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#i don't wanna be mean i love him so much
tired-reader-writer · 15 days
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Can't write rn so have this:
“I'll kill them,” says the saffron-clad girl with jagged tattoos. “I'll kill them all. The fake-ass princes, the king, the nobles. Everyone. All of them. They'll never become a problem for my hometown. Never. I'm gonna make sure of it.”
Alfarīd takes in the sight of Ashaya's hidden face, the tremor in their lengthy frame. Takes in their voice, so full of bitterness and anger, so full of...
Fear.
Ashaya is afraid.
And who wouldn't be, when it's you against the world?
She lets herself plop down on Ashaya like she's seen cats do with each other. You can die at the hands of royalty, monkey. Consider it an honor. “Well, that makes it two of us, ey?”
Ashaya snorts. “Congratulations, you've just got a roadside fox stuck to your side for perpetuity. Now what?”
“Were you even listening to yourself? We're gonna rid the world of pests.”
“The rat bastard with the silver mask first?”
“The rat bastard with the silver mask first.”
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dollypopup · 2 months
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y'all can all cancel me (again) for this, but if there's even a SHRED of 'who should I pick?' from Penelope in season 3, I am tuning out SO fast because like. . .sorry not sorry, there IS no choice. Debling is some crusty OC suitor she barely even knows and Colin is a man who she has been so supposedly in love with to the point where she'd ruin her entire family's reputation to have a potential love story with him. Penelope and Colin have background, years of knowing each other, intimacy that few people in the Ton can boast of having (letters, conversations about purpose, fights and arguments and makeups) and her and Debling have. . .a dance or two at a ball because he's a rebound for Penelope's broken heart. he means nothing. he has no nuance, he has no weight to the story, he is such an afterthought to me. either I wanna see Penelope going 'you know what? I don't even LIKE this dude. he's. . .fine, but I don't care about him even a shred as much as I care about Colin' or the INSTANT Colin's like 'you know what? we should get married' if it's not an immediate 'say less, you're already my husband, try returning me without the receipt, Debling whomst?' then I don't want it!
like. . .it's just so frustrating to see all the 'I hope Debling sweeps her off her feet and she rejects Colin's proposal and she makes him work for it and and and-' nonsense from the fandom and it's always tagged and no matter how many times I block it, it just keeps popping up. I go into the Polin tag for POLIN. I don't give a SHIT about a male love interest other than Colin. Not one. Not a shred. Not an iota.
and also. . .Debling has the 'benefit' of not having depth, or character traits, or HISTORY, so peeps can project onto him however they want, but I'm calling it now, there is NOTHING he could do or be that would make me like him more than Colin. Colin will always hit different, and I will always love him more. and if Pen's not on that same page? lol bye
you want me to believe Penelope and Colin are soulmates and it's romance for her to hem and haw about how difficult a decision it is for her to marry a stranger who knows barely anything about her. . .
when Marina was out here dropping banger lines like 'You were the only man with which I could see myself being happy' and 'I do not care about any of these men, where is Colin?'? like hello??? and she wasn't even fully in love with him!!!! but we'll demonize her until the cows come home in our fandom and make her the villain in Polin's love story for DARING to get in between Polin, yet Debling, a white man, is a darling dear perfect prince for getting in between Polin? existing in our fandom solely so Penelope can be like 'lol, Colin ain't shit, let me entertain any and everyone else'?
if that's the direction it goes then, ten toes down and on my mama, she doesn't deserve Colin and she can move because I'm on my way to court him my damn self
and that's that on that
#you know what? lol it's been a bit since i've posted a controversial opinion#tagging it#polin#sorry not sorry i ship polin. . .so i wanna see. . .polin. . .and i'm getting damn sick and tired#of all the bullshit pen/oc pen/other dude theories and stories in the polin tag#and i don't want polin to lose screentime over a frankly bleh male oc#you can't change my mind#if i don't see at least marina's 'you've seen him with the little bridgertons!' level of squee and 'i only want to talk to colin'#levels of devotion then i don't fucking WANT IT!!!!!#yeah definitely try out the marriage market#realize that NO ONE has a good time on the marriage market#try to get over him w/ whomstever#but then be like 'i don't even LIKE this dude where's colin i miss him' about it!!!!!#because otherwise i am not here#i am asleep#and i am courting colin in your place pen#i'm coming for your man#anti debling#if debling has 100 haters i am one of them if he has 10 haters i'm one of them if he has 1 hater i am the hater if he has 0 haters i'm dead#it's incredibly obvious that 'pebling' is half rooted in a revenge storyline fueled by anger at Colin and his complexity#and half a projection of wanting Penelope to have 'choices' because she is a representation and manifestation of the fans themselves#and so people think an OC that can be 'perfect' for them- whoops I mean Pen (because he doesn't have any real depth or interest)#he's a cardboard cutout we can throw whatever you want onto#so we can make him 'perfect' instead of the much more meaningful storyline of pen and colin both being messy and loving each other more#and part of it is bitterness over Polin not being insta-love#which. . .if it was i wouldn't like them as much as i do#anyways y'all ain't slick#and it's fucking WEIRD to be in a fandom that's like 'i ship this couple but i hope she gets with ANYONE else'#maybe you. . .don't ship the couple??#like. . .to the point of wanting her necklace to be from debling. . .and her wearing it everywhere??? WHAT??
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cerise-on-top · 10 days
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Cried on the train today, then thought of this! This is just me coping to the highest degree again, but I thought other people might like this as well!
Nikolai as a Father
First off, he’d likely be absent rather often. He was a soldier, he runs a PMC, he’s a busy man through and through. That’s why he won’t be able to see you as often as he’d like. He’d have loved to see all your accomplishments, meeting your first partner and intimidating them, your graduation, the first time you performed on stage, but it wasn’t possible due to work. He does feel bad about it, but he can’t help it. He will try to make it up to you somehow, though he’d understand if you couldn’t forgive him. He does try to be there for you whenever he can, visiting you whenever possible, but you will be apart from each other more often than not. However, if you ever have any suggestions regarding what you’d like to do together, he’s all ears. He has enough money to grant you any wish like that. You wanna go to Japan? You want a boat trip? You wanna go karaoke? It’s all possible, as long as he gets to experience those things with you. He really does wanna make up for the lost time.
He’s a pretty relaxed kind of father. The kind that would allow you a sip of beer when you were young. He’d have no problems with you drinking, as long as it doesn’t get out of hand. You should be responsible about that sort of thing. But if you ever wanted to invite a friend over to drink a bit, then he’d have no problem with getting the booze for you. Nothing too strong while you’re still young, of course, but he gets it. You’re young, you want to be stupid and do foolish things. He was like that too when he was younger, so he won’t stop you. In fact, he’ll even drive to the nearest fast food restaurant and get you and your friend something to eat. Sometimes he might cook himself, though. Nikolai’s food is downright godly, he can cook just about anything and cook it well too. As long as you don’t invite a friend over to get blackout drunk every weekend, all is good.
I think he’d probably lie to you about his job when you’re younger. You don’t need to know that he kills people for a living. You can know that he does paperwork, though. So he’d likely tell you he works an office job that has him traveling a lot. Speaking of traveling, he’ll always bring you a souvenir. That could range from a small snow globe to a nice T-shirt he found that you might like. He may be busy, but he does think about you very often. This continues into adulthood as well. If he can’t see you and give it to you in person then he’ll just mail it to you. Won’t ever allow you to work in the same field he does, though. You’re too sweet to work as a mercenary. You can become anything you want to be, but he’ll do what he can to not have you work in the military or in a PMC. He wants you to live and live well. There are no exceptions to this. He knows you might not listen to him, but he’ll tell you over and over again that those kinds of jobs are not what you might think they are. He doesn’t tell you what to do very often, but you should listen to him when he does. He’s an older man, who actually knows what he’s talking about. Besides, he only means well when it comes to you.
A very accepting father, in all honesty. You’re gay? You’re trans? He’s very supportive of you. Besides, it doesn’t matter who you bring home, he’s gonna try to intimidate them either way. Only the best of the best for you. If you ever find yourself some sleazebag, who won’t spoil you rotten like you deserve, then he’ll make sure that person will learn their lesson. He can be a very scary man when he wants to be. If you’re transmasc, then he’d delight in going clothes shopping with you and finding something that you look good in and that fits. He might even buy you a bomber jacket like he has so you can match. He’ll get you the fanciest suits too. Whatever you need, he’ll give it to you. If you’re transfem then he might not be the best suited candidate to go shopping with you. He can tell you what you look good in, but he might call someone like Laswell to help you find nice clothes that suit you well. However, he won’t save any money on anything. You know what you want? You can gladly have it. Nikolai will even pay for your surgeries as well. As long as you’re happy, he’s happy. No price is too high when it comes to your happiness. In fact, he probably has the means to get you a prescription for hormones as well. It might not be entirely legal, but it’s better than nothing if you have shitty doctors.
Likewise, if you come out to him as aromantic or asexual, he won’t mind. Sure, you might have to explain what that means, but once he understands he won’t make you feel bad for that sort of thing. Gives you a side hug and tells you that he’s glad he doesn’t have to worry about your heart being broken by some asshole who can’t appreciate you for who you are. Unfortunately, if you do come out to him as ace, he might make some puns about it. Nothing offensive, but he’s your father, he can’t help the urge to make awful dad jokes from time to time.
If you don’t know Russian then he’ll teach you. He’s a proud Russian, so he does want you to know the language. He can hire a teacher for you too, if you’d prefer that, but you won’t be spared. He’ll talk to you in Russian and compliment you on your progress. Besides, it’s never a mistake to know another language. If you do know Russian then he’ll speak it with you whenever he can. Yes, even when the likes of Price are around. Doesn’t matter if it comes off as rude, it just feels homey to him. It makes him feel at ease.
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fairy-hub · 4 months
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I love my cat’s little purring chirp, he wants to make those high pitched short chirps but he wants to purr so it becomes a soft little rumbling loud purr with random burst of shrill chirping. Occasionally you'll see his little chunky self take a deep breath and get bigger like a puffer fish. It's because he is using every ounce of power in his fuzzy cat body to scream for as long as he can
Then if you come close he head buts you and bites your cheek then head buts again. All the while purring and chirping into between head butting and biting. He tries to bite softly but he gets excited. Bumping his head first tends to confuse him enough that he doesn't bite but purrs happy to have your forehead booping his
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juicedbeetle · 2 years
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I just love when he does creacher shit like this so much
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softshuji · 30 days
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Any men out there wanna pretend to be my bf to get my parents off my case about marriage? I am so so serious right now.
#my mom gave me a really really lonf lecture and upset me because her and my dad want me to start thinking about settling down ans getting#married. again. cos this comes up all the time. ans I reiterated that i do wanna marry and have kids. i know im 26 years old why do they'#think im also not aware of this??? like i suddenly forgot my own age and have my head in the clouds all the time. and i got so heated cos i#said they only believe in that in theory. in reality neither of them have accepted the idea od my leaving home or the idea of mw being with#a man. and they start freaking out if they even find out i talk to them so to say they want me to get married is so fucking naive#ans when i mentioned this and that they're more than ok w mt brothers talking tp women she said that if i wanted to settle down she could#talk to dad and they could “go about finding someone for me” and I've never been so pissed#i got so upset. why does everyone keep saying this to me. as if anyone my dad knows could ever be a half decent man#and the truth is they don't care if im in a happy marriage they've accepted that i won't be they only care that im gone and saving face in#front of family. that's all. it's always reputation it's always “what will people say?”#not once did love come up. not once did shw even imply that i should marryfor love#or that they hope i love someone and marry them. because they're more happy with the idea of me marrying for the sake of it than#they are at the idea of me finding genuine lovw#im not a fucking broodmare im not here to push out babies for the sake od reputation.#and then i said nor being married isn't the end of the world and she said “it's important that you settle down”#and i said im unwavering in my principles. she can call mw high maintenance like she loves doing but I'm not wavering on the#kind of man i want to be with and when i do marry him i want it to bw genuine. because be loves me and vice versa not because im ticking off#somethin from a damn checklist to appease them. and if being unwavering on my principles means staying unmarried then so be it.#my obligations are to god and myself and that's it#and y'know what??? i am in love with a boy already#and yet they don't care that i wanna be in love at all. no im just a puppet to follow a certain narrative in life live according to evergone#else has and that's it.#im done.#and then she tried to apologise by getting me a slice of cake and that somehow made me feel worse.#i dont want an apology. i want to be heard and actually listened to for once. i want someone to ask what i want. to actually give a shit#and love me cos it's me. not cos im some thing to further an agenda. or some toy or puppet that does your bidding.#is it so much??? to just want to be loved in return? to marry and live according to how i want to?? ans not want anyone to make these#decision's for me?#ruined my whole day.
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kenobihater · 3 months
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the duality of man........ . ... .
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skrunksthatwunk · 7 months
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have just been introduced to a kitten named rascal who lives on my floor and whose babysitters (who are not his owner?) were trying Really hard to goad me into adopting which like. he's a little baby and he's so so so silly and he barely even bit me but like also. this cat isn't yours???? anyway if the owner's giving him up then I might finally have a cat which like AHHHHHG
#i wanna cat SO BADD#but also i dont think this is the best environment to have ANY non-tank pet tbqh#and i dont wanna have to give him away if my housing situation changes bc my parents house wouldnt work#(one of our dogs has a pretty strong prey drive and i dont wanna risk it)#also the poor guy seems a bit skittish and i think the 2 big dogs would scare him#and then there's the 'is he my cat or your cat' thing w my roommate#i think the answer would be hes my cat bc shes more ambivalent but she can actually take him home so like#and ive pretty much been banking on going home after college anyway so like??? in the long term where would he go???#but also my dogs are getting older.. maybe by then they'll be gone and that problem'll go away#but hell my room there's bigger than my dorm room so even if we kept him in there it'd be a better space than here#it'd be a step up#ugh idk. i think it's a bad idea to have a cat in rooms this small in general. but i don't wanna see him go to a shelter either#like he's young and cute so maybe it'll be easier for him but he's also not super cuddly with strangers as far as i can tell#idk... im worried about him.... poor little rascal#like one of the girls mentioned being mean to him and i dont want him to be mistreated#like shining lights in his face and stuff#idk... sigh......#im considering transferring schools at some point. worst case scenario is i go somewhere they dont allow pets and i have to#either find a foster parent or give him away completely#but i really dont wanna have to do that if i can help it. i never want to put a pet that loves and depends on me in a situation like that#much less me like id bawl my ass off#but if theyre treating him bad then even if my situation isnt perfect wouldnt taking him in be in the right anyway?#but how long does that stand for? until i can find him a better home? ughh
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mushroom-for-art · 5 months
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@distortionmewtwo Lucifer@Vector:
The big horned mew hovered in the air, gazing down at Vector with undisguised judgement. "Just what are you supposed ta be? Mew? Mewtwo? Some Meowth's hairball? You look like what you'd get if someone threw an algae-choked fishtank and moldy bread into a blender! Hah!" He did a lazy little roll in the air, sneering down at Vector. An eager, evil dare in his eyes for them to retaliate.
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The strange creature hunched over watching the horned other with expression and body language that clearly read as pure terror and uncertainty her eyes glued to the floating individual as he loomed over her sneering and mocking.
However when he didn't strike nor more too quickly her ear like horns straightened slowly no longer back in fright turning if anything to inquisitiveness as she shifted her body slowly though still watching him to crouch using one hand to stabilise herself as her head slowly tilted to one side.
She blinked slowly in a manner that indicated she may not have even understood what he had been saying, or was choosing to not acknowledge it her tail moving and swaying lifting to rest on the top of her head two of the spikes sticking up while the third morphed back into the jelly like substance of her tail as she curiously mimicked his horns, at least the best she could.
Imitation is the most sincere form of flattery or so they say, though it could've been read otherwise. Foolishly perhaps, she seemed a bit fascinated by him now as her tail fell back down to resting on the floor, she lifted her body just enough from her crouch to curiously tap at one of his hooves as though seeing if it was real and not just a unique shaped paw, idly grabbing one of the points between her digits making little curious chirps and cooes in her throat.
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emile-hides · 1 year
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So if there’s anything to take away from Bowser’s Inside Story it’s the lesson that the size disparity we see between different iterations of Bowser are caused by Near Death Experiences, and the following adrenaline rush
This can be seen directly in Super Mario Bros Wii, where after dunking Bowser into the lava in typical Mario Bros fashion, he comes back a solid 5 times his size. Not the biggest we’ve seen him, but still.
This then implies before games like Mario Galaxy and Bowser’s Fury something aside from Mario nearly killed Bowser, sending him into these adrenaline filled, power hungry rages.
This has the biggest implications, to me personally, for Mario Sunshine, the first game Bowser Jr makes his appearance, and the only time we see Bowser in his massive form not in a state of all out attack. He’s actually rather calm, and has his most iconic show of emotion to date. 
Am I going somewhere with all of this? No not really, I’m just thinking about it and wanna share where my brain is currently.
#Mario & Luigi#Bowser's Inside Story#Super Mario Sunshine#I finished inside story (again) today#I played it forever forever ago but couldn't remember a THING about it#because I didn't like it fkgjfkdgjkdf#It's my least favorite Mario&Luigi so far though I've only played up to it#I wanna play Dream Team eventually#Yes I KNOW bowser's fury tells us Bowser's Like That because of Jr.s Magic Paint and whatever#But I am choosing another narrative#Look listen listen look look listen look#Sunshine happens because it's the first time Bowser almost died post Jr being born#and it hits him there in that moment that he can't keep fucking around he has a CHILD now a child who sees him and relies on him#Thus he's kinda like. 'Shit. I gotta get this kid a support system other than me and the minions'#Because I mean Kamek's great but he doesn't wanna end up LEAVING Junior an ORPHAN that'd be messed up#I think Bowser's real mellow and soft in Sunshine because he's kind of realizing he can't run head first at everything and leave Jr behind#I dunno I dunno I'm think thonkin thonk thinkin#I love Bowser as a character I don't like his weird anatomy Inside Story gave us#I don't like Inside story... much at all really.... but that's not important#What IS important is how often Bowser almost dies to things OTHER than Mario#And how actually RARELY Mario almost KILLS Bowser#given how often Bowser almost kills Mario#Theoretically#The only exception to this is in Super Paper Mario where Dimentio sends everyone to Hell by Killing Them#But I mean maybe that doesn't count because he did Actually die#Or maybe we missed Big Bowser actually#He did wake up first and started fuckin shit up and they do call him a Huge Monster#So actually yeah he WAS huge we just missed it#This is my only take away from this game
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kjzx · 14 hours
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Will go to a do a haircut in some hours and I have the amount of worry about how I'm gonna ask for a buzzcut and how mean people are gonna be about it at a level that shouldn't exist for a woman in 2024 imo
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blqckbeard · 8 months
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i've only been in this fandom for a few days but i've noticed that people tend to either love ed or izzy and there's so much infighting. meanwhile both of them are my favorite characters 😣
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neriyon · 2 months
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∙ Basics ∙
Name: Hawu'li Puu Nickname(s): No one's really came up with anything (me included) Age: 23 Nameday: 17th Sun of the 4th Umbral Moon (17.8) Race: Keeper of the Moon Miqo'te Gender: Male Orientation: Gayyyy Profession: Warrior of Light / travelling healer
∙ Physical Aspects ∙
Hair: Lavender purple and pretty fluffy. The turquoise part of his bangs is dyed, and needs to be redone regularily. Eyes: Bright yellow Skin: White with pink undertone Tattoos/Scars: White, slightly curved "dots" next to his eyes, three on each side. No notable scars - he's very diligent in healing any big hurts after battle.
∙ Family ∙
Parents: - Mother, Hawu Puu. Matriarch of the Puu family. Alive and well, strictly leading her family back in Shroud. Hawu'li visits her, but rather rarely. - Never met his father, nor know anything about him. It's uncertain if he even knows he has a kid. Siblings: - 2 older brothers, Hawu'a and Hawu'to. Hawu'a lives back in Shroud and hunts for a living, while Hawu'to is a researcher in Old Sharlayan. - Grand total of 5 older and 2 younger sisters. Three of the older sisters left home after adulthood to start their own families, the rest of them live with their mother and help provide for the family. Grandparents: Mostly unknown. Hawu sometimes talked about her mother (Hawu'li's maternal grandmother), but she had passed away before Hawu'li was even born. Other: - Draevoux "Drae" Chevalier and Nana Chevalier, elezen couple who are both his (currently retired) co-wols and "roommates". - Varying lineup of partners. He's poly with multiple partners and I've yet to make a solid list of them all since they change all the time. Aymeric and G'raha are the two I mention most. Pets: Carby the Carbuncle. Hawu'li's uh, not that good with names. Carby is your avarage ruby carbuncle, but is around pretty much 24/7. Often refered to as Hawu'li's "emotional support carbuncle", since it's jobs include keeping him calm when he is left alone.
∙ Skills ∙
Abilities: Strong affinity with healing magic and the ability to hear the elementals, making him a formidable white mage. When situation calls for destruction rather than healing, he's also well versed in the art of summoning, and has been known to call upon demi-Bahamut when feeling truly desperate. Hobbies: Cooking, reading and singing. Also likes to mend stuff (patch holes, fix broken furniture) and read stories to kids (usually his sisters')
∙ Traits ∙
Most Positive Trait: Seemingly endless positivity. For someone who's job is to kill gods and see people get hurt on daily basis he's somehow still sure Things Will Be Better, and that deep down everyone has the potential to change for the better. Most Negative Trait: Separation anxiety. From some deepest parts of his soul comes a crippling fear of being left alone. At it's worst, he'll go into full blown panic attack in fifteen or so minutes after losing sight of others. At it's best (mostly after EW) he'll survive with only Carby as his company for almost half a day.
∙ Likes ∙
Colors: Purples, turquoise, most pastels and bright colors Smells: Freshly baked things, forest, lilies, apples baked with cinnamon Textures: Running fingers through silky hair. Wood, fur and silk. Rocks smoothed over by water. Drinks: Tea (any), milk, blackcurrant juice, mulled wine
∙ Other details ∙
Smokes: Nope Drinks: Only in company Drugs: Nuh-uh Mount Issuance: Koivu, his beloved lavender chocobo companion. Disinterested in almost everything, but happily follows any command given by his owner in exchange of some tasty treats. Been Arrested: Surprisingly, only once - in Ishgard, on suspicion of heresy along with Alphi and Tataru. (Drae took the msq spot of fighting for Tataru's freedom)
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Seen this tag game around a lot lately, and I wanted in on the fun despite not being tagged. Took a lot longer to fill than I thought, so we'll see if I have the energy to fill this for other ocs too.
If you want to do it too, go for it! ♪(´▽`) It takes a while, but is very fun to fill~
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mikesmelodrama · 10 months
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you know the fic is gonna suck when there's a million tags and the description says something like "everyone is a gay disaster hehe :3"
#SPEAKING MY TRUTH#i am gay but not everyone has to be. especially if it's in the 80s#this is just about stranger things btw#like max isn't nonbinary and pansexual in fucking 1986#also it's just plain boring if EVERYONE is perfect and EVERYONE is together#we need to pay more credit to platonic relationships#i don't wanna see “ugh you two are so gay haha”#THIS ISN'T HEARTSTOPPER and the tv show was awful btw#its 2023 can we just NOT.#i love all u fic writers but if i see fucking will byers/lucas sinclair/vecna/gareth whatever in the tags...#this is just a rant for legal reasons i didn't mean any of that#as a gay person it just comes off very pride-y and the whole point of a fic shouldn't be really bad gay jokes#BILLY ISN'T AN EBOY#AND HIM AND EDDIE AND STEVE SHOULDN'T BE JOKING ABOUT HOW THEY HAVE THREESOMES#and oh BOY can we talk about when everyone has a group chat.#willy woo: mikey poo i love you so much#maxipad: omg u guys are so gross🥺🥺#willy woo: o-omg i-i meant to sent that to mikey#mikey poo: you're so cute kitten 😈#willy woo: *blushes* t-t-t-t-thank you🥺#LIKE SHUT UP#GET OFF AO3 YOU BELONG ON WATTPAD#WERE YOU BORN IN 2015#anyways shoutout to the writers who can do complex characters and write stories where theres conflict#and not everyone is perfect and there's issues and miscommunication and NOT EVERYONE IS TOGETHER#i love you people who write el as single#i love you people who write mike as someone who as actual struggles besides not kissing willy woo 1727382992 times#and i hate you everyone who spells jonathans name wrong. “jonathon” or “johnathan” OMFG NO#i'm a hater to my core but OBVIOUSLY if you just wanna write something cute or heartstopper-y do do. i am not stopping you#anyone who puts their writing on the internet don't let ANYONE stop you bc THEY don't like it. what matters is that you do. love u
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dormont · 2 months
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emery did a tier list of legendaries and mythicals and i wanted to give my own but now im realizing that i'm just completely apathetic to most legendaries
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skrunksthatwunk · 1 month
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found out that rascal's owner took him again while i was out, and he's probably not gonna be back since the semester's almost over. i don't even know if his owner's coming back next semester, if i'll ever see him again. if he'll ever see me again. why do they wait until im not around to do this? why do they never let me say goodbye to him?
#i didnt really get to process it bc i found out when i was hanging w a friend but. im processing it now#sigh.. i dont know. i dont know.#at the end of the day he is and has always been someone else's cat. i can't control what she does with him#no matter what i think of it. she can always take him away. but every time it happens im just. im tired yknow?#it's worth it to me to have him around. i love him dearly and i want him to be in a home where he's actually cared for (which i have done my#best to provide) but he's just. not mine. and every time it happens i back up and think man. im such a sucker.#i don't think people manipulate me often. not in an ongoing way i mean. i don't think ppl see me as valuable enough to most of the time.#but damn. she really found my weak spots didn't she. free petcare courtesy of one chump who can't live without animals around. sigh#he deserves stability but he deserves love more. this weird shared custody thing is better for him i think. and frankly i also love him.#im not the priority here but my feelings are like. there. him being taken away without even telling me first hurts. i'd like to be able to#say goodbye to him. im not saying he has to stay or this has to go on but couldn't they just.. consider my feelings a bit more?#just bc you're fine with dropping your cat off somewhere for weeks not knowing when you'll see him again and not visiting doesn't mean i am#and i kind of feel like my roommate is part of this. after all it's not like his owner can just break into our room and take him#and if im always out when they do it there's a chance roomie's just shipping him off whenever she gets sick of him.#she's done it before. even after she agreed so vehemently with me about never wanting him to go back to such treatment and stuff early on.#she's been spraying him for little reason lately too. and i mean i get being a little more cautious with some things bc her neck's broken#but she's really fixated on how much he smells and bites and stuff and talks about how if i wasn't around she'd consider eating him#and then other times she's like that's my pookie. i don't get it. like yeah i tell rascal to fuck off sometimes bc he hurts me but it's not#like a hateful thing. i dont resent him for it i'm just annoyed sometimes bc he's maiming me a little. he's my baby. how could i loathe him?#so it makes me think that roomie might be blaming his transfers on his owner bc she doesn't want me to judge her#and like. this is her room too. it's not her fault she's more bothered by the smell than me. if she doesn't want to be bitten and clawed all#the time i can sympathize. i don't wanna force her to house him. but i wish she'd just be honest with me i guess#like. what if his owner decides to give him away without telling me? i'd take him in in a heartbeat. even though i know it's a bad idea.#but i'm worried he'll fall out of my reach completely. and at the very least I'd like to be able to say goodbye first. that's all.
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