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batarangsoundsdumb · 3 years

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hae interrogationes multae respondeant quia demens .

if you read this entire ask post you deserve a gold star and financial recompensation

Um, Obviously because when you’re adopted by a white guy you automatically become white duhhh

this is about this post lmao and yeah youre absolutely right, you have to hand your poc card in when you get adopted by a white guy.

Do you think Cass would listen to Yanni, the YouTube channel epic symphonic rock, or some other stuff? There's some cool mashups but idk if that's up your alley, I kinda feel like I'm pushing it with my weird taste of music by recommending an orchestra cover of metal, but i just love that sort of thing and mashups :P @harvestyourcherries

i haven’t heard of that? but in my personal (correct) opinion steph listens to classical music, and then both modern and older, and then also stuff like black sabbath, iron maiden, but also hardrock and hardcore. i like the idea of cass just liking the most extreme screaming songs full of noise and then also listen to pachelbel’s 370th sonata yanno? THANK YOU for the rec tho

speaking of ur cass playlist hc...reminds of the time (yesterday) i found 2 playlists randomly on spotify from the same user. one was abt 3 hours of instrumental/classical "dark" & "nostalgic" music. the other almost 11 hours of nothing but hardcore bass/synth/electronic music. just an incredible tightrope act to put on in public. the synth one was also called like "psalms for synth sluts" which is Also incredible

tbh i LOVE synth SO MUCH like for no reason at all but then also cannot handle a poppy electronic beat lmao. but this seems like the kinda thing i’d do but just in one (1) playlist bc i just sort songs by vibe instead of genre? that’s how i end up with britney spears and billy ray cyrus in the same playlist.

Oh, I want Kate Kane playlist next! It would be amazing if you could do one when you have time and will 🙏

how rude would it be of me to just say no? like sorry kate but idk you and also you seem way too keen on the us military for an institution that homophobically targeted you? (and also commits war crimes) but let’s unpack the fact that the institution that caused the death of your mom and sister and also got you blacklisted for being gay is still one you align with???

'yes i am' 'no you're not' 'yes i am' 'no you're not' 'yes i am' 'no you're not' 'yes i am' 'no you're not' 'yes i am' 'no you're not' 'yes i am' 'no you're not' --- when i tell you i fucking screamed LOL!!!!!!! i can imagine the cameraman not knowing if he should cut to commercial or keep it on these two weirdos fighting on stage (bruce definitely ruffled dick's hair/noogied him right??

about this post but yeah lmao. this cameraman just turns to like the audience to get a reaction and it’s just multiple moments of CLEAR shock.

you are the only funny person on this hellsite

how egotistical is it for me to say that i get this ask multiple times a month? bc it literally happens so often it’s hilarious to me.

Wish there was more john/Bruce content 😔😔😔 was so hungry I actually looked at canon media 😔😔😔 (Justice League Dark babeeeyyyyyy)

check out batman: damned for some mediocre content but at least it’s john/bruce (also very interesting story and stuff, just got very >:( over this weird part where harley quinn tried to r*pe bruce or something? it’s not for everyone)

dick grayson but he's nicki minaj

his anaconda don’t want none,,, unless......

Dick Grayson was never a cop, he played Marshall on Paw Patrol

you are SO right. also paw patrol is a fucking good show idc. that shit could’ve been the new steven universe on this hellsite.

https://www.instagram.com/p/CS1lI0bLI7-/?utm_medium=copy_link

...

why do people keep reposting my CONTENT. if you are not funny yourself don’t just grab shit off of tumblr and post it on insta,,, get a life. sidenote: should i start an insta and get all these ppl to take my content down that would be funny as hell.

Might I suggest for a Gotham City Meme: something about the true crime fandom thirsting for the rogues gallery

ok can i just say something slightly controversial?? no? i don’t find true crime ppl who are into criminals funny, that shits disturbing irl im not gonna bring that into my very chill universe.

i may have never seen a 'jason cleaning guns in sink' fic but i do know he WOULD

THANK YOU

bestie im sorry to say this to you but while you can, and people do wash their guns in the sink, that is a lot of lead in a very vital part of the kitchen.

people tend to do it in the bathtub.

WHY???? like damn why do you even have guns

i dont think i read many gun sink fics exactly but i have read lots of fics where jason cleanes his guns in the living room. usualy dissembles them and cleans them with a rag i think

lmao fair enough, like i think that’s a large part of what i remember as well.

if you say you've seen/read gun sink fics I believe you. I think those of us who didn't see them are lucky or maybe didn't search for fics by tags or something idk

i mean ive never sought them out but i HAVE seen them,, like definitely i know almost for certain.

saw your tags and I'm interested in Steph/Kara now. They would be the most chaotic couple <3

literally thoooo, i have a wip where they get together in a zombie apocalypse and like UGGGHhhh i am so in love with them.

I am the Breece anon. Thanks for the recommendation; am reading now. I’ve always been a hardcore Superman fan because I love my pure himbo farm boy. My logic is, if one Bruce is a Broose, then multiple Broose are a herd of Breece. And this is a hill upon which I will perish.

fair enough,,,, like moose, meese, goose, geese, bruce, breece. i get your logic and i stand by it as well. (glad you enjoyed the comic recs!!!!)

It's a beautiful day in Gotham, and you are a group of horrible Breece

OH my god dude lmao

there only being 42 fics on ao3 for tim and bernard is honestly so sad i need more

it’s like twice that now!!! we did it lads. (tho very sad that my fic isnt number one but like number 4 :(((( )

i'm too late you already did the poll lol but may i suggest bethy (bernard + timothy)

shit dude that wouldve been so fucking funnyyyyy. think ppl have just stuck to timber tho, tim/bernard kinda died down recently and i think it’s too bad, they’re a great couple and i love them.

Wait, hear me out

Bernothy @redlightofdawn

great recommendation (lmao this ask is from like a month ago) but very sorry to announce that NARDTH is the superior shipname

Wait, we know that bernard likes milfs (Tim's step-mom) but what about dilfs? gilfs?

Wait no, I regret sending that ask

these were two seperate asks and they’re HILARIOUS. in my personal opinion tho,,, milfs, gilfs, dilfs are just about vibes and bernard is just attracted to sexy ppl who may sometimes be milfs, dilfs, or EVEN gilfs.

crime in bludhaven would drop to half if nightwing had a boob window. in this essay i will-

WHERE’S THE ESSAY ANON, WHERE’S THE FUCKING ESSAY

Wait if Barbra and Tim r at opposite ends at all times what happened to Barbra once everyone’s Tim’s ever love before started dying lol

she won a lottery ticket and spent 2 weeks on a resort in the bahamas before returning home and finding out that the joker was arrested for tax evasion and then spent a month staying at her big tiddie goth girlfriend’s house before conner came back to life and she broke her pinkie playing table hockey.

Why is the opposite end thing so funny and compelling to me. Tim comes back from his depression quest for Bruce and Babs is now a literal god

lmao when tim loses his spleen barbara reaches nirvana.

Are you still taking music recs because I have three songs that remind me of Jason that I think you'd like

send to me or lose a toe

🌸 ⭐ put this star into the inbox of your favorite blogs. it’s time to spread positivity! ⭐🌸😋

thanks, i wont tho on account of i wont.

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMduBy3Sr/

⬆️

This is the whole of Blüdhaven and everyone anywhere.

Nightwings ass alone saves more people in a calendar year and does more for so society than most heroes do their whole career.Also u are one of the funniest tumblr pages out there. The vibes are unmatched and the memes and tags ✨send me✨.Thank u and goodnight @julia-flow

fanksss also lmao.

That's going to be a little bit difficult to explain, but

There's some music that you listen to and you think, "oh my gosh, I can perfectly imagine Dick Grayson singing this song, with the same voice as the singer because that voice matches with Dick Grayson"?

oh yeah totally lmao. i have a lot of songs that i think are just entirely dick grayson yanno? kind of all of my playlists have that vibe, but i really find bleachers to fit with dick? idk.

"Lois lane/Superman" fics this, "Lois lane/Clark Kent" fics that, (/lh) let's get into the real good stuff. Some people ship Lois, Clark, and Superman as a throuple. Most popular fic tag for sure

yes totally, i think they’d be absolutely killer on ao3 and clark gets so fucking embarassed about it.

I miss your post, hope you’re doing okay!!

haha this was like 2 months ago, but i was doing fine then too! just didn’t have a lot of inspiration in terms of content.

Doot doot!

noot noot

I’m confused. What did DC do now? Like with nightwing? And another sibling? Please spoil everything for me

lmao they gave him a secret sister plotline where they had his dad cheat on his mom with tony zucco’s wife, bc dick’s life wasn’t traumatic enough yet.

sorry but it's so funny that batman is called "the dark knight" when the gotham city baseball team is called the gotham knights. it'd be like if a vigilante was running around new york called like "the scary yankee"

lmaooo no. but like yankee comes from dutch names or something so wouldnt it be HILARIOUS if gotham knights came from like german names and bruce would be running around called the dark KLAUS UND NIEK @graysonnightwing

(not a batcest shipper) it’s so funny to me that the responses are “i’m a batcest shipper because i can differentiate fiction from reality and and it doesn’t bother me personally, but i understand why you oils think it’s weird” to “i wish all batcest shippers a very fucking die”

yeah lmaoo. i personally basically flipped my entire stance around to ‘i dont care please leave me and everybody else alone’ bc i think there’s really no point in starting a moral dillema over some fucking fandom bullshit. Please just,,, go home,,, log off, find a nice forest to have a little walk in and remember that somewhere in history, somebody probably died in the place you’re standing. and you will also die someday, and somebody will have to look at your internet usage and see you fighting multiple people anonymously while being named ‘nightwingsbuttchin200186′ like... calm down, we’re all gonna die this is not the thing to worry about.

so since like "wards" don't really exist in modern society almost all the batkids are foster kids, right? i used to work in the system and imagine: monthly visits from social workers and guardian ad litems, bruce having to get permission to take the boys anywhere out of state, calling their social worker at like 8 a.m. like "yeah dick broke his arm again... a gymnastics accident this time...." their poor social worker. bruce send her a huge bouquet and box of chocolates every month to stay on her good side

i imagine the social worker just getting into the case like ‘yeah let’s get this kid a good guardian’ and then ending up having to work with 22 y/o bruce wayne and his 50 y/o dad. and so this social worker is like ‘okay we can work with this, this is the best home i can find’ and then like it ends up landing on its feet and then the kid gets adopted and then they get a call a year later like ‘uhm so hi, this kid tried to steal my tyres can i adopt him?’ and like 3 years later. ‘okay so basically, my neighbours’ kid imprinted on me and now they’re dead, can i keep him?’ two years later it’s like ‘okay so this assassin child-’

ever since I saw that one post of yours, the meme that's something like "I know that abba's backup dancer got me" with a picture of discowing, I've been haunted. Every once in a while I'll be minding my own business then the image of abba's backup dancer dick grayson aka nightwing aka discowing will flash in my mind and I'll be frozen in place. Today at work I was in the middle of folding clothes and suddenly once again discowing entered my mind and I suddenly lost the ability to see anything except He. Thank you.

wow. the IMPACT.

Braver than any US marine man props to you🤝

this shit is about the time i wrote an article on batcest, like man,,, the fact that i didn’t get cancelled is MIRACULOUS. also like,,, uh if anybody on here did gossip on me,, send screenshots i’d love to see it.

Hello, just wanted to say your article was great. Thank you for taking the time to provide an unbaised answer. It should provide people with nuances they couldn't possibly conjure on their own.

May I ask where your username originates from?

yes you may (also thanks!!!) i thought it up when i was trying to find an original username bc i didnt want to be called like ‘timdrakes something something’ or ‘jason todd something smoething’ or ‘dick grayson something something’ yanno? so i thought batarangs, they sound so dumb and that’s my username story... now it’s my whole entire brand lmao.

yno that bit in kick ass where red mist asks kick ass if he wants a hit of his blunt, was that the inspo for stoner tim

no? it’s bc i think stoners are hilarious and drugs are great. (dont do drugs tho)

How would u feel if someone actually wore one of those bruce or ollie pride shirts u edited

fenomenal next question.

Dick as lil huddy and Jason as James gave me radiation poisoning and now I’m screaming crying throwing up so thx for that

(Rico suave as Tim is perfect tho literally no changes needed)

i was so funny for that shit wasn’t i??? lmao i loved those weird ass fancasts

You're doing the Lord's work by providing us with all these Gotham/Metropolis citizens memes, thank you for being so relentlessly funny @nellethiel-aranel

you’re welcome!! i really enjoy making memes, but getting validation for my content and my memes is REALLY nice.

Bruce is such a slut in your memes and honestly i love that for him @rhodey-rhudert-rhodes-main

he’s that much of a slut irl too dw.

Bruce and Alfred have an emergency pride flag for the batkids. Oliver Queen printed an emergency "I love my gay son" t-shirt and as soon as Roy told him he was dating Jason, Oliver started wearing that shirt everyday and Roy always cringes when he sees it. Oliver also has an emergency "I love my lesbian daughter" shirt just in case for Cissie.

lmao YES i had a post like this bc like all of their kids/family members are so gayy

stop bringing back batfam fancasts it is not real it is not real it is not- 😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀

oh yes it is my darling.

did discowing burn down the notredam because he hates the bees? @allulily

no he did it bc fuck the french.

im gonna beg for 1 thing and 1 thing only. please please please put physical by olivia newton john on dick's playlist

okay then beg. bc i wont. physical reminds me too much of glee and that hurts me mentally.

your playlist is sorely missing some Madonna. Specifically Into the Groove, Like a Prayer, and Vogue

i’m scared of madonna that’s why she’s not on there. she haunts me in my dreams.

suggestion: son of batman by aaron dews for dick’s playlist🤩

sorry, i listened to it and the vibe didn’t agree with me.

Hear me out, metropolis citizens sending rare pair fics of Clark Kent x Superman fics to Lois to edit

yes, absolutely hilarious. even more funny if they send like physical copies, no address attached and lois sends it back marked with red ink, SOMEHOW

Imagine all the smut Clark must of read editing the fics

clark reads smut confirmeeed

NOT LOIS READING SUPERBAT PORN AND EDITING IT A 2AM

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

hc that alfred is a meta that boosts healing factor of the people around him. if the bats are injured as much as they seem to be they would be doing bat stuff MAYBE half the year. no one including alfred knows about this. whenever the kids move out they inexplicably dont recover from injuries as fast and feel better whenever they visit the manor they just chalk it up to homesickness. bruce just thinks he heals really fast. alfred thinks everyone doesnt take care of themselves properly @finchcollector

that’s actually such a great idea, but i think that alfred would find out and learn how to concentrate it better so he can help more people, bc he’s great and i love him.

One of your dickfast posts reminded me of that tweet that goes: 'so you've had sex how many times? Yeah technically that's not a bromance' lol that's dickwally or dickroy

literally tho. like that’s all of dick’s friendships. once it gets past a certain time dick is like ‘wow i wonder what it would be like to make out with wally, wally come make out with me’ and wally’s like ‘we’ve done this like 40 times, dick, you know what it’s like’ and dick is like ‘sorry are you complaining?’ and they just make out.

superfam and batfam associations??

-batman and superman

-dick/barabara and supergirl?

-conner and tim

-jon and damian

pls enlighten me I am confused

nope,,, uhm batman and superman, but dick and superman as well, and then conner and tim, jon and damian and steph + babs with supergirl

I came across a fic in which Wonder Woman calls Batman "Stella" (like Stellaluna, the children's book) and I can imagine the batkids hop on the trend and maybe copies of the book appear at random places (aka, everywhere Bruce frequents)

sorry can’t reciprocate that was the name of my high school chemistry teacher and it gives me nightmares to think about.

good human what are your pronouns?

wouldn’t you like to know?

I need me some gothamites preferring harley over joker memes

everyone prefers harley over joker youre just very fucked up if you dont

don't understand why people try to add like veteran policy to the batfamily

dick pulling out his veteran batfam member card so he can eat first: step aside, peasants

Do you know the song Simmer by Haley Williams? It (the first verse anyways) reminds me of Jason? It's about rage.

damn yeah i LOVE HAYLEY!!!! youre right thoo

Okay so I like listen to your stoner Tim Drake playlist 24/7 but would he listen to skegss? Also I keep adding songs mentally it’s killing me 😩✋🏼 Anyways,, I literally love and worship your playlist 😃🤞🏼 And uh yeah have a good day ✨

stoner tim drake playlist is lyfeeee. also dont know who skeggs is? i’m stupid? have a good day!!

All the Robins (and Batgirl) decide to trade costumes for one night just to fuck with Batman and all the villains in Gotham. @subspacecadet

batman knows it’s them youknow but like,,, what does he call them? he’s like ‘red hood?’ and 3 people answer and he’s not about to compromise some identities so he’s just Pissed.

I aspire to treat cops the way my dad treats them. This man is a 45 year old Asian immigrant to the US and the treats them like his pets. He talks about them like unruly children. Sometimes he pays off local cops to shut up and stop acting racist. And usually it works. I don’t know why but I can see Oliver Queen doing this

vibes... and also yes? oliver queen handing a local cop a donut to shut the fuck up lmao. but yanno i commit enough crimes to not really want to ever see a cop ever, so they kinda scare the everloving fuck out of me.

seeing as tim hasn't aged in years, that means he was 17 at peak emo tumblr era. im back on my emo tim bullshit and im not letting it go

emo tim had a wattpad account send tweet

People seem to think that batman is so dark and serious when the rainbow batsuit is right there. He wore it with no shame.

dude the 60s were a DIFFERENT TIME

dick grew up in a circus, jason grew up on the streets, and tim was probably raised by the internet

all of them cuss every other word and you cannot tell me otherwise

bitch i KNOW but dc has to change to an 18+ rating if they want to sell comix with swear words in them so we gotta deal with imagining the swear words in ourselves

thoughts on teen titans and young justice

haven’t seen teen titans on account of havent seen it and young justice was LITERALLY my favourite thing ever, tho i do gotta admit it’s not at all similar to the young justice comics unfortunately. i really wouldve liked to see timmy bart kon cassie and cissie animated on tv!!

ew ew ew how to delete batcest shippers I genuinely digust them

log off tumblr?

Okay as poc who was called racist for calling an Italian pastabrain: in the batfam are Italians bit Damian just yells various insults about the others being Italian. Just him yelling “What are you doing you moronic spaghettihead!” At steph etc

huh? i meant real italians. homeboy is telling steph he hopes she chokes on her fucking garlic.

I think it's dumb as hell to pull the batman is the best fighter in the batfam argument because like it's just irresponsible of Bruce to let his kids fight when they couldn't possibly be on his league or something

fair enough, but also like who cares they could all kill you just sit down and take a beating.

lady shiva, thalia al ghul and Selina Kyle are all milfs @notanothertimburtonenthusiastugh

unfortunately, i have to admit,,, you’re right

why tf didn't someone give joker a death sentence already? like he's a mass murderer...give him the electric chair treatment wtf

idk i think plenty of people would have tried to murder him already (boring answer is: he is a popular character so they can’t kill him off bc he brings in lots of money)

There’s no such thing as “ copaganda”.

all american media is propaganda. happy to clear this up for you

is it bad that I find lady shiva owa owa

no. find her as owa owa as you want.

aight I'm guessing the order of your favs in batfam:

1. tim

2. Steph

3. dick

4. Duke

5. the rest

you’re wrong but it’s cute that you tried, i generally don’t have favourites, but i have a special place in my heart for steph, tim, dick and cass. bc they were like my introduction to batfam. but damian, jason, duke, bruce, babs and alfred are NOT FORGOTTEN OR UNLOVED

oh my god i was literally just readily willing to believe that italians werent white ty for clarifying it was a joke im so dumb sdkvjskdfs

i mean some italians aren’t white? italian is a nationality as well as an ethnicity, so like ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

since I saw so many people doing headcanons about the nationalities of batboys, I see Dick as an Italian.

dont know if youre serious or not, but sure.

super random but

jason 🤝 damian

old english

lmao fair enough.

tim absolutely has 1 gay uncle and his parents shit talk said uncle all the time so after bruce adopts him he specifically reaches out to this uncle to be like "heyyyy just so you know you majorly influenced my life yes i know i havent seen you since i was 5 and at the family reunion yes i know you dont remember my name idc thank you im gay too" and then they never talk again.

yuppp lmao that’s definitely something that could happen. i can also consider tim having no family members, like none. until he does like a dna test and he realises he has like an aunt living barely 2 miles away from him who’s like some illegitimate child of his grandpa.

I dare you one of them sends clark superman/clark fic and clark corrects the shit out of it and then goes like ps his dick is not that big, just telling as someone who has seen it. internet either explodes or goes who tf did he not fuck at this point.

i think everybody would call clark a buzzkill and try to cancel him over that.

so you're telling me Tim Drake wouldn't buy Starbucks?

no. dunkin donuts all the way

One of my favorite things is imagining people finding out jason came back from the dead and being like "oh no does he have magic powers now?!?!?" and he just pulls out a gun and tries to shoot joker

now he doesn’t even have the gun :) lmao

my favorite batfamily fanfictions are the ones where they use their shitty codenames, unironically, in any context

bruce gets codename ‘ugh’ everytime. he hates it.

crazy that tim being a 17 y/o ceo and a stoner who does brand deals are all actual canon things written in detective comics comics and not made up for shits and giggles by you, tumblr user batarangsoundsdumb @rowdeyclown

SO CRAZY HUH?

batman au where everything is the same but his utility belt is bright pink

absolutely, but i raise you, his boots light up like sketchers when he kicks people.

unbeknownst to the superhero fandom writers in the dcuniverse, clark and BRUCE are one of the most prolific fanfic writers in the superhero rpf tag on ao3. clark writes the best lois x superman angst, full of unhappy endings and scenes that are a so detailed you'd think you were in the middle of a superhero beatdown. bruce made an ao3 account to fuel "the do the butts match" thing, and makes batman/bruce fics from time to time. he wrote a superbat fic as a joke but ended up making it REAL porny. @concrastinator

dude they’re WAY too busy for that. Oliver Queen and Hal Jordan on the other hand are the most prolific fanfic writers in the superhero rpf tag writing what is Mostly porn.

When the dining table topic gets to politics, Steph says "eat the rich" as the solution

bruce just silently takes away her fork and knife while she’s talking.

#literally if you got through this i just respect you #this is mainly just for the people who sent me an ask in the past few mask #i hope your ask is in here :)#sorry for everybody else #ask #bataranswers #this took me 4 hours to do so i hope youre happy #also sidenote #does anybody know the latin translation for 'to become'#bc i just used future of 'esse' but it could be a different verb #who cares tho latin is a dead language #big congratulations to everyone who translates my sentence #here's a bonus sentence: tuam matrem futueram

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ageofdragon · 4 years

Text

The Next Dragon Age, Analysis #3

Analysis #1 Skeletor | Analysis #2 Location, Location, Location

*Due to length, a Read More has been added. TDLR under cut, at the end.

It is finally time to talk about That image. There is so much going on in that image. It’s brightly colored, full of motion and detail. We see familiar faces and new ones. It’s another eye-catching and gorgeous concept art. I am of course talking about this one.

Now rather than touch the obvious first. Because oh the Obvious it is so great and exciting, that we’ll leave it for last.

Rather I want to start with the overall concept. We see a group of characters diving underwater into a coral reef area. They are doing so, presumably to escape the archers above; as we see a rain of arrows into the water.

So there are two ways this could happen. This could be a scripted event within the game, in which this scene needs to take place or is an option that can take place. This could also be showing off the PCs and NPC companions abilities to FINALLY after three games be getting a swim mechanic. As we’ve spent two games confined to land and a third insta-drowning on the Storm Coast. It would certainly open up new options for moving across maps and exploring beneath them, with new treasures and areas to unlock. The last game gave us jump puzzles, we could be looking at swim puzzles in the near future. It also makes sense for this to be the game for underwater travel and just water travel in general. As the entirety of Northern Thedas has some access and dependency on coasts, bays, and oceans surrounding it.

Now let’s return to the image. If we look closely, we can see some fish among a coral reef and far in the distance is the shadows of sharks. Which could be enemies similar to those found in the Assassin’s Creed franchise or just environmental/aesthetic additions.

I also want to point out that we can see where this group is coming from. At the top of the image is the shadows of boats, which again hint towards at least having ship exploration in cutscene or mechanic. These people aren’t jumping from a dock or shore, but from ships.

The last thing I want to touch on briefly, before moving onto the characters populating this image is the treasure. At the very bottom of this picture there is a skeleton, it has pieces of coral growing out of it. Obviously it rather gruesome in a way, but has a level of nature overcoming beauty to it (for some). So I’m not going to post a close up of it, but just wanted to point that out. The skeleton also has a treasure chest in it’s arms and the lock glints, to draw attention to it. Similar to the mechanics used in many games to distinguish loot chests, again hinting towards possible underwater exploration.

Now then...the characters, I’m still going to hold off on the obvious cause I’m cruel and I Mean ;) why not. So I’m going to start in the very back first.

In the back we see the skull-headed individual from before. Though this one doesn’t have any glow to the skull. I’ve seen a lot of other theories being brought up about this character too, so I still can’t definitively say much about them.

I am still kind of under the impression they are a Mortalitasi or tied to them. Many others have pointed out it could be a Higher Undead (mentioned in Tevinter Nights, as I stated in Analysis #1), a self-aware spirit in the body of someone who once lived and I believe similar to what Justice and Kristoff became. I’ve also heard some people wonder if it isn’t Audric, a specific higher undead that was a main character of the aforementioned Tevinter Nights story; he is known as a guardsman who was killed before filled by another character with a spirit, and later became an archivist for the Mourn Watch. Which would tie him to the Mortalitasi, but if it is him and he is shown in all concept arts; it makes me wonder why he would be performing a dissection of a Dragon.

Next we have this woman.

I have a friend who on first glance thought it to be Scout Lace Harding, which could be possible given the company. She also has similar armor, a possibility of freckles, and similar physical features. However, it is strange that they would choose to loosen her hair, unless it is specifically to give more convincing towards the underwater scene. And the foreshortening of the drawing, makes it hard to gauge the woman’s height as dwarva or not. It’s a bit of an unknown. That said, if it isn’t Scout Harding, I have a strong feeling it could be a default PC stand-in. There is no extremely distinct feature about her and her face is rather basic to be an instantly recognizable companion. Which says to me she’s a NPC, like Scout Harding or a PC stand-in. Unless of course Scout Harding is a companion, which I certainly won’t say no to.

And Finally, I suppose we can talk about our last two characters in this concept art.

Still working from the back, we have this handsome and fine piece of art who I really wish I could 100% confirm is our favorite Tevinter piece of ass art. However...I cannot. On first glance, it absolutely looks like Magister Dorian Pavus.

The hair, skin color, and even aesthetic all seem to match. However, there are subtle changes to the hair and facial hair (against his long-haired epilogue look) that could be enough to claim it’s another person.

He is also wearing something similar to a crow uniform and wielding a rapier. In fact, in another concept art, what I originally thought could have been Zevran; actually seems to be this guy. Though I can’t confirm that either and Maker do I hope the other guy is Zevran. If this guy is Dorian tho, then Dorian could be undercover or has a few new tricks (maybe dual-classing or going back to dao unrestricted-class weapon loadouts?) It could even just be a style choice, though it still begs the question why.

So the possibilities are that he is Magister Dorian Pavus of Ventus or some unknown Crow. Either of which aren’t bad options, but one is definitely more exciting to me than the other.

Lastly, my favorite character to ever grace the Dragon Age fandom. The Queen of the Seas herself, and beloved Rivaini.

Captain Isabela of the Felicia Armada (allegedly).

She is honestly the only one in this entire picture, I can say with almost no doubt, who she is. There is such a slim margin for this not to be her. She has her gold decorations (including the overly large, penis necklace), her captain’s pants as seen in the comics, and her top and sash as seen in the Dragon Age Inquisition multiplayer. Her appearance is one of the most unique in the series, so for her to be unrecognizable would be a hard sell. She even has her one shouldered armor piece and her earrings.

Which Isabela has been in every game to date and I do mean EVERY game, even the spin-offs for PC and mobile, why wouldn’t she be in the one game that goes north near her hometown and the seas she roams? She could be working for herself, the Inquisition, or even Hawke. But it seems no doubt we’ll be running into her and she’ll be running into a good bit of booty. After all is it even a Dragon Age game anymore if the Queen of the Seas isn’t there (and like fewer dragons than the number of times she shows up?).

tldr; underwater or at least the sea seems to be a part of the Next Dragon Age game. And Captain Isabela seems to be too, in passing or sticking around a while we don’t know. We can also count of some new companions and maybe more familiar faces, but wherever it takes us we’ll be in good company.

#Dragon Age 4 #DA4 #DA4 Speculation #speculation #long post #ageofdragon speculates #idk what to put down but there is coral growing from a skeleton and that's kind of disturbing #tryphophobia #DA4 BTS Analysis #Analysis 3

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polygamyff · 5 years

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40. Part 3

“Robyn, hey. My beautiful wife come on now. Wake up for me” scrunching my face up, I can feel the pounding of my head “Robyn, come on. It’s like two in the afternoon now, I got some water for you. Come on” opening my eyes slowly “don’t worry, I kept the blinds shut, just sit up for me” I groaned out closing my eyes again “dried up saliva all on the face, come up. Sit up” lifting my head up and then my head fell back on the pillow, opening my eyes slowly “hey” Leon is all in my face, I groaned out again “I know, Jacob does the same. Morning sleepy head come on. I got some water for you, drink up so you can get out of bed, I made you some food too” this is going to be painful, rubbing my eyes “don’t worry, I removed your makeup for you while you was asleep. I did the best I could for you” that made me smile, shuffling up in the bed “this is horrible Leon” I whined out, I want to cry now. Resting my back against the headrest, stifling out a yawn and then touching myself “what is this?” who’s sweatshirt am I wearing “oh please tell me I didn’t?” my eyes all wide “no, this is Jacob’ top, I changed you. It’s me duh, you know I always do that for you. I wouldn’t let you shame yourself like that, even though you punched me, anyways. Drink up” Leon picked up the glass from the side “thank you” taking the glass “then I want you to pee, come out. Eat and have some painkillers, cure this for yourself and then we need to talk” I actually need this water right now, the water touched my dessert dry mouth. I feel like I am watering myself, I can’t stop drinking “I knew you needed that, so you can wear this. Jacob don’t mind and yeah, come out. We are waiting for you; did you have a good time?” I feel so good, I feel watered. Looking at the glass, I near drank the whole glass “I am feeling happy, thank you. It was good” Leon took the glass from me “I am glad you had fun, also do you remember anything major, yes or no?” squinting my eyes at him “we went Playhouse” I said, Leon nodded his head “that is a start anyways, come on and get out of bed. We all want to go out again later” staring at Leon as he made his way out of the room, he said he wants to go out again but where exactly is this.

I feel like I should be ashamed, I don’t know why. I look a right state, the only thing I have done is flatten my hair down, but I need to leave this bathroom now. I am glad I didn’t wake up wanting to be sick, thank you Jesus. Opening the bathroom door and stepping out, so I am in an apartment. It’s a cute one too actually, very open planned. Looking down as I slowly made my way down the steps, ever so slowly “morning!!” Jacob shouted, I laughed shaking my head “stop it” I mumbled, let me just walk down the steps ever so slowly. I do not want to fall down these steps so let me just walk “nice to see you awake now boo” my head is pounding and them talking is not helping “I feel like I should be ashamed” I said, making my way to where Jacob is “no, over here. You need to eat, come on. To the bar stool, don’t she look nice in your top” Leon said, Leon is being a troll I look awful “she does, it’s been a while since I seen such nice legs, and yours of course Asia but it’s nice to see a different pair” Leon had really made me breakfast, I mean I don’t know if I can eat “come on sit” placing my hands on the side as I sat on the stool “this doesn’t smell right” I complained “try the toast first, come on. Eat, so you can have some tablets and we can move on from this” Leon is treating me like a child, maybe I am a child.

That felt painful to eat, I did it though. Sitting down on the couch “nice of you to join us Robyn” Jacob said “this was on Leon, he dragged me out of bed, or I would be asleep still. Did I ruin y’all day? Sorry if I did” Asia laughed “you didn’t, honestly it was a great night. It was fun, I was a little tipsy. Jacob told me I wanted to take the Uber driver home with me” I laughed; I knew the shit wasn’t funny but yet I was still laughing “am I drunks still but did you take him home?” I asked “drunks still? Girl, you must be” Asia said “I woke up and thought I sept with a man because I saw this top, honestly, I near died but then Leon dressed me. Thank you to my husband” Asia and Jacob both laughed “girl, you love some dick don’t you or should I say dike” placing my hand over my forehead “don’t, I have a heard so please don’t come to me with shit I have done wrong” Leon finally sat down across from me “I want you to get better” Leon said “also girl, you done waxed?” I laughed out “stop it, you know why that happened. I did for my wedding night” I rolled my eyes “it’s pretty and excuse me, why did you see that?” I asked “you took your thong off and flung it to me” Leon said as Asia gasped “wedding night? Are you married?” she asked “this would have been my wedding night, I was going to get married, but it didn’t happen” I shrugged “you know the dike thing, the guy she was texting. Him” Leon said, “texting whom?” I retorted “oh chile, you are funny. Like oh my god, we need to talk, ask these guys. This was all your fault, I was being harassed to the ends of earth because of you” I am confused on this matter “I don’t get it, and Asia. I was going to get married on my birthday, but I left him, men are just trash. They want to marry you but look at other women that do not even amount to you” Asia looked at me in sadness “there is no hope for me then, honestly men like trashy women though. Why you think I am also single” least she understands “you wanted that trash dike though” Leon keeps saying this “hold up, you both keep saying dike, what the fuck?” I don’t get it.

They all are laughing at me; I don’t like this at all “first of all I have a headache and you all are laughing at me. What did I do?” I need to know because this joke is between them all and I am not involved “oh, Robyn. You have Odell Beckham’ address in your phone also” Asia said “I remember him coming to the club but how did that happen? How did I get his number exactly, well address?” I did more than I think “well he bought you a bottle, we got it here still in the kitchen and he said happy birthday to you, you was flirting with him mad hard and he wanted to take you back, you was playing him off which he knew but he still wanted to give you his address, didn’t he say something like you never know what could happen and Robyn said I know what you want to happen but anyways, the best of all is. You’re on Odell’ Insta story, he posted the club picture of you both” what am I even like “it’s so funny, he was like I know I am being played but I am like letting it happen, he really liked you Robyn” placing my hands over my face, this is so shameful. I cannot believe it “he really did that? Oh my god show me, oh and I think I lost my phone. I didn’t see it?” I asked Leon “that is because I have it, we need to talk!” he eyeballed me “did I do more?” Asia shuffled over to me “it’s a cute picture though, the photographer took the photo, he obviously just took it from there” Asia held her phone to me “is that even me!? Oh my god, he is cute though. Wow ok, why do I look so happy” I am in disbelief with how happy I am, I am drunk though “he got his arm around you too, but there is another picture and it’s a group picture but yeah” Leon waved my phone around “we need to speak on something” he sat back down “did I do bad?” I must have because Leon is giving me judgemental looks.

Jacob is giggling “dike app just kills me every time ok, Leon tell her. All I am going to say is your baby father harassed Leon so much” pulling a face “why is he harassing you? What does it got to do with him?” Leon sighed out “so in your state, you text Maurice. You said to him dick appointment but on the text, it says dike app which is was we keep laughing at it” I gasped “no! Fuck, why did I do that? No!” I am so fucking annoying “he was like what, he didn’t get it and then you said something like dick appointment dick, we meet and that you hated him. So what you wanted was dick, you was in search of sex, you was so freaky Robyn” Leon said, Jacob laughed “all I kept hearing was I am gay Robyn, shut up” Leon side eyed Jacob “you stressed me out, you have never been so freaky with me like that anyways so you wanted dick, like for real you did Robyn, so he is texting are you ok and whatever but you are ignoring him laughing to yourself, so I text him saying you are fine. He called, so me and him go at it, Robyn I mentioned the name Jacob, oh he thought I got you with some man to have sex with, I was like he is gay, I fuck Jacob leave me alone. Then you were hiking your damn dress, I said stop I seen your pussy, he was shouting in my ear. So, I just ended it, he called you eleven times, the missed calls anyways, I ignored it, so I got you in bed. You fell asleep after you did a lot. He called again, I picked up, Maurice was angry he was acting like you was having sex I was like grow up, he was getting at me, like I put him on speaker, he was saying so much and I goes you know what facetime me, he did and I had to show him you in bed, he apologised but I goes she text you drunk, leave it as that she is fine. But he was very much saying shall he come, I said no but that was it, I am not sure if he did that or just left it as that” I want the ground to swallow me up, I am in shock. I am disgusted with myself right now “we all do stupid things” Asia said “but I don’t want to give him attention and I did” I am angry at myself.

Leon has given me my phone back, but I am not looking at it, I have many comments and followers now and it’s like I don’t see why “ok I am over it, it happened now. I just need to not text him again” Jacob scoffed “girl, if you were to get dick, get it from your ex. Best dick on earth, I say that. Sleep with the man you know, if you are needing it then you tell him, your inner whore wanted him” Jacob is right I guess “ugh, what a mess though. I don’t know, I shouldn’t have done it, to text him” I blew out air “anyways, are we drinking again tonight. I think I need to get drunk again” I pouted, I just feel like I preferred the drunk Robyn “we’re not exactly getting drunk, we are going on a road trip too. Drum roll please!” Asia said, Jacob did the drum roll “Vegas, we are staying there for one night. But if you do decide to get drunk then that is on you, but we are going to Vegas for one night, Leon is treating” I cooed out “we going Vegas? Ok I am here for that” my phone pinged, lifting my phone up, my face softened as I unlocked my phone.

From: Dad

To: Robyn

Happy Belated Birthday! I was nervous texting this to you because of everything but I have never forgotten a birthday of yours, I didn’t forget this one either! I hope you, your mother and Reign have a lovely time together, I am sorry for everything, but I do miss you and i wish I was a man about it all but you will always be my daughter. I have had time to reflect and I shouldn’t have bought you into it and for that I am sorry, I still think about how heartbroken you are. To me, you are always my daughter, I wish I could change the fact you found out. One day we will meet and talk about it and one day we will have that trip to New Zealand like we spoke on xx

I locked my phone, not something I wanted to see but also, I never changed his name to Thomas. Dad, do I have a dad. I am not sure after everything that has happened, I don’t want to think about that “anyways, I need to get drunk again” getting up from the couch.

Nalah thinks any of this is funny, it’s really not. How does she find the fact Robyn is prancing around hiking her dress up funny, I now Robyn is awake now and she is not answering me at all “are you still annoyed? Maurice, it happens, she was celebrating her birthday and she thought of you. Why are you sat there angry? I don’t get it at all, she texts you about dick and now it’s over with. Leon told you now get over it. Dad is meeting us for a meal, so can you dress Reign. Wait till I tell Robyn your refusal to dress Reign and let her sit in her diaper all day” Nalah is annoying “but she likes it, do you know how annoying it is dressing her and then undressing her, she is happy. Look at her” looking over at Reign “you are showing us them rolls” grabbing her foot, Reign looked at my hand “you are so cute, so Nalah said we have to dress you. What we thinking momma? Chanel? Fendi? Burberry?” picking her up “I think we will put your best on, we will put Fendi on you” getting up from the couch “oh wow, look at Robyn meeting other people” glaring over at Nalah “what?” Nalah held her phone to her chest “show me!?” what is she even hiding it for “she met Odell Beckham” Nalah grinned “he can’t even play football, that is wack but show me” fixing Reign in my arms “once you dress Reign and do her hair, I know Reign kept you up last night and you all tired but you need to make the effort Maurice. I am only here to watch over you, this is your daughter” mean mugging Nalah “show me Robyn” I don’t want to hear a lecture at all, Nalah turned her phone to me “he has a big jaw, he is ugly. Like I don’t get it” he is so ugly, Nalah laughed. Robyn looks so pretty though, Reign pointed at Nalah’ phone “aww you seen mommy” Nalah said “is there anything else?” I asked, I didn’t see any of this “erm, she has been tagged in some others” Nalah looked back at her phone “you missing mommy? So, am I” I feel like Reign is not settling with me or is it me, I am not sure “here” Nalah turned the phone to me “Damon!? That nigga likes her! This is wack, fuck this shit” walking off to the bedroom, l am not happy at all.

Reign whined out “what? Look, I am trying, I am here trying to do pigtails” moving back from the bed “Reign, Mi Amor!” she looked up at me, she is all teary eyed because I was doing her hair “I preferred it when you getting bald, catching an attitude with me” shaking my head “tonight, I will have her ok. You just have some sleep” Nalah said, looking behind “I am fine, I don’t need you” how annoying “you didn’t sleep well last night Maurice, you’re becoming annoyed with Reign and then this Robyn thing is upsetting you. Just let me have her so you can sleep, you need your rest too ok?” nodding my head “you’re not well, don’t forget that. Just enjoy Reign while she is here, whatever Robyn is doing she is just having a good time and at the end of the day she text you, nobody else. She did ask about Reign just a few minutes ago” so she didn’t message me back “and what did you say?” I asked “I said she is ok, she said that she is going Vegas for a night” I scoffed “I wonder what other man she will pull or take pictures with; I don’t want it. I just want her with me, I fucked up” she seems so happy in the pictures too “that is something you need to figure out, I will get the SUV around” nodding my head.

Walking inside the restaurant behind Nalah, my dad got up straight away. It was like the queen came to see him, he wasn’t even looking at Nalah, he is so excited to see Reign but with the way I feel he can have her right now “good to see you Nalah, Maurice and look at her, the apple of my eye you have grown. Come here, come to your old grandpapi” my dad took Reign from me “oh I have I missed you so much, no facetime no nothing Reign. Your grandma has been asking about you haven’t you” sitting down in a huff “my little Reign, how you sweetie” look at these two just gushing over Reign “mi Reina, I love you so much” my dad sat down with Reign “how are you son? You look tired?” my mom said, nodding my head “I am tired” she got that right “how come she let you have this little angel?” my dad asked “it’s her birthday and I asked, she said I can have her for this weekend but looks like she is having too much fun now, so yeah I got her” my dad is still a little sore with me “I forgot to text Robyn, it was her birthday. Well I hope she had a good time, because we are. We have you” Reign grabbed the spoon on the table, she will grab anything now “oh no, you will hurt yourself now. Let’s not do that” Robyn is going Vegas, a place I was going too. Men are looking at Robyn, they want her, and I fucked that up.

I have alerts on when Robyn posts anything and well, she posted a picture of her and Odell, the very same picture Odell put up. I mean I am not jealous of a nigga with a big jaw, I really don’t care because I mean look at him. He has his health, he has money and is showing Robyn interest and I had that “staring at the picture will not make it any better, are you stalking his page?” Nalah said “no, Robyn put it up” I scrolled up, Nalah let out an oh “wait go back down” Nalah snatched my phone from me, frowning at her as I watched what she did, peeping what Nalah is looking at “Odell commented on her post” frowning at the comment “imagine seeing you here, why did he put that?” I looked at Nalah “she replied back, she put stalker much?” that is Robyn all over, smart ass mouth “and he put look in the notes and that is it” snatching my phone from Nalah “we didn’t come here for this business Maurice, I wanted a family meal with my kids and grandchild, what is wrong with you? Put your phone down” I am thirty and my dad speaks to me like this “what?” locking my phone “what are you doing?” he asked “nothing, are we done here? I want to go back now?” we ate, I want to go now “not exactly Maurice, I want to know you’re making the right steps for Reign. So she goes back when?” he asked “Monday she flys back” my dad nodded his head “you offer that home to Robyn, you need to tell Robyn that she needs to move to New York unless you don’t want to see Reign? There is one thing I won’t have and is to not know Reign and to know she is not around because of your stupidness, you ruined her home now you make it better” rolling my eyes, I don’t need my dad on my case “her mother is out, what you want me to do?” I shook my head “and that bothers you, so when do you next see Reign?” he is asking me like I know “I don’t know, look dad I am tired. I have not slept last night, she wouldn’t settle. Just let me breathe!” he is too much “that is you being a father Maurice, what else is it? It’s hard being a father” now he is annoying “what do you know about being one? I had a nanny clean my ass, you saw me once I was dressed for morning breakfast at seven, I actually do it myself. You didn’t lose sleep, did you? Don’t talk to me about it” my dad is not happy with me “but did that make you any better? You still became a crackhead, didn’t you? I gave you most my time and still you are a mess, you still make mistakes. I allowed you to get divorced to be happy and you make a mess of that, I will not allow you to personally make a mess of us seeing this child seeing as you can’t help yourself. You offer that home to Robyn, you tell her to move to New York and say to her it will be best for you both, if not then you get a home for them both in a nice area in California, then you make a schedule with Wade, I don’t care how but you should be a seeing her for a week or two, and if you can’t handle it because Nalah can’t wipe your ass too, then you get a nanny, and if I find out your making a mess of this then Maurice I will go above your head and will do something that will upset you, Joy I am sick of him” my dad is always at me now.

I can’t believe Robyn is in Vegas and look where I am, I guess who got the last laugh in this “Maurice, your dad does love you. He is upset that is all, he is worried that Robyn will end up making it hard for us to see her. He doesn’t want it to be getting messy, he really saw the good. He was just as happy as you were that you was getting married, he was so angry you came to us with the mess you created yourself” I don’t know what they wat from me “I am the one hurting, I am the one missing her. I am suffering don’t worry” my phone pinged, looking down and seeing Robyn commented thank you on my post, I mean it’s late for that “I don’t think she has written you off Maurice, she is hurting and right now she will do anything to forget that pain. Us women do that, but I think if you want real advice, I think you need to give it some time and show you are a really sorry. I wish you felt like this when you were with her, you should always feel like this with Robyn. Because honestly she did so much for you, and you can’t say she didn’t and you took it too far” Nalah said “Robyn just needed to just accept it was in my nature, I was never going to do anything with these women” I said in my defence “neither is she and how do you feel right now?” Nalah shut my ass up instantly, I had nothing else to say.

#Chrianna #Chrianna FF #Fanfic #Fanfiction

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fatoulein · 5 years

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Honest opinion on each Eskild AND honest opinion on each Eskild/Isak relationship!

yessss!!!

eskild: LITERALLY the best, like honestly no one really compares with him. he’s the original gay mentor and he’s really just a wonderful character, just showing a gay guy being fem and flamboyant and LOVING it, just existing and being so happy with himself, generally!! like...I actively love him so much. relationship w/ isak: good!!! i think having eskild be the gay mentor in isak’s season is really wonderful. i wish we could see more of isak and eskild hanging out and being happy with each other once isak is able to accept himself and overcome his internalized homophobia more, and i do always hate the pride scene because it hurts so much to see how eskild is hurt. but overall, i do enjoy their dynamic but more in a “this is good and important” way than like a personal enjoyment way.

mika: ......meh. mean to lucas so much at the beginning of s3 that it’s hard to take their relationship seriously later on. and he, like so many remake eskilds, really pushes the stereotypically flamboyant gay eskild into a very....kinda excessive area that verges on parody. so i don’t love him. i do like his post on insta after the pride speech, though. that was really good. relationship w/ lucas: like i said before, it’s hard to find their relationship believable since mika is so rude to lucas at first. but when they become more friendly with each other, they do have a nice enough relationship. it’s just the development that’s lacking.

hans: i really like him!! i do feel like he’s one of the few eskilds, if any, where it actually feels as though they treat him and his sex/romantic life seriously and with respect, and i really like that. i think his personality is really nice and honest, and feels very realistic tbh, and i love his relationship with mia. i do hate that he peed all over the toilet seat, though. relationship w/ matteo: i really like their dynamic, honestly! hans’s cheerfulness contrasts with matteo’s grumpiness in a way that’s fun and works really well without feeling too sitcom-y. and he and linn really care about matteo before he comes out to them, which is really nice. i do hate the pride scene with them though, but that’s mainly because i kinda feel like it didn't actually make sense for matteo to have that scene - they didn’t set up his internalized homophobia in the same way that og did with isak. but i love all the other conversations they have throughout the season. one of the best eskild/isak dynamics imo.

lucas r: love him love him love him!!! he’s such a sweetheart and a really great, creative character that skamesp has made. i loved watching him grow into his self-confidence in his sexuality and become more and more gnc and happy. this is something we don’t get to see with all the other eskilds, so it feels really special! i’m excited to see how he continues to grow in future seasons. relationship w/ cris: LOVED! IT! i cannot emphasize that ENOUGH!!! as much as i would have loved for cris to have had a wlw eskild to look up to, i think that lucas really works, and i love that she has a friend like him to lean on throughout her coming out process. i love how he got to serve multiple roles in her story as she grew and developed, and also that there isn’t just one token gay in their collective friend group (boy squad + girl squad). they have each other!

eve: .......you all know what i think. i do Not like her. she’s very much a lesbian written by a straight person for straight audiences, and she really feels like a parody 90% of the time. also idk WHAT the directors were thinking when they cast her cause that is NOT gnc. also, shay deserves an amazing, confident Black gnc lesbian mentor, not the very white eve. so basically, she’s like nothing i wanted in skam austin’s eskild at all. and then worse. relationship w/ shay: we haven’t seen a lot yet, but i highkey hate what we’ve seen so far, so i’m not looking forward to anything. her talking about how cute shay is and flirting with her is so awful and not okay that i really want her to never be onscreen with shay again as of now.

ralph: i like him a lot!! he’s very fun and kind, and he and liv have a genuinely nice relationship. we haven't gotten to see him in s3 yet so i don’t have a fully-formed opinion, but i think along with hans he is probably the best traditional remake eskild in the way that he is shown to be flamboyant and openly gay, but in a way that’s realistic and respectful, not a parody. he’s like the one thing i’m excited about in skamnl s3! relationship w/ lucas vdh: can’t say much cause not a lot has happened yet, but i did like them being on grindr together. that was fun!

#zo’s asks #lo-cotidiano #thank you jennifer!! ❤️❤️❤️

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kae-karo · 6 years

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Hi I used to be into the phandom so much but fell out in like??? 2017??? Maybe??? Has anything big happened at all? Has anyone died/caught on fire ( ;) )??

oh dear god where do i begin??? well fortunately both our lads are still alive. let me just start with saying 2018 has been like. probably the best year for dnp to date? i’ll try to go in some kind of order here but bear with me i’ll touch on a bit of 2017 stuff and then go into 2018 for ya

so first of all i’m not sure when you left the phandom in 2017 but the lads moved out of their previous flat in april of last year (x) (april-ish it was def before they posted the vid)

also our dear lil dani snot on fire is no longer not on fire (x) so uhh is he on fire now ig? i mean yeah that’s arguably true

*insert phil’s badaladala sound bc on the scale of Significant Things i don’t think anything else massive happened*

day one of demon month, we got this amazing vid from phil wherein viewers (aka dan) picked his outfits n he looked like a snacc and a half (would’ve been 2 snaccs if he’d embraced the quiff sooner but that’s getting ahead of things) (x)

!!!! then a week or so later dan posted his vid ‘daniel and depression’ where he opened up abt his struggle with depression (x) which was imo the start of him just being more open about himself in general. he also started working with young minds (a mental health org for young people in the uk) and shortly thereafter with prince william’s program to help prevent cyberbullying

then! on the day love was invented! dnp released their board game, truth bombs (x - yeah i linked the second vid and not the first, and wot) which u can buy if you’d like but it’s a lot of fun (x)

then these idiots did a conjoined jumper baking challenge and didn’t fucking wear shirts under the jumper like what dumb gays idk (x) but it was real funny and Good Content

then early nov dnp announced the interactive introverts tour (x) and then uhhh it happened (like 80+ shows??? in a ton of countries???) (x) and they’re releasing the filming of it along with some bonus content like a director’s commentary and u can preorder it (x)

also pinof 9 happened which as a legacy phan u know is always a Thing but this year it was especially a Thing so i recommend catching up (x, and the bloops - x)

and phew okay that’s the majority of 2017 Important Events but before i go on to 2018 i’ll just recap a few important events from dapg (basically just some gamingmas stuff):

wherein dan smacked phil in the face

and phil crushed the presents but dan helped him up

where phil pretended not to remember gamingmas was happening, leading to the most iconic simultaneous heart eyes howell/love eyes lester to date

dnp singing baby it’s cold outside together whilst playing yasuhati

iconic pinof 9 moment

dnp play charades but it’s phil’s turn, and he’s touchy

the not my arms challenge!!! playing mario kart

okay! and before anyone starts yelling i know there’s more but god if i put every iconic thing in this post would break there’s Too Much so let’s hop into 2018 bc it’s gonna be a long one

first i cannot believe dan fucking gave phil a philussy cake and phil’s parents asked phil what it meant jfc dan (x)

THE EARRING!!! dan’s first selfie with the lil hoop and it never leaves and we love it (x)

phil is just trying to take a selfie and dan ruins it (x) spoiler alert: phil gets him back in colorado (x)

okay big sigh two large events happen in march: the first, dan’s ‘trying to live my truth’ vid (x) it basically dan saying ‘i’m still figuring things out but i want to be more authentic and true to myself, and also authenticity is important for some people to feel happy in life’ vid that a lot of people hyperfixated on the end line of, where he said he would go ‘laugh at a joke with a chocolate bar and...something else in my mouth’ which people assumed meant a dick and therefore it was a subtle coming out vid, dan did a liveshow afterward (x) wherein he said that wasn’t the point of the vid and people got mad at him for ‘backtracking’ (if u want more of my Opinions on this feel free to check em out - x)

the second v v big event happened at the end of march when phil posted this iconic selfie that would be the downfall of the fringe (x) this has been titled the quiffening by some

shortly after that he began styling his hair in a quiff permanently which was probably the best decision he’s made since responding to one of his obsessed fans back in 2009

quick detour dan’s proud of his hubby (x) for winning fortnite and ‘fuxkung’ is now what ‘fucking’ autocorrects to in my phone

we also had dan releasing his merch (x) which is basically all black and themed around the eclipse logo and ‘don’t talk to me’, though he just released the exist line for world mental health day which has his quote ‘have the courage to exist’. he’s also mentioned possibly wanting to do more creative things like wide-necked or asymmetrical shirts dan just do a fashion line pls oh and he mentioned in a recent ls he might do an internet support group mug sometime soon

and then,,,,,pigeonfest. we watched. five hours. of phil livestreaming their patio. and literally nothing happened bc someone was like down on the street feeding pigeons so there weren’t even any pigeons for like 90% of the liveshow. but he literally didn’t talk it was just five hours of their patio and we all watched it. we all just watched it like the whipped phannies we are (x)

and then we got a brief but overwhelming dose of,,,,,,something from the easter baking vid (x) phil was hopped up on sugar and also confidence from his quiff and probably smth else as well

everything just blows up from there we have giving the people what they want (x) where, in preparation for ii (for which the underlying theme was ‘giving people what they want’), dnp reacted to pinof 1, swapped clothes, did the ‘yoga challenge’, recreated ditl manchester, ‘got a dog’, and made phil say fuck. honestly it shook the entire phandom to its core at the time but like. i’m less shooketh now? it’s sort of just fallen by the wayside in terms of how unpredictable dnp have been this year

then phil drops week in the life of dnp shortly thereafter which is just very very domestic even for them and their ditl style vids??? (x) phil filming dan in bed being one of the big demon highlights at the time

it’s right around this time too that insta stories start and my god it just goes jfc like i don’t even have the mental capacity to recall all the Iconic ones but i recommend checking out this playlist (x) which has all the ii tour stories goddamn there were a lot though they really put out that content didn’t they

in early may we get phil talking about why he changed his emo hair (x) and arguably the first official vid of the casual rebrand - phil’s more open and genuinely vulnerable about his fears about making a change to his hair, and i don’t think we’ve ever seen him that open before. the vids don’t stop being open though, with what dnp text each other (x) giving us coop and doop along with other iconic stories, dnp basically sitting on top of each other in that and other gaming vids on the tour bus, phil being very open abt his attraction to men (x) and the iconic final google feud vid with way too much of a specific kind of Energy (x) (ofc again there are More Vids but i don’t have the time/mental capacity to recap them all so i’m pickin the Big Ones)

monochrome mates (x)

phew okay so the tour in general as well - like if u don’t mind spoilers, i did a big ol analysis of what that was all about (x) but one of many many highlights is dan calling he and phil “best friends and soulmates”

finally finally finally after months of waiting we also get some phil merch! (x) plant and animal themed, and he even released a lion plushie which sold out like instantly and he claimed he’d do more of but we have yet to see that. he says he’s got more ideas for other merch as well

now okay fast forward to october after the tour’s over bc i think the insta stories and the analysis cover it but then. then. then we get the pizza mukbang (x) thirty three minutes of dnp being more open and honest and casual than literally they’ve ever been on camera maybe ever, and i’m including liveshows in this statement. no holds barred, authentic vulnerable dnp. a religious experience

end of october spooky week hits us and i think the key vid to call out here is the creepy mind of phil lester bc i think it was another open honest authentic vid (x) where they talked a lot, casual domestic w.e got some insight into phil’s mind it was v good

and then they carve pumpkins jfc which was an experience (x) there were a lot of innuendos but also one of the first years they didn’t do a halloween baking in a while (though they have hinted at possibly doing christmas baking) idk i’m fully overwhelmed at this point lmao like a Lot happened this year

phew okay and Then just yesterday philly dropped his vid on why he went to (the) hospital (x) idk soz that’s a british thing i think like we say ‘the’ anyway. which i’ve been talking abt quite a lot lately but it was another very open and honest vid in which he expressed a lot of vulnerability and fear and perceived flaws and it was just a quality like. open vid.

jfc okay hope that helps obviously there’s a lot i didn’t mention, but this should at least get you caught up on some of the big stuff!! and while i’m at it have a few more Important Gifs from this year

a very important moment of communication whilst on tour, deciding whether or not they’re okay with doing a ‘third wheel’ pose

dan flinging himself off the chair in anger whilst playing getting over it

nose boop from phil’s instagram explore pages vid

subsequent nose boop from the extreme tetris vid

and a cheek boop from the overcooked 2 vid

dan pulling phil’s hand off the mouse in fear during spooky week, swamp simulator (shrek slender)

touchy!dan during pizza mukbang

oh god. okay. again, this is not everything, just a big list of some big events over the past year-ish. i’m sure i’ve missed some important stuff but i think i covered most of it! hope this helps ya get caught up dear!

#dnp #so dan and phil in 2018 eh #what's that about #phan #dip and pip #kt #anon #ask

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sagemoderocklee · 6 years

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Hi two questions! If you’ll take them. Question 1. On your blog it says Boruto free-zone, but do you like Gaaras son? Idk his name, I don’t watch the show but I would like to get on opinion on him. Question 2. I’m writing a LeeGaa fanfic and was wondering if you had any tips about writing them. I’m a little worried about making them OOC, like I am all fics honestly but I really want to get this right before posting. And tips? Thanks, love your blog!

Hi, anon! Sorry for not getting to this sooner. It’s been a long week to say the least. I hope I can give satisfactory answers to your questions because I’m still exhausted and a lil bit sick from my move this past weekend.

As far as Gaara’s son, Shinki: I think he’s a good kid, but it’s very unoriginal writing in terms of his origins and his personality. He’s Gaara 2.0. I have nothing against him and I think he’s an adorable lil goth child, but as with all the Boruto kids they’re just different versions of their parents with slightly different backstories and in a lot of cases a lot less trauma. I don’t really think there’s anything compelling about the series–the stakes seem pretty low compared to Naruto, the writing is just not good, and I was always more invested in the original Naruto characters. Boruto is a cash cow–it’s piggy-backing off of Naruto’s success to keep making money off people emotionally invested in the series.

Now, the big question: Since I don’t know what you’re writing, all my advice is going to be pretty generic, but obviously you’re welcome to ask more questions and even send me private messages to chat.

So I think it can be really dependent on the fic in question–like if you’re writing a modern AU, you really have to figure out what makes the characters who they are and what is the inherent draw between the two of them, then divorce them from all Naruto context. They aren’t child soldiers, they don’t have ninja magic, there’s no tailed beasts, etc. Any AU is going to be a little more complicated because you have to think about how you’re approaching the characters more creatively.

If you’re writing in canon, then it’s a little easier because you don’t have to take them out of Naruto-world and put them elsewhere while still maintaining the characters.

I have recently answered a similar ask about this sort of thing, though it was specific to the characters, which is of course important, but if you haven’t looked at this post, it’s a good place to start in terms of who Gaara and Lee are, because ultimately if you’re not writing the characters correctly, the relationship will also suffer in terms of the writing. This is also a good post in terms of general writing advice, and you can also go through my gaara, lee, or gaalee tags to see any other asks I’ve answered about these two and this ship to get some of my perspective on the characters and their relationship.

Here’s a good breakdown on what I think a good GaaLee fic, canon or AU, needs to have to be successful, which I’ll extrapolate on under a cut:

A Solid Foundation

Individuals

The Law of Attraction

Balance

Avoid Contrivance

Be Creative

The Journey

So now that we got the main points presented, let’s break this down.

1. A Solid Foundation

The biggest road block to a successful GaaLee story is laying a foundation. We don’t get a lot of their friendship in the actual series because of the pacing of the series, so we need more of a foundation for a believable, compelling romance.

For me, I’ve always personally preferred slow burns, but with certain ships, slow burns feel more necessary–I need to know why these two are close enough to form a romantic relationship. I need to know what groundwork the story I’m about to read is laying for them. A solid foundation can be anything, but it needs to be there. I need to know that they’ve had more than a handful of interactions. While the Gaara vs Lee fight, and Gaara rescuing Lee from Kimimaro are both very good pieces of their shared history, I still want to see more than just that and I think that ultimately it strengthens a story and strengthens the relationship you’re presenting when we have a good foundation.

Gaara especially needs a good foundation to develop a romance with someone and rushing right through the building blocks makes it harder to see him forming those feelings and pursuing that relationship, so it’s vital when approaching a GaaLee fic to keep in mind the way this character can and will fall in love. Lee is more prone to developing crushes on people at first sight, and while that crush can develop into a deeper love, Lee doesn’t only need to have insta-crushes on someone to fall in love with someone. With Lee, there’s a lot of options for how you approach romance, whereas Gaara is more limited.

When building a foundation for these two ask yourself what the starting point is–set aside the Gaara vs Lee fight, set aside the Kimimaro fight; we already know about those fights. What is the start of the foundation for your story? What’s the spark? What’s the thread that ties them together? Figure out what the building blocks are for your story, and don’t rush through building that foundation. Don’t limit and weaken the romance by forgetting to build it on top of a good foundation; don’t forget that a solid romance is built on a foundation of friendship and trust.

2. Individuals

An important and often forgotten aspect to writing ship fics in general, is the fact that you’re writing a story about two different people coming together. They are two separate, individual people with their own desires, ambitions, beliefs, motivations, etc. They do not cease being themselves once they enter into a relationship, but often times, much like with the lack of a foundation, people forget to allow these characters to maintain an identity outside of the person they are in a relationship with.

Lee’s whole world shouldn’t revolve around Gaara, and Gaara’s whole world shouldn’t revolve around Lee. Give them depth, give them a life outside of the relationship they have. Don’t lose who they are as individuals, because then you lose who they are as a couple as well. They share their stories with one another, but their stories shouldn’t only be about one another.

And, along these lines, if you don’t have a grasp of who these characters are as individuals, then you’re not going to have a grasp of who they are as a couple. Always ask yourself simple questions when approaching road blocks in your story: who is this person? what do they want? why do they want it? how will they get it? That tells you a lot about a character either in the moment or as a whole. Who is Rock Lee? What does he want? Why does he want it? How will he get it? You can also ask yourself the opposite: who isn’t this character? what do they not want? why don’t they want it? how will they avoid this? Who isn’t Gaara?–meaning what sort of person is he not, (ie callous and cold) What does he not want? How does he avoid this outcome? Also knowing how far a character is willing to go to either get or avoid what they want can really help.

An example scenario: Gaara loves Lee, but the only way he and Lee can be together is if he gives up being the Kazekage. Gaara cannot and will not give up being the Kazekage. Being the Kazekage is a part of who he is. As much as he loves Lee, he cannot give up his village and he will give up Lee over his village.

So, building around that gives you a lot of options to talk about who they are and what struggles they face as individuals and as a couple. What they value and how it can cause tension, etc.

Again, one of the most important things, in my opinion, is having a story outside of these two; giving them motivations outside of each other, giving them relationships outside of each other, etc.

3. The Law of Attraction

With writing romance, there are a couple of things to consider in terms of why two people might be attracted to one another–from physical to emotional, the choices you make in building the romance itself need to be grounded. What do they see in each other? What attracts them to one another? And is it compelling enough to build a story around?

Everyone has something they find attractive in someone else from looks to personality. Did Lee feel a spark the first time Gaara smiled at him? Was it the green of Gaara’s eyes that first made Lee stop and stare? Was Lee’s kindness and determination what first made Gaara’s heart skip a beat?

Find those moments that draw them to one another–it’s like gravity, and it should keep pulling them closer to one another until their orbits are so tightly connected that interference with that orbit would be devastating. The stakes don’t necessarily need to be high from the outside world, you can have your modern AUs and still have an intense emotional connection between the two, but it has to come from somewhere; the attraction needs flow naturally. Often times, the best and most natural expression of attraction in stories is done subtly. Sometimes, we’re not really aware that we’re drawn to someone until we’re already caught up in their orbit–and I think that’s a good way to present Gaara and Lee. Both kind of oblivious until it’s glaring them in the face.

So find the gravity between them and let it grow.

4. Balance

One thing that I personally love about GaaLee is that they are such polar opposites that they balance each other out. Not too long ago, I answered this ask about Gaara and Lee and the symbolism of the tiger and dragon from their fight–it’s pretty apt though to think of the way they impact each other as yin and yang. It’s a balance. They become better for having each other in their lives.

In general, when talking about a healthy romance, it should be enriching; it should feel like it compliments both people. Gaara and Lee compliment one another, and I think that should come through in the story itself, even before the romance is explicit. Gaara calms Lee; Lee excites Gaara. Where Lee goes left, Gaara goes right, and together they make a perfect circle.

Finding where they differ, will help you find where they create balance within each other.

5. Avoid Contrivance

One of the things that always sticks out to me with GaaLee fics is that it feels like people don’t know how to get them together. How do we get Lee to Suna? How do we get them to fall in love? etc. There’s always this like confusion, this sort of floundering to think up new ways to make it happen because I think everyone’s stuck on the idea that Lee has to be in Suna for them to fall in love. Obviously, in more recent years, there’s been an upswing of Gaara visiting Konoha as a premise, but even with that context it feels like grasping at straws for the how and that leads to contrivance, and most importantly to falling back on that one fic from ten+ years ago as a building block for a GaaLee fic.

Let’s face it, if you don’t want them to do long distance, yes Lee will inevitably end up in Suna. But he doesn’t have to always be in Suna for them to start a relationship, and if you’re gonna have him be in Suna, it probably shouldn’t be because he’s a diplomatic envoy. Lee isn’t a diplomat. He is so far from being suited for politics and diplomacy it’s honestly hilarious. I’ve done it. We’ve all done it. But he’s not gonna be an envoy for diplomatic liaisons between villages, and that needs to be acknowledged. Lee is a man of action, not words, and definitely not the sort of games that politicians play.

So when you inevitably decide that Lee’s gonna go to Suna, be creative. And outside of that, think of ways to get them out of Suna and Konoha! There are endless possibilities! Don’t limit yourself!

There are other contrivances in fanfics, but that’s always the one that gets me because it often feels like people are placing Lee in Suna because they just don’t know what else to do. I have Lee in Suna a lot for the fics I write, but there is always a good reason for it. Make sure to have a good reason that fits in line with who Lee is and why he might be there. And tbh Gaara and Lee are friends! It’s totally okay for him to decide to make a stop in Suna on the way home from a mission to see his friend!

Aside from that, I feel that the other biggest contrivance is that Gaara is always… immediately into Lee and it’s just… not realistic. Allow them to take time with their relationship, don’t just shove them together. Gaara taking one look at Lee and being like “yes, that one” is just… it’s not who Gaara is. Like it’s not always applicable if we’re talking about like AUs, but people all too quickly forget that Gaara underestimated Lee. He took one look at Lee, thought he was a weird, weak kid and dismissed him. Then promptly got his ass handed to him by Lee. Gaara did not take Lee seriously at first in canon, and it is heavily contrived when his first glimpse of Lee in an AU is a love at first sight kind of thing.

Another note, a big thing that frustrates me is Gaara not having like any concept of things like sex, romance, etc. Like he’s not some shut in who’s never heard the word sex, and I’m deeply tired of seeing his “sexual awakening” because it’s always like really gross and lowkey homophobic because there’s always this sense that people want to make him asexual but they make him sex repulsed (as if that’s the only way to be ace) and don’t know how to do it without being like “eww sex with another man!?!?!” Like there are ways to write asexual characters without being gross, but you wouldn’t know it the way fandom writes so just be careful with that sort of thing.

In general, sexual awakenings often feel contrived, but that’s just my onion.

6. Be Creative

I know I said this already in number five, but it bears repeating. Be. Creative. I wish like… any of my fics were finished so I could like point to them as examples of the many and varied ways you can tell a GaaLee story, but trust me, I have like 20+ WIPs/fic ideas and each one of them is different from how they meet to how they fall in love so I know it’s possible. I think a lot of people get sort of bogged down by the lack of fic content and by the fact that everyone and their mother won’t shut up about that one fic from 10+ years ago. But I promise you can be original, creative, and groundbreaking. This fandom doesn’t exactly have a lot of ground to break, but you can still do it! Think outside the box! Don’t limit yourself to Lee going to Suna! Don’t limit yourself by making it love at first! Don’t sell yourself short by forgetting to take your time developing them, their story, their relationship!

Think of something completely out of left field and then just fucking run with it! Figure out how to make it work for these characters, within this world! But go for it! Don’t be afraid to make mistakes! I promise you I have GaaLee fics that I wrote from 8 years ago that SUCKED. But it helped me learn how to write them! It helps me grow as a writer! So take a chance and be creative!

7. The Journey

One final note, the other thing that I have found that trips people up with writing–and this is honestly general advice, but I’ve noticed it a lot with GaaLee fics which is why I bring it up: The pacing.

People are so in a hurry to write a GaaLee fic to give this fandom that’s so desperate for fic content something that they just… rush right through the story. Like I’m gonna be real with you, I don’t care that Gaara and Lee end up living happily ever after. I wanna know HOW they get there. I wanna know how they even get to that first kiss. I want the journey. The journey is the payoff, and I know I’ve pretty much been saying this the entire time but it’s just so important. The amount of times I’ll see a fic that’s like 12 chapters in but only has like 20k words… I’m like ???? what’s even happened? what’s even drawing me in? what’s compelling me to keep reading if you’re 12 chapters in but only have 20k words.

And don’t misunderstand, you can say a lot with a small number of words, but if you’re telling me a story and you’ve got 12 chapters and only 20k written, then you’re pacing is off. Pacing is vital to executing a story well, and if you’re pacing is off then you’re either rushing through the journey or, quite simply, the journey isn’t there to begin with. Like it’s painfully obvious to me when a writer wants to skip all the messy in between bits and just get right to the shipping. And sure it’ll get you views and comments, but you’re missing out on the best part.

If the journey isn’t the pay off, then you’re not telling a story; and while this is general writing advice, it is so important to the integrity of this ship. They need a story. They need epics. They deserve epics. So stop thinking about that final kiss, and start thinking about what happens in the moments before that kiss. Think about the space between the kiss, not the kiss itself, because that is where the story is. The kiss is just ‘the end’.

Anyways, I’m gonna wrap this up because it’s taken me… like three days to write this and I’m tired from work and moving and just everything lol I know this isn’t like super specific, but like I said, if you have specific questions feel free to ask on anon or message me privately!

#gaalee #leegaa #naruto #shippuden #gaara #rock lee #long post #otp: the ultimate otp #naruto meta #fanfic meta #Anonymous

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overwhelmsion · 6 years

Text

{warning: long post ahead. read it in its entirety if you feel like making me feel validated}

Okay I have to vent because this is the kind of shit that makes me not trust romance reviewers!!! And their taste!! And their judgement for good writing quality and actually emotionally satisfying storylines....

This is a book by an "acclaimed author" or at least someone I saw having her praises sung on twitter very strongly. I mean after Tessa Dare I should have learned my lesson. First off, the quality of the writing itself was not deserving of the praise I've seen. It could be that maybe it was just this book. I haven't read any of her other books so idk if it's consistent or different from her usual stuff but there are two things that struck me about this story/writing style early on: it's juvenile (it's about college students so idk maybe it's done on purpose somehow) and it's full of US-american sensibility. It just doesn't track with me. It was hard for me to connect with the characters and the situations "they found themselves in" and their respective reactions as well. A looooooooot of this book fell really flat. Flat. No-sense-making flat.

The "hero" is her past bully. Like actual, physical bullying. Having stuff thrown at her, flyers of her being big as a whale posted at school, actually being run over by a car, needing brain (head?) surgery and SPENDING TWO YEARS IN REHAB bullying. But he's hot and a secret intellectual with feminist tendencies so it's all good. God.

So he pops up at her school (college) and even though she's terrified of him and they're not even friends he casually calls her honey... like those douchebags that think they can call you honey so the douchebaggery that they say is lessened somehow. I'm rage typing right now. In my experience, men using honeys and babes and sweethearts in their speech is more of a reason to run away from them than to believe they're soft bois and find them trustworthy. I see you author, I see you.

I cannot groan enough at the "jock who is a secret intellectual and not only that, he has strong feminist views" trope. Like he's not just a secret intellectual, he's a secret intellectual when it comes to all the interests that the heroine has. It's ridiculous.

Okay but nothing, I mean NOTHING, tops the MOBSTERS being included as a plot point in the book, especially that MOBSTERS have some kind of (monetary????) interest in the outcome of COLLEGE WRESTLING MATCHES. It made me want to snicker when I was reading it but now that I'm writing this I'm horrified at the stupidity. Mobsters. Mobsters. In this day and age. Oh and not only that, at the very end their HEA is capped by the couple becoming insta-rich with mob money. Which, gross. Mob money, really? Do you have no sense in your head, author? Am I supposed to actually feel happy that the "perfect WOKE cinnamon roll" hero is accepting money from people involved in drug and human and sex trafficking? FUCK YOU! Murder and extortion and political corruption? Uuhh especially with all the types of corruption happening nowadays (this is a direct reference to donald's administration, yes). (Seems the book came out in 2016, but still.)

Let's go back to the bullying for a bit. So my bullying at school never ever ever became physical. Not even in having people throw so much as a rolled up piece of paper at me. Not even someone passive aggressively shoving against me in the hallway. Not someone "accidentally" hitting me with a ball in gym class. Never. Not even someone using the threat of violence towards me. Never. Which I'm mentioning to say that I wouldn't let ANY of my past bullies get away with the "explanation" (which turns out to actually be an EXCUSE) that the hero gives here*. The hero who hung around and bullied her with the type of guy who would actually RUN SOMEONE OVER WITH A CAR. The hero who actually threw things at her and posted the aforementioned whale posters. Oh god. His excuse? It wasn't me. Some other being was possessing my body. I have no explanation, only that I felt bad afterwards (cue world's tiniest violin). I didn't know why I did it. I also didn't wanna be doing what I was doing (although that last part was implied, he didn't actually come out and say it). And like, 20 minutes after he gives this explanation the heroine brings something related to the bullying up (because someone apologizing or giving an explanation doesn't automatically erase your trauma) and the hero practically yells "I JUST TOLD YOU IT WASN'T ME" at her, shutting her up. I think he does it a third time too. Unacceptable. Ridiculous.

A lot of things in the book happened just because the author/character said so... like the plot moved in certain directions or the characters felt a certain way BECAUSE WE WERE TOLD it was that way not because it made any sense. The character said something and it made it true... there was no true logic. I read somewhere recently that said it's not important so much that the story makes logic in like, your world building or the tropes you put the story in, the most important thing is that the story makes EMOTIONAL SENSE. This books fails this maxim IN SPADES. In spades. The author just TELLS US the plot makes emotional sense, the plot doesn't actually hold up for the reader as making emotional sense. It's bad. And the quality of the writing itself is... not bad, it's just not good. I seem to recall someone describing the author's writing prowess as chemically amazing or alchemy or something, but hey maybe it's just this book that's bad.

Another thing is that the main characters either act childish or mature based on what the plot needs them to be. Not because of characterization, just because of how cute the author wanted certain scenes to be. They're either mature or immature about sex depending on what's going to be cutest or whatever... I mean I get it they're college kids so they're supposed to be a mix of mature and immature, it's just not alluring for me to read as a 30 year old. It does not come across as cute. It makes me eye roll. Honestly I feel like this book should have a warning that it was going to be juvenile because none, I really mean it, none of the romance books I ever read had as much of a juvenile tone as this one.

The cherry on top of this all..... he bullied her because he had a crush on her. Like that's the ONLY reason. They sort of give another reason earlier on but it doesn't track very well, it doesn't make sense he would bully JUST HER because of it. And that's another thing... the other bullies? Barely mentioned. Other bullying victims? NEVER mentioned. Bullies don't have just ONE victim, I have enough experience with it to tell you that with full fucking confidence. The hero was, at the bare minimum, hanging around with two other bullies and I do not believe for ONE FUCKING SECOND that they only ever bullied the heroine. But none of this is ever mentioned because then the author would have to actually address it and why would she actually do that, right.............................................................................

But the puketastic climax to this whole story is that he has been in some sort of love with her from the very start and they reminisce over what could have been, all googly eyed, if only he HADN'T VIOLENTLY BULLIED HER PLUS AIDED AN ABETTED OTHER PEOPLE IN BULLYING HER TOO AND ACTUALLY PUT HER IN MORTAL DANGER. Cause you guys, he actually saved her life right after he was a part of putting her in danger!!!! Can you say swoon??????? It is so ridiculous I don't think I have enough sarcasm in the world. I don't know how anyone has read this novel and its conclusion as romantic in any way at fucking all, but most of all seasoned romance readers and authors. It's baffling. Truly astonishing.

*also can we talk about how I have yet to find a villain or bully hero who was actually redeemed. It's always some sort of cop out IT WASN'T REALLY HIM explanation that doesn't cut it.

#rant #romance novels #it's probably an unpopular opinion but what else is new #bullying

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endlessly-elizabeth · 7 years

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MEN. Why do guys think it’s appropriate to hit on women on every form of social media? It’s getting to the point where I dread opening my social apps because it seems like at least a couple times a week, some guy is making some unsolicited comment about me being attractive or wanting to hang out. Don’t ask me to hang out because you think I’m pretty. Don’t ask me to hang out at all! I can guarantee you that if a woman wanted to see more of you or desired your attention, she would work for it a little. But I keep getting hit on by guys I don’t even talk to, WHY?

I’m a relatively attractive girl. And yes, I post selfies. Sue me! Everyone does it, but posting a #selfie shouldn’t be an invitation to get creeped on. It’s just a person posting a picture that they like of themselves. Sure, no one can deny that it is attention-seeking to an extent, but maybe someone is just celebrating the fact that he or she looks good that day, and the confidence shines through the picture! Maybe someone is having a bad day and hopes for a positive comment to serve as a confidence booster. Whatever the motive behind posting it is doesn’t give someone the entitlement to be harassed.

Maybe I’m being too sensitive to the subject right now, but it’s happened to me too often recently. I had a male friend who is married ask me for nudes over snapchat. When I called him out on it, he immediately reverted to the ‘omg I was only joking!’ excuse. I bet your wife wouldn’t think you were joking, but who knows what you tell her. I had a guy message me the day after Valentine’s day over snapchat to tell me how beautiful I was and to confess that he wanted to take the time to get to know me better. I met him once about a year and a half ago. I never make conversation with him, despite following eachother on a couple forms of social media. I politely told him I wasn’t interested because I was working on myself, and truth be told, still getting over someone. He seemed to get irritated and told me that “not all guys are jerks” and I left the conversation alone. A week later, I posted a selfie before I went to happy hour with my friend and he commented on every single photo I added to my snapstory and then had the audacity to message me asking for a full-length picture so he could see the entire “ensemble.” CREEPY.

There is a guy in my life who told me he still has feelings for me and hasn’t gotten over me in the time he’s known me, and said he didn’t care if we blurred any lines among our friend group. I told him that I was flattered, but not interested. He also got annoyed and told me I was so quick to deny people chances, but listen. I cannot force myself to be interested in someone. I know who I like and what I look for in a person, and it’s just not him. But what does he do? Continue to message me about my paintings and how he wants to help me with them. It just makes him look desperate and somehow, it makes me feel guilty for not giving him the time of day, but like I said, I can’t force something that isn’t there.

The latest offender is a guy who slid into my direct messages on instagram and texted me right after. I looked at our text conversation and turned to my friend and told her we hadn’t messaged in well over a year. Why now? When I checked the message from him on insta, he had sent me a copy of my own photo and told me how pretty I looked. I gave a generic (but genuine!) thank you, and tried to end the conversation there. Instead, he told me that a dress like that required a special kind of attention accompanied by a date. Is that what guys do now? Try to ask you out online for a “date” just because they think you look good in a picture? It’s sad. I told him that I wasn’t looking for anything right now, and once again, that I needed to dedicate my time to myself and figuring out what my next move is. But when he messaged me again and I didn’t answer it within an appropriate amount of time for him, he messaged me again to let me know he saw that I was online. (I hadn’t even opened the message yet!!) Quite frankly, I don’t owe anyone that kind of attention.

For the first time since 2014 probably, I’ve gotten an increasing amount of attention from guys. It seems like there’s always someone who comes creeping out of the woodwork and I am so disinterested in it all. The amount of thirst from these guys is palpable and it turns me off so much. There’s too much desperation and for what? So you can try to hook up with me and inevitably stop talking? Yeah, count me out. I’m not actively pursuing anyone or anything. I need to feel completely alone and break down the many parts of myself I didn’t like or respect so I can be stronger, both mentally and physically. I’ve already noticed a shift in my behavior towards men--I’m not as interested in coming across as nice and polite to maintain my image. I will call a guy out the second I don’t like something because I’m not going to tolerate childish behavior or be someone’s flavor of the week. I’ve noticed an increase in my confidence level from the past couple months of solitude. I’ve been working out (although inconsistently lately) and trying to challenge myself by doing at least one or two activities per week that give me a little bit of anxiety. I’m trying to be comfortable with the uncomfortable, because I honestly believe that I’ll come out on the other side as a better version of myself. I want to shed the skin of the insecure girl who never felt good enough or that she was worthy of love.

Strangely enough, I realized that I am still hesitant of love from watching the Bachelor. Now, I don’t necessarily believe that you can fall in love over the span of six weeks, but I related so strongly to one of the contestants of winter games this past season. Two people, really. Both thought that they were open to the idea of love, but neither of them could break down the walls to let someone in. One was haunted by the ghost of his previous relationship while the other person had a great guy in front of her but she couldn’t seem to open herself up enough to accept his love. I resonated so strongly with both of these individuals’ stories, and it makes me a little bit fearful. It makes me fearful that even if a decent guy came around, I wouldn’t be open to giving him a fair shot because of the last one. Whether I care to admit it or not, I’m still more affected by that situation than I like to lead on. Part of me realized recently that I was still waiting for him to miraculously come back, even if I knew that it wasn’t going to happen.

So many people have told me I haven’t tried moving on, but they’re wrong. I’ve taken steps to move forward like muting his interactions on certain forms of social media or deleting him from others. I’ve distanced myself from mutual friends that we share so I’m reminded less of him and whatever we shared last year. I’ve hung out with two guys who seemed to have my best interests at heart, but in the end, I just wasn’t feeling it. I had an opportunity to kiss one guy who took me on a date, but I just couldn’t. I didn’t feel ready or I wasn’t as interested as I thought. Or I was scared. Maybe that’s what it was, but either way, nothing happened. I’ve kissed one person since and it was a friend and we were both drunk and didn’t mean anything to us (considering it’s a girl and she’s dating my friend).

Rumor has it, the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else. And honestly, I’m considering it. I know I just tore guys to shreds and said they were acting too desperate, but if I’m going to be bad, I know who it would be with. But I also haven’t put myself in a situation where that could happen because I’m trying to be smart and not fall into what is, inevitably, a trap. So, until someone decent comes into my life, I will be alone and learn to do more things that make me feel happy and make me feel whole.

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nadbooks · 8 years

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Most Disappointing Books of 2016

Hello again! Today I am here with my most disappointing books of 2016. I actually really enjoy posts about books that people dislike because I think they are more informative in letting me know whether a person has the same taste in books as me, as compared to their favorite books. These books were not necessarily awful (although some of them are), but it’s more that I really expected them to be great but they just turned out to be kinda meh. I gave these books either 2 or 3 stars on Goodreads. Oh, and of course, these are ranked from the least worst to the worst worst. Also, the disclaimer that these are just my opinions and if I don’t like your favorite book, it doesn’t mean you’re wrong for liking them. To each their own, ya know!

9. The Explanation for Everything by Lauren Grodstein

This book is about a biology professor and a hardcore evolutionist who is working on a paper with a student who is an evangelist and is trying to prove the existence of an intelligent creator. Sounds real technical, I know. At the time I was reading this, I was taking a class on Evolutionary Psychology which kinda blew my mind and I thought this book was going to be an interesting discussion/debate about evolution and faith and how we can believe in both. In the end, the book was just about a student-teacher affair, a professor going through his tenure review, and the promised discussion on evolution and faith was basically nonexistent. It wasn’t really that bad of a book I suppose, it had interesting insights into life as a professor and I did take away the message that it is okay to believe in something that you don’t completely understand, especially in times of grief and devastation, whether it is scientific or not. Sometimes we just need a little bit of faith. So it was not the worst book ever, but I did expect something more from it.

8. Sea by Heidi R. Kling

This one was again my fault because I expected too much from it even though I should have had no reason to. This is a YA book set in Indonesia which I just thought was super interesting because I never read a YA book set in my home country before! It’s about a girl who accompanies her dad on a trip to Indonesia to help tsunami orphans deal with their PTSD. She is also dealing with the death of her mother so her dad thinks that this would be a good experience for her. Ultimately, the book is not about dealing with PTSD so much as it is about two teenagers falling in love. I didn’t really appreciate the romance because the main character only seemed to find the love interest interesting because he was foreign and exotic. She made some really stupid decisions and got kind of annoying and whiny towards the end. Still, the backdrop of the tsunami relief efforts was interesting and enlightening and I’m glad the author touched at least a bit on some of those themes. But ultimately, it’s really just another average YA book.

7. A Little Life by Hanya Yanagihara

Okay here is where we start to get a little controversial. This is a best-selling adult literary fiction about a group of four friends and it kinda just follows them throughout their lives from their 20s to their 50s. One of them, Jude, has an incredibly dark past though and we see his and his friends’ struggles as he tries to move beyond his traumatic past. I was told that this book would make me cry. I can see how it would I suppose but mostly, I was just disgusted by all the awful things that happened to Jude when he was a child. It was very jarring, shocking and graphic, the descriptions of what happened to him, and maybe that’s a good thing, when a book can make you feel that way. However, after a while, I just found everything kind of gratuitous because it seemed that every bad thing that could happen, happened to Jude. It didn’t seem very realistic as we uncovered more and more of his dark past. I thought his present-day struggles with his trauma were a bit more realistic, if a tad depressing. The book also seemed to be incredibly long and I really didn’t think it was necessary. I think a good third of the book could have been cut out. If I had to summarize my experience reading this book, it would be boredom (during the third where nothing was really happening) and then disgust and soul-sucking emptiness (as we learn more and more about Jude’s past), which I don’t think the author was really going for. Needless to say, this book comes with trigger warnings for abuse, rape and self-harm.

6. This is Our Story by Ashley Elston

This is a mystery novel. A group of five friends goes into the forest to go hunting but only four come out alive. Our main character is a girl who is an intern at the district attorney’s office and she investigates this mystery with her aging boss who relies on her to see all the details that he might miss. Interesting premise but the plot itself is very cliche and formulaic of many mysteries. I think I’ve read too many mystery novels and watched too many crime procedural TV shows that the plots become too predictable after a while. This is a basic crime storyline and there was nothing impressive about it at all. The big reveal at the end was no plot twist and it was also unrealistic how our main character, a high school intern, can be taken seriously when she just barges into court during a trial. Don’t even get me started on the romance in this story which was totally unnecessary, annoying, interfered with the plot, and made our main character do stupid things. Four pet peeves I have about romances in books. Overall, a disappointing mystery and nothing to rave about really.

5. The Girl on the Train by Paula Hawkins

Aha another mystery on the list. This one is crazy hyped up though and I think the hype is what makes this one more disappointing than This is Our Story. I have the same complaints about this one. It is a cliche mystery plot that is not unique and the big reveal in the end was kind of disappointing and not very plot twisty. Seemed like a regular plotline of a procedural TV show, and not even a good one. Our main character also makes all sorts of stupid decisions and I am just not here for that kind of protagonist. The movie starring Emily Blunt does look interesting though so perhaps it translates better to the screen. But the book itself is definitely not worth all the hype.

4. 172 Hours on the Moon by Johan Harstad

This book is about three teenagers who are sent to the moon by NASA in an effort to rebuild interest in the space program. But when they get to the moon, things are not all they seem to be. This is a horror novel set in space and honestly, that description alone is enough to make me pee my pants. I cannot read horror novels because I’m a coward and I also have a fear of outer space. All that vast nothingness where no one can hear you scream and where you can’t even rely on the basic laws of physics? No thank you. Given all that, you would think this book would terrify me to pieces. Nope. It was pretty boring and the writing was so GOD AWFUL. The sentences were so jarring and they didn’t flow smoothly at all that it really hindered my enjoyment of the story. Oh but the story itself was not very enjoyable either. The scary things that were happening were just glossed over that we didn’t really get to comprehend just how scary it was, and the characters were little shits too. They were not likeable and they were incredibly one-dimensional. Not an enjoyable read and it didn’t scare me at all, even though “horror novel set in space” is the easiest way to frighten me. And I’m easily frightened.

3. The Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath

Continuing the trend of shitting on popular books. This one is a classic so getting super controversial here. This book is about a woman working temporarily in New York and we sort of follow her downward spiral into... depression? I’m really not sure. We then see the kind of treatment she is getting and it’s not so great to say the least, because psychologists back then had no code of ethics. Interesting premise for me because I like reading about mental health and also, psychologist in training over here. Unfortunately, this was so incredibly boring. Nothing was happening and I honestly didn’t get the point of this story at all. Maybe I’m too stupid to understand classics or something but man, I was bored out of my mind. I just couldn’t understand how this became a classic. Maybe it was the writing but I wasn’t too impressed with that either. Overall, I kinda felt like it was a waste of my time.

2. Unteachable by Leah Raeder

So we’ve kinda reached the end of my disappointing books. The books I talked about above I didn’t actively hate but I just expected more from. I gave them all 3 stars. Now we are getting down to my 2 star reads, which I actively hate. Unteachable is about a student-teacher relationship and I’ll admit, I only read this because I just wanted something trashy to read. Still, I have standards for my trash. The relationship was fun and steamy in the beginning but then it dragged on and on and on and got so dramatic and I was just sick and tired of both of them in the end. I wanted to drown them honestly. I just wanted something fun and light to read and this took a turn for the dark and dramatic and veered into 50 Shades of Grey territory which I did not appreciate. It was really just an unhealthy relationship. This book is trash, and not the good kind.

1. Isla and the Happily Ever After by Stephanie Perkins

Speaking of unhealthy relationships and trash. This book was definitely my worst read of 2016. I actually enjoyed Anna and the French Kiss and Lola and the Boy Next Door, which are the other novels in this companion trilogy. Isla is the last one and by far the worst one. Unlike the other two, the romance in this one was insta-lovey and underdeveloped and holy shit, the characters did some really stupid things. Isla refused to accept the consequences of their stupid decisions and just became a whiny brat. I really couldn’t stand Isla. I also cannot stand high school romances where they think that this is it, that if they get through the high school drama, they will live happily ever after (that goddamn title). How about college hmm? How about work? These characters think they know so much about the world and that “love will conquer all” even though they’re only in high school. Life is hard and high school is not even the worst part so I can’t stand it when books set in high school end with the idea that the couple is going to stay together forever. That is just not how it works. Wow, I think I’m really getting too old for YA.

So there we go, we have learnt that I’m a bitter old lady and that maybe I just can’t read pure YA romances anymore. I also can’t stand it when main characters make stupid decisions. I should also really not let the hype get to me and get my expectations up too high because that’s how I end up being disappointed. Oh well, it’s still fun to look back at disappointing reads and I don’t mind having them. It just means that the good ones stand out more!

Cheers and happy reading!

#most disappointing books of 2016

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