#i dont really have irl queer friends who had this experiences cause they all came out way earlier than me and lived their teenage years out

[the---hermit]

Okay so I'm going to ask for some very specific recommendations, cause I need help. Has anyone got some good articles, or even video idk, regarding the whole fact that when you are queer you experience a sort of secons adolescence in your 20s (or when you figure out your queer of course)? Because I have always heard people refer to this, but never really read any serious articles or anything, and I think I am starting to experience this myself in some kind of way, and I'd like to learn more to understan what the hell is going on with me.

I hope this makes sense, also anyone who might had or is having this experience and feels comfortable sharing would be of great help. Thanks in advance to anyone who will see this and share some resources!!

Edit: I also didn't mention that all articles/experiences/informations are welcome and I am really thankful for that, but if you have recommendations regarding the bisexual experience it would be even more helpful for me.

[aroaceconfessions]

ok bi ace here and god I’m so fucking sick of being in the closet like every time i get drunk i’m like.. yea it’d be so nice to come out right now, it would be so nice to just be out and open with this, i could make jokes, i could talk about it i could be KNOWN among my friends. but the thought is really so mortifying. cause asexuality just feels like a joke. worse, my gay roommate is the one i’m most afraid will diss me for it, even more than my cishet ones. cause my cishet roommate is just so kind and understanding even if he’s kind of abrasive on the surface, but my gay roommate is just so like polite on the surface until you leave the room and he gets so spiteful. last time we went to bars, after we parted ways with my bi friend and went home he started just saying such horrible shit about her, honestly i can barely remember what but i remember crying and crying, very quietly so nobody would notice, and i remember resolving i never wanted to come out to him in my life. why have i had so many horrible experiences with the queer community irl? my randomly assigned dorm roommate was a biphobic terf lesbian. when i learned she was gay i was like oh nice a queer roommate maybe we can bond over that! But i’m so glad i never came out to her either. and then there’s my other group of very queer friends, who i know they would accept me! I know for a fact! But because of all my other bad experiences, irl and online, i just can’t come out. I really can’t. (also doesn’t help that i worry that the friend in that group I’m desperately trying not to have a crush on me could never date me cause i’m ace. Thank goodness i dont actually have a crush haha glad i have free will.) the closet just feels so much safer, until i think about it, and i’m miserable, and i’m just so sick of living this way i want to bang my head against the wall. inside i’m miserable. outside i’d be a joke. nothing to be done i suppose

[yb-cringe]

1 - 30 FOR ARO ASKS I WANT TO KNOW ALL YOUR PERSONAL BUISNESS

I have a guess as who sent me this— ANYWAY—

I’m gonna say NOW that this is a long post. I’ll skip 17 and 18 cause I already answered them.

i dont know how to do the [MORE] thing so. Sorry! I’ll keep it brief.

1. I’m aromantic! No romantic attraction here baybeee— cant have shit in detroit.

2. (Sexual orientation?) not applicable! I’m a NON-SAM aro!

3. (Romance repulsed?) nah I love romance in fiction!

4. (Voidpunk?) i think voidpunk is SO COOL but I just don’t vibe with it as im very. Cottagecore, i think?

5. (What types of attraction do you experience?) fuck if i know. Platonic, sensual, aesthetic, etc. who knows man not me.

6. (How do you show platonic love?) hmm usually by sending memes and hugs— mostly I’ll “adopt” people bc I love to care for people!

7. (Single forever?) thats the plan! A life partner is fine but im not planning for one. If one happens in my life, thats cool! But i’m down to be a single dad :)

8. No dream partner! A dog, if that counts, as my partner in crime >:000

9. (Which flag is your fav of aros) i love the newest one with the white stripe. The orange one is problematic and the yellow one is a lil visually wrong imo. (Tho i have a fondness for it bc i joined the community when it was at its peak)

10. (Opinion on soulmates) i’m gonna be honest folks, i’m not educated enough on this topic to give a good clear opinion on it. I’ll get back to you on it.

11. (Opinion on shipping?) I think its okay! As long as its not real people. And also if you ship a canon arospec character with someone and make them not aromantic i have a bone to pick with you. *cough cough caduceus clay is aro stop fucking shipping him with people in a romantic matter*

12. (Only romo shipping?) nah man, i love that found family shit! And ahh I always want people to be friends if they talk bc how cool would that be! I ship romo couples and platonic couples!

13. (Are you out irl?) mm... not really... no one knows except some college friends. And i dont think they know/understand non-sam aros so i dont bring it up. And my family can... probably never know.

14. (How did you come out) irl i came out to my college friends with a flag on the door. Anyone who asked about it got the answer and people who didnt either knew what it was already or didnt care so! I also did a powerpoint presentation once- whoops. ONLINE however... is a story I’ll have to save for later cause its long. But i came out 3 times to the same people bc i forget the previous times i did it.

15. (Do you know any irl aro people?) after my aromantic presentation, yes! I was so mad over the lack of aro information given to my queer friends so after a long presentation- some of them realized they were aro! Or arospec, at least. It made me so happy to know I helped someone figure out another part of who they are, and that they arent broken. Thats my dream.

16. (How do you feel about being aro?) i love it! Its hard as balls sometimes don’t get it twisted, but I love it all the same. It’s opened me up to so many new experiences and people, opened my eyes to so much more of the world/a new perspective of the world. I honestly think if I forgot everything I knew now, forgot I was aro— I’d come back to that conclusion anyway.

19. (When did you know about aros) I have no idea. Its in that space of time where everything is a little funky. My guess is that I found asexual, became aroace, found out what being aro was, and somehow latched to that more? Probably through AVEN.

20. (How did you know you were aro) oo. Uh. Hm. Well this most recent time, I found out DURING a relationship. I just didn’t know why no relationship I had ever... clicked? No feelings of love towards them. Nothing I ever heard from my friends or family. And every “crush” i had was only AFTER i found out they liked me, and my brain kicked into “oh we’re supposed to love them now bc this is your chance to be normal”. After we broke up, BECAUSE i didnt love them, i asked myself why i constantly felt this way. Why i never had crushes as a kid. Or on celebrities. One thing led to another, and boom!

21. (Aro headcanons?) OH SO MANY MAN. My favorite is Sean from Stranger Things 2. Theres an option to choose he doesn’t do relationships or like anyone. And considering you can say he likes girls or boys, I’d like to think he’s aromantic bisexual! Oh! And Sonic the Hedgehog. No i will not explain.

22. (Dream aro canon?) OH ID LOVE just. A normal fucking aro person. Not a robot, not a villain. Hopefully a main character! Where they don’t get a romantic sub plot and no one’s sorry for them. And they get to hang out with their friends and live! And live happily!

23. (Aro icon) uhh... I don’t... really know of any? But I like Yasmin Benoit! She’s mostly an ace advocate but, I appreciate her all the same.

24. (Fav aro song) mm I mean “Crush Culture” bu Conan Gray really sums up my life. But I also like “Better By Myself” by Hey Violet!

25. (Fav movie not focused on romance) that’s a hard one... Nez Ha i think right now! Its a cute movie loosely based on chinese mythology! Also the power of friendship saves the day, whats not to love?

26. (fav tv show not based on romance) OH oh I LOVE KIPO AND THE AGE OF WONDERBEASTS!!!

27. (What popular romantic relationship do you see as platonic?) OH man oh man ohhh man.... don’t hate me but I see Jester as aromantic, so all the jester ships uhhhhhh... :/. Sorry y’all dont kill me.

28. (Squishes?) Nah i dont think so? I mean ive wanted people to be my friends...?????

29. (Aro pride merch?) yes!! I have an aro flag! And I’ve made my shoes aro with some embroidery floss.

30. (Advice for any aros?) GOD where to begin... ok so you’re gonna have a panic phase where you think you’ll die alone but you won’t. And check to make sure you had romantic feelings BEFORE someone admits their love for you. So you’re doing it out of actual love, not expectations. Its hard to avoid.