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#i dont know ho to feel about this
mommymilkerssociety · 7 months
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I know this isn't what this blog is for but I really have to vent :(
I have this really huge platonic crush on this person (let's call them Alex) but they canceled our plans to hang out with other people and it makes me really sad because I really wanted to see them.
so for context, we've been friends for around three years and we met these people around the same time. I've never been close to them (the new friends) because I don't really mesh well with their sense of humor or interests but Alex got really close to them really fast. now the friends made plans for this Tuesday and I wasn't planning on going because I was busy and me and Alex had made plans for Wednesday.
now the friends moved the plans to Wednesday because not enough people were going and now Alex wants to cancel our plans because they want to hang out with their other friends and I don't really want to go to the big group outing because they make me feel excluded in a way if that makes sense, they don't really try to include me in conversations, even when I try to include myself they shut me down
I really like Alex but I don't think they consider my feelings in this (I haven't seen them in half a year and me and Alex made plans two months ago when the friends planned this outing this weekend) i don't really know how to explain my feelings to Alex because our relationship is based on humor and lightheartedness but i don't think they feel the same as me or put in as much effort in our relationship. i also don't have many friends outside of them, i have like two others but they're both pretty casual, talk when you see each other but nothing else.
i think i should branch out more but I'm pretty unsociable and awkward when talking to new people so i don't really know what to do ˙◠˙ i don't know if i should bring it up to them because I'm scared they'll think I'm stupid
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always-a-joyful-note · 3 months
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More general thoughts about idol media as a whole is that it fascinates me on a weird level. I mean, stories like ORV or Revue Starlight explore the theme of art and its maker, exposing the pain and joy that comes from making something you love and how you cope with sharing that art to the world. But idol media like Idolish7 and Enstars and so on - it has that, but.....at the same time, underlying it all, there is a sense that this is almost first and foremost commercialised art. That's not to say the idol characters don't love music or making art, nor do they agonise over it....but generally, idols (as far as I know, anyway) are supposed to belong to and cater to the fans. Like in ORV, you write stories for yourself as much as you do for others and it doesn't matter if no one reads it because it's just important that it was there. Revue Starlight doesn't really have an in-universe audience (it kinds of breaks the fourth wall, instead) and goes deep into the blood and sweat it takes to stand on stage and act. Those stories say that you make art for your own reasons but that art is meant to be shared. Idol media, on the other hand, has a setting where you make art to be sold/shared. Yes, it can coincide with what you want. But, in the end, you are an idol and not an artist
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themorbidart · 10 months
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My VTM character has been put into Fallout 4 and I don’t regret it at all. He’s been so much fun to play as and to try and build a melee/charisma build around!
There’s a theory that the Sole Survivor is actually a synth and I absolutely love said theory and it makes a hell of a lot of sense (more sense than the actual twist) and it fits Calvin perfectly.
More info under the cut…
In this AU he’s ex military AND serial killer who had his reign of terror before the war in his old life. Now he gets his kicks off of killing raiders and other wasteland filth who want to hurt innocent settlers.
He’s mostly a do-gooder, but he’s a do-gooder who doesn’t take shit, isn’t super nice with his help and often demands extra pay when he’s particularly inconvenienced, or testing to see how much of a stand-up guy a leader is.
Resistant to authority, questioning government in whatever form it takes, lashing out at people who take advantage and lie and cheat and steal, this man is volatile in his quest to make the world better and the world is better for it.
Right?
Also he 100% settles down in Far Harbor at the end. He loves the seaside and the isolation.
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juusasu4evagrrl · 1 year
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Genuine question, does anyone want to hear about naruto from the prospective of a Liberian person grappling with the generational trauma of a brutal civil war or is that too heavy??
Like there's, I like sasuke cause he's a cool dude, very wholesome do tell, and then there's, I like sasuke cause the government also tried to eradicate my people group that one time and holding empathy for that dumbass kid teaches me to examine a my own experiences with compassion, honestly what a downer like who cares.
I don't know thoughts???
#do i even wanna speak on it#maybe i should just rewatch pray the devil back to hell give my dad a hug and tell him how proud i am of him#on second thought#maybe we should go the naruto route#like i promise their are a lot of wacky connections between the warfare in naruto and the liberian civil war#general butt naked eating hearts kakuzu also eating hearts#Samuel doe ( may he rest in pieces in someones digestive track while his soul burns in hell) and danzo#the thing i like about connecting fandom to my life is that it teaches me thing that provide empathy in spaces where it did not naturally#exist but the thing is i dont want to have empathy for a lot of those hos and i think thats valid actually#i think its important to bring our personal live into fandom though cause its all we really have#idek i think it would be best to keep the real world seperate from fandom in this case but#my dad just completed a trip to Liberia for the first time in 30 years (round of applause pls) for the first time since the war has ended#a confilct that started when he was my age (younger actually) and ended a month after my birth and has left so much instability who knows#if its ever really over#were all struggling to come to terms with the Liberia left behind by those events the family and friends we leave behind#and i feel like it would be easier to talk project it all onto stupid lil alien ninja wars instead of talking about it irl#i love sasuke cause i deeply relate to his struggle even though im a generation removed#but i feel like this fandom would not be receptive to the way i would disscuss his character if i made that connection in an analysis#so maybe ill just stew in my emotions a little longer and when i go back to Liberia this summer wth the fam ill decide weather to make#that post or not onece and for all#no that'll be perfect actually cause then i'll be able to make it a post for liberian independence day#ughhh like i don't be wanna talk about it irl but i don't feel this would be a good outlet either#naruto commentary in relation to the liberian civil war sounds like a dope essa but should i write it???#probably not but we'll just have to see#thoughts feelings opinions?? any other Liberian naruto fans on here??? pleas siblings put some sense in me#naruto#not naruto#god i don't even wanna make this post lets see how long she stays up#im writing too many naruto analysies rn anyways lemme worry about that first
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dockaspbrak · 3 months
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You ever feel like people dont care to get to know you? Idk. My dad couldnt tell ya a fact about me, i never manage to make friends. I think theres something wrong with me.
I dont mean to be downtrodden its just like. Idk. I think its my bad social cues and like maybe i have evil energy or smth. Ever since i realized i had autism ive been so much worse socially. I was so charismatic for awhile.
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italiantea · 2 years
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honestly the reason online friendships work is because we dont do things together enough for you to find me annoying or incompetent and i dont know you well enough to be mean to you
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philosophicallie · 5 months
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also being short in the western world is fucking humiliating and not even in a compare your appearance way. its the fucking constant lack of fitting clothing because your proportions are so fucking short because you total up to fucking FIFTY FIVE!!!! 55 inches ONLY
small sized clothing will usually still have 4-5 excess inches for fucking standardization IM NOT THE STANDARD IM A STUPID SHORT ASIAN IMMIGRANT JUST LET ME HAVE SMALLER CLOTHES WITH SOME FUCKING DIGNITY
#this is a very personal problem and i wish i could complain more but i dont have theq energy and all i have are tears#but like i already live thru the embarrassment of asking for help constantly and using stupid ass ladders#cant i at least fucking have some actual short people pants please. please. i have to geqt shit tailored or start doing mods myself but#I SHOULDNT HAVE TO ITS 2023#i literally want to die tonight so i can stop being a burden on my bfs bc i can feel it i can feel how taxing i am and i know i shouldnt be#thinking this but like. i cant stop. i make it hard to be my friend i make it scary to be nice to me all i wnt to do is attack bc im hurtin#but thats not. gonna make me feel better in any way but thats not gonna stop the constsnt impulse in there to just start screaming#and its worse knowing thwt no matter what route is taken ill still get angry. or maybe i just want them to be angry about me already so i#have an excuse to get wngry back and idk. feel catharsis through that or something#idk. i hate my stupid brain and i hate my stupid ex for making me hate it more#im so angry and i have no one who is comfortable enough to deal with that so instead ill sleep earlu @#idk i hate differences they make me fixated on all the ways i can get angry about it so idk how to deal w that#i have so much to compare + i cant say it bc if i do then theyll be conscious abt it/theyll know its smth that just adds .1% to anger meter#ugh i think were hoing to moms this Christmas and while thsts nice i dont. have the emotional capacity to confide in her#i only want my mom. but i cant tell her any of this bc theres nothing that she csn even do#other than just throw money at me for support#i hate this#original#vent
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thenetvvork · 8 months
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NETWORK KILLING GAMES... 2!!!! SET UP BEGIN!
B REFUSES TO PARTICIPATE I REALLY WANT HIM TO PARTICIPATE :(
WE CANT FIND THE NOTES FOR THE FIRST TIME WE DID IT THEY WERE IN A SKETCHBOOK PROBS AT MEWS PARENTS HOUSE :( SAD!
also Network Killing Games 1 (one) for the normal folk here who are normal people no powers no weapons no nothing
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pissfizz · 1 year
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#it’s just so fucking frustrating. i have 681 followers on Instagram. over 80% of those are inactive accounts. the rest I would say is -#-roughly 15% friends and family. and the other 5% is people who actually followed me cuz they liked my art#and I get about 20-30 likes a post. almost all of that is friends and family yet again. with a few stragglers that aren’t. and then of -#-course there’s bots in there too#and the reason I don’t clear out these accounts is cuz I know that once I do I’ll see how many people are left that actually do care. and -#-it’ll make me feel even more like shit than I do now when I see that#but oh ho ho this little 14 year old with toxic twitter brains is out here with a 5k plus following and their future basically guaranteed -#-in the art field#and a huge percentage of the time they’re like. fine! they’re not even good just FINE. like I am OBJECTIVELY better than them in many cases-#-and yet!!#but that’s not mentioning when these literal middle schoolers are actually amazing talented gifted artists#like I don’t understand. when I was your age my art was ass. it still is compared to how you’re drawing#i draw literally all the fucking time I’m constantly practicing and trying to test my limits but it never makes me any better#do I not fucking practice enough. am I supposed to draw until I get a goddamn carpal tunnel so I can even compare to this asshole kid on -#-twitter or instagram?? i dont fucking understand and I’m so over it#every time this happens I want to slam my head into a wall until I get brain damage and fall into a coma and never wake up#i want to fucking smash my head with a rock and my brains splattering the pavement will be my final awful art piece for this world to see#this is the only thing I have and yet I can never get the validation I crave and need and I’m not even good at it anyway so I probably dont-#-even deserve it in the first place#I’m so over this shit#vent
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evilminji · 4 months
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You know one of the purposes of Lining?
Shock Absorption.
If the Zone is the Inter- and EXTRA-Dimensional Lining, connecting, containing, and generally powering all of Multiversal Creation? The Great Primordial Soup? The Ashes to Ashes, Dust to Dust, from which we came and too which we return?
If the Zone itself is basicly the place between Universe, where your soul goes to get washed down, cleaned up, recharged, and sent out to wherever the next random portal takes it? To BECOME whatever you happen to find? An infinte recycler and Multiversal management?
The great metaphorical Yggdrasil, grown far beyond few branches, into an incomprehensible forest of one?
Well!
That kinda changes things! And also nothing! Because it means that those who remain? Are basicly squatting in the DMV's attic. Have built bunkers, under the country's main power generator. They really SHOULD move along. Granted, there is no one to MAKE them... but like...
That's cause no one thought anyone would NEED too?
Lol. Don't they feel silly? Anyway, I'ma put MY house over-! *wander off to go squat in the rafters*
Yeah, the CONCEPTS are native. But those probably just generate naturally. It's all the Souls constantly flowing through. Lots of background Sentience and Memories and such being washed away into the air. But? Then these lil souls were like "yeah, but if THEY get to stay... me too! D:< " "no, you can-" "ME TOO" and then they stopped listening and did what they wanted.
Good thing we have literally infinte amounts of room.
T...there's so MANY, you guys.
But! Not the point here!
*smacks white board* Realities! The Die too sometimes! And get born! A beautiful process, really. You can find Reality Beads if you know When and Where to look, some times. They, OBVIOUSLY, don't last for very long. Since they are basicly just seed universe. The explosive growth takes them almost immediately out of our range of perception, as they Begin.
Foundations of all Life and such.
But good God are they MAGNIFICENT!
However, sometimes? The REVERSE happens. If you find the area of the Zone your in? Is getting... "wavey" is the best way people describe it. Distorted. Fun house mirror. As though your vision has weird wrinkles that are distorting and stretching your view of things? Get Out. FAST.
If it's only SLIGHT? Barely noticeable? You can grab your Lair. IF, and ONLY IF you are NEARBY! If not? Remember. Things can be replaced. YOU? Can not.
Cause that "wavey"-ness? Is the final stage of Realm Entropy. The universe that portion over the Zone is covering and connected too, is all hollowed out. And about to CAVE IN. You DO NOT want to be there when that happens!
Remember! You see "waves"? Fly for three days!
Get to the edge of the affected area then KEEP GOING for a full three days flight. Warn everyone in you path. We stay safe together, guy. Collapses are NO JOKE. People get... well. Let's just say it's NOT a nice way too go.
Knowing this of course? We should all be SAFE right? Respectful if Awed distance from Reality Seeds, run like he'll if "waves"? We Gucci?
.....Sooooorta.
*flips Whiteboard to other side, to reveal a cartoonishly drawn Supervillian labeled "Asshole"*
Behold! A Terrorist!
It's a charged word. Not used lightly. But THESE fuckers? Oh ho ho! THESE fuckers?! "Ooooh~! Look at MEEEEE! I'm gonna play with FORCES I DONT UNDERSTAAAAAAAND! Destabilize my whole funckin UNIVERSE! Kill countless TRILLIONS OF TRILLIONS! Cause life was bad to me personally and I'm mad about it! Wah wah wah!!" ASSHOLES!
These fuckers? Cause Collapses. Blow Outs. Weird Fucked Up Cancerous Real Growths. You ever seen the Cleaners? No? You don't WANT TOO. They are basically eldritch, deep sea, angler fish looking mother fuckers THE SIZE OF SOLAR SYSTEMS. They travel in SCHOOLS.
BIG ONES.
When Realities collapse, they "fall off" as it were. Detach. And have to get recycled. All the countless impurities of Life eaten way to a blank slate. So it too, can start again. Thus the Fish. But! They ALSO eat anything "problematic".
Like tumors. Cancers. Poisoned, Multiversal Threats. Those quote on quote "God Killers".
Yes. Yes this IS part of why you DONT want to be near a Collapsing Reality.
No I WON'T explain how I know.
I DONT WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT.
*smack the board with pointer* pay attention.
Jason Todd. Not! An Asshole. Sexy thighs. Fancy lil hair strip. We all miss him. But! He's off living his "no really, I'm totally alive, guys" hot girl summer or whatever. We are going to respect that! But!!! How did that happen? When he was DEFINITELY Hella dead?
Superboy Prime-y Pants. Who IS an ASSHOLE.
Because THAT fucker? PUNCHED HIS REALITY SO HARD IT NEARLY SHATTERED. Oh, no, I'm sorry! He punched SOMEONE ELSE'S reality! Because he is a tantruming MAN CHILD! And NOW? Now, Your Majesty, that WHOLE ASS Reality is more hair line cracks then border walls! One good shove? It'll cave in. Killing every soul inside.
The Cleaners are ALREADY circling.
It needs to be patched. Immediately. But that's not something normal ghosts can DO. The Zone won't LISTEN to us. Nor allocate the energy for it. The Concepts of Healing? We can't even FIND them.
We need help.
Please help them, King Phantom. You're the only one who CAN.
@hdgnj @babbling-babull @hypewinter @ailithnight @mutable-manifestation @nerdpoe @the-witchhunter
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ygslvr · 1 month
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Jealousy, that shit gon' eat your heart out
Ony x Afab Reader
Word Count: 2,015
Just me talkin: This a “lil short” sumsum i thought of while making my gojo ff and this is also the first ever thing imma put on this platform so treat this shit with love and be nice bc ian scared to cuss a ho out okiii byyeeee hugs and mfkn kisses
Warings: Language, TOXIC RELATIONSHIP and uhhh just alot of shit read with caution fuck 🧍🏽‍♀️
Summary: You And Ony go to his neighborhood to visit his grandma and him to hang around his fam just for a bitch to be all up on him and grind on him and he don't do nun bout it but thats okay you will
“Alright Ma we almost there,i need you need you to please be on your best behavior” He squeezes your thigh to emphasize his please
If youre being honest you hardly heard him bc you were too busy staring at how FINE and DIVINE your man looked i mean cmonnn now he had on his jewelry,chains and studs, look so good on his ass. And he was in a white tee with a black jacket and black sweatpants and made that shit look good asl. Ou the things you could do to him ouuuu the things the things mannnn you can just su-
“BAE”
You snap out of you lil trance you was in “huh, oh yeah yeah you know i got class i could neverrrr”
“Mhm” he rubs your thigh and pulls into the neighborhood
“You're the one i need to be telling that” you say as you pull down the mirror to check out your hair and makeup before yall get there. Ony looks over at you with a confused expression. “What?”
“Dont what me bitch yk i look good” You look over and start caressing yourself and moving your hair out the way so he can see your outfit
“Chill out with that bitch shit yk how i feel bout dat shit” He lowers his voice on the last part
“Mhm i know baby can get sensitivveee” you say in a baby voice making a concerned face while patting his shoulder
You arrive at his folks house and they is boominggg. I mean,lil kids running around in the front yard, old heads on the porch watching the kids and cars that pass by, a bouncy house for the kids, and you can just smell the good ass food from the driveway. Ony watch you get out the car and you both start walking to the house.
-Imma skip some bc while i was editing I noticed half of this was useless talking making my word count go up so I deleted it..🤭-
You're sat down by Ony’s Aunts and female cousins talking about any and everyone. You can see where he gets his chill demeanor from all of his fam is cool asfk. Ony is sitting next to you with his hand firmly on your thigh,chopping it up with his uncles cousins and friends. Somehow their convo gets to dice and they get up and go to shoot some. As ony is leaving he kisses you on the cheek and tells you he’ll be back and after that y'all could go then he kisses you on the lips and leaves.
“Oooo you got him hooked in lovee honey i never saw him this tranced” One of his aunts say as she pats your arm
You giggle and turn towards them “I dont get what you guys mean, does he seem that in love with me?”You smile
They all collectively say ‘Hell Yeah’
Everyone was vibin and you and his family just choppin it up talking about everything and anything. Ony and his people back there loud playing dice, dominos, and spades just cursing,slamming stuff , and loud. But it aint mind yall it was just a cozy time bonding with his family that's until as one if his aunts is talking she looks behind you and just trails off then the rest of his people turn around and looks and all collectively start to gape in that direction , so you decide to turn around and see what's happening. You turn back when you don't see anything but people, you give them a confused look and one of his Cousins explains “You see that girl with red highlights that just walked in and making her way to ony? Well that was one of ony coulda been girls they talked and prolly even hooked up we dont know but they was close as fuck people thought they were dating but ony hard denied it thats how close.” You turn around and look and by the time you do she alr made her way to the table they was at, you turn back “Not to be rude but they used to be close so why yall so shocked she here” you said smiling.
The worst that could happen is that they still talk just recently stopped talking or he crazy about her or sumn but nahhhh ony aint stupid he know you batshit crazy like yo mama
Another cousin of his continues “He aint tell you girl? That bitch is bat shit crazy but Ony being the nice boy he is never told the hoe about herself, like he should of but hey imma hold my ones with that.”
You give a confused look
“GIRL HE REALLY AINT TELL YOU?! Well miss thang be all up on facebook and instagram posting him claiming they still together using pictures from like 3 years ago even said they got a baby together the baby is one…. girl….like give it up”
One of his other cousins chime in “And ony being a lil bitch dont tell her shit telling us to ignore it and she gon shut up but nu uh that hoe is still going and ion think she gon sto- uh oh?” She stopped when she looked behind you and everyone eyes followed including yours just to see the girl all up ony in the seat right next to him. Like she had her leg over one of his and touching his arm they whole package and wtf was ony doing? Smilin and telling her chill … this nigga want you to be on first 48…
Like him having an old fling? Ok as long as they not still doing shit, especially behind yo back. The old fling came to his family function after he cut her off? She crossed a line not a thick one but its whatever don’t cross the thick line and you good. Being all up on my nigga and feeling on him like he yours and y’all engaged. Bitch you need to move immediately. THAT GOOD FOR NUN ASS NIGGA JUST SITTING THERE SMILING??? Ok bitch you think im stupid and ima a soft ass hoe playing on my fucking top.
You turn back, dig in your purse for your perfume spray sum on you and tell his family to excuse you and that you'd be back. As you get up you grab your drink in case that bitch try sum. You sip on it as you make your way to the table ony. As you're making your way to him you don't take your eyes off him and eventually he looks at you and the look in your eyes makes him have a confused expression. You dont know if this nigga confused on what you finna do or if he confused why you looking at him like that. And you dont know why his good for nun ass is confused, unless he acting dumb…. Ouuu you finna fuck this nigga UP
You make it over to his seat and kick that roach’s leg off your husband and ever so politely sit on his lap. You hear the girls in the back CACKLING , you don't mind that the Ony wanted you to behave oh so bad before yall pulled up giving you that bitch ass speech in the car just to come act like this. So you do what your man said and behave. And you look over to that fishy ass tramp next to him.
“ Hi, I’m Ony’s Girlfriend, Soon to be fiance . I SEE y'all are pretty close so i decided to come over to introduce myself”You smile big and hold out your hand to shake hers making sure to show off the big ass promise ring he got you that can practically be an engagement ring.
Bet he aint get yo cricket booty ass nun like that before huh bitch?
The bitch is looking at you like you took her granny cane, slapped her mama, and hexed her whole family line down to the newborns. “Uhhh…” You say as you look at your hand waiting for her to acknowledge it. After 2 more seconds you put it back in your lap not bothered by her, fixing yourself on Ony lap. The aura is still tight but his family try to loosen the vibe and start back their dice game. “Nu uh bitch you gon have to get the fuck up.” The whole backyard went dead. You look at the ho then start looking around because she couldn't possibly be talking to you. Nahhhh she was talking to someone else. She needed to be talking to someone else because this bitch was playing with water and electricity. Because you finna light her ass up, nah she wasn't talking to you impossible nahhhhh. Then she grips your arm and snatch you up, “ i dont know why yo ass looking around im talking to you get off my fucking husband”
This bitch don lost her fucking mind… NAH FUCK DAT SHE WASNT BORN WITH ONE OBVIOUSLY.“Listen here trick if yo sour pussy ass don't let go off me i know sum”
Ony soft bitch ass in the back talm bout sum “Chillout, sit yall ass down” He makin you mad the more his ass does sum. But you ain't even worried about that. You take one last sip of your drink and chuck it at that tramp. Beaucoup people jump up and others watch making noises. But nah fuck dat you finna handle this ho. You cock back and punch that bitch just throwing hits not even caring if you hit the ho or not, but you are TRUST. She start hitting back and yall end up on the ground, you ain't gon lie this bitch hitting hard so you make sure to hit harder. You just thowin the bitches hitting her in the titty and her face. Until you get pulled off and yall get broken up and Ony holding you, as one more rebellion you kick the bitch and spit on her. “ ALRIGHT CHILLOUT. STOP” Ony say as he start to carry yo ass out. You think you did too much til you hear his aunts and cousins hyping you up and tellin the rest of the fam to let that bitch stay on the ground. You don't get to hear it for long as ony throw you in the back seat and lock the car as he go back to get y'all shit.
You just sit there bc aint no point in running back and finishing that hoe you already don showed her ass a whole new world. It's over now so you just sit back and fix yourself. After a good 5 mins you finally hear Ony come back and hear him apologizing for your behavior over and over again. He gets in the car and looks at you through the rear view mirror. He sighs and starts the car and pulls off to take yall home.
It’s been a good 15 minutes of silence before you decide to speak up. “Yo punk ass had her all over you so don’t blame me.” You say looking in the mirror for his reaction. He looked up and started pulling the car over.
OKKKKK IMMA END IT HEREEEE BC IM TOO SCARED WHEN I WRITE SMUT ITS GON BE BAD BUT IMMA LET YALL IMAGINATION RUN WILD and if i get free time this week maybe a part twoo???
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bugboysgf · 1 year
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Take A Hint
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Summary: Min ho teases you because you can't take a hint
AN: I honestly didn't  really expect for people to like the last Min ho one but you guys did see here's another.
“Wake up” Kitty shakes you awake.
“Leave me alone.” you pull the covers up to hide your face.
“We have to go to the boys are making breakfast.”
“It's saturday.” you muffled under the covers.
“So what.” Kitty tries to think of an idea to make you go, then one pops into her head.
“You know…. Min ho is going to be there.” “I know.” you said like it was obvious. But you couldn't lie your heart did skip a beat when you heard Min ho’s name.
“And it's morning…. That means he definitely has a raspy morning voice.” Kitty teased. You pulled the cover off and looked at the Kitty.
“I like the way you think. I'm up.”
10 minutes later you found yourself walking to the boys dorms with Kitty.
“So what's going on between you two?” Kitty asked.
“Between who?” you tried to act clueless and hide a smile.
“You and Min ho, you've been spending a lot of time together”
“No we haven’t”
“Yes you guys have. Everytime i text you, you're always with Min ho.”
“I like him,” you confess, “but it's not going to work.” “You never know. It's obvious something is there.”
“That's the thing Kitty, there's something there because I feel something but because he does.”
“He does, you just dont see if because you are too busy getting flustered every time he looks at you.” “Not true” you defend yourself. Deep down you knew it was true. You tried to hide your feelings but as soon as he even looked your way, you became shy even, he started to notice.
“Just keep your cool.” Kitty said, knocking on the door. A few seconds later Q answered it.
“Breakfast isn't ready yet, Min ho is still cooking.” Q said as you and Kitty walked in.
“If you would’ve helped, maybe it would be ready by now.” Min Ho said. Kitty was right; he had the morning voice. The first thing you noticed when you looked at him was he had a shirt on with no sleeves and his biceps were on full display.
“Hi Min ho.” you smiled trying not to look at his arms.
“Hi, Good morning.” he smiled back. Q and kitty watch the interactions and look at each other. Kitty thought of another idea.
“Min ho. y/n is a good listener you can have her help.” Kitty said with a smirk. You look at Kitty with wide eyes.
“Good idea, come on.” you mouth to kitty “i'm going to kill you” before walking over to Min ho.
The whole time you were getting distracted when he would tell you what to do or help you your eyes would go straight to his veiny hands.
Meanwhile Q and Kitty were watching the whole interaction going on.
“What do you think about them?” Kitty asked Q trying to get his opinion.
“Not sure what one thing I do know is that she has a thing for him and his arms.
“What she does not.” Kitty defended you.
“Sure does.” Kitty looked at you for a minute trying to see if Q was right. She counted how many times you look at his arms in a minute.
“Oh my god she does.” Kitty looked at Q in shock. “We should do something to get Min ho to notice, because when he does he will tease her about it.” “Then he will figure out that she likes him. We are such a great team.” Q smiles. Q pretends to check his phone. “Shit.”
“What?” Min ho asked?
“I can't go to the gym, I forgot I have to tutor somebody.” Q lied.
“You don't even tutor people.” Min ho said, confused.
“I know but it's my friend and he really needs help.” Q looks at Kitty trying to get her to catch on. She gives an Oh look then speaks.
“Hey! y/n can go with you, she always wanted to go to the gym.”
“What i never-”
“For real?” Min ho looks at you smiling. You couldn't say no to him.
“Yep always have!” you put on a fake smile.
“Great, we can go after breakfast.”
An hour later you found yourself at a gym. You never work out in your life. Minho has changed shirt and now he is wearing a really tight shirt. You don't think you can handle this, but you have to he's your friends you can't think of him in that way.
You watch him as he grabs weights. You follow him as he walks over to his spot.
“God, it's hot in here,” he says.
“Maybe you take the shirt off.” you mumble a little loud then as expected.
“Huh?” he turns his head quickly to look at you.
“What?” you act clueless.
“You just told me to take off my shirt” he raised his eyebrows
“No, I said shoes.” you played it off. You watch as he grabs the hems on his shirt.
“What- what are you doing?” you look around to see if anybody is watching, but it's only two other people in there and  they are clearly not paying attention.
“I just said it was hot.” he shrugged and took the shirt off.
“God damn.” you whisper. You couldn't take your eyes off him.
“Eyes are up here.” you look at him, and play it off.
“I was looking at the floor.”
“Didn't know my body was on the floor.” He gets closer to you, you look at the ground trying to forget what just happened but you can't. Your mind is racing.  “Come on, look at me.” he teases. You don't look at him, you can't bring yourself too. He puts his fingers on your chin and makes you look at him.
You had no choice now, you couldn't break. You just couldn’t
“You think i don’t notice.” he says in a low voice.
“W- what are you talking about?”
“The way you look at me, you can't take your eyes off of me, especially my arms.”
“I don't do that.”
“Don't play princess.” you don’t say another word, he looks at you for a couple of seconds then goes back to working out. Like nothing just happened.
2 hours of him teasing you in the gym.
You are now back at his dorm, two of you are alone. He joins you on the couch and grabs the remote.
“Should we watch?”
“Can we watch spiderman?” “We always watch, we should watch something else.” he looks at you then puts his hand on your thigh. You stiffened up.
“What's wrong princess.”
“Nothing.” you tried to shake off the butterflies in your stomach. “Can we just watch the movie?”
“Fine whatever you say” The next few days were filled with you trying to avoid Min ho because every time you saw him, he either said something to tease you or did something.
“Ugh science is next.” kitty said, walking with you through the hallway.
“I know” you groaned. Suddenly Kitty stopped walking and her eyes went wide.
“Umm… we should go this way.” she said, quickly turning you around.
“What? Why?” you asked confused. You could only go to science one way.
“Um no reason.” she was clearly lying. You turned around to see what she was seeing and your eyes went straight to Min ho, he was smiling with a girl.
“Oh”
“I'm sorry y/n.” you didn't say anything else, you just looked at them. You had no choice; you had to walk past him to get to science.
“Let's just go, it's fine.” you walk past him and don't say anything but you can feel him look at you.
“y/n!” He speed walks behind you but you don't say anything. You keep walking. He walks faster to catch up to you. When he does, he puts his arm around your shoulder.
“What.”
“Chill, just wanted to see if you want to get ice cream after class together.”
“No thanks.” you brush off his offer. He looks at you in shock and you never say no.
“What about tomorrow?”
“How about never.”
You don’t speak to Minho for the rest of the week. At first he thought maybe you just had a bad day but he noticed that you stopped replying to text too.
“y/n!” you heard a voice as somebody knocked on the door. You close your laptop and get up to open the door. You open the door and see Min ho standing there.
“Yea no.” you roll your eyes and close the door but he grabs the door before you can shut the door all the way.”
“Can we talk?” he says walking into the dorm. You don't say anything, you just look at him crossing your arms. “Please”
He knew you couldn't say no to him if he said please “fine sit.” He sits on the couch next to you. He's got really close to you so you move away to the end of the couch.
“I don't get what's wrong with you.” he says.
“Nothing is wrong.” you hated opening up about your feelings, you didn't want to seem weak.
“Okay well it doesn't seem like anything, i asked kitty and she wouldn't tell me.”
“Why were you talking to madison?”
“Madison?” he asked, confused , he thought about the last time he talked to madison, then it clicked.
“Are you jealous because I was talking to madison.”
“No,” you said a little too quickly. You avoided eye contact with him.
“Oh my god you are.” he said with a smirk on his face.
“Ok well can you blame, you were teasing me and stuff and then you were smiling with her and her hand was on your arm.” you explained.
“I was teasing you because I was tired of you not taking a hint.”
“What are you talking about?”
“When you were busy day dreaming I heard kitty and Q talking, they were trying to set us up because you like me and apparently you have a thing for my arms.”
“I do not.”
“You do, I was watching you in the gym.” “Okay so, i can't control my eyes.” you tried to make up an excuse.
“So you dont like me.”
“Nope,” you said, shaking your head.
“So if I said I had feelings for you, what would you say?”
“It depends if you are telling me you have feelings for me.” you didn't want to say yes straight away because what if he was saying it just to say it. “See this what i mean.” he said getting a little annoyed
“Huh?”
“You can't take a hint, I just basically said I liked you and it flew right past your head.”
“Oh…ohhh” you stay silent for a second trying to process this. “Then… I like you too.” you smiled.
“Can I kiss you?” you didn't respond, you just pulled his shirt and kissed him.
“Yesss.” you heard a voice say. You turn around to see Kitty and Q looking at you guys from in the doorway. You saw Q roll his eyes and hand Kitty $20.
“You betted on us.” you asked shocked
“It was about time it happened.” Kitty shrugged.
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austinsastrology8991 · 11 months
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> 8th House LAWD in the HOUZEs <
8th house is the darkness - what you aware is bad but dont like to think about> which is why you tend to repress it - or are incredibly honest about. I view it as like voldemort zappin harry - you were cursed, but now u got powerz
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8th house lord in the 1st - the darkness is splattered on yo face. you are a mysterious, and intriguing person; and this feels like a burden to you > because people be looking at you as if you escaped from a failed lab experiment. this is > 6 < houses away from the 8th so the 'darkness' feels like work for you > because people looking at you like a criminal, so you have to be careful not to act like one > but you always actin a lil sly, because you see the dark as a necessary evil, and its apart of your everyday affairs 8th house lord in the 2nd - the darkness is apart of your assets. you utilize your pain and transformations to help you grow > and utilize it by helping others > 7 < houses away - through helping others deal with their dark facets; you can churn it out of them and help them turn it into their ultimate advantage (and your own) by making others your little sock profits. your self esteem however is under pressure to to be of someone of value to others
8th house lord in the 3rd - the darkness is on the tip of yo tongue and you got dirt all under yo finger nails. You have a penetrating mind and you can't help but obsess over anything that enters yo mind. this is > 8 <lt;; houses away - which makes your privacy > very private > you know to keep your thoughts to yoself because you think of the most fucked up shit, and you know if you speak on it you getting cancelled. your a mouse just avoiding the mouse traps that you set up for yourself through the cascades of your own mind. and the mouse traps that others attempt to create for you > are the easier ones to dodge > because you da master at the mouse trap 8th house lord in the 4th - The darkness is never forgotten - you were basically born in a cavern; where you had to raise yourself - but since its > 9 < houses away - this has taught you much and well about the dark, and you low key know how to dodge bullets because you were born in da matrix. this does make you a secretive person though; because you know the secret powers of da dark - and want to be decisive who you teach it too
8th house lord in the 5th - the darkness is where you shine - you are taboo, and the idealization of the dark was formed by your presence alone, because you expose it by falling into it on purpose its > 10 < houses away - you are notorious for this; which means you mastering the dark, and your whole life force (5th) has been dedicated to the darkness > its like you self-sabotage to practise mastering your pain > and now you have real authoritative power due to your notoriety of walking out da dark unfazed 8th house lord in the 6th - the dark sorcerer - you deal with the dark all da time, and since reality so heavy on you, you know how to manifest incredibly well, since you had to in order to survive. > 11 < houses away. you have a probing interest within your community/friends and its probably due to your ability to figure out problems so well; but since you see how it is, this can cause serious issues in fitting in with your community, due to your ability to manipulate reality
8th house lord in the 7th - the dark you know - somehow your partners / the people you meet are dark, and you don't really view yourself as dark; more those around you > 12 < houses away, means that the dark is surrounding you, and it is a necessary lesson to learn how to manifest what you want and stop believing that after being a good person,; good will find you > you must learn to identify what a monster is, to know how to avoid sticky situations
8th house lord in the 8th - The dark is dark - the darkness within you is a grim tale, and you may feel it follows you > 1 < houses away, this darkness is written on your body language > we can see how much pain has plagued you, but we also notice how strong you are to have survived it. if anything you must realize most people could never operate normally after having been traumatized the way you have > and so power falls onto you in many ways... you just need to be bold enough to see it
8th house lord in the 9th - the dark transformed you from a maggot to a moth (not a fly so technically a compliment) - the dark should have been nicer to you than most, but you still would have had something extreme happen to you, and this likely affected your mindset more than anything; but its a sinister killer > 2 < houses away - means it will grow in time > you may grow into power but as you grow; you'll notice the burden/toll/grip it has on you. you will surely reap the benefits, but you will pay the price 8th house lord in the 10th - the dark throne in da big scary castle - your reputation should be dark, and you are vocal about it > 3 < houses away. you are fearless about the dark, even though out of all people, your someone who should be afraid of the dark > and this only exacerbates the fear others have of you > because your bold in what you say, and what you do. but be careful with what you say because it can and will affect your public image greatly > and how well you succeed in venturing through the darkness will be talked about
8th house lord in the 11th - the dark ritual - you are affiliated with dark places/people and you are almost forced to conquer the dark > 4 < houses away. your dark past follows you; so you affiliate yourself with dark people > to be able to feel like you overcame the dark that consumed you as a child. This trauma however, should be utilized to your advantage, because since you have been rejected a lot by others, it should have built yourself some strong armour; where you navigate the world with strong defences > people should trust you faster; especially with power
8th house lord in the 12th - the dark hidden behind you and within - you are surrounded by the dark all the time and this makes you pretend like it isn't dark far more often than what is appropriate > your likely conditioned this way, but since its > 5 <; houses away, your intense creativity and self expression/ self sabotage, can later help you identify the dark faster than most, because your intuition has been molded by dark trials, and this can make you a beacon of hope for people experiencing dark times
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Shout out to @Linnienin for the edit <3
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tastesousweet · 2 months
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⭒ the girl with the tattoo (viii) - pt 1 pt 2 p3 p4 p5 p6 p7
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matt sturniolo x fem!oc / reader
summary : the triplets' birthday party is a perfect place for flirting, tension, and... well, matt and y/n's forte.
warnings : use of alcohol, weed and smut ( just a lil flithy icl ), beware that the word count on this ho is crazy - meaning i did not proofread!
mickey speaks : this took a MINUTE to get out im sawrryyyy. i tried to fit everything into one part and ended up rewriting almost the entire part last minute (which is most of the reason why this is very delayed), sooo hope you love??? bc i dont lmfao also the triplets r a couple yrs older in this (turning 23)
THIS IS PART EIGHT GO READ THE OTHERS FIRST!!!
"JESUS, matt. can you take this seriously, please?" chris scoffs, taking the dry-erase marker cap from its awkward spot between his teeth.
matt's not one to continue adding his opinion knowing it won't be listened to. he prefers to leave the impossible-to-get-a-word-in debating to nick and chris who have no problem yelling over each other to the point that they don't even know what the issue ever was.
so he's found comfort in sitting at the dining room table with his eyes firmly closed and arms used as a pillow for his head, leaving nothing but a dollop of his hair to be shown, or as he told chris "attempting to find peace for myself while living with you chaotic fucks."
"what could you possibly want from me?" matt asks without moving from his face down position, voice muffled and strained.
"i want you to fight for your opinion! don't you care about what we do for our birthday?!" chris stresses while nick rolls his eyes and falls into a bored stance, leaning against the dark marble counter.
matt finally raises his head causing his face to scrunch up and eyes to squint due to the sudden and bright change in lighting, "no? i actually don't give a shit, chris."
chris first feels the instigator within him sighing in defeat only for his pride to take center. he figures if nick has practically given up and matt cares so little, that gives him all of the creative action for birthday plans. exactly what he wanted.
his lips form a tight line to hide his satisfaction as he shakes his head slowly, unevenly wiping his hand across the magnetic white board (that he used to write the many ideas thrown around in his head, mistakenly thinking a visual would narrow things down for him and nick). “‘kay. then i’m getting nate to help plan us a house party and it'll be fucking perfect. because i care.”
౨ৎ
you've never been so grateful of your front door's placement this close to the kitchen. but carrying three cake boxes and a tote bag the size of your torso, desperately needing to put them down after traveling up three flights of stairs, will surely be the task that brings that gratitude out of you.
though when you arrive, your scrunched eyebrows and pouted lips are an apparent contrast to the enthusiastic vibe of your kitchen- with andrea moving her hips to the lines of spanish dancing in the air, waiting patiently for the sizzling indication of her fried egg's tenderness, and the use of pink lemonade-colored towels or handles on utensils (that made you and andrea way too happy during one of your first target runs as roommates) scattered around.
drea finally notices you when your metal keychain clanks against the countertop, "y/n!" her excitement slightly dulls with her widened eyes when she gets a better view of your face, turning the stove off and coming closer to hug you. "hi, good morning-ish. are you feeling okay? ...or, like, sad?" you silently accept her gesture and tuck your head in her neck while she caresses your hair with a sigh, "or both at the same time...?"
your response is a breathy sigh and pause before the words tumble out, "m'fine, i think. just overestimated myself a little with staying up so late." you remove your head from her neck and move backwards to lean against the countertop, fanning your hands to create a much needed breeze, "and i'm so hot, it's making me feel gross."
andrea peers into the clear plastic cutout on top of one of the boxes, "at least the cakes look nice."
a week ago you set your mind on gifting the triplets their own cakes for their birthday (thinking that sharing a day was already enough, no way would you want them to have to share and agree on only one cake). you easily gathered their cake preferences by sneaking it into any random conversations you'd have with each of them.
and after a week of planning and preparing, was it so bad if you wanted a fun night in with your roomie? andrea warned you several times to go to bed considering you'd be up at 5:30 the next morning, but you insisted that you'd be fine and asked her to help you clear the rest of the box-wine in the fridge.
you could tell matt was a little irritated that you chose rewatching episodes of a sitcom and "cheap ass box-wine" over sex with him (of course throwing the fact that his birthday would be arriving in only a few hours right in your face) but you pioneered and assured him that you'll make time for him the next day, while also sweetly reminding him that you too have a life outside of this exchange.
at midnight you sent the triplets a group message to congratulate. and a few minutes later you left andrea on the couch for your room, sending matt a birthday text of his own (because you did feel the tiniest bit guilty for rejecting him earlier) paired with a picture with your shirt lifted, hem tucked behind your teeth, and your boobs sat in a sheer bra with decorative white trimming and a bow in the center.
he didn't respond for almost an hour and you tried to not feel embarrassed or overthink his reaction at all.
you couldn't stand the giddiness that came over you (you'd blame it on being the slightest bit tipsy) when you finally got into bed to find his response gentle, in his own matt-kind-of-way, with your image loved and a grayed bubble text reading: "Very pretty, thank you"
"thanks, drea. they were a bitch to make." water drowns out your voice as you start to wash your hands in the deep sink. you run your soapy fingers over a small cut you got when dealing with an irritating cardboard box earlier, finding the stinging of the hot water a wonderful kind of bitter that further plays into your foul mood.
"mmm... i'm sure. but it's not like you can even tell. they almost look store-bought," she attempts to flatter you, turning her head from the packaged desserts to offer a smile.
when you're sweet you're the most ripe, juicy peach, eveyone knows this. but god, when you're feeling down you really are the most cranky, green apple that could force a pucker onto even the most undaunted. your face is dragged of any aloofness or sunshine with your dry response as she turns to resume her breakfast, "uh huh. you don't have to coddle me. i'll get over myself soon, i promise." you dry your hands.
andrea would argue she's not coddling only looking out for your well being- because she wants to and knows if she were neglecting her needs you'd be right on her ass as well, "okay...and did you eat?"
"just like, a bagel before i left," you open the fridge and let the door hang open as you walk across the kitchen to grab the cake boxes and set them inside. you make sure to mind your feet, noticing figaro nosily has his furry face lifted to sniff into the side door.
she strings some sarcasm into her sentiment, "oh yum." she pauses, letting the sizzle of the egg and (now faint) music linger in the air before she speaks again, "how about you go take a shower or do something that'll make you feel a little better?"
"you know i would but being around my favorite roommate is already making me feel sooo much better!" you deliver the dry joke with a smile and pick up figaro when you shut the fridge door with an accidental slam.
she turns to look at you over her shoulder as she grabs two glass plates for the both of you, scolding you like a mother (as she tended to transform into at times like this due to her essentially parenting her younger siblings) "y/n, you're only fighting yourself, go ahead now."
౨ৎ
matt can hear chris' voice only grow louder and pound against the hallway walls but assumes he is heading anywhere but the space that matt's in, deciding to continue brushing his teeth instead.
he'd only be so lucky on his birthday.
"but yeah-" chris interrupts himself to knock and barely wait for an answer before he walks into matt's sleek bathroom. "matt's here!" his phone is carelessly thrown in front of matt's face (with a frothing mouth and irritated eyes) before he has truly registered anything that has happened.
he truly wants to roll his eyes infinitely but when he sees his mother is the one on the phone, his grumpy front is quickly wilted and a glimmer kisses his spirit in a way only she could produce.
it's clear she hadn't expected matt to be in the middle of something as personal as brushing his teeth when she first sees him, "oh, hi matt!" she understands him well enough to know he absolutely hates this (this being chris unnecessarily close to him as he hunches over to keep matt's face in the camera) so she attempts to amuse him, "wow, you're really showing your age now, aren't you? just looking so put together and nice." she laughs to herself as matt tries to not smile whilst brushing, holding his index finger up to indicate that he would address her with words in only a moment.
"chris, honey, why'd you bring me to your brother when he's busy, anyway?! now we're just watchin' him brush his teeth and the angles you're givin' me are so awkward," she emphasizes her sentence as it goes on.
chris turns the phone back to himself, "because you told me to show him?!"
"no, i said 'where's matt?'" she corrects him in jest.
"okay, so am i incorrect in saying that there was an implication-?"
matt dries his face with a towel and grabs the phone scolding chris, "hey we get it, smartass-" he turns to look at her again with a smile, "sorry mom."
"mhm," she dismisses, "when's this party of yours starting?"
"soon i think," matt moves around chris to exit the bathroom, leaving chris (literally) in the dark.
"okay and how's your birthday been so far?" he smiles knowing how excited she's always been about these things.
"good, i don't feel any different. just doin' the same stuff, except today there's way more people sending me texts and pretending the care about me." matt places the phone against a bowl full of chips in the kitchen, waving when he notices chris followed him.
"get down here nick, mom's on the phone!" chris yells, coming into frame and leaning on the counter. "jeez, matt's masochism can't give any of us a break even on days literally made for our happiness. you hearin' this kid ma?"
matt shakes his head, pointing to chris with his handful of chips, "spell masochism."
chris' eyes pinch and before their mother or chris himself reply, nick is running over to them with a smile and yell of "im heree!!"
she's has the much-expected motherly urge to cry seeing her three sons (whom she rarely sees anymore) all in the same frame, "aw, hi nicky! just look at you boys...so sweet."
it only takes another second before she's crumbling in tears. their smiles drop as chris grabs his phone. they all begin spilling out the most comforting phrases they know to cheer her up.
౨ৎ
"okay people! cake is coming through! everyone move. move, move...precious cargo right here and your ass is in the way!" asha yells and shines her phone's flashlight into the faces in the crowded living room as she ushers the girls to the kitchen.
she earns a few glares that she happily dishes back and a few mumbles of "bitch" once she's walked past that has remi "accidentally" stepping on a certain people's shoes while following asha's lead.
the modern open kitchen hosts plenty of drinks and snacks as well as a worried nathan, who's shirt is barely on his torso from the amount of buttons he's undone since stepping foot in the wild space. "oh thank god the cake's are here," he sighs with a throw of his head before frantically moving a platter of chips and guac (that someone was actively eating from) and a few six packs from the island to the opposite counter, encouraging the girls to place them down with an awkward nod of his head and harsh blink of his eyes.
asha holds back a laugh at nate's odd vibe as she moves next to him, nudging his shoulder, "what's wrong with you?"
"nothing," his head whips to look at her, "well, i mean, think 'm just nervous." he starts slow but it seems he needed someone to finally prompt him to share such a frustrated rant, "like- chris comes to me and asks me to throw him the best party. yet he doesn't give me shit to work with besides his home to host it in-" he breathes, "and 'm feelin' all the pressure of planning a party right now but, you know, i just need things to go smooth and then i'll be fine..." he runs a hand through his hair, "you ladies don't worry about me." he fakes a smile and gives a small wave of his wrist to show just how "fine" he is.
coinciding with nate's rant, you've began to pour a hefty amount of vodka and lemon juice (you absolutely scoured the fridge for) into a large glass. you hand it off to andrea with a pleading "mix" as you lick the remaining lemon juice from your thumb and open cabinets to search for shot glasses.
you line up a multitude of shot glasses with various cities labeled on them as andrea pours the mixture in carefully. you immediately bring one up to nathan, "lemon drop?"
"yes, please. no way your a fucking bartender and baker?" nate's eyes widen as he receives the small glass.
"no, definitely not. just live with a girl whois always making her own drinks at home," you smile and grab your own glass as the rest of the girls follow suit.
"i need this right now," remi starts, "let's cheers to drea's DIY shit and nathan making it through the rest of the night!" she woops and the group all let out various chuckles.
"a-fuckin'-men!" nate leans to clink the small glasses softly before taking the shot quickly. he barely recovers from the shot before he's pouring more vodka into his glass and taking a second.
you get the best view of chris turning the corner and seeing you all (his reaction is more specifically for andrea) have arrived. his jaw hangs dramatically as he walks over but quickly turns to a big smile when the group all start to sing happy birthday to him. "stop it! stop it!" he jokes and begins to give out hugs and thank each of you for coming. he stops and squeezes you extra tight, bringing up the cakes sat nearby, "i know that bakery anywhere. thank you for my cake."
"of course, i had to," you smile.
"no seriously, you're fuckin' awesome, girl." you can tell he's already a little buzzed from the look in his eyes but you also know he's almost more truthful than ever when drunk.
you notice that when he leaves you to finally greet your roommate, it's very clear he's purposely left andrea last to ensure there would be no rush on his interaction.
the rest of the group leave them to their own world for a moment; as the two hug chris gives her a soft kiss on her forehead, whispering "hi, mi cariña (my darling)" an inside joke between the two of them as chris' struggle with speaking spanish never fails to make andrea laugh.
౨ৎ
"okay, okay, i'll do it," matt finally gives in, lifting himself off of the black couch with people piled on top of it. he hands his drink over to elijah smoothly and begins to playfully rub his hands together.
"'hold my beer' headass," elijah jokes placing the cup off on a side table next to him. matt stops any movement, turning his torso to look back at the boy and start to laugh while holding both middle fingers up.
"matt," erin taps him with the side of her arm twice to get his attention again, handing him the second wii remote in her hands. the screen appears extra bright in contrast to the dimness of the room which causes matt to wonder how the fuck anyone has managed to play just dance in this space without getting a sudden head rush or worse.
"okay, let's do timber because it's classic," she suggests.
"let's not," matt opposes, his hand covering his mouth to hide a grin before running his cursor over the other choices.
erin looks over to him with a blank expression, "i mean i don't care that much you can-"
"'m joking, we'll do timber," matt looks from her to the colorful screen to find the song once more.
when he notices she's stiil looking over at him with an unreadable expression, matt smiles big attempting to not laugh, causing his already-slim eyes to pinch a little extra as he turns to her, "hey e, the screen's right up there, you won't be getting much direction from starin' at me-" he breaks into obnoxious laughter mid-way through his sentence which earns him a small smack on the arm.
erin laughs a little now, "would you stop it? just click 'a' on your fucking remote."
he does as she says and looks to her as the screen loads, "thereee we go, you can cool down now, sweetheart."
as the two dance both matt and his friends make one-off comments and jokes about the many times matt almost fell (and would make sure to blame it on the rug or his shoes). they seem to be having such a great time that you don't know if you only being there for the final few lines of the song, watching erin ride matt's back as they spin in circles laughing, is fortunate or unfortunate.
the claps and whistles are wild when the two finish with a bow, the crowd around them only getting louder when matt teases that he's so hot he might have to take off his shirt, lifting it slightly then putting it back down and calling them pervs. you only shake your head and bite back a smile, hating how fucking charming he is when he allows himself to be completely lost in a good time.
matt would say you snuck onto the sectional couch- because a minute ago you weren't there and now here you are talking elijah's ear off and taking repeated hits of his blunt.
but you wouldn't say you snuck into his area, rather walked in a manner in which you'd be out of his and erin's way- of course not taking away from the birthday boy and his...good friend. so you're a bit surprised he slumps on the couch next to you and not in his original spot on the opposite side of eli, "sunnnyy," he huffs and leans his head back against the couch, "when'd you get here, huh?"
you turn to look at him and he smiles at you then looks up to the ceiling, "think an hour ago? maybe?" you hand him the blunt.
"cool, cool, cool..." matt repeats cutting himself off by placing it in his mouth. he's dressed so stylish and attractive you can't help but scan over him with your eyes; his jersey-style shirt showing off his armfuls of tattoos, baggy jeans, car keys hanging on a cheetah print clip attached to his belt loop, shoes that look straight out of the box, a matching hat that you honestly wish he'd take off, and his signature silver jewelry brightening his attributes in the otherwise dark room.
he makes the slightest "tsss" sound when breathing in the drug before speaking with smoke plummeting from his mouth, "you should dance next," he brings it back to his mouth for a final hit.
"mmm maybe...if lucas is up for it," you play with the metal can of a wine cooler that you hold on your bare knee as matt leans over you to hand an occupied eli his blunt back, his laugh trails smoke out of his mouth and into your face as he slouches back next to you.
"forgot you're fuckin, hilarious! holy shit." his hand makes its way up his own shirt to rest on his stomach as he giggles.
a smile grows on your face, "no seriously is he here?" you lift yourself up a little and pretend to look for the familiar face.
"stop that." matt chuckles and tugs your wrist gently. you almost get nervous this time when you look him in the eyes. when he's drunk, matt is so carefree and giggly in a way you rarely get to see. and now you’re starting to notice how the poor lighting makes his features appear arched and his face look carved into, yet the jagged becomes soft and fuzzy whenever the gumdrop-colored lights of the wii game hit his face with the beat of the song. he notices your staring and lets go of your wrist, "what's up?"
"nothing."
"excuse me everyone! i would like to give a speech! hello, i am giving a speechhh! everyone shut up, please!" nick projects his voice into the microphone- he stole from the karaoke machine -while standing on a dining room chair.
as people start to calm down nick speaks, "right, so, it's my fuckin' birthday!” he raises his arms and dances his fingers before pointing out matt, “and it's matt's fuckin' birthday, right over there! let's get some flashlights pointing over to my brother please!" matt’s face flushes as he covers his eyes from the sudden bright lights. you squint your own eyes from next to him and move closer to eli to avoid the flashes.
"and it's chris' fuckin' birthday..." nick looks around, "i couldn't tell you where exactly he is, just know that he is also here tonight!” the crowd roars, “anyway... i'm so- so happy to have you all with us tonight to celebrate. we turn twenty fucking three and... that feels so old saying it out loud. holy shit." nick cringes obnoxiously, slurring his next few words, "but i love my two best friends in the whole world: chris and matt, i wouldn’t wish to share a birthday with anyone else… and i love all of you thank you again. oh! and shout out nathan for holding this shit down! if you see nathan give him something... i don't know- money? a kiss? a drink? fuck if i know." as nick speaks cameron nudges him with a shot glass which he finally acknowledges, "and apparently this is a toast now so, you know, here's to getting older and having the most fun forever!" he raises the glass in the air and drinks it without further thought, inviting everyone to do the same while cheering and applauding him in excitement.
you raise your wine cooler and let out many cheers along with the rest, but of course matt ridicules you a little in jest, "really? you sit here and 'woo' while i'm going blind?!" he’s still wiping at his eyes, dealing with the aftermath of bright lights shining in his eyes; his vision tainted with faint blue and red splotches only for a second. you lean closer to him, attempting to see his eyes better while uncontrollably laughing.
"are you crying?!"
matt thinks you look really pretty even when you're quite literally pointing and laughing in his face. you move his hands away from his face and he widens his eyes dramatically, "look, no 'm not!” you shake your head in response, “does really it look like it?"
you notice his bottom eyelashes are slightly clumped and you move your hand closer, placing your thumb under his eye, "baby, that's damp!" you giggle and pull his hand close, using your thumb to draw a wet line across his tattooed wrist to prove your point.
he drags out his first word, "alrighttt. whatever! you got me, sweet girl. ‘cause god forbid i have the ability to cry?!” pulling away from you with a smile as he dries his eyes by rubbing them gently.
matt excuses himself with a quick "gonna go grab another drink or somethin'" before he does something irrational like kiss you in front of all these fucking people.
౨ৎ
you carefully open each of the packaged cakes, each revealing the boys' full names written in cursive with the uniquely styled and colored buttercream frosting you made that very morning. you used the same shades to make the puffed frosting border of the cakes, for an easy, soft garnish. remi follows behind you, lighting candles on the cakes as you go.
there's a chaos that comes with trying to gather this many (drunk) people in one area and capture their attention long enough to sing then cut cakes. it doesn’t help that the hosts are at their most unserious themselves; matt and nick both snickering and making jokes while holding onto each other while chris talks to one of his friends off to the side with his obnoxiously loud voice without regard for anyone around him.
“okay, people we’re singing!” nathan attempts to yell over the loudness of the crowded room. you and remi are then in the position of getting the attention of the birthday boys who can’t focus on the task at hand, leaving you both to snap your fingers and call them as if you were attempting to take photos of a stubborn baby.
you truly wish it didn’t irk you so terribly but you can’t help your annoyance when matt looks over to erin after she shouts from next to you, “matt, can you pay attention? your cake’s ready,” and he listens, moving nick off of him with a shoulder nudge and laugh as he approaches the row of cakes.
you recover quickly with a smile once both matt and nick’s eyes widen and mouths hang open in awe of your hard work, “s’perfect,” matt whispers to himself, now adjusting his hat to fit backwards.
“oh my god, the wax got in my cake! what the fuck,” nick whines and that cues drea to tug chris’ arm softly and urge him with a hushed, “chris ven aquí (come here)!”
and he's is down so terribly that he moves to where she wants him immediately.
chris is a known sap, especially when wasted, so he’s stood fighting the urge to cry when taking in the scene in front of him: his brothers and friends gathered together to celebrate their twenty three years of life together.
he tucks his lip into his mouth and looks down at the burning flame, slowly smiling when everyone around them begin to sing a rendition of happy birthday with all the charmingly bad high notes and run on “you”s but not forgetting to crunch all three names into a single line.
midway through the song, chris leans to hug matt in comfort while sneaking a reach into matt’s back pocket to grab the slim joint he just knew would be there. he grins to himself, “sweet! free j and free light,” placing it into his mouth as he leans over his cake to spark the joint hanging in his mouth with as much precision as possible. andrea shakes her head in confusion while filming on her phone beside to you.
“dude,” matt lets out a breathy laugh while waving his hand to clear the atmosphere of the potent smoke. sudden applause recognizing the end of the song and leading the three to blow out their candles.
matt gave up on birthday wishes a while into his teen years and nothing changes this year; he blows his candles out and claps along with the crowd before accepting his joint from chris for a few puffs of celebration.
you watch in amusement as nathan distracts the boys with shots to get them away from the cakes as andrea begins to cut. except no shot could beat the view of andrea bent over the counter like she is now, so chris is practically on top of drea with annoying whines of “i wanna see,” when she asks him to be careful and wait a second.
you, however, are actively searching for the spiked punch that elijah recommended when you run into erin and matt talking. they both look to you with different expressions as you squeeze yourself by them to get to the punch bowl.
you remind yourself that erin is your friend, not your enemy. nor your competition. meaning you also have to remind yourself that matt is some guy you fuck around with, not your boyfriend.
you let out a breath you hadn’t realized you were holding in while grabbing a plastic cup and using a small ladle to pour the peach colored liquid for yourself. instead of flat-out staring at the two, you take turns looking from them to your cup. you watch as they pose for a picture; erin taking his hat to place on her own head and matt smiling next to her. and another with her kissing his cheek as he laughs.
it’s upsetting- no, humiliating to you. and how especially humiliating that your first thought is whether he’ll dismiss you for erin when you ask him to fuck you later tonight? you blame the weed for getting you so worked up over minutiae interactions.
you’re brought out of your daze in the most humbling of ways: a sudden splash hits your bare foot and covers your black kitten heels in the sticky juice. “fuck,” you groan and place the ladle back into the punch bowl, taking a large sip of your overflowing drink as you look down at the puddle of pink you’re standing in.
you find a towel laying nearby and lower yourself to fumble and wipe your shoe.
“damn y/n, you like my punch that much?” a voice asks from next to you.
you look up and see lucas smiling down at you, “you made it?” you ask genuinely as he helps you rise to standing again.
“no,” he smiles and you roll your eyes, “but im wondering how you managed to spill any with this itty bitty fucking ladle?” he jokes, lifting the ladle and watching it pour the small bit of juice it managed to gather back into the bowl.
“i just wasn’t paying attention,” you laugh and sip your drink again.
“mhm…why’s that?” he squints his eyes down at you.
you tap two of your french tip fingernails against your skull, “so much is happening up here.”
“like what?”
“i don’t knowww,” you smirk and look away to take another sip of your drink.
“well, i know you look sexy as fuck in this dress right now. look at you,” he wets his lips and offers his hand to you with a grin, showing off a few of his shining tooth gems.
you try to maintain your composure and not smile too big but it’s a challenge when he playfully gets you to spin slowly for him and show off the tiny strapless dress you have on as he “oouu”s and whistles to hype you up.
“mm, you like that?” you look up at him, blinking slowly.
he nods and chuckles, “you know damn well-” looking off to the side then gaining your eye contact once more as he wipes over his mouth with his hand, glancing over your body, “‘course i do.”
"good. we should dance then," you guide him to the living room with his hand still in yours.
౨ৎ
you hate to be the bitch on her phone at a party but you can’t stop staring at it. you tap past the story then go back to look again. you even rewatch it in the perspective of someone who hadn’t been there to see the photo taken to see how it would be perceived. hurting your own feelings knowing they could very well assume matt to be erin’s boyfriend with how close they’re standing and her lips against his face.
it’s very dizzying and ruining your high quite a bit, especially paired with andrea who continues to look to you to celebrate after every ping pong ball she throws whether she makes it or not.
you go to rewatch the story once more, only this time a text from matt slides down on your screen to interrupt your sulking:
MATT
Hey come here
Y/N
where???
MATT
Outside youll see me
you let andrea know you’re going outside for air before walking over to a glass sliding door to let yourself out.
you see matt holding a stick while looking down at his phone, fire pit radiating next to him, a mass of people surrounding it.
your arms wrap and hold onto your shoulders as you walk closer, feeling the breeze rack through your body despite the internal heat from the many drinks you've had over the course of the night.
as you approach, asha gets up from her spot on nick's lap to give you a hug, "y/n! hiii." she pulls away and her hands remain on your shoulders, "your cake was so delicious, i tried a bite of each."
"oh good, 'm glad." you smile.
she feels your hands, "are you cold, babe? come sit." she guides you over to the group of people sat around the fire. "you can take my spot, i'll stand," she insists and nick agrees smiling kindly.
you interrupt matt's texting to figure out why he wanted you here, cupping your hands to shout, "matt!" across the lawn from your spot atop nick.
he looks over and quips his head while moving closer, "hey, was just wonderin' if you'd try my s'more? nick thinks he makes them best." he smiles but you can't help but feel that there's a catch to this.
"always gotta prove someone wrong. yeah, i'll do it." you agree as he moves to grab the snack he'd apparently already prepared.
nick mutters, "don't let him bully you into liking his, and don't forget who's acting as your chair currently!" from behind you as you giggle into the bite that matt gives you, holding the smore in his hand up to your mouth.
you chew slowly and matt watches, chatter and crinkles of the fire filling the heated space. you finally nod your head and matt smirks, "so good, right?" matt asks and brings his hand to hold your face and wipe around the corner of your mouth, looking to his right with a smile then back to you.
you feel awkwardly and unnaturally sensual, moving his hand away from your face and searching for what he's looked over to, catching the eye of lucas, standing with a group of guys lighting up near a fence. so that is the fucking catch.
you lick your lips of any remaining marshmallow and shake your head, annoyed, "i don't know, it tastes normal and graham cracker is fucking stale." you look up at him and his face is adorned with confusion on your change of heart.
you feel too fucking weird about this. you wish you couldn't believe that he'd use your feelings towards him for some weird shit like claiming you from lucas, but it's not surprising in the slightest; matt wants his cake yet he'll always want to eat it too.
"yeah, nick wins." you pat the side of nick's thigh to grab his attention and tell him the news, making him cheer and bring you into his chest for a small hug.
matt's lips form the smallest pucker as he watches you get up and walk towards the house without further conversation.
"bye, y/n!" asha yells.
౨ৎ
matt lays flat on his bed, staring up at the ceiling to try and organize his many thoughts when his door creaks slightly, allowing a roar of party chatter into his space before it shuts again.
he lifts only his head up to see erin stood with a small smile before letting himself fall back into his plush comforter, "hey, i got your shit in the first drawer over there." he points to a tall dresser across the room.
he listens to her shuffle around before finding a large bag of weed, coming close to him and placing a few folded bills in his front pocket slowly. she then moves so that she hovers over his dazed face, "thank you, are you sure you don't need anything else from me? it is your birthday..." she grins and runs a hand over his chest. he mimics her smile (intended in more of a mocking way than she takes it) and laughs softly.
"no, i'm good on that, e. you enjoy your doobies and shit," he continues to softly laugh, eyes crinkling at the sides before she thanks him again and gives him a small peck.
"happy birthday, matty!" she sings before closing the door to his room and heading straight to his bathroom next door to pee.
matt would say it hasn't even been four minutes since erin left him when you're stumbling into his room. he repeats his look up, only to soften a bit when he sees you make effort to move some of his shoes out of the walkway so that you don't trip, "hi, baby" he waves you over with his fingers and welcomes you as if you'll be staying for long, "lock that door for me." he figures if you came to see him after storming away like that at the fire pit you're either gonna spit your thoughts in his face or sit on his face, there's no in between.
"i found you," you smile and twist the smaller knob to lock the door from the rowdiness. you then make your way over to sit at the end of his bed and begin to fiddle with the straps on your tiny heels, "my feet have been achin' so bad," you look at him as you complain.
"mm, i'm sure."
when your feet are finally free from your shoes you place them on the ground and adjust yourself on the bed. you silently grimace seeing matt with his shoes remaining on his feet despite being on his bed.
he giggles when you begin to unlace them, "feel like a fuckin' princess."
you roll your eyes and begin to pull them off, "with the way you act you might as well be one."
"ouch? it's my birthday," he holds his heart while looking to you playfully.
you tilt your head and drop his second shoe right on the floor as you stare back at him, "oh, i know."
"right. what's wrong now?"
you run your hands along his legs as you inch up his body and hover yourself over his crotch, "nothing. everything's fine, right?" you adjust your hair away from your face.
"sure, uh huh," matt looks up at you and bites his lower lip while moving his hands to hold and squeeze your full thighs. he silently admires the way you fill that tiny dress and look down at him from this angle.
you look away for a moment then decide to put your full weight onto matt, muffled groan leaving his mouth. your lips curve up as you pull his bottom lip from his mouth with your thumb to replace it with your mouth, sucking and kissing it. your tongue runs over his lips a few times before matt takes hold of your head and pulls you impossibly closer to capture your mouth messily with his own.
the kiss is a filthy, drunken sight: noses meshing and colliding, tongues playing and licking, and moans escaping and ringing into the air desperately.
you pull away with a wet smack and whisper into his lips, "i've got another present for you..."
"mmm?" his eyes widen and he squeezes your neck gently, kissing you once more, "for real? like, more than this?!" his hand feathers over your ass, insinuating the way you're sat on top of him right now could easily be his best gift tonight.
"yes," you breathe then begin to giggle, "you're gonna lose your shit, i think."
his mind can think of a lot of things you could do to make him lose his shit, "damn, okay. well, show me. you got my stomach dancin' and shit." he holds you so that you stay put as he lifts himself to rest on his elbows.
your smile bites over your bottom lip now as you raise yourself from his lap once more. your nail taps against your upper thigh as you look down at him, "kiss, please?"
he doesn't have to move much, as your leg is already so close to his face. he keeps heated eye contact with you when he kisses and marks the skin you'd point to, causing small mindless noises to fall from your mouth as you play with his soft hair (that you unfortunately hadn't seen much of tonight).
when he's finished he looks up to you with his red, puffy eyes and wet lips as you thank him, "now...pay attention." you gently demand as you slowly move your dress up your body.
matt studies your movement in awe, eventually catching your gift in his line of sight. he knows you must think you're so sneaky when you only show a glimmer of your lacy white panties, with a cursive red "M" embroidered near the waistband, before quickly pushing your dress back down with an uncontrollable laugh.
matt's face morphs to express a million different emotions and he doesn't realize how loud his voice is when he speaks, "what the fuck?!" he looks up at you- with your head thrown back laughing -then back to your covered lower half. "what was that? hold the fuck on," you body is so loose with laughter that he easily grabs you and flips you onto the bed so that you lay underneath him, still squirming in your own giggles (yelling a few "matt!"s or "matt wait i can't breathe!"s).
his face is full of amusement when he firmly lifts your dress to get a better look at what you've done for him. "oh my god, 'm gonna pass the fuck out. look at you, sunny!" he rubs his eyes dramatically and shakes his head. "no, you're so bad."
"you like it?" you ask, licking over your lips and reaching your hands up to trace the small hairs prickling on matt's jawline.
"course i do, the fuck type of question is that?!" he turns his face to kiss your inner palm before bending closer to kiss your lips once more.
"happy birthday, matt." you say in between kisses, "there's somethin' else if you look a little more."
"really?" he immediately splits from you and looks to your panties once more, running his hands over your lower stomach. the cherry red joint laying against your hip and tucked into your underwear catches him by surprise but the stoner in him nearly cums on the spot.
he removes it from it's place and kisses you mumbling a reminder that "you're so hot" and "the marijuana bug must've bit you real bad" before he gets up to store it in his bedside table, patting the closed drawer and joking, "for when i miss you."
he stands above you for an extra second to shake his head slowly with a tut, but when you whine "c'mereee," he's hushing you and removing his shirt before crawling back on top of you.
your hands run across every inch of his warm torso as you both sloppily kiss, and matt's own hands curiously make their way into your underwear for a proper feel of your wet core.
he allows you to desperately grind your hips against his hand until he eventually decides he needs to taste you. he lowers himself to face your clothed pussy, tracing the "M" with a finger as he places his tongue flat against you and places pressure on your most sensitive area.
his finger once tracing, now moves to pull the tiny piece of fabric off of you. he looks into your eyes as he easily stuffs the cloth in his back pocket, mumbling "mine now" while moving his fingers through your sticky folds.
you cry out when he dips two fingers into you teasingly, over and over again, and another series of moans leaves your mouth when he begins to lick over your clit eagerly.
matt continues his efforts, spitting on your clit a few times to watch it drip down to where his fingers harshly move inside of you; his movements quickening while he watches.
and just before you cum you dumbly warn him, which makes him stop entirely. "no, matt. stop, please come back. please."
"shhh. don't start that shit, you'll cum twice on your day..." he unbuttons his pants, "plus, you know it feels so much better when you wait and have to chase it a few times." he smirks and nudges your clit with his finger once more making you breathe out a moan and close your legs around his hand.
he pulls away from you to finish undressing before laying back dowm in his tight boxers, "come take care of me, sunny. i need you."
"hm...and i needed you too..." you lift yourself up and pout as you climb off the bed and get closer to where he lies, turning and moving your hair away for your back, "unzip me, please?"
he does just as you say and watches you finish removing your dress in only one movement. when you climb on top of him he now gets a view of your tits directly in his face that has him humming and immediately feeling you up.
he kisses and licks the skin while you scratch at his scalp in the most sensual way. you reach behind you to dip your hand into his boxers, immediately coming in contact with his sensitive and slightly sticky tip. he tilts his head back with a groan as soon as you begin to stroke him beneath the fabric making a sinical smile form on your face.
you push the boxers further down his thighs to fully expose him as you bring your lips down to him again. his moans flow into your mouth when you repeatedly rush your movements then slowly circle his head.
eventually matt's eyebrows pinch in terribly tight and he grabs your hand, sighing, "god damn, baby. chill or i'll be cummin' before i'm inside you."
you roll your eyes playfully, "okay?" as you adjust yourself to align over his length, before sinking down on top of him.
"mmm, fuck." he encourages when you lift yourself and slam back down on top of him. you move his hands to hold your hips then spread your hands over his chest as you continue.
matt can't help but slap your ass a few times after discovering the way your muscles flutter around him so perfectly each time. but one smack in particular aids you to practically fall onto his chest whining, "matt i can't, please just-."
he immediately lifts your face to give him a much needed kiss before reaching to realign himself and hold onto you as he thrusts rhythmically into you.
moans sneak from your mouth and interrupt you from kissing and holding onto matt's neck, which only encourage matt until he's completely flustered and drilling into you sloppily.
matt can tell you're cumming by your all too and familiar broken moans. and once you harshly kiss him and ask him to let go in return he finally stills inside of you and groans into your soft shoulder.
a silence coats the room, leaving the overpowering music and talking of the party to linger through the air in a cloudy murmur.
matt keeps his arms around you while you recover from your high, staring at the ceiling of his faintly lit room in questionable thought.
and he assumes you must be doing the same; only he mistakes the wetness of your tears for his own sweat as you turn your head away from him to dissolve your embarrassingly shaky breaths.
꩜⋆ ˚。⋆🎱˚
tag list is in the replies ily!!!!
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chaoticace2005 · 3 months
Text
The list of regrets I totally have and am not just writing because Charlie is making me, Vagina Vaggie is glaring at me, and I want the free rent:
By Angel Dust, 3 time X-X-X award winner.
(Warning, there is some victim blaming in this. The abuse Angel faces from Val is not his fault, but given that I’m writing this from his perspective I figured it would be something he’d add.)
1. Writing this list
2. Verbally complaining about writing this list cause now Vagina wants to stab me.
3. Only taking half my usual hit before starting today.
4. Complaining about not being high enough.
5. Not hiding my drugs better
6. Not having more stashes of drugs
7. Calling TV superior to radio.
8. Not killing that snake before he had a chance to go to the hotel.
9. Not “trying hard enough” at this shitty hotel.
10. Being too close to roof so the CRAZY BITCH COULD THROW ME OFF OF IT.
11. Walking up the stairs with Pentious only to have to go IMMEDIATELY BACK DOWN.
12. Signing my deal with fucking Valentino. Seriously I’m a fucking idiot.
13. Even suggesting the idea that Charlie should come to the studio. She’s just going to get hurt.
14. Mouthing off to Val.
15. Not getting Charlie out of the hotel sooner
16. Being such a pathetic, dick sucking ho who isn’t good at anything beyond sex.
17. Not being able to take all of this.
18. Not acting well enough cause some this bitchass cat is seeing through me.
19. Ever offering that bitchass cat my services.
20. Pushing Husk’s boundaries
21. Not being my true self.
22. Acting for so long I don’t even really know who my true self is
23. Being a dick to Charlie
24. Being a dick to Husk
25. Being a dick to everyone
26. Putting my dick in a vacuum cleaner.
27. Calling Smiles a creepy dommy daddy.
28. Letting Niffty know about some of my more kinky films. She’s getting ideas…
29. Trying to play poker with Husk (and not even strip poker!)
30. Testing if my venom works on myself (it doesn’t and now I have pink bite marks)
31. Leaving what I used to clean my bites out because somehow Alastor found them and is now TEMPORARILY PARALYZED AND I DONT WANT HIM TO KILL ME WHEN HE CAN MOVE AGAIN.
32. Not answering Val’s texts.
33. Wearing boots. Seriously these things hurt sometimes.
34. Having ugly feet so I can’t NOT wear boots.
35. Tracking mud into the hotel
36. Mentioning sex around the Egg Bois because now I have to explain what it is.
37. Describing sex as something their boss “has never had,” it got back to Pentious and I’m scared.
38. Mentioning “Vox” anywhere in Alastor’s vicinity.
39. Agreeing to play Monopoly with Niffty. In general Monopoly sucks but Niffty likes to get knives involved?!?!
40. Getting addicted to drugs.
41. Getting caught in that alleyway by my BITCHASS brother.
42. Not trying harder for Molly.
43. Not saying goodbye.
44. Fucking overdosing.
45. Doing literally fucking nothing with my life and nothing with my death.
46. Taking the easy was out and doing whatever pops told me to
47. Yelling “FUCK” loudly in church that one time
48. Not teaching these people at the hotel how to FUCKING MAKE SPAGHETTI RIGHT?!
49. Getting high with Cherri.
50. Telling Val to “fuck off”
51. Flirting with that one cannibal guy because now they all seem to want to EAT ME (and not in the sexy way)
52. Leaving those pot brownies out. High cannibals, Egg Boiz, and Nifftys are terrifying.
53. Letting myself be named “Angel” because this makes shit too damn confusing plus I think Niffty wants to KILL ME?!
54. Not spending more time with these losers
55. Not opening myself up to Husk sooner.
56. Being too much of a coward to tell him how I feel.
57. Mentioning Pent has two dicks to Cherri cause she won’t stop asking about it.
58. Not doing enough to save Pentious.
59. Not telling him how much he means to me.
60. Trying to lift way more than I should have. Apparently six arms doesn’t mean I’m super strong.
61. Calling Niss a short motherfucker who nobody likes. I’m sorry, I’ll be better (and call him something even worse next time.)
62. Still being too much of a coward to tell Husk how I feel.
63. Flirting with Husk in Italian when he UNDERSTOOD ME THIS WHOLE DAMN TIME?!
64. Getting a room on the same side of the building as Alastor’s because he keeps laughing at 3 in the morning???
65. Kissing Husk in public. Val is mad.
66. Trying to even have a boyfriend with Val around. It’s stupid.
67. Calling yourself stupid for wanting to have a boyfriend.
68. Giving my boyfriend access to this list.
69. No regrets. Only 69. :D (Jesus Christ you’re a child.)
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