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#i dont think anyone can love that haha
overuseduniverse · 6 months
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tbh I'm scared of ever being in a relationship again bc I don't think I'd find anyone else who'd actually be okay with the amount of sh scars I have 👍
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fulcrvm · 10 months
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I am thinking thoughts about airports and flying again. And Dreamling, of course.
So. Human AU. History professor Hob has to fly around a lot for work, perhaps for conferences or smth of the sort so it's always to a small handful of the same nearby cities. He's pretty neutral on the idea of flying in general, though he wishes it was a bit more environmentally friendly, but Hob is a sucker for a nice airport and especially a nice airport lounge during layovers or before boarding.
Hob has begun to frequent a small local airline (White Horse Air, the logo is a coat of arms with a little pegasus, wyvern, and hippogriff on it, haha) when traveling because he likes their service (they've never lost his bags, not even once!) and their flights are never fully booked, which makes them quieter and easier for hob's chronic pains. He always picks seats with no one next to him so he can sprawl out and so it's easier on his knees.
Until, one day, he boards the little plane and there's someone in the seat next to his. Hob's sure that when he booked his seat, the other one was empty. Oh well, whatever, Hob's not going to bother the other man already sitting there for one flight— he'll just have to be a little more mindful booking next time. Hob shuffles into the seat, and notices that the stranger sat beside him is reading Sir Thomas Malory's Le Morte d'Arthur! Hob gets excited because! That's a William Caxton publication! And Hob has so much to say about Caxton! He turns to the stranger to strike up conversation about it and... is immediately lost at how pretty the stranger is. Handsome, gorgeous, yes of course, but pretty, with the shell pink lips and focused blue eyes and slight frown at the book in his hands. Hob picks up his metaphorical jaw off the metaphorical ground and strikes up conversation with the stranger. Though the other man starts off apprehensive, somehow the two hours of flying fly by and the two of them end up talking about all sorts of art, history, and everything in between. Hob learns that the stranger works in publishing, thus his interest in Caxton.
Their flight lands, and the two of them disembark at the gate, still attempting to continue their conversation while Hob tries to wrangle his carry-on bags. (The Stranger only has a small laptop bag on one shoulder and a suit jacket folded over his other arm with him.) Then Hob has to check the time and begrudgingly says that he should probably head towards his next gate soon— this is just a layover after all. The Stranger looks ever so slightly disappointed and admits that this is his actual destination and he needs to meet his sister soon. They part ways, and Hob tries to dwell on the strange warmth in his chest. He thinks about the Stranger for his entire work trip afterwards.
This, somehow, happens a couple times. Turns out they both frequent White Horse Air, and though they're never in booked seats next to each other again, the flights are always empty enough that they can shift to sit next to each other once the plane's in the air. They chat the flight away, and then part ways once they disembark, with the Stranger headed to the baggage claim and Hob to his next flight. One time, the Stranger even requests the hostess to bring out a special bottle of Chateau Lafitte 1828 just for the two of them to share. Hob's in awe. He really enjoys their conversations, it's nice to be able to talk about his interests in a non-academia environment. The Stranger always has the most intriguing and eye-opening perspectives on everything, too. It doesn't really help that Hob thinks... maybe he's developing a tiny, teeny, really inconsequential really crush on his Stranger. He's not in grade school anymore, how does he feel like this about someone he doesn't even know the name of yet!
This all comes to a head when Hob mentions to the Stranger that his layover is a bit longer than it usually is, and if the Stranger is in no rush, they can continue their conversation in one of the airport's lounges. White Horse Air is a bit too small an airline to have their own lounge, but Hob's collected enough miles to get into one of the other airline lounges and is fully willing to pay to get in one if it means more time with his Stranger.
The Stranger is extremely enthusiastic about the idea— which shows up physically as a subtle, coy upturning at the corner of his mouth and a little sparkle in his eye. (Hob feels proud that he can read this reaction so well.) He's so enthusiastic, in fact, that the Stranger offers to get them both into a first-class lounge. Hob doesn't even pretend to hesitate to say yes.
Let's just say they get to the lounge, split some cheese and wine, and the proceed to get even more enthusiastic with each other in a private room. Hob's lucky he brought a change of clothes in his carry-on. (Maybe Hob's not so lucky and can't sit comfortably during his next three-hour flight.)
Hob gets a bit emotional when he has to leave for his next flight (already missing being able to hold his Stranger's face so gently, being able to card his fingers through his soft, smokey hair) and gets his guts together to ask if the Stranger wants to exchange phone numbers or something, so they can be in contact more regularly. Perhaps even, meet on purpose maybe? The Stranger smiles and kisses him lightly on the cheek when he slips a business card into Hob's hand.
Hob's so caught up in it all that he doesn't check the business card until he's fully boarded and sat on his next flight. And he gawks.
Morpheus Aion The Dreaming Publishing House
As in, one of White Horse Air's biggest shareholders? Aion, as in, probably the sibling of Teleute Aion? As in, Teleute Aion, the CEO of White Horse Air?! Hob almost passes out.
In the end, Morpheus and Hob laugh it out. Morpheus promises he never abused his sibling privileges to invade Hob's privacy, but used the sibling perks to frequent White Horse Air flights a little more than he even needed to just for the chance to see Hob again. They're both happy to not need to keep flying just for that chance anymore, haha. Idiots in love! Turns out, while Teleute lives where Hob keeps having his layovers, Morpheus and Hob actually live just a few hours driving from each other from their shared initial departure location. It all works out perfectly, and Morpheus self-restraint from inviting Hob to move in (so they don't have to keep travelling to see each other, no matter how small) lasts not even a year after they officially start dating. Hob doesn't even pretend to hesitate to say yes :)
(Years down the line, much after they're married, Hob finally has enough miles to get them back into those first-class lounges to have more fun. It's all very lovely.)
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More of my favourite low effort CPDS Members as my screenshotted tiktok comments memes for you as an apology for being so inactive and proof I am still around hehe <33
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dykrophone · 6 months
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good GOD can we stop gendering everything. I swear some of y'all just took the futch scale and decided to run with it as gender roles 2.0 (yassified edition)
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waterfallofspace · 8 months
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A Word-Filled Update
that no one's asking forrrr~
Sooooo, hiya~ ^^
Realized I kinda dropped out without much word, and wanted to give a lil update to anyone who may care, (and specifically to all the unfilled requests that have been sat in my inbox for months now T~T)
Dropping it under a cut because it gets quite long~ but I'll also TL;DR it with: been a bit burnt out, trying to get back into this, I apologize for all the unanswered asks, and I will be trying to get to the ones I can, but I'll be focusing more on trying to enjoy the process of making content~ Thank you to anyone who's stuck around <3
(Tw for brief mention of mental health/neurodivergencies~ nothing in depth or dark, but just incase anyone wants to avoid that <3)
Nothing serious has been going on, mostly just burn out and a bit of drama in main friend group, combined with free time just being a lot more limited recently~ (not a bad thing, most of it is because I'm getting to talk more with friends I've gotten closer to this past year~)
That said, I've been trying to get back into content, making it, reblogging it, etc, without letting it become all-consuming. I find, with the way my brain works, mostly to do to some wonderful neurodivergent tendencies, I tend to fall heavily into 'all of nothing' mentality.
This shows up in my day to day life, (ie: can't wash the dishes for weeks until I suddenly do them all in one day) and I've definitely noticed it with content creation. Need to write and finish a story in one go, record a wav as fast as possible, always afraid I'll lose that motivation.
But honestly? I love making content on here! And I'm not a huge blog, nor do I care if I am (at least trying not to, if I'm being painfully honest~) but I genuinely love making content. Whether it's just for me, a request that I am hoping one specific person will enjoy, or a story I write with a community in mind, I just love creating~
So, I'm trying to ease my way back into this! Bit by bit, let it be fun, and enjoyable, with less internal pressure to produce as much as I can, as fast as I can, and make it be perfect.
I won't lie and say 'numbers don't matter to me', if I'm honest, they do. But I'm learning more and more how to let it be about the content, and to just enjoy the process~ (and if people like it, that'll be a wonderful bonus!~)
Wooo this is getting so long, I apologize sincerely! Last thing, something I've mentioned a few times previously but never really let myself get into... requests~
I'm so honoured that people care about my content enough to have asked for things, and getting any ask, request, praise, ask lists, heck even just a 'hi!' is honestly the best part of this blog for me!
Buuuut, I definitely worked myself into burn-out before with a "every request needs to be filled and fast" mentality, that led to just... not filling any.
So! I'm going back through my inbox, and deleting some older ones that I don't have a clear vision/motivation for. I apologize to anyone who requested them, though by now it's possible they're long gone~ But I think this will help me not only start enjoying the creation process without feeling so overwhelmed, but also start actually getting more content made~
There are definitely a bunch that I still adore, and am thrilled to get to test out, but if there's one you remember sending, and you really want to see it completed, please feel free to send another ask saying what it is you want done, and I'll see if I can get that going <3
And if you've stuck it out to the end here- uh hi! ^^ I'm sorry this is so long, I'm such a words person, but I appreciate you so much, not just for any support you've offered, but just bothering to read this <3 I genuinely didn't expect most to make it this far, so thank you so deeply <3 and I hope to see you guys around as I start reblogging stuff more!~
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nyaskitten · 1 year
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thinking about. about Krag. how he's the last of his kind. how his family was ruthlessly murdered by Zane's soldiers, and he had to bury them all and create tiny burial grounds for them and no one talks about just how fucked up it is that the show just NEVER addresses that Zane was responsible for LITERAL genocide like and they never even explain why the yeti's were all fucking killed so this dude lost his whole fucking family and its never explained as to WHY he had to fucking lose them all and AUGH SCREAMING SOBBING TEARS TEARS TEARS
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opens-up-4-nobody · 1 year
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#hello to anyone who happens to b interested in the saga of my life... also maybe the irl person i gave my url to... hopefully my blog#didnt freak her out too much lol. anyway so its been a busy week? 2 weeks? month? year? life? its been a lot. my parents helped me move#across the country from the desert to somewhere that's beautiful and green. my dad is so jealous of me lol its so so so pretty and theres s#so much to do. will i do any of it? that remains to be seen but im gonna try to be better about that sort of thing. try to get some help#with the thoughts in my head that keep me from doing and enjoying most things. its weird like im decorating my new room which i love. the#location and living situation seem ideal and i really hope i can stay here all 5 years of my program but i was picking a lot of bright#colors and now it feel uncomfortable. like if i wear things that r too bright or my room is too bright without dark contrast it feel weird#like if im wearing it it kinda makes me feel sick. idk what thats abt. anyway. ill try to heal my brain and im just so happy to b out of the#southwest. i was so so so excited when we were leaving thr city and even more so when we left the state. i cant believe im here. in December#it felt like a million years away and i really truely could not fathom how i was gonna survive that long. my thoughts were so distorted. but#i did and here i am. and in like a month i should b starting my phd program and my parents were telling me how excited ppl r for me and#jealous of where im living and im glad. im glad they're excited. i think i am too but its under a layer of: if i get excited it wont happen#im not allowed to b excited or it wont happen. which is irrational but ya kno. anyway so that's yeah. im so happy to have a fresh start and#the town seems super cool. a liberal blip in a sea of... not that so theyre very visibly pride forward haha and i think itll b way easier#for me to get around without driving. and im gonna try to make friends. i need someone to tell me where to get tattoos haha. so yea im happy#but exhausted and i dont wanna go back to work and so so greatful to my parents for being wonderful ppl idk how bc both of them had fucked#up childhoods. like my mum will say the saddest shit and im like bro this is y i don't wanna talk to my grandma fuck her and my dads parents#r so fucked. like my nana is the reason im so fucking control freaked out but i kno i have issues and she has no insight and thinks shes#better than everyone. anyway hopefully i can get back to drawing a posting more now. ive been drawing it its been in a sketch book#like an actual sketch book for sketching big ideas thst r gonna take fucking forever to draw 😭#so that's all. just uprooted my whole life. thats all. but in a good way :-]#unrelated
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crescentfool · 7 months
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going to keep this vague on purpose but playing reload has reactivated brain chemicals in me that i forgot i had.
i think i'd want to make a more thought out post later, but i think my favorite thing about reload (aside from seeing minato in full HD glory) is how much it's made me think about video games as a storytelling medium- specifically with what mechanics and game design imply for characters.
there's a lot of quality of life features added to reload that help players easily enter a flow state and get immersed in the gameplay (most notable with tartarus)! which is so dope! reload has been such a nice blend of the mechanics from both FES and portable and it feels like a love letter to persona 3 fans.
there are definitely mechanics i miss from FES (minato's ability to wield multiple weapons being one of them). i can't deny that FES has some dated mechanics that don't necessarily feel fun for the player experience... but!
i think i mostly miss things from FES because i feel like so much of minato's characterization (for me) was informed by the gameplay experience and mechanics (e.g. fatigue system). obviously there's still other ways you can put together his personality (his dialogue responses), but i think game mechanics are a bit part of it, for me.
but in spite of that, i think reload is a really nice introduction to persona 3, it's so much more accessible and has a bunch of things to help make it more fun :) so far i think i'd recommend it to people :D
#persona 3#persona 3 reload#i don't even really talk about mechanics from reload specifically here but just in case haha#lizzy speaks#im really enjoying this game. i dont want to get into specific details abt reload in a text post atm#and if i do in the future it'll be under the cut#but my god this game is giving me big brainrot#i know i tend to mostly just be like 'hehe fanart reblogging time and here is me talking about the two guys i like'#but playing reload again reminded me of how much i loved playing FES because it was so fun for me to see how FES was designed#like... every time i finished FES i'd think about how much modernsona evolved the gameplay formula and built upon it#and now every time i finish reload i think 'goddamn they've really nailed the formula this experience is so fun'#but also it's fun for me to think about the different experiences curated by both FES and reload#i don't really know if anyone would play FES anymore with reload being out but i still really like the takeaways from FES#FES mechanics may not be the most convenient for the player but they definitely help sell the narrative in ways that only a video game can#like sometimes i just think about the movies and while its a good summary of the events it feels more like supplementary material#like p3 is 80+ hours and in order to have that 6 hour movie experience there's so much that has to be condensed/removed. they hit different#sometime after i finish reload im going to make a text post about my favorite mechanics from FES and how you can read into minato's-#character from it (i don't feel like it's very original but GUYS I LOVE GAME DESIGN GAME DESIGN IS SO COOL AND INTERESTING)#anyways. i needed 2 get my feelings out there. im on august 4th rn. this game is so awesome i love experiencing minato's day to day life#and i fucking LOVE TARTARUS!!!!!! (this tower is my beloved i can just live here forever).#i love having no expectations for video games ever because then i get knocked out of my seat im having so much fun. ok bye. back to the voi
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gemharvest · 2 months
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Need to get on top of whatever dumb fucking inferiority complex I got going on I'm tired of looking at everything about myself and going "Wow I am really sub-par." I know it's 2am but this isn't the midnight thoughts talking this is a fucking persistent curse throughout my day.
#ventings#drew up a really cute sketch and I will be honest I wanna share it at this stage sooo bad but my brain keeps telling me#that my dialogue writing is atrocious. so i guess im keeping this to myself until its lined lol#its going to take so much for me to share it and not go `sorry if this is ass haha..` BECAUSE I DONT WANNA SOUND LIKE IM FISHING#FOR COMPLEMENTS. IM NOT. I JUST GENUINELY DON'T THINK A LOT OF WHAT I COME UP WITH IS GOOD#LOL. LMAO EVEN idk im not even sad about this its kinda just pissing me off. can i not be confident in my works at least once#i think this is why i dont write a lot either. cuz id love to do it more i just constantly think what i put down is complete ass and it#demotivates me. positive comments are nice and i appreciate them sm but then my brain goes back on its bullshit#going to throw up and cry so many talented people surround me and i genuinely do not get what anyone sees in me LOL#like you can follow people who emulate the fnf style better. you can follow people who make better ship art or fics#you can follow people who are funnier. the worst is feeling like everyone around you is a moment away from realizing youre#actually worth nothing and dropping you for someone better at articulating things or who are funnier or are less annoying or#okay i just looked into the invisible camera and gave a toothy smile and a thumbs up to stop myself from crying i think#ive gone far enough into this. im going to bed#sorry everyone who sees this i promise im not normally this much of a sad bitch!#my inhibitions are just lowered cuz im tired and also all of my friends should be asleep rn so im not gonna accidentally#make people feel bad for me cuz of this. gluh. ive got shitpost doodles in the works ill be back to being goofy shortly
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hecksupremechips · 5 months
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Actually cry so goddamn hard when I think about Shinjiro Aragaki healing and being loved and having to learn to be okay with himself and being taken care of
#writing him has just been like. OOOOWOEOEOEOOE i piss tears i cant handle this shit this gay ass shit#i came up with an idea for just like a cute short one shot i wanna do soon and hnnnghh im so emo about it#very healing its like very hard to write some of the shit im gonna be writing cuz basically#some of it is just a little too real man and while i crave the angst and the drama i am just like#AND THEN EVERYONE HOLDS HANDS AND ITS OKAY PLEASE DONT CRY PLEASE#and ive mentioned how shinji has accidentally become nb to me now because i just kinda happened to write him that way without meaning to#and now another thing im noticing is that in my fic hes kinda bpd coded#it definitely wasnt intentional but now im accepting it as truth no one can stop me#i just really need him to be happy its more important to me than anything else man i need it for me#and he needs to be gay with aki they need to kissy and i think its funny cuz even in the parts where shinji is mad at aki and pushing him#away its like. he kinda has it bad lol and its clear he feels no actual hatred towards aki but more just self deprecation because he doesnt#feel good enough and like idk i just think about their respective roles in society like#aki is an honor student star boxer hero very attractive very kind very popular got adopted by a rich family#hes going places you know meanwhile shinji is a drop out who never had a family ever hes homeless hes sketchy hes on drugs#his reputation couldnt be any worse and he just leans into it and feels he has no future and hes worthless garbage#and aki could literally have anyone he wants you know he has an army of girls pining over him but he doesnt want them#HE WANTS SHINJI AND NO ONE ELSE HE SPENDS YEARS CHASING AFTER HIM#and shinji HATES it hes trying so hard to push him away and be the crusty delinquent and make aki see how worthless he really is#but aki just doesnt stop he loves him so much makes me sick SICK#and shinji really loves him back hes like not gonna shut up ever about aki hes like either doing it in a gay ass annoyed way#or hes like ‘haha omg aki is so cute though hes always trying so hard to be tough but hes just so sweet and gentle you know i hope he#doesnt push himself too hard if he got hurt id fall apart hes so silly i hope hes eating good i desire him carnally’#yeah sorry gamers this is just a pairing i cant be normal about they mean so much to me personally the fate of the world rests upon them
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bunnyb34r · 10 months
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I know I should just block (and not OPEN) tags and posts ab '24 but my brain is stupid and likes to be informed even if it makes me worse
#marquilla#im not even joking when i say this next election makes me wanna kms so bad. im fucking terrified and i feel like we already know what's#gonna happen. not bc people arent voting or organizing i mean bc of how far the right has gotten and how angry they are that a#dem won so theyre gonna show up in droves and it's like god i wish we could idk have some safegaurds in place??? like oh idk you#incite an insurrection you Can't run for president?? but also that wouldnt fully stop shit bc florida has its own neo nazi running and#theres more behind him in the wings. but like idk man i just get so fucking suicidal thinking ab the future#and my drs. are like well then dont look at the news??? 'i sure dont' mkay thats great (not) but um i CAN'T not watch bc i need to#be informed i need to know. and they're like well then stop worrying ab it til election day?? LIKE THAT HELPS#so i just dont bring it up. and i just spiral and have breakdowns in the shower and think ab making a will and shit yknow normal stuff#bc this is fine! just dont engage! stop worrying it's like a year away! it MIGHT get better! idk Join in your community then??#like yes yes thats a start but with what fucking energy when im bedbound most of the time im not working and that doesnt stop these fascist#s like me helping the community garden would be good for the community and probably my mental health in general BUT that doesnt deal with#the actual fear that makes me wanna Kermit#like it really fucking feels like all i can do is pray and hope god somehow intervenes (rapture anyone?) and that things do go well and#that the outright outspoken nzis don't win but like I really just wanna die man#i know the outcome more than likely will not directly affect my life bc im white. cis passing. and can go back in the closet regretfully#but like that doesnt reassure me any bc i have friends and loved ones and generally just give a shit ab other people and how this WILL#affect them directly and that terrifies me. it really feels like we cant ever have a moment to just exist yknow??#idk man i just wanna die bc im so scared haha how fun (: how normal (: this is fine. everything is fine.
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stuffedsand · 9 months
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four and sixteen for milgram? :3
4- what was the last straw that made you finally block that annoying person?
Ok imma be real I've never blocked a person,,,,, I've blocked plenty bots tho
I've gotten reeeaaaallll close to blocking someone but like. I like seeing people's opinions even if I think they're unreasonable. It's a mix of a strange type of entertainment and kind of to keep me open minded? Cuz if I have to look at it and I wanna talk about it I gotta read it through in detail to make sure I'm reading them right so yeah I don't have anyone blocked 💥
16- you can't understand why so many people like _______
............ok I won't that theory because I have another ask that I'll do that for....
Maybe how some characterize yuno as just "girl boss" n not much else? Honestly jokingly it's totally fine but c'mon there's still a bit of girlfailure and inability to let others in there yk it'd be fun to talk Abt it more
Alternatively I do have things I don't understand about what people DISLIKE in this case es milgram I've talked to quite a few ppl (on disc mainly I don't think Ive seen it on tumblr much) who despise es and like!!!!! Bestie that's my silly lil guy you're talking about what'd they do to you!!!!!!!!!
I mean I understand why but also,,,,,they're just a lil creature man they're 15 and in a position of power with no memories of course they're gonna be a bit egotistic in this situation
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isabelguerra · 2 years
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paranatural would be so good if the characters had intended symbolism and core beliefs and things behind them that drove a specific meaning. rather than being tools for shonen anime pseudomocking
#like all joming aside the comic is funny but thats it. its funny. its made to be funny. it has some wacky lines gets some good reactions#its funny. but i dont think its a good story anymore.#like let’s really think about this for a moment. what is paranatural about.#4 years ago i wouldnt said ‘kids fighting ghosts in their wacky hometown’ but theh havent done that in ages. theres no trace of that story#and there hasnt been since chapter 5 ended#digging further- thats just plot. what is it ABOUT? the power of friendship? the perseverance to protect the ones you love?#i used to love max for his down-to-earth straight man grounded perspective. max wasnt funny. max was reasonable and the contrast of that#reason against the nonsense of the town is what MADE him funny.#like the other day when i posted the comparison between ch4’s hallway specshot scene and the one from fridays page#max isnt being funny in the hallway. ‘why am i here’ is put against Haha Woww So Deel Max Lol to which he can reply no i mean study hall.#his reaction is rational. the sarcasm adds humor but its rather the world around him which is so newly strange that his normalcy is funny#and then versus the new page. max makes a Why Am I Here joke again. but this time the question is not asked by max the character who wants#to know why his father has dragged him to a kids entertainment zone. but rather is asked as the setup for an#Unexpected Quirky Classic Max One-Liner ‘no i meant on this earth why do i exist’#it just feels so much flatter. max isnt aloof and uncaring and sarcastic because he doesnt care about anything or anyone and is untouchable.#max is standoffish but genuinely nice and caring for the people he meets. his first instinct after landing on johnnys face#is to ask if hes alright. when PJ feels distraught at not being important in his own death maxes first instinct is to find a way to make him#feel better. to challenge that perspective and doubt the viewpoint his own poor self esteem gives him#when isabel comes out of her spirit trance and is too shocked to move max immediately rushes to her side to protect her against a spirit hes#terrified of. and then the next day brings what happened up to her and says hes sorry she went through that and hes got her back#he BREAKS HIS ARM TO PROTECT JOHNNY AGAINST HIJACK#hes a good protagonist because even though he has trouble connecting to others and being super friendly hes still NICE!!!! he still CARES!!!#i might take these tags and just make them a new post this turned into loving max hours#paranatural
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tortademaracuya · 1 year
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It feels undeserving 👍
#once again thinking if i should like. not tell anyone#not tell anyone when the festival will be held nor my thesis defense#dont tell anyone absolutely anyone so no one can come see me#whyshould i make people waste time on seeing probably one of the worst things i have worked on#i feel. judged everyday. nothing is as good as it should be#this does not feel like a feat but rather a terrible shame#who cares about my degree i always feel like im being shamed when someone broughts up the fact im working on my thesis#i like what i study. dont get me wrong. and i dont think this in general. this is a me only issue and iknow that#and i know everyone would get upset with me#not like my mind cares haha the thoughts wont stop even if i try to be rational#i feel like such a terrible burden just asking for help. i feel like everyones thinking what a disappointment i am#i shouldnt need help. i should be doing this alone. and it should be way better than the garbage im making#last class the professors asked me 'why did u rate yourself so low? your work is fine'#i didnt even pick the low option i wanted. i picked a higher one to be generous with myself. i wish i had picked a 1. thats what i deserved#even if they say it looks good or that they r excited to see what i make. it all sounds like lies in my head#no one showing up is what i deserve. i shouldnt ask for help. i shouldnt celebrate anything#i wish people would yell at me and tell me what a fuck up i am#'the people that love you would be excited to help you if you would actually let them'#it all feels like a set up for showing what an idiot i am#haunted.txt
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kameonerd566 · 1 year
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I am finally done with s2 of Good Omens and
ow
#i usually dont mind spoiling things for myself#in fact thats how I usually get around to watching most shows and movies is i see juicy takes here on tumblr and then go watch it to do lik#research or whatever#but oh man i do have my regrets this time#first of al yall can probably tell im not well because i'm talking with aziraphels speech pattern rn but besides that#its like i ate wayyy to much dessert and spoiled my dinner :(#it was amazing#but if I hadn't known about the breakup and what was soming ans how nina and maggie talk to crowley and the whole thing with megatron or#whatever his name is#I think i would have anjoyed it so much more bc after finally watching the kiss for real and not in a gifset#i was just like woah i feel NOTHING right now#and besides that i havent seen anyone talking about how blatently obvious it was that azi didnt want to go if he wasnt going with crowley!!#he pleades nervously with megatron!! he doesnt want to get in teh elevator! he tries to come up with and excuse! the bookshop! he cant leav#but then he begrudgingly does get in when he heares about the second coming#and i think that hauntingly sick grin he has in teh elevator credits is because hes conccocting a plan#but i agree with crowley so much that there is so much azi just blatently doesnt understand#and i am unsure how he is supposed to have any sort of character dev when hes isolated up in heaven#maybe the absence of everything he loves will drive him crazy???#idk but goddamn#i wish I could put all my memories in a fly and watch that whole thing again haha#so good#good omens
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bileroom · 16 days
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we're going to have our own safe home again and then we can process the. aughh
#not even lisa rn just using her blog . um#i kind of forget how much that bothered me. why did i have to reach out#make up your mind. dont you hate him??? didnt he hurt you too???? why won't you look at me. why wont you think about.#the implications. why did nobody ever think to worry about me#every person in his life who he hurt knew i existed i was right there the whole time and none of them ever stopped to wonder#if i was ok. none of them thought the things he woukd say or do IN FRONT OF THEM were signs of anything bad#my telling her i am there to talk and she still sees me as a child and assumes i cant have an adult conversation abt him.#but apparently seeing me as a child doesnt extend to bothering to protect me from him.#she knew. they all knew. i said it to their faces . fucking so many cries for help but im just a spoiled brat#one of them said i had him wrapped around my finger. haha#i was nine years old... and that was during the worst of it too. in the apartment w him. i was so scared all the time#was i really that invisible or did nobody want to bother to look?#after everything he did to all those women and girls not a single one of them ever considered his daughter.#man like that but sure he must be a great dad. because he says he is idk. because he loves me so much and they can all tell#he traps me and i cant turn to anyone. nobody notices. nobody acknowledges.#i feel guilty for reaching out TO HIS EX GIRLFRIEND and asking if she wanted to talk about being abused that i was here. to talk.#and what. she turned around and told him??? she ignored me??????#she full well knows. she must. he abused her and injured her more badly than he did me#even though he compared what happened with her and what happened with me#. even then. she must have at least wondered if he hurt me too right.#but she never did bother. nobody ever bothered to wonder about me.#why should i feel guilty for reaching out to HER as an adult asking if SHE is okay.#maybe she should have tried even a little bit when i was a kid and i needed help.
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