#i cant send messages lol
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every day im wondering about my Mysterious Hater that left this reply on my pinned and has no posts on their blog. I tried to dm them but they haven't replied so either theyre ignoring me (unlikely cause i got real annoying in there LOL) or they're shadowbanned or something. tragic
#★ phantompost#Searching them only leads me to a reply on another post talking about some kind of discourse and im not about that so who even knows why#they decided to target me also. god i want to know so bad#Also tumblr straight up Will Not let me mention them in my replies. Lol#So tragic how everything aligned perfectly for them to send an Extremely Unspecific message and i cant even get an answer
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Okay. So. Update on this. It turned out to be very anticlimatic, because he did not remember anything specific, and did not directly answer any of the questions I asked.
He says in the mail that the editors cut is the first one and then it goes through directors, producers, studio and network, and they all have to approve of it, sometimes making the final cut very different to the first one. So he didn't say anything specific about 15x18 really. I sent some follow up questions, hoping he is willing to answer those too.
Tagging some of you who seemed interested:
@blanketforcas @sailorsally @sheepstiel @passiveagressivepoet @jarchaeology
Also just a reminder; him not remembering could also just mean that nothing weird or memorable happened. So, I'm not gonna read too much into it
#i woke up at 4am (like for real to get to work) and i saw the mail and it was -10 outside making my room super cold and i was literally#shaking sending a voice message to a friend my throat super hoarse cause i woke up like 30 sec ago and again. it was -10 i was shaking. but#also in excitement lol. which in turn made it all very anticlimatic haha#idk if he has an nda on all of this and cant talk about it in specifics. but i hope he answers!!
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maybe i should just be grateful he didnt full on block me everywhere
#but... does it matter when he doesnt even talk to me..#im like mentally and emotionally blocked lol#im trying so hard not to spam him w messages and get myself actually blocked#but i wanna die#i dont understand how he can just .. not care abt me#i really need to get over this but idk how#i need to start accepting that my blog is my ONLY friend#and i need to talk to my blog as i want to talk to a friend#then it wont matter anymore if ppl come and go#bc my blog will always be my best friend#i need toget ober the avpd shame of like damn i posted this and got 0 notes#bc i dont post for notes#in fact the less ppl who follow and see the better bc getting attention is scary#but im like wow if someone sees this theyll think im a loser#but i dont actually care!!!#anyway i wanna send cat pics to someone#and he doesnt wanyt my cat pics anymore#so i should like make a tag on my blog which is my real friend#and share pics of my cat whenever i want#thats good too bc then i can save it as memory on my online diary#^-^!!!#but bc of childhoos neglect i have this compulsive need to share things WITH a person#anyway i need to get over that#im sad bc i miss HIM as a person but also that i could share things w him#but yeah... whatever!!! i should be happy he hasnt blocked me. yet.... :(#and i need to be careful and not give into the urge to message him and be like umm why dont j care i miss u helloooo#bc then he willblock me and yeah i cant dealwith that :((
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just went through a bunch of AO3 comments and one person said they found my fic after reading my door discourse here, and it made me wonder...
#legally blonde#legally blonde the musical#door discourse#will anybody see this or vote in this? i have absolutely no idea#but i do know that i have reputations in exactly two fandoms: lb the musical and slm#so i'm just vaguely curious just in case anyone will answer 😂#LOL I CANT SEE REAULRS OF NY OWN POLL INLESS I COTE N IT 😂#someone send me a message and tell me how the results are looking 😂
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well. update for the quintenary stars folks.
my friend just passed away irl and I don't really know when I'll be able to write again. it might be a week. it might be a month. it might be six. I don't know and I wanted to give y'all a heads up that the next update will probably be delayed indefinitely. I love u guys and I appreciate all the support and engagement qs has gotten so far and I hope I'll be able to come back to it soon 💚🤍🖤
#i was actually writing when i got the call lol#im still in shock i think. it hasnt really sunk in yet. so i cant give y'all a real estimate on anything#but i just wanted to let y'all know#idk how active ill be on tumblr/discord either#from this point forward if u dm me or send me a message or something on either platform#and i dont respond for a bit its not personal i swear i just. need a minute.#i love u guys fr fr 💚🤍🖤#winter speaks#personal#quintenary stars series#tw death
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#thinkinn abt changing my name#i have thought about it for 3yrs#but honestly.... last year i got so sidetracked and everything in my life fell away#its just that i dont fkn care abt anything#but being in love and filling my life with that#was what happened bc it is what i need and want lol#but now im like ok... back into the empty hollow of my so called life#my id card expires in mid november#so i have to send the application for name change now if i wanna do it#the thing is...#im attached to this name in english#it is nice sounding in english yeah. but in swedish is sounds like absolute garbage#i like the other name i've thought abt changing to foryears. it was what my mom was originally gonna call me#it soyunds better in swedish too#but tbh im also attached to it bc...#idk... feeling like her (that name) with him felt right and sounded right#and i loved that name in his mouth and him calling me that and it was nice and i couldve lived in that forever#but now thats gone#and tbh i cannot stay there all alone while he is gone and had left and is w someone else#i cant like not change my name simply bc it is painful that i will never hear him call me my new name#and i really did feelcomfortable inthat name and being her with him#but im never even gonna hear his voice again#am i just gonna listen to his old voice messages and cry and enjoy him calling me my name#while he has left and is in lobve with someone else#and is calling her HER name. no. i cant#i wanna cry just thinking abt that. i dont wanna let him or us go#but he made that choice for me and i cannot do anything abt it#no matter how fkn bad it hurts. how much i dont want to#im gonna have to move on and live my boring empty ass life without him lol#so yeah.. i should change my name
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🍓
#umm he couldnt even be bothered to react to my messages with emojis?!?!?#like he said that he isnt up for talking and i respect that#i asked him if it's still ok for me to message him and he said 'ofc'#so i did.... i had to push myself bc im feeling like he hates me and doesnt wanna hear from me#all of my disorders saying that haha#so i pushed myself to message him when i wanted to#but.... ok i didnt expect him to reply#but he read it and didnt even give me an emoji#im aware that i sound crazy#this is just how im FEELING#i feel stupid and ashamed for thinking he even wants to listen to me yap about nonsense#i hate myself for being so stupid and sending him pics and a video of the crow i saw#like shut up dumb bitch nobody cares!!!!!!!! shut up#no wonder he cant be in love with me#im pathetic and stupid#his ex that he actually loves is probably smart and witty and cool#and would never be such a fkn loser like i an#am*#god... genuinely hate myself#why dont i know how to shut up??#definitely wont be messaging him anymore now jesus christ im so embarrassing#im still hurt tho like couldnt he at least have reacted with an emoji#is that too much to ask for......#i mean listen in any relationship#where u have disorders.. communication and BOTH ppl making an effort is needed#the only way our 'friendship' is even working is bc im just allowing him to do whatever#and im just dealing with the emotional suffering lol#he doesnt even make an effort to reassure me or anything#so yes i cant force him or ask anything of him. but i FEEL hurt by how im not worthy of anything to him#while im over here allowing him to hurt me constantly sksksk
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does anyone wanna talk about limbus ocs. i wanna talk about limbus ocs
#cog posts#pspspspspspspsps#i cant actually send messages from this blog bc it is only a sideblog which i regret every damn day#bc i wanna TALK W YALL... PSPSPSPS#proj moon oc#limbus company oc#not using the main tags bc im worried looking like im spamming LOL
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ok i gotta turn off friend requests on discord again im getting annoyed once more. mutuals last call to send one until i turn it back on :-)
#<- markiplier#txt#i think a lot of my mutuals have me added but if u ever need to grab me for something its the best way to make sure i actually see it#LOL . even then . i tend to read messages and then fall asleep and forget to respond#all i can say is: my bad.#anywyas kids on discord love sending m#e friend requests. i dont know how they cant tell im not actually markiplier. but
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if someone were to think you were kind of cute and wanted to hit you up in a flirty no strings attached kind of way. could they dm you. theoretically. in minecraft. of course
hmmm i dont thingk so... so far i've only done that kind of thing with one friend and the circumstances/factors aligned perfectly LOL
#smunk mail#Anonymous#like we didnt meet under that intent specifically...ykwim#not used to messaging solely for that...i cldnt do that with just anyone how can i trust u LOL#if im being honest i cant even fully participate even with a close friend#and when i was in a relationship i was shamed when i finally got the courage to send risque messages#so i dont think that cld happen with anyone i didnt have some sort of romantic soul bond with at this point in time
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he still hasn't replied and it's making me wanna die so bad tbh
#i sent another message yesterday... just to be like..#pls im dying pls just say smth T-T but yeah if he doesn't care i can't force him i know#but it hurts so bad idk#we were talking and everything was fine then suddenly he just unfollowed me without talking to me about it#and then just.. did not wanna talk. and then just dont reply#and i...... like genuinely feel like i got my heart ripped out of my chest#one day we were talking and friends and everything was ok then the next day it's all gone#and i feel like i cant breathe lol#and it sucks that if he cared he would send a message to reassure me or talk to me but he doesnt care#and i have to accept that#even if i wanna talk and be friends i cant make him want that too#i know that#it still hurts so bad tho
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talk to me
#im working from home today just waiting for my boss to send me a document#and i....cant do much today without it lol so im just??? reviewing some satellite designs for lack of anything#actively productive to do.#send me messages abt tpg or jjk or anything actually. HI
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#coming to tumblr for the first time in three days just to bitch because i feel like shit <333#sorry if i havent responded to your message i will as soon as i get a grip but rn im just too busy#both with uni and with crying because a friend said a mean thing to me lol#and because im tired of this new friendship already and tired of hearing this girl talking how great she is lol#am i jealous? fuck yeah i am.#and it's not like she's mean like straight up. cause like.#when i say im really considering quitting and dropping out she tries to encourage me ig#but then she follows it up with 'ofc *I* never had a problem with this and that because it always just came naturally to me teehee#but yknow. dont give up uwu'#and she keeps sending me recordings of her singing to tell her how good she is and always tells me how her teacher praises her#and like. its cool. like i get it that its a nice feeling when you do something well and wanna share that joy with a friend#but idk. i just think its kinda. well not mean but a litt#*a little tone deaf? when ive just been telling her that im in a Bad Place rn and my voice isnt working as it should#and my pianist is bullying me and i end up crying on almost every lesson#and she hits me with a 'damn that sucks fuck that pianist dont give up tho <3#now do you wanna listen to me sing bel raggio lusinghier like a pro and my professor telling me i am sublime?'#also when i tell her that im sorry that im not very social and i just cannot stay and chat cause im having a horrible day today#and really dont feel well and she's like 'yeah i havent noticed anything you're always like that... *side eye*' in a way that suggests#im a horrible friend cause im not talking with her enough and yet again im disappointing her (aint that familiar lol)#i just. idk. the last two-three weeks have been absolutely horrible to me. i cant get out of bed i havent done a single colorful make up#in so long ive basically forgotten how to do that. and i loved doing fun make up looks that make people tell me i look like a clown.#but i just dont have the energy to do anything more than put on a random tshirt and spray dry shampoo on my unwashed hair#i dont even wear my rings anymore. ive stopped caring about being the pinkest slayest queerest looking bitch in the room cause i just. cant#and even some casual friend of mine asked me yesterday if im okay cause they can see something is Not Right. but SHE not only doesnt notice#anything. i have a feeling she feels like im disappoing and neglecting her because i cant be bothered to text with her 24/7#like idk. maybe its just my imagination but i barely even feel like an actual person. more like just a homunculus made to trail after her#and listen to her bragging about how pretty/talented/unbothered she is#oh and also for her to keep dissing m/ozart lol like idk why it hurts me so bad but then ig its not that unusual to feel shitty#when someone keeps talking shit about something you really love and are passionate about and making you feel like an idiot#because you like it. because its stupid and boring and you're a simpleton for enjoying it instead of liking sth more 'ambitious'
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okay so hinge is evil because they put ur messages behind a paywall and im absolutely Nawt giving them my fucking money but also my profile question is "which is the best: kh2, DDD, or BBS" and all it shows me of the replies is this and I NEED to know what this fkn clown man had to say!!! what is ur hot take Jeremiah!!! hinge let him cook!!!!
#jack.speaks#this app is actually literally unuable unless u upgrade#it's so stupid and this made me so mad i fully uninstalled it LOL#like i literally cant even see rhe messages ppl send me unless i pay money???? what the fuck bruh
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ik the point of that anon ask like a day? two days ago (idk what day it is o 7 o) was not to respond but whoever sent that 'letter' ish you stole my heart and i'd buy you a bouquet if i could with your favorite flowers
#i love letters !!!#i love sending my friends letters ;; v ;;#i wonder if i should do some for christmas#if this exam doesnt get pushed back like i hope#im actually getting a two week holiday by accident LOL#so itd be cool to actually use the time to do some things for friends ;; v ;;#anyways i think about that message a lot it was honestly really sweet and aldksjfah i didnt think i was capable of making others feel that#*way laksjdfhlkjh#snow speaks#i cant words properly with like how much it means to me its more im just happy if im able to make you feel a little more like yourself!!#or that youre able to feel a little lighter#youre probably a close friend tbh and i wont say who bc i dont want to be wrong and make myself look like a fool#but ;; v ;; if you feel lighter or more like yourself then thats what you deserve!#anyways i tried to not respond to the message but i just love it a lot slkdjfahlh#OH YEAH I NEED TO RETAG ALL THAT#for when im down ! and then i can go read those and go ; v ;
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i press "keep reading" and first thing i read "i dont think kalpas washes his feet" and i had to stop for a minute because that was not what i was expecting HSKSNWKDJWJSOQ 😭😭
heart of stone reader is one of my favorite versions of reader actually so i just screamed when you mentioned that like AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA (other than silent sniper, heart of stone heart of fire is my 2nd most read fic of you actually)
imagine being a MOTH and seeing reader drag Kalpas by the ankle while you're walking in the hallway like 😭
also i absolutely love the trio™ emile, sakura and reader in despair once they realized kalpas doesnt wash his feet 😭 sakura frowning at her salad and emile just having a crisis while holding his head in his hands SENT ME HSJDNEKDKWOS
kinda unrelated but i found this lying around in my gallery and this is basically the plot of heart of stone heart of fire
- herrscher anon✨✨
HELLLOOOOOOOO
in my mind I was like "haha funny cold open" but I know what's coming up and you guys just get slapped in the face, my b lmao
I am definitely a little biased towards the engineer/mechanic reader but heart of stone reader has like the most comedic potential I think but also all readers have a special place in my heart shhhh also silent sniper and heart of stone are probably the most similar to each other? both deserve more love lol
imagine being a MOTH and thinking the most dangerous thing you'll ever see is a Herrscher but then you see reader and Kalpas in the hall together and realize that, no, this is definitely worse. you are living with two people who each are more of a threat to humanity than honkai. and they are trying to kill each other. maybe it's time for a career change....
Emile Sakura and reader all having a crisis, but reader just is sitting there normally, Sakura is 😐 and Emile is in fucking tears I love this man but I keep making him miserable lmao
ALSO KALPAS WITH THOSE TEXTS!!!! 100000% he sends those and reader is like ???? "what do you mean?" and he's like "YOUR BLOODLUST" and readers like "oh. oh yeah, it's right over there" *points at aponia*
#herrscher anon!! 🧡🧡#almost late to work because i was cackling at this lol#kalpas has one of those Nokia's that cant break#because otherwise he would break it#sakura and emile got it for his birthday#that or he just has reader send messages for him on their phon#because there is no way in hell this man does not lose and/or break his phone immediately#imagine how fucking cracked the screen would be 💀#that is enough rambling im sorry lol
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