#i feel like lately ive been like. shutting down all the time i either do school stuff

[definitelynotnia]

im sorry i have to rant im so fucking pissed

my exams end on 19th and I have to get rid of some books and buy some books which are quite pricy online so I had planned on going to college street on 20th and selling my books and buying the new ones at a cheap price and i was frankly really excited about it because all I get is a one day break to relax bcz i have to start studying for entrances from 21st so all I have is 20th and i wanted to spend it at college street and then get some food and basically have like a solo date kind of thing.

and i was so so excited about it i told my boyfriend about it like 500 times bcz i kept forgetting i've already mentioned it and it was literally on my mind a lott so i kept bringing it up and ik it seems like not a big deal cz i can just sit at home and chill too but i literally do not get to go outside my house. like- the last time i went out was new years eve and after that the only time i've gone out is to school or to give my boards that is it. my mother has some weird like problem wiht me going out like even if i tell her that i just want to go to our terrace for 5 minutes just to get some fresh air she won't even allow that she'll be all suspicious and like sTaNd In ThE bAlCOnY aNd TaKe FrEsH aIr like she herself doesnt leave the house (and blames it on me and my brother ???? when have we ever stopped you bro, she said I HaVe To Be HeRe To KeEp An EyE like im 18 i dont need to be watched 24/7 stop blaming me for choices you put upon yourself) and i just feel so suffocated ALL THE TIME i feel so overstimulated and im so sick of rotting on my bed and i dont want to wait for some birthday party or friends meet up to be able to leave my goddamn house i just wanted to go and have a fun day and get me some books thats it.

anyway so initially the plan was that my mom would go along but something came up so she wanted to postpone it to 21st and i didn't want to bcz i'd already be missing 3 days bcz of my boyfriends birthday, holi and my brothers birthday (all of which are important and i dont want to miss which makes me the villain apparently bcz i should "adjust" and cancel my "parties" instead of trying to stick to my plan bcz that makes me too demanding and selfish apparently) so i suggested that ukw why dont u go do ur thing which came up and i'll go to college street by myself...which is when the solo date idea came which i had really wanted all along but didnt bring up bcz i knew she'd say no but now there's a valid reason for me to go alone so like, its a pretty easy fix i can just go alone but noooo. First of all,

I've been to college street multiple times before so its not like its an unknown area to me

im going by metro which is quite safe

im going when there is stark daylight and i will return home much much before it gets dark and im literally 18

she never lets me go anywhere alone, not even take ubers alone if i want to get back from somewhere my bf has to come drop me everytime and then go backwards to his house which is so so so stupid and i never get to go out alone unless accompanied by family or by a male friend, so obv when i said i'll go to college street alone she refused to let that happen and started screaming about how 'if its so important to go on 20th bcz u dont want to miss a day of studying then cancel ur 'parties' and study then' and i was like no its not about missing a day its just that there's a very easy and logical fix to this problem which is i go alone and its not inconveniencing anyone so why cant i just do that but she will not listen to that bcz im 'adamant' and 'everything has to be according to me' bcz i found a viable solution to the problem. so instead of letting me just go she was literally ready to pay much more money and buy the books online, like.....why cant i just go bro??? (and she keeps telling me im a waste of her money bcz i will amount to nothing in life and my education was a failed investment or wtv so like now why are u wasting more money??? im literally trying to save the money that u 'waste' on me so just let me ???)

anyway i called my dad last night and told him and he was super ok with the idea he said its a good idea that i go alone and that he would speak to her but then today when i asked her if dad spoke to her she said yes, we'll go on 20th and i was like .....we? so apparently she CANCELLED her previously immovable thing for which she wanted me to cancel my 'parties', she cancelled that and agreed to go with me on 20th just so that i dont get to go alone- like ???????????????? what is ur problemmmm

so obv i was super annoyed and i went on a whole ass rant about how i literally struggle to even cross roads bcz i dont know shit about basic travelling bcz all my life ive been in a car and its a running joke with all my guy friends that i 'cannot navigate' and 'dont know any places' and obv??? if im never allowed to go anywhere then how tf will i know the places- the only places i know is bcz recently i've been paying a lot of attention and asking my dad stuff about what roads to take to reach certain places and when i go out with my friends i kind of try and learn a bit but thats it i've only ever gone alone completely alone to two places which is my beauty parlour thats 5 minutes away from my house and one bazaar one time that was 2 bus stops away, thats it. thats my extent of public travelling alone. and now im supposed to go to a whole new STATE for college and i cant even call myself an auto without struggling. and like- is this not a basic life skill??? like ok yeah its not rocket science and i will probably figure it out even if i start later in life but why not now? most of my guy friends literally go everywhere alone, why not me? and my dad agreed with all of this but my mom was just like "you'll be in the hostel only, no need to go out of the campus" like ARE YOU FOR REAL????????? and she's like "if u want to learn skills learn how to cook" like ok yes i will also learn how to cook for sure but i wont have a fucking kitchen in the hostel but somehow cooking is an urgent skill i should learn but going places by myself is unimportant bcz i should just never? leave? the? hostel?

anyway after much screaming and shouting my dad gave up and just cut the call bcz he doesnt want to get into an argument with my mother and my mother was being all suspicious like why do u hAvE tO gO aLoNe AlL oF a SuDdEn even though i literally explained why i want to do this alone but she doesnt think thats valid. so she refuses to let me go and i asked her for one reason why i shouldnt cz usuallt its always "no u have exam what if smthn happens" but now i literally dont even have exam so whats ur excuse now? streets will always be unsafe forever so "what if smthn happens" is not a reason to never let me go out without a man so just gimme one reason and she couldnt give me a single reason she just said "i said no, thats it".

and now she's gone off about how im useless and blah blah and "high maintainance" bcz i want books and "everyone else (some pishi's son) just studies online" and so the whole option of college street is apparently now cancelled and she's trying to set up a whole ass kindle account (half the books i need arent even available as ebooks) just because i wanted to go by myself.

[just-spacetrash]

📺

[runa-falls]

Please write a story where Marc and Jake tease Steven for being soft in bed so he becomes this dominant rough guy who overstims the reader IVE BEEN THINKING ABOUT THIS ALL DAY I JUST DONT KNOW HOW TO WRITE IT DOWN

a/n: idk how to write it down either, but i'll give it a shot! btw, marc and jake would never talk to steven like this, but just for the sake of the story they're assholes :( also sorry this is a YEAR late 0-0

cw: smut (18+), voyeurism (3x), f!masturbation, mean/ooc!marc + jake, rough sex, overstimulation, oral (f!recieving), multiple orgasms!, slightly possessive lovemaking, slight breeding kink (creampie), sad-ish/insecurity, feelings, dom-ish!steven, fluff -- (idk why it got so soft so fast im sorry), L-bombs, commentary from the other moon boys~

wc: 3.5k

masterlist

---

he watches from the doorway as you whine and mewl on the bed, desperately attempting to get yourself off.

your whole body glistens with heat as you squirm under the dull lighting of the room-- clearly, you've been at this for a while.

you are dressed in a familiar white undershirt that is definitely from the boys' closet, but your bottom half is bare and spread out, dripping onto the comforter as your fingers work their magic.

a perfect eye-full for your 3-in-1 boyfriend.

"this is why you're not allowed to have her on the weekends." marc taunts from a nearby mirror, though his eyes are locked on your writhing body. steven clenches his jaw as the grating voice in his head pulls him away from the alluring scene in front of him.

god knows why he decided to put up so many mirrors in the flat. it's like he's trying to drive himself crazy.

your eyes are squeezed shut as your finger delicately circles against your clit, spreading your slick all over your pulsing cunt until wet sounds begin to fill the air. you suck on your bottom lip as you frantically tease the sensitive bud, your legs tense from the build-up, and your back arches off the mattress.

"she needs a real man to take care of her after a long week of work."

that irks steven.

you've never talked about being unsatisfied by his slower pace -- by his need to savor each look, sound, and touch that you give him.

of course, jake needs to chime in as well, "look at our girl, stevie, she's so needy. let me have the body. i'll give her what she needs."

steven tries to block them out, but it's hard when their voices are coming straight from his own mind.

when he thinks back on your time together, everything is perfect. at least to him, it is.

he loves hearing your soft breathy moans, tasting the sweetness of your pussy dripping from his kitten licks, and feeling those delicate kisses that you share as you ride him gently. you fall apart in his arms, hold him close, and exchange whispered 'i love you's.

sure, he's always been the softer side of the three -- kissing over jake's bites or gently caressing marc's bruises -- but he thought you liked that. he thought that was enough.

but now you're getting yourself off without even seeking him out first.

you're close, so fucking close, panting out stuttered breathes, thighs clenching together, and body shaking, but --

"fuck!"

it's not enough.

your heart beats rapidly against your chest as you start to come down from that unreachable peak you've been chasing all day. as your foggy mind finally clears up, you sense someone at the door.

"s-steven!" you're surprised to see him, especially just standing there, watching you fail to pleasure yourself.

his work shifts have been running later and later since marc's last mission (donna is forcing him to work unpaid overtime instead of firing him) so you weren't expecting him until dinner time.

the shifts have been brutal for him.

these days, he just eats sleep for dinner, too tired to do more than just collapse on the couch and cuddle you. you've tried to convince him to just quit, that jake's cab escapades and marc's more 'eccentric' job opportunities can pay for everything, but he really loves the job, despite the weirdly toxic work environment.

"darling."

it's a flat greeting, a tone you've never heard from his lips, especially not when he's fronting. he doesn't seem happy to see you. actually, he looks quite upset.

you cover yourself up with a blanket, suddenly uncomfortable with your partial nudity when he's unhappy like this.

"why are you back so early?" the usual glimmer in his eyes is snuffed out, instead replaced with an eerie darkness. "what's--are you okay, honey?"

"take it off."

"w-what?" you know he's referring to the blanket, but the way he demanded it --

"off."

you hesitantly move the blanket, revealing the evidence of your unfulfilled desperation. you shyly look up at him, embarrassed and terribly turned on that he's making you do this.

you can't help but press your thighs together, already feeling another spark of heat simply from seeing your darling boyfriend with his head of messy curls.

"keep them open."

you obey his command and spread your legs, leaning back to give him a good view. his eyes meet your center, the frustration you couldn't get rid of. you immediately see need blooming in his body, particularly under his slacks.

soft-spoken steven has never been as forthcoming as his counterparts, but he doesn't need to be, his body does all the talking for him.

you're watching each other as he slowly approaches you, tension thick in the air. he's so desperate to give you exactly what you need and deserve.

steven's mind runs through all the times he had stuck around while marc and jake fucked you.

the first time it happened, he didn't mean to watch through marc's eyes, but once he saw how easily you submitted for him, how utterly ruined you are once marc is done with you, he couldn't help but pop in once in a while.

steven nearly flushes in shame from the memory. he's so perverted...

marc is possessive, steven learned. he likes to know that you're his. he marks you up with his hands and mouth so you'll never forget who you belong to, then he makes you scream his name as you reach your high as he fucks his cum into you.

of course, you're happy to give him whatever he demands, laying right where he wants you and taking anything he'd give you.

jake's methods are different: he makes you cry.

it's the overstimulation that gets him off the best. the sight of your body shaking and writhing to get away from his insatiable touch gets him hard, makes him growl against your tacky skin. he gets off to getting you off, and you love it.

so maybe a mixture of both is what you need.

he can do that.

"i need you to do something for me." he curses inwardly at how soft his voice is when he talks to you. it's a reflex. he's supposed to be confident and rough.

"anything." you breathe out.

"turn around for me, love." he's standing right by the bed, leaning over you. "on all fours."

the surface of your body ripples with goosebumps as you position yourself on the bed for him. he hasn't even touched you and you're already humming with pleasure.

you hear him sigh behind you before he shuffles closer and delicately caresses your bare hips and bottom with warm hands. you feel yourself melt against the mattress as you drop from holding yourself up by your hands to leaning on your forearms. he always makes you feel soft and cozy, even with the simple contact of his hand against your body.

steven watches you arch your back as you get comfortable, hungrily taking in the way you unconsciously push your ass toward him. you're effortlessly sexy to him. you could simply put your hair up into a ponytail and he'd be rock-hard in his slacks from seeing your bare neck. so this...is distracting him.

"so..." marc's voice pulls him out of his thoughts, "you gonna do anything or just stare at her all night?"

"I'm working on it!" steven grits out (in his mind).

"alright, show me how it's done then, loverboy."

you gasp quietly as steven suddenly forces your legs to spread wider for him. you would have lost your balance if it weren't for his steady hold on you.

he slowly kneels in front of the bed, briefly adjusting himself in his pants to relieve some of his desperation. you struggle to keep your legs apart when you feel his warm breaths brush against your needy cunt. you swear you're literally throbbing with need for him.

jake's done this before, steven recalls, eating you out from behind. you seemed to really enjoy it despite the intense overstimulation that pushed you to tears and the bruises left on your thighs from his tight hold and nipping mouth.

he can do this.

he leans in and lightly brushes his plump lips against your wet center to test the waters. your muffle a whimper against the pillow you cling onto, but he hears it loud and clear.

you're so soft and wet, already falling apart in front of him. he can't help but poke his tongue out to taste your sweetness. the warm softness of his tongue has you urgently pushing yourself against him and he takes that as his sign to go deeper.

this time he holds you closer, wrapping his arms around your thighs as he dips into the hot opening of your cunt, working his tongue against your tender walls. his mouth waters at the taste of you and he's desperately leaning in for more.

he thrusts his tongue into your cunt, filling the room with slurping noises that nearly make you blush with how lewd they sound. he's pressed so closely behind you that he's practically supporting your weight as your legs grow too weak to hold you up.

"s-ste-- a-aah-- mm..." you fall apart when he starts licking from your entrance to your clit, flicking eagerly as you start to gush against his tongue. he can already feel your legs twitch and tremble as you try to escape his hot mouth.

your eyes roll to the back of your head when you feel his soft lips wrap around your aching clit. it's almost too much for you to handle. he suckles on your sensitive bud until you're whining out against your pillow as your body trembles with the crash of your orgasm.

steven ignores your pleas and your attempts to escape his mouth as he continues to work you through your high. he cleans you up with a gentle mouth, making sure not to miss a single drop. drool pools against the pillow as your exhausted body struggles to stay conscious.

“hm, not bad…” jake admires your trembling frame from a reflective surface nearby, hungrily taking in the scene and wishing he were in steven's place instead. "maybe we were wrong about you, stevie."

steven watches you as well, but with a hint of reluctance. he's never seen you like this first hand. usually, you're the one staring down at him with a small smile as he attempts to catch his breath from your teasing antics.

he's not sure if he likes this any more than the usual dynamic the two of you have. of course he loves knowing that he can make you fall apart just as much as marc and jake, but it's not him.

"you're not done with her yet, right?" marc asks, "'cuz if you are, i'd be happy to finish her off."

jake is quick to argue, "actually markie, i'm pretty sure it's my turn to spoil our little princess."

steven finally bites back, "no, tonight she's mine."

he grumbles, making an effort to push his annoyances into silence so he can give all of his attention to you.

steven nudges you to lay on your back so he can see your face, "love, are you alright?" his tone is light, despite the fact he's eager to continue ravaging you -- even if you do end up falling asleep.

"mhm," your eyes flutter open, sparkling with satisfaction as you stare up at him. you're adorable with that post-sex flush on your skin, highlighting the tops of your cheeks. "i just... wasn't expecting this from you."

"did you like it?"

"steven, i can barely feel my legs."

he lets out a nervous chuckle like he's unsure whether that's a good thing or not, but you ease his mind with a soft smile. you reach up and cradle his face, "yes, baby, i loved it." he presses his cheek against your hand, enjoying your embrace, "i always like it when you touch me."

"then can we do more?"

of course, you want to have sex with him, but...that, no matter how mind-blowing it was, wasn't him. steven is the type of guy to hold eye contact with you while eating you out, wanting to catch every expression and moan of praise as he brings you to the edge. he's the type to hold your hand as you cum, squeezing lovingly to encourage you to fully let go because you're safe with him.

all night he's been acting off. he's been distant and in his head -- and you have a faint idea as to why (their names rhyme with "bark and bake") but you want your sweet and gentle steven back.

you take his hand, "w-wait...steven?"

“yes, darling?"

you sit up, "can you, um, kiss me first?" it's a bit embarrassing to ask when he's already been nose deep in your cunt, but you need that sweet embrace that he's always given.

"of course." steven’s eyes soften.

cool relief rushes through his body. maybe he was wrong, maybe you do like his soft touches and sweet kisses. maybe you like him for being himself. it's not like marc and jake are the same anyway. each of them gives you something special.

he leans in closer and presses his lips against yours, his body trapping you against the bed. he immediately feels you relax against him as you start to move your mouth over his. he kisses you gently, taking time to trace over the sensitive edge of your bottom lip before dipping in and laving his tongue against yours. 

when you separate from each other with puffy lips and heated breaths, you can't help but admire the pretty man above you who regards you with pure admiration in his eyes.

"make love to me steven," you whisper, "a-and hold me after, please." his soft brown eyes, full of longing and admiration, meet yours.

"always, love." he pecks you once more on the lips, "i'd do anything for you." you feel his lips move down from your mouth to the edge of your jaw, then your shoulder, and finally the top of your covered chest.

he sits up briefly to pull your shirt off before doing the same with his own clothes. once he's in nothing but his briefs, he's back on top of you.

steven has stars in his eyes as he watches his hand slide over the softness of your curves. he loves how perfectly you fit against him.

you gasp softly as he teasingly brushes his thumb against your nipple. your body is already so sensitive to his touch.

"you're so beautiful..." he whispers.

as he leans in and captures the bud in his mouth, his hand drags down to the spot where you need him the most, sending a wave of sensations through your body and causing you to arch against his mouth.

you're already wet enough for him to slip his fingers inside of you, so he immediately begins thrusting deeply against your spongey walls, letting sloppy sounds of your wetness echo through the bedroom.

you tangle your fingers into his curls and arch your back as he starts to suckle at your nipple. his slick tongue flicks over the hardened bud, sending tingles up your spine. you are already half-delirious from how expertly he's working your body.

everything seems to speed up when you start to squirm under him. he's pushing you harder onto the bed, he's nipping love bites at your tits, his hand is moving faster against you -- from the sounds coming between you, you're sure you've made a mess of his hand.

"s-steven...mm...please!" your thighs squeeze around his wrist as he gets overzealous, hitting your g-spot over and over again without giving you a breather. he groans against your breast when you tug at his hair.

without any warning, he pulls away.

you reluctantly let him get up (though you're definitely too weak at this point to stop him) and you're left to breathlessly watch as he licks his fingers clean and pulls himself out of his briefs.

pleasure continues to buzz against the surface of your skin as you hungrily stare at the way he pumps himself delicately in front of you, his cock is already dripping with desperation. he looks at you with glazed eyes and flushed cheeks while he touches himself.

what a pretty boy...

"need to feel you," steven mumbles, shifting closer to you to press his cock against the seam of your cunt.

"feel me," you beg, canting your hips upwards to meet him.

steven gently moves himself against you, rutting himself against your wet center. he pants when his tip just barely presses into your entrance, proving how ready you are for him.

slowly, he pushes himself in, shuddering at how soft and wet you feel around him.

you whimper softly when he starts fucking you at a slow pace, forcing you to feel how perfectly he stretches you out, over and over again.

your body shudders every time he bottoms out and presses so intensely against that spot inside of you, making you feel like you're about to burst if he doesn't pull out soon.

steven looks down at your face, wanting to see if you're liking this -- but it turned out to be a mistake. he meant to make this sweet, to hold back and make love to you like you asked, but when you look up at him with those shiny eyes and that blissed, fucked-out expression, he can't help the way his hips start to frantically grind against yours.

"i'm sorry, love, i can't -- uhh -- c-can't help it when you look at me like that!" steven pushes your thighs upwards, forcing them closer to the mattress on either side of your head. you cry out as the new angle pushes him deeper within you, hitting every buzzing nerve inside of your sopping cunt.

"mm...steven!" the bed below rocks as his hips violently slap against you in a rhythmic motion.

he groans as he watches his cock thrust inside of you, making a mess of your wet center as you gush around him. you look so small under him, yet you're eagerly taking every inch in that tight cunt.

"i-i want to be inside of you forever..." steven pants out, "and i want you to feel me," he reaches between your bodies to press against your stomach, "here, forever."

"ahh~" you pant heatedly as the added pressure of his hand makes him feel even bigger inside of you. you squirm under him from the intense feeling, but you can barely move out from his hold.

"i love you, darling." he chokes out as he grows closer to the edge, rutting deliciously against the top wall of your pussy. "t-tell-tell me you love me too."

"fuck -- i love you, steven. i'll a-always -- nmph," you flutter around him as the heat of your own climax explodes throughout your body. "love you~" you can barely get the words out as he finishes inside of you.

you don't mind the way he rests on top of you as he attempts to catch his breath. his body is hot and sticky against yours, but it feels comforting nonetheless.

"mm...i missed you and your sweetness." you sigh, enjoying his weight over you, even if it is a tad difficult to breathe.

steven sheepishly mumbles against you, "but that wasn't exactly sweet lovemaking."

"sure, but it was you."

he simply hums happily in response, dotting light kisses against your tacky neck before nuzzling his face against you.

when you both cooled off, you decidedly needed a little space from the man pinning you to the mattress, "ok i need to breathe a little, steven."

"oh, oops, i'll get up." he pushes himself up so he can give you some air. you can't help but shudder as he starts to pull out of you.

"ah~" you can feel the warmth of his cum start to drip from your center, "you came so much, steven. look -- you made a mess." you tease, opening your legs for him.

"m'sorry, love." he sits back on his knees in front of you, staring down at the mess he made (as if he isn't just as messy). "didn't mean to..."

it doesn't sound like he's sorry though -- not by the distracted way he mutters out the apology while scooping up his cum and shoving it back into you.

"steven."

"i'm just trying to minimize the mess!" he defends.

you don't stop him because it feels oddly pleasant to be doted on like this. you'll just have to do a final cleanup later, you decide.

"imagine if i weren't on birth control," you joke, "i'd definitely be pregnant by now."

"..."

"steven are you hard again?!"

[moonsaver]

Do you have any thoughts about the opposite of the "Im afraid to confess because our friendship could get ruined"? As in, "I'm afraid to reject you because I don't want to lose this friendship so I accept your confession even though I don't feel that way for you and never will".

Like the protagonist tries to convince themselves that this is just like being friends only that we now kiss (and more). I feel like it would fit with a yandere that is a bit delusional or desperate, eveb insecure so whenever the protagonist doesnt seem as into this relationship as them, they just try to convince themselves otherwise, or love bomb the protagonist.

Idk lately Ive been into reversing the tropes and I found this one particularly interesting to me when it comes to a yandere. In HSR i was thinking of Argenti as he seems like the delusional type. Or even Aventurine who would have had to put down a lot of walls to be friends with you and then even more walls just to confess, so rejecting him doesnt seem like an option to the protag (out of pity and care).

THIS THIS THIS!!!! qnon ur brain is so wrinkly and soggy with brain juice..... this used to be my favorite trope at some point idk why i forgot about it i remember eating up any fanfics out there based on this

Tw: yandere (obv), manipulation, intimacy (mainly romantic, only hints of sexual), emotional blackmailing, whatever yadda yadda

But anyways, under the cut!

Okay, so, I imagine this is possible with literally... almost all of hsr's cast. Mainly because most of them have such tragic backstories, and most of them out of that have a really shrewd and cunning mind, so they'll exploit this to hell and back.

I also imagine this is with a people pleasing reader, so lets go with a bit of implication of that.

Anyways, since Aventurine and Argenti are the ones mentioned specifically, I'll probably dive in on them first.

Aventurine is so hard to not feel pity for. Every stolen glance at the marking on his neck makes you feel worse and worse for "rejecting him", knowing he's been throwing signs of wanting more than a friendship quite possibly everywhere and you're most likely ignoring them in hopes of keeping your friendship. It's not like he hasn't quite caught on, either. He knows people's hearts quite well. And where there's opportunity, he seizes it.

It's a bit frustrating for him – just why can't you see he wants more? Or rather, just why aren't you accepting him? You're the first thing on his mind when he wakes up, when he clutches his chip and bets on his life, the last thing on his mind when he goes to sleep. Hell, he's even tried to dream of you, forcefully. But then he realizes.. how easy you are to just push around. He goes ahead with the confession, and it's almost a sadistic kind of pleasure when he sees you even try and stutter out any kind of a rejection when he's leaning in a perfect angle that shows off his little marking (out of all the times he curses it, it seems like this time it's worked in his favor). He watches carefully as your eyes nervously flit to his neck and you shut up immediately for a second, before accepting. And when you do.. he's over the moon! Coddles you, kisses your cheeks, becomes so much more grabby, as his keen eyes watch your discomfort. Well.. you didn't reject him, so this is what you should expect.

Again, the frustration doesn't wear off easily, but just seeing you writhe and try to create distance while he suffocates you in affection far from platonic nature, is so sadistically pleasuring to him. He loves watching you in that state, bending to his will so easily, as he waits for you to snap. But he'll probably find it easier to squeeze water out of a rock than to squeeze a rejection out of you – which is precisely what he exploits. You're not going anywhere, are you? He puts on his best, pleading little eyes that he used to have to put on, shaking, trembling voice, desperate hands that cling to you; all the things he acts out like his life depends on it when he senses even a waver of your hesitation.

Oh, fine.. he hates seeing you so queasy almost all the time, so he'll give you a reprieve from time to time. Plans and schedules things you used to do "back when you were friends" (he emphasizes this – you don't think you can just ignore everything, right?), and makes sure to at least crack a few smiles and giggles from you. Of course.. his hand is still loosely hanging around your waist, pecks you on the lips from time to time, just as a small reminder of what you guys really are now.

Argenti on the other hand, has no awareness of your discomfort at all.

He's like a huge dog, the way he's so happy about you accepting his confession and doesn't even stop to think afterwards just why you were so hesitant during it.

Constantly praises you, and it's not soon before it gets to a more intimate nature. He wants to do all the romantic things – kissing under the rain, protecting you from something, twirling you in the air and then kissing you again after putting you down, telling everyone proudly that you two are a couple, buying more and more "romantic" gifts that turn more intimate sooner or later. You have no way out of this without completely ruining everything.

It's.. almost painful the way he doesn't realise. At some point your discomfort probably gets so.. obvious, but he just shrugs it off; perhaps he hasn't been paying you enough attention? Or you're just too shy to ask something of him? Oh, how sweet! How adorable! He thinks. He simply falls deeper and deeper into this delusion, stringing you along and stretching your patience thin. Unfortunately, unlike Aventurine, you can't find most, if any bits of the things you both used to do as platonic companions in the relationship you have with Argenti. He's just a full-blown romantic who wants to do only that. It makes you even more queasy when people look at you in pity, if they realize just what happened between you two.

You can't back out, even if you tried. If you somehow manage to find a way to squeeze out a rejection, or have any kind of a reservation about things getting more intimate/romantic stuff, he's so devastated. Did he do something wrong? Perhaps he's not as experienced as you wanted him to be? Or you're not satisfied with some of the things he's said? Don't fret, he's right on it! Constantly holding you so close you're afraid your bones will break, whispering incessant praises into your ear that slowly spiral into affirmations that you belong to him, spoiled rotten with everything you want; yet, even then.. you can't shake off the intention they were given in. Not when you're suffocated by it.

[soxcietyy]

hii, can i req a older bf + soft dom yuuta please?

Biker Yuta

Age gap, soft dom, Yuta being fine af in general

It was almost every night, the exact time at 1:30 am where a loud bike would pass by your house. It was so loud that it would wake you up from the deep slumber you where in.

At first you didn't think much about it when you first moved into your new house but now its been months and you kept hearing that loud bike zoom by. At some point you grew tired of it and decided tonight was the night you would confront whoever this selfish individual was. There was tones of roads that person could go on and he decided your street was the one to travel on every night? Did this person not have a job?

Grabbing your coat you slip it on and walk out in your pajama’s that consisted on small shorts and a tanktop. Checking the time on your phone you noticed it was five minutes till one. Walking out the door you stand by the mailbox with your arms crossed. The passing cars probably thinking that you weren't fully right in the head. After a few minutes of standing there you could hear the loud bike from a distance.

How where you supposed to get this person attention? you had no clue but decided to find out once it was time. As the bike got louder you step into the middle of the road. When the vehicle came into view you had to shut your eyes from how bright there headlights. Using your hand to cover your eyes from the light you could feel two hands grab you and pulled you to the side. With a gasp you turn around to see them?!

What was the biker doing here? shouldn't he be the one...

before you could finish that though a car zoomed by extremely fast. Then it hit you, you could of almost died mistaking that car for the biker.

"what are you doing in the middle of the road like that? you could of gotten hurt." A male voice said from behind that helmet.

"I thought it was you!" you say grabbing you heart that almost popped out of your chest

"Me? either way you shouldnt be doing that. Arnt you supposed to be in bed at this time?" He asks as he sat you down on his bike.

"yea i actually am but a loud bike likes to go through my neighborhood, waking me and everyone else up! Do you know how much sleep iv lost because of you?" you say angrily.

grabbing his helmet with both hands he slowly takes it off and shakes his helmet hair before looking at you. "Im sorry I didn't know i was bothering people with my late night rides." he says. "Im usually coming out of work at that time and well this is the way I go to make it home.

"Well how about being more quiet? I would hate for us to have issues." You put your hand on your hip.

"Issues? Now I don’t think that’s necessary. How about I make it up to you?" He mocks you by putting his hand on his hip too.

"How will you make it up to me? Do you know how much beauty sleep iv lost because of you?" You quirk your brow.

"Well before I even give you an answer I need to know about you such as name and age."

"My name is y/n and I’m nineteen." You answer.

"Seven years apart mmh, well how about you let me relieve all that stress you got pent up? If you know what I mean. My name is Yuta by the way." He places his helmet under his arm.

27 and he looks young? He’s also not bad looking at all. It wouldn’t hurt to try something with someone more experienced than you. "Sure but I would hate for your back to give out in the middle of it." You hum

"Hey I’m not that old, let’s see who’s back gives out first huh?" He chuckled as he followed you back to your shared house.

Your roommate was luckily out of town for the week so you had the whole house to yourself. It didn’t take long until he was over you. Smothering you with kisses and the string cologne he wore that smelled rich of leather. His bangs touching your forehead as they dangled over you. He still held his helmet in his hand before he dropped it so he could get a better hold of you.

The kisses were fast but deep. It was almost as if he was so desperate to get a taste of you. As he continued to kiss you his gloved hands snaked under your shirt and fondled your breast. You couldn’t lie and say he didn’t look fine with his blacked out gear. If you knew he looked like this you would have confronted him long ago.

Pulling you closer to him he removed your bottoms and his right hand glove. "Want me to teach you how a real grown man should treat a lady?" He whispers in your ear before sliding his fingers in you.

He long fingers bend and move around inside of you. He made sure to touch every spot causing you to throw your head back in pleasure. Biting your bottom lip you shake your head unconsciously. You didn’t even noticed when he crouched down and began to eat you out. That was until your legs began to shake uncontrollably.

"Yuta" you moan

Hmm? He Hums causing you to jolt from the sudden vibration. Why was he so good at this? Could it be his years of experience? Whatever it was you wanted to thank everything that made it possible for him to be with you tonight. He was eating you out so sloppily that the noises echoed in the room. His tongue glided side to side on your clit as his fingers moved in and out of you. You gripped his hair as you got closer to your orgasm. His other hand grabbed your thigh so you wound the able to escape his grasp.

When you started orgasming you moaned his name once again. Tears rolling down your face from how good it was.

Turning you over on your stomach you could hear him unbuckling his belt. Tilting your head back you could see him adjusting himself to your entrance.

"Arnt you going to take your clothes off?" You ask him wondering why he was fully clothed.

"Wouldn’t want to distract you from the main event." He smacks his hard member on your behind.

He then leaned over you and grabbed your face directing you to look at your pile of stuffed animals in a corner.

"Arnt you too old for those things?" He says amused.

"You can never be too old for stuffed animals" you mumble.

Without saying another word he slammed right into you. Your eyes widen at the feeling of being filled up. You don’t think you’ve ever had something this big inside of you. Squeezing your eyes shut you feel how he slides in and out of you smoothly.

"There you go, you’re taking me so well. Thought you would have been crying for me to stop." He says as he quickens his pace. You grip onto your blankets as he slams in and out of you. Each thrust getting deeper and harder. You could hear him breathing heavily next to you ear. You could also heard how the necklaces and chain that he wore cling together with every move. His non gloved hand moved under you and began to pull on your nipple as he continued with his pace.

"You just so cute." He says as he kisses your head, your cheek and your shoulder. "I think I’m gonna start bothering you even more if it mean we get to do this everytime." He mumbles. "Not going to lie I was having second thought about this but I’m so glad I went along. You feel so fucking perfect around my cock." He wraps his arms around your body and slams you all the way into him until he reached places you never thought were possible.

Your jaw drops as he doesn’t let go. Your eyes rolling back at this new painful yet pleasurable feeling. "Yuu" you cry out trying to catch your breath but him hearing you say his name like that turned a switch on for him. He fucked you while you were still being lifted up. Your feet not being able to touch the ground as he used you like his personal cock sleeve. You squirm in his arms being overwhelmed by everything but he held a tight grip on you. At some point you stopped trying and gave in. Your toes curling as you orgasmed once again coating his member in white.

"Easy now, just bear with me for a minute I’m almost there." He groans.

After a few more slams he finally finished inside of you.

He placed you back down slowly and collapsed on top of you. Breathing heavily, trying to catch his breath.

"Fuck, are you On birth control? Or do you need me to get you a plan B?"

[ash5monster01]

hii!! could you write something for charlie dalton and an insecure reader (they are already dating)? ive been feeling kind of ugly lately😭😭 tysm

I’m so sorry this has taken me so long, I hope everything has been going okay. Insecurities can really suck sometimes, but we just have to remember we’re all beautiful in our own way <3

Perfectly Me

Pairing: Charlie Dalton x FemReader

Warnings: fluff, self doubt, insecurities, anxiety

Summary: Dating cool and confident Charlie is proven to be hard when most of the time you’re insecure about everything about yourself.

word count: 1.1k

Masterlist

Charlie had always been Charlie. You weren’t entirely sure where he got it from. Somehow after all these years in boarding school he had found a confidence that set him apart from the others. You had never met anyone else that had lived life with their chin so high and smile so wide. He was confident, fun, popular, and you felt everything but. When he had chosen you it was shocking. How could daring and brave Charlie seek out the only girl that kept her head ducked and mouth shut. Yet somehow he did and everyday since you had been questioning why.

Especially on days like today. Days where Charlie’s laugh bellowed loudly through the lunch room as you sat quiet as a mouse beside him. Girls looked on with adoring looks and boys laughed after every sentence that left his mouth. His presence was large, everyone saw him, everyone liked him. It was so intense that as you sat beside the boy you loved you felt more invisible then ever, especially to him. He didn’t see you, there is no way he could have. You were nothing but an inanimate object beside him and you had only ended up in this position from a cruel trick of fate. Not only were you now invisible but humiliated because you couldn’t compare to him. You never could.

When the bell sounds you’re the first out the door. You didn’t want to wait and see if Charlie even acknowledged you, it would hurt too much if he didn’t. You barely went noticed as you left anyway so it would be no surprise if he didn’t notice either. But he did. His proud look turning into one of confusion as he spotted your form rushing away. He had wanted to kiss you, stare into your pretty eyes for a moment longer, but you were gone in the blink of an eye. He wondered why, it almost feeling like you were trying to escape him. This very thought plagued him the rest of the day as he awaited a moment to see you again.

Once classes were over it took him forever to find you. He felt like he had turned Welton upside down in search of you until he finally found you curled up on a window seat in the library. Your eyes were cast downward at the book in your hands, your forehead pressed against the cool glass of the window where you sat. You were so beautiful and his heart yearned deeply for you in that very moment. He wished you didn’t feel so far away. He just wanted you two to be okay. As much as he talked about always having a girlfriend he never thought he’d be lucky enough to have one, especially you.

“Found you” you jump slightly at the sound of his husky voice. He’s lifting your feet and sliding beside you before you can react. He doesn’t make any notion that the window is cold against his back as he finally looks at you.

“I wasn’t hiding” you finally say, a bit nervous in his presence which you hated.

“Felt like it” the sad way he drops his gaze from you makes your heart clench. You hadn’t meant to hurt him but he had unintentionally been hurting you.

“I know” you whisper and Charlie looks up to see the sad expression you wear, one that matched his own.

“Can you tell me why?” he asks and you notice how small he seems here. He isn’t loud and proud Charlie, he’s your boyfriend who’s afraid you’re going to say something that hurts him and even worse you know what you have to say is going too.

“I don’t know why you’re with me Charlie” you say, officially closing your book and giving him your full attention.

“What do you mean?” he asks and you bring your hands to your face, sighing into them before looking up again.

“I’m not like you Charlie. You’re good looking, popular, outgoing. I’m just not” you say, exasperated and tired of not only being insecure about everything else in your life but about this too.

“Yes you are!” and this has you chuckling dryly, so tired of being lied to.

“No Charlie, I know it, you know it, and the rest of these imbeciles do too” you say, arms crossing over you chest and Charlie sighs as he presses a hand to his forehead.

“You are to me” he says calmly and you feel your heart rate accelerate at the confession. Charlie dares a glance at you to see your face flooded with sadness and confusion. He had never meant to make you feel small. “You’re the only girl for me. Maybe you’re not all that outgoing but that’s okay. I need someone who is going to bring me down to earth. I wanted to kiss my girlfriend today before she left after lunch and instead I watched her run away from me. I don’t try to make you feel worthless, I’m just so used to being loud and bold to hide the fact that I’m terrified my life won’t turn out the way I want it to. The only thing I’m sure of is you”

“Is that true?” you ask and Charlie chuckles even though none of this conversation is meant to be funny.

“It’s the most true thing I’ve said all week” he tells you and finally you take a good look at your doe eyed boyfriend. His floppy brown hair hangs in his eyes and the crooked smile on his face is still only ever directed at you. He loves you the way you love him, for all the things neither of you are. So you scoot forward and wrap your arms around his neck.

“I’m sorry I assumed the worst of you” you tell him and he gives you a tight lipped smile that you happily lean forward and kiss.

“I’m sorry I expected too much of you” Charlie apologizes in return and you smile before locking your lips with his own again. Pulling yourself closer to him your book slides from your lap and lands with a loud thud that has you both giggling quietly in the back corner of the library. Charlie doesn’t care about the attention it might’ve brought and kisses you good and hard again.

The best thing about Charlie is no matter how insecure you are, at least he will always be there for you. You balanced each other out and balance was the most important key to life. Balance love, balance work and art, and you shall be free.

[lingeringdesires505]

maybe its for the best

rin itoshi x reader

angst

rin can’t stop blaming himself, he knows hes at fault, that hes the reason the two of you had broken up. rin’s life mainly revolved around soccer, until he met you. all his life, his only goal was to beat his brother, itoshi sae, and show him how he too could be good at soccer. little did he know, he would be so caught up in his obsession with competing against his brother would ruin a relationship he had cherished so much.

28 April, 10.58 p.m.

The night you two broke up, it was after one of his late night trainings. despite being tired and burnt out, he still stayed back after training, pushing himself to his limit, in hopes that his skill would be up to par with his brother’s.

you laid in your shared bed with him, wondering when he would come home. his soccer training should have ended at 9 p.m., yet he was still not home. seeing the clock almost striking 11, you became more and more worried about your lover. you had sent him multiple texts, but none were read.

“he must be staying back after training again,” you thought to yourself. despite the constant reminders not to overexert himself, and that he should rest more, rin never listened to you. he would either brush you off, saying it was no big deal and that he wasnt tired, or just ignore you. you understood that he was feeling lots of stress especially with the upcoming soccer match, but you just couldnt stand there and see him destroy himself like this. it certainly wasnt healthy and beneficial for his physical or mental health.

as you reached the stadium, you saw a familiar figure doing his routines.

“rin! ive been worried about you. its already 11 p.m., you should come home and rest!” you called out to him as you ran towards him.

“ just a few more minutes…im almost done. after im done, we can go home, okay? “ he said without looking back to you.

as much as you wanted to let him finish, you could already tell he was extremely tired. the sweat running down his forehead and muscles, the heavy panting that you knew all to well — he was already pushing his limits, if you were to let him continue, he might over exhaust himself, doing more harm than good to his body.

“ rinnie, please, youre at your limit already, please just stop! youre going to hurt yourself at this rate! “ you begged him to stop, but he wouldnt listen. tears started to well up in your eyes as you grew more and more anxious, why wouldnt he just stop hurting himself like this and listen to you?

it wasnt long before rin snapped.

“do you really think im that weak?! besides, what i do to my own body is none of your business! youre just another obstacle in the way of my success, just leave me alone you lukewarm piece of shit, god damn it!” he shouted, his eyes filled with anger as he finally looked over to you.

that was when he realised he fucked up.

his heart ached as he saw hot tears streaming down your red cheeks. no, wait, he didnt mean it!

“please baby, wait, i didnt mean it. im so sorry i said that, please..” he immediately stopped what he was doing to run towards you, forcefully hugging you, frantically apologising.

you didnt say anything. you couldnt say anything. you were in disbelief — the man that you had loved with all your heart, the man that you cared for so deeply, wanted you to leave him alone? was this truly the way he felt about you? just an obstacle? a lukewarm piece of shit?

“baby please, i didnt mean any of that… its all my fault, i know you want the best for me. forgive me please… please, say something!” this time, rin was the one of the verge of tears.

“so that’s how you feel about me?… you want me to leave you alone?…” you managed to stutter out, trying hard not to start bawling on the spot. how could he say something so hurtful?

“fine. if that’s how you want it, dont contact me ever again rin, it’s over between us.”

you ran back to your car before rin could react and slammed the door shut, driving off to your shared apartment to pack your things and move out. you weren’t just angry, you were upset.

you couldnt believe this was how your relationship with rin was going to end. you always thought of rin as someone you would continue to love and care for, someone you would grow old with.

that night, rin laid on the grass in the stadium, looking up at the night sky, head filled with regrets, heart aching.

present

was it really worth it? rin always asked himself. sure, he managed to show to his brother that his soccer skills were excellent, but that didnt make him happy. in fact, after the two of you had broken up, nothing made him happy. how could he be happy without you? he was struggling to even live a day without you.

rin would spend countless sleepless nights scrolling through his photo gallery, looking at photos you had forced him to take with you. the poor man couldnt even sleep without your scent. he would often try and find old articles of clothing you had left behind around the house — it was the only way he could sleep, with your scent.

he would spend many hours training, even if there wasnt any upcoming matches. he was desperate to find any sort of distraction to distract himself from thinking about you.

some nights after training, he prayed that you would still be there outside the stadium, waiting to drive him home. he prayed that he could see you again, hear your sweet voice and hearty laugh again. he was so desperate to hear your voice again, he didnt care if he had to hear your nagging or your complaints, he just needed to hear you again, to see that pretty face of yours.

rin always thought about how foolish he was. before he met you, he felt that unfortunate things always happened to him. he always thought about how terrible and unlucky his life was. that was until he met you. you were like a blessing from heaven, an angel that came and brightened up his dull, lukewarm life. he wished he had known how to appreciate you earlier. if only he had opened his eyes and see how much you had loved and cared for him.

it feels like torture scrolling through your instagram page, seeing you move in with your new boyfriend, seeing you have dinner dates with him. he knows your new boyfriend treats you way better than he ever did, and he feels happy that your being taken good care of, but deep down, his heart was being ripped into shreds. it felt so wrong, but he couldnt stand the thought of you laughing, or smiling for another man. you were already moving on with life, getting ready to marry your boyfriend, and there was nothing he could do about it.

rin accepted that he could never be at peace with himself, especially since he had fucked up the only good thing in his life. it was too late for regrets, the only thing he could do now was make sure that you were safe and happy from afar.

———————————————————————————

thank you for reading!

word count: 1.2k

feel free to request!

please dont steal

@lingeringdesires505 2024

[whumpshaped]

a concept just rammed into my head and i will now share it with my fellow Ambac Rotators on this blog: beck and helle species(?) switch

beck as a (relatively) new vampire

helle as a vampire hunter

no idea where this is gonna go. i just had the sudden image of human!helle pinning down a vampire 🛐

good day anon. i finally have the tentative spoons to engage w the fantasy (that ive been meaning to write for FOREVER and ur ask served as a good reminder of my goals and aspirations thank u)

masterlist

vampire hunter beck

tw vampire whumpee, dehumanisation, pet whump

Beck had been overly cautious every time he went hunting. He had to be, as a stupid little runt without anyone to protect him.

He had crawled out of his grave and into the clutches of a woman he barely recognised, only to immediately be discarded once she realised he couldn't use magic. He had begged her to leave him alive at least, promising to stay out of her way and go 'hunt' on someone else's territory; not his proudest moment, but then again, he had little to be proud of lately.

He hunted as best as he could, picking off lone passerby and muffling their cries as he drank his fill, too frantic and hungry to really care about causing pain. Then he disappeared for days, sometimes weeks, terrified of drawing attention to himself. And the cycle would repeat.

Until one day, he slipped up and chose the wrong target.

Beck had never seen a hunter before, especially not so up close and personal — and now that they were straddling his waist and putting a stake to his heart, he decided he didn't fucking like them. He had his hands up on either side of his head without having to be told, completely still in an attempt to appease the hunter who had caught him.

"You're the runt," they stated, not even a hint of doubt in their voice, but Beck nodded anyway.

"Yes, sir," he breathed, very aware of the sharp point digging into his chest whenever he dared inhale.

The title wasn't a conscious choice, really. He'd had to talk his way out of quite a few confrontations before, and if there was one thing he'd learned throughout all of it, it was that manners never hurt.

The hunter looked amused, leaning down a little and inadvertently placing more of their weight on the stake. Beck tensed under them, squeezing his eyes shut in anticipation of his inevitable demise. "Sir? Have I gotten myself a polite little leech?"

"I can be very polite so long as I'm alive, sir," he said hastily, and they chuckled.

"Alive... as if. Don't flatter yourself. I've seen corpses that looked better than you."

Beck pressed himself even more against the ground. "You're right, sir," he squeaked. "You're right. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

"Hey, listen." They clicked their tongue at him, like one would to get a pet's attention, and he reluctantly opened his eyes again. "I've got a deal for you."

"A... a deal?"

Was this common? He had nothing to compare this to. Were all hunters like this?

"Only because you're so well-behaved." They pressed down on the stake a little, as a gentle reminder for Beck to keep behaving, and he was suddenly very eager to nod along. "You see, runts are pretty rare. And regular vampires... they can't really be kept. It's a one and done deal, I come in, I stake them, I get my money."

That was simple enough. Terrifying, but simple. But also– "K-kept?"

"Kept," they repeated, grin widening. "Like a dog."

Beck swallowed. He had a feeling of where this was going, and he did not like the implications. "I... I see."

"And while I'm pretty successful, as far as hunters go... This is a dangerous job. I could use a buffer."

"No," he said timidly. "Please, I can't do anything, I can't– I can barely hunt, I'm starving half the time–"

"I could do with bait, too," they interrupted, shushing Beck when they saw him open his mouth to protest. "And of course, because I deal fairly, I'd let you have some blood in exchange. Can't have a pet without feeding it."

That... That made the offer sound much better, all of a sudden. He hadn't had anything to drink in at least a week, getting by on whatever dead animal he could find in the parks at night. Drinking from roadkill. His mouth was watering at the mere thought of human blood, even though the hunter hadn't yet specified what they'd be feeding him.

"Mmm, what is it? Interested?" they taunted, and Beck couldn't resist nodding a little. He wanted someone to protect him so badly; apparently even if they were a hunter.

"What... what do I need to do, sir?" he asked as respectfully as he possibly could, already wincing when the hunter pulled out a collar from their coat pocket and threw it into his hand.

"First things first, put that on. We'll discuss the rest on the way home."

~

taglist: @whumpsday @the-scrapegoat @hidden-dreamland @delicateprincepaper @whumppmuhw @florissimps @nicolepascaline @oliversrarebooks @thecyrulik @pirefyrelight @there-will-always-be-blood @pigeonwhumps @echo-goes-mmm @whumpycries @morning-star-whump @d-cs @watermelons-dont-grow-on-trees @tauntedoctopuses @blueyellow8green @typewrittenfangs @whumpsoda @steh-lar-uh-nuhs @auroragehenna @whumpedydump

[midwesternwitchery]

Hi I am obsessed with your Konig story I come back to re-read it all the time! Makes me kick my feet lol when do you think the next chapter will be? My cage bars need some gnawing

-🌮

Well Hello there. I know I suck Ive been gone such is life. Anywhooooo here's a thing. I hope you like it taco! I had almost given up on this fic as I have been kinda hard on myself lately just one of those impostor syndrome things so THANK YOU for your ask I love it when people interact in any way but literally this made my day! If you have any suggestions please feel free to send them my way anon or not!

Die Sonne - Part 5

a/n- Again I'm not totally happy with this and I swear smut is coming. MDNI

All of her belongings had been packed up carefully over the last few days. She groaned rolling over in bed, it was tempting to lay around in bed for another hour but she had things to do, places to be. Oh shit. She sat up in bed. It was today. THE day. She had been struggling a bit internally. The more time that passed from her meeting at the agency, the more she was doubting her decisions. 

She couldn’t dwell on it now though as whats done is done. She had let her omega make the decision for her. One whiff of his intoxicating scent and her omega was practically preening. It would have been embarrassing but she couldn’t help it, honesty it didn’t seem like he minded though. Her thoughts drifted back to the way he seemed to zero in on her even through the blindfold. His instincts have to be off the charts considering his apex status. 

She rolled out of bed heading straight for the kitchen for a cup of coffee first thing. Once she had that started she began picking out her outfit for the morning. She’d be meeting him for the first time without the blindfold. She wanted- no needed to look her best, she really wanted this to work. Settling on a light flowing skirt, a long sleeve scoop neck top, and her knee high boots she was ready. She didn’t want anyone with her on her way to his home. She was nervous enough she didn’t need to add another person into the mix. Her things had been sent over to his home yesterday, the rest went to storage until she decided what she was doing with them. 

She pulled up the address on her phone, fingers shaking slightly, either from her anxiety or too much coffee. He lived near the downtown center. Her eyebrows raised a little when she realized he was in one of the larger high rise buildings. Grabbing her bag and coat she navigated her way to the subway. The ride wasn’t long, then she was back out on the street, another few minutes walk and she found herself standing at the entry to his building. 

The doorman opened the door gesturing her inside. She clumsily thanked him as she stepped inside, making her way to the elevators. Glancing back down to her phone to check the floor number she pressed the button and whoosh she was off.

Ding.

Ding

Ding

The doors opened to a small entryway. There was another door ahead of her. She stepped forward trying to keep her breath steady, and knocked.

A few moments passed with no response. Anxiety clawed at her throat as she checked the address and floor number triple checking she was at the right door. She was. So she knocked again. Cringing the entire time.

The door opened and all she could see was skin. Wet skin. Slowly she looked up taking in the towel around his waist, the water running down his chest and abs. Craning her neck she looked up at his face realizing neither of them had said anything and she had been caught staring. 

“Maus?” His voice rumbled through his chest. 

She was still staring. She had to stop staring. She shut her eyes for a moment in a futile attempt to get her self under control, “Hello König. Did I interrupt you?” Glancing down at his chest again she blushed. He on the other hand seemed to have a mixed reaction to her. His chest puffed up a bit but quickly he deflated backing away from the door gesturing for her to enter. “A moment Maus.” He stuttered out, “I- Ich komme gleich wieder” Then his back was turned as he fled further into the apartment. 

It seemed the big bad Apex Alpha was nervous too. That put her at ease a bit, at least they were evenly matched in that area. She stepped further into the apartment down a short hallway which led into the open floor plan that was the main living space. A large plush couch sat on one side a large TV across from it. The kitchen and dining sat off on the other side of the living area another hall way branching off to the side. Assuming she had interrupted his shower she decided to make her self comfortable on the couch until he came back out. 

As she rounded the couch she noticed the entire space seemed off. Her brow furrowed as she sniffed the air, then after looking around a bit she sniffed the couch cushion. It smelled sterile almost, like everything was brand new and staged. A small huff left her. He didn’t have any belongings displayed that looked personal. Maybe this was a new place she reasoned, but the file she had on him stated this address as his primary for the last 3 years. Before she could think on it further he reappeared fully dressed this time. His hair was still 

‘I can show you around if you like?’ He motioned behind him back down the hallway he’d come from. Mina nodded and rose from the couch approaching him. He turned flicking the hall light on and stepping to the side motioning for her to go first and explore. As passed him she hesitated feeling the heat radiating from him, his scent was so strong spicy and clean from the shower. A low rumble startled her out of her daze, eyes flying wide she looked up at him realizing quickly she all but had her face pressed up against him sniffing him. 

His eyes were pure predator, sharp and focused on her. Mina sucked in a breath. Shit. That definitely didn’t help anything she thought as his scent enveloped her senses. She felt like she was on the edge of starting her heat, but that was a ways off still right? She couldn’t think straight enough to even begin to do the math right now. 

His hand came up and circled her throat, not squeezing, just resting there. It felt … possessive but also protective like he was laying some claim on her. Regardless it cleared her mind a bit as he pressed her back into the wall behind her. His dark eyes devoured her as he bent his head down to hers. Pausing briefly he spoke, his voice thickly accented. ‘I’ve though of nothing but this since you left that room, but I do not want to scare you Maus….many fear me. I do not want that from you.’

Blinking up at him confused Mina was trying to make sense of his words. ‘But I’m not scared of you.’ He smiled at her softly. ‘Good girl.’ he murmured and lowered his head fully into the crook of her neck. She let out a soft gasp of air as his sharp nose pressed to her scent gland, sending shocks of shivers down her body. Her arms raised to grasp at his shoulders while his other arm snaked around her waist raising her up to his height. Instinctively her legs raised to wrap around his waist trying to hold her self up as he pressed into her further. 

He groaned deep in his chest as his hips settled against hers. She buried her face into his neck inhaling his scent. His arms tightened around her, she should be panicking at that, but god it felt so good to be held by him. She should push him away, not that it would do much good against his much larger frame.

The truth was she should do a lot of things but for once she just didn’t want to. She liked the way his body felt against hers, the way he smelled, the way he looked at her like she was precious to him because she was Mina not because of her designation. She could almost envision a life with him, but that could just be the hormones. 

She arched her back, pressing further into him. This seemed to snap him out of it a bit and he stiffened for a tense moment, then raised his head and began to lower her to the floor. She tightened her legs around his waist, resisting his attempt to release her. His eyes shot to hers, it felt like he was looking straight into her soul. Finally with a heavy breath he said, ‘I have a room prepared for you. They said you would want your own space.’ 

‘Oh. I see.’ she murmured quickly releasing her legs from his waist suddenly embarrassed at her actions. What the hell was she doing? She practically threw herself at him, and she definitely climbed him like a damn tree. Her face flamed a bright red as she turned from him straightening her hair and clothing out. She didn’t want to look at him and let him see how much he had affected her. He had accepted her as a mate but she couldn’t help but feel a slight sting of rejection. 

Before she could escape to lick her wounds in peace his hand reached out and grasped her chin, tilting her face up to his. Stubbornly she kept her eyes on his chest, refusing his silent request to look at him. König ducked his head forcing her to look at him. After a moment he clicked his tongue, ‘Ah little Maus do not be sad. This is not a no.’ He paused for a moment looking for the words. ‘This is a not right now. You have just come to my home, alone at that. I wish for you to settle in, relax, there is no pressure here for you. You are safe with me.’ He said the last bit with a little growl. 

Relief washed over her at his words. He wanted her but he was right. She needed rest and to get accustomed to her new surroundings and mate. She nodded to him gesturing to the hallway, ‘I’ll follow you this time.’ she smiled at him and for the first time he smiled back like really smiled. And god was it brilliant. 

He showed her to her room down the hall to the right, there were two doors opposite each other. He gestured to the door on the left, ‘My room is here and yours is…here.’ He opened the door to her room gesturing for her to enter. All of the air left her body. Every surface was covered with flowers, a wild rainbow of color in every direction. Beyond that the bed sat in the center covered with overstuffed pillows and fabrics of all types, some soft and silky others more like a plush fur. To the right was the door to an attached bathroom with a sunken tub and on the left was a massive walk in closet. 

She turned in a circle in the center of the room, breathless at the effort he had put into her room here with him. When her eyes found his he stepped forward to grasp her face in his large palms, his thumbs brushing the tears she hadn’t noticed spilling over. ‘Maus why do you-Ah what is the word?- tears? No. Cry! Why do you cry?’ his words spilled out so fast she began to laugh. His face morphed into one of real concern at my emotional state. 

‘No I’m fine please I’m sorry I don’t mean to worry you its just… No one has ever put this much effort into anything for me. I guess its all a bit overwhelming.’ He nodded in agreement as he wiped the last of her tears away. He touched his forehead to hers before whispering, ‘Go. Take a bath and relax. I’ll have dinner ready when you’re done.’ Then he was gone leaving her to do as he said.

She waited until she was sure he was far enough away before squealing like a little girl and dropping face first into her new bed. Maybe this could work after all. 

Translations -

Maus - Mouse

Ich komme gleich wieder - I'll be right back

[vexingwoman]

Uh not actually here to hate but to say thanks???? Ive been thinking alot on my self expression and trying to figure out how to word it, and seeing some of your comments with other people really helped to put in perspective what I was trying to come to terms with. Ive always struggled with my gender but acknowledge fully that I'm biologically female. (Stay with me here till the end please i know lol) I genuinely dont care what pronouns I'm called either and none have ever felt right if I'm honest and nothing I've read or tried has been adding up for me over the years to help me feel any better.

Kinda realizing over the past year or so that I just have this deep ingrained idea from being surrounded constantly my whole life in a woman hating environment that I just have a *really* heavily masked hatred for what general society treats women as and was trying to remove myself from it hoping itd somehow save me from the terrible shit we all go through daily. And it just made me feel even more alienated doing that to myself. Its been a long time of coming around to this and I know how it sounds but I dont wanna consider any of my time wasted. I dont remember what it was but something you said to someone in a long ass comment fight clicked for me and rn I'm sleep deprived and wont even remember what it was in the morning either but I feel like some kind of weight has been eased off me. Im doing my best to unlearn the sexist misogynistic bs ive had shoved down my throat my whole life that made me think being a woman was something to be shameful of and better off without.

Its been hard trying to look into this radfem community and find someone who didn't immediately just insult and exclude ppl that werent already on the ball agreeing. Basically I appreciate your ranting with strangers. Amd indulging some of their curiousity as clearly as you can+defining everything you say constantly so I dont get lost in a whirlwind of hard to understand metaphors. Idk you get it. Something clicked and i dont feel ashamed for the time gone bc I know it was heavily influenced by the oppression of all things normal-human-womanly around me. I hate that we're all so tied into these stereotypes. Its painfully hard to unlearn. Thanks for the help. Have a fat block of text as thanks cause I'm not sure how to sound as genuine as I feel rn. Have a nice day and an even better tomorrow. Im gonna get some sleep now💀(stayed up WAY too late painting lol) bye!

This is so wonderful to hear. I know how dreadful it is doing serious introspection and making yourself aware of how deeply and unconsciously your internalized sexism runs. I’ve been there, and I know it’s even more difficult to deconstruct the subtle sexist attitudes which have been ingrained into to us since birth. Often it seems as hopeless as chasing smoke, because some of our internalized sexism is so deep that it’s invisible, and worse, inarticulable.

Some women will never think on these subjects beyond their surface level—will never dissect their preferences, will never concede that their choices are influenced by sex-based socialization, will never seriously reflect on why they are so desperate to identify out of womanhood. And in a strange way, I sympathize with these women, because I understand that it’s easier to shut your eyes and convince yourself that you were born in the wrong body than it is to open your eyes and acknowledge how much sexism has seeped into and corrupted our own minds.

Basically, I’m proud of you for putting yourself through the pain of deconstructing your own internalized sexism. You are better for even attempting it, and I hope you continue to do so.

P.S. I know exactly which long-ass comment fight you’re referring to, because I only put myself through that once. At least someone benefited from the literal month I spent arguing with that stranger. They blocked me, so unfortunately I can’t even go back and analyze the conversation if I ever wanted to. I would love to know what you took away from it, if you ever do remember.

[aurienneirua]

trying to think about how aurien would take castor’s death since i haven’t really articulated it quite yet . .

i think ill be using how blue diamond from steven universe take’s pink’s death as a bit of an projection onto aurien and inspiration !

well, ill start on how aurien was with solei’s disappearance . since me and @billwasnot actually discussed this before, i feel like i can articulate and word this much more then i usually do . ill also limit how long this is since that’s probably for a whole nother post .

( edit after finishing : wow im a really bad liar )

to put it into simple and hopefully straightforward words, aurien did not process solei’s disappearance at first, and her feelings about it in extension .

when they finally started to bubble up, she shoved them down . they poison parts of her in response, and she’s stuck in a cage and cycle of grief, slowly shutting down mentally and emotionally . even when she and solei reunite, she still has them shoved down .

now, finally onto cas !

for him mainly, id say she feels empty after his death .

she falls into a prolonged period of time where she either feels just . . empty, or all she can feel is pain and grief .

although she openly expresses her emotions now and doesn’t shove them away, she instead wallows in them, refusing to move on because she just doesn’t want to .

the words im referring to starting at 1 : 07 and ending on 1 : 16 being :

“ im sorry . im so sorry . i should have done more . ————— says it will all be over soon . i wonder what you would think . “

also think blue’s tone matches her exactly as well lol . quiet and low .

the words “ im sorry . im so sorry . “ transferring onto aurien in the way of how she knows she failed to save him, and “ i should have done more . “ being how she wishes that she could have, and regrets greatly how in the end, she did not .

also gonna put down some lyrics from what’s the use of feeling blue as well since that can also fit auri . .

“ why would you want to be here ? / what do you ever see here ? / that doesn’t make you feel worse then you do ? / and tell me, what’s the use of feeling, ( blue ) ? /

oh, how can you stand to be here with it all ? ( here with it all ) / drowning in all this regret ? / wouldn’t you rather forget ( him ) ? /

start looking forward and stop looking back, oh “

( formatting style originally by @sotogalmo ! )

ok, first, “ why would you want to be here ? / what do you ever see here ? / that doesn’t make you feel worse then you do ? / and tell me, what’s the use of feeling, ( blue ) ? / “ would probably be about her extreme unwillingness to move on ? and maybe also how as a result, she only feels worse and worse, inflicting pain upon herself because she feels she deserves it .

secondly and lastly, “ oh, how can you stand to be here with it all ? ( here with it all ) / drowning in all this regret ? / “ this one’s a more clear one for me . . she definitely is drowning in regret . another possible thing would be that the lyrics “ how can you stand to be here with it all ? “ can maybe be her actually asking herself that . .

how can she still stand here— why is she still here with everything that’s been going on ? she’s not special . so many people matter so much more then her . why does she live ?

anyways, i wrap it up here . . partly because i don’t think i have anything else to say, this post is already getting long, and im pretty disappointed about how this came out .

i came in with a clear mindset, ( which normally helps a lot when im trying to write things like this ) but it got muddled pretty easily . although i want to take more time on this, im not really patient with myself, and ive been having a lot of trouble wording things lately .

i don’t know how long it’ll take to “ word this right “, but i know it’ll be long combined with some other factors . I think I’ll maybe come back to update or expand on this though . . anyways, any thoughts about my depressed pookie aurien ?

( castor : @bluemoonscape )

( side note : lolol id love to hear your and possibly cas’s ( if he were still alive COUGH ) on this ! also i already have a little au in my head where auri and solei save cas . . and auri shoots and shatters a screen displaying kyo that was distracting cas mizi all in style . . may i know how he would react to this and hold up if they did save him . .

[bcofl0ve]

I'm new here so sorry if you've talked about it before, but what's the tea between Austin and Olivia deJonge? a while ago I heard someone say that they had something during the filming of Elvis but that they are no longer close and don't follow each other on Instagram. they also said that Austin was unfaithful to Vanessa with her, but tbh I don't give these rumors about celebrities cheating much credibility unless they are 100% confirmed 😅 thanks!!

oh, my sweet summer child…*pats your head*. this has become a veryyy contentious topic on my blog so i don’t talk about it much anymore but since you’re a new fan looking for info, as was i once, i will do one Final brain dump about it.

he still follows her and her finstas that i don’t think she uses anymore lol, but yes olivia unfollowed him in september. something that is funny (at least to me) within the context that said unfollow was when she went out with sophie turner and taylor swift. like…what did blondie say that pushed you ever the edge girl LOL. then little miss instagram anxiety unfollowed 100 random accounts the next day trying to pretend it wasn’t selective.

this is also a little contentious because there isn’t proof proof in the form of like kissing photos or something (just beach pap photos from nov 2020 where they aren’t touching each other haha). but in my humble opinion they were involved during filming.

timeline gets a little messy at the start, but i do think re: some late december early january gossip about him being seen with olivia that austin and v were broken up a hot minute before it came out publicly on jan 14th 2020 so 🤷🏼‍♀️. don’t think it was some big affair. they were def broken up before jan 2nd, a day that will leave in infamy lmfao. olivia posted a photo in austin’s shirt, which v fans clocked immediately bc he’d wore in it on vacation with v. and this was jan 2nd, two weeks before the breakup went public. i wasn’t in the fandom for this, but as ive been told it was a real mess. olivia went private briefly, deleted the pics, asked the society fans to take the photos down and it was the beginning of instagram becoming the seemingly anxiety inducing thing for that that it is now.

(ex: after the oscars last year she posted some elvis filming throwbacks on her story as a nice little end of the era thing. one of her and austin she wrote ‘so proud 🥀 @austinbutler’ on. she then deleted that story, reposted it, deleted it again, and reposted it without the text.)

and i mean yeah- big (probably intentional) goof on her part with the shirt thing. but idk. she was 21 at the time, and i’m willing to give 21 year olds a little girl what are you doing grace.

whatever happened between her and austin, the most she’s done re ‘shade’ is liking a comment someone left on her page saying she deserved better when he was seen with lily rose and something got sent to deuxmoi that said he’d cheated on her (imo he didn’t. she was just hurt bc seeing him move on stung, or maybe the door that should have been fully shut wasn’t. lily was august 2021, he left australia march 2021)- and hanging out with v a handful of times mid 2022 (though she herself never posted about it, it was either other people or paps).

a lot of people on here reallyyyy don’t like her, but i’m a fan so that’s my girl. i have a real big soft spot for her, and a while ago when a friend of mine in the fandom at the time told me ‘oh the internet wasn’t nice to her at all’ in the months after the shirt debacle it really hurt my heart.

even with a little smidgeee of shade as explained above ^ i think she’s handled whatever maybe not so positive feelings she has towards him reasonably. they seemed to get a long just fine and happy during elvis press- esp so in toronto which my fav interviews of the two of them are from bc that press tour stop was just them and baz. she’s never said a negative world about him publicly, and i doubt she ever will. the most candid she’s ever been about elvis filming was an interview earlier this year where she said she did ‘a lot of growing up on that job’ and that she sees her life as before and after elvis. i think that’s the most “deep” she’ll ever go down that road, at least for a long while.

between her unfollowing him in sept, turning off her tagged photos in feburary. and recently deleting a comment v left on a post of hers within 30 seconds (i presume bc she knew just like we did that v was doing that for drama/attention, it was right after austin’s esquire interview where he briefly, respectfully talked about her), i think she’s genuinely trying to move on with her life. which can be hard! i never get over anyone! and if my personal read is right that she was a mix between a rebound and the priscilla to his elvis when he was really living in that man’s head that’s even more of an idk…niche heartbreak to have to wrestle with? whether the other party actually did anything wrong or not. i don’t think austin did anything to her or broke her heart with any malicious intent at all. none of the olivia/austin stuff changes how i see him as a fan. he’s a complex human, olivia is a complex human. that’s the gist.

[just-a-shark333]

Dadbaccio au chapter 2 finally yayyy

uuughhhggggh same as last time ig

Words: 649(it's short, I know sorry)

Uhhhhh

They go home in this one.

part one if you haven't read it

Ao3 version

Haruno had no fucking clue what was going on.

All she wanted to do was wait for her Mama to come back, but that officer- Mr. Leone decided that this was a big deal and that he had to do something about it. Haruno hated police officers, they never did anything about anything that mattered! Like Mr. Leone, he was worrying about Haruno when he could be doing something about the city’s drug and mafia problem.It frustrated Haruno to no end, but it wasn’t like she could do anything about it. Not now at least. When she grew up she was going to join the mafia, like the man she had found in that alley a few days ago. She would join the mafia and work her way to the top, so she could destroy the drug trade from the inside out.

Haruno was drawn out of her thoughts by the sound of someone yelling,

“This is stupid! Outrageous! Completely insane!” It was Mr.Leone. Suddenly the sound stopped and the door opened

“Change of plans kid, you’re coming home with me.”

What?

If Haruno didn’t understand what was going on before she sure as hell didn’t now.

What was going on? Why was Mr.Leone trying to take her home with him? He seemed upset, had Haruno done something wrong? Haruno had had her fair share of less than great experiences with cops before, often being left with one to look after her while her step-father went to ‘talk’ to their captain.

Through those experiences, she learned that it’s much better to just go with them and whatever they want from her than it was to try to fight back, so, Haruno picks up her small backpack and slowly walks over next to Mr.Leone.

The taller man takes her hand once again and smiles down at her as they make their way out of the station.

They walked in silence for a while, creating a strange, eerie feel to the dark path they took back to Abbacchio’s apartment. The eerie silence was the kind that you can never quite tell if it was awkward or not, Haruno internally debates trying to start some kind of conversation with the taller man, but inevitably decides against the idea. The possible cons far outweigh the possible pros.

Soon, the pair found themselves up the stairs of a fairly average looking brick apartment, standing outside his home. After a moment of Abbacchio fiddling with his key in the lock he opens the door, allowing Haruno in before himself.

“Sorry it’s not much, but it’ll do for now.” He says as he kicks the door shut, “You can just set your bag wherever,”

Haruno set it next to the door. In case she had to make a quick escape, she wouldn’t have to leave what little she owned behind. In her bag was nothing but a coat riddled with holes and what little money she was able to pickpocket from random strangers.

The apartment walls were painted a gross yellow-beige-off white color that made everything look dirtier than it actually was- though, that’s not to say that it wasn’t. Looking around, Haruno could see various pieces of trash sitting around, mostly takeout boxes and glass bottles. Aside from that it was a pretty nice little place, a bit nicer than Haruno’s home at least.

She was once again pulled from her thoughts by the sound of Mr. Leone’s voice.

“You probably haven’t eaten today, right? I’ll start dinner.”

Ok, now Haruno was certain that Leone wanted something from her. Taking her out of the, admittedly very cold and uncomfortable, park to his apartment, and now making her food? Something was definitely up with this.

“...Ok. Thank you, mr- Leone,”

“It’s no problem, kid. You- uh- you can just..sit in the kitchen with me, I guess.”

Haruno didn't respond, just followed him to the kitchen.

---

Wooooooo it's doneeee

Took longer than I wanted it to but whatever

Ive been pretty busy lately and will be for a while so chapters are gonna be far apart, sorry.

I think this fic will have either 5 or 6 chapters and then I have plans to make this a series.

Uhhh but yeah

Thats it, hope it wasn't too bad

Go eat food, drink water, and get some rest. Have a great day/night, love you! <3

[kusundei]

i cant i feel sick. sick sick sick im fucking sick and idk what to do i feel sooo sosoo dramatic. plus im not even like ALONE i cant do anything his mom is right in front of me this is mortifying??? i just like cant stop shaking and i feel heavy. like i feel the weight of my body and its making me evil. i just cant stop thinking about it and in trying to rationalize. im okay its okay he’ll come back??? i left too. i knew he was going to go. i knew staying wt his house for as long as i did was goinf to kill me once i went back. i knew i knew i knew. i know and yet its still as bad as it is despite how much ive thought about it. i thought ifnoring it would save me or acknowledging it and prepping dor it would but nope. not saving me. making it worse.

Its just everythint thats happened these past few weeks keep replaying in my head and its like jesus chrisr. what the fuck im never getting this back? the time i spejt wirh him these past few weeks r probabky somethijg i will not experience again. at least not for a long time and not to this extent. being with him for that long keeps reminding me of how much i cant like? function? without him? its weird like of course i can function. but i shut down as a person. im not. happy. i dont think. its just it really occurred to me last night and i still feel awful i didnt finish his hw. if i have time i’ll do it and ask him dor his like login and turn it in for him but no i sat there for a while and just. it was tfb. i know it was they make ne EVIL i just kept remembering oh hes leaving. in a few hours. i did not want to sleep. couldnt. but i couldnt be evil either because i cant do that to him??? its so hypocriticalcbut its just like no he was already crying earlier i cant worry him like that. im nonchalant…… though i know he knew its just like. im okay enough. i know i couldve cried last night. not saying i didnt i did jusr a little. held myself in front of the fan cause i was forcing myself to be cold to stay awake and then just. idk. prevented me from crying i think? its just i laid with him and i kept thinking. oh this is the last time ill lay with him like rhis for q while. to sleep here w him. kiss him and just be in the same space and be simple and go out late at night and talk about random shit and not get wnything done and just be. to exist. it makes me sick. why cant i keep playing house forever? but no fuck that i dojt want to PLAY house i want to live it. i think truly these past few weeks may have made me selfish. at my core i know how i am and he says it all the time but you give me an inch ill take a mile ? or something along those lines its nust like . i cant? ive been shown something. given an opportunity. a life for a short amt of time incwhich i finally felt okay consistently? without feeling condemned? sick? evil? not saying it wouldnt happen every once in a while. of course it did i just sorta pushed it away because im taking in all the time i spent w gim and basking in that instead. i just keep thinkijg of how i mustve taken it for granted and not appreciated it enough maybe.

i know ill get back home and feel it again. it’ll hit me in full swing because ik myself. ill sit in my room and reqlise just where i am. how my life is and i cant escape the life ive been given. my circumstances and my life and everything i know i cant escape that. i cant escape my mom at least not for a long time and rhats the thing that weighs me down the most. im just tryijg to truly fight the feeling till i get home ? i wont tweak fully till i do. i know i will though. ive been fighting the same (ish) tweak for the past few weeks. i knew and i know. where i want to be still seems a thousand miles away ^_^ and pretendijg we feel safe right here gets harder everyday …. Heh. heheh. heh. i cant

[magnoliamyrrh]

its so fucked where the world is going. ive been encouraged in therapy to talk about my feelings with people close to me but i cant talk about how dying would be better than experiencing ww3 because i only get awkward smiles and empty reassurances because they know thats true. i dont know where to look for hope anymore

i get it :(( i really do. i barely talk to people irl about it by now, bc its either as you said above, or its my grandma who agrees w me and we just go down a spiral of "dear lord, what the fuck." some people get upset when i talk about it too, they say oh youre just being negative and then i list out 9000 rational reasons as to why this is realistic, and they just shut down and say something like, well what then, wtf are we supposed to do??. they get angry, which frankly is fair, bc theyre not rly angry with me even, but with it. .... ive got no idea how to cope with it anymore other than to try to not think about it, except its hard to just "ignore" when every half year some other shit happens which makes it more apparent to me were only escaping ww3 by some miracle maybe..... or idk, i try to place my hope that Maybe just maybe the whole world is aware that nuclear war would be so bad and ww3 would wreck so much that theyd stray away from it?... but ive got to be honest, i dont have that much faith in the rulers and leaders and anyone else whose driving this shit. ive not got much faith in much....... i want to say, we have to be our own hope, we have to be the hope of the future, we have to be what we want to see changed in the world. and i do believe that. but with shit at such a insane international scale, that feels hard to say..... the people generally have less power than ever in the face of governments which have multibillion dollar technology and which all back each other up, this horrid international web of opression and exploitation. how are the people of most countries nowadays supposed to revolt?

...... ive got no idea what to do with this feeling anymore. the economic state of the world, the exploitation which is horrdibly rampant, the pollution off the hook, the state of the climate, very tense international military conflicts left and right. it feels like the end of the bloody world.... and i know ppl from the beggining of time have always said, oh, were living in the end times..... but weve never had nuclear weapons before, a million horrid weapons, plastic radiation and chemicals in literally everything, and scientific data screaming in our faces to fix the climate before its too late - fix the climate, when the international community is at each others throaths..... god damn it

im sorry if this is not comforting to read, ive got no idea how to provide comfort when i feel the same way...... what ive been trying to just tell myself is to try to live the best i can with what is happening.... and if the climate goes even more to hell, and if the world erupts in war, at least we can hope we went out trying our best to be happy and at peace and kind and loving with each other, as much as we could.....

[maliciousspirit]

-turntechGodhead began pestering tentacleTherapist-

TG: have you heard from john anytime recently

TT: No, I can’t say I have. Why?

TG: bro hasnt responded to anything lately

TG: all the trolls either

TT: Jade has gone AWOL as well. I believe all of this could be considered noteworthy. Of course, only if you deign to consider our friends as incentive to actually listen to me.

TG: i honestly do not believe your freaky psychic shit

TG: shits redundant

TG: jade already gives out prophetic dreams like candy

TG: dont need any more obscure puzzle pieces to try n fit into this insane game

TT: Precisely. Jade telling us something from the future is commonplace. My visions are far more important.

TG: sure why not

TG: lets say your freaky psychic crap is right

TG: what am i supposed to do about that

TG: already conferred with the crocodile bros on lohac

TG: they werent any help

TG: they just squawked at me

TG i didnt know crocodiles could squawk

TT: Dave. Cease your inane rambling for thirty seconds while I attempt to drill my point into your brain, if you even have one.

TG: heard

TG: drill away

TT: If I am correct, John and Jade are dead. We are the only remnants of life left in this game. We’re alone.

TG: and what am i supposed to do about that

TG: cant go serenading their ghosts from their window

TG: wherefore art thou romeo

TG: and all that jazz

TT: Get your head out of your ass, Strider. You are the Knight of Time.

TG: uh huh and hows that helped us so far

TT: Shut up. We can handle this. It must be meticulously planned, and could end up in both of our sacrifices as well, but we can bring them back.

TT: You just need to warn John and Jade about it before they disappeared. When was the last time you spoke to John?

TG: when i prototyped calsprite

TG: actually can i just kill my past self for making that idiot decision

TG: i dont care if it causes a paradox bro

TG: i was an idiot

TT: Sure, we can arrange that. But that actually works out quite nicely if you think about it.

TT: You can prototype yourself into the kernelsprite instead of Cal. They are quite attracted to doomed or dead things, correct? You would be doomed yourself once you go back and change history.

TG: rose you ingenious bastard

TG: remind me to never question you again

TT: Noted. Does your time travel have any sort of limit?

TG: not that i know of

TT: We should try and progress through the game as much as we can before saving John. You can then buff your past self up and we can propel their game session forward.

TG: dope

TG: weve got this

-tentacleTherapist began pestering turntechGodhead-

TT: Dave.

TT: You cannot ignore me forever. You have not attempted to reach out to me in a week. It is not like you to be this withdrawn.

TT: If you are dead I am going to be very disappointed in you.

TG: nah im alive

TG: allegedly

TG: i could be typing this as a corpse though

TG: or i could be a crocodile pretending to be dave

TT: I’m sure. Are you trapped in whatever unnecessary time travel roller coaster you have would be helpful again?

TG: shut up

TG: ive got time travel down pat

TG: shits rudimentary, dear watson

TT: Elementary. Elementary, my dear Watson, not rudimentary.

TG: whatever

TG: ive been busy

TT: With what?

TG: trying to find my bro

TG: feels like planets empty though

TG: like were seeing the empty textures when you glitch through the floors in zelda

TT: It does resemble that, yes. Why are you trying to find your brother? I would think you would have been happy without his authoritative abuse.

TG: bro wasnt abusive

TG: stop tryna lobotomize me

TT: Apologies. My preconceived notions of him seem to have infiltrated my perceptions of him.

TT: However, I do have an actual reason for messaging you. The consorts on my planet are becoming increasingly more frenzied.

TT: I believe their status as NPC entities has caused them to begin to deteriorate, as our timeline is doomed. Considering their populace on both your planet and mine, a large percentage are dying every day.

TG: and

TG: this genre of panic has really run its course

TG: cool were doomed

TG: anything new

TT: I’m going to ignore your omission of empathy.

TG: sorry

TG: just tired of being freaked out

TT: Of course. Everyone knows a Strider must be reluctant for any sort of emotion. Did your brother teach you that, too?

TG: shut up

TG: you dont know what youre talking about

TT: It could practically become the Strider slogan. “New and improved- now emotionless.”

TT: It is quite reassuring that you are indifferent to our imminent deaths.

TG: your imminent death

TG: i just gotta be fused with a crow for the rest of my life

TG: become a feathery asshole and peck your past selfs eyes out

TT: Are you done?

TG: yeah sorry

TG: game’s got my stress taut

TG: pullin more than a truck outta mud

TT: What is that supposed to mean?

TG: no clue

TG: just that the syndicated crap the game has put us through is getting real old

TG: what do you think is behind the scenes

TG: im starting to think its those chess piece dudes

TG: never trusted them

TT: You’re going to regret blaming them when I vindicate their case.

TT: The carapacians are innocent. Most of them are just peasants under the Derse and Prospit royalty.

TG: my bad

TG: obviously the mastermind is a bald con artist

TG: got lockpicks down his throat and shit

TT: Have you been watching John’s movies?

TG: …

TG: no

TG: im gonna go kill some more cyclops dudes see ya

TT: Don’t you run off, I’m not done!

-turntechGodhead ceased pestering tentacleTherapist!-