#i dont often come across art that just blows me away like this

[g0dtier]

Ok look even i realize i cant make a post like that before elaborating so as someone who has an art degree, was groomed themselves and was raised by someone who worked with teenagers who were groomed specifically for 20 years, heres my take on why tumblrs mentality towards fiction (&real degeneracy) is wrong and what you can do to help victims

Im gonna leave out the whole "fiction = reality" shit because at this point everyone knows it doesnt, they just cherry pick where to believe it does. This is not a black and white issue. Fiction may bring up something that was already there, but since none of us are shooting celebs because of books or molesting animals cause furry shit exists, its safe to say theres a line. 1000s of teen boys idealize that one dipshit from fight club. 99% grow out of it. The few that dont were already fucked up and wouldve ended up blowing some shit up either way. No, ao3 is not normalizing pedophilia and you are in no way helping victims. Youre kind of being a detriment.

Pedophiles may use fiction to groom kids, but they did that before fandom existed as well. There is no big difference between using fiction of 2 teens vs fiction of 2 adults to groom a kid cause a pedophile will either say "youre so much more mature than these fictional kids" or "youre so mature for your age you might as well be an adult, i think this fictional adult couple really represents us" and the minor will still take it as a compliment because that is the point of the action. The reason the abusers can take advantage of them is because they want that validation, for reasons listed below. The form that validation comes in doesnt matter.

Tumblrs mentality is purely focused on outrage. Its about hating the perpetrators and pretending people who arent perpetrators actually are, not about helping the victims.

People here have a wrong idea of what a relationship between a minor & pedophile looks like & how they function. People forget that while to us normal people the minors come across as victims in a horrifying situation (which they are), to the minors themselves it doesnt look anything like that. The problem with many of these relationships is not that the minors dont know what theyre doing or are doing it against their will, the problem most of the time is that they, in their minds, are active participants who choose to do this.

Pedos often actively look for kids in fragile situations. No self esteem, bad home life, severe depression. These are the reasons kids want the validation i listed before. Theyre vulnerable to it because they dont get any of it anywhere else and here theres an adult figure just giving it to them.

The point of a grooming is to give the kid validation and make the kid rely on them. To make the kid believe that the adult is the only one who understands them. Its to put the responsibility of the abusers mental wellbeing on the kids' shoulders in the kids' head. And 99% of the time kids already have a close relationship with the abuser when it gets to that point because of aforementioned validation. They create codependency.

So you know what angrily screeching "pedophile!" at any adult interacting on any level with a teenager does? It gives the abuser a reason to call themselves the victim and itll give the minor, whos likely already reluctant to be open about something an abuser does making them uncomfortable because many of them already have low self esteem and dont trust their own judgment and are scared of the consequences (for example: losing what to them is the only person that understands them) even less likely to talk about it. Because regardless of what tumblr thinks, most of these kids do not realize theyre being abused until much later. Theyre not waiting for someone to give them an out.

And no, no matter how hard you try, youre never gonna convince teens that the person theyre talking to is abusing them. Almost every single victim talks about how they hate abusers but how theirs isnt one, adults included. Theyre just misunderstood, or lonely, or really didnt mean it like that. Teens arent gonna listen to randos on the internet trying to convince them the 23yo who "relies on them for help and who is only in love with them, a 15yo, because theyre just really special and cool" is an abuser. Teens are gonna do stuff behind the back of others and lie about it because teens have a really bad case of "dont tell me what to do" syndrome.

What you CAN do to help teens:

- vote for more funding to health care, specifically mental health care. I know everyone rags on cps but cps does not take away children for no reason and will ALWAYS strife to work it out with the parents by offering personal help if possible

- strife to create a safe space for teens to talk about their experiences. Demonizing any adult interacting with children, no matter how creepy it may seem to you or me, makes the victims more reluctant to come forward. Theyre abuse victims. Adult abuse victims dont respond well to "girl youre being abused leave him!!" either. They respond a lot better to "wow dont you think he shouldnt treat you like that? Dont you think your feelings matter and hes being unfair to you?". You need to demonize the actions, not the context of the relationship because teens have already decided the context itself is fine and its usually not what they have a problem with and they wont till theyre older, no matter how hard you try to convince them.

- giving teens safe spaces to learn/talk about sex and what is or isnt right in a relationship. Most pedophiles are not stable. Theyre often codependent or manipulative or overbearing. Teach kids how to recognize these signs and that theyre not ok.

What doesnt help teens:

- taking down ao3 or yelling that some horndog on twitter drew an adult character looking too young. Taboo fiction is not linked to actual degeneracy and doesnt normalize any of it and is not a more succesful tool to help groom kids than anything else. Pretending it is will make minors less likely to seek help tho because the fear of backlash as stated above.

[thestralwarfare]

A ramble of sorts.

So if y'all know me, y'all be knowing my mental climate, its not the best, at least not right now it isnt.

I'm at an impasse caught between crossroads that extend, beyond the regular 3d visual and clichè "crossroad".

It's more of reaching the dendrites of a neuron and having to choose which specific synapse to travel across.

Basically, I'm a dumbass, now I know what you're gonna a say, no you aren't blah blah blah. But consider this.

I am.

In the world of humans and social interaction and its evolution to shrinking the world in terms of connectivity and accessibility, we tend to get caught up in the endless spiel or drivel that you have to be readily accessible at all times regardless of who you are and what you do.

I agree with that to an extent, some instances it really is the difference in life or death, so say from the view of medical professionals, asking for help, giving the location of a patient that needs urgent or emergency aid, it's basically paramount now to have it integrated right? Right.

But consider this,

I'm tired, I'm exhausted, I'm in no where emotionally or mentally able to extend myself more than my mind and after basically running that damned event I lost more of my sanity than I thought, I'm finally starting to put the pieces of my mind together and it's like I'm being bombarded with colossal meteors.

As to who or what is rolling out these mental near death blows doesn't negate the fact that I'm not able to deal with it well.

I've gone softer than I was.

I was more resilient than this, I had a heart of glazed glass but now it seems as though life wants to reenter this seemingly inanimate organ.

Why must my heart bleed? The only things that come from my empathy and feelings end up being painful. No one truly knows how to deal with someone with empathy well at least none that I've truly met.

But I try to understand how people won't be able to tell who you are or how your mental state is or how you actually on social media look doesn't reflect the mental load that's on your plate.

We are across screens communicating (mostly) via written words. It's obvious you dont see the panic ridden near corpse of a body that reels out those abysmal hysterical jokes, or the Voldemort under the bench at kings cross station appearance of my heart.

You dont know the human you are dealing with. You dont know how deeply they feel. You dont know who they really are and how they are fighting tooth and nail to stand up for themselves and be strong when all it feels like is a façade to them.

Standing up for myself?- selfishness

Wanting to heal myself (a task that I do all the time because I'm not gonna waste anyone's time)- selfish

Building confidence in myself when I dont know what it feels like- an impossible attempt at grasping the void caught betwixt stars

Loving myself- okay I'm failing at this because I am disgusting etc etc body dysmorphia periodt.

The other things I'm working on deal with anxiety, PTSD etc etc etc thanks for coming to the Ted talk periodt take 2.

No one or maybe very few in this modern age, would truly understand what it is liketo be raised to be a people pleaser, to sacrifice who you are, burn your very essence, your core, lose your path in life to help someone then when it's time for you to finally try to heal yourself. It's as if you are going to a kingdom you called home to find ruins, no familiarity no way or know how of what to fix or where to start from. You just stand there paralyzed with warm piss running down your legs cause you are afraid of what you see or rather, dont see anymore.

On top of thatttt

The people that say they care, developing attachment to them.

"Having to deal with such strong emotions that the smallest feeling of care from someone feels as though they are the only one rooting for you, you begin to idolize them, to need them, to crave them to become dependent on them."- as per the draft of this here post.

One day out of the goddamn blue,

Its night, no twilight, no stars, no moon, no foothold nothing.

It hits. No warning, no flag in the distance heralding its return.

It's a guest I've entertained for decades. Depression.

This time she bought gifts,

- lack of feeling joy in what would normally bring joy to my life such as art or music or anything creative tbh

-apathy, self explanatory but when it hits no one is truly able to understand how deep it cuts the ties that you hold, it takes away more than just the superficial and deep emotions, it takes away your reasoning as to why those emotions were there or if those emotions were even real.

-sui ideation. Self explanatory again but it's never been this strong and I've never had to hold myself back as much as I've had to do these past weeks.

-low mood, if y'all thought my final finals and that thing that happened then had me at my lowest, you would be right, but getting significantly close to that again....it was exhausting having to deal with it.

-low energy and moving slower than before

-change in appetite, from binging to starving myself

Then imagine while having these wonderful events occurring having to take a look at yourself from an outside perspective and seeing what it's doing to them, the people that say they care or have feelings for you.

To feel like you are wasting their life, too feel that whatever you shared is nothing but a farce because no one can truly care for a disaster. Hurricane skinned and magma filled veins.

You see, it doesn't matter what anyone says over the Internet it's hard to ascertain how much someone really means what they intend to say. Communication extends beyond words and people often times tend to forget that.

You can say that you care or that you had feelings, but there was no way to show it.

There is no real reassurance.

What could be better than sinking without dragging others down with you.

My closest friends have suspected something is up, the feel the change in the air as well.

It's like we are all prepping for it.

Will I or won't I?

The urge is there, the pros of it far outweighs the cons.

It's better if everyone that says they care leave.

It's easier that way.

Its always easy to lose the memory of the shape of smoke.

Tl;dr this human has pretty much tied up most if not all loose ends.

Those that care will move on to others, it's the way of life and I harbor no I'll will. I only want the best for everyone always.

Those that dont care, I also want the best for you maybe even more so, because I know your feelings are genuine and never had to second guess it.

To the fam, twas lit, like an atomic bomb.

Let's all be real here no one will miss me.

My fight isnt over, I'm still struggling to survive, as to why I'm even bothering idek anymore.

[hanniiesuckle17]

Human

A/n: Again not requested but I wanted to do it. Requests are open btw!

WARNINGS: swearing, bangchan being freaking swoon worthy

Member: Bangchan ft. Seungmin (and obviously a couple other members)

Summary: Your friend (we are just gonna call her Irene idfk) had this huge crush on your brother's friend, who you didn't really know that well but you were really chill with everyone and you agreed to help her. Over time you slowly inch yourselves into your brothers friend group, but what happens when feelings go different ways.

Genre: student au, school au, dancer reader!au, fluff, angst towards the end.

Get ready. This is about to be long. Part 2?

(Also I honestly should be writing my next chapter for my fic on quotev or doing hw but I'm doing this instead. Love that.)

_________________________________________

"He is just so cool! Why won't you help me?" Your friend Irene pleaded from her spot on your bed. I lay on my bedroom floor with my legs propped up against the wall. Her long hair fell off the side of my bed as I looked over at my bestfriend since fourth grade.

"I don't even know him!" She sighed, clearly distraught. "He's friends with your little brother, right?" I scoffed. My brother Jeongin had immediately befriended the boy whomst our conversation was about. The boy in question was a senior exchange student at our school named Bangchan, but my brother only referred to him as Chan. "How the hell am I supposed to get him to-" "I'll buy you sushi from the corner store every friday."

"Really?" I flipped over to send her an intense stare. "Really." Irene returned the look with a smile. "Every other day." She looked up in thought, probably imagining her wallet screaming. "Deal!" I scooted over and we did our bestfriend handshake.

"YAH! YANG JEONGIN!" I screamed at my little brother, causing Irene to laugh beside me. "WHAT COULD YOU POSSIBLY WANT?" My brother yelled from what what sounded like downstairs. I heard laughter as well which meant he probably had a couple of the boys over. I motioned for Irene to follow downstairs.

Before we could finish descending the staircase, I stopped in my tracks, causing Irene to bump into me. "Y/n what the hell-- Oh." I could practically hear the smirk in her voice. He sat in my living room looking ironically perfect. The boy who I had painstakingly had a crush on since the fourth grade. My brother sat with him and our friend Jisung on the couch. I still don't understand why he affects me this much. I hang out with him, Jisung, my brother, and our friend Felix all the time.

"Oh, hey Y/n!" Kim Seungmin said with a smile that cause his eyes to crinkle on the sides. "Uh- I- Hi!" Something about him caused me to turn from my usual cool character into a lovesick little girl. The worst part was I didn't mind. "Did you want something, noona?" My brother asked, grabbing my attention again.

"Oh. Yeah, are you guys going to practice tonight?" Seungmin, Felix, and his friend Changbin were all on the football team. The boys would go to all the games and practices to support them and occasionally I would come along (for the view). They nodded and told us they were leaving in about ten minutes. "You mind if we tag along?" Jisung quickly agreed with me and said he would drive us.

"Great! We'll be back in a sec!" I quickly shoved Irene back up the stairs and tossed her a pair of my jeans before trading out my sweatpants for another pair of denim pants. "Why are we going to the practice again?" I threw on a crop top and a light oversized jean jacket. "All of the boys go to support the team. Also I would like an excuse to stare at Seungmin without anyone finding out that I think he is hotter than Minho thinks his reflection is." She chuckled and grabbed a crop hoodie from my closet, knowing I was used to her borrowing my clothes.

The two of us rushed downstairs and got into Jisung's jeep, which he and I often went off roading in after a heavy rain. As we got out of the car, Seungmin came to walk beside me. While he had to leave to get changed, we followed the other boys up into the bleachers and to a pair of boys I vaguely recognized sitting in the middle of the risers. While my brother and Jisung sat next to them, Irene and I sat on the riser below them.

"Chan, Woojin you remember my sister." I looked at the boy my brother identified as Chan and immediately realized why Irene was so infatuated by him as he shook my hand. He was obviously older than us, most likely a fourth year, yet he had this youthful glow about him. He had a bright smile with a cute pair of dimples and fluffy dirty blonde hair. "I'm Y/n and this is my friend, Irene." He smiled at me, his dimples showing as he greeted the both of us. The six of talked as we waited for the team to come out.

"That is the worst name you could possibly have in a high school!" Bangchan laughed. "I'm not lying! My Pre-Cal teacher's name actually is Mrs. Head!" I tried to convince them through laughs that I was indeed telling the truth. "No way!" Irene wiped a tear from her cheek, smiling ear to ear. "The worst part about it is that she's a mouth breather too." With that Jisung laughed so hard he fell backwards between the riser and the ground, effectively causing his butt to become stuck. Everyone but my brother couldn't stop laughing. He just look at us in confusion.

"I don't get it." Jisung leant up about to whisper in my brother's ear. "Hey! Let's save some of his innocence." Chan breathed out between laughs. The coach's whistle sounded and the team came out. We all cheered, but the rest of the group soon went back to their conversation. I however was fixated on player number Six, Seungmin.

"Yeah! Go, Seungmin!" I shouted after he caught a pass from Changbin in a scrimmage down field. I thought I felt someone looking at me, but when I turned all I saw was Bangchan who was watching Irene and Woojin talk about choir. Shrugging it off, I went back to watching the practice.

The coach signaled the team to go in about an hour and a half later, and by then we were the only people left in the stands. My friends moved to the back of the bleachers to wait for our other friends, but I stayed and walked to the fence that lead to the field. Immediatley I spotted Seungmin as he ran towards me taking off his helmet, a huge smile across his face. "Hey, Mr. All Star." I said as he reached me, wrapping and arm around me over the waist high fence. "What's up, Twinkle Toes?"

I blushed at his nickname for me. Ever since he found out I studied ballet, he has held the only girly thing about me over my head for the past four years. I looked down as he laughed at my reaction, blush creeping to my cheeks. "Wait for me?" I nodded and he jogged off to the locker rooms.

I couldn't keep the smile off my face as I walked back to my friends. As I rounded the corner I saw Felix and Changbin were already with everyone. As soon as he saw me he screamed, "Y/N!" The blonde boy sprinted towards me, lifting me over his shoulder and spinning me in circles. "FELIX IF YOU DON'T PUT ME DOWN RIGHT FUCKING NOW I WILL SCRATCH OFF EACH OF YOUR FRECKLES WITH THE REMAINDER OF YOUR GAME CONSOLE!" He laughed, placing me with two feet on the ground.

His smile disappeared when he pulled away and saw the scowl still on my face. "Oh shit. Are you really mad at me?" I smacked him upside the head and broke into a smile. "Ehhh! I knew it! Honorary Aussie Activate!" We high fived each other and screamed, "AUSSIE AUSSIE AUSSIE, OI OI OI!"

Everyone except for probably Chan and Woojin ignored the two of us, used to our relationship. Soon Seungmin joined us and we all stood outside the stadium talking. With the night getting later, a cool breeze started to blow and I started to shiver. "Are you cold?" Chan asked. I shook my head no, but felt something being put around my shoulders. I turned to see Seungmin next to me wrapping his Letterman around my shoulders.

I blushed and pulled the fabric closer to my body. Far too soon, it was getting close to Jisung's curfew and he was our ride, therefore we all went our separate ways and headed home. When we dropped her off, Irene pulled me aside and said, "Do you think you could maybe hang out with Bangchan a little more and get some info for me?" I shrugged. He seemed like a pretty cool guy anyway. She smiled and kissed my cheek telling me to text her tomorrow morning.

I got back in my spot up front with Jisung and he drove us back to our house. Before I could get out of the car, Jisung stopped me. I turned to find him tapping his turned cheek. "I want a goodbye like Irene!" He whined. "You want to know how a girl kisses?" His eyes went wide for a second and then the sophomore vigorously nodded. I could see my brother shift in the backseat. I grabbed his cheek and gave it a long wet lick. "EWWWW Y/N!" He wiped his cheek with his sleeve as Jeongin and I laughed.

"Bye, Jisung!" I called back as we entered the house. Going up to my room, I changed into pjs and got ready for bed. Before I could get under the covers, my phone dinged with a notification. Picking up the device from my night stand, I opened Messenger.

UNKNOWN: hiii🙂 umm it's Chan! Ur brother gave me ur number

Y/n: Um Heyy! Why did you need my number?

Channie: Well u see I have this project for my musical composition class that deals with mixing two art forms that dont normally mix. And Jeongin told me u do ballet. I was wondering if u could help me?😅🙏

He was literally making free sushi the easiest thing ever. He would finish his project, Irene could get her info. It was a Win, Win, and Free Sushi for Y/n!

Y/n: Yeah! Sure! When do you want to meet?

Channie: Is tomorrow during eighth too soon😅

Y/n: nope! I can do that!

Channie: great! U r a life saver!

I smiled thinking this was going to be easier than I thought. I climbed into bed and looked at the Letterman on my desk. After hesitation, I got up and slipped the jacket on before climbing back into bed, and I honestly was not ashamed that I slept in that shit.

_________________________________________

At the beginning of eighth period the next day, I went to the room Chan texted me with my shoes in hand not knowing what to expect. To my surprise he had just asked me to meet in the choir room. Bangchan sat at the piano with a laptop sitting atop the instrument. He played a few chords and then jotted something down on a notepad next to him. "Knock, knock?" He turned at my voice and smiled, his dimples appearing in a cute way. "Look at you coming prepared, shoes and everything!" I laughed and sat next to him when he motioned me to.

"So, I kind of told you what this was about last night." The boy with messy blonde hair and headphones around his neck said. "For my senior project I wanted to try and mix a rap/hip hop/EDM track with ballet choreography. I thought that might make a really cool visual representation on what the project is about." I nodded as I followed along with the older boy's thought process.

"The problem is I am just terrible at classical music, I mean I've had classical training and I took a few ballet classes when I was young, but I just know the bare minimum and that I absolutely cannot do the splits." My mind pictured Chan in one of my classes, my instructor telling him to push his long ass legs down into the splits and I couldn't help but laugh. "Anyway, I was just hoping you could help me adjust the music so it would be easier to choreograph for ballet and maybe dance to it as well....hopefully. You want to listen?" I nodded and he took the headphones around his neck and placed them over my ears, chuckling when they fell down a little too low.

His long fingers reached over and pressed play on the laptop and a soft electronic beat filled my ears. My eyes closed as I listened to the track. It wasn't what I expected it to be based on how he described his idea. It was incredibly complex, but nonetheless pleasant to the ear. My fingers tapped out the beat on my leg and I could kind of see where he was going to add in lyrics or where he might add a bass drop, or switch to the underbelly track. When the song ended, I removed the headphones and looked at the boy next to me.

He smiled and asked if I wanted to listen to it again. I nodded and went to put on my shoes while he switched out the headphones for a wireless headset. Moving to a clear space in the room, Chan started his track again and I just let my feet do what was natural and remembered the beats that could be changed. I kept my movements small so not to go full out in the tiny space. I marked places where I thought maybe a saut de chat or lift might work. As the second bass dropped I tried doing a fuete keeping my feet en pointe and straight. I could feel Chan's eyes on me, but I focused on marking the rest of the song.

Coming down from my toes, I slid the headset from my ears and went to stand in front of the fourth year boy. "I think I can help you." He beamed up at me excited for the project ahead.

A few months had passed and I had spent most of my time with Bangchan working on his project. Most days I could be found in the choir room with him, or at his house in his makeshift recording studio (i.e. his mother's basement). I spent most of my free time with Bangchan whether we were working or not. Usually Chan and I spent free nights on his bedroom floor watching some show he found or hanging out with Jisung and Felix at the diner near my house. I hadn't heard from Irene in weeks. And to be honest, I hadn't noticed she didn't call.

Chan slowly began to replace her as my bestfriend. Nights in with her became afternoons out with him. Morning calls from Irene turned into late night calls from Chan waiting for the sun to come up. He even became my new source for Kim Seungmin problems and how to solve them.

Although, I hadn't heard from Seungmin lately either. It wasn't unusual. This time of the year he usually hid away and focused on his studies so he could still play on the team. I almost forgot what my life was like before I saw Chan every day after school.

It was the friday before the last away game for our school and I arrived early to the choir room to meet Bangchan. He texted me saying that he had almost finished the lyrics for the track so, I decided to come early and set his things up for him. His laptop was set on the piano and both our notebooks were on the bench. I rolled up the hem of my jeans and took off my sneakers. All of a sudden the door burst open and the room was filled with the sound of giggling and hushed whispers. My head shot towards the door and I froze at the sight.

"Y/n?" Seungmin pushed away the girl whose lips were attacking his neck. His cheeks were flushed and his lips were swollen. My brain screamed for me to run, but my muscles wouldn't move. I tried to keep from bursting into tears at the sight of him with someone else. The girl turned and seeing her face felt like a thousand blows to the stomach. "Oh. Hi, Y/n." Irene.

I wanted to say something. I wanted to scream. My eyes burned as I tried to keep back the tears. Seungmin just stared at me jaw slack. Silent. I couldn't hide the pain on my face and Irene scoffed. "Please, you know he never liked you." Something about her small smile didn't allow me to turn away. "It's only fair."

I couldn't take it anymore. My bare feet pushed myself away from the room. If I didn't leave now I would be stuck there; a prisoner of my own heart and mind. I ran down the hall tears finally spilling over and clouding my vision. My body collided with someone's chest and the force sent my already shaky legs tumbling to the floor. "Y/n?" I hid my face and scrambled to my feet. Can't I just get out of here? "Wait! Y/n!" The person yelled after me.

I let my feet carry me as fast as they could, not caring where. My hands reached for the nearest door and finally found a place of solitude. I placed my hands on the wall and tried to brace my shaking hands and legs. Crying wasn't something I was ashamed of. I was just hurt and embarrassed. My chest started to feel tight and there was a pain in my forehead. I tried to focus through the tears to see I was in the empty boys locker room. With shaking hands I placed a hand on my chest as the room started to tilt and spin.

I couldn't breathe.

I stumbled through the locker room and my head started to spin. My hands found a metal knob and I desperately turned it feeling the tiniest bit of relief when the ice cold water hit my skin. The tile wall was the only thing holding me up as the freezing water drenched my hair and clothes. I couldn't stop thinking about them. What she said. How she was right. How I didn't understand. My legs finally gave out and I collapsed onto the floor trying to take deep breaths through the sobs. I clutched my head trying to relieve the pain I felt there. I wanted to scream. I wanted to keep crying but it hurt to do so. My head slowly lowered itself to my knees and I tried to make myself as small as possible. The harsh feel of the water left red marks on my skin as I tried to stifle my cries.

A pair of arms tried to wrap themselves around me, but I struggled against them shouting to leave me be. After awhile, I felt nothing. I looked up to see Bangchan sitting in front of me, letting the cold water fall onto him. His hair and shirt had already drowned in the water. He just looked at me with almost recognition through his wet blonde locks.

"Don't look at me." I managed to say through broken sobs. "Why?"He cocked his head trying to find a way to make contact with my E/c eyes. My mind struggled to find an answer that made sense.

"I-I don't want you to see me break." "Bullshit." His harsh words shocked me and made me jump back a little. He could see his outburst wasn't the right thing to do. "Y/n did you expect him to run in here and apologize for breaking your heart?"

"No, but-"

"This is what heartbreak feels like. It is a literal and figurative battle in every sense of the word. The thing is....." He struggled to find the right words, he himself knowing he could accidentally set me off in my fragile state. My body had started to shiver from the water, but my face still felt the hot tears rolling down my cheeks.

"It's not glorious. It's not beautiful, and it's definitely not heroic because we can't even save ourselves from how we feel. The thing is you are going to get your heart broken again and again and again. I can promise you that. It is the one sure thing in life. It's going to happen until you look like this."

Drops of water fell onto his skin, as he held my gaze. "One day it isn't going to hurt anymore and you will be able to wear your battles proudly on your sleeve. And it won't be because some guy came and rescued you."

He paused a moment letting me process what he said. The sound of the water hitting the tile echoed throughout the room.

"Heartbreak just means we are human."

After a couple minutes of silence I realized he was done speaking and looked up at him. All he did was gently wrap an arm around my waist and pull me into his chest. His fingers tangled themselves in my wet hair and he held me against his body, which felt safe and warm. He traced soothing patterns into the skin on my side to calm my sobs.

Bangchan didn't try to get up. He knew I wasn't ready. He simply let me sit in his arms and be human for a fleeting moment.

Part 2

Masterlist

[mikeshanlon]

he’s all that: chapter one

fandom: it

pairing: reddie (richie tozier/eddie kaspbrak)

word count: 3.8k

on ao3

summary: 

Richie smiled smugly, “You’ve got spunk Kaspbrak. I like that.”

“Why don’t you try shutting the fuck up Tozier,” Eddie retorted as the line moved forward, “So what is this, if not some ploy to get me to tutor you? Some sort of dork outreach program? Because I’m not interested.”

---

Or: The one where Richie Tozier has six weeks to get into a relationship and make someone fall for him. Only problem? That someone is the anxiety ridden, goody two shoes Eddie Kaspbrak, and he can't even stand to be in the same room as Richie.

warnings: there is drug use in that bev/mike/richie are HUGE stoners. 

a/n: hello!!! hope you enjoy this fic, i will try to update it at least every other sunday (i'll figure out the exact number of chapters before i post chapter two, but it probably won't be more than 10). you don't need to have watched she's all that to get this, although there will be some small easter eggs/quotes from the movie. but the movie has not aged well and is very Heteronormative so like.... no need to watch it lmao. 

Senior year— it was what just about any kid in the public schooling system looked forward to. You were high school royalty, enjoying the last hurrah with booze and dancing before being sent off to make your mark on the world. Lanky limbs that weren’t yet grown into became muscled and toned, hips were wider and swayed. Brains were wiser, skin was touched more, and smiles were brighter. It was a time of transformation and change.

Except, senior year was almost over, and Richie Tozier felt like he hadn’t really changed at all. Sure, in the last four years he shot up to 6’2, his voice was deeper, and he wasn’t such a fucking outcast; but really nothing else felt different. He still only passed his classes on genius alone, had a problem respecting authority figures (partially due to the fact that his parents were still pieces of shit), and never knew when to shut the fuck up.

Derry, Maine itself stayed the same too, like a town in a snow globe encased with mom-and-pop businesses and ignorance. Other than iPhones, the small Starbucks on the corner of Main and Belmont, and the fact that the townspeople were slightly less homophobic and racist (slightly being the operative word); Derry was pretty much a time capsule for banana bikes, bullies, and double features with popcorn that had too much salt and not enough butter.

Take the cliques and social hierarchy-- a staple in any American high school, especially one in a small town. Despite it being the 21st century, the cafeteria still had tables for jocks, geeks, nerds, and preps, straight from some 80’s or 90’s teen flick.

Richie, like most things in his life, didn’t necessarily fit into one group or the other, toeing the line between social pariah and popular party dude. He supposed it was the side effects of being the class clown with too-big-for-his-face glasses, a diagnosis for ADHD, and his tendency blazing at any given moment. Funny and wild enough to show up to any party, but not exactly cool enough to hang out with for anything else.

Honestly, it didn’t matter either way, because instead of worrying about what table to eat the cafeteria’s barely edible food at, Richie usually spent his lunch smoking with his friends. It was time to catch up and unwind before the last few classes of the day— and there was no way he could get through chemistry without being high.

As soon as the shrill bell rang, Richie hopped out of his seat, grabbing his shit before placing his (probably failed) history quiz on the teacher’s desk on his way out into the halls.

He weaved through the couples sucking face and the worried AP students, his unruly black curls bouncing like a hyperactive halo around his head as he walked towards his locker.

“‘Sup Tozier!” someone called out to him, a familiar face at the weekend ragers, although he never learned his actual name.

Richie nodded, “Hey, what’s up Keg King?”

“Not much. Hey, you coming to see me defend my title this weekend?”

“Wouldn't miss it for the world,” Richie smiled lazily, patting the other boy on the back before strolling along.

It wasn’t a coincidence that his smile faltered as he passed what was left of the Bower’s gang. He and Hockstetter had graduated the year prior, although like most bumfuck racists hellbent on beating up ‘dorks and queers’, they stayed in Derry. The remaining two, Belch and Victor Criss, weren’t nearly as powerful or psychotic as their elders, but they had a reputation to uphold. They weren’t exactly slamming him down on the asphalt in front of the arcade like they did in middle school, but they weren’t friendly either. Mutual respect was even a stretch. He’d enjoy seeing them get their asses handed to them, and he was sure they felt the same.

Richie popped open his locker, catching the loose papers and pencils that inevitably fell out. A small mirror hung on the blue metal door, rendered practically useless because of all the smudges covering it. The remaining space was littered with stickers of indie bands, and post-its with doodles and notes to himself or from his friends.

Have a great day trashmouth <3- bevs

Sparknotes ‘Pygmalion’

Come to the quarry after school!-mike

It’s a good day to be gay

Next time u get drunk enough 2 facetime us reading the entire bee movie script pls invite us so we dont have 2 deal w/ that sober- b+m

Buy more cigs and weed

U lewk hott big sexxxi ;) - xoxo

Richie was unashamed to say he wrote the last one to himself one day when he looked particularly good.

He struggled to stuff his history folder into the looming mess, but eventually crammed it in there, slamming the door shut before anything else could fall out.

After checking that he did indeed have his lighter, bag of weed, and papers in his denim jacket, Richie made his way to their usual spot. They liked to smoke at the stairs behind the art room, which was tucked away in the back of the school, overlooking the field that separated them and the middle schoolers.

Throwing open the orange door to the stairs in his usual dramatic fashion, he found his two closest friends, “Ms. Marsh, Lord Michael, how fare thee chaps today?” Richie greeted in his (awful) british accent.

Beverly Marsh rolled her eyes as she lit her joint, “Fine, until I heard that horrible voice.”

Richie threw a hand on his chest, a pained expression painted on his face, “Oh, how you hurt me so.”

“Hey, I mean it is his best impression,” Mike Hanlon commented from the steps, fist bumping Richie as he sat down across from Beverly on the top of the stairs, back to the railing. The sweet boy lit up the bowl in his pipe, inhaling deeply.

“Aw, thank you Mikey, you sure know how to make a girl swoon,” he cooed, mimicking a southern belle.

“Well, you don’t really have any good one’s in the first place,” Mike smirked, blowing out the smoke in his mouth while Beverly snorted, taking another drag.

Richie rolled his eyes, taking out his bag of weed, “Fuck off Hanlon.”

Mike extended an olive branch in the form of paper lunch bag filled with a sandwich, chips, and a can of coke. It was a daily occurrence for them— the Tozier’s rarely had any food, and even if Richie wanted to eat from the cafeteria, he didn’t exactly get a lot of money from them.

“My upcoming munchies thank you dear friend.”

He opened his bag of weed, attempting to balance the paper on his knees so he could roll his own joint. This failed miserably as the weed fell out, getting all over his Radiohead t-shirt.

“Shit.”

Beverly sighed, holding out her hand, “Let me roll it Tozier, you and I both know I’m better at it anyways.”

“What?! I’m perfectly capable of doing it by myself. I roll a damn good joint Marsh,” he shot back incredulously.

She plucked a stray piece of weed and gave him a pointed look. Richie groaned before handing his stuff over, Beverly handing him her own joint to smoke on in the meantime.

“How’s your day been Rich?” Mike asked from his spot on the steps. Typical farm boy, concerned with his friends. Richie often wondered how such an angelic person hung out with him and Bev, but Mike had his fair share of rebellious traits.

“Ah, well, you can tell it’s been just dandy. I can’t wait till we get out of this fucking hell hole,” Richie scoffed before taking a hit.

“Only seven more weeks,” Beverly reminded, eyes and hands focused on rolling.

Mike nodded, “Crazy. Can’t believe we’re finally graduating.”

“Thank fucking god, Derry is a suffocating shithole,” he said, “I know I’m an idiot, but Jesus, everyone here is a fucking bigot.”

“Yeah,” Mike agreed, not saying much else. They understood. It was hard being one of the only black kids in school, let alone pansexual (although most people didn’t know this about him). The prejudice he faced wasn’t something he often spoke about, trying to be as positive as possible.

“This kid in english was saying bisexuals are sluts today,” Richie successfully blew a few smoke rings, “Like, I am one, but not because of my sexuality, asswipe.”

Bev laughed humorlessly, handing Richie the freshly rolled joint and taking back her own, “No need to tell me what that’s like.”

No, the redhead had been getting called a slut over nothing since the seventh grade; the rumors and shaming only getting worse when she too came out as bi.

A comfortable and reflective silence fell over the three, occupied with their thoughts and getting high. Richie placed the joint in between his chapped lips; struggling to light the tip as his white lighter sputtered, on it’s last moments of life. Mumbled expletives fell out of his mouth before he was successful, inhaling deeply and holding the smoke in before letting it all escape.

His dark brown eyes scanned the poorly maintained sports field, filled mostly with middle schoolers running around and yelling. Part of him envied the carefree nature of it all, but the other remembered how fucking shitty middle school was and any jealousy washed away.

Not too far from them was what was dubbed as ‘the kissing tree’. The old trunk was littered with carvings, initials surrounded by hearts claiming that their love was ‘forever’. It was juvenile, small town as fuck, and heteronormative— though most things surrounding romance in Derry were.

Of course, Richie had been obsessed with it as a preteen, and knew his own name was on there (a few times).

What caught his eye now were the couple under it, making out passionately, flush against one another, like if they stopped they’d die.

Honestly, that would be preferable, as one of them was Gretta Keene, one of Richie’s biggest mistakes.

Gretta was one of the most popular girls in school, and she was also a grade A bitch. Her green eyes sent glares akin to daggers, and her lipgloss covered lips provided insults that went too far. Including frequently calling Beverly a slut.

It wasn’t like Richie had a huge crush on her or anything. Their relationship was merely born from constantly being at the same parties, cross faded and wanting a quick hook up to distract themselves. Mike had commented that it was only a matter of time, except one became many more, despite the fact that Gretta only got with jocks.

Their arrangement caused Bev to freeze Richie out for two months last semester, breaking their four year streak for best couples costume at Betty Ripsom’s annual Halloween Party. Bev was more important to him by a long shot, but per usual, he kept fucking everything up.

Most of their ‘moments’ were shared in some stranger's bed, or dancing in a kitschy living room to pop music, sharing a blunt or swigs from a bottle of whiskey. None of it was on purpose, but rather a byproduct of being intoxicated and having a high sex drive.

In fact, they had only been on two actual dates when they were together. The first was at the drive-in a town over, the pair sat in Richie’s beat up station wagon, some shitty b-movie playing on the large projector. Gretta shared a pack of cigarettes with him, and it was probably the only kind thing she had ever done. Richie tried to make conversation, so that their relationship actually had some sort of substance other than weed and alcohol; but Gretta quickly shut him up, sticking her cherry coke flavored tongue down his throat.

He took her out to his favorite diner for their other date, figuring that they might have a chance to actually get to know one another without an acceptable place to make out. They sat on opposite sides of a booth outlooking Main street, an old-timey song playing on the jukebox.

This plan proved to be a grave mistake, because Richie finally understood why Bev often said, “Satan himself thinks Gretta Keene is too cruel.”

He repressed the memory, if he remembered it he’d get too pissed off. Instead, Richie thought of their break-up, how she had beat him to the punch.

He had been waiting at her locker, leaning against #405 and picking at his nails, humming a song by The Smiths under his breath. Gretta approached, clad in a pink mini-skirt and a tight crop top, smacking her half-priced bubblegum.

Richie cleared his throat, standing upright, ready to chew her the fuck out for being such a horrible person, “Gretta, let’s talk—“

“We’re through Tozier.”

“What the fuck?!” He had gaped at her, “No, I was going to breakup with you!”

Gretta shooed him away with her manicured hands, “Please, you’re a fucking nobody. Irrelevant. You should be glad we even fucked around this long.”

A small crowd had formed around the two, “You’re the one who kept coming back for more.”

“And you’re the one who actually thought this could be something. So cute. But I don’t date losers and I don’t date attention-whores like you.”

Like he said, grade A bitch.

“Jealous?” Mike snapped Richie from his thoughts.

His cheeks reddened, embarrassed that he was caught staring, “What? No. I pity the poor bastard that’s with her. Fucking breath smells like a fucking dog ate a pack of Winston’s. Straight up ass.”

Beverly chuckled, but her eyes held a little bit of resentment, “You used to smoke those Winston’s with her.”

“I thought we had an agreement that we would never speak of the Great Gretta Keene Mistake again?”

“Sure, but you’re the one watching her,” Mike pointed out, packing a new bowl, “Missing the one that got away?”

The other boy’s tone was joking but Richie sent him a glare, “She’s fucking irrelevant to me okay?”

They hummed in agreement, but he could see the slight doubt on their faces.

Richie ripped open his bag of chips and threw one in his mouth, “She thinks she’s such hot fucking shit, but she’s so replaceable.”

“Richie, it’s rude to speak with your mouth full,” Mike admonished his bad manners.

“That’s not what your ol’ pops said last night when I was suck-“

“Beep beep, Richie,” Mike warned.

Bev shook her head, “Really Rich? His grandpa?”

“When opportunity strikes,” he flashed a shit eating grin before taking another hit.

“Anyways, while I second the sentiment that Gretta isn’t all that, you haven’t exactly had a relationship since her,” Bev accused.

“Okay, what the fuck is this, ‘pick on Richie day’?” he said, readjusting his position, “Besides, I’ve been with plenty of other people.”

“Please, this isn’t middle school, and I’m still not buying the whole ‘my bedpost is covered in notches’ bit,” Bev inspected the joint between her fingers, now just a stub.

“Well, obviously it’s not. I’ve had sex in many different beds. Yours included,” Richie smirked.

“Beep beep. You know you aren’t allowed over after you almost burned down my aunt’s apartment.”

“The apartment was fine. Everyone knows if you put the temperature up super high food cooks faster. Those tater-tots would’ve been delicious. Bon-appetit,” Richie spoke in a poor french accent, and his eyes widened, “Bon-appetot. Bon-appetatertot.”

He fell into a fit of giggles and Mike chuckled across from him.

“You are a walking disaster Richie Tozier,” Bev said, though an amused smile sat on her lips.

“Richie’s poor life choices aside… One night stands and drunken make out sessions don’t count,” Mike returned to their previous topic, “I mean something sort of serious. Something you put effort into.”

“I don’t put effort into anything Michael dear,” Richie countered.

“Not true. You put effort into a lot of dumb shit,” Bev put out her joint, “Like when you tried to climb the water tower at 3 am naked. Or the time you tried to get the principal to grind with you at homecoming.”

“You can’t blame me for that. Mrs. Marton is a vixen. Can’t believe she resisted my charms.”

Mike laughed, shaking his head, “Point is, it kinda seems like you’re stuck in a rut.”

“I get plenty of action,” Richie boasted, taking a drag from his joint, “Plus, I could make any girl or guy in this piece of shit school fall in love with me.”

“That a bet?” Bev grinned mischievously.

“You know what, why the fuck not?” Richie shrugged. He was bored, and he wanted his friends off his fucking back, “Terms and conditions?”

“Mike and I get to choose the sorry fuck who you’ll be pursuing—“

“No, I don’t wanna be a part of this. Isn’t it kinda fucked up? Getting with someone for a bet? Why don’t you just try to date someone without an ulterior motive?” Mike suggested.

Richie rolled his eyes, adopting an Australian accent, “Now where’s the fun in that mate?”

“Don’t say I didn’t warn you.”

“You get till prom to sweep this person off their feet. A committed relationship, not just a hookup. If you win I’ll get you a shit ton of the finest weed the county can offer,” Bev continued, “If you lose—“

“No need to tell me, because I won’t fail,” Richie smirked, “I’m a total knockout.”

Bev’s face mirrored his own, “Fine, it’s your funeral.”

Both of them spit into their palms before shaking their hands, bonding the bet.

“C’mon, let’s go find them— you only have six weeks.”

The three of them packed up their shit, passing around the rest of Richie’s joint so it wouldn’t go to waste before they headed inside. Bev spritzed some perfume on them in an attempt to mask the smell of weed, making Richie smell fruity and floral. He popped a stick of spearmint gum in his mouth, deciding to save his sandwich for AP Calc next block.

It was a rare occurrence for them to roam the halls before the lunch bell rang, so a few of the students stared at them as they went on their search. Mike smiled at just about everyone they passed, a fucking angel per usual.

“What about him, he’s kinda cute,” Bev suggested, nodding her head to a blonde boy holding a skateboard.

Richie shook his head, “We made out at that beach bonfire over the summer. He almost vommed in my fucking mouth. The money maker! These beautiful lips are fuckin sacred— how could I smooch and tell amazing jokes if he fucked em up? These babies ooze charisma and sex appeal.”

“More like ooze bullshit,” Mike quipped.

“I think you’re just jealous that you won’t be the one I’m wooing Mike n Ike.”

Bev snorted, “I pity the poor fuck who you’ll be annoying till prom,” her eyes lit up, and she turned to Mike, “Hey, we might be able to enjoy some peace and quiet for a while!”

“The minute we became best friends with Richie I gave up all hope for tranquility.”

“Hey!” He protested, although Mike was right.

“And I wouldn’t have it any other way,” the other boy finished sweetly.

Richie planted a sloppy kiss on his cheek, “Oh Mikey, you are the most wholesome-est boy I ever did meet,” he slipped into his southern belle persona, “What about you Bevvy darlin’, got any words to butter up my biscuit? To milk my udder?”

She rolled her eyes and continued walking ahead of them, turning into another hallway.

“Fine, I know you love me Marsh,” Richie used his long lanky legs to his advantage, catching up to stroll alongside her quickly, “What about Betty Ripsom?”

Bev scoffed, “Please, too easy.”

“What?! She’s like, a good ol’ Christian girl. I’m a deviant! My skype username used to be tozier666! Or wait, it was tozier42069… I can’t remember.”

“C’mon Richie, we all know she had a massive crush on you freshman year,” Bev replied.

Mike nodded in agreement, “You wouldn’t shut up about it.”

“Like most things,” Bev said, “Anyways, you’d just use that to your advantage. Although, I am liking the whole ‘polar opposite’ approach.”

Richie groaned, of course he had a hand in his own misfortune.

They continued to travel the halls, Beverly’s baby blue eyes scouring for a victim.

“You sure are digging your own grave today Rich,” Mike commented.

Richie nodded, “R.I.P. Richard Tozier. Big Mouth and even Bigger Wan—“

“Found ‘em,” Bev interrupted, a grin on her face.

She pointed down the hallway in front of them, where two boys conversated as everyone walked around them. The taller one had auburn hair, and was lanky like Richie, although the other boy seemed a little more muscular. The other looked like a fucking middle schooler, and Richie wasn’t sure how the little brat even got in there.

It took a minute, but Richie realized that he did actually recognize them. They didn’t interact much, not being in the same circles, but the two boys had been going to school with him since the days of recess. And they had been bullied since then too.  

So, correction, she pointed to where two of the biggest losers in school were talking about what was presumably some nerdy shit. Great.

“What, Big Bill?” Richie raised an eyebrow, “He’s not too bad. Ignore the stutter and the fact that he’s best friends with total dorks and you have a shy lil cutie. Nice handiwork Marsh.”

“You know, you’re a total dork and we’re still friends with you,” Mike quipped, his own way of chastising Richie.

Bev shook her head ‘no’, “Not Denbrough, the other one.”

Richie’s eyes settled on the smaller boy, and the realization that he was totally and utterly fucked set in.

Eddie Kaspbrak. The kid peaked at 5’6, and his lack of muscles along with the fact that he wore an honest to fucking god fanny pack didn’t help his 12 year old boy appearance. Of course, the fanny pack got worse— it was full of pills, eye drops, hand sanitizer, lotion, chapstick, and most importantly, his inhaler. Yes, Eddie was a fucking asthmatic hypochondriac and germaphobe, with an equally insane mother. Richie didn’t doubt that the asshole spent more time perusing WebMD than texting or checking social media.

He wore chunky turtlenecks in the winter, and in the hotter months, his tanned legs adorned tube socks and short-shorts (they were awful, although Richie had to admit they made his ass look great). His small hands gripped onto his stuffed backpack (kid already had a fanny pack full of shit, what else did he have to bring to school?). Eddie’s brown hair was always found in a overly gelled comb over, not a hair out of place. He reminded Richie of an off-brand Fred Savage with severe anxiety.

Mostly, Richie knew Eddie Kaspbrak would hate just about every little thing he did. There was no way they’d even be friends, let alone anything more.

“You’ve gotta be fucking kidding me Bev.”

a/n: thanks for reading!!! richie and eddie will actually talk next chapter, don't worry. also for any concerned about the gretta/richie thing it's not Too Big of a Deal as it is in the movie, i just need it for some plot points (but overall richie is like 100% over gretta and it was just something stupid he did).

[franeridart]

I don't know if I like what the manga is doing with the eri story wise right now. Like, after the new chapter, if eri's quirk ends up doing what I think it does, it will probably be a huge loss for the manga story wise. (I love mirio and nighteye, but in this situation, to get them back this way, would probably feel like a huge cop out)

Ah, can’t say you find me on your side on this, anon - generally I’m a positive person! And I like bnha because it’s a positive story! So, yeah, if Eri’s gonna fix it and avoid deaths and permanent damages all around I’m not gonna mind it one bit. I understand your position on this tho, and I’m pretty sure you’re not alone on it. I guess it’s about what you’re looking for in a story, and what the point the story means to bring across is to begin with - you say that having an all around positive outcome to this arc is gonna be a loss for the manga, but bnha isn’t snk. It’s not Tokyo Ghoul, or D.Gray-man, or any other story made to drive across the point that life is sad and sad things happen and you just gotta deal with it as best as you can. The general point of HeroAca, since the very beginning, is that luck exists! Things can turn out for the best! Look at it, our protagonist didn’t even have a quirk and now he’s got the best one out there. Literally became the successor to the greatest hero alive without doing anything aside from being a nice guy

I mean. I get why you’d wish for a... more real story, I guess. I get that you might like the angst and the realness of life being shitty and bad things happening and all that jazz. But that’s never been bnha’s point? Since the very start? Deku’s whole arc is turning into a fight to show you that you should never lose hope and that even set futures can still be rewritten - and, about that, there’s also how big part of this arc is still about Nighteye and what he saw in All Might’s future, and about Deku wanting to prove that he doesn’t have to die, so a girl that can literally rewind said future to make it go some other way? That’s exactly what you need to counter Nighteye’s quirk. Deku might talk about twisting fate all he wants, but considering how Nighteye’s quirk works and how precise and definitive it is, without something that can make what Nighteye saw happen just to bring it back and change it there was no way Deku could have done much.

As I said, I get why you’d be disappointed in the possibility of a total fix-it, but as far as bnha’s plot goes I don’t think the story’s gonna lose anything with simply keeping up the positive-to-a-naive-point look on life it has always had, if that’s what it decides to do. You might end up finding the story less good then you’d been expecting, but that’s because you were seeing bnha as a genre it has never even tried to be. This is still a story in which at some point holding hands saved the day, after all haha

Anon said:you always thanks horikoshi for your life but seriously, thank you, for my life

sob you’re so sweet oh my GOD ;O; thank you so much, I’m so so happy you’re liking my stuff!!!

Anon said:YOUR LATEST KIRIBAKU COMIC KILLED ME AND I THANK YOU FOR THAT YOU TALENTED HUMAN BEING

WAAAHHHHHHHH I’M GLAD YOU LIKED IT OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!

Anon said:Would you ever draw anything nsfw or at least a little bit steamy?? I would love to see some of that in you style

That’s actually answered in my faq! But yeah to keep it short the answer is nope, I try to keep my blogs as sfw as I can manage! Also why would you want to see that sorta thing in my style omfg hahaha I feel like it would just end up looking wrong lmao

Anon said:im legit crying over this kiribaku comic 😭😭😭 bless you

I’m super happy you liked it but please don’t cry omfg !!!!*hands you tissues* 

Anon said:......LISTen!! !! ! I LOVE U SO MUCH!!! !! ! and thank u for the super quality content b l e s s u p! ! !!!

AAAAHHHHH I LOVE U TOO THANK YOU SO MUCH !!!!!!!

Anon said:I rambled about it and I'm still blown away by it but that comic made my day so so so so so much I feel blessed. I was so excited when I saw how much there was and all of it!!! Was so good!!!! The art was consistently amazing and gosh u blow me away ur so good!!! I know it must've taken a lot and doing all that and SO WELL in 3 days??? I rlly appreciate the effort u put in and I wanted to let you know I think it was incredible C: I hope ur having as lovely as a day as that comic made mine

I’m gonna legit start sobbing, thank you so so so so much ;O; it did take a whole damn lot of work, but with how nice you’re being I feel like it was 100% worth it!!!

Anon said:your comic totally made my saturday, kiri is so cuuute wtf?? and baku so hella pretty? i mean, the way you draw him?? i cant rlly explain it but thank you for this beauty on my dashboard. i have all those warm mushy feelings when i see your stuff

Thank you!!!! and I’m happy I could make you feel the mushy feels hahaha feeling mushy mush is good I’m always glad when I’m told I managed to convey that !!!!

Anon said:your comics were so cute and so well drawn!! your art always puts a smile on my face :)

And your nice words put a smile on mine so now we’re both smiling and happy!!!!!! I love that!!!!!! :D

Anon said:bless you and thank you for the kiribaku content, you're making my day every time dude

You’re all!!!! so kind!!!!!!! aaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! thank you

Anon said:dRAW KIRISHIMA'S BLACK HAIR SPIKY OMG

That’s actually a nice idea, but can I maybe ask you to come around again with a “please” and “could you”? I’m sure you didn’t mean anything bad by it and I love the enthusiasm, but I prefer it when people are being polite when asking for stuff out of me

Anon said:Okay, how bout this? Bakushima Skyrim AU. This might be a little too close to the fantasy AU but hear me out. So Bakugoi Katsuki is a Breton Spellsword who is commanded by his lord (Aizawa) to go help the Empire with the Stormcloak Rebellion, he is then sent to Helgen by General Tullius to investigate its sudden communication silence. He then meets Kirishima (Eric the Slayer) at Rorikstead who is immediately fascinated by him, they end up traveling together and discover that Bakugo is dragonborn

I mean!!! That sounds like an incredible concept!!! But I’ve never played skyrim in my life before and I could barely manage to follow this ask all the way through, so I’m probably not the best person to suggest this to haha

Anon said:is momo your first option for our lil rocker lesbian or is it mina?

What a question! And one I don’t have a proper answer to, actually - I like both of them equally but for completely different reasons? MomoJirou is the type of ship I sorta see as more or less canon, like, they’re pretty damn obvious aren’t they? And they’re besties! And the aesthetics work so well! So generally I’m like, if I gotta pick one person for Jirou, basing the decision solely on canon stuff, I’m gonna pick Momo. They’re soft and warm too, have sort of a coffee-shop-AU feel to them, I love it

On the other hand Jirou and Mina don’t really have a significant relationship in canon yet - they’re friends and chill together now and again, but haven’t really interacted much in a proper way for me to say “yes, I can see it, this is a ship with some serious foundation” like I can with Momo. But. I understand this ship in a way I can’t seem to manage with MomoJirou. What Jirou would love in Mina and what Mina would love in Jirou, why they’d love each other, how they’d spend their time together and what the general feel of their story would be - the mood of it and the reasons behind it, I understand them, and I can’t seem to manage to do that with Momo yet.

So the actual answer is, if it’s about which of the two gives me more of a “this might actually be canon” feel, then it’s Momo. I do believe they love each other and their relationship is lovely. But if it’s about which of the two I have more fun thinking about, then Mina. It’s two very different ships with very different moods, after all haha

Anon said:your latest warm up my heart!!! man i love how you draw izuku and eri and mirio and well all of them but you dont often draw izuku especially congrats i never want to look away from it

I’M GLAD YOU LIKED THAT ONE I’m actually weirdly proud of how that Izuku came out since usually I can barely manage to make him look like himself, so!!!! thank you!!!!!!

Anon said:Fran, hi! I saw some drawings of you (like, YOU) and I got under the impression that you're really tall??? Would you mind telling us your height? If it's too weird and it gets you uncomfortable, please, just ignore!

I decieved you, anon lmao I’m ~160cm, more or less like my girl Mina! Still the tallest girl in my family, but a small bean none the less in the grand scheme of things haha

Anon said:EVERY AU WHERE ALMA LIVES AND IS TOGETHER WITH YUU BEING HAPPY AND LOVED IS A VERY VERY GOOD AU!!! 💕

WHAT A CONSTANT ETERNAL MOOD THO

Anon said:Looking at your art reminds me that there still are good things to look forward to. Thank you.

This is such a soft ask??? Oh my god???? Thank you so much for the kind feeling!!!

Anon said:you did!! A background on the momojirou!! And I LOVE IT!!

I’M HAPPY YOU LIKED IT!!!!! It’s just flowers, tho haha

Anon said:Your art is so nice to look at, it's really soft and pretty and looking at it makes me really happy!! I fell in love with your style the moment I saw it. Thank you for making such lovely art and posting it here, I really appreciate getting to see it ♡♡♡

;O; thank you so much oh my god!!!! I still feel like it’s sort of all over the place, but this ask makes me feel so much better about it aaah!!!!!!

Anon said:minajirou!! i never thought about so thank you fran bcause its so cute!! and soft!! and bright!! my best girls yess

THEY’RE GOOD AREN’T THEY bright beautiful ladies they make me so happy hahaha

Anon said:Your blog has changed my life for the better. thank you

I’m sure that’s an exaggeration omfg but I’m happy I can make you happy!!!

Anon said:Gosh Fran, I just wait for Kirishima with his hair down to be animated. Thank god you indulge us with your doodles of his fluffy hair down while we wait! On another note... I love how you add some random details in your drawings (like Kiri's tag sticking out lol).

THANK YOU for noticing even the small things like that hahaha some details like that are more for my personal amusement than anything else, but it’s nice to know some people pick up on them too hahaha

[teamkaiforever]

BABY SISTER           - PART II

Kai Parker x Reader word count : 4 059 summary : continues the story from part I … note : apologies for taking so long. i hope you like it :) *not my gif _________________________________     “You really did it this time big brother.” sighed Y/N as they headed out of town through one of the back roads of Mystic Falls. “Did – did you do the same for Liv or?” Kai turned towards her with blank expression on his face. Thought had crossed his mind , he even had an extra vial with vampire blood when he went to see his baby sister but he hadn’t done it. Now he couldn’t stand seeing Y/N’s eyes so red and puffy , specially knowing he was the one who had caused it. Of all the people on this planet his baby sis was the last person he wanted to hurt.     “I did it again , didn’t I ?” he sighed. “I never wanted to cause you pain sis. You have to know that. It was the only way to for us both to be safe from our father. I promised you to protect you and I did exactly that. I’ll find a way to make it up to you.” Y/N sniffled looking at the road ahead. It was dark and the headlights were the only thing providing any light. Kai had avoided answering her question , which only confirmed what she already knew.     “A ‘sorry’ would be a nice start.” she mumbled. Kai placed his hand on her shoulder , making her turn towards him. His eyes had started to water and he looked like a lost puppy. Seeing Kai like this broke her heart all over again.     “I am sorry. I should’ve saved Liv she — she wasn’t that bad was she ?” he thought out loud. “Maybe one of your friends got to her and saved her. I hope someone did —” ___________________ THREE MONTHS LATER Living in New Orleans was a lot different than living in Portland. There were a lot more vampires and witches and even werewolfs than Y/N and Kai had originally thought. It didn’t take them long to meet the Originals and that turned Kai into the big overprotective brother after he realised all three brothers took quite the liking to his younger sibling. Ever since the first moment they saw his baby sister Elijah , Kol and Klaus started doing whatever they could to win her over. He would rarely leave them alone and often used magic to cloak himself and make sure they treat his baby sister properly or else.  To Y/N it felt weird at first since no one in her life had ever shown interest in her , specially not like that and definitely not in those proportions. Three months later the three brothers continued trying to win Y/N’s heart. Klaus would spend hours talking art with her and impressing her with his paintings while Elijah would show off with his book collection and knowledge about classical music. Kol wasn’t further behind - he had figured out Y/N likes all things witch related so he showed her all the dark objects , thought her how to make them and showed her his mother’s grimoars. Every time each of the brothers came up with something new and different , competing for her affections. Kai and Klaus became good friends after realising they had a lot in common - both their fathers had rejected them because they were born different. Both had had their parents call them an abomination and now they were hybrids , one of the few ones left in the world. They’d often go grab a bite together and get into trouble along with Kol. Elijah was more guarded than the rest of his siblings and Kai didn’t really connect with him but Y/N appeared to like him quite a lot because somehow they’d spend hours and hours together at the library - reading and listening to Bach and Mozart. Kai had no clue his baby sister likes that kind of music but he liked seeing her happy and spending time with the eldest of the Originals had a way to make her smile just with his presence. Kai still couldn’t figure out how that was possible. One Kol had tried to kiss Y/N and Kai had intervened unsure that’s what his sister wanted. He couldn’t understand why she was upset with him after that but she had explained to him that she feels something for the brother — and not just for him , which had confused Kai more than ever.       “What – how can you do that ?” he wondered. “Isn’t loving more than one person that way at the same time impossible ?  God , emotions are so confusing. I don’t think I’ll ever understand them.” Y/N sat next to Kai on her bed , wrapping her arms around his shoulders. Her big brother was learning to deal with emotions but still it was taking time. He was doing better every time but it appeared that just when he thought he got the hang of it - something surprised him.     “Actually it is but its confusing as hell. ” she laughed. “And what are you talking about? You are doing perfectly fine.” she said softly. “Look at me - I am a mess too when it comes to those things. I don’t know what do to or to say. My head is spinning 24/7 these days.” Kai laughed placing his hand on his sister’s. “You always know what to say sweet cheeks. I promise not to do that again , but - ” he sighed. “I just don’t want you to get hurt.”     “I love you big brother.” she said kissing his cheek. “Come on , Klaus and Elijah are probably waiting for us. Elijah said he has a surprise for me. I wonder what it is.”     “Maybe another book?” said her brother , getting up from the bed. “I am worried about you sis - you spend so much time reading. When do you have fun?”     “Reading can be fun — and so is spending time with Elijah.” she said blushing a little.     “Wait – is he the other ? OH  sis. That would be awkward. Even I know that.” he muttered. “You know , I think Klaus has a thing for you ? He keeps asking me all sorts of things about you - whats your favourite dessert , your favourite colour. It’s annoying really. All he wants to talk about with me is you.” Y/N stared at her brother for a few moments , starting to laugh. “OH brother. I’m doomed.” A WEEKS LATER Kai sneaked into his sister’s room in their apartment. It was around 2AM on her birthday and since he had missed so many , he wanted to make up for them. He pushed the door open , carrying a plate with their favourite cupcakes , candles and a lighter in his pocket. Y/N had curled up on her bed sleeping. Years later he still saw his four year old sister laying there hugging her stuffed bear Beary. A small smile spread across his face and he took a few steps inside , sitting on the bed hiding the cupcakes behind his back.     “Wake up sweet cheeks.” he said smiling , lightly poking her in the shoulder. “Its your birthday. Waaakkeee uuuppp.” Y/N stirred in her sleep and he poked her again and again until she woke up. Her eyes opened slowly and then widened seeing the cupcakes with the candles lighting up. Kai couldn’t tear his gaze away - her eyes had lit up just like every time he had sneaked into her room when she as little.     “Happy Birthday sis.” said Kai. “Sorry , I just couldn’t wait until the morning. It’s been so long since I could say HAPPY BIRTHDAY to you and I just - I am so excited. Ready to make a wish ?” Y/N looked at him with a wide smile on her face and closed her eyes blowing out the candles almost at once , making only one wish - for them to always be together. Kai grinned at her leaving the plate on the nightstand and wrapped his arms around her. Eighteen years worth of lonely birthdays , when only Jo cared enough to make something special for her and even that had been behind their father’s back. Now her entire world had fallen completely into place and she couldn’t be happier to spend this most special of days with her most favourite person in the world.     “I have the best brother in the world.” she smiled , feeling tears gathering in her eyes. “Can’t believe after all this time you still remembered my birthday.”     “And I can’t believe you didn’t say a word to me or to the Mikaelson’s about it.” teased Kai. “I promise to make this day the happiest most special one ever. There are 18 years worth of birthdays to make up for -”     “Just having you back is more than enough. I don’t need anything else.” she smiled feeling a tear roll down her cheek.     “Wh-why is there water pooling in your eyes? Wait – what is this called ? Happy crying ?” he asked. Y/N nodded. Kai wondered what her reaction would be at the end of the day after the big surprise. “Hey , maybe you are right ! I am getting better at this emotions thing. OH and there is something else , but you will have to wait for that till the morning. And — raspberries or strawberries ? Which ones you want on your birthday cake ?”     “Kai , I already told you I dont –”     “I am not taking 'no’ as an answer so - cake ?” Y/N sighed , yet another thing she and her brother had in common. “Okay. How about chocolate on top of chocolate with extra chocolate?” she said taking one of the cupcakes , swiping some of the frosting with her finger before taking a bite and getting frosting all over her face. “Mmmm … Tell me you made more of those.” Kai beamed at her , grabbing the tissue box near by her bed , cleaning up the frosting from her face.     “Every time sweet cheeks. How do you keep doing that?” he laughed. “And yes - I made you two dozens. Thought you might want more of them — and about that cake. Don’t you think that’s too much chocolate?”     “There is no such thing as 'too much chocolate’. You know that.” Y/N finished her cupcake and reached for another one while Kai looked at her with wide eyes and a grin on his face. The past few months hadn’t been easy for them and for a while after the wedding , Y/N hadn’t really been talking to him but eventually they had talked and worked things out. All they had was each other and their brother / sister bond only got stronger as time passed.     “Are you going to eat all of them without offering me one ?” teased Kai. Y/N laughed. “Cuz thats offensive. I spent like 2 hours making you those.”     “I thought it was my birthday.” she said serious for a moment watching her brother stare at her with an amused expression on his face. “They are not just for me , you know.” Kai reached for the plate but Y/N grabbed it and moved it out of his grasp , again and again each time he tried.     “This is payback , for what I did when Kol tried to kiss you isn’t it ?” Instead of falling asleep again , that night they spent talking and eating cupcakes. Y/N told him about the surprise dinner date Elijah had made for her the day before. The original vampire had turned their favourite room at the compound - the library - into a scene from a fairy tale. Twinkling lights had been hanging all around a small arch mixed with pastel colour flowers and there had been a young mad playing the violin standing near by. Out of all the Mikaelsons , Y/N shared the most special connection with the eldest and however she felt about his brothers , to her Elijah was the one. Y/N didn’t want to choose because she was worried it would draw a rift between the brothers and somehow break their bond - 'Always and Forever’. Though her heart had already chosen.     “I took pictures… when he wasn’t looking.” smiled Y/N , grabbing her phone from the night stand. “It was so romantic and he was absolutely the sweetest. And the way he looks at me — it makes me feel those butterflies I told you about and - ” Kai looked at the pictures , swiping one after the other while his sister kept talking. He still didn’t get this whole 'romance’ thing but what Elijah had done looked sweet and his sister apparently liked that sort of stuff. Y/N stopped talking seeing Kai’s face. Her brother was smiling but also looked a bit uncomfortable.     “This is weird , isn’t it ?” she sighed. “Me talking boys with you?”     “It’s a little — weird but what in our lives has been normal.” smiled Kai , kissing her forehead. “I know I am still new at that emotions stuff , but I just want you to be happy. If he makes you happy - then I am happy, but if he hurts you-”     “You are not taking on an original Kai.” she said serious. “ I don’t ever want to lose you again , okay. Plus Elijah would never hurt me but if he does - trust me , there is no way he is getting out unharmed.” Kai laughed under his breath. “I keep forgetting you are not a toddler anymore. I am making you that cake - what was it 'chocolate with chocolate with extra chocolate’? Though you are not allowed in the house when I do. I want it to be a surprise. You are going to love it !”     “I am sure that I will , since its you who made it.” she smiled. Y/N’s day went by as usual - she walked over to her favourite coffee place to get her chai latte and not too long after that Rebekah called about some friend emergency dragging her to the mall on a shopping trip. It was all super strange because somehow Rebekah decided to buy her  a full new closet and had insisted she changes at the mall into one of the white puffy dresses after somehow her outfit had gotten stained with coffee. When Y/N finally got home around 5PM her brother wasn’t there but there were traces of flour and melted chocolate in their kitchen.     “Oh-kay. So – where is the cake?” she wondered out loud , dropping the bags on the floor when her phone rang. Caller ID saying KAI. “Hey where are you —”     “Y/N –” groaned Kai. “ — something happened.”     “Kai ? Are you okay ? Where are you ?” she asked worried , already heading for the door. “Tell me now.”     “At the com-pound. Kol and I had a — little d-disagreement.” groaned Kai , “I can’t – there is a p-piece of wood in my chest c-close to my h-heart.”     “I’ll be there in a few seconds. Don’t move okay.” Y/N put her phone in her bag and ran outside , using her vampire speed to get to her brother. Of course he’d do something like that. Just a few hours ago she had specifically warned him not to take on an original and what does her brother do ? Take on an Original.  In moments like these she wondered who is the older sibling - she or her brother.     “Kai ? W-where are you?” she called out , walking in the compound wondering why it’s so dark in there. “I swear when I get my hands on you and Kol -”     “SURPRISE!!!” called out everyone - Klaus , Elijah , Kol , her brother , Rebekah , Freya , Hayley , Marcel , Josh — and a bunch of strangers she had never see in her life.     “W-what – h-ow ?” she stuttered. A moment later Kai wrapped his arms around her so tight , if she was a human he’d probably break a bone or – ten.  Y/N’s eyes kept darting all around the room - there were multi colour balloons everywhere , twinkling lights over head which somehow blinked like actual stars and a big 2 layer cake. Y/N could smell the chocolate all the way from the doors - and there was so much chocolate.     “Happy Birthdayyy !!” said Kai smiling widely. “OMG my baby sister is all grown up now. How did that happen ?” Y/N wrapped her arms around her brother , burying her face in the crook of his neck. How hadn’t she seen this coming? Was she really that distracted in thoughts about Elijah not to pick up on Kai’s tells ? He let go off her , placing his hands on her shoulders studying her face. Y/N was still in a startled haze unable to believe what was happening around her. Technically that was her first real birthday party and everything was so beautiful and perfect. Her gaze fell on Kai , noticing how his eyes sparkled and he looked nervous as if waiting for a tornado to hit or something.     “You are going to yell at me. Aren’t you?” said Kai smiling nervously looking at his baby sister. “I promised you the happiest , most special birthday – and voila.”     “I’m not – I’m not going to yell at you.” she said , punching him in the shoulder. “You scared the hell out of me. I thought I was going to lose you. How could you –” Kai grinned , lightly rubbing his shoulder. Nah , his sister wasn’t mad about the party. There wouldn’t be a smile from ear to ear on her face if she was.     “On the bright side — you had no idea this was going to happen right ? Rebekah didn’t spill about it today during your crazy shopping trip.”     “I haven’t spilled anything.” said Rebekah smiling hugging Y/N. “Happy Birthday Y/N.”     “T-thanks.” smiled Y/N , the next second Kol practically swept her off her feet and then Klaus almost knocked the air out of her lungs with his hug. Freya and Hayley congratulated her too , giving her a hug and then it was Elijah’s turn. He had been waiting for all his siblings to take their turn before him , so he can get the longest hug. As usual he was wearing a suit and he somehow looked hotter than ever with his sideways smile and that glow in his eyes.     “Happy Birthday Y/N.” he smiled pulling her into his embrace for a long hug , tucking in a strand of hair behind her ear right after. “You look so beautiful. A true vision. Would you do me the honnor of giving me the first dance for the night?” Y/N felt her cheeks flush , even more when her brother put his hands on her back pushing her to the dance floor with Elijah seeing how she had stopped breathing.  Kai knew if his little sister could speak she would say 'yes’. He watched Elijah place his hands on her waist while hers hooked around his neck , dancing to the slow song. His over protective side , as usual objected to anyone ever touching her but he pushed it aside because of her. A sigh left Kai’s lips and he grabbed a glass with champagne from one of the waitresses walking by.     “It’s so sweet , what you did for her.” said Rebekah , grabbing another one of the champagne glasses. “Look at her smile. Y/N is lucky to have you as a brother.”     “No. I am lucky to have her as a sister after everything.” replied Kai , looking at his glass with a small smile. “After all the awful things I did - killing our entire family…”     “You did it to protect her. Y/N told me about your father and everything. She understands why you did it.” smiled Rebekah placing her hand on Kai’s shoulder , kissing him on the cheek. “Do you want to dance ?”     “I um – I am not good at dancing.” he said awkwardly. “I’ll step on your foot or worse. It’s better if you ask Marcel –”     “I don’t want to dance with Marcel. I want to dance with you.” said Rebekah , taking his glass, leaving it on one of the empty trays before pulling him onto the dance floor. “Come on.” Y/N saw Kai and Rebekah getting onto the dance floor a few metres away from her and Elijah who hadn’t been able to take his eyes off her since the moment she had arrived. There was a small smile on his face and the way he was looking at her sent butterflies in her stomach like never before. They danced to two - three songs not really talking just gazing longingly into each other’s eyes until all of the sudden he took her hand and pulled her away from the crowd.     “Where are we going ?”     “Somewhere private.” he smiled at her , taking her up almost to the attic to the balcony overlooking the city. The sun had started to set and the sky was all shades of red to pink to purple with a few grayish hints from the clouds here and there. “Close your eyes.”     “Elijah wha-”     “Close your eyes.” he insisted , waiting for her to do as he asked. After she did , he whooshed himself into the small room next door getting her present. “Open.” Y/N opened her eyes finding her most favourite Original holding a medium sized box with a giant blue bow on it. She looked at Elijah who was smiling at her , his eyes sparkling like never before then at the box , pulling on the bow until it was untied , her excitement building up with each second. She wondered what could be inside. Carefully the girl opened the box under the excited stare of the vampire. Her eyes widened seeing what’s inside.     “OH MY GOD!” she covered her mouth with her hands. “Are those –”     “Yes. Original copies of all your favourite books and a couple of classical records I thought you might like.” said Elijah with a smile on his face. Y/N reached inside the box pulling out one of Dicken’s books - Great Expectations. He watched her trail the cover with her fingers , unable to stop smiling even more after Y/N opened the book and turned a few pages seeing a handwritten message from the author himself. “That one’s your favourite right?” Y/N nodded , smiling widely. “I - I don’t know what to say. This is the best present ever ! Thank  you.” Elijah left the box not too far away from them and Y/N practically tackled him with a hug. He wrapped his hands around her tightly gently stroking her hair. Up until that point she had had trouble saying anything about the way she felt but after this there was just no way she’d keep quiet anymore. Slowly she pulled away from the hug , looking up at the original.     “Elijah , I -” He brushed his palm against her cheek , gazing lovingly into her eyes. Y/N felt her heart about to leap out of her chest , even more so with the way he was leaning in towards her and was just about to kiss her. A small smile tugged at the corners of his mouth and then their lips met in a gentle kiss , quite literally transporting her to cloud 9. Elijah’s hands remained on her waist , going slightly up but not too low being a true gentleman. Far too soon he pulled away and even after that gentle kiss Y/N felt completely breathless.     “Would you like to join me for an evening at the theatre?” asked Elijah resting his forehead on hers , smiling at her. His fingers gently brushing against her cheek while his eyes never left hers.     “Y-you mean like -”     “ - on our official first date.” he finished for her.     “I’d love to.” she smiled widely. “When?”     “Tomorrow?”     “Tomorrow sounds perfect.”     “Hey s-sorry to interrupt, but it’s time for the cake… and I need the birthday girl.” said Kai , popping his head through the door. Y/N looked at Elijah , still feeling his lips on hers and took her brother’s hand who pulled her down the stairs towards the party. “You are not going to hit me again right ? I waited until you two were done with the kissy bit and the other stuff. I - I know I said I wouldn’t interrupt those moments anymore but —”     “Sorry what ?” she asked suddenly not having a clue what her brother had said. Kai laughed under his breath. “Tell me you will explain this whole 'love’ emotion to me okay? I know that I love you but the whole romance thing of it all is a bit of a blur.” Y/N laughed. “Sure thing big bro.” MASTERLIST - SMUT MASTERLIST - FLUFF

[ruginite]

100 + Follower Appreciation & Giveaway

HOLY ODIN’S CROWS....where the fuckity fuck did all of you fucking come from?! This blog’s not even a year old and not canon and what. Feeling all kinds of loved right now. Like holyshitballs.-cough- sorry uh....let me just.....

To ALL my followers: Thank you so much! Like I feel like that’s not really an adequate statement but words can’t possibly capture how much I appriciate each and every damn one of you. You are all beautiful and I can not stress enough how much it means to me that you followed this blog. And the fact you stayed after you clearly realized how trash the mun is lol. -HUGS TOO ALL OF YOU-

GIVEAWAY:

Giveaway Begins : Now  03/03/17 Giveaway Ends : 6:00ρм EST - 03/10/17

1. One like/re-blog per blog.    

I get really turned around and easily confused so please make this easier on me and only either re-blog the post or like the post.But only do either one once.

2. Must be following Baz and be an RP blog in order to participate.  

Please don’t just follow to participate in the giveaway. I mean I can’t control you following and then un-following but its super rude and just karma’s a bitch.

3. I need a week or so to get the prizes out after the giveaway ends.

Bare with me. I keep my promises it just takes me time.

4. Winners will be chosen using the random number generator. Keeps everything nice and fair :)

PRIZES:

1st Place Winner: 1 promo banner, 1 set of Online/Offline/Lurking/Drafts banners, 1 avatar icon.

2nd Place Winner: 1 promo banner, 1 avatar icon.

3rd Place Winner: 1 promo banner

PERSONAL MESSAGES AND MY FOLLOW FOREVER LIST UNDER THE CUT

People I’ve Licked And Therefore Are Mine:

@hitslikeatruck aka @vesallkyn​ aka @tasedagod​ aka @doctahquinn​ aka @thebloodisthicker​ aka @macians​ aka the reason this blog even fucking exists to be fucking honest. 

Did i miss one? I don’t think i did... You are literally one of my best friends. We talk almost every day and when we don’t there’s a severe lack of THINGS, a hole in my life. Shut up it makes sense to me, don’t judge. You are the whole reason this blog even like became a thing. You push me to step outside my comfort zone and encourage me when I wanna run and hide because I don’t think I’m good enough. You also talk me down from doing really bad things like going off on people I shouldn’t. So yea thanks for that. I love all your muses and just never go away ever period. I will die. Also rat bbys and i want them all. I wish we didn’t live so far apart. Because I dont really hang out physically with people but i would totally hang out with you. 

@the-blackest-spider​

Man like how long have we been friends? Gotta be well over a year now. Anyway. You are mine. I licked you. I know we dont RP as much here anymore as we used too. But we still talk often and you defs a friend I wanna keep 10ever. I love your humor. I love your hair :D You’ve got such a comprehensive understanding of your muse it’s fucking mind blowing and you are always one of the first blogs i recommend to people when they ask for marvel canons to follow. And by one of the first i mean that like you and hits are battling for first mention there. Like maybe battling isn’t the right word just if i could say both urls at the same time i totally would but I am not that talented lol.

@brooklynislandgirl​ aka @tarnishedhalo​

hahhaahahahahahaha i could write a fucking novel. But I’ll do my best to keep it short. Another beautiful person i talk to every day, even if it’s just a couple sentence checking in with each other. And then other days it’s walls and walls and WALLS of skype texts and pictures and plot bunnies and OKAY BUT LISTENS. You put up with so much jumping around on my part and I can’t thank you enough for it. You are an amazing writer, and a fantastic person. Your muses speak for themselves and that speaks volumes. Our RP’s always challenge me to advance my writing and try new things. Beyond the fact I’m constantly learning from you, and that’s just the coolest thing okay? I love to learn.

@morgansmornings​

The mun with the muse that just seems to almost be Baz’s female counterpart. In just the right amount of ways to irk him to know in, and him her. LOL. I love their banter and I love how they both give a shit about the other one but like they’re both to cool to say it. To each other’s faces anyway. You are a gem of a human I want you to know that. We don’t talk as much as I wish we did, but i think that’s kinda cool too. Because we seem to be on the same page even when we don’t constantly speak. And to me that’s a rare of fucking thing, and personally I cherish it and you.

@hittcr​

Oh boy where to start here. Ok I found your blog by like accident?! And for the longest time it sat on my bookmark bar because i didn’t wanna be THAT PERSON by following. Read through your blog, read your threads and your hc’s and drabbles and just thought man this person really fucking understands Eliot. They’re fantastic. But being the chicken turtle that i am that was as far as it went. Then one day I get an ask from an anon making the assumption my blog was an Eliot Spencer RP and I just couldn’t not recommend you to them. Granted it was only later that it dawned on me I’d @’d you which means it showed up in your activity and then proceeded to panic for two days because ohgodwhatdididothatforthey’regonnathinkimacreepstalker.  But then you followed me and I followed you back and then spent a week spazzing about ‘do i ask to plot for a twin thing because funny? or do i just sit here??’ and oddly enough that ask I sent? yea i didn’t actually mean to send it. I’d spent three hours with your ask box open with that typed up and went to close it because again chicken turtle and inadvertently hit the hot key to send not close. And the rest is history lol. So basically ALL OF THAT RAMBLING TO SAY : You’re gold sweets. You’re talented. You’ve got your muse down to an art. And I feel so blessed to be apart of your rp life here on tumblr, as well as getting to be a sounding board about some of your thoughts regarding hc’s and what not for your muse.

@canadianclaws​

okay by listen like there are people you hit it off with instantly in life and you are definitely one of them. I love watching you art. I love listening to you talk while you art. I love talking to you period. I love your muse. I love you too tbh. Your puppies are adorable. And I love that we have our own little club of never leave the house. And if you dont think im gonna find a way to make us tshirts you got another thing coming :P lol. Never go away please. I’ll die.

@offorgottenbooks​ aka @travelerlainewalker​

Holy crap HOW many blogs have you followed me across at this point? It’s probably a rediculously high number and I love you for it. lol. You’re always so happy and willing to RP with the next muse that hits me and I just can not say enough how much that means to me. I love you. I’m keeping you. If that wasn’t clear by now...like what....2...3 years later??? LOL

@thor-theavengergod​

I was so nervous to RP with you I can’t lie. But I’m glad @offorgottenbooks​ recommended you too me because that helped me come out of my shell a little faster. And I’m really glad I did. We talk every day and like that’s something a homebody like me really REALLY treasures okay? Like the fact you care enough to check in with me and then not get mad when i dont respond until hours later because Im either asleep or tumblr’s a bitch and doesn’t tell me you spoke or I just get hella distracted. Your muse is fabs and so are you. And im keeping you. yes good.

People I Would Lick But It Might Be Awkward aka People I Admire (some of who, I even get to RP with, others I just stalk 10 ever):

@prettygenius / @noteliot / @cochetsharpshooter / @exubiytsa / @multi-mused / @amazingspiderling / @xyourxgodx /  @aclevelblue / @bxldmountain / @fashicniista / @bcnquet / @skyrat / @motherofasgard / @mckaytriarchy / @mutantmasterofmagnetism / @teethxbared / @agentharrisonofshield / @thexanderzone / @mayiisms / @agcntwells / @pyromaniism / @gangsterconsultant / @asgardianhammer / @melinda-q-may / @xcuratiox / @erroretscientia / @kingxfmischief

[anonwords]

may 31 2020

as if the world wasnt already in a state of unrest, cops went and killed another black man. George Floyd. they knelt on his throat for 10 minutes. 10. they also pushed Regis Korchinski-Paquet off her balcony, killing her. and they killed Tony McDade, a trans man. the first riots were in Minneapolis, where george was killed. then within a week, 25 US cities were rioting. peaceful at first, but cops posing as protesters started destroying businesses and inciting violence, leading to full on violence from protesters, leading ultimately to cops using force to disperse the crowds. Ive seen photos of people shot in the head with rubber bullets, someone lost their eye, my cousin was maced in the face. at least 15 states have curfews in their cities, and the cops are relentless. I don’t know whether to believe real change is coming, or maybe this will all blow over in a month, and everything will go back to the way it was. one thing is for sure though: all cops are bastards, and the cops will pay with their blood for the blood of the people of color and specifically black people, which they so easily have spilled on the streets since America’s inception. 

  the virus isnt helping the whole protesting movement, I just know theres gonna be spikes all over the country. the virus does seem to be slowing in parts of the world, but the ever looming second wave has yet to begin. south korea has some of the lowest numbers of infection since their rise and new zealand has completely gotten rid of it. the whole damn country is without infection. meanwhile in america any effort led by the govt to test people has been a complete farce. trump says nothing can be done, and when twitter fact checks two of his tweets, executive orders two days later to combat them. i really hope we as a nation can see where his priorities lie, and we need to vote him out. btw when asked what will the govt do about the protesters, he said and i quote: “when the looting starts, the shooting starts!” i really hope they kill this man.

  josh says if nothing pans out by august for a place to live with group members, he wants me and him to get a place together, which i totally agree with. I can just keep saving and when they open the dmv’s i can get my license, and i can live up there on my own. god its all i want. to be free. Im so ready. ive been talking to josh more frequently through phone calls and its nice to talk to someone who just loves all forms of art and understands on my level. our convos would go on forever when we were together, and i really miss that. just drinking and smoking and being chill. when the state is in phase 3, we want to drive up to san francisco, me, him, ian, and maybe donald. ive never been that far up the coast and the city has so much rich gay history ive always wanted to see for myself. Ian said i was really sweet and no ones called me that in a long time. it made me feel really good and i was smiling the whole day. ian is very straight, not even a hint of femininity in his deep voice, but he’d be the perfect twink. not too perfect though because he is light skinned, but still very cute. 

  I had a dream last night that i was at a party with my friends, and i was in a room full of people in a house ive never been to before. there was this girl who was very pretty and basically exactly my type. she was very thin, short, had black hair that went to her shoulders, glasses, and she dressed like daria’s best friend. she had pretty brown eyes, light skin, very pretty smile, and a perfect cute little nose. EXACTLY my type. my subconscious was on my side for once. now that i think about it, she kind of looked like this girl from high school who i had a crush on. still kinda do. anyways she kept glancing at me from across the room and when our eyes would meet she’d smile and i would smile back, with a cool nod. she ate that shit up. finally i went to take a piss. i had my dick in my hands and she comes into the tiny bathroom and puts her hands over my eyes, and says “guess who?”. before i could say anything, she takes her hands off my eyes, and grabs my dick, still in my hands from peeing. i said “woahh” and she giggles and smiles. she starts stroking me and i waddle over to the sink to wash my hands, with her still stuck to my back, my dick still in her hands. i start to get hard, i look down and my dick is now fully engorged in her hands, my dick never looked so tasty. my dream cuts to us making out in the hallway, and i keep instinctively putting my leg up to her thigh, like i was the sub and she was the dom. i had to keep reminding myself i was in charge, and i had to be big and strong, so i stopped. then we cut to her on a bed, me on top of her, the room was glowing red. i started eating her out. i vividly remember the way it felt. my tongue was exploring every nook, every cranny, every part of her. my lips were so soft but she felt softer, and i could feel my tongue going deeper into her, my mouth filling with her cum, and i would let it drip out my mouth, to get her wetter and sloppier. she was writhing around with pleasure, pleasure only i could give her. then my dream took the weirdest fucking turn when marge simpson of the simpsons was on the other side of the bed, behind me, asking me to fuck her. this was not the marge simpson from the show, as she had the fattest ass ive ever seen, and didnt even sound like her at all. she was sitting on the bed in such a way that her dripping vagina was facing me, and she kept asking me to fuck her. in my head i was trying to come up with a polite way of saying i dont fuck moms, but the girl was down for a threesome. so i finally agreed and the girl was gonna ride me while i ate marge but i said no because i was afraid i was gonna cum. but then marge somehow found out i didnt want to fuck her and she left in mr burns’ car. so then me and the girl cuddled for a while and that felt great. she was so soft and smelled so good and i think i kissed her neck a few time. but then she had to leave and started saying goodbye. i asked for her insta and gave her my phone so she could follow herself. then i walked her out to her uber or friends car, i dont remember who it was, and on the way out i could hear a song from the watchmen soundtrack, and i knew cesar was showing some girl the first episode of the series. then i was in front of the house and the street was really pretty with trees everywhere and it was really windy, and we said goodbye. i think wt one point i even asked “where are we?”. i think some stuff happened after that but i dont remember. i woke up wanting a girl, something i havent wanted for a long time. i dont know how to feel about it, but that was the nicest dream ive had in months. i hope my subconscious is good to me that way from now on.

  i forgot to mention in the beginning im 21 now. i can buy alcohol and walk into dispensaries now, not that that was a problem before. im getting older and i often think about how i want to die. and i keep coming to the same conclusion that when the time comes, i want to kill myself. that won’t be for a long time though, at least. say one day the doctor tells me i have x amount of months/years to live. if im at a certain age where i feel like ive had a full life, i don’t want to waste away in some home, shitting myself and watching the days go by, i want to die still coherent, and continent at least. so maybe around 70 or so i’ll poison myself, while on mushrooms, so i can trip out and die in a world of color. i guess i never plan to marry or be in a serious relationship then. maybe for a while, but it will have to end someday. when i picture myself dying, its always by myself, by my pool, in my silk robe, having breakfast, smoking and drinking. then im just gone. i dont know if that’s supposed to be poetic or whatever, but its how id want to go. not surrounded by family because i expect them all to be dead when i go. i want to be admired for my storied career, and i want to be a relic of new old hollywood. loved and adored by people who are old or dead. i dont ever want to die in a hospital bed, i dont want to die battling some disease for years, when i feel its my time, i want to be in control of how i go. it will be hard for some but i plan on telling those i care most about about my plan so they’ll be ready. it will be so perfect, my death. on that day the sun will shine on my skin, and the warmth will be spectacular. the birds will chirp and the air will be so clean. my death will be clean. i plan to live a full life, and when i fell ive livedmy life to the fullest, thats when it will be my time.