#i didnt have any other friends at the time tho so
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It is possible I have fell into an emotional pit of despair solely because it has finally hit me that in less than two months I will 19 and I have never even had my first kiss or experienced any form of romantic love, fuck I've barely experienced platonic love
#okay maybe thats not the only thing making me sad lately but its what i cant help but focus on#but like i generally dont know what i meed to do to go about getting a girlfriend#like i rarely meet new people#okay yes i recently moved countries which resulted in meeting nnew people but also i have only met like 2 gay people and neither were singl#though to be fairthe last proper crush (and maybe only like proper crush) i had was on one of my best friends#and ahe now has a girlfriend#and never liked me like that#like i say best friend but i dont think she ever really cared for me as a friend let alone anything else#i didnt have any other friends at the time tho so#maybe im just unloveable#no but actually what is there to love
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#personal#lmao around this time last year i decided to give up on him n LMAO girl if only you knew#i should have just talked to him but djdjjdjdjd idk it felt weird. but he even like. complained one time that we didnt talk all summer#like LMAO..... bro its two ways. u could have messaged me too xjdjjdjdjdj#tho to be fair i think he did show up to a dinner but i wasnt there bc i had just had wisdom tooth surgery n was 1. blown up like a balloon#and 2. so high on pain meds i couldnt function JFJDJJDJDJDJDJ#n e way whatever jdjdjdjd im just laughing at myself bc how did this man become my closest friend from college Zhfnnddnnd#our relationship is so weird. not in a bad way but in an unexpected way#we sat beside each other an entire semester n never talked til the last day like thats so FUNNY IDK#i even said to him that time. bc we were talkin in the hallway n went to sit for the exam n sat in our regular spots of being one seat awa#y and i was like... you know its so funny that we sat beside each other all semester and only talked today#and he was like.... hahha yeah#i was gonna introduce myself but it felt so stupid JDJJDJDJD#i didnt even know his name LMAO#i had him narrowed down to 2 names. bc he was one of like 2 guys that Always showed up in another class' zoom#and LOL i was right. he WAS one of those 2 shjdjsjsj#n e way. then the next sem came n i didnt know whether to say hi to him or not bc we talked ONCE#and i was still wearing my mask at this point and so id try to smile at him with my eyes but never got a response HDNJDJD and so i got soooo#annoyed with him. and even more so bc i kept making friends with ppl and they KNEW HIM??? and i was like WHO IS THIS????#then one time he came up to me n my friends before class n we just talked and i was like o lmao this annoyance im having??? its a big ole#crush BDNNDNDND#and in community college its hard to like. know ppls ages and that day i found out he was 2 years younger so i was like o ok 26 n 28 isnt#bad at all#but thinking back.... first things we exchanged that time was age and i think he was also trying to fish for whether i was single bc he was#talkin about this other guy havin a baby n a wife n i was like o wow !! i didnt know!!#jdjxjdjdjdk god when he found out my age he was like... oh i never would have guessed you were older. you look young ZFHJDJDJDJDJD#oh so you were Looking is that right HJXJXJXJZJZJ GOD LMAO#i look back on so many moments n im like oh duh... he must be interested#but for me its like. i will literally more easily believe literally any other theory so i thought he just liked one of my friends Zhjxjx#ya i dont think so anymorem but i thought that up until like mid january HDHXJJXJDDJJDJ
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started mother 3 . real good so far but the battles r kinda driving me crazy w the rhythm game thing
#IM STUPID !!!!!! I CANT DO THSI SHIT#i dont really play rhythm games the only other thing ive played is the fucking. rhythm heaven tutorial level at my friends house#multiple times. ive never beaten it. IM SO BAD ITS NOT EVEN FUNNY#i dont even get what ur supposed to be timed to or whatever in battles tho like#i keep putting enemies to sleep and trying to do it to the heartbeat thing but it doesnt ?? do anythint ???#the stupid thing that tells u abt the rhythm battles in game says you can get by without doing it but i kinda doubt that#like…. thats half the whole battle gimmick youd imagine the game is balanced around it being utilized#also im judt absolutely getting my ass kicked rn i never got any game overs until i got to the castle#i forgot how to spell the name sorry#uh anyways i died like 7 times . sigh#still havent gotten thru all of it but whatever ill figure it out eventually#i needed to take a break anyways#its kinda bumming me out how much trouble im having w this but ive only played for like 3 hours its a whole game ill probably get better#as the game continues ??? idk#inquisitivewaltz.txt#characters and whatnot r very fun so far but again im only 3 hrs in so not much has happened i didnt already know abt XD
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yes i make all my hawkes black haired for shits n giggled but that doesn't mean i can't make lilian fake-black
#this is semi canon but it is in my head regularly xD#just because why not#and also because it would be very funny to me if seb (ergo the only companion who wasnt around in act 1)#would not realise that she is fake until he sees carver in act 2 for the first time#yes he did see her in act 1 but he didnt exactly remember every detail and simply assumed it has always been black#this is not important in any way but she *would* tease him with it forever#like my friend have you never noticed my roots coming thru. have you never noticed that my body hair is not black#and he'd just get flustered like well i didnt look THAT closely#(theyre good friends btw)#laya plays dragon age#i may have brainfleas rather than brainworms bc they jump around all over the place all the time lmao#but they all get back to the same thing & circle around each other#been spending way too much time in the black emporium w robin and came out with the exact same look hdshsh#technically i would remove the beard bc i think they would feel dysphoric abt it at this time but also the face looks weird without it#& i cant get the face to look how i want#so beard stays on#gotta draw them to figure them out maybe idk#for now tho: recruitment time!! i need to gather my disaster gang <33
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its time for yet another brain game of am i like fully neurotic or was this genuinely not a cool situation . prize is jack shite and yet im playing anyways👍
#j.txt#vent#just like. to preface. im not bringing any of this up im just going to stew in it for the night and then move on as per usual#alright disclaimer made now i can get to the point. So. tonight is my close irl friends bday right but she didnt tell me about any plans#so i naturally assumed she was gonna do her own thing and not really celebrate. Ive had work all day and while working get a text frm her#asking if we want to go to this restaurant i introduced our group to for dinner. so i respond saying oh im off at this time if yall want to#go even tho its late i can. Never get a response so i assume theyll bring it up when i get back. get home and no ones here not a word abt#whats going on. i do my usual unwinding get ready to chill etc which takes abt half an hour. she comes back with our other mutual friends#and theyve already gone to the restaurant which is fine i get it. but they get back and say oh now we're going to this themed music night at#a club we've all been to before as soon as (other friend) changes. and then just. dont offer for me to come along or anything and leave.#which like. whatever its happened a hundred times before im used to it but Still. does it not even occur that I might want to participate??#if i had Any notice that this was happening I could have been getting ready instead of slacking around waiting for someone to get home#its so. i try extrememly hard not to be a downer or just invite myself to things bc I Know this is how they all operate but it does still#sting that it feels like im not even thought of if i dont happen to be in the room when plans are being made lol.#and obv I am Not bringing this up rn and ruining what im sure was a really fun night for all of them#its just truly a goddamn bitch of an unsatisfactory situation yknow. but such are the whims of fate and i shall endure as always✌️
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i'm really excited for next season but sadly C4S4 is the first season since C4S2 that i won't be able to get to level 200 on on my main. actually last two seasons i bought the level up skin and didn't this time but last two seasons it wasn't relevant because i leveled up to 200 even without considering them. worth noting that on my switch/work account i got several gold style skins this season while last season it only got a couple of the wildscorch styles. my main and switch accs are around the same level lol. ohwell i dont even really care that much not getting gold kado, if i never got gold mizuki i'd kms but gold kado is whatever. having gold piper mae and antonia on both of my accounts is really cool to me
#my post#the tags are a ton of ranting about my fortnite accounts!#if i put in some effort i can get gold fish thicc on my main but idk if i will in time lol#btw on my OTHER switch account that doesn't even have a skin yet#we're sitting at 600 vbucks so next season its guaranteed to be able to get a skin#it's on my switch that's not an oled i haven't sold yet for some reason#that i play on sometimes just goofing around at home as a bit of a side project. i have hyperfixation on fortnite lmao#also you can use it to get into low tier servers tho i didnt think to make it a refer a friend for the shroom skin ANYWAY#whether i stick that account out til it gets 950 for the battle pass or just get one at 800 it'll finally have a skin and that feels nice#i havent played on it for a while because there arent any rewards i can get on it rn anymore. like i did the horde rush etc#and got the event pickaxes and gliders and stuff lol grabbing the f2p stuff like i been doing on there#this season was the first time i got to lv 96 on there and got all the vbucks possible from the free battle pass
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Does Jiro has ghost like abilities (possession, ability to levitate things, etc etc) or does she just live in Shiro's head?
when i created this au, i thought the best option would be for her to be unable to interact with the physical world in any way(including possesion), beacuse i really wanted to lean into her isolation and how it affects her....... and while thats something i still want to emphasise here, lately ive been toying with the idea of jiro being able to impact the physical world somehow(though it still being fairly limited). i think letting her have some control could have a lot of potential! buuuut i also have no idea what abilities i want her to have lol
For now i think im not gonna give her any telekinetic abilities, bc i feel like it would be giving her too much power......... if she could throw shit, shed go APESHIT with it. it would made things too easy for her. i'm sorry babygirl but i'm NOT giving you the possibilty to throw knives and other sharp objects, i dont trust you to not kill someone:/
i really like the idea of her being able to temporarily posses her old body in certain circumstances tho- maybe when shiros uncouncious?? or like when hes is very tired or heavily injured she can kind of 'squeeze through' and take control back for a few minutes???? idk. i think this could be a very cool ability to give her- it cant be frequently used but can also be very helpful, and also theres so much potential for ✨shenanigans✨here>:) oh god i could put these fuckers in so many Situations with this..........
uhhh. so basically i think all of her influence on the physical world are through shiro. shes here bc of her connection to her old body, and thus its the only way for her to interact with anyone besides him- and shes NOT HAPPY about this(neither is shiro).
#ask#thank you for this ask!! it made me think more in depth about jiros abilities and come up with this so thanks<33333#if you have any ideas pls share them with me cause im still not really 100% set on everything lol#also im making a new tag for this au ->#two disasters au#bc. theres two of them.. and theyre both Mentally Unwell#also im gonna use this ask as an excuse to ramble about jiros motivation and character a bit-#okay. so i feel like the most importrant things about jiro are her tunnel vision and self-rightiousness#she gets really focused on one thing at a time and then fixates on it so much that she doesnt see how her behavior affects others#so when she gets evicted from her own body her first reaction isnt 'oh god this is such a messed up and dehumanizing thing to do to your#friend. what the FUCK guys'#its instead 'oh COME ON how am i supposed to be the black paladin without a physical body??? what the FUCK guys'#and bc deep down she KNOWS that if she ever stopped and thought about her situation for like 5 seconds shed just fuckin BREAK. so. she#doesnt do that.#and bc her self worth hinges on being the black paladin#she is really protective of tha title and tries her hardest to make sure shiro knows just how much better at paladin-ing she is than him#and that he wouldnt be able to keep the role without her help#she doesnt have any sense of personhood besides her job and so she clings to it desperately#the same applies to her gender#when jiro gets a new body(did i mention that???? i feel like i forgot to mention that. whoopsie???) he#(sometimes im gonna use he/him for jiro for when im showing things from a certain characters perspective cause thats what pronouns#she was using at the time)(if thats not okay i can stop tho) was trying very hard to pretend that hes just Shiro No. 2 and nothing more#to kinda 'make things easier for everyone' and bc he could FEEL the gender crisis approaching and was just. dead set on ignoring it and#hoping those feelings would go away(spoiler- they very much didnt. it just made things so so much Worse)#so anyway. basically jiro is a person obsesed with being Good Enough and respected but also lacks the experience patience and foresight#wnich results in her ignoring everyone and everything else to focus on doing her job Correctly#does this makes sense?? im still figuring shit out with her but thats what ive got rn
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actually ive been thinking abt this a lot lately like basically for years i assumed i was very (cis)het passing and only recently ive become aware that i am in fact. very obviously perhaps almost comically gay to other queer ppl. like lmaoooo ok then
#i think its bc a) when i came out at like 15 everyone was super surprised so i assumed ppl still found it unexpected even now#+ b) im not super aware of social cues generally (autism) so dont tend to pick up on stuff like that unless its explicitly said#+ also c) ive never felt like i physically appear very conspicuous bc i dont have any piercings/tattoos/never dyed my hair etc#i only cut my hair short relatively recently too..... so idk i just assumed i blended into the background for everyone#but now im interacting with ppl outside of my tighter social circle more often ive become more aware-#of how ppl might perceive me. or rather ive become aware of just how UNaware i am of how ppl might perceive me#and its really funny how many odd interactions ive had in the past suddenly make sense if u assume the other person clocked me as gay#like strangers that have gotten flustered around me that might be bc i was giving off strong dyke vibes etc#the other day i was in a bookstore and the guy behind the counter was very stiff + quiet until i replied to smth he said and suddenly he-#became way more animated + started talking to me more casually + that was the first time i realised i probably sound gay as fuck#like i think i kinda have a stereotypical gay mannerism/lilt to the way i talk... no wonder i used to get called a fag so often lmfao#or like i remember trying to find a lab partner in 3rd yr of my degree + i had to do it on call only bc of covid + there were a bunch-#of us with similar lab interests but it got sorted SO fast bc this one other student seemed to gravitate immediately towards me#and i remember thinking afterward that it was odd how quickly we resolved that. esp bc we didnt even meet it was just voice call#anyway yeah i found out she was a dyke much later but i think maybe she clocked me straight away bc of how i sound....?#and that was why she warmed to me so quickly... but god i remember debating for ages with my ex abt whether she was gay or not#like my gaydar is truly terrible i suck balls at picking up on cues so its funny that to some people im reeking signals#also i met up with an ollldddd old friend last week + 30 secs in she was like oh fuck you must use different pronouns now#gesturing to Me. like oh..... im visibly gnc......? or maybe behaviourally???? idk. also shes v femme which made me realise that-#i rly do come across kinda masc/butch nowadays. even tho ive never really thought abt it that deeply before or made an effort to#i mean yeah i do identify along those lines but ive never directly considered how to flag that to other people etc im just doing me baby#ANYWAY this has been a rly long ramble idr what point i was getting at but just find it fascinating to think abt how im read in public#bc im just genuinely so unaware of it. its weirdly rly validating to find out that im automatically recognised as dykey + a little masc#boosted my confidence a lot as well tbh ive felt rly comfortable in myself lately. partly also cuz im getting a little muscular ;^)#ANYWAYYYYYY enough of all that i need to go sleep if youre reading this ily goodnighttt xoxo#.diaries
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anyway. i am going to be SO incredibly livid and angry and throwing an absolute tantrum on thursday if i dont get good feedback on my script.
#and by good i mean anything actually helpful not just 'omg wow this is amazing' tho ofc that's acceptable too#like a month back now u. might remember that the day i was supposed to get feedback on my outline i literally ended up#holding back tears in class bc it was so. just. pointless and rude and genuinely not helpful#and last week everyone was soooo boring about the scripts that were due like no one was giving helpful critiques or anything#it was all just sooo insufferable u people are not being constructive about like actually helping someone develop their story or whatever#ur just being stupid. and by that i mean it. like they didnt even try to just understand the humor or worldbuilding of this one kid's scrip#t it pissed me off.#and i actually had fun with my script finally it's a first draft so u know it's gonna have its weak spots but eye had fun hanging out#w my girls <3 so. if people could attempt to be helpful this time around that'd be awesome.#like last time a few people made snide comments like 'um about this - well i can't even remember this one's name' hey girl. you could#probably look at the very contained outline i wrote that's right in front of your face instead of saying annoying shit like that to the#writer's face!#the vibes have just been off. that class was so fun for a while and lately it's been such a bitch fest.#they were so mean about mine and my friend's i think people r jealous that that's our bestie prof's class but like. he doesnt treat us any#kind of way you know. and he's supportive of everyone like u dont have to make this weird#sorryyyyy for complaining about what i THINK is wrong with everyone but like! idek how to deal with their passive aggressive shit anymore#they're mean to each other too sometimes#just gonna go crazy with it on thursday#abby talks
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okayyyyyyyyyy got lost for 3 plus hours with half a tank of gas trying to find the closet rest stop to my work with shitty directions printed at the libaryyyyy staying with a friend tonight and then probably heading home to be talked into moving back tomorrow but aha i am the devil
#dont reblog im on a computer and cant figure this shit out#personal#assuming of course i didnt burn that bridge today#so my brother texted me asking like hey mom wants you to print this for her#and i was like you understand she kicked me out right. does she understand that#blow up on him and reveal how i feel like no one in the family actually loves me and while im not gonna do anything i wish i was never born#bc every aspect of life is so horrible and just keeps getting worse#dramatic but also look at my personal tag thats true. thats documented proof for like 10 years worth of data#i mean def better in some way worse in others despite it being one of the worst times of my life also doesnt feel that bad#my friend im staying with is telling to stay flat out#and like going into it and my other friends are enouchaging me to do so too but hehe imma victimize myself#unless of course theyre all done with me#but anyway go there dont print it bc internet is down and my mom is home and starts swinging verbally#even tho i said dont tell dad or the lady living with us but whatever. anyway so im like hey. no on forced you to kick me out thats on you#and shes like i said you can stay and im like after kicking me out#no one forced you to do any of this and gave her the phone and shes like keep it and iim like no you just asked for it#not to me but she was telling my brother she was gonna cut the line so i told her im returning it and she didnt correct me#anyway so i go to my room to grab some stuff and she follows me and is like you at least have to listen to me you owe me that much#im like i dont you owe you anything actually but god i feel awful#she blocked the door so i wouldnt leave and i was so angry i shoved her out of the way and she looked so genuinely shocked and ill be honest#ill be drinking tonight about that specifically#i ran out of there like a coward all angry with her yelling at me to listen#ii ended up coming back twice bc i left mail and two needed to contact my friend so i could stay over and dang she dont answer random s#just barely missed her but saw that she said lets talk when i get home and my brother begging me for a way to contact me bc hes worried#weeeeeeeeee this all over me calling out with hours
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man i’m kinda exhausted tbh. maybe. maybe. i sleep
also fun fact i think it is hilarious that. w/o context. i will say i screamed this birthday more than any other bday b4
#⋯ ꒰ა starry thoughts ໒꒱ *·˚#haha. hahaha. No#anyways more rambles bcs i just REMEMBERED. holy shit#okay i will explain in tags now. the context#I WATCHED TRAIN TO BUSAN FOR THE FIRST TIME!!! watching scary movie on bday yeah haha#it is funny that the lil girl has a bday in the movie... and it was my bday when we were watching... LMFAO#speaking of which bayo3 and arknights anime and the new gbf event w kou uncap is here now. i will do that asap#i've barely checked any bday greetings from games save for a bit from lyria so far and those from marius ... >___<#anyways yeah i watched scary movie w friends this night. hilarious. i even teared up. and got so angry at those guys. they deserved that#<33 ^^ BUT YEAH this is the bday i've screamed the most. my throat hurts tbh. also the cake earlier was pretty sweet#but uh fun to play around w. yeah. yeah. GJHSDBJHG YEAH i kinda play w my food <//3 it is fun okay. also it's not too messy#just lil weird designs and uhh stuff. like splitting the cake layers and lune adding uhh the cake onto the icing of the cake (??) yeah??#yeah tho WHEEEEE !!! o man right... i was surprised to see who first greeted me hbd tbh. from my class#vv nice of them tho gdsbgjhsbd i wasn't expecting it from her tho. ALSO HOLY SHIT I NEED TO WATCH THE TXT VIDEOS#they preformed here in the ph on my bday and they are my favs. i love them#also i shld check out my favs like social media accts from games and kpop and see what are posts on my bday LMFAO#THE LIGHTS FUCKING WENT OFF WE HAD A VERY QUICK BROWNOUT HOOOOOLY SHIT#o man i was kinda scared to check some of my other discord servers bcs i forget them bcs i have. a lot of stuff and all#so only really focus on the ones i have energy for but I DIDNT HAVE TO WORRY MUCH ... SOBS ......... i am happy#I FORGOT THIS WAS HERE. oh my god#i stop ramlbing and now talk irl
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thinking about how last year my art teacher assigned us to make ‘a medieval inspired piece from your cultural background’ and i was like great that’s easy and immediately got to work on researching the book of kells illuminations for inspo. meanwhile everyone else entirely ignored the prompt and did literally whatever they wanted. so i was stuck there looking like a jesus freak while the dude next to me did a piece based off car seat headrest
#i wish i was joking 😭 it turned out REALLY well tho. its on my instagram if u scroll down a bit link in pinned or whatever#art#and i didnt really have any friends (except being casual acquaintances with the csh dude actually lol) so i couldnt be like#HEY IM JUST FOLLOWING THE ASSIGNMENT i had to sit there and look like a guy drawing jesus fanart of my own free will#definitely one of the most experiences ever.#btw i am ALL for people ignoring prompts i did it alllll the time in that class#but i literally had zero other ideas so i was like eh what the hell i like illuminations so why not
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Thinking abt my nuggets again. Explodes them.
#rat rambles#oc posting#in particular Im thinking abt my girl ding shes my best friend#I actually have been thinking abt giving her a funky design if I do eventually draw her but I am facing one key issue#she has like. no ego gifts.#which is sad! I wanna play around with ego gifts more! most of my main guys have boring gifts!#I could just pick her out some but that feels like cheating I wanna work with what I get y'know?#but I dont have her working on anything so she'll probably never get any naturally#so alternatively I could do some like. number generator scenanigans to chose like 3 random gifts to give her#that way I dont get to chose and am forced to work with what I get#which Ill probably do but Ill have to blacklist a few gifts (mainly the eye covering ones since thats an important part of her design)#I might also do this with some of my other gift lacking guys that might help rhem gain some favor with me#Im quite attached to most of my older nuggets but theres only like 3 or 4 of my newer ones Ive been able to click with#and by newer I mean from like the middle of my second runthrough (Im currently on first day reset number 4)#so thats not a good sign for any of them#well tbf a decent chunk of the newest ones are from the last run through so those guys genuinely are quite new#anyways maybe giving them somw gifts will give me more inspiration to actually think of stuff for them#the siblings are the only ones that I have any attachment to right now of the last two batches and ema is lucky to be one I like#and my girl ding earned her position in this corporation so Im obligated to adore her#for context she was one of various nuggets I made to sacrifice to grind out tool abnormality info#but she somehow managed to survive one that I fully expected her to die to so she gets to stay#one of the other ones also got to stay but thats just because I had enough info for we can change anything already#and by stay I mean sit in storage for the rest of time because I think it's funny#he was my guy for whatever the hell the weapon upgrading one is called#for the non leathal ones I just had most of them finish the research and then go to we can cange everything#but he lucked out and got to live#the others didnt tho so rip to them#at least my tool grind is officially complete and I dont have to worry abt it anymore#I also am in general really close to being done with my abno info hunt#I even defeated apocalypse bird a lil while ago so I basically only have white knight to worry abt now
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we had fun tho the whole family hung out and we did some sporclee and chronophoto and then globle me n lamp nd father did globle bc mein mamma went to sleep. yay :]
#nd i think tmrw or something like that me n my mom will finish off 13s run in de#which im excited for bc im rly excited to get to 15 bc my mom loves it and im excited to be caught up so we cn talk abt everything#i am a bit bummed i ws rly hoping 2 like 13s seasons better this time around.. but i didnt :[ just the writing didnt come together 4 me and#i feel like the companions weren't developed much at all#and im famously a timeless child hater like i think its stupid for the dr to be the timeless child. like if there hss to be a timeless child#Fine ig its a fine origin story its kind of a like. answering a question nobody asked thing#where like. yk. i was fine with the tjme lords judt having regeneration#but mein mamma told me that they like drop all that and it is Nottt mentioned again eith the new writers which is so funny#the blessing and the curse new writers. bc the blessing is if there was a writing decision i dont like The new writers will completely#abandon it and go do their own shit. the downside is they do the same for things i do like#missy what happeneddd like where. UGH we cant even get into it i miss my princess so badly it hurts#ik we like. saw her die im just like. bc this master was not at all like.. it just doesnt feel like a continuation at all#my moms theory is he might actually be an earlier incarnation of the master since they never actually specify. nd then i was checking the#wiki and rheres some weird stuff like. missy forcing all of her Good parts to regenerate into some other lady and then like.#idk it just said that. so idk if that implies the bad parts regenerated into like. evil master... i dont know. but wtvr. im excited#and a little birdie told me donnaaaaa will be baaaaaaaaackkkkkk which is the best thing that could ever happen to me im SO excited. my#friend donna#i like that like. i like getting new companions inlike when companions dont overstay their welcome cough cough. clara. but i do love seeing#companions come back like sry it does get me everytime im always like My friend my friend my friend. yk. i just love to seeing them again...#oh i got distracted. i was gonna say i rly dislike the dr being the timeless child bc i rly like when the dr is judt like. a guy. gender#neutral my mom laughed at me bc i said rhat earlier and went That sounded like im complaining abt hrr being a woman. im noy#THATS WHY I WANTED 2 LIKE HER LIKE. im so bummed that the first female dr is the one with In my opinion the weakest writing. like fml. tho i#havent seen any of the older stuff so idk... just from 9 onwards is what iiiiive got going.#but ya. i ws so worried voicing my criticisms to my mom bc i ws worried i ws just being a hater or nitpicky#but my mom agreed with me on a lot and ya. i rly like discussing stuff w my mom even tho im almodt positive i annoy her sometimes bc i get#too busy discussing my theories and being like And what about this and i get distracted from the show where theyrelike#explainjng somrthing jm asking abt. JFBFJFNT#i judt love discussion. and its tly fun to talk abt it with my mom :] yay#like ikit snnoys ppl when someone talks while watching smth or theorizes while watching smth lr asks questions that will be answered#but lke its my fav part of watching things w ppl 😭😭😭 im fr the yapperrr
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yo brain who are we again
#this is the third time i have told someone (close friend who is a system) about the things i do#and they have told me to consider looking into DID or something similar#so apparently having multiple different personalities you put on around different people#and each one having their own “identity” in a sense#isnt normal behavior#and also leaving notes and such for yourself because you know in a few hours you will probably be a different person#and will not remember shit isnt normal#which i guess thats understandable#sometimes i go do Something and then when i get done im like wow. this is not fucking me#but i thought that was just Not Knowing Who I Am Yet#oh and the little guys in my head arent normal either. i guess.#like no deadass theres this one super kool guy his name is jeremy he rocksss he told me uh he likes country music or something#and this girl. it doesnt have a name yet i dont think. yeah shes a bitch but its fun#the one weird thing that hangs around in the back didnt have a name either so jeremy suggested we name it after one of my favorite stars#thing is i thought systems were like. they stemmed from trauma and such. i dont think i have any trauma that could. cause this.#most of my life has been fine like idk#mmmmaybe its just me making up the little guys#i used to do that as a kid. id think up friends in my head and we'd like. idfk play 2gether. it was fun!#there are also. other little things i think but they dont talk and i havent heard from em in awhile#there used to b dis whole group of them that all had the names of stars. real kool people i thought they were sick#havent heard from em tho so idk#i know people r like “try out the label and see if it fits!!” but what if it DOESNT fit and then everyone thinks i was a FAKE nd shit#idk#welp#tw vent#i guess
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#her private life.... i really didnt expect it to be so good JDJDKDKJXJX#im on the 2nd last episode n omg#my friend told me to watch it years ago but i didnt get to it until now#im glad its now tho bc LMAO any other time i would have been like... lol... liking a guy irl more than sung jin???? hilarious.#but now... lol............... 💀#personal
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