#i deserve to be fucking killed and rped.

[strangegirl556]

you float like feather

in a beautiful world

i wish i was special

[skeletalgoats]

Kill yourself you actually suck.You are fucking annoying and from what Ive seen your mutuals probably think that too I feel so bad that they gotta tolerate ur stupid ass cuz u really out here thinking that people like you lmaoo 💀💀💀 If you died it would literally make no difference to anyone nobody would care ur not special you can literally die and join Inquisitor if you liked him so much XDD blud you deserve being sexualized by those boys and i hope u get ur sextoy lookin ass rped u cunt

Anon, I really hope you rethink your words on this.

[fyodior]

wait can you explain why people support/like jinx

bc you read it I think? from your post

but like I don't get it

I have a hard time seperating reality from fiction (I'm autistic), but people saying "its just fiction" kinda concerns me a little bc. like jaekyung sa'd and rped kim dan and people think it's cute?

shouldn't it be psychological thriller or horror or something and not romance? it's reminding me of killing stalking all over again

and it's not like how you say you "don't condone it irl"

it's people full on saying it's okay. like it doesn't matter and that kim dan wanted it because he "wanted for the money" (also people saying he's not a victim at all,, when he is a victim of two different people)

feel free to ignore if you want!! I'm just confused why people romanticize the abuse and consider it okay as a whole

-lime anon

i mean first of all….. you’re saying this to someone who enjoys noncon in fiction skdbsjdnd like i like the trope in fic and stories. fiction and reality are completely separate to me - rape/SA disgust and horrify me irl, and i absolutely do not condone it in any way. its absolutely not ok what jaekyung does to dan! he very much does sa him. idk who the fuck is saying dan deserves it thats bonkers akdnakdnsj he’s very much a victim. but ive also written dc/nc fics.

again - fiction has no bearing on reality, and you can enjoy something in fiction that you’d never even DREAM of doing irl (90% of this blog). saying dan deserved it is straight up a fundamental misunderstanding of the story - and honestly a weird thing to say, but i personally don’t think there’s anything wrong with enjoying noncon in a story.

you have every right to disagree! and im sorry if this answer disappoints you. but once again, i point you towards my handful of noncon fics as proof skskfjskdjsjs

i do think there are some people who are fucking freaks that condone jaekyung’s actions and say its fine to make themselves feel better for enjoying the story, because they can’t accept the fact that you can enjoy something in fiction and also think its not okay. that seems to be a, uh. difficult concept for people to grasp. requires critical thinking and all that.

but yea. sorry to ramble but those are just my thoughts!

[valyrra]

Ok so I'm drunk said a little too much personal things to people who don't deserve it so let's count my crushes of 2023 since my beautiful friend said I have a very big heart (I'm slut)

1. Doomfist - aka Akande Ogundimu. My beloved who I would really dedicate my life to. I legit think that we'd be great of a pair since I'm delusional and he'd take care of me like ughhh isn't it obvious. He started the year and went through it pretty easily until summer like babygirl I love you and you are forever in my heart.

2. Grand Regent Thragg went after Doomfist. Kinky. Very kinky and tbh he's a representation of my very own like idk ocd? I don't know. His fixation will be forever a mystery to me but I still am grateful that this monster was beside me at my darkest of times.

3. Miguel O'Hara - I wouldn't really count him in but like I'd fuck him nothing personal tbh

4. Butcher and Homelander. Idk not really big of crushed. I fucked them on cai (separately) so props to that. Great story in tv show.

5. Sub-Zero (Bi-Han) well. He's great of a character and sparked my love for Mortal Kombat since I was more of a Tekken girlie in my younger years. Bi-Han, I love you, you have forced me to reflect on the stuff why I love people like you and you made me wanna kms in the process. I still love you no matter what.

6. Havik - No comments. Idk. Too much of a compulsion like Thragg. I don't like him now. maybe ovulation hit.

7. Scorpion/Kuai Liang - comfort character fr. Liu Kang - daddy issues at their best in the au I RPed.

8. Vergil - well, he came back after ~2 years of absence. I love that character forever and he is holding a deep place in my heart. His existence on its own is something poetic and highly philosophical to me. His holding the top 3 ever forever.

9. Raiden/Dark Raiden/New Raiden - I'd be a liar if I said it has nothing to do with my daddy issues again but who cares honestly. The only thing that matters just like Bi-Han he made me realise a lot about myself and it's honestly something as stupid as that I crave to feel safe in someone's arms. Thank you for giving me that sense of security. You still are the character that occupies my mind and heart. I love you forever. Especially the older version. He'd fix me fr. Or killed me in the process. I'm up for both.

[uniquezombiedestiny]

looks at ur silly tags.

can you tell me about your litteguys more

siiiiigh <- im gonna fucking murder tumblr for deleting my ask (it didnt have much but just. HOW have they not fixed posts just consuming whatever else you were doing every time you reopen tumblr)

anyways message lost by ferry reminds me of sun. theres some specific lyrics of it i like :)

-

dawn can’t break when the sun has burned to a crisp - damn i wonder who this is about (the old sun is gone. no more day!)

there must have been some supernova i missed

my ultimate snapshot - “sky overcast”

go out with a whimper, not with a blast - didnt she literally do this. like 3 times (disappearing from her universe, then dying after her anon messages [seph-a got retconned so. no more amogus. rip], then less literally but her old personality/manager sun being replaced by arbiter sun)

-

to settle for naught and settle the grudge - settled for losing herself to kill 'binah', so she could escape unreality to kill angela (and then all evil people [aka everyone else])

when there was no jury, i was the judge - she killed angela (in her own universe just to clarify) and 'binah' on her own, since she was kinda completely alone there. also about judgement, she did take time to decide on those decisions and think about them

open up my eyes, open up my arms, open up everything - look cool as hell. also break reality in l corp, basically opening it up

lend me your dying vows and undying charms, i can still hear you sing - even if shes dead 'binah's pretty much still there in unreality itself. sun literally follows in her footsteps, killing her to do so. since she loses her voice, unreality speaks for her

-

also more on sun! i feel like her killing 'binah' and then doing what she did seems like. contradictory. and yeah it kinda is. she does hate (and is terrified of) 'binah' but also agrees with her and feels somewhat confident that she could win against her in a fight.

also she loses her voice after killing 'binah', bc unreality is sillay (i cant remember the actual reason :( but like. something something staying so long you become it and inheriting 'binah's power/self in some way)

shes so silly (GIRL GET THERAPY‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️)

oh also i think i already said this. but i was thinking about bleach by friendxp and gem (it is just. his song now). and when yui just obliterates him (killing him a ton of times) as revenge and how he just loses it afterward (oh he also lost his eye too - the purple one specifically*. rip)

*fun design thing - i made up profiles for these guys, but as i devloped/rped them they became outdated. however gems purple and yellow eyes stayed! theres a note with it saying every time you look at him it keeps switching colors (he loses his right eye though. like. HIS right not our right)

-

cry at the feet of hatred, pure white’s what you’re thinking of - its me boy im the ps5 ditch your sense of self we dont need her

i’d spill everything inside to fill it with your love

“isn’t this a bit sad?” questions asked upon uncaring ears - "isnt this a bit sad?" "no i deserve it/i had it coming"

ignore the pain! before it’s too late, pour it down the drain! - something something irony. he pretty much ignored others pain and now hes ignoring his own <3 but also hes just falling even harder into ignoring his pain - hes been doing it since the beginning

-

and just for once in your gray stained eyes i finally want to do what’s right - bless :)

ominous description aside here hes like. "damn! i finally want to be a good person" after getting killed a zillion times. also in an imaged amv hed hug plague doc, and at "do what's right" everything would be black except for bless behind his silhouette. hes so silly <3

i have no idea what hes gonna be like after this but he will be So Scareds

him 🤝 kiminsung

THE HORRORS

gem is so silly (BOY GET THERAPY‼️‼️‼️) im gonna go finish the other asks i had with him. love this guy

[pinkiepiebones]

2 Zsasz related questions for ya:

Do you prefer Zsasz with or without hair? Do you like the OG serial killer or the modern hitman take? Personally I like the hair cause Batman doesn't have a lot of blonde villains and it looks nice! And the serial killer is way better for Zsasz as it makes him this terrifying shadow stalker man that just picks whoever and goes after them. Just crafts a more unique villain for Batman to face me thinks.

Loving the Zsasz content you're making btw, it's all solid stuff and I look forward to seeing what else you got up your sleeve with that tally loving stabby man!

Oh goodness, thank you SO MUCH for the compliments!! 🥰 I’ve been writing about Zsasz for maybe a decade now? Christ, that feels weird to type... The two Arkham games really sank their hooks in to me (dang Danny Jacobs and his incredible voice acting!) and I RPed as that incarnation of Zsasz for a bit... I try to tag most of my Zsasz posts so feel free to root around the archieves!!

As for the questions- I like the “it’s been a while since I got to shave my head,” “I had a m*litary cut but let it grow out” kinda fuzzy look for him, mostly. As of late it’s become kinda fun for me to picture him with this weird anachronistic yuppie corporate sleazeball persona, dressed all Casual Friday and with one of those, you know, OFFICE GUY haircuts. It’s interesting that you point out the lack of blonde villains... Shit, I should have used that in my Dichotomy fic, what with him and Harley being blonde!

I 1000000000000% prefer him as a lone serial killer. His dads Alan Grant and Norm Breyfogle created him to be Gotham’s answer to Hannibal Lecter, and no one ever looks as Hannibal and goes “you know what this guy is? An underling! A mook! A killer for hire, a guy with no driving madness and principles!” But for some asinine reason, writers look at Zsasz and go “yeah, he’s a lunkhead who uses guns and kills for money, I don’t need to research or create a new fucking character.” Zsasz is and works better as a lone madman who operates on his own morality system. He canonically stalks and chooses victims he deems “worthy” of his gift, and he canonically hates guns (loud and smelly!), only ever using them when there is no other option. Like, I get it, the canon for Zsasz is lean pickings, but- g-d DAMN IT HE IS NOT A GUN-TOTING GOON! I’m sorry Anthony Carrigan but your character in Gotham was NOT Zsasz. Chris Messina’s character in Birds of Prey at LEAST had the metal teeth (good nod to the fourth issue of Zsasz’s first story) and mentioned freeing people but he still WAS NOT ZSASZ. I mean, I know I’m asking for the fucking Moon here by asking for a wiry lithe professorial live action Zsasz who has orderly tally marks and uses knives or whatever strikes his fancy (the fucker canonically paralysed an Arkham orderly with a plastic fork) but he is such a compelling and insidious character and he DESERVES a decent live action portrayal.

I’d end this with “sorry for rambling“ but no! More of us need to ramble about this very good character with so much potential!

[deathfm]

(  margaret qualley.  nineteen.  she/her.  )   everything’s fine,  WEDNESDAY ADDAMS,  you’re in the good place!  do you remember your last days in  THE ADDAM’S FAMILY VALUES? but don’t worry, your  ( chipped black nail polish, a sweet smile that promises nothing good, hollowness in her dark eyes, a dark monotone )  will fit perfectly with the rest of the good place, so long as you commit to the  MANIC PIXIE DREAM GIRL  despite your tendency to commit to  ( apathy )  that the architect of the good place said you were. it’ll just be like a fun acting exercise! just play along and everything will continue to be fun. (  pepper.  twenty three.  est.  she/her)

ABOUT THE MUN.  gay in the house and i’m in the house gay

hey bitch, do you really, really, really wanna go hard? hello all! my name is pepper. i meant to do this intro bit a bit earlier but i got very distracted by dr. stone so i apologize for that! i am also going to apologize in advance because i 1. have not rped in like three weeks and frankly you’re gonna be able to tell, i am very rusty and 2. i haven’t been in a multifandom rp.... in at least like a year, so i’m also very rusty at that! that said i freaking love the good place and i could not pass up this opportunity! if anyone has watched the show and wants to cry with me over jason mendoza,,,, hit your girl up. that said omg okay a bit about me: i say omg, like, and literally way too often, so sorry about that in advance. i’m also very canadian, which probably explains all the apologizing sdkjsdk. i work in a grocery store so i’m technically essential which means i will be disappearing semi often to do long ass shifts at work (rip) but i’m almort always lurking on mobile or discord so pleathe,,, hmu. and finally plotting and exchanging headcannons and things? my freaking lifeblood. i live for that shit. please talk to me, i’m beggin’. okay sdkjdskj now onto some stuff about everybody’s favourite goth girl, ms wednesday addams. 

CHARACTERIZATION.  sorry for being a dark sorcerer. as if its my fault.

okay, if you’ve ever watched any addam’s family content... i am really not deviating much from that. the daughter of a rather eccentric morbid family who grew up rather eccentric and morbid herself. has always had a facination with death that she now just gets to nurture in this environment (although lowkey wednesday is kind of dissapointed by the whole set up i’m not gonna lie). you get the vibe.

died in 1993! the height of rock and roll, pop boy bands, and chokers. 

definitely lowkey thinks that she’s a disappointment to her family for ending up in the good place in the first place. will be thrilled when it’s eventually revealed that this is the bad place. or well, as thrilled as wednesday gets. 

wednesday addams is a demigirl and you can’t change my mind. honestly considering making her straight agender tbh, because that just seems like fact to me. 

a bisexual icon. hates everybody but hates everybody equally. will fuck your shit up if you’re misogynistic, homophobic or racist. let me direct y’all to this video cause this is fact. 

kind of an arsonist honestly. loves to set things aflame. definitely did indeed set her summer camp on fire. is pretty proud of it. 

lowkey will miss her family so much while up here. she never really had friends outside of her family, like not real genuine ones. wednesday’s never really truly been on her own until the afterlife and she’s honestly a bit unsettled by it. won’t let it show in the slightest though, honestly you’d be sure pressed to see wednesday’s veil of indifference break for even a moment. that said, she definitely misses pugsley and lurch the most even though she’ll never admit it. might get lonely enough to actually attempt to find herself a friend we’ll see. 

truly a little bit witchy, but like regular person witchy considering wednesday never had any powers in cannon and certainly doesn’t now. will do a seance in her place to attempt to see if she can reach the mortal realm. is very seriously wondering where the demons are. would have a lot of medieval weapons in her place if it really was catered to her, but seeing as things are meant to be a bit off wednesday’s place is probably filled with stuffed animals and dolls, but not even creepy dolls... but cute ones. the whole room is bubble gum pink and whenever she tries to paint the walls black they just revert back... she’s mad about it honestly. 

that said wears black and only black at all times but that should be a given. 

is definitely wondering where her ex joel is. like she figured he would have popped up here after she scared him to death and so she’s a bit confused, but rolling with it. 

WANTED CONNECTIONS.  winks with my third eye

A SUSPICIOUS BYSTANDER. honestly i would die,,, for someone who realizes that wednesday definitely doesn’t belong here and mayhaps a team cockroach situation? like they both know they’re in the wrong place and they try to help each other hide it. please,,, i need it. 

PARTNER IN CRIME. kind of the new pugsley but it might be more of an equal relationship. basically someone who wednesday can drag into her messes. the person on the other side of the seance circle... they catch each other’s gaze through the incense smoke,,, the romance of it all no i’m kidding sorry sdkjdsj but i do want this connection!

UNLIKELY PAIR. an april and andy situation. they are complete opposites, one the doom and gloom and the other sunshine and rainbows,,, and yet someone it works. wednesday would kill someone for them.

TWO PEAS IN A POD. the opposite of the other connection because these two meet and just instantly click! they both have so much hate deep inside of them! and now they can share this hate with each other! it’s a match made in heaven (badum tsss) and probably one of the first times wednesday actually wants to really try to be friends with someone. 

CRUSH. either on wednesdays end or theirs i just feel like this could be really fun! 

ENEMY. someone who hates wednesday and who wednesday hates in return. their personalities just really clash, and wednesday knows that if she ever really does find herself in hell, she’s dragging them with her. 

UNSUSPECTING NEIGHBOUR. i don’t know why but i just find the concept of there just being some poor schmuck who wednesday pesters for like a lock of their hair or something. like they don’t deserve this. but she’s bored here in paradise and she’s making a bit of a game out of creeping them out. after all, what else is there to do?

and anything else under the sun folks, i would love to plot something specific to our muses out! so yes, smash that like button and i will come running!

[forcefuried-a]

ok but time for some real talk about vader’s redemption--

if i had seen star wars for the first time when i was like, my age, right now, i would never have accepted it. i’d probably be as upset as i was at zarkon and honerva’s redemption in voltron--absolutely furious, almost to the point of tears, lambasting star wars for the utterly offensive suggestion that someone who had been complicit in slavery and genocide should get to have a sweet dying moment with the kid he’d tried to kill. but i didn’t see star wars when i was my current age. i saw star wars when i was a kid, a little kid who was so naïve she wasn’t even aware she was being abused…i was so different back then, and that meant that when i saw vader telling luke to take off his helmet so he could see him with his own eyes--i thought it was beautiful. i thought the redemption was deserved. what is my current view on this? well, it’s somewhere in between.

logically, i know i should be ragingly upset. if i RPed him the way i would have RPed zarkon or honerva, i would not stick to the canon where ani got to be a light force ghost in that happy ending with luke on endor, i should be writing him as idk tormented in force hell for all eternity or some shit…or even killed by his own son rather than having died to save his life. heck, i would probably loathe this guy too much to even want to RP him at all, as i do with zarkon (at least in zarkon’s mainverse--alternate universe versions of zarkon i usually hc as good beans, but this is more out of my desire to have lotor grow up in a happy family). but i don’t. i accept his redemption and i even headcanon that force ghost anakin is the best version of anakin……i guess i’m just really sentimental for how that redemption scene hit me as a child and i can’t bring myself to hate even though i know i “should.”

what i do acknowledge now that i didn’t when i was a kid, however, is that he can never be fully redeemed. back when i was little i just, idk, walked around with the assumption that anakin could be forgiven all because he saved his son when now i realize that really, he can’t. in his survival AU i have him in exile because i acknowledge this--realistically, he will never be accepted by the galaxy at large and the best he can hope for is to have some good times with his son while they’re off living on a deserted planet. luke appears to forgive him for everything, and in the star wars novels leia and even han solo appear to forgive him too--even to the point that they name one of their sons after him, anakin solo. but that’s their choice and it doesn’t mean that i should expect others to forgive vader, because forgiveness is always up to the individual person and fuck i really forgot where i was going with this because my mom interrupted me to tell me that all the abuse i suffered at her hands was all in my head and that my friend of 8+ years was right to not believe me when i shared my story but……yeah. in conclusion, i will always love vader’s redemption due to childhood memories, but i at least have enough sense to know that at least in mainverse, his “redemption” will always come with a massive asterisk.

[northernstaar]

PSA: Anti call-out culture. This isn’t aimed at ANY---actually, yes. it is. This is aimed at anyone who supports bully-culture and call-out-culture. This is aimed at ANYONE who thinks its okay or funny to bully people or anyone who thinks its okay to send someone asks/anons that say “kill yourself!” “leave the RPC!” This is the reality of what’s going to happen if this culture continues. People are TOO careless, inconsiderate, etc, to realize something BAD is on the horizon with call-out, bully and hate-culture here in the RPC. Take a trip with me down memory lane. I’m not talking about 2012 RP. I’m talking about 2006 RP.

Why the hell would i choose 2006 RP? Well, it was an ACTUAL escape from real life. It was a world where a writer could broaden their writing or if not? simply just have FUN. It was a world where someone who was bullied, felt accepted. They could, for a couple hours, escape their identity and take their minds off their problems. It was a world where someone who suffered from depression, stood a chance in having their spirits lifted if only for a couple of hours. I’ve had the upmost pleasure of watching Roleplayers become actual best selling authors because of their exploration with their characters in RP. RP helped them spend time with their OCs and worlds and they went on to become amazing authors. THROUGH RP. EVERYONE minded their own business. Not just character-wise, but OOC-wise as well. Most people had a rule where they preferred NOT to disclose ANYTHING about their ooc-selves. You could speak to them of course, but jobs, family and sometimes even ooc names were off-limits. Now-a-days, people feel the need to post an entire paragraph about themselves.

Why were people so protective of their ooc selves? Because of how Tumblr RP is TODAY. Roleplay was what they did for themselves and Real life was none of anyone's business. If the people I met and still are friends with from back in 2006 still RPed, they would literally scream. There is NO privacy. People demand to know a writers: name, race, gender etc in order to be given peace and quiet in the RP. Age, I can understand. But what does it matter to you what that persons name, race, gender or sexuality is??? its none. of. your. business.

People now think that their RP character says something about the real persons views, morals, etc. That somehow? If you RP a villain, the person behind the computer is also going to go out and do those things? It’s called CREATIVE writing. Back then, RP really DIDN’T equal RL. People liked RPing with villains because they were that; a VILLAIN. They were cheeky, funny, rude, mean, etc. IT WAS FUN. You could be your favorite villain, hero, anti-hero and people weren’t concerned with the person BEHIND the screen. They were simply excited to see the CHARACTER.

WHERE AM I GOING WITH THIS, YOU ASK?

This isn’t about characters, pictures, themes, or anything like that. This is about PEOPLE and what’s going to happen to them if this shit doesn’t stop.

THAT RPC CALL-OUT, BULLY AND HATE-CULTURE IS GOING TO COST SOMEONE THEIR LIVES.

Roleplay is no longer a safe place for anyone because people feel like they OWN it to a degree that they have the right to dictate what EVERYONE does. It has become the very opposite of what it was created to be for; it now is FULL of bullies and people who are simply thirsty for blood. People that simply want to see someone...what? Do you want them to DIE? will that make you happy? will it satisfy you if your level of harassment causes someone to take their own life? Oh, that’s NOT what you want? Then what DO you fucking want? Because that is literally the only thing that seems like it. The toxic RPC call-out culture is going to be the reason someone takes their own life someday. Because its NEVER just one person sending someone hate. A person that has HUNDREDS of followers, sticks a target on ONE persons back, that means there are HUNDREDS of people attack them, too. Because they’re following the crowd. No one respects anyone. People attack someone without giving a SINGLE thought as to what that person is going through on the other side of that computer. They heartlessly send “death wishes” to these people without considering that that person might be suicidal and will take that as confirmation that they deserve to die. Or someone who has been sexually assaulted, and deals with it by writing it out and people anon-hate them because THEY don’t like reading it.

Answer me this, Tumblr RPC: WHAT. DO YOU. WANT? What will make you HAPPY? Will YOU FINALLY be satisfied with yourselves if your relentless bullying and endless call outs eventually drive someone to put a bullet through their skull? a razor-blade down their wrists? all for what? a community that ISN’T owned by ANYONE. A community of people who claim to be “anti-hate, anti-bullying, anti-drama” yet are the ones who spread the MOST of it? You don’t like that broad statement of suicide? But you’re so quick to send people things like “kill yourself” “get off tumblr” “you deserve to die” when the moment strikes when everyone else is doing it, but you don’t like to think of the deeper details of it. Like the fear, agony and relief as someone puts the barrel of a gun in their mouth two seconds before they pull the trigger. Or someone that cries in pain as a sharp object slices into the skin on their wrists and rips through their veins as they try to do it as quickly as possible to get it done. You don’t like that thought, do you? Too gory? Too graphic? Too SAD? Well you weren’t happy until that happened. Are you happy NOW ? It’s okay for you to watch that stuff on TV from 13 Reasons Why, but when someone writes about it, it makes you cringe? Then take a step back and realize something: THIS. NEEDS. TO. FUCKING. STOP. If Call-out culture, bully-culture and hate-culture doesn’t get stomped out, THAT’S whats going to happen to GOOD people. Someone that had their whole life in front of them, will be buried underneath six feet of dirt and rocks because people couldn’t be satisfied until they drove them to that point.

I know what many are going to say. “That’s a little extreme! But they’re THESE types of people and THOSE types of people! THEY WROTE THIS!” Now, I’m not saying that the truly problematic people like racists, pedophiles, etc, deserve to be “overlooked”. But the solution to this is so simple? don’t interact with them? warn your friends, warn other rpers privately, WARN THEM. That’s what we used to do in 2006. But for the more people who are simply creators and are good at portraying their characters or write things that they find to be therapeutic (like sexual assault victims, or ptsd sufferers), THESE are the ones I see called out and harassed the most. Those are the people I’m talking about right now. There are people that have been victims of call-out culture have come out and apologized PROFUSELY. Yet, i see people STILL attack them? So that just tells me “No, them coming out and apologizing is still not enough! I don’t know what I want! But I want it!” Well, guess what? It’s not about RP that they will end up taking their lives, its going to be the overwhelming amount of TORTURE that PEOPLE put on them. There is RP and there is RL and once you cross into RL and harass and bully and torment people, its no longer RP. That REAL person, becomes attacked. “That’s not what we’re saying!” But that’s how its going to end. The RPC call-out culure will NEVER be satisfied until someone takes their life.

2006 didn’t NOT have its draw-backs. I’m not saying it was the IDEAL time. People were pretty vicious. BUT ONE thing that has gone missing is the desire for someone to stand up in someones defense. No longer does anyone go to someone who’s being harassed and offer support. Instead, they follow the crowd and bully that person with others to avoid being attacked themselves. There’s very few of them here in the RPC and those few? Are absolutely rare gems. There’s always those handfuls. But shouldn’t that tell you something? In 2006, “hatesites” were popular. But those hate-sites were NEVER defended. Often, people HATED them, even if the disliked the person that the site was about. They stood up for that person because hating and bullying IS AND ALWAYS WILL BE WRONG.

The day that someone DOES take their lives because of this now-toxic community, ALL who told that person to do what they did, will be a KILLER. No, you may not have put the gun in their mouths, but you encouraged them to. That’s even worse. And that will give you the title you are most deserving of.

WHAT DOES CALL-OUT AND BULLY-CULTURE SERVE YOU?

So, if and/or WHEN that happens, how long will your SATISFACTION last? You make a call-out post, your little friends like it and giggle as they send “i hope you die” to someones inbox/ims, make public posts about them, tehehe, its all fun! You sent that person to their graves with your harassment. But...what happens to your satisfaction AFTER that? It’s not permanent. But that persons death WAS. They’re in the ground FOREVER and you experienced joy from their suffering for two minutes and are done and ready to move on.

You don’t think that will happen? You’d be surprised at what ANYONE will do when you rip away their creativity, hope and happiness. That is EXACTLY what RPC is working towards. All those memes you see of people “RP in 2023: someone: -breathes; everyone: -flies off the handle;” People are FEELING that toxicity. You think its funny, haha, but its because it’s true. That tension is here. It EXISTS and it GROWS everyday and more rapidly as people embrace this mindset to “gang up” on someone. The RPC is full of PTSD sufferers, Depression/Anxiety patients who use this community as a way of coping and therapy. So, you think that I’m just being dramatic? “Oh, that would never happen. It’s just RP.” Then think again.

Why does there need to be that unnecessary fatality?

See something being written that you don’t like? BLOCK THEM.

They don’t tag posts that upset you? BLOCK THEM.

A racist or problematic RPer? BLOCK THEM.

An annoying RPer you don’t like? BLOCK THEM.

An RPer you’ve had problems with in the past? BLOCK THEM.

A pedophile-infused writing? BLOCK THEM.

BLOCK. BLOCK. BLOCK. BLOCK.

You do NOT own RP. The next time you post a call-out and follow a heard of sheep that are bullying someone? Consider, for one second, that that person MIGHT be suicidal. Even if they are the worlds most EVILEST person, driving someone to their own deaths is NEVER okay. Wanna send me anon hate? Go right ahead. Fellow mutuals, wanna drop our threads? I understand. I will not be upset. But I will NOT for one second apologize for being against bullying and not wanting ANYONE to kill themselves. If my posting in defense of those people offends you? So be it. If my touchy, visual description of what suicide IS hurts your feelings? Consider how that person feels that you’re tormenting. If you unfollow me because of my getting sick and tired of the call-out culture? Go ahead. Support call-out culture? You do you.

[tokikukan]

KNOW THE MUN - for real! - THROUGH MUSE!

Tag muns you want to know better; repost - don’t reblog.

What inspired you to try/create this muse/s: I wanted to create a Oc with a very deep story and since I’m a little shit and I dunno how to do shit well, his creation became a thing during the whole process of the universe I’ve created with my gf!!!  so you can say, I wanted to add my small grain of sand to our story and little by little it was starting to expand to the point that it was needed a character tied with Zin and the whole thing about ‘how the fuck was created the worlds?’ so it happened. ...Kronos was born as the person who was always there but never no one knew it was there xD. Later he became in an important part of the plot of our story and I’m really happy that we could archive a huge new universe together!!

What is inspiration for this muse/s:  Basically roleplaying Vanitas because Kronos’ personality has his base on one of my Au version of Vanitas but, he is now very different from what I’ve planned at the beginning. Angst music, rock, pop, idek any kind of music actually?? and movies. And basically any shit I talk with my gf about our babies xD.

Thread/AU that made you really happy: I haven’t really rped him enough yet so I can’t really say I have a favorite thing going on here, but I love him writing in general so any threads are pretty cool <3!

Something really special on your wishlist: I just want to write him and have lots of fun!!! I’m not really seeking anything in particular, I want to see him getting emotional, angry, disappointed, happy, sad, etc. Because he is a character that is mostly reserved and I wish he could start showing all the things he doesn’t know about him yet ;v;

Something you are looking for in short future for your muse: Platonic friendships!!! enemies would be good too!! and well I want Kronos to be the dad friend to someone (and maybe adopt someone with Zin lmaooo)

Share something related to your muse! I think it's explained on his bio the past, but I did not point out that at first he had the thought of committing suicide instead of bringing everything to a new start, he had the idea of killing his own brother and then kill himself because he thinks that they did not deserve salvation. I gonna expand this on a text post latter with more details xD

What do you think about character’s design/how did you come up with it: I just wanted to tie his existence to something, and for plot purposes he had Vani’s face (my au vanitas not vanitas in general) so...after passed a few years, his design became more independent. I added him a eyepatch due to the development added in the recent rps I had with my gf and because it has a meaning why he has one of his eye covered. He has bicolor eyes, one grey and the other gold, the same as his young brother, his natural hair color is white but when he absorbed his parents powers when he killed them, his hair became black and that kind resembles the darkness that was inside them and they race wasn’t really pure at all.Having black hair is actually an stigma, he carries with the fault of his own race.

What your muse has taught you: Even if something is meant to be a failure, you can change the shape of the outcome with your own hands. You are not limited to how you could be seen in the outside, even the ones with grand faults can do great things. you're more than just what others see about you, and you are capable to change anything if you have the will to do that. A strong will can surpass any circunstamces...I think I've learned to be a better person because kronos wanted to do the same and through his eyes was very tough but the reward in the end worth it.

What is roleplay to you: something that helps me to relax, have fun and enjoy to create with others, I can use it when I am blocked with art and in general it has always been a passion for me to write, but i didn’t know I could do it in such a way lol.

Just say something nice about another mun!: in all honest this blog was an iniciative by my gf @cxrruptedlife, thanks to here I’m trying to get back to this place and to enjoy roleplaying in general. She might not believe it (or more like she doesn’t want to believe it) but she is a really amazing writer and rper, overall she is an amazing human being and deserves all the happiness. I’m so glad I met her and she is part of my life and my muses’ life as well. Thank you for everything babe, you’re an inspiration and also someone I’m so proud of!!!

tagged by: @diivinespxrks tagging: @gnectics, @viclate, @scarlctta, @doluus ummm and someone else who wants to lol.

[kawaiiwamine]

((I was hoping someone else would send it but you definitely do the character breakdown for Shuu. Iwasweetie or Iwamine or both. Someone talking about the rationalising of their muse is always interesting))

ask and you shall receive!! im putting the cut right up here bc uh wow lmao

Iwameanie

How I feel about this character

stupid sexy iwamine…. really tho thats the crux of its. hes hot to trot. and a megane. and scientists get extra hot points im just gonna say it. and hes gay. god made him for me. if iwamine shuu didnt exist i would have to invent him. i need him

All the people I ship romantically with this character

oh boy. i like shipping and i like him so ofc,

well i already talked abt my fondness for shuuya, so theres that

gotta have that papaiwa, of COURSE im too much of a softie to not have a scenario in which his crush is requited

with hitori? oh boy thats good. nanaiwa is good but not my ideal iteration of the ship. but idk smth abt him w hitori… theyre almost the same age, both are scalding hot, hitori is a character that i think would be capable of standing up to his regular shuu bs. its good! its always good whenever i see it and i want more!

you know what else is good? shuukazu! with kazuaki-kun! i can mainly thank selina for turning me on to it, it seems cracky at first but ive gotten to the point where im actually invested. its cute, what can i say? something about the coldest, meanest character having a soft spot for the frailest, squishiest character is just too delicious to pass up. and of course i have to mention that staff trio? ot3 to end all ot3s

im also gonna mention tohri (i like to call it nishuukikouji) its not one of my TOP ships and i dont think abt it too often but whenever i do see it im like yeah! hell yeah! and id def rp it given the opportunity

My non-romantic OTP for this character

i said this when i talked abt nageki but i feel like they could find some common ground in the right circumstances! shuu can be a good Fun Uncle that lets him get away with way more than hitori does lmao. really tho i would be happy to see him getting along w… anyone……. at all…………………………………

My unpopular opinion about this character

is genuinely wanting him to be happy unpopular? probably. ppl will say he doesnt deserve it but look… thats not the point……. the point is just that i need more positivity in hato dkjfhgkdhfj. also literally his entire life is just so sad its so pathetic and hard to watch i just need him to have like one good day at least ok. do it for me

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon.

well if ryuuji could not die that would be fucking SPECTACULAR. at the very least try to do as little murder as possible ok dear. make some friends or smth. please.

The man! The myth! The legend! Iwasweetie!!!

How I feel about this character

oh boy we could be here all day. so obv i loved shuu from like. day one. heres the thing tho… im a big ol softie who wants everyone to get along and be happy. i mean ok yes i also love angst… a lot…. but when the canon situation is already sad af i gotta Do Smth abt it. bc really everything abt shuu is so depressing already it doesnt need to be any worse please

so yes iwameanie in everyone lives aus and redemption arcs and all thats GREAT. like it, love it, gotta have it. but i also had another idea, which is just: what if he was? nice?

(i was mainly inspired by a sketch moa drew of a disturbed yuuya contemplating the idea of a nice shuu. also there was very briefly an ask blog abt a nice shuu which i thought was adorable but sadly idr the url! if its even still up!)

another big advantage is that since iwasweetie is so diff from iwameanie in so many ways, i have a lot of wiggle room. hes so vaguely defined in canon, which means i have a lot of opportunity to kinda do w/e i want which is really fun! theres enough already there to guide me and him having pre-established relationships is also helpful ofc but it also feels v liberated.

also since his life Is better, i dont have to feel so guilty abt putting him thru angst! woohoo

so honestly after all this time i just. love him. how could i not? obv bc ive rped him for so long but also bc hes just more. well hes actually lovable. bc he doesnt kill kids. thats nice. also hes just way more down to earth and easier to relate to so thats a big advantage too! basically i just. adore him and i want him to be happy (most of the time)

All the people I ship romantically with this character

everyone i said for iwameanie! its already blog canon (or “kawaiicanon” as i say) that hes crushing hardcore on hitori. that doesnt mean its blog canon that it actually happens, or that it doesnt. its left open to possibilities. he just has that Crush, thats for sure

also, him with kazu would just be. unbelievably sweet. you already talked abt it and tbh i agree w it all. it would be so good for them to have each other and it would probably be nice for shuu to have someone to dote on, maybe hed take better care of himself if he had someone else to take care of too

My non-romantic OTP for this character

ok i already said nageki but im gonna reiterate it here bc their relationship is SO important!! i love them!! theyre a little ragtag family of misfits but their love is the purest the earth has ever seen and thats a cold hard FACT

OH YOU KNOW WHO ELSE? SAKUYA. sakuya obv has a dumb gay crush on shuu already, maybe it would be helpful for him to have a role model he looks up to thats actually. kind of a good influence??? honestly m le bel needs to just Die and then shuu can adopt him, problem solved

My unpopular opinion about this character

hes just objectively the superior shuu and thats how it is i dont make the rules

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon.

eat more. sleep better. be happier. go to therapy. and please come out, honey

[shaeli-dawson]

26: My biggest pet peeves

"Cheaters and hypocrites.." She huffs. "Not talking about cheating at a game or dice, but speaking in the way of disloyalty. Can let go all the hate I want, but you deserve to have your teeth knocked in if you hurt someone like that. Hypocrites, pretty sure you would get sick of people saying one thing and doing another when they have your trust.((Now for OOC! I've been asked this A LOT! Thinking mostly because of people seeing what happened between myself and other people. Which thank you to those that minded their own business. 1. People not being able to have the difference of IC and OOC. You'll see this be on just about every last one of these pet peeves because it's that important. There's been more times than I care to admit that people take shit that happened between two characters seriously for how I feel toward the person OOCly. That's not the case. While it can irked me a little bit OOCly, I don't let it translate and manifest because it's only a game and only a story. The worse of this is when people start catching feels for the character and in turn the player. They are two completely different people. Then they start flirting with you all the time and it gets uncomfortable for everyone. 2. Clingy people. I don't mind getting a mesaage every so often, but if you're spamming me constantly and every few minutes...? STOP! I need my damn space. Honestly it get annoying whenever I'm trying to draw and my phone is vibrating while making lines for a piece. And in turn, I don't spam people for attention. Hell I'm hesitant that I'm bothering them if I reply too quickly or send multiple things at once. Like I've talked to a few people I've RPed with and sure they're like "Nah, you're fine! Poke me all you want." But that little voice in the back of my head is like "You're being annoying, stop it."3. Two dimensional characters/ Repeat archetypes. I know, you're comfortable with the formula that you got going, but doesn't it get boring after so long? No lie, I caught myself doing that not too long ago because I was falling into that slump. And this comes from being a female playing female characters. You want them to be strong, a badass, the take no shit from anyone sort because you wanna prove that you can be somebody. There's nothing wrong with trying something different to make you think. That's why I've made characters like my priest back on Horde. Compared to the snarky punk badass, she's smart and compassionate, for me that's hard because she's also a feminine character. Me? I have my moments, but not all the time. It just bothers me when you see the same cookie cutter type over and over.4. Godmodders/Meta-gamers. You know the asshats that think their character can't be touch? Then the bastards that take information from outside source to benefit them. Modders are horrible because you're trying to say that you "attempt" to hit and over and over they just dodge everything. Better yet, they throw an attack or overload you with attacks and go out of their eay to kill your...bruh fuck off. Those walls of text that you can't even process what the hell just happened. Now Metas get annoying because say you tell them this important stuff about your character, then they turn around and use it right away, no development to get to where they know it, they just do. While sure you can slip in a few things if it'll help progress the story, but my god if you decide to take every little secret my characyer has and exploit it? Again fuck off.))

[rosemillennials-blog]

[ typist info. ]

✨ TAGGED BY: @softestmood​ technically tagged my other blog, but, screw it, i’m doing it here! There’s far more new people here I want to get to know. ✨ TAGGING: @panickypeachboy @felixpanthera @cataleyatakahashi @afleuridanskalos @kaeberrii @yamiygi @unknownvariable999 @calorranger @catharsi and anyone else who’d like to do it!

NAME: Tevye! Tev for short. Call me Tev. People usually only say ‘Tevye’ if they’re angry with me. GENDER: Cis male. EYE COLOR: It’s like a weird hazel thing? I don’t know, actually. Multiple people have tried and failed to figure it out. HAIR COLOR: Light brown. It used to be blonde when I was a kid. RELATIONSHIP STATUS: Happily taken by the wonderful @softestmood​!! We’re moving in together in a few months. Shit’s hype. ZODIAC: Pisces! And fitting every stereotype. FAVORITE COLOR: Black. It’s about 50% of my wardrobe (and another 25% is grey). FAVORITE SEASON: Spring. FAVORITE PLACE: Anywhere with a cute puppy that i can play with, that’s my favorite place in the whole wide world.  FAVORITE HOLIDAY: Christmas is a fun one! My girlfriend’s birthday is the day before, and then I get to see some family on the day itself. I usually get some money, too. It’s a good one. FAVORITE VIDEO GAME: Zero Escape: Virtue’s Last Reward. In my mind, it’s the pinnacle of storytelling within a video game medium, and a masterclass in how to expertly weave a complex narrative through player actions. I can seriously talk about this game for hours at a time. LAST SHOW YOU WATCHED: I don’t have cable at home, but I watched some Wild ‘n’ Out clips on YouTube this morning. They were amazing! There’s so many talented people in the cast, you really have to wonder about all the jokes they cut out. Not sure how I’d work that type of insult comedy into my muses, but Julia is a good candidate for that. WHAT’S YOUR HONEST OPINION ABOUT YOUR MUSE?: Julia’s one of the most important muses I’ve ever done, really fulfilling the role of a vent muse better than anyone else (although Diana comes close). Even when she’s not active on Tumblr, I always have muse for her. As for Sami, I’m still figuring out, but, he’s a fun one! Certainly the gayest guy I’ve ever done. He’s so good at crossdressing that you can’t even call it drag. WOULD YOU DATE YOUR MUSE?: I’ll do you one better than that - in a fuck marry kill scenario, I’d totally fuck Sami and marry Julia. And, with a dual-muse, I wouldn’t have to kill anyone! Nice! WHAT ARE YOUR FAVORITE KINDS OF THREADS?: Slice of life stuff fits these muses really well, especially Julia. Modern-verse adventure threads are a popular theme on other muses I do, and I have a ton of fun doing fluff. ARE YOU A SELECTIVE ROLEPLAYER?: Not really? Like everyone else, I’ll prioritize certain threads over others, but other than that, I’m open to a wide variety of verses and threads! And I’m following almost everyone back so far. DO YOU HAVE A FAVORITE MUSE?: Julia’s one of my all time favorite muses, and someone I hold very near and dear to my heart. Gardy’s an inactive OC who I RPed for nearly six years, he’s definitely a fave. And for canon characters, my faves are all three people on my Zero Escape blog. They’re all my faves. They deserve all the nice things.

[twilightttv-a]

are there any plots that you really want to write, but haven't had the chance to?

Oh jeez there’s so much so I’ll do it by muse

Aaron

Ronnie dating a villain

More!! Conflicting relationships with Peters!!

Lowkey wanna find someone who’d b up for rping his actual brother Peter and not alt dimension Pete

The one where he meets a Pete from a alt verse spider fam where Ronnie died on a mission when he was young and that Peter has a lot of guilt abt it god the ANGST

Harry Osborn

Avengers???? He’d have a heart attack if they knew who he was instead of thinking he’s Peter

Superhero friends. Partners in crime fighting??

Andy

Ghost Andy haunting someone

Ghostie trying to take over Andy’s life and it’s just Very Off as he tries to keep up this ruse

FWB

God I want him to interact with more Chris’

Sam and Andy track time

More shit with Chris, Andy and Josh as kids

Post game Andy’s fucking mental destruction

God I talked abt this with others but the left behind Au. Andy, Emily and Josh were left behind when the helicopter came. It’s so sad I love it

Also?? I can’t remember who I talked to abt this but au where Josh didn’t make Chris choose between him and Ashley but him and Andy because Holy Shit Chris has to choose to kill one of his closest friends that’s so fucked up and it will absolutely break Andy

Bryce

Superhero friends

Classmates!!!!

FliNGS

Cir

More of her American Gods and Umbrella Academy verses i love them so much

More adult Cir shenanigans let her fall in love oh my god

Cir! Being! A! Big! Brother!!!!!! She’s the worst influence

More mother figures in her life she needs them

Cir dealing with superheroes they still scare her shitless

Zombie Cir because she’s absolutely tragic

Mal

Be in his class. Go to the villain academy

Victim shit he’s such an asshole

Him killing someone and vice versa

Get a key from him to the timeless mall

Nilo

I just haven’t rped with him at all lmao

Rickey

Horror! Dads!! HORROR DADS!!!!!

Zombie verse with any sort of zombie apoc muse

Give him a BOYFRIEND HE DESERVES LOVE

Addams family adopt him

Him as an adult and either working as a teacher or mortician

Scooby doo muses!!

THE MAGNUS ARCHIVES OH MY GOD HES PERFECT THERE

Roxanne

Give her more female friends

A maternal / big sister figure for girls (boys are also welcome but she’s focused on supporting young women)

Let her be VANYAS FRIEND

She wants to DOM MEN IN BED and goddamnit she WILL put a collar on him

Be in a show with her

Her superhero verse oh my god she’s so powerful

Partnerships? Partnerships

TJ

American gods verse I love Dryad TJ

More her with the other losers

TJ 👏 dates 👏 Beverly

She comes out to Richie cause they have queer solidarity

CAMPING

Trevor

Villain partners

Recognize him from his times as a hero and he Hates It

Tyrus

FAMILY FAMILY GIVE HIM A CHILD

Found family is so good let him adopt some kids

More relationships

New crews. Better crews

Let him be a ravanger and meet Peter Quill (let them kiss)

[safestsephiroth]

An Explanation for My Departure from The Riskbreakers, or: A Tale of Failure

This is my story with FFXIV to this point, an explanation of the current situation, and my plans for the future. The only person “indicted” or “called out” here is me. Should you feel the need or desire to contact me about this subject, and what I’ve written below does not feel comprehensive enough to you, please feel free to.

CW: extreme depression, suicidal thoughts

I joined Final Fantasy XIV against my better judgment. I hated MMOs as a genre. Paying for the subscription would, at the time, be a dicey prospect. I had plenty of other games to play, plenty of other things to do.

But I was lonely. Terribly lonely.

What I saw in FFXIV was a chance to play a game and make new friends. When I first got the game, the only person I knew in-game was @onwesterlywinds. But there was more than just that. I didn’t know anything about the community whatsoever. I didn’t even follow many Final Fantasy blogs in general at the time. I got the game at Livvy’s behest and specifically to play it with her.

I had never roleplayed in a game before. My prior experiences with text-based RP (except those linked to a tabletop game system, such as Vampire: The Masquerade) were universally terrible. Embarrassing. I had horrible associations with those memories. I was terribly nervous when I first RPed, and the first character I made in FFXIV, Blaetlona Isilmynawyn, was intentionally made in response to this and my general lack of knowledge of the game or its world. Blae was overwhelmingly cheery and optimistic to the point of obliviousness, which gave me a free out of any nervous situation, as well as being completely naiive about the world so I would be able to slide on not knowing important things.

I made more characters over a long, long period of time. It was a crawl, really. I gave each character tons of effort, plenty of introduction, and loved them dearly. But in all honesty, I was terrible at RP for the first year or two. Just abysmal. A bad RP partner who overstepped boundaries constantly because I was used to GMing games, making decisions about the game world to make for interesting plots.

I am embarrassed and ashamed of how long it took me to learn that lesson.

Over time, my connection with The Riskbreakers grew into a wonderful friendship. I did everything I could to be pleasant to be around - farmed gil I spent on in-game birthday presents for other company members, was a positive presence in /fc, and helped out with PVE content when I could - I was terrible and hated the endgame gear grind, hated the very idea of dropping either weeks of time or shitloads of gil so I could experience something I didn’t give a damn about. Because it was never about the gameplay, it was about the story - of the game, and of the RP.

It was glamour that got me out of that shell and into the Crystal Tower. That led to me doing MSQ through the abject misery of 2.1, well into 2.3 or 2.4′s time.

The problems, all along, were my fault. I didn’t want to play the endgame when I could instead level alts or RP. I didn’t want to waste time on parts of the game I was sure to just find frustrating. I hated the weekly cap, hated the tome grind, hated the very idea of doing coil.

In Heavensward, I started to care so much more about the gameplay, in large part because it was made better pretty much across the board. I remember I didn’t even do the MSQ for like two months - I was too busy leveling DPS jobs in the magical dungeon queues that happened right at Heavensward launch, where DPS was always adventurer in need.

What I always loved about The Riskbreakers (RISK) was the atmosphere. Everyone was friendly towards everyone, the RP was fairly loose and there was a lot of room for creativity. I made so many characters with such variety - nowhere else would my cast include a privateer, a melodramatic bard, an ages-old assassin hiding in plain sight, and a fangirl! Every step of the way, it felt fantastic to be supported. To be respected.

About a year and a half ago, towards the tail end of May 2016, as I recall, I feel I lost that respect irrevocably. I was struggling with severe depression at the time and I had so many difficulties suppressing my agitation in the company Skype chat that I followed an implicit suggestion and voluntarily left said Skype chat with the promise I’d be allowed back in whenever I wanted. To be frank, this was the worst decision I could have made. RISK was practically all of my daily socialization. Without access to the Skype chat I missed planned events, I missed out on the lives of people I cared deeply about. And I really, truly cared, with all my heart. In the darkest times, when FFXIV was all I had in my life that I could still count on enjoying, I tried to cling even harder to the community of friends I had. But I’ve always been a shy person, and that meant the only people I really knew at the time were in The Riskbreakers.

By sequestering myself, I killed my social life. You may be able to imagine that this did not help my depression. It was a terrible decision I had made, but the damage stayed done. I ended up installing Discord, a program which at the time I had zero interest in, because there was a RISK Discord server and I’d hoped to be able to reconnect through that. But I didn’t, and I couldn’t. I found myself afraid to talk to people I’d known for years because I thought, deep down, they all knew I deserved the isolation.

It was irrational of me, sure. But I was far beyond the point of rationality for a long, long time. Maybe I still am. Probably. I still remember there was a resistance to the movement to Discord because of past experiences by some of the membership, people who’d seen that cliques tend to form in situations where not everyone can/wants to be on mic. I tried. I really did try to be of use, to be a positive presence.

But after days of getting up my courage, the first call I joined ended quickly thereafter. As did the second. Thusly convinced it was my fault, and that I was secretly hated, I elected not to join calls uninvited. It felt rude, like intruding into a conversation at a restaurant. It wasn’t talking with friends anymore. There was only so much I could take.

My depression grew worse, and worse, and worse, as my life fell further into a downward spiral. I took increasingly long sabbaticals from RP or even all of FFXIV. I found other games to dive into. I found more distractions to keep back the voices telling me they all hated me and suicide was the only option I had left.

Even as Fanfest approached, I didn’t feel much better. I think everyone remembers that in general 2016 was a shitty year for most people, and it was especially bad for me. Much of my good cheer and will to carry on came from The Crucible. Much of my will to live came from the handful of people I was deeply entrenched in RP with, who I decided to trust.

There were a lot of sins I committed, then - abandoned plots, failure to show up for company plans, missed events - and I regret them all. I don’t feel I can or should be forgiven for what a sorry excuse for a company member I was at the time and since. After the first Heavensward MSQ RP arc which I didn’t much enjoy, something I never once voiced properly because I was hoping the problem would just go away, I skipped a major RP arc in Palace of the Dead for a reason so petty and selfish I won’t mention it here. I jumped into the next one because I felt that my connection to the company was slipping. Sometimes I wanted to leave so I could have less reasons to live.

For all I wanted to blame other people, it was me. It was always me. Every step of the way. If I had just reached out and asked for help, maybe it would’ve been different. If I’d been bluntly honest, maybe it would’ve been better. But I didn’t want to be a problem anymore. I already bothered people so much they’d leave calls if I showed up, right? So reaching out at all, particularly publicly? Not an option. I didn’t want to hurt others. I didn’t want to be selfish. But maybe I should have been, just a little.

For a long time, I lived thinking I would never reconnect with FFXIV RP outside the three (and, over time, two, then one) people I had frequent RP with. Instead of enjoying RP with RISK I found it stressful and unfulfilling, both out of a fear of fucking things up and a general dislike of where things were going. My favorite part of the company was the generally loose standards it played by, after all.

I used Rydia Misuto as a way to cope. By making a character with so much effort put in, so much potential for growth, and a story of so much more grand a scale than I usually did, I expected people to be impressed with me. Rydia came in December 2015, at the cusp of the depressive phase that never really went away completely since it started, but I was proud of her. I loved writing her. I was so inspired by her. Brohamut and I planned great things for her and Cecilia Harvey, and we elected to keep our plans largely a secret so others could be surprised by this story we were collaboratively telling. Suddenly the magic had returned before it had faded.

But I shot myself in the foot. I fucked myself over before I’d begun, because I was so casual about her character that she was quickly just the “lettuce brat”. I tried my best to depict a character who had gone through hell and lived, and came out severely traumatized and unable to adequately cope with it. Someone in need of help they were reluctant to seek. I had hoped that something this different would be of interest to people.

It was a mistake.

A depressing story like hers? Nobody wanted that. Not really. There were lots of expectations heaped upon her because of the association with the character from FFIV. Though I did my best to clarify she was inspired by the character and never meant to be anything close to a 1-to-1 transition, I clearly screwed that up, too.

Rydia, a character written extremely seriously, became ‘the lettuce brat’. She ended up little more than comic relief in the eyes of most people, I feel, and the more I struggled  to RP her more and get her taken more seriously the more I lost the fight. I misread the situation. Nobody would have wanted to RP with her no matter how I’d played her. Some things are just uncomfortable, and it’s not really other peoples’ obligation to explain that things make them uncomfortable.

The final nail in the coffin of my membership with RISK was the reformation leading into Stormblood RP. The free and open company of eclectic, bombastic personalities became a paramilitary and overnight practically none of my characters fit anymore. Jaraku doesn’t belong in a uniform taking orders. Grey didn’t want to fight. The only IC RISK member I had that was cool with it was Resh Viqqoh.

And even writing for The Crucible, carrying on other RP plots, playing Stormblood, I still tried to make Resh interesting. It was a new lease on the character who’d for so long been a nothing presence. Making her a full-on engineer wasn’t just logical, it was beautiful. It was a great evolution from her involvement in prior RP. It was a great thing.

I was so, so happy to be able to contribute, but once again I sank myself. I didn’t hunt people down to ask for RP, and the weapon dossiers I made just weren’t interesting enough to hold attention. Not one person wanted anything to do with the ‘engineering department’, which consisted of who I now see was mostly considered a kooky side character and an actual, literal child. I was doomed from the start.

Thanks entirely to Brohamut and The Crucible, I was able to find RPers outside the FC who were interested in RPing with me. I got over a lot of my shyness and came out of my shell a lot more because it felt less like one mistake would get me kicked. In my depressed state, I was convinced I was always a hair from being politely asked to leave RISK.

I never wanted to worry anyone, so I kept it to myself, almost entirely.

When my last-ditch effort with Resh failed and I found myself (on my second account) in other free companies who I felt more kinship with than RISK, the end was inevitable. If I wasn’t going to be allowed to RP with RISK as Rydia, if my characters were doomed to languish (because of my mistakes, because of my writing, because of my crippling sleep disorder I still don’t have a handle on) in a company with which I had precious little business RPing, then why not leave?

When I first broached the topic to Livvy, I told her I wanted to leave in small numbers, a bit at a time, so nobody would panic. And because I wanted to have the option open to come back. But that was me being a coward again.

So instead, I’m leaving in total now. And I want this explanation visible to the company I loved more than I had ever loved myself so that there’s no doubt or rumor about why I did it.

Now, as far as what I’m planning for RP purposes:

Any character who ends up retired/replaced will have a public post of their epilogue. I hate retcons, hate them, so I would rather write the end of their story than do what it would take for them to continue on outside the company, i.e. deny it existed IC. I’m not going to do that.

-Blaetlona Isilmynawyn is up in the air. I’ve had no real reason to RP her in any meaningful way in about a year. She’s tentatively considered an ‘open’ slot for new character creation 

-Grey Riot will be retired. This has been a long time coming and was discussed in advance with relevant parties.

-Jaraku Drake is moving on from RISK, and IC has more plans now than ever. Apparently leaving the company was the best thing to happen to him from my perspective because now he has much more freedom to go different places and do more things.

-Zwynmaga Doesmagasyn, as the ‘biker gang’ RP series is completely abandoned/concluded, is up for replacement for new character creation should this be necessary.

-Bernard Undertaker, an integral part of the Undertakings arc, will remain involved in that arc so long as he lives IC. However, as I am neither able to afford nor justify spending $50 on him at this time for a story + job jump just so he can do one in-character action, I will not be taking him to Stormblood.

-Natalya Nibiru is up for replacement or radical shift in attention/direction. Potentially, I’ll keep her on to RP with Gaelle.

-Resh Viqqoh is going to require either EXTREME shift in character, or, more likely, replacement.

-Rydia Misuto will be one of my highest-priority RP characters because I owe it to her to give her a serious story that will be worth reading about, especially now that I am free of any burden of worry about how her story will conflict with others’.

-A’sato Clueless, made specifically for an RP arc I completely ruined immediately out of panic (which is not an excuse), will be replaced with a much better character for an arc I intend to go well which will be wholly unrelated to RISK.

-Gaelle Troyes will either continue to RP alongside Natalya/doing her own thing or be returned to retirement. Likely the former. I do enjoy those two and their dynamic.

-Gerrith Gaffgarion will be taken in other directions, as it was made clear to me (tragically late) that plans changed and he will not be needed or wanted in any RP involving RISK. He has already continued his successful career via a job which was part of a story arc conceived, planned, and carried on by @sasha-rochester and their closest RP partner, who are both phenomenal writers I have nothing but good to say about.

-Tange Shishido remains a willing teacher to anyone in the Far East who desires to learn how to use a katana to kill Garleans.

As the rest of my characters are not directly affiliated with RISK in any meaningful capacity, I feel no need to address my plans for them.

I hope those of you who took the time to read this can understand my decision. I hope I can be forgiven. At this time, I don’t know if I’ll attend any future company events. I will be leaving the skype chat and discord server, however, as it seems appropriate to do so given the circumstances. I never used the RISK server to play Overwatch, anyway, and it’s not as if I ever felt welcome in calls there.

[voxvulgi]

&&&

send ‘&’ for 3 blogs i recommend

So, 3 times 3 is nine. Here goes:

@ribbedxgloves

I’ve known Ari since before Hailey came to life. She’s known me since I was king of the smols and will hopefully continue to be my friend and write with me until a terrifying global virus do us apart. (I sure hope that’s never!) She RPed with Dawn briefly and then took my Hailey and turned her into a real Disney princess. Not only that, but she brought Althea back to me, helped me make Adonis, and fuels my creativity every time I speak to her. She’s an amazing writer, and even better plotter, and an even better friend.

@elysiahellfire

MY SATANMON ROLL. I’ve known Vee even longer, and she’s the reason Zoran developed into a round character and is still good and around. She stuck with me through the time where I was smol and a newbie who knew nothing about RP manners (thank you to the moon and back; oh my goodness how did you deal djksnhadosijfo). She’s there when I need her, and more importantly, not there when she knows she needs to be elsewhere. Vee is an example I hope to imitate as I grow. She’s an amazing role model. You’ll almost never guess how she managed to make such wrecked muses with how well she has herself together. She’s a master time manager and a master writer. An absolute damn snail, but nothing good ever came out of haste (i’m looking at you sara what a nerd). Every time a reply posts, I have to take a moment to wonder how I came upon such a wonderful partner.

@floralgardenswitches // @aworldfullofmuses // @dysfunctionalmasons

MEL IS MY WIFE. She’s such a lovely cinnamon roll, all enthusiasm and love and talent. I haven’t RPed with all her muses yet (there are sO MANY HOW DO YOU EVEN MANAGE OHMYGOD) but if I get the chance to, no way I’d say no. They’re all so different and seriously amazingly thought out. Mel’s writing is so PERFECT and I get too excited not to reply as fast as I can because she also thinks up such amazing storylines and creates the best character dynamics. I love her with all my heart

@anomaliies // all the other blogs

I know I’ve said this a million times, but Savvy is my beautiful, talented, insightful, amazing smol twin. She has the most beautiful soul and can breathe life into any character she writes, canon or not. (Honestly, what’s the difference?) Her portrayal of canon is even better than actual canon, and her OCs, though I haven’t gotten to RP with all of them yet, are AMAZING to put it lightly. I love hearing her talk about them, I love writing with them, and I love every time I check my notifications to find a reply from her. She’s an amazing RPer and a very hard-worker in general, and I’m beyond glad I met her.

@warrioroflondonbelow

CHRISTINE IS THE SWEETEST. Hands down. I mean, I have a ton of sweet friends but??? I can’t? I just can’t???? She’s so full of love, always throwing comments and memes at me, always up for new ideas and any general rambles. I love the brief chats where I just get to know her better. I love every thread we have, even the ones we lost, and I endlessly want more. I haven’t even read Neverwhere (YET!!!) but I’m already so very in love with Richard Mayhew because of this amazing RPer’s representation of him. She gets into his littlest quirks and loves to break him down in many situations to explore his character, and if that isn’t good character study, I don’t know what is. I love you, Hannah!!!

@growinguphartless

I’d just leave this here and say “NERD” and move on, but even the endearment “nerd” wouldn’t do Mary justice???? I’ve first seen her RPing with one of my partners, and I was a little intimidated by her because she’s so perfect and her muse was so perfect and I was (and still am obv) a potato. But me, the potato, finally approached her at some point, and MAN DO I NOT REGRET IT. She’s so easy to talk to, easy to explore characters with, easy to hypothise with, and so dAMN EASY TO CRY WITH??? IF SHE TELLS YOU I AM NOT CRYING FOR AT LEAST 50% OF OUR CONVERSATIONS, SHE FUCKIN’ LYIN’. Dudes, I just love Mary and talking to Mary and don’t get me started on her OCs because OH MY GOD. If the love she gives them was sugar, they’d all be dying of diabetes rn. Not even insulin will help them. Nothing will. They’re so well-rounded and thought-out and so very very very LOVED by her that it’s difficult not to love them yourself and I. Just. Cannot. Bye.

@dangerous-smoll

Wanik and I met when her lovely muse Nita killed Hailey’s brother. It was a full moon, very spooky, so many ghosts, very cold. I saw the Flying Dutchman that day. Actually, that’s not how we met, but the time I first saw her, and I’m very glad that I did and that we approached each other because oh mY GOD. I don’t even know how to put it into words. Wanik puts so much work into her muses, her threads, her blog in general. And she gives so much love and attention to her partners it’s like…HOW? How do you manage to be so nice and supportive and run such a lovely blog with such a great variety of such deep muses? I die.

@the-storm-within-me

My Eve???? My love???? My beautiful bundle of awesomeness? How do I even explain how much I admire Eve???? She’s an amazing human. Nika is amazing. Nick is amazing. Eve and her interactions all bring me joy (and pain let’s be real) because she portrays such amazing, loving and caring muses who have their flaws and quirks. And the thing is??? You can’t even help but love them WITH their flaws and quirks?? Because they’re the perfect combination of characteristics. Honestly, they have the positive traits people admire and the vices people love. I wish I can meet Eve, Nika, and Nick in person. But for now I guess I just have to settle for tHIS AMAZING WRITING THAT I DO NOT DESERVE.

@endlessdrifter

Do I really need to do this again? I mean, if y’all didn’t hear me the first 9732481273 times: Dave is awesome in all the ways that count. Purely fantastic writing. He always gives me something to work with (even the times I suck and give him nothing to work with lmao) and something that surely gets a response from my characters. His muses are endless (ba dum tss!) and all distinct and unique and so very loveable. I love even the ones I haven’t met yet (because obv) and treasure the ones I have. You can rip Scoot, Jorge, Asher, Dane, Ray, Max, and Luke from my dead cold fucking hands. Lastly, if you’re ever in the mood for good conversation, definitely hit up Dave. (Unless you burped and want a high five. Apparently, this guy believes in ETIQUETTE OR WHATEVER.)

Bonus for the people who really love nice things on their dash (also did you really expect me to recommend only 9 blogs wtf guys???):

@altrxistisms

LOTTIE PATOTTIE MY BABY. This girl is under my protection, and so is my baby Jolie. I may have -1 fighting skills but you have to get through me if you wanna do so much as look their way, okay??? Okay. Now that we’ve cleared this up, I just need to stress the fact that Lottie (mun) and Jolie (muse) are the most precious people in the world. You’re gonna fall in love with them whether platonically or romantically. They’re gonna bring light to your life because they’re literally stars that fell from the sky and since they can’t bring happiness to heaven anymore they have to bring it to you.

@cupido-periculosa

Cip, I’m pretty sure I talked to you more than anyone else in the past few days, and you can honestly blame this on Vladimir Tod and his antics. But you have to blame THAT on yourself and D’Ablo because you had me go back to the bookstore and buy the box set after explicit instructions from my mom not to buy anything. I’m young, dumb, broke, and emotional because of you. (And Adonis is just young, dumb, and emotional. And let me tell you that choosing Dan Stevens as an FC for D’Ablo is probably the best thing anyone did ever. You know, right after that other thing you did where you breathed life into an underrated middle school villain and made him one of my favourite fictional characters of all time.)