#i could talk abt this manga forever

[lanarchive]

fav part of frieren so far <3 also ily

hello hi i love YOU! my favourite part omg………. i have so many and i literally JUST got to the thirtieth chapter….. most recently tho is frieren picking a random ring for himmel to give her only for it to be a ring of eternal love (which he NOTICES and his face goes so soft and im just 🥹🥹🥹🥹)

[everythingsinred]

Let's Talk About NatsuMikan: Mikan (pt. 11)

Last post, we discussed Natsume's wishy-washy backtracking on his hatred of Mikan and her subsequent confusion. He is certainly not making her crush easy on her! Today, we'll talk about Mikan and Natsume's conflict as they pursue Z, as well as her strange reluctance to be vulnerable with her feelings about him, both out loud and to herself.

The Z Arc from a narrative perspective is probably the best written of all the arcs, in my personal opinion. There's a lot to analyze here. But there's also a lot of lore and worldbuilding, as well as focus on their quest, which I will be skipping over if it's not relevant to the characters/relationships. I don't want this to be a summary, but an analysis, so I sometimes I skip around. Thanks for understanding!

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Chapter Thirty-Six

They’re in the thick of it now, in the woods after having gone through a tunnel. They’re on their own now and have to fend for themselves if they’re gonna get Hotaru’s antidote and Yuu’s alice and make it back on time. Step one is to eat, and Mikan is proud of herself for having had the foresight to pack food for this occasion! But instead, Pengy comes out, having gorged itself on all her snacks.

Mikan and Pengy have been established to get each other, so Mikan “translates” Pengy’s pweens and pehhs to say that Hotaru sent it to be useful. But she can’t actually understand it, so Natsume tells her to leave it behind.

I always begin this arc siding with Natsume and then completely switching sides by the end. It goes like this every single time.

Mikan defends Pengy and they argue. Natsume seems rather heartless from her perspective, willing to leave behind a potential ally just because it’s not useful quite yet! So she claims responsibility for Pengy, promising to look after it. The others are bringing up good points about leaving it behind: it’s already been a hindrance and it’s only going to be in danger if they take it with them. But Mikan, even if she can’t really understand its pweens and pehhs, has the feeling that Pengy is a good-luck charm from Hotaru, so she can’t leave it behind, even if she wanted to.

Additionally, we've already established that Pengy and Mikan are like souls. She sees herself in the robot, a useless burden that bites off more than it can chew, pursuing adventure without fully understanding the consequences, endlessly messing up. She wants to give Pengy the chance to prove itself, because she wants that for herself too. If she sends Pengy home, she might as well go home too. But she wants to believe that they are both worth something, that they can contribute to this mission, so she defends it and will continue to do so for the entirety of their excursion.

But Pengy gets itself in trouble right away, causing a ruckus that causes harm to all of them and that Natsume ultimately saves them from. Mikan claimed she’d take responsibility, but so far she hasn’t. So Natsume says one more time to leave it behind. Mikan tries to defend Pengy, accusing Natsume of overreacting, but he hits her and that’s that.

He keeps walking.

Mikan understands, though. 

It’s not an overreaction.

Pengy caused a dilemma where Ruka got hurt, where Natsume and Tsubasa got attacked. It has eaten all their food already. It is a hindrance and Mikan understands why Natsume is saying all this. She knows from the Reo incident that Natsume isn’t a normal kid, that he’s seen things in the DA class that the rest of them aren’t prepared to face. He said he’d come along to make sure things go smoothly, and his presence is what gave her idea credibility in the first place. It’s unpleasant to admit, but he knows what he’s talking about. And she remembers that Ruka told her Natsume is secretly selfless, that he’s always thinking of protecting people, even to his own detriment. So Mikan gets that he’s right, that this is just another instance of Natsume doing what he has to to protect people--namely, the rest of the group. 

So she apologizes to each of them, but most importantly to Natsume. She starts to say sorry and trails off, only thinking “...for making you worry.” 

It's especially hard to apologize to him.

Mikan doesn’t do well with conflict. She can argue and bicker, sure, but the deeper stuff is harder because she doesn’t have a lot of experience with negative emotions and situations. Natsume always brings out genuine, deep conflict. He’s the serious, dark character after all, the one bringing a shadow to her typically sunshine world. He’s a tragedy, she’s a comedy, and she doesn’t know how to adapt. He’s challenging to deal with. So she holds back. She doesn’t say all of what she means to say, because it’s scary. She said before “ignoring people,” because she was trying to protect herself. Now she refrains from saying what exactly she’s sorry for because it’s hard.

Natsume is difficult, but he challenges her, putting her in situations that are uncomfortable. He’s definitely not doing it on purpose, to drag some development out of her, but it is pushing her to face situations that she isn’t used to.

Things get serious again when they realize they’ve wandered into a dangerous area with trees embedded with the medusa alice. Ruka puts himself in danger trying to save Pengy and just as he’s about to get struck by the medusa alice and turned to stone, Mikan throws herself into the lurch and saves him with her nullification alice.

Her alice seems to work best with tackling, or at least some proximity...

Chapter Thirty-Seven

Mikan’s protection is always so personal. It’s not about saving somebody. It’s about saving this specific person. This is consistent, which is why I put emphasis before on Mikan saying “Not Natsume” before (though I will admit now after talking to Crim that I was off-base with the particular translation--sorry). Regardless, Mikan isn’t the kind of person who thinks in terms of universals and generalizations. Everything is specific and particular and personal when it comes to her. 

Mikan once saw Natsume walk into the classroom covered in bruises and wounds and although she was surprised, she wasn’t particularly concerned for him on a personal level because she didn’t like him. Then she found out, after she started growing feelings for him, that he was frequently hospitalized, her reaction was much different. It was particular. Personal. She doesn’t want Natsume to have the fourth alice shape. Previously, she’s saved both Noda and Natsume with her alice, and it was particular then too. It wasn’t about saving somebody, but saving this particular person, her partner or her teacher.

And now, when she uses her alice, it’s not about saving a person, it’s about making sure that her friend Ruka doesn’t turn to stone. It’s personal, specific.

It works so well because of how much she cares for him. <3

I don’t think Mikan’s alice would work as well if it was general. She’s a kind person, sure, but love makes the protection personal. If she cares about somebody, her power becomes more potent.

But her friendship with Ruka isn’t the only reason her alice is working so well here. She has Tono’s alice stone, which is amplifying her alice, and making her feel the sensation of his alice amplifying her own alice, like she’s being protected.

(Which makes me wonder if everyone protected by nullification feels similarly, like they're protected. Mikan feels like her alice is useless, but the people who have felt that protection would know better. Thus Ruka and Natsume would understand that feeling, like they mattered enough to be protected in this way, and would appreciate her alice in a way she can't.)

Tsubasa uses the stone too to make the trees still. Only Ruka’s boots were turned to stone (which will give him blisters for sure because they have a lot of walking to do). 

1 Mikan and Tono are on a similar wavelength. 2. Their alices complement each other on account of being opposites. 3. Mikan felt so strongly about saving Ruka that she was able to activate the stone.

Tsubasa explains how alice stones work, how they’re typically hard to use, especially for beginners, because it’s a foreign alice. But Mikan and Tono are similar, in alice and apparently in terms of wavelength, so she was able to use it, especially when she had such a clear intention (SAVE RUKA-PYON!), because strong feelings help the alice stone work. 

Mikan is also impressed with Tsubasa’s success as a leader so far. He might have a reputation as a slacker, but he’s bright and has enough talent to be a triple, in Tono’s words. Tsubasa is competent, so he’s of good use on a mission like this. Ruka’s proven himself because it was only due to his alice that they’ve managed to find food and get directions this far. Natsume’s experience in black ops missions and his alice have both been incredibly useful. And Tono has helped from afar by giving Mikan his alice stone.

She still doesn’t feel like she’s contributed much. Even saving Ruka feels like something Tono inadvertently accomplished rather than something she did.

So when she and Pengy are by the lake at the end of a long day, fetching water for the rest of them, she comforts it about Natsume’s resentment. She knows how it feels. She also feels useless, and people are always making fun of her being stupid and making mistakes. Natsume might hate that Pengy is still with them, but she’s not, because Pengy is a gift from Hotaru. They can be failures together and do what they can to help. 

It's really hard for me to read Pengy scenes without crying. Yes, I'm crying right now. I cry a lot, actually.

Again, Mikan feels kinship with Pengy because she feels they are the same. People underestimate them and she feels useless all the time, like all she ever does is mess up. Seeing Pengy do the same doesn't annoy her because she just sees somebody else struggling the same way she does. It only helps more that Pengy was sent by Hotaru, which means that her best friend must have seen some value in it. Mikan values Hotaru's opinion more than anything, so if Hotaru sent Pengy, then Pengy has to be valuable.

When Ruka comes by, Pengy runs away, frightened, so the two of them have the chance to talk by themselves. They marvel at the moon, at how pretty it is from this view. Ruka thanks her for helping him, and Mikan is surprised to see he’s sparkling as much as the moon. It’s a pleasant moment where they can appreciate each other. He thanks her, so she thanks him right back, pointing out all the help he’s been all day (and signaling to him that not only Natsume thinks he’s worth something; he genuinely does have something of value to contribute and Mikan can see that too). 

Being around Ruka is easy; he’s kind and sweet and conversations are never tense or hostile. They have a very sweet relationship.

Ruka is probably the nicest person she knows, next to Yuu. He has a heart of pure gold, and more patience than anybody.

Ruka tells her a little more about alice stones, how they’ll be able to make them when they grow older. He then promises to give his to her, if she’ll accept it. Mikan might not understand all the romantic connotations of such a promise, but she can tell that Ruka cares about her, that this is a big thing he’s offering. And because she cares about him too, she eagerly accepts and promises that she’ll give him an alice stone too, that they can trade. She has only platonic intentions, but that doesn’t make it any less important. She’s planning on making a few of them, for the people she cares about most, and it’s a big deal that Ruka is on that list. 

Mikan gets swept away by this powerful future of hers, wondering what color her own stone will be, when Ruka randomly runs away, saying he wants Natsume to see the view. Mikan, surprised, wonders why he’s not fetching Tsubasa too. 

But then she notices something: Natsume is already by the lake, hidden by the bushes.

Chapter Thirty-Eight

Ruka ran off to get Natsume, but he’s been here the whole time! She can put together that he’s here because she took too long to get water, since he’s drinking really loudly on purpose to get to her. He shuts her down with a hateful comment. She then tries a different approach, suddenly musing on Ruka, and how he randomly ran off just to bring Natsume back, which must mean he really likes him. The scenery is beautiful, after all, so it makes sense that someone would want to share that with somebody they care for. Mikan wishes she could share it with Hotaru. She shares what she and Ruka had discussed before, that their friendships were similar. 

She’s trying to connect. She and Ruka bonded by talking about their best friends, so maybe the same topic could get her closer to Natsume too? She wants to connect with him after all (“I hate everything about you,” seems so long ago, now) and has for a while. She likes him, despite everything, and thinks they could be friends.

He shuts her down with another hateful comment.

Mikan notices that the moon looks different now (very obvious metaphor incoming). With Ruka, it seemed to sparkle and glow, but with Natsume, it looks all blurry and terrible. It doesn’t resemble the gorgeous view she was looking at a moment ago at all. 

I love that the text is sideways for no reason.

He asks her if she knows anything about the meaning behind trading alice stones. She didn’t know there was a meaning at all, so no. She asks what it means but he doesn’t reply. Back to being ignored.

The silence prompts Mikan to go on an internal journey. She starts by wondering when Ruka will return. She’s waiting for him, after all, so they can all look at the moon together. Eventually, Ruka will realize he can’t find his friend, give up, and head back, right? She considers going back to Tsubasa and leaving Natsume behind.

Say what you want about her early discomfort with Natsume, but none of the other characters get her as introspective or thoughtful as he does (unbeknownst to him, of course)!

Because being with Natsume is difficult. The conversation’s not that titillating. He’s a jerk like always, if he talks at all. We know (from the other essay) that Natsume mentioned the alice stone tradition because he wanted to check if Mikan knew the meaning already. But Mikan doesn’t know that. According to her, Natsume randomly brought up a topic for no reason and then didn’t explain anything. He’s exhausting. 

Then her internal mind journey moves along, and we get yet another taste of her self-esteem when it comes to her alice and how little she thinks of it. Though she can imagine that Ruka’s alice stone would be super cool to have, she doesn’t think hers would be as impressive. She can admit now that her alice has potential, but it’s still not good enough because her power is too weak. Even the impressive accomplishment of saving Ruka was mostly due to Tono’s alice stone helping her. She thinks of two more instances when her alice was useful: the first time she used it with Natsume in the Northern Woods and when she saved Natsume’s life during the Reo arc. 

Then she asks herself an important question: how come her alice works best with Natsume? 

Hmm... Mysterious!

Natsume doesn’t want his alice. He hates it. She remembers that it had seemed like he’d wanted to die, too, and the only thing that stopped him from killing himself was her alice. She muses now about him, about how Natsume’s life would’ve been easier if he didn’t have such a powerful alice. Natsume only knows the things he knows now because he’s part of the DA class, and he’s only part of the DA class because of his alice. If he didn’t have it, he wouldn’t have to be in such dangerous situations all the time. He wouldn't have been kidnapped, he wouldn't hate the teachers as much, he wouldn't know things from repeated negative experience. Natsume isn’t like the other kids, Mikan realizes, because his alice isn’t precious to him, or some part of him he’d hate to part from. The other kids feel like their alices are as much a part of them as their sense of humor or hobbies or heartbeat. But Natsume doesn’t want it. He feels no attachment to it, only resentment. 

Narumi told her that there might be someone out there who needs her alice, and Mikan realizes now that the person he was talking about is Natsume. Natsume has a dangerous alice that he hates, one that has made his life a living hell. Mikan has the ability to nullify it. It’s only around her that his alice isn’t a part of him at all. And he’s the only person in the whole world who would actually appreciate that, who would consider that a blessing instead of a curse. Nonoko and her classmates might hate to lose their alices, but Natsume is different.

So she tells him that when she grows up and becomes more powerful, and makes an amazing alice stone, “Natsume, I’ll give you my…” 

I asked Crim and those last two bubbles would better translate to something like, "That stone, to Natsume, I'll..." which is very aborted! And very relevant!

I think ellipses are VERY different from dashes. Those are different types of pauses. A dash means there’s an interruption. She doesn’t start to say something and then gets interrupted. There’s an ellipsis, instead, meaning that she’s trailing off. She is choosing not to complete the thought.

She has a series of aborted thoughts that are all pretty much the same. She’s trying to say it, but she can’t. “Maybe the person who needs my alice most…” “Natsume, I’ll give my stone to…” All aborted. By her. It’s obvious what she’s trying to say, even though she’s not completing her sentence, but she still can’t say it. She can't even admit it in her own thoughts.

Natsume is challenging. Talking to him is hard. Not just because he can be a jerk, or because he sometimes doesn’t talk back. He always brings out the most difficult thoughts in her. He’s always challenging her. She finds it difficult to say vulnerable things to him. It’s not easy to tell him that his ignoring her hurts her feelings, or that she wants to give her alice stone to him specifically so he can have her protection. She finds it hard to apologize to him at the afterparty dance or after Pengy gets them in trouble. All the most vulnerable things she has to say are hard to force out of her mouth (this is important now and will be more important later). 

Natsume has a similar issue, where he can’t say the things he feels to her, but it’s not really the same. He can’t say it because he’s not allowed. He stops himself at every turn because he wants to protect her from his shadowy, dark life. If he hints at all that he has fondness for her, it could all come crumbling down. He holds back on purpose.

Mikan holds back because he makes her nervous. She could say sorry to Ruka or Tsubasa without an issue, but apologizing to Natsume is hard. She could whine to Hotaru about how she hurt her feelings, but confronting Natsume with something serious is hard. She could easily agree to trade alice stones with Ruka, but telling Natsume she wants him to have her stone is hard. Why is this? Why is Natsume different from literally everyone else?

She looks so surprised... She cannot finish her thought. It's too scary!

It’s not just because he’s mean to her, because Hotaru can be just as cold. It could be fear of rejection: Ruka mentioned trading alice stones first, so she was only accepting his offer, rather than making one of her own. It could be a question of pride: apologizing to Natsume means admitting he was right, which is hard to do after she’d argued with him so much. I think it’s an amalgamation of a bunch of confusing stuff, because he makes her feel confused. She has feelings for him (that I strongly believe are romantic, even this early on) despite their relationship being so shaky. She wants to connect so badly, and in a specific way (though she doesn’t realize it), so there’s a risk of being rejected, of facing the fact that she cares about him and he might not really care about her back. 

And this realization she’s having now isn’t just about offering an alice stone to a guy she likes. It’s more than that. She wants Natsume (specifically!!!) to have her alice stone, to have her protection. He’s been a jerk to her for a while, but she wants to protect him, to keep him safe. She doesn’t like that he’s led such a life that made him accustomed to danger. She wants to offer something to him that she can only offer to him. There’s another side to this: Natsume is who needs her alice the most, which means she needs him the most too. 

Mikan is deeply insecure about her alice and self-worth. He’s the only person, as discussed, who would only benefit from her alice. Ruka and Hotaru have non-offensive alices that nullification wouldn’t affect. Mikan is already great at nullifying pheromones. It’s Natsume’s specific offensive alice that makes the most of hers. A whole lock and key thing. If he doesn’t need her, nobody does. And that means that she needs Natsume to need her. 

That’s why she can’t blurt it out here. Asking him to accept her alice stone is hard, because it’s not just about accepting any alice stone, it’s about accepting her specific nullification alice stone. And if he doesn’t find any value in it, then who could?

But he says he doesn’t want it. She protests that she hadn’t even finished what she was going to say yet, and he points out that she’d already promised her stone to Ruka. 

Why would she need her own alice stone? That is so funny to me.

Mikan obviously doesn’t really understand how alice stones work quite yet. They’re yet another quirky little addition to the bizarre world of alices, something that seems crazy now but will be normal and effortless later. She imagines she can become powerful with enough practice and crank out a bunch of them for all the people she cares about (and Natsume is on that list! Amazing!), but Natsume argues that her alice isn’t that powerful, so she probably wouldn’t be able to make two alice stones with ease. 

His rejection is (on his end) actually very careful. It’s about her not being able to make two alice stones, about giving her stone to Ruka, not to him. It’s not about not wanting her specific alice stone.

Finding out that making alice stones is actually a challenging endeavor is a surprise, so Mikan starts to fret. She’d had a list: Ruka, Hotaru, herself, now Natsume (though why would she want her own alice stone? She already has her alice so a stone wouldn’t do anything.), but now her plans are in shreds. She has to give a stone to her bestie, but she promised one to Ruka, but Natsume would benefit the most from it--what is she to do?

Natsume makes it simple: “Only give your stone to Ruka.”

And then he splashes her. 

That distracts her from their conversation because now they’re fighting and splashing each other, throwing out every stupid, childish insult they can think of. 

They’re both cold, soaking wet, and Mikan starts to wring out her hair. Then Natsume comes out of left field, again, as he’s prone to doing.

“In five years, wear your hair down.”

He touches her hair too, and that’s important, because Natsume makes it a point to avoid touching her. He’s so wishy-washy, insulting her one second, touching her hair the next. It’s a very soft moment, and seemingly out of character. 

Sure, it's just her hair he's touching, but he's still touching it! WTH IS GOING ON??

She’s startled and embarrassed, so she tries to argue, saying she wouldn’t listen to anything he has to say, but he doesn’t argue back like she expects him to. Instead, he repeats himself and adds, “It looks better that way.”

And Mikan blushes because he’s giving her a compliment. He started a stupid water-fight, but he immediately followed it up with tenderness. I’ve said this a thousand times, but this boy makes absolutely no sense to her.

He has no idea what kind of affect he has on her. Very irresponsible.

She’s even more embarrassed now, and because Mikan always struggles to communicate vulnerable feelings with Natsume, she keeps arguing instead of saying “thanks for the compliment” or asking him what he’s talking about. 

And when she sees the moon again, it’s sparkling again.

The moon is an obvious metaphor for her mood, since she was so happy with Ruka (thus, sparkling, just like he did) versus so frustrated with Natsume (thus blurry and gloomy). But he complimented her and touched her hair. She is sparkling now, happy again. Natsume thinks he is only capable of hurting her, of dragging her into darkness and screwing up her life, even putting her in danger. The most he lets himself do is indulge in selfish little moments where he does something kind or sweet in a roundabout way so she doesn’t catch on. But the thing is that she does catch on. And not only does she catch on to the sweeter parts of him that he’d rather keep secret, but he is capable of making her happy. He might not get that out of this conversation because she just replied with more yelling (which is why Natsume thinks she merely tolerates him for a while), but he made her incredibly happy. 

There's always a reason! Everything has deeper meaning. The curtains are NEVER "just blue."

There’s a lot of reasons to be happy: he complimented her, he thinks she looks better with her hair down (almost like saying he likes how she looks. almost), he was sweet with her. He obviously doesn’t hate her, even if he said so. 

Mikan will still be nervous and insecure around him (because he’s different), will still struggle with sharing her feelings with him (because he’s different), will still argue in his presence over the smallest things (because he’s different). But from now on, being around Natsume will make her happy. They will argue and it will make her happy. She understands now that this is what friendship with Natsume looks like, like bickering and then getting gobsmacked whenever he gets the whim to say something sweet, and that’s good enough for her.

Like I’d said, once Mikan understands somebody, she’s willing to tolerate all the more challenging personality traits because she knows what she’s sticking around for. She hadn’t been sure before why she kept looking for connection with Natsume, why he was able to hurt her feelings by ignoring her, or why she liked him anyway. But she gets it now, what secret little glow he has that makes all the shadow worth it. 

Hotaru is secretly kind. Sumire sticks up for people. Ruka hides his animal-loving side. 

Natsume makes her happy.

They make it back to their camp, where Pengy has managed to get Tsubasa and Ruka wasted off grapes. Though Ruka is able to accidentally assault Tsubasa back to sobriety, nobody would ever dare raise a hand against delicate Ruka, who rushes to embrace Mikan and then leans in, seemingly to kiss her!

Mikan is very embarrassed because Ruka is usually so restrained and polite, like a prince, and this is so sudden and abrupt. She’s also almost kissed Ruka before for the play, and having the experience almost happen here is also very startling! Natsume is able to stop Ruka, to usher him to sleep. The rest of them follow suit, because there’s a big day tomorrow, with the exception of Tsubasa, who decides to keep watch. And Mikan falls asleep thinking of her senpai, who is only fourteen but has decided to take on the role of an adult anyway.

The academy churns out prematurely adult (traumatized) children.

And how sad is that? He's just a teenager, but he is far more responsible, caring, and considerate towards the kids than any of the teachers. He takes care of them, but who's taking care of him?

Chapter Thirty-Nine

Ruka and Mikan’s dynamic has more chance to shine as Tsubasa and Natsume start bickering way more than usual. There seems to be a hostility and reluctant closeness all of a sudden that definitely wasn’t there before. And Ruka and Mikan can only watch, confused and surprised, which leads to sharing confounded looks with each other. 

I'm pointing it out because it means a lot to me, okay? They're really good friends, I love them.

They’re now closer than ever, having gone through a crack in a rock and appearing again in the mouth of a volcano, where the Z members are headed. Mikan starts to hallucinate, which signals to Tsubasa that the smoke they’re inhaling must be a hallucinogen meant to ward off intruders--which means they’re close. So they keep going, until they find themselves in a tiled room, with one large door.

Natsume and Tsubasa bicker over their next move as the room starts to shake, so everyone’s a bit distracted when the floor opens up and Mikan starts to fall.

She gets pulled down by a skeleton grabbing at her hair and the only person she calls out for before she’s swallowed by the ground is Natsume.

Wow! 

Always an aborted thought, though this time she was interrupted!

On Natsume’s end, this was a huge development because Mikan was finally relying on him, but unfortunately it was the one time he couldn’t actually help her. On Mikan’s end, this is just as important! They shared a nice little moment last night and she knows now that Natsume doesn’t hate her and also that being around him feels nice. Yesterday, he saved the day a few times with his alice and showed off just how reliable he could be. He’s also closest to her when she falls.

There’s a lot of reasons why she would call out to him. But Mikan usually feels nervous being vulnerable with Natsume. What gives?

First: he called out to her first, making this the second (technically third, but you get me) time he’s said her name, and also making it natural to respond. He’s not the only person who cries out to her, but he looks worried and frightened for her, which is probably both touching and surprising.

Second: she’s more scared of falling right now than she is of Natsume, so her typical inhibitions aren’t there.

She doesn't have a lot of time to call out to everyone, but it's sweet that she calls out to him, that when the situation is most dire, he's the first one she thinks of. She’s in danger, so she calls out to Natsume, who is reliable and can make her feel safe. But he can’t save her.

Conclusion

Mikan and her friends have finally arrived at Z's hideout, but they had to go through a lot to get here. In particular, we have explored Mikan's insecurities with her alice, how it functions best, and how that all relates to Natsume, specifically how he needs it more than anybody else. Furthermore, we see more evidence of Natsume's positive impact on Mikan, how he actually makes her very happy despite (or probably more accurately because of) the bickering that always takes place between them.

In the next part, we'll see Mikan meet her mom (again) and our group will face off against Z in order to save Yuu's alice and Hotaru's life!

Special thanks to @crimsoncitrus, who has been helping me a lot with the translations and making my essay as accurate as possible!

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[slut4msby]

the atsumu hny was super cute !!! loved It sm !! I hope you had an amazing new year's celebration!! was jus wondering if you could write something w samu or maybe Kita Shinsuke (24) rice farmer ? btw inarizaki #1 forever 💯

high school sweethearts. kita shinsuke x fem!reader

+ tags & warnings; fluff for a change of scenery & reader has a kid

+ a/n; I READ THIS AND WENT INSANE OMG I COULD TALK ABT KITA SHINSUKE (24) RICE FARMER FOR EVER. Fun little piece of lea slut4msby lore, when I first watched season 4 I had not read the manga yet and when Kita first came on screen i went insane. Also Kita and I are legally married?? My friends through a fake wedding for me because I was so in love with this man. And pls keep the Inarizaki reqs/asks/anything coming bc i am INSANE about inarizaki (i am normal i swear) <3

You couldn’t help peer out the window of your shared home with your husband. He was outside with your 5 year old son, playing some volleyball. Your son had never taken a liking to sports until your husband began cleaning out his old stuff, stumbling upon his jersey from his high school years. He would never admit and you would never bring it up but he did get emotional looking back at these days.The days where he led one of the greatest teams, not on the main roster, but he was still aware of the impact he had on the boys. He wasn’t the worst player but nothing notable, however Shinsuke had the power to put anyone at ease and you loved that about him.

Shinsuke never showed much self-confidence when the two of you had met in your first year. It’s not that he didn't have the confidence he just never felt the need to show it, and you appreciated that about him. You appreciate how no matter what Shinsuke was straight the point, you appreciated his need for routine, which has really helped your home life. You appreciate how he loves, how he cares for others. Kita Shinsuke was the perfect man.

However, despite how lucky you feel to have Shinsuke in your life. He feels even more lucky for you, he knows you are his soulmate from the day he met you in the first year. He felt as if all the work he had ever done paid off, he felt like the luckiest man in the world. At the beginning it was just a hallway class, the girl from class 1-6. Having your classes next to each other & both being in advanced classes meant the both of you would have recurring meetings. The next thing he knows, Aran had recruited you as the volleyball clubs manager as the team wouldn’t shut up about not having one. Shinsuke then began spending everyday with you, which turned to every waking second he was with you whenever he could be. He was your best friend, right?

That’s what you had thought. You would have never admitted your crush on Kita that began growing. However his admiration for you began sprouting. He loved the way you smiled, how you got along with everyone, took care of yourself and others, how you tie your shoelaces, how you set out  your notebook, how you played with your hair when you were nervous and how you didn’t seem to fear anything. Unlike him. Kita had put his feelings behind him, until he decided it was now or never, graduation. It was cliche, Shinsuke knew that. He had gotten you a bouquet of flowers, you had mentioned your favourite flowers in a passing conversation the second week of the second year. A useless piece of information, Shinsuke remembered that. Why wouldn’t he? He loved you. That day to Kita’s surprise, you said yes. You agreed to be his girlfriend.

Now, almost 10 years later. Shinsuke was your husband. Those flowers he had given you on graduation day you had pressed, they stayed on display in your kitchen, as well as a photo of you and Shinsuke the day your son was born. Now Shinsuke spent his days as a rice farmer instead of a volleyball player. However seeing him playing with your son reminded you of the man you fell in love with. 

You snapped out of a trance when your son called out to you, “Mum! Look! Dad taught me how to play volleyball like he used to.” You couldn’t help but smile, “He said I was really 

good! Mum, can I start playing volleyball! I wanna be like dad!.”

You turn towards Shinsuke, he looked so amused at the scenario. You jokingly roll your eyes at him, “of course you can baby!” You said planting a kiss on your son's forehead. “How about for now you and daddy go get cleaned up?”

“Okay!” Your son responds with a toothy smile, before your son begins pulling your husband down the hallway.

You felt like the luckiest woman alive.

©slut4msby

[elvenchain]

Thinking abt post-BW2 Ghetsis again...the conclusion to his story is so unique to me because he isn't banished or killed, nor does he find any kind of redemption. He just disappears completely having lost everything and the one person he could have ever cared about. I wonder how he feels about Colress, and how Colress feels about him too.

I find them both such interesting characters because they don't seem like the sort of people who would ever care about finding love or making friends for the sake of it. They refer to their relationship as an agreement several times in the manga and in the games - implying that if either of them were to find their goals diverging they'd just split off. But that isn't what happens at all. Colress loses to the protagonist and allows them to confront Ghetsis. And when they arrive, he's outraged. And throughout both BW and BW2 Ghetsis refers to his goals as strictly his, usually putting emphasis on it to show how selfish his ambitions are. But in that confrontation he says "our ultimate mission." Ghetsis is a selfish man, but the fact he wanted to share his ultimate goal with Colress shows just how close they were.

Colress definitely doesn't hate him, either. He says it, but the way he talks about Ghetsis in USUM shows pretty clearly that he still cares about him, even when faced with the worst possible version of his friend. But Colress hasn't spoken to his Ghetsis since his defeat.

Will he remain a husk of his former self forever? What happened to his Pokémon? Will Colress ever speak to him again, or will they always have this rift between them? There's something so tragic about both of them - they're terrible people who have done terrible things, but they were happy together at one point. While they were pursuing their goals, they were happy, and they understood each other in a way that went far, far beyond just an alliance out of convenience. They had something, but neither of them realised just what it was until it was too late.

But if Colress ever found him and spoke to him, or he ever went back out into the world, I wonder what kind of life he'd lead, and what sort of man he'd be.

[noxiatoxia]

you must talk about hikakao...... ooooo y ou want to so bad ............

I DO I REALLY DO BUT IDK WHAT TO SAY .......... hmm well actually I have a Few thoughts. I was thinking abt kaoru bc i am always thinking abt him sadly, and something i think a lot of people fail to realize is kaoru is actually quite selfish in his own right. a lot of people (and even myself in certain instances) portray kaoru as being exceedingly selfless or having no self esteem, which i dont think is necessarily the case, at least not straight-forwardly. Like, Kaoru is pretty far from selfless when it comes to others, it really is only like that with Hikaru. even then, he is only "selfless" when he deems it beneficial for his brother. for example, giving up haruhi so hikaru can spend more time with her because it would help hikaru grow as a person. but in that same regard, Kaoru is really selfish and self-centered in that he thinks he is sooo much smarter than his brother. like, he thinks he has it All Figured Out and thus only his vision of the future and what is "good" and "bad" could possibly be the "right" one. Cuz of this way of thinking, thinking he knows things everyone else doesn't and he "sees everything for what it is" (cough carriage cough) means he not so subtly dictates what HE feels hikaru should/shouldn't be doing. like he wants hikaru to grow up and move on not because it is genuinely the best thing for hikaru, but because KAORU thinks it's the best thing for hikaru, and so he is going to push hikaru in that direction without hikaru's consent bc kaoru thinks he knows what's best for his brother more than hikaru himself knows. which brings me to another interesting point, kaoru is EXTREMELY possessive. we all talk about how possessive hikaru is (cuz he is) but kaoru is arguably a lot more creepy about it bc with hikaru he makes his intentions blatantly clear (he's kinda surface level honestly) while kaoru's doing all these calculations and actions with hidden motivations to micromanage his own brother. kinda fuckin weird when you think about it. of course he's doing this bc he thinks it's helping hikaru or w/e. but i can't help but see a twisted level of irony in the fact that kaoru fears hikaru leaving him, and so his solution to this issue seems to be....proving HIMSELF to be the catalysis in hikaru leaving him (aka nudging him along the path of independence) like idk maybe it gives him a feeling of control or fulfillment.

which actually ties into another point ive been thinking about; i do think a lot, a LOT of kaoru's actions and fears (COUGH THE CARRIAGE COUGH) tie into him feeling like he has no control over anything. Fearing his friends leaving him, his brother leaving him, like this guy acts like he has no control over anything and i can't blame him. ouran, for being primary a comedy, does give some rather insightful depictions on different types of dysfunctional families and how it affects the children in them, with the hitachiin household's brand of dysfunctional being child neglect. I can't blame kaoru for feeling like everything's out of control or unstable in his life when he never had a stable life to begin with. i mean, not having any sort of parental figure in your life WILL make everything feel uncertain and loose. and then the only semi-qualified parental figure ended up betraying both the twins' trust and ditching them. i can eeeeasily see how this would forever instill a sense of lacking direction and control in kaoru's life, pushed further by the fact that he's gotten it into his head somehow that hikaru is more important than himself (not a manga fan personally but kaoru does legit flat out say in the manga, according to the wiki, that "hikaru is more important" than himself. so.)

and like. if you're a guy who's ONLY stable thing in his whole life has been his twin brother who he feels inferior to, and is slowly "realizing" that that very brother is going to "have to move on" one day? no yeah i can TOTALLY see kaoru adopting this very, very controlling mindset of "helping hikaru" to grow up just to feel like he has control in this otherwise hopeless situation for him. honestly it's really fucking interesting to think about and i have no clue if the author intended for it to go this deep but damn.....i love his fucked up brain.

and rounding on a point i said earlier, about how i don't think kaoru necessarily has "low self-esteem" in the traditional sense, what i mean is I don't think kaoru is a "i hate myselffff" guy, i mean without reason. as it stands in canon, i dont think kaoru regularly thinks "i hate myself" or "im worthless" or shit like that. what i DO think he thinks is "hikaru is more important than me" (not better, which would be more subjective, but more important, like it's an objective hard fact) or "my friendships are time-sensitive" (in regards to the host club). And i think this IS low self-esteem, but it's a very passive and harder to detect form of it. Kaoru puts himself below Hikaru, not cuz he thinks he's less deserving than Hikaru, but because, intrinsically, Hikaru is just "more important" and that, whether Kaoru means to or not, is going to UNDOUBTEDLY shape how he thinks of himself since he's basing his own importance in comparison to somebody who is "more important". Likewise, his constant fear of losing his friends, again likely caused by his upbringing + some undiagnosed anxiety disorder, can easily lead into feeling worse about yourself since the ability to create and maintain friendships and connections is often tied to someone's sense of self-worth. (I mean, you've heard of how old cartoons or PSAs or whatever refer to bullies and other "low life" people as just unhappy people with "no friends" and the like. this is just a fucked up perception a lot of society holds, that having "no friends" is a red flag.)

All of this eeeeasily tells me kaoru will, if he hasn't already, develop some sort of depressive disorder or mindset, especially if he keeps pushing hikaru away from himself (at least before, he was simply "less important than hikaru". Because without the guy you're directly comparing yourself to constantly, you're no longer second best, you're just nothing.)

wow this got off topic from hikakao to just kaoru character study really quick. let me round things back.

it's no shock hikaru and kaoru's relationship is an odd one given everything they've been through, and it'd not be so odd either that this crippling co-dependence causes kaoru to view hikaru like a partner of sorts. In cases where he genuinely falls in love, or more aptly, realizes he wants Hikaru in other ways that are not-so family-friendly, this would cause huuuge issues to his already fragile mindset about how his world operates, and he'd be quickly suppressing these desires likely out of a worry for hurting hikaru in the process.

this is also where the selfish thing comes back into play, because what if it was HIKARU who initiated it first? He wants to take their relationship to the next level, he wants kaoru like this and he knows kaoru wants it too, but kaoru keeps saying no, we can't, it'll ruin everything, it'll hurt you...

like kaoru would have likely agreed if this was pre-episode 21 or whatever, but past that general time area, he becomes a lot more obsessive with this idea of "moving on" and so I think he'd turn Hikaru down out of the idea of "the greater good." and even if Hikaru insists he knows what he wants, what makes him happy, Kaoru would still say it's not like that, it won't ever be like that, they can't do this, and Hikaru would definitely be the only one able to get through to Kaoru, because 1 it's Hikaru and 2 he's blunt as hell, so he'd probably snap and be like "Stop being so selfish and making my own decisions for me! If you want us to be independent so bad, don't I at least get the freedom to make my own mistakes?"

bc like, I highly doubt Kaoru is even cognitively aware of his controlling behavior. He does the things he does because it feels like he has to. And he probably had no clue how insanely suffocating he was being until Hikaru said that.

fuckkk that's what i love so much about hikakao right there y know. yes i love their toxic codependent swag and how insanely, well, insane they are for each other. but the idea of them growing up, becoming independent but STILL choosing each other time and time again, this time not out of necessity but out of genuine choice just because they love each other that much?? fuckkk.........fuuuck.......... win. win.

[ajdrawshq]

@ your tags on my post, i am shaking you like a maraca and yelling "YESSSSS"

i wanna see how kh3 tackles that whole thing because it's so eerily similar to what happens in the manga. and in the manga, he is in so much pain and agony, AND HE'S STILL FIGHTING. ROXAS IS THERE WITH HIM, HIS ONLY COMPANION, and then kh3 just tripped and fell on the glass table.

also, i think about this constantly, i want them to do something with it so bad.

YEA i cant wait to see the rest of kh3 manga chapters and how they handle everything, i especially loved the manga versions for days and kh2 and the way their stories were told - even tho kh3 has a Lot going on that might be hard to show well.. amano's been good at it so far tho so i have faith :]

but yeah that whole thing with Roxas is just . oughh. im not gonna lie even i forgot that Roxas was like. still there with Sora when he perishes until i thought abt it writing those tags but now that ive realized that. why the hell did they not take advantage of that!!!! like ok i get that it was more focused on the destiny trio in the ways i talked abt in the tags but yknow. what happened to "he makes up the difference"?? that wouldve been a great moment for it to shine!! ik they already make an example of it during the Xemnas n Saïx fight but still!!

part of me wishes Roxas couldve have more outward influence on Sora the way Ven did. granted, he arguably had an affect on Sora back in kh2, and while i dont remember if it was canon or even intended, that could be applied to both his appearance (his lighter hair, mostly) and his behavior (his hostility towards the organization members; ive seen this argued both as smth Roxas had influence over and purely based on Soras experiences thus far, and i believe in both personally) but Ven in kh3 was literally able to speak and somewhat act through him. im pretty sure this was meant to show that Ven was fully ready to awaken or smth like that, and that wasnt sonething that was needed for Roxas; hes alright, just needed a body/vessel for himself. but i still think itd be a cool way to express the earlier sentiment. and it wouldnt necessarily have to be Roxas "taking over" either, the manga shows very well how Roxas gives Sora strength from within and that he definitely does make a difference

to be fair tho...... whether that wouldve helped Sora in the moment that he gives in to his despair, im not sure. in kh2, both manga and game, hes in a very different mindset than kh3. in that part of the manga especially, despite thinking everyone (except Roxas) is gone for good, he still has the belief that they can live on within him. and that, plus the literal strength hes getting from Roxas, is keeping him going despite it all. in kh3 his self confidence is beyond fucked, and he truly believes in that moment that hes lost Everything, not just his friends. thats hard to come back from

i wonder if he were to remember that Roxas were still there, if that wouldve helped. whether for comfort in the way that hes not really alone then, or for motive to keep living bc if he dies then Roxas is gone too, or whatever reason, i think it couldve changed something, even if its just a little bit. hell, itd have been great if something like that happened afterwards in the final world. id like to think Roxas had a hand in Sora surviving ..... not sure how but its a nice thought. either way i do wish Sora n Roxas' connection and that moment they have in san fransokyo had more....... More. in kh3. it was a great opportunity that they didnt use/forgot about n im now sad abt it forever

[dnangelic]

TSUN! I HAVE SOME CHOICE WORDS TO SAY TO YOU!!!!

you are such an absolute delight to see on the dash and interact with, and that is no exaggeration! I adore all of your muses and even if i don’t know any of their respective medias, i learn about them through your writing and your metas and you talking about them and thats so fun to do!!! ITS ACTUALLY MY FAVORITE THING EVER! I appreciate you giving my dazai a chance despite not knowing bsd aswell as p much any of my other muses sknsksns you’ve been so sweet to me since we first became mutuals and i genuinely love seeing you around so much 😭 i see you on the dash and my day gets atleast 10% better without fail every single time. i hope u talk about your boys forever and ever . ITS SO FUN TO BUILD DYNAMICS WITH YOU!!! anyone is lucky to write with / plot with / interact with you i wont even lie and i genuinely believe that nsjsksnsjssn i appreciate that you show interest in so many of my muses it makes my heart so so so warm . I HOPE WE CAN CONTINUE WRITING NOVELS TOGETHER FOREVERRRRR even though i know im the one who owes you like 2829922 things ksnsksns DW AB THAT . I ALSO WANNA SAY about you writing dark and daisuke specifically i think its so good how much care you put into a series thats really old and like Ive genuinely put the manga on my reading list BECAUSE of the interest garnered from your writing !! SOLELY BECAUSE OF YOU ! u are an absolute angel ( … hehehehensnensn … bejbwnw … get it bc … bc …!2&2!/@/!/82 s hehehehe ) AND YOU ARE ALWAYS SO KIND TO ME and always so interactive and i can’t even beginnnnnnnnnnnnnn to properly articulate how much of a joy you are 2 interact with !!! wishing you and daisuke and dark and yan qing and all ur muses the best day ever . 🙌

OH MY GOOOOOOSH and to think i was sitting here at ur post like 'should i ask permission for nine asking for permission. what if nine doesn't wanna say anything. i hate feeling like im ever panhandling for a compliment. nine should be pouring soup into my lap and slapping dark + calling him a bitch so i can finally apologize but youuuuUUU YOUUUUU ALL THESE FEELINGS R SO MUTUAL!!! I LOVE SEEING U TALK!!! IT BRINGS ME SM JOY TO SEE U POST!!! even the most random stuff. doesn't matter if its long or short. literally dont even worry abt owing me stuff ur presence alone is also a DELIGHT ur fr like such a funny mut and person BUT UR ALSO SO GOOD AT UR MUSES TOO??? LIKE i could go on forever abt how much i respect ur dazai alone and how even if i don't know bsd canon that's probably for the best, bc ur now ur dazai is The canon dazai to me, but u also have like nine... billion... (hehehesbhgbssnsjkdj x2) MUSES ON UR MULTI THAT U ALSO FLAWLESSLY INVEST URSELF IN AND!! WOWWWW WHAT A MUN!!! genuinely im so glad i found u even in this hellsite and that i can just toddle around following u like this everywhere 🐥 every like i leave on ur post is me picking at it for crumbs like a pigeon in a city being tossed bread. keep tossing that bread for me please please. IM CRYING. IM WAILING!!!! BUT SINCE U BROUGHT UP READING DNANGEL LET ME ACTUALLY HELP U OUT TOO??

scans are like absolutely everywhere and most places have the godawful quality fan translations. u can and frankly probably should read the official eng which is available here. dnangel had a weird run where the eng was only licensed and translated up to book 13. 14 and 15 (and beyond) are fan translations, but there's exactly one chapter that's ALWAYS broken on any website you go to except this one. this site doesn't complete the series though so the last link you'd have to hop to is this one. but the entire series is only 20 volumes in total. you could speedread through it in like a day. it's short and sweet and i love it even with its flaws. why else would i b here writing dark n dai. anyways. point is. tysm. im holding u and all ur muses tight. i wont leave u!!!! im so glad i met u!!! uve done sm for me already and i wont forget it!!! MY SO TALENTED FRIEND!!!

[garden-bug]

ABOUT ME 🐞🦟🐛🪲🐜🪳🦋🪰🦗🐝

I am garden-bug and you can refer to me as such. I love bugs big and small but mostly big (unless I have a microscope handy which I literally don't guys I don't have a microscope). My favourite insects are praying mantids or ants and I have written too many essays that talk about ant symbolism.

I am a literature student and literature analysis is not my degree it is my lifestyle.

I am multi fandom. I will list fandoms I engage with, my takes and my fics below:

Star Wars

OG Trilogy: Amazing incredible

Prequels: Flawed but culturally relevant

Sequels: 💀💀

The Mandalorian: Seasons 1 & 2 changed my life but none as much as season 3 which I was so appalled by that I spent the summer of 2023 rewriting

Ahsoka: 💀💀

Thrawn 1st 2 trilogies: Literally space Sherlock Holmes I love the Thrawn trilogies (haven't read the original yet I know shock horror but idt I'd cope)

Clone Wars: Very cool, Ahsoka my beloved. Darth Maul.

Anything not mentioned I either haven't seen, abhorred, or forgot what happened in.

My other takes:

New Star Wars is kinda… trash??

I do not like Dave Filoni's writing or his mando-verse or whatever he's calling it.

Ezra and Thrawn space adventures forever in our hearts 💔

Thrawn is an anti-villain guys.

Ships:

I wish I could ship Shin x Sabine but I've seen brick walls with more chemistry.

Thranto

DINLUKE!!!

My Fics:

Mandalorian S3 (+ Ahsoka series rewrite):

Force-school crack fic:

One Piece

I am on WATER SEVEN! I love Franky with my whole life and Iceberg is a beautiful man. Finished Dressrosa for Doflamingo and Law and Corazon. I cried. I’m kind of skipping around honestly because I’ve pretty much had everything spoiled I just pick an episode and go.

Ships

Zolu and Lawlu on the aroace spectrum my beloved 💞💞

Not been convinced by Zosan...

FROBIN!!

Oh my god dofuwani

Other takes:

I LOVE OPLA! It stole my heart. OPLA cast my beloved. So good. Amazing. Even my mum loved it.

Yes it’s a little different to the manga/anime and misses some details, but I think it does a brilliant job for what it is, capturing the essence of One Piece and making it more accessible to a wider audience. You would not catch my mum watching the anime that’s all I’m saying.

Crocodad/Crocomom is real idc

The one piece is real

My fics:

This was meant to be a silly genderbend dofuwani fic but it derailed significantly. Now it’s like 30k, Croco’s got a traumatic backstory, Luffy abandonment complex origin story *spoilers: crocomom*, Doffy has some gender realisations, fem dofuwani has taken over my brain like a fungus, it’s also somehow just really really fun to write.

Death Note

I don't interact with this fandom much because my takes are shaped by my AU so I literally relate to nothing. Death Note has be in a constant choke-hold just always like it’s always there in the back of my mind. I think it made me who I am. Uhh help.

Ships:

Not a lawlight shipper. Light was mean and evil and L deserved better 11yr old me was distraught and my feelings have never changed.

L x Lola (OC)

In my AU Near and Mello are raised as siblings so their ship kinda freaks me out.

Idc abt Matt I never even wrote him into my fic (rip).

Mello x Halle my beloved. I love when two bisexuals fall in love.

Other takes:

The manga is better.

The anime deserves a re-adaptation??

Near is my absolute favourite fictional character ever (genuinely do not know why huh) he is so annoying and I adore him.

Mello didn't die what L and Lola saved him.

My Fics:

I wrote this when I was 12 but it is the basis for my AU and deserves all the honorary mentions:

Jujutsu Kaisen

WHAT THE FUCK -

My fics:

Cosy one-shots basically:

Bungou Stray Dogs

Chaos shambled disarray that somehow I enjoy.

Pisses me off but it has its moments.

Ships:

Sokoku is my all time absolute favourite ship ever of all time. Yeah no it still is I just checked.

My fics:

Dazai and Chuuya get hit by a tsunami oh no they have to face their tumultuous feelings for each other (spiral) and accidentally adopt/rescue a small child:

Ninjago

JUMP UP KICK BACK WHIP AORUND AN D SHPIN -

I love Ninjago. Lloyd my beloved. Zane is me fr.

Ships:

Jaya

Zane/Pixal

Kai/Skylor

Llorumi is a NO Harumi is an irredeemable monster and you cannot convince me otherwise. My sweet Lloyd deserves better.

I don't ship any of the ninja with each other ESPECIALLY not with Lloyd the age thing is a mess.

Images used in the ninjago memes are from Pinterest and saved to this board under the ‘I’m gonna make memes’ section: https://pin.it/4rN3gIj

[pashminalamb]

I-I have something to confess about Itoshi Rin. I think what I'm about to say are spoilers so please, feel free to skip my ask 🙇.

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I used to despise him. LOATHE HIM EVEN. Like how could he do that to my sweet summer child, Isagi ;;;; (I was rooting for him during that one arc where they need to form a group of 3 members or more in order to proceed) He frickin destroyed him, crushed him to the point where I thought Isagi is going to have a hard time motivating himself to get back up. (I'm glad he found a way after what transpired that day :3)

I thought my perspective around Rin will forever be filled with hate and anger but the moment he decided to trash talk the opposing team in English, I laughed my ass off so hard XDDD and my hate towards him somehow became low and lower as the story progresses (finding it weird as I reminisce the memory rn)

After catching up in the manga, I concluded that his straightforward personality is the reason why I like him so much 💙. 'Gotta admit that his straightforwardness and sometimes criticisms/constructive criticism (although unsolicited at times), is something I can accept to learn and improve what's lacking about me. Suddenly finding myself rooting for him the most in the recent games (especially U20 arc), I was very worried when he entered his flow... 'Is he hurting himself?? Is he okay? Please be alright Rin! (●´⌓`●)' thoughts like that entered my mind and.. thinking about it right now, I'm fucking embarrassed (////////) because most fics that I've read utilized Rin's flow side for smut fics.

Honestly? even i hated Sae. Rin was second to follow- but Sae really did overtake him in that aspect including Oliver when i found out about him

But uh... yeah rin does have a major character development; and honestly, mangas do inspire you to change as a person; i got most of my inspo from Ayuzawa Misaki - from bllk... hm... someone who inspired me has to be Naruhaya - he is underrated honestly, he didn't have much time in the manga but he is really sweet- and so did Oliver cause i was so spot on abt his character - a reason why we would be a couple

and Kunigami, but not quite. Happy reading with the Rin fics! 0^^0

[amphibifish]

okk im answering a maloki 30 questions thing cause…. i need to talk abt it n why not?

1. How did you get into the fandom? I forgot how i initially found maloki, but i remember wanting to get into more norse mythology media after researching the myths for a few months. then i found it and it was the first thing my brain latched onto so now... we're here !!!

2. Favourite character? Oh i dont know.... maybe Heimdall..... just maybe...... and anime!Hel, i don't care for her manga counterpart since they're so diff lol

3. Least favourite character? idk none of them really stick out to me as being awful so much i hate them, theyve all got their charm.. baldr, ig ? i dont care abt him..

4. Favourite series? (Out of the original, Ragnarok or Shin Sekai no Kamigami.) ragnarok or shin sekai. ragnarok i think is fun and shin sekai i like just because it gets really heim centric lol the og series gets on my nerves....... its just sooo bad. its just awful.

5. Favourite case? (Since Matantei Loki doesn't give names to the cases, you can describe the case instead of trying to pinpoint it. However, if you can remember which chapter/episode it came from, that would also be good.) I keep forgetting that this is a detective series, and also i try not to reread the original because it really sucks more than usual imo, so idk

6. Least favourite case? see above

7. Most heartwarming moment? episode 24 of the anime,,, hel's plotline is honestly the most well written out of the entire series..

8. What didn't you like about the series? i have an entire post where i just complain to mutual rosquinn, but basically the many plotholes, the misogyny, the weird relationships that keep getting pushed, the amount of weird comments made abt mayura, the character development for heim in the manga which is basically him getting worse and not acknowledging anything at all in the plot for the sake of being evil... the anime is so much better abt this, but freya had so much potential there that was just lost :/

9. Favourite comic relief character? Freyr & Freya

10. Favourite song from the series? idk i don't pay that much attention to the sound traack

11. Would you like the English translation to cover everything in the Matantei Loki manga canon? The people responsible won't know what you said, but you can still voice your opinion. yes?

12. If they made a movie out of the series what would you like the movie to be about? ragnarok's plotline could work nicely in movie format i think.

13. Who would you most like to meet out of the cast? probably Mayura or Koutaro. being in the presence of some sort of god would have me stressed ok. i think frey and freyja might be chill tho

14. What kind of crossover would you like to happen with Matantei Loki? the tv show supernatural because that would be funny and my friends like spn

15. Do you think the manga will ever cover what happened to Heimdall's right eye? (If you saw only the anime, you can't answer this.) This is explained? I guess showing the actual event, it's very vague on how it really went down.

16. What song do you think suits Matantei Loki best? fighter - jack stauber matches a lot of the chars i think. doesnt necessarily fit though.

17. Manga or anime? If anime, fansub or fandub? Sub or dub? anime, i prefer the eng dub just because i think its funnier lol

18. Do you think Sakura Kinoshita could have added something to make the series (as a whole) better? If so, what could she have added? there's so many things to be fixed this list would go on forever.. as one thing though, i really don't think there should be as many romantic subplots as there is, esp if they're all going to be loki centered. it just gets annoying

19. Favourite quote? Freyr's "Nice one, Heimdall! It might be copyright infringement but it's working!" is very funny to me.

20. Favourite moment in the series? (It can't be the same as no. 7 though.) hard to choose, but maybe the part where its revealed heim got revived to help hel in the anime? or the part where heim almost gets murdered in his sleep i just like seeing heim be evil.

21. Least favourite moment in the series? The part where Narugami tells loki to look at mayura's boobs and generally loki being a freak abt this. This chapter is majority the reason i despise the og series. it is so awful. it makes me throw up. also the part where heim and loki each kiss mayura. literally what. what. what. im going to throw ten million hammers (mjolnirs) at you.

22. Do you think Tactics is better or worse than Matantei Loki? If you don't know about Tactics, which series would you say is similar to Matantei Loki? don't know tactics but in supernatural they;re also hunting creatures and killing them.

23. Despite Matantei Loki being shonen, do you think it would benefit if it were a shojo series? i dont know enough manga/anime terms to answer this ^^''   

24. Do you think Kantarou of Tactics (if you don't know who I'm talking about, Google him) was deliberately made to look like Loki? i don't really see it all that much.

25. If you could add one character to the series, what kind of character would it be? Do you have a name decided for the character - if so, what's their name? i think skathi from the myths would work great as another antagonist, esp. as she is the only other aesir that has the kenning of "loki's foe". (Heim is the other one)

26. Did you even want to learn about Norse mythology after seeing/reading the series? the reverse, I only got into maloki because I like norse mythology.

27. How well do you think Matantei Loki teaches people about Norse mythology? Not at all, but better than other popular media based off of norse mythology (cough cough marvel). I think a lot of its base is pretty accurate though, save a few things here and there (such as heimdall being god of tactics and dawn? straight up wrong and incorrect and false and not true.)

28. Do you think the portrayals of Loki in Marvel Comics/the movie Thor/Norse mythology etc. are incorrect now that you've seen/read Matantei Loki? They're both just diff interpretations and portrayals. I'd say they're equally incorrect but maloki gets extra points for keeping Loki's family tree accurate because that is such a pet peeve of mine.

29. What do you first think of when the name Loki or Thor is mentioned? the guys from the mythology.

30. What do you think the ending will be like? Or do you not want it to end at all? Uhh heim gets his shit rocked and his ass kicked again. iirc odin comes back? don't really know much else but i know loki gets the eye staff at some point, he's the protagonist after all. I reckon baldr gets stopped and the valkeryies are freed. Odin gets placed as king again.

[anissapierce]

I like how in the live action the keikos familys ramen shop played a bigger role than in the manga (... Or .. anime? Id need to rewatch but im pretty sure) it kinda helps add a bit of texture to both keiko and yusuke.

Also the line abt wrestling lessons is fun bc its a reminder tht like her and yusuke were childhood friends n he was probably roughhousing already so he gave her lessons. In the manga (and anime?)

We see keiko being more proficient at fighting off the horde than botan (and keiko even makes a joke abt tht.) And yusuke i rlly believe wasnt worried abt her bc he knew a. Hed win b. That keiko could hold her own. So that was a nice way to show that in a truncated way.

Rest under readmore bc i got chatty

Theres no sexual harassment in the live action (n tbh was very little in the manga not defending it just saying.... The first fifty chapters had him flip her skirt up once and grope her in kuwabaras body) which is great.

And yeah unfortunately even though this is closer to the manga in certain parts, they make yusuke more sympathetic by having him help save a guy in the beginning. The manga has like two chapters focused on the sane character and yusuke helping him and talking about how hes helped him in the past. But obviously the tv show didn't have that. So i dont think its too far a departure of his character. A lot of us knowing yusuke as a character in the beginning of the manga came from being a ghost. Its His idea to help the people and its not about his spirit egg or anything he just wants to help.

When he hears a girl ghosts alive supposed boyfriend was talking shit and was actually a terrible guy. He takes her out on a bunch of fun outings bc he feels thats what she deserved bc that dude was a dick.

He does sth similar w an even younger girl ghost like he promises to be her playmate so shed stop trying to make this living little boy into her forever playmate. Like hes sweet n goofy in the manga, so im not mad that hes saving someone he didnt in the beginning of the show.

I think they did a good job truncating everything and yeah its not as emotional as a manga or anime would b bc of the time constraints. Like i dont understand this fan criticism of 'why wasnt there more' so like....ur refusing to admit its good ...but you want more? It only feels rushed bc you want it be like sailor moon crystal live action instead of viewing it as pretty guardian sailor moon.

[everythingsinred]

random midnight ramblings but.... its tragic how difficult it is to effectively pull off a jealous!mikan plot in au fanfics, not bc mikan hasnt been jealous (bc she HAS and HOW) but bc natsume is so devastatingly a one-girl-only kind of guy that its hard to put him in a realistic situation where mikan would be jealous in a meaningful way.

like in the sports fest arc, natsume is forced into pretending to date (?) luna. he holds her hand and spends all his time with her, meaning that mikan HAS to confront her feelings in a way she didnt have to before. its a pretty big deal in terms of her storyline, but natsume had to be forced into that situation for it to actually play out. otherwise, he'd never leave mikan's side.

and that's pretty much the biggest problem for fanfic writers who wanna explore that aspect of jealousy: how to realistically have that storyline play out in a world where natsume is not in the da class/a child soldier. how to get natsume, who is ultimately only interested in mikan when it comes to romance, to even glance at another girl without it being forced.

it's very weird to think about and i think it's part of the reason why i've never really liked the idea of natsume having ex-girlfriends who actually meant something. narratively, i'd honestly rather have natsume be a playboy and y'all know i dislike playboy!natsume so much.... at least if it's some sort of ridiculous serial dating without any real feelings involved it stays true to natsume's unique devotion to mikan. i still don't like it but ig if i had to choose...

so yeah it's a weird and tricky situation and i get it, fellow fic writers.... it's so hard. bc i LOOOOVE mikan's jealousy so much but it's so hard to make it come about in a natural way that stays true to natsume's character.

[cocksuki2]

I’m glad you made this blog! I actually really didn’t mind when you talked on your main too.

Also since I guess we’re sharing things, I feel like I’m the only person who ships Denki and Power :( like I know they’re just friends BUT ITS JUST SO PERFECT??? LIKE THERES NO FICS ABOUT THEM, no ppl talking and it suckssss bc I just want someone to confirm I’m not crazy for thinking they have chemistry

hehe im glad to hear that!!! honestly, it wasn't so much a matter of people minding me talking abt myself and my life but moreso wanting to connect a little better with people who like the same things as me.

plus... that blog has a rather large audience and it makes me nervous to be myself 😭😭😭 it's quite a few people listening to little old me talk and I'm actually a rather private person (or i prefer to be). i didn't like the way it felt to blast opinions and personal stuff to that many people.

also.... ur not WRONG. i really really love denji and power platonically but I've also said before that they could have fucked and i would have been more than fine with it. they're also both just SO HOT like.... idk they could have platonic fucked and i wouldn't have been mad.

personally, i just really like them as siblings/besties though. like yes, they might have chemistry but it makes sense from a narrative sense that denji has people in his life like family. the whole manga poses the question of love and human connection in a world that seems to want to tear those things apart. it's about how love changes things (with an emphasis on familial love).

denji grew up without a proper family and in extreme poverty, aki lost his family young, and power is a devil with no real concept of family. these three come together and become each other's family and it quite literally changes their entire perspective on the world. for the first time (in either forever or a very long time) they experience unconditional, familial love with no strings or conditions. they are free to love each other, support each other, and be there for each other.

not to mention, the manga also focuses on inherent power imbalances present in sexual desire. denji wants makima who uses that desire to her advantage, himeno tries to have sex with him as a superior (and adult) and only when she draws boundaries does their relationship become equal, reze seduces denji in order to kill him and uses his affection and sexual desire against him. that manga talks a lot about sexuality in exchange for things and sexuality as a social currency (i mean, they literally use sexual favors as a currency for denji). all of denji's sexual desires and relationships have some underlying power dynamic that is pivotal to the story. so like... idk im just personally very much on the platonic denji and power train, if only because denji and power both deserve familial love free of the currency sexuality provides within the story.

[megacarapa]

bro u already got me into munou na nana and if u keep hyping up yugami-kun we're gonna be 2 for 2 here, autistic coded manga boys r like crack to me

honestly dude all i can say is that in the 4-ish day span that i was reading yugami for the first time all i did was read yugami and when i wasnt doing that i was wishing i was reading yugami dgdjjf like it grabbed me THAT HARD, its really rare that i get so invested in a manga (or anything else) that all i wanna do is read it all day

like the first few chapters i already thought damn this is really funny but then at the beginning of vol2 you get a mini arc where yugami gets a love letter and you just get to see the whole situation play out like his reaction to it and the way he deals with it and then i was like damn this is still really funny but also just really good characterization??? and thats the point the series really hooked me; the point is I REALLY LOVE IT OK

also i REALLY hope it gets an english release in the future cause i just wanna buy all the volumes n put them all on my shelf n read them whenever i want SO FUCKING BAD

[kag-san]

@inuvember: day 25

au weekend: reversed roles

[writingssummit]

Hi I just read you’re tsukishima story and it was so cute omg but I have an idea

Let’s say y/n has a huge crush on tsukishima since they were children right. But tsukishima never rlly liked y/n in that way. So he would always like be kinda aggressive but like not in the physical way, like he would be cold to her whenever y/n would constantly say something abt them dating. In reality he did like her but he didn’t realize it. Then suddenly a new guy shows up, he’s like really handsome and he’s in a small band, he plays the bass. Y/n actually listens to that band and she was so excited so the two of them click really easy, that’s when she starts being distant with tsukishima and stops the talks abt them dating, tsukishima starts to miss everything y/n would say to him and he wanted to get y/n back, but when he tries he sees y/n and the guy sharing a peck 😔‼️ sorry if this was longgggg ugh

a/n: ahhh! I’m glad you thought so, haha! don’t worry about the length, specifics are always welcome! <3 this is a really good idea! i think it ended up on the longer side, but yk, more content is good? i also ended up naming him, so it’s easier to refer to him. i keep holding on to highschool settings i’m sorry LMAO- i haven’t finished season 4 and i’m not reading the manga yet :( but anyways, here’s a bit of angst/unrequited love to balance out my recent fluff posts !

asks/requests: open !

word count: 2.6k

warnings?: some angst/unrequited love

worth a try.

- TSUKISHIMA KEI -

growing up with tsukishima had been a whirlwind of experiences. ever since you had moved and transferred to his school the last year of primary school, you’d been drawn to him. the tall, blonde kid with glasses. you found his pride in volleyball admirable, and you even found him to be so much cooler than you ever would be.

you originally didn’t know anybody when you first moved, but you fit right in with both tsukishima and his own friend. it was a strange combination, but it worked somehow. while tsukishima was rude, and yamaguchi timid, you were loud and energetic. you were lively. you challenged him just for the fun of it, you poked and prodded, just having fun being around him.

you were his self-declared best friend.

looking back on it, you probably always had feelings for tsukishima. back in those days when you tried to get into volleyball yourself. wanting to be like him, you tried your best, but you weren’t all that good. he would make fun of you for it, but you weren’t bothered by settling for being supportive of him and your freckled friend. You were just as passionate as they were about it.

you were even there when that passion jaded. watched as he stared at his brother from across the game.

it was when you started junior high, that you came to the conclusion that you were in love with your friend. but unlike most people, you did nothing to hide it. why would you? you were always open, always honest and straight to the point. you just weren’t one to hide that.

“go out with me, tsukki!” you poked his side with a cheeky grin, your eyes bright. your friend wasted no time in rejecting you.

“no.”

“aw, you sure?”

“i would never date somebody so stupidly annoying.” you shook off the blatant insult, laughing instead with your hand on your neck. a small thing you picked up from your other friend. yamaguchi.

“you’ll come around one day!”

“i doubt that.”

it went on like that all throughout your remaining years until high school. a constant back and forth that became a schedule at that point.

it was decided that tsukishima would be going to karasuno, as would yamaguchi. and so would you. you would go where they go, you’d never thought about leaving them both. you’d stay with them as long as possible, holding on to their friendship like it was your lifeline..

and holding onto tsukishima even more so.

you were there with them on the first day, when they joined volleyball club. that first practice match against aoba johsai.

you weren’t always watching their practices, since you had your own club duties to attend to of course. but you always made sure to stop by the clubroom while the boys were getting ready, just to say hi to everyone and to a certain someone.

“hey, hey!” you poked your head from around the door, waving a hand. the team greeted you cheerfully enough, minus tsukishima. who looked annoyed to no end.

“tsukki, wanna go grab something to eat after your practice? i know a really great spot!”

he didn’t even look at you, only giving you the middle finger.

you laughed, shrugging. “worth a try.”

the first time the team had witnessed your very forward approach to asking the extremely salty and crude boy out, they were surprised. the way he turned you down so effortlessly too, threw them off. the added shock of anybody even liking him was the cherry on top.

“is this normal?” sugawara asked, a chuckle falling from his lips. asahi was beside him, sweatdropping at the sight of your affectionate display, and tsukishima’s obvious lack of reciprocation.

yamaguchi smiled awkwardly, nodding. “well- yeah, actually. It’s been happening for years.”

“i’d kill to have somebody all over me like that! lucky bastard!” tanaka held his fist up dramatically, as if clenching his heart in it. he even had a tear in the corner of his eye.

“well then, i’ll be on my way! good practice, everyone!” you chirped, finally leaving them.

“l/n’s got some serious determination.” tanaka whistled.

“misplaced determination. they won’t shut up about dating, it’s annoying.” tsukishima didn’t sound as impressed as his loud senpai was.

yamaguchi tilted his head to the side. “really? i would’ve thought tha-”

“shut up.”

a small laugh. “sorry, tsukki.”

it would forever continue, it seemed like. you never thought you’d give it up, you always knew that you liked tsukishima. your heart would pound, your stomach would feel fluttery. but even though you’ve been with him since you were children, it didn’t seem like he’d grown to feel the same. it would get you down sometimes, his mean and harsh words whenever you’d bring it up. either casually, or intentionally.

you couldn’t help being so hopelessly whipped!

you were walking down the sidewalk with yamaguchi and tsukishima, humming along to a new song that had been dropped recently. you were so into it, strumming your fingers like you were the one playing in the recording. tsukishima watched you with critical eyes, but yamaguchi watched as if this was entertaining.

“new song, l/n?” yamaguchi asked you, and you paused the music. you nodded right away, grinning.

“yeah! there’s this kind of new band I found a bit ago, i think around the time you guys met nekoma for that first practice match? their music is so cool!” you could go on and on about them, to be honest. they may be small, and very underground, but you liked them anyways.

“wahh, they sound cool- right, tsukki?” yamaguchi and you both looked behind at him, faces expecting the same sentiment.

he only scoffed.

you roll your eyes playfully, sidling up to him for the first time today. “you want to go get some ice cream, tsukki?” you wished, hoped for him to just say yes for once. your heart was begging at this point.

“get out of my face, l/n.” he said coldly.

with a defeated sigh, you walked a few steps quicker, before unpausing the music. the humming resumed, and yamaguchi glanced back and forth between you both with a weary expression.

“you could try to be a bit nicer, tsukki-”

“they can’t take a damn hint, it’s not my job to be nice about it.” He said stubbornly.

yamaguchi sighed himself, nodding along. there wasn’t a point in continuing the topic; he always shut it down whenever yamaguchi brought it up. he’s never been so aggressive about something before.

interhigh had come, taking up your friend’s time with it. you were upset that they’d be so busy now, but with the new tournament coming, came a new student.

he was friendly, and cheerful, and honestly probably one of the most charming people you’ve ever met in your life. he even looked familiar to you, like you’ve seen him somewhere before. you couldn’t figure it out, so you just opted to the conclusion you must have just passed him down the street at some point. or some strange case of deja vu? either way, he was in your class now.

you were just coming back from the bathroom, your earbuds plugged into your ears like they usually were nowadays.

“l/n, please take your earbuds out, it’s class time.” iour teacher scolded you gently, and you pouted a little. It was just getting to a good part-

you had tugged on them a little too hard, and instead of just getting them out of your ears, they came out of the headphone jack completely.

you were embarrassed as your new favorite band’s music started blasting out of the phone’s speakers, and you hurried to turn it off. You were blushing, laughing at yourself as you went to go sit back down.

ahh, dang! everyone heard that! you were just laughing at yourself in your head now.

there was a tap on your desk, and you turned your face towards the hand. it was the new kid, and his face looked bright.

“you listen to my band’s music?” he whispered to you, his face beaming, and you gasped quietly.

“is this you?” you pointed at your pocket, where your phone rested. he nodded.

“that’s so- wow, i go to school with one of the people in my favo-”

“l/n, do you have something to say about the lecture?”

you shook your head violently, holding back a huge grin. “n-no, miss!” your teacher sighed, and continued past the interruption.

the looks you both shared didn’t go unnoticed by tsukishima.

everyday now, you were hanging around the new kid. you had come to learn his name, which was ishiwaka teruo. you both had hit it off instantly, it was like you guys had known each other forever, and not just a few weeks. it was almost like some crazy twist of fate, or luck. you guys were both alike in a lot of ways, held similar passions, too.

“see you, ishi!” you waved a hand, grinning as he waved a goodbye back. you guys didn’t take the same way home, so he ended up leaving the opposite direction, while you walked with tsukishima and yamaguchi. you were humming again, one of ishiwaka’s band’s songs.

“you seem pretty happy, l/n.” yamaguchi chuckled, watching as you danced a little. 

“oh yeah, you bet! ishi actually invited me to sit in for one of his practices, isn’t that so cool? he plays the bass, and he even offered to teach me a few chords. i don’t really mess with instruments, but-”

“can you shut up about him? all you do is just yap on and on about this guy, hanging out with him isn’t enough for you? what’s so special anyways?” his tone was harsh, and condescending. “if you’re just going to talk about him all the time, i’m not walking with you guys anymore.” your eyes widened as soon as you heard what tsukishima had just said. your heart was pounding, like it had been caught in the act of something terrible. you even felt slightly ashamed.

“wow, nice, tsukki. sorry for being excited about something.” you muttered, clutching your bag straps tight. what did you expect at this point? he didn’t like you as much as you thought, if he was so ready to just leave you behind. yamaguchi sensed the tension between you both, which made him uncomfortable.

you were all quiet for the rest of the way home.

interhigh came and went, the loss against aoba johsai stung the volleyball team, leaving their spirits broken, and cracked. you hadn’t been to the game that day, busy with a certain band member. and your missing presence hadn’t been looked over.

“where were you?” tsukishima had confronted you in the hallways, while you were walking with ishiwaka to the water fountain. it was break, which meant he could freely talk to you now.

you looked away from him, a nervous air around you that wasn’t like you at all.

“i’m sorry i couldn’t make it, tsukki- i heard that you guys lost, and i’m really sorry i couldn’t have been there!” your words were careful and slow, like you were thinking on how to say the right thing to him.

the blonde closed his eyes, and looked off to the side. he didn’t look pleased in the slightest. “were you with your precious band member? like some kind of groupie.” 

ishiwaka raised an eyebrow, and you just shook your head. tsukishima was really doing this right now? you said sorry, what else were you supposed to say?

“you know what, yeah. i was with him. it’s not like..it’s not like i have to be around you or yamaguchi every second of the day, okay?” you sighed. “look, i’ll make it to your next practice, and skip my club activities. is that fine?”

he hesitated, before giving you a curt nod. you smiled in relief. “great! i’ll see you then. now, about that specific measure-”

you had left him behind, and tsukishima had been hit with a realization.

you hadn’t mentioned going on a date at all. not today, not even within the past few weeks. was something wrong with you? he’d gotten so used to that, but now even that wasn’t a constant.

it was like you were slipping away from him, day by day.

and he realized that he didn’t like that.

as the days went on, thoughts about this ran rampant through his mind. it was maddening, he was trying to focus on school, and now, as he was walking to the clubroom, volleyball. he was scarily silent, and yamaguchi caught onto it right away.

“tsukki?” he asked quietly, not wanting to push. but he wanted to know. ever since tsukishima had come back from break that day, he’d been acting strange. he was even saltier, if that was possible.

“am i not enough for l/n?” he spit out the question, like it was a disease.

taken aback, the freckled boy could only blink. the two stopped walking, looking right at each other now. “what?”

tsukishima barked out a laugh, running a hand over his face in frustration. “you heard me, yamaguchi.”

yamaguchi’s jaw dropped. “do you miss them?” was he for real? was this jealousy actually coming from tsukishima?

“hell if i know.” he muttered. but he knew the answer, and that’s what upset him.

“i knew it. tsukki, why did it have to be now, though?” he shook his head in disbelief. at the utter obliviousness of this boy. yamaguchi knew himself that there was something there in tsukishima, something resembling feelings for you. but of course it was when you were no longer always around that he saw it.

“what?”

“l/n isn’t a puppy anymore, they’re not following after you. if you haven’t noticed, they’ve given up. you need to do this yourself, and fix it.” yamaguchi stated. he wouldn’t be lying if he said that he’d been frustrated with the back and forth between you both, it was so obvious to him, but apparently not obvious to tsukishima. or you, for that matter.

“i know that.” he muttered. he would have to confront you about this. was he stupid? why didn’t he get this before? 

“then do something about it.”

tsukishima was quiet.

it was decided by him that he’d catch you outside of practice, since you said you’d be coming to watch. it was a quick, and impulsive decision from him, but he needed this to be figured out. his head was at it’s most unclear, and that was affecting him.

you were affecting him.

he looked around the outside of the gym, trying to see if he could spot you coming. it took a minute, before he saw a figure off to the side. it was you, he could tell by that bag anywhere. he stepped out, only to be met with the full picture.

you were with ishiwaka, and you were kissing him.

tsukishima hurried back into the gym with a stone-cold expression. oh. so this is where he stood now.

no longer at the top of your list, no longer important.

you walked into the gym, beaming. it angered tsukishima, more than he should have been. he yanked your arm, and held you by them with a vice grip. you looked up at your friend with nervous, maybe even scared eyes. you hadn’t seen tsukishima like this before.

“what is he to you?”

you blinked. “wh-what?”

“who is he to you? that little bass player.” his eyes were searching yours, for anything, anything that he could hold on to. you didn’t respond, only looking away from his intense stare.

your eyes didn’t hold that same look that they used to whenever you looked at him. 

he had his answer. and he didn’t like it. so he let go of you, maybe for real this time. things had changed so much, right under his nose. and he had let it happen.