#i can pay for my health insurance yeah. but thats about it?

[pizzapizzadickz]

.

[lokigodofaces]

being an american on here is wild because i keep seeing posts from other americans that describe things they've experienced and say that it is universal among americans and it'll be stuff i've either never heard of or know for a fact isn't true. maybe it's pretty common in your state or the states surrounding you, but there's so much stuff i see that i can not relate to whatsoever, and i've never left the states.

[bishiglomper]

I was in bed all day. Just totally sapped of energy. And flipping between freezing and sweating 😣

I attempted to get up. Which was me propping myself up into a sitting position until i was awake enough to leave. But it just devolved into my dozing and sinking lower and lower. Pfft. I wasnt successful

And then DAD called. I was expecting him to at some point when i learned mom told him about my heart issue. 😅 he gets a stick up his butt about my health whenever something happens.

I told him I'm trying to be good and i see flippin' every specialist they have and they dont ever have answers for me. And hes giving me a hard time. We both gradually got loud and frustrated at eachother until his wife (they do speakerphone) starts ripping him a new one like "ITS HARD TO BE A WOMAN IN THE MEDICAL SYSTEM, THEY DON'T KNOW WHATS WRONG WITH YOU AND YOU'RE NOT LISTENING TO HER."

And I had gotten teary and i was just like "....YEAH." 🥺

"Good job, see, you made your daughter cry"

Lmao 😂 i cried more because I was touched but honestly it probably would have taken only another moment of yelling before frustration ran out and i just broke. Mom hates this womans guts but i cant help but love her. She has her own autoimmune issues so SHE UNDERSTANDS. And she puts dad in his place when he gets a bug up his butt.

He really wants me to go up there and make me be seen by one of his doctors which im all for but insurance is fickle. He may need to pay out of pocket for something like that.

None of my doctors actually talk to eachother. And it seems like even if i go to a "specialist" they're not special enough. 🙄 still waiting to see if/when i can see the rhythm specialist to be tested for pots.

Theres always something that makes me go "no it cant be pots, I don't do/have this particular symptom" but someone told me i could have it with high BP, which was one of the things... And i know thats been up and down. So dad decided hes gonna send me a blood pressure machine.

He was thrilled when i said i would totally check it all the time. I love knowing wtf my body is doing. I dont check my bloodsugar enough but when im curious about it enough I'll check it all the time. I just need that extra motivation lol. told him ive been using the pulse ox. Now we just need to see what my bp is doing.

Honestly if i thought i could just walk into the nearest building with a cuff id do it at least once a day. But I dont think they'd do it without question.

He wants me to experiment with my drugs. Like going off them. I wanna do the BP tilt table thing but im with mom, i dont really wanna do it without a doctor knowing about it. But if i have my own cuff, then i can bring data to them 👀

[raj-veerapen]

Phone Call 1 

Featuring: Raj and Xavier @xaviernottheprofessor  Time: 11:30 PM, couple days after Thomas and Celeste’s wedding Triggers: Incarceration, Mental Health Issues, Raj’s Ex-Fiancée, Raj and Xavier’s Breakup  Note: When I say this one is a roller coaster, I have to admit I did not expect the ending 

Raj: after Xavier picks up Hey...um sorry if this is a bad time.

Xavier: had take a while to pick,excited and worried about who was calling, he laughs hey! No,no. I was just lying in bed. I can't really sleep anyway. Are you alright? Everyone okay?

Raj: Yeah, I'm fine. Amaya's out with some friends and I got off about an hour ago. It's just....remember when you helped me with the insurance stuff? I had forgotten about that but my card showed up today and I was wondering if you could help me out with signing up for a plan because I have no idea what any of this even means.

Xavier: Wait. he sits up and smiles Raj, thats fantastic! I'm so happy to hear that! Of course I can help. Let me uh, let me get my laptop real quick. Anddd okay got it. I'm going on the medicaid choice site right now. Emmie's wifi is amazing so...okay first we have to see if your doctors par with the insurance so want to give me names? I can look them up.

Raj:  awkward pause I don't actually have a doctor.

Xavier: oh. Right. Right. That's why I pushed this in the first place. Have you spoken to your therapist? Maybe they can submit the claims to the insurance. I know some doctors do that out of courtesy.

Raj: Not yet, from what I could tell she doesn't take insurance, but I can ask. It'd help out a lot of she could

Xavier: okay, perfect umm well, for our county,it would be Anthem and thats a great plan. And Raj, you can get a lot of benefits actually. You should look into it when you have time. Like food stamps even housing vouchers to help pay rent. 

Raj: But there's people who need those resources more than I do, and I don't want to go through the approval process and take a spot that should be going to someone else.

Xavier: but its not like you don't need it. Yes, there are people that need it and maybe more and hopefully they're getting help. The help is out there. The bottom line is you do need it. You're not claiming anything that shouldn't be for you. You fit the criteria. And besides, fuck capitlism, right? Eat the rich. This is one way to do it...just sayinnnnn.

Raj: deep sigh I know, I'm just......one of the things that I've been talking to my therapist about is trying to figure out why my first instinct whenever someone offers help is to deny it and why I don't believe that I should be allowed to have more than just what I need to survive. And this just kind of hits both of those.

Xavier: closes the laptop Anthem. Don't forget it.  Well, its a good thing to dwell on. Look, Raj  you have spent a good amount of your life helping others. Its remarkable. If you dont do for yourself, you run the risk of no longer being around to do those things.  Think of Amaya. She adores and needs you. And I'm not guilt tripping you.  I'm just saying we all have our place in this world and if yours is to give to others always then you have to stick around longer. Can't do that on a Ramen diet and poor medical treatment.  And you have to nourish your mind too. That's why you're in therapy right? he clears his throat um, have you thought that maybe this a generational trauma type of thing? Maybe you've been conditioned to feel this way? It feels instinctual because its all you know. That may be where you need to start.

Raj: I don't think it was generational, like we didn't have a lot growing up, but there was always a sense of taking care of yourself before others, so it was a sense of volunteering and helping the community but not........this. And like this is going to sound so fucking stupid now, that was what I was trying to do back before I was arrested. My salary was to support Amaya and Saanvi, make sure that we had what we needed as a family, that we had enough to spend on the occasional treat or fun day out. It was just....................................pause that sounds a little like a realization after prison that I stopped.

Xavier: listens intently. Its the first time Raj has ever spoken about his family  its not stupid. The other stuff? It's not important.  Like these luxuries, all the nonsense. It's just...it's okay to have too. Especially if people are helping others. And it sounds like maybe what happened with Saanvi and then prison....maybe it all was just the perfect situation for all of this to get worse for you.   frowns do you feel undeserving or do you feel like you don't want to take away from someone else. I know its both but I think that first part hits harder. Like you said, before prison you at least lived within your means and did what you had to for the community. You have to figure out what happened to your mindset in that interim when you were away.

Raj: Maybe....I honestly hadn't even connected Saanvi to it much, or even my time in prison. I just don't like thinking about either of them all that much. I guess I just never really let go of the fact that when I was there, the whole you aren't really a person just gets drilled into you.

Xavier: has half a mind to get out and go to Raj.  I'm sorry that happpened to you. God, I am so sorry. You are a real person. A person that I care about and want to see get through this ...sadness that you have. sighs Do me a favor and remember this for your next session. Its so good and so important, Ba---Raj. I think that once you see this through, you won't have to think about them all that much. You can look forward to happier memories, Just fill yourself with the things and people that make you the most happy. You need to heal. You deserve to heal. Okay?

Raj: I mean, it was my fault that it happened so it just felt like the natural consequences of things. pulls out a paper and starts taking notes on their conversation I will, I'm writing it down so I'll remember. But I'm sorry that I ended up dumping all of this on you, I wasn't trying to.

Xavier: sure and that's okay but you're still a person. Prison reform is definitely something worth talking about someday. smiles oh don't worry about any of that. We're friends right?

Raj: That's honestly something that I've never worked with, I just don't think I can mentally handle doing that kind of work.........which I guess is a healthy boundary to know? So maybe that's progress? And yeah, we're friends, but I don't think this is a regular friend conversation. You just make me feel safe.

Xavier: it is very healthy so its great you recogize it.  It is progress. Pat yourself on the back. he stares at the ceiling once he's lying down maybe not but I guess that's okay. I'm happy I make you feel safe. Hearing your voice...well, it's so nice.

Raj: lays down on his air mattress which makes annoying air mattress sounds I've missed hearing your voice too. I was honestly feeling guilty about how much I've missed you because I was sure that after everything you wouldn't want anything to do with me

Xavier: laughs ehhhh well, confession time? I was close. Just bitter. I was getting to the angry phase. It wouldn't have lasted long. Just anything from you and I'd be yours. * closes his eyes* sorry sorry. I know that's bloody confusing. But you understand.

Raj: Honestly, I pulled out my phone to text you more times than I could count, but I just thought that you'd be too angry. Or we'd start a cycle of accidentally hurting each other again. But it is definitely confusing. I haven't stopped thinking about you since the wedding

Xavier: it took a lot of restraint for me to not continue texting but I thought it'd be badgering and I figured there was no use. I guess in the spirt of being confusing, I haven't either but it hurts less. I'm at peace with a lot of things now. I don't know. laughs nervously you have no clue how much I fucking adore you, do you?

Raj; I'm glad that you're at peace that I was a complete asshole because I'm not yet. smiles I think I have an idea of it, because it's probably about as much as I adore you.

Xavier: runs a hand over his face and laughs. i mean you were an asshole. smiles But i was inconsiderate. I'm sorry about all of that. The house, tuition. I don't know how to love sometimes.  takes a deep breath You don't know...if you were here. The friends line would be very blurry. swallows hard yeah, yeah source for nice dreams at least. You being here and all. chuckles And just like that I'm a hot mess.

Raj: I'm not mad about the tuition, I mean I was, but honestly I think I was just more mad I had no idea. Like Amaya had never given me any indication that she wanted to go to college, so it wasn't just the shock you paid, but the fact she'd kept that from me. And then the house on top of it............trails off and sighs I wish that I knew how to react better, but I'm working on it. But I know, so insanely blurry. Part of me wants to see you right now, but I also don't want us to do something we'd regret in the morning.

Xavier: I'm sorry. I hope she's spoken about things more now? I've talked to her about that. She's just always afraid you'll feel obligated to do something for her and she worries about you too. She's such a good kid, Raj. nods I mean, it was a lot. And a commitment and just...a lot. sighs I didnt have much growing up and I just want to give as much of myself as I can. Especially to someone I want to spend the rest of my life with. I got overly excited. Oh God, Seb was right. I'm a golden retriever. laughs you'll get there. You're already making so much progress. I can say with my whole chest that the entirety of my being wants to see you right now. And we would absolutely do things we'd kind of regret. laughs softly But you'll definitely be in my dreams. I'll take that for now.

Raj: We have, we had a really long conversation about it about a week after....it all happened. And I know, and I just wish I could have just accepted it, but at least we both understand a little bit more as to why I reacted that way because it kind of took me by surprise too. The way that it all just bubbled over. chuckles You know, with how you keep mentioning these dreams, I'm kind of curious about what exactly you're thinking is going to happen in them.

Xavier: Good. I guess it wasn't the time. I can understand the universe telling us things. pauses a bit before letting out a soft sigh  Well, we're most definitely not friends in them.

Raj: I figured that part, considering that we're definitely not friends in any of my dreams either.

Xavier: that....well, that's just unfair. laughs and takes a moment to collect himself I'll help you relax and tell you all about my dreams as long as you tell me yours.

Raj: laughs back I think that sounds like a deal

FADE TO BLACK FOR PHONE SEXY TIMES because the two of them collectively decided phone sex isn’t real and if it’s not real you can’t regret it

[scribbleclipse]

Okay. Opinion time. But like. Hear me out. (ps rant?? .. yeah, rant probably) (tw for capitalism or like societal issues as a whole)

I was about to post something about "Man, I wish there was an instruction Manuel for being an adult" BUT THEN I REALIZED,

THE EDUCATION SYSTEM FAILED ME. SO BAD?? School IS /supposed/ to BE the instruction Manuel, BUT IT LITERALLY FAILED TO TELL ME ANYTHING THAT I ACTUALLY NEEDED TO KNOW ABOUT HOW TO SURVIVE ON MY OWN. Not to mention I didn't even get to graduate because of UNDIAGNOSED NEURODIVERGENCY, and the teachers REFUSING to give me what I needed in class because "tHe OtHeR sTuDeNtS dO jUsT fInE, yOu JuSt DoN't TrY hArD eNoUgH" so I just... Dropped out 💀(plus some other issues, but that's besides the point)

What's the POINT school brainwashing us to be mindless workers at a desk job or some other sort of corporate work, IF THEY DON'T ALSO TEACH US HOW TO DO TAXES, APPLY FOR APARTMENTS, HOW TO BUILD CREDIT, AND GENERALLY JUST HOW TO SURVIVE AS AN ADULT?

Maybe I just don't even understand what the point of school is, lol. I certainly don't think it's "education for knowledge's sake" it's more like "get educated well enough so you can join the working class when you're older"

BUT LIKE, IF THATS THE CASE- wouldn't they like... Actually want us to you know, know enough to actually be able to survive adulthood and continue working without difficulty? (And like, make plenty of accomodations so you have MORE workers?...)

But, I forgot, corporations don't even want to pay their workers an actual liveable wage, keeping their workers in poverty.. which leads to, starvation, sickness, mental health issues, desperation, and maybe even loosing workers due to the above issues.

Like... AM I MISSING SOMETHING?? would it not be more profitable in the long run to actually take care of your people and insure their safety? Ah, but I also forgot, corporations are after that sweet sweet short term profit, where (sarcasm) EVERYONE WINS IN THE END. Right?...

Sorry for that ramble in a half xD I am just completely fed up with this system, it's so completely broken it's insane. Like... Bleh. I don't know, What's the point of profit if you destroy everything in your path?

[nityarawal]

Notes to hustling landlord for his last minute electrical bill:

Breeding for Dog Owners - Caring for Newborn Puppies | VCA | VCA Animal Hospitals

https://vcahospitals.com/know-your-pet/breeding-for-dog-owners-caring-for-newborn-puppies#:~:text=During%20the%20first%20four%20days,29.5%2D32%C2%B0C).

Google says it should be 70-80. Do you have a heat pad for them?

My cash came in! (: Yay! Relief! MJ loaned us a heat pad for puppies and is going to run me into town possibly.

Are you going anyways?

I need to go to liquor store too.

Do you need anything?

OK thanks. I just can't afford more yet but I got your $300! Hopefully Gabriel tarps roof tonight. It's too wet right now. I'm just warming up at MJs. I thought it was sweet of them to loan heat pad. I just put it on low. I gave the dogs alot of love and care when you weren't around. 3-6 cans of tuna/day etc. You asked me to check on them. Otherwise I was never in your room. No worries. When I get money I'll upgrade to Mike's. Can we turn it around? His place is cute. I just like entrance north or east.

Do you accept bit coin? I need to figure out new banking now that it broke! Lmk if you want to create it in a fun way. I'm going to be creative.

I don't have it. I told you I need to get my divorce refunds from court. My kids are raped so thats proority to stop. Did you find Melodys phone with Jada screenshots from nurse Darlene's smear campaign? I let Idyllwild Health Center know about their defamation trial at America 1st Legal. Send me all your testimony. Another mom is getting her refunds from Elon Musk now. I'll let Melody know her Sugar Daddy at Big Pharma needs to cover it. I would've had bank and insurance refunds if she didn't spread her legs for drugs & hooker car. Protect ranch better next time from court Hoes please. No teeth- no business- ever. Sober friends & clients only. Lol Prayers. Lmk if you want to rent 2 vacant trailers. They could pay immediately.

Are you going to be a hater over your irresponsible heating bills for pets? I had no heat or bed all winter after Melody sold me to a Chula Vista bonified court pedo- and still have leaky roof bro and your Cougar hustled me as a sex worker. Gross? Yeah- it is. No triangulation with felons. Merci. Thankyou. Grazie works with moms. And heat/food. Priorities. TG MJ let me warm up in snow storms at her place & Gabriel tried to fix propane heater we bought $20 in gas for. Do you have another? It's broken. I love your dogs and was happy to help caretake for birth all weekend & feed them 50 + cans of Tuna. Loved your toasty room. Thankyou! Maybe offer rewarding incentives to tenants- like jacuzzi- for labors & humane housing/ rick concerts? Also- does that dryer work? My bedding & carpet is so wet! Flooding! Mr. Landlord- we wish you a fine day!!! You will manifest this. You got it. No need to start ww4. It didn't work w/ Melody or Mikey did it? Peace. Merci. $Nityalakshmi

#Irany #GetSome w/ Dr. HALL.

HEARD HES GIVING FREE CHIRO TO HOOKERS & COMEDIANS! Your cousin?

Auntie Janet Hall was my nanny & her son Chris Hull is a political whore. He made my Jewish bff do Morning after pill.

I would never date anyone named Chris. For record. Or Mark. Now Halls. (:

Thank Melody.

You're very own court syphalis spreading #Trumpleberry political actress Cougar. Merci!!!!!! Lol

[doctapuella]

.

[aleksa-sims]

My RL gameplay (18+)

CW addiction, heart break

I was home again! 😢 I knew it wouldn’t be easy,  but I really wanted to do this thing myself, to give Damian this health insurance card from Nico. Philip can’t take care of all my affairs like my apartment or anything else related to Nico. He has done enough for me and it’s time for me to look forward again. But unfortunately, I guess, I wasn’t ready to leave N. behind and just forget him. I had the feeling, that it would never stop. And soon Philip will also have to leave! 

Ana & Sandra came with me, because my parents didn’t want to let me go. They were afraid I’d be......well, you now, on drugs again.  P. couldn’t get here on time, but he’ll come later. And I’m not staying here, of course!  As long as I continue to be treated in the addiction clinic, I should stay with my family. 😕

Sandra: I’ve never been here, A.! I’m so sorry, I never came to visit you when you and Nico lived here. 

Me: It’s ok, S. I’m done with our stupid fight and you don’t have to apologize to me anymore for what happened. Our fight was just....pointless. 😕 🤷‍♀️

Sandra: Thats why I promise, that I will never argue with you or Ana again about a.....fucking guy. 🤨

Ana: Hm! 🤨  Let’s see, S.!......A.? Are you ok?

Me: No, I’m not! 😢 😢 I miss him so much and I just need him! I want to see him....

Sandra: Maybe you’ll see him again? Because why does Nico keep paying the rent for your apartment? All this, stuff & things! He just left everything to you.😦 🤷‍♀️

Me: Idk, S.? He just wanted to get away from me. And besides, my grandparents gave us the security deposit for the apartment, and I’ll get it back, when I move out of here.

Sandra: But Nico has also invested money here, so you probably didn’t pay for everything on your own, A.?

Me: Yeah, of course. But Nico and I, we never really fought over such things. He just didn’t like it when I spend all my money on pointless stuff.

Sandra: I think Nico never intended to leave you. 😟 He wanted a future with you. That’s why he put everything in here financially, without questioning everything. And I think A., that he still believes in it. What are you gonna do with the apartment now? If I were you, I’d wait.

Me: Please just stop! 😩 😟 I’m not ready to make that decision. It just hurts everything....... Can you two please leave me alone? 😔

Ana: What? 🤨 No! We shouldn’t have come here! I could have done this on my own with Mom or Dad.

Sandra: Yeah, she’s right! And where should we go....and WHY? 🤷‍♀️

Me: I just want to be alone! Please just..... go shopping. 

Ana: Yeah, come on S.! Let’s leave her alone for a minute. She won’t do anything stupid!

I wanted to see, if I could stand it alone in here. Because I didn’t want to move back in with my parents for ever! I wanted to live my life as it was. 😢 ....After 5 minutes, the doorbell rang. I didn’t know Damian so well! I only met him twice. First time at this fucking Xmas party when his stupid, drunken twin sister’s hitting on N. 😠 and the second time, was here at home, he visited Nico. 

Damian: Hey? I was expecting Philip. 🤨  Where is he? 🤷‍♂️ I wanted to hang out with him.

Me: Why? Is this about N.? Should you talk to Philip about something in particular? 😕

Damian: No, I know Philip from soccer training before, I just wanted to talk to him. I wanted to ask him what’s going on with Nico, he’s playing like shit! Because of you! 🤨 Idk exactly what happened to you two, He’s not talking about it! But P. probably knows what’s going on with Nico.

Me: He just left me! 🤷‍♀️ He wanted me to come with him to Italy first, but I think the truth is, Nico just wanted to get away from me.😔

Damian: I thought you broke up with him? 😦 ..... Shit! I’m so sorry! Still, I don’t understand why Nico would be so angry when he left you?? He beat up David. David said something really crazy about you, that he’s gonna..... shag you with Philip.😬 Idk what this is about, but Nico totally freaked out. That’s why I thought, something had happened between David & you. But David is with my sister and she was also extremely upset when he said that to Nico.

Me: What? 😦  Your sister’s in Italy, too? 😨

Damian: Not anymore! She flew back with me.

Me: I thought David was kicked out? 🤔

Damian: He’s sitting on the bench! He’s not one of the 11 regular players anymore. His contract is not renewed and ends in the summer. Fucker!! 😠 He made me bruise my wrist.

Me: Why are you all so obsessed with getting beat up? This is just totally sick! 😒 I remember exactly what you all did at my graduation-party! 🤨

Damian: I just tried to keep Nico & David apart. But David that son of a bitch, kicked my wrist with his fucking boots. On purpose! 😠 I wanted to know why Nico is so easily irritable lately, but he doesn’t talk! My sister was with him and he talked to her. She went to him, she wanted to know if there really was something with you and David. And Idk what happened? My sister didn’t want to tell me what was wrong with Nico.

Me: When was she with him? I mean where? And what did she do with Nico? 😧 😟

Damian: She was in his room, in his apartment. I wanted to go too, but Nico never let us in. He always wanted to hang out alone.

Me: I saw what your stupid sister did to Nico at that fucking Christmas party. 😠 And this time, I’m sure she succeeded. 😢

Damian: Damn!...I don’t think there’s anything going on between Nico & my sister. She’s crazy about David! 🤨

Me: She certainly comforted Nico! I know him! And she’s his ex! 😒

Damian: I don’t belive! Otherwise she would have stayed with him all night, but she was maybe.... an hour? 🤷‍♂️  And she didn’t look like she was having a good time with him. She said, he’s a fucking asshole.

Me: Yeah, so what? Why did she stay so long when he’s such an asshole? I’m sure they had sex with each other. 😭 😭

Damian: Fuck, hell! 🤦‍♂️ ...  Please just give me Nico’s stuff and I’m gone!

Me: 😭 😭 😭 I hate him!

Damian: Yeah, I hate him too! 🤨 .... Why are you crying? Nothing happened! 🤷‍♂️ 😬

Me: Here! Take his shit and-....and tell him, that I never want to see him again! 😭 He’s just hurting me, and I don’t want any more of this!

Damian: I won’t tell him that.....And are you gonna stop crying now? Idk what to do? 🤷‍♂️  ...... I’ll give you a hug, okay? 😬

Me: ......Am...😟 😦

Damian: Is it better now?..... Should I let go or continue?

Me:........................ 😶 😶 😶 😨

Damian: Are you okay?.... Why the fuck are you silent now? 🤷‍♂️

Me: Please, just go away.

Damian: I’m so fucking sorry! Ok, thanks again and.... who knows, maybe see you again?  Oh, and yeah, if you see Philip, tell him that Nico will be in touch with him..... some time. 😕 Bye!

Me: Yeah, sure! Bye, Damian!

So embarrassing what just happened between Damian & me. I felt so uncomfortable when he hugged me, but I think, he just didn’t know how to act and he felt bad about his dumb twin sister. And as for Nico, I was so disappointed in him. 😔 But what did I expect? It was clear, that this would happen at some point.  And I realized, I can’t stay here!! Not yet!

Previous / Next

Start

[songofsaraneth]

an incomplete list of the Bullshit ive gone through this year (2021 only), for personal edification:

I am in grad school trying to do research as well as TA a lab class during a global pandemic

My car is broken into in late February outside of my apartment. $1700+ of my backpacking/camping gear and personal items were stolen from it. Ironically they did not find the $20 cash I had. 

Car battery begins mysterious dying if left overnight and have to call for rescue from AAA 4 separate times over the course of March. I suspect it is related to being broken into but can’t prove it without a mechanic’s diagnostics.

First mechanic I bring my car to does nothing for the entire MONTH they have it, except break my air conditioning of all things. I live in a desert. It is now 90º every day. At one point they call me to say they can’t get the back doors to open. I walk 2 miles back to them from campus and demonstrate how the automatic doors work on a 2005 minivan. I begin to have regrets about my mechanic choice but the sunk fallacy cost keeps me there for several weeks.

Mid march I also wake up one day to severe jaw pain/a weird “loose” feeling, like my mouth is slanting sideways. It is midterms and I do not have time for this, so I take a lot of ibuprofen and eat soup for a week. After 3 days I shove pillows and blankets around my face one night to keep my jaw aligned and when I wake up the next morning it is severely tight instead of loose, and I have to carefully stretch it open whenever I leave my mouth closed for more than an hour. I guess I just have TMJ now.

At this point I am walking everywhere until bike supplies arrive to fix my flat tire since the bike store is too far away to walk to; including walking back and forth to campus since I can only bring 2-4 out of 8 students into the lab spaces at a time and so effectively have to run each weekly lab 2-4 times per week; as well as going back and forth for greenhouse experiment monitoring/helping undergrads on our NASA contest project

Early April I go to the dentist for a crown on one of my back molars, which I must pay for out of pocket because my new dental insurance purchased when I moved last September has a 1-year waiting period and so will not cover it ($1200). Stretching my jaw open so far for the procedure reignites my new TMJ back to high pain levels.

While still waiting on car in mid-April I have a severe averse reaction to the second dose of the Covid19 vaccine, resulting in painful ulceration of all the soft tissues in my body (mouth, stomach, genitals). It is a very bad time for 3 days and I book an urgent care appointment for the first time ever.

Urgent Care nurse-practitioner does not believe me when I describe what’s happening, and misdiagnoses me with herpes.

I am still biking everywhere but now I’m extra mad and in pain about it so take car back from mechanic so I can get groceries etc. I make an appointment with the dealership but it will be a week until they can take it. In the meanwhile I have to drive it every 8 hours so it won’t die which means getting up at 2am to drive it for 20 minutes in the middle of the night so it will still turn on in the morning. 

I have a terrible reaction to the numbing cream given to me for the painful open sores over my body, because of a lifelong mint sensitivity, resulting in an even greater amount of pain

The dealership can fix my car over the following week but its $1800 and now insurance isn’t sure they want to cover it after all

Herpes test comes back negative and nurse apologizes profusely and recommends a non-mint OTC numbing cream alternative that works (yay) and a numbing spray that does not work because it turned out to use an alcohol based propellant which should not be combined with open wounds esp on the genitals (ouch ouch ouch). I try to tell the nurse why I was right about my diagnosis and she was wrong but she still believes it was a latent virus of some other variety and and not an immune response alone, despite the published case studies I have brought to back me up. I decide I have bigger hills I need to die on right now and stop arguing. Sores persist into May but eventually do go down and numbing cream keeps me moderately functioning.

Car is fixed and I can drive again but it takes 2 hours of crying on the phone to my insurance company for them to agree to cover the cost of repair

I make a primary care appointment for the first time in years so I can have a doctor in this state if something like this happens to me again, in June I do intake/bloodwork/set up appointments to check out some other issues ive been having

Grad school finals happen which i wont get into but Yeah. Finals stress triggers another outbreak of canker sores, but mostly clustered in my mouth and only 2 on my vulva rather than 8-12. I eat only soup for another week. 

I get a referral to the local mental health clinic and call about setting up an appointment for an ADHD evaluation. They tell me to download and send in some paperwork and they will call when they have available appointments

I am supposed to be doing all my labwork over the summer but the committee member I need escapes my clutches and we don’t manage to set up a meeting to plan it out/for him to explain the protocols until late June

Bloodwork shows I am critically low in vitamin b12 and low in D, which may explain some of why I am so tired all the time

Ultrasound shows a 1.8cm mass in the adnexa near my left ovary. There are several options for what it can be (folicular cyst, other kind of cyst, tumor, ectopic pregnancy i nearly laugh at my Dr and reassure her the last one is not possible if nothing else). It may go away on its own or it may not. Follow up scan in 2 months

I remember I was supposed to email forms to the mental health clinic and finally send those in mid July. It seems cruel to make me be the one to remember this considering I am calling about a formal ADHD diagnosis.

I also finally pin everyone relating to my labwork down and have a follow up meeting + make a list of what we need to order, but the staff who place orders are on vacation and when they get back several reagents are backordered

I have my follow-up ultrasound. The tech takes lots of photos which indicates the mass is still present, but I won’t know any details until my next PCP appointment when they send over the analysis to her in mid-August

Beginning of August the reagents I need for the first steps of the process arrive exactly 1 day before I leave town for a wedding and the lab manager is about to leave town for the entire next week

After the wedding, severe thunderstorms and tornados trap me in Chicago for 4 extra days. I spend a lot of time at the airport or on my way between the airport and my parents house. A facebook friend gets video of the funnel clouds which at least gives me something to sadly email my advisor and committee members when I have to join our planning meeting from my gate at O’Hare

I lose my drivers license at the security checkpoint on my last trip through the airport and don’t realize until I am boarding the plane because of course that is happening to me now

On the shuttle from El Paso back to Las Cruces after this ordeal the driver stops and picks up a box labeled HUMAN BLOOD and puts it in the trunk and i am too tired to care anymore

I stay up all night making the world’s most pitiful r graphs for my meeting the next morning and everyone takes pity on me and does not call out how useless they are

I spend the weekend trying to motivate myself to actually go into the lab and start my procedures, and fail to leave my apartment. This reminds me it has now been a month (Aug 15th) since I sent in my paperwork and the mental health clinic has still not called me back about up an appointment

I get overwhelmed with Everything and make this list

So that’s where I’m at at the moment. And this doesn’t even include anything from 2020 thats just been continuous like, y’know, a global pandemic and having a bad breakup of a 4 year relationship and moving to a new city where I know no one for grad school etc. I feel like I’m falling apart/unable to do all the shit I need to right now but you know what? Actually its been a really bad time and maybe falling apart a little is justified ;_; 

[asexualdynamics]

The following is mental breakdown I no longer wish to be reminded of 🫠

You know, when I do remember that I have a tumblr, I usually have a separate blog that I wrote on ever few months. That is, when I remember that I have. it but you know what, fuck it.

Hello. I'm the coward who cant talk to anyone. Just found wildly kind then vile messages in my inbox after not checking for months. Tried to reach out to someone else who wanted nothing to do with me, but I guess that's warranted. So I'm currently feeling like a unlovable piece of shit. Just a human to human thing, ya know. Just in case you were wondering. (But I'm sure you already knew that I'm a peice of shit so, moving on)

Oh but yeah!!! You wanna know how my life has been going??? ok ok well uh still 🌠suicidal and off my meds🌠 havent talked to a therapist in over a year because my insurance suddenly cancelled! Well why not just reschedule with ur new insurance?? Well, other than the fact that I will have to cycle through strangers and go through the whole process of unpacking my trauma and self depracation is an incredibly exhausting process, I work at a brain dead job that makes me forget what day of the week it is. so these past 3 years have felt like an unending painful blur!

Oh, I'm also living with both of my disabled parents who are a constant reminder of what a disappointment I am! They're not getting younger, just older and filled with pinched nerves that might paralyze them at any moment! Yes, both of them!

Oh oh, but what about my older sister? My one and only confidant I could tell anything to? Oh yeah, shess currently in a psych ward because she believes that there are voices in her head that are coming from the devil telling her the secrets on the universe!

And I feel paralyzed because I dont know what to do. On the one hand I can just smile and pretend everything is fine while working 40+ hours a week for minimum wage job that doesn't value me so I can pay off my debt. Or I could kill myself BUT THATS NOT AN OPTION! No, because even talking about it is so unfair, because by hurting myself I cause more harm than good and that is just so fucking frustrating.

What, do I just leave my family devastated that their youngest killed themselves after finding that that their oldest is experiencing hallucinations and delusions of grandeur? Do I just ignore all the emotional labor my friends have invested in me, probably also sending them spiraling in their already terrible mental health?

Am I supposed to keep relying on the two friends that I have left time and time again until they eventually leave me like the rest on my three partners did?

Arent I supposed to be taking this time to reflect on what messages these people left for me in order to make me a better person?

Okay okay!! let's reveiw. Hers what you need to know naomi:

Lesson 1: dont ever talk about serious things through text! You never know if someone is lying right through their teeth on how they actually feel about you. Turns out, you might not ever know how to actually communicate how you're feeling, ever! That's why she always kept telling you that she hated your fucking guts!! Its becaue you so emotionally immature and stunted so how could she ever want to associate with someone like you!? You will never be anything more than that, no matter how many times she says she forgives you and sees you as a person! You're not! You are lower that dirt! she was right about you, you socipath! You are an unsympathetic peice of shit!

Lesson 2: maybe learn to actually be completely self reliant for once instead of taking advantage of people's love and kindness again and again you stupid peice of garbage! That's why she left you! She couldnt stand that you made her feel like an after thought and only ever thought about yourself! Did you ever actually try to become a better person? Or did you just need someone else to hold your hand as you took baby steps towards being a barely decent human being? You selfish fucking bitch! You never did anything to make her feel loved! So why would she continue to do so for you?

Lesson 3: dont date coworkers! Even if they say that they will change and stop drinking and verbally degrading you! They might get drunk and aggressive and then sexually assault you at work, forcing you to stay quiet and participate, otherwise you might get fired! Turns out, even after reporting what happened, you still get a write up, even after bursting into tears explaining why you couldnt just leave your managers office for over 15 minutes! She will never contact you again and will never apologize for leaving mental scars that will take years to heal!!! But guess what heres a secret.

YOU. FUCKING. DESERVED. IT.

So that's how I'm fucking doing in case you were wondering. I cant even fucking kill myself because I'm waiting for a psychologist to call me and tell me about all the ways that I'm broken.

You're right. I dont deserve to be here. I dont want to be here anymore. I fucking hate it here.

I'm staying off of tumblr. I'm getting help, but right now I am not doing well at all. So everyone just fuck off.

[socialistsooner420]

looking at a treatment center for agoraphobia and

oh wow, only $80? AND the insurance companies designated to help finance my mental health "stay out of my private matters"?? wow thats great!

yes i know i said i hate the insurance industry, this doesn't change the fact that this is literally just shady as FUCK, acting like they're doing this out of some kind of "privacy merit" like fuck OFF this shit is so transparently meant to extract the most money out of you. by "not getting insurance involved" they're just admitting they're unregulated and only care about money.

also,

im fucking agoraphobic, you dicks.

I DONT FUCKING HAVE $80 BECAUSE I CANT LEAVE MY DAMN HOUSE LIKE WHAT THE FUCK

like seriously, this is supposedly a treatment center specifically for agoraphobia, and they don't see how fucked up it is that i gotta pay $80 that i dont have and even have the "courtesy" of "not getting insurance involved in my private matters" by having them pay???????

seriously im so fucking sick of the rampant abuse and complete neglect of agoraphobic people. im so fucking sick of being pushed around by pharmacies and doctors who say stupid shit like "wElL yOu GoT oUt Of ThE hOuSe To CoMe HeRe!!! iT cAnT bE tHaT bAd NoW cAn It????" like, fucking YES, ITS THAT BAD THATS WHY IM FUCKING HERE. AND DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT WAS FOR ME TO EVEN FUCKING GET HERE???

and most the time it seems like these fucking doctors dont even know what the fuck agoraphobia actually IS. like JUST FUCKING LISTEN TO US AND WE CAN TELL YOU!!!! im so sick of being shut down by my own psychs who i came to for help, just to be invalidated and told "well you probably dont have agoraphobia, you're out of the house right now" like ??????yes for help????????

and then theres family and others in my life that will say "well you still go out sometimes!" like, yeah. when i have to go get my medications or go to the doctor. sometimes im literally forced by my mother in law because she "doesn't believe in agoraphobia" (even though she believes in anxiety???) and constantly throws the examples of those times to guilt me about how im sick.

and i understand that agoraphobia is not very well researched, how could it be when

A) we're scared of being in social situations

B) the stigma that we're just lazy

C) the endless invalidation of our mental situation, being told that we're not "at that stage" of "anxiety", using examples of going out to seek treatment as a justification that "its not that bad"

and that third reason really pisses me off because although a lot of the time they do go hand in hand, agoraphobia is not a "level" of anxiety. its a similar but completely different mental illness that has anxiety as a SYMPTOM, not a cause.

i think im going to make an agoraphobia awareness post and just explain what agoraphobia actually is since no one seems to fucking understand what the fuck it is because this is just so ridiculous im so fucking sick of this shit. i deserve help too. all agors do. im sick of us being neglected.

[voidsentprinces]

Yeah thats what happens when business men infect the health care system. We pay like 20% to health care then have a threshold of having to pay 200 or more dollars for the insurance to kick in but over the years they weigh its actually more financially viable for someone to be sick longer and charge them exorbently for being taken care of. Ambulances, doctors, and all the equip cost no small penny to just turn on. Conservatives say we should be proud to have that kind of system. At this point our health care system is more of a glorified funeral home than an actual functioning humane system. Its not that rare for doctors to go come in maybe once a week and go on vacation for months. I hear Europe has its healthcare system more or less better put together than the US by a long shot. I wish I had your country’s reaction time but it is what it is. The way politics are going I don’t expect it to change in my life time. Democrats have deluded themselves into thinking the Republicans can be negotiated with. But the Republicans are mostly business men using religion and politics to keep their pockets lined and getting them to negotiation is like if a teacher told you talking to a bully with stop them from kicking your ass.

Fun fact, when I was in a car accident ten years ago, the hospital who took me in because it was closest to it, actually overcharged me. My insurance company under my mother at the time actually sued the hospital for me and I got 15k$ out of the lawsuit. But in the middle of a recession 15k goes about as far as 2$ in a super market.

But thats the state of...well...the states unfortunately.

[cuddledot]

I was typing out something very important in regards to my situation but my dumbass misclicked and had to start over, so I'll make it short. Minor tw for mention on domestic violence/abuse (implied):

[[MORE]]

Okay so March 10th is coming up soon, which is a court date. Whatever happends, I'm a bit nervous on the outcome but I'll be having some family support on the daye. Right now, I'm slowly picking up my feet and I'm just getting some support with aid me with stuff such as insurance.

I also want to say thank you so much everyone who donated and commissed me, I just want to thank you all for helping me keeping steady on the situation and boosting. If you guys are wondering how's everything going, it's slowly getting better. (I really want to return you guys a favor by a raffle event though I've been meaning to do a raffle event before, just something really unexpected happened during the time so I need to focus on my mental health and everything else.) Again, thank you for not only aiding me but your support and consideration. I'm deeply sorry you guys have to see me talk about my personal life on my art blog but I jusy want to let you all know that everything is getting under controlled. I'm still nervous as hell on the upcoming court date, about seeing my dad after what he did but its something I've need to get it done and overwith.

While everything is slowly getting handled, the offical commission list I had since 2019 needs to temporarily closed so I update a new list since the list is outdated and since I can't do 3D commissions anymore it'll be a good idea to close then until further notice while I make a new one. (It'll be a little hard to edit the lost on my desktop links on mobile but I'll figure it out!)

Transportation + necessity money aside, I'm slowly handling down my medical bill situation right now by paying little by little. As for the laptop situation, my brother will be assisting me on transfering files on a new affordable laptop I can find! So yeah thats pretty much it so far...

[prorevenge]

Be a jerk about fixing my car? hope you and your manager enjoy unemployment thanks to my dumb luck

Okay so, Few things to start. Im sorry this is long, but its a lot of information to lay out the story. i think the revenge is pretty sweet tho.

Secondly, English is my first language but I never did well with grammar, sorry.

Okay so the story.

In Jan. 2018, my best friend, his girlfriend and I all went out. we took my car, but I got drunk so my best friend drove us home. As we were approaching a round about, a driver from a side street pulled out in front of us then slammed on their brakes, causing my best friend to swerve, and hit the concrete median with both drivers side tires. We parked the car in a parking lot, and ubered home.

Next day I had the car towed to my personal mechanics shop. Insurance guy asses the damage and my mechanic gets to work.

He does everything he thought it needed, put it on the alignment rack, and found out that the engine cradle had been bent in the impact and it needed a new one. He didnt have the capability to do this, so they sent my car to a different company. lets just call it "ABC Repair".

ABC repair outsourced the engine cradle replacement to "Di*kweed shop AKA DS". Car goes, takes forever because the first cradle they got was bent, so they had to order another one from California. dude ordered the wrong parts originally. Dude gets the cradle in on the day my rental car coverage expires. as a single dad, i needed my car. Also, this whole time the manager of ABC Repair shop was not keeping me up to date on any of this, was dodging my calls, and anytime i did get him, he was rude to me.

So, guy busts rear to get it in that day, test drove, and returned it to ABC repair right before closing time, where i was waiting to pick it up. DS gave it a clean bill of health and handed over the keys.

HERES WHERE RUDE SHIT BEGINS

so the minute i left ABC shop that night, there was something wrong with the car. Since i have a bit of auto mechanic experience i assumed it was a wheel bearing. Next morning i call my insurance adjuster who tells me to take it back to DS and see whats up.

So i call him up, and say hey, its the dude with the engine cradle job, uhhh i think theres something wrong with one of the bearings.

DS : yeah, i knew about that.

ME : uhh... so why did you give it a clean bill of health?

DS: i was being rushed to return it, so i just said it was fine. It wasnt critical, so whats the big deal?

Me: uhh. okay, well this needs fixed. Are you sure you know exactly whats wrong?

DS: 100% right rear wheel bearing.

ME: okay, ill call adjuster and get it approved for repair. I have no more rental coverage, but i am going out of town this weekend and will not need my car thurs - sunday. I can drop it off then, does that work?

DS: sure no problem, see you thursday morning.

DS orders the bearing with ins. approval, and all is well. I go in thursday morning to drop off the car, and the convo goes roughly as followed.

ME: hey there, heres the keys. Now, if its actually not what you think it is, or theres more, PLEASE call me right away. ill call INS adjuster and get it approved since this is the only time i dont need my car for transporting my child.

DS: no worries. im positive its what i think it is. but if not, ill call.

I head out of town. have a great weekend, no call from DS.

Monday morning comes around, and i am about to head to pick up the car, when i get a phone call from my adjuster. He tells me he just got off the phone with DS and he was informed that no work was done on my car all weekend. I. was. livid. i asked why, and ins adjuster said he didnt know, head down there and talk to the guy myself. so i did.

I walked into the shop and dinged the bell. He walked into the office and said "can i help you?" as if he didnt even know who i was. Followed is the convo.

Me : Yeah, Ins guy tells me you didnt touch my car, what the hell happened?

DS: well, it was the right front not right rear bearing like i thought. so i couldnt do it work since the right front wasnt approved.

ME: but i asked you to call me if it wasnt what you thought it was, and you said you would. why didnt you call?

DS: well, whos paying for this, you or insurance?

ME: that doesnt matter, i asked you to call so i could get it approved while i was out of town. why didnt you call me?

DS: i dont have to answer you. it wasnt the approved work. i didnt do it. end of story.

ME: WHY DIDNT YOU CALL. I COULD HAVE GOTTEN IT APPROVED LIKE I SAID BEFORE I LEFT FOR OUT OF TOWN!

DS turns around, grabs my keys off the counter behind him, hands them to me, and says "take your keys, take your car, im done dealing with you"

I walk out, pissed, and across the street to his managers office and ask to talk to manager. on vacation until wed. i leave my number and ask manager to call me. In the meantime, i get car to original mechanic, who starts bearing repairs on all 4 tires ( approved by ins as a "were sorry" for DS shop experience) He also noticed that DS used the wrong strut in my car when he replaced the engine cradle, and didnt put the rivets back in the plastic wheel well liner, causing the tire to burn a hole though it. which insurance approved replacing both with the correct parts.

manager finally calls me at 445pm on wed after being busy doing "payroll all day"

ME: so do you know anything about why i am calling you?

DSM : no clue whats going on?

ME: begins to explain what happened when i returned from out of town, then state the strut was wrong and the liner was ruined.

DSM " interupts me he couldnt of ruined the liner by replacing the cradle

ME: oh so you do know who i am, what actually happened. (i never mentioned engine cradle replacement)

DSM: well, ill apologize for wasting your time, but i dont know what else you want me to do. sorry. hangs up on me

THE REVENGE

Remember that trip out of town? Well, on my return trip, i was bumped off my original flight, then bumped from that flight, to the one that finally took me home. I get on the plane, find my seat, put in my headphones and start to settle in. now mind you, i was out of town for a party, and i was wearing a themed onsie. a gentleman in a business suit sits down next to me. Im naturally an outgoing person, so i strike up a conversation.

ME: hey there, heading to destination for business or pleasure?

HIM : Business.

ME : what do you do?

HIM : im the regional vice president for ABC Repair company.

my eyes got huge. it was destiny. So i begin to tell him my current experience up to me leaving for out of town. the A-hole manager at his shop to the DS jerk they were subletting business too. VP was taking notes on my entire story, i swear his jaw was on the tray table. he was furious. He gave me his personal cell and email and told me he would be having a talk with the manager. he also had his company pay for 5 more days for a rental car since they ordered a used cradle and not a new one, which A-hole manager decided, didnt even ask my adjuster or me. which wasted 5 days.

The next afternoon, after i pick up my car and had that experience, i got a call from VP. He waned to make sure my car was fixed, and that he also found out there were more complaints about his manager who treated me poorly. the manager was hiding the complaints and they never reached cooperate, so he was fired.

I then tell him about my experience that morning with the guy not doing any work on my car while i was gone. That pissed him off too. He said he would be in touch.

after i talked to DSM on wednesday, i called VP back and told him what happened. He said thank you for the information and hung up.

About a month later, i had a question for VP not related to any of this, so i called him up, and i learned that they stopped giving their work to DS shop, and when the owner of DS found out why, he fired both DS mechanic, and DSM.

So thats my story. hope yall enjoyed. Moral, dont be a d-bag, be honest, and you wolnt get bit by karma.

(source) story by (/u/MajorMoron0851)

[writerman]

hi my man i got a prompt request for u if thats ok :) : modern au thranduil is gay and cant drive also he cant do math,,, we need stupid twink representation ;))))))

Thank you for this I need to write something light-hearted after my last prompt! I just want to let you know that I also cannot do maths and had to google the answer to this insanely easy maths problem. Also I can’t drive… because I don’t have a license.

So yah… read into that what you will!

This accidentally ended up being 2k+ words when it was meant to be shorter. Whoops!

---------

Tires screech followed by a crunch of metal colliding with metal.

A beat of silence before Bard cursed out loud from inside his car.

He'd been rear-ended and it sounded pretty bad, felt it too from the whiplash he was now suffering from being shoved forward by the impact.

Closing his eyes for a moment, Bard took a deep breath before removing his seat belt and climbing out of the car to speak with the other motorist.

Time slowed down for a moment as the most beautiful tall blond creature stepped out of their silver BMW and headed towards Bard looking almost sheepish at the damage to the rear bumper and tail lights.

Don't forgive him just because he's hot! Bard, don't forgive him just because he's hot. Just… don't do it. Boy, don't do it! His brain seemed to have sense but the brunet couldn't trust his mouth so remained silent as the blond approached still looking entirely horrified that he had caused such an incident.

"I'm so sorry…" The blond began, he was well-spoken and seemed genuine in his apology, though Bard wasn't sure he was taking in anything he said.

Clearing his throat Bard looked between his car and the others and sighed as though reluctant to say what he was going to propose to the other.

"I wasn't paying attention at all, and yes, I am well aware that I'm obviously a bad driver for that sole reason, but if you'd be so kind as to hear me out on this," He flipped his long blond hair over his shoulder as he spoke and Bard felt any hope for the situation slowly deflate and dissolve, he was just too in awe of the creature stood before him in a form-fitting grey suit and lavender shirt.... "Let's forget insurance companies and let me pay you for the damage outside of all that legal stuff, yes?"

Was he one of those millionaires that didn't seem bothered by any bill under 10,000?!

It was then that Bard realised the blond probably didn't have insurance. Out of frustration he rubbed at his brow his eyes closed hoping some semblance of sense could be gleaned from the man before him.

Though, really keeping the insurance companies out of this wasn't a bad idea. It could work out assuming this man gave him legitimate contact details.

"My name is Thranduil by the way. Let me… give you my number." He fumbled in his jacket pocket for something before eventually pulling out a phone, Bard followed suit and did the same, they exchanged contact info and Bard confirmed that once he had a price for the repairs he would call or text the blond.

He received a bright smile at this before Thranduil demurely said, "You know, if we hadn't met in such embarrassing circumstances I would have asked you out for a drink."

For a split second Bard was catapulted into a state of shock and he very nearly suggested they should do so anyway but he remembered he was meant to be picking the kids up from his ex-wife's apartment and all his sense and logic came flooding back.

You can't forgive him because he's hot, Bard! This is your brain speaking and you should really REALLY listen.

That was the end of that and Bard dismissed what Thranduil had said with an uneasy laugh before they parted ways.

When he finally made it to Mari's apartment he had to take a seat and explain what happened, and he was completely honest about it all. Even when he considered letting the handsome stranger take him out.

"Oh wow, you've had quite the afternoon then. Wish hot guys would crash into the back of me… wait… no, but still as Sigrid would say 'Big Mood'.

No idea if I'm even using that right." She dismissed her own words by giving a lacklustre flourish of her free hand, the other holding a take out coffee cup.

"He sounds like your type Bard, ya know, hot... and it wouldn't kill you to get out there and date even if he IS a dangerous driver. No one is perfect." Mari shrugged before taking a sip of her coffee. She seemed more understanding of the situation than he but it wasn't like her car had been banged up.

"Yeah… probably not gonna happen. He likely wanted to try and get out of paying for my car. Uh... where are the kids?"

"Not everyone is a skeevy loser trying to rob you, Bard. Kids are still at their swimming class, Jack will be home with them soon." Jack was Mari's husband, they met in Seattle while Mari was away on business, he was an all-round great guy and loved the kids. Bard had no problems with him. They’d shared a few beers and sometimes they talked sports, though Bard generally didn't have much to say on college football because they were in England and Jack hadn't realised that most people didn't care about American sports all that much.

"I suppose I'll hang around until they're back then. Oh… actually, I'll take the car to the garage and see if I can get a quote on how much the repairs will be."

Mari waved him off and he left without another word.

All in all the repairs wouldn't cost all that much. The bumper was heavily scratched and dented but some buffing and a paint job would fix that and the lights were easily replaced. It wouldn't be too expensive and Bard wondered if he should just forget about asking Thranduil to pay for it.

Instantly his brain whirred into gear.

Don't forgive him because he's hot!!!! He did this so he should pay! Don't let the hot man win!

Pulling out his phone Bard composed a text explaining the price of the repairs and that he'd be happy if he just gave him 60% of the bill.

Right away he received a reply.

[Guy That Wrecked My Car] No problem. But what is 60% of £300?

[Guy That Wrecked My Car] It's ok I'll Google it or something.

He's a dumbass that can't drive and can't do math… and, dammit, you think he's hot, Bard. Resist asking him out. RESIST.

[Guy That Wrecked My Car] Maths is so hard. I'm a busy man I don't have time to do this. Can't I just pay the whole £300 and you can buy me a drink or something and we can call it even?

For awhile Bard just blinked down at his phone, this man was clearly adamant in trying to take him out. Still, he knew he had to refuse…

Didn't he?

The phone began to ring and in his surprise Bard almost dropped the device, regaining his grip on it he answered the phone to hear the smooth voice of Thranduil floating through the speaker.

"Didn't you receive my message?"

"Yeah, sure did."

"Well?"

"Just pay me £180 and we're fine."

"What an odd figure to pull out of thin air." Came the annoyed response, Bard nearly hung up.

"Ah, sure, don't know why I even said that." Bard's reply drier than the desert but it went right over Thranduil's head who just huffed again down the phone.

"Well, let's meet up and I'll pay you. I assume cash is alright?"

Man, he sounded like a damn snob on the phone, much less apologetic than earlier and not as peppy as he was in his texts.

Something didn't seem right but Bard didn't really know this man well enough to confirm why so he shrugged it off and agreed on a time and gave him the address of the garage before disconnecting the call.

Weird guy…

When Thranduil showed up he was in an entirely different car than the one involved in the crash, and it took Bard a moment to realise, that in his haste to fix his own car, he hadn’t checked if the blond was ok or if his car had survived.

As he was approached by the beauty it was Bard’s turn to offer a slightly apologetic smile in greeting but it only caused the blond’s brows to knit together in confusion at the sudden tender gesture.

“I didn’t get to ask if you were alright earlier, you might have crashed into me but you still could have been injured on impact… I’m sorry that I didn’t check you or your car.” There was silence between them and for a second Bard believed that his statement may have been completely ignored until a dark pink blush bloomed over Thranduil’s cheeks and he looked away for a moment mumbling that he was fine and there was nothing to worry about.

“See, you say that but you’re in a different car and maybe you’re good at hiding your pain. I would feel better if you absolutely told me the truth. Are you ok?” He tried to offer what he believed to be a gentle smile as Thranduil looked back to him.

“My car was scratched but it remains in one piece and only requires paint to fix it. I am in good health, nothing hurt but my pride… I suppose.”

“Can’t handle crashing into someone and having to deal with it like an adult?” Bard joked he had hoped to coax a smile out of the blond but so far he remained stoic and he wondered if Thranduil had gotten into some trouble for the crash or was just having a really bad day that continued after their incident.

Either way, it didn’t sit well with Bard and he had no idea why.

It shouldn’t really matter to him if Thranduil was in good spirits or not, he was only really there to pay for the damage he had caused by being reckless while driving, whatever he had been doing to cause him to crash into a parked car… it must have been bloody well interesting.

“Strangely, not the reason for my bruised ego, I assure you.”

“It really should be why you’re so embarrassed, to be honest,” Bard muttered quietly as he accepted the cash and scowled when he counted out £300 rather than the agreed 60%- though, truthfully, Thranduil had not agreed to anything but to pay him.

“Do you really not know what 60% of £300 is?” He was counting the bills as he spoke but when he looked up he saw a faint blush creeping over the blond’s pale skin again and he guessed that maths really wasn’t this man’s strong point.

“Calculators were invented for a reason, you know.” Was all Thranduil said and Bard bit back a chuckle though he couldn’t quite hide his smile. Regardless of the way he spoke this man was quite adorable and he had to admit to his credit Thranduil did show up and pay the full amount, most people would have given fake details.

“You really don’t have to pay the full thing.”

“Let me do this, it’s bad enough you won’t let me take you out!” The blond fumed almost pouting like a petulant child over the fact he couldn’t persuade Bard to go out for a drink.

In his defence, he barely knew the guy but then again, getting a drink with him would mean talking and he would get to know him if they met up again. Did- did Thranduil was to take him out on a date that badly?

It wasn’t like Bard hadn’t been struggling to resist asking him out, he had been rendered speechless the second he saw him and even though they had spent a measly 15 minutes together in their entire lives… he did find him sweet.

Perhaps there would be no harm in grabbing coffee with him or a drink maybe even dinner?

Offering Thranduil a lopsided grin he threw his hands up as a gesture of ‘what the hell!’.

“Sure, let’s go out sometime. Coffee, dinner, whatever you want. You have my number let’s talk soon.” With that, he turned on his heel and headed back to the garage leaving a dazed Thranduil stood by his car brimming with excitement.

Mari was probably right.

Not everyone is a skeevy loser trying to rob you.

Sometimes they’re beautiful creatures who can’t drive and can’t do math who want to date you…

[flatstarcarcosa]

10-20 for you and rust or negan please!!!

i’ll do half and half!! o/ 

also putting under a cut b/c its long uwu

Negan:

What’s something you and your f/o disagree on?

we argue a lot about allocation of resources and also his ego. really dwight and i are the ones that run things behind the scenes, negan’s just the one who gets to do all the yelling. when the saviors were first becoming A Thing so to speak he was definitely in control and had the right ideas, but everything went to his head with being The ManTM and sometimes I have to try to remind him we’re supposed to be helping people, not just playing dictator. also I vehemently dislike the points system because it’s just Capitalism 2~~! and i think it’s imbalanced but I’ve yet to win that argument. 

Do either of you want matching tattoos? If so, what would you get?

negan thinks matching tats are cool, i think they’re really bad. im also not willing to risk getting sick and fucking dying off of dirty tattoo equipment no matter what everyone else is doing so that is an argument he never wins. (i personally also think he would be a big baby when it comes to getting a tattoo, since comic!negs doesn’t have any) 

Do you and your f/o like to dance together?

naaaah. i’m sure negan would go all soft for that kind of thing but neither one of us have any rhythm and i’m just not into it regardless. 

When (if) you and your f/o live together, what thing do you always have to have in the house?

toilet paper. a good portion of the odder things negan demands from people comes from him having seen me struggle (and in some cases get really sick) from not having it when it was just the two of us. he thought i was being whiny at first about the toilet paper until not always having it resulted in me getting laid out with a massive UTI  once due to the slightest less-than-sanitary conditions setting my whole system off. 

he’d rather other people think he’s a weirdo than watch me get that sick again. (he also doesn’t like me being that sick because it reminds him of lucille. he can’t do much when i’m already sick, but if he can prevent me from getting sick in the first place then he’s damn well gonna.) 

Who gets scared and calls the other to kill a spider?

MEEEEEEEE. negan doesn’t understand how the damn zombies don’t bother me but if we end up in a house that has spiders or roaches i will quite literally scream my head off. on more than one occasion he thought i was getting attacked just to find me scrambling up the nearest high surface and pointing at the bug until he does something about it. 

raid and ortho and other types of pesticides usually end up on the list of shit he expects his people to come home with. 

Rust

What’s a movie you and your f/o like to watch together?

jurrasic park. rust isn’t big on movies in general but he does enjoy a good flick about man’s hubris fucking everything up, and i for one, like dinosaurs and am gay for jeff goldblum so it works out. 

Which one of you spends the most money on the other?

rust probably by virtue of him having more money than i do. he has a steady job with CID, + lots of stashes of cash that he lifted here and there during his UC/Narco days. i on the otherhand am a “freelance” investigative journalist/photographer that likes fucking off and getting stoned. it’s a very fancy way of saying unemployed. he also doesn’t let me hustle people as much as i used to once i move in with him just because he doesn’t want to constantly be playing the “state police” card when i get into trouble because of it. 

come 2012 the situation’s kinda reversed. he blew through a lot of his money between his 8 year breakdown and subsequent obsession with solving the yellow king murder(s), and i ended up getting a stable office job because i needed that sweet, sweet health insurance. 

What animal can you and your f/o agree on being the cutest?

dogs. i also highly enjoy my pet frogs and think they’re adorable. rust insists he doesn’t like the way they look at him and that they’re clearly planning something, though he’s willing to admit the last part is probably just his paranoid tendencies. 

Who’s the best at comforting the other when they’re afraid?

we’re both pretty shit at it due to the fact that we’re on the same level of emotional incompetence. rust doesn’t admit to being afraid of anything (until his big 2012 revelation anyway) and neither do i. we just dig deeper into our maladaptive coping mechanisms and it becomes more of a question of who can pull the other one out. 

95 rust spends a lot of time pulling me out of mine, and then from 02 to 04 i spend a lot of time literally having to chase him out of his, and by 2012 im still cranky that i had to go all the way to fucking alaska to snap him out of it. we compromise for a bit and live off the grid in washington until he decides to head back to Louisiana in 2010. we both get a bit better after that, with him mentioning he’s terrified he wont be able to bring down the tuttles and their whole ass cult, and i have to make him realize that yeah, he probably wont. thats just how things are, but at the very least he can do something against them, which is better than ignoring the whole issue. he also has a lot of guilt after bringing down childress that he didn’t notice it sooner. 

“i talked to him,” is all he says sometimes. “he was right there in front of me and i had all of the information about the man with the scars and i walked away.” 

i have to remind him that at that point in 95 he didn’t have all the information and that as good of a detective as he is, he isn’t omnipotent and there’s no way he could have known the random dude on the lawn mower was the ‘green eared spaghetti monster’. 

Do you and your f/o play video games together? If so, what games?

it’s less playing together and more of rust just halfway paying attention as he works on other things. he gets into casual mobile games once they start becoming a thing, mostly puzzle games because they keep his mind occupied. a lot of times if i’m stuck on a mechanism in a game, like say the puzzles in uncharted or something similar, he’ll get exasperated with my frustration and just take the controller and figure it out for me. i get so annoyed that he can figure shit out in a game he knows nothing about in less than ten minutes after just watching me try and fail to open a hidden door a few times. 

Do you two like pineapple on pizza or no?

pineapple on pizza is DISGUSTING but rust is also not picky and will frequently eat it just to watch me gag. he’ll make direct eye contact and everything because he’s a sadistic asshole. 

also i feel like negan probably unironically loves it because he tends to have shit taste sometimes.