#i can't believe i didn't think about how they were chemical burns as a child

[touchlikethesun]

10, 11, and 12 for the ask game!

for this ask game <333

10. what band were you obsessed with as a child? do you still like them?

oh gosh my memory's really not the best i could not tell you for the life of me what music i was listening to before the age of 10... probably whatever was on the pop radio stations my mom liked... but the first band i really remember being obsessed with was the beach boys!! i saw them at a baseball game as part of some summer concert series when i was in elementary school and i wouldn't shut up about it for weeks to the point my uncle burned me a CD of what he considered to be their best tracks and it made my fucking year (this is the most american sentence i have ever typed omg)... i can't say the obsession lasted all that long, but yknow what the beach boys fucking rock!!! like wouldn't it be nice?? god only knows?? good vibrations????? all bangers the beach boys are awesome they knew the right vibes before "the right vibes" was even a phrase <3

11. what is the best live music show you've ever been to?

AHHH WHAT A GREAT QUESTION I LOVE LIVE SHOWS SO MUCH!!!!!! this might surprise some irls but the best live shows i've been to are not in fact any of the bts concerts, those mean a lot to me for other reasons and i think bangtan are some of the best performers like ever, they really know how to do a live show right

but i think the best experience i've ever had at a live show was this past summer when my flatmate invited me out to see her friend's band perform, they haven't recorded any of their music professionally yet so i can't link to any spotify, but they had a fucking phenomenal sound it was super unique, like rock but with jazz instruments, and the crowd was incredible as well i've never danced so much in my life

i think what makes live music so great is two fold, obvs the music should be good, but the importance of a good crowd should not be underestimated, and as i get older and i have the opportunity to explore local scenes more, i find that smaller live shows tend to leave me... happier? more fulfilled?? the sense of connection i think is stronger in smaller settings, and i've made some good friends by showing up to concerts in rec centres and dive bars - if you are so inclined, i highly recommend looking into what's going on in your local music scene, it's typically a lot more accessible than you'd think (or, it was more accessible than i thought it would be when i started looking around a few years back)

12. who is a band or artist that you've never seen that you're dying to see?

so after everything i just said lol... there's a really easy answer to this: my chemical romance. i had tickets to their 2020 concert, but it kept getting pushed back bc of the pandemic, and by the time they actually performed i didn't live anywhere near where the concert i had tickets for was and i thought it would be impossible to get there.

i should have just gone. i really regret not finding a way there mcr are just truly exceptional, and i've been obsessed with them since i was 12, the next time they go on tour (there will be a next time!!!!! i just have to believe it) i will move heaven and earth if i have to to attend xx

[watch-grok-brainrot]

ajsksk hey! i'm so sorry for not taking time earlier but i've got a little bit of time rn. christmas is a very busy time for my family since my brother's birthday follows right after the christmas days on the 28th!! and then my birthday is on the fifth january and y'know we cook a lot of food and bake a lot.

i can't for the life of me remember if i sent an ask already, but yeah the emojis where wwx. i thought going with a skull would be too obvious so i went with something that could've been wen ning too, except for the paint. which is kind of a reference to the fact that in a lot of modern aus wwx is an artist and that in canon he drew lwj!!

some questions: do you prefer spicy, sour or sweet food? i'm not a fan of spicy things since i have a low tolerance (in contrast to my siblings and my father), i actually quite like eating sour things because i think it's really enjoyable. you could see me biting happily into a lemon just so i can taste the sourness. i like sweet things too!!

did you have any wishes for christmas? and if yes, did you get it? i got a new game called ghost of tsushima, it's set in ancient japan and is about the samurai jin sakai and his journey of freeing his homeland from the mongols. which kind of results in him going against the samurai codex so that he can protect his people. that's how he earns the title "the ghost" (while yeah his uncle insists that jin would never go against his teachings and the samurai codex, which... he kind of does but also doesn't?? it's hard because he is the last real samurai in tsushima and they're at war). anyways, sorry for ranting!!

do you have any tattoos or would you like to get any? if the latter, what would it be? if not, why wouldn't you want any?

i hope you have a fun day 💞 - ❄🐇

i like all food? there’s a sichuan flavor profile called “fish fragrance” and it’s garlic, ginger, green onions, sugar, and vinegar mixed with sichuan spicy bean paste. So can i just say yes? look. fish fragrant eggplant is one of my top favorite vegetarian dishes. OMG so gooooood. so is fish fragrant pork... which sounds weird but is DELCIOUS... mmmmm... i like eating sour things too. definitely guilty of giving myself chemical burns from warheads as a kid... did anyone else do that? lol. 

uh... wishes for xmas? i was hoping for something but it was really expensive and i didn’t actually ask for it. i didn’t get it but i don’t mind.  i did get tea though! and teas i don’t usually drink or buy for myself!! so i’m excited! :D japanese teas are not something i end up exploring often... i still don’t know if one of the teas i got is an oolong or a black tea though... it’s labeled oolong black ginger or something like that. looks like a black tea... but maybe a roasted oolong? ope. the ginger smells are AMAZING in that tea and overpower other notes... so i’ll have to brew it and guess. i’m so excited to try it! I also got a yuzu sencha that might have matcha mixed in... so i’ll have to find my good filter for it... and a hojicha. mmmmm. tea! 

i don’t have any tattoos. I am unlikely to get any. it’s mostly because i don’t want to permanently put something on my body. i only have my ear lobes pierced. I’m fairly conservative/reserved... except for the streak of color i have in my hair... but i can always grow that out... i say this but i’ve had a streak of color in my hair since 2006... so eh? lol. other people want tattoos? by all means. I'll admire the pretty and have things to talk to people about. i love so many of my friends’ tattoos! one of my friend has what he calls a nerd barcode. he has a D&D dragon ampersand, a cow-like wolf from wheel of time, and something else that i can’t remember. those are all things HE WILL TALK ABOUT so having it on his arm is pretty neat. He also has a biohaz symbol on his chest. something about a game he used to play. idk. another one of my friends does a lot of amtgard and has chainmail/armor patterns on his upper arm. really neat looking. if i got one, it would probably be something octopus related or an inside joke with my husband... but like i said, i don’t really want a tattoo. 

<3 

[pipipinyyy]

Explaining why I have added every song in my entire and very long Niragi playlist because I can and because over analyzing him is my passion (I usually update it from time to time but I'll do it with the current songs)

Completely self indulgent post, but I decided to share to feed my fellow Niragi stans (*˙︶˙*)☆*°

This is entirely based on my view of the songs and how I interpret them while thinking about Niragi. I'm aware that most of them have entirely different meanings, this is just for fun :) (Also sorry if my explanations don't make much sense, English is not my first language and I might make mistakes when trying to put my feelings and thoughts into words)

This may contain manga/s2 spoilers

Hayloft-Mother Mother: Vibes

Criminal-Britney Spears: The whole song describes him ("he is a sucker with a gun") and the fandom's obsession ("mama I'm in love with a criminal")

Daddy Issues-The Neighborhood: I feel like he would act like this, using the most vulnerable spots to pick on someone ("cry little girl, nobody does it like you do")

Psycho-Jin Dogg, OVER KILL: Vibes

Riot-Hollywood Undead: He'd definitely start a riot like he did in the 10 of hearts, burning and destroying anything that crosses his path

Bitches-Mindless Self Indulgence: He most likely thinks he's a total fuckboy and popular with girls since he can get almost anything he wants out of scarying people

Baby's on Fire-Die Antwoord: Vibes

Insane in the Brain-Cypress Hill: This man is being consumed by his own way of protecting himself

Wolf in Sheep's Clothing-Set It Off: Based on how he feels towards the people who hurt him in the past ("Listen, mark my words, one day, you will pay" "You've always been a huge piece of shit, if I could kill you, I would" "Karma is gonna come collect your debt")

Death no more-IC3PEAK: Vibes

Gasoline-I Prevail: Sort of similar to Riot, ("So burn it all down, burn it all down, I don't give a fuck")

Toxic-Britney Spears: The whole fandom knows how much of a piece of shit this dude can be, but we still find ourselves liking/enjoying his character (to an extent), a toxic addiction

Nice Guy-GRLwood: As much as I love this man, he'd use the "I'm a nice guy c'mon" card just to fuck. If he wants to, he'll get it, if he doesn't, he'll most likely get mad

Dernière danse-Indila: Vibes

TRRST-IC3PEAK: Mostly vibes, I kinda see this song as how he felt the first time he killed someone on purpose inside the borderlands ("mama they say I'm a terrorist, I did nothing wrong but I got on the blacklist")

Saint Bernard-Lincoln: Vibes

Nowhere To Run-Stegosaurus Rex: Being with him at the Beach would either be ignoring each other completely or a game of tag, no inbetween. If this man wants to kill you, he'll get his fun time out of it as well ("You're gonna die, I'm gonna kill you")

The House of Wolves-Bring Me The Horizon: Based on how he sees life after being consumed by his current mental state ("Show me a sign, show me a reason to give a solitary fuck about your god damn beliefs" "What you call faith, I call a sorry excuse")

Smells Blood-Kensuke Ushio: Vibes

SIU-Maretu: Similar to Daddy Issues, don't expect this man to be a therapist. If he sees anyone crying or panicking in or outside a game, he'd most likely tell them to suck it up, just like this song.

Judgement-Kensuke Ushio: Vibes

MONSTER ENERGY GUN!-KevinKempt: Vibes + He for sure has an energy drink addiction, specially pre-borderlands

HURT-1 800 PAIN: Vibes

Fear Is The Mind Killer-Zheani: Vibes

I Bet on Losing Dogs: Based on how I know Niragi is toxic, and most likely unsaveable of his deteriorating mental state, but I still have him as my biggest comfort character ("I bet on losing dogs, I know they're losing and I'll pay for my place")

Emo Boy-Ayesha Erotica: He's been in an emo phase (and maybe still is), the lyrics are pretty self explanatory, they describe us Niragi simps perfecrly ("come on fuck me emo boy")

Crybaby-Destroy Boys: Vibes

The Fox's Wedding-MASA Works DESIGEN: Vibes

You're a useless child-Kikuo: We don't know much about his past, but judging by the unstoppable bullying he's suffered, his parents didn't care about him, or were straight up absent. He's been insulted by pretty much everyone in his past to the point of believing it and telling those things to himself ("You're a useless child, the most useless child in this world" "Drool in snot, dandruff, shit and piss" "I'm a useless child" "Nobody will save me" "I'm a lonely kid")

Take A Slice-Glass Animals: Vibes

Fighting With The Melody-Jimmy Urine: Vibes

Comics-Caravan Palace: Vibes

Rhinestone Eyes-Gorillaz: Vibes

Butch 4 Butch-Rio Romero: Mostly vibes, sort of how I think the most "peacefull" moments in a relationship with him would feel like, kind of bittersweet feeling

Suki Suki Daisuki-Jun Togawa: Yandere Niragi. If he's interested in someone, he'd go through an obsessive phase, most likely forcing the other person to "love" him. This man is so confused about the feeling of love that he's unable to tell when he loves someone or when he's obsessed with them due to his lack of attention ("Like you, like you, I love you. Say you love me or I'll kill you")

:(-The Garden: Vibes

Kitty City-Cyriak Harris: Vibes

Blood-My Chemical Romance: If Niragi went to a therapist, he'd act like this song, with his signature cocky and sarcastic personality (at least before he gets better) ("I can't control myself because I don't know how" "They can fix me proper with a bit of luck" "I'm the kind of human wreckage that you love")

A Mask of My Own Face-Lemon Demon: He feels like he needs to protect himself or else he will get hurt inside the borderlands by others again. He uses another personality, a completely ruthless one, even if he doesn't like it and hates himself for it, he doesn't see another way to deal with his fear, allowing his "new self" to consume himself. ("I'd wear that mask of my own face" "I look into my eyeholes and what do I see? A handsome motherfucker motherfucking looking back at me")

I'm a Murderer-Freddie Dredd: Mostly vibes ("I'm a motherfucking murderer")

'Cause I'm a Liar-Mcki Robyns-P: He would lie just for fun even in serious situations. If he needs to manipulate someone to survive, he'll do it his way, after all, he doesn't care anymore, he just seeks for excitement. ("Without emotion, without devotion. It's much easier to fake something happy")

I Disagree-Poppy: I don't know exactly how to describe it, but I feel like this is how he sees and feels the world and those around him, feeling misunderstood and going his own way ("If only all of you could see the world I see, then maybe everyone could live in harmony")

Personal Jesus-Mindless Self Indulgence: He has a superiority complex, that's for sure. I don't think he sees himself as a god, but I see him joking about it

Rainbow Factory-GLAZE, WoodenToaster: Vibes

Frontier Psychiatrist-The Avalanches: I kinda see this as Aguni taking the role of Niragi's "father figure" inside the borderlands, realizing he's turning insane and is unable to control him ("That boy needs therapy")

Hate it. Hate it. "JIGAHIDAI!"-WADATAKEAKI Kurage P: Jealousy. I can see it either in a pre-borderland situation where he hates the popular students in school, or inside the borderlands hating both Chishiya and Arisu. Jealousy takes over him constructing a big ego, causing himself to develop his superiority complex ("You see, I hate that popular girl!" "Does she think I don't notice? How she looks at me as if I'm trash" "I want to be praised" "I'm different from you all, I have my own ego! I'm not a side character" "I have zero common sense. I'm special")

Villain-Stella Jang: He knows damn well he's a villain, that's his goal after all, but what if someone took his point of view? wouldn't the villains be all of those who hurted him in the first place? ("We all pretend to be the heroes on the good side, but what if we are the villains on the other")

Violent-carolesdaughter: This is how I view an argument inside a relationship with Niragi. He's used to violence, to cause fear, and getting what he wants, so being in a healthy relationship would require a lot of patience and strenght. While he's getting better and suppressing those violent actions, there will be times where he accidentally uses violence or threatens the other person unintentionally, mostly hurting himself and his partner psychologically. The lyrics change between both points of view ("Don't make me get violent, I want my ring back baby that's a diamond" "She knows I'm a wreck" "I gave you all my trust and I told you just don't break it")

Hey Bunny-Baby Bugs: Based on how I think it would feel to partner up with him inside the borderlands and catching feelings for him while knowing the huge mess he is ("Hey bunny, what's with those evil eyes?" "Hey bunny, what the hell is wrong with us?" "Hey bunny, what if I loose you too? If I become the monster, together we can always be blue")

Kokoronashi-majiko: I'm pretty sure Niragi isn't able to see himself as someone able to love, even if he doesn't want to be alone (just like when he confesses this feeling while fighting with Chishiya and Arisu). If someone truly loved him and was willing to not letting him go, it would hurt. He can't see himself as someone who can love or be loved, so he can't accept the love he's seeking for in case that turns him "weaker" making his true self confront with the protective mean personality he's created. He could learn how to accept it, so he might want the other person to stay in the end, but it wouldn't be easy for him to accept it ("It's awful, I'd rather you destroy my body, tear it to sheds, do as you please" "No matter how much I'm loved by you, my heart is just one" "I don't know this, don't leave me alone")

Nightmare Parade-FAKE TYPE.: Vibes

Slipping Through My Fingers-Meryl Streep, Amanda Seyfried: Niragi seeing himself loosing his young, gentle and caring personality due to his fear, being unable to control what's happening inside, nostalgia and sadness kicking in ("The feeling that I'm loosing her forever" "That funny little girl" "Sometimes I wish that I could freeze the picture and save it from the funny tricks of time")

Kuroneko No Tango-Pink Martini, The Von Trapps: Vibes

YKWIM?-Yot Club: Him confroting his feelings of loneliness when he's left alone with his thoughts ("It feels like I care too much when I'm alone, oh no")

Romantic Lover-Eyedress: Just appreciating his physical appearance ("She's a killer, I love her features")

Wrecking Ball-Mother Mother: Based on how he sees himself as someone who needs to destroy everything in a way or another in order to be powerful + the fun he has with it ("Call me a reckless wrecking ball" "Let's break it just because we can")

Edge-Rezz: Vibes

Freaks-Surf Curse: Again, confronting feelings when loving someone, but not in such a painful as Kokoronashi ("I need a place to stay where I can cover up my face" "Don't cry, I'm just a freak")

Little Bit-Lykke Li: Vibes

6up 5oh Cop-Out (Pro/Con)-Will Wood and the Tapeworms: Vibes

PHONKY TOWN-PlayaPhonk: Vibes

I WANNA BE YOUR SLAVE-Måneskin: Freaky time. He would absolutely love this song, definitely his type of thing ("You could be the beauty and I could be the monster" "I wanna touch your body so fucking electric" "I wanna make you hungry, then I wanna feed you")

#BrooklynBloodPop!-SyKo: Vibes

A Cold Freezin' Night-The Books: Vibes

A Pearl-Mitski: My most favorite song to associate with Niragi. Represents his evolution as a character. Creating an scenario where he is loved by someone,he rejects it at first, acting tough ("I don't want your touch") and then proceeds to explain why ("It's just that I fell in love with a war, nobody told me it ended" "it left a pearl in my hand and I roll it around every night just to watch it glow") the war being the borderlands and his new personality, he loved it, but nobody drew a line and it's getting out of hand. The pearl is the feeling of power, the one he has to remember when feeling weak just to feel something. At the end of the song it changes to ("Sorry I can't take your touch"), realizing that he wants love, but he's not able to take it or else he'll become the Niragi from the past

Problematic-Bo Burnham: Him acknowledging his problematic actions but not wanting to apologize because he doesn't feel the need to. He knows he's done bad things but he is going to laugh at it and be a sarcastic mf about it

First Love/Late Spring-Mitski: Similar to Kokoronashi, he wouldn't be able to accept love and how it makes him feel. He would think that he prefers for everyone to hate him and be lonely instead of sacrificing his tougher side. Also talks about how he's grown way too quickly for him to understand feelings properly ("So please hurry leave me, I can't breathe, please don't say you love me" "One word from you and I would jump out of this ledge I'm on baby" "I was so young when I behaved 25, yet now I find I've grown into a tough child"

The Other Side Of Paradise-Glass Animals: Vibes

Bodybag-Chloe Moriondo: How I feel about liking his character, confronting feelings basically ("Don't know if I hate you or if I wanna date you" "I don't wanna like you, I just wanna tie you up, then keep you in a cage and watch you sleep for ages"

Get Into It (Yuh)-Doja Cat: Vibes

Psycho Killer-2005 Remaster- Talking Heads: Vibes

HOT DEMON B!TCHES NEAR U!!!-CORPSE, Night Lovell: Vibes

INFERNO-Sub Urban, Bella Poarch: Again, another song that describes him pretty well ("Baby I'm the reason why hell's so hot" "Terribly like terrible, she's a villain" "Think I'm getting butterflies but it's really something telling me to run away")

Bad Morning-Omori: Vibes

Trouble Brewing: Vibes

Dueles Tan Bien-Bruses: Another song about my confronting feelings with this man ("You know what? You taste better than alcohol to me. You know that and you've got control" "Because you hurt, and you hurt so good that I don't know what to do")

And that's it!! This took me the whole day to write but it makes me very happy to be able to share it :)

I've you've read the entire thing, hope you enjoyed the character analysis! ლ(◞‿◟ლ)

[boop-le-snoot]

PARTY FAVOURS | CHAPTER 19

First time reader click here

Summary+TWs: We're talking serious feelings here, okay? Reader, you're literally emotionally illiterate. You also have PTSD, which is finally addressed - kinda. Bruce does his best. And he also knows how to kiss... But y'all know that if you read my ramblings about lucid dreaming/shifting/whatever... Chile-, anyways...

My phone kept buzzing and I ignored it until Bruce declared it was time to take a break and review the results. Whilst the man was typing up the data on a nearby StarkPad, I fought the sudden influx of messages that I received from haters and supporters alike after Tony decided on tweeting a reply that could be interpreted in an alarming variety of ways. It was a smart move, I'll admit, but a fucking bother for me nonetheless.

Disabling my DMs and dealing with a follower increase in the thousands wasn't hard; I didn't consider myself a problematic asshole and didn't need to be afraid of "exposure". The parties I went to - I doubted there was any blackmail material in there and the few nudes I'd sent over the years were always face-less. As a gen Z, I knew my internet safety.

The trolls didn't bother me either. It was more sad than annoying, people shitting on others for clout. Iron Man stans were witty, at least, if jealous. I must admit I've never considered the influx of popularity I would experience should I publicly out myself as a friend of Tony's. Girlfriend? Intern? Science child? Whatever cover story he was going to feed the press worked for me, as long as I still got the hugs, the kisses, the dick and the attention.

"Tony..." Bruce groaned, evidently done with the data processing, had to have opened his social media to see his own skyrocketing popularity.

"Yeah, our Tony is being a Tony again," I chuckled, having reset my social media settings so my phone wouldn't constantly beep, vibrate and bother me. School was going to be fun.

Bruce shook his head, fond, coming over to my side of the lab after removing his own hazmat suit. His eyes shiny with newfound knowledge and hair turned adorably fluffy in the confines of the head covering. He was smiling softly. "Food?"

"Sure."

We chewed our sandwiches in silence for a moment, each of us lost in our thoughts.

"I still can't believe Tony told everyone on Twitter you're his girlfriend, usually he keeps this stuff private or schedules a fancy press conference," Bruce's tone was thoughtful.

I raised an eyebrow. "Is that what it was? Seemed ambiguous to me..." I trailed off, confused.

"He worded it like that on purpose, I mean, you're still in high school," The scientist was confident in his words. "But I know Tony. I'm a hundred percent sure that he meant exactly that. Aren't you?"

Shock flooded me. Suddenly, I understood I completely misread the situation. "Um, no? I thought we were, y'know, just fucking. We never defined our relationship and we're definitely not exclusive." I said, chewing on my lip. "You make a valid argument, I'm a high school student and he's a grown ass man that does grown man stuff. Putting aside the fact that he could have anybody in the world so why would he choose me?" I was rambling, thinking out loud. Discussing my feelings has never my strong forte. "It would be stupid to impose monogamy on such a complex man like Tony. Downright idiotic to expect a genius to confine to social norms just because it suits others." I finished with a wave of my hand. Another bubble of thought that had festered within me for the longest time. I felt relieved, finally voicing it out loud. A weight had been lifted off my shoulders, a weight I wasn't previously consciously aware of.

Bruce was watching me intently, with an unreadable expression that held the tiniest bit of awe, admiration perhaps. The silence that followed was unnerving. I fidgeted with my hands, not really knowing where to put them or where to look.

"You know," He took off his glasses, fiddling them in his hands. "I'm not going to sugar coat it. For the longest time, I thought you were going to inadvertently hurt him when you get bored with whatever you've got going on. I respect you, don't misunderstand me, but you are young. Now, I've changed my mind. You've changed my mind," He punctuated his statement with his hand on mine, grasping it. "I think you managed to understand him in a way most people can't. Or don't want to. Understand and accept him in a way that some of us can't even after years of working and living side by side with him." Bruce's gentle fingers skimmed along the top of my palm.

"I don't always understand Tony but I do accept him," I agreed. "Because Tony is a great man."

"I think you're in love with him," Bruce said, absolutely having ignored my previous statement. Just like that, point blank, he pushed to the surface the very feelings I got so good at ignoring. There was no rest for me in this place.

My heart fluttered, picking up the pace. I kept my mouth shut, not trusting it whatsoever. My thoughts became akin to panicked hares, jumping and zigzagging aimlessly in my skull. I didn't see the point in defending myself because the scientist had pointed out the obvious.

Bruce looked at me, softly, warmly. "And don't think we haven't noticed the rise in team morale. The improvement not only in communication, but on the battlefield, too. It's easier to entrust your back to someone with whom you've shared a laugh and a drink the previous night. You're the glue that keeps us together."

Something warm and wet was on my cheeks. I stared at our clasped hands, his words echoing in my head over and over and over. The moment I realized I was crying, I willed myself to stop and failed spectacularly - only more salty fluid streamed down, some of it getting in my nose, on my lips. The sleepless nights were making me unstable.

It took a single sniffle for Bruce to pick me up and wrap up in his kind embrace. I didn't resist, tucking my face into the crook of his neck, holding onto the back of his lab coat, inhaling the smell of his skin and chemicals. It was familiar, calming. Minutes ticked by with me slowly leaking the tension out of my body.

"He loves you, too, maybe he just doesn't realize it yet." Bruce whispered into my hair. "I've never seen Tony so happy, even with Pepper. You are special and you are loved."

There was something unsaid, I felt it. It hung in the ear, it burned the tips of my ears, stood sharp on the tip of my tongue. "I love you too, Bwucie-bear," I whispered into the space between his ear and his jaw. His arms tightened around me.

The man placed several chaste kisses in my hair, running a palm over my back. In moments like these, the crush for him, the very crush that got out of control, blossomed fully into a deep sense of respect and admiration. He made me feel safe. He said all the right words at the right time.

Drowsiness overtook me. As usual, any worries and anxieties I had evaporated, once Banner had his arms around me, shielding me from the world. I didn't forbid myself this time: delicately, my hand slipped through the man's soft messy curls, eliciting a contented sigh.

"You haven't been sleeping well," He more stated than asked.

I had no choice but to nod. "Clint keeps dying in my dreams. Or even worse, he doesn't, he just suffers, endlessly, painfully." I admitted.

Bruce flinched under me, tensing. My face was in between his hands in a second, the scientist sternly looking into my eyes. "Why didn't you say anything? All of us assumed you were okay after what happened." He looked - angry. Not Hulk-out pissed but Bruce-pissed, which equalled a kicked-puppy look seasoned with a great pinch of disappointment.

"I am okay." I lied, shamelessly. "It's getting better. That's why I want to have a party - relax a little, dance, socialize. I don't think Tony would let me go on my own so I figured I can convince him to throw one here." I looked away. It was better for everyone if I dealt with my own problems - they were superheroes, not babysitters.

Bruce frowned. "Why wouldn't Tony let you go?"

"Because of that one time I snorted coke," I rolled my eyes at Bruce's naiveté, leaving the less obvious parts unsaid. Tony knew exactly what I was going to do once I got free reign, he considered it destructive and told me so himself. Admittedly, he had a point but still... I wished I'd been given a choice.

"I'll talk to him," Bruce nodded firmly. "That's not acceptable. He can't forbid you from making mistakes and learning from them."

He was met with my shrug. No excitement came from me regarding this particular turn of conversation. I was drained, limbs like jello, thoughts sluggish. My face was drooping.

"Let's get you to bed," Banner stood up with me wrapped around him. "You need a nap."

"No," I protested. If I went to sleep now, only Satan knew at what ungodly hour I would wake up.

"Yes, Princess," Bruce smirked. I wiggled uncomfortably - when he went all caretaker like, my ovaries wreaked havoc on my body and brain. My thoughts weren't appropriate if Bruce wanted me to see him as a father figure. The signals he was sending were mixed. People around me did that a lot and I wasn't sure how to act so I usually just went with the flow. I decided to do the very same thing in that particular moment.

Curiosity sparked within me, tightly interwoven with the deep longing that settled below my collarbones whenever Tony or one of the others wasn't sitting next to me or talking my ear off. I've almost forgotten how it was to be alone with my thoughts. The maze of my very own self was becoming unfamiliar territory. Alarming.

I allowed Bruce to help me shed my shoes and outer layer of clothing, shivering in the coolness of my room. Despite being a frequent visitor, I still had a 'guest' room in the tower - I mostly stayed at Tony's or Wanda's anyways. During our sleepovers neither me nor the witch minded sharing her enormous bed, to be fair, we could have fit at least two more people in it besides us. Tony took care of his own - all the tower's residents had their apartments furnished with the best stuff.

"Sleep now, Princess," Bruce chastised, tucking a blanket around me, having noticed an earbud in my ear and my smartphone in my hand. I had hoped to kill some time online, damn well knowing sleep wouldn't come easy.

"I don't think I can fall asleep, Bruce," I admitted, looking away. There was just so much going on. My brain wouldn't shut up and if I couldn't drown out the cacophony by being productive, I'd troll the internet, as usual.

Banner sighed, coming to sit next to me, leaning against the headboard. Gently running his fingers through my hair, brushing the outside of his palm against my cheek. "How do you usually deal with this?"

Involuntarily, my eyelashes fluttered. "Tony does most of the work," I admitted coyly. The engineer had a whole arsenal of tricks up his sleeve - sexy and exhausting tricks.

"I see," Bruce muttered, thoughtfully.

I opened my eyes to see him looking down at me with a look I haven't seen before. The usual mildly absent, slightly anxious face he wore was replaced by something I could only describe as hurt envy, like a kid looking at their schoolmate who had all the newest, coolest toys. I used to be on the receiving end of that look far too often and I hated it.

I hid my face against his leg, rubbing my cheek on the raspy corduroy fabric of his pants. "Got any good ideas of your own?" I wondered lowly, thinking about what in the world possessed Bruce to wear corduroy trousers on a semi-casual day, in the twenty-first century.

"Only bad ideas," He replied in a matching low tone. His soft fingertips relocated to my nape, goosebumps rising down my back.

"Humour me," I grinned against his leg.

Bruce was quiet for a moment, the sound of his thinking screaming louder than any words could have done. Knowing the scientist so closely, I found out he was full of surprises - bolder than he appeared outwardly and competitive to a boot. He thought he had a lot to prove to himself and by extension, to others. The unknown, the mystery dangling in front of my nose was exhilarating, trepidation addictive. It took me away from the chaos in my mind.

A gentle grasp on my chin had me turning to look upwards, Bruce's face flushed and focused on my own, open and trusting. He needed to see the obvious, that I trusted him to take care of me. He pulled and I followed, sitting up on my elbows, coming up to his shoulder level, our faces inches apart, enveloped in the unique, intense scent of his herbal tea. It was a tart, strong smell and it suited his quiet but passionate character.

Once, twice, I caught my eyes sliding to his plump lips. They looked far too appealing in this position. I usually strategically stayed away from positions so compromising, fearing the very thing that I'd already let happen, however this time the atmosphere was different. We stood on ambiguous grounds, waiting for Bruce to make a decision.

The man wasn't stupid, he saw the way I looked at him. The nightmares and inability to take a break from life put a significant dent in my resolve to keep a distance between us, romantically - I could have settled even for a pity kiss, a pity fuck. Anything to put my brain on pause.

His lips were softer than I had imagined. Skilled, too, he easily steered the kiss into the shallow waters of our combined longing.

With Tony, it was like an avalanche. Tony ran hot like Peterbilt engines, hard and fast, almost angry in his race for satisfaction. Tony was a man that was used to getting whatever he wanted and it became plainly obvious when we fucked.

Bruce was the opposite. He savoured the kiss, losing himself in a way that could almost be described as delicate. Bruce was humming, softly, as we tasted each other, holding the left side of my face with careful fingertips. Almost as if he was afraid to break me. The feel of his skin on mine was soothing in a way that made me sigh and relax even further.

"Wanna make you feel good." His voice had dropped, gone husky, but his breathing held even. He must know all about self-control.

"Yeah," I was ready to agree with whatever the fuck he was offering. My eyelids remained shut.

THE TAG LIST IS NOW OPEN! @another-stark-sub ​ @mostly-marvel-musings  @vozit ​ @littlegasps ​ @pilloclock ​ @shereadsinquiet @downeyreads ​ @hermione-grangers-wife ​ @individualistfem ��� @sleep-i-ness @capbrie @lillsxd @agustdowney @dee-vn @justanotherblonde23 @fanngirl19 @persephonehemingway @softie-socks @schemefrenzy @letsby @cutenessloading @romeo-the-cactus @jelly-fishy-babie

PS. Letsby, please don't combust. The underwear is coming off in the next chapter. 😶

[cottoncandyjester]

Let sleeping dogs lie(salem backstory)

People have been asking a ton of questions about salem and his backstory so i decided to answer them in one big post.

This story contains: a lot of child abuse, death, cannibalism, childhood trauma, all around bad times for salem

Salem was a dog, not a child. He slept in a cage,ate scraps and was abused to the point where blood was a permanent taste in his mouth. His brother on the other hand was the perfect child, salem didn't know why his mother loved axis more than him but salem was to believe that something was wrong with him

The truth was that nothing was wrong with salem, he was actually quite gifted in singing and would sing himself to sleep when the late nights scare him. Salem was deemed an ugly child from his mother, his eyes were dead and empty..he never smiled in his life and he doesn't even know how to laugh.

Salem hated axis, he hated axis with every fiber of his being. He hated that axis was treated like royalty while he was dragged through hell just to live, how come axis was so perfect?

The worst part of it was that axis was so sweet to salem, he would sneak down and give salem food when their mother isn't watching. Salem thought axis was just belittling him and that made him hate him more

It wasn't fair, none of this was fair. His mother was supposed to love him more than anything, why was axis so special?!

"your father was an ugly man, a monster and you look just like him..those demon eyes. It's natural for any mother to love the more beautiful child. You're only here cause you are make a lovely trash can"

Maybe asking his mother wasn't the best option, it only broke salem more. Salem finally broke after that, he snuck into axis' room that night. Axis had a fever so the window and door was wide open to cool him off, salem let out a shaky sigh as he walked towards the sleeping boy

Its not fair

I was born first

It's not fair

Even sleeping he looked perfect, salem opened the bottle of chemicals and poured it over axis' eyes. The sounds of screaming and choked sobbing flooded the room as salem stared at his younger brother his eyes being empty of any emotions.

He got beaten extra hard that night, he ruined his mother's perfect little boy so it was only natural for her to want him dead, but it seems she had a far better idea for him.

The next morning he was sold like some rusted toy, a rich family wanted to treat their son to an early birthday present and a commoner slave seemed to be the perfect gift.

"but it's not salem's fault he was just really mad at me! I swear it doesn't hurt anymore!"

Hearing axis sob and cry for him only made salem hate him more, damn him for being so kind.

Salem felt someone force his head up and his blank eyes stared into blue ones, there he met his master.

Hikaru looked beautiful to salem, a pretty boy dressed in pink. He dazzled like a star and the utter sight of him made salem blush.

It seems that hikaru wasn't as sweet as he looked, salem wasn't sure which was worse his mother or hikaru. Salem was forced to wear a shiny collar and crawl around on all fours, he truly was a dog. Hikaru trained him to be obedient and submissive, salem started to forget that he was even human

Hikaru's family were rich and dirty, they could get away with anything even murder. Salem was their dog and as such they fed him whatever remains of the victim they dealt with.

Eating human remains seems to have been the last nail on the coffin when it comes to his sanity, he had finally lost it.

His mind had broke and he couldn't function as a normal person anymore, he wanted nothing but death.

When salem turned 15 years old the toment was too much for him, the constant abuse from hikaru and his family had not only broke him mentally but physically as well, the amount of blunt Force trauma gave him enough brain damage to most likely kill him.

One thing salem hated most of all was the abandonment of his own mother, she was a horrible person but he still loves her yet he despised her for leaving him. He just wanted someone who wouldn't leave, someone who will stay by his side no matter what.

Salem had slit his throat that night, it was hikaru who had found him choking on his own blood and stitched him up before he died. Hikaru was nicer to salem after that, instead of a stray he was treated much like a beloved pet. Salem wasn't sure if it was the stockholm syndrome or what but he grew attached to hikaru

As the two got older their relationship started to become far more twisted, hikaru started using salem for sexual pleasure and salem of course let it happen.

Hikaru's version of sexual pleasure involved hardcore violence, things such as burning and branding filled his excitement. Salem felt as if he owed hikaru his life, hikaru was his master after all and as a lowly dog you do as you were told. Sex slowly became salem's high, he wanted more and more to the point where he would go to other people in hikaru's family, begging to be touched to be used. People don't leave of you offer them sex, that was the one lesson salem learned

When salem turned 19 he was reunited with his brother once more, seems like axis got into the same school hikaru was in thanks to an art scholarship and so the two met and became 'friends'.

Salem as this point was on his way to becoming a drooling mutt, the amount of abuse and trauma he dealt with messed with his brain beyond repair.

When the two brothers reconnected salem didn't remember his brother much, he could barley remember his own name some days. Axis still adored salem with every fiber of his being even if his blindness was salem's fault. Hikaru had no intention of giving salem up, after all salem was his wonderful pet and any pet owner would be sad to give up a family pet.

"i-i want my brother back, please.."

"is that so? Salem what do you think about that?"

Salem, who sat on the floor with his head nuzzled against hikaru's lap shuddered at the thought of not having hikaru. Was hikaru leaving just like his mother?! He couldn't stand it, he can't handle someone else leaving his life or discarding him.

"no no no no no no, ah- no!"

Salem started to spiral at the very thought, why did everyone leave him? Why can't anyone stay for him?! What's wrong with him that makes him just so unloveable?

Salem didnt go back to axis that night, but axis never stopped trying. Every single day he came to bother hikaru into releasing the hold on his brother.

Salem's feelings for his brother were neutral, he was too messed up in the head to clearly piece together how exactly he felt but he didnt hate him anymore

Salem didn't want to leave hikaru and hikaru wasn't finished playing with salem, wherever hikaru went salem did too those two were far too toxic to each other and still are incredibly toxic.

After all salem was just a damaged dog and he only had everyone around him to blame, it's a wonder how he would turn out if he was raised normally.

[mshermia]

No. 13 - The Winter Air - Part III

Whumptober 2020 Prompt No. 13 - Breathe In, Breathe Out

Delayed Drowning | Chemical Pneumonia | Oxygen Mask

Part I

Part II

###

The house was quiet and dark. Morgan really seemed to be asleep in his arms this time. Her breathing was deep and strong. In contrast, he tried to keep his own shallow, scared that any excess movement even of his chest might wake her back up.

So he stayed quiet and completely still until he saw the lights outside of his window. Carefully and slowly he maneuvered himself out of his own bed, cradling Morgan's head that had been cushioned on his chest until he had moved it onto the pillow instead. He snuck to the door and stole out of the room before May and Happy had even made it into the house. At least that meant there was no light for the hallway was dark and silent, nothing that could disturb the little girl

"FRI, 20% lights please."

"Of course, Peter."

He made it down the stairs just as the two adults unlocked the front door.

"How is he?" His voice sounded small and hoarse.

"Oh, honey, come here..." May's hands were in him in moments, pulling him into her arms. His eyes closed, he counted to 5, indulging her. "You okay, hm? No cough?" Her hand ran through his hair, along his face, pressed a kiss against his forehead.

"How is Tony?" he finally asked. "What... what is happening? I don't... I don't understand!"

"Come on, bud, let's just..." Happy sighed, one hand on his shoulder. "Let's get out of the hallway at least."

They positively dragged him into the living room, made him sit on the couch just next to where the blankets were still lying that Pepper had pulled all around Mr. Stark.

"Please..." His try to keep the pleading whine out of his voice was unsuccessful. "Just tell me what's happening!"

May sat down next to him but it was Happy who spoke up. "The doctors are doing the best they can to treat Tony and all we can do right now is—"

"Yeah, that's what they tell the families when someone is about to die." He looked from Happy to May and then back to Happy again. "I want to see him."

"Peter, honey..." May shifted a little closer. "There is nothing any of us can do right now other than being here for Morgan and then tomorrow morning—"

"No, I..." He shot up from the couch, every muscle in his body seemed electrified. "I can't just sit here and wait." He shook his head. "Last time you told me to just do nothing he would have just... just stayed dead. I can't—"

"Alright, alright..." Happy had stepped a little closer. "Just calm down for a moment. This is... this is very different from what happened with... erm... over... over the summer, okay? He's at the hospital. He has people who are—"

"Just stop!" Peter's eyes wandered back and forth between them. While Happy looked a little shocked at his outburst, May's eyes were round and wide ever since he had stated that he wanted to see Mr. Stark. "I can't just sit here. Please."

"Just sitting here, just sitting there..." Happy pulled his arms up to underline the shrug. "What does it matter tonight? He's not even conscious right now, Pete. At least here, you have a bed where... Peter!"

His heart had given such a painful squeeze, he'd staggered back a bit only to rebound with a rush towards the cupboard in the hallway where Mr. Stark kept his car keys.

He was... he was unconscious? Peter's breathing staggered at the thought. Unconscious? Why... why? 

"Hey, stop! Peter—" Haply had put himself between Peter and the door that led to the garage.

"Get out of my way."

"Honey, please. It's the middle of the night. There is no point." May was close behind him but still kept her distance, not physically trying to hold him back. Not yet. "They won't even let you into the hospital right now!"

Happy's hands were pulled up in a defensive gesture as he blocked the door. "Pepper is with him. He's not alone, okay? We'll go right after breakfast and—"

"I don't want to hurt you, Happy." Peter's hands were balled up into fists to retain control over his panic. "Please. Move."

"Hey, I know you're scared for him..." He shook his head, eyes intently on Peter. "I get that, okay? But you can't—"

"Alright..." Peter muttered under his breath. 

He stepped a little closer, feigning to go left, and just as Happy jumped into action, he dodged him on the right instead. Child's play, really. He shut the door to the house behind him then pressed the button to open the garage door, and quickly jumped into the Audi. A quick flip on the gearshift put the car in reverse and he stepped on the gas. Suddenly, there was a tingling on the back of his neck and without thinking, Peter jumped on the break with both feet just as Happy rushed out of the house and came to stand right there in the driveway.

"Holy fuck," Peter breathed.

Happy rushed towards him, pulled open the door.

"Alright kid, just—"

"I need to see him!" His knuckles were white from how hard he was holding the steering wheel.

"Yeah, I got that, but you're not driving."

Peter looked up at him, his eyes burning.

"Just.. come on..." he sighed. "Scooch over. I'll drive you."

Peter froze, not sure if he had heard that right. "You... you will?"

Happy pursed his lips and gave a quick wave to May who still stood at the front door. "Will there be another way to keep you quiet?"

"N-no."

"That's what I thought. Go on. Passenger seat for you."

Their drive was quiet. Peter's eyes got a little heavy. Maybe he was a bit more exhausted than he had realized. Once or twice he startled himself, sat up straight after he had almost nodded off.

"We have another 20 minutes to go." Happy's voice was low, eyes focussed on the dark road ahead of them. "You can close your eyes for a bit of you want."

Peter huffed. "You trying to circle the block till I'm down? I'm not a kid anymore."

Happy shook his head and for a moment, Peter thought he might leave it at that. "You're old enough to know that getting tired has nothing to do with being a kid. It's been a long day, Pete. It's okay to need some rest, even for Spider-Man."

He looked down at his hands where one of his thumbs was flicking the other back and forth. "How are you this calm?" 

There was another beat of silence before Happy answered just as quiet as before. "Someone has to be."

"But he... he's unconscious. In the hospital," Peter whispered back, his voice shaking.

For the first time since he had gotten in the car, Happy gave a quick glance in his direction. "It's Tony."

He said it like that should be enough to believe that the man would just wing this. Like he wasn't mortal. Like they hadn't all been at that very house they had just left less than 6 months ago to mourn him. Like Peter hadn't watched him die before.

His face turned away from Happy towards the window, lip caught between his teeth he was trying to think of anything but that fear in his heart. The fear that crept up to his lungs and made it hard to breathe.

20 minutes later they had parked the car and rushed towards the entrance of the hospital. Well, Peter rushed, Happy tried to keep up. The lights in the hallway were blindingly bright. He squinted his eyes to protect his senses from at least some of the glare. Happy was right next to him, guiding him now with a hand on the back of his neck.

Peter sent a sideways glance in Happy's direction. "You know where we're going?"

Happy shushed him as a set of automated doors buzzed open in front of them. There was a bit of a commotion to their left as they walked on.

"Hey! Stop!"

Peter tensed under Happy's hand and craned his neck. A security guard, no two, came rushing out of their booth.

"Visiting hours are over, fellas!"

Happy held his head high as he looked the two men up and down. "We're on our way to the ICU. We called ahead."

"Visiting hours are from 7 am to 9 pm. So how about..." One of them, short, no hair, made a show of pulling out his watch. "How about you come back in 6 hours and 12 minutes, yes. Alright." He gestured to the door they had just walked through.

Without even acknowledging the man's comment, Happy gave Peter's back a light push and made him walk on towards the elevators that the hallway was leading towards.

"Hey, woah, you can't just... hey, stop! Freeze!"

Happy blew out a low breath but stopped walking. He turned towards the security man. "Listen, buddy. I'm really not in the mood for this tonight. Call your supervisor, hm? Like I said, we called ahead to—"

"And I said, visiting hours are from—"

The elevator door behind them opened and both security guards' faces made an impressive run through the motion from anger to surprise and then very clear annoyance.

"Mr. Hogan?"

Happy's eyebrows moved up and he tilted his head a little to the side while he still stared at the men in front of him. "Mrs. Sakuma..." He turned towards her. "I presume?"

"Miss actually." She looked past him at her two subordinates. "I'll take it from here, gentlemen."

The lady ushered both, Peter and Happy, into the elevator, then followed them and pressed the button for the third floor. Peter's heart was racing, his pulse hammering in his ears and it had nothing to do with hospital security.

"He's... he's in the ICU?" His eyes were looking for Happy's but the man just placed his hand on Peter's shoulder and gave it a gentle squeeze, followed by a light nod of his head.

"I'm sorry, my mistake, Miss Sakuma."

"Oh, not to worry, not to worry!" The lady wrung her hands, looking just as nervous as Peter felt. "We have set Mr. Stark up in a room with the utmost privacy just like you had requested, Sir," the lady continued, her eyes nervously wandered from his hands to Happy and then to the door of the elevator. "I informed Mrs. Stark about the imminent arrival of Mr. Stark's son right after your er... colleague called."

Peter's head shot up but Happy kept a tight grip on his shoulder. "Thank you, Ms. Sakuma."

"We have been doing our best to accommodate everything that Mrs. Stark asked for but she didn't really seem interested in any offer we could make for... for food or the bed in the adjacent room. She just—"

"You don't need to worry about that, Miss," Happy interrupted. "That's what I'm here for."

The doors opened up to another long hallway considerably darker than the entrance of the hospital had been. Peter's feet only moved when the pressure of Happy's hand urged him to go. He couldn't even feel his legs. Or his arms. His whole body was buzzing after what the woman had just said. Mr. Stark's son? And she had said that to Pepper? Peter swallowed hard. He'd never live that one down. Their steps echoed through the otherwise silent wing. Their steps and Peter's thundering pulse it seemed.

It wasn't such a big deal. Right? He needed to get a grip of himself. A white lie, probably so the hospital would let them in. Happy, he knew how these things worked. This wasn't his first rodeo, far from it.

"Here we are," Ms. Sakuma said, gesturing at the door in front of them. "I'll be here all night if you need anything—"

"Thank you." Happy interrupted, bowing his head in the slightest motions.

"R-right." The lady did a weird mix of a bow and courtesy before she blushed slightly and walked back towards the elevators.

One hand still on Peter's shoulder, Happy reached forward and pressed down the handle of the door. The first thing Peter's eyes fell on were Pepper as she sat close to the window, curled up with a blanket in a large armchair. She was awake and roused herself out of the chair as Happy pushed Peter into the room.

He wouldn't have moved on his own. He was too occupied staring at the hospital bed that stood right next to Pepper's chair. Not the bed of course, he was staring at the man who was lying on that bed. His arms were stretched out next to his body an IV lodged in his left arm. Two, two IV's. There were two separate bags hanging on the stand at the top of the bed. Most of his mentor's face was obstructed by an oxygen mask. His eyes were closed, his body motionless except for his chest that was rising in short and shallow pulses.

It wasn't until Pepper's hands had pulled him closer and then into a tight hug that he even noticed that she had walked towards him.

"Wh-what happened?" Peter's voice was thin and teary even though he had been so determined to keep his tears back, had thought he was too numb anyway for any emotions to overflow. Apparently, he'd been wrong.

"Shh, just take a breath, honey."

"I... I don't understand. He was... he was fine. He was fine. I... I pulled him out in time, I did. I—"

"Hey, Peter... listen to me."

He couldn't take his eyes off the man's face, the ashen blue-ish look of his skin. That mask.

"Hey, honey, look at me." Her hands cradled of face and turned it towards her. "You did. Alright? You did so good. This is not—"

"I should have... oh god, I... I waited too long, didn't I? I... I should... should have never taken my... my stuff off. I... I would have been fine. I wouldn't have sunk." His eyes shifted back over to his mentor despite Pepper's hands on his face. "I would have been fine and faster, gotten him out so much faster it—"

"Shhh, no, Peter. No, that's not... Peter, look at me. You did everything right, okay? Hey..." Her eyes were wide when he finally looked at her. "You helped Tony and you also took care not to... not to put yourself in... in more danger than..." She swallowed hard. "You've done everything right."

"Then why is he here? Why... why is this happening?"

Pepper pulled him towards the chair. Both hands on his shoulders, she pushed him down until he sat, then she crouched down to be on the same eye-level as he was.

"Tony inhaled some water. This is where these complications came from."

"But... but then if I'd been faster—"

"Peter, when you pulled him up, he was conscious, wasn't he?"

"I..." He shook his head. "You did. You... you pulled him out. Both of us"

"Al-alright. Yes. Yes, I did." She nodded, her head slightly tilted to the side. "But you pulled him out from under the ice, right?"

"Right," Peter whispered.

"And he was conscious then."

"He... he grabbed my arm, under... in the water. I.... I didn't..." He shook his head, his eyes burning. "I didn't find him, he... he... he found me!"

"Well, the things is, darling, he was not passed out, was he?"

A shudder went through him as he thought back to those moments underwater that had seemed so much longer. Of how someone... Mr. Stark. He had reached for him out of the icy darkness in that lake. "N-no, he wasn't."

"No." Pepper hand was back on his cheek and she nodded like it would mean something that Mr. Stark had reached for him. "But aspiration of water is not something that just happens, even in the struggle to breathe underwater. A person usually falls unconscious before something like that happens."

He frowned, not really following where she was going. "But then... how—"

"The.... the doctors think that maybe when Tony first fell into the water, when is head was submerged under the water, that it was such a shock to his system because of the cold that he might have blacked out for a moment and that this is where he inhaled some water."

"Oh..." With a shiver, Peter tried to shake off the icy feeling that suddenly flooded his senses as Pepper's words brought back those memories. He seemed to tremble just like he had when he had slid into that ice-cold lake when he had dove down to find his mentor and just hardly managed to keep his own consciousness. "He passed out when he fell in."

"That's what the doctors think."

Peter nodded like his agreement would matter to the doctors. His eyes shifted over to Mr. Stark. He was just lying there, quiet, unmoving.

"He's on antibiotics now," Pepper explained.

Quickly, Peter blinked away his tears the best he could before he looked back up at her.

"The water he inhaled caused inflammation in his lungs. That turned into pneumonia."

"Is... Is that..." Peter silently the weakness in his voice. "Is that why he fell unconscious?"

"No!" Pepper's hands squeezed his, looking for eye contact. "No, darling. It's... the sedation helps his body rest. The coughing would have kept him up."

"Oh..." Peter frowned, not sure if this was better or worse. "That's..." He frowned.

"They are giving his body time to fight this."

He nodded, trying to signal that he understood when really, he wasn't sure he did. All he knew was that Mr. Stark was hooked up to a few machines while they had knocked him out. It should make him feel better that his mentor was monitored and treated by professionals, but a single glance at how helpless the man looked blew all that away.

Happy tried to usher him in the adjacent room at least twice if not three times. Peter didn't even try to pay attention to it. It wasn't until Happy dragged in an armchair from the other room and placed it just next to Pepper, that Peter found it in himself to settle down. Yes, Happy had been right, there wasn't anything he could do but sit and wait, but he couldn't deny that the sitting and waiting felt a lot easier to handle while he could watch his mentor's chest rise and fall, confirming that he was still there with them.

He woke up with a start when someone nudged his shoulder. For a moment, he was a little lost, not sure when he had fallen asleep and most of all, where. He glanced around himself and couldn't really place his surroundings at all. Then he saw Pepper and the hospital bed. Right. Mr. Stark. The realization had him jerk up straight, eyes wide open, mind alert.

"It's okay, honey. Tony's doctor will be here any minute. I thought you might like to hear, hm?"

Peter had barely had time to rub his eyes before the door swung open but instead of the doctors, it was Morgan who rushed through the door, closely followed by Happy. Without as much as a look at either her mother or Peter, the little girl ran for the bed and pulled herself close to Tony. Peter's eyes were wide and he had just been about to pull her back so she wouldn't make it harder for the man to breathe when his arm came up and pulled his daughter close.

Mr. Stark was awake and Peter hadn't even realized. There was little time for Peter to mull that one over before the door swung open again and three doctors pressed through the frame almost simultaneously followed by the lady that had led them up to the room the previous night. He tried to rouse himself, tried to keep up when they talked about inflammatory damage to alveolar-capillary membranes and acute respiratory distress. 

The doctors then did ask them to wait in the other room while they would examine Mr. Stark. Morgan protested heavily until Happy picked her up and carried her next door. Peter kept his head down and followed along, leaving Mr. Stark and Pepper alone with the doctors.

Miss Sakuma had followed along and closed the door to Mr. Stark's room. In impressive detail, she ran through a list of food and beverages, magazines, and things like that, but Peter had no appetite or nerve to do anything but wait for what the doctors had to say. Morgan on the other hand, was outright rude to the lady, telling her how she hadn't asked for anything and wasn't planning on it either.

"Morgan, that's enough." Happy rarely treated the girl like anything but the little princess firecracker she was but even he was taken aback by her outburst.

"I said, I don't want anything!" she whined.

"That's..." The lady cleared her throat. "That is perfectly okay, little Miss. Mr. Hogan, if you do need anything please just let the staff know."

Peter had his arms crossed as he watched Miss Sakuma leave the room, then turned and just caught how Morgan tore herself free from Happy and stalked over to the couch next to the window. With a heavy groan, she let herself fall down, face balled up with frustration. Happy was just about to open his mouth when Peter walked up to him.

"You know... actually... about the breakfast thing..."

Happy narrowed his eyes on him. The expression on his face said that he knew what Peter was trying to do and if he did know, it seemed that he was okay with Peter to give it a shot. "Well, let me see if I can find you any, hm?"

Peter waited for a beat after the door had fallen shut behind Happy. Morgan wasn't looking at him, head turned away and arms crossed. She seemed mad and for the first time in the hectic of the day so far, it dawned on Peter who she was really upset with.

"Hey... Morg?"

She didn't look at him though, only jerked herself a bit further away from him.

"Morgan?" He was slow to come closer to her and then came to sit down next to her on the couch. "Hey, you okay?"

It didn't take much to make her talk. "I told you I wanted to go and you just left me!"

"I..." Peter flinched back at her words, mouth gaping. "You... you were sleeping and... and I didn't... you were sleeping and..." And he hadn't even thought of that. How to get to the hospital had been the only thought on his mind.

"So? You could have woken me up!" She growled at him, still turned away but not even pretending to hide her anger. "I wanted to go! I told you I wanted to see my dad!"

"That... Morgan, they would have never allowed it." He swallowed hard. That wasn't even a lie. In fact, if Morgan had been up by the time Peter had made his intentions clear to May and Happy about driving to the hospital, he was pretty sure nobody would have left the house that night.

"I don't care," she spat at him over her shoulder.

"Hey, come on... I'm sorry, okay? I could have never convinced them. It was past midnight!"

"So?" She finally turned towards him, arms still tightly crossed around herself. "They let you go, didn't they? Happy took you to see my dad and not me!"

"I'm sorry, Bambi, I... I didn't mean to—"

"DON'T call me that!" The voice was high pitched and sharp. So sharp in fact, Peter flinched back from her.

"I... I'm sorry, Morgan. I..." He shook his head, not even sure what to say. He had never seen her this angry before.

"Happy took you but he's my dad," she yelled at him. "He's not your dad!"

Peter didn't really know when he had stood up from the couch, but he had as if the cushion had been on fire. Then he just stood there, staring, his mouth wordlessly open.

"All you do is get him hurt! He never got hurt like this before you came back!"

"Morgan!" Pepper had rushed into the room and quickly came to kneel in front of her daughter, both hands on her arms. "Morgan Hertha Stark, what do you think you're doing right now? Apologize to Peter!"

"But he's not!" She was crying now, big tears rolling down both her cheeks. "He's my dad, not Peter's!"

Pepper's mouth popped open but she didn't say anything until she shook herself out of her trance. "Morgen, that... Peter and your dad—"

"No..." Peter cleared his throat and retreated a couple of steps. "That's... that's okay. You... you're right, Morgan, he's... he's your dad, not mine. I... I shouldn't have..."

Pepper's eyes were on him but she struggled to let go of her crying daughter. "Peter, honey, just... that's not... Tony loves you, you know that."

His eyes were burning even without looking at either Pepper or Morgan. "She's.. she's right, I... I shouldn't even..."

"Peter..."

He shook his head and was through the door that led out to the hallway without another look at them. His mind was racing so fast he didn't even know where he was going until he pushed his way into the stairwell. He hesitated for a second before he climbed the stairs up all the way to the rooftop. He just needed some air. He need to think. To come up with a way out of there. There was a padlock on the door that led outside which was flimsy enough that it didn't stand a chance against his strength. He pushed into the open and the cold New York air was almost as painful as a punch to the face. 

It did help clear his mind though or maybe that was the pacing. It was impossible for his feet to stand still up there and not just because it was freezing. He lost all sense of time as he walked back and forth along the edge of the building. Mr. Stark would be annoyed with him this close to the ledge without his suit, but Mr. Stark wasn't there to lecture him now, was he?

"Peter?"

His head shot up and he froze but stopped himself from looking over his shoulder at Happy.

"You really need to think of new places to hide if you don't want to be found, kid."

"Why did you come up here," Peter whispered into the cold wind.

"Well," Happy sniffed out a short breath. "Because of Tony."

His heart was beating in his throat, a sudden sense of dread engulfing him. "Is... is he okay?"

Happy frowned. "He asked for you."

Peter's eyes went wide. "He... he did?"

His eyebrows knitted close, he studied Peter. "Wouldn't chase you all the way up here if he hadn't, would I?"

It didn't matter. Peter turned his back, head bowed low. How could he go down there right now? Disturb him? The three of them? He should go home, leave them be and maybe if— when... when Mr. Stark was a little stronger—

"Peter?"

"I, erm...." He cleared his throat, concentrating on his voice. "I think it's... it's not the right time for that."

Happy blew out a low grunt. "Listen, about Morgan—"

Peter turned on his heel, pulse spiking. "She told you?"

"Pepper," he sighed. "Pepper told me you guys had a fight."

"We didn't—" His heart made a jump as it suddenly occurred to him why Mr. Stark would want to talk to him. "Did she... did she tell him? Oh god, did she tell him that Morgen... that I..."

"Hey kid, take a breath, okay?" The man shuffled a little closer, the concern on his face now evident. "Of course we didn't tell Tony."

Deep breaths. He had to get a grip on his nerves. They were running away with him.

"Come on, the little munchkin is upset and she let it out on you. It's not fair but you shouldn't take it to heart."

One hand on his face, Peter rubbed his temples. His head was throbbing, likely but not exclusively because he had hardly gotten any sleep last night. Not like he would admit it and earn himself another lecture though.

"She's a child, Peter. You think she has any idea how to place any of this? You and Tony, what you mean to each other? She's four years old! She doesn't know what Tony's life was like before you came into it. Or even before she came into it. How often he got hurt, how severely."

"So?" Peter looked back up at him. "That's not her fault, is it? She just... just calls it like she sees it and all she's known was a life that was quieter and... and more peaceful while I was gone."

Happy shook his head getting a couple of steps closer. "While half the universe was gone, Pete."

"I've been back what, 6 months? And he's been in the hospital or... or injured how many times since then?"

"Don't flatter yourself, kid."

Peter only huffed and turned away.

"You saved his life, more than once. You brought him back from the goddamn dead, Peter."

"Yeah, well..." Morgan didn't know that. Didn't know his secret. Nobody did outside of the people on the battlefield that day. Nobody could ever know.

"You've always had his back, Pete. From the very beginning." The man groaned. "Hell, I don't even know how he'd stand up to the Rogues without you having his back."

"The Rogues..." Peter shook his head. "They don't matter. Rogers knows not to bother him anymore."

There was a moment of silence. "What is that supposed to mean?" Happy's voice rang sharp.

Peter bit his lip, eyes on his feet. "It... it has nothing to do with this, okay?"

Loud steps behind him made it clear that Happy was walking closer. "What the hell did you say to Steve Rogers, Peter?"

Oh, he had said a good many things to the Captain, none of them he was willing to discuss on the rooftop of the hospital Mr. Stark was being treated in though. He turned, just as Happy came to a halt right in front of him. "I'm just... I'm gonna go home. Can you.... you're.... you'll pick up May, right? I mean, she... you'll..."

"Hey, can you slow down for a moment?"

"Please? I can... I'll take the subway. Maybe get in an hour or two of patrol on the way back to Queens." That wasn't really an option. His regular suit was still in Queens and the nano-housing unit for the Iron Spider was in his room at the Stark residence, but it was a good enough excuse to bolt as any.

"Come on, kid..." Happy's hand came to rest on his shoulder. "You made me drive you here in the middle of the night and now you're not gonna talk to Tony when he asks for you?"

His pulse was hammering in his ears. He did want to see him, now that he was awake. Make sure that his mentor would be okay...

"Pepper and Morgan are grabbing a bite to eat, so... you know. It'd just be the two of you."

Peter looked up at him. He felt a little numb but without thinking much more about it, he nodded his head yes. Just Mr. Stark. He could do that.

They walked silently side by side, not to the stairs but the elevator. Peter's heart was throbbing in his throat, nerves making his hands shake. Happy accompanied him to the door like he wouldn't be able to find it on his own. Or like he would run if left unsupervised.

"Here we are." Happy motioned for the door. "Go on, I'll go see how the girls are doing."

Peter pulled in a deep breath before he pushed the door open. The room was indeed empty. Except for his mentor of course. The mask was obstructing most of his face though so Peter had to step a little closer till he could confirm that the man was awake, looking right at him.

"Mr. Stark?"

The man's eyes fell shut for a moment, then he reached up and pulled the oxygen mask down. "Back to... that, are we?"

Peter swallowed hard at the strain in his mentor's voice, his cheeks hot as he stepped even closer to the bed.

"You're not supposed to remove that," Peter whispered.

The man's eyes were on Peter's face, unwavering. "Think it's... okay... for a moment."

"Oh yeah?" It was awkward just standing there. He didn't know what to do with his hands or arms. "And where did you get your medical degree, hm?"

The corners of the man's mouth twitched. "The Wizard's been... expanding my basics."

Peter frowned. "Strange?" He contemplated what that would be like, those two men on like... a video call or something? That smelled like more trouble than it was worth. "You shouldn't be talking to the Wizard. You're supposed to be in retirement."

Mr. Stark gave him a look. "Retired from... active duty. Don't ship me... off to an old... folk's home yet."

One hand scratching the back of his neck, Peter avoided the man's eyes. He didn't like this at all and he couldn't even hide the fact that he didn't.

"Kid..." He waited until Peter looked back up at him. "I don't... remember a lot of... what happened... yesterday. But Pepper... Pepper said that I... was a bit... of an ass... to you."

Heat was rushing to Peter's face. "It's... it's okay, you don't... "

"I'm sorry." His eyes were so intent on Peter, it almost made him overlook how the breaks between his words when he tried to suck in more air became longer. "Thank... you... for saving... me."

Peter could only shake his head, eyes on his hands instead of Mr. Stark.

"Pete?" For a moment it seemed like he wanted to say something else until he screwed his face up in pain and a deep cough rang through the room. One at first then the man struggled to pull in a deep breath and coughed some more.

Peter's hand was on the mask in seconds and pulled it back up over his mentor's mouth and nose. "Just breathe, Sir, just breathe." One hand still held the mask in place while the other rubbed the man's arm.

It took a couple of minutes until his breathing had calmed down enough that Peter felt confident enough to let go of the oxygen mask. He had just been about to step back, to let the man get the rest he needed when he caught Peter by his arm.

"Kid, it'll..." His voice was strongly muffled through the mask. "I'll be okay."

Goosebumps traveled from his neck all the way into the tips of Peter's fingers. His throat felt constricted like his emotions were trying to choke him while Mr. Stark looked at him like he could peer into his very soul.

"Come on... give... your old... man... a hug... hm?"

Peter bit his lip hard and a part of him wanted to turn and bolt, but a soft tug on his wrist by Mr. Stark was all he needed to lean down and wrap his arms around the man. Mr. Stark held him close to his chest, while he muttered again and again that everything would be okay. That he would be okay. The words, the promise everyone else had been avoiding to make since the night before. He couldn't deny that those arms around him, holding him close, that it brought a sense of calm and confidence that he had been thoroughly lacking. He couldn't deny the tears either that he shed while he pressed his face against the man's chest.

Only a feeling that crept up his spine made him let go and rub a hand across his eyes before the door swung open. He had taken a couple of steps back from the bed, his mentor's eyes still on him when Morgan rushed towards the bed and clung to her dad in the very same spot that Peter had been kneeling at just a few moments earlier.

"Honey...." Pepper's voice was low right next to him. "Let's go and talk, hm? You and me."

It was the last thing he wanted, to talk about this some more. But what was he supposed to do? Say no to her? Instead, he gave a jerky nod but just as Pepper was about to lead him to the room next door, the lady from the hospital reappeared. Without much preamble, she started talking to Pepper about a nicer and bigger room with more light, more comfortable now that Mr. Stark could be moved out of the ICU and while Pepper was distracted by the lady's congratulations on how much better her husband was already doing, Peter decided on the only plan of action he could handle right now.

He stole to the door of the room then turned one last time and found Mr. Stark's eyes glued to his every movement. For a moment it seemed like the man was about to say something but Peter didn't stick around long enough to find out. He slipped out of the door and back into the stairwell.

Without his suit, it would be a long and dreary trip to the other side of the city.

 ###

[author’s note: Thank you guys so much for reading, the likes, reblogs and comments. I love and super appreciate them!

I took some creative license with Morgan's middle name cause Morgan H. Stark is canon and I absolutely hate the idea of Tony naming his daughter after Howard no matter how many people want to go on about Stark family traditions, I decided, he would rather name her after a strong female historic persona and decided on Hertha Ayrton, a British Engineer, mathematician, physicist, inventor.]