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#i dont have the energy to keep friendships alive
pretty-ichor · 11 months
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i feel like i should be over it by now but im not
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aseaofbutterflies · 2 days
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!! Follow up post to this post !!
So I'm now fully caught up (i think) to ch50! A lot to take in so bear with me here but here are my thoughts:
(Please ignore any spelling/grammar I'll fix it later)
The Rakuzaichi Arc:
Probably one of the best arcs I've read in a while! Opens up the world of Kagurabachi really well and introduces to lot of different dynamics within Japan. I find it interesting that sorcerers are allowed to be out and about in public and it's just kind of normal ? Also that fact that everyone just turns a blind eye to the auction..... Also the Kamunabi's decision to buy the Shinuchi... doesn't sit right with me.
Hakuri
Oh boy oh boy was I excited when Hakuri was introduced. Yes ive seen the numerous yaoi kagurabachi posts....
Hakuri what a sad little guy.. love sad little guys <3 But his insane evolvement in this arc i thoroughly enjoyed!! I think his sorcery is very cool and his version of the storehouse is so interesting. It seemed like an open space as opposed to his father's structure storehouse.
Hakuris storehouse it seems was built out a subconscious need to protect himself from his brother's abuse. The things Soya used to abuse him 'dissappears' when in fact Hakuri subconsciously transports them so they cant be used. Its awful and horrific and yet such an interesting way to show subspaces can manifest. His other power Isou has the potential to be very powerful and deadly. Through guidance he learns to control his spirit energy which has been active for most of his life again subconsciously. What if things had been different?
I think Hakuri ultimately is a sad character, the Sazanami clan aren't a loving family. They just raise and manipulate the next generations in order to keep the auction (and in tune the family) alive and afloat. The Sazanami clan rely on unwavering loyalty to the cause, which of course Hakuri doesn't agree with. His experience of sibling abuse and his conversations with the Ice Girl opens his eyes to dark reality of his family. Once Hakuri realises that its hard to turn a blind eye.
At somepoint everyone needs to experience a homoerotic relationship with their friend and boy oh boy....
His relationship with Chihiro is interesting... it seems he admires him as a samurai. Chihiro took interest because he was a Sazanami. I think they are also both each other's first friend around their own age. I think Chihiro and Hakuri have similar goals which is why they work well together. There is something i think drawing them together but I dont know what... Im excited to see how their friendship progresses!! Also what do you mean Hakuri smells of Chihiro????? It is because he's registered???
The Kamunabi and The Hishaku
Finally got introduced to the Hishaku and Yura the leader. They killed Kunishige so that Yura could own the Shinuchui.... WHY !!! Obviously this is BAD BAD BAD. Very cool villian design though!
Again I DONT TRUST THE KAMUNABI!!! How the hell are you going to look in the eyes the son of a legendary sword maker and tell him that YOURE ENTITLED TO HIS SWORDS!!!! THE SWORDS BELONG TO CHIHIRO TO THE ROKUHIRAS!!! Also, some members had no idea Chihiro exists ??? Hmm, someone definitely leaked the Rokuhiras location to the Hishaku.... but who...
What happened that made some of Kamunabi hate Kunishige ??? Where has this entitlement come from??? WHY DO THEY HAVE THE SWORDBEARERS ??? I dont for a second believe they truly care about protecting them.... they want the swords therefore they need the owners... then they can transfer ownership. Again, like in my last post I said they reminded me of the Jujutsu Kaisen higher ups.... fishy fishy fishy.
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libbee · 2 years
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SOME ASTRO MISTAKES I HAVE MADE SO FAR WHILE LEARNING THINGS:
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Trying to use astrology to predict longetivity and death of someone. This is really controversial and hard to predict. Perhaps someone with gifted intuition can predict something like this but using just astrology is not a good idea. Astrology cannot tell how long someone will live or when they will die. For eg, contrary to popular belief that saturn in 8th house gives very long life, i have seen many natives passing in their middle ages. Similarly, all inner planets in 8th house have reputation of giving long lives but this is not the case. Sigmund Freud with moon in 8th house taurus died at 83 while Steve Jobs with moon in 8th house pisces died at 56. It was truly my mistake to use astrology for such taboo thing and to try to become God. In Vimshottari dasha chart, a lot of times such mahadasha, antardasha align that may generate paranoia that the native may pass away in that time period but no it doesnt work like that in every time period. In hindsight, when the native has already passed, perhaps it is possible to see in which time period they did pass and attribute that to it but it is risk of cognitive bias and there is no mental work involved. So, i think that it is very hard if not impossible to predict death from astrology. Anyway astrology must not be used for such sadistic purposes. Make the most out of each day you have. No person born will go back alive. One famous astrologer in India Bejan Daruwala passed away in corona period when he himself was doing predictions on corona. How ironic! I have seen astrologers predicting that such person will be alive for next 5 years and it is just a bad time period currently, but the native passed away within one month only. This kind of thing breaks my faith in astro and also makes the whole thing rather scary. I promised myself not to do something like this again in my astro studies. I refrain from doing death predictions.
Trying to read zodiac sign predictions to predict what will hapoen in coming month, year. This was when i was new to astro. I was born in June so my zodiac is Gemini. I used to read Gemini predictions for the coming month and year on random astro websites and blindly trusted it too. I remember preparing for exam and reading prediction that coming month will be good for students blah blah.. guess what? I failed that exam. This was rather stupid thing to do and i totally deserved what i got. 12 zodiac signs is not real astrology. Real astrology is the birth chart, time period of planets, perhaps tarot is also linked to it. But pop astrology and predictions are pure gibberish and commercial money making business. If you want to know how your coming week or month or year will be, take out your birth chart, use a reputed website to create vimshottari dasha chart, take out tarot and use your own energy and mind to come up with possible predictions. It also helps to keep a journal of each planetary time period and what happened during that time in your life so that in future you can use that journal to come up with probably future telling for your personal life path. Trying to predict fortune and success from astro alone is again a gamble. You have to trust in your skills and knowledge and practice. Dont repeat the mistake i did of blindly relying on astro to know my exam result.
Zodiac sign compatibility. This is funny but i used to see the birthday of my crush and match his zodiac sign with mine, read random gibberish on websites and thought "nah, we are not compatible, or nah i dont like this zodiac sign, or nah this zodiac sign is too superficial for me.." Couple astrology is only done with birth charts and nothing else. It takes mental effort to match compatibility. On top of that, friendship, values, personalities and willingness to be in relationship are all factors that are not within your control. You can also not tell when someone is being deceptive, lying, faking until you learn people skills and to read personalities. There is just no shortcuts in relationships.
Consuming a lot of youtube content to know astrology. Astrology has basic foundation that you can read in book and some trustworthy websites. There is nothing else to know. Watching random videos for short term gratification and sembalance that i am learning something or being productive is just not it. Astrology is personal tool. Everybody will have different language to say the same thing. Once you have read the basics, have trust in it and do not change your foundation just because someone else said so.
Astrology should not be put on a pedestal. Astrology is valid and gives answers to questions of life but it is just that - a tool, a subject, a field of knowledge. Dont make it your whole life. Dont worship it. Dont make it your whole personality. Dont use it too much that you lose your sanity. Life is meant to live not to figure out. The more you figure out, the more you will see how much is unknown and yet to be explored. You dont have enough years in your life to explore everything that is unconscious.
The only person you need to look up to is yourself. If you cannot tell the answers, i doubt anyone else can. I use to spend a lot of time watching oracle live streams, using random websites of psychics. Use your judgment to discern between money making business and genuine knowledge. Occult world is not devoid of sociopaths who simply want to make money at someone else's expense and being the nature of occult so abstract, it is easy to exploit people in terms of relationship issues, career issues, mental health issues, health issues. We cannot even blame the victim because in that vulnerable time period they are looking at all possible options to fix their problems. We learn from our mistakes only.
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hi im anon from (734828727660412928/npd-culture-is-deciding-to-give-up-on-friendships?source=share) (hopefully that link works, I don't use tumblr often so I'm not sure how to go about following up asks on anon). just came back to read this blog during a really bad crash im having right now because it cheers me up to know im not alone in having symptoms of this disorder and saw my ask got posted...
(update on friend situation) just today they said in the group chat theyre all drawing gift art for each other and other friends... i'm still waiting on the paid art from them but they're doing art trades and stuff for free so i feel kind of like trash. im a bit of a bleeding heart though so im gonna give them like one more month before telling them not to bother finishing the art for me... id love my money back because it did cost a LOT of money but i dont want to be a dick so im just going to express my disappointment by telling them not to worry about the commission at all. i want to feel like i have some right to be mad in this situation but im very soft hearted and dont really have any other friends so if i lost these friends id have literally nobody else in my life :( and that kinda feels like hell for me to think about... i feel like im being treated like dirt but im still going to go christmas shopping for them.............. even if i feel like shit, i feel shittier if i dont get people gifts and stuff because i just think to myself, like, "i feel like crap if nobody buys me shit for holidays or my fucking own birthday and i dont want other people to feel that way".....
also im feeling a little sad because whenever my friends talk about their friends they dont even refer to me by name theyll go "[friend a name], [friend b name] and oomfie are in our server" or something. im not even a name to them... i feel like the last kid picked on a team but not even the last pick. like have you guys ever been on a sports team and you kinda got awkwardly waved over to one of the teams because nobody even wanted to pick you? yeah.
i wonder if im just really dense and need to pick up on hints that people dont even want to be around me. i even tried to post this video game i started working on lately because i thought it was really interesting and cool and i put my soul into it but everyone just ignored it in the group chat.
i think the social outcast route is probably my best bet at this rate, i think. im going to be pretty fucking depressed about limiting my social interactions but i think the depression from isolation isnt as bad as getting constant narc crashes from people not putting even a tiny bit of energy into friendships. like.. i honestly am not asking for very much. i get fucking narc highs if someone uses my fucking name in a conversation. i get highs from literally the bare minimum fucking interaction of anything directed in my direction im so desperate....
i wasnt going to write up a follow up ask but i just wanted to say thanks to this blog for existing and making me feel like im not completely alone and thanks for the nice comments in the reblogs and tags, it cheered me up. you guys are really nice to me and i'm a complete stranger to you all, it makes me feel like theres some hope for nice people existing out there. im just a little too tired to carry on. thank you all, i hope you have a really good day. keep on surviving out there, it's not a kind world to any of us, and it's tough to stay alive at all.
(apologies for another vent but thanks for posting my asks <3 i wish you all the best and nice days to come. also sorry this isnt in the npd culture format, but i just rly wanted to say thank you for the support on the other ask)
sending hugs (with consent) nonny 🫂 i'm so sorry honestly you deserve way better than how your friends are treating you :( i hope at some point you can talk to them about how they're making you feel and improve the situation because it sounds like you deserve better
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scarletspectral · 2 years
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DP prompt idea:
Idea: So, AU where a halfa is something very different, i'd say it's way more in line with corpse!au, where a halfa is the result of a phenomenon where a massive amount of ectoplasm is used to bond a ghost into its corpse before it ever leaves. For ex: Danny is killed by the portal turning on but before his ghost can leave his body, the massive amounts of ectoplasm anchor it in place strong enough that he personally can't override it. The ectoplasm coalescing in his corpse keeps it from rotting like a natural preservative, but it doesn't really.. Look very nice so to say, so the main ghost power he uses is the ability to subtly change his 'human form' to look less.. Well corpse-like. As a halfa he can switch between 'ghost form' and 'human form' but really that just entails him placing his body into what's essentially a pocket dimension (maybe his lair??) and projecting his spirit where it would have been. He can't willingly leave his body entirely, meaning it can't be buried or mourned, and is mostly a catalyst to him digging the hole deeper and deeper as far as hiding what he is goes. I think an interesting way to go with it would be Sam and Tucker not knowing that's really what a halfa is, so Danny just lets them run with the theories they've decided on (that are the normal concept of a halfa) because hey, they probably dont wanna hang out or hug or hold hands with a corpse and he doesn't know what he'd do without their friendship and affection.
I think Vlad would be interesting with this concept, the blast from the proto-portal slowly killing him through radiation but also slowly locking him inside his body along with it, just creating a slow cook halfa who spends more and more energy as time goes on making himself look 'happy, healthy and alive' so to say. This could even lend to him getting control over and understanding his disguise powers way better than Danny to the point that he's able to make his 'ghost form' have a new look full time.
This was supposed to be a prompt but it's more just an AU idea, huh. I'll probably do something with it..??
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mariska · 4 months
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hello world i am awake and have my first dose of daily medications in my system and thus have a lil bit of energy at the moment to just Type My Thoughts Out Into The Void On Here. so here is my non internet/social media life update for all of u today:
later in the day i am finally gonna be able to meet/hang out with one of my longest exclusively internet-based friends of mine after a little under 10 years of us being friends!! im so happy + excited for it but i still have some chores and last minute cleaning stuff i gotta do before he gets here, hopefully waking up a lot earlier than i usually do will give me whatever time i need to finish my part of the household preparations 😅 but yeah!!! he's a mutual friend of both me and Eli (obviously, would not otherwise just be like. hey Eli this person u dont know or hypothetically arent friends with actively is also staying at the house while ur here get used to it HFSGSHSCGSF) and we've been trying to put together some kind of non-internet hangout trip for years and it just didnt work out until this time around.
right before the first global shutdown covid wave back in early 2020 the three of us had been trying to plan a May hangout together that we called "superbirthday" (cus my birthday is may 6 and my friend Jon's, person who is coming here 2day, has a may 26 birthday, so the 20 days in between both our birthdays is 'superbirthday' celebration time 😌✌️) so im like. beyond excited that we've all actually been able to make it happen for real this time!!
i've met up irl now with quite a few of my good friends who were people i originally met online in some way but it's still so surreal in a happy way whenever that happens again. me and Jon originally became friends through the Gmod server "Gmod Towers" (which doesnt even exist anymore it has its own separate game that both me and Jon actually contributed to the fundraising campaign for the devs to develop yrs ago) in like. fall of 2014, if u never played on it back then, it was a really chill fun virtual hangout server world kinda similar to like....imvu/second life, that kinda thing, but on a much smaller scale than either of those and with most playable characters taken from like, the general Gmod Valve Game Character Model List. it was styled like a resort type hotel with different areas of the map having different activities u could do with friends or anyone else around, there was a mini games section and a big hotel lobby where a lot of people just sat in groups and talked with their mic headsets and a hotel room area that saved whatever interior decor u set up in ur room, u could watch youtube vids on a virtual tv and throw parties for the server to come join and be goofy at....Good Times.
ANYWAYS all of that to say, as awful as the general internet experience can be like all the time forever especially in more modern yrs, im really grateful that in my life i've been able to make such meaningful connections and friendships with people online, sometimes in niche lil corners of the internet with dedicated fan followings like Gmod Tower!! i say it irl all the time to ppl but the internet truly Was Not One Big Mistake despite the increasing chaos of the whole big picture concept, being someone who is disabled and had to drop out of school at 14 to quite literally keep myself alive and keep my body/brain from totally failing on me, i genuinely don't think i would have many friends if any at all if i hadn't been able to connect with people online, especially with my Agoraphobia making it very difficult to like. put myself out there in the world.
....yeah! so. thats what i am up to currently. and yes we WILL all be playing Kirby Air Ride for the Gamecube on my Pink Disney Princess TV as a Superbirthday™️ activity. for ur information.
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so like. gotta preface this by saying that i DONT ship steddyhands. but ages and ages there were a whole buncha posts (proabably more than those three) where i jokingly whined abt how all the steddyhands content i see gets stede's characterization wrong. and out of silly, petty, joking, well-meaning spite over a harmless fandom disagreement i was like "im going to write my own summary of a steddyhands fic of how it SHOULD go." but then bc i do not like izzy and i do not care about this ship i forgot about it for a long ass time. but i was clearing out my drafts and slapped a few more paragraphs onto it and now here's this fucking monster
this is by no means a completed fic. but by god is it way longer than any fucking summary should be. like it's literally 5k. this is a 5k summary of what would probably be like a 100k fic. someone kill me
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so for starters, this would have to be THE SLOWEST of burns (and there's no way i'd put that much time and effort into a fic for a ship i don't even like, so that's why this post is all i'm gonna write). izzy has to go through so much change before stede would even think about izzy as anything more than "that asshole that ed keeps around for some reason" (and also before im comfortable with ed being vulnerable around izzy haha "i shouldve let the english kill you" conversation my detested)
izzy would have been in love with ed since they met (but he doesn't know it). he doesn't even let himself admit he's attracted to him. ed always knew that izzy was interested, but he didn't want to be wanted the way izzy wanted him (he's not gonna be izzy's daddy dom, basically). stede and the gang have stolen a new ship and have been chasing them down. meanwhile, the vibe on the Revenge has been mostly just... sad. not gratuitously violent or a living nightmare. they do raids and stuff, but everyone still surrenders at the sight of blackbeard's flag and ed is bored. he sits in his room either crying or drinking. the rest of the crew do normal boat stuff. izzy is like... aware that the energy is low. but he has no idea what to do about it so he pretends everything is fine.
so the story starts at the reunion. stede and his gang finally catch up to the Revenge while ed and his crew are getting their asses handed to them by some european navy ship, the french or spanish or something idc. stede's crew is able to turn the tide of the battle. in the middle of all the chaos, stede and izzy run into each other. stede demands to know where ed is, izzy says ed doesn't want to see him. they fight, both physically and verbally. lotta insults are thrown on both sides while they wave swords at each other. at some point they have their swords crossed and faces close, glaring and growling homoerotically at each other, but then they hear ed shout in pain. he gets shot or stabbed or something, and instantly izzy and stede are both working in sync together to save him. stede uses his new sailor muscles to carry ed while izzy clears a path to get back to the Revenge. ed, barely holding onto consciousness and delirious from blood loss, sees stede for the first time and is like, "you came back..." stede, of course, replies, "never left." ed laughs and calls him a liar. izzy is dying inside.
they get ed and everyone else back onto the Revenge, the crew reunites, lucius is alive, roach stabilizes ed's condition.
while ed is unconscious (which lasts like 2 or 3 days), it's unclear who is running the ship. izzy is ed's first mate, but stede's crew outnumbers ed's. the crew tries really hard to get stede to just throw izzy overboard, but jim (who's struck a weird friendship with izzy since the marooning where all they do is practice fighting and never talk abt their feelings ever), is like, "ed might be mad if he wakes up and we killed his first mate." and stede (even though it's clear that he also kind of wants to throw izzy overboard), is like, "ugh, i suppose jim is right... and he did help me save ed. let's wait for ed to wake up first before we make any rash decisions."
so izzy, realizing how precarious his situation is on the ship (and realizing that if ed wakes up and wants nothing to do with him, he's doomed), starts acting like a cornered rat, hissing and spitting at everyone all the time (except for jim, who keeps training with izzy in stoic silence). he's especially harsh to stede, talking abt how much ed doesn't want to see his face and insulting stede's masculinity and trying to get stede to leave before ed wakes up. stede snaps back a little bit, but mostly he just rolls his eyes and ignores him bc he's just focused on worrying abt ed. stede spends the nights sleeping in a chair next to ed. izzy tries to sneak into the cabin at night to kill stede at some point, but jim stops him and reminds him that everyone is just looking for an excuse to chuck him overboard
when ed wakes up, he and stede kiss and make up. stede initiates family therapy where the whole crew and ed air out their feelings about the marooning and have a heart to heart. touching dialogue is had. izzy is in the corner glaring and scowling and also freaking the fuck out the whole time, but he doesn't say anything. eventually the crew heads out to go. do pirate stuff idk. and then ed asks for stede and izzy to stay for a second.
he thanks izzy for saving him, then he's like, "listen izzy, we both know that this hardly the first time you've saved my life. you and i go way back. we were good mates once. do you think we could be mates again?" and izzy, through gritted teeth, watching stede out of the corner of his eye, is like. sure, boss. whatever you say. and ed is like "i want you two to get along. you're both important to me," and stede and izzy (glaring daggers at each other) are like. okay.
then ed is like "okay now just izzy alone" and stede is like "are you sure?" but eventually ed gets him to leave. and then ed gets more serious and he's like "izzy. if you kill stede. you will never see me again" and izzy is like "youre not gonna feed me more toes?"
and ed is like "no. i will leave you at the next dock. and then i will burn the whole world down. i will bring hellfire straight to london and wage war on that shithole of a country. i'll slaughter every naval soldier who tries to cut me down. and when im finally overrun, i will go down in a blaze of glory so spectacular that they'll tell stories of it for years to come, until the sun burns out at the end of the world. and you will have no part in it. you will be stuck on some tiny island here on the other side of the world and nobody will know or care who you are. that's what's going to happen if you do anything to stede."
izzy is shaking. he's like. alright. anything else? and ed's like "yeah. i'm sorry about your toe. won't happen again." and that actually makes izzy almost cry. that there's nothing he can do to make ed look at him like that again, all attention on him, putting him in his place. there's nothing he can take from ed to make ed pay attention to him. if he wants to be close to ed, he has to give something to him. something less tangible than his own toe.
(and izzy thinks what he gives to ed is his sword and his undying loyalty to his captain, to blackbeard. he doesn't understand, just yet, that ed already has a sword, and that ed doesn't want loyalty to blackbeard. izzy doesn't get that giving ed a break is more than enough for ed to want to keep anyone around)
so yeah. this threat works. izzy gives up on trying to kill stede.
so ed is still in recovery for like a month. he's not able to move around a lot, so he's just kinda lounging around the Revenge being grossly in love with stede. he's always in a robe + leather pants combo, tits out and vibing. the crew raids some ships, including a naval vessel that was caught off guard. ed doesn't go on the raids, obviously, and stede stays behind with him, and the rest of the crew members don't trust izzy enough to let him join them. the crew pull off a bunch of weird fuckeries and have some very successful raids, but every time they come back with furniture and books and fabric and stuff, izzy rolls his eyes and grumbles some shit about "real pirating."
during all of this, izzy keeps trying to get ed alone. his new strategy is to try and be buddy-buddy with ed and peer pressuring him into tough masculine pirate violence (which always worked for jack whenever he came around), and also just hope ed gets bored of stede. but stede is like, at ed's side 24/7. the only time that ed is alone is when he's taking naps in the captain's cabin (bc again, he's recovering from Ambiguous Wound With Vague And Innaccurate Medical Properties), and stede literally makes ppl guard the door to let ed sleep. when izzy runs into stede alone, stede tries to initiate friendly conversation for ed's sake, but eventually izzy says some shit like, "i've been by ed's side for years before you, and i'll be by his side for years after. he'll get bored of you, eventually." and also he insults stede's masculinity a bunch, obvi. stede just sighs and is like, "well, i tried," and then he just gives izzy the cold shoulder from then on out
one of the nights when he's training with jim, izzy just keeps getting his ass handed to him and eventually jim is like "goddamn, i get your heart is broken but you're really sloppy tonight" and izzy is like. WHAT. how dare you. i don't have feelings. and jim is like "buddy you haven't slept in a week." and izzy's like "how can i sleep when everyone on this fucking ship wants to kill me!" and jim's like, "i don't want to kill you." izzy rolls his eyes but he's like "thanks," then jim's like "yknow, if you stopped being such a dick they'd probably stop wanting to kill you" and izzy is like "oh so i should just do what all you guys do? sit around braiding each other's hair and having group therapy sessions and spilling my guts to everyone while i'm all wrapped up in a silk gown?" and jim is like. "buddy, do you see me spilling my guts in group therapy or wearing a silk gown?" and izzy's like, "okay, but you're not like the rest of them." and jim's like "you're right, i'm not. just like lucius isn't like the rest of them. or how the swede isn't like the rest of them. or fang, or ivan, or frenchie, or anyone else on this ship. we're all different people, man. we don't have a problem with differences. we have a problem with people who do have a problem with differences." izzy is like "the fuck does that mean." jim is like "yeah, i can tell you're gonna have a hard time wrapping your head around that one, so im just gonna go to bed now. same time tomorrow?"
the next night, ed doesn't come up with stede to listen to the bedtime story. while stede is distracted, izzy sneaks downstairs to finally talk to ed alone. ed is like. trying to prepare some kind of horny surprise for stede (lingerie, probably. something that's kinda feminine), so we get that avatar scene where zuko goes to talk to sokka and sokka thinks suki is the one who entered the tent (only ed is like, almost entirely naked and in the middle of prepping himself), and ed greets izzy like, "oh babe, you're back early! i was going to surprise you, but you can come here and help me finish getting ready~" or some shit idk. izzy is incapable of human speech for several seconds, and when ed realizes that this is not stede he very nearly dies of embarrassment. he covers himself up while izzy is just. choking on air. overcome with rage/lust/jealousy at the sight. he stands behind a chair to hide his absolutely raging boner
when ed's got one of stede's robes on he's like. haha. heyyyy buddy. haven't seen you around much. how have things been? and izzy is like. things have been great. super. im trapped on a boat full of people that want to kill me. ed is like, oh no, they're still going on about the killing you thing? maybe we should have stede mediate another group therapy session, i know laying everything out in the open really helped me get—
and izzy cuts him off like "how the fuck are you falling for this?" ed is like. "?" izzy continues, "you're letting everyone see you at your weakest! they're going to kill you!" ed is like ok they could've done that literally at any point while i was feverish in bed. or at any point since then, really, i'm not exactly at the top of my game right now. izzy's like, "they're gonna turn you in for a bounty!" ed is like bro they literally had the opportunity when we raided that british naval ship two days ago. izzy just starts working himself up into a frenzy while ed is like, calmly pointing out where izzy's logic is flawed, until eventually izzy says some demeaning shit about ed's masculinity, and ed's face cracks for a moment, then suddenly stede (back from storytime) literally APPEARS FROM NOWHERE and just. DECKS izzy. wrecks the little man's ENTIRE shit. breaks his fucking nose.
izzy is like. in shock. so is ed actually. (both of them are also. very turned on.) and stede is like "i've let you say this shit about me. but you do not get to say that shit to ed" (but like, better written and more in character, lol). stede then gives a whole speech where he is just letting out every bottled up response to all of izzy's insults for the past few weeks, talking abt "how dare you speak to ed that way, the only reason you're alive is because ed somehow still has fondness for you, even though you've done nothing to earn that fondness. if you really knew ed as well as you say you do, you should be happy to see ed opening up and becoming more comfortable with himself and his crew. ed enjoying fine things doesn't make him less of a pirate, he's still just as much the brilliant sailor he's always been. even now, while ed is recovering from his wound, he's been helping the crew read the weather and predict storms and plan raids, and all you've been doing is sulking around and making everyone miserable! i'm not going to have my men kill you, izzy, because ed still, for some reason, cares about you, but if you don't stop being such a prick, you can get the fuck off my ship the next time we head to port. now if you'd kindly fuck the hell off, im going to make love to my co-captain, who looks really good in that lingerie."
izzy leaves. is having a hard time having coherent thoughts. by chance he runs into jim, who's like, "hope you're ready to put up a better fight than you did last ni-hooooly shit what happened to your face?" and izzy is like. what? and jim's like "bro im getting roach stay here." and izzy just sits in the rec room (or wherever they are) until jim comes back with a very sleepy-looking roach, who takes one look at izzy's face and bursts out laughing. that's enough to get izzy to stop staring blankly, and he tries to snarl at roach, except that when he moves his face it hurts like fucking hell. and roach is like, "alright, alright, hoo boy! wish i could've seen whatever caused this." then he's like, "so i need to pop your nose back into place. it's gonna hurt like hell though, so i should probably go get some laudanum–" and izzy's like "no it's fine just do it." and jim's eyebrows raise and roach is like, "uh... are you sure?" and izzy's like "just fucking do it!"
so roach does and izzy screams through gritted teeth. then roach cleans his nose with rum or something, bandages it, gives izzy the rest of the booze, and goes back to bed, leaving jim and izzy there alone. izzy starts drinking. jim sits next to him and holds their hand out for the bottle, and then the two of them just drink in silence until the bottle is gone. then they go to bed without saying anything.
then izzy proceeds to have The Most Confusing Wet Dream Of His Entire Goddamn Life. he keeps seeing ed in lingerie, stede's face twisted in righteous anger, random flashes of stede fucking ed, izzy fucking ed in the lingerie, izzy wearing the lingerie and getting fucked by stede, izzy calling stede daddy, stede and ed fully clothed asking izzy to talk about his feelings, stede slapping izzy and spitting into his mouth.
izzy wakes up with the worst case of morning wood he's ever had in his life. he proceeds to have a very frantic masturbation session. as he's laying there afterwards, he keeps thinking abt ed in lingerie and stede breaking his nose. and he absolutely cannot wrap his head around the fact that ed bottoms. this is also the first time izzy's ever consciously thought about having sex with ed. he's literally been so repressed that for years he would just jack off to like, remembering the smell of booze in ed's beard or some pathetic shit like that. he'd think about, like, fighting with ed and getting pinned down and being totally at ed's mercy. but now when he thinks of those old fantasies, instead of ed pinning him down, it's stede?????
izzy stays in bed the whole day. nobody comes to check on him. he hears the sound of the crew going about their day, stede's voice calling out commands on the deck. he jerks off again at some point in the afternoon. night falls. he can't make out the words, but he can tell from the cadence of stede's voice at what point he starts reading to the crew, and at what point they all go to sleep. he waits for ten more minutes to pass, then he heads to the galley to get food.
jim is waiting literally right outside his door. izzy is not spooked at all (this is a lie).
jim's like "hey man, we never got to spar last night. let's go." izzy's like, "i haven't eaten anything all day." and jim's like, "so you're saying you can't take me?" and izzy snorts and follows them to go practice murdering people
jim very much goes easy on izzy, but izzy is too hungry and tired and confused (and horny) to care. they fight or whatever, jim wins every round, then they're like "man im starving, let's get a snack." the two of them go get food. after a while, jim's like, "so, what'd you say to piss stede off so bad?" and izzy's like, "how did you know it was him?" and jim laughs and says, "the knuckles on his right hand were bandaged up today, and he didn't seem too worried about you spending all day hiding in your room."
izzy takes a long drink and doesn't respond for a while. then he says, "you're dating the guy with the hat, right?" jim's like, "i'm the guy with the hat." and izzy's like, "you're a guy?" and jim goes, "ehh..." and tilts their hand side to side. izzy, deciding to move on, is like, "i mean the one with the orange hat. and the blue earring." and jim's like, "it's teal." izzy's like, "whatever." and jim's like, "yeah, we're dating. why?" izzy takes a minute before asking, "what do you like about him?" and jim is jokingly like, "dude, the whole reason i hang out with you is so i don't have to talk about feelings" and izzy, instead of laughing with them like he usually would, just kinda snaps, "would you just answer the question?" jim looks at his face for a long moment, assessing, then says, "i like that olu's kind. he cares about people so easily, i don't know how he does it. he's patient with me, even when i'm being difficult. he tells me when he's upset, but not in a mean way, just in a, like, 'i don't want to be mad at you, help me fix this' way. he can be really clingy sometimes, but he'll hold himself back if i ever need space. he just... accepts me. all of me. even the parts i don't accept."
and izzy is like. staring into space. and after a second jim says, "also he does this thing with his tongue where he–" and izzy is like "OKAY THAT'S ENOUGH THANKS." jim laughs at him a little bit. and after another long pause izzy's like, "you know they almost made him captain?" and jim smirks and is like, "yeah, i heard about that. when they almost threw you overboard?" and izzy's like "yeah. then." and jim says, "yeah, i'm not really surprised. like i said, he's good at caring for people. he'd make a pretty good captain." and izzy's like, "are you mad that he's not captain?" and jim shrugs and is like, "eh, i'm not one for politics." but izzy presses, like, "but he'd be in charge of the whole ship. he'd be the one telling everyone what to do. he'd have all the power here!" and jim's like, "hey man, i don't really give two shits about 'power.' im just trying to get by in this world. all i want is to hang out with my partner, throw knives at stuff, and sometimes watch my crew put on talent shows." and izzy, getting kind of frustrated, is like, "but doesn't it bother you that he's weak?"
before izzy realizes, jim has a knife against his throat and is glaring directly into his eyes. "i let you say a lot of shit to me, pendejo," they growl, "i let you talk shit about this crew, about my captain, about how none of my friends are real pirates. but you do not get to tell me that olu is weak." izzy's eyes are wide at first, but when jim finishes, he snorts and says, "look, he's not as bad as lucius or stede-" but jim cuts him off. "there's more to strength than having power," jim says. "there's more to being strong than just making everyone afraid of you. and whatever it is that you think makes stede and lucius weak" and izzy is like "i fucking knew you'd turn on me too. now everyone on this stupid fucking ship wants to kill me" and jim just gives him the flattest, most unimpressed look before just walking away. they say "get over yourself, izzy" as they go.
izzy goes to bed. has another wet dream. and when he wakes up he's like. fine. fucking fine. i'll try and find some way to live on this stupid fucking clown ship full of shitty pirates.
he apologizes to jim. jim just stares blankly and walks away, but then later is like "we're gonna spar tonight, right?" so izzy knows he's forgiven. he gives the most uncomfortable, gritted apology of his life to stede, and stede's like "oh, it's not me you need to apologize to. go speak to my co-captain." so izzy goes to the captain's cabin and ed is in his usual leathers and izzy is like. trying so hard to make himself apologize but he can't get the words out and eventually ed's like "it's fine, mate. i'll tell stede you apologized, okay?" and izzy's like. alright. thanks. and ed's like "you did kind of have a point, about if the crew wanted to mutiny" and izzy perks up like yes we're going to start running this ship the way real pirates do but then ed is like "yeah, stede wouldn't stand a chance. im still recovering, can you give stede sword lessons for me?"
izzy. does not want to give stede sword lessons. but ed's like "alright i guess i'll tell stede you didn't really apologize and you can get off at the next port. or you can just apologize for real." and izzy really has to think about it but eventually he's like. fine. i'll train your stupid fucking boyfriend.
ed watches for the first half hour of their first training session but someone's gotta captain the ship so from then on out it's just stede and izzy sword fighting in the jam room for a couple hours a day. this leads to angry sexual tension that builds and builds until they angrily make out. and stede is like freaked out bc he loves ed and he would never be unfaithful so he of course goes to ed and tells him about it thinking ed is gonna be heartbroken. but ed is like "i mean, it doesnt really sound like you want the same thing with him tho?" and i guess ed is like "wait if you top izzy i think that'd be kinda funny actually. also that sounds pretty hot. do you wanna top izzy? can i watch?"
so next time they do sword fighting practice ed watches and it escalates to horny shit and then when izzy's like trying really hard to hide his boner, stede is like "what do you say, darling?" and ed is like "pop the question, babe." and then they ask izzy if he'd be okay with stede fucking him while ed watches. izzy tries to bluster his way out of it but then ed is like "damn, was looking forward to it" and izzy is like. ok. fucking. fine.
and then it's really hot and everyone's into it. izzy hates that he's into it but for several days he keeps coming back for more (he tells himself he's only doing it bc it's the only time ed pays any attention to him but like... it's not just that). they do that for like a week or a week and a half. ed gives commentary the whole time, mostly just talking about how hot stede looks. the most he ever says about izzy is stuff like "yeah izzy doesnt he feel so good stretching you out" or whatever
until one day while stede's fucking izzy ed says some shit about "who's the namby pamby now?" and then stede freezes and is like. ed. did izzy say that to you? and ed is like uhhhhhhhhhh maybe? and then stede pulls out of izzy and is like "get the fuck away from him" and izzy (who was having a fantastic time) is like "daddy no" and stede is like "i am not joking get the FUCK out"
and idk. ed tells stede about izzy threatening to kill him while he was heartbroken over stede. and stede is SO fucking mad. maybe stede didnt even know abt the robe era he just thought ed came back to the revenge and went full kraken right away. and this actually makes stede feel more guilty abt leaving bc the thought of ed crying in a blanket fort and eating all his marmalade because he hurt him is even worse than thinking ed just got angry and painted his face. and the fact that izzy said that shit to ed while he was heartbroken like that makes stede SO fucking angry.
and then stede's anger makes ed realize that actually that was really fucked up and he actually finally tells stede about the toe thing and stede is like "i wouldve done the same!!" and they cry together. and then stede and ed dont talk to izzy for weeks and ed starts to emotionally heal from all that. he had stopped wearing stede's robes after the night izzy walked in on him fingering himself but he starts wearing them again. and then he starts actually trying to form a cohesive Look and they steal fancy clothes for ed now and stede pampers ed and takes care of him and ed gets to relax and not worry about people depending on him or on how people perceive him. and he and stede together get to be more confident in themselves than theyve felt in forever
and in the meantime i guess izzy just starts acting like a normal crew member and he very much hates it and the crew is very much giving him shit (someone makes him swab the deck through the entire night) and he wants to be mean to them so fucking bad but like, he knows one wrong move and he's off the boat forever and he doesn't want that. so idk i guess eventually the crew lays off him and invites him to sit and drink with them and stuff. izzy doesn't really get any of them, but jim will sit down next to him and drink next to him and izzy decides that actually maybe this crew isn't entirely useless. they still get on his nerves tho
then one night crew is also like "so uh... why are the captains not fucking you anymore" and izzy's like "YOU KNEW??" and theyre like "buddy you were SO loud. we all heard you call stede daddy" and izzy actually almost has a panic attack but idk someone (lucius?) is like "dude nobody is judging you. it's okay."
and izzy realizes theyre right. nobody is judging him. they want gossipy details but they don't actually care. and that's a big "oh" moment, that he could do things the wrong way (get fucked by someone less masculine than him, maybe even talk about his feelings) and these people wont judge him for it. so izzy gives them a very censored version that basically boils down to "they remembered what an asshole i am and they want nothing to do with me. and they're right"
and uhhhh maybe izzy and lucius hook up too. and then izzy starts crying after and lucius is like "oh god what's wrong" and izzy's like "i miss them. i miss ed. i miss bonnet. why the fuck do i miss bonnet??" and lucius is like "aww did izzy the spewer catch feelings?" and izzy's like "fuck. fuck. i fucking did jesus fuck." he also admits to himself finally that he's been in love with ed for years. (the feelings izzy thinks he has for stede are just His Cock Feels Really Good In My Ass)
and. idk. i guess weeks after all this character development has happened for ed and izzy and stede, izzy jumps in front of a bullet for stede. which leads to stede and ed both thanking him when he wakes up. which leads to izzy apologizing to ed and being like "you dont have to forgive me." and i dont think ed totally accepts the apology but he and stede do start talking to izzy again. ed more than stede maybe. i think stede is a huge prick to izzy and izzy sometimes snaps back but mostly he just sighs because like, yeah. that's fair.
and then i think ed and izzy happen first this time like i think they're reminiscing about old times and ed is like "do you realize how unhappy i was though?" and izzy is like "i didnt before, but i can see it now. you look younger than you have in years. i'm glad you found someone who knows how to love you better than i do" and ed's like wait WHAT. and izzy's like "? what?" and ed's like "you love me??" and izzy's like "yes?? obviously?????" and ed's like "i thought you just wanted me to fuck you!!!" and izzy's like "i mean THAT TOO" and ed's like "do you still love me??" and izzy's like "god only knows why, but yes! obviously!" and then ed asks "do you still want me to fuck you?" and izzy's like "yknow, that's actually a harder one to answer! i dont really know!! i just know that i love you and youre hot!"
And Then They Make Out
and this one is a harder convo for ed and stede to have, not because of the infidelity but stede is like "you remember how he hurt you though?" and ed's like yeah. and im not ever gonna forget that. but i think i can move past it. and stede's like okay fine but i have one condition. he has to watch you bottom for me first
so they do that. bc stede is like "i need izzy to know that the way we make love doesnt make you any less of a man." and izzy is into it obviously, this is not how he ever imagined ed would enjoy sex but he can't deny that ed looks good, and suddenly the "you look younger than you have in years" makes sense. like he can tell ed is loving this and suddenly trying to connect this man with the version of Sexy Blackbeard that izzy was pining after for years just doesn't make sense. izzy can no longer picture ed doing hardcore kinky bdsm dom shit to him.
also izzy's been on the receiving end of stede's dick so he's like, yeah, i get it. but then weirdly even tho this was supposed to be about izzy accepting that ed doesnt want to be the aggressive daddy dom izzy always wanted him to be, izzy (who is first and foremost a huge bottom and the world's biggest sub) is looking at how good ed feels and all he can think is i want stede bonnet in my mouth so fucking bad oh my god.
and then he's not looking at ed at all he's just looking at stede and is like oh shit oh shit oh shit. and ed nuts first and when stede pulls out izzy is right there like "please please please finish in my mouth please daddy" (<- sentences that killed me to write). and stede and ed are both like. oh.
this leads to them falling back into something like their original arrangement where stede and izzy are hate-fucking except now ed is getting in on the action. so like the sex dynamic is that usually ed is either being a pillow princess or a power bottom for stede, izzy is a bratty sub to stede, stede is a service top for ed and a daddy dom for izzy, and then ed and izzy trade handies or oral or whatever when it's all three of them. sometimes stede and izzy team up to pamper ed, or stede and ed team up to torment izzy. ed and izzy by themselves usually dont do anal but when they do izzy usually tops. ed and izzy having sex isn't the sappy passionate lovemaking of ed and stede but it is still very sweet. these sex dynamics aren't set rules or anything, sometimes ed tops stede and sometimes izzy isnt being quite so submissive and etc etc, but that's usually the vibe. ed never doms izzy tho.
as for the emotional dynamic. ed and stede are in love obviously, we all watched the show. with izzy and ed, i dont think ed is in love with izzy at first but he falls into it gradually. stede is maybe a little jealous of this at first but 1. he cant deny anything from ed and if ed loves izzy then fine, ed can love izzy, and 2. he can see that it happens in a different way than how ed loves stede, so he eventually gets over it. and then with stede and izzy it's basically just this post i made where one day while they're fucking it suddenly out of nowhere gets really soft (ed is sitting out for this one but he's there watching) and afterwards stede and izzy are both so mad about being in love. theyre angry at themselves and then they play chicken about it until stede gets injured and izzy says i love you and that completes the steddyhands injurty trifecta so i guess that means the story ends and i'm freed from this post and i can finally get it out of my fucking drafts. jesus fucking christ.
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dyketubbo · 3 years
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thinkin thoughts abt friendship n stuff (/neg). dont rb obviously
#not like /neg towards friendship. love the concept i just. im thinkin abt my lack of friends ig#or not that i lack friends. i have them! i have a whole ass friendgroup i wanna move in with but#idk. at the same time its mostly out of convienience. if i didnt have to out of paranoia that i wldnt survive on my own i probably wouldnt#like i love em and all its just. i think our first year being getting close under an abusers thumb kind of. fucked us up#bc i got all codependent and they would protect me and stuff and now that doesnt happen and we dont feel as close and it. sucks ig#and i still go through all the same motions. i try to share my interests im trying to show interest in what they love#i look out for them. i try to comfort them when i have the energy even when i dont have the energy#i try so sso hard to talk them out of shitty decisions and help them when theyre in trouble and i deal w them shittalking dsmp#and i try to show that i care but im so used to playfighting and now they keep thinking im mad at them and im not!#but even when i try to be nice they still seem so. scared of me. everyone always seems scared of me#ive talked abt my own suicidal ideation and have spiraled so so many times and. i dont blame them for not helping#bc they dont have to. they dont have to deal w any of my shit n theyre always dealing with so so much and i never wanna force them to deal#w me when im at my worst. but it still hurts when i want to die and no ones there for me. theyre not even there for me for little things#im so tired of trying to get attention but no matter what i do i just. feel like im shouting into an empty void#i know how to comfort myself. i can bring myself out of panic attacks and breakdowns#and ultimately the only reason im still alive right now is because i taught myself to care abt myself#but i wish someone else was there for me. even just one person. id be okay with being abused again if it just meant someone would care#id be okay with being in danger if it meant people would protect me again. even one person#i open my heart and i become morails w ppl even through my discomfort n i third wheel n i comfort ppl#n i tamper down all my sharp edges n keep my mouth closed when i smile n i try so hard to be kind and loving and a caretaker like they need#n i just. dnt have any of that 4 me. i dont truly have any support. im not even able to share my excitement w those i live w or will live w#i just want someone to care. to support me. am i not enough for that? its starting to feel like it. i hate it. i wish i could stop feeling#stop havin emotions or connections or anythn. but i tried already and no one cared. no one tried to stop me. only one person showed concern#and it was bc they were worried over how it wld effect the group. amazing isnt it. i could disappear and only one person wld reach out#god. i hate it. i mean hell one of my friends goes on n on abt hating dream but they love their fuckin family#and go on n on abt how theyre 'not that bad' or only mentionin their gmas racism *as if the rest dont say the fuckin n word every day#n act as if color doesnt exist*. fuckin hypocrite! i know at some point ppl get burnt out but they get more pissed off#abt some dude they dont even know making pride merch than they do abt their family being fucking racist. i hate it#i want out but i dont have any other options. n if i get mad theyll just cower n ill be the scary big bad all over again#and it feels like ive gone too far to kill myself now when i havent even been 16 for a week. goddammit
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hollyhomburg · 4 years
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Reasons Wretched and Divine (Pt. 7)
(Hybrid au) (YoonMinJoon x Reader) (Mafia au) 
Summary: After years of abuse, you’ve all finally found each other. But for one of you- the fear still lingers, hidden in the shadows. Yoongi doesn’t want much, just a few more weeks, but he only has until the end of the summer. 
Parings: Snake hybrid! Yoongi x Dog hybrid! Jimin x Dog hybrid! Namjoon x Pregnant! Reader, Platonic Vmin, allusions to 2seok, 
Genre: Hybrid au, Polyamory au, Hurt/Comfort, Recovery, Pregnancy, Mafia au
Tags:  Domestic abuse, references to sexual abuse- and choosing to have sex even though you’ve been through sa, physical abuse, polyamory negotiations, Post-traumatic stress disorder, mute characters, brief gore at the end, pregnant m/c, frottage, marking kink, fingering, oral f. receiving, Voyeurism, exhibitionism, implied death but dont worry I do not write MCD!!!!
A/n: just for posterity's sake! i was drunk when i posted this! enjoy! full gangbang comes in (y/n) next chapter! (oh god im going to hell).
W/c: 10.5k
Song Rec: Like Real People do ~ Hozier
~ Series Masterlist ~
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2 Years Earlier
-  If Jeon Jungkook where so esoterically inclined, he would write a book on how he had become the most dangerous man in the underworld. It would be a short book though; because Jungkook had only 2 rules for himself. The first was to always get up after he’d been hit during a fight (even if it took him a second) and the second was to know when to mind his own business. 
- Jungkook was always able to get up after being hit, Even when he’d been a street kid, with not a penny to his name and a whole lot of anger in his mouth. ready to spit vitriol at anyone who would pause and listen. He’d always been able to get up. The pain giving him a kind of sick clarity that he eventually sought out instead of tried to escape. Jungkook could never think as clearly as he did during a fight; or when he was in pain. And that was probably because of his father. 
- But whatever. That man was 6 feet under, (his mother on the other hand- no- that bitch certainly had more than one dept to pay still). He didn’t have a lot of time or energy to put into dealing with that particular trauma (why he honestly felt like sometimes- he liked being hit). Most of his energy went into staying alive. Even now- when living and surviving teetered on the same edge. Jungkook had more pressing matters to tend to than dealing with his own fragile mind. 
- The way he would get up and hop around for a second to soak in the clarity after being hit during a scuffle was one of the reasons why he’d been given his street name: The Playboy Bunny; further set in stone with his tattoo of the same moniker under his left eye. A cheekbone he’d tap and say “you want to hit me? why don’t you try your luck and see how well it turns out for you.” 
- He was doing reconnaissance, Sneaking around the back alley with his hood up and his glasses on- disguising his black eye that was sure to get more than a few looks from passers-by. The ears of the playboy bunny tattoo peeking out over the top of his mask. 
- He keeps his eyes on the crowd waiting for some sort of handoff- to see anything at all. But he’d lost his target through the crowd and has no drive to find them in the dizzying rush of people and umbrellas. Not yet. Not when the hum of addiction lurks in his veins. 
- Jungkook pauses lighting a cigarette, when a commotion to the side hidden around a corner- blurs his concentration. The world snapping back into focus when he sinks his fingernails into his palm. Terse voices. A couple fighting in the alleyway perpendicular to his. 
- Minding his own business was a particular skill of his- it took one kind of person to know when to step in, and another to know which problems weren't worth the headache. And unless it involved the acquisition money or some step therein, it wasn’t a problem worth getting into in Jungkook’s opinion.
- But Jungkook can’t stop his ears from hearing snippets of conversation, a low and angry male voice. The sound of a smack. “You just had to embarrass me like that, didn’t you? First, you come out dressed like a slob and then you act like a fucking whore- I swear if I see you give eyes to another man this week I'll beat you five ways to Sunday”
- The sound of a soft female voice, so quiet- almost indistinguishable from the pouring rain, “I wasn’t-” another smack.
- Jungkook has been hit so many times he knows the sound of it, the ragged gasp the woman lets out, also quite- like even the pain takes up too much space. 
- His body starts to move before his mind thinks it through as he gives up position in favor of investigating the noise. There he sees it, ivy growing up the wall next to the back exit of some restaurant. A woman, small crouching in front of a grotesque man. A baggy coat buttoned tight around her small form. hair swept back in a tight bun. Red lipstick smudged. Though you check your hands and think its blood for a moment before you remember you’re wearing it. 
- Jungkook waits for a moment before he watches you stand on shaky legs. you get up. 
- The rest of the underworld might be old grudges and blood feuds but Jungkook was only here to be a businessman. He didn’t have time for ego and arrogance, let alone time for altruism... 
- Usually. 
- He looks on for a moment, too sluggish without nicotine, but Jungkook’s lingering stare almost seems to spur the man on. He’s wearing a jacket with a military patch, a badge; some sort of congratulation for service done no doubt. and Jungkook feels his distaste for the man deepen. 
- “What you looking at punk?” he slurs. Stalking forward as if to shove Jungkook. He almost wants to tut- that would be an expensive action. Jungkook wonders if the man is maybe high or drunk or both. He’s has had his fair share of experience with junkies and he knows one when he sees one. 
- “Nothing, just a pig beating his girlfriend.” The man settles for shoving Jungkook back. And Jungkook lets him. You don’t look up, don’t do anything but lean to the side, like the brick wall is the only thing keeping you up. Jungkook sees the back of your hand, black and blue, the other bruises on your neck. You only make eye contact with him once. Just slightly. Barely in passing.  
- You look like Jungkook used to look. He remembers in the savage bite of an open-handed slap- the fear he sees in your eyes. He looks and looks. And it aches so viscerally as Jungkook watches you go, your hurt echoes through him. You look beaten down and broken like Jungkook used too; before he’d decided he was done taking punches from people who were supposed to love him- Were supposed to care. 
- (Before he realized life wasn't supposed to hurt) 
- He’s never been one to feel things for other people, the empathy sparing him through most of the suffering he’s seen. It’s not that he’s unfeeling; it’s just that Jungkook’s life has forced him to feel concerned only for himself and no one else. His own survival is his first priority; Not others. 
- He watches you walk away, And you don’t look back at him. Rushing to keep up with your husband's steps. He waits until you disappear into the crowd before he lifts his phone to his ear and makes a call. “Hey, I need you to flag all of the cars that leave the parking lot, they’re just a couple, should be coming to you soon.”
- Jeon Jungkook had become the most powerful man in the underworld because of two reasons; by being able to take punches, and by knowing when to mind his own business. 
- But For this, Jungkook thinks he can make an exception.
- (You won't remember meeting Jeon Jungkook, but Jungkook will always remember you).
~.~
Now
-It comes as no surprise that your little speech fades after a few days and the rest of the hybrids quick to return to treating Yoongi with a mix of disdain and fear. Though mostly- this seems to be caused by Minhyung's group and the other canine hybrids. Namjoon hears them whispering about ‘favoritism’ before they catch on that he’s listening in. And in the days following your impromptu departure from the farm, you find people quiet even further whenever Yoongi's brought up. Staring when Yoongi comes close, afraid to interact with him.
- Even Jimin is greeted mostly with silence from all but a few. The bunny hybrids don’t act so skittish anymore, and the cat hybrids could care less used to sticking to their own group. Taehyung seems to have encouraged the other bear hybrids to make an actual effort and they at least say hello now. It’s better than the derisive comments of the dog hybrids, or the snooty noses stuck high in the air of the dear hybrids and other exotic breeds. 
- They know Jimin is close to Yoongi and Namjoon, and now he feels even more like an outsider that before (somehow it doesn't matter as much as before). The only ones who don’t act overtly different are the new hybrids; Hoseok and the small lion hybrid. but They were never around to learn how to hate Yoongi in the first place.
- it's a little cute- the way that Hoseok will always shout Yoongi's name in greeting (though you're unsure if that's just his personality now that he's started to grow into himself). Hoseok is unbothered by Yoongi's reaction; to shy away from anything that will draw more attention to himself. But Hoseok's smile is so bright and elastic that even he has a hard time ignoring the otter hybrid. You hope there will be a friendship there eventually, that yoongi will open up to more than just your group. 
- The little lion kit is a new addition too, she's not the only young feline hybrid you have at the farm but she is the friendliest. She gets pretty close to the other cats that work in the kitchen almost instantly. Probably on account of her young age (she's barely 7) and the eldest cat hybrid seems to be particularly fond of the little one.
- She's curious and kind to Yoongi too- excitedly running up to him more than once to show him a little rock or some flower she found- and yoongi will marvel and nod, and if Jimin is near- he'll lean close and tell her how pretty it is. 
- She doesn't seem at all deterred by Yoongi's lack of voice. one day she even sees Jimin, her ears perking up excitedly, tail swishing. "Hello Yoonies voice!" it's a little cute- even if it does make yoongi splutter a little. But she's not exactly wrong; Jimin does talk for yoongi more these days. 
- She Always comes bounding up to you and giggling happily to be picked up. Her little legs stretching around your waist, small bottom sat atop your baby bump. Making you get the kind of look that makes Namjoon, Yoongi, and Jimin sigh and look impossibly fond. They can only imagine what you’re going to be like once your little one is born. Your due date is barely 2 months away.
- In truth- you’re starting to get a little bit big. You say it one morning with Namjoon. After he asks you why you’re looking into the mirror with such a displeased expression. The sound of your terse voices alerts Yoongi and he comes to the door to your bedroom to witness your spat. Making a flippant hand movement at Namjoon to back off. Namjoon could smell your distress on you when you looked in the mirror, his voice tense but breaking. “Baby just tell me, why you think you’re not beautiful like that? let me understand. Cuz to me- you look more irresistible every day.”
- It’s not that you exactly wanted him to agree with you that you were nearing the size of a whale- but this doesn’t help at all either. His unending insistence- doesn’t he see? when he looks in the mirror doesn’t he see what you do? His instance that everything is alright doesn't help when you’re feeling this self-conscious.
- Yoongi helps you, fiddling with Namjoon’s closet for a second before he pulls out an extra-large white shirt of his and helps you into it- tying it loosely over your baby bump so that it flatters your waist a little more. The attention that Yoongi shows you clearly making you flustered. Then he drags you to the mirror, tugging your hair out of its bun, the tension going out of your shoulders.
- Yoongi doesn’t know it, but Namjoon does. Your late husband used to always be so particular about your hair, yanking on it harshly if it was left down. and An easy way to avoid him yanking on it was to leave it up. And sometimes you still pull it up convinced it’s safer even though he’s dead and gone. It’s scary how simple it is- but the second your hair comes down your whole body relaxes.
- All the while Namjoon watches from your bed. And you take in yourself, the baby hairs free-floating against your forehead; Yoongi curls one gently around his finger and then lets it go. You take in the way that the fabric hangs now, making you look a little more proportional, Yoongi gives you a satisfied smile behind your back and you have to sigh and admit it. “Okay- okay- I’ll give you this- I’m not a whale”
- “And even if you where you’d be a pretty whale.” Yoongi has the good sense to hurl a pillow in Namjoon’s direction, but it makes you laugh all the same- the heaviness in your chest abated a little. Your sleeve brushing Yoongi’s as you head downstairs, Namjoon trailing behind.
- The beach trip was a nice distraction from chores but the real work comes crashing down on them the next few days. Your little group feels closer than ever, you rarely part from any of them for long and their intention, their little acts of care never fail to make you feel flustered and taken care of.
- Jimin always holds out a hand for you to take when you’re stepping over uneven ground, Yoongi makes a startled noise whenever you so much as get close to a hose that might trip you, always gesturing for you to pause and take a break whenever you’re working in the garden. Namjoon too, always running back and forth from whatever project he’s working on to check on you and make sure you have water or food.
- At night, Namjoon takes your stretch mark cream from you, rubbing down your baby bump and your hips, the little lines of lighter skin on your waist get little kisses from him.  
- Even if you want just a snack, Namjoon and Yoongi will bring you a full meal- convinced that you need to be eating more than you are. At dinner Yoongi fills up your plate- piling it high with more food then you could fit in your already crowded tummy. And he always eyes you suspiciously when you can’t finish the full plate. Namjoon too will level you with a look- asking if you really are full. 
- Since your pregnancy has progressed, you’ve become a little moodier, and a little hornier whenever way the wind blows. And Namjoon doesn’t help that much at all- and by that you mean, he makes it worse. When he comes out of the field with his shirt off and tucked into his shorts all of his thickness, his muscles that make you ravenous. 
- During lunch one day he drags you away to a forgotten tool shed, though it would be easier just to go up the hill to your bedroom- you feel like teenagers sneaking around like this. 
- Namjoon presses into you as he hits the latch on the door, muffling your giggles with kisses as you hide from the hybrids outside, voices that you can dimly hear, unable to pick out any one particular yet- but you know they're there. 
- You and Namjoon might bicker like an old married couple. But you also act like teenagers gooey and giggly and so so so in love. “Do you think that they can hear you like this? Or smell you, my love?” Namjoon is always quick to tell you how delectable you smell when you’re horny. His more sensitive nose-picking it up the second you feel a slickening between your thighs.
- You’re shaky when you respond. “I don’t know, maybe?” Namjoon always has this passionate intense air about him. He’s slightly possessive- but you’d never fault him for that not when it’s all about protecting and providing for you. Not when he always puts your pleasure first (you feel like you may have turned into a slight pillow princess with him). 
- Namjoon heaves you up onto the edge of a bench and then gets on his knees. Gently lifting your leg over his shoulder. He’s always mindful of how much you can move in your swollen state. He checks to make sure he’s not bending your hips in an uncomfortable way. 
- You put your hands back on the dusty bench to stabilize yourself as you lie back, Namjoon wastes no time in pressing his face close to your cunt and inhaling, His nose prodding at the thin fabric of your underwear. One of his ears caught on the hem of your dress. His fingers digging into the plushness of your thighs- so full and healthy it makes him hard in his pants. 
- He’s slow with the appreciation of your thighs and hips. Hands gripping and moving on to touch and feel like you have all the time in the world. But you hear voices outside the tool shed you’ve commandeered and you could just slip out and go back up to your house- but somehow you like this better. The thought of being discovered stirring an unsure heat in your stomach. 
- You can hear Taehyung's voice, and then- like a shock through your core- you hear Jimin’s. Namjoon can feel your jolt. And you realize- his sensitive ears must have known who it was before your own human ones did. He chuckles- teasing his fingers along the hem of your underwear, almost daring to slip inside.
- You almost whine when you think about what you’re being denied- the harsh pull of his fingers that you’re so addicted too, how thick his fingers and knuckles feel (almost as nice as his cock) when they pull out and push in.
- Yoongi and Namjoon have always had the most lovely hands, it’s strange that when Namjoon touches you- you think about Yoongi’s hands. The way you clench around his fingers at that has Namjoon’s tail wagging. "you're thinking about them aren't you," The way you clench around his fingers at that has Namjoon’s tail wagging. Because yeah; Yoongi and Jimin are apart of Namjoon’s pack too, and bonding and group sex are kind of the same thing to hybrids. You’d found that out the hard way when you’d found a group of cat hybrids all tangled together in the grass the other day.
- Namjoon is always so gentle with you because of your condition, but you find your hips jerking with want. His fingers still when he feels the way your wetness has spilled out the sides. His thumb pressed over your clit teasingly. “smell so good when you're like this So wet my love, are you thinking about them finding you like this?” 
- “Y-yes” you confess, and Namjoon growls, nipping at you through the fabric, the feel of his teeth brushing you, over the sensitive skin. The fabric cushioning the feeling, makes you almost gush, and you know you’ll be shakily legged by the time he lets you get down. And that he won’t let you get away from him until he’s taken care of you in this way, sated you in every sense of the word. 
- But he can also tell how shy you are, the heat under your skin at the thought of being discovered. always unsure how much of your dirty talk is a real want and not just something you like in theory. Namjoon knows the idea of sharing you with the others might seem like the most natural and hottest thing; to love you alongside them. but to you- a human, hybrid sex and hybrid bedroom dynamics aren't as given. 
- So he leans close, sliding your underwear down your legs slowly, letting you feel the heat of his palms on your skin. You're getting worked up a little too quickly, your heaving breaths needy. God damn pregnancy hormones you'd say if you could think beyond the plush feeling of his lips pressing a kiss to your clit. “Gotta clean you up for them, if they smelled you like this- then they’d know wouldn’t they?” 
- You prove Namjoons initial assumption wrong. “What if I-” you whisper- gasping quietly as Namjoon drags the fabric to the side and glides a delicate lick over your folds. “What if I want them to know?” the pleasure thrumming through your body as Namjoon licks up your slit. Namjoon stills, ears perked, eyes flashing in the half-light. The snarl against your cunt loud and echoic.
- The voices outside fall silent and Namjoon doesn't stop his ravenous licking no matter if you have to bite your lip to keep your noises in. One of your hands scrambling to pull at his hair and find something to grip onto and anchor yourself against the onslaught of pleasure. Jimin is the first one to puncture the silence, “What was that?” 
- Then comes Seokjin's voice “all of you- move along- whoever it is they probably don’t want the three of you listening in like a bunch of horn dogs” which is basically a confirmation that they were listening in, and that Yoongi was there too. 
- When you finally exit the toolshed with weak legs, sure you’re going to have to at least got change your underwear. You find a bleary-eyed Seokjin a few dozen feet away, obviously upwind of the toolshed. he levels Namjoon with a tired expression. “You both have dirt on your knees” Namjoon has the good sense to look shy at that. You hastily brush off the spots on his, and he on yours.
- If Jimin and Yoongi smell anything on you later- they don’t say anything and the idea that they might make you feel hot all over whenever they lean in too close. You think you see a blush on Yoongi’s face more than once, and maybe see him adjust his pants out of the corner of your eye, but Jimin seems blissfully unaware.
- You have a check-up at the doctor’s office in the coming days. And although only Namjoon is allowed in the room with you (they have a two-person maximum because the ultrasound room is tiny), Yoongi and Jimin also accompany you. Namjoon comes bounding out after, waving the picture and smiling so so wide, both Yoongi and jimin leaning in close to get a better look- they’re so enamored with the little photo. And when you get home- Namjoon shows anyone that asks how the check-up went, eventually hanging it on one of the two fridges in the kitchen.
- Jimin is the only one who seems to notice the jealous looks- because you went out for ice-cream after and come home with them still partially melting (you’d had another craving- french-fries dunked in ice cream of all things). One of the other hybrids having heard Jimin talk to Tae about the beach trip too. They come to you at the end of the day, 2 bunnies, a cat, a fox and one of the bears- a mish moshed group of hybrids; petitioning you to start the beach trips for everyone.
- You can only fit so many people into the back of your truck so you pick a day and start a raffle for spots. Jimin throws his name into the hat just in case but to his surprise, Yoongi doesn’t. No matter how much Jimin bugs him too; He won’t agree to accompany Jimin to the beach again. Shaking his head with a roll of his eyes back tipped back against the grass, his sunhat crumpled. Offering up a few sweet tomatoes to soothe Jimin’s sour nerves. 
- The peace lasts for a couple of days before they’re right back to treating Yoongi like shit and for some reason, it pisses Jimin off more. No matter how many times he’s heard Namjoon asks Yoongi to please tell him when anything happens. The snake hybrid seems unable to fight back.
- Jimin asks one of the hybrids why she won’t look at Yoongi (after the snake has already gone up the hill to retrieve another dish for dinner) and beyond a startled look, she just says “none of us can smell him” she throws a stack of paper towels down onto the table angrily. The deer hybrid across from them stumbling with their silver wear But she doesn’t need to re-iterate herself. Jimin understands- it’s hard to trust someone who can lie to your face- and in the world of hybrids where emotions can be decreed from a simple sniff, Jimin can’t say he doesn’t see where they’re coming from.
- Doesn’t excuse their behavior, however. After all- Jimin can smell Yoongi’s emotions through his scent and he didn't realize that was something strange until now. To Jimin, Yoongi’s scent is soft and sweet- something gummy and soft like a marshmallow. But that’s probably because he spends so much time with the hybrid. The others only spend so much time around him and are unused to his scent. And the fact that he never talks and never tries to socialize doesn’t help.
- Jimin can’t imagine not wanting to smell more of it- not leaning in whenever the other hybrid passes. Jimin wants to bury his face in Yoongi’s neck and rub his cheek all over it. The same way that Namjoon does to him in the morning if he shows up before he’s changed from his pajamas. And he knows he smells soft like sleep- an alluring smell to the older alpha when he comes down the stairs, ears straight up eyes wide as he takes in all of Jimin's vulnerability.
- and it might have to do with what Taehyung had said- that alphas eat up that sort of thing. 
- Namjoon smells good too, his scent all soft mornings and sleepy walks, the older hybrid large and so pliant in his sleepiness, eyes swollen and face puffy as he hides in Jimin’s shoulder. Sending his pine scent all over so that it sticks to jimin no matter where he is. So that jimin will smell like Namjoon all day. 
- One of the cat hybrids at the sink rolls her eyes. But when you come down the stairs smelling much the same. You touch his arm so softly in passing, like you can’t believe you’re allowed. And Jimin’s senses are a dizzying blur of cream, peaches, pine, and marshmallow. 
- when he goes back to the barns, hazy at being scented by Namjoon so thoroughly. Taehyung levels him with a funny look and a chuckle. "you're more devious than anyone gives you credit for" thought Taehyung means it good-naturedly- it's good to have a friend to ask how to go about flirting with. the other hybrids gathered on the couch in front of the tv; some cartoon playing- pretend like they're not listening in. 
- "How do you know so much when you don't have a pack of your own Tae?" he asks over breakfast, the two of them clutching breakfast burritos on their way to check Tae's bees. Tae doesn't meet Jimin's eyes "you're just lucky- most hybrids dont find a pack so easily Jimin" his words aren’t jealous- only a little patronizing. And Jimin accepts it because he knows he has a lot to learn.
- Taehyung is right- out of all of the hybrids at the farm, there are only a few who have paired up or even made stronger groups or multi-person packs. the bunnies and the cats don't form set generally- though there are a few pairs and more than a few throuples.
- Jimin as caught Yeonjun making out with a tabby more than once- has learned to avoid certain sections of the woods all together because everyone knows that's where the bunny hybrids like to go in the afternoons. The canine hybrids are the only ones who have packs, though there are more than half a dozen loners like jimin and namjoon.
- It's hard for Jimin to cohabitate with them even though there are other larger predators and more than a few prey hybrids living in Jimin's barn. he hadn’t really realized until taehyung pointed it out that each different pack occupied one corner of the punk room. More than once- the room in the barns has felt hostile if only for the packs that have claimed either corner of the bunkroom. it's usual to wake up and find more than one of the pups cuddling with another in one single bed. 
- Having reciprocated love in his pack shouldn't feel like an impossibility to Jimin. But still, when Yoongi steps close- an inch too far away, his fingertips barely brushing- Jimin just- yearns. It’s a soft sort of yearning, the kind that has jimin jumping up whenever Yoongi needs something. Has him settling a think knit blanket over Yoongi’s nobly knees during movie nights, and sticking his own feet underneath the edge of the blanket. Feet Pressed to the clothed line of his calf. Maybe nothing will ever come of it, But Jimin yearns with everything he’s got regardless.
- In the late hours of the night, when Jimin lies awake thinking about the three of you. An instinct welling inside of him that says he should walk up the hill and fall asleep on your couch just to be closer to you three (the pack instinct- Taehyung calls it, looking a little bit sad himself when jimin asks him, the other hybrid moving away before jimin can ask exactly what that means) Jimin wonders if his feelings will ever be reciprocated.
- But love is a strange thing, it’s not just about saying it with kisses or touches- though Jimin wants them too. There is love in the small things, in building something together so that’s what Jimin tries to do. Every day- he takes to gardening with a new vigor. Shouting in joy when you harvest some of the tomatoes- filling up a whole gallon bucket with the amount that have ripened over the last week. Your peppers and cucumbers are beginning to produce more too.
- Jimin and Yoongi run to Namjoon just to give him a handful. The alpha gives each of them a sweet nuzzle in thanks, even if Yoongi chirps and moves back after a moment. A flush high on his cheek. Namjoon looking up at Yoongi from where he’s stopped- cheek on the elder's shoulder. The snake relaxing after a moment. 
- You spend the rest of the day showing Jimin and Yoongi how to prepare the tomatoes to make a sauce, roasting them on low heat. Cutting garlic so so carefully, and whenever Jimin looks across the prep table- Yoongi’s gaze darts away. halfway through- yoongi stoops down, sticking his socked feet into jimin’s lap, and it feels so nice, to have their weight there. 
- You go over to Yoongi at one point, and he tips his head back to look up at you. The back of his head is at the right height to lye up against your baby bump. And Jimin watches, as you slowly, so slowly, brush the hair out of his eyes and away from his forehead. Yoongi’s eyes flutter closed and he tips his face into your hand. Letting out a low happy grumble when you take his action as positive reinforcement, and drag your nails over his scalp. In Jimin’s lap, Yoongi’s toes curl. 
- It feels strange- and Jimin can’t quite put his finger on it- but it almost feels like Yoongi is letting you all touch him more than ever. Suddenly okay with touches- as long as it’s in a more private setting. Jimin can’t say he’s unhappy about it. Maybe one-day yoongi will even let Jimin scent mark him. 
- Jimin smiles at Yoongi’s happy little snake grumbles. And keeps chopping his garlic. Is happy to receive the same kind of scratch from you a few minutes later. Though he might abandon his chopping in favor of rubbing his face all over your stomach when the instinct strikes him. Jimin unintentionally lets out a growl when you start to move away. Slapping a hand over his mouth and apologizing, no matter how you and Yoongi laugh.
- Still, despite the happiness, you have in your kitchen, in your house, whenever you’re around each other. The rest of the world is not so kind.
- An adoption day comes at arguably the worst and best time. There is still a fair amount of friction between your group and the rest of the hybrids. And a few outsiders at the farm only make it worse. Though Yoongi, Jimin, and Namjoon aren’t the only hybrids who wear red stickers to indicate that they are not available for adoption.
- Hoseok surprisingly- grabs a yellow sticker. And the three of your hybrids watch- as Seokjin hovers around him- a red sticker on his own lapel- wary of all and anyone who interacts with the otter hybrid. His glares putting off all but the most attentive patrons. That's where it starts.
- Jimin is unfortunately caught in the middle when seokjin confronts hoseok. off to help the three of them bring down 3 trays of cut watermelon for the hybrids and the patrons. The dinner tables have been set out on the side of the field piled high with Hors d'oeuvre. You’re there with Namjoon greeting the humans. Games are set out too- for the hybrids and humans to play. 
- it’s no secret that they’ve gotten close, and jimin had assumed they’d talked about it- but apparently not. Seokjin is so angry he’s nearly crying. “why- hoseok- why do you want to leave the farm?” Hoseok’s little otter ears are tight against his scalp. “I just- I didn’t want to assume?”
- “Oh- so you’d rather just- throw away everything that we’re trying- all of this- you don’t you dont want to stay do you-” Jimin has never seen seokjin looking so lost, and he knows enough to guess that Seokjin’s anger is at least in part to due to some trauma (later- Jimin will find out that Seokjin’s mother left him with his last owner- an abusive man- to save herself).  
- Jimin knows enough to get in between them, telling them to calm down and spend a minute away from each other. Jimin ends up with Hoseok- “it’s hard Jimin- how do you, how do you have so much sureness with Y/n? with Namjoon and yoongi too? How do you look at them and trust that you should stay?” Hoseok's eyes remain on Jimin's red tag. 
- Jimin sighs, thinking it through, “do you look at Seokjin and know he cares about you? like- do you know it in your bones?” Hoseok bites his lower lip, “yes- but-” 
- “Then you should stay Hoseok,” Jimin walks Hoseok up to the main house where the stickers sit on the prep table. Changing out his yellow one for a red one. And when they head off back down the hill, Seokjin is waiting on the path with Yoongi, apologizing and dragging Hoseok away to the barns where Seokjin’s own private room is. Hoseok goes willingly, smiling up at the older hybrid. His narrow shoulders cuddled under one of Seokjin's wide ones. 
- jimin has to admit, an otter and an alpaca are a weird combination for a hybrid pack (But no stranger than a pair of puppies and a snake). His thoughts drift towards Taehyung- and Jimin hopes that his friend won't end up alone. it must not be easy- to see all of you pair off like this. 
- in some ways, that adoption day is full of just as much bullshit as they usually are. there are always people who dont understand the effort it takes to take care of a hybrid- they aren't just like any ordinary pet. it's easy to spot the ones that view them as pets- and less like people. You get a few rich people looking to adopt a companion as always. 
- A substantial group of families also look to adopt similarly aged companions for their single children. And you agree to more than one possible test weekend. You’re always so particular about letting the children go, so wary and so careful in the way you let them interact with the families.
- Though they don’t have parents here- there are more than a few good role models and parental figures. More than one child chooses a red tag for themselves. And they always know have a right to it- no matter how young they are. You make it clear to the group of them; If they don’t want to be adopted they don’t have to be. 
- You even get one couple- the woman withdrawn and sad, and a slightly jealous look at your own pregnant stomach says more than any words could. It’s pretty common for women who can’t have children to adopt hybrid children. and though some of it doesn't sit right with you, You aren’t one to judge. 
- Jimin spends most of the adoption day helping you balance the need for food and for games. running back and forth to the house to help. Though there is a little work that needs to be done here and there just to keep the farm running as usual. grey storm clouds roll in halfway through the day, puncturing the blue sky- foretelling scattered showers and storms. and jimin hopes it will cut the adoption day short so that you can return to your routines. 
- Jimin is just helping Yoongi putting away a broken badminton net When it happens- Jimin isn’t certain why it does. Only that he hears the words outside the shed after Yoongi's just excited to grab the broken rackets (Namjoon isn't the only clumsy hybrid you have at the farm). 
- “oh sorry- ew gross,” a shrill female voice says, and then he rounds the corner and sees yoongi picking himself up from the dirt- a rich lady and her peacock hybrid looking down at him like he’s the dirt beneath his shoes. The peacock hybrid has Yoongi’s sun hat in his hands and there is another hybrid- a wolf hybrid from the farm with a green sticker on his shirt, who growls down at yoongi.
- His shoulders shake too the way they do when he’s been touched and he doesn’t want to be. Jimin has seen you brush your fingers over the back of Yoongi’s hand, has even felt the coolness of the snake hybrid through the fabric when the elder grabbed his sleeve. Has touched him even more intimately as of late. But he knows that Yoongi can’t tolerate being touched by people he doesn’t trust- doesn’t want to touch him. basically, anyone, that's, not you, Namjoon, or Jimin himself. 
- “Hey- what the fuck!” Jimin spits, grabbing the sunhat out of the hybrid's hand with a growl, his ears flat against his head. If Jimin had elongated canines like Namjoon they would be barred in anger as he shoves the larger hybrid back. Yoongi shrinks impossibly smaller behind him.
- Jimin is hot and itchy from the heat and the humidity, and he really just wants to shower and cool off. He doesn’t have the energy to deal with entitled people today. And more importantly- no one touches Yoongi on Jimin’s watch.
- The hybrid looks surprised to be talked to in that way, he’s nearly a head taller than Jimin let alone the slightly taller feathers that poke out of the top of his head that give him the appearance of several more inches- but Jimin’s intimidating enough with his set expression to send the hybrid huffing away. Feathers fluffed.
- The peacock's iridescent feathers stand up on end as he grabs the hand of his human owner, her diamond tennis bracelet glittering in the sunlight. “This was getting boring anyway. Sorry” he tosses over his shoulder at the canine hybrid, who looks so disappointed his ears pinned back against his head. They only give him that- barely a look, before they’re heading off down the hill in the direction of the line of cars parked on the grass.
- The wolf hybrid deflates audibly- watching the woman and the other hybrid disappear down the hill. promises of home and family disappearing in a moment, but Jimin has to think- if they’d be discouraged so easily- were they really worth it? The wolf hybrid doesn't seem to think so- Turning his angry tear-filled eyes on Jimin. 
- But Jimin can see the hate in his eyes and knows not to mistake the tears for only sadness. “You both ruin everything” he growls out- before they too run back towards the barns- no doubt to tell the others how Yoongi had sabotaged their adoption. Even though that was far from the truth. in all honestly- yoongi just bumped into the lady- or more probably- the lady bumped into him when he was on his way out of the shed.
- Jimin holds out his sunhat to Yoongi, who takes it from Jimin carefully, Jimin doesn’t linger on the fact that his hand still shakes. Jimin’s hand lingers somewhere close enough where Yoongi could touch it could reach out if he wants too. If he wants to get that kind of comfort from Jimin's touch- then Jimin will willingly give it. 
- a faint flush coats the elder's cheeks. Oh no- he must be overheating then, Jimin feels a rush of concern. He knows what you would do, hover your hand close enough to Yoongi’s forehead, usher him upstairs for a break in the air conditioning, and a glass of icy lemonade.
- All they can hear is the shouts of laughter at the games the others play in the fields, “I understand why you don’t want to stay in the barns, why you don’t want to socialize with some of them, they’re so unkind to you it makes me crazy.” Jimin shakes his head, sour anger filling him like a rotten peach.
- Yoongi, looks more than pacified, looking up at Jimin with an indecipherable look. Most of the time, Jimin can get a good guess on how he’s feeling but not now- not that indecipherable heaviness he finds there. or the strangely heavy marshmallow scent that’s fluffed around them. Jimin lets go of Yoongi’s hat.
- After a moment Yoongi nods, and Jimin takes it as a thank you. They’re done for the day and dinner won’t be for another few hours or so. Jimin is ready to avoid some of the strangers and hopefully take advantage of the empty showers. The sky is grey with incumbent storm clouds when Jimin makes his way to the shower buildings which he finds blissfully empty; except for the bear hybrid Jackson that tosses a greeting at Jimin before exiting.
- Jimin doesn’t even bother to flick the lights on, instead of settling for the calm light that comes through the skylights, grey and hazy. the storm clouds have started to roll in properly. He hums as he disrobes, goes to grab his favorite strawberry body wash, and picks the last shower at the end, disrobing in relative comfort, glad for a moment of privacy.
- The blissfully Coldwater does wonders for his overheating muscles, relaxing his body deliciously from a day spent walking up and down the hill. he digests the chaos of the day- seokjin and hoseok fighting, yoongi getting shoved. you'd looked frazzled the last time he'd seen you, smile strained as you made small talk with most of the humans, Namjoon always close incase you needed someone to lean on.
-  Jimin had been able to tell that your feet were sore just by looking at you. Namjoon will probably make you sit down before long, maybe he already has. You’ll probably cut off the adoption day because of the rain. Taking down names and information before you send them on their way. You rarely let a hybrid leave the farm after one adoption day, needing to have more private meetings and house calls to willingly part with one of them. You just want to make sure you dont release them back into another abusive household. 
- He hums as he washes, lingering in the water and taking a longer shower than he usually would. He hums, testing the way his vocal cords wrap around the acoustics of the empty high ceilinged room. 
Then he hears the scuffling of someone in the bathroom too and cuts off. A little abashed at being caught. The rustling getting closer and its a moment before he realizes that the rustling is coming from his own section of the bath. he smells him the second before he pulls the shower curtain gets pulled back. 
- “Yoongi!” Jimin shouts, furiously grabbing at something to cover his nakedness. Jimin furiously tries to cover his crotch, grabbing one of the large bargain bottles of shampoo and hold it there even as cold water runs over his face. Getting into his wide eyes. “Yoongi what the fuck! You’re naked!”
- Jimin is glad that the rumors about snake hybrids having double the appendages as a normal hybrid are false but he can’t stop his blush or his wandering eyes as he sees the snake hybrid in full. Or the hot lick of arousal that shocks him through his core- especially when he recognizes the heaviness to Yoongi's scent as being arousal. 
- there is a single moment, jimin can smell yoongi- can see the want in his eyes, can feel his own scent fluff out to meet his, yoongi sags under the weight of Jimin's scent as the surprise dissipates. "do you-" Jimin's face must be brighter than a tomato. He reaches out a tentative hand, "do you want to-" 
- Before Jimin can do much more than that Yoongi’s lips are on his, tentative but firm and passionate, the fire leaking into him from Yoongi as jimin stumbles in surprise. The kiss tastes like thank you and Ive wanted to do this for longer than i care to admit and everything yoongi can't say, can't let slip past his lips. jimin drops the shampoo bottle which narrowly misses his foot as Yoongi’s hands come up to encircle his jaw so softly like Yoongi is holding the most important thing in his world. Jimin is so shocked that for a moment- he doesn’t kiss back and Yoongi retracts- not before Jimin chases his lips and the snake hybrid returns to him.
- It’s the first time Yoongi’s ever touched Jimin so bare, and the snake’s hands on the back of his neck feel cold and shivery but good. As Jimin’s back hit’s the wall and their fronts press together for a moment, just brushing. Then colliding with more force as they both realize how good it feels to be so close to someone you trust. It’s dizzying- intoxicating, and Jimin knows his mouth is moving sloppily even if he wants to kiss Yoongi with just as much intent. 
- The snake hybrid bites- actually bites- down on Jimin’s tongue. And a strangled whine comes to live and die in his throat. A snarl in his ears from Yoongi's mouth as the snake hybrid keeps his biting, moves to Jimin's throat- bites hard Enough that Jimin knows he'll leave a bruise. "leave more- yoongi please mark me" jimin feels hot with the thought of it- the thought of all the other hybrids being able to smell yoongi on his scent gland. 
- Jimin doesn’t know where to put his hands, he knows enough to know that Yoongi doesn’t like to be touched and unsure if it extends to right now. but it seems okay if he’s doing the touching. His hands sliding down Jimin's back to his waist. He’s a good kisser, the best that Jimin’s ever kissed (not that there have been many) and he tips his head forward to put as much scalding force as he can into it when yoongi leaves his neck in favor of his mouth, trying to match Yoongi’s intensity even if he can’t match his skill.
- Yoongi takes a step forward, and Jimin’s cock brushes his hipbone, and he can’t stop the way his hips jump at the contact, brushing into Yoongi further. Jimin’s blood boils with arousal. Yoongi is equally as hard compared to Jimin. And Jimin doesn't know if its water or precum that he feels on his skin. Can't look down to check.
- By the time Yoongi leans back and finishes running his fingers through Jimin’s hair and over his shoulders. Jimin’s so wound up he feels like he’s about the pass out. The cool water cascading over his back doing nothing to settle him. Yoongi moves his hips- testing the waters, as he grinds, works jimin’s hips into an unsteady rhythm. and jimin moans. 
- Yoongi pulls back, looking at jimin, their noses brushing, like he can’t bear to have jimin farther away from him than this, want heavy in his eyes, and Jimin tastes the words on Yoongi’s lips as good as if he’d said them. “Yoongi” jimin breathes. Palms pressed carefully to the shower wall so that he won’t reach out and yank Yoongi closer. But he’s Weak against the wake of this of all this feeling.
- “fuck- kiss me again- can we- ” Jimin feels strung out, his body heavy with something like heat- maybe Jimin is actually having a heat and it’s not just in his imagination (he wouldn't really know what it felt like- never having had one before because of his malnutrition). But This kind of kissing is certainly enough to trigger one.
- Yoongi opens his mouth for a second, almost like he’s about to speak- or to try to, Jimin’s never been sure if he can- if it’s muteness or just Yoongi being selective. And then in the next moment, Yoongi’s gone, almost tripping on his way out of the showers with how fast he’s leaving jimin. A whine dies in his throat and jimin starts after him, But then Yoongi turns back. Gesturing with a hand for jimin to stay put. Yoongi looks angry, and it takes a moment for Jimin to realize that the anger wasn’t directed at jimin- only at Himself.
- Jimin stays in the shower, water thundering down around him as the sky overhead thunders too. Jimin listens to the faint sound of Yoongi dressing and then leaving the showers. Jimin lets him go. So sure that he has absolutely no idea what just happen- or even if he didn’t imagine the whole thing.
- jimin’s hand on himself doesn't feel nearly good as Yoongi’s did. 
- Yoongi’s hands shake all the way back up the hill, and he hopes his wet hair won’t be too suspicious especially when a mixed group of hybrids crosses his path. Returning to the barns as most of the adoption day festivities have ended.
 - Yoongi’s careful to keep his eyes averted. And like usual- the conversation comes to a halt when Yoongi passes them by. It no longer bugs him the way it might have once. They have a good reason not to want to associate with him. Yoongi’s body shakes with the weight of the things he’s done and the things he’s going to do.
- you gather with 3 families on your porch as you take down their names and contact information. You send yoongi a concerned look as he quickly heads inside the house. Pausing only for a moment before he decides to go to Namjoon first. Later- later he’ll ask you too. 
- Stupid- he’s been so stupid recently. Touching you- indulging in these short sweet touches because he wants more so badly. Knows he can never have it doesn’t stop the wanting. If his owner ever found out what he’s done- if she ever found out what he’d almost done with jimin- she’d surely have Jimin’s hands for it. 
- And as much as Yoongi wishes it were any other way- Jimin almost touching him does remind him of far worse times. Though he’d been the one to initiate it this time- the memories still linger. 
- Times when foreign hands touched his skin as he’d thrashed and screamed trying to protest against the taunting words of his owner. “I’ve never been interested in snake dick but if you want him for tonight you can have him- just be careful- he bites” and he shakes with those memories. Though its been many years. like most kinds of torture- eventually, his owner had grown bored with using yoongi's body as a bargaining chip. Yoongi wonders if he’s ever going to be able to be touched that way without feeling the revulsion at his own body.
- Jimin had come close, but he'd known- known that yoongi didn't want him to touch him. Had seemed more than willing to be touched himself. the revulsion hadn't hit him until the end. 
- The places he’s been touched without his consent feel black and decaying- or like ink, every time someone touches him- Yoongi’s surprised that ink doesn’t come away on your hands soft and delicate. But it didn’t change the fact that Yoongi wanted it- and wants it still. 
- he wants to see you soft and sated the way you look sometimes in the morning when he can smell Namjoon on you- wants to cause it- maybe, someday in the future if you'll let him. He knows you’d be gentle with him. Wouldn’t put your hands anywhere he didn’t want. Would check in with him- going as slowly or as quickly as he wanted too. Namjoon would be able to be gentle too- Yoongi’s sure of it.
- He wants it, even though he knows that want only put you all in danger. He’s an incredibly selfish person. He hopes he never gets to have that intimacy with you, for your sake.
- yoongi should only let himself dream of something good before he goes- sinks back into that life. But the temptation for more is too strong sometimes, his want filling him up like sticky sweet syrup that pollutes every moment. 
- Namjoon is on the second floor of your house and Yoongi takes the stairs two at a time. Folding laundry in what will one day be the nursery for your child. He’s taken the ultrasound up here now- hung it up so he can look at it. and Yoongi is reminded of A few days ago when he gushed about the development of your child to Yoongi in the kitchen comparing them to the size of a fruit. “a cute little cantaloupe- the cutest little cantaloupe”
- You and Namjoon have made the decision not to find out the gender, but the walls of the nursery are still pained blue, puffy clouds above and little flowers below, dandelions and daisies, a stalwart sunflower that curls over the arch of the door half-finished. Yoongi knows you work on the mural it whenever you can. But Namjoon gets a little paranoid about the fumes- you compromise and keep the windows open along with the door to your balcony to allow as much air circulation as possible.
- The crib, a fluffy white thing is already piled into the corner. And Yoongi remembers the first few weeks here when you and Namjoon had overzealously ordered it. He’d come downstairs after dinner one night and found both of you puzzling over the directions. And he’d shooed Namjoon away as he’d helped you put it together. The three of you ending up giggly and punch drunk tired by the time it was fully put together. And then had to carry it all the way up the stairs. 
-A mobile of little felted flowers that Seokjin made you as a thank you present a hangs above the empty Crib- colorful and cute. And Namjoon has set the laundry on the unused changing table in neat stacks. All of the other furniture is piled into the center of the room so that you can paint the walls. He turns when he hears Yoongi, his tail swishing.
- “Hey Yoon- what you get caught in a rainstorm or something?” the rain splatters against the windows with a soft patter and Yoongi drips onto the floor. He never bothered to dry off after the unintentional shower with jimin. Yoongi makes a shrug that means ‘something like that’ and if the younger hybrid hovers on the way that Yoongi’s lips look a little kiss bitten and swollen he doesn’t say a thing. Namjoon knows better than anyone- what they talk about and what they don’t.
- He hands over the slip of paper; “jimin should move into the main house, you and I could clean out one of the storage rooms and move the stuff into the attic.”
-  Yoongi watches Namjoon’s eyes rove over the words a few times. The hybrid purses his lips, “I’ve talked to Y/n about this- and she agrees- but I don’t know if he wants too? He seems pretty comfortable in the barns, he likes Taehyung and they’re friends. and we kind of want to leave it up to him if we can.”
- Yoongi snatches the paperback from him, annoyance flickering in his chest as he rolls his eye. Didn’t Namjoon see that nothing would change if they didn’t push him a little? Jimin is the type to take that kind of abuse again and again if it means not making a fuss. And Yoongi knows it’s only a matter of time before something happens again. He turns it over onto the other side and using the wall as a place to write.
- “He’s already being treated differently because of me” 'me' being double underlined- so that Namjoon really understands what he’s trying to say. Yoongi just wants to make sure Jimin is safe before he goes. Before he needs to leave and before it gets too dangerous and too near a time when his owner will physically retrieve him. Not that Namjoon knows that Yoongi’s presence has an expiration date. Namjoon searches Yoongi’s face for a source to his desperation and finds none.
- Yoongi has never felt worse for keeping secrets. Maybe in another world- Yoongi would have confessed and asked Namjoon, with all of his connections to the police, for help. Yoongi knows enough to put the whole crime system out of whack and yet. Years of negative reinforcement and beatings have taught him to keep his mouth shut and that isn’t going to change now; not when Yoongi’s life isn’t the only one at risk and he knows you’ll all live if he plays by the rules. He doesn't care about his own safety anymore. 
- The second he sees Yoongi’s distraught expression Namjoon steps closer Taking off his flannel and tugging it around his shoulders. Namjoon might not make moves to scent mark Yoongi but dressing him in his clothes is as good as he gets. Namjoon’s comforting alpha scent fluffs around him.
- Yoongi wonders if jimin feels the pull the same way he does. Dynamics are more mobile in snake hybrids and downright non-existent in humans. but they’re more set in canines. Namjoon puts his hand on Yoongi’s clothed arm and Yoongi shuffles close after a second. His nose centimeters from Namjoon’s neck taking in deep breathes to try and steady himself. He didn’t realize he was shaking.
- “It will be alright Yoongi, I promise. He’s gonna be safe.” Namjoon adds quieter. And below them both- in the first floor of the house, he can hear your voice, echoing louder and laughing at some sort of joke, Namjoon’s tail starts wagging at the suggestion of you. “I want them to feel safe too.”
- Yoongi wants to write “he should take my room- I won’t be staying in it soon anyway.” but Yoongi needs to make sure- before he leaves. Jimin has to be included in your little pack. He doesn’t want to think- about what the three of you will go through when he eventually has to leave. The days are counting down to the end of the summer. 
- He’s fucking selfish, so selfish, to kiss Jimin like that when he knows he won't be able to stay in the hybrids life. He’s selfish every time he begs affection off you, every day he keeps Namjoon Company when he’s cleaning up the other barns. Yoongi writing out words in the dust when Namjoon asks him questions. Eyes only searching when Namjoon turns his back. Looking for any sort of hidden compartment. Completing his task even if it’s the last thing he wants to do. Betraying you like this.
- Jimin spends the rest of the day wondering if the kiss with Yoongi was just a dream. But later at dinner, Yoongi won’t meet his eyes, and jimin knows he didn’t imagine the kiss. Guilt sticks to Yoongi, more distracting than honey stuck between your fingertips.
- Both of them go to sleep still thinking about the kiss. Jimin wondering if it will happen again and Yoongi thinking that he’d like it too. His fingers running over his lower and upper lips, mind awash with the memory of jimin’s mouth on his. And night falls heavy like a weighted blanket on the farm. The sky a big sheet with holes poked through for stars. A heavenly breeze tempting away the summer heat.
- All of the hybrids safe and snoring in their beds. Some even paired- if they’ve got it. Two furry bodies packed close on a single bed. Some even dream of homes they mind one day live in or of the people that one day they’ll get to love. The idea of being kept and treasured lulling them into a drowsy haze of anticipation and security. 
- That night, Namjoon knocks on Yoongi’s door. the hybrid leaning up against the doorframe as he watches the snake get ready for bed. “you know... you could sleep in our room if you want, we have an air conditioner in there too.” yoongi has a notepad ready, he knows that Namjoon likes to open all the windows and even the door to your balcony to let the fresh air in so that it feels like you're sleeping outside. He steels himself to think of someone other than himself before he writes- “I’m okay- thanks though” Yoongi writes out. 
- Namjoon lifts one of Yoongi’s blankets to his neck before he leaves, thoroughly scents marking it before he leaves it with Yoongi. And Yoongi sleeps easy that night with his nose pressed to the blanket. Safe and secure in his room. Nothing bad happens to yoongi that night even though he cuddles close to the blanket, and when he wakes in the morning. his heart beats a steady thumping rhythm- his whole body humming with anticipation. 
- It’s different to feel excited about being in love, excited for a day spent close to the people he cares about. And he knows he won't take a single day for granted. 
- The crickets and cicadas chirping in the field. And in a low tone on the tree outside, a morning dove gentle and unassuming. The sun rising over the hills. Tastes of idyllic and smells of Eden. Like lavender and honey.
- A hand outstretched, scrambling in the dirt before it goes still, fingers just a few inches from safety. Blood mixing in with the sand. The morning is not perfect for everyone.
- But even you would say the morning was peaceful, if not for the dead body dumped at the end of your driveway. 
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Kofi
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Will and Lancelot would have been friends
they were both friends of Merlin, both kept his secrets and both actively encouraged him to break the law
imagine how powerful they would have been if they'd met
they had perfectly corresponding controlled anarchist energies and the only big difference is Lancelot wanted to be a knight and Will said fuck you and your nobles
allow me to illustrate:
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they would have been such good friends and Lancelot would have showed Will how to fight properly and Will would have taught him why the royals dont deserve shit
Merlin: how was training today?
Lancelot: it was great! Will's making real progress with his footwork and today i learned that we exist in an inherently corrupt system that can never benefit the majority because it was built for noblemen to profit from suffering!
Arthur: (sweating nervously)
comparing Merlin stories? and the mutual exhaustion of trying to keep him alive?
Lancelot, turning up in Ealdor after Merlin comes up with his latest terrible idea: you've been doing this longer than i have, how do i stop merlin sacrificing himself
Will, cracking open another beer: i dont know chain him up? there's not a whole lot you can do short of sedating him
Lancelot: (taking down notes) lightly poison him
the only person more terrified of this friendship than Arthur is Merlin, who keeps finding his irresponsible and borderline suicidal shenanigans foiled by Will and Lancelot
Merlin, on his way to trade his life for Arthur's again: how did you find me i left three fake trails specifically so you wouldn't find me
Lancelot: i used my knight stealth training and followed you the whole way
Will: i used my Merlin is an idiot training and guessed that you would come here
the plans they would have hatched, they jokes they would have made, the pendragons they would have enraged
alas, this is bbc merlin and they are both
dead
but if they weren't they would be friends and you can't convince me otherwise
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crisps-craft · 3 years
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Hello there, i hope you are doing well! I wanted to ask if i could have a reading? I wanted to see if Hermes or Aphrodite had a message for me, or if there was anything they wanted me to know? I've just started working with them very recently and i don't know there energies very well yet so i'm kinda nervous to do a reading of them on my own haha, Thank you!- M.R(♌,☀️)
hello! heres what i got:
5 of pentacles, queen of pentacles, 2 of wands, 5 of swords, tower, star, 3 of wands, 8 of cups
intuitively, i also heard apollo? i dont know if youve been getting signs from him too. if not, maybe this is a sign. his energy is coming in very strongly for me. sun magic might also be a good fit for you to try out.
but anyways, here's what i got from hermes. i kept getting this sensation of him talking. i couldnt hear what he was saying, but i saw and felt that communicator part of him. again, im still practicing as a reader too so dont take what i say 100% lol but i felt like his energy was very nervous? i feel like his energy is naturally like that because of his fast and swift moving nature. so if you feel that, dont get alarmed. ofc, make sure you cleanse ur space and all that when u try to connect just to be safe and make sure ur contacting the right entity. if you feel off or scared, then that might be a bad entity. but if you feel nervous, analytical, with lots of mercurial energy, then thats him. i just wanted to take a moment to show u that distinct between the energy- i think knowing that might help with you anxieties over contacting him. i think that when you try to connect with him, you get that nervous and fast energy which throws you off and it makes you worry about it being the wrong energy and not him - u just have to keep in mind that that is what his energy feels like hehe. i just feel like this energy almost offset or off put you in a way (not in a bad way ofc, just like ur getting used to it) his energy is like a very high energy and nervous "lots of mental energy" type of buzz.
he's here to help you develop and trust your rationality. i also feel like he will help you with psychic abilities, too - like this mercurial energy will actually translate well with your intuition. ur intuition and this mental control will help balance you a lot. you will feel more controlled in both your gut feelings and your rationality. he's going to help you develop and trust yourself. you are going to feel more confident over how you analyze situations and use your personal power and intelligence. working with him will help you with those blockages you may have right now.
also kind of a random message from tarot- tower and star. you might've had a "tower" moment recently (as a collective, we've been having a lot of those recently due to this strong scorpio energy rn). and thats totally okay. our energy feels more stressed and tense, our shadow selves are likely to appear during this time. make sure you are nurturing and cultivating your energy. you might be feeling more tired and depleted right now and thats totally okay. again, sun magic, drinking water, spending time sitting on grass with the sun shining on you- these might actually really help your energy right now. it'll make you feel more alive, vibrant, and warm :)
when i connected with aphrodite, i grabbed my rose quartz and labradorite (if you have those, those two might help you connect with her easier). she wants to help you with self love right now. im not sure if there is a part of you that is hurting right now from a heartbreak (maybe this was your tower moment)? i keep getting a sad energy from you, like you might be in a funk. it could even just be anxiety. maybe both. i think that she will help you. she wants to help piece back the broken pieces with you. i feel like something broke or fell apart for you- it could be a relationship, a friendship, or just yourself feeling like its falling apart. you might've experienced a betrayal recently from someone who you didn't expect. i see trust issues, not giving in, defenses. i do see the process of healing that is ahead of you.
i hope that this could resonate- i definitely got a little foggy / unsure of myself in the last paragraph. let me know if it was accurate. i hope that it could help <3
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okay so in khr the lore is that there are this other earth-native species of sentients that are older than humans and very long lived and also, crucially, have magic fire powers. the idea is, everyone has a soul. souls also have this energy to it, powered by Will. the other species can manifest this energy, which is reffered to as Dying Will Flames, or just flames, as magic fire- there's a spectrum of colors and attributes that can show up. by modern times literally only one is alive. so for most people this doesn't really effect their lives at all. why would it. but this other species actually could interbreed with humans, so for the maybe 1-3% of the population that has one as an ancestor, there's a chance that they might unlock these powers. as you might guess from the name, dying will, the usual way to unlock it is to truly believe that you are in mortal danger, and to not want to die. to reject death, with your dying will. the sheer force of willpower will activate your flames, whatever type you have.
due to a guy in the italian feudal period unlocking his flames and making a vigilante group that ended up becoming organized crime, these powers are now an organized crime thing, especially in the italian mafia. the mob keeps their magic powers secret from 'civillians' on pain of terrible consequences. any kind of snitch is frowned upon like in regular organized crime but if you specifically try to expose the magic fire horrible eldrtich abominations will be sent after you.
the plot is this random clumsy japanese teenager finds out his great×10 or so grandpa was this historical italian guy who moved to japan after retired from the mafia, even though timeline wise this had to have been when japan was completely closed off so like what? how was he allowed in? but we are IGNORING that anyway. and he's the only eligable living heir to the most powerful mafia family in the world. he finds this out because a hitman shows up to tutor him in being a mafia boss. he does not want to do this. unfortunately for him over the course of the series his found family ends up dragging him into it anyway. the hitman looks like a baby because he is under a curse. there are so many shenanigans and dads i want to beat up.
to be clear we dont know most of the stuff about the not-aliens at the start of the series this kid just gets a hitman on his doorstep who shoots him with a magic bullet that turns his flames on. it started out as a gag manga the plot formed later. theres time travel also. i just think youd like it even if you dont add it to the crossover. the flames come in a rainbow of colors- storm flames are red and their property is disintegration, sun flames are yellow and theirs is activation, lightning flames are green and involve hardening/reinforcement (and also have electric properties), rain flames are blue and their property is tranquility (and also have water properties), mist flames are indigo and do construction/illusion, cloud flames are violet and multiply. all the flames also have literal fire properties and general enhancement. orange is sky and the rarest and what the protagonist has, and it's property is harmony. what this actually does is a little hand-wavy, skies can do all sorts of shit. canonically harmony allows you to meld two different flame types together- later in the series at one point the protag combines sky and shiny!sky (earth) to make oath flames, and one of the antagonists-turned-allies has 'wrath flames' which is implied to be a combo of storm and sky. in fanon harmony also allows you to 'harmonize' with other flame types, giving you magical friendship bonds. to what extent and how this works is up to the author, of course. which flame you might activate if you can mostly has to do with a mixture of heritage and your personality- storms tend to be agressive, lightnings impulsive, etc. skies don't necessarily have a particular attitude but it's generally accepted that they're leaders, which is why all the dons in the series are usually skies. you can have more than one flame type but it's probaby like one in ten you know. another aspect of it is that skies are expected to kind of... collect one of each of the other flame types as 'guardians' to fight with them, which is part of where the harmonization fanon comes from, though some authors have it be that a sky can have more than one per. as a treat.
anyway sorry if this is long and kind of rambly i just really love khr. one of my favorite things to do when i get into a new series is to be like 'okay what are their flame types tho' and speculate about that. funnily enough since there are 7 flame types it kind of lines up pretty well in most parts with the main seven miraculous powers- mist fox, lightning turtle, rain bee, storm cat, sun ladybug, sky butterfly. cloud peacock is a liiittle more of a stretch than the others but it still works. marinette is totally a sky tho.
Honestly sounds dope I'll add it to the list of things to check out.
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breadboylovin · 3 years
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NEW POST FOR MY 95060 PLAYLIST!!! complete with explanations of every song choice under the cut because i love explaining my own creative decisions for some reason (PLEASE DO NOT FEEL COMPELLED TO READ ALL OF IT IF YOU DONT WANT TO ITS VERY LONG LOL). i may add a few songs here and there later on, or more likely rearrange what i've already put in slightly, but for now i consider it done.
alright now heres a look into my twisted mind
PART 1: TEMPTATION
Franz Ferdinand - Michael: It's a song about seducing someone named Michael. What more can I ask for (serious explanation is that it’s also very homosexually charged like you just have to listen to it… also feels taunting in a way where it’s like ‘oooooh you want me so bad’ and he’s RIGHT Michael DOES want him so bad). Also credit to this post for letting me know this song existed and inspiring me to make this playlist in the first place :-3
Mystery Skulls - Paralyzed: Just another song about how Michael is awestruck by David and feels compelled to follow him for whatever reason (the reason is that he wants him so bad)
TAEMIN - WANT: This is one of three Taemin songs on here because I think if David survived until present day he would fucking LOVE Taemin. Anyways this is a song about knowing you’re hot shit and everyone wants you and I think after seducing Michael through fucking?? Fatal motorcycle races and evil noodle mind tricks??? David deserves to feel that
Glass Animals - Gooey: OHGHGHGHFH THIS SONG… the vibes are impeccable on this one, Dave Bayley’s alluring voice feels like a slight remix of what David is going for and the way it feels like the singer is trying to convince the listener of something (even though it’s purposely vague) just FEELS like David with Michael. The line “I can’t take this place, I can’t take this place/I just need to go where I can get some space” especially fits when imagining how Michael is new to Santa Carla and may want a place to belong that David and the boys are happy to provide
TAEMIN - Impressionable: I see this as the moment that Michael downs the bottle of “wine”, where this song is David’s internal monologue reveling in how easy it was to charm Michael and get him to join. I always thought this sounded like a taunting villain song so it just fits. Also it’s like ridiculously horny which is a plus
PART 2: THE RELATIONSHIP ITSELF
MGMT - Me and Michael: In my head this is directly after Michael drinks the “wine”, and if it were an actual song in the movie, it’d play instead of Cry Little Sister in that scene. I already made art related to this but I really just love the juxtaposition between something that Michael will later see as horrible (becoming a half-vampire) and David seeing it as a perfect slow-dance moment. Also “Me and Michael, it’s not a question now” because the blood drinking has now linked them together… mmmmm. Credit to this post again for making me find this song!!
ALI - DESPERADO: This one is less about David and Michael specifically and more about how the night in the cave went down for everyone there, starting with a soft slowness as they ate and then descending into chaos as Michael downs the wine and they celebrate a new addition to the pack. The bacchanal energy is off the charts
Dorian Electra - Man to Man: This song is just one that I attribute to all of the boys because I think they do a lot of homoerotic sparring. Also the part of the movie where Michael punches David in the face and David just goes >:-3 back at him
Chase Atlantic - Friends: I don't know what it is about this one but it just Hits… The chorus kinda sounds like David and the boys trying to convince Michael to stay with them instead of coming back to human society after drinking the blood, in the same sort of taunting manner that they had when David (presumably?) made Michael hallucinate the bike lights and sounds outside of his house
Taking Back Sunday - You're So Last Summer: THIS SONG IS JUST REALLY GOOD. I don't know what it is about this one either… I guess the “Maybe I should hate you for this/Never really did ever quite get that far” part could represent the first glimpse of Michael’s more conflicted feelings about David. Also the second half of verse 2 not only fucks so hard but could also be indicative of Michael’s repressed gay feelings, lying to himself about how he wanted to be around David because he’s cool or whatever but he actually just has the hots for him and would let him do anything if he asked to
MGMT - Little Dark Age: Mostly here just for vibes. Have y’all seen that one edit set to this song? Yeah
The Neighborhood - Prey: I feel like this song captures the general unease that Michael feels right before he sees the boys kill for the first time, knowing that he’s probably turning into a vampire and something horrible is happening… especially with “Something is wrong, I feel like prey” just generally describing what it must feel like to be a human among vampires (though he’s not fully human anymore at this point)
PART 3: REALIZATION + FIGHTING BACK
TAEMIN - Criminal: YET ANOTHER TAEMIN SONG!!!! It’s all about realizing you're with someone who’s like, an evil manipulative villain and genuinely bad for you but you can’t escape just yet because you’re kinda into it. I don't think David is THAT bad of a guy, but Michael could be like “I need to get out of this situation because this man is a vampire but I feel attracted to him and it’s hard to really get away”. Also the line “My hands holding yours that stabbed me are not clean either” just HITS cus Michael hates David’s vampirism but HE’S a half-vampire now so it’s not like he’s innocent either. This is just a really good 95060 song AND a good song in general, listen to it even if you don't normally like K-pop cus it slaps
Glass Animals - Wyrd: This would be the moment where Michael snaps out of it and just starts running away, but to no avail, because he’s still a half-vampire (“You can’t run so you must hide” meaning that he can’t outrun his new monstrous nature, the best he can do is hide it until it eats him alive). Meanwhile David laments over how this is a stupid decision from his perspective (“So, my friend, our time is done/You and I could’ve had so much”)
Moonface - Minotaur Forgiving Theseus: This is a very veeeeery bitter song from Michael’s perspective about David being a vampire… with the “You’re just a hitman” repetition referencing how David. Y’know. Eats people. And the “I heard you're coming for me now” references both how David first approached him and the impending confrontation
The Neighborhood - The Beach: This song goes from the bitterness of the previous one to a pseudo-acceptance of the end of their brief friendship and what’s inevitably going to happen next. However, I think the bridge of the song illustrates the little bit of Michael that doesn’t want this to happen, that wants this relationship to somehow work out because he cares about David even if he is a vampire (unfortunately he ends up repressing this because he feels a duty to kill David now)
Gorillaz - Rhinestone Eyes: This is mostly in here because of the music video, the buildup to a battle just echoes in my head whenever I hear this song now. In the context of this playlist it makes me imagine David looking up at the Emerson’s house from the hotel (and Michael doing the opposite) knowing that something’s about to happen and it’s going to be horrible
Glass Animals - JDNT: This entire song feels like the climax of the movie. Verse 1 feels like the Emersons and Frogs getting ready to attack the cave (“I’m all armored up”) with “I feel that final poke” being when Marko gets staked, and the chorus right after is a tinge of regret that Michael feels once the plan starts to take shape. Verse 2 is the other boys waking up to see that Marko is dead + them dying themselves (“Where my funny friends gone?”) and the bridge is Michael and David’s fight before Michael finally gores David on the antlers. The outro of “You can’t breathe without me” VERY much feels like David taunting Michael from beyond the grave, knowing how much Michael loved him and how horrible what he’s just done is
PART 4: GRIEF
The Brazen Youth - Burn Slowly/I Love You: Ooooooghghgh the conflicted feelings about their relationship is STRONG in this one… The “Burn Slowly” part being him trying to convince himself that he did the right thing by killing David while the “I Love You” part is him realizing that he really did love David and it fucking hurts
Sufjan Stevens - The Predatory Wasp Of The Palisades Is Out To Get Us: MAN. MAN… Everything past “I can’t explain the state that I'm in” is just so… it’s Michael realizing what he had even more and just how much it hurts that he’s lost it. He knows he was in love now and it fucking hurts SO MUCH!!!!!
Sufjan Stevens - The Only Thing: [head in my fucking hands] Michael moping around Santa Carla because it feels empty without David. All the “should I tear my eyes out now?/Should I tear my heart out now?” parts oh my GOOOOOOOOD sufjan stevens i'm going to slap you on the head.
Paramore - Tell Me How: THIS SONG HURTS SO MUCH ITS SO. It’s another one about conflicting feelings so theoretically it should be earlier in the story but I always envision something very morbid when listening to this (and have now written a fic about it so check that out)… Michael going back to the hotel where he put David’s body and musing to no one, asking how he’s supposed to feel now, the “And always coming to your defenses” where Michael keeps defending David and their relationship to his family who all think David was a horrible monster… this song fucking hurts. Also I unintentionally drew a parallel between JDNT’s “You can’t breathe without me” and this song’s “Do I suffocate or let go?” and now that I’ve realized that it hurts even more. Fuck this song
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smugraccoon137 · 3 years
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Supergirl Season 2 episode 8 Medusa review part 2
If your curious part 1 was just my breakdown of Kara and Mon-els relationship that got way too long. But as always SPOILERS AND GAY THOUGHTS AHEAD
Me and kel get so excited when Lenas in an episode. Like practically giddy. I can’t help smiling when shes on screen honestly. And yes Katie McGrath is beautiful, but beyond that such a pretty smile and lovely voice. I’m sure ratings started to spike when she joined the cast. Okay enough about pretty girls on to the review 
Tipsy fucking Alex though guys I can’t get over this mess of a person. 
Alex: if I have to come out to my mom then I choose to do it drunk
Kara: no your not *yoinks beer*
Alex: wait no my coming out juice
Kara Danvers sneaky sneaker extraordinaire can totally interview Lena and find out Cadmus things without anyone knowing. The confidence this goofball has is top tier
Underrated relationship: Alex and Winn though. I really really love Winn and honestly Alex is such big sister energy to both him and Kara. 
wow Lenas pretty in the interview scene. A touch of auburn hair from the sunlight really makes this shot and we never get to see her with her hair down. Fan service honestly, or maybe she heard a certain beef cake reporter was gonna come by and wanted to dazzel her.
Lena: hair up is for business. Hair down is for flirting friendship time with Kara
Poor baby thinks she falls short nooooo. Your doing your best godamn your only like 25 jesus. Kara give her a hug she needs love and affection
Kara thinks shes being so sneaky in this interview. Such a golden retriever, bad at sneakin. As soon as she toes the line Lena catches on and kicks her out. Really good acting in the scene, the subtle change in expression to show Lenas guard raising. Good job Katie.
Real quick Lena why is your office so ugly? How do you keep it clean? You spend 99% of your days in this place and its whiter than a hospital room. I hate it. Why is your desk an oval? and why does it have a hole in it? Kara cant eat you out in secret anymore damn. 
OOHHHhhhh noooo the fucking gas bomb in the bar what the fuck. EVERYBODIES DEAD JESUS WHAT WAS THAT
Poor Mon-el. What happened at the bar was fucked up, and he feels like its fault when its obviously not.
Love that he and Kara are having bro time playing some Monopoly. Oh no not Kara asking if he likes her. Honestly thought these two had good chemistry in this scene. Im a sucker for dumbass not understanding certain words and phrases. So Kara having to reiterate her questions and finally being like “You don’t want to mate with me do you?” was super fun. Omegaverse vibes mfs. Although I am confused by mon-els reaction “I mean have you seen the kind of women I’ve been attracting?” I honestly don’t know what this means.
Kara internal reaction though: Oh thank god
Wow Kara really just has no regard for her own life, huh? she just opens the door and possibly contaminates herself. It’s good to want to help people, but love you gotta care about yourself too
Good reveal with the fortress of solitude. Oof Kara gonna feel like its her fault all those aliens died and mon-els sick. They do a really good job of showing Karas relationship with her parents through their holograms. She wants so badly to see them again, to talk to them. And she can, but not really. They just aren’t real.
Lena cattily to her mother: im used to celebrating holiday weekends alone at my desk
me to Kara: please invite her to thanksgiving
Okay so Lena being adopted is another interesting parallel to Kara. Also the fact that both Kara and Lena fall into there families shadows, and are left behhind or forgotten. Really interesting how Lena and Karas relationship is so similar to Clark and Lex’s for obvious purposes. Though the CW queer coding the fuck out of their relationship in Smallville really only adds to Supercorp fever. Its always been Homoerotic subtext Harold!
Me watching Lena and Lillian trade verbal blows: Wow ya’lls relationship is fucked up. Lex and Lionelle would spar and fence but you two are on another level jesus
oooooof that last line. 
Lena: I know your lying
Lillian: and how could you possibly know that?
Lena: because you told me you loved me. And we both know thats not true
Who wrote this jesus fuck my heart. The PAIN.
Bonus thought Lena thinks Karas smart. Goofball beefcake sneaky sneakster who doesnt know the difference between flirting and friendship is smart she thinks. I love these idiots
Wow Kara just doesn’t wait huh? Oh cadmus is going to be at LCorp? Not on my watch. Lena’s there. I know this because I tune into her heart beat just to check on her cus she likes to work late. Don’t worry Alex it’s for friendship reasons.
That LCorp security guard got princess carried for .2 seconds. Best moment of his life.
God its like dark out. Lenas working on a holiday weekend into the night. I hate this, give her friends.
Lena looks so scared when Kara gets thrown into the giant LCorp sign
And then hurt Kara looking up at her with dread.
Kara internal: fuck don’t come out now. I came here to save you
God I love the protectiveness. Its *chefs kiss*. Hank throwing the beam at Lena and Kara even in her hurt state throwing herself in front of it. Sometimes self sacrifice is gay. But how Lena looks at her after wards like “I can’t believe I’m alive. I can’t believe she chose to save me”. Met with a gruff “Get out of here!”. mm yes this is my kind of content. Fight for me.
I was robbed an aftercare scene but I doubt it will be the last time. (*COUGHS* the “im leaving” phone call *COUGHS*)
Talking about the virus Eliza: what about Lena Luthor?
Kara: What about her?! (super defensive is also a super power maam)
Winn: Luthors can be pretty good actors
Kara: No, I looked into LENAS EYES. She doesn’t know anything about cadmus or her mother
J’onzz: Would you stake Mon-els life on that?
well I guess that really puts Lena and Mon-el right next to each other in priorities huh? Which one is more important? 
Wow Lena totally has a crush on Supergirl after that. Flustered dork. 
Lena: *laughs nervously* you know that doors not really an entrance
Kara: *upsettit stone face pupper*
Lena: :,) 
Okay but the way Lena just says “Anything” all breathless and helpful when Kara says she needs her help. Shes crushin hard
Kara tells Lena her mother is in charge of Cadmus. 
Lena: >:(
Annnd the crush is dead. That did not last long. Really love that Lena has such a different relationship with Kara vs Supergirl though, good dynamic having her reactions so different. Which I believe actually relates as a Clark and Lois parallel? Seeing as how Lois has two separate relationships with Clark and Superman. 
OOf the way Lenas throat bobs with genuine sadness because who she thought Supergirl was is wrong. Shes just like the rest of them. Thinks Lena is just another crazy Luthor. It hurts
Kara: I know what its like to be disillusioned by our parents, but Im a pretty good judge of character, and you are not like your mother. She is cold and dangerous. And you are too good and too smart to follow in her path. Be your own Hero.
Wow just what a good line. They are capable of some things here and there arent they? Melissa's delivery on this is excellent. And the way Katie McGrath is able to show such depth of sadness and bitterness even from a shot of her BACK is really cool. Great acting in this scene in particular. And I can see why the “desperation to be good” is such a highlighted part of these two relationship. Its the one thing in common between Lena and Supergirl, the place where they can meet in the middle. And the way Lena looks after her as she leaves! AHHH thats the good shit, the pining
Okay big Mon-el scene in coming so if you dont want to hear my ranting skip over this part. 
Funny how as soon as Kara has this big impactful scene with Lena full of tension and emotion the writers were like: shit we almost forgot Mon-els dying. 
Kara: *staring sadly back into Lenas office kind of wanting to go back in*
Writers: *cough cough* KARA He’s DYINGGGG
Kara: Oh shit right. Mon-el Oh no. My *looks at poorly written handwriting on her palm* romantic interest?
Wow Mon-el looks like shit, poor guy. Someone swaddle this pillow princess and get him some soup.
Heres a question. Kara is visibly upset that Mon-el is dying. Is it because she’s sad that the guy shes likes is dying. Because her friend is dying? Because her father created the virus thats killing him (what the writers want us to think)? Or because no matter what Kara does the people she loves keep falling through the cracks and shes helpless to stop it?
Her parents. Clark. Her adoptive father. Now Lena. Now Mon-el. Why can’t she ever do anything? Why is it always her fault? This poor kid has some deep seeded abandonment issues
Mon-el: you know you look beautiful with the weight of all these worlds on your shoulders.
I do remember my reaction here, cus I thought this was a weird line. A line that was obviously meant to be romantic and complimentary, but it felt unsettled in my stomach. Coming back and watching the scene it sits even more uncomfortably there. He obviously means well, but this line is kind of just shitty. Its a very selfish and unthoughtful thing to say to someone. 
Kara’s entire fucking life has revolved around other people and making sure they are happy and taken care of. But having “failed” at such a young age to do the impossible things asked of her (carrying on Kryptons legacy, raising Clark) she overcompensates. Any normal person would just make their life revolve around their family and friends, not healthy but it works. But Kara feels responsibility over an entire world of lost people and lives. So the amount she overcompensates is ungodly. She does have the weight of worlds on her shoulders. This is not a joke or hyperbole. Its just her life. And thats so fucking shitty. And to have someone actually see that and acknowledge it. To make it a reality so to speak. Then to have them say “yeah you look good like this” while you’re a shaking Atlas being crushed. It is just a little too much isn’t it? That pain to have someone see you finally, and then completely miss the point. For them to go “oh wow your so strong. your so brave” instead of “let me help you. you shouldn’t have to do this at all, forget by yourself. But now I am here”. 
I imagine this was the scene that crowned my darling himbo boy Mon-Hell? Which is so unfortunate. I hope Im wrong, but I feel that his character might just end up a big missed opportunity
I want everyone to know that me and Kel screamed through the entire enxt few seconds of the scene. We knew the kiss was coming from how they were building it up. But god was it painful, especially for it to be delivered after a line like THAT. But yeah very loud angry screaming
Also not to be that bitch but Kara and Mon-els scene was a total of 1:53 RT, and Kara and Lenas ran at a 1:57 RT. Just sayin...
No Lena don’t be evil thats too sexy...
Okay but the way that Lena just tricks Lillian is so good. Shes so clever. And added bonus she makes her ask for her help, which is nice actually. Lillian's obvious vice is weakness and that is often shown in embarrassment. A woman like this asking for help borders that line of weakness and its nice to see on such a dislikable character. Lena didn’t just get what she wanted she got a point over her mother.
Lena looks good in the purple coat. Repeat she is pretty
Love the mental chess game between Lena and Lillian. Lena offering help right off the bat and giving her the isotope free of charge. And then Lillian making Lena launch the virus to prove herself. Good stuff.
Kara appears: don’t do it Lena!
Lena: why not? im a luthor
Okay so obviously Lena switched the Isotope and the Virus won’t work. But thats what makes this line so perfect. Throwing it back in Supergirls face. Like “Yeah, Im a luthor. And Ill show you what im capable of.” But instead of mass death and destruction Lena saves the day. She saved thousands of lives, and its because shes a Luthor that she was able to do that. Really nice way to full circle that 
Wow Lillian really just starts booking it without Lena, huh? bitch
I really love the scene of the virus falling all around National City. The choice of an orangish snow falling was a really really good one. Paired with some excellent music for the mid season finale.
Its sad but I do love Hank just being ready and at peace with death. Im sure he misses his wife and daughters. 
Okay but Lena calling the cops is tea. Send your mom to jail honey. 
So we’re really not gonna talk about how Lena saved everyones asses? Like don’t you think Supergirl would want to talk to the woman that A) kind of tricked her, and B) saved National City. Thats just what makes sense??? But no we’re going to ignore that the DEO is a kind of shit at their job sometimes. And that the woman that they were accusing of having a part to play in all the xenophobic shit is the one who did their job. BY HER SELF. 
Okay rant over. This was a long one review dear god. Really really good episode though. I enjoyed rewatching all the scenes even if it was a mixed bag of feelings. Thanks for reading hope you enjoyed all the screaming!
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escapewriter · 4 years
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Something Great
pairing : mingyu x reader
synopsis : he knows napkins are used for cleaning up messes, but he can’t help but write cute notes to his favorite cashier.
genre : fluff, slight angst
word count : 3.5k
warnings : mentions of cheating
posted : 11/26/20
a/n : this isnt proofread. so i apologize if some things dont make sense.
TAGLIST : @vibecheckvernon @beomiebear5 @lightoflife @skylions-den
send me an ask/dm if you would like to be on the taglist
pieces of love masterlist // playlist // main masterlist
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Kim Mingyu or coward for short, according to Chan’s dictionary. Chan has watched this man admire you for so long, yet he has never grown a pair to ask you out. Even Mingyu wanted to ask you out, but like hell he’d know what to say.
Mingyu’s eyes watched your every move, and yes he knows it's creepy, Chan told him already, but he couldn’t help it. The man is absolutely infatuated with you.
“Why don’t you just ask them out? I mean it’s not like they don’t have your order memorized already.”
“Shut up Chan, they have yours memorized too. And dude, you really believe that they’d like ME?”
Chan looked at the elder, dumbfounded. He really couldn’t believe what was coming out of his best friend's mouth.
“You act like I wouldn’t date you if I was gay. Believe me, if you weren’t all soft and innocent, you’d know you could pick up.
Mingyu rolled his eyes at that, choosing to avoid any further questions. He has watched you for a couple months now, and no, not like stalking, but just frequent visits at his favorite coffee shop to see his favorite cashier.
If you were being honest, you didn’t notice Mingyu. The reason you know his and Chan’s order is because they always come at 3:30 which is 30 minutes right after you start your shift. Plus, they order the same thing over and over again. But it doesn’t change the fact that all you know is their order and names. You didn’t have time or the attention span to get to know them, and honestly, you didn’t really want to. So you go about your day, going through the same routine like you’re riding a carousel.
Mingyu goes about his day too, the only difference is you’re on his mind 24/7. He always gets excited whenever his afternoon classes end because that means he can drag Chan to accompany him to the cafe.
Chan glared hard at Mingyu who had all of his homework out, but wasn’t doing any work. “Dude, if you’re only going to drag me here to watch you stare at your imaginary significant other, don’t bring me next time.”
“Okay, okay. I’ll work.” Mingyu took his final glance at you as you took someone's order before he opened his laptop and began his homework.
//
Chan left early due to a group project meeting that he failed to remember to go to until he got an angry call from Seungkwan. Mingyu looked at the empty seat in front of him, thinking about everything Chan said, or mainly what he has been repeating ever since Mingyu stepped foot into the cafe many months ago.
He wants to confess, but all he is to you, is a regular customer. That’s all he’ll ever be but Mingyu can’t help but wonder and have a little hope that you probably look forward to him showing up at 3:30.
It’s good that he has hope but it shouldn’t be high because he probably wouldn’t be able to handle the fact that you had a boyfriend. It wasn’t something that everyone knew because the two of you weren’t exactly known in school. Hell, people call you coffee cashier because they don’t have the time to read your nametag.
Mingyu checked the time and saw that it was 4:30. He had to leave before your shift ends, not to follow you, no, but to write you your note. He’s been writing you small notes once a week, telling you what he admires about you as well as telling you about his day. It’s kinda creepy, but shouldn’t people like these types of things? It’s sweet, right?
He took a napkin and quickly wrote his note. He gathered his things as he took another look at you and left the cafe.
“Oh YN~” You rolled your eyes, hearing your coworker say your name in a singing tune.
“What is it Joshua?”
“Your secret admirer has striked, once again.” He held out his hand holding the napkin which contained the note.
“You’re kidding. You sure you’re not the one writing these?” Your eyes narrowed at Joshua who scoffed.
“Just be glad that someone out there actually likes you. And don’t give me that ‘I have a boyfriend’ crap. He’s not good FOR you or even TO you and you know it.” He grabbed your arm and set the napkin on your palm before returning to his station.
You sighed and looked at the napkin in your hand. Why couldn’t this person just approach you and tell you these things or even try to talk to you? Or maybe they do talk to you, you just don’t know who it is.
Impossible, you don’t have any friends :)
You unfolded the napkin, reading the note:
Hi YN,
I hope you've had a lovely day today. It looks like you did, considering how your eyes lit up when someone walked in. I wish I had your energy. Anyway, I hope your day continues to stay amazing and always keep that smile on your face. It looks beautiful on you :) lyric of the week : ‘i want you here with me’
-anon
You couldn’t lie, the notes always made your week, but the lyrics are very vague and you always try to figure out which song it’s from. They were very sweet and you were so curious about who it could be, but at the same time, it scares you. You were falling for their words, and it was such a dangerous thing because, one, you had a boyfriend, and two, words can be deceiving.
You put the napkin in your pocket and walked to the break room, taking your apron off and clocking out. Taking your bag and coat off the table, you walked out of the break room.
“Alright Shua, I’m heading out.”
“Later YN. Give my worst to the man.”
You rolled your eyes, silently agreeing with him as you dreaded to go home to the man you… dated.
//
“Okay Mingyu, I have an idea, and hear me out.” Mingyu pursed his lips as he looked at his younger friend. “Why don’t you try to talk with YN?”
Mingyu stopped in his tracks, “Are you crazy?”
The two were walking to the cafe when Chan proposed his idea. He didn’t know what was wrong with the idea, it seemed like a really good plan because Mingyu would be establishing a friendship with you.
“No, you’re crazy. I’m gonna go and try to be their friend while you stand back and watch, wishing it was you instead. And you can’t get mad if they fall in love with me instead of youuu~” Mingyu glared, storming into the cafe, the serious look on his facial features fading completely into a soft smile as you greeted him.
“Hi Mingyu! Hey Chan? The usual?”
“Hey-“
“YN!” Mingyu looked at Chan who appeared from behind him.
“Yes, we would like the usual, thank you.”
You smiled and clicked your tongue, “You got it.”
Chan approached the counter as he turned his head, shooting Mingyu a wink before turning to look at you, who was preparing the drinks.
“So YN, Mingyu and I kinda come here often but we never really talked to you. I think it’d be nice to get on some sort of friendship level, don’t you think?”
This is what you wanted to avoid, the friendship. It wasn’t a bad idea, but you just didn’t have the time or energy to go and trust some people you barely know, even if they were regulars. You’ve had your back stabbed plenty of times before and you don’t know if you could handle any more of it.
By now, Mingyu was standing next to Chan, silent as he watched you make their coffee. “Uh, I mean sure, but it’d have to be here because I’m very busy outside of work.” You smiled as you handed them their drinks, lying straight to their faces.
“Oh that’s cool, we just want to be able to talk to you if you were bored here,” Chan was very genuine with his words, but he also wanted to help Mingyu, in which he was thankful for.
“Alright cool, can’t wait to greet you guys tomorrow as my friends.”
Well, now you can’t get out of this one.
//
“You know, that Mingyu guy is very sweet to you.” You looked at the said man, sitting in his usual spot at the corner of the cafe with Chan.
“He is Shua, I didn’t say he wasn’t.”
“I know that, but you’ve been ‘friends’ with them for like almost two weeks now. I suggest you ditch the ass and get with Mingyu.”
You laughed softly. Joshua didn’t know that you already left the said ass so your mind began to spin as you actually considered the idea.
He’s been cheating on you, and you knew it, you just pretended that you didn’t. You didn’t have the mental energy to breakup with him, but you caught him, so you had to.
“Shua.”
He hummed, turning to look at you.
“I broke up with him.”
“FUCK YES!” His arms shot up, a muffin and a pair of tongs in his hands, “Fucking finally oh my god. Absolutely hate that man.”
You shook your head and sat on a stool, eyes averting over to the corner. Mingyu is a sweet guy, and he is fairly good looking. Who are you kidding, a man like that should be in a relationship. But what if he was in a relationship with you?
“YN? YN!”
You blinked, looking away from the now empty seat and over to Joshua who was smirking at you.
“You were staring.”
“No I wasn’t, what is it?”
He smirked but let it slide, holding out his hand that contained another napkin.
“Well at least you know your secret admirer is still alive after they didn’t leave a napkin last week.”
You took the napkin and went into the break room after thanking him. You really needed this note to cheer you up because if you were being honest, you really did like your ex, and it hurts to know he didn’t care.
Hi YN,
I’m sorry I didn’t write last week. I don’t even know if you get these, but last week, I felt very conflicted. I didn’t know if I should stop so I tested the waters. But today, you didn’t have that spark in your eyes so I secretly hoped it was because you didn’t get a letter last week, so you were probably sad you might not get one this week. That’s probably not it though. I just hope your day gets better and hopefully this note will give you a smile because someone out there (me hehe) admires you. Lyric of the week : ‘come on jump out at me, come on bring everything’ (p.s. It’s all from the same song)
-anon
You sighed softly, biting your lip to fight off the smile creeping onto your face. You really wanted to know who gave you these letters, or where they were left.
Heading out, you called for Joshua. “Shua! Where do you find these napkins?”
“You know how I’m on clean up duty? I usually find them by the trash. Sometimes I find them on the counter where people pick up their drinks or on tables. It’s not always in one spot.”
You pouted, disappointed that it wasn’t only in one spot as you were hoping you could figure out who the mystery person is. You bid Joshua goodbye, heading home for the rest of the evening.
Joshua watched as you left, whipping out his phone, and texting his friend.
Joshua : dude, better hurry up and tell them. this anon man is trying to steal them from you.
Mingyu : aren’t you forgetting that I am the anon man.
Joshua : well i know that, but it’s getting boring. make your move!
Mingyu : dude they don’t like me!
Joshua sighed. He truly thinks that you’re trying to convince yourself that you have no feelings for Mingyu. Meanwhile, Mingyu is the perfect guy who is trustworthy and would treat you right, but you’re completely blinded by the fact that all men are the same.
Joshua : just wait dude, one day, you’ll see that they do.
//
Joshua’s words made Mingyu’s head spin the whole weekend. He was sure that you had zero interest in him. Although you greet him everyday with that same blinding smile, he knows that it’s only a platonic feeling and just you showing your kindness. Not only that, Chan had found out that you just got out of a relationship, so you probably wouldn’t want to be in one. But if you were in a relationship, shouldn’t Joshua have known? That’s what brought Mingyu to the coffee shop on Sunday afternoon. You don’t work on Sundays but Joshua does, and Mingyu was determined to get answers.
It wasn’t busy when Mingyu walked in. The place was empty, the only person there was Joshua who was sitting behind the counter on his phone.
“Joshua,” He looked up from his phone and smiled.
“Hey man, what are you doing here? YN doesn’t have a shift today.” Mingyu nodded and walked up to the counter, resting his hands on top and leaned forwards a bit.
“Yeah, I know. I just had a question. I don’t know if you can tell me or not, so I understand.”
“What’s up?”
“How long have you known that YN was in a relationship?” Joshua pursed his lips, heart rate increasing as he searched for the right words to say.
“Uh, I’m gonna be honest. The whole time,”
“What-”
“-Hear me out!” Joshua took a deep breath in. He’s known Mingyu for so long, longer than you. And he’s known that Mingyu has had a crush on you since the very beginning. So when he found out that you got a boyfriend, he didn’t know how to break the news to his friend.
“YN and their ex only dated for about three months, or even less than that! At first, I didn’t know how to tell you because I didn’t want this to affect you, but then when they introduced me to him, I knew they wouldn’t have lasted. The guy was a complete asshole and didn’t like the fact that I was friends with them. I had- no, I HAVE hope for you because I knew he either would have fucked up or they would realize that he was too toxic for them.” Joshua stared at his friend who was deep in thought.
“Mingyu, I’m telling you as your friend, keep writing those notes to them because they absolutely LOVE them. They don’t show it often, but trust me, it makes YN really happy.”
Those words encouraged Mingyu, giving him the tiny ounce of hope that he needed to continue. He made a mental promise to always greet you when he walks in, and to always tell you to have a good day when he leaves. Maybe that will make a difference, along with the anon notes.
“Alright man, I’ll trust you.”
//
A month has passed and Mingyu managed to become a close friend that you cherished deeply. You even told him about the anon notes that you’ve been receiving. It really caught you off guard because Chan would usually be the one to greet you whereas Mingyu would just nod his head, but now you saw this puppy like side of him.
Thank god you don’t work morning shifts because that’s when it's really busy and due to the holidays coming up, everyone is shopping during the afternoon. You were sitting on the stool, making conversation with Joshua.
“So~ how’s it going with Mingyu?” He wiggled his eyebrows, teasing you.
“What do you mean?” He scoffed at your attempt on playing dumb.
“YN, I can see the way you look at him AND how he looks at you. You both are crushing on each other and it's so disgusting to watch you both deny it.”
“HA! He does not like me, Shua. You wanna know how I do.” Joshua internally panicked, hoping Mingyu didn’t fuck up, “He told me that he has been crushing on this other person for so long. He even asked me for advice on how to ask them out- well, I told him how I would want a guy to ask me out, but that doesn’t matter.”
Joshua looked at her, intrigued and thought about how clever Mingyu played this out, “Well? What did you tell him to do?”
You looked down and smiled, imagining that it was you Mingyu was confessing to, but slowly turned into a scowl. “I just said for him to make it simple. Like a bouquet of their favorite flowers with a cute note that confesses to them.”
Joshua nodded his head, knowing exactly what was going to happen as he saw Mingyu standing outside of the cafe with your favorite flowers in his hand, and a small note attached to it. He looked back at your slumped form, sighing loudly to get your attention.
“Why are you sighing?” Mingyu slowly opened the door, trying not to make the bells ring. “I’m the one who likes a man who is going to confess to someone else.”
After making it inside and slowly approaching the counter, Mingyu held the bouquet behind his back, signaling for Joshua to talk.
“You sure it isn’t you he is going to confess to?”
“And why would he like someone like me?”
“Oh my god YN, just turn around.”
You shot Joshua a confused look before spinning on the stool to see Mingyu in front of you. You heard Joshua stand up, whispering a ‘have fun’ before making his way to the break room. Mingyu smiled shyly before moving his arm from behind his back, revealing the bouquet of flowers before you. You softly gasped, your eyes not believing what they’re seeing.
“Hi YN.” You looked into Mingyu’s eyes that were filled with hope. “Before you say anything, yes, I do like you and yes, I did trick you into telling me how you would want a guy to confess to you, so here I am. Confessing. To you.” You could hear the nervousness in his voice as it shook slightly when he spoke.
“I-I, uh, I honestly can’t believe it Mingyu.” He handed you the flowers carefully as you smelled them. “Thank you.” He smiled at you, his eyes moving back and forth from the note to your face. “Okay, okay, I’ll read it.” You took the note off of the clip, butterflies rushing in your stomach as you unfolded the paper.
Hi YN,
It’s me Mingyu. Well you already know that because I’m standing right in front of you. But anyway, this is my poor attempt at confessing because I have a hard time saying the right words on the spot. But doesn’t this seem familiar to you? Reading a note? Except this time, you can put a name to the anonymous person. Ta da, I’m the mystery person who has been writing you notes for the longest time. Joshua has been one of my closest friends for a long time too and he’s known about my feelings for you. At first, this was a simple testing the waters thing, but when he told me about how you said your day always gets better when you read them, I couldn’t stop. I hope this doesn’t affect anything because I’ve liked you for so long, it actually hurt because you’re all that I’ve ever wanted. I’m hoping that maybe it will come true and this will turn into something great. Oh by the way, the song is called ‘Something Great’ by One Direction.
-Mingyu
You looked up from the paper to see Mingyu biting his lower lip in anticipation. “You’re my secret admirer?”
He scratched the back of his neck, shyness washing over his face, “Uh, maybe.”
You smiled, happiness flowing in your veins as you put the flowers down, hopping over the counter and engulfed Mingyu into a tight hug. Instinctively, his arms wrapped around your body, holding you closer to his. “You have no idea how long I’ve wanted to know who the person was. I’m so happy it was you all along.”
He smiled as you both slightly pulled away, “So I’m taking a guess that you like me back?” You giggled and nodded your head eagerly as he let out a breath of relief. “Oh thank god. Joshua was making me worried, I almost didn’t come here today.”
“He did what?”
Your heads turned to the voice erupting from the room in the back, “Mingyu! You weren’t supposed to out me like that. AND IF YOU WANT TO KISS YN, ASK THEM.” You moved to look back at Mingyu, face bright red as he avoided eye contact.
“Uhm, uh, c-can I?”
You looked up, pretending to be in thought before cupping his face in your hands and placing your lips softly onto his. His hands on your hips, upper body leaning into yours as he got lost in the feeling of finally getting to hold you and how he has the person of his dreams.
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my thoughts on the lorien legacies reborn series [spoilers]
i think it sucked
sorry
i loved most of the characters to bits and they all deserved better (in terms of characterisation, plot)
nigel. oh my god nigel i love him so much
ran takeda deserved SO MUCH BETTER im still mad
the way they hinted at a whole bunch of romances but only made the one i dont give a shit about canon
i really really hate white girl taylor cook
yes, having a white american girl as the main character IS diversity :))))))
isabela is cool as shit and i wish i was her
i love their fleshed out backstories but i wish i couldve heard more
THERE WAS LITERALLY NO DEVELOPMENT IN MOST OF THEM (personally i think the series was cut short bc they all had so much more room to grow)
(it gave off percy jackson movies energy)
it hurts me how the writing hinted that nigel would get his heroic moment but he literally never did 
and then nigel was left with what? his only best friend dead, his parents corrupt assholes and him still not having healed from his trauma- still the underdog
ALSO: NIGEL WAS THE ONLY CANONICALLY GAY CHARACTER (except for maybe daunphen but still that doesnt really count bc its only implied) but they just like. didnt give him a love interest. 
nic was literally right there- that homoerotic moment really hit me and i just read it over and over
ran’s death was really well done but also COMPLETELY PREVENTABLE
if isabela had just told einar to stfu and shoot lucas it wouldve all been over and ran and five would still be alive 
speaking of which, ran and five were a super cute couple/friendship i cant tell but i like their dynamic a lot
five saying that he “actually likes” ran is essentially a confession of love in his terms
caleb. i liked him. but he was so boring and straight. i think his development wouldve been great if they just DID SOMETHING WITH HIM
also idk whether to ship isabela with caleb or daunphen but personally i like to think of daunphen as trixic which is unrelated
caleb literally. had potential. troubled home life. not as bad as the others but he never really stopped being an uptight little bitch
if he had, i think he wouldve been great
I LOVED EINAR’S GROUP’S DYNAMIC
do they have a name? i feel like they do but i cant remember
like... what a mix of characters, i love how they work together
personally i think theyre just the gay friend group
on the topic of einar,
i KNOW i shouldnt love him the way i do but if you didnt want me to love him you SHOULDNT HAVE GIVEN HIM REDEEMING QUALITIES
(same with five)
literally einar’s final monologue hurt me so much even though he nearly did drown nigel in gen 1 but still
“will you- will you finally listen?” yea kill me now 
i really hated how they brought the villain in in the final book. the fuck. who even gives a shit about lucas. no one remembers him
also it feels slightly political to make the main villain a radical christian who wants to convert the earth garde by killing them
listen i could talk about einar all day
i think he and isabela were a great friendship... of sorts
i mean did einar ever really let anyone close enough to him to make friends
but hes just so... S O F T
no hes not 
but he is to me 
ew
kopano really deserved a better gf than taylor
god 
also i wanted to see more of miki
again i will reiterate i think nic and nigel wouldve made a great couple
i keep forgetting theyre all just teenagers and thats kinda painful
einar was just a kid bro 
SO MUCH NUANCE TO HIS CHARACTER THAT WAS NOT EXPLORED
so much potential
hmm am i forgetting anyone?
lets talk about john smith
that man has a hero complex and its really annoying and part of me is really glad he wasnt the one to save the day this time but also i didnt want ran to die so
i think it wouldve been fitting if einar just ended it all since he kinda started the whole fiasco
fuck bea barnaby and her homophobic (and also mass-murdering) ass
the john and marina thing shouldve been forgotten completely no one ships them pls 
they had their one true loves just let them be without an s/o thanks
ella deserved to have more screen (? its a book) time bc she was my favourite character in the original series
OH MY GOD I HAVENT TALKED ABOUT NINE YET
hes the loml
also the part where lucas (in the body of john) rips off his cybernetic arm really hurt me
i kinda wish taylor died instead of ran
kill off the heroic white girl instead: the fifth wave style
john is such a stupid selfish bastard honestly but having a hero complex a valid flaw but still. i cannot deal with his bullshit all the time
writing one line on john and nine reuniting was cruel when you know most of the fandom ships them
also i like einar’s softening up near the end, and treating the group like they were his actual friends 
i wish we couldve seen more of them
i love myself a found family ragtag group situation
even though 2 of them died 
and the other has an inhibitor in his head, gets shocked every 3 minutes and took the fall for everyone
AS HE SHOULD THOUGH, MOST OF IT IS HIS FAULT
but hes just a kid
my thoughts are so scattered
omg stop i think i relate to einar... no..... not the literal mass murderer “terrorist” psychopath
he’s uptight and always needing to be in control
but he feels the pressure of having to be perfect to everyone else, and thus falls apart on the inside
gosh i wish i didnt love einar the way i do
final thoughts (but i’ll probably add even more): ran :’( nigel :( taylor >:( caleb :| einar :’( isabela >:) daunphen :D john :|
i hope no one reads this
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