thinkign about how alone and unloved morty was for all his life and rick was the first time anyobdy ever put such an amount of intense attention and dependency onto him . and rick had a whole new family and losing them made him stop seeing the value in other people as a whole and morty was the one and first thing that woke him up
there’s a progression in there, somewhere, of even going from ‘the master might kill me any day now :(‘ to ‘the master is going to kill me :) she’s not going to let someone else do it after all this time’
I am dying again. Someone hold me. I want to lie in bed and just rot away. I want to bash my head against a wall just so I cannot think about anything. Why is everything so overwhelming. I am tired. My soul is tired. I sleep for hours and I’m still tired. Nothing I do helps. I think I’m getting better and yet I’m always dragged back down. I’m surrounded by people who expect so much from me and no one understands I mean I barely understand. I try to journal but it doesn’t feel safe cause I’m scared someone will find it and read it. I miss the days we all connected in the internet and just made friends. I remember this one girl I met on Wattpad of all places and she understood me and she took care of me and called me kitten and the world was still shitty but at least she cared. At least she saw me. I tried messaging her a couple years ago and she might have changed her number idk but she didn’t answer. So I DMd her just in case. She didn’t answer. I’m stuck chasing that feeling of safety. When’s the last time I felt safe? I remind my self of a feral cat who once had home. Defensive and angry. Scared and trying to protect itself. My hackles are always raised. What do I look like when I’m not backed into a corner like an injured animal? I don’t even know. I’m just rambling at this point. I’m just so alone. Surrounded by people who expect me to be happy and have my life all figured out. But I’m scared and lost. And the only person who ever understood that is back in 2014. My soul aches. A constant pain. I’m lonely guys. And I don’t want to be alone anymore. I don’t think I’ve ever wanted to be alone.
this morning when i was going to school i was talking to @trainergraceneedstherapy about todays presents and i was like “it would be really, really funny if we get blackgold whitesilver and then legends:kalos. maybe we just get jebaited altogether and don’t get gen 2/5.” and we had a whole conversation about getting a legends:floette or a legends:Z or just kalos altogether because it never got sequels or additions like platinum usum etc
i added a space on our bingo cards for not getting gen 2/5 and getting legends:kalos, to which i said “(not happening)”
basically, i predict the future, dialga has blessed me, and i am FUCKING LOSING MY MIND OVER THIS IM SHAKING IM SO GODDAMN EXCITED
POKEMON Z, FINALLY.
eta: yesterday i was talking to @thebandtrashimp and i was talking about professors and my mind blanked and i forgot sycamore’s name. there is an email from me to them that says, “PROFESSOR SYCAMORE.” and nothing else and i am convinced i’m just cursed with the damn gift of prophecy
that I cannot reconcile with current/most/ALL of his comics characterization but I hold onto nevertheless
—Bruce Wayne!! trains each of his Robins with the goal of them becoming better than him.
—Bruce Wayne!! intends for the Robins to be his actual failsafe if he ever went off the deep end. (Fuck that weirdo robot lol.)
—Bruce Wayne!! 1000% blames himself for Jason Todd’s death I don’t care what the comics have had him say or what his dumbass inner-narrative has said…*handwave handwave* all of that was just him desperately trying to cover the hole in his heart from failing his son so completely.