#i can dream of having an apartment again
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NICO: WE SHARED THE LIFT THIS MORNING! I WAS GOING TO THE POOL TRAMPOLINE WITH MY TWO DAUGHTERS AND HE WAS GOING TO THE RACETRACK.
PINKHAM: VERY DIFFERENT LIVES YOU'RE CURRENTLY LEADING.
#that line from nico is like /the/ modern brocedes thesis to me#like this is their happy ending!!! it is not the one they dreamed of all those years ago in greece but is a happy ending.#it's not multiple shared championships or racing against each other for years or anything their 13 year-old-selves would've dreamed up but#it is them achieving their dreams. lewis has 7 wdcs and is aiming for an 8th. nico has a loving wife and 2 daughters he'd die for. they are#both doing the things they love. would it have been nice if those dreams included each other? yeah. would it have been nice that when ppl#mention their names it would be to talk about what great friends they are instead of how they tore each other apart? absolutely! but they#were doomed from the start. so maybe it doesn't matter that they didn't get their traditional 'happy ending'. at least they had a happy#start and a semi-happy middle. at least they have the lift to see each other. at least nico's daughters get to keep lewis in their lives in#a way nico will never get to again. they will never share a bowl of frosties again but at least their roots are so thoroughly tangled#together that they can never look back without haunting each other. at least they still have that.#anyway for all the non-americans who reblog or like this. the poem is 'the road not taken' by robert frost. very famous in america#every middle/high schooler has to analyze/read this poem at some point. i don't know how popular he is outside of america so i thought id#leave a note ig.#anyway. i am going crazy and i need to lie down. that 2nd line was sooo hard to find a photo for. wth does 'hence' even mean???#brocedes edit#brocedes#f1 web weaving#f1#nico rosberg#lewis hamilton#f1 edit#nr6#lh44#web weaving
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strap in for this week's fic flavor: the failsafe episode of season one of the young justice cartoon except the simulation just won't. fuckin. end.
(fics that inspired this at the end)
If I ever did sit down to make my own fic, I'd split it in 3 parts:
The Simulation: bits and pieces of the 40 years Dick lives after most everyone he knows has died
The Return: the immediate aftermath and healing from the trauma of having not-quite-actually lived a whole life only to wake up and find out it was all fake. nothing traumatizing about that whatsoever.
The Unintended Consequence: aka the twist I'd love to add and would hint to in the second part - finding out the simulation, through martian mind fuckery, pulled from the real world (and in many cases, from real minds). Dick meets a bunch of people he didn't think were real outside the confines of his simulated life. A bunch of rowdy, heroism-inclined teens across the years get to meet the sibling/friend/mentor figure they all dreamed up one night.
(actual idea snippets under the cut)
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Dick Grayson is 14 and most of the world's heroes have died. He planned a suicide mission that left him the sole survivor of a doomed team he helped found. The invasion may have been stopped, but is this really the price he wanted to pay?
The first face he sees in the infirmary is Roy's, and he has to close his eyes and just breathe for a few minutes because for one painful moment he'd thought it was Wally. But this isn't the world where his best friend miraculously survived alongside him. This is the one where he got his best friend killed and didn't even give him the courtesy of following behind him. Behind them.
.
Dick Grayson is 27 and has lived longer without Bruce than with him. The invasion's anniversary is always a tough day for him, but that morning seems especially harrowing. He'll get shit for it later, but can't resist stepping out onto the balcony of the manor's master bedroom (Bruce's old bedroom) for a smoke -- his first since he'd promised to quit if Jason, just 15 then, did too.
"Bad habits tend to pile up," he'd said, a rueful quirk to his tired grin. He'd tapped the cigarette twice on the railing and added, lower, "and this one's especially nasty, huh."
He inhales, watches the sun creep across the horizon, and lets acrid smoke burn through his lungs for a long moment before blowing it out in a small cloud. His eyes water, but he doesn't cough. It tastes just as bad as it did the first time he smoked one, not even a year after the invasion and treading water as Robin proved insufficient.
There hadn't been enough heroes to go around then, and Dick had been trained by one of the best. It hadn't been fair, but it had been his plan that had ultimately stopped the invasion. His shoulders everyone's expectations fell on.
He takes another drag, then smudges the lit end against the rail he's leaned on when he hears a boot scuff purposefully against the roofing above him.
"Todd and Pennyworth will be upset with you."
He doesn't turn around. Damian doesn't jump down to join him.
.
Dick Grayson is 54 and wakes up in a room full of ghosts. He hears his long-dead father-figure tell his long-dead team about a simulation they weren't meant to win. A training exercise gone wrong and only half a day spent under their mentors' careful, if slightly panicked, supervision.
He looks at his hands, watching the way his gloves crease when he flexes them in and out of tight fists. He looks at his team, their eyes a little haunted but shoulders slumped with relief even as they grumble. Batman's heavy, gloved hand settles on his shoulder and the weight of it is a nauseating mix of foreign-familiar.
He opens his mouth. Closes it.
Tears prick his eyes behind his domino mask, and he tells himself the suffocating, acidic void building in his chest is just some leftover side effect of the ordeal and not the grief-guilt of outliving yet another family (no matter that they hadn't been real in the end).
.
Dick Grayson is 16-going-on-56 and well used to the coincidences piling up between his simulated life and the real thing. Some of it -- missions and villains he remembers cropping up -- he's marked for Bruce to review and sort as he pleases. Some -- security for the cave, team building anecdotes, and training regimens -- he's shared with the team. And some he keeps only for himself.
Tim is one of those. He knows it's not fair to the kid (so much smaller now than he ever was when Dick lived his simulated life), but he can't help being selfish just for this. Tim is the one kid he's sure he didn't make up, and if Dick's taken to babysitting the kid just to be near at least one member of the family he built for himself in the wake of the worst days of his life .... Well, anyone who says shit about it can happily stand in line to have their teeth kicked in.
Despite this, it still catches him off-guard when he sees a familiar face pop up in one of Bruce's reports.
Jason Todd, caught boosting tires off the batmobile, is nearly the same age now as he was when Dick met him. He stares at the words, but none of them really sink in beyond the kid's name and address. He's moving before he's even made the decision.
He's used to the world kicking him when he's down - lived it for 40 frustrating years. But he has Bruce again. And things with Tim have been so good. And he's always been selfish when it comes to family. If he could just see Jason. If he could just meet him. If he could talk to him.
If if if if if--
.
Inspirations:
Circles in Shattered Mirrors by InfinityIllusion
Fine (But Not Okay) by CharlotteDaBookworm
Verisimilitude by mutemelody
#young justice#young justice cartoon#batfam#batman#dick grayson#thoughts and headcanons#the heart wrenching inability to cope with the fact that you've lived a fully realized life#you've loved and lost and loved again in the face of every unending tragedy#until you've forcefully carved out this one little safe haven for yourself#only to be thrust back to the beginning of one of your greatest traumas - esp one you're partly responsible for!#gotta love it#anyway i am and always have been obsessed with dick grayson and no one can stop me#the simulation was fake but some psychic bs means real world elements filtered in#cue several children with weird dream-memories of half-lived experiences and a massive sense of deja-vu#when they wade into the superhero world#all i can picture is the spiderman pointing meme but it's the batkids at dick lol#my favorite idea is that once Dick gets his grubby hands on Jason and Tim it's all over from there#he's pulling late nights and researching and scouring facial recognition databases until he finds his kids#(he blurs the lines a lot when it comes to considering them his siblings vs kids#on the one hand they're not super far apart in age bar Damian#on the other he hasn't been a kid in any meaningful way since he was 14 and he very nearly raised half of them in some way#(plus side to an au is that i can space the ages out more as needed compared to the show haha)#jason and cass are firmly siblings close as they are to his age#steph tim and duke fluctuate depending on how in trouble or injured they are#i will die by dick being damian's dad tho lmao#babs is more platonic life partner than sibling but very firmly family regardless#this is the dick grabs on to any shred of family he can with both hands and drags them in kicking and screaming if he has to au
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Got an assessment back from one of my applications and while I still don't know if they'll actually pick me or not it is a relief to have formal confirmation that my applications aren't considered embarrassingly bad.
#I am 'qualified with a relevant background and good grades' :D#(the latter part I can only take to mean they didn't look at/care about my undergrad grades which. good. whole point of my masters#grade-wise is proving I can do better than that when I'm not incredibly burnt out/having a mild mental breakdown)#I mean I assumed my supervisor would have warned me if I were submitting embarrassingly bad applications#but I did have that dream about a selection committee viciously tearing it apart & have been low-key worried ever since#....particularly good timing to get this on the day that I yet again failed to attend a careers fair I signed up to#which. sigh. I know. but. woke up late and tired and overstimulated and decided my time would be better spent trying to actually get some#progress on the thesis than hearing about how I could work for. checks notes. a sports betting company.#I still have time to make it to some of the less soul-sucky presentations though#liveblogging my masters
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Anyway I got notified that I'll be getting a nice $$ bonus from work today and I wish that I could celebrate with someone in a way that didn't just feel like obnoxious bragging. Like beyond the financial aspect, it's just nice to be recognized for good work and I actually feel... good?? about this job??
But it feels so silly to say I want to celebrate when I just got back from what felt like my first real vacation in a very long time and am doing cool comic con stuff this weekend and am scheduled for a new tattoo next weekend. I am already doing lots of things to try to make myself feel good! It feels selfish to want more!
But I guess even with all of that, there's just still a hunger for external validation from trusted sources. Will I ever grow out of wanting someone to be proud of me?
#stoned ramblings#life of faye#i swear I'm not as sad right now as this makes me sound just kinda lonely is all#work bonus#boss also said that if i wanted to take on more responsibility we could talk raises as well#and like most days I'm done by like 1 so it's not like I'm wildly overworked as it is#I'm going to set some aside for fun stuff and the rest is going in my savings#i am finally FINALLY trying to build up a savings again#it's probably a silly dream but I still want to save up for a house#so what else can i do but try and save?#rent's gone up so damned much everywhere that for somewhere halfway decent it costs about as a mortgage to rent anyway#the only reason my rent is semi-managable is because I've been here for 8 damn years so they haven't been able to drive it up as much#other apartments here start at hundreds more per month for new tenants#so i feel like I'm stuck here until i can afford a place#my one real hope is that I inherit enough from my midwest grandma when she passes to make a good down payment somewhere#sometimes to torture myself I like to go look at houses that I think are in my approximate realistic price range if i could cover the down#i want a yard for velma#i want to be able to open my blinds and/or windows and not feel like a whole apartment complex's worth of people can see me#i want a kitchen where all the burners work and I have enough counter space to work#i want a dryer system where my apartment doesn't get filled with warm wet air when the neighbors are doing their laundry#i want to do nude gardening#and have backyard bbqs with friends#i want enough dedicated space to do art that i don't constantly have to shuttle the easel around the living room and up and down the stairs#all pipe dreams i know#but hey the grandma did say that i was one of her three main inheritors in the will#so we'll see#just to be clear she has not passed but she's nearing 90 and keeps talking about it so it's hard not to think about you know?#anyway these are the sorts of things that i would talk about if I had someone to cuddle on the couch and talk to about my day#texts to nobody
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I had I think a grand total of 6 dreams all of which were vaguely plausible and I still haven't completely figured out what was just dream shit yet
#personal#and all of them happened within like 3 hours after I woke up at 3am and then sort of got back to sleep#except I got back to sleep about 6 times because again. dreams#anyway its like mildly distressing bullshit of having an uncomfortable conversation with friends where I embarrassed myself etc type stuff#can I at least have a nightmare where I get torn apart or something like thats pretty easy to parse as a dream
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last post for the night i swear
the real tragic part about the whole science fair incident is that perpetual motion is impossible to achieve
ford’s machine would have never worked, regardless of whether or not stan had interacted with it
(warning i accidentally wrote an approximately 30-tag dive into ford’s character in the tags don’t click see more if you don’t want to read that)
anyway!! good night everyone ❤️🩹
#it’s also tragic because ford didn’t know#the impossibility of perpetual motion was discovered far before that point and yet he didn’t know#i mean. ‘he’s actually just so arrogant that he thought he could break the laws of physics’ doesn’t make any sense#his reaction to the situation really didn’t match that interpretation as far as i can tell#i don’t think it’s just a ‘oh no! my dream school (that i was essentially shoved into pursuing)!’ type deal#here’s what i’m thinking:#fact one- stan and ford were seemingly already drifting apart by this point in time. this is important to note#fact two- it’s really emphasized to him that he’s smart. that’s all they say about him really- that’s he’s a genius#fact three- filbrick does not even care enough about stanford to say his name. he calls ford his ‘ticket out of this dump’#these last two points were likely heavily emphasized to him throughout his childhood#filbrick found out ford was smart and thought stan wasn’t. so ford became his plan to make money#ford is heavily bullied for his weirdness. his hands and his interests. being smart could ‘make up’ for this in his mind#he wants to leave. he outright states this- he doesn’t feel like he belongs and he wants to go somewhere he does (his own bermuda triangle)#so what essentially happened- i believe- is that ford internalized all these things#that his weirdness is bad and that he makes up for it by being smart and that he’s meant to make his family money-#-and that he wants out#his machine fails. this is a slap in the face to him. perpetual motion is impossible?#but why didn’t he know that? he’s supposed to be smart isn’t he? if he isn’t smart then what the hell is he?#what redeeming qualities does he have? how is he supposed to help his family now? he’s a failure isn’t he?#he spots a familiar bag. stan was here. suddenly he has an excuse- a reason to believe it wasn’t his fault#(and there’s really nothing to be at fault for but he doesn’t think that)#it’s easier to blame it on stan because of how distant they’ve grown. he can’t read stan as easily#and his reaction is suspicious- did he actually sabotage the project? is it…actually not ford’s fault at all?#they don’t speak to each other again for another decade#stan because he’s afraid of rejection#ford because he doesn’t want to face his own insecurities and emotions about everything#it’s easier to pretend that he wants to be famous and isn’t just doing it to make it his father money#and it’s easier to distract himself with things he loves than to feel all the guilt and hurt and frustration#and that. is perfect for bill to use to manipulate him#that’s my thoughts anyway. sorry for the rant was not expecting that to happen
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...
#my dads back in ohio again so im back on my own. i still feel terrible but at least i have a plan#i have 2 weeks of this semester left. so i have to not fail my genomics exam and work on a group project plus grade a bunch#shouldnt be too hard but everything makes me so tired rn and i just feel this barrier between myself and everything else#even when my dad was here. i just dont kno how to feel happy. just varied levels of stress#but after the semester is over ill have to find a job for the summer. which super stresses me out bc i havent really had a real job outside#academia and im worried about how stressful ill find it bc im sure its gonna suck but at least i wont have to work on my project#i just think if i had a normal job that doesnt dominate every aspect of my life id feel a little less terrible. or at least i wouldnt send#myself spiralling so much. if i stay here i might not survive it#but what if ill just make myself miserable wherever i am? i dunno. but im gonna try to find a non academic job this summer with the epa or#maybe the usgs. i mean ive gota a bachelor's and a masters in environmental topics. that's gotta count for something#just get a government job. pray for a not terrible set of coworkers. and build something from there#it just sucks bc i feel like everythings falling apart and like i kno if i gave it my all i could pull thru and get my phd but im just so#tired of struggling against something everyone else can do. i just cant read at a level appropriate for what im doing#ugh. i dont wanna study for genomics. i just wanna sleep. i just wish i wasn't in this position#and now i a baby about it. i mean my sisters r in similar positions bc the youngest is currently looking for a teaching job. and my middle#sister is looking to move to new york city in the next 6 months and she'd be quitting her job for that. so we're all sorta in flux#i just wanna not be flailing. not watch my hopes and dreams collapse. be excited about anything. im just sad bc i have to make hard choices#even if i know theyre the right ones to make if i want to continue to exist. sometimes u cant have the things u wany.#and that sucks and i hate it. theme of the year: sometimes life sucks and theres nothing u can do abt it#unrelated
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big epiphany you guys. big. huge.
#cliffnotes for context: smute almost finish masters. smute think oh‚ maybe phd not crazy wacko shit‚ maybe i can try#but smute also low self esteem. with any small setback - smute think oh what is point. smute bound to fail#problem is: smute genuine self doubt = smute quotidian frustration#ok normal english now#so thats what i realized today. a lot of the ''small'' things i dream of (financial independence‚ a nice little apartment etc) are#expressions of some low level frustration with my nomadic broke student life#rather than genuine desires. and as dumb or as#duh#obvious as that may sound rn#its actually huge for me that i was able to recognize the difference today#this question of what i will do after i graduate has been haunting me for the past year#and i am now realizing that a lot of my own arguments have nothing to do with what i want#just because they're things i don't currently have doesn't mean they would be fulfilling#and#again. duh.#but like. between this debilitating self doubt and certain external pressures 🤨 it was hard to see the difference#anyway i basically just explored some alternative scenarios today#like specific scenarios. went on indeed found some really good stuff and tried to imagine my life a year from now if i took this or that jo#and the end result was that i fucking hated it. they were all great options on paper but the takeaway was that i would never forgive myself#if i didnt give this a try. if i prioritized some vague notion of independence or this idea of ''settling down'' or whatever the fuck#over the one thing that ive got going for me#like i still don't know if the academic path will be any more fulfilling than some other job#god knows my entire academic career so far has been an insane uphill battle. but it's also been so fucking rewarding. like nothing else#and i also still dont know how genuine this wish is#if it's not maybe still about proving myself to some imaginary authority#but like. how long can you psychoanalyze yourself before your goddamn head explodes#no matter how pure my motivation is im beginning to understand that i dont want this to be the end of the road#and maybe that's enough#&
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📓🖊️
#maybe maybe one day i'll be ok??#maybe i'll manage to get my high school diploma#maybe i'll get a student housing apartment in another city. maybe i can study to become a pre school teacher...#(not my dream job but the only job that seems possible for me)#maybe i'll be able to work on my anxiety and avpd and become more calm#maybe i'll be able to exercise the way i want nd become physically strong#maybe i'll be brave enough to try apps to make girl friends i can hang out with???#maybe i'll get back into writing nd posting it. maybe i'llhave more fun w insta and taking photos again??#maybe i'll fix my relationship w my sisters nd talk to them again??#maybe if im lucky i'll meet someone who i fall in love w who falls for me too? maybe someone will one day choose to be with me??#maybe i can get a real apartment nd have a job? maybe i can even live w a partner one day? and maybe i'll have friends?#maybe i wont be all alone forever?? maybe i wont feel this alienated nd isolated for my entire life??#maybe maybe maybe my life can be alright....? can it really be?#i dont have much hope. but maybe??? plz plz plz let it be so let it be so#and maybe for now.. as im lower than i've ever been before..#maybe i just need to be able to eat more normally again. then i can have my coffe chocolate moments w youtube#and i can watch kdramas nd have dinner. which are two moments that make me feel ok nd calm#<<< i feel ashamed abt it but comforting eating is a thing for me. im gnna be alone 4ever anyway so might aswell just accept thats how i am#so yeah maybe maybe i'll start feel a bit better when i can disconnect from everything nd just get immersed in a kdrama nd have dinner lmao#idk. i just dont feel like i'll ever have a real life. i'll never have what i dream abt (which isnt even much. just love.. just love lmao)#so then i can daydream nd live by reading books nd watching kdramas nd tv shows nd also write a lot#but ofc in my freetime bc i need a job w a stable income nd my own apartment. even if i dont love my job i need one that i can be ok with
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.
#not snz and not a vent... just passive musing#had a dream two nights ago where someone who i used to know (and love a little) wished me goodbye with a#kiss to the hand before i flew away from them forever on a magic chair#which is very stud//io g//hi//bli-esque and frankly very unserious but#the feeling of grief i felt saying goodbye to a friendship which i had once held so close to me - and which i know can probably never#be as close as it was at that point in my life - stuck with me for a long time even after i woke up#it's been something i've been thinking about for awhile... but the dream felt like such a concrete and painful severance#i think that like a childish part of me wants to hold the people i'm close to at#the same distance and trust that they will stay there forever#but logically i know it's natural that the people i met under certain circumstances might drift apart once those circumstances change#for one or both of us... i guess friendship really is just a lucky convergence at one point in time where everything aligns#like i know this and i have known this for awhile but god does it hurt#especially those kinds of goodbyes that feel so gradual... not like a clear severing of ties but just a gradual disappearance#i think i probably have to not feel so hung up over what i used to have. and for the most part i am not; life goes on#but for those people?#i sometimes just miss them#there's a special kind of hurt knowing that i could reach out to them and say hello and that they would probably respond but that it might#never be quite the same again
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worming out of awkward conversations l i k e
#accidentally partially traumadumped on my coworker earlier auaaaaaa im so sorry#literally all she asked was ‘are you gonna be spending cny with your father?’ and cue the rant (sadge)#i didn’t really have to tell her that the dude tried to burn our apartment down during a certain rampage#(said fire was extinguished by my then-11 year old bro with water from the sink though. good boi)#the topic was successfully changed after that yeayyyyyy#but. m a n n n n . cny is not a good time for me lmfaooooo#i swear i have at least one bad memory for all of the years that i’ve gone housevisiting for the season#like there was that time when i，as a kindergartner，was deemed to be the cause of breaking apart the family’s bonds#over a can of cola at a reunion dinner bc i cried when my evil aunt scolded me for daring to want a drink other than water#i think my father still blames me for that to this very day lmfaoooooo#g o d. manifesting my hopes and dreams for that prick to not contact me this year im begginggggg#he’s. like. the one person i hate more than myself. 3rd place on my hatelist is his father ofc. no clue who 4th place would be though…#hmmmmm ok i think that’s enough traumadumping for one cny season lmao#tune in next year as i once again wonder what tf the name of one of my cousins is#bc despite how bonkers that side of the family is… i’m sure that the dude’s parents weren’t deranged enough to name their son ‘colour’—#his name is seriously one of my greatest unsolved mysteries. i mean. he has siblings with names like dylan and vivian/valerie/vanessa(?)#and yet everyone calls him something that sounds like ‘colour’.#like damn did his parents decide to skip giving just one of their children a first name or something? guess i’ll never know
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Old sci fi robots.
I love you. I wish to touch you in more than just the paper you were drawn on, or the words that crafted you.
#shine post#i really like robots#robots#sci fi robot#romantic#i want to kiss robots#and feel their bodies with my fingers#i got to open up an old computer in kindergarden as a hands on thing with supervision#after that i would ask each grade if we could take apart computers#my mom gave me a broken one and let me rip it open#i still have some pieces and i long yet again to open up the casing of a machine and go over it#cutting through wires and unscrewing everything i can and seeing the chips inside#i dream about it
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went to the vet for a follow-up and cersei the cat peed on my leg on the way...
this is her at the vet
#aiden's monologuing#let's not talk about how much vet bills cost. let's just not#have to go back again because they need a urine sample lmfao. cersei why...#just had to go throught the whole vet appt with a giant wet spot on my pant leg#oh also paid $50 for them to tell me nothing and come back later lmaooooo#another $75 for the testing on friday they couldn't do today...#well. anyway. toured an apartment and if the lease checks out i'll have a place to live for six months#and hopefully i can find a job there. in an impossible dream.
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I’m so ready for finals to be done with…
#delete later#pardon my insanity -my focus is coming apart#i *cannot* have my focus come apart -I still have cumulative material to study…#…and the exam isn’t until 1:00 tomorrow#i think I forgot about the apathetic phase that comes at the tail end of finals week#too much intense running around the last three weeks#save me crowded house and split enz (or can Tim show up in my dreams again for encouragement?)#(that’s probably asking too much…)#(I’d be happy with any of the other guys too though… or someone from Squeeze… or Supertramp… or The Moodies)#*hangs ‘bang head here!’ sign on the wall and just presses head against it*
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I decided because I love suffering that everyone gets their own halter.
#-pops on once in a blue moon to update and dip-#like what it's been. ten years since I've basically said 'hey life is crazy but I really wanna try to be active again!!' lmfao#somehow life keeps getting crazier in good and absolutely abysmal ways#have been sleeping on my floor for the past week due to Fun Health Issues which will probably be a thing for the next month+#and I would b*tch about that but today is the first day in the past week that I have not been miserable so#I'm on a 'I do not feel like sh*t! :DDDD' high lmao#I'm good!! life is just funny and I really need to do standup tbh#when I suffer apparently I am hilarious so silver linings 💕#chaotically toggles between emoticons and emojis bc f*ck the police no one can stop me#this is me a week *not* taking my prescribed amphetamines ahahaha#on them I am actually relaxed and chill which is funny#off them I'm either a sloth or nighttime kitty zooms basically#my body may b falling apart but you cannot stop my chaotic little mind apparently#ANYWAY broken record babey but I do... want to be more active.... if it happens I'll eat my hat but.#can I just say how elated I am that MORE SNOW#Winter Riders was my first SS game so. snow in game is v special to me and I literally dreamed about this and they MAGICALLY DELIVERED#I have a million critiques but clearly I still love the game and I am very happy with how they handled this lmao#anyway I hope everyone is healthier and a little more mentally stable than I <3#I love this stupid game a lot it is still my comfort... n0n-object. sldkfj.#also everyone must know I am f*cking OBSESSED with the unicorn oh my god#still a ponygirl at heart ig 😒 owell#also ye Dragonheart got an update!! heeeee#Dragonheart#Illusion#Brilliant Vision#Myth#Chocolate Dream#mostly sticking to two part names but ngl. for certain special horses I'm enjoying the single name options#also the halter thing is to sorta discourage me from impulse buying horses lmfao#I am 99% positive it will have 0 effect lmaooooo but everyone looks fancy now
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online ads for my most trusted cheap mail order catalogue turned online shop (which I've been getting clothes and other items from for the past 22 years of my life) have been bombarding me with things I'd Actually Really Like To Have
why yes, I'd love that black faux leather bondage style top with the o-ring details, or the long black gown with the fluttery see-through sleeves, or the dark blue floor length galaxy print curtains, or the lovely black velvet armchair with built-in foot resting space perfect for curling up on infront of the TV....
BUT I SHAN'T BECAUSE NO MONEY OR SPACE
#maybe once i have an apartment again or (gasp) a house of my own#but not now and not for a long time tbh#not in this economy#but a guy can dream
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