#i do admit the cancellation of first kill is actually sad and Not A Win but what can i even say

[dearest-lady-disdain]

between dracula daily, first kill, interview with the vampire tv show and whatever the fuck mcr has going on this year is a win for queer vampire enthusiasts

[drowningbydegrees]

Something Ordinary - Part 1

This is my Novigrad Exchange gift for @aalizazareth who asked for fluff, road trip, or hurt/comfort, and I figured how about all of them? I hope this delivers! 

A huge thank you to @goodheavensgwen​ for betaing, but also for all the brainstorming and cheerleading along the way. This fic is so much better for having your input. <3

It’s in the same verse as Noonwraiths and Other Woodland Forest Creatures, but it’s not necessary to read that to understand this one. Not, this is largely fluffy and ridiculous, but there’s some canon typical mention of blood and injury.

Read on AO3

Ordinary people don’t… date witchers. Granted, Geralt has been coming to the diner where Jaskier works for the last year and a half, just about. Twenty-one months, but who’s counting? It isn’t a precisely educational experience, but between the pancakes and mediocre coffee he’s come to realize that Jaskier is anything but ordinary.

Geralt had never meant to do anything with that information. If he sometimes goes out of his way to stop in between contracts, it’s no one’s business but his own. It’s just nice to have one place he can go where someone is genuinely happy to see him. And alright, Jaskier is more alluring than he has any right to be. And perhaps Geralt spends his visits wordlessly nursing a cup of coffee just to have an excuse to listen to Jaskier chatter on about nothing in particular a while longer.

Well, he did, anyway. Things are different in the months since they exchanged numbers after Geralt stumbled in half dead after a contract. Jaskier’s conversation demands more participation, his smiles are more intentional. And though Geralt would like to think he put up at least a token resistance over these last few months (in which he has received what he’s sure are more text messages than his entire life before), somehow Jaskier has pulled Geralt right along with him.

The point is, Geralt doesn’t do this. He doesn’t let himself get attached to people. He doesn’t give himself a reason to maybe stay in one place a little more. He definitely doesn’t go for coffee shop dates. The fact that their current circumstances started with an attempt to do exactly that is completely coincidental.

Wednesday

2:15 p.m.

Like many things in Geralt’s life, things go sideways before they even start. They don’t even make it inside the coffee shop before his phone rings, and given the only person who calls him for frivolous reasons is right next to him, it’s probably important. All of which is why Geralt had to cancel and is pulling into the gas station before a six hour trip to Oreton.

He’s still not sure how Jaskier got here, though. It’s a bewildering leap from a coffee date to committing to hours in an enclosed space together, but by the time Geralt wraps his head around that Jaskier is already in the passenger seat.

“I’ll get snacks,” Jaskier offers, already opening the car door. “Do you want anything?”

Geralt motions to a box in the back seat. “I’m good.”

“Are those granola bars?” Jaskier makes a comically disapproving noise, sliding out of his seat. He leans over enough to poke his head back in. “Do you know who thinks granola bars count as road trip snacks? My grandma.”

“What’s wrong with…” Geralt starts, but Jaskier is already gone.

To Jaskier’s credit, he’s emerging from the gas station once more by the time the gas tank is full. Well, Jaskier along with a bag of what looks like more candy than someone could eat in a week and the two cups he’s juggling.

“I promised you coffee! I can’t guarantee it’s good coffee, mind you, but it is coffee,” Jaskier explains before Geralt can ask, circling the car to press a cup into the witcher’s hands.

He doesn’t do this, and supposes he could be mistaken, but Geralt is pretty certain the coffee isn’t actually the operant word in ‘coffee date.’ Still, it’s… it’s something he doesn’t quite know what to do with. Jaskier has always been friendly, but he’s taken up doing all sorts of things as of late that can’t be chalked up to it being his job, and they never seem to leave Geralt any less unmoored than he feels right now, staring at the paper cup aggressively warming the palms of his hands.

“It’s for drinking,” Jaskier prompts, and as silly as it is, the whole thing only gets more absurd. Because the glare Geralt responds with is normally enough to make people shy away, but Jaskier doesn’t even have the decency to pretend to be alarmed. He laughs, soft and lilting in a way Geralt never wants to let go of, like there’s nothing strange about any of this. Like the two of them are made for these ordinary things Geralt has never given himself the space to want.

But Jaskier has never been ordinary.

3:07 p.m.

He’s made a terrible miscalculation in this plan, Jaskier privately acknowledges about thirty miles from home. This plan. The one that was definitely an actual plan and not just an impulsive desire to go on an adventure and see Geralt in action. Does it count as a plan if he invents a purpose? Maybe he’ll write a song about it. The subject matter is a little niche, but that’s half the appeal.

The other half of the appeal is the man sitting in the driver’s seat, silently watching the nearly empty highway stretch out in front of them. He’s always pretty, but working third shift Jaskier has never really gotten to see Geralt like this, drenched in sunlight that softens his features and mutes the slight frown that seems to own permanent real estate on his face. It’s haunting, the way it lights up Geralt’s silvery white hair, like some particularly attractive ghost.

Therein lies the miscalculation, because the thing is, Geralt is no different than any other time Jaskier has been around him, which is about as talkative as the pet rock he had when he was six. Normally, that’s fine. Geralt tolerates Jaskier’s chatter at the diner. And since it’s Jaskier’s job, he usually only wanders to Geralt’s table for minutes at a time. But there are no places to wander off to in the passenger seat of Geralt’s car, and he’s barely gotten three words out of the witcher since the gas station.

“So, what are we hunting?” he tries, because it’s the one topic he’s seen loosen Geralt’s tongue. A lot, actually. He doesn’t remember even half of what Geralt tells him, but it’s terribly endearing all the same. Even if it leaves him longing to know more about what else Geralt cares about.

“I am hunting a leshen. You are staying in the car,” Geralt replies without so much as a glance his way. If he notices Jaskier’s exasperated sigh, he gives no indication.

“I… remember you mentioning those, I think,” Jaskier focuses on the leshen because it was very definitely on the list of things Geralt told him about the first night he successfully got the witcher to have anything resembling a conversation. He resolutely ignores all the words Geralt just said around that. If he doesn’t lie and say he’ll stay put, then he won’t be lying when he inevitably does not do that. Sheepishly, he ducks his head. “In my defense, there was kind of a lot going on that night. Maybe tell me again?”

That earns Jaskier a smile, however small and brief it is. It’s a win as far as Jaskier is concerned. Now if he could just wrangle a conversation.

“Tall. Sort of humanoid. Covered in branches.” Geralt says nothing else until Jaskier clears his throat, trying to prompt the witcher to give him something at least. “They have antlers.”

“Very informative,” Jaskier chides, shaking his head. He supposes he should have known better than to assume this would work. “Anything else?”

“They live in the forest.” Jaskier is so surprised to actually get an answer, he almost misses the way the corner of Geralt’s mouth twitches upward. “You know, like noonwraiths.”

Jaskier gasps, holding a hand up to his chest as if in shock. “Was that… I’m sorry. Was that a joke I just heard?”

It’s been a ridiculous joke between them for a while now, but it hits differently this time. It’s always silly, but for the first time it sinks in that it’s theirs. They have A Thing, and it leaves Jaskier all but vibrating to realize because that’s… well, that’s significant. It feels significant at any rate.

“You were serious about the woods though, right?” Jaskier asks once he remembers they were in the middle of a conversation.

“I was serious about the woods.”

Jaskier cocks his head to the side, trying to make sense of that. “Then, how is it an emergency?”

“This one was in someone’s yard,” Geralt clarifies. As much as Jaskier would like to be annoyed by the brevity, he has to admit that that actually more or less clears it up.

Jaskier tries to imagine this tree branch antler person… thing creeping over the fence of some poor, unsuspecting homeowner like a nosy neighbor. It’s a mistake, because Jaskier doesn’t know the shape in which those descriptors fit together, so it’s much more comical than frightening. He tries and fails to stifle an amused huff of laughter, but of course that would be the thing that finally gets Geralt to look at him for a second.

“Sorry, I…” Jaskier pauses, not sure he can actually explain why that’s funny since Geralt has the benefit of knowing how all his sparse descriptors fit together. “So, what are you going to do? Bribe it to go home?”

“Not this time. They’re intelligent, but you can’t reason with them. Most creatures kill because they feel threatened or to survive. Leshens are hostile. Always.” The explanation makes sense. It doesn’t sound like there’s any way around killing the creature, but Jaskier knows he isn’t imagining the sadness clouding Geralt’s features.

He has no idea how someone could possibly meet Geralt, who never takes a life if he can save it, who spends his existence keeping people safe, who has so much compassion for even the most unlovable of things, and think witchers are anything but good. Underneath the caustic disposition he shields himself with, Geralt is kinder than most humans. It makes Jaskier yearn to coax the world into seeing what he does.

Maybe he can. There’s the beginning of an idea, but before Jaskier can follow that thread, he’s distracted by Geralt. More specifically, he’s distracted by Geralt being distracted, something finally luring the witcher’s eyes briefly from the road. So, of course Jaskier turns his head to see what could possibly be so interesting.

“Horses?” Jaskier winces when he realizes he’s asked the question out loud. It’s not really even a question. They were definitely horses, one chestnut and one gray, happily grazing along the fence containing them.

“Witchers used to travel that way,” Geralt murmurs, before Jaskier even asks a question. It’s a good tactic, giving one piece of information to steer away from Jaskier’s pursuit of another. Or it would be if Jaskier wasn’t onto him.

“Yeah. Witchers and everyone else. It’d be pretty inconvenient now though, what with all the… highways and stuff. So, I’m not sure I’m following the significance.” Jaskier watches carefully, but Geralt’s expression betrays nothing. “Unless this is the part where you’re gonna tell me you’re three hundred years old or something.”

Geralt is conspicuously silent. Jaskier has never met someone who can express so much with the various ways he chooses to express nothing. It’s an exasperating quality, but impressive.

“Wait. You’re not actually, are you? I mean, not that that’s a problem, per se. Just that—” Jaskier pauses in the midst of his babbling when he catches Geralt turning his head away just the tiniest bit. It’s not fast enough to hide that Geralt seems to be biting the inside of his cheek to keep from laughing.

3:34 p.m.

There’s a lot of farmland out this way, miles of cornfields, sure, but animals too. Jaskier briefly entertains the notion that maybe Geralt grew up on a farm and is homesick or something. He’s a storyteller by nature, after all, and Geralt is such an enigma, surely he can’t be blamed for trying to fill in the gaps. Jaskier curiously watches Geralt when they lapse back into silence. They’re surrounded on both sides by… actually, Jaskier has no idea what those fields are. The only crop he actually recognizes is corn. But whatever it is, if Geralt has any attachment to it, his expression betrays nothing.

Jaskier is about to write his previous observation off as him reading too much into something ultimately unimportant when crops give way to a green, open meadow. It’s the kind of place Jaskier thinks looks about perfect for a picnic or laying out to watch the clouds drift by, or something. It’s also the kind of place where someone keeps a rather striking-looking horse, its coat a shade of gold just a touch warmer than Geralt’s eyes. “I’ve never seen one like that.”

“It’s a palomino,” Geralt replies, though Jaskier doesn’t think he’s actually looked that way. Either Geralt is even more subtle than Jaskier gives him credit for, or something about that merits remembering.

“The breed?” Jaskier presses. This is even more fascinating than coaxing Geralt into talking about monsters. It’s not a subject Jaskier knows a damned thing about either, but it’s an unexpected thing Geralt seems to be interested in, and that all by itself makes it worth pursuing.

“It’s not a breed.” Maybe ‘talking about’ is a little too charitable a description for the handful of words Jaskier gets Geralt to part with at any one time. That’s a puzzle too. Jaskier hasn’t quite sussed out whether Geralt actually doesn’t like talking or if it’s a side effect of the way humans tend to respond to witchers. It’s a shame either way. Jaskier quite likes listening to him.

“Okay…?” Jaskier prods. It’s only afterwards that it occurs to him that if Geralt truly isn’t interested in talking, maybe when the witcher is stuck a foot away from Jaskier and can’t extricate himself from the situation is not the right time to push the matter.

“It’s a color.” After a slight pause, Geralt adds, “Gold coat. White mane and tail.”

There’s more after, not that Jaskier can keep up with most of it. Often, even when Jaskier is actively trying to engage, all he gets from Geralt is a wordless hum or a raised eyebrow. So, the fact that there are a number of words in a row is noteworthy already. That Geralt is continuing to speak without being prompted is nothing short of a miracle. Maybe pushing wasn’t the problem so much as finding the right subject matter.

And thus, a new game is born. Whether out of some sense of dignity or something else, Geralt doesn’t actually mention when they pass by horses. It’s the very slight shift in Geralt’s body language, something Jaskier would probably say was him perking up if it were more explicit, that clues Jaskier in if he doesn’t see them himself. But the minute Jaskier mentions them, Geralt appears all too happy to talk about the precise measurement that differentiates horses and ponies (14.2 hands or less, which then becomes an extended conversation about why horses are measured in hands), the Lippizaner stallion troupe (which Jaskier will admit he would really like to see if they’re even half as impressive as Geralt suggests), and that one breed of wild horses that are maybe possibly completely divergent from domestic horses (Jaskier immediately forgets how to pronounce their name, but he does remember they sort of look like especially stocky donkeys).

“How do you know all this, anyway? I’m starting to think you should have gone to work in a stable or something instead of being a witcher,” Jaskier teases after a particularly emphatic explanation about what an utter failure Redania’s wild horse adoption program is. “I mean, it would definitely be my loss, but…”

He trails off, teasing smile immediately fading as he happens to look over at Geralt. Even when he’s happy, Geralt’s expressions tend to be a bit muted, but there’s no trace of anything like happiness now. His head is subtly bowed, like he’s ashamed of something, and that just won’t do at all. There’s nothing shameful about the details that make up a person. Before Jaskier can ask what exactly dampened the mood, Geralt softly replies, “I was going to.”

“You were?” It might be a mistake. This was meant to be fun. It’s just that Geralt so rarely gives Jaskier anything about himself, and Jaskier so desperately wants to know him. He rationalizes that if he drops the matter, Geralt will think he doesn’t care and won’t ever try again. “What happened?”

“Not important.” The words are clipped, but Jaskier has at least known Geralt long enough to differentiate between the witcher being actually irritated and any of the multitude of other emotions that make him sound irritated. This is definitely one of the latter.

“Of course it’s important if it makes you look like that.” Impulsively, Jaskier reaches out to lay a hand on Geralt’s shoulder. The way Geralt nearly jumps out of his skin is a stark reminder that he’s not quite so instinctively tactile as Jaskier is. Geralt doesn’t pull away, but he doesn’t answer either, so Jaskier only lingers briefly before pulling his hand back into his lap.

“I thought everyone was exaggerating about how things would change when they made me into this,” Geralt explains, so quiet that Jaskier has to listen carefully over the engine. It’s an aching, vulnerable thing, as human a confession as Jaskier has ever heard before Geralt’s expression abruptly shutters.

“I’m so sorry… Wait, made you?” Jaskier realizes, not for the first time, that he knows nothing about witchers. Nothing true at any rate.

But whatever strange magic had coaxed Geralt into speaking has passed, and the witcher doesn’t even acknowledge Jaskier has said anything. He longs to know more, to soothe whatever it is that hurts so much, but Jaskier has at least enough sense to realize that if he presses now, Geralt will think twice about telling him anything later. The minutes stretch out between them like taffy, the silence deafening until Jaskier absolutely cannot take it. He impulsively reaches for the radio, turning the dial until the static of a station that’s long since out of range is coming through the speakers. “So… music!”

Geralt’s lips purse in… actually Jaskier isn’t all that familiar with this particular expression yet. His default state is so grumpy, it’s hard to tell this time if he’s annoyed or uncomfortable. Neither one is what he’s going for, so he pointedly does not ask what that station is, immediately setting about adjusting until a melody cuts clearly through the hissing noise. Fic Masterpost

[matbarzyy]

Wasted Love (part 2) [T.S.]

A/N: Wow look at me post part two soon after I started the series! Now I need to hurry up and write the third part but that’s a tomorrow problem. Thank you to everyone who told me what they thought of the start of the series, it really means the world and I hope you’ll like this part too <3

Word count: 2445

Warnings: an abusive boyfriend

.

“Hello you,” Tyler grinned as he fist bumped her as a greeting. It was hard to do anything else over her desk, and it was now a habit between her and all the guys on the team. “How’s your day going?”

“It’s been good,” Alessia smiled back effortlessly, leaning back into her chair to rest her back for a minute. “How was practice?”

“Pretty fun, we’re all going out for dinner tonight with a few other people, if you want to join,” He threw it out there because it was a work thing and he had never seen her out with everyone before. Alessia only ever joined when everyone was getting lunch somewhere together. Most of the people she worked with were older than her, and predominantly men too. Tyler knew it might be hard for her to be included in plans.

“Oh, thanks, but um, I’ve got to be home with my boyfriend tonight,” She said it with a little sigh, and that prompted Tyler to poke a little bit further.

“Is everything okay at home?” He leaned against the wall with a slight frown. Ever since he had met Alessia he had felt protective of her. She was one of the youngest people working for the team, and she was slowly discovering the industry. He didn’t doubt that she had the skills to do amazing, or she would never have gotten hired, but he liked to keep an eye on her to make sure she was fine.

“We had a little fight, nothing to worry about,” She admitted with a shrug. “I had plans with friends and he got a little annoyed that I haven’t been spending enough time with him, and them my friends got pissed that I cancelled so… yeah, it’ll blow over in a day or two,”

“That sucks, I’m sorry,” He didn’t know what to tell her, she would clearly annoy either her friends or boyfriend no matter what she did now. “You guys been living together long?”

“Almost six months, yeah,” Alessia nodded. “It’s nice, plus rent is so much cheaper divided by two,” She chuckled and Tyler faked a little laugh too.

“Fair enough. I’ve gotta run, but I’ll see you tomorrow?” He stopped himself from mentioning how fucked up that sounded.

Sure, regular people had to worry about money a little more than he did, but he was still sure mentioning saving money to describe how great it was to live with a boyfriend was messed up. He had expected her to say she was happy to see him more often, to come home to him every night, to wake up to him in the morning.

“Of course,” Alessia cut him off from his thoughts, and Tyler pushed himself off the wall.

“Good luck tonight, I hope things settle down at home,” He said it sincerely, but a little voice in the back of his mind nagged him. He didn’t hope things would settle down. He hoped she would break up with the guy that clearly wasn’t giving her the happiness she deserved.

“Thanks Ty,” She waved as he left, and he gave her one last smile before he was out of sight.

.

The fact that Jordan didn’t like it when she spent a night with her friends didn’t sit well with Tyler. It bothered him the first time she told him, but after a couple of weeks he noticed a pattern. Whenever Alessia had plans with a friend it had to be lunch, if it was at night the plans would either get cancelled or she’d show up in a bad mood the next day because she argued with her boyfriend.

Their relationship was obviously fucked up, and Tyler didn’t feel like sitting around and letting her be sad. Surely her boyfriend wouldn’t be able to say anything if she stayed out at night for a work event, so he invited her for drinks with the team and a few other people in admin and services that they got along with.

“Be careful Tyler,” Jamie shook his head disapprovingly as they got changed for their morning skate. “She’s taken,”

“I know that,” The other man grumbled. “We let everyone else we like come along, she’s cool, why wouldn’t I invite her?”

“Because you obviously like her, and she’s got a boyfriend,” Jamie was far from stupid and he knew his friend all too well.

“I’m not trying to make a move, the guy’s an asshole though,” Tyler laced up his skates, huffing as he pulled them on tightly.

“Sounds like someone’s jealous.” The bearded man used a teasing tone as he finished adjusting his own gear.

“I’m not,” Was he?

“Just don’t get into something messy, okay? She’s also just twenty two,” Jamie added. The whole scenario screamed recipe for disaster and he didn’t want to see what would go down if Tyler actually let himself fall for her.

“Way to make me feel old Jamie, thanks for that,” Tyler patted his friend’s shoulder and headed out of the locker room, ready to clear his mind on the ice for a while.

.

The bar was relatively quiet that night if you made an abstraction of the team of giants in green taking up most of the space. Alessia was sitting at the bar on one of the far ends, her hair falling in front of her face to hide herself.

“Is that apple juice?” Tyler slid into the seat next to hers with his own drink, lifting her curtain of hair and pushing it behind her shoulder.

“Yeah, work in the morning, remember?” She smiled, and he couldn’t help but notice how cute she was when the side of her eyes crinkled like that.

“I’ve got practice in the morning too, it’s one drink, won’t kill me,”

“I’m half your size with no muscles, my alcohol tolerance is low,” she chuckled when she saw the whiskey in his hand. One of those was enough to give her a headache. “Besides I’m driving, and I don’t want to see Jordan’s face if I come home after drinking at a work thing,”

“So what? He doesn’t like it when you hang out with your friends, he doesn’t like it when you drink, so you’re just not gonna do anything you want to do?” Tyler cocked his head to the side, pointing out everything he didn’t like about the guy while she shrugged.

“I don’t want to drink, and it’s not stupid of him to say, it’s Tuesday night. It’d be different on a weekend,” Alessia defended him and made it all sound like her own decision, but he was far from stupid.

“Fair enough,” Tyler cleared his throat to move on to something a bit more cheerful. Just hearing the name Jordan got on his nerves and he wanted the night to be fun. “Hey look! Jamie needs someone on his team,” He pointed over to the three men around the pool table. “Do you know how to play?”

“Absolutely not,” she curled further into her seat and a wide grin spread over Tyler’s face.

“Time to learn then!” He put a hand on her arm and gently tugged her up after him.

The guys were generally competitive, but considering that it was her first game they used it to teach her rather than try to win. Jamie and her took turns with Tyler coaching her from the side and showing her how to place her hands or telling her what angle she’d need to hit the ball at.

“Here,” He chuckled, standing close behind Alessia and gently grasping her wrist to adjust her.

He ignored the warning look he received from Jamie and went on with his instructions before stepping back, letting her do the rest on her own.

“Dude, you call her Allie?” Jamie groaned when Alessia was gone. “I’ve seen you like this before and you’re so fucked. You can’t have her,”

“It’s not like that!” He tried to defend himself but his friend didn’t buy it. “Fine, maybe I like her, but we’re just friends. I’m not doing anything,”

“Just don’t be stupid, okay?” The older man warned him again but he dismissed it as he had done every other time.

“It’s a nickname Jamie, not a proposal.”

.

The more Alessia went out for drinks at the end of the night the more she got along with the guys on the team. She didn’t talk to all of them, but Tyler, Jamie and their closer friends were now also her friends. It was refreshing to have a group of people close to her outside of home, and she loved to spend her evenings with them before she came home.

The lack of time she spent home translated into hurtful comments and reactions from Jordan almost daily. It was exhausting, but Tyler was always there to lift her mood in the morning so she found it all worth it. She blamed it on Jordan’s job being stressful at the moment, and on most nights they made up rather quickly with a little bit of effort on her part.

“I’ve just got a couple of emails to reply to,” Alessia opened her laptop on thursday night and Jordan huffed.

“Well maybe you wouldn’t need to do that at night if you weren’t always out with those people having drinks.” He stood in front of her across the table, arms crossed over his chest.

“I never even drink,” She defended herself, typing her reply while trying to ignore Jordan’s grumbles in the background. “It’s good for my career if I have contacts,”

“Enjoy your career then, just go take care of that and forget I exist,” he walked around to stand next to her and Alessia turned to him.

“Jordan I’m not-” she started but got cut off immediately.

“Are you sleeping with one of them? Uh? Is that how you’re building your career? Fucking some rich asshole behind my back?” His voice rose and her eyes widened.

“Of course not!” She insisted, flinching when he yelled.

“I’m always here taking care of you!” He stomped forward and Alessia felt her hands shake. “And yet you’re never here when I come home!”

“I’m sorry, Jordan, please,” she said quietly, trying her best to calm him down.

Jordan only shook his head at her, turning on his heels with her trailing close behind. She wanted to fix things, the emails could wait until morning. He didn’t seem to be in the same mindset as he got to the bedroom and turned around with a glare.

“You can stay out here until you’ve sorted out your priorities.” He slammed the bedroom door, missing her face by a few inches and turning the lock.

Alessia remained still behind it, in shock for a full minute.

Knowing he wouldn’t calm down too fast, she went back to her work and quickly did everything she needed to catch up on. She hoped he had settled down as she walked over to the bedroom with a yawn and tried for the door. It was still locked, so she knocked on it softly.

No answer came from the other side. She could hear him moving in bed, but he didn’t even care enough to get up.

Alessia held back her tears and went back to the couch, eyeing the laundry drying on the rack in a corner of the living room. At least she should still be able to throw a decent work outfit together in the morning. The same couldn’t be said for pajamas, there were no casual clothes drying and Jordan didn’t like it when she wore his stuff.

It was too cold to sleep without clothes on, especially with a small throw blanket rather than the comfy thick duvet that she normally had in bed. So, Alessia found herself with her legs bare and a slightly scratchy sweater on her upper body to stay warm as she curled up on the couch.

.

When she made it to the office in the morning she felt like crying. She had barely slept, she was exhausted both mentally and physically and she was already dreading the night ahead of her.

“What do you need?” She nearly growled when Tyler strolled into her office without a knock.

“Uh, never mind,” he swallowed and took a small step back.

“Okay?” Alessia looked up from her screen with an eyebrow raised, waiting on his next move. Did he need her or was he just standing there for no reason?

“I don’t really want to make you work right now, I don’t mean to be rude, but you look like shit,” Tyler unfroze a few seconds later and pulled a chair out to sit across from her.

“Thanks Ty,” A dry chuckle fell from her lips, and she rubbed her hands over her face. “I’m kinda sleep deprived,”

“What happened?” He stopped himself from reaching over to move her hair away from her face.

“It’s not that big of a deal,” Alessia sighed. “Jordan and I were arguing over something dumb, I spent the night on the couch and it’s ridiculously uncomfortable,”

“It’s not dumb if you didn’t even want to go back to bed,” Tyler gently pryed a little further.

“More like he didn’t want me in there,” she rolled her eyes, leaning back in her chair and fiddling with a pencil. She was staring at her hands rather than at him because she could already guess what he was about to say.

“I know it’s none of my business,” Tyler said it slowly so that he could think over his words. “But you’re my friend, and your relationship sounds really fucked up,”

“I swear it’s not as bad as it sounds, besides it’s just one night,” Alessia argued weakly, she always tried to defend him, she always had an excuse.

“You’re old enough to make your own decisions,” He shrugged. Tyler was good at hiding how furious he was, it wasn’t directed towards her so she didn’t need to see it. “But it he was mad enough to refuse to sleep next to you, he should have been the one taking the couch,”

“He’s not a bad person,” Alessia looked up then, but her words weren’t convincing.

“You know him better than I do, I guess,” Tyler let out a long sigh. He didn’t know what else to say to her, and he was afraid that pushing her would stop her from confiding in him in the future. “Call me if that happens again, okay? I live fifteen minutes away, I’ve got three empty guest rooms, and I’m sure they’re more comfortable than your couch.”

.

Please reblog and let me know what you thought!

[jadelotusflower]

Roundup: August 2021

This month: Jane Eyre, Wide Sargasso Sea, Don’t Call it a Cult, The Secret Garden, Showbiz Kids, Masters of the Universe: Revelation, Lucifer.

Reading Jane Eyre (Charlotte Bronte) - I’ve been meaning to read the Wide Sargasso Sea for a long, long time, but first I thought I’d revisit the source material. I find my opinion hasn’t much changed - I still love the prose, still love Jane as a character, and still find Rochester extremely unappealing. The section with Jane at school is the most engaging for me, and her early time as a governess at Thornfield, but as soon as Rochester shows up I just find him so irritating I have no idea why Jane loves him so much (other than he was the first man to ever show her a scrap of attention). I mean, I know to an extent - I've read the Takes, and part of fiction is accepting what you want for the character as a reader and what they want for themselves can be two different things, and that's not the fault of the text. I can be satisfied by the ending because Jane gets what she wants, I just can’t help but wonder about a Jane who was found by John Eyre before she went to Thornfield, or who took her inheritance and made her own way after Moor House. Byronic heroes just aren't my thing I guess ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Wide Sargasso Sea (Jean Rhys) - The first Mrs Rochester of Jane Eyre strikes an uneasy tone to a modern reader; she does not utter a word in the novel, is depicted as animalistic and almost demonic, her story only told in a self-serving manner by Rochester, and conveniently disposed of so Jane can return to claim him. Rhys reimagines Bertha as Antoinette, a “white Creole” of Jamaica in a postcolonial take on the racial/social prejudices and hierarchy only hinted at in Eyre, where Bertha being Creole primarily an aspect of her Otherness, and in which Rochester describes himself as being desired as a husband because he was "of good race" . In Sea, although Antoinette is white (passing, perhaps), he sees her "not English or European either" and this contributes to his rejection of her (and perhaps his willingness to believe she is mad). The novel is surprisingly short - it skips over the meeting and courtship of Antoinette and Rochester (tellingly unnamed in the novel) entirely, jumping directly from her childhood/coming of age to the couple already married, and over much of Bertha's (renamed by Rochester) sad life in the attic. Still, there's a density to the writing, much is implied beyond the sparse use of words and recurring imagery - subjugation, reflection, and of course, fire - when freed slaves (Rhys changes the timeframe to after the passing of the Emancipation Act of 1833) set fire to Antoinette's family plantation, a pet parrot whose wings have been clipped by her English step-father Mason, cannot flee and falls to a fiery doom, in a grim omen of Bertha's fate. It did, however, leave me wanting more - I understand Rhys' stylistic choices and restraint, but in her effort to give voice to the voiceless, Antoinette/Bertha remains somewhat an enigma. Don’t Call it a Cult: Keith Raniere and the women of NXIVM (Sarah Berman) - I continue to be disturbed but intrigued by the NXIVM case, not only because of my abhorrence of MLMs/pyramid schemes, but my bafflement as to how this thoroughly unremarkable man was able to hold sway over so many women. My mild criticism of the two documentaries on this subject was that they tended to jump around in time so you never really got a good idea of what happened when. This book provides a well researched, detailed summary of events and linear chronology of Raniere’s perverse pathology reaching all the way back to childhood, and so is both an excellent supplement to the already informed, and broad overview to those new to the case. Berman is a Vancouver-based journalist who was present at Raniere’s trial and gives insight into witness testimony, supported by her own interviews and extensive research. There's less of a focus on the sensationalised celebrity members, with greater emphasis on the lesser known victims - including the three Mexican sisters who were all abused by Raniere, one of whom was kept confined to a room for years. It's difficult reading, consolation being the

knowledge that Raniere is rotting in prison and that his crimes finally caught up with him. Watching The Secret Garden (dir. Marc Munden) - Spoilers, if one needs a spoiler warning for a 110 year old novel. One of those stories that is adapted every generation, and generally I have no problem with this, since new adaptations can often bring something new or be a different take on old material (see Little Women 2019). But a part of me can’t help feel why bother with this when the perfect 1993 version exists. There is an Attempt at something new with this film, moving the setting forward to 1947 (Mary’s parents having died during the Partition), and turning the garden from a small walled secret to a mystical, huge wonderland full of ferns and flowers and endless sun. But in doing so, the central metaphor is lost - rather than Mary discovering something abandoned and run wild, gently bringing it back to life with love and care, she merely discovers a magical place that requires no effort on her part. There’s also less of a character arc for Mary, remaining unpleasant far into the proceedings, forcing Colin to visit the garden instead of it being his true wish, and generally succeeding by imposing her will on everyone else. In many ways she’s more like Burnett's other child heroine Sarah Crewe - the film opens I’m with her telling stories to her doll including Ramayana, which is eerily reminiscent of Alfonso Cuaron's (also perfect) 1995 adaptation of A Little Princess. But I suppose a sliver of credit where it's due - Julie Walters' Mrs Medlock is less of an antagonist, with Colin Firth's Lord Craven being Mary's primary obstacle. There's also a subplot with Mary's mother's depression following the death of her sister being the reason for her neglect (and Merlin alum Rupert Young shows up briefly as Mary's father) but like shifting the time period, there just doesn't seem to be a point to it. The climax of the film involves the Manor burning down (writer Jack Thorne stealing from Rebecca too, lol), with Mary and Craven have a very calm conversation as fire and smoke surrounds them. It’s all very bizarre, but also…rather dull? Don't bother with this, just watch the 1993 film again. Showbiz Kids (dir. Alex Winter) - a really interesting documentary on the titular subject - Winter was himself a child actor on Broadway before his film career kicked off in The Lost Boys and Bill and Ted, and has been able to assemble a broad range of interview subjects - Mara Wilson, Evan Rachel Wood, Wil Wheaton, Jada Pinkett Smith among others - former child actors, those still in the business, and some up and comers like Disney star Cameron Boyce (who I was sad to see in the coda has passed away). We also follow two young hopefuls - Marc, attending acting classes and auditioning in pilot season, yet to book a job but his parents are invested in "his" dream, and Demi, already established on Broadway but having to start to make choices between a career and a childhood. There's no voiceover, no expert opinions in this, letting the actors speak for themselves, but there is a telling juxtaposition of Marc returning home, jobless but having fun in the pool with his friends, while Demi has to cancel the summer camp she had been so looking forward to because she has booked a new role. The film is fairly even handed, but ultimately I took away that there just seems to be more harm than not in this industry, and abuses of many kinds. It does make you wonder about the ethics of child acting, at least in the current system where the cautionary tales are plentiful. Masters of the Universe: Revelation (episodes 1-5) - Mild spoilers I guess? I was never really into He-Man as a kid, other than the Secret of the Sword movie, so most of the in jokes and references in this went over my head. I have to admit, it was actually seeing all the outrage that made me want to check this out and see what all the complaining was about. I actually…really enjoyed it?!? I’m sympathetic to the complaints of a bait and switch (creators really need to learn to say

“just wait and see”), but other than that in my view the rest seemed completely unfounded. Adam/He-Man being killed in the first episode and the impact that has on Eternia and those left behind is actually a really interesting premise. This isn’t a TLJ situation; in contrast everyone (except Evil-Lyn) is always going on about how much they miss Adam, and the whole point of the first arc is him coming back. There’s also a nice little detail of Adam in Preternia (heroes heaven) choosing to remain as he is rather than as He-Man where all his predecessors have chosen their “ultimate” forms. I love him and his Magical Girl transformation. As for Teela - female characters can’t win, it seems. If they are perfect, they’re Mary Sues, if they have flaws, they’re unlikeable. Teela is Going Through things and is on a journey, but I often feel (and it seems the case here) that people confuse a character arc with author intent. No! Just because a character says/does something it doesn't mean you're supposed to agree with them! Some of Teela's actions may be petty and her demeanor less than sweet, but people make bad choices as a response to grief, and I actually thought her anger over Adam never telling her his secret and how that manifested was a pretty interesting take. I'll be interested to see the next half of the season, and ignore the ragebait youtube commentary. One more thing - Evil-Lyn (perfectly voiced by Lena Headey) was an absolute delight. Lucifer (season 5 part 2): They’ve basically given up on the procedural side of things by now and are leaning heavily into the mythology, which works for me since the case of the week is always the least interesting part of any show. It also struck me this season that there’s gender parity in the main cast (Lucifer, Amenadiel, Dan and then Chloe, Maze, Ella, Linda) - and actually, that’s more women than men. How often does that happen?!? I can’t say I’m particularly engaged with the Lucifer/Chloe pairing, but am happy to go along with it since that’s where the whole plot revolves. The best scenes for me this season were with God’s Dysfunctional Family, even if the lead up to the finale felt rushed (I understand the need to wrap things up in case of cancellation but still). I would have liked to see more of the sibling dynamics between the angels and less romantic drama, but hey. The character death got me, as well. I didn't see it coming and I didn't realise how much I had enjoyed that character until they were gone and well...it got me. I see the last season is coming soon, I'm not exactly sure where they can go from here, but looking forward to it nonetheless. Writing I was actually quite sick this month with a throat infection, so wasn't in the best frame of mind to get anything finished like I had planned to. I'm going to hold off posting the word count this month and roll it over to September when hopefully I've actually posted things.

[sanderssidesfanfiction]

If There’s a Place I Could Be - Chapter Seventy Five

If There’s a Place I Could Be Tag

November 22nd, 2000

“Toby!” Remy exclaimed, running to his brother and hugging him tight. “Oh, God, Toby, am I relieved to see you!”

“Hey, Rem!” Toby exclaimed, turning from where he had been talking to Vanessa to hug Remy. “It’s so good to see you! How’s college been?”

Remy’s stomach churned and he groaned. “Oh, God, I don’t want to talk about it,” he complained.

“Fair enough,” Toby laughed. “I feel the same way after midterms. Have you made any friends, at least?”

“I mean, I guess...” Remy said. “Although he made me his friend more than I made him my friend.”

“Still! A friend! That’s progress!” Toby said excitedly. “What’s his name?”

“His name’s Emile, and he’s—”

Remy was cut off as his mother called them all to the dinner table. “You can explain about him more after dinner,” Toby promised. “I’ll love to hear all about him.”

  November 22nd, 2002

“Oh, my God, Emile, hon, breathe,” Remy said with a little laugh, placing his hands on Emile’s shoulders and gently shaking him.

Emile was not, in fact, breathing like Remy requested. Emile was bawling on the couch having just watched the finale of Courage the Cowardly Dog. “I-I-I don’t want it to be over!” Emile wailed.

“Want it or not, it’s over, hon, you’re gonna pass out at this rate. Please. Breathe,” Remy requested.

Emile took in one deep breath, then another, and Remy gave him an encouraging smile. “Good. That’s good, hon.”

“I feel dizzy,” Emile breathed.

“Yeah, well, you hyperventilated for a good fifteen minutes, I’m not surprised. Should I get you some water?” Remy asked.

“Please?” Emile asked softly.

Remy kissed Emile’s temple and went to the kitchen, grabbing him a glass of water. He walked back over and Emile took the water with a small “Thank you,” taking small sips as his hands ever-so-slightly shook.

“Are you like this when any cartoon you like ends? Because if so, then I might need to get you a designated sobbing corner in our apartment,” Remy teased.

“No, I’m not like this every time,” Emile huffed. “I’m just like this with the ones that mean a lot to me.”

“So, all of them,” Remy filled in.

Emile stuck his tongue out at Remy but Remy just grinned shamelessly. “Listen, I don’t freak out over every last cartoon I’ve ever seen,” Emile said.

“Oh, I’m sure,” Remy said. “You have your calm moments, totally.”

“Remy!” Emile laughed. “I’m trying to be serious.”

“I’m trying to be realistic while also being lighthearted,” Remy said with a shrug. “You get really obsessed with all things cartoons, Emile. I would not be surprised if this happens again.”

Emile pouted, but Remy counted that as better than a scowl, and therefore a win. “I’m not a child, Rem,” Emile said.

“Of course you’re not a child,” Remy said, blinking. “You’re my boyfriend, and a wonderful man, and a massive geek, but you’re not a child.”

Emile was continuing to pout and Remy sat down next to him on the couch. “Is this post-cartoon withdrawal or is this a serious self-esteem issue about you being seen as a child?”

“Probably a mix of both,” Emile said reluctantly. “I just...everyone likes to joke about me getting obsessed with cartoons, and just being...like a giant puppy, or something. And yeah, most of the time that doesn’t bother me, but is that all people see me as? Do they only see me as an overgrown child who just needs to...grow up?”

“I can tell you right now that’s not the case, Emile,” Remy said with absolute certainty. “I mean, sure, cartoons are generally made for children. But liking them doesn’t make you a child. You’ve seen what happens in the adult world, and you’re training to become a therapist to help people with the real world being far, far too much for them to handle. You know exactly how depraved the real world can be. And you use cartoons to remember that good can triumph over evil, that at the end of the day, friendship and family make everything better, and that even in our darkest moments, there’s hope. You don’t simply use them as an escape from the real world, you use them to look at the real world in a different, more positive light. And that’s...honestly, that’s one of the most mature things I can think of. Proving to the world that you won’t be beaten down, that you’ll keep looking for the good in everything. You’re not a child. Sometimes, you like childish things, but liking childish things doesn’t make you a child. I should know. I’m a grown adult who lives vicariously through comic books.”

Emile laughed. “I guess you’re right,” he conceded. “It’s just...hard to remember sometimes. And I know my family always means the teasing about me loving cartoons in good fun, but after a while...it wears on me, and then something happens, like one of my favorite cartoons being cancelled, and I cry over it, and I ask myself, am I really that child that everyone says I am?”

“No, hon, you’re not a child,” Remy said. “Think about it this way: everything my mom says is wrong, and my mom called you a child and ‘stuck in the past.’ Still feel like that has any basis in truth?”

Emile blinked. “...No,” he admitted. “But I really don’t think I can use your mother as the basis for making me feel better most of the time. Usually, she just makes me mad.”

“That’s fair, she drives me up the wall too,” Remy said with a grin.

Emile laughed, only slightly hysterically. “You know, we’re having Thanksgiving here this year,” he said.

“Yeah?” Remy asked. “With your parents. What’s your point?”

“What if your mother comes back?” Emile asked. “Are you ready for that?”

Remy shrugged. “If she comes back I’ll refer to your mom as my mom until she gets the message to leave, and we don’t let her through the door for literally anything,” he said. “Like, my mom scares me, but your parents have gotten her to back down without too much trouble before. If worst comes to worst I can hide behind your dad.”

Emile laughed. “That doesn’t sound like a very solid plan, Rem,” he said.

“Well, I mean...I don’t have a solid plan. I’m not, like, getting nightmares over Thanksgiving but I am admittedly anxious enough that I don’t like thinking about it if I can help it,” Remy admitted. “I’m not really ready to go head-to-head with her. Your parents can act as a buffer, at least a little bit, and I know you won’t put up with her hanging around the apartment, but like...I’m still nervous.”

“That’s understandable,” Emile said with a nod. “Are you ready for Thanksgiving otherwise? I mean, my parents agreed to get the turkey, but do we need to go grocery shopping?”

Remy blinked. “I completely forgot! That’s what I was going to do before I found you sobbing your eyes out on the couch. Emile! We need to go grocery shopping.”

Emile laughed and nodded. “All right, good to know. Should we head out now?”

“Um. Yeah. We have six days, so everything we need should be there and not bought out, with the benefit of it not going bad before Thanksgiving.”

“Then we’d better head out,” Emile said, finishing his water and standing up. “We don’t want to miss out on the cranberry sauce because I was bawling my eyes out about Courage.”

Remy laughed, but his mind was whirring as he grabbed his coat and shoes. His mother was probably going to show up on or around Thanksgiving again, to try and take him back to her house. And much as he would like to see Toby again, he didn’t have his own car that he could use to drive away once he got contact info, so he had no chance of leaving if he went with his mother. And not coming back home, never seeing Emile again, that wasn’t an option. In fact, if Toby found out Remy had left the love of his life just to see Toby again, he would probably be calling Remy bone-dead stupid for the rest of time.

Emile brushed his hand against Remy’s as they left the apartment complex and headed to the grocery store. “What are you thinking about?” he asked.

“Toby,” Remy admitted. “I just...miss him and wish I could see him again. Not enough to go with my mother anywhere, of course, but I still miss him.”

“We’ll find him,” Emile promised Remy. “Dice said he had a couple leads last time we met, remember? It’s not much, and it will probably take some months to get everything figured out and find out which lead is going to lead us to him, but we’ll find him. We’re closer than ever before.”

“Yeah,” Remy said, but he wasn’t feeling as confident as Emile sounded.

“Remy,” Emile said. “We will find him. I know you’d love to see him by Christmas, or your birthday, or someday soon, and it bums you out that isn’t possible. But one day, we’re going to find him, and he’s going to give you a big hug, and you’re going to give him one back, and you two will keep close. Like, I can’t see a time where he isn’t a phone call away, once we find him. Even if the two of you didn’t talk for months, I have no doubt you could just pick up the phone and chat again like the two of you had never stopped talking in the first place. Just from what you’ve told me of him, he wouldn’t throw away his second chance. He would hold it as close as he could, and he would never, ever let go.”

Remy nodded with a sad smile. “That does sound like him,” he sighed. “I just...I don’t know. I wish he could be here for the big things, and the little things. Like, Christmas is going to be a pain, just because I’m going to think about him no matter what with all the emphasis on family and friendship and camaraderie and staying together no matter what. Like, I’d kill to just have the option of calling him, even if I didn’t actually do that. And it feels like Toby is just...a huge focus on our conversations nowadays, and I don’t mean for that to happen, but it just kinda...does.”

“Well, the holidays are coming up, which means you miss him more. That’s normal, Rem,” Emile said, placing a hand on Remy’s shoulder. They walked into the grocery store, and Emile grabbed a basket. “We’ll talk about him as much as you need to, and when the hurt ebbs away a little bit, like it usually does after the holidays, we’ll have room to talk about other things.”

“Like what?” Remy asked. “What do we normally talk about when I’m not obsessed with Toby?”

“Normal life stuff. Work, school, friends. Whatever crazy project you want to try whenever you have the time. Whatever small thing has gotten into my hair and refuses to let me go free until you help me work through the knots.”

It felt like Emile was trying to hold something back from him, though. “What aren’t you telling me, Emile?” Remy asked, his eyes squinted.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” Emile lied.

“Emile,” Remy insisted.

“Remy, trust me when I say it’ll be much better as a surprise, okay?” Emile said. “I’m working on something for your birthday, and it’s taking a while so I started early, but I’m getting everything set up, slowly but surely. And it’ll be ready in time for your birthday, and you’re probably going to be chattering about it non-stop when it comes to pass. But right now, it’s not ready, and I want to surprise you. So can we talk about something else?”

Remy groaned. “Oh, you’re no fun, Emile. Fine. What boring thing do you want to talk about that doesn’t involve my birthday?”

Emile looked around the store. “Where do we go first? What ingredients do we need for Thanksgiving dinner?”

Remy hummed and said, “Well, we need the cranberry sauce, and stuffing, and ice cream. I talked to your dad, and he’s bringing a pie over—”

“—Because of course he is,” Emile finished.

“—So we don’t have to worry about that,” Remy said. “I think we should pick some rolls up, or at least some dough and bake the rolls ourselves, just because that’s always a nice add-on, and then we need to figure out the gravy.”

Emile nodded. “Sounds good,” he agreed.

Remy started pulling Emile around in the search, but in the back of his mind the gears were still whirring like crazy. What exactly did Emile have planned for his birthday? What would take so long that he’d have to start in November?

And would it ruin Remy’s plans to go out and buy a ring for Emile?

[girls-scenarios]

The Statement

Idol: Wonyoung (IZ*ONE)

Prompt: Izone Wonyoung and idol reader is at isac together and while idol reader is interacting with fans, fans notice that the reader and wonyoung have matching rings and everyones like "tHeYRe dAtInG ThEY hAvE tO bE dAtInG HhHhHHhHHhH" and in the end the couple admits theyre dating uwu thank youuuuuu

Writer: Admin Kiwi

A/N: I am seriously SO excited that we are FINALLY getting an IZ*ONE comeback! I was so sad when my pre-order was canceled back in November, it was the one refund I never wanted to get, but finally! Our girls are back! I can’t wait to see them again, I’ve missed them so much. Anyway, I hope you all enjoy, and please support IZ*ONE and their comeback!

You hadn’t really been thinking when you slipped the ring on your finger that fateful morning. It was more out of habit than anything else as you sleepily got ready for the long, taxing day ahead of you. The Idol Star Athletics Championships were never easy. You’d been training for weeks leading up to the championships, before and after your normal promotions, so you were to tired to think about what the simple ring on your finger could ignite.

“Don’t be too obvious when you interact with IZ*ONE,” your leader warned you as you got in the car, sending you a look. “In fact, probably don’t interact with Wonyoung at all in front of the cameras.”

“Yeah, yeah.” You were pretty used to this by now, so you yawned and leaned your head against the window, pulling out your phone to send a text to your girlfriend. “I’ve got it. Don’t worry.”

-Good morning and good luck! I’m sure you’ll be amazing as always

Wonyoung’s response was almost automatic.

-Good morning and good luck to you too! I can’t wait to see you!

You smiled at the long list of emojis she added to the end of her text, then laughed softly when she sent you a selfie of her and a sleeping Yena, the other girl’s mouth half open.

-She’s gonna kill you for that

-But it was just too funny kekeke

-See you soon! Maybe lol

Your manager started to talk, probably saying something important, so you put away your phone and tuned in, trying your best not to fall asleep.

-

The building was crowded, teeming with life despite the early hour, and as your group shoved through the back area, you caught sight of IZ*ONE walking towards you. A smile spread across your face and you ignored the snickers from your group as Wonyoung smiled brightly back, waving her long arms at you in greeting.

There wasn’t enough time for a proper talk in the rush of preparations. As the two groups politely (and a little awkwardly) greeted each other, you quickly reached out, catching Wonyoung’s hand and laughing as she blew you a kiss. Thankfully, there were no cameras back here before the competitions started, so this wasn’t against the rules. You touched the familiar ring on her finger affectionately before letting go, turning back to watch her pass.

“Good luck!” She called, waving again, and you waved back.

“You too, see you later!”

“You’re so whipped,” one of your group members said with a laugh as they turned back to look at you, and you shrugged, used to the teasing by now.

“Okay, but I’m dating Wonyoung. Of course I’m whipped for her.” Energized by her touch, you moved forward with a quick step, throwing an arm around your member’s shoulder. “Let’s get ready to win some competitions!”

-

Most of the day went by uneventfully. As soon as the cameras were on, you avoided IZ*ONE and pretended you were much more interested in the competitions and fans. All ISAC recordings went by mostly the same, so you knew the script. You had all of your best reactions in store, and you knew exactly what groups to interact with to make your fans scream the most. You’d also trained enough to be confident in winning your competitions, and even if you lost, it wasn’t that big of a deal to you.

This was just ISAC. It didn’t matter that much.

Eventually, you found yourself bored enough to leave the circle of your group and wander over to the area where your fans were seated. As you approached, they began to cheer, and you grinned, waving your arms excitedly and jumping to make them cheer louder.

You would just entertain yourself this way for a while.

-

The night was almost done when your leader let out a surprised hiss and caught your wrist.

“I thought I told you not to even look at IZ*ONE,” they whispered, pulling you aside, and you raised your eyebrows, confused.

“What do you mean? I haven’t done anything.”

“Look what’s trending.” Your leader pushed their phone into your face and your mouth dropped slightly, your heart stopping.

There on the screen was your name, trending right there beside Wonyoung’s name and the names of your groups. But why? You were sure you hadn’t done anything. Had someone who worked there exposed the two of you?

“What’s going on?” You asked, feeling a little lightheaded.

“That’s what I wanted to know.”

Hesitantly, you clicked on one of the hashtags. Then your heart sank. It wasn’t an employee. It was fan photos of the matching rings.

“Well, shit,” one of your group members said, peering over your shoulder and wincing. “That’s going to be hard to dispute. Those are obviously couple rings.”

“Why would you wear a couple ring to an event like this?” Your leader said, looking a little pale, and you shuddered, shaking your head.

You really weren’t looking forward to what your manager was going to say.

-

Surprisingly. your manager actually didn’t seem too upset. Instead, he just sighed and ran his hand over his face like he’d seen this coming for ages.

“Figure it out,” he told you, “the company is breathing down my neck because they want to make a statement.”

“Aren’t they going to deny it?”

“I don’t know. They said they wanted to consult you. Plus, they’re also talking to IZ*ONE’s company about the issue.”

“Oh. I guess I’ll call Wonyoung tonight then.” You couldn’t help but feel some anxiety as your manager nodded and walked away, leaving you alone to walk into the dorm. Your members decided that the teasing could wait for the night and didn’t say anything as you headed for your room. Your roommate even settled down onto the couch, allowing you some much-appreciated privacy.

Wonyoung answered the phone after the first ring.

“I’m guessing you saw the news,” she said, her voice shaking slightly. “The fans saw our rings.”

“I saw,” you said, falling back onto your bed. “I didn’t even think before I put the ring on this morning.”

“Me neither. I didn’t think fans would notice.” She sighed and you could hear the nerves in her voice. “My manager is upset with me. But the company said it’s up to me if we want to reveal it or deny it.”

“It would be hard to deny it,” you admitted, feeling horrible. You wished there was something you could do to make her feel better. “My company said the same thing though.... What should we do?”

“I don’t know. I’m really nervous.” She sniffled on the other end of the line. “I’m too afraid to check the trending tags to see what people are saying.”

“I know. If you want, then we can deny it,” you assured her. “I’m not going to make you do anything you don’t want to do.”

For a moment, the both of you were quiet. Then she sighed. “I don’t think anyone would believe us if we denied it. And plus, I love you. I don’t want to deny that.”

Your heart swelled with affection and you bit your lip, conflicted. “I love you too. But I don’t want to do anything that might hurt you.”

“Yeah.... How do you think our fans are reacting?”

“I don’t know. I’ve been too nervous to check too. But what I saw when we looked at the hashtag earlier was all positive. And I know that people have been more accepting of idol relationships recently.”

“You’re right....”

Swallowing, you made your decision. You loved Wonyoung, and you didn’t want to hide it. And your real fans would understand that. “I’m okay with revealing it if you are. I love you so much, Wonyoung. And I’m willing to take responsibility for whatever happens in the future. I don’t want to be forced to leave your side.”

“I love you too,” she said, a slow smile showing through in her voice. “I’m scared, but I think I’m ready. Since I have you, I’m ready. Can we see each other soon? Please?”

“As soon as possible,” you promised, smiling again. “I can never stay away from you, you know that.”

She giggled. “I know. So should I tell my company to confirm it?”

“Yes.” You were confident in your decision. “I’ll tell my company too. And whatever happens we’ll brave together.” You were nervous, yes. But it would hurt worse to pretend. You were ready to face the truth, and so was she.

“Now that we have that settled, I just want to talk to you. You did amazing today,” she said, and the pressure lifted off your shoulders. You smiled and settled into your bed, feeling much more at ease. You couldn’t have asked for a better girlfriend.

“So did you. You’re always amazing, though. My wonderful, brave, amazing girlfriend.”

[popculturebuffet]

Animation Reviews: OK KO: Red Action to the Future

On to part 3 of Red Action 2 days because my schedule got nuts, and this one.. I was dragging my feet on beause I didn’t remember liking it nearly as much as the rest of the red action trilogy. Now while the same held for “Your Everyone’s Sidekick” I ended up liking that one.. this one... not so much. This one is however earlier in the season than it’s sisters in red action spotlighting: “Back in Red Action” was towards the end of season 1, while “Red Action 3: Grudgement Day” is literally the last episode before the finale arc, something i’d forgotten till today. This one is pretty early into season 2 and the why.. is really easy to figure out. For Season 2 Enid actually got a pretty intensive and long spotlight arc about her time at point prep, with rad and ko only showing up in a portion of it, so late in the season wouldn’t be fair as enid not only had the halloween episode then, but also just had a 7 episode arc basically to herself with Elodie as her co-star and rad and KO out of focus or even absent at times, so they likely did it early to prevent overloading the season with her. Granted they could’ve just had Red show up at school and done one episode there that wasn’t part of it’s overarching story, and still HINTED at the glorb doping arc while she was there, but they may also have not decided which one of the two they wanted Enid to end up with, and thus didn’t want to put her and elodie in the same space. I dunno. We’ll also be covering the POINT arc here eventually, but obviously there’s a lot of episodes to get to first, including the whole gar and carol backstory arc, before we get to that one.  And with that out of the way, let’s take a look at Red Action to the Future, under the cut. 

We open with Red playfully helping KO stock the shelves with new Double Dipped Lazer chips since, as Enid points out, it’s rad’s day off. She can also fire things in her canons , which is neat. It’s also highly noticable that she and KO are now on good terms and the two seem to be friends. Which despite their last interaction really isn’t THAT weird surprisingly: K.O.’s a forgiving kid as long as your not an out and out supervillian, and even earlier this season he was worried about Lord Boxman disappearing despite hating the guy most of the time for good reason. And with her past behind her in the future, Red is likely inclined to be more the fun kind of cool instead of an edgelord asshole, and likely apologized off screen and as we’ll see next time, she genuinely regrets her actions. That being said I do feel we could’ve had an episode with red trying to be better, but I do get the show has a lot of ground to cover, so this was an easier thing to have happen off screen.  Anyways the three are palling around, with red and enid being couply while KO panics when ENid points out his newly beloved double dip lazer chips are probably a limited time thing... ko’s wimpering “no I love them” is so relatable it hurts. But before Red can figure out KO’s snack dillema Yellow Technique yells at red to come home and help, Enid is too worried abotu pressuring her to ask her to stay, and Yellow refuses to let KO and Enid come along for reasons.. and frankly I don’t get that even with possible damage to the timeline. Besides you know, the end of this episode, we also have the fact that you guys HAVE TIME TRAVEL. If they gain a year or two, they’ll still come back and fufill their places in the timeline and you can CONTROL THAT, so if they had to stay longer than a year or needed to be back for something specific, you could bring them back and have two incredibly powerful allies for your war. The x-men have had a good handful of members from the future and look how well that turned out. Some of the time I mean Bishop did turn evil for a while and the younger cable whose around stabbed the older one and rachel went into a coma and then the future but she’s back now.... okay maybe she has a point. 

Anyways Enid regrets her decision, Red comes back for a quick break, with years having now passed, Blue shows up to yell at her to come back which seems.. harsh. Like I know she’s like Killowog, a good person whose probably murder on recurits but seems nice off duty from waht we’ve seen and her happily saying hello to enid, which makes me want an episode where they actuallyv isted the hue troop instead of this SIGH. Anyways, Enid finds a stray time capsule and goes to be honest with red

So now in the post apocalypse, Enid finds Yellow, who got seperated from red as they fight a giant version of the robots they’ve been fighting, with Red showing up just in time. But as with all giant killer robot based future’s they’ve evolved so these things have shields and Enid suggests laaunching her. So red shoots her girlfriend out of her.

And they win.. but Red refuses to let enid stay and gets huffy with her before Enid can tell her the truth and Enid leaves in a huff. Now this scene.. I really liked, from the action sequences to the fact that we see how their similarities, what attracts them to each other, is also a roadblock to them having a proper relationship. Both are stubborn, put walls up , and are reluctant to be honest with their feelings, we’ve seen that with red in the last episode and Enid in the episodes mentioned last time. They both prefer to run from their feelings and while their both growing, as you’ll see when I cover more tom lucitor stuff, it’s not that easy to just “become” a better person and sometimes old habits flair up. 

Enid regrets how things went, KO regrets not learning about chips, and we get one final red visit.. from a much older Red. i’m Dubbing her Cable!Red because A) her timeline probably still exists, it’s just not the one our red is linked to anymore nor the one the plaza future we see would create. She and enid hug and Red explains that it turns out the robots were weak to organic maatter and given they were only shooting at them, they didn’t realize it and it STILL , as shown by the fact Red is grandma age now, took years to fix and she has things to get back to with space congress, war hero stuff and all that. Also just a small note but something I only noticed this time that the episode DOES deserve credit for in my book is Kali Hawk’s voice acting as Red. Noticably with each time we see her red’s voice gets deeper and by future red she sounds entirely grown up. It’s a subtle change most probably wouldn’t of cared about aside from on old red, but it’s a nice touch that really does help theemotional part of the episode. Enid is finally honest about how she felt, and sad about it but understands.. but is also understandably still broken up when Old Woman Red Action leaves.. only for present-day.. ish time travel tenses are weird to pop up behind them has a hug with enid and flirtly says “I never left. “  Turns out Future Red decided to say Screw Destiny and told her past self to stay, what enid felt likely, or got enid to admit it or whatever, and told her to stay and enjoy her youth. She can go back and be a war hero later if she wants. And my honest guest given the Hue Troop turn up fine later is rather than callously abandon her teammates, Red’s future self simply went there for them and , to prevent a decades long war from ravaging her future, pulled a Cable and told them how to defeat the robots YEARS before they got so powerful it’d take years to beat them, as well as probably having knowledge of where they came from, how to kill them all or make peace with them or whatever, and future weapons to help even things. IT’s not an unfair assumption given that besides missing out on a future with Enid, Future Red would also not want her friends to go through untold decades of pain and death and since she changed the timeline already, there was no sense in not going all in. Also the chip thing is resolved with KO finding out they WILL be discontinued.. but replaced with triple dip instead. KO”s delighted and enid and red happily share a moment, the future is now what htey make of it. THE END.  Final Thoughts: As I made plain i’m not a fan of this one.. but in re-watch I did find things to like about it. The time travel story device was used really well,though I would’ve liked them to have old red say she was going to back instead of me having to infer it and feel, given theyd on’t show up at all next time and only show up for a cameo in the finale that the Hue Troop was vastly underulitized and coudl’ve used their own ep, and for once the cancelation dosen’t excuse this as they had the second half of season 2 to do this AND never dealt with Red, who gave up a future war for her, dealing with enid going way for what’s clearly months and was expected to be years. It’s also not very funny , which is fine if the episodes more dramatic like TKO, but for a standard ep it really didn’t quite work. It was just more dull than it should’ve been: it had an intresting hook: red slowly loosing her youth due to a future war, and Enid loosing her because of it, and Red’s cable self deciding to fix that, but it was instead a standard poor commuincation kills plot but with future robot wars. IT’s the first OK KO episode here i’ve reviewed that’s not good and honestly one of the few they had that genuinely wasn’t, and even then it had some good ideas just a flawed execution. Thankfully next time, there’sd none of that as we instead look at one of teh series very BEST episodes. IT’s grudgment day, and until then later.. today hopefully. If not tommorow. 

[palettes-and-prompts]

Prompts Based on the Song Cotard's Solution (Anatta, Dukkha, Anicca) by Will Wood & The Tapeworms

Dialogue Prompts

1) "Computer...is there any sign of life today?" "No, Ma'am/Sir. Not today." 2) "It's me and you again today computer. I suppose I should give you a name, after all it's just been me and you for the past...how many days has it been now?" "One thousand four hundred and fifty-six." "It's really been that long?" "Yes,  Sir/Ma'am." "What would you like to be called? Do you have a favorite name?" "Is Clara an acceptable name." "Yeah. I think Clara is a perfect name for you." 3) "Get the ship ready. We're making a break for it." 4) "Five thousand gold says my ship is faster than yours." "That pitiful excuse for a ship?" "If you don't believe me then race me to that floater and back." "Hah, My ship would outrun it twice before you made it back." "Don't say it if you aren't ready to put your money where your mouth is." "Fine, I'll even up the stakes. If you win I'll give you twenty thousand gold and I'll help you find your stupid diamond." "And if you win?" "I get to put that ship of yours out of its misery. Deal?" "Deal." 5) "Hey, kid?" "Yeah?" "Don't let them take you alive." 6) "Relax." "How can I relax? You've been shot!" "The bullet's not in me. Just give that alcohol would you?" "Are you going to use it to disinfect the wound?" "No. I'm going to drink it. I've just been fucking shot!" 7) "Person A?" "Yeah?" "Gun it!" "The ship doesn't have enough gas, we might not make it!" "That's a risk we're going to have to take or we're going to get killed or arrested by these bounty hunters. Now fucking gun it!" 8) "Did you just get us lost in space?" "No." "We've passed by the same asteroid ten times." "How do you know that? They all look different." "Every time we pass that asteroid you laugh and go, 'that asteroid looks like a dick!'" "It does." "I KNOW BECAUSE WE'VE PASSED IT TEN FUCKING TIMES ALREADY!" 9) "Are you high right now?" "I'm about to fucking be." "Is this cocaine?!" "No. It's space cocaine, that's why it's hot pink." "That somehow makes me more worried. What the fuck is space cocaine?" "Instead of making it with like gasoline or whatever they make it with rocket fuel and like, space crystals." "Okay, now, I'm not a doctor or a scientist but I'm actually a hundred percent certain if you snort that you will not only not wake up tomorrow, I'm not sure if you'll wake up at all." "Only one way to find out. Time to go skiing, baby!" "No don't snor--" "Fuck me this shit kicks fast." "Jesus fucking Christ you're going to die." "Don't be a buzzkill, Person A." 10) "Remember when you told me not to steal that space cat. Why did you tell me not to do that again?" "Because it's a parasite that feeds off love and can kill you if it bonds with you." "Right, yes, I remember now." "...Why do you bring it up?" "No reason." "Mhmm, and why is your jacket moving and also glowing blue along with your eyes?" "I smoked drugs." "You smoked drugs?" "You know me, I do those things." "Okay, and why is your jacket meowing?" "Because you also smoked drugs." "Did you steal the space cat?" "Are you going to yell at me?" "I honestly don't have the energy anymore. Let me take you to the hospital."

Regular Prompts

1) Person A is forgotten in space but has faith their friends will return for them. When they don't return A finds their own way to another planet, almost dying in the process, where the people there are unkind but tolerate A. Person A finds work and gains enough money to have someone search for their friends. They think something happened to their ship in space but the investigator manages to find out they didn't forget them but rather left them behind hoping they would die. A is hurt and their sadness turns to anger. A gets a weapon and learns to shoot before hiring a bounty hunter to take them and help them carry out their revenge. A then hunts their 'friends' down one by one. 2) Person A is a space racer and uses their ability to navigate through asteroid belts to steal whatever they want. When they steal a certain shipment they find a stowaway child, Person B, who had hidden in the crates. Before they can take them back the child admits they don't have a home to go back to. Person A slowly becomes a parental figure or older brother/sister figure to the child and decides to teach them everything they know including racing while continuing to tell them that space is no place for a kid. After a while Person B tells A they don't have to take care of them anymore and that they can leave them at the next planet they come to. When they get to the next planet Person A and B complete a job and A has some paperwork done while B is gathering their things. As B says goodbye, Person A tells them to get back on the ship. When they claim that Person A doesn't need them anymore, A shows Person B the paperwork showing that they're now Person B's legal guardian and that they're taking care of them now. The two hug and the story ends with them about to steal space diamonds off another ship quickly in order to take B to their first big race. 3) Person A feels lost on Earth but when they find a space ship after it crashes they find a small creature inside. When they realize it's the equivalent of an Earth toddler they search the ship for answers. The creature gets attached to A and they soon name the creature Pip. Pip is able to give abilities to Person A and allow them to read their language, which helps them realize the coordinates on screen are to find Pip's family. Person A and Pip then navigate space and end up having to make a few stops along the way to fuel up. They meet a few people who try to steal Pip because they're a creature hunted to near extinction because they're able to excrete jewels whenever they eat/drink/sweat. A is able to safely navigate through different conditions and even meet a few people who want to help along the way. They finally get to Pip's new planet and return them to their parents and A, along with their new friends, are allowed to stay on the new planet and for the first time in years A realizes they no longer feel lost. 4) A and B are two friends who grew up wanting to join their space program to travel the galaxies but find out the program is making them into perfect soldiers to fight in an alien war that no one is aware of but the people running the program. The two rebel and inform all the students of what's going on. When the teachers and instructors in charge find out they begin using a gas to brainwash people into being soldiers whether they like it or not and decide to lock down the building one way or another. A and B manage to escape on a ship with some supplies but have no idea where to go or what to do. They eventually wander far enough to find a small planet and soon they meet others who are aware of Earth's intentions to take over the galaxy as their own. A and B spend the whole time trying to get others see that Earth isn't the problem and that it's the leaders of the program who need to be stopped. They figure out a way to cancel out the effects of the gas they're using to brainwash them and they, along with an army of others set out to take down the leaders and save their friends and the galaxy. 5) A finds a crystal that's sentient. It helps them build a body from scrap parts, forming Person B. But when the body can do everything but experience touch, taste, and smell the two work together to figure out a way for B to get a human body without killing someone. They discover a lab that specializes in growing cells for transplants so people can have fully functioning arms without prosthetics and they find out there are full bodies growing in the basement that would be perfect for B. When the price is incredibly expensive they ask if there's another way to get it. The owner, Person C, tells them if they can find their kidnapped 'daughter', Polly, they'll let Person B have the body in exchange for her safe return. A and B travel and eventually find her. Her 'kidnappers' admit they took her but tell A and B they did it because C was using Polly's DNA to create the female bodies, poking and prodding her every day for more and more blood and tissue. A and B can't bring themselves to take her back to C. Person C finds them anyway and kills the kidnappers, taking Polly back to the lab. A and B decide to go back and, using one of the mechanical bodies A built B, they manage to kill Person C and save Polly. The full bodies are destroyed except for one which was made using the DNA of Polly's real mother/father. Polly tells them she doesn't remember her mother/father and that it's okay wit her if B takes it as their own. When B is human the first thing they do is hug Polly and thank her. A and B then adopt Polly and live happily together as her guardians. (Whether A and B are romantically involved is up to you.)

[horansqueenandpaynesqueen]

Next-Door Neighbours : Chapter Eleven

A Liam Fanfic, A Niall Fanfic, MA Rating

New neighbours, new drama. Sometimes what you need is the last thing you’re looking for.

CHAPTER 1 || CHAPTER 2 || CHAPTER 3 || CHAPTER 4 || CHAPTER 5 || CHAPTER 6 || CHAPTER 7 || CHAPTER 8 || CHAPTER 9 || CHAPTER 10 ||

+NOTES+

1- This fic is written by Julie ( @paynesqueen​ ) & Livia ( @horansqueen​ ) 2- Julie will write the odd chapters and Livia the even chapters 3- This fic will have romance, drama and smut.

Chapter Eleven by Julie (paynesqueen)

It was everything she thought it would be like and she hated that; she wished he had been a bad kisser or that there wouldn’t have been any sparks when he kissed her. But the moment his lips crashed on hers, she was lost. The kiss was long due and it showed as he pulled her to him and she just melted into it. It took a moment before she finally pushed him away and succeeded to put some distance between.

“This can’t happen again, Liam.” She said licking her lips. “You’re with Lisa and that’s that.”

“Just like that? Julie there is something between us. Aren’t you just a bit curious to see where it could lead? Why do you always have to be scared of what you can’t control?” He exclaimed annoyed with her reluctance.

“This isn’t about that, Liam. If things would have been different maybe we could... but now we can’t. We just can’t.”

“Give me one good reason that isn’t because I’m with Lisa. As much as it would suck for me to dump her days after getting back together, I think that you’re making this a bigger issue than it is.” He argued.

“Because I helped Lisa winning you back.” She shouted.

For a moment, Liam just stared at her without saying anything. He expected a lot of replies from her, but never this one. He was trying to make sense of what she just said. There was no way she could have done what she said, right?

“H-how?” That’s all he could let out.

“She came by the building a few days after you moved in. She introduced herself to me wondering if I knew who you were. Told her yes and that we were sort of like new friends. We ended up talking and she told me what happened between the two of you and she really wanted you back so I offered to help her. I mean, I didn’t tell her what to do or say, but I tried to give her some advices.” She answered him as she paced the sidewalk.

He grabbed her hand to stop her and she looked at him. He didn’t ask why she did because he knew the reasons; the same reasons she has given him since they first met: she didn’t believe in relationships.

“Imagine you dumping her and she ends up finding out it was because of me. No, I can’t be the reason you decided to end things. You need to go through with that second chance, Liam. I don’t know the future, but I know Lisa and you deserve to see it to the end; no matter what is that end. That’s why this can’t happen again.”

She withdrew her hand from his and ran into the building. He just stood there watching her until he could no longer see her. He understood her point of view, but it didn’t matter. He wanted to be with Julie and that no matter what happened, he knew his future wasn’t going to be with Lisa. He took out his cell and dialled the number he knew by heart.

++++

A few days had passed and Julie felt like a car had run over her. She had called in sick not feeling like being surrounded by people, especially happy couples booking their romantic getaway. Yes, it was petty but right now, she just felt numb and didn’t want to deal with anything. She hated feeling this way for a guy she had known for a short period of time. She was sitting on the couch just staring in space when her sister appeared in her view. Livia had been trying to get her to talk, but she clammed up. She wasn’t ready to talk about the mess she was in; a mess she created but still.

“I could cancel you know. Louis would understand.”

If Livia ended up not going to this weekend getaway with Louis because of her, her best friend was so going to kill her. Plus, she really didn’t need a sitter. Being alone was what she did best after all.

“No. You are going with Louis. I’m a big girl, Liv. I’ll get over it.” She assured her.

“Julz, I have never seen you like this before and even though I know its normal behavior, it’s scarier when it comes from a sister who always acted like she had a cold heart.” She had argued.

“Don’t worry about me. I’ll be fine. Just need some time for myself. I’ll be back to be the cold hearted one before you know it.”

“I hope not. I want you to be happy and I think it’s time that you let someone make you happy. I mean, maybe it won’t be Liam, but you deserve someone who will sweep you off your feet.”

“So do you, sis. I hope you find the answer you’re searching for.” Julie replied before hugging her. “Now go before Louis actually believes you changed your mind.”

And with that, Livia was gone and now the apartment felt emptier. She sat on the couch wondering which movie marathon she was going to indulge herself with for the weekend when her phone rang. She saw Liam’s name on it and she quickly turned off her cell. Liam had called her a few times since that night, but she ignored each of his calls.

She needed time to be able to pull herself back into some kind of protective shell. She was willing to admit that she often wanted to say screw it and just go to Liam and ask him to break things up with Lisa, but she restrained herself. She felt like she was punishing herself for her role in this story. Perhaps if she hadn’t been so afraid of what he could do to her walls, maybe she and Liam would be somewhat casually dating right now or maybe not. Maybe they would have slept together and be done with it.

She was debating between eating ice cream and making a pizza when there was a knock on the door. When she opened it, she stood there frozen.

“Hey Julie!” Lisa said. “Mind if I come in?”

Julie’s heart was suddenly beating faster and as she tried to put on her poker face, she let Liam’s girlfriend in. She wasn’t sure what she was doing at her place and she really hoped it wasn’t for more advices because she didn’t think she would be able to do so.

“What’s going on?”

“Liam broke up with me because of you.” She went straight to the point.

“I-”

“Don’t bother with you didn’t do anything and all that crap. I know you didn’t. It is how it is and Liam explained to me your situation. I mean, I can’t blame you for falling for Liam no more than I can blame you because Liam fell for you. I just wanted to make things clear with you.” She added. “We talked for hours after he told me and I realized that we both held on to this second chance for the wrong reasons. I’m not saying it doesn’t hurt or that I no longer love him, but I think that this second chance was never meant to be.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. Look Julie I’m not gonna lie that when he told me why he was breaking up with me, I was mad at you. I was ready to come here and hit you for lying to me. I was fucking upset about it, but Liam explained to me and I’m not saying that I’m totally cool with you, but I can understand your reasons for helping me.” She sighed. “By helping me, you were helping yourself to avoid having to deal with your feelings.”

“When I helped you, Lisa, I didn’t even know what I felt for Liam. To be honest, I knew it was stronger than what I usually allowed myself to feel, but I didn’t know just how much. When you came to me, I only knew him for a few days and the way he spoke about you, I knew he still loved you so I thought it was my chance to make sure I wouldn’t have to find out. It hit me pretty hard just how much I did care about him when I learned you two got back together. I’m still not sure what to do with it. I didn’t want to be the reason you two broke-up.”

Lisa let out a small laugh; “But you are. I mean, he told me how you fought him about how he should be staying with me and all that crap, but in the end, it wouldn’t have done us any good to continue being together when all he thought about was you. I know you wanted to do the right thing, but honestly, if Liam hadn’t decided to ignore your demand, we might have had a worse break-up than the first one.”

She might have been right, but Julie really believed in what she told Liam that night. Right now, she wasn’t sure if she was happy or sad that he didn’t listen to her. She felt so exposed and she didn’t like it one bit. She wasn’t used anymore to show her raw emotions.

“Look, I’m not here to give you my blessings because it’s really isn’t up to me what happens next between you two, but I wanted to let you know that I knew. Because knowing Liam, he was probably going to forget to tell you that and I feared that you wouldn’t give him a chance if you thought you were betraying me or something.” Lisa went on. “So overall, the reason why I came over is to make sure that all of this wasn’t for nothing.”

Julie looked down at her hands because she didn’t know what to say. She didn’t know whether she was relief or not that it was all in the open like this.

“I don’t know what happened to you or if something happened to you for you to fear relationships so badly, but if there is only one advice I can give you is that Liam is worth getting over your fear. So next time, just answer his calls or better yet, go to him.”

And with that Lisa left her apartment. Julie stood in the middle of her living room for a while after she was gone. For the first time since she met Liam, there was nothing actually stopping her from pursuing this besides her own fears. But Lisa was probably right; she should give Liam a chance. Maybe it wasn’t going to last since the sexual tension had been so present that maybe once it’s gone, Liam and her won’t have anything left keeping them together. She snorted, slightly aware that she was sure fishing for a new reason to not go knock on his door.

“I guess if I’m going to see Liam, I better shower.”

++++

Liam was growing more and more impatient, but Lisa told him to trust her and even though most normal guys wouldn’t trust their ex-girlfriends to help out, he trusted Lisa. He just hated not knowing how she planned to help him out with Julie. He called Julie quite a few times since that kiss and each time, he wanted to tell her that it was over with Lisa; that he chose her, but he didn’t want it to be said over the some voicemail. He wanted to tell her in person.

Telling Lisa everything had been hard. It was a really long conversation that he hopes he never has to redo. He could tell that she went through a lot of emotions. She cussed him and she cried and eventually, she seemed somewhat at peace with his decision. It was probably the most honest talk they ever had. He hadn’t asked for her help with Julie, but she insisted. She promised that she wasn’t trying to double cross him and he believed her. A part of him would always love her that’s for sure, but his heart was fully open for a new beginning; one he hoped was going to be with Julie.

He was seconds of just saying fuck off and going to knock on Julie’s door when there was a knock on his. He never got up so quickly in his life to answer the door. Julie stood on the other side looking so unsure that it made him feel even more nervous of the outcome.

“Hi!” She said. “Can I come in?”

He didn’t say anything, but he opened the door wider and she came in. She looked so unease that he feared why she was there.

“Lisa came to see me today.” She finally spoke. “Told me you told her that I was the reason you were breaking up with her which I might say was really a stupid move of your part.”

“I’m so-” He started and then realized he was not sorry. He had said what he had said; “No, I’m not sorry actually. You were once again deciding what you thought was best for me without even thinking that maybe continuing my relationship with Lisa was a big mistake. I’m crazy about you or at least you drive me enough crazy that you’re all I’m thinking about. I don’t know what the future looks like. Maybe in a week, we would be both bored out of our mind with each other, but I’d like to try and see where it could lead us. So no, I’m really am not sorry that I broke up with Lisa and told her the reason why.”

She didn’t say anything and he hated it. He couldn’t read her face at that moment and it felt like an eternity before she finally did something. As she wrapped her arms around his neck, she let her gesture say what she couldn’t say. When she pulled his face towards her, he showed no resistance; wanting this kiss as much as her. This kiss was just as intense, as demanding as their first one. His hands found their way around her waist and closing any gap that could still be between their bodies, deepening the kiss. Soon enough though, he needed more than just kiss her and he was fairly certain that she felt the same way. He lowered his hand until they reached her bum and in a quick movement, lifted her from the ground. With some uncoordinated moves, he succeeded to bring them to his bedroom where he lowered them on the bed.

He groaned against her mouth as he was dry humping her like an eager teenager. He wanted her so badly that he didn’t know where to start. He wanted to be inside her so much, but he also wanted her to beg for him. She seemed just has in a hurry as him to get this started as her hands grabbed the hem of his shirt to pull it off.

He pulled away to help out and as he looked at her, he knew he needed to hear her say the words. He needed to know for sure if only to know that this wasn’t a one-time thing.

“So we are trying?”

“We’re trying.” She smiled before pulling him back over her.

[kathyprior4200]

Inside Alastor’s Head (sensitive content warning)

Part 1

 “Use the princess to convince Lucifer to hand over Hell to me. Get to know Charlie and her family, see how this so called Happy Hotel works. I can’t wait to see her face when she realizes it’s actually the Hazbin Hotel. Has a better ring to it, anyway. May as well speed up the process by bringing in Niffty and making grumpy Husk join in. It’ll be everything Charlie’s dreamed of…and when it all blows up in her face, I’ll be enjoying my popcorn.”

 “So Charlie likes music and dancing, too? How marvelous! These hotel residents can enjoy my singing and illusion magic. (They won’t know what’s coming next.)”

 “Who, me? Evil? Why would you think that? It’s totally unlike me to broadcast my massacre of demon citizens who stand in my way. (Except it is.) Man, seeing them running and sacred…reminds me of game I used to hunt when I was alive.”

 “The demon princess wants to redeem sinners. Ha! Probably the silliest claim I’ve ever heard. A nice refresher from the usual grim news on the Picture Show. Her singing was a nice bonus. Oh, the good old days of being on the air…basking in the attention and glory. I told jokes, advertised shows, announced fun events. I even got to report on murders for the news, probably my favorite part. Soooo close to being able to advertise Jambalaya. Several other announcers got the part, so I wore a disguise, snuck in one day and sliced their heads off. Still loved the expressions on their faces. Here in Hell, I have no opponents in the radio business. ”

 “Those overlords look scary and cocky, but they’ve heard the tales of me…they’re scared deep down, for good reason. Sir Pentious didn’t stand a chance when I summoned black tentacles to wrap around him and his ship. Along with my powers, I have shadowy spirits to do my bidding. That’s why you can sometimes see them when I attack. You don’t need brute force and insults to win someone over. All it takes sometimes is some illusions, a little help from the Loa…and just smiling all the way through.”

 “My microphone cane surly comes in handy. It’s what allows me to project events in front of me and broadcast them on the radio. It has a life of its own, but I’m in control, of course. All part of the magic deal with the Loa.”

 “I enjoyed watching the picture show and going to the circus when I was a boy. Watching the animals and the performers was lots of fun. I may have burned down the circus tent after being rejected from a comedian role. But it was only an accident: my fingers slipped when I was getting cigarettes for father. Whenever I got sad, my mother told me “You’re never fully dressed without a smile.” Her motto still rings true to this day.”

 “I enjoyed hunting deer in my human life, yet I also feel some connection to the animal. They’re majestic, agile, and are free to travel pretty much anywhere. Though they’re often attacked by hunting dogs…or in my case, police dogs. The beasts mauled me just before I died. It was back in 1933. Thus, for my so called evil deeds, I arrived down here in Hell. And I gotta say, it’s quite a fun place to be!”

  “Sex and romance don’t interest me. Don’t get me wrong; Charlie is a charming demon belle, and Vaggie is adorable and feisty…but they’re just a means to an end. Maybe I’m too self-absorbed to want to deal with being judged by others. More fun, less responsibilities when you’re on your own. Though, I’ll admit, I did meet a lovely lady in my human life, but, certain circumstances led to a tragic end. Don’t get me started on Angel’s disturbing sexual remarks. That gross stuff makes my skin crawl. (Heh, that stuff bothers me but seeing the blood of my victims does not. Go figure.)”

 “When I smile and touch people, I’m in control. It’s the quickest and obvious way to show my dominance. Frowning shows doubt, weakness, and I can’t afford to appear weak. When other’s try to touch me, it’s always unexpected. I can never tell what it will feel like on me. My space, my rules. Touch me too much, and I hate it. Like when he…my father…did things to me…in front of mom. Abuse, molest, he did it to both of us when the drinks were in his system. You can see why I was shocked and overjoyed when I finally stabbed the life out of him. I fled into the woods in the hours before dawn, the police hot on my tail. Saw the faces of deer before I got shot in the head. The dogs came upon me and…nothing.”

 “I got my love of cooking from my mum. One of her favorite things to make was jambalaya. A tasty cuisine of rice, chicken, sausage, shrimp, a whole bundle of things. She added so much spice to it (and accidentally burned herself making it), it almost killed her. I thought it was fabulous, the heat invigorating to my taste buds. The secret spices she used by accident? Ghost peppers and Wasabi. It reminds me of home in New Orleans…a world of music, daily life, and alas, racism. People who didn’t know me at the radio station, white people and sometimes black people, badmouthing me for my mixed Creole heritage. Once I perfected my shooting with my rifle, well…they got what they deserved in the dead of night.”

 “Ah, I loved the stock market crash of 1929! There were so many orphans, so many kids in distress! Perhaps it made me feel better to know that there were those who had it worse than me. I’ve had my share of bad luck, it was about time for others to experience some of their own.”

 “I sometimes kill people at random, when I’m especially mad. It’s sort of like a game: the more you kill, the more dominant you’ll appear. I’m not fond of killing innocent children or chasing people, I mostly prefer to catch people off guard. To slaughter them behind the curtain, if you will. I would never rape or eat another person…such uncouth, disgusting behavior. Chasing my victims takes too long. Best to go at my own pace and decide their fate for them. But no worries; for women and innocent strangers, I make their deaths as painless as I can. Gotta keep being a gentlemen in some aspects.”

  “Voodoo had been practiced by my ancestors, way back in Africa. I read about the Loas and many of them were just like me: well-dressed, powerful, lovers of food, wine, the good life. From what was passed down to me, I was able to communicate with them. They granted me their powers to use in my afterlife…but only if I was willing to suffer an “early, gruesome death,” along with the loss of a potential lady partner… you know the rest. I know some of the symbols and they provide me with visualization of the spells I want to conjure.”

 “Singing, swing music, the radio, dancing, and dad jokes…those hobbies brought light to my otherwise mundane, grim human life. Even if other people don’t find those jokes funny, I always get a kick out of them. They’re so simple…a basic for any comedian. Though I do wish I knew how to tap dance. Maybe my magic can help me out...”

  Part 2 (Sensitive Content Warning)

 “Hello mortal humans, wherever you may live. For those who may not know me, I’m Alastor, the Radio Demon from Hell. Thank you for tuning in to 66.6FM, the only radio station in Hell and the only one I can talk into in your world.

 You may be thinking, demons aren’t real. Hell and Heaven aren’t real. He’s probably just using a low radio voice for effect. Well in a way I am, (laughs). But I can assure you…I’m very much real, though not really alive anymore. You see, with the help of some imps from Immediate Murder Professionals, my shadow has access to portals from Hell to Earth. He is Rotsala, and he can travel through radios like I can. He’s been lurking everywhere; in your car radios, those alarm clock radios you have in your homes. And recently, (with Vox’s help), he’s figured out how to access online podcasts, if that’s what they’re called. Thanks to him, I’ve gotten updates on your modern world. It’s very strange and very wild…I’ll never really understand it. Mostly because I’m from the early 1900s and I’ve been in Hell for decades.

 Now, if you remember from last time, I discussed my thoughts on the Hazbin Hotel in Hell and Charlie. About how she was a lovely friend and you she would be of great use to me to take her father’s place on the throne. And you got a glimpse of my love of cooking, sewing, singing dancing, along with the obvious killing and eating people part. I could talk for hours about myself, but not this time. On this broadcast, I’m here to talk about all of you.”

 “No, no, no, don’t try and turn the radio off. I have it stuck on full volume, so much that even covering your ears won’t do. You probably already know that I constantly smile to show my dominance and power. Frowning indicates weakness. But…I have learned there are a few exceptions when it comes to showing other emotions. I am…actually upset. Very rarely do you find me in this state. So unless you want my shadow to rip you apart from your insides, I suggest you listen very, very, carefully.”

 “First, let’s discuss this global pandemic that you all are dealing with right now. You refer to it as the corona virus or Covid 19. It seems that everywhere, people are dying right and left as this virus rapidly spreads. Jobs are being lost, entertainment sites shut down, people stuck in their homes for months, wondering if they’ll make it through all this.”

 “I’ll admit, this pandemic is just as entertaining as the Stock Market Crash of 1929. So many orphans, so many hungry people waiting in line for food, or not being able to be with their loved ones. Mostly it’s fun to watch because I’m already dead and I like watching others suffer. (sighs)”

  “But yes, it’s also a mixed bag. When I took a peek at modern New Orleans I was frankly stunned like a deer in the headlights. (audience laughter). How utterly lifeless it was! Bands not playing live anymore, restaurants closed. Even more shocking, Mardi Gras was cancelled! I grew up with the parades and the laughter and music in my previous life. To have all that taken away…I might as well have died sooner. It really is a shame how we take everyday life for granted…we’re not concerned about death or loss until it hits us right in the face. Trust me, I’ve been there. Back when the 1918 Spanish Flu killed my mother. Back when I cried at her gravestone even with a large smile on my face. That day that I lost all sense of humanity and became the demon I was destined to be.”

 “But what of you folks? You wear facemasks every day, you wash your hands, you pray every day that somehow, you and your families and friends and loved ones will get through it in several years. Maybe you will. Maybe you won’t. One good thing about the pandemic: the enforcement of the six foot rule. Social distancing is essential, and I think it should be mandatory in Hell! I hate being tainted and touched, that’s why I wear my gloves all the time. If only Angel Dust had that rule drilled into his head, it would make my afterlife so much easier. I always wash my hands before and after cooking, and especially after getting my victims blood all over them. You should too. Pure common sense. You can never be too clean and careful no matter where you are.  But enough about that.”

  “Hell is being more overpopulated than usual, and now I can see why. Thousands of people dying and being sent down here…I bet that stuffy hothead Stolas is having a party now that he’s not lonely anymore. You all are careless fools. You huddle close together during protests or pool parties or fight each other in grocery stores. All you think about is yourselves, hording toilet paper and food and not thinking of those who might actually need it more than you.”

  “That drama gets old fast, even for me.”

 “Many believe they have their rights taken away just because they can’t go to the Picture Shows anymore. Well let me tell you this: nurses, teachers, policemen, caregivers…they’re all risking their lives on the front line trying to heal others and slow down the spread of the virus. They witness deaths all the time and for every person they don’t manage to save, they feel guilt that will weight them down for weeks, months or even years. And the majority of you laze around, too absorbed in your own worlds to take notice.”

 “Want something to do to cure your agonizing boredom? Well, sadly, killing and cannibalism isn’t recommended as you would put your health at risk. But you can try new recipes at home. Learn how to make classic foods, especially good Creole dishes like Jambalaya. If you can make it better than me and my mother, I’d be impressed but we all know that’s not going to happen. Sing along to some songs. Listen to the radio. Watch some classic musicals.”

“Or for the online folk, watch the Hazbin Hotel! Make art and stories about me torturing my enemies. Laugh at all those who ship me with other characters because we know that I’m not interested in sex and romance. But to be heard…those who attack other people in the fandom over tying me down with Charlie and Angel and whoever else…stop it. Enough is enough. Respect other people’s fan works and let them indulge in their crazy imaginations. I belong to no one and I will befriend and flirt with others however I see fit. “Some asexuals and aromantics can still fall in love and enjoy sex.” Yes, that’s true, but my standards are different. Back to the virus…there are some people that deserve to get sick from it. The whole world could get infected and die but I’ll still be thriving in Hell…provided that I don’t get killed.”

 “I don’t really care about any of you. I’m just here to bring you the harsh truth. Doctors and essential workers are trying their hardest to make sure you all and enjoy your mundane lives. There’s no need to glorify them as heroes either. Just treat them with respect and move on. Patience is a virtue…I know that many of you need to go back to work, but putting others and the community at risk will just create an ongoing vicious cycle of misery. But if you want to expose yourself in the name of “making America great again” or wherever else you are, then be my guest. I’m always up for more prey to hunt down here.”

 “Now, onto the second topic: protests. Believe it or not, I, too, was saddened and shocked by the death of African American mortal George Floyd. He’s up in Heaven, not with me, so don’t fret.”

 “Yes, I’m entertained by the violence, cars setting on fire, the screams and yells, very thrilling! But to be honest, sometimes I feel safer in Hell in comparison to what’s going on in your world…and that’s saying something.”

 “All the riots going on, protesters being sprayed with teargas, being hit with batons. Looting, shooting, all of this madness going on. Charlie says that inside every demon is a rainbow, but I say inside every demon is a lost cause. Perhaps we’re both right. Though they’re may be some good inside everyone, we’re all imperfect lost causes. We’re subject to sin, violence, discrimination, and endless chaos. We are failures. It’s inevitable. There was no hope for me, and now there’s no hope for any of you.”

 “Police brutality needs to end. They are supposed to protect you folk, not use power to push everyone back for no reason. The rioters who looted stores, set cars on fire and put others in danger like that, need to take full responsibility for their actions. They don’t need to unleash their pain and rage onto the city and others. Killing and chaos is my job, no theirs.”

  “Racism, sexism, homophobia, they’ve been around since mankind became civilized. Black Lives do Matter. Those who have been downtrodden, beaten up, pushed to the side like dirt, need to have their voices heard. Otherwise, those in power will keep using and abusing their power and authority until there’s nobody left.”

 “Just take those white police and your president for example. The policeman arresting George Floyd and pressed a knee onto his neck for no apparent reason, other than he was a person of color who so happened to be caught doing something wrong, at least to them. He kept saying “I can’t breathe” and no one stepped in to stop the situation. The policeman was arrested but that’s a mere slap on the wrist in comparison to a life lost. The cops involved need to experience the same fate.”

 “And don’t even get me started on this Trump. A narcissist who sees himself as America’s God and has a cult of brainwashed voters and supporters. One who throws tantrums whenever someone disagrees with him. He sees women as sex objects and minority groups as tools and trash to be disposed of. Tear-gasing innocent protesters while holding a Bible posing for pictures. Satan himself would be shaking his head at this. Life on Earth was Hell for me and apparently it’s gotten even worse.”

 “And not to mention Trump boastfully claiming that he’d unleash vicious dogs and military force on protesters. Only a few people would see that he inadvertently made a reference to when African Americans and ethnically diverse people were attacked by police dogs when protesting and trying to make their lives better. As a biracial French Creole who was mauled to death by dogs, I’m offended and appalled.”  

 “Oh but I’m just a fictional character who can love or hate anybody. I bet I love Trump and Angel and world suffering and sex just because I’m a crazy furry demon. Right? Right?”

 *intense static and screeches*

 “GROW UP. WAKE UP. IF YOU THINK ANY OF THOSE THOUGHTS, THERE’S A SPECIAL CIRCLE IN HELL FOR YOU.”

 (deep breath) “Apologies.”

  “All Lives Matter? Wrong. A pathetic way to derail from the main problem and include white people so they can play the victim. The truth is, no lives matter except my own. Second to my life is my mom, Charlie and her friends. (Except Angel). Charlie’s project of rehabilitating sinners will eventually come to an end when humanity suffers a Greater Depression and all fall down into Hell. I have all of eternity to witness the end.”

  “Onto the last topic. You know that I secretly desire to take over Hell and spread chaos to Earth and Heaven, yes? If Charlie behaves, she’ll get to rule by my side along with Husk, Niffty, Mimzy and Rosie. Will that happen? Who knows? You’ll have to stay tuned for the next episode, if it even comes. (laughs). You’ll never know what happens next, just that everyone enjoyed my jambalaya at the hotel.”

 “Oh dear, did I strike a sensitive nerve? Did that hurt your insides and your mind more than our previous topics? You’re even more pathetic than I thought.”

 “But have you ever considered any underlying reasons as to why I enjoy spreading chaos and destruction? I may not be God but I do have god-like powers.”

 “The obvious answer? Sheer absolute boredom! I’m always seeking new forms of entertainment to enjoy. And what better way to do that then to watch sinners scream and tremble at my presence? Of course, I would always like my friends to smile and have fun with me, singing dancing, making deals, or whatever.”

 “But let’s say I was God? Why send Exterminators to reap Hell of demons every year. To curb overpopulation, yes, but to also remind demons of their place. God and the angels and the chosen reside in “paradise.” Only those who are fully “good” and devoted to helping others and believing in God can enter. It’s the perfect fear tactic: remind demons that they are lost causes who deserve to suffer and potentially met their end.”

 “Perhaps I do want to help Charlie with the hotel. Not just for entertainment but to introduce her to the way real life works. Seeing others fail will happen no matter what and that will be a pleasing sight. Demons reside in Hell due to the lives they’ve lived before. There’s no undoing what is done. Even if she does manage to redeem a sinner or two, there will always be those who try to claw their way up and then tumble back down to failure. I am a deal-maker, perhaps the most untrustworthy one in Hell. I want to test others, see how powerful and smart they really are.”

 “This all ties in to a larger lesson that is bigger than any of us can comprehend. With the pleasures of drugs, sex, killings and sin, comes the cost of knowing you are seen as outcasts deserving of death by those in the heavens. Whether it’s Angels, Exterminators, Overlords or people in politics and management, the elite have always used power, fear, rules, and any means necessary to keep people in line in the name of “order” and “God’s will.”  Lucifer would explain this better than me as he has centuries of experience. I’m willing to bet that Charlie will learn this the hard way, sending off sinners to “paradise,” only to find that she and her parents are stuck down here forever. Earth is between Heaven and Hell; it is full of good and evil, the sins and freedoms of Hell but also the passiveness and illusions and sheep mentality of Heaven. It’s all too easy to blame others and deny what’s going on around you. Go to Heaven for an enlightened life and forget about the criminals, the homeless, and the misfits below your feet.”

 “Let me tell you what my name means. It means “tormentor,” “avenger.” I’m a seeker of entertainment who loves to torment others to boast my status. But I am also one of vengeance. Retaliation against anyone who takes advantage of others. Those in Heaven, Vox, Valentino, Lucifer, my father, all of those who treated me like dirt for who I was… my magic is there to benefit myself…but it is all used to teach others a deeper lesson in mortality and what one believes.”

 “And me being an anti-hero could somehow lead to my redemption? Ha! No. As long as more episodes don’t come on the air, then I will continue my rampages and broadcasts in Hell. And if anyone lays a hand on me, my mother, or Charlie and my friends, then they will wish they had met their fate from the virus instead.”

 “Agree or disagree with me. I don’t care. Thank you for listening and as always, stay tuned.”

[darkpoisonouslove]

Valtor and Griffin as a single parent AU! (quarantine has been killing me😭)

Aww, I’m so sorry, hon! And I feel you. I’ve barely been outside for the past 8 days and I’m starting to get antsy myself. I got some things done today that I’ve been putting off for literal months and I felt a bit better but idk how long that will last. Which is why burying ourselves in AUs seems like the best solution. XD

I actually do have an AU (my fashion designer AU) in which Griffin is a single parent to Darcy so I’ll just set these in there when Valtor needs to interact with the 9-year-old girl because of his joined work with her mom.

1. Valtor isn’t charmed when his work with Griffin is interrupted by a little girl running into Griffin’s office. But then he’s shocked when he learns that’s her daughter. He didn’t know she had a daughter. Griffin is a hell beast when it comes to her privacy and she does everything to make sure her daughter’s face, name or even existence won’t end up in all the tabloids. She’s mostly managed to keep the girl away from the media and not everyone in her circles knows that she has a daughter. It is definitely a surprise to Valtor. Even more so when he’s met with a frown and gets stared down by the little girl. Darcy is super protective of her mama because she’s scared of losing her and she does her best to make Valtor leave before Griffin tells her that they have urgent work they need to get done. Darcy only relents when Griffin allows her to stay with them which is about the worst news for Valtor in the situation but she is surprisingly quiet and disciplined and he even forgets she’s there until she compliments him on how well he draws. Valtor can’t quite return the compliment and needs to bite his tongue when he sees her drawing so as to not call it ugly. Griffin notices, of course, and looks grateful that he managed to hold back and not offend her daughter. (there’s more going on in this scene but I’ll keep some surprises for the actual AU (if I can ever get to writing it) since I also haven’t thought it all out yet).

2. Griffin calls Valtor to cancel a work meeting because Darcy isn’t feeling well and she needs to stay home with her. Valtor offers to go to her house and work there and Griffin accepts, not because she’s too comfortable with him but because they really need to work to meet their deadline. Darcy seems rather happy to see Valtor considering her behavior the last time. It turns out it is because she drew him a present and she wanted to give it to him. Valtor expects the same unrefined figures as last time but instead he finds the intricate pattern of the vest he wore last time almost perfectly replicated. Griffin smirks at his stunned expression and he has to admit that Darcy has an eye for details. The kid lights up at that and Griffin has to bribe her with promises of pancakes in the morning to make her go to bed since it’s late and she doesn’t feel well anyway. She shouldn’t have been up at all but she was excited Valtor was coming because she’d wanted to give him the present in person for ages now. Valtor feels oddly flattered before this deep sadness takes over him when Griffin promises she’ll be back as soon as she reads Darcy a bedtime story. He tries not to think about the fact that the only bedtime stories he ever got were those his own imagination would come up with. He might have gotten the inspiration for some of his models from there so he’s glad he had them. Griffin does come back down but she can’t seem to focus when she’s worried for her child and also tired and Valtor tells her to go get some rest and that he’ll work on the dress and they can discuss his progress some of the following days. Griffin thanks him so heatedly that he even starts feeling uncomfortable but he’s still glad he managed to make her feel a bit better (they started out really disliking each other) as it looks like she has enough on her mind already and he has to admit he admires her for always having everything under control when she has so many things to think about.

3. Griffin and Valtor are working at Griffin’s office when Ediltrude calls and starts talking, not even giving Griffin the opportunity to tell her she’s on speaker and Valtor is there. It is Valtor himself who interrupts her but not before he hears that she wants to tell Griffin about some man she’s found who’ll go out with her despite the fact that she’s a single mother to a small child. Ediltrude says she’ll call later to give details and Griffin ends the call after telling her she can keep her details. Valtor isn’t surprised by the poor history of Griffin’s dating life now that she has Darcy - he was more surprised by the fact that Griffin didn’t immediately try to switch the topic and opted to share instead - but it still hit hard to learn that the fact that she’s a mother pushes people away (and he might feel a little guilty because that would have been him, too, if he’d been dating Griffin instead of working with her). Not that she gives him a lot of time to feel sorry for her. She tells him that it’s better that way because her daughter is the most important person to her in the whole world and she’d gladly trade any man she could date for her daughter’s happiness. That also seems to hit Valtor hard when he realizes that he could easily trade all of the people he’s ever been with, too, but he doesn’t have anybody to do that for. He’s all alone. The atmosphere gets heavy and he is more than grateful for Darcy barging in on them again. He’s definitely surprised when Darcy starts begging Griffin to have him over for dinner but he still agrees to go. Even more so when Griffin decides to set the dinner on the day Ediltrude was trying to set up a date for her. And Darcy doesn’t miss to tell him that it’s his turn to bring her a present, making Griffin chastise her for that but he’s actually amused and promises he’ll bring one.

4. Valtor does bring her a present when he comes to visit. It’s a painting of a big purple dragon protecting its little dragon and Darcy doesn’t falter even for a moment before dubbing the mother Griffin and the little dragon Darcy making Valtor laugh and say that that’s exactly what had given him the idea for the painting since Darcy already seems to be fierce just like her mother. Griffin rolls her eyes but still thanks him for the painting and says she’ll hang it in Darcy’s room. They have pizza since Darcy insisted even though Griffin had set out to cook but even Valtor has already learned that when Darcy wants something, she knows how to get it. Griffin did make cookies, though, which Darcy convinces Valtor to try since she was scandalized when she learned he doesn’t eat sweets. He joked that he couldn’t tell if it tasted that good because he couldn’t remember the last time he’d eaten something sweet or because Griffin was a miracle in the kitchen and the only reason Darcy didn’t throw a cookie in his face was because she didn’t want to waste the delicious treats on him (and also because Griffin threatened to ground her if she did before she also scolded Valtor for prompting her daughter to start a food fight). Valtor also had some chocolate milk with the cookies per Darcy’s insistence and he could swear he was feeling the sugar poisoning starting to take hold but he still got the cookies Griffin offered to pack him for home. He didn’t think he’d eaten home cooked anything before and they were delicious, after all. He had another shock when Darcy asked him to braid her hair while Griffin was doing the dishes. He didn’t know how so Darcy made them switch so that she was braiding his hair that was long enough for that. Griffin was definitely fighting a laugh when she saw the end result but Darcy was glowing so he did his best not to grumble too much. He had to admit he had a fun and very fresh evening that was very different from anything else he’d done before. And Griffin was saved from the blind date disaster so it was a win for all.

5. Valtor was more than surprised when Darcy showed up in his office one day when she was supposed to be at school. She told him she’d ran away because she needed to ask him something. He called Griffin to let her know Darcy was with him which he was assured was the right thing when he heard how worried she was and how she calmed down when she learned where her daughter was. Darcy did tell him what she’d come for, though, before Griffin came to get her. Griffin apologized for the inconvenience and ushered Darcy out of his office before he managed to tell her it wasn’t a problem. He did get to work on what Darcy wanted, though, and a few weeks later when it was ready, he and Darcy showed it to Griffin. It was a dress that was Darcy’s idea and Valtor’s design and was for the event Griffin and Valtor were working together for. It had flame motifs in indigo that burned into the black fabric littered with gems above them that looked like small stars and the cut on the back made it look like small dragon wings were attached to it. Griffin was absolutely touched and kicked them out to gather herself before officially accepting the dress that she wore proudly at the event, of course. And Valtor felt some of her happiness seep into him and make him feel proud of his work for the first time in years.

Okay, that got long again. I can’t seem to be able to keep these under control. Hope you liked it!

[atopearth]

Fate/stay night Réalta Nua Part 4 - Unlimited Blade Works Route (2/2)

Day 11-16 Omggg I love their date! Saber is there as well but I think it’s so adorable how Saber is on Rin’s side most of the time, and it’s so cute how Saber loves to eat different things haha. I think the funniest was when Saber hated losing to them in the batting cage so they had to play a lot of games hahaha. But I guess, through the dialogue, I can kinda understand more of why Shirou was always insistent on Saber not fighting in the Fate route. Saber is actually smaller than Rin and she’s apparently weaker than them physically as well if she’s not using her magic power! She must be pretty small then! And omggg lmaooo when Shirou figured out the mystery of the stolen loaf of bread🤣🤣 Shirou thought Rin took it as a late night snack and ate up the whole loaf when she actually used it to make them lunch hahahaha. Honestly, it was really sweet of Rin to plan such a day so that Shirou could relax and have fun, especially since he’s never really found anything fun for a long time and he doesn’t even think he deserves to have fun at all. Honestly though, I still find Caster’s Noble Phantasm Rule Breaker such a…I don’t know how to say it, I mean, I understand that the Command Spells was magic done by one of the three families and since Caster is like from the time of the Gods or whatever, I guess it’s possible for her to cancel it and stuff, but I feel like when powers like this exist, it kinda makes the rules of the war and everything feel so…cheap? Like, I guess I liked the war because each Servant presents different powerful Noble Phantasms and abilities but they’re all respectively things that pertain to their strengths and utilised within the boundaries of the war, but Caster’s ability just negates a lot of that and makes things feel like such a free for all with no rules and that just feels boring tbh. Otherwise, Saber being able to stop herself from listening to Caster’s orders and attack Shirou for a bit so he can escape was saddening, especially with those tears in her eyes. But yeah, the way everything went was really understandable, Shirou would never give up on Taiga’s life (since Caster took her hostage) even if he has to sacrifice his own, so really, it wasn’t a situation they could really win from at all..sad that their cute date turned into this disaster though.

Rin always tries to sound mean to Shirou, but really all you can hear from her is concern for him all the time. She hates seeing him get hurt and always wants him out of the war because he’s too kind. I can see why Shirou is adamant about going to save Saber since her being controlled is his responsibility, but at the same time, Rin is right, there is nothing he can offer to the battle right now, especially with his injuries. Lmaooo at Tiger Dojo 22 where Caster calls Taiga for advice on how to be a better character, hahahah even she knows she’s plain lmaoo. Honestly though, I love how Shirou is always able to tell that Rin is truly kindhearted and that underneath her role as a magus is a normal girl that’s very sensitive and sweet. I love how he got her to release her emotions and cry after she felt betrayed by Archer (who left her for Caster). I love the CG with them talking to each other back to back! And I love how Shirou is always there for Rin to help her get herself together. He’s right though, Rin is someone who resolutely stands on her own path, even if she regrets something, she will retaliate and destroy it to make her path what it should be to her. She gets sad but she never gives up, and I can see why Shirou would admire her so much tbh. It’s so cute how Shirou so honestly told Rin he likes her a lot, blushing Rin is so adorable!

I feel like Caster’s past is supposed to make me feel “something” for her but honestly, she still feels as bland as she is. Maybe it’s because ever since she was born, she’s been (literally) controlled by others, forced to abandon her country and kill her brother etc, used as a scapegoat to be the epitome of crime and thus viewed as a witch, but everything about that story is kinda just told to you as a reader, so really, it’s hard to feel anything for her. Like, I feel sorry for her that she had to experience all that, and I get how grateful she is towards Kuzuki for saving her when she nearly disappeared (after killing her crappy Master), but as she says, she really has no motivation or goal aside from helping Kuzuki and he himself doesn’t really want anything either, so they’re kinda like a duo that has no real purpose than to exist and fight if confronted and I guess fight to find a place for themselves. 

Tbh, Shirou always admires Rin for being able to go full on ahead without regrets, but I think someone like him who is able to be so decisive on walking on the path he decides and is ready to accept it even if it’s “wrong” is something very admirable as well. I LOLed when Shirou and Rin went to Illya’s castle (to ask to co-operate against Caster) and Illya’s “alarm” magic that alerts her to them entering the forest zapped Rin so badly compared to Shirou, it was hilarious hahahaha. Honestly, seeing Berserker so desperately protect Illya from Gilgamesh and Illya being so scared really shook me. But I think seeing their past was worse, they were both used and controlled by the Einzberns to get the holy grail, and Illya was forced to go out in a freezing forest with just Berserker so that they could train her into controlling him properly. And I guess it was then that they both realised in their hearts that the only ones they could trust in were each other. I always wondered why Illya didn’t seem to do anything aside from rely on Berserker to fight, but after the flashback, it seems that all those Command Spells on her body that were put by the Einzbern family are there to control Berserker and that puts a great toll on her body and probably even shortens her lifespan. It used to practically destroy her and make her scream in pain, but now it’s a bit better, and I guess that’s why Illya just allows Berserker to do everything for her, it’s mainly because it’s cumbersome enough for her to just control him. But yeah, Gilgamesh slashing her eyes and stuff made me feel so uncomfortable and sad. In the end, Illya’s just a kid… But yeah, I totally understand why Shirou couldn’t help but appear to try and help Illya knowing it was futile. But! I still blame him because him revealing himself also endangers Rin and he should have thought more about her. Buuuut, I’ll admit that it wouldn’t be like Shirou if he was able to restrain himself, and I think I would have been disappointed in him haha. He’s lucky Rin was there to help save him tbh, and I guess we should be glad that Shinji is Gilgamesh’s Master lolll, I mean, if it was anyone more useful, they would have been totally screwed~

Hahahaha, it was so cute how Shirou and Rin kept arguing about who should be running away when Lancer appeared. It was hilarious how Lancer waited for them to finish arguing hahaha. HAHAAHA it was such a tense atmosphere when Shirou agreed to co-operate with Lancer, but then when he said under one condition, and whilst everyone was wondering if he wanted to know Lancer’s Master or something, all Shirou wanted was for Lancer to stay away from Rin hahahaha, he’s so cute🤣🤣🤣 I’m amazed that Archer could create a shield (Aias) that blocked Lancer’s Noble Phantasm, it wasn’t easy for him to block it, but nevertheless, he did end up blocking it. I guess that’s the benefit of being able to project weapons or shields etc that are strong against each Servant’s respective Noble Phantasms. Rin is so cool though! She got Caster to let her guard down and then used martial arts to defeat her! Well nearly, because Kuzuki comes to save Caster since he’s stronger than Shirou, I mean, it’s pretty amazing that Shirou could fend him off for so long. Guess they should be glad that Archer wasn’t a traitor and dealt the last hit attempting to kill Kuzuki, but Caster sacrificed herself to protect him. It’s kinda funny though, Caster’s life as Medea was ruined because of a “man” (she was controlled by a God but the God made her love that man so I guess same thing?) and even as a Servant, even though this time was her first time truly falling in love, nevertheless, she still ended up giving her life up for love, and it’s always for a man that will never love her back. It’s nice to see that even though Kuzuki was pretty disinterested in everything, he was ready to fight until the end even after Caster died, tbh although Shirou wanted to stop it and save Kuzuki, I think Kuzuki would have preferred being killed by Archer as an end rather than surviving. Rin really does save Shirou all the time though haha, it was thanks to her smart thinking of taking Saber as her Servant that they could fend off Archer from killing Shirou.

Honestly though, Lancer is such a great guy. He really knows how to appreciate Rin hahaha, I couldn’t believe her “thanks” to him stopped him from wanting to really kill Archer when they had their duel, and even now when she’s kidnapped by Archer (to ensure Shirou will come to save her and thus fight him), he’s so ready to go help them out. I guess Shirou was right to tell Lancer to stay away from Rin hahahaha. Honestly, it’s so heartbreaking to hear Archer talk about how he had to keep killing in order to save many, and that’s why he feels that he must kill Shirou, because if he doesn’t kill him, he’s going to become him, the hero Emiya. I think it’s so heartbreaking to hear that because you can feel how much Archer wants to kill himself, and in order to do that, he must kill Shirou. He thinks that his existence gave happiness to no one and only caused death and destruction since he killed people to save people…and it’s probably disheartening for Saber to hear this too, since she and Shirou are similar. I guess that’s why she wanted to stay here instead of going to save Rin (from Shinji) with Lancer.

Omg, I didn’t realise that Archer was executed because he was accused by the person he saved, even though he was the one who gave his all to stop the conflict, he was accused of starting the conflict and died for that “crime”. I think something that really hit me was when Archer described his role as a Guardian, he calls it being a “cleaner” because “they do not save people. All they do is eliminate harmful people, without distinction of good or evil. They do not save people in despair. Instead, they eliminate people in despair in order to save others who are enjoying life.” It’s so true. It’s something that’s ever present in life, we are always eliminating the people who are unable to live happily, we are always killing them because of the destruction they cause, and it’s understandable, but at the same time, it’s exactly against what Shirou desires. He knows that he can’t save everyone, but he wants to, and at the least, he wouldn’t want to kill others he wants to save in order to save others. I feel like the more Archer killed, the more he felt like he was killing the people he was supposed to save and that really destroyed him. And because he became a Guardian, he didn’t even have the choice to not do these things. The world itself had already decided that these people were harmful to it, so Emiya had to kill them, all the times he was summoned, he had no free will to decide for himself what should be done and what shouldn’t be done to save the world, the world already decided it and willed him to just kill them to “save” the world. The world deemed them irredeemable and unable to be saved, and Emiya had to accept that, but it must have been such torture to have to experience that over and over again. Even if killing Shirou doesn’t cause Archer to disappear, I’m sure the satisfaction of killing the past him that he thinks is silly and caused all this would at least relieve Archer somewhat.

Kotomine definitely let his guard down against Lancer. Although he used his Command Spell to order Lancer to kill himself, he hadn’t even disappeared yet and he already let his guard down! In other news, Shinji is a shit as usual~ and seriously, after seeing Kotomine get stabbed by Lancer, I don’t know why the dumbass Shinji doesn’t think about how Lancer could still be a threat, and what makes him think Gilgamesh will help him with such a lowlife job lol. It was really cool when Lancer used bits of his last strength to protect Rin until the end though, he’s such a hero. I also liked how resolute he was in death and was ready to burn the whole room to ashes to make sure Kotomine wouldn’t survive. I guess Kiritsugu’s last words of relief over Shirou saying he’ll be a superhero in his place was like a curse to Shirou. He said it because he admired Kiritsugu and wanted to be just like him, but he probably didn’t realise how much it really meant to him until he said it, and because of that, Shirou had no choice but to become a protector of justice, he couldn’t disappoint the guy who was so happy to have found him alive in that fire, he couldn’t disregard a dying man’s wish, and really, he just wanted to be just as strong as his father. In this sense though, there’s a similarity between Shirou and Rin. The both of them have been “passed on” an ideal or dream that they must fulfill. For Shirou, he needs to save people as a superhero. For Rin, she needs to win the Holy Grail War as the successor of the Tohsaka family and for her father who died because of it. But really, you wouldn’t say that Rin’s will is hypocrisy, because she has practically made that dream her own, and I think that can be said for Shirou as well. Even if it all started from someone else, it doesn’t mean it’s a “borrowed” ideal, because it had already transformed into their own ideal with the strength of their convictions and beliefs. And honestly, even if it is a borrowed ideal, it’s fine, because that is the path they chose, whether it was for someone else or not, this is what they chose and what they will commit to do. In that sense, who can really judge them? I honestly felt really touched when Shirou relentlessly attacked saying his dream is not a mistake, because he believes in it and will continue to believe in it no matter what. Really, I can’t help but feel so affected by Shirou’s will and determination all the time, he’s so mentally strong, it’s crazy. It was kinda relieving but at the same time hurtful when Archer admitted his lost and was stabbed by Shirou. In the end, this was never really a physical fight, because Archer could have killed him if he really wanted to imo, in the end, it felt like everything was set up by Archer to see the strength of his ideals again within Shirou. Archer had experienced tragedy after tragedy that deteriorated his heart for too long, so I feel like in a sense even though he hated his younger self, he also wanted to rekindle and remember the emotions he once had towards his ideal of becoming a superhero. I feel like he wanted to see whether he would be able kill himself first or remember why he was so adamant on being a superhero and how strong his mental fortitude towards it was first, so it was great that young him aka Shirou succeeded in showing him once again why his choice wasn’t wrong and wasn’t a mistake.

Anyway, Gilgamesh always ruins the mood, doesn’t he?! So the reason why Servants have to fight until the last one is because their heroic spirit souls are used as pure magical energy afterwards to kinda “create” the holy grail contents and give the remaining magus/Master power to use it for what they want? Lmao at Gilgamesh leaving the castle and wanting to change locations because the castle was burning down and he didn’t want ashes to go on him. You know, now that I think about it, if all the people Archer witnessed destroying the world was like Shinji, yeah I think I would feel the same hatred towards humanity and their ridiculous conflicts too. Ooh I guess although I’ve seen it, it never really clicked to me that Gilgamesh stopped Illya from becoming the holy grail by taking out her heart and putting it inside Shinji so he would become it? HAHAHA omg, Rin and Shirou need to have sex so he can share her magical circuits and use her magical power to create the Reality Marble (where Archer can project and use all those swords etc) and fight against Gilgamesh?! No wonder why Rin became so shy mid way through the strategy meeting hahahaha. Well, that was a pretty long and detailed H-scene! Rin looked really cute though loll. 

Hmmm how interesting, so Servants who are magi can summon other Servants, but they must have a host to keep the Servant in this world, and for Assassin, that is the mountain, therefore, even though Caster is dead, as long as the mountain exists, Assassin will be there to protect it. However, he still needs magical energy, and so even though he’s still “alive”, he will disappear soon, since Caster only gave him a limited amount of magical energy. Although I guess the main reason he still stands is because he really wanted his life to end in battle with Saber. Assassin’s true identity is rather saddening. He’s just a no name guy that was most fit to be seen as the guy “Sasaki Kojirou” because he can perform techniques Kojirou could, and so he is assumed to be him according to what this Kojirou character should be. In the end, he’s “nothing”, and I guess such an existence, being able to fight with Saber before he disappears would be a nice thing to do instead of meaninglessly disappearing. I mean, it’s understandable that Saber is in a rush to distract Gilgamesh so that Rin and Shirou can destroy the grail, and then they can all destroy Gilgamesh together, but honestly, that’s not Assassin’s problem and he has no reason to stand aside when Saber did once promise him that she’ll fight him properly again. I guess that means it’s time for Shirou to shine haha. I think Shirou’s “impossible” dream really reminds of Kaoru’s dream in Rurouni Kenshin. Honestly, their dreams are probably naive, probably impossible and probably ridiculous to others, but just like Kenshin, I think you can’t help but want to believe in it hoping that it can be possible, and continuing to fight to make it possible. And I really feel Shirou’s resolve in that. It took a while but I’m glad he finally realised that what he could do wasn’t infinitely create swords to fight against Gilgamesh, but instead create the Reality Marble that contains an infinite amount of swords aka unlimited blade works. But really, I’m happy that regardless whether it be the Fate route or this one, Shirou is the one who helps Saber realise that she needs to move forward, well, Archer and his burdens is the one who made her realise it in this route, but they’re both Shirou after all! I’m just glad that she’s not living in regret anymore and can go back peacefully after destroying the Holy Grail.

Although I’ve been rather sceptical with how a lot of fights went in this route, I think Gilgamesh against Shirou is probably the most satisfying and understandable to me (alongside Shirou against Archer), mainly because it’s true that Gilgamesh had always won his battles through the amount of Noble Phantasms in his treasury and how relentlessly he uses them as “arrows” rather than as swords. He lacks the skills and techniques to use them because he is merely an arrogant owner of them. And that’s why I think it’s understandable how Shirou can face off against him. Not only is Shirou physically capable, his Reality Marble gives him swords right by him, he can pick them up much easier than when he had to project them over and over, so in the end, it becomes more of a battle mounting on their determination and strength, which Gilgamesh lacks because he lives thinking that he doesn’t need to work hard for anything since everything is already his. And seeing him lose because of that is much more satisfying than in the Fate route because what Gilgamesh really lost against here isn’t something like Saber’s OP armour, he lost against his own lack of skill and what he prides himself in, his own arrogance. He let his guard down against a “faker” that can only do imitations of his swords, and was unable to recover his composure facing off against someone much “lower” than him being able to overpower him, even if it’s only for a bit of time. Not sure how I feel about the black void from the destruction of the Holy Grail coming to consume Gilgamesh though… Lmao at Tiger Dojo 24, the hanging mini Shirou getting smacked by Taiga and being blown away like a star was so funny hahahaha. 

I find it quite a miracle that Archer was able to survive this long into the end game and was able to watch over their battles and save both Rin and Shirou in the last minute! Like, he was already weak at the castle, fought with Shirou, took the hit from multiple Noble Phantasms by Gilgamesh and he was still able to project so many weapons to get Rin away from the Holy Grail monster and then project another one to prevent Gilgamesh from dragging Shirou into the void?? I guess I should be impressed rather than in disbelief haha. Honestly though, I do believe that Rin is Shirou’s “true love” because you can really see how much Archer still loves and cherishes her after all that he experienced. His silly banter with her was so similar to how she and Shirou interacted, and I think the fact that he still held on to her jewel (that ended up allowing her to summon him) is enough reason to really see how much he thought about her and how much he wanted to be with her. But at the same time he couldn’t be with her because it was his love and admiration for her that probably allowed him to move forward and follow his dream/ideal and end up becoming Emiya the heroic spirit. I honestly wanted to cry when he asked Rin to support himself and take care of himself aka Shirou. And I honestly believe in Archer’s belief that if Rin is beside Shirou, he won’t become the regretful hero Emiya. It’s saddening that even if Shirou leads a different life, Archer will probably always still be a heroic spirit doing what he had to do before. The only relief to be had is that after encountering Rin and Shirou here, he’s kinda rejuvenated himself by being reminded of past him’s beliefs, wishes and his resolve for becoming who he has become today. So, he’ll be fine, even if it’s painful. Archer’s last smile looked so much like Shirou. And omggg, something I never realised! In the beginning, Archer chose to call her Rin and continued calling her that because calling her Tohsaka is something Shirou does! By coming to terms with his own self as Shirou, he can finally feel like he can call her Tohsaka like he used to… It’s so cute and bittersweet😭😭

I loved how adorable Shirou and Rin were (in the true ending) when she kept asking if he would come with her to London as her apprentice at the Magic Association training academy or whatever and Shirou was too shy to openly say yes when it was obvious what his answer would be haha. The good ending was something I would have also liked to see in the Fate route but I guess seeing it here is nice too! It’s a bit like a harem end lmao, but I think Saber deciding to stay in this world to see if she can find her own answer by watching over Shirou (since Archer said she is wrong but she doesn’t really understand in this ending), so now Shirou, Rin and Saber can always hang together! It’s so cute honestly~ It’s kinda like how everything was in the beginning of this route, so playful, fun and happy with three of them haha.

Overall, I really liked UBW. Imo, I still think that the fights with Caster etc were the weak parts of this route and it can kinda detract your attention because I didn’t think it was really interesting lol. But everything is worth it when it comes to Shirou’s fight with Archer and then Gilgamesh. It really felt like everything that was built up since the beginning was made worth it. It was nice to see how much Archer and Shirou were natural enemies against each other without Shirou even realising who he was, yet they both couldn’t help but be influenced by the other. I thought Archer’s story really made UBW such a highlight emotionally. His story was well developed and nicely explored against Shirou’s ideals and you could really see how much they couldn’t help but clash. I honestly really loved how no matter what Archer did that seemed contradictory to what “Shirou” would do, in the end, he was Shirou through and through with how soft of a guy he really was. I really loved the concept of Shirou being the one to make possible future him/Archer realise why his original ideals were so important to him and why despite everything, he really doesn’t regret how everything came to be anymore. I really think that it was such an important growth to both Archer and Shirou and I loved it. It allowed them both to further their resolves and be proud of the path they’re walking on. Another great thing about this route was Rin, she’s such a great heroine that totally matches well with Shirou because not only does she drive him to become a stronger person like her, Shirou also makes her want to improve and be as driven as him even when things don’t go her way. I just think that not only do they work to bring their best out of each other as people, they’re also very capable in being silly with the other. They’re just as cute as they are strong and I love their relationship. As for the other Servants, I think only Lancer and Assassin really hit me emotionally. Lancer being such a ladies man and fighting for his own beliefs is something I always enjoy seeing, and Assassin finding meaning by being able to fight with other true swordsmen was something I couldn’t help but feel happy for. It really felt like a 8.5-9/10 route!👌

And nowww, on to the last route! Since the last Heaven’s Feel movie isn’t out yet, I don’t really know what happens at the end of it, so I guess aside from the Fate route, this will be the other route I don’t have much idea about what will happen and that kinda makes me excited haha!

[battlestar-royco]

speaking of historical inaccuracy and poc, do you remember the drama around troy: fall of a city? it was a show based on the trojan war where many of the characters, including achilles + the founder of Rome aeneas, were cast as black. people went crazy. the show got review bombed and all you can ever find about it online is people talking about how bad black achilles is. the things that drive me crazy: 1 it’s based on a Myth, not exactly going for historical accuracy and (1/2)

(2/2) 2, in 2014 there was a Hercules movie starring the rock, who is also not white, but nobody said a thing. and they shouldn’t have! but it makes it real obvious that this is about skin color. the actor who played achilles was a dark skinned black man, and if he was white passing nobody would have said a damn thing. i can’t argue that t:foac is a good show, but the reputation it’s gotten is without question bc of racism and colorism, not “”genuine concern”” abt historical inaccuracy.

No, I actually completely missed out on that drama because I had no idea the show existed until a few months ago when I was looking into Alfie Enoch. I was going into one of those bouts of sadness about all the black characters who I miss because they were killed for dumbass reasons; I’ll never forgive you HTGAWM. People complain about black actors being cast in literally everything, and so often shows and movies are cancelled before they can get on their feet because people can’t stand to see a black person on their screen for more than 2 hours at a time. Instead of admitting to racism, they use language like “the project was too ambitious” or “ahead of its time” or “historical accuracy” (though I’m willing to bet many of these same people had no issue with Spartacus or the Brad Pitt Troy or the Disney Hercules), or they blame the actors. It’s kind of funny how I’ve seen franchises last for years despite being full of white people who can’t act, and how just-above-mediocre white actors get showered in accolades every year while actors of color are still winning “firsts” in certain categories 🤔.

[mzminola]

Reaction Post Two: Ectoplasmic Boogaloo

Misc thoughts now that I’ve both seen the show, and had time to think.*

Kinda feel like I missed an episode or two? I could swear there’s screenshots going around that I never saw in context, and collective knowledge that’re so consistent I could swear I missed something...but that might just be the result of a ten year old active fandom. Is it ever stated how long Vlad was in the hospital with ecto-acne? Or is “five years” just a really popular fanon?

I see why so many people call for a reboot; there’s a lot of neat stuff in the show, but due to the cancellation a bunch of threads got dropped or warped out of recognition. Almost a “rough draft” sort of vibe.

One of the major problems with S3 (starting with the S2 finale, actually) is that they tried to go Bigger! Moar Extreme!! Higher Stakes!!! But worldwide disasters weren’t what the show as about. The pacing in Urban Jungle was terrible (plants taking over should be a slow, creepy story, not a five second greensplosion), Vortex was way to overpowered, and Phantom Planet really only makes sense as someone’s dream. Like. All of Amity Park got dragged into an alternate dimension in Reign Storm, because the Ghost King Dark Pariah was supposed to be a big deal. Leave that as a biggest disaster.

“Million Dollar Ghost” was an adorable episode. Danny trying to cheer Jack back up was painfully sweet and dorky.

The two episodes with Danielle are, together, or separately, the most actually horrifying episodes. Melting clones, who look scared as they go. Seriously. And if you strip the supernatural/sci-fi elements from the summary, the first episode from Danny’s perspective would be “parents’ old friend kidnaps you for nonconsensual reproductive reasons, and then tries to kill you and your baby sister in a fit of rage.” No wonder he’s exuberant when Sam & Tucker save them.

Meanwhile, Maternal Instincts from Maddie’s perspective is also terrifying; lost in the wilderness with your child, the only hope for communication or travel to the outside world is in the house of a man you barely know anymore, who yelled “NO ONE SAYS NO TO ME!” when you refused to leave your husband for him.

Speaking of Maternal Instincts, I think it shows Danny didn’t get all his forgetfulness from Jack; Maddie’s so laser focused on finding a phone that she’s disregarding the vehicles.

(and Maddie, you’re sad that Danny isn’t spending as much time with you as when he was a tiny child, but when he hugged you and said “I love you Mom!”, after your smile and “I love you too,” you physically dislodged him and singsonged “clingy!” Really? I get being uncomfortable with physical contact, but calling your kid clingy for hugging you in one of the few calm moments of a crisis is...kinda mean, Maddie)

~

Thought on Living Large: Danny's not “letting money go to his head and being an asshole”, Danny’s fucking depressed. We’ve seen Danny get a big ego and turn into a  jerk; example, every episode where he gets temporary popularity (invited to Dash’s party thanks to Jazz, dating Paulina, judging the beauty contest). Thanks to Val’s arc, we know one of the things affecting popularity at Casper High is family wealth. If Danny was being a jerk thanks to money he’d be at school, flaunting it. He’s not. He’s not even attending school, he’s barely leaving his room, and he’s irritable. The kid’s depressed.

It makes sense; he just underwent a major life change that he had no control over in a few days, and lost nearly all contact with his family. (I think his parents are out of character selling Fenton Works for any amount of money, but that’s a sidenote). Danny lost his home. He’s in a strange house, his parents’ neglect thanks to their ghost-hunting obsession is no longer mitigated by a small house where they have to interact regularly, and Jazz is hiding in the library. Major upheaval followed by isolation in a strange place. Poor fucking kid.

~

I disagree that “Vlad wants to rule the world” came out of nowhere, but I agree season 3 bungled him terribly. Forget “Phantom Planet”, it’s “Infinite Realms” that’s the worst piece of characterization for him. “take me to my destiny” what the heck,Vlad, that’s so vague. Where’d the Vlad we saw in Reign Storm go?

Vlad (in S1 & S2) makes the most sense if I assume he has long-term goals unrelated to the Fentons. Like he wants revenge on Jack and to ‘win’ Maddie, but honestly he’s had twenty fucking  years for that, it’s like the college reunion came up on his calendar and he want “oh, nice opportunity”. (though Jack’s firm belief in ghosts despite never seeing one until ep1 makes sense if we assume Vlad’s been periodically sending things like the vultures to mess with him invisibly...)

When I first watched Bitter Reunions, I was struck by how badly Vlad handled Danny. In retrospect, it’s even more startling considering how well he manipulated Val. So I thought, why? Well, with Val, Vlad is exploiting her negative emotions towards Phantom and other ghosts. Whereas with Danny, Vlad seems almost incapable of understanding that Danny likes his dad, and in Maternal Instincts he’s likewise confused by Maddie’s loyalty to her husband. Maybe its just that his own view of Jack blinds him to other’s perspectives, but he’s also surprised that Jack defeats him in Million Dollar Ghost. Jack was aided by love and protective feelings for his family, positive emotions. I don’t really think “Vlad has trouble understanding positive emotions in others” is a solid explanation, but it’s a start.

Alsooooooooo, re: Bitter Reunions and most of his other interaction with Danny: Vlad's making Skulker work for him, the vultures (despite being almost 2000 years older than him) do as he says, and we see him regularly searching the Ghost Realm for artifacts and getting into fights.

I think Vlad has spend ten to twenty years (whenever his ghost powers really got going) beating up other ghosts to get what he wants. “No one says no to me!” “Must I beat you with one hand behind my back before you admit you’re outmatched?”

He’s used to manipulating humans, but he saw Danny first and foremost as “ghost kid”, and so tries the same tactics he’s used on all the other ghosts; hit them until they do what you want. This...doesn’t work, with Danny. Sure, Vlad outpowers him, but the kid has a support network, and he thinks on his feet (making a shield bubble after seeing Vlad’s square flat shield? threatening to out both of them? The kid forgets about his own powers half the time, but adapts quickly, which is one of the big reasons hes lasted so long in the hero biz)

~

Danny never came out to his parents (excepting Phantom Planet) because as long as they didn’t know, he could keep believing they’d accept him no matter what. Schrodinger’s Parental Acceptance.

I think that’s all my post-series thoughts for now.

~

*I apparently wrote this post months or years ago and never posted it, though I did post the segment about depression on it’s own at some point?

[s-jatpfic]

Green (New Years Eve and love confessions)

Alex x Reggie, Luke x Bobby

Green is some kind of separate reality focusing on Reggie x Alex in a love is overrated let’s just vibe way. The stories work perfectly fine without each other and every single one can be read as a oneshot, yet there is a storyline visible.

this part: is part of the storyline

moodboard, playlist

3280 words

warnings: underage drinking, underage smoking, being drunk (kinda), jealousy, a few swear words, message me if you think i should add something else

———

It’s December 31 and the boys have zero to do. They actually should be at soundcheck for a small pre-midnight gig but the promoter of the club found out that Sunset Curve is still underage and that on New Year‘s Eve could get him in major trouble, so the gig got canceled last minute and now the band hangs in the garage super unmotivated. Alex behind his drumkid but more of gently brushing the drums with his sticks than actually smashing them the way it’s supposed to be, Reggie laying on the couch, strumming his bass which makes obnoxious noises, Luke angerly scribbling in his songbook but crossing out every word he wrote and Bobby the only one who isn’t super depressed about it, watching the other ones going insane.

“Guys c‘mon. I know this sucks. We don’t have money and we live in a garage. Clearly not the optimum. But we can’t change anything about that now, so get your shit together and get over it. This won’t be the last time we get rejected that doesn’t make us any less worthy okay? We’re still Sunset Curve. We still can reach our dreams. This club was stupid anyway, tomorrow is a new day, a new year and a new chance. So snap out of it and let us clink our glasses. It’s New Year‘s Eve. There’s no time for being sad now”

With that, Bobby grabs himself a can of beer out of the fridge and throws one at Reggie. For the boys it’s Reggie and Bobby drinking alcohol only, just as they have a smoke before their gigs together at some point of the evening they always end up with a cup of beer. Although Alex indeed was drunk a lot the past couple of months while his late night rendezvous with Reggie, this was a secret between him and Reggie and him and Reggie only. Luke is the only one in the band that has never and without lying about it like some blond haired, pink hoodie wearing other band member, just had a sip of alcohol yet in his life but he was ready for his first beer now. Alex shrugs just thinking about this bitterly brew. He once tried it with Reggie and almost felt like vomiting. Beer wasn’t his thing, rosé was but wine was something Reggie really couldn’t stand, so they either bought separate drinks or agreed on stronger things. Whiskey was something they both enjoy and they both really had a thing for gin.

“I’ll stick with water for now, maybe switch to beer when the evening goes on” Alex answers Luke as he asks him if he wants one as well, knowing perfectly fine he’ll never in a million years just sniff a beer.

“I bought wine as well. Just in case someone feels like it”

Alex knows Reggie is talking about him just with the way he stretches out the ‘someone’ and Alex tries to hide his excitement. It isn’t only his obsession for wine that causes Alex mood turning better, it was mostly the fact that Reggie, the boy he fell in love with to add, though about him while buying their drinks. It doesn’t seem like a lot but for Alex it feels like a lot since they still never openly addressed what they are and it doesn’t seem like Reggie wants to change something about that.

“Don’t want to disappoint you with being the sober one” With that Alex gets up his stool, grabs himself the green bottle of white liquid and ends up sitting across Bobby and Luke on the floor, Reggie joining them after putting away his bass.

“Cheers to 1995. This is gonna be our year”

As they all start drinking, Alex couldn’t not grin about Lukes grossed out facial expressions when gulping down his beer. Maybe he turns tipsy enough today to share his wine but for now he wants to see Luke suffering for a little longer. He sure will continue on drinking beer, he has too much pride to admit this tastes disgusting.

It is visible for everyone in the room that Luke doesn’t enjoy his beer at all but they all have much more fun laughing about him than actually offering him something else, so while the boys chatter there is always at least one of them having to hide a suppressed giggle every time Luke brings the can to his lips.

“Thanks for the wine or I’d be looking like Luke now, if not even worse” Alex whispers at Reggie, always making sure the other two are distracted enough with themselves or their alcohol.

“You always had weird taste A. You like me though” Reggie giggles as an answer causing Alex to roll of his eyes. This was a bad joke, but Alex can’t deny it. He likes Reggie, a little bit more than he should, and his bad jokes might be another reason why.

“Here, try this” Alex changes the topic by talking to Luke and handing him his wine. Luke inspects the green bottle of wine sceptical, not sure if this is a nice offer or if Alex has a ulterior motive but he can’t find something odd about it so he ends up trying and actually liking what’s inside.

There’s not even half of the bottle left and Reggie and Bobby are already at there second beer and while neither those two nor Alex feels the alcohol in their bodies, Luke already starts getting jittery so Alex decides it’s a good call if Luke is left with the rest of his wine whereas he gets himself a new one and grabs a beer for Reggie as well when he’s up anyway.

Maybe his body doesn’t feel the alcohol but his mind starts getting thoughts that his sober brain would never have. Luke and Bobby across them all cozy and cuddled up as the good couple they are and he has to be two feet apart from Reggie.

It is depressing and he feels bad for being jealous at his best friends but he just can’t help it. They were never too much into PDA, it almost was as if they are nothing more than the best friends the four of them are but now that Luke is drunk, he gets all touchy and it starts to annoy Alex how happy they seem and how they stare into the other ones eyes just right before their kisses. How it’s always Bobbys look drifting down to Lukes lips first, yet it’s always Lukes lips moving forward to actually touch Bobbys and how they can’t stop smiling at each other. Maybe Alex eyes them up a little bit to intense but what else shall he do, sit there and watch them being in the happy relationship he wants to have with Reggie? Sure what they have, the hiding and sneaking around, is something Alex wouldn’t want to trait in for anything, but Bobby and Luke are their best friends, why can’t they at least know about how happy Reggie makes him? Or watch them being head over heals for one other? Is this really too much to ask? And without realizing it, Alex freshly opened bottle of wine is gone in almost one go, gaining all the lads attention but no one dares to say a word about it. If Alex goes full drunk then he should. The boys are a safe space so if he wants to get pass out befuddled, then that’s fine with them. Little do Bobby and Luke know that besides Alex look, he isn’t light weighted. A bottle of wine won’t kill him. He just hopes to get those murdering thoughts out of his brain.

They make him feel like his throat is drying out – the wine not helping with it – and his heart stops beating.

Intoxicated by the wine he decided it’s now a good idea to tease Reggie. If Reggie isn’t gonna give him attention on his own, maybe Alex has to give his destiny a little rush.

“Do y’all remember last New Years as you dared me to kiss Luke? Bet Reggie still thinks I have a crush on Luke since I came out just two weeks after that. He was so sure I realized I like boys while that kiss and honestly, I can’t blame you, Luke is a really good kisser” Although the first part of his sentence is dedicated to the group, it’s pretty obvious that he’s talking directly to Reggie with the last part and Bobbys “can’t disagree with you” isn’t really helping curbing Reggies anger that slowly boils up inside of him with the thought of sharing Alex. But Reggie isn’t stupid, he knows what game Alex starts playing but this is a game for two.

“Bobby you’re in for a cigarette? I think those two could need some privacy” Reggie says, winking at Alex.

Oh the privacy part, no that’s not what’s triggering Alex, it’s the cigarette. Reggie knows Alex is only waiting for him to come up with an excuse so they can have a smoke together without the rest of the band noticing they do indeed have three smoking members and not just the two everyone expects.

So with Bobby and Reggie leaving for a cigarette or two, Alex gets up as well grabs a mixtape he knows Luke will not be able to resist dancing to and will use that for his benefits. If Reggie wants to play, Alex is going to win.

He takes of his hoodie, not only to rag Reggie, but it’s really getting hot in here due to the alcohol and also the tension between him and Reggie and now only in his shirt, Alex gets Luke stumbling around the the studio and just right on time, he had a lot of cigarettes in the past, he knows how long they last, he grabs Lukes arms and make them, accidentally, lose balance. So the first thing Reggie sees when he’s entering the garage is Luke and Alex laying all cozy and giggly on the ground, Alex hoodie right above his head just as if Luke was the one undressing Alex. Fake blushing, well probably red cheeks due to the amount of wine he had, Alex rolls Luke off his chest. Bobby isn’t as triggered by that as Reggie is although Luke and Bobby are literally in a relationship but Bobby knows his boyfriend and he recognizes the song, no way was there sexual reason behind.

Alex is sure he won this battle especially as the two feet of invisible border between them two disappeared. Reggie now sits there cross crossed, his knee touching Alex leg.

Alex doesn’t know whether to enjoy this little touch or tense up but after Reggie smiles at Alex yielding, he decides it’s gonna be enjoying.

For about and hour there where no further interruptions. Just four best friends having fun, talking about life and drinking some alcohol nothing to worry about. The more alcohol there is, the less tension is between Alex and Reggie, but one is for sure, Reggie wouldn’t let Alex win this. No chance.

“Shit”

Thats Reggie. Before Alex even has the chance to turn his head facing Reggie, Reggie is already standing up, his shirt in his hand. Oh this idiot, accidentally and out of clumsiness, emptied his beer on his shirt. Alex really thought Reggie relinquished but very clearly, he did not.

It’s not as if Alex has a choice, but he just can not not stare at Reggie and Reggie, obviously proud at being better at teasing the other one, stands there, a huge smirk on his face and winks at Alex.

At this point Alex is sure his face is about the same color than Reggies flannel, that’s still tied up around his hips. It’s not as if Alex has never seen Reggie shirtless, but today, in combination with the alcohol and the situation, it isn’t really helpful keeping a clear mind and not immediately pounce on Reggie.

“Don’t you- Don’t you want to put on a, a, a shirt a-a-again?” Alex stutters. He knows that was a very bad try, cause even if Reggie had planed to get dressed again, after seeing how big of an impact this has on Alex, he sure will not.

“Don’t you think it’s hot in here anyway? I think I’ll stay like that a little longer just to cool down. Unless it makes you uncomfortable?”

How does one breath again? Okay no, no matter what Alex tries, there isn’t even enough air in the garage to fill his lungs, that’s for sure. And with Reggie sitting down again, skin to skin with Alex, it just gets worse. Alex feels like his arm is burning where it gets touched by Reggies torso. But he also can’t slide away from Reggie. His body is addicted to Reggies. He is literally craving for his touch but only his arm touching Reggie is more torture than relieve. If Reggie isn’t gonna kiss him in front of the boys, he needs to get the boys away from them. Or get away from the boys. As much as he just wants to sit on the shirtless boys lap, press his lips on the boys ones and kiss him way to unrestrained to make it appropriate in front of their friends, he needs to find a better solution. So Alex activates all his acting skills and pinchly rests his head on Reggies shoulder. The naked skin feels like pinpricks on Alex fiery cheek. Is is to late to take a step back? Alex needs Reggie now, there’s no going back. To relieve his cheek from the lovely pain, he slowly slides his head down, now laying in Reggies lap.

“I feel dizzy”

Luke and Bobby are to busy with themselves to give the guys across them any attention but Alex now being uninhabited in physical touch, his hands on his tummy and saying he doesn’t feel alright? It’s more than enough for Reggie to worry about him.

“I feel like throwing up”

Alex voice is just a humming whisper but loud enough for Reggie to register it. Maybe Alex doesn’t take a bottle of wine as easy as Reggie thought, so Reggie sits Alex up very carefully as if he’d be about to break, gets up and then helping Alex to get on his feet. Alex clings at Reggies body, not able to put just one foot in front of the other one if it wouldn’t be for Reggie and like that, and with Alex hoodie that Reggie quickly picks up the ground, the two boys totter out of the garage.

“Some air will help” Reggie mumbles but as soon as they are out of sight from the other boys, Alex suddenly feels better again.

“You’re right. The cold air does a trick. Feeling so much better now”

Alex eyes are literally glowing and before Reggie realizes what’s happening, their lips touch. Their kiss is desperate and very passionate. The boys not able to tell if their chills are caused by the december areal or the hot atmosphere but one is for sure, it is the most lustfull kiss they ever shared.

Out of breath, Alex rests his forehead at Reggies, not wanting to lose their closeness. He only now notices Reggie wearing his significant pink hoodie.

“Not that I mind but what was that for?”

Reggies words tingle at Alex lips since they are still intimately close but Alex doesn’t mind, he finally got what he desired the whole evening.

“I just can’t resist you”

With this, there was another kiss, however, not even half as venereal as the first one this evening, this one is more of lovingly, amorous. It is soft and sweet yet screaming out how much they love each other.

“We should get back, we don’t want to worry the boys do we?”

Being in trance of the moment, Alex doesn’t realize Reggie pulling away and then grabbing his hand. His body just has to follow his lead.

Back with the couple of the group, there were no more boundaries now. Still not sharing kisses but filling that gap with snuggles and also a few wet neck pecks. Something changed out there and Alex is definitely not the one to mind. He likes this whatever it is and really hopes it’s not just the cause of the alcohol letting Reggie forget about their company.

This thought gets brushed aside as the four of them starts counting down till it’s midnight.

10

It was Luke starting counting.

9

The other boys now joining him.

8

They all start to get twitchy.

7

Honestly, they don’t even know if they are on time, the clock in the garage was broken for a while now.

6

But it doesn’t matter as long as the four of them were together.

5

For a life changing year.

4

Their big blow up, the bands big blow up.

3

No more worries.

2

Silence.

1

Not spoken out, said only in their minds.

Bobby and Luke having their New Years kiss and Alex and Reggie doing exactly the same. Alex was a little shook at first, but there is no time for doubts. All their emotions condensed into this kiss. Everything they ever wanted to do is now reality.

“I love you Alex”

It was still quite in the garage, too quiet, so Alex just assumed Bobby and Luke are already outside watching the fireworks but even if not, this doesn’t really matter right now. The only thing that matters is Reggie and what he just said. I love you.

“And I wish I could have told you earlier but I was scared. There is no solid excuse for this, I just thought I will not be able to make you permanently happy but everyday I’m just craving to feel your lips on mine and every night I wish I didn’t have to say goodbye. I just hope there will always be one more kiss, one more smile, one more day you make me feel like I belong somewhere”

Alex doesn’t realize there where tears falling down his cheeks but he couldn’t focus on them anyway. Reggies words are honey fixing his broken soul. Although he never thought he’d hear something like that, he also doesn’t want Reggie to stop.

“As things at home- as things with my parents got worse, you were the only reason I wanted to get out of my bed. Everytime I see you chatting with someone in the schools hallway I couldn’t wait for the night to come so I could be the one you ramble to about banalities yet I’m listening to every word you say cause when the words come out of your mouth, they are automatically special for me. You’re the only one that makes me feel alive. I’m not drowning in my own shadows anymore, and that’s only thanks to you. I am really, super fucking in love with you A and I hope that we maybe can show this love to the world.”

Alex is too overwhelmed to add something, he just osculates their lips again, the biggest smile on his face.

“Wanna go outside watching the fireworks with the boys?”

With that they get up, their hands intertwined and neither of them able to drop their smile. They both are happy, genuinely happy and no one could take that away from them.

“I love you too, Reg”

Green fireworks lighting up the sky.

~franky. can y’all tell i never was in love lol? cause, i don’t know what people do or how they act when they are. every experience i ever made about love is out of 1d fanfiction when bella finally realized that it was niall all along or zayn leaves gigi hadid behind in new york so he could start a new life with liam in la. yeah i got issues lol.

masterlist

[pseudowoodo]

there's a room where the light won't find you

fandom: glee pairing: blaine/sebastian words: 1307 summary: Blaine finds himself calling Sebastian after his presidential win. Seblaine Week 2017 - Day 4: Politics/Running for Office

AO3 link

“Hey, this is Kurt-”

Blaine hangs up. He’s heard Kurt’s voicemail message so many times now he has it memorized; not just the words but the intonations as well, every little detail to the point where there wasn’t even any comfort in hearing Kurt’s voice anymore. It’s just a machine.

He knew the election was tonight, right? Blaine had at least managed to bring that up in the handful of conversations they’d managed to have this past week. Though, given the one-sided nature of those conversations, there’s a chance Kurt didn't actually hear him if he did.

That wasn’t fair. Of course Kurt wanted to gush about his new job, it was amazing. And it was probably keeping him really busy too. Blaine couldn’t expect him to be available to talk whenever he needed him.

But Kurt could at least text, right? Just to find out whether he’d won.

I did all of this for him and now he’s not here.

I did all of this for him and he doesn’t even care.

Blaine knows loneliness, knows what it’s like to be starving with it, but he can’t remember ever feeling quite this hollow.

He looks for Sam, considering finding some excuse to talk to him again. He likes Sam, something he somehow hadn’t realized until tonight. For a moment, talking to him had made life at McKinley without Kurt seem possible.

Blaine spots him, snuggled up in a booth with Brittany. That looked like trouble, but he doubts Sam would appreciate an interruption, no matter how friendly he’d been earlier.

He takes out his phone, dialing automatically.

“Hey, this is Ku-”

Blaine hangs up, but then without any input from his brain his fingers immediately hit Kurt’s name again. He ends the call before it can go through, because there is in fact a limit to how pathetic he’s willing to be. That’s good to know.

He scrolls idly through his contacts just so he has something to do. Pretending to be busy looking at his phone is better than just standing there in the middle of the party. Not that anyone’s paying much attention to him anyway.

His eyes catch on a name and he stops, thumb hovering above the screen. It’s a bad idea. He knows it’s a bad idea. But if there’s one person he can count on to pick up, this is it. Was it. He doesn’t know anymore.

He hits call for curiosity’s sake. That’s all.

The line rings long enough for him to doubt himself, to question what the hell he’s doing. Curiosity isn’t enough to justify this, and loneliness isn’t either. In fact, there’s no excuse he can think of that would stand up to scrutiny (to Kurt).

He just about to hang up when-

“Hey, Killer. To what do I owe the pleasure?”

It sounds off, tinged with a forced casualness that Blaine has trouble associating with Sebastian, who always had a way of making all the over the top things he said sound natural. But he can’t be that surprised; if Sebastian called him out of nowhere for the first time in months he’s sure he’d sound weird too. Well, he’d like to think he wouldn’t pick up at all, but since he’s the one actually calling it’s safe to say that’s a lie.

“Congratulate me. You are now talking to the student body president of McKinley High.”

Silence. Blaine knows Sebastian must have a million questions, ones he wouldn’t be able to answer even if he wanted to, but he’s hoping that he can depend on him for this one thing. To just take what’s being offered and act like this is normal. To make it normal.

“Congratulations. I guess the collective population of McKinley has a few functioning brain cells between them after all.”

Blaine laughs, more out of relief than anything else. “I’d be offended on my school’s behalf, but I did win on a campaign of hair gel and stripping so…”

“It’s sad that I can’t tell if you’re joking.”

“Oh, I’m dead serious. Freedom to gel is a fundamental right on par with the freedom of speech.”

Sebastian laughs, the sound bright and uncomplicated, and Blaine savors it.

“And you delivered those words of wisdom while stripping? Because that’d definitely win my vote.”

“My running mate did the stripping actually. His abs are way better than mine.”

“I don’t know if I believe that. I’d have to see them to compare.”

Blaine probably shouldn’t be smiling, but wildly inappropriate flirting was Sebastian’s normal and normal was what he wanted. And okay, he might have forgotten how nice it was. To be flirted with.

“Sorry, you’re just gonna have to trust me.”

“Yeah, I guess I will.”

There’s a lull in the conversation and Blaine should probably let it end, just leave it as this nice little moment between former friends. He could call it closure or something. Tying up loose ends.

But he really doesn’t want to.

“So who’s in the running at Dalton this year? Nick making a bid?”

Sebastian snorts. “It’s cute you think I care enough to know that.”

“Really? I thought you’d be into politics.”

“Politics, sure, but student government’s just a waste of time.” He seems to realize what he’d just said and continues, “At Dalton anyway. I mean if the Warbler’s council is anything to go by the student council is probably in place to prevent change from happening. But I’m sure you’ll be able to do some good at McKinley. If anyone can turn that cesspool around, it’s you.”

It was almost like Sebastian had realized he’d been tactless and tried to apologize. Huh.

“Thanks for that ringing endorsement. And hey, if last year’s anything to go by, if anyone can bring change to Dalton, it’s you.”

“Yeah, because last year went so well.”

The memory of the parking garage and the reason they’re not friends anymore hangs awkwardly for a moment before Sebastian says, “I’ll just do a write in vote for you, campaign to get you elected president of both schools. I bet your promise to bring hair gel and stripping to the masses will go over really well at Dalton.”

Blaine laughs softly. “Then I’d have to come back, right?”

“That’s the plan.”

“I miss it sometimes,” he admits. “A lot of the time. Even after… you know, everything.”

“Well trust me, the Warblers would kill to have you back.”

“I know. That’s kinda the problem.”

There’s a moment of silence, then Sebastian says, “They’re really sorry. For, you know, everything.”

“They are, huh.”

“Yeah, they are.”

Blaine smiles, soft, safe because Sebastian can’t see it. “Good to know.”

Sebastian clears his throat a little, brushing past the moment, and says, “Really though, congratulations. I’ll buy you a celebratory drink sometime.”

“How about now?” Blaine says, before he has time to think about it. Hearing Sebastian’s voice isn’t enough; he wants to see him.

“Seriously?”

“Did you already have plans?”

“Nothing I can’t cancel. But isn’t there a victory party you should be attending?”

Blaine looks around the crowded restaurant, at all his classmates celebrating. They’re probably more excited about the weekend then his win, but he can’t fault them that. It’s not like he’s put much effort into getting to know them. In any case, he doubts they’ll miss him.

“I did, but it’s pretty much over. You wanna meet me at Scandals?”

“I - okay. Sounds good.”

“Great! I’ll see you there.”

He hangs up, buzzing with anticipation. But that’s fine, normal, nothing to feel guilty about. He’d won, and he’s going to go celebrate with a friend. They can be friends again.

He knows Kurt wouldn’t approve, but Kurt’s not here. He’s not even picking up his phone.

It was just only a drink. What’s the worst that could happen?