#i could say that i am improving because i see the details that ive missed back in the day that i know now

[sentientstump]

its that time of the year, i had to redraw it

happy anniversary of me drawing tc art and doodles and stuff. awesome

[gremlin-writes-angst]

Scraps to a Tank

Ive been working on this AU for a while. I'm very excited to finally post the first chapter. I'd love feed back from anyone, about anything. This is one of my favorite things I've come up with/written, and want to know how I can improve.

I am tagging some of my favorite redacted asmr writers/Tumblr pages because I'd love to have some feedback (if comfortable and have the time) but also I just want to share what I have.

This chapter is a little cheesy, so small warning for that.

 1.7 k words

Fandom: Redacted Asmr/Audio

TW/CW: Quinn in other words toxic, controlling, abusive relationship. nothing graphic. This is a Boxing/Fighting Au so there is fighting, i wouldn't consider it graphic, but everyone's different so read with your own discretion.

Let me know if I missed a trigger or spelling mistake.

Please comment and reblog, it lets me know people like my stuff and encourages me to write more!!!!!!

The building was intimidating.

It wasn't tall or fancy like the buildings a couple of blocks down.

It was an average building.

An average gym.

And yet it was still so daunting.

They checked the card for about the sixteenth time.

The sign matched the card.

The dirty, crusty, crumbled-up card.

The card's appearance didn't match its meaning.

This card was their lottery ticket.

“That name doest fit you.”

They turned around, a man, a beast.

He was tall, big, rugged.

The definition of strong.

Standing right in front of them.

“Excuse me?”

“Your fighter name, it doesn't fit you. And honestly neither does this.” 

His hand slowly waved around, gesturing to the alley.

“You're better than an alley fighter.”

They couldn't hold back their laugh, short and dry.

Just like Quinn’s. 

“You must have mistaken me for someone else. I'm the fighter that lost.”

“I know.”

He steps closer.

Yet distanced.

He was still giving them space.

He respected them.

“And everyone and their mothers knows that fight was rigged. Though I could see it.”

Intrigued, they took a step closer.

“See what?”

“The passion. The strength, the techniques, you are a fighter.”

“I’m not.”

“You have the will to be.”

He stretched his hand out, a business card.

“I can teach you.”

“So this guy approached me today.”

All Quinn did was grunt and roll away from them.

“He says he can teach me how to fight.”

Their excitement was palpable.

“I already did.”

The air tensed as he fought to dampen their excitement.

For once, he failed.

“No, like real fighting, I looked up the name on the card. His dad is Gabriel Shaw, like Gabe Shaw!”

They hadn't felt this hopeful for a long time, and they wished Quinn would share their interest, at least a little, at least for once.

“Gabe Shaw, like the 3 time champi-”

“Two time, I recognized the name, he died before the last fight.”

The air tensed more.

Quinn was good at pushing things to their limit.

Even the air.

They hated it.

It was sicking.

They were sick of it.

Sick of Quinn.

“I think I'm going to take him up on it, he doesn't fight anymore, but from what I saw he’s good, just as good as his dad, and his fighters get pretty far. I could be a real fighter, I could learn real techniqu-”

“I already taught you real shit, and we already win.”

He moved fast and with anger.

Out of the bed he charged at them.

“Quin-”

“We already win. You're getting too cocky. Winning isn't about the fight itself, winning comes from the fuckers that bet, the poor drunk suckers we trick with the fights. That's how we win. You are no fighter, you know that. I’ve shown you that.”

He looked into their eyes, he didn't have to threaten them.

Not with details at least.

They knew it all too well.

That look in his eyes.

The tone in his voice.

It was all he had to do. 

And he knew it.

And he loved it.

He smiled, wicked and calm. Like this was normal, they supposed it was.

They didn't want it to be.

Not anymore. 

His hand reached for their forearm.

“Let us get to bed now precio-”

 They moved.

 Just slightly.

Just enough to avoid his touch.

"You don't want to do that, precious."

He was right.

They weren't ready.

They had to be ready.

They will be ready.

"I couldn't take it."

"What?"

The other fighter spoke, they weren't looking at you, their eyes on Quinn.

"Being with him. Dealing with him once a month is too much."

"Yeah. You're the first one to say that."

"Probably because the other fighters want to get in his pants. They just can't resist ‘The Viper’ "

They don't reply.

"Sorry, I thought you knew."

"I do, there's not much I can do."

"I think there is.”

"You don't understand"

"I do."

They look at the chunky heart-shaped ring on their finger.

"You can get out."

Those words drew them in.

Cautiously they expressed their interest.

"He's quite insecure, use it. Take away his control.”

There was a pause.

They looked around again.

Their eyes caught on Quinn.

A decision was being made behind those eyes.

When they made their decision it was clear.

They made eye contact.

Strong eye contact.

And continued.

“You'll have your moment. I promise. Take it or don’t, it’s up to you.”

They turn their back. 

" It's a little strange that you never win these staged fights. I think it's about damn time.”

"I hope everyone's bets are placed because the books are closed for Scraps vs Sweetheart!"

The announcer looks at Quinn, and with a quick nod, he starts again.

"Fighters ready?"

Sweetheart has an intense stare as they nod.

Scraps, on the other hand, doesn't hear the announcer the first time.

"Scraps? This fighter isn't even prepared, it's your fault if you took your chances on this underdog."

They snap back. 

"I'm ready."

And they were.

"Then…..FIGHT!"

The match starts, as planned. 

A couple hits, a swing of the legs and Scraps is knocked to the floor, as planned.

Sweetheart approached, to taunt, as rehearsed.

"Don't take this personally."

That's the only hit they give sweetheart.

Sweetheart's eyes glimmer as they smile.

"I won't. Take your moment."

Scraps grabs their neck, slamming their heads together before flipping them behind. Scraps moves fast as they get up. In the crowd, they see Quinn and his goons moving to the ring. 

"Sorry, thank you."

"Don't be, go."

They climb the makeshift fence and run. A huge smile stains their face as they leave the building, rain washes the sweat off their face. They keep running. Not running away from Quinn but towards freedom,  towards their future.

They took a deep breath before they opened the gym doors.

It’s bigger than they'd expected.

They'd never been in a professional gym like this. 

There were multiple rings, real rings, not the homemade stuff they were used to.

There's no reception desk like a public gym, but luckily David Shaw was the first person they spotted.

He was in a ring with someone.

They walk towards the ring, they can feel the other fighters watching them.

They get to the ring David is in.

Neither he nor the other fight realizes it.

"David?"

The two whip their head to you.

"Get out."

He was calm but still seemed angry.

"I'm Scraps, from the-"

"I know who you are. Now get out!"

They climb out of the ring, and begin their walk to the door, feeling defeated and quite offended they, whisper to themselves.

"Well fuck you mister big shot ."

"I'm not a big shot."

David says from behind. 

Scraps freezes up.

"When I said get out I meant the rink."

They stay still.

"Will you turn around?"

David didn't hold back his frustration.

Scraps feels it'd be best to turn around.

"Sorry."

"You shouldn't enter a ring without permission, not here."

"Sorry, I've never been somewhere this professional."

"You don't mean that."

"What?"

"Those sorries. That is not how you feel."

"I am sorry. And how exactly would you know how I feel? You just met me."

David's eyebrows raise as his eyes keep a dull annoyed look.

“To quote you ‘Well fuck you mister big shot’, that's how you feel, Don't act differently,  it pisses me off. I hate suck-ups."

Scraps believes him.

"Well, I'm not sorry, only because you don't have to be an ass, you said you recognize me, then you should of figured I wouldn't know these rules."

"I was an ass so I could protect you, get used to it."

Scraps smiles.

David rolled his eyes.

"It’s been about a year."

"Does the offer still stand?"

"Yes."

"Then what's the problem?"

"Nothing."

Silence rests between them.

Scraps isn't patient enough to let it continue. 

"So can I start today?"

"We can't just take you in at the last moment, the trainers have others to train.”

"I don't." 

A curly-haired blonde yells across the room, near a punching bag, and starts rushing toward the two.

"I'll do it." 

David takes a breath so deep it is visible from his chest. Before he let out a sigh.

"No."

"Oh come on David, I'm a great trainer."

"Asher, I know that, but I said no. You are not the right fit. "

"Ohhh you want to train them."

Asher starts walking towards Scraps.

"Lucky bastard."

He whispers, without maliciousness.

"So what do we call you?"

"Well, I've gone by Scraps for a while."

"Scraps? Really?"

He looks them up and down.

"That won't work"

"He's right, I'm not calling you that."

David seconded Asher.

"Well, I don't really have any other ideas."

"Tank!"

Another voice echoes throughout the gym. 

Scraps wasn't expecting to recognize anyone other than David, but rushing towards the group was the boxer who gave them the nudge they needed.

Behind said fighter was a guy, seemingly trying to stop the other from coming over. He was failing.

"That would be Sweetheart,  they're our newest addition."

Asher kindly tried to keep Scraps updated through all the chaos.

"They know who I am Ash, at least I hope they do, with the concussion they gave me. You've got one thick skull."

Slightly overwhelmed by all the attention,  Scraps freezes and doesn't answer.

"But listen, Tank, it's perfect,  there like a machine. They gave me a concussion for God's sake, and then, after slamming our heads together,  which had to have hurt them too, they flipped me. That mother fucker acted like I weighed nothing. They're a fucking tank."

"How many times have I told you to watch your language."

David made a sound comparable to a growl.

Sweetheart rolled their eyes, then looked over to Scraps, to engage them.

"He's not a fan of my filthy mouth."

"I sure am."

"Milo"

David sounded like he wanted to strangle Milo.

Yet, to Scraps surprise no one was scared.

The group just laughed it off.

It was strange to Scraps.

"Ohhh my god!"

Asher shot his hands out to get everyone's attention.

"If you go by Scraps now, and we change it to Tank it's like, like you're being rebuilt, becoming stronger. Which is fucking sick."

David shakes his head at the profanity. Before turning to Scraps.

"It's up to you, it's your name. You don't have to choose now. "

"I like it. I mean, I love it."

That's all they said, they wanted to say more but didn't want to overshare about their life after five minutes of meeting these people.

"I am a tank. So I'll be Tank."

If you'd rather not be tagged let me know and I'll respect your wishes.

@dominimoonbeam @romirola @ejunkiet

[lilyclawthorne]

Escaping Expulsion Thoughts (once again very stream of conscious-like while i rewatched the episode so there’s a bunch of stuff here)

i fucking knew odalia was gonna be an oracle, i knew and i hate that for her family. i’m not sure if this necklace thing is specifically a form of oracle magic or not but im assuming it is, and either way the second i saw it happen that made my stomach twist. the fact that she just keeps this direct line to her daughter at all times feels so disturbing

so, i get that the joke with glyph lessons here is that eda and lilith are probably acting the exact same way they did when they were younger, but it does also feel a little odd for me. in my post for episode 1 i talked about how it felt like lilith probably missed the structure of the coven, and maybe even having an authority figure, and it does concern me a bit that it could be projected on to luz here. 

also, i saw someone mention that they thought lilith could be regressing a bit, which is interesting seeing as she’s been in the coven since basically being a child and now that she’s out, she could be going backwards because that was probably the last time she had a personality of her own instead of one that was carefully crafted to be socially acceptable for others. and to be fair, the few moments in season 1 when we see glimpses into the true lilith, she is pretty childish.

anyways lilith has such pretty handwriting i love it

gus!! witch puberty!! do not worry buddy eda will get your name eventually. probably.

amity went out and murdered those fairies for luz didn’t she

i need to know why the heck bump has no choice in the matter of the expulsion. typically a pta (or pca in this case) wouldn’t have power that much stronger than the principa?? so i wonder if the blights have something over bump, or if its even just something such as donation money they’d withdraw

odalia blight you gaslighting bitch “I’m appalled you’re not in class right now what are you thinking” YOU MADE HER COME HERE

PLEASE i know gus and willow are sad here but the whole “live off the land” thing and “water you one last time, with my tears” are so fucking funny ok

GO LUZ, YOU TELL OFF ODALIA

i feel like alador doesn’t really care what’s going on and just wants to be back home making his abomination inventions, also he seems to have an affinity for different creatures as well which is an interesting detail

i love that willow stated they would get back in on their own right in front of alador and odalia. these people fucked up her friendship and caused her a lot of trouble that she shouldn’t have had to deal with so i love that she’s unafraid to speak like that in front of them

between the first & second episode, and some of the seasons trailer, it seems like Lilith may have an affinity for ice magic? which is interesting seeing as eda was always a fan of her “spicy toss” aka some fire magic. interesting to see the two of them as fire & ice basically

i LOVE how much bump loves luz, willow, and gus. it’s kinda really sweet, but again it feels so concerning that he had no choice in the matter. makes me think he’s more likely to eventually rebel against the standards that have been in place for so long at some point. (also abominations coven for bump!! interesting!! i appreciate seeing the coven marks included on the adults so far)

what is it with these kids and being dragged off by their hoods in this episode

love that the blights address includes “right arm”, also i took a quick look up of the word “bruegal” which is boulevard they live on, and it’s probably just a coincidence but the first google result was actually for a european think tank that specializes in economics

yknow i actually have wondered about layering glyphs on top of each other and making a super glyph the way eda did, so good to know that would NOT work out

luz you’re really gonna give the blights their own flowers??????

it goes by so fast but please take a moment to take in and appreciate the design of that blight entry room/living room-esque area and it’s combination of abomination and oracle decor. also the blight family portrait.

i could talk about alador and odalia and their relationship dynamic here, when luz is meeting with them, but i think it’s best to save for the end, but i will say i don’t think it’s just odalia controlling everything (though she does control a lot) and alador just suffering and being silent. 

the more i stare at odalia’s hair the more i feel like she has an odd receding hairline

love that the abomination kept the cat shape luz gave it and that amity knew immediately from that

WILLOW’S DADS!!! I LOVE THEM! I love how much they want their daughter to have a great education even if they have to be the ones to do it! (even if it could come across as a little intense) Although, the fact that they’re prepared to teach plant magic to her makes me question why they put her in abominations once again. (wish we could’ve gotten a glimpse of their coven marks!)

odalia is definitely the one who handles more of the parenting and alador is more distant. at least that’s what i get based on the twins specifying to amity not to tell their mom specifically

absolutely insane that odalia is just letting the abomiton destroy the whole place to kill a child

“stay away from my luz!” oh my god,ohmy GOD 

i like how lilith can’t tell if these are normal noises or distress ones. really sums up life in the owl house. also lilith? kicking doors in?? this combined with “I AM A WITCH, UNHINGED” tells me she’ll be as chaotic as the rest of the owl house in no time and i am here for it.

the music when amity jumps in to protect luz is absolutely killing it here i need a soundtrack now

YES AMITY DESTROY THE NECKLACE (and oh god please don’t let odalia give you something even harder to remove or destroy)

Luz is blushing!! The feelings are starting to be returned!!!

“Luz, Willow, and Gus are my friends!” love it. love the open declaration. love that she’s telling her mother off. love that i have something to check off my bingo board already.

okay, i know a lot of people have already suggested that alador is smiling here because he can tell luz and amity like each other, but i’m pretty sure it’s only because he’s noticing how much amity’s magic has grown and improved

small detail but i love the smoke from the units order sign filling the background while odalia is fuming herself

oh? alador has had the ability to tell odalia off and successfully calm her down this whole time? and chose not to use it till now? yeah he sucks too. he very clearly has a plan for amity as much as odalia does as well, but he’s much better at seeing the long-term goal

“the glyph combo, copyright me, lilith” im screaming, lilith you DORK

ok i really wish eda or lilith asked where luz had been. i’d kill for these sisters to go off about how much they hated the alador and odalia in school, as well as threaten to hurt them for hurting luz.

the statue lilith made and her reaction to the gold star she received re-emphasizes my concern about her need for approval and for an authority figure. (ok but her noise at the gold star WAS very cute tho)

alright lets get down to business on the blight parents. so far i definitely do not view their relationship as being one-sided with odalia in control. honestly, i think they do have a sense of mutual respect for the other. to me it seems like all alador really wants to do is focus on his work and nothing else, and odalia seems not only more than happy to let him do so, but willing to take care of everything else the company needs, and he seems fine with that and going along with whatever because he only has to do his part. and clearly his abomination tech combined with her showmanship/advertising (and honestly probably some oracle magic) has clearly made them successful. 

so what im saying is that i think their power in their relationship is actually pretty balanced, if it looks otherwise that’s just because that’s how they best function together, with odalia being more forward and alador being more distant, and therefore they’re very much both to blame for shitty parenting. 

also I know some people have joked about the blight family name coming from odalia (which is also a dumb joke like why is it funny if the family name comes from the woman and not the man) but anyways I definitely do think blight is aladors family name and odalia married in simply because he takes the whole blights keep up their end of the deal thing much more seriously than odalia. probably something that’s been taught to him since he was a kid yknow, whereas she was super ready to ignore it when it inconvenienced her.

as for the very final scene with them and the golden guard, i had an interpretation of it that i saw, but it seems that everyone else ive see react to it so far saw something different than me so maybe i’m just plain wrong. but like, i have this feeling that maybe the blight parents, while they do want power, might not be as aligned with the emperor and his coven as we may think?? not saying they’re good people, just that there could be more going on here. but idk, i’ve seen no one else interpret it that way yet so i won’t go off about it unless either someone wants to know more of what i thought or if i ever actually make myself get around to making a separate post about it. 

[neutron-stars-collision]

The Art of Inversion

Neil x Reader

Chapter 9 - ‘The Kindest of Kisses Break the Hardest of Hearts”

Previous Chapters: Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4 , Chapter 5, Chapter 6, Chapter 7, Chapter 8 (swear I’ll make a masterlist soon)

Summary: Back in London, you find unexpected help in the form of Ives. But when Neil comes back sparks fly... ✨

Warnings: Swearing.

Author’s Notes: So here’s the chapter I’m incredibly excited about... Suppose I should thank Dior for inspiration in this one. Hope you enjoy this as much as I loved writing the last scene! Please let me know what you think!

You did not remember the last time you were this happy to be back in London. After the mission in Paris was done, Jasper went back to Boston, and you were free to do what you wanted. You contacted TP, told him how the mission went (without certain details), and in return, got told to wait for more information regarding the next steps. By your estimation, it was less than two weeks left till Kiev and the day when the mysterious plan will be set into motion. You were scared.

Ever since that day in Paris when Neil called, you had a difficult time maintaining normal conversation with him. He would message asking about something as mundane as how your day went, and you would only respond with a short sentence. You could not really explain it if asked. It was as though after hearing his voice and letting yourself have that conversation with him, all the doubts came back with a tripled strength. Suddenly you could almost believe Jasper and his harsh words suggesting that you were not important in Neil’s eyes. Maybe he just liked flirting, and you were conveniently there? That sounded rather plausible. Ever since you started naming those thoughts, an ache in your chest was hard to ignore. And so you did the best you could, which in this case meant low-key ghosting Neil and losing yourself in training and work. 

Surely with enough time and space, you would get over it (him), right?

That was the state of your mind the day when rather surprising help appeared. You have been back in London for a few days and have not really interacted with anyone. Usually, you would spend two hours in the shooting range and then in a sparring session. After you were done, you would retreat to your room and try to ignore the texts that were still occasionally coming. 

“How’s London treating you? Say hello to Anna from me” you glanced at the screen and frowned.

The instant temptation to text back was still there. Only now, it was tainted with much more anxiety and uncertainty.

“It’s alright, rather quiet. I haven’t seen her around though. Maybe she’s moping after you”

Like I am? You sighed and chose to focus on notes from the physics class. You were saved from the study by an unexpected knock on the door. Without thinking, you got up and opened it, only to see Ives standing there with a cheeky smile on his face.

“Hi” you muttered, worried you have forgotten how to behave like a human being.

“Hello, love” he grinned “Hope I’m not interrupting anything?”

“No, I was actually rather bored” you admitted with a sheepish smile.

You heard the distinct buzz of a text message but chose to ignore it. You were slowly getting better at the game. 

“That’s terrific because I thought we could have a coffee in the canteen and chat” Ives’ thick cockney accent was somewhat adorable.

And you could definitely do with a distraction.

“I’d love that” you beamed back at him and left the room, locking the door behind you.

As you walked side by side along the corridor, you struggled to say something.

“How did you know I’m here?” finally you settled for a rather easy question.

“I’ve seen you at the shooting range in the morning” he watched you closely for a short moment “You’re fucking amazing, did you know that?”

“Oh no, I’m really not” you felt your face heat up.

“Yeah you are” he playfully nudged you in the side “You could probably teach me a thing or two”.

You glared at him and then quickly considered your options.

“Only if you taught me how not to be knocked out within the first two minutes of the hand in hand combat” you knew you could use help in that department.

“Deal?” Ives stopped and turned to you with an outstretched hand.

“Deal” you shook it with a grin.

Once you made it to the mess hall, you noticed with relief that it was rather quiet. You both made coffee and sat down at the table in the corner. After a few moments of comfortable silence when you sipped your drinks, Ives spoke up:

“What have you been up to?” he was eyeing you curiously.

Even though you barely knew him, you felt at ease. There was no enigma of TP to him or Neil’s intensity. Instead, he was just a friendly bloke with sharp wits.

“Oh you know, shit mission in New York and now even shittier one in Paris” you frowned at the fresh memories “Though I suppose the recent one at least ended with success” you mused.

It was true not all of your missions have ended with a huge fuck up. And that was somewhat encouraging.

“With Jasper?”

“Yeah” your frown deepened, and Ives grinned.

“My condolences. He’s a right pain in the ass”

“Well said” you laughed, finally feeling some of the tension of the last few days dissolve.

But it was not meant to be for long. Before either of you spoke again, you heard your phone buzz. You took it out of the pocket and glanced at the received text. It was him, of course. You grimaced and placed the phone screen down on the table as if to avoid the temptation. All the while you felt Ives’s attentive gaze. He has not missed a thing.

“Neil?” he asked, watching you closely with a neutral face.

“Yeah…” you shrugged, avoiding his stare “I’ll probably sound pathetic… but do you know where he is?”

Once the question was out of your mouth, you felt your cheeks heat up. It was one thing to worry about him daily. Another to actually voice the worries. But Ives did not seem to mind. He quickly considered something before leaning over the table.

“He’s in India, dealing with some sudden disruption. I was there with him in the beginning” at your unspoken question, he added “He’s fine, often said that’s partially thanks to you” he eyed you carefully, and you looked down at the table, flustered.

“It’s more that if I wasn’t there, he wouldn’t even need help in the first place” you mumbled, feeling the guilt gnaw at your heart.

Still, sometimes you kept wondering why on earth had he decided to shield you back in the bar. But any possible answer to the question meant having to assume something about Neil’s intentions. And that was dangerous territory.

“Should I ask?” Ives’ question brought you back to the present moment.

“Better not” you smiled wryly, and he just nodded.

“He wouldn’t shut up about you sometimes, you know” he spoke up again after a short silence, making you look up.

You were not sure you liked the cheeky smirk that appeared on Ives’ face. You were not going to give in.

“He’ll get over it in no time, I’m sure” you feigned nonchalance as you finished your coffee and met his gaze.

“Are you two good?”

You just shrugged. To be frank, you had no clue how to answer that. Was there even such an entity as ‘you two’ when it came to you and Neil?

“Well, whatever is going on, know that I’m ready to slap some sense into him if needed” Ives grinned at you, and you beamed back.

“Appreciated”

The next few minutes passed in companionable silence. That is until your brain rudely decided to suggest another pressing question.

“Is he there… alone?” you cringed as soon as you said it aloud.

No point in trying to sound disinterested…

“Nah, Wheeler stayed with a couple of others” his stare was way too knowing.

You felt a sharp stab of pain in your heart. What even… There was no reason to be jealous. Right? As you were internally debating what the new feelings were supposed to mean, you failed to notice Ives’ grinning at your distress.

“Don’t tell me you’re jealous” he was enjoying it way too much.

“What? No, I’m not” you tried to scoff at this insinuation but failed miserably.

“Yeah, you are” that’s how you learnt that Ives had his own version of a shit-eating grin.

Was that a part of the Tenet work application?

“Mate, Neil and Wheeler wouldn’t fuck each other even if I paid them. But I’ve seen the way he looks at you” Ives wiggled his eyebrows suggestively, and you groaned.

You glared at him, unable to come up with any good response.

“What? I may have only seen you two together once, but it was clear to me that dear Neil is interested. Very much so” he smirked at your wide-eyed stare “But I don’t think that’s in any way news for you” he squinted his eyes as though trying to see right through your soul.

“Please, let’s leave psychoanalysis for another date” you grabbed the phone from the table and looked at him pleadingly.

“Of course” he grinned “When shall we have our first sparring lesson?”

“Tomorrow morning. Be there at 9” you got up “Thanks for the chat”

“Anytime, love” he waved as you left the canteen.

*** Combat lessons with Ives have proven to be a gift from the gods in the days that followed. He would accompany you to the shooting range afterward as well under the pretence of wanting to learn from you. Even though you were sure it was utter bullshit as he could hit the marks as well as you, if not better, you appreciated the sentiment. To say that his help in the sparring sessions meant you have greatly improved would be an overstatement, but certainly, additional tips slowly started to make a difference. All that distraction meant you also spent much less time wondering about Neil’s whereabouts and asking yourself existential questions about your own feelings. That was probably the best outcome of the situation.

Another morning of the sparring session began with you and Ives meeting in the gym as usual. 

“Did you sleep well?” he asked as you entered the gym.

“More or less” you grinned, stifling a yawn.

Last night you spent way too much time overthinking the text exchange with Neil. All it took was for him to mention ‘the fun you had in New York’ and then compare it to the recent night undercover. To you, it meant that Jasper was right, and you were just another ‘flirting companion’. And that shit hurt.

“That will have to do then” he tossed a water bottle in your direction, and you caught it easily.

You set it down on the side and the mat and stood facing Ives. After a short warm-up, he began showing you the way of blocking punches aimed at your upper body. While the demonstration always looked easy, once you went onto the practice, you have begun to struggle. After getting a third light punch to the shoulder, you huffed:

“Maybe I should just give up and become a sniper” you rubbed the aching spot.

“That could work” he grinned “Though I’m not sure how Neil would feel about that career change”

“Fuck Neil” you made sure to put up your guard, expecting another punch.

“I see how it is” Ives smirked before he threw a hit towards your other shoulder.

This one you blocked. And the one afterward as well. Slowly, with only a few mistakes, you got the hang of the game. That is until you were interrupted by someone clearing their throat by the door. You both turned to see Anna standing there.

“Y/N, can I speak to you for a moment?” she sent you a fake smile.

Christ…

“Of course”

You looked at Ives with panic in your eyes before you followed her into the corridor. Anna was clearly uncomfortable with having to talk to you, and that did not ease the tension.

“What’s the matter?” you spoke up first, hating the awkwardness of the moment.

“Neil called me yesterday” she paused, and you frowned.

“Yeah?” if she wanted to torture you, she has succeeded.

“He wanted me to let you know that they got Steiner in New York” despite Anna’s best attempts at keeping her face neutral, you knew she was enjoying this.

“Okay, thanks” you smiled weakly, trying to ignore the jealousy building up in your chest.

“Oh, and he says he should be back next week” now she was smiling dazzlingly.

“Great” you mumbled and showed her your brightest grin “Thank you”

With that, you chose to end the tortures for you both and went back into the gym. At Ives’ questioning stare, you just glared. He understood instantly.

“Fuck Neil?” he offered you a sip from the water bottle, which you gladly accepted.

“Mhmm”

There was so much to unpack from what Anna told you. Partially, you knew your ghosting was to be blamed for the situation but still, it hurt. Especially the unspoken fact that Neil has called her. You knew you were being ridiculous but could not ignore the feelings that were attacking every fibre of your being.

“Ready for another round?” Ives looked at you worriedly.

“Absolutely”

*** A few days later, as you left a meeting covering suspicious activity around London, your head was most certainly elsewhere. Ever since the awkward situation with Anna, you were not sure what to do with yourself. Only carefree moments were those you spent in the shooting range or learning hand to hand combat with Ives, who was surprisingly great at distracting you.

Walking along the corridor, you were too busy worrying about all those texts you have ignored to see where you were going. With eyes trained on the floor, you barely registered the surroundings. And that is why you were incredibly surprised when you unexpectedly collided with something solid standing on your path.

“Fuck” you muttered before slowly realising that you have, in fact, walked into a person.

You felt someone’s hands reach out to steady you by wrapping around your waist. The next thing you registered was the smell. A very familiar one that you have tried to repress from memory for the past few weeks. You felt panic surge through your whole body before you let out a long exhale and lifted your head.

“Didn’t expect our reunion to be that dramatic, but I’m not complaining” Neil grinned at you with that smug look on his face you have grown to hate.

“Sorry, I didn’t see you” you choose to stare at his tie.

A nice burgundy one which he has worn in New York, during the mission. At the memory, your cheeks grew somehow warmer, and you squeezed your eyes shut, hoping to be swallowed by the earth. But to no avail.

“Are you alright?” his voice broke through the increasing paralysis.

“Yeah” you forced yourself to look up at him again.

The concern in his eyes only made your desire to run stronger. But his grip on your waist was unyielding. You were acutely aware of standing in the middle of the corridor. Anyone could pass by and see you like that. But it looked like Neil did not care.

“I tried calling you last night” his voice was tense.

Shit.

“Sorry I was busy” you were a terrible liar.

And, of course, he saw right through you. You noticed how the look in his eyes went from concern to serious worry, and you desperately wanted to flee the scene. He was studying your face, and you tried to look anywhere but at him. After a beat, he must have found some answers in your conflicted expression because he relaxed the grip on your waist, giving you a way out.

“If I said anything wrong…” you were thrown off by the slightly wounded look in his eyes.

Now that you actually could run away, you did not want to. Not without making sure he understood.

“You haven’t” you took a deep breath, trying to calm the racing heart “It’s… just things that Jasper said and stuff… it made me think” you mentally groaned, annoyed at how you could not form a coherent sentence.

But Neil understood as he nodded and reached for your hand. You let him lead you to a quieter spot in the adjacent corridor. You were still paralyzed with conflicting feelings, but now also curious. The voice in the back of your head kept on reminding you how much you have missed him. You had your back pressed against the wall and stared as he slowly stepped closer, making your personal space non-existent. It was suddenly hard to think about the reasons why you should not let him be this close. The look in his eyes was unreadable to you.

“I don’t know what that idiot told you or what’s going on in your head, but it’s all wrong” you felt his free hand slide up your arm to rest on your neck and gently caress the skin there.

It was embarrassing how you responded to his touch with your body tensing and goosebumps appearing where his fingers made contact with your skin. It was hard to lie, even to yourself.

“Why should I believe you?” your voice sounded breathless already.

You knew you should have never let him get this close before you talked. But still, the way he looked at you was surprising. Any train of thought was interrupted when he brushed the pad of his thumb over your lower lip. His eyes were darker than usual, and the intensity of his gaze alone made the flutters in your stomach appear.

“I’ve got a few reasons”

Gently he tilted your chin and covered your lips with his. You gasped at the contact and felt him smile against your mouth. Then, as though a switch was flipped, Neil started kissing you hungrily, and you responded in kind, letting your teeth graze his lower lip. When his hand wrapped around your neck, you felt lightheaded and breathless. But still, you deepened the kiss, making all the feelings you have tried to stifle lead the moment. It was scaringly easy to do. Only once you felt like you had no breath left, you broke the kiss and stared back at Neil with a dazed expression. That was not what you expected from your reunion.

“Hope that beat whatever Jasper had to offer you” he grinned, and you enjoyed the sight of his subtly swollen lips.

“Please don’t remind me” surprisingly, you could still form a sentence.

But that ability was soon to be gone as you watched mischievous sparks shine in his eyes. His lips curled into a smirk, and you knew you were fucked. In every meaning of the word. Before you could react, he leaned in closer again, kissed the corner of your mouth before leaving a trail of kisses down to your jawline, and then crook of the neck.

“Neil…” you breathed out, trying to somehow stop the situation from getting out of your hands.

“Yes?” he interlocked his fingers with yours, pinning your joined hands to the wall.

Perfect leverage. Thinking was getting increasingly difficult.

“I… I’ve missed you” that was not exactly what you wanted to say.

You heard him chuckle with his lips brushing the skin on your neck.

“Quite right” he kissed the spot beneath your ear “Too”.

You sighed at the sensation, tightening the grip on his hand and letting your other palm splay on his chest. Through the fabric of his shirt, you could feel the fast heartbeat. It was somewhat encouraging to know that it was not just your heart that was beating wildly. He was kissing your neck with something akin to reverence, which made you feel faint. The traces of reason left in your brain started screaming for attention.

“Neil” you huffed, annoyed at how you were unable to voice the mess of thoughts.

Slowly he lifted his head and looked back at you.

“I really like how you say my name” the roguish grin that began it all was back to haunt you “So breathless” his voice was huskier than usual.

He wanted to kill you, evidently.

You met his gaze helplessly, feeling vulnerable with how he could see right through you. He looked almost fascinated by your stunned expression. Then his eyes softened.

“I missed you too” you felt his hand travel down your body to settle on the hip “So much”.

That admission was all it took for you to lose it. Again. You leaned in and initiated another kiss, unable to deny the need you felt. Neil was ready as he easily matched the tempo you have set. This time neither of you wanted to rush it. Instead, you kissed slowly and delicately, enjoying the careless moment. You tangled your hand in his blonde strands, tugging lightly to bring him even closer. He groaned at the sensation, making you feel a new kind of tension. You wanted him to make that sound again. But before you could find ways of achieving that, on the periphery of your attention, you heard the distinctive sound of footsteps approaching fast. Then they stopped abruptly and were replaced with a shocked gasp.

You opened your eyes and found yourself staring straight at Anna. Fuck. She was frozen in the spot three meters away and had a bewildered expression on her face. You knew there was no way in hell she has not realised what was going on. You could only watch as her face scrunched up in a scowl before she turned on her heels and almost ran back down the corridor. That image was enough to help you wake up from the daze. Gently you disentangled from Neil, who looked confused. Despite the reality of the situation downing on you, you grinned seeing his ruffled hair and disoriented gaze.

“Well done, now Anna hates me” you warily eyed the corridor before settling your eyes on him again.

You watched as he slowly absorbed the information, frowned, and then brightened up again when he met your gaze.

“Pretty sure she did already” he eyed you carefully as though assessing the state he brought you to.

Conscious of how you looked, you smoothed your hair and patted your blazed cheeks. There was no pretending that nothing happened, even if you wanted to.

“Why?” you arched your eyebrow at the implication.

“You know why” he just smiled as though it explained everything.

You didn’t know why. At all. You watched as he ruffled his hair even further by combing a hand through it, and your eyes settled on the exposed forearm and rolled up sleeves. For some reason seeing him like that was very thought-provoking. You knew he caught your stare when you heard him chuckle.

“Like what you see?” it was that smug smirk again.

You could not help but roll your eyes at him. This time the voice of reason was not so easily ignored.

“We really should talk before…” you did not even want to finish the sentence.

“Before?” Neil took a step closer again.

“Before we do something much more reckless than… this” you gestured vaguely and took a step back.

“Would that really be so bad?” he bit his lip and eyed you curiously again.

You have had enough. Placing a hand on his chest, you pushed him back. That clearly surprised him.

“Let’s just talk. Please” you put on your best puppy eyes just for him.

That did the job. Thankfully.

“Couldn’t say no to that” he grinned and took your hand in his “C’mon”

Now you just had to figure out what to tell him. The only issue was that you had no idea about how you felt… Fun.

[the-bjd-community-confess]

More Divaz confos

Mod: Round two of these, previously: link. There’s some interesting customer reviews in this batch (5 and 8) which may be useful to readers.

1.Vic3mage "the secret bjdivaz vip group is just pictures of boxes coming in and going out". Yeah, between the bitching about d0llshe, asking people to post on doa for them, dunking on ex-customers, posting pics of random doll parts that they can't identify which doll they're supposed to go with, whining about how little money they make, whining when ppl e-mail them, whining. Yeah, other than that it's just boxes, and alpacas u can buy off amazon anyway lol.

~Anonymous

2.The butthurt users crying and guilttripping under every Divaz confession who have never been seen before elsewhere on this blog are extremely unsuspicious and unproblematic and definitely unconnected to Divaz and unbiased in every possible way

/s

~Anonymous

3.idk shit abt bjd1vas but v1cemage i can absolutely tell you the shit about ch0o is 100% accurate, fucker's got a long, long history of being an awful little man that stretches well beyond his involvement in the doll community. between the two i'd still trust bjd1vas over ch00 ch00 the fool any day!

~Anonymous

4.The Z3st and Div4s thing is really silly and both entities were being shady but did they really have to take the DZ waiting room down with them? :( He had even made a separate thread about it......

~Anonymous 

5. RE: BJD Divaz

I’ve been a customer of BJD Divaz since they first started, when it was only run by Chart3rline. I even contacted other BJD companies trying to persuade them to work with Divaz as their US representative. Most declined because they didnt like D's commission fee, but I was able to persuade a few of them.

I asked them to purchase a doll off DOA because I couldnt afford the asking price, and while they did, I found out later that instead of agreeing to purchase the seller's price, they negotiated the price to be lower. This significantly cheaper price was not passed down to me. I paid the full price +the commission fee based on that full price. I am disappointed I was not told this. This is when I stopped viewing them as a "friend" and instead, as a business. I dont hold this against them, it’s context to what Im going to say later.

I’ve stopped purchasing from D after my recent order from them. This company usually takes 3 or less months to make a doll. I’ve ordered the doll from D and it took 11 months. They let me know it arrived to them in March and that it will be shipped soon, except it only shipped on July, and only after I sent them several "reminder" emails. Before people in the comments try to put the blame on me for not sending a reminder soon, please keep in mind that I acknowledged the email in March and confirmed everything and they keep stressing to not send them emails because they are busy, I’ve emailed once every month since. I’ve since switched to ACBJD and Ive been happy with communication and the dolls ordered. I imagine ACBJD gets the same amount of emails, but they dont berate their customers if they email more than once.

I regret when people wanted a D0llshe, but not deal with him, I always recommended D. I would warn people of ordering directly and instead go through D. They assured buyers they would be handling communication and all the efforts so they wouldnt worry, except they didn’t. A person that I’ve recommended D to, who surpassed 2 years, keeps messaging me for help because D wouldnt reply to their emails. She is respectful, sweet and a timid person, not a Karen. This person, emailed D without a reply so would email a week later, only to be told that their email would be pushed down to the bottom if emailed again. No response, so she goes to FB and IG, who both tell her to email because they arent the person running orders. Finally got a response that they would get their refund, after D0llshe sends D's payment, but minus the PP fees. 3 months later and theres no refund, only a promise of them getting it later. Why is the customer missing out on fees when they have no doll? Customer emails d0llshe and he says he cant offer refund, because they didn’t order through them, which is understandable, but when all options are out for a customer, do you blame them for chargebacks?

If anyone files a chargeback, D will be blacklisting them from every company they rep, as in blacklisting you from buying direct from those companies. I urge everyone who has negative experiences with D to email the companies they rep instead of venting on confession blogs, and writing your experiences on social media. Make it count and send letters to the companies they represent, and please provide proof because they will try to make you out to be a liar.

Speaking of, they made vague posts on cl0ver singing for charging paypal fees, and that they offer guarantees as an official dealer, except when offering refunds, to non delivered products I might add, they are keeping the fees, and offered no help with d0llshe, even before they ended their dealership with them. Someone on DOA was told to not email them unless the wait time surpassed 1.5 years. They are even so petty that they post screenshots with the full name and address (dox) of the customer on purpose and then delete it out a day later as if they just realized their "mistake".

Before you try to make excuses for them about the fires, keep in mind, I am dealing with a business. The lower price negotiation with the DOA sale, I am in no way obligated to give them a pass or treat them as a friend when they made it clear that our relationship is strictly business. Their issues, are not my issues. D0lk got dragged for not shipping in time, others, including artisans, got dragged for being so late with communication and sending back refunds for cancelled orders. Why does D get to be exempt?

The supporters are the worst part of this, because of instead of being honest so D can improve, they support them for being "real". For example, look how micemage words it, to make it seem like this criticism is from one person, when there are people on addicts who didn’t have good experience. Check the bjd dealers tag here, you will see the supporters in the comments going off on any and all criticism of D. Some have sane comments, but the majority are cult like and try to identify the person venting as if it’s one person. Addicts deletes threads with criticism asking people to instead direct it to their feedback group; which lets be honest, no one is going to do because its "not that bad", and most dont want to join a new group, which is mostly dead.

This is my first and last confession on D, I’ve emailed each company they rep and told them my experience as well as contacting the 3 month wait company, with screenshots of my order, how they handled it, and the excuse they used to put blame on the company for being so late (package arrived march to D, 4 months to be shipped is on D, not the company). I’m not using company or order details because I know they are petty enough to try to identify me and publicly shame me like they have to others. This and the threat of suing is why not many people like to go public with their experience. They just keep feedback neutral, move on and never deal with again.

~Anonymous

6. Listen, I can't take you seriously in regards to BJD!vas because you're posting on a confession blog. If you were serious, you would have posted in buyer beware groups, DoA reviews or the board to get things resolved, or you would have made a complaint to the BBB. And your language makes you come off more as someone with an agenda rather than someone who is trying to warn people. If shipping is the issue, stop buying with standard shipping and pay the extra price for express shipping. I saw one of you complain that it sat with them for 20 days; that's probably because you're not the only one and they more than likely have a queue to check and then ship out. Do mistakes happen? Yes, because we're human. I've been in this hobby for a few years now and it seems like most people know you're going to have to wait, sometimes even outside the expected wait time. And shipping something as big as a doll is a timely endeavor. I shouldn't have to say that.

My point is simply to stop complaining on an confession board and either take it to the places previously mentioned. Posting here behind the anonymous mask makes you sound like a petulant child who didn't get their way right away.

~Anonymous

7.My only issue with BJD Divaz is how I never get any updates. Every email, they tell me to join their facebook page for status updates. I dont have a FB and I dont want to create one. I bought my doll through their website, updates should be posted on their website, or they could send me an email. That isnt asking much.

~Anonymous

8. Since there seems to be a lot of either "completely negative everything sucks" or "everything was sunshine and rainbows" confessions about bjd!vaz I thought I'd chime in with a neutral review.

PROS

-They were always polite and professional in their emails, and gave me very detailed answers to my questions.

-I got exactly what I ordered, so no mix ups or missing parts or anything like that.

-I think them being forthcoming about personal issues (only one person on staff, illness, the flooding isue etc.) on social media is good, since it keeps customers updated as to why there might be delays.

-If you live in the US their shipping is very reasonable.

CONS

-Reply times were varied. Sometimes it could take over a week, sometimes a couple hours.

-My order took about 10mo which, when comparing to other people who ordered through the same company around the same time, was about 3x as long as if I bought it direct and 2x as long if I had gone through a different dealer. I get some of the waiting time is out of their control, but it was kind of ridiculous.

-They dont necessarily ship the same day they send you a tracking number. I wish they said something like, "Here's your tracking number, our pickup is Xday so it should start moving after that" just so I could be aware.

All in all no major complaints. I got my doll and all that. Their lone employee is clearly overwhelmed. I hope they hire another person, if only to give the one a break.

Truthfully, I most likely won't buy through them again. I'd rather pay the international shipping and go direct, than deal with the extensive wait time. I'd still recommend them to someone looking for a very long layaway, though. I paid in full, but if I had a 12mo layaway I would've never known they weren't ready to ship my doll until month 10.

~Anonymous

[davidmann95]

Your power is mine: thoughts on Kingdom Hearts’ newest, oddest character

Finished Final Fantasy XV over the weekend. Mixed feelings to say the least, but it does give me an excuse to talk about Kingdom Hearts again, specifically this weirdo:

And how it feels like most of the people discussing Yozora and trying to figure out what his deal is are missing half the point. Yes, there’s the apparent connections to Sora and Riku, and there’s his meta association with Noctis and the entire real-life corporate backstory there intertwining with the in-game narrative to an unknown extent. But when he’s discussed as some kind of fusion of Sora and Riku, or a literal reincarnation of Noctis, or that Verum Rex might end up a real game, or something similarly straightforward in terms of “he’s going to be a very important central character going forward”, the ideas or at least the tone of how they’re presented seem to miss an absolutely critical component of how he was introduced to us, in a way that shapes not only him but by extension the entire future of the franchise and its thematic concerns:

We aren’t just supposed to be surprised he’s important because he’s real where we thought he wasn’t. We’re supposed to be surprised because he’s introduced to us as a self-evident gag character.

Not that we’re not supposed to take him seriously where it counts: it’s clear he has an important role going forward and is a force to be reckoned with. But no matter what deep, foreboding connections to the Keyblade and Master of Masters may lie within his backstory that may determine the fate of more universes than one, he will never not have had the hilariously inauspicious beginning of being a toy played by Rex the Dinosaur. He doesn’t even have the dignity of being introduced as a game on one of the plot-heavy original worlds! He’s a throwaway gimmick to spice up one of the filler Disney segments, literally a child’s plaything.

Even before we learn the context he’s being presented in...well, look at him. He’s like Riku, who’s cooler than Sora, and Noctis, a Final Fantasy character and therefore cooler than all this Disney stuff, but also he has a LASER SWORD and a CROSSBOW - that are clearly functioning as cool future tech instead of dopey magical powers - and his eyes are MYSTERIOUS MISMATCHING UNNATURAL COLORS and he fights GIANT ROBOTS with a dude in a fedora in a city straight out of the REAL WORLD to save a helpless lady/prize: truly, let no mistake be made, he is VERY, VERY SERIOUS INDEED, AND ALSO, RAD. TO THE MAX. He’s every attempt at reframing contemporary Final Fantasy as slick and modern and cool dialed up and up and up until the tone breaks, without the barest hint of self-awareness even as it advertises its action figure tie-ins. I don’t think that his little Keyblade pattern on his jacket being near-impossible to spot unless you’re looking for it is just to preserve the surprise, but also because the sight of the big keys with the Mickey Mouse logo on them would be anathema to his entire vibe, so important as it may be it must be squirreled away where it can’t make him look dumb. Heck, when Dylan Spouse announced on Twitter he was playing this major character in a childhood favorite franchise of his, surely knowing more than we do about Yozora, his description of the part was “I have lived out my edgy JRPG character fantasies...I even got to say ‘Sorry, but I don’t lose.’” We’re supposed to receive him off the bat as Square Enix, and more specifically Tetsuya Nomura, poking fun at themselves, going ‘yes, we suppose this is all getting to be a bit much, isn’t it?’

And then he enters the story for real.

Obviously he’s much more than a joke now, but the idea of him as something off, something that doesn’t fit in these games, endures. His episode isn’t just in a modern cityscape but skinned in the graphics of the grittier, more detailed style of the Pirates of the Caribbean world meant to evoke photorealism rather than the look of the rest of the game. He interferes with the gameplay in ways no other enemy does, stealing your items and weapons (we’ll get back to that). When he casts you into a void to be attacked by the mechs, it’s not a pure empty white but a mass of abstract polygonal space, evocative of the visuals of early game development. What details we do get of his backstory frame him as a counterpart to Sora on a parallel journey all his own, but the associations with his other source material in Noctis are considerably more...cutting. Credit to @kitsoa, whose own extensive musings on Kingdom Hearts’ increasingly overt metafictional concerns brought to my attention the obvious parallel: that Yozora being changed ‘beyond recognition’ with his heart replaced by another’s is a reasonable, albeit scathing description of Noctis’s revised character in the shift from the Nomura-helmed Final Fantasy Versus XIII to the largely overhauled Final Fantasy XV (and by the same token, the Nameless Star’s identity being stolen comes across as a shot at Versus XIII’s Stella Nox Fleuret being entirely replaced by Lady Lunafreya. Who, by sheer coincidence, would have been corrupted in planned but cancelled DLC into a monster of darkness).

While the comparisons to his source material are not only intentional but textually overt - his introduction as a real boy is literally scored to the FFXV theme music - so is the distancing from that material, given that if Nomura simply wanted to use Noctis the very premise of Kingdom Hearts as a series could have allowed him to use Noctis, and even change him to fit his original vision however he wished given the design and backstory changes to the other Final Fantasy characters involved. Yozora has a distinct role in which he’s still meant to represent that tone and aesthetic, and all signs point to that being because as that representation, he hardly seems an endorsement. He’s a parody, offered up in a demeaning context and tangled up narratively in real-life creative bitterness before being placed as an antagonist, however well-meaning (though keep in mind every secret boss of his kind before - other than Julius, I suppose - went on to become an endgame boss later on), in the player’s path. He may not be a villain, but all signs seem to indicate he’s a figure to be regarded as a contrast to the heroes.

And it’s in that role as a contrast that I have my own theories about what his deal ultimately is, thematically if not plotwise.

For those who saw this in the Kingdom Hearts tag and aren’t superhero fans, that’s Superdoomsday, introduced in Grant Morrison’s run on Action Comics about 8 years ago. One among many takes on an ‘evil Superman’ from a parallel universe, the twist with his world is that rather than a survivor of Krypton, he is literally the materialized concept of Superman - imagined by his reality’s Clark Kent, Lois Lane, and Jimmy Olsen, who created a machine which could bring ideas to life - that when sold to a corporation was reimagined in service of wide public appeal into an all-powerful, uncompromisingly brutal monstrosity clad in armor somewhere between an iPhone, 90s Rob Liefeld battle gear, and Nazi regalia, who ultimately journeyed into the multiverse to stalk and kill other incarnations of Superman, seeing them as competition to his domination of the ‘market’. “The curse...of Superman...” murmurs the dying Kent of that world, “...he becomes anything you want...him...to be...our world...wanted that...”

Yozora is...probably not exactly a 1:1 to that. But as a counterpart to Sora, it absolutely seems as if the main factor by which he contrasts him is that he’s ostensibly the sleeker, edgier model, new-and-improved. He reworks Sora’s story arc and aesthetic into something theoretically cooler and more palatable, steals his power, ‘saves’ him by sealing him away to presumably fight in his stead and thereby take his place as the lead. He is the protagonist so many feel Kingdom Hearts has needed for years, the somber AMV-ready Secret Movie tone and aesthetic stepping into center stage at last rather than maintaining a sunshiney Disney-esque child hero lead to anchor the assorted conspiracies and horrors of much of the rest of the tale. The manner in which he is presented as to make metatextuality an in-universe concern (to call back to Grant Morrison again, his next work after Action Comics was Multiversity, where a major plot point was that the events of parallel universes were unwittingly documented in each others’ pop culture; in that case comic books, in here video games) for Kingdom Hearts to explore in the next main entry is I believe so as to ask what, in fact, Kingdom Hearts as a series should be; is it a Disney series with some incidental Final Fantasy stuff in it? A Final Fantasy spinoff with some Disney elements cluttering it up that should maybe be discarded as it grows up? Something all its own? Is it time for Kingdom Hearts to get Serious? Even if the Kingdom Hearts as imagined by a marketing executive vision of Verum Rex isn’t what’s next, what is, as things get darker and that vision is now part of the narrative whether for good or ill?

So yeah it looks like Kingdom Hearts IV is Kingdom Hearts vs. its own Gritty Realworld! Urban Fantasy AU fanfiction for the soul of the series, and I am extremely here for it.

[mattgambler]

Phoenix Point and why I want it to live

No TLDR this time. I said in the past that I could write pages over pages about this. I guess its time to see how many pages we are actually talking about here. Phoenix Point is currently rather mediocre. From the soundtrack to the many bugs and rather rough implementations, the missing features that were envisioned in the kickstarter campaign, the 5 scheduled DLCS, the epic store exclusivity, the inferior graphical polish in comparison to Firaxis’ XCOM reboot, the inferior complexity in comparison to Longwar, probably even the inferior Idontknow in comparison to the very first XCOM games from way back when, I didnt play those. If you are looking for something to hate in this game, you dont have to look too hard, there is something here for everyone. The reason Ive been a determined defender of Phoenix Point is not simply because I have a different taste in games than the mainstream however, but because I feel there is a way deeper underlying problem at work here. I’ll come back to that later. Btw starting now, when I say XCOM, I mean Firaxis’ XCOM. Personally I want more games like XCOM. More games like Battlebrothers, Mordheim: City of the Damned, Invisible Inc, hell, even Bloodbowl, even though I dont dig the sports angle. Games with permadeath, nameable characters, dynamic overworld systems and missions and situations that are created ideally by circumstance, not by simply playing mission 1, then mission 2, until you reach what the devs decided to be the last one they would make for the game. I thoroughly enjoy that concept of progression and many turnbased strategy titles just dont do it for me because they are too linear, even when they are otherwise nicely crafted experiences. Druidstone: The Secret of the Menhir Forest is a nice example of this, the game looks nice, sounds nice and is very well made, but it lacks the one thing I enjoy most in all the games I mentioned earlier. Along comes Phoenix Point and the moment I look at this game I know that it is all about scratching that specific itch. Not only that, it also brings with it a variety of creative features to even improve the established turnbased squad tactics formula. I didnt lie when I said I think that it is in many ways better than XCOM. Just that... WHAT?!?! ...the overall game doesnt compare well if we look at the sum of their parts at the moment. YOU CANT BE SERIOUS!!!!! About Phoenix Point being better in many ways? Sure, let me make a list. 1) Aiming In XCOM you aim, you have an x% chance to hit, you either hit or you dont. While widely accepted because of the quality of the overall games, its a pretty simple system that becomes especially frustrating when your guns model on screen is touching the enemies forehead and you still manage to miss. Or when a flashbanged and suppressed sectoid crits you in full cover after rolling a natural 20. In Phoenix Point bullets get simulated and trace a path from the barrel of your gun to a target that they then either hit or miss. Smaller enemies in Phoenix Point are hard to hit not because the game designers arbitrarily decided so, but because smaller enemies are simply smaller. In comparison, in XCOM you roll dice. 2) Modular enemies Similar to Battlebrothers, Phoenix Point has you encounter the same brigand thug (crabmen) over and over again. The enemy itself doesnt matter as much, its more about the number of different variations you can encounter. Brigant thugs can come equipped with simple helmets and/or armor as well as different weapons that have different abilities. They also have different faces on top of that. They are by far not the only enemy in the game, but even if they were, by the time you encounter the exact same thug a second time you wont be able to tell anymore because you have seen so many others inbetween. The same goes for most enemies in Battlebrothers (with a few exceptions), it becomes way more about your opponents equipment than about his actual type or class. Phoenix Point goes for the very same approach, but falls short because of  a variety of reasons. To name just one, the first time you encounter New Jericho as a faction, you fight four New Jericho soldiers and all four of them have the same armor, the same weapon and even the same face. To hammer it home the mission also always takes place on a variation of the exact same map. It is an absolute travesty. The ambition is there and in random encounters on the map you can see where it is supposed to go, with every enemy type in the game being designed in a way that allows for as many variations as the devs can think of, from paralysis tentacles and bloodsucking arms to mist generators and everything inbetween. The possibilities are endless and from the standard crab to the giant bosses every enemy is designed with this modularity in mind. In XCOM in comparison, you have a variety of different enemies, but for the entirety of the first month (what is that, 3-7 missions?) you only fight the sectoid. Or maybe the drone too, I havent played vanilla in forever. Longwar tries to spice that up by using preexisting models and assigning new abilities to them, making some models bigger and giving others new abilities, but at the end of the day the sectoid looks the way the sectoid looks. I love what it looks like btw. But modular enemies are decidedly cooler. 3) Scale In XCOM you control 4, later up to 6 soldiers at the same time. In Longwar it goes up to 8, or 12 in that one mission. In Phoenix Point you start out the same way, but to my knowledge you can bring as many soldiers to any mission as you can get there via aircraft. Meaning that as soon as you get a second manticore you can theoretically have up to 12 soldiers in a mission, or 18 with a third. Naturally you would probably want to split your forces instead and be in 3 places at the same time (and you can), but this sort of thing being possible, both the 18 soldiers in one mission as well as the 3 different squads doing missions in 3 different places of the planet, is something XCOM simply does not offer.  4) Other features Be it vehicles, giant enemies, diplomacy or the amount of control you get on the overworld map, Phoenix Point does (or attempts to do) a huge number of things that in XCOM are simply nonexistant. In XCOM you dont get to decide were to fly, missions are simply spawned in popup fashion, the skyranger is on autopilot, “diplomacy” is managed by talking to top secret bald guy representing the council and by sometimes fulfilling a councilrequest. The only opposing faction apart from the aliens is EXALT which can be regarded as more of a separate mission type with human enemies and not really as a faction that contributes in any diplomatic way. Dont get me wrong, I dont think XCOM needs diplomacy in order to be good. XCOM is already good, fantastic in fact. But if we compare based on features alone and not the quality of their implementation, then Phoenix Point is doing A LOT of things that XCOM never even touched. This is in no way me trying to trash XCOM. I love XCOM, especially Longwar. However for the sake of an at least somewhat fair comparison the only games we should compare Phoenix Point to at this Point are XCOM Enemy Unknown and XCOM 2, both at launch. Bringing Longwar into the mix is something I do for the sake of providing a third angle, not because I am blind to the fact of how ludacris it would be to compare a newly launched game with an extensive overhaul mod that was in the making for years after the vanilla game and even its expansion were already released. As I was saying, along comes Phoenix Point doing all those very ambitious things. And it gets DESTROYED. To quote Beaglerush, the probably best known XCOM streamer out there: “But honestly, for anyone with experience in the XCOM genre, anyone who likes XCOM games, and anyone particularly who likes XCOM games at a harder difficulty or likes to obviously, like, play well, I do not think it is possible to enjoy this game unless you are getting a big paycheck and you are a good actor.” To be clear, I didnt watch the entire footage that made him come to that conclusion and I dont want to comment too much on what “playing well” means, but i have played Longwar on the highest difficulty in ironmanmode for 2000 hours (without beating it, but also always with Training Roulette active) and I have beaten XCOM 2 on highest difficulty in ironman mode. I do consider Longwar as one of my favourite games of all time and I do consider myself as someone who has experience with the genre, likes games and likes to play them “well”, or at least on highest difficulty. I dont agree with Beagle (duh), but I can of course see where he might be coming from. In its current state Phoenix Point is not finished. Playable, but even for an early access game its still pretty rough, with many mechanics not or only sometimes working (leanout, aim and aimsnapping, end turn, details, you get the point), features missing, performance issues, lackluster soldier customization, lackluster diplomacy options, a rather simple skilltree, questionable balance, etc. Don’t look at me like that, if I wanted to I could jump that hatetrain any time! But if I was to do that, where would that leave us? The XCOM genre, as Beagle calls it, is a niche genre at the best of times. Not only regarding the playerbase but also regarding game developers willing to invest time and money into creating something new. Xenonauts 2 is a year or more behind its originally panned release date with not much news to speak of, Terra Invicta is a distant memory of a game that will maybe one day still be released and Im still waiting for the XCOM 3 announcement and who knows if it will even come. Especially after we, the players, completely demolish Phoenix Point to the point where I would just cancel the 5 planned DLCS right now if I was in charge of the devteam. The main reason I defended Phoenix Point was not because of what the game currently is but because of what the game could be after 5 more DLCs. Ive played every backerbuild of the game and statements like “the game is still what it was 2 years ago” are simply and factually false. Especially between backerbuild 4 and 5 there was a huge jump in quality and between 5 and the release version that same jump has ocurred again - with an entire game that is now playable and completable. Yes, it could have more voiced lines instead of text, yes, it doesnt have the sexy “alerted sectoid” animation sequence when you run into a new enemy pod (pods dont exist in PP but you get me) and sure, the epic exclusive sucks I guess and I dont care much for the soundtrack. But after Backerbuild 5, who knows where the game will be after the next DLC? And the next? If you compare XCOM Enemy Unknown with XCOM Enemy Within, the difference was breathtaking. And here we have a game that has so much work already done, so many assets created, so much code already in place, and we, the players, punch them in the face and shout “NOT GOOD ENOUGH!”. You wanna go back to the drawing board, have somebody else start fresh on something that could be better in a year or two if we are lucky? Ive been looking for a game like XCOM for literally years. Battle Brothers was the closest I found. Tens, if not hundreds of others inbetween failed hard, from “Warhammer 40k: Mechanicus” to “Legends: Viking” to “Wildermyth” and basically everything inbetween. And here we have a game that seems to have the right idea, the right amount of ambition and a good amount of the work already done and we are bitchslapping them left and right just so we can go back to getting hyped about the next mediocre linear story experience. Sure, them releasing already is a shame. But if I was the one to decide, I would give them the same amount of money again and triple it and tell them to finish the job instead of spitting in their face when they come to us and lowkey tell us that they ran out of money. And I would send them flowers and tell them that Im sorry. Anybody can polish a game with extra cash, but getting the core idea right is something that even Firaxis almost failed to do with XCOM 2, as far as Im concerned. I said earlier, that there was a deeper underlying problem here and that I would come back to it and here it is, ladies and gentlemen. Modernday gamers are an ungrateful, hateful bunch of whiny spoiled brats, who think they are entitled to only the best of the best while in fact they “deserve” nothing. The entire concept of a kickstarter campaign is that you provide funds and trust so a bunch of people can try to realize their vision. If you dont like the outcome, then that doesnt mean they betrayed you, it means you have poor judgement. Notice how I say judgement and not taste. You dont have poor judgement because you dont like the outcome, but because you gave them money in the first place. I should maybe add at this point that my anger is mostly directed towards the public reaction and the phoenix point subreddit and not towards my own viewership. (hello) Phoenix Point is not the first game that has had me feel like the entire gaming landscape is slowly spiraling out of control. 5 years ago I thought quality means sales. At this point Im worried that a high marketing budget means sales. And I dread the possibility that 5 years from now I might be convinced that a high marketing budget means quality. Some of the best games this year were literally destroyed by players. Artifact wasn’t only boykotted, but actively brutalized, with people at some point purposefully streaming porn and torture under the Artifact tag on Twitch. Pathologic 2 had the devteam almost go bankrupt after poor sales and unfavourable reviews by people that barely grasped the basics of the game. All the while people feed money to the ginormous immortal that is Magic The Gathering and praise Hideo Kojima for his “unique vision” for Death Stranding. I didnt play Death Stranding and Magic can be pretty fun, but does nobody see the smothering double standards in play here? Im not saying that Phoenix Point has no problems right now in terms of quality. Some of the issues player encounter are in fact inexcusable, at least longterm. But XCOM 2 also had a bumpy launch with long loading times and tons of bugs and then they were fixed and today there are people that think XCOM 2 is better than Longwar. Incomprehensible to me how anyone could think that, but time and some postlaunch fixes did clearly change peoples minds. I think the main reason Phoenix Point got so much hate on launch in comparison to XCOM 2 (which also released 3 DLCs ,or was it more) is because its drastically different and more ambitious in many ways, not because it is half as bad as people make it out to be. XCOM is just like Phoenix Point, just dumbed down I guess. Kappa. (I hate it when people use the term “dumbed down”. This is a joke. Ffs why do I have to explain this)

[piscesbarnes]

Because of You [5] → Bucky Barnes au

pairing: eventual bucky x reader

warnings: n/a

prompt: training with sam goes well. up until your visit to the lab.

To say the baseball game wasn’t exciting would have been a lie. It was the first human experience you’ve had and it wasn’t as bad as you thought it’d be. Although, when the crowd would stand up and cheer, it scared the life out of you and you soon learned that it wasn’t polite to stand up abruptly with your fists up to your chest, ready to knock someone out. Only about half way through the game did you finally catch on.

“Hey, we’re about to win this game. We should leave before the exits get crowded.” Steve suggested as he leaned forward to your seats. He was the one to help you out of the crowd as Natasha and Sam went for another round of beers. He linked his arm through yours and you tensed up at the contact, giving him a side eye. It didn’t go unnoticed either, Steve was well aware of the look you gave him. “We’re meeting in the parking lot. We gotta regroup since Tony and Natasha drank.”

After about twenty minutes, Sam stumbled to the cars with Natasha, cackling about a memory they had that morning. Bucky followed closely behind; he’d never admit it, but he followed them to make sure they were safe. Clint and Wanda had hotdogs in hand, Clint holding a large Coke in the other.

“I assume Tony’s with Bruce, Parker, and Thor?” Steve questioned. When he got no answer, he nodded. “Bucky, you can drive with Nat, Angel, and Sam. I’ll take these two. Meet at the tower. If anything happens, call me.” Steve instructed as he tossed Bucky the keys Natasha had prior that evening.

You and Bucky glanced at one another with a knowing look. He looked a bit uncomfortable with the sorting and was about to retort, but Steve was already walking away, mumbling about Tony.

You and Bucky helped Sam and Natasha in the back. They giggled a lot, being more ticklish than usual when they were intoxicated.

The car ride was just as awkward, hell it would’ve been even more awkward if Natasha and Sam weren’t talking. They babbled and babbled to each other, making them laugh as you and Bucky stared straight ahead like annoyed babysitters.

“You’re Bucky right?” your voice rang in his ears as he came to a stop at a red light. He raised his eyebrows as he looked over to you in curiosity.

“Yeah, that’s right. Why?” he knew why.

“You seem a little familiar is why. I could be wrong.” you knew you weren’t though. You expected him to chirp up, explaining maybe where you’d seen him.

“Oh.” was all he said.

“Morning Angel,” Sam Wilson groaned, rubbing his hand over his face, trying to wake himself up. You looked at him, wide awake, nodding your head at him.

“Good morning. Are you ready for training?” you voiced at the hung over man. Your hands were already wrapped, you were ready, but apparently Sam was not.

“Are you training me or am I training you?” Sam joked, chuckling to himself. When he saw that your dull expression hadn’t moved, he sighed and patted your shoulder. “Come on, lighten up.” you turned your head slowly to glance at the shoulder he’d touched. “Okay. It’s obvious you’re holding in a lot of anger. Let’s take it out on training, yeah?” you ignored his comment, sitting on the ground as you began to stretch. It was like he was competing with you as well, following your set of stretches and trying to one-up you, at least from your perspective.

You helped Sam wrap his knuckles in hopes of punching him sooner. His mouth seemed to move faster than his hands.

“So, I hear you’re trained in mixed martial arts and more. You and I are gonna work on your combat skills, I’m here to report back to Tony because he’s concerned you’ve lost your way.” Sam introduced. He noticed you didn’t really talk much. You complied to whatever orders without a word. “It’s free reign, all you gotta do is get me to tap out.”

Standing on the mats, Sam held his arms up to block his face. You mirrored him almost, lowering them slightly so you could furthermore observe him.

Sam threw the first punch; you swiftly moved away. Then came a series of hits from his end, you were quick to dodge them, taking note that he always stepped before he punched. You took a jab to the neck, gasping out as you ducked under his arm, your arms extending to strike his torso. You didn’t give him time to recover, swiping your legs under his feet.

You didn’t expect him to tackle your legs. A yelp escaped your lips as you fell backwards. You swiveled your legs around his waist, twisting your bodies so he was under you. You had him pinned and yet he didn’t tap out. He somehow gathered enough strength to get you off him.

Soon, you were back on your feet, watching as Sam scrambled up to his. You were panting, puffing your white locks from your face. Sam went to tackle you, but you caught him in a headlock. He gripped your waist, hands grazing along your back. You tensed up and he noticed it. He made it his goal to for your back, it was your weakness. Your body went into defense mode. Your eyes easily calculated where his hit would go.

You avoided his advances toward you. You were able to curl your hands and slam his arms down, quickly reverting to slapping both of your hands to his chest. Sam flew back, he rolled over off the mat with a grunt. You took a step forward to see if he was okay, he then chuckled.

“You’re a feisty Angel, aren’t you?” Sam commented, getting back up on his feet. “I don’t have bad things to tell Stark, but that doesn’t mean you can’t use some improvement.” you nodded your head. You were more than accepting of feedback. “You let your guard down. I found your weakness almost instantly. If I was your enemy, I would’ve taken you down.” you nodded your head at the feedback.

“Just like how you step before you punch?” you noted. Sam blinked, shocked and confused as to how your observation never really dawned on him. Even when you pointed it out, he had a hard time believing he actually did it.

“Angel, Sam,” a voice echoed from the door of the training room. The two averted their gaze to Bruce Banner, standing at the door with a clipboard in hand. “If I could borrow Angel, that’d be nice.”

“But we still have training until...” Sam looked at the clock, reading 9 in the morning. Had they really be training for two and a half hours already? Sam was still gaping at the clock; he swore it had only been an hour.

“I’ll see you later Sam.” you waved to him, following after the scientist.

“So, Dr. Cho just came back from vacation. We would like to check your vitals once more, we’re going to continue to check your vitals everyday either during or after your training.” Bruce explained, going over some of the details he’d acquired from the previous appointment. You complied and followed after the man.

You were met with a woman in the same lab you’d waken up from. She wore a lab coat, she seemed to distracted by the vials in front of her, but nonetheless she looked up. Dr. Cho was surprised by your appearance; white hair that was usually swept over your forehead, tied back as your grey eyes speared back at her.

“Y/N, pleased to meet you. I’ve heard a lot about you.” Dr. Cho smiled at you.

“It’s Angel,” you said sharply, trying to be polite. “No one really calls me by my name.” she nodded understandingly.

“My apologies. I’m looking at your blood transfusions, or whatever’s left of it and I’ll be needing to take a few more blood samples, is that okay?” she went on about checking your blood pressure first, as well as your heartbeat and all that jazz. To be honest, you didn’t pay much attention. You were there to just sit there and go.

“What did you mean by ‘whatever is left of my blood’?” you suddenly brought up.

“Ah,” Dr. Cho nodded her head, rolling away in her rolling chair as she finished up hooking you up to an IV. She had a feeling you’d catch on to the phrase. “The blood Bruce extracted from you days ago has interesting qualities. He tried running as many tests as he could before he used it all.”

“Used it all on what?” you questioned.

Dr. Cho didn’t say a word, moving a pot of dead flowers to you. After sucking some of your blood into a dropper, she dribbled a couple drops of your blood onto the soil the dead flowers had been bedded in. You watched in confusion, your eyes flickering back to her; her eyes had been set on the flowers. It wasn’t until life began flooding back into the rose petals, a vibrant red spreading upon its features. The plant grew to life before her, it was clear why Dr. Cho hadn’t a word to say.

You had given life to something that was once dead.

“That’s not all.” Bruce pulled up an article on the lab’s iPad. He showed you the bright screen. It was for a missing persons. It was you. With a natural colored-hair and dark eyes. “This is from five years ago.”

BECAUSE OF YOU TAGS @mannls @animegirlgeeky @averagenightterrors

[pokemonruby]

rank the regions from favorite to least favorite, and tell us a little abt why if u want!! :D also the name+theme of the region u made!!! (i mightve missed it earlier hehe)

CRACKS KNUCKLES

hoenn, of course! it’s the generation that truly got me involved with pokemon as a whole - the games, at least. honestly i could write a full-length essay on why hoenn is my favorite region and how precious it is to me but i don’t want to put anyone through that kind of torture so. long story short? motherfucking Trumpets  (also i already elaborated on why hoenn is my favorite region in the past and it was INCREDIBLY lengthy) 

unova! not only is it home to my favorite games in the series, but the region itself is just... incredibly well-made? i honestly believe they put more effort into making every location memorable into this region more than any other in the series. i think unova embodies the truest sense of “adventure” featured so far - which is saying something since pokemon itself is based around the concept of, well, going on your own adventure! not to mention it has the best variety of pokemon to select from in my personal opinion, especially the bug-types. i was discussing this with my boyfriend last night but unova made me, someone who normally detests bug-types, absolutely love each and every one it had to offer. leavanny is my fucking BABY. also the vanillite and trubbish lines are valid anyone who thinks otherwise is probably a genwunner. 

sinnoh! definitely one of the fan-favorites from what i’ve noticed.... like... y’all really want those remakes, don’t you. then again i was in the same position prior to oras was announced so, yeah, i totally get it. but sinnoh itself is an incredible region jam-packed with fascinating lore and i just love how... mellow it is? the snowy aesthetic is definitely one i can get behind and i am literally on my KNEES begging we’ll see another cold region here soon, because i am downright tried of tropical locations. honestly platinum is the game i pick up whenever i want to feel relaxed since... that’s the whole vibe sinnoh just gives off, i suppose? aside from its outrageous difficulty like what the fuck is that pokemon league 

now here’s an unpopular one: kalos! i love the overall aesthetic of the kalos region and while x/y definitely suffered in many departments, i think it made up for them with its amazing landscape and the wide selection of pokemon you’re able to obtain. not to mention it introduced fairy-type pokemon which i absolutely adore so, i think all this kalos hate should stop to be honest. yes it lacked in some areas but the games were overall good in my opinion. but that’s an entirely different topic i can tackle on a later date fkgflgskdfj

johto! though it’s tied with kalos if i’m being honest, i love the johto reigon! it’s simplistic but not to the extent it’s unbearably boring like kanto is - really, it’s just an improved version of it. also i have more nostalgia for johto than i do its predecessor so most of my adoration for the region stems from that fact. i don’t have much else to say other than the fact i love hgss but why is red’s team in the 80s when you’re barely level 50 after defeating every single gym in the game. Why. 

with alola, i do think it’s a feel-good region in general but i don’t possess the same fondness for it as i do the others i’ve mentioned so far. it’s not necessarily forgettable but sumo just aren’t games that i replay often so... i don’t think much about alola, i guess? but i do like the positive vibe it gives off as a whole! also why did only gen 1 pokemon get alola forms - oh wait, because nintendo is constantly baiting people’s nostalgia :/ 

and lastly, kanto... i don’t think i need to go into too much detail on why i personally dislike this region but, to put it simply: it’s boring. like, unbearably boring to the point i can’t bring myself to touch any of the kanto games because it fails to keep my attention. understandably they’re the first games in the franchise but nintendo has failed to make improvements with the remakes - though lgpe is more blameworthy of this than frlg, which i actually don’t mind that much. still, it’s this excessive kanto pandering that’s driven me further and further away from the region as a whole... like, yes... there’s definitely nostalgia but it isn’t enough to cure this region of how utterly monotone it is. at least the pokemon are good, with raichu being my favorite of all-time and pikachu a close, CLOSE second, but i don’t really count the pokemon because they’re a different circumstance altogether. 

WEW! that got lengthy, i apologize. in regards to my fan-made region, it’s called “fairel” and it’s primarly based off fairytales/myths instead of a real-life country like the usual trope is. though i have taken slight inspiration from greece because it’s pretty much the paragon of mythologies and all. the best way i’d describe this region is like studio ghibli aesthetic - a sense of endless adventure and mystery waiting to be unraveled. there’s a reason the champion is an archaeologist, after all! 

.... that being my sweet little angel, victor. he’s my main pokemon oc and i would die a thousand deaths for him. also, with my story taking place several years into the future - his boyfriend is the son of lance. who’s also a dragon master but unlike his father his team has actual variety & doesn’t own three illegal dragonites. 

the main plot summed up is that the multiverse is real and you should trust no one, not even your true self. 

[mangled-dreams]

Sins of the Mother: 5

Chapter 5: Accidents

Previous chapters:

Collection  Agreement  Terms  Truth

Pacing back and forth in the living room Ollie remarks you’ll wear a trace track into the flooring. You apologize and tell him to go clean his teeth before heading to bed pausing just long enough for Ollie to disappear from your sight before pacing again. Trinity hasn’t called or checked-in with you since she left in the morning around six AM.

It’s unlike Trinity to not even shoot you a text or emoji letting you know she’s okay. You’ve tried calling her a few times through out the day and sent her a few messages that she hadn’t returned or answered. It worries you, scares you really!

This isn’t normal behavior and you fear that something bad happened or he had a reaction to her medication. Looking at your phone you groan a little and try calling her again. It rings a few times before going to voicemail.

“Hey, Trin, it’s your favorite hovering sister. I haven’t heard from you at all today and I’ve left you a few messages now, please call me back. Let me know you’re still with me, okay?” You say trying to walk the fine line of casual and overbearing. Hanging up you sighs, pocket your phone, and look at the front door.

Thankfully you haven’t seen Dark since the uncomfortable discussion nearly two months ago, but that doesn’t stop you from worrying about your future. Even as you haven't seen Dark he has left--what your sister calls love notes and gifts. You pretty much disregard them until you're alone.  

You’d talked with Trinity as you’d promised, but left out the more… horrifying details of your reality. She’d been distraught as you’d expected, but after reassuring her—and yourself, she calmed down and things returned to relative normality.

You haven’t been worrying to much about Trinity’s behavior as its greatly improved and she seems back to her pervious self. She told you her medication seemed to be helping a lot and in combination with talking with the councilor she’s feeling better than ever. You applaud her, telling her how proud and happy you are for her.

Mid thought your phone rings and you pull it quickly from your pocket answering it would looking at the contact name. “Hello?”

“Hello, is the guardian of Trinity Scarlett available?” A male asks and your heart drops. He sounds too emotionless and precise to be just a random person asking.

“Th-that’s me. I’m her guardian.” You say already blinking back your tears. You just know this is bad, so very bad.

“My name is Officer O’Neil; we need you to come down to St. Rose Memorial Hospital. There’s been an accident.”

Covering your mouth your mind goes blank. He could be telling you the secret to the universe, the meaning to life, or directions to an ancient Aztecan city and you wouldn't hear a damn word.  Calling your neighbor, Cassandra Whittle, she agrees to watch Ollie and Fern until you or your father arrives home allowing you to race down to the hospital.

You have no idea what happened but you fear the absolute worse case scenario. When you get to the hospital, and after you quickly put your car in park, you rush into the building making a bee-line for the receptionist’s desk.

“My name is Y/n Scarlett. I’m Trinity Scarlett’s older sister. I have power of attorney for her. Her birthday is…”

The older looking woman behind the desk holds up a hand halting you before you can say Trinity’s birthday. “Miss Scarlett, please, I understand you’re scared but take a few deep breaths. You look ready to fall over.” Her tone is warn and soothing, and you follow her suggestion.

“Please, I need to know if Trinity is alive.” You say looking to the one way locked doors leading to where your sister is.

“I need you to sign in first. I’ll have an orderly take you to her.” She says calmly handing you a book to sign into before paging one of the floor orderlies to come collect you. Within minutes you are escorted into the back, a small slip of paper wrapped securely around your wrist tethering you to Trinity during her stay.

“Oh, God!” Your hands cover you mouth to keep from sobbing out loud. Nothing in your wildest nightmare equate to this horror. Rushing forward you hovers just beside Trinity’s bed your hands hesitating to touch even an inch of her. A respirator tube is shoved down her throat, breathing vital air into her lungs for her. IV lines are jabbed into both arms, red and clear liquid being pumped into her body.

You want to touch her, to feel her skin beneath yours as reassurance she’s there, but nothing in you can make that final touch.

"Miss Scarlett? I'm Officer O'Neil. I need to speak with you."

Holding your phone to your ear you wait. You feel numb all over, yet again. Your sister's recovery will be short of a miracle at this point.

She had bleeding and swelling on her brain, she's suffering from over seven broken bones in various locations, mainly on her right side, she had internal damage to her intestines, and the worst of it all, it was all caused by her so-called best friend Helen who'd been driving under the influence of drugs. To make things worse, Helen didn't get nearly the same injuries as Trinity and had left the scene and ran home.

She'd been caught because it was her car and Trinity had been buckled in to the passenger side front seat. Even when Helen had been caught she tried to blame Trinity. Her parents had brought her into the hospital at the same time Trinity had been brought in.

They tell you if Trinity does survive and manages to wake up that she won't be the same girl. She's suffered too much brain damage to make a complete recovery to the person she'd been. You didn't realized just how much one heart could break in a matter of two days.

"Hello?"

You don't respond instantly. Biting your lip you finally force yourself to speak. "I need you."

"As you wish."

It took everything in you to finally make the call. You guess it finally had to happen when you saw the looks of despair in the eyes of Trinity's care team. No one believes she'll make it.

Within moments Dark arrives in the hospital. With his wide stride it takes only a few seconds for Dark to reach you. He doesn't reach out to touch you but that means very little. The moment he's within rage you rush into his arms.

You haven't been able to reach your father and you need someone to hold you, even if it's from a cold demon like Dark. "She's going to die, Dark. I couldn't protect her." You sob into his chest. Your tears are hot and sting your eyes as they race down your blotchy face. You've been crying so much you didn't think you could shed any more tears and yet here you are.

Dark stands ridged. You surprised him yet again. He never would have thought that you'd call him here to simply have him hold you. He already aware you're father isn't in the hospital; why else would you call upon him to be your support? He'd never given the impression he'd be one to come to for such things.

The death of another human means very little to him unless it's you. Now that he's claimed you he cannot replace you with another Scarlet decedent, and on a much more personal level he's plagued with a kind of affection for you. You're tenacity and ability to over come your fears has solidified his choice in you, and had endeared you to him.

Looking over your head Dark sees your sister lying on the bed, near deaths door. Of course he knows what happened and whose fault it is. Just because he’s chosen his bride doesn’t mean he’ll stop keeping tabs on the others.  

In no way will he allow some over sight to steal away his claim. However, right now his claim is sobbing against his chest, your heart crumbling under the decision you’ll have to face sooner or later; whether to continue to allow Trinity to live as she is, on a ventilator and fluid IVs for nourishment, or to pull the plug and allow her the grace of death.

It’s already very obvious by the faces and emotions surrounding Trinity’s room that she’ll end up dying either way. “Why did you call me? Do you wish me to save you sister?” Dark asks. He doesn’t mind being used in such a way if it benefits him, but it would be unlike you to simply cave in.

Lifting your eyes to his, you shake your head. “No, I…” Your words escape you. Dropping your gaze you answer honestly, “I can’t ask you to save her, no matter how much I want too. Trinity wouldn’t want me to do that if it means losing more of my freedoms. I needed someone emotionally detached from the situation.” It feels shitty to admit you don’t want your family around you, but their kind words and added emotions will just cause more pain than you need.

Dark understands. You’re family would do the family thing and try to tell you everything will be okay, but very rarely does someone recover from these kinds of injuries without repercussions. Wrapping his arms around you Dark pulls you to his chest.

“Despite what you may think of me I am sorry you are going through this. I am fully aware how precious your sister is to you.” You melt a little at the sincerity in his tone. He may or may know his words would affect you, but apart of you believes he is actually sincere in his words and actions.

“Thank you.” You whisper burying your face into his chest again. Silently Dark nods his head, wrapping himself around you tightly. He presses a soft kiss to your crown as you cry.

[charleshoyle]

We have been in too great a hurry.

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[sukisdeliveryservice]

hi ash! sorry that im a little late, ive been a bit preoccupied these few days, but im glad you like talking to me :D i rly like talking to you too <3 i appreciate that you put so much effort into answering everything T-T i do have discord actually! id love to continue talking over there after this :D also this is crazy long so dont rush yourself sjhdjdjd

if you want any nct music recs in the future you can come to me 😌 i really love hello future!! i say this about every title track during every comeback but its really my favourite one right now! 

YOU PLAYED DRUMS?? thats so cool :O ive always found drummers rly attractive sjshjehdjsh 

the have i evers :

i have never! been to a concert, ive just never had the chance :/

i have! sneaked out, but it was with the help of my mum where my dad didn't know lmao ehejenjdhen

i have! gone through both a one direction and bts phase. 1D came first and it lasted for almost half a year i believe? and i discovered bts in 2018 thanks to my friend, but i started exploring and eventually drifted apart from them in early 2020. jungkook still has a special place in my heart tho :)) 

i have! had a irl crush actually :'D he actually knew i liked him but did nothing at all and we remained pretty good friends, but he stopped talking to me about over a year ago, and i lowkey don't wanna admit it but i miss him sometimes :') 

i have! pets. i have 3 dogs and a cat currently, and i have 6 other unofficial dogs and a idk how many fish which are at my grandma's side :DD

i have! performed in front of a crowd, i was in a storytelling competition when i was 9 and 10, and then i learned to play the erhu when i was 12 and performed a few times :)) 

i have! fic wise, i also love by-moonflowers fics sm! T^T i read her tokyo ghoul au and i actually didn't have a clue what tokyo ghoul was, i looked it up on wikipedia before reading it djbfkdhdjd and her exes confront each other series was really amazing too. and im rambling but her jeonghan magic au, all the stars we steal, that was probably the first fic of her's i read and it hit something in me and i really wish i could read it again like it was the first time 😔 i really loved it sm. book wise, i will never forget jodi picoult's small great things. and also like any book reader, ps. i love you is definitely a favourite of mine :') it was so touching and i just genuinely really love that story. 

i have! there's quite a lot of moments like that, but this one where i went on vacation in the mountains? we stayed at a very nice place. on the first day i was really tired so i slept til the evening, and when i woke up it was drizzling and there's was quite a breeze, so i sat in front of the open door of my room. in front was a swimming pool so i just put on some music and watched the rain drop into the pool. it was the most relaxed i had felt in a while and i wish i could go back :') 

i would say i have! when we can talk anon off i'll tell you which one, but i really enjoyed writing this one drabble/oneshot and im glad other people seemed to like it as well :DD

and ofc i have! i met seventeen when i was pretty down, and i treasure them the most now. they helped me through a lot and really changed me and im really grateful to them

i wanna know your answers to these too! so, have you ever

been to a place/been in a particular mood after a specific event that you wanted to stay in forever?

written a piece of work that sparked energy within your fingertips?

met a person/have someone in your life who you now just treasure so deeply?

the next mission is out dkhdkdhfj but i'll continue for now, would you rather (pls dont hate me after this)

only listen to seventeen or txt forever

spend a week with soobin or chan

only eat bingsu or only watch 1 studio ghibli films for the rest of your life

sign with sm or yg or jyp

know how to play every single instrument or speak language in the world

be a master at something you love (singing, dancing, writing, that kinda thing) or something unique (like having a photographic memory or like ice carving? or even mouth reading)

i also suddenly remembered, but knitting is also one of my many hobbies :D

- 💎 anon loves you and wishes you a good day!

you can reply whenever you are ready anon. it excites me that we've been having a steady back and forth but sometimes life happens and you should definitely prioritize any other responsibilities you have!! i'll always be here 😌 knitting is a fun hobby anon!! i used to do that and crochet a lot too ,,, i should get back to it. what do you make?

before i go ahead and answer these can i just say how much i love that you personalized it?? that really means a lot to me <3 anyways~ here we go!! when we get to turn off anon i would love to hear some nct recs!! most of my irl kpop friends ult them and i'd love to get to know more!! and discord would probably be the best way to share because the asks just get longer and longer LOL (i love them)

drums yes!! i've been told that i look like i'd play the piano instead bahaha but i think drums are pretty neat :3 i also saw this person ask huening kai about band txt and he said soobin would play the drums :O need i say more?

thank you for your answers!! we definitely gotta talk more about them once we can chat on discord!! i loved reading them and they were just so lovely <333 for the last 3:

i don't think so? i have yet to be in a moment where i am completely lost in the energy - but the closest i've been to that level of peace would be the late nights where i'm playing my favourite music and about to drift off to sleep. i feel almost content, and sometimes wish i could stay in my dreams forever :3

my very first fic!! flights and feelings - i was writing it on a whim at 2 am? and i wasn't planning on posting it until i did randomly and now i am a tumblr writer :O

seventeen like you said! i don't think i would have made it through the rest of high school without them, and as of now they've been one of the things keeping me going :)

the next mission is out owo playlist making do i see? anyways onto these first!! how dare you write these anon my head is SPINNING

only listen to seventeen or txt forever ...seventeen, they're my ults!! but also because they have more music released atm, we have yet to see the amazing things txt have planned!! i wouldn't be surprised if i start ulting txt in the future as well :3 i...bought 3 of their albums a few days ago

spend a week with soobin or chan // WHAT KIND OF QUESTION IS THIS ARE YOU TRYING TO GIVE ME A HEADACHE (moots please look away) soobin <3 i love them both very much but i think soobin and i will vibe more maybe it's my delusions THEY'RE BOTH MY ULTS and i'm scared of talking to both D: but soobin is slightly younger than chan so that's why i think he'd be easier to talk to T_T the thought of spending a week with soobin makes my head spin

only eat bingsu or only watch 1 studio ghibli films for the rest of your life // bingsu!! i would not mind that one bit :3

sign with sm or yg or jyp // as someone who is a terrible singer and dancer, i would not survive in either of these companies. however, under the assumption that i can do these things, i would say... jyp. i don't think there's an entertainment company that treats their idols completely right but out of these 3 i feel like i'd cry less in jyp. is kq entertainment an option? idk all the details but they seem to treat ateez okay, or maybe IU's company...again i don't know all the deets

know how to play every single instrument or speak language in the world // speak every language in the world!! it upsets me everyday that i'm not close to my culture because of this :(

be a master at something you love (singing, dancing, writing, that kinda thing) or something unique (like having a photographic memory or like ice carving? or even mouth reading) // i'd say maybe something unique!! it's kind of thrilling to always be looking for ways to improve on something you love <3 so i'd go with something unique...a photographic memory would be very helpful for studying!! but maybe i'd like to have a talent in making people smile!!

thank you for these questions anon!! i'm heading out to work now but i'd love to write you some more would you rathers later on :) i should have packed more questions into this reply but i really gotta go now sorry :( so instead just tell me how are you!! also i would like to know your answers to these ones!! you are very creative with these btw :3

which of your biases would you want to spend a week with?

what food would you be okay with eating for the rest of your life?

would you rather:

sign with sm, yg or jyp?

know how to play every single instrument or speak language in the world?

be a master at something you love or something unique?

[ohoshi]

yess the part where johnny bumped into taeyong was cool!! ty looks so cool while performing gosh 😌 i think ive watched that nct u class performance so many times by now, im still not over it for some reason hahaha

OMG I KNOW XIAOJUN BEING RELEVANT!! YES!! honestly im so glad that during nct 2020 a lot of the wayv members got to show their skills and how theyve improved (like xiaojun, hendery, yangyang) and i hope this keeps going (i feel like winwin esp couldve been showcased more? maybe it's hard with soo many members and i dont wanna be *that* fan...but he was the leader of the 90s love unit and had like 2 lines lol)

omg yes shotaro!! you never couldve known he debuted just 2 MONTHS AGO but i agree even in maw u can tell that the boy got moves! i feel so proud of him and hes so cute 😊 i agree, sign me up too for the idols who have such duality!! they were all so good (as expected)!!

WAIT LMAO SO SORRY i just fact checked myself and haikyuu actually has 4 seasons 😂 😅 there was like a 4 year gap between s3 and s4 so i think i felt like it was 2 seasons lmaoo. lately i have been more okay watching ongoing shows bc it gives me something to look forward to every week! but i usually do binge shows, which is why im a little sad that the uncanny counter is ongoing so i am forced to wait 😭 i must say though my binging skills are amazing...my one talent in life 🤣

her private life is another fake relationship kdrama (the main girl character is a fangirl and she runs a blog for her bias ahaha relatable??), and i think crash landing on you has some fake relationship things?? obviously it's not the main focus of the drama but crash landing is iconic u gotta watch, be prepared to cry tho if you get emotional watching these things like me 😭 because this is my first life was also good (i've heard some ppl get frustrated by the main guy character's lack of emotion though but i liked the writing and it's worth giving it a shot if you want!) i love the fake relationship and the enemies to lovers tropes, so if you come across any that are good pls let me know hehe

SVT yes that part in home where they choreographed like a house imagery with their hands was so cool!! the choreo is just so detailed (like i think there was a part that looked like they were opening a door bc it's "home"), i had heard svt is self produced and thats so amazing! theyre so talented and their performances are so good (the ones i've seen so far). i watched their mafia dance video for left and right and it was so FUNNY HAHAHAA they seem so chaotic i love it (also i love the mafia dances in general lol like nct dream did it for we go up). i'm going to try to learn svt's names (which i usually do by just watching crack videos about the group on youtube lmao) so stay tuned 👀 coming from nct, 13 members doesnt even seem like a lot to me anymore hahaha and i think im usually good with names so we'll see! i am also curious to see if i end up stanning dino :)) who are your svt biases??

haha yes i can understand xj/hn/lc without subtitles!! it's interesting because i think all 3 of them are from different places so their canto actually sounds a bit different from each other! but when i hear wayv speaking canto it feels so familiar bc i really only speak cantonese with my family, and it's such a weird but also good feeling and it makes me feel warm :) wayv is the unit that feels like ur close friends (whereas dreamies have best chemistry and i think i like 127’s music most? (but ofc i do actually like all the units songs hahah))

🥺yeah me too! i’m glad wayv members became more relevant thanks to nct 2020! honestly they are soooo good and they deserve all the attention! and winwin 💔 honestly i’m so happy he is in wayv now where he is being appreciated more! where he gets the lines and screentime! he deserves it 😤 of course you’re gonna be *that* fan! we’re all *that* fan 😤 the leader of the unit got 2 lines 😤 smh 😤

omg 4 year gap???? that’s a lot 😳 what for?? i guess the 4 year gap is the reason the show is still airing after all these years lmao when i saw gifs on my dash my reaction was wtf when did haikyuu become one piece what have i missed and then i googled and saw that the anime has 80+ episodes????? ABOUT VOLLEYBALL???? 😳 WILD

ohhh i see you have something to look forward to hmm that makes sense? maybe i should try it, especially since it’s most likely not as consuming as binge watching!! but yeah same, binge watching tv shows is one of my talents 😏

her private life is about a girl who runs a blog about her bias? there’s a whole kdrama about me? are you kidding me rn? never knew someone would be inspired by me or us for that matter? since we’re both just two little human beings running a blog about their biases<3 OMGGGG when am i gonna get the time to watch all of these drama 😭 hopefully really soon, but knowing how busy my college life can be (and esp rn) probs not 🤕 if i ever come across any drama that you haven’t watched already i will most likely recommend it to you!!!!

AHDGAGHFSDGH i love when idols play mafia game of any kind and i think that svt’s left and right is my favorite mafia dance ajfdshgadfshga they’re so chaotic and funny and omg vernon was so good tho?????? 😳 i was impressed bc i could never lie so well ahgdfags yeah it’s not that hard to remember all 13 of them especially because all of them are so different (i mean all of the members in all of the groups are always so different but ajdsgakja for whatever reason svt to me seemed the most uhhh versatile from the others?? like for example woozi is so smol it’s easy to remember him, and then seungkwan is the loud one, and then mingyu and jeonghan are pretty ones, joshua the charming one, sweet one, my biases are the best<3 etc but i mean THIS COULD BE JUST ME AJDGAJSH maybe i’m just too biased bc i love them so much sigh) anyways,,,,,, there’s a lot of ICONIC SVT CONTENT SO  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ welcome we have cookies, relax and enjoy yourself, the ride to being 500% whipped for svt begins right here, i recommend to you their pot and hammer game bc i love to watch when idols play it and svt? CHAOTIC AS ALWAYS! 

OK MY SVT BIASES 🥺 ok first of all here’s a digression: usually when i get into a kpop group i have like 3 different positions, 1) love at first sight - which is the person who i’m attracted to right from the second?? like the first person i see and i’m like oh //they// kinda like the way you’re attracted to dino’s dancing and stuff; 2) first bias - which is the person i just pick for whatever reason //ok they’re gonna be my bias//; 3) the actual bias - after watching a lot of content and listening to the music and getting to know the group in general i then choose //THE BIAS// or rather the bias chooses me bc it’s out of my control i just love them whoever they are! and with svt 🥺 all of the 3 were one guy (the only other time this happened to me is w nct dream lmao) 🥺 and i love him so much! one and only: xu minghao! (aka the8) 🥰 he’s one of the lead dancers and 1/2 china line in svt and he can sing! he can rap! and boy can he dance 😭 i just 🥺 love him 🥺 my other svt bias (whom, tbh, i don’t love nearly as much as i love minghao but i still love him very much<3) is wen junhui! (aka jun) 🥰 he is the other lead dancer and 2/2 china line in svt (this is random: but i really love china line in kpop??? like idek why? i mean of course i don’t care about their nationality or whatever but i’ve just noticed that for whatever reason the ones i tend to love and bias are more often than not chinese) and i know i know you asked ‘hey cora who are your svt biases??’ and everything i was supposed to say was ‘hey santa it’s the8 and jun!’ but no i had to be EXTRA bc guess what? well I AM EXTRA!!! bc i got excited i really love them 😭 (esp minghao<3 lately he’s been my ultimate bias so  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯)

OMG I AM SO JEALOUS OF YOU RN? you can understand them without titles? lucky!!!!!! but the fact that it feels familiar and it makes you feel warm<3 is so precious<3 so cute!! so wayv feels like home? 🥺 bc you only speak cantonese with your family? this is so 🥺 i’m not crying you’re crying 🥺 teach me something in cantonese?? like?? actually, first tell me is it too different from mandarin??? and then teach me something? how do i say i love you? or hi and bye lmao and thank you? yk the basics! and i mean of course that we all love all units songs i mean!! we’re here for all the mess those 23 boys give us but!! i think i’d be biased and pick nct dream’s music<3 but i love wayv and 127 so much as well 😭

[lemonicsweet]

not to rant on main or anything but f uc k art

like,, i wanna draw headshots because theyre easy for me and i just get frustrated trying to draw full body, but i feel like i have to draw full body because i know i have the skill to. its like,, i know i can do better, and its like i need an excuse to draw something thats not a full thing, yknow?? 

i only let myself draw this ^^^ because i told myself i needed to test out some brushes and i wouldnt need to draw a full picture to do that. on top of that ive been wanting to try using a simpler style (at least for a while) because my current one just stresses me out trying to figure it out, and im not drawing as often as id like to.

this ^^^

is better than this ^^^

but because the second drawing is more detailed, i wont let myself draw like the first one because im convinced that more detail = better art. this isnt to say my current style is bad, i know im not a bad artist, but the facts are i had fun drawing the first picture. i enjoyed it. i forced myself to draw the second picture, i didnt want to finish it, and i am unsatisfied with the results. 

this ^^^ is a drawing i had fun doing. i enjoyed putting effort into it. i love how it came out, its a good drawing.

this ^^^^ is a drawing i struggled to make. i dont like how it came out.

see what i mean??? i know im capable of creating more detailed pieces, but its more enjoyable making art with a simpler style. but because i know that its not the most effort i could be putting into my art, i wont let myself do it without some kind of excuse.

i think the main issue with art is im more aware that everyone has standards for what they think looks nice and, while i dont want to do anything with my art, im still putting it out there and its intimidating because i know i dont meet that standard,, and if i do i dont meet it,,, very m u c h??? and i just get like,,, "this isnt perfect, its awful delete it" and its not a good time. its like,, i draw less for m e and more for like,, and audienc e that isnt even there?? like i dont draw for anyone i only draw stuff i want to, but its like,,, not like when i was younger because i was able to just do whatever i wanted and not worry about how nice it looked, but now i d o???? idfk how to explain it arts not fun

im becoming more critical of myself ig and i miss the days i could use the circle tool for the entire drawing and call it good

like

^ this ^ is something i made in 2013. and i was REALLY proud of it. not kidding, i thought this was one of the best things i ever created. 

and yet here i am pushing out pieces like

^this^

and feeling like i failed. like i know this isnt good, but i was experimenting with stuff for the first time, of course its not going to look perfect. i know i have tons of room to improve, and im going to work on that, but ive just become so fucking critical of myself i cant draw something just for the fuck of it without needed to excuse it to myself. NO ONE IS GOING TO JUDGE ME FOR THIS?? ITS LITERALLY JUST ME BEING LIKE “okay but why would that drawing exist?” “you can draw more than that, you know” 

and im

t i r e d of it.

i miss being able to draw apologetically. if i wanted to draw a my little pony oc? id fucking draw it. if i wanted to draw a winged wolf? id fucking draw it.

now its like

“i want to draw this character of mine in a dress.” 

“but why would she wear a dress? she doesnt seem like the type.”

“i want to draw a simple headshot”

“but you can do better than that”

i guess its just i feel like if im not pushing myself to make better art its not worth the time spent on it, but if i do that i usually end up pushing myself too hard and the drawing flops. ive done a couple experimental drawings that went well, but most of the time theyre just too ambitious and leave me drained for days.

and its >:|

i know theres probably ways to get around this, but so far the only thing ive found is forcing a drawing to come out, and that hasnt been working too well for me. this will probably blow over soon, but fuck if it isnt annoying.

[xaeneron]

On Path of Fire

I haven’t done one of these in a while (or rather I wrote them and then forgot to post them lel), so maybe I’ll actually post this one for the new GW2 expansion after spending the week running around.

Overall, I found the expansion to be pretty solid; the maps are beautiful, the mounts are hilarious and well-implemented, the story was interesting and decently paced, and I’m still experimenting with the new elite specs.  Massive spoilers below the cut!

Questions on anything I wrote, thoughts of your own?  Feel free to boop me; I know I wrote a lot.  

But really, don’t say I didn’t warn you.  There are a LOT of bullet points beneath that cut.  xD

On the maps

Obligatory: they are huge.  It’s fitting since they were designed against HoT’s verticality and more geared towards the use of mounts, so it’s more of an observation, less of a complaint.  There’s a lot of detail and a lot of little things here and there, and it’s incredibly fun to see what you can get away with using mounts to get around the terrain.

That being said I do miss the verticality of HoT maps.  Maybe a combination of both pls? :3

I kind of wish there were more large obvious meta events, but I haven’t gotten to see all of the sort of meta events that go on in the PoF zones. I do think the large metas add replay value, but again a balance is a good thing.

We spur-of-the-moment yolo’ed the Ruptured Heart meta with 11 people.  It was actually pretty fun.  Also so many cannonades ;-;

Hearts feel like they take just a little bit too long.  Some of them are amusing, but when trekking through zones doing map comp (or redoing hearts to get collection items) they drag on a bit.  Guild chatter about hearts was fantastic though:

“These nobles are useless.  What should I do with the chamber pot, throw it off the side or throw it at one of them?”

“I’m throwing flowers at people and making them happy?”

“Matchmaker heart best heart.”

Bounties are hilariously fun?  Sometimes you get unfortunate bullshit combinations of modifiers (anti-stacking fleas + pls stack in the bubble to actually be able to hit the boss mob, I’m looking at you), but overall they’re quite fun.  We spent a good few hours trekking through all five zones murdering things and getting murdered.

These actually look super promising for replayability; our goal/challenge as a group has always been to optimize and work together, so it should be fun to go track down bounties and see what kind of dumb shenanigans we can get up to.

I actually find these really fun in small groups of 5-10.  Zergs sound...unfun.  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

The caffeinated skritt is...kind of annoying.  Mostly because it doesn’t operate like the treasure mushroom in HoT and you have to be on the class you want the collection item on, and the maps are so large someone could trigger a chest and no one would be the wiser.

A tip though for people wanting to complete multiple collections: you only need to loot the last bag it drops.  If you’re wandering around with friends and they’re nice enough to chill at the bag, you can reload with other characters and grab the bag again for another collection item (until it despawns).  I have no idea if this was intended, but I burned a few TP to friends on this for the lulz.

I had a lot of GW1 feels running through these maps, especially going down to the Desolation and Vabbi.  I appreciate that these places still exist but have changed with the years, and it’s nice to see what happened.  

Although Vabbi is one weird-ass place now.

BUUUUUUT Zomoros’ lair was hilarious.

I haven’t explored for the sake of exploring in a very long time and it was really, really nice.

CHOYA PINATA.

On the elite specializations

I haven’t actually gotten to try all of them yet, but I’m also not super enthused about all of them (Spellbreaker, I’m looking at you).  Also a gentle reminder that my opinions are mainly based on my background as a PvE player and moreso as a raider.  Also they’re just initial opinions.  Opinions change.  

I started with thief (duh), and proceeded to do the entire story with Daredevil.  I’m not particularly a fan of Deadeye; I appreciate the archetype but I don’t really see rifle having a place with a game designed more around active response in combat.  Also as someone who still can’t shake the seaweed salad dance, rifle just feels really static and dull to me.  But we’ll see.  Maybe I’ll have to make the Predator hue. D/D Deadeye also felt strange, so idk.  But we’ll keep fiddling with it.

Mirage still feels kind of odd but I need to get poor Naois the spec since he’s actually specced for condi, unlike Eet.  It seems like an upgrade to condi mesmer, and the triple blink is hilarious.

I really hope Scourge ends up with some sort of place.  Initial benchmarks look hilarious (but then, so did Soulbeast/Weaver/Firebrand ones), but I took out Richter again for Scourge and I’m actually really happy to play him again.  It’s been so long ;-;

My brother told me, “do yourself a favor and put down a sand shade near some enemies, then press F4.”  I tried it.  I laughed pretty hard.

Weaver is so much button-pressing but it’s really fun?  I’m still getting the hang of it but I do like it a lot.  At least it’s more challenging than condi tempest. *grumbles eternally*

Soulbeast looks promising, although I hope it doesn’t lead to another “let’s use condi ranger/thief on absolutely everything” situation again.  The new pets are also...interesting.  

Although when it comes to ranger I’m a druid at heart, so we’ll see.  Not that I’m usually conscripted for DPS roles anyway

Firebrand looks silly.  And broken.  I’m all for alternative sources of quickness (and alacrity in the case of other specs), but I don’t really want to see raid meta go to 2x PS 2x druid 2x chrono 2x firebrand (or something like that) with only 2 flex spots.  That doesn’t sound fun at all.

Also I’m guessing Firebrand will be the first to get the nerfbat.  The damage numbers people are getting are bonkers.

And hey look, they got the nerfbat.  Down to 33-35k.  At least that’s better than 50k? Ugh.

Renegade feels pretty decent.  Revenant has always been in a weird “built around elite specs” class, and that hasn’t changed.  I’m not sure how I feel about condi rev being more of a thing and less of a meme, but ayyy

Holosmith seems like it would be a lot more relevant if the transform wasn’t currently borked.  Scaling damage to a level 76 fine weapon is...sad.  If it’s fixed power Holosmith could be something legit?  Maybe?  Overall though I like the theme and look of it.  Also lol lightsaber.

Spellbreaker I...idk.  Thematically I like it a lot; I was a big fan of mesmer and shut down mechanics in GW1 and I like the idea of Spellbreaker, but from a mostly PvE perspective, it’s just kind of...eh? WvW and PvP I see it being incredibly useful but with limited boons to nom in PvE it doesn’t really look particularly great (especially with condi berserker getting tuned through the roof).

On mounts

I keep dyeing them funny colors.  Yes Quill’s are all some shade of yellow.

I honestly think they were well done.  I was never a supporter of adding them to the game (not against, but not for them either), but now that they’re here, I’m pretty okay with them.  

I like that each mount is useful in some specific capacity - raptor for flat open stretches, springer for verticality, skimmer for no touchy floor, jackal for portals and evasion through high mob density areas, and griffon for the absolute lulz of flying.  

I keep getting the “mount doesn’t render so your character model is riding away sunk in the ground while your camera remains in place” bug (I think it’s attached to trying to mount up before things are completely loaded), and while it’s funny, it’s kind of frustrating.

Mount swapping is a bit awkward, although binding each mount to its own key helps a lot.

I appreciate that the starting mount (the raptor) is still relevant even when you pick up the other three (four), as it’s definitely the fastest mount on flat ground and it’s improved leap is hilariously long.

Also it’s a giant scaly puppy so I have no problems with this.

The springer is hilarious.  And super terrain-breaking.  High cliff?  No problem, bunny hop.  Core and HoT map comp probably just got much, much simpler.  Also JPs that don’t have mount restrictions.

The skimmer is adorable, and riding it around is strangely...calming?  idk.  Also as one of my guildies put it: “maybe this is Anet’s answer to underwater combat: glide right over it.”  rip.

Of the four core mounts I think the jackal (blink doge) is my favorite.  It has a gorgeous design and the blink/portals are super cool.  Although the blink can get a bit titchy if you’re trigger happy with the jump button.

Of course I have the griffon.

IT’S SO FLUFFY.

I think it handles a little strangely (esp when you can’t dismount quickly, although you can divebomb), but it’s pretty solid.  And adorable.

250g was entirely worth it.

Also that Tahlkora cameo hit me right in the feels.

On the story

I’d get here eventually!  Eventually...;-;

All salad-shaped biases aside, the male sylvari VO is still my favorite and no one can convince me otherwise.  There was a good amount of sass, seriousness, and everything inbetween.  Ive is one to take everything with a “hahahaha you’re kidding what am I doing here help,” so overall the voice acting and dialogue fit him fairly well.

I’m a little disappointed by the lack of race-specific dialogue.  Humans don’t seem to have any special dialogue with or concerning Balthazar, and everyone else doesn’t really have a chance to comment as an outsider.  I know it’s more work and I still enjoyed the story as is, but it would have been a nice touch.

Like Ive would literally not give a shit about half of the things brought up.  Not because he doesn’t care about others, but because he has no clue what anyone is talking about.

This was particularly funny with Joko in the Domain of the Lost, because his whole tirade about the PC not knowing who he is could quickly be shut down with “I’m a salad, I have no idea who the fuck you are.”

The “decisions” were interesting, although unsurprisingly they had very little impact on the game as a whole (maybe in the future?  Doubt it).  I did appreciate that depending on the order the “decide on Amnoon’s independence” steps are done in, the dialogue changes.

I admit that I’ve gotten a little less partial to Taimi as she’s edged closer to Deus Ex Machina territory, but her dialogue and conversations (both with the PC and with others like Phlunt later on) are quite funny.

I wish there were more Vlast/Gleam before he died.  It’s sad that he showed up and just...died, but I can understand why they chose that path as well.  

Although some of that was my own fault; the chapter with the Exalted and Vlast’s upbringing I got supremely distracted by the jumping puzzle and spinning around on my new skimmer.

Still.  More Vlast!

RYTLOCK.  RYTLOCK WHY.  Nice job breaking it hero.  Surely you would know better than to accept help in the Mists from a random shackled man who CONVENIENTLY knows how to relight your magic sword.  Sigh.

I thought a lot about the Herald of Balthazar after finding the notes in Night of Fires.  I went back to it after talking to my brother and came to a very similar conclusion as a theorizer on the GW2 subreddit.  If that theory is true, that makes me very sad.

Pls say it’s true I like gut-punch feels.

Speaking of gut-punch feels, The Departing was amazing.  It was super disorienting not having access to the inventory or the minimap, but it was a very well-done instance and I enjoyed it immensely.  I appreciated that they stuck to the “you lost your name and purpose” thing to the point of replacing your character name (including in the hero panel) with Lost Spirit.

Balthazar murdering the PC was pretty neat. 

Also Aurene showing up exactly on time was both cliche and NO BALTHAZAR BAD STAY AWAY FROM BABY DRAGON. 

This, like a few other story missions later on, is super awkward to do as a group.  It’s supposed to be rather personal, and so the not-instance owners are reduced to buffing wisps (like later on in the thrall party instance, not-instance owners are just awakened thralls), and idk I was lucky I was instance owner but that seems rather :|

Ive had a lot of feels hearing everyone’s voices again.  Also the feels of him not exactly remembering everything and having to follow his purpose through his own memories and not quite remembering everything.  Including Trahearne.  

Also tfw the story mission is essentially Full Circle (as a sub-section of Closure) with a bit of bonus Balthazar.

Joko is being very obviously set up as a “you left me in a cage I swear vengeance rahhhhhh” villain.  Or Anet is going to pull a fast one and he will never show up again, which would be hilarious.

Bonus feels for everyone else surviving and Ive being the only one dead (think Eet).

Backtracking slightly, I’ve never liked Kormir.  I still don’t like Kormir.  And the human gods are miserably terrible people.  At this point there’s not much questioning as to whether or not they exist, but with the extent of their influence, their decision to just kind of peace is...rather appropriately god-like, for better or for worse.

Seriously though, gods pls.  I can see some of the logic of “world will be destroyed anyway if god attempts to fight god,” but surely there are other things that need be maintained.  

Also I like how Kormir notes that Balthazar had been stripped of his powers, and yet he still curbstomps the PC (unless it was entirely the imprisonment in the Mists that just locked his powers away, but Kormir’s dialogue suggests otherwise).

I would kill for a library like that.  Seriously.  So jelly.

The “let’s disguise ourselves as the Archon and go and convince Palawa Joko’s army to fight for us” part was so incredibly stupid that of course it worked.  We spent the entire time laughing at how incredulous it was.

The battle at Kodash Bazaar was actually kind of awesome?  There was stuff everywhere and my only inclination for the first part of the instance was “go hit things.”  

It was incredibly weird to just have Sohothin for the entire instance.  Yes I’m aware I could have dropped it.  But it was hilarious in a Caladbolg sort of way.  With less idiotic knockback, and more 300s cooldown skills.  

AURENE.  Balthazar stop hurting my dragon >:(

Also because he just yolo killed her other brother before she had a chance to meet him in person?  rip.

Although now that I think about it, how would that meeting even go?  Talking to the Exalted indicates that Vlast was isolated and not well-acclimated to the world around him, so by the time they realized he should be interacting with other races it was too late for him to form any empathy for anyone.  His dialogue seems to imply that his motivation was simply the fulfillment of a goal; he seemed far more interested in fulfilling his legacy as Glint’s son than the reason why she needed him and Aurene to do anything in particular.  He doesn’t really have a reason for what he’s doing, he just does.

Aurene is implied to have an empathic link with Vlast similar to her connection to the PC, but idk, it just seems like any actual meeting between the two of them would just be incredibly awkward.

I very much enjoyed both the penultimate and ultimate fight against Balthazar.  Also because if you turned around, you could see Kralkatorrik’s massive face just chilling in the sky because oh shit angry elder dragon.  It was...quite something.

I understand the PC’s current caution about killing elder dragons because of magic imbalance, and I also understand the need to stop Balthazar from being a total moron.  I also understand that there’s not much you can do to stop a mad god besides killing him (since those with the means to imprison him decided to float on).  But uh.  I’m not sure what anyone expected would happen if you kill the god who absorbed two dragons’ worth of magic with another dragon just chilling nearby.  Surely Kralkatorrik absorbing everything and flying off into the sunset while extending the Brand wasn’t a surprise.  

Seriously though what did you think was going to happen.

Baby dragon absorb magik and is not quite so baby anymore.  Aurene come back I miss you already ;-;

I commend you if you actually read all of that.  xD

Overall, a solid expansion with quite a bit of content.  We’ll see how replayable it ends up being as time goes on, but I am still quite amused by it and have plenty to do as it stands.  The story was fairly solid (although sometimes strange with questionable logic, as always), and I’m looking forward to where they take it with LWS4.  

[x-oc-blog-x]

Inside Avas’ OCs

I got a questionnaire from mibba.com for my OCs

Oliver Asman

Basic

1. What is your full birth name? Oliver Lee Asman

2. Any nicknames? Oli

3. When were you born/how old are you? June 5. I’m 19

4. If immortal or slow-ageing, what is your apparent age? I’m human soo.

5. Where were you born?

The United States

6. Who were your parents? Cassie and Daniel Asman

7. Do you have any siblings? Yeah. He is 5. His name is Joel.

8. Where do you live now? At jacks house in the US

9. Who do you live with? Jackson Canmore and his mom.

10. Are you right or left-handed?

Left

11. What words/phrases do you regularly use? I definitely say sorry a lot.

12. Name some habits or strange quirks you have? I chew on hoodie strings. And my shirt sometimes. I know it’s gross

Appearance

13. Height: 5’ 7”

14. Weight: 147 pounds

15. Skin Tone: I’m tan

16. Body Shape: normal? I don’t know.

17. Hair: blonde quiff

18. Eyes: blue

19. Face Shape:what does this even mean?

20. Everyday Dress Style:I like to wear black jeans and a t shirt

21. Formal Dress Style:slacks and dress shirt.

22. Any Jewelry? A few bracelets just to fidget with really.

23. Any Scars? Just a few. Ive got some on my thigh. I don’t want to talk about it.

24. Tattoos? No.

Growing Up

25. How would you describe your childhood in general? It was okay. It could have been better. I was kicked out though. There was that.

26. What is your earliest memory?

My mom and dad arguing over money. He hit her.

27. How much schooling have you had? I graduated

28. Did you enjoy school?

Yeah. I got to spend time with friends. And jack

29. Where did you learn most of your skills/abilities?

School

30. Any role models while growing up? Not really until middle school. I really liked the flash. Jack made me watch it.

31. What did you want to be when you grew up?

I actually wanted to be a dinosaur. Then I wanted to be a teacher

32. What was your favourite thing to do? Play with dinosaur toys with jack. And when I grew up a bit I liked to write.

33. Were you popular?

No

34. Who were your friends?

Jack, Misha, Collin, Rex, Alex, Loni

35. When and who was your first kiss?

My first kiss was a girl named Maddie in 6th grade

Past Influences

36. What do you consider the most important event of your life so far? Moving in with jack when I got kicked out. That really influenced our friendship and helped us get together. And that was life changing.

37. Who has had the most influence on you? Jack.

38. What do you consider is your greatest achievement? Healing from being kicked out and not trying to reach out to my toxic family.

39. What is your greatest regret? Missing so many opportunities because of insecurity.

40. What is the most evil thing you have ever done? I have no idea. I try not to do bad things.

41. Do you have a criminal record of any kind? No

42. When was the time you were the most frightened? When I was kicked out. I was so scared. My dad had me by the hair and was dragging and throwing me.

43. The most embarrassing moment of your life so far? I accidentally submitted one of my writings for an assignment instead of the actual assignment. My teacher was really confused.

44. If you could change one thing from your past, what would it be and why? As much as I loved living with Jack and his mom, I wish I wouldn’t have come out to them. Maybe they would still talk to me.

45. What is your best memory? My first kiss. Jack and I were in the park. And without me even telling him I liked him, we both just kinda kissed.

46. What is your worst memory? Other than being kicked out, Being beat up in the bookstore. I didn’t do anything to them, but because I was holding hands with jack, they put put me in the hospital.

Beliefs and Opinions

47. Are you more optimistic or pessimistic? I try to be an optimist.

48. What is your greatest fear?

Being alone

49. What are your religious views?

I believe in the Christian god. But I never go to church or anything.

50. Political views?

Not conservative.

51. Views on Sex?

Sex is a cool thing. Everyone is different with it, but it’s nice. I like it. I want to go more into detail but I really shouldn’t.

52. In your own opinion, what is the most evil thing someone could do?

Kick out their child for being lgbt+

53. Do you believe in Soul Mates/True love? I do.

54. What do you base success on?

Personal Achievements. I’m successful for finding a healthy relationship and getting out of a toxic situation. Other people are successful for getting past their bad pasts.

55. How honest are you about your thoughts and feelings with yourself?

I try to push my feelings away. I don’t like negative emotions.

56. How honest are you about your thoughts and feelings with others?

I usually tell jack how I feel if I’m depressed because he likes to help.

57. Do you have any biases or prejudices?

Yes.

58. Is there anything you would absolutely refuse to do under any circumstances?

I’m sure there is. But I don’t know what they would be

59. Why would you refuse?

N/a

60. Who or what, if anything, would you die for?

I’d die for jack and his family. I’d die for my friends. Id die for the kids like me who don’t have anyone to go to because they were abandoned for who they are.

61. What do you feel the most passionate about?

Jack.

62. What one act are you most proud of?

Healing from bad things.

63. What one act are you most ashamed of?

Coming out to my parents.

64. Are you a leader or follower?

Follower

Relationships

65. In general, how do you treat people you don’t know well? I try to be nice to everyone.

66. How do you treat people you do know?

With respect.

67. Who do you respect the most and why?

Jack. He is a nice human who has been through bad days. And he is still the best and nicest person I know.

68. Who are your friends?

Misha, collin, Jack, Loni, Alex, and Rex.

69. Who is your best friend?

Jack

70. Ever been in love?

Obviously.

71. Who do you consider family?

Jack, Misha, Collin, Ms. Canmore

72. How close are you to your family?

I don’t talk to them. At all.

73. Who do you turn to in desperate times and why?

Jack. He has always been there for me.

74. Who do you trust to protect you and why? No one should have to protect me. But in the times that I needed it, Jack. Sorry if I keep saying his name for everything. He is everything to me.

75. Who do you despise the most and why?

My dad. He took me by my hair and threw me from our house because of my sexuality.

76. Do you tend to argue or avoid conflict? Avoid. My anxiety doesn’t like to fight.

77. Do you care what others think of you?

Yes.

Sex and Intimacy

78. Do you consider yourself straight, gay, bi, trans or something else?

Pansexual.

79. Do you have a significant other?

Yes.

80. Describe them: kind, smart, sweet, supportive, loving, and everything someone could want.

81. What is the perfect romantic date?

Going to the park and having lunch.

82. Best sexual partner?

Jack is the best. But he is the only person I’ve had sex with.

83. Worst sexual partner?

No one. Jack is the only person I’ve had sex with.

84. Worst thing you’ve done to someone you love?

I don’t know.

Likes and Dislikes

85. What is/are your favourite hobbies/pastimes?

I like to watch tv. And write.

86. What is your most prized possession?

The bracelet jack gave me.

87. Favourite colour?

Green

88. Favourite food?

Pizza

89. Favourite movie? Spider-Man: far from home

90. Favourite TV show?

Glee

91. What, if anything, do you like to read?

I like poems. Rupi Karar especially

92. What style of music do you like?

I like all music. Except country.

93. What is your idea of good entertainment? Books, tv, plays, etc.

94. Do you smoke?

No. It’s gross

95. Drink?

I don’t unless someone offers at like a party or something.

96. Drugs?

Nah.

97. Typical Friday night?

Cuddles with jack.

98. What would be the perfect gift for you?

Roses.

99. Rain or Sun and why? Rain. I like to feel the rain.

100. Day or Night and why?

Day. I like the sunrises and the sense of everyone having something to do in the light.

101. What makes you laugh?

Puns. Jokes.

102. What shocks/offends you?

Anti-lgbt people. People who deny human rights to others.

103. How do you deal with stress? I usually break down and cry.

104. Are you spontaneous, or do you feel you always need a plan?

I prefer plans to ease my anxiety.

105. Any pet peeves?

Nah.

Occupation/Study

106. Do you have a job or are you studying? I stay at home. I don’t do much. I sometime write for commission money.

107. If so, what is it/what course?

Writing.

108. Do you like it?

Yeah.

109. If studying/not working, where does your money come from? It doesn’t really.

110. What is your boss/teacher(s)/agent/publisher ect like? I am my boss that’s pretty cool.

111. What are your co-workers/other students like? Nope.

112. Do you get along with them? Nope.

113. What is something you had to learn that you hated?

Semicolons

114. Do you tend to save or spend your money?

Save

Misc.

115. Describe the routine of a normal day for you:

Wake up. Cuddle. Sometimes work. Eat. Cuddle. Blah blah.

116. What is your greatest strength?

Being able to pick myself up when I’m down

117. Greatest weakness?

Being so emotional

118. If you could change one thing about yourself what would it be?

I would want to look better. I think I could improve my face.

119. Introvert or Extrovert?

Introvert

120. Organised or messy?

Organized.

121. Three things you’re good at:

Writing, overthinking, and being a friend.

122. Three things you’re bad at:

Rationalizing, talking to strangers, and being alone

123. Do you like yourself?

Kinda

124. What is your life goal?

To be fully happy with who I am.

125. Where do you see yourself in five years?

Hopefully I’m married to jack. Maybe having a baby.

126. If you could choose, how would you want to die? With jack by my side. I don’t want to be alone.

127. Three things you would do with 24 hours left to live? Talk to my family and explain to them some things, tell Joel how important he is to the world, and to have some alone time with jack.

128. What is one thing you’d like to be remembered for after your death? Being a good person

129. Three words to describe your personality?

Awkward, caring, and nice.

130. Three words others use to describe your personality?

Awkward, horny, and fun😂