#i dont know if i hate this or love this so if it disappears it means i have decided for the first one | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

arsenicflame · 15 days

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Bonus round! Do you use a queue tag?

#ive been super curious about this because people seem to have really strong opinions on the queue! so many people seem to HATE it #but i love using the queue! i dont really know exactly why i like it so much- i started using in like... 2016 and its a fundamental part of #my tumblr experience now. i think i started off just using it for offline hours so id hit most my american mutuals (/ for aes posts)#but these days basically everything goes in my queue (cept time sensitive things & like. current hype and original posts-#anything 'normal' posting is in the queue)#idk it feels. nice to me! i like to spread out my posting and not rb 30 things in half an hour and then disappear for the rest of the day #esp since my spaces are so circular- the same post runs on my dash a dozen times minimum. and i get to put it on ur dash a week late!!!#and its so nice to have small interactions with mutuals in incompatible timezones; to open up my notifications in the morning #and go: oh! my friends were here <3 #its such a Part of the tumblr experience for me i dont think i could ever truly change now. maybe switch to timed queueing #but my availability changes so much i prefer to just. know i guess #but (i am so sorry for all that) im curious about how other people feel!!!!!! itd be so interesting to hear abt why people do/do not like i #i know some people like the experience of spamming and going. some people think it makes this seem to much like influencing or whatever #everyone has their reasons and i want to know!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#nyxtalks #poll #queue #no see answers option because you must fall into one of these

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howdyboh · 1 year

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betrayal of blood

#toh #the owl house #caleb wittebane #philip wittebane #my art #wittebane brothers #ignore how small the knife is ok? peace and love #second time i post about this dude dying hope to see him alive saturday #i dont know if i hate this or love this so if it disappears it means i have decided for the first one

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haunted-xander · 8 months

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I'll bury myself with your suffering, if that's what it takes

#girls when they love someone so much yet are all to aware that they unwittingly cause them suffering #and would do anything to ease it for them #even die #i think about how she makes SEVERAL comments on how she wishes she was dead so thancred wouldnt suffer so much #when she suggests fusing with minfilia proper shes literally like. i dont care what happens to me anymore i want to do whatever i can #even if it means dying/disappearing in the process #she genuinely thinks this is the only way her existance is justified #as a vessel and stepping stone for minfilia #bc shes not strong enough not fast enough she doesnt have minfilias powers #and (as far as she knows) she doesnt even have thancreds love. the person she loves the most doesnt actually care about her (in her mind)#all her life shes been a source of suffering for everyone around her #her existance was a threat to vauthry and a source of grief for ran'jit #and grief and hope and hate and love and everything all at once for thancred #like he did love her. but he also hated that it wasnt minfilia. and he grieved having to lose one but also hope for whoever would surivive.#all she wanted was for him to love her for HER and when she couldnt have that she sought his love the only way she know how #by becoming the person he wished her to be instead #ryne waters #final fantasy #final fantasy 14 #final fantasy xiv #ff14 #ffxiv #art #my art #xanders art #digital art #fan art #xander being insane about ryne #tw blood #cw blood

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echo-s-land · 2 months

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It's insane how most of the time I don't get how ppl interact and I also Don't Fucking Care

#vent ig #i wish i could #but unfortunately i havent had the occasion of sharing one of my interest with you in the past three months and when i did it didnt go as i #wanted and now we're supposed to talk through smalltalks except i dont know how to do those so im awkward as hell and unconsciously cut the #short and now im being hated (?) even tho that wasnt my intent #but i guess no matter how trustful i am i just look like a liar #and i cant even bring myself to care bc how am i supposed to explain myself when youre convinced what i say is a lie #we werent even supposed to be this close so sorry if im stiff. i tried to get along but i just cant #the never ending circle between 'i want to have ppl to interact with being alone to experience this world is exhausting and dreadful' and #'im not even remotely interested by any of you'#its different on tumblr bc i can curate my own experience & nobody comes @ me when i dont interact with them for days or weeks (BC IVE GOT #NOTHING TO SAY) and its okay and its normal and we dont have to do the 'hi how are you wyd' script every single time (sure we can check up #on each other once in a while but it doesnt become a script. it feels genuine.)#anyway. im so normal. i can def care about ppl that have never been as insane as me about something we both love(d at some point)#am pretty sure i developed 'i perceived you saying/thinking One(1) bad thing about me and now i dont care at all about your existence' as #a child as a coping mechanism but goddammit i feel like an asshole everytime it happened #i hate feeling apathetic #and i hate lying too so i cant just say shit to reassure them when i dont mean them #cant tell them im sorry about how my behavior is perceived when im so damn tired and would rather they disappear of my life

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nightfallsystem · 2 months

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u guys ever think about killing urself for everyone elses sake.

just so people wont have to go thru the annoyance of talking to me or the disgust of seeing my face so they can be happier by talking to their other friends instead of me so they dont have to deal with my actual fucking stupidity

#tw vent #tw suicide #ingnore this. btw. or dont i cant stop you lol #imsso close to cutitng off everyone i know so they can be happier i alreadyblocked a few people i knewnow ionly know one person irl #imf so glad she found other people so she'll be completely fine if i disappear out of her life her life sounds like its going great actuall #ruining my life ^_^#i dont want to talk to people but for their sake #IM GENUINELY SO FUCKING STUPID AND UPSETTING TO TALK TO .#does anyone even love me anymore #im probably doign this for my own selfish reasons #i dont go outside anymore for everyone else sake. so they dont have to see my ugly face. or deal with my awful speech #at least i can still draw.... only way i can mkae people happy..#im mean to myself more than anyone else is mean to me at htis point. why #im not even capable of becoming mentally well at hthis point. im a lost cause #tell me what you rlly think . just tell me to shut the fuck up. just call me annoying. whatever u say cant be worse than what i do to mysel #pleasee im just dragging u down and making u feel worse whenever u tlak to me DO YOU NOT REALISE IT #i dont want to feel better for myself i want to feel better so i can be useful to others #i fucking hate people but i love them a lot . i gues i just hate how i affect others. social outcast i guess

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nickbutnodick · 1 day

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if youre wondering why i never vent on main its not because i have a vent account its because im perfectly fine

#liar mcliesalot is lying again (to the shock of no one)#i dont vent on main because i hate people worrying about me #worrying about me is not part of my blog theme #anyways i was just thinking how everyone would be happier if i was cishet but as that is obviously not possible #(im a stubborn piece of shit clinging to this idea that im queer so ill have some community who cares about me no matter how shitty i am)#i think the solution is no more me!#right so here me out right:#if cishet me is impossible and its the only reason anyone loves me the solution is to kill myself #or just disappear #(dont worry im so fine im just exaggerating you know how it is im really fine)#tw sui #three pigeons in a trench coat

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ladyintree · 1 year

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i think about allie s/tevens all the time i'm so sorry

#[crowd boos]#its just sooo fascinating. to ME #to think about her life being spared by the injury tai gave her #how bitter she'd be and then the plane disappears and it turns into survivors guilt #and survivors guilt turns into some twisted misplaced envy over the years #her trauma is very clearly different but thinking about what she'd be going through in those 2 years is soo interesting #she probably never even went to prom. despite that being the reason she was sad about having to go to nationals #she never had the life she thought she was going to have. the disappearance shaped her in an entirely different way #who would she have been without it!!!!!! how it hangs over her head 'you're alive bc of this' and what does that mean for her. nothing.#how 25 years later she inserts herself into their trauma bc its defined her life but shes completely on the outside of it so she doesnt #know how to actually process it. so she insults the rest of them with the way she does it.#dont mind ME im just thinking i had to get the thoughts out of my head before i did something silly <3 #i know everyone loves to be like 'she sucks everyone hates her blah blah' im sorry but its a fun perspective TO ME #shes allowed to suck. btw<3 #ooc.

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complementary-oxymorons · 6 months

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it would be nice to have testosterone it would be nice to have the drive to work on the things i dont want to do it would be nice to be able to be nonbinary without forcing myself to be uber-masc it would be nice to learn to trust people it would be nice to be better at art it would be nice to learn to accessorise and dress nicely it would be nice to stop existing

#clemont babbles #negative shit #why do academics always send me into such an awful spiral? what the fuck is wrong with me #im no fucking boy genius im always a borderline disappointment #halfway there but never making it and yet everyone seems to see the smoke and mirror of wasted potential #i hate school so much but i need it to get a better job but why get a better job when i have nothing to live for #no partner; no one in their right mind would ever want me like that #my love is mine to give and i give it to my friends #and even then it literally took 3 maybe 5 years for me to be comfortable with rey #and for kade it's like 5 maybe 6 #'social skills are pretty important' trust me mr wong i know #but why would i ever let people in when i dont trust their political standings and dont know how acceptable my existence is to them #god if you exist out there #why did you not grant me the courage to die in 2012 #thirteen wasted years; two of them in a ''''depressed'''' haze #my discords so populated with unfinished plans and fickle step by steps #i should buy a ticket to see kade at least once in my life before i disappear

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depresseddepot · 2 years

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the way i try so SO hard to gain even a crumb of body neutrality only to then see some shit on twitter that remind me that oh yeah. a distinct portion of the population genuinely believes they are being discriminated against when they have to look at or be within 50 feet of a fat person

#the amount of times ive heard my skinny friends call themselves fat and disgusting to my face without considering the implications #i saw some tweet that just like. had a fat person in the video and ALL of the responses were men making fun of her #like. yes i realize my life would be so much better if i was born with a faster metabolism. thank you for reminding me #yes i realize i am not treated seriously because i am fat #that sort of incredulous look skinny people give you when you have the audacity to sit near them on the bus or ask for directions #like they're shocked you weren't some round thing that was in their sights for 2 seconds to make fun but disappeared #i am trying very hard not to let it get to me but when so many people seem to think the same thing it feels stupid #likei know i dont see people the way allosexuals do but are fat people really so disgusting that they feel like they can say shit like that #its so so frustrating #if i am going to die alone because of my own failings i can learn to accept that #but if i die alone because i can't find anybody that doesn't think fat people are worthless then what is the fucking point lmao #''people irl dont actually think that'' i cant count on 1 hand the amount of skinny people who have lamented about their weight to my face #someone brings in cookies to work and as im eating one someone skinny says ''well. i really don't need the extra calories so ill pass''#someone skinny checking out diet/exercise books because they ''REALLY have to lose some weight''#no they aren't talking about me/to me but how detached from your surroundings do you have to be to shit on yourself for your weight #like. even if i was skinny they're still talking about how gross and ugly they are around kids #''love your body and your self!!!1!!1'' okay then stop calling yourself disgusting regardless of how much you weigh.#you can think if if you want but god that 12 year old girl in line behind you is going to remember that forever #she is going to internalize ''oh okay. thats what a disgusting body looks like''#andthen she'll grow up and hate herself and continue the fucking cycle #just stop. stop talking about your weight around kids. i dont need 60 yo women telling me they're gross when they weigh maybe 150 lbs #i know this is super unhealthy but i literally cannot wait until i can move out and isolate myself from society #because every second i try to engage with it is literal torture #yall are so mean for no reason #i dont really have much to live for #but it would be helpful if skinny people didn't constantly reiterate that there's no point to living if you aren't skinny #im so tired #vent

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woahajimes · 9 months

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i hate tumblr new format. alsooo whatd i miss

#listen my tumblr writing voice is disappearing since all i post are instagram CFs.#alas whats #errr i went to ecuador over the summer and holy i love cocktails #i got drunk for the first time and the next date went hungover to a diff date and then got into a relationship but i broke up with him like #two days ago #IB Y2 is effectively killing me and the last thing i needed was someoen that drained me #also i found an argentine show called rebelde way from the 2000 s #go di need to rant about it i feel so strongly like i just im so frustrated school is so much and i am bf-less (for the better) and #i turn 18 soon and i start college next sept and im gonna major in math and OH BUT i dont want to be alone i hate being alone oh oh oh #bu the show is so good but my deadlines are so heavy but the show but pablo and marizza #IB took over sm of my life like yeah i let it consume me but oh god oh oh oh #i hadnt had a legit interest or show i liked bc i know i get deranged about them #godd im also one of the only 2 girls left in the program #and i need to hit the gym bc like. grad is soon and why are boys in my school so mean #in ecuador this isnt a thing like friendships are sm closer in ecuador and dynamics are so different and oh i yearn to be with tehm i reall #do but the country is like not okay and i had a kidnapping scare but oh oh oh to feel loved by the people around you #anyways what else #sorry i disappeared fellas

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anotherpapercut · 2 years

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really glad to see the culture on here moving away from "ugh I hate when women date men who just look like nothing. it's so disgusting how beautiful amazing women will date gross ugly men" and towards "I want a man who's just some guy"

#glad were all moving towards treating people better even if theyre not 'conventionally attractive'#i always hated those posts #i dont know why you wouldnt be happy for your friend if shes happy in a relationship with a man you dont find attractive #love isnt even about attractiveness! the people you love are always the most beautiful people youll ever meet #the phrase love is blind is kinda cliche but its so true #when you love someone deeply you stop seeing them as a bunch of different facial and body features #and you start seeing THEM #the outward appearance disappears and they look like who they are #like that Shel Silverstein about getting older and happier etc

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dragonnyy · 1 year

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i uhhmmmmm may or may not take a break from just like writing for a couple days like im just gonna lay off on it cuz the fucking thoughts are back and ruining everything and i dont feel like im even a good writer (no skill lololol) so ya sorry

(tw: vent in the tags)