#we were talking and everything was fine then suddenly he just unfollowed me without talking to me about it

[skunkg1rll]

he still hasn't replied and it's making me wanna die so bad tbh

[a-writer]

Driver’s License - c.b.

Of course i needed to write something inspired in driver’s license cause i can’t stop thinking about it! Hope you enjoy xx

Colby Brock x reader

Warnings: angst, sad

I got my driver's license last week

Just like we always talked about

'Cause you were so excited for me

To finally drive up to your house

But today I drove through the suburbs

Crying 'cause you weren't around

You still remember the day you met Colby. It was spring and the sun was shining bright. You were having a very nice day, until your best friend convinced you to drive her car, even though you didn’t have your driver's license yet.

“C’mon, just to practice!”

You agreed. Dumb decision. You were doing fine until, accidentally, you crashed into another car. A red, old toyota. Both you and your best friend were okay, it was a very small crash, a little bump on the side. Neither one of you knew what to do and then someone knocked on your window. You completely froze when you saw a pair of beautiful blue eyes staring at you angrily.  Long story short, you ended up crying your ass off begging him not to call the police because you were driving without a license. He seemed angry at first, but surprisingly he agreed not to call the police on you and just asked you one thing in return for your accident: your number.

One month later, Colby and you were dating and were the happiest couple. You never got your driver's license. You don’t remember when things started to go wrong, you just remember how Colby started to avoid you. He didn’t call, didn’t text. You finally confronted him, asked him if he was cheating and he completely denied it. But he said he needed some time. He promised you two would get back together, because he loved you. But he said he needed to get off his mind and put his priorities in order. It hurted like hell. But you accepted, cause you were going to be back together, right?

After nine months of love, you’re alone in your room. You finally got your driver’s license and you immediately thought about him. Colby used to tease you all the time and now he wasn’t around anymore.

And you're probably with that blonde girl

Who always made me doubt

She's so much older than me

She's everything I'm insecure about

Yeah, today I drove through the suburbs

'Cause how could I ever love someone else?

You saw all the posts and stories on instagram. You saw Colby next to that blonde girl all the time. And it hurt to know that the girl you spent all your relationship worried about was where you used to be. You feel a pain in your chest just thinking about it, how his arms are hugging her, his lips are kissing her, his mouth is saying her name, his hands are holding her hands. You know you can’t blame her, but it is so difficult.

You try not to think about it too much, but social media keeps reminding you of the adventures they are living together. Your head tells you to stop looking and overthinking, tells you to stop loving him because he lied. But your heart just wishes for one more taste of his lips. And you know that you just can’t move on, not for now, cause the love you feel for him is just too much.

And I know we weren't perfect, but I've never felt this way for no one

And I just can't imagine how you could be so okay now that I'm gone

Guess you didn't mean what you wrote in that song about me

'Cause you said forever, now I drive alone past your street

On your first date after the car accident, Colby took you to an amazing viewpoint where you could see all the silhouettes of the buildings in LA. It was beautiful, but you don’t remember the view that much. You just remember his blue eyes staring deeply in your soul and how much you wanted to kiss him, even though you didn’t know him that well. But you both wanted it so bad, it ended up happening. Things with Colby went so fast, it seemed unbelievable. But you felt like you had been friends for years.

It was impossible not to love him, even through your ups and downs. You fought, like all couples do. Especially because of the pressure of the fans, but you always got through it. Now you were completely broken, to the point that you even missed the fights. He seemed fine, at least that’s the image that you got from looking on his instagram.

You never told anyone, but the first day you got your driver’s license you drove up to his house at night. You cried until there were no tears left and then your heart turned black and cold, and even though you still loved him to death, you started to feel an anger towards him building inside of you.

He lied, he said he loved you, he said he would come back to you. The wind took the words away and he left you alone.

And all my friends are tired

Of hearing how much I miss you, but

I kinda feel sorry for them

'Cause they'll never know you the way that I do

Yeah, today I drove through the suburbs

And pictured I was driving home to you

You still talked to Sam sometimes, but you started to lose the relationship with him too. Katrina would still check up on you sometimes and you tried to not make it super obvious how much you wanted to know about Colby, but she knew. You could feel how sorry she felt for you and how bad she didn’t want you to ask for him, but it seemed like the only thing you could talk about was Colby. He was not your business, and both you and Kat knew that. Still, she always tried to be nice, she told you how she thought he was super sad. But deep down, you knew it was a lie to make you feel better.

And I know we weren't perfect, but I've never felt this way for no one, oh

And I just can't imagine how you could be so okay now that I'm gone

I guess you didn't mean what you wrote in that song about me

'Cause you said forever, now I drive alone past your street

You knew too well. He was enjoying life with that blonde girl. He was happy without you and that was what hurt the most. You tried so hard to hate him, but it was impossible. Your heart belonged to him, it had his name tattooed with fire.

You wanted to reverse the situation and you went on dates with other guys. But you couldn’t stop comparing them to Colby, searching for all the flaws they had that Colby didn’t, thinking about how Colby did everything better. You felt like you were going crazy, that you would never get over him, so you unfollowed him on instagram and twitter, you removed his number from your phone and all your photos together. You threw away every little thing that reminded you of him in your house and you decided to start a new life.

Red lights, stop signs

I still see your face in the white cars, front yards

Can't drive past the places we used to go to

'Cause I still fucking love you, babe

It had been five months since Colby asked you to give him some time. You knew he was a 100% with the blonde girl and you still had a hard time understanding how he could do it so fast. For the first time in those five months, you decided to go to this little grocery shop where they sold italian products that you always used to go to together.

You just wanted to make a good pizza, but the universe had other plans for you, because while you were looking for your favourite type of cheese, a familiar voice called your name. You froze in the spot, you recognized it immediately. The voice called your name again and you turned around. There he was, standing right in front of you with a shy smile and his damned blue eyes staring deep into your soul.

“(Y/N), hi. It’s been quite some time.” His voice sounded the same and you couldn’t avoid the butterflies you felt on your stomach.

“Hey, Colby.” Your voice sounded more high pitched than how you’d like.

“You look good”. Your cheeks turned red when the word left his mouth and he smirked.

“You too.” An awkward silence arose between the two of you. “I’ve gotta go.”

You tried to walk away but his hand grabbed your arm and you turned to look at him surprised.

“I’m sorry” He blurted out the words without thinking.

You looked down, your eyes filling with water. Taking a deep breath, you looked back at him, holding onto your strength.

“Me too, Colby.” It physically pained you to say his name again and you could see the sadness in his eyes, too.

You tried to run away, but his hand was still holding your arm. You mentally kicked yourself for coming here, you should have stayed home and ordered a pizza. It would have been way better than this. You tried to speak again, but suddenly you felt a pair of lips on yours. You were surprised at first, but the feeling was so familiar that you couldn’t help melt into the kiss.

After five months, feeling Colby’s hands on your body felt heavenly. He kissed every inch of your skin and whispered sweet nothings into your ear. The feeling of him on top of you, the feeling of him inside of you, felt so good that it was almost like a dream. You went to sleep with his arms around you, hugging you tightly, and it felt like home.

You woke up alone. At first you thought it was impossible. You could still smell his cologne, but his side of the bed was cold. You couldn’t help but laugh at yourself. Of course this was going to happen, of course he saw the opportunity to fuck you and used you. You ended up spending the whole day crying in your bed, the feeling of his hands caressing you still present.

He lied to you twice. He saw that you were vulnerable and took advantage of that. He said how much he’d miss you, how much he’d wanted you and then he left without saying anything. And after all that, you still loved him.

Sidewalks we crossed

I still hear your voice in the traffic

We're laughing over all the noise

God, I'm so blue, know we're through

But I still fucking love you, babe

It had been one month since that night. You cut off everyone that had to do something with Colby from your life, even Kat. It hurt you, but you knew you needed to do it. Now you were okay. At least better. A part of you still loved him, but everyday a little less.

You were aware that Kat tried to get in contact with you, but you never responded. And you knew that eventually she would understand. She sent you direct messages in all your social media begging to answer her calls, to talk to her. One night you did.

“(Y/N)? Omg, finally!! I missed you, i’m so sorry”. Kat sounded desperate.

“Kat, it’s okay. I’m sorry I cut you off… I just needed some time.”

“I completely get that, just please don’t do it again.” You laughed at her words. “(Y/N)... I actually wanted to call you because I’m worried. Sam is too.” You did not respond, you already knew who she was talking about.

There were some seconds of silence and Kat took that as a sign to keep speaking.

“It’s Colby.” Well, duh. “We’re worried about him. You saw him, right? Like a month ago?”

“Yes” Your voice was quiet, but Kat could hear you perfectly.

“I knew it. Look, I don’t know what happened, but I can imagine. He’s been a mess ever since. Sam told me that he came home at like seven in the morning and immediately sent a text to…” Kat stopped.

“You can say it.”

“To her girlfriend at the time.” You felt your chest tighten but you ignored it. “He broke up with her. I think it was because whatever happened with you that night. The thing is that he has spent most of the last month alone in his room. When he’s out he’s always drunk and he’s not taking anything seriously. Not even his job, (Y/N). We’re worried about him.”

“Kat, I… I understand that you’re worried, but that’s not my business anymore. He lied to me, he used me and then he never talked to me again. I get it, he’s having a hard time. But I’ve been suffering because of him during all these past months. I’m sorry, but I don’t think I can do anything about it. I’m sorry, Kat.”

Before she could say another word, you hung up.

I know we weren't perfect, but I've never felt this way for no one

And I just can't imagine how you could be so okay now that I'm gone

'Cause you didn't mean what you wrote in that song about me

'Cause you said forever, now I drive alone past your street

Yeah, you said forever, now I drive alone past your street

You couldn’t stop thinking about the conversation with Kat. It had been a month when she texted you inviting you over to a party. You declined the invitation, but she told you that Colby was much better and that he agreed on not even talking to you if you didn’t want to. You still said no. Kat begged you, she offered to be by your side during the whole night. She said she was missing you too much. Finally, you gave up.

When you arrived the party was already started, the music blasting and people dancing. Kat was waiting for you on the door, she grabbed you by the arm and she promised that she wouldn’t leave your side. You smiled politely and took the shot she offered you.

Hours passed by and you had to go to the bathroom. Sam offered you to go to the one in his room and you agreed. Going up the stairs the music turned lower and you breathed deeply, already kinda tired. You were about to go into Sam’s room when you heard the door behind you opening. You froze, what a surprise.

“(Y/N)?” That. fucking. voice.

You turned around with your best smile plastered on your face.

“Hello, Colby.”

“How are you?” You didn’t respond, the room filling with awkward silence, one more time. “I actually wanted to tell you that I’m really so-”

You cut him off.

“Save it, Colby.” He seemed surprised. “I’m done with your bullshit. In fact, I’m done with you. You hurt me and I’m just trying to heal and live my life. So please, leave me alone.” You tried to leave quickly.

“(Y/N), wait!” He grabbed your arm and you kept having flashbacks to the last time you found yourself in this position. “I’m sorry, okay. I know I fucked us up. But you can’t tell me that bullshit.” Your eyes widened.

“Excuse me?”

“C’mon, (Y/N).” His face was inches away from you and you could smell the alcohol on his mouth. “You’re really going to tell me that you didn’t come to this party expecting to bump into me? You’re going to tell me that right now you’re not dying to kiss me?”

You wanted to kiss him. You wanted to kiss him badly. But that was not an option, not tonight.

“Fuck you, Colby.”

You slapped his hand away from your body and ran downstairs. You went to your car directly and drove home. You couldn’t help the tears coming down your face when you arrived home. He was an asshole, a liar and an egotistical fuck.

And the saddest thing was that you were still completely in love with him.

[pengychan]

[Coco] Mind the Gap, Pt. 23

Title: Mind the Gap Summary: Modern Day AU. Tired of Ernesto’s snide remarks, Imelda decides to put him in his place and her husband is more than happy to help. It was supposed to be a one-night deal. Things quickly get out of hand. [OT3, mostly porn and humor. Plenty of instances of Ernesto being Dramatic, Imelda getting Sick Of His Shit, and Héctor trying to be the peacekeeper. Don’t expect anything serious.] Pairings: Ernesto/Héctor/Imelda Rating: Explicit.

Art by @swanpit​.

[All chapters are tagged as ‘mind the gap’ on my blog.]

A/N: Long overdue make-up sex? Long overdue make-up sex. Only the epilogue left before this is all wrapped up!

***

“... I need water.”

“Seconded.”

“Thirded.”

Silence. Some shuffling.

“Well, who’s going?”

“I’m not. I went and got Coco back to sleep when she cried. Did my part.”

“I am not getting off this couch.”

“If you make me go, I’m only getting water for myself.”

“I hate you both.”

“No, you don’t.”

“Uugh. No, I don’t.” Ernesto groans, rubbing his eyes before dropping his head back against the couch’s backrest. He grimaces towards the kitchen. “What time is it, anyway?”

“Three in the morning.”

“What! Where has the evening gone!”

“Where has the entire day gone, we began discussing this over lunch,” Héctor mutters, laying upside-down with his legs over the backrest.

He is not wrong, really: they have quite literally spent half a day and much of the night discussing where to go from there. They talked through lunch, through the afternoon with Coco passing from one set of arms to another whenever she was not napping, talked while Héctor changed her diapers with a frequency Ernesto found frankly concerning given the child’s small size. They took a brief break from talking while walking their dogs - best to be careful with their words outside - and feeding Coco respectively. 

More talking ensued as they put Coco in her playpen to watch a cartoon, as they cooked dinner, as they ate it, as Coco fell asleep cuddled up to Pepita while the dogs watched with envy from outside the playpen, with Dante having finally learned that trying to jump in would spell disaster. 

They discussed everything they could possibly discuss - their arrangement, how it could work going forward, whether to tell Coco, what to tell Coco once she was old enough, how to keep it private business without having to actively hide, what family members could be told and what family members could never - coming to the agreement Imelda’s brothers were probably the only ones who could be trusted, at the moment, to possibly know if it came to it.

“I never thought I’d see the day I had to say they can be trusted over our father,” Imelda said as she disappeared to put a very sleepy Coco in her crib, and Héctor and Ernesto were still snickering at the idea when she came back. They sat on the couch with a drink, resumed talking, and never stopped except for the time Coco began crying and had to be soothed by a very concerned Héctor.

Until, of course, exhaustion and thirst caught up with them at three in the damn morning. 

“So, I’m going to be the waiter from now on,” Ernesto mutters, just a little dramatically, as he finally gets off the couch to fetch everyone some water. He guzzles down a glass, fills two more, and brings them back. Héctor and Imelda drink just as greedily while he flops back down on the couch, exhausted and honestly still absolutely stunned.

“... This is-- is this really happening?” he finds himself asking, very quietly. Part of him fears this is all a dream, that he will wake up alone in his bed to find none of this has really transpired. The other two pause, look back down at him - and maybe Ernesto let something vulnerable show a bit too much, because suddenly they’re both leaning down with the clear intention of giving him a kiss. Exactly at the same time. 

With predictable results. 

Bonk.

“Ow!” Imelda yelps, wincing back.

“Agh! Oh God, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean--” Héctor frets. Imelda just slaps a hand over her mouth to stifle laughter, which just comes out of her nose with a honking sound. Ernesto just laughs, his own head unscathed but oddly light. Yes, this is happening. He couldn't have dreamed up something so stupid if he’d tried. 

It is happening, he thinks. We’re giving this a chance, he thinks. For the love of God don’t fuck it up, he tells himself, but says none of those things aloud. He just laughs until he has to catch his breath and it dies down in a snicker. That’s when Imelda leans down to kiss him briefly, this time without bumping her head against Héctor’s.

“I think that means we’re officially too tired to function,” she says. “Let’s go to bed.”

Ah. Right. It is three in the morning. Ernesto clears his throat and sits up. “Of course-- I’ll drop by after lunch, then, so we can go rehearse--”

Imelda pinches his earlobe. “Who said anything about you leaving?” she asks, an eyebrow raised. Ernesto’s words die in his throat. 

Right. Yes. This is happening.

Not that anything physical is going to happen just yet. They are all much too tired to do anything other than shuffling into the bedroom as quietly as they can - “whoever wakes her up has to calm her down”, Imelda threatens - and changing their night clothes - it is odd, finding one of his nightshirts still in their closet, washed and neatly folded - before they flop on the bed. 

At least, Ernesto and Héctor flop down on it. Imelda is decidedly more dignified, and leans down between them. Héctor pulls her close, and immediately holds out the other arm for Ernesto with a grin. Part of him is still wondering if he’s dreaming this, really, but when he slides closer, leaning against Imelda’s body with Héctor’s arm around him, again he knows he will not awaken alone after all. He smiles. 

“Your arms are freakishly long,” he mutters, very romantically, causing Héctor to snort. 

“Oh, thanks, amigo,” he mutters, but his hand keeps resting on Ernesto’s side. “Don’t hear you complain when I give the best hugs ever given.”

“That’s debatable, who decided it is you to give--”

“I said--” Imelda cuts him off, then yawns. Loudly, and without bothering to put up a hand against her mouth. “Sleep,” she mumbled, settling her head back down, forehead against Héctor’s chest and one hand resting on Ernesto’s forearm around her waist. It’s not clear whether it’s an order or just a declaration of what she’s about to do, but they do take it as an order. 

They are, after all, exhausted. There will be time to marvel over getting all of this back in the morning; for now, Ernesto leans down his head, closes his eyes, and sleeps basking in their warmth.

***

***

They get to sleep a grand total of two hours and a half before they awaken to a chorus of wailing, barking, yapping and yowling. It’s hard to tell what started first - Ernesto apparently would put money on the wailing, though Imelda is ready to counter-bet a chihuahua yapped first  - but the fact stays, someone needs to go put an end to it before half the condo is at the door with murderous intentions.

Thankfully, Héctor is out of bed almost immediately. He’s still sleepy and misses the door the first time, hitting the wall before stumbling out with a murmured ‘I’m fine’ to go make sure no horrid monster has attacked Coco in her crib. In his haste he leaves the door open, and two chihuahuas as well as the cat rush in, with the small dogs yapping and trying without success to jump up on the bed. 

The other two as well as Dante clearly decided to stay behind and watch Héctor’s baby-soothing operation. Imelda stifles a yawn, bringing a hand up to her mouth. “Those dogs are not allowed on the bed,” she says the instant Ernesto moves to pick them up, just as Pepita jumps to settle down next to her head.

Ernesto scowls. “That’s favoritism,” he points out, and a little monster yaps as though to agree. One of them whines, clearly trying to move her into relenting. Imelda remains entirely unmoved. 

“Pepita is clean,” she replies, reaching over to scratch Pepita behind the ears. Her green eyes, fixed on Ernesto, narrow. Hard to tell whether it is in pleasure for the ear scratch or in displeasure for the man back on her owners’ bed, but if it’s the latter, she will have to get used to it.

Ernesto makes a face. “I can’t imagine it’s hygienic.”

“She grooms herself for hours on end--” 

“With her it tongue, that’s not cleaning a thing--”

“Well, it’s more than dogs do. I have only ever seen them use their dogs only ever use their tongues to lick--”

“They’re clean! I bathe them every week!“

Imelda blinks. In the next room over, Coco’s wails are quieting down. “... You do?” 

“With a very expensive dog shampoo, too. I advertised it on my Instagram account - I mean, their Instagram account. Didn’t you see?”

Ah. That. “I think I unfollowed both when we-- broke things off,” Imelda admits, causing Ernesto to frown. “It stung,” she adds quickly. “Seeing you.”

“Ah.” He clears his throat. “Well, I-- I haven’t been posting a lot, so you haven’t missed much. Should get back to it. I think the dogs have more followers than I do at this point.”

“Well, they are cute. I suppose,” Imelda concedes. Pepita jumps off the bed, clearly satisfied with her dose of scritches, and is followed outside by both chihuahuas. Imelda props herself up on her elbow. “You should try with shirtless photos,”she adds. It’s mostly meant as a joke, but Ernesto is clearly considering it. 

“I already posted plenty. And a couple where I was only wearing a--”

“I mean, more shirtless photos,” Imelda rectifies, very much aware of what photos he is referring to. Unlike Héctor, whose social media accounts are bereft of any sign of life aside for the occasional photo of a guitar, a music sheet, or Imelda going over his latest work, Ernesto is very much active and not precisely trying to disguise the fact his sexuality is ‘yes’.

“I guess I could take a trip to the beach for a few more shots, after we’re back from Santa Cecilia...” he muses, and Imelda is about to ask if they’re meant to join him for that trip to the beach when Héctor walks back in, a triumphant grin on his face and phone in hand.

“She’s sleeping! Look!” he whisper-exclaims, and gets right back in bed between them before he proceeds to show them thirty identical photos of Coco sleeping. “Isn’t she the most beautiful little girl?”

“She is,” Imelda agrees with a small grin, leaning her chin on Héctor’s shoulder. “Not that I’m biased or anything.”

Ernesto scoffs. “You absolutely are.”

“Not everyone is your mamá, Ernesto,” Héctor snickers, elbowing him. “Telling everyone within earshot how handsome you were going to be once you shed your baby fat.”

“Well she was right, I did turn out-- what! She never said that, pendejo!” He huffs, giving Héctor’s shoulder a shove that almost sends him flying off the bed. He laughs it off, flopping back down. 

“She did too, Ernestito! Heard with my own ears!”

“Mph. Your stupid elephant ears.”

Héctor’s expression turns coy. “Ah, what can I say, it’s my cross to bear. Much like a dick a couple of inches longer than yours…”

“It’s not, Héctor!”

“Is too! We checked with Imelda’s measuring tape, remember?”

“... You did what with my measuring tape now?”

“We had a disagreement to settle, mi amor.”

“And we found it’s-- maybe an inch longer! At most! And mine is thicker, too!”

“Oh no, it was longer than that. Need me to refresh your memory?”

“We can arrange that, if you let me catch another couple of hours of sleep,” Imelda mutters, causing the squabble to die down. There is some grumbling, a few more shoves, but soon enough they’re all settled to sleep again, basking in the warmth and enjoying blissful silence.

For another fifty minutes.

***

“Oh my God!”

“Gah!”

“Wha--??”

Héctor barely catches himself before he falls off the bed, flailing his arms and only narrowly missing Imelda’s face. He reaches to turn on the bedside lamp, and sits up to look over to the other side of the bed where Ernesto is sitting upright, hair tousled, a horrified expression on his face as though he just awakened from the worst nightmare a human mind can conceive. 

“Ernesto? What is it?” Imelda is asking, concern plain in her voice. She puts a hand on Ernesto’s forearm and he looks back at them, eyes wide and skin ashen. 

“Oh my God, ” he repeats. “My mother has seen my Instagram.”

Ah, Héctor thinks. 

“Ah,” he says, mind already wandering to some photos that are probably not meant for the eyes of one’s own mother. 

“Oh,” Imelda repeats, clearly thinking the same. 

They succeed in staying serious for almost five seconds before Héctor cracks, and Imelda is quick to follow. 

“Pffft…”

“Heh…”

“She has been looking up my account for ages-- she even mentioned it, I had forgotten-- what if my father-- stop laughing!” his voice comes out a whine, and it’s what entirely undoes them. “This is serious! Stop laughing! I’ll have to look her in the eye when we go back for Coco’s christening! I-- uuugh!” Ernesto lets himself drop back on the pillow with a groan, covering his face with an arm. “I hate you both.”

“No, you do not.” Héctor grins down at him and, while Ernesto scoffs, he fails to say otherwise. 

“If she brings it up, I will dig myself a grave and crawl in it.”

Imelda snickers, leaning across his chest. “If they’re that terrible I don’t think she’ll want to bring them up.”

He pulls his arm off his eyes, frowning a little. “Not that I’m naked in those photos, I’m not an idiot, but I--” he trails off with a sudden intake of breath when Imelda’s hand slips beneath his nightshirt, across his chest. Héctor sits back a moment, watching them - Imelda’s tousled hair and the strap of the nightgown falling off her shoulder, the way Ernesto arches a little at her touch. 

It’s not the most alluring sight he’s ever laid his eyes on, but it comes pretty close - and it hits him suddenly, the realization that they have this again. It leaves a lump in his throat and a dumb smile spreading on his face while he watches Imelda lean in and kiss Ernesto’s lips. When they break apart, Ernesto’s breathing is quicker and his eyes wide. 

Imelda grins, and tugs at his nightshirt. “Since we clearly are getting no more sleep this morning, would you mind getting this out of the way and let me take your mind off your mother going through embarrassing Instagram photos?”

Ernesto is sitting up and pulling the shirt up over his head before she’s even done speaking, but he doesn’t get to take it off - not before Héctor moves suddenly to pull them both in his arms, and squeeze tight. 

“Agh!”

“What the--”

“Really?”

“And here I was trying to be seductive,” Imelda mutters, face pressed against Héctor’s chest.

“It was a very good effort,” Ernesto informs her, head still tangled in the shirt. 

“Thanks.”

“Unfortunately, you married an idiot.”

“Oh, like you didn’t stick to the idiot long before I got him to put a ring on it.”

“What can I say, I felt bad for him.”

“... You guys realize I can hear you, right?”

“No doubt you can, with those ears,” Ernesto mutters, voice still muffled by the shirt wrapped around his head. “Can you let me go now?”

“Do I have to?”

“If you want us to get anything done before Coco needs breakfast, yes,” Imelda says against his chest. “Now, if you’d let go and fetch the lube and condoms…” she adds, and Héctor is off them and across the room so fast he almost topples on the floor. 

With most of his blood flow already getting redirected in his nether regions, Ernesto’s power of thought may not be at his highest. However, as he gets the shirt off his head and throws it off the side of the bed, he does pause a moment to think. Or try to. Something is definitely different. 

“Condoms? Not on the pill anymore?”

“Not yet. It already failed, anyway, and I really am not ready for another little miracle. At least if the condom breaks we’ll notice right away.” She reaches up to brush back his hair, and leans against him. She is warm against his bare chest, her lips so close to Ernesto’s own. Her nails rake lightly down the back of his neck, and he swallows. “But it shouldn’t happen, if you know how to put one on properly.”

He makes a face. “Well, of course I know how to put on a--” Ernesto begins, and then trails off. The amount of blood going straight to his cock is making it very hard to think about anything else, but he’s not yet so far gone he can’t catch the meaning of her words. He stares at Imelda, mouth hanging open.

There are...few things they did not at least experiment with throughout the relationship, but at no point did Ernesto get to be in her. Not with his cock, anyway. It simply never happened, Ernesto would think, but he knows deep down that was not it. It was a line Imelda did not want to cross, the one that marked the difference between her husband and the annoying-- acquaintance -- friend turned unlikely lover. Something Héctor could have while he could not. Until now.

He should try and play it cool, of course. Get cocky and say he’s glad she changed her mind there, she has no idea what she has missed out on. Instead, he sputters.

“What-- are you-- sure?”

Imelda’s expression turns coy, a finger running down his chest. “Well, if you’re afraid to disappoint…”

What!

“What!” Ernesto huffs, crossing his arms. “For your information, I never disappoint.”

“Sofía told me otherwise.”

“Sofía should mind her own-- wait a moment, since when are the two of you on gossiping terms?” he asks, just a hint of panic making it to his voice as he tries to run the numbers on the amount of ammunition Sofía may have to use against him. Unaware of his worry, or maybe all too aware of it and hiding it very well, Imelda shrugs. 

“She ordered a pair of shoes and we got talking.”

Talking about what, Ernesto wants to ask, but before he can open his mouth Héctor is back on the bed and kissing his shoulder, causing him to trail off and his breath to catch a moment.

“Here,” Héctor smiles against his skin, pressing a condom in his hand. “Put it to good use, we have no others left until we restock.”

Despite the rising heat, his own quickening breath and the by now unbearable friction of underwear on his erection, Ernesto raises an eyebrow. “That busy, even with the baby?”

“Not really. It’s that Dante found the box.”

“Ah.”

“Yes, ah. The vet judged me the entire time. Not that he said anything, but--”

“... Surely we can have this conversation another time?” Imelda intervenes, tapping her fingers against Ernesto’s chest in a motion that is… a little more annoyed than seductive now. Héctor blushes a little, and gives a sheepish grin. 

“Heh. Right,” he says, and without warning he suddenly pushes Ernesto forward, causing him to fall over on top of Imelda. He barely catches himself, hands braced against the mattress, and almost protests - but then he looks down to see Imelda leaning on her back beneath him, head between his arms and hair spread across the pillow. Her skin is flushed, and ah, the way she looks at him. If one could bottle that look to sell it, they’d make billions.

“I can’t help but feel I’m terribly overdressed for the occasion,” she tells him, and starts unbuttoning her nightgown. She barely makes it to half the buttons before Ernesto’s mouth comes down on hers, hard. She melts into the kiss in a way he cannot recall her ever doing before, fingers tangling in his hair and Christ - Christ - it is almost worth the long months without them, waking up in his own bed.

Ah, it’s good to be home.

“Ah--” Imelda sighs and throws back her head while Ernesto’s mouth trails down her throat, to her breasts. He only stops with a startled gasp against her nipple when a pair of familiar hands pull off his boxers, and a very familiar finger begins to probe as him, slick with lube. 

“Oh, don’t mind me back here,” Héctor calls out, and Ernesto can almost feel the grin in his voice when he slides the finger in, slowly but without hesitation, getting another gasp out of Ernesto he barely muffles against Imelda’s skin. “Want me to put on the condom for you while I’m at it? You look busy,” he adds. His other hand closes on Ernesto’s cock in a soft squeeze, and he almost cries out.

“Christ-- don’t do that!” he pants, suddenly terrified he’s going to just come like that, before anything can happen. Héctor chuckles, but does pull back the hand. The other hand pushes in another finger, sending more shivers up his back. God, he’s shaking - this is bliss, never enough and yet too much, how can he possibly hold himself together?

“That horny?” Héctor asks lightly, as though conversing over a glass of wine. Ernesto snarls.

“I’m about to fuck your wife, what do you think?”

“Ah, good point.”

Beneath him Imelda, who somehow managed to unbutton the rest of her nightgown and shrug it off, laughs and forces his head back by the hair to kiss his mouth. He doesn’t resist - how can he resist? - and only lets out a noise of surrender. The finger within him retreats and Héctor is leaning across his back, putting the condom on him with surprisingly delicate fingers. His own cock presses against Ernesto’s thigh, hard and hot and already slick with lube. When he pulls back, Ernesto lets out a whine. 

“Don’t bother with fingers,” he groans. “I can take it-- por favor--”

A kiss on the back of his neck, just as Imelda’s mouth presses on his throat. She has a leg on either side of Ernesto, and his cock brushes against the warm skin on the inside of her thigh. It is only a soft brush, but it’s almost unbearable on heated flesh. He lets out a shuddering breath, and glances down to meet her eyes. 

Are you sure?, he asks without words, and Imelda responds just as wordlessly, pulling his mouth down on hers and arching beneath him. Whatever shred of self-control Ernesto had left is annihilated and he kisses her back, frantic, before pushing his hips forward purely out of instinct and oh--

He slides in so easily and for a long, blissful moment, Ernesto forgets how to breathe or move or think. There is only that tight heat, Imelda’s scent in his nostrils and her breath against the side of his neck as she clenches around him - the soft moan filling his ears and the nails sinking in the skin of his shoulders.

And then Héctor is bearing down on him, mouth on the back of his neck and weight across his back, pushing into him unbearably slowly and all too fast at once. Everything is too much. Nothing is enough. He wants and needs and yearns and yet it’s everything he could possibly ask for, and more. 

As much as he enjoyed the strap-on and Héctor’s ass, this might just be the best variation of Ernesto sandwich he’s ever had.

“Pepita got your tongue?” Héctor chuckles against his ear, settling deep into him, resting his chin on his shoulder and glancing over at Imelda. “You good?” he breathes. Imelda lifts her head to kiss his lips. Her skin is flushed, eyes half-lidded. 

“Oh, yes,” she says, and kisses Ernesto’s neck again. “You are thicker, I’ll give you that,” she whispers, perfectly audible to Héctor, whose chuckling protests are not very believable. Her hand cups Ernesto’s cheek, her fingers calloused from working leather. “Don’t worry about a thing,” she murmurs, brushing a thumb over his cheekbone. “We’ll take good care of you.”

“Christ--” Ernesto pants, and manages to lift himself up on his elbows just enough to get some weight off her, and rest his forehead on hers. He’s so acutely aware of everything - the smoothness of her skin and Héctor’s chest hair against his back, her hand cupping his cheek and his chin on his shoulder, the heat around his cock and the cock in him. “I don’t know-- how long I can last,” he manages to admit. 

“Ah, don’t worry about that, amigo,” Héctor speaks, and tilts his hips, sending a jolt of pleasure up Ernesto’s spine and tearing a gasp out of him. “Wouldn’t be the first time. And we can do this whenever we wish…”

He says something else after that, or Imelda does, but none of their words makes it to Ernesto’s brain. They start moving in tandem, in him and around him and on him and beneath, and it is all that Ernesto can think of or feel. It is all he wants to feel right now. 

The moans that leave him are louder than advisable, with Coco sleeping just a couple of rooms over, but Imelda is quick to muffle any noise he makes with a kiss. Good move, that.

None of them is in the right state of mind to go soothe a cranky baby, after all.

***

[Back]

[Next]

[quakerjoe]

"Why are people so hostile towards President Donald Trump?"

Chris O'Leary:

Before you pass my answer off as “Another Liberal Snowflake” consider that 1.) I'm an independent centrist who has voted Republican way more often in my life than Democrat, and 2.) If you want to call someone who spent the entire decade of his 20’s serving in the Marine Corps a snowflake, I’d be ready to answer the question what did you do with your 20’s?

Why Liberals (And not-so liberals) are against President Trump.

A.) He lies. A LOT. Politifact rates 69% of the words he speaks as “Mostly False or worse” Only 17% of the things he says get a “Mostly True” or better rating. That is an absolutely unbelievable number. How he doesn’t speak more truth by mistake is beyond me. To put it in context, Obama’s rating was 26% mostly false or worse, and I had a problem with that. Many of Trump’s former business associates report that he has always been a compulsive liar, but now he’s the President of the United States, and that’s a problem. And this is a man who expects you to believe him when he points at other people and says “They’re lying”

B.) He’s an authoritarian populist, not a conservative. He advances regressive social policy while proposing to expand federal spending and federalist authority over states, both of which conservatives are supposed to hate.

C.) He pretends at Christianity to court the Religious Right but fails to live anything resembling a Christ-Like Life.

D.) His nationalist “America First” message effectively alienates us and removes us from our place as leaders in the international community.

E.) His ideas on “Keeping us safe” are all thinly veiled ideas to remove our freedoms, he is, after all, an authoritarian first. They also are simply bad ideas.

F.) He couldn’t pass a 3rd-grade civics exam. He doesn't’ know what he’s doing. He doesn't understand how international relations work, he doesn’t understand how federal state or local governments work, and every time someone tries to “Run it like a business” it’s a spectacular failure. See Colorado Springs’ recent history as an example. The Short, Unhappy Life of a Libertarian Paradise And that was a businessman with a MUCH better business track record than Trump. We are talking about a man who lost money owning a freaking gambling casino.

G.) He behaves unethicaly and always has. As a businessman, he constantly left in his wake unpaid contractors and invoices, litigation, broken promises, whatever he could get away with.

H.) He is damaging our relationships with our best international friends while kissing up to nations that do not have our best interests in mind. To his question “Wouldn't’ it be great to have better relations with Russia?” The answer is Yes. But it is RUSSIA who needs to earn that, who must stop doing the things that are damaging to that relationship, or we are simply weaker for it.

I.) He has never seen a shortcut he didn't like, and you can’t take shortcuts in government. “Nuclear Option, Remove the Filibuster, I’ll change the Constitution by Executive Order…Don…what happens when you remove the filibuster and the other side retakes the majority in the Senate? Suddenly want that filibuster back? What happens if you manage to change the Constitution by Executive Order and an Anti-2A President wins the next election?

J.) He behaves and has always behaved as an unabashed racist. Yes, I’ve seen your favorite meme that claims he was never accused of racism before the Democrats…Absolutely false. Donald Trump’s long history of racism, from the 1970s to 2019 See the Central Park 5, the lawsuits and fines resulting from his refusal to lease to black tenants, the 1992 lost appeal trying to overturn penalties for removing black dealers from tables, his remarks to the house native American affairs subcommittee in 1993. The man sees and treats racial groups of people as monoliths.

K.) He is systematically steamrolling regulations specifically designed to keep a disaster like the 2007 subprime mortgage crisis from happening again.

L.) He speaks and acts like a demagogue. He sees the Legislative and Judicial branches of government as inconveniences, blows up at criticism no matter how deserved and actively tries to countermand constitutional processes, not to mention attempts to blackmail and coerce people who are saying negative things about him

M.) His choices for top positions, with the exception of Gen. Mattis, who is a gem, have been horrendous. A secretary of Education without a resume that would get her hired as a small town grammar school principal, A secretary of Energy who didn't know the Department of Energy was responsible for nuclear reserves, an EPA head whose biggest accomplishments to date had been suing the EPA on multiple occasions, an FCC head who while working for Verizon actively lobbied to kill net neutrality, and an Attorney General who thinks pot is “nearly as bad as heroin” and asked Congress for permission to go after legal pot businesses in states where it is legal. (There goes that great Republican States rights rally cry again, right? *Crickets*) An Interim AG after Firing his First AG who’s appointment is probably unconstitutional.

N.) He denies scientific fact. Ever notice that the only people you hear denying climate change are politicians and lobbyists? 99% of actual scientists studying the issue agree that it’s real, man-made and caused by greenhouse gasses. Ever notice that every big disaster movie starts with a bunch of politicians in a room ignoring a scientist's warning?

0.) He does not have the temperament to lead this nation. He is Thin Skinned, childish, and a bully, never mind misogynistic, boorish, rude, and incapable of civil discourse.

P.) He still does not understand that the words he speaks, or tweets, are the official position of 1/3 of the US government, and so does not govern his words. He still thinks when he speaks it’s good ol’ Donald Trump. It’s not. It’s the PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES. You have probably spread a meme or two around talking about how no president’s every word has ever been dissected before…YES, THEY ALWAYS HAVE. It’s just that every other president in our lifetime has understood the importance of his words and took great care to govern his speech. Trump blurts out whatever comes to his mind then complains when people talk about what a dumb thing that was to say.

Q.) He’s unqualified. If you owned a small business and were looking for someone to manage it, and an unnamed resume came across your desk and you saw 6 bankruptcies, showing a man who had failed to make money running CASINOS, would you hire him? He is a very poor businessman. This is a man it has been estimated would have been worth $10 BILLION more if he’d just taken what his father had given him, invested it in Index Funds and left it alone.

R.) He is President. But he refuses to take a leadership position and understand that he is everyone’s President. Conservatives complain about liberals chanting “Not my President” while Trump himself behaves as if no one but his supporters matter.

S.) He’s a blatant hypocrite. He spent 8 years bitching Obama out for his family trips, or golfing, or any time he took for himself, and what does he do? He was already on his 20th golf outing in APRIL of his 1st year in office. He constantly rants about respect for the military, yet can’t be bothered to attend the 100th anniversary of Armistice Day because of a little rain. (And that excuse about Marine One not being able to fly in the rain is HILARIOUS.)

T.) He’s a misogynist. It's not really ok in this day and age to be a misogynist, but it’s not a huge deal if you’re a private citizen. It’s a pretty big deal if you hate half the people you’re elected to lead. The disdain for women seeps out of his …whatever…. and he just can’t hide it.

U.) Face it. In any other election “Grab Em’ By the Pussy” would have been the end of that candidate’s chances. Back in the 90’s I used to marvel about how Teflon Bill Clinton was. I no longer do. The fact that he managed to slip by on that is as much a statement about how much people hate Hillary Clinton as it is about what is wrong with politics in this country right now.

V.) He has one response to a differing opinion. Attack. A good leader listens to criticism, to different points of view, is capable of self-reflection, tries to guide people to his point of view, and when necessary stands his ground and defends his convictions. Any of that sound like Trump? His default is not to Lead, its’ to attack. Scorched Earth. The Jim Acosta reaction is a good example. There was no defense of his convictions when Acosta was asking him repeated questions about his rhetoric on the caravan. His response was to attack Acosta.

W.) He takes credit for everything positive while deflecting blame for everything negative. Look at him with the Stock Market. He’s been bragging about it since day one, and to give credit where credit is due, speculation on coming deregulation early in his presidency did fuel some rapid growth, but to pretend that it’s all him, that we’re not in the 9th year of the longest bull market in history and THEN, when the standard market volatility that deregulation inevitably brings about starts to show up? Yeah. Look at yesterday. Hey! Stock Markets losing because the Democrats won! Do I need to bring out the Stock market chart for the last 10 Years again?

X.) He emboldens the worst among us. Counter-protesters are slammed into by a car while countering actual Nazi rally, and the response is there’s fault on “Both Sides” The media is at fault for a nut job sending them and Donald’s favorite targets pipe bombs. The truth is not all Republicans, not all Trump Supporters are racist, fascist lunatics. Many are just taken in by the bombastic personality and are living in an information bubble made worse by the fact that they unfollow anyone and ignore any source of information that makes them feel uncomfortable. People on the left do that too. The Biggest problem the right has right now is that the worst of the Right is the loudest and the most in your face, and the actual right, especially the Freaking PRESIDENT needs to be standing up and saying No. Those are not our values.

Y.) He seems to think the Constitution of The United States, the document that IS who we are, the document he took an oath to support and defend is some sort of inconvenience. He demonstrates a complete lack of understanding of Constitution, from believing he can alter the 14th through executive order, to thinking The free exercise clause in the first amendment somehow supersedes the establishment clause (not that he really understands either) or that the free exercise clause only applies to Christians. Or his attacks on freedom of expression and the press. He repeatedly makes it clear that if he’s read them, he does not understand Articles 1–3, and that’s something he really should have before he took the job, because they’re not going away.

Z.) I’ll use Z for something I do blame him for, but the rest of us have to carry the blame too. Polarization. This country is more politically polarized than I can remember in my lifetime. Some of you who are a few years older than I may remember how it was in the late 60’s when construction workers in New York were being applauded for beating up hippies, I think it’s pretty close to that right now, but that was before my time. And he is the cause of much of the current level polarization, but also the result. It didn't’ start with Trump. We’ve been going down this road I think since the eruption of the Tea Party in the early years of the Obama Administration. I do hope the tide turns before it gets much worse because the thing that scares me more than anything is what if that keeps going the way it has been? "

[itsreigns]

It’s Real

Sheamus x Reader

(Y/N) has been pining over her best friend for a long time. Working on different brand put their relationship through a very rough path. And things only tend to get worse...

Words: 3,649

Requested by @shadow-of-wonder​

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Pining over Sheamus has been a constant in my life ever since I met him. He is my best friend, and honestly, I don’t know where I’d be without him. I actually think he doesn’t even have a clue of how much he matters, how important he is to me. 

I can talk to him about anything, even things that may be difficult or uncomfortable to discuss. But he never judges me. Even if he doesn’t fully understand, he will always try his best to. There is nothing I’m afraid to share with him. Well, except for one thing.

That I am madly in love with him.

He’s the first person I want to share good news and bad news with. When we are on the way to the hotel from work, we talk about how our day went or whatever’s going on in our worlds. We’re able to have rational, thoughtful conversations, but we also have conversations about the most random things and we can just sit comfortably in silence as well.

We were attached to the hip. Always driving around together, going to the gym together… every kind of thing.

Until we were drafted to different brands. 

When the draft happened, I was trying to gather up the courage to ask him out on an actual date, coming clean about how I truly saw him. 

That never got to happen. 

Since then, we’ve grown slightly apart. We still talked but not as much as before. Our calls got shorter, just as our texts, and we barely Facetimed. Long story short, we barely hung out anymore, because our schedules didn’t match. 

It hurt, so bad. I could feel him and our friendship slipping through my fingers. 

I missed him so much. Him as a whole. His touch… his voice… his laugh… the way he made me laugh. How he cared about me. How he always managed to get through me when I wasn’t feeling well. Everything.

So lately, all I had from him was every picture and video he put online. I go back to his Instagram only to see his face, his wide smile, in his photos. And I rewatch those videos over and over, especially when I am in bed, ready to sleep, letting his voice sink in. 

At the beginning, it fulfilled the void and made me happy, but now… it only makes me sadder. It only makes me miss him more… miss us more.

Today, it’s Monday. I have lots of work to do backstage as Raw is airing in a couple of hours, because apparently some big things that only the bosses and creative know about are going down tonight, and... I’m feeling like shit. It’s one of those days. 

Only to make it worse, I keep recalling the times when he’d notice I was feeling down. He’d whisper “Come here, lass.” and pull me into a warm side hug, as he ran his hand through my hair and pressed gentle kisses to my forehead. 

How I wish I had that right now. I’m craving his affection. I need his affection. It’s becoming unbearable to be away from him. But apparently he was doing good away from me, so there’s no way I could ever change this.

I try to shrug off the knot of anxiety that was tightening my chest, so I could do the rest of my chores as well as I possibly could right now.

After almost two hours, I was done. It was hard to do it all, but I somehow managed. Then, I headed to the makeup and hair zone, looking for my friends Alexa and Zelina. Sadly, they were both occupied. Zelina was getting her makeup done, and Alexa was getting her hair braided. 

They quickly asked if I was okay, and I managed to shoot them a fake smile as I nodded affirmatively. I don’t think they bought it, but… I just don’t want to worry them. 

I then decide to go sit in the corner of that zone. There were some storing boxes there that the personnel used to keep heavy material for the stage, so I just hopped on top of one of them. 

Reluctantly, I reach my back pocket and get my phone. I debate whether I should unlock it or not for a couple of minutes, but then I give in. I need to see his face.

With my hands shaking, I enter my Instagram, going straight to the search feature. Obviously, his name was right at the top of my searches. I open his profile and my heart quickly gets caught in my throat.

He had posted another picture. But he wasn’t alone. There’s a girl right by his side. A very stunning girl, tucked right into him for the picture. My stomach starts flipping, and I feel myself starting to get sick, wanting to throw up. 

I didn’t even bother to read any descriptions or check tags. My assumptions have been made and they were clear as water. He was dating her. 

I quickly returned to the main page of his profile and unfollowed him. I just can’t bare the thought of having to see more pictures like that one. Or even cozier… more romantic pictures. I’m almost throwing up again with nervousness just by thinking about it. 

It felt like a slap to my face and I was still numb. I closed the app and set my phone on the box carelessly. I wasn’t expecting this. I wasn’t ready for it. I didn’t even know he had met someone, let alone be dating. 

This made me realize how clueless I was being. He didn’t need me anymore, that’s why he barely reached out lately. He had someone else to do the things we used to do together. 

I let him forget all about me.

No, I did not let him forget me. He forgot me. I quickly rearranged my thoughts. It was not my fault that he didn’t care about me or our friendship. I was not at fault in this. 

With this, I decided that I was going to let him go and get over this, because I am a strong bitch. Yes, those were the exact words I kept telling myself in my head. I am strong and I will not let him see how much it’s affecting me. 

Not that he’s around to, he’s obviously a little busy isn’t he? The nagging voice was back but was quickly shoved to the back of my mind when I was suddenly joined by Alexa.

She sat down next to me and stared at me for a couple of seconds before actually speaking up. 

“Are you okay?” She asks carefully, trying to read me. “I- Well, we’ve seen Shea-”

“I am fine. And I don’t want to hear or talk about it.” I know I sounded snappy, but I just don’t want to talk about the fresh wound on my heart. I want to push this to the depths of my soul and not remember it or him ever again.

“Okay. I’ll respect that.” She sighs heavily as she rubs my knee soothingly. “But if you need anything, and I mean anything, you call me right away, okay?” 

I nodded in response but was eyed suspiciously by Alexa. I knew what it meant so I said what she wanted to hear. 

“I promise Lexie.”

She pressed a kiss to my cheek before leaving. And there I was, sitting in a corner, alone with my thoughts again. I honestly don’t even know how much time has passed since I saw it.

I could see people passing by and I definitely could hear the fans’ screams and shouts echoing in the arena, and damn, they were loud tonight. But I was way too numb to pay attention to any of it.

Finally, after God knows how long, I snapped out of it. When I stand up, my body feels like ten times its weight. It feels like I’ve been beaten down by someone and I’m just lugging myself around like deadweight.

And I was. Emotionally. But it’s still a beatdown.

I make my way towards my shared locker room to gather my things so I can finally go to my hotel room and just wallow in my thoughts all by myself. 

Picking up my backpack, I head out of the room. I know I was dragging myself around but I just can’t pretend anymore. I just can’t. I am devastated. In two seconds, I realized I lost my best friend and the man I love. My brain is all over the place and I just want to take a shower and then lay down and sleep. Sleep so I can forget all this mess.

I’m halfway through the parking lot when I hear someone calling out my name.

That’s enough to make me stop in my tracks. I know that voice all too well and I am hesitant to turn around. Firstly, because I am afraid that I’m starting to lose my mind and hearing things. Secondly, I’m terrified that he is in fact right behind me. 

“(Y/N).” The voice says again, this time more firm and confident. 

I got chills running down my spine. My whole body is shaking. I definitely didn’t want to do this right now. I don’t want to look in his eyes. Not now. I think everything will come crashing down once I do so. Taking a deep shaky breath, I try to keep walking towards my rental. 

“(Y/N)!” He yells this time, sounding closer to me than before. “Can you please stop for a minute and look at me?” He stops me by grabbing my arm gently.

“No, I can’t.” I choke out, keeping my gaze on the cemented ground. “I just want to leave. So just please, let me go.”

My sight is getting blurry from the tears that have formed in my eyes, as I was practically begging him to let me go. It was pitiful, I know, but I couldn’t stand being this close when I’m nothing to him anymore. 

With this, I pull my arm out of his grasp with one motion and I can feel his stare burning through my back as I walk away. Deep down, I wished he’d stop me again, that he’d hug me and tell me that he missed me, that he wanted to be at least my friend.

But he didn’t. 

He just watched. 

He just watched me walk away. From him. From his life. He didn’t say a goddamn word. And it killed me. 

As soon as I get to the car, the tears start falling down my cheeks. I am in so much pain that it almost feels like actual physical pain. My whole body hurts. My head feels like a balloon. I can’t even breathe straight. 

I cried all the way back to the hotel. Dangerous as I know it is, I drove most of the way on autopilot. I don’t even remember most of it, to be quite honest. 

The woman in the reception looks at me with pity written in her features, probably wondering why my eyes are all red and puffy, why I look like a fucking mess. She was nice about it though. Kathryn, as read on her name tag, offers me a sweet smile every time she has to talk to me and let me know some information regarding the room and the hotel, which I couldn’t focus on, considering my state. But when she gave me the key, I was able to give her a small smile, that she returned delicately. 

I’m finally in my room. Tossing out my clothes carelessly on the floor, I head to the bathroom and turn on the water. I take a good look at myself in the mirror. 

Fuck… I do look like a hot ass mess. Running my hands down my face, a sob runs through my body once again. How could a single person hurt another so badly? How could a human endure this kind of pain?

I get under the hot water, letting it fall down my tense and broken body, wanting it to wash away all the pain and sadness that is running through my veins right now. I just stand there as I get it all out of my system.

It’s about 20 minutes later when I turn the water off. Grabbing a towel, I dry myself lazily before heading to my suitcase and pulling out some panties, an old shirt and some lazy sweatpants to wear.

After putting them on, I collapse on the bed, feeling so drained and exhausted from all the nerves and all the crying.

When I am finally drifting off to sleep, there is a light knock on the door. It was so light that it almost seemed someone was knocking on a door near mine. Suddenly, there’s another knock. This one way more confident. 

It’s probably Lexie. I left without telling her anything, and I didn’t text her. She was probably worried sick, and I feel terrible about it now.

I get up and head to the door, opening it. “Lexie, I am so sorry-” 

My words are cut short when I get face to face with the person who was knocking at my door. I find myself staring at the face I was dreading to look at ever since that happened.

He has this weird look on his eyes, I can’t quite put my finger on it. But I absolutely don’t want to do this right now. I need to sleep on it, get some rest first. So I go and try to close the door before any words are exchanged. 

But he stops me, preventing the door from closing with his arm. He’s much stronger than I am, so he manages to pull the door open and get inside, closing it behind him. I sigh in defeat, retreating back to the bed and sitting down, leaning against the headboard, as he stands in front of my bed, hands tucked in his jeans’ pockets.

“Care to tell me what the fuck is going on, (Y/N)?” He says, an indecipherable tone lacing his voice. I can’t tell if it’s anger, disappointment, hurt, care or everything altogether.

“I don’t want to talk about it.” I manage to say when I find my voice, moving my gaze to my hands, currently set in my lap.

“What have I done to you, (Y/N)?” He sounds almost desperate now. 

“I just said I don’t want to talk about it, Sheamus.” It hurts so much even just hearing him say my name. This is too painful. 

“You used to talk to me about anything. What changed?”

“You did.” I say before I can stop myself. He furrows his brows in slight confusion, urging me to keep talking. “Everything did.”

“I know we haven’t talked much lately, but you know I care and think about you every day.” He tries to reason, but I wasn’t having it. 

“No, you don’t.” I mumble, once again staring down at my hands, as a sad chuckle leaves my lips.

“Yes, I do.” He looks down at me in disbelief.

I feel tears in my eyes once more today, and honestly I was done crying. I avert my gaze down again, burying my head in my hands. Feeling the bed shift, I quickly feel Sheamus’ hand making contact with my thigh, caressing me gently. I wanted to slap his hand away, but I was craving his touch so, so much that I couldn’t find it in my heart to do it.

Suddenly, the girl pops up in my mind again. 

“You shouldn’t be here.” I snap, flinching away from him. “She won’t like it. You need to go to her. You need to leave.”

“Who’s she, (Y/N)? I swear you’re not making any sense.” 

I am not looking at him but I can tell by his tone that he’s genuinely confused, which makes me even more distressed. 

“The girl.” I finally look at him. He looks so concerned and confused. “In your photo. I saw it. I think everyone did.” I mumble, once more not being able to maintain eye contact with him. 

“You mean the picture I posted today?” He asks, and I only nod. “Are you serious?” Now, he was smiling and I couldn’t see what was so funny. “Was that why you were like this back at the parking lot, and right now?” He asks carefully, looking at me intently. 

It was now or never. I had to do it.

I nod. 

“That- That was Josie. Don’t you remember? That friend I had from Ireland, that I told you about?”

Suddenly, there’s light in my brain. I do remember him talking about her. They were very good friends when they were kids back in Ireland.

“I- I remember.” I admit, blushing and feeling bad as hell. 

“Didn’t you read the caption?” He asks, tilting his head to the side as he smiles at me. I shake my head no, and he lets out a light chuckle. “You have nothing to worry about. She’s just an old friend, and we were just catching up.” Meanwhile as he spoke, his hand found his way to my thigh once more. 

I was blushing as hell but I was trying to fight everything I was feeling. I didn’t want to read too much into this and get my hopes up. 

He takes a moment to stare at me, as if trying to read me or understand me. But I never said anything. I think anything I would’ve said at that moment would have ruined everything.

“Look, (Y/N)...” He trails off, glancing down at my shaky hands. “I hope I’m not reading too much into this, but… if you… if you feel something, I need you to tell me.”

That’s it. Our friendship is over. This is the part where he obviously tells me that he can’t be my friend if I love him. 

“Why do you need to know that?” I say, very upset. “You don’t need to let me down gently. You don’t like me like that, we can’t be friends. I get it. Now can you go?” I plead with my eyes filled with tears once more as I fully face him. 

“No, I can’t go, (Y/N).”

I’m crying again. Why is he torturing me? Why can’t he just leave me alone? 

“Why are you making this so goddamn difficult, Sheamus? I swear-”

I’m not even finished talking when I feel his lips pressed against mine. I am in complete shock. It takes me a few seconds to process what is happening. He pecks me one time very gently and pulls back. 

Our faces are the closest they’ve ever been. Our gazes locked. Our foreheads resting against each other. His hand cradling my face so delicately. 

“I’m not making this so goddamn difficult. I’m trying to simplify it.” He whispers as his thumb caresses my cheek. 

I launch myself into his arms, hugging him. He hooks his arms around my midsection, pulling me into his lap. I wrap my legs around his waist. I hug him so tight, as if I’d never get the chance to do it again. 

“I missed you so much, (Y/N). You have no idea how much.” He mumbles against my neck. “Being away from you, was the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life. I couldn’t go another day without seeing you.”

This statement makes my stomach twist up in knots again. He has to go back.

“You have to go back though…” I say sadly.

“I don’t.”

“What?!” I can’t disguise my excitement. “Are you serious?”

“Yes, I was moved back to Raw again.” He smiles widely, seeing how happy I was with the news.

“Oh my God! This is amazing! I missed you so much.” I smile, and before I could stop myself, I peck his lips. I pull back abruptly, once I take notice of what I was doing. “I am so sorry. I- You- ” I’m rambling and I just can’t stop myself. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be.” He reassures, hooking a finger under my chin and making me look up at him. “I know I’m not. You know why?” I shake my head no. “Because I love you.” 

There’s silence for awhile. We’re just staring at each other, letting his words sink in. 

“You know I love you too, right?” 

“I was kind of hoping you did.” He laughs lightly. “But I can’t say I wasn’t scared shitless that you didn’t.”

“I do. I always did.” You whisper, pecking his lips again. “I love you, Sheamus.”

That somehow triggers something in him. He’s kissing me now, so intensely, I think I’m passing out soon. He licks my upper lip, begging for entrance. I can’t stop the moan that leaves my mouth, granting him the so wished access. 

His tongue starts massaging and crashing against mine, as the kiss turned into a makeout session. I’ve dreamed about this for so long, it still seemed like a dream. 

The kiss is growing hotter by the second. I, being the teaser I am, start grinding my hips against his, earning a deep growl from him. 

Suddenly, he breaks the kiss. “I need to ask you something.” I nod, waiting for the question. “Will you be my girlfriend?”.

“Of course I want to be your girlfriend.” 

As soon as those words leave my lips, his come crashing on mine again. He pecks my lips a dozen times before we pull back and hug each other.

“Pinch me, so I know this is real.” I laugh stupidly, hiding my face in his neck. 

The bastard bites my collarbone gently and I yelp in surprise.

“See? It’s real.”

Give me some feedback please?

[snarkwriteswrasslin]

FFT: I Wrote Myself Back in the Narrative

AHHH. First of all, without YOU, bb.. This idea would’ve never really full on clicked like it has. So.. Thank you so so so much and ILY. Second. This is written first person, split between our mystery guy from part 1 and the female’s pov as they... continue to deal with things. I triiiied things here. 

It’s still angsty as hell, smh. It’s gonna be angsty as hell for a hot minute. Idek if I can promise that it’ll end on a good note. Because now there are two more parts to this. Thank you again, so so much because you heavily inspired me and without the input you gave, ugh. I would’ve fucked this up so bad.

Warnings: Angst. So much angst. Or my /attempt/ at angst. Maybe the next part will be happier, who knows. Are we ready to find out who this man in part 1 was? I have a feeling ya’ll are gonna murder me. OH OH... This whole part of everything takes place over the course of a few weeks in between each section. If that makes sense.

Tag Squad:

@kyleoreillysknee

@rampagewriting

@writertoo18

@thatnerdwriter

@wrestlingismyguiltypleasure

@chasingeverybreakingwave

@unabashedwrestlefics

@adampage

@cabotcoves

@dietwrestling

@heelsamizayn

@missjenniferb

@cowboyshit

[ tag list ] [ masterlist ] [ about ] [ part 1 ] 

A D A M

“You did the right thing, man. I told ya, you were rushing headfirst into something. You were sparing her, man. We both know where it was heading. Now I know you’ve been missin her lately, but you gotta stay the course… Trust me.” Matt’s voice broke through my thoughts and I forced myself to at least shrug my shoulders and pretend to be listening to him going on and on and on.

It’s nights like tonight I really wish the guy would shut the hell up sometimes. It’s like he thinks it’s his place to tell me exactly what to do. Or when I’m doin’ something and he thinks I ought to be doing it different.

“Matt, man.. C’mon, knock it off. He’s hurting right now.” That was Nick. Probably the only real voice of reason at the moment. I could feel him glare at Matty over my head and I didn’t bother looking up from the lukewarm beer sitting in front of me. Instead, I raised the glass to my lips and did my level best to ignore both. I told them I’d be fine coming out by myself tonight, whether I wanted them tagging along or not, here they were.

In my ear, like usual.

“I’m fine.” the words left my mouth in a harsh tone, the dull ache in my teeth makin me realize just how tight I was clenching my jaw right now. I rubbed my face and tried to get some relief as I looked around the bar.

Beside me on either side, they kept at it, almost as if I hadn’t said a word. Arguin over whether Matt was pushin too hard.

“Besides, man.. When I saw her last week, she looked totally fine.” Matt shrugged, smirking just a little. “In a little bit of a hurry, but she seemed like it didn’t bother her at all. I think she even said something about a date, I don’t know, man. But it’s like I said… You did the right thing. It wasn’t working, so you ended things before someone got hurt and things got real messy.” 

Every part of me tensed up when Matt said he’d seen her and my head snapped around as I looked at him, trying not to lose my temper. Suddenly, a thought occurred to me… Matt was entirely too adamant about me staying away.

And we all know how he is when he wants something. 

,, you’re the one who let her go. Did you think she’d just sit around waitin?” the thought came and man was I bitter about it. 

“You look mad, Adam.”

“Well I’m not thrilled right now, Matt.” the words came out before I could stop them. And when they did, I realized just how much the thought of Matt Jackson anywhere near her really bothered me. How much it had all along. Because he thinks I’m stupid but I knew every single time he flirted with her. I know he’s the one who told her about my last relationship and how messed up I was when it ended.

How my ex was the love of my life, to quote him. While true, I didn’t want or need him speaking for me and telling her that. I didn’t ask him to butt in.

,, you never do, to be honest.” 

My hand curled around the bottle sitting in front of me and I shotgunned it. If I didn’t so something, I was going to wind up havin it out with Matt Jackson once and for all. Not that it hasn’t been a long time comin.. Between him and Kenny, as of late, I’m startin to lose my damn mind.

I stay angry.

They’re supposed to be my best friends, damn it. I don’t wanna hate my best friends. I try not to. I do everything but bend over backwards to avoid rocking the boat. But Matt seein her and just throwing it up in conversation just now, with that fucking smirk. Like he’s trying to rub it in. I’m dangerously close to no longer caring.

I had to get outta there. Away from the two of them. I needed to be alone. I needed to think. To have time to hurt and feel like I was free to do it. 

“Where are you going, huh? We’ve got food coming, man. C’mon. Stay out with us. You can’t keep going to your room and hiding.” Nick was trying desperately to keep the peace but honestly, I didn’t want to. I snatched up the remainder of the six pack I bought from the bartender earlier in the night, slammed badly wadded money down on the counter and I stood, shoving the stool back beneath the bar.

Nick caught up to me outside the bar, reaching out for my arm, trying to stop me, but I shoved his hand off. 

“Can’t either of ya take a damn hint? I don’t wanna talk about how I did the right thing. I don’t wanna hear about Matt runnin into her. I just wanna go five goddamn minutes without feelin, okay? Can either of ya just let me have that?”

Nick flinched and I took a deep breath, trying to calm down. Nick’s done nothin to me. Not like his brother and Kenny, always in my ear, always tryin to make me fall back in line and ignore my own gut. Or my own desires.

“Sorry, Nick. Look. I appreciate what you’re tryin to do but I ain’t exactly in the mood tonight, man. And I might not be in the mood for a while. And ya’ll have to be okay with that. Stop trying to make me snap out of it.”

“This is because Matt pulled that shit in there, right? I’ll talk to him later. Just take your time, man.” Nick managed a smile and I nodded, agreeing.

After he went back inside the bar to finish whatever food they ordered while watching the tail end of the game they’d dragged me out to watch with them tonight, I called an Uber and as I waited, I found myself doing it yet again.

Hovering over ❤ in my contacts, I was torn between finally doing it, finally deleting the last trace of her I had, from my life and just hitting call, just to see if she’d answer. Frustration made me shove the phone back into the pocket of my jeans without doing either and I went back to leaning up against the wall of the sports bar as I finished the open beer in my hand. I took the last sip, feeling the warmth slide down my throat and settle in my stomach, grimacing at the hangover already in progress. The Uber I’d called for pulled to a stop beside me and I got in, giving directions to the hotel and going silent after.

All the way across town and back to the hotel, I couldn’t stop thinking about that last night I saw her. Or the way it hurt like hell when Matt told me she seemed fine. 

,, do you really want it to hurt her, though?”

I didn’t, but I couldn’t deny that maybe a part of me wanted her to miss me just a little. To hear Matt tell it, she’s fine and dandy. And this lead me to circle right back to how calmly she handled the whole thing that night.

And those doubts crept right back in again.

Maybe the guys were right. Maybe I did the right thing.

,, and Matt having a thing for flirting with her when you were together, right under your nose at that, that has absolutely nothing to do with why he thought it was a good idea.” 

All I could honestly do was just sit in the backseat of the Uber and knock ‘em back, one behind the other. Anything else is out of the question right now. I am not goin’ down this road while I’m drunk and missin her.

If I did go down any road as far as all this is concerned, I wanna be one hundred percent sure I feel what I feel. I need to think. I need time outta the situation, without people in my ear.

This is something I have to do on my own.

VERONICA

Like most other nights, I tossed and turned on the king sized bed before finally calling it and getting up, grumbling to myself as I made my way down the hallway and into my kitchen. I started myself a pot of coffee and as I did that, I found myself scrolling Instagram.

Naturally, I found myself doing it, even though I unfollowed him on literally everything after things ended between us because it just hurt too damn much.

It’s been almost 5 months now and it still hurts. The pain still cuts like a knife when I actually give myself a little time to let it linger.

Kind of why I’ve thrown myself into work. I even made a Tinder profile, even though I’m absolutely loathe to use the damn thing.

Before I realized what I’d done, I’d typed his instagram handle into the search bar and I found myself scrolling his timeline while I sipped a steamy mug of coffee. “At least he looks okay.” I muttered to myself, shattering the heavy silence around me.

Despite myself, I wound up spending entirely too much time watching one of his random post match videos. Fingertip against the screen. It hurt so goddamn much and yet, it had to happen because all I could think about was how much he loved someone else and just kind of… settled for me.

Running into his friend Matt earlier this week hadn’t helped all this recent re-stirring. Because even now, actively not trying to think back and hurt and miss Adam knowing what happened between us was for the best… I kept going back to Matt reassuring me that Adam was perfectly fine and that he hadn’t been bothered by breaking up with me at all. And I kept getting more and more bitter over it.

When I felt a tear trek down my cheek, I tossed the phone onto the counter and scowled at my reflection in the microwave. 

I told myself I was not settling for being silver. I wanna be someone’s gold.

,, but he made it so fucking easy to fall hard and fast. Get so wrapped up in him that for a little while, you didn’t think about that.” I blatantly shoved the thought down as soon as it crossed my mind and with a sigh, I sat the cup of coffee in the sink half drank.

I’ve got work. Other things to focus on. And I’m trying to look at the bright side here. One day, I’ll be someone’s gold.

VERONICA

→ You know you’re coming out with us tonight, right girl?

I got the text at 4:30, just as I walked out of the building I work in and stopped to dig around in my purse for my car keys. Once I read it, I laughed to myself and managed a smile. Normally, I’d have begged off. It’s what I’ve been doing a lot since things ended between Adam and I.

But I remembered what Matt told me two weeks ago when I bumped into him. Adam hasn’t wasted a single second caught up in what might have been. Why should I?

← Sure. 8, right? The usual spot?

→ Holy shit, is this a Christmas miracle coming early? You’re finally going to take a break from being Little Ms. Moneymaker?

I laughed to myself and opened the door to my car, getting in. As soon as I had, I dialed Marti’s  number.

“Little Ms. Moneymaker, my ass. I’d like to see one shred of this money you think I’m making.” I responded to her last text seconds before, she hadn’t even said hello yet.

Marti laughed.

I turned into traffic, promptly getting stuck at a long red. “Fuck me alive.. It had to be the longest light in town.” I grumbled to myself, listening to Marti telling me about a soccer player she met at our usual bar a few weeks ago and how he’s supposed to be back from the road tonight and meeting her.

“Oh? Well, guess who made a Tinder and hasn’t bothered looking at it since.”

“You.. Wait…” Marti was laughing, I know she didn’t believe me, “You made a Tinder.”

“Yes.” I almost wanted to laugh at myself, shaking my head as I admitted it. 

“Well? Have you met anybody?” she grilled.

“I made the profile and haven’t bothered looking at it since.” I admitted sheepishly, foot on the gas as the light changed from red to green. 

“That’s it. Tonight, so help me. You’re swiping right on at least one guy.”

“Teenie..”

“Don’t Teenie me. This is happening. Not to mention, I have to see if you actually made your profile worth looking at twice. Especially if you want hookups. And trust me girl, you need a hookup.”

“Like I need a goddamn hole in my head.” I snorted in laughter as I pulled my car to a stop at the curb in front of my house. “But fine.. Since you insist. You can look over my Tinder profile and see if it looks like I’m worth risking a swipe on.”

“You are, don’t say that. You just… try to hide the real you under all that boring shit.”

I bit my lip as I let her words sink in.

Maybe she had a point. I hadn’t truly let Adam in until I thought it was safe to do so and look how that one turned out. I sighed quietly, nodding to myself as I shut the door to my car with my hip. “Okay. Hint taken. But maybe I need to change all that.”

“So maybe you’ll pull the stick out of your ass tonight and have just a little fun? You know I hate seeing you hurting like this.”

“It doesn’t hurt. It was for the best… That whole thing ended.”

As much as I hate admitting it, given what Matt told me when we ran into each other, things ending with Adam and I had to be the right choice.

,, but what if you’re totally wrong?”

ADAM

I’m not even sure what possessed me to look her up when we got a little break between shows and the road. I don’t know what the hell I thought it’d accomplish, casually bumpin into her again, other than ripping the band-aid off a healing wound.

But here I was. Standing in the parking lot of her office building. Hidden out of sight, of course. Not that I was going to stay hidden. No, I’d come all this way to do exactly one thing… To fix the mess I now know full well I made that night.

I’ve had time out of it all and I realized one thing.

Somewhere in everything, I really had fallen for her. Hard.

I just had to hope it wasn’t too late. But prepare myself because lately, my luck’s been absolute shit.

My breath caught in my throat as I watched her walking out. I bit my lip, eyes roaming slowly, just taking her in. Because I hadn’t done that nearly enough when she was mine. I was an idiot.

Seeing her again felt like a suckerpunch to the stomach. The wind got knocked right out of me. I stood there, trying to will myself to step out. To say or do anything. Even if it was simple as a hey.

She walked right past me, towards her Camaro a few rows back and she leaned against the Camaro, laughing and talking. I had to get closer but at the same time, I knew that all I was doing was torturing myself, especially if I came all this way and said nothing.

I watched her smile light up the world around me as a car pulled to a stop next to her car. The guy got out and she smiled even brighter, her cheeks tinting pink, her eyes lighting up, the streetlight above bathing her in a cool white glow as the sun sank lower.

The guy didn’t strike me as her type. Dark haired, wearin a suit. He held out a bouquet of roses and my stomach sank to the ground. I raised a hand, tugging at my hair as it hit me.

Everything I realized recently was too little, too late.

I turned and started to walk away, I think I wandered about two blocks before I stopped at a little bar and went in, ordering myself a few rounds. Almost the instant my ass met stool, my cell phone was buzzing in my pocket. I rolled my eyes when I realized that it was Kenny calling.

Kenny who suggested I come here. Seeing her might prove things one way or another. I shouldn’t have fucking listened to him, but naturally.. He insisted, so I finally gave in to get him off my ass.

“Well?”

“I think it’s really over, man. I saw her, alright. And she’s happy. Too happy to do what I came to do.”

“So you’re good now. You can let this go. You can stop all this pushing you’ve been doing lately?”

“Oh, I’m not stoppin that. We all know I deserve a shot. I just know better than to mess up her happiness. I love her too much for that.”

“Damn it, Adam, we’ve all went over this with you. Your time is coming. Just not right now. Besides, “ Kenny paused, taking a few deep breaths. I could feel his annoyance over the conversation through the phone.

That’s not a surprise. Lately, I’ve started to see that unless it’s about them? They’re not interested. And maybe I’m tired of letting everybody else dictate what direction I take. Hell, that’s the whole reason I ended things with her to begin with. 

I let my insecurities get in the way. Kept thinking one day she’d leave too.

Now I just want her back.

So if I can’t have her back? I’m at least going to do something about everything else I want that stays just outside my grasp.

“Besides what, huh?” I snapped, chewing on a toothpick I’d taken from the little dispenser full sitting in front of me, scowling at the phone in my hands.

“You’re not in your best form right now, buddy and you haven’t been in weeks.”

I hung up before he could say anything else.

And as I sat there, nursing round after round, I found myself doing it for the millionth time… Going to her instagram and going through every single thing she’s posted. Hovering over her name in my contacts list and nearly calling five, six, almost seven times before I finally sighed and made myself delete her number.

I really fucked it up this time.

And honestly? Knowing that hurts more than the end ever did in the first place...

[reading-writing-revolution]

A person asked the question, "Why are people so hostile towards President Donald Trump?"

Chris O'Leary:

Before you pass my answer off as “Another Liberal Snowflake” consider that 1.) I'm an independent centrist who has voted Republican way more often in my life than Democrat, and 2.) If you want to call someone who spent the entire decade of his 20’s serving in the Marine Corps a snowflake, I’d be ready to answer the question what did you do with your 20’s?

Why Liberals (And not-so liberals) are against President Trump.

A.) He lies. A LOT. Politifact rates 69% of the words he speaks as “Mostly False or worse” Only 17% of the things he says get a “Mostly True” or better rating. That is an absolutely unbelievable number. How he doesn’t speak more truth by mistake is beyond me. To put it in context, Obama’s rating was 26% mostly false or worse, and I had a problem with that. Many of Trump’s former business associates report that he has always been a compulsive liar, but now he’s the President of the United States, and that’s a problem. And this is a man who expects you to believe him when he points at other people and says “They’re lying”

B.) He’s an authoritarian populist, not a conservative. He advances regressive social policy while proposing to expand federal spending and federalist authority over states, both of which conservatives are supposed to hate.

C.) He pretends at Christianity to court the Religious Right but fails to live anything resembling a Christ-Like Life.

D.) His nationalist “America First” message effectively alienates us and removes us from our place as leaders in the international community.

E.) His ideas on “Keeping us safe” are all thinly veiled ideas to remove our freedoms, he is, after all, an authoritarian first. They also are simply bad ideas.

F.) He couldn’t pass a 3rd-grade civics exam. He doesn't’ know what he’s doing. He doesn't understand how international relations work, he doesn’t understand how federal state or local governments work, and every time someone tries to “Run it like a business” it’s a spectacular failure. See Colorado Springs’ recent history as an example. The Short, Unhappy Life of a Libertarian Paradise And that was a businessman with a MUCH better business track record than Trump. We are talking about a man who lost money owning a freaking gambling casino.

G.) He behaves unethicaly and always has. As a businessman, he constantly left in his wake unpaid contractors and invoices, litigation, broken promises, whatever he could get away with.

H.) He is damaging our relationships with our best international friends while kissing up to nations that do not have our best interests in mind. To his question “Wouldn't’ it be great to have better relations with Russia?” The answer is Yes. But it is RUSSIA who needs to earn that, who must stop doing the things that are damaging to that relationship, or we are simply weaker for it.

I.) He has never seen a shortcut he didn't like, and you can’t take shortcuts in government. “Nuclear Option, Remove the Filibuster, I’ll change the Constitution by Executive Order…Don…what happens when you remove the filibuster and the other side retakes the majority in the Senate? Suddenly want that filibuster back? What happens if you manage to change the Constitution by Executive Order and an Anti-2A President wins the next election?

J.) He behaves and has always behaved as an unabashed racist. Yes, I’ve seen your favorite meme that claims he was never accused of racism before the Democrats…Absolutely false. Donald Trump’s long history of racism, from the 1970s to 2019 See the Central Park 5, the lawsuits and fines resulting from his refusal to lease to black tenants, the 1992 lost appeal trying to overturn penalties for removing black dealers from tables, his remarks to the house native American affairs subcommittee in 1993. The man sees and treats racial groups of people as monoliths.

K.) He is systematically steamrolling regulations specifically designed to keep a disaster like the 2007 subprime mortgage crisis from happening again.

L.) He speaks and acts like a demagogue. He sees the Legislative and Judicial branches of government as inconveniences, blows up at criticism no matter how deserved and actively tries to countermand constitutional processes, not to mention attempts to blackmail and coerce people who are saying negative things about him

M.) His choices for top positions, with the exception of Gen. Mattis, who is a gem, have been horrendous. A secretary of Education without a resume that would get her hired as a small town grammar school principal, A secretary of Energy who didn't know the Department of Energy was responsible for nuclear reserves, an EPA head whose biggest accomplishments to date had been suing the EPA on multiple occasions, an FCC head who while working for Verizon actively lobbied to kill net neutrality, and an Attorney General who thinks pot is “nearly as bad as heroin” and asked Congress for permission to go after legal pot businesses in states where it is legal. (There goes that great Republican States rights rally cry again, right? *Crickets*) An Interim AG after Firing his First AG who’s appointment is probably unconstitutional.

N.) He denies scientific fact. Ever notice that the only people you hear denying climate change are politicians and lobbyists? 99% of actual scientists studying the issue agree that it’s real, man-made and caused by greenhouse gasses. Ever notice that every big disaster movie starts with a bunch of politicians in a room ignoring a scientist's warning?

0.) He does not have the temperament to lead this nation. He is Thin Skinned, childish, and a bully, never mind misogynistic, boorish, rude, and incapable of civil discourse.

P.) He still does not understand that the words he speaks, or tweets, are the official position of 1/3 of the US government, and so does not govern his words. He still thinks when he speaks it’s good ol’ Donald Trump. It’s not. It’s the PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES. You have probably spread a meme or two around talking about how no president’s every word has ever been dissected before…YES, THEY ALWAYS HAVE. It’s just that every other president in our lifetime has understood the importance of his words and took great care to govern his speech. Trump blurts out whatever comes to his mind then complains when people talk about what a dumb thing that was to say.

Q.) He’s unqualified. If you owned a small business and were looking for someone to manage it, and an unnamed resume came across your desk and you saw 6 bankruptcies, showing a man who had failed to make money running CASINOS, would you hire him? He is a very poor businessman. This is a man it has been estimated would have been worth $10 BILLION more if he’d just taken what his father had given him, invested it in Index Funds and left it alone.

R.) He is President. But he refuses to take a leadership position and understand that he is everyone’s President. Conservatives complain about liberals chanting “Not my President” while Trump himself behaves as if no one but his supporters matter.

S.) He’s a blatant hypocrite. He spent 8 years bitching Obama out for his family trips, or golfing, or any time he took for himself, and what does he do? He was already on his 20th golf outing in APRIL of his 1st year in office. He constantly rants about respect for the military, yet can’t be bothered to attend the 100th anniversary of Armistice Day because of a little rain. (And that excuse about Marine One not being able to fly in the rain is HILARIOUS.)

T.) He’s a misogynist. It's not really ok in this day and age to be a misogynist, but it’s not a huge deal if you’re a private citizen. It’s a pretty big deal if you hate half the people you’re elected to lead. The disdain for women seeps out of his …whatever…. and he just can’t hide it.

U.) Face it. In any other election “Grab Em’ By the Pussy” would have been the end of that candidate’s chances. Back in the 90’s I used to marvel about how Teflon Bill Clinton was. I no longer do. The fact that he managed to slip by on that is as much a statement about how much people hate Hillary Clinton as it is about what is wrong with politics in this country right now.

V.) He has one response to a differing opinion. Attack. A good leader listens to criticism, to different points of view, is capable of self-reflection, tries to guide people to his point of view, and when necessary stands his ground and defends his convictions. Any of that sound like Trump? His default is not to Lead, its’ to attack. Scorched Earth. The Jim Acosta reaction is a good example. There was no defense of his convictions when Acosta was asking him repeated questions about his rhetoric on the caravan. His response was to attack Acosta.

W.) He takes credit for everything positive while deflecting blame for everything negative. Look at him with the Stock Market. He’s been bragging about it since day one, and to give credit where credit is due, speculation on coming deregulation early in his presidency did fuel some rapid growth, but to pretend that it’s all him, that we’re not in the 9th year of the longest bull market in history and THEN, when the standard market volatility that deregulation inevitably brings about starts to show up? Yeah. Look at yesterday. Hey! Stock Markets losing because the Democrats won! Do I need to bring out the Stock market chart for the last 10 Years again?

X.) He emboldens the worst among us. Counter-protesters are slammed into by a car while countering actual Nazi rally, and the response is there’s fault on “Both Sides” The media is at fault for a nut job sending them and Donald’s favorite targets pipe bombs. The truth is not all Republicans, not all Trump Supporters are racist, fascist lunatics. Many are just taken in by the bombastic personality and are living in an information bubble made worse by the fact that they unfollow anyone and ignore any source of information that makes them feel uncomfortable. People on the left do that too. The Biggest problem the right has right now is that the worst of the Right is the loudest and the most in your face, and the actual right, especially the Freaking PRESIDENT needs to be standing up and saying No. Those are not our values.

Y.) He seems to think the Constitution of The United States, the document that IS who we are, the document he took an oath to support and defend is some sort of inconvenience. He demonstrates a complete lack of understanding of Constitution, from believing he can alter the 14th through executive order, to thinking The free exercise clause in the first amendment somehow supersedes the establishment clause (not that he really understands either) or that the free exercise clause only applies to Christians. Or his attacks on freedom of expression and the press. He repeatedly makes it clear that if he’s read them, he does not understand Articles 1–3, and that’s something he really should have before he took the job, because they’re not going away.

Z.) I’ll use Z for something I do blame him for, but the rest of us have to carry the blame too. Polarization. This country is more politically polarized than I can remember in my lifetime. Some of you who are a few years older than I may remember how it was in the late 60’s when construction workers in New York were being applauded for beating up hippies, I think it’s pretty close to that right now, but that was before my time. And he is the cause of much of the current level polarization, but also the result. It didn't’ start with Trump. We’ve been going down this road I think since the eruption of the Tea Party in the early years of the Obama Administration. I do hope the tide turns before it gets much worse because the thing that scares me more than anything is what if that keeps going the way it has been? "

//Meanwhile, I’m not a Liberal either, and I’m a veteran of 20 years with 13 deployments to combat zones.//

[codyssfern]

ooh, a request? okay so what about being shawns gf right in the middle of this clownery, like he has no choice but to do the pr stunt with c but then it keeps getting harder on him and after the day on the beach he totally breaks down and tells you he cant do it anymore and you comfort him and just 🥺 the angst 🥺 the fluff 🥺 the feels

decided to combine these two requests and give y’all a sequel. might want to read this one first.. enjoy ;)

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*  *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧ ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*  *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧✧･ﾟ:

“Shawn Mendes and Camila Cabello spice things up at Miami Beach!”

your heart sunk as you scrolled through all the pictures and videos of your ex boyfriend with the girl he sworn would never come between you two. it had been almost 4 weeks since you broke up with shawn. 4 weeks long heartbreaking weeks you’ve spent inside your apartment, watching movies, eating like never before, and going to sleep at 3am every night. you had tried your best to avoid any media outlets talking about your ex boyfriend but that’s kind of impossible when he’s one of the most famous people in the world. if it wasn’t your friends sending you articles, it was you turning on the tv and seeing nothing but shawn all over the screen. it was you in line waiting to buy breakfast and suddenly his song started playing. it was you cleaning your closet and stumbling upon one of his shirts. he was everywhere. everywhere but with you.

today it was your first day back at work after kindly asking your boss to give you some time off to sort out some things. when you arrived you were greeted with pity looks and endless hugs. you wanted the earth to swallow you whole but in a way it made you feel like everything you went through was real. andrew had made it his goal to keep your and shawn’s relationship out of the media, even before all of this he was always telling shawn to keep you two on the down low. of course there were always fans who saw more than what andrew wanted them to see, fans who questioned everything, and got suspicious. there was a bit of talk about you after the breakup, like “where is y/n? why isn’t she of any of the tour pictures anymore?” or “why did y/n and shawn unfollow each other?” but the questions remained unanswered.

-

“shawn just calm down!” 

but he couldn’t. he’d been pacing back and forth for the last 10 minutes, everyone in the room swore he had made a dent on the carpeted floor.

“i can’t do this anymore!” the soft cries and cracks in his voice made everyone go silent. “i can’t keep lying to my friends, my family- my fans! my girlfriend. my real girlfriend!” 

andrew started motioning for people to leave the room so it could just be him and shawn.”

“shawn to be fair y/n did break up with you..” gerty says as he closes the door.

shawn turns to him, “and would you care to tell me why?! why do you think she broke up with me?” 

gerty sighs, “kid you did sign the contract. you can’t keep blaming me or the rest of the team for your actions,” shawn couldn’t believe the words that were coming out of his mouth, “i know it’s been hard-”

“now you know that’s a load of bullshit andrew!” andrew’s eyes widened, he’s never seen shawn so angry, “you told me there was no reason for me to go over the contract because you already had. when i wanted to go over it myself you wouldn’t let me! you kept saying it was fine.”

shawn wanted to hop on a plane, go to y/n, and tell her that she was right all along. that he should’ve kept bugging andrew until he gave in and let him read the contract before signing it. hell that he shouldn’t have agreed to any contract in the first place. not one that he felt would put his career and personal life on the rocks. 

“i should’ve listened to y/n and fired your ass a long time ago!”

andrew knew that if any of this got out his ass would be dust. the label itself would fire him. as shawn’s manager he should never let shawn sign any contracts without having shawn go through them first. 

“i’m sorry kid but i did what i thought was best for your career. both me and camila’s team thought this would be a good thing-”

“well it wasn’t! it isn’t. its all bullshit and i want out of it.” shawn was desperate. he felt like his world was falling apart day by day and not to mention his anxiety lately was off the roof. “now if you can’t get me out of this mess i’m contacting a lawyer, a lawyer outside of the label and you know what that would mean for you.”

andrew had no other option but to agree. 

-

you weren’t so excited be back home. frankly you were tired of being alone. tired of moping around. you even asked your boss to give you an extra shift to cover for all the ones you missed but she didn’t allow it so you had no choice but to go home. you took a bath, made yourself dinner, and now you were watching tv in the living room with a fuzzy blanket wrapped around your cold body. you had a few glasses of wine with your dinner and you were starting to feel sleepy. alcohol always made you sleepy which was something shawn used to tease you about.

if it hadn’t been for the buzzing coming from the coffee table in front of you, you would’ve passed out cold. when you went to look at who was calling, you could have sworn your heart had stopped. 

shawn mendes

you wanted to click the small red button and continue with your night but your fingers didn’t move. it was like you were frozen. you let out a sigh of relief when the call failed through and his name was no longer on your screen... thought that didn’t last as long as you want it because not even a minute after he was calling again. 

“fuck it!” you said to yourself before pressing the green button. 

all you heard was loud shuffling. like a bunch of people were crowded in one tiny room but in less than a few seconds all you could hear was his voice.

“y/n...” 

you stood up and found yourself pacing around your living room, “i hope you’re not drunk right now shawn.” 

“i’m not. i’m just on the verge of losing my mind,” he admits, “i’m so sorry. i’m a fucking dumbass and you were right. you were right all along.” 

hearing him cry was almost as bad as seeing him cry. he had never cried on the phone with you and it all made you want to hop on a plane and go to him. 

“anxiety has been eating me alive since you left. i can’t do what they want me to do anymore- can’t be who they want me to be,” shawn cries, “please just tell me what to do y/n. help me.”

you felt stupid looking around your apartment as if you were going to find an answer that way. you felt as if a ticking bomb was about to go off any second now, you were confused. hurt. worried. but most of all scared. 

“shawn i can’t tell you what to do,” you start, “but just breathe okay? do the breathing exercises we used to do before a show,” you remind him, “take a deep breath, cmon.”

“i-i i can’t,” his chest was only getting tighter.

you took a deep breath and told him to do the same. soon enough he started following your actions. this wasn’t the first time shawn had called you while he was having an anxiety attack, there were common with him. 

“all better?” you let out a weak smile. 

shawn took one more deep breath before finally letting himself feel relaxed or well at least better. he was no way near feeling relaxed.

“yeah. thank you.” he smiles, “y/n i- i fucked up and i let the best thing in my life just walk out right out of it and i just fucking stood there like an idiot!” you chuckle making him let out a breathy laugh, “that night you left is like you took my heart with you or something and i just felt empty.”

you really didn’t know how much of this rambling and confessions you could keep listening to, it already had you tearing you and pouring yourself another glass of wine. 

“i just want one more chance. i want to do it right.” he finally finishes.

you groan in frustration, “shawn there’s just- i don’t think we can do that! it’s impossible. the last month of our relationship we spent it arguing it and saying so many horrible things to each other-”

“i know. i know,” he interrupts, “and i want to make it up to you. we should make it up to each other, we deserve one more chance... so just open the door, y/n.”

you were about to say something but then you realized what he said. 

“open the door? what door? like a metaphorical one...?” and then there was knocking on your front door.

there is no freaking way. you thought to yourself. 

“shawn i swear to god if you’re out there i’m gonna kick your ass.”

he laughs and you start walking towards the door, “i’d like to see you try.”

you unlock the door and it took you a few seconds before actually twisting the knob and opening it. you once again just stood there frozen as the tall boy stood in front of you looking at you as if you were the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen. and you were.

you chuckle in disbelief, “you fucking idiot.”

“please just.. come here.” 

he extends his arms out, inviting you into them and this time you don’t think twice about it. wrapping your arms around his waist and snuggling your head on his chest as he left a kiss on top of your head.

you could get used to this again. 

[twilightofthe]

SPOILERS FOR THE ENTIRE EPISODE 9 BENEATH THE CUT.  YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.

S O . . .

Honestly I’m kinda really glad I spoiled myself for this movie because I got really really upset by the reviews and went in with my expectations basically on the floor, so I was actually able to be pleased and happy with a couple things in the movie, so I will start off with the few things I did like.

I loved the Rey/Finn/Poe dynamic.  The actors’ chemistry works sooooo well together and I loved their adventure through the first two acts.  You can see how much these guys all genuinely like each other-- even tho the script seems to try VERY HARD to stick Poe and Finn with the worst case of “NO HOMO NO HOMO”-ing I’ve seen in Star Wars since Anakin and Obi Wan in The Clone Wars lol.  Seriously, the script is trying so so hard to pick fights between Poe and Finn, but blessed amazing Oscar Isaac and John Boyega manage to play it so the entire conflict reads more like Poe is jealous of Finn’s feelings over Rey, they act it VERY MUCH like quarreling lovers and it is completely 100% the work of John and Oscar and I love these two so much, I owe them my life.

I adore Rey and Finn’s chemistry too, they spend the entire film with Finn desperately worrying over Rey and Rey confiding her worries and fears to Finn and constantly giving each other looks and ugh, I love them so much.

Force Sensitive!Finn!!!  Just for a second but it happened!  They should have been more blatant but I like that he canonically is!!!

Just in general, I’ve always been a Jedistormpilot shipper, and I feel the ending really leaves that as an open option I will happily take.

The bits with the Resistance and Leia did the best they could with Carrie’s footage.  It was choppy and kinda obvious that footage was all they had to work with, but they tried their hardest and given what little they had to work with, I will unhappily accept it and the fact that Leia had little to no role in the story.  I’m still really upset about it and her character’s death was so damn anticlimactic, but it was what happened.

Billy Dee Williams was charming and awesome as Lando, I loved seeing him, and he did a wonderful job, even if he was just a nostalgia cameo.

3PO was entertaining as ever!  I liked him!  They definitely sidelined R2 way too much, but I was glad to see 3PO and I was glad that he didn’t permanently lose his memory!  The only thing I was kinda ehhh about was the bit with the dagger and the Sith language because the way he was suddenly able to translate it after not being able to translate it?????  Did not make sense at all???????????

Abrams fucking got me with the nostalgia for a second during the Luke Force Ghost scene.  I’m sorry, but I was so happy to see that Leia had done a bit of Jedi training then chose to give it up, I loved the callback to Yoda lifting the X-Wing but then Luke’s ghost did it-- COMPLETE WITH THE OG MUSIC!!!!!  Mark knocked it out of the park and I just love seeing him.

Same for Ian and Sidious!  While I personally did not like the Sidious plot at all and I will expand more on that later, I loved seeing Mr. McDiarmid again and he always just fills me with a bit of glee being his dramatic Palpy self because he’s just as good and as hatable as he’s always been and I thank him for it.

I think that was about it for what I liked, and honestly that was all the work of the talented actors and me being happy to see them pulling off their characters to the best of their abilities.  The plot itself???  Ehhhhhhhhhh.....

Look, as I mentioned before, I liked the Jedistormpilot mission.  That was fun.  

The entire Resistance plot?  Way way way too staggered and jumped around too much, not going into detail, felt a lot like it was trying to cram in everything with little payoff and not much emphasis placed on the importance of its plan so the audience really doesn’t get time to register everything that’s happening with them, let alone care about them

Naomi Ackie did a charming job with Jannah, I would have liked it if her entire plot didn’t kinda invalidate Finn’s overall story arc.  I get they were trying to say “oh look!  Finn’s not alone!  There are other ex-stormtrooper rebels!  Just like Finn!!!”  Instead what it looks like is saying basically that Finn isn’t special, Finn’s defection wasn’t important overall, literally everyone does it, and it means nothing.

(Also going off of this, it really felt like JJ caved to the TLJ hate and totally sidelined Rose, she did like jacksquat in this and I’m mad)

The thing is, I don’t think the Resistance plot and the search for Palpy mission would have been as scattered and rushed and disorganized IF: Rey Palpatine wasn’t a thing, Reylo wasn’t a thing, and Force Ghosts were utilized more.

Look, I was fine with Palpy coming back (on a condition).  Someone had to be the big bad and Disney is too worried about toy sales for it to ever be Kylo, so I knew Sidious could work-- provided they brought back the Skywalkers whose stories were intertwined with his and involved them in his ultimate downfall somehow.

I was fine with Rey Nobody. I was a little mad all the Skywalker legacy was going to her without her earning it really, but I figured that if the final film connected her with the Skywalkers properly, it would be fine, she had time to earn it.

Instead, we got little to no Skywalkers-- one Luke scene that meant nothing to the plot, scraped together Leia footage they could only take so far, and a fucking muddled voiceover from the man who Sidious screwed over the most, the one who originally killed him, the one who should have been THERE.  Look, I should have known they would never actually bring Anakin back, but dammit, he SHOULD HAVE BEEN THERE.  HE SHOULD HAVE.  This was his story originally, like it or not, and the entire goddamn Sequel Trilogy never so much as said his name, even when they brought back the creep that destroyed his life and he was supposed to give his own to defeat.

Literally no one asked for the Rey Palpatine plot.  It made no sense, you feel nothing for her “heroic” parents because you know literally nothing about either of them, the convoluted logic on why/why not Sidious wants her alive makes no sense.  His goal makes no sense, it’s confusing, so he wants Kylo to kill her but he also doesn’t, he wants Rey there so she can kill him and he can transfer his life force into her and then he’ll bring the Sith back somehow with all that hooded crowd on the bottom of Exetor???  Where did they even come from??  What happened to the canon saying all the dead Sith were on Korriban?  How is Palpy even gonna use Rey to bring back the other Sith????  When can his ghost/zombie corpse/whatever the fuck he is just fucking pull life energy out of people’s chests?  

What they should have focused on instead of the timeline devoted to Rey Palpatine was keep Sidious as the threat, keep all his other “raising the dead Sith” stuff-- just move his hidey hole to Korriban dammit --and have all the Rey’s parents plot shift to scenes with her interacting with Luke and Anakin’s Force Ghosts trying to figure out how to take down Palps together once and for all.  Let her get adopted into the Skywalker family by the only two who actually carried the name, not just have her randomly take it at the end after interacting with Luke freaking once.  She has seemingly close relationships with Leia and Ben, dammit, in that case she should have been Rey Solo or Rey Organa.

Also have Luke’s Force Ghost replace the nonsense with whatever guy Luke was apparently working with to track down Sidious on Exetor-- we never saw all of that and having aaaaaall of that background wordvomited onto us by 3PO at once makes it jarring and confusing and forgettable.  Literally just have Luke show up and tell them!!!!  

Han’s appearance to Kylo on whatsitsname Endor water moon???  Also should have been Anakin if they really wanted to show Kylo/Ben’s beginning to turn (really it should have been Leia but again I get why they couldn’t) back to the Light via a convo with the dead.  Like omgggg let him finally talk to the grandfather he was trying to impress!!  The opening was right there????  But nope, Han is there, and I guess whatever he says is suddenly enough to turn him good again???

(THIS ALSO MEANS MY FUCKING FANFIC WAS RIGHT.  HAN SOLO IS A FORCE GHOST.  WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK.  THAT WAS LITERALLY THE ONE THING I PROCLAIMED WOULD NOT BE CANON.  I’M THE NEW ORACLE OF DELPHI BITCHES.  WHAT THE FUCK.)

Aaaaand this brings me to the romance.  The fucking romance.  Look, I’m sorry if you guys all do, I really am, and I respect if you want to unfollow, but I never have been able to stomach Reylo.  Ever.  I never saw the romance.  I saw pain and abuse and one-sided obsession.  Check that, I will admit that I always saw some sort of want from Kylo.  Adam played him very much being obsessed with having Rey with him for some reason throughout all the films, but it also always played as toxic, and him not knowing what to do with that want, and just lashing out and abusing and forcing himself on her at every turn.  It never played as a healthy relationship and it never played like Kylo should be rewarded for it.  And this entire film????  I see still no romance????  Like the first half is just Rey being damn furious at Kylo, hating him, literally wanting nothing to do with him.  I think another part of it is that I have never in the films seen Rey as having romantic or emotional feelings for Kylo, not ever.  Not consistantly.  It’s always just been an entire film’s worth of her despising him-- no not in an enemies to lovers UST despising, like actual hate and frustration --and then one singular bizarre scene that sticks out like a wart on a face where she suddenly does a 180 and is soft with him, like in the elevator scene in TLJ or the ending scene of TROS.  I wouldn’t even say Rey feels soft for Kylo the first damn time she stabs and kills him before healing him.  That to me seems a lot more like guilt to Leia her mentor over stabbing her son, and healing him for Leia’s sake than Rey actually wanting him alive.  Maybe that’s just because from what I’ve seen, Daisy isn’t the biggest Reylo fan and just didn’t play it with her heart.

I’m glad Ben was redeemed, after what Sidious put that family through, I would have been upset with the last Skywalker descendant dying in Dark disgrace.  But I’ve never been able to like his character really because they never fully let him be evil or an intriguing villain character, but they never showed him as good.  I’m sorry, but the comics don’t do it for me either because it seems they’re just trying to slightly alter Anakin’s issues and problems and stick them onto him and go “see they’re the same!” and it just rings fake and irritating for me, and his sudden turnaround does not have the same weight behind it because I don’t even know what he really turned back to the Light for.  Was it for Rey?  That obsession didn’t look like love.  Was it for Leia?  We never got to see him speak two words to her.  Was it for Han?  Possibly?!?!  That scene was not clear?!??!?!!?!  It sure as hell wasn’t for Anakin or Luke because they weren’t allowed to interact with him at all.  His return to the Light made no real sense because there wasn’t a clear motive besides “plot says so” and I Could Not See the logic in Rey suddenly wanting to make out with him, whether he saved her or not.  Really the one good thing about it was that their lack of chemistry throughout the film means that if I ignore the fact that that kiss happened, it’s pretty easy to pretend they never got together ;D  Plus, that Jedistormpilot hug at the very end tho, like I said, possibilities........

AND ANOTHER THING (god I really am a crotchety old lady), THE ABILITIES OF BEN AND REY TO BRING EACH OTHER BACK FROM DEATH.  Rey effortlessly healed a straight saber wound through the gut that has fucking killed multiple trained Force users dead and even more non Force users, healed it in seconds.  Now I probably seem like the biggest hypocrite here as I’m planning on having Anakin survive that same exact type of wound in a fic I’m writing (spoilers for those reading it lol but not really, did y’all actually think I was gonna kill him like that xD  And that in no means says he’s gonna recover completely...), but the difference is that I’m not having him survive through someone else effortlessly curing the wound.  If Ben survived that gut wound by healing himself, using his raw energy that all Skywalkers are supposed to have, I would be able to believe that.  Self preservation will to live saved Vader on Mustafar, saved Luke, saved fucking Sidious.  

But the matter is, if Rey was so powerful that she could just heal Ben from dying like that, why the fuck in the prequels is Anakin so panicked over his loved ones dying ever?  He’s supposed to be the most powerful Force user in existence, more powerful than Rey, shouldn’t he have been able to do that for say, Shmi??  One might argue, “but Rey’s had training!”  Who trained her?  Leia, who learned from Luke, who learned from Obi Wan and Yoda, neither of whom knew how to fucking do that and pass it down, don’t tell me they did.  The other option is that Rey did it untrained on natural talented instinct, which again, in that case, why couldn’t Anakin figure that out?  Why didn’t any Jedi?  Rey worked off of emotion healing Ben, Anakin should have been able to figure that out too.  I will accept Ben’s energy transfer to Rey saving her after she died later as that literally killed him, that makes sense, trading energy at an equal point-- and further canonizes my theory that Sidious was able to steal and drain Padmé’s life energy through her bond with Anakin to save him after he burned, which was the actual reason Pads died in Ep 3.  But Rey effortlessly bringing Ben back like that????  I just can’t, that just doesn’t work for canon for me.  I’m sorry, but no.

My final issue is the sheer amount of ignoring this trilogy did of the prequels.  I’ve already ranted about Anakin not showing up when he should and I will not repeat myself, this rant got long and I’m getting tired, but he should have been there, dammit.  He really should have.  Luke should have had more screentime.  That bit at the end where Rey hears all of the other Jedi’s voices speaking to her???  I’m sorry, but that really does break canon!  It was supposed to be only Qui Gon’s line, or those he taught and could pass it down, who could become Force Ghosts, and as delighted as I was to hear Kanan again and Windu and Luminara and everyone else, their voices should not have been there as they are not Force Ghosts! (and this is only partially me whinging over the fact that in my Force Ghost fic I have already stupidly proclaimed that only Qui Gon’s line has become ghosts and now I somehow have to fix that o_o)

(ALSO also the appearance of Ahsoka Tano amongst the voices means that she is dead which means they had the actual audacity to fucking kill her off OFFSCREEN with no explanation which grrrrrr)

One last whine about the romance, everything with Zorri Bliss and Poe seemed really forced and just another way for the script to blare out “HE’S NOT IN LOVE WITH FINN HE’S NOT HE’S STRAIGHT SUPER STRAIGHT LOOK LOOK LOOK”, tho Zorri’s character herself was fun without the forced romance.

Look, overall, I really liked the characters of the sequels, but I felt the plot was really poorly executed, and I really felt that this was not the “Skywalker Saga”.  The Skywalkers felt cast aside and put in the background and ignored and totally invalidated.  They were my favorites and I feel the narrative let them down and it makes my heart unhappy.  It really feels like abusers like Palpatine and Kylo got to win at the expense of their victims, and that really makes my heart unhappy.  That’s just my personal feelings.  Nothing wrong if you did like it, but it’s just me.  I miss my Skywalkers and their happy ending and I probably always will.  I probs won’t ever really be satisfied with what happened to them, tho I will work my hardest on it.  I guess that’s it.

[seh406]

A.) He lies. A LOT. Politifact rates 69% of the words he speaks as “Mostly False or worse” Only 17% of the things he says get a “Mostly True” or better rating. That is an absolutely unbelievable number. How he doesn’t speak more truth by mistake is beyond me. To put it in context, Obama’s rating was 26% mostly false or worse, and I had a problem with that. Many of Trump’s former business associates report that he has always been a compulsive liar, but now he’s the President of the United States, and that’s a problem. And this is a man who expects you to believe him when he points at other people and says “They’re lying”

B.) He’s an authoritarian populist, not a conservative. He advances regressive social policy while proposing to expand federal spending and federalist authority over states, both of which conservatives are supposed to hate.

C.) He pretends at Christianity to court the Religious Right but fails to live anything resembling a Christ-Like Life.

D.) His nationalist “America First” message effectively alienates us and removes us from our place as leaders in the international community.

E.) His ideas on “Keeping us safe” are all thinly veiled ideas to remove our freedoms, he is, after all, an authoritarian first. He has shown that they also are simply bad ideas.

F.) He couldn’t pass a 3rd-grade civics exam. He doesn't’ know what he’s doing. He doesn't understand how international relations work, he doesn’t understand how federal state or local governments work, and every time someone tries to “Run it like a business” it’s a spectacular failure. See Colorado Springs’ recent history as an example. “The Short, Unhappy Life of a Libertarian Paradise” and that was a businessman with a MUCH better business track record than Trump. We are talking about a man who lost money owning a freaking gambling casino.

G.) He behaves unethically and always has. As a businessman, he constantly left in his wake unpaid contractors and invoices, litigation, broken promises, whatever he could get away with.

H.) He is damaging our relationships with our best international friends while kissing up to nations that do not have our best interests in mind. To his question “Wouldn't’ it be great to have better relations with Russia?” The answer is Yes. But it is RUSSIA who needs to earn that, who must stop doing the things that are damaging to that relationship, or we are simply weaker for it.

I.) He has never seen a shortcut he didn't like, and you can’t take shortcuts in government. “Nuclear Option, Remove the Filibuster, I’ll change the Constitution by Executive Order…Don…what happens when you remove the filibuster and the other side retakes the majority in the Senate? Suddenly want that filibuster back? What happens if you manage to change the Constitution by Executive Order and an Anti-2A President wins the next election?

J.) He behaves and has always behaved as an unabashed racist. Yes, I’ve seen your favorite meme that claims he was never accused of racism before the Democrats…Absolutely false. Donald Trump’s long history of racism, from the 1970s to 2019 See the Central Park 5, the lawsuits and fines resulting from his refusal to lease to black tenants, the 1992 lost appeal trying to overturn penalties for removing black dealers from tables, his remarks to the house native American affairs subcommittee in 1993. The man sees and treats racial groups of people as monoliths.

K.) He is systematically steamrolling regulations specifically designed to keep a disaster like the 2007 subprime mortgage crisis from happening again.

L.) He speaks and acts like a demagogue. He sees the Legislative and Judicial branches of government as inconveniences, blows up at criticism no matter how deserved and actively tries to countermand constitutional processes, not to mention attempts to blackmail and coerce people who are saying negative things about him

M.) His choices for top positions, with the exception of Gen. Mattis, who is a gem, have been horrendous. A secretary of Education without a resume that would get her hired as a small town grammar school principal, A secretary of Energy who didn't know the Department of Energy was responsible for nuclear reserves, an EPA head whose biggest accomplishments to date had been suing the EPA on multiple occasions, an FCC head who while working for Verizon actively lobbied to kill net neutrality, and an Attorney General who thinks pot is “nearly as bad as heroin” and asked Congress for permission to go after legal pot businesses in states where it is legal. (There goes that great Republican States rights rally cry again, right? *Crickets*) An Interim AG after Firing his First AG who’s appointment is probably unconstitutional.

N.) He denies scientific fact. We’ve all witnessed this with the latest world disaster, the Coronavirus. He was warned by scientists and doctors very early on that this could happen but he totally ignored these warnings which has had un-reversible repercussions. Have you also noticed that the only people you hear denying climate change are politicians and lobbyists? 99% of actual scientists studying the issue agree that it’s real, man-made and caused by greenhouse gasses. Ever notice that every big disaster movie starts with a bunch of politicians in a room ignoring a scientist's warning?

0.) He does not have the temperament to lead this nation. He is thin skinned, childish, and a bully, never mind misogynistic, boorish, rude, and incapable of civil discourse.

P.) He still does not understand that the words he speaks, or tweets, are the official position of 1/3 of the US government, and so does not govern his words. He still thinks when he speaks it’s good ole’ Donald Trump. It’s not. It’s the PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES. You have probably spread a meme or two around talking about how no president’s every word has ever been dissected before…YES, THEY ALWAYS HAVE. It’s just that every other president in our lifetime has understood the importance of his words and took great care to govern his speech. Trump blurts out whatever comes to his mind then complains when people talk about what a dumb thing that was to say.

Q.) He’s unqualified. If you owned a small business and were looking for someone to manage it, and an unnamed resume came across your desk and you saw 6 bankruptcies, showing a man who had failed to make money running CASINOS, would you hire him? He is a very poor businessman. This is a man it has been estimated would have been worth $10 BILLION more if he’d just taken what his father had given him, invested it in Index Funds and left it alone.

R.) He is the President. But he refuses to take a leadership position and understand that he is everyone’s President. Again, this has been recently demonstrated with the Coronavirus Pandemic. Conservatives complain about liberals chanting “Not my President” while Trump himself behaves as if no one but his supporters matter.

S.) He’s a blatant hypocrite. He spent 8 years bitching Obama out for his family trips, or golfing, or any time he took for himself, and what does he do? He was already on his 20th golf outing in APRIL of his 1st year in office. He constantly rants about respect for the military, yet can’t be bothered to attend the 100th anniversary of Armistice Day because of a little rain. (And that excuse about Marine One not being able to fly in the rain is HILARIOUS.)

T.) He’s a misogynist. It's not really ok in this day and age to be a misogynist, but it’s not a huge deal if you’re a private citizen. It’s a pretty big deal if you hate half the people you’re elected to lead. The disdain for women seeps out of his …whatever…. and he just can’t hide it.

U.) Face it. In any other election “Grab Em’ By the Pussy” would have been the end of that candidate’s chances. Back in the 90’s I used to marvel about how Teflon Bill Clinton was. I no longer do. The fact that he managed to slip by on that is as much a statement about how much people hate Hillary Clinton as it is about what is wrong with politics in this country right now.

V.) He has one response to a differing opinion. ATTACK. A good leader listens to criticism, to different points of view, is capable of self-reflection, tries to guide people to his point of view, and when necessary stands his ground and defends his convictions. Does any of this sound like Trump? His default is not to Lead, its’ to attack. Scorched Earth. The Jim Acosta reaction is a good example. There was no defense of his convictions when Acosta was asking him repeated questions about his rhetoric on the caravan. His response was to attack Acosta and he’s done this many times now with the

W.) He takes credit for everything positive while deflecting blame for everything negative. Look at him with the Stock Market. He’s been bragging about it since day one, and to give credit where credit is due, speculation on coming deregulation early in his presidency did fuel some rapid growth, but to pretend that it’s all him, that we’re not in the 9th year of the longest bull market in history and THEN, when the standard market volatility that deregulation inevitably brings about starts to show up? Yeah. Look at yesterday. Hey! Stock Markets losing because the Democrats won! Do I need to bring out the Stock market chart for the last 10 Years again?

X.) He emboldens the worst among us. Counter-protesters are slammed into by a car while countering actual Nazi rally, and the response is there’s fault on “Both Sides” The media is at fault for a nut job sending them and Donald’s favorite targets pipe bombs. The truth is not all Republicans, not all Trump Supporters are racist, fascist lunatics. Many are just taken in by the bombastic personality and are living in an information bubble made worse by the fact that they unfollow anyone and ignore any source of information that makes them feel uncomfortable. People on the left do that too. The biggest problem the right has right now is that the worst of the Right is the loudest and the most in your face, and the actual right, especially the Freaking PRESIDENT needs to be standing up and saying No. Those are not our values.

Y.) He seems to think the Constitution of The United States, the document that IS who we are, the document he took an oath to support and defend is some sort of inconvenience. He demonstrates a complete lack of understanding of Constitution, from believing he can alter the 14th through executive order, to thinking The free exercise clause in the first amendment somehow supersedes the establishment clause (not that he really understands either) or that the free exercise clause only applies to Christians. Or his attacks on freedom of expression and the press. He repeatedly makes it clear that if he’s read them, he does not understand Articles 1–3, and that’s something he really should have before he took the job, because they’re not going away.

Z.) I’ll use Z for something I do blame him for, but the rest of us have to carry the blame too. Polarization. This country is more politically polarized than I can remember in my lifetime. Some may remember how it was in the late 60’s when construction workers in New York were being applauded for beating up hippies, I think it’s pretty close to that right now. And he is the cause of much of the current level polarization, but also the result. It didn't’ start with Trump. We’ve been going down this road I think since the eruption of the Tea Party in the early years of the Obama administration. I was hoping the tide would turn before it got much worse because the thing that scared me more than anything is what if that keeps going the way it has been? Well, that ship has sailed given Trumps past record and the latest current events that have gone horribly wrong.

If you’ve read this far, thank you for reading my reasons which I hope has given you my insight rather than just some superfluous statement I could have made that would have been pretty meaningless of why I cannot and never will support this man as someone I respect, let alone support him as our President.

[feministshawnmendes]

Give In - PT.2

A/N: hiiii okay so I decided to go ahead and post part 2 because why not? I really like these characters but I really don’t know if I’ll continue writing this? Idk I like the concept but I have a couple ideas for oneshots I want to write so we’ll see.

Summary: y/n and Shawn meet in a coffee shop. Featuring a special guest.

_______

Over the weekend Y/N had managed to distract herself with a handful of completely unnecessary and expensive workout classes. She needed something to focus on. Something that wasn’t him. Something that didn’t build up her anxiety around talking to him again. She knew it was probably nothing. But she couldn’t help but speculate what it was he wanted to talk about and she knew that coming up with a list of possibilities would only make her more anxious. So she basically Zumba’d her way through the weekend, scheduling coffee dates and workout classes with her friends as a distraction.

When Monday came she had managed to get through the morning without feeling on edge about her pending meeting with Shawn. Work was what had helped steady her throughout the year since the divorce. She always felt a sense of calm when she was at the office even though she was constantly on the go. The cycle of busyness was in a lot ways a distraction for her - if she was busy with numbers, ad sales, hiring new execs, etc that occupied more time in her mind than dealing with the aftermath of her divorce.

Y/N had breezed through her morning with an easiness she was accustomed to. But when noon rolled around of course she felt on edge. She told her assistant, Kerry, she’d be back in an hour and headed to her car. She didn’t want to do this. She didn’t want to face him again. Didn’t want to sit across from her. Especially not at Alchemist. Why had he picked that place of all places? Sure it was close to her office but it was also their favorite in the early stages of their relationship. The little coffee shop in Koreatown had been her favorite since moving to LA. It felt like there was little left in her life that didn’t remind her of him.

She got there before he did, ordering herself an iced americano and a croissant. She had just taken her seat, reaching for her coffee when Shawn strolled in with Andrew. Her heart sunk. She’d learned over the years that the sight of Andrew wasn’t always good. He’d been there at the beginning stages of their relationship to warn them that they better keep a low profile, had been there to tell them that they needed to keep their relationship private when news finally leaked about them, he’d strongly advised that they wait to get married - saying Shawn was at the height of his career and that he’d get swept away with married life, he was there to tell them to really consider what having a kid might do for Shawn’s career - the balance of attentive father and Rockstar hard to manage. He’d also been there at the beginning stages of their divorce, coaching Y/N heavily on what she could and couldn’t say about the divorce just like he’d coached Shawn. She loved Andrew and she knew that throughout the years his concern always came from a good place - he’d been by Shawn’s side for years and wanted him to succeed as much as Shawm himself did. Still, Andrew was often the bearer of bad news and harsh criticism.

Shawn’s eyes scanned the small coffee shop, his eyes landing on Y/N as she sipped her iced americano. She waved at him and Andrew, both of them smiling as they waved back. Shawn whispered something to Andrew, who nodded before going to the counter to order. Shawn shrugged off the gray zipped hoodie he was wearing as he made his way over to Y/N. He was wearing a pair of black jeans and a loose white t-shirt with a pair of adidas. He’d always been such a simple dresser.

“Hey,” he breathed as he threw his jacket over the back of the chair across from her, pulling it out and plopping down with a sigh. “How’s it going?”

“Fine,” She said easily even though she could feel her stomach filling with nerves. He smiled, nodding as his eyes shifted down to see that she’d gotten what she always did. He couldn’t help but smile wider. Y/N, as much as she was game for a new adventure, had always managed to in so many ways be predicable. “How’s the new album going?”

Shawn’s eyes met hers again, his smile gently falling as he shifted in his chair. She’d figured that he’d been writing. Adrian had been coming home - saying daddy had let him play a few chords on his guitar, that he’d gotten to watch daddy sing in his music room, that daddy had let him sing whatever he wanted into the microphone in one of the music rooms.

“How’d you...” He started, Y/N’s lips curving into an uneasy smile.

“Adrian’s not the best at keeping secrets,” she chuckled. Shawn couldn’t help but laugh too, sinking a little in his seat as he crossed his arms over his chest. Y/N played with the straw in her drink, swirling it around nervously as she stared up at Shawn.

He sighed, sitting up straighter and leaning forward, setting his elbows on the table in front of him. “Listen, Y/N. I know there’s already been a lot of talk about whether or not I’m gonna write about the divorce on this album and - I...”

“Does Andrew want to coach me again?” She interjected, her tone flat. Everything felt so mechanical sometimes with these things - she’d been fed what to say to fans and journalists so many times by Andrew and publicists that it became routine. She took a sip of her coffee, her eyes fixed on Shawn.

“Look I didn’t want - “ he started before getting cut off by Andrew who said a quick and excited hello to y/n. He set two Americanos on the table before opening his arms, y/n standing up and giving him a quick hug.

“You look great, Y/N” Andrew beamed as he took a seat next to Shawn. She gave a curt smile, knowing what was coming. Andrew gave a short nod and took a long sip of his coffee. “Listen. I’m not here to coach you, Y/N. I think we all know you’re smart enough to figure out what to say on your own by now. We’re actually here to talk business”

“Okay,” She said, crossing her legs and straightening up in her seat. “Shoot.”

“There’s been a lot of speculation about whether or not any of the songs on Shawn’s next album are about the divorce. Obviously, some are and everyone will figure out which ones are but we don’t want that to be the dominating narrative surrounding this next album release. People already think that the divorce has been messy - with all the unfollowing and then refollowing on socials and the pictures of separate Christmases and what not. We want you to be a united front prior to the album release - to paint a picture of happy co-parents. You know how this goes, y/n. I also know that you know you can say no.”

“I’m confused,” She said suddenly. “I mean - sure things at the beginning were messy but I never thought that people had this idea that we weren’t successfully co-parenting Adrian.”

“Well,” Andrew sighed. “The general perception is that you two are amicable - at best - but definitely not the picture perfect example of how to happily co-parent. You guys are hardly photographed at school events together, you celebrate holidays separately. Look, everyone was used to your relationship being very public for a very long time. And all of a sudden all of that has ended - people are bound to speculate what that means about what’s happening behind closed doors.”

“So what?” Y/N breathed out. “What is it you’re asking, exactly? Give me specifics before I give you my answer”

“All we want is a couple public outings together over the next couple of months, a picture or two of the three of you celebrating Christmas together posted to your socials. Enough to put people’s suspicions to rest of you two having a messy divorce.”

She could have said no. Could have angrily huffed away and refused to be part of this stupid game. She’d always struggled with this part of Shawn’s life. Feeling like she always had to be aware of how everyone was perceiving her and what they thought about her and Shawn. Always feeling like she had to say yes. That’s ultimately what had lead to their divorce. Shawn, like always, dealt with everything with ease. At least the public part of it he’d managed to deal with well. Always putting people’s minds at ease, always speaking candidly about whatever concerns or rumors had been swirling about. Y/N had grown to love Shawn’s fans and the way they loved him but the scrutiny was hard to deal with. She had always been self-critical and after her and Shawn had gone public - her insecurities only intensified. Shawn tried his best to understand it but his fierce loyalty to his fans sometimes blinded him. He’d tell her they loved her, even if they didn’t. Even if they did, she wasn’t built the same way he was to brush off the criticism. He had been doing it for years - his career and his art meaning more to him than any amount of criticism and scrutiny. She didn’t have as big of a stake as he had in it all - and he didn’t understand that.

“You can say no,” Shawn had finally spoken up. Y/N sighed as she shook her head and grabbed her purse from the back of her chair, sliding it over her shoulder. Shawn’s eyes stayed glued on her as she stood up abruptly and grabbed her drink from the table, looking down at Shawn and Andrew - both of them wide eyed.

“Fine.” She said simply.

“Y/N -“ Shawn started.

“I have a couple phone calls with some big clients to make. Is that it?” She asked with a cold look, looking down at her phone. Andrew nodded, knowing not to challenge her. As much as Andrew called the shots when it came to Shawn’s public image, over the years he’d developed a healthy fear of Y/N , knowing well enough that she was calculated and capable enough to call the shots if she really wanted to. She’d done it before.

“That’s it.” He answered, folding his hands together and setting them on the table as she nodded back. She muttered a quick goodbye, her heart racing and her eyes burning as she walked quickly past the two men and out the door. She thanked God for what felt like the privacy that Koreatown provided. She and Shawn had rarely - if ever - managed to get photographed in Koreatown.

She didn’t want to cry but the scratch that had begun to tickle her throat was inching its way up and it only seemed to get worse the faster she rushed to her car, her grip on her iced coffee tightening as she got closer. She knew she didn’t owe it to him. Knew she had the option to say no. But she hated that she couldn’t. Hated that after all this time - he’d still prioritized all of it above everything else. She knew he loved Adrian. Knew that he cared about him more than anything in the world. But she still was mad at him for choosing to be gone so much. Hated that she had to be the one to take care of their little boy while Shawn was out doing what he loved the most. She knew he would have stopped. He would have come home. Would have stopped all of it for a little bit if she asked him to. But she knew she never could. She couldn’t ask him to stop being Shawn Mendes.

“Y/N!” His voice called out as she shakily tried to find her car keys in her purse while still managing to hold her iced coffee. She ignored him, digging desperately as she felt her eyes glaze over. Maybe she could learn to hate him.

Finally, her fingers met the cold metal of her keychain tucked at the bottom of her bag. She pulled out her keys, unlocking the car, tears rolling onto her cheeks as her body shook as she tried to control her emotions. She’d grown used to trying to suppress everything but over the past year it felt like it was every day she was having to manage her emotions, to stop herself from crying. She felt exhausted from all of it, from no longer being able to control herself.

She went to climb into her car, reaching for the door handle when she saw Shawn move closer to her. She moved away from him as he tried to reach out for her. She couldn’t remember the last time he’d touched her and the thought of it felt foreign to her. Scary.

“Hey,” he said in a hushed tone, noticing her teary eyes and wet cheeks. “Oh hey hey hey -“

“Shawn please -“ She hiccuped, caught off guard by her own inability to handle her emotions. She sighed, a defeated breath leaving her lips as she closed her eyes and another tear rolled down her cheek. In all the years they’d been together Shawn had only really seen y/n seriously cry a handful of times. She always teared up while watching sad movies or the news but she rarely ever cried besides that. She’d cried when he’d proposed, when Adrian had been born and when she’d told him she was filing for divorce. She’d always been the steady one in their relationship - providing an emotional steadiness that he’d needed. She didn’t worry much, didn’t get angry too easily. She was always pretty level headed and even tempered. Which made her decision to file for a divorce even more shocking to him.

“I don’t want a picture of me crying in front of you circulating. It’ll only add to the speculation,” She choked out. Her eyes were starting to get puffy, like they always did when she cried. She could feel her cheeks growing red. She didn’t look at him, keeping her hand on the door handle, ready to escape as soon as possible.

Shawn was quiet, shoving his hands in his pockets as he watched y/n try to steady her uneven breathing. Even after everything, she was so concerned about him. Even in the middle of crying she was looking out for him. He’d fallen in love with the way loving him seemed so easy to her. The way she didn’t have to think twice about going along with whatever he threw her way. She always had questions, concerns and frustrations but they had always been able to sort through it all. He’d said so many dark and harsh things to her in the midst of their divorce - yet here she was, still choosing to be on his side in ways he knew he hadn’t been for her. Here she was, always the steady one between the two of them. Little did he know that this had become her new normal. Crying because of him.

She’d managed to steady her breathing, her tears less frequent as she dusted the tears from her cheeks. She sighed, her baby hairs yet again managing to poke out of her bun. She looked over at Shawn, whose eyes hadn’t left her. She wanted to cry again but she stopped herself.

He couldn’t help but fall in love with her all over again. He always did. Everything she did made him fall even harder. That’d been part of their problem. They saw all the good parts in each other, idealizing each other. Neither of them were good at dealing with the less than perfect parts of their relationship. Looking at her, puffy eyed and out of breath from crying should have turned him off but it made him so painfully aware that he was still hopelessly in love with her.

He’d always been amazed by how she was so effortlessly beautiful. Not in the predicable way that you’d imagine but in the unexpected way that always caught him off guard. He remembered the first time he’d looked at her and realized that he had feelings for her. He’d known her for well over a year, she had integrated herself effortlessly into his friend group after Andrew had introduced them to each other. They were at some swanky party that was put together for one of the big sponsors of his upcoming tour. She was making the rounds, as she always did, talking to execs and big deal business people with ease. He couldn’t remember what she was wearing exactly but he remembered thinking how beautiful she looked and how he couldn’t stop looking over at her. He remembered when she’d finally made her way over to him and their friends, watching her face light up when she started talking about a new client at a nonprofit that she was excited to work with. He remembered how watching her and listening to her passionately talk about the important work the nonprofit was doing, and her excitement to help them made his whole body tingle in a way it never had. He remembered watching her and slowly feeling a lightness creep into his chest. She had so comfortably reached out and set a hand on his arm when she got particularly excited, something she always did but something that felt different as he fell hopelessly in love with her within seconds.

That night had changed his whole life. They’d known each other for a while but that night he’d wanted to know everything about her. He wanted to spend as much time with her. He had wanted to kiss her that night, offering to take her home when she had confessed that she’d had maybe one too many free glasses of wine. Instead he took her home and asked her if she was doing anything the next day. She’d said, “no dummyyyy it’s Saturday!” in her tipsy state. They’d agreed to meet for coffee the next day as they stood in the doorway of her apartment, Shawn telling her he’d pick her up and drive her to her abandoned car the next day. She had laughed and confessed how embarrassed she was, making it so much easier for Shawn to fall hopelessly in love with her.

Watching her wet eyelashes kiss her tan cheeks, Shawn wanted nothing more than to tell her. To spill his guts like he always did. But he didn’t.

“Hey,” he whispered, bravely deciding to reach out and let his fingers brush against her cheek. He hated the way she naturally leaned into his touch. It made it all so much harder knowing that she wasn’t his. But, for now, he was thankful that she didn’t coil away. He’d missed the way her skin felt underneath his touch, her face smooth as his thumb wiped away the moisture on her cheek.

She wished that just the simple feeling of his hand cupping her face didn’t comfort her instantly but it did. She’d spent so many nights crying, missing the way he’d always been able to comfort her but knowing that he could no longer be that person for her.

He wanted to say something else, wanted to make her feel better. Try and distract her and keep her close like he always used to. But he didn’t know what to say, didn’t know if she wanted that.

She felt his fingers twitch as they moved away from her cheek, going to smooth down the little hairs that were framing her face, his hand going back to cup her face like it always had when he’d push her hair away from her face. Only this time his thumb hovered over her lips, daring to run across them like he had done so many times before. His eyes danced across her face, trying to read her expression. He’d done it so many times before but obviously things were different. There were new boundaries now. What they were? Neither of them was sure. He let out a shallow breath, his hot breath hitting her lips.

“Hey,” He whispered as his thumb settled at the corner of her mouth, running across it soothingly. His eyes were glued to her lips, noticing the way they were parted. He’d kissed her so many times before that he’d never imagined what it might be like to not be able to. He noticed the way he was leaning into her instinctively, kissing her feeling like second nature. He’d noticed the way she pulled back the moment he’d lost grip of what he was doing. She removed herself from his touch, his hand falling to his side.

“Y/n I’m sorry. I didn’t - “

“Hey,” She started, shaking her head. “It’s fine. Let’s not talk about it”

But he wanted to. He wanted to tell her so badly.

“It’s just instinct, you know” She laughed dryly. “It was an accident”

But it wasn’t. Sure it was instinct, his body reacting to her the way it always had but an accident? He wanted even more to tell her that it wasn’t, that kissing her was sometimes the only thing he felt sure about.

“Hey,” She said, wiping away the remaining tears from her face, able to so quickly compose herself. He never understood how she did it. How she managed to so quickly move on from whatever she was feeling. How she was able to push aside any worries or anxieties she might have. “Adrian’s class has a field trip to Santa Monica this Friday. What says “happy co-parents” more than chaperoning together?”

He couldn’t help but laugh a little, his lips curving into a huge smile as she gave him one of her bright smiles. Here she was again, being on his side. Ignoring the fact that she’d been crying minutes earlier, instead trying to find a solution to his problem. He wanted even more to reach out and kiss her or even just touch her. But now he knew where she stood. Knew that as much as he’d prayed that she’d change her mind, she wasn’t going to.

“Yeah that’d be cool,” he smiled. “Uh - can you email me the chaperone form? I’m assuming you already have it on file?”

She laughed and nodded. He knew her too well.

“Yeah I will,” She said quietly. They quickly said their goodbyes, y/n getting into her car and pulling away from the parking lot in record speed. She wanted to be sad. Wanted to cry about how unfair everything was. But all she could think about was how he’d touched her. How it was the first time in a year that they’d been that close. She hated the way that such a small gesture had made her stomach flare up and had put her worries at ease. She hated that all she could think about now was Friday and being with him. She had been set on finally trying to hate him just a little and in a matter of minutes he had made it impossible.

[myworld50]

A person asked the question, "Why are people so hostile towards President Donald Trump?"

Chris O'Leary:

Before you pass my answer off as “Another Liberal Snowflake” consider that

1.) I'm an independent centrist who has voted Republican way more often in my life than Democrat, and

2.) If you want to call someone who spent the entire decade of his 20’s serving in the Marine Corps a snowflake, I’d be ready to answer the question what did you do with your 20’s?

Why Liberals (And not-so liberals) are against President Trump.

A.) He lies. A LOT. Politifact rates 69% of the words he speaks as “Mostly False or worse” Only 17% of the things he says get a “Mostly True” or better rating. That is an absolutely unbelievable number. How he doesn’t speak more truth by mistake is beyond me. To put it in context, Obama’s rating was 26% mostly false or worse, and I had a problem with that. Many of Trump’s former business associates report that he has always been a compulsive liar, but now he’s the President of the United States, and that’s a problem. And this is a man who expects you to believe him when he points at other people and says “They’re lying”

B.) He’s an authoritarian populist, not a conservative. He advances regressive social policy while proposing to expand federal spending and federalist authority over states, both of which conservatives are supposed to hate.

C.) He pretends at Christianity to court the Religious Right but fails to live anything resembling a Christ-Like Life.

D.) His nationalist “America First” message effectively alienates us and removes us from our place as leaders in the international community.

E.) His ideas on “Keeping us safe” are all thinly veiled ideas to remove our freedoms, he is, after all, an authoritarian first. They also are simply bad ideas.

F.) He couldn’t pass a 3rd-grade civics exam. He doesn't’ know what he’s doing. He doesn't understand how international relations work, he doesn’t understand how federal state or local governments work, and every time someone tries to “Run it like a business” it’s a spectacular failure. See Colorado Springs’ recent history as an example. The Short, Unhappy Life of a Libertarian Paradise And that was a businessman with a MUCH better business track record than Trump. We are talking about a man who lost money owning a freaking gambling casino.

G.) He behaves unethicaly and always has. As a businessman, he constantly left in his wake unpaid contractors and invoices, litigation, broken promises, whatever he could get away with.

H.) He is damaging our relationships with our best international friends while kissing up to nations that do not have our best interests in mind. To his question “Wouldn't’ it be great to have better relations with Russia?” The answer is Yes. But it is RUSSIA who needs to earn that, who must stop doing the things that are damaging to that relationship, or we are simply weaker for it.

I.) He has never seen a shortcut he didn't like, and you can’t take shortcuts in government. “Nuclear Option, Remove the Filibuster, I’ll change the Constitution by Executive Order…Don…what happens when you remove the filibuster and the other side retakes the majority in the Senate? Suddenly want that filibuster back? What happens if you manage to change the Constitution by Executive Order and an Anti-2A President wins the next election?

J.) He behaves and has always behaved as an unabashed racist. Yes, I’ve seen your favorite meme that claims he was never accused of racism before the Democrats…Absolutely false. Donald Trump’s long history of racism, from the 1970s to 2019 See the Central Park 5, the lawsuits and fines resulting from his refusal to lease to black tenants, the 1992 lost appeal trying to overturn penalties for removing black dealers from tables, his remarks to the house native American affairs subcommittee in 1993. The man sees and treats racial groups of people as monoliths.

K.) He is systematically steamrolling regulations specifically designed to keep a disaster like the 2007 subprime mortgage crisis from happening again.

L.) He speaks and acts like a demagogue. He sees the Legislative and Judicial branches of government as inconveniences, blows up at criticism no matter how deserved and actively tries to countermand constitutional processes, not to mention attempts to blackmail and coerce people who are saying negative things about him

M.) His choices for top positions, with the exception of Gen. Mattis, who is a gem, have been horrendous. A secretary of Education without a resume that would get her hired as a small town grammar school principal, A secretary of Energy who didn't know the Department of Energy was responsible for nuclear reserves, an EPA head whose biggest accomplishments to date had been suing the EPA on multiple occasions, an FCC head who while working for Verizon actively lobbied to kill net neutrality, and an Attorney General who thinks pot is “nearly as bad as heroin” and asked Congress for permission to go after legal pot businesses in states where it is legal. (There goes that great Republican States rights rally cry again, right? *Crickets*) An Interim AG after Firing his First AG who’s appointment is probably unconstitutional.

N.) He denies scientific fact. Ever notice that the only people you hear denying climate change are politicians and lobbyists? 99% of actual scientists studying the issue agree that it’s real, man-made and caused by greenhouse gasses. Ever notice that every big disaster movie starts with a bunch of politicians in a room ignoring a scientist's warning?

0.) He does not have the temperament to lead this nation. He is Thin Skinned, childish, and a bully, never mind misogynistic, boorish, rude, and incapable of civil discourse.

P.) He still does not understand that the words he speaks, or tweets, are the official position of 1/3 of the US government, and so does not govern his words. He still thinks when he speaks it’s good ol’ Donald Trump. It’s not. It’s the PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES. You have probably spread a meme or two around talking about how no president’s every word has ever been dissected before…YES, THEY ALWAYS HAVE. It’s just that every other president in our lifetime has understood the importance of his words and took great care to govern his speech. Trump blurts out whatever comes to his mind then complains when people talk about what a dumb thing that was to say.

Q.) He’s unqualified. If you owned a small business and were looking for someone to manage it, and an unnamed resume came across your desk and you saw 6 bankruptcies, showing a man who had failed to make money running CASINOS, would you hire him? He is a very poor businessman. This is a man it has been estimated would have been worth $10 BILLION more if he’d just taken what his father had given him, invested it in Index Funds and left it alone.

R.) He is President. But he refuses to take a leadership position and understand that he is everyone’s President. Conservatives complain about liberals chanting “Not my President” while Trump himself behaves as if no one but his supporters matter.

S.) He’s a blatant hypocrite. He spent 8 years bitching Obama out for his family trips, or golfing, or any time he took for himself, and what does he do? He was already on his 20th golf outing in APRIL of his 1st year in office. He constantly rants about respect for the military, yet can’t be bothered to attend the 100th anniversary of Armistice Day because of a little rain. (And that excuse about Marine One not being able to fly in the rain is HILARIOUS.)

T.) He’s a misogynist. It's not really ok in this day and age to be a misogynist, but it’s not a huge deal if you’re a private citizen. It’s a pretty big deal if you hate half the people you’re elected to lead. The disdain for women seeps out of his …whatever…. and he just can’t hide it.

U.) Face it. In any other election “Grab Em’ By the Pussy” would have been the end of that candidate’s chances. Back in the 90’s I used to marvel about how Teflon Bill Clinton was. I no longer do. The fact that he managed to slip by on that is as much a statement about how much people hate Hillary Clinton as it is about what is wrong with politics in this country right now.

V.) He has one response to a differing opinion. Attack. A good leader listens to criticism, to different points of view, is capable of self-reflection, tries to guide people to his point of view, and when necessary stands his ground and defends his convictions. Any of that sound like Trump? His default is not to Lead, its’ to attack. Scorched Earth. The Jim Acosta reaction is a good example. There was no defense of his convictions when Acosta was asking him repeated questions about his rhetoric on the caravan. His response was to attack Acosta.

W.) He takes credit for everything positive while deflecting blame for everything negative. Look at him with the Stock Market. He’s been bragging about it since day one, and to give credit where credit is due, speculation on coming deregulation early in his presidency did fuel some rapid growth, but to pretend that it’s all him, that we’re not in the 9th year of the longest bull market in history and THEN, when the standard market volatility that deregulation inevitably brings about starts to show up? Yeah. Look at yesterday. Hey! Stock Markets losing because the Democrats won! Do I need to bring out the Stock market chart for the last 10 Years again?

X.) He emboldens the worst among us. Counter-protesters are slammed into by a car while countering actual Nazi rally, and the response is there’s fault on “Both Sides” The media is at fault for a nut job sending them and Donald’s favorite targets pipe bombs. The truth is not all Republicans, not all Trump Supporters are racist, fascist lunatics. Many are just taken in by the bombastic personality and are living in an information bubble made worse by the fact that they unfollow anyone and ignore any source of information that makes them feel uncomfortable. People on the left do that too. The Biggest problem the right has right now is that the worst of the Right is the loudest and the most in your face, and the actual right, especially the Freaking PRESIDENT needs to be standing up and saying No. Those are not our values.

Y.) He seems to think the Constitution of The United States, the document that IS who we are, the document he took an oath to support and defend is some sort of inconvenience. He demonstrates a complete lack of understanding of Constitution, from believing he can alter the 14th through executive order, to thinking The free exercise clause in the first amendment somehow supersedes the establishment clause (not that he really understands either) or that the free exercise clause only applies to Christians. Or his attacks on freedom of expression and the press. He repeatedly makes it clear that if he’s read them, he does not understand Articles 1–3, and that’s something he really should have before he took the job, because they’re not going away.

Z.) I’ll use Z for something I do blame him for, but the rest of us have to carry the blame too. Polarization. This country is more politically polarized than I can remember in my lifetime. Some of you who are a few years older than I may remember how it was in the late 60’s when construction workers in New York were being applauded for beating up hippies, I think it’s pretty close to that right now, but that was before my time. And he is the cause of much of the current level polarization, but also the result. It didn't’ start with Trump. We’ve been going down this road I think since the eruption of the Tea Party in the early years of the Obama Administration. I do hope the tide turns before it gets much worse because the thing that scares me more than anything is what if that keeps going the way it has been? "

*snagged from a friends wall:

[hhunjins]

Pairing: Seungmin x gender neutral reader (past Minho x reader/Felix x reader)

Genre: college!au, mostly fluff with slight angst (or the other way around, aslkjafd I’m bad at this)

Word Count: ~3,500

Warnings: None

Note: Using the American school system because it’s the only one I understand oops

Summary: With all of the everchanging things surrounding your life, you need at least one thing to be stagnant.

Seungmin comes like a rainbow at the end of a storm and, maybe, he can become that one thing.

Honestly, you don’t even know why you’re mad.

Maybe it’s the unfairness of it all and how wronged you feel. Or maybe it’s an accumulation of a lot of things and he tipped you over the edge. Whatever it was, you are upset, and you aren’t going to back down this time.

In some ways, Minho is right. It’s been nearly two years. There should be more than there is now. Your friends always tease you about how you two look like you’ve been only dating for a few months. Hand holding, hugs, the occasional peck on the cheek. Never more. So he’s right to want more.

But is that all there is in a relationship? Physical contact? PDA? For you, it wasn’t, and Minho knows that too.

There have been so many arguments about this very topic, but even if he says, “fine,” you know that he doesn’t really mean it. Every time he looks at you with guilt written all over his features and apologizes for pushing too far, it feels real until it isn’t.

You’re sick of the apologies. You’re sick of trying to accommodate when you really aren’t ready.

Minho texts you again, your phone screen lighting up with his name. No matter how much you stare at it, you can’t find it within you to reply.

It feels weird to walk into the campus coffee shop without Minho by your side. He always went with you for your daily coffee fix. But now he isn’t, and you can’t help but think that there’s yet one more thing gone wrong. You order your vanilla latte and scroll through Instagram on your phone while you wait.

Minho’s deleted all the pictures of you on his account. You’re surprised he hasn’t unfollowed and blocked you, but maybe this is better than nothing. He was a good friend before he was your boyfriend, and this might mean there’s a chance you could mend any loose ends.

Your name is called and you quickly exit the app before you start to overthink. You have a lecture to go to and any lingering thoughts about your ex-boyfriend isn’t going to fare well.

The coffee tastes bitterer than usual, even with the ample amount of sugar inside.

There is a boy who sits next to you in your psychology lecture. He’s your seatmate, has been since the beginning of the semester. He’s a sweet thing, always smiles and makes small talk before your professor walks into the hall and drones on for the next hour and a half. You’ve even exchanged numbers so you can help each other on assignments. It’s nice to have someone to send you notes when you’re too drained to make it to class, and you’re glad that he’s dependable. Seungmin saves you a seat whenever he comes earlier than you. He’s waiting for you today, earbuds plugged in and playing some game on his phone. He looks up when you arrive and takes his backpack off the seat so you can sit.

“Morning,” he greets.

You give him a smile. “Hi, Seungmin.”

“Are you okay? You look down.”

Your face scrunches up as you balance the cup of coffee in one hand and try to unzip your backpack with the other. He ends up taking the cup from your hands so you don’t spill. “Kind of TMI, but I just broke up with my boyfriend yesterday. It’s not really a good time.”

“Oh…Sorry for asking.” Seungmin looks so upset that you rush to reassure him.

“It’s really fine. It was coming anyway.”

He doesn’t look comforted at all.

“Let’s talk about something else.” You take your coffee back and hold it in both hands. “Did you start your paper?”

Seungmin groans, arms stretching out above him. “I have one sentence for my introduction and it’s not even that good.”

You let out a small laugh. “Want to work on it together?”

He checks through his schedule and then says, “After class on Thursday?”

You nod. “Sounds good. Campus coffee shop?”

He grins. “Okay.”

“Mom, I’m not coming back.”

“Why not? We all miss you here. You haven’t even talked to your brother or step-father in months.”

“I’m not coming back, and that’s that. I like it here, and so I’m staying,” you argue. You can hear her huff indignantly over the phone and mutter something about you being an ungrateful brat. “I have things to do, so I’m hanging up now.”

“Y/n, at least come back for Christmas.”

“I’ll think about it, but no promises.”

“That’s what you said last–”

“Bye,” you cut her off and end the call. She immediately tries to call you back, but you reject the call and turn your ringer off. From across the table, you see Seungmin glance over the top of his laptop, but he pretends like he didn’t hear anything. You’re sure he could though, even with his earbuds. You have a habit of getting heated when you talk to your family.

“Everything okay?” he asks, eyes not straying from his screen.

“My mom wants me back home for the holidays, but I’m really not feeling it.”

Seungmin nods in understanding. “Ah. They’re overbearing?”

You shrug. “I don’t have a good relationship with my mom, and ever since she got remarried, it’s been rough.” You pause. “Sorry, that was a lot. I didn’t mean to dump it on you.”

“It’s fine.” Seungmin gives you a reassuring smile, eyes curving into half moons, and you feel your stomach do a flip. He turns his computer around. “Hey, can you read this and tell me what you think?”

You skim through his introduction. “You could probably do without this sentence, but otherwise, it’s good. Your thesis is perfect.”

“Wow, the perks of having an English major as a seatmate.” He’s looking at you in awe, and you can’t help but laugh a little. “You’re amazing.”

“I don’t know what I’m going to be doing with it, but thanks.” You push his laptop back to him, eyes lingering a bit too long on the way his hair falls over his eyes.

It’s 2:13 a.m. and you’re working on your psychology paper out of pure boredom, when your phone lights up with a text. You glance over to see who it is and are surprised to see that it’s Seungmin.

“I hope you’re awake, or at least that your phone is on silent if you’re not since I didn’t mean to wake you up. But could you read my psych paper and give me feedback? Also is there another day we can meet up? I’ll pay for coffee since you’re the one doing me the favor even this is supposed to be a mutual thing.” He sends a sad face with the text.

You bite your lower lip to stifle the smile that’s starting to bloom on your lips. When you open the message, he immediately sends, “Please tell me you were awake.”

“I was awake,” you send back. “And yes, send it to my email. Does Tuesday after class sound okay? Also, it’s nothing!!”

Seungmin takes a while to respond, but he sends you a smiley face and a simple, “yes.”

You aren’t sure when it started. Maybe it was after your parents had their divorce and your father walked out of your life without even sparing a glance at the six-year-old child clinging onto his pant leg. Maybe it was seeing your mother fall completely in love with another man like she was never married in the first place. Maybe it was watching them get married because she had a little one on the way. Maybe it was the way your half-brother got all the love from both parents that you never did.

At one point, you found yourself disgusted by the displays of affection in movies and television. It was worse at school, because everyone had a crush, and everyone was dating someone, and you were just…there.

You had tried it out once in middle school. Felix was nice and funny, and it was okay until the annual school dance rolled around. His hand on your waist felt out of place, but it was bearable. It was when everyone starting chanting for you two to kiss and he leaned in that you felt yourself freezing up. You had broken up with him a few weeks later, because you felt too uncomfortable with him afterwards. It wasn’t his fault, and you made sure he knew. You’re still friends with him, but you only ever interact on social media. Sometimes, he comes to you for relationship advice, though you’re not sure why. It’s probably because you were his first girlfriend and that holds some sort of sentiment.

Minho came around during college, after you moved across the country because home never felt like home. You were more mature, more understanding of what you wanted and what you didn’t. He was the older boyfriend every girl dreamed of: sweet, patient, caring, and not to mention very easy on the eyes. Minho was the first person you befriended, and he eventually turned into something more. He was perfect, but it was his experience and your lack of that made you fall apart. He was ready for more while you just wanted something steady to hold onto.

Maybe it’s just you.

Tuesday comes fast. You don’t have a coffee in your hands since you’re going after class with Seungmin anyway, but that means you’re grumpier than usual.

Seungmin’s smile makes you feel a little better, but you’ve been thinking so much over the weekend that you’re tired of looking at the male population.

“Are you okay? The week barely started, y/n,” he laughs.

“It’s been a rough weekend,” you mumble. “And I didn’t get coffee.”

“Are you sure you can sit through ninety minutes of lecture without caffeine?” He’s teasing you, you can tell by the lilting tone in his voice. Suddenly, he gets serious. “But if you’re not feeling it, we don’t have to meet up today.”

You shake your head. “I think I just need coffee. Please wake me up if I fall asleep though.”

Seungmin doesn’t. You only realize you fell asleep after lecture when he taps your shoulder and offers, once again, to cancel working together. “You didn’t wake me up!”

“I already sent you the notes. Besides, you look like you needed the sleep.”

Huffing, you pack up your unopened notebook. “We should work on the essay though. If you could read mine over, that would be great.”

“Of course.”

All of the thinking over the weekend has made you realize that you’re thankful for the space Seungmin puts between the two of you when you walk. When you walked on this same path with Minho, he always had his arm slung around your shoulder or his fingers were intertwined with yours. Seungmin holds the door open for you and gives you a cheeky grin that makes you suddenly jolt with the realization that this is Seungmin, not Minho. Minho isn’t with you anymore. However, when you enter, the smell of freshly ground coffee beans fills you up and the thoughts disappear.

“Grab a table, I’ll order for you. Medium vanilla latte?”

“Yeah.” You fish through your pocket for money and pull out a five-dollar bill that he refuses to take. “I’m not letting you pay!”

“This is an apology for not waking you up during lecture.” Seungmin sticks his tongue out at you and dashes off before you can say another word.

Your stomach does a weird turn.

“How is it that our papers are literally about the same thing but yours sounds so much better than mine?” Seungmin groans.

You hide a smile behind your drink and shrug. “Writing comes naturally. It doesn’t really matter the subject, I just like it.”

“I’m jealous.” Seungmin runs his hands through his hair but doesn’t let go of the strands when he reaches the ends. “I can do everything but write.”

“I’m really bad at math, if that makes you feel any better.” Your eyes drift across the coffee shop, surveying the décor and layout of the place. You’ve been here so many times, but never took the time to really appreciate the ambiance. Seungmin is refocused on his paper, so you begin to day dream. You look outside, looking into the main quad area and the clumps of people sitting in the grass. Your eyes travel a bit further and stop on a group of familiar guys as they walk past the window.

It’s too late to break eye contact. You’ve stared for too long. Your fingers tighten around the cup of coffee and you let out a soft gasp that has Seungmin glancing up.

“Y/n?”

Minho looks at you, then at Seungmin, and then back to you. His expression doesn’t give away what he’s thinking, but you’re sure there’s hurt written somewhere in his eyes. Then, he clenches his jaw and looks away, lips curling up into a smile directed at his friends.

Seungmin follows your gaze and finds who you are staring at. Connecting the dots, he lightly kicks your leg under the table to grab your attention. You’re still staring, even though Minho is long gone. “Hey. Do you want to talk to me about it?”

You sigh and shake your head. “It’s nothing.”

“It’s something. But if you’re not comfortable, you don’t have to. But know that I’m here if you need me to be.” Seungmin nods earnestly and smiles.

The sparkles in his eyes are beautiful.

Love was never an easy thing. You didn’t hate it, but it wasn’t something that you welcomed so easily. It was easy to walk out and that uncertainty made you uneasy. But when in love, it was harder to keep the balance. What did you want that your partner didn’t? Where was the line drawn? How much did you have to give up to keep the peace, to continue being happy?

You weren’t sure. You didn’t have good enough experiences with it to ever figure it out.

But with the way Seungmin never probes too far and gives you the space you need, you may or may not be falling in love with him.

“I can’t believe I got 90% on this. A whole month of work has paid off.” Seungmin kisses his paper and holds it up to the sky. “I owe you my grade.”

You laugh at his silliness. “There’s still the final, Seungmin.”

“But this solidified my grade.” He has a big grin on his face that makes you smile too. “I’ll buy you coffee?”

“I already had one before class. It’s okay.”

Seungmin hesitates for a moment. “Then what about lunch?”

Of course you run into Minho. It’s even more awkward this time because you’re both in the middle of a conversation when you make eye contact and somehow you both seem to stop talking at the same time. You’re trying to overlook the fact that the girl he’s with is playing with his fingers on the tabletop. The chances of you running into him like this are one in a million, but you’ve been awfully lucky with awkward encounters recently.

The smile on Minho’s face slips off faster than you can blink. He looks over at Seungmin again, gaze lingering longer than before, and then back to you with an unreadable expression. The girl turns to look to see what caught his attention and she gives you a questioning look.

You feel a nudge on your shoulder. “Let’s go somewhere else, this place is really crowded today.” Seungmin forces a laugh. There are plenty of empty tables right in your field of vision, but you’re thankful he’s trying. “Come on.”

Once you’re outside, you let out a breath you didn’t think you were holding, and you pause to close your eyes for a moment. “I’m not sure I’m in the mood to eat anymore, Seungmin.”

Seungmin contemplates for a moment, looking back at the restaurant and then at you. “Let’s talk about it instead. You have a lot pent up, don’t you? You can tell me.”

Seungmin’s eyes are warm like the coffee you love so much, and his smile is like the sun that lights up your day.

You hate yourself for thinking how Seungmin fills in all the empty spots that Minho left.

“People show love differently. For you, it’s with emotions rather than with physical touch, and there’s nothing wrong with that.” Seungmin chews on his fry thoughtfully. “My mom showed me she loved me by cutting up fruits for me when I was studying. My dad showed me love by telling me he was proud of me. People seem to think that kissing and sex is the only way you show someone you love them, but it really isn’t.”

You spin your straw in your soda. “I guess it’s the pressure of society telling me that it is.”

Seungmin dips his fry into his little ketchup cup. “Well, you don’t always have to listen to it.” When he sees that you’re still unsure about yourself, he scoots closer to the table. “Hey. There’s nothing wrong with you being hesitant to do all those things. You have your boundaries and your partner should respect that. They should understand. If they don’t, they aren’t worth it.”

“I don’t know, Seungmin. I just feel like I owe it to him for being with me so long. We spent two years together. That’s a long time.”

“Y/n.” Seungmin’s voice sounds so firm you look up in surprise. “You don’t owe anyone anything.”

Your heart skips a beat.

Finals creeps up on you and hits you in the face. You’re normally on top of it all, but with all the emotional turmoil you’ve been experiencing and another awkward encounter with Minho and his new girlfriend that you had to get over, you’re not ready. Seungmin, the ever-reliable seat mate, sends you his annotated study guide and the link to his online flash cards.

“Good luck. Hopefully I’ll see you in another class,” Seungmin whispers as the test is passed out.

You give him a small smile. “Good luck.”

With all the help he gave you, the test is relatively easy, but you spend extra time going over your answers to make sure. Seungmin finishes before you and gives you a wink when he walks past you and out of the hall. You hand in the final a few minutes after he does and leave, feeling lighter. What you’re not expecting is him waiting at the door.

“Woah, I thought you left,” you say.

“I was going to, but I came back.”

“Did you forget something?”

Seungmin hesitates, face contorting into a weird expression for a moment and then into a thin smile. “Would you like to go on a date with me, y/n?”

Your housemates have left to go home during the semester break. You’re determined not to fly thousands of miles and be stuck in a house where you feel like you don’t belong.

Last year, Minho stayed over and was glued to your side every moment of the day. He slept on the couch because you didn’t want him sleeping on your bed and he complained about it the entire time. You went through the entire break with guilt pooling in your stomach and annoyance pulsing through your veins. The argument that followed that almost separated you two.

This year, Seungmin shows up around noon after you’ve woken up and leaves after dinner. There’s a pillow between your legs whenever you curl up on the couch together to watch a movie. He texts you and asks if you want to call and sends you pictures of cats instead of hearts, though you know they mean the same thing.

Seungmin holds you steady, keeps you grounded and secure in the world that’s constantly changing. He’s up until the ungodly hours of the night, and ready to reply to whatever random thought you have on your mind. You’re not so sure what makes him different from the other two, but when he raises his hand for a high-five after something good happens instead of his arms for a hug, you feel your insides twist in a good way.

It’s the subtle things that made you fall for him. Like the way he smiles and offers to listen without forcing you into anything. And the way he never invades your personal bubble until you nod when he cocks his head to the side as his way of asking. And the way he makes you feel comfortable in your own skin, like you’re not being pressured into holding his hand, or hugging him, or kissing him.

Seungmin has made you feel like you belong, like you’re not some weird freak that doesn’t like being touched by their significant other. He has made you feel accepted and has made you accept yourself – that’s the biggest thing.

Maybe that’s why you’ve been going steady for the past year.

[honeychildoz]

"Why are people so hostile towards President Donald Trump?" Chris O'Leary:

1.) I'm an independent centrist who has voted Republican way more often in my life than Democrat, and 2.) If you want to call someone who spent the entire decade of his 20’s serving in the Marine Corps a snowflake, I’d be ready to answer the question what did you do with your 20’s?

Why Liberals (And not-so liberals) are against President Trump.

A.) He lies. A LOT. Politifact rates 69% of the words he speaks as “Mostly False or worse” Only 17% of the things he says get a “Mostly True” or better rating. That is an absolutely unbelievable number. How he doesn’t speak more truth by mistake is beyond me. To put it in context, Obama’s rating was 26% mostly false or worse, and I had a problem with that. Many of Trump’s former business associates report that he has always been a compulsive liar, but now he’s the President of the United States, and that’s a problem. And this is a man who expects you to believe him when he points at other people and says “They’re lying”

B.) He’s an authoritarian populist, not a conservative. He advances regressive social policy while proposing to expand federal spending and federalist authority over states, both of which conservatives are supposed to hate.

C.) He pretends at Christianity to court the Religious Right but fails to live anything resembling a Christ-Like Life.

D.) His nationalist “America First” message effectively alienates us and removes us from our place as leaders in the international community.

E.) His ideas on “Keeping us safe” are all thinly veiled ideas to remove our freedoms, he is, after all, an authoritarian first. They also are simply bad ideas.

F.) He couldn’t pass a 3rd-grade civics exam. He doesn't’ know what he’s doing. He doesn't understand how international relations work, he doesn’t understand how federal state or local governments work, and every time someone tries to “Run it like a business” it’s a spectacular failure. See Colorado Springs’ recent history as an example. The Short, Unhappy Life of a Libertarian Paradise And that was a businessman with a MUCH better business track record than Trump. We are talking about a man who lost money owning a freaking gambling casino.

G.) He behaves unethicaly and always has. As a businessman, he constantly left in his wake unpaid contractors and invoices, litigation, broken promises, whatever he could get away with.

H.) He is damaging our relationships with our best international friends while kissing up to nations that do not have our best interests in mind. To his question “Wouldn't’ it be great to have better relations with Russia?” The answer is Yes. But it is RUSSIA who needs to earn that, who must stop doing the things that are damaging to that relationship, or we are simply weaker for it.

I.) He has never seen a shortcut he didn't like, and you can’t take shortcuts in government. “Nuclear Option, Remove the Filibuster, I’ll change the Constitution by Executive Order…Don…what happens when you remove the filibuster and the other side retakes the majority in the Senate? Suddenly want that filibuster back? What happens if you manage to change the Constitution by Executive Order and an Anti-2A President wins the next election?

J.) He behaves and has always behaved as an unabashed racist. Yes, I’ve seen your favorite meme that claims he was never accused of racism before the Democrats…Absolutely false. Donald Trump’s long history of racism, from the 1970s to 2019 See the Central Park 5, the lawsuits and fines resulting from his refusal to lease to black tenants, the 1992 lost appeal trying to overturn penalties for removing black dealers from tables, his remarks to the house native American affairs subcommittee in 1993. The man sees and treats racial groups of people as monoliths.

K.) He is systematically steamrolling regulations specifically designed to keep a disaster like the 2007 subprime mortgage crisis from happening again.

L.) He speaks and acts like a demagogue. He sees the Legislative and Judicial branches of government as inconveniences, blows up at criticism no matter how deserved and actively tries to countermand constitutional processes, not to mention attempts to blackmail and coerce people who are saying negative things about him

M.) His choices for top positions, with the exception of Gen. Mattis, who is a gem, have been horrendous. A secretary of Education without a resume that would get her hired as a small town grammar school principal, A secretary of Energy who didn't know the Department of Energy was responsible for nuclear reserves, an EPA head whose biggest accomplishments to date had been suing the EPA on multiple occasions, an FCC head who while working for Verizon actively lobbied to kill net neutrality, and an Attorney General who thinks pot is “nearly as bad as heroin” and asked Congress for permission to go after legal pot businesses in states where it is legal. (There goes that great Republican States rights rally cry again, right? *Crickets*) An Interim AG after Firing his First AG who’s appointment is probably unconstitutional.

N.) He denies scientific fact. Ever notice that the only people you hear denying climate change are politicians and lobbyists? 99% of actual scientists studying the issue agree that it’s real, man-made and caused by greenhouse gasses. Ever notice that every big disaster movie starts with a bunch of politicians in a room ignoring a scientist's warning?

0.) He does not have the temperament to lead this nation. He is Thin Skinned, childish, and a bully, never mind misogynistic, boorish, rude, and incapable of civil discourse.

P.) He still does not understand that the words he speaks, or tweets, are the official position of 1/3 of the US government, and so does not govern his words. He still thinks when he speaks it’s good ol’ Donald Trump. It’s not. It’s the PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES. You have probably spread a meme or two around talking about how no president’s every word has ever been dissected before…YES, THEY ALWAYS HAVE. It’s just that every other president in our lifetime has understood the importance of his words and took great care to govern his speech. Trump blurts out whatever comes to his mind then complains when people talk about what a dumb thing that was to say.

Q.) He’s unqualified. If you owned a small business and were looking for someone to manage it, and an unnamed resume came across your desk and you saw 6 bankruptcies, showing a man who had failed to make money running CASINOS, would you hire him? He is a very poor businessman. This is a man it has been estimated would have been worth $10 BILLION more if he’d just taken what his father had given him, invested it in Index Funds and left it alone.

R.) He is President. But he refuses to take a leadership position and understand that he is everyone’s President. Conservatives complain about liberals chanting “Not my President” while Trump himself behaves as if no one but his supporters matter.

S.) He’s a blatant hypocrite. He spent 8 years bitching Obama out for his family trips, or golfing, or any time he took for himself, and what does he do? He was already on his 20th golf outing in APRIL of his 1st year in office. He constantly rants about respect for the military, yet can’t be bothered to attend the 100th anniversary of Armistice Day because of a little rain. (And that excuse about Marine One not being able to fly in the rain is HILARIOUS.)

T.) He’s a misogynist. It's not really ok in this day and age to be a misogynist, but it’s not a huge deal if you’re a private citizen. It’s a pretty big deal if you hate half the people you’re elected to lead. The disdain for women seeps out of his …whatever…. and he just can’t hide it.

U.) Face it. In any other election “Grab Em’ By the Pussy” would have been the end of that candidate’s chances. Back in the 90’s I used to marvel about how Teflon Bill Clinton was. I no longer do. The fact that he managed to slip by on that is as much a statement about how much people hate Hillary Clinton as it is about what is wrong with politics in this country right now.

V.) He has one response to a differing opinion. Attack. A good leader listens to criticism, to different points of view, is capable of self-reflection, tries to guide people to his point of view, and when necessary stands his ground and defends his convictions. Any of that sound like Trump? His default is not to Lead, its’ to attack. Scorched Earth. The Jim Acosta reaction is a good example. There was no defense of his convictions when Acosta was asking him repeated questions about his rhetoric on the caravan. His response was to attack Acosta.

W.) He takes credit for everything positive while deflecting blame for everything negative. Look at him with the Stock Market. He’s been bragging about it since day one, and to give credit where credit is due, speculation on coming deregulation early in his presidency did fuel some rapid growth, but to pretend that it’s all him, that we’re not in the 9th year of the longest bull market in history and THEN, when the standard market volatility that deregulation inevitably brings about starts to show up? Yeah. Look at yesterday. Hey! Stock Markets losing because the Democrats won! Do I need to bring out the Stock market chart for the last 10 Years again?

X.) He emboldens the worst among us. Counter-protesters are slammed into by a car while countering actual Nazi rally, and the response is there’s fault on “Both Sides” The media is at fault for a nut job sending them and Donald’s favorite targets pipe bombs. The truth is not all Republicans, not all Trump Supporters are racist, fascist lunatics. Many are just taken in by the bombastic personality and are living in an information bubble made worse by the fact that they unfollow anyone and ignore any source of information that makes them feel uncomfortable. People on the left do that too. The Biggest problem the right has right now is that the worst of the Right is the loudest and the most in your face, and the actual right, especially the Freaking PRESIDENT needs to be standing up and saying No. Those are not our values.

Y.) He seems to think the Constitution of The United States, the document that IS who we are, the document he took an oath to support and defend is some sort of inconvenience. He demonstrates a complete lack of understanding of Constitution, from believing he can alter the 14th through executive order, to thinking The free exercise clause in the first amendment somehow supersedes the establishment clause (not that he really understands either) or that the free exercise clause only applies to Christians. Or his attacks on freedom of expression and the press. He repeatedly makes it clear that if he’s read them, he does not understand Articles 1–3, and that’s something he really should have before he took the job, because they’re not going away.

Z.) I’ll use Z for something I do blame him for, but the rest of us have to carry the blame too. Polarization. This country is more politically polarized than I can remember in my lifetime. Some of you who are a few years older than I may remember how it was in the late 60’s when construction workers in New York were being applauded for beating up hippies, I think it’s pretty close to that right now, but that was before my time. And he is the cause of much of the current level polarization, but also the result. It didn't’ start with Trump. We’ve been going down this road I think since the eruption of the Tea Party in the early years of the Obama Administration. I do hope the tide turns before it gets much worse because the thing that scares me more than anything is what if that keeps going the way it has been? "

*snagged from a friends wall:

[garthups]

the maze, part II

Thanks again y’all, still getting used to tumblr. Any feedback appreciated!

Link to part I

“O my lord, my lord, I have been so affrighted!” Lottie gasped, hand to her heart.

“With what, in the name of God?” Sam gasped in response.

“My lord,” She went on “as I was sewing in my closet, Lord Hamlet, with his doublet all unbraced, no hat upon his head his tighty whities fowled--”

I spit out apple bits laughing, “Dumb shit, I can’t believe you still remembered the bits we made about the monologues.”

“Well yeah, I had to memorize all your lines as your esteem’d understudy, fair O-phoebe-ia.” She bowed. I lead us through a right turn.

“And I get nothing for remembering my Polonius lines? Nothing at all?” 

“I helped him practice on the way in of course.” Matrix interjected. Lottie and I howled and called Sam a fake fan of Shakespeare. We took a left, it had been about five minutes since we got into the maze, and it was taking everything I could to stop looking up. The gang all told me to ignore it. Even Matrix was starting to pick up on when I was slowing down in the front of the group. Still though, I had a fairly confident idea of where we were going. The first station was only a little ways away.

“When you hit 4K I considered unfollowing you dude, god damn. Your followers now outnumber the POSTS on my private.”

“Sorry Lottie, what can I say. The people want them some Sam.”

“Ewwwwww, Matrix, can you like discipline him?” Nobody was saying it but I could feel the question coming. I fucking hated it when anybody talked about instagram latley, but I knew these guys too well for them to not ask.

“Did anyone notice the guy handing out flashlights?” Not what I expected. The maze curved off to our right. “Without a doubt the skinniest man I’ve ever seen.”

“Matrix, no dude.” Sam laughed, “That kid looked exactly like a younger you, ya big beefcake.”

“What do you mean?”

“What do you mean what do I mean? I couldn’t take my eyes off him! Only reason I didn’t say anything right away was because Phoebe was uhh ya know. But yeah, same flop of blonde hair, same stud earring on the left side.” Sam’s comment stuck in my head for a second, which made me feel self conscious. He was right though, I didn’t get a look at the guy at all. Too busy looking at the titanic corn.

“Didn’t really notice his hair and stuff, I guess I might’ve been too distracted by his hands and wrists when I got our flashlight. I think I could see every bone in that guys arm. Lottie? Phoebe? What did you think about him?”

“I thought it was makeup. Like corn syrup.” Lottie was talking slowly. “The closer we got though, the more I thought it looked like real, like, blood.”

My foot slipped. I caught myself, bringing the other foot down hard and running forward a few steps before stopping. I swore and looked back. At first I was confused by what I saw, so I walked back to where I slipped slowly. There was a mouth in the dirt. And a chin jutted out from the soil.

“Whoa, you good Phoebe?” Matrix said. My phone flashlight came on.

“Hey that thing looks like a face.” Lottie said. It was horrible. A perfect face in the mud. An old man, with his eyes closed. The same color as the earth around it. But he was grimacing in pain, brow scrunched and mouth downturned, a grotesque drama mask. No, hold on, the face was pale and grey and I thought I could see pores.

“Yo who the FUCK made that thing?” Sam said. He was kneeling down while me, Lottie, and Matrix distanced ourselves. 

“Sam, Sam don’t touch that thing please.” I whispered intensely. My sweat was concentrated on my forehead and temples. “Please Sam, please.” He froze half knelt down, arm downstreached, and he looked at me.

“It’s fine Phoebes, don’t worry. Just some sick thing someone buried. I hope.”

“Please Sam, let’s just go. It’s really grossing me out.” Lottie was putting her arm around me, and I covered my eyes up. Lottie must’ve made a face, because Sam’s tone changed.

  “Alright dude, no worries. We can keep moving. Fucking weird though.” I uncovered my eyes and Sam had a hand against the face. His eyebrows were scrunched up in confusion as he ran a couple fingers along it. Suddenly he pulled his hand back to himself and started walking. I didn’t need anymore faces in this maze.

“Come on guys. Fuckin weird. Cold, and it felt like it was breathing. Ugh. Well if we see it on the way back, I’m getting a photo.”

The farmers must’ve planted the crop out from the middle, because as we got farther into the maze the corn looked like it was getting taller. I tried not to look up and stave off anxiety by talking to the gang. Ever since I slipped on that face it was hard for me to participate in a light hearted conversation like before. Everyone seemed much more quick to brush it off, but it stayed with me. Just how off it was. When I turned back in, I caught Matrix saying something about high school, or something.

“That’s how it was, Lottie. Go Spartans though, I guess.” 

“That’s really good coming from a walking varsity jacket. Spartans, really? Did you go to Teen High in Municipalityville?” Said Lottie.

“It was a small school! What can I say?”

“Dude tell them about your biggest rival.” The fact that Matrix went to an auto-generated high school cheered me up.

Matrix sighed, “The Northside…... Bulldogs. Happy, shrimpy?”

“Extremely.” Sam pumped his fist and gave Lottie a low five. I smiled. Didn’t know how they were managing high fives though, I was totally freezing and kept mine tightly balled in my puffy vest. The cold was getting worse now that it was later in the night, I assumed. I could see my breath spilling out in front of me, maybe it was all the walking that was making me take shallower and shallower breaths.

“Right uhhh, Phoebe?” Matrix asked. I realized I hadn’t heard his question. “It is Phoebe right?”

He didn’t sound like he was kidding. Lottie laughed, “Seriously?”

“Bad with names, god, my bad.” Ouch.

“Don’t worry about it. I didn’t even hear what you said.”

“I was just saying how these guys don’t know how hard it was to be in the school spotlight all the time. Dunno if you guys had a volleyball team, but I guess being captain had similar clout to being the best at a big theatre school like yours.”

“Oh,” --God I felt so awkward-- “well no I was just kinda, like, in Little Shop. Basically that was it.”

Sam chimed in, “Hah that’s rich. I guess all those superlatives were nothing then. I’m telling ya bud. Phoebe,” he nudged Matrix while putting emphasis on my name, “was the coolest of the cool.”

“Yeah, Phoebe,” Lottie gave Matrix another nudge, “remember when you single handedly brought crochet tops to the valley? We were never the same. I remember seeing all those freshmen on the library computers printing out knitting patterns. They all wanted to be like you.”

“Uhh guys, could we not? Not that I don’t like reminiscing, but I’d rather be on my maze A-game.”

“I still get a memory pop up in my photos of me wearing a crochet top like once a month.” Sam laughed, guess no A-game. I looked at the corn to my left to avoid eye contact with anyone. Then, out of nowhere, Sam said exactly the question I was afraid that one of them would ask. “Hey speaking of which, how come you never post anything Phoebe? Like the last thing on your feed is your dorm pic. What have you been up to?” And I just let the question hang there. Lottie looked back too, and it looked like even Matrix had slowed his gate in front of us. I hadn’t noticed, but at some point he was turning us each and every way and my pathing wasn’t guiding us anymore.

“Yeah I dunno it’s just been kinda…” I said “boring? I guess. I’m not good at it anymore” And that was when Phoebe screamed. Loud, Loud Scream. Not like when actors try to scream, it was scraping her throat raw. Summoned from deep within, as unholy as what we all saw when we turned to her.

An arm, long and sickly was jutting from out between the stalks, out from the wall of the maze itself. A sick, pustulating arm. The maze itself was plenty wide enough for the four of us, the arm just stretched halfway across the width. I saw more than one elbow on the thing, articulating it at unnatural angles, white sickly skin sloughed off in some places.

There’s no way to react to that sort of thing. I was on the ground before I realized, screaming along with her, tears running down my cheeks. Somehow though, Matrix managed to react. He ran up hitting the thing on one of its elbows. I think he was screaming along with the rest of us. Lottie hit the thing with him, until a couple of hits and the arm came apart at the joint. They managed to pop some of the bubos and yellowy green pus spat over their clothes.

Sam pulled me up and we ran. There was nothing else to do, so we didn’t look back at the arm. All I knew was we needed to get out. We ran ten feet back to the last turn we had taken-- a right turn. We got to the wall of corn. I tried not to get too close, or look too hard at the corn for fear of what else lay behind it. We rounded the corner and.

It was the entrance. Just that single corner and there was the kid at the ticket booth. I had stopped, Sam did too. Lottie kept running, I don’t know if her eyes were open. My heart beat faster and faster, but I couldn’t leave my friend out there, so I kept going too.

We all left the Maze. 

[ultraviolet-fox]

rant

don’t read if you’re sensitive to certain topics

this is something I’ve been through recently and I need to let it out. I saw Gabbie Hanna’s video today and it really sparked up some feelings about my personal life.

Recently ive been in a toxic friendship. It was good at first I’m not gonna lie but it quickly started to turn to shit. for the first 6 months it was fine but then he started to catch feelings for me. I had a boyfriend at the time so I couldn’t date him nor even felt anything for him so needless to say he got really upset over that. Sometimes he would just ignore me and never talk to me without even telling me what was wrong and I’d get so confused and I would get mad at him for not telling me anything. Like how could I fix anything without him telling me what was wrong? Every time this would happen I would always blame myself first before anything. (This happened a few times and I was in a really dark place so I would always make excuses for him.) I got so fed up one time and he told me it was because he liked me, that he ignored me because he couldn’t bear the thought of not having me. Of course I felt really bad and I tried to comfort him but he just, wasn’t there anymore? Like I said, I was really fucking depressed so I would do anything to make him feel better which led me to kiss him while I was still in a relationship. My biggest regret to this day. I told my boyfriend afterwards and we broke up obviously. Having just broken up with someone, I was so mentally fucked and I needed a friend with me so I had him. I would do anything to make him happy.

Though he’d always get so upset because he would always think about the fact that he could never have me instead of being appreciative over the friendship we did have. I always gave in and gave him what he wanted because I needed a friend and it seemed like he was the only one there for me. I always let him kiss me, fuck me, touch me, even when I didn’t want it. But I never wanted to stop it because I knew, I knew he would blame himself. And that was my weakness.

I want to please everyone as much as I could. And I did please him. But at the cost of my mental health.

I would always be the one to end it but eventually one hang out would lead to us making out and me feeling guilty about it after. But I couldn’t say no. How could I? After I said no, he’s always so depressed and I felt like I had to babysit him to make sure he felt okay.

He told me he loved me multiple times and honestly I believe it. The way he looks at me, talks to me, talks about me, I do believe he loves me—but no one should ever treat someone they love like this.

He would get jealous even over the little things. He would get upset over me hanging out with my girl friends, guy friends, hell—even my own boyfriend when I had one. He got so upset because apparently I was “having fun with them and I couldn’t with him.” He was so possessive over me, even though I wasn’t even dating him. That was a red flag but I proceeded to ignore it.

I eventually felt like I had to cut off all of my friends and only hang out with him to make him happy. Here’s another thing: I’m a really shitty texter, I prefer irl shit but he couldn’t get over that fact. He claimed I’m not a shitty texter and I just choose to be one. And you know what, I believed him. So I actually started putting effort into talking to him. I texted him so often because I knew that’s what he wanted. I’m that kind of person that never texts anyone for a week but always asks people to hang out but he couldn’t grasp on to that. He got so upset when I wouldn’t text him for a week, even though I’m not obliged to text him every single fucking day.

Not only that, whenever I would complain about anything about my life, he would be so unsympathetic. Actually—he would, but it would always end up being about him and his life problems rather than mine. It’s like he doesn’t even listen?? I remember I was complaining about my mom and how rude she is, and this fucked proceeds to say “that’s weird, your mom usually seems supportive of you” like ?????? Excuse me ?????????? I’m literally complaining about my mom and you say that, basically disregarding everything I’m saying ??????? But I brushed it off. Because that’s what I do. I’m so afraid to lose friends so I keep them around even if it meant sacrificing my mental health.

Here’s a deeper darker story, we were at school for a fundraiser and we saw each other and started talking. Of course I was still his friend because I was so naive at the idea that he was emotionally abusing me. I ended up confessing everything I’ve been feeling for the past month. My depression, anxiety, suicidal thoughts, etc. I told him all that. He was really sympathetic and asked if we could go to my house and so I said yeah we can. We started talking and I noticed him get a bit flustered. I ignored it because I thought he would have self control but I was wrong. He pulled me on his lap and tried to kiss me but I said no. He asked why not one more time? And I said, we always say one more time but there’s never one more time. He got really upset and he wouldn’t talk to me and I just wanted him to talk to me so I asked maybe we should cuddle? And it worked, he did feel better but at what cost? He eventually started touching me and I kept grabbing his hand and trying to stop him but he wouldn’t stop. I couldn’t say anything because I don’t know why? I could’ve said something—why didn’t I? He took off my clothes while he took off his and then started to have sex with me, I didn’t like it at all but I knew if I said no he would hate himself. I eventually got so fed up that I told him stop. I said stop. Multiple times. But he didn’t stop. But after that we sat down. He tried sitting down next to me but I didn’t let him get too close to me. He eventually left and I couldn’t get over what happened. In a way it felt like I asked for it. Because I was the one that asked him to cuddle, but I was the one that couldn’t say stop at first, because I was the one that couldn’t stop his hand from touching me. I was mad at him and confronted him about it but he apologized for it and for some reason I believed his intentions were good. But I never should’ve been his friend. I hate saying the word rape because it seems so weird that a friend would rape me. And it feels like I’m calling out for attention. But it was. Anyone can do this to you and it fucked me up. But I kept being his friend because I needed one.

After a month there was a time was when I led him on a bit. And I admit that. I led him on because that certain day was so perfect, I had to have attention. He asked me out and I said, wait for my answer because I love the mystery. And this was a time when it was going good for once. But A few days past and I’ve been thinking about it, thinking about the fights we’ve had and how incompatible we actually were and no matter how much I forced myself to thinking that I liked him, I didn’t. It was one of those where you know you’re gonna break up. And I couldn’t have that. I told him no and he got so upset/confused. He asked me to talk irl and we eventually did.

Fun fact: he never actually told me we were talking at my house so when our friend dropped me off at my house, he got out of the car with me and it sparked a curiousity in our friend. So not only, was there drama in our relationship, he had to make our drama THEIRS. but there’s more to that later :)

So there we were at my house. And he asked me all these questions saying why? Why would you do this. And I said sorry for leading you on but I mentally cannot get myself to date you. And he tried so hard to convince me rather than just accepting the answer no. He said “why not test the waters out? Why not just date me?” Like are you fucking serious? I repeatedly said no, and that was the first time I have EVER said no to him. He tried to kiss me but I rejected him and I told him, I’ve been “hoeing” around a lot, you don’t want to date a girl like me. And this fucker said to me “if you’re such a hoe why can’t I convince you to do it with me?” And I Just was in disbelief that he just fucking said that to me. I replied with excuse me? And he apologized and that was when I realized, I can’t date a guy who even remotely thinks that’s an okay thing to say to someone. I repeatedly told him no and then he started overthinking and got really upset and got his friend to pick him up. It was only until later, I realized he sent his friend a message “hey not to use you as an Uber or anything, but can you pick me up later? I’m about to do something really hard” SOOOOOO NOT ONLY DID HE SPARK IN INTEREST IN OUR FRIEND THAT DROPPED US OFF, HE TEXTED ANOTHER FRIEND THAT ONLY LEAVING UNANSWERED QUESTIONS ABOUT OUR RELATIONSHIP. he literally made what was our business, their business, his whole entire friend group was in on it now and that made me so fucking mad.

I eventually met up with the friend that dropped us off later that day and I told him everything that happened. He comforted me and told me he understands, and that he and all of his other friends are on my side rather than his which is such a relief to hear because there has been rumors about me and the other guy.

After that whole situation I was still his fucking friend for some reason. We hung out for one day and my mom suddenly decided to ground me so I couldn’t go out anymore. I was okay with staying home but I didn’t talk to anyone for a week.

This fucker proceeds to unfollow me on social media, and not only that, asks me to remove him from Snapchat. Call me an over dramatic person or whatever, but you don’t fucking ask someone that?? Like 1. It was so fucking uncalled for and 2. What kind of fucking person asks someone to remove them from Snapchat? And it just made me so mad because the amount of times he would get mad at me for removing him from my social media’s.

FYI: I have a spam account on Instagram and I post stuff about me drinking/smoking and he gets upset at me whenever I do it so I just remove him whenever I post about that

But anyways, I got so fed up and i realized all the shitty things he has ever done to me. I know he misses me but god I don’t miss him. He never appreciated our friendship one bit, he only wanted more. I broke up with my boyfriend to make him fucking happy. He manipulated, mentally and physically abused me. And now I am so drunk on the idea that no one is ever going to love me for who I really am. Because that relationship fucked me over so hard.