#i dont know if i will be able to keep up with 1 chapter/week

[knocktherock]

on our way (chapter 1)

A/n: my first enemies to lovers, I hope you like it. It’s gonna be a whole story.

Warnings: guns, death

Pairing: Joel miller x fem!reader

Ill also be posting this on my Ao3; Flugkind

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You have been roaming the ruins of the past society for years now. There had been times you were living with a group, but most of them either got split up or killed. So you started to avoid any group that had crossed your path ever since. You are pretty sure you can take onto this devastated world on your own, you know that you can trust your body and soul, you know your strengths and weaknesses.

you are currently strolling through a small town, supplies have been low for a few weeks now, you had your last actual meal months ago. Your stomach grumbles and growls every time you pass an old restaurant. Images of when times were still okay, when you were able to stroll through crowded streets and go out to eat with your friends flood your mind whenever you see an old KFC sign.

Shops have been scavenged long before you arrived there. The only thing you had found up until now was a can of peaches and corn. You are starting to worry about how much longer you could last with such little supplies.

You are walking through a gas station, the scrunchy leaves below your feet is the only sound around, which is why you keep your gun on your hip.

The inside of the station was pretty roughed up. Windows shattered, newspapers decorating the floor, pieces of glass hiding below brown leaves. You step behind the counter and crouch down to shuffle through the cupboards. There is a roll of tape, a very useful thing in times like these.

quickly, you stuff it into your gray backpack.

As you stand up, you're taken aback to find a little girl with brown hair staring directly at you, a gun trained on your position.

„Joel!“ her voice matches her young looks. You would guess her to be between the age of thirteen and fifteen.

Your veins are frozen with fear. Even though it is just a teenager standing across from you, there has to be a man around and there is a gun in your face.

Out of the corner of your eye, you catch sight of a man with tousled dark hair, a stern expression, and a peppered beard, adding to his overall disheveled appearance.

„Hands up“ the girl orders, you could tell that she is trying to seem tougher than she actually is, her slightly shaking hand is giving it away.

As you slowly lift your hands above your head, the man steps around the counter towards you. He has already eyed the gun in the front of your pants so he takes it, then pets you down to make sure that there are no other weapons on you.

You dont know if they are an actual threat because they seem more like a father-daughter duo roaming the wasteland.

„Hi“ is the only thing coming out of your mouth, which you immediately regret. hi? Really?

You study the mans face. Honey eyes are fixed on you as he stuffs your gun in his belt. The brown jacket he is wearing has dark, dried blood splatters across it. An uneasy feeling creeps up your neck and anxiety builds in your belly.

„Lower the gun, Ellie“ His voice is deep and monotone.

so its Ellie and Joel… neither of the two seem to know what to do next, so you try to introduce yourself.

„I’m y/n, I dont mean any harm. Just trying to get by, you know?“ you are trying to calm their nerves the best you can, you do not need trouble right now. Especially with the man in front of you, who doesn’t look like the nicest fella. Ellie has lowered the gun by this point.

„we are too“ Ellie nods as her eyes scan over you.

„Are you two hungry?“ you say even though you know what their answer would be, everyone out here is hungry.

„I have two cans of food with me, we could share“ your hands still up besides your head, you slowly try to lower them to reach for your backpack but Joel stops you immediately.

„Not so fast, kid“ he mutters and reaches for your backpack himself, he shuffles around in it and grabs the two cans you found earlier. Ellie makes herself comfortable at a small table nearby the shattered window, her gun is still resting on her thigh to intimidate you.

Joel tosses the peaches to her and opens the can of corn with his knife, his strong hands make it look like the knife is cutting through butter instead of metal. He stares at you with an unreadable look in his eyes before nodding to the chair across from Ellie.

„sit“ Although the demanding voice sends shivers down your spine, it also aggravates you; you don't appreciate being told what to do.

Though you resent having to comply with his demand, you do so anyway, acknowledging that you have no other options. The thought of running flits through your mind, but you don't feel compelled to do so just yet.

Joel puts the can on the table in front of you and you three start digging in with your fingers, nobody would be carrying forks around with them during the apocalypse so you’re used to eating with just your hands.

The cans are empty after a few minutes, the peach juices have dripped all over your hands and the table.

Ellie licks them off her palm and sucks her fingers clean with loud plopping noises. There is barely any conversation, so you make the first step.

„So where are you headed?“ you direct the question at Ellie because she seems to be the more friendly one of this duo

„back to our com-“

„Ellie“ Joel immediately interrupts her and shoots her a dirty look.

„What? Does she seem like a savage killer to you?“ she raises her eyebrow at him, you can tell she has the typical teenage sass in her.

„do you have a group or anything?“ she asks you with a small smile on her lips.

„No, Ive been on my own for a long time now“ you admit with a shrug, glancing over to Joel who is leaning against the counter.

„I think its time for you to go now.“ he mutters, the expression on his face hadn’t changed a slight bit since you first laid eyes on the man. A cold and calculating stare with eyes that look like they’ve never had a genuine smile reach them.

he has a kid with him, while you are a stranger. How could he be certain that you don’t pose a threat? You could easily be leading them into a trap.

Considering this you nod understandingly.

„It was nice seeing someone after a while of only runners and clickers.“ you smile halfheartedly at Ellie. The idea of having some companionship, even for a brief time, was appealing as it would have meant not having to be constantly vigilant.

You get up and grab your backpack of the ground, your glance travels up the legs of Joel who is standing only a few feet away from you. His thick thighs fit perfectly in the dark blue jeans he is wearing.

As you straighten up, you get to take one last glance at the rough features of his face before saying a final goodbye to Ellie and heading back outside.

You are now a couple hundred feet away when you hear two gunshots cutting through the silence. All of your senses immediately go on high alert as you turn back towards the gas station you just left minutes ago.

You do not know if the gunshots came from that direction, but your legs moved before you could even think about it.

Your tired and strained muscles carry you back to the building quickly but you know better than to just barge in there, you have to be quiet and slow, evaluate the situation before jumping into action.

Recalling the entrance Joel had used, you decide to quietly slip towards the building's rear door.

You round two corners before you can make out voices, there are more than two men talking, but you cant tell if one of them is Joel, because well he didn’t talk to you much.

Your hand only finds an empty space on your belt where your gun is supposed to be and you remember that Joel took it.

Fuck

What are your options now? Jump into the unknown behind this wall?

Or maybe you should just leave, they can probably handle it themselves. Thinking about it for a second, you picture the young girl who was clearly not confident in using her gun.

Ignoring the potential danger, you glance over and witness Joel lying on the ground, with a stranger pinning him down with his boot and pointing a gun at him from above. You cant make out where Ellie is, but if Joel is on the ground she probably is as well.

Another man is standing behind the counter, both strangers have their backs turned towards you, which means you could have the upper hand if you had your gun, but you dont, the strangers do.

As you take a look around to find some kind of weapon you can hear one of them talk.

„There were three of them I swear“

if you weren’t sweating before, you are definitely now.

They know you are here.

They will come looking for you any second.

Eyes moving frantically, you check again for anything that can help you right now. Unfortunately the only thing catching your attention is a broom. Not your first choice, but as good as it gets.

Footsteps approach your current location slowly.

Pat. Pat. Pat

Sweat makes it hard to have a steady grip on the broom, your breath is uneven, fear ripples through your nerves like the ominous rumble of thunder before a storm.

You level the end of the broom with your head and wait for someone to walk through the door. As you see a forehead peak past the wooden doorway, you bash the end of the broomstick forward and into the temple of the man.

He groans, falls to his knees and then face forward onto the ground. The force of your strike was enough to knock him out.

You grab the mans gun from the side of his body and step out into the open.

Since the other man is already aware of you, there's little use in trying to conceal yourself.

With a raised gun, you spot the man above Joel staring back at you.

The scene is etched into your mind's eye, like a permanent tattoo on your soul, as you shoot him down. The bullet rips through his chest, he gives of a gurgling sound as he falls backwards.

His legs keep jerking for a few seconds while he bleeds out on the floor.

Joel is quickly up on his feet and turns towards you with confusion written all over his face, then a little head pops up behind the counter, Ellie.

„That was savage!“ As if unable to contain her excitement, she jumps into the air twice, her exclamation ringing out loud and clear.

Joel on the other hand has a mixture of shock and anger on his face, as if he can’t comprehend that you are capable of the thing that just happened.

„We had it sorted.“ His muttered words are accompanied by a piercing stare that seems to penetrate your soul.

Why was he still acting like a dick?

„A thank you would’ve been cool“ You tilt your head in puzzlement, but the slow burn of anger is unmistakable as it begins to take hold within you.

Joel huffs and turns to Ellie „are you alright“

She nods and focuses back on you „thanks, y/n“ she smiles genuinely at you.

A smile spreads across your face as you lock eyes with her, sensing an immediate connection. You feel a sense of responsibility to shield her from harm and take on the role of a big sister.

„We’ve got to get going“ Joel exclaims as he shuffles through the pockets of the dead man in front of him, looking for useful things.

„She can come with us.“ Ellie says and looks at him then back at you.

„No“ short and simple. He rises to his feet, giving her a cold look. „I don't need the added responsibility of another kid. She can clearly manage on her own.“

After a heated argument with Ellie and some convincing on your part, he finally relents and allows you to join them. You need someone, you need a home. And they are heading to a town or whatever, which was perfect.

„I will stay out of your hair after we get there, alright.“ Even though you risked your own life to save his, you can feel the tension between the two of you and know that he doesn't appreciate your help.

You only get a simple nod and an „I fucking hope so“ back.

[angel-eyes05]

bite the hand (chapter 8)

PREVIOUS CHAPTER

pairing: spider-woman!oc x miguel o’hara 

summary: lorena's whole world was taken away from her in the blink of an eye, after she accidentally broke a canon event. lucky for her though, she was able to find a portal watch in her dimension and used it to get out before she glitched out of existence. unfortunately though, running from dimension to dimension, she's been named as an anomaly by the spider society. now, she's constantly on the run from them, their leader in particular. when she eventually gets caught though, she's recruited onto a mission to catch another anomaly who might be from her past. to her dismay though, her partner on this mission is her very captor. will she be able to stop arguing with him for long enough to get the job done?

info: enemies to lovers, maybe a slow burn depending on chapter count, oc is 24 and miguel is 27, both oc and miguel are super sad lmao, they're also both super violent so, they also hate each other what a slay, in regards to my oc you can read her character sheet right here

warnings: there might be spoilers for atsv in this so watch the movie before reading this, i made up some weird rules for miguel's suit and idk if theyre entirely accurate to canon so just go with it, tension lol, cursing, drinking

word count: 3.4k

notes: i gotta start repeating the banners at the top cause i ran out LMAO. also, expect less frequent uploads cause 1) i kinda have low motivation rn and 2) im pretty busy rn (going out, vacations, and doing job applications). writing also gets a little draining for me after a while and i gotta put me first😔✊ ill keep uploading though dw i just gotta do it at my own speed to make sure i dont drop the series cause if i try to push stuff out too fast, im gonna end up dropping it so just bear with me lol. also i didn't proofread this before posting cause its 3:30 when im dropping this, and im so tired lmao

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It was the sun that slithered into the room through the cracks in the blinds that woke her up. Lorena preferred that to the normal wakeup call from a nightmare, or the sounds of honking cars next to her on the street. The way the bed had molded itself to her shape made it impossible for her to move. Almost like it was trapping her in its comfort. Even if the mattress was old, the fact that this had been her first time sleeping in an actual bed, and not a bench, sidewalk, or cot, in months was enough to provide her ease. 

She turned to face the other side of the bed, surprised when no one was in sight. Miguel was probably in the bathroom or something. She was more focused on a different fact: this had been the first sleep in weeks without a nightmare.

Huh. Weird.

She sat up in bed, noticing she was still in her robe from the bathroom. She rubbed the drowsiness off her face as the click of the door lock called her attention. Letting in a stream of early sunlight with him, Miguel walked through the door, pitch black sunglasses covering his eyes, a box in one hand, and a cup tray in the other. “Figured you’d be hungry when you woke up,” he said once he noticed she was awake. He softly kicked the door closed behind him, setting the tray on the desk near the door and the box on the bed. 

Pulled by curiosity, she moved her hands towards the box and opened it to see what was inside. Her mouth immediately started watering when she opened it to see assorted treats such as conchas, bigotes, and mantecadas. “I was in the mood,” Miguel said, pulling the drinks out of the tray. “I didn’t know how much cream or sugar you liked so I just got you black cause that's what I get,” he said, handing the hot cup of coffee to her. 

The smell of the pastries mixed with the coffee was enough to make her want to cry. It reminded of the smells of her aunt’s kitchen in the morning. The bitterness of the coffee stung at her throat, but it was overshadowed by the comfort it brought her. She picked up one of the bigotes, and had to hold back her tears of joy when she took a bite. “Gracias por todo,” she said, mouth full of food and covered in sugar. Miguel smiled at the sight of her. “De nada, cariño,” he said sweetly, taking one of the conchas for himself. 

As he walked away with his food, towards the bathroom, Lorena noticed something about him. “Where’d you get the clothes?” she asked, mouth still filled with food. He was now wearing a pair of gray sweatpants and a plain white t-shirt. “It’s part of my suit,” he responded, fixing his hair in the bathroom mirror. “¿Cómo?” He sighed. “Remember what I said about the whole nanotech thing last night?” “Yeah, what about it?” Suddenly, the shirt and sweatpants shifted into his blue and red suit just before her eyes. “Woah…” she exclaimed in awe. “I can change its appearance as long as the outfit is downloaded to my suit’s database.” “Oh,” Lorena expressed, even if she still didn’t fully understand what he was talking about. 

“Why’d you get to be born in the crazy, futuristic dimension with all the fancy tech,” she complained to herself, just loud enough for Miguel to hear. “Why, do you want one?” he asked, in between a small chuckle. “I mean it would be nice to wear something other than a tight spandex suit for once,” Lorena joked, getting an actual laugh out of Miguel for once. Lorena blushed and smiled at his reaction. “Well lucky for you, you’re gonna need one for tonight,” he responded. “What do you mean?” she asked, after taking a sip from her coffee. 

He tossed her a small, golden chain. “The outfit should form around that chain. I had Lyla upload different outfits for the day, since she probably knows better than I do. When you’re ready, put it on.” Lorena admired the golden material. She was lucky she wasn’t a silver jewelry girl. “So what’s on the to-do list for today,” she said, still looking at the chain. “Stay undercover for the majority of the day, then head over to the Moonlit River club at night. Lyla should have that outfit uploaded by now,” he responded, brushing his teeth with the provided amenities in the motel. 

“Why, are you finally deciding to take me out dancing to pay me for my troubles,” she joked, taking a sip of coffee after. Miguel spit out his toothpaste and sighed. “Brock meets up there on Thursday nights to trade weapons.”

Silence filled the space between them.

She knew this day had to come. She just wasn’t expecting it to be so soon. 

“I see,” was all she could manage to say, before taking another sip of her coffee.

Miguel could feel the turmoil radiating off of her from the bathroom. He washed out his mouth, and splashed a bit of water on his face before walking over to her. He pushed the box of pastries to the side, and took a seat in front of her on the sheets.

“Mirarme,” he softly spoke, using his pointer finger to guide her eyes to his. She looked up at him, trying her best not to get lost in the crimson shade of his eyes. “I-” He cut himself off before he could continue. He melded her hand into his before speaking again. “I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again. I want you to know that if this becomes too much for you…you can back out.” His inflection was weird. As if he didn’t want her to, but still wanted to keep her comfortable. A wrestling match between what he wanted and what was best for her. 

“And I’ve said it before too. I’m not running away from this,” Lorena said back, voice strong. “Ok. Just know if things get bad for you in there, I’ve got your back,” he said, concern in his voice. He had also found his eyes roaming her face, not realizing they had both subconsciously moved closer to each other. “And I’ve got yours too,” she said back. Once he had realized Lorena’s robe was loose enough to see inside to her chest, Miguel cleared his throat and got up from the bed quickly. 

“I’m gonna go into town, see if I can pick up any information on the street. You can do whatever you want until its time, but make sure to-” “Yeah, yeah, lay low. Relax big guy, I’ve got this,” she cut him off, reassuringly. He exited the room quickly, like he was in a rush to get away from her. He was gone for almost the rest of the day. 

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About 8pm that night. 

Miguel was outside in the main room of the motel while Lorena was getting herself ready in the bathroom. Miguel had gone out earlier and bought her some cheap makeup and perfume from a local drugstore, a sweet gesture. 

Once she finished with her makeup and straightening up her hair, she tapped on the middle part of her gold chain, causing a menu to pop up. She scrolled through the options until she came across the last one, labeled by Lyla as “night time😉”. She clicked on the option, as she watched in awe as her casual t-shirt and sweatpants shifted into her outfit for the night. A tight black dress, cut asymmetrically to show one of her thighs, and a turtle neck part detached from the rest of the dress, with glove-like sleeves. This feature allowed for the perfect peephole towards her chest. Lorena had a feeling Lyla would try to do some matchmaking with her outfit.

With a quick spritz of perfume, a double check of her face in the mirror, and quickly putting on a black headband for her hair, Lorena quickly exited the bathroom. Miguel was standing there, waiting by the door and checking his portal watch. He was sporting a black, silk, button up shirt, tucked into black dress pants. The fact that the shirt was way too tight for him was accentuated by his muscles sculpted by the fabric and the fact that the first two buttons were open. His eye was caught by Lorena when she stepped out of the bathroom, his mouth slightly agape in awe and his eyes almost stuck to her.

“It’s flashy, I know. But it’s better that I fit in,” she said, trying to divide the tension in the room as she walked closer to him. “I-...um,” he stammered. “At a loss for words for once O’Hara?” she teased. Noticing a stray hair on the top of his head, she reached up to him to push it back. “Quédate quieto,” she commanded softly, while she stuck the piece back into the gel, trying to ignore how he was admiring her. 

“There you go. Ahora te ves guapo,” she teased, patting his chest with her hand. Miguel still had that stupid smile on his face. “Y te ves hermosa,” he said softly, and with utter sincerity. 

She couldn’t tell if she was caught more off guard with his words of affirmation, or the fact that the blush quickly forming on her cheeks was confirming her secret love of it. 

Clearing her throat, she unlocked the door, opened it, and gestured her hand to outside. “Lead the way big guy.” He smirked at her as he walked outside. He even got the courage to offer her his hand. This confidence was quickly deflated when she smacked away his hand, giggling to herself as she took the lead down the stairs. 

The night life of the city was bustling on the streets. Couples together, arm in arm, surely walking to a fancy restaurant for a night out. Lines forming outside of nightclubs, patrons with an urgency to get in. Everyone walking down the street with their own story to tell, just like Lorena. 

After walking for a couple of miles, the bright, neon blue sign shone in front of the entrance. The door was a mahogany red, with three stairs leading down to the entrance. But opposite to Miguel’s eagerness to get inside by opening the door, Lorena slightly froze, eyes blank. 

This was it. It was going to happen. Whether she was ready or not.

“Hey.” Miguel’s calm voice pulled her back to reality. “Stay with me. Okay?” He held out his large hand for her. This time, she decided to take it. “And remember to try and fit in,” he added. Her smile quickly turned sour and annoyed.

The atmosphere was loud, a mixture of people talking and the bass of the music filling the room. The fact that the lights were out didn’t seem to matter much with the amount of strobe and neon lights flashing within the bar. Lorena noticed Miguel quickly putting on a pair of sunglasses hidden in his jacket pocket. “I thought you said we needed to fit in,” Lorena stated as the two walked towards a high top near the bar. “I did. And?” “You really think you’re blending in with a pair of sunglasses on indoors? At night? In a club?” Lorena joked. “The lights hurt my eyes,” Miguel said, puppy dog hurt. Lorena had to fight to contain the laughter rising in her chest.

Once they sat down, and the reality of events settled down on Lorena, she began to look around the club. People sprayed out on couches, drunkenly conversing or making out. People out on the dance floor. Men walking into booths in the back, shielded by curtains. Eddie was probably in one of those. “I’m heading to the bar. You want anything?” Miguel asked, snapping her out of her daze. “Uhhhh, just get me something strong,” she brushed off, still not entirely paying attention. He shrugged and walked off to the bar. 

Lorena continued to inspect the area, her thoughts bouncing all over the place. What did this Eddie look like? Did he have black hair instead? Was his voice higher? Her Eddie always had a particularly deep tone. Smooth like silk as well. She would spend days on end focusing on the way he would say a single sentence back when she was first crushing on him. Would he act like her Eddie? She realized quickly she probably wouldn’t get the opportunity to find out. She didn’t necessarily want to find out anyways.

…

Would she have to kill him again? Would Miguel make her?

The smack of the glass on the table brought her back to reality. “You weren’t really specific, so I just got you a negroni,” Miguel said, open bottle of beer in his hand. Without a second thought, Lorena downed half the glass just then, proven to be a mistake with how strong the drink actually was. Her mouth curled inwards as her eyes shut closed, letting out a few coughs quickly after. 

Miguel laughed slightly, and slammed his hand against her back to help her cough. “What the fuck was that?” “Hey, you told me to get you something strong!” Miguel defended. “I thought you were gonna get me a margarita or something,” Lorena said, rubbing her chest with her hand. “Haven’t had alcohol in more than a year and you hit me with that straight away,” she said to herself. Subconsciously, he handed her his bottle. “Take a sip of that then.” She smiled to herself as she put her lips to the bottle and took a good sip of the beer. “Better?” he asked, like she was a child. “Yes, thank you for your charity sir, you’re so kind,” she responded sarcastically. 

“Find anything interesting yet?” Miguel asked, taking back the bottle. Lorena’s eyes went back to the curtains. “Those booths back there look promising. Are we sure he’s here yet though?” Lorena asked. “I have a hunch.” Lorena looked up at Miguel, annoyance on her face. “We’re going…off of a hunch?” “Just trust me on this okay.” Lorena sighed and took another sip of her own drink, wincing again when she put it back down. 

Her eyes were drawn away from the drapes and over to the lit up dance floor. She had always been the first one to bring her friends to dance with her when she was younger. Seeing it again brought feelings flooding back to her heart. Spontaneously, she jumped up from her chair and held out her hand to Miguel. “...What are you doing?” he asked, incredibly confused. 

“You said we had to blend in, right? We’ll do that better if we’re out there dancing,” she said. “Oh, no way. I don’t dance, chiquita,” he said, almost embarrassed. “Oh come on, for someone with your build? You’ve definitely danced before. Don’t be a debby downer Miggy,” she encouraged, both of them caught slightly off guard by the nickname slip. He rolled his head back, wiped his hands over his face, and let out a deep, annoyed groan. Once he stood up though and took her hand, it was impossible for Lorena to lose the smile growing on her face. “You’re taking the lead though, Loré,” he said, having come up with a nickname for her as well. She hoped the sunglasses he had on would keep him from seeing the blush on her face.

…

They didn’t.

Hand in hand, Lorena led Miguel over to the brightly lit floor, music blasting in the speakers next to them. Miguel stook out like a sore thumb, his huge build making him extremely identifiable among the other strangers on the floor. Lorena fit right in though, immediately beginning to dance to the blasting music. Miguel tried his best to copy her moves, but ended up looking like a fool. “You were right, you really aren’t that good at this,” Lorena teased. “Ha ha, very funny,” Miguel said monotonically. As the music changed slowly to a slower pace, they noticed the people around them grouping to dance into a pairs. She looked up to Miguel. He raised his eyebrow at her, asking her without words. Her smile was confirmation, as they inched towards each other. 

Almost as if they were pre-programmed to do so, Lorena wrapped her arms around Miguel’s neck, and his wrapped around her hips. They swayed together slowly to the music, melting into each others touch. He rested his head on her shoulder, his hot breath leaving goosebumps on her skin.

“This isn’t my wheelhouse,” he quietly whispered into her ear, sending shivers down her spine. “Why, better when other music is playing?” she whispered back sarcastically. “Everyone here’s lucky they aren’t playing salsa right now, or I’d be stealing the show.” Lorena let out a laugh. “Is that so?” He nodded, a huge smirk on his face. “I’m more of mambo person myself,” she responded. He smiled at her remark. “You’ll have to teach me some day.”

She struggled to keep the smile on her face as those words entered her head. You’ll have to teach me some day. She hadn’t even begun to think about it. What she would do after this mission was over. The whole point of doing this was so she could be granted her freedom. She wanted it so badly a couple of days ago. But now. She hadn’t even thought of staying as a possibility. Because to her, it wasn’t. She couldn’t invade Miguel’s life like that. She wasn’t even 100% sure how she felt about him, much less on how he felt about her. Besides, no matter how much she just wanted to settle down with someone. To live an actual life. She didn’t deserve it. 

Pulling away from him was like separating herself from her source of life, but she did it anyways. “You okay?” Miguel asked concerned. “Yeah, I just gotta freshen up for a second,” she said, wiping her nose. She turned around quickly to get away. Too quickly though, bumping into someone’s back on her way to the bathroom. 

Knocked off her balance, and her headband knocked out of her hair, she fell to the floor on her ass. “Sorry about that,” she said, slightly dissociated, reaching out for her headband. The stranger also reached down to help with her headband. “It’s okay, don’t worry about it gorgeous.”

Her heart dropped to her stomach.

That voice.

“Don’t lose your heart.”

She desperately wanted to keep her eyes glued to the floor. She didn’t want to look at him. But she had to keep her cover up. So she did, as slowly as she could though. And it was the worst possibly outcome.

He looked just like him. Strawberry blonde hair. Deep blue eyes. Small scar just above right eyebrow. His bottom two teeth fighting for room on the bottom row of his mouth. There was only one difference though. One of her favorite parts about him. This Eddie was missing his freckles. His beautiful light brown freckles.

She gave the stranger with her dead boyfriend’s face a strained smile while she grabbed her headband and rushed behind to the door. Her own brain pounding in her head was too loud for her to hear Miguel as she nearly ran passed him. She slammed the door to the outside open as she took in the air like it was her first breath ever. Even if she was outside now, she kept running. She sprinted down the streets, not taking any of her surroundings into account. She saw him in everyone’s face. His ghost had always been haunting her, but she wasn’t ready for him to move from behind her back to in front of her face. She ran so far and so fast until her legs ached, and even after that. She didn’t even know where she was going. She didn’t care. She just needed to get away from him as quickly as possible. Even if that meant leaving Miguel behind too. 

Her sprint was interrupted when her foot was caught in a change in the elevation on the sidewalk. Her face slammed into the concrete sidewalk, scraping her cheek and her knees. She used the rest of her strength, all drained out from her bolting, to crawl into a nearby alley. She made her way to the back and slunk down into the corner, hoping to meld into the brick behind her. Especially if it meant she never had to see him again.

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a/n: THIS TOOK ME SO LONG OH MY GOD. sorry if i messed some stuff up with the drinks, i dont drink so i really have no idea (im just a stoner instead lmao). UGH BUT I THINK THIS WAS MY FAVORITE CHAPTER TO WRITE I LOVED IT AND I HOPE YOU GUYS DID TOO

taglist: @the-ikran-man @jenniferdixon05207 @yuuuumii @elwyn7 @waniesss @lust-for-pan @natthernandez @pix-stuff @ang3lf4c3 @artfulthoughtswp @notwildlyfamous

[bratshaws]

goodness gracious 37. brb x oc

a/n: as someone who loves writing angst, my brain is confused by this amount of fluff...BUT I DONT MIND IT AT ALL

check out the fic's playlist made by the sweet @wiipes !!

pairing: plus size!oc x rooster

warnings: fluff FLUFFFFFFFFF, Bradley being supportive, slightly suggestive content (they are naked but nothing happens which is amazing considering everything )

chapters:

1/2/3/4/5/6/7/8/9/10/11/12/13/14/15/16/17/18/19/20/21/22/23/24/25/26/27/28/29/30/31/32/33/34/35/36

(pls let me know if you want to be added to the taglist!!)

taglist: @mirandastuckinthe80s @roosterschanelslut @wiipes @lcahwriter @shrimping-for-all @gretagerwigsmuse @frenchtoastix

@lizzie-rdj @fanboyluvr @atarmychick007 @comebacktoearthpls

@peachiicherries @mak-32 @lizziespidiepridie @roosterswifey @ollyoxenfrees @piceous21 @sqrlgrl22 @hofficoffi @lexhalstead3 

@lorilane33 @legendarydreamersharkparty @luckyladycreator2 @emilybradshaw @j-6o @louisahale 

-

The first week without Bradley was a bit hard, even if he woke her up with morning kisses and breakfast for the two of them, she missed his presence inside the apartment. Which was so silly, she didn’t want to be the clingy type of girlfriend who couldn’t handle being apart from her boyfriend for too long, plus she’s been without him for two months before. She could handle a few hours.

On the bright side, her ankle was already showing progress albeit small. She still couldn’t put weight on it but it wasn’t pulsating with pain every second she moved to adjust herself either on the bed or on the couch. Jolene also got used to it quite quickly, almost as if this was already her apartment before.

Beatrice did try to distract herself the best she could, with Netflix or video games but that wasn’t working. That’s when she grabbed her drawing supplies from her suitcase and started doodling on the couch. She just allowed her creativity to go wild, she had no plans in mind really.

Since she couldn’t sit cross legged she lied on her stomach to draw while she was on his bed with Netflix running in the background. She made sure to open her drawing book wide open so no pencil shavings or anything of the sort would land on his sheets. Sometimes she’d send Rooster a text when she knew it was his lunchtime, she didn’t want to bother him otherwise, just to let him know she was fine and what she was doing.

He always responded quickly, mentioning that the best part of his day was when she talked to him. Beatrice blushed so hard when she saw it she thought his bed would catch on fire, covering her face with both hands and squealing into her palms like a teenager in love. 

She told him he just wanted to make her blush and he replied with a ‘absolutely ;)’ like the smooth man he was. Beatrice’s smiles never faltered even when he was away, which helped in dealing with his absence before he returned to his apartment.

Speaking of his apartment, she had this very odd fear of messing his things up with her own stuff. Even if he said there was no problem, she didn’t want to take too much of his space, she didn’t want to bother him about it. While he did give her a drawer and a side of the closet for her to use, which smelled so good by the way, she tried to keep her things apart from his so he wouldn’t grab anything by mistake.

Just for safety, she thought, just so his things will remain in their usual spots. While opening his closet to grab one of her jackets since she got cold, she couldn’t help but run her eyes over his shirts. Several Hawaiian shirts, so many she lost count halfway, but she couldn’t help the smile on her face as she thumbed through them, nor could she help herself when she brought the fabric to her nose.

She was violently reminded of the time she smelled the pillow he sat against on the first time he visited, how guilty she felt and how she thought that’d be the only time she’d be able to smell his cologne. If only she knew.

She hummed happily, closing her eyes with the colorful fabric up her nose and a smile on her lips. Every single one of his shirts smelled like his cologne and fabric softener, with the cologne being the most predominant smell of all, much to her joy. 

With a sigh she let the shirts drop back into the closet and shut the door, blushing severely while keeping her grin. She however looked back at his desk where her phone currently was, a loud ping calling her attention.

She wondered if it was Evelyn giving her more information on the Karen woman and the Kappa team, since the woman came in growling and acting like a lunatic saying the game was rigged and that her daughter’s team should’ve won. She wished she was there to see it, because Evelyn obliterated that woman without even raising her voice and when the woman tried to act all high and mighty, Evelyn’s father stepped in and told her to back off.

Evelyn said that it was the first time she wasn’t mad her father intervened in her affairs…interestingly enough, after Beatrice asked if she went out with Hangman Evelyn stopped responding. Maybe that’s her finally replying to her question! Beatrice winced while making her way over to the desk, then hopped back to Bradley’s bed to check her phone.

“Hey! I don’t think you know me but I was the photographer for your aunt Martha’s wedding? When I sent her the pictures she told me to separate a few and send it to you! That’s how I found your Instagram, do you have an email account I can send them to?”

Beatrice blinks while reading the message, then shakes her head as she types back a positive response and the email, thanking the woman and making a mental note of thanking her aunt too. The email arrived within seconds and Beatrice scooted closer to the headboard so she could stretch her legs and get comfortable while opening the pictures.

She let out a soft gasp when the pictures loaded for her to see, there were only three of them but it was enough for her to feel her heart vibrating with happiness. Indeed they were only pictures of her and Bradley at the times they didn’t even know there was a camera there. The first picture was when she walked out of the bridesmaid chairs and greeted Brad out of the chairs, her flower crown in her hand and his own pulling out a tiny leaf out of her skin.

The second one was after he just played the piano to his heart’s content and she had leaped towards him as soon as he was done, with him picking her up and the two looking at each other like there was no one else around them.

The final picture was of the two dancing, more specifically of Beatrice laughing and Bradley holding her by the waist as Signed,Sealed,Delivered played in the background, his mouth smiling while kissing her cheek. She didn’t know if her aunt asked the photographer to take the pictures because they all seemed like…they were the main focus instead of the whole ceremony. She was sure there were pictures of her aunt and uncle together, but these look very specific.

Beatrice bit her lower lip, flipping through the images over and over again, her cheeks hurting from smiling so much. Now looking from an outside view, it was so clear to see how much happier she looked and how much Bradley looked at her with pure fondness in his eyes.

Beatrice slid down further on the bed, holding the phone close to her face as she looked back at the dancing picture. The focus was on them, everything and everyone else was blurry, the fairy lights above their heads made them look like they were glowing and they looked so happy to be there.

It also came to her attention that…they had no pictures of them together. Which wasn’t something she considered until now, she didn’t really feel like it was a bad thing? They were having too much fun together to bother taking pictures…unless Brad wanted to. But he’d tell her, right? He would, he’s very open and honest about their relationship. Would he be upset if she..shared this with others?

She should check.

She knew he was still on break, so she had to be quick before he was back to work.

Bea (13:35)

Roos!I need to ask you something! It’s really quick, I promise.

Roos (13:35)

Of course gorgeous, what is it? There’s nothing wrong right?

Bea (13:37)

No,no, I’m fine. It’s just the photographer at my aunt’s wedding took some pictures of us and…I wanted to show them to you and ask if it’s okay if I posted it? On IG i mean.

img.1 img.2 img.3

She chews on her lower lip nervously as she waits for him to reply, she knows he’d seen it because the gray bubble popped up then disappeared as soon as she sent them. What if he’s not ready? It could happen right? 

Roos (13:40)

You don’t even have to ask me! Of course you can! God, you look so good all the time it’s unfair. I saved the pictures on my phone too :) so we can both post it.

Bea (13:40)

Really? 

Roos (13:43)

Angel, baby, sweetest girl on this planet, yes of course. I also have a new phone wallpaper ;) that I can look wherever I miss you and remember how gorgeous you are.

Bea (13:43)

!!! You are a sweet talker…but I’m glad to hear that :3 I’ll leave you to it now, okay? I just wanted to make sure.

Roos (13:44)

It’s okay babe, you know I don’t mind hearing from you. I’ll see you later okay? I love you.

Bea (13:44)

I love you too! See you later!

She sighs, dropping the phone to her chest as she smiles in relief. She shouldn’t be as excited as she was about posting some pictures, right? But it wasn’t just the pictures, it was…them, their relationship, their time together that she cherished so much and now she could share it to the whole world to see.

Biting her lower lip again, she wasted no time in opening Instagram and posting the pictures and tagging him of course. She wondered what sort of caption would work, typing and erasing several times before finally writing ‘A very fun time, with the right person <3’ and blushing hard as she posted them.

She couldn’t help but look at the pictures, then at the caption and just smile so hard her cheeks hurt. It was real, it was so real she couldn’t even believe it. It was like now it hit her that the two were together, they loved each other and that she could have a man like Rooster in her life.

Beatrice squealed against her palms, tapping her good foot on the bed excitedly like Thumper from Bambi, giggling to herself. This was like a real life rom com and she was the main character and honestly she was very okay with that.

It doesn’t take long for people to comment and like the picture, her smile only broadening when she’s notified about a picture she was tagged into as well. Immediately she opens it to check and she almost melts into the mattress at the caption he wrote

‘That smile could put the sun to shame. <3’

She immediately covered her face with the pillow and screamed in delight, her face burning so much she could feel the warmth seeping through the stuffing. Beatrice felt her eyes watering and she couldn’t help the tears of joy that came out of her eyes, wetting the white pillow cover. 

Beatrice sniffled quietly when she pulled the pillow away, wiping her eyes with her knuckles and a teary smile, laughing shakily at herself, “It’s so silly, why am I crying?” she asks herself, trying to contain her tears of joy without much success Jolene rushes into the room with her sock monkey, looking at her owner with wide brown eyes and her ears up, agitated from hearing Beatrice’s soft sniffles.

“Jojo, it’s okay,” the brunette tries to tell the pittie, who just pushes her sock monkey onto the bed with her snout and holds herself upright with her front paws, whining quietly “It’s okay baby,I’m okay.” Beatrice pushes herself to a sitting position, cupping Jolene’s big head with her palms, pressing her nose to the pink snout, “I’m very happy, you know? I am so happy.”

Jolene licks Beatrice’s face,wiping some tears away in the process with her tail wagging vigorously, her back legs tip tapping on the bedroom floor as Beatrice chuckled, kissing the dog’s head after wiping her face the best she could, “Now let me get out of bed so I can wash my face, you slobbery machine.” she says lovingly, giving Jolene her sock monkey back and patting the pittie’s butt so she could move out of the way.

While she is in the bathroom washing her face, she hears the constant notification sounds coming from her phone in the back pocket of her sweat pants. She wipes her face and pulls out her phone to check who else commented on it, furrowing her eyebrows and tilting her head at a strange name that showed up on the list of likes, a mix of numbers and letters…she shrugs, it was probably a bot, it had no picture and no bio so she just reported and blocked it to be done with.

But she stared down at the screen for a while longer, frowning at the blocked account’s page, something…was off but she couldn’t pinpoint what exactly it was that made her so confused. She printed the screen for safety and then sent it to the girls' group chat, maybe it was someone else’s account they didn’t know of.

Maybe someone from college? Who knows, it’s hard to figure people out nowadays.

Hopefully not from High School, dear God, she hoped no one from back then followed her now. The last thing she heard about her high school was how her class representative wanted to make a ten years old reunion but was still organizing everything and that was months ago, ever since then it was radio silence.

It took her many years to work through the trauma of her time in school and while it was still within the backs of her mind, it’s not like it controlled her like it did before.  And while it’s been over ten years she didn’t really have a connection with anyone from her school, not like she had with the girls from college and so on, she didn’t have a reason to go back there and see everyone.

Beatrice decides she spent enough time in his bedroom and grabs her drawing supplies to go to the living room. She tries to hop and limp her way over, which works quite well, before settling herself on the couch with a sigh after grabbing her gel ice pack from the kitchen. She couldn’t lie, her body was clearly missing it’s usual workout activities, especially her morning yoga - which it’s surprising Bradley never saw her do - and her dance classes. 

It’s strange to not do that for a whole week, nor get ready to work…which she really missed. She missed going to the Hard Deck and seeing everyone. She wondered if Rooster didn’t miss it either, after all he did go there even before he met her. She hoped…she wasn’t holding him back from having fun with his friends because of her sprained ankle, she didn’t want him to hold himself back from going out.

She’d ask him when he came back.

-

“Babe!” he calls as soon as he enters his apartment, already toeing out his boots  “I’m back and I brought take out!” He looks around the living room to see Jolene lying on his couch chewing her sock monkey but no Beatrice in sight.

He frowns, reaching down to greet Jolene with a pet then dropping the take out on his kitchen table before he goes check his bedroom, seeing that Beatrice is so focused on doing something in her drawing book she probably hadn’t heard him. Her back is to the door, so Rooster bites his lower lip with a smile, slowly walking behind her and crawling onto the bed, his head hovering above her shoulder to check what she was drawing.

It looked like a picture of a deer in the middle of the forest, she was still coloring it, but it already looks beautiful. “Hey.” he calls on her ear softly, making Beatrice yelp in surprise and fall back on his chest with her eyes wide when he wraps his arms around her waist. He couldn’t help but laugh at her startled self, kissing her cheek apologetically, “I’m sorry baby, you didn’t answer me when I got in so I got worried. I couldn’t help myself.”

Beatrice narrows her eyes playfully at him, but then she smiles, tilting her head to kiss his lips, “I forgive you.” she says sweetly, pecking him one last time, “Because you are cute.”

“I like that reason.” he coos, moving from behind her to sit right next to her on the edge of the bed, smiling when he noticed how her feet still hovered a few centimeters above the floor unlike his. “How’s your ankle?”

She hums, lifting the bandaged ankle a bit higher, “It’s doing better, I can limp a bit. So that’s always good.” she puts her drawing supplies aside so her lap is free of anything that could fall to the ground, her hands squeezed between her thighs, “How was your day?”

Rooster chuckles, leaning back on his hands as he sighs, “Fine, the usual.” he gives her a shrug “But I brought us take out.”

“Really?”

“From the Indian place you like so much,” he grins, enjoying her gleeful gasp “So I think we should get ready to eat because I am starving.” he pushes himself off the bed, fixing the black tee on his body before turning to Beatrice, “C’mere.”

“Don’t you think I should try and walk to the kitchen–” he picks her up before she could finish the sentence, hugging his neck and laughing as he carries her bridal style.

“No.” he chuckles, carrying her all the way to the kitchen and sitting her down on a chair, kissing the top of her head, “I would be a terrible boyfriend if I allowed that.” he says, opening his cabinets to grab plates as Beatrice pulled out the take out from the plastic bags, putting everything in the center before he sat down.

She ran her eyes over the black tee he wore with admiration, fighting back her little smile when he fixed the sleeve over his left bicep since it rolled up when he moved. She bit her lower lip with a smile before he could notice it, moving her gaze back to her plate as she opened the styrofoam containers for the two of them. “Ohh, Roos, these look so good.”

���I know, I stayed in line for a while to get it.” he says, cracking the soda cans open, “I wanted to surprise you.”

“Consider me pleasantly surprised.” 

“Well, I wanted to treat you.” he says, making her arch her eyebrow in question, “You know, just a dinner between the two of us.”

Beatrice leans on her palm with a little smile, “I don’t mind, I really like it.” she made another mental note to repay him in some way as soon as she got better. 

After Rooster turned on his playlist they finally started having dinner, chatting about nothing and everything at all, much like they always did. He said that when he posted the picture on Instagram he could hear Nat’s scream from his office and he was bombarded with texts from both her and Halo. Beatrice chuckles at his exasperated look when he said that Nat ‘hugged him so hard she probably popped his spine’ while rubbing his back to prove a point.

She had seen Halo and Nat’s comments on her picture and both sounded just as excited as Rooster said they’d be. She didn’t mind it, the other pilots’ comments were so sweet and supportive she couldn’t help but smile whenever she read them. She felt very welcome in this world she had no experience with.

Of course she worked at the Hard Deck and she knew some of the Navy personnel, but she wasn’t part of that whole universe before. She sometimes feared she was boring or lame compared to the others, one more reason why she feared getting closer to Rooster before…if she thought enough she could make a whole list as to why she felt so nervous about talking to him.

Was she glad he didn’t seem to mind? Yes, absolutely. Nevermind if sometimes she still got those feelings, but she never mentioned it to him. She’d rather not to, that’s something she got to work within herself, especially now that they were…well, official official. Something about sharing your relationship to the world really did something to her.

After dinner and after taking Jolene outside to go potty, Rooster said he was going to take a bath. Beatrice just smiled and nodded from the couch, watching him pull his black tee off, following the line of muscle ripple when he moved with interest.

He paused, then looked back over his shoulder, “I said I’m going to have a bath, babe.”

Beatrice smiled more, “I know babe, you just said that.”

“...okay let me rephrase that.” he balls the shirt in one hand, “We are going to have a bath together, right now.” 

“...Roos, what about the doctor's orders?”

“I’m not saying anything will happen.” he shrugs innocently, then groans, tossing his head back, “Bea, babe, my sweet angel, it’s just so we can spend time together, I haven’t touched you in…so long..” he says, 

 “Brad, you literally sleep behind me, touching my butt.”

“It’s not the same thing,plus soaking your ankle is helping it heal even faster.”

Considering his self restraint these past days, and it was a lot of self restraint, she considered his words with a tilt of her head. He also had a point on the soaking part, it was helping her ankle,”....well…okay.” She knew he was going to carry her to the bathroom so she didn’t even bother standing up, chuckling when he picked up bridal style and rushed to his bathroom.

Setting her on his counter as the bathtub filled, pouring some bath salts along the way as well, he turned back to check on her ankle “How’s it?” he asks while lifting and snapping the velcro open.

“Not bad, it hurts a little but it’s much less than before.” the swelling also went down a bit more, the redness of the bruise was now fading into her skin color instead. “I’ll be okay.” she smiles.

“Course you will,” he replies, cupping her chin to press a kiss to her lips, “You are strong as hell, you’ll get back in no time…now!” he shuts off the water when the bathtub is filled and there’s steam surrounding the two “It’s bathtime.”

She assures him she doesn’t need help undressing, but rolls her eyes when he does it anyway, telling her to lean on him if she needs to. He tells her to step in first because it’d definitely help her, not because he wanted to watch her ass as she turned around, “Roos,” she says softly, making him snap his gaze up as she holds his hand to get inside.

“Sorry, babe.” he isn’t sorry at all. “Give me some space, okay?”

Beatrice blinks, but pushes herself forward once she sits inside the bathtub, the warm water covering  up her shoulders, fluttering her eyes closed as she relaxes humming quietly to herself. She hears him move behind her, the quiet ‘ah that’s hot’ coming out of his mouth as the water splashes around them, his legs sliding on either side of her torso as he sits down behind her. “Okay, c’mere.”

She looks over her shoulder with her eyes squinted, the water reaches his chest and the middle of his biceps, the little smile on his face making her heart soar, “Where do I go, exactly?”

Rooster blinks, looking down at himself, “Well, here,” he says, pointing to his chest “You know, you lean back and relax?”  she squints her eyes even more, not believing him, “I can wash you.”

“Uh-huh and there are no ulterior motives, right?”

“Nope.”

“None?”

“Not a single one.” he says, but he drops his eyes down the expanse of her back for a second, “Promise.” Beatrice purses her lips with a smile but moves backward so her back presses against his chest, sighing softly. He grins, dropping his lips to the top of her head while his arms wrap around her shoulders, “Comfortable?”

“So far.” she says with her eyes closed, bringing her good knee up so it peeks from under the water. The warmth was working on her ankle, her eyebrows crinkled at a dull throb but it was much better than during the first times she did this, the inside of his thigh touching the outside of hers, “Are you?”

“I am very comfortable.” he says softly, brushing her hair to the side so he could press his lips on the slope of her shoulder, smiling against her skin, “See? Isn’t this nice?”

Beatrice smiles, opening her eyes to look back at him, “It is.” she whispers, “It’s very nice.” she was surprised at how he was controlling himself, just genuinely keeping her close so they’d relax. His playlist was still going, Private Eyes by Hall & Oates echoing through his apartment, Rooster humming along quietly behind her as he held her close, his legs coming up from under the water just like hers. 

She then purses her lips after a while, “Roos,” he pulls her closer to his chest, making a sound of interest, “...can I ask you something?” he mutters an ‘always’ against the skin of her neck, “Did you want to go to the Hard Deck?” Rooster stops his kissing to pull his head up, furrowing his eyebrows, “I mean…with the others?”

Bradley gives her a confused look with a smile on his lips, “What do you mean?”

“I mean…I’m not holding you from meeting them, right? Because I know you guys always meet at the Hard Deck after work.” she murmurs, “And, you guys are friends and if you want to go out and meet them that’s fine by me! Really! And I–”

He holds up a hand, dripping with water and shakes his head, “Okay, let’s pause for a second.” she lowers her eyebrows while looking up at him, “You aren’t preventing anything, Bea. I want to be here with you. They all understand why I’m not going…plus,” he smiles, cupping her chin to tilt her head up and kiss the tip of her nose, “It’s just not the same without you there.”

Beatrice’s cheeks turn red, but she’s still frowning, “I just don’t want to prevent you from meeting them all.”

“Bea,I see them almost every day.” he says with a shrug, “Plus if I ever dared to step on the bar without you I’m sure Penny would kick me out so I could stay here.” he smiles, tucking a strand of wet hair behind her ear, “I want to be here, babe. That’s why I suggested you stay.”

The brunette looks away diminutively, a smile slowly forming over her lips as she takes in his words. “I’m sorry, that was pretty dumb of me to think.”

“It wasn’t dumb,” he tells her quickly, “You aren’t dumb, you just worry.” Bradley leans back on the tub so she could lie even more against his chest, drawing random patterns on the wet skin of her upper back, “Okay?”

Beatrice flushes even more, pressing her cheek to his wet chest with her smile widening, “...okay.” she says, leaning up to kiss his lips, chuckling when he tries to deepen it, his hands sliding down towards her waist “Brad,” she lifts her sprained ankle for his eyes to see “Remember?”

He huffs, dropping his forehead on her shoulder only to sigh loudly, “Right, gotta heal up first.” she giggles, watching him grab one of the body washes she brought from home, glaring at the label in a way it made her laugh even more. “Let me distract myself before I just forget how to act.”

[skania]

Warning really long read SORRY! I'm new to the fandom I started by watching episode 1 but dropped it for weeks until I saw reels comments and pictures going crazy with Akane. I picked it back up and started the manga after, Akane and Aqua of course became my favorite characters as I was able to personally connect with them through struggles I also faced. Your post have been very helpful as theres not to many places that aren't filled with negativity surrounding these two characters. These two characters have struggled so much and I can see how much they've come to truly care for each other especially when no one else was there. I wanted to share my thoughts with you but hesitated because I feel like they might not make sense. If it doesn't make sense please dont share I'll understand lol

"Kurokawa Akane is a child who takes you there Arima Kana is a child who brings you back"

This tweet from august 2021 from the author Aka Akasaka has alot of people trying to figure out the meaning, many interpret it and paint Akane in a bad light. When I first saw read it I just found it wierd how it was worded and how everything Akane has done for Aqua is always misinterpreted and they try to make her look as a bad person when she's actually far from it. It really got me thinking and this is my interpretation..

In chapter 51 we see how Akane has figured out the twins could possibly be Ai's secret child she got from her character analysis assumptions. She saw how badly it still affects Aqua and sympathized with him she herself knows the feeling of not wanting to worry others trying to take on the burden by yourself, she knows he cant talk to no one about the incident since it would expose Ai's secret. Akane truly cares about Aqua wanting to be the one by his side and helping him share his pain wanting to take her role of his girlfriend more seriously.

That specific tweet came out august 5 2021 the same day chapter 52 was released. The title of chapter 52 is called "boyfriend girlfriend" and at the beginning the editor note says "Where and how is Akane looking after the sick Aqua?" The chapter starts with Akane cooking a full course meal for Aqua and everyone there. We see the director and his mom complimenting her cooking then the directors mom says something that catches my attention she says "AQUA-KUN! SHE'S A KEEPER, HON! EATING DELICIOUS FOOD IS HAPPINESS ON ITS OWN YOU KNOW?" We then see Akane trying to feed Aqua but he ends up eating on his own we see him thinking its good and even blush alittle. During that time Akane is thinking to herself how she wants to help Aqua with his pain/burden just like he had saved and supported her. After we see Aqua lighten up allowing her see old acting videos of his she finds out from the director how he's been having his PTSD attacks when he acts and remembers his past experiences like earlier that day. She notices his performances are prepared in advance with no emotion behind his acting. Akane then asks Aqua why he's doing theater/acting work as its connected to his trauma. He tries saying she wouldn't understand and won't tell her why but after telling him how hes being contradictory he opens up and says well "What If My Goal Was To Kill Someone?" And how the person was high up in the entertainment world had to keep climbing in order to kill them he then asks her "What Would You Do Then?" Aqua was expecting her to not understand him and probably a negative reaction but to his surprise Akane replies "I'd Kill Them With You." with a smile making his negative emotions go away from his eye and even telling her not to say that lightly. Akane acknowledges if it's him he must have a reason and even if hes truly evil she'd still accept him for who he was. She says how she'd happily carry the sin even if the relationship was only for business purposes making Aqua say she out her mind. Akane then says how she wants his help as her boyfriend against kana and himekawa as she doesn't want to lose and Aqua realizes he should help her as her boyfriend. Even tho Aqua knows emotional acting is hard for him he's willing to practice and take it more seriously to help Akane.

After reading many assume its about the revenege part but i don't think thats it..yes aqua does mention it but he never actually asked her to help him though out the duration of thier relationships Akane finds the dad by coincidence. That chapter shows how they are getting closer and wanting to support each other. So i started thinking about the editors note and what the directors mom had said "Where and how is Akane looking after the sick Aqua" shes cooking for him to make him feel better and it did! The directors mom says how eating delicious food can make you happy and though out the whole manga the word "HAPPY" has always been associated with Akane and Aqua. Even in chapter 50 before his PTSD attack when thinking about happy memories his first thought was Akane related then Kana then the idol group. In every star eye color change he's had Aqua has thought of her as part of his happiness!='( So i was think what if the tweet maybe meant "Akane will take him to Happiness" because we actually already saw she did and he was fighting so hard not wanting to leave it but had no choice to protect her. Aqua is no longer there so thats when I started thinking about Kanas part. After recent chapters i started thinking what if Kana is going to help Aqua get back with Akane in the end. I'm thinking how tho then when I think bout how she's so similar to sarina and Ai what if she confesses to Aqua making him finally understand how he truly feels. The reason i also think this is because in the play arc when princess Saya(played by akane) dies Tsurugi(played by kana) helps in bringing her back to life and reuniting with Touki(played by Aqua). The play has alot of similarities to characters and even to the story you can link stuff together. In the Spur interview mengo says how Aka is a demon of analysis and objectivity.

So to end this my interpretation of the tweet is "Kurokawa Akane is a child who takes you there(Happiness) Arima Kana is a child who brings you back(to akane)"

Hi anon, welcome to the fandom! I wonder how many of us would've dropped ONK if it weren't for Akane and Aqua 😂

Thank you for sharing your theory with me! You explained it very well, so please don't worry about it! I have to admit that it has never occurred to me to read Aka's quote that way, my own read erred on the side of caution. But I mean, if we're here to ship, we may as well have fun while we're at it, right? And your take is so much fun! It's truly a Galaxy Brain interpretation of Aka's statement, and I can only imagine how many minds would be blown by it.

It really is funny how many people interpreted that statement to imply something negative about Akane, when Aka never said that had to be the case 😂

I'm thinking how tho then when I think bout how she's so similar to sarina and Ai what if she confesses to Aqua making him finally understand how he truly feels.

I've been thinking something similar!

The reason i also think this is because in the play arc when princess Saya(played by akane) dies Tsurugi(played by kana) helps in bringing her back to life and reuniting with Touki(played by Aqua). The play has alot of similarities to characters and even to the story you can link stuff together.

Yes!! I'm expecting that scene to be foreshadowing as well. We'll just have to wait and see how Aka plays it out 😂

[lizard-shifter-noms]

Still Subject to Change Chapter 12 (NEW)

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Hello everyone! i decided to repost arc 1 of SSTC

(the chapters were way too long and had a bunch of typos but hopefully this will make reading easier)

this Story contains Vore, Dont like dont read.

if there are still any grammatical errors i’m sorry.

——————————————————————————

Making my mind up I turned back to Oakley and twisted the gem to turn back into the smallest form which was a bit difficult given that I now had an extremely short thumb like thing that was half covered in fur.

“Can I come back later? I do want to take your offer, i really do, but i promised to bring them back to Kamerasca and i still plan on doing that”

He nodded and tilted his head back into a normal position shuffling his wings a bit closer to his body.

“Keeping promises is important so of course you can come back later! This isn't a one time offer i'm not an asshole so take your time, i'll still be here even in a week or two, no need to rush”

I was relieved to hear that, but we still didn't really know what direction we had to go in to get to Kamerasca.

“Say, do you know the way? To Kamerasca i mean, we got kinda lost”

He nodded and rummaged for a second in his green patterned cloak before taking out a round metal object.

“Here this will help, you just have to go south south east then you should find it and to get back to me just go north north west”

He Handed me the metal thing and I could see that it was an extremely well made compass in an expensive looking hull that seemed to be made out of actual steel.

“I- Thats- Thank you! That's really useful! But it looks very expensive. 

Are you sure you want to give that to me? You already gave me the bracelet”

He nodded and fished out at least three more of the compass out of his cloak, all held together by a thin but sturdy rope.

“I have lots of em, giving one out isn't gonna do anything to me, now you should probably get on the move i'm sure you can cover some ground until it's dark, it's only midday after all”

He was right, we had spent the majority of the morning here and still had plenty of time to cover some distance.

Walking back to the Humans I saw that Robin had once again made about a dozen flower crowns and planted some on the head of Arthur and was About to put one on Rikaad’s head.

Rikaad bowed his head in front of the smaller boy who then slowly put the flowers on his head.

It kind of looked like a coronation and had to smile, It was kinda funny that Rikaad just let Robin do whatever.

Suddenly Robin's head whipped around and a huge smile plastered onto his face as he saw me.

“Donovan! Do you want a flower crown too?”

He held one up that was made of lots of daisies and I nodded.

“Sure! You're good at making them”

He carefully put it on my head and it fit perfectly.

“Oh also! Oakely showed me how to use the bracelet and gave me a compass so we could find Kamerasca”

I held up the metal object for them to see and I could see Arthur face light up at the prospect of getting home soon, while Rikaad was as professional as ever even with the flowers on his head.

“That is very good news, i say we pack our belongings and start moving”

Rikaad had already put his small bag over his shoulder and tossed Arthur his as i was now unable to put it in my pockets as a human sized being.

Oh wait, I could fix that, but I probably should ask first to avoid scaring them half to death by suddenly shifting.

“I could go Giant again and carry those? Oakley let me have the Bracelet so i can shift whenever”

At the mention that I was now able to switch forms whenever I wanted Robin's eyes lit up and he bounced a bit on his feet.

“Can you turn back into the green kitty? It looked so cool!”

All of us gave him a weird look and he pouted before grabbing some more of his flower crowns.

“Maybe later, i don't have pockets in that form”

Going a few steps back I turned the gem and grew back to about thirty feet tall give or take as I had nothing to actually measure myself with.

“Ayo what the hell, this is really weird”

“Arthur you literally have seen this before if anyone should freak out about this it would more likely be me”

Rikaad was right, he'd never actually seen me shift before whereas Arthur and Robin have as they were there when I first grew into a giant.

Robin seemed completely unbothered by it, just smiling and holding his multitude of flower crowns.

Speaking of flower crowns, the one he gave me had stayed on my head till now but was still normal sized so when I moved my head a bit it slid down my front where I managed to catch it.

It was way too small now to properly wear but I probably could put it on a finger.

The only finger it fit on was my pinky finger but I put it there nonetheless even if it would probably fall off soon.

Picking up the bags and stuffing them in my pockets, I took out the compass again only to realize that it was too small to properly read now.

One of the smaller men would have to direct us then, but I pondered who I should give it to.

Probably Rikaad, he seemed the most responsible of the three and I was sure he wouldn't end up accidentally destroying it.

So bending down again I held my hand out to him, presenting the comically small looking item to him.

“I can't read it, it's too small right now can you lead with it? Oakley said we had to go south south east to get to Kamerasca”

He carefully took it and held it up to his face, determining which way to go.

“I will try my best as a navigator, for now we have to go back into the woods across the clearing”

He started walking in the direction he had pointed at a few seconds ago and all of us followed him.

As we went past the stump Oakley was still standing there waving.

“Safe journey! I know the woods can be a pain in the ass sometimes!”

He was grinning hugely and suddenly Robin went up to him with his dozens of flower crowns in hand and put one on his head, This one contained some daisies and violets but also some nice yellow buttercups before he ran up to me.

Oakley looked confused for a second and touched the crown, going a bit cross eyed from trying to look at his own head but went back to smiling immediately, showing off his fangs.

“Thank you! What pretty blossoms! I wish you well, little human!”

I could swear that his tail was subtly wagging behind his cloak but chose not to comment on it, and everyone else just said their version of bye and waved.

We crossed the threshold of the trees and I turned around one last time waving at the weird nonhuman.

“See you Donovan! I will try to find the scriptures about Ardua so when you come back I can tell you more!”

He spread his wings and flew up into the air and out of sight towards his little hut where he disappeared inside.

“What did he mean by that? Do you have to come back to return the compass?”

Robin looked up at me confusedly, right, I hadn't told them that I was going back here once I brought them to Kamerasca.

“Oh right, since going back to… any Kingdom really, is a bad idea as i’ll just be killed im going to come back here after i bring you guys to Kamerasca”

He suddenly had a downcast expression and looked at me with sad, pleading eyes and i felt a pang as i realized yes this is my friend, and i was going to have to leave him for my own safety.

I knew it was for the best but I couldn't help it, the feeling of loneliness would be back even when living with Oakley i knew something would be missing.

“Do you have to? Maybe we can convince the guards that a giant would be great for the troops? Or just have you protect something? Like a field or-”

“Robin you know that's not going to work, the King would lynch us all”

I looked to Rikaad who had spoken, his face stoic and focused on the path forward.

“I don't know what exactly the kings problem is with Fae folk that he hates them that much, but i do know that just because some Guard apprentices want to convince them that what they believed to be dangerous for their entire lives won’t make them change their minds”

He was of course right, but I did wonder what could lead to someone hating on an entire species this badly.

I would never know, and I would also never have to see him, which I was glad for as I didn't want to be scrutinized by such a hateful mind.

“Soooo we just go home after all this and then what? Go back to normal? I don't really think i can do that after this weird misadventure”

Arthur had a point, what WOULD i do once this was over? Live with Oakley sure, but what would I do? Just sleep? 

“I don't know, but for now getting you back to Kamerasca is the best option, the woods are no place for humans”

The slowly healing and scarring over wounds from the manticore on Arthur's side proved that on its own already, but combined with the fact that they didn't even know what plants were safe to eat and which ones would kill them it was a recipe for disaster.

I was very aware that only my presence as a Giant kept some of the smaller creatures away so I would make sure to stay big to protect the smaller humans.

The short conversation had left us all in a slightly bitter mood as we all realized our collective time together was coming to an end soon.

After about half an hour someone did break the silence.

“I think we should look for a place to camp overnight”

It was once again Rikaad breaking the silence with the suggestion of doing something completely reasonable, so we did just that and ended up setting the camp under some trees.

Putting some logs into a heap for a fire after I scared off some other weird creature that looked like someone had crossed a badger with a squirrel I made sure to stay close to the others in case there were more.

As the sky grew darker and no more creatures appeared I laid on my side, as close to the humans- no, my friends as I dared.

It was weird, actually considering someone as a friend after being so long alone but i couldn't say that i hated it.

Still, feeling Robin sleepily snuggle up to me as the night grew a bit colder I knew that I'd miss being with people.

I still was going to go to Oakley after this was over but he was a weird hermit and i only would because he was looking for more information on Ardua and i didn't want to be completely alone in the wilderness, Any company was better than none.

Falling asleep next to the smaller body of Robin i was sure Rikaad and Arthur could handle the first shift watching, switching between sizes had made me more exhausted than I had initially realized and walking hadn't helped that at all.

I knew if something was the matter they'd wake me up or just shout loudly, besides both of them could hold their own pretty well, especially Rikaad.

I slept until about midnight, a deep dreamless sleep that was interrupted by Rikaad poking at my elbow, it was now my turn to take watch.

The silence of the night was weird, nobody spoke and was even trying to be extra quiet as the other two went to sleep, leaving me and a Quietly complaining Robin in the pale moonlight.

It was colder now, not as cold as those first few nights but still a bit chilly and I guessed it was because of the missing sunlight that would have warmed the earth at day.

Just sitting there in the silence of the night was weirdly calm, and even a bit relaxing.

Feeling something slump against my leg I looked down to see that Robin had fallen back asleep and was using me as an oversized pillow.

I debated whether or not to wake him up but ultimately decided against it.

If he was this tired i would let him sleep, Besides, I could keep watch over the camp myself.

After about two hours it was starting to get really boring, So to keep me from falling asleep I decided to mess with the Bracelet.

Gently moving Robin to lie on the Floor i went a few steps away to avoid waking anyone or accidentally destroying parts of the camp.

I wondered that since turning the gems once around themselves was what let me shift what would happen if I only turned them halfway.

Would I just shift anyway? Or stay as I was? Only one way to find out.

Hesitantly and slowly I turned the bottom gem about halfway before I stopped.

For about a second nothing happened, then I felt my muscles and bones shifting again.

But not as much as they would have to turn fully into the Ardua.

Inspecting myself I saw that the only things that had changed were that my nails had grown into claws and I had the lion esque tail swaying behind me.

A twitching motion out of the corner of my eye also told me that my ears had grown longer and were covered in greenish fuzz, and I wondered what my face looked like now.

Sadly I did not have a mirror but I could feel that my fangs had grown a tiny bit and were poking over my bottom lip.

It was kinda funny and I wondered what else I could do.

So I went to turn it again only to find that I couldn't turn it further than it was.

Oh fuck.

I really hoped I hadn't just somehow managed to break the thing.

Frantically trying to turn either of the gems fully did not work and I had to accept that I was now stuck in this weird half form of beast and man.

Of course leave it to me to break it on the day I learned how to use it.

At least I still had opposable thumbs even if I was sure that the entirety of my hair had a greenish tint now.

Panicking was not gonna help me, and I was sure I had at least another two hours to figure out how to fix this.

Trying again and again to turn either of the gems in the direction they were supposed to just proved that they were stuck very thoroughly.

I even tried turning the other gems that did not really have anything to do with the two main gems, hell I ended up pressing them like buttons too hoping that would somehow fix it.

In the end it was all futile and I was still stuck being a fuzzy half man half beast.

Since fixing it didn't work even if i had tried for over an hour to revert back to normal realized it would be day soon and the others would see that i had fucked up.

For a brief moment I wondered if I could keep it a secret but the fact that my ears were now even longer and fuzzy as well as the tail would give it away immediately so that was not an option.

I wondered how exactly I should tell them that I was now stuck as a giant, again.

I bet Arthur would either laugh or hate it, maybe both, and Robin would love the fuzzy tail.

I couldn't predict how Rikaad would react though and I kinda dreaded telling him, he was still the one i knew the least about, and he was the scariest too.

At the end just telling the truth was probably the best option but I would put it off until someone asked, maybe I got lucky and no one would question it more than to point out that I had a tail now.

And after that I could go back to Oakley and ask him for help.

I just hoped he wouldn't get angry about it but from the short amount of time i had known him it was more likely that he would cackle at me and then fix it.

Glancing over the sleeping forms of the humans I felt myself grow a bit sad again but shoved the feeling away.

I could be sad when I was alone again and on my way to Oakley’s home.

Well my home also in the near future, which was weird to think about so i didn't.

Tossing some more logs into the fire and sitting back down next to it I stared at the moon.

It was strangely peaceful, aside from that weird creature from before nothing else had tried to come close, probably afraid of the giant that guarded the smaller humans.

It would now only be one or two hours until sunrise and I could see that my breath came out as small puffs again, indicating that it had once again gotten colder over the course of the night.

I tossed a few more pieces of wood into the gently crackling fire to make sure the others wouldn't be cold.

Then I went back to just staring at the surroundings, keeping an eye out for everything that might dare come close and tossing wood on the fire when I saw it got smaller.

As the sun finally began to rise and I felt the first sunbeams hit our camp Rikaad got up, startling me with how he could just awaken at this exact time while everyone else would have continued sleeping.

Seemingly not a trace of tiredness on his face he looked at me and did a double take seemingly confused at my new appearance.

Apparently deciding that whatever I did with the bracelet was my problem he left to go wake up Arthur.

Following his lead I went over to Robin and gently nudged him with a finger.

“Robin? Wake up, it's morning time to move”

He rolled over and mumbled something I couldn't understand, if it even was words at all and not just displeased sounds at having to get up.

Trying again to wake him up I rolled him over onto his back telling him again to get up.

“Sun is out, get up we have to go”

He finally blinked owlishly at me before noticing my ears and clumsily getting up.

“Why are your ears like that? Wait, are they fluffy? Can I touch them? Ohh you got the cat tail too!”

As expected he was overjoyed at my new traits and I bent down to let him touch one of my fuzzy ears.

“Fine, just don't yank it or you can carry your stuff yourself”

He nodded and carefully went to touch the fuzz on my half shifted ears with gleaming eyes.

“So soft! It's like the coat of a lamb!”

I had to admit that seeing him so happy about something so mundane made me smile, and having tiny hands gently massage my ears felt weirdly nice, not that I'd ever tell anyone that.

Though we still had to continue traveling, I cautiously stood back up much to the dismay of Robin who then opted to try and get my tail in his grip.

Ignoring his attempts for now and holding the appendage just out of his reach, I went to put all of their stuff that they didn't really need for now in my pockets.

Looking over to where the other two humans were standing I saw them checking the compass to make sure we were still headed in the right direction.

At our approach they both turned to us and I could see Arthur's brain stopping to work for a few seconds as he noticed my new features before his expression turned into an amused smile as he saw Robin attempting to grab my tail.

Speaking of that, I stopped holding the appendage out of his reach so he could finally grasp at it which sent a weird sensation across my nervous system.

My brain told me that it was a ghost sensation of something not actually there even though it was.

Yeah this would take some getting used to.

Ignoring Robin as he climbed onto the topside of my tail holding onto it like a baby opossum as I let it rest on the forest floor.

Looking at Rikaad who had stopped staring at the compass, I offered my hand palms up to take their bags if they wanted.

Both of the smaller men handed me their luggage with a small thanks and I stashed it in my pockets to keep my hands free.

“We should keep going, just standing around won't get us any closer to home”

So, following Rikaad we went towards South south east, past places i hadn't seen before.

We traveled for about two more days but something just felt…off.

The closer we got the colder it seemed to get, so much so that it had started snowing overnight again.

And it seemed that I wasn't the only one that had started to worry about it.

“You are SURE that we are going in the right direction? Because i don't think it should fucking snow during Spring!”

Yep, the colder environment had made Arthur a bit more Snarky, or at least exaggerated his use of curse words.

“Well yeah, we are going in the direction Oakley told me I don't know why the weather is so weird, maybe it wasn't really the start of spring and instead just a few weirdly warm weeks?”

Nobody looked really convinced at my words and i kinda wished that those Fucks from Maringand hadn't taken the Boarpelt Robin had used to keep warm those first few nights.

At least I still had my handkerchief, even if the roughly woven fabric wasn't exactly thick it was insulating enough to trap at least some warmth.

That and two people fit under it so sharing warmth was also an option even if most of the time Robin was the only one using it.

For Arthur it was Probably pride that kept him from taking the offer to share, as for Rikaad… well I didn't know but it did not seem like he needed it.

Aside from myself the cold affected him the least so he was probably fine, even if it still got colder and colder the closer we got to our destination.

It had gotten to the point where the snow didn't melt anymore even during the day and I let Robin use my Handkerchief as a sort of warm cape wrapped around him.

At least the fuzzy tail had an actual use now as a windshield and source of warmth even if I didn't dare bring it too close to the campfires we made.

Randomly going up in flames was not how I wanted to die.

And so far i had been lucky that no one asked why i was in this weird half form as i still hadn't managed to turn either of the gems fully and remained stuck in this weird form.

On the plus side at least having fuzzy ears prevented them from freezing off my head as icicles.

“How far do you think it is now? Oh maybe you could hold me above the trees again and then I'll see it?”

While Robin's idea wasn't bad I was worried that the now harsher winds would blow him out of my hands.

“I'm not sure, what if you fall? The winds have gotten stronger those last few days and i'd rather not have you break your neck from falling”

He nodded and curled back under the cloth while trying to snuggle closer to my chest for warmth, seemingly not disappointed much.

“Hey, can any of you try to find dry firewood? Most of it what i found was soaked through from snow”

Looking over I saw that Rikaad was right, the clearing we had stopped had sparse vegetation, with only some sad looking leafless shrubs between the widely spaced tree trunks.

So I went to try and find some Wood to feed the meager flickering embers that Arthur was desperately trying to keep lit.

PREVIOUS / NEXT / OVERSIGHT

[tommy-thomas]

Sintax error AU- Chapter 1. Part 3.

Uncommon ally

Alphys, papyrus and undyne stand still, looking at the foreing placed door. The more undyne looked at it, the more she felt uneasy.

Something about that door, other than the fact it wasnt even supposed to be there in the first place, made a cold sweat go down her neck

"Since when theres a door here?" She asks

"It looks weird..." papyrus asked, looking just as nervous as her

"I found it has been some weeks, but thats not what i wanted to show" Alphys aproaches the door, opening it

Inside theres an impossible pitch Black void. Its sight filled undyne with a weird sensation. The felling of dread, and hopelessness

"Its inside it, i want you two to take a look at"

Undyne hesitates for a moment, not sure about entering whatever that was. She could fell papyrus behind her, waiting for her move.

As the Royal captain, she could not show fear, specially not in front of papyrus.

Holding her head high, she got trought the door, alphys and papyrus right behind

Inside there was an impossible big room, lit dimly even tho no light were able to be seen.

The room is filled with a variety of objects. A table with sealed flasks, the remainer of the content still on the bottom of each. A shelf filled with old cassete tapes. A broken glass dome sat in a table, burned papers on its side, an old bookshelf, and at last, a giant computer screen, connected to several other computer bases.

"What is this place?" Undyne asked, felling uneasy but morbidly curious. Everything seemed to move on its own, not always looking quite right.

As if not even the objects knew exactly where they should be.

"My recurring theory is that this place is some sort of pocket dimension, but i am not sure" Alphys around the room, wobbling around sure of her path "since i found this place, i have come quite frequently"

Papyrus looks around, tiping his hat nervous

"This place fells weird..." his voice trembles with uncertanty

"And how will this place help us exactly?" Undynes walk to the table with the flasks, taking one filled with a thick Black goo, looking at everything moving started to make her fell sick. Focusing on something would prevent the felling to get worse

"I dont know yet" alphys said, her voice sounded far

"You dont?!" Undyne put the flask down, trying to locate alphys, withouth success

"Not yet" she grabs a book off the bookshelf, briging it for undyne to see.

"This place have tons of book and reports, all filled by hand from someone unnamed"

She opens the book showing to undyne. The pages have long turned yellow, the ink faded leaving but a small trace of its existence.

"Whoever they were" alphys continues "made hundreds of books around the study of human and monster souls, mostly of it is in an old alphabet. I have been in the work of translating some of it"

Undyne takes a closer look. The ink appears do make some scriptures, made out of a diverse range of drawings. She couldnt read any of it, or even think how this could mean something

"I have only been into a small portion of it, but have already found a lot of new information" alphys closes the book, her blue eyes looking deep into undyne's "if i have extra help, im sure we can find something useful"

Undyne hold her breath. There it is, the woman she fell in love with. Pure determination flamming inside those deep blue eyes.

"You can count on us"

Suddenly, all the computer bases lit up, beeping with life. The giant screen lit showing only a small message

[ i n s e r t d t ]

Bent onto the keyboard was papyrus, his head down, hat on the buttons, not looking well

"Papyrus!" Undyne rushes to him, cursing to herself for leaving him alone

She grabs papyrus by the shoulder

"Paps? Are you ok?" He raises his head, confused and appearing sick.

"Ugh.. " He mutters, putting his hand on the head " evrything.. spinning"

Undyne holds him, sitting him carefully on the ground, keeping close. She wasnt the only one felling sick with this place.

"Papyrus you're a genius!" Alphys runs to them, shoving the hat to the side uncovering a small little hole that glowed strongly.

"I didnt knew it could be turned on!" Alphys looks at the buttons and screen in a misture of surprise and excitement, a smile plastered on her face

"Alphys-" something felt really off, as much as undyne didnt wanted to admit, she was scared.

This place wasnt suppose to exist, she could fell in her soul. The longest they stayed, the stronger it felt

"What is dt..?" Papyrus muttered, his eyes locked at the screen

"Its--" alphys began, but was cut Short by another voice

"Ị̑t̖͊s͙̔ ͎̋b̲̄ṷͮt͍̅ ̫͆t̗͛h̤ͯe͚ͮ ͉̄m̮̾o͓ͫs͎̅t͙̆ ̠̓ị̓m̘̑p̫͂o̮̔r͙̍t͕̾a͉͛n̰ͣt͔ͣ ͙̓t̖̅h͔̽i̝̎n͌ͅg̺̿ ̱̊ò̮f̥̂ ͎̑o̥ͥu̦ͫrͦͅ ̰͗e̘ͦx̳͗i̫͛s͕ͩt̮́êͅn͉̆c̟͊e̥͌!" A robotic squeaky voice boomes, the screen turns into a horrendous laughing face

Plant roots filled with thorns materialized around the screen, wobbling around withouth any type of sense.

In a single second hesitation, undyne evoked her Spear, pushing alphys back pointing at the screen ready for attack

"W̱͑ȍ̩ȁ̟h̞ͧ ̳̽w̼̿o̲̍ ̤̚ẁah there captain haha" the face boings around the screen, as if to imitate trembling, putting its roots up "no need go get a͓̽ ̜ͨg͎ͬ ͕̇r͇̒ ̘ͭe̤̓ ̖̉s̲̈ ̪̉s̹̋ ̘́i̞ͯ ͖̑v̫͒ ̰̃ȅ̩ ̬̀ now do we?"

"As MUCH as id love to smash your faces, i am here to simply talk" the face smiles, putting the roots down

"Who are you? What are you?! Are you in change of this place?!!" She demands loudly, putting her spear closer to the screen

It smiles smugly

"Howdy! Im Flowey, Flowey the flower! And i am here to help you guys!"

"Im sure y'all must be confused, but trust me. You're all going to love i have to say"

Is smiles confidently, undyne was more thsb ready to explode that thing in half out of pure spite

"Let him talk" papyrus says now standing up, he still looks weak, but his intentions are filled with anger

Undyne bites her lips, but lower the weapon

"Speak then, flowey"

"Finally, was felling a bit treathed back there!" it laughs, patting the roots on the ground

"Anyway- i know you guys are trying to find a way to.. well, kill the human"

"And dont get me wrong, i totally support killing that piece of shit. Buut you guys will never succeed at this rate." It snarks

"So, i decided to give a little help. By telling you guys where to actually start. Which iss-"

It moved the roots, poiting at the tiny shining hole

"Right here!"

It smiles proud of itself, ankward silence remains

"Ok i heard enough" undyne brings her weapon up again, ready to jam it on the keyboard

"heyͬ ͒h̓E̲̔Y̭ͤ ̣̍H̱̊Ė͚Y̜͋ ̘͗H̤͛E̼͐ỴͨH̬͆Ḛ̎Ȳ̮H͂ͅE̗̒Y͕̓ ̣̾N͈ͯO͔͂ ͓̌N͔ͭḘ̑E̘̓D͕ͧ ̩͊T͍ͯŌ͓ ̠ͧG͓̿É͓T͕͒ ̝ͩÂ̠G͔̽R̝̽E̲͊S̥͐S̱ͨǏ͙V̯̍E͇͌!̖ͦ!̯ͮ" The voice squeals, the face getting smaller trying to 'get away' of undyne

"Ī͉T̘̏ ͙̎M̱ͯA͖̽Y̱ͣ ̰ͩL̰͂O̦͐O͇̅K͙̎ ̰͒S̪͑T̼̍Ü͓P̟̌I͇ͭD̗ͨ ̦ͫḆͯU̼ͭT͓̅ ͖ͬL̻̓I̫͒S͛ͅT͉ͦE̳̚N͎͑.̓ͅ ̱ͣA͖ͫL͉̓L͓ͫ ̳ͦW̖͊Ė̦ ̻ͨN̺̔E̹ͧE͚̔Ď̺ ̼̄A̔ͅ ̺̔S̠̚M͍ͪA͍ͯḶͧL̃ͅ ̮̀L̠͌I̟̚Ṭ́T̮ͩL̙̈́Ē̟ ͕͋P̗̃I̦ͯE̦̓C̩̃E̝̎ ̫̎Ö̰F̦͂ ͆ͅT̺̐Ȟ̭E̮̎ ̦̓H͚̅U͔͋M̤ͥAͥͅN̫̍ ̙̍D̩ͤE̖̓T͙͐Ë̤́R͕̐M̞ͩI̫̔N̯͐Ả̭T̫́Ì̼O̝͒N̺ͯ,̳́ ̦̽T̗̍Ő͍ ͈̈́S̹ͪH͚̃ẠͦT̬͗T͉̾E͍͗R̯͌ ͚́İ̗T̤͆S̳̊ ͍ͪS̻̒O͎̿U̙͐L̞ͦ!!"

"Determination? Are you crazy?!" Alphys go in front of undyne, almost getting blastered making undyne jump back

"C̹ͧr͓ͫa̲ͯz̜̏ỹ̞?̘̀ ̞̅Ḿ̦a̩̿y͔̒b͔ͮe̙͗, l̯ͯȳ͉i̬ͦn͖̐g͕ͧ?̼̉ ̗̓N͖͛o̜̒t̟͑ ̘̔a͇̍t̗ͨ ͔ͦa̰̓l͇ͣl̰̏"

"Think with me. What's the only thing that can kill a human? Another human. But since we can't really get a human here, we just need something strong like one"

"But DT its stupidly hard to get, and my lab, even if i knew how to use the old machinery, is looked over 24/7 by the human. And even then we'd need to reach its soul!"

Alphys voice squeals as she get more and more agitated.

"Not exactly!"

"With only a drop of its blood, im sure we can get DT. As long as we drop it here"

Flowey points at the little hole again, grinning

"Still really hard to, dont you know what that thing is capable of?!" undyne sweat runs cold, what was that thing thinking?

"Oh i know silly" flowey snarks "thats why i will help to trap him if necessary. Of course i will be counting on you guys to bring him to the flower patch, on the ruins. To give the first attack and to do all the hard work, buuut im sure yall can handle it"

Flowey blinks it eyes rapidly, as if trying to imitate a cute face. Failing miserably

"Why should we trust you?"

Papyrus sound angry, he holds himself on undyne, who is more than happy to fell him close

"Ẉ̷͐h̴̭̀a̧̞̒t̨̗ͫ ̵̙̂o̥ͭ͟t̂͟ḧ̵́e͂҉r̢ͫ ̷̳ͭcͤ͜ȟ̷o̊͢i͌͠cͨ҉e̥͐͡ ̡͈̃dͥ͜o͒҉ ̭͆̕ỹ͡o̢̥̽u̵ͭ ͎ͫ͘h̸̤ͯa̛͌vͥ͏ē̴?͆͡" Flowey laughs as everything fades away

When they came back to their senses, they were back at the original door, now with the familiar floor and walls they were used to.

Papyrus promptly bends down and throws up, shaking like a bamboo stick.

Undyne assists, not really know what to do other than give support. She herself was confused and still processing what happened.

The face, that place, so many things felt off.

And flowey the flower didnt looked nothing like a flower

"Lets do this" alphys looks at them serious "theyre right, what choice do we have?"

"We may not have another choice for now-" papyrus cleans his mouth with the back of the hand "doesnt mean we wont find any other!"

"I dont trust that guy, not at all"

Hes angry, looking at undyne intensely

"Do you undyne?"

She blinks for an instant, thinking.

It is truth that the whole thing was a mess

That place made no sense in any type of way, and the weird giant talking computer.

Attacking the human... getting its blood. Even with help she was sure they couldnt make it, no way they could defeat the human.

Yet, something burned inside her.

The honor of a knight, the vow to protect no matter what. The weight she swore to carry, until her body turns into dust.

"I dont trust the 'flowey' guy, but shes right. We need to try"

Undyne set her hand on papyrus shoulder, trying to comfort him

"You dont need go come, it will be dangerous, suicidal, and you have a brother to come back to"

She smiles

"Its not a shame to go back"

Papyrus look at her with suprise at first, then anger, then understanding

"No we.. we need to do this together"

He looks at undyne, not a single doubt in his voice

"Its settled then" she gets up, looking at both of them " tomorrow night we reunite at papyrus house, be sure to not get followed"

They both nods in agreement and a knot get made on her stomach.

What if she just sealed their deaths?

[stayxlix]

AYY MOOTERS ON MOOTERS THEY KNOW HOW TO MOOT! TUTTER PULLING TO THE PARTY IN MY CRAZY PINK WIG!!!! BEST WRITER? BEST WRITER? BEEN A FAN SINCE PART ONE!

I was getting beaten to lunacy, depression, delusion, confusion even. I got the 1st grade knowledge beat out of me with this one, i couldnt count for a sec. My vision got all blurry, thought this was chapter 17 for a minute there👹

Bitch, out the gate you be coming in HARD. You know how to set the mood, I get scared for their asses! It feels like being on drugs or something (though i aint never been on drugs, but this is how i imagine it feels like👀) I visualize like I ain't ever visualized before, put on some music reading this at night, DAYUM🛐‼️

I reread this tasty ass story atleast once every week. It's tradition at this point.

1."The physical contact was grounding—you were grounding. A lifeline anchoring Felix to the reality he so desperately needed to return to." This fucked me up😪 So beautifully written!

2. "How he'd transformed from someone potentially willing to end your life, to someone committed to protecting it at all costs." Had to pause, take a breather, and look out my window to reflect on who I am as a person, then keep reading. Absolutely Precious.

3. "Some day," he dropped his voice, "When all of this is over, I'm going to carry you back into that palace." His lips found the curve of your jaw, trailing a heated path down. "I'm going to take my time with you, princess," he nipped at the sensitive skin on your neck, causing your core to flutter with anticipation. "And then," he whispered, "I'm going to lay the world at your feet." I was hyperventilating baby I couldn't breath for shit reading this 👀

4. "Minho sighed in annoyance, as if holding a conversation with you was some sort of burden. “I didn’t want to discuss it with the others,” he snapped." TIRED, TIRED OF THE WAY HE TREATS ME. (Jk lol I get his stress but chill out, damn.)

5. "You were always mine," Felix breathed, "before we met, before all of this, you were never their princess," he leaned in, pressing his lips to your forehead. "You were always mine.” I had to stop reading and get some water, my throat dried out.

6.“You can’t,” Felix emphasized. A distant look clouded his eyes, a flash of whatever it was that had crossed his features after the nightmare seemed to resurface. “You grew up with servants to meet your needs while the rest of us bled for every scrap of food and warmth. You can’t understand, y/n. And even if you could, it won't change who I am or what I've done. The blood on my hands will never wash away.” This is where the problem occurs. Cuz what are you implying? You ate this part so much you gotta be locked away like that one song. 🗣 IM LOCKED UP THEY WONT OUT, THEY WONT LET ME OUT IM LOCKED UP🗣

7. "Go collect your friend," the man waved a hand at the door, "I will shelter you for the night. You're young, exhausted, and it looks like you've been through quite a lot." I LOVE HIM ALREADY DAMMIT

8. You knew this would not last forever with him. Nothing ever does. And you wondered if you will ever be able to accept that, even when you no longer have a choice. But in that moment, Felix was there. You extended a hand, and he was warm. He was real, and he felt more like home than anything ever had. You loved him too, and it was a feeling you did not dare let go." MY HEART! RIPPED OUT MY CHEST! I CANT BREATH! IM SOBBING!IM DEVASTATED.

IM FEELING LIKE IM ON THE LAST BITE OF MAC AND CHEESE ON THANKSGIVING, IM GUTTED, I DONT WANT IT TO BE OVER!!

But as always, let me calm down and get a lil sensitive. I love you my pookie bear❤️✨️

Your adding some good into my world with this story that i really need. Its like the same day everyday for me, then out of the blue, you pop up and you give me something to look forward to.

Like most people, there's lots of things I need to be distracted from, and you do just that for awhile❤️ I appreciate this lil story more then you could know, and I always get SO happy seeing you posted a new chapter. I can tell how much passion and effort you put into this story, and I applaud you for that🫶❤️ Take your time, take care of yourself, and feel no pressure on when you need to put a new chapter out, YOU should always come first❤️ -👹

hihi my spicy little👹💕once again, i truly have no words for how thoughtful and sweet all of this is. im so grateful to have you with me on this journey (since part one, day ONE) and im so glad its been able to keep your interest after all these months.<3

"got the 1st grade knowledge beat out of me" literally had me CACKLING please!!😭✋ your excitement and the photos you send (which are hilarious too btw) always have me grinning from ear to ear. i swear my favorite part of reading feedback from you is that i will NEVER be able to predict whats coming next.😂 seriously though, im so glad youve been able to immerse yourself in the story like this (if we're being honest i definitely lose touch with reality a little bit when i get lost in writing it lol) but im so touched that it could evoke such a response in you too. (ps "i reread this tasty ass story atleast once every week. It's tradition at this point" might just be one of my favorite compliments ive EVER received about my writing. this is literally one of the nicest things you can tell someone who writes imo🥹).

MY HEART! RIPPED OUT MY CHEST! I CANT BREATH! IM SOBBING!IM DEVASTATED

(okay but why is this literally me reading any of your asks) this was also one of the most fun parts of the chapter to write omg. i love writing the end of a chapter so much that sometimes its the first thing i do.🤭

the detailed journey through each little part of the story that you go through in your asks always leaves me on cloud nine.!!! i love this so so much, i swear it does not get any better than when someone quotes the story back to me.<33 so thank you from the bottom of my heart for taking the time to share your thoughts on these specific moments. i loved reading every. single. one.💕

Had to pause, take a breather, and look out my window to reflect on who I am as a person I was hyperventilating baby I couldn't breath for shit reading this 👀 I had to stop reading and get some water, my throat dried out.

(also btw if it makes you feel any better i had a similar reaction to ALL of these after i typed them out. felix really does things to me, i probably need an intervention or some shit but here we are.🥹)

knowing that this story adds a touch of goodness to your world means more to me than i can ever express. :( im sorry to hear that you’ve got some challenges to face, but like you said i know we all do from time to time, so im just forever grateful that my writing can provide a little distraction for you in the midst of the everyday chaos.<3 (ps. if things ever get too rough, you know where to find me!!❤️)

okay okay i’m cutting myself off here, but i really do appreciate the little reminders to take my time and prioritize self-care too.<3 the way you express yourself is so unique, please never change. i love that you’re as insane and unhinged about this story as i am.🥹 as always thank you so much for the continued support, it is more appreciated than you could ever know.🤗💕

[tadpolesonalgae]

i was seeing some of the asks about cbmthy and i thought i could give some feedback since i started reading since the beginning. i hope this is actually helpful and not mean especially because there has been a couple already and i dont want to make you doubt or anything. but i agree that i thought the story would be more advanced by now. every time there's an update i'm waiting on The Talk with the ic about her powers or eris to happen, the set up for it was a few chapters back and azriel only gave her 2 weeks to train so i thought that would mean 1 or 2 chapters. i know its going to be a complete shitshow and that might be a bit scary to write but i think as long as the conclusion of it is good and makes sense it'll be fine, i also think you've done a good job of letting us see that no one is purposely hurting or ignoring her. i wouldnt say im surprised that there's not more azriel x reader scenes because i feel like the powers would have to be addressed first and also her hiding eris from the ic and her whole detachment from the ic in general. but i agree that there should be some building of chemistry because azriel was so mean to her at first that she'll need time and because she has more chemistry with bas and with eris

also this might be a me problem but sometimes when conversations or scenes are cut between chapters i'll have to go back and read because i forget some details. i wouldn't mind if a chapter is only 4k and the next 10k if that was what that specific scene needed. and i hope you don't think you have to rush anything, you can and should write at your own time - 🧶

‘every time there's an update i'm waiting on The Talk with the ic about her powers or eris to happen, the set up for it was a few chapters back and azriel only gave her 2 weeks to train so i thought that would mean 1 or 2 chapters.’

So, Az and reader have a discussion about that agreement at the start of part 12 (which i’m beginning to think maybe should have stayed at the end of part 11🫣) about her magic. I’m kind of re-editing it at the moment since obviously reader’s just been through something pretty intense so she’s still in shock and I don’t want Az to push too hard since he only saw the fighting kick up and not what started it 👀

I will say while we’re coming up for the chat with the IC and reader about Eris and her powers, there are still a few chapters to go. However, considering the feedback that’s been provided, I’ll try to cut out any unnecessary scenes? Or if there are additional parts, I’ll post them separately so people who want only the main storyline can keep up with the momentum!

‘i know its going to be a complete shitshow and that might be a bit scary to write but i think as long as the conclusion of it is good and makes sense it'll be fine’

I am scared to write it, particularly with how to divide up the chapters since I think if one part ends right after the discussion without getting to see the resolution then it could leave a foul taste in the mouth? I think maybe for that scene in particular I would like it to be a longer part just so nobody has to wait to find out what happens, and the tension and (hopefully) the fluidity remain intact? I’ll do some more thinking about it since it does scare me in case I mess it up?

‘but i agree that there should be some building of chemistry because azriel was so mean to her at first that she'll need time and because she has more chemistry with bas and with Eris’

I honestly hadn’t planned on properly building their relationship until reader starts being honest, otherwise their foundations would be insecure and I don’t think I’d be able to write that sort of instability well enough? I’m also hoping that people don’t mind getting to see Eris since he’s going to be returning—I wanted to give reader some time to thaw over what he told her, about only writing back when she’s ready to spar? I feel that for reader to respond fully she needs to be put in a stressful situation (seeing Bas briefly lose it being the trigger to push her into motion) which is why he briefly disappeared :)

‘and i hope you don't think you have to rush anything, you can and should write at your own time - 🧶’

I don’t feel like I have to rush anything but definitely it’s a good idea to keep on topic? I think the longer I leave it the more difficult it is to get back into the swing of things so I’m going to be writing more of part 12 this evening and get through that talk with Azriel :)

[tigerbears]

Searching for Beta readers for my Undertale/Deltarune fics?

So far I've just been asking my friends for beta reading but deciding to search for more wider beta readers in the fandom.

(Decided to do so after reading this guide)

I've currently got 2-3 2-4 beta readers working on the fic, though most of them are just basically people who read it earlier. The one who's been the best at beta-reading I think wont be able to keep up with my one chapter every two weeks schedule, (and I'm actually considering making that just the "minimum goal" and just having a more loose schedule) so sending this off to find more betareaders.

Here's some relevant info if your interested.

The current fic I'm working on is a Snowgrave fic, so expect it to be dark and full of some angst. I've so far got 5-6 9-10 chapters written, at various stages of drafts/betareading. Also some CW/TW so far for this fic: Anxiety, trauma, guilt, grief, gaslighting, panic attacks, emotional/psychological manipulation and abuse, physical abuse (Thorn Ring), mind control, and suicidal ideation (Crossed out the last one as it was only in older drafts. May return later though.) While reading let me know if I need to add more. Expect the rating to be in the "Teen And Up Audiences" range on AO3, or at least that's what I'm aiming for.

This snowgrave fic is going to be Suselle centric, at least for the first section. (What? Need some stuff to lighten the mood so it ain't 90% angst darkness. Maybe 55-60% angst/Darkness, and 40-45% hurt/comfort, and some gay Suselle things)

I have plans for less angstey/more fluffy fics in the future, so dont worry if you want you can just get in contact for when I have less... dark fics... For these fics, two examples I have are 1: "A kind of ambitious post-pacifist Undertale fic I've always wanted to write that I'm waiting until I get some experience for" 2: "A few Deltarune prequel fics set before Dess's disappearance, the main one being about Noelle realizing she's trans because I love the headcanon and wanted to do my own take." (EDIT: Think if I'm ever writing this, I think I'm going to make this fic broader/not just Noelle centric. Probably going to start with Kris coming out as enby to Azzy.) Generally for my fics I'm aiming around the "General Audiances/Teen And Up Audiances" rating on AO3.

I just want some general beta reading for the fics I write. (just generally on everything). However, one thing I'm going to be looking for in later fics is anyone under the non-binary umbrella willing to do sensitivity reading. I plan for the Post pacifist UT & DR prequel fics to go into Kris, Frisk, and Chara's enby gender identities. (Examples: Asriel helping Chara realize their enby in my UT fics, and Kris coming out as non-binary at the start of my "Noelle realizes she's trans pre-canon Deltarune fic which would have at least one subplot about Noelle realizing she's trans" fic.) While I am trans, I'm not non-binary, so I'd want some sensitivity readers go over that and point out if I've messed up anything when it comes to Enby rep.

Feel free to include your first reactions while reading the fic! (from the friends who've beta read in the past, seeing their reactions were honestly the best part lol)

Let me know if you would/would not want to be credited!

Current scheduled: currently I'm just writing a back catalog of chapters for the snowgrave fic. Don't really have a schedule but I at the fastest I plan to release chapters at a pace of one chapter every two weeks. Once I've gotten the first three to five chapters beta-read by all my readers I'll likely start sending off chapters at that pace at least. I don't want to compromise my writing quality with deadlines. My only real goal is to finish/at least release the first few chapters before Deltarune Chapters 3-4 gets released.

If you want to have a snippet of my past writing, I've so far posted one fic on AO3 about Noelle coming out as trans to Berdly. (Though I honestly think I've done a lot more unpublished fic writing so I do think I've improved quite a bit since this fic)

Anyway, if your interested feel free to send an ask/message me on tumblr! (from there we can talk more about specifics/communication/ect)

EDIT: It's been a week and I've yet to get a response. Crossed out messages bc I've since closed them. If your still interested in betareading use the asks.

[commanderquinn]

Good Space Chapter 1: Flower

! i dont! keep these posts! updated! like i do! ao3!

that means you're going to find typos and shit (and possibly minor detail changes) that don't match the ao3 version! that's because im not going to bother fixing the tumblr posts until i finish good space as a whole. im only uploading them here as a backup tbh

—

master list / ao3 chapter link

—

She’s the one good thing about trips to medical in the Avenger’s Tower.

Every other day, at her direct insistence, her lab is the only place in the entire wing that he’s willing to go to. It smells warm and safe, nothing like the antiseptic that makes him want to break a limb. For the first two weeks, he tries to tell her that she doesn’t have to do this. He’s been looking after the link from his arm to his brain for years. There’s never been a problem with it that he couldn’t handle, and he’ll come back if anything ever feels off. No matter how much Steve hovers, she doesn’t need to waste her time on this.

By the start of the third week, he can’t bring himself to suggest that anymore.

—

psa: there’s some gross ass (sometimes detailed) nazi medical shit all through this fic, so if lobotomy talk of any kind is a no for you, skim over any brain talk. your best bet is just to skip the lab scenes where you can ❤️

fic title is a song by skrillex! we needed bouncy shit that vague hinted at plot. the chapter title is a moby song to lay out the v i b e s 👾 im always going to list these, so y’all have a song to listen to while reading

all i can think that needs to be said for canon clarity (ill make it all clear over time dw) is post-WS buckaroo got picked up by steve and sam to be taken for a shower and therapy. no civil war, no age of ultron. we're taking parts of it and doing other shit, you'll see. fury’s publicly alive and director again, shield got flushed out because mmmmm i said so i guess. no red room here. its not about nat, the lack of consent history hanging between them isnt something i want with this. i want to focus on other parts of their trauma bond. alsomaybeishipnatwithsomeoneinthis.

im sorry, but i never started wanda content on my end, and AI jarvis is comfy nostalgia i want to play in, so likely not a lot for her here. yes, we will be having shuri bully bucky, ofc, she’s the pin that holds this whole plot together (what else is new)

oh and i treat bucky’s arm as more of an atompunk feel rather than “the nazi’s had bleeding edge limb tech in ww2 that only affects bucky’s arm, definitely not anything else”

other than that, we’re firmly in good ‘ol stark tech magic and too many open wiki pages for all my plot device needs

also my grammar aint the good. i write these mf's in my spare time while baked af, you're gonna have to give a bitch a break babes 👾

—

Febuary 17th, 2018

"That's not what I'm asking about."

Tony throws up his hands from the other side of the conference table, then lets them smack back down against the polished surface dramatically. "Illuminate me then, Rogers. I'm running out of ways to explain that she's the best I've got to offer for this."

Steve pushes a hand through his hair with a frustrated huff. "I'm not a brain surgeon." 

"No shit, that's what she's here for."

"I meant that I don't know what the fuck I'm looking at."

"Now I know you're worried if you're willing to," Tony clutches at the front of his shirt in mock horror, "swear in public." Pepper smacks his shoulder without even looking up from her tablet. The sight would make Steve smile under normal circumstances. 

"You can hand me any resume you want, Tony. I'm telling you that I won't be able to see a difference. I know you're giving me a team who can do the work; I'm asking if they can do it while it's Bucky."

"Are you worried about his safety or theirs?" Pepper asks, finally looking over. Her tone isn't judgemental. If anything, it's veering towards the gentleness it has when she's talking Tony down.

"I'm not worried about theirs. I will be there every time. Even if he has a bad day, I'll make sure that—look. Nothing's going to happen. It's just...." Steve flips open the folder he's been carrying for a week. The edges of it are starting to wear down at this point. Sighing, he slides his summary notes to their side of the table. "He still doesn't... he doesn't talk about the previous escapes. No matter what his therapist tries. He just can't bring himself to do it. But it's not hard to get a clear picture of what used to happen. He does this every time. He builds himself a strong house, then a fallback point, and then he goes to work trying to fix all the damage alone, which he'll never be able to do. No one could. And there's not going to be a goon squad rolling in to drag him back anymore, so he's just going to—"

"Yeah, yeah, push him to help him; I grasped the concept the first hundred times," Tony cuts in. If he weren't so damn anxious, Steve might honestly feel bad about being so far up everyone's ass over this. "You've got me on board. So, what's the concern here? Will she quit the first time he bites her head off? That's a pretty chauvinist perspective, especially coming from you."

"She's had to put up with Tony long enough to befriend him; that should be proof enough." Pepper smiles as the nightmare himself points toward her in silent agreement.

Steve raises his hands amicably. "I'm not trying to insult anyone's professionalism. I'm sure she's had more than her fair share of problem patients to get where she is today. I'm... I'm more asking if—Christ. I'm sorry in advance, alright? But... Tony, I need you to look me in the eye and tell me that you'd have trusted her to get you home."

A stiff, all-consuming silence falls over the spare meeting room. Pepper and Steve waiting on bated breath; Tony frozen as he looks back at him with an expressionless face. 

Steve despises himself for doing this to him. The knowledge of what happened in that cave is something the man is unimaginably protective over. It took years—and a night of blackout drinking on Tony's end—for the story to even slip out of him. Talking about Yinsen is the only time Steve's seen him cry that he can remember. It was just one overflow, barely even two tears that got scrubbed off his cheeks within the first minute, but it was there. It's the only way Steve knows to get his point across.

Tony looks down at the table and adjusts his posture. His head shifts and his lips purse in that signature move of his, the one that comes up when he's forced to be a person. With feelings. Pepper's arm moves, no doubt taking his hand under the table. 

He looks back up, meeting Steve's eyes as his posture relaxes. "I wish they could have met. I think Yin would have gotten a kick out of her fashion taste. I think she'd have gotten an even bigger one out of putting him in it."

It's the most ringing endorsement he's ever heard the man give. More importantly, Steve knows just how much weight sits behind the guarded words.

—

"I've got their personnel files if you want them. They all volunteered them to you willingly."

"I'm alright."

"Do you want their names ahead of time?"

"No."

"Not even their first ones?"

"They can tell them to me."

"Okay."

"...."

"...."

"...What are they?"

"The ones that'll be behind the glass are Hannah and Wyatt." Of course Steve knows to start there, where his nerves will fixate the most. Asshole. "You probably won't even talk to the two of them today, but your main doctor for this will definitely offer to let you. Her name is Ava. She's going to check in with you for confirmation on a lot of things before she does them. I shadowed her for over a week, asshole. It's not about you; she does it for everyone."

Bucky grunts. "I wouldn't have jumped on her for it."

"No, you'd have sat there brooding like a petulant jackass instead, probably making her feel bad." Steve pauses for a long moment, fiddling with the paper coffee cup in his hands. "You should read Hannah's file, Buck."

"Why?" He shouldn't ask. He can hear the motive sitting in his best friend's voice. It's a fucking trap, and he fucking knows it, but he also can't stop himself.

"Her last name is Schuster."

He absolutely despises the way the situation makes his gut clench. They're dead. They're all dead, and the ones in their place have been declawed for much longer than he's been off ice. He's probably not even going to talk to the woman, at least not today. He might catch the sight of a name on a coat, however. Or on a chart.

He wanted to do this without letting old habits in. He wanted to at least start this feeling like a person, not a weapon. But he gets why the dickhead is trying to baby-step him into it.

Bucky holds out his hand. Steve silently passes him the tablet he keeps. Neither of them says a word as he reads the SHEILD file to himself, line by line. Taking in a stranger's entire professional life. Her family, her known associates, every residence she's ever held. It takes a moment of hovering his finger over the subfolder with her medical records to talk himself down from opening it. Nothing is lingering in those shadows; Steve wouldn't allow it. That's not a line he needs to cross anymore. 

He hands it back when he's done. "The other two?"

"Nothing I could think of. Ava's seen your hard limit list—you remember I told you I was gonna give it to one of your—?"

"I remember. It's okay. That's why you have it."

"Yeah." Steve takes another long pause. "You remember that she knows—"

"I know."

"Good. The others don't. She says they don't need to for any of it, and it's never going on record again." He looks over out of the corner of his eye. "She's going to bring it up today."

"I had a hunch."

"I just wanted to make sure it didn't surprise you."

"I know."

"Good." Steve picks up his coffee to drain the last of it in one swig. He tosses the empty cup into a trashcan by the wall a few tables over before looking back at him. He extends his now-empty hand. "Ready?"

"Not in the fucking least." Bucky raises his hand to lock with his best friends momentarily. "Let's go."

There's no wing in this tower—and he's been through all of them by now—that he dislikes more than medical. The place makes his skin feel like a thousand goddamn spiders are crawling all over him, and the smell of it, fuck. It sits in his head like a fog while it burns up the inside of his nose, making him want to break anything touching any part of him. He'd make Steve be here with him no matter what; that's a given. But the fact that there's going to be a doctor poking at him today while he's trying to power through it all makes the guy's presence non-negotiable. Bucky needs the safety net for the good of everyone in that room.

Steve doesn't try for talking to distract him, mercifully enough. There are times when it helps. Today isn't going to be one of them. He doesn't even have to bring it up for Steve to know, and the reminder that he's understood helps his nerves. It's been an incredibly long time since he had an incident. He's proud of every last one of those days. He won't be upset with himself—well. He'll try not to be upset with himself if that streak ends. But he really, really wants that day not to be today.

Bucky treats it like a mission. He's braced and ready for the antiseptic when they first get through the entrance. He doesn't flinch or huff through his nose at the invasion, not even as they make their way to the specialized divisions. He's walked these hallways before; he's walked every single one in the tower. It was the only way he could get himself to sleep during his first week here. Aside from a few trips to the emergency intake, he hasn't had to force himself back. 

He's definitely never bothered with meeting the specialists themselves. It took long enough to convince himself not to memorize the names of every staff member in the tower. He doesn't need to do that anymore. That's what his therapist and the Star Spangled Spandex keep insisting, anyways.

The door Steve goes for sticks out against the sleek hallway long before they reach it. It's painted, and not just a solid color; it's covered with a garden scene done by several different hands, going by the skill variation. Bucky runs his thumb over one of the hundreds of flowers as they walk past it to feel how thick the tiny acrylic mountains are. One of the petals cracks under the light pressure of the move, making him frown. The mural's not sealed at all, despite being long dried. Not the kind of thing maintenance usually overlooks.

An absolute shock of color hits Bucky's eyes when he gets his first look at the neurosurgeon's office. The walls he can spot from this side of the entryway are lined with tie-dye hanging cloths, and the floor is covered in fluffed-up, vibrant rugs. There's not a hint of SHIELD regulation left in the architecture, with all the walls that aren't glass holding even more heavy paint globs. Some of the murals are more flowers, but a majority of them are space themed. 

The stench of antiseptic fades the farther into the room Bucky goes. By the time the door shuts behind him, it's entirely replaced with the warm aroma of apples and cinnamon. A long, curved desk is off to one corner, pushed against the glass wall overlooking the city and covered in picture frames. An arrangement of chairs piled with pillows matching the rest of the decor sits in the center. Each one of them is fucking massive.

The room itself is separated in half by a thick glass wall. He can spot two doctors sitting behind an array of equipment on the other, equally decorated side behind the glass. There isn't any creative paint in there from what he can spot. If it weren't for that, he could almost forget that he's standing in a medical lab. 

Almost.

"Hi there," comes a voice to his right. 

The woman it belongs to almost blends in with the office once Bucky turns his head to look at her. The lab coat that comes down to her knees is a solid blue rather than tye-dye, but it's covered in stitched designs. Most of them are shaped like bees. Bucky barely stops his eyebrows from raising at the sight of the outfit underneath. Loose cloth pants hanging low on her hips, with even more bees on them, and a hand-knit top that would have been called obscene during most of the decades he woke up in. The bun she's pulled her hair into must have been done this morning; more than a few bundles are hanging down haphazardly. Bucky hasn't met a lot of brain surgeons that he knows of, but he doesn't remember any of them having glasses as thick as hers. He's pretty sure that good vision is something most of them need for the job. Not that he's nervous.

She walks over with a warm smile, already extending a hand to him. She's a short, round little thing. Barely five feet, if his guess is accurate. It always is. "I'm Dr. Ryder. You can call me Ava. I'm told you're my newest patient."

He accepts the shake with a nod and tries not to think about how sweaty his hand might feel to her. Wiping it against his pants would have been too weird. "James."

"But you prefer Bucky, right?"

"Yes, ma'am. Ava," he corrects himself quickly.

"Oooh, someone's stepped on some toes in the new century." Her smile takes on a teasing edge. "I'm originally from Canada; you won't find me taking offense. Ingrained cultural manners are a bitch to hold back."

"Careful, they're the only manners he's got," Steve warns, already heading for one of the chairs. 

"Ignore him. I'm house-trained," Bucky assures her. Taking his hand back, he hikes a thumb over his shoulder, needing something to stall with. "You sure you don't want someone to give your door a few clear coats? It'd be a shame to see all that work chip off."

Ava waves dismissively. "We redo it a lot; it's a relaxation project around here. It'll look different pretty soon." She points toward the glass wall separating the two halves of the office. "I've got the rest of the team working on a project to give us some space, but I can bring them in for a minute if you'd like to meet them?"

"I'm... I'm alright for now, thanks. I can meet them—whenever."

She doesn't insist further or comment on the blatant nerves in his voice. Her hand waves at the arranged chairs as she moves to sit in one. "Take your pick of the lineup, then. Typically I'd offer to take you to the corner of the roof that we've claimed for ourselves as an alternative. But, I need to keep you in environmental controls for sanitation, at least for the initial visit."

Bucky nods a few times as he sits in the one next to Steve's. His ass sinks nearly a foot into nothing but pillows, and his spine goes rigid. "Here's fine." 

He'd have said no anyways, not that he'll mention that. Too many open sight lines with his anxiety on edge. He'll be revisiting the roof before his next appointment to familiarize himself, though, that's for sure. His last trip up there was long before she was even hired. The mental image of bead strings and tye-dye throw blankets on patio furniture flits through his head. If she decorates the same way everywhere, he's guessing it won't be all that hard to find the space. 

Ava pulls up a tablet from the coffee table to rest in the middle of her folded legs. He's guessing she's into yoga in her spare time. One of her eyebrows arches at them in amusement. "You know, I've never actually seen someone fill one of these before now." 

"The benefits of dosed living," Steve quips, his tone a little too positive. It makes Bucky's foot start to bounce silently against the floor on instinct.

If she notices, the doctor doesn't mention it as she focuses on Bucky. "Steve tells me you prefer when doctors keep things direct with you."

Bucky shifts his eyes over to the man in question, who busies himself with one of the pillows, picking at the hanging fringe. Fucker's going to be hearing about this later, that's for damn sure. 

He looks back at Ava. Time to get it over with, he encourages himself. "Yeah, if you don't mind."

"Not at all. I know Steve's already told you, but I want you to hear it from my mouth. I have The Soldier's activation memorized."

He can't stop the gut instinct to swallow over hearing the words, but he nods. "I'm okay with it."

"It's not in any of my notes; it never will be. My team understands that there is a specific trigger in place; they need to in order to do their job. But they have no indication of what it is. I'll never write the words out or speak them where they can be picked up. Steve helped me with the pronunciation and the order when he first gave me your records, but you have my word that I won't be repeating them."

"You should," Bucky insists immediately. "If anything happens, you should, and you shouldn't hesitate about it."

"She knows, Buck," Steve assures him with a murmur. "I took her through the worst case drill. She's got a panic button on her."

"Steve tells me that my reaction time is fast enough for working on your case safely." Ava's head tilts to the side slightly. "Your comfort is the priority here. We can always run through a silent drill together if you'd like the reassurance."

He thinks about it. Honest to god, he lets himself sit in the idea of putting Steve's training to the test for more than a few moments. Neither of them push him for an answer. "I might take you up on that at some point."

She nods, the hair hanging closest to her face bouncing slightly. "Whenever you want. That offer is permanent. I'm taking this case on because I want to help undo what's been done; I'm not here to let it be continued, not even in research." Her eyes shift to Steve, with a bitter defiance building in them. "I trust that'll be clarified to the director if our work here ever reaches his ears, captain."

Steve nods, finally looking up from where he's moved on to picking at the pillow's stitches. "There's no more mud in that water. Fury understands how far over the line we went."

Ava doesn't look convinced in the least. Bucky doesn't blame her, not with the scattered memories of his role in all of it sitting in his head. When she looks back at him, the distrust leaves her eyes. "I'd like to get a better idea of what we'll be working with. I know that's probably going to be one of the most difficult parts of this, so we can try to get through it now if you'd like. Or we can wait until you're feeling more comfortable. It's entirely up to you."

Shifting slightly to straighten out his shoulders, Bucky nods. "I'm ready now."

It's an outright lie, but that doesn't really matter anymore. There's never going to be a time when he is ready. He still needs to do this.

"I'm going to need to adjust your head a few times today," she tells him with a relaxed, melodic tone as she stands up. She lifts a black briefcase from the coffee table and brings it over to rest on the arm of his chair, where he can easily see it being handled. "Is there anywhere you'd prefer me putting my hands? Or anywhere specific you want me to avoid?"

Bucky sees Steve shift his head slightly in his peripheral and wants to roll his eyes. Asshole. He'd have made a joke at the most; he wouldn't have been insulted. Probably. "I can't think of anywhere to steer you away from. You're good to do whatever you need to do."

She doesn't take him into the other section of the room like he thought she would. She doesn't even make him stand back up. All it takes to get the nightmare he's been dreading for years started is Ava pulling a wired, plastic wreath from the briefcase to put over the top of his head. She doesn't push a cold faceplate over his eye and against his temples; no bite guard gets shoved in his mouth. There's no frigid metal probing into the top of his neck to make his teeth buzz until he wants to rip them out of his jaw. The air around him isn't humid and suffocating like it was in that bunker. He can't hear the hum of electric coils or the squeak of leather boots on linoleum. 

He's not in Siberia. He's in New York. This isn't a HYDRA agent strapping him down. This is a hippie, who definitely smoked pot this morning, putting a sensor on his head that barely has any weight. 

"Here, hold this for me," she tells him from behind his chair, offering her tablet over his shoulder. He takes it silently, bringing it to rest in both hands. A digital scan of his brain is already being mapped out on the screen. It's the first time he's seen the anchor that wraps around his brainstem since the X-rays HYDRA used to leave up like trophies. "We can get a look at this thing together."

Bucky takes a deep breath in. It's… not a pretty sight. Whatever they put in him isn't registering in the bright blue lights of the rest of his brain. They're all dark spots, primarily lines branching out from the anchor that might as well be a black hole. 

"You see that?" Ava leans forward to run her nail up the path of one of the lines. It starts at the anchor, and it's attached to another point further up, but that junction is the source of even more lines that go all over. There's a fucking mechanical spider web in his brain. "That's your motor cortex, and those links are tethered to your arm, starting there. That—the one right there—is what's making your cybernetics work."

"What's the rest of it?" There's a fucking lot of it, whatever it is. A lot more than he remembers being put in. 

"Considering the intent of the Nazis that had you, the end goal was probably total control." Her finger moves, tapping several things that look way too fucking important as she keeps talking. "All of those there are connected to your essential functions: breathing, heart rate, consciousness. From there, they branched out into trying for control over your limbs. Jesus." She leans further over his shoulder and pinches at the screen to zoom in. "It looks like they were already building into your entire cognitive process."

"What does that mean?" Steve asks, worry rising in his tone. 

"It means they were reckless on top of being cruel. And fucking stupid—pardon my French."

"You're talking to soldiers, doc," Bucky reminds her quietly, his brows drawn in as his eyes trace the black spots in his grey matter. 

"Right. In that case, fuck every last one of them and the horses they rode... into whichever circle of hell they're burning in, I guess." Bucky's lips twitch slightly as she zooms back out. "They were venturing into parts of the brain that haven't been studied enough for human testing, even by today's standards. Blindly poking just to see what worked; my guess is because they knew that you could survive it. You see that big scary thing under your hippocampus?"

Bucky nods as she taps at the anchor. "Yeah. Yeah, that was… that was the first part. That got put in, I mean." He clears his throat when it starts to scratch. "I'm. I'm pretty sure it was the first part." 

"Do you want to know why you don't feel sure?" she asks gently. Her voice has dropped to something much softer. It makes him sit back in the overly comfortable chair incrementally. 

"Yeah," he tells her quietly, honestly. He wouldn't have a year ago. 

Ava circles her finger around the center of his brain, where one of the more prominent lines from the anchor holds several thinner, black branches. "That's your limbic system. It controls emotion, memory, behavioral habits, that kind of thing. They fried it at some point trying to get to your memories, I assume. My team has the photograph from your HYDRA file, the one with the X-ray from your initial brain surgery. I've studied it with my own eyes. That serum in your bloodstream is the only thing that brought you back from being a vegetable. The salvaged notes from the initial facility they kept you in mention months of unresponsiveness and varying levels of brain activity. 

"There's a reason you can't remember who you were then, Bucky. They wiped you clean because they knew you, out of all their test subjects, could recover from it. There wasn't enough left of your mind to hold memories, much less any kind of higher will." He hears her clothes shuffle behind him and sees Steve turn his head to look back at her from the corner of his eye. "I'm more than willing to testify to that in any court on Earth, captain. So we're clear."

"Understood," Steve replies, his voice thick. "I appreciate that."

Fuck, so does Bucky. Too bad he can't get his throat to open back up at the moment. 

"Now, let's talk about the hard part." He hears Ava sigh. "From what I can see, there's no way we can remove any of this. Not by any standard that I'm willing to entertain, at least."

Bucky shakes his head and tries clearing his throat again. It doesn't feel anywhere near as successful this time around. "That's fine. I don't—I don't think I'd… I wouldn't be ready for that. I just want to know it's not…."

"Capable of being controlled remotely?" she offers when he trails off. 

"Yeah. Aside from the code. I don't—that's not a problem. They're dead. Anyone else that had it, I mean." Christ, his foot's going to bounce straight out of his boot, right through the leather. 

"I can't make any kind of assurances at this stage when it comes to that. But you have my word that it will be my team's primary focus." Her hand pulls back, and he feels four of her fingertips lightly rest on his shoulder. "I'd prefer to check that connection point they left over your spinal cord before you leave today, but the rest of what we need for diagnostics can wait until another time."

Bucky pulls in a heavy breath through his nose. "Yeah. I'm ready to do that."

"I need to get a few things for it and check in with my team." She taps at the side of the wreath lightly. "You don't have to keep looking at the scan, but you should leave this on while I'm gone so we can get some basic readings."

"You're the boss, doc." He tries not to make it look like he's in a hurry to get the thing out of his hand when he dumps the tablet on his leg. 

"I'll be back in just a bit," she tells them, calmly shuffling off into the other half of the office. The glass door hisses loudly as she goes through it, confirming it's a sterile lab. The wall frosts over shortly after with the privacy screen activating.

Neither of them says a word for the first few minutes.

"Well," Steve finally offers up, his voice still as thick as when he thanked the doctor. "There's the confirmation you've been waiting for."

"That's not what that was—"

"Alright, you know what? Fuck you very much, Buck—"

"Fuck me? Fuck me? Yeah, I guess that's how it works now, what with you making alll the fucking calls—"

Steve's finger comes sailing into his face. "This affects more than just—" He stops with a short, muted groan and yanks his hand back to shove through his hair. After a moment, he lets it fall to his thigh in a clenched fist. "You want to sit here blaming yourself for it all, fine. I've got no right to tell you to stop when I'm still doing the exact same thing. But I'm pulling you through this whether," his voice goes high and mocking as he turns to glare a hole into the side of Bucky's head, "yooou like it or not. I let you fall once; I'm not fucking doing it again, asshole."

Bucky stares down a lava lamp sitting on the coffee table for a long, silent moment, his face pinched. He counts the number of wiggling blobs floating from the top to the bottom. He takes in their shared color and picks as close to a stupid paint name for it as possible. One by one, his photographic memory goes down the list of stupid colors from that stupid swatch wall at the stupid art supply store that Steve takes him to when he can't sleep at three in fucking the morning. He decides on fuchsia because it sounds extra stupid. There're twelve in total, they're fuchsia, and his best friend is as stupid as the name of their color.

The anger eventually eases up. "You're the asshole."

Steve sits back in his chair with a sigh. "Love you, too."

It takes a long minute of grinding his teeth for Bucky to force out the question that won't stop echoing in his head. "She doesn't know about the others?"

"She knows there were other attempts, but no, I didn't tell her any of them were successful. I left my notes in her file on what's been held back from her, along with the things she knows that her team doesn't. You can tell her whatever you want; that's up to you. I really think you should read through all of their files."

"Yeah?" Bucky snaps mockingly. "I really think you should kiss my ass."

Steve reaches out to grab one of the magazines from a stack on the coffee table. His posture is resigned and absolutely screaming I know better than you right now, idiot. "You should grow the fuck up."

—

There's no way the notes from HYDRA cover all his surgeries, not with this much framework built up inside his brain.

Steve warned her to expect something like this. The bastards passed Bucky around like a science experiment over the decades. Whenever a station was compromised, all of its records were destroyed to safeguard HYDRA's critical secrets, the work and confirmed existence of the Winter Soldier being one of them. Only a handful were raided by SHEILD efficiently enough to prevent further loss of his medical history. What remains is the scattered works of solitary minds spanned across decades. 

In Ava's opinion, not one of those minds should have been granted the mercy of seeing daylight again after their senseless, abhorrent, despicable crimes against the sergeant. Never in her life has she been a violent woman, but given a blunt object and five minutes with the lot of them, she'd have been very tempted to rebalance nature with ruthless gusto. 

A hand nudges at her arm, pulling her from her distraction with a quick inhale. "Sorry, repeat that?"

Wyatt's eyebrows pull in sympathetically. "Y'can hand this part off to one of us, boss."

"You can hand it off to him," Hannah interrupts briskly, her eyes never moving from where they're pressed against a microscope. 

"Y'can hand it off to me," Wyatt rapidly corrects with a warm smile. He drums his stylus against his arm and leans against the lab's center console. The movable hologram program Tony gifted them is already building detail into one of the darkest acts in human history. Right there, in front of one of the most gentle souls Ava's ever met. The contrast makes her stomach drop. "I mean it; y'know me, I got a real sweet touch. Betch'a the sergeant wouldn't even know I'd been there til it was over."

"Don't make me say it, Combs." Hannah almost sounds bored. The former marine is in a good mood today.

Wyatt doesn't even bother with throwing a quip back at her. He's usually wise enough to know when he's in a losing battle. Reaching out, he gives Ava's shoulder a supportive bump. "You said so yourself; he's alright with meetin' us."

Ava shakes her head, bringing her hand up to rub at the bridge of her nose. Her eyes are stinging hard enough to make them water. She shouldn't have pulled an all-nighter before this; it definitely isn't helping her frustration. "He's okay with it; that doesn't mean he's ready for it. You should see the way he's practically vibrating in that chair. There's not one part of this he isn't forcing himself through. I want to try to limit contact until he feels like he's in control of the space around him."

"That won't take long," Hannah comments quietly, reaching for another slide. "There are certain habits infiltrators don't lose."

"Speakin' from your own experience on that one?" Wyatt asks, curiosity creeping into his tone. Their eternal beacon of southern sunshine has yet to give up chasing details about her, unlike everyone else who visits their little medical corner. 

"Infiltrator is not the classification I would have given myself. I was never very subtle in my old line of work."

"Yeah, 'cause subtle's definitely the word I'd pick for your blunt ass now." Wyatt rolls his eyes and extends his hand to rapidly spin the projection of Bucky's brain with the flick of a stubby finger. "Either'a you looked at these trenches much yet? There's different cablin' in every major section. None of it's got a set standard, far as I can tell."

"I don't think he ever had the same doctor for more than two surgeries." Ava leans heavily against the console with a sigh, trying not to let herself venture into the mindset of a terrified soldier. She has to stay detached, or this will eat her alive before they're even halfway done. The enlarged hologram already hurts to look at in more ways than one. "Steve confirmed that HYDRA intermittently lost sections of his records through the years. All of this could be fractured by the decades; we won't know until Paige starts getting a read on the programming behind that main port."

"How do you want us to handle data transfer?" Hannah asks.

"Let's keep this off our internal server as much as we can help it. Tony sectioned off a virtual instance that we can burn when needed, but the only time you should be using that is for his scans. Put everything else on an isolated hard copy here in the lab, wherever you can do it without hindering the work. I want the equipment analysis kept as off-record as possible. I don't want this being recreated. By anyone."

"Definitely agreein' with you on that one, boss." Wyatt pokes his finger into the projection's left frontal lobe, halting its slowing spin. "I know we said extraction ain't the goal here, but I'm gonna be runnin' some sims on that when I've got the time. I don't like the idea of leavin' any'a this shit in, even if we do get it identified and nuked."

Ava nods and reaches up to give his shoulder a warm squeeze. "Let me know what initial paths you route; we can build from there. I doubt he'll be ready for any extensive work for years to come, but the least we can do is present him with some options." She takes a deep breath through her nose as she looks over the port connection on the hologram. "Alright, I'll be back after I finish his consultation."

"Good luck, boss," Wyatt encourages with a smile. "Tell the sergeant we said hi."

She waves her hand over her shoulder with a hum and braces herself to face her latest patient again. 

The sergeant himself is sitting just as stiffly as he was when she left, but the captain has moved on to relaxing with a magazine in his hands. They both look up at the sound of the door opening, with a laid-back smile on Steve's face and a forced one on Bucky's. She almost wants to tell him that he doesn't have to make an attempt. 

"Sorry for the wait; needed a quick check-in with the brain trust." And to not want to throw something heavy through Tony's fancy glass walls. "They wanted me to pass along their hello's. Dr. Combs, in particular, is very excited to meet you."

Bucky huffs a silent laugh through his nose as she returns to stand at the side of his chair. She doesn't try to move behind him for the moment. "Yeah, I'm sure I'm real—"

"Buck," Steve cuts in softly with a side eye in his best friend's direction.

"Fascinating?" Bucky's eyes lift to Ava's at her teasing guess, and his responding nod is sheepish. She smiles at the attempted manners. "Your case is as interesting as it is horrific, that's for sure. Lucky for you, we're a morbid bunch, so you can go for the gallows humor whenever you want." She taps at Bucky's arm with the pad of her index finger, trying to warm him up to repeat physical contact. "However, I'm pretty sure Wyatt is looking forward to asking for your autograph above everything."

The sergeant's eyebrows rocket toward his hairline. "What's he looking for? Love, The Winter Soldier?"

"Bucky." Steve doesn't even look over this time; he just drops one side of the magazine to pinch the bridge of his nose. 

The sight of an exasperated Captain America sitting in her office makes Ava snort loudly. She doesn't miss the way it makes Bucky's lips raise at the corners. "He comes from a long line of history buffs who believe accurate preservation is the best tool to prevent it from repeating. The guy grew up with battle models and field testimonials from every major war. I'm guessing he had some Howling Commando envy as a kid, though he won't own up to that on his end."

"He knows I was one of them for all of five minutes, right?"

"None of us were Howlies for long," Steve forcefully insists, one foot coming over to kick Buckys. "But that doesn't change the good we did while we were."

"It also won't stop him from chewing your ear off about it if you let him." Ava crosses her arms over her chest in amusement. "My advice is to stop him early. Definitely before he starts asking what you remember about the maps. You've got a real Milo Thatch working on your brain now." Bucky looks up at her in confusion. "Haven't gotten around to Disney movies yet? Milo's a character from Atlantis, one of my personal favorites. He and Wyatt share a certain level of academic excitement."

"I'll add it to the watch list." A small smile comes up, making her wonder what his cheeks look like when he really lets it go. "And keep the point of no return in mind."

She stops herself from gushing about the beauty of the art behind the movie, wanting to honor his headfirst approach. "You ready to get the last part of today's visit over with?"

His shoulders rise with another resigned intake, making her want to be ferociously violent toward the closest available Nazi. "I'm ready when you are, doc."

"My go-to hardware specialist built a prototype connector based on the scans Tony got during your initial intake. It's only the first iteration for the sake of data extraction, so be sure to speak up if anything feels off. Anything at all, even if it's just minor discomfort. She can work on changing it for the next build. I'm sure Steve can attest to Paige's efficiency at her job by now."

The slightest hint of a blush comes over the captain's cheeks at the teasing mention of his numerous visits to the engineering department. "Ms. Findley—"

"Does she ask you to call her that?" Bucky jumps on his best friend with immediately. Ava would feel bad about chumming the waters, but the banter is making him relax against the chair. 

Steve shuts his mouth momentarily. The blush gets a shade darker before he opens it again. "Paige is a very dedicated worker. And a lovely conversationalist. How do you two know each other? Through Tony?"

Now Ava really does feel bad. She puts a hand on her hip and tries to keep her smile from growing. "No, I'm the one who introduced them. She's been my best friend for about fifteen years now."

Steve freezes, and Bucky's grin takes over the lower half of his face. The sergeant sits all the way back, with shoulders that are perfectly at ease. "Oh, good. If I think of anything later, I can just have Stevie drop it off for me. I'd hate to forget between appointments."

Ava pulls the wireless reader and its port connector from the briefcase on Bucky's chair. She steps up behind him and tries not to let her eyes linger on how his smile lights up his face or how it warms her chest to see. Her free hand comes to rest on his left shoulder, leaving the exit door in his right peripherals. "This shouldn't take more than a few minutes at most. Ready?"

"Hit me." It almost doesn't sound forced. 

She lifts his hair and runs her thumb over the port once to brace him for the new sensations before lining up the connector. As she'd explicitly requested of Paige, the mechanism doesn't snap into place when she locks it in, meaning there's no responding vibration to move through his skull. The notes from Bucky's therapist that were passed along didn't mention it, but they hardly mention anything at all. There's a lot he's holding back, there has to be, and she's been trying to preempt as much of it as she can. 

Bucky's nails dig into the arm of the chair, and he inhales sharply. After a moment, his fingers start to relax one by one. Ava watches them all, her eyes moving between his hands and neck repeatedly, while the reader begins its data harvest. She gives him long enough to get a few steady breaths in. 

"Have you started any animated movie binges?" she prods, wanting to stall for time to get a closer look at his implant. With him letting her hold up his hair like this, it might be her only chance for the foreseeable future. 

"Sam's gotten me to sit through a few of his picks," he replies tensely. 

"Mmm. I'm guessing Mister Feathers is a Pixar fan." 

"I know that's an animation studio, but that's the extent of my expertise on the subject. Are they the ones who made Lilo and Stitch?"

"He did not make you watch that one first."

"He did, but that's technically not my first animated movie. We had them back in the 30s, you know."

"Some of us still call it animation's golden age," Steve mutters in the most crotchety old artist fashion, his eyes back on the magazine in his lap.

"Take a look around this room, Rogers," Ava sasses. "Do I look like someone who'd argue with you about its significance?"

"Point taken." 

Her eyebrows pull in while she looks over just how much of Bucky's spinal cord is exposed to outside influence. She knows how far the port runs thanks to the scans, but now she's getting an eyeful of movable hatching and flesh that will never get the proper chance to heal. 

"How are you handling the daily care of this?" she asks, running her finger around one edge of the port.

"I do it," Bucky tells her simply.

Her eyes lock on the back of his head in disbelief. "You do… what, exactly?"

"I've got a morning routine for it. Clear the excess buildup, sterilize the whole area, work the skin, that kind of thing."

"You understand that this has direct access to your brainstem, right?"

"I know." He shifts his weight in the chair. "I'm careful."

"I have several medical degrees, one of which is entirely focused on the human brain, and even I would hesitate to approach this on my own body. If anything that can give you so much as a hundred-degree fever touches this, you're dead, Bucky." She lets the hand not holding up his hair come to rest on his shoulder. "I'm not trying to scare you with this, but as your doctor, I need to make sure you understand the severity here. I don't want you doing this yourself anymore; I want you to come to my office for it."

"That's not necessary—"

"What time do you want him here in the mornings?" Steve asks, ignoring Bucky entirely. 

"I don't need to come here in the mornings—"

"It doesn't have to be every morning," Ava offers, wanting to give him a compromise. She's definitely not letting him go back to doing it himself. "I can set up a stable cleaning routine every other day whenever you have the time to come in."

"I have it handled, really—"

"I wouldn't push it past three days, though."

"Every other morning," Steve agrees. "That's perfect. JARVIS can keep an eye on the schedules for him."

"I've got working fucking eyeballs," Bucky almost shouts, making Ava and Steve finally let up. 

She squeezes her hand on his shoulder, half in apology, half in sympathy. "Yes, you do. But they happen to be in the front of your head. My eyes can see the back of your neck without a mirror, and they've got a decade's worth of disgustingly thorough medical training behind them. You came here because you're ready for this to get done. Now you actually have to let me do it."

Bucky lifts a hand as if he's about to argue but then lowers it with a soft sigh. "Yeah... yeah, alright. But I'm not always going to be here in the mornings—"

"She said it doesn't have to be the mornings," Steve cuts in again.

"You know what I mean, jackass. I'm not always going to be here consistently. I have, you know, a job that you try to boss me around on—"

"We can make sure you've got a trained medic to help—"

"No, Grant."

The words are said softly, and it takes a moment for Ava to even remember that it's the captain's middle name, but something happens in the wake of them. Steve's relentless push stops on a dime, and the fight leaves Bucky's shoulders. The two of them relax marginally, and Steve nods once. "Okay. So, we establish the routine here. Get it ironed out; get you practiced with it. Then I'll clear you for doing it yourself on missions. But if you miss even one while you're here, so help me—"

"I got it, I got it."

Steve watches Bucky with a tightly held expression for another long moment. Then he looks up at Ava with a nod. "He'll be here, and I'll make sure he's not cleared for another mission until you two have a stable routine for taking care of this."

Ava gives Bucky's shoulder another light squeeze. "I promise it'll be quick every time. I'll work with Paige on making you a field kit. In the long run, this shouldn't interrupt your normal day-to-day much at all."

"Appreciate the effort, doc." Bucky gives a soft grunt. "Sorry for the. Y'know. Pushback."

"I think the world owes you a little more than patience as backpay, Sergeant. I'm happy to help where I can."

—

Febuary 19th 2018

"I can handle it if you want me to."

"No. No, I... I can do it."

"You're sure?"

"You think I can't?"

"I think you look like you're about to throw up on my shoes."

"I don't like the idea of... starting off like that."

"That's why I'm offering to do it."

"No. It should be me. There are things you won't be able to explain."

"You can always fill in the blanks when she shows up for Soldat training."

"What a great alternative first impression! Hello, ma'am, not only am I a complete jackass, but I also delegate my role as—"

"You're not delegating; you're assigning the right person to the job. And this takes away the need for you to be a jackass."

"Leaving you to be a confrontational bitch in someone's eyes?"

"What's the issue there?"

"That's not what you are, Nat."

"Says who?"

Steve reaches out to smack the side of her arm. "That's one of my closest friends you're ragging on."

"She can take it." Natasha looks over at him, a bored hike to one brow. "Let's stay focused on what the doctor can take. This won't be like the therapists. We can't put him through multiple doctors on this. We'll only get one or two tries before he draws the hard limit."

He nods, turning his eyes back to the closed elevator doors. "Right. Right, it's for a good reason. I can do it."

"You don't have to. I can handle it."

"I know. But it should be me." He knocks the side of his boot against hers. "Thank you."

"Always. Let me know how it goes."

Natasha's off the elevator before the doors are even finished opening, leaving Steve to collect himself alone. He pushes off the back railing with a heavy sigh. No part of this is going to be easy to stomach. He's accepted that. He exits the elevator with a resigned set to his shoulders.

The medical wing is dark this late into the day. JARVIS already confirmed that the doctor is still in the building. From the AI's reports, she pulls late nights like this regularly. It bodes well for what he'll have to ask of her and her team.

He stops to admire the heavy paint on the outside of the lab's door. There's days worth of work here, clearly a labor of love. It takes until he's admiring the fourth flower of his perusal to notice that it's not all the same artist. He scans it a bit quicker after that, trying to take a guess as to how many different hands took part. His best guess is four.

Accepting that he's been inadvertently stalling, Steve pushes it open roughly. He probably should have expected the onslaught of color in the room from seeing the door. It still hits him hard enough to make him do a double-take through his exaggerated annoyance. The doctor sitting on the other side of a very large desk nearly jumps out of her chair.

"Christ Al-fucking-mighty," she swears, one hand coming up to brace against her chest. Steve gets nailed with a furious glare. "Knock much?"

Well, that's one test passed. "Are you Dr. Ryder?"

"I am. Who the hell wants to—oh." Recognition dawns on her face as Steve gets close enough to be illuminated by her desk light. The fury in her shifts toward indignance. "I happen to hold a lot of respect for you, at least during normal business hours. So, I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt here and let you have a moment to explain yourself, captain."

He almost starts with an apology, but he catches himself in time. "I've been told you're one of the best neurosurgeons we're in contact with—"

"No, you've been told I am the best." She crosses her arms over her chest and leans back in her chair. Her head inclines toward him. "You can continue."

Steve's reservations about her being able to handle Bucky are leaving rapidly. It almost makes him smile. He holds it together with his best captain voice. "I need your expertise on a consultation. A private consultation. Completely off SHEILD books."

"Am I being roped into the organization's second overhaul?" There's bitterness lingering in her tone. The kind Steve remembers feeling on his own end for months leading up to Fury's near-assassination.

"No. When I say private, I mean private. This isn't under SHIELD purview. I'll be expecting discretion if you think you're up to the case, so we're clear."

The doctor's eyebrows sail up, and her head moves back far enough to hit her chair. "I'll be expecting you to hand over some details before I agree to a damn thing. As a follow-up, you can provide me with an explanation as to why this needed to be done an hour before midnight, with no forewarning and definitely no respect. Otherwise, you can turn your happy ass back around and go find the other neurosurgeons you didn't feel like harassing first."

Damn. He really should have gotten Natasha to do this; she's faster with proper comebacks. "You'll be given information as you need to know it. First, I need to make sure that—"

"First, you can fuck off." Her head shifts to one side as he pauses. "I don't respond well to authority, captain. I'm sure whatever's going on is very important if it's got America's Sweetheart making an ass of himself in the middle of my office on a Monday night. But that's not really my problem. It could be, were I given a reason to care about it."

"Does rectifying war crimes warrant your valuable attention, doctor?" The words feel awful leaving his mouth; she doesn't deserve to get barked at like this. But he needs an honest indication of how she'll react to a bad day.

Ava watches him with a slightly open mouth for more than a few tense moments. Then recognition dawns for a second time, and her eyes roll dramatically. "Oh, for god's sweet sake. You could have just asked if I have experience with PTSD patients. Hell, you were clearly sent by Tony, and I met the man at a veteran's benefit, so you could have asked him. Barnes' presence on the Avenger's roster isn't exactly a secret these days."

Steve holds himself still, then shifts his weight to one foot. "You met at a veteran's benefit?"

She nods slowly, with a bit of mockery behind the motion. "Yes. Almost a decade ago. He funds most of my work with the VA."

That hadn't been included in her resume. He didn't want to invade her privacy by pulling her file until she agreed to it. Steve feels heat rise to his cheeks. Then the anger starts to surface. "You know, I'm not one hundred percent sure I was supposed to know that."

"You think?" The words are bone dry, and her posture is still defensive, but there's a smile working its way up from the corners of her lips.

"Look, I...." Steve raises a hand to the back of his neck sheepishly. "I apologize. I promise it's not about doubting your professionalism—"

"It's about protecting family, yeah, I get it." Her arms don't unfold from her chest. But her eyebrows do come back down.

"He's very important to me. I want to make sure he's in good hands, that's all."

"Well?"

Steve's brows draw in. "I wasn't trying to dump the case on you right now—"

"No, idiot." Her eyes roll again, with much less aggression. "I'm asking if I passed."

"Oh." He nods, his cheeks still feeling far too hot. "With flying colors, so far. There's still a lot more to cover before we get Bucky involved, but. Yes, ma'am. I think you'll handle him just fine."

With a sigh, her arms finally lower. She extends a hand out in his direction. "Ava Ryder. It's very nice to meet you, Captain Rogers."

He takes her hand with a firm shake, inclining his head apologetically. "It's very nice to meet you, as well, doctor. You can call me Steve."

"You can call me Ava. So can James whenever I'm finally graced with his presence."

Yeah. She'll do just fine. "He prefers Bucky. And I'm sure he'll provide you with a much more agreeable first impression. All that can wait until you don't look like you're going to fall asleep on your keyboard, though.

Ava smiles warmly at him, falling back against her chair as she takes back her hand. "I'm looking forward to it. You can send me the details on the case at a reasonable hour to make up for scaring the shit out of me."

"Yes, ma'am." He tips his head respectfully, already backing up from her desk. "Sorry for the scare. And for being so disrespectful. He really is—"

"Important to you." She waves her hand dismissively before reaching up to push at her glasses. "I get it, don't worry. I'd be twice as much of a wreck in your shoes. You're doing fine."

Sometimes, on the rarest of occasions, there are benefits to having the worst moments of his life in the history books. "I appreciate that, thank you. You have a good rest of your night, ma'am. I'll send—I'll have JARVIS send you his file—"

"Captain Rogers is unaware of how to forward SHEILD files, doctor," the AI cuts in gleefully.

"I had my suspicions, JARVIS; thanks." She waves her hand again, this time in goodbye, as she looks back at her computer screen. "Please don't trip on my carpet and bust your ass on the way out of my office."

Steve pointedly turns on his heel, glad for the excuse to hide his burning face. He all but races to the door. "I'll be in contact, doc."

"Mhmm."

When he pulls open the painted door, he's almost unsurprised to find Natasha leaning against the other side of the hallway. She doesn't move at all, but one side of her mouth lifts in a smirk.

Steve lets the door shut softly behind him before cocking his head to the side. "Very cute. You two in on it together?"

"No, but sniffing out Tony's bait didn't take long. You'd have noticed, too, if you weren't so far up Bucky's ass." Her head tilts in the opposite direction as his. "Feel better?"

He straightens up with a nod. The motion feels confident. "Much."

—author's end notes, yoinked straight from ao3—

“what’s paige like?” well. to put it simply. she is every last ounce of karma that steve has earned by lovingly terrorizing his best friend 😌

i feel like the overall theme got covered enough with this to tell if the plot is for you or not. flirting starts next, but isn't super blatant until chap 4. i am in zero rush and will have no problem with dedicating an entire chap to cuddling tbh, this is a comfort project im in for the long haul. check back later for * to get full smut taste, current (possibly changing) map has it in chap 9. OR you can check back for kinktober, i have all 31 days outlined for these idiots. i need starfield to be good so i can do smut for that too, bethesda pls

keep in mind this will get sci-fi weird at times, and loosely ref/revolve around greek myth tropes bc iiiii like ‘em ❤️ im a fandom ancient who takes no issue with cleaning out the dickhead comments 😌 also i might edit shit. im still not clear on what ao3 will email about a bookmark (god willing its not edits that dont include a new chapter) but just in case i figured id warn for anyone who doesn't want email spam

im gonna try to keep ava and paige as vague as possible, aside from a few scattered physical details so i have SOMETHING to write. my favorite bucky fic in existence is a reader!fic (safe with me is Ungodly levels of good, and i dont just say that as a fellow west wing addict. i constantly forget that his apartment in it isn't actually canon and there're no m&ms hiding for eternity somewhere) so you wont get any judgment from me on replacing both of them right down to their names, that’s how im writing them!! it just feels unfair to tag it a reader fic with them being given SUCH a heavy “presence" i guess

main pov's (the undated ones) will always flip between bucky and ava. the dated ones are other characters pov's OOOOOOR its a flashback in which case it could be the two of them, but ill always try to make it clear whose headspace is focused up front, so i dont think ive set up a hurdle there

thanks for reading ❤️ i love and appreciate feedback immensely ❤️ feeds the brain chemicals 😌 no worries abt spoilers, i feel like anyone looking there knows what theyre risking lmao

[boyfhee]

hi, i hope ure having fun on ur trip! i finally found time to read fair and square!! and im so glad i did!! woahh after my stressful week THIS WAS EVERYTHING!!!!!!!!!! 

 i could write here all of the amazing moments that happened in the fic, the plot, heeyn interactions the bickering but ofc its just them pinning (kill me i love that in fics), their bet and their kissing(omg omg blush blush) and everything in between that made this SO GODDAMN AMAZING CUZ everything that happened was truly fantastic, i could go into details fr and all that but i wanted to say there is always this one (or even more) part of your work that go kinda beyond the plot in a way, what i mean is there is some universal truth that comes out of specific scene in the fic(s) that

 1) suits the work perfectly

 2) is delivered so well that i have to pause and muse about my life for a sec 

3)its so effortlessly heart twisting (not always in a sad way more like it hits u with this  realization about the way u see world)  and it was strikes me like a whiplash…

in here the conversation between hee and yn about passion (his for basketball and hers for painting) holy fucking shit i read it and i was stunned fr, the connection and its all about timing god……that hit so close to home and MY GOD U KEEP DOING STUFF TO ME OFC LIFE IS ABOUT TIMING, god i hate how fucking good that moment was and then THIS FUCJING LINE

“if your timing is off, no matter how much you try, things won’t work, and what you love will end up becoming a closed chapter of your life”

………………………….. 

I LOVE U ur brain is soe8rhpqwdkasczx,wfnesdzx wnedsn wow wow wow  IWAS GAGGED OKAY and then hee saying he doesn't want to her to be a closed chapter ??????????????????????*poetic fanfiction cinema meme” do u know how many mental breakdown like this i had  while reading htgbwye  ( lmao it took me like 2 days to read it for the first time)

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

i loved this fic so much!it made my heart happy in the best way possible, i enoyed every single word out of this masterpiece

 THANK U FOR THIS !!! thank u  <3 ure amazing like i cannot stress this enough URE AMAZING HAD TO SCREAM IT IN CAPS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ^^

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

                               – >> swift anonie ♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

PS. it is definitely not fair and square that ure so… THE BEST EVER :33

MY TRIP WAS FUN YEAH PLS FORGET HOW IM REPLYING SO LATE . ALSO I CANNOT THANK U ENOUGH FOR UR WORDS STFUUU URE SO SWEET AND FOR WHAT 😭😭😭 the kiss scene was hardest to write i wrote it at the very last....gave me butterflies tho 😂☝️AND THE UNIVERSAL TRUTH UMMM i guess i like it when my works have a little meaning to them....maybe....mostly they dont but yeah, im glad u were able to notice it!!!! AND THE WHOLE CONVO AB THEIR HOBBIES IS INSPIRED FROM YOURS TRULY i actually had to give up on piano and painting for meds 😆and now im so scared to pick it up again like im afraid of disappointing myself....too bad i dont have a heeseung to tell me that i can do it again....WELL MOVING ON FROM MY DEPRESSING STORY.

and pls not the breakdowns...im sorry but it's fair bc i had multiple breakdowns while writing it . IT TOOK ME SIX FUCKING MONTHS i almost dropped it five times . almost . im so so glad u like fair and square, tbh not only that but htgbwye as well bc both are very close to my heart, AND NO URE THE BESTEST OF ALL LUV 💗

[andrew-mclellan]

Platformer Elevator Pitch

The first prototype I will be making in GDevelop for IGB220 is a simple platformer game.

To start with I needed to think of an idea for the game and condense the information into a '30-second' elevator pitch.

After reading through the first two chapters of The Game Design Workshop by Tracy Fullerton I was able to approch this task with a player-centric focus. This method of design is centralised on gameplay. Making sure that above all else, the gameplay is the strongest aspect in terms of quality. It involves setting 'player experience goals', these are crafted moments of satisfaction that players will experience while playing the game which makes them wanting to keep playing. Without these moments players can quickly become bored with the game and will move on to something else. With this in mind its important to know exactly what the core gameplay will be of any game project before you start anything else. When it comes to my platformer project I wanted to create a series of challenging jumping puzzles where precise input and timing is key to beating the levels. With a unique twist of needing to collect an Egg somewhere in the level and bring it back to the start. Using this intentional backtracking system I think Ill be able to come up with some interesting level designs that arent normally seen in platformers.

In the week 1 lecture for IGB220 we were posed a series of questions to consider in order to get us thinking about the right areas of design, to make a fundamental checklist which we could refer to going forwards.

What is your gameplay? | - Tight controlled platforming with an emphasis on precision and | timing as well as a variety of enemies to deal with in different | ways. Why will it be compelling? | - The sense of achievement after completing a difficult | section/level will keep players wanting to continue. The artstyle is | easy on the eyes and the game has a general pleasant feel going | for it. This allows players to focus soley on improving their | mechanics with no distractions Who is the target audience? | - Anyone aged 11+ What is the players role? | - The player takes on the role of DIno, a young dinosaur looking for | his lost eggs How will you motivate the player? How will you reward them? | - The satisfaction of beating the challenge. As well as sound/visual | efffects, unique collectables and a constantly changing | environment to keep things fresh What genre is the game? | - Puzzle Platformer What is the setting? | - The game takes place is a pixel art prehistoric cartoon world. | Dino wakes up to find his eggs are missing, and sets out to find | his unhatched family.

ELEVATOR PITCH:

Dino is a puzzle platformer game set in a cute prehistoric inspired pixel art world. Where players must head out on a journey to find all of Dino's lost egg family and bring them safely back to the nest. But dont let the cute aesthetic fool you, Dino is a difficult platformer that will push even platforming veterans to their skill limit.

The rating for this game is G as there is no violence/course language/sexual content. The target audience for Dino is 11+ as younger children may find it too difficult.

Sources: Fullerton, T. (2018). Game Design Workshop: A Playcentric Approach to Creating Innovative Games. ProQuest Ebook. Retrieved from: https://ebookcentral.proquest.com/lib/qut/reader.action?docID=5477698

[katherinewilliams221b]

For A Greater Good 2/18

Gif not mine just the text

Summary: Kate Williams, young healer and member of the Order, joins Durmstrang's staff at Dumbledore's request. Her mission? Find a Death Eater and survive long enough to tell the story. Set in 1996.

Pairing: Charlie Weasley x ofc

Masterlist

[Part 1]

--

Dear Charlie,                            7 Jan ‘96

I arrived yesterday in one piece. I wanted to write just as soon as I got here, but you can’t owl anytime you want. They have a strict and very controlled system, and they are very protective of their owls. You can use the owlery as many times as you want during Sundays.

The headmistress considered giving me a little more freedom in that regard, but I don’t want to tempt luck and make people ask why I have privileges.

I will stick to their rules and only send letters on Sundays, and with their owls. Please do NOT send Whiskey here, and warn your family not to use Errol either, I don’t think they could survive the weather here and Durmstrang won’t like my using foreign owls.

She assured me that the letters arrive within the day, so that’s good. They have a training program for the owls, but I saw them, and they are bigger than usual. Maybe a cross-species with a magical creature?

I am trying to convince the headmaster to let me use her fireplace from time to time to talk to you. I was told that this school uses spells to keep the place warm and protected from the snow, and they don’t use the fireplaces. Ever. I will have to be very careful, and I’m still trying to figure out how to be discreet.

They obliviate you when you arrive. They say it’s because they don’t want the school to be found, so I expect to be obliviated after my return.

They gave me a language potion! I can’t wrap my mind around the fact that I will be able to talk to anyone. Can you imagine that? The possibilities? I would investigate how that magic works right now if I had time. Can you do me a favour? In the tower next to our house, where I work, I have a small blackboard with some notes. Can you write something in the lines of “translator charms” or similar? Just so I remember.

Tomorrow I will start as a healer. You wouldn’t believe how big is the hospital wing! The headmistress, professor Rhode, told me it is common that students experiment by themselves and they have this room fully equipped for patients. Not even St Mungo’s have this quality. I wish I wasn’t in these circumstances, so I could explore the place with more detail.

I know what I have to do if you know what I mean, but I still have to put everything in order and figure out how exactly I’m going to face the task. I have no idea where to start, and I will be anchored in the hospital wing, so I won’t have much freedom.

Oh! I have a bedroom to myself on the top floor of the castle, and the views are breath-taking. You would love this place: the grounds, the mountains, the forest, and the lakes! I can see a ship from here, the one you told me they used to get to the Three Wizard Tournament last year, I believe.

Things are going to be calm for now, classes start again in less than a week so there’s not going to be not much to tell the next days.

I’m going to have lunch now and then get a map of the castle to be able to move around here.

Love,

K

 With a kiss to the envelope, she handed the letter to the owl that hopped in circles in front of her. He chirped with excitement at his new quest and accepted the message before lifting into the air.

Kate leaned on the rail at the top of the owlery and admired the mountains. Her uniform was suited to the cold weather and let her enjoy the views.

The owl flapped its wings and disappeared through the low clouds that painted the horizon. She remembered Hogwarts and its owlery; how she used to spend many afternoons watching the sunset while the owls were still asleep. Even the not so pleasant smell of it had become something so familiar that she missed it when it wasn’t there. Kate’s smile vanished at the thought. There were too many things she wished that were there, but weren’t.

The whistling of an eagle caught her attention. She tried to focus on the bird, but it was flying in circles above the forest. She turned around and looked for an owl that wasn’t sleeping; she didn’t want to scare the poor thing.

She chose a horned owl that seemed curious about her movements and placed her hand in front of its beak to let it recognise her.

“Thank you, Professor McGonagall,” She drew her wand out and murmured “Strigiforma.”

A pair of opera glasses appeared in the owl’s place and she hurried to catch them before returning to the rail.

It wasn’t an eagle; it was a hawk. Kate didn’t know much about birds or their behaviour, but flying in circles above a certain spot didn’t seem very usual. Perhaps there was a prey in the forest, for it seemed riveted by the trees.

On its way back towards the owlery, the hawk seemed to advert Kate’s presence in the tower.

Faster than her eyes could register, the bird flew straight into Kate’s direction, only to change its course in the last second, passing over the roof.

Still confused with the events, Kate set the glasses on a nest nearby and turned them into its original form.

The owl scoffed indignantly and turned around to avoid her.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t hurt you, did I?” She rounded the nest and offered her hand as a peace offer. The owl looked at it and then away, keeping its head as high as possible.

“I will bring you some treats as compensation, I promise.”

--

Durmstrang Castle looked no smaller than Hogwarts from the inside. Kate managed to get to the library with great difficulty and had to suffer the taunts of some students when she asked for directions.

The library was a circular room, one of the towers, and was probably four stories high. Long tables occupied the centre of the room and each floor, visible from below, had small study areas.

Elegant chandeliers illuminated the place, but judging by the size of the windows, it would not receive much natural light throughout the day. This did not seem to bother the few people who were there. Perhaps they were used to the shadows, Kate thought.

Her attention was drawn to the golden, well-kept staircase upholstered with a red carpet that went up to the different floors with it. Just behind it, partially hidden behind black curtains, an empty table held the weight of more books than it should. It looks like my desk; she thought with a half a smile.

As she approached, she read the plaque propped up on one tower of books.

“If that book is not your thing, try to give the bell a ring.”

She scanned the place until she found a tiny bell hanging from the edge of the desk. With her index finger and thumb, she caught the string and hit it against the metal. Not hearing any noise, she tried again.

From the top of the tower, a bat hanging from one of the giant chandeliers broke loose from its resting place and plummeted to where Kate was standing. Flapping a couple more times, it flew over her head, causing her to jump. As it reached the desk, the bat changed shape, and a man dressed in an elegant black robe appeared.

“I heard you the first time.” He said with smiling eyes. “You don’t look like a student.”

“I am a new healer. Maybe you can help me, I’m looking for a map of the castle.” Kate looked at his face and could not help but feel a little envious; his skin seemed to glow, he had not a single wrinkle and his features were refined, almost translucent, as if made of glass. At first glance, it seemed that he was much older than Kate, but on closer examination of his features, it might have not been the case.

“Of course, I can help you. It’s my job.” A cloud of black dust appeared before her, and again the bat shot up. Kate followed its path up the first floor until it was out of sight.

After a minute, in which Kate shifted in her place several times, the sound of chains alerted her. She turned to the desk to find the librarian looking at her again. Her surprise must have been palpable, because the man snorted with amusement.

“Castles are particularly good at hiding secrets. Here, that’s for you.”

With a bow, he extended his arm and offered her a scroll. Kate went to accept it but held back before doing so.

“Am I allowed to borrow material?”

“I trust you will return it.” Kate nodded and accepted the scroll.

“I will. And thank you...”

“Corentin. At your service.” He said in a French accent before he turned into a bat one last time and flew to the lamp.

--

Kate went around every corner, every corridor and every room she could. She was able to recognise many of the places Astrid Rhode had shown her, and she discovered many more.

After a while, she entered what appeared to be a trophy room. Multiple shelves of medals and cups adorned the walls. Quidditch, duelling, and arts. It was clear that Durmstrang had taught many powerful and skilled wizards and witches.

At the end of the hall, a gigantic painting that occupied practically the entire wall showed a portrait of a woman. It stood still, unlike many of the paintings that decorated the corridors. Still, Kate felt as if her eyes followed every movement.

“Nerida Vulchanova.” She read on the plaque “Architect and founder of the Durmstrang Institute.”

“Remarkable woman, Vulchanova,” said a voice behind her back.

A woman with a complexion as dark as her robes and a shaved head observed her from an armchair in the shadows. When she stood up, Kate recognised her from the documents Astrid Rhode had given her.

“Mer Yankelevich. You may call me Mer.” She reached out her hand and Kate accepted it, trying her best to pretend she didn’t know her. “I teach charms. Haven’t seen you around here before...”

“Kate. I’m a new healer.”

She didn’t seem to care what Kate could say to her. She immediately turned her gaze to Nerida’s painting.

“Did you know that this castle could not stand without magic?” She made a dramatic pause that Kate found extremely unnecessary. She focused on the teacher’s mind and found arrogance and a strong feeling of superiority. She was gloating over her knowledge.

“The castle was built in the 13th century, and you can tell by its style and the size of its walls However, it has a peculiarity that no other building has. It can be seen right here in this room. Can you guess what it is?”

Kate watched as the long earrings Yankelevich was wearing seemed to wriggle with the question and a strange feeling invaded her body. She turned around, inspecting the room more closely.

Before she could make any comment, the teacher decided to speed up the conversation.

“Sometimes the things we are looking for are right in front of our eyes.” She went to the large windows behind Kate and leaned against the sill.

“When a wall is thick and low, it’s harder to knock down than a tall, thin one. Durmstrang Castle is only four stories high, and the walls are extremely thick, as you may have noticed. Their task is to support the castle.”

She touched the glass a couple of times with her razor-sharp long nails and smirked at Kate’s expression at the sound.

“It looks like it’s made of water.”

“That’s because none of the castle windows are made of glass. Nerida Vulchanova knew perfectly well that you can’t put windows in walls that support the entire weight of the vaults.”

Kate’s stomach jumped at the words. While she knew that her brother’s memories will always accompany her until the day she died, sometimes a word or a person could trigger the darkest parts of her mind. She had learnt to control it, and slowly but surely those memories hurt less than the day before.

Yankelevich reached for the handle and opened the window, letting in the cold wind of January.

“If these windows were made of glass and not magic, all the walls and ceilings would fall down. Fascinating, isn’t it? They are also soundproof.”

“Incredible, yes. Are you interested in architecture?”

“More than teaching, perhaps. I’m passionate about finding hidden places.”

“I’m sure Durmstrang is full of them.”

“What are you doing here, anyway?” The teacher walked to Kate again, her back to the portrait. “I mean, here, in the trophy room.”

Kate raised the map and was about to explain how she explored the castle afternoon, when sounds of a fight alerted them. They looked at each other and hurried to the door.

“Say that again! Say that again!” a boy, probably in his third or fourth year, shouted while he pushed another student backwards.

“Your Dad deserved it! You are just a bunch of blood traitors! You and your stupid family!”

Everything happened so fast, it looked like someone had pressed a switch and from one second to another, both students were on the floor trying to punch and kick each other.

Kate’s eyes widened at the sentence. She was left frozen in place, unable to react fast enough to the situation.

She saw how they managed to get up, but they were still fighting. Some other students came to enjoy the show and the corridor rapidly filled itself with deafening screams of encouragement.

Kate stumbled as she was being pushed further away from the wrestling.

The map slipped from her hand in the commotion and she struggled to get on her knees to find it. From the corner of her eye, she saw how something fled from somewhere among the crowd. A book?

“What the...” Kate murmured when huge black clouds covered the ceiling of the hallway.

Sounds of a storm right above their heads made everyone stay motionless in their spots.

“What, in Vulchanov’s name, is happening here?” Headmaster Rhode’s voice sounded as if she was holding a megaphone. However, her hands were raised, controlling the rumble and lightning of the storm.

With a wave, the clouds dissipated as well as the students that opened a path for her to walk.

Kate noticed the blood in one of the boys’ nose and tried to reach them, pushing aside the curious souls that didn’t want to miss Astrid Rhode’s fury.

“What do you think you are doing? Fighting like a pair of water demons instead of duelling like civilised young wizards. I’ll throw you myself in the lake if that’s what you want?”

A pair of ‘No, professor.’ bounced against the walls and echoed in the tense stillness of the place.

“Let me see the nose,” Kate ordered. After a quick examination, she drew her wand out before saying “Episkey”

The cracking noise made more than one student hiss.

“Now everyone out of here. I don’t want to see you. Prepare everything for the new term that’s starting in a few days. Go.”

The corridor cleared, and Kate noticed the book that rested on the floor. Before she could grab it, Mer Yankelevich bent down and took hold of it.

“Advanced guide for curse-breaking.” she read “Someone’s been inquisitive these holidays. I’m going to return this to Corentin, now.” she added, laughing.

Astrid nodded first at the teacher and then at Kate, adding a hidden meaning unknown for Yankelevich.

She couldn’t identify what Rhode was trying to tell her until the headmaster’s gaze shifted almost imperceptibly towards Mer Yankelevich’s back. Kate inhaled and crouched, pretending to tie more securely the shoelaces of her boots.

When the charms teacher rounded the corner, Kate darted after her, trying to jog, avoiding touching the heel to the ground.

She pressed her back against the wall, turned her head slightly to spy to the other side and observed how Yankelevich opened a door to another corridor instead of heading to the library’s direction.

Kate spent the rest of the afternoon considering Mer Yankelevich a procrastinator or a liar, inclining herself for the latter.

[Part 3]

[antiloreolympus]

10 Anti LO Asks

1. HOW DID ZEUS NOT KNOW APOLLO AND ARTEMIS IS HIS KIDS? Zeus has an affair with Leto and bam she gets banned and bam she has TWO SAME SHADE OF PURPLE KIDS AND ONE OF THEM looks a LOT LIKE HIM. I know at the wah beginning he and Hera were looking at Apollo and Zeus even goes “he reminds me of a young me!” Where I was thinking he lowkey knew and just Apollo didn’t know or something like that since I never saw Apollo call Zeus dad. Like Hera didnt like Artemis for being “unlady like” which I thought meant “my husbands kids from another mistress”. For Hera to be able to ban Leto and then two god children come out right after.

I know Aphrodite is also purple and isn’t zeus’s daughter but her non existent mother didn’t get banned from Olympus for having an affair with him!

I also wanna know how long ago this affair was since Apollo has an adult child. 

2. Did anyone notice Artemis’ outfit changed during the season finally. She had to to jewelry on to exclaim Zeus is her father but take it off when watching Apollo vs Persephone 

3. Does hades gets along with any other female goddesses other than hectate or ones he’s sleeping with? Demeter and him are known to not get along, him and Aphrodite have stepped on each other’s toes. Artemis hates his guts. I guess he gets along with Athena/hebe but that’s cause they have a good uncle niece relationship.

4. there are several instances in the iliad alone of the gods picking favorite mortals, protecting them, and literally weeping when they died. the fact rachel thinkss they legitimately dont care about them outside of rituals (??? what does that mean??) is just her once again admitting she does not actually know what she's talking about and the extent of her "research" is just whatever tumblr said in 2015.

5. the fans saying magically creating a child "isnt the fun way" both confirms they do not actually care about persephone's in comic trauma and fear of pregnancy/birth (I would say sex too, but Rachel seem to have acted one therapy session is enough to "fix" it), but also confirming they will not accept any sort of adoption, so considering Rachel writes off fan reactions just get ready for her to think up a random way to get Persephone knocked up for their weird pregnancy obsession.

6. You guys have to realize LO fans and even Rachel don't care for Persephone, it's really just about making Hades their perfect Emo Husband™️ who they get to live out their fantasies with because the other male gods are too defined, and Hades in myth lacks so much about him they can just impose a any personality on him to make him "perfect", Persephone is just a vessel to live out that fantasy. If they truly gave a damn about her, there wouldn't be romantic HxP adaptions to begin with.

7. I haven't read past the first three chapters of LO because I legit hate nearly everything about it, but I found and plowed through this blog because I find it hilarious how catastrophically bad it is. But I went to check a random late chapter after ppl said the art improved, and Persephone at one point is wearing a backpack?! It's normal in college obviously, but it's such a symbol of academic youth. Old ass man in a suit+backpack girl..looks like dad picking up his daughter from fucking school.

8. TBH the webtoon weekly format is also a big reason why LO isn't very good. Not only is that not enough time to relax and keep up the art quality, but it def seems like a lot of LO episodes is just Rachel thinking "this will sustain them for a week" and that's about it, not that's important to the story or develops anything, but that it meets enough filler until she can think up something else, which isn't good writing. She and many others could benefit from a longer in-between between episodes.

9.  I feel like I would be able to support HxP in this story if it weren't for the fact Persephone has no other options but him, and they're not developed well either. Like if she has a prior dating life and partners before him, it would be more realistic, and more so some actual development in them as to why they'd work as a couple, because all we have is just Persephone with no options, plot forcing them together, physical lust. and trauma bonding. That's not good writing to make us buy the couple

10. Even beyond the atrocious design, are we not supposed to notice Rachel is phsyically incapable of letting GREEK GODS having any negative traits at all? Hera couldn't just throw her child out because she's an asshole, Eris had to randomly want to kill her! Persephone can't have inner darkness, she was cursed by Eris! Hades had to do slavery because "its tradition"! Like if she and her fans can't handle Greek gods being morally complex and even bad, then go focus on Disney movies, not the myths.

[poppywrites41]

Captive Love Chapter 1

Prince!Yoongi x Maid!Reader

AN: this MIGHT turn into an ot7 fic. honestly depends on my mood, i dont rlly have a plan for this so it might not even be completed itself. Here is the first chapter for it. lmk what y’all think!!

If y’all like it, i will keep posting, but I will be busy until May with university assignments.

WARNING: Implied death, cursing, sexual references. There will be more smut and violence to come in future chapters. If anyone is triggered by smut, non-con, death or violence, DO NOT INTERACT ANY FURTHER IN THIS BOOK.

The man watched with cold eyes as the young female body fell from his hold to the floor with a thud. He kneeled down and places his hand on her neck to check for a pulse. When he found no signs of life, he sighed in annoyance, “Fuck...I didn’t even get to try her out yet.” What was her name again? He didn’t know. Well, he didn’t really care. If he is feeling frustrated, there is usually one in his vicinity doing her chores where he can just grab them and do as he pleases. They don’t fight and he likes that, but it has started to get boring. This girl was different. She was probably new and didn’t know what to do, so she had a tiny bit of fight to her. But, she apparently didn’t know how to clean his desk properly, so she got herself a little too hard of a squeeze to the neck.

The prince huffed and went down the hall to let the guards know to remove the body that was in his chambers. They immediately took action, rushing with haste to remove the inconvenience from their majesty’s room. The man walked into the banquet hall where his parents and 6 brothers were eating their dinner.

“Yoongi my daring!” his mother called him over to her, taking his hand, “you must try the elk! Jungkook killed it today and it’s the biggest one anyone has ever shot! It is absolutely delicious!” Yoongi looked over at his youngest brother who had two servant girls on either side of him, begging for his attention. It annoyed Yoongi that Jungkook could just bat an eyelash and would have 5 women at his feet ready to suck his cock. Why the fuck was he so popular? “Nice kill.” he said to the youngest as he sat down next to his second younger brother, Namjoon. Namjoon was one of the brothers he tolerated well. He was a smart man and handsome at that. If he had been born first, he would have been a good king. He also had good luck when it came to fucking.

“Mother,” Yoongi said as he was served a piece of elk with roasted vegetables, “I need a new bedchamber maid.” His mother sighed, “Did you dispose of another one already?! Didn’t she just start last week? Yoongi, this is the 4th one in the past month and a half!” “She couldn’t do her job properly. I did what I had to.” The second eldest prince huffed.

“Mother,” Jimin, the third youngest spoke up, “where are you finding these women? What’s their status?” “I think this last batch came from Hearthfield. A few of the girls were daughters of the noblemen whom we paid handsomely for.” she recalled. Jimin laughed, “That’s your problem! You’ve been getting girls who don’t do that stuff. You need to go to Seaport to find the best girls. That’s were I get my bedchamber maids from. They know how to work, and they know how to properly serve a man.” The queen smiled warmly at her third youngest, “Thank you Jimin. Yoongi, I will send out the guards to Seaport to find more women to work at the castle. You may come down to the courtyard and inspect them. Though you may not pick yet, for they need to be trained.” “Thank you mother,” Yoongi said as he dug into his meal.

“Y/N!” an older male voice called to the girl staring at the sea, “Go help your brother with the crab traps. Remember, females with eggs-“ “get thrown back, males as big as the palm can stay. Got it!” the young girl finished for him, jogging along the dirt path to their dock.

Y/N and her family are fishermen. Well, her stepfather and stepbrother are. Her mother passed away 3 years ago when she was 18 and she never really could recall her own father. Her stepfather wasn’t a bad person. He treated her like a human being, but there was always a wall that she felt he put up around himself. She and her stepbrother tolerated each other when it came to working. He wasn’t the worst person in the world, but he always made it known that he was superior to her. Sometimes she felt like she didn’t belong in her own home, but she enjoys working by the sea. She walked onto the dock where her stepbrother was already going through one of their crab traps. “Hey,” he said, not looking up at her, “you know what to do. Better go fast so we make it back before dark.” Y/N nodded and went to the next crab trap, opening it up and sorting their catch. The sun had begun to set when they finished. Y/N and her stepbrother loaded the wagon with buckets of crab. Her brother got on and started the horse towards the village where the best crabs will be picked to be taken to the royal family. “You go on back. I’ll take them.” her stepbrother said. She nodded and began walking back home. Y/N never thought much of the royal family other than being jealous that they get the best of what they caught. She sometimes wonders what they are like. As she walks back, she closes her eyes and feels the sea wind on her face. She can practically taste the salt in the wind. She’s happy here. She doesn’t need to worry about some royal family. Her life is good.

When Y/N was finally able to spot her home, she saw a group of men in armor with horses in front of her home, conversing with her step dad. She thinks nothing of it and continues her walk. She then notices the head guard hand over a sack of what looked like money to her stepfather. Y/N got excited thinking that maybe the royals were paying their subjects extra money for their good food and ran toward her stepfather. When she arrived, all of the men looked at her. “Is this her?” the guard asked her stepfather. “Yes sir,” he replied, “she does not have much to pack that she would really need there, so she is ready to go whenever.” Y/N looked at her stepfather in confusion, “Where am I going? What do I need to get?” Before he could answer, the guard spoke, “The king and queen sent us out to find young women to serve them in the castle. We seem to have had a drop in servants recently and are paying families to hand over their daughters.” “But you surly must have enough!” she said, sending a pleading look to her father, “we are happy here! I wouldn’t be much help! I only know how to fish!” “Y/N!” her stepfather’s voice increased, “You must go. We have barely had enough money to feed three mouths since your mother died. She would have agreed to this.” She couldn’t believe what she was hearing. Her family was giving her up? After all she had done for them? Tears began to well up in her eyes. The guard was the next to speak, “I will give you three minutes. Grab what you can carry, come back out and get into the wagon. We leave for the castle.” Y/N barley nodded and slowly walked into her home to her room. She got a small crossbody satchel and put her small stuffed bear her mom made her in it, her favorite shell and her notebook. She found her mom’s necklace and put it on. It was a simple necklace; a silver pendant that had the words “my love for you is as great as the sea” etched into it. When she came out, her brother had just returned. She looked at him and he avoided her gaze which broke her heart. “Come girl,” the captain said, “We haven’t got all day. We must return this evening.” Y/N nodded and followed his horse to the wagon. When she hopped on, there were only 6 other women. They were very pretty so she felt left out. Granted, Y/N didn’t really have the luxury of having a mirror so she never really knew if she was pretty, not that she cared anyways. She looked back at her home as it slowly disappeared from view, already missing her life on the sea. After what seemed to be a few hours, the group arrived at the gate of a great stone castle. Y/N thought the castle came straight from a fairy tale book.

The wagon was brought into the courtyard where there was an older woman waiting. The girls were lined up in front of her. She walked down the line of young girls, inspecting them. She sighed and turned around to face them all. “Welcome, ladies, to the castle of Bangtan. My name is Lilith and I am your head maid. You all have been chosen to be servants of the royal family. These duties include cleaning the interior of castle, serving food to the royal family at meals or guests during balls, doing their laundry or fetching anything they ask for. There are a few rules you MUST follow; NEVER look a royal in the eye unless told to by one, NEVER speak informally to a royal, only speak when spoken to and NEVER refuse service to a royal. Do what you are told and life will be easy. Now, your training will begin at 7 AM, I will take you to your quarters. I will show you where to meet me in the morning. Come along and do not fall behind.” The girls looked at each other in confusion as they followed the head maid into the castle. Y/N felt someone staring at her but when she looked back, she saw nothing. She quickly followed the group into the doors so that she won’t be left behind.

“So my darling,” the queen said to her second oldest son, “what do you think?” Yoongi huffed as he watched the girl with h/c hair rush to catch up to the group. “She looks like work,” the queen sighed, “hopefully she will last longer than the one who was disposed of three days after arriving.” Yoongi on the other hand was intrigued by the young girl. He couldn’t get a good look at her face, but her posture was different from the other girls. They were making themselves small while she stood tall. She seemed strong, like she had some fight in her. Yoongi is intrigued by that. The queen could see the wheels turning in his head, “Has one already caught your attention my dear?” “There is one that is particularly interesting,” he said folding his arms, “but we will have to see.” “Do not mess with them immediately,” the queen warned, “they need to train and get used to their new environment. Give them a week.” With that she pressed a kiss to his cheek and walked back inside. Yoongi went back to his room and lay down on his bed. He couldn’t get that h/c out of his head. He knew he was not supposed to interact with the new servants until they are properly trained, but what’s training without an actual royal? A smirk played on the prince’s lips as he thought about the next day until he fell asleep.

[kookingtae]

falling into you (pt. 8) PREVIEW

pt 1 | pt 2 | pt 3 | pt 4 | pt 5 | pt 6 | pt 7

→scenario: Jungkook’s innocence is like a breath of fresh air in your wild life, and though you know you’re toxic for him, you just can’t seem to stay away.

→genre: college au, slow burn, mutual pining, shy/nerd jk + bad girl oc (mature themes)

→a/n: so i’m not finished with pt 8 yet, since it’s such a climactic chapter it’s taking a bit longer than i anticipated unfortunately BUT i dont want u guys to think ive forgotten about it!!! i know u all are waiting so patiently, and i cannot thank you enough from the bottom of my heart <3 i hope this preview keeps you excited for what’s to come!

Jungkook could never face Y/N again.

God, how could he, knowing that he’d not only finished in five minutes like a pubescent teenager, but also in his pants while she was on top of him?

Embarrassment didn’t even begin to describe the mortification he felt. He’d never wanted the earth to swallow him whole as much as he did in that moment. Sure, he was aware of his slight social anxiety, the way he was constantly looking to bolt from uncomfortable situations—but this was different entirely. This was new territory for him; he’d never done anything remotely sexual with someone else, period, much less with the girl who hung the stars, moon, and sun in his eyes. What was he supposed to do? There was nowhere to escape to in his own bedroom, no running away from his problems that made him uncomfortable. No, he had to stand there with his head down and his crotch dripping wet while he practically begged her to leave. He had never been so ashamed of himself. He had never felt so pathetic.

But then Y/N surprised him like she never failed to do: she’d given him reassurance, another kiss even, while telling him that she actually enjoyed the experience—went so far as to say it was the best in her life. Now he knew she was lying to spare his feelings. Of all the men Y/N had been with, there was no way a virgin cumming untouched in his pants was the best of them. She was cruel to make him believe otherwise, to give him false hope.

He wouldn’t allow himself to think any differently. He couldn’t allow himself to get hurt.

Which was why he made it his mission to avoid her at all costs—something he’d gotten very good at over the past few months, and the past few weeks, specifically.

But in the same way he’d learned from the patterns of her daily routine and used them as a means to remain hidden, she’d also learned his and utilized them to her advantage as well. It was the only explanation as to how he was turning a corner inside the art building (about to take the rear exit, since she usually waited for him out front) and suddenly she was standing right in front of him.

He instantly skidded to a halt, heart rate shooting to astronomical levels and eyes widening on their own accord. “Y-Y/N,” he stuttered out involuntarily, the sight of her causing every single detail of their time spent together to come rushing back to him like a tidal wave ready to wipe him out.

As if he needed another excuse to think about the moment they shared that had changed him forever, about the way her moans sounded in his ear and her body felt on his lap and the way she touched his cheek, his neck, the way her lips felt on his skin, god help him—

Already he could feel the beginnings of a blush start to rise to his suddenly hot cheeks, and he cleared his throat and shifted his weight from one foot to the other to keep from springing yet another boner in front of her.

He slid his books in front of his waist, just in case.

While she usually approached him with the natural ease of self-confidence and charm, today she seemed worried, unsure. She chewed at her lower lip—something he didn’t think she really ever did, as he would certainly remember the way it stirred within him—and looked up at him beneath delicate lashes that framed her eyes.

He didn’t have it in him to keep from outright staring at her beauty.

“I… I missed you,” she finally murmured, and he felt the breath physically whoosh from his lungs to join his butterfly-filled stomach all the way at the floor.

It had been a few days since he’d last seen her, since she’d been in his room that night where they opened up about their past and confessed how they truly felt about one another and shared the most life-altering moment he’d ever experienced. He missed her too, god he missed her. He missed everything about her the moment she left his side—would picture her face in his mind as soon as she left his field of vision. But for some reason unknown to him, she was too kind to him, spared his feelings despite knowing what little experience he had. There was no way he’d be able to satisfy a girl—mentally, physically, emotionally—who could have anyone she wanted. Perhaps she pitied him. Either way, if she wouldn’t put a stop to it, then he would.

Or so he’d try, but alas, nothing ever went according to his plans where Y/N was concerned. And here she was, three simple words mumbled into existence and he couldn’t even remember his own name, much less why he’d been trying to fight this.

She seemed to expect he would say nothing—either that or she’d grown used to his silence—because before he had enough sense in him to even think about responding, she was speaking again. “How have you been?”

The question was asked with deliberate, genuine curiosity and concern; she really wanted to know if he was okay, how he was handling things after what had transpired between them. And no matter how hard Jungkook tried to fight this, fight her, fight himself, he was only human.

And so he stopped fighting.

“I– I missed you too,” he breathed out, and it was like a weight had been lifted from his shoulders and relocated to his gut. He tensed at his confession, mentally berated himself for his words even though she’d been the one to say them first. He felt like he couldn’t breathe, what with the way his throat locked up.

Though the second he witnessed the smile that sprang to her tantalizing lips, he felt as light as a feather floating in the breeze.

“You did?” Her eyes lit up, sparkled under the fluorescent hallway lights that still managed to capture all of her beauty despite the unflattering lighting. He didn’t think it was possible for any scenery, not even that of a dull and stuffy university building, to make her appear any less breathtaking than she always was.

“I was so worried after I left last week,” she continued without prompt. The mention of his premature finish had him stiffening in dread, though she didn’t let enough silence fester between her words for the anxiety to claw its way up his throat. “I didn’t want you to beat yourself up. I’ve noticed you tend to be too hard on yourself sometimes.” She glanced up at him with the hint of a sheepish grin dancing on her lips.

Her expression said it all: that’s an understatement.

And this shocked him to his core, because she was absolutely right.

Just how well had she gotten to know him in their time spent together over the last few months? And how? And why?

The last question would always boggle him until the end of time; he would never understand why she was interested in him. Why was he the one she had feelings for, when she claimed she never had feelings for anybody? Though he supposed he could ask himself the same thing: why did he feel things for Y/N that he had never felt for anyone else in his life? And the answer was quite simple, really: because it was her.

He didn’t know what about himself was so special to make him stand out in her mind, and as a result he still couldn’t help but be skeptical, even after her confession. But it wasn’t like he had any choice in the matter on what to do with that skepticism—not when his heart kept leading him back to her.

At some point after her accurate description of the inner turmoil that’s been plaguing his mind, his mouth had fallen open slightly. He couldn’t hide the surprise from his face even if he tried; he was speechless.

Y/N gazed up at him, not seeming in any hurry to rush the conversation along, and for that he was grateful. He’d never met somebody so patient and understanding before—just another reason to make Jungkook’s heart flutter with endearment. And it was no secret to himself anymore that he yearned to be in Y/N’s presence for as long as possible whether he was aware of it or not.

“You don’t have to be embarrassed, you know,” she continued as if she could read his mind, and that was when he realized the way his eyes avoided hers and the fact that his skin was the color of tomatoes must’ve been dead giveaways. “I meant it when I said that was the hottest thing I’ve ever experienced.”

Jungkook balked, practically choking on his spit at her forward, shameless words. He didn’t think he’d ever get used to the way she spoke her mind so openly without any fear holding her back. She’d gone through so much in her childhood, in her life—Jungkook not even knowing the half of it, he’s sure—and yet she was still so strong and brave and everything he wasn’t. He couldn’t help but admire the person she was today, despite all the prejudice and judgment he’d held for her when they first met.

He realized now that he was too quick to judge her, to write her off based on rumors and first impressions. He realized now that he was too quick to do that to a lot of people. Just how long had he closed himself off from others based on his skewed, morally righteous perspective? His whole life, if he had to say.

The epiphany that she was physically prying open his third eye with a crowbar, that he was now self aware and changing for the better for her—for himself—hit him all at once.

It was the most frightening sensation of his life, the introvert in him wanting to crawl back into his shell where it was safe and comfortable and dull. But deep down he knew it was also for the best.

“W-why?” He heard himself asking before he knew what he was doing. “Why do you keep saying that?”

He had to know why she insisted on standing by her statement that his mishap was not only hot, but the hottest ever. Why did she insist on lying to him, on giving him false hope? She spoke her mind in every other situation, or at least that’s what he assumed; why did she insist on sparing his feelings in this incident? Was he really that pathetic? Did she pity him that much?

She simply blinked at him once, twice, before: “Because I really like you, Jungkook.”

As if in slow motion, you could visibly see his eyes expand to the size of saucers at your words.

You would’ve found the sight comical had the situation been any different. But the way he continued to disbelieve that you could have feelings for him, that you could be attracted to everything about him despite who he was, despite his inexperience—it made your heart break in your chest. You now knew from where this inferiority complex stemmed—he’d told you himself about his family situation—and if anything, it made you want to rebuild his confidence that much more. He needed to see himself the way you saw him.

But you also didn’t want to overwhelm him, either. And you were more than willing to walk that fine line with Jungkook no matter how long it took.

“So are we on for a study sesh tonight?” You continued nonchalantly, wanting to return things to normalcy for him as much as possible before he ran away mid-conversation as he’d done so many times before. You wanted to ease his self-doubt so he’d stop avoiding you—like he’d been doing the past few days—as much as possible.

Jungkook blinked as if trying to adjust from the whiplash of your subject-change. “U–uh… if you want?”

“Of course I want to,” you replied without missing a beat, not caring how desperate you seemed so long as he didn’t question where you stood. You took a step forward, unable to help the intangible, magnetic draw you felt to him as you gazed up at him beneath your lashes. “That is… if you want to.”

You watched in agony as a gulp slowly raked its way down his throat.

“I–” his voice was hoarse before he cleared his throat. “I uh, can’t tonight. I have to study for math.”

You weren’t even sure how one studied for math, but you weren’t about to question the expert. “That’s fine! We could… do it tomorrow?”

Jungkook chewed at his bottom lip, an action he always did when he was internally struggling with something before he finally nodded his head yes in a slow, hesitant manner. “N–not in my room though,” he added as an afterthought, and when your gaze snapped to his he had a pleading expression in his eyes.

A mix of emotions rolled through you. On one hand, you were horrified at the possibility that he thought the only reason you wanted to study again was so that you could get in his pants. Which—okay, you’re not going to lie, you would love to have a repeat of last week—but that definitely wasn’t why you wanted to see him. He meant more to you than just a means to get off, which was what you’d thought of flings in the past. You didn’t want him to be just a fling, though.

You didn’t want to think of the meaning behind that fact right now, either.

But on another hand, you understood where Jungkook was coming from. Maybe it was because you’d studied him enough over the past few months to learn some of his behavior (for once you finally saw the appeal of studying), so you knew that level of intimacy was probably extremely overwhelming for Jungkook and he needed a moment to step back. Hell, it was even overwhelming for you, and that was saying something. Never had your senses, your heart, your body, your soul been attacked like that with such an abundance of emotional pleasure, and you hoped with all your might that Jungkook was feeling the same—that that was the reason he needed a breather from being alone with you, and not the fact that he just didn’t want to be intimate with you.

Unless…

Oh god, had you misread the situation entirely? Had Jungkook hated everything about that night?

Suddenly you were feeling sick to your stomach. The thought of you misunderstanding his confession—or worse, him changing his mind completely—made you want to escape to a dark and desolate stairwell and cry in the hidden nooks of the windowsill again; the irony that not only would you be pulling a Jungkook by escaping mid-conversation, but that the stairwell was also the place the two of you had your first real conversation, wasn’t lost on you.

“M–my roommate is staying in, studying for finals.” The sound of Jungkook’s voice was like a breath of fresh air whooshing into your lungs after almost drowning underwater. You blinked out of your inner turmoil, focusing on him. “So he’ll be there, i–in my room, this whole week.”

And suddenly your heart was warming with relief, hope, appreciation, like flowers blooming in the spring after a torrential downpour. Just when you thought you had him figured out, this enigma of a boy continued to surprise you. It was usually easy for you to hide your emotions—you’d been doing so for years, always wore a mask around others so that they couldn’t see the real you—and yet somehow, Jungkook must’ve sensed them anyway. He sensed the doubt, the pain, the fear that you vowed never to cage you crawling up your throat and threatening to consume you whole, and he eased it. He didn’t want you to misunderstand him. He wanted to reassure you.

If anything, that was just a testament to how Jungkook had broken down your walls—how much you had let him in, how well he was able to read the emotions you wanted to keep hidden. Your mask had begun to break, the real you showing through the cracks, and Jungkook was still standing here. He hadn’t run away.

You fought the urge to grab him and slam your lips onto his.

“Not in your room, then,” is all you managed to breathe out beneath a fluttering smile.