#they do not. lots do (and this may be a state requirement thing wouldnt be surprised) but not all. wasnt required for me it was just highly

[lokigodofaces]

being an american on here is wild because i keep seeing posts from other americans that describe things they've experienced and say that it is universal among americans and it'll be stuff i've either never heard of or know for a fact isn't true. maybe it's pretty common in your state or the states surrounding you, but there's so much stuff i see that i can not relate to whatsoever, and i've never left the states.

[sygol]

Lately, I have been considering doing acid. I have some experience from a few years ago, lets say 12 trips give or take. I'm wondering if you have any particular advice beyond the usual tips of set and setting when it comes to taking acid? Thanks for being a chill person and overall source of beauty and whimsy through my tumblr dash btw 🦷

with acid its really important to facilitate a calm and positive state of mind, because its very "flippy", i think acid requires more intention and you want to focus on what you want to get out of it, this goes for all psychs, but comparetively to tryptamines like shrooms or DMT, i feel those are inherently a lot more positive and euphoric, and thus easier to have positive or transformative experiences without as much applied effort, before dropping, meditate and resolve any anxieties you can and take note of which anxieties are societal or out of your immediate control, theres no point in dwelling on these or you may end up feeling doomed, its very easy to get caught in loops or spirals on acid as its very fractaline in the way it orients your thoughts, so stay focused in things you can improve, go about your daily life and figure out how you can make it better and focus on refining your skills in art or thought, do not go on social media or watch drivelling entertainment movies or do online shit, and be mindful of who you talk to or share it with, acid in particular has been used to brainwash people for a reason, also dont smoke weed, unless it's like a little hit later on when the acid starts to fade out (itll make the trip come back, but only smoke a tiny fraction of what you would normally, you can always wait like 30 minutes and do a little more if needed but you cant undo what youve done) the effects of weed+acid are not like any of the effects you will find with these drugs individually, and is a recipe for extremely nightmarish melty spiralling trips if you dont respect it, if you have someone you really trust it can be good to have a trip sitter.

but personally as an "advanced nutjob" when i do acid i do it alone and i get stoned as fuck and writhe around for 19 hours in hell, i wouldnt recommend this unless you really know what youre doing, but since i am strange i may be forgetting some other things that possibly people who are more "sane" might need with setting a trip, so do your research and ask around and listen to yourself, you know you best and acid will intensify everything about you

in severity truth becomes apparent, what you think is what you live, what you believe is who you are

[spikeinthepunch]

i was blabbing on my priv twit about SU and i still have more thoughts but i am putting it under a cut so you must choose to read it, and it you do dont be stupid about it <3 if you follow me and want to bring up old ass SU discourse you should leave. i am looking back and appreciating this show

i have noticed some ppl watch SU who havent before watch it now, and its nice seeing a number of folk be like "why were people discoursing about this?? its just a good kids show" which is totally 100% true, tho i hope ppl watching it are also aware of like.... how important that show was/is-- not even just for its LGBT rep but its story IS serious/has a lot of depth and does teach some very unexplored themes, and lessons.

people were overly serious and heated about the show in a way that was like "i expect these things because it already did [serious thing]! why arent they doing this!" but you cant deny the show dove into some serious territory and wildly out there themes that kids shows werent doing at all. the show was plot focused and it took all kinds of twists and turns- no one should be mistaken about that, its just that adult fans were stupid about it.

and alongside newer watchers talking about the show i still see a lot of it followed with "...but i know its flawed!" which like. yes, also true. but i think something i notice with that is that it feels like anyone going to watch the show has to put up a defense of like "i know i said the show is good BUT i need to say its flawed or else people will get mad and assume i think its perfect". and lets be real. what show is gonna be perfect? none really, but we dont say that for like... every other show we go to talk about. why do you have to put a disclaimer when talking about SU?? as if it almost feel required when talking in spaces where ppl may have Opinions about it, bc the fandom was often so toxic. its definitely because SU fandom still left that impression of constant discourse, and not recognizing its flaws meant (to them) that you endorsed all kinds of things that could be "bad" about it.... i really dont think its worth saying at all nowadays if we want to detach from the fandom 'that was'.

anyone who watches can gladly come to their own conclusion about that, but in the end i think many now wont have such a big impression about whether or not its flawed because it is a kids show, you know? wasnt that the point of revisiting it today? being softer on it than the rabid 2016 tumblr fans? i think many do feel that way, not affected by the fandom, but in the end i just find it important to not feel the need to validate those who would assume the worst out of something you never stated.

i mostly voice this because again, it kinda sucks seeing a lot of talk just be about new watchers surprised the fandom was so toxic because the show its just a nice kid show. cartoons as media isnt often (or at all) regarded in long history and its a shame because i think more and more people forget SU paved the way for so much, for so many shows and cartoons especially. and i think its really worth talking about SU without feeling the need to mention its "flawed" because even then i think the fandom really heightened/exaggerated those flaws.

its well written and it most definitely threw in lessons and feelings and explorations of things id never seen before that even as a not-child age was very important to see. honestly dont know what i would be like if i hadnt seen that show, and i wasnt a child and i took it seriously, and you should to some extent! you wouldnt be the same as those adults who got into discourse. its normal to have cared about that show.

basically i hope people dont forget those important as time goes on, and i think it is important to also seperate the 'stupid adult fan' from the expression and closeness to any peice of media on can have even if its a cartoon. its been a hot topic more and more to talk about adults enjoying kids shows- some more harsh and strict than others. i know its expected people will remember a shitty fandom but SU isnt even a bad show either. id hardly say its mediocre even for the ppl who dont care for it, bc it could still erase/take away focus from how it affected LGBT shows going forward and that alone is very important! idk where to end this now but i just had feelings. i detached from the fandom like in the middle of the show (or at least just stopped looking directly in spaces like tumblr) and i kind of missed any opinions ppl started forming but all i see now is a lot of recognition for the fandom being bad but not a lot of deeper discussion of what the show did in the end. there is so much to say about the show from a meta context and the development it had as well.

[call-of-duty-black-ops-cog1]

Call of Duty Black Ops Cold War cracked Archives - InstantDown

💾 ►►► DOWNLOAD FILE 🔥🔥🔥 In certain dark scenes NPC models will be entirely black such as Viktor Reznov in the gulag elevator scene, and the rat tunnels, again with Viktor Reznov appearing completely black. After installing the game on Steam Deck it will have an odd resolution. You just have to correct it in the menus. Make sure to tune down the graphics settings in order to make the larger maps playable, otherwise performance will drop and GPU usage will be maximized. Control inputs function okay through Community template that simulates steam controller, though all zombies maps crash a few seconds into their load screens. Campaign stutters, but is technically playable. Controller support is lacking and not enabled by default. I had to use the left trackpad as arrow keys so I could select items since the left joystick was not working in menus. I also tried to use the right track pad as a mouse, but that didn't seem to work in game. I had a few hitches here and there during gameplay, but I'm not sure how much of that is the game and how much of that is Proton. Even on the lowest graphical settings, I got major stuttering. Higher graphical settings made the game unbearable to play. Performance is far worse than on windows, had to turn everything off except texture quality to get more than 60 fps. DLC zombie maps Ascension, Call of the dead, and Shangri La require multiplayer to be installed otherwise will crash on load. Made it to level 31 on kino. Zombies would not launch at all black ops server was off? Been playing through the veteran campaign so far, no issues to report! Stuttering here and there but to be expected. Rather smooth once it levels out. Just generally lags a lot and framedrops constantly wouldnt surprise me if it suddenly crashed aswell. Hilarious artefact where the wire of the zipline in the first mission isn't rendered, not a playability issue. As others have noted, when the game engine goes to grab the camera for a cutscene it may drop some mouse input. Input was completely accurate, although did stutter at times, clicking "set controls to default" did help slightly, although the issue still persisted just less consistently. FPS drops, Unchecking "Sync every frame" helped slightly. When using black ops that now supposedly works with steam play for linux sometimes for me it just stops working and then I can't play it and it won't let me re-download it. I now just play black ops on wine steam as well as black ops 2. All I do in Lutris is set wine steam runner settings to lutris-fshack After that you can download the game through the gui interface of wine steam or manually enter the steam app id in lutris and use whatever runner for the game. I need to be able to see the gui of wine steam to enable steam input to allow me to play with my controller. The game runs fairly well after a hot minute when it's done compiling shaders with dxvk which takes a few minutes after a map is loaded. This method works the best for reliability and for me personally. Player and enemy weapon audio is missing only tested in multiplayer, likely present in singleplayer modes as well. Other audio, such as the announcer and RC-XD engine sounds, could still be heard fine. I used Proton experimental and i've activated the "precashed shaders" option in the video settings. As this title depends on the latest version of Proton Experimental you may run into issues installing it see my previous post for an outline. Sadly if your default install location isn't your bundles Linux one Proton might get corrupted into an unusable and even uninstallable state as it was the case for me. It required a full uninstall of steam along with manually purging many leftover files. Alternatively you may try to move the install into a new library location and then delete said library from your drive and disconnect it from steam to force Proton Experimental into an uninstalled state. When it works, it works well but as with many things when it breaks it can be a really bad time to set up again. Does not even install without massive manual work. It appears that some version of the game is downloaded and then patched before it runs. The patching function appears to run inside Proton, but crashes repeatedly on Proton Experimental and the latest stable release leading to a "Steam Servers are too busy to handle your request" Error Trying to get it to boot after the patch using Experimental does not work for me as the emulated C-drive is cleared when switching back. Manually inserting the Proton GE patched files into Experimental got it to pass the "Completing Installation" phase and launched into the first time setup. For a brief second the MS Redistributables window popped up with a progress bar and was skipped immediately, this happens on every launch attempt. After that no game window ever opens up and the "Playing" changes to "Ready to launch" again as it silently crashes. I'm unable to get log output and have been watching the processes start and die in the System Monitor. I've tested multiple Kernels, reinstalled the game and Steam and generally every reasonable thing like clearing Steams download cache and manually deleting cache files. The only part left for me to try is to install it in a clean Windows install and copy the files over after the patching process. Background trees in the campaign exhibit black flickering and artifacting in the form of lines extending toward the origin of the map. Framerate tends to stutter a bit during the campaign, even with shader warming enabled. Performance penalty seems slightly worse than typical for games running through Wine. I've tried to run Black Ops with numerous different versions of Proton in the past to no avail, but relatively recently this has come to my attention so I decided to give Black Ops another try with the Steam Beta client and Proton Experimental. It initially started the same as it used to with steam saying that it's running but no apparent graphical window to back that up, but after 15 or so seconds the game window appeared and the game ran relatively well minus first time cutscene rendering and initial shader compilation of course. I did not try Multiplayer yet but I felt like it was worth reporting that Blacks Ops at least in Single Player does in fact work now. My controller isn't really detected in just solo black ops, but in black ops multiplayer it was detected. Older Call of Duty games never liked any mice exceeding Hz polling rate, might be related to that since the lowest mine goes is Hz. Valve has added support for their CEG DRM in the latest steam beta with proton experimental, making the game fully playable from what i can tell. Everything worked great for me now, I was able to go in campaign, start playing and earn achievements! Whenever you Alt-Tab while fullscreen you get a black screen when you go back in, forcing you to restart the game. I had moments where my mouse would be slow, then speed up. Controller works perfectly it doesn't work in menus though. The vanilla game, with nothing done to it, it won't boot at all. Why rate this game bronze, if all we managed to do was crack it? This game shouldn't be rated anything higher than borked until the game works legit and with no cracks. ProtonDB is a passion project from bdefore and a dedicated community of reporters. Call of Duty: Black Ops. Natively Supports:. Massively Multiplayer. Story Rich. Great Soundtrack. Online Co-Op. Cold War. Deck Verified Status. HauptHakan 3 reports. Tinker Steps: Changed configuration. Control Layout: Switch To Official. Control Layout Customization: Grip Buttons. Left trackpad up and down arrows. HG Kigen 9 reports. Graphics: Minor Artifacts. Jenya reports. Control Layout Customization: Other. Difficult To Read Text:. Overall online : Excellent. Bretgrenz 3 reports. Performance: Slight Performance Problems. Performance is poor on higher graphics settings. Instability: Occasionally. Significant Bugs:. Tinker Steps: Switch to experimental. Installs: Yes. Opens: Yes. Starts Play: No. Schmitzel 1 report. Input: Controller Mapping, Responsiveness. ColdTrilogy 2 reports. Tinker Steps: Custom Proton. Performance: Significant Performance Problems. When not in combat game runs fps, but when in combat game runs fps. Overall online : Awful Really bad fps to the point you cant even play it. Custom Proton:. Distro: Linux Mint Kernel: 5. RAM: 32 GB. WORM 11 reports. Tinker Steps: Other. Input: Inaccuracy. It felt like the sensitivity was all over the place. Very frustrating. Proton 7 worked best but still very rough. Proton 7. Distro: Manjaro Linux. GPU Driver: 4. Quantum 21 reports. Audio: Crackling. Stutters, including audio crackling. Significant stuttering makes it mostly unplayable. Custom Proton: GE-Proton Distro: Pop! RAM: 8 GB. CPU: Intel Core i 3. DeZtro 8 reports. Overall local : Excellent. RAM: 16 GB. Tinker Steps: Switch to experimental, Set launch options. Opens: No. Proton Experimental. Audio: Missing. Graphics: Missing Textures. Some objects don't render. Mouse accuracy has frequent dips. Distro: Arch Linux. QR-Code 4 reports. Input: Inaccuracy, Lag. Distro: ArchLinux. Sasquate 25 reports. Input: Drifting, Inaccuracy. Input felt a bit off, and mouse sensitivity was very inconsistent. Significant stuttering issues, that go away after some play time for the most part. RAM: 48 GB. Mouse isn't precise at all, makes it really unconfortable to play. Distro: Fedora Linux 35 Workstation Edition. Sean 13 reports. HELLO 4 reports. Input: Lag. Game was very laggy especially when moving the mouse cursor. Instability: Not Listed. Alexis 23 reports. Frame dips, not entirely sure whether it's the game engine or not. Its a good game, the minor issues don't detract from the message. Proton 6. Meyhaps 3 reports. Overall online : Acceptable. Played using Proton 7. CPU: Intel Core i 2. Significant Bugs: Yes. Overall online : Didn't Work. Overall local : Good. Distro: team rocket os. RAM: 64 GB. Framerate stutters when you look around on both kbm and gamepad. Overall online : Good. Grimslade 5 reports. Anti-cheat issues appear resolved and now the game launches without issue as of Proton 6. Tyler 1 report. Everything seems to run fine apart from low fps between 20 - 90fps. Anti-Cheat: Other. Rider1 1 report. SpidFightFR 51 reports. Announcer and voice lines worked but weapon and killstreak audio cut out eventually. Distro: Arch Linux 64 bits. Dynamotivation 3 reports. Distro: Zorin OS Installs: No. This report was made in combination with the censored German Version from Steam! Butter Cat 8 reports. Graphics: Heavy Artifacts. Noticeable input latency during the campaign, not present in zombies mode. Game crashes when attempting to open Steam overlay. Run using latest Steam client beta and Proton Experimental. RebelPolygon 31 reports. Customizations: Something Else. Proton experimental. Distro: EndeavourOS Linux. Input: Controller Detection. It sometimes studders but overtime it decreases Overall local : Acceptable. Work perfectly using latest Proton Experimental. Fenteale 8 reports. Windowing: Switching. Everweird 2 reports. Have some feedback? Come chat with us! The New Dashboard Has Arrived. Search for a game Join us on Discord!

[theunconcernedembalmer]

what’s the issue with elisop? is it just bc you hc aesop as ace? im so concerned by seeing ppl adamantly opposed to mlm/wlw ships but im also genuinely curious about why you dislike it and other lgbt ships so much lol

hmm. that is a strong accusation, n i find it just a bit odd. are you new here? or perhaps you are taking personal offense at my dislike towards a favourite ship of yours and using the lgbt argument as moral high ground?

whatever the case may be, i thank you for asking. if u r truly looking for an answer, its below the cut n it is very very long. mind u these are all my personal opinions n i am in no way policing how others enjoy ships. just in case this wasnt clear; i dont wish to start discourse on this blog, especially since my takes are probably... unpopular.

firstly i would like to address the “disliking lgbt ships” bit, because this has very strong implications in itself. i have nothing against lgbt ships. i enjoy them, even. if the two characters have chemistry between each other, i ship it. however, the moment characterization is broken for the sake of romance, i lose interest. this is generally my stance on ships in general, n this applies for both straight n lgbt ships. 

the ships themselves are fine. however, i do have issues with the ship dynamics, so ill let u in on that.

i want to touch on mlm ships in particular; i believe u are familiar with the top/bottom dynamic that is rampant in these kinds of ships? (i wont deny that this dynamic can be found in other types of ships, but for arguments sake i will be focusing on gay ships because i feel that this occurs more commonly here) its such a popular dynamic that is prone to stripping the personality from one if not both characters, only for them to be reduced to being dominant/submissive. for a character to be pigeonholed into a stereotypical category based on... preferred sexual positions? its just downright insulting, never mind the larger more problematic implications of it. top/bottom is not indicative of someones personality, by the way. flattening multi dimensional characters into these stereotypes is so so so insulting.

unfortunately this is The Most Popular portrayal of just about any gay ship around. ive seen it being used everywhere in so many fandoms n it just about becomes apparent to me that ppl come to stories looking for a Ship. not the stories, nor the characters, just a ship. while id like to say theres nothing wrong with that, keep in mind not everyone is just looking for 2 characters that look pretty next to each other. if i ship something, i see interesting n meaningful interactions between 2 characters, which is so often not the case once u bring in the top/bottom dynamic. why is it so popular? because somehow this is what ppl like from a gay ship n hence it sells. ppl want the drama, characterizations be damned. ppl want to see the big kiss that happens in the end, n maybe the sexy parts that come after. characterizations be damned.

so u can say im a little wary of gay ships when they cross my feed. hell, as a joseph aesop shipper i see this trope everywhere n im pretty disappointed as well. small tangent but i feel like this is the reason why zh0ngli n ch1lde is so popular in g3nshin. i try to see the appeal, i really do, but after a long while of analyzing their respective characters i dont think they have as much chemistry as ppl think they do. dont even get me started on how incredibly ooc they make either of these very interesting n unique characters in ship portrayals. all because of the top/bottom dynamic that ppl want to see. i say this for that particular ship, but this is pretty much the case for a lot of ships out there, n the latter part is painfully true even when the 2 characters do have potential between each other. ill say it again im disgusted by the blatant disrespect to the characterizations if all ppl ever want is 2 pretty puppets to mush lips together. cos thats what theyre essentially reduced to this way.

n its so obvious to see when an artist subscribes to this rhetoric, because u can so clearly see it in the way they draw their characters. the “top” generally has sharper features to go with their “dominating personality”, while the “bottom” has disturbingly softer, feminine, dare i say sometimes child like features “to submit”. n thats where the uwu soft gay trope comes from, i believe. which, in case u still dont know, i hate with a burning passion.

so again for ppl with impaired reading comprehension, im fine with ships, including lgbt ones, but the moment u break characterization for the sake of the ship, im not that okay with it. u want to do it for a short crack comic? fine. but if thats the only way ur portraying the 2 characters then im immediately wary of ur content. ill still look at it cos usually the art is really good, but im very very wary. so im not “adamantly opposed”, just very critical of how the ships are being portrayed. if other ppl want to enjoy their ships like that, sure. just dont expect me to join in on something i dont agree on.

.

now id like to address not shipping “because i hc aesop as ace”. for ppl who are new to the blog (hello there), im an ace in a romantic relationship, so thats definitely not the reason i dont ship elisop. its more of being in a relationship has largely shaped my views towards romance as a whole. even before i met my boyfriend, i hated the romance genre in stories n media. most of it comes off as incredibly forced, especially those love triangles they seem to love putting into teen novels. thats one reason why i stopped reading when i was younger, but i digress.

did i partake in shipping when i was younger? i did. for a gay ship too (if anyone really wants to know, its kurotsukki from haikyuu. at least this was one that i can remember, i was mostly working on my 20 odd ocs for the longest time). i also used to write little short romance ficlets that i never posted anywhere cos i hated (n still do hate) my writing. but writing romance when u dont have experience was really just a way of projecting n probably a way of coping for myself, not that i knew at that time. but after i actually started a relationship with my boyfriend (whom i love n cherish a lot thank u very much), i began to see how much all these have skewed my views towards romance n have actually done some harm to our relationship. the bullshit that the general media feeds u constantly doesnt help in the slightest either.

quick topic shift to elisop in particular (about time, right?). i already stated that i only ship characters if i sense chemistry between the two personalities, n if u have seen the part where i dont ship elisop then u must have seen how agonized i am over not being able to have a concrete personality for eli. that is the main problem i have with elisop: eli does not feel like a solid character to me. n that is a huge problem, because if he doesnt have any defining characteristics besides being mild n nice, then he can be whoever i want him to be. (i have done this in my exorcist comics, i will admit this. n the fact that i can just do that... it really does not sit well with me personally.)

n that is dangerous.

back to young me doing lil ship things. i think its also pretty safe to say when u really do ship 2 characters, chances are u kinda really relate very very hard to at least one of them. that very quickly can turn into projecting, n shipping therefore is not “exploring the relationship between 2 characters” n it becomes “my preferred dating simulator 101″. of course this isnt always the case, but at least it was for me, n subconsciously it might be for lots of ppl too. n since this is ur mental playground, u call the shots, n there is no consequences if u slightly (or even entirely) alter one or both personalities to fit ur desired narrative. n u wouldnt even notice or know, cos ur blind to ur own biasness.

we bring our perceived notions into real life, im sure u know that. so when ur partner does not become that perfect knight in shining armour, or when they get upset at things that u do (which is a very normal thing by the way), n u think (very subconsciously), That isnt what my otp would do, something is wrong here (nothing is wrong, actually its just ur skewed perception of a stable romantic relationship). why wouldnt ur otp do this? because u are both halves of ur otps, there is no hidden secrets between them (apart from the pining part but thats irrelevant), n again they have been altered to fit ur preferred narrative. 

a real relationship requires a lot of communication between parties, because newsflash, liking someone doesnt mean that u have to like every single thing they do, they will make mistakes n it will hurt u, n guess what, the reverse is also true. if u do go with absoutely anything that they would do with 0 objections whatsoever, ur not crushing on someone, ur idolizing them, n that power imbalance is detrimental to a relationship. these things are not obvious to ppl, especially when the whole climate is hell bent on getting into romantic relationships by a certain age or some bullshit. communication is key n is pretty much the only way to solve relationship issues, because the other person has a lot that u r not seeing n vice versa. as similar as 2 ppl can be, i doubt u can have 100% the same thoughts on all things. i dont make the rules.

so in ur mental playground u focus on the fluffy parts, maybe there is communication, but rarely is there any meaningful conflict. thats unrealistic, n if u bring that mindset to an actual relationship, thats not going to end well. i say meaningful conflict, because yes, generally u shouldnt have conflicts with ur significant other. but inevitably when ur with each other for long enough, u will realize that there are habits that u must change in order to be with the other person. habits that are harmful to the other person directly, or harmful habits towards yourself that indirectly harm the other person. these are meaningful in a sense that if left alone, it will manifest into larger problems that will harm u, the other person n the relationship as a whole. its meaningful to the relationship.

all these is made even worse if ur neurodivergent. maladaptive coping practices, self sabotaging behaviours, inherent disabilities. all these must be adjusted n addressed. im so incredibly thankful for my boyfriend for being incredibly patient with me when working all these out, n it has not been easy for me to work on myself n all my problems, n im still not done working on them. this aspect is often not explored in romance in general (or properly), n there is a very good chance i would have still been stuck in the unhealthy mindset of “this isnt like my otp, maybe we’re not meant to be”. because loving someone is a choice. no one is made for each other, it is a conscious choice made between 2 ppl to make things work. this is how arranged marriages work, i am told, n i do see the appeal, not that it actually does appeal to me culturally.

special mention to the kurotsukki ship, cos from there i found a very, very good fic that explored their relationship before n after getting together, n it actually showed aspects of this problem in the incredibly slow burn of (at that time) 20+ chapters. it was just one fic (n a very good one at that, i believe it was called Leviticus), but it had a lesson i never thought i needed to learn, n learn it i did, with a lot of help from my dear. 

this is also probably the reason why i dont really want to delve too much into romance now. i know its a lot of work, n everything (mostly) that the media feeds u is really false advertising, but ppl eat that shit up n so it remains one of the most popular genres to date. im just very wary that if i do start on a romantic story, i want to be able to show it in a way like that fic did, the truths of relationships, because i dont want to make something that sells, i want to make something that meaningful to me, if a little indulgent. n that also includes being very careful in how the respective characterizations will change in a relationship. almost too careful now that i think about it, but its not something that i mind. i was never one for romance from the start, n now im very careful about shipping because of what happened to me persoanlly.

okay enough about me, lets talk about aesop. in any au u put the character in, the essence of the character must remain despite the change in environment. so lets say we have ur typical modern au. dead mom, check. shitty mentor doing illegal stuff? also check. autistic boy with social anxiety? we’re good to go. all these have implications on aesop as a character, n while ppl are aware of this, again the way they go about portraying it can go, in my personal opinion, very wrong. ppl who immediately woobify aesop completely because he has autism annoy me. ppl who reduce him to uwu soft boi cos he has social anxiety do not know how the disorder really works n as someone who has that i hate it to the core. ppl who do all these for the sake of ship have lost my respect. its insulting.

remember the top/bottom dynamic? not that elisop is completely free from that (even if i dont know much about eli, to put him in either one of those stereotypes feels very insulting to his character. i wont even say anything about doing it to aesop its so upsetting), but its not entirely made up of either. but now i want to introduce another trope i am very wary of, which is “i can fix him”. im sure u guys have seen the meme going around poking fun at this trope (for those who havent, its along the lines of “u can fix him? well i can be his worst nightmare”) n no doubt yall would have seen it n gotten sick of it in some forced hetero romantic bullshit. we have one damsel in distress with a saviour that solves all their problems just by existing n being romo with each other.

remember “my preferred dating simulator 101″? this is not mutually exclusive n from my point of view this is dangerously close to this trope. lets be real, if it was actually a thing that all ur deep rooted trauma magically disappears if someone were to waltz into ur life, we would want it. definitely. no painfully dissecting ur own problems n constantly facing them head on. real life states that this is not the case, but it will not stop us from dreaming. n so this trope is born n lives n will go on.

(finally) pulling aesop n eli into this, at least in my mind, u have one severely traumatized boy with lots of issues n u have this. nice mild guy who can be anything u want him to be. i hope u can see where im going with this, n thats the direction i see some elisop heading towards (i dont read a lot of elisop to be fair). if u came from my eli character talk, i mentioned that it is incredibly one sided. this is exactly what im talking about.

putting it all together in case u havent already, aesop is the damsel in distress, whose problems magically disappear because of elis godly kindness n little to no work on improving himself, n they lived happily n gayly ever after.

can u tell how much that does not appeal to me. 

never mind the butchering of character that inevitably happens somewhere somehow, the unrealistically perfect themes n implications of this trope makes me so viscerally uncomfortable. this is, of course, due to personal reasons, n i definitely see the appeal of this dynamic because i would probably have been interested in this once upon a time as well. but as i am now, with everything i have explained up there n everything i have been through, i would politely rather not.

n its difficult to think of another dynamic, because of how little i know about eli apart from him being this saint, which easily makes him a candidate for being aesops trauma panacea. never mind aesop rarely, if ever, does anything for eli as a character in return, n its so damaging to buy into this rhetoric, where a person like this who would solve all ur issues no strings attached exists somewhere in the world. they really dont. a relationship has to be mutually benefitting, or it will be draining n disastrous. maybe u say, Oh its nice to imagine it once in a while. n yeah, i agree, except once in a while is a little difficult to keep track of n that is sort of what happened to me. id rather stay as far away as possible from this kind of unrealistic fantasy, i just got this shit sorted out with myself n my boyfriend.

i have some other reasons, but theyre more personally problematic, so i wont go into them here. but this is mostly n generally why i do not ship elisop romantically. if u do, u do u, and have fun, but again dont expect me to join u. thank u for coming to my ted talk, this took a lot longer than expected.

[pseudophan]

can you tell us the summary of your love of your lives case? I don’t wanna watch the video I don’t have the patience to watch it

it's such a complicated case but in short(ish):

1993 in west memphis arkansas, three eight year old boys go missing and are later found murdered in the woods. the community is freaking the fuck out and because it's 1993 small town arkansas and satanic panic is sweeping the nation people go ITS SATANISM IT WAS A SATANIC RITUAL and the police keep interviewing this 18 year old named damien echols because he was into witchcraft and listened to metallica and wore all black (genuine points brought up in court like this is what the entire case is built on). im skipping some details here cause its all oh so convoluted but basically they eventually interrogate a 17 year old named jessie miskelley jr who confesses to the crime and implicates damien and damien's best friend jason baldwin (16, looks about 11). so then ofc they all get arrested

issue is: jessie is a minor with a reported iq of 72 and they interrogated him non stop for 12 hours with no parent or attorney present (his dad agreed to let them speak to him but they didnt tell him it was an interrogation) and less than an hour of it was recorded. jessie claims the cops coerced him into his confession and even on the 40 something minutes of interrogation we do have available to listen to you can hear the cops just continuously leading him on like theyll ask when this happened and he says a time and they go no the kids were in school then it was later wasnt it and he's like yeah it was [later time] and theyre like no it was around 8 wasnt it? and hes like yeah yeah it was then and it goes on like that foreverrrrr

ok im getting into too much detail here im sorry theres so much more anyway anyway TRIALS HAPPEN and its all a whole bunch of bullshit and hbo recorded it all for hit documentary paradise lost (watch it) and hhhooooooly shit!

theres way too much to talk about w the trial but besides everyone being fucking cracked and damien being a smartass and the judge looking bored out of his goddamn mind throughout the whole thing (FUCK that judge) one notable part that didnt come out until later is that during jury selection this one guy was hell bent on getting on the jury cause he wanted them convicted and not only was he let on the jury he became the jury foreman which goes against like every law cause juries are supposed to go into court with no preconceived notions of what happened. also jessie had a separate trial cause he wouldnt testify against jason and damien which means his "confession" wasnt admissible in their trial and the jury werent allowed to consider it, but the jury actively discussed the confession while making their decision (jury members have said they did + it was written on their goddamn whiteboard) which. h

ANYWAYYY so jessie and jason get life in prison without the possibility of parole and damien gets sentenced to death. damien is 19 at this point with a newborn baby. jason isnt even 18.

so then they go away and the documentary paradise lost comes out and everyone collectively loses their goddamn fucking minds cause how the fuck did this happen they didnt even have a single piece of actual evidence except a piece of hair that MAY match damien but also its the early 90s and they dont actually have a fucking clue

years go by, everythings happening so much, their appeals get shot down one by one cause its the same fucking judge and ofc hes not gonna admit any fault. the public suspect john mark byers (rest in peace he died like a month ago in a traffic accident, btw he also didnt do it but thats also a lot to go into. interesting guy, definitely inbred, violent tendencies but not a murderer) one of the kids' stepdads (technically adoptive dad cause he legally adopted the kid after he married his mum but hes generally referred to as his stepdad) of having done it cause hes fucking massive and is quite possibly the most colourful character ive seen in my life like that guy had no idea what was going on ever and he was hell bent on the teens having done it and wanted to kill them all UNTIL! until. 2007, they test the dna in the case and SHOCKINGLY turns out none of the west memphis 3's dna is anywhere to be found, the shit they had that could be damien's turns out to not even remotely match him in the slightest and suddenly theyre there like. well. now theres nothing. and yet theyre still in prison cause everyone who got them convicted is like NO THEY DID IT :) but the public outrage is so much by this point and finally they get to take it to the supreme court who take one look at it and are literally like ??? what the fuck happened here give them a new trial what the literal hell (theres a video of it their faces are literally so funny they all look like they absolutely cannot believe this required their help) so in 2011 they finally have the opportunity to retrial with a new judge but SUDDENLY the state of arkansas go um actually we are gonna offer you an alford plea which basically means they legally plead guilty to the charges while still saying they didnt do it and then they get let out but the state wont have to admit fault or reopen the case cause in their eyes these three are still guilty but theyre gonna let them out anyway cause that makes a whole lot of sense i guess. lol basically the state realised there was a real chance they could get exonerated in which case they were gonna get sued to hell and back and went FUCK give them a deal

now jason didnt want to take the deal he wanted to wait for the new trial and risk getting found guilty again cause he said this isnt justice for the kids cause the real killer or killers are still free and its not justice for us cause we have to plead guilty to save the asses of the system that failed us all BUT all three of them have to agree for it to be valid and damien's execution date, which he's already narrowly avoided on several occasions like its already been postponed multiple times, is once again coming up and if the new trial somehow goes wrong and hes sent back to death row he's gonna be killed so jason decided fuck all of that and agreed to the plea exclusively to save damien which ok ride or die king

i havent gone into who really did it cause once again there is SO much but the majority of people think it was terry hobbs (the stepdad of another one of the victims) including the kid's mother whos now his ex wife who he abused to no end. theres a Lot to this theory and while theres no concrete evidence cause they did a shittyass job with everything theres already more dna linking him to the scene than the teens. god i really wanna go into everything that points to terry being at least somehow involved but this has already gotten so out of hand

anyway follow damienechols on instagram all he does is post about witchcraft and cats. also watch the hbo paradise lost trilogy and west of memphis. and if u want even more details listen to the three true crime garage episodes on the case. also theres books. theres so much. i have so much more to say. someone stop me

[robin-hood-for-freedom]

I now present to you, my followers, the single worst article I have ever read.

TLDR: A supposed 'libertarian' is actually defending vaccine mandates.

This is actually so bad, I think its worth a full response:

If the vaccine causes no appreciable injury, can you still refuse to be injected, notwithstanding that you might be visiting significant risks on others?

For starters, thats a BIG 'if.' In fact, we know for a fact that there is a (yes very small, but not nonexistent) risk of serious harm from the vaccine in the short run, and we have no way of knowing if there will be harm 5 years from now.

But beyond that: The idea that not taking the COVID vaccine is 'visiting significant risks on others' is just...not true. Its pretty well accepted at this point that the vaccine doesnt prevent the spread of COVID, it just reduces your chance of having serious problems from it.

And that to me, is why vaccine mandates are dead on arrival. Even if we knew the vaccine was 100% safe(which is isnt), and guaranteed you wouldnt get sick from COVID(which it doesnt), it only protects you, meaning theres no 'externality' to not taking it.

Occasionally, however, advocates of limited government will condone directives to engage in benign activities (even when not cost-free) if failure to do so might cause injury to innocent bystanders. Safety requirements for nuclear power plants would be one example

This is actually a very high-level libertarian question that I dont think I should unpack here(maybe another post). But Its also not really relevant, since not taking a vaccine even if it did reduce the spread of COVID(which again it doesnt) isnt nearly as potentially harmful, nor as clearly intentional as, say building an unshielded nuclear reactor in the middle of a crowded city.

Punishing aggressive acts that have already caused damage is a routine government function. But it’s more complicated when government compels conduct that might minimize or alleviate future harm. That’s an area of the law — endangerment — where rights theory is difficult to apply. How much increased risk do I have to endure before your potentially malign failure to act can be redressed? When rights theory doesn’t provide adequate guidance, defenders of liberty often look to utilitarian, cost-benefit tradeoffs

I'm not sure I actually agree with this. But even if I did, it would have to be in the most cartoonishly extreme cases. Abandoning rights theory in favor of utilitarian cost-benefit analysis in anything less can lead to justifying all kinds of horrific shit. And applied too broadly can justify almost anything.

And, no I dont think refusing to take a vaccine(that doesnt even prevent the spread of COVID) comes anywhere near that level. To quote Jules from Pulp Fiction it ain't the same fuckin' ballpark, it ain't the same league, it ain't even the same fuckin' sport

vaccine mandates are nothing new. Wyoming, an indisputably conservative state, requires vaccines for 12 diseases if a child wants to attend either public or private school or a care facility, or participate in school-sanctioned activities.

A lot to unpack here:

First I'm against every single aspect of this, not just the vaccine mandates, but all the way down to the very existence of public schools. So this probably isnt the best example.

But even if you want to set that aside: Do you seriously not see a difference between a kid needing a vaccine to go to public school, and an adult needing one to go to the grocery store?

Also, I'm gonna go out on a limb and guess that every single one of the diseases kids need to be vaccinated for are more dangerous to them than COVID-19.

Oh and obligatory mention that the COVID vaccine doesnt prevent the spread of the virus.

More vaccinations would have slowed transmission and thereby afforded fewer opportunities for the virus to mutate.

The vaccine doesnt prevent the spread of the virus. So this is just straight up bullshit.

And even if it were true: the delta variant originated in a country(India) that hadnt had access to vaccines due to fuckery by the US government and pharma companies. So maybe you should be going after them instead of people who are understandably skeptical of a new medical treatment that we cant know the long term effects of.

Significantly, based on data from 40 states, persons fully vaccinated accounted for as little as 0.2 to 6 percent of COVID deaths, and 0.1 to 5 percent of hospitalizations.

While this might be argument for getting vaccinated(assuming those numbers are accurate, which I kinda doubt), its not an argument for forcing the vaccine on people. Since the vaccine doesnt prevent the spread of COVID, you arent reducing the risk to anybody but yourself.

Third, can we be sure that a vaccine mandate will remedy the problem? Put differently, haven’t we seen numerous breakthrough cases in which vaccinated persons have nonetheless been infected? Yes, but the key reason breakthrough cases are a growing part of the total is that we’ve vaccinated a higher percentage of the population. Most important, as noted above, people who are fully vaccinated experience far fewer hospitalizations and deaths.

All of this is completely irrelevant since the vaccine doesnt prevent the spread of COVID

Yes I'm getting tired of repeating myself, but this point cannot be emphasized enough: If you're argument for vaccine mandates is that not getting vaccinated poses a threat to others, then the fact that the vaccine dosnt prevent the spread kills your argument before it even begins.

Perhaps we should just wear masks and maintain social distancing. But the consensus is that the vaccine would still be necessary, and far more effective.

Funny thing, the CDC is saying masks and social distancing are necessary even with the vaccine because(say it with me now) the vaccine doesnt prevent the spread of COVID.

Perhaps natural immunity from contracting the disease is stronger than vaccine-induced immunity. But most studies say otherwise.

I feel like I should point out here that I've seen a lot of arguments from people on both sides of this question. And I dont have enough knowldge of immunology to be able to judge which is the correct position.

Although it wouldnt really matter if the vaccine were more effective than natural immunity, since it doesnt prevent the spread of COVID.

Perhaps a vaccine mandate can be geographically or demographically constrained. That’s an obvious consideration, which suggests that local officials be given substantial discretion in establishing the scope of any mandate.

I suppose that would be better than a national mandate. But even that much would be unjustified since the vaccine doesnt prevent the spread of COVID.

Or perhaps vaccinations could remain optional, but with restricted access to selected activities by the unvaccinated. That notion — a vaccine “passport” — has the support of nearly 82 percent of Americans, according to a recent survey.

In other news: 82% of Americans are morons who dont realize the vaccine doesnt prevent the spread of COVID.

(okay but seriously, given that almost half of all Americans arent vaccinated, I have to question the methodology of this survey).

 we are in the midst of a health emergency, which means that suitably modified, narrowly-tailored, time-limited rules may be justified.

This is a one-time thing because we are in the middle of an emergency is the justification for nearly every tyrannical act ever undertaken by governments. And to hear it coming from a supposed 'libertarian' is equal parts terrifying and nauseating.

Oh and the vaccine doesnt prevent the spread of COVID.

[thoughtfuldreamercreatorduck]

Underapreciated Yang Fact

Yang is by far my favorite character in RWBY (Yang stan till the day i die) but something i really Love about her is something i dont think anyone has ever Really discussed so far. So i am going to Talk about it.

The fact that Yang is Not a villain.

Okay i can understand why that may doesnt seem all that great to you or just confuses you maybe so Let me explain. And I ask of you to Take a Moment of your Time and Read the Post completely so you understand my opinion and dont Make any forgone conclusions.

It is painfully obvious that Yang has been through quite a Lot over the course of the series. Abandonment, mutiliation, PTSD and the list goes on.

In fact it is easy to View the series and EXPECT her to turn evil.

In fact it would fit the trope of the older sibling going evil and the younger sibling who is the "protagonist" Holding on to Hope and having to Stop them.

From the very Moment we found out that Yang is Rubys sister some could have ended up Thinking Yang will be her sisters final boss.

Going along with that something that we often get confronted with in Media is the idea that evil is Made. That the Most horrible People have Been put through the Most horrible acts. And the character of the "tortured badass" is so common at this point it is sort of what de have grown to expect when a character, especially One who started out Kind and loving, is put through suffering. How many times have there Been examples in fiction where a character has suffered and uses this suffering as an excuse for their own evil?

Something that goes Hand in Hand with that is the character being dissapointed or betrayed in a way by people they love.

It is very easy to view RWBY and come to the conclusion that Yang has Been failed by everyone and Everything she ever counted on and cared about.

Her birthmother Raven abandoned her at birth.

Qrow is a drunk shell of a huntsman who likely has rarely Been there for her.

Summer the only real mother figure in her life died and left her, not volunteraily but it still happened.

Taiyang became secluded and in his depression Left Yang to become a mother figure while still being a Child herself.

Ruby her sister who she raised abandoned her in Patch while going out and chasing some villain.

Weiss A treasured friend was just taken away.

Blake her Love interest (Deal with it haters) pretty much abandoned her After she received the biggest defeat of her life.

The law and state itself failed her through Ironwood and believing her to be guilty of attacking an Innocent boy.

Ozpins war affected Yang the Most out of all of Team RWBY and she Made it clear that she has no Trust left for her headmaster.

This is in some cases heavily oversimplified, for example that the reason Blake left we're more complicated, but at its core...

Every Authority figure failed Yang.

Everyone she loved failed Yang.

The World failed Yang.

With this Setup it would have Been very easy to turn Yang into a villain.

All that was needed was One last Step to have her get a Start of darkness. It would have perfectly fit with the cliche of every Bad person being Hurt and Been even somewhat believable with the requirements.

But IT DOESNT HAPPEN.

Yangs entire existence completely defies the trope that suffering makes a person evil.

Look at all the villains who Take something that happened to them as a excuse to Make others suffer.

One of the biggest examples would be The Joker from DC whos Core philosophy in 'the killing joke' is all it takes is One Bad day to turn any man and woman into monsters. He tries to prove it in said story with gordon and the series Injustice is all but build on proving the Joker right with the seemingly incoruptable SUPERMAN turning into a tyrannical dictator and using what the Joker did to him as an excuse for all the suffering he causes.

Yang basically looks ALL of them in the eye and tells them: "Youre full of shit!"

Yang proves that People like Joker are WRONG.

In the end being evil is a Choice!

No One forced Superman to kill an entire Planet.

People using their suffering as an excuse to harm others are just Bad people. Thats it! No tearful backstory justifies that kid you bullied til he cried, the Innocent cop you gunned down or that civilization you massacred!

Being Evil is a Choice weakwilled People Make because they cant Deal with shit happening to them.

But Not Yang.

Yang is the example of a character starring into the abyss and forcing the abyss to run back where it came from. She choses to Not Let what happened to her define her. She makes the Choice to Not become a Monster and to Not Let her pain out on others.

She immediatly hugs Ruby and tells her she loves her as Ruby stutters out panicked excuses.

She never blames Blake for losing her arm and has the heart to accept her back in her life.

None of these things would have Been done by weakerminded characters like injustice!superman.

Because the idea of evil makes you evil is an pathetic excuse People Make to Not feel like they are doing anything wrong.

It is also why i believe Yang in particular has so many haters. Those haters are likely people who have Been through MUCH less than PTSD and loss of limb. Yet whatever happened to them they use as an excuse to be assholes in real Life. Thats why they hate Yang. They can Not Deal with the fact that there is someone SO MUCH BETTER THAN THEM. They want her to be as pathetic as they are because than they dont have to feel like what they do is wrong. Yangs very existence violates that idea and they cant stand it!

If you hate Yang (in which Case why are you Reading this i publish this in the Yang tag) youre Most likely an asshole who cant accept that Yang is capable of being a good person.

Yang is just so much better than Most of us are in real Life. I am completely okay with admitting that she is a better person than me. I dont Think i would be capable of even half of the Things she did.

Yang is the Kind of character i Aspire to be. And if everyone would feel the same than Maybe this World wouldnt be this fucked up.

Yang is One gigantic example of just why that entire trope is bullshit. Another reason as to why I believe it is so meaningful she is the One to bring Adam down with Blake.

Adam is this trope to an Extreme. He makes the World suffer for what it did to him. And his Fans obviously latch on to that. They use the Brand as an excuse as to why he can be allowed to do all the Bad things. That is also why so many Adam stans hate Yang (One of many stupid reasons). They See Yang and See that she is better than Adam in any possible way and LOATHE that.

Yang DESTROYS this overrated trope.

And its One of the many reasons why i stan this woman till the day i die.

[somnilogical]

no shelter

some of you may have had occasion to run into transfems preforming cryptographically secure tests for cissexism and to wonder therefore how they got that way, and here, in partial explanation perhaps, is a story of the one transfem, somnulence logencia:

(mostly cut and pasted from messages to my friends)

i called this homeless shelter and asked if they had any rooms and they said they did and to come on in and then when they saw my id they were like "how about you go to the mens side" and i was like "how about i dont want to be raped" and they were like okay and told me to sleep in a foldable cot in the entrance room. with a harsh white light on all night, i stretched it to two nights and then they kicked me out and said they had no room.

a thing about being oppressed is theres so much opportunity for snark because things are obviously fucked.

they were like "no one can come in to your room you are safe here" "so no one can come in to the main area with my cot?" "er, no, people have to pass through there to use the restroom" "i seeee"

anyway they told me they couldnt house me because suddenly they were full. i looked at a checklist for rooms that they had ppl sign and some but not all of the room numbers were highlighted. and at the end of everyone signing their names none of the nonhighlighted regions were signed except for where i signed my name next to 'cot'. a day after they told me to leave because they were full i asked my friend to call them and check if they were full, and they gave them the same answer they gave me, that there were a few openings in the upper bunks.

i talked twice in private with the most empathetic looking humans i could find that i thought the other people were turning me out asap (instead of after 45 days which was their printed policy) because of discrimination. and they both said that it was because they were full.

this isnt a shelter that really does one-day stays.

--

during my ""intake"":

"this is a christian organization so we have to ask you some religious questions. ~so how do you feel about christian stuff?"

"well christians tried to forcibly convert my grandmother-"

"sounds bad, not something jesus would do"

"..."

"well this is a christian organization so if you are staying here we do require you to go to chapel so i dont want to hear anything about "forcible conversion""

because you, the homeless person, choose to sleep there and consume their resources you see!

i dislike arguments of the form "oh but how could be horrible when we give people cookies and fluffy pillows? does that seem horrible to you? i think you are miscomprehending this entire situation somni."

they forced us all to go to christian religious services 2x a day weekdays, 1x a day sundays. and if you missed them 3x they kicked you out. and when an old lady fell asleep during services they poked her and when i said "let her sleep huh? :)" they were like "nuh uh" and poked her some more until she woke up. clockwork orange kinda stuff.

they had a rule about only wardens being able to let people in from outside which i defied to let someone in who everyone knew was staying there, but the warden was on lunch break. she thanked me. i told her these rules were unjust, she would complain to the wardens that everyone would violate rules about eating food in their rooms.

<<May a church or church-run business/non-profit discriminate against me?

Under California law, there is no religious “exception” for discrimination in housing or public accommodations. This means that a religious-based hospital cannot deny you care just because you are transgender, nor can a religious-based homeless shelter refuse to house you as the gender you identify as.  HOWEVER, certain religious organizations and religious educational institutions are not subject to California (or federal) non-discrimination laws.>>

https://transgenderlawcenter.org/resources/know-your-rights/faq-the-gender-nondiscrimination-act

they lied because they expected that i would sue them into oblivion if they told the truth.

--

i want ppl to see the structure of this sort of thing. like the details. its not true that everyone does this all the time. it is actually hard to tell when this is happening.

at this point i am very paranoid about this and i still believed they didnt have rooms with ~10-30% of my heart, enough uncertainty for the test to feel like it could go either way before i performed it. because of the way their body moved and i talked with multiple people in private and they didnt stumble over their words or hesitate.

like i practiced noticing the difference between [peoples words and social affect] and [what they were optimizing for] on homeless people who were less intelligent than me. where they would be like "i am not sexually attracted to you, that would be like being attracted to my child you are like a baby to me" while also feeling up my thigh and back. hear the smooth words and see their disconnect from actions if you took them as veritical.

and after specifically training for discerning this i was still uncertain.

im now even more paranoid about this sort of thing (in an alternate universe where the test failed and the person on the other end of the phone said that there were no open beds this would be evidence against gaslighting and i would update to a human whose coarse features look less paranoid from, i guess, the point of view of someone with less accurate beliefs whose perspective im internalizing in my description because i still apparently have outside-view security holes).

you know i got along fine with the other women in the shelter. lots of them were half-crazy black women and thats relatable. like one of the people was making >100,000$/year before she had a psychotic break and issues with schizo for 10 years. at least thats what she said and i actually belive her.

a cis woman there was threatening to fill a bag with rocks and bash someones heads in as a means of conflict resolution.

only issue was with wardens who saw my id & decided to break the laws of this state to follow the laws of their religion. remember when emma was there with me and i said she was a transsexual too and they were like "its not illegal" yet they acted like it was because they wouldnt house me and lied about why. throughout all of this, except for once, they called me "she" and "her" and yet acted like i was a ~violent male~.

spent the first 20 minutes of "intake" "processing questions" crying because they were being transphobic and processing it by making wry replies to their questions wasnt enough to parse through this. i was crying when they took my photo and entered me into their database as part of "processing me".

the missionaries took great interest in my native american ID.

--

i initially walked up to the building on the mens side and people prevented me from coming in and escorted me to the womens. because sex segregation. and then i go to the womens side and they see my id and suggest that i go to the mens!!!

its important to see beyond the surface level emotional performances, to be able to conduct tests that discriminate between different possible optimization targets.

[old-read-all-about-kpop]

hello may i request a stray kids reaction to there S/O practicing witchcraft thanks love-Witchy anon / 🌙 anon

A/N: Wait. With you putting your label, does this mean I have my first anon who I can identify with ease?? If so sksjsbskksnsk!! Anyway, this idea of yours is really interesting. I would have never thought of doing this kind of concept. I stan your brain love! I hope you enjoy my take on writing it! 💓

Chan

You were making a potion that would heal Chan’s sore throat. He was being a big baby and refusing regular medicine so you had to pull out your mini caldron and brew him a “peculiar tonic that tastes good”. His words exactly in his sick state. You added the last ingredient and stirred. You then spooned some in the medicine cup, pouring the right amount as if it was a normal medicine.

“Here, Chan. Drink this and you’ll feel better in minutes.”

“Does it taste good?”

“I don’t know. I didn’t taste it.”

“Why not?”

“Chan I’m not about to play 21 questions with you. Just drink it.”

He started whining. “It probably tastes more gross than regular medicine! I wanted it to taste better!”

“Chan, I will not hesitate to turn you into a sloth and have you drink it!”

“You wouldn’t do that to me.”

“…”

“OH MY GOD YOU WOULD, WOULDNT YOU?”

Woojin

You guys were dealing with a lot of bugs in your new home. There were mainly centipedes and spiders that crept around your house, and you hated it. You hated bugs. So, you thought of a solution. You decided to cast a spell to kill any that could be hiding/lurking around your home and to repel any that might try to come near your house. The minute they passed by the threshold of your home, they’d die.

“Babe, is it really that serious that you need to cast a spell to keep the bugs away? You know I could protect you.”

“I know that, Woo. But you’re not here all the time. And, besides, they don’t come out when you’re around. They wait until I’m alone to attack. So, this is war.”

“Sooo you and the bugs are having a war?”

“Yes. They started it, and I’m gonna finish it.”

Woojin simply kissed the top of your head and patted your back. “Good luck with that, babe.” He chose to keep his comments to himself and decided to just let you be, chanting spells to cast away harmless bugs.

Lee Know (Minho)

“Baaabbbeee, I said I was soorrrryyyy!” He continued to bang on the glass. But it was all in vain.

You simply sipped your tea, welcoming the silence. You were being petty but you didn’t care at that particular moment.

Minho, in his usual adorably hyper manner, was poking your face. He was trying to get your attention. But, you were indulged in your reading. So, he decided that he was gonna snatch the book out of your hand. Unfortunately he ended up knocking your black tea out of your other hand, causing it to spill on your brand new book, staining the pages.

You snared at your boyfriend. As if knocking your tea out of hand wasn’t enough, staining the couch and your clothes, but then your book just had to become stained as well.

But, now you sat on your now-clean couch, reading your now-clean book, all while sipping a new cup of tea thanks to the tidy spell you casted. And it was all achieved while you casted the glass prison spell on your boyfriend. You weren’t gonna keep him in there long. Half of the thirty minutes you wanted him locked up already ticked by.

“Baaabbbbeeee!”

Oh how you loved the soundproof prison. You blew Minho a kiss, not hearing his whines and complaints.

Changbin

“Sooo you think this is funny?”

You were red in the face, falling over from laughing. “I’m sorry! You look adorable though!”

“Change me back, y/n.”

You pouted. “But you look so cute.”

“I’M NOT STAYING LIKE THIS! This tail is making me feel like I have a permanent itch between my butt cheeks!” He whined out the last part, his ear twitching. You almost squealed from how adorable it was.

You threw your head back and groaned. “Fine!” Suddenly a lightbulb turned on in your head. You grabbed for your phone.

“Oh no! Don’t you dare!”

“It’s for memories.”

“That’s what your brain is for!” Changbin ran out your shared bedroom, refusing to let you get a picture of him in this form. The guys won’t ever let him live.

“Changbin, please! If you let me take a picture I’ll change you back!” You yelled, running after him.

“I’d rather go out in public looking like this then allow you to take one hundred pictures of me! Because we both know you are not going to take just one!”

You cackled as you tried to corner your pretty kitty.

Hyunjin

The space of the living room was filled with Hyunjin’s lovely laugh. He was feeling kind of down that he couldn’t get the tone of his rap right so you thought you could cheer him up. So, with your wand in hand, you created bubbles that resembled his members. You made them animated, doing silly dances before disappearing in the next ten seconds. You’ve been doing this for a while now, your arm feeling a little tired. But, with the sound of your boyfriend’s joyous laughter, it was worth the pain. You didn’t mind sucking it up if it meant hearing your favorite sounds.

You suddenly felt a pair of lips on your cheek. You turned, being met with Hyunjin’s beautiful eyes. His gaze was gentle and rich with love. Love that was only for you at this particular moment.

He gave you a chaste kiss on your lips. He pulled away with a big smile. “Thank you for doing this for me, baby. You really brightened up my mood.”

You blushed. “No need to thank me, babyboy. I’d do anything for you.”

“Anything?”

You gave him a questioning look. Were you about to regret your choice of words?

“Then…could you create a fire-breathing dragon?” His eyes held child-like hope and expectation.

You chuckled. “Of course, baby.”

Thrilled to hear you accept his request, Hyunjin cuddled into your side. He patiently waited for his mind to be blown by your amazing talent.

And that was how you spent the afternoon. You took as many requests as Hyunjin gave you. The gloom that hung over his head was long gone, and you couldn’t be happier.

Han (Jisung)

After Han decided to dye his hair a different color after coming out of nowhere with the blue, you were sad. You didn’t feel as though you got acquainted enough to blue-haired Han.

It was in the middle of the night when you were playing with your sleeping boyfriend’s fluffy hair that a brilliant idea sprung into your mind. A smile that almost looked identical to the Grinch’s spread across your face.

You slowly separated your body from Han’s, careful not to wake him. You grabbed your spell book from the drawer of your nightstand. You flipped through tens of pages before finding what you were looking for.

Weaving your fingers through Han’s hair once again, you muttered the spell that would surely present you the outcome you deeply desired. Your eyes grew to the sizes of saucers as you watched the strands of your boyfriend’s hair shift. In seconds, his hair went from orange to the beautiful black-blue color you fell head-over-heels for.

You smiled happily, landing a kiss in Han’s hair. You admired your work. Before you would fall asleep you would make sure to change his hair back to its former color. As sad as the thought was, you didn’t wanna risk raising any suspicions.

Maybe you would even make this a nightly thing. For a second you pondered over it, soon enough agreeing to the idea as you marveled at your snoozing prince.

Quickly you reached for your phone, choosing to snap a picture of him. It could not be avoided.

You put the photo as your lock screen before changing Han’s hair back to its former color. You watched as each strand transformed back to the lighter color. It caused a satisfying feeling to envelop you.

You put your book away and rested you head on top of your boyfriend’s. The slow breaths Han took began to lull you to sleep. With a final kiss to his temple, you let sleep take over your senses, a small smile present on your lips.

Felix

(I love this gif so much 😂 You gotta love flirty Felix)

You were getting ready for you and Felix’s date. With your wand in hand, you had your entire wardrobe on display. Whatever you didn’t want to wear was placed back in your closet neatly.

Right now you were faced with three outfit choices. Finally you decided to wear the most casual-looking one, since Felix said it wasn’t gonna be a date requiring a fancy getup.

But then you were faced with another dilemma. The color wasn’t working for you. It was a dusty rose, and even though you initially liked it when you first bought it, now it looked unappealing. So, you whipped out your wand, knowing an easy solution to your plight.

“Babe, are you done yet?” Felix’s deep voice could be heard behind the door. He slowly enter your shared bedroom, freezing immediately after entering.

“I’m almost done, love. I just need to change the color of my top.” You were indecisively switching between blue and green. You huffed in annoyance, wondering if you should just give up and find a different top to wear.

“Go with the green, darling. It’s your color.” Felix smiled warmly, catching your eyes in the mirror.

You changed the top to green, squinting at the top. He was right, the color did well for your skin tone. Earth tones always served you well.

“Alright, let’s go.” You grabbed Felix’s hand, kissing his cheek as well. “Thank you for your assistance, baby.”

“No problem, babe.”

Once you reached the front door, he asked you a question. A devious glint was in his eyes. “So…what else can you do to your clothes?” He wiggled his brows with a smirk.

You scoffed. “Boy, if you don’t…”

Seungmin

Seungmin was beautiful in your eyes. You complimented him all the time, causing the young man to bashfully thank you. You just couldn’t help but to gush over how handsome he was.

One day, your boyfriend was looking really good. You felt as if compliments would not suffice nor be able to fully express to how much you were affected by his beauty. So, you decided to do something extra.

He was in the bathroom, spraying cologne on his body. You smiled, unable to contain your excitement to, firstly, see his gorgeousness again, and, two, to execute your plan as Seungmin’s hype man/girlfriend.

He then began to leave the bathroom. You hurriedly grabbed your wand and shouted a spell, startling your boyfriend.

Over his head, a flurry of rose petals fell over him from thin air. He couldn’t help but smile at your silliness but he also couldn’t help looking a little perplexed. He knew that you never pulled out your wand unless it was absolutely dire. So what was so dire about having rose petals rain on him?

“I know you’re more than likely questioning me and my mental state so let me explain.” You sat up, a full-blown smile across your face. “You look really really good today and I felt as though I needed to something a little extra to fully show you how handsome I think you look.”

Seungmin’s cheeks reddened like strawberries. He couldn’t help but let out a laugh, feeling extremely shy all of a sudden. You simply admired him further. You gave yourself a mental pat on the back for a job well done.

Seungmin calmed down after a few more moments. His cheeks were still painted red. He smiled shyly at you, looking more precious than ever. “Thank you, y/n.”

You smiled from ear-to-ear. You ran over to him, wrapping him in your arms. “You’re welcome, handsome.”

Seungmin chuckled, embracing your lithe body tightly. You were a silly witch, but he loved you more than life itself. 

I.N (Jeongin)

All day you’ve been walking around Seoul. You were shopping for groceries, toilet paper, paper towels, face masks (sheets for Jeongin and wash off ones for you), and new toothbrushes. You hummed quietly to yourself, a small smile present on your face. You were so happy today that Stevie Wonder could see your chipper mood.

Once home, you started unpacking your purchases. You placed them at their correct places around the house. Once done, you decided to prepare supper. You knew Jeongin wanted some fried chicken, so you decided to go with that as tonight’s menu.

You were working hard in the kitchen. You made ramen and cracked two eggs in it. One would be for you, and the other for JeonJeon. Almost all the chicken was fried. And then the ramen was simply simmering. You decided to wake up your boyfriend.

You peeked in the breast pocket of your shirt. In a cute ball, your precious boyfriend was sleeping soundly. You were in awe that he’s been asleep all this time; you were sure he would have stayed awake from all the movement that you were doing. You didn’t really wanna wake him up the longer you stared at him. But he had to eat. He had practice in the morning.

You craned your head down. “Jeongin,” you whispered. “Wake up, baby.”

He mumbled something before curling up in a tighter ball. Your heart squealed. You tried again in getting him to wake up.

“Jeongin, baby, the chicken is getting cold. You gotta eat.”

Upon mentioning chicken, your slumbering boyfriend woke up. He wasn’t fully awake but he wasn’t sleeping either.

“Come on, baby. Let me get you out so you can wash up.”

Jeongin nods his head. You grab him gently and place him on the floor. With a snap of your fingers, Jeongin grew back to his height right before your eyes. He smile sleepily at you. He then rubbed his eyes with the heels of his hands.

“The food smells good.”

You chuckled, flipping the last pieces over in the oil. “Go and wash up, babyboy.”

He nodded his head before placing a soft kiss to your cheek. You fought off the blush that was about to take over your cheeks. Luckily, your sleepy boyfriend didn’t notice and had left the kitchen.

You couldn’t help smiling with contentment. You had the perfect day, having your boyfriend right in the comforts of your pocket. Nothing could possibly beat today.

[centaurianthropology]

The Magnus Archives ‘Sculptor’s Tool’ (S04E06) Analysis

What a … lovely episode for Valentine’s Day.  You can always count on this podcast to bring the horrific weirdness right when we need it the most.  Come on in to hear what I have to say about ‘Sculptor’s Tool’.

The statement itself was fantastic.  The Spiral statements are always ones that lend themselves to having Jonny’s imagination run wild, and this was no exception.  I also appreciate that it seems to be a story of a woman who seemed to have been a stay-at-home mother for a university student, whose wife worked, and who got bored.  So she was an avid goer to adult education classes.  It was again nice to see how TMA quietly handles LGBTQ representation. I especially appreciate having representation of older individuals, because the LGBT elderly tend to be altogether invisible, and often forced back into the closet in order to get care.

But that’s me getting on my soap box.  Suffice to say, having a middle-aged-to-older queer woman as the statement giver was quite lovely.  

It was also fun to have a statement that kept me guessing for a long time as to which power was in play. Sculpting and art initially struck me as something for the Stranger, but the twisting shapes and the looping almost-fish and the manipulation of perception eventually took me down the Spiral’s route. It all seemed far too much like Father Burrough’s experience, and though Gabriel isn’t Michael, they seemed akin.

And then, of course, Michael did show up.  Well, not Michael, but the Distortion.  Michael wasn’t yet Michael, at this point, or he actually was Michael and not ‘Michael’. Yay Spiral confusion.  Gabriel, if I have to guess, was another avatar like the Distortion, and his sculpting the door may well have been a part of the Spiral’s ritual.  

His relocation to Sannikovland definitely seems to be evidence for that.  If he had gone there to assist the Spiral in the ritual, he may well have been there to help create the structure in which the ritual was to be performed.  It would seem a good job for a Sculptor.

Or a Worker in Clay, as Michael would go on to call him.

And it sounds like whatever was occupying Gabriel was also starting to work its way into Deborah. Both from the way that Jon sounded less and less cogent as he read the statement, and the revelations of what really happed to Mary, her fellow student, I have a genuine fear that the others in the class were always ancillary, and that she and Gabriel were locked together in this dance the whole time.

It makes me wonder if there’s a new Sculptor, now that Gabriel’s dead, and if he  even predicted the need to have a backup.

Back in the Archives, hearing Jon speculate about how he still finds what Gertrude did to Michael to be sad was relieving.  No doubt he’s looking back on his own failures to save Tim and Daisy and wondering if it makes things better or worse that he didn’t mean for either of them to die.

For my part, I do think it’s better.  It was Tim’s choice to die.  He got to dictate when and how.  He got to save the world willingly, rather than as a frightened and confused pawn like Michael.  It gave Tim back the agency that Michael was denied.

And his concern for the others continues.  I find it interesting that Melanie refuses to see Jon, but will still see Basira, when she was the one to insist that Melanie not be told before the procedure.  Jon’s quite accepting of this, and likely understands that they’ve been through a lot together.  Perhaps Melanie is more willing to forgive Basira than him after all that.  Or perhaps she simply sees Basira as less of a threat.

And then, of course, there was the end, where we get a little more context about Martin.  As some people suspected, he’s made a deal with Peter Lukas to keep the others safe, although what that might be is … questionable.

Peter talked about striking a balance, and I wonder if he’s not trying to make Martin some sort of hybrid between the Beholding and the Lonely to stop something.  It’s unclear what, as Peter talked about the Watcher’s Crown as though that wasn’t the real concern.  It was just Elias’ side project that distracted him from a bigger problem.

It also somehow involves Adelard Dekker, which makes me wonder if they aren’t trying to stop the rise of some new power.  That is, of course, if Peter’s being honest about there being a real threat, and this isn’t just an attempt to convert Martin from the Beholding to the Lonely.

That does seem a distinct possibility, given that he seems convinced that their plan requires Martin’s isolation to work.  I wonder how much of that is getting him enmeshed in the Lonely, and how much of it is keeping him from talking to Jon.  It’s likely both, as Martin clearly wants to tell Jon what’s happening. Peter’s attempted manipulation of Martin to convince him Jon wouldn’t listen is particularly galling, knowing that, in Jon’s current state, he probably would listen.

It’s especially ominous, considering that Peter has told him that after whatever it is they do, Martin won’t want to tell Jon anything.  This implies that, if Martin does commit to this, Martin will become enough of the Lonely’s creature that all regard for Jon will evaporate.  He’ll ‘save’ everyone (again, questionable) at the cost of any and all connection he might have to him.

And that’s dangerous. Connections are what’s anchoring Jon so well.  His regard for his friends, even in absentia, is making him more human than he has any right to be.  If Peter did sever Martin’s connections to Jon and the others, I really worry that Martin could rapidly fall into being a monster.

But it was encouraging that the Beholding is starting to show interest in Martin in retaliation. Perhaps it wasn’t able to get to him with Jon comatose, but now that he’s back, the tapes are rolling around Martin as well.  It may even be that the Beholding is trying to find a work-around to let them communicate. After all, with Jon’s powers growing, how long will it be until he simply KNOWS what he hears on the tapes?

And it’s also encouraging that Martin isn’t happily playing along.  Whatever’s happening, he thinks it’s necessary, but he also hates it. And he doesn’t trust Peter any more than he trusted Elias.  He wants to work with Jon, and only started working with Peter because Peter convinced him Jon would never wake up.

With the tapes rolling and the Beholding possibly pushing back against the Lonely’s hold on one of its longer-serving archivists, I think that there will be more to this conflict than Martin simply playing along to his peril.  Whatever bargain was made, and whatever threat looms, I have the feeling that Jon will get himself tangled in it.  After all, if the last season proved anything, it’s that if there’s trouble, Jonathan Sims will find it and land face-first in it.

[lordessa]

Digital Discourse Analysis Essay

Digital Discourse Analysis Essay

Sarah Rogers

In a world dominated by images, our social media has become less of a text based platform, but a society of visuals. Pinterest is the most dominate image-only social media website that specifically creates a board of ideas that inspire people to create and achieve. Pinterest demographics are interesting as they are diverse, mostly women users, between the ages of 18-49, Pinterest is able to cater to many age types due to its easy availability and plethora of categories to cater to any type of interest. The animal community across all social media platforms is huge, especially on Pinterest, but there are few actual Pinterest accounts solely dedicated to animals alone. Because of this, I decided to create a Pinterest account of my dog, a cavapoo spaniel, and see what the outcome would be, and the kind of audience I attract.

It is common to see on Instagram and Twitter dog accounts with millions of followers, but since Pinterest has few original content users, I wanted to create something uncommon and see where it took me with the communities response. I found that original content creators must produce extremely edited, visually appealing, unique images in order to be seen, and that Pinterest, even with its laid-back features, requires original content posters to compete heavily within an app that has millions of appealing images. The more edited my posts became, the more unique I made my captions, the more followers and attention my page received.

Pinterest is a community that values visuals, new trends, and anything that inspires the user to go out and obtain whatever they are seeing, whether it be a hiking destination, an article of clothing, or, like my account tried to accomplish, the perfect dog. There is a huge expectation for Pinterest that I never realized as a user before. The images are so fluent and forever coming, your feed is constantly being refreshed with visuals, and unlike instagram and twitter, the captions are not visible until investing into clicking onto an image if you really like it that much to see it up close. The value Pinterest holds is high quality, aesthetically pleasing or hyper-visuals that elicit an emotional response of therefore need or desire. I found that I needed to make my images highly edited and “trendy” in order to appeal to users and get a following.

A very fluent fact about Pinterest is that it draws in a lot of income for a small scale, simple social media platform. Pinterest has a value of $5 billion, and the average user, according to the Sprout Social article “15 Pinterest Statistics Every Marketer Must Know in 2018”, has a household income of $100,000. Thus, Pinterest has a huge ability to draw in money for its users, a lot of images when clicked on will redirect you to the website in which it is sold at. With more spending power from its users, Pinterest is able to help brands get recognized, and make a huge amount in income. If you find a cute top, the perfect decor item for your house, or even a car that interests you, there is a link to the website that is selling that item. In my case, I found that many of the animal pictures found on Pinterest will either direct you to the official instagram account of that animal, it’s business website to be used in forms of media (movies, commercials, photoshoots), and most interestingly, breeding websites that sell the animal. For owners that are looking to sell their animal in some way, Pinterest is an ideal social media marketing tool. For instance, I found my dog breeder on Pinterest, as I was looking up pictures of Cavapoos. The group of Pinterest functions more as a mass visual marketing tool more than it may appear. When closely examining my life, I have bought many of my clothes, homewear, and other items after seeing them first on Pinterest.

Pinterest has a heavy mode of persuasion. With its carefully edited pictures usually pinned at the very top of your page, your standards while using the app are incredibly high. Their pictures create an emotional response of  want and desire, just like instagram, we are seeing images of perfect lives and sparkly objects, just this time, it's more focused on the product rather than the people. The article, “Why Pinterest makes no money but is now worth 3.8 billion”, makes the point, “Pinterest is perfectly positioned for high value, targeted online and mobile advertising. After all, it's a site where people go to pin pictures of what they want to buy, wear, decorate, visit, eat. That can be served up on a platter to advertisers -- they can market straight to the consumers they know want them. Furthermore, they'll be doing the marketing while the consumers are imagining life with similar products.” The ecommerce aspect of Pinterest is what attracts these big brands to produce and therefore take over with miteciosuly edited pictures of items that everyone will want. In the animal world, its deception of being a harmless pleasure of looking at cute cats and dogs works perfectly. Interest inspired me to get my dog and if I were not to have been scrolling through pictures of highly edited cavapoos last year, I wouldnt have a pet. Pinterest is a purchasing planning app in every single way, all of my Pinterest saves are of items, getaway’s, and even food I wish to obtain at some point in my life.

There is no way to really interact on Pinterest, so some users feel as if it solely for marketing, and that they are breaking the bank while using it. There is no direct messaging, however there is commenting featured, it's hard to see and only available when you solely want to see the comments, is such a process that the whole entire app is simply used mainly to see and repin. Pinterest is very much so a personal social media, it is not interactive like other platforms are based largely on, therefore that can cause good and bad responses. A lot of users feel almost bored scrolling endlessly through a feed of products/ things to buy, it's like an extensive online shopping experience, which can become draining. The reason that Pinterest remains so small and a “background” app, is because of its solitary confinement, its non interactive approach. Humans crave affection and interaction with other humans, seeing what your friends are up to on instagram or reading what your family members have to say about the world on Facebook is much more appealing to social media members, thus Pinterest remains an app that struggles with growth, with 250 million active members, compared to twitters 320 million, instagrams 1 billion, and facebook’s 1.7 billion user leading record.

The goals of Pinterest remain fair and realistic, CEO Ben Silbermann does not charge brands to market their goods on Pinterest, but they do for promoted pins. Promoted Pins will be featured on feeds that are frequently interested in whatever specific brand that might be, it will be featured on their feed even if they don't follow the brand. Pinterest has therefore created revenue mainly from brands that use the app as a marketing tool, thus Pinterest will grow into basically a huge online shopping platform, with more interactions for buying and selling than ever before. Most recently, Pinterest has launched a “shop the look” tool that enables users to see different versions of the item they want to buy, from different sellers, “A Pinterest user can tap a blue circle on an element within a Shop the Look pin to pull up recommendations for similar items she can buy from a brand. For instance, if a pin features a model wearing blue jeans and a T-shirt, she can click on the jeans or the T-shirt.” states Digital Commerce 360 article, “Pinterest Dives Deeper into E commerce”. Pinterests goal for expansion incorporates all elements of modern online shopping. Customers do not want to go on a particular website and try to navigate through what they want, in this consumer America, with short attention spans and large spending habits, many do not  know what they want to shop for, they just know they want to shop. Pinterest allows users to feel as if they NEED something they didn't know they needed all along, with its feeds that consist of different items, styles, and vibes. The overall goal of Pinterest is to become the most sought after app for brands to sell their products, thus making revenue by charging for featured pins that are spotlighted on every feed across its user base.

I found that my comments on my posts were very buyer-based. With comments such as “where can I buy this dog?” or “what breed is this dog? I have to have it!”, if I were actually using my page to promote my cavapoo in some way, whether it be stardom for movie appearances, sponsorship for pet gear/ clothing, or breeding, I would be drawing in revenue. I had the opportunity to generate an income through simply posting pictures of my dog, which automatically turned him into a product. My pet became a point of interest, he became something sellable. This theme of consumerism within social media reveals a lot about our society and its values. No matter how wholesome we make our accounts, no matter our intent, we will be marketed to or have the opportunity to market. Social media is the future of marketing, it is what will be the main source of sales for companies. Originally, social media was created to connect with friends and family, now, we see adds everytime we scroll through our feeds. Pinterest capitalized on that theme of social media, and made a business from it. Pinterest is just one giant platform of ads, and it is interesting to see how much time, money, and thought we contribute to it. I evaluated my time on Pinterest through the settings app on my iphone, and I found that I spend roughly an hour and thirty everyday scrolling through Pinterest.

It is uncanny how our society is so drawn to marketing and easily influenced by things, the trends in our time are constant, fast paced, and ever changing. Pinterest is so attractive and still standing because it underlyingly  mimics societies values. I found through doing research for this paper that everything that I did on Pinterest was to inspire other people to have what I have (my cavapoo). I was unknowingly selling my dog, inspiring people to become pet owners, much like what happened in my case.

After learning about Pinterest's goals, everything made sense, the comments, the followings from dog clothing companies, and the following from other pet pages. Pinterest is a brand based social media, and its values heavily highlight what our society values, too. I felt as if I had to appeal more to my followers with every post, I started caring about they way I edited and talked in my captions. I unknowingly turned my account into a more marketable page for my dog, without even realizing that Pinterest is essentially used for marketing. This explains a lot on how we use any other form of social media, are you posting for yourself, or to get recognition from others for some sort of gain?

Bibliography:

Chen, Jenn. “15 Pinterest Statistics Every Marketer Should Know in 2018.” Sprout Social, Sprout Social, 29 Aug. 2018, sproutsocial.com/insights/pinterest-statistics/.

Stambor, Zak, and Stephanie Crets. “Pinterest Dives Deeper into Ecommerce.” Digital Commerce 360, Digital Commerce 360 | Internet Retailer, 8 Feb. 2019, www.digitalcommerce360.com/2019/02/08/pinterest-dives-deeper-into-ecommerce/.

DeAmicis, Carmel. “Why Pinterest Makes No Money but Is Now Worth $3.8 Billion.” Pando, Pando Media, 23 Oct. 2013, pando.com/2013/10/23/why-pinterest-makes-no-money-but-its-now-worth-3-8-billion/.

[bbydullxx-blog]

Restaurant billing software india

Food Bill Northeast Philly Councilman Brian ONeill would like to ban sidewalk sellers. The legislation receives the approval votes that are required, it'd be the district ban, which makes food trucks illegal in most the Northeast. The ban targets school food trucks that are old selling cheese and egg sandwich alongside other meals that are fast. Common in Center City alongside dense segments of the city, these carts are setting up shop on corridors in his automobile district, he said. The companies do not belong in his district and draw on business away from brick and mortar institutions, he said. You've a completely different atmosphere, said ONeill, who's the only Republican district councilmember. 

Buy restaurant billing software india. It is suburb thing. You never see vendors outside shopping malls in suburbs. They wouldnt have it. Constraints that targeted select division of ONeills district are expanded by the legislation. The invoice has not been contested by any council members and it is improbable that a district issue will be intervened on by legislators. The move sets a precedent which may harm vendors said proprietor of the Cow, Matt Rossi and the Curd meals trucks and also president of the Philadelphia Mobile Food Association. Since the city limits us as much as where we're allowed to be, It's tough, said Rossi, who owns Nicks Roast Beef on Cottman Avenue. To be shut down in an entire district are continuing to make it a challenge to conduct business within the city of Philadelphia. ONeill says he only lately learned that the district into the south west of his now represented by Bobby Henon banned outdoor meals sales from the entire district back in 1998. It is probably something I must have done a while ago if I'd known I may do the whole district, said ONeill. The way my business regions are set up, you can just park in the street, from the parking lot and also not pay rent. And after that you're competing with a business that's paying rent. But if ONeills bill passes, mortar and brick restaurants in other portions of the city may pressure other district council to impose more sweeping limitations. Rossi stated thats an issue - The hilarious thing is I own a restaurant. And it does affect my business, so I see ONeills point, Rossi stated.

[sciencography]

Long overdue update!!

At long last the much promised and oft delayed blog post update that I've been promising off and on for MONTHS. Going to cover a huge range of topics here, therefore nothing that I cover will get extensive depth or attention. Will cover the App Store status, nControl, chimeraTV, electraTV, uicache / ldrestart recent changes / snafu, DalesDeadBug update, cycripter and any known issues that are occuring with any of the above. Will also include a link to a handy tutorial for saving OTA blobs for the 4K AppleTV, just in case we find a way to make them useful!

Saving 4K OTA blobs covered by idownloadblog:

nitoTV App Store

This is several months behind schedule, and at this point its pretty much entirely my fault. I still need to do some payment processing work on the amazon front regarding declined cards / failed payments, etc. Im going to be looking into this immediately after i finish writing this post. 

If you hadn't noticed the new nito.tv website launched at the same time chimera(TV) did. You may have also noticed a beta code for people to help beta test it before i finally launch it, there is no way to get this code yet, not until i finish the payment work I mentioned above. Off the top of my head, this is the only thing holding us back anymore. 

nControl

Obviously nControl was released a few months ago, to resoundingly positive response (thank you!) It's available on chariz repo for 10$ and is currently my only source of income, so all purchases are greatly appreciated! If you need any additional details about nControl in general I kindly redirect you to the exhaustively documented wiki page that I maintain on the subject: https://wiki.awkwardtv.org/wiki/nControl

The tvOS version is only available through patreon and i'd actually prefer that people no longer go that route, patreon makes it WAY too much effort to get the money they owe you so I massively regret doing that in the first place, just didn't want to launch iOS and tvOS separetely and honestly thought the store would wrap up shortly thereafter.

chimeraTV

For the first time (potentially ever) the tvOS jailbreak was released in tandem with the iOS version of the Electra Teams *OS 12 jailbreak. This was a momentus occasion and was a large source of me being delayed from focusing on completing the nitoTV App Store. Its a rock solid jailbreak (especially with latest release) and I'm quite proud to maintain the tvOS version of it. It covers 12.0 - > 12.1.1 on tvOS, this is due to the fact the Apple staggers version numbers between iOS and tvOS for some unknown and maddening reason. For instance (12.1.2 on iOS == 12.1.1 on tvOS). It drives me just as mad as it does the rest of you, but it's been like that since the beginning of ARM based AppleTVs (send gen +) So I doubt it will ever change.

Candidly it was a bit of a challenge to get AppleBetas awesome UI to cooperate on tvOS but i'm glad iIforced myself to use the same code as much as possible (lots of ifdefs), since its written in Swift you can imagine the fight I put up to avoid using the same code base for the UI stuff. Eventually I acquiesced (yes I do make concessions!)

electraTV

Wow it's really been a long time since i've updated this blog (sorry!) electraTV was released several months before chimera (well the initial versions were, the 11.4.1 iteration wasn't THAT long ago) The electra jailbreak covers ALL versions of 11 (11.0->11.4.1) In its latest jailbreakd2 based iteration it is incredibly stable and reliable. Not much else to say about it!

uicache / ldrestart changes

I wasted most of last week fighting against issues with ldrestart. If you aren't familiar with ldrestart it is responsible for running after jailbreaking or loading any new Tweaks to make sure anything they may inject into gets restarted. With the older version of jailbreakd (in backr00m & versions of electraTV that supported 11.2.1->11.3, but not 11.4.1) couldn't handle the speed at which all the daemons get reloaded by ldrestart, this would lead to a lockup that would result in the system eventually rebooting (after being locked up for several minutes).

ldrestart has actually always been an issue, even when i used a kpp bypass in greeng0blin (Im fairly certain thats accurate!) So as a workaround i used to 'killall -9 backboardd' That would respring enough different things (PineBoard, HeadBoard et al) that i would be sufficient for the things i most commonly injected. Obviously this is a hacky stopgap, and uicache used to also kill a variety of other processes to cover them as well (lsd, appstored, etc) to help cover things like DalesDeadBug. 

After coolstar re-wrote uikitools (including uicache) i decided it was probably a good time for me to take a look at uicache again. If you want to know how much of a hassle and challenge uicache was in the earlier days (pre APFS) read some of the older posts on this blog. It's history is covered ad naeuseum.

Since we no longer need to load from /var/mobile/Applications, a lot of the extra hurdles in uicache have ceased to be necessary, essentially all that is really needed is [[LSApplicationWorkspace defaultWorkspace] _LSPrivateRebuildApplicationDatabasesForSystemApps:YES internal:YES user:NO]; + tweak to force App states to return TRUE for isEnabled. 

In the course of thinning down uicache I decided it'd be a good time to try and get ldrestart working on tvOS. After battling with it off an on all last week I came up with something that appeared to work pretty consistently on tvOS 12. Instead of being thorough and testing on 10.2.2->11.4.1 as well I hastily released it. This lead some people to get stuck in respring loops / lockups that eventually restarted the device. This was due to the fact that uicache:restart in postinst scripts would trigger ldrestart instead of uicache in nitoTV. 

In the older version of uicache there was an issue that existed once our new apps were loaded in the UI, a respring was never "required" but if it didn't occur all applications would exhibit weird behavior where they wouldnt launch, or wouldnt exit once launched, etc, to "fix" that I made it always kill backboardd as a compromise. Since this was also no longer necessary I made uicache killing backboardd "optional" by appending -r. Lack of forsite here, the old nitoTV wouldn't know backboardd wouldn't respring anymore, nor to run ldrestart when finish:restart was received, this lead to people getting stuck with a red progress indicator forever when trying to update to latest (at the time) version of nitoTV.

Due to the depth and gravity of the issue I sidelined getting ldrestart working in backr00m (one of the only places it has show stopping issues still) I reverted to uicache always respringing until I have time to revisit the issue.

In conjunction with deciding I was pouring too much time into this issue Chimera 1.0.6 was released the other night with massive stability improvements. Libtakeover & related injection was stripped out into inject_criticald  which provided massively stability improvements for the jailbreak, this made focusing on getting that out a few hours after the iOS release a very high priority.

The big takeaway from all of this:

* uicache run by itself (no arguments) is sufficient to gets apps loaded / removed after installing them into /Applications.

* ldrestart is part of uikittools on tvOS now and should be safe to run on latest electraTV release and chimeraTV release, but won't work at all on backr00m.

if you have installed a tweak and it doesnt seem to be working, try running ldrestart, it should help.

sleepy/wake

Part of the uicache update came the addition of 'sleepy' and 'wake' binaries. Use them from the command line to sleep or wake your AppleTV.

DalesDeadBug

This was recently updated to spoof newer versions, if you can't seem to get it working after installing it, prime candidate to run ldrestart after installing or making changes to that don't seem to be propogating. It works to get SteamLink installed on tvOS 10.2.2, but crashes immediately, not sure if im going to be able to fix it. It won't be possible to make that a priority (I looked into it briefly, thats the best I can do for now). 

If you need more info on what DalesDeadBug does, please read the wiki page: https://wiki.awkwardtv.org/wiki/DalesDeadBug

Cycripter

If you didn't notice, yesterday I decided to take one more brief detour to rectify a glaring deficiency in recent jailbreaks, inability to use cycript. I might have my differences with saurik recently, but this is still one of the most amazing projects he ever undertook and gifted to us. 

cycripter / CycriptLoader.dylib have been updated and open sourced to make it easier to use cycript on iOS or tvOS. All details necessary can be viewed on the wiki and the git.nito.tv repo. 

More Details: https://wiki.awkwardtv.org/wiki/Cycript

Known Issues

I havent kept a very exhaustive list of these, so I'm only going to cover two that I can think of right now.

* Infuse doesn't work on chimeraTV. 

Try launching infuse before running the jailbreak (so if you are currently in a jailbroken state, reboot first) 

if you run the jailbreak after Infuse has already been open it will work. I don't think it is necessarily any jailbreak detection, but it may be some kind of a protecetion from code injection, im honestly not sure.

* Music app doesn't work

Try updating to the latest version of chimeraTV on https://chimera.sh it didn't work in the prior version for me either, but after the latest install it started working.

Wrap-up

That's it for now, my core focus after this post is going to be to wrap up work on my long delayed tvOS App Store. I really hope to get it wrapped up this week or next. Stay tuned! And if you made it down this far, thanks!!

[pinesconessecrets]

Ice to Meet You

Merry Christmas @ladynightmare12 ! I hope you enjoy the fic!! <: I had a lot of fun with the soulmate AU, since it’s something I’ve always enjoyed. I combined it with the first meetings AU too. Have a great Christmas! <3

****

Wirt had given up on trying to find his soulmate when he was thirteen. He still remembered the conversation that came after he mentioned it to his mom. She had choked on her tea, wheezing until she’d managed to regain control of herself again. Then began the spiel about, “Oh, sweetie. You’ll meet her at some point in your life, don’t give up now!” and Wirt just sighed. Internally, of course. He didn’t want to upset his mom any further. A good bit of everyone in his grade had found their soulmate, leaving Wirt feeling terribly alone. Sara tried to comfort him, except she ran into her soulmate a few months later; it was some guy named Brian. That was a fun day.

He was a little more than relieved to graduate high school, which meant moving away to a college in a different state. A college in Oregon had caught his eye and he applied, half expecting to get denied. But lo and behold, the college actually accepted him and even had a full ride scholarship too.

Greg was against Wirt moving across the country when he broke the news. Wirt reassured him that he would call every day and keep in touch. He wouldn’t be left out just because Wirt didn’t live in the same house anymore.

Wirt enjoyed the trip to Oregon. His parents rented a small u-Haul for the stuff Wirt could take to put in his dorm. He was lucky enough to score a single person room, complete with his own bathroom. He didn’t think he could have managed if he had to share a dorm and a bathroom, much less having to suffer from public bathrooms.

They made the drive out to be like a mini vacation, taking their time since they left a few days early. Wirt’s nerves almost got the best of him a few times, the realization of him living somewhere that wasn’t with his mom and stepdad. Thankfully Greg managed to quickly distract him before he grew too anxious, eerily able to quickly figure out when his nerves were beginning to act up.

With the help of everyone, it didn’t take long before Wirt’s room was set up. He still had a few things to tweak here and there, like moving his desk closer to the window and hanging up his poems on the walls. He didn’t have much time to be particularly picky about how his room was set up with his parents and brother around.

They stayed in town for a few days, exploring the place with Wirt in tow. It definitely was a college town considering the absurd amount of fast food restaurants around. Like seriously, who needed this many fast food places? At least there were a few cafes for Wirt to hang out in. Cafes were pretty sweet places to chill at and they had a great effect on Wirt when it came to writing poetry. He was excited about that.

Tears were shed by his mom and Greg on the day they had to leave. Greg made Wirt promise to call him every day, and that was a rock fact. Wirt lingered in the parking lot for a bit longer than he intended, staring off into space before letting out a long sigh. He hoped he would be able to survive the semester before Christmas break. His next adventure in life had begun, only to bring challenges he had no way to prepare for.

Wirt got to studying diligently when the semester began. The majority of his classes were the core classes every freshman were required to take, including math. Thank god that he only needed to take two semesters of it due to his major in English. Math was one of his most detested classes; it was the worst. Maybe he was being overly dramatic, but Wirt would rather prefer to listen to someone scrape their nails on a chalkboard repeatedly for hours than be stuck in math class for even an hour. The entire point was above him, and the fact that other kids were majoring in math just blew his mind. They were to be feared.

The semester started out slow but picked up steam as the weeks went on. Midterms came and went, letting Wirt breathe a sigh of relief when his passing grades were posted.

He video called Greg before he went out trick or treating on Halloween, both happy and mortified that Greg decided to go as a garden gnome. Their trip to the Unknown was still very present in their minds years after it happened. At least now it was easier to deal with, and they didn’t have to worry about being sent into a fit of panic when winter rolled around anymore. Wirt admitted that Greg wore the outfit far better than he did, earning a protest of “No, you wore it better!” from Greg. They bickered back and forth until their mom told them to knock it out or else Greg wouldn’t be getting any candy that year. That shut Greg up and he hastily told Wirt goodbye and that he’d show him how much candy he got before going to bed.

Wirt found himself growing progressively more stressed as the end of the semester rolled around. His professors shoved study guides down their student’s throats and made it very clear that passing their finals would make or break their grades. Wirt found himself spending more and more time at his favorite cafe. He would have been surprised that he hadn’t drunk all of their tea if he wasn’t so stressed about passing his finals.

A week before finals, the unthinkable happened.

Wirt was on his way to the Jasmine Brew Cafe, lost in thought about his upcoming math final. It was the one he dreaded the most, and rightfully so. Other students in his class struggled as much as he did. The professor didn’t know how to break down the lesson so other kids could understand what he was trying to teach. Wirt barely managed to understand what the heck he was talking about most the time, and he hoped it would be enough.

Of course, the dork was so lost in thought that he wasn’t watching where he was walking. His foot made contact with frozen ice on the sidewalk, causing him to slip and fall down to the pavement. Wirt miraculously held onto his notebooks, laying on his back, winded from his fall.

Someone with unruly brown hair peered down at him with a look of mild concern. Wirt wished he could turn invisible because he knew that everyone around him saw what just happened.

“Hi there. It’s ice to meet you finally.” The other boy paused, before continuing. “I hope that’s not weird? I’ve seen you around campus before and I noticed you were always alone and I was going to say hi but I always got distracted and oh my god I’m sorry I’m kinda rambling. I tend to do that a lot and my sister always punches me and yep I’m gonna shut up now.”

Wirt’s wrist burned. That was what his stupid soulmate mark said. ‘Hi there, it’s ice to meet you finally.’

He wanted to say something witty back, but all that could come out of his mouth was, “Was that a motherfucking pun?” He rarely cussed, but dangit he was sleep deprived and angry that he was stupid enough to fall and slip on ice.

The other boy blanched, his extended hand frozen in shock. Wirt shuffled to his feet, clutching his notebooks to his chest. An awkward silence enveloped the two, only to be broken by the other boy.

“Do you want to go somewhere warm? Get some coffee or something?”

Wirt broke free of his surprise. “Uh, um, sure. I was heading to the Jasmine Brew Cafe to get some studying done. It’s right up the street here.”

“Cool. I’ve only been there once or twice, so lead the way.” He stuck his hands in his pockets, looking at Wirt expectantly.

“Right.” Wirt turned on his heels and began walking to the cafe, fidgeting with the spiral of a notebook. He knew that he was probably acting slightly like a jerk. Okay, a lot like a jerk. He had spent the majority of his teenage years resenting the idea of soulmates, knowing he’d never find his and that he’d live the rest of his life alone. But look what happened. He ran into his soulmate.

The rush of warm air made Wirt feel grateful for heating, heading to his usual spot by the wall. He sat with his back to the wall, and a large window to his left. Being able to look out into the street helped declutter his mind.

He almost relaxed, until the other boy - his soulmate - slid into the chair across from him. He looked as nervous as Wirt was.

“I’m Dipper, by the way. I don’t think I introduced myself yet.”

“Wirt. It’s um, nice to meet you, I guess,” he mumbled, his awkwardness hitting him like a fricking train. Now that the fact that yep, him finding his soulmate was a thing, was starting to sink in, a feeling of panic also begun to set in too.

“Hey, are you okay? You look like you’re freaking out there a little. I mean, I’m kinda freaking out too, but that’s because I’m super pumped to have finally run into my soulmate.” Dipper looked giddy almost.

Wirt chewed on a nail. “Y-yeah, I’m okay. It’s just… I gave up on finding my soulmate years ago, so I never thought I would actually run into them. I hope you don’t think I’m a jerk or anything because oh my god I feel so bad for being cold to you.”

When Dipper was silent, Wirt looked up to find him holding back a snicker. With the biggest shit eating grin, Dipper replied, “Was that a motherfucking pun?”

“Oh my god.” Wirt groaned, dropping his face into his hands. “Do not use my own words against me.”

“Kinda hard to considering they’re right here.” Dipper rolled his sleeve back, revealing the words scrawled across his arm. God, they were even in Wirt’s own handwriting. How crazy was that?

Wirt reached out to touch the words on Dipper’s arm, stopping short once he realized what he was about to do. “Sorry.”

“It’s okay. I know it’s a lot to take in. But I don’t mind if you wanna take a closer look at them.” His voice was quiet.

Figuring that he may as well roll with the punches, Wirt pulled his own sleeve back, exposing Dipper’s godawful pun written on the inside of his forearm. Dipper didn’t hesitate before running his fingers over Wirt’s pale skin, tracing the scratchy letters of his own handwriting. It looked different from his own, his letters rushed and hurried versus the flowing loops of Wirt’s.

Wirt finally caved and traced the words on Dipper’s arm. The two dorks sat in silence, no words needing to be exchanged as they let the importance of the day truly sink in.

The corners of Dipper’s mouth quirked up in a grin after a while. “So, did you wanna get a coffee and chat? And maybe tell me how you’ve bean all these years.”

Wirt had a feeling the puns weren’t ever going to stop.

[dwightkschrute]

In 2014 and 2015 I did a my year in review kind of thing where I, of course, reviewed it and accompanied it with a picture from that month. I somehow forgot to post 2016 (until now) and forgot to do it at all for 2017 but unfortunately, I am back with a really disappointing year. I was debating not putting myself through the legit pain of “reviewing” this year but I think of how I love going through my 2009-2010 posts and seeing how much I’ve grown so this is for you, successful and cooler future me.

2016 and 2017 were amazing but 2018 was my most promising year. My boyfriend and I were going to move in, I was going to start my dream job; everything was perfect. It definitely started out as one of the best years of my life! Then exactly halfway through the year everything changed and I was left having to pick up the pieces and completely restart, making it one of the worst years of my life.

I started January in Mexico, which was the best, but my family and I got home early in the month. I had quit my job the month before so I dedicated the entirety of this month to job hunting. Our friend (my bf’s bff who became mine and my brother’s bff early on)’s dad got a boat so it was like we got a boat too because despite the cold, we lived on it. (My boyfriend couldn’t go on the trip with us, which he was super bummed about (and that we had to spend like 10 days apart which was killer then), so he was the one to pick us up at the airport and he greeted me with a bouquet of flowers. Out of the many gifts/gestures he gave me, that was one of my favorites.)

February I started my amazing new job so life was back to 40 hour work weeks and not having much time for much else. I was always attached to the hip to my bf so almost every day after work entailed going out with him or having dinner with my family or his. That was my month. My favorite part of every February is Valentine’s Day and this one was as amazing as the rest. I don’t even have enough space (of the allotted space I give myself for each entry at least!) to describe that day. (My bf at our Valentine’s Day dinner. We finished our long day at this restaurant (so, so cool, once popular with Old Hollywood stars) on Hollywood Blvd and it was dreamy and romantic and amazing.) Oh man, I don’t have a lot of interesting things to say about March. Oh, my parents got Influenza (A/B/idk tbh), so it was two weeks of my brother, bf, and I taking care of them. My dad has a serious chronic disease so it was especially dangerous for him so it was a stressful time. Once we weren’t in hazmat suits anymore (no but really, we were gloved and double masked around them and kept them quarantined), I’d be at work or with my bf. I also started to get close with a co-worker, who I quickly became close friends with! (My bf’s two huskies. I’ve just loved that picture since I took it! I’ve never been loved by a dog more than the one in the back of this pic. Not even by my own! He has a special place in my heart.)

April was barbecues at my house or my bf’s, trying every brewery and bar around, hikes, bike rides, beach visits, baseball games, boat rides, late night cooking and baking. It was lots and lots of love and happiness and I would give absolutely anything to go back to those days. (My brother and bf grilling on Easter. This was a familiar scene, I have so many pictures of this exact scenario, yet looking at it just now made me so emotional! Stop! They’re just grilling!) May was so exciting! Very first day I got a new car! I was so happy! It was long overdue because my finicky, expensive Volkswagen had to go and I’d fallen in love with the new Honda Civic (I’ll admit I have basic taste but I don’t care!) so I finally bit the bullet and did it. This month my bf and I, after a long time of “oh wouldn’t it be nice!”, bit the bullet as well and decided to finally get serious about finding a place together. So the apartment search started, but we soon realized our home, Orange County, was super expensive. My bf, in that “ha ha jk but I’m down if you are” way, suggested we pick up and move to Oregon and I immediately agreed. It just felt right and despite us being the most careful and non-spontaneous people ever, we decided to do it! So we began to research, look for apartments but most importantly, jobs. (My car the day I took it home!)

Uhhhhhh, well, June hurts to think about! We went to visit Portland, where we decided we’d want to live because that’s where the jobs were, on a quick trip since it was strictly “business.” Portland was everything I imagined and more. We loved it and I think we loved playing house in our airbnb more than anything about the city. Back in LAX we came to the easy conclusion that though we lived Portland, that’d require a lot and for our first time moving out we’d like to stay close to home and above anything else, we just wanted to live together as soon as possible. We immediately started to look for places in LA, we spent the month apartment hunting, and towards the end of it, decided on one we really liked, one he begged me to please say yes to so we can move in already. I was so, so, so happy this month but what made me happier was seeing my bf, I swear, even happier than me. I seriously felt unstoppable and was beyond excited for our future. (I had a lot of Portland pictures to choose from but my bf and I liked this one because it reminded us of Always Sunny for some reason.)

In July, everything changed. To start, I left my job. I thought, new chapter in my life, new job coming, I’ll live really far, I should leave now. So I did. My last day was an emotional day because I loved my job so much and every single person I worked with. That very same day, my bf and I broke up. For unrelated reasons to my last day, to our moving in, to our relationship, etc. We had an amazing, amazing relationship but he has a lot of demons and issues/insecurities he has to deal with and conquer, and though I was aware and was there for him and would continue to be by his side no matter what, he decided that this was a battle he had to handle by himself and I figure before he got into a more committed situation. It didn’t have to happen, though. I hadn’t talked about the specifics of the breakup on my blog so  sorry for changing the mood of the post, but yeah, July happened and it felt like my world stopped. Really regret quitting my job now, huh? I was hit by two huge losses and changes right at the same time.  (I took this on my friend’s boat 20 tequila shots in, drunk and sad as fuck. Not to get fake deep but how sad. Literally on a boat, beautiful sunset, would rather die.)

August was a blur and I’m still not convinced I didn’t just dream it. God, alright, here we go, the rest of the year is a mess so get ready. I fell into a deep depression fast. It also didn’t help that my dad had to start getting radiation/infusions for his illness shortly after the breakup. I couldn’t believe how much my life had changed. I started dating someone else and then I dated another guy shortly after. I wanted to replace and/or forget and I really thought that’d be the solution. I was miserable when I was with them. I took absolutely any opportunity to get really drunk or high, and the opportunity came often so I spent most of my days desperately trying to not feel anything. The only time I’d feel okay was when I was extremely high and I couldn’t even think. Since I had a lot of savings for my out of state move, I had a lot of money to blow, which I did. I realized I even liked the feeling of the temporary “high” of spending a lot and receiving the stuff. I’d hang out with any friend who offered (out of boredom? loneliness?) and even ended up on a mess of a Vegas trip. Worst month ever. Maybe. (Here’s a positive! I like that bathing suit and my tiddie looks so round!)

When September came I realized two months had passed and all I had done was be a huge depressed mess. I no joke forgot about work. I just straight up forgot. I started to look for a new job, which hurt me so bad because I had to face the fact that it wouldn’t be my Cool LA Dream Job anymore. I stopped dating. Most importantly, I completely stopped drinking and smoking because it’d almost always make me sadder but also it scared me that I had no self control nor did I care. I saw a whole lot of my close friends and they, along with my immediate family, kept me afloat this month because time felt like it was going so fast. I couldn’t believe that at a blink of an eye it was night again and then a new day. Time had no mercy for me, please let me hold on. (Me at a baseball game. Tbh I’m looking at this thinking, did this really happen?)

October started out nice because my best friend of years, who I unfortunately had a falling out with three years ago, reached out to me. I’ll always give her all of the credit for doing that. I can’t begin to explain what this meant to me. It was a nice, bright shine of light that managed to shine through the dark clouds. Having my best friend is exactly what I needed. I’m a big believer in the universe acting in mysterious ways and though I had grown disappointed in its little surprise for me lately, this was the kind I always appreciate. I spent a good part of that month with her, catching up and doing things just like we did back then. It was like nothing had changed. That’s all I remember about this month, and a super fun Halloween! That day was probably one of the best days in months. (My best friend Rylee and me the first time seeing each other in 3 years. We’ve had our blogs for 8-9 years so please follow her for quality content)

November was rough. I was frustrated because surely things should had been better by then. I was still feeling so low, I was going to job interviews to no avail, I “relapsed” and had a high/drunk off my ass on a boat messy moment.. To make matters worse, I accidentally drove up on a cement divider in a parking lot and my airbags deploy, which is so expensive to fix, so my car was out of commission for a month. Then I got so sick and I rarely ever get a small cold. I seriously felt like I was cursed, even the smallest thing felt like an insult towards me. The one good thing is that since July I had been forcing myself to go to the gym five times a week. My mom said exercising was the only thing that’d help her feel that sweet release of seretonin, endorphins, dopamine, and all that good stuff when she was depressed so, though I enjoyed going to the gym before, I did it just for that reason alone. It worked and as another result I got like pretty fucking fit. Revenge body, you’re one of the few good things in my life right now. (I literally had no idea what to choose so I said fine, here’s a pic of the scene of the crime. Whatever.)

In December I turned 26. Which I hate, naturally. I went to a million more job interviews. I’m seriously so embarrassed to admit that but whatever, it’s the truth. (I have a degree, experience, and an awesome cover letter..I’ll keep blaming the curse!) What kept me sane was that we had different family members visiting from the very beginning of the month. Playing with an energetic, adorable baby kept me distracted and happy. Having so much company around also distracted me (slightly, but it helped!) from the fact that the holidays and my birthday would be quite different now. I’m one of those annoying Christmas lovers, usually at least. This year everything just happened and I didn’t care. But I survived December! (I don’t care. This is the appropriate representation of 2018 and how I feel at the end of it.)

Jesus if you’ve read all of this.. I’m sorry you had to read about the mess of my year but really more like the mess that is ME. Yknow those like “people my age I went to HS with vs me” memes? I seriously went from being that bitch with a good paying job, brand new car, a serious, great relationship with a promising future together (Like. We would color coordinate outfits! LMAO. We would have dinners with both of our families together. We were obsessed with each other. You’d roll your eyes if you saw any of this. I can’t get over how perfect we were, it’s hilarious what happened to us.) and then at the blink of an eye I went to not having absolutely any of that, casually dating (something I’d NEVER done) anyone who resembled my ex and sadly and drunkenly puking off the side of a pier. Who is she? I don’t know, I got whiplash. (Queen of parentheses and side notes, I know. But another thing about me is... I’ve never been affected by people leaving my life. I’m used to it. I’ve never been anywhere as affected as I was when my ex and I broke up. This isn’t normal for me, my ENTJ/Capricorn ass doesn’t know what this feeling is.)

Please curse that has been put on me, release me. Whoever is attacking my voodoo doll, calm down! Please! I’ve gone through enough sadness and loss. If 2019 is even slightly as bad, I’m going to be like that pigeon I reblogged the other day that’s like “fuck this I’m just going to sit here.” I can’t even make a cute but corny, hopeful “hope 2019 is great!” comment. I’m literally begging you...pleading you... I don’t believe in karma but after all of this shit, I better have something much better in stock for me. “Good things are coming!” I fucking hope so. Like, I’ll be even more annoying right now and say that it’s not fair that I didn’t get to have the future I was about to have. I don’t care about any cliche you may have for me. One door closes, everything happens for a reason, God has a plan, etc. No. Why did all of this have to happen? What can be better than the future I was going to have? I felt so unlucky. It all feels like a nightmare and I’m just waiting to feel whole again. Oh shit I got really intense. I know I’ll get over it and life will be good again eventually but for now, I am still so mad. I would have never in a million years guessed this is how my 2018 would go. 

So fine, I’ve accepted things now, so now I’m impatient and say please prove me wrong, 2019. I’m THREATENING you to be amazing!