#i didn’t even like billy in s2 but i was able to use my brain and understand he was joking

[pendinganchor]

people really think steve and billy were fighting over lucas??

babes

they we’re fighting because steve lied to billy about 1 knowing his 13 year old sister and 2 her whereabouts. and her whereabouts were the middle of the woods in the middle of the night in a stranger’s house that didn’t belong to steve.

[yourmidnightlover]

this one time

pairing: steve x mayfield!fem!reader

summary: reader gets mixed up in the upside down drama with her sister (s2 era) and happens to get a good dose of steve harrington, and she vows it’ll only be this one time.

warnings: ohhhh boy, billy being verbally and physically abusive, fighting, season 2 (aka demodogs and whatnot), illuding to an abusive household (duh), reader being independent as hell (like to a fault lmao bc me too sometimes), kinda sad ending (oops?)

a/n: in this fic, steve and nancy never got together in season 2 :) i think that’s the only variation in the fic. i’m ngl i might’ve cried while writing this but that also could’ve just been me being hormonal lol. also my second stranger things fic!! i’m kinda excited and can’t wait to see how this goes!

you didn’t quite know why he would always stare at you. to be frank, it was getting weird.

at lunch, when you would be waiting for max, basically every time you were in his line of sight his eyes were on you.

you even had a few classes with steve. luckily you were able to sit closer to the back. the downside to that is that the seats were all right by steve. whether in front, behind, or beside. it was worth it to not be in the front row, but still. it sucked.

you just kept your head down and let the day pass as fast as it possibly could, hoping that steve would mind his own business. sometimes he did. other times he would try to start a conversation.

“you do the homework?” steve leaned over to ask, too sweet of a tone adorning his voice to tell his true intentions.

“yes, harrington,” you rolled your eyes. “i did the homework. could your brain cells not keep up enough to finish it?”

“sadly, no,” he sighed, whipping out a softer, pitiful voice. “i was hoping maybe yours were able to make up for the disappearance of mine?”

“this is the last time,” you widened your eyes, trying to remain serious to the annoying little boy. “why do you never do it?”

“well, it always gives me an excuse to talk to you,” he had a sly grin on that stupid face.

you knew him and nancy were once a thing, but after will byers was found things changed. steve found that nancy was different after everything and they had both changed too much for them to make sense anymore.

but that didn’t mean that you and him made any sense at all.

“yea, shut it, harrington,” you scoffed as you let him glance at your paper to copy onto his own.

maybe he was drawn to you because you were a bit stand-offish. you knew you were. it’s because of billy. you had to be the protective older sister max needed. you were her biological sister, but you weren’t always so mean, only when billy and his dad came around.

you would be the one to defend max to billy. on occasion, you would have to defend max against billy’s dad. this might’ve earned you a bit of, punishment, as they would call it. others would say it’s abuse.

regardless, it wasn’t always like this. used to, you would play with max all the time. you were the one to teach her to skate. you had taught her the importance of self confidence. you were her older sister. she loved you dearly, and you did her. you still did, as did she.

it was just the dynamic that had changed. now, instead of being the sweet older sister everyone knew you were the rude, protective one. perhaps you just didn’t know how to shut off the mask you put up so often, in the house you would never call a home.

it was only a matter of time before you and max got dragged into the wild world of the upside down. you had brought her to the arcade that day lucas tried to explain everything to her. as per usual, she told you everything.

“maybe he just wants to impress you?” you scoffed, the story sounding unbelievable to yourself as well.

“why like this?” she rested her head against her fist by the window. “it’s just so stupid.”

“as are boys this age, max. they’re idiots that would say anything to impress a girl,” you gave her a pressed smile. “boys are stupid. why do you think i haven’t had one?”

“yea, maybe i should follow in your footsteps,” max added.

you laughed lightly before gently nudging her shoulder, turning up the radio to the latest kate bush song that had come out.

so when lucas told max that he had real proof, you were practically forced to follow along. well, not forced. max had asked you to come, in case anything funky was going on, and you happily said yes.

little did you know you would be met with dustin henderson and your very own king steve harrington. steve had directed you all, telling you what to do. the experience was rather ominous up to this point, so you reluctantly listened, but only to protect your sister in the case that they weren’t lying.

and once everything was boarded up, you went inside of the bus and waited. and waited. and waited.

max finally got tired of the silence when she asked, “so you really fought one of these things before?”

steve’s gaze from you was finally broken as he simply nodded his head, continuing to play with his lighter in attempt to pass the time a bit quicker than it was going.

“and you’re like, totally, 100% sure it wasn’t a bear?” she offered, being the sassy mini you she always was, you bit back a laugh.

that’s when little dustin decided to speak up a bit, “shit,” he huffed. “don’t be an idiot. okay. it wasn’t a bear,” but he wasn’t done there. “why’re you even here if you don’t believe us? just go home.”

“geesh,” max got up, headed towards the ladder. “someone’s cranky. past your bedtime?” she asked as she began ascending the ladder.

you busied yourself by fiddling with some old peeling fabric from one of the seats to hide the laugh in your throat.

“that’s good,” steve spoke, seemingly proud of the toddler who had tried to insult your little sister. “just show her you don’t care.”

“i don’t,” the toddler deadpanned, staring him straight in the eyes. “why’re you winking steve? stop.”

“really?” you chuckled, speaking up about the stupid situation at hand. “show her you don’t care? that’s the advice you gave him?”

“well, yea,” steve nodded, still playing with his little lighter.

“and does that always work with the girls you like?” you leant down, getting closer to steve on the floor.

you could hear how his breath hitched in his throat as he stumbled to find the right words.

“uhh yea, mo-most of the time,” he stopped toying with the lighter, focusing on dustin who was simply pacing back and forth, mumbling some incoherent nonsense that you figured you probably wouldn’t be able to understand even if you could hear him.

“most of the time?” you scoffed. “so you told him to be a dick to my sister on account of ‘most of the time’?”

“i didn’t say to be a dick!” he threw his hands up in defense.

“well he was being one.”

“i never told him to be one!”

“next time make sure he knows that, asshole.”

a loud growl interrupted your argument. your body became stiff as you instinctively curled into the arm that he protectively threw over your shoulders as you made your way to see what the ruckus was outside.

“lucas!” dustin shouted. “what’s goin’ on!” he demanded to know.

“hold on!” lucas replied.

silence fell over the group as you shrugged steve’s arm off of you, forgetting he had held it there. if you had paid attention to it, it felt a scarier without his arm there.

“i’ve got eyes!” lucas finally informed you. “ten o’clock! ten-ten o’clock!”

“there,” steve pointed at the creature outside of the bus, crawling low and slow.

“what’s he doing?” dustin wondered.

“i don’t know.” steve answered once more. “he’s not taking the bait. why’s he not taking the bait?” he asked worriedly.

“maybe he’s not hungry?” dustin tried to guess before a lightbulb went off in steve’s mind.

“maybe he’s sick of cow?” he replied smartly.

“wait-you mean?” you spoke up for once before steve backed away, making eye contact with you before turning.

“steve?” dustin asked. “steve, what’re you doing? steve?” he worried.

steve turned back to dustin and tossed him the lighter, “just get ready.”

“you’re not going out there alone,” you huffed at the brown eyed boy.

“like hell i’m not,” he replied, turning to face you once more. “you need to stay safe.”

“no, the kids need to stay safe,” you argued. “i’m going with you,” you told him as you grabbed a metal pipe and turned toward the door.

steve huffed as he rolled his eyes at you.

“are you gonna open the door or do you need me to go first?” you offered, teasing the boy before he reluctantly opened the door and headed out first.

“back to back, yea?” he whispered, feeling your back against his own.

you slowly walked towards the creature making the noise, feeling the whoosh of wind coming from steve swinging his bat in circles, probably from the nerves. he started whistling, trying to draw the creature out from wherever it was hiding.

“come on, buddy,” he teased with another whistle. “come on, buddy. dinner time. human tastes better than cat, i promise.”

“cat?” you whisper-yelled at him.

“i’ll fill you in later,” he replied.

when you heard the growl once more, somehow clearer, you turned to face it. you had to know what it was. the dog cleared, giving you sight of the monster you’d been told about.

“oh, god,” you raised your elbow, ready to swing in case of any sudden movement made by the thing.

“steve!” lucas shouted. “watch out!”

“little busy here!” steve roared before you turned around, noticing the second monster.

“oh, god,” your breathing picked up.

“three o’clock,” you nudged his shoulder to inform him of the new situation.

when he turned to where you were faced, his own face became filled with worry rather than mild fear. backed the two of you up a bit before the bus door flung open.

“abort! abort!” dustin shouted. “steve! y/n!”

“run!” the kids were screaming.

but every which way you looked, there was a new monster blocking your path. steve ran for the car, sliding across it before whacking one of the creatures, hearing it whimper and thud against the ground. you heard one behind your own back.

“y/n!” max shouted at you, alerting you that there was one behind you.

you swung and turned your body in one motion, the momentum enough to knock its body to the ground with a whine. another one was approaching your left, so you did the same thing with success.

after turning to where you last saw steve, he was running to you, shouting at you to move. you were too slow. a creature had tackled you to the ground, luckily steve had swung his bat before anything had happened, knocking the creature off of your body and to the side before he scooped you up bridal style and carried you into the bus himself, dustin slamming the door shut on the monsters.

they were easily able to break through the metal covering the door, leaving steve to knock the things with his nailed bat as the kids ran to the other side of the bus. you had luckily kept a hold of your metal pipe after being knocked down, your leg had been hurt but it wasn’t the time to worry about that.

dustin began to radio on his headset for anyone who could hear, seemingly with no hope. max had nudged your shoulder, motioning to the sunroof of the bus, the open sunroof of the bus. you pushed her behind you and made your way to where the roof was, not getting too close.

you could hear the stomps of the monsters above your heads before one approached the ladder. all you heard was max’s scream. the monster began to lunge towards you before steve put himself between you and the creature.

“come on you little piece of shit!” he bellowed. “you want some? come on!”

all at once the creatures began to turn away, no longer banging on the bus trying to get inside. steve had looked at you once more, a look of both relief and worry in his face.

you hadn’t even realized that you had latched onto steve’s arm. you didn’t care. you kept it there for a moment longer, hoping he wouldn’t notice or mind. you were scared, you could make an excuse.

this one time.

after a few moments of silence, steve had began to make his way outside, you following right behind with the rest of the kids.

“what happened?” lucas asked, all out of breath as if he had been the one fighting out there.

“i-i don’t know,” max hesitated.

“they scared ‘em off?” dustin mentioned, trying to find some sort of positive.

“no,” steve told them. “no way. there goin’ somewhere.”

when you all decided to take off in the direction of the ominous sound, which happened to thankfully break lucas and dustin’s little argument, steve had noticed after a while that you had been taking a bit longer than the others to keep up. you weren’t too slow, just a bit out of breath. he hung back for a second so he could ask you.

“hey,” steve began quietly as dustin and lucas went ahead. “did you get hurt? when you got tackled?”

“i-i don’t know,” you replied, more truthful than saying no. you just didn’t want to be a burden to the group, but you couldn’t stay behind. “i’ll be fine.”

“y/n,” he sighed. “which leg?” he pointed at them both before you lifted your pant leg, revealing a bruise all the way up your shin, a bit of blood from a cut running halfway down your leg. “that? y/n…” he trailed off.

he automatically put your arm around his shoulder, his arm going to your waist, acting as a crutch so you two could limp along together. you appreciated it, which was odd. you were always in depended. max noticed this too. and you noticed max holding lucas’s hand earlier. she had been talking to him on the roof of the bus prior to the, ‘demodog,’ as you came to find out, experience.

what was it with hawkins boys knocking down your walls? you didn’t like it. but, your leg really fucking hurt, so you could make an excuse.

this one time.

the rest of the night went by fast.

the noise led you to this… hospital? you had to pick up hopper, the police chief, will, mike, and joyce, wills mom. you had also ran into nancy and her boyfriend? jonathan. you weren’t sure if they were official.

when you ran into nancy and jonathan you only felt steve’s hold on you get a little tighter. you would only let yourself embrace it tonight. only tonight. you made your way back to joyce’s house, who you already felt this motherly hold over you. you enjoyed it. it was different.

you weren’t quite sure what you were doing. waiting, you suppose. they had filled you in on everything. the upside down, this girl named el, will’s whole experience and now what he’s going through.

then mike starting saying how bob, the man who had passed while saving the rest of them, had started the av club. how he couldn’t die in vain.

next thing you know they’re talking about the shadow monster and the tunnels that’re connected with the hive mind. how everything, the demodogs, tunnels, mind flayer, and even will are connected.

then the kids are telling you about this mind flayer character from d&d to relate this new creature to something a little more understandable. how this creature wants to conquer us, and become the master race. and the only way to know how to destroy this monster, is through will.

you all worked to make his shed unrecognizable. you covered it in sheets and foil and tons of bright lights. then your part was over. it was yet another waiting game.

while the kids were figuring out the morse code will was signaling, steve ushered you to the bathroom.

“what’re you doing?” you sighed, already exhausted from the night you’ve had.

“cleaning you up,” he informed you as he tapped the countertop, wanting you to hop up. “it doesn’t need to get infected and with those demodogs that did this to you we don’t know what bacteria they carry. so,” he tapped the counter twice more to prove his point, his voice like satin.

you lifted your hurt leg to hop on the other, grasping steve’s shoulder a bit so you could get on the counter easier. his hand went to your waist to help.

“alright, you wanna squeeze my hand when i pour this?” he asked as he lifted a bottle of alcohol to pour on your leg.

you nodded. only for tonight.

“one,” he began counting, only he began pouring on two.

“fuck!” you grasped his shoulder with your free hand, squeezing his hand that was in your grasp. “shit, shit, shit,” you whispered, trying not to distract the decoding process. “ohhh i hate you steve.”

the smell of him was a bit distracting from the pain. it was sweaty, but with undertones of his cedar wood cologne able to peak through. but that little distraction, the little peak of him you were able to focus on, was worth it.

“aww you don’t mean that,” he put on a small smile at your anger. “okay… that’s it. now i’m just gonna put some of this on,” he held up some neosporin from the first aid kit, “and then i’ll bandage you up, yea?”

“yea,” you nodded. “that shit hurt more than it did when i got it,” you motioned to the peroxide.

“sorry,” steve didn’t know what else to say as he finished his handiwork, releasing your hand before tenderly wrapping your leg in an ace bandage. “it had to be done.”

“i know, it’s just…” you took a deep breath. “damn,” you both laughed at that.

“okay,” steve breathed out, “all done now,” he bent down and placed a soft kiss to your knee as if he kissed it all better.

“thanks,” you smiled before he placed his hands back on your waist, carefully guiding you down. you didn’t have much time before hopper came barging into the house, telling the kids to get away from the windows.

you and steve marched out of the bathroom, you still rolling your pant leg down before they brought an unconscious will back into the house. you swiftly picked up your metal pipe as steve did his nailed bat, nancy held a rifle, hopped held his own gun, and you waited. waited for something, anything.

you turned where each noise came from, hoping to catch it before it caught you.

“where are they?”

“what’re they doing?”

then the noises stopped. you all panned the area, trying to get a feel for where they went. then a demodog came flying through the window.

“holy shit.” you said in unison with dustin.

“is it dead?” max wondered.

when hopper shoved its head with his foot, we were assured it had died. but then the lock on the door came undone. it seemed as though you could never catch a break in this town. a girl began walking through the door, converse clad with a nosebleed.

mike stepped forward, clearly having a close relationship with the girl. it was like watching the sweetest of reunions.

you turned to max, “is that-“

“el?” she finished for you

“y-yea,” lucas answered. “it is.”

“i never gave up,” mike said. “i called you every night-every night for-“

“353 days,” el nodded. “i heard,” she stepped closer to him, still not believing he was finally in front of her after almost a year

“why didn’t you let me know you were there?” he seemed hurt.

“because i wouldn’t let her,” hopper spoke up, stepping forward in the group.

part of you felt as though you shouldn’t be seeing this. you were so new to the group, you felt wrong witnessing such a seemingly tender moment.

“the hell is this,” hopper began to question el. “where’ve you been?”

“where have you been?!” she retorted, a bit snappy. you liked her.

they responded with a hug, tears began to prick your eyes a little before mike ruined the moment.

“you’ve been hiding her,” he concluded. “you’ve been hiding her this whole time!” he punctuated with a shove to hoppers back.

“hey,” hopper grasped his wrists. “let’s talk. alone.”

he led mike into a room, away from the group to discuss things with a bit more privacy. in the meantime, lucas and dustin began to say their hellos to the girl.

“we talked about you basically every day,” dustin mentioned, leaving el to stare at him before tapping his teeth.

“teeth.”

“huh?” lucas and dustin wondered.

“you have teeth,” el rephrased, a bit confused as to why he had teeth.

“oh,” dustin remembered. “you like these pearls?” he began to purr? you think that’s what that was. it clearly surprised el.

max began to walk towards the girl, “eleven?” the girl just stared at max. “hey, um, i’m max,” she stuck out her hand, “i’ve heard a lot about you.”

el just walked past her, rejecting not only a handshake but what seemed like a friendship. but, el wandered into joyce’s welcoming arms.

“what was that?” you questioned.

“i-i don’t know?” max wondered herself, not knowing where she had gone wrong with the incredibly short interaction.

and with the return of eleven, it was as though the master key to a house was returned. everything fell into place as she stated that she could close the gate. she could fix everything.

in order to get the mind flayer’s grasp off of will before eleven shut the gate, joyce, jonathan and nancy went to burn the mind flayer out of him.

meanwhile you were still at joyce’s with steve and the kids. you had been helping max and lucas clean up the living room while dustin and steve were, for some reason, putting the creature in the fridge. mike was just pacing. worrying.

“mike, would you just stop already?” lucas spoke up, somehow annoyed by his movement.

“you weren’t in there, okay, lucas,” mike shouted back. “that lab is swarming with hundreds of those dogs.

“demodogs!” dustin spoke from the kitchen.

“the chief will take care of her!” lucas tried to reason.

“like she needs protection,” you added.

“listen, dude, a coach calls a play in a game, bottom line, you execute it,” steve tried to reason. “all right?”

“okay first of all this isn’t some stupid sports game,” mike rebutted. “and second we’re not even in the game. we’re on the bench.”

“right-right,” steve tried to think of a come back. “so my point is…”

“there’s nothing for us to do,” you finished for him.

“that’s not entirely true,” dustin mentioned, clearly up to something. “i mean the demodogs have a hive mind. when they ran away from the bus, they were called away.”

“so if we get their attention,” lucas interjected.

“we draw them away from the lab,” max added.

“away from eleven,” you finished.

“yeah and then we all die,” steve tried to reason.

“well, that’s one point of view,” dustin retorted.

“no, that’s not a pint of view man,” steve said with an attitude. “it’s a fact.”

“i’ve got it!” mike went into another room, pointing to the drawings of the vines. “this is where hop dug the hole. this is where we get to the vines,” he began to move again. “here, right here. this is like a hub. so you’ve got all the tunnels feeding in here. i think if we set this on fire-“

“oh, yea, that’s a no,” steve interjected, a hand on his hips as he pointed to the child. you nudged steve with your arm, pulling him to the side.

“look, i know i don’t know much about this situation and everything,” you started. “but i don’t think they’ll be able to close the gate at all with all of those dogs for eleven to kill. it seemed like killing only one of them drained her a bit. mike said that place had hundreds, steve. it’s not just our lives on the line. it’s everyone’s.”

he wanted to listen to you. he wanted to help. and he wanted you to know that he cared about what you thought. but he promised them that he would keep the kids safe. he couldn’t break his promise.

while you were trying to reason with him, the kids were still plotting on how to distract the dogs. steve ran his hands through his hair before clapping, getting everyone’s attention.

“hey! hey! hey!!” he shouted. “this is not happening.”

“but-“

“no buts!” he scoffed “i promised to keep you shitheads safe and that’s exactly what i plan on doing. we’re staying here. on the bench. and we’re waiting for the starting team to do their job. does everybody understand that?”

“this isn’t even a stupid sports game!” mike reminded him.

“i said does everybody understand that?” steve repeated. “i need a yes.”

you opened your mouth to begin speaking when you heard a familiar engine revving outside of the house. you and max ran to the couch to peer outside and see who was out there.

“shit,” you turned to max. “billy.”

“he’ll kill us if he knows we’re here,” max told lucas.

“just-just stay inside,” steve motioned to you and max. “both of you, please,” the look in his eyes told you he was serious.

you placed max behind your back and nodded to him, knowing that if he saw you would would know max was with you.

you didn’t know or hear anything that was going on outside. you were just pacing around the living room, trying to remain calm. steve could handle this.

then you saw all the kids duck down from the couch.

“what the fuck guys?” you scoffed at them. “max did he see you?!” the door slammed open, billy walking inside.

“well, well, well,” billy scowled. “lucas sinclair. what a surprise. i thought i told you to stay away from him max,” he said as he got closer to your sister, you were both able to feel his breath on your skin.

“and i thought i told you to brush your teeth this morning,” you got between him and the children.

“she knows what happens when she disobeys me,” he chuckled. “i break things.”

he immediately turned towards lucas before you could move him out of the way. billy had your shirt collar in his hands, shoving you towards the wall before he laid a punch on your cheek.

the kids were screaming, begging for him to stop. he wouldn’t listen after throwing two punches, feeling blood trickling down your nose, he held you tightly once more.

“what is it with that fucking mouth of yours huh?” he chuckled. “always such a bitch. i would imagine that your new boyfriend, harrington would like you much more if you would just keep it shut like a good little bitch, huh?”

“you’re the bitch,” you heard steve announce before he laid a fat one on billy’s cheek, shocking his grip off of you.

you nearly fell to the ground, your balance being less than stellar with your leg already hurting. max was there to help you balance, wrapping her arm around your waist.

“looks like you finally got some fire in you after all, huh?” billy began laughing maniacally. “i’ve been waiting to meet this king steve everybody’s been telling me so much about!” he walked closer to steve.

“get out,” steve ordered.

billy swung, steve ducked to miss the shot before landing another one of his own, sending billy across the room. he landed a couple more blows before billy grabbed a plate, smashing it over steve’s head. steve stumbled out of the room, trying to catch his breath while billy followed.

“nobody,” he picked steve up by his collar. “nobody tells me what to do,” he threw him to the ground.

you could sense that he was about to pound on top of steve, so you shoved billy out of the way, reminding him of your presence to shift his focus. maybe steve would be alright if you were able to distract him for long enough.

“look,” billy chuckled. “little princess with the hurt leg wants to save her boyfriend,” he kicked the hurt leg, sending you falling to the ground, but not before grasping one of billy’s legs, taking him with you.

with billy now on the ground, you rolled on top of him, sending a punch to his cheek. you winded your hand back, ready to send another one before he caught your hand, squeezing it so tight you swear your heard some bones pop.

“he’s-“ you tried to speak through the pain, tears running down your face. “he’s not,” you yanked his hair back with your free hand, shocking him enough to retrieve your hand. “he’s not my boyfriend.”

“right,” he smiled with his head back before spinning you two back over, him now on top of you before landing another punch on your cheek. “he never would be, huh?” another punch. “you’re not good enough for anyone in this goddamn town, as terrible as it is. not good enough for anybody anywhere. you’re just a little girl with daddy issues,” he put his face in your own. “trying to feel love even though you know you’ll never deserve it,” he began chuckling, brushing your hair behind your ear. “you’ll always be that pathetic little whore deep down, huh?”

tears were now flowing down your face, embarrassment long forgotten from the pure pain and torture you felt beneath the boy you should’ve trusted. the boy you were supposed to be able to call a brother. as he spat in your face, you realized he had a hold on one of your hands.

he used the free one to land one more blow to your face before steve tackled him off of you. max had immediately come to your aid, but it wasn’t long before billy was back on top of steve. you pointed to steve, then to the shelf that had the sedative.

“use it,” you nodded towards max.

she marched towards the shelf, grabbing the medicine before shoving it in the back of billy’s neck. he quickly got off of steve, turning to face max. you couldn’t hear what was going on, the ringing in your ears a bit too loud. you saw billy hit the floor, smiling with what seemed like laughter before you hobbled up, grabbing steve’s nailed bat before raising it over your shoulder.

“from here on out you will leave max and her friends alone, got it?” you asked.

he just laughed.

you swung the bat right between his legs, underneath his dick before screaming, “say you understand! say it!”

“i understand,” he finally mustered up the courage to speak.

“sorry, what was that,” you wanted him to be louder.

“i understand!”

“good,” you dropped the bat to your side before grabbing the keys from his belt loop. “joy ride, anyone?” you put on as good of a smile as you could while holding the keys up.

you had told max to drive, your leg still absolutely killing you. you sat in the back, steve’s head on your lap as you doctored up his wounds. it was the hydrogen peroxide that made him wake up.

“shh,” you whispered. “i know, i know,” you ran your hands through his hair.

“y/n?” you nodded at his question.

“let me just clean you up a bit, alright?” you finished pouring the peroxide, letting him squeeze your hand to return the favor from earlier before placing a dab of neosporin and a bandage over each cut while the kids were navigating.

you were paying attention to his wounds but he was paying attention to you. how careful you were. how soft your hands felt on his face, how nice they felt in his hair. was his head on your thighs? they were comfy. soft. he could stay like this forever. until he realized…

“oh my god!” he shouted, moving him from his daydream and back into reality.

“relax, she’s driven before,” dustin tried to convince steve it was fine.

“in a parking lot!” mike added.

steve kept chanting, ‘oh my god,’ as max drove, each of the kids trying to calm him down. it was all stressful and probably too loud for his head. there was definitely a concussion, you just weren’t sure how bad it was.

“everyone shut up!” you ordered. “steve, i couldn’t drive. the douchebag hurt my leg even more, i told her she could, she’s really not too bad. now you have got to breath before you put yourself in worse condition than you already are, got it?” you told him, hands placed softly on both sides of his face to ground his attention.

he nodded, taking a deep breath as you animated with him.

“your face,” he reached up to cup your face, you leaned into his touch.

this one time.

“i’m sorry i didn’t stop him sooner…”

“it’s not your fault, steve,” you gave him a small smile. “billy’s just a douche,” you shrugged. “besides, now i can say that i’ve been in a fight.”

you swore he was leaning into you until max nearly missed her left turn, hitting a mailbox and nearly crashing the car. steve’s arms were flailing everywhere until he wrapped one around your shoulder and the other around your waist.

“jesus, max!” you huffed out. “make a liar out of me, why don’t ya?”

a sigh of relief fell upon the entire group as she put the car in park. “i told ya. zoomer,” she added.

“zoomer?” steve asked you, you laughed and placed your hand over his mouth to shut him up for a moment.

you and the kids got everything out of the car, the masks and goggles to protect yourselves. steve was stumbling out of the car, mumbling about how he told you not to go in there, saying that it wasn’t gonna happen.

“look, steve,” you took your metal pipe out of the trunk. “either you stay here and watch the car or something while i make sure they stay safe or you come with us and help me. your decision,” you shoved his backpack in his direction, along with his nailed bat, before hobbling after the kids.

“y/n,” steve called you back. “you’re hurt. your leg. is this really the best decision?”

“it’s the only decision, steve,” you shook your head. “regardless of whether or not you’re going down there, my sister is not going without me. got it, steve?” he nodded. “good.”

steve jumped in the hole before you, able to catch you so you wouldn’t hurt your leg even more with the impact of landing. you quickly took your hands from his shoulders to turn and observe the tunnels.

“yea i’m pretty sure it’s this way,” mike said, his voice slightly muffled by the bandana around his nose and mouth.

“you’re pretty sure or are you certain?” dustin demanded to know.

“im 100 percent sure!” mike rephrased. “just follow me and you’ll know!” mike began to lead the group.

“woah! woah! woah! hey, hey, hey!” steve shouted. “i don’t think so,” he said as he caught up with mike, leaving max to be your crutch beside you.

“what?” mike questioned.

“any of you little dipshits die down here and i get the blame,” steve said. “got it, dipshit?” you rolled your eyes. “here on out, i’m leading the way. come on, let’s go.”

“my god, what is this place?” you looked around. it seemed like a cave that had little extensions.

“alright let’s keep moving!” steve ordered, moving ahead quickly.

“ahh shit!” you heard dustin’s scream “it’s in my mouth! holy shit it’s in my mouth! ahhh!”

you all ran to where he was, you got on the ground next to him, he grasped your arm as he kept trying to spit it out on the ground, coughing before sitting back up.

“i’m okay,” he breathed out.

“seriously?” you shoved him back before steve held out his hand to help you up, letting his hand linger around your waist.

“really funny man,” steve sassed. “nice, very nice.”

this time he let his hand on your waist guide you through the tunnels beside him, albeit a bit worried about something happening to you. you didn’t mind, you felt max’s presence right behind you.

“alright wheeler,” steve announced. “i think we’ve found your hub.”

it was huge. like a big cave with little extensions in every direction. the little particles dancing around made it hard to see, even still with your adjusted eyes.

“drench it,” mike said.

you all began pouring the flammable liquid you had gathered everywhere, making sure to cover as much surface as possible. this thing would burn. and you wanted to make sure of it.

“you guys ready?” you asked, they all nodded. you turned to steve, his nod ensuring that they were ready before you flicked the flame alive, tossing it onto the ground.

immediately the vines began to come to life, screeching from pain and writhing, trying to escape it.

“let’s go,” steve yelled. “let’s go! let’s go! lets go!” he ushered the kids away, you not too far behind him.

when mike tripped, screaming for help, you were able to whack the vine with your metal pipe, sending it screeching back away from his leg, you ordered the others to keep running before a dog came before you.

“dart?”dustin had asked. “is that you buddy?”

“dustin-“

“trust me!” dustin ordered. “hey, it’s me, it’s me. it’s just your friend. it’s dustin,” he took his goggles off to prove it to the creature. “just dustin, all right? you remember me,” he crouched down to the dog’s level. “will you let us pass?”

the dog snarled at him, seemingly telling the child no.

“okay, okay. i’m sorry,” dustin tried to reason. “i’m sorry about the storm cellar. i know it was a pretty douchey thing to do. you hungry?” he reached into his backpack. “yea? i’ve got our favorite. see? nougat,” dustin began to unwrap the candy for the dog to eat, placing on the ground. “look at that. yummy. here, all right,” he backed away from the dog, waving for everyone to pass the creature while he was occupied. “there’s plenty, i’ve got more,” he offered.

you began to ignore his reunion, instead ensuring that max got across safely, your hand on the square of her back as steve led the group at the front. dustin quickly earned his footing ahead of you before you saw the rope.

steve began lifting the kids up the rope as he heard the roaring of the dogs. first max, then lucas, mike, dustin, then the dogs were too close.

“steve?” you looked at him, tears pricking the corners of your eyes.

he grasped your hand, “i’ve got you,” but you opted for wrapping your arms around his torso, his going around your shoulders. you tucked your head into his chest before realizing that they hadn’t attacked you. they were going around.

“eleven,” mike realized.

steve was able to hoist you up, letting the rest of the kids help pull you up before he grasped your hand, you and the kids doing the same for him. once you were all on safe, solid, normal ground, you noticed the headlights of the car getting increasingly bright. eleven was doing her thing. you had helped.

-

one broken tibia and a month later, hawkins was seemingly ‘normal’ again. you were adorned in a pretty little cast while waiting for max outside of the snow ball dance. you think her and lucas will kiss, she might’ve mentioned wanting to during one of your sleepovers.

you were parked outside of the school, reading the shining for what felt like the 50th time, when a car parked next to your own. you looked across and saw none other than steve harrington in the drivers seat, a dorky grin on his face as he waited for you to wave your hand and motion for him to join you in your car.

“hey,” he opened the door and plopped in. “so, uhhh…”

“yes?” you asked, wanting to know why he had that dopey grin on his face. while it was an obnoxiously cute grin, you still wanted to know what put it there.

“how’s the leg?” he motioned to the one that was bent in your seat, still a bit of grief hit him when he remembers how hurt you had gotten that night.

“y’know,” you shrugged. “it’ll be fine. hurts like hell, though.”

“i’m sorry,” he dropped eye contact with you, opting to look at his hands that were currently cupping his knees.

“for what?” you chuckled. “you didn’t do this.”

“yea but,” he breathed out. “i could’ve. i saw billy when he-he shoved your leg in. you have no idea how-how angry that made me. and how he spoke to you? i just… you are deserving of-“

“hold it, steve,” you put your hand up. “i don’t need you to give me this whole ‘pity speech’ about how i deserve love and how im not broken, okay?” you rolled your eyes. “i know i am and im fine with that. what i don’t need is some guy who thinks he knows me try to tell me that im good enough for him or for anyone else. because frankly, i don’t-i don’t even feel that way, okay? so, please,” you felt tears prick your eyes. “don’t bring that back up. because bill-billy somehow knows my deepest thoughts and fears and i-i don’t want anyone else to even think about them. i just can’t handle it right now.”

“y/n,” he grasped your hand with his own. “it’s okay. it’s okay to not be able to handle something-especially after what you’ve been through,” he brought your hand to his lips. “i care about you. i want you to be able to talk through it, even if it isn’t with me.”

“i can’t,” you shook your head. “i can’t talk to max about this. i don’t want her to see me like this.”

“then she doesn’t have to, okay?” he reached across the console and wrapped his arms around you, letting you cry on his shoulder. “i’m here, it’s okay.”

“it’s just…” you dragged on. “home isn’t good. it’s not even a home. i just try to make sure max is never in the mix when things go down but then i-then,” you choked on a sob before he continued to stroke your back.

he pulled back after a second, “if you and max ever need to just… escape, you know my door is always open,” his eyes searched yours for some sort of confirmation but found a bit of weariness. “my parents are like never home, so you won’t really have to worry about them not wanting you guys around.”

“i wouldn’t want to do that to you,” you shook your head, insistent on the idea that you would be too close to a burden on him.

“do what?” he scoffed with a smile. “rid me of my… i’ll admit, loneliness?”

“steve harrington? the king of hawkins high, lonely?” you rolled your eyes. “yea, i’ll believe it when i see it.”

“then you will come over?” he acknowledged with a shit-eating grin. “see the loneliness, first-hand?”

“maybe, steve,” you sighed. “maybe.”

and maybe you should’ve let yourself hold onto him a little longer. you should’ve let your walls down for him. but you couldn’t. you barely knew him. well, you knew him now. but not outside of trying to save the world. you didn’t know how he was when he was sick. you didn’t know his favorite color.

so for tonight, you let yourself feel. you let yourself weep and break and crumble apart in steve harrington’s arms. chances are he would forget what even happened the next day anyway.

this one time.

tomorrow came. and no sign of steve. then the next, then the next. for some reason you felt disappointed. after everything… no.

you don’t need him. you don’t want him. you are perfect without him. your walls are still intact. you have yourself. that’s all you need.

but max, well, max needed you. sometimes she wouldn’t admit it, but she really did need you. so, you were there.

you drove her to the arcade the fifth day, deciding to stick around and watch her do her thing from inside, cheering her on and handing her more quarters once she ran out.

when you heard the other heathens arrive, you knew who was dropping them off. you opted to not even look out of the glass door. he doesn’t need to know you’ve even thought of his name. maybe you have a bit too much.

“y/n,” steve’s voice rang through your ears. you turned to face him with an obviously forced grin. “sorry i never called, my-“

“oh, doesn’t matter, harrington,” you shrugged. “all is well.”

“i just thought that you maybe wanted to talk since…” he dragged on, not wanting to spill too much with this many ears around.

“look, harrington,” you turned to actually look him in his eyes. “i get that we got a bit close and all because of some life or death situations but you don’t need to pretend to care or be my friend anymore. i just-i need to make sure max is taken care of, and that takes a lot more work than you would think,” you chuckled, trying to break the bridge before your walls became irreplaceable to the brown haired boy before you.

“i was never pretending, y/n,” his eyebrows furrowed at your word-vomit taking a step closer to you while reaching for your hand. “you realize i just want to help, i want to be there for you.”

“i don’t need anyone,” you shook your head, pulling your hand away from his. “i’m fine, harrington. i’ve been fine without someone this far, and i’ll continue to be fine.”

“you deserve to be better than fine, y/n,” he argued, letting your hand fall from his own, as much as he missed its warmth. “and what-what’s happened to ‘steve’? what’s with this ‘harrington’ bullshit again?”

“it’s your name,” you shrugged, avoiding eye contact with the man in front of you. you could feel how close you were to caving in. but you couldn’t. you just… you couldn’t risk it. “i’ll use it how i please.”

“when you decide you want to be more than fine,” he sighed, knowing how stubborn you were. “i’ll always be here. waiting for you.”

you turned around before saying with tears in your eyes, “don’t hold your breath, harrington.”

you felt his hand linger over your shoulder, hesitating to leave his touch before you felt the warmth of his presence retreat. the only sign that told you he was surely gone was the ring of the bell on that glass door and the revving engine of his car.

you wouldn’t have noticed if the glass door had shattered as distracted as you were with the feeling of your own heart doing the same. this wasn’t supposed to hurt. you weren’t supposed to feel anything. but now you felt everything. from the one night, that was supposed to only be one time. so why did you want him all the time?

[fific7]

Velvet

Billy Russo x Reader

@omgrachwrites 500 Follower Celebration

Summary: This follows on from That Swept-Back Hair, approx 8 months later. Things have changed.

Warnings: TBI, memory loss, mentions of sex, angst/fluff mix.

A/N: Loosely based on S2 Billy Russo, but this is non-canon and exists solely within my imaginary Punisher AU. In fact, who is The Punisher? It’s really just The Frankie & Billy Show!

(The little double blink he does as he’s drinking gets me right in the 🖤)

(My GIF)

Your hand glided across the top and then back over Billy’s shorn velvety head, feeling the soft prickliness of the short hairs against your palm. They’d shaved his head when he’d arrived at the hospital prior to surgery.

You still weren’t totally comfortable with the new look, however you knew it’d been unavoidable, and that was that.

It had started growing back a little, and you didn’t want to think about why they were still keeping it short.

His eyelashes fluttered but his eyes remained closed; you sighed and settled yourself back against the uncomfortable seat, ready for another hour’s silent visit.

The sunlight stealing through the venetian blinds threw highlights and shadows onto Billy’s face, and you felt a sudden need to touch his skin. Your fingers ran over his face, feeling each ridge of his scars.

How was Billy going to react when he saw them, you wondered. Let’s be honest, he was a vain man and his good looks had made up a large part of his persona. You didn’t think he was going to take it very well.

It takes a lot of courage for people with disabilities, burns and scars to brave the stares and whispers of others, when all they really want to do is to hide away. The world can be a cruel place, and they have to dig down deep within themselves to find the strength to deal with it.

As you sat there with Billy’s unresponsive hand clasped in yours, your mind drifted back to an awful day, two months ago.

»»————————————-———-　⚜　———————————-————-««

Two short months. How quickly everything can change in a heartbeat.

You and Billy had made a go of things after the Firefighter Affair, as Karen called it. During the six months following it, you’d found yourself in an actual, real-life relationship with Billy, much to your surprise - and intense pleasure.

He’d still spend long hours at Anvil, he had to keep building up the business and you understood that. What you weren’t so happy about was that he was still very much ’hands on’ with the assignments, as if he didn’t want to let go of the reins to a large extent. Inside, there would always be a piece of Lt. Russo, right alongside CEO Russo.

On the other hand, he had to get used to you jetting round the globe on short trips for your new job, which you were loving.

To begin with, there were sulks and jealous outbursts mainly about ’all those foreign guys’ but he chilled a little after you reassured him you had no interest in hooking up with any of them. “Better not, sweetheart,” he’d growled, dark eyes staring you down.

Both of you had made sure you spent time together in between your busy schedules; breakfasts, lunches, dinners, movies, walks and picnics in the park. Taking turns at staying over at each other’s places.

Yes, you’d breached the panther’s den, a huge victory in your mind as none of his other women had ever set foot in it. Hell, some of your clothes and toiletries had made their way into his wardrobe and bathroom, and vice versa.

And, of course, the incredible sex.

Billy was as energetic, sensual and inventive between the sheets as ever. And sometimes he was just pure caveman. You’d be showering in the morning, Billy would strut naked into the bathroom, and you’d hear, “Showering without me, sweetheart?” Hands grabbing you, arms going round you, and you’d be laying on the bath towels on the floor in an instant.

Billy, hovering above you, his body pressing down on yours, eyes gazing at you, “I think you need a little disciplining, angel,” his mouth and hands all over you. You’d thread your fingers through his hair, giving a not-so-gentle tug, there’d be an answering grunt, Billy revving up, ready to give you the best time you’d have that day.

Things were going really well, much better than you’d expected. At first, doubts had still clouded your mind about Billy’s ability to stay faithful, but... there was no evidence to the contrary, he was behaving himself and nothing but very attentive to you. You were now on his arm at every event he attended.

Then, an unexpected phone call one morning as you were getting ready for work. A hospital administrator, who said that you were receiving the call because your name and number were on Billy Russo’s emergency contact list.

Everything stopped, frozen in the moment, as you automatically assumed the worst.

Your brain finally kicked in and began to filter some of what she was saying back to you. Eventually you gathered that Billy had been caught up in an explosion and had been badly injured. Like, really badly injured. She wouldn’t give you any other details over the phone, but agreed when you asked if you could visit him. She did warn you, however, that he wasn’t conscious.

You were scrambling round your apartment, looking for jacket, shoes, bag, when your phone rang again. Karen. You picked up, and heard her trembling voice saying your name and spilling that Frank had been injured in an explosion. Again, you stopped in your tracks.

It dawned on you now why you got the phone call from the hospital, as you were sure Frank would be at the top of Billy’s contact list.

You hadn’t even thought about Frank, that he could’ve been injured too. You felt a stab of guilt.

Agreeing to meet at the hospital, you hung up, dropped a quick explanatory text to your boss, and rushed out to begin your trek over there.

You met up outside the main entrance and stepped into the chaos of the ER. Eventually you were led to a small side room and informed that the attending doctor would come and find you as soon as they could.

Both of you sat and speculated on the severity of their injuries, and what the ‘incident’ could have been. The guys didn’t discuss the nitty-gritty of their work with you, due mainly to the sensitive nature of the assignments.

Karen called into work, firstly to explain her absence and secondly, to ask if there was anything being reported as a major incident, but there was nothing.

A couple of days later, she’d managed to discover that Anvil had got a contract to bodyguard a government official from a Middle Eastern country, and dissidents from there had ambushed him on his way from the airport into the city, slamming their SUV into an escort car and causing its gas tank to explode a few minutes later. That’s what Frank and Billy managed to get caught up in.

The doctor came and collected Karen, saying that Frank was conscious but dazed, and she’d give her more details about his injuries as they walked to his room.

Once you were left alone, the wait began to feel endless. Your mind was circling like a washing machine stuck on the spin cycle; Frank was conscious, Billy wasn’t, Frank was conscious, Billy... why wasn’t Billy conscious?

Eventually, the doctor returned for you, but sat down on one of the plastic hospital chairs rather than leading you to his room. She had that sympathetic but business-like look on her face, the one medical people seemed to adopt when they had bad news to impart.

You found yourself thinking that they had to maintain a bit of distance, otherwise they probably wouldn’t be able to do their job.

She started speaking, telling you that Billy had received his injuries in an explosion, and had sustained lacerations from shrapnel, a dislocated shoulder and a broken foot. But the most serious one had been a substantial concussion which had caused a small bleed on the brain, and this had required immediate surgery.

Swelling of the brain had also caused complications, and Billy had been placed into a medically-induced coma.

She’d stood up then and you’d followed her along several corridors, repeating ‘shrapnel’ over and over in your mind. The doctor had stopped outside a door with a small rectangular window inset above the handle, turning to face you.

“He’s suffered quite a lot of facial scarring, and is quite heavily bandaged... I just wanted to warn you.”

You felt tears stinging your eyes.

»»————————————-———-　⚜　———————————-————-««

Karen had texted you about 30 minutes later, asking if you wanted to stay or go.

To be quite honest, you’d be glad to leave the oppressive little room; the beeping of the machines and rhythmic clicking of the ventilator had been making you feel tense, and a headache was forming behind your eyes.

And Billy’s bandaged head and face - you felt guilty for thinking this - looked like something out of a horror movie.

The two of you met outside the main entrance and headed to a coffee shop you could see on the opposite corner. You had no idea if it had decent coffee but it surely couldn’t be any worse than the dishwater the hospital passed off as a drinkable beverage. Karen caught you up on Frank’s condition as you walked over there.

He had a couple of dislocated joints, two broken fingers, cuts and bruises. Where he’d lucked out - so to speak - was that he’d avoided getting concussed.

Once you’d got your distinctly average coffee, you relayed the details of Billy’s injuries to Karen, and she’d been shocked that he was in such a serious condition.

There was going to be a long old journey ahead to get Billy back on his feet.

»»————————————-———-　⚜　———————————-————-««

They brought Billy out of the induced coma just short of three weeks later. The brain swelling had definitely been a worry, but they weren’t keen on keeping him under much longer. However, more concerning was the fact that he didn’t wake up of his own accord once the medically induced coma was reversed.

The mummy-like bandages had been removed at the same time, revealing angry-looking red scars. The nurses had been applying oils and balm to them several times a day, and this had helped to calm them quite a lot. But you knew they were still going to be a big shock to Billy.

Frank, out of hospital by then and keeping things ticking over at Anvil, didn’t say much - as was his way - but you knew that both he and Karen were as worried as you were about this unsettling turn of events.

You tried to maintain a positive front, but on occasion found yourself literally sobbing on Karen’s shoulder when it got too much to handle.

You fell into a strange kind of half-life; working as usual then heading out to the hospital each evening to sit and talk to Billy, holding his hand. You ate at odd hours, slept erratically, disturbed by bad dreams, usually about Billy never regaining consciousness.

And so it went; work, hospital, eat, sleep, repeat. Day after soul-destroying day.

Today, at lunch-time you were on your way out to grab something to eat when your phone rang, an unknown number. Praying it wasn’t some annoying cold-caller, you picked up to find yourself speaking to a doctor from the hospital. You stopped walking; you usually didn’t hear from them, they usually had nothing new to tell you.

Three minutes later, you were running back up to your office, to let your boss know that Billy was awake and you had to get to the hospital. “Go, go, Y/N,” he said, “and keep me posted!”

In the back of an Uber, you texted Frank and Karen to give them the good news, saying you’d be in touch later once you’d been able to see him.

You really hoped the traffic wouldn’t be too bad, you were majorly anxious to get to Billy. In case he lost consciousness again before you saw him.

»»————————————-———-　⚜　———————————-————-««

Your feet took you through the entrance hall, into the lifts and up to Billy’s floor without any conscious input from you, as you’d taken the same route so many times. You waited impatiently at the nurses’ station, your head whipping round as you heard your name.

The doctor took you into the small side room again; so, a chat before you got to see Billy. The doctor had that same look on her face.

“Billy’s awake, but he’s a little disorientated. Y/N... he’s experiencing some amnesia. From what we can gather, he thinks he’s still a serving Marine in Afghanistan.”

Your heart sank; you supposed it had been naive to think he’d wake up and things would magically be back to how they used to be.

“But that’s normal, right? After a head trauma.”

She nodded, “Yes. And all or some memory can be recovered. But as you probably know, there are no hard and fast rules about if or when that will happen. There are no guarantees when it comes to amnesia.”

You gulped, nodding to show you understood.

The doctor reached into her top pocket, bringing out a card and handing it to you. “We have a psychotherapist affiliated to the hospital, a Dr Dumont. In fact, I think she was planning to assess Billy in the next day or so. She’s got several vets on her books, I’m sure she’d be happy to take him on.”

You handed the card back to her. “Thanks, but we’ve already got counselling set up for Billy. An ex-Marine buddy of his, who supports and counsels vets. He’ll be a lot more comfortable with Curtis. Please thank her but let her know we don’t require her help.” The doctor looked a little sceptical but nodded and tucked the card away.

She stood up, waiting for you to do so and then walked with you along the familiar corridors to Billy’s room. “Has he mentioned anyone’s names when you’ve talked to him? Me, Frank, Karen?” A shake of her head, “No, sorry. As I said, he’s quite disorientated.”

You nodded, asking, “Has he seen his scars yet?” Again, she shook her head, “We thought that might be a bit too much for him on his first day awake. If he’s run his hand over his face, he’ll have felt them of course, but there are no mirrors in the room or bathroom.” You nodded, “Thanks, Doctor. I think that’s for the best. I won’t mention it unless he asks me directly.”

She left you outside the door, and taking a deep breath, you opened it and went in.

The figure in the bed had wrapped his sheets round him, right up to his neck. He was curled up on his side, facing away from the door, a defensive position it seemed. You approached the bed, feeling that he knew you were there, but there was no movement.

“Billy?” you said quietly, “it’s me, Y/N.” No response.

Then his head turned towards you, and you had your first sight of his dark eyes in a long time, gazing at you over his shoulder. But you saw instantly there was no recognition in them, and you had to look down to hide your disappointment.

He began to sit up, struggling against the sheet cocoon he’d created, and you leant forward, reshuffling his pillows. He sank back into them, still staring at you. You drank in the sight of him, awake; you’d really begun to think that he’d never regain consciousness.

“We know each other, then,” he suddenly said, a statement, not a question. Voice low and raspy, no doubt due to the recently-removed ventilator.

“We do, Billy,” you replied, “we’ve been seeing each other. An item, as they say.”

He nodded slowly, “For how long?” You pulled up a chair alongside the bed, “Six months.”

He gave a low chuckle, and now his eyes flickered up and down your body as you sat down next to him, before returning to meet your eyes. His had a slight glint in them.

“So we’ve slept together. We have good times?”

You smiled, nodding, “Very good times, Billy.”

He gave you the Billy smirk, and you knew that your Billy was definitely still in there somewhere.

His demeanour suddenly changed, he looked worried. His eyes dropped down onto his hands.

“I don’t know who you are.”

The flat statement took your breath away. You knew he didn’t recognise you, but hearing it said straight out like that hit you like a slap in the face.

He stared at you again, while you tried to arrange your face into a neutral expression. “Sorry,” he mumbled, one hand gesturing in the air at nothing.

Taking a deep breath, you lifted his hand and entwined your fingers with his, “It’s OK, it’s OK,” you said, although truthfully it wasn’t.

It hurt your heart that he didn’t recognise you, but the amnesia was to blame, and you couldn’t lay a guilt trip on him about it.

He was still gazing at you, and you continued, “I’m here, Billy and I... we.... are all here for you.” Squeezing his hand, “Me, Frank, Curtis, Karen, we’ll get you through this, I promise.”

Tears welled in his eyes, and his fingers gripped yours.

»»————————————-———-　⚜　———————————-————-««

Once back in the privacy of your apartment, you filled in the others on a group call. Frank rumbled down the phone, “So he thinks he’s still serving?” “Apparently so. That’s what he told the doctor. I didn’t want to push it on my first visit. I’m heading back later and I’ll try to talk to him a bit more.” Karen asked if he knew about the scarring yet, and you said no, he’d admitted he was in quite a bit of pain, but all over, not just his face.

Curtis butted in at that point, saying that some of his guys had mentioned this Dr Dumont you’d told them about. “Yeah, she’s got some... weird ideas, they said. Masks and shit.” What? You asked him to elaborate and he’d told you the little he knew. “Well, I’m glad I kicked that idea into touch,” you replied, “none of that stuff is gonna help Billy get better, I’m sure of that.”

When you got back to the hospital, Billy was sitting up in bed, and spent the first five minutes you were in the room just staring intently at you. You’d gently questioned him as to how he was feeling, was he eating, drinking, sleeping, but got no response.

Then he’d shaken his head, as if trying to clear it, and asked, “Am I still in Afghanistan?”

You and he then spent a little time talking about what he remembered, probing to see how far back his memories went. He did think he was still in the Marines, thought he was on a tour, but couldn’t remember who he was serving with, could see some faces but didn’t recall names. You were keen to get Frank and Curtis in to see him, maybe it would help if he was face to face with them.

You could see he was getting tired, so you pushed your chair back, about to stand up, when his hand shot out and grabbed your wrist. It was such a Billy thing to do, you heard yourself gasp.

He looked at you, then down at his hand on your wrist, “Shouldn’t I have done that?” You smiled, “It’s just such a normal thing for you to do it took me by surprise, Billy.”

“I’m always grabbin’ your wrist?” You laughed out loud, “Amongst other things!”

He laughed too, and you were so happy to hear that sound.

“We need to be talking about all-a that.” He tugged on your wrist, “And I reckon I need a kiss.”

You shook your head, smiling, “Maybe soon, Billy, right now you need to concentrate on getting better.”

“But I think it’d help!” giving you a sly side-eye, “jog my memory.”

You leant in, “How can you think about kissing when you’ve been through a major trauma?!” but you were craving the closeness with him, after weeks without it.

His hand suddenly went from your wrist to the nape of your neck, pulling you half on top of him, and you were thinking that some things didn’t change when his lips met yours.

You’d been imagining a fairly quick, chaste ‘getting to know you again’ kiss, so you were surprised when you felt his tongue sneaking past your lips, his other hand moving smoothly onto the swell of your breast, massaging firmly, and you could feel his arousal under you.

You pushed back, looking at him with a smile.

“Marine! Stand down.”

It was a stupid cheesy thing you’d always said to him, even before you were properly dating.

He stared at you, his thumb stroking your bottom lip, “That.. what you just said. It feels familiar.”

You nodded, “That’s good, Billy... I’m happy about that, I say it to you all the time. It’s our little joke.”

He lay back on his pillows, mood changing suddenly, staring at you. “Why d’you shove me away? I was kissin’ you, had my hands on you, wasn’t that familiar to you, Y/N?”

You stroked his arm. “Billy, I didn’t shove you away. I just need you to remember that you’ve suffered a major trauma, you need to be calm, concentrate on getting better...” He was looking tired, head nestling back into his pillows.

You stood up, picking up your bag, “I’m gonna head home now, let you get your rest. I’ll be back tomorrow, okay?” You leant forward and kissed his temple, “Sleep well.”

His eyes were already closed as you pulled back from the kiss.

»»————————————-———-　⚜　———————————-————-««

The four of you met up at the hospital mid-morning the next day. Karen and Curtis sat down on chairs in the corridor, while you and Frank headed into Billy’s room.

You stopped in your tracks in the doorway, Frank bumping into you. There was a small, dark-haired woman sitting on a chair, side on to the door, with a clipboard on her knees.

But what had you both frozen to the spot was the sight of Billy, dressed in a tracksuit, sitting on a chair opposite her. He had a pure white mask on; two eye holes, a fully-formed nose, small slit for the mouth. It was damn scary-looking.

You took a few steps into the room, “Who are you?” you challenged the woman, although you had a good idea already. “And why is my boyfriend wearing that weird mask?”

She stared at you, “Boyfriend? Oh.. I didn’t realise...”

You decided to drop the innocent act. “Are you Dr Dumont? Because if you are, you can take your clipboard and your mask and get out of here. I asked the doctor yesterday to tell you that we already have counselling in place for Billy.”

“Well, yes she did, but about that... to be honest that’s why I decided to..” she looked over at Billy, “assess him in any case. I don’t feel that the counselling you mention would be right for...”

“Doctor!” you hissed, and she stopped talking. “You are treading a very thin line here. I haven’t asked or authorised you to see Billy, so I will ask you again, please take your theatre props and go.”

You’d walked over to Billy as you’d been talking, and stripped the mask off him, holding it out to her. Billy’s wide dark eyes were gazing up at you.

She stood up and snatched the mask from you, placing it on top of her clipboard. With a very condescending smile, she said, “I’m telling you, you’re making a big mistake.”

“Get out! Now,” you said, glaring at her.

The door banged shut behind her, and you said as Frank walked over to you, “Unbelievable! Billy’s had a lucky escape from that quack, I reckon.”

Frank nodded, placing his beefy paw on Billy’s shoulder. Billy’s eyes were searching his face.

“Bill,” Frank growled, “‘s me, Frankie. I’m here for ya.” He tightened his grip on the shoulder under his hand. “I got your back, bud.”

You could both tell that he didn’t yet recognise Frank. But he did recognise the comfort the words gave him.

“Frankie,” he murmured.

Then he looked to you. “Y/N?...right?” You nodded, fighting to keep your expression blank. Still not sure of you, even your name. You caught Frank sending you a sympathetic glance.

You took his hand, rubbing your thumb over his skin. Billy had a puzzled look on his face as he looked up at you.

“Why’d she put that mask on me, Y/N? My face hurts. Don’t I look good?”

Your mouth drew into a line, and you quickly glanced at Frank.

“Billy, you look as good as you always did.”

“Did I look good?”

“Yes, you looked so handsome,” you replied, “a beautiful man.”

That small smile, dark eyes sparkling at you.

“And do I still look good?”

You ran your hand down the back of his velvety head, feeling him shiver as your fingers trailed onto his neck, pleased with his response to your touch.

“Yes, you do, Billy,” you answered honestly, because as far as you were concerned, he did.

»»————————————-———-　⚜　———————————-————-««

Additional A/N: DUMONT 🥊 POW! 🥊 how it would’ve gone down if I’d written S2 😉 And thank you Tumblr for totally eating the draft of this last night, really enjoyed re-typing it.

[kaypeace21]

What was the first moment or scene that made you suspect or realize Will can alter reality? 🙋🏾‍♂️

Hi, anon. :) I think it wasn’t 1 thing in particular but an amalgamation of things. S3 was probably what made everything ‘click’ in my mind. But there were A LOT of things in prior seasons that made me scratch my head - such as the connection/parallels of certain human/nonhuman characters to Will. And I was trying to figure out-what the narrative explanation was for all of this.

But I think what made me think of Will altering reality ...was  mostly how the media Will consumed affected the supernatural plot specifically .  And how the mf was connected to Will’s emotional state and “Will the wise”.Of course this is all unconscious on Will’s part-and he’s unaware. I won’t mention outside film inspos just what’s in the show- for this post.

s1: the demogorgans are connected to Will playing the game.Like how rolling the 7 in d&d caused him to be captured by the demogorgan in the game and real life. And how in the game the demogorgan is attracted to blood so it is irl. The weakness of the demogorgan being fire. And in a s1flashback- Will mentions Will the wise using fire powers against the bad guys. Duffers (in interviews) and Nancy saying the demogrogan was like a shark- and Will has a Jaws poster in his room. And in s1, Will watches poltergeist and is thrust into the same scenario as the little girl (being trapped in another dimension- where the mothers can only hear their voices and communicate to them through electronics ). The fact Will can mess with electronics similar to other psychics, and the monsters.In s1 Mr clarke describes the vale of shadows (later the upsidedown) as being created by “necrotic” (’dead’-zombie boy) and “shadow” (shadow monster/mf) magic.  

s2/3: Mike says he was Venkman. And Will is thrust into the same scenario as Venkman’s love interest.Dana finds a demon-dog in her fridge, and hires the ghost busters. And right before Venkman goes on a date with her she is possessed by the big-bad, Zuul, and is transformed into the gate-keeper (who controls demo(n)-dogs). Venkman proceeded to try to talk to the real Dana , ignoring her possessed form and eventually realizes how serious her condition is, is forced to sedate her. Eventually with the help of his team, Venkman closes the gate to Zuul’s dimension, rescuing Dana in the process. 

-In s2 Will also plays dig dug which is about underground mazes- so the supernatural underground caves are made in s2. And it’s a callback to the s1 d&d game with “troglodytes “ (cave men). And in s3 the Russians had the underground lab too - sort of being the troglodytes in a way.

-Will is called ‘zombie boy’ and in s3 when Will watches a zombie movie and writes a d&d story about juju zombies- the mf creates zombies and creates a monster resembling the thing (because when Will was writing his d&d story he was next to the ‘the thing’ poster in s3). When Mike hijacks Will’s d&d story saying ‘they’ll torch the chambers, sacrificing themselves killing the juju ’. Will gets angry and yells “Fine, you win.” And then Joyce and Hopper do just that- when they pull the lever, and Hopper ‘dies’ sacrificing himself, and the Russians literally are eviscerated.

-Will says ‘will the wise’ is a wizard ( writing on a music tape in s3 “will the wise-wizard mix’ and having his password for castle byers be ‘rhadaghast’- a lotr wizard.) In d&d Mindflayers are created by inserting a slug in a humanoid (like Will at the end of s1). And similar to Will’s s3 d&d story-Will says in s2 the mf drawing was for a story he was writing (which isn’t exactly the truth, but close to what is happening).The way they describe d&d Wizards matches Will/mf perfectly “Wizards are adepts and magicians . wizards are able to create spells of explosive fire, sparking lightning, subtle deception, and gross mind control. Their magic summons monsters from other planes of existence, predicts the future, and turns defeated enemies into zombies. Their most powerful spells can transform one substance into another, summon meteors from the sky, and open portals to other worlds”. Dustin says the mf uses it’s “highly developed psyionic powers for mindcontrol.” Nancy in s2 says: “So this thing is like a brain that’s controlling everything.” And accidentally calls the mind-flayer the mind-flamer ( WW had fire power).Hopper then says “So how do we kill this thing shoot it with fireballs?”And Dustin says “ No, No, fireballs you summon an undead army.”Referencing Will (fire)and foreshadowing of the zombie-esque people Will caused in s3.But Mike actually nails it on the head when he says, “If the brain dies the body dies … closing the gate will kill him(referring to Will).Because it’s not the mindflayers’ brain - it’s Will’s brain- that both Will and the mf share! 

Joyce  describes the tunnels Will draws as “like lightning” (a power Will the wise was shown to have in s1  and mf has in s2).And note in s1 we are told Lonnie taught Will baseball (and this was when Jon told Will not to mimic him)- and suspiciously there is a baseball and baseball-mitt next to the ‘shadow monster’ (mf) drawing in s2, and a bat (next to the ww drawing in castle byers in s3). Cause mf= ww.  Will lies and says the mf is just a sketch for a story he’s writing- but even if that’s not exactly true. The mf is still something he unconsciously created. And the mf comes in s2 during Will’s PTSD “anniversary effect” and in s3 everytime Will is thinking of his romantic feelings for Mike (why the mf shows up in the summer despite light being his weakness). 1st time it’s on one of their ‘movie dates’, 2nd time when Will is sad when Mike and El walk off together down the hill to make-out, , 3rd time right after he smashed castle byers after Mike says “it’s not my fault you don’t like girls”, 4th time (after the fight with Mike) when Billy is yelling to open the door (a trigger) and confides in Mike, 5th time when Mike asks him to go away so he can talk to El in the hospital waiting area, and 6th time when Mike says he loves El. 

-Susie in s3 references the ‘A wizard of Eathsea’ -it’s about a male wizard Ged (Will) who casts a powerful spell, but the spell goes awry and instead he releases a shadow creature! The new Archmage, Gensher, describes the shadow as an ancient evil that wishes to possess Ged. But the ‘shadow’ turns out  to be a representation of the darkest aspects of his personality. And the only way for the chaos to stop is for ged and the shadow to merge.

-‘the dark crystal’ movie poster in Mike’s room is about a race called urSkeks who inadvertently divided themselves into two separate beings; the violent, materialistic Skeksis, and the gentle, contemplative urRu. It was only when they merged back together as one could harmony and peace be restored to the world.

- Montauk Project’- The original title for Stranger things was “Montauk”- in reference to the Montauk Project. Where Duncan could “open portals to other dimensions-  and lets loose a monster from his subconscious.”

- In s1 Hopper says he likes the book cujo , that one of the guards is reading, and at the end of the book they replace the dog Cujo with a dog named Willie. A ref to Will creating the demo-dogs. The fact in s2 Chester (Will’s dog) died at the same time the demo-dogs appeared is probably not a coincidence.

- Susie has a wizard of oz poster & in s2 when murray mentions the supernatural he references the movie.He references Wizard of Oz by saying “people don’t like looking behind the curtain” (in the movie what was behind the curtain was a wizard-Will).

-in s3 Will & El parallel (sebastian & Atreyu from neverending story). Which Dustin references in s3.“Atreyu (who was deemed the ‘chosen one) is thrown  into the sea of possibilities (beach in cali). There he wakes on the shore of abandoned ruins (junkyard for El). There Gmork (The Mindflayer) reveals himself, having been lying in wait.He explains that Fantasia represents humanity’s imagination and is thus without boundaries, while the Nothing is a manifestation of the loss of hopes and dreams. And then latches his jaws onto Atreyu’s leg (like what happened to El).The Empress in the story later tells Atreyu, that despite being told he was the chosen one (he never was). And that it was always Bastian (Will) who was the chosen one -that could save them, all along! And that Atreyu’s (El’s) story, and “others” (the rest of the st cast) are following Bastian’s (Will’s) story all along, making them all part of his neverending story. The Empress tells Bastian that he has the power to save them using his imagination.”*Bastian has a bowl cut, appears to be a normal human, and from a single parent house hold. Bastian even temporarily goes evil after he loses his memories (just like Will).

IT ALL CONNECTS BACK TO WIIL!

* There’s also A LOT more evidence - like the many other correlations/parallels/eastereggs to Will and other human characters (El, Kali, Terry, Brenner, Max, Billy, Hopper, Alexi, Etc) who I believe Will created. As well as the parallels to Lonnie and the demogrogan(which in d&d is called “the deep father”).  I recommend reading my THEORY HERE for all that other evidence. It also includes the cited inspos  for the show there too (which i didn’t mention in this post). It’s a very long post-but I believe worth reading.

[whookami]

Which characters in ST do you think are the most overrated and who do you think are underrated? And why?

First of all, thank you anon! I love questions, I love deep discussion about characters, plots, motivations, etc of the shows and media I love, so my warmest thanks for this!

Next, allow me to start off in the most predictable manner I can: Billy. Billy billy billy. Oh my god is he overrated. Currently in my drafts however I have an essay that is almost 2500 words of why Billy’s character is terribly written, used, and how his entire point in the plot has been largely ignored. So yeah, if you also don’t get why he’s so beloved, stay tuned for that.

I honestly don’t feel any other characters are really overrated. I’m more likely to argue that the idea of them compared to how they are used in the show is the problem. For instance: Will Byers. Man oh man, in theory, he is an amazing character. However, within the show his function is...the PKE meter from ghostbusters. It is such a disappointment. With all of his trauma and internalized hate and guilt, he could be such an interesting character to actually spark off action, rather than just mildly react to it. His problem with not wanting to grow up yet compared to his friends is just...it is a gold mine of material! I hated seeing Will pushed to the side by himself in s3, it hurt so much. A better conflict would have still had Dustin in the mix, who I feel would be more on Will’s side, still interested in the same things, but he would also understand Lucas and Mike’s position. Some deep conversations between Dustin and Will could be excellent right now. Throw in some big brother Steve to tell him that all that chasing girls and stuff is ultimately pretty empty and doesn’t get you anywhere, and bam! Perfect path to giving Will a confidence boost and opening him up. This is regardless of whether you see him as gay or ace, it helps him in both situations. (Personally, I want ace. We have....like, do we even have any representation?? They even took Jughead away from us in Riverdale!!)

So yeah, most characters are just poorly utilized, not overrated.

Now, underrated? Top most is Lucas. He has legitimate skills, he’s brave, smart, independent, and willing to go looking for answers! Honestly, he’s a mini-Nancy. They share a lot of traits. In s1, while I don’t think Lucas was right in not trusting El and fighting with the Party and going off on his own, I understood his reasons clearly, I could respect them, and he turned his anger and disappointment into action! What a guy!! Unfortunately, season 2 and 3 made his plot line completely about romance. I hate this trend with shows. Not everyone needs a romantic plot! Max didn’t need to be anyone’s girlfriend, she could’ve just been a friend, another party member! I am really pissed that pretty much every character gets paired off romantically. Hell, even Steve and Robin were supposed to go down that path (Praise be to Maya and Joe for averting that catastrophe!) Lucas has shown himself to be really self reliant and incredibly determined, and yet in the show he just tags along ninety percent of the time. It is a misuse of the great character we met in season 1.

Another character I feel is underrated is actually Mike. Okay, I think it’s safe to say in s1 we all loved Mike, he was super sweet, and then in s2 he was angry and angsty, but I still really loved him and I understood where he was coming from, and his support of Will was amazing. Now, s3 has some rocky moments, yes. I don’t like him and El pretty much existing only for each other, but some things I like to keep in mind: they were separated for a long time with Mike thinking she was dead, and now he knows that Hopper had her hidden away. Of course he has anger and resentment issues towards Hop, that’s natural! And as for Mike trying to ‘control’ El and her using her powers, etc...I really never saw it like that. From my perspective the one more in the wrong was Max. Mike didn’t want to just be using El’s powers to solve their problems and do whatever they liked, treating her like a tool to be used, because he knows there is an unknown risk possibly associated with those powers. I don’t think we the audience should ignore the fact she always gets a nosebleed. There is potentially a major danger to her brain if she keeps pushing her powers. Max also was encouraging El to use them in a way that...while I can understand the appeal to a young girl, actually spying on people like that is pretty damn disgusting. It is clearly wrong. They’re perhaps a bit too young to fully understand, but the adults watching should be able to pick up that this isn’t good behaviour. Yes, Mike isn’t giving El enough credit, letting her set her own limits, but he also recognizes that she still doesn’t fully understand the regular world and the moral implications of using her powers, as well as the possible health risks. I don’t like how broody and such Mike gets, but a lot of fans gave him the shaft in season 3 for not supporting El in the same way Max was, but both kids were in the wrong.

Those are my main answers, I hope you found them interesting and worth the ask, anon! Feel free to ask anything else you’d like to know or talk about! Thanks again, and lots of love!

[lesbianrobin]

oh.... yes..... as an adhd steve-lover (and person who has a history of unknowingly crushing on adhd characters) i beg to hear ur reasoning......... please...

alright so a lot of this is gonna be like projection ddnkjcn and it turned into more of a general character analysis than an adhd analysis and i’m sure that some things i describe will differ from your personal experience so feel free to critique me but here goes:

Why Steve Harrington Has ADHD

Steve struggles in school, yeah, but that’s not really… crucial to my reasoning? I personally did pretty well in school despite having difficulties with getting work done on time and understanding certain things. The fact that he clearly tried to do well and just couldn’t is what’s important. That’s a classic ADHD thing, feeling like there’s some kind of invisible block making it impossible to think the way you’re supposed to be thinking and do the things you’re supposed to be doing. We see him studying a few different times with Nancy (though he’s reluctant to focus on the task in s1), it’s implied he’s written multiple drafts of the essay that he shows Nancy in the beginning of s2, meaning that he wants to do well. After Nancy critiques his essay, he basically decides to give up because he’ll never be able to make it good enough, and he probably shouldn’t even bother applying to college, and he’ll just end up working for his dad anyway. It’s a bit of an extreme jump from the relatively mild criticism he receives, but it seems to me like the kind of mindset that I (and others with ADHD) fall into constantly. First of all, rewriting something you’ve already written when you have ADHD can be… torturous. It’s impossible to focus because you’ve done it already, it feels pointless and boring, and your brain is just done with the topic. To Steve, there’s no point in even trying because he’s never gonna get it right, and he’d rather not even try than apply to college and have to suffer rejection. ADHD isn’t laziness or apathy. People with ADHD actually tend to care a lot about their performance in various aspects of life, and they care so much that it can often either propel them to excellence or drive them to depression over failure (whether that failure is true or perceived). Spoiler alert: we’re about to get into rejection sensitive dysphoria, folks!

I think this describes Steve perfectly. He wants to be the best at everything (Prom King, anyone?) and he cares a lot about what people think of him (to the degree that he spent three of his four years in high school behaving specifically to avoid the possibility of Tommy H and others making fun of him). Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria, or RSD, is a condition which impacts almost all people with ADHD. This means that they are far more sensitive than most people to what others think about them. Think about Steve’s entire character arc: he essentially spends season one chasing the approval of Tommy, Carol, and Nancy. When Tommy and Carol’s desired behavior differs from Nancy’s, causing conflict, he’s forced to take a look at himself and decide what’s more important to him: pleasing his friends, or doing what’s right. Since Steve is a certified angel, he goes with what’s right, and from there goes on to apologize to Jonathan and help him and Nancy fight the Demogorgon. (Sidenote: the fistfight with Jonathan could definitely be considered as further evidence of ADHD! RSD can cause extreme emotional reactions when the person in question feels that they have been hurt or rejected, such as Steve believing that Nancy cheated on him with Jonathan. The fact that Steve resorted to cruel insults that he clearly doesn’t believe shows that he was acting out of his own hurt and anger, not out of true hatred for Jonathan.) 

Anyway, s1 Steve’s entire life is built around seeking approval from his peers. He realizes that his desire for approval has turned him into somebody that he doesn’t like, so he makes a change, and by s2 we see that he’s shifted somewhat: Now, he wants to please Nancy. He’s able to handle being mocked by Billy and Tommy H because he no longer puts any stock in their brand of approval, but being told by Nancy that she doesn’t love him elicits another (somewhat) extreme emotional response: he immediately leaves her at the party with Jonathan and doesn’t pick her up for school the next morning. He’s upset with her. Later on, he goes to her house with flowers intending to apologize, though he doesn’t actually know what he’s apologizing for. All he wants is for Nancy to be with him and like him again, because he can’t handle feeling unloved and rejected. S2 is also where we see Steve’s academic insecurity, and he hints at issues with feeling like a failure in the eyes of his father. By the end of the season, he’s able to handle not being loved by Nancy because he’s found a new source of self-esteem and approval: Dustin and the rest of the kids. Through acting as their “babysitter,” Steve’s found something to take pride in that nobody can take away from him. Billy may have overshadowed his basketball stardom and broken his keg stand record, but Steve no longer needs these shallow achievements to feel a sense of self-worth. 

S3 shows that, although he’s moved on from seeking approval from specific peers, Steve is still stuck searching for validation. He flirts indiscriminately hoping for anybody to respond positively, and he gets a job to appease his father. Here, I’m gonna jump ahead a little bit (because that’s just the way my brain is saying it’s gotta be lmao) and talk about a few of Steve’s other canon traits, then circle back around to how we see his ongoing struggle with RSD manifest in s3.

Now for the trait that people more commonly associate with ADHD, especially in men and young boys: hyperactivity. This one is a little more self-explanatory so I’m not gonna spend as much time on it. Steve excels in situations with clearly defined rules and expectations where it’s easier to stay on-track, as well as in high-pressure, fast-paced environments. This is why he succeeds in basketball and why he’s such a big damn hero every season. He thinks on his feet and steps up in intense situations without hesitation. Steve is the one who wedged something under the elevator door so that everyone could escape, he’s the one who took out a Russian soldier before he was able to alert anybody else, and when he saw Billy about to ram into Team Griswold Family, he crashed into Billy’s car. Part of this is the fact that it’s a sci-fi action horror show, and there are going to be dramatic action-packed situations, but it’s telling that if Steve is around, he’s almost always the one leaping into danger and adapting to the situation to deal with it quickly. Speaking of s3: The conversation Steve and Robin had on the floor in the Russian torture chamber!

This feeds into an even more elaborate Steve meta theory of mine about how he basically lives his life as if it’s a play and there’s a script and a set of rules that he’s gotta follow to please the audience, so I’m not gonna go into ALL of it, but this conversation is also important to the idea of Steve having ADHD and struggling with RSD. Steve says, “It just baffles me. Everything that people tell you is important, everything that people say you should care about, it’s all just… bullshit.” When Robin says that she feels like her life has been “one big error,” he agrees. So far, Steve has lived his whole life according to one set of rules. If you flirt with girls and go to parties and play basketball, you’ll be cool and popular. Now that he’s graduated, he’s floundering. The structure of high school is gone and everything he worked for doesn’t actually matter in real life. People with ADHD often struggle more than others with the transition from high school to either college or the working world. Loss of familiar frameworks, routines, and actions can hit the ADHD mind hard, and this is pretty clearly happening to Steve in s3. In the beginning of the season, he can’t even manage to have a decent conversation with a girl without bringing up school and his own perceived failures. Sidenote: Robin also mentions that Steve was late to class every single day, which is both extremely relatable to me and the most ADHD thing I’ve ever heard. I knew exactly how long it took me to get from my house to the school, and I woke up with plenty of time to get ready every single morning, yet I somehow managed to be late so many mornings that I got multiple detentions and ended up having to skip a couple of classes entirely because another tardy would have fucked up my disciplinary record.

Later on in the bathroom scene, when he’s talking about why he didn’t talk to Robin back in school, Steve says, “…maybe ‘cause Tommy H would’ve made fun of me or I wouldn’t be Prom King. It’s stupid…” and it’s somewhat of a continuation of the earlier conversation. Steve is expressing the same sentiment. Now that he’s out of high school, everything that he once used to measure his success and self-worth is just stupid. This is another classic RSD thing! People with ADHD/RSD often set impossibly high standards for themselves and then struggle with self-hatred and doubt when they cannot live up to these expectations. Robin kind of inspires and encourages him to set new, more attainable standards for himself. Spending time with Robin makes Steve happy in a way that he’s never really been before, and he realizes that all of the benchmarks of normalcy and success that he’s been striving for don’t guarantee happiness like they’re supposed to. Instead of finding happiness in academic, romantic, or athletic success, he finds happiness in an unlikely friendship. His whole arc for three seasons has essentially been a big struggle with RSD and impulsivity where he learned how to handle social rejection and place the needs and feelings of others before his own.

There’s also a ton of little things in Joe Keery’s acting choices that support ADHD Steve, like his near-perpetual motion and the way that he’s gotta pace and eat a damn banana (both the traditional way and the no-homo breaking it into pieces way, might I add) so he can listen to Dustin talk about the Russian code. I personally relate to a lot of things he does, like mixing up basic names and facts (like Nazis/Germans in s2 and Gumby/gumbo in s3), and needing to explain a whole situation out loud before he really gets it (like when he runs down the entire monster situation in the mall in s3). I don’t know if those are ADHD things but they make me feel Seen. 

Anyways. That’s about it!! Thanks for asking lmao

[wellamarke]

i finally saw stranger things 3 and i have thoughts that i will break down by character ((they are not very deep thoughts, they are mostly love)) 

first, the kids

1. my beautiful son, will byers, for once did not have a hell ride of a season and got to smile a couple times. he took a bit of a back seat really, and i feel sorry for noah schnapp for all the ‘neck scratching’ memes he’ll be buried in now that it was basically his signature move for 8 episodes (and not even a particularly useful one) but anyway... the destruction of castle byers was one of the most heartbreaking scenes and i would have liked to see more fallout from it, but we can’t have everything. mike’s ‘it’s not my fault you don’t like girls’ line? eiiiish can we get some follow up in s4 please. (it might not be your fault mike but you’re involved lmao) so anyway. glad will got a breather season, but man when he was crying so much in the goodbye scene, i felt that. could not cope. 

2. lucas!!!!!!!! my treasured son!!!! i love him so much. he was such a hero this season! he is always down to fight with his catapult and i adore him. i love what a terrible casanova he makes. i wish there had been some kind of glimpse of him looking after max after she watched her brother die, because that’s a complicated thing for those two. but s4 awaits. i would love to see lucas take a more central role in s4, incidentally. in terms of the boys, s1 was mike’s time to shine, s2 was will’s, s3 was arguably dustin since he got the most time away from the group? s4 lucas please and thank you 

3. my angel daughter max, i love her, she’s so brave and brilliant, and she is such a good friend to el, and although billy-as-he-was didn’t deserve her, she was a good sister, too. i worry about her a lot. lucas and max better be the front and centre couple of s4, i swear. it’s their time. let them. i guess i was a little confused at first at how much max’s style changed between seasons, but i support her always, and her clothes now are so happy and cute. she’s adorable. now somebody please make sure she’s alright. where is her mom 

4. dustin, light of my life, he is a good child and i am proud of him! i have always related to dustin’s position in the friend group lmao so to see him off with his own little crew was very adorable. i love him as both steve and robin’s child and steve and robin’s parent. he is so resourceful and i love that they finally utilised gaten’s angel voice! i was so glad suzie turned out to be real and plot-relevant (kinda), please can she come for a visit in s4? thank you. 

5. eleven, my daughter, my small small child, she broke my heart so much this season and i am so proud of her for finding herself. her s4 arc of regaining her powers will be very interesting and i’m excited for her and joyce’s relationship to be developed more, because i love them both. i really appreciated them going for the angle of ‘eleven needs to exist outside of mike’, partly because the way they were behaving at the beginning of the season did seem to make sense for kids their age with a connection like theirs, and it is healthier for them to.... not. at least sometimes. el is so hardcore, i love how her dialogue is still written a little stilted while still letting her express herself. she had so many iconic lines. i can’t believe they took hop away from her. also i’m a little disappointed (but not surprised) that there was no kali.

6. mike, my child, my gangly and adorable son, he was a joy this season (even when he was whinging). you know what killed me? how TALL he was when he hugged his mother at the end, especially compared to the s1 scene after will’s “body” is found. logically i know that these are actors who are growing up but it feels like an assault every time they flashback to their tiny s1 selves, and mike is just a giant now. bless him. he is a good boy who is trying his best. i don’t really understand why he didn’t tell el what hopper had said much earlier, but he’s a silly teenage boy, so, you know. it’s like that. 

7. erica my precious daughter, oh my goodness, i enjoyed her immensely. i’m so glad she’s properly part of the crew and is beginning to embrace the nerdy part of herself. icon. priah ferguson is an entire gemstone. when nancy etc graduate to the adult storylines and mike and co are the resident teens, erica will be the lynchpin of the new generation and i couldn’t be happier about that. 

now, the teens

1. nancy was so iconic this year, DAMN. this girl never rests and i love her. i’m glad the romantic drama was minimised, just enough to keep them interesting but not so you really worried she was going to pingpong back to steve or anything silly like that. nancy is such a role model truly. she’s so brave. my life, when billy’s car was hurtling towards her and she just stayed shooting. that’s my girl. (also, she’s so gorgeous. i feel like 80s fashion happened mainly so that natalia dyer could recreate it)

2. STEVE my sweet sweet son. again, an icon. i can’t believe they actually kept him in that sailor suit the whole season. what a national treasure. when he slammed billy’s car! i cheered. i’m very proud of the person he has become and his friendship with robin is just adorable. so glad that they will be able to discuss pretty girls together now that they work at the arcade. also, maybe he could make it to the end of s4 without cutting up his face, but that’s probably too much to ask, isn’t it? 

3. robin is my entire heart, i can’t even express how much i love this girl. she’s so clever and brave and wonderful and i can’t wait for her and will to share a scene (because cOME ON the solidarity!!!). i love her sarcasm and wit, and how she just jumps into the madness and gets stuff done. a queen. welcome to the family, robin. 

4. jonathan my boyyyyy, he was lovely this season, i was so proud of him when he took the situation in hand with el’s injury (even if she ended up doing the surgery herself!) i am excited for him to be el’s big brother as well as will’s (side note: el and will are sure to be the cutest siblings) and hopefully he and nancy can continue to navigate the stormy sea of being the teen flagship without too much on-again-off-again. we get it, they’re meant for each other. loved their moment with the scar at the end. 

5. oh, billy. i will admit, i felt bad for him a couple of times, and he certainly suffered enough, not that his treatment of lucas in s2 will ever be excused. dacre montgomery really gives the most, which makes billy weirdly watchable. i will never understand why they chose to bring back the karen wheeler stuff, brrrrrrr, but, yeah. i’m glad they didn’t exactly “redeem” him, but managed to kill him off while still adding depth. (he tried to save el and good on him for that, but in the end it was joyce who stopped the mindflayer, so). 

aaand the adults!

1. murray was a complete delight, and i was thrilled to have him along for the ride. i’m heartbroken that murray/alexei will not rise, because that had potential.

2. joyce was wonderful and hilarious and brave and heartbreaking and perfect, of course. i can’t believe they’ve now killed off BOTH her love interests (as far as she knows, anyway). that poor woman. i hope she can continue in her role of best mother ever, now that she has an extra traumatised child on her hands. joyce is the true mvp. the moral strength that woman has. the brains. the curiosity. she’s a way of life. 

3. hopper, where do i start. i actually didn’t like him much at the start of the season. i get that he hasn’t had a teenager before, but he seemed to take a little too much delight in petrifying mike, especially since he knew how much it would genuinely hurt el. that seemed a bit extreme for the sake of not wanting to give a corny speech. but anyway. this man is a true trooper. so many fight scenes. and we’re supposed to assume he’s not actually dead, right? the post-credits scene in russia was almost entirely pointless (big deal, they got a demogorgon) apart from the line, ‘no, not the american’... i mean, surely that’s hopper? surely? murray is unaccounted for in the time jump, i suppose, but no way he was captured and not joyce. both or neither. man, imagine the reunion with el and joyce, if hopper really isn’t dead. i’m going with he’s not dead. we never saw any remains. kudos for still making his apparent demise pack a whole punch, though. that letter destroyed me. 

other things:

1. the turning-people-into-goo stuff was so horrifying, how do you even go about creating those visuals 

2. some of the fight scenes i kind of let happen without really watching, and just came back to see who was still upright by the end, how do people watch this stuff

3. joyce didn’t decorate her house :( in fact the magnets undecorated themselves, as a forerunner to the entire house being stripped.... wow....

4. mr clarke is an absolute beaut and i love the way he was used (although it was strange not to have dustin included!)

5. i love love love how this show operates, with different teams finding different parts of the mystery and piecing it together under fire. i love how none of them ever go, “hey, we should tell the other people who are usually involved in this stuff, chances are they’ve got themselves into it this time around.” 

6. the byers’ dog is still unaccounted for 

[bruhhemianrhapsody]

final stranger things 3 thoughts

so i’ve slept finally and maybe cried a bit more and like? i figure i should actually talk abt what i liked instead of shit posting lmao. obviously this post contains spoilers under the cut. y’all have been warned.

first off i just wanna say, plot wise, this season was the strongest by far. while i’m really unhappy with how the duffers handled the writing of their characters (which i’ll talk more about later) the story line and plot devices they used to pull off this season are absolutely superb. episode by episode and together as whole i find it was really well paced and well executed. the fact that they had more than one antagonist—and not the “”human antagonist”” bullshit they pulled with billy in s2—makes it all that more interesting to watch and i think that’s what really what keeps you on the edge of your seat the whole time. with such an extensive cast of characters they were really able to pull off having two separate stories really, really, impressively well. this season was the most gory yet—and i’m totally here for it. the cgi was 11/10 and maybe this is just bcuz im a fucking weirdo but the monsters this season were the best they’ve ever been. shit kicks ASS.

that being said, they don’t know how to write good character development and it SHOWS. most of the characters this season come off so one-sided and lacking substance. specifically for me this was the worst with steve, at least up until the final few episodes. it feels like they turned him into comedic relief for absolutely no reason, and his only motivation the whole time is girls girls girls. the last few episodes were better, more so after robin came out, but the whole time he just kind of feels like an empty shell of a person with no substance whatsoever. same goes for mike, i get that eleven has always been the biggest part of his story, but to make him even remotely believable there just needed to be something else for me. idk, almost everybody this season kind of fell short for me, including billy. the writing didn’t do jack shit for him, and the only thing that i think really separated him from the rest was dacre’s performance. of fucking course i’m biased, but the low budget redemption arc that was given to billy really would’ve never worked without dacre’s skill to back it up.

specific scenes i really enjoyed? the sauna scene and billy’s death scene obviously. for once i’ll give them credit for writing these scenes very well, and of course props to dacre and sadie and millie for just? being able to invoke so much emotion. i also really enjoyed the will/mike scene out in the rain (gay rights or whatever). the whole alexei/hopper/joyce/murray dynamic and all of their scenes were also top notch, we stan.

anyway literally fuck the duffer brothers fuck them that ending was such a cop out, and probably the only part of the plot i really hated. for the obvious reason that they killed my boy billy, which by the way? fuck that. stop killing off victims of abuse for shock value and “”redemption””, write stories about victims getting help and victims getting better instead of taking the easy route and have them die the hero. stop treating trauma like a throw away plot device you can use and then ignore. also like? fuck them for making robin gay. like yeah okay i would die for her i love her and i’m glad we have representation and maybe i’m salty because i wanted billy to be that person for this show, but it just feels like representation for the woke points, not because it’s important to the story. i dont know some of y’all might hate me for this but it would’ve been so much more impactful if it was billy. they set it up perfectly, the whole max and billy blaming each other for leaving cali (which never gets explained, also, but in my brain it would’ve worked really well if say, max caught billy with a boy and ratted to neil), the weird thing between steve and him (which the duffers had to pull a quick no homo on lmao), the agressive queer coding in all of his scenes in general, not just with steve (i’ll die on the hill that the scene with heather’s family was absolutely born out of internalized homophobia. as well as him going after karen, that shit reeks of repression and denial), his dad calling him a f*ggot (which i mean sure it’s the 80’s, but it’s seems like a very pointed insult to me) and the whole toxic masculinity thing he’s got going on that just feels like too much to write it off as it just being the 80’s. it just really felt like the duffers cut off something that could’ve been so powerful and important, for no reason other than no homo. idk it just? rubs me the wrong way.

this season was good, but it’s just could’ve been so much better and i’m just? disappointed but not surprised at this point. idk it just feels empty and hollow and i can’t imagine what they’re gonna do with s4 now that everything is just kind of? eh whatever. i think i’m gonna go take another depression nap and then maybe come back to cry abt my boy some more lmao. fuck the duffer brothers.