#nobody has ever been interested in me. | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

strangegirl556 · 7 months

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you float like feather

in a beautiful world

i wish i was special

#wish the love of my life (boy i’ve been infatuated with for two years since i first saw him in my algebra ii class)#would look at me #just a single fucking glance #it’s a shame i’m fucking hideous #so fucking ugly so fucking disgusting #doomed from the start #maybe he would give me a chance #if i was good-looking and not fucking otherworldly smooth-brained looking #and despicably grotesque to observe.#i love you so much #please please please just look at me #it kills me everyday when you look right through me.#nobody ever looks at me.#nobody has ever been interested in me.#i’m walking molded bread aroma - they’re so disgusted by me.#and there is not a single fault i can put upon them.#i deserve to be fucking killed and rped.#thought #obsession

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dadvans · 6 months

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hobbies.

whenever i'm facing writer's block, i re-open the fic that is the easiest for me to write without thinking, which is my would-be-about-as-historically-accurate-as-it-could-get-if-it-weren't-omegaverse oregon trail PWP AU (normal), and instead of posting anything, i just keep adding more pretending there isn't a john mulaney-coded voice in my head saying "...could be a series"

#if i were ever to file the serial numbers off of anything #it would be the m/m omegaverse oregon trail work of fiction #for a commercial audience of NOBODY #but write for yourself etc etc #and the gremlin in me who has been reading all the unabridged problematic diaries of overland trailers since i was a child would be sated #i could probably get a doctorate in sexuality on the overland trail tomorrow but that doesn't have mpreg so i'm not interested #delaney writes

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lock-my-feelings-in-a-jar · 5 months

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Please BE EXCITED about stuff you like/ want to be excited about 💞 That's what life supposed to be about, finding joy in the smallest things, in the things we enjoy and love. And the people that judge us for having that joy in our hearts lose their own life, because they spend too much time judging someone else's life instead of doing something with their own. FUCK them

this is one of my favorite asks and i love you

#nobody will ever stop me from getting excited about things i like #i just always feel like i'm not allowed to share that excitement with anybody directly because of being made fun of in the past #or like i at least have to tone it down by like 99% and make it very brief #because of fear of rejection so i keep it to myself contained in my own space #sometimes i really wanna talk about my favorite things with somebody but i'm like #'nobody knows or cares about this. what if i send something and they hate it and tell me it's horrible'#(a reaction i've been the most used to. either that or just silence)#and i wouldn't know who would actually be interested or if i would be putting them in a situation #where they're not interested at all but they're too nice to say it and then i feel annoying if i keep talking about it #because now even if it isn't SAID that they hate it i still always feel like people are thinking that behind it all #so like if somebody came at me right now telling me everything i like is horrible #that itself wouldn't really bother me because i could just block and continue life without a second thought about that person specifically #because that's just unnecessary and rude regardless of what it's about and i would assume it's just somebody looking to stir things up #delete/block. not taking it personally and not worth thinking about #but it's the anxiety built up from it happening for so long and so consistently from so many people and some that i used to be close to #that now it feels to me that everybody feels that way even if i know LOGICALLY that it isn't true. the feeling is still there #it's one of the long-term effects that are so hard to get rid of once they're set #this is just another thing about myself to work on for probably my entire life #but russ has been helping me with so much lately it's unbelievable

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voided-selfships · 2 months

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I might need to remove Angel from my f/o list

#god its been so long i dont want to let go of them but i can feel my interests. lie somewhere else. i need to let her go #and i. dont think im interested in her anymore;;#i was a little guy when i selfshipped with her. its been- god how long? like 4-5 years? i may be moving on #nobody look at me i need to mourn. 5-6 business days #i shouldve known this was going to happen im older now!!! and my interests have changed since the last time i got into borderlands like this #sorry im going through the stages of grief as we speak #and the current object of my attention- yeah i need to let her go #next post i drop an entire powerpoint case study on h.andsome j.ack just so yall know where im at #that man has BPD! hes just like me fr!!! [<- has bpd]#wish me luck in these trying times i am going fucking through it /neu #convincing myself its not weird is like trying to get an animal to take medicine. i dont think i ever saw him as a familial. platonic yes #familial? gods no #whispers into the void || chatter

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abyssalreds · 8 months

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gege needs to retire his character death note and hand it off to asagiri i swear 😭

#my sister (misinformed) told me yuta died in the latest jjk ch and i was so nervous looking at leaks #bc its smthn gege /would/ do and i really like yuta #thankfully he’s fine he just made an appearance in the latest ch thats all #tell me why my first thought after was ‘man that was a thrill i wish new bsd chapters made me feel like this’ 😭#my biggest gripe w. bsd will forever be how all the characters always come out of battles completely unscathed #nevermind the 500 injuries they sustained #nobody ever dies or gets new battle scars or life changing wounds etc etc it kinda makes the stakes boring when you know the character will #be fine when alls said and done #and honestly this wouldn’t be problem for me if ! asagiri didnt deathbait so damn much !#he’s allergic to actually killing off a character and thats how i Know fyodor prob isnt dead #and neither is sigma bc fyodors ability is still a big mystery and we need them to reveal it for us #bc asagiri never killed anyone major off in the main manga before its hard to believe that he killed these two off 🤷‍♀️#and ig fukuchi but all those theories of him being the masked man at the s5 cliffhanger has me squinting suspiciously #tbh idc if its my fav character who dies if it’ll make the plot more interesting then send them to the gallows !!#(okay maybe not lucy but she barely gets any panel time shhh)#like i like fukuzawa but i also think itd be interesting to see what would’ve happened if he died in the battle vs fukuchi #bc the aftermath would be a change in status quo and it would’ve been interesting to see the change in dynamics in the ada and #how they deal w. his loss !!#on the other hand gege killing off his characters too frequently . . . doesnt rlly need an explanation #(jjk spoilers?) now w. yuta going up against sukuna . . . please keep him safe gege i beg 🥲#anyways. enough rambling now to go back to shoving bsd to the back of my mind lol #ayra croaks

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muffinrag · 11 days

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it's a feeling sorry for myself type of night im afraid

#none of my friends are interested in star trek #none of them want to listen to me talk about star trek #nobody on tumblr interacts with my posts about star trek #i am left alone boiling alive in my thoughts about star trek #also it feels like nobody is interested in me as a person nobody cares about me in a meaningful way #nobody loves me nobody wants my body and i scream endlessly into the void and nothing and nobody ever answers #wait kes broke up with neelix for real? i must have missed that #i mean that alien that inhabited her broke up with neelix in her place but i didn't realize they did it for real for real #... all self-loathing has been replaced with star trek #.txt

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an-incoherent-mess · 4 months

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So I'm really into genealogy and have been for a few years now and I'm blessed with being really good with names and dates etc. So in conversation I can remember like a ridiculous amount of:

Jane Doe Smith Johnson

b. 1805 Tennessee d. 1879 Missouri

Married 1828 to John Patrick Johnson. Had five children. Died of TB

Etc etc

And that's cool enough apparently but I've mostly been using it for

A. Making up bullshit but real sounding names for stuff (i.e my name is Emily Stewart, Grace Kolár, etc). The point is that they're normal sounding and varied.

B. Having a bizarre frame of reference for historical events. Like "oh [small town],[state] 1942 had [random] event happen? My 1st cousin 4x removed got married there that year, small world!"

It's so dumb, like I'll read about some historical event from my area (where I've had family in the vicinity of since the 1840s) and I'll link up the time frame in my head and be like hmm... I wonder what 3rd great aunt Helen thought about that happening next door to her church.

#anyways im haunted by my ansesters and their lives #and driven actually crazy when i hit a dead end until ive solved it #like if i dont figure out credibly who my 3rd great grandfather's parents are soon im genuinely going to lose touch I'm serious.#i realized the other day that id been 'investigateing' it since Jan 2021 DO YOU KNOW HOW DIFFERENT MY LIFE IS COMPARED TO THEN?!#and I'm not like casual.. I am multiple times a week searching the LoC as well as physical genealogical libraries for records #it lives in my brain like a tumor #he was born in 1857 in 'western' America this isn't fog of shit #its goddanm out there!#part of the obsession is because this particular ancestor is where my surname came from #he's my paternal paternal paternal grandfather.. yea... I'm just like curious as to specifically where my surname originated #sometimes especially on my mom's side I can track this shit down to a specific small european towns and I can find neat historical stuff #but this guy is just a fucking mystery #he appears in Oklahoma in the 1870s has like 15 children and then offs himself after losing money gambling #oh my god im actually ranting #and I guess it bugs me more than others because he has a very prominent newspaper trail #there are tons and tons of mentions of this guy #he has a long ass obituary but nobody ever fucking mentions where he came from other than like vague ass statements #his obituaries literally contradict each other too #I have searched everywhere for any misspelling of this guy's name #but his name is very easy to spell it's freaking William and the last name is very easy as well its a third person singular verb #ugh #anyways #ive cooled off #geneology #is interesting as fuck honestly

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the-way-astray · 9 months

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i must be the only (kind of) unironic aldella shipper in this entire fandom.

(ranting in the tags)

#kotlc #kotlc aldella #kotlc vackers #kotlc della #kotlc alden #alden vacker #della vacker #aldella #does it matter that i kinda headcanon them to be slightly toxic? no no it does not thanks for asking #they could be so interesting if their relationship was explored more in-depth #and i am NOT saying it's shannon's fault that it hasn't been explored btw i am NOT blaming shannon #obviously since the story is told through sophie's eyes we only get what she sees but augh i want more #hanging my hopes on that short story collection shannon claims she'll write after the series is over #i want more of them from THEIR perspective #just! the lack of trust! the regret! the performative (imo) relationship! the strangely idealistic marriage! the emphasis on beauty!#and! the stiffness around each other! going through the motions! doing their part in the relationship but something feels off!#it's so good i need more i need them to be more fucked up i need them to be more toxic #but in the end they still love each other (or at least they think they do) but it's . . . warped (maybe they really DO love each other?)#the perfect marriage with the perfect children in the perfect family . . . will the facade last . . . and is it really even a facade #just #THEM #they need to be head over heels for each other and yet it's performative at the same time do you see the vision tell me you see the vision #they each NEED to have a side the other has never seen and nobody else has ever seen and they are each terrified of it #and don't want the other to know #because then they'll be less perfect but in reality telling each other would make them stronger do you see what i see #the two-faced-ness would make them more fucked up and less fucked up all at once because they are scared of it but it brings them closer #*shakes you* DO YOU UNDERSTAND TELL ME YOU UNDERSTAND #anyway #*scoots away from you* totally normal about aldella nothing going on here nope no siree

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ryebunny · 2 months

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Vent in tags because I have nobody to talk to but need to get some feelings out. Sorry. Just ignore please ♡

#i feel like the most unwanted and unloved person on the face of the earth #I've been desperately trying to rekindle a friendship with the person I considered my best friend so I extended one final olive branch and #she just. she took that branch snapped it in half and set it on fire. literally. we were best friends all throughout high school but #at the beginning of this year she replaced me with someone she had just met like I never meant anything to her. and I just #I don't know what I've done wrong. I don't know why I'm so replaceable to people. I don't know I don't know I don't know but it really hurts #I'm nobody's favorite. nobody's first choice. hell probably not even anybody's second third or fourth choice #everybody ALWAYS leaves me eventually and I don't know why. I don't know what I'm doing wrong. I don't know how to change it because nobody #ever tells me what I've done wrong. they just suddenly change attitudes or ghost me or abandon me without a care #I've lost literally every single non-familial connection I've ever had. every person I know irl has come and gone for reasons I genuinely #don't know. every online person either leaves me or isn't interested in forming more than a surface level connection. (which. I'm not saying #I'm forcing anyone to. I just crave a deep connection so badly and wish someone was willing to have one with me)#i really should be used to this by now. it's not the first time I've lost someone i thought would be in my life forever. but it really hurts #i need to get used to being alone. i need to stop bearing my entire heart to anyone willing to look at me. but i don't know how to #i just want to be loved #rye's cries #rye rambles

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icewindandboringhorror · 1 year

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I still very loathe the Media Trope of ‘’cold genius man doesn’t feel emotions and never has relationships... UNTIL.. one random relatively bland Preddy Woman comes along and warps his entire personality and ability to think, his heart has grown and his seeming asexuality has evaporated, he is now Normal :)” or whatever like... AS a walking generic hermit archetype myself.. we would NOT act like that .... just let people be detached weirdos in peace, you cowards .. OR, don’t bother to write one in the first place if you find us too boring to exist realistically in our natural state lol.. pathetic

#the only exception to this is its okay if he develops some pesudo-romantic psychologial fixation on one of his long suffering male sidekicks #or assistants or whatever (since this character acrhetype ALWAYS has some sort of like Straight Man Every Man helper to follow #him around and be an audience stand in. sometimes multiple like a whole team of assistants. sometimes just one etc.)#like a strange not-entirely-romance-but-mutualy-unhealthy-comedic-codependence w someone you worked w 25+ yrs COULD be in character. sure.#ASIDE from that one exception though..... just keep them aromantic and asexual.. why would someone who has been that way for their #entire fucking life suddenly be like ''well I've known this woman three weeks but she's really hot! whoops!''#''guess I'm going to act completely out of character! sometimes booba so booby it fundametally alters the dna of me personality. you know ho #w it is'' .. like shut up.. explode #It's not that I project personally onto these characters (writers are bad at writing them and they're generally annoying as shit) BUT just #like... coming FROM the perspective OF a cold detached ''robot'' seeming hermit freak.. like textbook scholar wizard man locked #away in a tower somewhere type personality... You just watch shows sometimes and you can SEE that the writers are trying to write #the Character Archetype that is your actual realworld personality and you're just like 'we do NOT fucking act like that!!!' lol #you know ? like .. i don't actually care about the characters themselves but more just.. the principle of the thing. staying true to what #has been set up. You can't be like ''oh yeah this is your typical cold detached hermit weirdo with zero interest in human relationships for #the most part blah blah blah'' and then 5 minutes later be like ''WAIT GUYS!! LOOK! they're still NORMAL! look they love booba #too!!! haha hashtag Relatable!!'' .. what have you done to him.. you've massacred the archtype.. cowardly fool #Also I'm referencing them as male because this character archtetype is usually male but the same thing can apply for other gendered versions #of the archetype. it's ALWAYS annoying. no matter what it is lol. GOD AND IT'S even worse when they're supposed to be like hundreds or thous #ands of years old like.. some sort of supernatural being who's ''above it all'' because they've seen the world's cycles for so long #and blah blah and then it's like ''omg.. suddenly into romance.. for some reason all 900 years of my life nobody has ever been good #enough but YOU.. random ass person who I met 30 minutes ago and are completely average in every way or maybe you have like one #special power or are smart or something but apparently somehow I've lived 900 years without ever meeting a single other smart person #or whatever but WOW.. you... instant soulamtes.. I am no longer aromantic and asexual. I am also no longer smart.''#at least if it's a human with a normal lifespan you can be like 'well they were only 30. maybe they genuinely did just have their first #sexul awakening' or something but.. you're telling me like.. 900 years??? 1000 years?? and NOW they're like 'whooa!!' lol #Which obviously all aroace people are different.. all people with autism or schizoid pd or any other mental illnesses that can sometimes #lend people towards that type of 'weird hermit' archetype are all different. plenty of these people WILL have relationships and sex and desi #re those things. but it's like.. if you are OBVIOUSLY setting out to write that one VERY specific archetype within the broader archetype #then GO ALL THE WAY!! you cant have someone be like HALF-detached partial-hemrit sometimes-maybe-genuis or whatever #or I guess you can but like. it should be that way from the beginning. it's the random sudden shift in personality thats jarring

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taegularities · 11 months

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dilf jk of a different sort? 🤨

#your fwb is literally just there for you for one thing #and you aren't interested in love n relationships at ALL #BUT you've always wanted a kid n baby fever has never been as bad as it is now #and you've also always wanted to experience pregnancy.. so what do you do? yes ofc #you ask your fwb to impregnate you and tell him he won't have to deal with you or the kid ever again once the deed is done #(which you tell him bc you KNOW he won't wanna stick around)#and he thinks it's a terrible idea but then still helps you out with that.. v odd favour #(but... as expected things do get messy once all's said and done and 🥴🥴🥴 yeahhh)#this is all your faultttt y'all put me in the dilf jk mindset!!!!! y'all fed me those thoughts!!! 😤#anyways nobody might see this so UHM ignore me tdl?????? lol

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rubenesque-as-fuck · 2 years

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Well damn, today did not go how I expected

#life of faye #woke up normal and actually started to get stuff done #then got distracted texting d #which turned into us having a long deep conversation about our whole situation #like probably more in depth than we've really discussed it since he left portland #or possibly ever #i definitely ended up confessing that I am kinda sorta in love with him and don't know how not to be #and that I feel like a bad friend for still wanting to fuck him but also that I feel like there's been some mixed signals in that regard #and he talked about how he's not comfortable pursuing a relationship with me or anyone else right now #and that he would be open to something fwb-related but he didn't think I would be interested/comfortable with that arrangement #especially considering my own confessed feelings and everything #but I told him I can work with that because at least I would have a chance to occasionally fuck someone I trust #and i already know he fucks like a champ #like fwb fuckfest every once in a while- even if it's only every year or two- is still preferable to ~1 shitty new stranger date per year #and maybe it's pathetic of me to stuff down my love to at least get sex #but fucking a friend that just doesn't love me back is still better than fucking a stranger to me #anyway we haven't really nailed down it all yet but the conversation has finally been started #also he asked for me to make a painting for his bday and it made me 🥹#nobody has ever specifically asked me to paint them something before #my date with sweet d

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slaythespire · 7 months

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GUARDS!!!! hes posting abt it again

#anyway actually one of the worst parts of being broken up with in such a cruel way is that it feels like i wasted my one chance at having #someone in my life like that #and it wasnt even my fault! wow #who am i kidding its not even worth dating anyone again i dont think #nobody besides that one person has ever been interested in me anyway #sorry if i dont post abt my feelings i die #i just wish i was overrrrr itttt uuuuhg #actually its so fucked up that if his linkedin isnt lying he had a job for 2 years while we were dating that he just never told me abt once #i should have known i just wasnt an important part of his life no matter how many times he tried to say i was and that he loved me with all #the things he just didnt share with me #like getting his license and shit just nothing had to find out other ways #whateverrrrr whateverrrrrr #its always the ppl who cry abt how 'they arent treating you right' 'it hurts me that im hurting you and im sorry' who actually just want #ur feelings to be all about them

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dandyshucks · 7 months

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praying that this one artist i watch livestream doesn't ever look at my chat history bc i feel like I look really weird through it 😭 I have immense anxiety among other issues so I'll usually only manage to work up the nerve to send One (1) random msg in chat at some point during a stream and then immediately feel like I have done smth terribly wrong (even if I am just agreeing with everyone else in chat ???) and not be able to send anything else the entire rest of the stream

so my message history would just be like... one completely random comment per stream and nothing else and I feel like that probably looks really really strange fjfkdl

#its so awful bc I'm like... good at talking to ppl usually #or i CAN be good if I have the energy to do so #but a lot of my conversational skills revolve around asking ppl abt themselves and not saying my own things #bc thats all I've ever been able to do my entire life fjfkdl nobody has ever rly asked much abt me or taken an interest in me and my things #so when it comes to having my own opinions or ideas or whatnot... that's terrifying to try to communicate to other ppl fjdldl #it just sucks so bad bc i think i could get along very well w many ppl if i just... didnt feel like the worlds worst person to be around #today and yesterday have been difficult so my brain is biting me rn fjfkdl idk what is wrong w me these past couple days fjfkdl #there is no real evidence for it but i feel like everything I've said and done the past few days has been awful and wrong and mistakes ough #it will be okay fjfkdl it will pass eventually like it always does shfkdl it is just a matter of coping thru it and how long it'll last #sorry for a weird vent for this blog dnfkdl im just panicking a little for no apparent reason fjdksl #vent //#dandy.cmd

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mooodyblue · 1 year

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tags again. ignore me 🥸

#hello venting again #i have not been doing very well #and i am very sad that i can't ever fully regress n have to just put it all into my writing #and i want a cg !!! i want to ramble abt my interests to someone n show off my pretty little pictures !!!!#and it also sucks because a few weeks ago i lost everything i used for my regression forever and starting over sucks so bad #all my plushies r gone and i only have a few now and i don't have many coloring books anymore which is the worst part of it #n i've been like ... considering joining that side of tumblr too but i rly can't be bothered to make another blog :(#i am just #vvvvvv sad #i always have to be big cuz i have to check on ppl or someone might need me for something i can never be fully tiny n i hate itttttt #n i know i need this badly right now cause my brain has not been treating me very well recently and i'm trying to not Do Bad Things #but i'm grateful for this blog cuz i can ramble abt elvie n my love for him without feeling like i'm annoying anyone but #i still feel so aloneeeee #nobody is gonna read this but if u do that's my bad #ty for listening to my vent #sometimes i have to wonder if being here is a curse or a blessing bc writing is what made me feel more comfy abt my regression but #now im sad bc i can't even be little majority of the time #ok i will stop talking now #lily.txt

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tamaharu · 1 year

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a sumi haircut variation ive been testing out. i wanna say its a bit post-canon, not too far off, maybe a year or so. hasnt quite figured out what to do with herself yet, but shes getting there. only a little ways away from graduation.

#the clock chimes at midnight #selk.art #okay because im going stir crazy in my beautiful mind here. i forgot where everyone in the royal ending went so ive just kinda been doing a #post canon au based entirely arnd sumire and the only person whos really gone is ren. the others are in school and stuff still lol #ANYWAYS she and ren start dating a few weeks before 2/3 and after they restore the world its a very tumultuous start considering ren #immediately gets sent to jail. even after he gets out theyre both grieving akechi + it feels like theyre just going through the motions.#everyones like omg we could tell this was gonna happen! and it makes them uncomfortable for reasons they cant articulate #ren is using sumire to get over akechi + sumire is modeling rens identity + both see akechi in the other and are sad abt it #on top of all that they get into a huge fight when sumire learns rens leaving in like. a month. and she didnt know.#(he genuinely didnt realize she didnt know but gets bitchy in return)#they try to make it work long distance for a month/two but eventually mutually breakup (both a little bitter but agree to remain friends)#overall its a cute relationship with um . very odd undertones.#anyways she still wears her hair straight up or straight down during all that point. HAHAHA remember this is abt hair!#after ren leaves she latches onto ann + ryuji who are still going to school w her. and after the breakup simply bc #ryuji is a Boy and sumire is a Girl and They Enjoy Being Around Each Other they both reflexively think abt getting together #sumire starts to imitate him (bc for some weird reason she keeps wanting to be like boys!) and ryuji is like am i breaking bro code rn..#nothing ever happens bc neither actually wants to date the other and ann is always hanging around but its an odd time for everyone #she bleaches the tips of her hair for a little bit but its so small when she gets it chopped off its like nothing happened lol #this is probably around third year when ann/ryuji have graduated and the only thief around is futaba.#and. please nobody kill me for this. i think the two have interesting thematic similarities but the ship between them has always felt like #pairing the same-age spares to me. and i havent read anything thats convinced me of its full potential yet.#that to say i think theyre friendly but not super close. so sumire has to learn to just. exist by herself for the first time in years.#like i said this is probably when this actual haircut starts getting used. shes figuring it out!#after she graduates shes the first one to find akechi again and theyre both doing a lot better and become very close.#they move in together! platonically! unless...? but thats not the point! akechi helps her realize shes transmasc at which point she gets a #real short haircut. i cant decide. theres one thats like a curly haired bob almost and one thats shorter + looks kinda windswept #and thats all the haircut hcs i have for her postcanon timeline! spreads hands jazz hands. not all the timeline hcs but my thumbs r tired.

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