#i could cry about him for ages
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svsss is such an interesting book ‘cause the main premise is seemingly comedic, but there’s so many heartbreaking moments that leave you thinking ‘what the fuck’
#i adore sqq so I rarely (if ever) talk about lbh. BUT CMON#that boy has been through SO FUCKING MUCH#i could cry about him for ages#svsss#my post
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Headcanon of Halfa ghost form being a reflection of their mental age and how they see themself my beloved .
#hachi doodle#Friend from the other side AU ??#i think just how much their form change speak a little about themselves too#Form changed alots could be uncertainties of one self while also shown their journey to exploring their own identity#while forn barely changes could shown that they are comfortable of what they are#Danny Phantom#vlad plasmius#on the other side ghost danny just let out all of his pended up emotion to vlad who come back even after all that happened few year ago#as he release more of his pended up inner thought his body s#shrunk down to the side of a 5 year old child face fill with tear and snort ungly crying with words so unclear it sound geberis#Then he feel vlad embrace along with all his friends around telling him it ok#he slowly grow into his true age
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Yknow I think one of the saddest parts about Malorn being a professor is that his social circle in particular must have taken a hit. Idk if he had any homies before his promotion but with that Teacher and Student relationship having to be almost strictly professional, I can't imagine it would be smiled upon to have Malorn acting buddy buddy with some of his peers anymore. And like that's really sad that one of the many aspects of his childhood is essentially taken from him because he's in this awkward spot of mentally, physically, and emotionally at par with his students but has to be different than that in order to be their teacher
Like imagine how lonely that is bro. He can't be a kid with his students anymore but he's not an adult that can necessarily relate to other adults either so he's just in this separate space all by himself because there are no others like him (except The Wizard who has at least some similarities)
Thinking about how Malorn's former friends just slowly drifting away from him not because they hate him, but because they have to regard him as a teacher FIRST above all else is super sad and once again I'm crying for Malorn in the evening
#im sure its not as severe as i make it sound LOL#like im sure malorn still has some moments with the people he cares about#and who knows??? maybe people give him a pass with being youthful with his friends and other students#but its got to be at least a little awkward imo#malorn has to be someone else in a certain setting. in his class or tutoring he cant be just a friend or a classmate#in order to be a good teacher he needs to be exactly that. a teacher#like theres a reason why a lot of them say ''im not here to be your friend''#and imagine how that hurts malorn on the inside to say that to people his own age. to people who actually were his friends#like on days off sure maybe!!! graduated students sure!! but to a certain extent#malorns position as a professor unfortunately has to come first at leats in terms of his students-#-so that means maintaining that mature tutor aura at all times. not just when its appropriate#because it could be confusing and muddle boundaries if he just switches his teacher personality on and off just whenever#im crying for him. i always am.#malorn ashthorn i love you a lot#stay fresh. stay crispy.#wizard101#w101#wiz101#malorn ashthorn
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some illustrations/vibes from my uhh 29k memory trauma/disability focus orufrey fic, into the deep end.
#witch hat tag#orufrey#idk what more i'll draw so i'll just put these here. i think my failing eye qifrey will be with me forever now.#yesterday - i realise this is probably weird - i BURST into tears for ages like hot tears bc i just suddenly was overwhelmed#by oru's feelings rather than qifrey's. i was just in my orufrey mindscape as usual teehee and i just. oru wanted qifrey to be able to look#at him so much suddenly. and realised that can't ever happen again. i could literally cry a lot again now. i wrote oru trying so hard#to focus on the good qifrey can still have from living and i felt bad and HE felt bad in that moment for being SO sad about it#but until then i/he hadn't processed the truly painful parts of disability that you can't deny. sometimes it hurts so bad and it's unfair#the thing is i do feel that shirahama is leading up to this. disability is so central to witch hat and as for qifrey's narrative...#mm. i can't really believe the powerful and desperate emotions orufrey give me lol anyyyyywwaaayyyyy read my fic haha#i want more ppl to read it and tell me they enjoyed it..but you can't beg for such a thing. no matter what orufrey is..god they are so much#i am so glad from the bottom of my heart that i encountered this manga.#the first drawing is meant to express the feeling of pain coming from one place in your body. and feeling like a conduit#*oru voice* You are a human being.
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hm.
hm.
#personal#house of the dragon#cannot handle it. in fact? i refuse to handle it#you know that cersei quote where she says that joffrey was all she had at one point before myrcella was born#like.........that#it's also that from what i remember of the third episode she's like putting aegon to bed and spending time with him as a baby#and we know that she did have a certain level of involvement with her kids#she had nursemaids but she was always the one trying to calm baby helaena down when she was crying#and then we have aegon who is hiding in a sept and then when pulled out saying he only want his (deeply religious) mother#a religion where one of the major gods is The Mother#it is literally just too much for me#god there's something about the relationships alicent's kids have with each other and the relationship they have with her#that really just gets to me i could talk about all of them for fucking ages
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I work at an alternative school for teen students who for many various reasons are unable to be functional in a traditional typical classroom setting - disciplinary reasons, anxiety, emotional disorders, trauma, etc. - and I assist with a lot of english classes. It makes me a little sad that the teacher I work the most closely with hates the catcher in the rye so much because I’ve been rereading it and I think my students would relate really closely to Holden Caulfield. Caulfield may be annoying and whiny and privileged and obnoxious but I think the narrative of a teenager who acts out and postures himself to be older than he actually is and is struggling to comprehend and process a lot of trauma in his life so he does things he can’t even explain to himself and acts self destructive and lashes out to other people and has emotional breakdowns for seemingly no reason would be REALLY relatable to a lot of my students and I wish I could teach it to them...
#we read books out loud in class instead of assigning readings too so like#i could stop in real time and ask them to think about WHY they think holden is doing specific things#why holden starts crying when the pimp asks him for money#why holden says he doesnt care much about his siblings but then knows every timestamp on their daily routines#why holden gets so upset over other boys his age sleeping with girls but holden doesnt do it himself#why holden gets himself into fights but doesnt like fighting back#why holden zones out while hes being lectured and thinks about the ducks in the pond and where they go during the winter#he's like a very well illustrated example of a kid who projects all of his own issues onto everyone else because he doesnt know how to#process whats going on in his life#and it makes me sad how much of a bad reputation the book gets#bc reading it reminds me so much of my students who i love very dearly#who are very misunderstood and struggle with so much that isnt their fault#idk i think my students might have a lot of empathy for holden#i wish i could teach it to them but i dont control what we do in class
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thinking just a bit too hard about how the added depth given to tifa and aerith's friendship only increases the weight threatening to crush tifa after the forgotten capital, she already had so much to carry on her weary shoulders, she's going to have to carry even more when mideel happens, and it doesn't even stop after meteorfall, ohg od oh i love her so much i
#(sobbing and crying and snotting everywhere) AERITH GAVE HER SOMEONE TO CONFIDE IN ON SUCH A TUMULTUOUS JOURNEY#SOMEONE SHE COULD BE AS CLOSE TO FULLY RELAXED AS POSSIBLE#SOMEONE TO GOSSIP WITH OR SHARE HER CONCERNS OR JUST. BE A NORMAL GIRL WITH#YUFFIE'S THERE BUT SHE'S JUST A KID AND TIFA WOULD NEVER WANT TO HARM THE AIR OF CAREFREE CHILDISHNESS SHE MANAGES TO MAINTAIN EVEN IF#ITS BECAUSE YUFFIE IS HIDING THINGS THAT ARE CRUSHING HER#but poor tifa . gentle tifa. is now left to regret. to blame herself.#she has barret who acts like a father figure to her sure - but despite how much she cares about him and values her frienship with him#he's not aerith. he's not someone she can just gossip about first loves with. not someone she can fully Relate to. if you get what i mean#she is left to trace back the thread of how poor aerith got caught in this mess#she was the one to ask aerith to save marlene. but how did they get there? aerith refused to let cloud be a bystander in wall market#how did that happen? she made a risky choice that put her in a position where their paths crossed. why? because cloud was briefly lost#during the bombing mission. why did the bombing mission happen? she couldn't stop it. ETC ETC#NONE OF IT WAS HER FAULT... BUT SHE NEVER WANTED TO DRAG INNOCENT PEOPLE INTO THIS AT ANY SINGLE POINT#AND NOW SOMEONE WHO QUICKLY BECAME A CLOSE FRIEND IS GONE oh lord my heart#all of this added onto the things like how alone she was in nibelheim... it was just her and her dad for some years after the boys all left#and then the Incident happens and she loses that last person she had... and to an extent another she didn't even know was right there(cloud#god i could talk about her and how she has suffered more than jesus for ages (happy easter. lmao)#FF7 Rebirth spoilers#just in case?? for anyone who's only playing the remakes i guess. since this was basically already there the remakes just elaborate on it#i think about 'we found you!' 'i guess you did!' SO OFTEN#these two girls mean the world to me and i will not let you reduce them to love interest rivals#when tifa ran over to aerith's body i think everyone in the world heard my heart shattering into dust#these thoughts are a bit disjointed and don't articulate well what i mean but god. god. i am thinking about her today
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You seemed to like the first ones so uhhhh here is more because i really enjoy drawing this guy. digital this time!
AUVFHJNDMKVFDK,LM?????/ MY BOY. MY BOY!
#ask a ghost#asker: saltyr3mix#au: where the dust settles#tagging this as nyx#<- bookkeeping tag#anyways oh my GOD??#lovely watcher boy <3 he has seen hell and back and he's literally just. a random 17 year old.#canon age for you with that one :3#(this is why pandora refers to him as a kid a couple of times.)#also eensy little canon detail: nyx has brown eyes :3#a couple of appearance notes since im thinking about it: nyx's hair was bleached at the time he was caught because of a bet he made w viole#he's one of the younger people working for starr after getting recommended to go there by a few people#i have no idea how far you are in the story PVNKDL there's a point where this all gets shown but i could happily talk more#he deserves more screen time but pandora hates him vehemently so he doesnt get a lot of it </3#<- this is why i have plans for alternate povs and other stuff. since pandora has such a limited scope.#nyx is the youngest person in the group (before that title was held by accius but only barely)#okay thats enough random info pfnjhfdkmld#also i swear to god im gonna cry one of these days youkeep DRAWING THEM i never expected anybody to do that </3#(happy tears i swear)
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Will reading Naruto manga cure my depression
#it won't. but i have such a spot in my heart for gaara and sasuke#ik sasuke is like. the most popular. but no one understands him right. not like me#im only half joking#and i cant even talk abt gaara i will cry#i could never get thru the anime bc omg so much filler and long ass fights#but gonna torture myself reading manga cover to cover instead#yes i am having a full blown naruto phase at age 26. this is fine#also reading the fma manga for the first time#to compare to fmab#in the agonies about ed. and roy. and guilt
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s. s ave me, meoto…
#n o t me clinging to meoto to retain my sanity bc g o o d l o r d today was the worst#today was truly a very bad; very horrible day indeeeeeeed#man. today truly was a comedic tragedy in every way possible. i’d laugh if i were anyone else tbh#first i couldn’t start my workstation bc we were out of this cleaning acid thing.#t h e n this other branch lab sent over a precise amount of [reagent] that we needed to make the cleaning acid thing#*and* what’s worse was that they also demanded like. 1/5 of the acid we mixed. like bro. make it yourself mans.#but the worst part was when i tried to use a dropper to poke this sediment out of [tube i was supposed to be cleaning]#bUT THEN HALF OF THE DROPPER MELTED BC THAT BUGGER CAN’T HANDLE HIGH TEMPERATURES AAAAAAAAAAAAAA#stupid new droppers man. the old droppers could handle 100 degrees just fine. s o now the tube is clogged with melted plastic and it’s just.#life’s *really* great sometimes yk~~~~? (ʘ‿ʘ)#and so the night shift dude who came to take over the workstation against expectations seemed kinda pissed that i hadn’t started anything#and im just there. with my intestines wriggling about like internal abdominal worms. tryin not to cry in the face of my mistake.#while he’s fumin’ away like a freakin’ chimney or sth. like. man. no one asked you to take this workstation. you came here on your own. :(#anyway i ditched him and left for my break to calm myself down only to be approached by some random terribly lost middle aged to old lady#who was looking for directions to *somewhere* but she only spoke chinese aaaaaaaa#and i can’t read maps/i don’t even live in the area of my workplace so i have no idea if the lady managed to make it safely#but. lol. the lady showed me her message screen when she asked me for directions to her destination#and by pure coincidence the person she was texting is apparently related to someone with the same first name as me#the cons and cons of having common names man. i hope the lady managed to find her friend with the same name as me though lol#anyways. pls hw im begging. pls drop the crossfade for lxl birthday tmr i n e e d more meoto to carry on—#s o b s this is what im living for now ig. meoto………..
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For all the teething I've been doing on Pavo and Esti i haven't been able to like, actually write any thing for them recently mostly because I've been Busy.
But also because I'm snapping between like 3 ideas for them at terminal velocity and haven't been able to actually get anything written for them and it's like having pumas bouncing around my skull at mach fuck as though theyre house cats at 2 am when you're trying to sleep,
#idea one is the day after things start changing and they haven't discussed it fully yet.#Pavo is mulling over some things and Esti is too nervous to ask about it. but they're alone out hunting#its such a nice day. and Esti thinks hes going to be saying goodbye soon. and hes making himself sick with anxiety over it#and they're alone together like old times but its Not like old times because Esti remembers how sweetly Pavo had kissed him that#morning after and how good it had felt to spend the whole morning in bed cureld up against him.#and Esti doesnt think he could stomach the idea of leaving without getting another kiss or at least finding out if Pavo regretted it or not#and the story is them being sweet on each other and avoiding the big heavy topic until Esti can verbally ask about it. because like Pavo#knows him well enough to know whats eating him up. but he wants to hear Esti say the words#and then the second idea is Esti waking up from a nightmare after hes been brought home from that hell. he screams for Pavo and#like of course pavo is on his feet and at the door that separates their rooms in an instant. but its locked and Esti is too#scared to navigate to it because hes already wound up and hes still not used to life as a blind man. so the idea of getting out of bed#and crossing an open room with nothing to help him orient himself is Terrifying.#probably more than it should be but the nightmares are still fresh in his head and hes having to make himself focus and ignore them#and just reasure himself that it Actually is Pavo and not one of those monster that had used his voice. and its hard hes crying and Pavo#has to take down part of the fucking door frame to get the sliding door off its tracks without just busting it down since Esti didn't#need that particular audio experience right now and he liked that doors painting and Pavo had already sent for the craftsperson who#made his eyes to commission them to make a set for esti. and he doesn't want to destroy something pretty esti likes when itll only be a few#until esti can enjoy it again. and he gets into the room and esti scooches over in bed to welcome him into it because despite Everything#esti still will always feel safer pinned between a wall and Pavo than anywhere else. and he just needs to feel safe.#and the third thing is because of something deardest said a yesterday i think about Pavo in his old age. and im just Chewing on the image#of him and esti in his carriage. Esti's hair has gone white and hes nearing his end. and thentwo of them are together and happy#and able to reflect on the lives they've had together. and its mostly just the idea of Pavo being glad hes so much older than Esti. because#it means despite Esti only being half demon and having a much shorter life because of it. Pavo isnt going to outlive him by very long.#and All of this. Everything was because of how scared Pavo was to be alone. and hes not going to have to be in his last days.#so Yeah. thats been whats on my mind when im not devoting it to like lame shit like work#wow im bad at reading#their url is derederest#not deardest
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Reading moodboard #84430940 (Patreon)
#Doodles#I wonder what this is in reference to lol - could be anything really!#Bit funny actually - I was reading something else in overlap at the time - a fic from another fandom though it ended up not being for me#Different authors just speak to different people! It was fun to come back to something familiar and realize Just how much I appreciate it ah#Novel and familiar! My very favourite <3 And of course it was a wonderful experience on top of that hehe ♪♫#Numbers lol - I really have done way too much age headcanon math pfft#I just love timelines! And even if the hints aren't exact they /are/ hints and I'm going to use them!!#The numbers that are established are such fun markers - and using characterization as hints towards how many years have passed! Ah! ♪#Like how it's definitely possible that Max took a two year but considering his family he was probably pushed to do a four year#There's no confirmation either way but it's just so fun to consider what they'd do based on how they're written!#These are the kind of written math problems I enjoy hehe#I was being a bit self-deprecating for that doodle actually tho lol - art mimics life and all that pfft#Also confirmation of him being a Lit Major ❤️💕💖💞💗 Small details give me big love you must understand this lol#As evidenced lol ♪ Adding to my playlist definitely didn't help it very strongly upgraded to Big Love for like a week straight lol#Terrible ♪ Couldn't stand it <3 Genuinely painful ♫#Lol - ''finding'' more - it's what had my blood on fire! I'm so grateful for mirrors#Anyone who's been following me for a while knows I have this whole thing about Legacy and what you leave behind and the internet in general#That the internet is forever except when it's not - that plenty of things get deleted or lost etc. etc. and it makes me very sad :(#So seeing that there was an in-built preservation - it only saved Some things but anything saved is precious!! It made me very happy <3#And then finishing off 💔💕 Beautifully heartbreaking ah#Even skim-reading later made me cry again! It's deeply affecting hhh#Another experience I'm so happy to be able to have ♥ Another tally on the wall haha <3
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you ever think about a character who just got so spectacularly fucked over by canon that you really don't know where to even start with making it right so you kind of just have to hold them in your hands and say "i love you so much and someday i'll do right by you" because
#(thinking abt fiona dra.gon age today)#('fuck the chantry' ma'am i'd die for you)#(what i wouldn't have given for her to get to interact with hawke. or velanna.)#(or for her and alistair to have CONNECTED god i cry so hard whenever i reread the calling)#(do i need another character? no! will i write her anyway? probably!)#(god. god. god. thinking bout what would have happened if we could have gotten her instead of wynne)#(fiona carefully avoiding alistair for as long as she can because He Doesn't Know and seeing him with the amulet knowing it's hers)#(watching her son fall in love for the first time. knowing he's likely to die in the final battle.)#(or fiona in kirkwall??? or even. fuck. a real explanation for fiona to have allied with alexius)#(because she had to have a fucking reason)#(and it had to be good so like. was she being manipulated? we know blood mages can hold other people in a thrall)#(and given the threat from the chantry we know that there was real danger posed)#(but what would have prompted her to a.) invite in a foreign power while trying to stay safe in ferelden)#(and b.) invite in a foreign power that frequently engaged in the enslavement of elves)#(when she herself has such a painful history)#(and is now responsible for countless mages. including elves.)#(anyway. holds her in my hands. i love you. someday i'm gonna figure out how to do right by you.)#(also. nevarran fiona whose necromancy could make the mortalitasi blush. it's what i deserve.)#(thinkin bout cassandra too what if i just put everyone on the new multi and subject you all to watching me reblog about them constantly)#(cassandra has curly hair i want you all to know this she has thick curly hair and she cuts it v short so the curls are SO bouncy)#iv. tilting pretty sharply bitchward. ( marianning )
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I genuinely tear up whenever I think about how English fans are learning Spanish for Quackity and how Spanish fans are learning English for him. He's really loved.
#i talk#dsmp talk#I have now moved from ''genuinely tear up'' to ''I am currently crying my eyes out rn thinking about it''#maybe this is a bit too tmi for a frickin tumblr post but#I'm Mexican and I've always been really deeply ashamed that I can't speak Spanish#esp because I look white passing and Ive dealt with the whole ''but you dont SEEM Mexican!'' thing my whole life#which — as someone who has always been fiercely proud of her heritage — never failed to piss me off#but I've always been too scared to practice with other people or with family#because I'm still afraid of that judgement and I'm afraid of not being seen as ''good enough'' or ''Mexican enough''#and like. I know I am I KNOW I am and there's no invisible standard or whatever I need to prove myself to#but at the same time. those kinda things build up over the years y'know?#then I got into DSMP and I found out Quackity was Mexican too#and I got really invested in his character and him as a person / creator#and when he joined Karmaland I finally decided to start practicing Spanish#and like. I've never been someone who could learn Any Kind of language outside of a classroom setting#and it's hard and frustrating and embarassing more than anything else#but I saw Quackity post about today's lore on his Spanish twitter a bit ago saying people should watch it even if its in English#and one of his Spanish-speaking fans responded to it saying how they started doing English duolingo for him#and like y'know Ive been an English teacher for ages and I'm always quick to congratulate people because learning a new language is hard#so I (in Spanish) respond by saying that I'm learning Spanish so I can watch Karmaland#and I say how amazing it is how everyone's learning a different language for Quackity and I wish them good luck#and I'm looking at the responses to both our comments rn and it's making me cry more#because the English and Spanish communities are both so enthusiastic and supportive of each other because we all love Quackity#I'm not really sure how to put my emotions into words but. it's nice to see that support. it's nice to feel seen by my own people#and it's nice to see that love trancends culture and language barriers#I see so much bad stuff in the world but then I see stuff like this & it makes me bawl my eyes out because we're all just people in the end#something about human connection and love and communication#I dunno. Quackity is very important to me and so is his community.#Anyways I know lore's gonna kill me today because this just made me bawl for 10 minutes#karmaland talk
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Feel free to ignore this!!! this is kinda like public journalling?? i dont wanna keep talking to my friends about it <3
#So obviously i dont want to “make this about myself” but im gonna push that aside to examine my own thoughts foe a bit#obviously 6 hours isnt a good time scale but i want to get this out of the way#so ive journaled some thoughts about how I WANT to let myself feel discomfort#-and gross and stuff so I can release it instead of pushing it aside and just prolonging the feeling#I want my brain to know i forgive myself for feeling like this in spite of not being the injured person because its normal#I am not worried for the guy that got hit because I know that other than a broken leg he is all around okay#although i did find out that my age estimate of 13-14 was wrong and hes actually 11 or 12#i feel bad for him obviously !!!#but this is for me to get out my own feelings#I am easily disturbed and his leg was VERY broken#ive not broken a bone before (or really been injured at all) and it made me very uncomfortable#I felt sick and/or like i was going to cry#I called my mum but she had to go in a rush because of Plans (totally fair!!!!)#The noise of the hit was insanely loud and definitely whats twisting me up the most#since i wasnt looking i dont know if it was just him getting hit OR if it was also the bone snapping#although the bone snap could 100% be something my mind made up#i think thats psrtly whats frustrating idk how much of this is real#like I thought i saw the inside of his leg but i almost definitely didnt#i dont know#im not like. DISTRESSED.#Im just feelinf kinda queasy i havent stopped thinking about the noise it made and how LIMP his leg was#I was so anxious crossing the roads on my way home#and getting off my bunkbed makes me think im gonna snap my ankle everytime#But its natural to feel that yknow?? like ill move forward and after that ill be able to move on too#I think feeling it is the easiest way to do this i dont want to push it down#i cant ask for a day off for reasons#oversharing on main#beverly says stuff#tw bones#tw car accident
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If your a dog owner who brags about how your dog would kill a cat in an instant, maybe go fucking off yourself and give the dog to someone who can actually handle it.
#we had someone move in next to us with his dog#and we have a few outside cats (not really our cats or else they would be inside. but we feed them and pet them every day) and his dog got-#out and killed one of the cats. her name was pepper. and i was fucking FUMING#like Pepper was a fat elderly cat. she was sitting on HER proch where she sits everyday and has for years. and here comes this ja koff.#she had no where to go. she couldnt run anymore becuase her age. and he just. let the dog get her. breaks my heart.#like im fr crying thinking about how scared she must have been...#but like. please handle your animals and dont fucking let them treat someone elses pet like a chew toy#also no hate to the dog its not like he could help being a dog. not his fault his owner lets him do this shit#animal death#tw animal death#vent?
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