#i cant wait to be done with all of this uni stuff

[just-spacetrash]

📺

[forgotten-daydreamer]

vent moment but my health is a bit worse than i let on, which is weird ik since it seems like complain about it all the time here, and apparently i also look sick, because two separate people in their 40s or 50s asked me, 24, if i needed their seat on the bus. kind of them. but humiliating nonetheless.

[sinfulforrest]

I cannot fucking believe that I smashed my professional practice presentation by talking about this sin blog of mine for like 10 minutes holy fucking shit

[multifandombullshitbabes]

lil wip screenshot of one half of my fanart for @merlintarotfest!!!! having LOADS of fun with this style.... look at merlin all sad :((( poor guy just had to feel the love of his life die in his arms!!! oh well!!

[jayflrt]

akka!!! your (new) cats are totally rocking their fits. damn, they look cute 😍 i was actually on level 33 but i forgot the password to my old google account so i couldn't login. i just created a new gmail for my uni soo, i'm currently in level 2

btw akka! i'm in first year of uni, you call them freshman or freshmen ??? and i need tips to rock my first year so please tell me a few tips 😆 and my uni doesnt start till aug so i'm currently at home and my mom nags at me every day 🤣 and i find it funny lol.

its like I'm unemployed and i have to wait a few more months, huhu. and till then i have plans to do in these few months actually. i want to discover myself, take care of myself and learn a skill and practise my communication skills.

i have many things to do + i got the syllabus for all the semesters starting from my 1st year to the last year 🥲 i want to plan out everything on notion but i dont know how to use.

and mostly, i have been doing good these day but i got my periods today and i feel awful. i hate periods and i dont know i feel motivated to write these days but i cant find words to write. i am so sad.

anyways, hope you have a great day/night akka <33 lots of love to you and hope work will not be stressful to you ^^ take care

— 🦔

THANK YOU :')) it made me realize how i've seriously neglected my other cats omg i need to clothe so many 🤧 but the new event is sooo cute !! literally making a jennie cat just for the event clothes 🥰 OMG NOOO :( no cloud save?? but honestly it must be so fun to start new so i hope it goes well!

also congrats on your first year of uni!! hope you're liking college so far <33 yes ! we call them freshmen (referring to a group, and freshman is singular hahah) but hmm i don't know how similar our university systems are but as a general tip, i recommend using a planner to write stuff you need to get done down (i personally use a physical planner but i know lots of people who use digital ones) and make use of your professor's office hours!! AHHAH enjoy the summer between high school and college, it's so fun !! 😩 but yes! hope you discover new hobbies and such, lmk how it goes!!

notion has templates so you can just use a preset one and insert what you need to put in through there! i recommend downloading the notion desktop app ♡

omg noo i hope you're feeling better now :(( i always get that way the week before my period starts, my hormones are allll over the place 🤧 periods are so under researched honestly because i never knew this stuff was a common experience until i talked to my friends about it!

i hope you're doing well too 🦔 anon!! and i hope life's been treating you well and you have a great day/night <33

[thisdreamplace]

Do you believe that we can massively shift our reality? Not in the going to Hogwarts dating Draco kind of way, but like massive shifts that are realistic but not so realistic. I don't know how to put it into words. Right now I am hating uni and I recently had a dream where I had graduated. It made me have an epiphany because during dreams we shift to other realities even if it's just for a little while. We are experiencing it as real in that moment. And I had this thought of: the brain forgets completely what the "real" reality is. I had graduated in my dream and my brain didn't go "oh wait but we haven't passed all the classes" it just accepted it as a fact. And recently I have been thinking of this "awake" reality as a dream. What if we could lucid dream while awake? Which to me is basically what manifestation is about tbh. But most of us always try "realistic" things. I have been imagining how would it be to massively shift my reality. I mean it's nothing new because many people claim to have done it already, but maybe that's where I have drawn my limits and honestly have never even dared to try to go beyond them.

I know you're all about surrendering nowadays, which I love because I resonate a lot with you, but I was wondering what do you think of those "big" and very specific changes. "Big" for me would be graduating now because I know I'm not even close in this timeline I'm at right now, I still have three more years of college before I finish (😶) and you know, waking up one day and being in a reality where I have already graduated would be mindblowing. Even thinking about it makes me smile like crazy, because it would be so cool. Especially if it happened like in your dreams where you're so conscious of it, that you do not question what's going on in the dream. In that moment, that's reality, you're not even remotely conscious of your "true" reality.

hmmmmm in all honesty, these kind of grand changes are what i came to the law for and this is what i have yet to experience. my journey so far has been very true to natural unfolding. so i'm not going to tell you i know it is possible because on the basis of my experience at this point, i cant. but i can say try it for yourself and see what happens ! only you'll know if its a thing, by giving yourself the chance.

idky but this ask is really making me contemplate the worlds. its where neville used to go and there was this guy on reddit a few years ago who was also a master at going to the worlds (he was a master at traditional SATs too and always showed picture proof, pretty cool guy.) the worlds is kinda what youre sounding like. basically in the worlds, you could meet people who passed away and they were still fully alive. you could manifest things in a second and it would appear right in front of you, etc etc. the interesting thing was though, they always returned back to this plane. they never actually stayed in the worlds, all they carried back with them was the experience of it. the guy from reddit was in the worlds for 6 months and came back, to only having been gone for the night on this plane. v interesting stuff.

[deutoplasmic]

KITSUNE REN IS PERFECT,,, just a mischievous lil guy,,, all of them will be like crows with you because they would just give you shiny things because you take care of them like “oh what a lovely ring thank you syoya! where’d you get it” and you turn around and hes gone (dont worry he didnt steal it he just picked it up off the floor)

LMAO i mean if you ever wanna learn some filipino phrases i gotchu,,, and i relate omg i cant even handle mandarin’s 5 tones sometimes HDNDJD

yea i mean most governments are like that ;; you ask most americans about my country and they dont even realize most of the terrible stuff the US has done to us,,, and yea rigging is. par for the survival show course but in chinese shows people are even better sleuths and can work out exactly who was rigged in and out,,, its almost funny now bc in 创造营2021 specifically, one of my picks was rigged in and the other was rigged out 😭

REAL as a SEA artist one of the biggest tips thats been given to me is to charge foreign clients by USD because if clients find out youre from SEA theyll often try to lowball ;;

WHDNDJDJ SCARY CAT PRIVILEGE,,, as opposed to yudai who needs scary dog/cat privilege LMAODKJDJD i love the spectrum of boyfailures

YEA HE GOT REALLY SCARED HE WAS LIKE SNIFFLING AND WHIMPERING AND I WAS LIKE NOOOOOOOOO SMOL,,, but yea i get you the reality checks when you see young kids debut now is,,, crazy

PLSSS IM NOT THAT GOOD OF AN ARTIST 😭 everyone around me is so cool and im just here. stuck detangling a yarnball like a cat because i hate getting to knots when im crocheting LMAODKDK

also you dont have to apologize for yapping 🫡 i love listening to yapping so this is fun for me

OK WAIT THATS SO CUTE. considering blacksmith sukai who makes the jewellery himself ..... like ............ he silently hands you his laundry for the day and a gorgeous bracelet before slightly smiling at you and leaving for the day..... and glassblower ruki feels so right to me.... he makes glass koi fish flecked with gold for you........... AND CARICATURE ARTIST SHION ..........

omg i would love to learn some filipino phrases. arent there like at least 100 languages in the philippines?? also YEAH. REAL. its ok we take it :pensive:

ok i might be horribly uninformed but the most i remember is the philippines has some serious history with being colonised by spain and the us, so it lost like.... so much of its culture. and i think the us kept using it as a warzone during the two world wars?? idk. unfortunately not very versed in the history of my neighbours.... BUT ok thats hilarious how do you even figure that out. never crossing a chinese netizen they probably can find my address or smth LOL.... idk who was rigged in or out but it was such a surprise to see rikimaru, born 1993, actually make it to debut. crazy stuff

that is honestly very sad... being an often occurrence is absolutely diabolical. glad you guys are advocates for proper pay bc YIKES......

oh he absolutely DOES. same genre different needs :rofl: on the topic of who has the scary vibes i think kyosuke qualifies. idk he's like 170cm but i'm very intimidated i think he would chew me up if i were to brawl it out with him. didn't he get like 48 smth kilos on the grip strength test???? it's OVER

he signed up to sing, dance, and look good NOT to get scared by creepy horrors straight from under his bed!!!!!!!!!! who even is this poor guy.... im obligated to support him after this tragedy............ but. yeah. i think it was unis who has the one eldest member in 2001 and the rest are from 2007-2012......... the worst part was that they were from a survival show so people actively VOTED for these kids

nope i'm taking a page out of takeru's book and will only believe it if i see it!!!!!!!! but truly the horrors of untangling.... i try not to buy hanks just bc i dont have a skein winder thingy....... you guys are probably all so cooll!!!!!!!!!!!! god speaking of crocheting i hate when i realise i bungled smth like 10 rows ago like. LIKE. such a bad experience 0/10

you and me both :handshake: but i generally take the listener not the yapper role so this is a bit of a change :sweatdrop:

[starjxsung]

Hello my lovely, lovely Star 💕 I am sorry for disappearing for like two weeks - I was working full time the past two weeks at my speech arts academy (done work for the summer now though!!!)

I'm so glad you're boss has been supportive!!! I hope you've been able to get some rest... work sounds so busy and tiring for you... HOW'S ATEEZ!??!?! I HOPE IT'S AMAZING AND EVERYTHING YOU COULD'VE DREAMED OFFF IM SO EXCITED FOR YOU AND ALL THE CONCERTS I HOPE YOU HAVE AN AMAZING TIMEEE rahhhh I hope you're doing SO GOOD 💖 pls tell me how ur doing I hope you've been taking care 🫶 Life Update: I'm so excited for Europe hehehe I fly out in two daysss ALSO I got my uni courses all figured out now after many days of stress :') As for south africa guy... okay so like we talked about being in something more comitted and stuff (he brought it up) and it was like a good healthy talk and he was super mature about it and bringing it up and making sure I feel comfy and stuff and letting me know like I shouldn't feel any pressure to say or do anything I don't want to and like we've been taking it "slow" cause I expressed uncertainty around it (for various reasons I won't get into) but I was willing to give it a try ... anyways so like we hung out this past weekend and everything was great we texted for the couple days after that but then like four days ago he just... stopped texting. And he hasn't read my messages either ;-; like I know he takes breaks from his phone/being online pretty regularly for like two days at a time so I didn't really worry too much at first tho I was kinda miffed cause I've told him before to let me know if he was gonna go mia but now it's been like four (five?) days and I'm like worried but also upset and like rethinking this whole thing and like idk I know he left for a trip yesterday so now he probably won't get back to be until he's back but why did he just stop texting like three days before his trip??? Like mid convo too... MAN IDK IM SO UPSET BUT ALSO WORRIED ABOUT HIM AHHH anyways, I love you always <3 thank you for being you Star 💖🫶💕 🌱

MY ANGELLLLLLL I hope work was good !!! I can’t believe it’s already done for the summer! Time’s really flying 😦

ATEEZ WAS AMAZINGGGGG my twin sister wasn’t able to make it but I did meet up w my older sister briefly for the LA show and she loved it !!!!!!! I stayed in merch line for 5 hours and I am sunburnt so badly my arms physically sting 😀 worth it for a Seonghwa jersey ofc

I CANT BELIEVE YOU’RE GOING TO EUROPEEEE OH MY GOD THAT’S SO EXCITINGGGG I can’t wait to hear all about it !!!! And I’m glad uni courses are all sorted! Figuring out uni courses is always so stressful I hated it so much in college lmao

Also :((( I get that people can have their reasons for ghosting like that but imo it is SO fucked that people do that after communicating about where the relationship stands. Is he looking for something committed? Or have you both agreed for just something more casual? My ex boyfriend did that after our second date and it felt terrible bc for like 2 days after we had sex he just….. disappeared. And then came back and said he was drinking and sorta off the grid and missing classes and stuff. But I think I cried for 2 days bc I just felt so used. People should just communicate !!! Why they’re ghosting !!!! Instead of leaving their partners to guess :( I’m so sorry he did that and I hope it’s just bc he’s busy or has a genuine excuse. But to leave you hanging like that is just so fucked up imo :(

Keep me posted what happens & I hope you have so much fun in EUROPE in the meanwhile!!!! Try not to stress about him during ur trip, he’s not worth wasting a good trip on if he isn’t a member of skz. I love you so so much !!!! Be safe my angel !! 👼🤞💓💕♥️💜💖💞

[dollyyun]

HIIIIIIII IM SO SORRY BECAUSE IM NOT GIVING YOU ANY ASK CAUSE IM BUSY WITH MY ASSIGNMENT AND OTHER UNIS STUFF 🥲🥲🥲 BTWWWWW I JUST DONE READ THE PART 3 AND PART 4 OF THE DEVILS KNIGHTS PREY AND GUESS WHAT IM SO SO SO CRAZY RN BUT YOU KNOW WHAT SUNGHOON AND JAY IS ONE OF MY BIAS LINE (ALL OF THE HYUNGLINE IS MY BIAS LINE TBH) SO THE SUNGHOON PART NEARLY MAKES ME IN THE CHOKEHOLD LIKE….I WANT SUNGHOON TO FUCK ME LIKE IM BEING FR RN (IM KIDDING OFC) THE WAY HE ALWAYS SO MEAN BUT SOFT AT THE END MAKES ME FEEL BUTTERFLIES INSIDE AND OFCC FOR OUR JAY WHY HE IS SO MEAN!!! LIKE WHY WOULD YOU SAY SUCH HARSH THINGS TO YN AT FIRST BUT EVENTUALLY HES BECOME SO SWEETT CAUSE I KNOW DEEP DOWN HE’S HAVE A SOFT SPOT FOR HER (EVERYONE DOES) BOTH OF THEM IS SO MEAN! BUT AT THE SAME TIME IS SO SWEETTTT ARGH I LOVE IT SO MUCHHSHSJS AND I KINDA DONT LIKE YN FRIENDS (FOR NOW!) THE WAY KARINA SWITCH UP SO FAST FROM SUPPORTING YN TO MAD AT HER IS MAKES ME FEEL SOMETHING NGL LIKE……(I LOVE HER OKAYYY) YOU GUYS ARE THE SAME NGL LOL OKAY MAYBE THEY HAVE A CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT LATER (WHO KNOW?!)

AND YOU KNOW WHATTTTT IM SO EXCITED FOR HEESEUNG PART CAUSE IM A HEESEUNG GIRL!!!! LIKE IM DOWN BAD FOR HIM SO MUCHHHH PLS THE WAY HE’S SO OBSESSED WITH YN MAKES ME FEEL SOMETHING (IDK WHAT I AM TALKING ABOUT) IT JUST FEELS RIGHT?!h/6393&:9 I DONT FUCKING KNOW WHAT I AM SAYING RN BCS IM TOTALLY LOSING MY MIND BECAUSE I CANT WAIT FOR HEESEUNG PART AND THE TEASERS IS ALREADY MAKE ME GOING CRAZY CAUSE I WANT MOREE (BUT ITS OKAY TAKE YOUR TIME OKAY) AND ALSOOOOOO I CANT WAIT FOR THE FIVESOME PART CAUSE IM A SLUT FOR HYUNGLINE ( CAN YOU GIVE SOME SPOILERS HAHAHA HELP ACT NO WHY I’M SUCH AN IMPATIENT WOMAN 😭🙏🏻 )

AND PLSPLSPLSPLSPSLS TAKE A LOT OF REST AND DONT OVERWORK YOURSELFFFF OKAYY ILYSM ❤️❤️ AND JUST YOU KNOW THAT I LOVE YOUR WRITING SO MUCHHH AND NEVER GET BORED OF IT!

and sorry for my broken english bcs english i not my first language 🙏🏻

- 🍓

hello bbg! lmao love the passive aggressiveness but naurr don't apologise! i understand that real life responsibilities come first <333 thank you sm for taking your time to read!🫶🏻

😭😭😭😭😭😭you're fr down bad for hee (same) and as for the fivesome, it may or may not happen in part 7 instead of part 6 bc y'know the saying of save the best for last?🏃🏻‍♀️💨 you know me, i always give out spoilers so you can expect some 🤓

thank you as well for the reminder! i've been juggling between school and writing (bruh i got way to immersive in my google docs, hence i'm not that active on tumblr) naurr don't worry about your english because it's not my first language either <3

i appreciate you so much ☹️🤍 ily and don't forget to take care of yourself as well!

[rrxnjun]

IM SORRY FOR ANSWERING SO SUPER LATE LIFE GOT SO HECTIC ALL OF THE SUDDEN☹️

STILL WITH THE TAKE THE STAIRS FIC U GAVE ME LIFE WITH IT ACTUALLY IT WAS SO NICE TO JUST TURN MY BRAIN OFF AND READ IT SO I THANK U FOR IT!! and like actually need a jaemin in my life istg!! AND THE SAME GOES FOR THE TEASER OF UR NEW CHENLE FIC!!! IT ALREADY SEEMS SO FUN!! SO EXCITED ABOUT IT!!! 🥳🤭

I AGREE I WOULD ALSO RATHER JUST GOOGLE THE END OF THE SHOW!!

AHH I HOPE U FOUND SOME ARTISTS SINCE THEN!!! AND THANK U SO MUCH FOR TAKING TIME OUT OF UR DAY AND TRANSLATING FOR ME!! IM SURE U ARE VERY BUSY AS WELL SO THANK U SO MUCH I REALLY APPRECIATE IT!!!!🥹🥹💝💓 and my god the lyrics are so☹️☹️☹️ it's just such a great song and now it even got so much better with understanding it!!!🥲

WELL IF IT DOES HAPPEN I WILL BE HERE XD parents smh /j (but like actually i understand them cuz traveling alone can be risky☹️) thank u i hope we will figure something out if it does happen🥹🥹

IM GLAD THAT U ARE DONE WITH ONE OF UR ESSAYS ALREADY!! AND I HOPE SINCE MY LAST ASK U STILL ARE DOING GOOD WITH UR SCHOOL WORK AND STUFF🥳

I LOVE UR POSTS THERE LMAO SO DONT BE SORRY and ofc i agree!!! zach was my fav from the why dont we boys🤭 OH MY I HAVENT HEARD ABOUT THE VAMPS IN AGES damn now i'm gonna go and listen to them😵‍💫(also saw that u turned into a treasure stan🫣 and ur take on jikjin!! it's such a great song glad u listened to it!!!)

(liebestraum anon💕 and sorry if i disappear again and for writing a lot i swear i will try and keep it short for once☹️)

AHH ITS TOTALLY OKAY!!!! cant say i didnt miss you but i ofc understand that u have your own life and responsibilities and such,, so dont worry about it🤍🤍 AND THANK U SM AGAIN!!!

DJDJSJ MY CHENLE FIC IS FUN BUT THEN IT GETS DEPRESSING REAL QUICK SO UHHH HOPE YOU'RE READY FOR SOME ANGST ;-; (also i started rewriting liebestraum. just thought i'd let you know<3)

im super glad u enjoyed my translation!! the lyrics are really screamable in my opinion,,, and i also hope i did them justice however i bet i did a better job than all of the ones i saw online :p its not the best artistic lyricism but i like it nonetheless DJSK sometimes u need simple songs to jam to.

travelling alone COULD be risky </3 me and my uni friends randomly travelled to vienna last week because it was warm out and we thought our seasonal depression was finally over and i love me some spontaneous decisions but also it was so anxiety inducing bc it was my first time going abroad with no supervision 😭😭 we had SO much fun but also the stress we were put through to find the bus platform back home ??? never again. was so bad that i broke my 5 month streak of not smoking bc i had to calm myself down somehow and then i was put through the stress of buying cigarettes in german when i caNT SPEAK GOOD GERMAN but 10/10 i would do it again and it made me more confident abt travelling with friends so i WILL drag my equally spontaneous uni friends to budapest as soon as i can. (please tell me they speak at least a little english there)

I AM ACTUALLY DONE W 4 ESSAYS NOW WHOOP WHOOP ‼‼‼ 4 MORE TO GO BUT IM DOING WELL NO STRESS SO FAR. HOPE YOUR SCHOOL IS GOING WELL TOO!

wait do u rlly bc i think im so annoying on there sometimes like girl chill😭😭 but ZACH WAS ALWAYS MY FAV TOO altho i did have a daniel phase. I havent listened to the vamps in ages either i should catch up or sum ;-;

omg dont mention the teumefication of bar i wont admit it to myself yet DHSKSK however jikjin is now my fav song and i fear seeing my 2023 spotify wrapped bc of it now. ive also been watching a concerning amount of treasure map and finding myself in love with jihoon but thats...not important rn.

ill be waiting for u liebestraum anon!!! dw abt sending long asks i always look forward to them🤍 hope your days are filled with joy mwah

[ibolyafagyi]

also crying cuz why didnt i submit my student film to that first film anim festival? a year and a half ago. suddenly my distrust in my own work is so painful. i havent drawn anything that i felt had weight since i finished tech school. i simply did not do anything with it bc i was afraid of adulthood. i even stopped ani altogether and focused instead of painting, partly to not even think about the opportunities that im throwing out the window.

ive had so little appreciation for my stuff in the context of communities and other people... i wish i pushed more. i wish i wish i wish. i wish i had people. its so hard. its no wonder its all so hard like this. its no wonder i feel stupid and empty and useless and cant draw even like i used to, let alone improve my stuff. cuz thats whats happening, ive kept waiting for my breakthrough and level up but this time its different, i just dont have any fuel left for making anything.

and im already thinking about how im gonna throw away my uni degree after im done with it, the very thing ive been working hard on since my last boat jump (and will for another 1,5 yrs). i do anything for a year or 2 at school and then im just tired of it. why are you like this! trying so hard and burning out so early. just before you would have any real rewards for your efforts.

i already feel this familiar emptiness, that okay i can understand and translate this text, i can read the literature and write an essay (/i can draw shit), im even good at it, but whats all this good for? its useless bc its me, im useless bc ill never do anything w this skill that im in the process of training. training for so long everyday w the expectation to do good, bc this is my purpose this is my "job" to do right now, but inside my motivation is withering away bc im giving up on using that skill bc i dont trust i can be an adult and do things in real life for real. of course i feel like shit. and my opportunities slip by bc i dont care enough for myself and my skills and values to grab them.

is it cuz everything is so easy for me and i dont ever have to do anything? i dont have to worry abt budgeting and groceries and cooking and cleaning and i have just abt no obligations or responsibilities for anything, anyone, not even myself. outside of doing good at school. i have no weight in this life. im overworrying bc i have no weight to comfortably push me down.

[suggable]

we're almost done w this contest :')

[laikahh]

shaking crying throwing up projectile vomiting i just wish i was in a place in life where i can start streaming or at least doing youtube stuff...

[writethesleepaway]

Getting to Know You - P1

Summary: Mike isn't exactly excited when he sees who he's paired up with for chemistry, not because you're a bully, but because you're a mystery. Now, he's doing what he can to solve said mystery.

Pairing: Mike Wheeler x Fem!Reader

WC: 1540

Warnings: none! (maybe swearing?)

A/N: SORRY FOR THE ABSENCE i have been busy preparing to leave for uni (which is quite literally across the world) but i have been reading so many mike wheeler fics i cant get enough of this skinny malnourished emotionally constipated boy

(divider by @delishlydelightfuldividers)

Mike’s eyes trailed down the blackboard as he looked for his name. His teacher said that they’d be starting experiments, and the name of your lab partner would be listed next to yours on the board.

Mike Wheeler & Y/N Y/L/N

He wasn’t exactly sure what to think. Y/N Y/L/N was sort of an enigma to the Hawkins High community. There was no girls team for sports besides cheer, so naturally, she fought tooth and nail to be on the boy’s soccer and swim team. Half of the team adored her for her blunt personality and respected her ability in the sport, the other half hated her for ‘contaminating’ the guy’s team. Y/N didn’t care at all what people had to say about her, claiming the coach had ‘no respect for the sport or any person’s ability in it’ when he initially didn’t allow her to be on the soccer team. It took even longer for her to be accepted to swim, something about ‘you can’t have the girl swimming with the guys, she’ll be a distraction!’ 

Lucas had dragged him and the rest of the party along to a few of her soccer matches before, saying she was a whizz on the field and definitely someone to watch. Most of the group didn’t exactly enjoy the sport, or the people who played it, but they watched to keep Lucas happy. El and Max thought she was so cool, for standing up to her challenges and fighting to play. Dustin laughed as he watched the opponents complain and whine whenever Y/N scored or stole the ball from them. Will wasn’t exactly opinionated, he just tagged along for the general excitement that comes from any sports game. Steve was forced to babysit, who brought Robin along, and they seemed to just talk amongst themselves for most of the game, except for any time someone would score. 

Mike didn’t exactly hate her, to be fair he didn’t really know much about her, other than her ability to argue to be on sports teams. He wasn’t exactly excited to work with her, but at least she wasn’t some bully, so he didn’t have too much to complain about either.

“Wheeler, hurry up, let’s get this done with!” you called out to him as you finished setting up the equipment on the bench.

“How the hell have you already got this, class started like 3 minutes ago?”

“I’m fast like that, now come on, let’s get this done early so we can spend time doing what we want?”

“Yeah but it’s a whole titration…”

“And? Like I said, I’m fast. Wouldn’t you rather be figuring out stuff for Hellfire?”

Mike gawked at you as you continued to pour the various chemicals into the glassware.

“Close your mouth. Are you going to sit there or will you help?”

“You know about Hellfire?” he asked as he handed you the other material.

“Yeah… Why wouldn’t I?” you responded as you bent over to look at the burette more closely.

“Uhm… I just thought… It’s not exactly your style…”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Well, y’know, you’re all, sporty and stuff. You hang out with the popular kids!”

“Please, you think my friends and I are popular? The popular kids give me shit for being a girl on the boy’s team, I am not popular.” you couldn’t help but laugh at his reaction.

“You totally are! You’re a jock!”

“And just because I play sports means that I wouldn’t know about your club?”

“Yeah, wait no, I mean, yeah! I didn’t know you cared about us!”

“I don’t.”

“Oh.”

“But I know y’all exist. Your leader, Munson? He’s”

“Loud.” “A freak, I know.” you both said at the same time. Mike’s jaw dropped again, surprised that you didn’t say the same thing as him.

“What, why would you call him a freak? Isn’t he your friend?”

“He is, but, I expected you to say that he’s a freak.”

“Why would I call him that?”

“Because, that’s kinda what we’re known for…? Y’know? People call us devil worshippers, especially Eddie.”

“If you haven’t noticed, I don’t follow popular opinion. I don’t think of you as freaks, or devil worshippers. You guys just play a game you like and you’re passionate about it. Munson just so happens to be loud, so of course I’d notice the guy standing on top of the table and yelling about his club.”

“Yeah, I guess you’re right.”

“Okay switch, I’ve done the first part, you do the rest. I’ll record the results.”

“Uh, yeah, sure.”

Mike wasn’t sure why he was feeling so weird. He barely knew you, and yet somehow he was so surprised at your personality. He half expected to be laughed at for the whole lesson, but to learn that you’re not as judgemental, but also know about him, and don’t see him and his friends as devil worshippers? He felt like someone had turned him upside down onto his head.

“Wheeler.”

“Yeah?”

“You’re staring at me. Stop staring at get your work done.”

A blush rose to his cheeks as he kicked his ass into high gear to finish the experiment. Your words from earlier, telling him to finish early so you could to what you wanted, resonated in his head, but he no longer wanted to think about DND. His mind was occupied with you, standing in sweats and a crop top with your swimsuit peeking out from underneath. 

“Do you, uh, have a match later?” he muttered as he continued the experiment.

“Nah, just practice, I have the state championships this weekend.”

“Oh really? I’m sure you’ll do great, in…” he trailed off as he tried to think of what stroke you were known for, earning a giggle from you, as you could clearly tell he didn’t know what he was talking about.

“It’s okay Mike, I know you don’t keep up with swimming.”

“But I want to!”

“Do you want to because you enjoy swimming, or because you feel bad that I’ve noticed your interests and you haven’t noticed mine?”

“How the hell do you do that?”

“How the hell do I do what?”

“Be so, smart? And honest? You like, say what you want, and you’re right.”

“I’ve kinda learned to not give a shit, y’know? I stand out already with being the only girl on the team, why not just be myself? I don’t care for labels or stereotypes.”

“That’s really cool.”

“Yeah? You should try it sometimes.”

“What do you mean?” he asked as he stood up to look at you properly.

“Work, Wheeler, get the experiment done.”

“Right, sorry.”

“You seem to care a lot about cliques, about the reputation you and others have. Who gives a damn if someone thinks y’all are devil worshippers, they don’t know you, so why do they matter?”

“That’s a… good point. Dunno, I just hate bullies.”

“So do I, but I don’t pay any mind to them, and that makes em leave me alone because they know they can’t bother me.”

“That’s admirable, but I’m not at that level yet.”

“That’s fine, it comes with time and practice. I wasn’t always like this.”

“Really? You seem so badass.”

“Nah, I cried so hard the first time I was denied entry on the soccer team.”

“What?! You can cry?”

You couldn’t help but laugh at Mike’s comment. 

“Do you seriously think I’m some stone cold no feelings no bullshit girl?”

“Yeah…? Are you not?”

“Mike Wheeler, you know nothing about me, at all.”

“Can I… get to know you? Okay wait, that came out weird, I swear I’m not like, obsessed with you or anything, I mean it’s really cool that you’re all ba-“

You doubled over laughing at his nerves, panting as you tried to catch your breath from laughing too hard. Luckily someone else had made a mess of their experiment, meaning the teacher’s attention was on them and rather on you.

“Mike, do I make you that nervous?” you teased as you noticed his face slightly turning pink.

“Is it that obvious?” he replied as he laughed at himself. 

“I know you didn’t mean it in a creepy way, don’t worry. And sure, if you promise me one thing.”

“What is it?”

“Try not to judge a book by it’s cover yeah? You’ll end up doing the same thing those ‘bullies’ do.”

“Yeah, got it. Is uh, your swim competition open to anyone to watch?” 

“Nah, you need a ticket, why you want one?”

“Yeah, I wanna watch you win!”

“Mike, do you even know the four strokes…?”

“No, but, you can teach me?”

“Yeah, I’ll teach you. I’ll get you your ticket tomorrow.”

For the rest of the class you couldn’t help but laugh as you made small talk with him, conversing about really anything and everything. Mike could have sworn that he felt something, some slightly foreign feeling, somewhere in his mind, but he pushed it away as he tried to get to know you better. Every time you sent him a smile he couldn’t help but feel hot, like he was coming down with some cold. It was definitely something to ask Eddie about, but that was for another day. 

[lettersformiah]

9:37am, 7 jul

hey bubs. only two days of placement! lets go. in my head its friday but its not and im so sad about it. i was late again hehehe i always am though bc i have no sense of urgency bc its fucking school. only late by like a halfa (or technically an hour if you count acg) but yeah i woke up and was like non and then woke up at like 8:15? but yeah. got the 9:25 bus and the worker people who do the stop and go signs had to stop them so i could cross the road hehehe. they were very very nice. the construction, i learnt, is on a power line. dont know what happened there but hopefully it gets fixed soon. had glimpse of us stuck in ym head this morning so ive just been listening to it on repeat. i keep having to sign in at the office so mrs copley doesnt come for me about being truant hehe but how many times can i go there in a week and press the silly buttons about missing my bus or family or sleeping in. its literally a game to me to just fucking press whatever button i see first. getting out of french next period! or at least half of it because im gonna hang out with hannah. none of my friends know im here but theyve also stopped texting me asking where i am so im glad they are just like eh she will get here when she gets here. i dont know what to say to hannah. what do i talk about. i feel like i cant be as open with her as id liek and i know thats so detrimental but like,, ive never been good at being 100% honest with my counselors and stuff so! idk. maybe i just talk about internals and your parents and you obvs and then?? idk job stuff and my dad? and my sister. i dont know i guess i have a lot to say just as an update to my life. also! sorry for falling asleep last night bubba, i know you werent home and its a bit of a mb. its very very sweet of you to stay on call though bubba. makes me so happy :*] even tho rn joji is making me so sad bro like. :'[ oh! geo is actually due first week term 2 ^^ im happy about that bc then i can do it while i wait around for u to be done with uni. but yeah! the reliever :l told me that she wants as much as she can get from us tomorrow but to have all of it done over the holidays. which is nice for me bc then i can do the excellence stuff and get everything done. im so glad. i love mrs haggart sm hehehe shes a banging teacher fr and i hope i get her next year. bio will um be something. maybe he will say just to get it done by tomorrow which i can do all of it tn. and i can write my english! im so fucking happy with it. like smh and my writing isnt amazing by any means, but i found a nice system and sparknotes is like helping me so much so i owe my grade to them for deadass just giving me quotes and themes. i love the internet bro. imagine if i had to do it all from my own fucking brain. id be so pressed. but yeah! i dont know what the last two texts are gonna be but ill just search around sparknotes for some stuff and just randomly search novels ive read in my life. maybe i will actually do the maze runner, surely its on there yk? my nose is all sniffly bubba >:( the outside is pretty chilly and geo is warm as. the temperature difference being a bitch to my poor poor nose. so dog hehe but yeah! idk bubba. i love you! geo will be over in a second so this was just a teeny update on my morning and all that. i love you sm and thank u for everything. mwahmwhamwahwmah

talk soon

-mads<3

[szivoszal]

started university this autumn and ive been busy with that, so i havent really been making big art things. here's a masterpost of movement figure studies, mostly but not all made out of pure thirst (stray kids, enhypen, nct 127 and some ssireum wrestling sketches)

this is enough and substantial on its own, though. keeping on trying new stuff and making strides in things im familiar with; for now that's campus sketches, dynamic movement sketches, trying out charcoal for the first time, stuff that doesnt require a ton of time and focus, just a bit for fun. (i havent been using color lately again bc it needs more focus...or maybe a different focus than what im capable of rn?) even if its not a serious progress in new mediums/techniques/thoughts/etc, its still worth it.

for a long time now ive wanted to put extra meaning into my drawings and works! but then it just doesnt fit my hand, i always end up focusing on the pure visuals of things, which has a spirituality on its own and its valid, but yeah... odilon redon has been fascinating me, for example. i wanna tap into something too, in my own way. though it doesnt matter what i think i want, bc intuition and affection always leads me in a direction i havent planned/thought of, partly bc inspiration has to have a freshness to really strike (have to do a thing Now or never bc the idea expires), and partly just cuz its the type of thing that gets worse and harder the more u try to control it.

im thinking that direct symbolism and meaning needs more effort/control from my part (for me personally, where im at rn), and although i dont hate the results, its not intuitive and doesnt feel great to make. so im waiting for when my intuition will be curious enough about it to make the effort. maybe now is the time. or maybe ill continue doing studies of stuff. i like observing. observing and studying without added commentary or judgement is very valuable.

another thing ive been thinking abt is the switch from studying in hs to being in tech art school to studying in uni. i cant do artsy stuff full time now (again), but also i dont Have to do artsy stuff full time and thats great actually. the universe didnt intend for me to go to art school and it was right, art uni doesnt sound fun now.

cuz i dont think art is really able to flourish in a space where so much pressure is put on it, when ur self esteem and so many things are dependent on ur output... or at least its not ideal. Or at least not for me. it seems to me that practicing anything is about a balance of structure (like a schedule to follow), pleasant effort (enough to feel youve done something but not straining), natural ease & fun. i tend to be anxious and a tryhard (too sensitive to structure and expectations), or have been for a long time, so the fun and ease aspect has been the main thing i needed for drawing and making things. i cant imagine making good things without a sense of ease.

going to uni for a different thing is also great bc the world gets so much wider... i enjoy spending time with getting to know stuff! ive gotten used to only talking about art, but its not just about art. it was that way when i was rly insecure and my self esteem depended on my drawing output. theres so much more to life and that much more is where art gets its zest from. that much more might be what ive been missing out on if ive concentrated too much of myself on art before. distancing oneself from art can be a good thing for connecting with oneself and the world, in that way.

in any case, i think im doing good. i enjoy doing this. this is the ease. should go study for my exams now lol