#i dont even care if the numbers are unreadable i want them so bad

[terushimas-n1-hater]

𝙨𝙩𝙪𝙘𝙠 𝙞𝙣 𝙡𝙤𝙫𝙚 ٭

𝐭𝐢𝐦𝐞𝐬𝐤𝐢𝐩 𝐨𝐢𝐤𝐚𝐰𝐚 𝐱 𝐟𝐞𝐦!𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫

Genre: kind of fluffy but its mostly angst

Warnings: toxic (abusive??) parents, arranged marriages, toxic relationships.

!Timeskip spoilers!

Playlists I listened to while writing this

"Good job..you did great out there."  You said with a hand on his shoulder.

"Ah" he smiled "thank you for your support, without you and many others I would've never won so, thank you"

He said with genuine smile on his face. He got closer to the sofa, he sat down letting out a long sigh "oh" he said as if he remembered something.

"Hey! Do you have a minute?"

"Yeah i guess"

"Okay okay here, i got you something."

he said handing you a bag "u- um thank you?" You're confused yet curious looking inside the bag you see a little box, it looked like a jewellery box...but why would he buy you jewellery? all you did was praise him and help him go through the tiring days because of training for the Olympics, so why would he buy you something expensive?

"You look curious, why don't you open it and see it for yourself." He said looking at you with a soft look. You took the box out of the bag opening it, What a gift....

It looks so beautiful

It was a pretty looking necklace. Its gold and Choker like with pretty little stars that go all around it. You remember wanting a necklace like this..

How did he know you wanted something like this?

Is this a coincidence?

You dont even talk to him that much?

What is he on exactly?

You looked at him and looked at the box again "uh..I saw you last month and how you were looking at that same necklace, it looked like you wanted it so um i got it for you" he said smiling softly

"But why? Is this out of pity or something?" You said with a confused face "what! Of course not! do..do you not like it?" "No no! I like it but its just kinda random.. since I didn't really do anything to deserve a gift like this.." You said sighing.

Your story with tooru was long.

You never wanted to marry a man. In fact the thought alone of a man's touch made you nauseous beyond all belief. But he.....wasn't any different from any other man you've always wanted to avoid. But with parents like yours, the moment they found out about your thoughts they completely lashed out on you saying that all those feelings and thoughts are not expected in their household. And Forcing you to marry a man that you never saw or knew about before in your life. I mean he wasn't mean to you never laid a hand on you.

But still, It didn't feel right.

You felt captured, you felt stuck in a dead end. Like there was no where else to go. Being a housewife for almost 2 years now made you fall in many depressive episodes. And he knew that, he knew so so well about all the depressive episodes you were in, He knew it all. He tried to help you, but there was nothing for him to do since he himself doesn't know you or anything about you.

Which made it harder for the both of you to understand each others struggles. He never forced you to stay inside the house and do stuff for him like how your parents want you to. He let you free, let you do what you want. There is nothing else for him to do. In fact the both of you thought about getting a divorce, but you both knew that both your parents would not let that happen. Although yes you both had something somewhat in common, you both loved space.

You specifically loved stars. And you could guess that he caught up with your love for stars. You wore a lot clothing and jewellery that had something with stars or space. He thought it was cute, so when he saw you looking at this very pretty necklace he knew you wanted it.

"First its not out if pity and second i got it for you since i kinda knew you liked stuff like this.." 

"Thank you tooru I really appreciate it."

I mean who wouldn't appreciate a gift like this?you loved and valued this gift but something just doesn't feel right with tooru honestly.. But it was just a gut feeling so you decided to just ignored it.

Again, tooru isn't the type that would keep you in his house and order you around. So you had many opportunities to get outside and have some fun you get me? Almost every weekend you'd get yourself all dolled up and go out with your friends For a little night out.

This not only made you happy and made you forget about all the shit you were going through, but it gives you a chance to do other fun things if you know what i mean. Hear me out, you knew it was wrong, so wrong actually. But it won't hurt anyone right? I mean tooru doesn't actually like you so, why not?

You did this with many people you meet at the club, specifically women. You loved it honestly. It made you feel more open and more happy about yourself. You didn't feel as captured as you used to, it was just great.

It was one of those nights again, you were laughing and chatting with one of your friends wearing (dress/suit wtv you prefer)

You felt so confident and happy. Moments later Your friend excused themselves to go to the bathroom, you nodded as they went to the bathroom. You were leaning on the bar and drinking your drink looking at the people on the dance floor drunkenly grinding and dancing together. You looked around to see this very pretty lady admiring you with a soft smile on her face, You smiled a bit while getting closer to her.

"Is there something on my face?" You asked with a cheeky smile

"No..i just thought you look pretty"

"Oh?"

"Very actually.." You giggled at that statement.

You and....aiko chatted for a pretty long time you kinda forgot about your friend. Aiko, aiko..what a pretty name, You were so interested in this girl honestly all you wanted to do is sit there and know all about her.

"What a pretty necklace you got there!" She said pointing at the necklace tooru gave to you.

"Oh! Yeah my.. brother gave it to me as a gift."

"Aww"

You both chatted for a while more and exchanged phone numbers

"Dont forget to text me!!" She said waving at you and blowing you a lil kiss.

You smiled and sighed, its probably time to go home.

You were looking for your friend to tell them that its time to leave, you took out your phone to call them and to know where they are until you saw you got some unread messages from them.

"Oooo ;)"

"Yall better make out after this."

"Okay I kinda ship bye"

"ANYWAYS..I'm going to leave this nasty azz club and leave ya too alone *wink wonk* "

"Love you AND DONT FORGET TO TEXT ME WHEN  YOUR HOME"

You smiled at the text messages. You really did appreciate having a friend like them..But, its time to head home now before it gets even more late. You paid for your drinks took your stuff on your way out.

You finally got back home, tooru was sleeping on your shared bed so now you have be extra careful not to wake him up.

After you changed and got ready for bed. Already texted your Friend letting them know you went home safely.

"Are you free this Tuesday?"

You just got a message from someone with the name "your bbg 😻" you chuckled remembering Akio saved here contact name on your phone that.

"Yeah i am!"

"Great wanna hang out? There is this café I went to before THEY SELL THE BEST BAGELS EVER"

"Oh sure!"

"Okay i will send you the location to the café tmr kk?"

"Okay goodnight bbg 😻"

"LMAO GOODNIGHT 💖💝💗💓❤"

.

.

.

¡A/n! : okay so ahm ahm I wrote this in a pretty bad mental state so, if there is errors or spelling mistakes OR ITS JUST BAD I apologise. But I do hope you enjoy this as much as I enjoyed thinking and writing about it!! I will be making a part 2 to finish this because I just realised that if I finish this all at once it would be a wattpad story type long lmaooo. Thank u and have a great dayy (ﾉ´ з `)ノ💕💞💓💗💖💝

[gvf-imagine]

Part 2

warnings:  none

word count: 4705

summary: you get a text from dreamy rock singer Josh Kiszka whom youve just met at a live show and he wants to see you tonight!

tag list: @satingrass-maidensfair @karrotkate @kakarla @love-philautia @elliestrawberries @shesdigging @callmekane @supersonic-darling @jimmypagesandbrianmayshair @justacollegestudentyay

A\N: Loved writing this chapter! I hope you all enjoy it and like always any feedback is welcome and appriciated 

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Your friend hurried back to the table.

“What happened?!” she asked, her expression hungry for details. You simply shrug.

“He invited me to their next show at some college party…..he invited you too , oh and I gave him my number” you say with a melancholy tone. Your friends' eyes were wide.

“Why do you sound depressed??” she questions

“Why are you not freaking out like me?” she adds.

“He has a girlfriend” you say, taking another drink of your lemonade.

“God I wish there was alcohol in this” you chime again, mostly to yourself.

“Ok he has a girlfriend BFD he can't like her that much if he asked you for your number” she said with a satisfied shrug.

“Yeah that's just it, I don't wanna be the reason he leaves her. I mean we literally just met like what? Twenty minutes ago? And who knows how long he's been with her” you ramble. Your friend shakes her head

“Listen, whatever happens between them is NOT your problem. If he'd leave her for a girl he just met twenty minutes ago then clearly their relationship is already trash” she states. You look at her blankly for a moment before rolling your eyes.

“You just like the drama” you retort with an eventual smile. She nods proudly as she takes another sip of her drink

“I do! AND I like the guitarist so we're going to that show at that party” she decides. You chuckle and shake your head. Honestly you were excited to hear and see him again, you really really were and it's not like you guys were gonna make out or anything. You had no plans on doing anything that would jeopardize his current relationship, the two of you were just friends so far, not even friends, just acquaintances. Being an acquaintance sounded far better than being a home-wrecking hussy.

“That reminds me” you say, settling the storm of thoughts in your mind. Your friend looked up at you.

“Josh said that Jake, that guitarist you're in love with, was staring at you the whole show”  you proclaim readying yourself for the deafening overzealous girl-ish shriek that was sure to be escaping her perfectly glossed lips at any moment.

“WHAT??!” she yelled, her aura flashed at you like the aftershock of an atom bomb.l her face lit up with excitement and yours winced with the pain of her shriek ringing in your ears.

“Sorry I said anything” you reply but it falls on deaf ears.

“Oh my god what will I wear??” she asks her eyes darting off in thought.

“Wear two stamps and Saltine cracker for all I care , just don't get your hopes up about mr. wonderful there, boys in bands aren't really known for their long healthy relationships, more like short, shameful one night stands” you say.

“Yeah I don't care” she replies quickly. You smile, of course she doesn't. You can't help but feel differently about Josh, somehow you knew he wasn't like that. Maybe that was just you getting your own hopes up. He seemed genuine but you had only just met him so you couldn't really make a fair call yet. The rest of that day was full of water, sunshine, and lingering thoughts of two boys you hardly knew.

The next day was completely different, weather-wise at least. Dark, heavy clouds hung over your town like a horrendous guilt. A, what seemed to be never ending, shower of rain fell to the ground turning every home and business in Silver City, Michigan  into a lakefront property.

“Its about time you woke up” your friend smiles as you join her in the living room. She hands you a hot cup of tea, both of you still wore your pajamas which consisted of cotton shorts and old oversized t-shirts. The sound of rain dancing on the large window made you sleepy again, noting a huge crack of thunder and lightning couldn't solve though. Your body jolted in response to the loud boom. Your friend simply laughed and took another sip of her steaming beverage, smelled like vanilla chamomile.

“Shut up” you report playfully elbowing her in the ribs. You looked at your phone, you forgot you had turned it on silent last night. There was one unread message from a random number. Butterflies took flight against the walls of your stomach.

Josh.

You hated the fact that you couldn't help but blush and grin at the thought of him.

He has a girlfriend

He has a girlfriend

He has a girlfriend

You chanted to yourself in incantation before refocusing and reading his message.

J: Hey, it's me! I hope you had a good rest of your day yesterday, sorry for the late text, I had to wait till my girl fell asleep to talk to you…

Your heart sinks. You felt so bad for his girlfriend, it's not nice of Josh to go behind her back BUT there are always two sides to every story and who knows maybe she's talking to another guy behind his back. Your thoughts flew around your mind like fireflies. You shook your head and watched them scatter out of your ears and disappear into nothing.

Y: hey Josh! I'm glad to hear from you, so when's that party?

You decide to completely ignore the fact of his girlfriend and ask about the show instead, you'd like to talk to him more about his relationship because clearly he wasn't very happy in it, but it wasn't your place to ask.

J: 343 university Dr. we play at seven but well be there around five, so does this mean you're coming?

Y: yeah well be there, my friend would drag me by my hair if I didn't want to go lol but she won't have to

J: well that's good news for your hair, its too pretty to be pulled around…..like that anyway

The butterflies made their way all throughout your body. Did he just compliment you? It felt so good to hear him say that, it made you feel like a little giggly school girl with a crush. On the other hand you couldn't stop wondering if he'd said the same to his girlfriend today or who knows maybe there's other girls. You signed and slump down in your seat. Why was this eating you alive? You really honestly didn't even know him that well. You didn't know his last name, his favorite color, if he'd ever broken a bone. All you knew was he was a boy in a band, with a beautiful voice and a face to match. You felt the butterflies melt into a warmth as thoughts of him filled your head.

Y: josh…

J: I know i'm sorry, I just… I can't help it. I'm usually not like this but I just feel pulled towards you..

Somehow you knew exactly what he was trying to say, you felt the same way. The two of you were magnetized towards each other. You needed to be in his life one way or another and you just might have to put your better judgement aside and let temptation take the wheel.

Y: I know, it's okay. You're really sweet and I appreciate that. I'm really glad we met Josh

J:Im glad we did too and I feel like we met for a reason, I have to go rehearse with the guys now, but i'll talk to you as soon as I can… maybe I can come see you tonight?

Come see you tonight? What does that mean? What would we do? What would he tell his girlfriend? You didn't know what to say, hopefully he would be too busy at rehearsal to have any free time tonight.

Y: sure, if you're not busy you can stop by, just call me or something, hopefully ill still be awake ha ha. If no then i'll see you at the show…. Bye Josh :)

J: haha ok bye y/n

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*later that evening*

“So you're going to let him come over tonight right??” your friend prys as the two of you walked through the mall. You rolled your eyes, as you often did around her.

“How did you even know about that?” you asked, swinging your bags as you walked. She looked down

“I may have just quickly skimmed through your texts while you were in the shower” she chimed with an innocent smile. You glared at her but couldn't hold back your laugh.

“Youre so fucking nosy” you reply shoving her gently. She smirks with a slight cock of her head.

“I dont go through your phone” you add. Her face goes blank

“Yeah well my love life isn't as exciting as yours right now, my phone’s dryer that the sahara” she responds with her usual quick wit.

“Well what about Jake, he might like you” you suggest.

“Yeah he MIGHT and I dont have his phone number so I cant talk to him” she argues.

“We’ll get it at the party don't worry” you reassure. She sighs and drops her shoulders.

“Yeah and so will every other girl within a mile radius” she retorts.

“Hey there were plenty of girls at the water park yelling his name but he only had eyes for you” you respond, you can tell what you said made her feel slightly better.

“Yeah well I guess we'll see, he is really cute though…. I'm totally getting his number” she chirps decidedly. You knew she would, it never takes much coaxing for her to want to get a guy's number, usually she didn't have to ‘get’ them, guys practically threw their numbers at her. I've gotta hand it to her this time though, Jake is a good looking gman.

Just then your phone rings, you look down and see Josh’s name flashing on the screen.

“oh shitting hell it's him!” you say looking at your friend like a deer in headlights.

“Well what are you out of your mind?? ANSWER IT!” she demands as she grabs your hand making you put your phone against your face.

“Hi, Josh” you say, shooing her hand away.

“Hey! I wasn't sure if you were going to answer” he says, you can tell a smile is beaming on his face.

“Yeah sorry my hands are kinda full and I had to dig in my bag for my phone” you lied. Your  hands were only carrying one bag, they were hardly full, and your phone was already in your hand as well. You didn't want Josh to know you were too nervous to answer right away and your friend had to basically force feed the phone to you.

“Oh well, i'm done with rehearsal.. What are you up to?” he asks, he must have JUST got done with practice because you can hear him and who you assume is the rest of the band fumbling with some equipment in the background.

“Oh me and y\f\n are just at the mall, well we're leaving now, we just wanted to pick up some new outfits for..” your voice trails. Shit. you did not want him to know you were here getting new clothes for his show, that would give him a big ego.

For christs sake y\n make something up QUICK BEFORE-

“For what?” he questions, his voice interrupting you from your panicked thoughts.

Fuck.

“Ummm for …. A birthday party! Yeah next weekend, her cousin's birthday party. Its gonna be on a boat at the lake so we wanted to get some beach appropriate attire” you say, what a shit-headed fucking lie, really? A birthday party? On a boat??? Josh simply laughs

“Birthday party huh? Sounds like a good time” he's smiling again.

“Well I hope you have fun.. So you wanna get together tonight?” he asks getting right to the elephant in the room. You pause and look at your friend who nods so hard you thought she was going to slip a disc in her spine.

“Aren't you really busy? You're in a band you must have like no free time to hangout with  me” you say prolonging your answer.

“Well no I don't have much free time, but i'm freeing up my time...for you” he responds. His words were so sweet but so hard to hear and they made you feel both happy and conflicted at the same time.

“I'll bring Jake,” he adds.

Your friend snatches your phone when she hears this.

“Yes! Lets hangout! Our address is 1342 sunfield st. Why don't you guys stop over, let's say,in  an hour!” she chimes cheerfully. You can hear Josh’s voice responding but cant make out what he's saying.

“Awesome see you guys soon!” she says once more before hanging up the phone. You just stand there looking at her with zero expression on your face.

“You'll thank me later” she remarks, tossing you your phone and continuing through the mall.

“Come on slowpoke we gotta get date ready!” she bounces up and down grabbing your hand pulling you along. You were really excited to see Josh again, nervous as hell, but excited nonetheless. What were you going to wear?

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The two of you finally returned back to your house, your friend made a bee-line for her room, you did the same. You stood hopelessly in front of your closet.

“God I have nothing to wear!” you holler to your friend.

“You can borrow something of mine,” she offers. You hear her shuffling through her drawers, she's probably ripping through her clothes.  With a quick pace you made your way to her room.

“What should I wear?” you ask looking through her clothes she's already tossed aside.

“I haven't the faintest idea, I guess it depends on what we're going to do. Maybe wear something practical? Multi-purpose” she suggests. No help. You grab a pair of ripped skinny jeans and a black tank top that had a red floral pattern. This'll do. Sauntering back to your room you slip the outfit on and look at yourself in the mirror. Thank god you and her were basically the same size. Now all that was left was the matter of your hair and makeup. You decided to go with something simple, you didn't want to look like you were trying to impress him (even though you were). You tied your hair into a high pony-tail leaving a few strands down in the front to frame your face.

With gentle and effortless precision you put on your eyeliner, it really brings out your eyes and makes your cheekbones look nice. Usually that was the only makeup you wore, but tonight, you decided to put on some lipstick for good measure, a nice natural blush color. You smile at your reflection, which rarely ever occurred.

“You look great!” your friend's voice fills the air, light pink waves crashing over hot sand, you watch as the waves echo out of your bedroom window.

You turn to look at her, she's wearing a knee length sky blue spaghetti strap dress, it was simple and pretty and fit her frame perfectly. She wore a pair of white doc martens to top off her soft grunge look, her hair was down and barely touched her shoulders.

“What happened to ‘wear something practical’”? You question with a grin.

“To hell with it, I need to look irresistible” she answers.

“Well you do, I love that dress” you respond. There was a knock on the door, you and y\f\n looked at each other before the both of you  scurried excitedly to the door.

“Oh wait wait WAIT” you exclaim in a hushed yell as you ran into the bathroom, you grabbed your favorite perfume and spritzed a careful amount over your body.

“Ok go go go” you say as you toss the bottle back on the counter. The two of you rush to the door looking each other over one last time before your friend pulls the door open. In front of you stand Josh  and Jake, both wearing sweet smiles.

“Hey,” Josh says looking at you, his smile grew softer and more sincere the longer he looked at you. You picked up on it and blushed letting out a pathetically soft “hi”

“Come on in” your friend says, opening the door even wider. The boys step inside looking around, taking in their surroundings.

“Nice place, Josh and I share an apartment” Jake states with a soft chuckle

“This is hardly our house, her parents pay our rent” you say nodding toward your friend. She smiles

“Yeah they're loaded! So what do you guys wanna do?” she says quickly. Jake laughs at her remark.

“We thought we could go for a walk, maybe get some ice cream” josh says, more to you than the other two.

“A walk? It's like 10 pm” your friend says a small laugh escaping her lips.

“That's the best time to go” Jake says.

“Don't worry we'll protect you from any robbers” Josh jokes. You smile, you did everytime he looked at you, you couldn't help it he was so pretty.

“Sounds fun” you chime.

“Im 100% getting blue moon” your friend says grabbing her purse

“Oh you don't need that, ill buy” Jake offers, your friend looks at you with a smile.

“My kinda guy” she jokes again. Jake and Josh laugh and you all head out the door. The night air was crisp and clean, the smell of rain still hung in the sky. The ground was damp and the clouds were still looming and dark, but the rain had settled to a light sprinkle. You could smell it all, the droplets that hung off the leaves and the wet earthy dirt they fell onto. It was your absolute favorite smell, it reminded you of fall, which was only a few weeks away. The thought of that made you face burn red as you remembered you told josh that you had a birthday party on a boat to go to in a few weeks not stopping to think about what season it was. Dumbass. There's no way he fell for that.

Jake and your friend trailed slightly behind you and Josh, keeping conversion as they did. You heard them both laugh every few seconds and they seemed to be getting along.

“You look really pretty,” Josh speaks, forcing your attention on him.

“Oh” you smile.

“Thank you, I couldn't really find anything nice to wear, so I had to borrow something of hers” you admit with a laugh.

“You could have worn a trash bag, you'd still look pretty,” he says. His voice was dark and gentle like melted chocolate. His words ripped through you like wind through trees and all you could think about was his girlfriend.

“Can I ask you something?” you question.

“You can ask me anything” he responds, his eyes searching the ground.

“Why are you so nice to me?” you ask, your voice falls a little. Josh looks at you and then a passing car steals his gaze.

“When I first saw you I felt this pressure lift from my shoulders and then I couldn't take my eyes off of you, even if I wanted to I couldn't. You filled my head and I hadn't even spoken to you yet. One look.. And you entranced me…” he says softly.

“There's something between us y/n and I need to know what it is” he speaks again. Both of you had stopped walking by now, Jake and your friend were across the street ordering everyone's ice cream and standing noticeably close. Now that you thought about it, so were you and Josh.

“What about your girlfriend?” you ask, barely able to form words, all you could focus on was his perfect lips and enchanting eyes. You were close enough that you could smell his faint cologne pass your nose with every slight gust of wind. Your mention of his girlfriend didn't seem to phase him at all.

“Things with me and her are complicated, our relationship was set up through our parents and it's just a mess.. A forced mess. She doesn't feel that close to me, I've known you for a day and I've felt more things with you than I've ever felt with her. He explains. He was being honest, it wasn't just a show or him telling you what you want to hear.

“So why don't you just break up with her?” you ask again.

“I've never broken up with anyone before… I don't know how...plus her dad is our band manager and it would just cause a lot of problems” he admits. You understood how he felt, you'd never broken up with anyone either, you've always been on the receiving end of a bad breakup. Jake and y/f/n return, arms full of ice cream.

“Peanut butter cup, your favorite” your friend chimes, handing you a double scoop of the creamy treat stuffed generously into a waffle cone. Waffle cones were amazing, you never understood why anyone got anything else, they were delicious and if you rice cream started to melt it would catch in the diamond shaped waffle divots of the cone and not drip on your clothes. Yummy and practical.

“Thanks” you say, taking a refreshing lick. The four of you walked aimlessly around town, talking and laughing the whole way until you eventually wound up back at your house.

“Wow i cant believe how late it is already” Jake says looking at his phone, which prompted you to do the same.

“Holy shit it's 1am” you say, which was probably a mistake because saying it out loud made you realize how tired you actually are. Josh looks at you  

“Yeah it's late but I don't wanna leave” he admits a smile forms on his sweet face. He looked cute when he was tired.

“....you can stay the night if you'd like” you say nervously tugging at the hem of your shirt. Josh's face lit up

“It is very dangerous to drive while you're tired” your friend comments. Jake smiles and looks at Josh as the four of you walk back inside.

“I'm game” he says plopping down on the couch.

“Yeah I guess we can just crash on the couch” Josh says with a shrug, your friend quickly intervenes.

“Oh no no no this old couch will kill your back, you can sleep in y/n’s room!” she offers. You freeze. In my room? In the same bed? At the same time?

“Right y/n?” your friend speaks again, with a perky tone. Her eyes grow wide, glaring at you for a quick second.

“Oh uh yeah totally, these couches are stone” you say trying to sound nonchalant.

“Jake and I will probably stay up a while, why don't you guys head to bed?” your friend says again. Wow she's really pushing for you two to be together. You laugh at her and once again roll your eyes.

“Yeah, cmon Josh, it's right down the hall” you say, leading him to your room.

He closes the door behind him as the two of you enter. There's a moment of silence.

“You know, I can sleep on the floor if you're not comfortable with this,” he says stuffing his hands nervously in his pockets. It was tempting considering he had a girlfriend already but you  couldn't remember the last time you vacuumed this floor.

“No that's ok, I'm fine with sharing the bed, I wouldn't ask you to sleep on the floor” you say with a chuckle before yawning.

“I'm more tired than I realized” you add , sleep tugging at your eyelids.

“Me too” Josh says stretching. You looked down at what you were wearing. Jeans. Yikes. You can't sleep in jeans.

“Do you want me to leave so you can change?” he asks, reaching for the door handle.

“Um yeah sorta” you giggle shyly, he smiles.

“Just knock when you're ready” he says, stepping out of the room, closing the door softly behind him. You quickly pull your clothes off and toss them in your laundry basket before grabbing light blue pajama shorts that had little red cherries patterned across them, then you grabbed the matching blue tank top and took off your makeup with some wipes you kept in your drawer. You let your hair down and checked yourself in the mirror before knocking twice on the door.

“I'm done” you chime. Josh steps back in, his eyes fall down your body and his facial expression softens.

“Still pretty” he says brushing a piece of hair behind your ear. Your body warms to his touch. It was so gentle and soft, you look down, smiling to yourself.

“Are you gonna change?” you ask realizing he's wearing jeans too.

“Well I usually sleep in my boxers” he says, not breaking eye contact with you.

“That's fine, whatever's comfortable” you reply walking gover to your bed and sliding in. Josh starts to undo his belt and he lets his pants fall to his ankles before stepping out of them and pulling his shirt over his head. His body was a wonderful olive tone and he had a thin trail of  hair that led from his belly button to his… you know.

Your face flushes as you think more about how undeniably sexy he iis. He smiled almost like he could hear your thoughts.

“I'll get the light” he says, switching it off. Then there was darkness. You felt his body slide in bed next to you, immediately warming you. His smooth skin brushed against yours as he turned on his side to face you. His hand lifted to your face and he strokes your cheek with his thumb gracefully.

“This feels….right” his voice breaks the silence and floats in your ears.

“Yeah it does” you admit, he couldn't see it, but you had a huge smile on your face. Your bedroom window is wide open and it began to rain agoian outside, you could hear every droplet splash against the ground and the wind blew gently through the trees. The wind blew through the window sending a chill through your room. You got goosebumps and shook slightly. Instantly Josh wrapped his arm around your side and pulled you into his chest. His delicious cologne still lingering on his body. His warmth and the comfort of his touch had you sleeping almost instantaneously.

“Goodnight y/n” he said softly, his fingers tracing a pattern on your back.

“Goodnight Josh” you reply tiredly. You wondered what Jake and your friend were doing, they must have fallen asleep or were watching a movie because you couldn't hear them in the living room, you fell asleep trying to decide.

You were jolted awake by Josh who jumped out of your bed.

“What's wrong?” you ask as you sit up rubbing your eyes. You could hear him quickly pulling his jeans back on .

“Hey, go back to sleep, I just, I have to go,” he says, putting his shirt on.

“It's your girlfriend isn't it?” you question, he sighs and sits on your bed.

“Yea she called me like twenty times, it's already 10am….I should go” he says reluctantly. You nod, you didn't want him to leave but it really wasn't up to you.

“Okay” you say softly

“Hey….” he says getting closer to you, his fingers gently grab your face and he kisses you passionately. His lips are soft and hungry, he leans over you slightly as if he's trying to savor every last taste of you, but the two of you battle for power, he wins. His thumb strokes your cheek and he pulls away softly, your face still in his hands, your foreheads rested gently against each other’s. His eyes searched yours for forgiveness.

“I'll text you as soon as I can” he assures. You nod as he gets off your bed and heads for the door. He offers you one last smile before he disappears down the hall. You fall back on your pillow with an exhausted sigh. His warmth still imprinted on the sheets and his smell still drifting through the air.

[anandasamsara]

Just ranting for a bit here, bc people wont see it and then i can take things off my chest.

Im feeling really lost. I worked all year to open my store, and then i had the biggest and most challenging commission i ever got (and i only ever got like, 3) to make just as i opened shop. The 2 or 3 days between opening the store and starting the commission, i felt terrible, bc it was like i hit an end and there was nothing after. 

And now im at the same place again. I only feel a spark of excitement over new orders at the store (only five in almost 20 days) and then its over. I feel bored out of my mind, but no idea what to do. I keep having new ideas for new products, but i can’t do that until i get at least half of my investment back, which i can see will take a long while.

I also feel disconnected of everything. I get distracted trying to enjoy my hobbies, sidetracked and ignored in conversations with more than one friend at the same time, fully ignored and discarded in other friend groups. Im tired of being stuck inside while my parents go out as if nothing was really that bad. Im angry that they get to see people and i cant see any of my friends bc my family is putting me in risk, and i will not put anyone else in risk bc of it.

I did see 2 friends the past 2 weeks. My bro came here to get his things that he bought from my store and another artist’s one that we bought together, but i saw him for less than a minute and he was off. We barely talked, i couldnt touch him bc of his health issues. Yesterday i saw my last crush and friend from uni for the same reason, but he hugged me immediatelly. I was almost panicking, but it felt soo good to finally hug someone after so long. We talked for a while trading problems and ideas and making plans to see each other again when it all ends. But that was it.

Then i got home and mom came with news that my baby cousin’s birthday party will be at his godfather’s place, the other side of the next city, and they want me to go. We dont have a car, we dont have 300 bucks for the there and back uber, and i wont risk public transportation. Fight number one has already happened, and i can only imagine how many more will come.

I’m starting to feel like everything is pointless. Even my most dedicated friends are getting fed up with it all and starting to let go and go out and such. I had to go get some things from a courrier service and mom went with me, convinced me to eat at a restaurant, then got mad at me bc i was having a panic attack bc some guys were fully and loudly ignoring all safety precautions in place. People are getting this mentality of “if i die, i die”, but no one stops to think how many more they’re taking with them. I dont want this to happen to anyone, particularly me, and i dont know what i’d do if i accidentally let it happen to someone i care about bc of me, or my family. If my bro catches it somehow, and i have an inkling that i might be responsible, i dont know what i’d be capable of, truly. 

And yet, im anxious to see them, to hug everyone, or to just be in proximity. Im terrible at staying in contact over only online means, im not really part of any group. I dont have anything to talk about. The last messages between me and my friends are mostly me trying to find something to talk about and it falling to the void of unread or ignored messages, i guess. I dont know how to keep in touch with people anymore. I probably never knew.

I think the only other time i felt so lonely was when i broke my foot in 2011. I couldnt walk for 6 full months, and eventually everyone got tired of me. It was when i started using tumblr, when i learned english, gotten into fanfic, bc there was nothing else to do and no one else to talk to. This time around i turned to art, but apparently even that has a limit, as my right arm starts hurting the more hours i keep at it.

And this all is only part of my problems, but i guess i’ll stop here.

[silverjirachi]

ok so like i wanna be real with you about what being a writer/artist/anyone who posts content on the internet is like sometimes, especially from the perspective of someone who has anxiety/depression etc

so on the one hand there’s that (and this has been said before) some of this art is shared with you, not for you. sometimes we make stuff just for us, but then we post it because we’re proud of it and it made us happy and we want it to make other people happy as well.

and then this thing we make that we’re proud of that we wanted to share for other people to see seems like it falls into the silent abyss of cyberspace and no one responds and you question whether it matters at all. and suddenly the thing you shared and were proud of becomes something you question if it was really as good as you thought it was, or if rather by posting it you’re being annoying and the people who like/reblog/comment/engage with any of the things you make in any capacity are only doing it because they feel bad for you.

on top of that, then you get afraid to question/talk about it or open up about how you feel because you think it will come off as narcissitic or attention-seeking. so you stay silent and make the next thing and the same thing happens and the cycle repeats itself.

for example, those of you who watch my videos (thank you!), you probably notice that i make a lot of self-deprecating humor. part of this is just who i am as a person. but the other part is because half of the time i do actually struggle with those beliefs and the “haha this is trash content” is very real. sometimes if i’m in a really bad place i have to fight about three different internal voices telling me that i should stop because no one cares and i’m being annoying and i have a screechy voice and by sharing this i’m just reminding people how bad i am etc etc etc. i’m not saying this for you to say “oh no your content isnt trash you’re wonderful” every time i make one of those jokes or talk about this, i’m just telling you that sometimes it is what it is and i don’t need sympathy for it, it just happens, and i have to fight against it personally a lot

the same goes for writing etc etc. I dont post my art on here but from what i’ve seen lately about the HUGE gap between likes and reblogs for artists on here, i know they struggle with it as well. and some of them really need that kind of exposure because they’re trying to make art a career, they need to take in commissions and every reblog is a better chance for that to happen. we work on multiple platforms oftentimes to try to get the word out but that doesnt mean it’s always effective and that the same shit doesnt happen there too. it does. always.

then there’s the thing like... we post it online because we want it to be shared. we want it to be seen. and due to a variety of factors ranging from fucked up algorithms to just people “lurking” vs. leaving likes/comments/reblogs, sometimes or oftentimes it’s not seen and that’s for me when the questioning begins. and i ask myself if i complain about this am i annoying and begging for attention? but here’s the thing guys.. most artists dont WANT to do art in a vaccuum. If they do, they don’t share it. That’s why i don’t post a lot of my drawings. Thats more just for me. But stuff like writing and other content that I HAVE posted, and same for any writer or creator, has inherently passed that threshold. We want engagement, we want it to be seen, so yes, we want attention. And that isnt a bad thing because that art needs an audience and we want it to have one.

When we share things, we want you to see it and we want you to engage with it. We want to make you happy, we want to make you think, we want to entertain you. We want to make a difference in your life, even if just a small and momentary difference. But it is impossible for us to reach through the screen and see you. When I do live theatre, I can see and feel my audience so I can tell how they’re feeling and reacting and it’s great. But I imagine if I tried to do a one-person-show behind a one-way curtain without hearing or seeing the audience or even being able to tell if there is an audience at all, it would probably be a very different, and really sucky, experience, and that’s what posting content on the internet is like.

That’s why it makes writers’ and artists’ day when we get comments on our work. That is the only way we are able to tell that we reached through the screen. Even if it’s dumb, even if it’s incoherent, even if you think you’re being annoying, really, more often than not, the simplest comment can really make us feel that way. Because of everything I just mentioned above. All we wanna do is make you happy, entertain you, give you the joy our art gave us, and it’s scary and uncertain when you send it out there, and even more scary and uncertain when you hear little to nothing back.

I also have compared this to when I used to teach a class of 90 students. It was a gen ed theatre course and teaching it genuinely sucked ass for much the same reason. I also just get really stressed out teaching. But when you’re teaching a big class like that, you look out and see any number of faces with expressions ranging from “bored,” “on the phone,” “interested,” “awake,” to completely unreadable. And the completely unreadable ones are the worst. Posting stuff on the internet is like teaching a class full of completely anonymous, completely unreadable students.

But, in the same vein, in every class i taught, there was always a small handful of people who seemed genuinely interested in the topic. They’d raise their hands, ask questions, go above and beyond for assignments. I still think about the students in my classes from years ago who seemed like they enjoyed being there, or at the very least tried a little bit more than everyone else. They were a beacon of hope that what I was doing and saying mattered. So when I got scared of those bored, unreadable faces, I’d look to the two or three people who I knew cared, and it gave me courage to keep going. It was like I was teaching the class just for them.

Getting comments, reblogs, any equivalent of engagement on any platform is like having those interested students. When creators talk about their audience being the best part of what they do, it really is the truth. Because a lot of time everything else can be scary and uncertain and suck. And so then sometimes even when those hateful inner voices are getting the best of me, I do it for the one or two people in my class who make my day of teaching brighter when I see them. So to any of you who engage with artists, writers, and creators in any way- seriously we do it just for you sometimes, and you have no idea how much even the tiniest poke through the screen means to us.

This was a lot longer than I intended it to be but yeah I just kind of needed to get it all out of me because it’s personally been something i’m struggling with right now, and I know others do too. And again this not to say like “NEH NEH NEH WHY ARENT I GETTING ATTENTION” but just to be upfront about what it’s like so that you on the other side of screen understand that you do make a difference and can also have a positive effect on our lives, the same way we want to have one for you.

[milkchu]

❝anyway the wind blows❞ ♔ thirteen.

Summary: (Y/N) Mercury’s journey of love, fame, and pain, alongside what would become one of the most legendary bands ever, Queen.

Pairing: Borhap!Queen x Reader, eventual Brian May x Reader

Warnings: just a hint of angst.

⇦ previous chapter // next chapter ⇨

“I’m not even hurt by the fact that she’s let me go as a friend. But you can only be there so much for a person.”

“And so, Mr. Prenter, all these stories about (Y/N) Mercury and her lovers… that there were so many. Is it really true?”

“Yes, it is. Her lovers were countless.”

You stare blank-faced at the television, thinking, of course he would do this. But, you didn’t care. Not even one bit.

“So, you really did see what was behind the mask?”

Not wanting to hear any more of it, you grabbed the telephone from the table beside you and dialed a number you should have before, “Hello?”

“Miami?” You said, almost croaking.

Jim raised his brows up, definitely not expecting a phone call from you, “(Y/N)? How are you?”

“There was this Africa concert… that wants Queen to play. Is that still…”

“You mean Live Aid?” Jim leaned back in his chair, sighing, “They’ve announced all the bands, (Y/N). It’s too late.”

“I need… I need to reconnect with the mothership,” You said softly.

“(Y/N), they don’t want anything to do with you. They’re still very upset.”

Feeling your chest ache a little bit, you continued, “Maybe if you ask them… they would meet me. Tell them I want to talk. Just talk.”

Tears glossed over your eyes, you managed to let out, “We’re family.”

“You know, family have fights… all the time.”

“I can call.”

“Thank you… Jim.”

Looking back towards the television before ending the call, you heard the interviewer ask, “How would you describe her on the inside as a person?”

Paul scoffed, “For me, (Y/N) will always be this frightened little girl who’s afraid to be alone.”

Next thing you know you were sitting on one of the seats in Miami’s office, tapping your fingers on the armrest, patiently waiting. For the first time.

You tried to occupy yourself and avoid the uncomfortable feeling in your stomach by fixing your hair, fiddling with the hem of your black dress, or adjusting your leather jacket.

You looked towards Miami, who was carefully watching you the whole time, “Where are they?”

“They’re late.”

Nodding at his sentence, you couldn’t help but let a small smile grace your lips, almost chuckling at the thought. But your thoughts were soon interrupted by knocks on the glass door.

You quickly let out a breath and adjusted your position, before looking up to the three, Brian coming in first. Miami greeted, “Hi, guys.”

“Jim,” Brian acknowledged before he looked towards you, his face unreadable. Though the sight of him, especially after not seeing him for so long, never fails to make your heart beat faster than normal. Roger came in after, a glare hidden under his sunglasses, while John simply looked at his feet.

“If anybody wants any tea, coffee, bladed weapons… just ask.”

The three took their seats, Brian letting out a sigh as he sat nearest to you.

“So…” Miami started, “Who wants to go first?”

Staring at the coffee table, you spoke up, “I’ll start.”

“I’ve been hideous. I know that, and… I deserve your fury. I’ve been conceited, selfish…” You tried to look for more words but just decided on, “Well, an asshole, basically.”

“Strong beginning,” Roger retorted.

“Look, I’m happy to strip off my shirt and flagellate myself before you,” You said in a louder tone before saying softly, “Or rather, I could ask you a simple question.”

“I’m good with the flagellation.”

Ignoring Roger’s words, you let out a sigh, “What’s it gonna take for you all to forgive me?”

“Is that what you want, (Y/N)?” Brian asked, “I forgive you? Is that it? Can we go now?”

You immediately shook your head, “No.” Everyone in the room now looking at you, puzzled, before you continued, “I went to Munich.”

“I hired a bunch of guys. I told them exactly what I wanted them to do and the problem was…” You looked at them, “they did it.”

“No pushback from Roger. None of your rewrites,” You turned to Brian, then to John, “None of his funny looks,” a tight-lipped smile made its way to John’s face, Roger softly smiling at what you said, “I need my boys.” 

“I need you... and you need me.”

Hearing no response, you decided to lighten up the mood by patting Brian’s shoulder, letting out a chuckle, “Let’s face it. We’re not bad for four aging queens.” His face not changing.

“So, um, go ahead. Name your terms.”

Brian continued to stare at you before speaking up, “Could you give us a moment, please, (Y/N)?”

Your smile fell, before slowly standing up, and walking out the door. Once you were out of the room, John asked Brian, “Why’d you do that?”

Brian shrugged, “I just felt like it.” The three of them letting out soft laughs.

Meanwhile, outside, both hands in your jacket pockets, leaning your back against the wall just beside Miami’s office, you stared at the floor, a million things going through your mind. Hearing the door open and close again, Miami walked towards you.

“They’ll be all right. They just need a bit of time.”

You continued to stare blankly at the floor, “What if I don’t have time?”

“What do you mean, (Y/N)?”

Thankfully, for now, you didn’t have to tell him as John opened the door and stepped out, “You can come back in now, if you’d like.”

Sitting back down on your seat, Roger spoke up, “We decided… what did we decide?”

John sighed, “From now on… every song, no matter who wrote it, music, lyrics… it’s by Queen. Not one of us, just Queen. All the money, all the credits split four ways evenly.”

You nodded, “Done.”

“We have a problem with the people around you,” Roger added.

“Paul is out. I fired him.”

“On what pretext?”

“Villainy. What else?”

“Bob Geldof,” Miami spoke up, “I called to convince him to squeeze you guys into the lineup for the Live Aid concert but he wants an answer now. You have to make a decision. Every ticket is already sold.”

“A hundred thousand people at Wembley, hundred thousand people at JFK Stadium in Philadelphia. A global TV audience around the world of a hundred and fifty countries, thirteen satellites. The Olympics only had three.”

“We haven’t played together in years,” Roger started, “It’s kinda suicide to play again for the first time in front of millions.”

Brian corrected, “Try over one point five billion,” before he scoffed, “Who are these four dinosaurs? Where’s Madonna?”

“It’s a twenty-minute set. Everyone gets the same,” Miami said, “Jagger, Bowie, Elton, McCartney, The Who, Led Zeppelin, Phil Collins, REO Speedwagon, Bob Dylan.”

“Certainly good company,” John said.

“Anybody who is anybody is doing this concert.”

“Look,” You spoke up, “All I know… is that if we wake up the day after this concert and we didn’t do our part… we’re going to regret it till the day we die.”

You didn’t know how, but you managed to contain yourself. Not in front of them. Not right now. Saying out in an almost shaky voice, “Please.”

a/n: sorry for the short chapter, i think you all know what happens next and i just wanted the next part to be its own chapter since it’s very major!

tags: @b-hardys // @hunterswearingplaid // @livingforrt // @bensrhapsody // @jennyggggrrr // @little-weirdo-13 // @kemeryyyy // @yoonlatte // @geek-and-proud // @everything-you-dont-wanna-be // @itsametaphorbriansblog // @marequeenii // @killer-queen-xo // @jedi-dreea // @achernarsaa // @nevaeh-potter15 // @banana-tree-freddiemercury // @rogertaylorssunglasses // @pyrotechnic789 // @mirkwoodshewolf // @stuff-exists // @toger-raylor // @langdonzvoid // @imamazzellhoe // @tbird20165 // @destiel-stucky4ever-loki-queen // @theswedishblonde // @oliviaharddyy // @sunflower-borhap-boys // @rocknrollsavedmysoul13 // @sincereleygmg // @mylifeissucky123 // @teenwolflover28 // @perrythefrickinplatypus // @deakysmisfire // @simonedk // @rockyroadthepastryarchy // @warren-lauren // @sarai-ibn-la-ahad // @danny-fucking-mercury

[slapmehoseok-blog]

Jungkook cheated on you.

╔═══════════════╗

Info:

• one shot

•2,185 words

•Jungkook X Reader X Jimin

•Jungkook’s cheats on you

╚═══════════════╝

＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚　　˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊

You and jungkook have been dating for 3 years. You’re guys anniversary is supposed to be in 3 days. You have never loved anyone as much as you loved him.

You took the day off work and were sitting at your local café with your best friend jimin. You always suspected he had a little crush on you, but he knew his boundaries. You guys were discussing Jungkooks and your anniversary. Last year Jungkook planned the date for you guys, so this year you guys agreed you would to plan it this time around. As you and Jimin finished looking up local restaurants to find the best one and then calling to make reservations, you decided to head out to the mall to find a cute outfit.

As you reached the mall you and Jimin went to look for the perfect dress and shoes for your date. You picked out 3 outfits and asked Jimin to pick the best one (since you couldn’t decide). He liked the second one the best. To be exact he said “ oh my god, you look beautiful” with his jaw dropped. So you thought that was the best pick. It was a skin tight silky red dress with a pair of plain black strapped heels.

After finding the perfect date night outfit you thought you would part ways with Jimin since it was around supper time and you were getting hungry. You and Jungkook usually works late into the evening and end up getting take out most of the time, so this time you thought you would make supper for him.

You arrive home and open the door, however your gut feels weird. Like something is wrong. You go to take your shoes off when you notice a pair of pink flats.

You dont own pink flats.

your heart and mind start racing

“maybe my mom or sister came for a visit and let themselves in” you said to yourself in a hushed voice

you proceed into the living room to look for them but find nobody. Weird.

maybe they’re just in the bathroom

You then decide to go to your room to drop off your shopping bags because they are getting heavy and you want to hide them before Jungkook gets home. Thats when u hear it. A female voice, you have never heard before coming from your room. You slowly push the door open not expecting what you were about to see.

frozen. Thats what you were, frozen.

You see a girl on top of Jungkook in your guys bed half clothed. You drop your shopping bags on the floor making a thud. Both Jungkook and this random girl eyes shot in your direction. He pushes the girl off him and says “ Y/N this isnt what you think”

“What is this....” you said in a quiet small voice as tears formed in your eyes. Thats all you could say before you’re heart began to race and you then began to panic. You turned around and ran for the front door. All you had on you were your car keys and your cell phone. You couldn’t believe what you just saw. Theres no way. There is no way Jeon jungkook cheated on you 3 days before your 3 year anniversary.

Not know where to go or what to do you got in your car and just started driving, and called your best friend. Jimin picked up on the 2nd ring

ring ring ...

“missed me that much already huh?” He said in a jokingly voice

you couldn’t speak. You just sobbed uncontrollably.

“Y/N?! Whats wrong? Calm down, are you okay?” He knew something was wrong.

“ Ji-Jimin...” is all you could say through your cries.

“Y/N where are you? Im coming to you.”

“at-at the park near-r my house” you said with an unsteady voice through your tears

“stay put ill be there in 5 minutes“ he said with slight panic in his voice

You hung up and looked down at your phone. 12 miss calls and 4 unread messages from Jungkook. You just cried as you opened the messages:

•Come back

• im sorry, come back baby

•i love you, im sorry please come back to me

•come back, let talk this out. I love you, i cant loose you

As you finished reading the messages you heard a knock on your car window. You look up to see Jimin with a worried face. You unlock the door and let him in. “Y/N whats wrong? What happened!?”

“h-h-he cheated on my Jimin, he cheated on me” you lost all control of yourself and sunk into Jimins arms as you started to shake because you were crying so much. Jimin just stayed there holding you for the next 30 minutes without saying anything. He couldn’t believe the words that just came out your mouth. Jungkook cheating on you? But he adores you? He would have never thought he could do something like this. Jimin was furious, so many thoughts were running around in his head.

as you finally calmed down a bit you look into Jimins eyes and thank him for coming to you so quickly. He was a true friend. You tell him everything that happened and he just looks at you with the widest eyes not knowing what to say. You show him the texts and miss calls from Jungkook and he mutters something under his breath but you couldn’t hear it. However, you could tell he was angry

Now not having anywheres to stay for the nights to come, Jimin suggested his place to you. You took the offer because you didnt really having anyone else. Plus you really didnt want to have to explain anything to your family just yet. You guys arrive at his place and he immediately goes to the bathroom to run you a bath. “maybe a warm bath will help you relax a bit? Ill get you some of my clothes for when you are done” he said so innocently. You didnt say anything but nodded your head yes.

once you were done with your bath you put on Jimins clothes. They smelled like him, which was kind of comforting. You slowly push the bathroom door open to see Jimin making you a tea. He brings it to you with a small smile (trying to cheer you up a bit).

“um, you can have my bed and ill sleep on the couch tonight. Does that sound ok?”

you still didnt really feel like talking. You felt so small right now. You just slightly shook your head and said “thank you” almost in a whisper.

You sat Jimins kitchen table with him in silence until you finished your tea. You started to yawn. You were exhausted from the excessive crying and taking a warm bath. You simply told jimin that you were going to lay down now since it was getting late. He took your tea mugs to the sink and followed you to the bed room. He took some pillows and a small blanket from his bed and brought it out the sofa in the living room. After laying them down, he peaked around the corner and asked if there was anything else he could get you before you went to bed. You replied with no thank you.

you both then went your separate ways. You laid in his king size bed curled up in a ball realizing how lonely you were and fell asleep without even trying. You started to have a bad dream remembering everything that had happened early that day which made you wake up from your sleep crying. You just laid there in silence crying. Tears just slowly falling down your face. You looked up to see the clock on Jimins wall, it was around 2:30am. Thats when you realized you heard the living room tv still on. Knowing you wouldnt be able to fall back to sleep for a while you decided to go out into the living room to see if Jimin was awake.

to your surprise he was still wide awake looking at the tv. Although he didnt really seem like he was watching it, he looked like he was thinking about something. You made a little coughing noise and it startled him. He looked in your direction

“ Y/N, you’re awake, are you ok?”

“ i just woke up from a bad dream, is it okay if i come out here for a little bit ? I dont want to be alone” You pouted

“of course you can y/n” he sat up instantly making room for you.

you guys sat and watched tv for about an hour when you started to feel sleepy again. You moved a bit closer to Jimin and rested your head on his shoulder. He leaned his towards yours and stroked your hair for you. You thought about how lucky you were to have him as a friend and dose off to sleep.

Jimin sat there silently looking at your face stroking your hair as you fell asleep. He just thought to himself about how beautiful you were and how sorry he felt for you. He kissed your forehead once he knew you were asleep and carried you to his bed. He pulled the sheet over your innocent body tucking you in. He wanted to be there for you every step of the way. He loved you, he never told you that but he truly loved you. He wanted to take care of you the way Jungkook never could . He would never hurt you the way he did. He just wanted to hold you tight and tell you everything was going to be alright.

the next morning, you woke up feeling better. Everything about the events that took place the day before settled in your brain. You felt numb, but better. You walked out to see Jimin passed out on his couch half hanging off. You slighty giggled to yourself at the sight of it. You then decided to look at your phone to see tons of missed calls and texts from Jungkook once again. You got an instant headache. You opened the texts and read all the bullsh*t he said to you. After finishing you simply replied “Goodbye Jungkook” and blocked his number.

you didnt want to wake Jimin up so you went to his kitchen to make yourself some breakfast. Cereal and toast. You ate silently until you heard Jimin groan and get up to go to the bathroom. Once again you giggled at the sight. He came back out and saw you sitting at the kitchen table with a slight smile.

“whats so funny” Jimin asked

“ oh what, um nothing.. nothing at all” you said

“okay weirdo” was all he said laughing to himself

you never really realized how much you cared for Jimin until the thoughts about the night befjungkookore came flooding back. You were so grateful that he was there for you. If it wasn’t for him you would be all alone probably still crying your eyes out. He made you feel better, his presence made you feel better. He made all the hurt go away.

~3 months after jungkook cheated on you~

Life has been better, you’re still not fully over Jungkook, but you are trying. You have only seen him once since that day to collect your belongings but didn’t speak a word to him. He watched you while tears flowed down his face. How dare he?! HE did that, not you. Disgusting was all you could think...

Anyways,

You spend most your days with Jimin now, he has been so kind to you and you never will be able to thank him enough for that night when he was there for you when you needed someone the most. However, he has been extra flirty these days but you don’t really mind. He is overly handsome and it puts you in a good mood. You got your own apartment in the same complex as Jimin so you guys are always together. He keeps you happy. He makes you feel certain ways that jungkook was never able to. He is the only person who allowed you to be your own person. Plus he is the one who can make you laugh and smile instantly whenever you’re sad. He has always been there for you.

You never thought you would feel this way about Jimin, but you think you may have feelings for him. You thought about telling him but are scared of ruining your relationship you have with him now. Should you tell him?!

＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚　　˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊

Authors note:

okayyy, thats all for this one shot fanfic. Ive never done this before so please dont be too harsh on it lol it took my a while to do too.

please let me know what you think! It is very unedited, i know 😅

should i do another one?

＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚　　˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊

[artificialqueens]

You’re A Kite, Dancing in A Hurricane. (Biadore) Chapter three.

Hi guys. Hope you enjoy this chapter. It was one that I was pretty excited to write. Here’s a link to chapter one and two.

Roy arrived at the bar where Danny’s sister would be performing at around 8pm, after spending much more time getting ready than he’d care to admit. Once inside he made his way to the bar and ordered himself a light beer. He was driving home so decided to stick to just one. He glanced over to the stage and noticed Danny’s sister instantly, she was the spitting image of him. She looked so beautiful with her red flowing hair and full lips that Roy was convinced if he were straight he’d be into her. Which was probably a terrible thought considering hse must have been at least ten years younger than him. Roy waited at the bar until she had finished her set then watched as she walked towards the bar for a drink.

When Adore made eye contact with Roy her face lit up into a huge smile. The resemblance to Danny was uncanny and it made Roy’s heart race.

“Hi. I’m Roy, one of Danny’s teachers, but I’m guessing you knew that. Can I buy you a drink.” Adore just stared at Roy with a huge grin and brilliant blue eyes.

“Erm. Sir, it’s Danny.” Roy’s heart dropped. God he was so stupid. Of course it was Danny. How could he have not realised. He felt like laughing at how long it took him to realise, but then the reality of the situation, that he was now sat in a bar with one of his underage students, set in.

“Shit. I’m sorry. I should go.” Roy stammered, getting up from his seat. God this was so inappropriate. “Christ. Why did you tell me it was your sister?” Roy was trying not to get angry at Danny but was incredibly stressed.

“Because I just wanted you to see me perform.” Danny said, placing his hand on Roy’s wrist to stop him from leaving. “Roy, I’m sorry.

“Jesus. Don’t call me Roy that makes it worse.” Roy shook his arm away from Danny and turned to leave.

“Wait. Please.” Danny said desperately. Roy turned to look at him. “Look at me and tell me what you see.”

“I see a student, my student, in a bar, with me. This is all kinds of wrong.” Roy was desperate to leave and pretend this had never happened.

“No. I mean right now, who am I?” Danny asked. Roy didn’t have time for these mind games, until he realised what Danny was saying.

“You’re Adore.” He sighed and Danny smiled.

“Exactly. And Adore isn’t your student.” Danny smirked as he made his point.

“It’s still not right Danny.” Roy said, avoiding eye contact.

“Nobody needs to know.” Danny said softly. Roy was torn. Part of him was saying he should leave, admit to the school what had happened and never think about it again. But another part of him wanted to stay. He’d had more fun watching Adore perform than he’d had in a long time. And Danny was right, nobody would know anything was untoward, considering the bar was so far away from their home town and Danny existed there only as Adore. He didn’t know what to do and looked desperately into Danny’s eyes for an answer.

“At least stay and watch Alyssa?” Danny said with a light smile. Roy caved and decided that, despite what his brain was saying, he would stay and watch the next act.

Danny sat with Roy at the bar for around half of Alyssa’s stand up routine, then excused himself to go and de-drag. Roy was almost grateful for the time to himself to clear his head for a moment, but didn’t have time to appreciate it since another woman immediately sat down beside him. This woman was very clearly another drag act, why couldn’t it have been this easy to spot when it was Danny.

“Well I haven’t seen you here before! I’m Miss Bendela Ceme. Dela for short.” The woman rattled off. She was lovely. Roy hated it.

“Roy.” He said, with a nod.

“Not much of a talker I see! That’s okay I can talk enough for the both of us!” Dela continued, completely oblivious to the fact Roy seemed less than amused.

Despite assuming he would hate Dela and all her peppiness, Roy found that within a few minutes he was actually enjoying the conversation with her. Dela seemed to be the sort of person that could make anyone feel as though they had been friends for years. It felt nice to have a genuine laugh with a friend closer to his own age and not the student he had a problematic crush on. He felt comfortable enough with her to let her in on his problem.

“Do you mind if I tell you something? But you have to promise not to be a shady cunt about it.” Roy laughed so that Dela knew he wasn’t actually calling her a cunt.

“Sure.” Dela smiled, taking a sip of her drink.

“So you know that I’m a teacher,” Dela nodded, “But what you don’t know, is that Adore Delano is one of my students.” Roy said hesitantly. He didn’t want to ruin his friendship before it had even started.

“Oh cool.” Dela said, slightly confused as to why Roy would tell him that.

“You dont think that’s weird?” Roy asked.

“Well not really. Danny is a sweet kid. And sure maybe we shouldn’t let someone underage in here but all the girls here know so we look out for him. It really isn’t that weird.” Dela explained. Roy felt slightly relieved that Danny was being looked after.

“But don’t you think it’s wrong that I’m in a bar with my student.” Roy probed. For some reason he was desperate for someone to tell him it was wrong.

“Well it’s not like you’re here with him, you’ve barely spoken to him all night.” Dela was so nonchalant about the whole thing Roy felt unbelievably relieved.

Roy didn’t see Danny much for the rest of the night as he was off talking to his own friends, which Roy didn’t mind much as he was perfectly happy with his own newfound friend. At the end of the night he swapped numbers with Dela and promised that he would see her again soon, although if his crush on Danny persisted then maybe that wouldn’t be a great idea.

—

It was embarrassing how boring the next week of work was for Roy without Danny in his detention. He was nervous when waiting for Danny to arrive in class on Monday as he worried he would have to talk about seeing him at the bar at the weekend. When Danny arrived Roy realised he had nothing to worry about as Danny was his usual self, in a whole world of his own. The rest of the week was passing by so slowly that by midweek he decided to call his friends from home and tell them about the gay bar he’d found.

“Hey girl!” DJ screeched as the call connected. “This had better not be another call about that boychild.” He joked.

“I swear you’re more into him than I am.” Roy laughed. “Where’s Willam?” He asked, noticing the distinct lack of another face.

“Hairdressers. Why, am I not good enough for you?” DJ yelled then laughed.

“Shut up.” Roy said playfully. “I only asked because I was calling to tell you that his plan worked.”

“You got grindr?!”

“No you idiot. I went out to a bar. Even made a friend” Roy said, choosing to omit the part where he’d seen Danny there.

“Wooooo. Get it girl.” DJ said excitedly. He was glad Roy was finding a place in that small town. “When are you seeing him again?” He said suggestively.

“Well he’s in my first period class tomorrow. And on Friday. He doesn’t have any more detentions this week though.”

“Erm.. I meant the new friend.” DJ laughed. “Clearly getting over your crush isn’t going as well as you thought it was.” Roy went bright red with embarrassment.

“And on that note, I’m leaving.” Roy groaned at his mistake. With a promise to call again soon, Roy disconnected the call. He then noticed that he had an unread text from Dela.

‘Hope you’re ready for this Friday night! I have some friends I’d like you to meet! See you there!’ The text read, with an ungodly amount of emojis on the end. Roy decided that he would definitely go back to the bar at the weekend, he needed to develop some kind of a social life. And besides, Danny seemed to have his own group of friends there so they wouldn’t really need to interact beyond politeness.

That Friday night Roy meets Dela in the bar and is introduced to some of her friends Darienne, Courtney and Jocelyn. Roy felt like he was finally starting to fit in, in this odd little town. All the girls were mesmerised by the fact Roy was from New York and listened to his stories in awe. He made a promise to take them all there one day, and with that, Roy had himself three new friends.

He didn’t see Danny much that evening, only glimpses of Adore as she danced around the bar with her friends. Roy thought about how it was nice to see her so carefree and happy, not like Danny at school. Later that night when it was Adore’s turn to perform he thought about how much natural talent Danny was blessed with, and how much he wished she could go on to bigger things outside of this small town bar.

Later that evening, after Roy had said goodnight to his friends and was heading back to his car, Roy saw Danny in the smoking area and decided a little conversation never hurt anyone. Roy walked up to Danny who smiled brightly when he noticed.

“Hey!” Danny said excitedly.

“Hey.” Roy smiled. He was slightly taken back by the radiance of Danny’s smile. He felt butterflies in his stomach, as though he were a 13 year old girl talking to her first crush. This was bad.

“I didn’t even know you were here tonight.”

“Yeah, I’ve been around” Roy laughed awkwardly. “So, you were really great tonight.” As soon as the Roy spoke the compliment Danny blushed, which made Roy happy. He couldn’t help but notice how attractive Danny looked tonight, with the remnants of Adore’s black eyeliner making his eyes pop.

“Thank you.” Danny said humbly.

“I mean it, you’re so talented.” Roy continued. He didn’t know why he was doing this, he just couldn’t resist the smile it created on Danny’s face. “You’re going to go on to big things I know it.” Before Danny could reply he was being called back inside by his friends.

“I’ll talk you later?” Danny asked as he was leaving.

“Sure, chola.” Roy laughed, reviving the old nickname which Danny loved.

–

Three more weeks pass by with Roy and Danny being in an odd situation. Through the week they barely spoke, Roy was Danny’s science teacher and nothing more. They had the occasional hello and light conversation, but that was the extent of it. When Friday night came around, it was like two different people. If you asked Roy, he’d say they were developing a genuine friendship. Roy was managing to keep his crush at bay and interact with Danny in a purely platonic manner. There was occasional times when Danny had had one too many drinks and did questionable things such as the time he greeted Roy by throwing his arms around his neck, but other than that everything was under control.

The night that he was getting ready for his fifth Friday at the bar, Roy started to doubt whether what he was doing was right, when he noticed himself being excited to see Danny. Roy decided that maybe he ought to give tonight a miss and gave Dela a call on facetime. When the call connected he noticed Dela was out of drag, as Ben, something which despite five weeks of friendship, Roy had never seen before.  

“Wow you are a pretty boy.” Roy laughed as Ben fluttered his eyelashes.

“What’s up?” Ben asked, holding the phone in one hand and packing up all his drag for tonight in the other.

“I don’t think I’m going to be there tonight.” Roy admitted sadly. Ben stopped what he was doing to give Roy his full attention.

“Why not?! Patrick got engaged last saturday we need to celebrate!” Ben said, then covered his mouth as he had clearly said something he shouldn’t have.

“I’ll text Patrick I swear.” Roy promised. “I just have too much work to do.” Roy lied.

“That’s a lie Roy, you never let work build up I know you. What’s really going on?” Ben said sincerely. Roy decided to tell Ben the truth.

“It’s Danny. I’m so worried about what’s happening with him. I shouldn’t even be friends with a student it’s just wrong.” Ben sighed, he felt bad for his friend as he knew this had been a concern of his in the past.

“Look, the way I see it is that right now you’re not doing anything wrong. You barely even speak to Adore, and it’s never anything more than complimenting her performance.”  Maybe Ben was right and Roy was overthinking it. “Maybe if something else did happen between you and Danny it would be a little different, but you don’t have to worry about anything like that yet.”Yet. It was the yet part that Roy was worried about.

“I’m heading off in a few minutes so I’m going to have to go. I really hope I see you there tonight.” After hurried goodbyes the call disconnected and decided he would go to see his friends that night. He vowed to keep contact with Adore to the bare minimum and stick with his friends.

–

The night passed fairy smoothly, with the main focus within his group being Jocelyn’s engagement. He was genuinely happy for her, and not at all bitter about the fact that he was almost in his mid 30’s and genuinely didn’t think he’d ever been in love. Okay maybe he was a little. Roy was enjoying the night with his friends until he noticed Dela looking a little uncomfortable and glancing behind him.

“What’s going on girl?” Roy asked Dela, as she continued to glance between Roy and whatever was so interesting over his shoulder.

“Okay don’t freak out but its Adore.” Roy’s heart sank, he could tell from Dela’s tone that he wouldn’t want to see what was going on behind him. Roy glanced over his shoulder and saw some guy kissing Adores neck. It’s fine, Adore was young, and probably spent all weekend making out with people her own age. Suddenly Roy wasn’t in the mood to party anymore.

“I think I’m just going to go.” Roy sighed, Dela had a look of urgent confusion in her eyes.

“Aren’t you going to say something?” Dela asked. It was now Roy’s turn to be confused.

“Why the fuck would I say something?” Roy snapped.

“Well if you won’t I will, she needs help.” Dela snapped back and started walking towards where Adore was. Roy turned round and saw Adore once more, except this time he realised what was actually happening. Adore was desperately trying to push away a man who was attempting to kiss her neck.

“Shit.” Roy muttered, and sprinted after Dela. When he reached the pair he grabbed the man by the shoulder and pulled him back.

“She said no.” Roy said firmly to the man. The man muttered an array of curses under his breath, spat on the floor next to Adore, and walked away. Roy turned to Dela who had her arm around Adore and mouthed ‘sorry’ before turning to Adore.

“Are you okay?” He asked, placing his hand on her arm.

“Yeah I’m fine. Men are so gross.” Adore laughed, trying to brush off what had just happened. Roy could feel she was shaking.

“Let me drive you home.” Roy said, and Adore nodded her head slightly. He quickly said his goodbyes to Dela and thanked her again for noticing, then walked Adore towards his car, leaving his hand on her back the entire time.

Roy let Adore into her side of the car then walked round to the drivers side. Once in the car he looked over at Adore, he saw that same lost expression he saw when he looked at Danny on the sidewalk all those weeks ago.

“Are you okay?” Roy asked softly.

“Yeah I’m okay. It’s just shit isn’t it.” Roy was so angry that someone had the power to ruin Adores night like this.

“You were great tonight.” Roy said, trying to lighten the mood. Adore didn’t reply, but he smiled brightly which was enough for Roy. Within a few minutes of driving, Adore had fallen asleep. Roy was slightly grateful for the silence, as it meant he didn’t have to attempt to make appropriate conversation. When Roy reached the place where he had dropped Danny off last time, he shut off the car as Danny woke up.

“Is here okay?” Roy asked, checking that Danny didn’t want dropping off closer to his home, since it was late at night.

“No here is fine.” Danny smiled then yawned. Roy thought it was adorable. Roy turned in his seat to say goodbye.

“You didn’t have to drive me home.” Danny said, reminding Roy of their conversation after he fixed Danny’s bag.

“I know.” Roy said, echoing his statement on that day. Danny put his hand on the door handle to leave but then turned back to face Roy.

“Thank you.” He said softly, his voice barely more than a whisper. Before Roy had registered what was happening, Danny had pressed his soft lips onto his own. Roy stayed motionless for what felt like an eternity then almost started to kiss back, before Danny pulled away and got out of the car in one swift motion.

“Shit. Danny wait.” Roy called after him, but the door was already closed and Danny was off into the night.

[theres-no-paradise]

Sorry not Sorry

Chapter 2

Summary: A random number wakes you up early on a Saturday morning. But it doesn't stop there. The stranger keeps on sending messages, and you have no idea what is happening, when you start to develop feelings for the unknown person.

Pairings: Tom Holland  x Reader [submit your name: How it works]

Chapter 1 Chapter 3

Y/N your Name

Y/F  your friends name

Word Count:  1646

Warnings: There will be swearing for sure, lots of sarcasm

A/N: Part two of my little series. this chapter is a little shorter but I still hope you enjoy it anyway :) 

It was a busy Thursday afternoon as you finished off your shift and got ready to call it a day. As you were packing up your bag, a little blinking light indicated that there was a new unread message on your smartphone. Sighing, you ignored the phone, since you didn't had time to check who messaged you as the train would be leaving soon. Thursdays were mostly the busiest and longest days for you at work. During peak hours, lots of customers would come in at the same time and that meant for you to multitask. Of course, you still had your colleagues around to help out but you wanted to do a good job as well and your boss to notice your hard work, so thursdays were more than exhausting for you.

As you were about to leave the building, you turned around and called out a “See ya’ll tomorrow”, before heading out into the warm spring day in London.

You hurried to the train station, taking two steps at once to reach the platform in time only to get greeted by a sign that had the information of delay on it. “Urgh fifteen minutes? When will the TFL get their shit together?”, you mumbled as you walked over to the bench to sit down and rest from the quick walk. As you waited for your train to arrive, you remembered that there was a message on your phone, waiting to be read. As you pulled out the device, first thing you noticed was the number. Sighing, you opened Whatsapp and checked the new message they’ve sent you.

+44 98 7654 3210:      How old are you?

You:                            Why the fuck would I tell you my age?

After pressing the green send button, you kind of felt bad for the rude counter question. But on the other hand this stranger kind of annoyed you too. Back in the past, some of your fake friends would use your number to do pranks on you. Sometimes even call you in the middle of the night and just give your number out to random strangers, to send you creepy messages as well. Maybe that's why you felt so uneasy about the number texting you now. A vibration signalled you an incoming message and you looked at the screen again.

+44 98 7654 3210:     Because I was asking for your age and not your national insurance number lol

You re-read the sentence a couple of times before you started to giggle. That was an answer you most definitely didn't expect but it cheered you up any way. Okay, maybe this stranger wasn't that bad, you thought.

You sat there for a few minutes, phone still in your handy as you stared down to the streets. Many people were rushing to the train station since it was rush hour time, but you just relaxed a little more and decided to type back a message.

You:                            And you know that I could tell you anything and it doesn't need to be true

You didn't want to make it too easy for the stranger. If they really wanted to know who they were texting, you would make it a little challenge. You kind of hoped, that with the way you messaged them, they would get annoyed by your stubbornness. Sometimes you enjoyed to be this rude. But only sometimes.

After a delay of a full 18 minutes, your train arrived at the platform. Crowds were moving towards the doors, pushing to get the best seats but you didn't care. The train ride wouldn't last long anyway so you just stood by the door, looking out of the window as the train started moving slowing. Staring out the window and listening to the people talking, another vibration caught your attention.

+44 98 7654 3210:     Yeah you could but where's the fun in that?                                     Im 21

You shook your head as you read the message. It kind of made sense to you now, why they were so nosy. Even though you weren't that much older, you smiled as you thought back to your early twenties. You definitely were an annoying young women, getting on the nerves of some of your friends. Sometimes you would talk nonsense, or behave weird, especially when drunk. Once you stopped going out on weekends on a regular basis, this behaviour kind of stopped.

As the train came to an halt in your neighbourhood, you left the waggon and walked down the stairs. Walking home took you a couple of minutes so you decided to text the stranger back.

You:                          Unbelievable                                  I see why you're like this                                  You are still a baby

+44 98 7654 3210:   Ouch                                  So you're older?

You:                          Somewhat.                                  25

The next incoming message came after a few minutes. You just got into your apartment as a vibration in your pocket startled you. Throwing your bag onto your sofa, you walked over to your kettle to fill it up with water. You couldn't wait to have a nice cup of tea and just drop down onto your sofa.

While the water boiled, you grabbed your phone to read the unread message.

+44 98 7654 3210: At least you're not a cougar!

“What is wrong with you?”, you asked the phone, shaking your head in disbelief. This must be a guy, you thought. No woman would use such a word. Also, did this person know that you were a girl? Or did they just assume over the way you texted with them? You just replied with one word, before you threw your phone on the table, not minding any more messages.

You: Weirdo

+44 98 7654 3210: :D

+44 98 7654 3210: I never asked for your name

You stared at the message for a couple of minutes, trying to absorb the sentence so that it made sense to you. Well, it did made sense but you felt uneasy about just answering, telling the stranger your name.

You: And why in the world should I tell you my name?

Your message sounded a little passive aggressive but you shrugged it off. This person could still be playing a prank on you or even worse, murder you if they were a serial killer. You started to think if they knew who you were. Maybe this whole thing was really just a prank?

+44 98 7654 3210: Well I wouldn't need to ask if you're a male or female

What a weird way to explain why you wanna know a person's name, wasn't it? You thought about writing down a neutral name, where you couldn't tell if the person was really a guy or a girl but another thought hit you.

You: omg Are you some kind of old ass pedophile?

No answer for about ten minutes and you got frustrated. You were still at work, but Friday afternoons were probably the most relaxed ones.

Just as you started to work on a booking, a new text message came in; but it didn't stop. Your phone vibrated three more times, and you got hold of it immediately, wondering what the sudden storm of messages was about.

+44 98 7654 3210: No!! Just curious! I swear! My names Tom

You laughed out loud.

The way he sent the messages, being all shocked, looked hilarious. You tried to imagine his face, the way his panicked expression must've looked but you couldn't help it and sigh in frustration. You had still no idea, who that person was even though he told you his name. You knew a few Tom’s but they were all mature enough not to do pranks on you. So who was this mysterious 21 year old named Tom, that disturbed your peaceful life?

You decided, to give another cocky answer just in case, you thought.

You: Good for you

You put your phone to the side, to keep on working on the bookings that you’ve just started to manage. After a little while, your phone vibrated again.

+44 98 7654 3210: Someones in a bad mood today

You: Dont you have anything important to do?

+44 98 7654 3210: Other than texting you? Nope :)

What did you expect him to answer, as you read his response? Of course he had fun asking all these questions and getting these sarcastic answers back. But you had to admit, you kind of started to enjoy the exchange of texts and it made you a little uncomfortable. This guy was a stranger after all and the feeling of being played with was still stuck deep in your mind.

You: Bye

+44 98 7654 3210: :(

You: :)

Putting the device back on the table, you concentrated back on your task. This person really had nerves to message you during working hours. A look on the clock told you, that it was nearly finishing time in the office and you hurried to get the last bookings ready. You didn't want customers to be waiting for their Confirmations the whole weekend, so you wanted to have it all ready by the time of closing hour. As you sent out the last Email, you shut off your Computer and packed up your stuff. It was already silent in the building, as most people had already called it a day. Only your boss and his secretary were still on the floor, preparing other stuff for upcoming fairs.

“See you monday”, you shouted and left the front door, hearing two voices calling out “Have a nice weekend” to you. Smiling, you left the office building and walked out to the always busy streets of London.

People were rushing from one place to another, tourists stopped by and took photos of every little detail and you smiled. A simple, close mouthed but happy smile. And then you just took your phone out and typed in the few letters, still smiling.

You: Y/N 

Taglist: @hollandorks @beardedsteveslut

(Let me know if you wanna be tagged (: )

[humerusimagines]

of grocery happenings and broken glass - sans x reader/self insert

HEY! Since it’s fanfic friday, can you do one with UT Sans and the “enemies to lovers” trope? it can just be a few scenes where the relationship changes. u dont have to ofc but idk i really like those kinds of stories :‘0c

Summary: You’re an enigma wrapped in a mystery, and he’ll do anything literally) to get you to solve yourself. (Or the obligatory fic wherein sans goes from wanting to dunk you to wanting to kiss you)

Notes: AAAAAAAA?????? AAAAAA. Mcfrickin. Love this trope. Bless u. blessed prompt. i had too much fun writing this help.

Writer: Mod Chrissu

The first time he meets you, it’s weird as hell to him.

Firstly, you are probably the best looking human he’s ever laid eyes on. Your hands are balled up and pushing into your hips, your head craned to look up with a sneer at somebody much taller than you.

When he sees who it is, the attraction that he felt immediately was replaced with intense anger.

His brother is holding a grocery basket, one that he knows isn’t his because it’s completely barren of any type of pasta or sauce. His grin is a little shaky, as if he’s apologetic, but also scared. There’s a few food items on the floor that are lying abandoned, so he assumes that the basket must have overturned in some way and Papyrus went to help you. So why did your expression hold so much fury?

He mosies on over, hands stuffed in his pockets. He’s gonna start out calm and cordial, and hopefully this human won’t give him a reason to dunk them into next Saturday. “hiya. what’s up?” He greets, keeping his tone relaxed and chipper, hoping that this goes well.

“SANS!” The way his brother says his name, almost in relief, makes his opinion of the human drop even further. “HELLO, BROTHER!”

You turn to face Sans, your face portraying annoyance. If it wasn’t for the fact that you looked like you had a problem with his bro, Sans might have considered using a sly pickup line. But no, you open your mouth and erase that possibility. “Oh, he’s with you?” You imply, pointing to the taller skeleton, who’s fidgeting nervously.

His grin turns a little steely. He doesn’t like to see Paps so scared. “yeah. s’there a problem with that?”

“Maybe. Anyways, listen here, dudebro.” Attention aimed at Papyrus again, mouth twisting into a scowl. “I got this. I don’t need somebody swooping in and saving me.” You rip the basket away from Papyrus and bend down to pick up the food on the floor, eyes widening when you see the damage done. “Damn it, the cans are dented!”

“listen buddy, i’m sure you’re just misunderstanding–” His patience is wearing very thin but an agitated sigh cuts him off.

“Look, buddy, I already had to walk all the way here because my piece of shit car broke down, I don’t need some random guy telling me off.” Your body language radiates don’t fuck with me today, and he doesn’t really understand why. “I’m sorry, but I’m not in the mood.” Food retrieved from the ground and in the basket, you straighten up and give both he and Papyrus a pointed glare. “Now if you’ll excuse me, which I don’t really care if you do or don’t, I have to replace these cans.”

Without letting him speak, you turn on a heel and stomp out of the aisle, leaving him in dumbfounded silence. What the hell was your problem?

—

The next time he sees you, it’s without you knowing.

It’s been a few days since what happened in the grocery store, and frankly he’d be fine with never seeing your face again. Somebody so filled with negativity and hatred for others for no reason…He doesn’t like people like that. He’s glad he’ll never see you again.

(Except he does.)

He hears a scream before he sees the blur of a person being tossed out onto the sidewalk a few houses down from where he’s standing. He almost runs over to help until another human shows up. They step out onto the steps angrily, if their rigid posture and antagonistic stance is any factor.

“Get the fuck out, you waste of space. Don’t even know why I bothered with you. You’re nothing but shit.” They spit out.

“Nonono, no please, I’ll be better, don’t do this please–” The voice is so full of fear and regret, and it’s so familiar. He knows that voice. It stirs a forgotten anger in his chest, and finally he registers that it’s you, the human from the grocery store.

Your clothes are ripped in places, there’s bruises all over your arms, the shirt you have on is riding up and showing off even more bruises on your back and sides. Your knees are scuffed from your fall, and you’re barely keeping your torso up off the ground. Your form is shaking, soft sobs emitting from your mouth. What a moment to be observing you. To avoid being seen, he ducks behind a nearby trashcan.

“You were lucky, you had me to love you! I’m probably the only person on this Earth left that actually gives a fuck about you! None of your friends or your family actually care, they’re faking it!” The human on the steps barks, and he notices a glint from their hand. They throw it in your direction, and the bottle shatters on the ground a few feet away from you, pieces scattering all over the pavement. “Get the hell out of here, you damn slut!”

The human on the steps goes back into the house and throws out a bag of clothes before slamming the door. Sans turns away from the scene, expression a mixture of shock and confusion. He has no idea what to think. Obviously, the dude that just kicked you out is an asshat, but did you deserve it? He’s not the kind of guy to wish pain or suffering on anybody else, so no, he supposes you don’t. He goes to pick himself up off the ground.

Except you pass by. You notice him there. It’s silent for one scarily long moment.

“How much of that did you see?” You inquire roughly, voice cracked from crying. A pang of pity ripples through his SOUL.

“…all of it.”

Your face is unreadable, you just grip the bag you have a little harder. It’s plastic, so your fingers sink into the material like clay. “…Fuck off.”

He looks up at you in surprise. “what?”

“I said fuck off.” You hiss, your glare piercing. “Want to know why I got kicked out? One of the cans I brought home from the store, that your idiot brother made me drop? It was dented. So fuck you, fuck your brother, fuck everything.” You grit your teeth and march off, pulling the bag over your shoulder.

He scrambles up and after you, though a tiny inner voice questions his motives. What is he gonna do? You obviously don’t want to see him, your little proclamation proved so, so why is he chasing you? He squashes down the thought, unsure if he wants to know why.

“look, kid, i’m sorry.” He skids in front of them, chest heaving with the extra effort he put into catching up with them. “i don’t understand your attitude, or why you act the way you do, but acting that way isn’t going to change anything.”

“You know nothing about me, why the hell are you trying to do here?” You snap, dropping your bag. Despite being bloody and scratched and obviously injured, you still stand as if you’re super girl about to face off with her greatest enemy yet. 

“i have no idea. i don’t really know.” He almost whispers it, because he doesn’t really know what he’s doing, or why. “but i don’t want to be the reason you hate the world so much. at least let me help you find a place to stay for a bit.”

Your mouth twists, and a range of emotions flip through your face: confusion, anger, sorrow, and finally it stops on that flat mask you had on. “..Okay, fine.”

He breathes out a sigh of relief.

—

He finds you a hotel to stay in, and while he wouldn’t usually pay for a stranger’s stay, he does for you. Seeing the person you had to deal with, the way they treated you…Something told him that wasn’t the only time they treated you badly. That’s a scary situation to think about, so of course you would be bitter and angry. He pays for a week, hoping it’s enough time for you to figure out what you need to do or for you to get a job.

He escorts you to your room, and it’s quiet but it isn’t uncomfortable. You’ve been through a lot, he guesses, so talking about it right now would be a little much. Instead, as you both reach your room, he asks to come in for a moment.

Puzzled, you agree, and let him in. It’s a small room, with a dresser pushed against the wall adjacent to the doorway, a lamp in the corner, and a bed opposite the dresser. Another door is in the far corner, which Sans assumes is the bathroom. There’s a table beside the bed, and on it is a pad with paper and a pen.

He picks them both off and scrawls his name and number on it, ripping off the page and giving it to you. “the dude that kicked you out looks like another bad time waiting to happen, so if he shows up here, don’t be afraid to call me, ok?” 

The hand that takes the paper is a little shaky. Your eyes skim over the words written, and the corner of your mouth quirks. “’Sans’? Like the font?”

He shrugs. “i get that a lot. anyways, i need to get back, paps is worried probably.” He points to the paper in your hand, shooting you a reassuring smile. “remember, dude’s a bad time. call me if he comes back. or call if you need help in general. seeya.”

With a blip, he’s gone, and you stare at the space (now replaced with air) he was just in. The most dumbfounded look creases your brow.

“…What the fuck did he just do?!”

—

Funnily enough, after the incident, he cannot stop thinking about you. He passes the place you used to live every day, and when he does he wonders if you’re okay. He’d check on you, but he did say that if you had a problem to call him. So he leaves the situation be, letting it be in your ballpark. If you need him there, you’ll call.

It’s been a long day, so he decides to go to Grillby’s for some ketchup and conversation. It’s been a while, and he hasn’t visited the surface expansion of Grillby’s very much, so he should fix that.

He teleports just outside the entrance and strolls in to a chorus of greeting from the regulars. Doggo, Greater Dog, and Lesser Dog are wrapped up in a game of poker, with Dogamy and Dogaressa watching on the side and holding each other. There’s a couple humans hanging around, along with a few monsters that didn’t usually frequent the establishment underground milling about. He waddles to the bar and hops into a bar stool, leaning on the counter and sighing, eyes shut.

“heya grillbz, what’s cookin’ good lookin’?”

A snort is his answer, but it sounds nothing like his favorite fire elemental.

He opens up an eye to see you, clad in a button up dress shirt with black slacks, an apron tied around your neck and waist. You look nothing like you did that night, which relieves him so much. There’s a hit of yellow and purple on your hands from the bruises you sustained, he notices, as you clean out a glass with a towel. Your nose is scrunched up from the bad joke he made, a small smile lighting up your face and causing a soft hue of blue to blossom on his face. 

“kid? that’s you?” He asks, opening his eyes fully, now very alert. 

“’Kid’ is not my name, but yeah, it’s me.” You also throw in your name, since you’ve neglected to tell him. Wow, your demeanor has changed completely since the grocery store fiasco, and it’s such a breath of fresh air. It’s nice to see you smile, even if it is a smug smirk.

“well damn, you clean up nice. how ya been doin’? i’m assumin’ the guy hasn’t been bothering you?” At the mention of him you tense, which leads him to backpedal, “wait, shit, sorry–”

“It’s fine! It’s fine.” You cut him off, the smirk having been wiped off your face and replaced with a small frown. “They uh, haven’t been bothering me. Haven’t heard a word from them since what happened.”

He relaxes at this. “good, good.” He breathes, slumping against the counter again. 

“…What can I get ya, Sans?” You ask, setting down the glass you were cleaning and propping your arm against the bar, quirking a brow at him. It’s sassy as hell and it isn’t helping that you’re gorgeous.

“your number.” He realizes what he said in the middle of saying it and slams his face into his palm as you laugh. “…i am so sorry. i’m used to crackin’ jokes like this with grillby.”

“It’s fine, it’s fine. What do you really want, though?”

Bless you and your nerves of steel. “uh, bottle of ketchup.”

An incredulous look crosses your face, but you grab one and slide it to him anyways. He twists off the cap and tips it back, almost spitting it out with laughter when you choke.

“Sans, the fuck?!” You stammer, and he wishes he could take a picture of your face because it’s so priceless. Maybe your nerves aren’t as solid as he thought.

—

If somebody told him six months ago that he’d fall head over heels in love with a human, and a human that initially hated his innocent soul of a brother no less, he’d laugh and call them crazy.

Thinking about it now, it’s not as crazy as it seemed. 

Because with every laugh and smile he gets from you, his SOUL thuds a little more forcefully in his chest, his face a touch blue-r, and he finds himself trying so hard to get them out of you that he doesn’t notice how deep he’s getting into this.

He doesn’t notice until his brother does.

“goin’ to grillby’s, want me to bring you back somethin’ paps?” He asks, sticking his head into the kitchen. Papyrus isn’t as oblivious as everyone believes him to be, and he proves it now as he smiles knowingly at his older brother, which only causes said brother to raise a brow bone in silent question.

“BROTHER, YOU SEEM TO BE GOING TO GRILLBY’S A LOT IN THESE PAST FEW MONTHS.” Papyrus stops stirring the pot of noodles he’s attending to on the stove to look at his brother. He notices, but it’s not like Sans makes an effort to hide it. He can see it in the way that he smiles sometimes when he gets a text from you, or how excited he is when he knows he’s about to see you.

He know what Sans looks like when he’s obsessed about something, or worried, or determined. Papyrus thought he’d seen it all. You’ve brought out a different side of him that Papyrus loves to see, because he look so happy nowadays.

“yeah, so? i used to go everyday when we were underground.”

“SANS, DEAR BROTHER, NOTHING EVADES THE WATCHFUL EYE OF THE GREAT PAPYRUS!” He exclaims triumphantly, pulling out his best smile. “…I am happy for you, Sans. I hope you bring them by soon to introduce them to me, because I would like to thank the person who has given you so much joy.”

It’s a rarity when Papyrus speaks in a regular volume of voice, and it shocks Sans to his core. “whaddya mean, pap?”

Papyrus laughs, turning back to his pot. “OH BROTHER, DON’T TELL ME YOU HAVEN’T NOTICED!”

“im-pasta-ble, i notice everything.” Sans’ smile turns wicked as Papyrus screeches out a warning to him and then he blips out of the way of the taller’s wooden ladle being thrown at him.

—

It’s become a habit, for him to watch you as you work. The way you move around the tables at the restaurant, the polite smile you give to the customers and the drastically different smirk you send him when he tosses out a pun, the lingering touch between you two when you give him a ketchup bottle. 

It kills him, in a way, because he knows what he’s feeling. He knows very well what this feeling is. His love life isn’t a very active one, but he does remember a few years back when he used to have a crush on Toriel, and this feels like that except new. It’s no longer a nice thought, but a fire that consumes his thoughts whenever he sees you. It’s not the heat of the blush on his face, it’s the ghostly imprint that your fingers leave on his. His SOUL doesn’t flutter, it beats purposefully. He knows what this is.

However, it’s not him that says or does anything about it.

As your shift comes to a close and he prepares to leave, you stop him. The place is almost empty, just a couple people wrapping up their meals or nursing their last drink. You look nervous, teeth gnawing on your bottom lip.

“what’s up?” He asks, and he almost jumps when you set a hand on ones of his, the one still on the counter top.

“Uh…There uh– There must be something wrong with my eyes, be-because uh–” You clear your throat, and he’s never seen your face go so red, wow. “Because I can’t take them off you?…”

He pauses for a moment before the statement processes through his head and his face goes full cerulean. “uuuuuuhh….”

“What…What I’m trying to say– Is it hot in here? Jeeze.” You tug at your collar, smiling sheepishly. “But uh. I was wondering if maybe you’d like to, I dunno, go see a movie? Or go somewhere for coffee? I’m sorry, I just really, really like you and I couldn’t be quiet about it anymore–”

You stop when you notice his expression. The poor skeleton’s face is completely blue, and his pupils have morphed into tiny hearts. He grabs your hand gently, and before he can chicken out he sputters out a reply.

“yes, hell yes. i’ll uh, i’ll text you later?”

It’s take a moment to sink in but when it does you smile so wide that it triggers his own. “Yeah! That’s cool! I’ll uh, be waiting? Yeah.”

Reluctantly he lets go of your hand and waves with his other, before disappearing and reappearing at the entrance of the inside of his home. 

You asked him out. You asked him out. He’s so giddy, he struts farther into the house and laughs, and it’s such a happy sound. He’s never heard such a sound come out of his body.

“YOU SOUND PLEASED.” Papyrus notes from his spot on the couch in the living room, wherein he’s doing some sort of human exercise program. Sans just beams in reply, hopping up the stairs two at a time to get to his room. “WHAT’S HAPPENED?”

Papyrus knows. He just wants to hear Sans say it.

“bringing them over later this week. you’ll see.”

[ddcassiere]

10 Tips for Hitchikers

Today we are going to talk about something that I thought it might be useful to alternative travellers. And not only, seeing that the general opinion in Europe about hithhiking is relatively ambiguous on how trustworthy is it for moving around and also on how safe is it for both travellers and drivers.

Before we continue I want to say a quick thing, that is: 

the least economically progressed is the country in which you travel, the more are the chances you actually get to meet new friends. Here it is: we discovered hot water! 

Joking apart, in terms of human interaction, I felt an incredible shift from Croatia - west-ward. 

For who doesnt know about my most recent experience in hitchhiking, I travelled from Iran to central Europe in a journey of two years. All by thumb for exception of one or two buses for minor movements.

Hitch Hiking with new friends in the south of Iran

The change of scenario that I experienced from the balcans to Croatia revealed itself in the matter of people being eloquently suspicious, scared and overall, in my humble opinion, nevrotic.

When I reached Poland, I couldnt stress enough this point with my friends, that what I was seeing, by just looking around after a year in the est of Europe and in middle east, looked to me like a horror movie.

People glazing jars of confecture like hypnotized at the supermarket, people reaching to their phone as soon as they were alone, people looking at my rugged clothes as if I had leprosis.. and so on.

For the first time in one year of travel I felt so self conscious about my appeareance  and my general behaviour. 

It was as if the power of dividing humans was not anymore a prerogative of money, but if people themselves had became money.

Never the less I remained in Europe for a while, just to live there and eventually to adapt and normalize myself, Till everything that now I see is normal, or just ok, or it doesnt matter anyway.

Saying this, I definetely love Bosnia Hercegovina, Albania, Kosovo, Montenegro.. I enjoyed my breathing and my being in flow as I rarely had before.

When the driver invites you home and you stay there for days. In the countryside of Banja Luka, Bosnia Hercegovina.

Paranoid is not an issue over there, yet. 

Or if it is, well, I can  tell that in central Europe the state of fear and diffidence toward the human being is much  worse.

Now my 10 tips for the good hitchiker. I hope you find them useful. 

I believe these tips are interesting not only for the traveller, but also for suspicious drivers, as they might realize that after all, its just human beings standing there on the side of the road. And that these human beings, more often than not, are as much as scared as the drivers themself. Of being kidnapped, cutted in piece, raped, eaten, dissolved.. not necessarily in the order.

Now, 

Heading to Albania from Kosovo

nr 1

If you are at your first experiences, I would plan a trip in countries where hitchiking is the normal thing, as diffused and accepted as bus drives. Then, once the confidence is boosted you can bring the Verb of the Thumb to other countries and spread the custom. Do it in the balcans or in Romania for example, where if you are lucky, you wont have to wait longer than few minutes for a ride. But remember that most drivers there expect a symbolic payment after the ride is over. That’s called hay tax, as the tradition roots back to long ago. This lead us to point number

2 

Always ask, before getting in the car, if the ride is for free. And if you dont want to pay, make it clear from the beginning. Otherwise, its not only unfair, but it can be troublesome. 

If you have been told it’s for free, dont let the driver scare you into paying. In hundreds of rides, this happened to me only once, but still it wont help you to show fear as this might easily lead you into being actually robbed.

3

Truck drivers are your best friends! They are definetely scary when you drive by them, but trust these words, there is seldom good people around as truck drivers. Their heart is huge. It would take me several pages to name all the good I have received from truck drivers! Shared meals, cigarettes, long talks, music, laughs, I have been even spontaneously donated money sometimes! If you learn some russian or slavic language this will definetely help in Europe as most truck drivers, at least in my experience, come from slavic countries and they are genuinely happy to have someone to talk to. Be nice, and...

Cool Uzbek truck driver in Turkey

4

Bring some food to share! Nuts, crackers, sweets.. anything that your new friend can grab a bit of. An old calabrian proverb says that you can call someone a friend only when you have shared meals enough to consume a ton of salt. Even though this proverb clearly states that you never know anyone unless you spend huge amount of  time together , this also says that you have to eat with a person to became friends. Or if not, just hand a cigarette, a little present.. anything that would actually show a bit of respect and gratitude.

5

Use Wikinomad! In there you will find the hitchhiking section, organized city by city. So for example, if you are in Prague and you want to go to Wroclaw, it tells you which spots are the hottest and it also contains the reports of previous hitch hikers who have used those spots, by even adding their average waiting time! 

For me this was definetely useful, not only for the directions, that anyway you can find them yourself on google map.. but more than anything for the sake of knowing that there is actually a community and a tradition of travellers .. and that you are not the only madhead.

6

Water is never enough. Especially in summers. If you go a long way and you find yourself stranded in the middle of nowhere, bring at least a 1.5 litres of water and a sleeping bag. 

7

Learn few words of native language. For me it wasnt always possible as sometimes I would cross three countries in a week and words would get all mixed up in my fucked-up brain. But still, try, because its mostly appreciated. And this is obviously valid also for non hitchikers. It sounds bad when you go somewhere and straight away you claim that they know english or worse, your native language. Ok, this might sound an advice for dummies, but I have seen a lot of backpackers approaching people in english as if they ought to understand.

And if you really cant remember few words, at least ask if they speak english before you assumingly start to speak in english.

7

If you are hitchiking in Iran, dont use the thumb up because over there it equals the middle finger of the west.  Wave your hand at waist hight and that will be enough. And make it clear that you dont want the driver to take you to a bus station and that you want to go together to wherever you are headed. 

It’s because mostly in Iran, local people dont know what hitch hiking is. Dont be shy! Just explain, if they speak english. And if they dont, just smile and say the place you are headed to. Ants communicate and they never speak!

more hitchiking in Iran

8

I have seen many backpackers writing their signs in very small cardboards, or worse, with unreadable calligraphy. It has to be at least an A4 carboard and you need to consider that it has to be spotted from far away. This means also that you never ever ever have to stand in a place where if a car stops, you cause an accident. 

I have seen experienced backpackers, and I did it myself once, positioned right after a curve with not enough space to pull the breaks and stop comfortably. Choose your spot carefully, even if it takes a long time or if the ones that you need are occupied. Move further along the street and come back if necessary. Of course you can be picked up anywhere but for the safety of everybody, choose the pitch with care.

9

Especially before your ride, stay away from paranoid people, the ones who have a problem for every solution. Of course you are going to deal with troubles.. but no more than a regular traveller will and with the main bonus that you are going to meet and talk with a lot of different individuals. And this adventure, without you even noticing, will boost your confidence about yourself and will add a huge window into your knowledge and acceptance of humankind. Your senses will be much sharper than the ones of who travels in the ordinary way. And if you do it long enough, surely you will meet new friends and its not rare that you will share also their house and meals and more than just a few hours in their car. You have absolutely nothing to loose by hitchiking, but all to gain for your heart and mind.

And dont fucking rush! If you are on hurry take a flight or a train! Just enjoy the ride, look out of the window and if he/she feels like, have a chat with whoever is the driver. 

cool lawyers with super clean car, pick up hobo with super mudded shoes and trousers - somewhere in Chech Republik

10

Many say: easy for you! You are a man! 

You would be shocked to know that most hitchikers I met where solitary attractive girls. 

Bring with you a chilli spray if that makes you feel safe. Or simply talk your way out of a driver that doesnt inspire you. You are not obliged to jump on anyone’s car and you still have your pepper spray.

I know lot of girls who travelled half world by hitchiking alone and they didnt have more issues than I myself had. 

Saying this, if you are a girl and dont feel confident enough you can still bring a girlfriend with you. Two pepper spray is better than one. 

I met Sam in Montenegro as he was hitch hiking north, then I visited him in Slovakia. Very scary guy as you can see.

This new post of Naked Songs is over. I really hope it comes handy for you, wheather you are a traveller, a curious or anything in between. 

If you have any questions regarding hitch hiking, or busking and general hobo life style, write me via tumblr.   I will be happy to anwer if this will motivate you in any way to follow your dreams and thirst of adventure.

Love and Openmindedness to everyone!

D.

[themoneybuff-blog]

Are you a shopaholic? How to fight a shopping addiction

Yesterday, I mentioned that because I grew up poor, I inherited a faulty money blueprint from my parents. They didnt know how to handle money effectively, so they couldnt teach me how to handle it effectively. I entered adulthood with many of the same bad habits theyd had when I was a kid. I was a compulsive spender, for instance. I had a shopping addiction. I had no willpower, no impulse control. Even when I had no money in the bank, I still found ways to spend. I took on over $20,000 in credit card debt before I turned 25!

Nowadays, I mostly have my spending under control. Im no longer in debt, and I force myself to make conscious decisions about what I purchase. (Conscious spending is one of the keys to overcoming emotional spending.) Having said that, I know that if I relax for even a moment, Ill be right back in my old habits. Ill find myself at the grocery store buying magazines to soothe a bruised ego, or shopping for music in the iTunes store because I had a stressful day. How do I know Ill relapse if Im not careful? Because I do from time to time. When I was prepping for my big talk at the end of June, for example, I felt super stressed and my shopping addiction kicked in. I spent an afternoon browsing on Amazon, putting things in my shopping basket. (I even ordered a few of the things, although I knew I shouldnt.) Emotional spending is comforting not just for me, but for a lot of other people too. Though Im a recovering spendaholic, Im still a spendaholic. Im always one step away from compulsive spending. My story is not unique. What Is a Shopping Addiction? People who have a shopping addiction suffer from whats known as compulsive spending. According to the Illinois Institute for Addiction Recovery: Compulsive shopping and spending is described as a pattern of chronic, repetitive purchasing that becomes difficult to stop and ultimately results in harmful consequences. It is defined as an impulse control disorder and has features similar to other addictive disorders without involving the use of an intoxicating drug. The organization offers the following list of warning signs of a shopping addiction: Shopping of spending money as a result of being disappointed, angry or scared.Shopping/spending habits causing emotional distress or chaos in ones life.Having arguments with others regarding shopping or spending habits.Feeling lost without credit cards.Buying items on credit that would not be bought with cash.Spending money causes a rush of euphoria and anxiety at the same time.Spending or shopping feels like a reckless or forbidden act.Feeling guilty, ashamed, embarrassed or confused after shopping or spending money. Many purchases are never used.Lying to others about what was bought or how much money was spent.Thinking excessively about money.Spending a lot of time juggling accounts and bills to accommodate spending. Ive experienced all of these. In fact, I used to suffer from many of these at the same time. It felt awful. An addiction to spending is a scary, dangerous thing. As with other addictions, victims feel lost and out of control. People who have never suffered from a shopping addiction cant understand the problem, and you may have a hard time explaining it to them. They dont know what its like to see something and feel the urge to buy it now. They dont know the lure of the shopping rush and the subsequent nausea from the guilt have having spent too much. Overspendershave confused and confusing relationships with money, write psychologists Brad and Ted Klontz in Mind Over Money. On one hand, theyre convinced that money and the things it can buy will make them happy; yet theyre often broke because they cant control their spending. Fortunately, Ive learned some ways to cope with emotional spending. Though Im still tempted, I dont spend nearly as much as I used to because Ive developed habits that help me do the right thing, even when the right thing is difficult. How to Fight a Shopping Addiction Based on my own experience and based on conversations Ive had with others here are seven strategies you can use to fight a shopping addiction: Cut up your credit cards. If you have a problem with compulsive spending, destroy your credit cards now. Dont make excuses. Dont jot the account numbers someplace just in case. Dont rationalize that you need them to help your credit score. If credit cards fuel your emotional spending, youre better off without them. (You can always get new cards once youve learned better habits.)Carry cash only. Dont use your checkbook or a debit card. Inconvenient? Absolutely, but thats the point. If youre a compulsive spender, your goal is to break the habit. To do this, youve got to make sacrifices. Spending cash is a way to remind yourself that youre spending real money. Plastic (and to some degree checks) make this connection fuzzy.Track every penny you spend. You may not even be aware of how much youre spending. Back when I let my emotions rule my financial life, I had no idea how many books I was buying, for example. But once I started tracking every dollar that came into and went out of my life, patterns became clear. When you see your spending patterns, you can act on them.Play mind games. For some people, money isnt an emotional issue. Theyre able to make logical choices and not be tempted to otherwise. Theyre lucky. For most of us, however, it doesnt work that way. If youre in this majority, find ways to play tricks on yourself. You might train yourself to use the 30-day rule, for instance: When you see something you want, dont buy it right away; instead, note it on your calendar for 30 days in the future. If you still want it in a month, consider buying it. Ive found that I can keep myself from buying a lot of stuff by simply putting it on my Amazon wish list. I come back later and wonder why I was ever tempted!Avoid temptation. The best way to keep from spending is to avoid situations that tempt you to spend in the first place. If your weakness is books, stay out of bookstores and avoid Amazon. If you tend to overspend at big department stores, stay away from the mall. Stop going to the places where you normally spend, especially if youre under emotional stress.Remind yourself of larger goals. Ive struggled with my weight all my life. Whenever Im tempted to eat something bad, I ask myself, Will this help me or hurt me? The same question can be asked when youre about to make an impulse purchase. Will your new toy bring you closer to your goals or move you further away? (If youre not clear on your larger goals, try drafting a personal mission statement.)Ask for help. Theres no shame in asking for help if youre having trouble with your spending. Talk to a close friend or family member, and ask for support in breaking the cycle of compulsive spending. You may even want to seek professional help. But remember: If you ask for help, dont get angry when your counselors call you on your missteps. Listen to what they have to say. Each of these techniques can help curb your shopping addiction to some degree. Different techniques will appeal to different people. Theres one other strategy that Ive found to be very effective for myself: When I find myself tempted to buy something, I force myself to stop for a moment and ask myself some serious questions.

What to Do When Youre Tempted to Buy Lets say youre in the mall or at the Electronics Emporium. Theres nothing you need to buy, but youre killing time while your spouse finishes an errand. As you wait, you browse. You admire the Thneeds. Look! Theres a new one! Its bright and shiny and you think it will make you happy, so you pick it up, walk to the register to purchase it. Wait! Before you buy, think about the following questions: When will I use this? When you buy compulsively, when you spend on impulse, you tend to acquire a lot of stuff you never use. Look around your home. Do you have unopened CDs or DVDs? Unread books? Unplayed videogames? Do you have clothes that still sport their price tags? Do you have a collection of money-saving gadgets gathering dust in your closets and kitchen drawers? Before you buy something new, ask yourself when youll actually use it and be honest with yourself.Do I have another one like this already? If so, whats wrong with the old one? I use this question in a variety of situations, especially when Im tempted to buy clothes. Kim gets frustrated with my tendency to acquire new t-shirts, for example. You already have five blue t-shirts, she told me recently. Why do you need another? This is also a great question to ask when faced with the urge to upgrade. Do you really need to replace your iPhone?If I buy this, where will I put it? Its surprising how often this question prevents me from buying something new. For the past few years, Ive had limited space to store stuff. First, Kim and I were on the road in an RV with no storage. Next, we moved to a smaller house. If I force myself to think about where Ill store whatever it is that tempts me, thats often enough to make me decide not to buy it.If I buy this, can I pay cash? Would I pay cash for this? When I was in debt, I bought almost everything on credit. I figured I could pay for it later. All of my cash went to pay my credit card bills. I was dumb. Ive since realized that if something isnt worth saving for, if its not worth buying with cash, then its almost certainly not worth buying on credit.Can I buy a good-quality used version for less? I used to be a new snob. I believed that things were only worth buying if I could have them in new, pristine condition. Now I know that great deals can be had on gently used items. This is true of cars, of course, but its also true of games, electronics, clothing, and more. Make a habit of checking Craigslist first and taking a look at your local thrift store.Do I know anyone who already owns one I can borrow? I overheard a story the other day. Evan was preparing for some yardwork and making an inventory of his tools. He decided he wanted a chainsaw. He called his friend Lee to ask for advice on which one to buy. Why do you want to buy a chainsaw? Lee asked. Do you have a lot of trees to clear? Evan admitted that he did not. Then why dont you just borrow mine? Lee asked. When done respectfully, borrowing is a great alternative to buying new.Can I wait to buy this? One of the best things Ive done to fight my shopping addiction is to teach myself to wait. For the past decade, Ive used the afore-mentioned 30-day rule. When I find myself in the Electronics Emporium holding the latest game for the Nintendo Switch, I put it back and tell myself that I can buy it in 30 days if I still want it. The key is to make yourself wait to make a purchase, to not give in to your desire to buy in the moment.Why do I want to buy this? And why do I want to buy it today? Its true that many times Im inclined to buy something because it would fill a need in my life. But just as often I find myself wanting to buy things because Ive recently seen an ad. Or, worse, a friend has shown me some cool new gadget. In these cases, Im not filling an ongoing need; Im simply trying to fill a sense of lack created by comparing myself with others. If I can figure out why I have the urge to buy something, I can sometimes make the urge go away.Are there better options available? This is a great question to trick myself into taking more time. If I find myself browsing Amazon tempted to buy a compound miter saw, for example, I can sometimes talk myself out of it by realizing that I have no idea whether this compound miter saw is the best model. Instead, I go research compound miter saws (or whatever) via Consumer Reports and online review sites. I try to find the best option. Most of the time, the process gets overwhelming: There are so many compound miter saws with so many different features! I lose interest and I save myself some money.What would my partner say if I bought this? Kim isnt opposed to everything I buy, but shes often able to detect compulsive spending when I cannot. Sometimes if Im tempted buy a new toy, I try to put myself in her shoes, to view the purchase through her eyes. If, from her perspective, the purchase seems reasonable, then I consider it. But it looks foolish, I often change my mind. Ive used all of these questions to learn to control my shopping addiction. I dont ask myself all of these questions every time I shop. Each is useful in certain situations. And these questions dont stop all of my purchases. But Ive found that if I give myself honest answers, they can prevent a lot of spending. Additional Resources For more information on coping with compulsive spending and shopping addiction, explore the following web sites: Finally, consider seeking professional help. There is no shame in obtaining psychotherapy for problems that seem bigger than you. Ultimately you must look inward to overcome any form of addiction a therapist is like a trained guide who can help you find the way. The good news is you can overcome this. You can break free from emotional spending. The bad news is that it takes work. It wont happen overnight. Youll make mistakes, and youll backslide. When you do, dont give up. Dont beat yourself up because you bought a new purse or played a round of golf at the new course. Youre human. Keep focused on your long-term goal, and resolve to do better next time. [embedded content] https://www.getrichslowly.org/shopping-addiction/

[themoneybuff-blog]

Are you a shopaholic? How to fight a shopping addiction

Yesterday, I mentioned that because I grew up poor, I inherited a faulty money blueprint from my parents. They didnt know how to handle money effectively, so they couldnt teach me how to handle it effectively. I entered adulthood with many of the same bad habits theyd had when I was a kid. I was a compulsive spender, for instance. I had a shopping addiction. I had no willpower, no impulse control. Even when I had no money in the bank, I still found ways to spend. I took on over $20,000 in credit card debt before I turned 25!

Nowadays, I mostly have my spending under control. Im no longer in debt, and I force myself to make conscious decisions about what I purchase. (Conscious spending is one of the keys to overcoming emotional spending.) Having said that, I know that if I relax for even a moment, Ill be right back in my old habits. Ill find myself at the grocery store buying magazines to soothe a bruised ego, or shopping for music in the iTunes store because I had a stressful day. How do I know Ill relapse if Im not careful? Because I do from time to time. When I was prepping for my big talk at the end of June, for example, I felt super stressed and my shopping addiction kicked in. I spent an afternoon browsing on Amazon, putting things in my shopping basket. (I even ordered a few of the things, although I knew I shouldnt.) Emotional spending is comforting not just for me, but for a lot of other people too. Though Im a recovering spendaholic, Im still a spendaholic. Im always one step away from compulsive spending. My story is not unique. What Is a Shopping Addiction? People who have a shopping addiction suffer from whats known as compulsive spending. According to the Illinois Institute for Addiction Recovery: Compulsive shopping and spending is described as a pattern of chronic, repetitive purchasing that becomes difficult to stop and ultimately results in harmful consequences. It is defined as an impulse control disorder and has features similar to other addictive disorders without involving the use of an intoxicating drug. The organization offers the following list of warning signs of a shopping addiction: Shopping of spending money as a result of being disappointed, angry or scared.Shopping/spending habits causing emotional distress or chaos in ones life.Having arguments with others regarding shopping or spending habits.Feeling lost without credit cards.Buying items on credit that would not be bought with cash.Spending money causes a rush of euphoria and anxiety at the same time.Spending or shopping feels like a reckless or forbidden act.Feeling guilty, ashamed, embarrassed or confused after shopping or spending money. Many purchases are never used.Lying to others about what was bought or how much money was spent.Thinking excessively about money.Spending a lot of time juggling accounts and bills to accommodate spending. Ive experienced all of these. In fact, I used to suffer from many of these at the same time. It felt awful. An addiction to spending is a scary, dangerous thing. As with other addictions, victims feel lost and out of control. People who have never suffered from a shopping addiction cant understand the problem, and you may have a hard time explaining it to them. They dont know what its like to see something and feel the urge to buy it now. They dont know the lure of the shopping rush and the subsequent nausea from the guilt have having spent too much. Overspendershave confused and confusing relationships with money, write psychologists Brad and Ted Klontz in Mind Over Money. On one hand, theyre convinced that money and the things it can buy will make them happy; yet theyre often broke because they cant control their spending. Fortunately, Ive learned some ways to cope with emotional spending. Though Im still tempted, I dont spend nearly as much as I used to because Ive developed habits that help me do the right thing, even when the right thing is difficult. How to Fight a Shopping Addiction Based on my own experience and based on conversations Ive had with others here are seven strategies you can use to fight a shopping addiction: Cut up your credit cards. If you have a problem with compulsive spending, destroy your credit cards now. Dont make excuses. Dont jot the account numbers someplace just in case. Dont rationalize that you need them to help your credit score. If credit cards fuel your emotional spending, youre better off without them. (You can always get new cards once youve learned better habits.)Carry cash only. Dont use your checkbook or a debit card. Inconvenient? Absolutely, but thats the point. If youre a compulsive spender, your goal is to break the habit. To do this, youve got to make sacrifices. Spending cash is a way to remind yourself that youre spending real money. Plastic (and to some degree checks) make this connection fuzzy.Track every penny you spend. You may not even be aware of how much youre spending. Back when I let my emotions rule my financial life, I had no idea how many books I was buying, for example. But once I started tracking every dollar that came into and went out of my life, patterns became clear. When you see your spending patterns, you can act on them.Play mind games. For some people, money isnt an emotional issue. Theyre able to make logical choices and not be tempted to otherwise. Theyre lucky. For most of us, however, it doesnt work that way. If youre in this majority, find ways to play tricks on yourself. You might train yourself to use the 30-day rule, for instance: When you see something you want, dont buy it right away; instead, note it on your calendar for 30 days in the future. If you still want it in a month, consider buying it. Ive found that I can keep myself from buying a lot of stuff by simply putting it on my Amazon wish list. I come back later and wonder why I was ever tempted!Avoid temptation. The best way to keep from spending is to avoid situations that tempt you to spend in the first place. If your weakness is books, stay out of bookstores and avoid Amazon. If you tend to overspend at big department stores, stay away from the mall. Stop going to the places where you normally spend, especially if youre under emotional stress.Remind yourself of larger goals. Ive struggled with my weight all my life. Whenever Im tempted to eat something bad, I ask myself, Will this help me or hurt me? The same question can be asked when youre about to make an impulse purchase. Will your new toy bring you closer to your goals or move you further away? (If youre not clear on your larger goals, try drafting a personal mission statement.)Ask for help. Theres no shame in asking for help if youre having trouble with your spending. Talk to a close friend or family member, and ask for support in breaking the cycle of compulsive spending. You may even want to seek professional help. But remember: If you ask for help, dont get angry when your counselors call you on your missteps. Listen to what they have to say. Each of these techniques can help curb your shopping addiction to some degree. Different techniques will appeal to different people. Theres one other strategy that Ive found to be very effective for myself: When I find myself tempted to buy something, I force myself to stop for a moment and ask myself some serious questions.

What to Do When Youre Tempted to Buy Lets say youre in the mall or at the Electronics Emporium. Theres nothing you need to buy, but youre killing time while your spouse finishes an errand. As you wait, you browse. You admire the Thneeds. Look! Theres a new one! Its bright and shiny and you think it will make you happy, so you pick it up, walk to the register to purchase it. Wait! Before you buy, think about the following questions: When will I use this? When you buy compulsively, when you spend on impulse, you tend to acquire a lot of stuff you never use. Look around your home. Do you have unopened CDs or DVDs? Unread books? Unplayed videogames? Do you have clothes that still sport their price tags? Do you have a collection of money-saving gadgets gathering dust in your closets and kitchen drawers? Before you buy something new, ask yourself when youll actually use it and be honest with yourself.Do I have another one like this already? If so, whats wrong with the old one? I use this question in a variety of situations, especially when Im tempted to buy clothes. Kim gets frustrated with my tendency to acquire new t-shirts, for example. You already have five blue t-shirts, she told me recently. Why do you need another? This is also a great question to ask when faced with the urge to upgrade. Do you really need to replace your iPhone?If I buy this, where will I put it? Its surprising how often this question prevents me from buying something new. For the past few years, Ive had limited space to store stuff. First, Kim and I were on the road in an RV with no storage. Next, we moved to a smaller house. If I force myself to think about where Ill store whatever it is that tempts me, thats often enough to make me decide not to buy it.If I buy this, can I pay cash? Would I pay cash for this? When I was in debt, I bought almost everything on credit. I figured I could pay for it later. All of my cash went to pay my credit card bills. I was dumb. Ive since realized that if something isnt worth saving for, if its not worth buying with cash, then its almost certainly not worth buying on credit.Can I buy a good-quality used version for less? I used to be a new snob. I believed that things were only worth buying if I could have them in new, pristine condition. Now I know that great deals can be had on gently used items. This is true of cars, of course, but its also true of games, electronics, clothing, and more. Make a habit of checking Craigslist first and taking a look at your local thrift store.Do I know anyone who already owns one I can borrow? I overheard a story the other day. Evan was preparing for some yardwork and making an inventory of his tools. He decided he wanted a chainsaw. He called his friend Lee to ask for advice on which one to buy. Why do you want to buy a chainsaw? Lee asked. Do you have a lot of trees to clear? Evan admitted that he did not. Then why dont you just borrow mine? Lee asked. When done respectfully, borrowing is a great alternative to buying new.Can I wait to buy this? One of the best things Ive done to fight my shopping addiction is to teach myself to wait. For the past decade, Ive used the afore-mentioned 30-day rule. When I find myself in the Electronics Emporium holding the latest game for the Nintendo Switch, I put it back and tell myself that I can buy it in 30 days if I still want it. The key is to make yourself wait to make a purchase, to not give in to your desire to buy in the moment.Why do I want to buy this? And why do I want to buy it today? Its true that many times Im inclined to buy something because it would fill a need in my life. But just as often I find myself wanting to buy things because Ive recently seen an ad. Or, worse, a friend has shown me some cool new gadget. In these cases, Im not filling an ongoing need; Im simply trying to fill a sense of lack created by comparing myself with others. If I can figure out why I have the urge to buy something, I can sometimes make the urge go away.Are there better options available? This is a great question to trick myself into taking more time. If I find myself browsing Amazon tempted to buy a compound miter saw, for example, I can sometimes talk myself out of it by realizing that I have no idea whether this compound miter saw is the best model. Instead, I go research compound miter saws (or whatever) via Consumer Reports and online review sites. I try to find the best option. Most of the time, the process gets overwhelming: There are so many compound miter saws with so many different features! I lose interest and I save myself some money.What would my partner say if I bought this? Kim isnt opposed to everything I buy, but shes often able to detect compulsive spending when I cannot. Sometimes if Im tempted buy a new toy, I try to put myself in her shoes, to view the purchase through her eyes. If, from her perspective, the purchase seems reasonable, then I consider it. But it looks foolish, I often change my mind. Ive used all of these questions to learn to control my shopping addiction. I dont ask myself all of these questions every time I shop. Each is useful in certain situations. And these questions dont stop all of my purchases. But Ive found that if I give myself honest answers, they can prevent a lot of spending. Additional Resources For more information on coping with compulsive spending and shopping addiction, explore the following web sites: Finally, consider seeking professional help. There is no shame in obtaining psychotherapy for problems that seem bigger than you. Ultimately you must look inward to overcome any form of addiction a therapist is like a trained guide who can help you find the way. The good news is you can overcome this. You can break free from emotional spending. The bad news is that it takes work. It wont happen overnight. Youll make mistakes, and youll backslide. When you do, dont give up. Dont beat yourself up because you bought a new purse or played a round of golf at the new course. Youre human. Keep focused on your long-term goal, and resolve to do better next time. [embedded content] https://www.getrichslowly.org/shopping-addiction/