#i don't think i could've anticipated how much seeing that would mean to me

[gayforcarstairsgirls]

Not to be sincere on main but honestly just watching Nick and his friends asserting his bisexuality every time someone assumed he was gay just... Like it wasn't just "oh well I'm with a boy so I'm basically gay, nevermind it's basically the same thing" it was "this part of my identity is important no matter who I'm dating, so I am going to make that distinction known, I am going to correct you when you make that assumption, you don't get to reduce me to 'one or the other'" and it made my bisexual heart very happy :)

[ozzgin]

Yandere! Yakuza x Reader (IV)

Happy Holidays! Remember your plans to visit friends and family back in your home country? Scratch that. The Yakuza men have other ideas for you in this cozy Christmas special. And you finally get to meet their fearsome Boss, who has a request for you.

Content: female reader, fluff

[Part 3] | [Part 5] | [Yakuza Masterlist]

You stare at your phone in disbelief, rereading each line and hoping you've misunderstood the kanji. Daitou and Kazuya are quietly frowning behind you, unsure how to help in such a situation. Their lack of response only confirms it.

The brief paragraph is written in bold, red font: Due to weather conditions, all flights are cancelled until further notice. Passengers have been refunded and will need to repurchase their tickets at first convenience.

One glimpse at the last-minute prices and you're certain of it: you won't be going home for Christmas. You slouch and sigh, somewhat at peace with the idea. What else can you do? You might as well get yourself a KFC bucket and stare at the holiday lights in the city center. You and the couples taking cheesy Christmas selfies, who will later wonder about the gloomy loner behind them philosophically crunching on spicy wings.

"Don't look so defeated, (Y/N). You can just spend that time with us instead. We're not such terrible company, are we?" Kazuya jokes, trying to cheer you up.

"We could even go on a trip around New Year."

Your eyes light up in anticipation, the sadness vanishing almost instantly. 

"Can we go to one of those hot spring inns? I've always wanted to visit an onsen." You put your hands together pleadingly. 

"Whoa! Take me out to dinner first if you're that eager to see me naked." The blonde man winks at you smugly. 

"How would I see you naked? The baths are separated, aren't they?" You inquire. 

"We can't go to the regular ones." Daitou pulls his collar slightly downwards, revealing a fragment of his traditional tattoos. True. A yakuza would never be allowed among the civilians. "We'd have to book a private bath, so there wouldn't be anyone else."

You blush at the prospect of being alone with the two men. Kazuya notices your nervousness and is about to continue his teasing, but Daitou speaks before him, unbothered and oblivious:

"Besides, you've already seen me naked. I can tell you Kazuya doesn't look much different. There's nothing to be shy about."

The blonde man can only gawk, taken aback, and you shove Daitou in a flustered panic, fumbling to find an excuse or a change of subject.

He didn't have to make your business public like that, or he could've at least announced it without you being present. Judging by the blonde's speechless reaction, you're guessing he hasn't been told about your sneaky office smooching that led to the occasional sleepover. If you think about it, there's nothing shameful about being intimate with your boyfriend, but...It's not something you're fully accustomed to yet.

As promised, after the coworker incident you were soon greeted with a job offer in the neighborhood. When you went to your old office to discuss the mandatory year contract, the managers nervously handed you an approval for resignation and refused to discuss any details. You were free to go, no penalty or obligation. They had a fearful demeanor and you hoped Daitou didn't dismember anyone involved. Regardless of his means, you were now at the liberty to pursue other careers.

On the other hand, you were rather anxious about your new workplace. You had flashing visions of drug cartels and gambling parlors, with thugs rattling their drinks at you and demanding proper service. Windows breaking and masked men rolling onto the floor, armed to the brim. Ginza hostesses scurrying behind you and asking for help against an angered client. The night before your first day, you restlessly shuffled in your bed, plagued by second thoughts. What could you possibly do for the yakuza? What ghoulish demands would they prepare for you?

Daitou was the one to accompany you in the morning. He showed you to your desk, and you could discern the blurred frames of people angrily discussing matters in the opposing meeting room, separated by a large window. You gulped.

"They're building a new apartment complex two streets down." Your boyfriend mentioned casually, helping you settle with your belongings. 

"Huh?"

"Oh, sorry, I thought you were curious about their talk."

"I mean, I am, but...Is that it?" You gazed at him incredulously. 

"What else? This is a real estate office. Upstairs is the stock investments."

"Oh...Oh...I thought..." You were a little embarrassed. The imaginary scenarios of bloody battles and crimes that kept you awake felt quite ridiculous now.

Daitou seemed to have picked up on your assumptions, because he chuckled and ruffled your hair, following with an explanation. 

"Boss is very strict with our Ninkyo-Do. If you're caught with drugs or petty theft, you're excommunicated. We used to have a bunch of gambling casinos as main income, but nowadays there's too much pressure from the police, ya know? Half of our members aren't even officially registered with the Yakuza, so they can't be tracked. We mostly do stocks and real estate. That's where the cash is. 

Heh. Kinda boring, ain't it? I'm afraid you showed up way after the golden times. Even I'm too young for it. If ya want, I can ask one of the retired seniors to tell you about it. He has a lot of great stories."

You held your tongue from bringing up his frequent killing sprees and just nodded, amused by the fact that his code of conduct didn't register human casualties as wrong. The Yakuza have strict rules of ethics that set them apart from regular mafia. Depending on the Oyabun, or Head of the Family, this chivalrous way of living is reinforced to all members or conveniently swept under the rug. Daitou's Boss seemed to fit in the former category. 

Therefore your "office job" turned out to be an actual office job without the quotes. Although you were often reminded the people passing by weren't your regular salarymen. Many of them were entirely transparent with you, striking up conversations about their latest arrest, or complaining about the poor quality of their pinky finger prosthetic they'd ordered from the Philippines. 

But this isn't the time to reminisce. The prolonged silence is unbearable and one could fry eggs on your hot, burning cheeks. Kazuya is the one to break the awkwardness. 

"Oh, yeah...You coming to the Christmas thing this evening?"

"We'll be there." Daitou smiles innocently, unaware of the discomfort he just caused.

Kazuya raises his eyebrows in surprise and looks at you.

"Did you...?"

"Yup. It's all fine." The dark haired man nods reassuringly. 

"Then I'll see you at dinner, little (Y/N). Don't catch a fever with all that steam blowing out of you." He laughs at your still baffled expression and places his large hand on your head, departing.

Daitou holds the door open for you and you hurry inside. As you both walk down the hallway of the luxurious restaurant, you can't help the nagging feeling that he's once again omitted some vital information. 

"Can you tell me again who else is coming? Just Kazuya?"

"Oh no, it's a Family meeting. So Boss and the rest of the Seniors, too."

You gasp in horror, but before you can scold him, you find yourself behind the canvas screen divider, facing a table of older men in suits, holding their drinks and eyeing you suspiciously. 

"Oi, who the fuck is this, Daitou?" one of them growls. 

"I already told you before, (Y/N). My girlfriend."

"Huh? Did you seriously just bring a civvy to our meeting? I knew you got a loose screw, boy, but this tops it all."

Daitou frowns and steps in front of you, visibly annoyed. 

"If ya got a problem with my woman being here, I can settle it for you, old man. When was the last time you fought someone?"

"'s that supposed to mean?"

"It means you've gotten too comfortable sitting up there and barking orders. Let me remind you why they leave the killings to me."

The thick tension in the air is quickly dispersed by a loud, relaxed laugh. At the end of the table, a heavily scarred man with grey hair is clapping his hands in delight, seemingly amused by the events unfolding. He glances at you and pats a cushioned seat to his right. 

"There you are! Come join us, miss (Y/N). Ignore those rusty grumps, they ain't seen a woman outside a host club." He throws the instigator a brief glare. "Is that any way to talk to my guest, Oota?"

The man swallows dryly and mutters an apology. He goes back to his drink, preoccupied, and the rest follow suit. 

You hesitantly kneel down to your designated place, sheepishly peeking at the mysterious figure. Could it be? As if reading your mind, Daitou places an encouraging hand on your waist and lowers his head to your ear, swiftly whispering "that's Boss" before going to greet the others at the table. 

"I-it's a pleasure meeting you, Sir." You mumble nervously.

"No no, pleasure is all mine. I'm Eiji Ijichi, 8th Head of our Family." 

His introduction is unexpectedly warm and his easygoing way of speaking reminds you a lot of Daitou. The faintest grin threatens to appear, but you cover your mouth. With enough imagination, this could be the equivalent of meeting your in-laws. This is Daitou's family, after all. A criminally scary one, but nonetheless you've been welcomed with open arms.

"Do you drink?" The older man asks you, raising his porcelain cup.

"Naturally." You exclaim and lift your own cup enthusiastically. 

"Attagirl!"

As the night progresses, the men at the table are loosening up under the influence of expensive alcohol. Kazuya seems to be caught in a terribly involved conversation with Daitou and one of their Captains, gesturing dramatically and occasionally raising his tone. You notice your glass has once again been filled by the waitress and take another sip, satisfied with observing their fun from the sidelines. Boss has a similar approach, gazing nostalgically over the rowdy group of thugs.

He reaches for his pack of smokes and you scramble to pick up the lighter, politely bowing as you light up his cigarette. He smiles at your gesture. 

"I see Daitou's trained you already."

He ponders for a moment, gently blowing a cloud of smoke upwards. 

"You'll make a good wife."

"Excuse me?" You question, startled by his sudden remark. 

"It's hard to tell, but I'm getting pretty old myself." He snickers at his self made compliment. "Soon it'll be time to pick my successor. I have no children, unless you count that rascal I picked from the streets." He says as he tilts his chin towards Daitou. 

"I love him like my own kid, but I'm sure you noticed he's a little off. Everyone is terrified of him. You can't have a leader if everyone runs away from him, ya know? I was starting to get worried I'd work myself through retirement. Kazuya can only do so much!

Then he comes up to me grinning like an idiot. I thought, 'There it is. He finally lost it', but instead he asks me if I want to see a photo of his girlfriend. Girlfriend?! I was ready to witness some crusty body pillow, my hand was on the phone to call our Family doctor. He shows me a cute foreigner standing next to him. Now I'm pretty sure he's not smart enough to fake photos like that, so it must be the real deal. 'How the Devil did ya pull this one?' I asked him. Cause listen, I was rather handsome back in my day and I still wouldn't have been this lucky.

And would ya look at that, it's the miss that moved into our apartments! How's the living conditions, by the way? Everything going fine?"

You nod energetically.

"Good, good."

He crosses his arms and nods himself, satisfied. He turns to gaze at you intently, with a face you can't quite read.

"You gotta excuse a drunk old man for rambling so much. What I'm trying to say...well...

Take care of him when he becomes the 9th, will ya? If he has you, I'm sure he'll manage. But don't tell him I said that! You gotta keep them humble. See, that's a lesson for you too. If there's one person the Head of the Family bows to, that's his wife! But I doubt he'd let the power get to his head."

You both turn to Daitou. He just finished pouring more sake to his superior and notices your stare. He blushes slightly and waves, unsure why he's suddenly being observed. 

"I think so, too." You respond, waving back. 

How would that look on a CV? Ane-san of a Yakuza family. 

[georgeclarkesgf]

a request for maybe some george smut after he comes back from the useless hotline tour that we werent able to go on ?? so like he hasnt seen us in a while

the second george steps into his bedroom, he drops his bags and heads for the shower. he knows you're on your way over, having been waiting by your phone all day for him to let you know he's back. so when your phone dinged, you were already halfway out the door, tripping over your own feet trying to get there as soon as possible.

conveniently, you live about a ten-minute walk away, meaning you're used to seeing george every day. the two weeks he and max had been on tour were difficult, but you tried to make the best out of the situation and would call each other whenever you could.

a few minutes after he had got in the shower, you're at the flat taking the familiar path to his room. your heart pounds in anticipation as you undress quickly after closing the door, glad you'll finally be with him again.

the warm air surrounds you when you step inside the bathroom and lazily drag your eyes over his body. he's standing under the water, eyes closed and head thrown back, making you think of the more sinful times you'd seen him in this position.

"hi george." you say, a smile breaking out on his face when he sees you.

"hi darling. come here." he replies, arms outstretched toward you.

you step into the shower, letting him pull you into him as you wrap your arms around his neck. his arms tighten around you and you close your eyes, water cascading over you both. a comfortable silence sets in and several minutes pass before either of you speak.

"wish you could've come with us, you have no idea how much i missed you. i even struggled to fall asleep." george admits, his cheeks turning slightly red at the confession.

"really?" you raise your eyebrows at him to which he nods, "i missed you too. had to cuddle the teddy you got me instead. wasn't the same."

your hands untangle from his hair and cup his jaw, connecting your lips in a kiss. as the water continues to flow, the kiss grows more passionate. george's hands travel further down, one landing on your ass and squeezing it, the other pressed flat against your lower back to pull you closer to him.

"george," you don't mean for it to come out so breathless, but when his lips detach from yours to trail kisses down your neck, you can't help it, "you've literally just stepped through the door."

"mhm. but, i also currently have my sexy, loving, amazing girlfriend, who i've missed so much, naked in my shower. so, i don't understand the issue." he counters, making you giggle.

two fingers make their way between your legs and start toying with your clit before sliding into you, the sudden stretch causing your knees to buckle. you can feel his cock against your thigh, so you begin pumping him at the same pace he's fingering you, steadily building up your orgasm.

he curls his fingers, repeatedly hitting that spot inside you and your orgasm washes over you within minutes, hands scratching at his back. your eyes squeeze shut and you clench around his fingers, moans filling the room while you ride out your high.

"fuck, baby." you pant, trying to catch your breath.

a proud smirk is plastered on george's face, "you good?"

"so good. your turn."

you go to drop to your knees to return the favour, but he's quick to stop you and shake his head. when a pout appears on your lips, he kisses it away.

"as amazing as that would be, i need to be inside you, like now." he pleads and grips your hips, moving you until your back is pressed against the shower wall.

contradicting his words, he slowly drags his cock through your folds, letting the tip bump your clit a few times. but you're impatient, so you replace his hand with yours and align him with your entrance, jaw dropping as he pushes in.

"fuck, you feel so good, shit." he groans, hands on your hips keeping you steady while he fucks up into you.

he starts off slow, letting you adjust, but as your moans and whimpers grow more desperate, so do his thrusts. the only two words leaving your mouth are 'fuck' and 'george', his ego growing and determination to make you cum doubling.

a particularly harsh thrust has you crying out, holding onto him tighter. the sound of skin slapping echoes around the bathroom, more than likely being heard over the water that's still running.

"you close darling, yea? you gonna cum?" he leans down, connecting your lips once again, not giving you time to respond.

the knot in your stomach is dangerously close to snapping and he knows, one of his hands leaving your hips to rub tight circles on your clit.

"please george." you whimper, clenching around him so tight he swears his brain short circuits.

"cum for me."

a whine escapes your lips and you throw your head back, letting your second orgasm take over your body. his rhythm falters as you cum around him, raking your nails up his back until they're digging into his shoulders.

george's head drops to your shoulder, thrusting into you a few times before pulling out, spilling over your thighs with a moan. both of your chests are heaving while you try to even out your breathing and he places multiple kisses to your shoulder and neck.

"well, that was quite the welcome home." george chuckles, "might leave more often if that's what i get when i come back."

"don't you dare."

--------

a low whistle comes from behind george as he enters the kitchen. you're curled up in his bed, having had a proper shower after his 'welcome home', and he's gone to grab you some water in just a pair of joggers, not realising bright red scratch marks are all over his back.

"take it y/n is here then?" chris chuckles, eyeing george from the sofa.

"uh, yea? how'd you know?" he furrows his brows in confusion since there's no sign of your things in the kitchen or living room.

before chris can answer, arthur hill walks in, eyes widening when he notices the marks too.

"damn george, what the hell happened to you?"

"y/n." chris replies, not taking his eyes off the tv.

"ah, right." arthur nods in understanding with a smirk on his face.

deciding to ignore their comments, george walks back to his room, being met with your horrified expression when he turns around.

"george! did you actually go to the kitchen like that?" you groan and he nods, confused, "there's marks all over your back. it's so obvious we've just fucked."

well, that explains it.

a/n not proofread sorry <33 hope you enjoyed!

[the-cat-and-the-birdie]

You know what really gets me about ATSV

ATSV: How to do a face reveal right

[A SHORT essay on why I think Miguel and Hobie are Hot On Purpose.]

Jessica's face is completely uncovered. Ben's face is shown right away. Pavitr appears in his mask but immediately shows his face in his own intro. Margo is always unmasked too.

CMIIW but: Miguel and Hobie are the only new characters whose faces were hidden until WAY after their first lines.

You mean to tell me, two of the finest characters in the movie. The characters who look like THIS

Are shown first as this:

- for a reason!! The writers knew what they were doing 😭

They - knowing the two would receive the most fan attention - deliberately delayed their face reveals simply for the sake of the drama.

When we first meet Miguel - it's as Spider-man

He's playing the cool, cold, heroic leader (despite Gwen's teasing). We come close to seeing his face, but like him, we stop short.

They give us a taste of Miguel before we actually meet him, or see his face and full design.

The opening scenes of ATSV leaves us holding our breath.

The end of ITSV sets Miguel up to a big problem in ATSV, but he's abscent for the majority of the movie, working behind the scenes.

We spend the majority of the movie holding our breath, knowing that eventually Miles will have to meet him, we'll have to meet him, and it leaves the viewer even more excited - or anxious - for Miguel.

When we meet Hobie - it's as Spider-Punk

Just the same as Miguel, we're given a HUGE dose of Hobie before he even hits the screen.

Hobie is the talk of the town. Miles has an imagined problem with him - so we have a problem with him: We don't know who he is!

ATSV sets us up for Hobie. We know we'll meet him, but unlike Miguel - as so very in character for Hobie - we don't know where, or when, or how.

Even after his first appearance - he kicks it up a notch.

And although he could've remained masked for the entirety of his intro, instead - the animators choose to have fun with it.

They highlight the fact. Hobie outright taunts the viewer; He KNOWS you want to see his face. Sure, he'll demask himself - but he doesn't give you the satisfaction.

But Hobies face is an intentional mystery. He wants to keep you guessing, revealing in the anticipation.

He's already told you his name - but it's his character design that we're left dying for.

I know as soon as they got in the elevator I was like 👀 - he not gonna keep that mask on right. cause I know he fine

I find it so funny that the two characters that are thirsted after on the highest level are the only ones that reveal their faces in later scenes.

Like even when they walk into Miguels lair

Like bro what the fuck are you posing for? Dramatic effect 😐

It goes to show that writers genuinely know who will be fan-favorites.

The ATSV design and animation team made a ridiculous amount of content for Hobie - going so far as to design his house, and make detailed imagery of his world.

They knew it'd never be included in ATSV. But they didn't care.

They made it anyway cause they knew people would want more of him. They knew that either in BTSV - or a solo entry of his own - people would really like Hobie, and really want to know more about him.

The knew that people would go NUTS over Miguel's redesign - because it's such a stark difference and upgrade from his teaser seen in ITSV.

In the beginning of ATSV, the design changes aren't that apparent. But as ATSV goes on, and we see Miguel's behavior, we immediately understand why they chose to make Miguel SO MUCH LARGER than what they were planning in ITSV.

They knew that you'd hear Oscar Issac's voice and it'd be a wrap. The way he looks is just ICING on the cake. They don't need to show you Miguel right away, they're going to make you thirst the whole movie before you actually get to see him.

They knew you'd see Hobie kick through that force field and be shook over him.

Gwen and Pavitr yell out 'Hobie!' when he arrives - because that's what we're all screaming in our heads.

'Oh shit - he's HERE.'

His face reveal is just the final nail in the coffin of 'yeah, im down bad for this dude. it's a wrap.'

I just LOVE IT i LOVE IT it SO CLEVER

the writers being like 'nah make them thirsty hoes wait'. Im watching Mumbattan fall apart in front of my very eyes and I'm still like... 'So about that Hobie bloke.... what's his deal'

We are all so predictable. They're laughing at us. They made Miguel dummy thicc because they knew. They just knew.

[bau-drabbles]

hi lia! i don’t know if you write for spencer but i was wondering how he would unpack the trauma after the prison. he struggled so much with his image and i imagine it would be hard for him to see himself how he used to and how the reader could even love him 🥺❣️

i do write for him, love. thank you so much for asking, this is very rushed but it was so so sweet <3 😙

spencer was standing in front of the mirror, currently struggling to compose himself. his cheeks were sucked in as he analysed every single thing about himself. the hollowness of his face, the dark eye bags, the unruly hair, he wasn't sleeping as well these past couple nights. prison had thrown him for a whirlwind he didn't think he'd ever recover from, cat addams had scarred him more deeply than he ever could've anticipated. she had done the one thing that broke him, made him see himself for who he was.

a monster, a killer.

she had ruined him. he didn't know who he was, it felt like he woke up in the body of a stranger. and every day he was trying to find his purpose but it became lost in the hurricane of his thoughts. each one a dagger to his heart, questioning his morals and his sincerity as a person. all he could think about was how horrible he was, how much you deserved a better partner. one that could provide you with all the things he couldn't. how could you love such a horrible person?

under the weight of all these thoughts and his shame, his knees collapsed to the floor. his brows creased with a frown unable to stop his mind, his tears tracking down his cheeks rapidly. you entered the room in shock, seeing your partner a shell of the person he used to be. and it ached your heart, knowing that you couldn't help relieve this infliction.

"hey, are you oka?-" you began but he cut you off shaking his head. his face was covered, with embarrassment or anger you didn't know.

"i'm-i'm fine, just fine" he dismisses you but you don't listen, coming closer.

"i told you i'm fine!" he snaps and you look at him, seeing nothing but a broken little boy clinging to the pieces to try to make himself whole again. to try to make some sense of the chaos all around him. and it pained you that he couldn't let you in.

"i'm sorry, i didn't mean to shout i.... she's right. cat. just look me y/n...." the words have failed him and he wipes his eyes but the tears have their own mind. slowly he felt himself spiralling down the rabbit hole he forbade himself from entering. cat had done so much damage than he cared to let on, he thought he was strong enough to handle it. he should have been. hotch had been giving lingering looks all day like he knew something as wrong but he didn't say anything, morgan and jj were trying to get him to speak but he refused. he was fine, he had to be fine. he wasn't going to let cat win this round. he wasn't going to let cat have the last laugh, he was better than that. he'd rise to her challenge and beat her at her own game.

but the niggling voice of doubt constantly berated him, every move was flooded with doubt. every decision had him questioning whether it was the right one. he woke up in cold sweats constantly plagued by the horrific abuse in prison, he didn't think there was ever going to be an end to this misery.

and then there was you, his beautiful partner. you deserved more than he could've ever give you, you deserved to be with someone that wasn't as broken as he was. and he didn't want to but maybe it was easier letting you go, though even that thought was enough to make him unravel.

"you are so beautiful to me, do you know that?" your voice shakes him put of his poisonous thoughts and he looks at you agape, as if you had said the most preposterous thing on earth.

but you gingerly sit beside him, brushing a few stray curls away from his forehead. taking his bigger warm hands between your own, you look at the man who has your heart wrapped around his finger and he didn't even know

"i'm.... what?" his own words are so soft, he didn't even think you had heart. the blood roared over his ears, his heart thundering beneath his chest he feared it would rip through the skin. your heart breaks when you see how much pain he's carrying, his eyes full with his anguish. you gently wipe them away, holding his stubbled face between your warm hands. tracing his skin with the pads of your thumbs, tilting his jaw so he was eye to eye with you.

"you are perfect to me, spencer. i love you, more than you think. more than i even know. you didn't deserve anything that happened to you but baby, you don't have to go though it alone. let me in, please" with a gentle press of your lips against his forehead, he holds you close against his chest. his frame shakes with the sobs he's trying but failing to reel back.

you hold him tight, kissing his head, hoping that he could feel the outpouring love you held only for him. that no matter what, cat would never win this round. you'd help spencer overcome this battle, side by side until he was okay again. it wasn't going to be easy but it didn't matter, you loved this man more than words could ever describe.

he deserved a life full of peace and happiness and you'd do anything to make that a reality

[bikananjarrus]

i am processing my feelings about the fallen star. some very spoilery thoughts under the cut!

first things first, the obvious: stellan. beautiful, beloved stellan 😭 

full disclosure, despite doing my best to avoid spoilers, i did see a spoiler that he died in this book. so i spent most of the rising storm and all of this book knowing that (though i was hard core in denial and it didn't really sink in until halfway through this book lol). so even though i knew it was coming, it was still so hard to read. 

him sensing that elzar was in trouble and going to back him up ("he would not leave his friend to suffer as Stellan himself had suffered, alone...'i intend to be with him'") and knowing that he would go down there and probably wouldn't make it off the station, and to boot, promising elzar "we'll be right behind you"..... i'm in pain. 

but stellan making a big heroic sacrifice is along the lines of how i thought he would die; it makes sense for him. and him finally coming to understand what the force means to him, how he fits into it, not just thinking how he's "supposed" to think as part of the Order, the book was building to that and it was really wonderful to see him feel strong and confident in himself and the force again. 

also the "the last thing he'd ever do, he'd done right." i'm so distraught. and going from him spending so much of the book afraid and weighed down to "Stellan felt no fear. The firmament of the night sky shone no less brightly when one small star went dark" weeping and wailing and breaking down about it tbh. 

(i also have SO much to say about stellan elzar and avar as a constellation, and all of that, so that will be a separate post probably. like i won't be shutting up about the firebrands any time soon, i can promise that)

"My polestar, Elzar thought, and my song. They're with me now, whether they know it or not" yeah i need like 5-10 business days or months to recover from this....

when the bottom half of starlight crashed into the sea and elzar sensed the last few people on board dying along with it, but not realizing that stellan was one of those people bc he thought stellan had gotten off the station. he thought stellan was SAFE. i'm so fucking upset, i will simply NEVER RECOVER

and compare that to elzar and avar's reunion and their hug and elzar knowing that she was alive, because she had to be.... and in his heart, of course stellan made it off starlight, because he had to, right? 

but then, THEN, Forfive finding them and saying that stellan gifted him back to elzar and then PULLED OUT STELLAN'S LIGHTSABER. that broke me. that broke me SO BAD. (something something "this weapon is your life" or whatever).

elzar using the dark side (or at the very least, letting dark side emotions fuel his actions for a brief moment) when he killed chancey, did NOT anticipate that. that was....oof. also putting it out there that while i know elzar blames himself for stellan's death (bc maybe if he hadn't killed chancey, stellan could've survived, etc.) but i don't blame elzar for stellan's death. something else could've gone wrong down there, even if chancey had lived! like was it wrong for elzar to pull his lightsaber first, ask questions later - yes. but he saw what he perceived as a threat (and the nihil have been a long-standing threat, that haven't proved themselves to be anything but) and took action. he had no idea what kind of consequences those actions would bring - he didn't know. it's not elzar's fault, and stellan knew (and likely sensed that his end was coming) what kind of danger he was putting himself in by going down there, and decided to go be by elzar's side anyway. 

one thing i also loved about the relationship between the firebrands this book (which also makes stellan's death more sad) is the unresolved tension. (now, some of what elzar and stellan were feeling could've been side effects from the creatures on the station, but it's not entirely bc of that i don't think). elzar, though he won't say it, is upset that stellan didn't go with him to ledalau to help him after using the dark side on valo. he trusts and relies on stellan and wants stellan's support, so of course it would be upsetting that his friend wasn't there with him in that time of need. and stellan and avar being at odds with each other over the marshal position at starlight. stellan feeling prideful about taking the position away from avar, and avar being mad at losing her position. her thinking about how after only a month under stellan's control, starlight beacon was lost. the two of them being blinded by their own jealousies and pride. stellan recognizing (when it's essentially too late already) that the weight of their responsibilities, the tension and exhaustion from dealing with the nihil for so long, pitted them against each other. and they'll never get to apologize to each other for that, never get to make up for that time spent being angry with one another.

now onto my non-stellan and firebrands thoughts:

i would very kindly like to ask the authors to participate in the Leave Bell Zettifar Alone 2k24 Challenge. he's been through SO MUCH already, STOP hurting his feelings!!!!! i mean, it sounds like indeera will pull through, thank goodness. and there was a lot of emphasis on burryaga's body not being found and bell going to look for him, so i have a feeling burry might still be alive. but bell.....beautiful bell, please leave him alone. 

i am so happy with his development in this book though! i love a story about grief, so seeing bell still grieving loden (even though jedi are supposed to try and move past their grief) and working through that means a lot to me. when he saw burry grieving for nib, and was able to see his grief reflected outside himself in his friend, he was then able to take the next steps towards processing his own grief. and he was able to help burry, and also start believing in himself again, and that was just so special. i can't wait to see what bell does next (next to the firebrands he is absolutely my fave character)

claudia gray did an excellent job with the atmosphere of fear in this book. i was genuinely anxious half this book, worrying about what would happen next. and like, i knew stellan was going to die. but then for regald, nib, AND orla to die as well???? (possibly burry, but i think he might still be alive). i think part of what worked so well is that we didn't see the fear-creatures AT ALL. we only saw how the jedi reacted to them, and leaving it up to the readers' imagination, and only knowing that the jedi are afraid and that the force feels wrong, it was so so effective. 

also shout-out to star wars authors for making me care about random side characters in the span of like a paragraph, and then killing them. that scene with the temple on chespea that got completely destroyed by the nihil, and the jedi master told her padawan to call coruscant, "and tell them we're under attack?" "Tell them we are gone." like WTF???????? made me tear up ngl. even just the description of the top half of starlight crashing and burning was so intense, and those kind of hopeless moments, all the authors have done a really incredible job with so far. you can feel the devastation. 

overall, even though this book hurt me deeply, i really loved it! i have so many more thoughts on the firebrands that will come later. (tbh, i haven't even processed my feelings about the elzar and avar content we got, bc i can ONLY think about stellan and his and elzar's relationship rn. but trust that i will have plenty to say about elzar and avar later on too).  

(p.s. i'm always open for asks/messages if anyone wants to talk about these books <3)

[dlartistanon]

I have to be honest, after everything I heard I went into Lone Trail anticipating Muelsyse character assassination-- nay, *annihilation*, for the sake of Doctor-sexual fanservice and I was ready to be disappointed. But having finished reading Lone Trail myself now... What? Her homescreen lines are utter horseshit, I completely agree, but her actual character writing in Lone Trail fits that really good analysis post by meeblo so accurately that I can't believe meeblo didn't read LT before writing

"The more I think about Lone Trail the less I like how they executed the story."

So, let me preface this with with preemptive TL;DR: If you are a fan of Silence as a character, you probably really enjoy Lone Trail.

If you are a fan of any other character, especially Muelsyse, and ESPECIALLY if you don't like or don't care for self-insert pandering, you're likely disappointed and/or frustrated with Lone Trail. I am the latter.

Let me just copypaste what my friend has to say (plus my own replies and commentary) since they can articulate the feeling better than I can:

I'm sorry. I just can't imagine a world where Saria, who means so much to Muelsyse, is nearly assassinated and in awful shape, and *she knows that* and is like "wassup doctor, heard Saria's in trouble but lets hang out"

Me: Exactly. This does not make sense with what we know of their relationship. Especially since she's later worried sick/almost breaks down at the thought of losing Saria for real

I'm just going through the story and so much of it doesn't make sense to me. And it's (I'm not done but getting there) just *so depressing* how much of the event is eaten up with kind of pointless/uninteresting doctor babysitting? She should be front & center in all of this. There's so much to work with and play with but so much of it does not make *any sense*. Muelsyse did not need to be hobbled by this. Hell, so far as I've read, Doctor didn't need to be there or could have done it on their own. Fucking frustrating.

Me: I'm not that familiar with Guide Ahead, but I can't help but imagine how much better/more concise Lone Trail could've been had they handled Samuelsten in a similar way to GA's central trio. Don't shove Muelsyse to the side, make her an active agent in the story, with the people who matter to her

I mean I’ve made it to CW-7 and as someone who’s in the middle of all of this (often by design) I’m puzzled that she’s one of the least interesting parts of the event? Kristen, HoHo, Nasti, Jara are great. We know why it matters to her but she’s on the fringes the entire time. This should have been done like guide ahead but guide ahead was much better and leaner by virtue of not needing to dedicate half the fucking event to talk about how great and interesting the doctor is. There’s no reason doctor couldn’t have been with Kal’tsit the entire time. That would actually make sense. But nope.

"It's Saria you want to see, It's Kristen who you're looking for" but why don't we just stick you with Doctor the entire fucking event and you can act like you're just on a little adventure. Cannot believe I have to rely on the furniture to give what the event should have.

This might be a controversial take, but I wish all this giant lore dump with Doctor, Priestess and Kal'tsit had been relegated to another vignette or main chapter with just mentions of Kirsten/Kristen and Rhine Lab. It's taking up much too much of Rhine Lab's event. Instead of *way too many flashbacks* with Doctor/Kal'tsit/ whoever, we could have had this building up Saria/ Kirsten/Muelsyse with their past instead of the one 3 second glimpse we got. I am so mad at this stupid fucking decision. Rhine Lab Event: featuring Rhine Lab as glorified cameos

Reply: Yeah its so annoying. It takes up sooo much god damn space and for what? And for what ? It doesn’t belong. I swear to god i wish we focused on, idk, the main relationship between saria and kirsten (and mumu but my faith is lost) instead of kirsten only showing up at the very end

Yeah, I'm sure glad FERDINAND got the most screen time out of all Rhine Lab. Just *what*. But the lore dump, while *fine* is just fucking egregious and does not belong here. This could have been referenced elsewhere and they could have fleshed out everyone else.

I have finished Lone Trail! Cumulatively, I love about two chapters worth of it! I definitely had high expectations but even if I'd had mediocre expectations I would have been let down. Not enough of the Rhine Lab founders, needless lore dump that could have gone elsewhere. It felt fragmented and like a hodge podge of things. Saria, Muelsyse and Kirsten felt like cameos in the entire event. And I'm sure the intention of this was to elevate just how goddamn special the doctor is, but the way it was written, it felt like no one at Rhine Lab gives a single solitary fuck about Muelsyse in any real capacity. These are the people she's had and adores. Yes, her loneliness was a sort of focus of the event, but the way it plays out does make it feel like "yeah, you're right to be lonely. Thank god for doctor!"

So much of my irritation is not only was she reduced to a love interest for Doctor, treated poorly by everyone at RL, she had zero agency in the whole event. She really was just floating passively for the most part. Muelsyse in Lone Trail: 1. Looks for Kirsten/ doesn't find Kirsten/ abandoned & not said goodbye to by Kirsten. 2. Looks for Saria (eventually) stopped by Saria. Saves Saria, doesn't talk to her again/ is not acknowledged by Saria. 3. Nasti tells her she's a crybaby & to get lost I mean, it really is no wonder she wanted to off herself. She built Rhine Lab with them from the beginning and this is how the event chooses for all these people to treat her? It's unbelievable.

Me: All that to make Doctor look better in comparison, right? It's jarring bc it's such a far cry from the brief concern Saria showed towards her in DV and doesn't even follow up with her claim to want to save Muelsyse in LT. Where's the consistency? She remembers that Mumu is fragile, but we don't even get a scene or mention of checking up on her after crashing back down to earth?

At least in Kristen's case, she remembered Muelsyse exists afterwards with the plantlife onboard, but it's not even presented as wrong or a character flaw how Saria ignores Muelsyse in the end, even though she literally saved her life. Just... nothing. This is the defender who protects others? The one that she fell for?

Yeah “when you’re emotional you forget that you’re fragile” & okay this is a devastating day for her so fuck her very much! No need to check on how she’s doing losing a long time friend and colleague, how she was in a thing that literally crashed but she saved *her*. And this isn’t even about Samuels in particular! This is how she was treated by the people with an established history that matter to her. Obviously the game is pandering, but given how literally everyone in the game, from the actions she can see, treats her like she is disposable trash. It’s no fucking wonder she’d be like “oh wow doctor!” Because at least they treat her like a human being who has feelings and who hurts? The fact that Saria doesn’t even reach out, that she has treated her like a stranger for the most part doesn’t track. Why did they make Muelsyse the “hero/ star” of the event banner? She’s forgotten and mistreated by everyone, gets almost zero game content, her file and voice lines are a mess and she doesn’t influence the story in any way at all. This event as a Rhine Lab story was trash.

Me: It felt so much more like a "Silence" story with Rhine Lab as window dressing. They clearly didn't have any editors around because how can you SAY that these people matter to Muelsyse but then not PROVE it? The lack of care, the disrespect towards her and other characters in relation to her is just astonishing

I like Silence a lot but wtf was she leading this? The whole thing is the conflict with Sarsten w/ Muelsyse in the middle. She got a new outfit, talked to Parvis, rehashed a conversation w Saria for the 10th time? This should have been all Muelsyse / Saria/ Kirsten but they barely existed in the event. And who the fuck polled whoever else to decide that Ferdinand and the creep Josh should get the rest of the time!Why so much build up with Jara / her closeness to Kirsten to not have any interaction with them? WTF were they doing.

I could probably write an essay about all the things I felt didn't work as a Rhine Lab event. This might have worked better as a vignette just to keep it tidy. But I think the other thing for me is that… hrm this event almost assumes that all you've seen of Silence is the manhua and thus wow! Growth! She loses the glasses and gets a new style to show that off. But the Silence of this event is the Silence we've had in the game since day one. The one in Mansfield and in Dorothy's Vision who is kind of certain about what is wrong and what is right and will stand up for that. So to me there wasn't any growth there. Because we'd already seen that growth/ that was the person we've known since the start of the game. A lot of this event kind of relies on… either not having read the manhua or exclusively having read the manhua. Because if not for the manhua you don't know/ understand why there's that Kirsten/Saria divide and how much it means. It's all very weird.

And kind of to add to my little rant… DV and the manhua allude to Muelsyse being extremely close to Kirsten and being her sidekick. But in neither the manhua or any of the events do we see any of that. Instead we get Nasti (who I like a lot) in that role and--- I just don't get it. You'll be less disappointed if you don't read the manhua. lol A ton of Muelsyse's character development and her relationship with Saria is highlighted there and this event just kind of decides to burn all of that to the ground. But if you want to see why the final chapter matters/ is special/ yes, read it.

Me: Nasti's in the role bc we had to have our self-insert fix with the hot new playable op :/

yeah. with the same motivations. but all of that should have rightfully been hers I really do think they just gave Muelsyse's role to Nasti And the cherry on top of all of it was at the end when Muelsyse is like "Huh did the three of us actually dance together or did I make all of that up?" I just can't with that final slap in the face to Muelsyse and all of them. Like her talk about loneliness is fine and well done and the little history but so much left a lot of questions.

Me: yeah… it's just. wow. there were nuggets and seeds planted that had potential, but they didn't bother to actually cultivate and develop those relationships and dynamics at which point why even include them at all

Yeah, I’ll include that in my rant, but my last point on that end is Saria’s “I would do it over again” doesn’t make sense if you haven’t read the manhua— and just doesn’t jive with what is presented in the events with her that is much more clinical. And I’ve said this about multiple things— but a story should be able to stand on its own without having needed to read a manhua for additional context— and especially when having read the manhua you’re left with ??????

[murkystarlight]

Dreamzzz season2 spoilers pt. 4

(And my personal comments)

Episode 8

Now. I wanted to end it all here. But I thought I'd separate the final episode from the others and so that we would have 5 parts :) (I just like the numbers like that. Okay?)

The name of the episode has so much meaning- oh god...

The deer- 😭 how did it even end up there?? And Zoey saving it- the tightrope (how did it even end up in the cyber realm??)

"Stop! Stop! Shoo!"

You're supposed to be saving it- but I guess you have to be alive to do so (also, the sounds it makes when it nibbles on the rope- lol)

"It's easy to get scared when you're all alone" (awh-)

[Bird sounds]

"There you are! You know, I could've used your help with this"

Zian is just trying to give you a cool moment on screen. Be nice

Zian is ADORABLE-

"Jeez. Always thinking with your stomach"

That's why Zian is so adorable

Mrs. Castillo is such a nice woman. Wise and kind and... and... smart?

"Izzie, if I tell you a secret, promise not to freak out?"

"[Sqealing] Tell me what it is!"

She is already freaking out-...

"The anticipation is already killing me"

I lover her eyes. When they go all big and sparkly. So pretty. And cute

Zoey taking about her problems to Izzie is so- aughhhh sshe trusts her well enough And- and stuff! She's sharing stuff like this to her because she now is able to open up to them

"What happened? Did he apologize? Did he explain where he's been? Did he reveal a dark secret that he's been leading a double life this whole time and he couldn't tell you in order to keep you safe?"

Izzie our trustworthy ally of an anime watcher. She saw enough shows to know this. And she is... very right about it. I didn't notice this before... wow. She- she guessed his entire life

"I'm curious what lava feels like, but I'm not gonna go stick my hand in it"

Why not Zoey? Why not?

Izzie looks so happy for her-..

And Zoey's frown-

"What class is this for?

"It's not for class. It gives me an edge when I face Astrid in the trials. Without being able to Dream Craft, I don't stand a chance against her"

"But! I got to thinking about how you're dealing with your missing memories, so I figured I'd try something totally different too. Totally unexpected."

"Like-... studying?"

"Exactly! [Doing a small jump] She'll never see it coming!"

Logan studying! So he can look good in front of Astrid(or to beat her. Or-... feel better about himself?)!

"He knows you actually have to read those, right?"

[Nodding]

"Logan, nobody wants to beat Royce's protégé more than I do,but I'll be honest, in this next round, you're going to be facing the most diabolical, most menacing, most insidious things you've ever seen"

"An alarm clock" with- a very serious voice

oh... wow. Okay

"Oh~! Squeal! It's so cute!" (Did she really say "sqeal"? Mood) "Look at those big, dreamy eyes!"

The clock is cute? No, you're cute! (...am I flirting with a lego? Y'know what forget it)

And Mateo and Cooper in the background- just staring at her blankly lol (the background is really interesting to look at in this season) and when they get told to stop Logan while he tried to catch the clock, Izzie's pose- it's so cute😍 and again, Mateo and Cooper just like- blank

The alarm clock went to 19 to 12 seconds a bit too fast...? I think

"Wah, wait. Why are you guys backing up? Is it my breath? Oh, nuts!"

The alarm wasn't a loud one. I guess it's just dream magic?

"If you and Mr. Oz are sort of the same, why do you stay here in the Dream World when he wakes up?" I was thinking the same thing! So many questions about Albert! Unsolved!!

We. Need. Answers!

"Isn't there a part of you that's always dreaming?" (But this doesn't satisfy all the questions I have)

So.... they're just training with all these random people being there with them?

Well unicorns! And Mateo's actually doing something! And Cooper- ...I thought you moved on from the vehicles (his face literally reads "yeah. I thought I did too. Why did I do that?")

Astrid has great neck movement(?). You think she can do the arm thing? Like the noodle arms or.. whatever you call it

"One may be able to conquer without being able to do it"

He read the books!! Hallelujah!

Zoey was here the whole time? I was honestly kinda surprised when I was the episode for the first time. What do you mean she was just standing there this whole time?

"This better not be BFF talk" what's bff talk? That thing exists?

Also, what does Izzie mean by "I won't ask about you dad again" again?? You mean- she just constantly kept asking about him? Trying to help Zoey? Ooh so nice

"We get to throw things at Logan"

"Oh man, there goes Cooper! This things gnarly"

The throwing-... and Cooper again. Why is he always the punching bag in the back? Poor guy... (also, if you wake up in a dream as an aware dreamer unexpectedly, or was forced, what's wrong with that? Can't you just... fall asleep again? Or... does some weird magic in the dream world stop you from doing that?)

Izzie, I thought you said you won't ask about her dad-

And do these kids really not know that they divorced or something? Or.. maybe something else happened? Idk

And-- Cooper's back? What- how does this work? Did he never wake up? Was it just a close call? If you can just fall back asleep, what about Mr. Oz??!

And Logan was literally under a couch. A darn couch

Logan being determined- and Astrid turning the alarm back on- she likes them. Shes not exactly a bully. More like a.... "it's TRUE I'm better than you. You have to be better than this" .....okay. that still sounds bad-

Zoey's aunt is- so kind

"Bro-ther.... you know those are poisonous for cats. Right?" And it's already going horribly

The pictures-

Is that red vines?

"Watching Astrid train seemed like a good idea, but man. I'm getting concerned"

"Yeah, I just feel worse now"

We've got these fella's

"Ohhhh~ pretty"

And her.

"Take it down!" *his eyes- look at his eyes in this scene

"What's your problem~ why you gotta ruin our target practice"

"Because that's my daughter!"

Woah- omg~ no wayyyy *shocked*

"What?!"

"I mean, I... I don't see a resemblance" -well of course not, you think he actually looks like a shadow??

"I had no choice. If the Nightmare king knew he would've use it against me!" Still has the same morals.... *sigh*

"Why do you think I kept letting her go?"

"To be honest, I just thought you were a lousy henchman" -I love you Susan, you beautiful nightmare thing

He admits it

"There~ he goes again"

"Ughhhh"

Look at Zoey smiling! She was happy her dad was there in the dream

And the fact that he remembered that she likes licorice as a kid- it's so cute and sweet

Afraid of getting hurt-

Beau probably already has a lot of experience flying. But he was acting(?) like he was so excited and this was his first time-... and Zoey hugging him- awwww father-daughter moment

"Hey, dad. I got some like.. a contest.. or test.. or something come watch it!"

Definitely sounds legit(the only trap. It is legit)

Beau being like- oh... um.... castle what? Uh-... mr Oz? Uh... um....

Eating hotdogs- I swear to god Cooper, food doesn't have to become your whole new personality!

Snot-bug heh cute

Logan being the only one running- like Oh....kay

The flying pizza-

I like how Mateo fell and hit the clock, rolling down the stairs... just like how you wake up. Not me. I don't have an alarm

Izzie and Zian is friends for a reason

Yay! Go Takashi~ also, the way they said his name?

Also, the dreamling costume is like- adorable! But how did he pull that off? You mean no one thought it would be weird that a dreamling is that big?

But Beau trying to be there and support Zoey is nice. Like he does care

But Mr. Oz, really? You don't have to eat off of the floor! (And I just realized. In the 18 years ago episode, Albert said something like "keeping the kids dreaming" or.. whatnot. So... Beau and Hannaha are pretty young back then. At least younger than mr. Oz. So.... does that mean beau talking to mr. Oz this whole time was... on purpose? "I'm going to be rude to him now! Hehe" and... how did mr Oz know that the night hunter was one of his past teammates? And how did he not connect the dots of Beau being the night hunter? And-)

I love how Zoey gets her confidence after seeing her dad. Because she still thinks that he couldn't come. Which in her case would make her feel even better that he did come. That he's really trying to make a difference. Because Zoey still thinks that her dad has to do other stuff that night. But despite that he came to see her! That's what Zoey has on her mind. That's how Zoey is seeing this. Which makes it even more of a... important thing to her

Which is... pretty cute

So they know it's just a costume?

Astrid and Logan bonding- ahhhhh

You can only use dream crafting (but- but-)

"Why, you stuck up little- so and so!" I'm telling you. The only reason mr. Oz doesn't swear, is because he's around kids all the time

"I don't need the win. I already got everything I wanted today"

So- ah! My hearttt the blurry picture-

Beau nearly cleaning up the cardboard cut out

And the never witch! She was gone for a while! Good to see you again you very cool designed evil witch villain that will probably cause a lot of pain to the characters. Welcome!

Also- does the night hunter voice and the Beau voice just.... switch on and off? Is Beau just capable of doing that?

The never witches staff is beautiful

Beau really want the secret identity thing a secret

"What I want. Is the one thing called... Mateo"

Ewww pedo what's wrong with you?? (I'm sorry that was the only reaction I could think of- but it is similar to my first reaction... I think)

Don't worry people who haven't watched this thing yet! She is not pedo!(or... hopefully she isn't) she's just a normal witch that want the boy for dinner! She's going to be making soup or potion out of him

Episode 9

Susan and Snivel fighting again

They're literally siblings

"I've missed this" yeah. Me too

And Nova! You're back! (Maybe she was in the hospital for lack of sleep again)

And Sneak too! Your family misses you Sneak. Please go back to them! Or... bring your two families together?

"What's taking so long!" 😡 he angy. He pissed

So I guess he's only out in the waking world now since he... *cough* isn't much help in the dream world at the moment-

"A few corrupted gummy bears are no match for my daughter" he says it with so much pride.... is this... okay? He caused them. And he... uh... okay??

Sudan and Snivel getting the front row seats to watch the show- with popcorn (really, how is this the candy realm? Just call it 'random food people like realm' ...no. that's a horrible name. Don't use that)

They could get sawed?? By the lollipop trees? Limbs go *poof*??

Oh- nope. Never mind. Sorry guys. The witch is pedo. (Mateo is going on a date👍"you got a date with the never witch")

The nightmare horse/alicorn thing!!

Mateo grunting- 😂

Mateo worrying about z-blob more than himself who is tied up and alone with a witch. Also what spell is the never witch even using?

*dramatic entrance*

"Late to the party my dudes"

Awww.... too bad. I mean.. I guess it's good?

"You handled things just fine without us!"

"Don't sound so surprised"

Why does everyone keep saying stuff like "you said teamwork. But this doesn't look like teamwork to me" as if we're going to have a similar situation from the last season, in this seasons finale too(and the way everyone automatically thinks Mateo left to see Z-blob. Just imagine how many times he did that for them to think this way)

"Mateo left again? Ugh, for the love of-!"

"Maybe- seeing Z-blob will help him feel ready for the next trial"

He's a good friend. A good friend

"Wouldn't it be dope if all of you made the final three?"

He's gotten jolly. Look at him, so friggin adorable-

"I have an... um... errand to run"

"Wha- where is she-?! Does everyone just do what they want around here?"

"Yep, it's part of our charm"

She's so chill

Zian knows-

"Arrogance, selfishness, anger. I will harness your worst tendencies to fuel my spell"

And folks. Here we have it.

Arrogance, selfishness and anger

Mateo's little flaws

I really like the coloring in this show

Did he really break that wood thing prison that he couldn't break with slime? I guess it's pretty hard-

Falling-

Oh, and falling again

Look! Zian's kind!

"What is this place?"

Creepy vine thing. But actually nothing big-

Here it is! The one... no. Not exactly one. The second! And... first clone? Madeo! He... really... ugh.. I don't know

Do the clones look like that only to us watching through the screen or do they actually look like that but the others don't care/think he changed his look by dream crafting?

"I'm the new top dog around here" he sounds like... Mateo. But with a lot of autotune(I don't know with the colors)

But did he really snarl? Like- dude... why??

"Greetings witch! Loved that soup. Spicy!" He ate the- his own- um... flesh and memory stew?

This part is great. I love it. It's so funny

Ticklish Mateo laughing. I wonder if he's ticklish or if the vine just has good skills

"Wait, how did you know I was here? And who's the weird dude?"

The night hunter making dad jokes

"I got nabbed by the night hunter-"

"What?! I will end him"

The night hunter: 😔

Also the night hunter:

"Whatever I can do to help, I will"

Then secretly when no one's watching 😒

Oh- so this is where the giant raven set comes from! That set looks amazing btw

Takahashi making flowers- why is he so cute? Why does he keep popping up? Why is he still here? Is he playing a part?

*super cool landing. Sling the giant pencil on shoulder. Grin. And make it evil*

"Um, are they like friends now?"

Yes. Yes they are. And they seem to be bonding very well. Good for them!

And my favorite(? I think so. Its definitely the funniest) part

"Dude, was your brother always so dreamy?" (Its always this line. Always. Ugh...... I like it though)

"Mateo?!"

"Dreamy?"

Cooper's just surprised. Like. Dude. What?!

And Logan's more like... 'she called him dreamy?' It seems like he's in love. But I'm no expert. It seems like a potential love line the creators are trying to make.... (and if it is... how does it work? Astrid is from Berlin. Right?)

[Intense music playing] lol

[All swooning] okay. What?

The hairflip- ahhhggahg

He's good at football now. Wow.... that is real improvement the never witch made on him 😌

The flowers again-

"Smooth!" No! Cooper! Not the time to be a supportive friend! Is he jealous? Or supportive? Or what?

"Ew, that's my brother. Gross!"

See? What did I say about those sibling bonds? It's great. (And what do you mean gross? Just grossing out that "Mateo" acting is like that. Or the fact that Cooper said "smooth")

"Dude, who are you?"

Izzie really-

"Your brother, sister"

Yeah- no. I'm pretty sure no one calls they're siblings "brother" and "sister" without a reason

"No, and I'm loving this new you!"

Wait- what? Iz? I thought you- wait. So... she was calling out Cooper for saying Mateo was being "smooth" with the flirting? And stuff??

"How'd you get over your Z-blob flunk?"

Yup. And we got Cooper. Either being the logical one as always, or just... continuing to be a supportive friend

"Oh~ this and that. No biggie"

Yeah- okay. Gotta agree tho. These clones are fun. Look at that personality! Whoo!

"Well whatever you did, it's good to have you back buddy"

Alright. Supportive friend it is. And- no. No he is... the opposite of back. He's not even the same guy-

(Also, can we wave a little flag for the dude? I feel like he having the identity crisis right now🏳️‍🌈)

Malicious smile.... ehhehe

Meanwhile. The real Mateo:

"So... Beau. Mind if I call you Beau?" (Another cliche one)

Beau: 😑🤨 (long speech)

"He would never hurt me"

He... already has....;;

Izzie was sad when her balloons were taken then her face brightens up once she sees that he gave it to Astrid. I think Izzie just doesn't mind what the hell happens to Mateo's relationship as long as he has one-

Also, new word learned!

Enchanté

No idea what that is

"Dude, Mateo's pencil spear's back to normal!"

Cooper. Again. Not the time to be a supportive friend! Logan is clearly pissed rn

"Wouldn't it be great if he wins the last trial?"

Coop- oh god. He is so stupidly in love- .....I think? It's a possibility

"Wasteful, but impressive"

Well. At least she saying the truth

He can play the electric guitar?? The rock music? Omggggg that's... just a complete new feature. How did no one know he's not real? Even if he looks the same to them. By now they should've noticed?

The dream crafted speaker has a cute sticker attached to it too.

"Loud! But I love it"

Oh no.... Astrid is into bad boys- no wonder she gets along with Logan-

Izzie~ love your confidence

Only three? Really? And fight for the leader? Why??!

"I still don't get why, we can't just take on the Never Witch together"

Me too Cooper. Me too.... at least you guys are smart enough to notice

"Royce is obsessed with this "return to the good ol' days" nonsense"

And Cooper nodding- ahh so friggin cute

"Always has been-"

An attack is a good thing? Apperantly.... wow....

"Oh. That's not a hill..."

Wait- Beau just used a dart?! Ooohhhh why has no one drawn this yet??

Again with the background characters that look the same (the blonde one will be.... Alicia)

"Get out of my way! Runt!"

"Wow. Mateo had become a real-"

I'm telling you. These are not coincidences. They have sweated but it's a kids show so they sensored it

"Hi, Astrid..."

So stupidly in love no.2

Izzie has the hammer thing! And it looks amazing-

Seriously, the way they say Takashi...

Oooh~ the nightmare king again~ and he really is a little-....icon now

"You were right to be suspicious of me"

"Ooh~ this is good"

It is Voldemort's little brother. Or sister. It really is getting good

I love that pose when Beau changes into his costume again- that pose- it... its hilarious-

"So you'll lock us up instead?"

"At least you'll be safe" him and his morals again-

And then Zoey throws the clock. At this moment I knew. This was going to come back as a bad thing. She's going to need that clock. That's what the season kept hinting at us too-

And look at how Mateo is comfort(?)ing her-

"Re~presenting Brooklyn, baby!" "Ha ha ha!"

It's not just me- he did get more hyped up (and did he just pick him up on his shoulders? He can do that?? Does logic work differently here or can he actually do that? I mean- he did it with such confidence and comfort like he's done that hundreds of times)

"Logan, my brother is acting super weird!"

"Yeah, he's just found his groove"

"No Logan! You don't get it. He sabotaged me to make the task force!"

😨omg no way-(but seriously. No way)

"Finally! I'm aching for some malice!"

Also, just noticed. While watching this now

His hair streak (Madeo) is yellow and red. And here, the red is definitely red. Like.. a more brighter and more standing out red

Philllllll nooooo!!!

What. A way. To end this. 👏👏👏

Previous part

[jibbi]

After: Tessa is just as toxic as Hardin

I'm totally late on getting into the After series, but I recently watched all the movies and am now reading the third book (don't come for me. I know I should've read all the books first lol). I am very passionate about this series, including all the extremely messed up parts of it. I could talk about it for days lol

I think something that isn't talked about is Tessa being just as toxic as Hardin when she absolutely is.

As a disclaimer, yes, Hardin is absolutely awful for how often he changes his mind, yells, breaks things, and punches people in his own family when he feels hurt by what they did. Completely unforgivable behavior, and so incredibly unhealthy. But, at least we have a full understanding of why Hardin's mental and emotional health is as terrible as it is - he has an immense amount of family and personal issues, and he keeps finding out more terrible things as the series continues. To clarify, it does NOT by any means excuse his behavior, I am not saying it does - he is still 100% accountable for his own behavior and not taking care of it - but his background gives understanding as to why he tends to act so terribly.

As for Tessa, although we're given a backstory about her controlling mother and alcoholic/druggie father which gives reason to her behavior, she's somehow liked so much more than Hardin and gets away with a lot. Sure, she doesn't get violent and break things when she's upset, but her emotional behavior and communication skills are absolutely horrendous, plus she sometimes DOES get drunk like Hardin as a coping mechanism. She also often tells Hardin that she doesn't trust him, when Hardin shouldn't be trusting her either. Why? Well let's get into it.

Tessa cheats

Tessa started off her relationship with Hardin by cheating on her boyfriend from home and lying to him about seeing Hardin. She DID realize she was mainly staying with Noah because she feels she owes it to him. She also wanted a serious relationship which Noah was providing while Hardin was still screwing around, and she was the ultimate people pleaser towards her mom who got along with Noah.

Not only did she cheat on Noah, but she was being flirtatious with other guys and allowing other guys to be flirty towards her while she was still with Hardin. God forbid they got into a fight and she anticipated a breakup in the near future, Tessa would be so quick to jump to another guy. There was Trevor, Zed, and Robert the waiter who she got flirty with real quick once there were issues between her and Hardin. She even forced a kiss upon a random guy at the New Year's Eve party in After We Collided, just because she jumped to the conclusion that Hardin was cheating on her (when he wasn't)!

Tessa is so quick to assume Hardin is cheating on her on so many occasions, yet she herself has cheated multiple times. It's so ridiculously hypocritical.

Tessa hides things from Hardin

Despite Tessa calling Hardin out for hiding things from her and snooping through his things to find evidence, she does the same thing. I'll give a couple of examples.

Tessa hid the fact that she was keeping in contact with Zed despite Hardin making it very clear to her that he doesn't feel comfortable having her talk to Zed. Yes, Tessa can be friends with whoever she wants since Hardin doesn't control her life, however, the difference is that Zed has feelings for her and Tessa flirted with him at one point. I feel it's pretty normal to not want your partner to spend time with someone who likes you as more than a friend. Hardin of course could've been much less controlling when it came to this, but I can't blame him for being upset over it, especially since Tessa would most likely react the same way (just less violently) if Hardin was hanging out with a girl who had feelings for him.

Tessa also hid the fact that she was moving all the way to Seattle, and he figured out by accident that she made this decision. That is a HUGE thing to keep from your significant other. Deciding to move to an entirely different city two hours away when you're in a committed relationship while NOT telling your significant other is crazy. I get they weren't together for a short span of time, which is when Tessa made the decision to move to Seattle. But, once she got back with Hardin, telling him would've been the right thing to do.

Tessa doesn't compromise

Speaking of her deciding to move to Seattle, Tessa automatically assumes Hardin will oblige and come with her, or eventually change his mind. Hardin always made it very clear that he had no intention of moving to Seattle, despite it being where Tessa dreamed of living.

Both Hardin AND Tessa did not want to come to any sort of compromise despite dreaming of a future together. Hardin wanted to move back to London, Tessa wanted to move to Seattle. Neither were willing to come to any sort of compromise on where they should live, even though they're so in love with each other.

What's also terrible is that so many people are siding with Tessa that he should've moved with her and Hardin is in the wrong for not sticking by her, knowing Seattle was her dream. Yes, Hardin was absolutely wrong for going behind her back to call her real estate agent and destroy her potential housing plans in Seattle. BUT, he wasn't given a choice in the first place, it was either move there with her or never see her again. That's crazy. Despite him doing such a terrible thing, Tessa was not right for the lack of compromise either.

Conclusion

I love this series, but it has been bothering me a lot how Tessa is seen as such a "good girl" and doesn't see herself as a big problem in the relationship too. I had to rant about it.

Anyhow, thank you for reading this. I'm willing to debate characters or any part of this series. Go off if you want to LOL

[shmowder]

Aaaaaa we get a snippet! How did I get so lucky? 😍 I was thinking they would be like the BG3 ones, simply a list of three kinks for each character, so that made my day and I'm wide-eyed with anticipation for the others when they're ready <3

Listen, I never thought I'd be into the toxic masculinity or daddy kink before... but for Yulia, I could be convinced. Without a whole lot of difficulty. Because I have the willpower and conviction of a lamb. Or something. And because of your writing! I will never get tired of praising your writing and its ability to make me feel things. I understand the Minthara comparison now. Bonus points for using the phrase "clutch their pearls" which makes me smile every time I see it :D

-

I've finally begun Patho Classic! So my first impressions are 1) Your impulse to stand around and look at the cows is very relatable 2) WHAT is this voice acting. Artemy has a British accent? "Don't you go all bossy on me, clever clogs." ???????? I know I'll get over it but it's really funny to me at the moment and I'm a little scared to hear what everyone else sounds like.

Thanks again for all the tips you wrote out earlier. I looked them over again and I have the maps printed out and ready to go. I'm only in the very beginning, just spoke to Notkin, Bad Grief, and the Olgimskys but it is just me or are there a lot fewer trash cans and dumpsters to loot than in P2? Maybe I'm just not looking in the right places.

-

I know you said you wish you could get requests out faster, so here's some reassurance that you're doing wonderfully. You can only do what you can with the energy that you have. I was glad to see that you're not pushing yourself too hard by coming back here, and that writing helps. Wishing you the best ❤️

🐿️ anon

Kfhowjd the fun of P1 is discovering all the secrets stumble upon the obnoxious useful details the devs left your way and just gasp because oh god they really did that and you never noticed until now?? this could've saved you so much money/time!!

So I'll resist my urge to spoil you on every shortcut and secret mechanic that will make your life a little easier.

Trust me, it's so much fun to figure out on your own. You'll feel so smart and proud of yourself afterwards no matter how late it happens, because I sure did.

Honestly, the infamouse "pathologic long boring walks" don't even register with me anymore.

This is just the norm now, like I'm weirded out by other games where things are so close by?? What do you mean I don't have to go across the town at least thrice to finish one quest with mediocre rewards? Let me enjoy the scenery in peace while occasionally parkouring to evade the sentient plague clouds hurdling towards me!

I also used the time to curse the last person who spoke to me in the quest for treating me like their courier pigeon. Oh, the colourful names I've called each and every single leader in this town, the titles I've bestowed upon Alexander Cuckburov for being a gaint tree branch wedged into my urethra.

Also, oh man, do people love giving Daniil pistols, got two out of Alexander and one out of Andrey for FREE. didn't even have to scam the men like in the haruspex route, I just asked, and they handed them to me– you should never underestimate the powers of a well-dressed twink huh.

I hope you enjoy the game! and yeah the voice acting and accent choices are hilarious, I think it's more of a localisation creative choice? Because Artemy speaks in a British accent but uses Australian lingo and "mate" a lot. While Daniil speaks in an american accent but uses British lingo and phrases so much, he says "bloody" an unbelievable amount.

You'll witness Artemy use the word yapping in canon lore, that's fun.

So many things are hilarious, so much more cursing and abrasive language. Andrey tells you all about how last night orgy was disgusting, a couple npcs call Aglaya a bitch, Bad Grief uses cunt a couple times. There are so many funny instances that put P2 "oh sorry for my bad language" scene to shame.

Casual misogyny also, from your humble protagonists and other characters. If you think Yulia was mild mannered in P2 then just wait until you get to the scene where she literally talks shit about ALL the other women in the town to Daniil mere minutes after meeting him.

Daniil doesn't quote latin as much in P1, which is funny. It means it was an active choice to make him more obnoxious in P2.

One last thing, get into the habit of leaving stuff, especially herbs, in your lair drawer because the Haruspex has massive inventory management problems.

-

ochwixjwjdnd Thank you for your praise <333 it means a lot. I like how different characters like Minthara and Yulia could still have a kink in common yet approach it in different ways?

Minthara is more possessive with it, emphasis on the toxic part. The "masculinity" is basically drow femininity in her culture, which is why it comes so naturally to her. It's women who are expected to be dominated and in control.

Yulia, meanwhile, is someone who lives in a society where women are expected to be docile and submissive. A time period when wearing pants was seen as an outrageous act, borderline heresy. Even Aglaya, the most powerful woman, if not the person–in the whole town, still abides to the dress code, a modest long dress.

The town, especially the Kains, might have encouraged a "progressive no rules" style of living but that just translated to "dress slutier and still abide to gender roles" rather than deviate from social norms.

In P1 that is only made more important by the fact she is the ONLY woman character who wears pants in the entire town if not the entire game. P1 clearly being set in an older time period since in P2 you get more technology and progressive views as more and more women are seen wearing pants.

Not to mention her extremely short hair, she didn't have a bun in P1, only a pixie cut. P1 Yulia was a setting stone, unapologetically being herself in a town that burned women for being "demons" Her identity as butch as a whole wasn't noted in the Wikipedia for nothing. It was a different time. What seems normal and average to us now would've been seen as outrageous and drastic to that time period.

So a kink like that definitely hits a special spot in her brain where she is just done with society expectations. If people are horrified of her for what she is, then she might as well play on it and get some pleasure?

If they keep calling her a man for her clothes then why not go the whole way? She'll bed women and men alike and have them address her as sir, as daddy, as a husband.

Yulia is a gentlewoman still. She might not sit with her legs spreading like Andrey, but she'd love to have a pretty thing like you over her lap just as much as any man would.

And it adds a cheeky meaning to her idle dialogue phrase "A woman's nerves can only take so much" As she remains unaffected and collected in the face of great catastrophe.

Minthara would be want you to still refer to her with "Ma'am" and feminine terms while calling her strap a cock.

Yulia would rather you call her your daddy, use more masculine terms, albeit on the elegant side. She's never sleezy. She'd act like the perfect Victorian era husband, hold you by the waist, open the door for you, and have you underneath her in bed.

But she is no Daniil. She is still a fatalist at heart. Her home tends to be a mess. She tends to overthink and get lost in her own mind. She's an avid smoker and prefers to observe rather than take risks.

Things that are deemed "masculine" traits are just normal human traits in reality, anyone could develop them and Yulia refuses to be forced into a mould for femininity.

A world where the human experience is labeled as masculine and femininity is a constant performance, Yulia won't trim her edges and won't cover her blemished. She is a woman despite it all no matter what anyone says, she proudly owns her identity as she makes a joke out of these imaginary gender rules by playing around with masculine terms.

If you want a modern equivalent, think of modern butch lesbians who use He/Him pronouns and take testosterone. How other people feel like they have the right to police them or get outraged at them for... being themselves? Stupid people yes but they sadly make the majority.

That's how severe it is for her to wear pants and sport a manly short haircut as a noble aristocrat woman in the P1 time period.

-

If I wanted to explore the "toxic" part of the "toxic masculinity," then I see her using weapnised incompetence to get out of doing things she doesn't want whilst mansplaining things to you.

Deliberately using convoluted phrases and big words to make you pause and have to mull over her every sentence to make you feel smaller and less intelligent, so you'll just give up and agree with her.

See? Let your husband do the thinking. It's her job, after all. You just look pretty and go wash the dishes while she enjoys her drink.

She doesn't argue, that's the thing, she wins argument before the start by immediately conceading. She makes you feel like you're the one being emotional and overly sensitive, like you're the hysterical dramatic one that's yelling as she remains calm and civil.

It makes you feel bad even if you were in the right, Yulia knows that and it's why she does it, why she apologises immediately one sentence into the argument so you never get the chance to actually vent your frustration.

So she can claim you're simply too hormonal for your own good, that you need a strong logical masculine figure to keep you in check from your own emotions, and that happened to be her.

Basically, recycling that era's misogyny to use against you.

-

I'm too ambitious for my own good when it comes to projects. I have the perfect vision and I want to make it come true, its like I can clearly picture how I want each piece of writing to be, all the scenes to plan and all the characters to include.

Afterwards, it's actually time to act and work, and I exhaust all my energy while barely reaching 10% completion on my perfect vision, my magnum opus so far away.

This cycle repeats each time. I've learned to cut my losses and lower my requirements and standards a lot for what should be published or not. To set realistic expectations to what I could achieve.

Because in theory, I could make this vision into a reality, I have the skills and passion. But in practice? I don't have the energy, time or motivation since I know no matter how much I pour into it, only me and like 15 people total who care about patho x reader will ever ever see my post, only 7 will like it and only one or two will comment.

I looked over my bg3 fetish post and thought "pfft, I bet I can make this even better and bigger!" And I did.... for like 4 characters total before I burned out because damn.

It's so easy to talk about one character, study them and dissect them under a microscope, I could spin endless tales about Yulia or any single character from one prompt.

But. It's harder talking about multiple, especially when it's bordering double-digit territory. I have to switch prospective, get into different characters' mindsets, and keep track of their history and traits. It's headache inducing

It's like the difference between baking one big cake and baking many cupcakes, each with different flavours and difference recipes.

By the end you do get the same amount of cake technically but by god is the second one so much more exhausting.

That birthday post sucked the life out of me. I had to "educated guess" my way into what each character could possibly bring time after time after time and the result while satisfying and rich in essence, still remained a very condescended read, a short drabble.

A lot of times I cut Rubin last minute from healers requests because I gave my all spoons to Artemy and Daniil's part and now I have a headache and the idea of having to put myself into any new character's shoes makes me feel like throwing up.

Like a CPU capping the more tabs and programs you have open, Please god have mercy.

What makes this whole process more insulting is the fact there is no high after the pain to tank on yk? I know I'm throwing my writing to the ocean the second I post it, it will sink immediately to the seafloor and be lost forever.

60% of my notes rn are about the two memes I posted... two days ago while 25% is about memes I posted months ago, 10% is about my character study and 5% is about my x character writing.

SO I CAN'T EVEN GET ADDICTED. I can't even fuel my creative process with the dopamine of clicks and numbers going up! WAKE UP SQUIRREL ANON IT'S JUST ME AND YOU AND LIKE 2 OTHER NAMED ANONS PLUS 5 OTHER LURKERS IN HERE.

It's a labour of love. Each piece chips a piece of my soul with it. Yes, even the Oyun CBT snippet, which will get posted eventually.

I get nothing from this. I just genuinely really want it to exist so badly. It sucks to make, and it sucks to post, and it sucks to watch flop! But it's... god, for a moment in time, it's beautiful when I reread it after weeks and get hit directly in the heart by my own creation.

And sometimes, it's cathartic to make. Exhausting in a good way? Like the exhaustion after a good swim, the soreness after a party, the relief after finally throwing up as all the built-up despair from the dreadfull anticipation fizzles out.

And I still make mistakes and it's not perfect but it's mine. I'm still learning! I still discover new words to add to my vocabulary and then microdose into my works. New Idoms and descriptive phrases, I pause and think after every sentence to try and see if I could've phrases it better, If there are more fitting adjectives.

Yet typos still pass me by and at times I'm 90% certain I've posted literal gibberish and there is no way this collection of vaguely connected sentences actually tell a story.

But I still post it all the same because I've spent effort on it dammit. Burned or not you'll eat the damn cake! Plus after going to sleep and actually having a decent meal, I'm pleasantly surprised that I haven't shat the writing bed yet by posting gibberish and these words are actually coherent my god.

It's so easy to give into intuition after a while, to fall into a slump and sink deeper into your comfort zone of art. Creativity is a skill you train and with time you can put your brain on auto pilot while making art.

But that is a slippery slope my friend, getting too comfortable floating on the soothing ocean waves is as dangerous as flying directly into the sun. Next thing you know you're stuck in a tar pit at the deep oceanfloor after closing your eyes for a minute.

And the unkown becomes frightening again, and your ego is brittle and fragile, and you took your readers for granted and now you must humble yourself otherwise life and time will do it for you.

I fear the second to last part the most, taking my readers for granted. Taking every like, comment and anon for granted. I make it a point to thank each person who has ever commented on any of my fics on AO3, likewise I still thank people for their kind words and time on here no matter how redundant I sound.

You learn to not forget, to appreciate everything because nothing is ever mundane. We're real people, real humans interacting and sparing moments of our lives for each other. It's so easy to look at a "Great work!" comment notification on a screen and forget a whole person is behind it on the other end. To forgo the forest for the trees.

Which I'm thankful for your presence here, I'm thankful for the time you take to write down these asks, and I'm grateful for your sweet words because I rarely remember to offer them to myself.

I hope you enjoy p1! please do tell me about all the funny moments or interesting things you encounter. For me I'm on day 3 of the Bachelor playthrough and I'm realising how much of an easier life Daniil has in comparison to Artemy.

[foaming-sea]

Hey, remember when I said I was sleepy at 8pm but you sent me to eat? Well, now it's 6am and I haven't slept at all, and I blame you personally /j /lh

The thing is, I've been using this insomnia time thinking back about the whole cherry thing, and I honestly think I could've done it better. Like the Winona clue could have been a sentence instead of just a list random words. "when I needed one nobody asked". That's good, right? Kate wouldn't have deciphered it so quickly. And I could've find a better way to lead you to decode by Sabrina.

DknfkdkdnjmEsnsksjsusjsbCbsjsjOsnsbsbsjsjsnbdjdkDsnskskmsjdjdbdbdkdnsEbsjn

^^ That would've been genius, if I may say so myself.

Also using a strawberry emoji instead of a cherry in reference to my url (fresa means strawberry in Spanish)

Like if I had been more organized and planned the clues with more anticipation it could've been so much better. I want a second chance, I'm sure I could make it last more than 3 days.

Gonna have to join another server and re do it.

Now that we're married you can expect insane insomnia asks like this one, you're stuck with me now. Anyways, where are we going for our honeymoon??

Oh and let me know how you do in your exam.

Hey love, I'm sorry I made you stay up all night. Well when i eat I always feel more sleepy, so I thought it would be like that for you too. You can blame me, but I personally blame that second cup of coffee you had /j

I'm sure You could have made this whole thing much more cryptic. I already told you you're freakishly smart. Maybe even the smartest person I've known ever. yes the Winona line is genius. So is the Decode one. But honey, I don't think we could've ever found you out at all if it went even the tiniest bit mire cryptic than this. And Everyone in the server might have start to pull their hair out. Yeah the strawberry emoji could have helped but I don't think anyone would have looked and the emoji and wondered what the word for it was in Spanish XD

Well it would have been fun for me too if it lasted more than 3 days but think about the general people.

Yeah when you do join a new server to redo it, invite me too, I wanna see it unravel.

Well, I look forward to you sending me ask at 3 am for the rest of my life and promise to reply to every one of it with pleasure. Idk, we could go to paris, or somewhere tropical. I always thought Venice was beautiful plays to vist.

The exam went well, thanks for asking <3

[whencallstheheart]

I feel bad for both Team Lucas & Team Nathan fans. Neither one is really winning right now. I personally don't think we'll see a definite answer either way in the last couple episodes. The whole Lucas governor thing and the Elizabeth with Lucas or Nathan will be a cliffhanger. So, me personally for one is not getting my hopes up for a relationship shakeup or even an answer to it all by the end of season 10. It does seem in the small parts we've seen Little Jack this year that he does like Lucas so, I wonder of that would play a part in her decision making. I do have a couple questions for you:

1. Do you think Elizabeth is truly over Jack? I know she'll always love him but, I guess more of the grief of losing him to move on with either one.

2. Do you have any opinions on what direction you think we'll be headed for in Season 11?

I definitely think the next two episodes are going to all about the election and what that will become and the decisions and sacrifices that revolve that. I also just don't know if Elizabeth would move Little Jack away from Hope Valley.

I mean, I feel like I'm personally winning because I'm enjoying myself so much. It does suck though. This isn't how either side wanted things to be and there's going to be upset fans again which is unavoidable (and such a strange choice to do again now which is why I'm just trusting the process). I don't expect much resolution in the finale either. I think everyone is anticipating a cliffhanger. No one should be getting their hopes up too high for anything. This season has been really surprising so there's no telling what else is coming.

I don't think she is over Jack's death completely. She was cheated out of a marriage and she has to watch her son grow up without his father. A person doesn't get over that. It's always going to be hard for her and she's always going to mourn what could've been. That being said, I think she is ready to open her heart again. She already did with Lucas (because I think it was easier/safer for her at the time). Her biggest hurdle with Nathan is the fact that he could suffer the same fate as Jack. Many of the reasons she fell for Jack were directly related to his duty and honor as a Mountie and it's the same with Nathan. He might not be a Mountie forever anyway.

I really don't. I think we'll still be working towards a wedding for Elizabeth and whichever guy she ends up with. Beyond that I have no idea. I hope we'll see Henry have a romance. That's the main thing I'd like to see at this point. I'm just along for the ride.

Elizabeth would not move from Hope Valley. It wouldn't make sense. She didn't even want to leave the row houses that are way too small and not appropriate for her to live in. She loves the town and the school. She wants Jack to grow up there. It would be a huge shock if she actually went through with it. It would change the show completely.

[emilystheories]

I think you have some great theories but some require so much explanation to make it work and are buried in references and outside sources, we almost get away from what we know - SJM makes whatever lore she pulls from her own. Some are so complex and very specific to the way you analyze, we can't possibly expect SJM to have been on the same wavelength as you. Considering how often SJM retcons and contradicts herself in interviews, I just don't think she's putting in as much work as some fans do with some theories. Yes, she has plot twists and turns, but they aren't overly layered and she's not the best as creating two demensional villains either. She's also made some questionable writing decisions that so many fans never could've predicted. Like, I remember all the wild theories for KOA & ACOSF and none were remotely close to what she planned in terms of plot development aside from the obvious, Nessian as endgame. I think at best, the theories that do come to fruition are the simple ones even causal readers can pick up. I think you have some creative ideas, but I think we are expecting too much from SJM.I think she's a simple gal, who loves writing romance. Will you be disappointed if none of your theories come to be true? If none come true, I hope it doesn't stop you from expressing your thought and blogging, there's so many other fandoms who would appreciate you in their corner.

This is a valid point, so thank you for bringing it up!

I think first and foremost, it goes without saying that most SJM fan theories will (likely) be wrong in some capacity - my own included. I am definitely aware of this, which is why I am intentional with my wording (ie. I will never say "I figured it out!", or try and present my theories as canon facts). For me personally, theorising isn't about trying to be "right" (as that's pretty much impossible); instead, it's about pondering all the different possibilities that SJM could take in future books, and then sharing these possibilities within a community.

As for expecting too much from SJM - I am undecided. I do see where you are coming from, and I especially agree with KOA; a perfect example of this was Elide's character - SJM hinted several times that Elide had Blackbeak blood (which spurred on the creation of many incredible theories), but then it ultimately lead to nothing...? However, I also know that Merrill's hypothesis in ACOSF (about the 11 different dimensions, or as many as 26) is a direct reference to String Theory - and then the Harp, with the 26 strings, represents this. To me, this does indeed suggest that SJM is thinking about her worlds (and how they interact) beyond the surface level.

This is also why I often reference outside sources in my theories (such as mythology or folklore), because to me it is clear that SJM derives so much inspiration from these same sources. For example, Helion appears to be named after "Helios" (Greek god of the sun), and Thesan appears to be named after "Thesan" (Etruscan goddess of dawn). Knowing that SJM is connecting her characters in this way lends itself to questioning the other remaining characters - for example, why is Hunt named after Orion; a famous hunter in Greek mythology? Why is Mor named after The Morrigan; a famous war goddess/shapeshifter/banshee in Celtic mythology? Does it mean something? (Or, are you right, and SJM is just choosing names at random?)

So, I guess I can admit that I do have high expectations of SJM going forward, and that my theories reflect that. However, if SJM does indeed opt for more "basic" storylines in her future books (ie. much less of a crossover than we are anticipating), then it wouldn't be the first time that my theories have failed to account for that. In the past, I have actually posted theories for two well known TV/book series, and both went "viral" within those respective fandoms (I still remember when Reese Witherspoon posted a news article about my theory to her instagram story lmao). However, both times, the author went for a much more "obvious" ending, and as a result, I was on the receiving end of fandom backlash (that my thoughts were too "outlandish," or that my expectations were too high).

But, that's still part of the fun. Honestly, my one true goal is to write my own fantasy series - that way, I am free to include as many "outlandish" twists, turns, and ideas as I wish !! :)

[ahundredlifetime]

Thoughts lately about Elvis

When I think about Elvis - all the time basically - it's not uncommon for me to feel sad at the end. I feel sorry his life ends the way it ended, I feel sorry he only had a short time on this earth, I feel sorry that he was trapped by his obligations, overworked, and I feel sad that now I know how lonely he was.

I'm sure I'm not the only one feeling this way.

I kept thinking what could've been, should've been. I asked myself, where did it all go wrong? But I can't turn back the time, so instead of making myself depressed thinking about it, I made peace with the reality.

When I read books or watch movies about him, the summary that I get is he didn't have much control in his life and career choices. It's all taken care of by the Colonel. This is the part that makes me sad the most. It might be true to some extent, but after some thoughts, I don't think the Colonel could control that much of Elvis' life, if Elvis himself didn't give permission to it.

These sources do give us facts, historically, of what happened in Elvis's real life in the 50s, 60s, and 70s. But what they didn't explicitly tell us - doesn't mean they should be - is how it would actually feel to be in his position.

Elvis saw Colonel as his business partner. You might not like the Colonel - well I don't - but he brought the money in, millions of it. I think the "declines" in the later years of his life is a "side-effect" that both of them weren't anticipated - overworked, depressed, and his health condition got worsen.

We need to put in context how bad the working conditions was for artists in the those years. Singers became actors in Hollywood was the norm, multiple performances in Las Vegas hotels wasn't uncommon. Even though Elvis's Las Vegas schedule was insane compared to other artists, it was less insane back then. You know what I mean? I think the point what I want to make is, if you are in his shoes, back in the day, all of his life and career choices did make sense.

Like Elvis once sang "Walk a mile in my shoes~".

I don't know why I'm writing this post, I think because I'm upset reading reports about him - especially from the past - that makes Elvis looked like he's "not that bright". I guess people from our era have more respects for him (because he's gone, but his tragedy outshines his music and movie career) than the people from his days who made fun of him and criticise him a lot.

I think people should've gave him more credit for maintaining his long 22 years career in entertainment industry, because he was a mastermind in his own right.

After looking from this point of view, I feel less sad, to be honest. Knowing he did it his way. He might had some regrets, but I bet it'd be a few ("my way" reference)

To prove my points:

Since early in his career, he has already read critics to know what people didn't like about him, so he would know what to improve.

and this

Elvis and Bill Belew collaborated to make his iconic jumpsuits come to live.

and many more other references that says Elvis knew what his fans like, what makes girls crazy about him, and he has done some experiments in his tours to see which songs to get the audience excited.

I think that's all for my rant tonight.

[karmas-chameleon]

For the writer asks, 4, 22, 25?

Thanks for the ask! :)

I'm gonna put this below a cut because it got kinda long lol

4. with dialogue i'm proud of

That's gonna be this snippet from my short where my S/I sees Manfred's scar for the first time:

“What happened?” I asked softly.

“I had…a particularly difficult case. The longest trial of my career. And I have this scar as a reminder of it.” His voice lowered, so quiet I could hardly hear him. “Those who pursue justice do so knowing the dangers they may face. Forty years of prosecuting criminals comes with its price, Miss Martin.”

My eyes were wide with fear. I hadn't imagined he'd ever face that kind of danger in his job - he was just a prosecutor, not a police officer, not an investigator, surely he would be safe. But he wasn't. I grabbed onto his shoulder again, not to inspect a wound but to hold him and keep him with me.

“Manny…stay safe, please. I…I don't want to lose you. I can't.”

Finally, Manfred looked at me, and saw my worries. He placed a hand over mine, and forced a smile. “You don't need to worry. The one who did this has been dealt with, and I don't anticipate any future…confrontations.”

I frowned at him. “You're sure?”

“I'm certain. It's been long enough since that incident that I can assure you nothing else will come of it.”

I love it because basically every sentence Manfred says means something different to each of them, and my S/I misinterprets his words exactly how he wants her to without him technically lying.

From her point of view, she hears this: Manfred had a tough case, and got shot at one point. He knows that his job can be a dangerous one, and it made him some enemies among the criminals he puts to justice. But the guy who shot him is either dead or in jail now, and he thinks he'll be safe.

What Manfred is actually saying: He had a tough case, got a penalty and got shot (and in my headcanon he thinks it was Gregory who pulled the trigger). He then shot him back, and is trying to justify it to himself - the one 'pursuing justice' was Gregory, and he knew that he could get hurt, didn't he? Miles had to know that his father's job could be dangerous; Manfred wasn't the only person who could've done him in, right? There's a price for forty years of success, and Gregory was the one who paid it. But he's dead now, and the statute of limitations has expired. He knows he's safe.

22. that is so blissfully self-indulgent

Honestly all of chapter 9 of my story is probably my most self-indulgent (SFW) thing I've written, but I'll just post my favorite bit:

“There's no need to apologize.” Manfred lay his hand over mine, squeezing gently as I held onto his snot-filled handkerchief. “There never was.”

“I-it's just-” I sniffled, “a lot. Everything is.”

“Hmm?”

“When…whenever I touch you, it's- it makes me feel a lot of…stuff. And when we talk, and when I look at you, and everything- and it's just,” I wiped at my eyes, “...too much, sometimes.”

“You’re overwhelmed. Overstimulated.”

“Uh-huh,” I nodded.

“Is there anything you need? If there's any way I can help, I will.”

“I just need…time, I think.” I slumped against Manfred's shoulder and closed my eyes, finally capable of taking a deep breath.

I focused on the sounds around me. The birds chirping in the trees and the wind whistling through the branches calmed me, while the sound of nearby human activity made me worry about just how many people may have passed by in the middle of my meltdown. And it still wasn't over, not quite. I could feel myself cooling off, but I wouldn't be back to normal until I got to my apartment, turned off all the lights, and took a long nap. Even then, ‘normal’ would still be painfully relative - my normal, but not the normal. Such a quality was out of my reach.

“I'm glad you told me,” Manfred said quietly, “even if you may not feel the same way. I realize it must've taken a good deal of courage.”

I nodded wordlessly into his shoulder.

“And it reminds me how I should treat you.”

My heart sank. This was the beginning - the pity, the babying, the ‘you poor thing’ looks that I'd dreaded.

“With politesse, and chivalry, as a gentleman ought to. Taking things slowly, and always requesting permission rather than assuming. And no more messing around trying to fluster you, as amusing as it may be.”

I felt him squeeze my hand again, and sighed with relief. “Thank you…Manfred.”

“Of course, Miss Martin.”

Years ago when I first started self shipping, and even after that when I started writing for my ships, I never would've written something like this, ever

My self inserts were idealized versions of myself, so of course if I was writing a character that's just 'me but better', that couldn't include autism, right? And I couldn't possibly imagine writing a whole chapter that's just me rambling about my problems, that would be super cringey and weird

But I've mostly moved past that now, enough to write whatever stuff makes me happy and to have my self inserts be the real me, warts and all (someday I might even write something about my S/I's acne scarring which I'm super self conscious about...but I'm not quite that brave yet lol)

Also the comment I got on that chapter from another autistic person who liked it just made me so happy 😊

25. that i consider a favorite

Ok here's a long one

Usually my 'favorite' is a snippet I've either been looking at or working on recently, and I've been looking back at this WIP planning on finishing it at some point:

“Here with someone special, Fräulein?”

“Yeah,” I nodded, smiling as I finally spotted him in the ballroom, next to Chief Gant and a tall, lanky officer.

“Ahh, you're with him?” Gavin said, evidently following my eyes. “Interesting.”

I looked back to see him grinning, and flushed slightly. “You, uh, know him?”

“I've talked to him a handful of times, ja. Not the easiest to work with, but I know he means well. He seems like a nice man.”

I was practically beaming. “Yes! I knew someone else would see it too. He's such a sweetheart when you get to know him, really.”

“You tell Meekins he's a lucky man for me, eh Fräulein? I should-”

“Meekins?” I stared at the prosecutor as he began to stand up. “Wait, who did you-”

“Is this fool bothering you, Miss Martin?”

Gavin froze in his tracks and I turned to see Manfred nearly at my side. I shot him a grin and stood to join him.

“Hey Manfred! Nah, we were just talking. Prosecutor Gavin told me he's in a band.”

“I'm aware.” My boyfriend’s icy glare left the other prosecutor for only a moment to look at me with concern. “Weren't you going to get something to eat?”

“I did. Got one of everything they had, plus an extra pig in a blanket.” I raised said snack up, as it was the only one I hadn't entirely finished. “You want a bite? They're really good!”

“...If you insist.”

Manfred continued to look somewhat intimidating, even as I popped a half-eaten cocktail weenie in his mouth. I turned back to look at the poor man he evidently wasn't friendly with, and saw him gawping at the two of us.

“Um…it's been nice meeting you, I guess?” I said with an awkward wave, hoping it would dismiss him.

“Er, ja, Fr- Frau Martin.” He made an effort to compose himself and left with a wave and a smile.

No sooner had he left earshot than I heard a scoff from Manfred, and looked back to try and figure out why he'd acted as he did.

“Hmph, so it's ‘Frau’ now, is it? I'd bet my entire estate that wasn't what he was calling you before I walked over.”

I nodded. “Yeah, it was something else, uh…something German sounding.”

“Fräulein. I haven't heard anyone use that to address a grown woman since I was a child. It's disrespectful. And this fool thinks he can just throw it into his vocabulary for flavor. Preposterous, really.” He crossed his arms and I smiled at him as he let out a huff, clearly on a roll with his complaining. “Tell me, just how much gratuitous German did he use when he spoke to you? I wouldn't begrudge a man a bit of creative linguistics if it were any other man, butchering any other language. But he embarrasses me by association.”

I placed a hand on his arm, leaning in to him with a grin. “Well, maybe he's doing that on purpose, huh? Not to embarrass you, but to make people think of the best prosecutor in LA when they see him. Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, isn't it?”

“He certainly could've chosen something better to imitate, then. My professionalism, or success in the courtroom, not some exaggerated national identity. And if he wants to make something of himself as a prosecutor, he ought to focus on it instead of that silly little band of his. The man splits his time between prosecuting and singing, and I daresay he's worse than me at both.”

I tried to stifle a giggle, and Manfred frowned at me.

“Is something amusing?”

“You're cute when you're mad.”

“I am not mad. I'm merely detailing the numerous flaws of someone in my profession.”

[callsignbaphomet]

I have many "less than popular" opinions about the DLC but I wanna talk about 2 at the moment.

Under read more for spoilers.

I love Enir-Ilim very dearly. It is beautiful, mysterious, full of vague clues and it captured me entirely. I wanna know every single detail about it. Who used to live there? Who built it? When was it built? Who built the gate of divinity and how and when? Who was the very first one to use it and what powers it? What's behind the gate? What the fuck does Enir-Ilim mean?

It was a shock to the system to see that structure up in the sky when I first played the DLC and the first thing I remember saying was, "I want to get up there!" I'm enthralled by the place.

However, I think it would've had much more meaning if we couldn't see it at all. Like, as soon as we get to the DLC we see nothing as it's invisible. Not shrouded in shadow or blurred. No. Completely invisible not just to us the player but to everyone else within the world. Enir-Ilim houses the gate of divinity and according to the game it was a "highly kept secret" so it woulda been interesting to investigate rumors and tales of old while tracking down Miquella. We absolutely could've had this air of mystery of where in the blue fuck this Enir-Ilim was located or if it was a red herring or something. Burning the sealing tree, which, really? Again with burning a tree? Y'all had two whole years.....anyway, putting all the puzzle pieces together would've revealed that you needed to break a seal and when you did Enir-Ilim would be revealed in all its beautiful glory making our hard work to uncover the mystery that much more satisfying and certainly would feel like we're doing something we shouldn't be doing but have to.

My other opinion is that we should've had more enemies and bosses like Metyr. I really don't appreciate or understand the hate she gets. There's people saying she belongs in Bloodborne but she's fine right here in Elden Ring. To be perfectly honest once I heard or how connected the cosmos were to this game I expected more of Metyr even in base game. We got Dark Souls 4 with some bits of cosmic horror.

Dude, Metyr shocked me in the best way. I died so many times to her but I wasn't even angry, the fight is a marvel to behold and honestly I want more of her type of boss. Even Elden Beast, an actual alien from actual space by the way, feels far too...King Arthur and the Knights of the Roundtable.

Don't get me wrong, I like Elden Ring and I'm having fun with the DLC but I'm not a dick rider. I'll criticize the ever loving fuck out of this as I feel there was so much lost potential and far too much repeativeness and recycling. Don't even get me started on the empty space and wasted potential of areas.

Ruins of Rhia and ruins of Dheo are breathtakingly beautiful and the only thing there are fingercreepers and some of the most annoying mobs From has ever made. When we reach the bell there's this air of anticipation right before blowing on the bell and it would've been fantastic to fight some sort of mini boss of cosmic origins but nothing happens. Seriously let down. I do have to say the sound the bells make give me the best shivers. I love that sound!

But yeah, that's just two of the many hot takes I have.