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an-annyeoing-writer · 3 years

Text

vulnerability. – chap. 1.

Read the prologue here

Story info:

Pair: Byun Baekhyun x Reader

Rating: +18 for mentions of s*x and violence (future chapters)

Genre: angst, smut

Chapter info:

Release date: 16th May 2021

Word count: 3 727

Warnings: mentions of trauma (nothing descriptive)

Vulnerability Masterlist || Fanfiction Masterlist || Ko-Fi

Taglist:

@shesdreaminginoverdose @mybiasdashboard @marimsun @byuns-asscheeks @multi--kpop--fanfics @vunv @making-me-blush @skittlez-area512 @bloopbloopkai @byuns-asscheeks @baekyeonoreo @kimcarinaa

Please, always comment on the newest chapter if you wish to be added to/removed from the taglist. I will be also checking the tags, so if you're shy – feel free to leave a note this way.

Previous (Prologue)

Chap. 1.

Living in a small apartment close to the city center was not always convenient.

You regretted you couldn’t buy all the pretty things that you saw in stores or on Pinterest, because they’d easily overwhelm the limited space. Your neighbors constantly reminded you that they’re a few meters away from you, with screams, children’s cries, music, or chopping meat at 2 AM if that’s what a particular neighbor decided to do.

Fortunately, as the time passed, you got used to most of it and started to appreciate the small space, almost effortless to keep clean, close to both your university and the workplace, and the city center – an area that was always restless during the long days and nights that you spent watching it through your tall window, as if waiting for someone to look back at you.

Despite the comfort of living alone that you tried to indulge in, you couldn’t help growing lonelier and lonelier with every passing day. At the very least, your job and university often took the worries off your mind, and they eventually became your whole life, an existence that focused on never-ending effort in the name of better future, as though there was nothing in the present worth fighting for.

You studied finance; you didn’t give it much hope at first, but it ended up becoming interesting as you started connecting the dots and realizing how broad and important this topic was. Yet, as any newborn financier, you used your secret knowledge in the mysterious field of retail. In other words, you worked part-time as a cashier in a convenience store. Twenty four years old, on your way to getting that famous Master’s degree, already more than halfway through the process, yet – education without experience mattered nothing, as you realized the very moment you started looking for your first job, unable to keep counting on your parents. Not like you wanted to stay in touch with them, anyway.

Adulthood was difficult; the small apartment, due to its location, costed more than your whole family’s used to in your hometown. A small scholarship kept you set up with electricity and water fees, but for WiFi you needed to depend on a close-by library with a good signal; it turned out to have the connection good enough to reach from at least one place in your apartment, the one you coincidentally used for occasional observations. You weren’t sure whether you discovered the WiFi while sitting or if you developed the observing habit upon having to spend your time there over any other place. The only downside of this solution was that some sites were blocked after a scandal over men in the library performing actions other than polite studying, with the help of library computers. The event was outrageous to some, but primarily it became an object of jokes and memes all thorough the city, and maybe even country-wide to some extent. Either way, in times of need, your phone still had its meager data transfer. Good enough.

It was Saturday now; Saturdays were good but busy, because you worked at nights, then slept the shift off, and after you woke up, you could go and study all that you missed throughout the week, if for any reason the classes didn’t sound appealing enough or something else happened, distracting you from them. You spent Saturday afternoons either by the window of your room (where the WiFi reached) or just went straight to the library – a place way more spacious than your own apartment, and quieter as well. The only issue was, that you couldn’t snack in there and you ought to stay quiet. You decided to go with the latter and set foot towards the library.

Therefore, when your phone suddenly rang there, a few faces snapped towards you in obvious disapproval; you cursed internally, before you even managed to pull the phone out of your pocket, because you panicked so much that your hands shook at the initial attempt to do so. You got up from your seat and quickly disappeared between the bookshelves, where the people staying by the tables wouldn’t hear you so well anymore.

“Hello?” you whispered into the phone.

“Hello. Am I disturbing you?”

Your heart dropped as you recognized the voice, although you weren’t completely certain if you recognized it well, it sounded a bit different through the phone. The number was unknown on your phone, but there was only one person that could be calling you today.

You took a few seconds to compose yourself; less than you actually needed, but just enough so that the silence would not turn awkward.

“Um… I can’t talk loudly, but that’s okay.”

“I can call you later.”

“N-no need to, I’ll just whisper.”

“Okay, then.” He was quiet for a few seconds, but you heard some shuffling on the other side. “Do you have time tonight?”

The question was sudden, so you weren’t completely sure, if you did. But your mind felt too empty to figure that out, anyway.

“No. I mean, yes. Sorry, I meant I don’t have plans. So, um, yes, I’m free.” This didn’t sound professional at all. However, you heard quiet laughter on the other side and exhaled almost audibly in relief; it was the first time you heard him laugh with you, and it served to calm your nerves like a wave of calmness coming over you.

“Well, do you want to meet? I’m going to a museum and I don’t feel like going alone. What about that?”

“A museum? That… sounds nice.” When was the last time you’ve been to one? What a perfect opportunity to make a fool out of yourself. “What time?”

“Around six? If that’s okay with you.” If you remembered well, it had to be around three now.

“Sounds alright, where should we meet?”

“I’ll pick you up.”

“Okay. Thank you.” What were you exactly thanking him for? Hard to tell. But you heard him laugh again; you felt like he’s mocking you, but you quickly realized it couldn’t be the case – a warm voice like this couldn’t be ill-intended.

“Sure thing, you’re welcome. We’re set up, then?”

“A-actually, I have a question, if it’s not a problem.” You bit on your lip, knowing than in less than ten seconds, you were going to probably embarrass yourself in front of an educated and serious adult.

“What’s the matter?” he asked politely.

“So, um… What should I wear?”

* * *

You were grateful for the few tips given by Byun Baekhyun at the end of your conversation, because otherwise you’d either be underdressed or overdressed. You ended up wearing a more elegant university attire, something you usually wore for exams, but which didn’t make you appear too formal; a long, woolen skirt that was your private treasure due to its ability to keep you warm even in winter (and it was still spring; the weather was questionable), as well as leather shoes, a beige shirt and a thick, knitted cardigan. You felt quite modest; something told you that it wasn’t a regular date. You didn’t feel a need to reveal anything, or to focus on your feminine attributes. You just felt like it wouldn’t serve any purpose. As long as Baekhyun was concerned, you had an impression that he’s more interested in your mind than in the way you look – the clothes you wore last time, just a little bit revealing and suggestive, had done nothing to save you. You wanted only to look appropriate, and you were sure you managed to achieve at least that.

As you found out soon enough, he wasn’t particularly dressed up, either. A button-up shirt without without a tie – bow or neck type – and jeans, made of high-quality denim, not like the ripped through or worn out ones people sometimes wore. And a suede coat. Although he wasn’t dressed up to look attractive, it would be difficult not to feel attracted to him. Byun Baekhyun had his own aura of independence and considerate distance connected with subtle proximity, and this time, you had the chance to appreciate this harmony, working perfectly for him, highlighting his soft masculinity. Even more so, when you noted a small, gentle smile that appeared on his lips when he spotted you leaving your apartment block.

“Hi there” he spoke.

“Hi there” you replied.

“The museum is nearby, so I didn’t take the car, is that okay?”

It was probably too late to change the means of transport anyway, so the question was pointless. But no, you didn’t mind.

“It’s okay. What museum are we going to?”

He put hands in the pockets of his coat and tilted his head to the side, observing as you approached. You crossed your hands over your chest; it was a bit colder than you expected, and the skirt only warmed you up at the bottom, the wind still reached the top.

“You should put on something warmer. It’ll get even colder on the way back” he spoke. “Go back and get yourself a jacket, I’ll wait.”

You wanted to oppose and say it’s alright, but you didn’t; it didn’t feel right to argue with him. You only nodded and went home to retrieve a better outwear; you were back in no time.

“So? Which museum?”

You looked up at Baekhyun: the man walked by your side, or – in fact – you were walking by his; he stayed in control of the situation, but resonated with warmth and peacefulness rather than the coldness and stillness you experienced last time. And especially as he spoke, you found yourself easing into the conversation more naturally, and your initial fear quickly turned into innocent shyness upon the older man’s presence.

“A complex of museums nearby. There’s everything there, a historical museum of the region, one about the history of mining worldwide, and an art museum. I wanted to see the last one, I heard they unveiled a few new pieces since the the last time I went. You’re not local?” He glanced at you with polite curiosity.

“Not really. I moved here to study” you explained. “I know the nearby area, but I’m not too… um, social. I only know where to do the cheapest groceries and where they sell the best bread.”

“Where?”

“Behind the river, by the intersection with the highway. It looks small but really, you should try it out. Especially their cinnamon rolls.”

Baekhyun hummed.

“That sounds nice. I can recommend the best pizza in return.”

“You eat takeouts often?”

“Yep.”

“You’d save money if you cooked for yourself. Pizzas are expensive.”

Another warm laugh reached your ears, and through them, your heart as well.

“I’ll save money if I spend the time for cooking on working instead.”

“Okay, that’s a valid point. But homemade food is healthier.”

“Depends on where you buy your takeout.” He seemed to have an answer to your every doubt. “I wouldn’t trust just any restaurant, you know? It’s basically what my diet consists of.”

“Variety is also important. Don’t argue with me on that.”

“I won’t. But I won’t take you for a pizza, if that’s your stance on that.”

“I didn’t say I don’t want it” you remarked right away; he replied with laugh, which you found yourself copying naturally.

The conversation flowed smoothly, reaching more or less unimportant topics: the city life, current events, your university, possible career, Baekhyun’s interests – you found out he likes music; it’s too sad to work in silence – and the museum you were going to.

The place you felt initially quite neutral about, brought you more peace than you expected it to. It looked harmonious and the lights were soft. No one hurried through the gallery, and the paintings, although not so interesting at first, you soon learned to appreciate, trying to catch onto small details that, you could tell, Baekhyun already knew by heart, but he smiled every single time you pointed at something specific that caught your attention, even if it was as silly as matching colors, or realistically portrayed lights – these were your favorites.

And, slowly but surely, you got accustomed to the pretty sights, excitement turning into relaxation, and even Baekhyun himself seemed more content than you thought he’d be in your presence.

“You’re different,” you spoke as the two of you sat on a bench in front of one of the tall, monumental pieces; this one was a modern painting full of splashes and mixed colors, soft browns, yellows, and greens, so big that it definitely wouldn’t fit in your bedroom – the first thought you had upon seeing its size.

Despite the painting being in the very center of the gallery, you were the only ones watching it now.

“What do you mean?”

“You’re different today than you were yesterday” you elaborate. “Less… intimidating” you tried to put your thoughts into words.

Baekhyun laughed in response; the laughter was soft and warm, which made you exhale in relief – you feared that he’d feel offended at the remark.

“Yesterday was different. I needed to test you.”

“What do you mean?”

He stared at the painting as he leaned forward, resting elbows on his knees and shifting a little bit, probably thinking how to say the thing he had to say, without causing misunderstandings. You stared at him, completely having lost interest in the painting by now, ready to hear out whatever was to be spoken.

“People often come to me because they’re attracted to me. Well, not blaming them” he grinned; you rolled your eyes a little, but it did relieve the tension, most likely according to his own intention. “However, I’m not interested in romantic relationships. If you come to me expecting a date, you’ll get disappointed. And you won’t be able to handle what it is truly about, if I’m the only thing keeping you interested. It’ll be a hassle for the both of us.”

He glanced at you only briefly, ensuring that you’ve heard him so far before shifting his eyes back forward.

“So I’m always like this at first, just to see how determined you are, and how you behave under pressure. Then I leave you for a few minutes so you have the time to reconsider and leave if willing. That’s a safety measure for you.” He stopped for just a few seconds. “And you – all of you – always check what’s on the other side of the sheet. That’s a safety measure for me.”

“Safety measure?”

“Trust is the basis of the whole deal. If you don’t admit, that you looked at it, it means you’ll keep hiding things later on as well, and I can’t have that.”

“So if I…”

“Yes. If you didn’t correct your statement, we wouldn’t be here right now.” The words sounded ominous even despite the calm tone that Baekhyun used.

“I understand.”

You actually did; the strange aura of yesterday’s meeting finally started to clear out, leaving the simplest facts that all fit into the bigger picture. Yet, you still didn’t know enough. There were more things, more questions, each of which demanded an answer of its own. However, you were still unsure of your stance, and of what Baekhyun had planned for you – for the both of you.

“Will you accept me, then?” you asked finally, breaking through the silence.

“I don’t know yet” he replied in an honest tone, finally reciprocating your gaze. His features were soft, you could tell, he tried not to hurt you with his words. “You’re a nice girl, but I’m not sure if it’ll work out. I need more time. Primarily, I need to get to know you better. And I feel like you need more time, too.”

You nodded slowly.

“Could you, um… tell me more about it?”

“About what I do?”

“Yeah. You didn’t tell me much last time. You mostly only asked questions.”

“True. I may answer some of yours, if you’d like. What are you interested in?”

You cleared your throat; some questions seemed more intrusive than the others and you preferred to leave them for later.

“What would you want to do with me, if we set up a um… a scene?” Is that how you professionally call it? You didn’t remember all that well; you were, in fact, with no experience, only the Internet and your own curiosity to lead you forward – the temptation to explore your interests had been progressing in silence up until now.

“Well, depends on what would be suitable. I do different things with different people. Sometimes, it’s about what they like, and sometimes about what I like, and, the most often, it’s about what we both like. Everyone needs a different approach. I enjoy finding the right approach, and exploring it. It’s different when you start with a virgin, different when you start with a brat, different when you start with someone experienced, different when you start with someone with trauma. The last type is a person I don’t like engaging in. It’s a vulnerable ground and the person often seeks relief instead of therapy. I’m not a therapist. I’m a dominant.”

You took your time to analyze his words and put them all together in your head before you spoke again.

“You wrote something like that on the sheet. That I may have trauma.”

“That’s different,” Baekhyun was quick to elaborate. “Everyone has trauma of sort. Childhood traumas are more common than you think. I meant specifically trauma that comes from similar ground as the one I’m on. It’s not the case for you. According to what you said, you’ve never had any experiences like this and never engaged sexually or romantically.”

Pointing that out hurt a little; yes, so what if you’re 24 years old and a virgin? You had the right to choose your pace. But, you quickly realized, it was your own insecurity poking at you, because Baekhyun sounded anything but judgmental. He didn’t seem particularly impressed either – and you were thankful for that as well. You’ve seen enough men sounding excited when a woman was discovered to be unexperienced. You hated that even more than those who made fun of you; and in the long run, you just learned not to overshare. Telling Baekhyun this truth wasn’t the easiest, so having him say it so casually was definitely weird in your ear.

“However, that’s also a vulnerable point. You don’t know what you’re getting into. It looks different on the screen or in the books than it is in real life. I’m not going to reject you just because you’re new, because everyone’s been at some point. But you must understand, it’s a responsibility, and I don’t want to take one I’m not capable of handling.”

“Have you ever been with someone else like that?”

“With a virgin?”

“…Yeah.”

“Yes. Once. But I didn’t handle it too well back then.”

“What do you mean?”

Baekhyun rubbed his chin, pressing his lips together in slight uneasiness. But you didn’t revoke your question – maybe you should have, for the sake of his comfort, but you felt that the answer wouldn’t be meaningless to you.

“She wanted to be exclusive,” the man finally answered. “I tolerated her for too long. I should have broken the deal as soon as I started seeing red flags, instead of ending up sleeping with her. It made everything only worse.” He spoke quietly, making sure people passing by at times would hear no word. You heard everything clearly, though. “That’s why I’m more picky now. Breaking the deal is not a good thing if it comes from one side. It may leave the other devastated, that’s why I’d rather reduce the risk in advance.”

He looked at your face, seeking understanding and acceptance. You nodded slowly, trying to keep your face as neutral as possible. You didn’t want to add to the pain already displayed on his own. But you appreciated his transparency.

“Does it mean that sex is not always involved?”

“With me, it rarely is” he admitted patiently. “I’m not against it, but I usually do other things. People rarely expect it, and I never pry. Mainly, because in this particular case, I do expect exclusivity. So, as long as no sex is involved, I know some of my subs are dating other people, or even engaging with other doms. However, for safety reasons I demand health checks prior to intercourse, and so on. Not just for me, but because I’m not exclusive myself.” You wondered if his choice of vocabulary was meant to make things less awkward. “However, actual sex is only one of the possibilities. Sexual pleasure that doesn’t involve direct touch may be used as a tool for training, for rewarding and for punishing, even as entertainment… not necessarily to the person it influences. As I said, it depends on who it’s done with. And it may take different forms, too. What’s your stance on that?”

“I don’t feel like I’d be able to as much as undress in front of someone who’s not my doctor” you answered almost instantly, the answer obvious to you, a matter you’ve thought about enough. “Although… well, I suppose it takes time. I’m not against the idea, just… you know.”

Baekhyun only nodded; you glanced at him, feeling a need for any reply that’d soothe you a little.

“I understand. That’s okay.”

You figured it out now; using more formal language made it less embarrassing to listen to. It’s like he tore the words off emotions and left facts only, and you found yourself easing into saying more and more, your embarrassment dissolving as well. No judgments were made.

“Is there anything else you want to know?”

“A lot, to be honest. But I think I know enough for now.”

Right as you said the last words, a sound echoed in the museum, in a soft female voice saying that the museum will close in fifteen minutes.

You took one last glance at the huge painting in front of you, but you felt like, at this point, you wouldn’t find anything new among the random stains and splatters. Baekhyun got up from his seat on the bench and so did you. You spotted him hide a small yawn behind his hand.

The day was coming to an end, and so was your small date – as un-date-ish as it could be.

* * *

Please, reblog if you enjoyed, it'll help me a bunch!

Author's note: hope you're enjoying it so far! Trying to give it a bit sense before more things happen, and, hopefully, this chapter clears it out a little bit. Feel free to talk to me if anything is unclear!

Next (Chapter 2.)

#exowritersnet #kdiarynet #bbh-net #exosnet #exo baekhyun #exo bbh #bbh x reader #bbh #exo #byun baekhyun #exo fanfiction #baekhyun fanfiction #exo x reader #baekhyun x reader #vg: vulnerability #vg: exo #vg: baekhyun #vg: series

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evilwickedme · 3 years

Text

ok so to sum up my feelings for leverage: redemption, season 1(a): (long post warning, there’s a tl;dr at the end)

I knew that Hardison wouldn’t be in most of the season due to Aldis Hodge being a busy bee nowadays, but I didn’t realize that meant he’d only be around for the first two episodes. He was sorely missed, not only because of my attachment to him, but also because he’s usually the grounding factor in the group dynamic, and his role as info guy and tech guy was split evenly between two characters who had their own issues.

That said, Hardison is absolutely a highlight of the two episodes he’s in. his speech about redemption was everything I could’ve hoped for (plus, more evidence for the Jewish!Hardison pile...). I wish we’d gotten to see more of his dynamic with Breanna because what we saw was funny and sweet and we don’t generally get to see Hardison taking care of somebody who so desperately needs taking care of. I hope that Aldis Hodge is around for more episodes in 1(b), because what we’re left with feels a little hollow.

Sticking to original leverage characters for now, for the most part the leverage crew still felt true to the original series as characters, even if the show itself was a little bit confused at times. The actors understand their characters and embody them so well that I think one could give them the trashiest script ever and they’d still sell it. Sophie is a particular focus in 1(a) because of Nate’s death, and she’s particularly well written as a result.

That said, I’m super bitter that we saw little to no mastermind!Parker. Parker’s character being given the mastermind role was a big deal and it feels like they’re walking it back because they feel uncomfortable with it. It is eventually given an in-text excuse, but literally in the last episode, and it was not a particularly convincing reason, and in fact contradicted moments from previous episodes (Sophie leaving for a client meeting and ignoring Parker in ep3 comes to mind). It’s frustrating, it makes the end of the original leverage feel pointless, and letting Parker make a decision once in a while is not the same thing at all. The original series repeatedly showed us that while everyone in the team had their strengths, Parker works problems and solves them in unique, interesting ways, and other characters’ days in the limelight tended to be comedic or even failures. It’s a broken promise, and a pretty major broken promise at that.

On a more positive note, Parker’s dynamic with literally everyone was fantastic. She’s possibly the best written character this season. They’ve taken the autism out of the subtext and into the text (although obviously still undiagnosed), and given her coping mechanisms that were taken seriously in the text even when they were played for laughs, which I appreciated. Her attempts to mentor Breanna were sweet, her friendship with Sophie was electric and at times (CRIMES) hilarious, and as usual, she has a fantastic dynamic with Eliot that makes my heart burst. If you don’t think they’re romantically involved, at least acknowledge there’s a life partnership here. They’ve spent the last decade together.

(We’ll get to Harry.)

Eliot isn’t given much arc-wise, which is frustrating since he’s my favorite. He’s being presented as the goal at the end of a redemption arc, ie to keep working at it every day until your soul heals or whatever, and it doesn’t reflect the message they’re trying to convey via Hardison’s speech and our two new characters. He’s got his moments, but I think they under utilized his potential.

Breanna!!! Breanna’s my new favorite, except for Eliot. She’s hilarious, she’s insecure, she’s nerdy and excited in a way that’s similar to Hardison but still distinct in its inherent teenage-girl-ness and I LOVE IT. Unlike the previous series, where Hardison’s “age of the geek” was often a joke played on Hardison, we’re at the point where Eliot and Parker are both right there with him, and so they accept and even appreciate Breanna’s nerdiness. Also, canon gay character? In YOUR Leverage? It’s more likely than you think.

(No, I never thought they’d make ot3 canon on screen. I hoped, but I didn’t think it would actually happen.)

I think Breanna’s the character that will be the most interesting to see grow. She’s got a lot of potential and a list of crimes a mile long (or more). I adore her with all my heart. I want to see her tiktok account.

Harry. Oh, Harry.

It took me a while, but I do like Harry. It took a while, because the narrative positioned him at the same level as Nate back in episode 1 of original Leverage. But in episode 1 we didn’t know the other characters. We had Nate as the POV character, and so we cared about him because we were seeing the world through his eyes. (This is TV Studies 101. I know this, because I took TV Studies 101 in 2019.) In Leverage: Redemption, we no longer have a POV character, for several reasons:

Nate, previously the POV character, is dead.

As it is, by mid-season 3 of leverage Nate was no longer a POV character. This is, coincidentally, the point where the leverage writers realized they had four other characters in the main cast they could do something with, and in-universe, Nate accepted that he was a thief, not a special Good Man.

Sophie is sort of a POV character for the first episode of the revival, but only for the first few minutes. Afterwards, the series settles into the groove of seasons 3-5, i.e., the entire crew is our POV. We know our crew, and we love them as is.

Narratively, however, Redemption insists on positing Harry as the POV character, because it is his redemption we are pursuing most vehemently. And I think they really relied on us already knowing the actor - I’ve never seen him in anything before, so to me he was a completely fresh face and they put almost no effort into selling him to me. Beyond being competent and consistently mildly baffled by the antics of the leverage crew, I honestly don’t know who this man is by the end of EIGHT episodes with him. I have a much better handle on Breanna by the end of 1(a), and I can tell you I knew all five of the original leverage crew better by the end of the first episode of the original series than I do Harry. What’s the name of his daughter, John Rogers. Is he still married. How old is the daughter. Why is none of this worth mentioning. Give him a sense of humor that isn’t reacting to other people’s shenanigans. I’m so frustrated. It’s bad writing.

I did manage to grow to like Harry by the end, but I’m pretty sure this is down to Noah Wyle’s charismatic portrayal of an under-developed character, at least partially. And I never stopped being frustrated at not knowing who this man is at all.

The two highlights of the season are undoubtedly episodes five and six. Episode five was the first time I felt like the episode was more than a collection of good moments between the main cast and mediocre moments between the main cast and also the main plot. The issues with pacing and tone that I suffered through for most of the season were mostly non-existent in ep5 and 6, and at least in episode 5 I attribute that to the pared down cast. They had time to focus not only on our actual characters - Sophie, Parker, Breanna - but also on the case. This is the only client from 1(a) I am going to remember next week without googling it first, mark my words.

Episode six worked for the exact opposite reason - it completely disregarded the client and plot and immersed itself in the characters. Breanna gets a moment to shine, but everybody else gets their bits and I wouldn’t be surprised if that was the script that was most fun to write. The characters felt natural, real, and captured the found-family dynamic that’s been missing all season for the first time.

While episode 2 is the weakest episode, I don’t actually have much to say about it. I am disappointed in episode 8. For a mid-season finale, I really expected them to do something. Instead, it was an episode about Nate Ford that copped out of being about Nate Ford (both with fake-Nate and with the new version of him being relayed to us). I would have told the writers to give that energy back to episode 1 and write an episode that’s about anybody who isn’t Harry, oh my God. I know I said I grew to like him but so many episodes were about Harry. He’s the newbie! Why didn’t Hardison get an episode that was actually about him, considering he was only around for two episodes? Why does Eliot have to be the butt of the joke when the theme of the series should directly tie back to him in a much more meaningful way? The last episode parodies their own tagline by saying Eliot isn’t just a hitter, but it deftly avoids noticing that they’ve turned him into nothing more than very muscly comic relief, including in that very episode!

Also, I hated the Marshal. Eliot actively looked uncomfortable around her.

tl;dr

The season took a while, that’s definitely true. But it did find its footing eventually, and by the halfway mark of 1(a) it finally felt cohesive again. The characters were played fantastically even when they weren’t well-written, and if nothing else, the humor landed every time. It still has its kinks and problems to work out, but if you look at it as a brand new show rather than a continuation of one that went off the air over eight years ago, it’s actually doing rather well. I’m choosing to judge it in both lights - according to its own standards, it establishes its identity in episode five; according to Leverage standards, it establishes its connection to its roots in episode six. Either way, I thoroughly enjoyed 1(a), and continue to have high hopes for 1(b).

fic writing will commence in three, two, one...

#leverage #leverage meta #leverage redemption #leverage ot3 #parker leverage #alec hardison #sophie devereaux #eliot spencer #breanna casey #harry wilson #mine

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androgynousblackbox · 2 years

Note

Thank you for responding! To explain, my ask was about how i didn't see how "nonbinary people don't owe you androgyny" is a silly statement, or how it is acting like root transphobia isn't real, especially since it's calling out a part of it. "Our issues would be gone if we were androgynous" is a severe misunderstanding of phrases like "y don't owe you x."

Also, you said "we are not desconstructing anything by saying 'non binary people don't owe you androgyny' because yeah, we don't, but the focus can and should be first in how our genders deserves to be aknowledged and respected regardless of any fucking presentation."

But it literally is tho! Isn't "nonbinary ppl don't owe you x" an actual example of deconstruction and affirmation that nb ppl can look like anything? We ARE focusing on how nonbinary people can look like anything. I don't understand how it can be anything but part of that very message you are trying to say, let alone a problem to it. "Missing the forest for the trees" does seem to fit, because this feels like me pointing to a tree and you saying "this tree is standing in the way of the forest and wasting its time."

You said, "So why we act as if there is by implying that things would be better if we were androgynous?" I wasn't though, is the thing. Quite the opposite, that's why i wrote that paragraph. The rest of the ask was talking about the frustration and pain of that expectation existing. When nb people, or anyone, talk about their frustrations and share information and advice on how not to act towards people, it is not them saying "these are the only frustrations people experience and if you're not experiencing this one then you have fewer problems than me." We are in fact expressing how issues manifest in our lives and finding ways to alleviate that pain, and this allows us to address the root problems by recognising each other's issues and working towards deconstructing what is hurting us. Does that make sense?

I guess i don't get it because: we seem to be agreeing with each other. Except, people calling out an expectation of androgyny are allegedly saying that non-androgynous ppl have it better? That was never the intention and i don't understand how they gel together. Messages like "y don't owe you x" aren't holding anyone back and in fact they are ways of acknowledging the problem itself, because talking about examples of how oppression manifests is actually really useful. Spreading info about trans people is useful. Yes, these posts won't solve ~the root of transphobia~ themselves, but nothing by itself will. Talking about specific stereotypes, or examples of representation, of cultural appropriation, of fetishization, of microaggressions, etc won't 'fix the problem' in the same way that changing a tyre won't fix a crashed car. But it's a start and it needs doing as part of the larger task, and holding back every example of people trying to address problems because they're not being 'root' enough is i.m.o. pointless. What harm is being done by them? Idk, i just don't see how they're doing anything wrong.

Madcapmathematician(?)'s post looks like a good idea (binarism is a problem) expressed in a bad way. And the og post seems to squarely state that "nb ppl don't owe you androgyny" is an unfounded and ridiculous statement that doesn't need to be said, which was frankly offensive in its dismissiveness. So I extra disagree with that op.

Idk if i made sense either. But thank you for taking the time to give me your thoughts and to read mine, i do appreciate it, even if we don't seem to be on the same page

I feel like you didn't understand/ignore my point and just trail blassed yours on top. You do realize that some people ARE androgynous, make a conscious effort to appear androgynous or can't help to appear androgynous and their struggles are being ignored with statements such as those? For some people who were always cast aside because our failure to appear as our agab and/or were forced to be passed around to one binary gender to another like a tennis ball depending who is throwing, phrases like "non binary people don't owe you androgyny" doesn't feel like "doesn't matter your presentation, your identity is valid!" but rather "you are the expectation of what people think non binary people look like, therefore you have it better than us", which is especially fucked up when many of us live in places where non binary is NOT a thing people are aware of and less than anything something that people would even have any expectation for. It's hurtful and feels shitty and doesn't help me as a non binary person at all. I know I don't owe anyone androgyny already, but because all my life nobody wanted shit to do with my gender non conformity in the first place and everyone always wanted to see me as something binary I am not. That post from that person came from the exact same place as that hurt. If that isn't a reason to not keep repeating that phrase as if it was the best example of support for non binary that we can imagine, then I don't know what to tell you but I don't like it and I don’t feel supported by it. We are all fucked because of exorsexism in current society, not because of what people expect us to look like as non binary people.

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petri808 · 3 years

Text

G1+Hakyona Angel/Demon @firiare & @bmarvels

Humans have always thought themselves above other creatures even though they were merely just another species like the rest in nature. In the beginning, those with power or abilities fought against humans, but eventually gave up. They realized it was a pointless endeavor, so for the last 200,000 years, they used their magic to fade into human societies, and the ancient myths became nothing more than fairytales. Contrary to what the human societies had conjured up about ‘mythical’ creatures, the truth behind many of the stories were just that, story’s. Tales designed around them to serve a human’s purpose. A scary demon to frighten peasant subjects into submission or an angelic fairy to soothe away the fears in their hearts and offer salvation.

Life wasn’t always easy for any creature on Earth. One must learn to adapt and change, fit in and move forward. But it could be doubly difficult for a mythic creature trying to blend amongst the humans. Over time, most had developed societies within the human civilizations to watch out for their own, or gathering places where they could be their true selves. Forged bonds were also common between creatures and humans who’s loyalty were not in question. It was all meant to protect both sides, for wherever there is room for fear or misunderstanding, problems are unavoidable. Could one imagine a human being brought up to believe a demon is evil, not freaking out if suddenly they’re bf/gf said surprise, I have horns— probably wouldn’t go over well.

Hak new this well enough, he was a half demon after all. Mother was a demon and father a human who’d served in the military. But if this existence didn’t already come with struggle, his mother died during childbirth, and father during an overseas war when Hak was 4 years old. Luckily for him, a close family friend adopted him knowing full well the family’s genealogy. It was an older gentleman with no children of his own. Mundock, or grandpa Mundock raised him to blend into society. Hak turned into a very smart, athletic, capable young man who after college made a modest living working at a shipping company owned by another demon. It was a comfortable, albeit lonely life, because Hak shied away from romantic relationships.

Not that the ‘tall, dark, and handsome,’ stereotypical male couldn’t get a date if wanted to. Instead, he was afraid of falling in love only to have his heart broken if they couldn’t accept what he truly was. But his best friend Jaeha, a dragon in human form, was the opposite of Hak in many ways. Where he was quiet and naively sarcastic, Jaeha was extroverted and flirty. The man constantly tried to set him up with women. Come on, the man would admonish, let’s do a double and have some fun!

“No! No! What part of no, don’t you understand?!” Hak growled at his friend. “I’m not interested.”

“Pfft, boring grumpy ass...” Jaeha walked away from the couch where Hak was lounging with a video game. The conniving man then noticed Hak’s phone sitting on the kitchen island. Fine, he grinned to himself. ‘Time to take matters into my own hands.’

Jaeha opened the phone easily since he knew his friends password, and downloaded a popular dating app. While Hak was too engrossed in his game, he set about creating the perfect profile to lure in the women. Frankly, it wasn’t very hard. One hot profile picture, check. Bio info, stays in shape, works at a shipping company, hobbies include soccer and martial arts. Looking for, monogamous relationship with a sweet, friendly girl who is open minded. Click, send. Within minutes, the app’s inbox was receiving hits. Jaeha happily screened through them, looking for the right girl he was sure Hak would find difficult to say no to. Because despite his friend’s, ‘I don’t wanna date,’ attitude, he knew what Hak’s type was and that he was lonely.

He scrolled through profile after profile of the women messaging Hak looking at their bio’s. They ran the gamut of types, and not just in looks but demeanor from shy to scandalous. Many were obviously just interested in Hak’s appearance, and after close to 50 profiles, even Jaeha was starting to wonder if this was worth the effort.

That’s when he saw her... A pretty, fiery red head with purple eyes who’s effervescent skin and soft, innocent eyes just pulled you in. Her appearance may have caught Jaeha’s attention, but it was really her bio that solidified it. College educated, works as a primary school teacher, with a love of fantasy arts and stories. Oh, she is perfect!

Jaeha checks to make sure Hak is still focused on his game, then sends off a message to the woman.

‘Nice to meet you Yona. I noticed you’re into fantasy stuff, that’s pretty cool.’

‘Hello, nice to meet you too, Hak. Yeah, I find mythical creatures to be fascinating, so I’m always watching out for nice art or good fiction books about them.’

Jaeha grinned at the message. So far, so good. ‘It’s nice to meet someone who appreciates such things. I’ve done a little research on dragons and demons too.’

‘Really? Why demons?’

‘I think they get a bad rap in the old stories.’

‘Lol. You might be right... I don’t think angels are saints either.’

“Wow...” Jaeha mumbled out loud.

“Wow, what?” Hak looked up, questioning his friend.

Shit! “Oh, nothing. I just noticed you killed that opponent is all.”

“Oh,” Hak’s brow raised in suspicion, but he opted to go back to his game.

Jaeha breathed a sigh of relief. He would have to tell his friend the truth, but not yet. Time to go in for the kill.

‘Yona, would you do me the honor and go out on a date with me? I’d really love to get to know you more. How about this Saturday for dinner, restaurant of your choice, my treat.’

Several minutes pass by, but finally she responded. ‘Okay. Merrimans restaurant on Kilauea avenue at 6pm. Make sure to call in a reservation.’

‘Will do. See you then. Have a great rest of your day, Yona.’

‘Nice meeting you too, Hak.’

Jaeha grinned wide and walked over standing in front of his friend. “Hak, buddy, I gotta tell ya something, so turn that stupid game off!”

“No! So move your ass outta my way!”

“I got you a date.” Jaeha held the phone at arms length with the picture of Yona on the screen for Hak to see it. “Saturday, 6pm.”

“You did what?!” Hak stood up and grabbed his phone from the man’s hand, his blue eyes turning red in anger. “I told you, I’m not going out on a date!”

“Fine.” Jaeha crossed his arms over his chest, but a smug, unperturbed look still on his face. “Then you can be the bad guy and turn her down. Go ahead Hak, be the mean guy who breaks her heart.”

“You son-of-a!”

“Just look at her Hak. She’s pretty, she’s smart, and— she’s into creatures! She’s perfect for you! I’m tired of watching you moping around our apartment, you need a damn girlfriend.”

“You’re an asshole.”

“No, I’m your awesome wingman.” Jaeha winked and started to walk away. “Don’t forget to make the reservations. Details in the chat.”

“Fucking prick!” Hak groaned and plopped back onto the couch with a thud. His friend got him good this time, because he knew Hak didn’t have it in him to be mean to a girl. So, begrudgingly he started reading the woman’s profile.

Yona. ‘She’s tiny...’ okay, so, she is very attractive... and her comments about angels and demons catches his attention. No wonder Jaeha liked this one. But Hak wasn’t getting his hopes up, because finding them fascinating is still not the same as how someone would react if one were standing right in front of them. ‘Merrimans,’ at least she had good taste. He calls and sets up the reservation. “Ugh, this better turn out okay,” Hak yelled out loud enough for his roommate to hear it. “Or I’m kicking your ass dragon!”

It was four days until the fateful dinner date and he’d be fooling himself to say he wasn’t nervous, anxious to see if this girl could really be different from all the others, yet realistic that it may not turn out that way. Hak went about his work days like normal, never showing his co-workers or delivery customers anything beyond a mask of invincibility. He prided himself on never losing his cool, a behavior he’d maybe inherited from his military father. Even though inside he was a mess. Ugh! This is exactly why he avoided this area of the heart! Because in that way he was more like his mother according to gramps. His mom was a tough demon with a heart of gold who hated the idea of hurting anyone. Hak too didn’t like to let anyone down, and his respect for women came from stories about her.

What if this Yona woman liked him back but couldn’t accept his true identity? He’d break both their hearts. Maybe it would be best to let her down gently right from the beginning? This and more Hak pondered during those four days, his mind constantly calculating the options and odds. So that by Saturday morning his decision was made, right or wrong. He’ll go through with the date, but make it clear he’s not interested. Yes! That’s what he’ll do. Shield them both from future misery. Yona’s a beautiful woman, she’ll find someone better.

“Hi,” Hak stood before the hostess stand. “I have a 6pm reservation under...”

“Hak?”

A tiny female voice behind him sent a shiver right up his spine. Hak whipped around at his name, a surging sense of power titillating the nerve cells of his skin. “Yona?” The woman exuded something he’d never encountered before.

“Hello,” the woman smiled. “It’s nice to meet you.”

“Y-Yeah,” cheeks heating up, “it’s nice to meet you too. Um,” he turned back to the hostess still flustered and mind racing, “Hak, reservation for two.”

“Welcome to Merriman’s,” the hostess responded. “Please, right this way,” she gestured for the pair to follow.

Hak stepped aside and motioned for Yona to go first, then followed behind. Clearly this woman was not human, but what she was, he wasn’t sure of. Her energy was bright, soothing, and so inviting that it almost overruled his own thoughts. Was she a succubus?! What little he knew of them came from the stories, how they lured men in with their beguiling natures. Hak shook his head of those thoughts before they could be seated. Yona only came up to his chest she was so tiny, so that the idea of her being a strong demon was hard to grasp. Well, whatever she was, this date wasn’t going to be as easy to get through as he’d hoped.

The air between them was expectedly nervous. Hak couldn’t tell if Yona had figured out his nature yet, and she sure wasn’t behaving like it. To anyone around them, they simply appeared as a couple on a quiet dinner date. He did his best to stay engaged, though she initiated most of the conversations. They talked about things Hak assumed any pair would when trying to get to know each other. Family, friends, interests, but nothing overly reaching and he definitely didn’t want to just bluntly ask about creatures, not in a restaurant where they were surrounded by humans.

She was everything her dating profile had made her appear to be and more, and he felt himself being pulled in. It created a growing dilemma as the night wore on, and Hak found it more and more difficult to stick to his original plan. By the dessert round, he knew he needed to make a decision, so screw it, he’ll ask the question that could get him immediate answers.

As soon as they exit the restaurant, where no one was around, Hak launched into his question. “I’m gonna be straight with you Yona. It was actually my roommate who set this all up, not me because he thinks I need a girlfriend. A-And I’m not saying it wouldn’t be nice, but there’s things about me that—”

Yona placed a finger on his lips to hush him. “Not here. Someone might hear us.” She then took his hand, “there’s somewhere safer we can talk.”

“O-Okay...” Hak blushed both from her commandingly gentle reaction and her hand in his!! He followed quietly as she led them just a few storefronts away to another business, giving up total control like a putty in her hands. If Jaeha saw them, Hak wouldn’t hear the end of it. How the mighty demon Hak was subdued by a tiny woman...

The business itself was nothing special, just a bar from the outside. But then Yona continued inside towards the back, stopping in front of a wall. Hak watched in awe as she muttered a few words in another language and suddenly a door appeared. They went through it and that’s when Hak realized they were still in the bar, just a section reserved for creatures!

After moving them to the side, Yona turned around and giggled. “Let me see the real you, Hak,” she spoke as she dropped her own glamor and white feathery wings suddenly appeared from her back along with a yellow effervescent glow on her skin.

His eyes flashed wide in shock, but he complied with her request. Hak turned off his glamor to reveal two short, pointed black horns on his head, a long black leathery tail, and talons on his fingers.

“You’re a demon” She verified.

“And you’re an angel,” Hak breathed out. “Now I understand that comment from the chat.”

She nodded. “But I have a confession as well,” Yona confided. “I already knew you’re a demon because your friend Jaeha contacted me a couple of days ago suspicious of my remark.” She chuckled, “he really looks out for you, I hope you know he cares.”

“He’s a pain in the ass,” Hak grumbled, “but yeah, that’s why he’s also my best friend.”

“Well?” Yona placed a hand on her hip in a cocky pose. “What do you think? I know I like what I see, but what about you?”

Hak snorted a laugh. An angel... who’s not a saint, huh? This woman was intriguing for sure. “Alright, angel. You’ve got my attention.”

The sound of clapping, and a slap on his back, caused Hak to spin around, swinging at the offender. But what he found instead was his green-scaled dragon roommate.

“Whoa!” Jaeha caught Hak’s fist. “I’m just here to congratulate you buddy.”

“Damn it, slanty eyes!” Hak counter punched the man in his chest. “But... thanks.”

“You’re welcome,” Jaeha laughed, “now come on!” He gathered the couple one of each side of him, and pulled them towards the dance floor. “Time to celebrate my buddy’s finally got a girlfriend!”

“I swear to hell I’m gonna kill you Dragon!”

#hakyona #hakyona AU #hak son #son hak #Yona #akatsuki no yona #hak x yona #hakyona fan fic #hakyona fan fiction #angel/demon au

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moonlightgirl-05 · 4 years

Text

Ray Bad Ending Story 1 walkthrough + Bad Relationship 1 walktrough

Bad Ending Story 1 (5-6 days)

1. Get into Ray’s route from 1 - 4 days in Another story

Day 5:

00:21

* I can’t go to sleep. There’s something bothering me….

* Hmm… I’m sure he has an important thing planned.

* Whoa, whoa… Let’s take it easy, Jumin.

* Does your father have a new girlfriend…. ?

* Did you eat them all? I bet you’ve been pumped up lol

* Talk about his scale… Your father’s the best!

* Does that mean we’d get to see a cat tower in the company????

* … You actually have the time to make this print?

* I think motivation works best when it comes from pressure.

* I don’t think you have to worry about me

* No, nothing.

* You mean becoming a cool-headed businessman?

* Because then more people would get to see it?

* Jumin, when do you plan to get to bed?

* ….

* Do we really have to identify who the hacker is?

* Even if Seven gives his all, he’ll never be able to beat this hacker lol

* V…is this really the best?

* …You’re trying to keep your secret, not lighten his load.

* But I think you’re already good enough!

* …At least I appreciate that you’re working so hard.

* You’re not up to something with Seven, are you?

* I’ll see you again – !

* Well, I only wish everyone’s paradise will come soon

* I wish you wouldn’t underestimate that hacker.

* I agree…. V seems to have a very strong sense of responsibility.

* I should settle down now and go to sleep.

02:44

* It’s just that this hacker is a bit frustrating

* It’s just that….I feel frustrated for some reason.

* Because he told you not to chase the hacker?

* Sure…

* Guardian? Yeah right… I think he’s just busy cleaning up the mess.

* But you gotta admit you’re not as good as that hacker…

* You should be ashamed of yourself. And admit that the hacker is better than you.

* Are you sure we can trust V?

* Hmmm…I don’t think you should trust him too much.

* If you’re good to work, why not recommend a guest? LoL

* I wish she could write this complicated situation into poems… Sure, let’s invite her…. or I don’t know…. She doesn’t sound like a good guest. (If you don’t want the email)

* …Still, you won’t be able to defeat this hacker.

* Bye –

06:03

* Seven won’t be after you anymore… What do you think about that?

* I was surprised, actually. You’re weaker than I thought

* Arrogance results in misfortunes.

* Hmm…are you sure I’ll be safe here?

* I think you should work harder if you have time to chat like this.

* You should stop chatting and get to work now.

09:12

* Hey Yoosung

* That’s because your digestive system is failing.

* Huh…..

* You’re rude to your mother!

* You should do something about him…

* Yoosung, you should keep a regular lifestyle.

* They’re both bad. Both of you need special treatment for your health

* Who knows…? Maybe your face will turn all shiny and pretty like a sunflower!

* Your mother called?

* Your efforts will all return in the end.

* You should try it. You”d see in the end that your mother is right.

* Don’t you think you’re being obsessive…by keeping your questions, Yoosung?

* Even if you are disappointed, I think it’s because she’s your mother. Try to be a little more understanding.

* But V could almost be your family in the past.

* You should obey your mother. Your family might ask unreasonable things but they provide you a place to be

* But then again…you wouldn’t know the duty of a mother, Zen. Bond with a mother is indestructible…

* One more game?

* We can all have our own ways with life – !

* You’re being unreasonable.

* Goodbye.

* He’s so immature. I think it’s because he’s not with his parents.

* He’s being immature. Someone’s gotta teach him how cruel the world is.

* If I were you, I’ll try calling them. Don’t you think it’s such a tragedy to stay disconnected from your family?

* Goodbye.

12:21

* Hello.

* Not yet…

* Why were you so busy?

* You should work on things that got delayed while standing by.

* What meaning would that have? You’ve joined the company recently, it’ll be better if you think about […]

* Here’s your boss.

* Don’t you think you’re slacking off too much?

* Don’t tell me… Jumin… Do you have a new business in mind…?

* Caps.

* I don’t think anyone can beat this hacker.

* That’s not gonna happen…because no one’s as good as this hacker. ^^

* That’s nice…We can bring both of them to this…

* I feel like having the unit’s info for dinner…

* Though I’m sure you’d need more than that to defeat this hacker.

* Perhaps the department doesn’t exist at all…

* Good luck.

* I’m not sure…

* Could you fix my computer, Jaehee?

* Congrats – !!! Haha.

* You’re so generous.

* This is your chance. I look forward to your performance.

* You can’t beat this guy anyways. So don’t work too hard.

* There might be a difference of thoughts at work here. I understand.

14:37

* What are you doing, Seven?

* It’s the only way for him to stay.

* I’m okay. I got loads of time.

* I wanna see who would win this war.

* Save is good…! DB is more than welcome! or It sounds too tricky. I don’t know about DB…. (If you want the email)

* Your hand is so pretty….

* I wanna know what your hand looks like Zen lol

* Are you feeling better? You had an argument with Yoosung.

* There’s this term to call a person who talks like you…

* …In his personal Zen Report ver. 06.

* Dying-to-brag-about-something’ mood!

* So that means your practice begins now.

* That must be a lot of pressure… You should work a lot.

* You should know when to celebrate and not.

* You should be grateful for your present day!

* This is boring! I’m outta here!

* You should get to work. Now.

* You should stop making excuses and get to work.

* You’re not slacking off, are you?

* You still won’t be able to beat the hacker…

* He’s working without even sleeping. You think you can beat him?

* Is this woman your girlfriend?

* You’re feeling down because you should.

* Good luck.

* He should deal with it. It’s his job.

* Shouldn’t you practice right now?

* Have a good day.

16:13

* All his hard work is finally paying off. Now he has to work even harder.

* Why don’t you say that after you’re done with your duty?

* I wonder if he can really do it….

* Is musical that popular among the public?

* This is a person, right?

* I don’t know. An AI…? Sounds too difficult. or Okay! Let’s send an invitation. I’d like to learn a thing or two about ticketing. (If you want the email)

* I thought you have something more important than tickets.

* So long

17:45

* Hey Yoosung…

* LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL

* Wow… I wonder what it tasts like. Let me know after you try a sip, Yoosung!

* Speak of the devil. LOLOL

* Oh GOD7… Is it not too late to buy stocks?

* Stocks come in 1+1? Smells fishy here…

* Seven, didn’t you say your’re busy? Do you have time to do pranks like this?

* He’s got a point lol

* I’m not interested in your hobby, Yoosung.

* Cooking?

* LOL

* Why don’t we now talk about GOD7’s dynamic business hobby? Give it up for Sevenstar Drink!

* You’re too fishy…. Whatever you’re selling, I’m not buying it.

* …Police won’t be good enough to stop him. I should report his agency…

* Sounds like an excuse to me.

* You should first do what you have to do with classes and work… You don’t deserve to rest if you don’t.

* Don’t waste your money on something like that.

* It’s too late for you. Forget it.

* That’s what the world wants us to do.

* I wish I could live without worrying about anything…

* Dream is nothing but a mirage.

* Since you’re giving advice…I assume you did your job well, Seven.

* Go back to work now.

* Bye…

* You should think about what to do in the future and plan accordingly

* He’s just…a different type of person from you.

* You should find ESL tutoring class instead of whining.

* Goodbye.

19:23

* What was that? You screw up just now, didn’t you?

* Looks like you’re full of faults.

* Work harder. So that I can see you’re useful.

* Okay. I’ll tell you, so first make sure you take care.

* Are you sure the savoir trusts you?

* I expect you to be better.

* I’ll see what I can do and let you know whether I like it or not.

* I also think that was a huge mistake.

* Do your best

* What is it?

* I’m not going to get in trouble because of you, am I?

* When does the elixir start to take effect?

* Don’t tell me what to do.

* I don’t like the menu.

* I’ll never leave you it you’re good enough.

* It’s a little cold.

* Keep up the good work.

21:13

* Welcome, Jumin.

* This is rather depressing, since I’m stuck in between…

* The hacker will win.

* I think it’s a waste of time…

* Patience is the key…

* Don’t you think you might prick your finger if you do it in your car?

* I think it’s better for you to review documents than stitching.

* What you lost in time never comes back. You should always focus on your every second.

* How did you get to know this person?

* Why don’t we invite Pillow Love? or Is that what you’re going to use the unit for…? Oh dear…Jaehee… (If you want the email)

* Why don’t you start with cats?

* That’s a simple naming…

* Sayonara…

23:09

* Are you still practicing, Zen?

* His hobby is his to choose –

* What’s your hobby, Zen?

* Job = hobby for you…?

* I think you should make a plan and practice accordingly.

* Shouldn’t you just do it until you make it?

* Why not ask Seven for help?

* Yoosung looks so immature. Why don’t you lecture him a bit?

* I think he shouldn’t waste his time like that.

* He’s living in a world where he has to be a hypocrite like others. I think I’d get mad if I were him.

* Whatever happens, I hope a person who hurts other will pay in the end.

* You should get to work!

* See you.

________________________________________________________________

Day 6:

00:55

* I’ve been waiting!

* That’s because you’re not working hard enough.

* Isn’t tomrrow the rehersal? Are you sure you’ll be fine?

* You’re nervous because you haven’t worked hard enough.

* LOLOL!

* You’re distracting Zen. Out!

* Lolol Zen I think you’re distracted.

* You didn’t even start your life outside of school. You already think life is pointless?

* You should always watch your behavoirs and obey the rules.

* The world is a dark place! Hopeless! With no light!

* I think he still has a long way to go until he matures.

* Oh, so this is the infamous…

* Lololololol

* What a repetition… It must have been boring.

* So…is that darkness of yours…still there in your heart?

* Think about how frustrated your parents will be with you.

* …..

* It’s bedtime for you.

* Back to practice you go, Zen

* I think you’re better off alone.

* Enjoy –

* You’re not making excuses because you’re tired of practicing, are you…?

* Have a good one.

03:17

* I had something to do.

* She said you need to do better than that.

* I have a feeling I’ll get along with her well.

* You’re not thinking anything funny, are you?

* That’s a bit creepy.

* I can drink it if I have to.

* I think you’re weak.

* Don’t make me hear such weak thoughts. I’m tired of them.

* You’re pathetic…

* Run along now.

* If you have time to show me this, you should work more on proving yourself.

* You should go. Now.

07:40

* I’m feeling gloomy…

* Situation?

* Do we have a trouble or something?

* Let’s hear it – !

* Don’t you think it’s so alarmingly sudden?

* V’s work must be awesome!

* I think you should first contact V about this.

* Maybe he wanted to get in touch with the prime minister for his grand personal plan…?

* What?

* He seems to be rather in a hurry….

* I think you’re all being overdramatic here

* What a joy, but I think V wouldn’t even bat an eye at the news.

* But he’s too high in the authorities. I’m getting nervous…

* I wish we could bring the prime minister to the RFA. That will be… so fantastic

* You do know you have less than a day till the rehersal, don’t you?

* See you.

* Maybe you should keep trying to reach him.

* It’s no wonder. They’re childhood friends.

* Congrats! The prime minister wants to buy your pictures

* Well, I am getting a bit frustrated. Isn’t it about time…?

* You should set the appointment now. Why don’t we bring him to the RFA?

* I hope the prime minister could be one of us.

* That’s just my opinion.

* I hope you consider bringing him to the RFA

* Yes…?

* Who?

10:23

* Jumin – ! You’re seeing the prime minister today, aren’t you?

* What a waste of few seconds of your life.

* Do you think there’ any meaning in temporary leisure…?

* But we can’t deny that social recognition comes before leisure. That’s unfortunate…

* I think break and hobby are the same… They prove how lazy a person is.

* I salute you, o wielder of life oh-so-empty…

* The pure essence of darkness… Oh, the might power of puberty…

* Don’t you think it’d be more lit…if the prime minister joins us?

* You must be nervous!

* You two shouldn’t get too involved in your hobbies and instead focus on your duties, with classes and work.

* Does it matter whether if you tell them apart? It’s just another way of wasting your time.

* …Anyways, I think slacking off is lazy and bad.

* Don’t ask me something like that.

* It’s a break when you do something without any thought. It’s a hobby when you use your head as you slack off.

* His world is different from ours. No need to understand him.

* That’s why we gotta choose our hobbies wisely.

* I don’t know. I’m not really interested in his philosophy… or I’m curious about him. Why don’t we invite him to the part and hear more from him? (If you want the email)

* I think hobbies are something out of our league. We should just balance work and break.

* Hmm…..

* I think that’s possible because her job is still her No. 1 priority.

* I don’t think parents are every wrong…

* Jumin, you actually know what ‘fangirling’ means?

* lololololololol

* I hope you make yourself useful.

* Do ask him about joining us…

* I think you need to get a grip on yourself.

* I don’t think this is the time for you to procrastinate.

* I’m gonna finish what I’m doing!

13:10

* I’m skipping today –

* How was it?

* The difference between talents isn’t something that can be overcome.

* Tell me about it…. I wish his pictures would see at high prices.

* How did your meeting go?

* You mean V lost this golden opportunity?

* I’m sure it’s related to that secret of his. Just what could it be?

* He just can’t tell apart his personal life from his business life, can he?

* Was the prime minster understanding?

* I think V is ill. Both his body and mind seem weak.

* I wouldn’t have let that opportunity slip away.

* He could have had a new recruit!

* Did you have a feel that V’s hiding something?

* Then that would mean we can trust him…!

* I wonder what he liked about V’s photos.

* I don’t think discussions on politicians’ looks have any particular meaning.

* I don’t know. I’ll side with the majority.

* I don’t think giant corporations will always assume the bad role in the economy, as long as there are good.

* I’m not really interested in politics.

* I didn’t know you were interesed in politics.

* I’ll see you again, Jumin.

* I think I’m close to conservative.

* Hmm, not really interested. or Good idea. I’d like to learn couple things from him too. (If you want the email)

* I’ll see you.

14:50

* Hey hey hey Yoosung

* You’ve barely done anything so far. I don’t think going to class will do any difference….

* I thought the only thing you do at night is playing games….

* You said you’d do it. Now there’s no point if you’re not the best.

* I thought you had a lot of thoughts the other day…..thinking about your dark, pointless life….

* Why don’t we change the subject? ^^

* Same here lol

* He’s got looks, good social standing, authority…. I think he has everything.

* V’s reason was kind of unreasonable….

* I think you lost your concentration here.

* Tomorrow’s the d-day for the rehersal.

* Don’t fall for such waste of time…..

* Welcome, Seven.

* Is there something wrong? It’s not related to the hacker, is it?

* You’re not relatives with the prime minister, are you? lololol

* I will…!

* I’m sure he’ll manage.

* I don’t think you have time to chat right now….

* ….I don’t think it’ll be really helpful even if Yoosung goes to help you.

* I’m not sure if this is a good idea….

* Focus on your class. Now.

* Now, back to your practices.

* A job is meant to be painful

* I want you to think about how to improve your acting before you come back.

16:37

* Why did you decline the offer for purchase?

* ….I think it’s fishy that you declined.

* Has anyone ever told you that the guilty tends to be talkative?

* V, why didn’t you invite the prime minister to join the RFA?

* Jumin, don’t you think that V and Seven…are really suspicious?

* Considering the weight of the secret burdening V, I think it’s amazing that he’s performing this much as the head

* Of course you feel complicated. You have too many secrets.

* …It looks kind of dark.

* At least there’s no doubt that flower doesn’t belong there…

* ...I think you should plant the daffodil somewhere else for the sake of the small flowers. They will suffer

* I think you’re being obsessive, V. I think the daffodil has reached a stage you can’t do anything about it….

* You should give up the daffodil. It will just ruin your garden.

* No. Rather than throwing away a problem, I think you should try to fix it until the end.

* Don’t you think we’d get to expect tomorrow because it can’t be predicted?

* You should give up if you can’t solve it.

* Come on, they don’t look alike at all.

* Explain to me later on.

* Do you honestly think….he really deserves the seat at the top of the RFA?

* Does he…still miss Rika?

* Tell him the solid truth!

* I don’t know.

18:52

* I think he’s trying to run away from reality… It’s kind of irresponsible of him.

* We should consider our audience’s state even when discussing truth, shouldn’t we….?

* Uhm….I tend to say truth indirectly, so that I won’t hurt anyone….

* Don’t you think you’re losing focus? I knew it….

* Don’t you think you’ll get disappointed in yourself if you ruin this?

* I don’t think being good is always right.

* Hello!

* What kind of wine are you drinking?

* I’ll say. I thought it’s easy.

* You shouldn’t do that to your family.

* I think everyone has evil within. You should awaken it, Zen.

* But Zen would be the master of potrayting good Dr. Zekyll. That’s his area of expertise….

* You’re good-looking. I’m sure you’ll look good with whatever expression.

* Nope he’s not.

* lolololol

* Is it your chief bodyguard?

* I knew it. You so smart, Jumin.

* Then tell him to send me an email! I’ll ask him. or I think he’ll just be busy working even if he attends the party…. Let’s just keep him working. (If you want the email)

* Hard work matters.

* Jumin, you’re leaving now?

* Bye –

* You sure are interested in Jumin a lot.

* Go practice now.

* Do your best.

20:49

* Are you whining to me?

* Aren’t you gonna work?

* You don’t even desreve to get excited.

* Do you even realize what the best really means?

* I wish you’d be different. I think you’re being a parrot here.

* You’re such a freak.

* You’re growing more pathetic the more I stay with you.

* I was talking to be nice to you. But since you say no, I can’t help it.

* You disappoint me every time….

* Really? Anything?

* So you’ll do whatever I tell you to do?

* Again with the please… I’m getting tired of this.

* You’re such an airhead. You’re so stupid.

* Just go away. You’re annoying.

21:21

* Welcome, Yoosung. Are you done with your classes?

* I don’t think that’s a dream…

* A bad dream!

* There’s barely a difference between love and hate.

* This world is dominated by capitalists… This world is a chose where sentiments cannot last!

* LOLOLOLOL

* The sun will rise again tomorrow. As if nothing happened. Proving how small our troubles are….

* Zen…are you sure you’ll find Yoosung helpful?

* White is your responsibility. I don’t understand why you’d ask for help.

* But beauty is something you’re born with…

* That’s right… No one can dare to match your beauty, Zen.

* But you should prepare for your future.

* Zen, admit that you’re not good enough!

* Narcissism doesn’t work with Yoosung the Sentimental.

* Nope you can’t help him.

* …This is tricky. Group project is another name for a little hell….

* You’re doomed…

* Are you gonna take this opportunity to master math?

* Then I think he’ll know a lot of math tricks useful in real life lol

* Oh! That’s good!

* Sure. I think I want to ask him something about math. or I don’t know. I think he’ll be busy trying to hunt for clients at the party… (If you want the email)

* Are you sure you enrolled in ones absolutely necessary?

* You’re a perfect husband material…!

* I think it’s because he didn’t get enough practice.

* Zen do you think you can count on Yoosung’s advice…?

* Make sure you don’t waste time…

* You think that can chance anything…?

* So there goes your sleep for the night.

Visual Novel #1:

* Who is it?

* (Open the door and check what’s outside)

* This is creepy. I hate someone like you

* I don’t need this. You should work If you have time to do this

* Why are you crying?

* Where are you going!?

23:19

* Are you done with work?

* Great work!!

* Zen and Yoosung would be practicing, so other than those two… Probably…?

* I think it’s better for him to do it alone…

* You’re here? Don’t tell me the hacker’s loafing around…

* So the fight isn’t over yet… I wish it’d be over quickly.

* I think the hacker is being lazy.

* I’m sorry I confused you a little here.

* If this is something illegal, I’m reporting it.

* And that hacker couldn’t beat you…? I think he’s no big deal.

* Do you like cars that much?

* …I knew it. You’re always up to something fishy.

* You’re kind of weird. Seven, but since you’re talented…I’ll give you a pass.

* I don’t think you have time to collect cars if you want to keep breathing.

* …But having a suspicious job isn’t a good thing. I think you shouldn’t let others know.

* I don’t know. That depends on how hard the hacker works…

* A true love’s kiss?

* You just won’t stop, will you…?

* Seven…

* This is reality…Don’t get your hopes too high.

* I’d like to know who’d win!

* Peace will only come after endless work.

* Goodbye.

Visual Novel #2:

* (Go outside)

* My savior... Weren’t you going somewhere?

* I don’t like that face of yours

* This is boring now

>> BAD ENDING STORY 1 <<

________________________________________________________________

Ray Bad Relationship Ending 1:

1. Get into Ray’s route from 1 - 4 days in Another story

2. Don’t participate in the chatrooms from 5 - 6 days

Visual Novel #1 - Day 6 after chatroom at 21 : 21

* (Opens the door)

* Come in, Ray

* Thank you, Ray

* Ray

* Where are you going!?

Don’t participate in the last chatroom at 23 : 19 and unlock the branch.

Visual Novel #2:

* (Go outside)

* Who is it?

* Where is Ray?

>> BAD RELATIONSHIP STORY 1 <<

#mystic mesenger #rayroute #unknown #saeranchoi

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self-critical-automaton · 5 years

Text

Whats Been Going On With Me Lately

So basicly the TLDR is:

I’ve been super ill in weird and new brain ways since about mid-december, when withdrawal from my antidepressants resulted in strange intense psychological events, and I’ve been dealing with the fallout and day-to-day distress ever since. I’m terrified that i might have suffered permanent alterations/damage to my mental state, but who can say.

Details under the cut for anyone who wants to know how ive been doing, or wants to hear about what happens when you quit a high dose of fluoxetine cold turkey after five or six years.

Or for anyone who is going through something similar and wants some info/hope, since withdrawal experiences seem to be super idiosyncratic and variable and its almost impossible to find detailed descriptions.

I’d really appreciate it being read, esp. by people in my life, but dont feel compelled or whatever idk i dont make the rules but srsly please read it if you can it took a lot of time and effort

PS: this and several other articles on that blog were a huge help to me getting through the first couple phases, if you’re having trouble with withdrawal please go read PPS: fine to reblog, in fact please do

In 2017 I started getting painful physical side effects from my antidepressants, which gradually got worse until in lateish-2018 I decided to stop taking them outright. Everyone ever says you shouldn’t quit antidepressants cold-turkey, and they are right, but I’d been taking them inconsistently due to the pain, and I was beginning to suspect they’d stopped helping me anyway, so it seemed the best option.

I quit in probably mid-October and for a couple months felt much the same as usual, but then around the 13th of December it all kicked off. At first I had no idea what was happening, and I thought I was suffering a sudden and intense flu coinciding with a bad depressive spike, but after a couple days I figured out that withdrawal can be offset by weeks or months in rare cases, and decided this is what must be happening. That first round of Withdrawal Time had a few soft-edged but distinct phases (lasting about a week each), and I went through by far the worst experience in my entire life, closely followed by the second-worst and then third-worst.

Round One Start! Phase One: intense existential dread

It kicked of very suddenly, around the 13th december, getting rapidly worse over a couple days. I was paralysed with fear as my mind sunk into thinking in infinite circles, unable to do anything other but endlessly contemplate and debate morbid philosophical topics, forced to confront the inevitability of death, emptiness of life, terror of oblivion, impossibility of afterlife, and so on. I also suffered sensory experiences similar to those ive heard described by people who take drugs like LSD, or very severe fever dreams. Sensations of expanded perception, becoming trapped in imaginary scenarios on other planes, that sort of thing.

In this phase I ate almost nothing, and over that week lost 4 or 5 kg. I also had some flu symptoms, mostly as fevers and chills, and could ony, really sleep in short bursts of a couple hours each. There was very little I could safely occupy myself with, as almost all media (books, games, film, fiction and nonfiction, everything really) would in some way trigger me into thinking about an existential topic, and then the terror would resume. I spent what time I could working to fix the problems with my life that I had suddenly become aware of (my social isolation, my medial issues, my mental health, etc), so I made a lot of phone calls, doctor visits, and applied to some mental health counseling services. I also started looking for avenues to make friends and acquaintances online and in person, and did a lot of research on antidepressant withdrawal.

Towards the end of this phase, the dread got more manageable and began to ease off, and I found I could play simple puzzle games to help occupy myself during the day. Listening to certain podcasts also was a source of relief and distraction. However, things remained bad in the morning and evenings, and I ended up referring to these times as ‘morning hell’ and ‘evening hell’. Also, I began to keep a basic daily log of my symptoms.

Phase Two: generalized anxiety

As I segued into this phase, the existential dread mostly withdrew during the day, leaving instead a sense of severe generalized anxiety. I’ve had issues with anxiety in the past, but it’s always been event-related or social, so Generalized Anxiety Disorder style anxiety was an interesting addition to my mental health cocktail. I still suffered the existential dread, but primarily during the Morning and Evening Hells, and as occasional spikes during the day. Mostly, I felt like it was off to one side somewhere, and felt anxiety about thinking about existential topics.

I got little done, but was able to occupy myself with podcasts, housework, simple games, and (oddly enough) Star Trek: The Original Series. Almost anything else I tried would worsen the anxiety, and threaten to trigger existential dreads. During this time I started sleeping more normally, but also began waking every night with chest pains and leg pains, which of course caused a great deal of anxiety about heart issues and blood clots. I also began to feel like I had begun to ‘wake up’ after having sleepwalked through the past year or so.

Phase Three: misc badfeels and weird sensory effects

As phase 2 segued into this one, around christmas day, the anxiety started to recede during the day. I’d get a window of safety varying from half an hour to a few hours, usually starting in the early afternoon. I began to leave the house more, going for walks with my partner, which could occupy me safely during bad feeling times. During those windows, I often still felt bad, but it felt like a ‘normal’ bad, like depression and ennui, rather than the very active generalized anxiety or severe dread. I also began to be able to read again, and to play games more widely. I committed to attending some local social events (some board games/RPG things, and a support group) and mostly tried to get on with life.

I was frequently quite sluggish and slow, and didn't usually get much work done, even napping occasionally. As my days improved, my nights worsened, with bad sleep and bad dreams. I would also have odd brief sensory effects, such as hallucinations and waking dreams. For the first time since withdrawal started, I began to worry that I was slipping backwards and getting worse again. Up until that point, I had felt like, as awful as I was feeling, there was a slow but consistent improvement.

By early January I was having inconsistent bouts of the existential stuff and the generalized anxiety in the day, but looking back probably not as intensely as in the earlier phases.

Phase Four: inconsistent rehash

Phase four was similar to phase three, except without the consistency that phase three had (at least earlier on) of ‘morning bad, day safe, evening bad’. It also lasted longer than the ‘about a week’ of previous phases. I had ups and downs of general bad feelings throughout the day, with occasional spikes or longer bouts of existential fear or generalized anxiety, and I developed an aversion to going to bed (as most mornings would feel worse than evenings). I usually slept badly, and I started waking up during what I’m pretty sure were sleep-panic-attacks an hour or so after going to sleep. Chest pains and so on were very common and worrying, so I talked to the doctor a lot and ended up on some cardio waiting lists.

I had some depressive episodes which felt very much like the kind of depressive episodes I’ve had over my life, and about the same topics, though more intensely. It was almost comforting, in a back-to-normal sort of way.

Frankly, this whole phase felt like a random jumble of previous phase symptoms and pre-withdrawl mental health stuff, almost like dimming lightbulbs on an old electrical system, fading in and out and going on and off randomly and unpredictably.

Towards the end of January, I had a bad bout of flu, but during that time I felt a lot better in mental health terms. I don’t know if this was due to the distraction of a big obvious ‘thing to survive’ or if it was a natural upswing as part of the arc of that phase. After I got over the flu, I had a couple days of existential stuff reasserting itself, and I was worried that it was a second bout of Phase One, but I stopped recording my log on the 5th of February, so it’s hard to recall anything past this.

Interstitial Period

I’m pretty sure that for most of February, I felt ‘back to normal’, and was feeling more-or-less how I had been before withdrawal kicked off. That said, my capacity to occupy myself has not really recovered. I’m occasionally able to play games or read, but I often have a bad sense of ennui. This may be my natural yearly Seasonal Affective Disorder, or a natural depressive episode (I have consistently if infrequently had times where I’m unable to occupy myself and suffer ennui, just as part of being a depressed person), but I’ve not had one this long before.

I have a strong fear that my cognition/way of being/mental state has been permanently altered by that first phase, that it in some way ‘opened my eyes’ and now I will never be able to go back to how I was. I’m scared that I might never be free of this existential dread lurking in the back of my mind, but also trying to dissemble, forget, or distract myself feels like a foolish naivety. Its something we all have to face, so postponing the inevitable is pointless, but also I can’t overcome or accept it, so I’m trapped in a limbo.

Round Two?

After feeling mostly ’back to normal’ for a while, I’ve been having some bad times again. For about a week or so (end of febuary/beginning of march), I’ve been having existential fears and the ‘big mix of generalized bad feeling’ again, on and off during the day, and especially in mornings/evenings. I was very afraid that it was the beginning of a downslope into a full repeat of this entire cycle, but it’s been pretty consistent so far, rather than getting worse.

I’m hoping that this is indeed Round Two, and that its just a lot less bad than Round One, which would be consistent with what I’ve read about this stuff.

Final Thoughts

Phase one was the worst thing ive gone through in my life, but on good days I feel somewhat optimistic that it’s had a ‘rock bottom’ kind of effect, that I can find some positive things to come out of it.

It’s given me some perspective, and it’s helped me come out of a sleepwalking time in my life. I feel what i’m missing in my life much more keenly (social isolation/ lack of friends, lack of passion, lack of purpose/drive/meaning in my life), but I’m also able to work on them to some extent for the first time in years.

That said, I know these take a lot of time and work to fix, but it’s hard not to look at the glacially slow progress i’ve made as ‘no progress in basically three months’, and sink back into the things-will-never-get-better-so-why-try kind of depression.

I’m gonna keep trying, though.

#mental health #Withdrawal #mental #health #depression #anxiety #antidepressants #ssri #recovery

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murasaki-murasame · 5 years

Text

Episode 23 of :re continues to be a really solid adaptation, even if it’s of some very flawed material. And this final arc at least feels a bit less exhausting and overdone than it did in the manga, so that’s neat.

Anyway, detailed thoughts under the cut, and spoilers for the whole manga.

As I expected, this episode covers the first half of volume 16. Like, literally half of it. The volume is roughly 320 pages long, and this episode adapted the first 160 pages, lol. And as I also expected, it worked out just fine, pacing-wise. Barely anything actually got cut. A few scenes got made a bit more concise, and Takizawa didn’t watch Donato and Amon fight, but that’s about it.

At least in terms of the stuff specifically from this part of the manga alone. I think it’s worth noting that they bring Ayato back into the story in this episode, but they don’t really talk much about what he was up to, and it looks like they’re completely cutting out the detail of him bringing back some feral children that lived underground.

I think I like this change a fair bit, even though I can tell it’s gonna annoy a lot of people. I always really disliked how Ishida handled the entire plot point of Ayato finding that underground city and the corpse of the old dragon, so I can certainly live with how the anime is removing a lot of the focus on it. The time spent setting it up in the manga just made it all the more disappointing when absolutely nothing of value came of it, so at least in the anime it’s upfront about how much of a background detail it is.

On the topic of things I didn’t like from around this part of the manga, I’m vaguely disappointed that the anime kept the stuff with Eto being brought back at the last minute, but I can’t really blame them for just being faithful to the manga. I still think that the anime is at it’s best when it’s actively going against the execution of the manga, and this is something where I think they could have easily just cut it out. I have a feeling it’s also going to be something where anime-only people wind up understandably assuming that the manga must SURELY have done more with this plot point, and taken even the SLIGHTEST effort to actually explain why the fuck it’s happening, but yeah no lol. The way that Ishida brought her back out of absolutely nowhere and then almost immediately kills her off was so awfully handled that most of the fandom genuinely hates it and wishes it never happened. There’s a lot of things where I’m in the minority for disliking some parts of the writing, but trust me when I say that nearly everyone hates what Ishida did with Eto here. I honestly still don’t fully grasp what he was even trying to achieve with this, other than him trying to bring the Owl back for the final arc just to . . . make some last-minute parallels to the end of the first series? Who even knows.

That’s actually my only real complaint about this episode, though. Everything else was very solid and well-executed. They didn’t really add anything or flesh anything out beyond what happened in the manga, but they just adapted what happened in the manga in a really solid, satisfying enough way.

I remember disliking how the Donato-Amon and Yomo-Uta fights were handled in the manga, but I think that was mostly a pacing issue. The manga devoted several chapters exclusively to those fight scenes, which just felt unnecessarily drawn-out. It feels a fair bit more natural in the anime, partly because both of those fights are a bit more concise than they were originally, and partly because I think the anime cuts between them a bit more than the manga did, which makes it feel less like you’re following one fight for a weirdly long time. I’d have to reread this part of the manga to remind myself exactly how I feel about it, but I also think that the resolution between Yomo and Uta felt more satisfying and less underwhelming than it did originally.

Also, I can’t really remember if an anime-only person would know about Amon’s history with Donato by this point. I never got around to watching Root A, so I genuinely have no idea if that season talked about their backstory. I know that it hasn’t come up in the :re anime, but even in the :re manga there’s barely any references to Amon’s childhood. So maybe that whole scene was something that wouldn’t work at all for anime-only people, but I can’t tell.

I still have a lot of complicated feelings about Amon’s entire place in :re’s story. It ultimately just feels really unnecessary, like he was mostly brought back just so he could wind up dating Akira and have a happy ending. There’s not really much that the story actually does in :re to substantially develop him or explore his character. On it’s own his whole confrontation with Donato is very nice and bittersweet, and it’s good to see him acknowledging that he’s a part of the warped world he lives in, and that he can’t avoid taking responsibility for that, but overall it feels particularly odd to have his big final moment as a character be focused on his relationship with Donato, given how little screen-time that plot point gets, especially in :re. It feels more logical for the story to focus on how conflict with Kaneki, but that whole thing just gets kinda . . . brushed under the rug in a really unsatisfying way.

I’ll at least say that the disappointing aspects of how Amon is handled as a character are much less obnoxious and jarring as they were in the manga, if only just because the anime has been covering like two thirds of :re in twelve episodes. It’s more reasonable for Amon to not have THAT much focus or development in a 24-episode anime than it was for his moments to be so few and far between across 180 chapters of a manga that ran for like three years. It’s still not the most satisfying thing ever, but at least people watching the anime didn’t have to spend literal YEARS watching basically nothing happen with his character, lol.

Oh right, I just remembered that V exists, and that I guess they’re another part of the episode I disliked. I mean, they’re involved with the whole Eto thing, but my reasons for disliking them are entirely separate. They’re another whole plot point that I think Ishida handled terribly, and there’s not much the anime can do to improve that. They’ve always just been this really lame, cliche shadow organization with murky goals, and nothing much ever gets done with them. I can’t blame any anime-only people for thinking that they’re really boring and under-utilized and unexplored, but the manga doesn’t do much more with them. To be blunt, the fact that I completely forgot about them right after the episode ended kinda says everything you need to know about how badly they’re handled even though they’re kind of sort of the Big Bads [tm] of the entire series, lmao.

I said before that this episode didn’t necessarily add anything new to what was originally in the manga, but after going back through my copy of volume 16 [I donated my English TG manga collection to my local library last week but I still own the last three volumes of :re in Japanese], it looks like that short scene with Mutsuki getting protected by Urie and Akira was anime-original. Which is a bit surprising since it was a fairly minor scene that didn’t impact much. I really liked it though. It’s just a neat detail to show Mutsuki’s friends and colleagues protecting him, and there’s something really bittersweet about how it comes across like he was willing to accept his fate and let himself be killed by the fake Owl, and was surprised to find himself being protected. It helps really hammer in the character growth and reconciliation that’s been going on with him and those around him lately, and it just works really nicely. It continues to be really interesting to me that almost all of the most major changes/cuts/additions in the anime thus far relate to Mutsuki’s character, and in general improving upon how Ishida handled him originally. I really appreciate it, but I’ve already talked about that a lot so I don’t need to go back over it.

Getting to the final part of the episode, the whole scene with Kaneki confronting Furuta wasn’t substantially different to the manga in how it plays out, and what sort of a note the episode ends on, but it’s interesting that the anime is portraying him in a more serious and genuinely threatening light, whereas this bit from the manga really played up his joke-y attitude. I think I prefer it this way, but it’s not the biggest change ever. In general I really like the note this episode ended on. I think the fact that they cut out one or two instances of Kaneki cracking his fingers previously in :re helped make this moment feel more important and surprising, so that’s cool.

Now that we’re halfway into the final volume of the manga, that just leaves the final half of it to adapt in the final episode, which should be totally fine. There’s a lot of scenes that can go by REALLY fast in the anime. Especially the epilogue, since a huge chunk of that can probably just be handled as a montage while the ending theme or whatever plays, rather than how we had to slog through so many pages of so many pointless narrative exposition boxes in the manga. Some of the final scenes between Kaneki, Furuta, and then Rize also felt almost comically drawn out in the manga, which always felt a bit weird given how rushed the overall ending felt, and how tight of a schedule Ishida was working on. You could really tell that he tried and failed to get the ending extended by an additional three chapters.

We don’t know what the final episode will be called yet, but they’ll probably have that sorta info up in the next day or two. I’m kinda excited to see what they call it, since the final episode of :re s1 ditched the naming scheme of the rest of the episode names to give it something more unique. So it’ll be neat to see what they do for the final episode.

I’m of course gonna hold back on giving my final thoughts on the :re anime until it all ends in the next episode, but I think we’re close enough to the end that my feelings on it won’t really change much, so I just wanna reiterate that I genuinely really love it, in spite of it’s flaws. I would have preferred something more . . . ‘transformative’, if that makes sense, but as an adaptation that takes the existing story and just tells it in a better way, I think the anime works surprisingly well. This final season in particular has been a big step up from the manga.

All in all I just have a lot of affection for it and what it’s been trying to achieve [especially with how they’ve done so much to improve the endless list of issues with how badly Ishida handled Mutsuki as a character], and I don’t think that goodwill could be tarnished at this point with just one episode left. I’ve jokingly said before that even though there’s more objectively good options, this is probably one of my favourite anime of this year, but I think I genuinely stand by that. There’s been some REALLY great stuff this year, even in terms of just stuff I’ve fully watched [like Devilman Crybaby, Revue Starlight, Planet With, etc etc], but I just feel really strongly about the :re anime. Also there’s some recency bias going on, lol. It’s been so long since I watched Devilman Crybaby. This year was a goddamn decade long.

#murasaki rambles #tokyo ghoul #tokyo ghoul :re #I just *clenches fist* like this anime a lot you guys

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kusunokihime-a · 6 years

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[ Okay y’all, I think it’s about time I got a few things off my chest and onto the dash. This isn’t anything personal, nor directed at any one person. Just my feelings about my dash and how things have been going the last few months for me. There’s some important info under the cut, but I’ll try to summarize at the end for a tldr for those in a hurry.

First off, admittedly, muse has been hard to come by lately. I’m sure a lot of you have noticed that I’ve slowed down a lot in activity. Life has been a lot busier than I’m used to due to my summer job (aka raising five orphan calves). It’s been a far cry more of a juggling act than having only one last year, and it’s honestly made keeping up muse hard due to it being very time-consuming and tiring. Add in that it’s the pits of Summer, and my room where my desktop is regularly reaches 90+ degrees Fahrenheit for several hours a day, and that leaves very little energy/mojo for sitting in the heat and trying to write when I’m tired. The last straw is that my mental health has been in a fairly steep decline lately (none of which I can afford to treat). Put those factors together, and you have a very drained individual who is all the more depressed because her one outlet is less enjoyable due to those very factors.

I’ve been trying to get back into things: revamping my blog design, new icons, even new blogs! And though I want to be doing these things, I still lack the energy for them for the above-mentioned reasons. My drafts and ask replies are still slow, and I feel bad for making everyone wait. True, this is a hobby, but one I love dearly. I don’t like to disappoint those who help make it fun for me.

So, to try and make up for my lack of activity, I’ve done my best to make a regular habit of having inbox calls! All it takes is a like, and I’ll hop into your inbox and give you an ask to reply to from whatever muse I’ve got inspiration for. Seems simple enough, and all of the regulars have been using them frequently, which I’m glad for!

But admittedly, I’ve gotten a bit...frustrated lately. A few months ago I started making a point of clearing out inactive blogs of 4+ months. And even with that in place, I still follow over 160 blogs, probably which 95% are RP blogs that I’m mutuals with. And yet my efforts to reach out and interact are only met by the same five or so people, with the occasional rare exception.

No one is obligated to interact, of course. I’m not begging for that. What I am trying to convey is that I’m reaching a point where it seems largely pointless to be following 90% of the blogs I follow. Admittedly, I don’t read others’ posts hardly at all unless they’re meant for me. I just don’t have the time, and I often lack context to make them as enjoyable for me to read as they do for those they’re intended for. And while I understand people do so themselves, and sometimes follow blogs just for reading their writing - without intent to interact - I guess I’ve just reached a point where I don’t see much reason to follow many of the blogs I follow. There’s no interaction despite me both reblogging memes, and having open calls.

Like...forgive me for sounding short, but all it takes is a simple click from a blog on my open posts, and I’ll bring the ask to them. It takes literally a moment. And while I, with abundant social anxiety, understand that sometimes that’s too much, there’s not much else I can do besides just doing things of my own volition. Which, again, given my lack of energy and time, I just...can’t do. Especially not for as many blogs as I follow.

So, what’s my point? My point is, I’m considering a sizable purge of those I follow. Mainly those I’ve never interacted with despite having been mutuals for a good share of time. Maybe even those who very rarely interact. Because at this point, I have so little energy to be here properly, I don’t want to squander it on those who won’t reciprocate. Which may sound harsh, but this is a hobby. And if I’m to enjoy it, I have to do it in a way that lets me get the most out of it.

This, I suppose, is a heads up that in the coming days, when I have time to sit and do it, I’m likely going to go through my following list and unfollow a great share of people. It won’t be personal. It’ll just be because interaction - the reason I follow people back - just isn’t happening, and there’s not much point for you to be on my dash. You are, of course, in no way expected to keep following if you’re among those I unfollow - I know many people only like to follow mutuals. That’s how I operate, after all. So if I unfollow, feel free to do the same.

If you’re someone who follows just to read my stuff, good on you! Keep on following - I appreciate you, even if we don’t interact. But given that I don’t read things that aren’t intended for me, there’s just not much purpose in me following you back. If I’m to be mutuals with someone, then it’s because I want to write with you. And I want you to want to write with me. Given that my numerous open posts over the last several weeks have only been taken by a regular group of people, then...I see no point in extending my dash beyond those who make the effort.

I know this might sound harsh, but I’m tired of having so much...emptiness in this hobby. I only really have time and energy for what directly involves me and my muses. Which might sound a bit self-centered, but that’s how it is. I know you’re all wonderful writers. And I’m not booting you off my dash because I don’t like you, or your writing. I just want to condense things to what I personally want to see. And for me, that means what involves me, and the people who have taken the time to bond with me and my muses. So again, it’s nothing personal - I just have to clear my dash and following a bit.

IF we’ve yet to interact and you’d like to start something before I go through my list, PLEASE just let me know. I promise I’m a very approachable person. But I can only make opens so many times and have them be ignored before I get tired of trying. Hence doing a little cleaning house, so I can enjoy this hobby a bit more. Thank you all for your understanding <3

TL;DR - I’m going to clear my following of people who aren’t interacting with us, because limited time/energy mean wanting to condense my dash and following pool. Feel free to also unfollow, but I won’t softblock just in case you'd like to remain following. This probably won’t happen for a day or two, so feel free to talk to me OOC before then if you’d like to discuss anything. But it’s personally time for me to clear out those who aren’t meeting my offers for interaction so my dash is filled more with those who are willing/able to write with us. Thanks to everyone who’s followed regardless - y’all are great <3 ]

#sylvie speaketh [ ooc ]

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seasons-of-knb · 6 years

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Matchup.

May I have a matchup please? I’m a 4ft11 straight female with really long brown hair and green eyes. I love gaming and cross stitch. I generally go with the flow but I have a short temper and can have terrible mood swings. I also get bored really easily and don’t have a lot of patience. I’m outgoing when I want to be but also enjoy time to myself. I have a sarcastic and dry humour and although I’m quite friendly, I don’t make friends easily, I’m also mature and loyal. Thank you! :)

Hello! Me again, I would like to add a bit more information if that’s okay please? I’m quite lazy and don’t mind staying at home, additionally I also have a super weak immune system so I’m ill a lot, especially in the winter. I love animals and I am way too attached to my pet ferret. I suffer depression and severe anxiety due to my dad being an asshole (which doesn’t help with trusting people) and having a housefire along with a few other reasons but despite this I try to stay positive. I like watching sports but don’t play them, I do however do horse riding. Sorry if that’s too long, thank you!

Hello! Thank you for your patience; here's your matchup! And don't worry about the length, it's more than reasonable and you've given me sufficient info to help me find a good match for you. I hope you like this ;)

I match you with Takao Kazunari.

Takao is one of the warmest and most welcoming people you could ever meet, so his personality suits yours best. He has lots of patience and tolerance, so as long as it's not something bad, he's basically very accommodating to almost anything.

He deals with your temperamental self just fine. Whether you have run out of patience, are angry, or are simply not feeling welcoming, he tries to lighten the atmosphere by cracking a joke or prodding you with his senseless yet amusing blabber, which eventually (and easily) turns your mood around because it's hard for you to resist Takao and his absolute goofiness. But he has a mature side to him as well. He is very observant, and can be quite perceptive to those around him, so he knows when to take a situation seriously. When things get bad, Takao is very willing to offer his ears or shoulder. Other times when you don't feel like saying anything, he would just silently hold you, so you won't have to feel alone; while you try to calm the storm inside of you on your own, Takao's presence around you lets you know that, through it all, he supports you from the background. He has the patience to wait your mood swings out and even live through them. Always, for you, he can adjust himself accordingly.

Your sarcastic nature is something he finds amusement in. Sometimes when you give a comment, whether intentional or off-handed, he would burst out laughing. He loves teasing you for it, prompting you to make a counter-attack, and this ends in a playful banter between the two of you.

He doesn't mind staying in when you don't feel like doing anything. Since it's Takao, you can never run out of fun things to do to keep yourselves busy and entertained even at home. And even if you sit on the couch all day, conversations never turn idle; pointless bickering or deep, intimate exchanges, or just simply cuddling with each other the whole day—name it, Takao is always up for it. Some days when the weather is fine, he'll coax you to go outside, and it's hard for you to say no due to his charms, and also because you know he always has something interesting in mind.

Takao likes to participate in—or more like butt in on—your hobbies with you. He's really bad at cross stitch, but it has more to do with him being too enthusiastic about it rather than simply having no talent for it. He is, however, very competitive when it comes to gaming and is willing to take you on a challenge every time. You, on the other hand, are always present in his basketball matches. He's really happy and gets so fired up whenever he sees your face among the crowd, cheering for him. More than once he'll look your way, giving you a wink or a thumbs-up, and maybe it merely looks like him being playful, but he's actually really grateful and appreciative of the fact that you are there to support him. To watch him play.

It's his pleasure—and an honor for him to be the one—to take care of you every time you get sick, and he very willingly takes on the job himself, especially if there's no one presently around to help you. This guy is creative and spontaneous, so you can expect out-of-the-blue, unusual yet touching things to be done for you. He would go out of his way to provide you with everything you need, to make you feel better not only physically but emotionally as well. He spoils you rotten during these times; he doesn't want you feeling lonely when you're sick.

Being a generally cheerful person, at the same time a compassionate and caring one, Takao wants to make sure that your emotional well-being is one of his absolute top priorities. He may not be that much knowledgeable about depression or anxiety, but, in his own way, he tries his best to help you cope with them. He does things for you—sometimes together with you—and by doing things differently in an entirely different but interesting setting, you begin to see the world in a new, and possibly positive, perspective. He doesn't create elaborate plans or resort to drastic measures that might make you feel uncomfortable or be more aware of your predicament. In retrospect, they're quite simple, ordinary things, and yet in every little detail, you could feel him inject a fiber of his being. You can feel his heart in the things he does for you, his intention to make things even just a bit easier for you, that sometimes even if you cannot forget about your problems completely, at least now you can laugh through them and just enjoy life. His light-heartedness and own positive outlook in life, in addition to his unconditional acceptance of all of you, in turn, help you acknowledge and even be at ease with every aspect of your own self, regardless of whether you've always considered them as shortcomings. His motto in his relationship with you is, 'He can't call himself your boyfriend (partner) if you cannot even lean on him'.

Due to his flexible personality, he can adapt well to most people. Sometimes, he brings you to meet his friends or basketball buddies, and you are nice and friendly enough to get along just fine with these people, but he doesn't push you any further if he sees even the slightest reluctance in you to let them in due to your struggle with trusting people. Even then, you have an absolute trust in Takao because he's a good and genuine person. And, most especially, because of the effort he puts in the relationship and for you.

Most of the time, Takao seems easy-going and happy, but even he has had his fair share of struggles and heartaches. But being mature and looking at the bright side of things, having the composure to accept what life gives you no matter if it isn't what you wanted and moving on from there—these are what's important to Takao. That's why he admires your resolve to trying to stay positive despite everything you're going through. And he's really proud of you.

Takao doesn't ask for much; he accepts you completely and unconditionally and everything you have to offer. Your constant presence in his life is more than enough to make him feel blessed and loved in return. He actually greatly appreciates your loyalty to him, and he's deeply happy at the fact that as he will always stay by your side no matter what, so will you.

#kuroko no basket #kuroko no basuke #knb #kuroko no basket matchup #kuroko no basuke matchup #knb matchup #takaru's stuff #might add the chibi scenario later #submission

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pasteladins · 6 years

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Worst Case Scenario (2/2)

Pairings: Kiralfonse F/M

Summary: Waiting to hear news from the healing tents is excruciatingly painful for the prince.

That night in the fort was restless. Everyone had difficulty sleeping, the grave image of their chief tactician bore deep into their minds, and the idea of her death was considered a possibility. The one plagued with these thoughts the most was Alfonse. The prince still wore his armor from the battle, the blood still stained his outfit. His tired legs dragged him back and forth in front of the healing tent, waiting for any news to come bursting through -- hopefully good news.

“Brother…” His pacing came to an abrupt stop when he saw his sister, her hair hanging freely as she had removed her hair accessories. Her golden hair bobbed slightly as she walked towards her sibling.

“It looks as though Kiran might be there all night.” Her comment only made the prince feel worse as he lowered his head. Quickly, Sharena tried to turn the conversation into a positive one, no matter what it took. “B-But at least they got the arrow out!” She gave him a small smile, urging him to cheer up.

Alfonse remembered that moment all too well. From behind the doors, he could hear Kiran’s screaming -- her frantic pleas to make them stop. At one point she scream for the prince, begging for any type of affection to calm her nerves, but the healers had strictly prevented anyone from entering, even the prince. It took the power of both the Commander and Sharena to pull him back before he could pull the flaps from the tent.

Now, about an hour had passed, and everything seemed calm. It was rather quiet in the tent, save for the muttering of spells and the hushed whispers of clerics exchanging info. Perhaps the lack of news meant that Kiran would be alright. Still, the prince could not muster a smile at this point, the frown on his face looking more and more permanent by the second.

The princess took small steps towards her brother and placed a gentle hand on his shoulder. Her looked at her with his eyes half lidded, and the bags under his eyes did not help his current state; he needed rest.

“Alfonse. I think you should clean yourself up and lie down for a bit.” Sharena knew how her brother would react to all this, and although she couldn’t prevent it from happening, she could at least help her brother cope with it.

“I’m fine, Sharena. You needn’t worry.” He dismissed, greeting his sister with a serious tone.

The Askran princess stomped her foot, clearly irritated by her brother’s stubbornness and desire to appear strong and level headed. “Oh come on, Al! You’re a mess! You haven’t left this spot in hours! And you smell awful! I don’t think Kiran would appreciate getting cuddled by a smelly prince!” She plugged her nose with two of her fingers to emphasize her point.

Alfonse did not take kindly to her words, but deep down, he knew she was right. Kiran may lose her dinner if she witnessed his current state.

“I’ll be here waiting for any news, and if anything does come along, I’ll make sure to call you.” She stated in a more sincere tone, before her exhausted brother could protest.

He was much too tired to argue, the idea of taking a quick nap did seem tempting to the sleep deprived prince. He glanced back at the door, trying to hear what Lissa was currently saying, something along the lines of a healing salve; her words were muddled in his ears. Before he took his leave, Alfonse gave the tent one final look, as if someone would spontaneously burst through the flaps with good news about Kiran’s condition. When he was greeted with nothing but silence, the Askran prince dragged his feet away from the door.

“Thank you, Sharena…” He gave her a weak reply, mustering a small smile -- albeit a weak one.

His sister appreciated the sentiment nonetheless, and returned a much more enthusiastic grin. “Don’t sweat it, bro! Now off you go! Go get rested up so you can look all fancy for Kiran when she wakes up!”

And off he went, unwrapping the scarf and studying the blood stains that had already dried. He hated being useless in moments like this. Sharena was suffering as well, but she did her best to force a smile and boost a little morale for the heroes. He, however, sulked and paced around like some impatient child. The least he could do was put some effort into looking like a prince.

After a quick trip to the bathing tent, Alfonse decided to take a nap. He ended up falling asleep for the rest of the night, only waking up in the early moments of dawn. The lack of news after such a prolonged period of time made Alfonse restless, and going back to sleep was pointless. So the prince chose to go for a stroll around the camp to pass the time. He allowed his feet to carry him wherever, and, at one point, he was sure he had walked over ten laps around the camp; Frederick would have been proud.

His early morning walk was interrupted when he noticed his sister running towards him, her unbound hair flailing about. Alfonse felt his chest tighten, already preparing himself for grave news. However, when Sharena came close enough, he could see her giving him a wide smile, and she waved her arms up excitedly.

“Brother! It’s Kiran! She’s awake!”

“She’s is?” And with that, the Askran prince immediately made his way towards the healing tent, his sister practically skipping beside him.

When he arrived at the tent, his hand stopped mere centimeters away from the flap. From inside it, he could hear someone speaking.

“Other than that, I think I feel fine.”

He gripped the flap, finally mustering up the courage to do so, and pulled it open. Sitting upright in bed was Kiran. From the nightgown she wore, he could almost see the bandages wrapped around her side.

The healers in the room looked at each other for a moment, startled by the prince’s abrupt entrance. Finally, Priscilla was the first to speak.

“Good morning, Prince Alfonse. Kiran is doing much better now. She may be bedridden for a good week, but she is recovering.” She bowed her head slightly and singled for the other healers. “I believe we should take our leave. If you need us, we’ll be out and about in camp.” And with that, she led the group of clerics outside. Sharena, glad to have seen the summoner in one piece, decided to give the two privacy, and she followed the healers out.

Kiran was silent, eyes wide and confused as she stared at the prince with bewilderment. She clutched the sheets in between her fingers. Slowly, Kiran gave Alfonse a small smile, despite her nervous demeanor.

“H-Hello... That was… certainly close.” She joked, trying to ease the tension in the room, but it did not work, as Alfonse was still silent, the frown on his face looking rather serious. Kiran pulled the sheets closer to her body.

“Listen, I know you’re-- Oof!”

Before she could process what was happen, Alfonse ran to her and wrapped his arms around her, being extra cautious as he slid them against her side. Kiran could feel him trembling, his grip tightening ever so slightly, as if letting go would cause her to disappear.

He finally spoke, but in a hushed whisper. “I’m so sorry.”

Kiran blinked, still confused about her current state. “About what? None of this was your fault. That archer caught me off guard.”

“But if I was there to protect you, none of this would have happened.” He softly retorted, pushing himself away to face the summoner. His eyes glimmered, as tears were dangerously close to falling. He couldn’t bring himself to face Kiran as the guilt still tugged at his heart, so he lowered his head in shame.

Tentatively, Kiran leaned forward and rested her forehead on Alfonse’s, closing her eyes before finally speaking. “You know you won’t be able to protect me from every attack. You’re just one person. “ She reached for his hands, gently rubbing her thumbs against them. “And I would never blame you, regardless of the situation. Besides, I’m alive! That’s what matters, okay?”

Kiran could only look on helplessly as Alfonse refused to make eye contact, it was clear that he was still blaming himself for everything that had happened.

“I’d hate to see you beat yourself up over this…” She fretted, releasing his hands and cupping his cheeks before placing a gentle kiss on his nose. “I’ll do anything to see you smile again!”

Silence fell between the two, the only source of noise were the crickets, singing their last songs as the night ended. Kiran could feel her heart breaking over the grieving prince -- she just wanted to see him smile again. To see that sweet smile that never failed to make her heart flutter.

“Alfonse…” She whispered, pulling him closer to her. If Kiran was to fix this, she had to do it now before he spiralled into a miserable self-destructive behavior. She racked her mind for any possible solutions, desperate to think of any idea that could work.

“How about this?” She spoke up, her increased volume caught the attention of the prince as he continued to sulk.

“How about we designate a hero to stay by my side for the entire fight? I know it may reduce our numbers, and every hero counts when it comes to this war, but if there is one hero whose main focus is to protect me, they needn’t worry about the battle, and I’ll be safe!”

The room fell into another moment of silence as Kiran bit her lip, anxiously anticipating Alfonse’s reply. She wrung her hands, fidgeting about in the sheet despite the soreness in her side, Kiran could still feel the bandages rubbing against the wound, and the thought of that bothered her immensely.

Her actions were interrupted when she felt the prince grab ahold of her hands.

“That does… sound like a better idea.”

Kiran couldn’t help the smile that. “See? My ideas are what make me an excellent tactician!”

Alfonse chuckled at Kiran’s comment. “They really are. I can’t imagine a better summoner.”

“You can always depend on me to think of something.” She chimed, feeling the heavy tension in the room lift itself away.

“Good, because I never want to see you in that state ever again.” The prince said, holding onto the tactician’s hands. “I was… I was terrified, Kiran. I thought I was going to lose you.” His voice fell down to a quiet decibel, but Kiran could still hear the fear and vulnerability as he confessed his worst fears.

“I’m sorry for scaring you…”

“No, don’t apologize, you cannot control these things either.” He went back and pulled her into another embrace, her hair tickling his chin as she rested her head on his shoulder.

“Mm’kay...:” The summoner mumbled. The prince could tell that Kiran’s exhaustion was taking over, as her reply was barely a mumble.

He softly stroked her back with one hand, encouraging her to rest up and regain her strength. However, before she succumbed to her tiredness, Kiran gave one last request.

“Alfonse?”

“Yes, Kiran?”

“Will you stay with me?” Her innocent request struck a chord in the prince’s heart. He could only smile as he kissed the top of her head.

“Of course.”

“Good… I’m glad…” Kiran murmured, finally allowing herself to fall asleep once again. Alfonse concentrated on the slow, peaceful rhythm of Kiran’s breathing as she happily snoozed away her worries.

“I’ll always be with you, Kiran. You needn’t ever worry about that anymore.”

#kiralfonse #alfokiran #Alfonse #Kiran #fire emblem heroes #feh

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lalainajanes · 7 years

Note

uHHHHHH kc + dragon caroline in aspen au FOLLOW UP PLEASE

Under Night Sky (Part Two) Part One Here.

Carolinehas always been a very punctual person, even before watches were a thing. It’sa quarter to seven when she walks into the bar, shaking off a dusting of snowand stripping of her outer garments before they could get wet.

Damp coldwas the worst.

Showing up thisearly had nothing to do with a desire to be on time. It has little to do with politeness;she’s not worried about making a good impression on the peculiar werewolf she’dencountered on the mountain last night.

No, this isstrategy.

She’d pickedthe meeting’s location specifically, had known that she could arrange thevariables to her advantage. She doesn’t go out much during the high seasons butwhen the tourists leave and Aspen slows the waitresses and bartenders arealways grateful for Caroline’s generous tips. She weaves through the crowds,basking in the warmth of the room. It’s packed with bodies and lit by numerousfireplaces and Caroline might even be able to take off her chunky knitcardigan.

She makes a beeline to the bar. The ambienceis purposefully low-key – comfy seating and music that didn’t overwhelmconversations. Pairs and small groups of humans are clustered in cozy seatinggroups and around high tables. Squeezing in to the pack around the bar shelooks around for someone she knows.

Thebartender who meets her eyes grins in recognition and welcome and she returnsit. He’s one of Caroline’s favorites, fun to flirt with, easy on the eyes, anda generous pourer. He even manages to be gracious when he loses at darts. She’soften wondered what had brought him to Aspen but Enzo has never offered anexplanation and Caroline had never pressed. She didn’t need to give him areason to get curious about her background. “Long time, no see! What’ll youhave?”

“The hotchocolate. With a shot of bourbon and extra whipped cream. And I need a favor.”

He leanscloser, resting his forearms on the bar. “Color me intrigued, Gorgeous.”

“I have an…associate meeting me here at 8. I need a spot that’s public but where we won’tbe disturbing anyone, if you know what I mean.”

“Associate,”Enzo repeats slowly. “I thought you were a writer.”

“Can writersnot have associates?”

“Can’t sayI know a lot of writers. But, if I were to give it some thought, I’d wonder whythe sort of associates a writer had would need the set up you’re suggesting.”

“Proprietaryinfo,” Caroline lies. “Big plot twists, that sort of thing.”

Enzo’sexpression makes it obvious he doesn’t believe her but he pushes back from thebar. “If you say so. But you’ll shout if you need me, yeah?”

Carolinefights a smile that would surely be indulgent. It was cute that Enzo thoughtshe needed protection. “I can handle myself, but thanks.”

He taps thebar and turns away, flipping up the top at the far end and slipping into thecrowd. Caroline spins on her stool once she loses sight of him, and she scansthe room, re-familiarizing herself with the exits, making a mental list ofeverything that could be used as a weapon. She’s got a knife in her bag, somewolfsbane, but she’s learned that sometimes improvisation was a necessary evil.

She feelssomeone climb on to the stool next to her and lean into her space. A quickglance in his direction, long enough to take in the gelled hair, Packers jerseyand overly cocky smirk. “No,” Caroline clips out. “I’m meeting someone.”

He openshis mouth to reply, and Caroline’s sure it would have been annoying, but she narrowsher eyes and he falters.

Clearly ahuman with above average self-preservation instincts.

She hears aclink behind her, glances back to see that Enzo’s returned and has gotten herdrink prepped. She barely notices her hopeful suitor retreat. Enzo nods towardsthe back corner. “The chairs by the far fireplace. I think that’ll suit yourpurposes? They were occupied but, with a little persuasion, and an offer of acouple free rounds, their occupants were happy to vacate. I’ll put it on yourtab, shall I?”

Carolinefigured that was a fair trade. “You’ve totally earned your big fat tip, Enzo.Thanks.” She wriggles her fingers in farewell and picks up her drink, wrappingher hands around the mug with a grateful sigh. The seats Enzo had cleared forher are upholstered in buttery leather, warmed by the crackling fire, andCaroline sinks into the one with the best view of the door, curling her legsunderneath her. She checks her phone, settles in to wait.

The wolfhas forty-three minutes to show up. If he knows what’s good for him he won’t belate.

When hestrolls in the door five minutes early – every bit as confident in a flawlesslytailored black coat and jeans as he had been entirely bare – Caroline refusesto allow herself to consider that a point in his favor. She doesn’t move, makesno motion to gain his attention. She watches him curiously, wondering how longit will take him to pick her out in the crowd. According to Bonnie the onlything she’d told the werewolf (or rather been coerced into revealing) wasCaroline’s name and location. He’d apparently wanted Bon to facilitate anintroduction but she had refused.

Brave ofher, considering the leverage the wolf had. Bonnie’s cousin had a knack forfinding trouble and was hopelessly inept at untangling herself from stickysituations. Caroline was going to have to look into a way to ensure herimpulsivity would leave Bonnie untouched in the future.

Carolinehad gone heavy on her perfume – not offensively so but enough to obscure herscent. The thick crowd will make distinguishing different smells difficult too,no matter how sensitive the wolf’s senses.

She had noidea how he could change without the moon, how he’d managed to change back sofast. She’s spent a good portion of the day pacing and plotting, had beenforced to admit that if he could do that he might have other abilities beyondthat of a run of the mill werewolf. She’d fired questions at Bonnie and they’dall been hastily dodged. It was clear that Bonnie knew something but she’d clammed up when pressed, had only urgedCaroline to be careful.

Like shewasn’t always.

She’dexpected him to have to look, to wander around the room. She’d thought she’dhave more time to observe – to take his measure before he found her but she’dbeen mistaken. His gaze locks on to hers after his first sweep of the room andhis slow smile tells Caroline that her efforts at concealment had beenpointless.

He’s madeher. Worrisome, but she hadn’t survived this long by being quick to panic.

He doesn’tlook away from her as he approaches, brushing through the crowd with ease.Caroline lifts her chin, refusing to squirm under the weight of his gaze. Shedoesn’t stand when he reaches her and he helps himself to the chair adjacent tohers without being prompted. His eyes drop, running over her form without ahint of shame, frank appreciation written plainly across her face.

“My eyesare up here,” Caroline tells him blandly, taking a sip of the drink in herhand. She’s switched to bourbon on the rocks and though it’s her third butCaroline’s head is perfectly clear. Getting drunk takes a great deal of effort,a combination of her physiology and her age.

He doesn’tmention the fact that she’d done some shameless ogling of his own last night ashe makes himself comfortable. The leather creaks as he settles, crossing anankle over the opposite knee, still studying her far too intently. “You’ll haveto forgive me, love, but I rather expected you’d be… larger. Harsher, somehow.”

Carolineoffers him a cutting smile, “The most dangerous things come in prettypackages.”

His eyesglint with amusement, “Touché. I must say I’m a bit upset. I’ve heard whispersthroughout the centuries, of dragon shifters and their value, but I’d alwaysdismissed them as fantastical.”

Shebristles a bit when he says ‘value.’ It’s a harsh reminder of all those who’dtried to capture her, those that would still come, intent on using pieces ofher for their own personal gain. She doesn’t let her ire show, maintaining aneutral expression. The second part of his statement was more pressing.

Werewolveswere lucky to manage a long human life, the strain of changing every month washell on them physically and they often died young. They certainly didn’t live centuries.

She’dthought his scent off yesterday, Caroline remembers. She’d picked up on asweetness, a faint tinge of metal, but she hadn’t made the connection.

Vampiresand werewolves did not mix.

ExceptCaroline had heard rumors of her own over the years.

Her fingerstighten on her glass as the pieces fall into place and he snatches it out ofher hand before it shatters. “Easy,” he murmurs. “It seems you’re not just apretty face, hmm?”

She glanceslongingly at the drink, wishes for the burn that could distract her from howgreatly she’d miscalculated. “You’re Klaus Mikaelson,” she says, thankful shemanages the words without a tremble.

She couldhandle a werewolf and most vampires but the really old ones, the vampires who outstrippedher years? They could pose a threat. Klaus was an original, now a hybrid. Hecould hurt very likely hurt her, even if she shifted. If anyone had theresources to hold her it was him.

Carolinewould need to tread carefully.

“I am,”Klaus says, smiling. Pure evil should nothave been given dimples like that. He takes her hand, and lifts it to his lips,“It’s a pleasure to officially make your acquaintance, Caroline.”

He lingersfor a long moment and Caroline holds her breath, sitting stiffly in her chair.His fingertips stroke her palm, “You can relax. I’m just here for aconversation.”

She’s surethat more than one person had heard similar reassurances shortly before theirdeath. “Yeah, sorry if I’m not super trusting. You’re kind of well-known andnothing I’ve heard about you suggests you’d balk at telling a couple of lies.”She tugs her hand back and he releases her instantly. She straightens her spineand folds her hands in her lap. “Now, what do you want? Scales, blood, teeth?”

“Blood. Fora spell.”

Of course.That’s how it usually went.

“Whatspell?” she expects him to demure since it’s really none of her business butKlaus surprises her by offering information freely. “My doppelganger is avampire and therefore useless. My younger brother has seen fit to inform methat there is another line. I need to find it.”

She sensesthere’s more to the tale – the harsh way he grinds out the word ‘brother’ tellsCaroline that there’s buckets of family drama there. Her innate nosiness makesher itch to press but she decides to stick the things that will affect herdirectly. “And my blood will help you do that?”

“Accordingto the witches I’ve consulted, yes. And since my propensity for violence whendispleased is well known I’m banking on them being correct.”

“Then whydidn’t you take it?” Caroline blurts out.

He wascapable, he’d had the opportunity last night. He could have taken her bysurprise easily – she wouldn’t have been expecting the speed and strength hewas capable of – and he could have left her bleeding in the snow last night. Orworse, dragged her away to some carefully constructed cage. Last night couldhave been, as he himself had noted, a neatly set trap.

“I’m sureyou know how finicky spells can be, being what you are. Witches are ever so fondof their terms and conditions. I need your blood and I need it willingly given.And I’ll need it more than once.”

Well, that changed things. Caroline’s tension meltedaway and she shifted to get more comfortable. It was good to be standing on aneven playing field again.

“I’vealways liked witches,” she tells him cheerfully.

“They seemrather fond of you. The Bennett girl was very reluctant to supply yourdirection despite the motivation I provided.”

Caroline’seyes narrow in warning. “That’ll be my first term. Bonnie, her cousin? They’remine. The Bennett’s always have been. You don’t use them or threaten them ifyou want anything from me.”

Klausinclines his head, “I can accommodate that demand.”

The easewith which he’d capitulated makes Caroline suspicious so she decides to keepsilent and see what his next move is. He seems to choose his words carefully, “Thespell is complicated. You’ll have to leave here for at least a month.”

Not a dealbreaker, “I like travelling.”

“There arethose who’ll try to stop me. Who’ll go to great lengths to prevent me frommaking more hybrids. You’ll be travelling with me to ensure your safety.”

That was abit concerning. Given how magnetic he was, how susceptible to him she wasturning out to be, spending prolonged periods of time with him could be adisaster.

“What wouldI be getting out of this deal?” Caroline asks. “You’re asking me to totallydisrupt my life here.”

“What doyou want? Money? Protection? Name it and it’s yours, sweetheart.”

Essentiallya blank check then. She was sure that there were plenty of people who wouldkill for one of those signed by Klaus Mikaelson. Caroline didn’t know if shewas one of them. “I’ve got money. I’ve done pretty well protecting myself. It’ssomething dragons have a knack for. I imagine I’m the best lead you have?”

His nod isgrudging, the barest incline of his head, confirming Caroline’s suspicions. Itcould take him years, decades even to track down another like her. She would have trouble doing it eventhough she had starting points and leads available. Dragon shifters weresecretive out of necessity. “And if I say no?”

His headtips to the side, lips curling slyly, “I suppose I’d have to develop anappreciation for your town. It’s a bit cold for my liking but I imagine I couldgrow to like it well enough while I attempt to convince you to help my cause.”

“Convincehow?” she presses.

Klaus wetshis lower lip and she detects a slight glow of gold around the blue of hisirises. “I’d be happy to try any number of methods.”

Her body reactsto the gravelly pitch he’d adopted, the muscles in her stomach twitching as afaint flush overtakes her cheeks.

If he couldcoax that kind of reaction with only a handful of words she was screwed if hereally tried to be persuasive.

Carolineclears her throat and reaches for her glass. She tosses back the rest of theliquor in one swallow, ignoring Klaus’ satisfied noise of amusement.

Of course he was amused. Caroline was the one thatwas thoroughly stuck with him no matter which option she chose.

It was aprobably a bad sign that she wasn’t that upset about it.

#klarolineauweek #klaroline #klaroline drabbles #goldcaught

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ecotone99 · 5 years

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[UR] ‘Vaguepost’

It was one of THOSE posts on social media. The ones where it’s obvious the person is upset but you have no idea why. The clues are scarce and the details are vague or nonexistent. Traditionally, the term ‘vaguepost’ has been applied. The poster wants to vent about something that has made them very sad but for whatever reason, they do not feel comfortable spelling out the circumstances. Maybe they are going through a breakup and are trying to be deliberately obtuse, to avoid outing the person who caused their pain. Either that, or revealing the facts would cause more issues.

Either way, the vast majority of the people reading those vague posts have no idea what’s the matter. In most cases, the posters do not even want advice or real solutions. They just want to vent and gain some general sympathy. I guess I was too clueless for that. It just seems like pointless drama for its own sake; most of the time. I assumed those who knew the vague-poster better than I, would also know the secret details. I usually let those go, or just offer a polite ‘thumbs up’ but this particular one seemed to have more to it than an appeal for pity. There really seemed to be legitimate pain in her words. It moved me.

Like many online ‘friends’, I didn’t know the woman who posted it very well. I had chatted with her years earlier in a discussion group and liked the substance of her thoughts. It was enough to reach out and send her a ‘friend request’ back then but honestly, I only knew the scant details she offered about herself in passing. I’m not even sure if I would recognize her if I passed her on the street and yet, I was moved by her short online statement.

I must have read and re-read the post a dozen times. Then I went to her page to read the preceding posts (to see if I could glean the meaning of the most recent one). Nothing. Honestly, I had no clue about why she was so sad. There were no obvious precursors to heartbreak or personal tragedy in the earlier messages. It was a mystery that I kept coming back to. I like to fix things. I enjoy finding solutions to problems. It gives me an ego boost to set things right again but in this case, I had no tools to work with.

I debated keeping my mouth shut. That would have been the prudent thing to do. Then I waited for others to make comments which might shed more light on the true source of her problems. There were only a handful of well meaning, general sympathy comments offered by her friends. They were just as clueless as I was. They were also fishing for details in order to offer up real help but none was forthcoming. It seems that my friend was going to be tight-lipped about the source of her deep woes.

At that point, I could have left well enough alone and waited for my friend to recover from her mystery source of depression. That’s what I had done a hundred other times when similar situations presented themselves. Instead I sent her an instant message. It wasn’t read. Probably others had also sent PM’s to no avail. Part of me wanted to cease contacting her with that. I’d made an effort to reach out to her. I didn’t even know her if the truth was told but I’d still made an effort to show that I cared. I started putting my efforts into other things.

I assumed her real life friends were taking care of things. They actually knew her. They were surely aware of any deep relationship problems or personal issues she had. I reassured myself that there were far better people in her life, to be there for her than me. Minutes passed. I’d almost forgotten about it. The rest of the world had already moved on but I couldn’t shake the nagging worry I had. It was something I didn’t even want to articulate. There was no specific reference to harming herself or anything like that in the message. It was just an underlying tone of true despair that gnawed at me. It was what was not said. My sense of unease intensified.

I checked my earlier IM where I’d reached out to her. It still hadn’t been read. I don’t mind telling you, it wasn’t easy for me to let it go AND it wasn’t easy to keep contacting her. I’ve always been about ‘minding my own business’. This was way outside of that. I went on her profile info and looked for a phone number. Most people leave that field blank. They don’t want it to fall into the hands of spammers or crooks. Amazingly, there was a number in the field. I jotted it down quickly but dialing it was a different story. I wrestled with the potential risks. I struggled especially with the awkwardness of speaking to anyone for the first time. I’d already made a couple sincere efforts to help. Most people would accept that as ‘enough’ and not cross any more social boundaries. I was one of those people too; until I pressed ‘call’.

It rang and rang, and rang. Nothing. I let it keep going. Voicemail never picked up. I was tempted to hang up but figured if she wasn’t there, then it wasn’t annoying anyone. I switched over to the IM app. My message had finally been seen. I assumed the call had drawn her attention to it. It was still ringing. I typed ‘That’s me calling you.’ Finally she answered. Her voice was distant and hazy.

“Hellllloooo?” Although I had never heard her voice, I could tell she was very drowsy, or deeply disoriented. She sounded drunk or drugged.

“Hey Emily. It’s umm Jake. I just wanted to check on you. Are you alright?”

“Uhhh hi ‘Jake’. Jaaake whoooo?”

She was obviously confused by my unceremonious introduction. I explained that we were ‘friends’ from an old, defunct discussion group. From her responses, I could tell she was really out of it and incapable of rationalizing anything. There were huge pauses and gaps in her responses. I asked her what was wrong and she began to cry and sob. From what I could gather, it was relationship problems. ‘Marco’ has cheated on her with someone and then left her when she called him out on it. At least that’s what I gathered from her slurred speech and incoherent narrative. I asked if she had been drinking but I already knew the answer to that. What I really wanted to know was if she had taken anything else besides that. I was worried she had taken some sleeping pills or painkillers. Eventually she explained that she had downed a whole bottle of pills. I couldn’t make out what she said they were, but with alcohol, it was probably a deadly cocktail.

She kept saying she just wanted to ‘go back to sleep and sunbathe in the beautiful light.’ Unfortunately I knew what that meant but I did my best to keep her engaged with me and talking. Then she would get quiet and nod off again. I would have to yell or make odd noises to get her attention back. This went on for several minutes while I tried to figure out what to do. I had to keep her talking while I tried to find the 911 call center for her town. I’m not much of a multitasker but I managed to explain what was going on in an email to them. I listed her full name and phone number. Only time would tell if they would get my message in time and take it seriously.

I figured if she threw up, it might minimize the effect of the pills dissolving into her system. I started describing anything I could to gross her out and make her stomach feel queasy. If I went for too disgusting though, she’d just hang up. I had to find the right balance. I guess she was already nauseous. My little ‘pep talk’ did the trick. I heard her vomit and then there was a knock at her door. My hastily typed email had been received by the emergency medical center in her hometown.

They immediately went to action and started performing life-saving measures on her, right there in her bedroom. One of the EMT’s picked up her phone and asked if I was the one who’d reported it. I explained that I was alarmed by the tone of her social media post and decided she needed some help.

“She definitely did.”; He agreed. “There’s an empty bottle of sleeping pills in the bathroom but we have her now. It could have easily killed her with all the alcohol she also consumed. You’re a good friend, Jake. We’ll get her to the hospital and stabilize her. Bye.”

I didn’t hear anything for a couple days. I admit that I did an internet search in her hometown to see if there were any updates. In the end I decided ‘no news was good news’. I kept reminding myself that she and I were not really close; and despite my sincere effort to help in her time of need, I might never hear from her again. A good deed was its own reward. On the third day, I received a call from a number I didn’t immediately recognize. I just assumed it was a sales call but I answered anyway. Turns out, it was Emily.

“Hello Jake. It’s... Emily Brown. This is so embarrassing. I want to thank you for calling and checking on me Tuesday. Words can’t describe how much I appreciate what you did. I don’t remember much of what we talked about but if you hadn’t stepped forward and made that extraordinary effort, I wouldn’t be here now. I was deeply depressed. My boyfriend had dumped me after cheating with another woman and I couldn’t ‘see any light at the end of the tunnel’. While my own friends.., you know what I mean... while ‘they’ either rolled their eyes at my post or just offered some empty sympathy, you actually found my number and called me. I’m deeply touched. You even emailed paramedics while we talked! I don’t know how you did that but I’m eternally grateful. My doctor has me on medicine and it’s already helping me feel better. Thank you so much for reaching out and keeping me talking until they arrived. You literally saved my life.”

I attempted to downplay my role in her dramatic recovery but it did feel good inside to know my emotional instincts had been correct. She really needed a friend and I had been there for her. The ‘vague-post’ was a passive cry for help that too many others dismissed as exaggerated or insincere. I guess I’ll always examine the meaning behind the words, as well as their unspoken implications. Sometimes it’s not what is said, but what isn’t spoken that is most important.

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josetteschott7-blog · 7 years

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