#i dont think ive talked abt her much on here but shes very cool

[geraskier]

on the topic of me being a kept pet--roomie and his fiancée were half-jokingly talking about hiring me as a live-in nanny if/when they have kids and money.

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

[trainingdummyrabbit]

oooooooobhhhh...... would it be alright if you talked abt ur ocs......... if it's not a bother.......

stands here like some sort of beast . this took me two days. im so sorry. inhales

i can absolutely talk abt my ocs yeah :D never ever a bother!!

this is rose and wolfe! theyre two of my lobcorp ocs whom i love very dearly :] they (and the rest of their group) have their own lil story going on, but i say that very loosely bc im just having fun honestly ^_^ and they sure do love making decisions that make that Rather Difficult For Me. but alas, anyhow,

this is inevitably going to get Pretty Fucking Long! (post-post edit. ~35 paragraphs.) so if youre prepared for that. 👍 yippy!! anyway hope you like fucked up little lesbians bc here we go

im probably going to be retreading ground here a bit bc im gonna try and take it from the top, but also because i dont remember what ive said and what i havent so ill just say whatever i remember ^_^

the basic gist of th storyline is that its kind of a pseudo-murdermystery but instead of dying u get turned into some sort of beastie ! ^_^ aka 'nobody knows what the distortion phenomenon is yet and are kinda too busy freaking out about it to notice headquarters exploded last week'. dont worry about that.

slaps notes on the table. this is gonna be really messy and maybe kinda incomprehensible but its ok bc this is just how its going to be. hope this helps.

OK LISTEN. they started out as one thing and then slowly kinda turned into something else and theyve been haunting me for months but they make talking about them Literally Impossible because of how much they just. fucking cling to each other, narratively. its impossible. they make everything so fucking difficult.

wolfe is some offshoot of a take on those Edgy Playground Wolf Ocs that you see a lot in middle school-- or well, thats the root of it. she was always going to be played fully seriously, but everyone was kinda written more silly-like towards the beginning anyhow. yknow, one of those 'orphan lab experiment who pretty much had to take care of themself and really hates people, with Cool Mysterious Powers theyre really conflicted about' type characters. and honestly a lot of that still sticks, really.

she presents herself in a kind of over-the-top way to try and get people to take her seriously and leave her alone, but honestly its just kind of . offputting.. in a way, shes kind of a stand-in for what its like to be a teenager (neurodivergence notwithstanding). sometimes the only thing you can do to get people to listen to you is to make a scene and yell really loud! and everyone will always discredit it as just something that happens while growing up, being "disobedient" because you want attention or want to be rebellious and contrary, but everything you feel IS real and it DOES hurt and nobody BELIEVES you so all you can do is yell LOUDER. its all theyll respond to. (and all it does is make people double down on what they think of you.)

wolfe is a character that is honestly kind of genuinely a bit extra, a little bit embarrassing, but very genuine. a lot of her life was spent not being able to decide what happened to her physically; just kinda pulled and prodded around whether she liked it or not; (again, the whole orphan lab experiment thing was never a lie.) and thrashing around is really all she can do about it. be inconvenient, irritating, hard to deal with; any small victory, any little foothold would do. unfortunately, most of what that's ever done is make things harder for herself. (she hates being expected to be something convenient to others, yet in her attempts to cast it away, forms her worldview to the dichotomy they set up around her. curious !)

so you have this fucked up lil thing and drop her into an lcorp facility. great superb fantastic. n then you give her some ego gear and it messes her up Big Time because guess what, her body is all sorts of fucked up and is Not reacting well with this whole thing, causing it to quite literally Stick and all those 'mild' side effects are now 'major' side effects and everyones Fussing over you again because youre an Anomaly and you Dont get any rest and youre still getting used to a body and mind that isnt Quite what it was before and you Cant leave since they need to figure out whats going on here and Oh God Fucking Damn It Its Again.

so its pretty fair that shes being Like That about the whole thing all things considered.

at this point shes just trying to make it through day by day without someone prodding her about something or another, just stop Staring at her already, fuck off. just one foot in front of the other and try not to think about it too hard. thumbsup 👍 more often than not she works alone; not just because of her own decisions, but also did you know cobalt scar gets a boost on low hp for the exchange of activating friendly fire? pretty crazy. shes kinda reckless and bound to get herself hurt anyway, so it doesnt really Change anything to just kinda.. send her out there without backup. not like she works well with others anyway, right? itd be pretty dangerous to pair her up with someone n all. yknow.

it kinda sucks, yknow? at this point shes so fucking tired of The Everything that honestly she just wants to get in and get out as quickly as possible without having to deal with any nonsense. shes still really pissed off about the entire Situation, still trying to keep any small bit of autonomy she gets to have, but like. well. sometimes it really is easier to just Do Your Job And Leave. finish your tasks and not think about it and not bother with anyone and fuck off until you have to do it again. thats how it always wouldve been anyway, right? easy. annoying. so, so annoying. god she fucking hates it here.

so anyway, rose. she sucks. she doesnt, but i have to say it every time i talk about her Or Else. shes the reason i have such a hard time talking about The Everything. and also why i had to rewrite this and take Two Days getting to it. she is just. So Much. shes an idiot. shes too smart for her own good. she would fit right in as a YA novel protagonist. this is all stalling on trying to explain what the hell is wrong with her.

honestly on a surface level shes pretty chill all things considered. mostly stays in her lane, gets along with people pretty easily, just kinda goes here, pretty good at small talk. she loves listening to people. she Loves listening to people. the problem. she isnt lying, per se, about her entire Presentation and general manner of being, but she isnt really honest either. shes disingenuous. kind of.

rose as a character is Very aware of how people act, and why they choose what they do in what situations. as such, she has gotten very good at Acting A Part rather than actually Living It. she loves listening to people because she wants to know who they are. not in a "i want to get to know my coworkers ^_^" type of way but in a "writing down all your character traits and quirks to record your habits" type of way. a weird sort of genre-awareness. she is very Very easily able to track exactly what type of person someone is and adjust the way she acts around them to... any sort of effect she wants to, honestly. mostly its just quelling dumb spats and getting people to stop being stupid like people tend to do, but every so often she isnt exactly averse to just kinda... messing with people. only a little! but she Could, if she Wanted to. which she doesnt. because shes nice.

rose sees interpersonal interaction as a complex 'game'. not by that name, but by that function. everyone always Expects something, in engaging with another, and all it really is at its core is getting what you want without giving too much ground. to figure out who the Other is without them figuring out who You are. its a competition. to understand what another person Is is what gives you the advantage. to know is to win, to be known is to lose. keep your cards as close to your chest as you can, and they cant control you. easy. its something everyone Does, but only a few acknowledge. she was just good enough to learn.

but like, admittedly, shes very chill. shes literally nice? like yeah all that but she is literally nice. shes fine. shes like... fine? shes all right. like Yeah it sounds bad when you put it like that but she is literally nice.

rose plays a lot with the idea of Symbol. shes a fully realized person, yeah, but she was never Expected to be. she exists mostly as a formality, and she knows thats all that was really expected of her. she was there to Fulfill An Ideal and little else; so she reaches for what she can when she can. be Sweet and Simple and Pretty-- that's all. and she isnt, she knows this, but it sure does make things simple when thats all people know of you. (impossible for people to dig for information people dont think exists.)

a flower in a broken vase unsure if its defined by the petals or the holes. shes someone intrinsically frustrated by the rules that define her, but is unable to comprehend a self without it. clinging to it because its the sole point of control she feels she can Have over things, but wishing to cast it aside to self realize and prove that shes worth the time of day to acknowledge. (she doesnt care what her caretakers thought of her, but still she defines her actions based on their idea of her. curious !)

so you have these two in the general vicinity of one another right.

rose initially interacts with wolfe as almost a game. a test, even. just to see if she could get anything out of the weird one that sulks in a corner by themself, refusing to interact with anyone. shes just curious, yknow? and wolfe, obviously, takes this about as well as you think she would. dont you have better things to do?? stop asking about my fucking hobbies. ..rose could always count on her for a reaction.

wolfe was very, Very resistant to playing along much at all. she thought that giving just simple brush-off responses would get her to get the hint that it wasnt worth bothering, but then rose would come back with more questions building off of whatever they'd talked about, just... idly talking at her. a frequent annoyance turning into just. consistent background noise. yeah this might as well be happening. but even still, the amount of things that rose remembered and considered and genuinely seemed to listen to kind of caught her off guard. it was... weird. it was really really weird.

it wasnt really all that hard to read what wolfe was feeling at any given moment. it was kind of funny, honestly, especially with how she tended to present herself. (honestly, how did everyone else just Miss all of this?) but after some time, rose was surprised to find that she started to just... speak to her frankly. it was stark, only every so often, almost as if she didnt realize the shift in her own tone. its around then that rose started piecing things together herself and... oh. ohh. (how did everyone just miss all of this?)

Bad News Motherfuckers! Its Fucking Over For Both Of You! wolfe finds someone who is genuinely willing to listen to her on the sole drive of simply Understanding Her, rather than wanting something in exchange, wanting something From her; and rose. god. she finds a reflection of exactly what she wishes she couldve been, things she couldve done, were she not shaped into what she Is. an understanding of something she'd never acknowledged, never knew was there, but was there with her the entire time. someone with a clear understanding of what they are, willing to fight tooth and nail to keep it, regardless of what anyone or anything else tries to do with them. things that the narrative constantly tries to take from them; things that rose wants so desperately to let wolfe keep.

so yknow, girl things. THIS is where things get really annoying.

rose seemed to enjoy messing with wolfe just for fun, but honestly shes just kinda taken by her honesty. she doesnt ever seem to have any ulterior motives when shes around her, she just… is. and does. because she wants to. rose honestly isnt really sure how to handle someone who isnt just… mildly bluffing at all times, especially about connection. that level of vulnerability is scary to her. so she teases her. she expects her being flustered-- and she is-- but still, she finds herself caught off guard by wolfe's earnestness.

even so, rose catches herself being far more open than she intends to be-- accidentally, at first, against her better judgement, but then tentatively, almost as if to test the waters. just how much could she show of herself and still uphold that trust? how many red flags can she put up before wolfe notices? no, that was unfair. before it becomes unforgivable. before it recontextualizes her. she cares, yes, genuinely and deeply so. (but what does that mean, coming from her?) she wants wolfe to be safe. (im asking you to leave.)

wolfe and rose both trust each other to a degree that they dont trust many others. its the passive understanding that theyre very much alike, and the even more silent knowledge that they want better for each other; in a roundabout way of knowing that they themselves deserved better, no matter how much they insist otherwise.

theyre very genuine with each other in a way that kind of surprises themselves. neither of them quite know what theyre doing, nor do they want to put a name to something so fleeting, but… its there.

wolfe desperately wants to be closer to rose, but hates that she desires that vulnerability. (it was always rather dangerous, showing your hand like that.) its an annoying fondness, constantly prickling at the back of her head any time rose is even remotely relevant. even when she isnt. shes kind of haunted. shes very defensive of her in a way she honestly doesnt realize until someone points it out. it just comes naturally to her. (whats the difference between a guard dog and an attack dog again..? (is she really ready to deal with the implications of this? is this not just having another will enacted on you? how does she really feel about that?))

rose, meanwhile, is… actually also conflicted. she likes wolfe. this is obvious. it wasnt intended, and she can roll with it, but it's… complicated. she handles it a lot more analytically. she notices when wolfe takes a step forward, and matches it in turn. equivalent exchange, and all. show that youve noticed, that you care, that youre paying attention. (i think she may be afraid. despite her presentation, she's afraid.)

she acknowledges the feeling of desire in this bond-- she wants wolfe to be able to live outside of others' influence. desperately. (if she cant, then…) she refuses to acknowledge what this says of Herself, though. but most importantly, she knows how easy it would be to simply take the role of someone who controls her. (isnt that just what she's always done to others?) she hates the idea of becoming that. (it would be so easy.) goes out of her way to avoid influencing her in that way-- but somehow, this just makes her more distant. hesitant to touch.

and with that fear, she tends to react, again, logically. tries to solve it like a puzzle, like she always has. finds the shortest distance to a perceived goal. this makes her rather distant, disconnected-- shes trying to control her own feelings by controlling what is around it.

what this means, most importantly, is that she is unable to trust wolfe the way She trusts her. she isnt strong enough to push back against what she sees of herself, or that which she uses to protect herself. giving in to those well-walked patterns instead of being able to brave uncertainty in something that new. she hides herself because she isnt sure what will become of her-- and is too afraid to risk what may come of losing the person she suddenly deeply cares about. setting herself up to crash harder should the worst happen. because she would simply blame herself. proving herself right.

meanwhile wolfe is dealing with Actually Trusting Someone for the first time in longer than she can remember, whether she likes it or not. maybe she was being stupid. maybe this was just a foolish foray into trusting people like she’d always told herself not to do. but… but. rose just brought this sense of comfort wherever she went, this feeling of certainty.

it was never good to let your guard down, but… but just this once, she so badly wanted to. once you let these things go, it becomes harder to get them back. she knew this. and yet, all the parts of her that protested were overruled by a deep desire to simply lie down and fall asleep in that comforting feeling. how frustrating. how annoying. how dangerous. now she had someone she could not argue against. and yet, she held this advantage as if she did not know it was one she wielded, a dangerous thing held without intent. was this trust? …did she want it to be?

and so, foolishly perhaps, she decided to trust. it was a tenuous thing, unbeknownst to anyone but herself. …probably. rose did have a way of seeing right through people. but even through all that, through the Everything… it felt nice to have someone to look out for. someone to worry about, someone on your mind when there used to be nobody else but you. she’d spent so long worrying about the repercussions of leaving your back to someone, yet she’d never known the comfort of having someone do the same to you. she’d never realized how hard it was to do much of anything with fangs bared the entire way. the ache of worry was dull compared to the weight of silence. (she would give her Everything to her. all or nothing, with her. maybe this was simply part of the inevitable problem.)

hey remember the whole turning-into-creatures thing? yeah thats still happening. crazy right? anyway. The Problem.

so you have people turning into things not quite unlike abnormalities, expressions of deep fears and desires running away with what used to be a human. and youve got some fucked up little guy with a Lot of barely repressed issues thats deceptively easy to mess with and actively averse to anybody really reaching out to them whatsoever.

and then rose is trying her best to figure out whats causing all this bullshit going on, but also her . coworker. is suddenly acting Really snappy and distant and its kinda starting to make her worried and she doesnt want to push her but shes looking really rough lately and fuck. wait. god. wait. shit.

long inhale. so you have two stupid motherfuckers 100% willing to drop everything and kill everyone in this facility and then themselves if anything so much as happens to the other (but theyre super normal about it, its fine, the other doesnt have to know.) theyre so good at this interpersonal interaction thing guys they swear (dont look too close though ok haha.) theyre sooo unknowable guys theyre really pulling a fast one on everyone here. they Definitely know what to do to fix the problem forever its fine they totally get it. dont stop them.

anyway heres a bunch of images for no reason

[moonjxsung]

STAR IM DEVASTATED so i have a priv twt acc right w some irls and this stay from stayville req-ed me a long time ago and i was soooo happy that i was mutuals w someone from stayville and i THOUGHT everything between us was cool? but today they unfollowed me and removed me as a follower and im devastated i dunno why they did that :((( i don't think they had a problem w me saying nsfw stuff cuz they previously tweeted things like "cancelling someone over saying smth nsfw abt an adult is stupid" and also ive seen them interact w nsfw minsung posts so i dunno if me tweeting smth like "i wanna suck flxs cock sooooo bad" couldve made them wanna break the mutual??? i dmed them too and i was like "heyy is there a reason you don't wanna be moots w me anymore </3" and not even minutes later they turned off their message perms and im devastated. its STUPID bcs they'd barely interact w me Sure but it felt nice to have a stay be my friend on my priv twt that's usually just for my irls and i </3 it's ironic that they did that too bcs just earlier today (before they broke the mutual) i noticed that my followers went down (i have a very low amt already. like. 25. not even joking) and i tweeted "yall dont wanan be friends w me anymore </3" bcs like. my followers are QUITE LITERALLY only my irls + a skz writer so i was (i think rightfully??) alarmed that the number went down!!!! man im just Sad about it and SIIIGH i know i shouldnt care so much bcs at the end of the day they're just a person online but the least they could've done was dm me back and explain why and GHFSDDSJHFKJADDSDSAAAAA you get me!?!! also im sorry i dropped this on you randomly feel free to ignore LMAAOOAOAO can i be 💫 anon? thank yew <3

(Adding 💫 to the anon list!!! Also fun fact that’s my favorite emoji of all time. Slay)

I feel like I’m the LAST person who should be giving advice abt this bc one of my mutuals and a very good friend of mine who I’d been talking to every day randomly blocked me on everything this week after me literally being there to console this person for every little thing and playing into this pretend homoerotic friendship we had even though she was clearly looking for another boyfriend and would get mad if I even called another girl pretty (???) I wish nothing but the absolute best for her but like…. The double standard is WILD. to not provide closure to a months-long friendship is just genuinely a very mean spirited thing to do imo.

(If she’s reading this, best of luck with everything and I hope you know I cared for you a lot more than you think I did. I distanced myself because you were clearly looking for someone to fill a void in your life that I could simply not fulfill, and I didn’t want to lead you on, nor be kept around like I wasn’t allowed to talk to other girls either. Regardless, I hope you know I used to sleep with my phone on full volume in case you called, and I deleted a page worth of poetry in my notes app for you I meant to deliver on your birthday. I also deleted your number so I have zero way of contacting you, but I will always be here if you need me. Take care and I love you always, I hope you still see me when you look up at the moon)

It’s not the first time I’ve lost an internet friend to the magical world of blocking, but fortunately the attitude I’ve developed towards it is that none of this is real!!! These are people on the internet miles away you’ve never met irl and they have no real impact in your life whether they remain following you or not. I’ve lost internet friends nearly a decade ago that I don’t even remember anymore. Better ones will come along!!! Especially stays! This fandom has so many beautiful remarkable people who are actually worth following and they wouldn’t cut you off like that. Sending so many positive vibes your way and I KNOW that the universe will send you some better mutuals. In the meanwhile I will be your internet bestie and I would never unfollow you for nsfw content or without some form of an explanation. And I also want to suck Felix’s dick. 🩷🫶

(I love you, don’t be so hard on yourself!!!! You’re wonderful, angel 🩷 anyone would be lucky to be moots with you)

[send-up-my-heart-to-you]

this is far overdue, so heres an introduction post

• you can call me queenie, im keeping my real name anonymous • muslim (feel free to ask any questions, idm, theres no stupid questions only misinformation) • minor • my birthday is march 20th, astrology is full of shit because i am the epitome of a gemini but apparently im a pisces ??? no • she/her • poc • intp (i know way too much about mbti and not enough about other forms of typology, like socionics, enneagram, etc) • self-diagnosed autistic • my special interests include writing (either original work or fanfics) and psychology • hobbies include hyperfixating, reading, writing, listening to music, and ranting to my friends about books ive recently read

on this blog pretty much all i do is talk about my fandoms, which may include:

• riordanverse • shadowhunters • the folk of the air • the ascendance series • heartstopper • anne with an e

(its mostly the first two tho)

and then the slew of anime i watch, which ill link here

my asks are also open in case youd like to request headcanons or fanfics, but obviously i cant do it if i dont know the fandom, so please if its anything anime/manga related, i cant guarantee that ill know it, so try to include the name in the ask

i also have a side blog @queenie-says-free-palestine. dont think i need to clarify what the posts are abt

uquiz masterlist (uquizzes i made):

• assigning you an ascendance series kin • choose something about me and ill decide if i like you or not • i assign you a percy jackson kin except the questions are stupid

more to come

kinlist here

my tags:

#queenie doesnt shut up #eka asks

dni if you are:

• zionist • ableist • sexist (that counts as misogyny OR supporting #killallmen) • racist • religiophobic (including antisemitism) • xenophobic • proshipper • sexualise minors (real OR fictional. idc if you age them up)

masterlist of my writing

i do have an ao3 account, which i will link here, but i only have like two works up on there as of april 2023

i also have a wattpad account, but its just the same fics as my ao3 account

also please follow the writing blog i made with my friendsss

tagging people who deserve some love:

irl: @itadori-yujiii - sister who is always on the receiving end of my rants @tinadablackthorn - other sister, sometimes forget she exists tbh @greenmanwiththesauce - asshole friend who exists solely to make me question my existence @velversess - my parabatai ily @1tomie1 - one of my irl friends who is literally me but not really @maybecordelia - cousin but also best friend also my fangirl buddy 🫶🫶 @ada-apolog1st - frenemy 😘😘

online (all of which are very cool people w amazing taste) @aliciasfantasyxox - online-friend-in-law we have not conversed but hello @moondust-on-the-hijabi - one of the first friends i made on here :D lovely lady lin rules over EVERYTHINGGG @that-multi-fandom-hijabi - ARAB MUSLIM AROACES UNITE !!!! @nerdy-girl3791 - showed up one day n i love seeing you around yes hello @sleepy-vix - someone who likes heartstopper, bsd, sk8, thats hot people shit right there @loife1m - LOLLIPOP :DD my love you are a breath of heaven walking upon this beautiful earth STAY STRONG BABES @someonewhogotanaccount - rambling twinsies whos basically a confused n optimistic me @heartstars - MY LITTLE SISTER I LOVE YOU SO SO MUCH @reyna-obsessed - my darling mini come lets be gremlins together @hijabi-desi-bookworm - STOP CALLING ME [redacted nickname] OR I SWEAR TO GOD ILL SMITE YOU (jk ily esme<33)

yea thats pretty much it, may update later idk

[florasletter]

i am gonna rant, tomorrow is the oscars, i need to say something ive been wanting to say for a while

any fucking filmmaker that makes drama/comedy (taika, gunn, greta, etc) movies would make barbie, its easy marketing, hoards of money, its a low risk investiment since its a popular, PG 13 movie, colorfull, appealing for everyone, has all the IP to make money, WB is thirsty for good press and is swimming on money, they will give its full support, its a story everyone knows for 60 years of a ficctional character or a doll the whole world knows. i like barbie it was a good movie. greta did a wonderful job for what was giver her. period.

now tell me

a book about a historical controversial figure, boring ass talks abt nuclear war, ww2, communism and cold war, phsysics stuff, relased in 2006 and won a pulitzer prize.

no director dared to make a movie abt it. very high risk, why?

the pandemic and its inflation and new habits of consumption post super hero (very saturated) cinema era in an era quick shitty streaming movies bc they dont need theatrical release, little effort, just pump movies out, no control wheater is good or not no one (as many would think) would want a 3 hour movie, with heavy dialogue (bc it needs it to tell the story properly) with many black and white scenes, Rated R, nudity and s3xual representation scenes about this historical controversial figure. tiktok and reels era, most people are obssessed with a 30 seconds videos in their hands, keeping a very bad habit of zero attention span and quick serotonin, unable to enjoy the development of a full story that is longer than 30 without a pop music playing on the background can't go around marketing the movie like its super fun and colorfull for the entire family ahah cool, lets make it a competition like ahaha BARBIEMHEIMER ahah so fun lol why dont they get into it too? it would help their marketing bc lol who wanna watcha 3 hour R rated movie abt a physicist lmao get real!!! No buddy, you wanna scrutinize what happened the people of japan? this guy was scrutinized by its own country after everything he was asked to do? no, you cant market it like that, its harder, but thankfully the ppl making the movie ARE THE MARKETING. also the ppl saying "who cares abt nuclear war lmao, it wont happen" guess who just did a speech abt it the other day abt using them?? i am not gonna say his name yall know who it is. now invest 100mi on a movie like this. didnt see all the others directors around rushing to make a movie abt oppenheimer like chris did, he thought it was very interesting and passionate abt it, he had a vision for it, to contextualize yall: he has been wanting to make something biographical for years (will we ever see his howard hugues movie? thanks martin for doing it first??? will chris ever recover from this? poor bby). and ffs this movie didnt even use that much computer VFX, so much amazing pratical effects it didnt even an oscar nom for it, any other director could have done with the computer technology from 10 years ago. buddy literally asked for black and white imax films, no one did this before. buddy dark knight came out 16 years ago, the first movie shot in imax, back then there was 4 or 3 cameras in the world and this idiot i love even managed to break one of them during the shooting (see the behind the scenes of dark knight its amazing and hilarious). what other filmmaker is going this far for a biography? they could have made this movie but

they didnt make it. period.

i am not here to say that this is better than every other movie, oppenheimer should be forever praised (it is not in my sincere opinion chris' best movie, neither my fav of his) but this is for the ppl whining abt barbie and putting oppenheimer against it.

the reels i saw the other day "greta could make oppeneimer, but nolan couldnt make barbie" HONEY... WHAT DO I DO WITH THIS INFO? IS THIS SUPPOSED TO ME HER LOOK GOOD ? you are not helping her at all... if she can make oppenheimer why didnt she make it before? is it bc it would be hard to pitch? it wouldnt be easy to make money from it or get funded? it would just be another oscar winning box office flop? bc lets be real, many amazing oscar movies i love, they were commercial flops, and its ok, BUT YOU SEE IT RIGHT?

marvels endgame was a huge commercial movie and a great box office, no one here is screaming the russos to get noms

"ah its a groundbreaking movie bc of feminism"

honey please there's more groundbreaking movies better than barbie, are you fucking kidding me. this is the stuff that makes me ashamed of saying i am a feminist.

also who cares abt margot, isnt it abt to be feminism or is it white feminism ? i wanna see support for lilly gladstone who did and insane work in KOTFM than emma stone in PT.

i am biased, i am his fan afterall, i have no hate for the others, but i am a realist. chris has been making movies for 20 years, groundbreaking breathtaking beautiful stuff, i am not here to throw the party like "visionary director" but i wanna put things on the table, he has been way past what the academy considers cinema, he has been snubbed for so long it became ridiculous. he has been doing an imppecable work of supporting filmmaking and the theater industry, supporting the craftsmanship of filmmaking the studios' inverstors and companies look down on just for profits. to end my rant now, the last thing i wanna say is: i don't care if yall say "ah just another cis het white man winning/being nominated" yes honey, it is.

if anything, this is the "cis het white man" who you just can't believe has not won yet. insane right? he has been snubbed by other cis het white males who would believe it right? lmao

now i am done.

we take in the sheets tomorrow evening. have a great saturday yall

[ggukiepie]

WOWOW. one of your girls is so yummy.

very excited for next part and to see your perspective and ideas.

but for me i think we’d need more angst rather then revenge. im assuming jk has lots of friends who he sleeps with and its not just yn. which means to him yn is nothing special (unfortunately) thats why i dont see the point of ‘revenge’ because realistically i dont think jk really cares if yn fucks with someone else which has been proved in already the first part. (jk knows yn sleeps with jimin yet doesnt seem to really care and only wants sex.) he only looked for her to sleep with her in the first place & not because he wanted to have a friendly conversation or check up on her. he started touching her before he knew about her sleeping with someone else.

its kinda the same with yn as yn also slept with jimin (which was so hot.) , except she seems to be interested in jungkook. but i dont think yn is really letting jk walk all over her because shes well aware that jk sleeps with other woman and she knows he lied to her yet choose to not speak up. although i love how she can control herself cause if i was in her place id try bring attention to myself and make jk jealous OR js go up to him and slap him especially when he said he ‘just’ left the party while he has a red stain on his shirt 🥸 but by the way she controlled herself and didnt even let jk know that she saw him with another woman, it seems like she knows her feelings wouldnt matter to him because its probably casual for him to be with another (multiple) woman each night.

AND FOR THAT REASONNN^^^ i think the song suits it smmm 😣😣 it fits so perfectly. ive been nonstop listening to the song before i read it and its the first story that im so interested in to write about my opinion. ANYWAYS BACK TO THE STORY.

so maybe shes okay with just simply being one of his girls because she knows she wouldnt be anything more & also she may not want to stop sleeping with him because thats the only way he can be close to her relationship wise.

which means yn is literally just one of his girls for some of his nights. I LOVE THAT SMSMSM. also everything here is simply my opinion and arguments as to why there should be more angst rather then revenge for atleast now until theres more development in their characters and we’d know more. althought idk how many parts ur willing to give in for this. BUT thats simply my perspective, if u think of the story differently and wanted to choose a different way for them thats cool too

i talk alot im gonna stfu now but i really like ur writing and ur idea for it was really cool. im waiting for the next part, take ur time and i hope everythings well for you. 😁

-soo ??

nooooo you're literally so so sweet. thank you so much for taking the time to send me this message. i love ur review !!

im glad u got to see how i related the song and the story. yeah, yn is a bit...not in the right head space 😭 atp she's already given up on the chance that maybe jk might like her back. ofc she can't help but feel sad bc she fell for him. ure right that she's content with being one of his girls, she'll take whatever jungkook gives her :( she didn't even have to ask jk if he slept w that girl bc she already knows 🤧

on jk finding out abt yn and jimin - jk did ask her if they're friends "like us?" i wonder what he meant 🤔

maybe i can write a short backstory of yn and jk hmmmm

[nat-of-personifs]

i dont normally send asks but i came across ur blog and you have some really cool ideas when it comes to personification stuff,, ur like one of the few other ppl ive found that actually includes polandball and countryhumans in personified fandom stuff so id love to hear ur ideas abt them!! as someone with a fascination with fandom history id be down to discuss stuff more with u if u wanna

uh *checks notes* I am going to assume you mean their dynamic/hcs about each!! I’ve never delved very deeply into Countryhumans fandom history/her dynamics with the others because. Controversy but I still do have lots of ideas about her. And she is *the* quintessential Canonless G(A) fandomspirit to me, probably because she’s the first one I was part of. You get into G(A) through Hetalia, Countryhumans, or Polandball mostly and they’re the faces of the whole place so,,, very well defined House triad here.

What I do say is CH is PB and Hetalia’s conceptual daughter (her premise is kind of both of theirs mashed together) but Hetalia and the other two are separated by the Canon-Canonless divide (and the fact that he has a husband) and thus don’t talk as much. (Which is funny because his two actual sons, Fandomstuck and Socialstuck, are both Canonless.) Also, he gets into Reality more often because he has more cosplayers. But their dynamic is more like older-younger sibling, they swing back and forth between working together well (sharing headcanons and Netizens) and actually beating each other up (raids). From what I’ve seen, and I’m mostly saying this from CH’s POV, he’s more likely to start it than she is.

Both of them are a little scared of each other, PB because he has a lot of overlap with her and is the closest to seeing inside of her brain (he’s read her writing before) and is uncomfortable around it, CH because she can never tell when PB is being sarcastic and when he actually means what he says. She usually assumes he’s being serious.

Also, fandomspirits don’t get as possessive of their people as much as OTJs do, which, considering the way they feed, is probably a good thing. So they don’t fight about who gets the food; they’re content, and CH even likes receiving less because it’s made her swings less severe.

I have no idea what’s going on with her right now because I can’t check her tag and no longer use Wattpad (her Wattpad room is way more active than her AO3 room from what I remember) for personal reasons, but is the Save the Countryhumans Fandom thing still happening?

Fun fact: she’s the second fandomspirit of Countryhumans. The first one was the Country Guardian, Nadia. She got thrown into temporary leave for killing another Guardian which she felt (feels) guilty about even with most of her memories wiped.

CH’s rooms in G(A) are vandalized to hell and back. She’s used to it.

What I meant about swings: she has periods of making shipping Whatever the Hell She Wants (btw in the personifverse G(A) is technically RPF) and then periods of feeling incredibly guilty about it.

Wikipedia, Britannica and JSTOR are her favorite places.

All of her spin-offs (Statehumans, Planethumans, social media humans (subordinate of Socialstuck in the twins’ journalism business)) live in her head but can manifest bodies at will. Planethumans is the most independent one.

She’s jealous of Centricide because they get to unironically ship Nazis and Communists without people yelling at them.

Actually she’s jealous of pretty much every other G(A) member.

Physically 14 because that’s what everyone sees her people as. Russian-Brazilian, I think? Russian definitely (VK). But no one knows exactly where she came from. Also Korean. Maybe. Everyone sees something different.

Oh!! Oh!! She’s thinking about sending ambassadors to Collab Horror (where SCP lives). I’m the result. I’ve been tasked with giving her another child :) I’m trying I know I don’t talk to her a lot anymore but I still love her

I know you came here half for PB but I don’t have many headcanons about him :( he is definitely the face G(A) would most like to show to the public, and really good at art (terrible at writing) except he can’t be bothered to try mostly. (I’ve been on some of his subreddits some of the pictures are pure eye candy)

I hope this doesn’t spark an argument because I don’t want this to be the third site I kick myself out of.

Sorry for taking a while to reply, I blame the Great Ira-Aaron Angstfest of 2023.

[br1ghtestlight]

i know you didn’t rb it, but i wanted to send you some fanfic writer asks anyway (if you want to do them!!) how about - 3, 4, 18, 19? 💖

AWWW this is so sweet thank you!! of course!!! <3

3. what’s your favorite fic that you’ve written?

i feel like it would be a lie to say anything other than my genderfluid gene fanfiction just bcuz i spent a ridiculous amount of time on it and still reread it somewhat frequently lol but other than that im also proud of the fanfiction i wrote abt bob's mom and her death :) very interesting themes to explore and i liked writing the childhood flashbacks

4. how many wips do you have right now?

there are so many i couldn't even count them all probably at least 30+ but for fanfictions im actively working on or TRYING to work on uhh maybe like 5 or 6 depends on the day. always starting new ideas

18. what’s one of your favorite lines you’ve written in a fic?

i definitely dont remember every line of dialogue ive ever written so i might be forgetting something but i really like linda talking to louise abt consent as a toddler ("Louise, I promise that we will NEVER try to steal your bunny ears, or tell you to take them off and not give them back to you afterwards. Not ever. We know that you love your bunny ears, and I made 'em special for you. Even if you're the baddest, meanest girl in the whole world, those bunny ears belong to you. They'll always be yours. Nobody is ever allowed to take them off without your permission, except for you. Not even Mommy or Daddy is allowed to do that.") and tina telling zeke that she'll always be there for him ("I'll be here for you no matter how scary it gets," Tina whispered.)

19. give us a small teaser from one of your wips

not sure if this counts as small but it doesn't make sense without the full context i dont think?? not even sure if im ever going to finish this one but its cute. it isnt from my tina x jimmy jr childhood friends to lovers fanfic btw this is just a silly sleepover fic i was writing

Jimmy Junior looked at Tina as she talked. She was wearing purple horse pajamas and he thought that they looked cool. "Do you want me to paint your nails?"

He had to have zoned out of their conversation, because he had no idea what was going on but Zeke was looking at Tina like everything she was saying made perfect sense. He had a goofy smile.

"Hell yeah! I want you use black for mine, and give 'em red and orange flames comin' off my fingers. That'll look cool as hell."

"What about you, Jimmy Junior?" Tina asked.

Tina was never cruel to him. She'd never teased him for his lisp or said that his dancing was stupid and annoying, even when they were fighting and she had every reason to be insulting to him. He wasn't always an amazing friend to her and he hadn't said enough how much he appreciated that she'd been there for him since preschool. They'd grown up together. Tina had been around when his younger brothers were born, and when his parents got their divorce finalized and he couldn't stop crying during school. They'd played together on the playground and shared their first kiss at her thirteenth birthday party, and through everything Jimmy Junior always knew that Tina loved him and had a good heart. Better than his.

He still couldn't help but pause for a second and try to figure out if she was trying to embarrass him or make a mockery of him somehow. Nobody had ever asked to paint his nails before, and he'd honestly considered makeup something that was completely forbidden. It was condemned only to his mother's bathroom cabinet and taken out when she was going on a date with somebody she wanted to impress. He wasn't ALLOWED to wear makeup.

[walking-fnaf-encyclopedia]

i have another au idea and i havent even drawn much for logical error and this ones so cool and D:

the gist is that its a swap au - gregory and cassie swap places. to what extent im not exactly sure (was she controlled in gregorys place, or were they simply in each others place at this one point in time?), but they do swap games, which is whats mostly important.

security breach - cassie

cassie does not use the animatronics to upgrade roxy (yeah shes with roxy fight me), but ive decided that its basically a twisted destiny thing - monty will always fall from the catwalks and break. chica will always lose her beak. roxy will always lose her eyes. freddy will always lose his head. they will ALWAYS wind up in the state they are in ruin, regardless of who does what.

and this is also going with the most popular theory/most likely canon that princess quest is canon in ruin. although i would absolutely plan to explain the other endings’ paths! but this is focusing on ruin and were just going to go with princess quest. (cassie working with roxy makes the ending go a little differently, but it doesnt change much, ultimately).

ruin - gregory

ruin, admittedly, is a lot easier, because it.. literally wouldnt change much. instead of being chased through fazerblast by freddy - who is now nice, if terrifying (and not a prototype in this) - the roxy section involves a chase scene. maybe with a glamrock foxy (or mangle?) they tried to reuse for the area post-roxys disappearrance? not sure yet!

freddy can talk to gregory through the fazwatch, which he gives to gregory in an attempt to not scare the hell out of him. who doesnt like a gift? ill be honest, i havent decided if gregory uses the vanni mask. if he does, i dont think itll affect his speaking, even if it does give him a fake head like it did with roxys casing. he doesnt have a voicebox after all.

the rest is pretty obvious. deactivate freddy (who you fortunately dont have to look in the eyes, god) to save “cassie”, end of ruin plays out much the same. freddys speech is different from roxys obv - he doesnt know gregory like how roxy knew cassie - but he is very nice and treats gregory with kindness, saying he shouldnt have to be alone here and other stuff. idk i havent thought that far lol. maybe he mentions cassies birthday party (its still her birthday in this au, which really pushed gregory to go find her), and how kind-hearted he was to cheer up a stranger on their birthday. idk im spitballing now.

also yes, cassies with vanessa post-3star in this.

and freddy can see just fine. i have an explanation for that but i cant promise it doesnt make him vaguely eldritch/biblical horror.

no au name for this yet oops </3 name ideas welcome and also asks about it! id love to flesh it out a bit or just discuss ideas!! i love talking abt fnaf!! :D

[bonesandthebees]

like, the brainrot for glass is really setting in. woweee. the Pythia, like mans definetly has unresolved trauma from being seen as not human, he doesnt even have a NAME?!??! my mans... im so so hyped for it i dont even have words to describe it.

Questions i have for assorted stuffs:

with Tommys rabbit mask, what made you choose a rabbit as opposed to animals ppl usually associate with him such as a raccoon, or a cow? /genq /pos

Clara, the goddess the Pythia worships, doesnt have a attachment that i can see to dsmp. is she an OC, or am i not getting it lmao. only thing i can think of is Captain Puffy, but she is "Cara" not "Clara" if this is later revealed dont worry abt answering it^^

Kristen/Deathling Goddess, i love that, in this fic, are she and Phil together? if this is spoilers btw dont tell me haha.

couple things im excited for:

it seems like Eret is gonna have a decently large role in glass, and im so here for it. from what ive seen, there is an inkling of my brain that tells me she is a Darkling, or at least in league with them.

prosthetics/cybernetics, i love fics with this sort of bit in them, it gives so much position to bring in canon to a realistic place, ie. phils wings, and erets eyes.

tommy genuinely doesnt want to hurt wilbur, and it makes me think that he knew wilbur before he became the Pythia, which connects to canon where they are brothers. 👀

-👑

aaaa so glad you're enjoying glass divine so far!!! I have so much brainrot for that world you don't even know

I mostly just wanted to associate tommy with an animal he's not normally associated with to give it a slightly more serious tone I suppose? and also I saw a pic of a really cool rabbit masquerade mask on pinterest and I was like yeah I want tommy to wear that LMAO

clara actually does have an attachment to the dsmp, albeit a very loose one. I believe it was during the exile streams, at one point c!tommy is kind of talking out loud to himself and mentions an astronaut named clara. it's a very small moment but that's why you might see the name clara pop up in different fics. I just wanted to use her as a kind of goddess of life/a foil to kristin, the goddess of death

uhhhh phil and kristin are kind of together?? she's literally a goddess in this and I haven't worked out exactly how they communicate, but phil does speak directly to her in prayers. he's essentially her head priest, and while she's had plenty of priests before, phil is the most recent one she's had in centuries, and he's also the only one who's been dedicated enough to establish a direct line of communication with her. so he's basically her special little guy :) they're not technically married, but phil considers himself married to kristin in kind of the same way nuns consider themselves married to god. except unlike nuns, phil is the only one who gets this privilege. everyone else are just normal followers of her

I LOVE cybernetic prosthetics in cyberpunk fics. I think they're so cool and there's so many different ways you can describe them. the aesthetic just slaps so hard so you'll see a lot of those in glass divine

no, tommy didn't know wilbur before he became the pythia. they're complete strangers to each other. tommy just doesn't want to hurt him because he's a nice person who doesn't want to hurt the guy he's kidnapping because he knows the situation is already stressful enough.

[cometmystic]

hey!! i dont think youve posted abt this yet so… tell me abt your fav characters!!! :D

im about to ramble and expose some weakpoints on the internet so heres a cut !!! im gonna talk about the three that are in the forefront of my mind at the moment !! maybe this will change if you ask me in a months time,,, maybe not !!! mwah thank you for sending me asks sweetie

lots of history with this girl; soo i found out about her during my first mugen phase ? so like 11-13ish,, there was a genre of character that was modeled to play like smash bros characters, and in looking those up, i found one of this weird woman... hong meiling was her name ? she was related to this weird frog girl whose hat was evil and maybe the mcdonalds song girl ? whatever the case i needed to download her. and i couldnt because the download was down. this sent me uo the wall for several years and implanted her name into my brain,, up until i got into touhou proper thanks to you actually !!

so now im learning about the lore and the characters, and turns out theres more to this meiling than being elusive and pretty !!! so this gloomy, scary place behind one of the touhou worlds most significant battles is guarded by this friendly, easygoing redhead ? and shes fiercely loyal and protective of the mansion as well as gensoukyou, despite being employed by people who almost ate the world right up ? thats so wonderful !! shes so cool !!! and she takes care of flowers, and canonically doesnt like dodging bullets and tries catching them instead, and no one has any idea of what she is...!!!! theres so much to her !!! but most of all, the absolute tragedy of some of her mansionmates getting boatloads of development and lore, while shes,, basically in the same place she started in ? even flan did ! but meiling still gets depicted as just lazying about, despite that trait of hers being in favour of working in the scarlet devil mansion, which people fear and dont visit ? or rather used to... so she should have evolved along with it,, so that sadness also makes me even more attached to her in a way !!

i know shes not the most mistreated character in touhou or anything, far from it since shes a th6 girl and those get Everything and everyone sick of them but... idk !! id love to see more of her shine someday ouo

heres some sprite art i made of her

this character is a whisper in the wind. this character is a shadow in the wall of a cave. this character is the tree that falls with no one to hear. this character isnt real. this character is one of my favourites

like shes drenched, positively oozing with lore and content, and its all so utterly relevant and unique that i cant possibly talk about any of it because i cant be bothered to spoiler tag this,, but like,, reading between the lines of the fiction and uncovering lil things about her and what shes like was the most fun ive had during my dngnrnpa phase, to the point that,, here she is still !! at the tippy top !! and because of things youre intimately familiar with russell, you probably know shes probably gonna stay !! im very sentimental like that

and it wasnt even just lore either, her design kind of instantly drew me to her back when i was part of the original animes speculation circle and,, wow suddenly my sonas attire seems a little um,, familiar doesnt it : ...i promise i had other inspiations for ir too óuo;

heres some pixel art i made of her

finally this girl !! much like is the theme here, some lore to my meeting this one !!! this one predates even meiling, since i think i was 9 or 10,, see there was a broadcast channel here called animax, and its responsible for a lot of my taste even nowadays,, from the name you can guess it broadcast all sorts of dubbed anime all day long, most of which i absolutely should not have been watching at that age, like hellsing and gantz oops... well there was this other one which until like 4 years ago i only had the faintest recollection of,, i think there were demons in it or something,, mostly i remember being infatuated by the blonde girl

well 2018 comes around and the memory of this lady shoots straight into my brain in the middle of a call with you russell, which you might remember ! i describe to you what it looks like and tell you that i think a guy kills her and she has him help kill bad guys or else hell kill him right back ? and you, through intense googling, eventually are able to tell me it was called lunar legend tsukihime. woag ! lore unlocked

i wiki crawl for a while out of curiosity and find out that she has a fighting game that kinda rules, and that everyone hates the anime and you should read the visual novel instead and,, hey were making a visual novel at some point huh russell ? maybe i should study up on this tsukihime thing,, apparently its pretty influential,, and

obviously arcueid is ridiculously charming and fun, and every second with her is a mildly exciting, mildly creepy (fun way) delight, and its hard not to absolutely love her for that alone !! but also like,, much like the love for meiling started like a new phase in my life, arcueid did the same thing, in a very wonderful way ? a phase where were both really into this thing and talking about it so often and making so many new ideas about it together,, were playing higurashi currently and it feels like an extension of this, of her, and like,, its so special

i love what meeting arcueid again after 10 years did for me

heres some pixel art i made of her

and if you stuck with me for this long, heres a lil gift !! a lil happy ending for 13 year old me i suppose !!!

i found her after all ouo

[kayla-2]

Ngl as someone who accidentally got interested in acotar a couple of weeks ago and recently made a sideblog to see whats going on this side of the hellsite, i am a bit thrown off by the things “anti-smj” and “anti-acotar” (or even excessive Pro stans) post abt. Like…. It blows my mind when people talk abt the character like they’re an actual individual with autonomy and not fictional beings written by a single person. Like 🤯🤪 why….? Someone deadass had a giant masterlist of all the things they think is wrong with acotar/characters each link contains long ass rants and threads… bestie why are u wasting ur time? If u hate it so much just read something else🤣 Honestly i could go on but i dont wanna waste ur time kdndkdnd i came here for silly interaction and fan content abt acotar but ive found very few blogs worth following so far so if u can rec me some blogs I’d be eternally grateful ❤️

😂😂 it’s a crazy fandom. This is mostly because of the new book and the way Sarah handled the events and characters. Some of them have been long time supporters of Sarah but became more “aware” of her problems because she wrote a character in a way they don’t like. Some of it is performative. I sometimes see them read book by “problematic” authors as well while calling out Sarah. I don’t think Sarah is perfect at all. Like no way. She makes crazy decisions. but some people are hypocritical. But the fandom still has people drawing art and making fanfics so it’s cool

[iagreewithlilithsrightsnwrongs]

ok so. in my college au, theres no supernatural elements, yes? so ive been thinking abt ava n how in the shadow her being paralysed, alone, an orphan with poor caregivers is an integral part of her character. and i dont know how to incorporate smth similar in this au.

i’ve read abt conversion disorder. you can google it n have a better understanding but basically “Conversion disorder is a mental condition in which a person has blindness, paralysis, or other nervous system (neurologic) symptoms that cannot be explained by medical evaluation.”

“conversion disorder happens as a way for your brain to deal with emotional stress. It’s almost always triggered by upsetting situations and other mental disorders.” and “It also happens more often to people who have a history of emotional stress or who have a hard time talking about their feelings.”

the most common symptom is “the loss of one or more bodily functions. Examples include: Weakness or paralysis. Loss of balance or difficulty walking.” also: movements that you can’t control, tunnel vision or blindness, loss of smell or speech, numbness. 

(this got long but this is useful for me n shit so yeah)

common signs: a debilitating symptom that begins suddenly, history of a psychological problem that gets better after the symptom appears, lack of concern that usually occurs with a severe symptom, they affect your movement or senses, and you can’t control them, hey can’t be explained by any other condition, medication, or behavior, they aren’t caused by another mental health problem, they cause stress in social and work settings.

“The physical symptoms are thought to be an attempt to resolve the conflict the person feels inside.”

here’s some examples (which i need a lot of cuz its kinda hard to understand all those medical terms n shit, from all the sites i’ve read on it): “For example, a woman who believes it is not acceptable to have violent feelings may suddenly feel numbness in her arms after becoming so angry that she wanted to hit someone. Instead of allowing herself to have violent thoughts about hitting someone, she experiences the physical symptom of numbness in her arms.” “For example, imagine taking a hard fall off your bike and then not being able to move your arm. But your arm isn’t injured. Neither is any other part of your body.Your body converted the emotional and psychological stress of your fall into the physical response of a paralyzed arm.” “Physical symptoms can sometimes help with an internal conflict. For example, if you’re struggling with the desire to hurt someone, conversion disorder may cause you to become paralyzed, making it impossible to act on that desire.”

now back to ava. it started to happen after the car accident that took her mom. because of how stressful it was, for weeks, ava was paralysed n doctors were confused cuz every test didnt show how the fuck that can happen. some episodes last days but sometimes its weeks, n they might be gone just as soon as they appeared. 

lil 7 year old ava was terrified n it just kept being amplified everytime she thought it was getting better. her mom was dead. the doctors told her her dad wasn’t coming to pick her up which shocked her cuz she thought he was dead (very awkward for the doctors). both parents only children so no help there, grandparents either dead or in care homes. 

then she gets send to the orphanage, all alone and confused since they were in Spain on vacation n now she doesnt understand anything. most workers n kids dont even speaking spanish since the orphanage specializes in misplaced children, so now shes learning english, n spanish, and she thinks shes still paralysed for weeks, months UNTIL. she makes a friend, a kid in another room who found out abt her n befriended her. 

and ava only starts feeling better when this friend, diego, who’s such a sweet boy, but so sick he’s not gonna live that much longer, and he knows it, says “jsut because you cant move doesnt mean ur not fun!! i think ur cool, ava silva.” n ava moves. its a miracle, diego is an angel, ava is saved n all the kids are ecstatic, ava is crying in pure relief but also confusion because what???

doctors label it as a freak accident n dont want to think much of it since what does it matter, ava is just a girl. but the childcare workers now label ava as the attention seeker n never trust her abt anything. some older kids do it too, but most of them are agaisnt the ladies there out of principle n spite. still, it sucked, n now ava cant trust any adult to save her life n cant even trust her own body to work how its supposed to.

as she gets older she both gets better and worse? she definitely knows when and how to calm down, n the episodes go away if the main source of stress gets resolved, except for any stress caused by ptsd, which ava definitely has from yknow the fucking accident n her moms death. she also, however, has a very yolo mentality, n will get in trouble n in stressful situations most of the time. she’s a menace to herself, n it normally results in one or more limbs to go numb or paralyzed. 

she was homeschooled tho, since it two maybe 2 years of her being bullied, picked on, critiqued, n having the overall stressful n horrible experience that is being a new kid in a new school after ur mom died, for the teachers to beg the childcare workers to keep her at home and safe so she stops showing all these upsetting symptoms. its freaking everyone out and it disrupts the class. so yh, ava was struggling.

when she turns 18 n ages out of the orphanage, she scrambles to find a job n a home n shit. father vincent, a local priest, helps her and shelters her. she shows her the beauty of religion n its practices n the glory of god, but ava is more fascinated by the art there. like sure shes seen movies n read things, but shes never stepped foot in a museum. in fact she didnt go out much just out of precaution n also cuz the ladies most of the time forbade her (if she got hurt they could come under fire n they didnt want that with her symptoms n their unpredictability)

vincent tries to teach ava all abt religion, meanwhile she’s studying the architecture, the paintings, the sculptures. vincent wanted a student, but he didnt have that in ava. so he decided to embrace that n help ava with this calling. its also vincent who tells ava to go to therapy n research abt her symptoms n possible disorder. ava does it more out of the fear vincent would get fed up with her not following his rules n getting kicked out for it. it actually helped tho, and she wont admit it to no one ever. 

i rly like this hc for this au, since it stays true to the character while remaining realistic to our universe n world n shit. HOWEVER. if anyone who has this disorder wants to criticize anything ive written, pls dm me, ask me, whatever. im open for constructive criticism always!! 

also this got long apologies

[just-some-random-blogger]

part 2 for meow love! 'so nada is dream’s first love' OH nice to learn abt her finally. 'dream we cant be together im sorry i was stupid pls let me go this is bad' cant really judge her. its probably scary to learn that smn youre connected with is... nothing normal and nothing you know about. and pity for dream... hope hell get some love. well this rock thing... is so desperate... feel so bad for her. and its kinds cute (bc oh <зhe doesnt care<з/sarc) but REALLY creepy of dream to still want her to be his queen when shed done THIS to get rid of him.. 'so they make love on top of the mountain' ok i have some questions for the author... well now you have all the right to only sympathise with him bc they said it doesnt matter hes been creepy. (dont take all my words seriously in the first meaning). 'THEN FUCKING BURNS NADA’S ENTIRE VILLAGE' 🤡🤡🤡 . idk whats going on. just remember that i dont know any of them and have no (0) feelings about the characters and the events. 'its cold hard reality the people have to suffer for their rulers’ mistakes' understand like nothing else... its kinda difficult to speak abt the other century bc i know what and why and morality was different but i want to say what i think now with me own experience but dont want to repeat that its only how i feel... they all are so fucked. 'CRYING FUCK then jumps of the cliff and dies' ghdjdd sorry but it sounds amusing to me. reasonable 100%. 'theyre dead youre dead just be with dream forgetting that guilt exists' yeah i thought about it too. like you can do nothing for them now? so what? so punish yourself for them? it has no meaning. BUT also dream? man chill down pls TT yeah she betrayed you, thats all, just hate her peacefully and have good fluffy dreams lol. 'of course i still love you BUT i stilll havent forgiven you' what sex on top of the mountain does to men.... as ever, i judge everyone. she couldve done better, he couldve done LOTS of different things. but ok. it is as it is. YEY FINALLY TALKING ABOUT JOSE RIZAL! this worldwife TT hdsddk actually reminded me of pushkin. good for them both. 'his work inspired the revolution and he did so with non violence so' sounds really cool. and hes so badass for his death. this cunning spain... wow its really good to learn about your history. and the KKK is pretty cool. i like this title. and this cute story about you being confused bc of the song TT such a pure feeling. wow its REALLY amazing to learn about his works. your retelling is delightful. thanks SO MUCH for your efforts, your time, your big brain vibes and everything you do to answer to me! youre SO educational! youre an amazing catmom! 'we love kdramas here in the ph and complain if there arent eng subs on their shows' fhdhsp cute. its soso intriguing to learn about the culture that in fact is a lot different from my own. so please continue! 'this is such a long love letter' i love it!! i cant answer to everything bc itd be even longer and im too gripped by all the information you give but i love long love letters! omg i.. i JUST UNDERSTOOD that i misplaced papak and flan FJSHFHJ. my inattentiveness will be the death of me im SORRY TT so ive already said you what is the thing similar to flan so what is similar to papak.. i meant the defenition, not the very word. theres a word 'кусочничать' (kusochnichat' ig) which is informal, actually, and literally means do smth with the pieces. in fact eating them... i already see how confused you were TT im sorry im silly. well majority of european languages derive from the proto-indo-european including english and spanish as well as slavic languages. and all the vagons come from proto-indo-european 'woghnos'. actually, our vagon came from the french. as far as i know, we didnt have much face to face contact with spain throughout the history. 'its normal to be anxious but you will overcome it' yeah i did! but i was so sleepy and dizzy and all bc of the things i was doing in the night... so ig part 3.... see you soon, love! have a nice.. time? yeah, enjoy your time. love you<з

HELLO <3

'so nada is dream’s first love' OH nice to learn abt her finally. 'dream we cant be together im sorry i was stupid pls let me go this is bad' cant really judge her. its probably scary to learn that smn youre connected with is... nothing normal and nothing you know about.

true T_T i dont blame nada at all she be a stupid mortal like the rest of us 😩 Icarus core flew too close to the sun

and pity for dream... hope hell get some love.

T_T yes and therapy

well this rock thing... is so desperate... feel so bad for her. and its kinds cute (bc oh <зhe doesnt care<з/sarc) but REALLY creepy of dream to still want her to be his queen when shed done THIS to get rid of him..

i mean HAHAHAH he's not human so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ what is morals to someone like him? what is injury or death to a flesh form to him ya feel. i get what you mean its kinda cut eHLSAHAHSF but he problematic af still HAHAHAH

'so they make love on top of the mountain' ok i have some questions for the author...

I MEAN THEY WERE ON TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN ALREADY COS SHE WAS RUNNING AWAY FROM HIM I THINK HAHHAHA I DONT REMEMBER HAHAAH

well now you have all the right to only sympathise with him bc they said it doesnt matter hes been creepy. (dont take all my words seriously in the first meaning).

AHAHHHAHHAHAH

'THEN FUCKING BURNS NADA’S ENTIRE VILLAGE' 🤡🤡🤡 . idk whats going on. just remember that i dont know any of them and have no (0) feelings about the characters and the events.

HAHHAHAHAHAHAH ITS FINE ITS JUST LIKE HAHAHAHAHAHAH ???? WHYYYYY>???????

'its cold hard reality the people have to suffer for their rulers’ mistakes' understand like nothing else... its kinda difficult to speak abt the other century bc i know what and why and morality was different but i want to say what i think now with me own experience but dont want to repeat that its only how i feel... they all are so fucked.

eat the rich and powerful

'CRYING FUCK then jumps of the cliff and dies' ghdjdd sorry but it sounds amusing to me. reasonable 100%.

NAH HAHAHH IT IS KIND OF FUNNY HAHAHAHAHAHA COS REAL HAHAHAHAH T_T

'theyre dead youre dead just be with dream forgetting that guilt exists' yeah i thought about it too. like you can do nothing for them now? so what? so punish yourself for them? it has no meaning.

see we be the same

BUT also dream? man chill down pls TT yeah she betrayed you, thats all, just hate her peacefully and have good fluffy dreams lol.

FACT but he be petty 😩

'of course i still love you BUT i stilll havent forgiven you' what sex on top of the mountain does to men.... as ever, i judge everyone. she couldve done better, he couldve done LOTS of different things. but ok. it is as it is.

HAHAHHAHAHHAHAAHHAAHAHAHHAHAAHAHAHAHAHHAAHHAAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA THIS IS SO FUNNY SEX ON TOP OF A MOUNTAIN DOES TO MEN AHHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHHAHAHAHAH ur so right #justicefornada and yeah dream with that one braincell coming through HAHAHAHAHAHAH

YEY FINALLY TALKING ABOUT JOSE RIZAL! this worldwife TT hdsddk actually reminded me of pushkin. good for them both.

HAHAHA OMG YOU GOT A MR WORLDWIFE TOO HAHAHHHAH

'his work inspired the revolution and he did so with non violence so' sounds really cool. and hes so badass for his death.

yeah bang bang 😞😩✊

this cunning spain... wow its really good to learn about your history.

<3 im glad you think so i find it so funny that you keep saying cunning spain HAHHAH IDK ITS KINDA CUTE HAHAHHAAH

and the KKK is pretty cool. i like this title.

THEYRE THE REALEST AND THE COOLEST 😫😫😫😫

and this cute story about you being confused bc of the song TT such a pure feeling.

T_T i was so confused for real

wow its REALLY amazing to learn about his works. your retelling is delightful. thanks SO MUCH for your efforts, your time, your big brain vibes and everything you do to answer to me! youre SO educational! youre an amazing catmom!

💗💗 I LOVE THAT FOR ME thank you my kitty kat muning <3

'we love kdramas here in the ph and complain if there arent eng subs on their shows' fhdhsp cute. its soso intriguing to learn about the culture that in fact is a lot different from my own. so please continue!

i love kdramas 😩 and yeah were pretty culturally different huh, besides the kwoa thing HAHAH

'this is such a long love letter' i love it!! i cant answer to everything bc itd be even longer and im too gripped by all the information you give but i love long love letters!

<3 <3 im glad you think so <3 <3 <3 im worried i might be telling you things you dont care about so this is reassuring <3

omg i.. i JUST UNDERSTOOD that i misplaced papak and flan FJSHFHJ. my inattentiveness will be the death of me im SORRY TT so ive already said you what is the thing similar to flan so what is similar to papak.. i meant the defenition, not the very word. theres a word 'кусочничать' (kusochnichat' ig) which is informal, actually, and literally means do smth with the pieces. in fact eating them... i already see how confused you were TT im sorry im silly.

no i know you meant the definition! its ok mistakes happen stop apologizing /: its fine. its cool to know you have a similar word <3

well majority of european languages derive from the proto-indo-european including english and spanish as well as slavic languages. and all the vagons come from proto-indo-european 'woghnos'. actually, our vagon came from the french. as far as i know, we didnt have much face to face contact with spain throughout the history.

wow my blown mind mind blown wow oh my HAHAHAHHA DAMN i got schooled love that for me purr 💅 as you should queen

'its normal to be anxious but you will overcome it' yeah i did! but i was so sleepy and dizzy and all bc of the things i was doing in the night...

YAY GOOD FOR YOU MY LOVE <3

so ig part 3.... see you soon, love! have a nice.. time? yeah, enjoy your time. love you<з

omg p3 wow slaYYY

xxx

[kalmeria]

heard it was autism acceptance and stuff so i wanted to talk abt something ive been thinking about.

tldr up front is that i just want to give some of the reasons why i support self diagnosis.

i am autistic and i am officially diagnosed with autism. but wasnt always! basically i never bothered anyone enough to slap that sticker on me and my family thought it was a baaad sticker so they just avoided it. when we watched rain man or extremely loud and incredibly close they would be like oh that person is like you and id be like no i do not have a tambourine. i did not know what “autism” meant and they were content with that. i was described as kind of autistic-like, but not the real thing dont worry.

and then i very very slowly learned about it. and thought about it a bunch. and then i was what they call self diagnosed. and then i decided that i wanted it to be official. i wanted to be able to talk about it without worrying that people wont believe me. (surely they will believe you if you have an official paper about it right? right.?) i wanted to confidently call myself #actuallyautistic

so after a lot of gentle convincing my mother (i needed her help for this) and a lot of waiting and a lot of paperwork i was really truly on a waiting list. and my mother, she refused to call me autistic at that point because it was not yet official. because i did not have my assessment. but heres the thing (and i kept telling her this): it’s not like having a blood test or something. it isn’t about finding out if you are truly for real actually autistic. people don’t go through all that just for fun. they are either sent there, or they choose to go there to get their piece of paper. it is about being assessed to see exactly what your issues are and what your needs are. and then getting some pieces of paper that will grant you the ability to access certain types of accommodations.

getting an official diagnosis does not suddenly magically turn you into an autistic person. it isn’t like oh i wasn’t autistic yesterday but i am today! no. it actually says right there on one of my pieces of paper: it is a condition that i had since birth and i will have for the rest of my life. it is a really cool and useful piece of paper, for me. but that is all it is. i existed before it existed. i was autistic before it said so.

i was very lucky to be able to decide for myself that getting officially diagnosed was a thing i wanted to do, and then to actually do it. because there are people who do not have that choice to be put in this category or not. because yes, it is a category and it very much has its downsides. and there are people who are not able to actually go and get that diagnosis even if they want it. because it is difficult to obtain, or even impossible, depending on your circumstances.

so basically my message is: just don’t mythologize the autism diagnosis. support people who are self diagnosed.