#i can actually look at myself in the mirror and not hardcore cringe or get upset

[artisanalpeanutbutter]

Important update:

I have become the douchebag who drinks protein shakes

[elopez7228]

Scenic Route 6/47

Read on AO3 : https://archiveofourown.org/works/18268208/chapters/43229774 

Start over : https://elopez7228.tumblr.com/post/620919089893933056/scenic-route-0147

“Why name her BB8?”

“She was the eighth of a litter—we tried to call her anything else but that’s all she would respond to, so BB8 stuck,”

Rey was happy to give the dog a few scratches. The big ball of affection didn’t hesitate to throw an old tennis ball at her feet, along with a sock, a rubber duck, and even a fork she had pilfered from the kitchen in place of a stick.

The duck squeaked as she grabbed it, and Rey burst into a laugh of pure joy. How could she have been so mistrustful of an old woman who owned such an adorable dog?

“Why did your brother leave you his dog?”

“She was injured by a hit-and-run and I rushed her to the vet, but he eventually had to leave her to get back to his professional obligations at the time. It hurt him to leave her behind but we both knew she was in good hands. Since then I’ve been looking for an opportunity to take her back, but I’m in no shape to make the journey myself anymore.”

Rey said nothing as she watched the charming dog go round and round on the carpet as she waited for Rey to play with her some more. Leia put down her steaming teacup.

“So, Rose sent you, right? Are you close friends?”

“Not at all, actually. I just happened to be at her café at the right time. We talked a bit, I mentioned my travels and my personal life, and she said you have a job to give me,” Rey chuckled, going a little red.

“I was worried it was a con—drugs, guns, something illegal. But everything’s alright, I love BB8. I’d love to take her on the route with me, she’ll be good company. Always a good idea to have a dog when travelling solo. “

“Well, I’m not sure she’ll be an effective guard dog, you know,” Leia smiled.

“Oh, no worries, her presence is enough, at worst she’ll be more bark than bite! How urgently would I have to take her to San Francisco?”

“She’s already six months late, a few more weeks wouldn’t matter…are you comfortable with the detour?”

Rey tucked a lock of hair behind her ear as she adjusted her topknot, ruminating on her response.

“I wanted to go up to Yellowstone National Park, and then Montana. Take a trek, do some rafting or some horse riding, something like that. I also wanted to check out some ghost towns, see a rodeo, maybe a powwow? Then make my way down to Idaho and Nevada. Take my time, you know. Would that be a problem for BB8?”

“Not as long as she makes it back to Luke—my brother—in one piece,” Leia waved a hand dismissively, “I’m sure it’s going to be a lovely trip. I wish I was your age so I could go globetrotting too,”

Rey laughed, glancing from one photo to another. “Weren’t you in the army? I’m sure you traveled a lot…on that note, Rose mentioned a car?”

Leia got up and motioned for Rey to follow her. “Yes, it too belonged to my brother. You’ll need to take it to California too, and it’s not doing quite as well as our friend BB8. I’m afraid it’s not exactly the most recent make and model,”

Rey followed Leia outside the house. They were taking a walk, it seemed. BB8 trotted along happily, occasionally snapping at the insects circling in the plants. It sat in a five by five plot of land in the middle of the garden on the other side of the house. Rey had mistaken it for a supplementary garbage disposal unit. An oldsmobile cruiser—exactly like the ones that at one point had been the very height of the 70s. It screamed vintage, from the boxy silhouette to the oversized bonnet which was as long as the boot itself.  The car had been white at some point, though the paint had certainly faded. It was complete with brown accents and a classic wood motif on the side, which made Rey cringe. She turned to Leia with a disapproving look.

“You have got to be joking here.  I thought your brother left you this hunk of junk to dispose of at some junkyard, not to give right back to him,”

“Well then,” Leia huffed, “all the more reason to do it, right? You know me, if he wanted to make a trash compactor out of me I really want to see his face when this baby shows up in his driveway again.”

Rey wasn’t sure if Leia was about to make a huge mistake. “This thing surely isn’t functioning anymore, is it? You’d make more money selling it to a junkyard than letting it collect dust in your garden.” Rey looked around again, “You could plant a lovely vegetable garden or whatnot instead, I’m sure you have a green thumb,”

“It was my husband’s,” Leia said wistfully, and Rey realized that she wasn’t kidding. “It was his pride and joy, he would fix it up himself back in the day. He loved that thing so much. And the life we had, all the crazy things we would do in that car…I didn’t have the heart to scrap it, it would be like killing him all over again.”

“He died? I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to offend you—“

“It’s fine,” Leia said, running her hand across the side panel in a gentle caress. “You had no way of knowing. He and my brother went the whole nine yards in this thing. It’ll get back to him somehow,”

“Alright, fine,” Rey conceded, “I understand, I’ll take the hunk of junk and the dog to San Francisco, no worries.  Do you have the papers as well?”

“Yes, they’re inside, let’s head back,”

After reviewing the vehicle registration and the owner’s manual (all of which were still up to date, not that she would have bet so) and following multiple assurances and other formalities, Rey found herself feeling something new inside. This would give her the solo road trip she always wanted, and an adorable dog to keep her company, in literally the most vintage American car she could have ever imagined.  She had always been a good driver and a car person, so she looked forward to driving a proper stick shift. It had been a good while since she last drove one and it only added to the excitement of the trip. Against all odds and expectations, Rey was actually quite a clever and resourceful  mechanic, thank you very much. She knew how to change the tires and the oil, and how to identify the source of most engine trouble. Simple things, really, but things that she would almost certainly have to do with this car. As for the rest of it, she would definitely have to invest in a good pair of sunglasses and a very wide-brimmed hat because the interior wasn’t air-conditioned at all. And water. Lots and lots of water. Maybe even a jerry or two of motor oil and petrol. And an emergency kit in case she really did get a flat tire. She was finally beginning to get goosebumps about this. Nevertheless, one detail remained to be settled.

“Pardon me if I’m being too frank Leia, but Rose mentioned some compensation, is that right?”

Leia was currently reassembling a dossier full of documents that Rey had decided not to take. She put it down gently. “Yes, I’ll be providing you with 500 dollars up front for your services. That should also cover the gaz change. Luke will give you the rest once he’s sure that BB8 is safe and sound.”

One thousand dollars wouldn’t cover all Rey’s costs, what with meals and motels and extra gaz. But she could make do, considering that a few days ago she was looking at spending twice as much just to loan a car. It would work out. It didn’t have to be a job per se, it could be…community service, absolutely.

Rey nodded, and Leia closed the dossier with a soft click.

“I’ll leave tomorrow then,” Rey said, deep in thought, “It’ll give me a whole day to make some purchases for the rest of the trip. Would you mind if I took the car? It could be a test drive as well…”

The afternoon was filled with what could only be called intense shopping. Her list consisted of mechanic’s tools, camping gear, sunblock, ration packs, a first-aid kit, dog biscuits, and even a cheap mountable stereo. She then purchased several CDs for the long road ahead, including a three disc deluxe album of the one and only KYLO & THE KNIGHTS OF REN, which she would no doubt regret impulse-buying later.

The car was at best dusty and stale, despite the little tree-shaped air freshener hanging from the front mirror. Too little too late to undo a decade’s worth of rotting in Leia Skywalker’s garden.  Rey took it upon herself to take it to a carwash and have it cleaned from the inside out. There was no telling what they would find. Earlier she had found a toy in between the back seats—a shiny red racecar that she’d shoved into the GB.

Getting ready took up most of her afternoon. She packed the car up with all her supplies and even made a little “doggie corner” for BB8 in the back seat. It was complete with a crochet blanket in case she got cold, a food bowl, her squeaky rubber duck, a tennis ball, and a single shoe. Everything was ready by the time that Leia called them back inside for dinner.

It was as though Rey was at her own grandmother’s house, despite the fact that she had only really known the woman for a couple of hours. She came back into the cottage to find a steaming bowl of spaghetti waiting for her. After a long day’s work, it was truly heaven.

“So, do you know Rose well, then?” Rey managed to ask after she had finished stuffing her face and regaining her strength.

Leia took a while to respond, prompting Rey to wonder what was so hard about the question. Finally, Leia raised her eyes after a long moment of reflection. “She and I both operate in a charity organization based out of Denver. That’s how I know her.”

“Oh! What kind of charity? meals for the poor or something?”

“Not exactly…”

Rey waited politely for an explanation but Leia seemed reluctant to answer. She pressed on, “Well? Come on now, surely you could elaborate a little?”

“It’s called Earth Soldiers,” Leia responded suddenly. She wasn’t smiling anymore, much to Rey’s surprise. “You could call us a group of…hardcore environmental rights activists.”

“So like GreenPeace? Protesting power plants-and chaining  yourself to property sort of activists?”

“Sure, you can think of it like that if you want,”

Rey was all full belly and drooping eyelids by then; she failed to notice the tension building in the room.

“But isn’t that dangerous at your age? Can you still attend the happenings or whatever they are?” Rey continued.

Leia’s gaze hardened imperceptibly. “I’ve spent my whole life fighting and I want to go down swinging,” she replied.

“Ah, I see. I imagined that after a life as full as yours you would have liked to take a break, but everyone is different, I guess,”

In response Leia simply began picking up her own empty plate so that she could start attending to the dishes. Rey tried her best to help by drying the dishes afterward and putting them away. Later, after spending a few minutes on her phone, Rey yawned loudly and excused herself for the night.

“Sorry, I should probably get to bed. May I set up the camping tent in the garden?”

“Just set up in the living room, that way you won’t get cold or have to take down a tent tomorrow. And you won’t have to hear the drunk ravings of the neighbors next door,”

“Alright, BB8 and I will leave after breakfast in the morning, goodnight Leia,”

“Good night, young lady.”

Rey rested her head on her new inflatable camping pillow, curled up snugly in her brand new sleeping bag. The carpeted floor would do for now. She was going to have to get used to sleeping on the floor soon. BB8 curled up into a ball too, sleeping on the couch after realizing that her dinner bowl was nowhere to be found (it was still in the car). Rey fell into a deep sleep. This was the first night she had not been anxious about the future, barring of course the night she was too drunk to remember—that didn’t count.

Late into the night, a coyote wandered the sleeping trailer park, an unfortunate shrew in its jaws.

Much further away, in the heart of Denver, Ben Solo performed another concert at Howl at the Moon, and Rose left the night shift at the Night Owl Café to her sister, Paige.

Their next door neighbor George Watto had started his nightly ramblings no later than three in the morning, eventually falling asleep at his own front door, fully dressed and armed with a beer bottle like a true American hero. In the quiet little cottage next door, Rey slept soundly in the living room while Leia found no sleep in the bedroom next to it.

Tomorrow, she would send that girl off to Luke in San Francisco. It was too late to go back. After years of careful political maneuvering, her entire life’s work hinged on the whims of a random British tourist who decided to vacation here of all places. What if they discovered her little honey pot scheme? What if they laid a hand on…

It was somewhere in the middle of this tiring web of entirely disquieting thoughts that Leia Skywalker fell into a short and fitful slumber.

[infinitywarxyou]

Because of you - Bucky Barnes x Reader

Part 1

Words: 3663

Summary: Bucky and Y/N have hated each other since the day Y/N stepped her foot into the Avengers. On an upcoming mission including Hydra, both Y/N and Bucky are forced to stay in the mansion for different reasons. Or maybe their reasons have more in common than they once thought...

Masterlist

“No. No. No you can’t leave me with him!” “It’s only one mission, Y/N.” “That’s what I’m saying! A COMPLETE mission! Who knows how long you’ll be gone for!” ”You’re acting like an idiot. Calm your tits, it’s not like you’re forced to be in his presence.” I closed my mouth and rolled my eyes as far as I possibly could. How was I supposed to spend hours alone with James Barnes? How was ANYONE able to live with his attitude and ego? “Look, we’ll be back before you know it. Just... don’t kill each other.” I scoffed and crossed my arms over my chest. “We’ll see about that.” Natasha narrowed her eyes into me and shook her head in an inappropriate way and exited the room, leaving me alone with my thoughts. I clenched my fists and immediately threw a punch into nearest furniture with a loud scream. The glass vase collided with the floor and shattered all over the floor with a loud crash. Although, I didn’t care. Nothing could explain my rage towards the incident that was about to happen. Me and James, alone. Me and Satan, alone. I let out a frustrated groan and gave my couch a good kick before I was interrupted by a presence. “Wow, wow, wow fire pants! What’s going on? You’re going to tear the house apart.” With gritted teeth, I turned my head towards the front door to my apartment. In the doorframe stood none other than captain America himself. His upper body was leaning against the wall as his puppy eyes scanned my every move. “Nothing. Don’t worry about it, Steve.” I hissed and gently caressed my fist that was throbbing from the impact with the broken vase that was shattered in the floor. He sighed and stepped into the apartment. “It doesn’t seem like nothing to me.” Steve muttered and sat down on the couch, enough distance to comfort you in any way needed, but far enough not to be hit. “Well it is nothing! It’s nothing that go on a mission without me, which is the third time in a row by the way, it’s nothing that you are the one behind it all and it’s DEFINITELY nothing that I’m stuck here alone with HIM!” Steve sat completely still. He didn’t dare to move a muscle just in case I would go into instant kill mode, which usually happened rarely, but lately appeared on a daily basis. Carefully, he leaned forward and rested his elbows on his knees. “There is a reason to why you and Bucky are left behind. Fury suspects Hydra to be behind the case. I know it’s just a minor quest, but you know that you and Buck are the most vulnerable. There is no denial; you are strong, but not strong enough to go up against Hydra. And you are aware to why we can’t send him.” Steve said and gave me the well known daddy voice- If he gave you the speech, you were in trouble or just very depressed. “I know why you won’t send him, but why me? I am strong enough, Steve. I can handle myself. I know I’m young, but that doesn’t mean I’m weaker than anyone else on the team.” I defended and sat down on the couch with a thud. “You’re not capable of enough and you aren’t experienced. Please let this one go. We will be back before you know it. I promise  you’ll comply the next one.” And with that Steve stood up and exited the room, leaving you all alone once again. “Fucking shit...”

”Alright! No fighting while we’re gone, got it?” Steve said and crossed his arms over his chest as he looked at me and James. The two of us stood at least 3 meters apart, both mirroring the same frown of annoyance. “Can’t promise anything, Rogers.” I muttered under my breath and shot Bucky a disgusted expression. He rolled his eyes and let his arms rest on his hips. “Y/L/N, I’m warning you. Screw this up, and I’ll ban you from the next 50 missions.” Bucky let out a loud laugh and tilted his head back in joy. “That goes for you too, Buck.” Steve said and pointed an index finger at his childhood friend. As if on cue Bucky stopped and glared at Steve with an irritated expression. “But Steve—“ “I don’t wanna hear it! Get along and everyone will be satisfied, me more than anyone!” And with that Steve turned around and left the building together with everyone, except me and Bucky. An awkward silence filled the room as the two of us stared at the door. The loud bang from it shutting created a beeping sound in my ears. Within a few seconds the feeling of home was replaced by a feeling of envy and disgust. I rolled my eyes and turned my heel, looking at Bucky who was already gazing me. “What?” I asked with an attitude and began walking away towards my room on the second floor. Bucky didn’t answer, but shrugged his shoulders and turned around to get to his room.

The loud banging noise of bass and heavy guitars filled the house and made the walls vibrate. The frames around my room kept on jumping back and forth and threatened to fall at any second. I put down the pen in my hand and closed my eyes harshly. The group had been away for 2 hours and I was already tired of Bucky. The second we had parted he had gone into his room, which is right beneath mine, and plugged in his phone to his ginormous speakers. I was trying to write my daily rapport, but there was no way I was able to get it done if Bucky kept blaring his stupid music. “That’s it.” I pushed the chair back and made my way out of the apartment and down the stairs. The closer I got to his room, the louder the music got and it made my heart flicker inside my chest. *Bang, bang, bang* “Bucky!” I yelled as I banged my small fists against the door of his apartment. A few seconds went by, but the music was still blasting the speakers. I growled to myself and fisted my hands once again. *BANG, BANG, BANG* “JAMES BARNES!” Still nothing. “Fuck this.” I grabbed the door knob forcefully and pushed the door open. There, in the corner, was Bucky at a desk, his back facing me as he was looking down on his computer. My hands immediately covered my ears as the music was even louder in here. The tune of “through the fire and flames” hit like thunder against my eardrums and I cringed hard. Bucky didn’t seem to care though. His head gently bumping to the beat of the music as he tapped away on the computer. Normally I would sneak up and ask whoever was annoying me to turn the music down, but since it was Bucky I couldn’t care less. I walked over to him with forceful steps and placed a harsh hand on his shoulder. What happened next was unexpected. Without even turning around, he grabbed me by the wrist and flipped me over. With a loud thud I landed on the ground with a heavy weight on top of me and a sharp blade to my stomach. “BUCKY!” “Y/N?” Bucky immediately pulled away from my body, dropped the knife and paused the music. I used my palms to push myself up on my feet again. “WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING?! I COULD’VE KILLED YA!” Bucky yelled and waved his arms all over the place as his veins started to pop out. “Would you calm your fucking tits?” “No! Y/N, I was about to fucking stab you! Don’t ever sneak up on me like that!” “Okay, to my offence; I DID NOT SNEAK! Actually, I did the opposite, but since you were blaring your stupid hardcore rock music you didn’t hear, you stupid ass!” Bucky glared at me with a horrific expression. His eyes were piercing through mine and his jaw kept on clenching and unclenching. There was something about this side of Bucky that was new to you. “Get the fuck out before I stab you on purpose.” And with that he picked up the knife, put it in his belt again and turned around to continue his research on the computer. Over his shoulder you saw the words ”Hydra” before he shut down the site, turning the screen black. It was my que to get out of the room with my mouth in a thin, thin line. What was he investigating? The mission? Hydra over all? I didn’t know, but I wanted to. It was clear that Bucky wanted to get involved since no one wanted revenge on Hydra as much as Bucky Barnes. Although, I felt like it was none of my business. Every singel fucker on this planet knew about Bucky’s history with Hydra, so it would be unwise to interrupt his horrifically glorious  throwback...

With a heavy sigh I put the last plate on it’s shelf and closed the cabinet. I hadn’t seen Bucky since our small encounter and honestly it was the best 3 hours of my life. Obviously he was mad and that made me mad, so it was for the best. I put my hands down the sink and pulled out the drain to get rid of the dirty water from doing dishes. Everything in the kitchen was clean at the moment. It wasn’t like I had OCD or anything, but it felt nice to get my mind off of things by doing dirty work. I was just about to turn around to go to my room when a tall frame walked up beside me. Bucky’s hair was wet and the water was slowly dripping down his back, leaving stains on his blue t-shirt. A light sound of guitars were heard from his earphones that was distancing him from me. There was no use to speak to him at the moment. Not only because he wouldn’t be hearing a thing, but his stupid anger issues and temper were an accurate problem. I simply rolled my eyes and leaned my back against the counter behind me. “Move.” Bucky mumbled very quietly and grabbed one of the frying pans I had just cleaned. Thinking he was singing along to whatever he was listening to, I didn’t move, but pulled out the phone from my jeans pocket. “Are you deaf? I said move!” Bucky suddenly burst out making me stare at him, surprised. He reached up and removed the earphones from his ears and glared at me with a stern look. “What’s your problem, dude?” I responded and crossed my arms over my chest. Bucky’s eyes had went from blue to black in a split second. “MY problem? What’s YOUR problem? You’ve been up my ass since the troop left!” He screamed and turned his body towards me and stepped closer. “You have such anger issues, dude.” I mumbled and rolled my eyes, just about to take a step forward when his body blocked me. “If you know I have troubles controlling my anger, why do you keep trigger me?” “I’m not triggering you!” “You’re doing it right now!” Bucky’s veins started to pop out on his neck and on his forehead. I had never seen Bucky during his winter-soldier days, but I bet he acted somewhat like this during the time. It was actually intimidating. “I was literally not doing anything.” “You’re talking back to me. Every fucking day you comment on everything around you, mostly me, and it fucking bugs the hell out of me.” Bucky raised his voice and put his hands on either side of me as he leaned forward to prove a point. “Oh please! I do it to everyone! It’s not my fault you’re a sensitive crybaby. And by the way, it’s who I am and I can’t change it just because you’re not pleased. Suck it up dude.” I said and rolled my eyes which made him grip the edge of the counter harshly. A faint sound of wood breaking widened my eyes as I looked to my right to see his metal fingers dig into the counter, leaving marks. “You have no idea what kind of effect you have on me.” His fingers let go of the counter with a metallic sound that echoed through the kitchen. With forceful steps he marched away from me and left me alone in the kitchen, stunned and angry. “Rogers, you owe me. Big time.” I mumbled to myself and ran my fingers through my deep brown hair with a sigh.

“Nat, you don’t understand! You have to come home right now!” “We weren’t able to download all trackers and files today. We’re forced to spend a nights or two to make sure the job is done. You’ll manage a day or two, won’t you?” “NO! Nat, you’ve been gone for 12 hours and we have already tried to kill each other at least 40 times! Fuck, he held a knife to my stomach and made imprints on the counters in the kitchen!” I yelled into the phone and grabbed the roots of my hair forcefully as I threw myself on the bed. “A knife? You two are acting so fucking stupid! You can’t let him— Hang on... Steve is giving me this weird ass stare... I’m assuming he wants to- STEVE give it ba—“ “Y/N? What’s going on?” The deep husky voice of Captain Rogers filled my ears and I closed my eyes as a thousand curse words rambled through my head. “Hi Steve, how’s the mission I wasn’t assembled to comply?” A heavy sigh was heard on the other side of the line followed by a quiet groan. “Seriously, what are you and Buck up to? Natasha mentioned a knife. I’m worried. Bucky is still easily affected by Hydra.” “He’s a little sensitive bitch—“ “He’s got the winter soldier’s blood in his veins, Y/N. Please, don’t trigger him to unleash anything on you.” I rolled my eyes and sat up in bed . “If he’s bitching towards me, you’d be god damn right to think I’ll bitch back, Steve. Winter soldier or not, I don’t care! I’m not afraid of him!” “We’ll be back in a few days. If I find out that you did ANYTHING to mess this up, you might be banned from the team for good.” “Wha— STEVE!” “Goodbye Y/N.” *Beeeeeep* Without procrastinating what had just happened, I threw the phone across the room and out the door to my bedroom. With a loud crash the phone collided with the wall, probably breaking terribly. Although, I didn’t care. Instead, I groaned loudly and closed my eyes shut in frustration. “What the fuck are you doing?” My head shot towards the door my phone had flown through. Bucky stood leaning against the doorframe, just like Steve used to do, with his arms crossed over his chest. His hair was by now dry and was wrapped inside a man bun, that didn’t look to shabby. “What do you want?” I mumbled, not having the energy to argue with him for the third time today. “We’ll, I kinda heard you scream and I thought— I just thought I’d see what was up.” Bucky’s face was relaxed with a hint of confusion or worry. “Ehm... It’s none of your concern.” I simply answered and pulled my knees towards my chest and hugged them lightly. He squinted a bit and tilted his head. “Not buying it, but whatever. At least I tried not being an asshole.” He turned around and began walking out of my apartment when something strange and unexpected happened. “Wait!” I expressed and swung my legs over the edge of my bed and began walking towards the door. Right when I was about to corner it, Bucky’s surprised head appeared behind the frame. “S-sorry.” I mumbled and frowned, not quiet knowing what to say. What do you say to a person whose guts you’ve hated for as long as you can remember? “T-thank you for checking up on me, but I’m fine.” “Didn’t sound like you were fine. I mean, you were yelling on the nicest guy in the mansion.” Bucky simply answered and ran his palm over his neck. I low key rolled my eyes and turned around towards my bed. The cool air made the hair on my legs stand up as I was only wearing pyjamas shorts. I pulled the covers off of the bed and sat down on the bed. “Just— If you need anything, I’m alwa—“ “Bucky what are you doing?” Suddenly he shut his mouth and looked at me with a questioning expression. “What do you mean?” “I mean, what the fuck are you talking about? You’re not a nice guy, so why do you suddenly act like you care?” Bucky presses his lips together, creating a thin line as he frowned at me, either in confusion or anger; I wasn’t sure what. I braided my arms over my chest and held my chin high. “This just fucking shows that you don’t know me at all.” “Maybe I don’t want to.” “Maybe I don’t want you to.” “Well, obviously you do, since you brought it up.” Bucky clenched his jaw in anger as the veins low key started to appear on his neck and arm once again, which was kinda hot, not gonna lie. His nostrils kept on widening and relaxing faster and faster, showing that his pulse was getting higher. Did I hit a soft spot? “I couldn’t care less about you or your opinions. At least I can tell Steve that I actually tried, apart from someone.” “Yo, listen here—“ “I’m going to join the assemble tomorrow. I’m leaving at dawn. I just wanted you to know. Within a second Bucky had left the room and was by now heading towards my front door. What? He was asked to join the quest against HYDRA?! Aw hell nah. I sprinted off the bed and out the room as if I was on fire. My feet almost slipped in the floor as I turned around the corner to catch up with the super soldier. Once I saw his back walking down the hallway I yelled after him. “Bucky! Stop!” He turned around without making an expression and simply just stared me down. His tall frame was still trying to recover from the stressful impact earlier. “Why are you joining them? Who—who called you? Did Steve—“ “No one called me, Y/N.” Bucky interrupted me and my mouth was currently forming the letter O in surprise. “Oh...” “No one understands that Hydra is my area and that I am connected to them. I have to be there. I have to revenge what they did to me by being apart of their ultimate fall, once and for all. I will never be satisfied if I’m not apart of that.” He said and basically exposed himself to me, the girl he’s hated for so long. “But no one understands. No one understands how much every mission that includes Hydra means to me. Not even Steve who was there when—“ “I understand, Bucky.” He stopped talking and looked at me with a confused expression. His eyebrows were frowned as he waited for an explanation. “I-I understand. I me-mean... I understand what it’s like to be held back from doing what you want. What you have to do. What you’re designated to do.” “Which is?” “Taking down Hydra for good? Isn’t it?” Bucky rolled his eyes and looked at me with a tired expression. He sighed deeply and crossed his arms over his chest. “For once, I’m not talking about me.” He mumbled and relaxed his face. I raised an eyebrow and looked at him confused. “Not about you?” “I thought it was obvious... I’m talking about you, asshole.” “Me?” “You.�� I took a deep breath and looked down on my feet. Honestly, it was quite an embarrassment that Steve hardly ever let me  join the assemble. He thought I was weak and vulnerable. This had been going on for months and no matter how hard I trained, I was never good enough for anything, according to him. Of course it was never Steve’s intention to make me feel insecure, but that was how you constantly felt. “It’s stupid.” I mumbled and turned around to get to my room once again. Bucky placed his hand on my shoulder and forced me to turn back and face him again. “It’s not. Tell me.” I sighed and bit my lower lip. His eyes scanned my every feature and nodded his head, encouraging me to speak up. “I... I feel like I’m not good enough to be an avenger. And the worst part is that it’s not just a feeling, but a statement. Ever wondered why I’m always in the mansion? Yeah, Steve doesn’t let me get out.” “Why?” “He says I’m not ready and that I’m not experienced enough. I don’t have the physical strength like you do and I’m the weak link.” Bucky stayed silenced and let me talk until I had nothing more to say. His expression turned more and more genuine each second. He was listening closely and carefully. Which was odd. “Bucky, what am I even doing here?” I finished and exhaled deeply with a shaky voice. Bucky licked his button lip and sighed. “You’re not supposed to be here.” “Alright, you don’t have to be so harsh-“ “I’m not supposed to be here either. We are supposed to be with the team, bring down Hydra. That way, we both get what we are designated for.” Bucky said and smirked at me. “Pack your bags. We leave in 15 minutes.”

[oneofthosecrazycatladies]

Arrowverse Re-Watch: Arrow season 1, episode 1 “Pilot”

***Disclaimer: I recommend you read the tags before digging in to this review.

So I’m doing my annual Arrowverse re-watch (where I go back and watch all the Arrowverse shows in chronological order) and this year, I decided I would make these reviews/commentaries about each episode as I re-watch them.

So here goes... WARNING: SPOILERS AHEAD

Oliver: The name of the island they found me on is Lian Yu. It’s Mandarin for Purgatory. I’ve been stranded here for 5 years.

Okay, don’t get me wrong, the main reason I love Arrow is because the characters are great and real and the stories are so interesting. And Stephen Amell is a fantastic actor, definitely one of the best in the Arrowverse...but hot damn just look at that body

I really don’t like objectifying anyone (of any gender), but art deserves to be appreciated and this body right here is art.

Okay I literally couldn’t find a gif of it anywhere, but that shot of Oliver looking into the mirror and the lightning flashes and you see him in the hood for like a split second...that shot...yeah I love that shot. Ugh it’s so amazing and just chilling.

Okay so apparently a lot of people hated the flashbacks...which I don’t understand??? But I loved the flashbacks. Mostly because I just love flashbacks in general. I mean, they weren’t always super interesting and a lot of the time the flashback storyline wasn’t really as interesting as the main storyline, but I still really liked the flashbacks. I actually kinda miss them sometimes.

TOMMY!

Like basically everyone else in the Arrow fandom, I miss Tommy sooo much. And I know, I know Colin has Chicago Med now, but I gotta be honest...I still haven’t quite gotten over that Tommy (any Earth version) wasn’t Vigilante. Like honestly, what was even the point of making him Vince (or Vinny they literally changed his nickname). God season 6 was such a fucking mess...but more of that later.

Okay so I have a bone to pick with this little moment where Oliver speaks Russian to Raisa. So like I guess it was supposed to demonstrate how Oliver has changed and all that...but like, Oliver’s not stupid. He wouldn’t be so careless as to speak Russian in front of his family and friends when he knows that they know he didn’t speak Russian before the island (thus revealing something about his time away when he’s usually so careful not to let things about that time slip).

I just don’t really like that moment because it seems a bit out of character for him.

Oliver: I didn’t realize you wanted to sleep with my mother, Walter.

Tommy: Have you noticed how hot your sister’s gotten?

It does kinda make me cringe a little though tbh. Although, full disclosure, the first time I ever watched this show, I did kinda ship them. I thought they had great chemistry. Better chemistry than Tommy and L*urel (but we’ll get to that later).

Tommy: So what’d you miss the most; steaks at the Palm, drinks at the station, meaningless sex?

Oliver: L*urel

Oh god here we go with this bullshit...can we just skip to the part where the writers realized that L*uriver was awful and they all jumped on the Olicity train?

Oh look it’s L*urel L*nce, the Queen Bitch of Starling City.

Okay that was an exaggeration...and I don’t actually hate LL, well at least, I don’t hate the idea of her. (Alright, strap yourselves in.)

I feel like LL was only the “real” LL in the first like 3 episodes of season 1 and then like the last 2 episodes before she dies. Every episode in between those she was like the off-brand version of LL. In the first couple episodes, she’s a pretty great character. She genuinely wants to help innocent people, she’s independent, she fights for what she believes in. Other than her being a totally soulless, cold-hearted bitch to Oliver, I actually liked her. But the whole Oliver drama really ruined her. And I blame the writers for that (namely the notorious misogynists Kreisberg and Guggenheim).

So first, they thought that “you cheated on me with my sister” was a great beginning to an epic love story. And then they made her totally cold to Oliver. Like look, as much as I dislike LL, I will always take her side on this issue. Playboy Ollie was a grade A fuckboy jackass and LL has every right to be pissed at him. But...then he spent five years in literal hell. Whatever mistakes he made before the island, he paid for them and then some. Now I know LL doesn’t know all the particulars of what went on in those 5 years, but she must’ve at least seen the movie Cast Away, right? I mean, from her perspective, Oliver spent 5 years completely alone on a deserted island. In that situation he would’ve had to teach himself to hunt and kill animals for food, he would’ve had to learn how to build shelters, he would’ve had literally no one to talk to or interact with for five years. She would’ve had to know that he probably has PTSD...and he comes back and she says “I’d hoped you’d rot in hell a whole lot longer than five years.” Like, are you fucking kidding me?! Why in the fuck would the writers think anyone would ship them with this kind of beginning? How are we supposed to have any sympathy for LL when she won’t even let Oliver try to apologize? And saying that he deserved what happened to him on the island? Jesus fucking Christ. God I couldn’t be more anti-L*uriver if I tried.

I get what (I think) they were trying to go for with LL, but they completely fucked up the execution.

LL: ‘Cause her body was at the bottom of the ocean where you left her. It should’ve been you.

“It should’ve been you.”

Okay bitch let’s go. No one talks to post-island Oliver that way. Ever. Oliver Jonas Queen is a gift to the world and I don’t care what dumbass Ollie Queen did you do not get to say that to Oliver. He has lost and suffered so much, too much. JFC where the fuck is Oliver’s unconditionally loving and supportive wifey when he needs her? Don’t worry bb, only two more episodes and you’re home free.

Mercenary Dude: What did he tell you, Mr. Queen?

Oliver: He told me I’m gonna kill you.

God yes where has this Oliver been the past couple years? Not the kill-happy Oliver, just the intimidating hardcore Oliver that can take down half a dozen guys single-handedly. That’s one of the things I hated about season 6 was how they wrote him so out of character just for plot. Ever since they introduced the newbies in season 5 they’ve written Oliver like he literally can’t even function without having like 5 other people out in the field with him. I don’t mind having a team (I love Roy and Dinah for example) but the team is just too big. (I’ll talk about that in much more detail when we get to seasons 5 and 6 [and that bullshit “civil war”])

Mercenary Dude: You’re delusional. You’re zip-cuffed to that chair.

Oliver: Not anymore.

*shivers*

God the MUSIC! Ugh I love the music in this scene when he’s taking down the kidnappers.

Oh yeah...and this incredible stunt...

And I love that you can tell that Stephen did all these stunts himself. But I especially love the above stunt because it’s so incredible, but like he just does it and it’s as if it’s no big deal because he’s just that physically fit.

QUENTIN!!!

With hair!!!

Oh Quentin deserved so much better than all that nonsense the writers put him through in season 6. But I’m getting ahead of myself here.

I’m just so happy to see him! And to see the journey that he took in the first 4 seasons. (Seasons 5 and 6 [especially 6] weren’t the real Quentin. It had to’ve been one of his doppelgängers because the real Quentin is smarter than to be fooled by BS’ bs).

Ahh did you see what I did there?!

I love Raisa and I’m so happy they brought her back for season 6! I hope she returns again in season 7! I love the way she takes care of the Queen boys!

John Thomas Diggle is in the building ladies and gentlemen! This man is a gift and honestly I sometimes think we don’t deserve him.

Okay I kinda miss seeing Oliver in regular clothes. It seems like, ever since he became mayor, the only civilian clothes we ever see him in are suits. Don’t get me wrong, that man can fill out a suit, he looks delectable...especially when he’s just wearing a button-up shirt with the sleeves rolled up (those arms!)

But I also kinda miss just seeing him in like jeans and a t-shirt. Maybe once he gets out of prison we’ll see more of that (since he won’t be mayor).

The whole workout/training sequence is just...

We were completely deprived of shirtless Oliver in season 6 and I just cannot stand for that. We better get like double the amount of shirtless Oliver in season 7 to make up for it.

Tommy: Now, by my rough estimate, you have not had sex in 1,839 days.

Yeah except for Shado and who knows? maybe Sara or even some random girl in Russia.

LL: I’m sorry about saying that you should’ve been the one who died. That was wrong.

Nice apology, LL (this is the real LL I was talking about earlier), but you’re gonna change your mind in like 2 episodes. @jbuffyangel calls this phenomenon “as the Lances turn” (referring to the crazy inconsistencies in how the Lances [especially LL] are written). And I love that phrase I’m totally gonna steal it because it’s so true, but I’ll discuss that more when it flares up in later episodes.

John: I would believe you, Mr. Queen, if you weren’t so full of crap.

John Diggle, ladies and gentlemen, taking none of Oliver’s shit since 2012.

Please, someone, give this man a medal.

Okay but did John and Oliver ever talk about Oliver putting John in that hold and knocking him unconscious? I don’t know why, but I kinda have this headcanon that they never actually did talk about it until like years later (probably after Oliver and Felicity returned from Ivy Town and Oliver and John made up) that John was just like “remember when you knocked me unconscious at your welcome home party”.

Okay I know that it’s Yao Fei’s hood, but I kinda wonder why Oliver didn’t get it lined with Kevlar from the get-go. I mean it’s not like he trained in medieval times and then time-traveled to the 21st century to start his crusade, like he’s aware that guns exist and that a lot of the people he planned to take down would use guns. I mean, he could’ve just gotten Anatoly or someone else in the Bratva, I’m sure they know people who know how to do that.

But at the same time, I guess it kinda fits with his whole persona and his plan. When he first starts out he’s not really waging a full-on war against all crime in the city, he’s just trying to take down the corrupt one-percenters and once he does that he hangs up the hood and moves on with his life. So it makes more sense that his suit is more “raw” because he’s more raw. He doesn’t have a team, doesn’t consider himself a hero. It’s just him and his bow and his list.

So I’m watching the scene where Robert kills himself and it makes me think of the scene in season 5 when Oliver is watching the video that Robert left him and Felicity comes along and is like “wow no prssure” and I’m like yeah! I mean, what a crazy and horrible burden to put on your child. I mean, there they are, Robert’s made all these mistakes, but instead of trying to fix these mistakes himself he’s like “nah I think I’m just gonna tell my son to right my wrongs and then blow my brains out right in front of him leaving him traumatized and completely alone”.

This is Robert:

Like jfc, no wonder Oliver’s so screwed up.

I just don’t get what Tommy sees in LL. I mean, throughout the season they just go on and on about how much Tommy and LL love each other, but I just don’t see anything between them. I mean what did they even have in common besides losing Oliver? I mean the only thing I kind of get about their relationship is LL encouraging Tommy to be a better person. Once again, it’s the idea of LL, but it didn’t really work out that way in execution.

And honestly, you know what the worst part about M*rlance was? Knowing that they only did it to create even more drama between Oliver and LL, but then the fact that the writers ended up dropping L*uriver in favor of Olicity made all that drama pointless. Now obviously I know that the writers didn’t know that L*uriver would be a total bust (though they should’ve) or what Felicity and Olicity would become at the time, but still...hindsight is 20/20 I guess.

Ah Moira, being shady af.

I miss her. I always loved her character and Susanna Thompson is such an amazing actress.

I miss her pretty much for the same reason I miss Tommy: the potential. Both Tommy and Moira never really got to see Oliver become the true hero that he is today. They never got to see Oliver fall in love and have his own family. I feel the same way about Quentin. They could’ve done some great things with him. I always wanted the writers to explore his relationship with Felicity more. They had a great father-daughter kind of relationship in season 2. And especially knowing that Felicity’s father abandoned her and Quentin had lost his daughter, I thought it made so much sense that they sorta would’ve adopted each other as a surrogate family. But no. Instead, the writers went with that BS bs (hehe I did it again). And now Quentin is dead; another great character wasted.

Anyway, that’s all for me about this episode. I hope you enjoyed my ranting and I’ll see you later for episode 2.

[fae-fucker]

Shatter Me: Chapter 10-11

Chapter 10

Last time we were in this heck hole of a book, Adam had been revealed to be a soldier and we were introduced to Warner Bros., the resident sexy bad boy who has offered Juliette a job as his personal weapon. 

Adam leads Juliette through some hallways and she’s like totally hot for him still.

I feel him shift in the darkness and soon his body is too close so disarmingly close to mine. His hand is on my lower back and he’s guiding me through the corridors toward an unknown destination. Every inch of my skin is blushing. I have to hold myself upright to keep from falling backward into his arms.

“I’m 100% convinced this man wants to kill me but hotdamn I’d still tap that.”

I can’t even start explaining how much sense this all just makes, you know?

I’m painfully excited but I haven’t felt natural light on my skin in so long I don’t know if I’ll be able to handle it.

This is why people hate first person narration. Fucking look at this garbage.

The air hits me first.

It’s my phantom fist.

Juliette is in awe of all the outside that she’s feeling right now before Adam stuffs her into a tank. A TANK. She also mentions soldiers looking at them and I have to wonder what kind of facility this actually is.

They drive off and Juliette angsts about how shitty everything is and how the world is dead. We also get more information -- if you can call it that -- about how the Reestablishment came into power and became the Establishment, if you will.

I remember there were rules. No more dangerous imaginations, no more prescription medications. A new generation comprised of only healthy individuals would sustain us. The sick must be locked away. The old must be discarded. The troubled must be given up to the asylums. Only the strong should survive.

Ok, so this sounds like good ole fascism right there, so this could theoretically be a thing (because it kind of is right now). It’s got that proper us-vs-them mentality that’s at the core of most authoritarian governments. But then Tahereh gets greedy:

No more stupid languages and stupid stories and stupid paintings placed above stupid mantels. No more Christmas, no more Hanukkah, no more Ramadan and Diwali. No talk of religion, of belief, of personal convictions. Personal convictions were what nearly killed us all, is what they said.

This is just dumb. People in power often use religion to justify their toxic views, and I’m having a hard time seeing humanity (which has gone to war over religion over and over again) giving up all of their religions just because some dingdongs claimed it would help.

Now, I’m not shitting on religious people here, I’m just stating the facts that I do not see humanity accepting this new hardcore atheist government that says that being a person with beliefs and convictions is bad.

Usually dictatorships and authoritarian governments are based on an us-vs-them mentality. The people in power pick a target that they label as “other” and create propaganda to “unite” the people against a common “threat”. “Our” group is presented as strong, righteous, and good to reinforce the love for their own group while strengthening the hate for the “other”.

Forcing the population to war against ... itself? Convincing a population that they’re all terrible to the point where they’ll all just go “yeah I guess we are, please control us”? I don’t see it. Many YA dystopias are based on this idea and I honestly don’t see how this could ever work. 

A potential leader telling you that you’re the best, better than that guy over there, let’s go kill him? That clearly works on a population. A potential leader telling you that you suck and that you should give them the power over you so they can fix you? That’s suspicious as fuck. This sounds more like a cult than a government, and sure, cult tactics do work, but cults target very specific individuals that they slowly groom into accepting their views, and they’re often small as a result of this and the fact that they isolate their members from society. Doing this to a whole population? Nah.

I think this kind of is a side-effect of YA authors being afraid of taking a side? You don’t wanna write about a nasty white dude taking power and making everyone believe that everyone other than a white dude is a piece of dirt because that might upset the white dudes, so you just kind of write governments that are weirdly diverse but are “evil” because they hate ... humanity in general? And we’re all humans, so clearly we’ll think they’re evil! Easy! 

This is also why YA dystopias often create worlds that are super hardcore and oppressive, but conveniently never racist or misogynistic or homophobic, so they’re somehow more advanced than we are when it comes to equality but also more barbaric. *insert I’m not [thing], I hate everyone equally joke here*

And I get it. Writing about real-life oppression mirrored in a fake world is hard and icky and uncomfortable. But if you’ve set out to write a proper dystopia and you end up with this, you do kind of cheapen it all by making your dark-haired white girl oppressed because of her cool superpower/rebel spirit while the government is made up of a diverse cast of bad guys who are all bad because the narrative said so.

I think I went off on a tangent. What I’m trying to say is: people take elements from 1984 even though the parts they take from it don’t make any dingdang sense in the context of their worlds.

Anyway, Juliette tells us that there is, in fact, an underground rebel movement that’s waiting for the right moment to strike. I don’t know how she knows that and I don’t know why they’re waiting, but whatever.

We pull up to a structure 10 times larger than the asylum and suspiciously central to civilization. From the outside it looks like a bland building, inconspicuous in every way but its size, gray steel slabs comprising 4 flat walls, windows cracked and slammed into the 15 stories. It’s bleak and bears no marking, no insignia, no proof of its true identity. 

Political headquarters camouflaged among the masses.

How bad is this camouflage that Juliette, who presumably has never been inside, is able to figure out what it is? I can’t accept the idea that she’s supposed to be super insightful, for obvious reasons. 

Chapter 11

Dirty money is dripping from the walls, a year’s supply of food wasted on marble floors, hundreds of thousands of dollars in medical aid poured into fancy furniture and Persian rugs. I feel the artificial heat pouring in through air vents and think of children screaming for clean water. I squint through crystal chandeliers and hear mothers begging for mercy. I see a superficial world existing in the midst of a terrorizing reality and I can’t move.

[...]

They filled our world with weapons aimed at our foreheads and smiled as they shot 16 candles right through our future. They killed those strong enough to fight back and locked up the freaks who failed to live up to their utopian expectations.

Ok so um. I see the point you’re trying to make here and I agree that rich people are the devil and that we should eat them, but in this world that you’ve created, this kind of makes no sense.

How ... How exactly are they “stealing” or “wasting” money if they’re in charge of the economy and the production of everything? Who exactly are they stealing from if they’ve murdered most of the population anyway? Are they paying people to have those Persian rugs made? Isn’t it more logical to assume they’ve just taken stuff that has already existed, since nobody else was using it? 

Like, you have real-life examples of how politicians and corporations get rich, and this ... this isn’t one of those ways. You don’t blast a population to death and then start producing wealth out of nowhere. New wealth doesn’t just magically appear once you’ve stolen “everything” from the population.

You know for someone who was complaining about how evil the eestablishment are for taking away art and fancy things, she sure doesn’t want any of this art or fancy things. The Reestablishment was also established (hueh) to promote a “simple” lifestyle, and yeah, usually dictatorships do that to the population while they live like kings, but Juliette hasn’t noted this hypocrisy yet, she’s just cringing at the fancy things so far.

Let’s hope she does.

Whatever. Juliette is all disgusted with the luxury around her and sees blood all over (See because she thinks people have been sacrificed to Big Corporate for all this fancy stuff. It’s poetic you see because poor people have uuuuh died for all this stuff and all that.), so much so that she has a breakdown.

I’m in the air. I’m a bag of feathers in [Adam’s] arms and he’s breaking through soldiers crowding around for a glimpse of the commotion and for a moment I don’t want to care that I shouldn’t want this so much. I want to forget that I’m supposed to hate him, that he betrayed me, that he’s working for the same people who are trying to destroy the very little that’s left of humanity and my face is buried in the soft material of his shirt and my cheek is pressed against his chest and he smells like strength and courage and the world drowning in rain. I don’t want him to ever ever ever ever let go of my body. I wish I could touch his skin, I wish there were no barriers between us.

Ok so first you get all upset over how these guys are evil for having all this stuff, and the next second you’re creaming yourself about how you totally wanna bang this dude you don’t know and who you’re convinced wants to kill or otherwise hurt you?

Makes that whole previous freakout seem a bit cheap now, dontcha think?

Juliette begs Adam to kill her because she just can’t handle how horny she is for him how rich and evil these people are, but he’s like naw dawg, can’t kill the protagonist in a trilogy this early. 

Adam takes her to a room and Juliette complains about how pretty and luxurious it is.

Listen. I don’t care how strong her ess-joo spirit is. Girl has been locked up in a cell all alone for 200+ days. Justice for the poor should be at the very back of her head, not her main concern. She should be shitting herself with joy right now.

“Please don’t let go of me put me down,” I tell him.

Tahereh ... sweetie. You can’t do this in dialogue. That’s not ... that’s not how anything works. Did she actually say this and then quickly correct herself? I should be enchanted by this riveting dialogue, not be taken out of the experience trying to figure out if this girl has two voices like she’s possessed by Pazuzu.

Juliette asks Adam to leave her alone, which he says isn’t an option, since Warner Bros. considers her a threat and has thus decided that Adam must watch her at all times. Which means he’ll be moving in.

Yikes. I know it’s all a (rather fanfiction-y) setup for their “romance”, but still, how creepy and uncomfortable is that?

I want to hate him and judge him and scream forever but I’m failing because all I see is an 8-year-old boy who doesn’t remember that he used to be the kindest person I ever knew.

Yeah, can’t wait until he’s suddenly written to be super evil so Warner Bros. can swoop in and save you. 

And, really? “I know he’ll be invading my privacy for who knows how long and I’m pretty sure he wants me harm or at least wouldn’t mind inflicting it if ordered, but he was a nice kid back in school, so I can’t bring myself to hate him!” Great.

Adam tells her that she has to change into less icky clothes and says that there’s a bathroom. 

I see a door connected to the room and I’m suddenly curious. I’ve heard stories about people with bathrooms in their bedrooms. I guess they’re not exactly in the bedroom, but they’re close enough.

1) This narration is completely OOC for Juliette, and also really dumb.

2) So we went from “fuck all this rich people crap!!” to “ooh, my own bathroom? sweet!!” Consistency who?

 Adam says that there are no cameras in the bathroom, which means that there are cameras in the bedroom. Juliette is only mildly concerned with this.

Adam says that Warner Bros. will be expecting her for dinner, and then goes to show her how the stuff in the bathroom works. 

He then acts a bit weird, looking around and putting his finger to his lips to tell her to be quiet, and Juliette assumes he’s about to rape her and wishes she could kill herself.

He of course isn’t and leaves when he realizes why she’s freaking out.

So uh. This suddenly got dark.