#i do like melbourne though i do have some skin in this game

[kangaracha]

sometimes i'm like 'man maybe it would be funny to insert the melbourne vs sydney rivalry into queenmaker' and then i remember i'm not from either of those cities and i have no skin in this game

[kaiyves-backup]

I wrote this story back in High School for a class-wide Bad Hemingway Contest. It was one of very few creative projects I actually had in that class (as opposed to weekly essays), so I cut loose creating a bizarre tale of futuristic central Florida, high-stakes air hockey, non-alcoholic tasty drinks, and implied lunar colonization. Because it disappeared along with my old blog and wasn’t online anywhere else, I’m republishing it here. I had a dream with a very similar aesthetic recently, so perhaps another Zee Leonova tale may be in the cards…

6-6

The dock was long and dark and hung here and there with strings of old Christmas lights that swayed slightly in the coastal breeze and beyond them was the tidal estuary that some fool cartographer had once thought was a river and the name had stuck and beyond it you could see the lights of Melbourne winking. I sat at the long windowsill with no glass sipping my seltzer-and-cranberry-juice and trying to figure out what words to put in the bright, cream-colored notebook on the dark wooden sill and giving up and looking at the stars over the river that was not a river and enjoying the breeze. 

The other divers had come up from the ocean and the pilots had come down from the sky and the vacationers had come in from the beaches and tacky roadside attractions and I could hear the beeps and ringing noises from the tables on the other side of the restaurant as they all wasted money and time. 

“Writing again?” Bob asked. He was the owner and he was slowly wandering from table to table surveying the crowd.

“There’s a contest. ‘Could use the money. Gear’s not cheap.” I said.

“What’s it about?”

“I’m not sure. Something in the 1920s. Bullfighters. Fiestas. Depressed people.”

“Not your usual, Zee.”

“It sounds boring, but the rules were oh, so strict.”

The man and the woman walked in and we stopped to watch them and the man went to the bar and ordered two large lemonades and the robot brought them and the couple sat down. He was a wonderful bartender and Bob had bought him very cheap and his bronze metallic skin and dark optical sensors glinted in the dim light. Their khakis were dirty and the man carried a large camera bag and I felt as though I had seen him before.

“I’ve been a perfect fool, haven’t I?” The woman asked.

“Yes, and you ought to be ashamed of it. I was about to take the shot and your bloody sneeze scared it away.” The man drank his lemonade and ordered another.

The Not-So-Great Blue Heron, he meant. They were bird-watchers and they had come to try and photograph it because it was very rare and bird-watchers kept showing up to try and catch a glimpse of that wonderful and glorious bird that ate fish and knew not of human miseries and cares.

“That’s Arnold, you know.” Bob told me, as the man drank a third lemonade in one gulp and ordered another. 

I had heard of Ken Arnold before. He had been one of the best shooters on the circuit and he had won the championship at Cabeus in my father’s time and retired, but I had heard he found retirement boring after the constant action and thrown himself into photographic safaris.

“Oh please not another, Ken. You’ll get the runs.” The woman pleaded.

“I won’t get the runs. I’m only having some lemonade. I like the taste of lemonade.” He said, and ordered another. 

“She’s right, old man. Too much citrus is bad for the digestion.” Bob said, approaching them. “As the proprietor of this establishment—”

“Do you know who I am? I’m Ken Arnold! The best puck-shooter there ever was! I’ll give five hundred big ones to you or anybody else in this cruddy joint who can beat me at the table! Five hundred!” Arnold knocked his chair over as he stood up, prepared to fight Bob. Bob would have been no match for him, either in a fight or a game, so I interceded. 

We went to a table in the corner, by a tank full of native tropical fish that I recognized as a diver. They shone in neon hues like a fireworks display over Walt Disney World. Bob turned on the air and the black lights and Arnold gripped his mallet in his meaty hands and I grabbed mine and the puck shot out and glowed candy-apple green under the black lights and I lashed out and knocked it into his goal and scored first blood. But even retired and full of too much lemonade, Arnold was skilled and he matched me and managed to drink two more lemonades as he did so, and soon the score was 6-6 with only one point remaining.  

If Arnold’s rage had not made him careless, I never would have made it. He stretched to block one of my shots and left his goal wide open. I fired the puck forward and it flew like a rifle bullet and Arnold was a half-second too slow to do anything about it. The puck flew home into his goal and with an electronic ping, the scoreboard read “6-7”.

I smiled and wondered if the dive shop was still open.

[let-them-read-fics]

Saranghae

Requested by Anon: “Can i make a request for Blackpink RoséXFem!reader one shot/imagine where y/n always thought she was the one that said I love you first but she realizes rosé said it in korean when y/n was first learning it the first few months they were dating. like rosé says it and y/n is like wait what does that mean? and rosé teases her and doesn't say anything (holy crap this is long, sorry. i hope that makes sense. I asked someone else if they can write it but I dont think they're going to) thank you very much if you do🥺❤️”

Pairing: Rosé x Fem!Reader

Word Count: ~ 2,300

Warnings / Misc. -- Fluff, Happy Ending

Disclaimer: This writing is a work of fiction, and no disrespect is meant for those mentioned herein.

A/N: To the anon who requested this: Thank you! This is actually a really sweet ask, so hopefully I did it justice. I stuck with the gist of the prompt, but I added a little twist to it. I hope you enjoy; let me know what you think. Happy reading, everyone!

🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤

~~~ Flashback: A Few Months Into Your Relationship ~~~

“Baby, come grab the door, please!” You request, your hands busy holding the two steaming cups of hot cocoa you prepared for Rosé and yourself. At the sound of your voice, she sets down the notebook that she had been writing in, and makes her way to you. She appears in the doorway with a wide smile, her face lighting up when she spots the drinks. 

“How’d you know I wanted some?” She takes her mug from you, being careful not to move too quickly and spill it, and lays a kiss on your cheek -- her way of thanking you.

With a nonchalant shrug, you make your way across the room, saying over your shoulder, “It’s my superpower, duh. We’re just in sync like that.” The giggle that leaves her lips makes your heart flutter, and you can’t help but smile back.

Now armed with your beverages, the two of you sit back down on the floor next to each other, getting prepared for your mini lesson. The fluffy material of the carpet comforts you, and you settle in.

~~~~~~~

Rosé repeats the phrase one more time, slowing it down for you, enunciating the words as clearly as she can. Your gaze is set on her lips, taking note of how they purse and pout with the different syllables. You try again, albeit incredibly slow and choppy, but eventually the words manage to come out intelligible. She celebrates the win, quickly standing and pulling you up along with her for a victory dance; after all, it was a pretty tricky phrase for someone just starting out. She knows how competent you are though, and she wanted to give you a challenge. 

As the two of you stand there, doing a little dorky jig together, she takes a second to think. She is totally smitten with you: these past few months have been some of the happiest times of her life, and she owes a lot of that to you. There’s no one she’d rather have by her side like this, staying up well into the night to teach Korean to. She loves that you’re eager to learn more, and she’s ecstatic to be the one that gets to help you on that journey. It really is a special thing to her, and she doesn’t take it for granted. Time spent with you is heaven, regardless of what the two of you are doing. 

Rosé is pulled from her thoughts by the quiet sound of you yawning. Her heart nearly melts at the sight of your face all scrunched up, paired with the little wiggle that you do. She pulls you in, smiling as you nuzzle your face into her neck sleepily. “Rosé, I’d love to keep practicing, but I’m about to pass out.” Her hand comes up to run through your hair, the other one wrapped around your body to keep you close. “We should be going to bed anyway, babe. We can pick back up tomorrow, if you’d like.” She kisses your forehead tenderly as you just simply nod, your body too tired and brain too fried to do much of anything else. 

Once she’s tucked you in, making sure you’re comfortable and warm, she crouches down next to the bed. The lights are dimmed now, the only source of illumination being the moonlight that glitters in through the blinds, kissing your skin just right. Sitting there, face to face with you, she realizes that you’re her person. The one that she wants to wake up next to every morning and fall asleep wrapped around every night; the one to go on late night drives through the city with, stopping wherever your hearts desire; the one to hold through the bad times and comfort through the sad. You mean the world to her, and she can’t help but declare it.  

“사랑해, Y/N.” 

Despite only being half conscious, you’d never ignore the sound of her voice. “Mmm?” You mumble groggily, the noise making her laugh. She makes a mental note to add that to her list of favorite sounds. “Nothing, angel. Rest now.” With that, she goes to stand, but you catch her wrist before she can go. “No, tell me. Pleaaase?” Your eyes are open now, but just enough for her to see that beautiful sparkle in them. “Tomorrow. Now shhhh.” She leans down, placing a hand on your cheek to caress it, as she presses her lips to yours in an attempt to silence you. Her plan works, and she gives you a few more pecks before going to pick up and organize the books that were still strewn about on the floor. Not even a minute later, the sounds of your soft snores carry over to her ears, and she just shakes her head in amusement. 

~~~ The Next Day ~~~

“Alright, ready baby?”

“Do your worst.”

“Next up is… 사랑해.” Her eyes hold a hint of mischief, and you furrow your brow as you try to place where you’ve heard that. 

“Wait, wait, wait. Have you said this one before? It sounds familiar…” Now, deeply confused, you rack your brain. She plays innocent, though, having no intention of bringing up what happened the night before. With you being none the wiser, she’s content with teasing you for now. 

“Oh, that’s gonna drive me insane. Roseanne! What does it mean?” She chuckles at your frustration and use of her full name, but she doesn’t give in. Clearly, she gets a kick out of this. 

“Just start guessing, babe.”

~~~ Present Day, At The Blackpink Dorm ~~~

“Guys, I have the perfect game for tonight! Somebody was talking about it at the studio today: it’s called the Newlywed Game. I wanna see how well the lovebirds can do.” Lisa informs as she walks through the front door of the dorm, making her way into the living room where you and the girls are sitting. 

“Oh you’re on, Manoban. I know Rosé like the back of my own hand.” A smug expression takes over your features as you smirk at Lisa, standing up and playfully challenging her. 

“Oh yeah? Jennie and I are so gonna beat you.” She matches your energy, coming eye to eye with you, and she struggles to mask her grin. With the way she’s moving her lips to hide it, she kinda looks like a fish. 

Jisoo is next to speak as she goes to stand between the two of you, pretending to hold you back. “Hey, hey, break it up. Save it for the game.” Lisa sticks her tongue out at you, which prompts you to brush past Jisoo and tackle her onto the sofa. Jennie shouts, “Fight! Fight! Fight!” And soon, all of you are piled together in a heap of fake punches and throws, laughing loudly. 

{....} The Game {....}

“It’s neck and neck as our couples head into the final round; whoever wins this, wins the game.” Jisoo announces to no one, gesturing and looking to imaginary cameras around the room. “Contestants, are you ready?” Everyone nods in affirmation, and you give Rosé’s hand a loving squeeze. 

“Who was the first to say, ‘I love you’?”

At the question, you look to Rosé with a cocky expression on your face, absolutely convinced that you’ve got it in the bag. She scribbles her answer down on the white board -- yes, surprisingly, the girls had a few of them laying around the dorm -- and looks up at you with a smile. 

“Reveal your answers in 3...2...1…” Jisoo calls out in her best host voice, successfully creating suspense as she holds onto the numbers, dragging the count down out. 

“Now!”

Everyone flips their board around, and it seems as though time stops for a moment. Lisa and Jennie have the same answer, and you look to see what Rosé put -- despite being confident that you already know. Your jaw nearly drops to the floor as you read her name on the board.

“WHAT??” You exclaim, utter disbelief coursing through you: your whole life is a lie, it’s official. The other team is cackling by now, and you send them a mocking smile. 

Eyes now focused back on your partner, you say, “I totally said it first. Remember, that night after dinner with your parents back in Melbourne?” You hope something will click at that, her memory magically being jogged. Alas, that never happens. Everyone gets comfortable on the couches in preparation for the story she’s about to tell.  

“We hadn’t been dating super long, but it was when I was teaching you Korean back at your place. We cut the lesson short because you got sleepy, so I put you to bed. I couldn’t help myself though; you just looked so cute all cuddled up like that. I hadn’t expected for you to actually hear me, since I thought you had already passed out, but you asked me to tell you what it meant. I was stubborn and didn’t, of course,” You narrow your eyes at her, ready to stick up for your past self, but your heart secretly soars at how precious that story is.

“I love you, a lot, Rosé; but I hardly think that that counts, considering I was practically unconscious,” you say, putting emphasis on the word. The inner gamer in you is on full display, and you’re not ready to admit defeat yet. 

“Nope, we won, fair and square.” Lisa declares, exaggeratedly tossing her hair over her shoulder. You look to Jisoo, hands clasped together, eyes pleading, but she hands the victory to the other team. 

With a roll of your eyes, you tut at the loss; in no time, though, the feeling of Rosé’s arms snaking around you has you abandoning your little pity party, opting instead to smile at her. You pull her in for a kiss -- there’s no one you’d rather lose with, after all. Her lips turn up in a smile, and you can taste the cherry gloss on them. Eventually, the two of you decide to spare the others from your love-fest, and pull away. You keep an arm around her, your other hand busy being held by hers, and she lays her head on your shoulder. 

The playful atmosphere still stands, and Jennie goes to rub it in. “How’s it feel to lose, Y/N?” 

Dramatically, you look off into the distance, pretending to be in deep thought, before looking down at Rosé, and say, “With you, I can never lose; you’re the greatest prize I could ever ask for, Rosé.” The other girls let out a chorus of boos at your cheesy line, and Rosé lets out a little squeal as she scrambles to hide her blushing cheeks. With each laugh that she lets out, her body shakes against you, and you laugh right along with her. 

“Have I told you how adorable you are?” She asks, gazing up at you through her lashes. 

You purse your lips at her own cheesiness, and say, “Once or twice, I think. But tell me again.” 

Over the course of the night, she does just that -- multiple times, might I add -- and the 5 of you revel in each other’s company. Given their busy schedules, the opportunity to spend multiple hours with each other can be pretty rare; so, all of you thoroughly take advantage of the night. Karaoke sessions, Netflix binges, dance battles, food breaks, tickle fights -- anything you can think of, you guys probably did it. 

As things wind down, everyone is nodding off, and you take that as your cue to go. You remove your arms from their position around Rosé, the action drawing a whine from her, and you lay her back against the couch so that you can bid the girls goodnight.

“Sweet dreams, Y/N.” Jisoo says, voice laced with exhaustion, as she flips the small pillow in front of her over to the cool side. 

“Night, loser.” Lisa’s grin can be heard through her words, and you lightly smack her as you go by.

“Sleep well, Y/N. We love you.” Jennie is the most awake of any of them, and she reaches up to give you a hug. 

“Goodnight guys, we’ll see you in the morning.” Arms are thrown up into the air as a sign of acknowledgement to your statement, and you make your way back to Rosé.

She’s curled up against the side of the sofa, her hair falling gracefully over the armrest. Not having the heart to wake her up, you opt to scoop her up into your arms, smiling as she drapes hers around your neck. Her skin is warm against your own, and you take comfort in the feeling. Somehow she always manages to be so, so perfect, without even trying. As you make the journey back to her room, you’re careful to not bump into anything. She shifts a bit in your arms, and your heart nearly stops when she lazily mumbles your name in her sleep, a cute smirk on her lips. Nothing feels better than this.

Now in her bedroom, you slowly lean against the door until it shuts, and the soft sound of it latching behind you echoes across the silent space. You lay her down and pull the sheets up on her -- just as she had done that day, all those months ago -- and press a kiss to her cheek. “사랑해, Rosé.” As you climb into bed next to her, she rolls over to face you. A small smile plays on her beautiful lips as she says, “I heard that; I love you, too, baby.” A content sigh leaves your lips as you beam at her and pull her into your embrace. You wouldn’t want to be anywhere else in the world right now.

🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤

Thanks for reading!!!

[eugenesmorphine]

A Game Of Chasing // Robert “Bob” Leckie Imagine

Taglist: @alienoresimagines​

Words: 1,903

 The squad sat in a circle within a foxhole. Runner was busy cleaning his rifle, Hoosier was smoking and shooting the shit with Chuckler and Robert. Y/N was leaning against the packed up dirt wall, just watching the group of men. A smile on her lips with a lit cigarette between them. Robert looked at Y/N.

 "Hey Doll, can you pass me a cigarette?" he asked, nodding towards Y/N. Who chuckled and shook her head, reaching for pack of smokes that rested in her left breast pocket. Tossing him the pack.

 "Sure thing Bob. Just one thing though, I'm not your 'Doll'," Hoosier chuckled and shook his head. Robert and Y/N had a weird thing going. They were always flirting. But not in the usual flirty way. More like Robert chased her like no tomorrow. Compliments, promises, straight up telling her that he knew that they would get married one day and have a family. That this war brought them together. Whilst Y/N always shot him down with comebacks and sarcasm. But each comeback just made him want her even more. Though, Y/N never truly meant the comebacks as crude and mean insults, she always said them with a smile and laughing. Many thought Robert was trying all this time to get in her pants like any other Marine. But, he truly fell in love with the female Marine. And some thought Y/N truly didn't like Robert, but they were almost just as wrong as the people that misread Bob. She fell for Bob, she just didn't want to admit it. She knew with this war it was too difficult to love someone. So she put off her feelings and just played along with the cat and mouse game with Leckie.

 "Aw come on Y/N, you know you love me," Bob spoke with a smile. Y/N shook her head and pushed herself up to stand. She smirked at him and plucked her almost finished cigarette from her lips and flicked it away. Looking back at the Marine that sat between her friends. She then gave a small wink to Robert and turned, stepping out of the large foxhole and walking off to wherever.

 "You've got it bad for her don't you, Leckie?" Hoosier laughed while Robert smirked. He crossed his arms and puffed out of the smoke from his cigarette. Hoosier's question grasped the rest of the guy's attention.

  "I'm telling you guys, her and I are gonna get married! I promise you that!" he spoke loudly, placing his hands behind the back of his head and leaned back. While the other guys scoffed and told him to keep dreaming. But, Robert just chuckled and ignored them.

///

 Weeks later, the Marines were in were Melbourne, Australia. They were dressed nice in their service Charlies. It was the second night in the Australian city, where the squad was out at a nice bar and dancing joint. Hoosier actually got up from his nap to come join the group of men and the one lady. They sat around a table in the beginning, drinking and smoking whilst talking with each other. It wasn't long before the guys found women to dance, flirt, and grab at. Leaving Y/N sitting by herself as she drank. That's right, among the men in the group that went and grabbed an Australian broad, was indeed Robert Leckie. He was tipsy, he couldn't think straight she guessed. So she just sat at the table drinking, watching her friends have fun with some girls.

 Hoosier came and dropped back in, seemingly bored. He looked at the woman who was just fiddling with her drink. Trying to figure out if she wanted to act on her feelings or not. And Bill knew exactly that. He chuckled, catching the female's attention. Who raised a brow at him as she pushed her empty beer glass away. "What?" she asked.

 "Go talk to him. You know that the moment you ask he will drop that chick and bend to your every will?" He scoffed. Y/N's cheeks reddened, already knowing who he was talking about, not even needing to heat his name. Her gaze went from him, straight to her empty glass that sat in front of her.

 "I don't know what you're talking about Hoos," Y/N straightened her back and swallowed hard, looking back at the Marine that sat to her side. Who just raised an eyebrow and chuckled sarcastically. Knowing that she understood his words, just didn't want to admit it. Though, before he could speak, Y/N stood and excused herself. Quickly turning and walking out of the bar. Hoosier just sat there and sighed, turning to look at Leckie, who was looking back at him and pushing away the Blonde that was on his lap.

 In Robert's infamous tipsy wisdom, thought that if he used a random Australian girl to flirt and grab at, maybe Y/N would step up and try to talk to him. Leckie got Hoosier to try to get her attention after the plan wasn't exactly working, and look how far that got him. He pushed away the Blonde, who now was quite angry but huffed and walked away. Leckie walked over to Hoosier and huffed. "What happened?" he grunted. Hoos shrugged and stood up, putting a hand on his shoulder.

 "You're plan wasn't all that smart, buddy," Hoosier answered. Giving him a face and walking passed him. Whilst Bob just looked at the door that Y/N just walked out of. He pursed his lips and pursued the female's footsteps. Pushing open the door and walking outside. The brisk air hitting his skin and the smell of salt water from the nearby ocean filled his nostrils. He looked to his left and saw Y/N who was struggling to light her cigarette.

 "Aw come on! Son of a bitch," she cursed as she repeatedly kept flicking the lighter with her thumb. It just wouldn't light. She huffed and tilted her head up, the cigarette sticking up from her lips. That's when Robert swooped in. A smirk on his lips as she didn't notice his presence right away.

 "Need a light?" he asked, holding up his lighter. Y/N jumped, nearly dropping her cigarette. She placed a hand on her chest and looked at him. Bob was now chuckling while still holding up his lighter for the woman.

 "Goddamn it Leckie! Don't sneak up at me like that! I thought you were some fucking Jap!" she cursed, snatching the lighter out of his grasp and lighting her cigarette. Handing the lighter back and looking away. It was clear the imprint of him with his paws all over some other woman was still making her upset. Leckie noticed the behavior and his face softened as he stood next to the woman.

 "Hey Doll I," he started, trying to give an explanation. Like stated before, their chemistry and relationship was kind of strange in explaining what it actually was. Y/N just plucked her cigarette from her lips and blew out the nicotine filled smoke. Holding the cancer stick between her index and middle finger. A sigh leaving her lips.

 "Save it, Leckie," she spoke. Robert noticed how bad he must've messed up. She only called him by his last name when she was either really upset or angry at him. He was guessing she was feeling both those emotions heavily towards him. He just turned his body to look at her. He was clearly about to not save his words.

  "It's a funny story actually. I got that girl so I could try to make you jealous and maybe you would come dance with me or," Y/N cut him off with a scoff and a sarcastic laugh. She threw her cigarette butt on the ground quite harshly. Robert quickly noticed her feelings of anger. Her head tilted to the side as she turned to look at him.

 "How much of a broad do you think I am to just get all upset to see you with another girl? We aren't together Leckie! God, sometimes I think you are just like the rest of the Marines around us. Just trying to get in my pants," she hissed. Robert pressed his lips together. Not at all realizing the effect this had on her. "How about that girl you were pawing over and kissing, I don't think she was in on the joke. You men treat us women like objects! God, I thought you weren't like all the others! Turns out you are just some horny grunt that wants to get some!" each of her word cut into him like a dagger. He thought over his actions and realized he was in fact an idiot. He didn't even know how to defend himself against these woman's words. Though, with him just staring at her wasn't making her feel any better.

 "Look Y/N, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt your feelings or make you feel these ways. I just," he tried to defend.

  "You just wanted to get my attention," she took a step towards him and grabbed onto his collar tightly. "If I was a boy I'd clock you one right now. Maybe even twice. One fore me. And one for that Blonde in the bar," Y/N spat. Leckie's breath hitched as she was just inches away from him. Noses almost touching. He grabbed her wrist, her hand in a fist. Bringing it up and pressing it under his chin.

 "Then do it, give me a big black eye, Y/N," he huffed. For a brief moment, there was silence. The tension between the two was astronomical. Y/N huffed and pulled him down by his collar harshly. Smashing his lips onto hers. Leckie's eyes widened in shock at first, but quickly moved his arms to grab at her waist. While both of her hands locked onto his collar. Their lips moving together perfectly. Like a puzzle coming together perfectly.

 The kiss lasted for about a minute and a half. He pulled away slowly, staring down at the feisty woman in front of him. "Feisty, I like it," Bob said. Y/N chuckled, her anger seemingly slipped away.

  "Watch it, Robert," she spoke, placing a finger on his lips. He just laughed and shut his eyes for a moment. Trying to process what just happened. "I'm gonna turn in for the night, you can go back to boys. But I don't want to hear you dancing with some other girl!" she warned jokingly. Leckie nodded quickly. Snapping to attention and saluting.

 "Yes ma'am," He shouted. Y/N shook her head and slapped his shoulder, pressing her lips to his cheek. Leaving an imprint of her victory red lipstick on his cheek.

  "Oh hush there Marine. You got my lipstick on your cheek, that way those girls know your taken," with those finishing words, Y/N lit another cigarette and placing it between her lips. She turned and walked the street. Walking towards a trolley bus in order to hitch a ride back to the stadium. Leckie just sat there, still shocked as what happened and the major turn of events. He wasn't complaining though. He just turned around, and with a smirk, he strides back into the bar. Ready to boast about what just happened to the boys.

[bloodfcst-a]

GET TO KNOW THE BLOGGER.

✧ can be used for RP and non-RP blogs to get to know a bit about the person behind the screen!

1. FIRST NAME:  i used to go by my middle name, nina, but now i go by pacifica or paci.

2. STRANGE FACT ABOUT YOURSELF: i have a bunch of weird ailments that honestly are just wild. like sometimes my nerves make me spasm or collapse or i’ll become hyperflexible. my kidneys decided they were lonely so they are... snuggled together... and i’ve had cancer a few times. it’s exhausting. 

3. TOP THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU FIND ATTRACTIVE ON A PERSON:  - smile /  facial features. outside of aesthetics, you can tell if someone is superficial or genuine through the intensity of their smile, or if they’re fabricating their appearance or background. i wouldn’t want someone to pretend for me. i want them to be how they are. - personal care. i don’t have preferences on hair / grooming outside of being well-kempt. file your nails & clean them ( like if ur a mechanic or factory worker or other types of physical labor, i get it-- but like an office worker with black nails? ick ), brush/comb/finger detangle/style your hair, make sure your clothes are reasonably presentable... clean, like you actively tried to come up with an ensemble. - physique. not saying people need to be like 8 pack or straight out the gym. nor am i saying i need someone to be like mega massive or mega thin. but preferably someone who like... is comfortable in the skin they’re in, and cares about their body. at the least, cares about what goes in their body and how much their body does for them. 

4. A FOOD YOU COULD EAT FOREVER AND NOT GET BORED OF:  haribo snacks.

5. A FOOD YOU HATE: i cannot handle the smell of mustard or mayonnaise. i will literally walk out of a room.

6. GUILTY PLEASURE:  i try to cut out needless carbs and snack foods, but y’all........ throw some good naan or pita at me and i’m a sucker. i love my hot cheetos and takis, pls don’t take them from me.

7. WHAT DO YOU SLEEP IN:  a sweater and panties tbh. i’ve turned into that basic single person in their 20s. if i’m cold i’ll throw on sweatpants too.

8. SERIOUS RELATIONSHIPS OR FLINGS:  i vastly prefer serious relationships, but there’s got to be a lot of build up to it for me to pursue someone in that manner. that being said, idk why, apparently i seem unapproachable or intimidating, but i’ve always had to ask out the person i liked.... ask me out first, u fools. i’ve tried to do flings but like i always feel guilty afterward bc i’m not invested, i just pretend hoping maybe i’ll fool myself in the process and i don’t lmao. that being said, it’s been like over a year since i’ve last dated, and two years had passed between that partner and the previous one. 

9. IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN THE PAST AND CHANGE ONE THING ABOUT YOUR LIFE, WOULD YOU AND WHAT WOULD IT BE: nothing. maybe switch my triple minor to an interdisciplinary double major because that sounds cooler in this point in my life. but other than that? i feel like i did well with the cards that were handed to me. they shaped me into who i am now. and now i’m trying to continue to be a person past me would be proud of. i want to live a life with little to no regrets. to pursue everything i can while i have the opportunity to. 

10. ARE YOU AN AFFECTIONATE PERSON: physically, yes. emotionally, it depends. my coworkers are always either thrilled to see me or are like “ it’s paci being over the top cute. ” i love coming into the room to give hugs or do random acts of service or to shower someone with surprise gifts just to say i appreciate them. however, i can be emotionally distant at times and i don’t like to involve people into things. i still feel guilty on most occasions when i vent,  even though i know it’s healthy to do. i feel like it’s not other people’s responsibility to deal with my problems or have to endure them, even if it’s as little involvement as listening. such an attitude isn’t great, but... at least i can recognize that now? lmao. u know. baby steps. i’m still learning to trust and let people in. when my former best friend broke my heart it really messed me up in a lot of ways.

11. A MOVIE YOU COULD WATCH OVER AND OVER AGAIN: i love pocahontas, mulan, princess and the frog, and peter pan starring mary martin. i’ve been watching that specific peter pan since like..... birth......... and it’s still one of my favorite films.

12. FAVORITE BOOK:  dante’s divine comedy.

13. YOU HAVE THE OPPORTUNITY TO KEEP ANY ANIMAL AS A PET, WHAT DO YOU CHOOSE: a long-haired cat, preferably a tortoise color. i’ve always thought munchkin cats were the cutest. i’d want something that is as independent and self-sufficient as i am.

14. TOP FIVE FICTIONAL SHIPS [IF YOU ARE AN RP BLOG, YOU CAN USE YOUR OWN SHIPS AS WELL]:  yufi & age-appropriate love and joy. tseng also deserves love. & literally everyone in ace attorney could get it..... except dahlia hawthorne, forget her. also... all the important people in devil may cry deserve someone. so.... that’s what i have for you. 

15. PIE OR CAKE: pie. i don’t eat nearly enough of it. kinda underrated in the pnw, i feel like? but in the midwest we loved pies... kinda miss that.

16. FAVORITE SCENT:  sandalwood, vanilla, lavender, and gentle scents like  ‘ ocean ’  or  ‘ linens ’.

17. CELEBRITY CRUSH:  shrugs? no one atm. i do not keep up with pop culture these days. can i count kyo from dir en grey? i’ve thought he was hot for the last 15 years and counting........ 14 y/o me was really like “ he’s the one ” too!! 

18. IF YOU COULD TRAVEL ANYWHERE, WHERE WOULD YOU GO: i love visiting friends. and like... idk? japan is still interesting, as is italy and greece and jerusalem. but i don’t have like... a burning urge to go anywhere. i’d like to return to vietnam & cambodia at some point as well. people tell me melbourne is my kind of vibe, but... i’ll get there when i get there. 

19. INTROVERT OR EXTROVERT:  ambivert. though for all that i project in personality, i do take a lot of time to myself to kind of recharge, as you will.

20. DO YOU SCARE EASILY:  i do. but i still like scary games bc i enjoy the thrill and chase. suspense is really cool-- gore is not, imo.

21. IPHONE OR ANDROID:  android. i’ve been using samsung galaxy phones since like 2013 and i’m not going back now. i had an ipad once and........ i’m over that. but i’m not like gonna participate in the dumb android vs apple debate........ we’re adults and it’s 2020, c’mon now. put ur energy into something else.

22. DO YOU PLAY ANY VIDEO GAMES: y’all......... i wish i could be like ‘ i’m a gamer grl ’ but the truth is that i mainly collect games and say i’ll play them but it takes me a trillion years sfdgiohfgiohdf. my backlog is shameful. we don’t talk about that. that being said, i just took up ace attorney: spirit of justice this evening & i’ve been playing through kingdom hearts iii and yakuza 0 as of late. 

23. DREAM JOB: to write poetry & creative nonfiction at my leisure dfogihdohg. travelling writer, sharing about cultures all over the world & the beauty of interaction. very whimsical, i know! i also love studying languages and culture...... so it’s no question writing, sociology, cultural anthropology and linguistics were/are my fields of study. 

24. WHAT WOULD YOU DO WITH A MILLION DOLLARS: pay off my loans, throw like half of it in savings for it to grow, give some to my mum bc she deserves to live comfortably, and..... take some time off work to just relax and rediscover myself. while work does give me purpose, it also takes away from my creative pursuits so like... that blows.

25. FICTIONAL CHARACTER YOU HATE: it took me like 10 years for sorceress adel to stop giving me nightmares, so like. probably her. the pennywise energy was too strong. and on that note...... all clowns and clownlike energy should just burn. pennywise, saw. y’all got to go.

26. FANDOM THAT YOU WERE ONCE A PART OF BUT AREN’T ANY LONGER: final fantasy, ahaha. also metal gear. xeno like doesn’t have a place for it to gather and it’s ridonk small..... but i love xeno games. and i used to love watching sbfp but since they disbanded... it’s a sad world out there. 

✧ tagged by: @burmecias-protector​ + @enshijou​  i got this from both of y’all xoxo

✧ tagging: @shimmerseas​ @extremepath​ @east--moon​ @evercharmed​ @verumking​ @dawnled​ @90smagicalboy​ @meyvn​ @breselin​ @petallines​ @redsown​ @starszakrew​ @onlyliberty​ @angereve​ + if this suits your fancy! 

[emotionalgirl101]

Question | Chapter 5

Words: 2,046

Genre: college au, angst, fluff

Pairing: SKZ x reader

Summary: Your best friend, Minho, had been refusing to introduce you to his other group of best friends for months now, with no explanation as to why. One night after getting drunk after work together, he gave in to your pleas. Oops.

Warning: Contains mature content (such as coarse language, violent themes, etc).

A/N: So the fact that I wrote the last one quickly kinda cursed me. I saw Stray Kids in Melbourne on February 21st. It was, without exaggeration, one of the best experiences in my life. Many firsts, like flying interstate alone, going to a concert alone, first Kpop concert, first hi-touch, etc. I met the most amazing people that adopted me and I’m so grateful! STAY is truly the nicest fandom🥰 and SWERVED👏🏻SO👏🏻FREAKING👏🏻HARD👏🏻 - Im honestly still in denial. This is dedicated to all my STAYs from the SKZ Aus page and my online STAY mutuals x

P.s. Eunwoo as in Pristin Eunwoo~~ I promise these chapters are necessary!

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 7

-------------------------------

You just could not escape these boys. It was like an omen of some kind. Good or bad, you weren’t sure, but the fact you didn’t go a day in the week without seeing one of your best friend’s roommates seemed like less of a coincidence. After seeing Chan on Monday and Woojin on Tuesday, you had only expected to see one person you knew today; Eunwoo.

You guys had become friends around the same time you had met Minho. The only difference was the class you met in and the fact that Eunwoo actually knew what was going on more than half the time. Lucky you so happened to sit next to her that first day. You learnt after a project you decided to collaborate on that you had accidentally become best friends. You were more than satisfied. A year down the track, and you learnt that Eunwoo and Minho were all you needed.

Eunwoo had decided to coax you out of your apartment for several reasons, the main one being that you needed to by Rena’s birthday present. You had met Eunwoo’s group of friends only a month or so down the line. You loved Rena, but you were practically inseparable from Eunwoo.

You were dressed, but barely awake, when you heard a knock at the door. You sacrificed breakfast in order to get another 10 minutes sleep. Something Eunwoo had anticipated, holding a coffee in one hand and a brown paper bag in the other, when you answered the door. You could smell the fresh chocolate croissant from the door way.

“Good morning!” She eagerly cheered. She alternated lifting her hands slightly, left than right, indicating you to make your choice. Food won. You could always grab something to drink later in the day. Side stepping to let her in, Eunwoo strutted into your apartment, feeling as comfortable as she did in her own home. 

You were a little jealous of how well put together she always managed to look. Makeup flawless, hair as smooth as silk, and a consistently bright demeanour, She was wearing a cropped, long sleeve tee. The black stripes horizontal, to synch in her waist. She paired it with a black skater skirt, and a tan winter coat. Her hair was in loose curls and the blonde strands still carrying a peach hue. A loose beret adorned her head. Black heeled boots and a designer bag dangling from the crook of her arm.

You close the door and head to the the kitchen counter. Eunwoo was already a step ahead of you. The unravel the package ungracefully, mumbling a ‘thank you’ after you take your first bite. She just giggled at you. “Welcome!~”

“Okay, first things first. Game plan.” Eunwoo was a master at shopping for gifts, the shopping part at least. She was just as indecisive and doubtful in her choices as you were. She brought out a folded receipt, her list on the back of it. You leaned into one another, mapping out your day. “Hit theses three places first. If no luck, we can go to this cute store on the second floor. Then, stop for coffee and a catch up at this cafe. Then continue to these to.” She barely breathed when running through the schedule. 

“And if all else fails?” You turned to her, an eyebrow slightly raised. You smile at each other. A cluster of giggles escape between the two of you after you say ‘gift card’ in unison.

-

You had been to the first three stores without success. The first store had some nice statement pieces, but nothing that you unanimously felt Rena would choose on her own. The second store was a completely different vibe. You found too many things you thought she would like, but it was wrong for factors like having an odd detail that wouldn’t suit her, or a colour that wouldn’t match her skin tone, or she had something similar, if not identical.

Store 3 wasn’t clothing. Eunwoo had misinterpreted the name, and it ended up being a kids store. You would’ve loved to see the reaction of on-lookers. The confusion on your faces, the short look exchanged, and the laughter would’ve been a sight. They’d think you were delusional, which was definitely possible at this stage. You had spent hours that you didn’t necessarily want to spare.

“Okay, so the fourth place is closed.” Eunwoo deadpanned as you reached the foot of the entrance. “Figures.” You sighed. Eunwoo turned to you, a twinkle returning to her chocolate eyes. “Coffee?” You smiled in hand with a repeat of ‘coffee’ to confirm.

You walked to the coffee shop after reaching the bottom level of the shopping centre. Eunwoo opened the door after exclaiming how cute she found the pastel themed café. She lead the way to a quaint table against the far window, with a small pot plant centrepiece attracting her attention. She offered to order drinks for the both of you, previously deciding to share a slice of cake in the way to your current location. 

You fished out your phone, which lacked any notifications to your irritation. You settled with scrolling through your newsfeed. You felt a waiter walk past you, almost, but then backtrack. You weren’t interested in looking up, guessing whoever it was had found something interesting going on on the other side of the glass beside you.

“Y/n?” The figure voiced. Now you had to look up. To your delighted surprised, your eyes met the soft smile of Hyunjin. “How’s it going?” His face changed to a genuine smile, quickly taking Eunwoo’s abandon seat. You were too happy to talk to the boy. He seemed so bright and bubbly the other night. From what you remembered, at least. “Really good, actually. The week off and hangover free.” You beamed, before returning the question in the younger’s direction. 

“Yeah, really good.” Nodding once with enthusiasm, and leaning back into the chair as he continued. “Working every so often. You should’ve seen Felix after you left. It was hilarious.” At the words, the glint in his eye and the tone of his voice both changed to convey mischief. Felix had slept through practically the whole day, to your knowledge. He was still passed out from the night when you left that afternoon. “I’m guessing he remembered nothing? He didn’t do anything bad, anyway, though.”

Hyunjin smirked at your words, elbows return to the table, and an ever so slightly hushed voice hummed out the following words. “But he didn’t know that.” You cottoned on immediately. “What did you tell him?” You were leaning back, arms folded and ears perked.

Hyunjin feigned hurt at such an accusation, a pout replacing his smirk. “Me? I did nothing… “It was Jeongin and Seungmin, wasn’t it?” He smiled. You had your answer. “That poor boy…” You ran a hand through your hair, trailing off as if you were pulling away your words with the fingers laced in your strands. Almost as quickly, you snapped back to Hyunjin’s gaze, mirroring his posture on the table. “Tell me everything.” You cheekily beamed.

The excitement at divulging the information was failed to be hidden in Hyunjin’s body language. “Okay, so first Jeongin told him that he broke Changbin’s headphones.” 

“Oooh..” You could just feel the pain of the thought as if it was a hit in the stomach. “He would’ve felt so guilty…” Realisation then washed over you, Hyunjin regaining your attention. “You said ‘firstly’. What else did you con him in to thinking?”

“Seungmin asked if he remembered meeting you. He nodded, but you should’ve seen the colour drain from his face.” You mumbled an ‘uh oh’ at the fact you were somehow wrapped up in all this without even being present at the time. “Seungmin said he admitted he found you attractive and proceeded to try to find an excuse to kiss you.” Shaking your head, “How did he take that?”

“He. Was. Mortified.” Hyunjin had no ounce of sympathy in his voice, a cheeky grin still painted on his rosy lips. “He told him he managed to kiss your cheek when you went to bed.” You were confused at where he was going with this. “That’s not so bad.”

“Until Jeongin told him that Minho planned to murder him in his sleep until Chan stopped him. He avoided Minho for two days!” You both burst out laughing. “Oh, yeah, because Minho would’ve been at work when Felix woke up…” The genius of the Maknae dawning on you. 

“That’s not even the best part.” Hyunjin continued. You’re brows indicated your confusion. “Minho had no clue what was going on. So he had no clue why every time he tried to talk to Felix, Felix ran away or found an excuse to leave the room.” You both laughed. You could picture that cute, confused expression on Minho’s face without trouble. You had seen it so many times, even having it as your wallpaper on your phone at one point.

“That’s perfect.” You mused. “Did Felix figure out it was all fake?” Hyunjin snickered at your words. “This morning, yeah.” You were practically in tears. Part of you felt bad for the kid, but the opportunity was too perfect to waste. “Go maknaes!” You cheered.

“Alrighty. It was good to chat, but I probably should go check on Jeongin. He’s probably broken the coffee machine or something.” He stood from the chair. “Wait. Jeongin works here, too? I thought he didn’t have a job.” You were trying to put two and two together when Hyunjin put you out of your misery. “He only just got the job. He started today, and I’m having to mentor him.” A playful eye roll following his words.

“Sucks being the smart one, doesn’t it?” You smirked at him. “You bet.” A light chuckle followed. “Want me to tell him you’re here?” He offered, but an idea had bloomed in your mind, so you let him in on your plan. “Don’t say anything. Just send him over with our order and I’ll hide my face til he comes over. It’s the one ordered by the girl in the striped shirt.” Hyunjin followed the gesture of your finger, turning back to you, smiling. “As you wish.” He winked. He was gone.

Eunwoo returned with a slice of chocolate cheese cake and a raised eyebrow. “Was the barista trying to pick you up, or something?” You couldn’t contain your laugh at the distain she held in her voice. “Okay, I guess he’s cute.” She sighed and sinked into her seat. The plate took its home on the wooden table, and you each grabbed a small fork to start devouring it. “So?” Eunwoo prided at you, before shovelling the sliver into her mouth. Her eyes looking at you expectantly.

You giggled again, hand covering your mouth so it at least looked like you had some sort of table manners. “He’s Minho’s roommate, Hyunjin. I went over the other night and met them all. One of the guys got drunk and forgot everything, so they tricked him into believing he did all this stuff.” Eunwoo nodded, but you weren’t able to tell if it was from enjoying the food or if she was satisfied with your story. She swallowed. “Fair enough.” The weird expression returned to her face, as she notice you digging at your shared slice with the fork in your left hand. “And why are you covering your face?”

You smiled cheekily, which got Eunwoo’s full attention. “The youngest roommate just got a job here, and he doesn’t know I’m here, so we came up with a plan to surprise him.” Eunwoo gave a small smile at that. “That’s cute.” Her head snapped up and to your right as you both heard foot steps approaching. With a quick look back at you, she winked, and let her eyes settle back on the nervous boy carrying a tray of drinks in his hands.

“One iced coffee?” Jeongin’s voice was slightly shaky. He was masking his nerves well. Eunwoo tentatively raised her hand as he place her order in front of her. Without another word, he placed the second drink in front of you. Then his eyes flickered to your face.

“Noona?” He couldn’t hide the surprise on his face as his jaw fell slack. You chuckled a bit and asked, “How’s your first day going?” He regained his composure, beaming down at you. “Good! Did Hyunjin hyung see you? He didn’t tell me you were here.” You and Eunwoo burst into giggles, glancing from the boy and back to each other. “She asked him not to.” Eunwoo looked at you, leaning on the table and her chin resting in the palm of her hand. It didn’t go unnoticed by Hyunjin from across the café. “He told me about the prank you guys pulled on Felix.” He smiled cheekily, “What do you think?” He waited for your answer in anticipation. “I just wish I could’ve played along”. Eunwoo rolled her eyes at your antics, but you knew she’d want in on it, too. After all, she loved surprising people.

>>

[word-foolery-blog]

Death to the ‘Dream Role’

I am four years old and so is my friend, Raine.  Our little world is simple, and the sun we revolve around is none other than the phenomenon of the Spice Girls.  We can’t get enough, memorising the dialogue of Spice World, creating routines to their music - even making our parents sit through a painfully underproduced tribute band performance at the local town hall.  One afternoon, Raine and I invite a few other kids from the neighbourhood to join us on Planet Spice.  When we realise that there are as just as many of us as there are them, we decide to assign each person a Spice Girl to match our personalities.  

Sweet Raine is tall for her age; an athletic brunette who, of course, took Mel C’s Sporty Spice character.  A bubbly girl with a loud laugh is our designated Geri Halliwell.  I ask to be considered for the role of Baby Spice, because her platform shoes and obsessive sweet tooth speak volumes to me.

“No, you have to be Mel B,” one kid points out to me, “because none of us look like her.  You do, though. Look like her. Kinda.”

I stare at this kid, puzzled.  It’s true that I am the only person there with brown skin, but Mel B is much darker than I am, and her hair has beautiful honey-coloured curls, juxtaposing my dark, glossy mop.  I don’t really look like her at all.  But before I can have an opinion, the game continues.  I decide to embody Scary Spice regardless - her powerful stance, her loudness, her ever-protruding tongue a flip of the bird to whoever dares cross her.  She is strong and brave, so I am strong and brave.  But the platform-wearing, lollipop-sucking blonde deep down in my soul weeps for her lost opportunity.

(Sidenote:  A version of this exact same scenario appears on the brilliant Hulu show “PEN15”, in which writer Maya Erskine lets all mixed-race kids in white neighbourhoods who were forced into Spice-tokenism that they are not alone.  We love you, Maya!)

I am twelve years old.  I live in regional Australia, just outside of Melbourne.  The musical theatre bug has not only bitten me, it has devoured me.  I am a willing slave - downloading cast albums in their entirety (illegally), hungrily ingesting whatever was new and exciting in New York, as well as the classics that the new shows had fashioned themselves after.  I gather information about the history of musical theatre and began to understand the timeline.  I watch illegal bootlegs, copied onto blank DVDs in jewel disc cases on my nightstand.  This is the stuff of my dreams.

We are on our way to a rehearsal in the city.  We are mostly white, only a few other Asian or brown kids in the mix (reflective of Melbourne’s melting pot).  Some prepubescent queen decides we will play a game.  We’re going to think of a musical we all love, and then try to see if we can cast ourselves in the roles of that show (this is the beautiful high of the preteen theatre geek).

We land on Wicked, which at the time had never been produced on our hemisphere, let alone our city.  We had to base our decisions on a fully memorised cast album and the pictures in “Wicked: The Grimmerie”, which we passed around to each other like the Travelling Pants.

The casting process is painfully familiar.  I have in mind for myself the role of Boq, given that he is described as being short (which I am) but sweet (which I like to think I am).  But when the finger lands on me, our self-proclaimed leader pauses.

“Hmm,” he says.  “Well, you’re really good at dancing, so you should be the flying monkey!”

Joan Marcus’ portrait of the original Chistery, Manuel Herrera, flashes before me.  He is in repose, face covered by an abstract monkey headpiece, huge bat-like wings on his back.  He never speaks, but he does get to fly.  That should be enough, right?

(Okay, sorry, another sidenote: According to both Telsey & Co. and several prospective agents and managers, both of us were right.  Oy.)

I am eighteen years old.  I have just moved to New York City to study musical theatre, inching ever-closer to the stuff of my dreams.  I am asked, early on and by several people, what my dream role in a play or musical would be.  My answers are vague - Angel in Rent, I guess?  Sonny in In The Heights?  Although I love both of these shows, I only barely identify with these characters.  I have learned to identify with their (traditionally cast) brown skin.  

As my course progresses and I learn more and more about the canon of musicals, the list expands and my horizons broaden.  I fall in love with characters who populate my new grown up Broadway bucket list: Chip in On The Town, the Emcee in Cabaret, Boy in Peter and the Starcatcher - all originally played by white actors, but have no discernible characteristics that would prevent my playing them.

I am twenty-five years old.  I make a living in musicals, most of them about people of colour, their history, their struggles and triumphs.  I remain proudly in the ensemble mostly, although the occasional featured character busts out from time to time.  I love my work.

Lately, the idea of a “dream role” has been bugging me, because I cannot remember a recent time in which I really had a certain character or show in mind.  I wondered at first if this because I have never really played a principal character in a show - and then I remembered that there are no principal roles for men like me.  I am a baby-faced Asian baritone - they don’t write shows about us (listen, I read that back and it reeks of a pity party, but if it ain’t the damn truth!!).  I must reiterate also that I love being an ensemble player.  The underlying connotation that sometimes carries in these conversations is that our job is not worth much, and that is nonsense.  Being in the ensemble of a great musical takes talent, humility, style and grace.  But no one’s ever asked me what my dream ensemble was (for the record, it’s the ensemble track in The Wedding Singer).

For marginalised people, the idea of the dream role only extends so far; for us, the only roles we dream of are the ones we think we’re “correct” for - those which the majority have decided are appropriate.  These decisions are not based on our humanity or ability, but on cultural tropes that are as outdated as they are irreversible - so much so that unlearning them is proving to be the most difficult task of all for many who have not experienced such insidious prejudice.

Dream roles also reinforce the idea that having a character with dialogue quantifies success - which is absolutely false.  An ensemble members stealing an entire show is tale as old as time.

Here I present my alternative to the dream role: the “dream story”: What is the story you would like to tell most?  This is a far more challenging question, and a touch broader than I think most are comfortable with.  But as our artistic processes evolve and the ways through which we make great work expand, there’s so much more to consider when it comes to pursuing a life in storytelling.  

If you were to ask me this very question five, ten, fifteen years ago, my answers would most likely vary depending on my ever-shifting list of priorities.  But I also believe they would be connected by my fundamental belief that what we do is important, that stories matter.  And that has clarified my mission as an artist more than anyone else’s permission ever will.

How would I answer this question, here and now?

My dream stories are ones with that deal with turning pain into love.  That celebrate the beautiful ways we look at each other, and wonder aloud why sometimes we can barely see each other at all.  Ones that remind the next generation of their boundless potential and eternal responsibility to each other.  Looking back, these are the stories I’ve been lucky enough to carry with me in life and in work, and I pray my luck continues.  I am truly living my dream.

[tkmedia]

'It wasn't the way I wanted to move on but it just had to be...'

4:47am, 03 October 2021 Telusa Veainu was enjoying an autumnal day off from Stade Francais last Wednesday when RugbyPass unwittingly took the pep from his step by mentioning over the phone the deflating news that had broken in England the day before. Wasps had provided a seriously disappointing medical bulletin on the status of Malakai Fekitoa, the former All Blacks midfielder who was recently able to change his Test XV allegiance to Tonga after representing their 7s side in June in the Olympic qualifier head in Monaco. ADVERTISEMENTRather than now giddily going on and playing for the Tongans in the upcoming internationals versus Scotland at Murrayfield and England at Twickenham, a shoulder dislocation has ruled out the 29-year-old who earned the last of his 24 All Blacks caps in 2017. The revelation about Fekitoa had eluded Veainu, who had spent his Tuesday winding up his football-mad Stade teammates at training by claiming he was a Manchester City fan before that night’s clash with PSG at the Parc des Princes across the road from his current club’s Stade Jean-Bouin stadium. 

What happened when RugbyPass went behind the scenes with the Tonga national team

What happened when RugbyPass went behind the scenes with the Tonga national team“I’m not really a big football fan but I know boys at the club are big PSG fans. I was supporting Man City just to stir the pot a little bit. It’s the hottest ticket around town at the moment, the PSG ones,” he quipped at the start of the interview with RugbyPass.Veainu went on to be playfully polite and well-spoken on a myriad of topics, even when it came it reflections on his delicate contract rebel exit from Leicester in July 2020. However, the prognosis about Fekitoa now being unavailable for the internationals on October 30 and November 6 left him flustered. “Is he (out)? I didn’t even know that. Ah, f**k that… ah s**t!Ex-All Blacks midfielder Malakai Fekitoa was all set to represent Tonga against Scotland and England but Wasps have now issued a disappointing update #Wasps #Tonga #AllBlackshttps://t.co/sMqvGEjplm— RugbyPass (@RugbyPass) September 28, 2021“As soon as he qualified a lot of the boys sent him messages, ‘This is awesome’. It was just a good vibe. I spoke to some of the boys from the 7s and they were so happy to see him come back and to give back to Tonga. It was really good.” ADVERTISEMENTIt was 15 months ago when Veainu’s change of a different type of allegiance made headlines. Financially worried Leicester were demanding across the board salary cuts but the Tongan international, who had been in the East Midlands for five years, stuck to his guns along with Manu Tuilagi, Noel Reid, Greg Bateman and Kyle Eastmond by refusing to stay for less. He’d nothing lined up when he took his brave stance, but it didn’t take long for his talent to find a suitable suitor in Stade Francais and a three-year deal was quickly agreed. Sweet. “At the time they did what was right for them in terms of the pandemic and I was doing what I needed to do for my family and to support them and that was the decision I had to make based on that. “At the time I didn’t really have any options and it was just when things started to break down with Leicester and the news started to be published that Stade heard about it and came through. At the time all the clubs had finished all their signings and I was very fortunate to be picked up by Stade. I owe so much to Leicester and they will always be my team. It has a special place in my heart. It’s where everything took off for me and I’m always cheering the boys on, supporting them from afar. “Welford Road is probably the best place I have played in front of fans. Every time I went out and played I just wanted to showcase myself, to put my best foot forward and it gave me a confidence and an arrogance that when I stepped out at the stadium I was never going to lose. ADVERTISEMENT“But looking back at the decision I made, it was just the right one at the right time for me and it was probably the change that I needed. They were fine, they had Freddie Steward coming up as a young kid. He had all the potential and we knew he was going to go out and showcase it, so it was just a matter of time. For me, it was just the perfect time to move on. It wasn’t the way I wanted to move on but it just had to be.“As a Pacific islander, your faith comes first and then your family and then it’s either football or food. That was part of the decision and the other one was just to try and experience something different. Experience a different culture. I’d been there for five seasons and just wanted to try something different.”Paris is proving to be exactly that – very different in so many ways. To begin with, moving there in a pandemic wasn’t exactly ideal. “It was crazy,” he admitted. “It was pretty stressful on my partner and my daughter at the time, especially not being able to speak the language and coming here trying to settle in. The training was tough and we were all in little bubbles.”Stade eventually finished sixth in Veainu’s first season and while they are currently bottom following four defeats in their opening five games this term, the latest coming at Brive on Saturday, it is still very early days. “Top 14 is a long season and it’s definitely more about how you finish,” he explained. “It’s a marathon. For us it’s just focusing on what we are trying to do, trying to play some good footy, getting those combinations right and believing in our own ability.“Gonzalo (Quesada) has been awesome. He has been all about getting to know the person, allowing individuals to express themselves when they go out on the pitch. He is also big on family and the off-field stuff. He has got a very simple game plan as well which I really love and enjoy playing. It worked for us last year and when we do things right we can punish some teams.  “I just like how the French embrace life,” continued Veainu. “Rugby can’t be everything to them. It’s about balance. They like to have a cigarette here and there, have wine with their lunch and all that stuff. It has definitely opened up my eyes. When I was at Leicester it was all about rugby, rugby, rugby. Even when you went home it was rugby, rugby. But here they are able to switch off and they are able to go and have a nice dinner together. It’s just different. “When I first came here I thought, ‘No, this is the wrong way’. Then I realised there are more ways, different ways of skinning a cat. They have just got a different way of doing it. You think the French are unprofessional but they are not, they have just got their own way of dealing with how they play rugby and their approach to it. They are a lot more emotional. There is so much more passion in it, which is a bit more different to what I experienced at Leicester. It’s just crazy sometimes but it is just such a refreshing attitude on rugby and life as well.”Not since after the 2019 World Cup in Japan has Veainu made it back to Christchurch. Home is where the heart is, where the 30-year-old’s rugby story started in league before switching to union and accelerated. “I’m from a big family, one of eleven. A Christian family brought up in New Zealand, we didn’t have much. My parents were very hard workers, my dad worked two jobs to provide for us. I owe a lot to my parents for the sacrifices they made for me and the family… They watch my games, but Peppa Pig is dominating the TV back home at the moment. They are just more happy they have got grandkids.”When Veainu started out it was with notions of being the league superstar. “I thought I was Benji Marshall but I was nothing like him and when I saw the rugby (union) boys getting really cool kit, I decided to switch. We were playing league on Sundays, rugby on Saturdays. I just played along with my friends, then started to make a few rep teams and that was it, I stuck at it.“I still played league all the way up until I was 16, just dipping in and out, just keeping it quiet and not telling the rugby coaches about it. I was on a scholarship in my school so when they found out we had to stop and I wasn’t allowed to play anymore so I just had to focus on rugby. “I’m not the type of person that gets down and would be gutted about things like that. It was, ‘Oh it was fun while it lasted’ and I moved on. At the time I was training in the academy at the Crusaders and then made New Zealand U17s. From then on that was when I was really thinking, ‘Oh my gosh, I was so, so fortunate to be in the top 50 players in New Zealand’. Coming back from that camp I was on a high. I realised I could make a decent career out of this if I trained hard and put my head down.”It wasn’t enough, though. For sure he had the potential. Just look at his pedigree with the World Cup-winning Baby Blacks, scoring a hat-trick for New Zealand in the 2010 Junior World Cup final. However, Veainu couldn’t crack Super Rugby. Unfulfilled spells at the Highlanders and Crusaders led him to the Rebels, but even there it didn’t happen for him and by June 2015 he was considering his options outside the game. Then came a life-changing call from Tonga.  “I was sort of at rock bottom and then Tonga threw me the lifeline for the Pacific Nations Cup. I played a few games and the coach at the time asked me if I wanted to come to the World Cup. Obviously, they had a load of good wingers and full-backs at the time but I just said, ‘Yeah, why not, I’ll come along as baggage man’. Next thing you know I’m playing all of those games and I’m picked up from Leicester after that. “In Melbourne, I didn’t get much game time. I was just doing a lot of training and playing club rugby. Really low in confidence because I wasn’t getting selected. I felt at the time I could offer something different but I wasn’t being used. I was still doing everything I could but I just wasn’t getting a crack. The coach at the time just wouldn’t give me a look in until everyone got injured pretty much.“When I came back to New Zealand and I was, ‘Far out, I need to get a job’. I’d a few interests in rugby but at that point of time, I just wanted to be home with family, be surrounded by them and seeing them motivated me to get back into rugby and find the love for it and literally two, three weeks later I was at Tonga training. When I went to Tonga it felt, ‘This is where I belong’. Being back at home in the motherland and just seeing my people was awesome. It gave me such a refreshing perspective on rugby.”Welcome to Tigers @tveainu #Tigersfamily pic.twitter.com/1gKxekKnQx— Leicester Tigers (@LeicesterTigers) October 28, 2015It’s a perspective Veainu would love the global rugby authorities to appreciate and nourish rather than allow their reputation to be tarnished by embarrassments such as last July’s 16-try, 102-0 hammering by the All Blacks. It was never a fair fight, the result highlighting how difficult it is resources-wise for tier two countries such as Tonga to bridge the gap to the rugby elite. “How long has this been going on for, and it’s the same for Fiji and Samoa. Fiji are a lot better now but there is just no fair game for us in the Pacific Island nations. They asked us for a game but there were no MIQ spots. Everything just seems to go against us.”If there was one thing Veainu would change overnight it is the eligibility rules. The last rugby league World Cup demonstrated the positives that can materialise as a strengthened Tonga were transformed and packed out stadiums in New Zealand. “By being able to switch alliances you don’t know how much that impacts the young generation. Instead of wanting to play for the Kiwis they want to play for Tonga now and you have guys who have had one or two Tests for New Zealand or Australia, they can now offer their services to grow the game here in Tonga by playing for Tonga and bringing their high profile over.“The Tonga fans don’t have much but they give their voices and literally would give you the shirt off their back. They just love rugby and rugby league. Can you imagine if Tonga was a tier-one nation? Oh my goodness! The towns would be painted red and there is a lot of support in New Zealand as well. We have had training in Auckland and there were a lot of supporters turning up, bringing us fresh watermelon, coconut juices and things like that. We just loved putting a smile on their faces.”It’s two years now since Veainu earned the last of his twelve Test caps before the world ground to a halt, but he hopes to soon add to that tally with the upcoming games in Scotland and England as Toutai Kefu has been in touch. “I’ve spoken to him a few times. He is quite a bubbly guy and he is pretty happy. He just wants to get busy again. He is recovering (from being injured in a robbery at his home) and I’m really happy that he came through alright.“I’m definitely putting my hand up to be involved in the game. I’m looking forward to it. I haven’t been able to play for Tonga in a long time due to the pandemic, so I can’t wait to see the boys again.”

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[vicecityhq]

██████████████]99% LOADING...SUSPECT INTO THE APD DATABASE...

WITNESS(ES) SAY HE REMINDS THEM OF: coding, electricity, wires. With a slight resemblance to SON HYUNWOO of/the MONSTA X.

CLICK BELOW TO VIEW ENTIRE FILE.

FULL FILE

Last Name, First Name: nam seojun ALIAS: abyss Realm of birth: earthly Age: 27 Date of Birth: 15th may 1994 Gender: male Preferred Pronouns: he/him Species: cyborg Occupation: the ivory lotus, medical personnel Sexual Orientation: pansexual

VISUAL FILE

Skin Color: melanin Eye color: brown Scars: none Piercings: first lobes Tattoos: lotus symbol on inner left elbow Hair color: dark brown Abnormalities: can be stiff when walking and moving at times Horns/ wings/ etc: none Transformed form: n/a

PERSONAL FILE

RELIGIOUS BELIEF: SINS:  greed  /  gluttony  /  sloth  / lust  /  pride  /  envy  /  wrath VIRTUES: chastity  /  charity  /  diligence  /  humility /  kindness /  patience /  justice KNOWN LANGUAGES: korean, english, moderate japanese and chinese SECRETS: has his own personal and private clinic where he does procedures, has dabbled in cyborg upgrades to an extent/made adjustments and corrections SAVVIES: technology, navigating softwares, mechanical engineering, surgeries, gaming Powers & Abilities: technorganic physiology Traits: + calming, - resentful

BACKGROUND CHECK

Date of Birth: 15th may 1994 Date of Death: n/a Crime Record: no relationship

Background/Biography:

tw // death

nam seojun is human.

nam seojun is a human at heart, always and will be, no matter what.

there’s not too much information on seojun’s life prior to being adopted, the only information known was that he was given up the moment he was born and placed into the foster system then. that’s where he grew up for the first two years of his life, and a month after his second birthday, he was finally legally adopted by his now parents. they loved and cherished him, treated him like their blood son, never treating him any differently and their love for him truly showed. growing up in melbourne, australia for a year after he was adopted, they all relocated to seoul, south korea to be closer to home and the very culture they knew of best. due to not being able to conceive their own children, seojun was incredibly important and special to them, sometimes even being a bit too protective at times, but little seojun always told them when they were being a bit too much. they had always told him, to be honest with them, and all three of them respected each other, and his parents respected him enough to give him the space he’d want when things were a bit too much. adjusting wasn’t always easy, and he immensely struggled at first but eventually, adjusting became easier and easier until the tears and endless nights of crying became lesser and lesser. the bond between them grew, while the bond with his foster mother diminished.

seoul was a good start, and seojun loved it there. weekly trips out every weekend to get lunch, to spend family time together. whether it was getting food, going to lotte world, shopping for toys - seojun was always happy because he was with his parents. he could see the love they held for him in their eyes, that love portrayed through everything. actions, words, affection, he never doubted their love for him.

seojun had always been a good kid, raised with good morals and never any sour intentions. he was taught to always be nice, to always respect and be respectful because being a good person was better than being a bad person. in school, he always tried his hardest, studied well and listened well. he was a good student, and with being young came the urge to mess around, to be free and play around with his friends. he was a fairly active child, so it wasn’t anything new if he would run a little bit in front of them on a day out. but one day that would be the one very thing that would destroy him, and the rest of his life. the mistake of not waiting that one day his mother called his name, stopping dead in the road and turning around with that happy, excited smile on his face. that happy, excited smile would moments later be swept off his face the moment a car strikes his delicate little body. feeling those little bones snap, crack, the initial shock of the collision cancels out the pain. body on the cold concrete floor, tears escaping his eyes and mixing with blood, his mother and father screaming his name and running towards him. unable to feel his mother hold him in her warm arms, but her tears falling from her eyes is the one thing he can register. “don’t cry, eomma.” he would say, before seojun’s eyes would close for the last time in months.

he was in a coma for six months before the decision to move him home was decided, where he could be in the comfort of his own home with the belief seojun wouldn’t improve. another six months later is when his parents start to discuss, when they make the decision to ultimately cybernetically upgrade his body. the accident had done too much damage for seojun to ever live a normal life again, and his parents couldn’t bear the thought of him being unable to walk, be independent ever again. not their child, their only son. so after discussing and making their decision, his father finally chose to reach out to a family friend and the consultation began. a couple weeks later, the upgrades began. the process was long and delicate one, a toddler’s body was difficult to upgrade but somehow, they managed it. and a few weeks after the upgrades, nam seojun finally awoke.

adjusting was difficult. it was shocking. he didn’t know what to do at first, how to act. he felt everything and nothing at the same time, and it left him in a state of uncertainty. it was weird, being unable to feel pain, learning how to walk again with the new legs and how to use the new arms, the new fingers. it was strenuous, a new burden. the emotional instability made it ten times harder, the arguments with his parents became more frequent, the anger and hurt and uncertainty was just all too much. he didn’t want this, he just wanted to be normal.

why couldn’t he be normal?

as the years go by, and he ‘grows’ up, they upgrade him bit by bit. nam seojun had accepted his fate at that point, having come to terms with the fact that there was no way he could go back to his life before. at some point, he starts to feel more metal than skin, unable to erase the last few years because despite being more metal than skin, his brain still functions like a human. from a toddler form, to a teenager and finally, to an adult.

upgraded into his adult form, over the years of upgrading bit by bit and whenever needed, whenever slight mistakes happened or errors would occur, the relationship between him and his parents had improved, retracing the old steps they had missed, fixing and rekindling. it was never planned for them to pass away anytime soon. it happened all too quick, a hit and run that seemed far too calculated for any ordinary hit and run. and that left seojun all alone, strict instructions with his maker for regular testing and upgrading when needed. despite being more metal, it didn’t make the pain any less and for the first time since he had changed, that was the first time he wished he couldn’t feel emotional pain.

after the loss of his parents, it left seojun on a hunt for something. on a hunt for a connection, to find a family, to make his own. joining a gang had never been in his books, but circumstances can change. in search for the truth behind his parents’ sudden passing, seojun joins the ivory lotus through a close friend in hopes to finally have some power over finding out the truth. with his much more contained persona, he keeps his level of cyborg enhancements and upgrades to a lower scale to not draw attention to himself and evidently, live as normal of a life as he can.

though, that’s exactly easy per se, when he’s more metal than skin and he’s involved in a gang.

INTERVIEW QUESTION (para sample): “Just run us through what happened that night”. - Officer

it’s funny, because seojun knows exactly what happened, but he’s careful about how he recalls it, how he says it. “it’s just like everyone else has said.” he starts, raising his head, looking straight at the officer, immediately knowing the camera is there and he’s being recorded. his system had located it before he had even walked into the room. “the patient was too far gone. we did all we could to save him, but the injury was too severe. there was nothing we could do.” seojun recites, hands clasped together in front of him, back straight while. 37 seconds it’s been recording for.

“in situations like that, when the injury is too severe, there’s very little we can do. we might be trained surgeons, but we can’t always save everyone.” it was true, they can’t save anyone, though in this case it was a bit more than that, the plan wasn’t to ensure he came out of it alive. but nobody needed to know that.

3.. 2.. 1..

“sir.. the camera is no longer working.” seojun wants to chuckle at that, but instead he continues to sit there as normal. “can i go now? i have to prepare for another surgery soon.”

[majsmom]

Happy TDBM Secret Santa Day

I was tasked with writing for the @janetdonners.  I have enjoyed getting to know you through asks and your blog. You’re a really cool individual.  This my first time writing for someone else and I tried to keep you and your preferences in mind.

Prompt: charlie/danny, loser + sports person high school AU

So I ended up using the cricket game as a frame for the guy’s friendship challenge.  

I really hope you like it.

XOXO ~ Eb

                                                  The Moment

The heat of the summer sun beat down on Danny’s head as he stood on the mound waiting for the pitch.  He gripped the cricket bat even tighter as rivulets of sweat ran down his face and neck.   The last batsman in today’s high school tournament, his team’s dream of making it to the regional championship rested firmly on his shoulders.  The score was so close and Danny just needed to five runs to win.

His eyes shot out into the stands.  He could see his Auntie Jean sitting with Rose Anderson over to the left pride shining on both their faces.  Rose was sitting so close to the edge of the bleachers it looked like she was about to jump down and run across the field.  Auntie Jean, on the other hand, was still her body as tight as a guitar string.  She knew how much winning this game meant to him and she wanted it as badly as he did.

Frantically scanning the crowd again, he searched for the only other face that meant anything to him.  His heart sank for a minute at the thought that he might not have cared enough to come. Just before he turned to look at the pitcher, he spied him standing in the distance under a shady tree.  

“Hey, Danny!” Rose Anderson jumped off of her still moving pushie and ran top speed through the gate. “Hey, Dan,” screamed once more before skidding to a halt in the middle of the yard.  

She could see Danny elbow deep in a patch of weeds in the back of the yard.  Although Rose couldn’t understand why, Danny found working in the garden therapeutic.  Gardening had been his solace since the sudden death of his parents.  When not playing cricket or studying, he could be found turning the soil.  Rose turned and looked at the pile of weeds laid neatly beside Danny.  It all just seemed like work to her.

“Danny,” Rose called in a less than loud conversational tone.  “Guess what I just saw?”

Putting down his spade and dusting off his pants, Danny turned to look at Rose.

“This better not be more gossip,” he quipped sarcastically before walking over.

Rose sneered. “I don't gossip. I deal in facts. But since you want to crack on me, I guess I won't tell you what I saw.” She turned quickly to leave the yard.

“Hey! I was only joking. Come on back. I want to know.” Danny hid a smile as he watched Rose adjust her shirt and take on her “professional” persona. She was really only a 15 year old girl but she out on airs as if she were a bona fide journalist.

“Did you know a family of boys moved in the Conlin placed,” she queried with authority.

Danny laughed. “Just boys you say. No parents?”

“You love to interrupt don't you,” complained Rose. “Of course there were parents. A woman and a mean looking man. The one boy is our age and there are two younger brothers. The older boy was nice. His name is Charlie and he's from Melbourne.”

“Wow. You work fast. Do you know their birthdays too,” he said as he giggled. He couldn't resist the opportunity to pick at her a bit.

“Yeah, yeah, yeah. Keep at it and you won't get an introduction.” Danny twisted his face into mock seriousness. “So are you finished up here? Feel up for a ride.”

Danny could not deny his excitement. There weren’t that many boys his age in the neighborhood and the ones there were had been friends since diapers. Ballarat was a strange town full of cliques and rules. His love for gardening and baking - women's activities - sort of made him an oddity. Even his place on the winning high school cricket team couldn't overcome it.

“Give me a bit to clean up,” he said turning to the garden spigot.

They found Charlie standing next to the largest pile of wood they had ever seen. His skin glistened with sweat as he split the wood and flung it into the pile. He didn't hear Danny and Rose as they approached from the front yard.

“Aye-o Charles! I was hoping to find you here. I wanted to introduce you to my best mate, Danny.”

Rose smiled looking between them. The two boys could not be more different - a study in light and dark. Charlie was much taller than Danny and more strongly built.  Methods of punishment had made him extremely muscular and the dark hair falling over his eyes made him seem morose. In comparison, Danny was spare but his small frame hid a lithe body quick to movement and deceptively strong. His quick smile hid a pensive nature.

Danny stretched his hand out in greeting. “How are you mate?”

“Doing good. Just finishing up some chores, “ Charlie responded, giving his hand a firm shake.

Danny and Rose looked at the wood in disbelief. Apparently, chores must be different in Melbourne.

“You’ll be chopping wood until you're 80,” commented Rose incredulously. “We planned on showing you the sights of Ballarat but…” Her voice trailed off.

Danny could clearly see the disappointment in Charlie's face. Charlie's task seemed insurmountable for one person but it would definitely be quicker with three.

“I have an idea if you're open to it. How about Rose and I help you finish your chopping? Then, you'll at least have a little time to take the official Ballarat tour.”

Charlie looked around uneasy. Wood chopping was technically a punishment. Bernie, his mother’s boyfriend, was a strict disciplinarian. If Bernie found out he had help, the resulting punishment would be brutal.  Bernie wouldn't be home for hours though and his mother had taken the boys to town. A little help would get his chores done faster and it had been so long since he had any fun. But was it worth the risk?

Before he could overthink his decision, Charlie blurted out his agreement.

“It's a deal and I'll return the favor someday.”

The sound of laughter and splitting wood filled the air.

CRACK!

Danny watched the ball slice through the air into the outfield.  He could feel the eyes of the spectators bore into him as he broke into a run.  Before coming up to bat, he had calculated the number of runs needed to win.  Everything had been strategized before his foot hit the mound...the direction the ball needed to go...how far the ball needed to go into the outfield...the amount of strength required to get it there.  He only hoped that his machinations were enough.

Danny could feel the breeze whispering against his face, as he focused on the target not daring to look to the right or the left.  He felt the other runner whizzing by him matching him for speed.   This had to be enough.

“Charlie! Wait up,” Danny screamed as he propelled himself through the growing twilight. Charlie was meters ahead.  He squinted to make him out amongst the growing shadows.

“Please slow down.”  This trek through the woods had been Charlie’s idea.  Freed from chores, he had sought out Danny at his Auntie Jean’s house.  Charlie was enamoured with life in Ballarat.  In Melbourne, there were so many people and so little space.  The open fields and rambling woods of the countryside intrigued Charlie and he took every opportunity to explore.  

Packing a light lunch, the boys left about midday with the expectation of returning before dinner.  They had no true direction in mind.  The idea was to walk as far as possible and see as much as possible.  Crawling through the woods, they spent most of their time admiring the landscape and talking about their lives.

Experiences with death helped to shape the adolescence of both boys.  Charlie’s father was killed in the line of duty while working as a policeman in Melbourne.  Although Danny’s parents’ death was accidental, they found that they shared similar coping methods.  Both found comfort sharing their fears about life with a kindred spirit.

It was Charlie who first noticed the lateness of the day.

“Danny, what time is it,” he asked frantically.

“Oh, it’s only about 5,” replied Danny.

“We better head back.  My mother is expecting me for dinner.” Charlie hopped up and began walking quickly towards home.  Although Danny knew that they were running late, he didn’t feel Charlie’s urgency.  With at least a couple hours walk ahead of them, they would make it home before dark.

Danny noticed that Charlie grew increasingly agitated during the walk home.  He snapped when asked questions and his answers were short.  It was a marked difference from the easy conversation of earlier in the day.  With every minute, Charlie talked less and moved faster his tension increasing.

It wasn’t until the second hour that Charlie commented about the time it was taking to get to the road.

“Where are we,” he queried irritably.

“We probably are a little turned around, mate,” Danny replied, “We’ll make it to the road soon.”

“A little turned around?  We’ve been walking for hours and the sun is starting to go down.  Bloody hell!  We can’t be lost.  I need to get home.”  Danny noted the frantic tone in Charlie’s tone.  What was the big deal?  They were just a little lost.

“Ok.  Calm down.  Let’s just take a second to get our bearings.  We can’t be that far off.”

Danny turned in a circle examining the direction of the sun and the surrounding landscape.  He’d hoped that his words would have help calm Charlie.

In acquiescence, Charlie sat heavily on a fallen log.  “I really need to get home,” he said quietly.

“We’ll figure this out.  It will probably be another hour or so,” Danny said confidently. “What’s the rush anyway?  I know you promised you’d be home for dinner but how can your mom fault you for getting lost?”

Danny’s question was greeted with silence.  It didn’t take long to get on the right course and they kept a steady pace for the rest of the journey.  The silence between them was oppressive and Charlie’s agitation radiated from him like radio waves.  After about an hour, the sound of a passing car indicated that they were nearing town.  At the sound, Charlie broke into a run.  

Tree limbs grabbed at his clothes as he tried to keep pace with Charlie.  Although Danny’s muscles began to burn from the effort, he could not match the urgency in Charlie’s run.  Before long, Charlie was a shadow in the distance and, although Danny cried out for him to wait, he pressed forward.  When Danny finally made it to the road, he was nowhere in sight.

The screams from the crowd were like salve on Danny’s aching muscles.  He was doing it.  He was going to make this championship happen.  Just a few more runs he thought to himself.

Although he always excelled at the game, he never played cricket for his own enjoyment.  Being part of the team was something that his father valued.  His father, an avid player himself, was his very first coach.  In the evenings, he would take him outside and throw the ball around, coaching him on the best ways to bat and pitch.  At the time, Danny cared less about the game than spending time with his father, whose schedule was usually packed with work activities.  Cricket was a connection to him and winning this championship was the fulfillment of a prophecy.

Danny could distinguish his Auntie Jean’s voice clearly in the in the crowd of voices.  A burst of energy erupted from within.  He was almost there.

Although he had lost Charlie coming out of the woods, he was determined to speak to  him before the end of the night.  A woman’s scream pierced the night air causing a chill to run up Danny’s spine.  The sounds of a fight grew louder as Danny neared Charlie’s house.  

The house lights were ablaze as he entered the yard.  Charlie’s mother was yelling holding her smaller children back as she watched two men tussling on the ground.  Her dress was ripped and blood was dripping from her nose.  

In the middle of the yard, Charlie and his stepfather Bernie Thompson were grappling in the dirt.  The gossips in the town hinted at the fact that Bernie was a drunk who was tough on his family especially his wife.  Charlie rarely talked about Bernie and he never hinted at any of his issues.  As he watched punches and slaps being thrown, it was clear that the gossip was only the tip of the iceberg.

Charlie was holding his own but even drunk Bernie was the stronger of the two.

“Bernie, no!  Stop, please,” Charlie’s mother screamed as Bernie got the better of the boy.

“Oh, you’re a big man, hunh,” slurred Bernie and he grabbed Charlie lifting him off the ground by the collar.  “Well, take this beating like a man.” Pullling his fist back, he let  off a fierce punch that landed on Charlie’s jaw.  Stumbling backwards, Charlie landed firmly on the ground dazed.

“All of that mouth.  I’m tired of you interfering. She is my wife.” Bernie drew his foot back to deliver a well place kick.  

Before his foot could connect, a dark figure catapulted from the darkness. Danny grabbed Bernie by the arms pulling him to the ground. His breath reeked of beer and gin.  

The force of the fall had knocked the wind out of Bernie and he found it hard to recover.  He began to wretch in the yard, stumbling into the shadows to vomit up the night’s drink.

Sitting on the ground, Danny watched as Mrs.Thompson traced the bruises on Charlie’s face.  He could hear her whispered words of apology and whimpers of pain.  Charlie sat with his head bowed still stuck in a daze from Bernie’s punch.  He accepted all of his mother’s kisses but did not say a word.  Danny stood and walked over kneeling down beside him.  

It was Danny’s proximity that brought Charlie out of his stupor.

“What are you doing here,” he stammered. “Why are you here?”

“Calm down, mate.  I only came to talk.  Are you okay?”

A dark cloud passed over Charlie’s face.

“Are you happy?”

Pulling himself up from the ground, he lurched towards Danny.  

“Is this what you wanted to know? That Bernie abuses my mom?  That he beats that shit out of us! Are you disgusted?  Do you pity us?”

Charlie’s words slapped Danny in the face taking his breath away propelling him backwards.

“Why are you backing away?  Answer me! Do you pity us?,” Charlie screamed into the night.  He shook off his mother’s grasp and ran towards Danny.

“Go.  Gooooo!  You’re not wanted here!”

Fear launched through Danny.  He didn’t recognize the person advancing toward him with venom dripping from his words.  This person was terrifying.  

“Gooooooo,” Charlie bellowed as Danny turned and ran into the darkness.

The crowd rushed on the field lifting Danny in its swell. Riding on the shoulders of his teammates, he scanned the crowd. Rose and his Aunt Jean stood in the thick of everything jumping and screaming with  excitement. Strangers chanted his name as he round the crowd like a wave.

The sun was still bright and the air was still hot, but a calmness cooled his spirit. A lightness invaded his heart relaxing his limbs. Pride, relief and tears welled up in his chest as he thought of his accomplishment. A prayer of thanks was on his lips as he thought of his father closing his eyes in emotion.

When he opened them, he saw Charlie with a half smile turn from the tree and walk towards the crowd.  This was not the boy from earlier in the week face contorted in pain.  He could still see the greenish ghost of bruises on his face.  There would be time for explanations later.  For now, he just wanted to enjoy the moment.

[emerging-mediaproduction34653937]

Emerging Media Portfolio

Week 2 Interactive Article

Critical Analysis: Technical skills that I learnt within this activity was how to integrate images, audio and videos into an article to make them more interactive. Due to it being more interactive it is likely that people will read the article as due to it being interactive it is more entertaining for people to read, compared to a lump of words on a page. Articles are a major tool for communication these days getting across information fast and effectively to people (Marygold et al. 2011, p.175). Interactive articles serve a major purpose to sporting organisations from a business performance perspective. If an article is interactive it helps with engagement with people, as interactive articles and the content they provide force people to be engaged, providing valuable return to a business (Upland Kapost Blog 2020). As people have to engage with the content it provides the sporting organisations with potential new users. Due to the fact that the content is also engaging and not ordinary  it also “makes your audience a part of the story” (Upland Kapost Blog 2020). Therefore the emergence of interactive articles for the fan experience provides fans with further engaging content making them feel as though they are a part of the sporting organisation. While also this engaging content allows for fans to get more information and views on a certain subject for their own club all in the one spot with videos, pictures and audio.

Interactive Article:

With the release of the AFL’s revised fixture up in the air for the 2020 Toyota AFL Premiership Season, is this the year Geelong triumphs in getting all it’s home games down in Geelong. For years Geelong has had to put up with playing home games in Melbourne instead of down in Geelong where they belong. This was due to the AFL stating that GMHBA stadium (Geelong’s home ground) is not large enough to host the large Victorian clubs which include Richmond, Collingwood, Hawthorn and Essendon. With a capacity of 36,000 the AFL deemed that they would lose too much revenue, if they were to play these large games away from the MCG with a capacity of 100,024.

An empty GMHBA Stadium pictured below (Austadiums 2019)

In 2017 which was the last time Geelong hosted one of the big Victorian clubs down in Geelong, there was outrage as Richmond fans could not get tickets into the venue. Teams should play their home games where ever they chose in order to make a fairer competition. Teams such as Collingwood get to play in excess of 15 games at the MCG, compared to Geelong who get to only have 9 games down in Geelong so how can you justify that the competition is fair. Will this be the year that Geelong get to play all their home games down in Geelong due to the COVID-19 shutdown of footy.

AFL CEO Gillion McLachlan on the shutdown of the AFL.  (AFL 2020)

As fans are locked out of stadiums there is no excuse for the AFL not to have all Geelong’s home games at GMHBA stadium, as they will not be losing any revenue as no fans are allowed to enter stadiums in the first place.

Joel Selwood Celebrates a goal at GMHBA Stadium (The AGE 2019).

Week 3 Website Plan

Old Mentonians Football Club Website

Objectives: Allows old Mentonians players and fans to be on one website to get all there news, information and live scores on matches. Meaning players and fans do not have to go to several different websites to get there news.

Content for each page: The home page will have a tab at the top linking to a page on each of the sporting organisations social media pages, highlight videos, news, teams, scores, photos, merchandise and sponsors. Also the page will have the biggest news stories throughout the day displayed with in the middle of the page.

Team page: List of every team at the club.

Scores: Live scores and past scores will be displayed.

Photos: Will contain photos from matches that will be set up into teams so the photos are easy to find.

Highlight Videos: Videos from matches will be shown on this page and put into teams to make them easily accessible.

Sponsors: List of all the clubs sponsors

Social media: Will have links to each social media page the club has.

Merchandise: displays all team merchandise and the ability to purchase merchandise online.

News: Contains all the latest news on the club and past news.

Page Layout:

Critical Analysis: Throughout this activity I gained the skills of being able to design my own website. Looking at many different websites I learnt that some can be cluttered and messy so making them unappealing to people who may enter the sight. I learnt how to plan a website that is easy to follow and simple allowing for users to easily search through the web page finding what they require. An important role in the success of a website that is put up ultimately  comes down to the design (Radu 2015, p.205). Websites are extremely important for sporting organisations to succeed and thrive, as by having an online website you are able to be easily found, and can reach more people than if you did not have a website (Lyfe marketing 2019). Therefore websites provide the ability for sporting organisations to grow. Websites add to the fan experience by allowing fans to be able to access everything about there sporting organisation including news, updates and live scores. This allows for a more interactive fan experience allowing for fans to always been in the loop on what is happening at all times no matter where they are in the world. Hence  this allows for fans to keep connected to the sport they support.

Week 4 Podcast

Podcast YouTube link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Bzx3gT2zsA&t=1s

Critical Analysis: Within this activity the technical skills that were gained included the ability to edit a podcast. This included using software to add in intro music while also editing out certain parts of the podcast which may have been not interesting. Learning these skills allowed for me to produce a more entertaining and higher quality podcast, these skills can then be used in the future. The emerging media of podcasting has many benefits for a sporting organisation to improve their performance, such as the ability to listen anywhere. What this  allows for is for people to be continuously in the loop of their favourite sporting organisation keeping up with news, whilst also keeping people connected and interested in the sport. With no sport being played at the moment podcasts are a great way to produce a form of content to keep fans attention. With podcasts having one billion results on Google it displays the popularity of this form of media and why it has a major ability to grow a sport (Bradbury 2006, p.297). When sport does start back up fans are still interested and invested in the sport, instead of losing interest due to lack of content over the past few months if there were not podcasts. As “passion fuels motivation” the more passionate and stay with their sport and connected the more likely they are to come back (Sturges 2017, p. 213). Podcasts are a great tool that improves the fan experience as they are free and accessible to everyone and provide greater insights into a sporting organisation. Podcasts provide passionate views on topics and with the ability for fans to send in questions it allows them to interact further , allowing for a greater fan experience and a more engaging one.

Week 6 Photos

Critical analysis: The technical skills that was gained throughout this activity was the ability to take a photo using the rule of thirds and rule of symmetry . This allowed for photos to be more eye catching and therefore interesting to someone viewing the image. This will allow me in the future to take better photos then previously. Images hold a very large part within the sporting industry and are utilised everywhere to display a story and show emotion. This can be seen on newspapers with the front page being an eye catching image that hooks someone into a story. Photos are also timeless with some of the biggest moments in history being remembered by the images that came out of the time. An example of this is  Nicki Winmar lifting his shirt and pointing to his skin displaying how he is proud to be indigenous. Images are captured “at the end of one history and the beginning of another” and are the centrepiece as discussed of many historical events (Sze 2004, p. 19). Photos add to the fan experience as it allows for people to capture a moment in history, which are framed across homes around the world these can include big sporting moments such as a picture of the winning premiership team. “The twenty first century has brought an increase in the role of images” with several new uses including social media (Fendler 2017, p. 751). While images also capture emotion, which on social media allows for people to find out about a story without reading as they say a picture says a thousand words.

Picture of a woman wearing a mask signifying the times we live in. 

Landscape of Townsville displaying the warm sunny weather of the tropics.

A dog sits in between two teddy bears looking into the distance.

Week 7 Interview

YouTube Link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IiMQ-OP8Z8c

Critical Analysis: Technical skills that I gained by creating this interview included creating lighting and sound that is clear and visible. This makes the video more enjoyable to watch, if you had poor audio quality then people would immediately click off the video. Also using software to edit the video and add in sound was a new skill that was learnt through making the interview. YouTube is an extremely popular site world wide which has millions of videos uploaded annually (Magarita 2019, p.1). With just over two billion users worldwide, it is no wonder why YouTube would be utilised by sporting organisations, as it allows for a large amount of exposure to a lot of different people (Oberlo 2019). Interviews are also extremely useful as it allows for sporting organisations to show fans insights into the lives of players and staff at the club which they may have never got to of seen before. This connects the organisations with the fans making them feel a part of their club as they get to know the people at their clubs and also get provided news. As already stated interviews further the fan experience by providing them with insights into the lives of people at their club which were not shown in past years. This insight allows for fans to be feel as though they are more a part of the club, as they know the people within their organisation. This is  compared to years ago where players where fenced off from society and not as publicised with their personal lives as seen these days.

Week 12 Social Media Campaign

Footy fans showing their colours (Herald Sun 2019).

Instagram Campaign: AFL campaign ‘Show your colours’

How it will engage fans/ Purpose: The campaign will engage with fans by getting them to post pictures of themselves in there footy colours during the match. Using the hashtag show your colours it will allow for fans to share their pictures from home cheering on their footy team. The purpose is to keep fans engaged and interacted making them feel a part of the action even if they are unable to attend matches.

Measure of success: The measure of success that will be used is the amount of people that use the hashtag show your colours.

Critical Analysis: The technical skills gained throughout this activity included the ability to look into social media campaigns, and find out what makes a social media campaign successful. This included looking at how “word of mouth advertising” is used by companies to get maximum results, as the more people talk the more people will find out about a campaign allowing it to spread (Yeo 2012, p. 297 ). Social media is an emerging form of media that is extremely important for sporting organisations to continue to grow there business. It allows for people to connect from all over the world and with hashtags such as the campaign displayed it allows for new people to discover the sport and also get involved. “The fan experience for different sporting and entertainment events” is extremely import for the success of a sporting organisation (Hurst 2016, p. 14). So social media is the perfect platform to allow for a greater fan experience at these present times. Social media allows for fans to connect to each other from all over the world. If you’re a Geelong supporter living away from Australia you can still connect with fans of your team and feel as though you are still a part of the action. Especially with fans not being allowed into grounds so far this season it allows for people to get involved as a community and feel a part of something. Otherwise people may become disinterested in the sport they are watching as there is no interaction with the organisation and fans.

References:

Ausstadiums 2020, ‘GMHBA Stadium’, viewed 22 March 2020,

https://www.austadiums.com/stadiums/stadiums.php?id=101

Bradbury, J, 2006, ‘Podcasts’, Lancet Oncology, vol. 7, no. 4, pp. 297-298.

Fendler, L 2017, ‘Reading images in educational history’ Paedagogica Historica, vol. 53, no. 6, pp. 751-762

Gillion McLachlan announces AFL suspension and AFLW cancellation Press Conference, 2020, Fox Footy, YouTube, March 22 2020.

Herald Sun 2019, ‘Richmond Pubs with Grand Final parties , and other ways to watch the match’, viewed 25 May 2020,

https://www.heraldsun.com.au/news/how-to-watch-the-afl-grand-final-at-the-pub-on-tv-and-if-youre-overseas/news-story/4172705b2f957dc85916977109f1dff7

Hurst, R 2016, ‘Delivering the ultimate fan experience’, Australian Leisure Management, vol. 117, no. 12, pp. 14-17.

Lyfe marketing 2019, ‘The Importance of a website for your business success’, viewed 10 April 2020,

https://www.lyfemarketing.com/blog/importance-of-a-website/

Magarita, I, 2019, ‘YouTube Social Network’, Ecoforum, vol. 9, no. 1, pp. 1.

Marygold, S et al. 2011, ‘Toward an interactive: integrating journals and biological databases’, BMC Bioinformatics, vol. 12, no. 1, pp. 175.

Oberlo 2019, ’10 YouTube Stats Every Marketer Should Know in 2020’ viewed 10 May 2020,

https://au.oberlo.com/blog/youtube-statistics

Radu, A. 2015, "Website's Importance as a Marketing European Funds Tool: Access la Success Access la Success", Calitatea, vol. 16, pp. 205-211.

Sturges, A.J. 2017, "Sport passion realization in collegiate athletes: "how fish find water"", Journal of Contemporary Athletics, vol. 11, no. 4, pp. 213-227.

Sze, T, 2004, ‘History Images’, Art journal, vol. 63, no. 4, pp. 19-20.

The AGE 2019, ‘What’s best fit? Geelong mount case for more home games’, viewed 22 March 2020, 

https://www.theage.com.au/sport/afl/what-s-best-fit-cats-mount-case-for-more-home-games-20191221-p53m2y.html

Upland Kapost Blog 2020, ‘Why Create interactive content?’, viewed 15 March 2020,

https://kapost.com/b/interactive-content-examples-benefits/

What a way to bring up your third goal 2020, online video, AFL, 22 March 2020, Twitter,

https://twitter.com/AFL/status/1241309585811496961

Yeo, D 2012, ‘Social-Media Early Adopters Don’t Count’, Journal of Advertising Research, vol. 52, no. 3, pp. 297-308.

[morgantakestinder]

A Tinder-ific Christmas Down Under

If someone told me they were planning to fly for 25 hours to spend Christmas in Australia with a guy they met on Tinder (two and a half months prior) and his family, I’d say they were totally mad. So I guess in this case I’m totally and utterly mad.

“How do you know I’m mad?” said Alice. “You must be,” said the Cat, or you wouldn’t have come here.”   - Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland

But yes, despite some minor reservations that I could in fact be meeting a group of charming and charismatic serial killers who harvest organs for the black market, I flew all the way to Melbourne to my Christmas and New Year with Prost. And there is simply no way that I can do my trip justice in a blog post because how do you squeeze 8 days into a few paragraphs, but I’ll do my best with the highlights.

Mumma Prost 

It’s funny to think that all of this started with a blog post where I commented that I’d be so keen to meet his mum since she seemed to have raised such a gentleman. This was of course 100% true and Mumma Prost, as I’ll call her, is the epitome of both hostess and mum. Whether it was filling the car with Keith Urban and Christmas CDs for my drive from the airport, making gorgeous meals day in and day out, snapping perfect photos at every opportunity, or giving me firm but caring medical advice, she doesn’t do things half-assed. Frankly, I was a little intimidated when I first arrived because everything was so impeccable but I felt very welcome very quickly as Mumma Prost (and the entire family really) were very down-to-earth, laid-back, true blue Aussies. Probably the most lovely thing I can think of is how before I left she brought me some travel gifts including a new travel journal. I’m sure to most people a journal is just a journal but when I eventually fill up my current one and switch to my lovely new blue one, I’ll think very fondly of my time in Melbourne and the lovely people I’ve been able to meet.  Also low-key brag, but at one point she told me I was very photogenic, and considering that their entire family is actually beautiful this was basically the best compliment I’ve ever received and I’m holding on to it forever.

Melbourne

So about four and a half years ago I spent 3 days in Melbourne before embarking on a trip along the Great Ocean Road and then up through to the Red Centre in Australia (slightly ironic but it was this trip where I met Not The One.) Of all the places I visited, I was the least impressed with Melbourne. Maybe it was that I didn’t meet anyone or it was winter and cold or that I was homesick for Sydney but either way, I did not like it and really had no intention of going back. Flash forward and I now have about a dozen friends living there and I had skipped visiting on my last trip still. So to find myself in Melbs again all because a boy from Tinder thought he could change my mind on the city, is a tad funny, no? 

But having returned, I can say with all honesty that Melbs is pretty fantastic and has its own unique charm. Prost showed me all that Melbs had to offer. We saw cricket at the world renowned MCG. We had brunch in Fitzroy and wandered laneways for street art. We went to lovely St Kilda beach. And we explored beyond the city as well enjoying summer sunshine on the Mornington Peninsula, on Phllip Island, and in the Yarra Valley. Unlike many cities that offer up their best front and center to visitors, Melbourne is more protective of their treasures and you need to dig a little deeper to see the real gems. Having said that though, it helped to have such fantastic weather and an even more fantastic tour guide to show me around. 

Christmas 

As you can imagine, the highlight of the trip was definitely Christmas. Coming into it I was definitely feeling a bit anxious about meeting an entire set of family members and friends of my perpetual Tinder date, I guess we’ll call it since there’s no real term for whatever this is. This was intensified by the fact that I arrived at nearly midnight on Christmas Eve and Prost and I walked into a silent house so my first actual meeting with anyone was on Christmas morning. To add to my awkwardness Prost joked with me about the fact that I’d had sex twice in his parents’ house before even meeting them, ever the gentleman right? 

Christmas though was absolutely stunning and I was fairly good with learning lots of names quickly (teacher skills!) Both Prost and Mumma Prost ensured that my plate was overly full and wouldn’t let me sit down until we couldn’t fit anything else on it. The weather was fairly cool for an Aussie summer day but was perfect for me and there was sun so I was beaming. Plus between lunch, lots of card games, and pressies, we didn’t really spend much time outside. There was a highly dramatic moment though where during a lull in the late afternoon, the Christmas tree came crashing down sending ornaments flying and splashing water from the bowl on tons of paper wrapped gifts. Some ornaments were lost and some parcels needed quick unwrapping but once the tree was carted away everything was relatively fine. (Lucky pictures of their gorgeous tree had already been taken!) 

We finally sat down to open gifts and everyone seemed at least politely pleased with what I had brought for them - shopping for people you’ve never met is the most difficult task. Prost seemed happy with my gift to him: a scratch-off travel map to help him document his adventures. It felt a bit underwhelming though in my mind once I started opening pressies from him and his family, including beautiful Aussie animal ornaments, heaps of chocolates and biscuits, and the most over the top of all: a sunrise hot air balloon ride and wine tour in the Yarra Valley. If I hadn’t been in such complete shock, I would have sobbed right on the spot. I’d say that was the best part but the real cake topper was a lovely hand-drawn, hand-written card that meant everything to me. I could have gotten nothing else but that card and I’d have felt very lucky to be there. It was truly a Merry Christmas.

In Sickness and in Health

Oh also, I got horribly ill. Probably should mention that at some point! I was all well and good until the penultimate date of the year when I got terribly sunburnt from a cloudy day at the beach. Having lived in Australia previously and being super fair skinned I should know better but I was lax about putting on sunscreen that day and paid the price. So the next day when I had serious chills while wandering St Kilda even though it was warm and sunny out, I chalked it up to a bit of sun poisoning. But once we got home and I could barely lay in bed without shaking, I caved and asked for a thermometer. Good thing too since I had a fever of 39 degrees (that’s 102 for you American folk.) Around this same time, I also started getting pain in my side, a worrying moment if you have kidneys as bad as mine. Luckily, Prost’s parents are a surgeon and nurse and despite the fact that it was NYE, they wrote me a script and picked it up so that I could get on antibiotics asap. They also told me in no uncertain terms that if I didn’t, I wouldn’t be able to fly home. Now clearly, I’d have loved to spend more time in Australia but that would have caused all kinds of work headaches. Unfortunately, my ill health killed our NYE plans and Prost stayed home with me while I basically just slept on the couch, insisting that I had to be up at midnight. The next day was little better and we were basically house-bound except I managed to feel well enough to go for a swim. Through all of this though, Prost and Mumma Prost looked after me with tender loving care and despite it being a real bummer at least I got sick at the end and not the beginning!

Prost

I guess this is the most important part, the pièce de résistance: how did things go with Prost? Well, I’m oddly not sure how to answer that. If you had asked me while I was there, I would have told you about how effortless things seem to be when we’re together and how much I loved waking up next to him every morning. But I guess when you look back at it, you have a much more critical eye. We had great sex (multiple times a day), but was that the main reason for being there? I bloody hell hope not since I could have had sex without flying half way round the world! One day that really stood out to me was when we went to the cricket and I met a half dozen of his mates from high school. I was a bit nervous since I thought it would be really awkward but I felt like things were quite cheery and genial and not a hair out of place while there. I guess in my mind, if someone holds your hand the whole time while out with their friends, they’re clearly happy to have you there. On the opposite end of the spectrum though, was the day we went on the hot air balloon ride. The ride itself was phenomenal - one of the highlights of my year - but afterwards we went to brekkie and one of the gals from the ballooning company asked us if we were in a long distance relationship. I said we were “nothing right now” and Prost said we were “just friends.” And it cut me deep to the core. I adore my friends but I don’t spend two days travelling to meet their families and spend Christmas with them. Although, in retrospect, my answer was no better or nice sounding. And to his credit, Prost actually brought up the awkward encounter a few days later. But at that point I was sick and kind of brushed it off. 

It was the most incredible holiday. I was totally blessed to be able to visit Australia for a second time this year and to see Melbourne in a different light. Prost and his family were so lovely to me and I felt humbled by all their hospitality. I should be grateful for every moment of this experience. Yet, at the same time, that gratitude is clouded by the lack of closure best described by me when talking to Prost I called us “something else” because I don’t know what else we could be. I’m not good at saying goodbye and that departures area at the airport before security is never kind to me, especially when you get blown a kiss by someone who you’re not sure you’ll see again. 

I guess the practical thing to do now would be to get back on Tinder and start swiping anew. But it’s really hard to put your heart into something when you’re missing a piece, and my piece was left in Melbourne.

[theothermasquerades]

farewell on a rooftop

Short story ~ 10/2/20

As I sat on that rooftop waiting for Alex, it started to rain. I did not mind.

I looked up at the sky, leaning right back to peer past the plastic umbrella that was doing very little to protect me from the coming storm. Dark skies. Good - it was going to pour.

I sat forward again, checked the door, then relit my cigarette. It had gotten a little wet from the drizzle, sagging sadly in my mouth, but sprang back to life when I inhaled smoke and warmth. I was sitting in the smoking section of The Ascot, the university local; not the bar within the grounds of the university, but one five-minutes north, where the drinks were cheaper and the staff weren’t dicks. As the name might suggest, The Ascot was a big racing pub, filled with middle aged men watching horses on televisions. Whenever I walked through the gaming section of the place I couldn’t help but think of the girls in primary school who were equally interested in horses, and how much such a comparison might annoy those present. The whole square footage of the ground floor was devoted to gambling, forcing perpetrators of that other sin – the smokers – onto the roof, where the furniture was much less comfortable. Not that we were ever discouraged from smoking. I would have chosen the furthest spot from the horse boys in any case.

I looked around for my bag of tobacco to roll another cigarette while I waited, but the idea was suddenly rendered obsolete. Alex walked through the door. I smiled, as I always did in his presence, forgetting my nicotine cravings entirely.

Rain was still pattering the umbrella above me. It hung in Alex’s mop of dark hair; tiny droplets which dripped down my back when we hugged hello. His chest was warm. I tried to banish the thought, but before I could, another; He smelled fresh, like clean bedsheets. I held my breath, and hoped the morning’s perfume was doing its duty. Alex didn’t smoke.

“Sorry I’m late, forgot I had to return my library books. Can you imagine the late fees if I’d accidentally packed them?”

Alex had flown over from Wellington to study Jazz when I’d flown from Hobart for the same reason. The course was considered quite prestigious by some, but the presence within our number of a small group of fucking morons had really shattered any illusions of grandeur early on. The course couldn’t be that good if they’d accepted Seamus. This was probably a good thing for me; the surest way to destroy my performance in any field was to suggest that I might be uncommonly good at it. I thrived at being mediocre, and so had made a reasonable pass at playing piano the past three years. But it was all over now. I was staying in Melbourne. Alex was not.

Alex brushed rain from his hair and made a joke about his terrible packing. I laughed, and made some blithe remark about “it all being real.” It made my chest tight. I immediately wished I’d said something stupid about the weather instead. Something to keep the intensity of the situation at arms length.

“Yeah, I know. Nice of you to… glad we could grab a drink before I left. Can’t say I’ll miss this place though.” On cue, the umbrella above us sagged and dribble water down Alex’s shoulder. We laughed.

Maybe it didn’t have to be real if we didn’t look it square in the face. Fantasies like “we’ll meet again” and “I’ll stay in touch!” Could be bandied about as if we actually believed them. I thought of sitting on this hard wooden bench in two weeks with the other people I’d met in Melbourne, the vapid, the self-obsessed, the boring, while Alex was in New Zealand, saving to move to America. My back hurt.

“Do you want a drink?”

I got up as fast as I could and grabbed my wallet while he was still fumbling for his, his gentle protests following me to the door, but not beyond. You always had to fight Alex to pick up any kind of tab. I turned back to look at him through the windows as I stood at the bar. He was facing away from me, looking out over the neighbouring rooftops. He wasn’t checking his phone or watching the sport on the small outdoor screens, he was just… looking. I took a deep breath, in through my nose, out my mouth. My pulse was buzzing. Why? The awkwardness of a permanent goodbye? Or…

I couldn’t supply the answer.

Bearing two pale ales I headed back to the table, spilling a little down my fingers when I moved too fast. He jumped slightly when he heard me, and plastered a smile over some other emotion. I offered some lame joke about my waitressing skills. Then we drank. I think we were both searching for something to say. Our eyes met and I looked down quickly into my beer, watching as the larger bubbles in the foamy head popped. When they were all gone, I spoke.

“You all packed then?”

He nodded. “Yeah, I leave first thing.”

“So, no wild night out on the town then?”

“Hah. I wish.” Our eyes met briefly again, and I had the faint impression there was something he was trying to say.

Alex was a rare man. He never made anyone feel less than they were. He was a genius, but in a way that appeared to other people’s advantage rather than his own. I didn’t even realise for the first few months I knew him, only ever noticing my own brilliance in his presence. There were never any flashy displays of intelligence or skill, putting someone else down. You really had to be paying attention to see it. He was sweet, maybe more so than anyone else I knew, though he had all of the advantages in life that so often made people cruel. He was tall, handsome, and came from wealth, I think. He would never say.

I blinked a few times, and to my horror discovered my eyelashes were wet. Tiny droplets joined the rain water on the table, my skin. I looked out over the tree tops, twisting my head most of the way around. I focused very hard on two birds circling one another in flight, circling or mating. It was hard to say.

“I don’t know what to say.” “Not much to say. It sucks.” “Yeah. I hate it.” “I’ll miss you.” “You too.” “Who will laugh at my terrible jokes now?” “Who will nod thoughtfully at the stupid things I say, more like.” “Well, I’ll have to come back and visit, then.” “Yeah. Maybe I’ll visit you.”

It was the wrong thing to say. We both knew it was never going to happen, and The Reason Why seemed to enter the space between us with my words. Alex’s smile stiffened, but his tone remained casual.

“Give my best to Felix, won’t you? I’m sorry I won’t get to say goodbye.”

And suddenly I understood something that I had only ever guessed at before. I saw the feeling behind his smile that I knew so, so well; the pain of loving someone who couldn’t love you back. Suddenly I knew.

I smiled back, without teeth. My lips wouldn’t open. “Yeah, I will.” The words were heavy, almost throaty.

I rolled a new cigarette, taking far more care than I normally would, as we spoke of inane things, things I hardly noticed. As I fiddled with the filter I stole another glance across at him. The sudden revelatory emotion had all but vanished, as he asked me about upcoming projects and mutual friends. I began to think, hope I had imagined it. I took him in properly for the first time all day. He was wearing his normal unbuttoned shirt and suspender combination. I don’t think I’d ever met anyone else in real life who wore suspenders unironically. I used to think it was a dumb affectation, before I got to know the bloke. It occurred to me that Alex was exactly the guy I had always pictured myself ending up with. Suddenly, unbidden, I began picturing what a life with Alex would look like. I saw conversations on shared interests, about books, art, history, philosophy. We really were astonishingly similar, though his temperament was much gentler. I saw him cooking me dinner and travel to exotic places. No more arguments over Felix’s financial situation or his inability to boil a fucking egg. I saw peace, with Alex, my beautiful friend, the most patient man I had ever met. And how happy we could be.

“You don’t believe I would come to New Zealand.” The remark surprised him. He looked up at me then, then looked away again to drink from his beer.

“No, I guess not. Would you?”

The question came wrapped in a sardonic smile. He was asking about more than just a holiday. I felt blood rise in my cheeks, as lust flooded my body. For the first time, I wanted him. I was overwhelmed with desire, to go out of limits, to have that which I should not, could. I didn’t even try to stop the thoughts; how good it would feel. How bad and how good. I drank from my own beer, the icy liquid cooling my chest and but heating my blood. I thought of kissing him and it was as though I’d never wanted anything else quite that much. I answered his question quietly.

“I don’t want to think I’ll never see you again.” My lips were wet. I felt myself blush.

Alex seemed to have to make himself look away from my mouth. He was suddenly laughing, and to my surprise, now it was his eyes filling with tears. He clenched and unclenches his fists, and finally spoke. “If I didn’t like your boyfriend so much I’d kiss you right now.” From another man, it would have been a suggestion, almost an invitation. But Alex was being perfectly serious.

“I like you, Alex.” I tried to take his hand, but he pulled it away from me. I felt like I’d been slapped in the face.

“Maybe. But you love Felix,” he said.

Shame overwhelmed me. My cheeks burned and I stared into my lap. He was right. Felix, upon whom I was constantly looking down. Funny, kind, childlike Felix, who didn’t know how to file a tax return, but who was good to me, and whom I loved beyond all reason. Who was unlike anyone else I knew. If I chose Alex, I would have less pain, but also less joy.

And I saw myself suddenly, between these two men, best friend and lover, in the certain knowledge that I deserved neither of them. Alex looked back at me, his eyes still red but not wet. “I won’t forget you, Jess.” But I knew that he would, and for this at least I was glad.

He got up to leave then, and the rain started falling very heavily. I lit my new cigarette.

[getseriouser]

20 THOUGHTS: Easy peasy, Albanese

ALL the experts said the UK would vote to remain in the EU. Similarly everyone thought Hilary would win 

Why do we then act so surprised with last Saturday’s result?

I mean, North Melbourne aren’t the most reliable of tips in 2019 and Sydney showed up in the moments that mattered, let’s be honest.

Oh, and the Federal Election, yeah what a boil over that was. Flicking Malcolm Turnbull then the extra day of mess to turn Peter Dutton into Scott Morrison – masterstroke.

Alastair Clarkson could only dream of such a bold yet effective gameplan.

 1.       Let’s get Carlton out of the way early. Pretty awful last Sunday arvo, sure. But there was nothing surer than the GWS, a week after a pretty soft performance, being openly roasted by their football director, with the prospect of a home game playing a team who’d won four of their last 40, being absolutely on like no-one’s business and doing a number. ‘Giants by a street’ was the bet of the round. So how much were the Blues on a hiding to nothing before a ball was even bounced, why was there such a shock?

2.       As for the victors, so let’s get this straight. Only team to beat the flag favourite, and down at Geelong too, yet one bad game against Hawthorn and they’re a failure. But now, after a dominant performance which showed they are as ruthless as it gets, they’re a favourite again? This column sticks fat, everyone else changes like the Melbourne weather.

3.       Geez, Matty Lloyd, the velvet sledgehammer got soft. Said about Shane Mumford on Marc Murphy “I don’t think he should play this week… his eyes are nowhere near the ball, his eyes are only on Murphy.” Reckons he should have been offered two weeks suspension. Now Matthew, Chrisso assessed it as “…Mumford’s actions were not unreasonably in the circumstances. No further action was taken.” Exactly, it’s a contact sport Lloydy, bloody hell.

4.       Speaking of the former Carlton skipper, he’ll miss a few games now with ribs, but why is he playing in the seniors whilst four-time premiership legend Jaryd Roughead is languishing his last year of footy at Box Hill. If Rough is playing VFL, then the Northern Blues should be where Murphy plays too.

5.       Daisy cops seven and a half gorillas for calling an umpire a cheat. Hmm, surely an apology is all that needs, I mean sure it’s not a great word and umpires need the respect, but that’s a massive whack, especially when it didn’t make the umpires mics so it was just the boundary umpire having a whinge.

6.       Last one on Carlton – Sam Walsh. Number one pick, one of the favourites for the Rising Star, will be a 200-game jet at a minimum. But is he even the best midfielder from his draft class? Those this column trust suggest Bailey Smith, this week’s rising star nominee, will end up the better player and the Dogs, should they have had pick one last year, would have chosen Smith over Walsh. Time will tell, but Doggies fans have got themselves an absolute beauty if nothing else.

7.       On the Doggies, hows the Luke Beveridge vs. Damien Barrett saga. I had a stoush once, it barely lasted a week. This has been years. And the latest episode was on Barrett’s reporting of Tom Boyd a couple years ago, the mental illness vs. back complaint conversation. Regardless, there’s ego on both sides, neither is completely in the right, but players would run through brick walls and win flags for Bevo, whereas the other is getting flogged everywhere for football’s four hundredth best podcast. Sod off Damo.

8.       Mid-season draft on Monday, some clubs will find some much needed talent to keep them in the race for the eight, such as Essendon who might look for a backup in the ruck. But others have an eye to the future. If there’s a guy in the VFL or SANFL who might be a second round or third round pick come the end of the year, why not snare him now and stash him, freeing up the pick you’d used in November? Not the intention of the draft but as always the AFL instils new ideas ridden with loopholes to exploit.

9.       I know it’s a broken record but seriously, West Coast can’t win it, I know they’re seen by some as one of only five chances, but unless they tweak something that changes how they look, or Naitanui’s return adds something really different, they haven’t evolved from last year when one always must evolve. Melbourne if they were any good would have toppled them. They’re 6-3 and sitting sixth, or equal third, but with a % of an even 100 – it’s a false record.

10.   Dees scoring, awful. Jayden Hunt with 11 goals is leading their goal-kicking, Jake Melksham next on 10. Christian Petracca is playing as a forward moreso than in the guts and only eight goals. It’s shit.

11.   Brisbane has only four games left against teams in the eight right now – job done, they kinda have to make finals now, well done Fagan and team.

12.   Gotta say it, is the eight done?

13.   Trav Varcoe, its probably a week, sure, but gee, for Indigenous Round where the Pies wear a jumper which honours the life and tragedy that was Varcoe’s sister, Maggie, who died sadly from an accident on the football field. Can we all agree he plays this week but serves his suspension the round after perhaps?

14.   Another reason I think the Cats and Pies are too short for flag odds and the Tigers as premiership threats loom large – Geelong has used 28 players, Collingwood 27, Richmond though, 33.

15.   Gold Coast, sure Stuey Dew has been seen to so far have done a good job, but they’re back down to third last, two of their three wins were by under a kick and possess a worse % than Carlton. Dew’s getting a pass mark yet Bolton is cooked?

16.   St Kilda, should have won, plain and simple. But they’ll be ok, they’ve got good bits to work with, Billings, Gresham, Dunstan, Steele, nice pieces, stay patient, ride the course.

17.   Sunday at the MCG, two tall forwards on a nice dry day played ok games. One had nine touches and six marks, the other seven touches and five marks. One has played 140 games and is on a million bucks, the other was playing his seventh and is getting peanuts. Tom Lynch. Mitchell Lewis. If you’re a Hawks fan, you would have walked away upset about the loss but happy the highly-prized recruit at the other end is no better than your tall forward.

18.   The Adam Goodes doco goes public in a couple weeks but a few have already seen it. Regardless of whether we all agree there was ‘some’ racism involved or it was literally about he and his character only and skin had nothing to do with it, the portrayal of the booing in his final year is coming from a deliberately controlled angle and it paints the AFL, the media and the football public badly. But we must remember its ‘an’ angle, only. Did at least one racist boo Adam Goodes? Most definitely. Did everyone booing him do so because he was Indigenous, or ‘not-white’. Most definitely not. Tarnishing the masses with the same brush hey, that’s always inclusive. Don’t listen to those in the media towing the politically correct line. Same thing with Scott Pendlebury ANZAC Day. Booing for different reasons, sure, but what I do know is that the outrage and the act with that did not marry. 

I’ll close with this - I like Bachar Houli, I like Majak Daw and I like Lin Jong. I like Eddie Betts, Travis Varcoe and Cathy Freeman. I don’t hate Adam Goodes, I thoroughly respect his football ability, but he wasn’t my cup of English breakfast, even before he pointed out the girl who absolutely did the wrong thing that night at the MCG. Now I’m not a booer but I have no broad issue with booing in between sirens. Am I racist?

19.   Next year is 50 years since the famous first semi-final between St Kilda and South Melbourne in front of 104,000, the Saints big winners on the day but a landmark occasion for both clubs trying to compete with the Carltons, Collingwoods and Essendons of the day. Said it before but now with an anniversary to commemorate it, Saints v Swans, Queens Birthday eve, Sunday primetime, Sydney wearing a South jumper, a match to honour rivalry that for a long time spawned from being either end of Albert Park Lake, but two storied tribes who played a massive part in the growth of the competition in this city.

20.   Some cricket to end with, the World Cup is fast approaching and the home nation are raging favourites. England seemingly score 400 at will and scorers are prepared for a 500 at some point perhaps. But here’s the dirty secret, the entire England batting prowess sits with their openers – Jason Roy and Jonny Bairstow. From there, Joe Root is awesome but not Sachin Tendulkar, Ben Stokes ain’t Viv Richards, and its ho hum from there. Bowling unit is good but no better than anyone else’s, so if you can get an opener or both cheaply, they’re just, well, England. But you let them get 150 for the first wicket, you’re screwed.

[emospritelet]

Waiting Game - chapter 6

In which Neal and Emma get to the bottom of the misunderstanding.  You’ll have to wait for the next chapter for Gold and Lacey making up, but they’re definitely in a far better place.

Also on AO3

Lacey paced up and down by the Cadillac, the bright sunshine a strange counterpoint to her mood.  A red-haired man walking a Dalmatian smiled and nodded to her as he passed, and she glared at him, which made his throat bob.  Bloody small towns and their nosy inhabitants!  It occurred to her that Gold was bound to be the chief source of gossip for them all when they found out he’d gotten a college girl pregnant.  Perhaps him moving to Boston made sense after all.  She had yet to tell her father the news, and she was dreading it.  To have become everything he’d said she would: a college dropout and single mother, not married, no relationship with the father, no money and no prospects.  It was everything she had studied hard to avoid, and the thought made her desperately sad.

The sound of the door behind her made her spin around, and Gold surveyed her through dark glasses as he adjusted the cuffs of his shirt.  The tie was back on, the collar fastened, and she got the impression that the suit was like armour for him, a barrier between him and anything that might get under his skin.  A gold tie pin secured the length of royal blue silk, gleaming in the sunlight.  It made her long for his more relaxed look, tie off and shirt unbuttoned, a glimpse of his tanned chest and his forearms.  She licked her lips, shoving the inappropriate thoughts aside.  It was thinking like that that had gotten her into this mess in the first place.

Gold adjusted his cane and walked down the steps, opening up the passenger door for her.  She opened her mouth to tell him she was more than happy to sit in the back and not speak, but snapped it shut, getting in.  They would need to talk, after all, and she supposed that four hours of silence wasn’t the best way to develop a civil relationship with her baby’s father.  Oh dear God, I have a babydaddy!  I had a one-night stand with my friend’s dad and now I’m carrying his kid!  I am every crappy daytime TV show I ever despised, what the hell!

Wincing, she slumped in the seat, pulling the belt around herself and remembering the last time she had been in this car, when she knew they were going back to his hotel for sex and fun and she had been happy and horny and hadn’t had a care in the world beyond passing her finals.  Life was an absolute bitch at times.

Gold pulled in at the diner on the way out of town, and she waited in the car while he picked up a paper bag containing a large sandwich made with thick slices of roast beef, mustard, fresh tomato and sliced pickles.  Lacey dug into it with a will, not realising how hungry she had been, her mouth watering at the sharp taste of the pickles.  She took another bite, chewing and swallowing, and for a few minutes there was silence as she ate.  He had two iced teas as well, sitting in their cardboard tray in the well between them, and she sucked some through a straw to cleanse her palate.

Gold had eaten nothing, but he drank some of the tea, setting it back before turning onto the freeway.  Lacey watched him, his knuckles clenching over the stick as the car picked up speed, sunlight glinting on the heavy ring he wore and the tiny golden hairs on his wrist.  She supposed she should try to be civil, since he was being so nice, despite how he felt about her.  It would make things easier in the future.  He was concentrating on the road ahead, and she ran her eyes over the hair that now just brushed the tips of his ears.  There was more silver in it, short as it was, but she liked that.  He glanced at her, the sunglasses hiding his eyes, and she blushed.

“You want some?” she asked, holding up the sandwich, and he shook his head.

“How is it?” he asked.

“Good pickles,” she admitted.  “It’s a pretty awesome sandwich, not gonna lie.”

Gold’s lips twitched as he watched the road.

“I’ll pass along your compliments to Mrs Lucas.”

She turned back to the sandwich, and there was more silence until she finished it, licking mustard from her thumb and wiping her hands on a napkin before shoving it in the paper bag.

“What’s it like, living in a small town?” she asked, and he glanced at her with a raised brow, as though he was surprised she had stopped yelling at him.

“It’s quiet,” he said.  “Peaceful.  The residents are neighbourly, except when they want a rent extension that I’m not prepared to give.  The countryside around is beautiful, although clearly I’m not so good on the rougher trails.  There are town fairs, and local food festivals, and people keep an eye on one another.  I suppose you would call it boring.”

“I don’t know,” she admitted.  “I’ve only ever known cities.  My dad moved us here from Melbourne when I was eight.”

“And where is he?”

“Boston,” she said, and he looked at her again.

“But you don’t live with him?”

Lacey pulled a face.

“Believe me, I took the first opportunity I could to get the hell out of there.  Not a great atmosphere to be studying in.  He likes to drink.”

“Right.”  He was silent for a moment.  “You haven’t told him, then?  About the baby?”

“Not yet.”  She covered her face with her hands, groaning a little.  “God, I’m not looking forward to that!”

“Well, we could go together, if you like,” he suggested, and she sighed.

“Let’s deal with Neal first,” she said gloomily.

They drove in silence for a while, and Lacey dozed in her seat, the sleepless nights since she had gotten the test results catching up with her.  It was a relief in a way, to have told him.  Particularly when he seemed to want so badly to help.  She had been scared and confused, and to have him actually offer to upend his entire life just to fit around her and the baby was beyond anything she had expected.  It almost made her feel safe.

She felt rested by the time they reached Boston, and Gold pulled into the university car park, turning off the engine and looking across at her.

“Alright?” he asked, and Lacey nodded.

“I guess,” she sighed, and glanced up at him.  “Look, thanks for keeping it together while I chewed your ass out.  One of us had to, right?  I felt like I was losing it completely.”

Gold nodded, smiling briefly, his eyes still hidden by the sunglasses.

“I think you’ve been under a lot of stress,” was all he said, and he opened the car door.

They walked across to the accommodation building, and Lacey enjoyed the warmth of the sun on her face.  Students lounged on the grass outside, some reading, most simply talking and playing music, and she sighed to herself, jealous of their carefree happiness, and worrying over what was to come.  Her legs felt heavy as they mounted the stairs, but Gold moved awkwardly with his cane, and so they took it slowly.  Lacey stopped at the end of the corridor, eyeing Neal’s door, and jumped at the feel of Gold’s hand on her shoulder.  He let it rest there for a moment, and it was as though a wave of calm swept through her at his touch.

“It’ll be alright,” he said, and she nodded, striding forwards before she could lose her nerve, and knocking on the door with her fist: four sharp raps.  Her heart was in her throat as she heard movement behind it, and Gold stepped up next to her as the door opened.

“Hey, Lace,”  Neal looked out, scratching his head and looking sleepy.  “Dad?  What are you doing here?”

“Neal, may we come in?” asked Gold, his voice quiet, and Neal’s eyes narrowed.

“Are you guys screwing again?” he asked suspiciously.  “Please, could you keep it at the hotel?  I’m still trying to bleach my brain after the last time.”

“May we come in?” repeated Gold, and Neal shrugged, stepping back.

“Sure.  Me and Emma were just watching TV.”

He held open the door, letting them step inside, and Emma called a greeting from her place on the couch.  Lacey heard the door shut behind her, and shifted from foot to foot, casting a nervous glance at Gold.  He was looking at Neal, who was rubbing his eyes, as though he’d been dozing.  It was Emma that seemed to notice first that something was wrong.  Her eyes narrowed, and she switched off the TV with a click of the remote, standing up.

“What’s up, guys?” she asked, and Lacey opened and closed her mouth for a moment, no sound coming out.

“Lacey’s pregnant,” said Gold calmly.

There was a moment of heavy, ominous silence, and then Neal laughed somewhat uneasily, shaking a finger at his father.

“Okay, you almost had me!” he said, grinning.  “Nice try, Dad.”

Emma was watching Lacey, and her eyes widened.

“Holy crap, you’re serious!” she said, and Neal blinked.

“Really?” he said, sounding incredulous.  “You’re - you’re not - kidding?”

“I’m not kidding,” said Gold.  “We certainly didn’t plan it this way, but it’s happened, and I intend to do everything I can to make the best of things.”

“The best of things!” said Neal, his voice rising.  “Dad, what the hell?  You knocked up my best friend, what is wrong with you?”

Lacey had a moment to feel pleased at being called Neal’s best friend, but then he turned to her.

“Jesus, Lace, are you okay?  Do you need to sit down?”

“For fuck’s sake, mate, I’m not sick!” she protested. lifting her arms and letting them fall.  “I’m pregnant!”

Neal rounded on Gold.

“Dad, how the hell could you do this?” he demanded.  “After all those talks when I was like thirteen?  What, did you forget how to use a condom?”

“It’s not his fault!” interrupted Lacey, and then wondered why the hell she was defending him.

“Of course it’s his fault, it’s not like he doesn’t know!” said Neal, clearly furious.  “I don’t believe this!”

“Okay, maybe we should calm down a little, hmm?” suggested Emma, and Neal ran his hands through his hair, turning away.

“We did use condoms,” said Gold, and Lacey couldn’t believe how calm his voice was.  “But it happened nonetheless, and I intend to do whatever I can that will best take care of my child, and of Lacey.”

My child.  Lacey shuddered, the sound of him claiming the child they had created almost a turn-on.

Neal looked between them both.

“So does this mean you two are making a go of things?” he asked.

“No,” said Lacey automatically, and Gold closed his eyes.  She swallowed.  “We - we haven’t discussed what’s gonna happen,” she said.  That sounded better.  “There’s a lot we need to sort out before the baby comes, right?”

“When are you due?” asked Emma curiously, and Lacey pulled a face.

“January,” she said, and Emma winced.

“What about college?”

“I don’t know.”  Lacey began pacing.  “I guess I’ll do what I can.”

“We can discuss that later,” said Gold.  “But we wanted to tell you in person first.”

Neal was looking shell-shocked, and Lacey nudged him with an elbow.

“Hey,” she said.  “Are we cool?”

“What?”  He ran a hand through his hair again.  “Yeah, I really need to process this…”

“Of course.”  Gold shot Lacey a brief look.  “Why don’t I go and check into a hotel?  We - we could meet for dinner, if you like.”

“I guess.”

Neal shrugged, and Lacey stood awkwardly with her arms folded around herself.  Emma kept shooting glances between the three of them, and Gold sighed.

“I’ll call you later, then,” he said heavily, and let himself out of the room.  The door closing sounded very loud, and Lacey cringed a little.

“Whoa,” remarked Emma.  “Awkward.”

“Sorry,” muttered Lacey, and Emma sighed.

“Not you, honey, the situation.”  She tugged at Neal’s sleeve.  “Come on, let’s get out of here, get some air.  Can you drink coffee, Lacey?”

“I guess, but honestly it makes me nauseous,” said Lacey gloomily.  “Better stick with tea.”

“Okay, let’s go get the hot beverage of your choice, and we can talk this through,” suggested Emma.

The three of them traipsed out of the room, making their way downstairs and walking slowly across the rolling grass towards the nearest coffee shop.  Lacey frowned as she walked, and Neal glanced across at her.

“So, do I have to call you Mom?” he asked, with a tiny grin, and she shoved him.

“Shut up!  It’s not like that.”

“So I saw,” said Emma.

“Oh God, this is a nightmare!” grumbled Lacey, and Emma shrugged.

“At least your babydaddy has money.  Could have been worse.  No offence, Neal.”

“None taken,” said Neal.  “I can’t believe he did this!  After everything he used to say to me!”

“I think it’s hilarious that you get to give your dad ‘the talk’,” chuckled Emma, and put a hand on Lacey’s arm.  “Oh, sorry honey, are we being insensitive?”

“Yeah, are you sure you’re okay?” asked Neal.  “Must have been a shock.”

“The biggest,” admitted Lacey.  “I made them run the test three times.  Amazed you didn’t hear me yelling.”

“What about Dad?” asked Neal.  “Did he yell when you told him?”

Lacey shook her head.

“He was so calm,” she said.  “He actually said he wants the baby, that he’ll help look after it so I can finish college.”

“Well, that’s good!” said Emma, and Lacey pulled a face.

“It’s weird, is what it is,” she grumbled.  “No one’s that calm when you give them life-changing news.  Maybe it just hasn’t sunk in yet.”

“Maybe he was serious,” said Emma, and she shrugged.

“Plus, Dad really likes kids,” added Neal.  “So there’s that, I guess.”

Lacey stopped suddenly, pressing hands to her face, her expression stricken.

“Oh my God, I don’t even know his first name!” she groaned, digging her fingertips into her cheeks.  “What the hell is that about?”

“What have you been calling him, then?” asked Emma, looking amused, and Lacey hesitated.

“Gold,” she said finally.  “Although actually most of the names I’ve been calling him today haven’t been complimentary, gotta say.”

Emma snickered, and nudged Neal.

“Come on, help a girl out, here.”

“How the fuck could I have sex with someone over and over and not even learn their first name?” Lacey went on, looking mortified.  “Like what the hell is wrong with me?

“His name’s Rufus,” said Neal, and she rolled her eyes.

“Oh my God, that’s like a dog’s name!” she moaned.

“Can’t disagree,” remarked Emma, and Neal sighed.

“”It’s an old family name,” he said patiently.  “Look, Lace, what gives?  I thought you two liked each other.  I know he likes you.”

“Yeah, right,” she said morosely, and Neal scratched the back of his head, looking puzzled.

“He asked me to give you his number, remember?” he said.  “He wanted you to come to dinner with us last time he was in town.”

“You missed a kick-ass steak,” put in Emma.

“Look, just because he wants to sleep with me doesn’t mean he likes me,” Lacey pointed out.  “He probably has a different girl every time he comes to town.”

“Whoa.”  Neal ran a hand over his face.  “Look, you couldn’t be more wrong.  He’s not like that.”

“Well, if that’s the case, how come he’s such a bloody demon in the sack?” she demanded, and Neal held up both hands in alarm.

“No details, no details!” he protested.

“Maybe you’re just really compatible,” suggested Emma.  “I mean it sounded that way.  He was having as much fun as you, from what we heard.”

“Would you stop reminding me of that?” moaned Neal, looking pained, and Emma chuckled.

“Neal, you’re gonna have a little brother or sister that’s gonna be reminding you of that for years!” she said, and Lacey sighed despondently.

“Oh God,” she said.  “We’re going to have to do the whole Christmas and birthdays thing, aren’t we?  Awkward handovers and pretending to be civil for the sake of the kid.”

“Or,” said Neal patiently.  “You could just come to dinner too and we could all get along.”

Lacey muttered something under her breath, and Neal rolled his eyes.

“Look, I’m telling you he likes you,” he said.  “He doesn’t sleep around, as far as I know, and he likes you.  So why do you think there’s gonna be a problem?”

Lacey opened her mouth for an angry retort, and then snapped it shut.  It was natural that he would want to think the best of his father, after all.  Emma eyed her curiously.

“Honey, what is it that makes you say he doesn’t like you?” she asked, and Lacey pulled a face.

“I - heard him,” she admitted.  “The morning after I stayed over.  He was talking on the phone in the hotel lounge, talking about having company.”

“Go on,” said Neal, and she shifted uncomfortably, the memory making her squirm.

“He - called me a piece of trash,” she said stiffly.  “That I was barely worth his time.”  She lifted her chin.  “An - an exhilarating ride, but not suitable for a man of his position.  Or some other bollocks.”

Emma winced.  “Ouch.”

“Something about dealing with his midlife crisis in his own way,” she added.  “That was it.”

“Yeah, that would make me mad enough to chew through walls,” Emma agreed, and looked at Neal.  “What do you think?”

Neal shook his head.

“I still don’t see it,” he said.  “I can tell he likes you, he wouldn’t say something like that about someone he likes.  Not that I think you’re lying,” he added hastily.  “It’s just not who he is.”

Emma tilted her head a little, frowning.

“Are you sure it was about you?”

“Who else could it have been about?” demanded Lacey.

“Well, did he mention your name?” asked Emma, and Lacey hesitated, rifling through her memories.

“I - no, I don’t think so,” she admitted.  “But…”

“So you heard one half of a conversation and you don’t know who he was talking to?” said Emma flatly, and Lacey opened and closed her mouth.

“Um....” she said. “Yeah?”

“And you drew your own conclusions based on that one half and decided he doesn’t like you?”

“I…” Lacey grimaced, feeling awkward.  “Um - yeah?”

“And did you actually tell him any of this and get his explanation?”

“I - well - I…” stuttered Lacey, and Emma nodded.

“You bailed, huh?” she said understandingly.  “What about when you told him about the baby?”

Lacey winced.  “I - I guess I yelled something at him, I don’t really remember.”

“And how did he look?” asked Emma, and Lacey screwed up her nose.

“Confused…” she said, a sinking feeling slipping into the depths of her belly and weighing her down.

“Oh, for the love of…”  Emma rolled her eyes, putting her hands on her hips.  “Neal, you and me are gonna sort this out, okay?  Ask your dad who he was talking to and if he remembers what it was about.”

“On it.”  

Neal strode away, and Lacey sat down on the grass with a thump.

“Shit,” she said, with feeling.

Neal managed to catch up with Gold just as he was walking to the car, and shouted to get his attention.

“Lacey thinks you don’t like her,” he said in a rush, and Gold sighed.

“Yes, I gathered that much,” he said.  “She said something about me thinking she was trash, I don’t understand it.”

“I think I do,” said Neal.  “She overheard you on the phone to someone the morning after she stayed over.  She thinks you were talking about her.”

“On the phone?”  Gold looked puzzled.  “I don’t remember.”

“Look, can we sit in the car?” asked Neal patiently.  “Why not call Ariel?  She might know.  It was probably her, anyway.”

“Probably,” agreed Gold, and unlocked the car.

Once he and Neal were seated, he put the phone on speaker to call Ariel.  She answered in her usual chirpy way, and Gold asked her if she could remember speaking to him early in the morning six weeks previously.

“I’ll have made a note if I did,” she said thoughtfully.  “I always write down what you agree, so you can’t say you didn’t afterwards.”

Neal shot his father an amused and knowing look, and Gold rolled his eyes.

“Your faith in my memory is charming,” he said.  “Have you found it?”

“Give me a chance!”  They could hear the rustle of pages, and a low murmuring.  “Ah!  Here we are!  Yes, I called you early in the morning when I was going through all those draft contracts, remember?”

“Vaguely,” said Gold, frowning.  “What did we discuss?”

“The loan on Leroy’s boat,” she said promptly.  “You remember?  He wanted to borrow five thousand and secure it against Dwarf Star, and you said she…”

“I said she was a piece of trash,” sighed Gold, rubbing a hand over his face.  “Of course.  Anything else?”

“Um - I told you about August offering you first dibs on his motorbike,” she added.  “You said no, that it wasn’t suitable for a man of your reputation, but that it was ‘an exhilarating ride’.  I wrote that down to tell him, and he thought it was cute.  He sold it to Dr Whale in the end, you know.”

“Thank you, Ariel,” said Gold heavily.  “You’ve been most helpful.”

“Anytime!” she said brightly, and he hung up, turning to Neal.

“So that’s what she heard,” said Neal.  “Jesus.”

“In which case I can understand her anger,” said Gold.  “Of course, it would have helped if she’d actually talked to me about it at the time.  This whole mess could have been cleared up straight away, I don’t understand why she just left.”

“Because people have been calling her trash for years, doofus,” said Neal.  “Deep down she may even believe it.  Her dad’s a piece of work, you know.  Gets drunk and calls her every name under the sun.”

“She mentioned that they don’t get along,” said Gold quietly.  “I didn’t realise that meant she cared what he thought.”

“He’s still family,” said Neal patiently.  “Dad, I know Lacey comes across as someone who doesn’t give a crap what people think, but she really does.  Especially people she cares about.”

Gold sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose.

“I’m not entirely sure this isn’t all a dream,” he said.  “When I woke up this morning it was just another day, and now I have a child on the way with a woman who thinks I despise her.”

“Well, the second part can be fixed,” said Neal firmly, and Gold looked at him.

“Are you sure you’re okay with this?” he asked.  “I realise it’s a lot to take in.  I haven’t completely taken it in myself.”

“Eh, it’s not like I’ll have to change diapers or suffer sleepless nights,” said Neal, in an offhand tone.  “You get that pleasure.  Have fun!”

“Thank you,” said Gold dryly.

There was silence for a moment.

“So - do you want me to go and get Lacey?” asked Neal, and Gold hesitated.

“No,” he said.  “By all means explain what happened, but I don’t want her to feel pressured into speaking to me before she’s ready.”

“So what are you gonna do?” asked Neal.

“I’m going to check into The Avonlea,” said Gold.  “You can tell her where I’m staying.  If she wants to talk, that’s where I’ll be.”

By the time Neal found Emma and Lacey, they had made it to the coffee shop, and Lacey was sitting with her hands around a large mug of hot chocolate with whipped cream and cinnamon.  A half-eaten chocolate muffin sat on a plate in front of her, dark crumbs scattered on the table.  Neal sat down to explain what she had overheard that morning, and Lacey’s expression turned from suspicious to uncomfortable to mortified.

“Oh God!” she groaned, hanging her head.  “I’m an idiot!  He must hate me!”

“Of course he doesn’t,” said Neal.  “He knows it was a mistake.  Why don’t you go and talk to him?”

“Because I’ll probably end up swallowing my own fucking foot or something,” she grumbled.  “I bloody well should.  Why the hell do I have to open my mouth and let words come out?”

“Look, no one’s gonna make you talk to him today,” Neal assured her.  “But you’ll have to at some point.  He knows it was a mistake, he’s not gonna ride your ass.”

“Unless you’re into that,” put in Emma, and giggled as Neal and Lacey shot her identical looks.

“At least you know what he thinks, right?” added Neal, and Lacey shook her head.

“All I know is that he didn’t say I was a piece of trash,” she said.  “I don’t know what he actually thinks of me, and you’re right, I’m gonna have to talk to him, so I guess there’s no time like the present for looking like a fucking idiot.”

“Want us to give you a ride?” asked Emma, sympathy in her voice, and Lacey sighed and nodded.

“Let’s get this over with,” she said resignedly.  “One serving of apology pie, please.  All the trimmings.  And a side-order of ‘sorry I called you a dickhead’.”

“Yeah, we’ll get that to go,” said Emma, chuckling, and squeezed her shoulder.  “Come on, honey.  Drink up.”

[jamessiimon]

Nabbit, Boof or Mushy, Madz or Moo. You’re still Jack and Mady to me.

With my decision to leave my home country to pursue my career came an enormous amount of emotions. Excitement for the adventure, nervousness for the unknown, confidence and courage even if it was faked and of course sadness, remorse and loneliness as I left everything to find my everything. But these were just my emotions.

When I first said my goodbyes and crossed into the unknown territory of the international departure lounge, I found myself in a tsunami of emotions, my own emotions and it was not until I returned months later that I understood my decision affected more than just me, but also my close friends, family and colleagues and to a degree that I didn’t even realise.

I have a very close bond with my family. My brother, sister and I (or I should say me and either one of them) rarely fought, we were always together and with the signatures on the divorce certificate of our parent they became more than just my bro and sis. It was so eloquently put by my Nonno (grandfather) “you are now the man of the house and they are now your responsibility. Your brother, your sister but most of all your mother” and from that day as he declared they were my, responsibility.

We grew up in a crazy family of five in the south-eastern suburbs of Melbourne, Australia. My brother and I were always considered twins from people even though we had eighteen months difference in age; we were the same height, were about the same size, wore the same clothes and did everything together. When I was five my parents enrolled me into Auskick, just as many four-year-old children are. Auskick is the Saturday morning activity for kids to practise and learn the rules of AFL, Australian Football League. Four year old me was not very interested in football but my two an a half year old brother was crazy about it, pity you had to be turning five within the year to enrol. So on the second Saturday of April, a few days after my brothers third birthday the family all go to the football ground to see my first day at Auskick. Two things happened that day; one, my parents realised that their son maybe gay and two, my brother got a birthday present he was obsessed by. Five year old me instead of wanting to kick and catch the odd shaped ball and tackle the other children to the ground for it was too busy doing cartwheels and making daisy chains. Never the less the next Saturday morning the person the coach thought was Simon looked slightly different and went from a distracted pansy to a focussed participant. For two years “Simon” was a eager player that showed some potential, until he disappeared and his younger brother came along who looked very similar if not identical.

As we were so close we did everything together, we were hardly inside, always on our BMXs riding through the mountains or to the lake or anywhere we imagined to go. The only rule, be back before dark, a feat that brought on more stress than the final exams at school. I remember one time being at the park hitting golf balls around trying to see who could hit them the furthest and most accurate. I thought at one moment that he had hit me with one of his balls and turned around to find him behind with his ball in hand, again and again we were hit. Turns out it was a freak hail storm that destroyed houses and cars, and there we were in singlets and short trying to not be knocked out in the middle of the park. He was the brawn and I the brains and we were always up to something. We used our motorbike like a boat and ‘ski” behind it in the grass destroying the brand new jeans that mother had just purchased, try to spear on another with a length of electrical pipe while riding home on our bikes or build ramps that were technically not safe to jump with scooters, bike or toy car.

All of these ‘adventures’ came with a risk of injury, but that was just part of it. We used to tell our parents while they towed us on the biscuit behind that boat (its like a inflatable doughnut but flat like a mattress) to try their hardest to throw us off. One time with a freak wave from another boat my cousin, brother and I were thrown 2-3m in the air, I was catapulted so high that I had a moment to look at my cousin who was higher than me trying to swim in the open air. As I descended I landed on my brother and we broke the towrope as he thought he had broken his arm. There was also the time that while playing in the long grass in the spare lot next to our house my brother decided that his entry would consist of a belly flop. Little to his knowledge the builders of our extension had dumped their extra concrete in the lot. Nine stitches and a knee flap of skin exposing his patella later gave my brother the life lesson of look before you leap.

My brother is as stubborn as my mother so much so that if he wants to do something he will. No matter the danger or how many warnings from other people he may hear, it is in one ear and out of the other as he hurdles towards his goal. This stubbornness lead to a scooter accident causing him a broken arm, no bother to my brother as it turns out, it could be used in cricket to create a foul from the bowler and extra points (I don’t know the reason) and this only surfaced after the third time in a month my mother returned to the hospital to replace his cast. This stubbornness also sent him to the emergency department for reconstructive surgery to his skull. My brother and I were taking it in turns to shower (as you do when you’re young) while my mother got our two-year-old sister ready for bed. He was in the shower and I, waiting for my turn to hop in, was walking along the baths edge. He finished showering and with a “what ever you can do I can do better” attitude. He also walked along the side of the bath the only difference being that I was dry while doing it. He slips, hits his head on the porcelain soap holder, cracking his skull causing a 5 cm hole and severing a main artery. I have never seen so much blood and have never screamed so loud for help!

My sister was also stubborn and with an attitude of “I don’t need to listen as I know everything”. This attitude and two older brothers allowed her to have experienced life in a “keep up or don’t play” way. After not listening to me and my cousins warnings of the monkey bars being slippery as it was wet, she fell and broke her arm, which she was not allowed to tell mum as we were worried to get in trouble and it was her fault. Three hours later we told them what had happened and she went to hospital. She has been accidently hit with basketballs, golf clubs, cricket bat, clumps of grass with dirt attached and bikes due to her inability to listen. She has thrown her shoes into creeks, completely fallen into rivers and has been used as a human umbrella to stop my brother and I becoming wet in a downpour of rain. She has rode her bike through puddles that were over a metre deep, has sun stroke almost every summer that I can remember and is as blonde as barbie. But none of this will change the fact that she is our younger sister.

One of the hardest and scariest things that I have had to say to them is that “I am gay”. I was not so nervous to tell my mother and stepfather, as I knew their reaction would be a supportive one and my sister was excited to go shopping with her gay brother. My brother on the other hand frightened me so much that it took me two days after telling the other members of the family to build the courage to tell him. He was playing video games in his room with his girlfriend laying next to him as I walked in asking him to talk about something.

“yeah, yeah, after this round”

“no I really need to tell you something”

“yeah, ok, wait!”

then his girlfriend (at the time) got up and turns off the TV, “your brother needs to talk with you”

“what?”

And I am standing in the doorway thinking I can just say nothing and run away…

“I have met someone and I kind of like them… But that someone is not a girl”

I paused for a slight moment to remember all the good times that we have had together before the words left my mouth just in case it changed everything…

“Jack, I am gay”

I shut my eyes as its always less scary when your eyes are shut…

“But you’re still my brother aren’t you? And nothing changes between us?”

“no of course not”

“Than why did you have to turn off the game? It is live player and you cannot pause it!”

My mother is my rock as I am hers. She is a lady that will and has always given everything to her kids even if she couldn’t afford to, much of this going unnoticed by many but not me, I know it mother. She has been through a lot in her life and is always head held high and strong no matter the life challenge. But let me shy away from the bad moments and remember the better. The time that she nominated herself to be guardian of a group of my friends in primary school during a trip to the zoo leaving the kids to run wild in the walk through bird cage as she was afraid of birds. I think we were there for 30mins until another group came and the guardian could collect all the children and my mother to walk through the cage. She has taught me the importance of respect, to drive, to believe in myself, how to overcome any situation and the skill of eating chicken nuggets with dipping sauce while driving a manual 4WD as she sees it as a “handy life” skill. She taught me the way to create the perfect cock-sucking cowboy shot and after 11 rounds how to draw the Olympic rings. We have had long chats with red wine leading to a surprise Ab-Circle pro to be delivered two weeks later, we have shopped until we couldn’t walk anymore, have been to a cigar lounge to sample whisky (my brothers idea) and ran out of a dodgy taxi without paying. She has raised three amazing children and I am proud to call her mother.

When I was 16 going on 17 a special man walked into my mother’s world and fixed something that now will remain forever his. This man allowed me to take back apart of my adolescence he took some of my responsibility of supporting my family and with this took a part of the weight that was on my shoulders. I was for a long time unable to accept this as it was not his responsibility but he ensured me that he meant no harm and by doing so allowed me to be an actual 17 year old again. He walked into a broken family filled with hormonal teenagers and was “not going to leave no matter the situation as he loved my mother”. Walking her down the aisle to the man that has her heart, words cannot describe that feeling.

My family has been through a lot but throughout everything the only thing we have remained is a strong entity, a family. I am sorry in a way that my life goals have hurt some close friends and my family. But in another way I am not. Without their support, my adventure would have been impossible. I believe in myself but when I don’t you’re there. I will fix any situation that may arise, but if I need you, you’re there. I am 17,000km away but with a call you’re there. I miss you and I know you miss me but think of the adventure you’ll have when you’re here!

I guess what I am trying to say with all this is we are family we have been and always will be no matter where we are in our life or in the world. I love you and miss you. But most of all I need to say Mum, Tino, Jack, Mady and all of my supporters, Thank you.