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#i don't even care if it's gonna be basic
spring-ephemeral · 9 months
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started playing a few of the old pacthesis games on flashpoint as i talked about doing a while ago, and man, I NEED someone to make some sort of retrospective video essay on those games. at least to find more of my fellow people
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billdenbrough · 2 months
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fundamentally disinterested in the recurring discourse about kevin's drinking that aims to a) make it his Specific Problem To Focus On And Overcome when it is a crutch and coping mechanism to get him through a Much Bigger Problem (emotional fallout he can't square with by himself, culture shock, trauma, loss of his extremely wildly co-dependent relationship w riko, losing the structure of the nest, mourning a future he was meant to have, processing a grave injustice, anger and fear and desperate grief, all of which is his Actual Specific Fox Problem) while he builds himself back up, and b) thinks that even if it is a problem (more on that later), it's the foxes' problem to deal with.
like. it's just not.
yeah, he doesn't drink until he meets them. they gave him that habit, and in traditional terms, they're (the monsters specifically) a 'bad influence'. but these are the foxes. this is kevin day, son of exy, whose meteor is crashing spectacularly through no fault of his own. there are no traditional terms to be found here. the framework for it literally doesn't exist. neil comes into the foxes with more conventional expectations—appalled at the athletes' substance use, his horror at matt's trip to columbia, his steadfast and early repeated stance that none of the foxes should let andrew treat them the way he does, and certainly not nicky—and tends to engage with them less as the series goes on and he folds himself into the foxes. the thing about the foxes is that they've all been in pits deeper than they are tall. and some of them got a helping hand on the way—erik, andrew's extreme intervention methods, stephanie walker—and wymack was always waiting for them on the other side, ready to throw down a rope, but all the foxes dragged themselves out of their own holes. often not alone, often not without assistance, but at the end of the day, they have to do it.
there's that line neil has about aaron in that scene that got deleted when the timeline shifted around, when he thinks about how aaron got this far in life on his own, surviving on willpower and sheer desperation. that applies to aaron in a way that's a little more acute than some of the rest of them—boy who doesn't let the foxes in bc of andrew, boy who doesn't let nicky in bc he doesn't know how, boy made of flinching and seeking an escape and grieving the one who hurt him—but is broadly true for the foxes en masse.
this isn't to say the foxes can't help each other, but it's not their job. it just isn't. they'll keep kevin alive, keep him safe, keep him flanked and contained within their ranks. they'll fight tooth and nail in this battle with him, fight to get him to that championship game, fight to get that trophy in his hands. but that's all they've agreed to. that's all they're responsible for, in this covenant they've made with him. he says they can make this happen, and they're going to get him to that final game, but it's up to him what state he's in when he gets there.
like. they're foxes. they've been triaging their whole lives. they hate each other and they hate everyone else more. they're the kids with their backs up against the wall. half of them are addicts. i don't think kevin is comparable, personally; he's getting through a horrific situation with a coping mechanism. that's not the same thing as battling yourself to stop using. but that's not really the point of this. what i'm getting at here is that to the foxes, it's easy math: kevin who can lean on vodka and andrew and wymack and the foxes to stay upright when he's not ready to stand on his own two feet is still a kevin who is standing. a kevin with one less piece of scaffolding to lean on is a kevin who falls over, a kevin at risk of complete collapse, a kevin one phone call away from running back to the master, a kevin one crucial loss away from not ever making it back to himself at all. they're triaging. this is low on the totem pole of things they have the room to care about. they very much have bigger problems, both individually and even just kevin-related. if alcohol makes seeing the boy he knew best in the world and moved in tandem with his whole life and who destroyed their entire legacy and his entire life in one move — if alcohol makes facing that boy easier to stomach, then, fuck, why would they take that away? they're foxes. they've all got their demons. this is what kevin needs this year and a half to let him face his, that's all. they can understand that. it doesn't have to be pretty, as long as it keeps him in the fight. that's the priority.
i think there's absolutely space to explore this in fic and art and fandom in a way that maybe does explore it as a Problem, both that it's an active problem for kevin & that it's something to explore other foxes helping him with (there's a t&n fic that i've been gnawing at the bit to read for months that seems poised to explore this premise, and that's super up my alley)! i just think we're in different territory when we're talking about the series—and its characters and dynamics—in a conversational rather than transformational way, and end up talking about this like the foxes are responsible for kevin's choices. i love kevin day. i read these back at the start of 2015 & he's so dear to me that loving him was the blueprint for how i feel abt kageyama. but it's been pretty weird to see how the conversation has been translating Loving Kevin Day into... thinking the foxes are doing wrong by him with respect to this in actual canon. like that's just not how it operates there
#kevin day#aftg#aftg is a sports anime story that's mostly about survival. it's no surprise they're all aiming to Get Through This Year‚ first and foremost#personally i don't think kevin is an alcoholic. that's a specific term that means something that i don't think means kevin.#i understand why people apply it to him with the way it's used colloquially a lot but like. that doesn't make it true#but i'm also not particularly interested in hashing that out and litigating it#i've seen people with more specific and relevant Personal experience than me try that and it fell on deaf ears#so i don't particularly care to waste my breath there. that's not the main point of this anyway#i am saying that i don't think kevin's drinking is the Capital P Problem but mostly i'm saying even if it is. that's not the foxes' issue#like in the most basic truth sense. it just isn't. you can wish they did or think friends should or whatever but like.#you have to remember who they are. they're not the trojans. they're not the gangsey. they're foxes.#they wanted to mutiny against kevin within twelve hours of him opening his mouth but they still voted to keep him. ykwim.#they're not here to hold his hand but they will keep him intact.#like. they're gonna get him to the championship game. he promises them that and they promise in turn to show up and get there.#but they're only in charge of making it there. it's entirely up to him what state he's in when he gets there.#this isn't to say that they wouldn't care; it's that the foxes have been triaging their entire fucking lives.#kevin with alcohol in his hand is a kevin who can stand up on the court and face riko instead of giving up. it's a shield.#absolutely there's an argument that it's not healthy but like. Cs get degrees. if this gets him through‚ then it gets him through.#alcohol tw#alcoholism ment //#substance abuse ment //
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bumblingbabooshka · 1 year
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[TUVOKTOBER: Day 12] Casual telepathic conversation. There are some things you can't discuss with non-Vulcans.
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No text!
The lady Tuvok's talking to is a canon, unnamed background character:
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She's ex-Maquis and appears in like two scenes where she doesn't speak.
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lenievi · 1 year
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Spones Day 2023 fic
Canon divergent universe where TMP never happened. Takes place a few years before TWOK (but if TWOK happens is in the stars). Kirk has retired from Starfleet (just so you’re not confused), because I like that tidbit from Generations.
#McCoy didn’t know they were dating #first kiss #strangely proactive Spock
~1000 words. | G
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The door to the Transporter Beam-up Center opened, and mixed groups of various species started to come out. McCoy moved to the side to not stand in their way, his eyes scanning the crowd for Spock’s familiar face. It was a few minutes before he heard, “Doctor McCoy.”
McCoy startled. “I need to buy you a cowbell.”
Spock lifted an eyebrow at him. “You’ve been saying that for years, Doctor, and I’m still waiting.” He raised his hand, fingers spread in a Vulcan salute. “We meet again.”
McCoy blinked and looked at his hand. His third finger quivered as he tried to connect it with the fourth one, hoping to form a V, but with no success. He gave up, shaking his fingers a bit, relieving the slight pain in his ring finger. One day, one day, he would succeed.
Spock held out his hand, the corner of his mouth twitching in amusement. 
McCoy glared at him. “You could’ve done it from the beginning.” He clasped Spock’s hand, soaking in the warmth he hadn’t felt for three months. “How was the trip?” He let go.
“Commanding a ship full of cadets on their training voyage is hardly a trip, Doctor.”
“You visited Vulcan before that, didn’t you?”
Spock gave a stiff nod. “Sarek sends his regards.” He beckoned toward the exit. “Shall we?”
Spock led him to a nearby restaurant.
Even after three years, it still felt odd whenever Spock invited him out. Sometimes to a science or technical museum, sometimes to a restaurant, sometimes to an arboretum. Just the two of them. If anyone had told him that ten years ago, five years ago, hell, even three years ago, he would scoff and tell them not to drink anymore. But Spock kept reaching out, and McCoy kept saying yes.
“Have you spoken to Jim recently?” McCoy asked after they ordered. He kept his eyes on the tabletop, not wanting to see Spock’s judging expression.
“Not since before my trip to Vulcan,” Spock said. “He acquired a dog.”
McCoy raised his head. “Jim has a dog?”
“His name is Butler.”
McCoy blinked.
“You would know that if you called him,” Spock said, his eyes piercing.
“Well…” McCoy wet his lips. “He could call me.”
“You informed him rather vehemently you didn’t want to see him unless he comes out of retirement.”
“You can’t tell me you think he can just live on a farm in Idaho and be happy.”
“That is not for us to judge.” Spock sipped his tea. “He appears to miss you.”
McCoy’s stomach did a funny flip. He reached for his glass of water and clasped it in both hands. His argument with Jim was ugly, and they hadn’t seen or talked to each other for two years.
“So, uhm…” he started but was saved by the waiter bringing their meals. The plates were placed, and McCoy grabbed the utensils. He should not think about Jim. Spock had always made it clear that they should resolve it themselves and did not wish to discuss it.
“It’s good to see you, Spock,” he said instead.
Spock smiled. 
They dug into their meals.
“My father offered me to work with him and accompany him to Ensis,” Spock said between bites.
McCoy frowned. “You want to leave Starfleet?”
“It would not immediately come to that, but it is an option I am considering.”
First Jim. Now Spock. McCoy had stayed in San Francisco because he wanted to stay close to them. Then Jim left. He stayed because Spock would have someone welcoming him back whenever he left on a training voyage. He stayed because… because he… 
He swallowed.
“I wanted to ask for… your opinion,” Spock said, his eyes focused somewhere behind McCoy’s shoulders. 
“My opinion?” McCoy put down his utensils. He didn’t feel hungry anymore.
“I have… always appreciated your company, Doctor.” Spock frowned. “Leonard.”
McCoy's heart skipped. He didn’t remember the last time Spock used his name.
“In the last three years, perhaps before that, the appreciation evolved, changed.” Spock looked him in the eyes. “I do not enjoy the thought of not seeing you for months.”
McCoy didn’t know what to say. His mind was flying at warp speed. The almost realization a minute ago. Every time Spock invited him to go somewhere. Every time McCoy invited Spock to his apartment, sharing meals, cooking together. The soft brushes of their shoulders, as they passed each other in McCoy’s narrow kitchen. The soft brushes of the back of their hands, as they walked down the streets or halls of the museums. Spock’s fingers on his elbow, demanding his attention. So common, so frequent that he didn’t even notice them anymore.
“Are we dating, Spock?” McCoy blurted out.
“As there hasn’t been an official agreement, we are not.”
“Do you want to?” McCoy asked before he could think about it.
The tips of Spock’s ears darkened. “That was the matter I wanted to discuss today. In order to answer my father’s offer, I first needed an answer from you.”
“Why?”
“I have already told you. I would have… missed you.”
McCoy could not hold back his smile, his cheeks growing hot.
“If you did not answer positively, creating a physical distance between us would be a logical thing to do.”
“The distance wouldn’t help,” McCoy murmured.
“Perhaps.” Spock inclined his head. “But it appears we do not have to test it.”
“But your father –”
“My father is aware.”
McCoy opened his mouth and closed it. “You…” He wet his lips. “You talked about us with Sarek?” Us. There was an us.
“My father thinks highly of you,” Spock said. “Mother too. She’d like it if you accompanied me next time I visit Vulcan.”
McCoy blinked.
“You don’t have to give me an answer today.” Spock bit his lower lip. McCoy hadn’t seen that habit in years. “But I would like to kiss you.”
McCoy nodded, lost for words. His heart beat loud in his ears. He raised his hand.
Spock leaned across the table and pressed their lips together.
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xanas-eye · 3 months
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Earth did nothing wrong.
That's it. That's the post.
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iwakuraz · 2 months
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iceeericeee · 10 months
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I wonder how many tags i can add on to this
#there must be SOME kind of a limit otherwise posts would get suuuuuuper duper long like is it just 30?#idk but i'm going to find out by simply maxxing out the character limit for each tag and finding out the limit of tags for each post lololo#this is gonna be great. i just have to remember to type without ever using the comma. it shouldn't be too hard right? fuck i almost typed#the comma i'm already bad at this smh my head. also if your still here i commend you. you have a better attention span than i do.#i'm already starting to get bored holy shit this is not happening. i gotta power through this. FOR SCIENCEEEEEEEEEE. or somethinggggggggggg#but fr idk what else to say. maybe just saying that i don't know what to say will be good enough? but does that even count?#I don't even know anymore. ffffffffuck. this is gonna be a while huh? also holy shit if you're still here omg u deserve like. a prize or#something because u definitely didn't have to stay and read all of this bull shit. lololol i typed out bs but decided to just spell the who#thing out just to make it go by faster. i'm so lazy. this is only the nineth tag HOW will i make it to 30. i am sobbing the adhd is adhding#very hard rn. are you still here? bruh this is insane. i have somehow managed to keep ur attention this long and it's just me spouting#absolute balderdash. wait do you know what balderdash even means? i don't care if you do already i'm gonna tell you anyway. balderdash is#basically just another word for nonsense. boom. you learned something new today. balderdash equals nonsense equals this damn post.#why did i decide to do this in the first place. it was a dumb idea. i don't know if i can even keep going. this is only the *counts tags*#it's the 14th tag. we've got a long way to go boys. men. soldiers. comrads. friends. besties peeps. marshmallows.#where was i going with this? oh yeah. trying to max out the limit for tags. dang i almost typed a comma there. i haven't done that since#i think the third or fourth tag. dang that feels like such a long time ago. not for you guys probably. it feels longer because i have to li#type it all out and stuff. so it's definitely gonna feel longer for me. are you still here? good lord don't you have better things to#be doing than reading all of this? we're already on tag number 18. it feels like i should be on the thirtyeth by now. or however it's spell#'toast' you might be wondering 'why are you typing out the names of the numbers instead of say '9' or '5'?' well you see. young one.#this is a strategy i'm using to make each tag slightly longer. even if i don't know how to spell it. it'll make it just a little bit longer#anyway. i got off topic. not that there was ever a topic to begin with. unless it's about making this as long as i can.#which i am apparently good at doing. i guess. are you STILL here? do you seriously have nothing to do? i guess i'm flattered you stayed thi#whole time. instead of reading something else you stayed here. with me. listening to me talk. on the twenty-third tag. oh yeah its tag 23#except now it's tag twenty-four. how crazy is that. this little talk is almost over. only 6 tags away if memory serves right. this's strang#i kind of don't want this to end. but i know it should. after all there is a limit. but all things must come to and end at some point i gue#i'm running out of things to say. it's probably a good thing it's almost over. hahahahah............... but i don't want to go. i don't wan#to leave this post. i've worked so hard on it. and for what. just for it to end. are you still here? yes? good. i'd hate to end this alone.#thank you for indulging me and my craziness. the end is only 2 tags away now. you can go ahead and leave. i'll be okay on my own. really...#...you're still here? i- i don't know what to say. i suppose a toast is in order. perhaps. for this journey. this stupid dumb post i though#would be fun. i'll make it short. it's the last tag after all. this was fun. but i will never do it again. so long as a i live. i'll miss y
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bigpeepee · 10 days
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okay so i am once again in a bit of a pickle due to the fact that i never learn from my mistakes :)
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ruvviks · 3 months
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made the realization my vampire story would work best as a video game and now i can't stop thinking about it
#personal#like. vtm meets cyberponk. do you understand#it would be very focused on prioritizing... because you do play as a fully established character#but you get a bunch of jobs to take care of and you have to decide what you do first and most importantly how you solve it#you can combine certain jobs to do at once to save yourself time and effort but everything you do comes with consequences#if you ignore a problem for too long or deal with it poorly it will come back to bite you in the ass later. you can lose friends and such#basically you have it all from the start and then gradually like. work your way towards a single ending#locking yourself out of other paths because of the choices that you make etc etc and so on#friendships can help you out but they can also get in the way of other things so you have to think about like#how far you're willing to let yourself get distracted. but also no distractions is also a bad way to go at it because you'll end up alone#it would have a wide variety of endings but i suppose the 'canon' one would be the one where everything works out#because of the whole already established character thing. and also this is not real this is my story so i can do what i want#if it was an actual video game it wouldn't have a canon ending but it's never gonna happen so i can say it has a canon ending#but yeah you can play as heavenly the vampire hunter or as sun the vampire and then you get cool vampire abilities :]#i do like the idea of romance availability but they're different depending on who you play as#valentine can be romanced by both but he's a little brat so idk if you'd want that#isaac can only be romanced by heavenly because isaac is a gay man. valeska can be romanced by sun only because#valeska and heavenly are exes. so you can have a one night stand with her as heavenly and then she ghosts you LMAO#you can go into clubs... you can play carousel with npcs. it would be a very immersive experience#if you hang out at certain clubs too much then other vampire factions will be warier of you when you visit their club instead#you can forge alliances to be allowed into certain areas in town. you can disguise yourself. you have to hide your weapons#there's actual ways you can research locations or people involved in gigs so you can prepare yourself properly and potentially like#learn new things that open up a new way to deal with a situation#sometimes you have to wait until nighttime to be able to go somewhere because it's quieter around those hours. or vice versa#sometimes you have to wait a few days before someone can meet with you but if you miss the meeting you have to reschedule#and then you have to wait even longer. and some quests don't give you that much time so then you'd have to improvise#being spotted in a location can be dealt with by wiping security footage / killing the person who saw you. or just reloading your save#but if you've been spotted and you don't take care of it then that will ALSO have consequences. etc etc and so on#difficulty level in the game would determine how generous the game is surrounding stealth / time for quests / resilience of the guy you pla#and it wouldn't like. necessarily turn enemies into bullet sponges because that's lazy. it's much more fun to change other things
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blueshykitsune-blog · 1 month
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Anyone on Tumblr got a good guide for long lasting scars?
Specifically for a variety of different type of skin tones.
Or even like explanations on scar colors?
Like dark colored scars versus light colored.
Preferably about those ghat last years if not for life?
(I'm trying to figure out the best way to make my character look a bit accurate in plushie form.)
#Maybe Randall... not gonna say.#anyways anyone got anything?#even if it's semi false I'll take it.#probably better than searching for answers#(all searches ended up being either not helpful or saying only that scars are bad and what not...)#I hate those things because I personally have scars for multiple different reasons and I love them and I don't like it when I see people#saying they will answer questions but also proceed to be hating on scars and only really trying to sell a product.#however I did find that apparently dark and medium skin tones are more likely to get dark scars than pale skin.#what even is a dark scar? I'm... not too sure? I really got mix information so yeah.#also burn marks... do they turn light after healing? or only some? are they even maybe pink? or different for different skin tones?#like seriously I dunno and the internet sucked and only gave me more questions.#I do know it tends to be most common for scars to be lighter. like two tones lighter.#however because of chemicals in the body and such#anyways I'm extremely confused and I would rather information before I start fully sewing up my plushies but if not then I may not make it#too accurate for my character. As one has scars and I'm not too sure how to portray that. (They got a medium skin tone and I have mixed info#so like... anyone got something? literally anything?#even if I already know or it's a graphic photo I don't care. I need info! and answers!#also that plushie gonna have scars one way or another but might look a bit odd because of my previous mention information.#oh and yes I also know that some scars are the same skin tones just like textured but I'm embroidering the scars on so I only got one type#of texture sadly. but with that the plushie will feel more accurate and both by looks and touch. (I think at least)#anyways yeah. plushies being made! yay. I haven't cut the one out but the other is and I basically just need to get some different colored#embroidery threat from a tote that's buried so I gotta wait. so I thought while I do that I shall try getting information if I can.
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famewolf · 10 months
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my brain has been really out of whack recently (I think it's the time change among other things) so I'm going to try out some things to see if they help
I might not be on social media a whole lot in the next week or two, but if you're mutuals and want my discord, send me a message
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sovamurka · 2 years
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Legends of Bubble: Balor and Yana. Dreamcatcher.
- Are you playing on my empathy?
- It’s not a game. Don’t forget that our time is running out. I’m not here with you out of the goodness of my heart. Your body is dying. But there is a chance. I hope there is. If you were like me... Well... In theory, you could just leave this body. And I could follow you right after.
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lloydfrontera · 1 year
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mmgghh imagine julian having a zoe murphy from deh style breakdown as he tries to reconcile the brother he remembers, the one that abused him for years and years on end, that never brought him anything but pain, that would beat him up for the slightest provocation, with the one that meets him at the academy, the one that saved a city, the one that is working relentlessly to save their family from ruin, the one that defends him from bullies and tells him it was never his fault that others harassed him
just. julian getting to express the rage and confusion and conflicted emotions that would come with the person that abused him for years changing completely out of nowhere and turning into the older brother he'd always wanted.
so don't tell me i didn't have it right don't tell me it wasn't black and white after all you put me through don't say it wasn't true that you were not the monster that i knew
#i talk a lot <3#tged#the greatest estate developer#julian frontera#if i think too hard about the fact that julian forgave his abusive older brother because of the actions of a completely different person#and we never got to see the fall out of him realizing the person he forgave never actually made amends with him#and all his feelings of rage and disgust were completely valid and he never had any reason for feeling guilty about hating his brother#because the person that he grew to care for and protected him was a completely different one. i do start going a little feral not gonna lie#i just!! don't like that julian was made to feel like he was in the wrong for feeling like he was the one that had it hardest!!#cause he did!! he fucking did!!!#this kid was abused physically and verbally since childhood by his older brother. basically ran from home the moment he was legally allowed#to and then also got harassed and humiliated by his classmates at school while all the authorities looked the other way#had it not been for suho transmigrating into lloyd's body (which is an external factor and should not be taken into account)#julian would by all means be allowed to say he had it the roughest of the family!!!#but because lloyd meddled (which is. to be fair. not a bad thing) julian was made to feel like he was being whiny#for thinking he had it rough while his older brother worked his ass off to save their family#i know no one cares about this but i do!!! i have so many feelings about julian!! he deserved better!! i needed more content about him!!#we never even got a scene with him being told that the brother he grew to love and want to make proud was not the brother that abused him#what's the point of it all 😭
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reanimatedgh0ul · 5 months
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honestly the idea of newton and lance both ending up w gfs is funny to me only bc ik the two of them would have COMPLETELY DIFFERENT reactions the moment they realize they're in love w the girl they're now dating
basically newton's reaction vs lance's reaction
#sym bionic titan#like newton's just over here like wow love is amazing i didn't even know i could feel this way abt another person this is great ^_^#meanwhile lance over here is suffering™ bc he's basically a byronic hero trapped inside the body of a 17 yr old boy#what i'm saying is the reason newton is able to love more freely and openly than lance (atleast for rn)#is bc he doesn't have a FRACTION of the emotional baggage that lance has due to his upbringing#that boy spent years building up walls guarding his heart to keep ppl out so that he could never be hurt again#he's only now started to let ppl in like ilana and newton/octus bc they're family now but even that can still be hard for him#like sm of lance's character just goes back to this idea of the mortifying ordeal of being known (god he's so mitski's stay soft coded)#how the fear of letting ppl get close to you to love you#means that the nearness has the potential leave you wounded#or that bc you have baggage it means you're broken that prevents you being able to love others#basically what i'm saying is lance is super repressed he def has self loathing#and i CAN'T imagine him getting w kristin in the same way#newton did w kimmy in the sense that they got into a relationship relevantly fast#if anything he's gonna have a slowburn w that girl#even when lance FINALLY does get together w her#i still don't see him being like how newton is w kimmy that he's good expressing his love verbally like saying ily or petnames etc#bc we've seen in canon how lance isn't the best when it comes to that#re: consoling ilana in ep 2 or telling octus how important he is to him in ep 18 but we know he cares#i think kristin knows that and like ilana/newton accepts that abt him#lance to me is better at expressing his love and care for others thru his actions rather than his words#robi hcs#robi rambles
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izzy-b-hands · 1 month
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My doctor messaging me at 12:30 in the morning to tell me she wants to do a telehealth visit abt the side effects I'm having with my new Lamotrigine dose (including worse insomnia than my usual insomnia, as u may have guessed lmao) is. something.
#text post#like i know why i am awake babe why are YOU awake this late#and god why do we have to do another visit#they aren't bad enough to make me stop this dose and i haven't been on the new dose long enough to let it even out#can i not just Not have to do another uncomfortable visit where even if things turn out okay after#i later feel like I'm still not being wholly trusted/treated like i know my body and how i feel#i had worse side effects restarting this med months ago and we didn't have any additional visits for that#they fucking forgot to even book me for a f/u and i had to call in and beg for one basically#and then they misbooked it for the wrong reason and with the wrong doctor#and made it out like it was my fault when i made clear i begged and told the receptionist i spoke to to book said appt#that it needed to b with my doc for the Lamotrigine and that i hadn't been told when to follow up so i was just. doing it#bc she said i needed to but then didn't say when to book it#they're trying hard and im trying to give them grace but then this shit happens and like#im tired. makes me want to go into my new doc like nah never mind im fine. don't ask me nothing and i won't bug you with anything#unless im dying or nearly dead already.#would suck beyond believe attempting to raw dog life mostly again but goddamn. im so sick of this lack of stability with my care#anyway. probably an appt next Tuesday which is great#that's the week of the weekend that i work again and the week before my bday#(a bday I'll be working now which I'm not normally irked abt but. i am a bit rn)#so cool. yeah. let's stack anxiety and fear over a medical appt on top of everything else for that week#and that's not counting that this weekend I've been tasked with buying and getting signed a v expensive and rare figure#for my mum's bf and I'm kind of terrified im gonna fuck it up#he paid for tickets to the con the figure will be sold at and that the person he wants to sign it will be at#so if i fuck this up he'll want (understandably) to be paid back asap for that#and that's money i don't fucking have rn#i really wish she had waited till the actual day proper to contact me bc i couldn't sleep before this#and now i definitely cant bc like#it's dumb. but what if she takes my med away. it isn't perfect but it works better than any other med I've tried#what if she wants me to try a new one. i cant do that and b dealing with major side effects during the intense work schedule#that'll be happening for me v soon and then into November
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canongf · 6 months
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LIV!! Im so proud of you and super excited for you about your acting classes! I really hope you have a blast with them, I know you’re gonna be absolutely amazing!! 🫶🫶🫶
JOCELYN!!! this is so sweet, thank you so much!!! i just keep getting more and more excited!!! i think it's gonna be a lot of fun, the coach seems really cool and i'm so ready to give it a go!!! i can't wait to update you after!!!
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