#i can't hurt people. i'm not a sadist. i'm always so afraid i'll get people sick if i get close to them

[whumporama]

I'm always afraid that when I search for kidnapping whump, I'm gonna get NSFW. So can you tell me some good ideas that are SFW?

A.k.a nothing sexual at all?

Personally, I tend to use branding a whumpee with a personal insult or demeaning word or a symbol of whumper as a trope thanks to a roleplay I did awhile back.

But I always look for new ideas!

Sure! Let's see...

I think at first it also depends on why the kidnapping happened in the first place. What is the goal of the kidnapper? Is it just for sadistic fun? Are they obsessed with Whumpee? Do they need information? Because their reason can change how they act.

Like someone who kidnapped Whumpee because they 'love' them might be more physiological in their torment, or more careful to not permanently damage them.

But that aside, here are some ideas that might help you!

Non-physical

Blindfold your Whumpee, and leave them alone for a while. They're already in a high stress situation, and now they lost one of their senses. By just leaving them be, they'll stress themselves out. They have no idea what's going to happen, where Whumper is, or if someone is watching them. (Also works a few days in, changing the dynamics.)

Just good old restraints. They're pretty obvious but do you know how terrifying it is to actually lose all that control? The Whumper doesn't even need to physically hurt them for this to be super intense. Just brushing someone's shoulder when they don't want it but can't stop it is already a really harsh reality check.

Force them to make a statement in front of a camera, reading a note with demands for their release. Especially nice when Whumpee is very proud, and is now reduced to this.

Let them know how much Whumper knows about them and their lives. Casually drop the names of people they care about, and what might happen should Whumpee not cooperate. Or tell them they're dead, even if that's true or not.

Fake execution. Make it seem real until the very end.

Physical-ish

Stress positions! Just tying them up and leaving them alone. Always great.

Starvation/dehydration. Whumpee can be as strong as they want, but they still need food and water.

Play with temperature. Have them be way too cold, or far too hot. And offer no relief.

Oversimulation. Just constant loud noise, or a constant drip of water on their face, constant flashing lights, not giving them a break and no way to escape it.

Sleep deprivation. Every time they might fall asleep, stop them. See how quickly they'll be begging.

Drugging. So many options! Let them lose full control? Make them oversensitive? Have them be half awake but weak? Make them sick?

Poisoning. Make them hurt with no escape. It's not deadly, but they'll suffer.

Physical

There are so many options, but here's some.

Chocking them. Make them almost pass out and release. Then repeat.

Electrocution. Just constant shocks, strong or weak, but ongoing and no breaks.

Cutting/slashing/stabbing. Good old knifes.

Beatings. They're painful, also after the fact. Make the Whumpee feel vulnerable!

Burning them

Waterboarding

Breaking their bones (fingers one by one?)

Whipping or lashing

Removing nails/teeth

Pour salt in their open wounds for extra effect

And there is of course much more, but I'll leave it here now! Hope this helps some!

[atnaturesmercy]

my brain is actually broken and irreparable. im never going to escape the broken record bathtub drain. i despise it. i almost convinced myself i was a person. no, fuck, i did. i actually want to be taken out back and shot like a lame horse. i'm about to snap and have a nervous paranoid-psychotic breakdown. everything is hilarious, nothing has consequences. plaything. doll. pet. mommy's little helper. hm. tired of keeping it all together. not tired because i want to spiral (i don't), but tired because of the effort it's taking. when the fuck will it pay off. things like that. im like five coffees in trying not to day drink

[the-little-shadow]

Bored.

The games you played were never fun. You'd say you'd stay but then you'd run.

Donna clenched her fists, she saw her lover with another woman. Yes, this is not the first time her lover has played behind Donna.

He's nonsense, which unfortunately sounded sweet, replayed in Donna's memory. "It's okay, I will always love you, i will never leave you, Donna."

Donaa had twice forgiven him who had an affair in front of her. And thousands of times she forgive her lover with all his mistakes.

Giving you what you're begging for. Giving you what you say I need.

Donnaa slowly walked over to him, expecting an explanation and an apology from him.

"Is this what I got after everything I gave you?" Sera asked quietly.

An apology is heard. However, her lover's expression was disgusting. Pretending, lies, dramatic, very visible.

"Sorry, I won't do it again. I'm so sorry Donna, please forgive me. You can— you can hit me anywhere you want."

"Ew, disgusting. Don't touch Donna ya prick!" Angie shouts making him flinch.

Donna heard the sentence again, the same as the words he said three months ago.

I don't want any settled scores.

I just want you to set me free.

"We— ... We are going to stop here, you cheater." Donna whispered as she wiped her tears.

So far, Donna has been patient, because she always remembers that he said that he would never leave her alone.

But not this time, she already felt fooled by all the bullshit and sweet promises of him. She had enough.

"You think it's that easy, huh?!" said her lover half shouted.

"I need you, and I know you need me too. You can't leave me!" he gripped Donna's hand tightly. And It really hurts.

Donnaa is afraid. Very afraid. Expecting help from someone, but the man in front of her just laughed. What a Devil.

Giving you what you're begging for. Giving you what you say I need, say I need. I'm not afraid anymore.

What makes you sure you're all I need?

Forget about it.

"Hey Hey Hey, What do you want from her?!" shouted someone from distance. Donna tried to rebelled, but clearly her strength was much weaker than his.

"Money! I need more money from her, bastard!" He threw Donna's hand roughly making her doll jumps and bit his hand away, "ARGH— cut that out you creepy ass doll!"

Angie runs to Donna back, Donna was surprised, she knew that he was an asshole. But this is outrageous. She was angry, she didn't care anymore about all his threats. But suddenly—

"I'll give you how much money you need, you Dog Licker! So stop it, i'm sure she never needed a person like you!" the person who wants to save her is now standing between the two of them and then slapped him very hard. However, he just laughed making Donna shivers.

"And I never loved her either. She's just a stupid woman, you know? Who would love her ... With such a dirty and gross face!? " her tried to touch Donna's face. And she could see the devil in his face. But the person immediately smack his hand away before he touch her.

"Well, if she IS stupid or like the words you describe about her— At least, she is NOT a slut and poor like the woman behind of you, sir. She's more Disgusting than this one, hah. But that's okay, a woman like that and a jerk like you look compatible. Very compatible." You mocked and mocked making the crazy man widen his eyes.

He just scoffed, "Don't think you can be all heroic here. I hate people who is interfering my problems with her. So— Get out of my way!"

When he was just about to hit your face, you immediately dodge, then grab his hand and making him turn around. You immediately shoved his face on the dirt with a sadistic grin.

“You should pound the dirt, Bitc.”

He shivers and then push you back to Donna, immediately running away for his dear life. You laughed so hard at his cowardness, but then you look at the lady who's in all black.

“Sorry about what happened, are you okay? He didn't hit you before i'm here, did he?” you ask worriedly even though you can NOT she her hidden expression because of the long black veil.

Donna didn't utter any words, and that's making you more worried, “Well— i uh ... Is there anything i can do for you? A tea to relax yourself maybe?”

When she heard the tea, she immediately nod her head as a respond, you chuckle at the lady. “Alright, this way, m'lady!”

“Hey, don't forget about me!” Angie cried out making you jumped and look at her, “Oh! What a lovely and energetic doll! Of course, come along little one!” you smiled kindly making Angie squelled.

“Donna! You should be this person's lover instead of that big brat guy!” Angie exclaimed happily making the lady blush behind her veil

“Oh shush, let's give her sometime to relax.”

At least she's safe with you, and that's matter to her. She is forever grateful for that.

“Thank you.” Donna whispers, “You are welcome. No woman should be treated like that, i do not care about their features. Women are fragile and they should be proected, that's how i will treat my future woman.”

Oh how lovely, little did the two of you know, the angels are laughing at the two of you for not knowing the fate.

[merakiui]

welcome to the day a duck ruins your perception of items in genshin impact. i uh. made some items in genshin impact as yandere boys and what they're like sort of?? you could try and burn your eyes now. ;) adepti seekers stove- he's going to be a tsundere no buts or uhts. he's the type of yandere that's trying to be protective and failing miserably everytime. so being impatient and angsty. so, he resorts in kidnapping you instead. but hey look on the bright side! even when you're kidnapped you can have delicious meals and snacks! secretly likes to cook for you a lot, but he won't admit it even in death. just don't question why there's a lingering scent of sleeping potions in your meal and you'll be good as jolly jee! probably wants you to help him in the kitchen, since he once heard that couples do that. would probably give you self esteem issues down the line. "didn't i tell you to not get hurt? are you that much of an idiot?? here. have this it'll lessen the pain just a bit so we can walk back home. just drink it already." windsong lyre- smug bastard, smug shit. he's probably a player or just overly dramatic with everything. maybe he's righteous or something.. likes to show off his music skills a lot. he sucks at it tho. gaslights you probably in public places to add more pressure, because people are staring like you're having a performance or something. calls you love even if he's pissed at you for not listening to him, or accusing him of being toxic or suspecting him of being your stalker that always watches you from your window at 2am! would make you paranoid a lot. loves kissing your cheek and tickling you. he's a closeted pervert. you're gonna have to move in an isolated place too, he will spread rumours of you being his lover. "love, I'm sure that you're just overreacting. plus even if i was the stalker that you're talking about I wouldn't be oh so casually talking to you in public when I could've been hiding! jeez it's like your going crazy." wind-blessed harpastrum- such sweety! just so wholesome bakes you a pie in tuesday sweet. seems patient too but beware he will break your legs when you get a little bit too bratty for his tastes. touch starved too and it shows, that's why he loves to cuddle you lots! really obsessed with what you think of him. if you say you hate him he'll tear up and try to convince you that he's good, but if you pretend that you like him he'll shower you with uncomfortable affection and confessions. really great at making bombs and torture weapons too. probably sewed in a bomb inside your body threatened that he will kill you with it if you leave. bad at darts and archery. if you say that to him he'll laugh and take out his diploma saying that he's too smart for those childish games. he's impulsive in decision making. "haha. you know. you almost escaped from me back there. but hey! now you won't do anything stupid like that ever again if you can't walk." windblume balloon: listen man. im going to be killed but he's an airhead, pun intended right there. probably lowkey manipulative and doesn't even know it yet or chooses to ignore it. protective of you a lot. really delusional to the point that he rationalizes your escape as someone kidnapping you. so say goodbye to whoever poor stranger who was trying to help you escape they'll be greeted by an arrow through their head once he finds you. has a habit of holding your hand because he's afraid you might disappear from his line of sight and leave him all alone. if you let go tho he'll gorilla grip your hand, might crush it too. just very overprotective. he also doesn't know that he's an airhead. yeah."hm? why do i like holding you hand..? i just like it.. your hand makes me feel... uh. safe..? is that the word for it? ah. it was the word loved." wind catcher- he's a full on sadist. throw all of your escape plans out the window, this guy will climb a mountain and ride any wind current available to catch and torture you. persistently trying to make you like him atleast a bit. yeah, he's that kind of delusional. would teasingly push you

of a cliff as a 'light' punishment. dark humour and likes to joke about killing you from time to time. note: he can kill you. and he would also do it by ripping you in half with the wind current so just stay in his house and be a good lover that'll shower him in kisses, okay? okay. he mostly sees you as a tool of interest, but not just any tool- you're his favourite tool. "pfft! hey stop crying now! you're making me feel bad! hm? oh? why am i doing this? well i mean maybe I'm angry that someone was trying to escape. again." warming bottle- he will absolutely leave you in the cold if you were being a brat towards him. lives in dragonspine to spite you, also because he can just turn take away your blankets and anything that can give warmth so you gotta ask him to cuddle you to survive. he usually does this when he's feeling a little petty. which is so frequent. that you can almost give it a schedule. but don't tell him that. kind of a tsundere but only when it comes to physical affection since he's shy. that's why he has to take away your blankets so it looks like he's just mocking you but not because he's touch starved. he's not at home that much too but don't worry, he will make it up to you by uh.. physical activities.. "what? you're freezing? no shit we're in dragonspine. oh? you want me to hug you..? hm. fine. I'll indulge you for a bit. I am quite merciful." parametric transformer- businessman that scams you a lot lol. he's going to be a masochist because i said so, yeah i know the electric stone thing gag that's why i made him a masochist. really likes to collect useless stuff and spoiling you, so expect your room to be filled with a lot of random things from jewelry to mushrooms and crabs. has a you should be grateful i even give stuff mindset. thinks that giving someone something of vaue would make them fall in love with him instantly. also probably loves it when you fight back especially when you successfully land a hit on him, he will enjoy it. but be careful he has different responses whenever you hit him. pick your poison. spends a ton of resources on everything to keep you in line. that rope costed him 700 pinecones. "why do you even wanna escape? i give you a ton of stuff so you won't get bored! hah. maybe if i had picked up someone else they would've been grateful." portable waypoint- throw out your escape plans the season sequel. he's very quiet but has a small temper that won't last that much. maybe he's like that since he tries so hard to repress it. listen he's trying okay? escape always fails so quickly. one minute you're in springvale shouting, crying, begging for anyone to help you and then back to his house to see him sipping some tea. his punishments are cruel too- he makes sure to leave you in a den of monsters and ruin guards, waits until your in the brink of death and teleports you back to him. has a superiority complex over everyone too. probably likes to make you feel weak when you have to rely on him. loves to crush your self esteem. wants to be affectionate but thinks that you, as an inferior being, should be affectionate with him instead. so tsun. "see? this is what i was trying to tell you. you're too weak to actually survive out there. you even had to rely on me to save you. pathetic." memento lens- mysterious and elegant. he's quite cryptic to say the least. likes to watch you from a far if he's feeling a bit angsty. you try to make sense of what he says and it just leads to you being confused even more. and he likes that about you. you actually try to understand him, even if what you guess is wrong. you're going to have a tough time with this guy if you wanna escape. just avoid any fox statues and you'll be good. the problem is the shrine maidens. they basically want the two of you to end up together so they don't have to deal with him. he's actually very gentle with you punishments still suck but atleast he doesn't do it physically, he just makes you write that you're sorry over and over until your wrist are tired. loves poetry and solving puzzles, riddles, scriptures. he's

smart but soft. "spring blossoms even in the darkest depths of uncertainty, is that why you have the courage to try and escape me..?" kamera- perfectionist stalker. wants to make sure that the photos he takes of you are perfect to every extent. colour, lighting, and expressions. even if it means going inside your room and having the possibility of waking you up from your sleep. likes to take pictures of everything too. kind of like this; both of you are walking somewhere and he stops to take a picture of a sunset. he takes twenty minutes trying to find the correct angle. but the sun is already gone so he sulks. maybe- you can cheer him up by volunteering to be his model? you'll do that? right? also worships you like a god so if someone dared to even say something breath near you or celestia forbid insult you, best to say they'll be quickly disposed of by blackmail and fake shit. would not steal any of your belongings, he would just take pictures of it. so he's not that bad. "i consider everything in this world is beautiful, but you have surpassed that. so that is why im keeping you here. no one deserves even a glimpse of you!" waverider toolbox- he's such a gentlemen and a sweetheart. always there to help you with repairs, sometimes he'd add some updates to it too. just ignore the stuff going missing inside your boat thing. he probably guilt-gaslight you into staying with him in his waverider then bam your in an island stranded. ahaha, now both of you just have to survive by working together ya know? like a loving couple likes hugs and physical affection a lot! bonus points if it's given when he's tired from doing his job. as i said tired guy so appreciates all the things you do for him whether it's paying for his meal or giving him a gift. next time, he'll make sure that you won't leave the island permanently. thinks that stranded island equals date smh. " ahh? oh! is this for me? really? thank you.. i don't usually receive gifts but that just makes this even more special! say, do you wanna go on a trip? i just fixed the waverider from last time." red feather fan- mischievous little shit. likes to scare you a lot by appearing on trees and just jumping on you. knows that you're trying to escape but pretends not to since he likes to try and guess which direction you would run to. hugs you a lot even before he kidnaps you really touchy even if you say no he'll use the good ol puppy eyes! doesn't work? okay he'll just smell your clothes when you're sleeping as compensation. he likes to flirt with you a lot. some pickup are cheesy.. but others are a little- personal? acts cool by making a dramatic entrance everytime even. you know those radical superhero landing stuff? that's him. he would build a nest as your house even being a dick and placing it on top of a mountain, goodluck on trying to get down. "caught you! going to the shore was so predictable by the way. maybe you should try a different place next time, dear? hm? maybe a restaurant so we can have date? sounds great right?" serenitea pot- unhinged malewife that wants to make a the perfect living space for you- ehem. probably a perfectionist if you squint hard enough. he's delusional but just a little lucid about the stuff he does to you. likes to make a ton of furniture too! personalized the room you're trapped in with a ton of valuable and expensive materials. just don't try to escape he'll cut your limbs off just like a damn tree shawtie. owns a shit ton of pets ranging from boars to cats. all of them are like bodyguards to you during your stay. dreams about having a peaceful life with you in the realm someday, sigh. he sometimes has burnouts where he just places a bunch of furniture on a single room and call it a day. "and here is your room! do.. do you like it? i made it just for you! i didn't know what wood you would prefer so i just settled on whatever i can find! ahaha. we're kind of like a married couple living together now... right?" nre menu- he's probably going to be from the adventurers guild. really awkward and shy. takes for him a long time to

open up to you. when going on quests he's the one in charge of carrying the food and healing shit you need. really patient and nice! slightly uh mean with other people trying to talk to you but other than that everything is normal. everything is normal the long loving gaze he gives you every now and then and some food being left on your doorstep. yeah let's not question it i mean he's just so shy! he would never do anything wrong? right?? he's a closeted pervert, cliche i know but he's a pervert with a line to not cross. he just checks you out. good for him. would cry if given any ounce of affection. sweet baby. "t-that was a tough commission.. oh u-uh.. do you need some food to replenish your energy? we need to do the other commissions you know.. hm? why aren't you eating it.. something wrong with the food..?" seelies- spoiled. that's the word to describe him. really straight forward with his courting kind of dumb? but he's so damn lucky for some unknown reason that your plans to avoid him always fail. yeah the high quality rope you just bought for 1000 mora? it broke and you fell into his arms. he's probably rich by sheer dumb luck too. finds a ton treasure chests even in the places you didn't expect. people pressure you into spending time with him. since he's just so cute! how could say no to such a face? it really feels like the gods are on his side ya know? he throws a lot of very very aggressive tantrums if you're not with him. thinks he's doing a good job at courting you, with rationalize rejection as a playing hard to get. "tada! look i got you this crystal i found while i was walking! it looks like a diamond and it has a ton of colours too?? is it valuable?? would you kiss me if i give it to you??" endora- majestic, regal, and likes to explore a lot. he uh. probably trapped you in a bubble once or twice too. really curious about his surroundings, also has no personal space since it's first time going out. he would cuddle you when he feels like it homie. kidnapped you and made you his tour guide. don't try to fool him he learns quickly about stuff. fast swimmer, so no joining any expeditions in water if you don't want their ship to be wrecked by a mysterious being of the teyvat seas. he likes to see you cry. it's not a kink he just feels connected to you when you cry. doesn't have a house so you just live in a run down boat. he's doesn't know when you're lying to him sometimes. god complex bastard. "this world. at first i wasn't sure if i was going to like it or not, but ever since I've met you... I've grown to tolerate some parts.. so you should be thankful, you've convinced me. mortal." intertwined fate/older twin- listen. he's just so smug about everything he does. and he knows you love him. probably invites you out on dinner only for him to not show up. so basically he's an asshole without a doubt. toxic boyfriend that gives you false hope and has a ton of admirers. you probably think he won't settle for you right? ah, he's not that cruel. so picks you as his lover out of all the billions of people. you should be grateful! he even kidnapped you! do you know how hard it was for him to go all the way from his home to yours? anyways yeah. asshole. he likes to do the open the door for darling trick where he just gives you a small crack on the door and watch you make a decision. it's an act of your loyalty. if you escape he'll make you feel pain. if you don't then he'll reward your patience. god complex bastard 2."sigh. did you try to escape? again? patience is the key to everything you know. maybe you should learn that. i expected more smart from you." acquaint fate/younger twin- cinnamonroll he's such a sweet guy. he's always there for you when you need him. okay- he has a nice guy complex, fucking damn it. probably uses the but I've been there for you since the start trick unintentionally a lot. he just doesn't know he wants some action, so be thankful that he didn't just jump on you like a barbarian. he's kind of contradicting himself too. one hand he wants you to love him, on the other hand he doesn't

believe he deserves you. loves to give you the same things, remember that one painting you liked from two years ago? he got you that. quantity beats quality. surprisingly, he's really patient but would have bursts of anger every now and then. has a self value issues?? yeah, but did i tell you he's a touch starved guy. punshments are just him softly lecturing you about what's good and what's wrong."i always viewed myself as inferior, that i didn't deserve anything.. but this time. i want to be greedy just once." that's it- :'D i haven't proofread this but here you go mer! ill probably continue with more humanisations of items in genshin later.. if you ask why i ruined your day with this crazy idea i was watching that one video of a person humanising social media and got this idea. also i discovered how to bold out texts... i have power..ejwjdhshaj

so yeah have a great day! -🦆anon

I AM IN AWE?!?! WHOA OMG!!!!! 🦆, THIS IS FANTASTIC!! AAAAAA (≧∀≦)

All of the various characterizations… *chef’s kiss* It’s literally so good! With each one I read I kept thinking okay this guy is my favorite and then I would read the next description and my heart was stolen again. I can’t pick a favorite now. T_T

[its-nebula]

K1-B0, Shuichi, Kokichi, Nagito, Makoto x S/O Who's Afraid of Men

This poor boy...

He just doesn't understand why you're so afraid to be around him. He can barely get close to you without you wanting to recoil...

"Do my robotic features really scare them that much...? Am...Am I really just... a monster?"

He goes home every day thinking of ways he could gain at least your friendship.

When he tries to research about it, all the websites say to put his hand on your shoulder, or look into his eyes.

But whenever he does any of that, you simply just seem to be terrified, and it always makes him feel upset.

One day, he just couldn't take it any longer.

"S/O, I'm sorry that I scare you so much. It's clear to me now that I'll probably never be seen as normal like everybody else..."

You quickly explain to him that it has nothing to do with him being a robot, but instead you simply get a little scared around men.

"O-Oh! Really?"

He gets a little excited before he realizes what you said.

"Wait, what did you say?"

When the two of you start dating, he makes sure to be as cautious as possible when he's around you.

He makes sure to always make sure you know when he's about to touch you, even when it's something as small as touching you oncthe shoulder or arm.

He lets you initiate any hugs or hand holding.

Understands that this will take some time for you to come out of your shell. It won't just happen overnight, and he's okay with that.

Subtly guides you away from anybody who he deems as a problem, especially if they get even as close as a centimeter too close to you.

As a robot, he feels it's his duty to be your personal bodyguard of sorts.

"Don't worry, S/O. I promise I'll make sure nobody ever harms you ever again."

He doesn't really know what to do.

Automatically knows what's happening.

From his detective work, he's seen cases where victims end up like this. It was never pretty, and it made him frown when he thought of what could've happened to you.

He also notices you seem to be weary of other guys you're around, so he's at least a little assurred that it's not just him thatcmakes you uncomfortable.

Still, he had a fat crush on you, and he didn't know how to approach you.

It wasn't until he was walking through the halls that he saw your familiar face, but he saw that someone was seemingly making you uncomfortable. They had you cornered, and it looked like they were trying to flirt.

"Hey! Stop it!"

Once the person in question left, you thanked him before breaking down into tears, almost instinctively leaning into him.

"You're welcome and...oh!"

He was a little surprised, and hesitated a little before raising his arm up to pat your back.

Once the two of you become official, he lets you warm up to him before he thinks of asking to hug you or hold your hand.

He feels bad whenever he subconsciously puts his hand on your shoulder or something. Once he sees your face, he quickly realizes his mistake.

Gets super happy whenever you feel comfortable enough to hold hands with him, it makes him super happy.

It also makes him blush quite a bit.

"I-I'm so glad you feel more comfortable with me, S/O."

Scowls whenever he senses that someone is making you uncomfortable.

"Leave them alone."

Instinctively holds you close to him, and comforts you when the person is gone.

"As long as I'm here, S/O, you can bet that I'll never ever let anyone put you in harms way. I love you..."

"S/O, what's wrong?"

He's used to people being a little uneasy around him, but never just flat out scared.

His eyes widen once he sees you shield yourself once he reaches out to you, and he freezes.

A twang of guilt hits him right in his stomach, and he instantly takes his hand back.

He gives you a small smile.

"You know, not all of us are the same as whatever douchebags you've encountered."

You felt bad for making assumptions, but you just couldn't help it.

Seeing you in such a fragile state saddened him, and he could even feel himself getting angry at whoever did this to you.

"I bet they must've been so horrendously ugly that nobody could even stand to look at them. You really let somebody like that hurt you?"

You try to defend yourself, but you eventually end up telling him your whole life story.

He doesn't mind, though. It's exactly what he wanted.

When in the relationship, he actually touches you a ton, claiming that it will help you get used to it.

He never ever does it without your knowledge, though. He doesn't want to make you have a heart attack.

Just simple things like hugs.

"See, S/O? You deserve to have loving touches too, and besides, I'm way better than that guy anyways."

If you tell him his name, he sends D.I.C.E after him.

Walks up to him with a sadistic grin on his face.

"So. I see you're the culprit. Well, if you ever even think about going near my precious S/O again, I'll make sure it's the last person you'll ever want to go near! Do you understand?"

The guy is terrified and calls him crazy.

"Crazy about S/O, maybe! Are you scared, like how you scared them? Hmmmmmm?"

The guy runs away in fear, and Kokichi chuckles to himself.

"Glad that's settled."

He was already skeptical of being around you in the first place.

"I understand... I mean, who would want to be around me in the first place?"

It's just his luck that the person he really admired seemed to absolutely hate him.

He kept his distance from you, just watching you silently.

Hajime asked him what was wrong, and Nagito only laughed.

"Hajime! Don't worry about me, it's just my insignificant feelings getting in the way again..."

Haji made Nagito spit it out, and Hajime only shook his head once he found out what was wrong. You and Hajime were actually friends, so he knew exactly what your situation was.

When he explained, Nagito frowned at him, thinking that he was just trying to cheer him up. However, as the days passed by, Nagito came to realize that was not the case.

He did notice that the only guy you seemed to be comfortable with was Hajime, and it made something spark inside of him. His eyebrows furrowed every time he saw the two of you together. Could it be possible that the two of you were together...?

"S/O, is it okay if I talk to you for a second?"

You were a little skeptical, but you went with him and he sighed deeply.

"I'm a friend of Hajime's and I think it's lovely how you seem to give him hope!"

As soon as he realized he was mistaken, he felt a bit sheepish.

"Oh..."

After you started dating, he's very supportive of you.

"Don't worry, S/O! I have hope that you'll get through this!"

Makes sure you're very comfortable whenever the two of you go somewhere, opting to keep you close to him.

Whenever you cry, he can't help but hug you. He wants to make sure you're shown the love that you so deserve.

"The despair you feel now will never compare to the light of hope you'll see once you're better, I promise."

Confused as hell.

Nobody's ever been scared of him before, what's going on?

He didn't say something to offend you, did he?

Kyoko has to "kindly" ask him to please stop, because he's scaring you.

"Makoto, please think about things a little differently. Haven't you noticed how S/O acts around all the men we know?"

"So...they like girls?"

Sigh.

Kyoko was right, he hadn't thought about it that way. He noticed how you always seemed to avoid them, and how you practically braced yourself whenever they came near.

He decided to formally apologize to you.

"I never meant to make you feel uncomfortable, S/O. I'm really sorry. Just know that I would never think of hurting you like that."

When you two get together, Makoto is a little bit impatient when it comes to your healing process, but he fully understands and would never do something to hurt you.

"I'll wait for you, S/O. No matter how long it takes, I'll be right here for you."

If you hug or cuddle with him, it lets him know that you trust him, and it makes him very smiley.

Kisses your hand if your cheek is too much for you right now.

"I just want you to know that I love you, S/O. I don't want you to feel alone anymore..."

[god1ngs]

━‎ visitation

synopsis; a certain someone pays a visit

contains; major angst, arguing, one mention of vomit, swearing

day two + 1.6k wc

note; sorry this took so long! but here is day two :]

previous part ; seven days masterlist ; next part

   your rage fit from yesterday had calmed down, allowing you to be at peace once you awoke. the ache of your knuckles, red and scraped, had reminded you of it ─ the anger that coursed through your feelings, for not only your nation but yourself as well.

   the deal you made with dream hasn't, and won't, gone away. how you wished it was that easy. how you wished the contract would leave you alone. the nagging of his words, constantly on repeat in your head, made your everyday life harder and harder.

   knowing when you would die haunted you.

   it was the second day, you had noticed. you didn't want to get out of bed, didn't want to face the world that morning. however, life didn't quite work out in your favor. you sighed, dreading the hours that would follow once you got up.

   a banging at your door had been the push to get you out of bed. you frowned, almost ignoring the other before getting out of bed. you frowned, an anguishing weight being shoved on to your shoulders as you got up. you pushed open the door, revealing a familiar brunette.

   wilbur, who had been making his daily rounds around the crater that was his country, had decided to come check up on you. the state you were in yesterday had worried him, not allowing a peaceful night. he gave a small, yet weak all the time, smile. a hopeful flame ignited in the smile.

   "are you alright? i wanted to check on you." his thick british made you more hopeful of a greater future, one where you weren't threatened by the laws of the land. you have a sigh, nodding your head before apologizing for your outburst. wilbur, in his naturally good nature, waved you off with a smile.

   "don't worry about it, [name]. we all get mad sometimes. i'm just glad i found you before you hurt yourself more." the brunette said, placing a hand on your shoulder. wilbur was someone who always knew how to calm others down, someone who could pick a persons brain in a matter of moments.

   you leaned into the touch, one of the only comforting feelings you've had in days. dream's words came to your mind, making you shudder. wilbur, having noticed, spared you a glance. "are you cold?" he asked and, although you wanted to say no, you couldn't give any indication that you were scared.

   at your nod, wilbur stripped himself of his suit jacket, placing it over your shoulders. the man smiled at you, truly a gentleman. "it is a bit cold around here. you can keep my jacket until you find one for yourself, yeah?" he told you, giving your shoulder a gentle squeeze.

   wilbur had always been kind like that, gentlemanly in his own sweet ways. the brunette had always acted like this around you, giving you his jacket whenever you were cold or shooting you a smile whenever you were sad. he was like your rock in hard times.

   he was one of your most trusted friends, you could even say you would trust him with your life.

   you and wilbur talked more, although the conversation was mostly him. dream's words still haunted you. they replayed in your mind like a broken record, scratchy and out of tune, yet terrifying all the same. you weren't ready to face death yet.

   you weren't ready to die.

   you still had so much to live for.

   and yet, fate worked in cruel ways.

   wilbur had noticed how weird you were acting. he had always been observant, coming with his natural person and his role as president. you weren't there, off in a distant world doing god knows what. he wasn't the one to be nosy, but he was curious as to what was on your mind.

   the birds chirped their melodious tune, a peaceful melody to interrupt the dreadful silence.

   explosions cut through the silence. loud and abrupt, the explosives at the entrance of l'manberg, already blown up beyond recognition, exploded. people came rushing out of their homes, scared and confused and tired. the war was still taking its toll on them.

   always making the grand entrance, stood dream. his smiley face mask, chipped at the edges from years of wear and tear, stared back tauntingly at the citizens; it mocked their fear. he didn't say anything for a moment, only staring. waiting and watching for someboy else to make the first move.

   "for fucks sake, dream," shouted tommy, irritated. "what do you want now!? you already blew up l'manberg and now you're doin' it even more!" the tangent he was about to go on was interrupted by wilbur placing a hand on his shoulder, silencing him. wilbur stepped up, appearing to not be afraid of stepping up to dream.

   "what do you want dream?" he asked coldly, eyes of steel narrowed at the other man. dream only snickered, his smirk obvious. he only came to taunt you all, to shove his win in l'manbergs face. the face that l'manberg wasn't free overjoyed him.

   "oh nothing," dream said in a sing song tone. "just wanted to come by to see one your people, wilbur." wilbur hadn't known what to reply, the response from dream confusing him. he opened his mouth to speak, yet you couldn't hear or decipher his words.

   dread washed over you. it enveloped you in its cold embrace, smothering you while you begged for it to stop. you almost wanted to plead, to plead dream to leave you alone. you swallowed harshly, nervous as dream scanned the crowd ─ presumably for you.

   maybe you could leave. if you slipped out quickly, no one would notice. you could leave so easily, without interfering with what was happening. although it would be a cowardice move. you blinked back your fears as you stood there, silently hoping he wasn't there to see you.

   the universe didn't seem to hear your pleas.

   dream had came up to you, grinning and glowing with glee. "[name]!" he exclaimed, the sadistic undertone clear in his words. "how've you been?" you could only stand there in shock, all eyes on you. your next few moments depended on this, for you could lose your life within a few minutes.

   your lack of an answer clearly displeased him, his grip on your shoulder increasing. you winced, hissing underneath your breath. "i've been okay." you stammered meekly, reluctant in answering his question. he only smiled wider, letting go of your shoulder.

   "good, good! i came to remind you of our little deal. remember what my words were, okay?" your blood ran dry at his words, and so did everyone else's judging by their reactions. dream only turned, saying goodbye to the citizens of l'manberg and being on his way.

   all eyes were still on you when he left. they didn't leave you even as you crumpled in on yourself, grasping at whatever warm skin you could find. shouting began quickly. tommy was shouting, yelling at you for what deal you had made with dream.

   you could see wilbur's shocked face. disappointment shone on his features, his creased brow in confusion making you want to vomit. he stopped tommy yelling, although only a short amount of time before it began again, while walking up to you. "you made a deal with dream? the villain?"

   you couldn't speak even if you wanted to. words wouldn't make it past your throat, you almost clawed them out. you only choked on them, eyes wide and panic filled. you were scared of losing your friends, as well as your life.

   telling them about the deal would be going against him, right?

   you nearly started sobbing. the reminder that you were around people who expected you to be strong stopped the urge. you sniffled, opening and closing your mouth to speak yet no words making it past. wilbur's disappointment strengthened.

   "[name], tell me what deal you made with dream." the firmness of wilbur's voice had been one you hadn't heard directed at you before. to tommy, and sometimes tubbo, but never you before. you couldn't shake the feeling of dread that voice came with. he put a hand on your shoulder, and the familiar comfort didn't come with it this time.

   "i can't, wilbur..." you choked out, the fear of power from dream outweighing any of your friendships. you couldn't bear your death coming earlier, as well as your friends having to watch it. tears steamed down your face, lip quivering and eyes fluttering. wilbur showed no pity. he wasn't the kind man who had offered his jacket before.

   "i'm sorry, [name], but until you tell us what deal you made with dream, you can't be here anymore."

   the words taunted you. they laughed and mocked and jeered you while you sobbed. you could only look up at wilbur, stammering out words you don't even know made sense or not. he apologized again and, with that, escorted you out of l'manberg.

   you cried as you left.

   you had no where to go. your home was l'manberg, and now you had been escorted out by your friend of years. you didn't know where else to go except the lake. the lake you had met dream only days ago, your own pathetic relfection staring back at you. your eyes were red and puffy, a significant indication you had been bawling.

   footsteps approached you, and much like that night only days ago, there dream stood.

   you flinched as he sat next to you. he hummed, leaning back on his palms, grass blades tickling his fingers. he looked up at the sky, the twinkling night stars. you sniffled. he let out a sigh, one of content and pleasure.

   "this is going to be the worst week of your life, and i'll make sure of it."

   he would keep his promise.

taglist, (open)

━‎ ‎ ‎@paradigmax ; @pachowpachowbucket ; @acatstalkingyou ; @angelicaschuyler-church ; @saucey-kneecapzz42020 ; @piano-boo ; @i-need-hugs ; @strawbrinkofdeath ; @halloweenpoison13 ; @boiled-onionrings ; @feverish-dove ; @ahmya-4 ; @queenwastaken

[emma-nation]

Follow Me Through The Dark (Cassandra Dimitrescu x OC AU) - Chapter 7

Summary: After Mother Miranda's death, Cassandra Dimitrescu has been dealing with some unpleasant changes. When a stranger with a mysterious past arrives in the castle, she will realize her problems are only getting started. Pairing: Cassandra Dimitrescu x f!OC

Genre: Between T and M (Trigger warning: for violence, blood, abuse and eventual smut)

Notes: - English is not my native language. I apologize for any mistakes. - Your likes and comments are always appreciated!

Castle Dimitrescu, Cassandra's bedroom - November, 2021

In that moment, Cassandra should be hunting the Bio Weapons with her sisters. Or she could've gone after Ada Wong, what would be even more satisfying. Murdering a human who had connections with the BSAA would be a lifetime achievement. The perfect revenge for the time they planned to blow up the castle, months earlier.

But she wasn't. She was in her bedroom, holding Gabriela in her arms after they had sex. Sex always had been a meaningless entertainment so far. But not this time. This time was different from all the others. And Cassandra still couldn't figure out why.

"Know what's funny?" The foreigner spoke while they laced their fingers together playfully. "You spend years imagining vampires would come to take you wrapped in a mysterious fog or in a flock of bats, and then you finally meet them and they come as a single fly, buzzing in your ear."

"Did you often imagine how a vampire would come to take you?" Cassandra stared at her, curious. "Tell me, did you ever thought they'd be so attractive and charming as I am?"

"Of course, vampires are all attractive and charming! It's a rule."

"How many others have you met before?"

Gabriela let out a long and relaxed laugh. Cassandra couldn't resist, when she noticed she was laughing too.

"C?" The girl turned around with a serious expression. They were face to face now. "I would. I would be able to handle it."

"What are you talking about?"

Cassandra knew exactly what she meant. She was afraid to hear the answer. Gabriela's next words would change everything. They would break through an emotional barrier that would shied the Dimitrescu sister for over six decades.

"The question you asked me earlier. You gave me no time to answer. I like you exactly the way you are. And I think about you all the time. When we're apart, I can't wait to be with you again. I think... I think I'm love with you!"

Foolish girl! She wasn't supposed to feel this way. It would never work!

Cassandra wasn't like Bela. She was incapable of loving. Someday, she'd lose control of her temper and she'd kill her exactly like she did to every maid, every human she murdered before. And maybe her heart wouldn't be able to take it. It would cause her an immeasurable pain she wasn't ready to face. A pain she wasn't ready to feel.

Would Gabriela feel the same if she had ever witnessed Cassandra slaughtering one of her prey? Of course not! She'd see her as monster, like everybody else. She'd be scared. She'd go away.

"C?" Gabriela insisted. "Please, say something. Don't leave me hanging like a fool."

"You..." Cassandra stood up, her naked body wrapped on the bed sheets. "You shouldn't have said that."

"But you asked me. I thought..."

"You misunderstood it. Like you never understand a single thing people say because of this defective brain of yours."

Yes. Using her issues to hurt her was the best manner to push her away. Gabriela would be safer if she hated her. If she just stayed away from her.

"Well, it seems like I'm not the only one with a defective brain here. Because until five minutes ago you were behaving like a normal individual, instead of a sadist monster."

That was exactly what Cassandra wanted to hear. But she still needed more. She needed a manner to make Gabriela go away for good.

"Know what I think?" The foreigner continued. "You're afraid. You're afraid to admit there's something going on between us."

"Afraid?!" Cassandra let out a sarcastic laugh. "I'll show you who should be afraid."

In a blink, she pinned Gabriela against the wall. After using her flies to grab a dagger from the desk, she pressed it against her neck.

"Quit the show, Cassandra. Your old tricks aren't enough to convince me. You're acting like child fighting against your feelings."

The door opened in a slam. Both Cassandra and Gabriela immediately turned around. If her move wasn't enough to convince the girl of her intentions, that was the opportunity Cassandra needed.

"Cassandra!" Lady Dimitrescu shouted as she stomped into the chambers. "There you are! I've been calling you for minutes and..."

She paused, shooting a long and displeased gaze at Gabriela. It wasn't the first time she caught Cassandra with a servant. It had happened many and many times before. However, even the Countess seemed to know there was something different in the air.

"Mother," she spoke. "I couldn't hear you."

"Of course you couldn't," Alcina said this last part with a short and ironic laugh.

"You came in the right time, mother. Not only Gabriela allowed a member of the BSAA into the castle, but she also let her escape. I had to seduce her to make her confess, but now, I was about to punish her properly."

"Oh daughter, I appreciate that. But there were other manners to make them confess."

Lady Dimitrescu let her claws out and started to approach the scene. Cassandra held Gabriela stronger against the wall, covering her mouth so no one would hear her screaming.

And then, their eyes crossed. For the first time since her arrival, the foreigner seemed to be genuinely terrified. Her eyes begged Cassandra to let her go.

"It's better this way," the brunette closed her eyes, mentally repeating those words to herself.

The door opened again.

"Cassandra? Mother?" It was Bela's voice. "I found something in the woods."

The blonde walked in before Lady Dimitrescu could harm Gabriela. Cassandra inhaled deeply. She couldn't quite tell if she was frustrated or relieved.

"What the hell is going on here?" Bela's eyes went wide in shock. "Let her go! Now."

She immediately advanced forward, pushing Cassandra away from Gabriela. The middle sister didn't fight back. She didn't react. Her mission was already accomplished anyways.

"Bela, stay back," Lady Dimitrescu angered. "She has betrayed us! She allowed a member of the Alliance into the castle."

Bela glanced at Gabriela, how shook her head in denial while the tears streamed down her face. That was enough to bring the eldest daughter's merciful side to surface.

"I hired her," she told. "She's my responsibility. I'll deal with her."

She escorted Gabriela out of the room. Cassandra exchanged a look with her mother before she started collecting her clothes.

At least they'd hunt the Bio Weapons. She'd definitely need that to cool off her head.

----------

Castle Dimitrescu, Bela's Bedroom - November, 2021

"Please, don't kill me," I begged as Bela locked her bedroom's door. "Cassandra lied. I... I didn't let Ada Wong in. She used one of the secret entrances."

I also told her about my past with that mysterious woman and how I could barely act when I confronted her outside the castle. I also told her about my situation with Cassandra.

The blonde gave me some clothes to wear and offered me a glass of water. She listened to me patiently, without showing any signs she planned to kill me.

"Cassandra..." Bela sighed deeply and shook her head in a mix of disappointment and denial. "I'm sorry about that. My sister she..."

"She's a monster. I thought I could trust her, that I could learn to love her the way she is, but now? I don't want to ever see her again!"

"Listen, it's a lot more complicated than it seems. I'll have a conversation with Cassandra but for your own sake, you should go back to London. My mother will never let you get away."

Complicated? That wasn't the word I'd use for Cassandra. She was a coward. There was no better word to describe someone who would rather kill me than face her own feelings.

"I need to go now," Bela told me. "I'd like to talk to you again tomorrow, before you leave."

"Oh great..." I wiped away the tears that insisted on keep falling. "I'll be alone here in the castle with your psycho mother. I'll certainly last until the morning."

"I'll ask someone in the village to let you spend the night. You'll be safe there, I promise."

"Thank you."

I went to my bedroom, where I started to collect my stuff. When I noticed, Cassandra was standing right behind me.

"What do you want?" I angered. "Came to finish what you started back in your bedroom?"

"I'd like to," she answered. Her expression looked completely different from the one I saw moments earlier. There was no cruelty. There was no sarcasm. There was no confidence. She seemed... broken. "But I can't. For some reason, I just can't."

"Yeah, because you're a coward. So you had to ask your mother to do it."

"Can we... Can we just talk, please?" That should be the first and only time that word slipped from Cassandra's mouth. "There's a lot in my head right now. You wouldn't understand."

"Right. Because my brain is defective."

"It's not. I didn't mean that."

"You were crystal clear on your words."

"Come on, can you stop playing tough? I'm trying to fix it before I leave to the woods with my sisters and you're not helping."

"Go, Cassandra," I opened the bedroom's door, showing her the way out. "I hope you die. I expect to never see you again. I hate you!"

"Okay," she didn't react. She closed her eyes and sighed deeply. Then she turned into flies, leaving me alone. I slammed the door behind her and cried.

I was in love with that woman. I expect her to have a good side, under all those layers of darkness. I believed we had a connection. I believed she could be different for me. But I was wrong.

There was no salvation for Cassandra Dimitrescu. She was nothing but a sadist monster.

----------

Castle Dimitrescu, Woods - November, 2021

Cassandra never cared about anything that was ever said about her. Who cared if the humans labeled her as a freak, a monster or a witch? They were usually right. Each one of them that ever dared to enter the castle became her prey.

The only words that ever caused some harm came from her mother's mouth. Sometimes, Lady Dimitrescu would be very harsh on her. But it wasn't like she didn't deserve it anyways. She was always causing trouble.

"I hope you die! I expect to never see you again, Cassandra. I hate you!"

Those words weren't supposed to be bothering her. She should be laughing. She should have enjoyed it. But she didn't. She was extremely upset and angry at herself. Gabriela was right. She was a coward.

"Why do you always ruin everything by being a jerk?" Bela asked as they started walking to the forest.

"Because I'm not you," Cassandra shrugged. "Being a jerk is my specialty."

"What did I miss?" Daniela wanted know.

"Gabriela confessed her feelings for Cassandra after they had sex. Cassandra freaked out, called our mother and they both were going to kill the girl."

"WHAT?" It was Daniela's turn to smack Cassandra's head. She allowed it. She deserved to be smacked. "Why are you such a jerk?"

"I wasn't going to kill her," Cassandra admitted. "I just wanted her to be scared enough to go away. She... misinterpreted things. She can't be in love with me."

"It's up to her, don't you think?" The younger sister asked. "Why do you think she can't be in love with you?"

"Because Cassandra thinks she doesn't deserve to be loved," Bela answered the question for her, which annoyed the brunette deeply. That cocky bastard was always assuming she knew everything about everyone. "The old vampire dilemma."

"Why don't you two leave me alone and focus into finding these Bio Weapons?"

"Sure, but you know you're gonna have to face it. Sooner or later."

"I won't. Gabriela hates me now. And honestly, it's better this way."

From distance, they heard a buzzing sound. Cassandra immediately recognized it from the day she was attacked in the woods. She gave her sisters a signal.

They went silent and waited. Some minutes later, the three humanoid figures were standing in front of them again.

"Remember, we need to cause extreme harm to the swarm to force the queen to show up," she reminded her sisters.

"Got it," they said, also pulling their sickles and get ready to fight.

It was impossible to cause any harm to the creatures when they kept turning into swarms of bees. Not even when they sisters also adopted their alternative form, they were able to inflict enough damage to attract the queen.

"Anyone has any ideas?" Bela asked. "This way, we're gonna get exhausted in a couple of hours and I have a feeling this is exactly what they want."

"We should take their humanoid form to the lake," Cassandra suggested. "They won't be able to turn back into bees. Or they'll die."

"I have a better idea," Daniela, who had been away from them for a few minutes, returned to the scene carrying a weapon neither of the sisters recognized. Bela and Cassandra exchanged a gaze, wondering what their younger sister was planning.

She pulled the trigger, revealing a flamethrower.

"Haha! DIE!"

In a matter of seconds all the bees had turned into ashes, forcing the queen to finally show up to complete the job.

"Are you training her while I'm away?" Bela asked Cassandra, while they both attacked the Bio Weapon with their sickles.

"No," the brunette told. "Actually, I have no fucking idea where she got that from."

As soon as the creature shaped into a bee swarm, Daniela used the flamethrower again. Killing it instantly.

"That was easy," she told, proud of herself.

"My little sister is finally growing up," Bela patted her on the shoulder. "Mother will be very proud of you."

Cassandra sat down on the floor, resting her back against a tree. She started wondering what she could even do to fix her situation with Gabriela. Would she even be able to forgive her? She didn't seem to be the type who gave second chances.

"She's in Elena's house," Bela approached her. "You should go after her."

"Maybe I should wait until tomorrow," Cassandra said. "I'll tell mother I lied and then I... I have this speech inside my head. I don't even know how I'm gonna make her listen. When she starts yelling at me, there's nothing in the world that will make her shut up."

She could write it down and send Gabriela a letter but she remembered she'd hate it. She hated long and exhaustive texts. Cassandra let out a small laugh, remembering the moments she shared with Gabriela before.

"You could shut her up with a kiss," Daniela suggested.

"I'm sure you'll find a way," Bela told. "You could steal some of mother's flowers to give her. She'd love it."

Cassandra considered the idea for a second. In case the flowers didn't work, she should try it with one of Lady Dimitrescu's jewels. Every women loved jewels. Gabriela wouldn't be different.

"Hey, you two can go back to the castle. I'm going to the pub for a drink. I have a feeling this speech will work better while I'm drunk."

After parting from her sisters, Cassandra started walking headed to the village. She never imagined someday she'd be planning an apology speech to give someone. But Gabriela wasn't a simply someone. She was the someone who made Cassandra laugh. The someone who drove her crazy everyday. The someone who made her ignore even her mother's calls.

"That's where I should start," she thought.

A projectile coming from the forest hit her back, causing a sting sensation. At first, she assumed it could be one of Daniela's pranks. They were always playing pranks on each other. But when she removed it, analyzing it in her hands, it was already too late.

"It's a... tranquilizer dart..."

----------

Castle Dimitrescu, Dining Room - November, 2021

I was used to sleepless nights. Due to my extended list of trauma, I often experienced insomnia. But falling asleep after crying until exhaustion made me wake up feeling like a zombie that morning.

As life wasn't any kind to me, Bela arranged for me to sleep at Elena's house. The villager who looked exactly like Cassandra. A good and human version of her.

I turned on my phone when I woke up. Samuel had called me on the previous night. I sent him a text as response. I didn't want him to notice my voice was a complete mess.

"It's time to go home," I finally concluded. There was nothing else in that place for me. I already knew what happened to my family and I'd never be able to make that information public. And even if I did, there was no one left to be punished.

It didn't mean I hadn't made a copy of the files for myself. Before I left the castle, I broke into Lady Dimitrescu's office and copied the data to my own laptop. Later, I could decide what to do. Maybe I should go after Ada. Or even Leon.

"Gabriela," Elena knocked on the bedroom's door. "Mrs. Petrova is here. Lady Dimitrescu is requesting your presence in the castle."

I sighed weary. That maniac gigantic vampire bitch should be planning to kill me. Even when she was only able to find the Bio Weapons because of me.

As I followed my way to back to the castle, I hoped Bela and Daniela would be there too. I believed they'd protest against my death. If they hadn't been playing a twisted game with me in the last few days too.

When I opened the door, they were all having breakfast. Except for Cassandra.

"Sit," Lady Dimitrescu ordered as soon as I entered.

I picked one of the chairs in front of her, by the side of her eldest daughter.

"Good morning, Gabriela." Bela greeted me. "Serve yourself."

Before I could say no, Daniela handed me a plate she filled with some of her favorite food. Bela served me a cup of tea. The Countess was still glaring at me. If her eyes could shoot daggers, I'd be dead right now.

"Where's my daughter?" She finally asked.

"Excuse me?" I asked, confused, while I sipped my tea.

"She isn't in her bedroom. Since you two have been engaging in sexual activity very often, I assumed she could only be with you."

I choked on my tea. The other servants started to exchange looks and giggles. Mrs. Petrova eyes went wide in shock.

In that moment, I wished I could just drop dead.

"I haven't seen Cassandra since last night, before she left to fight the Bio Weapons. I'm sorry, maybe you should take a look in another servant's bedroom."

Daniela burst into laughs. Bela elbowed her ribs when she noticed her mother went red in rage with my answer. We were in silence for a moment, before Lady Dimitrescu finally yelled at the housekeeper.

"What are you waiting for, Mrs. Petrova? Inspect the servants' bedrooms. Find Cassandra, now!"

"What was the last time you saw her?" I asked Bela. I hated myself for feeling worried, but I couldn't help it.

"We were coming back from the woods," she told, pensive. "Cassandra said she was going to the village for a drink."

"Well, somebody should check the villagers' beds too."

"Oh my god!" Daniela shouted. "I hope it's not Elena. That would be awfully weird."

I was about to tell her it wasn't Elena when I noticed Bela's face. Her expression turned serious and dark. Cassandra's older sister knew her better than anyone in that room.

"Something happened," she immediately told. "She wouldn't do that. She would have returned by now."

Lady Dimitrescu went even more enraged than she already was. In the depths of her eyes, I could finally see how worried she was.

"I'm gonna murder each one of those villagers..." she stood up, exhibiting two huge metallic claws coming out from her hands. "They'll pay for that!"

"Mother, I should talk to them first. If anything happened, Aleena's friends are informed and they'll tell me about it."

In the end Bela managed to convince her mother, but they both agreed Daniela should stay in the castle. I followed her outside, announcing I was going with her.

"Do you think the villagers really did something to Cassandra?" I asked.

"No, I don't," Bela seemed certain of her words.

"Then..."

"We caught the Bio Weapons, not their maker. Whoever was behind them is still out there and I believe they did something to Cassandra."

----------

Eastern Europe, Woods - November, 2021

"I should've brought a weapon or something," I thought as I tried to follow Bela into the woods. It was hard to keep her rhythm, especially when the girl decided to turn into a swarm of flies to observe the area from above.

"I found something," she said when she returned to my side. She extended her palm, showing a dead fly. Which was exactly like hers. "This is one of Cassandra's flies."

"Are you sure? And she could've lost it yesterday, during the fight. It doesn't mean..."

I was trying to be optimistic. After all, Cassandra was also missing days earlier, when she took me to the hospital. The thought made my heart ache a little bit. I remembered how caring, how supportive she was that day.

I remembered the last time I saw her. The last words that came out from my mouth - 'I hope you die. I expect to never see you again. I hate you!'. I started regretting them. What if Cassandra had really died? Was that even a possibility?

"I'm sorry," I apologized. "I'm just trying to follow what I learn in therapy for once. I'm trying to see the bright side of things. This is bullshit, I know."

"You're worried," Bela concluded. The corners of her lips curled up a little bit. "This is what our minds do, when they don't want to accept reality. I felt the same when Miranda captured my girlfriend."

"Y-Yeah but... it doesn't even compare. I mean, there's nothing between us. I just..."

The blonde gave me a knowing smirk. I blushed.

"There's no need to hid that. Cassandra likes you too, this is why she's being a jerk. It's her way to show affection. Trust me, we're always arguing over the silliest things."

"Oh," I looked down to my feet in embarrassment. "I don't think this is the case. She was going to serve me as your mother's dinner last night."

"She's trying to runaway from her feelings," Bela told as she inspected the perimeter around us. She lowered her voice. "I'm detecting a human presence nearby. Quiet!"

I tensed up, carefully paying attention to my surroundings. I got in a fighting position, even though I knew it was useless. If someone was able to take Cassandra, they could easily take me too.

"Bela, are you..." before I could even finish my sentence, I noticed Bela had vanished. Great, I was on my own against our enemy.

I could finally hear their footsteps closer and closer in my direction. I did the only thing in my reach, I hid behind a tree and waited. I took a quick glance. The culprit seemed to be examining the area with some kind of device, searching for something. Or someone.

"Stop," I yelled as I emerged from behind the tree. "Right there!"

They turned around. I was kinda surprised, but not too much. Ada Wong was standing in front of me again.

"Are you going to follow me everywhere now?" She sighed and rolled her eyes.

"Me?" I let out an ironic laugh. "Trust me, you're the last person I wanted to see."

"Then go home. I have important stuff to do here and you're disturbing me."

As Ada started to walk again, Bela suddenly re-appeared, landing on top of her and pinning her on the ground.

"Where's Cassandra?" She placed a sickle against Ada's neck. "What have you done to my sister?"

----------

Eastern Europe, Woods - November, 2021

After I prevented Ada and Bela from killing each other - which wasn't easier, considering they both had some impressive fighting skills and one of them is a vampire - we finally concluded we were searching for the same thing, the person behind the Bio Weapons.

Yet, the Dimitrescu daughter only felt safe after she took every weapon Ada was carrying and handed them to me.

"You two should head back to where you came from," Ada told us. "This is a job for adults. You'll get killed."

"I'm over eighty years old," Bela responded. "And immortal. If someone is surviving this, it'll be me."

"Your sister was supposed to be immortal too and right now, we could be walking on her ashes."

"Stop!" I yelled. I couldn't put up with her arrogant voice anymore. "Cassandra is not dead. We'll find the maker and I'll make them pay for what they did."

The two women exchanged a gaze.

"She's definitely getting killed," Ada whispered to Bela, still loud enough so I could listen. "With her attitude and the lack of skills, she won't last five minutes."

"I do have skills. You have no idea of the things I went through - because of you, by the way. I had to learn how to survive, how to fight."

"Awe-inspiring speech, cariño. But I did not force you to be a car thief."

"Wait... how do you even..." Did she make a research after our encounter in the previous night? Or she kinda kept track of my steps after abandoning me in London? I needed to hear an answer.

"What is the story between you people?" Bela interrupted us, clearly annoyed. "There's a lot of unresolved tension here. Are you exes or something?"

"Ada rescued me from the village I belonged to, after helping her boyfriend to murder my entire family," for some reason the word 'boyfriend' caused a certain discomfort on Ada. She tried to protest, but I didn't let her. "Then she abandoned me to my fate in London, where I went through the most horrible and traumatic experiences."

"What did you expect me to do?" She asked. "You were not my responsibility anymore."

"Yes, I was. I was seven, I couldn't survive on my own! If you planned to throw me at some random street, you should've let me die."

"You two need therapy," Bela sighed weary, shaking her head in denial.

"Okay, I'll start," Ada was finally ready to join the argument she had been avoiding. "Gabriela wasn't able to pass the 'anger' stage of grief. She still mad at her parents for abandoning her somehow. And since then, she has been projecting her feelings onto me."

"I'll go next," I wouldn't quit, not this time. "Ada is an egotistical bitch, shady as fuck, who betrays everything and everyone around her for money. When she discovered I had no mutation she could benefit from, she discarded me like trash."

"This time, I'm totally letting you die."

"You won't have to," I started to walk away before I jumped on her throat. "I'm going to find Cassandra on my own!"

"Good luck taking down some Bio Weapons with your barehands."

"Gabriela," Bela called. "Come back here."

I ignored it. I could do this. Somehow I felt responsible for Cassandra getting in trouble, so I'd be the one to take her back to the castle in safety. I owed her that. She saved my life.

"I'm sorry, C," I spoke to the void as I walked distracted. "I don't want you to die. I just want to hear that stupid laugh of yours again. Please, I need you."

I tripped into something, almost falling on the ground.

"What the fuck..."

I removed the leaves and dirty with my foot, revealing a huge metallic door. A bunker. Right in the middle of the woods.

You lost it, Ada. I had found the maker's hideaway.

[p-antomime]

your latest fic is just *chef's kiss*. YESSSS Izana is a switch, ran is a mean dom, and Hanma is a hard dom. Izana is such a good bf making sure that you cum, and enjoying the way he is praised. You can never get bratty with Izana because he's simply the definition of soft boy when he's with you. Whenecer you act up, he'll just ask "baby, what's wrong? I'll fix it for you?" 🥺. He's not as perceptive as the other two but he's so straightforward and genuine that if any of you ask him to give the moon, he'll do it. Also, I think Izana has a sadistic side too but he's conflicted for some reason????? Like, he loves to see your tear stricken face and wants to be the one who cause it but whenever he does he just can't like he's really worried even when the three of you reassure him??? so I think that's one of reasons he now enjoys watching you getting fucked mercilessly by Ran and Hanma. ALSO I WOULD NOT SHUT UP ABOUT SOFT! IZANA. whenever he's with you three, he is just so soft, and the lovey look in his eyes is just so clear. I think Kakucho is the one who is suprised the most with this. He can't imagine Izana being interested having a romantic relationship with someone, especially with three people. Though they eventually got used to it especially that his other boyfriends are working in the same place. But imagine how they didn't first find out in their workplace but in a random cafe, the other bonten members accidentally seeing the four of you in a date. Everyone's so suprised especially Mikey and Kakucho because fuck the look in Izana's eyes are as clear as day as he listens to the 3 of you talk to each other. He's not shy but just watching the three of you smile is enough for him *please hug him, he's so precious*.

YOU MADE ME.

SO FUCKING SOFT. :((

i really like the idea of playing with izana's personality dynamics and I'm very proud that you were able to see that in the fic with him + hanma + ran :((

he's so precious and i clearly project on him the idea of 'guy who is rude/bad to others, but nice to his own s/o', y'know? to me, this literally defines izana's whole personality!

NOOOOOOOOO AND YOU SPEAKING ABOUT IZANA + SADISM! honestly, i think Izana would be quite neurotic about maybe hurting you more than you can handle, even if not only you, but Ran or Hanma would tell him that it's okay and that there is always a right way to do things. Probably even with a safe word, Izana would still be a lil afraid!

ARGHHHHHHHHH YOU TALK ABOUT SOFT!IZANA MADE ME ALMOST CRY, I WANT HIM AS MY BOYFRIEND!

y'know when a photographer at a wedding event can take a picture of the bride or groom almost with heart in their eyes looking at their distracted partner? FOR ME, THIS IS COMPLETELY IZANA!

him getting distracted admiring his bfs and gf face :(((( I'M SAD NOW

[kuronanox]

Trapped - Aizen Sosuke

Everywhere I go he is always watching, everything I do he knows. Aizen is the monster nobody knows about even till this day no one believes what happen a 110 years ago.

"What do you want?" (Your Name) bitterly says to the 5th captain as he kindly invited himself next to her.

"What do you mean? I'm nicely taking a stroll next to you."

(Your Name) pushes him away from her as Hinamori came running from behind them. "(Your Name) don't you think you are being rude to Aizen Taicho?"

"We are simply messing around." He warmly smiles to his lieutenant and pats her head as she smiles back. (Your Name) stares in disgust at the scene in front of her. Although she never told Hinamori he was a bad man she gave hints to the younger girl. (Your Name) knew he was up to something but she didn't know what yet.

"Tch." (Your Name) said and walked away, although Aizen kept the smile on his face as he watched her walk away.

"Why do you hate Aizen Taicho?" Renji asks her as most of the liutenants decided to go drinking for the night. "I have my reasons." she simply stated as Matsumoto shook her head and wrapped an arm around (Your Name). "Don't tell me that you confessed your feelings and he denied them."

(Your Name) furiously pushed her away before chugging the sake bottle infront of her.

"Aizen! He isn't kind like how you all think he is! Neither is Gin and Tousen." she yells as it got dead silence as the liutenants started hearing other captains names in her mouth. "He tried to kill previous captains and liutenants for his own advantages! I'm serious all my friends... I witness them. They were covered in white and he was just smiling like a sadistic!"

There was no words coming from anyone's mouth and they all started laughing as she gives a look of disbelief "No one believes me."

"Looks like someone had to much drinks tonight!" Renji blurts out as Shuhei and Kira laugh along side with Rangiku, Ikkaku and Yumichika.

"Good thing Hinamori isn't here, or else she would have told Aizen."

(Your Name) just ignored their laughter as she plays along with them and decided it was time to get back to her barrack. "Goodbye." she tells everyone and exit the small pub.

Almost reaching the 13th squad barracks where she is currently the 3rd seat she felt a menacing atmosphere around her almost as a snake was watching her. "I know you are following me."

Gin comes out from the shadows and grin towards her as he raises his hands. "Looks like I got caught."

"Why are you following me?" she says now as he simply gets closer to her as she backs up towards the wall where he cornered her. "Nothing much, Ya know ya shouldn't be spreadin false rumors."

Before she could say anything Ukitake opens the door and his eyes widen. "Oh my! So scandalous." He cheerfully laughs and scratches his head lightly to break any tension. (Your Name) pushes Gin off and runs behind her captain.

"See ya (Your Name)!" Gin waves off as she peaks from behind Ukitake and snorts.

"Weirdo."

"(Your Name) I didn't know you and Ichimaru Taicho were a item."

"We aren't, It's just-" she stopped mid sentence and sighed before opening the door for their barrack. "It's nothing Taicho. No one ever believes me anyways."

Ukitake watches her leave and then looks at Gin. "People have been suspicion about him recently especially Hitsugaya Taicho." He sighs and makes his way towards Kyorakus place for some night drinking. "Good work!" He cheerfully said to a shinigami that was sweeping the floor as he passed by.

Little did he know Aizen was watching everything.

"I am the absolute, everything will be to my command."

Aizen says wrapping his arms around the back of her, as if his long arms were going to suffocate her neck. She tried to scream but it was only silence that came out. The pain of her throat burning was present.

She wanted to move but her body was stuck as he moved himself to face her. He didn't look like the Aizen everyone knew. His glasses were gone and his hair was slick back. This was the real Aizen. He smiled elegantly as he watched her struggled to let her voice be heard.

"As it should be (Your Name), a voice that can't be heard. No one ever believed you and very soon they will regret not listening to you... very soon."

She woke up in the middle of the night with cold sweat, her heart rate was rocketing. She hugged her knees and cried. She missed them, Shinji, Yoruichi, Kensei, Urahara all of them. She was determine to find them one day even if it met betraying the soul society.

She shuttered in fear. "That dream felt so real."

The following months passed and the soul society was hectic. (Your Name) learned that someone murdered Aizen. "It can't be real." She shutters seeing his body. She knew it wasn't real, everyone was placing blame on Gin but Gin was working next to Aizen. Kira and Hinamori were locked up for advancing towards each other and now she felt the menacing reitsu of Hitsugaya flow out.

"We have to stay calm and act together. It's not him!" (Your Name) screamed to Hinamori as the girl was fast to yield her sword and attack Hitsugaya upfront. The smaller man hit her to hard as she fell on the floor

(Your Name) couldn't tell why but she was frozen. Her body couldn't move and her voice wasn't heard again. She saw Hinamori collapse.

"Stop fighting." (Your Name) quietly says watching Gin and Hitsugaya.

"All of you are pathetic. Aizen... he's doing this to throw everyone off. The vice captain and captains shouldn't be fighting each other." She screamed at them. "Shh (Your Name) your voice can't be heard remember?"

The smooth deep voice whispered in her mind as she grabbed her head. "STOP MESSING WITH MY HEAD!" Her cold sweat coming back as she sees a blurry view of the two captain engaged in battle.

Finally getting up to attend the aid of Hinamori she saw a flash of Gin's blade moving towards the small girl. With (Your Name) reaching out for Hinamori she was about to miss saving her by a second.

A sharp blade collapsed with Gin as Matsumoto showed up to save the day.

The following nights she had nightmares, it was as if Aizen was creating them. He was torturing her. With Rukia's execution and the whole gotei against each other she couldn't keep up. She began to get stressed, and depressed. She needed to find Aizen and confront him. "I know he isn't dead, that bastard."

A rough hand had covered (Your Name) mouth in her sleep as she was dragged out of bed. Aizen in her view as she screamed only to be knocked out cold. The next time she woke up was with Gin as she sees a happy Hinamori embrace Aizen. "Hinamori don't do it, please don't do it."

She was stabbed like a pawn, she watched as Hitsugaya wrath got lost in control. Aizen defeated everyone. No one was stopping him from his goal. She looked at two bodies and central 46 laid on the floor just as he did 110 years ago. "You monster." She tells him as he held her chin. "I'm simply achieving a goal, there is nothing to be bitter about." He defends as she spits in his face. Unpleasantly his hand slapped her face as she saw the red blood coming from her mouth.

"Why didn't you just kill me all these years?" She then says as he shakes his head. "Because watching you suffer and torturing your sleep everything night was pleasing."

The prescene of Unohana and Isane joined the room as her suspicions of Aizen were right. Looking towards (Your Name) Unohana gave a sympathetic look towards her.

Aizen revealing his plans throws (Your Name) towards where the bodies were laid as him and Gin made there way to the hill. "I am in no use of watching you suffer anymore." Aizen then tells her.

Unohana ordered Isane to warn the Soul Society that Aizen was the real enemy.

"No one believed me till now." (Your Name) mustered up as the tears fall down. "It takes our world to be thrown into chaos for my voice to be heard."

"We apologize for the behalf of all Soul Society, we should have listened to your warnings years ago." Unohana says taking care of the injured Captain of squad 10 and lieutenant of squad 5.

"It's fine, what's done is done. I have to go to the hill and see everything for myself." She then says as Unohana gives her permission to leave.

At the hill Aizen was already captured, (Your Name) already knew he was going to escape though. Aizen was the mastermind of everything that had been happening. He looked into her eyes with a smirk. "I knew you would come."

She sneers in disgust, she wanted so bad to hurt him, she wanted Aizen to feel the pain she did all these years.

"To everyone in Soul Society today, I've been hiding my plans under your noses for years. It's such a shame that no one believed my dear (Your Name)." Aizen announces as Gin and Tousen stand beside him as they escape through a garganta.

"(Your Name) congratulations, you survived all these years. I'll be waiting for you in your dreams."

She shutters, he was still planning to torture her? No he couldn't but then again Aizen is the mastermind.

As everyone recovered from the days event, she was given an big apology from everyone. She didn't want that though. She wanted her friends back.

"Let's see how things turn out for you (Your Name), you never fail to amuse me." Aizen voice says in her head that very night she fell asleep.

(Your Name) lays in bed unable to move. Aizen was going to mess with her head till he was captured and dead.  "Stop messing with me." she whimpered in her sleep as she curled up as a baby.

The room was white, she mentally was messed up. The room was giving her so much anxiety, she was going to have a panic attack. "Shh, no need to be afraid. I haven't decided to hurt you yet." His voice echoes through the room as she tried to find a exit.

"Where am I?!" (Your Name) screams as he chuckles. "You are somewhere safe. Somewhere no one can hear you."

That send chills in her back, this place was not soul society. She screamed in agony and pulled her hair. "Let me out!" closing her eyes and opening them back up the white room was still in her sight.

Aizen opens the door to reveal himself, he held a calm smile on his face. "This is your new home, learn how to like and love it.

"Bastard, I'll kill you."

"Hmm sounds great, have fun trying." he playfully says and grabs her chin. "This will be your new wonderland where I'll teach you to only listen to me." Aizen seriously says then.

(Your Name) woke up with sweat on her face, her heart was racing. "This has to be a dream. Please let it be."

"I'm sorry but it's not." She hears Aizen voice as he sat beside her bed.

Her face set with horror. "How, When did I get here?"

Aizen grabs her face gently. "Welcome to your new home, I've been waiting years for this."

She was trapped, this was also his plan all along. To toy with her head and then to take her hostage once everyone believed her. "You really are a cruel man."

He smiles and leans on his hand.

"You will learn how to accept me at a matter of time. Now sleep, I have much to discuss with you later." The last haunting imagine of him was a menacing smile on his face as she fell into deep sleep.

(Author note: I’m sorry this is not my best work ;-;......)

[celisgettacos]

I'm going to post this because maybe someone will hear this over words unspoken, my name is Billy Strange and I still wake up each morning picking up the next piece, I've almost taken my life more then I can count on both hands, from a high school sweet heart marriage of 9 years turned bloody and a custody battle that went from healthy to sadistic over a span of 3 years and 20k, and it was the words from a man I barely knew for no more then 6 months, that has saved me

I see and talk to so many fathers who tell me their story and I so badly want to tell them just to listen to what I'm telling you, I can get you out of this if you just let me a stranger walk with you through it... It never works out that easy but I don't give up and I hope you all read these words and share them to those who may hear it better from the words written by their brother in arms.. any way

I look back for those 2 years I was there and remember pushing anyone close to me as far away as possible so that they didn't have to feel the initial pain or try to stop me, all because I felt like I let them all down...

The only people I kept around me were strangers because I wanted to know if they seen me as a failure not even knowing me.... It was because of that, and them being completely honest about why it was only me that maybe it wasn't meant to be,

(A Satanist told me this and I'll never forget it, it was his words that allowed me to get this far) he is not one for recognition so I won't label him.

"did you ever think that your trying so hard to hold up a world that has fallen all around you...

Maybe you are on the right path and you are only focusing on the things that have already broken, and don't realize that all you have to do is look down at each piece, see it and learn why it was so important to you and then glue it to that small piece you are still holding above you, then go to the next and keep going until each piece has shown you just how strong it actually made you to make it to someone who seen your strength, and can see you just forgot what gave you that strength.

It will hurt, it will make you hate the way you handled certain things, it will cause you to try to give up,

but because you made it a task to see each piece, and put it all back up, you will never allow yourself to give up, or find a rope, until you complete your task, because thats the person you are...

But you have to understand that it may have taken you 5 years to build that first world you now see broken below you, it will take far longer to rebuild it stronger, because you will also rebuild yourself with each piece, and you have to remember to let each piece's glue dry before placing the other or else you will watch it become to stressful and not understand why you think you are doing the right thing but it keeps falling....

Learn each piece then let it hurt, while you hold it in place to dry, let it consume your mind and play it over and over like a movie each piece until it dries, then heal, smile before you look back down for that next piece, and don't ever be scared to place even those bad things you did when not everyone was watching back into your rebuild, because without each piece it will be to weak and fall apart down the road when everything seemed good.

Basically you have to accept that you are on a dark road but to learn to see in the dark it will allow you to navigate later in life when you see a person on that same road and they ask for help.. Don't ever forget how you felt because they may have absolutely no one and will you want to be the one who pretends like you didn't see it. Anyway that being said stop mopping and let's go handle business "

The next section is a completely separate chapter from above but I feel maybe can help...

I want to add to this 4 years from that being told to me and experiencing it in real life, that sometimes you will still find yourself in a sort of limbo period I've managed to pin mine down to about every 8 months, if for some reason I didn't accomplish a goal I set prior and it feels like no matter what I do or try I can't for some reason figure it out, those are the moments you need to find a person you trust your life with because those will be the moments you will try anything to get you out of that mentality because we want to feel that we are moving forward no matter the speed, but to feel stuck and not being able to see a way out or that lost piece that you know is there it's just probably hidden under some of your other pieces..we feel like Maybe just for a moment let whatever is causing you to panic, whether it's rent, a car that is broke and no money and work tomorrow, or you've been jobless for 3 months now and even with all the resumes submitted nothing is available and winter is a cold time to be homeless with no job, or maybe you still haven't got a place to stay so that you can have your children stay with you finally, whatever it is the worst thing that can happen is what you silently keep fighting to not take over,

I just want this fight to stop for one night, I just want all this stress to burry itself tonight so I can try to breathe... What that really means is I'm going to go back to those bad habits I had because it always quieted those fights in my head and if I can just do that I will have a clear mind to find a solution..

I will tell you from experience that once you reach that moment nothing but a person of trust will stop you from taking that hit, or drinking those shots, calling that sexual excitement, spending the money you don't have on the gambling machines, going out on the town with the sole purpose of getting wasted, because we truly believe that we are better prepared to control our vices, we will stop at our limit, what we never realize is that we allowed those vices to retake control by thinking you needed it to breathe.

What will ultimately usually happen is a night of uncontrolled guilt, constant war inside yourself, conscious tears filling up your emotional warhead..

all night this rage of self doubt quietly destroying your confidence, causing you to go right on past that limit of 2 shots, or just one line, or I'll only put 20 bucks in the slots, or I will just flirt I won't allow it to go past that,

because that fight is still loud and now more painful, because you know deep down that you allowed yourself to fall and laying there helpless...I cringe even writing these next words because it's so easy to reach this point of thinking that;

"obviously we were just meant to fail"

"why not right, "

"who really cares if I fail there's, no one here to stop me right..."

"So why should I have to carry this pain all the damn time, why is it so fucking easy for everyone else..."

And that's it...

(Those of you who are reading this and may be in this exact moment please, look at that image that you always hold in your mind of your child's eyes, look at that past moment when you and your daughter would lay under the stars with her head on your shoulder watching the magical pink elephant jump through a black sky as she explains how much she loves you and talks about anything and everything that her imagination creates under that massive sky where imagination always comes to life.... Feel her heart as she paints her masterpiece and ask you to help with the flowers over there by the big dipper so the elephant has something to give her mom,

please don't let your moment die because you have no more left, and no one in your face to help you, please call me I don't know you but I will before we hang up and I won't let you fail the only mission that will keep your children's smile alive for another year because you didn't let yourself fall.)

Cont. - don't Wake up the next day or still awake 12 hours later after all those "friends" left you to sit with your own guilt... Oh yeah, that guilt is now yelling loudly inside your entire soul, as it launches that emotional warhead of tears, oh yeah those evil people why did they let me do this....

Why did they... Urrrghhhhh why did I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I,... DO this I can't believe I went back to what destroyed me and actually talked myself into believing this was going to help me....

It's in those tears and self reflection comes a choice that is now forced on you, oh hold that thought your friend from last night is calling, and they want to know if you want to continue this "unhealthy" adventure..

You either respond with a yes and have accepted that you have lost your control, and most times it will set you back 3-6 months or until your money runs out or those "friends" hurt you. And then you realize that all you did was take on more hurt and more pain and that's a scenario that will most likely continue to lead to occasional loss of all reality until you find that piece of your life that you keep looking over and afraid to pick up, and will cause your life to end up in constant downfalls until addressed.

Or you will have addressed that guilt and conquer a small war by not answering, because you are very In tune with accepting responsibility and able to understand that you could have destroyed your life, someone else's life, and now you know that you still are not able to control those periods of limbo when nothing is working. So accept responsibility for any loses you may have encountered, like a drug test at work, or a piece of your dignity, or people you thought were friends...

The first step from that is to immediately have the talk with that person you know will hold you accountable during those periods, 9 out of 10 times that person is who you looked up to as a child whether it's your mom, dad, grandparent, or sibling, for me it was my grandmother.. The moment you can go to them honestly no matter what it was that you did the night before, you have to let them know what that is, you have to be able to openly label the thing that will destroy you, and let them know how important they are to your strength, those tears from that conversation will build a mountain of motivation inside of you... Usually sparking that jolt to get you over that limbo...

Some people can afford to pay those people to help them, for the rest of us we have each other so that's my little piece of advice I hope it helps someone