#i can see why people don't like this writing but i am endlessly fascinated by the prose

[uncanny-tranny]

I know this is a very unoriginal observation (much like any other), but I'm finally reading The Great Gatsby, and even I wouldn't describe men the way Nick does.

[gregrulzok]

What are your top 10 favorite media, like from books, anime/manga, movies, tv series, etc (if you feel like listing multiple) of all time? Feel free if you want to write the reasons or not of why you love them....

Now THIIIIS is way different from asking me my favourite characters.

When it comes to characters, I tend to be heavily analytical and critical. When it comes to media... Well, you'll see. Whatever the case please note that these pieces of media being my favourite doesn't mean I necessarily recommend them. There's things I love with my whole heart that I wouldn't inflict upon my mortal enemy. You've been warned.

I'm also purposefully omitting some of my favourite pieces of media to shine a spotlight on ones I don't really get to talk about, or just want more people to know about (sorry, Berserk)

I'll try and keep these ones spoiler free, since I'm thinking of them more as recommendations! NSFW media will be marked with a *, but I won't go into anything explicit here. Please look up media mindfully and with discression, some of these may be triggering.

Thank you for the ask and I'm sorry for the ridiculous lengths of information you're about to witness !

Dungeon Meshi

Lets start with a safe one. A simple one. An expected one.

Yes, Dungeon Meshi IS that good.

Dungeon Meshi is a beautifully drawn manga that starts out slow, whimsical and almost slice-of-life-y, and then descents into utter madness so slowly and skillfully that by the time you blink you're in another dimension.

The world building in this series is second to none - everything makes sense and nothing is handwaved. The genuine and honest passion in the way the world feels alive is palpable, and despite its realism it never loses its magical feeling.

The characters are charming, lovable, realistic, and complex. Each of them have an inner world to tap into, each of them feels like a real person you could hold a conversation with and would WANT to hold a conversation with. Here I'll also proudly announce that we get zero (0) gratuitous fanservice, zero (0) characters who exist as a punchline, and guaranteed Sexy-Lamp Free !

The plot... Fuck, man. The plot is the most honest and bare faced look at some of the most nuanced subjects in the world (desire, ambition, love, death, survival, trauma, neurodivergence) wrapped up in a way that feels simple, grounded and real.

It also sincerely began to heal my relationship with food. I don't think I've ever seen the subjects of cooking, eating, health, weight and body diversity portrayed so well in such an empathetic, understanding and caring way in any piece of media. Body positivity is not so much a focus, but rather an undercurrent in the whole manga.

Whew ! With one objectively good piece of media out of the way, let's move on to something more unhinged, such as ...

Honestly I can't begin to imagine what kind of person WOULDN'T enjoy Dungeon Meshi. Do yourself a favour and read it.

Cats (1998)

Cats. The Broadway musical cats. One of the longest running musicals in the world, award winning, famously bashed and hated, recently revorked into a horrible film that was even more bashed and hated, the beautiful, glorious wonderful disaster of my heart - Cats.

Specifically, the 1998 film version.

...It's so hard for me to explain this one.

At some point, while watching Cats for the second time (for a reason I cannot explain), some neurons fired the wrong direction in my brain and now I have a pathological obsession, to the point where I can name each and every single Godforsaken cat in this show, including the ones that don't even appear in the credits.

Cats. What am I even supposed to say here, like, genuinely. It's cats.

Well, here's the thing - the choreography and acting direction in this fucking musical is genuinely breathtaking. It takes a few watches for it to fully click, but once it does, I sincerely believe that Cats is one of the most endlessly fascinating pieces of media to analyze. What you have to understand about Cats is that every single character (with very few exceptions) is on screen basically for the entire show. And so while you're watching the dancing in the foreground (which is beautiful on its own), every single cat in the background is just ... There. Moving, interacting, portraying characteristics that are never stated, never so much as focused on - but you can see them. You can see the kittens playing with each-other, you can see the elders gossiping, you can see small bits and gags you won't catch your first time, or second, or fifth. You can see how rowdy Tumblebrutus and Pouncival are, you can see how excitable Electra is, you can see the quiet dignity of Coricopat and Tantomile, the friendship between Jellylorum and Jennyanydots. There's always new little bits of background characterisation you can catch, pretty much regardless of how many times you've seen it.

In that way, Cats is feels the most alive, the most ever changing and evolving. I'm completely enraptured by it and if you do want to watch it, I recommend watching it as many times as you can stomach, because your first time through it'll glide right off you like water off a duck.

Chainsaw Man (Public Safety Arc)*

The first time I finished reading Chainsaw Man, I stared at my phone for a straight minute, then started sobbing. The next morning, I drank alcohol for the first time.

I wish that was a joke.

I'll admit I'm not up to date on the second arc of Chainsaw Man - it honestly got away from me a little and I'm not entirely sure I'll be finishing it.

But that doesn't take away from the fact that the first arc is one of the most tightly written, beautiful, emotional stories I've ever read.

Sure, it's fun and funny. Sure, it's cool in it's action scenes. Sure, the art direction is absolutely breathtaking. Sure, the character design and worldbuilding are interesting and detailed.

But at its heart the core appeal of CSM, to me, is the way it speaks about trauma, abuse, assault, isolation, fear, and desire. Chainsaw Man is painfully down to earth in a gritty, real way, and while it is extremely dark, it's also uplifting and hopefull in a way a lot of dark media isn't.

Chainsaw Man makes you feel tiny, helpless in a massive world. Chainsaw Man puts you up against horrors both tangible and fantastical, and then it looks you in the eyes and says "Hey. You aren't weak. You aren't useless. The world is scary, the world is cruel, the world is harsh, but that doesn't mean you can't fight it. That doesn't mean there isn't hope".

I really don't know how else to describe it without going into spoilers. It's genuinely moving.

Arcane

Arcane is a beautiful tragedy that has no right being as impactful as it is for being a goddamn League of Legends adaptation, of all things.

The art direction in Arcane is absolutely insane - Taking a page from Into the SpiderVerse (which is another favourite of mine), it blends 3D animation with a 2D-esque art style and fully 2D effects to bring what I genuinely believe to be one of the best looking shows in the world to life. And that's not all !

Arcane is infinitely nuanced. Between it's multiple plots it introduces many, many characters, all of whom have their own wants, needs, goals, ambitions, fears, flaws and trauma, and it clashes them together beautifully. Nothing in Arcane feels like an afterthought to me, I think the most fantastic thing about it is how expertly it weaves all these different storylines together. Everything ties into something else, everything affects something else, the story changes based on every little movement of our main characters and by the time it unfolds you realize that there's nothing that could really be done to change it because EVERYTHING lead to this.

It's a tragedy in the best way possible.

Attack on Titan

I don't care what anyone says - Attack on Titan is one of the best Anime ever put on screen.

I am a person that grew up in a colonized, war-torn country. Part of our land is still occupied, and our occupants are currently seeking refuge in our city and acting like this is their vacation resort. My people have been marginalized, demonized, dismissed, our culture has been erased and we have been fed more propaganda than I can count.

And I say this because I think being in this situation lends me a pretty good perspective of what AoT is:

Propaganda. The first two seasons of Attack on Titan are literally an extended propaganda film, meant to trick and decieve the viewer into siding with the protagonists, and dismissing their enemies as mere monsters.

If I go any deeper into that statement, there will inevitably be spoilers, so I'll cap it off with this:

There are no easy answers in war. There are no heroes and no villains, there are no good guys and bad guys, and there are no winners. There is only deception, control, and death.

I've never seen a piece of fiction capture the true, real horror of war quite as well as Attack on Titan does.

Death Parade

Everybodyyyyyyy put your hands upppppp

Death Parade is the show I go to rewatch when I have nothing else to rewatch.

It is a soft, yet painful look at human nature. It's an exploration of what makes a person good or bad, and whether such things even exist. It brings into question the very nature of humanity, whether there's such a thing as being good or bad, whether our character is formed by our circumstances or our behaviour, and how those things should be judged. It asks what it means to have emotions, to have feelings, and how your own personal emotions and biased factor into how you assess other people - whether it's more unfair to judge someone objectively without empathy, or subjectively with your own narrow, biased worldview.

All of that wrapped in a beautiful aesthetic, and a somber, subtle love story. Not even necessarily a romantic one - just pure love.

Highly, highly recommend.

Oyasumi Punpun*

Oyasumi Punpun is the most direct, honest, unfiltered, unbiased look at a human being's psyche I've ever seen.

It's also one of the most triggering bits of media on here, so proceed with caution.

Oyasumi Punpun follows the life of a single boy from his childhood, through his adulthood. Every single hardship, every single setback, every victory, every memorable experience, is shown to us through the lense of his own eyes. His childhood innocence, his teenage cynicism, his adolescent hopelessness, his own naivete, his own trauma, his own biased colour the way we view the world around him.

It genuinely makes you feel like you are wearing his skin and living his life through him.

Its disturbing, uncomfortable, dark, scary, and it's funny, hopeful, and just plain bizarre.

Great Pretender

Alright, back to light-hearted things !!!

Great Pretender might be the funniest show I've ever seen, to me, personally. Its bright, saturated, expressive animation compliments the absolute insanity of this show perfectly.

The most basic premise is that Great Pretender is about two con artists desperately trying to out-con each-other, and then it all goes downhill from there. It sets up so much of its payoff in such tiny little ways that by the time I got to the end I'd be beating myself up for missing a completely innocuous detail like a characters fucking watch, because it was actually a hint towards the overall plotline.

Its clever, it's funny, it keeps you on your toes, and it can be genuinely heartfelt and delightfully homoerotic to boot !!

It's absolutely worth the watch. Please give us season two. Please. PLEASE.

Dark Heaven*

Dark Heaven is what I'd recommend to someone if they told me they liked reading BL.

As a gay man in an interracial relationship, I've yet to find a piece of media that is quite so open direct, brutal and honest about the kids of issues that gay people, people of color, and people in interracial relationships can face.

To that end - it's extremely triggering if you're sensitive to those particular topics, as well as some other things. I'd very much recommend looking up a list of triggers first if you want to read it because it does get very, very dark. (And very NSFW). (Right from chapter one)?

But yeah - Dark Heaven is a beautiful, engaging, and at times very fluffy and humorous romance between two men, that is heavily overlaid with real actual issues people face every day (and some people don't face every day, but are nonetheless very real). It's honest, soft, and uplifting where it needs to be, despite not sugarcoating absolutely anything. It also does us the wonderful favour of not fetishizing gay men, not playing into weird creepy stereotypes, and not turning their relationship into something to gawk at.

And now, the one, the only, the piece of media that captured my heart and soul and will never ever let go:

Warrior Cats

Fucking Warrior Cats.

I have read every single book in the series. The series with over 100 books (depending on how you count them). Every official piece of media, I have consumed.

I've been reading this book series since I was 11. I've loved, cherished, lived and breathed it. I keep up with them to this day. I recently completed a chronological re-read. I've made OCs. I've roleplayed it in person and online - in fact I've been a mod in a DeviantArt roleplay group.

I HAVE A GODDAMN EXCELL SPREADSHEET WHERE I ANALYZE THE STATISTICS OF THE WARRIOR CATS NAMING SYSTEM

"Oh wow, sounds like the series is really good" WRONG

Warrior Cats is one of the worst written series I've ever read. It's poorly paced, it's full of plotholes, most characters are pieces of cardboard with a furry coat. It's dumb, nonsensical, inconsistent, and infuriating. It preaches the worst lessons I've ever heard, it's full of nothing but wasted potential, and I could honestly count the number of books I'd consider to be genuinely good on both of my hands.

Out of a 100. I've read a fucking hundred of these. Send help.

Why do I do this to myself? Why do I read them?

Because I'm autistic and my brain is holding me hostage.

Against my better judgement, I have such a deep and genuine love for this series, for the characters, for the content mostly created by the fans, for the world building.

And every single time one of these fucking cats dies, I end up tearing up.

I love Warrior Cats and you can pry it from my cold, dead hands.

...

And that's IT !!!

Thank you again for the ask, and thanks if you read it this far !! You can really tell which ones of these I'm currently hyperfixated on haha.

Again please practice discression in looking these up - I have absolutely no triggers, and so don't think twice about consuming really dark and heavy pieces of media. This is also why I didn't just opt to put in my own trigger warnings - because I don't know everything that could be potentially triggering, and I don't want to give off the impression that you know everything you need to, in case i missed anything.

Be careful and be safe !

[kisakis-boyfriend]

[Transcription: Man I gotta know what you see in Kisaki 😭 Totally understand everyone’s different opinions but I genuinely cannot see anything good about this man until the final timeline. End transcription]

I don't know if I can properly articulate how I feel about Kisaki. This may end up as nothing more than word vomit, but I will try to get my feelings across-

I'm very much the kind of person who latches onto villains and antagonists in general, regardless of the media I consume. Perhaps it is because I have been treated as an 'other' or a 'villain' throughout my entire life, who knows. Nonetheless, Kisaki is no exception to this pattern.

The things he does are not good, but I am endlessly fascinated by his drive and conviction. The way he's dead set on his goal and would do anything to achieve it. Nothing is off the table. No exceptions. I think that part of him is quite interesting. I love antagonists who think this way.

Kisaki doesn't really love Hinata, it's an obsession that drives him. An infatuation and some imaginary goal that Kisaki has convinced himself will earn Hinata's love and attention. Maybe there was love in the beginning, maybe not. I think that's more up for personal interpretation, but I digress–

A part of me understands Kisaki. I cannot remember if this was stated to be canon or not but I seem to remember it being said that Kisaki's parents were neglectful? Which led to a rather isolated childhood (unfortunately extremely relatable...) He doesn't know much about true bonds with other people because he didn't have any of that growing up. And I both sympathize and empathize with someone like that.

His actions are harmful to an extreme degree. Honestly, I hated him at first. It wasn't until I read a short sub Kisaki scenario that I even dared to imagine liking him in any capacity. Though after I stopped yelling at the TV screen every time Kisaki showed up, I began to look at him closer. Examining his mindset and actions (probably projecting somewhat...) and slowly developed the love that I have for him now.

I don't know if any of this really answers your question as to why I like him. I feel vulnerable writing some of this. I get very emotional whenever I think about Kisaki in-depth. Though I am not currently trying to become the most powerful gang leader in Japan, I share some similarities with Kisaki in other ways, but I don't know if I feel comfortable talking about every one of those things.

Anyways. I will stop rambling now. My apologies if this is confusing or vague.

[scoundrels-in-love]

20 Question Fic Writer Game

Thank you for @needle-noggins for tagging me! Using my limited energy right now to respond, because otherwise I never will, oops.

How many works do you have on AO3? 65. One of them is a collection of prompts with 14 different chapters so, technically, 78 fics total.

What is your AO3 word count? 169,932. Nice. (Almost half of them are written in last 7 months for Trigun.)

What fandoms do you write for? Currently, only Trigun, but there are chances I might drop a fic or two in JJK fandom for Chosoyuki and then disappear. I would also like to finish some WIPs for Braime from GOT, but I don't know if my brain will let me. Never say never, though.

What are your top five fics by kudos? What can I give that is all for you? These arms are all I have (But I hold you like I do love you) (396, Trigun, Mashwood) Everything about you is on the tip of my tongue (312, Trigun, Mashwood, my first finished proper multichapter and explicit monsterfucking) You hold me for a little (Curtains closed to the end of the world) (260, Trigun, Mashwood) If I'm gonna (lose) love someone, (don't) let it be you (258, GOT, Braime) this fucking fic that took me a week instead of day or two to write, ENJOY FUCKERS (or don't, I'm not a cop) (234, Trigun, Mashwood, Explicit monsterfucking) Really fascinating to see how much kudos my Trigun fics used to get when I now often only get 30-50 at best. But, alas. Such is the ups and downs of fandom and I hope it's not reflection of my writing quality vaning as well.

Do you respond to comments? Why or why not? Yes, I do. When I first started using to AO3, a writer I admired had the stance that it inflates the comment number and is 'cheating' when it comes to the statistics, but I realized that, at least for me, comments aren't any parameters I search fics by and also I really wanted to feel community and connect with my readers and writers, so I wholly threw myself in responding later on.

What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? Oh, that's a good question. Several WIPs come to mind, but as for actual published ones... I suppose Before you leave, Remember I was with you (You must know you are beloved) could count because it follows canon ending of the Rogue One which means all of the characters die. But it is more of a bittersweet one. In similar vein, If this is communication, I disconnect (I need you, you want me, but I don't know how to connect) I think You taught me the courage of stars before you left (How light carries on endlessly even after death) overall might win, because it ends on open wound of grief, though it is also canonical death.

What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? I don't think there is a singular one that is more happy than others. There are so many shades and nuances of happiness, who am I to judge which one is the most valid, the biggest?

Do you get hate on fics? I once joked in author notes that maybe the fic did contain traces of early polyam if you squint and someone was very upset about it, though in text it was just close mutual friendship and some teasing and only the tagged main couple was openly romantically involved. I've gotten some weird comments overall through the years, but thankfully nothing more hateful than that.

Do you write smut? If so, what kind? Much to my own horror, yes, I do now. And apparently mostly the monsterfucking kind. I don't know what else might be meant by 'kind'.

Do you write crossovers? No, that's not something that really comes to my mind. I am too engrossed in exploring every nook and cranny of the canon and characters that are my focus at the time.

Have you ever had a fic stolen? Not fic, as far as I know, but I have had my poetry and RP stories and plots stolen by people I trusted, such as my teacher and close friends at the time.

Have you ever had a fic translated? No, but I've had one podficced!

Have you ever cowritten a fic before? No, but I'd really like to give it a try, I and @bienchanter have a lovely Rancher/Western Mashwood AU we'd like to cowrite, we just can't quite figure how to go about it. I've also had the pleasure of having them write a companion piece to my fic (theirs and mine) and had the joy of writing companion pieces to @needle-noggins and @frappeflamingo stories.

What's your all-time favourite ship? I am a person who cannot pick just one. I'd say some of the most Rainy defining ones have been Han x Leia, Braime and Mashwood.

What's a WIP you'd like to finish but doubt you ever will? So, so many Braime ones. Especially the ones that are multichapter for fic exchanges. Their recipients deserve better.

What are your writing strengths? Emotions, evocative descriptions.

What are your writing weaknesses? Everything else. Okay, okay, before I get bonked from every direction - I struggle with dialogues and action descriptions and easily get overwhelmed when tackling larger, tightly packed plot.

Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic? I think it is perfectly valid and even good for characters that would actually mix the languages naturally. I've definitely thrown in some Brazilian words for my Wolfwood, for this reason.

First fandom you wrote for? The Labyrinth on ff.net in 2008 or about there.

Favourite fic you've ever written? I don't have a singular favorite, there is something that I love, something unique that makes me appreciate it in almost all of my bigger stories, even if it's just a joke that was made in conversations with my friends.

Whew, this was long, but fun. Tagging @bienchanter @it-may-be-dull-but-im-determined @firesign23 @sdwolfpup @chickiefoo and @tardisready as well as anyone else who might just want to. But no pressure to, on anyone.

[curiouschaosstarlight]

For the ask game; 3, 11, and 16 (yes I just randomly generated these don't hold me responsible for which ones they chose)

(I'm gonna assign these Gensh 'cause why not)

3. screenshot or description of the worst take you've seen on tumblr

I do not have and will not take a screenshot, but I think "everyone only woobifies Scaramouche because one piece of canon says he's nice to children, and they should stop writing" still pisses me off the most, genuinely. It's such a high-horse, full of shit take that you can only really have if you've been deliberately not paying any attention to canon. The ENTIRETY of Sumeru should have put this take in the ground where it belongs. And it ain't even the full tidbit of the thing being referenced either. I think you should honestly quit playing Gensh if you're not actually going to pay attention to the story and lore and get on a high-horse about how other people totes have it wrong. It's fine to have preferences for characters, but genuinely fuck off with the "any take I dislike is obviously wrong and shouldn't be written" shit.

11. number of fandom-related words you've filtered

Not-very-many, but that's because the lack of Gensh people I follow, so it tends not to be necessary. It's like...two or three things, currently? Could turn into more if I actually got more active (or if people would tag stuff I really don't like that doesn't really get tagged)

16. you can't understand why so many people like this thing (characterization, trope, headcanon, etc)

Polite Answer: A few characters I personally find boring or un-engaging, some headcanons I'm really not into, and one version of a take on a ship that baffles me.

Detailed answer under the read more;

I really don't see the whole wide appeal of characters like Barbara, Noelle, Nilou, Kokomi, Mona...to me, they're all just kind of generically cute and sweet. (And one character I forgot I kind of genuinely despise, but I think I get the appeal so I don't think I can put her here...) I guess I can kind of get it, but the more people angrily try to say how great they are and complain about That Sort Of Take while putting down other characters like Itto, the less inclined I am to even try to like them, and the more resentful I get instead. I also have zero interest in the "pop idol" facet of Barbara's personality, and was more interested in her in the story when she was doing her priest/nun role, since I'm EXTREMELY used to "cutesy bubbly girl who sings" and not very used to "cute-but-serious nun" characters.

(Also call Barbara fucking minor-coded again and I will find a way to rip through this computer screen I swear to god)

Next would probably be Childe being some kind of confident playboy. I think that's born of the English dub exclusively, and has no fitting place in any genuine part of his personality. It's hard to explain, but he gives me way more of an Innocent But Violent Kid vibe, particularly with his devotion to the Tsaritsa. (No this isn't child-coding, this is a description of trauma stuff) And I find that much more fascinating. (Also very funny to think his sex education might be a little lacking if he had to learn from other Harbingers or something) Also I have NO idea why people like him saying "girlie" so much. In every other language, he's far more polite and essentially says some form of "miss", and I haaaaaaate when people call me "girlie" so, so much. That's just a personal pet peeve of mine. Can't trust english fandom with anything.

And basically, in general, if it's the english fandom's version of the character, I pretty much exclusively don't understand it or its appeal. The takes of people that only engage with the english dub and nothing else are generally pretty bad and way off the mark for actual characterizations, especially with things like the Harbingers.

While I've since remembered some ship takes I genuinely dislike a bit, one that baffles me endlessly is Kazuha/Wanderer; specifically the version where they make a lot of parallels between Kazuha and Niwa, but think it's BadWrong to ship Niwa/Wanderer. Like, friend, bud, amigo, chum, pal.......what? You're very, very close to just writing straight up Niwa/Wanderer, what's your problem, why are you complaining?

(...I also don't really get why so many people like Wanderer/Mona. I kinda sorta get the basis, but I also just...don't...like Mona, as previously mentioned, and I don't really know what's so compelling about those two together.)

I'd generally advise to take mmmost of these with a grain of salt. I'm the type of person that can be tricked into liking anything so long as you get me writing it for whatever reason.

But I WILL grow to hate things out of spite also, so. you know.

[llycaons]

palm tree + sage !!

hi dolly!

palm tree ⇢ do you have a fictional villain you shouldn’t like but love regardless?

let's see *checks my database of media real quick* eh the only character I can think of is xue yang, just because he's so unhinged. whx is a real treat to watch, and his scenes were just fantastic. he manages to be fun and amusing despite the truly horrific things he did. and if his performances wasn't enough, the sheer power of wearing cheetah-print robes in a wuxia setting sealed the deal. 10/10 presentation but I AM glad he's dead

sage ⇢ what ‘medium’ of art (poetry, music, fiction, paintings, statues etc.) is the most touching to you? why do you think that is?

oh, I love this question! when I was an edgy high schooler I used to joke that I hated art 😭 this was foolish and short-sighted obviously, I just meant that I don't really care for the types of paintings I would see in museums. obviously I appreciate visual arts like illustration and painting now for its aesthetic and the talent that goes into it, but I can't say it really touches me emotionally. same for most songs, poetry, music....I like sculptures more than most things, but still only in a way where I think it's cool and exciting and not in a way hat I feel like, the deeper meaning of what the artist is trying to say.

my most beloved, most meaningful, and most emotional connections to art has always primarily been through storytelling, whether through animation, comics, movies, tv shows...especially longform works where I can follow a character's trajectory and watch their development. I've seen some very condescending posts about people who treat fictional characters like real people who we like personally and who we believe deserve things, and maybe that means that I'm engaging with stories on a more juvenile level than the other people Consuming Art on here, but that's what fun about it, for me. so I don't really mind? yeah it's cool to step back and see something deeper and keep that distance and objectivity but a lot of the times I like rooting for my little guys and sharing their losses and their joys.

the creation of fictional lives and people gives me that emotional connection to really feel a piece of art. I've certainly never cried at any painting or piece of classical music no matter how beautiful it may be...I just find stories about people to be the richest, most rewarding, most endlessly fascinating type of art to be invested in. from the moment my librarian introduced me to fiction to get me to read something besides animal care booklets, to my current fascination with all the worst fanfic the internet has to offer, I just have the most to say about storytelling, and my engagement in it feels the most rewarding.

as for why....idk. I'm well aware this is the majority of how people interact with fiction on here, so my reasons are probably similar to lots of other people's. I've always struggled to communicate with others, so through fiction I feel like I'm getting that sense of connection, whether I'm discovering how other people perceive the world, or seeing myself in someone else's writing. there's also the escapist appeal, but I don't think I've watched this stuff for escapism in a long time. I just like to feel connected to other people, I guess, and I find that writing and tv and other forms of linear storytelling can deliver the types of character development and engaging plot that I find very rewarding. and sometimes I just want to watch or read something that makes me stand up and walk around like

and storytelling (manga in particular - I love you yu yu hakusho) has been the only form of art to give me that

what a fun question. thank you!

[trashquisitor-shirozora]

for the deep fic writer asks: 2, 10, 16 & 19

2. what’s a fic that took you to an emotional/dark/hard place?

Oh god. I'm gonna have to go back quite a few years but I wrote two fics that I have a hard time revisiting. I really need to edit one, though, because I made a creative decision that didn't work.

A Deafening Distance is a Supernatural fic where Dean said yes to Michael, and Sam and Cas are left to pick up the pieces. There is a mini cast of OCs and I thought it would be funny to name the OCs after the actors but some people found it disorienting. I keep meaning to change that but I haven't been able to visit this fic and I posted it in 2010.

Wishing Well was a Cap Kink Meme fill back when kink memes were a huge thing on LJ. It's a CATFA fic and the prompt was "kissing lessons" and it's from Howard Stark's POV and I kept the ending the same as the movie so it was... it's really sad? But it's a good kind of sad, if that makes sense.

P.S. The ficmix I made for this fic still wrecks me.

10. how has writing positively impacted your mental health or overall mood?

All I can say is, if I can't write I'll go fucking mad. My brain is always on its bullshit. I maybe spent late elementary through early middle school obsessing over 1 ginormous crossover fic that I wrote in my head; it had its own soundtrack and score and the character voices I swear were on point and it was all I could think about. I still remember it all these years later because I never wrote it down. It seared itself in my head. Being able to write is like venting a pressure cooker and keeps me sane and focused.

16. Do you re-read old fics? Is there a time in your writing you won’t go back to?

I will not touch anything I wrote and posted to FFN. I refuse. But I'll re-read old fics I posted to AO3. I spent hours tracking down all my old Transformers fics in my old external HDDs to read and feel sad over the stories I wanted to tell but couldn't. I'll revisit the massive Tronfic that imo changed my life forever and is still my personal standard that I am always reaching for with my newer fics. I'll also click the back button on some of my fics because those stories just don't cut it for me anymore. It's nice to look back on your older work to see what held up, what didn't, what trends you kept, and how much you changed since you posted those fics.

19. If you could write an ideal fic, what would it include?

My ideal fic would have a deliciously slow burn romance against a plotty backdrop steeped in political conflicts and sociopolitical change/revolution. I think that's one of the reasons why I'm still going so hard and heavy for dinluke; I get so insane just thinking about the parallels between Din and Luke and their respective cultures/heritages, the play on "enemies to lovers" but on a generational scale where Din heard stories, where Mandalorian armor and weapons are designed to fight the Jedi, and Luke? Knows not enough because he has nothing but the teachings of two Jedi ghosts, whatever he can scavenge and salvage of the Jedi Order, stories from people who still remember the Jedi. Din is of an endangered people and Luke is of a nearly extinct people, and while Din tripped and fell into being the wielder of the Darksaber, Luke chose to try to reclaim and rebuild the Order. And they only crossed paths because Din sacrificed his covert for a Jedi youngling and went through hell to reunite Grogu with his kind. It's insane. They're insane. They drive me insane.

I am also so endlessly fascinated by this post-war galaxy, the rippling consequences of the Empire's downfall, the generational conflict between people who grew up while the Empire was in power vs. people who remembered the last years of the Galactic Republic, the struggles of a New Republic building on the ashes of the Empire and memories of the Galatic Republic, all the cartels and crime syndicates/organizations rushing in to get theirs, the displaced peoples either trying to come home or make a place for themselves in a turbulent galaxy, etc, etc, etc.

Uh. Yeah. I'm that kind of fic writer/fandom person.

Fuck that was a really long answer, oops.

Play ask games, win ask prizes.

[suuho]

Hey Kaz, i really love your thoughts on seventeen. So im wondering if you have any for Vernon's ships? I love that guy so i was surprised to find out that he doesn't really have any popular fic other than verkwan. Which is a pity since he has many interesting dynamic with the other members

first of all, sorry this is so late! life got in the way, yada yada yada, but here we are!! so, huh, vernon ships. why not go by them one by one?

vernon and scoups: i don't have many feelings towards them; they are clearly friends to me, brothers at that, and they get along well enough. i do love that they're the oldest and youngest of their respective units, though. that always makes things fun.

vernon and jeonghan: that is so funny to me, to be honest. they are both such uncanny communicators with opposing energies that i feel like it is partly the reason why we see them so rarely together, just the two of them. interesting dynamic, tho. in, like, theory.

vernon and joshua: rocket line! one of my favorite seventeen units EVER. i honestly think they should do a full duo album, maybe when the members enlist. love that pop punk sound they had going for them on 2 minus 1, but i also love rocket a lot. they fascinate me endlessly, to be honest. i always love to see a new yorker and a californian interact.

vernon and jun: so interesting to me. vernon is super drawn to minghao, so i always find it peculiar when he instead singles out jun or vice versa.

vernon and hoshi: they used to be roommates, which is just insane to me. like, think about that? but in a way, you can tell they were because they get along in a quiet and sensible manner that can only exist because you've shared close quarters with someone, no matter how (un)willingly.

vernon and wonwoo: one of my favorite dynamics in the entire group. they are both extremely introverted, they are the heart and soul of the hip hop dynamic, i love seeing them together because visually they are both just absolutely stunning. i love watching them hang out together. much like wonwoo and jihoon, these two compliment each other really and have a quiet understanding of one another, vernon is just way more laid back than jihoon could ever be. this is two, low energy level individuals interacting with each other, and i love them for it. also, they are bad bitches. to me, anyways.

vernon and jihoon: best friends. my favorite vernon dynamic by FAR. yes, they are both my biases in the group and yes, that does make me indeed biased, but i don't care. vernon is jihoon's closest confidante in terms of song writing and production (besides bumzu ofc), they genuinely get along REALLY well, they have been roommates on tour for ages to this day. jihoon takes care of vernon and vernon understands jihoon. i love them so much, oh my god, like you can just tell that they are very close friends. one of the best friendships in the entire group and i hate that no one pays attention to them. they just love hanging out with each other and i love that for them.

vernon and minghao: oh, whew. verhao... my god, what a can of worms. all i am saying is, that verhao should have and be what verkwan is. in fact, verhao IS what people think verkwan is. vernon is drawn to minghao like a moth to a flame, and minghao loves to play coy with him, while he also takes a lot of care of vernon. idk, i just love them together. maybe the vernon dynamic with the most chemistry.

vernon and mingyu: i love them. i just. i feel like it's hard to explain what i see in them, but whenever they interact, i feel so giddy. there's something special to vernon and mingyu. if you get it, you get it.

vernon and dk: the 218s! i love our 218s. it is so funny, because they have very opposing characters, but it is honestly just a classic mash up of sunshine (dk) and tsundere (vernon), one of the oldest tropes in the books, which we just love. they are both unhinged in different ways. the main rapper and main vocalist of svt, baby!!!

vernon and seungkwan: i mean, do i think that verkwan is overrated? yes. they have none of the romantic chemistry people claim they have and i do absolutely not understand how it survived for this long? what are people seeing here? but, i do love their dynamic as friends. it reminds me of me and my close friends.

vernon and dino: these two just bring me so much joy. i seriously would die for the entire svt maknae line, no joke. and vernon and dino are also unhinged, but in more alike ways. another one of those complex dynamics that doesn't make sense on first glance, but that you feel could be the foundation of something brilliant.

[canadadryin]

Everytime I see a successful person, I think that could have been me. I don't know that I have any talent, I don't know that I'm all that smart, I'm not charismatic in the least. I am endlessly fascinated with my thoughts. I'm endlessly fascinated with where the go and how they've grown from previous ideas I'd spend years considering. I turn thoughts over in my mind like a writer, like an artist, and I become entranced by themes. They can be relevant to my culture, to my specific upbringing. They can be painful and they can be hilarious. I think and think but rarely create anything besides these ideas.

I know everyone thinks. But do they recognize patterns and recurring themes and play with their thinking the way I seem to, I truly couldn't tell you. I am a deeply introspective and introverted person. My idea of paradise includes no one for miles.

That isn't to say I'm not interested in people. I'm interested in humankind. I just find that individuals don't live up to the expectations of humanity. In sum, people are boring. Social media is boring. I don't relate to it or most people.

I relate to ideas and I get my entertainment through social commentary or reading literary fiction. I just can't relate to much around me and I can't pretend to. If that makes me pretentious, so be it.

I think I believe I could have been all of these things is because I have the ideas for it. I just don't have the talent to effectively express these ideas. I can write concisely but I don't have style. I can sing but I cannot compose music or even dream up a melody or chord or any component of music. I have concept upon concept for novels that I don't have the skill to write. I have pages and pages of ideas for YouTube and TikTok videos that I don't have the personality to create.

I am so deeply solitary. I like it that way. I can only charm the person who means the most to me, who knows me the best. I cannot appeal to a mass audience or even an indie audience. I don't have the skills, talent, personality. I do have the ideas.

I see artists, writers, and entertainers who have come up in the past decade and sometimes they are working with ideas and concepts I've had in my head since I was a child. I never would have been able to produce the content to share those ideas.

I guess it's just odd being solely an idea person without knowing how to express and share these ideas. I could blow the YouTube commentary genre out of the water with my thoughts and analysis but I don't have the personality to do that.

I've also withdrawn from a society I don't agree with to the point where, if it isn't done for pleasure or to benefit my health and wellbeing, it isn't worth it. Ironically, the cost/benefit ratio is the term that allowed me to put my disillusionment with society and capitalism into words. The cost of participating in any type of hustle isn't worth the benefit. Maybe that's why I never buckled down and honed any skills to express myself. That and the severe depression I suffered all throughout adolescence. It could also be that when I was a child and I wrote what I read, I was praised endlessly by teachers. I have always been extremely good at replicating a formula. I could write something just like someone else's work. I could get praise for it. Could I create something my own? I've hardly ever tried because the replication came so easily to me and I don't know how to do anything that doesn't come easily. I've only recently gained the patience to allow myself to cultivate a skill that doesn't come easily to me and I've reserved my energy for things that benefit my well-being. I haven't had the capacity to extend that patience to creative work yet. Maybe someday I will.

[uwusillygirl]

different anon - hearing your take on normal people was so fascinating. i admittedly am not the biggest sally rooney fan for a # of nit-picky reasons (i did like the show more than the book). i do think she excels the most at writing the once-in-occasion absolute devastating BANGER of a line. speaking of it in relation to your work, one of the things that REALLY always ground my gears was rooney's very... bizarre? treatment of (and seemingly a complete misunderstanding of?) bdsm in her books (normal people esp, this also comes up in conv. w friends). i could and have gone on rambling rants about this that i don't want to burden you with. i did always think there seems to be the common thread that the sign that marianne & connell are "good" for each other (i.e. genuinely, truly in love) is that connell does not indulge her whenever she asks for pain. this also brings in the bizarre treatment of consent where it seems like the reason connell does not hurt marianne is because he knows she doesn't TRULY want it, because she only wants it because she is trying to punish herself. something which on the surface i found to be just a very frustrating experience to read (and also... quite dangerous general assumptions about bdsm culture lol i'm sure plenty of people will find great offense with the idea that the only reason why they'd want to be choked during sex is because they're mentally and emotionally damaged and secretly hate themselves). & i want to say this exact issue is something that you remedy in your work so brilliantly. eddie trusts chrissy to know whatever weird thing she wants (and even trusts her enough to help her figure out what she could potentially want through some guidance/encouragement), and as you mentioned i think eddie genuinely does enjoy providing her with this and playing this dominant role, at least to some extent, where connell is just SO turned off by it. i'm not going to go on and on because my complaints re: normal people pale in comparison to your brilliant analysis, that actually made me re-consider a lot of my gripes with it. perhaps a re-read is in my future. i'm so sorry for the long ask, i just wanted to re-affirm that i feel like your work is like... what i needed from normal people. what i needed for a girl like a marianne. to see a girl similar to her find true genuine companionship and partnership with all of her emotional turmoil and dangerous devotion and subservience to be so deeply loved and understood. and not just by someone who "goes along" with her weirdness but truly delights in it and loves her even more for it.

okay i'd like to start by saying some of you guys occasionally make me genuinely emotional and the tail end of this ask like made me sort of heartachey. thank you so much for saying that. i genuinely just do this for fun and for my own weird shit but i do like to think we can have some more space for the masochistic freak girls who are like... not all put together on that front. and that they can still have nice things happen to them. (which i did not believe was true even like two years ago but am starting to believe now! not to get too personal!)

anyways. i don't think it's weird at ALL to not be a fan of rooney. i really appreciate what she does in a lot of senses (won't get into it here because don't wanna get like endlessly into the weeds), but there is also a certain self-indulgence to her work if you resonate with any of her characters - which, not to overshare, but if you're catching the very obvious vibe here there's definitely some resonance there for me.

but her work in bdsm IS bizarre! to me, too! i think a lot about what she was trying to attempt and pull off, especially with marianne - i don't think she's partaking in bdsm as much as like self-destruction. none of the people she's with are like actual, ethical sadists/dominants as much as godawful men. the swedish guy particularly pisses me off, though, because that whole bit with "the game" and the degradation and everything that is like structured bdsm and is presented as such but missing the key part where like... none of the basic rules are being followed lmao

as for connell's failure to indulge her in her like tangible masochistic fantasies, i actually quite like that for his character because he's got this compulsive need to be a "good person" and a "good man" and yet he treats marianne, at points, as much like shit as other men - but he can delude himself that it's like just some weird soulmate shit they have going on instead of him taking pleasure in having total control over her - most dizzyingly in that one bit where he's almost smugly and quietly certain he knows her so well he can read her mind. (but most obvious example is her offer of "you can do whatever you want" totally gets him off, and then he gets the ego boost of i can but i won't and that makes me so amazing and a good person - but would he be fucking marianne ever if it weren't for the way she's openly subservient and submissive to him? hard to say).

i actually vaguely remember daisy edgar jones (and maybe mescal) having this sort of interview where they were like "oh no marianne's sexual stuff doesn't come from her childhood trauma!" which everyone was like girl, it clearly does... but i think what they were trying to do was actually well-intentioned in that they were trying to be like if you want to be ethically masochistic you're not like inherently a "damaged girl". the fact that they felt they needed to make that (admittedly clumsy) clarification says a lot about maybe where rooney's attempt fell flat

[craycraybluejay]

uploading commentary/annotation on each section of my mbti analysis thing. here goes.

Priding myself on unique perceptiveness and vigorous intellect? Absolutely. It's my biggest point of pride, and it's the number one thing I get compliments on, second being creativity and third being appearance.

I do indeed hardly ever stop thinking, and I wake up with my brain SCREAMING for me to write down the most recent dream or search up a random thing I'm curious about, occasionally both. And I do in fact debate with myself, as well as just talking to myself to make decisions and sometimes reprimand myself for certain things. I am in fact endlessly fascinated with my own mind. I know myself best and even I have barely scratched the surface of whatever the hell is going on in there. I do become very fixated and focused on a task, and if that task is a person, WELL; a lot of people tell me I'm too much and it's been a point of self doubt to be honest. But my therapist told me those people are simply too little. And it's helped me to remind myself that other people not being able to handle me for simply being me doesn't mean there's something wrong with the way I am/my personality.

And oh yes the CONNECTION. When I'm locked into a convo with someone who really stimulates my brain I get so excited sometimes I do the happy hand stims. My logical leaps getting verbalized and them matching that energy <33 ngh, one of the best feelings.

OH YES pattern analysis. GOD I LOVE JUST FIGURING EVERYTHING OUT ABOUT A THING. And yeah it's a bad idea to lie to me, not only am I observant and logical I'm also a Traumatized Individual [TM] and I can smell lies, bad moods, and manipulation from a mile away. Although I will occasionally simply let someone believe they're manipulating or taking advantage of me because it's a very fun and fascinating thing to watch from inside. Though it does annoy me when people get guilty for thinking they're "taking advantage of me" when I'm down or unstable or whatever. I'm a grownass man, and you're only doing this because I am specifically deciding to let you. I do have many theories and ideas, some of which I haven't finished thinking through. But I am completely honest, I don't tell lies, though if needed I will tell a half-truth for convenience and to minimize conflict. I don't tend to play devil's advocate on important moral topics, though unimportant things like opinion, sure, why not. I can try to see a different pov and explain something from that pov but I'm not going to act like certain illogical and cruel things are okay just to play the role.

I do in fact spend all day musing about ideas and possibilities; when I'm not practicing escapism. And yeah everyday work is hard, putting work into things over time gets boring and I lose interest fast if it doesn't stay engaging. Hence why I generally write stories in one go and edit along the way, never to return to them again. Fat chance I'm going to work on a fic or poem or story or song for more than the day I came up with it. And I am in fact a creative problem-solver. Though I've learned that not everyone actually WANTS to solve problems, sometimes they just want to let them sit there and continue being harmful. I am /sometimes/ baffled with human emotion. I have very large emotions myself (suspect it is due to the adhd) but I only really understand things I can relate to in some way or other. And even then sometimes my brain just glitches with other people and I don't really know what to do because I generally put logic first and am not sure how to react to someone who completely throws logic to the wind and acts on emotion alone (which is not as romantic and good and right as it sounds; emotions can be destructive). For example; someone's angry at their girlfriend so they start saying things that imply they hate /all/ women. While I can understand and empathize with being angry with a close one, I can't for the life of me understand letting emotions take the wheel that strongly to the point where you ignore the very obvious logic that not all women are the same and not every woman is your girlfriend.

Usually I offer support in things I know I can do for them like provide physical comfort, take them out for comfort food/activities or stay in with them and do something that comforts them, advise them if I have sufficient knowledge and experience in the topic, reassure them if that will help. I've found it's best to ask first what they think can help them even though my instinct is to help first and ask later. It used to be an issue until I started getting a better handle on emotions and instincts. Though occasionally I will be caught completely out of my depth and not know how to even begin to respond to a certain situation concerning other people's emotions. Like when someone feels like they're ugly; I'm not sure what to do; I can try to compliment them and tell them what I personally think and be specific, I can try to distract them, but I logically know that I cannot change the way someone thinks or feels about themselves quite so easily. And the fact that there may really be nothing I can do that will actually help can freeze me sometimes, especially with the memories of the times I've tried to help and fucked up/overstepped. And yeah, "analysis paralysis" is one way to say it lol. I get so stuck thinking about a thing I forget to actually do anything. Like when am I gonna do this housework? When am I gonna write? I don't know how to make a good plan so I'm just gonna lay here and do absolutely nothing.

[thedreamingscorpio]

Personal 4

Okay so I'm feeling really chatty today, have good energy levels, and don't feel the urge to cry, and so I noticed how I want to talk and share and my blog is messy, also that I'm in a sorta transformative stage right now, the knowledge that if I happen to get a college, we'll be shifting by this time next month and that I have to do a crash course in driving in the meantime, it's... Daunting.

I may be talking a lot lot from now on, also just noticed how cute the word lot is, also this is a grammatical blunder, distracted again, but anyway, I love you all so so much and it gives me comfort knowing that even though people present around me physically may not always get me and my brand of weird, I can rant here, get mushy and go on obnoxiously long speeches about my new hyper fixation. This is me, my antics, my thoughts, a substitute to the personal diary I never write in for over 20 days, the ups and downs of my every day, my love for things new and fascinating, me being an idiot, and my tears.

For your sake and mine, I'll be tagging things appropriately from now on, maybe create navigation? Idk, but yeah I will bring some structure into this, so you can read what and if you want to and not shove it down your throat. You see I remember tagging things, but then I'm like wait let me find that particular cat and just keep on scrolling endlessly and I'll be like, oh here it is, my friend will glance over expectantly, and then I'll be like oh no it's not that one, but still so cute, but you wanted the one with the crazy claws, lemme find it and it'll keep looping over like a gif every day. Don't want that to happen.

Also, I'll tag things because I tend to get way too emotional over nothing sometimes, like drying my childhood napkin, or how I read all of wiki over fruit bats, right down to the gore when I encounter one at 1 at night, you'll know if I fainted when seeing a cadaver for the first time or not(I soo want to tbh, I've never fainted ever, but then they gotta make the lab full of pillows and cushioned floors and for the floor to give off this wonderful scent to mask the formalin), or if I get locked into a bathroom, or maybe I won't get a college again(don't want that happening, am 99% sure it won't, got my OMR and all, but yeah I'm a skeptic so...)

But really I love love love it here, I can really talk about my utter inability to maintain/perform(Idk what's right?) small talk, why I don't want to meet my friends, even though they're super angry because of this very reason because I feel like I'll dampen their moods with mine, how I'm just scared of the most random things in general and sometimes feel like I want to go on a trek without phones and for the road to lead the way and we can talk like Robert Frost about the road not taken, or how and where it would've led us if we did, how I have simply too much energy sometimes(like today and then I go on writing such disgustingly long paragraphs, which either you haven't read in the first place, left midway or are still reading and thinking about my idiosyncrasies and have sighed around 4 times by now, or are wondering just why is this on your dash at all), in any case, I appreciate you to the depths of infinity(okay invalid) and am thankful for meeting you.

I think I'll finally check my mail now, call up the friend I want to talk to for about 15 days now but am putting off, answer my asks and actually get to some work, something I prefer to imagine about all day rather than getting to it.

Just in case you are wondering, why not make a personal blog, it's just that I'm too attached to my main and that I have a tendency to spiral into the dark and deep beyond what is considered a healthy amount, don't want to end up creating a gloomy space for me to get lost in, I'm flickering a lot since the past couple of days and so I'll try and keep everything as separate as possible.

I immensely appreciate your time and effort if you did get this far and I hope you have a great day ahead!