#i didnt mean to write this much so i made it a read more lol

[evelili]

As an immigrant child, your new fic had resonated with me. It made me tear up eating dinner with my family.

When Saffron said, “This selfish desperation to know that I haven’t lost my connection to my home." It instantly took me back to being constantly teased by my friends for not being 'in tuned' with my culture like how they were, or how I desperately tried speaking in my native tongue with my parents, despite having a very clear american accent and them constantly assuring me that speaking in english is fine. My grandmother had passed earlier this year, she was the grandparent that I knew the least. I started asking about her from her sisters as my mother isn't in the state to answer anything, I've tried so hard to pick up the pieces of what her sisters have told me to construct an image of her personality. She used to constantly ask me to call her so when I read about Saffron talking about how video calls have were never the same and never enough, it hit me like a load of bricks.

Your fanfiction is so tremendously beautiful in describing the feelings I have felt all my life. How I know that where I am right now isnt home, but my actual home has been so unfamiliar after my grandmothers passing. I have constantly felt like I have disappointed her, so when Sunset confessed to the same thing, I couldn't hold my emotions in anymore. The ending with Saffron talking about how she would be waiting for Sunset to come home if she was her mother made hope that was true with me and my grandmother, if I were to ever reunite with her again when I pass away myself.

Thank you so much for writing this story. It was the most comfortable yet intense stories I have ever had the blessing to read. I am sorry for rambling and I hope this entire message makes some sort of sense? I hope whatever you're dealing with gets solved to the way you have hoped it would.

You have also made me see dal in a new light, it was never a food that I used to like, but I am willing to give it another shot lol

i looked at this ask earlier and had to take some time to process how to respond to this. i think tho i still dont really know how to, so i hope thats ok!

first of all, thank you so much for being comfortable enough to tell me ur story. it really means a lot that you would open up to me, a stranger, and the fact that you did so bc something i made had an impact on u quite actually moved me to tears. im a bit of a soggy mess rn lol. thank you again, truly.

second, i want to express my empathy for you and your situation with your grandmother. my grandad passed away before i could graduate, and it was during the height of lockdowns, so i hadnt seen him in a while. i didnt go to visit him in the hospital, so theres always this feeling of "what if i had called more? what if i had tried harder to visit? what if i spent more time with him?" that doesnt really go away. and, as a kid of 2 immigrant families, i can also really empathize with feeling a disconnect from your culture--when ur not surrounded by ur parents culture but u also visibly dont look like ur "from" the one u were raised in, it can feel really alienating, even though you havent done anything except just. exist in this sort of inbetween?

all of this i guess is to say that, i put a lot of my own experiences into this fic. and it's almost relieving in a way to know that u saw what i put there, and that this experience is something that other people have felt as well. thank you so very much again for reading ;v;

[gemapples]

see you in 2024 💗💗

very personal ramble about my year and experiences, etc. under the cut. kind of neg just a warning but if anyone would be willing to read it the whole way through i'd appreciate it so so much

2023 was certainly... a year for me. had many highs but a Ton of lows, went forward one step but took two steps back. i'd be lying if i said i didnt struggle and know what to do for a lot of it

i did get to meet and even become friends with people i look up to, got to learn new things i didn't know before. and one of the problems i noticed throughout this year is i spent way more time than i needed to focusing on my usefulness for others and what i can do for people rather than prioritizing myself and my mental health. i think a lot of problems i experienced in 2023 was due to me getting too caught up in how i'm perceived by others (especially on social media like tumblr). for 2024 i want to work on this and be sure to put myself first in every situation and be the best person i see myself as -- not overdo it for the sake of others. i'm going to try being more straightforward with myself and how i choose to approach people. i want to be more involved in this fandom and get to know more people who love kirby better rather than just hiding away and watching from the side like i have for many years, waiting for them to approach me first at some point. i made a lot of progress on this a lot in 2023 but i could always be better :')

regardless though, i wouldn't have been nearly as ready to get back on track if it weren't for the support you all have given me throughout this year. august and september were two of the worst months i've ever experienced; i won't get into it (if you know you know), but goddd was it harder than i can even describe. i've never had to go through something that resulted in me questioning my Entire artistic ability, my whole worth, and whether everything i've grown and learned from is just completely fake. i couldn't look at my work and all of my social medias without being completely disgusted and disappointed with myself. i'm in art student too, so you can imagine how fucking hard it was to balance and muscle through that as well lol. it was nothing but hell. if i didn't get the support i did from everyone, i can say with full confidence i wouldn't have been able to pick up my pencil phone and get back to drawing Nearly as quickly as i did. in fact, i probably would still be deeply effected by it and not have the motivation to continue posting for at least a long while. so i seriously can't thank you enough for that. all the words i was told still stick with me to this day and gave me a reason to keep pushing and learn to better understand myself

im tearing up as i write this so i'll have to cut it short LOL but i want to express how deeply it means to me that through all the conflict i've experienced throughout this year, you guys were there for me and were so generous to offer your time to support me and help me out. knowing i make at least one person smile and enjoy what i post is enough for me. hopefully 2024 will be easier on the emotional rollercoasters, i think all of us could use a long break from chaos really lol

thanks for everything and i love you

-mac

[corvidae-00]

Tsudere /sub touch starved Jax in heat that pretends to hate the reader but does things to secretly be with them x a fem happy but smart Uzadere that loves being in the circus.She loves adventures,animals,cute things,fighting,food ect! lots of energy too but can be pretty insensitive and a little selfish with a little crush on jax. I feel like at first jax would completely reject liking her then he would be extra mean,then Maybe subconsciously know he likes her amd hates the feeling lol. cus he copes by trying to not have feelings and tries to act "tough". its pretty obvious that the reader is in love with him but his dumb ass cant catch on . She gives lots of compliments which makes him flustered and mad ( he is mad bc he thinks nobody likes him that much, he is mean to her to make her go away but it doesn't work ) but he pretends not to care. the reader would definitely confesses first tho. Sorry for such a long request its just that not many people write jax in this sorta way so i had to be detailed lol. also if you don't wanna use female pronouns you can make it non gender ofc 😅tysm for even reading such a long thing! and you don't have to do this at all lr you can switch it up. Anything is VERY appreciated tho😊 also i feel like max would be a massive virgin due to how annoying he is...he definitely a horny bitchless rabbit-

AHHHH! MY FIRST ASK ;0; Thank you!!! And i personally LOvE Jax- like its an issue 0-0 but im so happy to write for him first! your request is amazing and i truly love it! i hope i did it justice!!! i hope you dont mind HCs! if you did want a story just hit me back up in the answer box and ill write a lil something for ya! ;)

MDNI BELOW THE CUT+ Warnings: Smutty smut themes, bottom Jax <3- Cussing, swearing, the norm

The Reader definitely brought light to the Circus, when she first appeared she was the TALK OF THE TENT, everyone was happy to finally have someone around to liven up the place- > besides jax- the little shit made it his sole duty to make sure Reader was the punchline of his jokes or somehow always "in his way" and the Reader often got the butt of the assult. > Jax being Jax when the feelings for reader started to arise- he got scared- a little worried- upset even. More at himself than you but still pretty pissy- this just made the tourment wose oh lord- > Reader found this fun, more ways to annoy and poke and proad at Jax, finding his constant target on the Reader absolutely hilarious > Reader always calling the oblivious rabbit pet names!!! *Toots, Fluff butt, Shnookums (Only because it pissed Jax off and everyone would laugh), babes, Etc Etc, > Jax STILL oblivious to the reader ;0; taking it as her teasing him and pushing him and oh no we cant have that!!!! Jax haaates it. Secretly likes it HATES IT- >Despite the tension between the two Jax would often threaten Caine or sneak the other circus members things of value to be around reader. not knowing why- HE IS MADLY IN LOOOVE he wanted to be around Reader!! SMUT >Jax in heat is something i dont think even he saw coming- like they are digital code- BUT DAMN- > Stuck in his room alone humping a pillow and pulling his ears over his face embarrassed beyond belief at his own actions > Reader was coming to annoy Jax concerned why she didnt see him at breakfast (His favorite meal of the day may i add- >Knocking on his door reader had a shit eating grin "Sleeping in pookie?" She calls through the door only a groan and a loud huff was the response she got >Thats rude. Reader thinks and just assuming he is having one of his man period days- Reader enters his room- and boy is the sight she sees amazing- Jax face down and ass up with a pillow under his hips, face flushed a deep purple and his overalls down to his waist- > Reader and Jax are just staring at eachother with wide eyes >"G-GET OUT!!" "Nah i dont think i will" >Lets just say reader helps the little bunny get the relief he was so looking for- >They dont argue as much anymore-

----------------------------------------------------- THANK YOU FOR READING!!! I hope you enjoyed your request and it was too your liking! im still getting back into writing so its a slow process!! let me know what you think!!! thank you so much!!! <3333

[emmkitt]

I FINALLY HAD TIME TO SIT DOWN AND DRAW TPOT 9 ART (SPOILERS KINDA BTW)

also edit i made a fanfic to accompany this art: https://archiveofourown.org/works/52410481

im soooo good at writing oooo you wanna read my loser ass fanfic ooooooo

ok back to the og post:

i love zombie two theyre so silly lol

i was hoping gaty and zombtwo would actually interact but they literally just snapped her out of existence 😭. I MEAN. THE FACT THEY DIDNT JUST LIKE. ZOMBIFY HER IS SAYING SOMETHING THOUGH

i still have SO many questions

ok have what i WISH wouldve happened, im in the “gaty shouldve actually saved two like she intended to’ club

my theory is that the ‚two is a robot’ theory is still potentially canon and therefore when two was bitten they werent actually infected. But they didnt want anyone to catch on so they pretended to be zombie. but they didnt wanna actually hurt anyone so instead of biting anyone they just sent them to the elimination place so 1. the people who saw them wouldnt be able to be like ‚yo two actually aint infected yada yada’ and 2. could still convince everyone they were actually infected.

but thats quite a stretch LOL

other more likely thing is that since two is algebruhlien theyre just infected differently so they do dumb shit cause theyre silly like that

dude rhis show is going to kill me this episode presented so much new lore I NEED ANSWERSSSS

[petals2fish]

1. Fortnight - functioning alcoholic 🥲 YOUR QUIET TREASON. All my mornings are Monday stuck in an endless February. POSTIC GENIUS. Magical move on drug YIKES. I love you you tis ruining my life. I touched you for only a fortnight but I touched you. “My husband is cheating I want to kill him.” MOOD. I love you it’s ruining my life. I’m calling ya but you won’t pick up. Went to Florida?!?! 🫡🫡🫡 thank you post Malone for your service.

2. The tortured poets department: “I’ve seen this episode but still loved the show.” Aka I THINK IVE SEEN THIS FILM BEFORE AND I DIDNT LIKE THE ENDING. “Who’s gonna love you if not me.” Lol “We’re modern idiots!!!!” JUSTICE FOR CHARLIE PUTH!!!! “A tattooed golden retriever” made me laugh out loud. “I chose this cyclone with you.” Is so Jily plz. “You’re not Dillion Thomas and I’m not patting smith.” Okay Tay. NO FUCKING BODY: 👍🏼 “Sometimes I wonder if you’ll screw this up with me.” Spoiler ‼️ he did. “Everyone we know understands why it’s meant to be.” I didn’t thanks. “Because we’re crazy.” Okay mood. HE PUT THE RING IN HER RING FINGER?!?! “CLOSEST IVE COME TO MY HEART EXPLODING?!?!” PLEASE?!?! “You left your typewriter at my apartment straight from the tortured poets department.” Five stars!!

3. My boy only breaks his favorite toys: ‘I’m queen of sandcastles he destroys.’ Jumps out at me. “Cause I knew too much.” WHAT DO YIU KNOW TAYLOR. “Should have known it was a matter of time.” Taylor is the queen of ignoring red flags. 🚩 This is a fun beat though besties. “Once I fix me, he’s gonna miss me.” YEAH. TELL EM BESTIE. “Stole my tortured heart and left all these broken parts. Told me I’m better off.” Sorry Taylor you were better off babes.

4. Down bad: NICER BEAT OKAY. “Dawn bad crying at the gym.” Mood. “Fuck it if I can’t have him I might just die.” No why is this so FUNNY. Like this is Matty we’re talking about for sure. “Everything forms out teenage petulance.” I mean yeah cause you were still developing a prefrontal cortex when you met him. “So fuck you if I can’t have us.” HAHAHAHAHAHA I LOVE THIS PART. Honestly I feel you Taylor, I’ve been dumb for a dumb boy before too. It’s okay.

5. So long London: EXCISE ME OPENING WITH A CHORAl. THESE KYRICS WHATLFHAKRHS FUCKKKKK. How much sad did you think I had??? Oh the tragedy?! So long London, you’ll find some one???? “You left me at the house by the heath.” “I stopped CPR”?!?! 😿😿 “YOU LET Me give all that you for free?!?!” SHE GAVE YOU A FUCKING GRAMMY YOGURT BOY AND YOU DIDNT EVEN WANT IT. “too graves, one gun?!” Good for you baby girl. “I’ll find someone” SHUT THE FUCK UP. I’m gonna throw up. Fuck fuck fuck. Taylor 😿😿😿😿 “I DIED ON THE ALTER” ALDBSKAHDBSJSKS NOOOOO. I’m crying. My Shakespeare queen. You’ll find someone RIPS at my heart.

6. But daddy I love him: “bedroom eyes like a remedy.” Fuck how many matty songs are we getting. This reminds me so much of a faith hill song. No I will not elaborate right now. Very country narrative. This one will be fun to scream in concert just for the “I’m having his baby…no I’m not!!!” Very chaotic. 4/5 stars.

7. Fresh out of the slammer: daily disappearing just to see him smile?!?! Girlie pop you really do lie to yourself don’t you??? “He was with her in dreams” I mean it’s really joeover. This song is fun, I like it, very chaotic as well. 5/5 stars.

8. Florida!!!: Florence my queen you make this song beautiful, I need more listens to deconstruct it though:

9. Guilty as skin: girl just write self insert fanfic if you want to fuck someone this badly (can’t wait to write and read fics based off this one hahahaha) 5/5 stars 🌟

10. Who’s afraid of little old me?: shit I’m crying. Fuck fuck fuck. She truly hates most of the new fans huh. Lmaooo SHE SINGS THIS IN ALL HER REGISTERS OMGGGG. It’s all her past selves screaming at us!!! Aldhaksjdka she’s so fucking clever

11. I can fix him no really I can: AHAHA THE ENDING KF THE SONG ALDBSKAHDKAJDHAKDHW SHE REALLY SAID “OH SHIT DAMN I FUCKED UP DIDNT I” 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

12. Loml: Joe Alwyn you need witness protection

13. I can do it with a broken heart: oh god this was hurts me more than so long London because it hits home for every damn time I had to preform on stage and then go cry in the shower between shows 🥲

14. The smallest man who ever lived: 🚨🚨🚨 found at the scene of the crime: Joe Alwyn's Small Dick

15. The alchemy: AHHHHHHH!!! HOLY FUCK WE GOT A TRAVIS SONG ALDBSLAHDBSKSJDBWKEHDBAKWJD HE GOT A SONG FUCK YESSSSS

16. CLARA BOW: the outro. The OUTRO. THE FUCKING OUTRO. I’m dead. 😵

Overall: I love it. I love it. I love it SO DAMN MICH. you can tell how much time and effort she put into production and story telling. FUCK. I love this album as much as I loved Folklore the first time I heard it!!

[etherealspacejelly]

i feel like infodumping so here is my opinion of every new who companion!!

Rose Tyler

shes the og, shes That Girl, she is the moment! (lol, get it?) Rose was one of the best companions fr. her love story with the doctor is so beautiful and so tragic and honestly, he Needed her. ninerose >>> tenrose i said what i said. 9/10

Jack Harkness

very fun character! they kinda ruined him in torchwood a little bit. some of the earliest explicit queer rep in mainstream media i ever saw, if not the first! i loved his dynamic with rose and nine. 8/10

Mickey Smith

my sweet boy, my babygirl. he deserved so much better fr. dont get me wrong, i love Rose, but the way she treated Mickey was so mean. also the doctor hated his ass for no reason other than he was competition for Rose's affection. plastic Mickey was iconic. 8/10

Martha Jones

ICON!!! QUEEN!!!! i Love Martha soooo much. she was the only companion to Get Out and i love that for her, she deserved it. she slayed fr. however i do kinda hate that most of her character was simping for ten like. girl. stand up. 9/10

Donna Noble

Oh My God, incredible. cant wait to get her back!!!! the adipose scene through the windows???? hilarious, i can quote every word!!! she gave the doctor a run for his money and i love that for her. she was exactly what he needed after Rose and Martha, just A Mate. 10/10

Amy Pond

my favourite companion!!! eleven was My Doctor tho so thats probably why. every episode of season 5 is a banger. i love that she and Rory and River became a family to the doctor. love her. little Amelia is so cute and grown up Amy is a total badass. fish custard/10 10/10

Rory Williams

my beloved <3 hes so boyfriend fr. raised my standards as a kid. he waited 2000 years for her ;-; 10/10

River Song

hello sweetie :)

i love that her story was told backwards, very interesting narrative choice! knowing that she was always doomed to the library was so tragic. learning all of her secrets over each series was very fun and satisfying!! 10/10

Clara Oswald

hmm. not one of my favourite companions. she's ok i guess? the impossible girl thing was kinda cool but i dont really like her as a character. 5/10

Bill Potts

YESSSS! i love lesbiabs. lessbiens. women. her ending was super sad tho :(

she was cool and fun and gay 9/10

Yasmin Khan

hrm. boring. didnt have much of a personality, not really her fault the writing was just so shit. she had potential!! thasmin 4 lyfe! 4/10

Ryan Sinclair

yea. no. dont like how they made his dyspraxia a fun quirky thing that he just. magically got over somehow??? its a literal disability. my brother has it. it could have been so interesting to see how that manifested over the course of his travels with the doctor but its almost like they just. forgot about it?? also he was boring as hell. 2/10

Graham O'Brien

i literally didnt even remember his surname, i had to look it up. he was just kinda. there. a little more interesting than Ryan i guess?? but. still. 2/10

Concluding remarks

looking forward to Donna coming back and meeting the new companions!!! i hope the writing is better in this season :/ chibbers was Not It. anyway. thanks for reading my silly little ramble!! special interest go brrrr

[not-souleaterpost]

opinion on gopher

Well no shade at any Gopher fans but not really positive so dont read further if you dont wanna be sad😂

To me Gopher kind of is one of the reasons for my controverial oppinion of the anime being better than the manga:

The most simple and least pretentious way of describing my thoughts and reasons is - I find him unfunny and obnoxious, while also feeling that he is a pointless charachter with wasted potential at the same time.

But to get more into detail...

When did he get introduced (if I remember correctly?): During that whole mini-arc about Maka wanting "to be an angel".

I have many problems with that part of the story, especially with how it turns Maka into some generic "tsundre kawaii girl who not so secretly likes the guy who she is bitchy too"

But I wont get too much into that, just the fact that I get the point - Gopher gets introduced as foil to her in that arc, to kinda give her a reality check of how unlikeable and childish she is acting.

But the point is, that even with the most charitable interpretation of the arc, Gopher IS just by his nature a charachter tailor-made (literally) to be obnoxious and annoying.

And unlike Excalibur, I find the way in which he is just groan-worthy and not charming and soothing (Yeah Excalibur is great, shout out to the OG)

But ok, maybe thats just bad impresions, does he improve later? Not really cause his whole gag stays this kinda creepy quasi incestious obssesion with Noah and idk, dont even wanna write about that part too much lol

But even if one just looks at it as a charachter trait with possible development, it leads nowhere, Gopher being static besides his final gag (which I admit is funny but also a bit ehh with the whole implication of what hes gonna do with 7 naked unconcious bodies...)

Still, one could say why am I'm expecting something out of a gag charachter? Just dont overthink it - maybe I wouldnt if Ohkubo didnt kinda setup a situation where it seemed there could be more to him, only to be just wasted panel time in the end:

What I mean is, the whole setup of him torturing and integoriating Kid - which seemed to be a perfect opportunity for charachter development for both of them - because they actually have some simmilarities:

Both are "created" and "reverant" to their Father-figure, both have unhealthy obssessions and both start throwing childish tantrums when things dont go their way. (also surface details like both seemingly being anime pretty boys appeiling to a specific demographic, with the dark hair and proper dress-code etc)

Yet all that didnt lead to anything - neither Gopher realised that his "master" is horrible compared to the other side, nor did it make Kid reflect about his own obssessions and how obnoxious and ridicolous he must look to others.

Neither was there anything about being sorta non human, "created" not born - but thats excusable cause that was revealed after the fact in Kids case.

Hell, still there could be even some strengthening of both sides negative traits, the tragedy of communication being impossible, but all lead just to an ok gag of Kids face being made unsymmetrical.

But also on a tangent, the whole "black wings" thing also just seems to be derivative - especially when the much stronger parallel of "angel vs demon" with black and white wings was between Maka and Crona, so yeah I think the whole obnoxious Maka and Gopher thing kinda deluded that meaning, but thats more of a pet peeve.

Still, to leave of not with just bitching, but an interesting thought, or atleast kinda funny in a stupid way (enough that I will prolly use it as filler in my iceberg videos):

So Gopher is a creation of Noah. But Noah is just one of seven other creations. Who are made by the Index, which is just a manifestation of a part of the Book of Eibon, which was written by the Wizard of the same name.

How many layers of being a tool is that?😂

[eastereggie]

woohoo !! didnt except to respond to this whole essay (for more context, im talking about the document jay made about the drama in the kaeloo fandom lol) considering the fact that its basically just 222 pages of insults towards random (and especially her mental state -who tf do you think you are btw) and then pretending to be a saint by randomly saying "b-but ! i dont h-hate you guys 🥺". i knew that this whole "call-out post" would be bullshit, but thats just low. really, really low. i figured that you and your little friends (or should i refer to yall as a cult too ? since we're going in the extremes :)) were mostly just here to insult people and play the victims, but i didnt think it would be that bad. i wont say much about whats in the document because i think its randoms place to do so, since its basically just a long ass diss to her, but i still wanted to write a short response. am i allowed to though ? i mean, as a teen (even if im 18 in a few months, ive been called underage in your document so ill go with that) i can draw and read explicit content to explore my sexuality 🥺🥺 but i cant think for myself right ? :/ thats too bad. i cant agree with my friends because that would also mean that im a yes-man and that im being manipulated or wtv helps you sleep at night lol

this is just to respond to the little part that has been directly adressed to me: if my answers are short when the drama is brought up its because...i actually dont give that much of a fuck about the drama itself. do i think that you guys are gross for writing and drawing porn of children and animals ? yes, i do. would i care if you just stayed in your own server to share that shit to your "safe place" ? absolutely not. you do you. that is none of my problems if you dont bring it up in a space you share with KIDS. thats the whole problem with you. you posted your disgusting content in websites where kids will obviously find. as an adult, you must be really naive to think that they will just read your warning and think: oh yeah !! ill just move on to a new fic :3 !!

they are kids. this is a kid show. obviously, you are sharing your fandom with kids, and you have to be careful about that. that is your responsibility, whether you like it or not. you cannot except to be appreciated and respected when you write porn about kids, in a fandom full of kids. if you genuinely, truly believe that everyone should accept you for that...then man, theres nothing i can do for you. but you know, you could share your things since you cherish them so much in patreon or in your discord server if its too explicit, but ao3 ? wattpad ? the stm ? those are FILLED with young teens. i can't believe you're whining about having to respect rules to coexist in a fandom of a show about kids with kids...wild

again, this is my OPINION. i cannot force you to not like...well, the things that you like... but i can definitely call you out if you're sharing that to kids, even if its indirectly and that you put warnings or whatever. you need to be cautious about the members of the fandom. if you're unhappy about this, then leave the space that isnt for you.

as i said, this happens in many fandoms filled with minors: bunch of adults are weird. they're being called out for being weird. they cry about it and create a group. they call people who call them weird, weird. its really common. thats why the center of the drama isnt new or interesting to me. thats why i dont write essays whenever it is brought up in the main server, or when nsfw fics were posted there. creeps exist in EVERY FANDOMS. do i still think its good to call them out ? totally. but that explain why i:

1. didn't really say anything when jay were posting their fics. since they agreed with us on the topic of kaeloo fics with nsfw but still were posting them, i figured out that there was not point in arguing. i just ignored the weird parts of the stories or simply didnt read anything. i dont like conflicts, and had a lot going on (still do), so i didnt speak about it before. thats my bad though: even if jay wouldnt have cared because they have a different opinion than me about aging up characters apparently, i shouldve said something whenever i had the chance and not only when the subject of fics with porn was brought up, and i take full responsibility. but you must know that i do not support those type of works and never have said that i do. whenever we spoke about it, i made it very clear that it was gross and that i dont agree with it at all. to tlak about jay's fics again, i mostly was enthusiastic about all the parts where sex wasnt involved (about the ss of me talking about jays fic about pregnancy, i loved seeing how mr cat and kae would act as soon-to-be parents ! i think its cute !! do not mean that i agree with writing full scenes about how that child is made).

jay has great ideas, thats why i liked their work so much. i will never pretend that i hate EVERYTHING that they do. theyve wrote and drew great stuff, and just because i dont agree with them as a person doesnt mean that ill ignore that or the compliments that ive given to them. i admire a lot of their work and didnt lie about any nice things ive said to them. this is not all white or all black.

2. didnt write really big responses in the STM. this is a server about kaeloo. the drama isnt really brought up there, except when its important or at the start of it. with college, job, family issues and the start of adulthood soon, i do not have time to be on discord in the first place. either im here for a brief moment, or i can be active when everyone is asleep so they already said everything i had in mind and all i can say is "yes" to messages i agree with and "no" to messages i dont. you do not know me, and if you genuinely believe that this is all i think about what is happening, then you're just extremely stupid...obv i wont talk about everything i think in details in the STM, or rub it in your face.

the only reason why im involved is because you're harassing my friend and i do not want her to suffer alone. its as simple as that. i will always support my friends in public, and correct them in private if i think they did something wrong. is random perfect ? do i think that she does no wrong ? ofc not. i'll always tell her if i think that she's not doing something right, the only difference is that i'll tell her in private, not in a discord server. how do you except anyone to listen to you if you already don't respect them enough to confront them privately and privately only ?

i think ive spoken for my part and i will not speak for any other people involved in this ridiculous drama. i think this is all really a personal issue with random (and also khamil apparently) and i do not believe that it's my place to speak for any of them. as i think your friend said, which i think is true, im not relevant in this drama, and again im just really here to support random but also to express myself when i think that its a general matter.

so ill conclude this by saying that this is a really disappointing document. posting the insults that have been told to my friend, for no reasons other than hurting her, giving her a few really serious and uncalled for diagnosis, posting her vents from when she was a teen to make her feel vulnerable, posting hateful and ableist comments about her publicly, posting comments of people insulting vulnerable members who need to vent and more...that is so, so petty.

jay, i didnt know you for long and we weren't super close, but i still liked you a lot (/p ofc). i know you'd love to think that you're the victim and that we are all just shit talkers who hated you or whatever, but that is not the case. reading the messages of the drama after the drama has been shocking. reading your tumblr posts, reading what your friends said to my friend, reading your document, all of that have been so disappointing. not here to play violins and act dramatic btw, this is just a fact i wanted to share.

theres a lot of things unsaid, but i think that it's really random's place to speak about it, not me or anyone else. id like to respect her opinion in all of this, so ive only really spoken about what i generally think :] !! that being said, i wont post this seriously about whats going on anymore except if i need to, thats why im blocking a few people too. i want to enjoy my post without child porn being rubbed in my face. i really feel like all this other part of the fandom wants is attention, so i wont focus my whole tumblr on them lol, but calling them out is still important to me. i dont except them to change their ways since they look so sure of themselves, but anyone can dream, right ? sorry about how disorganised it is, or if my english is bad and also for my spelling mistakes lmao 🤸🤸 ty for reading this far though !! please check out random's response when it comes out !!

[desudog]

wait you HATED sweet pool omg. its my least fave out of the n+c releases ive read so far mainly for how flat the characters felt to me and how clumsy a lot of the plot felt but i rlly loved the aesthetic/general vibe it had so thats rlly interesting to me,if ur up for it id love to know what didnt click for u ^_^

when i judge how bad a VN is with my brother (avid VN reader as well) we use Sweet Pool as a basically "zero" on the scale of professional, large VNs.

Sweet Pool's writing was WEIRD. I can do some weird, thats fine. Weird ass-birth stillborn meatslugs? ... okay, ill... look past that. ok i wont lie, the constant ass-birth was hard for me. i really did try to not judge it on that but like, there was almost constant buttbirth going on. ive made peace with this by now, kinda making a link to myself about the connections of it to being an unintentional trans narrative in many ways and all but like. it was WEIRD. and kinda hard to read. it didnt strike me as horror, it struck me as "weird fetish i have to sit through. oh my god is he licking tha- PUT IT DOWN Z-DAWG. Ok christ."

The characters were also weird. I laughed out loud in surprise at how stupid the "i saved you from being raped <3 SO I CAN RAPE YOU, PSYCH!" scene was. like wtf was that??????

(I hope you werent planning on USING that butthole, mister!)

i did not enjoy the art style, i think its the ugliest N+C art style yet and since. not my thing. many angles and proportions look weird. the CGs looked stiff and uninspired. it NEVER grew on me. no shade to people who liked it or the artist it just.. wasnt my thing. not unbearable but just. not. as good as it could have been and def took away from the experience.

i didnt like any of the endings. it wasnt scary it was weird. the pacing was weird. for being a BL, it had very little love just... wtf. and im so sad abt what they did to mikoto bc i liked him before uuuUuUuUu yandere plot twwwwist. bleh.... dollar store keisuke! they would FORCE the true end so you maybe go, "maybe the true end is satisfying and good an-" no. its not. fuck yoU!

sweet pool was painful. i dont know how else to put my experience. i 100%d it because i 100% everything when i can, and i was literally pushing through like a hiker in a snow storm to finish it. every 3 seconds was secondhand embarrassment. the "jerking off in the classroom" scene comes to mind. i got up and took a break for that one because it was just unbearable. idk how anyone could slap one out to this vn. im not sure if anyone ever has. which makes the sex weird. actually, i dont think there was a single consensual ero scene unless u count the true end fusion scene.

(proof god does not love us)

the aesthetic/vibe was... ehhh... not super unique IMO. school setting immediately put me off, a more gritty and cool toned, dark palate made things interesting but, its still a "weird thing happens in high school" story. kinda bored to death of HS settings in VNs.

i did like the protag tho! he was interesting and it was nice having a chronically ill protag even if it was just a plot device to make him be able to miss school while going on a... dark apartment birth marathon.

sweet pool felt like a bizarre, amateur fanfiction for a fetish i dont have.

the soundtrack is very memorable as well as the opening pre-game sequence, i liked the concept of the choice button meanings, but they were very rough in actual use.

this is my favorite CG i appreciate the aquarium set up instead of a fish bowl (though he could do better...)

(shame about them turning into meat popcorn tho...)

i liked the iguana lol

i didnt care about these guys so much i dont even remember their names most of the time. except zenya. i liked him cus hes so cute and batshit crazy and has intersex swag.

(does this shade match my festering flesheye?)

all in all?

i give sweet pool a 2/10 butt babies.

--------- CONS:

no shortage of buttbirth stuff

seems to have lost the "love" in "BL".

some characters arent even original... FROM THEIR OWN STUDIO.

boring, hard to follow story

character focus on a character who has no personality. this guy is the gijinka of the hair that gathers at the drain of your shower.

designs that just are not very memorable or unique, without the personality to work with

story has routes but none of them were thought much of, should have just been a kinetic

confusing choice buttons

WAY too many choices for a VN with 3 candidates. makes 100%ing a drag.

predictable story

----------

PROS:

no shortage of buttbirth stuff, i mean, if youre into that

a soundtrack that makes up for the lack of good ero because this OST FUCKS

still a better love story than twilight

-----------

note: i read it in offical ENG, so i was no doubt getting a lower quality version. i dont think the original text would have helped getting it more than a single grade higher.

[tadpolesonalgae]

ive seen the argument that rhys killed the winter court children thrown around so much but thank you for saying that bc i was starting to think i read it wrong. kallias only agrees to help the night court when it's made clear that rhys didnt kill the children and that amarantha had another mind reader. and they even become allies because kallias and viviane are at some celebration at the housw of wind later in the books right? if it had been rhys none of that would happen.

there are a lot of reasons you can not like rhysand he was always meant to be a morally grey character (imo sjm made him too nice actually) but im always confused when people keep using this reason because it might be the only one he was proven innocent

i loved the story dont get me wrong but reader in that is closer to hybern than to rhysand like the whole thing with the ic is that they all did terrible things but with a reason and she's just a bitch for a lack of a better word

i also felt both az and rhys were justified in how they treated her, i mean it was tough to read but she went way too far in how she was talking about elain, calling her all type of misogynistic names just because azriel and her are together so ofc azriel lost it on her (and not even that badly like he meant everything he said and none of those were lies) and then ofc the last straw for rhys was her threatening to dig up the archeron dad, that's a disgusting thing to do and rhys doesnt play about feyre. also if she has had this personality for centuries i can only imagine the list of shit the ic has against her

id love to read more of this story but i think it's pretty clear she's a villain, not even morally grey like the ic. i do love villain stories though so im excited lol

I mean, with the Winter Court situation, I’m pretty sure that’s what happened? 🫣 I don’t have the books on me at the moment so I can’t check but I agree it would be weird if Kalias and Viviane came over for the solstice with the death of a dozen children between them, so I’m inclined to believe Rhys wasn’t the one who committed that particular crime for Amarantha 🫠😭

And with Rhys being morally grey, I feel like it gets a little confusing because we don’t really get to see what he’s like as a character without Feyre? I feel like he probably took a bit of a (positive) turn now that he has his mate if that makes sense? Also the fact he isn’t under the pressure of maintaining a mask so thoroughly has probably contributed to who he’s become? I’d really like to get a scene though where the morally grey part bleeds through, perhaps if someone’s threatened in a future book? 👀

Either way, he’s a fictional character (to many’s upset 😔) so I suppose his personal ethics aren’t a particular point of contention when held against some problems occurring in our world 😕

‘i loved the story dont get me wrong but reader in that is closer to hybern than to rhysand’

You do not have to worry about a thing, she is fully intended to be easily and actively dislikable though I don’t think it’s an issue if some people take her side since this is a work of fiction 🧡💛

However, I am really interested in seeing what sides people take when it comes to what she does and her motivations, as well as what she holds dear and who she’s loyal to when it comes down to it! I’ll be curious if anyone will feel her actions might be more easily justifiable or at the very least understandable once more of her past is dug up? Whether people feel a bad deed is always a bad deed irrespective of circumstance, or whether the context and environment surrounding an action should be taken into consideration before passing judgement :)

‘calling her all type of misogynistic names just because azriel and her are together so ofc azriel lost it on her’

To be perfectly honest with you, I really enjoyed getting to write the parts because of how inappropriate they were given the situation 🤦😭 Her trying to convince Az to be with her and then insulting the person he claims to be in love with 🫣

‘and then ofc the last straw for rhys was her threatening to dig up the archeron dad, that's a disgusting thing to do and rhys doesnt play about feyre.’

I mean, not only is she a prominent figure in society, but she also has some pretty intense power readily disposable, and she doesn’t really act like she’s responsible enough to handle it (but we’ll inevitably examine those parts, too, because it would be weird if she just came into all that power without any sort of accountability or understanding of death and life, right? 👀)

‘id love to read more of this story but i think it's pretty clear she's a villain, not even morally grey like the ic. i do love villain stories though so im excited lol’

Honestly I’m still figuring out what’s going to happen in the end? She’s going to get with Az, but I’m indecisive on whether it’ll be a clean ending or not? I feel like if it is going to be like that, there’s a line that she won’t be able to cross, whereas it might be quite interesting to see how people try to reconcile her actions while still keeping in line with their own morals?

Also witnessing through her actions what sort of person she’s become and what situations have led up to that (and whether there are other people partially responsible for the things that have happened)

Either way, I think it’ll be exciting to figure these things out! There’s still so much of the story yet to be decided on, so it’s going to take some time for a next part to come together! And thank you so much for writing in!! I absolutely adore getting to read thoughts like this, it makes me so happy to know you’re invested to this level 🧡💛

[lesbianmarrow]

Hi! I saw on an ask you sent someone that you're currently reading Fraction's run on IIM, and enjoying the treatment of female characters. Thought you should probably know (as in, a trigger warning) that, during the 'World's Most Wanted' arc, Pepper and Tony have sex in a very dubcon (at best) way. It's probably not meant to be read as such, but it's hard not to. Tony barely remembers who he is and Pepper explicitly mentions enjoying how vulnerable he was. They then use this as a basis for a love triangle between Pepper, Tony, and Maria Hill. It's a gross situation and everyone felt wildly out of character, it became pretty infamous in Iron Man circles (even movie ones, as people used it to bash Pepper). I'm actually quite surprised it's apparently not well known thought other parts of the fandom, sorry to be the bearer of bad news. :/

oh i actually just read that storyline today! though i appreciate the warning. i actually didn't interpret it as a situation where tony was unable to give consent, although i can see how one might read it that way. to me it just seemed like pepper and tony both feeling very stressed and hopeless and taking comfort in each other while they can. i didn't get the sense that pepper had violated tony in any way, and i don't think fraction intends for it to read as such. i'm actually a bit wary of the idea that tony's memory loss here means that he is unable to consent - it seems potentially ableist to me. like, if an adult has brain damage and memory issues, does that necessarily mean they can't consent to sex? ever? that doesn't seem right to me. tony in this moment seems aware enough of his identity and his relationship to pepper that i feel okay about him and pepper choosing to have sex here.

your love triangle comment is also interesting to me because that's definitely not how i would have phrased the situation between tony & pepper & maria, although it is technically accurate (though i should note i only read up to issue 19 and may or may not read further). i think fraction does a great job making maria and pepper feel like their own characters with hopes and fears and internal conflicts completely separate from tony. it never feels like theyre just there to be his love interests. and the focus is never on "oooh which one of them will tony choose? which one of them will he sleep with?" it's much more that they are the two women tony trusts and respects most, and yes he has an attraction with both of them, but that's extremely off to the side and not the point right now, they have a billion other things to worry about that are more urgent. like, the extent to which those romantic relationships are not the point right now kind of is the point. maria does say rude and disrespectful things to pepper but i didnt find that to be out of character or misogynistic writing, i think it's just that she was having a really really bad day and she felt embarrassed to have to be rescued by pepper. i'm generally not a fan of "male character has 2 women who are in love with him at the same time! and they don't get along!" stories but i think fraction cares enough about the interiority of these women that it works, at least for me.

i havent read much iron man so i can't say if tony or pepper are out of character but i definitely thought maria was in character. up until this point she's largely been written by bendis and i thought fraction got into her head in a really excellent way that made her into a more fully realized character. i loved all the stuff with her and black widow. and i guess i just have a weakness for a female character who is so loyal and determined to accomplish her mission but she is just having the worst time and getting her ass kicked physically and emotionally. and i should add, what i read of pepper in this series made me really like her as well! i'd potentially be interested in reading more comics she plays a significant role in. she's wonderful.

anyway lol i hope you dont mind the long response, i just thought you brought up some intriguing points and i appreciated the opportunity to lay down some thoughts on these comics that i read today!

[noangeleither]

"About the Blogger" Meme

Thanks for tag @bioloyg <3

Star Sign(s): Scorpio Sun (I literally never remember my other ones, I should probably memorize them)

Favorite Holidays: Christmas and Halloween. even tho i find it harder to feel the holiday spirit up until the very last minute i love christmas so much. and not even to be corny but its true that when you grow up you start to care less about the presents and more about the memories with family and friends.

i grew up in a religous family so my parents didnt let me celebrate halloween but i still love it with my whole heart. im a november baby so i love fall and all things eerie and spooky.

Last Meal: McDonalad's snack wrap and one of those new fruit splash drinks. its exam season so ofc im eating like shit. will probably eat some ice cream when i get home after my physiology exam in 30 minutes. so yay to junk food

Current Favorite Musician: currently ive been really enjoying pinkpantheress. her new album is literally 10/10. she has such a knack for melodies, and her lyrics are very eerie and poetic while maintaining a cutesy 2000s vibe. shes also a sampling queen.

honoarble mentions: ive been listening to a lot of janet, rosalia and red velvet these days too.

Last Music Listened To: feedback by janet Jackson. bro istg you have to clear the area when this comes on, i cant help but dance

Last Movie Watched: last movie i watched was bride wars. honestly a classic movie, so funny and i love wedding movies so i reccomend it. that was a month ago tho, which is crazy.

Last TV Show Watched: like the wonderful person who tagged me i watched the bear last. i just rewatched s02e01. ive been doing this thing where i'll either rewatch episodes for research, boredom or just because i get sucked in rewatching a specific clip that makes me want to rewatch the whole episode.

Last Book/Fic Finished: last fic i finished was keeping up with the berzattos by chefskiss40 on ao3. ive reread it like 3 or 4 times now and im patiently waiting for an update. its just so good, i love the domestic vibes. im not a fan of seeing my ships start families in canon but in fic? oh i could read that forever

Last Book/Fic Abandoned: not really abandoned but sorta modified? the sydcarmy high school au i started in the summer was a good concept but i didnt really have a concrete idea where the overall story would go. BUT im planning on maybe doing a series which is just a collection of one shots of them in HS? OR i plan on doing a multi-chapter shorter story that is an AU that also takes place in a high school setting but with a twist that i dont want to reveal bc that would mean i would have to commit to it. lol

Currently Reading: nothing. unless you count all these articles/research papers I've been reading for my health research studies course (think i aced the exam yesterday so maybe all the pain was worth it)

Last Thing Researched for Art/Writing/Hyperfixation: doesnt really count as research but basically i was on pinterest creating boards for 3 different fics. was researching wedding dresses for a nat & syd fic where they go wedding dress shopping (will be finishing after my last exam). also just creating two other boards to inspire myself to start the au i teased above and my bones and all AU/retelling i talked about last month. i want to watch some more cannibalism media and maybe research about 80s pop culture and politics before i dive into that one fully.

Favorite Online Fandom Memory: ummmm probably just being a menace on twitter with my friends that i made through being a reveluv. we talk every single day, and they are some of the best people i know. maybe the times we used to get up early or stay up late for comeback season, watch the kcharts being updated hourly and crack jokes about group we liked and didnt like

Favorite Old Fandom You Wish Would Drag You Back In/Have A Resurgence: technically THG is having a resurgence right now but im way too into the bear to really get back into it and also i havent seen the new movie. im excited to once exam season is done but i feel like the hype is already dying so i dont see myself getting too into it.

Favorite Thing You Enjoy That Never Had an Active or Big "Fandom" but You Wish It Did: uhhhh cant think of one tbh.

Tempting Project You're Trying to Rein In/Don't Have Time For: honestly every sydcarmy fic idea i have that would take multi chapters to flesh out. one shots are very safe for me. but im praying i'll commit to it. esp the bones and all AU lol

this was fun

tagging some ppl to do this too, only if you want!

@amieraisposting @chefkids @sennenrose @sydneys-adamu @sydneyscarm @happylikeasadsong @chansoooo1-blog

[isabelguerra]

okok happy birthday I really want to know more wizard au stuff but I cannot find your fics pls a link would be much appreciated

also this is just like a free space to talk abt your au literally whatever you've been wanting an excuse for this anon is 4 you happy birthday my friend !!! we're not mutuals but you're like one of two regular pnat people on tumblr which is a bond I Think

THANK YOUUU FOR THE BIRTHDAY WISHES!!!! 💕💕 If it makes you feel better I’m not mutuals with ANYONE. This is a sideblog. Regardless it’s nice to have you here, I’m glad to be one of your few pnat blogs. :)

AND WELL LOL that would be because most of wizard au currently isn’t published! the best place to know more stuff about the au is either in my #wizard au tag, or just asking me! i love to talk about it, and right now it’s a lot easier for me to answer asks in my spare moments. i occasionally post screenshots from my doc files on here, but the fics are taking a backseat while I work on my Job Project.

Alternatively, you can check out:

The Pnat At Wizard School AU I Made When I Was 16 Is Still Fun Unfortunately JKR DNI - This was my first attempt at publishing the writing I’d done, before I got embarrassed and orphaned it, back in 2020. It’s a little outdated but most of it holds up. Boggart fic is one of my favorites.

Pnat Hogwarts AU by Twilighteve. I made wizard AU way back in 2015 with a friend, and twilighteve wrote SEVEN FICS as fanwork. The story now is different and follows Isabel rather than Max, but these are still great fics and I’m very lucky to have had someone enjoy my au enough to write so much for them. Throughout the Tournament is a really fun read.

i cant believe i’ve had this story for like 8 years at this point. i think it’s almost more fun to have as an au on my blog than an actual fic series? looking back whenever i start thinking about The Fics i just get stressed out. i’ve had it as an au since 2015 and i’ve had writing wips since 2018. its nice to have something with me for that long, i think thats why i keep coming back to it? even though thinking about it in terms of Fic Output and Writing Order makes me so stressed. at the end of the day it’s mine. and it’s there for be an outlet for me. if i want to be lazy about it, i can. if i want to put a lot of hard work into it, i can. i get to cozy up before bed and imagine wizjo scenarios.

and seeing how the characters have developed over the years has been weird- like, i wrote a lot of this in 2015. what do you MEAN codys a vampire. what do you MEAN theres whole new areas of the paranormal. its funny but when put next to current pnat you can REALLY see how its dated lol. so much is built on top of the 2015-2016 era headcanons like cody & lisa being twins, or not knowing what the spirit in isabels umbrella was like. we didnt know flipflop yet!!!! hes just not in there!!!!! we didnt know what the BERG was so max isnt a catboy!!! davy doesnt exist!!!!!!!

and there are in-comic background characters that we would talk about and gave names who show up in the au. these two are chasers on the gryffindor quidditch team with isabel & johnny:

& we named them sarah and logan. that might canonically be their names too????? but i cant remember.

Here are some very practical Wizard AU facts:

Story spans from 2nd year when Isabel loses Eightfold to 7th(?) year when they graduate

The biggest reason so much isn’t on AO3 is because theres so much I have no idea how to organize it. For example:

At my current pace, I have ~5 fics based on central emotional beats. In order to keep things interesting for non-izjo readers, I tried adding a little overarching plot

Said plot now vastly overshadows the initial series purpose of a Dorky 6 Year Long Izjo Slowburn

‘Wait I don’t care about this i just want my dorky 6 year long izjo slowburn. but wait, this has lived in my head since 2015, is it even legible to anyone who would just be coming into it?’

~5 central plot fics, each with around 5 chapters at maybe 10k per chapter give or take. is roughly 250k total. even if i do publish this it’s going to take years

What else is there…………. Isabel is really good at offensive magic. She becomes quidditch team captain in their 5th year. Max hates flying on brooms.

Wizjos arc means so much to me.

Their friendship vaguely starts in 2nd year. theyre the quidditch beaters but work horribly together- they argue a lot and dont get along at all, it almost gets them kicked off the team. theyre forced into a situation that pairs them to work together sometime mid semester, and at the end of it they’re still… tense, but have a better understanding of each other? like ‘you annoy me but we had a moment that i would feel bad betraying. i think were more similar than i thought and i dont know how to feel about it yet’. Johnny develops his crush and it’s very strangled because he’s 12.

By 3rd year they’re more cooperative. Getting towards friendly. Theyre teammates AND housemates, so even though theyre in separate friend groups they spend a lot of time together. Still bickering but there’s slowly more and more fun behind it. Less ‘i’ll shove you off your broom’ and more ‘hey maybe if we do x we can shove x off their broom together’. Isabel begins having fun hanging out with johnny because he bites back. It’s stopped being annoying and become ‘oh hes just as conscious (whether he knows it or not) about his image as i am. it’s nice to put that down around someone. and also blast him with wizard lasers sometimes. and get blasted by wizard lasers.’

By 4th year they’re friends and Johnny’s still sitting with his feelings. It’s just a part of daily life. Wake up. Brush teeth. Shut Up Guerra (Hey Guerra). Lunch. Pick on a 2nd year. Meet up with Guerra before practice. Tell that one joke cause it always makes her laugh. Don’t make it obvious how you feel. Don’t let it slip how you feel. Don’t jeopardize this. Don’t do anything that’d make her feel weird. You’re her friend and he likes being her friend so it’s not a big deal. Isabel has slowly been getting more pressure from her grandpa, and every time shes stressed and cant go to her AC friends she goes to Johnny. So by 4th year they’re more or less best friends.

By 5th year they’re a capital T Team. Isabel’s gryffindor captain now and Johnny’s essentially her right hand. He’s there to hold new member tryouts with her, they study in the commonroom late at night, hes so gleeful about her uppity new position that he permanently cements calling her Captain into their teasing nicknames and Isabel hates it. In return Isabel makes him do extra laps, because she can do that now. And then Johnny gets in a non-serious accident and is in the infirmary for a week and suddenly Isabel is confronted with Oh. Oh I Don’t Like This. Oh This Is Bad. He’s fine he just gets like a concussion or something but Isabel doesn’t KNOW that right away and all of a sudden she’s faced with ‘i didnt realize how much of my life you’ve become and i miss you now that youre not there’ ‘…….why do i miss you now that youre not there.’ ‘we have a quidditch match coming up and i dont know if youll be healthy enough to play’ ‘i dont care about the game. id cancel in an instant if it means you wont have to play injured’ ‘………………why did i-’ etc. And afterwards Johnnys FINE but isabel is left with this weird hole in her gut and the reality that In That Situation That Was My Reaction And Those Were My Feelings. She’s confronted with the fact that somewhere along the line, Johnny became someone important to her. And that him getting hurt worried her. Because she cares about his wellbeing. Because she likes spending time with him. Because he’s her quidditch partner. Because she doesn’t think she could see herself playing with anyone else. Because she doesn’t think she’d want to play with anyone else. And then shes in trouble.

By 6th year is when things start kicking into gear. For starters the Triwizard Tournament because I can’t do a wizard au without some wizard deathsports. None of it is directly involved, that’s actually MAX’S B-plot, but a lot of what goes on because of it directly influences the wizjo A-plot.

Now we’re dealing with Johnnys time-tempered feelings that he’s accepted nothing would happen with but are still very alive, and ISABEL, who has JUST realized and has been stewing in her feelings all summer. With no outlet or real processing. Cant even go to johnny about it because well he Is johnny. He’s johnny and he gets under her skin and helps her with her transmutation homework and when she blasts him in dueling class he gets back up with a bigger grin than when she knocked him down. And she’s going to explode, she thinks.

And I’ve talked about this but when Headmaster Boss Leader (lmfao) says the forest is off limits during the tournament, of course they bet who can sneak out and last longer. And of course both friend groups scatter and get lost in the woods and of course who finds each other but. each other. and of course theyre both angry and worried about their friends and on guard bc theyre in the fucking forbidden forest at like 1am. Isabels ashamed that she didnt think more and johnnys grumpy and theyre so so blaming it on each other. Don’t deal with your feelings when you can express them through what you both know best: bickering and riling each other up to get the energy out. Isabels doing all this while trying Not to think about her crush. Johnnys long accepted his crush and that it’s not going to happen. So they are both very very surprised when Isabel kisses him mid argument, much to her horror. She apologizes and they get back to looking for their friends, who find them first. Later that night Isabel decides to apologize properly, because in her mind she let her emotions get out of control and seriously took advantage of him and she feels horrible about it. He’s someone she cares about, even though he probably doesn’t feel the same way, and it was wrong (She’s beating herself up and saying see? heres what happens if you let yourself have nice things. youd be lucky if he even speaks to you after what you did. you cant do this again.). Johnny however hears ‘that meant nothing to me i’m embarrassed and dont read into it’. Which is. Fine. He knew that. He’s known that. Hes big and scary and doesn’t let something like rejection get to him. Especially cause it wasn’t even rejection because she was never interested in the first place! Which he knows! So it doesn’t matter! And he can handle it really well! Yeah sure thing Guerra no big deal why’d she ever WANT to kiss him right theyre not like that! See her at practice ! they both walk away like Glad that was cleared up! [screaming]

This keeps happening. 6th year is when everything thats been boiling starts bubbling over.

isabel kisses johnny and everything gets wobbly. they’re trying to focus on their studies, and quidditch, and maintain that comfortable friendship theyve had since 3rd year, and not think about how nice it would be to try it just one more time. everyone, including the guest students from other schools that are here for the tournament, can see that theyve got something going on, even if they cant. johnny makes an excuse to drape his legs over isabels lap. isabel finds an excuse to grab johnnys wrist, or nudge him on the shoulder. they’re trying to deal with how things used to be and how they are now and how they want them to be and how they feel.

they ALMOST kiss again during wizard prom, which they don’t attend together. but they dont.

and then they have exams in spring. and isabels sooooo confident that she’ll knock out that stupid dog boggart just like she did third year. so she’s pretty shaken up when her grandpa shows up instead and says hes pulling her out of school early. shes too much trouble and hes through putting up with this time-wasting education, its time for her to quit being an embarrassment to him and finish learning the family magic. theres a lot more insults thrown in but thats the jist. and she goes running to the commonroom because not only did all that happen and she’s freaking out, but it happened and she freaked out in front of the entire class. and johnny goes after her because hes worried like crazy and they have a moment and he goes a bit overboard on the whole ‘if thats what your real grandpas like then i dont care who he is hes a jackass. cant he see what an annoyingly massive brain youve got on your shoulders or how youre cracked at strategy or’ and he does that for like 10 minutes while gently rubbing her back and isabel is having another crisis on top of her grandpa crisis. because what she tried so hard to kill is still very much alive. and hes being weirdly soft and comforting and she feels better with him here and its a lot to deal with. And she feels horrible and guilty and she doesn’t want him to stop.

Johnny is trying desperately to break tension and make sure she knows its bullshit. She’s HIS friend! Nobody talks like that about one of HIS friends and gets away with it! Even if it was a creature disguised as her grandpa and not actually her grandpa! SHE deserves to know that it’s not true and HES not gonna stand by it! But shes resisting and hes frustrated and there’s got to be SOMETHING thatll get through her head there’s got to be SOMETHING he can do to show her what he thinks but shes being DIFFICULT and hes BAD AT WORDSTHINKING and- oh okay thats a kiss. To get through her big smart wonderful dense skull. And it’s very soft and very determined to say ‘you’re wonderful. this is how wonderful i think you are. you dont need me to tell you it but please listen please please please if you need to hear it from someone else ill tell you. i dont really know how to in the way you deserve but youre worth learning’. All in front of the couch they spent hours on studying and planning matches on and napping and its warm and isabel is. well. Isabel Is In Trouble.

And then oh. Well. Um. Hello Maxwell. Who Came To Check On Us Because We Were Taking So Long .

frankly i’m still not sure how they sort that one out. johnny awkwardly excuses himself. and sometime before the school year ends they Actually Talk About It

By 7th year theyre together and very happy and very much the school menaces. Turns out avoiding your feelings gets you nowhere when instead you could face them and put your head together and cause all your separate rabblerousery with each other. And also hold hands with your best friend who you meet for breakfast and fall asleep on and spar against and get excited over the upcoming quidditch season with and kiss and sneak out to the astronomy tower with a blanket. isabel doesn’t want to take over franciscos legacy and johnnys like ‘i mean youve been pretty busy buildin your own, cap’. and she thinks. yeah. but itd be um. kind of empty with just me, dont you think?

Because she likes spending time with him. Because he’s her quidditch partner. Because she doesn’t think she could see herself playing with anyone else. Because she doesn’t think she could see herself wanting to play with anyone else. And then shes in trouble. Because neither does he.

[away-ward]

To the anon who posted "one thing i hate about will was his manwhore tendencies/lowkey maybe “flirty” personality.", i agree with you 100%. Even worse when i remember that will said that he could easily "sink into alex" implying that he can have alex and alex have him, just like how rika could easily have kai if em and banks were not around. There's no "exclusivity" for their romance as if intimacy with others were so easy, so it does cheapen their feelings for their partners, and it can be seen like "so mich talk, but no actions". This was my main gripe with will too, because if he had the time to fuck around with other women, he had the time to email or call emmy and asked if she was homeless or dying, alright.

That's why i said, no MMCs in this book is possessive, not even damon, they all aint shit. The romantic parts were not giving, the bias were so obvious it ruin the fun of "a story with variety of couples" type of series, the men were scums from hell, even worse than mafia romances (and mafia romances had better arc, can you imagine that?! Even these mafia guys practice loyalty and monogamy wtf?!). Like if you guys want great dark romance, better not expect it from PD srsly, because if there's one constant thing i noticed that pd loves to use in their storytelling is to romanticise (?) something ugly, then abandon that ship and expect the reader to lap every second of it. They always wanna write something that goes beyond ugly (whoch is fine, many other authors like k. Webster and other do it too), but PD'S wrap up of their stories were always just pure shit. It's even disappointing because pd's idea was usually fun to read but man, the execution was just so 🗑️☠️

If there is one thing pd was really bad at, it's the middle and redemption arc, that's why whichever character that gets the shorter end of the stick in any of their books will always just have to stow in their hurt feelings without any further just ending for them. It happens in DN for banks and emory, it happens in Fall Away, it happens in credence noah and jake, in tryst six venom too, and at this point, only birthday girl and maybe hellbent were free from this, only because they dont have much "bully" elements to their stories. Even if there were some rough scenes in hellbent, the romance was still sweet, hot, monogamous and everything great you'd expect from the romance genre, but with a sprinkle of hot spice in it.

IMO, i didnt have much thoughts or feelings when will complimented banks, because he's literally like that with everyone, but when you guys discussed about it, he really was a bit too flirty with these women, huh? 🤣 now he made me pissed off to, and this just adds more to my will grayson's ick list, LOL! Becaus that mad sense, if we cant get angry at michael for looking at banks and kai at rika, why cant we with will?

Hey, I hope the Anon sees your message. And I also hope you don’t mind me popping in with some thoughts!

But you can ignore them too. I'll post if Anon replies.

Even worse when i remember that will said that he could easily "sink into alex" implying that he can have alex and alex have him

So I actually found this line interesting, because it can have two meanings, depending on how deep you want to look at it. One, is the obvious. He means penetration.

But the second is like drowning. Like how he used Alex, along with drugs and booze to, drown out his pain. It would be so easy to just try to love Alex and to sink into her because she doesn’t fight him; she numbs his pain. But at this point, he's come so far that he doesn’t want to be numb anymore. He’d rather fight with Emory than forget with Alex.

At least, that’s how I understood his thoughts in that scene.

because if he had the time to fuck around with other women, he had the time to email or call emmy and asked if she was homeless or dying, alright.

You’re not the first person to say this and, I hope you don’t mind, but it always struck me as a bit funny. Because if I was Will’s friend after he got out of prison and he told me he was going to try and contact Emory, I would have lost my mind.

Because, looking at the situation with only the information Will has, this is a girl who had repeatedly for three years told him ‘no’ and to ‘leave her alone’. Then, when he goes to prison for brutalizing her brother (who rightfully deserved it), she doesn’t reach out to him at all.

He's not sleeping with other women in prison. He’s not going anywhere. She knew exactly where he was every day and night.

I’d say with all of that, Emory had made it abundantly clear she didn’t want to be contacted by him.

So if he told me he was going to reach out “just to check on her” I would have tied him to a chair, and removed all access to the internet. No email. No calls. Hell, he doesn’t even get pen and paper. He can’t do smoke signals or morse code. Nothing.

It just seems to be that when a girl says no, we should respect that. So we can’t say we want Will to respect her but also ignore her when she says she doesn’t want him in her life. Because that’s what she told him. Repeatedly.

But also, it sort of does a disservice to Will to expect him to roll his heart out to her once again.

For three years, he begged, followed, and pleaded with her to see him. He goes to prison, and she still says nothing. Not even a thank you letter. Now, whether Em owned him any communication is up to the reader.

But even before then, Will was lost.

I propose Will didn’t just not like himself, but that he hated himself. He hated himself for wanting her so much. And he tries for years to root her out of his mind and heart. He tries to numb the pain with women and booze, because if the woman he wants doesn’t want him, what would be the point of acting like he’s in a committed relationship. Why mourn the loss of someone who was never his?

And I still think all of this is to cover up the fact that he hates himself. He’s trying to deaden the voice inside that says he’s worthless because Em didn’t see anything worth in him. He’s heartbroken and sick.

Now, if I were Will, and I had gone through all that and had tried to get this person out of my head and heart, only to see them once and realize they are still so deeply entrenched in every part of me? To realize that for years, all the stuff I’d done to try and kill off the love I felt for them, was useless because at the first sight of them I know without a doubt I’m still in love with this person who has made it very clear they want nothing to do with me?

I would feel so stupid. Just dumb. And broken.

But in NF, Will of course has a layer of anger to cover up his feelings. He wants to hurt Em for hurting him and it’s messy and wrong, but people often are.

All I’m saying is expecting Will to come out of prison wanting to get right back to where he left off in high school would be unfair to both of them.

but PD'S wrap up of their stories were always just pure shit. It's even disappointing because pd's idea was usually fun to read but man, the execution was just so 🗑️☠️

Unfortunately, I think this is the case. PD has great ideas, but somewhere along the line, at least for me, the story I’m interested in reading and the story they’re interested in telling diverge until I’m just confused as to how we ended up here.

because they dont have much "bully" elements to their stories

This is an interesting analysis. I wonder what it is about the “bully romance” trope that causes them to do this?

I know a lot of author get tripped up with arc enemies to lovers storyline because they don’t give enough time to let them come to respect each other before making them lovers? At least in my experience, it seems some authors try make the enemies part ‘oh they don’t really hate each other; it’s just hidden attraction’ but that’s not enemies to lovers!

Does PD do the same thing? Where they try to make it a bully romance but once the romance picks up, there’s no time to deal with all the previous bullying?

I don’t know. I’m just throwing things at the wall…

IMO, i didnt have much thoughts or feelings when will complimented banks, because he's literally like that with everyone, but when you guys discussed about it, he really was a bit too flirty with these women, huh?

I never minded Will be flirty with the women in the inner-circle, because I don’t think there was any real intent behind it, but I won’t waste an opportunity to bring up this clip so…

[cassyapper]

oooh how about these? ✨️ Out of the comments you’ve received on your fics, what are two or three of your favorites? 🥳 Why did you start writing fanfic? 🌻 How often do you read your own fics?

ask game

OHHH THESE ARE REALLY GOOD QUESTIONS...THANK U SO MUCH FOR SENDING THESE IN I APPRECIATE IT SO MUCH DUDE <333

✨️ Out of the comments you’ve received on your fics, what are two or three of your favorites?

AUGH THIS ONE IS REALLY FUCKING HARD ACTUALLY cause literally every single comment i've ever gotten means so fucking much to me. just shit man like. time and energy are the most valuable resources a human has. so the fact someone used time and energy to read my fic in the first place, and then used even MORE of that time and energy to discuss with me about it? for my own fic? like. that's jsut. it's so insanely validating and just. it truly means so fucking much to me. so because of this every comment i've ever gotten like, has always stuck in my head i cant really let any of them go. and it's very hard to pick a favorite

however, particularly the ones that are like... "i have chronic pain issues and i see myself in ur kakyoin" def mean a lot to me as jsut, a whole "genre" of comment. because like, his portrayal there is frankly FOR them to see themselves in so im glad im like, doing it well enough so far. i hope to continue to do this. also as an extension of this it means a lot when comments mention liking how i write kakyoin cuase like, i really do, uh, worry about how he's coming across 😭 i know my 4yoin is a LOT sharper than many others and i know it can be kinda alienating tbh so like. im really glad people like, give it a chance. and then even like it on top of that. AND JSUT. last one but comments that like, dissect how i've set up jotaro and kakyoin. and like how they've both made mistakes here but they're still able to fix it if they jsut try. i really like those hehe like YES....YES.... U GET IT U GET WHAT IM PUTTING DOWN it's jsut so fun. UM BUT YEAH

🥳 Why did you start writing fanfic?

IT'S ACTUALLY UH, NOT THAT FUN OF A STORY 😭 my mom was/maybe still is idk, a "fandom mom" type of person so she got me into fanfiction way too young and i started writing fic as a result to kinda, idk, bond with her cause she also wrote fic. it didnt really work because my mom was into smut and well, obviously i wasnt writing that as a 7 year old. it didn't help that in the fandom we were in together, i didn't like her main ship at all. but it did get me into writing! it's been something i've engaged with since then and i've always loved it even if yknow 😭😭😭 weird origins

🌻 How often do you read your own fics?

TO BE HONEST....A LOT LMAO but it's usually when im dozing off and jsut need something to occupy my mind enough so that my thoughts can slow down into unconsciousness. but i do also jsut, read my stuff sometimes cause it's for MEEE so. lol <3

THANK U SO MUCH FOR ASKING DUDE AHH <333

[wisehearts]

Hey! 3rd message from service mike anon :) you explained it very well re: mike. i understand now... like, he is still getting stimulation physically, he IS having sex, but it's will's pleasure that gets him over the finish line.

i think my main surprise with this is honestly more reflective of me than you or indeed mike lol: it's that I just can't imagine this ever being possible irl. and like you said, it shows my limited understanding of the different emotional states of sex. although perhaps you can admit too that, seeing as this is fanfiction, there might be a little bit of wish fulfilment happening there? i mean, if i found a guy who only wanted to service me in bed, i would be very very lucky indeed. although you did say it's not every time, just an aspect of mike's character, and ofc wish fulfilment isn't a bad thing in fanworks AT ALL, but this has made me realise what i like in my byler fic, so I can answer your question! :) you said this:

Kink has boundaries and pacing irl for a reason, so it's totally valid you feel overstimulated by the intensity in fiction! I'm curious what you deem exciting and absorbing since I do get how it can be hard to get that inbetween, but that inbetween is probably the goal for my own writing!

thanks for your interest! i am enjoying this convo very much.

so i have often felt a bit of an outsider in the spicy byler community, because i'm not a puritan, but i also don't feel i belong in the parts where kink is celebrated because it isn't what i enjoy in the context of byler. i'm also not queer, and many folk here are. i love it here because people are so friendly, but i feel like i'm not outsider enough, almost? its one of the reasons I became a fan of ST, tbh: it had that perfect balance between 'normal society' and 'total nerdism', neither of which i connected to. for me, it's right down the middle. it's a show for the not-jocks, but i'm not a nerd either (aside from being on byler tumblr lmao), so where do I fit in? why do i connect with this show and this pairing so deeply? for me ST is just cosy, full of 80s music i grew up listening to (even though i was born way later), a familiar suburban americana i always aspired to, and adorable characters that feel like theyre holding my hand through all this adventure. i would happily watch a show where the gang just live their lives, like a drama. that might not make sense to anyone but me, but the VIBES, you know? and this is kind of the same with my taste in byler fic.

our discussion has also inspired me to read a bit more about sex roles and kink to understand it, though. i hope you'll bear with me for a long post haha!

i've seen articles that explain kink, but they're often biased for. i've also seen articles slamming it harshly - biased against. i've known people irl who love it, and those who fear it. but rarely anyone who is just 'meh' on the subject. there's not much impartial info to be found ANYWHERE on kink.

i found one article by a female journalist who described attending two orgy experiences, one in a residential suburb full of people who weren't 'conventionally attractive', and the second where only approved guests were allowed, with beauty as one of the criteria. she didnt enjoy either in the end, because she said that a huge part of sex is intimacy, and that wasn't possible when she literally didnt know who she was fucking haha. (she was also british and i think in general, british people are prudish about any sex). but it reminded me of that scene in Always Sunny where they go to an orgy and it's loads of 'ugly' people - the fantasy of Eyes Wide Shut remains a fantasy. Most conventionally beautiful people aren't having orgies, they're having vanilla sex. Why?

First, obviously beauty is subjective, but the concept of conventional beauty regarding kink and outsiderdom is fascinating. i saw one take suggesting why so many people who explore (or, importantly, openly explore) kink, bdsm, bondage etc., appear to be part of other subcultures (alternative lifestyle values, dyed hair, piercings, wearing bondage in public, etc) - that much of it has to do with those pesky conventional beauty standards. one person said that 'people who are considered ugly' by society find other sources of sexual gratification because they are unsuccessful in the regular spaces (e.g. bars, clubs, dating apps, even workplaces), and so kink might be something that draws certain kinds of people who consider themselves outsiders to explore less mainstream sexual practices and find acceptance. Conventionally beautiful people don't need to try anything risque or new to attract a partner, because they are already hot, and that'll do it for most people lol.

Kink isn't always about finding someone, though, is it? I think acceptance is a big part of it, feeling safe in our tastes. And what about byler, exploring aspects of their own character in a safe environment, as you do in your headcanons? I can totally see how this idea of conventional beauty and outsiderness screams byler to so many people! i've yet to read a dnd roleplay smutfic, but many people have mentioned the concept and i think it would be so fun and so them. but, as i said above, I don't relate to the boys because they're nerds, or because I'm queer. so there must be something else in their romance that i find compelling, right?

when i think back on the friends i've known who explore kink AND tell me about it/encourage me to try it, they have all been what society would consider outsiders: they have been exploring alternative lifestyles including polyamory, been part of a subculture with self expression including tattoos, piercings and edgy hairstyles and clothing, or considered themselves to be unattractive. i found this fascinating, because im sure plenty of my vanilla-seeming friends have dabbled in kink behind closed doors as well. but the key here seems to be people who talk about it, show it, or make it a part of their personality and identity (or at worst, push it on me and make me feel boring or vanilla for being happy with 'regular' intimacy and sex).

so i suppose in terms of mike and will, these past experiences of mine bled into my fanfiction preferences. i went to art school - i've been around people who make me feel boring and vanilla, and i've come back home and been around people who say i'm the wackiest person they know simply because i'm an artist. i wouldn't say i have 'kinks', but i dont even really know what that means, because something i find hot and that comes naturally might be alien to someone else. likewise, things like bondage - which to me are very contrived - may come naturally to someone else.

but in the research i did, i found something interesting about how bdsm and bondage is often lauded as being freeing, while it may have other undertones:

at first blush, BDSM is kinky and unconventional... but really all its rules and protocols and skin covered in latex or leather suggests a certain conservativism, they don't want to feel too much or allow pure animal libido to take hold, but rather establish certain boundaries and then paint by numbers

im sure many people who enjoy bdsm would consider this harsh, misguided, or even offensive. i think of the friends who have made me feel like i 'should' be trying it: they were people who were doing it as a form of escapism from deep pain they were in. i think every human has some kind of trauma and we all need escapism, but as someone who really believes in the power of psychotherapy and good old fashioned intimacy and love, i noticed that lots of these friends of mine were trying to avoid dealing with their issues and instead finding a numbness not only in kinky sex, but in telling people that they were having kinky sex. it stopped being about the sex and started being about telling people 'hey, i'm having sex and it's kinky af!'

I realised that these were people who did not make me feel good. i try not to have anything against the overall concept of kink as a result, but as someone who has spent a good portion of my life trying something just because i was scared of the person I would become if i didn't try it - scared of being a bit vanilla, a bit boring, scared of being my true self (which i actually no longer consider boring hehe) - I am always a bit wary of people's reasons for openly having kink as part of their identity, rather than kept as something special just for them and their intimate partner.

so i think i carry these apprehensions when i see byler that includes kink. not all: i love a good scratch detail, of which there are sadly little. but is that even a kink? to me, its a natural part of my sexual expression, but some may consider it a kink.

you asked what I consider absorbing and exciting in spicy byler fic. I think its a reflection of how and why i came to the byler fandom in the first place: to celebrate the show, and to find content that seemed as similar to canon as possible to tide me over until s5. basically, i was completely uninformed on what fandom is. i expected fics to just be attempts to make as close to original source material as possible, so we actually think we are watching the show. ofc for many, things like the kink we are describing, or mike being a service top etc, ARE realistic, but honestly i only expected to see people talking about things that we might actually get to see on screen/in the timeline haha. call me naive!

as an artist and writer, my creative outlets via byler have mainly been about analysing and understanding. i have written some byler smut - mad machine gun heartbeat - and it was very new and experimental to write. people may not think its realistic or absorbing, even though that was my intention, but i don't mind. i also dont think we would actually see that scene in ST, but i think it is a scene that could be possible off screen or in between a time jump, and it's this possibility of it being 'real' in the show that excites and absorbs me. so it's not just about what's in character for mike and will overall, but what is likely for the show itself. i also theorise a lot about lover's lake because I truly do think a scene could happen there. and that's so exciting for me.

this might seem boring to people who get creative with things like AUs or bunwill (i had never encountered anything like this, but he's adorable!), but honestly, the show itself is enough for me! i'm sure that once s5 is here and the story is over, i won't feel the need to engage in fandom in order to enjoy the story anymore. i wrote my smutfic because i needed to get it out of my head, and i wanted to see if mike and will could feel real in a sexual context. i also wanted to see if i could write sex, because i don't think it's easy to do well at all. i have written one other fanfic before, which wasn't smut but did include sex, as did the original novel it was based on. so for me, fanworks and fic i most enjoy are very very canon compliant and artistically-oriented, rather than an expression of personal fantasies or wish fulfillments. i want to momentarily forget that i am not watching the real show lol - the show is what i fell in love with after all, why would i not want more of it?

it's for this reason that I am often bemused by people who project on to mike or will (for example in the bi-gay mike debate), because to me, as a fan, I do not matter a jot. The story exists with or without me, and I simply get to enjoy it. In my time here, since 2022, I've learned that a lot of fandom involves a sort of internalisation of fictional characters, where any attack becomes a personal attack on the fan's own identity. and it's just not the case, because you are not the fictional character. in all honestly, i find it disrespectful to the source material or characters to conflate yourself with them, except if you're drawing from personal experience to enrich your work.

tldr; it's the possibility of a byler scenario being 'real' in the show that excites and absorbs me. so it's not just about what's in character for mike and will overall, but what is likely for the show itself/in the show's timeline, because i want to absorb content that tricks me into thinking i am actually watching the show.

i hope i didnt offend at all with this post! i love your generosity and patience. thank you.

hey! Glad I could make it understandable for you. just saying now I probably won't address everything in the ask to a T below but it's still cool to see you look into things!

I would say no, it's not exactly wish fulfilment. I noticed you said you weren't queer, so not to make an assumption but I believe that may play a part in your surprise that service top and other roles a thing, as you said you think it's not possible irl which is kinda just false 😅 it's quite prevalent in queer spaces, I think heterosexual norms are quite different. it makes sense to me someone can't see it possible for straight men, I can understand it being rare there. there are a LOT of gay/queer men who like being a service top, and even more so lesbians/queer women (a wlw service top loves a pillow princess, if you know that term!). I also began enjoying exploring mike this way before I had the name to give it, I realized the definition made sense and that was the reason I gave it a label, otherwise to me it was just mike wheeler haha! for eg. I don't even have a label for will, I just view him a certain way during sex but there's no "name" I search to label him with (well, unless you count whore!)

Once again I think you're very much like me 😂 "i would happily watch a show where the gang just live their lives, like a drama." is a sentiment I share, that's kind of what a lot of my fics want to be. I call them "missing scenes" but not necessarily only taking place in canon times, they're in future too. and enjoy having things feel like the characters.

"these past experiences of mine bled into my fanfiction preferences" that's a very normal fandom experience! some people write to get a feeling out via a comfort character, read kink/darker topics to navigate their past in a controlled way, or they have fatigue for certain headcanons/interpretations and want the opposite for some time.

I'm sorry your preferences have been judged in the past, you are super valid for enjoying a 'vanilla' sexual life. I encourage you to continue further research to better understand what kink means if it helps since you say you're unsure! They can be niche and they can be broad. kink is a huge part of the queer community's history, and so I was happy to lose the reservations I had about it when I was younger. 

"i was completely uninformed on what fandom is" <- I think again this is where some confusion about things may stem from, coupled with not being queer. It's all quite interconnected basically, the "outsiders" finding a place, and there are just... ways things work, I guess? I honestly salute you for being in this specific fandom right now. you said you've been here since 2022, as someone who's experienced a lot of fandoms before - this one has been the most confusing, hostile, restrictive one I've ever been in. so your confusion is honestly warranted, because a LOT of the way people interact with fic/characters/the show, is so unlike how it's meant to be. the attitudes are bad, the etiquette is bad, the perception of canon characters is bad lmfao, there is a problem with people not treating the fictional characters as fictional characters as you said. you mention wish fulfilment, and that + projection is very prevalent in this fandom, to a point I get fatigued by it. But that's why I just stick to what I currently like/value.

You enjoying fandom in a very canon way is rare, but I'm also pretty similar, at least with creating. I love playing with what the show gives with any headcanon, but I like keeping it "realistic" because that's fun to me. projection happens sure, and I of course explore fantasies too, but that's just the fandom experience! enjoying canon compliance over personal fantasies is just a different normal way to participate in fandom, "why would I not want more of it?" indeed!

it's truly interesting to hear all this from you, because mad machine gun heartbeat was definitely up my alley and the type of fic I'd been missing for a while now, it felt real and that's what I like in the mix of other things I enjoy. I'd been meaning to leave a comment expressing this tbh. You definitely got the reality right, it was a scenario that basically felt canon to me. 

I wouldn't say I'm offended, but I think some of the discussion of kink surprised me, especially the bdsm aspect, as someone who is in the queer community and understands its history and importance. so if you're indeed not queer, I just do encourage some more understanding where possible of where people's behavior can stem from esp being a 'loud and proud' type (but am also aware of the way you've been treated in the past, hope you continue enjoying sex how you like) because it may just be you not connecting with some types of people, as everyone experiences! 

🫶