#i dont see myself ever returning to that ask blog tho

[skeletood]

Somehow always find myself coming back to drawing this guy

[boypussydilf]

sherlock. what is it's gender. what is their deal. speak your trutg

oh dear with the state of my blog its now hard to tell when people walk up to me and say sherlock if they mean dgs sherlock the og or any of the several others ive started talking about. we need to like. color code them. anyway im gonna talk about dgs sherlock bc hes the one im most likely to have proper thoughts on and then probably also do one for mostly just. like. the general concept actually thinking about it i do have many thoughts on Non-DGS Sherlock i dont know why i allowed myself to think i didnt . i just get caught up in the bimbo dad but i like the entire folder hes stored in

dgs first tho <333333

Sexuality Headcanon: gay. Just gay

Gender Headcanon: If i had to make 1 decision. genderfluid <3 Sherlock Holmes (DGS) can fit so much gender in her !!!!!!!!!

A ship I have with said character: *looks at my blog* *looks at my pinned post* um i think you guys know . already. the only one i have . do i need to say it

A BROTP I have with said character: i mean. Iris. they r best friends for real ! they r like the most important people to each other ! they r this guy and their 10 year old daughter who packs peanut butter jelly sandwiches for them !!!

A NOTP I have with said character: im gonna be petty and say vanlock. i blocked the tag bc i got tired of seeing it. actually even moreso i like physically recoil when i see ppl shipping him with ryuu, it fucking. completely baffles me. like. nothing wrong with that. people who ship them aren’t weird in That sense. but theyre weird as in I can’t understand what compels you to do this . i dont like vanlock but i can Understand why people do i just got extra sick of it bc its semi common. i cant understand why people ship sherlock and ryuu. like youve misread the vibe badly. this is not it. oh dear god this just got 5 times as long as all the other sections of this fucking ask meme. power of being slightly annoyed sorry

A random headcanon: UHHHHHHHHHH OH MY GOD . I KNOW i have headcanons abou t this bitch he swarms around in my mind all the time. I am imagining Random Exploits of the DGS Cast on a daily basis where did the fucking Concepts and Ideas go. ill return to this once ive done everything else and see if i havent thought of anything fun by then. ive thought about it some more and my most recent thought on him has been like. she knows some russian and japanese right? actually a fucking lot of russian to be able to read entire newspaper articles but thats besides the point i just think that sherlock knowing several different languages is neat but, Like. its pure chance if she ever manages to learn enough to be able to …. use it. once every several months sherlock will get really really excited about a new foreign language and put in like 2 weeks of work before forgetting about it completely. he has the vocabulary of a very young toddler in half a dozen different languages and is remembering those vocabularies by sheer luck

General Opinion over said character: Im normal iam normal normal im normal and regular . im normal and im normal about him and i dont intend to put him under a microscope or anything. i am not putting him in a little plastic box and shaking him to find out what happens . *extends my hand ibuprofen style* who wants to speculate about dgs in hyperspecific ways with me. hello my like 3 dgs followers do you have thoughts on sherlock holmes. tell them to me. lets all be normal. Anyway uh hes funny

IVE GOTTEN THAT BITCH OUT OF THE WAY LETS TALK ABOUT …… im not even sure. The General Concept of Sherlock Holmes on a Wide Scale, which, like, ultimately probably just boils down to: acd holmes. time to get philosophical with it. thats not the right word.

Sexuality Headcanon: sherlock is either gay or aroace or some more specific combination of all previous terms. Hey does that… even count as headcanon? Ultimately my stance is “whatever as long as sherlock holmes is not interested in women” and it is stated very clearly explicitly and repeatedly in canon that sherlock holmes is not interested in women so . like.

Gender Headcanon: You know what’s funny is expressing disdain for women is an effective way to distance yourself from femininity in general, for instance, to assert masculinity as a trans man, or as a negative reaction to being a trans woman. So. Like.

A ship I have with said character: at first i was like “its just kind of an objective fact that sherlock and watson are gay but i dont have emotional investment in it” but that was a fucking lie

A BROTP I have with said character: SHERLOCK HOLMES DOES NOT HAVE FRIENDS. I DONT FUCKING KNOW, TOBY THE DOG?

A NOTP I have with said character: The next time an adaptation tries to make him and irene adler straight together im going to thr authors house and shooting them point blank. shut up shut up shut up shut up. they would NOT

A random headcanon: man i dont even fucking know. he probably eats food off the floor and i mean this genuinely

General Opinion over said character: Sherlock Holmes is the ultimate Little Freak. Like 80% of the joy of any sherlock holmes media is “Watch this Freak Behave Oddly”. Some people think he would be hard to get along with personally i think we would make very good friends and i would love to hang out with the Freak.

Man. I hope this post isn’t actually as long and hard to look at as it looks in the mobile post editor. Unfortunately it probably is

[madfantasy]

Dear blogging

It's 3 am on the 7th day of Ramadan, my tummy finally settling after probably minor food poisoning perfectly timed at the start of fasting, sticking me in bed. Cuz u don't wanna throw up and break your fasting and have a day to redo when u can later. Mr perfect record speaking here, heh

I am in such a, idk, bigger than me moment — just to want to give everyone the biggest hug, in the same time weighed with this tiresome, egging me to leave earth.

How can i give love, more love, while being unable to to do much.. and knowing too little of the common..

I found myself suddenly elevated to a point I thought, "yes, I shouldn't feel ashamed of stating my isolation or justify the happenings of it anymore" I am isolated, socially inept, mentally-everything person who coexist with my guardians because I need them just as much as they need me, no matter how gruelling our relationship is, and how much i care no matter what .. that being said, everything I did to resist that failed. And I am running out of energy year after year..

I've posted to tiktok the first cat I ever see near me, and it frightening how brave it was to just not leave. When I fed it it meowed, and that meow tugged at my heart like when my baby siblings beg for food. I thought to myself, so that's how it feels with pets?

It was my new experience and even tho my body says to run and flinches every time I see it, I try to feed it. Obviously I can't feed it much and if my guardians find out about it they'd chace it away. And realistically we don't have any possibility to tend to the cat anyway

I tried to busy and give myself the joy of having a room that is perfectly red black and a bit of white. So far only this corner gives me the severe visual pleasure of seeing those colors together

But it had to claim its share of being absolutely troubling. For some reason, every red colored item I purchased either turned out to be maroon or simply they sent me a whole different creature of an item, not even close to what they advertise. I've returned so many unrelated shi and maroon colors, that I started to understand Ron's hatred of the color. And it's not a vibrant shade either, it's disgusting murky brown of a red.

And what makes me extra furious is that they don't refund the delivery costs. Why then ship me this??? Does it LOOK like the picture? It's ORANGE with different patterns!

I was especially frustrated because it would have been a match made in heaven with my rug

Now I feel absolutely helpless. I can't run more risks if they keep sucking on the delivery charge, and buying it internationally, I would just pay hundreds for shipping for worthless room shi, and asking my guardians is futile cuz they either will take 60 years to do it or just say "oh you expect me to go searching for you in this state? Beside its a small town so dont expect mcuh".. so idk what to do

For the time being, im absolutely burned out of doing art, my life line. I missed sorly how I used to draw Sev, retouched one I loved dearly nd the Harry one too, now I'm aching to illustrate the HP books AND tintin now x'c

At least im in some progress🍀

I'm off to chug water, wish you lovey dovey days, my dears 💛

[kaaytea]

soo um I have a bit of a self indulgent request I hope u don't mind 👉🏼👈🏼

how would the Daiya boys be with an s/o who is bad at catching and throwing? like instead of catching they dodge or deflect?

(My brother always says I can't catch to save my life which is sadly true but yesterday he chucked an eraser at me and I caught it!! v proud of myself ✌🏼😅)

S/o who can't catch things

⤷Includes: Mei, Ryousuke, Haruichi

A/n: I don't mind at all Bug! This entire blog is kind of self indulgent so those requests are welcome! I didn't do all the boys so I chose a few I haven't written for in a while, I hope that ok with you 💖 (you're welcome to send in the same prompt if there are specific boys you want written!)

----------------------------------------------------------

Mei

This boy is baffled

Like he can't comprehend that you're unable to throw or catch things because of how natural the actions come to him

He looks at you weird and then tests you by lightly tossing a pen at you

He definitely thought you were lying or being over dramatic but he was proven wrong when you slapped the pen away from you mid air

Congratulations he has now made it his personal mission to teach you how to catch and throw things

Mei's actually a pretty good teacher? He's spent his entire childhood perfecting his pitching and catching skills so he's got some tips and tricks

Usually Mei is a little bratty and impatient when teaching people but he's the complete opposite with you

He's very gentle and always willing to reexplain things if you don't get them the first time

It's quite a sight to see one of the best pitchers in Japanese High School baseball tossing an old soccer ball (which he snagged from the schools equipment sheds) back and forth with his s/o

Eventually when you've become comfortable with catching and throwing larger items he will insist (force) you to try using a baseball and mitt

So here you are standing on an empty field with a spare glove from Inashiro's endless supply of sports equipment

Mei is absolutely ecstatic to have you start learning to play catch but you on the other hand are slightly terrified

There is a HUGE difference between catching a soccer ball and catching a baseball. Not to mention, soccer balls are generally softer than baseballs

Mei could tell you were a bit nervous so he reassured you he'd be throwing underhand and even went over to help you position your glove correctly

Any lingering confidence you had vanished the second Mei tossed the ball towards you and you quickly reverted to your old tactics of ducking out of the way, glove brought up to your face as a shield

Mei had a sick feeling in his stomach seeing you that afraid (by extension he thought you were afraid of him bc he was the one throwing the ball at you)

He made his way over to your huddled form and gently guided the glove away from your face

"Hey...we don't have to do this if you're not comfortable with it."

"Can we try one more time... please?"

Mei smiled at you and gave you a soft "Alright" in response, picking up the discarded baseball from the ground and went back to his spot

You were determined to catch the ball this time! You just had to commit and not run away

Mei tossed the ball towards you again making you fight the instincts kicking in. You quickly squeezed your eyes shut to prepare for the possibility of being hit in the face

But the impact never came. Instead the only thing you felt was a sudden weight in the glove on your hand

You slowly opened your eyes and stared down at the dusty, white sphere sitting snugly in your hand

When you looked up Mei was already running towards you, his arms wrapped around your waist the instant he was infront of you, the momentum making him spin you around as you both let out cheery laughs

"I'm so proud of you!! We'll have you catching my pitches in no time!"

"Ah maybe I should learn how to catch with my eyes open first"

Ryousuke

Listen

I love Ryou but he thrives on teasing people

He will definitely toss you things on purpose once he discovers you struggle to catch things

He doesn't throw anything that could physically hurt you tho. He'd always make sure he throws soft things like a jacket or a bag of chips

Thinks it's sort of cute how you duck out of the way. Definitely gets a kick out of your reactions and he always has that annoying smirk plastered on his face

He'd maybe give you a few tips on catching and throwing things but I feel like he'd want something in return bc he's cheeky like that

It's a difficult task to get Ryousuke to laugh but if you throw something back at him and it just completely misses he's cracking up instantly

You were sitting on Ryou's bunk waiting for him to come back from getting you both drinks at the little vending machines around the Baseball dorms

You heard the door open and instantly turned towards it to welcome him back only for your entire body to go into a state of alarm at the sight of a pillow FLYING towards your face

Naturally you fling yourself out of the way as your instincts took over and once you're sure you're out of danger you look up to see your "sweet" boyfriend standing in the doorway with a small smile

"What the hell, Ryou! You can't just scare me like that!"

"It wouldn't be scary if you could catch."

The second those teasing words left his lips you reached for the pillow he threw and chucked it at him with all your strength

Except the pillow didn't go very far, instead of smacking him in the face like you had planned it flopped onto the floor at his feet

A snort of amusement left the boy followed by a clear laugh ringing throughout the room

"DONT LAUGH AT ME!"

"I can't help it when you pull cute things like that~"

Ryousuke walked forward and sat down next to you on his bunk then held out the drink he got you

As you reached out to take it from him he pulled his hand back and swooped forward to place a kiss on your lips

Haruichi

Haruichi wouldn't make a huge deal out of it

He'd understand that somethings come easier to others so there's absolutely no teasing from him

And unlike the other two he would never throw something at you

If he's giving you something he always makes it a point to safely hand the item to you

Sweet boy wouldn't even risk a light toss in fear of hitting you

He'd be willing to help you learn to get better at the actions but only if you asked, he wouldn't want to force anything on you

Now, just because Haruichi knew about your catching abilities (or lack there of) doesn't mean everyone else is aware

Which brings us to how Sawamura simultaneously gave you and Haruichi heart attacks :)

You were sitting in to watch the team practice on a particularly hot day so Haruichi asked Sawamura to give you a water bottle

"(y/n)! Catch!"

"Eijun-Kun wait-"

Poor Haruichi wasn't fast enough and watched in mild horror as his friend threw a water bottle at you

You looked up at the call of your name only for your mind and body to go straight into a state of panic

By some miracle (or perhaps your survival instincts) you ended up catching the water bottle!

Haruichi was rushing over to you spewing out apologies on Sawamura's behalf and checking to make sure you were ok

His worries diminished as he watched you jump around proudly stating that you caught something

(He then turned to his lovely friend Eijun and simply stated the words: "Don't ever do that again"😃🔪)

[theunconcernedembalmer]

ok i got the aesvic out of my system now time to pick apart the letter n why i wont really be following aesops diary exactly here. literally no one asked but i wanted to get my thoughts down somewhere cos i have. a lot

just gonna put a quick rundown of aesops diary entry as a refresher (mostly for myself so i dont miss anything): he dreamt that he was helping jerry with what was probably a murder n was affirmed n he thinks its a sign congratulating him on carrying out his duty. over the years, he carries out his duties as an undertaker n comes to the manor looking for a “fresh start” aka what sounds like his first victim. according to aesop, said victim should be quiet, n potential victim number 1 is victor. something about badly needing him to become his “silent friend” n he mentions he’ll get to wick n the 2 other survivors in due time, but for now he’s very eager to start his “mission”.

im generally okay with the letter (i have seen so many fights over this aha) cos there is no surprise he wants to kill ppl (ppl who r fighting over this point. did u even read his deductions?? guy happily killed his mentor??). but i didnt quite like the fact that he still looks up to jerry (although. i guess thats valid i just. dont like it). i was also initially kind of confused about the real reason why he would want to kill ppl since as u progress through the letter it sounds less like he kills for duty (cos of the whole dream thing at the start) but more “because i want to :)”, which is an okayish edgy kinda take imo. like not that u cant characterize aesop as Kill Kill Murder Die, but i kinda find that. pretty boring in the long term.

im just gonna put what my original take on aesop was, like all of it. first off, he hates jerry. u cannot tell me a psychotic serial killer like that can raise a child without emotional trauma. like any child, this isnt even counting the extra damage done because hes autistic. (n i also hc that aesop has read his moms letter to him at some point, n he should have come to the conclusion that it was somewhat also jerrys fault, whether through logic or denial that his mom would want to leave him, so that just adds to it.) but as much as he hates him, his teachings are the only ones hes been exposed to, n its been so ingrained in him since young so even if he hates jerry he would still subscribe to whatever twisted ideology jerry was feeding him, which ill get to in a sec.

going through his accessories, he has that origami that he folds for each of his clients, n it shows that underneath it all, aesop is still kind. this isnt expected of him n its definitely not part of his job scope as an embalmer. he (still?) has the heart to wish the best for those that have departed n takes the time n effort to fold one for each n every client he sends off, which is probably a lot. so going off on that, my hc is that jerry, being the manipulative asshole that he is (who probably definitely manipulated his mom into indirect suicide) probably used his kindness against him to make him believe that by murdering ppl he is helping them, framing all of his serial kills as a sort of mercy kill (like his mom). so the thing that aesop takes away from all this is the very twisted logic that by killing ppl he is helping them, therefore being a good embalmer and a good person in general. n everyone wants to be a sort of good person, or at least for aesop that is part of his job description to be a good embalmer. n we all know aesop is very serious about his job.

i also hc that he has killed several ppl between killing jerry n coming to the manor, cos i follow the story that he took the invitation from that poor lady n thats how he ended up at the manor. surely the lady didnt come to him right after jerry died?? but anyway, the way i see it is that he thought he liked to kill. like he finally truly understood why jerry kills so much (which is interesting now that i think about it. guy really just went along with all those murders without truly believing huh), because it felt good to kill. at least thats what he thought, the revelation that killing felt good n is good, but i say its because he hated jerry, n offing someone u kinda hate should probably feel pretty gucci. n its also so much easier to pick clients off the streets than in the manor, so i would think that he has killed ppl like his mentor did, but each time he did the great feeling that came with ending ppls life just. wasnt as good as the first time round. it just became a sort of normal satisfaction of a successful embalming.

this can go two ways: 1. he keeps on killing to try to find that great feeling again, which is cool i guess (n probably what canon would want, except canon states that he hasnt killed since jerry), but id like to go with 2. he just stops because jerry isnt around to enforce it whenever he isnt feeling up to psychoing someone to their death (which is probably how jerry got his victims, n damn if that doesnt take a lot of mind games that i dont think aesop has the mental capacity for since half of it is fighting with his social anxiety n other issues. dealing with alive strangers?? no thanks?? i doubt he would have learnt properly how to lure in clients as efficiently as jerry because of this, mostly cos he was only needed for the murder afterparty aka embalming n funerals). n as much as he stays professional, there is no. professional way of gaslighting someone to their death.

(n also since ppl have pointed out that his twitter replies n other kinda informal stuff have shown that aesop does have reverent respect for life, which also adds to him not being so blindly bloodthirsty as implied in the letter. i dont really see the twitter replies as very canon, but it does make sense that he would come to revere life with his unique take and obsession over death, for one cannot exist without the other)

so this leads me to the motive that aesop brings to the manor, at least how i see it. he isnt exactly coming to the manor to kill per se (like from the very early story, he came to the manor to return the letter to a relative of the deceased lady, something about respecting her last wishes. something like that, its really been a while since i saw that exerpt), so like killing ppl isnt his main purpose of visit. its more of hes always on the lookout for weaker (or at least those that take less mind games to kill) people to mercy kill, n it just so happens that he knows the manor n his mentor almost died from there, so theres a pretty good chance he can find some ppl that fall into this category n so it just so happens that he also has a job to do there. its still counted as a Job for him since no ones gonna tell him that embalmers dont actually. murder. 

so in my version, aesop only tries to sway ppl that he knows he can convince, n these ppl would typically be those very sickly ones like his mom (andrew im looking at u) or those with an actual death wish/ very weak will to live. but here aesop is choosing his “first victim”, and the criteria for that is... quiet? never mind “not evading him” and “not cranky” being on the list too, but that isnt quite what i was expecting from someone so dedicated to their duty of murder. sure he wants an easy first kill, but like. i dont think its consistent if his motive was really to continue jerrys bastard legacy. especially when the next paragraph is essentially him gushing over victor, that... sort of implies something else. or at least in the way i see it, since i believe that canon wants us to think that aesop just really loves to kill.

aesop likes victor. very much so. so much till he wants to kill him. which i guess makes sense cos he likes death, n now he likes victor. so he just. puts the two things he likes together. whats better than victor? dead victor. anyway the rest of the letter is more like “whatever, i technically should kill the others too but my priority is victor” so like. he confuses his (dare i say) yandere tendencies with his duty since the end goal for both is a body in a coffin.

having said that. i know i have aesvic brainrot but i also know this is one sided as hell (at least from the letter alone, not counting the letter shaped cookies in his birthday art that apparently belonged to victors birthday cake aha) n lowkey alarming since. the goal is to kill victor. i kinda want to interpret it as him genuinely wanting to be friends with victor (really wanting him to be a “silent friend”, maybe cos he doesnt actually know how to be friends with living ppl n is better with dead ones? therefore victor should be dead to be friends?) but not knowing how to n throwing in his obsession with death ends up with. this minor disaster waiting to happen. but i uh. dont know if this is valid. its valid to me at least, with my original interpretation of aesop. n again cos of his ingrained professionalism, he also kinda sees this as part of his job to send ppl off, so its another plus. not for victor, tho.

idk if ill add this yandere side in my aesop. i mean my boi has technically tried to kill victor multiple times in the past HAHAHAHA. maybe like sometimes he can be a bit obsessive. as a treat. but generally nah cos thats definitely gonna end up in a murder somewhere somehow n i cant. just kill victors here on the ask blog scene lashjflkjhdlfkjhas

so yeah that kinda takes care of the last part of the letter, as for the first part. as much as aesop hates jerry, i would also think hes pretty starved for affirmation (like i said jerry isnt going to be a good parent figure ever) n i guess it makes sense if the only times jerry has ever complimented him was aiding him in his kills n hiding the evidence, which might (?) add to his desire to kill (but that probably dies with jerry aha). so the way i see it as aesop is getting affirmation n takes it as a good sign instead of. remotely liking jerry. idk if im stretching it a little but i really dont like the take where hes okay with jerry. anyway we are ignoring that he hasnt killed before entering the manor cos that doesnt quite make sense to me (i wasnt dreaming about the letter from a lady stabbed in the face 36 times or so right???? right???????)

im also not like. trying to defend him, im just trying to make sense of his diary. boi has issues n is a little too far gone (not as far as canon tho), in my take very deluded in his way of showing kindness. literally cool motive still murder (or in canon, just murder?), please get therapy. but i just dont really like the direction that the letter was originally trying to imply, with him really just hell bent on murder without like. a clear motive (at least to me it isnt very clear since the last part really doesnt sound consistent with his supposed intentions). i mean i love being edgy with aesop every now n then but i dont think it would make for meaningful characterizations in the long run so. ill still be sticking with my original take on aesop with maybe a bit of yandere for victor cos thats always fun

[ksapphicbi]

tagged by tess @itsinjustbeing hehe <3

name - kayla

star sign - sagittarius sun, aries moon, virgo rising

hogwarts house - used to be a hufflepuff but now im a ravenclaw apparently!!

fav animal - cats 100000000%

cats or dogs - again, cats lol (sorry dogs yall are cute too but theres simply no contest)

blankets you sleep with - i sleep with a sheet and a comforter rn but its finally actually getting a bit chilly so ill prob add a soft throw blanket soon to be cozy (i live in california tho and i always get overheated so usually the blankets are only partially covering me)

explain your url - k(ayla)-sapphic-bi(sexual) lol its actually fairly straightforward (its my twitter @ too bc naming things stresses me out)

dream job - i am actually trying to pursue this (even tho i have no idea what im doing) but i just cant see myself as anything other than a singer/songwriter (ill take just songwriter if i have to tho) so i guess that’s it! wish me luck :’) ps. if anyone ever wants to hear any of my music pls pls pls dont hesitate to ask i would LOVE to share!! i dont have anything out atm but i have demos im working on hehe

why i made this blog - i hadnt been on tumblr in YEARS but i’d started to lurk on some spn/destiel blogs in like late october (mostly because my friend was sending me a bunch of posts from some of her faves) and then nov 5 happened and i simply had to get involved. truly never thought id be returning to tumblr EVER but ive actually been v happy to be back!!

and ok idk that many people here yet but ill tag @wholocksupersoupofpain @jus-a-lil-mouse @casdeservesallthelove @autisticandroids @procrastinatingbisexual and anyone else who wants to do it!!! no one has to tho haha no pressure either way :) hope yall dont mind being tagged!! (and anyone pls lmk if you dont want me to tag you in the future for whatever reason)

[naturalbornlosr]

50 questions tag

50 questions tag

I was tagged by @cassie-baby thank you!!!!

1.What takes up too much of your time?

Sleeping and doing nothing and being worried that I’m doing nothing rip

2. What makes your day better?

Time to myself, lots of sleep, being with my friends, appreciating them and being appreciated in return

3. Whats the best thing to happen to you today?

I hung out w this guy I really like and went driving with my best friend

4. What fictional place would you like to go to?

I really wanna live in the ATLA universe 

5. are you good at giving advice?

I would like to think I am, I hope so at least

6. Do you have a mental illness?

A couple 

7. have you ever experience sleep paralysis?

no and I hope I never will

8. What musician inspired you the most?

Every member of BTS

9. Have you ever fallen in love?

Yes

10. What your dream date?

Going out to dinner, taking a walk together on the beach and watching the sun set, then staying inside all cuddled up in a blanket fort watching scary movies.

11. What do others notice about you?

Idk lol uh friends what do u notice abt me

12.Whats an annoying habit you have?

I’m annoying in general lol I’ll talk to myself a lot especially if I have an internal conflict and I need affirmation out loud, also when I’m panicking I kind of shut down and don’t know how to ask for help from people

13. Do you still talk to your first love?

Yeah! We’re good friends 

14. How many exes do you have?

9

15. How many songs are in your playlist?

LOL WHICH ONE

16. What instruments can you play?

the guitar, piano, ukulele, clarinet (I haven’t in sooo long lmao)

17. What do you have the most pictures of?

AHFIHOFH Bts

18. Where would you like to go before you die?

Japan, South Korea, Thailand, Ireland, I want to go to so many places

19. Whats your Zodiac?

Leo sun, Aries moon, Libra rising

20. Do you relate to it?

Lmao yes

21. What is happiness to you?

Being content with your life and who you are and being strong through the bad times.

22. are you going through anything right now?

I’m constantly going thru it cuz I’m very mentally ill and can’t get help but I think I’ll be ok 

23. Whats the worst decision you ever made?

Speaking LOL

24. Whats your favourite store?

AIFUHW TARGET

25. Whats your opinion on abortion?

pro choice,,, why is this a question and why do ppl feel the need to have an opinion on it

26. Do you keep a bucket list?

no

27. Do you have a favourite album?

You Never Walk Alone by BTS

28. What do you want for your birthday?

I want to see my friends and family happy, healthy and thriving

29. What are most people’s first impressions of you?

I dont know? People have either said I intimidated them or didn’t at all there’s no in between

30. What age do you seem according to most people?

People think I look v young apparently but idk the exact age, I’m 20 now and people have said I looked younger lol

31. Where do you keep your phone while you’re sleeping?

My bed is lofted so it rests on my fan beneath me cuz the charger chord is attached by my lower bedpost (it’s hard to explain)

32. What word to you say the most?

I say no a lot as a general word lmao and I also say fool a lot when referring to my friends

33. Whats the oldest age you would date?

probably 27?? As of rn 

34. Whats the youngest age you would date?

18

35. What job/career do most people say would suit you?

Therapist, writer, nurse, composer

36. Whats your favourite music genre?

I don’t have a preferred genre I listen to anything

37. If you could live in any country in the world, where would it be?

Japan or Ireland

38. What is your current favourite song?

Always? Spring Day by BTS

Currently my jam? Boy With Luv by BTS

39. How long have you had this blog for?

Uh for like three years maybe?

40. What are you excited for?

break on Thursday, also I can finally sleep soon

41. Are you a better talker or listener?

listener, I hate talking even though I’m not awful at it

42. What is the last productive thing you did?

Made an attempt at studying lmao

43. What do you want for Christmas?

nothing

44. What Class do you get the best grades in?

Anything that has to do w creative writing or theatre or history I always thrive in

45. On a scale of 1-10, how are you feeling right now?

3

46. What can you see yourself doing in ten years?

Hopefully in a job and financially stable lmao, I want to work more on other stuff beforehand too tho. 

47. When did you get your first heartbreak?

SIXTH GRADE

48.  What age do you want to get married?

Idk I don’tcare at this point, I just know not while I’m in school

49.  What career did you want to have as a child?

A zookeeper and an actress

50.  what do you crave right now?

I wanna go home

I tag @crazynconfused @cozy-hobi @ferndeanmanor @casuallydylan @07-dionysus @ip-deok and @timugamaileilani

[kopfkinote]

Im sorry ive gotta clear this up did you like just discover worth it or just start writing fanfic or whats the deal here whats your journey cause BITCH im literally fucking sitting here sobbing and i wanna know who hurt you. child my standrew dreams are beautiful and soft and dont break my heart every time and basically like whats your standrew journey and should i be prepared to cry every time i read your art or just most times cause chica youve got a talent for making me bawl (its good but ow)

BITCH i love this ask sm !! now gather round kids for my Standrew Journey, (ryan voice) there’s a lot to unpack here

did you like just discover worth it or just start writing fanfic or whats the deal here whats your journey

ok full disclosure i did get into bfu first :)) true crime was my gateway drug for b*zzfeed content (tho i don’t keep up with it anymore uwu sowwy) so eventually around november 2017 i caved n started watching worth it & Boy !! had i been missing out.

tldr i was entranced by the clearly visible progression of their dynamic and relationship. i could write a whole essay about this but their sheer compatibility and the way they are almost intuitively drawn to each other is ,,,incredible to witness + i fell in love w how you could see them discovering this about themselves throughout the seasons. it’s kinda like when you can hear music being blasted from someone else’s headphones, in that the love&affection they have for each other seems quiet n soft n muffled to everyone else, but everyone else also knows that in their ears it’s super loud–for instance every time they have guests on the show, i always feel like they’re both trying to return to their own little loud world. sappy and nonsensical but true

in terms of writing fic help me get rid of this aftertaste was actually the first fic i’d ever written ! there was/is an unfortunate lack of standrew fic content which is a big rip bc there’s so much creative potential w exploring their dynamic. i was so invested in standrew and desperate for content at this point You Know I Had To Do It To ‘Em

(as someone who is super insecure about their writing, i hesitated til the last minute about posting it but yanno i had to be The Change I Wish To See In The World and i’m so relieved other ppl enjoyed it!! it was the first time in years i’d written anything for anyone other than myself. feels good feels organic)

i wanna know who hurt you

911 i have been Attacked

thank you for sending this, i never rly know how to respond when ppl say that my writing broke their heart or that they cried etc aha bc you can’t exactly b like ‘oh thanks!!!!’ but oh thanks!!!! or sorry??maybe?? the gist of it is that i’m moved that you’re moved :’>

@ other worth it blogs, feel free to reblog this (or make ur own post) and add ur own Standrew Journey !! it’d be c00l to see how everyone got into bfwi . gotta keep ourselves occupied during the hiatus somehow :’))

[threeracha]

another get to know me! :”)

tagged by @realstraykids @hyuunjins TYTYTYTYTYTYTY

tagging: @himeaegyo @jeongn @jeojangins @jeongin-ie @seungchanie @lees-minho @felixeslee @straykidding @dinojaeee @softstraykids @chanbng @chans97 @mydarlingfelix @chanskitty @ OTHERS THAT WANNA SPILL UR TEA BC ICANT THINK OF 25 ACCS !!!!!! (ps sry if u did this n i tagged u : ( (( ( )

rules: once you’ve been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 92 truths about you. At the end choose 25 people to be tagged. 

🌙 LAST Drink: green tea w honey! ilvoe tea :D”D”D”DDD

Text Message: i texted myself pictures of my textbook to note @ my grandparents’ house  Phone Call: i called myself bc i lost my phone in my room earlier,,,,, LMFOA OMFG HTIS IS SAD Song you listened to: jerk - ikon :””””) lmfao,,,,,, im highkey just big heart eyes w ikon’s return album im sobbing STILLLLL Time you cried: after school yesterday bc i was thinking abt dying alone,,,n stuff like that lmao

🌙 HAVE YOU EVER Dated someone twice: no Kissed someone and regretted it: my first kiss was ,,,, bad timing,,,,,, we never saw each other again after that night LMFAO Lost someone special: yea :((((  Been depressed: when have i not lskdlfkj KIDDDING,,, i mean,,,,,i,,,dk,,,,,  Been drunk and thrown up: no i hate vomiting and will do anything to AVOID tbh

🌙 IN THE PAST YEAR HAVE YOU Made a new friend: ye i lvo frends Fallen out of love: how do u fall outta smth u were never in 😪 LMFAO Met someone who changed you: i think everyone i meet changes som aspect of myself to a certain degree,,,,,,,,,,,,, Found out who your true friends are: idk,,,,,, im honestly,,,, a huge doormat,,,i cant tell who actually cares 4 me tbh OOPS Found out someone was talking about you: LMAO :P dont have this prob bc of my major irrelevancy cc; ,,, imean not TO BRAG BUT ----- 

🌙 GENERAL How many people on tumblr do you know in real life?: ik 4 irls tumblrs (not mutuals,,, lmfao,,,,, none of them know i have tumblr actually) + one of them i accidentally found i STILL CRY ABT IT I DONT WANT TO REVEAL WHAT THEIR BLOG WAS FOCUSED ON BUT DEF NOT WHAT I WAS EXPECTING SLKDJFLS Do you have any pets?: 2 bunnies and 1 goldfish!!!!!!! Do you want to change your name?: ye ig,,, my name feels rlly basic ( I MEAN NO OFFENSE TO JASMINES IN THE WORLD I JUST FEEL LIKE IDK LSKDJFLKJD F ) What time did you wake up this morning: 5:30am,,, then 5:40,,,,,,,, then 6:05 What were you doing last night: practicing the presentation i bombed :D Something you cannot wait for: to be done with high school i h8 it sm :( Have you ever talked to a person named tom?: does,,,,, thomas count? What’s getting on your nerves right now: when people are F A  K E as HELL to me,,, like GODDDD,,,, i dont wanna sound like hella salty or bitter but jfc it’s not like i can’t tell or anyth,,,,,,,, be transparent w/ me b!!!!!!!!!ahaha i mean not to shaaaaaade but LMFAO.  Blood type: o (i tested this in bio 2 yrs ago but this year i didnt test for the rh antigen bc im a wimp and cant prick my own finger again) Nickname: jas,,,, jace,,,,,,,,,, rissa idek if u follow this blog but bongbong  Relationship status: AHHAHHAHAH WOT THIS------------------- Zodiac sign: sagittarius Pronouns: s/h Favorite show: MOM IS SO FUNNY College: ???? WHAT IS THIS ASKING EXACTLY LDSKJFLKFJ,,, i am in college???? on my “second” year i guess Hair colour: naturally eh eh  black but i dye it brown Do you have a crush on someone: SIGH ,,,, IDDDKKKKKKKK ANYMOREOOEEEEOEOEO i think i do BUT I ALSO HATE HIM SO000000 MUCH  What do you like about yourself: u said wot now m8?????

🌙 FIRSTS First surgery: i had smth when i was young,,,,,,, i dont remember what it was lmfaoooo,,,,,, but i remember coming out of the hospital blind af and had to wear jankass “sunglasses” that flew away the moment the door WHOOSHED open First piercing: 6 months old First sport you joined: i,,,, d,,,ont,,,,s,,po,,r,t,,,,,,, First vacation: i went to seattle when i was ~6 months old,,, that’s where my ears were pierced LMAO First pair of sneakers: ?? HOW WOULD I KNOW THIS IM????????? WAGTLKJLKJFLKJC prob som ssketcher shit

🌙 RIGHT NOW Eating: lychee I’m about to: wash my face Listening to: my brother rage @ his xbox Want kids: um,,,,, doesnt matter if i have my own kids or not but i really want to adopt at least one kid Get married: i mean,,,,, if someone can tolerate me SSURE sounds cool Career: LMFAO,,,,,,, a student,,,,,, but im,,,, failing,,, does that still count

🌙 WHICH IS BETTER Lips or eyes: HMMMM LIPS!!!! i dont have an eye preference or wtvr but dEF CANT STAND WHEN U GOT SOM CHAPP AF LIPPIES Hugs or kisses: hugs def,,,, smth abt the whole SALIVA situation is a little YIKES 2 me honestly LOOLOLOLOLFmlSKDFLK Shorter or taller: whO THO IS THIS LIKE IN A PARTNER OR SMTH?? if so,,, my height & up???? : ) )))))) ))) Troublemaker or hesitant: hesitant,,,,, i honestly dont see the thrill in “troublemaking”? OR WTVR?? LIKE WHY????????????????????sdlkflskflskf Older or younger: doesn’t matter,,,,, not 2 young tho,, Romantic or spontaneous: romantically spontaneous? :Ddddd Sensitive or loud: sensitively loud??? :”DDD like ye man scream w me but dont hurt my feelins or nothin ok,,,,,,, Hookup or relationship: relationship,,,,,,,,,, i think being w/ someone means seeing urself w them forever ;;;;;;;;; why would u cut it off after ONE TIME SLKDFJ WTF WHY ;; that makes me :-(

🌙 HAVE YOU EVER Kissed a stranger: no Drank hard liquor: uh accidentally yes Lost contacts/glasses: all the hECKIN TIME --- Sex on first date: no,,,,, but if u abt that life, go u,,, not my personal preference lmfao Broken someone’s heart: yelmfao,,,,, that’s how life goes around tho, kids ;; ikinda feel bad abt this one dude ithink he thought we could b 2gether 4ever n i was like,,,,,,,,14 @ the time n was afraid of that,,,,,, commitment shit ;;;;;; Been arrested: LFMAO NO(t [[[[[[yet]]]]]]]]) Turned someone down: of course of course,,,,,,, only pedos like me hoNESTLY LDKSJFLKSDJF IM SCREAMING AS I THINK BACK ON ALL THE GUYS THAT ASKED ME OUT LKDSJFLSKJDFLKDJF I WANT TO VOMITNOW

🌙 DO YOU BELIEVE In yourself: lmao.  Miracles: when i pull a passing grade in my classes? yeÉÊËEĒĘĖÈë Love at first sight: as dumb as it is, yeah i do;;;;;

[lizziebennet]

Hi Aurora okay first tysm for your blog It's so lovely to have another person so passionate about my fave things (i.e hp and period dramas) Anyway, i recently read the HP series (again) and found myself feeling SO MUCH. I genuinely teared up at so many different touching parts and I was just wondering what are your favorite most heart-wrenching/emotional parts from the books? I realize this is a lengthy quesition so feel free to never answer this or take a year.

ye S SS i love being passionate ab things and sharing that passion w my followers!!!!! i love yall esp when u ask me questions like this where i get to talk ab my fave things everrrrrrrrr (ps thank u so much for letting me take forever to answer this ur so cute to say that ilysm)

ok so literally i will cry my way thru the entire series when i reread bc harry potter has so much emotional weight for me and so many memories that go along with it. but i decided to limit myself to just 10 bc otherwise id be sitting here typing all day. so w/o further ado: 

AURORA’S TOP 10 MOST TEARFUL HARRY POTTER MOMENTS: 

((in no particular order)) 

HARRY READS LILY’S LETTER IN DH: listen harry doesnt actually spend a lot of the books angsting over the fact that he doesnt have parents but in moments like this u remember he IS AN ORPHAN AND IT GETS ME SO HARD. fuk like just picturing harry crouched on the floor of sirius’s bedroom reading that letter… rereading it… crying… wow.gif!!!!! the line that makes me cry eveRY TIME is “She had made her g’s the same way he did : he searched through the letter for every one of them, and each felt like a friendly little wave glimpsed from behind a veil.“ LIKE RIP RIP RIP ABORT ABORT ABORT ITS TOO SAD!!!!!

THE LOST PROPHECY IN OOTP: JESSESCREAMING.JPEG!!!!!!!!!!!! listen ,,, i talk ab this chapter so much on my blog. it is my #1 favorite moment in my #1 favorite harry potter book which is my #1 favorite series of all time. SO ITS A PRETTY BIG DEAL. harry’s reaction to sirius’s death… his anger at dumbledore… his grief… his discovery of his fate… its beautiful writing and its so painful but so amazing to read. LIKE!!!!! MY BABY!!! HE’S LOST SO MANY PEOPLE!!!!!!!! MY SWEET SUMMER CHILD!!!!!!!!!! “I DON’T CARE!“ Harry yelled at them, snatching up a lunascope and throwing it into the fireplace. “I’VE HAD ENOUGH, I’VE SEEN ENOUGH, I WANT OUT, I WANT IT TO END, I DON’T CARE ANYMORE!” “You do care,” said Dumbledore. He had not flinched or made a single move to stop Harry demolishing his office. His expression was calm, almost detached. “You care so much you feel as though you will bleed to death with the pain of it.”” LIKE LITERALLY WHEN I GET TO THIS POINT I HAVE TO TAKE A BREAK BC IM CRYING SO MUCH I CANT MAKE OUT THE WORDS!!!!!!!!!!!! also fun story: one time i was listening to ootp on audiobook while on vacation and we were in the car waiting to taxi on to a ferry boat and we were listening to this chapter when the ferry guy came by to take our tickets and i had like TEARS STREAMING DOWN MY FACE and jim dale is yelling as harry in the background…. the guy was like ‘is this bitch ok??’ lmaOOOOo 

HARRY AND THE MIRROR OF ERISED IN SS:  this is another one of those moments where you remember that harry is an orphan and its /so/ painful. thinking about this teeny 11 year old baby harry sneaking out every night just to sit in front of this mirror so he can see his parents………my darling baby sweetheart i love him So Much. it just makes me so sad like hes /so young/ AND HE JUST WANTS TO SEE HIS PARENTS!!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHH!! it also gives way to one of my all time favorite hp quotes: “It does not do well to dwell on dreams and forget to live.” 

HARRY STOPS SIRIUS AND LUPIN FROM KILLING PETER IN POA: me reading this part is literally ISAYTHATSMYBABYANDIMREALLYPROUD.GIF!!!!!! like!! my boy!! he finds out this man literally caused the death of his parents and he MAKES THE GROWN ASS ADULTS SPARE HIS LIFE… LIKE… he literally acts twice his age and is so mature and is just…….so amazing. it shows such strength and wisdom and it makes me SO PROUD. the way he references james also makes me cry because you see the relationship harry has with james even though he’s literally never met him and its so beautiful. i love harry so much. 

HARRY AFTER SECTUMSEMPER-ING MALFOY IN HBP: this is literally the opposite of that last one where im so proud of harry this is def… not one of his best moments lol. he rly rly fucks up and his guilt is so raw and it makes me so emotional because i feel SO bad for him. its def an important harry moment in the books because it shows his flaws and the consequences of his rage, but it also shows how GOOD he is because he feels so bad about what happens and like willingly takes his punishment even though it means that he cant play in the quidditch match. he really like… atones and even tho its rough to read i def love that its a part of the series bc its a really like watershed moment for harry and i think it really reminds him of the wizard he wants to be. this part also leads to i think a more satisfying harry/ginny first kiss bc ginny defends harry and then him not going to the game leads to “several sunlit days” AKA ONE OF MY FAVE HP MOMENTS EVER!!!!!!!!!!!

HARRY AND HERMIONE VISIT JAMES AND LILY’S GRAVE IN DH: “But they were not living, thought Harry: They were gone. The empty words could not disguise the fact that his parents’ moldering remains lay beneath snow and stone, indifferent, unknowing.And tears came before he could stop them, boiling hot then instantly freezing on his face, and what was the point in wiping them off or pretending? He let them fall, his lips pressed hard together, looking down at the thick snow hiding from his eyes the place where the last of Lily and James lay, bones now, surely, or dust, not knowing or caring that their living son stood so near, his heart still beating, alive because of their sacrifice and close to wishing, at this moment, that he was sleeping under the snow with them.”  THIS IS ANOTHER ONE OF THOSE MOMENTS THAT I HAVE TO STOP READING BC IM CRYING SO MUCH I CANT MAKE OUT THE WORDS ANYMORE. I CRIED TYPING THIS. IM SO SAD. 

THE FOREST AGAIN IN DH: hoo boy. hoooooo boy this is a Big One. this one is really…. wow. just. wow. [deep breath]. there is So Much in this chapter that makes me cry where do i even START. harry realizing that he has to die and ACCEPTING IT BRAVELY LIKE THE HERO HE IS. “Why had he never appreciate what a miracle he was,  brain and nerve and bounding heart?” im crying….. hes so good. HARRY NEARLY STOPPING WHEN HE SEES GINNY and ginny’s crying and comforting some girl and im crying too. JAMES. SIRIUS. LILY. REMUS. WHEN HARRY ASKS IF IT HURTS TO DIE LIKE LITEARLLY I HAVE TO PUT THE BOOK DOWN AND GET UP  AND WLAK AROUND THE ROOM BECAUSE I GET SO EMOTIONAL LIKE. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! when harry sees harry and screams at him ……………… rip in pieces me!!!!!!!! ALSO ONE OF HIS LAST THOUGHTS BEFORE THE AVADA KEDAVRA IS OF GINNY AND KISSING HER……….. [GUNSHOTS] [SCREAMING]

BELLATRIX TORTURES HERMIONE IN DH: fuk this scene is no joke scary like it took harry potter to another level of real darkness. hermione being tortured was so chilling like beautiufl amazing smart snarky hermione it was so painful to read like my heart rate goes up when i read it bc im worried for my girl :/ and ron is sHAKING and like screaming and literally throwing himself at the walls to try to get to her and its SO upsetting like. they are still CHILDREN like theyre all so young and they dont deserve this like. hearing her plead and stuff … its just…. too much. these are my CHILDREN i have to PROTECT them. 

HARRY DIGS DOBBYS GRAVE IN DH: this is another one of those harry moments where i just want to give him a huge hug. like he insists on digging dobby’s grave by hand which is just ..... [gets choked up] its fine. and his thoughts while he dig make me so sad. he so /tired/. hes so frustrated with dumbledore and he the hallows and the horcruxes and he feels responsible for what happened. and ron coming out and helping him dig silently makes me so happy and its one of those times u really see how much rons friendship means to harry. and harry comes out of this like ... older and more mature? his wisdom and knowledge is rly apparent when he talks with griphook and olivander right after this like. he knows what hes going to do. hes made his choice. hes not going to race voldemort for the wand. i love him so much for that choice. hes such a grown man in this part like accepting responsibility, taking care of hermione and everyone like getting things in order. i love him. 

MRS WEALSEY HUGS HARRY IN THE HOSPITAL WING IN GOF: “’It wasn’t your fault, Harry,’ Mrs. Weasley whispered. ‘I told him to take the cup with me,’ said Harry. Now the burning feeling was in his throat too. He wished Ron would look away. Mrs. Weasley set the potion down on the bedside cabinet, bent down, and put her arms around Harry. He had no memory of ever being hugged like this, as though by a mother. The full weight of everything he had seen that night seemed to fall in upon him as Mrs. Weasley held him to her. His mothers face, his father’s voice, the sight of Cedric, dead on the ground all started spinning in his head until he could hardly bear it, until he was screwing up his face against the howl of misery fighting to get out of him.” HARRY POTTER DESERVES MORE HUGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! he feels so guilty about cedric and god bless mrs weasley for telling him it wasnt his fault because it WASNT!!! he did so amazing in the graveyard like.. .he saw voldemort return and he fought him and he survived and he saw his paretns and hE TOOK CEDRICS BODY BACK SO IT COULD BE WITH HIS FAMILY!!!!!!!! HE TOOK IT BACK FOR THEM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  i would die a thousand deaths if it meant that harry didnt have to experience this pain!!!!

whew so there we go!!!!! the bottom line is obviously that i love the harry potter series more than anything and specifically i love the boy harry potter so so SO much and his suffering is agonizing to read and he didnt deserve any of it!!! i can litearlly think of SO many more heartbreaking moments in the series but here are just a handful. happy birthday to harry!!! 

[prudentiae]

ascendantly submitted:

“god my ego. it needs no fueling.” - mani, 2k17.\

honestly whenever i start to praise you i have to stop and wonder if you don’t already know what i’m about to say bc you’ve heard it before.

i think it’s pretty safe to say that you’re a dash staple for most people at this point, regardless of your current blog or inclination. granted, of all the times i’ve been fortunate enough to call you a mutual, we’ve been in the same rp circle, but just seeing the way your charm ( lov thos good ambiguous words, right ) draws people from way across the fandom aisles, i don’t feel like i’m particularly wrong in understanding that you’re Pretty Okay, I Guess.

tbh i adored your squall ( and squall, admittedly, wasn’t a character i was always keen on ) but, now, a few months into watching your ignis shine, i’m really glad you decided to pick him up. you do him such justice that there’s never a moment where i’m not nodding along like yeah, that sounds about right or where i can’t hear ignis’s voice in your dialogue ( — as you’re already aware, duh, but i feel like it needs repeating, because ignis is a really daunting character to write, what with his wit and refinement but also his doggedness and the gentle side of that as well; my hat’s off to anyone who decides to tackle him and can pull it off to clear success ).

of course, you come across sharp enough that, lbr, you could probably work wonders with any character. ( lucky for me that you selected ignis though bc it gives me a decent excuse to pick your brain when i’ve got questions. & yanno. thanks for indulging me too Maybe. or is that enabling? )

hell, even if the characterization weren’t there, for whatever impossible reason, you could float the blog just by the strength of your writing alone. i don’t know how many times i’ve reread your response to that One Scar Meme, but initial few go-overs certainly set a precedent for me re: your replies — the first read is for the experience, the second asks why was this as good as it was, and the third is technical ( what can i say i like fresh syntax ). it’s how i approach most of my favorite writers. there’s just so much Substance to your content, my hands get a bit grubby.

plus idk i guess you’re funny ooc or something? i might Laugh sometimes? jury’s out on that still though

anyway dont talk to me about this idc if you post it, delete it, or w/e but as far as im concerned it didnt happen

“i am a fucking delight” - thomas. @ascendantly although i meant to use it for myself, the use of it now seems appropriate, for you.

now, i won’t get terribly wordy here, because (edited.) i know that you know how i feel about you, the writing, the portrayal, etc. and i don’t want to detract from your sentiment with my own, although i did make promise to embarrass you in some way over this (i.e. by publishing it.) .. and whether or not you find it embarrassing, i’m simply – appreciative – that you took the time to write up something such as this at all. i don’t want to say that it means a lot coming from you, but here we are, because it was unexpected as well as encouraging. i’ve held on to these words for a good while now, reading over it at least half a dozen times while trying to figure out just exactly what i want to say that would be even remotely poignant in return (because when has a simple ‘thank you’ ever seemed like enough?) 

for you, i'm aware it might(?) be enough, but that would leave me unsatisfied.

honestly, that’s what makes this easier, because while compliments can be a dime a dozen, you carry yourself in such a way that is magnetic. it’s not so much ‘complimenting’ as it is stating facts. 

so allow me to state facts. but only a few, or this will be longer than i intend it to be.

it’s easy to count you among dashboard essentials, which you’ll not hear from me alone. based on the more in-depth i’ve seen in the duration of this muse, i also count you among top five that i earnestly, really respect in terms of writers that i’ve met on tumblr. you set quite the high bar yourself, without the weight of expectation. the depth of your insight alone is incredible,but the way you phrase your thoughts allows for greater understanding in broad, beautiful strokes. you really tend to fill in those unfinished gaps that i’ve lamented the game not providing. i’m certain that we only see the tip of that iceberg and god only knows what lays beneath. while noctis is at the center, this extends beyond him to the general cast. 

& regardless of who is indulging who, the back and forth of our musings is a pleasure. you engage, while willing to be engaged, and it’s always fascinating to see your approach. in that respect, i suppose we can conclude that you’re Pretty Okay, too.

so maybe you are a fucking delight --  unfortunately (for you) you’ll never it from me ( unless it’s in reference to me. ) 

[0n3-h4lv3]

10:17pm 9/7/18

FUCK yall. Heres some things that *i* have 2 say. @ morgan : i love u so much !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! U literally deserve every good thing in this entire world. You are so loving and bubbly and positive that it is Infuriating to me that you have to face any hardship whatsoever. You dont deserve that, but you are strong enough to push through it and to make the most of any bad situation, and im SO excited for your future and the amazing things you will accomolish. Youve been my best bud for like ??????? 12 years almost ??????? How badass is that !!!!!!! U are the one bitch on this planet that i truly can tell everything. Nothing on this blog would suprise ir shock u, like a bitch knows whats up bc. God i rlly truly can 100 percent relax in ur company. SOMETIMES i still worry abt dumb shit but then i tell u anyway and it works out ok. Im mad greatful for that. Even with my other besties, i think id go mad without u and our friendship. I dont always send u the most responsive texts, but i DO think abt u every day and i LOVE u 2 bits and bits and bits. I wanna have sleepovers again. And tell bad stories abt marvel and folklore characters in the dark until we pass out laughing at eachother. I miss being kids. I dont think there was a point in my life so far where i have Truly been blissful or care free, i wasnt built that way, but memmories of u and me playing and creating and laughing together are truly the happiest i have. If not for you I would have killed myself three years ago in my bedroom after school, that day that i couldnt stop crying ? I went home and i tore at my shirt and i screamed and sobbed and slammed my head into the floor, lamenting how unlovable i was, but i really did have something that kept me from giving up, and it was you! I know thats heavy, which is why im putting it here and not actually telling you, but even though liv was my big fp at the time, you were rlly my reason to live. I just pray that i can do something meaningful for you, to repay you for being there for me before i die.

Finny! : BUD!!!! Ur actually. An angel but irl. Like sometimes i see you and stop breathing for a second. And im not even talking abt that ur like hot or whatever, its like. Gosh, finn you just have this presence ? And you are simultaniously so forgiving and understanding while taking Absolutely no shit and i respect that hard. Its like rlly hard to be uncomfortable in your presence. I still manage to sometimes, because god made me and was like "yeah this bitch will never see rest of any form", but like compared to the discomfort i feel around Most people, the discomfort i sometimes feel around you is WAY less and very warm asfjgja. I wish i got more hugs from you, i know thats like Mad stupid, but theyre. Validating and wonderful and they mean a lot and feel rlly good so more of those would be cool. I miss laying w u on the couch and watchin horror movies !! I know that was just like a month ago and its not like we cant do it again, but with how busy we are and how busy Everything is im very scared that we actually wont get to, or that u dont want to. Anyway im rambling, but u DO mean the world to me, and im so so sorry if im too much or overbearing. I dont know if you know how much you mean to me ? If youre on this blog you have an idea but i dont think these posts actually paint it accurately. For the past 10 or so years ive had a pattern of latching on to people, one at a time, and putting "all my eggs in one basket" so to say. It can be a best friend, or romantic interest, or both. But regardless ! This person directly and immediately impacts my emotional state. And rn its you !!! Which sucks a LOT. Bc even outside of my shitty "favorite person" thing, you are very important to me, and your friendship is so important to me. But i havent figured out how to negate or counter the whole fp experience, and so whenever u do anything... that i could interpret as disinterest or disgust or like anything negative, it has a 50/50 chance if sending me into a panic, sometimes a full fledged anxiety attack ! And whenever you show interest or affection or anything positive, it beyond makes my day. And thats. Like weird ? And it sucks even more for you, because if you realized how strongly just the tiniest thing can fuck me up, you wouldnt even want to talk 2 me. You would distance yourself to save urself from the stress and me from the whatever this is. But i know that my brain would just pick someone else as soon as you abandon me, so i have to just keep in my head and to myself until the fp thing moves on, or u abandon me anyway, or whatever. Bc i dont want to lose our friendship. And its ok !! But it makes our friendship more complicated on my end. I unintentionally put so much stock into how u percieve me, and so you not wanting to date me for suoer valid reasons still tears at my heart a lot. Like somethings wrong with me or you dont rlly love me or whatever even tho thats not necissarily the case. Anyway. Ill be ok. I rlly will, this is something i just need to man up about and push through ! Thank u for being such a cool friend :).

MADI !!!: UGH bitch. I do love u. Im sorry im late every time u pick me up in the morning and that i complain so goddamn much. I know its unbecoming but in my defense im feeling pretty rock bottom these days and u r like a cute little ray of sunshine that drinjs too much coffee. You are so. Beautiful okay ? That sounds like bullshit cuz im ur best friend and all. But this is honesty hour. See what i wrote to finn and mj ?? Im not fucking around. Im laying it all bare. This is the post yall will find AFTER i kill myself, so im not gonna LIE to u in it. Could u imagine ??? Anyway point is: you are so beautiful, and you are complex and interesting and Capable okay ? Like ur not a background character or basic or none of that. U feel like u are, and u say ur not pretty or whatever, and its like. The dumbest shit bc if u could only see what Every One Else was getting to look at ? U wouldnt recognize urself. Also. U have an INSANELY kind heart. I cant believe u were ok with me fucking your boyfriend. I cant believe you put up with my drama. You buy me coffee ? You go out 2 lunch with me ?? You seem to take genuine interest in me, and like my company !! Its bananas girl. I dont know how i can be so vile and low and selfish and you still stay by me. I dont believe i deserve it, but ur kinda adimant abt remaining my best friend, so hopefully ill have time to become a better person for you, and 2 return the favor. I love u mads. Like, big time. Ur a rock and roll girl and id do anythin 4 ya <3

Myla !! : buddy. Oh my god. A lot of people r likr "ohh im chaotic good" or "wow shes got such chaotic energy" and its MAD bullshit. But real talk ??? U like... do have such powerful chaotic good energy. Ilysm. Ur smile is Contagious. Actually just seeing u at school makes me smile. Ur company and friendship is such a blessing. ALSO lmao ur so ??? Like coy ?? And cheeky ???? Its mad fun, ur just like a very silly very lovely bud. I know you are Also very depressed and hurting. And i hate that so much. You dont deserve it. Nothing about you has earned it, but like depression doesnt care who earns what ya know ? Anyway ur strong. Likr 4 real, and i want u to know that you can SO overcome it, and u have such a bright future okay ?? I love you ! I KNOW finny loves you! I dont know ur parents that well but they'd be BATSHIT to not totally love you. Having you in my life is like a blessing, and i rlly rlly rlly hope i can repay the good energy some day okay ? I know u dont like talking abt how ur feeling, but if u ever want to, or u think of ANYTHING i can do to help, tell me asap okay ? Bc i will not hesitate to be there 4 u, no matter how big or small.

OKAY @ all of you !!! :

I LOVE YOU MORE THAN WORDS CAN SAY !!! IM *SO* GREATFUL YOU ARE ALL IN MY LIFE !!! Literally i cant. Express how important you all are. Im crying and i would Literally die for any one of you. That sounds like a silly thing but it would be. An honor to actually lay down my life for the sake of any of u guys, tho im not sure how the situation would arise lol. I feel like i owe y'all so much. I also know that if i am going to get better, i cant do it alone, and i might end up asking more from u guys :(. I hate that, but im hoping you can understand and allow me to return the favor somehow someday.

[survivormongolia]

Episode 2: “I was prepared to come in this game and slay.” - Madison

ok well... none of us were voted out which is alright i guess but we are literally not winning this immunity with gloria and patricia on our tribe.... like no offense to them but they finna submit like 20 thinking its a good score like arghhh its whatever tho bc im going to get the highest on the tribe so if they vote me out theyre literally the dumbest people ive ever met. if we lose, i truly dont think im going anywhere bc i have 3 people im genuinely friends with and ive been having good convos with dennis and brian... wow i cant believe im aligning with mostly men

me as soon as i saw the blog for the game: "i should check the rules page, i know some hosts are sneaky & hide advantages in there"

me: everything looks a-ok to me!!!!

hosts: make sure you check the rules page!!!

me: hmmm seems fishy, let me check again!!!

me: nope, nothing ot the the blue

me: tells dan about the advantage in the results post

dan: something looked fishy to me in the rules page, but i tried to right-click and nothing worked, let me check again

dan: omg. it took me to the same page as the results

me: wow. i truly am a useless piece of garbage

ok im back and i found out more info. so apparently gloria has been on call with dennis AND francie which means they dont play around. i think theyre being really social with everyone and i KNOW francie has amanda and emily on the other tribe so im actually really worried about them. i have talked to them a lot and i feel like i wouldnt be their first target but maybe randy or madison would be?? idk. if we dont win this immunity it wont be the worst thing in the world bc everyone agreed to patricia last week so might as well try again this round ig. i talked to randy and he's on the same page and also is afraid of francie and dennis being really social so hopefully once our tribe gets down to 7 or 8, the 4 of us (madison, randy, tj) would be majority. i really trust tj and he always keeps me updated but... he has a mind of his own and i wont be surprised if he wouldnt be down to do one of them. btw ill probably make a podcast or a video dr tomorrow if i find more tea... 

I’m not going to do as well on this challenge as my tribe mates I don’t think. So now, of course, I’m thinking about tribal last night and how I was asked about the first challenge and I was like “yeah keep me around bc I can help in challenges.” That’s not going to be good for now. I’m going to do my best given the calculus and government homework I have for tomorrow (EW). I’m also thinking about the game as a whole. I want to put myself in a position of power wherein I can be a big part of strategy and make notable moves while also not flagging myself as someone “running the game” (lol like that’ll happen) or someone who’s too big of a threat to stay. This involves identifying larger threats than myself and locking them out before anyone knocks me out etc. There’s a bullseye; let me find my quiver. This is also probably the last confessional I’ll make ‘til after the challenge because why spend time confessing when you can find invisible cows. (I’m on the way to school and confessing on my phone. No, I’m not the one driving. I may confess at lunch or study hall if anything worth confessing happens between now and then.)

Okay so I went back and checked the other posts and there wasn’t anything around. But when the new immunity challenge was posted, there was the same link hidden on the post. I sent it to my host chat and nothing. I noticed after I sent it that the link wasn’t hidden on the new challenge post anymore, but the previous ones are still there. Interesting….

So the Fans went to tribal and we were hoping that by sending Jon to Exile, they would vote out Randy and it would keep an inactive around to help them flop more. However, Jon struck out and was med-evac’d. Great. So now the Fans are gonna go super hard on this challenge since they basically got a free pass. This challenge, by the way…. Shout out to Drew. I hate this challenge. Invisible Cows can die, all of them. I told my tribe to make the window as small as possible so the cows have less places to hide, and I think its working out for everyone, so hopefully we can do this. I’m just worried because I know Madison on the other tribe just played this game in a challenge not too long ago and if she tells them about the trick then we are basically on even playing ground. Im at 800 right now and my goal is to get to 1500 but we will see.

I’m still trying to figure out my social game. Usually in games, I form some kind of alliance within the first 48 hours and generally keep up appearances with everyone. I want to do things differently this game. While I am still trying to be friendly and talk to people, I dont want to be the one to hold all the conversations. I’m having trouble keeping a conversation with Asa and Ian and Nicholas, but everyone else I’ve had at least a 10 minute conversation or longer every day. Colin has already suggested voting out Asa if we go to tribal because he’s talked to her the least. He says that me and him are good and I’m glad for that. I really like Colin. And I know that Emily will have my back, at least in the tribal portion of the game. Last night, Dan, Lindsay, and I formed an alliance. Finally! I really like Lindsay and we danced around forming an official alliance with each other for 3 days, and Dan and I have talked a lot, so I’m really glad this happened. With this alliance, and my bond with Colin and my relationship with Emily, I feel like I’ll be okay should we go to tribal. I’m hoping we don’t have to… here’s hoping we can find more cows than the Fans..

https://youtu.be/D45IAXpUHyA

This challenge is cute! And also my tribe is just Slaying this challenge. I love this tribe, we're stacked as hell djkfgfh

Oh well fuck. Well I was middle of the road with the scores so I didn’t go from top score to lowest ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ it still fucking sucks though. I hope enough people are down with the plan from the last round depending on who gets exiled.

Temujin exiling Patricia was the obvious move—keep the lowest challenger in the game and force the losing tribe to send a better challenge player home, increasing the likelihood of them returning to tribal—and from a strategic standpoint I have to give them a bit of credit but being on the tribe that’s getting screwed over? Fuck this.

So I'm in the predicament of which alliance to throw under the fucking bus, I should've been quiet about the group to Julia Rae and Madison. Best person to go home would be Brian or Randy, for my own personal benefit

Wow, so I don't know if you managed to see that but I told Julia Rae and Madison about GloForce...and then switch them to Brian

Wow this tribe really is doing that. I get a bad feeling we’re gonna get swap-fucked somehow. I guess now that its been a few days I can give my opinions on people a little more.

I get strange vibes from Amanda and Dan. I feel like they’re close just by interactions they have in the tribe chat. They both also seem like the type to be cutthroat. I think I’m in good with them tho so as long as I’m not doing anything shady they might not target me, since I have a feeling they’ll be the ones trying to lead the first few votes when/if we go to tribal.

I get good vibes from Emily, Asa, Quillyn, and Lindsey. They seem pretty trustworthy and easy to work with.

As far as Nicholas, Ian, and Colin go, I don’t really have any connection with them but I’mma try talking to them more while things are easy and peaceful so they would be hesitant to vote out me over someone else.

I’m really curious as to who got the secret advantage. I’m mad as hell that I didn’t get it but oh well. I feel like if anyone got it it was probably on the faves tribe, cause I feel like the fans aren’t putting in all that much effort or reading into things as much as an experienced player might. I’m glad to have been the one to publicly expose the advantage because I want whoever got it to be on their toes and that they’ll have to be more cautious and stressed about trying to do things involving it. They probably think no one is paying attention but I have eyes in the webcams on their computers. I see them.

Temujin won the second immunity and I'm very pleased with that as we are all getting along fine, but for how long? Eventually we will have to turn on each other and vote one of us out. My job is to just make sure it's not me, pre merge portion of the game I aim for a good score but not the best of unbeatable score. The sweet spot is upper middle, you are seen that you can be beat in individual challenges yet good enough to want to keep around for a strong pre merge tribe

Also i feel like horse culture is important?? Like idk why the hosts wouldn't just put a keyboard smash url or make the url (survivormongolia.com/secret-advantage). Like horse culture must mean something. I wish I was one of those girls in middle school who put horse stickers on all their supplies. I feel like maybe I could better understand horse culture and what this could mean. But just know i have made a mental sticky note saying "HORSE CULTURE" in bold sharpie.

Allow me to explain why Brian being voted off would be a fucking stupid idea or Julia and Madison, so if me, Julia, Madison, or Randy gets sent to exile and Patricia is gonna come back in our place just how well do you think that's gonna play out. Patricia isn't stupid and probably knows she was gonna get the boot...this time atleast. With the scores brian and randy have been producing it'd probably be them getting booted next, at this point I'm trying to stall...

I'm glad we won another immunity! although I'm getting sick of the fake sweetness of our tribe like nobody actually likes each other that much and that will show once we end up losing one of these challenges. I'm really tired of the passive aggressive competitiveness of some of these people too like, we can just all support each other and not like try to put people down who can't get as high of a score on a shitty flash game? I'm hoping for an early swap honestly I would definitely want to try working with some of these fans over the people on my tribe who I just can't seem to connect with.

So. Jon went to exile Island and got his 3rd strike. That was great, because he would've been voted off anyways.

Then the next challenge happened and disaster struck. First off, I love that minigame but holy shit, it drives some1 crazy UNLESS YOUR NAME IS MADISON AND YOU ACTUALLY FIND A TRICK TO SPEED UP THE PROCESS BUT THEN PROCEED TO NOT TELL ANY1. Eitherway I spend around 3 hours during all my exams and papers, that are due, to find stupid 800 cows until I was about to go to bed, wher TJ told me a trick to boost up my score. So I did that and brought it up to 1100 by another 20 min but that wasn't enough by FAR. The rest of the tribe decided that 300 or 600 is enough. Obviously we couldn't know how much the other tribe was getting, but after seeing that easy trick everyone could've atleast aimed for 1000.

We lose the challenge, they pick Patricia, which is a good pick (Since she would've most likely been voted off other wise - even though I did bring up a point in the alliance chat, that we might have needed her to keep the majority in the tribe, just in case the other 4 form a counter alliance). Me and TJ talked a bit and I told him before, that the only 2 possible votes are Brian or Randy. Both have barely been active in this tribe, with Randy just doing a tiny bit more (Flag challenge) but we can't hold that as a positive for him, forever. In the end it seems to be brian tonight, oh well unlucky.

But in my opinion, seeing how our Tribe works compared to the Favorites this wont change anything. They will keep beating us out in every challenge until we are at a low number of members just to be picked up 1 by 1 in the merge or at a tribeswap. Its super scary and I am already getting a little bit anxious and frustrated looking forward. The worst thing that could happen to us is, that we win the Reward challenge and then get on too much of a high, go back to doing the least amount of work, just to be crushed at the next Immunity challenge again. Lets hope that isn't the case. Lets hope a swap happens sooner than later, when we still have some numbers..

But, on a more serious note! That whole conversation about the secret advantage came up with Dan after he returned from Exile. He told me about the idol on Exile, & how it's the name of a Survivor, you only have two yes or no questions to narrow it down, & you only get three guesses. He also told me what questions he asked, & his guesses!

So, I guess my social game is better than I thought it was, because he said he was only going to tell Amanda & I, & we ended up making an alliance chat. To be honest, this group really makes sense to me, because I feel we are more of the "social" people on our tribe, where we'll message people first, & try to keep the conversation going, so I'm really happy with this core group. Now, I'm not a mathematician, but even I know that three out of ten people in a tribe is not a majority, but it's nice to have a solid core group that we can hopefully add to when needed! Plus, if you have a smaller group inside a bigger one, you're already in a better position number wise. I'm blabbering on about this newfound alliance, & how it's good for my game, just to watch it blow up when the inevitable swap happens, & we're split up. :) :) :) :)

I'm still trying to form relationships with other people on my tribe, but I feel like I haven't really gotten far. I think I have a good relationship with QuilLynn! We actually talk quite a bit, & have good conversations about things outside the game, & I really like her! She's someone I can definitely see myself working with down the line, so hopefully she feels the same way.

Like, I'm really glad & relieved that we've won the immunity challenges, but sometimes when you're on a tribe that keeps winning, it's easy to just relax & not talk as much. It's when you lose, where everyone starts to scramble, & relationships develop further. Basically right now, we're the Love tribe, where everything is sunshine & rainbows, & no one has a bad thing to say about anyone. But, if we were to lose, we'd go from *heart eyes emoji* to *knife emoji* real quick.

I don't want to say I thrive in chaos, because I don't, I'll overthink every possible scenario & hop aboard the paranoid train, full speed ahead. However, I thrive when people are very conversational, & I feel like the people on my tribe will only become like this when they feel their ass may be on the line.

Another update about our tribe idol: Still haven't guessed once. Still a flop. Let's try to turn this around, Lindsay! You can do it.

This confessional has been all over the place, so sorry I'm a mess. I don't know. I can't control my thoughts or put them into words very well.

I’m angry I found 2.6k cows and we still lost. I don’t know what this tribe is doing tbh it’s such a mess. I was prepared to come in this game and SLAY but that’s kinda impossible right now so.

Gloria is an icon.

That’s all.

So I guess I haven't done one of these this round! WHOOPS. Well, not much has changed in my game. I'm still really enjoying the tribe for the most part and just trying to do my best in the tribe! Like I'm really proud of myself for performing so well in the challenges so far. Jokes on the tribe bc when I start school again, I'm not going to have as much time to do things *shrugs* I know I'm pretty and successful and they'll just need to understand that.

On a serious note, I'm worried about Colin coming back from exile and the idol situation over there. I'm lucky I have some time to plot and think about how I'm going to address that. I think I'm gonna say something along the lines of, well I kinda wanted to see who went to exile next before I said anything to anyone about it. I would be open to sharing information with Colin, I just feel like with him working we really haven't had the chance we need to really like create a lasting bond. Yes, we talked about people we liked and about keeping each other's best interests in mind, but that was one curt little conversations. I know curt implies rudeness, but that's not how I mean it, I'm just not smart enough to think of a better word. But, any who, I have some scrambling to do with our relationship, but I'm willing to give it a go. We shall see what the future holdsssss.

Cow cow cow cow cow cow cow cow cow WOW IT WAS WORTH IT HEHE! I got 666 cows and our tribe won by an absolute landslide. I’m super happy! I am excited to see what happens when the fans actually have to um vote someone out and not be saved from a medical evacuation lmao. Also I haven’t been talking to people like I should because I’m so fucking lazy. And tired. Like give me a break people

Ugh we lost but I did so bad but I didn't had time to do it. I feel like I'm going home tonight unless I get to go to exile since I was lowest and last one they send had nothing

Hello it's me fallen tuna. I like my tribe a bit better it's pretty clear that we are all pretty busy. I suck the most at the comps so thats somewhat confusing but asa talks less so if we lost that might be the one person I'd try to get out

So this round has been me trying my hardest and obviously not succeeding. The faves tribe are just too dedicated for this game. Which is great for them, but we arent naturally as competitive as they are. Meaning that we're once again going to tribal. And they sent home Patricia. The girl who we thought would be the next voted off.

So now its scrambling. Julia told me her group of TJ, Madison, etc. is going to do Brian. I brought up the fact that me and Brian are close, and that Francie would probably be better since she's obviously close with Amanda on the other tribe. But Madison is also close with them, so i dont see them leaving this week. If I have to vote out Brian. Then damn, but I'm not leaving premerge. So its just time to cut my losses, and hopefully make it to a tribe swap.

Confessional: I am very upset with many players on my tribe who I feel don't need to be here because they are somewhat inactive and not trying all that hard in challenges. They need to carry their asses to be perfectly blunt. They are hurting our tribe and it takes all the fun out of the game to be honest. People are telling me they are voting Brian and I love him to death and know for fact he can be a great player but this game he has shown me nothing so I am going with majority and he was on my rdar this round for vote also, I am working with TJ Francie and Dennis and hope us 4 stick together and none of them turn on me. Thus far they are my safety net but who knows what will happen if a tribe switch happens and I hate this sending people to exile island it sucks big time cause I am afraid that will kill my game if sent. I hope that everybody 100% votes Brian out tonight and Randy isn't showing much attempt either after doing that gorgeous flag. That sucks but it is what it is in games take the good with the bad. Hope I last see you at tribal honorable host. <3 GLO GLO <3

So my gay ass is sitting here, minding my own business, and what do I see in a VL I'm in? Emily and Amanda are hosting an Athena season together? INCHRESTING. I will keep that little tid bit in the back of my head when it comes time to vote somebody out.

Okay so basically at this point my tribe is slaying the game! As one would expect, we have a lot of seasoned players who are hungry for redemption and really don’t want to be the first fave gone so everyone is going really over the top with these challenges. I won’t complain because they keep me safe by extension but i have a feeling that there is going to be a loss or a luck comp in our near future and i just don’t know how i am going to fare if we go to tribal. Right now i know that Quil, Emily and Lindsay wouldn’t vote me out. So that means hopefully 4/9 votes. Ive been trying to reconnect with Ian and I don’t think he would vote me out either so I think I could survive a tribal if I ended up going to one.

Right now i am putting in some work to make sure that Im not the first boot from this tribe. I’m trying to not talk to Asa or Thomas [they also don’t message me,,,,ew??? like wtf are you doing here if you aren’t going to message anyone] so that I can eagerly throw their names around if we go to tribal. Also ironically enough they are the highest placing members of our tribe so I’m hoping it can be an easy sell. That’s about it for now!

Honestly, I hate the fact we lost the challenge. I hate the fact that Patricia was given immunity because that means that my time may be up. People barely try and talk to me, or even bother to reply to me. So I think it's me tonight, which is fine. I am content with my journey. I was told it may be Randy but I doubt it. We'll see.

I'm good Patricia is coming on so hot. She's just like "I wanna work with you" and calls me right away like omg ajdhaidhss it's not that I wouldn't wanna work w her it's just that you'd think she'd spend st least ten minutes to have some small talk before throwing me six feet deep into strategy talk...

i dont think im getting voted out but if i do oh well... everyones voting brian i believe and my friends have no reason to lie to me so i am feelin GOOD!! i hope theres a tribe swap so i can be safe for once oh my god

I hope this tribal and the Brian vote are successful. Fingers crossed!

I'm confessing to say Emily was robbed in Athena All Stars and I love Drew even though he drags me always the end