#i dont even know where to put all of this hype ive got now

[chocolatespyro]

all the riders in the world are mad at me for speaking facts unfortunately…🙁 ITS OK ive been avoiding them!! :3 i am the number pne cabby fan i know her best

i just kinda wish they Would just confirm one sided cabtube is canon. its so implied atp, if they can make one sided silvercandle canon they can make one sided cabtube canon

i just notice so much like…toxic yuri in ii, i dont wanna accuse them of sapphicphobia or lesbophobia bc i dont believe thats the case, but mlw ships (fantube and silvercandle) and mlm ships (nickeloon) get so much positive attention in the show but wlw ships (cabtube and tacomic) get so much negative attention or little attention at all (testbulb and soapmic).

the fandoms disgregard for wlw in general makes me upset especially since cabby was a core character for many lesbians back in feb-april 2022 especially with her exit interview. i get emotional but that’s because cabby means a lot to me, especially since her exit interview came out just when i found out i was lesbian

sorry for the long ventish thing in ur inbox its been eating me up for a while

-🍭

HONESTLY!!!!!! Theres so much more heavily implied/basically canon content for the straight ships especially and its just like. man.

"But just because they gave fantube a child and everything doesn't mean they're dati-" I mean technically yeah but they're giving a massive amount of attention to that ship with plenty of moments and fanservice for them, even Test Tube straight up getting revenge for Fan against Cabby. Let's not forget the whole meetup thing with Fantube either.

The writers DO notice certain ships being popular and definitely play into that. It's irritating to see people feign ignorance about it when it's right there in front of us.

(I remember seeing a screenshot of Adam tweeting a storyboard of balloon having his hand on nickel with a blushing emoji, but i sadly can't remember where i saw it, i think it was in a deleted tumblr post unfortunately.) (So you're free to take this w/ a grain of salt but if anyone has any information on that. lemme know.)

(There's also the obvious. Silver blushing in ii17 and having a whole scene of him saving her from a shark and everything. I know there's that whole ii18 thing but like, there's no way there isn't gonna be some kind of forgiveness or reconciliation scene after they went out of their way to do all that in the previous episode knowing ii. come on.)

(Test Tube and Fan getting a kid and the crew hyping up the relationship at a convention. Easy.)

Even with some of the more "healthy" wlw ships it's really saddening to see almost nothing for them. ESPECIALLY in season 3, a lot of the female characters have their storylines or biggest moments either revolve around men or they get shoved into a guy's story.

As someone who's been back-and-forth questioning my own orientation, Cabby means an awful lot to me too. In fact, the whole Cabby being betrayed in episode 7 stuff was part of what got me like... VERY attached to her as a character. I don't wanna go into detail, but some parts of it hit VERY close to home.

I've also been thinking.... Cabby is VERY strategic and especially in the earlier episodes she's very serious about the competition. But in ii7...?

She goes out of her way to give a lot of her files to someone she was fighting just a few episodes ago!!! She also doesn't seem to harbor much ill will towards Test Tube either until she realized she was backstabbed!

Now why would Cabby, someone who seemingly only allied "for the sake of the game" do something that could easily backfire so tremendously like that? Why would she put her own possessions on the line in that way for Test Tube?

Haha I dunno. just a thought.

[sickknotdoom]

i love sparklecare ( i really do ) but i don't understand the cometcare au at all and i don't get its hype. the designs look SO rushed ( like it was put together in a 10 minute art challenge ) and is it just me or. is the art style progressively getting worse ( for both sparklecare and cometcare ). i hate how random cometcare is too, i tried reading it and my brain got so fried. i had no idea what was happening. i loved cometcare at first, it was cool when it was JUST pollarrydoomi then they threw in these random ass characters and went "oh yeah. ur dating and have a child." ???? especially with hemera, the only (?) aroace character, why is she with caroline and why does she have a kid. adding hemera and miley into the mix was SUCH a bad idea. also. caroline x doom???? carruni s/x canon ( even though uni is aegosexual/asexual ... ) cometcare had so much potential and it all went down the drain by adding 10 thousand nearsiblings

FORGIVE ME FOR HOW LONG THIS RESPONSE IS

ive been saying exactly this ever since i found out about the cometcare au. literally everybody has a million children with everyone else and im like. why.

this may be a controversial opinion but i am not a fan of carroom (caroline x doom) in the slightest, since caroline is literally shown to hate doom in the main comic. literally all of their interactions involve caroline insulting doom, not to mention the earlier half of volume three.

i know enemies to lovers is a thing but if somebody chucked a full bucket of puke on my head, and then gave my sister this Judgemental Ass Look for offering to clean it up, i would honestly Kill Them. regardless of if they secretly had a crush on me or i secretly had a crush on them or whatever. you cannot convince me these two dont fucking hate eachother.

also i mean this in the most respectful way possible but i feel like theyre sorta erasing carolines sexuality with this? i may be attracted exclusively to men, but allow me to speak for a bit.

i am not at all trying to invalidate dooms agender identity, but. speaking as someone whos agender myself. i look exactly like a cis man. i am assigned male at birth, my testosterone is absolutely thriving since im going through puberty, i look like a man and i have zero intent to ever change that. if someone was NOT attracted to men, they would NOT be attracted to me, regardless of me actually being agender. especially not if i Tortured And Murdered Their Friends.

this isnt invalidating dooms gender identity nor is it invalidating mine, im definitely into something here. as someone whos gay (nblm) i wouldnt instantly develop a crush on lizzo if she came out as agender, especially not after the fucked up shit she did. now apply this to carroom, and miloom (miley x doom). but mainly carroom.

i understand carruni since unis a closeted trans woman, but thats different from carroom in a lot of ways. it would make sense for uni to not alter her gender expression as long as shes in the closet, since she isnt ready to explain to anyone else what she really is to anybody else. caroline and uni have an extremely deep bond too, so ofcourse shed come out to caroline first, and ofcourse theyd develop crushes on eachother. in the future (going off of au's and such), when uni is out of the closet, she is shown to present as her authentic self, and she. does a really good job at it. shes fucking gorgeous in cometcare. so it makes sense for caroline to be attracted to her.

and also uni isnt a serial killer. caroline seems to really dislike serial killers to the point where shed throw full buckets of vomit on them, which is. reasonable.

however again, unis aegosexual (if i recall correctly, uni and hemera are the only characters confirmed to be on the asexual spectrum as of volume four, not including characters that havent appeared yet) so it feels wrong to explicitly sexualize her regardless, especially if the clowns are "uncomfortable" with fans doing the same.

while were on this topic, agreed. hemera (the only aroace character in the entire sparklecare universe so far, including au's last time i checked) has like four other partners in cometcare. i dont think thats a very good idea considering they made it a point to explicitly point out her being aromantic in volume two.

and yeah, the artstyle has been very clearly degrading, i have another post about that.

how the fuck do i end this

[haeroniel-doliet]

A lil updates and thoughts going on rn! Mostly about art again :') putting it under read more tho bc it got away from me again all rambly lmao

Hooo wheee! Life has been a little busy huh. Finally going to work again even if it is pretty much part time, other hobbies im keeping up with, trying to keep up on life admin and its going almost well! Shame im realizing i havent worked on my drawings in well over a month now 😅

Part of me is slightly dreading going back to them rn bc ive spent hours and hours on them already and they still need many hours before i post them....

You know that one guy on like tiktok/youtube shorts whos a really friendly old artist with a hobbit hole studio and does like 1hr paintings that look incredible? Obviously i dont expect myself being rusty and also not with years and years of experience to do the same but wouldn't that be the dream? To be able to just create and be done and happy with it in just an hour or a few and move on. How sad it is how many things i have started and not finished, outting in hours and hours where it doesnt really make even a super significant difference.

Also its that dinluke positivity week thing (god i hope this doesnt show up in the tag lmao sorry) i was really hyped months ago thinking its great prompts and great time to partake in my favourite fandom especially before february 2023 inevitably changes the scene in some way! But all of a sudden mid november is here and thats kinda terrifying! I have no clear idea for any of them, nothing im like desperate to draw and my current drawing doesnt really fit them either. Im thinking maybe i should try like, giving myself idk 2 hrs max to just make something beginning to end and if i hate it its ok i dont have to post it. But maybe i will and it could be fun! Sure i am too tired to properly do anything but idk, even making one post could give me excitement and hype for things i used to enjoy and something that isnt just real life and like job related.

To be fair i could also go for the much more guaranteed dopamine boost and play a video game ive been thinking of playing again for months. Sure i dunno which to choose and im not like super inclined to anything even tho i would like to play multiple of them again, just playing alone is a little boring i guess.

The more i spend just overthinking the quicker my sunday will be over and ill have to do next week and god knows ill be busy!! I should try drawing bc its there floating in my mind and could be easier to slip in into the day routine to do a little here and there rather than like, playing skyrim for 30 mins loll. Or oblivion bc for some reason ive been missing it. Or battlefront, even tho that is really hard to play without really trying my hardest and getting readjusted to the pace of it

Alright ok im gonna set up my digital art stuff, im gonna challenge myself to sketch something on theme for all the prompts and see what ends up catching my attention. If i can do 1 or even a couple of them thatd be really really neat!

[solardick]

Portents are strong today. A soider a dove, teo geese, and a criw all in sync. With present happenings. One after the other.

But, i don’t think those pills are working. Not today.

I saw a pretty girl today. She has those eyes. Those. Intense peircing eyes. That i like. And she has a turn on. Its her neck. I can tell. The guy was too much. I wuestion if he was flirting. But she thought. No. As she seemed to measure me up. I want to go back and ask her what she thi ks about god.

I deal with people like this all day. He says. Have you ever had a hard on when you take a shit? Like it touches the right spot. And you get turned on?

….. no nate ive never had a hard on taking a shit before. Jesus fuck. Had a prostate test done once. Where’s the hype? I think they think i have sexula identity issues. Nope. Last i checked i have a penis.

Ok. Spider on my boot. Running late. Go figure Aries season. Hot tempers. Get a lift and some bite to eat. Two geese fly by. As one walks up to the door. Comes back to say something immoral. And light a smoke. Crow goes by. As he goes back in the teo geese fly by but, not together.

The dove was an after effect it seems. There she was. Perched on the lines slender and soft. I said hello. Or hey dove. And she hoowed back. Maybe that was coincende without the magic. Its was neat though. Cause she looked.

But my new coleage is taken out. And now. There’s literally no one i want to work with stick with these asshole saying bs. Like the above. Or the complete opposite. Oh yeah im the shit i get so much pussy. 🙄 or the other guy cursing and swearing all fucken day. Foot uo uour ass this my foot up your ass that. Fucken cocksuker. Fuck this fuck that. What you prettending to be my father? Suprise gifts in the van im supposed to unload found by someone else. Ugh. Day in day out. Its kike they’re not even trying anymore.

Well i guess ibs is out.

Start lookign for another job i guess. Not like i’ll fond one. But, maybe.

I dont force my words on anyone. People like trouble. Cause they tet to act and be superior. Rightious. Or so crap like that. I dont know. I cant think like that. Goes agaisnt instinct. And if i was involved i’d be like thouse better people who sit by and watch without intent. Half of them are criminal. Yup. Thats life. And that right! I get it. I sense it. Never relished always apart. Over 20 years. I was raised in this. Bred in one direction. Someone else’s. Maybe thats why god talks to me. Its the only real relationship i have. Not a trace if me seeing anything destructive or ill intent on. With concern about tossing my butt on the ground and not putting it in my pocket. Even though im conflicted cause i smoke. And alot of these portents all speak around quitting smoking. And, they keep fucken woth me. Controling output.

That was nice though. A few solid seconds of hard eye contact. Got to keep the tempo low. Bass. Its in the tone. Not really having one. More like static.

When the mind goes into this state. And life is found in these words. And not corrupted out by bs. But they keep on me. And keep bronging it back. Wasting my time. Year after year.

🤷🏻‍♂️ if you talk to nature. Nature talks back. None of these people get that. My family didnt get it either. Neither did anynof my friends. My enemies…. I took anpicturenof the clouds on the opposite side of the eclipse. Wanna see? If you havent already.

Taken at 3:33 pm or 15:33 pm. As time has its own rule to add to the cards.

Over the constelations of Cepheus across to the star Polaris. Below is draco the dragon hovering over the parking lot. What used to do is try and fond connections in mythology. To describe the constelations or add life to its. Pluralized. You wouldn’t use a plural for it. Could say them. But, it’s not a person.

Like type a search.

Well thats not true.

I found a missing word in our language. Its so obvious. Maybe that comes woth learning a new alphabet and different grammar. Thats cool. Still. Wheres my word? I dont want to personalize portents or omens. Yin and yang. Personalize objects. Maybe its a cause of mental illness having an incomplete language. Sundenly tripping balls on gods knows what. And stuff starts coming alive and speaking. Cartons have onjects and furniture alive with personalilities maybe that a reason as to why that word foesnt exist. Its all in the control of the fantasy.

And i dont have the strength or the courage to leave. Ao just keep fucken with me.

But its great. I get to yell at someone all day. While they say. Yeah, no, it’s ok.

Liar.

[starlightkun]

https://twitter.com/smoldejuns/status/1706302164061262004?s=19

ASS HOLE KUN? KUN WITH ASS HOLE JEANS?! LOWER ASS CHEEK?!

i do think holes in jeans like right below the ass cheeks is really cute (especially on girls 🫣🤪) and thats what i thought this was gonna be cause i read the tweet before looking at the images but the way people are like SIR WHERE ARE YOUR CLOTHES when its just the back of his thigh is really funny to me. the gentle teasing reminds me of marks "not-ripped" white pants as well lmao

also NO we are not tired of the stargazing dates they're so romantic and sweet and genuine i feel very strongly about this

also i do agree now thinking about it that dryad hyuck would be so tired after strawbs sunday woo and pupsick jeno AND tdhea jisung that the moment y/n or sungchan even TRY pretending to be oblivious hyuck is pulling out a gun

also “there’s so little literature on half-werewolves, it’s a fascinating opportunity to get hands-on experience and research— hey taro why are you running away i haven’t even told you about my thesis question yet” has me CACKLING omg. theres so many opportunities with mcs student characters and their magic s/os for them to have the most uncomfortable conversations about their s/os "anatomy😏😏😏" under the guise of education with their friends. or for like drmagic, i just thought of renjun straight up sniffing reader to see if he can smell any salt or fishiness (like when renjun sniffed jeno and asked if he put on a new cologne and jeno went "its the scent of my flesh" or that other time renjun sniffed hyuck and asked if he had samgyeopsal) and reader being really fucking offended by it (cause rival dynamics yaknow) and slapping him for girlboss reasons

im also really excited for phantasmagorical now that youve been hyping it up! no hurry of course but i didnt know what to expect from the short description in your masterlist. that and the fact that ive buried myself face first into the strawbs sunday universe for the past 2 months

im so glad i made you laugh with my loserboy sungchan impression! i hope you're having a good day lovely!!!!!

-✨anon

not my mans whorin himself out out here and then being offended when we notice 😭😭 like bestie what did you expect when u posed like that in those pants and posted it for NCTZENS(WEISHENNIES). also my eye is twitching rn btw . having a not fine and so unchill time in my office at work currently looking at this pic. u send this to me and expect me to??? send emails after this??????

also ur "especially on girls 🤪" a fellow women enjoyer i see 😌💅

n there's somethin abt stargazing dates that just get me ok 🤧 like wanting to share the universe w someone 🤧🤧 makes me bawl like a baby idk what to say 🤧🤧🤧

and not renjun just sniffing all of his friends constantly 😭😭 he keeps track of the lunar cycle in his phone for jeno but one day pupsick mc is out of town so jeno was seeking out head scratches from other sources n renjun gets a sniff in and is like???? ur woodsy already?? but the full moon isnt for another week? and jeno is like "DUDE WHAT THE FUCK GET OFF ME" (in reality jeno was laying on renjun's lap but yknow) but rlly jeno was just angsty from missing pupsick mc so it was moving his pre-shift up (pupsick mc comes back in a couple days so the guys dont have to deal w a pupsick jeno again, thank god)

strawbsunday universe renjun confirmed weirdo but nobody is surprised. also. he would kind of be into it if dr.magic reader slapped him im not sorry that IS canon

and i DO need to update that description of phantasmagorical on my mlist now that i've got a better handle on the plot than before lmao

im having a great day, i hope u r too b <33

[ratrap]

Listen, this is NOT your fault and you mustn't be ashamed to seek help, any shame you feel from having gotten in this situation and having to reach out is nothing compared to the shit he's putting you through. I know it's difficult, I know you might feel like because you entered into the relationship it's your responsibility to bear alone but it isn't, he clearly doesn't give a shit about your wellbeing and took advantage of someone who was struggling. I'm not the person who sent the ask about housing, I'll see if I can find anything myself that might be useful though, but it's actually very normal for people in abusive situations to develop unhealthy habits so you could explain the weight thing like that and not have to go into it further. 'He violates me in my sleep' is enough, 'he makes me do things I don't want to' is enough, 'he controls everything about my life' is enough, all of it is enough to show it's not your fault. I know getting in touch with your aunt must be terrifying but if she's the only lifeline left she's worth reaching out to if only to get you away from him for the time being. And keep talking to your therapist of course, now the truth's out she might be able to offer more advice on where to go from here. I'm not into 'that' at all, I think the whole thing's disturbing as fuck and crawling with freaks like him, but I almost wish I was just so if I ran into any shit he'd posted with you I could get the authorities down on his ass for non-consensual content. Don't apologize for his issues, you and your cat deserve to be free.

Also btw when I say how disgusting all this is I only mean the 'community', people like him who exploit others' negative self-image because they want to force someone to eat themselves to death. There's nothing shameful or disgusting about being fat or finding a fat person attractive in the normal way but people like that just hype up the idea no one could possibly want you except them so they can trap people in situations like yours. They're wrong and that's the shit that makes me sick, manipulating fat positivity and others' insecurities around weight to get their messed up kicks while they get to stay slim and feel like they have power over the person they're destroying. Just wanted to clarify as like I say, none of this is your fault and even if after getting away from him and radically changing your life you still stayed a naturally big person that's not a moral failing and you'll always deserve to be loved for yourself not as an object, however far away that might feel right now.

When i got into this relationship i was under the impression cause he told me he wasnt wanting to do this to me i thought he just had a thing for bigger guys than him. I thought he would just want to like touch it and i could deal with that cause i was really lonely lol and i thought he did care about me properly, but he was obviously lying to me and manipulating me. He still is. And he does like having that power over me I know that he does and he constantly infantalises me. Ive always been fat so I dont even know what it's like to be slim like him. I dont feel like being fat is a shameful thing apart from when it comes to me. I would love to be a healthy weight at some point but it is something I really have a difficult time doing no matter what help I get. And it's really hard to look at myself with the same compassion I have for other people. I understand the struggle with it for people like me or who are big but not as big as me, but I just have a hard time with myself as it is, my weight has been the bane of my existence forever and i have immense negative feelings about it. and it's not getting any easier to stop hating myself in an environment like this. it's always been an unhealthy habit or like coping mechanism for me and has been forever so it makes it really hard, and really easy for him to fuck w me. And I dont know where hes even putting the pictures and videos of me which is giving me more anxiety too I hope that people arent giving him money for them. I'm going to therapy in a few days hopefully, and I want to get new clothes to go so I dont have to go out looking like that and having people stare at me I dont know how I could do that. Thanks for messaging me all this. I hope your day is going good. I have been trying to think of what I could say in even just a text to my aunt or something but I am scared about it cause we havent really been on the same page ever, but especially not in the past like five years. Im not gonna tell her the specifics of it but I'll try to tell her like you said and just it's a really bad situation for me and I just need some help and somewhere else to stay for a bit. Im just stressed and dont know where to start. Im scared in case he finds out i want to leave before i get to. And things are getting harder for me to do. Hopefully my therapist will have some type of helpful advice when we talk more. and my aunt she'll probably be mad about my cat too but hes my cat and im not leaving him here

[clulessmess]

ohhhhhh my fucking god.

I need to get around to making that neocities.

EDIT: um. Ok. Accidentally Posted a vent mid typing

I dont feel like retyping any of that so ill just edit this in the morning since its getting late

So yeah here i go free write venting sawry <3

Just gettin them (unfinished) feelings out

fyi recently decided to check out what neocities is abt after hearing friends gushing abt it n after scrolling around sites I got hyped n decided to make my own neocities after I realized this could possibly solve all my problems sdhkhkfgd

first of all,

............. not to bring this up for the 7848234th time but. yeah Im still having spiraling thoughts abt my girl + the AU. Yes, as I said earlier the intensity of those spirals have died down significantly. but unfortunately its still there, at the back of my mind. and uh oh!!!!!!!!!! unfortunately theres days where it spikes!!!! and frankly brothers i cant take these thoughts anymore,, i need a place to get the fuck away from social media 

I honestly feel thats the reason why I have these thoughts. I haaaate having to fucking overthink posting anything that could be percieved as cringe on my own fucking accounts to prevent the possibility that it could be the post could have me marked as a sort of “lolcow” or laughing stalk known to the internet. I haaaaate that when I have to talk to ppl, fuck even my own online friends, i haveta be walking eggshells via the irony mask and hide shit bc if i feel if i do i have justify my stance to not be seen as cringe!!!!!! I haaaaaaaaaate this fucking terminally online paranoia!!!!!!!!

and I know me saying “I need to get away from social media, im growing paralyzingly sick from my chronically online brainrot” and proceeding to still do this in an another online public space instead of just simply just stop posting abt Her + the AU and maybe even mass delete anything abt them if theyre doing nothing but causing me stress is a weird decision.... but ok.. hear me out

as a creative, the alternative (just mass deleting + stop posting)  is just.....feels so alienating? Like we all crave..an audience??? idk how to fucking explain it but we all like the idea of at least a few ppl liking our stuff? And despite all this headache,,, i still care her 🥺

the thought that this thing I care abt, that I made with my own two hands, that I cannot ever show that to anyone.... thats devestating

I think the reason I keep spiraling is that I feel there is no safe space for me to post abt this. Perhaps specifically fear of the wrong type of ppl catching wind of it.

The current online landscape is fucking hell. Irony poisoned n the standards are so high, ppl will not put up with mediocrity or cringe and they will be LOUD and clear about that.

Not even tumblr is safe.

Neocities though, from what ive seen its the fucking safe haven for self indulgence. Its not uncommon for ppl to have these things called "shrines", a small subwebsite within a website commonly used to just like. Infodump abt whatever thing they like, often obscure and maybe a little "cringe" (i dont mean this to insult them but like. Yknow what i mean right)

Additionally, I wont have to worry about the Wrong People" finding out abt me and My Bullshit. Or most anyone discovering me and My Bullshit. Being into neocities is kinda a "niche", most ppl dont know anything abt neocities asides from programming nerds rlly nostalgic for the old days of the internet!

If anyone for whatever reads this made it this far... Yep. I finally actually went through with the decision of deleting any trace of her off both my tumblrs. I will no longer be talking about her on tumblr unless until this game releases.

Its the perfect place to hide her for now....

Besides, ive been let go of the only job my incompetent ass could ever do but probably still fucked up anyways.  Think I need a fucking hobby that could maybe double as a skill so. Why not dust off what little programming stuff I know and expand upon in it in case my moms right and I cant rlly get my art career to pop off

Though... I guess the one downside for this is that while I hopefully wont be able to directly recieve hate about the AU...I dont think I will be able to recieve any possible love for it either.

As much as i hate to sound like some attentionwhore, and as much as i had a crippling fear of being found out by the Wrong People... there is a small inkling hope and..curiosity for people that might like it

Again, neocities isnt well known. The one upside to me posting my GLITCHED shit on tumblr is that this is prrobably? The only place where GLITCHED has an actual fanbase on tumblr, so i could like get engagement (ugh.... Hate phrasing it like that. Like im sort of numbers obsessed influencer. But i cant think of what else to call it. The possibility of the fans + the rare outsider interacting n being able to read nice or funny little notes), so I highly doubt anyone is going to think to click on the link to my Gina shrine since GLITCHED isnt well known either once I finish my neocities. Even if someone was curious enough to find my website + the shrine n wanted to express that they liked it, Neocities doesnt have a built in system where people can send messages to the creator.

I am going to post the link to my neocities, since well. I know that there is a small few who did like her (or just appreciated the passion i had).

[kibblesfitz]

RISE HYPE RISE HYPE RISE HYPE

[karamazovdmitri]

What Russian movies would you recommend?

oh my god where to even start!! i really love soviet cinema so this is most of what i will suggest probably (im kind of meh on most recent mainstream russian cinema, even tho it has great pieces of guilty pleasure movies lmao) alright so settle in well okay lets start with the classics: andrei tarkovsky is my favorite filmmaker, literally anything and everything by him (just dont watch nostalghia first, but i highly recommend the mirror, stalker, solaris if you like SF, or hell even andrei rublev if thats your jam bc personally it is and i LOVED), very contemplative and slow movies though, like. you will need patience to get through his stuff, but personally i always say it feels like someone recorded a dream and you're watching that. it feels really oniric and its like you dont exactly grasp it all and when you try to explain it you cant really but good god its good

then! i will recommend one of my all-time favorite movies, and i mean it, of ALL times, the ascent by larisa shepitko. its about two soldiers during wwii who are sent off to find food, and its one of those war movies that arent really war movies you know but they are about it, and moreso, they're about like Humanity™? anyway one of the most haunting, beautiful and devastating movies i've seen ever. just beautiful in the cinematography, in the acting, in just everything honestly, its raw and profoundly human and also if youre like me and youre all about that religious symbolism? youre in for a... sad sad treat, but a treat nonetheless. it really like. got me deep like i didnt know what to do with myself after watching it but its a masterpiece 10000% (also while im there... also watch larisa sheptiko's other movie, wings)

now another classic is of course the cranes are flying, everyone knows but i need to reiterate it really lives up to the hype... just. some of the most beautiful cinnamon tography ive seen ever. like ill be honest even if i love cinematography in general i rarely go look up a cinematographer specifically but for this movie i HAD to bc some camera shots are INSANE. just one of the most gorgeous movies ive seen ever

if we're still going about aesthetic bc why not... if you liked hamlet by shakespeare, you HAVE to see the 1964 Hamlet movie its sooo gorgeous and such a good adaptation in my opinion like i just think this movie understands EVERYTHING about the essence of the play

now the next one i wouldnt necessarily put on the same scale as the others but good god is it a good watch, and its ballad of a soldier yes its another classic idc the soviet classics arent classics for nothing. this one is a really nice watch. just felt..... really nice and once again war movie thats not really showing you the war itself, i dig this hardcore

okay also ! not soviet lmfao but HUGE mention to alexander sokurov, you probably know of russian ark, if you dont, its not only a fucking prowess of cinematography, its basically one single continous shot for the entire movie and not like. a fake one like 1917 -tho dont get me wrong, loved what 1917 did-, like its deadass. press record, do the entire fucking movie, press stop. its INSANE and its BEAUTIFUL and im in love with sokurov's style, not as well known but i also loved francofonia, tho its a lot more experimental imo and is more documentary than movie, but also not documentary per se, i guess an essay of sorts, kind of confusing but i enjoyed it

i could not do this without of course mentioning one of my comfort movies™, which is я шагаю по мосве (translated as different things, like walking the streets of moscow or i walk around moscow) just a short and really sweet and light movie about . life i guess. LMAO its vague but theres really no real plot in there just a good time and very genuine and also has one of my favorite final scenes ever quick special mentions: courier, which was not my favorite but a really good movie still and it gets me bc its 1980s russia aka my jam, crime and punishment 1970 IF youve read C&P bc umm its an entire vibe, and remember when i said modern russian cinema guilty pleasure? okay well i rewatched движение вверх recently and like. it still slaps. if youre wondering (???) i need you to know i havent watched a zvyaginstev movie since i was like 16 so i dont have a concrete opinion on his stuff lmao)

sorry i wrote like SO fucking much but jaksfbajfbajsfh i hope this can provide you with some stuff of interests and btw a lot of these movies can be found with russian film hub, which basically like searches youtube and whatnot for you since mosfilm are actually pretty cool and do put their movies online

[franeridart]

Anon said: Okay so scrolling through ur jjk makes me even sadder actually. Amazing art tho dont get me wrong ive been here since u were into haikyuu but god this is just adding salt to the wounds. At least its pretty salt with emotional value and stuff

HAH it’s okay I get where you’re coming from lmao personally I find it healing for me specifically to spend a few straight hours in a universe where they’re all happy and okay, but I can see why for some people looking at the could-have-been’s might make it more obvious of how bad things are in canon actually rip

Anon said:Hey bestie its me. I did catch up to the manga. Wtf im in so much pain. But when i recover i apologise for the spam reblogging. Anyways damn. Damn. Just. The manga really hit me

So glad to hear it got to you too 🙏 sorry for the pain, but, I mean, it’s good pain isn’t it! at least there’s that haha

Anon said:your drawings of gojo being clingy to suguru is so cute! ahhh now im thinking about how infinity must makes gojo touch starved so everytime after mission when he knows he's not in danger anymore he always clings to suguru and never let go like an overgrown koala😭❤

Anon the thought of Satoru keeping his infinity off for Suguru and Shoko exclusively and of Suguru being still an exception even after everything till the very end keeps me up at night it’s my favorite headcanon I !!!! love just how deliberate on Satoru’s part every received touch is, it makes the fact that he’s willing to be touched by them so much more significant  😭😭

Anon said: What are your thoughts on Wakunan, if you still in Haikyuu? My favorite member is Matsushima.

I AM in fact still into haikyuu, but anon I’m so sorry I straight up had to google who these guys are I totally forgot they even existed ??? I feel so bad oh my god 😂 I’d say it’s fair to guess my thoughts on them are non-existent m( ,_, )m sorr

Anon said: Wanted to come by and say I love how you do faces and expressions and mapping in your comics. U are super talented and I love your art style, I hope the universe brings you something nice bc your work always brightens my day when it comes across my dash

ANONNNNNNNN the nice thing the universe brought me was your ask!!!! this kind of stuff is so rewarding to hear thank you so much!!!!! <3<3

Anon said: hiii have you added any jjk prints to your redbubble yet?

Not yet! Still trying to figure out if there’s anything worthy of being uploaded on there, since 99% of it was made on procreate and I’m still figuring it out... I’ll see what I can do! Thank you for being interested!!!!

Anon said: It’s been a while since you’ve drawn BNHA! I kinda miss it tbh... but I bow down to your godlike art n( ._.)n Also s5 is out tomorrow and I’m so hyped!!!

Anon said: hi! no pressure, i love your jjk art its so incredible, but do you have any bnha art in the works or have you mostly left it for jujutsu kaisen? either way theyre amazing shows, just asking!

Anon said: Do you still do BNHA fanarts or has your focus shifted over to jjk totally?

It has been a while, hasn’t it! I don’t currently have anything in the work but there’s a couple things I’ve been keeping on the backburner of my brain as a reminder that I want to draw them as soon as the mood strikes - it won’t be krbk tho! Just putting it out there. I can’t say whether I’ll ever draw that again as of now, ngl, I’d need hori to backtrack on what he did with them a lot to feel inspired for them again, sadly 🙏

Anon said: as someone who doesnt read the jjk manga and only watches the anime i am very confused by everything on this blog but were gonna ignore that cuz art pretty

Oh my god it’s just a ton of spoilers for you isn’t it 😂 I’m glad you still stick around despite all of it being meaningless to you, tho!! Thank you so much!!! <3<3

Anon said: I love your drawing so much, it's inspired me to draw more and refine my own art style!! I've got a request tho... how bout kiribaku childhood friends au?? Ik you've already drawn some but they would be so cuuute as children

SUPER GLAD to hear my stuff could make you feel like drawing more!!! That’s always a wonderful, amazing thing to hear!!!! But as I said for now I don’t have any plans of drawing krbk for a while, so sorry! ;; hope you’ll understand  🙏

Anon said: Bruh your reincarnation au, for a good while my brain didnt comprehend that satoru had his glasses hanging of his hoodie but instead interpreted it as one of those school girl tie things. Bruh i thought he was wearing a schoolgirl uniform my mind was goin wild with it

I need you to know that I’ve been thinking about this ask since I got it. It’s been stuck in my brain. It’s just been constantly there. He’d rock it, btw

[blookmallow]

rating spirit halloween’s new animatronics for 2021

or at least what’s showing as New Arrivals on the site for me. looks like we got 15 new arrivals listed here and im HYPE about them so here we go

the caretaker

pretty standard reaper character with a Gravedigger theme to it. hes... fine? nothing about this particularly stands out to me, but i dont dislike it at all. i like his gravestone. would be good for a graveyard set. i guess ill give him... 6.5/10

mr. dark

at first glance he also just looks like a standard reaper character (or voldemort. he definitely looks like voldemort now that i think about it) but it turns out he SPRINGS UP RIDICULOUSLY TALL LIKE A CURSED WACKY INFLATABLE TUBE MAN and the spring motion in the video is actually really fucking fast so, while this isn’t a lot different from other jumpscare animatronics, i gotta give him credit bc i guarantee this would have scared the fuck outta me in person. according to the site he’s almost 9 feet tall at his full height 

i expected him to jump out and scream but i did not expect. That. i feel like if you put him up on a stage or something to make him loom over people even more he’d be very menacing indeed. would also be really good if you put him behind something so you don’t see him until he's suddenly There

i like him, 8/10 springy spook man 

click for more 

grave grabber

pretty much just a zombie but he’s cute i like him. i like the green eyes. i dont know what it is about him in motion but the video makes him kind of endearing to me for some reason and i dont know why. 6/10

ophelia

at first for some reason i thought the monster’s name was ophelia but i think that’s supposed to be the name of the victim? i think the idea here is “girl haunted by a Nightmare” but the fact that the monster itself is so small and doesn’t actually have a body for the most part makes this unintentionally hilarious to me 

like. it. it’s so small. it’s just a little shoulder demon. it’s so cute 

psst. hey do we have any more cheetos

anyway i like how the girl’s eyes move back and forth but the sounds she makes are uncomfortable and she just looks so. stiff and solid and there doesn’t seem to be any movement at all other than her eyes and the monster peeking out so it’s just kind of weird to look at. it’s an interesting concept but the execution is just strange and unintentionally hilarious. 7/10 bc i still think its really funny 

someone should buy this and mod it into chrona and ragnarok 

harriet hustle

WE DID IT KIDS WE FINALLY GOT A FEMALE CLOWN ANIMATRONIC im so happy i could cry i wish my store had her set up i want to meet her  

i love how they have her hanging upside down like this, it makes it so much more visually interesting than the figures that just kinda stand there looking spooky, even though she doesn’t really Do much (she just swings and her head moves around a little, just laughs, doesn’t have spoken lines) 

i love her outfit i love her hair shes SO cute i love this little murder gremlin i love her i love her 

im still waiting on spirit to give us a female clown figure that isn’t “creepy little girl” (ive commented before on how their only female figures tend to be either the Old Hag or the Creepy Little Girl and not a lot else) but i absolutely love this all the same 20/10

this one is fun too because we also have: 

henry hustle

according to the description he’s actually harriet’s dad!! we have an evil clown father and daughter duo here and im LIVING for it

i dont think ive ever seen spirit do characters that are related to each other like this that’s so cute,

apparently his wife/harriet’s mother left them and ran off with the ringmaster. he’s a single father clown trying to raise his evil daughter clown and i support him wholeheartedly

there doesn’t seem to be any more animatronics on this storyline, we don’t have the mother here and the only ringmaster animatronic they have is the rotten ringmaster who was released previously, but i doubt he’s the homewrecker ringmaster in question. he Could Be. imagine if your wife left you for That. we dont even know if henry’s wife was also a clown or not. spirit halloween clown lore going on here

anyway i absolutely LOVE this clown, he does something INCREDIBLY STARTLING AND UNEXPECTED which i dont want to spoil for you. go watch his video and see what he does its great 

my absolute favorite type of halloween animatronic is the “does something completely unexpected” category and this one is ALSO a clown and a GOOD clown at that

and he’s got this great vintage clown style i really like, i love scary clowns like this that actually look like they could believably be a real guy and not just some kind of mutant Clown Monster 

and hes got cards!! card suit motif!!! i love it i love him this is a great clown 20/10 for him too

w. raith 

we have this one at my local store and listen to me. im completely obsessed with this ghost

it’s pretty much just a ghost but it’s SUCH A GOOD ghost. especially in this photo here with proper spooky lighting and everything. i would absolutely LOVE to see this in a haunt attraction, it looks SO good even in bright store lighting. i feel like this under the right lights and in the right environment could look SO fuckign cool  

the shredded rag look!!! the ethereal glow!! the weird jellyfishy movement!!! the classic wooOoO oO o o ooo noises!! this may perhaps be the ideal ghost. it is without flaw. a perfect specimen. i fuckign LOVE this ghost i want it so badly but i do not have the space or the money for this thing 15/10 w. raith my beloved. my true love. maybe one day 

buzzsaw

at first i was slightly disappointed to see that this guy didn’t have an actual name, but then in the description apparently his name is Bill “Buzzsaw” Jackson and his backstory is he tried to be a wrestler but it didnt go very well so he grafted weapons in place of his hands. i guess. you know, to be better at wrestling. i dont really understand it and i definitely would not have gone with “disgraced former wrestler” as the concept for this guy  

but anyway we have mr jackson at my store right now, he’s Big, i like him. he doesn’t really move very fast and doesn’t jump at you, he just kinda swings his saw around. for some reason he just seems friendly to me and i dont know why. makes me think of like an uncle dressed up for halloween rather than an actual murderer guy. i dont know i cant explain it but i like him hes my friend 8/10

wacky mole

this guy’s also at my store this year, i didn’t know his name was wacky mole fsdgjsdg

he’s listed as a new arrival, but i thought i remembered seeing him before, and the description says he’s a returning fan favorite, so. i guess this is a re-release 

anyway pretty standard Scary Monster Clown. his teeth look like candy corn. i like it but i think they should just Be candy corn. i like his colorscheme and his silly giant buttons. light up eyes are always a nice touch. he doesnt really stand out but hes overall a pretty good clown. 7/10

grim

good ol’ classic skeleton. he’s pretty nicely modeled though and i highly recommend watching the video for this guy because he moves REALLY well for a spirit animatronic, he’s got a way wider range of movement than most of them do and his head moves really nicely. one of the benefits of a skeleton animatronic is you don’t have to deal with lip movement, so his jaw movements match with his lines a lot more realistically. i like the animated glowing eyes too, it really gives him a lot of personality. he’s really interesting to watch. like, it’s just a skeleton, but it’s a really really good skeleton, so, 8/10 

BEETLEJUICE!!

i love love love franchise character animatronics and spirit has so much great beetlejuice stuff this seems well suited to them but looking at it............. hm. hm

he just looks so. stiff and his face comes across like, deer caught in the headlights to me. it Does Not look very natural but it looks slightly better in motion (he just swivels from side to side and says a few phrases but it somehow looks less. shellshocked when he’s moving) 

maybe not the greatest execution but maybe he looks better in person and im still hype to see him so 8/10 regardless 

night stalker

we have this guy at my store too, im still not really sure what’s going on with his arms (did he just rip loose from them and leave them behind? did someone do this to him? i dont know) but i love a good spooky scarecrow. love his Wiggles. hes a pretty good boy. 6.5/10

here we have another pennywise, it pretty much just pops out at you, but it’s still pretty good. i like the full size one they had before better, but this one’s slightly cheaper and would be easier to integrate into a haunted house attraction since he comes with a built in set piece. it looks good but doesn’t do much. 7.5/10 i guess 

GHOSTFACE!!!!

FUCK YES I’VE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS

please. please spirit halloween set him up in my store so i can see him

anyway hes got kind of the same issue beetlejuice has where the figure just. looks kind of stiff, and he looks more like a spooky ghost decoration than like, A Person. he doesnt seem to have any lines or anything either, he just kinda pops out. but then again i guess whenever we see ghostface in person in the movies he doesn’t usually talk anyway. i dont really know how id make this better but it seems a little underwhelming somehow. still hype to see it though. 7/10 i guess 

now if we could just get a jack torrance and a bela lugosi dracula id be content 

i would LOVE to see Red from Us but i doubt they’d do one. my other horror beloved is norman bates but i know if they made one of him it’d just be him in a dress waving a knife around (not that i wouldn’t still be hype to see him, but, y’know) (anyway. tangent. moving on) 

mr. howle 

it’s. a werewolf. he howls. that’s....... about it 

it’s a very nice looking werewolf, it’s a well designed figure and definitely looks very imposing, but it’s... just a werewolf. there’s not really anything particularly interesting or creative here. its a perfectly good werewolf. i dont have anything to say about this. 6.5/10 

i also just am not a werewolf person so maybe someone out there who has a greater appreciation for werewolves might like him more 

[thevalleyoftriumph]

can you talk more about DarkMango...? i am hungry for content/lh/nf

HEHEHE OF COURSE ANON sorry for taking like two hourz to get back 2 u i waz playing a game w a friend

i put Too Much Rambling so im shoving it all under a cut

anywayz mmm. darkmango. :] i like to think that while both dark and mango arent the best people they genuinely do make each other better. not even realizing it, sure, but they encourage each other to be better people! [dont get me wrong theyre still fucked up and evil villainz but theyre just nicer sometimez now /hj]

ive got a few doodlez lying around where theyre literally just holding each other and staring fruitily into each otherz eyez /hj itz nice . i like to think they both know how to dance, be it from learning on their own or one teaching the other !! sometimez theyll dance w each other :] im a cheesy bitch so my favorite thing ever iz imagining characterz waltzing together itz cute to me

hmm. mango iznt a huge fan of spiderz, but despite that, he iz Very interested in darkz virabotz i think. hed pick one up and sorta look it over and ask dark a bunch of questionz, and obviously dark will w/o hesitation just fuckin infodump about them, which i think mango would do that thing where someone iz listening to someone they love talk and they just stare at them w the most love stricken face ever, just pure no thoughtz, head "i love thiz person so much."

darkz a very animated talker too, id think, so youd have thiz contrast of one guy very animatedly talking and waving his armz around excitedly and the other watching with almost literal fuckin heart eyez, head on the hand and everything LMAO

they probably act both like a new highschool couple [ie, very touchy, stupid/cheesy pet namez, all in all being very loud and open about it] and also simultaneously like those cool unclez at family gatheringz that have a job theyd probably get in legal trouble for lol, all cool n shit. definitely the type of guyz to be the "partnerz in crime" type of couple.

ohh speaking of that, if they were to actually 100% team up and try to take ppl down, they would be a TERRIFYING opponent. forcez to be reckoned with for real. like, you got a godlike entity that can destroy the very thing that makez you up [ie, code], and ANOTHER guy thatz trying too hard to be a god with a staff of an item that can decimate you INSTANTLY if he so chosez. they both just choose not to do thiz bcoz a, dark likez his family, and b, mango likez being a king with power over people, not an empty world. lol. so yknow itz a win-win for everyone involved.

oh god theyre probably the kindz of ppl that are alwayz like . near each other in public. like alwayz gotta be holding handz or shoulder to shoulder or even one of em sitting on the otherz lap while talking to someone else, not even in a weird way just in a "i NEED to be making contact w my bf right thiz instant if i dont i will DIE" way yknow /j [touch starved mfz /j /j /j]

dark would hype mango up for shit like fightz or just taking over villagez n shit. like "fuck yeah baby you get their assez u can do it ily" type stuff lol.

mango on the other hand would be more of the type to silently encourage dark? like while dark would Literally stand on the sidelinez and shout encouragement, mangoz more the type to quietly encourage shit and supporting dark. bringing him stuff he needz for his little virabotz, giving him a kiss or something of the sort after winning a fight, hell, hed probably fucking clap for him lol

hmmm. thatz all ive got so far but :] i really do like theze two i need to draw them more tee bee aych. im glad therez other darkmango likerz out there lol

[randombubblegum]

what do you think he did wrong with gh?

i think there were a lot of things that went wrong this era, some his fault, some just unavoidable pandemic stuff...... (long)

firstly it was a stupid, boneheaded move to leave hopeless for 300. i said so the day it happened, im saying so now. honestly the choice to forcibly distance himself from the “pop punk” label AT ALL was a bad move!! i understand he doesnt like it and i agree with him that parx music isnt pop punk. however their literal ENTIRE BASE is pop punk/emo/alt fans!!!! how many fans do you think parx has that didnt get into them from another emo band or doesnt also like other emo bands??? very few. and have you noticed a huge lack or press/magazine coverage this era??? huh its almost like their biggest friends in the journalism world were ALT MUSIC MAGS like ap, kerrang, rocksound, etc.... hopeless being an alt label it was rly easy to score those features!!! now its harder!!!!! 300 isnt promoing them at all and hopeless put them in times square!!!

also 300 is just a nightmare of a label, a fact that is easily googleable (and that we googled on like. day 1) just look at the merch rollouts this era hoooly jesus.... and their idea of “promo” is to buy instagram ads and? stories on random ppls pages?? like “dm for promo” type stuff??? that being said the way awsten is publicly beefing w them WHILE SIGNED and encouraging fans to harass them is like sooo childish and unprofessional its insane...... how did u not learn ur lesson when equal vision took dd and ent from u..... grow up dude.....

also for him hyping up the aesthetics of this era as better than all other eras theyre really.... not all that..... awstens always been rly good with cultivating aesthetics so to see him drop the ball like this is a bummer :( the music videos are cookie cutter no budget lip syncing vids, merch is the UGLIEST ive ever seen, even his personal aesthetic isnt up to par outside the flashy hair color (but that might just be a personal opinion)......

i cant imagine how hard it must be to be a band during the pandemic but also. my god. the way he conducts himself on social media this era. suffice to say its gone from “cute and cheeky” to like “there is something deeply wrong w the way u are interfacing w the world” and i dont think retweeting fans trying to get your attention by gushing how artistic everything u do is is like... the cool band promo u think.... it is.............

as for the music itself i dunno.... he signed to 300 specifically so nobody could give him any artistic guidance or feedback and i understand that desire but i think the music suffered for it. i think listening to the 5 people you “trust” who also happen to be your friends, labelmates, and/or managers is not incredible for pushing yourself creatively... also just because YOU assign all this meaning to the art u make doesnt mean the art actually conveys that meaning especially if it is abstract..... and getting mad at your fans for not “getting it” is not a good look i think? maybe make music that resonates with more people and more people. will like. connect to ur music.

also i miss interviews where it was the band talking and showing off their personalities and friendship because THAT his how you build a fan base. that is how you make people care about and root for you. waterworks with waterparks? waterparks plays guess that band? waterparks at the rocksound carnival?? that stuff!!! thats how you make people love you!!! other boy bands like bts and 5sos have it figured out, why havent you!!!!! you need to know thats how u got these fans right.....!!

sometimes an album just doesnt do well and thats life. it doesnt mean the album is bad!!! look at folie à deux for instance!!!! but i think this album “flopped” compared to past releases largely in part to the choices awsten made personally and professionally and hes not handling it well at all. not every album is gonna be a breakout hit even for VERY successful bands and thats ok and to be expected but it sucks that awsten put all his eggs in one basket here

i like parx a lot and i care about these dudes deeply (albeit parasocially) and it sucks to see them doing meh, i want them to do well, be happy, have fun, be successful..... its hard to root for people who act like they deserve to be on top and get mad when they arent tho :(

[pespillo]

man.  

you know what , yeah , ive been a major jackass for gd knows what long, i am bossy, i am annoying at times, i tend to take the wheel umprompted , i think I Know SOOOO much even when really im throwing stuff at the wall seeing what sticks best, i hype myself up because i legitimately feel like i need to do it , maybe im overcompensating a lot, i know i can make people feel Bad when i talk to them and criticize them , i think you all got all the right to criticize me when its due, i Should Drop Shit faster when some things turns out to be bad and not just hold the hot coal 6 months after the fact because my head tells me “there may be a chance things do an upturn right? maybe theres some inner company logistics i dont know about” n wait around like a fucking dog, barking but not biting . I Should have bitten. Maybe i should have been a kinder person sometimes , maybe i should have been a meaner person other times . And if i ever made you feel bad over something small, i Am sorry, i mean it, you deserved better.

but when i tell you all you dont know even half of me i really mean it, you guys dont know the fucking shit ive been through the past 5 years dealing with family and unemployment , i know it seems like i fucking got it alll together , that because i draw well enough to gain a measly income every month , im just living la vida loca and building this hugeee ego about my persona online , You dont fucking know me , and if you do? lemme tell you, i got dumped out from a newish group because apparently they couldnt Ever Tell me that i was a bit too bossy when roleplaying for a stupid fucking arg , they just decided to all block me and ghost me , PRETENDING to be all like “no no we wouldnt ever just cut people off like that lol” , i tried acting like i was gonna be fine, but i felt worthless and abandoned for a good ass month or two , like i did something  so awful that it was just better to dump me off like that without any answers or closure , turns out , it was just some petty rp bullshit because how dare i tell someone that their writing can be a bit Much i guess. and you know what ? after i learned that this month, im done being a spineless doormat , i realized just by this stupid drama, i WAS being a doormat to cawthon , i was treating this franchise like it was a real “friend” just because im horribly mentally ill about it and let it overtake me in my late teens, and since it was sooo hard to dump a “friend” i just felt like i JUST couldnt do it full on. thats so fucking dumb isnt it?

listen i have no fucking idea where some of you get the idea that i am some kind of , harasser or some shit like, fine , if you build this idea of me in your head because you think i receive too many compliments (its not like im asking for them , i am not gonna reject Kindness) sure whatever, but i dont waste my fucking time sending anons or calling out random people for nothing, literally i just sit here having to witness vile shit out in the public from people who are legit unapologetic and then putting out a post or two saying “hey what the fuck is wrong with these people please dont expose vulnerable people to the gross shit you put out for sexual gratification”. When do i ever act like im hot shit? i feel like a fucking wimp every day of my life, i feel like im a fragile bitch about everything , like i walk around and feel like i wanna cry but im supposed to suck it alllll up because im a grown ass man now and i need to keep people i care about safe , at all costs, even if most of the time i really wanna say “i wanna kill myself” .  

ive said this before, but i am not gonna lay my guts in the sun for strangers to gawk and look at me , not anymore. this is the LAST time i am laying down my problems like this , if you want to seriously talk to me. do it , do it because i literally dont care about blocking random people , i am not gonna fucking block any of you unless you legitimately want me to or , actively try harassing me or harm me or others . And i have good faith in so many people, you should feel good about yourself for having guts to tell it like it is.

anyways, i wish everyone a happy new year´s eve or just , a happy new year, keep yourselves safe and have a good time 

[theravencawsatmidnight]

Pink Chains (cont.)

Kyotani owns a grunge /punk apparel shop after leaving the Sendai Frogs after a incident with the Black Jackals. He designs his own clothes and hires Oikawa & Iwaizumi as his employees. Everything goes smoothly for awhile, till you walk in; pink dress, big smile , and bubbly personality. His whole life stops in that moment. 

Punk! Kyotani x Bubbly F! reader. Aka my favorite cliche trope. It lives in my head every second of the day.

Brief Violence

The rest of the first half and all ive got so far ! / first half at the bottom !!

Your home was a cheap studio apartment not far from the college; a small studio with a cute bed by the window , a table with a bunch of markers with a big sketchbook sitting in the middle . You had the basic needs and a little couch in the corner but no tv , but there was a little pink cat bed next to the couch.

Kyo stuffed his hands in his pockets looking around the studio , it was weird being in a small studio for him since he has a home . Everything seemed shoved into one or two spots. He sat down on the couch and you were looking a little embarrassed, fussing with your dress .

“I know its not much but ! Its my little space heh, Mocha is probably in her little house sleeping. She will wake up soon though now that im home !!!” You picked up some clothes out of a basket. “Ill be right back , make yourself at home!”

“Okay sweetie.” He leaned forward dipping his head down to look in the cat hut . He could see a tiny kitten sleeping in it and smirked leaning back into the couch getting comfortable, well as much as he could in tight jeans. Kyo peeled his jacket off and pulled his phone out to check it .

Group Chat

Mattsun/ picture

Oikawa/ OOOOOO

Iwaizumi/ i knew pink was your color

Kyotonai/ guess where i am

Iwaizumi/well i dont see you so not at home

Oikawa/ are you at her house ?!?

Kyotani/yep, invited me to stay the night

Mattsun/ oh my , how adult

Kyotani/ shut up Mattsun

Oikawa/ hope you brought condoms

Iwaizumi/ be gentle with her

Kyotani/we aint gonna fuck i just didint want to leave yet

Oikawa/ 😙😙😙😗😙😙😙

Mattsun/ 😳😳😳😳😳

Iwaizumi/ 😒

Kyotani / i hate all of you

Iwa,Kawa, Mattsun/ 💕💞♥️

Kyo put his phone on the table when he saw you come out of the restroom, you were wearing a red panda shirt and matching shorts . Mocha emerged from her home too and meowed for attention . Kyo could not stop looking at you, so cute, so , so cute..

“Mocha! “ you bent down and picked up the brown kitten taking a seat next to Kyo to show him. “Shes a rescue ! I saw her all alone and i just had to help her.”

Kyo took the kitten from you and set it on his lap to pet her. “Shes cute” he leaned back tugging at his jeans trying to relax.

“Whats wrong?” You asked, Kyos lap to pet the happy kitten.

“Had these jeans on all day, i dont want to.. make you uncomfortable.”

Mocha nuzzled into Kyos stomach getting comfy and looked like she was not movin for any reason.

“I dont mine but.. you better do it fast because Mocha is not gonna care that you wanna take em off.”

Gently he lifted to kitten to fuss with his belt , you giggled getting up and grabbing your sketchbook. “Can i show you.. heh my drawings.”

“Of course sweetie, you draw?” He asked , pulling his jeans down with one hand and Mocha in the other. Kyo had on black and pink boxers . “Ugn finally..” he set Mocha back on his lap and placed the jeans on his jacket feeling a little unsure if he should have taken em off.

You hid behind your sketchbook when you saw him on the couch in his boxers. Kyo had tone legs from volleyball and a few tattoos on his legs along with some bruises and knicks.

Kyo looked down at Mocha feeling a little embarrassed. Why were skinny jeans so damn uncomfortable after a while? He asked as he pet the little kitten.

You sat down with him criss cross with the sketchbook on your lap. “Yep! I'm in college for art and design. I want to one day get picked up by a clothing store and have my drawings on shirts”

Kyo leaned towards you looking over the sketches with wide eyes. They might have been all cute things; like kittens, red pandas, hearts, patterns and space but they were so damn good. “You have a real talent these are awesome.”

“Really?!?”

“Yes sweetie. Id put these on my shirts. Oh that reminds me..”

“Oh my gosh!! Kyo that would be so cool!” Gently you placed the sketchbook on the table and looked at Kyo, he was a looking a little unsure of himself. “Whats wrong..?”

“Why exactly did you come into my store ? Ive never seen you in it before”

“ uhm Kyo.. you have a shirt in the window with kittens on it.. so.. “

He laughed wrapping his arm around you making you laugh too. “My ‘Sad Day’ shirt? With all the grumpy cats?”

“Its so cute, how could I not!!!” You hit his chest lightly not liking his tone.

“Okay okay.” Lightly he grabbed one of your hands holding it close. “Happy you did, really.” His eyes drifted off you and around the room.

“Kyo?” You inched closer, picking Mocha up leaning down to place her in her hut.

Kyo picked you up and sat you down on his lap facing him, placing his hands at your hips. He leaned back spreading his legs. “Yes? Sweetie..?” You could feel he was a little hard, it was really hot between your legs..

“Im happy i did too.. i really like you.”

His heart thumped a few times. “First girl to say that to me…” he rested his elbow on the arm of the couch to support his head. “I wasn't the nicest guy in highschool, i'll never forget the day Yahaba slammed me into that wall and told me to get my shit together.”

You looked a little sad at his words, Kyo only mentioned his aggression one other time but even then he sounded upset and full of regret.

“Do you want to talk about it?” You asked him , cupping his cheeks so he would look at you. His eyes told you ‘yes, yes please.’ But.. “No, i just want to hold you if that's okay.”

“Okay. If we fall asleep my alarm is going to go off at 8 so sorry in advance.” You got comfortable on his lap and Kyo tipped your chin up so you were looking at him.

“Would you be more comfortable on the bed?”

“Yes i think so. I dont think i can sleep like this. Hehe.”

Kyo gripped your hips picking you up, he stepped over Mochas hut and brought you to the bed to lay down with you, his face a little red. You latched onto his sleeve closing your eyes and drifting off. “Night Kyo..”

“G’night sweetie..”

Fuck what was he doing ? Talking about it will help.. right? Kyo had to wait a bit before you were fully asleep to get up and grab his phone.

Kyotani/ Iwaizumi

Iwaizumi/ Yes

Kytotani/ keep this between us

Iwaizumi/ you didn't hit it and ditch did you?

Kyotani/ what? No.

Iwaizumi/ are you scared to make it official Kyo

Kyo stared at the text for a few minutes reading it over and over .

Iwaizumi/ is it the anger issues

He squeezed his phone and sat down on the couch dialing his phone.

“Im scared ill lash out or something”

“Mm.. when was the last time that happened again?”

“The Tourney against the Black Jackals.”

“Ah yes, think Kei had to pry you off Bokuto or something right?”

“Yes… Iwaizumi i can't lash out at her. I just can't, i mentioned Yahaba and that day and she asked if i wanted to talk about it”

“You said ’no’, didn't you” Sigh “Kyotani she's not a threat, she's not an enemy . She's literally just a girl who likes you. Open up to her”

“How.”

“Uuhhmmmm, tell her you want to talk about it. I'm going to bed. You can do this Kyotani”

He hung up .

Kyo rubbed his face for a minute and glanced at you for a minute then back to his phone opening up Messages.

Kyotani/ Mattsun i know your asleep but invite Yahaba to the beach volleyball.

He set his phone down and very slowly made his way back to you. He wrapped his arms around your sleeping body and shut his eyes tight trying to sleep.

**

In the morning Kyo was awake early browsing on his phone, he stared at the screen for a minute before pressing Play on the video.

-flash back-

‘Another score for the Black Jackals!!! It is Match Point !!! ‘

The Sendai frogs were tired, sweaty and losing this Tournament. The Black Jackals were still full of energy and ready to go . It was a very hard game for both sides and Bokuto kept testing Kyotani, this was the first time he met the loud grey haired boy and he just did not like him. He knew Hinata but he did not like him too much.

Kyotani was doing better at keeping his temper under control and his team figured out how to hype him up without making him angry. Kei was not too fond of him but then again he did not really need to be, they just needed to be on the same page on the court.

That owl boy though, he was loud, annoying , and just testing him. Kyotani knew it, every serve, block, and spike was for him to clear or get rid of . Kyotani got hit with the ball a couple times and thats when he lost it.

‘Kyotani has taken another hit from the ball!!!’ Yelled the annoucer .

“Hey hey hey?!! Eye on the ball yea!??”

“Dont let it get to you” Kei told him .

“.........”

“..Kyot-“

He was on the other side of the net ontop of Bokuto punching him .The whole building was dead silent.

The last thing Kyotani remembered was hearing the announcer describe what was happening and Kei pulling him off of Bokuto.

He quit the Sendai Frogs that day, took his last check and left not looking back. He opened an apparel shop he called The Dog House and got in touch with his old highschool teammates starting over.

-end flashback-

You woke up to see Kyos hand on your head , you were not fully awake so you just laid there enjoying the nice feeling on your head. Mocha had also joined you in bed and was between you both sleeping. Kyo smelled like leather… an old leather that was renewed, it made your nose crinkle a bit. Looking up you saw he had a collar tattoo with spikes on it on his wrist . It was kinda silly but kinda cute too , although you wondered what it meant.

A minute later your alarm went off and you whimpered letting Kyo know you were awake. He let go of your head to slam your alarm clock off. He looked upset or angry in the face, and he was still staring at his phone.

Slowly you got up and gently placed Mocha on your pillow so you could scoot closer to him. “Kyo? Did you get any sleep?”

“I have to show you something.” He said as he turned his phone to you pressing Play again.

You were holding the phone now, it was alot heavier than yours . You had watched the video a couple times and everytime Kyo punched Bokuto you flinched. After the second time you placed the phone down to sit facing him.

“Kyo..”

He looked the other way running his hand through his hair.

“Kyo?”

He wanted to run away so bad. Start over again. Someplace without people like -

“Kyo.”

You were between his legs now , he had his knees up and was resting his elbows on them and still did not look at you. Dammit Mad Dog just say something to her, she's right there, dont shut her out.. dont shut..

You grabbed his face turning his head, kissing him, catching him very off guard. Kyo fell back taking you with him . You had no intention of stopping and just kissed him more and more even though he cursed between breaths. Kyo grabbed you lifting you up off his face and chest. You frowned at him and sat down on his lap once he let you go, cheeks flushed and very embarrassed.

“S..swee..sweetie”

“You aren't like that anymore!” You told him while you rubbed your eyes.

“Sweetie no don't cry please..” he sat up taking you in his arms rubbing your back in circles. “Sshh..”

“Please.. talk to me..” You sniffled into his neck squeezing him tight.

Kyo was shaking .. you were shaking . He laid his head on your neck starting from the beginning.. the very beginning. Every few minutes he would stop to check if you were still crying. He would cup your face and wipe under your eyes and ask ‘Are you Afraid of Me’ and you shook your head saying ‘No’ every single time. You were both tearing up by the end of it, Kyotani told you about Yahaba, Highschool after Iwa & Kawa graduated , how he became a Pro and Bokuto. The look on his face just made you so sad and seeing you sad was something he never wanted to see.

“Sweetie.. how , how can.”

“I like you Kyo, a lot. I'm not scared, never will be.”

“I'm so scared ill lash out at you sweetie.”

You grabbed his hand holding it and running a hand up and down his sleeve while you talked. “Kyo.. you let me touch your wolves. When we first met in your shop i noticed you were rubbing it a lot , like you were worried or you thought id just out right touch it”

“I..”

You kissed him again and wiped your eyes free of stray tears. “I want to be with you Kyo, i wanna.. see red pandas with you”

He laughed at that and so did you.

“I already said i'd take you didint i?” He asked cupping your face .

“Just making sure you know i really wanna go heh..”

“I know sweetie, believe me i know.” Kyo kissed you and you blushed wrapping your arms around him.

The alarm went off again too.

••

@zoppzoop @mocha-babes @haikyuu-but-low-iq @milkbreadcat @kozushiki

••

[madisonrooney]

oh im a week late but i meant to make a follow up post about the l&m props i got so here

im still not gonna delve into it too much for privacy reasons (but fr dm me if you wanna know i dont mind telling people individually at all) but yah i now am the owner of several props from liv and maddie and like....

i knew this before. its just that this whole experience has reminded me that just...

liv and maddie is just IT for me. it is THE perfect hyperfixation/special interest/fandom etc and its amazing that thats still the case almost 5 years since its ended. ive had a lot of amazing hyperfixations throughout my life but they often had one fatal flaw, were all in all good but just werent as intense as others, or something along those lines. but man....l&m is and was all i couldve ever wanted and i am so fortunate for that.

before l&m and since, ive wanted to be involved in a show’s fandom. maybe not actively interacting with people or making content, but being up to date on all the jokes and memes, the hype over new announcements, etc. no other show has quite clicked for me in the same way. either i just couldnt get into it enough or i forced myself to act more into it than i actually was. nothing really hit the nail on the head, but l&m did.

i kept up with the crew on social media, had inside jokes about them and the show itself, kept up with all the announcements, even the smallest ones, every last still that would come out from every ep, etc. and it was just so GENUINE, which i feel like i haven’t felt on anywhere near the same level since. that may seem like a weird thing to acknowledge, but its just that feeling of desperately wanting a hyperfixation that just clicks for you, and if nothing does, you have to find something you love just enough and practically force a hyperfixation out of it bc youre desperate to feel something. its no fun. l&m just had it. the insane amount of joy i got out of every little thing it gave me is unmatched. not only was it something i desperately needed as i was still recovering from my abusive relationship when it started, but even when that was far behind me, it still felt so so good.

it felt that good long before i met the cast, went to tapings, etc. i never couldve anticipated that, and i wouldve been more than happy even if that never happened. but that just skyrocketed it to another level, something i didnt expect to have with ANY of my fandoms.

and at the same time i made a....friend bc of dove?? and we went to all these things together and made up inside jokes and headcanons and??? it was just so good???

and even now, long since the show has ended, im still benefitting from it. id also always dreamt of being one of those people whos just KNOWN for being obsessed with this one thing and to the point where they know the cast and crew, own props from the show/movie, etc. i see people in other fandoms whove done that and ive always been a bit jealous, not knowing what id have to do to get there but hoping i was worthy of it. im not as active on social media that the cast and crew are actually ON so that made it less likely to happen, but ive never been the type to put myself out there and ask for things like that. even so, i didnt even have to do that for things to work out the way i wanted, and im so so grateful for that.

this has become a little rambly bc i meant to make this post last week and have probably forgotten some of what i was gonna say so im just going on now but hopefully you get the gist.