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fishoutofcamelot · 4 years

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Yves Montand's les feuilles mortes is Merwen as Gwen ages and becomes old, memories flitting in and out of her consciousness as Merlin tends to her last moments on her death bed, her hand caressing his cheek as she says the final goodbye. Merlin clutches into her hand tight, his shoulders tremored as he sobs, losing his last friend and lover.

Dude it’s MY job to make people sad about Merwen! If you keep this up, I’ll be out of a job!!! And I can’t afford that in this tragic fandom economy.

Ngl tho, you’re absolutely right about the vibes. Although if I might add, I also kinda get a reincarnation vibe from it too.

The scene: France, 1947. WWII is finally over. Merlin, or Michon Epinette as he goes by now, is walking down a wet cobblestone street. His face is sullen. As he walks, hands stuffed into his pockets and head bowed, flashbacks are interjected into his mind. Brief snippets of his time in Camelot - meeting Arthur, hanging out with the knights, saving the kingdom. But above all, his time with Gwen. All the memories and laughs and tears they shared together.

The flashbacks increase in frequency the further along he comes, only now they’re all focusing on Arthur’s death, Leon and Gaius and Percival’s deaths, until only Merlin and Gwen remain. Until Gwen ages and dies too, until Merlin is left weeping over her dead body. But in none of the memories do any of their faces appear. The faces and appearances of his loved ones are just some of the many things he’s forgotten after all these years, much to his distress.

Merlin shakes his head to force the memories away, and enters a bar. It’s pretty empty. Everyone is fairly quiet aside from the clanking of glasses and occasional murmurs here and there - and on the stage, a slow, morose jazz performance.

He sits down at the bar and gets a drink, watching the performance and trying not to cry over how deeply the mournful lyrics speak to him. It’s the 1400-year anniversary of Gwen’s death, and it stings just as intensely now as it did back then.

The woman singing wears a yellow dress that is elegant yet simple, back exposed and black gloves deftly holding the microphone. Her own eyes are tearful, she herself affected by her own lyrics - Les Feuilles Mortes, now that he thinks about it - and if not for some impressive self-control then her elaborate makeup might have been running.

But looking at her face, her dark, gentle face and deep brown eyes, a most profound sense of deja vu settles into his gut. As if he should know her somehow.

But Merlin has lived for many, many years, and has met many, many people. If he’s met her before, he doesn’t remember, and likely never will. And besides, it was probably nothing important.

Still, the clenching of his heart pulls him to her. As if something terrible will happen, as if he’ll suffer a loss worse than he can ever imagine, if he doesn’t hold her in his arms this very moment.

Instead of sweeping her up and never letting go, Merlin waits for the song to end, politely applauds, and then greets her as she sits down at the bar stool next to him. Another performer walks onto the stage in her place.

They speak in French as she asks if she’s seen him before, a puzzled look creasing her features. He says that he’s just got one of those faces, and reaches out his hand to shake hers. He introduces himself using his current alias, Michon Epinette, but his ribcage screams at him to tell the truth. To tell her that his name is Merlin. He ignores the impulse.

She calls herself Guinevere Laurent, and oh how his heart aches at the familiarity of it. Another Guinevere, just as kind and soft as his own had once been. He commends her performance, admits that it had made him cry, and she tells him it has that effect on people - especially those who have recently suffered a loss.

Ms. Laurent asks him who he’s lost, then gets flustered as she apologizes for being so forward. He instead tells her that he lost a great deal of friends. Everyone he’s ever known and loved is dead now.

“The war?” she surmises.

“Yes,” he says, because while they’re not thinking about the same war it’s still true.

She sips from her cocktail glass. “I lost a great deal of friends to the war as well. My brother Elouan, my best friend Lazare, and my father Thomas. Normandy, all of them.”

He shrugs. “If they had to die at war, at least it was Normandy.” Then, flustering - “Oh no, I’m so sorry! That was so insensitive of me. I didn’t mean -”

Ms. Laurent - Guinevere - shakes her head. “It’s fine. You’re right, though. Normandy is...heroic. As good a place to die as any. I just...I just wish they hadn’t had to die in the first place.”

Merlin has nothing to say to that, so he doesn’t. And the two of them sit there at the bar counter, nursing their cocktails - which are, coincidentally, the exact same - and ruminate over their respective losses. Guinevere Laurent is likely thinking about the second world war, and Merlin is thinking about Camlann. And both of them are thinking about after. What happens next. Where they go from here, when everyone they care about is six feet under.

While the similarity in names is likely a coincidence, Merlin can’t help but feel drawn to this Guinevere too. She speaks and acts and feels so much like the one he lost that his chest burns with sorrow. But also, perhaps, with something else too. Something he hasn’t felt in a long time.

Hope.

Merlin ventures out his broken heart and cracks a joke, trying to lighten her spirits. For the life of him, he will never be able to remember what the joke is, but it does its job in making a tentative smile splash onto her face.

Warily, with an uneven and rough voice, she murmurs out a joke of her own. He won’t ever be able to remember that one, either, but he laughs just as quietly and genuinely as she did.

After an hour their laughter has transformed into something loud and unending, and it fills up the entire bar with an orange, jovial mood. Other people are talking amongst themselves with more liveliness than they had before, and now Merlin and Guinevere are not the only people smiling in here. Even the scrunched-faced bartender is cracking a grin.

It feels familiar. It feels like he’s been in this situation before - laughing with someone as loudly as possible to chase away their mutual pains, until their desperation turns into sincerity and sincerity into passion.

For one glorious evening, Merlin allows himself to exist in a fantasy world where Gwen isn’t dead, but sitting right next to him. It’s weird and wrong, for sure, but he can’t help pretending that Guinevere Laurent and Guinevere Pendragon are the same person.

The crowd raucously, drunkenly cries out to Guinevere for an encore, begging her to give them another song. She shakes her head and says she’s done for the night, and all her songs are too sad anyway, but the crowd remains insistent.

Merlin nudges her shoulder with his own. “You can do this, Gwen.”

And for some reason, just locking eyes with him is enough for her to acquiesce.

She dusts off her dress and reluctantly shuffles onto the stage once more, and the current performer steps aside to let her have the microphone.

Guinevere discusses something with the people manning the instruments, and after a moment they appear to reach an agreement of some kind.

As the music swells to life, she casts one final glance at Merlin. He nods encouragingly, and she nods back, then closes her eyes and begins.

“Je suis seul ce soir,” she sings in a soulful cadence.

He loses himself in the music, lets the medieval nostalgia consume him like a snake devouring a field mouse - and just as the snake’s venom strikes the mouse, so too does a heartbreaking realization strike Merlin.

He called her Gwen. He referred to Guinevere Laurent as Gwen, his Gwen.

But she’s not. She’s not his Gwen.

His Gwen is dead, and she’s not coming back.

Suddenly, the whole world flares harshly at him. The lights are too modern and bright, the music is too loud and lively, the crowd is too busy and young. And Guinevere Laurent stands on the stage, eyes closed as she sings from the heart.

And it’s not Gwen. It’s not Gwen, it’s not Gwen, it’s not Gwen, and the reminder of this truth is a slap to the face. Gwen didn’t dress like that, didn’t speak that language, didn’t sing in French bars or drink cheap cocktails.

Gwen died. She died in pain, and she died gasping for air, and she died pushing him away in fear because her senile mind could not recall who he was. She died afraid, surrounded by faces and places she didn’t recognize, tearfully asking for a brother who had been dead for decades.

But even despite with all the differences, Guinevere Laurent looks so horribly similar to Gwen, back when she was young and innocent. The similarities, the memories, are enough to shatter whatever shaky pieces of his heart he had managed to cobble together.

Merlin presses a trembling fist to his mouth as tears pierce their way through his eyes, clouding his vision and sapping his body of any resolve it might have had.

He fumbles out of the bar to get away from it all, lest the agony bubble out of him like blood. The cold air stings his cheeks, but the bitterness of it provides a momentary distraction from the memories left behind in the bar.

Determined to find some other hole-in-the-wall at which to drink and forget forget forget, Merlin stumbles away, not even bothering to wipe away the curtain of tears shuttering his face.

But back in the bar, Guinevere Laurent begins to remember things. As the melody holds up her heart, as the fondness that ‘Michon’ had born within her chest lifts her ever higher, flashes of a distant life spark in her mind.

A boy with an impish grin, stuck in the stocks but still shaking her hand. A young man with a colourful scarf, sitting on a hill and braiding flowers into her hair. A friend, back pressed to hers as they both hold swords and fight to defend their kingdom. A companion, holding her wrinkled hands and helping her get up the stairs.

The name whispers into her mind. Merlin.

But as the final notes of Seule Ce Soir rumble to an end, as Guinevere opens her eyes in the hopes of soaking in the rays of her old friend’s presence, she finds no sign of Michon - Merlin - and instead a vacancy in his place.

Thanks for the ask! <3

#long post #i shouldve added a read more line huh #well im too lazy to do it now so we'll just have to suffer through it #merwen #mergwen #bbc merlin #merlin bbc #merlin #bbcm #ask #fish post

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brandywine-tomatoes · 3 years

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Kyu Sakamoto - an excerpt

Literally just procrastination writing from yesterday. I created 2 badass lesbian ocs for the MCU (mainly Rogers, Barnes, and Wilson's stories) and now I have a 7-page outline...... been in the fandom for 3 days..... ANYWAYS

Masterlist

@icedcoffee101 and @dragon-pups pushed me to write this sad excerpt, so here you go everyone!

TW: sad/depressing thoughts, questioning existence for a hot second, honestly it's just really fucking depressing, but I love it nonetheless.

Word count: 1519

Prompt/Inso: my 7-page outline of badass lesbians that keep an eye on bucky when he's the winter soldier (this excerpt isn't about that tho)

QUICK NOTE: this is during the events of TFATWS, episode 5 I believe? And Grace is mute, so she uses sign language (tho she's only in the flashback). So yeah. Enjoy some sad angst!

“Well,” she picked up the leather bag from the chair, holding it up with a smirk. “I brought records.”

Bucky’s resting bitch face turned up into a small smile. The only person with a decent music taste thankfully brought records to Sam’s ‘let’s finally work on this fucking boat’ party with most of the neighbours and people owing favours. Everyone was milling around, fixing whatever they were assigned to fix and laughing in the cool bay breeze.

“I sure hope you have 60s stuff in that huge bag of yours,” he chuckled, walking past her up the dock to bring the record player from the shore. She held the heavy bag with one arm as she unzipped the zipper, an old and dusty smell escaping the inside and showing the spines of dozens of records.

“You pack all those just for us, Ash?” Sarah came up beside her, admiring all the casings.

“I found them stuffed in a closet back in Africa. I thought I’d revisit some old favourites,” she smiled at her.

Bucky and Sam came back down the dock with the record player in tow and an amp, talking with each other about god knows what. They set the gear down on a bench, plugging in the amp. The four of them dug into the bag, each of them taking out 2 or 3 records each to examine.

“Damn, you really like your slow songs, huh?” Sam spoke up, showing her the record covers in his hands were indeed black and white photos and words she didn’t understand.

She smiled brightly. “Yup! The 60s were the times of slow songs, the best ones.”

“I full-heartedly agree,” Bucky laughed. He slid a perfect disk out its paper cover and carefully placed it on the spindle, sliding over the needle to the first song ridge.

“I hope you picked something upbeat,” Sarah said.

The music flooded through the amp, the old-sounding and staticy bass vibrating through the deck and resonated in everyone’s hearts. People started taking their wives and husbands and kids to dance to the seemingly upbeat song.

Sasha just stared wide-eyed at the spinning disk, a long shoved down lump of unshed sobs pushing up her throat.

‘We don’t have anywhere else to go, we have the papers, and we have the rings,’ Grace signed quickly, pulling Sasha through the doorway gently and resting her hands on her waist, Sasha’s hands instinctively moving to behind her neck.

“All we need is a song, Graceless,” she smiled softly, mesmerized by her new wife’s radiating happiness and her beautiful smile that could seemingly never be darkened. The white curtains blew gently in front of the open window by their records, the moon's soft glow flooding the hardwood floors the only light they needed.

She nodded in return. Grace pulled away and walked to their stack of brand-new records, picking the one off the top and putting the needle of the travel-sized player on the first song.

‘We better thank him for his demos,’ Grace signed, then extended a hand to her wife. Sasha smiled so brightly as she took it.

“The neighbours will have a fit, it’s 3 o’clock in the morning,” Sasha whispered, putting her chin on Grace’s shoulder and started swaying slowly with one hand lightly holding Grace’s and another around her arm.

‘Doesn’t matter,’ Grace tapped on her shoulder in a familiar rhythm.

She sighed in contentment. Why couldn’t every day be like this, nothing to worry about other than what song to choose, no people to run after, no running from Hydra. Just the soft blowing of curtains and Kyu Sakamoto on their travel record player.

“If you say so, Ana.”

“Ash, you alright? You look like you’re about to cry,” Sarah laughed awkwardly and put a hand on Sasha’s shoulder, bringing her back from her wedding night. The others started to notice the reddening of her eyes and the shaking of her hands.

She walked away from the 3 of them, vaguely registering someone's failed attempt at reaching out to grab her wrist.

She couldn’t cry here, not in front of people she didn’t know and wouldn’t understand. She picked up the pace, the dammed river behind her eyes becoming unbearable to keep holding up. Soon enough she was running up the green hill leading to Sam’s house with no intention of stopping until she was with the love of her life again. Running might get her there, it might get her back in her arms, swaying softly to Kyu Sakamoto back in Africa.

She ran across the street of the empty house, bursting through the green forest and didn’t stop. The stray tears escaping her eyes were pushed past her face from the wind, clouding her eyesight.

“What was that?” Sarah asking, concern evident on her face.

Bucky sighed in realization of what he did. He dropped his face into his hands groaning. “Shit.”

“What-”

He started walking up the dock to make up for lost time. He shouted back to his friends, “It’s her god damn wedding song.”

“Oh shit,” Sam whispered. He didn’t know much about Sasha or her history, but he remembers her and her deceased wife, how much they loved each other. He couldn’t even begin to imagine what force would be able to pull them apart. They were both super-soldiers, they lived longer than Bucky or Steve had, they had more than half a century of camaraderie. She was off the grid for 7 years after her death. “Oh shit.”

“I didn’t know Sasha’s married,” Sarah tried to lighten the mood.

“It’s a long story.”

When Sasha finally collapsed in the dense forest, the light shining through the trees dimmed and turned the colour of the orange clouds above. Little streaks of light escaped the canopy and left little spots of highlighted roots or fallen leaves. Grace would try to step in every streak of light, sign that Sasha should help her find all the new tree sprouts and clear the leaves from around it to give it a fighting chance at survival.

She kneeled in the dirt beside an old and tall tree, the fabric of her jeans digging into the soft earth and the moisture seeping across her knees. The first sob she let go made her feel so weak and helpless, like a wounded puppy trying to fight its way off the streets. After that, she only thought of Grace coming up behind and hugging the life out of her, trying to make her feel as safe as possible. But she’d never feel the bone-crushing safety again, only the hollow and emptiness of her evaporated shadow.

She cried and sobbed and spread her tears around her face well into the darkness of night with only the moon to watch in pity. The sleeves of her white crew neck were dried with snot and dirt and pieces of bark from the tree she was leaning on. It was only a dent, a chip off the sorrow she felt, and it didn’t make her feel any better. Nothing would make her feel better.

Her legs were numb under her body, prickling like hundreds of needles were puncturing her skin. Her hands were rested in the dirt, fiddling with dried chucks as she stared out an open spot in the canopy. It was a clear night, a couple stars blinked back at her tired and puffy red eyes.

She was in the middle of thinking that sinking into the old tree supporting her side would solve her problems when the sound of leaves crunching beneath footsteps came closer and closer and eventually stopped just off to the side of her.

“I’m sorry, Sasha,” Bucky’s words were genuine. She stayed silent, grimacing at the change of sound. “I wasn’t thinking.”

She turned her head to look at him, a frown etched in his face as he took in the sight of how small she looked, how the whites of her eyes were clearly bloodshot, even visibly in the silver light.

“I hope you never find someone that makes you feel this way,” her voice was beyond strained and wavered at every word.

“Sasha-”

“Her real name was Anastasia, like the Grand Duchess. After Hydra tried to burn the warehouse down, we assumed other names,” she looked back to the canopy. “It meant resurrection.”

“Look-”

“I’m not coming back, James. This country has her blood smeared on its soil and I’ll never be able to forgive it.”

Bucky was surprised, to say the least. “We need you here, Sasha.”

She turned a cold and raging glare at him. “We helped you enough. We spent decades helping you. I’m done.”

She had a hard time using her numb legs to get up and the tree's roots around her didn’t help either. Bucky held out a hand for her to take. A last helping move before she left. He knew he wouldn't be able to talk her out of it.

She gripped his flesh hand tightly and hoisted herself up, steadying herself and shaking the blood back into her limbs. She nodded at his darkened face.

“Goodbye, James Barnes.”

A/N: WAS THAT SAD OR WHAT?! I teared up a couple times writing this, ngl. If y'all find this interesting, let me know! I need the motivation to write the real fic with Grace and Sasha alive, Sasha isn't always deep in a depressive state with Grace dead.

ANYWAYS! Go drink some water, go have a snack, take a break, you deserve it so much, I'm so proud of you for getting this far!! ❤️❤️

(The nickname 'Graceless' came from my friend Shae and her friend on Insta 💕💕)

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3elphie · 4 years

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let go ; oikawa tooru

→ pairing: oikawa x reader

→ summary: you are tired of oikawa’s bullshit

→ genre: angst!!! and fluff if you close your eyes shut

→ for more of my works click here!

→ author’s note: OUCHIE this was lowk for his bday ngl... but i am posting oikawa fluff on his bday so do not worry my loves! and by the way the slanted words in the beginning are flashbacks :0

what you felt right now bothered you immensely.

you regretted holding on to him. sure, you and oikawa had good moments in your relationship, teeth rotting moments. those are what kept you going. ever since december, you’ve been in and out of arguments. it goes three ways,

1. he pretends it doesn’t happen, and completely ignores the problem. that’s his way of fixing the problem.

you missed school. took a break for a day. you didn’t want to see him after the huge argument you had yesterday you were tired of fixing.

you get a text from oikawa after school had ended.

babyboy : why weren’t you at school today?

you : ... i was sick.

babyboy : awh, i’ll come over with food and medicine. wait for me, okay?

you : thanks babe, i love you so much.

you were a bit disappointed he didn’t address the problem. but, at least you didn’t have to cry about the argument. it was ‘fixed’.

2. you pretend you were at fault for the argument. you really weren’t, but you knew his pride was too big. your way of fixing the problem.

“why were you hanging out with iwaizumi so much during lunch?” oikawa says, clearly annoyed.

“we always play volleyball at the court, but today i couldn’t find you.” he sighs.

“it was his birthday today, oikawa.” you were confused, if anything oikawa should be spending the day with iwaizumi.

“that’s not an excuse, are you just a little whore who wants both me and iwaizumi? gosh.” your eyes open at the words, you jumped a bit at his tone.

you sigh, “sorry baby, i didn’t mean to. i won’t do it again.”

“good.” he goes back to studying the volleyball match.

3. you don’t fix the problem. that’s the position you were in right now.

“why does it seem like you don’t love me anymore.” oikawa says, in the middle of the night. you knew you had it coming. oikawa had been silent, leading to you doing the same.

“you barely contribute to the conversations we have, and fawn over anime boys. you know i can’t be like them right?” he let it out. you laughed in your head, he’s blaming me. ‘ah shit, here we go again’ you thought in your head.

“oikawa, i never knew you felt like that. why didn’t you tell me sooner?” you were being hypocritical. you should’ve told him you’ve been feeling like this for the past five months.

“i’ve given you so much chances,” you are amused by the words coming out of his mouth. in reality, you were the one who gave him the chances. all the terrible things he did to you, you concealed for the sake of you both.

“i’m so sorry, i’ve treated you so badly. i don’t deserve you.” you say the words you desperately wish he could’ve said to you, but never did.

“i’m so tired of you.” oikawa sighed and left, without saying goodbye. you finally let out a bitter smile. was he the one stayin up all night waiting for a message from you? no, you did that. was he the one who asked you to come over? no, you did that. you thought your eyebags and puffy eyes showed you’d had enough of his bullshit.

it all feels numb. doesn’t hurt anymore. the tears that fell out your eyes were just drops of water that had no purpose.

you wanted this to last so bad, so fucking bad. he gave you all your happiness, and you loved him oh so dearly. could you say the same for him though? no, you couldn’t.

going into the relationship, you were ecstatic. you didn’t think you were very pretty, to say the least. he’d be better off with one of your other friends. but, he choose you.

he says he’s so tired of it, so why hasn’t he broken it up yet? he’s just waiting there, thinking you’ll send him another message he can leave on read just like he did to the 8 messages you sent this morning. damn that big ego’d king. he was a king, and you were his slave. you gave him love as if you were giving him gold. he stated would split the gold with you. no fake gold.

but that was a lie. all just fucking lies. you knew you loved him more he did you. he most likely just came into the relationship because he felt lonely. but, you felt even lonelier in the relationship than you did out of it.

did you really waste all your time on him? you were disappointed in yourself. wasted all the times to speak your side of the story, just for the sake of the relationship. what a worthless effort you put in. now you’re stuck here. why did you have to pretend to be the bad guy. you should’ve knew, the fact you had to do that told the truth.

while you were doing all this thinking. what was he doing? who did he have lunch with? who did he spend all his time with even though you hadn’t broken up yet? not disappointed, you already see him flirting with another girl.

after days with this weight on your shoulders, weight that was not full of sadness, but a weight that told you you needed to fix this the only way it could be. you gather everything he gave you, with a box he gave you for your tenth anniversary. and you made a letter.

dear tooru oikawa,

i love you so much, too much to let go. but after recent events, i think i need to let go. i’m glad you have someone else on your mind already, i really hope you’re happy without me. yes, i think you can tell i’m breaking up with you. such a cheesy way to do it, i know. i think you know how cheesy i can get.

but, that’s not all. i have more things to say. i know it might be hard to process, because you can’t understand anything i say that makes you seem like the bad guy. i hurt too. you think i haven’t cried endlessly, every fucking night, just because of you. a scumbag like you. i’ve always had to pretend to be the bad guy, just to make this last. but my this, and your this is different. we were both bad guys oikawa. but what pains me the most, is not the fact that this is ending. it is the fact if you didn’t think you were so high and mighty, this could’ve worked. nonetheless, i hope it works out with her. by the way, never fucking speak to me again. thanks.

love, f/n l/n.

in this box, you put his hoodie, shirt, cologne, and the half assed letters he gave you. with the letter taped to the top, like cherry on top of an ice cream sundae.

you drive over to his house, knocking on his door. he opens it, with a shocked look on his face.

“what do you wan-” you stopped him from speaking, you didn’t want to hear him.

“i have two things to say.” you take a deep breath,

“i love you,” he scoffs at your words.

“yeah righ-” you stop him again.

“and fuck you.” with that you gave him the box, and left him standing there, it felt so good, but so bad. he looked at you, driving away into the fog that clouded the area. he knew it was coming as well, but he didn’t think he would be the one left crying about it. you finally let go.

#oh my fucking god #this lowk from personal exp ouchie #haikyu!!#haikyuu!!#haikyuu fic #haikyuu imagine #haikyuu oneshot #haikyuu angst #oikawa tooru #oikawa #oikawa fic #oikawa imagine #oikawa oneshot #oikawa headcanons #haikyuu headcanons #oikawa break up

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allkinds-oftrash · 3 years

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Ya girl is watching the latest HSM series ep and Imma live blog it hshshs and will add my reactions under the cut so it doesn't end up a long post. Anyways, let's goo:

AHHHH THE MORNING SHOW WITH GINA AND EJ WE LOVE TO SEE IT

They really said we're gonna let life imitate art with Nini and Olivia huh

Ricky was SUPPORTIVE??? Damnn I really thought we gonna get a classic Ricky tantrum....

But also wow sir that sounds salty and should definitely talk to someone abt how you're feeling...A therapist maybe 👀

I know we needed to contextualise how Ricky felt abt the song but I really wanted to see Nini's interview in full!!

Sebby you're so cute I do wanna see yall do DEH

Shjshshs not the rights not being available for another 5 years 😭😭

I dunno how they're in great shape and closer to the Menkies Gold after not having a single proper rehearsal, but go off Miss Jenn

Omg honestly Kourt's costumes are always amazing and on point Imma excited to see it

Kourt is such a simp we love to see it

Carlos is so pissy this episode we love to see it shshhs

Also love the way Seb calms him down and keeps him nice it's such a funny dynamic

"We had 20 people make our Belle dress over 50 hours" Okay North High shut the fuck up

I'm calling it now the reason North High knows so much is cos Howie is the leak and Kourt has been unwittingly telling him. The way her phone keeps going off as they discuss how North High knows everything is really good foreshadowing if my prediction is right

Also like her phone went off just as Carlos said "How did they know that?" THAT'S PEAK FORESHADOWING

If Howie ain't in North High, I dunno what Tim is doing

GSJAGSHAH KOURTNEY MAKING ABS FOR EJ I CANNOT

"I have abs" We know sweetie

"I PADDED THE THUSH FOR YOU" "AWW THANKS KOURT I NEEDED THAT" THIS INTERACTION IS EVERYTHING THAT WAS SO FUNNY!! I love that it is now canon that EJ has abs but no butt love that for him

Okay but like damn these costumes are great!! North High can fuck right off with its high end ones I just wanna see lowkey homemade costumes by students; I'd watch a Broadway show if I wanted to see professional costumes okay

Damn Carlos has killer eyesight clocking in that mask in the trunk

GINA BBY DON'T SAY THAT AND HAHSGSH NINI NUDGING HER WAS SO FUNNY

Nini's little look over at Gina was like "Omg you guys my girlfriend is so cute and dumb" GINI STANS HOW WE FEELING?

Miss Jenn don't be that naive, your boyfriend probably put them up to it

That Insta page is prophetic with their timing tbh; all the info is a leak obviously looking at your Howie but like the timing of it all. Those kiddos don't know that they are discussing the stolen mask at this exact moment (Kourt has put down her phone after Carlos snapped at her so Howie doesn't know they are talking abt it rn)

"We don't dance with the enemy" *cuts to her dancing with Zackey later*

SEBBY WEARING THE TEACUP COSTUME OMG HE'S GOING MAKE SUCH A CUTE CHIP (yes I am still mad Seb/Joe was robbed but Imma fangirl over the costume anyway)

Wtf why does North High look so expensive - they are literally in the same district as East High right??? How did they get this much funding

North High is a very artsy and rich for a public school; they should have had Nini go here instead of YAC tbh (like this campus feels like what YAC should have been) NOW THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN AN INTERESTING STORYLINE

Seblos' dynamic IS ON POINT THIS EP I really love my bois so much and their back and forth is hilarious

Shhshs DIANE who loves volleyball and North High okay I totally believe it

WHY ARE RED AND ASHLYN SO KINKY EVERY DAMN EPISODE TIM THESE ARE UNDERAGED CHARACTERS STOP IT

Shshsh we love Gina knowing herself and practicing self control by volunteering to be the lookout

Omg yall listen to Carlos and stfu they are so lucky no one saw or heard them yelling Wildcats

Oh no no no no no Miss Jenn you gonna get sucked in; this is gonna be so messy

Omg I saw someone post about this scene before I watched the ep YALL ARE RIGHT THAT BOI HITTING ON GINA IS SO FINE Babes go for that one, not EJ

NOT THEM FAKE DATING UGH E W TIM STOP MAKING ROMANTIC PORTWELL A T H I N G I honestly do not understand how some of yall can ship it romantically knowing Sofia is a whole underaged babey and Matty is a whole ass grown man - like I get the appeal of the Wonderstudies getting together and they do have chemistry but the irl age gap is creepy and outweighs the appeal of shipping them romantically

As I always say; Portwell/Wonderstudies should be a BROTP not an OTP

Ugh Brotp Portwell would have clocked Lily right away; romantic Portwell making googly eyes at each other isn't helping anyone

Living for Nini getting the recognition she deserves - I really like her solo arc this season she's so much more interesting without Ricky tbh

Aww Kourt you simp I love her and I'm so happy she's happy I wanna be wrong about Howie being a North High kid

Where is the mask??

OHMYGOD THESE KIDS COMING IN LIKE A HORROR MOVIE

Lily really wishes she was Jesse St. James huh; you could never Lily so stop

Andrew Barth Feldman and his cute little French accent I love him so much

Hnng Miss Jenn gonna get manipulated by this hoe. Omg wowow Zackey really is a hoe, making out with another girl before the show THE AUDACITY OF HIM SAYING MISS JENN WASN'T GOOD ENOUGH I WILL THROW HANDS WITH THIS MOFO

Wait the kids didn't steal it BUT WHAT IF ZACKEY DID

Ssjsgfajhdfg I CANNOT WITH ANDREW'S ACCENT but I can't tell if its really bad or really good but I'm also confused why didn't they just cast a French person as Antonie shshhs Antoine is adorableee and a little shit the best type of character

Lily is so annoying b y e sis bye and Olivia Keegan is talented I just wish they didn't make her character such a cartoony villain type

"How about if we bop to the top" SEBBY I LOVE YOU AND NEVER STOP BEING SO CUTE I SWEAR and Awww Carlos called him Honey I am s o f t

Hnng why do these fools are really gonna give into North High calling them chickens

OHHH NO SHE DIDN'T JUST SAY THAT ABOUT ASHLYN FUCK A DANCE OFF I AM ABOUT TO THROW HANDS WITH A 16 YEAR OLD

"She told us not to dance with the enemy. She's better than this" No Sebby, she's not *cuts to her dancing with Zackey* AND OMG THE WAY I SAW THIS EDIT COMING BEFORE IT CAME

Ooooh I like this song wayyy more whatever the mess The Mob Song became (when I first heard it drop on Spotify yesterday) Around You is such a great song musically and lyrically very relevant to these two and gosh I love their voices together

They have so much chemistry damn, go home Mike (well he technically has oop) and Mr. Mazzara

YES YOU DO MISS JENN YOU ALWAYS HAD IT

Oh god this is the scene from the trailer; she's gonna make a move on Ricky isn't she?? Leave him alone Lily he doesn't need a 3rd girl to be confused about he needs a therapist

Lily shut the fuck up with quasi; STOP TRYING TO MAKE QUASI HAPPEN

"I love Nini's song" Sure, Jan.

...Okay yes you should have called him out but don't bait him LIKE THAT oop there's the scene from the trailer

Ohmygod is Andrew Barth Feldman gonna hit on Ashlyn

Okay this is so cute but also I am VERY annoyed with the way this show handles its characters like they aren't relevant or important unless they get into a relationship or a love triangle?? That's such a shitty way to give out screentime and arcs to characters. Is it not enough to develop the characters on their own and strengthen their friendship???

HUH TIM why you so obsessed with compulsory heterosexuality??(well also homosexuality for Seblos but they are the only ones I'm not annoyed with their relationship cos its a hella big step for Disney to have a gay couple and their relationship isn't in our faces or overshadows the plot and its just spinkles of cuteness every time they interact - they are honestly who Rini wishes they were; besties in love. They are a couple that Tim should be taking notes from; leave the relationship drama in the background, focus on the theatre and friendship aspect of everything)

My mini rant aside; this is a very adorable interaction between Ashlyn and Antoine.

"TOM HOLLAND ON STILTS" GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE WITH THAT COMPARISON I AM SCREAMING ANTOINE THAT'S SO FUNNY

This is so funny he keeps picking out the hottest guys of the group; as if he himself isn't the French version of Big Red they look super alike ngl shshsh

WHY YOU RUIN IT WITH THAT ANTOINE I WAS ROOTING FOR YOU

Drama between Antoine and Red is already spicing up shshsh I cannot

Why are you so dramatic with the shuffle Lily gtfo of here...also this doesn't make sense?? She wasn't even on a BATB playlist; what if a non BATB song came on ahahah

Good to know they aren't big fans of The Mob Song like I am Awww EJ you cutie, okay I will appreciate the OG Mob Song just for you

OH WAIT HE PROLLY LIKES IT COS ITS A GASTON LED SONG TIM GIMME THE EJ SOLO I DESERVE IN THIS NUMBER

I'm being robbed of Gaston for the last 7 eps I at least deserve an EJ solo for compensation

The way the set looks straight out of Broadway but also like omg the blue lighting and fancy stage gave me intense flashbacks to that Glee episode where Vocal Adrenaline sang Bohemian Rhapsody

RICKY STOP BEING SALTY AND ACTUALLY COMMUNICATE WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND LIKE A NORMAL PERSON

OMG THE SUBTITLES SAID ITS HOWIE SINGING AS THE BEAST I FUCKING CALLED IT

Howie you hoe you gonna break my girl Kourtney's heart

Yeah...still not a fan of Antoine's Dance Remix

Yall know Gina would kill the dance number if she wasn't wearing that fit

Okay but it's Gaston led song WHY DOES EVERYONE BUT EJ HAVE A SOLO IN THIS SONG??

First the Beasts led it (Howie sounded better than Ricky ngl), then the Lumieres (their voices worked hella well together; I always forget what a talented singer Frankie is THEY NEED TO GIVE HIM A SOLO SONG) and now the Belles are going at it (Ashlyn's voice is superior)

BIG RED BEING JEALOUS AND SALTY IS SO FUNNY ITS LIKE A PUPPY BEING ANGRY I CRI

...Did anyone really win, Lily??? STFU

CARLOS IS RIGHT AND HE SHOULD SAY IT

Oooh I did see someone talk about this when the Rose Song dropped last week, apparently its illegal to add songs to a musical you're doing for a school play; I really thought the show would brush past that irl rule but I guess they are playing into it

THE WAY EVERYONE TURNED TO EJ FOR THE SPORTS METAPHOR I AM D Y I N G AND HIS FACE WAS GOLDEN! ITS LIKE THAT LISA SIMPSON MEME SHHSHSH

Okay Nini is being a little pissy about leaving her song out of the show and its a little selfish to wanna keep it at the risk of being disqualified but I also understand why she's hurt

Everyone is dog piling on her right now being against her idea and it feels like they are being against her song and her herself instead of them not wanting to be disqualified. Also like she poured her heart and soul into the song after Miss Jenn lowkey rushed her to write it. So I can see why this feels like a rejection of her and her song and why she's so hurt rather than her seeing the big picture right now

It doesn't help that Ricky said the final blow causing her to walk off

Okay maybe Zackey gets some rights for being chill and wanting the kids to be peers

THIS MOTHERFUCKER I KNEW HE WAS SHADY Also the way I gasped even though I predicted he stole the mask halfway through this ep shshsh

Stab him Miss Jenn STAB HIM

Bitch why you so threatened by East High if yall have such a Broadway-esque show planned??? They honestly should have stuck to the Little Mermaid; I really wanted to see the aquarium

"It's just a song Ricky" "A song can mean everything" Do you get deja vu? Anyone else getting intense flashbacks to Jan when DL first dropped and all the drama happened 👀

YES PLEASE STAY CO ANCHORS Gosh I love them so much esp once you take the romantic connotations out of their interactions

ROUGE GRAND I'M SCREAMING

I love this long take of checking in with everyone's relationship status (still hate how romantically focused this show has become but still a cool shot)

I K N E W IT I WAS RIGHT

Okay but like looking at Kourtney's face I have never wanted to be wrong so bad GOD I HATE IT HERE I really think he likes her and I hope they work it out

Nini setting up her own music acc feels like when Olivia rebranded her whole IG to be just for her music stuff - love this for both of them

AHHHHH SHE'S NINA NOW YALL

I know everyone loves her as Nini but like I have always loved the name Nina and it really suits her to be honest also shows how she's growing up now and kind of leans into the lyric "I won't be confined to your point of view" from The Rose Song because Nini is the nickname Ricky gave her so it shows that she's outgrowing him too and I love that for her!

Overall thoughts; they really crammed all the North High drama into one ep huh. Personally would have liked it if all of this was spread out throughout the last few episodes; like different hijinks for every episode. I'm just a big fan of properly setting up the overall arc over the season instead of patching it together closer to the climax/end of the show. Cos now it lowkey feels like two different seasons - 2A felt like The Rini/Rina Show esp with YAC storyline and whatever was going on with Rina and now 2B is finally feeling like what this season should have been all this time

#hsmtmts season 2 #hsmtmts #hsmtmts spoilers #nina salazar roberts #gina porter #EJ Caswell #Ricky Bowen #Kourtney Green #Ashlyn Caswell #Seb Matthew Smith #carlos rodriguez #Big Red

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shitty-marvel-fan732 · 4 years

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Guilty, Part 2

Title: Guilty, Part 2 of 2

Pairing: Peter Parker x Barnes-Rodgers!reader

Warnings: Bucky is a grumpy dad™️, Peter is an even sadder boy, and anxiety I guess??

Summary: Peter is worried the dangers of being Spiderman's girlfriend are too much for you.

Authors Note: Here's the second part to @lou-la-lou 's request. The italicized paragraphs are a flashbacks! If anyone has any other requests for me, feel free to send them in, and if you have them in my inbox already, know that I am working on them, I swear! 😂 I feel like its kinda rushed, ngl, but here we go! ENJOY!

--------------------

"Come on out Parker, I know you're up here," Bucky called out to the outwardly vacant rooftop. He swung his legs over the side of the Tower calmly and waited.

"Uhm, I'm good. Thanks." he heard Peter squeak nervously from behind him. He chuckled a little at the evident panic in his voice, and patted the spot next to him.

"It's okay kid, I'm not here to hurt you, I just wanna talk."

Moments passed, and Bucky could practically hear the gears of fear and curiosity winding inside the young spiderling's head as he contemplated things. Bucky sighed, his patience running thin.

"Come on Peter, you know that if I wanted to harm you that I would've done it already."

After a few more moments and a mutter of something that sounded a lot like 'that's comforting', Peter eventually sat on the ledge next to Bucky.

Well, actually he was a good six feet away from being next to him, but Bucky would take what he could get.

"So," he broke through the silence, eyes focused out towards the sky rather than the blue and red clad figure sitting beside him. "What are you doing here kid?"

"Oh I was just out on patrol and so ya know I was like in the-- in the neighborhood so I just thought I'd drop by," Peter cleared his throat, stuttering awkwardly through what was so clearly an excuse. Bucky chuckled.

"Kind of a long way from Queens though," he drawled amusedly. "And I'm sure you 'stopping by' has nothing to do with the fact that you can very clearly see Y/N's bedroom window from here."

Peter's flush was instant.

"Oh no-- that's not -- I wasn't--" he stuttered frantically, waving his hands wildly. Bucky let him go on for a while -- a sick sense of glee filling his chest as he watched his daughter's ex-boyfriend panic. Eventually he raised his hand, and Peter instantly fell silent.

"C'mon kid, let's not start this out with a lie. Why don't you tell me why you're really here?"

"I just...wanted to check and see if she's okay," Peter murmured after another pregnant pause, voice so quiet he was barely audible. Bucky turned to face him more fully, and felt a little of his lingering anger dissolve at the look of utter sadness splayed across the young boy's features.

"She's not." Bucky replied firmly. "But I think you would've already known that, seeing as you were the one to end things."

"Yeah I know," he muttered. Peter's hand flicked towards his face, gloved fingertips batting away a few of the tears he'd let escape. "But I didn't really have much of a choice."

"So I've heard," Bucky hummed. "I think I know why that is, but why don't you tell me why you think that is."

Peter paused, tear-filled eyes staring off into the distance as he contemplated his next words carefully. Bucky let him think, taking the time to study Peter's face more fully in the meantime. His eyes were puffy and red from his tears, but the dark purple circles under them made it clear that this wasn't the first time he'd cried recently. The skin of his face was paler than usual, and his cheeks looked a little gaunt.

All in all, Peter looked miserable.

If he were being honest with himself, Bucky would have to admit that the sight of his pain was a little satisfying -- after all, he was the reason Y/N had been so heartbroken lately. But it was the look in the young boy's eyes that kept him from feeling too smug. It was the same dull, lifeless look that he'd seen in his daughter's eyes for weeks. Bucky couldn't help but feel his heart reach out for the kid as he noted his evident suffering.

"I thought she'd just be better off without me," Peter's soft reply broke him out of his thoughts abruptly. "I mean, you saw what happened with those girls. All because of me, because of Spiderman, and I just thought if I cut things off now then hopefully she could just...I dunno, move on? Find somebody new, someone normal, that way she'd always be…"

"Safe?" Bucky supplied quietly. Peter's eyes snapped to the older man's face, expression one of complete surprise. He nodded slowly before casting his eyes away once more.

"Yeah," he managed to reply, voice cracking as his tears began flowing once more. Bucky sighed, scooting closer to him and placing a comforting hand on Peter's shoulder. Peter jumped a little at the contact, but he didn't move away like Bucky expected. They sat that way for a few minutes -- Peter sobbing quietly and Bucky sitting stoically next to him.

"Did I ever tell you about the first time I held Y/N?" Bucky asked plainly. Peter sniffled, head turning upwards to face the older man in surprise.

"N-no sir. I don't think we've ever actually talked before today," Peter replied slowly.

"Yeah, that's probably true," Bucky chuckled. "But it's worth telling now."

Peter nodded, eyes still trained on Bucky, a look of confusion overtaking his features.

"Well obviously Steve was the first one to hold her -- he barely waited until they hosed her off before he snatched her up," he recalled fondly, chuckling a little at the memory. Peter too cracked a smile at the mental image, and Bucky scored himself an imaginary point for managing to keep the kid from crying for a minute.

"But when I finally managed to pry her away from him long enough for me to hold her, the very first thing I felt was this overwhelming sense of love. But almost immediately that love led to this feeling of terror," he continued, the smile sliding from his face. "I mean, there she was -- just the tiniest little thing you'd ever seen, her entire body fit practically in my hand she was so small. I was overcome with complete panic when I realized just how fragile she was. I just stood there for a minute, picturing all of the terrible things that could happen to her, that sweet little alien-looking thing. How on earth was I supposed to keep her safe, when so much of mine and Steve's lives were filled with constant danger?"

Peter didn't move an inch, his entire being enthralled by Bucky's story.

"I struggled with that a lot when Y/N was younger. Hell, I'd be lying if I said I didn't still struggle with it -- I think that's a big part of why I'm so protective of her now, as I'm sure you've noticed," Bucky smiled wryly. To his credit, even though Bucky could tell Peter was fighting the urge to scoff he merely nodded dumbly in response. “Yeah sorry about that I guess? I mean I’m not, but I feel like I should say that.”

Peter chuckled a little at the brutal honesty, the slightest hint of an amused smile quirking at the edges of his lips. Bucky gleefully scored himself another mental point before he continued.

“I spent every second I could with her after we brought her home, just watching her sleep and making sure she was safe. They say parents don’t get any sleep with a newborn, but I legitimately didn’t sleep for more than an hour at a time for almost a month. Unless I knew Steve was awake, I couldn’t bring myself to take my eyes off her. Eventually I got so burnt out that I had a full blown panic attack and Steve finally forced me to take a break. He all but locked me in our room, and wouldn’t let me come out until I’d finally gotten some decent rest. It was hard, but I knew in my mind that he was right -- while I was stuck in there I wound up doing a lot of thinking. And do you know what I realized?”

Peter shook his head, brown eyes wide and locked onto Bucky’s face as he breathlessly waited for the answer. Bucky looked him directly in the eyes, pausing for a moment. He wanted to ensure that Peter heard and understood everything that he was about to say.

“Even though bad things might happen to Y/N because of our lifestyles, she was better off with us than without,” Bucky stated firmly. Peter’s face scrunched in confusion for the briefest of moments but Bucky saw a flash of understanding pass through his eyes. The young boy glanced away, spurring Bucky to continue. “True, I couldn’t and can’t protect her from everything, but she was gonna grow up with the biggest, strangest, and most loving family a kid could hope for. Not to mention the fact that she was born into a family full of extremely capable superhumans and assassins that would literally kill for her. Sure she was going to inevitably run into problems from time to time, but as long as she had us to teach her and protect her then I truly felt she would be alright.”

Peter swallowed thickly and the two sat silently for a few minutes as they let the gravity of Bucky’s words sink in. Sometimes it was all too easy to forget just how young Peter really was, but he'd never looked more his age than in this moment. His eyes were cast downward and his tear soaked lashes were so long that they rested across his pink-splotched cheeks as he cried. Bucky patted his back comfortingly as he waited. After a few moments, Bucky internally wondered if he should continue, but Peter spoke up before he had a chance.

“But don’t you ever-- I dunno, feel like guilty?”, Peter blurted out curiously. “I mean even just that little fight was enough to freak me out completely. I can’t...I don’t ever want her to get hurt because of me.”

“I get it kid, I used to feel the same way,” Bucky exhaled through his nose, a soft chuckle unintentionally bubbling out of his throat at the insinuation. “But believe me, I learned very early on that if Y/N wants to get into a fight, then she will. I think she takes too much after Steve, the two of them are so damned stubborn that they almost make me seem like the level-headed one.”

Peter laughed out loud for the first time all night, and Bucky would be willing to bet it was the first time in much longer than that. He chuckled along with him, slightly proud of the look of fondness that took over his boyish features.

"Yeah. Yeah that's probably true." Peter chuckled.

"Mmmmhm. So, you feeling any better kid?"

Peter nodded earnestly, fingers brushing away the last of his tears.

"Good," Bucky hummed. "Now, I'm going to need you to fix things with my daughter, otherwise you and I are going to have a very different kind of conversation. Am I clear?"

"Y-yes sir," Peter replied meekly, an audible gulp escaping the poor boy. Bucky grinned widely, clapping his hand on his back once more.

"Knew I could count on you."

--------------------

Peter couldn’t remember the last time he’d been this happy.

Sitting on the couch, you were wrapped so tightly around him that he couldn't hardly tell where his limbs ended and yours began. You were curled up in his lap, his arms cadging your back firmly against his front as his face rested into the crook of your neck. There was some movie playing on the giant tv in front of the two of you, but Peter wasn't paying attention to it at all; he was too awestruck by his sheer luck, eternally grateful to be with you again after so long.

Even though he couldn't see your face from his position, he could tell that you were on the verge of falling asleep. Every few minutes your fingers would pause on their trek up and down his forearm and your head would roll even further backwards as you drifted asleep before snapping back upwards once more. He chuckled fondly at you, placing a sweet kiss to your cheek as a feeling of warmth spread throughout his entire body.

"You're exhausted sweet girl," he murmured into your neck softly. "Go ahead and sleep, I can tell you're fighting it."

You shook your head stubbornly, adorably clinging to his arms even tighter at the insinuation.

"M'not," you protested through a yawn. Little butterflies swirled in Peter's tummy at the sound of the pout evident in your voice. He placed another kiss to your cheek, unable to contain the feeling of joy that'd been coursing though him since he'd first gotten you back in his arms.

"You are though," he chuckled.

"I don't wanna sleep," you argued. "Too afraid this was all just a really good dream."

Peter's chest immediately felt heavy, arms winding around you more securely at your whispered confession. He understood exactly what you meant. To be perfectly honest, he was having a hard time believing this was real too.

He knew it was probably just teenage dramatics, but the two weeks that he’d spent without you felt like the longest weeks of his life -- weeks spent in absolute misery. It’d seemed like the only solution at the time, but he’d had an increasingly difficult time justifying that choice when not being with you had been so difficult. He was honestly reaching his breaking point long before your dad had sat him down to talk about things, so it didn’t take much convincing on Bucky’s part to get him to change his mind.

But now, as he found himself perched outside your bedroom window he couldn't help but worry that he might've done permanent damage to your relationship. He felt his heart shrivel and harden at the prospect that you may not forgive him, but he couldn't possibly blame you for it. Hell, he'd hated himself since the moment he ended things.

He was only outside your window in the first place because as soon as you'd realized it was him, you'd swiftly slammed the door in his face. He'd tried pleading with you through the wood, but he couldn't tell if any of it was getting through because (outside of some choice swears) you hadn't said a word in response. So, desperate and on his last chance, he'd crawled outside your bedroom window, hoping that even if you didn't speak to him that at least he'd be able to see your face again. Ignoring the weight that settled in his stomach as he took note of your reddened eyes and tear stained cheeks through the glass, he'd focused on saying what he came there to say. You simply stood in the middle of your room stoically with your arms crossed as he rambled on through the pre-planned speech he’d come up with as he tossed and turned all night.

Eventually he reached the end of his hastily prepared monologue, and he fell silent, waiting anxiously for you to respond. The seconds that passed felt like hours as you contemplated things, and his heart felt like it was going to beat out of his chest as he cautiously appraised your every move. A stab of fear and defeat ripped through his chest the moment he realized that you weren’t going to budge. Fresh tears welling in his eyes, he turned to leave, the feeling of defeat and sorrow weighing heavily on his limbs until he felt an actual weight on his arm.

You grabbed his wrist before he’d even moved an inch.

Glaring at him as your own tears slipped silently down your cheeks, you dropped his arm before opening the window wide enough for him to fit through. He sniffled and shot you a desperate look, to which you responded only by rolling your eyes and motioning for him to come inside. Once he'd scrambled through, he could only muster up enough courage to stand wordlessly in the once familiar room as he waited for you to make the next move.

"You're an idiot."

Though your words were biting, Peter couldn't help but think to himself that, after not hearing your voice for weeks, they were the most beautiful sound he'd ever heard.

"I know," he swallowed thickly. You scoffed, fingers swiping your cheeks angrily to remove the lingering traces of your tears as you stared him down.

"What you did really sucked," you continued crossing your arms protectively in front of your chest. "And just because I get why you did it now doesn't change that."

"I know," he agreed, tears silently beginning to fall from his eyes. You sucked in a shuddering breath. "You're absolutely right, I'm an idiot."

You chuckled a little bit at his admission, your arms dropping by your sides.

"I wish you would've just talked to me. Told me what you were feeling, you know?" you replied in a near-whisper. "Cause just getting cut-off from you all at once...it really sucked."

Your bottom lip began to tremble and fresh tears began to run down your face uncontrollably. Peter swore he could actually hear a crack echo in the small room as his heart broke at the sight of you. Unable to physically handle the distance between the two of you for a moment longer, he wasted little time in crossing the short space and pulling you into his arms.

To his immense relief, you allowed him to pull you into his chest easily, your arms wrapping around his body just as tightly. He thrust his face into your messy hair, and your face buried itself into his chest instantly. It wasn't long before he felt your hot tears seeping through the thin fabric of his shirt, but he really couldn't care less at the moment. Especially given the fact that he was sure you could feel his own tears soaking through your hair.

"I-I'm so sorry Y/N," he sobbed, his voice muffled from the way he pressed his face to your head. "I'm s-so sorry angel, I'm such an idiot. I hated every single second I wasn't with y-you, and I swear I'll never do anything like that ever again."

Your only response was to pull him impossibly closer to you, your arms practically clawing at his back in the process.

The two of you had stood like that for an immeasurable amount of time, sobbing into each other in that dramatic way only teenagers really could, until eventually both your eyes had run dry. Then you just talked. First about the whole situation and then about everything the two of you had missed about the other in the time you weren't speaking. Peter had come to see you early in the morning, but by the time all was said and done it was already the early evening. Despite the fact that the two of you were exhausted, neither one of you were willing to part just yet and thus you'd wound up where you were now, cuddling in one of the Tower's many common rooms.

Peter exhaled tensely, your quiet admission sending a stab of guilt deep into his chest. He kissed the top of your head apologetically.

"I'm so sorry y/n," he murmured against your hair. "I can't explain how sorry I am that I've made you feel like you can't count on me anymore."

You were so silent that, for a moment, Peter thought you might've finally succumbed to your evident exhaustion. It wasn't until a few moments later that he felt you snuggle deeper into his hold and place a delicate kiss to his cheek that he realized you hadn't. He couldn't hold back the large grin that overtook his face nor the raging blush that began creeping up his cheeks at your sweet gesture.

"S'okay Petey," you mumbled, clearly on the verge of dozing. "I mean, it's not, but you can just give me constant cuddles from now on and then we'll be good."

Peter let out a breathy giggle, feelings of amusement and affection surging through his chest at the determined, and yet sleepy tone of your voice. He felt your breaths even out, and he placed a light kiss to your hair as he listened to the slow, comforting thumping of your heartbeat.

"Don't worry angel, already planning on it."

--------------------

"Buck, are you seeing what I'm seeing?" Steve whispered, stopping dead in his tracks and pulling his husband to a stop through their interconnected hands. Bucky frowned a bit as his eyes scanned the room, wondering what could've possibly been behind the pure shock lacing Steve's tone. They were on their way out, intent on spending some time alone together for the first time in a long while, and Bucky knew something big must've caught his husband's attention if he was making the time to stop.

"What?" he questioned confusedly after finding seemingly nothing amiss in the common room. Steve nudged him gently, wide eyes darting towards one of Stark's insanely expensive leather couches as if to say 'there, look over there dummy!'. Bucky felt his brows furrow deeper as he struggled to process what could possibly have his husband so worked up. It was just Y/N and Peter, the two of them sitting disgustingly close to one another as they idly watched some movie on the Tower's practically movie-theater sized tel--

Oh.

Steve grinned at the sight of the two of them, squeezing Bucky's hand excitedly as he watched them.

"That's great, I didn't know they were back together, did you?"

Bucky merely grunted in response, rolling his eyes and feigning nonchalance whilst internally feeling exceedingly relieved that things would hopefully go back to normal now. He felt so light, in fact, that a deep chuckle burst through his chest before he could stop it-- although he quickly covered it with a cough.

The sound of him clearing his throat did not go unnoticed, Peter lifted his cheek slightly from the top of your head to look at the two super soldiers. His face immediately broke out into a furious blush, and though he would normally scramble away from you at the sight of your dads, he didn't move a muscle. Instead, he simply smiled nervously in their direction.

Steve's face broke out into an even bigger grin, and he nodded curtly at the young boy before looking at Bucky with a very smug 'I told you so' face.

Bucky rolled his eyes in fake annoyance, but shot Peter a knowing wink once Steve turned away. He scored himself a final mental point for sorting things out with Parker as he allowed his husband to pull him towards the door. The teen smiled and returned his attention to your sleeping form, feeling much happier than he had in weeks.

Taglist: @beth-winchester21 , @peters-legos, @lou-la-lou

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residentraccoon · 3 years

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Fave 2021 national finals songs

Since I don't have anything better to do with my life at the moment I decided to ramble about stuff. Okay, here are my thoughts about my fave songs from the national finals of 2021, in no particular order!

Norsk Melodi Grand Prix

• Monument was my absolute favourite and I still can't believe to this day that it didn't win :( Keiino are fking fantastic and they killed the stage (though I kind of preffered the black outfits from the 1st heat over the final ones, they suited the song's athmosphere better). I cried real tears when I saw they lost, for real. Heartbreak 💔

• Hero was such a nice throwback to 80s music style, the staging was also really neat. Would love to see Raylee come back next year in the selection, she has a cool stage presence

• Okay but Vi er Norge was a banger and I'm still listening to this one, a real shame it didn't even qualify nor win the 2nd chance round. As you already knew before, I have a weakness for violins because yes. The performance was so energetic and fun, should have def qualified. Underrated.

• Ut av mørket/Fallen angel was really good too. I wanted it to be kept in norwegian for esc but oh well. The stage show was just a tad messy but memorable.

• I can't escape was something I'd hear from Roxen ngl, the style matches her perfectly, even her cursive singing, everything. Either way I loved this one too, this song feels like a hug.

• Pages was so magical, I'm glad we got another joik song, sadly this didn't qualify 😥

• World on fire was kind of generic but puts me in a good mood everytime I listen to it, it's really catchy.

• Let loose is so g r o o v y and cool, it was my fave from the 1st heat when I got to listen to the songs. I'm lowkey happy it advanced to the final instead of Elevate, I'm sorry but I saw everyone praising that one in youtube comments, I never saw the hype, it was too regular and plain for me.

• Own yourself was so cute and funky, loved how it showed her ethnic background a lil with that disco sound.

• Witch woods...ehhh...While it's funny and unique, I think it's suited more for a witch Disney musical than Eurovision. But I like it anyway.

• Faith Bloody Faith oh yes I needed a rock song in this nf. Relieved it won the 2nd chance. Oh and I just realized, the superfinalists in mgp were literally the ones from the 1st heat. Crazy huh?

• Nordlyset is something I'd listen to near a fireplace with a cup of hot chocolate in hands watching the snow fall in my cottage located in a forest far away from civillization. So soothing and beautiful <3

• Eyes wide open was epic just like his 2020 viking schlager song (i prefer his 2020 song over this one but that's another story)

Melodifestivalen

• Little tot was amazing but def not as good as Bulletproof. It's still catchy asf and one of my favs from this selection.

• Dandi Dansa aka a banger, again another catchy song.

• Every minute sounds like a summer hit, it's awesome. It's also the spawner of all those haha eric on a kitchen tile memes I've seen around during that time.

• The world and especially Sweden wasn't ready for the masterpiece called Rena Rama Ding Dong. They should tone down their preference for safe pop songs and choose meme worthy songs like this one in the future tbh. They didn't even qualify, Sweden = coward.

• One Touch is a fun club track, I can see this as a summer hit as well. But her stage show...go girl give us nothing

• In the middle, once again The Mamas delivered.

• And finally Voices, which its nf staging was superior to the esc one. We are so sorry Tusse 😔

Festivali i Këngës

• Zjarri Im a total banger, it wasn't even in the top 5 ffs Era Rusi queen.

• Njësoj has such a nice party vibe, should have qualified.

• Haven't paid any attention to Karma until it won, then I said hey this isn't so bad, it's traditional and ethnic, I can actually see Albania in the final with this.

Dora

• Rijeka was the only one I thought it will win by a landslide and I was surprised it didn't. The staging was a bit too over the top, though

• Tick Tock grew on me after it won and quickly became one of my faves of this year's esc. I'm still sad it didn't qualify 😔

• She's like a dream is super uplifting and also sounds like an 80s song.

• Colors is something I heard a million times before but for some reason I'm jamming to this? Also I heard she's blind, is it true?

Eesti Laul

• Took me a while to have a fave from this nf but after some listens Magus Melanhoolia stole my heart 🧡 it's so different from the others and the staging looked so proffesional.

• Lost in a dance had me d a n c i n, I noticed we had a lot of 80s throwbacks in this nf season, this included. The live was so dissapointing though 😔

• Not so keen on 6 at first but now I absolutely love it, she has such a nice style and the song's athmosphere is so magical.

• Time was amazing, surprised it came 2nd!

• I actually liked The lucky one lmao, I found it much better than his previous entry.

• Heaven's not that far tonight was the party 80s bop we didn't knew we needed

Dansk Melodi Grand Prix

• Probably my biggest letdown of this nf season but I actually managed to like Står lige her, digging the electro 80s (again) sound

• I also liked Øve os på hinanden as well, this one really feels like a legit 80s track rather than a throwback.

• Silver Bullet was interesting as well, it was the early frontrunner when the songs first came out from what I remember.

Uuden Musiikin Kilpailu

• I love you is so wacky and catchy, and in finnish! I'd hear this as a soundtrack in an old video game.

• Dark Side was the definite winner ever since I heard it, and they even got a top 10 finish for Finland for the first time in years! Couldn't be more proud 😭

• Hurt was also one of my favs, Aksel needs to come back to esc, maybe in 2022 methinks 🤔

• Wait what is Laura Põldvere, an estonian singer tm doing in finnish nf? While I liked Play, I knew it wasn't strong enough to win, and she even came last. Do you get any flashbacks from another estonian entry with the same name that came last? 👀

C'est vous qui decidez

• Voila was the clear winner and that's about it, she deserved the win, it's just too beautiful for this world 😭

• Alleluia was an interesting sound of afrobeat, too bad their chances were killed because of messy staging :(

• Amour fou was so catchy and I loved the horse head thing lmao

Pabandom iš naujo

• Discoteque all day any day. The Roop world domination 💛

• Where'd you wanna go is so calming. I listen to this when I'm stressed and it works wonders, this was really beautiful.

• Open is so unique and soothing, a total contrast from her 2014 entry.

• Never fall for you again is a total earworm, even now as I'm writing this...even if I haven't listened to it since February.

Sanremo

• Zitti e Buoni was my instant fave, it simply stood out from the others by a lot.

Festival da Canção

• Por um triz is a beautiful ballad, was my fave.

• Saudade was the early favourite, reminds me of Telemoveis with its weird but artsy style.

Israel NF

• ...I really only liked Set me free tbh.

• La la love had a good potential but I can't not cringe at the corona reference like...ugh. Such a fun party song killed by one lyric, such a shame.

Russia's NF

• Just Russian Woman was the only one who deserved to win.

Spain's NF

• Yeah, they were both good but I liked Voy a Quedarme more.

#txt #oh my god oKAY this is a long post af #eurovision

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bthump · 5 years

Note

for the ask meme, akira/ryo from devilman? :')

ty! spoilers for the manga, crybaby, devilman lady, and some spinoffs and stuff

Akira

First impression:

Fun fact, I watched the devilman ova dub way back when I was like 14 without having a clue what it was, so my first impression of Akira was “hm I will automatically ship him with the blond dude.” congrats, past me, you called it.

Also the “WHY GOOOOOOOOOOOD” is my clearest memory from watching this lol.

Impression now:

I love manga Akira. I don’t really like Crybaby Akira tbh, imo the way he’s written ranges from unpleasant to “oh dear god what the fuck why.” I’m aware that raping Sirene mid-fight was part of Nagai’s original vision, but like, that doesn’t make it a good choice. That just means Nagai’s publisher saved Devilman. And that’s just one of the things I hated about his character in the show. God Crybaby was a rollercoaster of highs and lows lol.

But yeah manga Akira is mostly delightful and very endearing.

Favorite moment:

lol honestly it’s “Sure! Seems like you’re always dragging me into fights like this,” at the end of Devilman Lady. Devilman Lady was hot garbage but man I love that ending.

Idea for a story:

Akira and Ryo meeting up and having angry sex mid-war before going back to trying to kill each other.

Unpopular opinion:

AKIRA WAS WRONG. A major point of Devilman - and incidentally Crybaby got this aspect pretty right - is that Akira refusing to hash things out with Ryo because Miki got killed and insisting on total war was a bad decision that led to everyone dying. War is bad. Revenge is bad. The world was destroyed because Akira and Ryo fought instead of fucking.

Devilman Lady has a hopeful ending entirely because Akira forgave Ryo and joined him, and also fucked him js.

Favorite relationship:

Ryo man lbr here. It’s like the original version of half my ships.

Favorite headcanon:

It’s been a while since I read the manga so idr if this is actually implied or not, but Akira insisted on fighting Ryo after Miki died less because he hated Ryo and would never be able to forgive him yadda yadda yadda and more because he’d lost his faith in humanity and was basically looking for an excuse to enact a whole lot of destructive violence.

Ryo

First impression:

I don’t care much but I automatically ship him with the protagonist.

Impression now:

Love every version of him I’ve seen, though original manga Ryo still wins. Also I am deeply saddened that Crybaby went with the bowlcut look instead of the angelic curls look they were kicking around in concept art.

Favorite moment:

I got 3: the last scene of the manga, when he hides his face in his head wings and cries just as God shows up.

When he tries to come out to Akira in Shin Devilman and he’s blushy and adorable and Akira is a clueless idiot.

And honestly Ryo’s closing monologue in Crybaby. Ayumu Murase nailed itman, and ngl while I get the criticisms that Crybaby didn’t focus enough on the anti war message, and omitted Ryo’s revelation that he fucked up in pitting demons and humans against each other, I still love the laser focus on Ryo realizing his feelings for Akira.

Idea for a story:

The epic novel length story of the fight against God after Devilman Lady ft Ryo and Akira finally getting together and defeating God with the power of love and also demons. This builds on the way I’m pretty sure in one of the dubiously canonical spinoffs (Amon maybe? fuck idr) it’s stated that Amon and Satan used to be one entity but God split them into two because they were powerful enough together to pose a threat to him. Which lbr basically is a reference to the whole soulmates used to be one person thing and totally justifies Akira and Ryo defeating God when they team up (and fits nicely with the fact that Ryo lost his war the instant Akira turned against him).

Unpopular opinion:

Ok this is less an unpopular opinion and more of a pet peeve, but I see this repeated often enough that it feels unpopular: Ryo didn’t cause the apocalypse because he was in love with Akira! Satan’s plan the whole time was to get humanity to destroy itself so demons could take over, and then presumably fight God, and falling in love with Akira fucked his plan up because he ended up losing his strongest demon to a dude who eventually turned against him.

(Also an actual unpopular opinion: I legit side eye anyone who has no sympathy for Crybaby Ryo, especially kid Ryo.)

Favorite relationship:

Akira ofc.

Favorite headcanon:

I love the theory that Crybaby is the actual first meeting between Ryo and Akira, and the manga is a second (or later) cycle/timeline loop/whatever you call it. Like it’s implied in a short side story that Ryo first met Akira not long before the start of the manga, and his subconscious Satan powers just implanted false memories of a friendship into Akira. But with this theory it’s more like his Satan powers implanted real memories from a previous timeline into Akira, letting them pick up from where they left off.

Also I love the way they meet in Crybaby, I find it very touching and I want to believe those flashbacks of them as kids are the real start of their relationship.

#Anonymous #ask #ask meme #not berserk #theme: opinion

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asgardian--angels · 7 years

Text

so I saw Thor: Ragnarok!

as always, spoilers under the cut as I give my initial thoughts.

WOW

That was an awesome movie. I wouldn’t rank it my number one, but definitely in top 5 I think. Ok, where to start, where to start...

The cinematography. Good stuff. I like what Taika Waititi brought to the table aesthetically. A real crowning moment for me was Valkyrie’s flashback - that was absolutely stunning, the best shot of the whole film to me. All I could see in my mind was Asgårdsreien, Odin’s Hunt. Truly beautiful. An interesting thing that stuck out to me also, neither good nor bad per se but, the lack of extreme closeups. Were there any, actually? That showed just part of the face? I suppose the Hulk had a few, maybe one for Thor summoning his powers. But the lighting in the film would have looked phenomenal on like, some silhouettes of Loki or Hela. I want the closeups man, give them to me.

The Plot. Lot to say here. So obviously, this is not the Ragnarok of legend. At all. While some of the key players were there (Baldr?? Where art thou?) and some of the principles remained, they really took it in a different direction. I’m ambivalent on that. If they had stuck to the real apocalyptic Ragnarok, the comedy aspect they worked into the film would not have fit whatsoever. It would have been Winter Soldier, not Guardians of the Galaxy. Can’t really have both. Because the real Ragnarok would have been extremely dark and sad and serious, with all our favs dying bloody, the world being destroyed, and probably a lot of slow-mo shots of Jormungandr’s gaping maw and dripping fangs descending upon the Aesir, etc etc. It would have been awesome ngl. But utterly out of place with that comedy. They went for a more lighthearted, less dire version of events - while the in-universe situation was dire for Thor and kin, I... didn’t feel it emotionally. Not saying that’s good or bad. There were no moments in the movie I felt real suspense, or that I shed any tears. There was no Loki dying in Thor’s arms, or Frigga getting stabbed, no startling turn of event situations that tugged at your heartstrings apart from a few mild melancholy Thor and Loki brother interactions. I suppose if you went into the film expecting those scenes, you may be a bit disappointed. A lighthearted apocalypse seems like something of a contradiction, and yet they pulled it off fairly well, and I think worked better if you dropped the context of real Norse myth Ragnarok or any Marvel comic Ragnarok and just experienced the film for what it was.

This whole atmosphere they went with is, I’m sure, a response to the success of films like GOTG (colorful space comedy) vs Civil War or Ultron (gritty uber-serious graytone manpain). But even GOTG had scenes that were far more serious and emotional - I cried a hell of a lot during GOTG2 - despite also having scenes that were further on the funny/raunchy spectrum. They struck a perfect, surprising balance with GOTG that made you feel almost every emotion possible in the span of two hours - this Thor film tried to be more muted on either end. They really downplayed the lasting enmity between Thor and Loki, the fear and sorrow associated with the literal end of their world (esp by the common folk), and Odin’s death. Like, seriously, Thor or Loki didn’t even mourn or cry at their father’s death? I would have liked to see some scenes of Thor trying to cope with that. Any scenes at all showing some emotional vulnerability or struggle, by any of the characters - Valkyrie was really the only one who got that.

Now, seriously, I’m not saying I didn’t enjoy the film - I did!! I really liked that they added some comedy to Thor’s character, because the last two Thor films didn’t give him much character at all. This made him more charismatic and relatable. And I do love Loki in this. I am 1000% here for them being brothers and not focusing on them constantly at war with each other - what Thor said, about, at the end of the day, I’m me and you’re you, is I think really the heart of it. They’re brothers, but they’re fundamentally different, and that’s ok. Loki will always be a trickster, he’ll sometimes betray Thor, but that’s just his role, and Thor doesn’t have to hate him for it. So I’m glad they had that relationship in this film, and Loki got a lot of great scenes. But yes, again I’ll say there wasn’t much emotional turmoil by anyone in the film, likely because it was all focused on the big bad, the time for feelings is later, yadda yadda. But there is still a lot to work out, and I hope they eventually do.

Other notes -

Is the Grandmaster the brother of the Collector? I feel like he is. Having him in the film gave off such a GOTG vibe, gosh.

SO THEY MADE HELA THEIR BROTHER INSTEAD OF LOKI’S DAUGHTER TO DODGE THAT BULLET LMAO

NO ROMANTIC SUBPLOTS, OH MY GOD, BLESS YOU

So much was changed from the trailers! Thor losing his eye was definitely not in the equivalent trailer scene from the Bifrost.

Some of the green screen was... not great, I feel. It was really obvious at times. A little surprised by that. Knowing that they changed an entire scene with Hela (from the city to the cliffside in Norway) made me wonder what was going on in the editors room that they made so many major changes and possibly had to redo the greenscreen vfx at the last minute?

THEY KILLED OFF VOLSTAG, HOGUN, AND FANDRAL JUST LIKE THAT, WHAT

The fact that Thor knew it was Loki disguised as Odin and just let it go on for that long..? And so few people were startled by it?

Idk a few reactions I thought were just not as grave or extreme as they realistically should have been.

Bruce, COME BACK TO US

Surtur’s voice was weird tbh, they should have put some filter on it to make it sound like it was coming from a rock/fire being

I just want to say that I listened to Amon Amarth’s Surtur Rising before the film because how could I not

Hmmm that’s all I can think of right now. Thoughts? I’m assuming it was Thanos’s ship in the PCS there?

I did like the film a lot. Despite my complaining. I’m just a perfectionist. I’m not really settled in my mind of how I think they should have treated that plotline. There’s a lot of potential with something as big as Ragnarok, and they downplayed it as much as possible. It worked in its own way, but man, it could have been huge.

Overall? Maybe an A-?

#thor ragnarok #thor: ragnarok #thor ragnarok spoilers #thor spoilers #i've heard nothing but good things tho so

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