#i cannot BELIEVE i havent posted this on tumblr yet

[sketchy--akechi]

NG+ but only Maruki remembers what happened

[sunfish999]

The nitty gritty is watering down katara's character so she's just a meek girl ? Your lying If you really think that's the same character. The producers said they would take an axe to the main characters and that's where the show really suffers...also nothing is perfect people like you is why we get stuck with mediocrity

?? I finished episode 5 but what😭 how is katara just a meek girl, i feel like yes she has a little less rage but other than that she shows that shes smart and powerful and her own person? Explain what is watered down i feel like animation usually over-exaggerates facial expressions and voices for the most part, so i’m not surprised that katara has more subtle strength so far, and also the actress has a very kind face, but i think shes still able to show some of that anger. (I havent watched the water master fight yet so maybe thats where you’re talking about, so i cant speak on that)

Idk what taking an axe to the main characters means (like really cutting them apart? Cuz i doubt they would promote a show by saying its gonna be bad but who knows). But i feel like the characters are all pretty accurate with how they carry themselves, of course they’re younger so acting wont be perfect but i think the imperfections are what brings them to life. I know a lot of people hate the writing, i feel like it’s quite similar to the show? (Though its been maybe 3-4 years since i last rewatched it) and some lines especially from something previously animated are gonna sound awkward in real life, which is why generally i believe live actions arent necessary for any animation, though in this case i’m really enjoying just rewatching atla and my childhood be brought to life.

Nothing is perfect: ok i was using perfect mostly because i was very excited about it, of course i know theres things that could be changed to improve it but a lot of those things are impossible (like you cant get an actress thats EXACTLY katara and will make everyone happy, because shes a drawing) but overall, i think the landscapes come close to perfect (i’m just really into fantasy scenes and i think it’s so beautiful and impressive to see things like the omashu supply rail and the air temple come to life. And zuko’s boat looks so awesome and so accurate too.) And i thought the cgi looked slightly silly at first (especially air) but then i realized that we were always seeing drawings of aangs air in the animation which would look even stupider irl so i made my peace pretty quickly.

People like me is why we get stuck with mediocrity… hm. I feel like my opinion probably has nothing to do with what comes out on tv, especially because in this society haters have the real power, and you guys tearing it down are more likely to get it cancelled. I don’t think any production team takes an animated film or show and thinks ‘yea im gonna make this absolutely awful,’ (though i’m really not sure what they were thinking when making the pjo movie, its good as a standalone but they went so off course from the plot…) of course they’re all just trying to fit what they think into the show and express their own opinions, which are ultimately going to be a lot different than some people watching it.

Overall, ok i haven’t watched the og in years, so my memory on comparing each episode of the show to the live action is not going to be at the level of others (which i think boosts the enjoyability 100x over). But as i watch it, i remember tons of parts of the animation, and it makes me super happy that it has the same air as the show, albeit slightly more serious because they can’t fit all the funny filler episodes (if they ever created a live action lost appa episode i would lose it that cannot happen).

Maybe i sounded rude in my original post (i changed it quickly bc it was very angry at first lol) so sorry i know you’re all entitled to your opinion, it’s just i was SO EXCITED and then checked the tag on tumblr only to see that everyone hated it… i always feel inferior to people who really like films etc because i tend to enjoy things that other people hate, (like i really enjoyed the avatar way of water movie even if it was super long, and i know people DESPISED it). So maybe i seem like someone who is satisfied with mediocrity, and maybe i am, i focus mostly on the backgrounds and beauty of movies because im really into art and much less on acting and script (though i can appreciate beautiful characters, i was Blown Away by live action suki and hair down sokka my jaw dropped fr) i agree i am fairly simple to please in terms of this type of thing.

SORRY THIS IS GETTING QUITE LONG IM SURE U WONT READ IT ALL but i hope ur finding joy in life since live action atla is obviously not doing it for u

[digitalta]

hello liloinkoink here w fic recs i just had to do zoom meetings. heres some fic. some of these might be Fandom Favorites youve maybe seen before and some of em are just ones i like.

this is about a stuffed bird - Bee_4 - complete! - post apocalyptic au, mumbo centric. the writing of this is super neat and it's a really fun read. i think this one is fun because you can guess how it ends from basically the first chapter, but it's still really fun to see it unfold

https://archiveofourown.org/works/36163102/chapters/90146260

Bee_4's writing style is also just real fuckin good, i believe theyre @/theminecraftbee on tumblr and i cannot recommend enough just lookin thru their writing tag at some of the things they've written. lots of little short pieces on there that are always quite interesting and well-written

L'Appel Du Vide - Pixelfun20 - ongoing - post third life au, no one remembers third life but grian, who only remembers third life. im not sure if youve seen third life, but if so, this is like, my all time fave 3L fic. i reread this one somewhat regularly

https://archiveofourown.org/works/34870342/chapters/86826574

Still The Echoes Give Us Light - doctortrekkie - this is a series! ongoing - really fuckin long watcher!grian series that hits basically everything from evo to the life series to hermitcraft. i havent read the entire thing (not yet got to the backstory ones for the other hermits) but it's been a lot of fun. especially big fan of Symbiotic and Good To Be Alive

https://archiveofourown.org/series/2700223

and then here's some neat ones ive read recently and enjoyed (been reading a lot of desert duo of late so, mostly them)

Of Good Times and Scars - kyngly - ongoing - super hero au, villain scar and hero grian. scar pov, and without spoiling i will say the choice to make it scar pov makes the plot unfold in a pretty interesting way. the powers are also pretty clever, again, very big fan of their scar

https://archiveofourown.org/works/38134771/chapters/95266624

apricity - GoodTimesWithScar - complete! - fun third life-inspired dnd-style fantasy au. i just read this one the other day and i found the setup to be a lot of fun. there's a twist in the final battle that i'm just enamored with

https://archiveofourown.org/works/41342553

GOD BLESS YOU. I HOPE YOU HIT ONLY GREEN LIGHTS WHEN YOU DRIVE.

[llapdog]

the OFFICIAL god is home retrospective

well, i was gonna make this an update to the website, and maybe i will, or maybe ill just link it on the last page. but i have an account on tumblr already, and ive tried to keep godishome posting to a minimum. so this is just a little post (possibly long. i havent written it yet, after all.) (update: it's long.) about god is home, the process of making it, my thoughts on it at this point in my life, and what i might (heavy on that might!) be working on next. put under a read more, for your sake.

happy 200 notes, god is home.

the first thing i should say is the typical "artist gets any amount of success" thing: i am absolutely shocked by the reception god is home got.

ive been shocked. i dont think its undeserved (im actually pretty up my own ass about my own work, which i refuse to feel shame or apologize for) but it is still unexpected; as my first foray into proper Web Art territory, it really shouldn't have done that well. i mean, 200 notes isn't breaking any grounds, honestly, but it is still kind of incredible for what a small-scale project is. it will, i theorize, reach higher points, too. i suspect one day someone will find it again through pure chance, and it will get another little burst of reblogs, as tends to happen on this website. and thatll be surprising, and, most likely, embarrassing. but i digress.

while i've certainly implied it, i don't think i've ever explicitly stated that god is home is not technically my first online art project. god is home comes from a litany of personal projects. ARG concepts that never went anywhere, personal sites for the perusal of my friends made in an afternoon, countless ideas and concepts shared between discord dms and voice calls. but it is, uniquely, the only one of my works that has been shared publicly, not counting the old ARG that my once-friend-now-enemy created that i caused the spiraling death of. not saying which one, but i doubt anyone would remember it if i did.

that's to say nothing of the countless writing projects i've started and never finished. shoutout to all the half-baked haunted house manuscripts i got several chapters into before giving up on. your memory lives on in my singular success, and your influence will be felt for as long as i am creating.

that influence already lives, though. many of the ideas of unfinished projects crystalized in the story of god is home: haunted houses (and really houses in general, my obsession with them as a literal device so intense that it made me realize i am probably autistic), frayed relationships, failed parenting, living spaces, and the search for God where He cannot be. i've been obsessed with many of these ideas for as long as i can remember, and as such i have been unable to create anything unrelated to them until i could say with certainly that i had something to show for it, some published expression of my love for these themes.

god is home, therefore, has set me free. at least a little bit. i have felt legitimately tied to the narrative of a haunted house, inexplicably connected to it in a way that has felt inescapable. of course, gih does not take that haunting literally, but i feel it's felt in the corners, most prominently in the ending sequence. it is a house haunted by its inhabitants, by their relationship, and, of course, by God, or the lack thereof.

this isn't to say i'm done with haunted houses. i wouldn't want to be. i couldn't be. but i am at least willing to write about something else, now.

but for as personal as god is home is, its also not made for me. i believe i talked about this briefly in the actual website, but i made this with and for my friends. i was helped explicitly by gerry (@graveyardcat7, shoutouts) who did the art, and who also was the only one who "playtested" this thing before i showed it to the larger friend group. that group, those three people (really four, counting myself), are who this was made for. it wasn't for you, unless you're one of them. my audience is nearly singular.

that has made public reception to this both baffling, wonderful, and difficult. i certainly don't want to act like i'm tortured because people (checks notes) liked the thing i made, but it is certainly strange to see something so personal, almost private be largely taken as a piece of Relatable Media. it's meaningful, of course, indescribably so. theres a kind of beauty i didn't expect to knowing people found themselves in an expression of my own thoughts. to everyone who has expressed the importance of this story to them, i thank you.

what makes it even more baffling is that i fully expected myself to be portraying many aspects of this story incorrectly. while it is incredibly personal, it certainly isn't autobiographical. i don't particularly want to go into how, exactly, the story lines up with my life, but i think the most obvious and important is that i actually have very little personal experience with christianity. im not a stranger to it; i have vague memories of going to church, of knowing i was wrong in the eyes of god, in being vaguely uncomfortable with the visages of jesus' crucifixion.

but i am, ultimately, agnostic. an agnostic christian, maybe, but my family barely even celebrates christmas. i was also raised by an explicit atheist for the vast majority of my life, my father leaving the church when i was young. and my parents are some of the most supportive people in my life. they knew i was a girl when i was a kid, and they did everything in their power to make my life comfortable as a trans person (including, notably, talking to the organizers of a pre-school event to try and convince them to let me be tinkerbell instead of peter pan.)

my mother is christian, but she never forced it upon me. my religion was always a choice. and yet, somehow, christianity still got its claws in me, and i still fear hell. funny how that works. chalk it up to america in general, maybe.

a lot of the positive feedback ive received has been about its portrayal of christianity and the struggles of growing up in and around the church. so im glad i got that right. it is something i care about rather deeply, and i worried i had been portraying it borderline fetishisticly, despite my efforts to make it fair.

i worried a lot about what i was portraying, actually. theres this line i had to establish that i wasnt talking out my ass about this stuff, while still not wanting people to speculate about who i am, what my traumas are. i still dont want you speculating, by the way. it happens without meaning to, of course, but... you know. im a person, and to most of you, a stranger.

(shoutout to innuendo studio's and errant signal's videos on the beginners guide. made me fear being analyzed for all time. i watched them both as a kid.)

it's funny, but i feel like, in some aspects, god is home is more representative of the media that shaped me than the events in my life that shaped me. the most obvious inspirations are likely the indie web itself, deltarune, komaedalovemail, and, of course, hypnospace outlaw, a game that has shaped me deeper than i can really express. but the inspirations are innumerable; serial experiments lain probably shaped more of this project than you would ever guess (a fact i only realized after i started playing the psx game this week, hilariously), the album tallahassee by the mountain goats, the fucking chezzkids website, house of leaves, creepypasta, tabletop roleplaying games i played with my friends, jacob geller (particularly his haunted house analysis), several dozen modern art pieces, meow wolf the art collective, the goddamn aids crisis. (the aids crisis isnt media, but still, i can't exactly claim it as personal experience.) there's more, i know there's more, but it's escaping me.

it's an aggregation of things half-remembered. all art is. yet, i still feel some masturbatory urge to catalogue those inspirations. it is, i suspect, a very human urge.

but, ultimately, all of this is just pretext. i should probably get on with actually talking about making the damn thing. i made god is home in a week, largely at a job as a receptionist in a tax office. the work was seasonal, my coworkers deeply religious in the same way i was writing about. i hid my computer screen a lot. (my boss was cool with it, funnily enough.)

often, my best work is done in a fugue state. god is home is most of what i did for that week. i wrote, or i coded, or i looked up coding tutorials. and for a first draft made in a week with very little oversight, i think it's incredible it turned out that well. but... well, it is ultimately a first draft.

there's things i would change. most obviously, i would have an actual password input for that damn puzzle. the honest reason there isn't one is because i couldn't easily google a solution to implementing one. it is my deepest regret, and i hope you can all forgive me for this glaring mistake. i think some of the writing could be cleaner, or sharper, or more evocative. not that i have any interest in going for a second lap. gih is done, and it will remain done for the forseeable future.

...i don't have much else to say on that, honestly. i think my work is good. i think the central relationship is compelling. i think mary and michael are two of my favorite characters i've made, ever. as an author's secret, i totally think they should be t4t. i didn't make them a couple because it wouldn't have worked for the story i was telling, but it remains a sort of headcanon ending for the two of them. not for a while, though. don't take this as word of god, though. whatever you think their relationship is is correct. i'm not your dad.

i'm proud of the way i told their story. i'm glad it ends hopefully. hope is the main thing i wanted out of this story.

that being said, i do have one last thing to say: god is home is not an arg, and it makes me really sad to see people call it that. not a callout if you did that, though. i knew it would happen. its inherent that any media will be, in some way, misinterpreted. misinterpreting is the stuff media analysis is made up of, really.

so... that's the actual retrospective. but i promised i'd talk about what i might work on. so here's that.

i'm planning on making a personal site next, provided i can get the motivation. please note that i've been "planning on making a personal site" since the day gih was released, and so far i have done the following:

made a new neocities account

so it'll probably be a while. but if i ever do, it'll have some new story hidden in the margins. i don't think i have it in me to make a home without a few skeletons in the closet.

as for what that story will be... i have about a hundred different ideas. your guess is as good as mine, but know that it won't be about a house this time. most likely. hopefully.

i do also have plans to do something with unhomes, the sort-of-ARG mentioned in gih. i'm not done with this world, and i know i'll find some way to come back to it. maybe even back to michael and mary, but i make no promises.

alright. that's all i got.

i'm glad i made god is home, ultimately, and i'm glad it got some legitimate appreciation. if you're one of the people who likes it, thats rad. i'm sincerely incredibly appreciative of those of you who got something out of my work.

bye-bye. see you soon, hopefully.

[leossmoonn]

i literally cannot believe i have reached this point. just a little over a year ago, i had logged back into tumblr, read like the 2 fics i had posted and said “i like writing and i havent done it in a while… maybe i should pick it back up…?” and here i am now!

thank you all so much. whether your my mutuals or readers or followers for no reason (p*rn bots i havent caught yet, im looking at yall), you have helped me so much in reaching this goal. and honestly, even if i had like 200 followers or smth, i would still be overjoyed bc im doing what i love: writing, and sharing with you all :)

ok enough of being sappy. mini game time 👹👹

celebration is open from june 15th- june 20th 2021

i am not creative so these names suck i apologize

🍵 tea, if you will - ask me anything. maybe ill reveal my darkest secret to yall

🔮 let me be your wingwoman - give me your pronouns, preferred gender u want to be w, a few facts about you, and your preferred fandom and ill ship you w someone! (fandoms - harry potter (specify which era), criminal minds, the vampire diaries universe, shameless, marvel)

🪅 love me, love me, love me! - tell me which fic of mine is your favorite! and ill do a lil commentary for it (got this from @mendesxruel )

😽 kissy kissy for u (mutuals only!) - let me write u a little love letter and tell u which fic of yours is my fav!

😩 help! my pussy’s gone crazy!! - send me characters or even celebrities, ill say who ill fmk hehe

ok have fun w all of these 😁😁😁 spam if you want 😏😏😏

tagging mutuals under the cut

@arkofblake @auroracalisto @angstology @avrilstaro @aetheralist @bublybububs @crazy-beautiful @cedrics-grave @drachoesimp @daisyyy2516 @emy600 @emilysprentisss @foyetsnewhitlist @fjorelaant @gothboutique @hellodeansbisexuality @hotchsbabygirl @hey-there-angels @iamninaanna @iaalien @lcvemalfcy @ladyvesuvia @love-chx @mendesxruel @meep-meep-not-in-a-jeep @magnificentevilsstuff @mnachopsis @maybanksslut @myalupinblack @oliviasrcdrigo @randomlimelightxxx @randomideass @staarshines @sabinanfalt @sabinanotfound @stefanswhcre @tempus-ut-luceant @thefandomchoosesthewizard @untowardflower @ur-local-reality-shifter

[sapienap]

hi hi hi!!! so i just recently hit 800 n i was going to save this for my 1k celebration, but genuinely i am just full of so much love for everyone that i couldn’t hold myself back from doing this so !!!! appreciation post for mutuals!!! n this is absolutely wild to me, bc ive been on tumblr for over 4 years now, n remade this blog at the end of september to both restart and because i was getting super into mcyt n wanted a blog to focus on that, and the fact that ive grown this much since then is absolutely insane to me!!!

im feeling full of love for all of my mutuals (aka people i consider my friends <3) so!!! have written messages for u all :DD i mostly wrote them for people i talk to a lot/look up to, so pls dont feel bad if i didnt write one for u!!!! pls absolutely follow everyone in this list they are all amazing people n deserve ur follow !!!! obs not a complete list bc bad memory but just. they are all so cool :]

also thought i would say this here but im moving blogs lol im @sapienap (wont let me tag bc new </3)

atlas ( @fear-epidemic ) atlas!!!!! oh my god okay so first off??? the fact that our friendship began bc of u thinking my icon was dan howell when it was mr. wilbur soot is sucha  cursed fact n i think that describes us very well <3 u r genuioely (i refuse to fix that mistake) such a nice person n uve just listened to me ramble about the weirdest shit n sat there as i watched anakin skywalker be hot n helped me with characterizations n i cant thnak u enough for that!!! ily <3

azzie ( @thediscsaga ) azzie azzie azzie!!!!!! the fact that we became friends bc u looked at me n just decided to call me ‘bestie’ n now here we r is so MINDBLOWING i love you so much!!!!! u r genuinely one of my bestest friends even tho we dont talk as much n i lov u sm ur always there to support me with whatever i do!!! ur always so supportive n i just. i lov u sm !!!! ur one of my favorite people n make this hell site so much better !!!!!! if im being honest lowkey anytime i lowkey feel panicked i just go to ur blog bc it honestly calms me sm :]

beet ( @homophobicpunz ) beet!!!!! okay okay okay the fact that the first time i saw ur main’s user n instantly was like “ohmy god i love that” n now here we r???? friends??? n i get to call YOU my friend??? amazing oh my god. and the fact that uve dragged me into so much shit that i lov now bc of u??? also amaizng. i just love the fact uve dragged me into So Much stuff (daredevil n all of those shows, punz, n more!!! like lowkey darth maul but only lowkey as i ahvent watched the show hes in yet dsjf) n uve honestly been so supportive of me throughout eveythting n just !!!!!! i cant think of much more to say other than ily :]

cam ( @camdotcom ) cam!!!! oh my god okay i jsut. honestly ur so nice ????? anytime im down u always manage to send an ask whenever im not feeling great n always send me smth funny n it always makes me feel so much better!!! ur genuinely one of the best people i know!!! ur always so great at everything n u genuienly make my tumblr experience so much better !!!! ur always such a great person :] n ily !!! im also ur little brother so <333

clay ( @its5undy ) tubs!!!!! my fellow southerner !!!!! im so so happy ive gotten to knwo u !!!! all bc of our weird ass server!!!! i lov u sm!!!! ur one of the brightest people i know n im so glad to have u be someone who forces me to go to sleep when i feel tired instead of encouraging me to stay up <3 n ur so cool !!!! u may not think it bur ur absolutely one of the coolest mfs on this dumb app <33 ur alos my older brother so u cant say anything bad about me Ever

daniel ( @rvnboo ) dan !!!! my sweet homie !!! oh mygod i do not remember how i met u at ALL bc my memory sis o bad but i am so glad i knwo u !!!! i get so happy every single time i get an ask from u !!! u r such a nice persobn n a great joy !!!! every single time i see u on my dash i go “:DDDD daniel!!!!!” anytime i see u in my notes i just go “!!! dan!!” honestly i associate ranboo with u now!!! i see u n go “! dan!!” n i just lov u sm??? i honestly think of u as my younger sibling n i just lov u sm

dream ( @enderrdream ) bad!!! omg ok honestly i dont remember how we met bc ur Old (/j) but seriously!!! ive been friends with u for So Long (even tho i lost u for some time) n now!!!! we r friends again!!!! n ive claimed u as my older brother !!!! we r the only valid sbi dynamic <33 but truly!!! i think u r one of the people i have known the longest!!! u ahve done so much for em n i can never thank u enough!!! i just lov u sm !!! im so horrible at explainging this but just. i love u sm <333

gogy ( @strawberrygogy ) berry!!! oh my god the fact that i ahvent known u that long buit we r so close??? we have a ship that can rival dreamnotfound n have matching cases we r the only bicthes on this entire site <333 people that send weird asks after me being trans have No Bitches KFDHYGGH but seriously !!! im so fucking glad i got to know u!!! the fact we became friends bc i saw ur account, n foudn out u read the serpent king???? that is WILD to me!!! we r Bestest Friends n i fuckign love that and our 420 mile separation <3333 i lov u !!!!!!

hari ( @netheritedream ) hari hari hari !!!!! heblo heblo!!!! god the fact that we’re in different timezones n never get to talk is so homophobic i cant believe time /j but seriously!!!! i cannot believe we never get to talk we r platonic soulmates n i can barely count the amount of times we have talked the last week </3 and the factt hat u joined n saw ME n thoguht “ah, yes. friend.” n now??? we r platonic soulmates !!!! n uve helped me make so many new friends n have even closer friendships !!! n im just. i love you so much im so glad to have you as my friend <3

jannat ( @technosoot ) maya !! my memory is so bad i cannot remember how we met at all but !!! i am so fucking happy i became friends with u !!! u r genuinely such a bright part of my life !!!! i see u n go “:DDDDDD JANNAT !!!!!!!!!” u r such a great person n i will alwayts be here for u !!!! i love u so much !!!! my brain has stopped workin but i just lov u so much omg !!!!!

may ( @notfoundgeorge ) may !!!!! omg okay honestly i look up to u so mjch!!!!!! ur one of my favorite gifmakers on this entire app!!! genuinely ur such a nice person???? n if im being honest???? i got So Happy when u followed me back !!!! bc im like. ur so cool n i was like “wow SHE followed ME??” n just!!!! i lov u !!!

rain ( @theartofmining ) rain !!!! oh my god okay ur one of the few people that have seen my fucking. chaotic side which id ont truly think many people have seen so im glad u have that honor <3333 but seriously i lov u sm shfhgfhg u were tehre as i. hitpost limit and ask limit in the span of less than a hour n u rlly encouraged me when i freaked ouytndjfghgj u ahve been there for me for So Long and i just !!!! lov u sm

roni ( @youngjustices ) roni !!! ive known u for so long n even tho i truly havent gotten to talk to u much, i lov u so much !!!! uve been so kind to me n have helped me with so much n i just. i love you so much !!!! ur such a great person n deserve everything in the world n even tho u r taking a break from mcytblr, im just !!! ok lov u sm

sakshi ( @prettyboydream ) smiley !!!!! ok first off: i wish u were getting cuddles. okay next i cannot beleieve that we r friends !!!! i ddint spell that right but ANYWAYS u r so mf cooler than me!!!! one of the coolest people on this entire fucking app !!!! i do not know how i became ur friend but im so fucking happy i am friends with u !!! ur so great and i just. i love u sm

sam ( @dogboyurahara ) league !!!! i am. god im so glad i became friends with u !!!! u walways come n say some of the weirdest shit but that is literally. the highlight of my day i just love you SO MUCH uve always been so kind to me and i just !!!!! i lov u so mcuh !!!!! ever since becoming friends with u ive rlly discovered myself n i love that fact kdhjgfghggh ur always so nice n just. i lov u sorry i say that so much

techno ( @karda ) TECHIE!!!!!!! TECHIE OH MY GOD IDK HOW I TRICKED U INTO BEING MY FRIEND BC UR GENUIENLYT!!!!!! SO COOL!!!! UR SO TALENTED!!!!! n now!!!! im friends with u!!!!!!! im ur little brother !!!!! n ur my older brother !!!!!!! n just !!!!!!!!!! i love u so mich !!!!!!! ur always so supportive of any and everything that i do !!!!! u always offer to do thinsg for em n just !!!!!! i lov u so mcuh!!!!! u always make me so happy bc i see u n im like “:DD thats techie !!! thats my brother !!” n i just. lov u sm

theseus ( @clownspartys ) tommy !!!!!!!!! tommy oh my god i ahvent known u that long but???? we r best bros??? we r the coolest mother fuckers???? we jsut!!! clicked !!! n its so easy talking to u!!!! we just go n YELL at each other in discord n i think that is very valid of us!!! u truly are one of my favorite people on here !!! anytime i see u im so happy to see u n im just !!!!!! i lov u sm !!!!

wilbur ( @pigstepmp3 ) fundy !!!! oh my god okay genuienly. i love you. ur so supportive of me n anytijme im always down ur there to call me bubba n pull me right back up !!!! anytime anythign happens ur always there like “u absolute buffoon, i lov u sm” n i just!!!! i lov u !!!! ur my older brother n have helped me so much i just love you so much <3333

n then for some other cool people you all should follow :]

@pvnz / @gogyapologist / @fruitbur / @technoblaed / @dreamsclock / @dreamnap / @wooteena / @timedeo / @dreamsmp / @sootwilbur / @wilbysoot / @nickwilding / @jschlatts / @helenspirals / @darkmttrcat / @dreamwastakenalt / @hearty-an0n / @lesbiangogy / @imgns / @dogboykarljacobs / @berenstein / @tommylnnits / @dreamslikeshoney / @enderanboo / @veel556 / @raining-acid / @stick3rzzz / @moo-moo-meadows / @dreampfp / @eret

[ryukyuan-sunflower]

I have been reading your fuugen monster of a fic (which hands down is the landmark fanfiction of this fandom) and i just wanted to say that i am so unbelievably in awe of your talent, and bain, and skills and reading that story genuinely has changed my view of fuugen and made it so much more...real. I cannot thank you enough for all that you have done for this fandom and yet all i can do is try so; Thank you. So so much 💕

Wow. ...Please excuse me for a moment. I just need to grab a glass of water. 

... *wipes eyes with tissue* 

 Huh? Oh, I um...spilled the water. In my eyes. Ahem. Where was I? Ah, yes. 

 I'm glad that my fanfic has allowed you to see Fuugen in a new light. More "real" as you said. Actually, that's why the story features so many flashbacks to the anime in key moments. Though, it's assumed that Mugen and Fuu are falling in love as the journey goes on, the flashbacks reveal that they already were in love all along in the anime. But circumstances always worked against them before...like Fuu getting thrown in a brothel in Episode 4...and Mugen going back to save her, but she never finds out. So now, being thrown in a brothel AGAIN in Chapter 17-19, we see a familiar occurrence, yet with all new circumstances and outcomes for Mugen and Fuu. So I guess I'm trying to not only tie up loose ends (like Yatsuha and Hankichi in Chapters 13-15) but also untying the knots that Mugen and Fuu missed out on in the anime. 

 Finding the Four Eyed Samurai...WITH YOU? still requires a LOT of work. There's still 15 chapters to go. And I'm sure you noticed that the earliest chapters are...well, written VERY poorly by comparison of the later ones. 

I originally started writing it 9 years ago, when I was 13/14. Thank you for carrying on through the earliest ones. Even some of the later ones need work too. The only ones that are currently in my mind, "done" with need of minor fixes, are Chapters 13-19 and 32-45. Everything else, particularly 1-12, needs overhauls.

 Since Chapter 45, the end of the Tsuru and Giri arc, I have not been writing Chapter 46. Instead, I have dedicated time to rewriting from the ground up. 

 Currently, I'm working on the rework of the "ghost arc", which is now a whole episodic story, with side characters, a mystery plot, and somehow, more Fuugen highlights. Fuu and Mugen sharing a bed? Well, that's about the extent of what has stayed intact, but for a far more logical, and plot driven reason, if you can believe that. No pointless fluff anymore. Not in this fanfic. But you'll have to wait and see how this happens XD 

 On fanfiction right now, it's still the same two chapters from all those years ago... But I am extending it to a four-chapter story. I have the first two chapters of it completed, and working on the third. However, even when I finish all four parts, I can't post it on the website, as some of the details in it retcon other things in earlier chapters. 

 (If anyone else is interested in reading the rewrites before they get posted on the website in May or June, please let me know! I have so much content finished that I can't post!!) 

 Most majorly, Mugen and Fuu in the retcon will meet in Yokosuka. Not Edo. This is because the ghost chapters will take place in Edo, as part of historical accuracy and reference to real history and mythos of the ghost this arc is being based off of. Yokosuka chosen as the retcon place they reunite in, is in reference to "Letters from Yokosuka" by Nujabes. It is also in reference to the fact that Yokosuka is known historically for where Commodore Matthew Perry from America first landed to open trade with Japan: a nod to the chanpuru concept of American Hiphop meeting Japanese history. 

 Because of these certain retcons, it sucks that I have to wait until i finish ALL the retcons, instead of arc by arc, like I'd initally been doing. I'd already posted the brothel arc rewrite, and then the Yatsuha arc rewrite after. But now...I can't post the ghost arc. It may take until May or June to have them all done...

If you ever wonder if rewrites have been posted yet, check out my Fanfiction profile, where I post what I have recently finishing revising. 

 Aside from the rewrites though, an all new will be posted after that. 

Chapter 46 will star Jin. He hasn't been featured since Chapter 28, when Shino was confirmed pregnant, and we meet the two boys, Norio and Mirai. His little makeshift family and new way of life will be the focus. Strangely enough, writing about him has gotten me...emotional?...Perhaps because he is still separated from his best friends... And, well...the end of the last arc just happened, and he has no idea what his friends are going through. He will be in his own state of distress for reasons he can't quite place. It's almost like they're all still connected, even when they're apart. 

 But anyway, I work on this fanfic every single day now, whenever I have free time. I remember, for nine years I took suuuper long hiatuses. But, ever since Covid-19 struck, inspiration and motivation struck me too. 

Everything was getting so crazy in the world, and I just wanted to give a little glimmer of happiness to readers who were still waiting. In the darkest, most hopeless moments of my life, there were so many readers that sent me such kind reviews and comments about the story. 

 But during 2020 and now, my life is ironically at its very best. So...I wanted to return the favor to everyone who had no idea what their words helped me persevere through. I am so blessed to still have such supportive and enthusiastic readers, even after all these years. If there is ever month long hiatuses (like now. I havent updated since December), know that I am actually working on it obsessively. 

 Your words mean so much to me. More than you will ever know. From the bottom of my heart, thank you. 

 OH BOY. I need water again. What a long tangent this turned into. 

I hope that, no matter how long it takes, you will continue to read and enjoy this journey to find the Four-Eyed samurai to the very end. ...More importantly, will Mugen ever get his 100 damn dumplings?! 

 In the meantime, I hope you enjoy my many Fuugen proof posts on Tumblr as well!

[fundielicious-simblr]

Its been 1 year! 🥺🎉���

Y’all I cannot believe it’s been a year since I took the plunge at 2am on my cousins couch and decided to start this blog! In just 1 year I’ve learnt so much and have met people in this community that I consider as snarkers-in-crime, thank all of you for interacting and laughing at my sims with me 😂 I’ve been running to tumblr every evening at 8pm and I feel

I checked the other day and I can’t believe almost 100 people follow me! The panasonic allowed me to be the creative I never thought I could be, and I’d like to thank you all for being interested in my ramblings about my sims.

There’s a post coming sometime tonight, but I got caught up at work and havent put the finishing touches yet. I’m also working on some cc that I’ve been thinking about doing for a while, so that will come out in a few days (depending on how fast I can get to the laptop I use to make CC)

Again, thank you all!

[bloopbyoop]

weep woop

ayo. ive read my scheduled email and its time for freewriting shit again. lmao. I want this post to be like a small light from a lit match stick inside a very hollow, icy, and numbing cave. (sounds cartoonish right? I know. Im obsessed with Adventure Time.) I want all people to be genuinely happy.  Spiritually, emotionally, and physically. Upon reaching my 24th anniversary in this world, I finally learned how to truly embrace all my emotions. Some are more overwhelming than the other, but we have to heed in our treacherous yet perplexing minds that everything is fleeting and we are in control. The feeling of extreme sadness fades, but so does joyful states. Everything can change in a matter of minutes or years. You are in control of all your emotions. You are in control of all your life choices. Your actions. Your words. Your perspective. It feels weird to actually write about it. I've wanted to talk about it. I never wanted help from anyone as I firmly believed that I was alone. Sure, I have a family and friends, but it is hard to see that when your head is clouded with negativity. I've even come to the point where I was too overwhelmed, I found being physically hurt less painful. The pain I felt distracted me from what I was thinking. My mind tended to go bonkers. lmao. But bro, I was so good at concealing my bonkers mind. It's easy to fake any emotion that you have. Slap anything sunshine-y or happy to anything and people would believe you. It went on for years. Long story short, thousands of bracelets collected, it became worse. The physical pain could no longer withhold the emotional pain. Couldn't sleep. Couldn't stop thinking. And voila! I found a good amount of self help books (from tumblr) and novels. Novels that brought me to different places. Self-help books that made me understand what I feel and what to do. I've read that taking the easy way out will leave everyone sad. AND IN THE FIRST PLACEEEEEE, I NEVER WANT THATTTTTTT. I want everyone to be happy. I would act foolish and do dumb shit to make everyone happy in a heartbeat. So, that idea made me push a few more years. Later on, the crippling shit came crawling back again to my head, sooooooo I needed new shit to keep me distracted again. Films, series, music, and short clips from YouTube helped me out a lot. Every single time that my mind is going to think like anything that can think of, even to the point that I was just going to think that I might be hungry, I'd watch something. There's just something about silence for me. Because of this new habit of mine, I've learned more about myself. I love different types of things. I like horror. I like thriller. I like comedy. I like romance. I love all types of films, but there is something about the horror genre that interests me. I still can't point out what, but I love watching horror films. With regards to music, I've learned that I love Indie, Punk Rock, Rap, and Pop. We all can't like a specific genre. It's stupid to ask "what genre of music do you like?". It's not actually stupid-stupid, it's just stupid. Ya know? Anyway, passing this phase, I needed to find something again because it's not doing the shit that it was supposed to, I tried investing more time on video games. By investing more, I mean a whole shit lot. I love video games since I was young cuz.... u know.... they keep u... try to guess it! oh yeah. you got that right! distracted! I love the aggressive plays and trashtalks that my friends and I make. The short stories we tell one another. The rants. The lame jokes. The late night we sound drunk but we are not drunk jokes. The roleplays. The lame jokes. The memes. And once again, The lame jokes. Something about lame jokes and the laughs and curses after that always gets me every single time. Oh shoot. Yup Yup. Few years later, I finally noticed the pattern that my sadness is temporary. I got over it one way or the other (or another. depends on how you wanna read it. i dont wanna say another cause i might write about one direction like what im doing now so-). Happiness is temporary as well. But, we are the ones who are actually in control of our emotions. If you wanna feel sad, be sad for a while. You're getting too sad? Try hanging out with your funny friends. Can't do that? Find an alternative. Watch a movie, knit a sweater. Anything your mind could think of as long as it will keep you mentally distracted from being physically and mentally hurt. I do have a few notes though. We cannot and should never assume what people are going through. It may be petty for you, but it may be very crucial to them. So never everrrr say things like: -Some people have it worse than you -At least you have ..... These sheetsss are annoying as heckkk and could really down someone. I know it is not your intention to annoy but people react differently. alsooooooo, it is not okay or normal to hate on things for bandwagon. that is just plainly crazy and stupid. let people enjoy things. anddddddd never suppress your emotions. admit what you feel inside and try to think of a way to resolve ittttt. keeping it to yourself will just make it worseeeeee. find your own outlettttttttt. hihihi ️ alsooooo. being more spiritually full with God's words and ideas really help me to be spiritually happy. ps. im christian but i dont discredit other religion and even applaud other religion's ideas and beliefs. this is a really long, selfish post so i might as well recommend some things I like : Songs with their lyrics that made me go through life. “I’ve got soul but I’m not a soldier” -All These Things That I've Done, The Killers “It's not too late, I'm still right here” -Breaking Your Own Heart, Kelly Clarkson "And the salt in my wounds / Isn't burning any more than it used to / It's not that I don't feel the pain / It's just I'm not afraid of hurting anymore / And the blood in these veins / Isn't pumping any less than it ever has / And that's the hope I have / The only thing I know that's keeping me alive" -Last Hope, Paramore “There is not a single word in the whole world / That could describe the hurt / The dullest knife just sawing back and forth / And ripping through the softest skin there ever was / How were you to know?” -Hate to See Your Heartbreak, Paramore "It's holding on, though the road's long / And seeing light in the darkest things And when you stare at your reflection / Finally knowing who it is / I know that you'll thank God you did" -1800, Logic "Did some things you can't speak of / But at night you live it all again / You wouldn't be shattered on the floor now / If only you had seen what you know now then" -Innocent, Taylor Swift (My bb) "10 months sober, I must admit / Just because you're clean don't mean you don't miss it / 10 months older, I won't give in / Now that I'm clean I'm never gonna risk it // Rain came pouring down when I was drowning / That's when I could finally breathe / And by morning gone was any trace of you, I think I am finally clean" -Clean, Taylor Swift “I guess I always knew / That I had all the strength to make it through.” -Believe in Me, Demi Lovato "I'm addicted to the madness / I'm a daughter of the sadness / I've been here too many times before / Been abandoned and I'm scared now / I can't handle another fallout / I am fragile, just washed upon the shore / They forget me, don't see me / When they love me, they leave me" -I Hate You, Don’t Leave Me, Demi Lovato “I'm overwhelmed / I need a voice to echo / I need a light to take me home / I need a star to follow / I don't know” -Nightingale, Demi Lovato "I'm a walking travesty / But I'm smiling at everything. // Arrogant boy, Love yourself so no one has to." -Therapy, All Time Low "I tried it once before but I didn't get too far / I felt a lot of pain but it didn't stop my heart. / But maybe I'm alive 'cause I didn't really wanna die / But nothing very special ever happens in my life / Take the blade away from me I am a freak, I am afraid that / All the blood escaping me won't end the pain / And I'll be haunting all the lives that cared for me / I died to be the white ghost / Of the man that I was meant to be" -Ghost, Badflower "Are the pieces of you / In the pieces of me? / I'm just so scared / You're who I'll be / When I erupt / Just like you do / They look at me / Like I look at you" -DNA, Lia Marie Johnson Movies and series to try : -The Perks of Being a Wallflower (The book is bomb af. if yall havent tried, ur missing out) -The Kings of Summer -Never Let Me Go -The Art of Getting By -Silver Linings Playbook -Winter’s Bone -The Lovely Bones (The script. The words) -Me and Earl and the Dying Girl -American Horror Story -Black Swan

pps. remember that every one has their own pace and point of view. don’t push yourself too hard, and don’t overthink. give yourself time, and respect all your emotions. analyze them but not more than like 5 minutes as anything beyond that might cause you to overthink and be sadder. and sad is not rad. hehe. you got this. you got you. self love is the best even though it can be tricky to do. nobody else is like you. you’re the only one of you (i just remembered me.......... i might have hummed it while typing it mid sentence). consider other people’s opinion but do not let it cloud your own judgement as you know yourself best. dont let other comment’s define you. spread love. vibe people you vibe with. ayeeee lets go!!! 

ppps this is my last post bc im happier now and know myself better. i no longer limit myself on the age that I want. I want to live as long as how God wants me to be. hehe. 

x :D

[illusionlock]

pazam: a mess, truly a mess

so i usually dont do these kind of posts, i guess you could say its a call out of some sort? but i never liked that word, i prefer rather to just compile sources on WHY people would believe that a certain person is not truly as nice and understanding as they seem. consider this more of a psa post, detailing on whats going on with pazam on the sfm community, why so many people are against them.

So, a while back, tumblr user jymble made a post on the main tag stating that pazam was transphobic. they linked back to this post, which contains screenshots of pazam in a group chat stating that they do not feel comfortable with the idea of trans people. now, this did happen 9 months ago, true. however, for the record, pazam is already an adult, 24 years old, so they should have some tact. and as further and more recent events will show, they actually havent changed that much at all, at least not as they claim.

the screenshots should be in the post, but here is a transcript

[Screenshot one]

Pazam:

What????? Why?????

I literally HAVE NOT been doing ANYTHING malicious to them

And if it did I apologized

Yes I do have discomfort about them but I keep it to myself

Why are you doing this????

[End screenshot one]

‘Them’ here refers to trans people in general. Notice the defensive and victimizing stance they almost immediately take upon being confronted about their feelings on trans people.

[Screenshot two]

elliott:

of COURSE you dont

sammaku:

Like specifically

Elliott hush

Pazam:

This whole concept of transness and changing your gender physically

I hate to say it again but it weirds me out and it makes me question my own gender which flings me into anxiety, depression, and obsession

sammaku:

Its fine to not understand but are you willing to learn about it

Pazam:

I don’t want to talk about this anymore

sammaku:

That depression anxiety and obsession just comes with gender issues

(the rest of the text is cut off)

[End Screenshot two]

notice once summaku asks them if they would at least be willing to learn about it, pazam immediately deflects it by saying they dont want to talk about it anymore.

[Screenshot three]

Pazam:

Seriously??? That’s all it takes????

Wow I’m a moron

I’m sorry for all the trouble I’ve caused to you

@.aziraphale @.elliott @.sammaku

I just don’t get this stuff period

And I’ve gotten into trouble with this stuff before

I’ll probably never understand it for the rest of my life but I’ll try to be more tactful around y’all

Especially since you’re all young

And I’m like an adult

[End screenshot three]

While at first this would seem like they had finally learned their lesson and apologized, the things they add on after the @s become quickly worrying. Not only do they admit to ‘have gotten into trouble with this stuff before’, meaning they have probably shown their transphobia in other places and been called out, but they also stand firmly on the fact that they will never understand it or ‘get’ it.

And of course, as jymble points out, the implication that the people they were talking to were only acting like that because they were young.

A while after this post was made, Pazam had posted an apology, and went onto contact jymble asking for the post with the evidence of their transphobic to be taken down. The reason? They were afraid people would see it and think they were still transphobic and not give them a chance.

In this more recent post, you can see the conversation play out between Pazam and jymbles. Long story short, Pazam feels that it’s unfair that that post is still up after they apologized, and jymble of course said they would rather not take it down, people deserve to know what they did and take their own conclusions, even if that involves avoiding them. How does Pazam respond? By flat out deleting the apology post. I’d love to show the apology post to give you both sides of the story but I cannot anymore, because Pazam in a very bizarre move just deleted it because they got mad a trans blogger wouldn’t take down their post with proof.

Here’s the transcript of the screenshots:

[Begin Conversation]

rebloggidy (Pazam’s personal):

I’m by no means transphobia-free after learning what I’ve done but at least I know my actions and am making an effort to be a better person towards trans people.

rebloggidy:

Hi again. So I hate to be that person but would it be ok if you took down that post about the transphobia claims? I know it took me 9 months to apologize but if people only see your side of the story and not realize the post I saw they’ll take it out of context and still think I’m transphobic. Do you understand?

jymble:

... i already told you im not taking down the post.

[jymble sends a screenshot of her own message in a previous conversation, the screenshot reads as follows:

however, i dont think im taking the post down, nor am i entirely comfortable with you interacting with me either. people deserve to know how you acted with this stuff, until youre really and truly *better* with it instead of just trying, and i was a direct target of it]

jymble:

you oughright told me "im by no means transphobia-free", word for word sorry, but i told you before. im not taking the post down.

rebloggidy:

I remember that. But what I'm trying to say to you is that if people who read it out of context will immediately think I'm still transphobic without the other side of it (my comment)

And I don't want people to think that in the future

jymble:

if people make assumptions without looking at the entire situation, thats on them

i am not deleting the post and thats final. people have a right to know what youve done, and they have a right to be uncomfortable

rebloggidy:

I'm ready to take down my post because frankly, I'm sick and tired of having to justifiy something that I did 9 months ago, and that people grow and learn even not 100% during that time and I'm ready to move on.

I'm still into smile for me and feel free to make a blacklist of my name so anybody who rbs my work on your dash can have it hidden or something.

Take care.

[End conversation]

a lot to unpack here, but perhaps most notable is when jymble simply stands her ground and tells pazam she wont take down the post, pazam straight up decides, without being told to or anything, that they should take down their apology. later on, they made a post stating why they deleted the post, and saying they had ‘been forced to’.

I also would love to link it here, but as of now of writing this, like, not even an hour or so after I had seen that post, it got deleted. The only memory I have of it is a conversation I had with my boyfriend about Pazam, in which I copypasted a fragment from that post that read:

“ So for those wondering where the apology post went, I was forced to delete it. I wanted to archive it in some way so I could pull it up for reference, but there was no way I could. Also I didn’t really want to see it every time on my blog because quite honestly it’s upsetting to look at.”

There are some lies and twisting of truths here. Pazam wasn’t forced to delete it, they decided they should do it as a way to somehow get back at jymble. And the excuse that it was upsetting for them to look at is just inexcusable, what matters most, letting people know of what youve done and that youre sorry, or just never addressing the situation?

But, well, I’m just hoping you’ll take my word for it. As you see, Pazam has officially deleted ANY traces of acknowledging this situation on their blog.

This worries me. If Pazam is truly as concerned that they will be seen as transphobic as they claim, why are they deleting anything that could give them a chance of showing their own side of the story?

Now, that is the end, for now, of Pazam’s history with transphobia. However! It is not the end for some other very shady things.

Namely, Pazam has consistently whitewashed characters from Smile For Me, specially Kamal, and when called out on it, simply deletes the asks.

Want to know how I know this?

I sent them an ask myself. I had come across this picture of Boris and Kamal:

And I knew that this wasn’t right. I can understand using light colors and doing watercolor, but if they can make Boris’ hair brown and vivid enough, why not Kamal? He looks like another character completely, or like he’s deathly sick! 

So I sent them an anonymous ask, perhaps a bit exhasperated, true, and my wording could be better. It went something like: “i am begging you to draw kamal with darker skin”.

I waited, checked. But nothing came of it. They never answered it.

Pazam flat out ignored when they were told they had drawn a canonically brown man with skin way too light. Not even a lone text post saying ‘hey anon, i dont agree with you’ or ‘hey anon im sorry it wont happen again’. Nothing. No word, no opinion.

And with this situation going on with them evading responsibility, I can’t say I’m fully surprised.

And, yet another thing. People had expressed concern over the fact they had drawn their Flower Kid, who is 17, in very intimate and close positions with Dr. Habit. It included nuzzling faces, cuddling in bed together, wearing his coat...

And they did hear the claims this time. As of now, their Flower Kid is 24, according to them.

Except... They do not look 24. At. All.

this is a 12 year old. at best. short body, stubby legs, big head. those are all attributes of a very young character, usually children. like, legitimately, thats how childrens anatomy is in real life. the younger the person, the bigger their head is in proportion to their body.

We have already had an adult trying to justify drawing their flower kid who barely looked like an adult if at all in intimate situations with Habit. Let’s not let it slide by again.

And yes, I’m aware Pazam claims that those pictures were not supposed to be interpreted as romantic, ‘only platonic fluff’ and that they intend to keep it that way, but I have talked to my boyfriend who is a survivor and he said it very well could be a case of someone just trying to cover their tracks.

BUT, all that being said, maybe this one particular instance could be just us being wary. Still, it does not diminish all that they have done, specially ignoring the whitewashing claims.

What you are going to do with this information, I do not know. Maybe you don’t care and will keep reblogging their content. Maybe you’re disgusted by them. But I’m just here to give you the facts. Personally though, I’m not willing to give them much of a chance after the way they’ve behaved. They are 24 years old, three years older than me, and I think I could do a better job of handling a situation like this, frankly.

[kfs1001]

Arrow star Colton Haynes has opened up about his struggle to come out publicly as gay.

The 28-year-old, who came out a year ago, had been in the closet for much of his career.

 He told Huffington Post: “I’ve been told by so many people that you cannot be out and have a career.

“The craziest thing was my career actually became the best it’s ever been once I actually was true to myself.

“That happened, and it was the most amazing experience.

“I was in Paris the day that the EW article dropped, and I cried for three days straight.”

 He added: “It was amazing. Good cry, yeah. I was happy at the outpouring.”

He also revealed that Hollywood bosses forced him to date women to disguise his sexuality.

The actor told Andy Cohen’s radio show that he was originally forced to act heterosexual.

“I was literally told from the day that I moved to Los Angeles  that I could not be gay because I wouldn’t work,” Colton told Sirius XM  radio.

“The I was with my management team and team of  people that just literally told me I couldn’t be this way.”

“They tried to set me up with girls. I was  rumoured to date Lauren Conrad for six months because they were kind of  angling a story.”

Haynes, who  is now engaged to celebrity florist Jeff Leatham, revealed that he  lost his virginity to “a boy and a girl”.

“I’ve never said that before,” Haynes said  during the Andy Cohen Live interview.

“The girl was two years older than me, and the  guy was, I would say, around 16.

“Everyone participated. It was a real first  time. It was exciting.”

However the experiences were on separate  occasions, not at the same time, he revealed.

Haynes did not elaborate on which came first,  but did reveal he has slept with four women in his life.

--------

Colton Haynes is not  only eager to start a new chapter in his career, but the actor is also ready  to let us in on more of his personal story.

The Arrow star, who recently walked away from the  hit TV show and Teen Wolf, has come out as gay. During an  interview with Entertainment  Weekly, Haynes touched on a previous social media post that  put his sexuality in question.

A Tumblr post in January regarding old racy modeling photos  sparked speculation after a fan commented on Haynes' "secret gay  past." Haynes coyly responded to the media frenzy with, "Was it a  secret?"

His response was taken as his confirmation of being gay,  however that wasn't case. At least, not at the time. "It was a complete  shock. I wasn't ready to be back in the headlines," he said.

"I  should have made a comment or a statement, but I just wasn't ready. I didn't  feel like I owed anyone anything. I think in due time, everyone has to make  those decisions when they're ready, and I wasn't yet. But I felt like I was  letting people down by not coming forward with the rest of what I should have  said."

Following  the reports, the 27-year-old star checked into rehab for anxiety and returned  to the hospital frequently over the next three months.

According to the interview, Haynes had never publicly  addressed his sexuality, but has been out for most of his life. Those closest  to the actor, from his family and friends to his cast members and Hollywood  bosses, already knew.

It wasn't until now that Haynes felt ready and willing to talk  about sexuality with the general public. "I'd go home and I was still  acting," he admitted. "People who are so judgmental about those who  are gay or different don't realize that acting 24 hours a day is the most  exhausting thing in the world." 

Regardless, the path Colton took ultimately brought him here,  and here  is a much better place for the young star. "I'm happier than I've ever  been, and healthier than I've ever been, and that's what I care about."

Haynes  tweeted the article and told fans, "I believe in livin life to the  fullest & takin control of your life story. More to come."

 ---------

 Colton Haynes has said coming out as gay "changed [his]  life for the better."

The 28-year-old actor - who is currently engaged  to celebrity florist Jeff Leatham - made the confession during an interview  in May 2016, and has said that whilst it took him a while to be  "comfortable enough" to speak about his sexuality, he admits he's  now "proud" of who he is.

During a Q&A session on Entertainment  Weekly's Tumblr account, Colton was asked by a fan what advice he could give  to others who are struggling with their sexuality, and he wrote: "I can  honestly say that it takes time to be comfortable enough to come out...it has  to be on your own time but when i did...it changed my life for the better! It  opened up so many doors for me and i dont have to feel like the elephant in  the room anymore. Theres so much support i never knew was available for me  and i am so proud to say that i am gay and it hasnt done anything to hurt what  i love to do in life. Times are thankfully changing (sic)"

But it wasn't smooth sailing for the 'Teen Wolf'  actor, as he also admitted he went through an "intense struggle"  and even suffered a "breakdown" before he could come to terms with  his sexuality.

When one fan asked if it was a challenge to come  out, and Colton wrote: "It was an intense struggle for years. All the  self shame lead me to have a breakdown and i had to quite for a while. Once i  came out it all went away. I got multiple offers for work and honestly havent  felt better. It changes your life and if someone isnt going to hire me for  being born the way that i am...they dont deserve my time or energy.  (sic)"

And when the 'Arrow' star was asked where he  would see himself in 10 years time, he admitted he wants to have "at  least three kids" with Jeff.

He replied: "HMMMMMM, I will be married.  have at least 3 kids. Will still dye my greys. Will own a 69 corvette  stingray. Will hopefully have at least one ab. And will still be trying to be  the head writer of the Taco Bell sauce packets (sic)"

[tiptoelightlypastmymind]

so much going on inside my head but w/o internet its impossible to collect and post my thoughts. ill make my best effort here before logging off - tumblr is the worst offender when it comes to hogging data. 

feel like my identity is slowly slipping away. like pieces of myself that exist in theory have no proof to ascertain their own existence and so they slowly fade in relevance taken over by the falsehoods i have to project. viewpoints hanging around unanchored and unmoored that no longer have a perspective from which they came. an overall dissatisfaction with my own predilections. idk how to be more specific than that in any less words. 

money is hard. im kinda hinging on hoping mom bails me out this weekend. june was rly bad with the back injury, i went from being on track to being caught up by the end of the month to being over a month behind on everything again. i dont have anything in the way of motivation because the only certainty feels like failure. in that regard, trying for success means having to accept that you can fail. accepting failure becomes the path to success because you cannot fail at not succeeding. so you flit and fly to escapisms to avoid being burned. 

i dont believe in venting. or rather i think its healthy for everyone else but for myself i do not. putting something like this out there more or less gives credence and crystalization to my thoughts. it is beyond making them real; it is more so that they then become a tangible piece of reality. something indelible, in virtual ink, that you cannot ignore because it exists on a page somewhere that is full of your identity looking back at you from every word. you write words but you create mirrors, and once you have a circle of them you can find yourself in the middle having made the the arena you reside in with your own hands, and more so with your own thoughts that now make up your entire world.

on the other hand, sometimes you need to be honest so that you can draw the battlelines for yourself and know exactly where the border is that you must cross.

which is all to say that i certainly havent and am not giving up yet. and therefore neither should any of you. 

[goldeneagle27]

I just wanna remember today for forever, i wanna remember it as clearly as i remember the 6th of February, 2011, the start of this absolutely crazy journey life has taken him on.

I had adored him for a long time by then and 2010 was the absolute peak of my fangirl life, with Felipe being back, Michael being back and him being in Renault, doing great. I had even higher hopes for 2011 and 10-year-old me was crushing on him harder than ever, being embarrassed whenever someone caught me loving him.

That day is stuck with me for forever, i remember logging out of my email and checking the news, seeing what happened to him and my world just going down.

I started praying for him that night and i havent stopped since, praying he would recover and the mental and physical suffering he had to endure would be over. I was still so young and i had no idea how serious it was and how it was not a black and white thing, not a whether he was going to be 100% again or not. I didnt see this spectrum of 'grey' between the black and white, the option of him returning despite having his limitations.

September 19th, 2012, i dont think i had ever been more excited and thrilled then i was seeing him win the first rally he took part in after the crash. I rewatched all the footage we got a billion times, and all the interviews and i was over the moon. I still have a picture on my wall of him and his co-driver celebrating that win and i love that shot.

I grew to love rallying when we started racing in WRC2 and i literally did all i could to get as much info as i could, constantly cursing google translate not producing an understandable translation of the Polish articles. He was heavily criticised and i hated it, he was the best for me and even though he crashed out a lot (understandably, due to lack of experience) and i was absolutely terrified of him getting hurt again, seeing him racing again was the greatest thing ever. I was going through some heavy stuff in his WRC2 year and to be honest, having him inspiring me to fight through it all was huge. I was dealing with some mental health stuff and self-harming and all that jazz and i was relying on idols much more than i probably should have but i didnt have anyone else to turn to. He was always my go-to and even though it sounds silly, i was always able to gain strength from him and from how determined he was.

Him doing a full year in WRC, i dont think i knew back then how huge that was and i know he got such harsh criticism but looking back i know that 1, it was amazing that he did a full year in the top category of rallying and 2, people were overly judgemental of him and i did not like that at all. He did his best trying to catch up with people who had grown up on rallying. He was and is a single-seater-guy, it would have taken him time to reach their level. Even family members were asking me like 'ehh your man Robert isnt doing too great is he? Looks like he isnt coming back is he?' to which i could reply with nothing but silence because i felt like i was losing hope and it was tough for me as well. Him as an idol has been so embedded in my identity for as long as i can remember and me loving him has been such a huge part of who i am and i knew he was never gonna be neutral for me and i was never gonna not root for him coming back and being back to where he belong, being happy.

There were a couple years when it was tuned down due to lack of major news and due to me crushing on real people (which sounds ridiculous but i was too gay to care with my freshly discovered queer identity) but it all came back last year.

June 6th, 2017, him back in an F1 car after over six years, i was shaking with excitement, refreshing all possible pages, watching all videos, saving all pictures and feeling like it was a dream coming true. It was where he belonged and it was where i wanted to see him, all my emotions were back in a blink of an eye and i felt 10, 12 again, fangirling and just being over the moon happy.

I was praying for him to get the Williams seat last year, but more like praying for him to get how he wanted it to be and i cried my eyes out when he didnt get signed, which is yet again ridiculous but he is too significant for me.

I honestly didnt think they were going to choose him this year and i was genuinely surprised but also in disbelief as the rumors started getting stronger. I wasnt gonna believe it till it was official, there was no way i was going to fall as hard again as i did in January but ohh my, today has been such a day.

I didnt want to believe it till it was official and even though i was refreshing this blog about him literally every minute for an hour before the announcement, i still wasnt hyping myself up too much. But i wanna remember how it happened for forever. I was sitting at my desk, doing a Biology paper for school and seeing it was 10 o'clock already (the start of the press conference), i looked at my phone and i had a tumblr notification that somebody posted a picture. I opened it and i saw it was a screenshot of the official F1 instagram profile's announcement of his comeback. I was franctically refreshing everything, shaking and squeaking and crying tears of joy, it was amazing.

The circle is full now and i honestly cannot wait for what is yet to come. He is my biggest idol, my man, my hero and im more than proud to have supported him throughout this journey. He's back.

"Let the rain wash away, all the pain of yesterday

I know my kingdom awaits and they've forgiven my mistakes

Im coming home"

[zombehfaggot]

Hey!

I think I'm probably in love and that's pretty scary

When exactly do you pin point that? Like there's been a few times where my heart was like uhuuuh, now? And I was like well. Hm?¿

I think.. well.

i think there are people i have not met yet, that are going to be my all time favorite people. people come and go.. and you just... never know what role someone is going to play in your life? and.. i keep thinking.. about sitting on the bus.. coming home from away games at night, in 20fucking13. and now i stuck my hand in your pants. and 2013 nickel would just go WHAT she'd go YOU DID FUCKING WHAT. and i'd go YEAH I STUCK MY HAND IN THERE I SURE DID. AND I LIKED IT. AND THIS REALTIONSHIP IS FUCKING GREAT and well. baby nickel would just go. bitch. what the fuck.

and thats the THING I cannot go back in time and experience being in the 10th grade and being your friend. or the 11th grade. i cant go back and know what it was like to pass you in the hallway. i feel so weird because like. the signs gotta be there. somewhere hidden back in the past. i do remember the first few foreshawdowings of you. but like. some of them are so foggy and old now. just.. like prom nickel. knew you had feelings for me but. man i was so obsessed with jade. i think one of the first and clearest times i remember being like "shit" was graduation. because you were so fucking beautiful and i was like... shit. youre so beautiful.

and at kylies birthday party when you layed in my lap. and i was like lol im gay. gay for jade. but now you really do lay in my lap!! in my apartment and i DO play with your hair!!! this really is my life!!! 201...6? nickel woud GO WHAT? IM DOING WHAT? yes! baby! you are!

and like when i knew for reals you had feelings for me and i walked out of your moms office and told nathan i thought i liked you. bc you make me stupid and quiet and nervous. thats the biggest and clearest foreshadow. moving in here. is the big fucking flag.

and then the first time we hung out. silence. i think about this all the fucking time bc i cant believe. how stupid gay youve been for me, and how stupid gay ive been for you. and everything leading up to this point.

am just now considering maybe you dont want people to read about my hand being in your pants but like this is tumblr and idk what to tell you.

i just know youre so special that its scary. youre so real its scary. and i think its kinda easy to just put on sunglases(with a rug) and like.. be blind about it. because its so much. and so overwhelming and so real. i love you so much. this could really be THE relationship. and thats fucking scary.

and then i get sad cause like what if its not? i know my big strong /i can take care of myself/ attitude is like ITS WHATEVER ITLL BE FINE but my heart will be fucking crushed. so i literally dont think about it. because i think itll be a heart break i havent felt since 2009/2011ish.

but at the same time you gotta stay grounded because things happen for a reason. and i know were making a huge impact on each others lives even if this isnt happily ever after.

this turned into a vomit post and im so sorry for wheoever is scrolling away from this on their dash lmfao.

im gunna go lay down now but like... im probably in love with you and thats just.. the right in front of me truth. and its not like it happened yesterday, its been building up over several months, just like nickel this time last year told me it would. and she was right. and here we are. bc it be like that sometimes.

[hyperfixiation-of-the-week]

I posted 3,758 times in 2021

498 posts created (13%)

3260 posts reblogged (87%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 6.5 posts.

I added 2,798 tags in 2021

#mcu - 590 posts

#loki - 573 posts

#moi - 493 posts

#fo - 434 posts

#bjtm - 219 posts

#trolls - 208 posts

#woy - 86 posts

#acnh - 76 posts

#hlvrai - 64 posts

#trollhunters - 55 posts

Longest Tag: 127 characters

#nothing will ever compare to forcing my friends to watch 3 seasons of it just to expose them to the plot twist at the end of s3

My Top Posts in 2021

#5

Benny finds a pre-war T-shirt that says BAZINGA and he thinks its a such a great word that he starts saying it all the time even though he has no idea what it means or where it comes from

299 notes • Posted 2021-10-01 00:36:30 GMT

#4

I am so sorry but i am on a roll rn and i cannot stop making these

346 notes • Posted 2021-09-25 23:46:14 GMT

#3

JUST FOUND THIS IN MY DRAFTS AND CANT BELIEVE I HAVENT POSTED IT YET SHDGAHAJJFGSHA

376 notes • Posted 2021-07-07 02:18:17 GMT

#2

Current RP involves Yes Man being clinically unable to cook due to having BIG MEATY CLAWS and setting the Lucky38 on fire

435 notes • Posted 2021-10-08 22:12:05 GMT

#1

Im sorry Ben-Man, you just make it too easy

736 notes • Posted 2021-10-22 16:47:11 GMT

Get your Tumblr 2021 Year in Review →

[swampgallows]

well, so, tumblr ate my post on my phone, but the gist of what i wanted to say was that it was, of course, amazing, but i feel like... and this is kind of cheesy and embarrassing but, it wasn’t really until this year, between wonder woman and this film—the shape of water—that i felt like anything was “for me”. 

i cannot remember the last time my heart swelled like that during a film, let alone in general. in fact, i’m not sure it ever has. not in that way. this film made me understand why people care for romance films or romance itself, the appeal of it. i cried a lot. and i cried a lot during wonder woman too, but for a different sort of reason. wonder woman helped me realize i was starving to see a strong, whole woman; i had thought to myself “no wonder people love superheroes so much”. i thought they were fun, of course, but it wasn’t until wonder woman that i truly felt that kind of power, that feeling of being uplifted. it was like... hope, and protection. even growing up i never had a “hero”, as it were, not until chris metzen, and that wasn’t until i was well in my teens. i have felt like the outcast for so long that i couldnt even feel like an underdog, let alone a hero. 

it’s foolish to say what i found in the shape of water was “representation”, but... it was like a validity. it felt verified. it felt.... real. it wasn’t goofy. it wasn’t a joke. it wasn’t supernatural or one-sided. it felt very real. i did not even realize there were tears in my eyes until one fell down my face. it felt so very real to me. of course, i love all of guillermo del toro’s movies, particularly in that he engages with fairy tales—parables, too, as he had mentioned in the interview following the credits—with a reverence, an authenticity. with respect. when you accept these creatures and themes as real, they become real. but if you maintain the whole time that it’s “just CGI”, “just movie magic”; proving his whole point, when you “Other” these creatures, you turn them into things. you make them objects instead of real, believable, sentient things. and his point was that we do this to people too. “There is no us VS them. There is only us.”

and, really, on the heels of seeing Bright, the contrast between the films is stark. Bright achieved almost the exact opposite of taking these fantasy races—which are to be respected as fellow people in an urban fantasy setting—and immediately Othering them, as well as making the entire film about their Otherness. additionally, the “message” of the film is lost when jakoby is the exception to the rule, the “One Good Orc” instead of “orcs are people” (despite literally having the line “orcs are people too”, this is never put into practice). and he is even further robbed of that by ward being a bright all along instead of jakoby, or even BOTH of them. ALL the formulaic evidence points to jakoby being a bright. “brights are elves, rarely humans, NEVER orcs”; jakoby is unblooded, round-toothed, clan-less, seen as a dissenter to his entire race; inexplicably wanted to be a cop ever since he was a little kid even though there have never been orc cops and most are sent off to war; demonstrably more sensitive and inquisitive than most orcs; even the very last moment up until ward’s bright reveal, jakoby gives an entire relay of the myth of jirak the humble orc farmer, who was unblooded, who turned out to be a man of prophecy, and begs ward to go back and help tikka. “I think we’re in a prophecy!” yet ward is the bright and jakoby isn’t. fucking L. ZERO payoff. ward is a racist asshole to jakoby the entire fucking film, treats him like shit, then finds out HE gets to hold a magic wand? fuck off.

yet even bright, in all of its horribleness, still feels like it was “for me”. so, it’s strange, but, i feel like mainstream stories are... finally becoming accessible to me? it’s hard to explain. Like, there’s a reason i’m rooted in my Very Insular Interests and all that bullshit. i dont feel welcome anywhere else. of course i stick with what’s familiar, and i dont think i will ever “move on” from these core aspects of my life and personality, but... it feels like there are stories coming out that i can actually relate to, things where my interests are the focus instead of being a side character or an extra in the background, or it’s the core plot to a film instead of being a parody or, worse, from a documentary angle. “how strange this is! why are people like this! can you BELIEVE there are people who relate better to MONSTERS than PEOPLE? god, there are people who actually think this is COOL but it’s so lame and stupid and for total nerds!!! UGH, can you BELIEVE those crybaby SJWs are BEGGING for a FEMALE SUPERHERO for WOKE FEMINIST POINTS?”

wonder woman stood atop the tower, alone, triumphant, and had saved the village. and everyone looked up at her, in awe of her, full of gratitude. that shot made me think “this is why little boys want to be superman.” there was a little girl in me that thought “i wish i could be wonder woman.” something like gender shouldn’t make a difference, but what a difference it makes. i mean, there’s a reason i havent felt that feeling before. and it’s not because i have any particular affinity for superheroes or diana herself; i truthfully have very little interest in either. but that is the first time i have ever seen a solitary, non-sexual, powerful woman. even in trying to tell my mom about the shot after i saw the film, i burst into tears. 

bright was handled like shit, but the fact that the movie even got made is astounding to me, particularly because it didn’t have the “excuse” of being rooted in preexisting media. so even though the story was shit, that it was an original screenplay is HUGE to me. Hellboy II was sick as hell, one of my favorite films, and pulled off the ‘urban fantasy’ much better than bright could ever hope to, but it had the veil of being a “comic book film”, so people knew they were going in under a pretense that it would be pulp and campy. essentially, not serious. not real. already written off as “this isn’t real so it can’t affect me. i’m just turning my brain off for a while.”

i guess it’s just that... these monsters are so real to me and i relate to them so deeply that it’s almost like seeing myself, in a sense. i feel such a personal attachment to them that seeing a creature as obscure as an orc on film or outside the same realms of media (lotr, warcraft, d&d) is cause for celebration. it’s like seeing something that even vaguely references a rave; i feel acknowledged because that’s me, that’s my community, those are my people. and OTHER PEOPLE recognize that that’s me too. i remember in high school one of my classmates told me to watch the entirety of disney’s chicken little (not recommended) because it made him think of me. why? there was a split second where one of the characters (the ugly duckling, thanks asshole) holds a glowstick. that is literally it. there wasn’t even techno playing. it was wannabe by the spice girls. but even then i was still like (POINTS) ME

and i think that’s something guillermo understands, because he relates so deeply to monsters as well. and interviewers and other media outlets might take it as a novelty—oh that kooky del toro, what will he think of next! isn’t that bizarre! what a strange man he is haha oh but we love it! wow, totally trippy settings! where does he come up with this stuff???—but del toro makes sure his films convey respect and severity. He doesn’t play up these films as pulp or tongue in cheek or with any sort of bashfulness of “i know this is silly, but...” He doesn’t feel a need to excuse himself for his interests. he portrays them fully and seriously, and that gives me great courage. as someone who is constantly apologizing for my interests being too silly or “too insular” (I will never get over that haha sorry!) or too obscure or too abrasive, always being too loud or too much or too ugly, seeing my interests portrayed with genuine respect and depth always feels worthy of celebration to a degree i cant put into words. it gives me strength to exist, unabashedly, and as my full self.

i’m excited for the blockbuster bubble to burst. maybe, finally, all of us at the edges will finally get to surface. i am already seeing the little trickles.