#i drew the first 3 with like a modern fantasy au thing in mind for some reason

[2129888]

committing yaoi crimes

[heroinejinx]

‘Sore subject?’ - Advices and Vices, part 6 of ? (CaitJinx Modern AU)

AO3 link.

Remember when I said things would get darker? Yeah, they sure did. 

Jinx & fancy parties do not mix. Neither do Jinx and most people. Love that for her lol enjoy the melodrama <3

Note: I’ve previously referred to Jinx taking Shimmer & Ketamine, but have now replaced Ketamine with a drug I’ve made up called ‘Fade.’ It has similar downer/opioid properties but is *not real* which gives me a bit more freedom to experiment with it. Hope the change isn’t too confusing!

TW: mature content, explicit drug use, description of a panic attack, suicidal ideation... all that fun stuff. 

(9,679 words)

Loaded on Shimmer, Jinx ambled down the street towards the party, her mind a web of questions and theories about the evening ahead. Would she see Caitlyn? Would Vi notice how high she was? Would there be cake?

If she knew Seraphine, there’d be a rainbow cake with sprinkles and strawberries. Mmmmm… Jinx imagined eating it as she skipped along.

Seraphine’s parents were Zaunites with new money. They’d made a name for themselves by owning a chain of factories, selling their wears across the bridge and throughout Runeterra, rubbing shoulders with the rich snobs of Piltover and corrupt wannabes of Zaun alike. Their so-called mansion looked out on the Pilt, about a mile upstream from Caitlyn’s place. The houses along that stretch of river were all built in the last decade, the only ‘fancy’ part of Zaun.  

Jinx had tolerated enough of Silco’s rants on the subject to know that the area was designed with the intent of extending Piltover’s influence across the bridge rather than bettering the undercity. She despised it; lost count of the dreams she’d had of burning it all to the ground. Every single house, including Caitlyn’s. Might’ve even lit the first match right on the entitled Piltie princess’ doorstep.  

For Seraphine’s parents to have bought into the fantasy showed several gross traits: they were gullible, spineless, greedy, delusional… the list went on and on. Their daughter wasn’t much better, but at least she knew how to slum it like a true Zaunite. Seraphine embraced where she came from. Sure, she was privileged and blind to the suffering and darkness that plagued Zaun’s depths, but she wasn’t cruel or arrogant about it. The bar was low.

Did Seraphine still party the way she used to? Jinx first met her years ago at a secret rave by the docks. Her long, bubble-gum pink hair flailed in the wind as she danced like a manic ballerina, and Jinx had to have her. Several shots and snorts of Shimmer later, they were all over each other in a blur of tongues and limbs and giggles.

Given her engagement to Vi, the ultimate Debbie Downer when it came to drugs, Seraphine’s fun days were probably behind her. Bummer.

Finally at the house, Jinx double checked she had the correct address. The place was huge. Much grander than she remembered. Not a mansion, but undoubtedly impressive.

She traipsed up the gravel drive, surrounded by fellow partygoers in their finery. Compared to their designer suits and gowns, her leather jacket, black skater dress, knee-high socks and gothic platform boots looked… well, kinda trashy.

Should’ve asked Vi about the dress code. But it was Vi, for fuck sake. Since when did her punk big sister give a shit about dress codes? Even Caitlyn didn’t care about things like that. Sure, the Kirammans did, but Caitlyn didn’t listen to them. Serrie and her pretentious parents must’ve really gotten under Vi’s skin.  

A lady Jinx didn’t recognise stood by the double-doored entrance, dressed in blue silk, champagne flute in one hand and scrawny cigarillo in the other. Her silver bob was coiffed and sexy, dark red lipstick flawlessly applied. As Jinx drew closer, she stared, both enamoured by the stranger’s beauty and feeling shitty about her lack thereof.

The woman caught Jinx’s eye, flickered a smug smile, and the spell was broken.

Okay, she was hot, but she didn’t have to be such a bitch about it. Rich snobs like that could never just be nice, could they?

Jinx flicked the woman a hostile glare and shoved past her to get inside, spilling champagne down the silk dress.

‘Excuse me!?’ The woman yelled after her. ‘This is couture!’

Jinx tossed her head over her shoulder and giggled at the outburst. Lingered long enough to see another woman rush over, making a fuss.

‘Oh my god, Evelynn! Are you alright?’

‘I’ll be fine,’ the woman, apparently called Evelynn, grunted.

‘What the hell is that girl’s problem?’

Oh, if only they knew.

Flipping them a playful little wave for good measure, Jinx properly entered the party.

Classical music serenaded her into the main room, like walking into a funeral. The decorations were modest, colour-coordinated, tasteful. Nothing like the crude banners and plastic bunting she was used to.

It gave her whiplash. Where was the keg, the beer pong, the buffet of beige carbs and neon candy, the red plastic cups filled with cheap booze? Why wasn’t she drowning in obnoxiously loud, heavy music, and that glorious ever-present smell of weed and body odour? Where was the fucking party!?

She wasn’t ready for this. She’d spent so much time obsessing over seeing Vi, and the vexing possibility of bumping into Caitlyn, that she’d forgotten to worry about the party itself.

People fenced her in from every direction. The Shimmer she’d taken before venturing out had waned enough to make her feel raw. A shockwave of overlapping voices hit her like a kick in the head. Hard enough to concave her skull. If she didn’t top up soon, she’d have to find a place to hide and curl into a ball. Maybe a nice closet upstairs, somewhere quiet. Out of the way.

‘Jinx!’

Seraphine’s flute-like voice knocked her out of her tailspin and into people mode. She smiled as a defence mechanism, while her ex gleefully bounded up to her and embraced her with a hug and a kiss to her cheek.

‘I’m so happy you came!’

Jinx wanted to ask why but kept it to herself. Seraphine was, of course, just being friendly. No need to scrutinise and dig out the truth. Not straight away, at least.

Seraphine pulled away to properly look at her guest. ‘Ugh, you look so pretty! That eyeliner!?’ She kissed her fingers to imitate a chef, ‘perfection!’

A beaming smile remained glued to her face, and Jinx matched it as best she could. It hurt her cheeks.

‘Heh, thanks,’ Jinx replied through a forced grin. ‘Didn’t get the memo about the dress code though. Whoops.’

‘Pfft, that’s okay!’ Seraphine waved her hand across her face to emphasise how okay it was. ‘It’s totally optional. You look great! Don’t worry about it!’

‘Okay…’

Jinx widened her grin even further. Might as well have split her face open. But she believed Seraphine’s hype; she did look great. Fuck it.

‘Where’s Vi?’

‘She’s in the kitchen,’ Seraphine replied. ‘I’ll take you; need to get you a drink!’

Seraphine linked her arm through Jinx’s jacket and marched onwards, but Jinx pulled back.

Nope, her racing heart cried out. Shimmer, stat.

‘I gotta pee first,’ she lied.

‘Oh, of course,’ Seraphine’s beam remained intact, oblivious to the deception. Naïve idiot. ‘D’you remember where the restroom is?’

‘Uh huh.’ She slipped out of Seraphine’s reach, melting into the crowd. ‘In a bit.’

***

Alone in the confined space, Jinx breathed in deep. The floral air freshener almost made her gag. She clutched the sink to ground herself. Didn’t dare look in the mirror. No time to let her nausea creep in or check her make-up and whisper self-loathing.

She fumbled around inside the breast pocket of her jacket. Baggies of Fade and Shimmer sat side by side, kept separate by the dollar bill she’d brought to snort them. She retrieved the Shimmer, saving the Fade for later.

With a steady hand and dry mouth, she tapped three rough lines onto the rim of the sink. It wasn’t a flat surface, but short of sniffing off of the damn toilet cistern, what choice did she have? She swiped her Jericho’s loyalty card from a different pocket and neatened the lines.

On some level, she must’ve known she’d start using like this again. Why else would she bring that card with her wherever she went? Something about its weight and thickness always produced the straightest lines. Her own brand of fucked-up safety blanket.

The pink powder glittered under the LED lights overhead. She didn’t dwell on how pretty it looked. Rolled up the dollar bill and took the first hit.

 ***

Three lines and however many minutes later, she left the restroom and made her way to the kitchen in an elated blur. Danced to the peppy violins of some vaguely familiar tune as she slipped through the rabble.  

The main room of the party branched out into a large dining area, separated from the kitchen by a broad, marble pillar. If what Seraphine said was true, Vi was right on the other side.

Jinx braced herself. Sure, they’d had a phone call the other day, but seeing her sister in person after so long was a different story. Harder to escape in person.

She bit the bullet and crept around the cold marble.

Vi stood behind an island countertop, kitted out in a suave burgundy suit and matching shirt, short cherry red hair smartly slicked back. Party mode.

Her face hadn’t changed a bit. No shred of make-up in sight. She didn’t even look older. She was just… Vi. Same big sis with the steely eyes, firm jaw and cheekbone tattoo that said she could do anything. And the scars on her bottom lip and left brow, reminders that even she wasn’t invincible.

She embraced Seraphine with that cocky grin of hers. Kissed the top of her head. Bubble-gum pink and cherry red; cute combination. They looked good together, like a team. Who’d have thought?

Jinx smiled to herself, giddy and bursting with nervous energy. She almost skipped forth to join them, but they had company.

Tall, beautiful company…

Soft, strong hands rested on the countertop across from Vi, adorned with several silver rings and an expensive-looking watch. Midnight blue, poker-straight hair pulled up in a neat, high ponytail exposed a slender, alabaster neck and silver filigree earrings. A killer dark mauve dress hugged her body like a second skin, making her boobs look like the best fucking boobs imaginable.

Jinx would’ve known that profile anywhere. Those hands alone. Long, supple fingers. All the things they could do. Places they could reach.

Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.

All thought of reuniting with Vi abandoned her. Her knees almost buckled. Gut plummeted. She needed to get out of there. ASAP.

They hadn’t noticed her yet. A few steps back behind the pillar and she could’ve disappeared into the rest of the party without a fuss. But something compelled her to stay.

Conversation flowed between Caitlyn and Vi like water. The natural back-and-forth of two people who really knew each other. Seraphine’s interjections trickled in where they could, but she didn’t say much. The longer she listened, the more bored she looked.

What were they talking about?  

A fourth, unknown voice chimed in, swimming against their current. The tension of debate tinged the air, but over the din of the party, Jinx could only identify tones, not words.

She inched closer to the sound, picked out a few phrases. Politics was on the menu; no wonder Seraphine had disengaged.

The mystery voice mentioned something about the history of the bridge, how it divided people, how the council tried to undo the damage but struggled to enforce real change. Vi scoffed out something about enforcers being glorified attack dogs who encouraged the council’s prejudices.

Jinx agreed with her sister.

Caitlyn pushed her tongue against her bottom lip in silent protest but didn’t argue back. The whole enforcer thing was one of the many issues that polluted the reservoir during her marriage to Vi. Must’ve hurt to discuss it casually like that.

Jinx subconsciously lurched towards Caitlyn but stopped herself before getting too close. Stupid feet, thinking on their own.

More of the kitchen came into view, as did the owner of the fourth voice. Mel Medarda. Hard to forget the face of Piltover’s youngest and best-looking councillor. Her posters were all over Zaun, graffitied to shit. Some by Jinx’s own hand. Ha!

Propped against the inner wall, next to Caitlyn, the Noxian prodigy nursed a glass of white wine. She was ethereally gorgeous, even more so in person, face not sprayed across and spoiled. Her understated style oozed old money and class. Made that bitch Evelynn’s whole schtick look tacky.

What did that make Jinx, by comparison? Sump scum. Trencher trash. Not worth a cent.

Envy swarmed and multiplied like wasps preparing to defend the hive. Buzzed around her as she spied.

Medarda slid a manicured hand down Caitlyn’s arm and onto the small of her back. Too intimate for comfort. Her black and gold nail polish was perfect, unspoiled by any kind of frequent use of her hands. The only similarity with Jinx’s own bitten and chipped nails was the length: short.

For a woman with Medarda’s glamour to have nails that length meant one thing. Jinx envisioned those immaculate fingers gliding along Caitlyn’s smooth skin, in and out of her cunt. No doubt Medarda played the role of loyal, supportive girlfriend better than Jinx ever could.

The wasps became hornets, beastly and vicious.

It made sense, of course. Caitlyn had her fun chasing Zaunites over the years, and now she’d moved on to the type of woman befitting her station. The type of woman her mother would’ve adored and fawned over. Cassandra Kiramman never warmed to Vi, but Medarda…?  

Jinx scowled at the two of them. Heat prickled her skin. Disgust tugged her lip upwards in a snarl.

How dare they stand there like that, flaunting their relationship at Vi’s engagement party? What the fuck!? Why were Vi and Seraphine acting so okay with it?

Arms crossed and brows knotted, Jinx announced herself with a laugh of pure spite.

The silly political dispute stopped dead and all four of them looked towards the sound. The social smile Caitlyn wore in conversation dropped in an instant. Vi’s eyes lit up with a grin. Seraphine rested her head on Vi’s shoulder and tossed Jinx a small wave, none the wiser but no longer bored, while Medarda’s unnervingly pretty face frowned in confusion.

‘What’s this, the lesbian convention?’ Jinx sniped.

‘I’m sorry, who are you?’ Medarda cut to the bone with a voice as smooth as honey.

‘Jinx…’ Vi’s eyes dulled with disappointment, already done with her shit.

Didn’t take long for big sis to turn on her, did it? Some things never changed. Jinx gritted her teeth.

Caitlyn stared; face unreadable. What was on her mind?

‘Are you okay?’ Seraphine asked. ‘You took a while… Do you still want that drink?’

A while? How long did she spend in the restroom? Ten minutes? Twenty? Longer?

Were any of them close enough to see Shimmer’s tell-tale pink glow orbiting her blown-out pupils? Would they care?

She darted her gaze between them, met with judgement and icky concern. And worse, Caitlyn’s complete lack of expression.

Did Jinx’s presence mean nothing to her?

Too far up Medarda’s ass to notice.

‘Wait… Jinx?’ Medarda turned to Vi, brow raised in question. ‘As in Powder, your sister? The one who—’

‘Jinx as in Jinx,’ Caitlyn sternly interjected.

What? What was that?

In some small, poignant way, Caitlyn had stuck up for her. Why would she do that?

Caitlyn shifted away from Medarda’s touch and looked directly, unflinchingly, at Jinx.

It took a nano-second for Jinx to blink away.

Too long. The contact stung.

‘Whatever,’ she huffed and barged past them.

‘Jinx!’ Vi called after her. ‘Wait!’

She ignored her sister’s plea and moved faster, beyond the kitchen. Snatched someone’s drink as she made a beeline for the sliding doors leading out to the veranda and the garden.

A gentle summer breeze greeted her. Bliss. So much better than the stifling air inside. Ignoring the cluster of people near the door, she downed the sweet remnants of mimosa from the stolen glass. Lit a cigarette and descended the veranda’s wooden steps onto the overgrown path beneath.

Like everything about that stupid place, the garden was bigger than she remembered. Perhaps they’d extended it? And didn’t they used to have a pool? They must’ve redesigned.

Haphazard shoots of grass jutted out of the stone, softened the tread of her boots as she strolled along. A bird of prey flew overhead, momentarily eclipsing the sun with its wingspan. Down on the ground, the path became a small set of steps, then path again, as she followed it out towards a hedgerow. Hues of pink shone in the distance, but she couldn’t tell where they came from.

‘Jinx…?’ Came a curious male voice.

She turned towards it, but once she saw who the voice belonged to, nearly turned back around. Jayce Talis, dressed in all white, sauntered up to her.

‘Jayce.’

She twisted her grimace into a grin. Stared at him a few seconds too long. Was it the Shimmer, or were his eyebrows freakishly huge?

‘Have you always looked like this?’ She poked his cheek, investigating.

‘Uh…’ He smiled tightly and stepped back, out of poking distance. ‘I guess it’s been a while. I’m surprised to see you.’

‘Snap,’ she said. ‘Aren’t you s’posed to be Cait’s bestie? Whatcha doing here?’

‘Actually, Vi and I grew pretty close over the years,’ he said. ‘Cait’s here too, though… somewhere.’

And didn’t she fucking know it.

Before she could interrogate Jayce on how he’d convinced Vi to be his friend, another man cosied up next to him and handed him a glass of red wine.

‘Ah, Viktor!’ Jayce exclaimed, glad for the extra company. Somebody, save him from the weirdo! ‘You’ve met Jinx, right? Vi’s little sister.’

‘Less of the little,’ Jinx frowned. ‘Condescending dick.’

Jayce snickered at her hushed insult. She hadn’t meant to be funny; he really was the worst. Why the fuck was Caitlyn friends with him? Childhood nostalgia, familial obligation, charity, what?

‘Hmm,’ Viktor studied her in thought. ‘I don’t think I’ve had the pleasure, no.’ Balancing on an awesome set of customised black and silver crutches, he held out a bony hand.

She shook it with aplomb. Studied the veins bulging beneath his skin, mottled purple and blue from the repetitive strain of his disability.

What caused it? Had he been like that his whole life, or was it recent?

‘Why the crutches?’ She blurted out. Damn shimmer. ‘Sorry. That question was meant to stay in my head.’

‘Oh, heh, no need to apologise.’ He took her rudeness in his stride. Good sign. ‘I’ve, uh… I’ve been sick for a long time… I won’t bore you with the details.’

Bore her? He fascinated her. But she could take a hint.

‘Sore subject?’

‘Something like that.’

‘Hmm.’

Tilting her head, she studied the peculiar man before her. His accent was tricky to describe. It reminded her of someone… someone she didn’t want to remember. Kinda creepy. His hair was floppy and dark, skin sickly pale, eyes sharp and sparkling with intelligence. He wore a suit, but not the typical Piltie garb. Rather than a refined tailored piece, like Jayce’s, his was mismatched tweed, relaxed from years of wear. Tweed, in the summer? If he turned around, she bet she’d find patches sewn on at the elbows where the fabric had thinned and torn. She couldn’t tell if he'd owned it for years or if it was second-hand, bought on the fly for the party. She liked that she couldn’t tell.

This dude seemed way too cool and way too much of an oddball to hang around with a dorky poser like Jayce.

‘How d’you two know each other?’ She asked, genuinely curious.

‘Viktor’s my partner,’ Jayce said with pride.

‘In business, and in life,’ Viktor added.

‘Ohhhhh.’

Jayce was gay? Finally, something she could respect him for.

‘So, you and Jayce do the science together, huh?’ She wiggled her brows suggestively.

‘Something like that,’ Viktor said. He hunched over as he spoke, shying away from scrutiny by making himself smaller.

‘Parties aren’t yer thing,’ she observed.

Viktor winced and shook his head.

‘Don’t sweat it.’ She flashed what she hoped was a reassuring wink. ‘I don’t think parties like this are anyone’s thing. Nobody cool, anyway.’

‘Oh, I don’t know,’ Jayce said, oblivious. ‘This is a pretty swell turnout.’

Viktor cringed with quiet embarrassment for his partner, and Jinx giggled.

‘Pretty swell?’ She mimicked. ‘Dude, are you sixty?’

‘What?’ Jayce looked to Viktor for support. ‘People still say swell, right? Young people…?’

Viktor shrugged, helpless to stop Jayce from digging his hole. A small smirk brightened his wan face and made his eyes twinkle even brighter.

Ah, if only he wasn’t gay and didn’t have terrible taste in men… they could’ve had fun together. But Jayce and his assholery stifled Viktor’s allure. Boring.

She bowed out of their chat and meandered further down the garden.

Where the path ended, bordered by hedgerow, stood a stone archway laced with creeping ivy and purple clematis. She crossed its threshold into a pristinely mowed stretch of grass. A cherry blossom tree grew at its centre. The pink hues. Beautiful.

Leaning against the rough stone, she slumped down until her bum hit damp grass with a light plonk. After another, much-needed Shimmer boost, she gazed up at the cherry blossom as it swayed and danced. Pinks and reds and whites swirled with the harsh yellow of the afternoon sun and the crisp blue of the sky.

Zooming in like a camera, she tried to focus on one blossom at a time. She’d return to the party, as soon as she’d captured and counted every tiny blossom in sight.

‘Hey, have you guys seen Jinx?’

God fucking dammit, Vi.

‘Down there,’ Jayce said.

In typical Vi fashion, she steamed ahead to find her sister, not stopping to wonder if said sister actually wanted to be found. The thud of footsteps grew louder and louder, then stopped altogether. A shadow loomed.

With a frustrated groan, Jinx took a long drag of her cigarette.

Here goes nothing.

‘Hey, sis,’ Jinx drawled and glanced up at Vi. Held out her cigarette as a token of good will.

‘Uh huh.’

Okay, Vi was angry. Understandable. Still took the olive branch, though.

She scratched at her temple. Sank one tattooed hand into the pocket of her tailored trousers, while the other brought the cigarette to her lips and held it there. She inhaled. Stepped in front of Jinx, blocking her view of the tree. Exhaled a plume of dark grey smoke.

‘Thanks.’ Vi handed the little death stick back to its owner. ‘I needed that.’

Jinx’s fingers grazed her sister’s calloused knuckles. She took another drag.

Vi hovered, watching over her. Discomfort lodged in her spine and made her shiver.

Breathing nicotine felt like air. Like nothing. She wanted more Shimmer but if Vi ever saw her using again…

Her collection of well-tuned defence mechanisms battled for dominance. Which would the wheel of her brain land on? Avoidance? Aggression? A sycophantic need for acceptance? All to play for.

‘Look at you in that suit,’ she praised. Okay, so, sycophantic need for acceptance. ‘Lil Serrie’s gotcha looking sharp.’

‘Lil Serrie?’ Vi shook her head and scoffed. ‘Would it kill you to say something nice?’

‘…didn’t I just pay you a compliment?’ Uh-oh. Aggression, standing by.

‘Yeah, at my fiancée’s expense.’ Vi paced on the spot. Flecks of soil and grass flew into Jinx’s lap.

She let the dirt sit there. She deserved it. Bury her alive and she wouldn’t have fought.

‘Come on,’ Vi urged. ‘This is an engagement party. Can’t you be happy for me?’

‘Happy for you?’ Jinx didn’t understand. ‘Because you found someone else to cling to?’

‘You don’t have to word it like that.’

‘Alright.’ She searched for something else to say. Something honest. ‘I don’t feel happy for you.’ Stubby cigarette between her lips, she breathed deep for the last hit. Relished in the heat of the smoke in her lungs and at the back of her throat. ‘I don’t feel anything, one way or the other.’ She exhaled hard and tossed the butt to the grass. Stomped it out with her boot. ‘Better?’

Vi snorted. Maybe Jinx’s answer wasn’t good enough, but it was the truth.

‘All I know about your relationship with Seraphine is that she somehow convinced you to wear a suit today,’ Jinx elaborated. ‘You look cute together, sure, but so did you and the C-word, so… doesn’t mean much.’

Vi flinched at the reference to Caitlyn. ‘What was that back there?’ She asked, tonguing her cheek in frustration. ‘That fucking stunt you pulled. What was that?’

‘What stunt?’

‘Is it because Caitlyn’s here?’ Vi demanded. ‘You don’t have to be around her if you don’t want. I told you that. It’s a big house. You could’ve just walked away.’

‘…isn’t that what I did?’

‘Sure, yeah, in the rudest way possible.’ Vi’s pacing increased; fists clenched in the bowels of her pockets. ‘Cait stuck up for you back there. And not for the first time, by the way. But you still treated her like the goddamn plague.’

Not for the first time? ‘What d’you mean?’

‘I mean you treat her like garbage, even when she’s the only person sticking up for you!’ Vi said. Yelled, actually. ‘Caitlyn correcting someone on your name at a party is a drop in the fucking ocean. She’s had your back more often than you know… mostly against me.’ Her expression fractured with shame.

Okay, too much. Stop. Stop talking about Caitlyn. Please stop.

‘You don’t get on as people?’ Vi persisted. ‘Fine. But she’s always respected you, and you’ve never done her the same courtesy. Even now. You can’t stomach being in the same room as her. Just had to make it a big deal and storm off, didn’t you!?’

‘Sheesh!’ A low chuckle rattled through Jinx’s ribcage. ‘Guess I’m the villain here, huh?’ Her aggression put on its marching boots, and out into battle it went. ‘And then there’s you: Vi, the White Knight… Defending Caitlyn’s honour like that, anyone’d think you were still married.’

‘Jinx,’ Vi warned, puppy dog face ready to bite. ‘Don’t.’

‘Don’t what?’

Unleashing a wide grin that didn’t reach her eyes, she stared up at her sister. A challenge. If Vi dared to stare back, Jinx would see her sister’s conflicting tenderness for Caitlyn and the love she’d lost. The love Seraphine, with all her sweet smiles and naïve sentiments, could never replace. In turn, Vi would see Jinx’s Shimmer eyes. The failure they held.

Vi looked away. Challenge lost.

‘I’m only pointing out the facts,’ Jinx said. ‘Seraphine was in that kitchen, just like Caitlyn, yet whose defence did White Knight Vi instantly jump to?’

‘Jinx.’ Vi said her name like a broken prayer. ‘Stop.’

‘Not your precious fiancée’s,’ she pouted. ‘Nope. You’re still stuck on Caitlyn… Caitlyn, Caitlyn, Caitlyn.’

‘Stop!’

‘Why? Because I’m right?’

‘No. You’re wrong.’

‘Whatever you say, sis.’

She leaned back, gazed up at the cherry blossoms. They framed Vi’s head like a halo. Like her sister was an angel.

Angel. Caitlyn called Jinx that. Like she didn’t know her at all. Jinx was so fucking far from angelic. And she could prove it.

‘Did you know there used to be a pool out here?’ A cruel delight bubbled at the back of her throat. ‘Pretty sure your Serrie first went down on me by that pool…’ She narrowed her eyes at the pained frown creasing Vi’s face. ‘What a memory, huh?’

A lie. She remembered no such thing, just wanted to see Vi’s reaction when she said it. You know. Because she was such an angel.

With sombre eyes and a clenched jaw, brewing with fury, Vi looked Jinx dead on.

‘Are you…’ Vi glared. ‘Are you high right now?’

And there it was, that all-important question, at long fucking last.

No point denying it. Someone needed to see. Someone who might’ve tried to stop her. Shame it had to be Vi. But Vi was her big sister. She cared… right?

Maybe, if she told Vi how she felt, how she’d spiralled in the past months, Vi could help her get back on track? She’d force her to go cold turkey on the drugs and drag her back to Heimerdinger, and everything would be okay. Sure, it wouldn’t be easy, but she wanted to get better. Vi could help her get better, couldn’t she?

‘Guess the cat’s out of the bag.’ Jinx played it careless, but Vi would see. Vi would see her act, and she would know, and she would help. ‘Did you really think I’d survive this party sober?’  

‘Wow, I, I can’t…’ Vi’s tone flatlined, icy and detached. ‘I can’t believe this.’

Her nostrils flared in anguish. Hands flew to her head, clawed at her hair, messed it up, nearly ripped it out. Typical Vi meltdown. The only thing missing was violence. Vi liked to break stuff. Plates, chairs, noses. Whatever her fists found first.

‘I can’t put up with that shit again.’ Vi’s voice shrivelled into hopelessness, gearing towards an explosion. ‘I can’t… I can’t.’

Jinx brought her knees to her chest and cradled herself.

‘It’s not gonna be like before,’ she tried to argue. A pathetic, futile sentiment. ‘Things’re… weird for me… right now.’ Her voice sounded brittle, like she had a chest infection. ‘I… I need help…’

‘Save it. I don’t wanna hear it.’ Vi lowered her hands to her sides and half-snickered with scorn. ‘It’s always the same with you.’

Before Jinx could utter another word, Vi left. Off to find a good place to sulk and work off her temper.

Jinx cackled at the sight. Vi, twenty-nine going on twelve, brooding at her own damn party. Abandoning her troubled little sister for the umpteenth time. Vander would’ve been so proud. What a fighter. Ha! The more jarring and upsetting the moment became, the more erratic Jinx’s giggling fit. Tears flew down her cheeks as she belted out furious, broken rasps of twisted glee.

Time to go home. Avoidance. The only real choice all along. There was nothing left for her there but more of the same bullshit. Never should’ve gone in the first place.

She tore up the path, scanning the green for an easier exit. A high fence surrounded the garden, blocking it off form the street out front. The only way out was through. Fuck.

She leapt onto the veranda, skipping the steps. Her legs itched with adrenaline. Cheeks flared hot. Braids whipped at her back.

The revellers inside chuckled and drank and slow-danced like everything was fine. Like there wasn’t a tornado ripping its way through them.

She pinched another drink. Something dark and carbonated left idle by the buffet table, next to a bowl of cheese puffs. Cheese puffs at a stuck-up event like that? Vi had some sway, after all. She grabbed a handful. Stuffed them into her mouth and downed the drink. Wood smoke and syrupy soda flooded her tongue. Whisky and coke. Not her favourite, but it did the trick. Satiated, she carried on through the throng.

The room seemed smaller. Packed to the gills. Were there more people or was she more out of it? Her breaths came quick and tight. Couldn’t inhale enough air to make a difference. Stumbling through the fog of faces and bodies, she clutched at her chest.

Shimmer. She needed Shimmer. But she couldn’t focus. Couldn’t escape. Couldn’t remember where the exit was.

‘Jinx?’ Ekko. Where had he come from? ‘Jinx? Hey. Look at me.’

She did as he asked. Focused on the walnut brown of his eyes. The shock of peroxide in his brows and locs. The warmth of his face, the kindness held there.

Boy Saviour to the rescue, like old times.

She glanced down at the rest of him. Huh. He hadn’t worn a suit. Classic Ekko. His oversized t-shirt and jeans with chains hanging off them stood out just as much as she did. Thank fuck. He felt like home. Like the real Zaun. She leaned into him, letting him support most of her weight.

‘I’ve got you,’ he said. ‘You’re having a panic attack, but you’re going to be okay.’

He lay his hands flat on her shoulders. Him and his grounding techniques. Her own, shaking hands found his forearms and squeezed. Muscle and bone held firm beneath her grip.

‘Try to steady your breathing. In… out. In… out.’

The party dissolved into background static as she tried to follow his lead. In through her nose, out through her mouth. Always took a while to work. Rapid breaths and tears were all she had.

Her nails dug into his arm. Must’ve hurt, but he didn’t let it show.

After a shuddery start, her breathing levelled out a bit.

‘Good,’ he said. ‘You’re doing good.’

She kept on. Measured breaths.

He guided her away from the crowd, into an empty chair. Her clunky boots poked off the edge of the seat as her body constricted around itself like a snake.

‘What happened?’ He asked, crouching to her line of sight.

Too soon. She shook her head. Couldn’t talk. Buried her face in her knees.

‘Okay,’ he said. ‘It’s gonna be okay, Jinx. Breathe… I’ve got you.’

‘Is she alright?’ A soft voice from the fray whispered. Or was it a yell?

Jinx couldn’t decipher. Probably some nosy randomer. Didn’t matter.

Breathe.

‘She will be,’ Ekko told the voice. Sounded like he knew them.

‘What’s wrong with her?’

Why did everyone always ask that?

Wait, that voice was different. Slick. Like honey.

‘Jinx?’ The first voice spoke louder. Closer to her.

‘She’ll be fine, Cait.’

Caitlyn?

Her heart rate doubled. She slapped her hands over her ears.

Not her. Not now. No, no, no, no, no, no, no—

‘Don’t crowd her,’ Ekko said. ‘She needs time… You’re here with someone?’

‘Mel Medarda, Caitlyn’s plus-one.’ Searing syrup dripped like lava into Jinx’s ears. ‘And you are?’

‘A friend of Vi’s.’ Ekko spoke with tight-fisted reservation. Animosity simmered.

Him and the upper-crust didn’t mix. He only stomached Caitlyn because of Vi, and even then, they’d had their fair share of disagreements.

‘Plus-one, huh?’

‘Platonically, of course.’ // ‘We’re just friends.’

Caitlyn and Medarda spoke in unison, spinning their little lies. They could deny it all they wanted, but Jinx knew what she saw in that kitchen. Where Medarda’s hands freely roamed. Friends didn’t touch like that.

‘Okay, well, whoever you are, you should go. I’ve got this.’

‘Ekko—’

‘Cait, I’ve got this.’ His voice raised an octave. Resolute. Protective. ‘Enjoy the party.’

‘He’s right,’ Medarda said. ‘She’s in good hands. Come on.’

A beat passed. Then another.

‘Come on, Cait.’

‘No. No, I’m staying.’ Caitlyn really was stubborn, huh? ‘Mel, go and find Jayce and Viktor. Tell them I’ve gone home early. Shouldn’t be too hard to convince them.’

‘…what?’

‘Please.’

‘Cait—’

‘Just do it,’ Caitlyn insisted. ‘I’ll make it up to you. Lunch, or something.’

‘You’d better.’

Heels clicked away into the distant din. Only Caitlyn and Ekko left.

Why didn’t Caitlyn leave with Mel? What kept her there?

‘Let’s go.’ The words came fast and sweet.

Go? Go where? With her!?

‘What?’ Ekko asked, equally confused.

‘My house is a few minutes down the road,’ Caitlyn explained.

No, no, no.

‘It’s quiet there. No people, no stimulation.’

Oh.

‘I won’t bother her. She’ll be able to relax, be alone.’

Shimmer! Maybe even Fade and a long nap? Oh, the possibilities!

‘If she feels better later, she can easily come back here to see Vi… if she wants.’

Nope. Never again, thanks.

Ekko sighed. Loud. Unimpressed.

‘It makes more sense than taking her all the way back to The Lanes, that’s all,’ Caitlyn reasoned. ‘I’ll look after her, Ekko. You’re the one who needs to stay; you’re best man.’

Oh, sure. Caitlyn was so practical and thoughtful. Nothing in it for her. Nothing she might’ve wanted from Jinx, just the two of them in that big gross house of hers.

Did she still want her after last time? How desperate was she?

Whatever. Didn’t matter. None of it mattered. Not even Vi.

In fact, Vi topped the goddamn list of things that didn’t matter.

Was there a prize for being the worst fucking sister in the world? Was there some competition Jinx didn’t know about? How many times did Vi plan on letting her down and bailing when she needed her most? They’d hummed along to that tune for way too long. Decades. It was a fucking hobby at that point. Recreational abandonment. Drilled into her brain.

Vi left. Vi always left. Jinx thought for once she might’ve stayed. Might’ve tried. Might’ve helped. But no. Of course not. That wasn’t their song. Their song was Vi leaving.

Why did Jinx always let her go?

Sing a different song, Jinx. Sing a different song. Without Vi. Just Jinx. Alone. Carefree. High as a cloud.

As long as Jinx could get good and high once they’d left, Caitlyn could do as she pleased. Argue with her. Fuck her. Chop her up and dump her in the Pilt. Whatever the lady wished. Hell, Jinx would take requests. As long as she got what she wanted out of it.

‘Cait, I appreciate your concern for my best friend, but with the greatest of respect—’

‘I’ll go.’ Did she say that? Was that her voice? The words flew out before she thought them.

‘You’ll go?’ Ekko asked in disbelief. ‘With her…? Jinx, I can easily take you.’

‘I said I’ll go.’

She unfurled like a cat stretching awake. Stood and enveloped Ekko in the biggest goodbye hug her small arms could manage.

‘You gonna be okay?’ He worried into her hair. ‘It’s Caitlyn. Kiramman…’

‘Yeah, I know who it is,’ she snickered into his ear. ‘I’ll be fine. She’s right. Makes more sense this way.’

‘I guess, but… you really wanna go?’

Of everyone in her life, Ekko would’ve understood her reasoning even less than Vi. She couldn’t explain why she was willing to leave with the enemy. Tightened her hold around him instead.

‘You really need to stop worrying about me.’ She pulled away and squished his cheeks, just like she did when they were kids. ‘But thanks, dude… I owe you.’

‘Nah,’ he said. ‘Just answer the next time I call, okay? I miss you.’

They didn’t usually speak so openly. She didn’t know what to do with his feelings. He missed her. Okay. Why? What did he expect her to do about that? She couldn’t change. Couldn’t answer his calls or reply to his texts. Not lately. Never consistently. His feelings on the issue just seemed… redundant.

Maybe that made her heartless, or a bitch. She’d done and thought worse. Much worse. Not concerning Ekko, though. He was good to her.

She swallowed her apathy and smiled. ‘Miss you too. We’ll hang out soon.’

Did he know she didn’t mean it?

Ekko opened his mouth to reply but she left before the words came. Gathered her bearings enough to find the exit.

When Caitlyn joined her outside, Jinx studied the ground. The glare of the tarmac. The obsidian black of her boots. She couldn’t look up. Couldn’t risk the sight of Caitlyn’s face in the blinding evening sun.

They walked on.

 ***

 ‘Jinx?’

She didn’t reply. Bolted ahead. Walked and walked and walked. Too fast for Caitlyn to keep up. Not in her heels, at least.

‘Jinx, please… slow down!’

Caitlyn’s whines propelled Jinx forwards. Faster and faster.

‘Why are you constantly running or pushing me away?’

Jinx barrelled down the road like a missile cutting through the sky.

‘I just want to help you,’ Caitlyn protested. ‘Let me help you!’

‘Help me!?’ Jinx exploded with a fierce screech. Stopped still in the street and turned to confront the source of the complaints. ‘Why!? You think I need to be looked after like I’m some dumb kid?’

In her rage, she dared to look at that face. The low-hanging sun obscured most of it, but Caitlyn’s lips remained visible, open, imploring mercy.

Caitlyn moved forward a few paces, out of the light’s path, and the rest of her features came clear. Jinx couldn’t look away, but she wanted to. Needed to.

‘No,’ Caitlyn urged. ‘Of course not, I—’

‘I can take care of myself,’ Jinx spat. ‘Been doing it since I was eighteen.’ Since they took Silco away. ‘Didn’t need anybody back then, and I sure as shit don’t now. Especially not you.’

‘I, I didn’t mean—’

‘Save it. We both know the real reason you swept in tonight. Taking me back to your place because it’s so close by?’ She snorted in disgust. ‘You’re pathetic.’

Jinx spun back around and resumed her strides. Caitlyn’s footsteps followed, more quickly this time, a fresh determination in her gait.

‘If that’s what you think, why agree to come with me?’

Jinx smirked at the question. ‘I dunno. Maybe I’m pathetic too? Maybe I don’t give a fuck?’

‘Bullshit.’

‘Bullshit!?’ She bit. Venom laced her tongue as she looked back at Caitlyn once again.

The gap between them grew smaller and smaller. Part of her ached to close it completely. To pull Caitlyn in by her neck and break it. Break her, like she’d broken Jinx.

‘You wanna know what’s really bullshit, Caitlyn? Your totally platonic plus-one. You and Mel Medarda are just friends, huh?’

‘We are just friends.’

‘Stop lying!’

‘I’m not!’

‘You were eye-fucking each other all night! She touched your back like she fucking owned you, and you only moved away when you saw me standing there. Caught in the act.’

‘The act? What act!?’

Oh, Jinx needed to get a proper glimpse of Caitlyn’s face. How it distorted and crumpled and lied, lied, lied. She needed to see it in vivid detail.

In a flash of speed, she lunged forwards, leaving just a few inches between their panting bodies. Caitlyn’s heavy breath ruffled the stray hairs on Jinx’s face. Her dark blue eyes shone, nervous and determined and furious. Her lips puckered, ready to fight.

‘Jinx, I don’t know what you think you saw, but—’

‘I told you. She touched you!’

Her hands moved in sync with her words and reached out, grabbed onto Caitlyn’s shoulders. The elastic straps of that killer mauve dress and the warmth of Caitlyn’s skin sizzled beneath her fingertips.

She flinched. Pulled away before she could adjust to the sensation. Met Caitlyn’s questioning gaze. Blinked off into the distance.

‘Sometimes friends are tactile with each other,’ Caitlyn reasoned. With a shiver, she wrapped her arms around her torso. ‘It doesn’t have to mean anything.’

‘And when we—’ Shut up, Jinx. Shut up. ‘Did that mean anything?’

‘…how can you ask me that?’ Caitlyn’s voice splintered. Wounded.

Good. She wanted Caitlyn to feel just as lost and hurt as she did.

‘I’m just a little confused, Cait,’ Jinx pressed, callous and taunting and insistent. ‘Which touches mean what? How many of your other so-called friends are all over you like that? I can tell you my answer. None. People don’t touch me intimately like that unless I’m fucking them.’

‘And Ekko?’ Caitlyn countered. Her words brimmed with a calm self-assurance. ‘When he held you… was that not intimate?’

‘That’s different.’

‘Is it? I don’t think so.’

‘He’s my best friend and I was having a panic attack.’

‘I know,’ Caitlyn maintained. ‘You needed support, and he was there to help you, to comfort you… what you witnessed with Mel was the exact same thing.’

Jinx’s head spun. Caitlyn could play her like a violin. She felt insane. She knew what she saw in that kitchen.

‘Liar!’ She screamed. ‘Why the fuck are you lying about this!? Just admit it!’

‘It’s the truth, Jinx. I’m not lying.’ Caitlyn stepped closer. Too close. Not close enough. ‘But even if I was dating Mel, why would you care?’

‘I wouldn’t.’ Her voice cracked.

‘No?’ Caitlyn half-smirked. ‘You’re not jealous then?’

‘Of Mel stuck-up bitch Medarda?’ Jinx’s mocking tone had nobody fooled. ‘As if,’ she added sheepishly.

Caitlyn snickered and bridged their distance even further. Took hold of the lapels on Jinx’s jacket, stared down at the leather in her grip and smiled.

‘I didn’t want to go tonight. I thought going with Mel—a friend—might help. I told her how shitty and weird I felt about it. She reassured me…’

Caitlyn’s tentative hands slipped under Jinx’s jacket. Clammy against Jinx’s skin, they slithered over the ridge of her collarbone, up to her neck.

She couldn’t breathe. Couldn’t think. Only feel. Hot, sticky feelings. She burnt up in Caitlyn’s orbit. A fever ignited her skin, obliterated her senses. Heat and discomfort were all she had left. She wanted to run away and never look back, but Caitlyn kept her still, transfixed.

‘In the kitchen,’ Caitlyn continued. ‘What you saw… Mel sensed my discomfort at the topic of conversation and reached out to help me through it.’

She cupped Jinx’s face like it was porcelain. Delicate and breakable and precious. Fingers ghosted over her jawline, hovered over her cheeks. Eyes darted between lips and pupils.

‘A friend supporting a friend… that’s all it was.’

‘And then?’ Jinx gulped. ‘When you saw me, you didn’t even react. You didn’t… you didn’t care.’

‘Jinx, I was in shock.’ Resentment flickered beneath Caitlyn’s mask of composure. She applied more pressure to the pads of her fingertips, holding Jinx’s face with more force, more gumption. ‘I had no idea you’d be there. It’s been six months. Six months since…’

Caitlyn didn’t complete her sentence, but Jinx got the gist.

‘Since the biggest mistake of your life.’ She gritted her teeth in a mad grin. ‘Must’ve been a really rough time for you, crying on Mel Medarda’s perfect golden shoulder.’

‘That’s not…’ Caitlyn’s eyes emptied. ‘It’s been hell.’

‘So dramatic,’ Jinx drawled. ‘Why? Can’t live with yourself knowing you fucked Vi’s crazy little sister?’

‘Oh, the guilt over Vi has been the easy part, believe me!’

Caitlyn lowered her hands, away from Jinx’s face. Not ready to lose contact, Jinx locked their fingers together and brought Caitlyn back to her. Held her hands fixed to her cheeks, so tight it might’ve bruised. Edging a fraction closer, Jinx tilted up on her tippy toes and bumped their noses together. Caitlyn shuddered and leaned into the embrace, closed her eyes.

‘And the hard part?’ Jinx muttered.

‘Take a wild guess.’

‘Tell me.’

‘We connected, Jinx.’ Caitlyn’s voice wobbled. Her eyes flickered back open. ‘Then you disappeared, and I didn’t know why. I still don’t know.’

How could Jinx describe it? Show Caitlyn the fucking DSM-5 and highlight all the relevant sections? Her myriad issues weren’t easy to explain, even if Caitlyn had a vague grasp on a few of them. In that moment, Jinx had neither the mental capacity nor the resolve to fill in the blanks or accept accountability for her fuck-up. Whether Caitlyn liked it or not, that conversation had to come later.

‘What did you mean?’ Caitlyn’s voice tremored, her lips shaking on the cusp of tears. ‘All those things you said to me before I left… what did you mean?’

‘I don’t have the words.’ She sighed. Twirled Caitlyn’s silky ponytail round and round in her idle fingers. ‘It’s complicated. Bad brain shit, y’know?’

‘Yeah. I know.’ For a second, Caitlyn’s gaze darted to Jinx’s lips. ‘Do you ever think about it…? That night.’

Their eyes met, willing the other to be gentle and honest.

‘…all the time,’ Jinx whispered.

A few tears broke the threshold of Caitlyn’s tight-lined lashes and rolled down her cheeks, clashing with her understated make-up.

‘Same,’ Caitlyn sniffed.

‘…do you think about me when you’re fucking Medarda?’ The question landed on the flirtatious side of sarcastic. Jinx chuckled, hoping Caitlyn would see the funny side before more tears fell.

‘Again: just friends,’ Caitlyn insisted for the hundredth time. But it did the trick. Suppressing laughter of her own, Caitlyn leant down and bumped Jinx’s nose again.

Their lips grazed slightly on impact. Jinx swallowed a moan at the full-body tingle that followed, fighting the urge to pounce and devour.

Out in the open like that, anyone could’ve walked past and seen them. People heading home from the party… Vi. Anyone.

She stepped back, reinstating personal space. Smiled meekly as Caitlyn’s face fell.

‘I almost told her, actually… about us,’ Caitlyn confessed.

‘Medarda? Why?’

‘I thought it might help.’ Caitlyn sidled up to the nearby hedgerow separating the street from someone’s front drive. Leant against the wall of tiny leaves and tiny branches. ‘I thought… maybe she’d understand and have some advice. I don’t know… something to help me sleep a bit better at night.’

‘Her pussy doesn’t help?’

‘Dear god, will these jokes never end?’

‘Who said they were jokes?’

‘They bloody better be!’

Caitlyn pushed away from the hedge. Swung her arms out wide and began pacing up and down the patch of street.

Jinx scoffed, digesting Caitlyn’s little outburst. Why did the concept of her and Mel hooking up bother her so much? If anyone should’ve been bothered, it was Jinx. But Caitlyn? Guilty conscience?

‘Why didn’t you tell Mel about us?’ Jinx had to ask. ‘Were you ashamed?’

‘No.’ Caitlyn folded her arms with another wave of hostility. Kept pacing. ‘We agreed. It’s no one else’s business.’

‘Right, so, you didn’t tell anyone?’

‘No one… Did you?’

‘Technically,’ she grimaced like a naughty school kid. ‘But my therapist doesn’t count.’

‘Your therapist,’ Caitlyn nodded in relief. ‘Of course.’

‘Who the fuck else would I have told?’ Jinx balked. ‘Have a little trust.’

‘Sorry, but it’s impossible to know with you sometimes.’ In contemplation, Caitlyn paused her steps. Stroked her hands over her smooth, slicked back hair. Held them in place above her head. ‘What did your therapist say?’

Staring at the armpits and side-boob on display, Jinx malfunctioned. Imagined burying her face in that flank of skin, biting down on the soft flesh and hard muscle. Her teeth would leave a red mark, glistening with saliva, spoiling the pallid landscape like blood on snow.

What did Heimerdinger say? Fuck, she couldn’t even remember her own damn name.

‘Sorry, I forgot.’ Caitlyn’s hands returned to her hips; trance broken. ‘No therapy talk.’

‘Oh… right…’ Jinx shook out her limbs. Bit her lips instead of Caitlyn’s body. ‘Well, doesn’t matter, anyway,’ she chuckled darkly. ‘I stopped going.’

‘Jinx.’

Caitlyn moved in closer again, reaching out for another embrace. Like all their problems could be solved by touching each other.

It didn’t work like that. Some issues could never be fixed.

‘Don’t.’ Jinx backed away, teetering on the kerb. ‘Don’t get all concerned and annoying. I’m fine.’

‘Yeah, you seem it.’

‘Ugh! If we’ve circled back to the whole wanting-to-help-me schtick, don’t fucking bother. You don’t know me, Caitlyn! Why the fuck d’you think you can help me!?’

Why was she still entertaining this? She needed Fade and a long bath, not the headache of a night spent one on one with this insufferable woman.

Once they reached the house, there’d be no chance to slink away, no alone time like Caitlyn had promised. They’d fall into bed and fuck until they passed out, or worse, stay up until dawn talking about their fucking feelings. The signs were all there. Desire and scrutiny manifested in sour words, blistering eye contact and enduring touches. A heady craving to consume and pick each other apart until only bones remained.

The road to Caitlyn’s only led to mistakes and pain. Before they left the party, Jinx thought she wanted it, or that she didn’t care, but the crisp evening air sobered her enough to make her doubt.

Maybe she’d call a cab and head home? Or walk? A couple hours’ exercise might’ve worked off the aching urge swimming low in her belly, teasing and wetting her core. Caitlyn sent her body into overdrive, chaotic and frenzied.

She needed calm. Quiet. Her own bed for the night. Her own space.

She shoved past Caitlyn. Tried to picture the route back to her apartment and block out the hurt and betrayal dashed across that beautiful Piltie face. Fuck. She had to pass the house, there was no other way. Unless she scaled the roofs and leapfrogged over the houses and buildings, there was no shortcut.

Wait, could she…? She’d always had a knack for climbing. Hmm. Maybe if she jacked up on Shimmer first? It would certainly make her bold enough to try.

Tempting… But nah. Jumping over the tops of buildings? Sounded like something from a fucking videogame. Whatever. She’d take her chances on the ground; couldn’t avoid it.

Onwards bound, right foot hovering mid-air, Caitlyn grabbed her wrist. Forced her to stay.

‘Okay,’ Caitlyn asserted. A tired rasp tugged at her voice.

‘Okay…?’

‘You’re right. I can’t help you.’

Caitlyn let go, and Jinx’s wrist flopped to her side. Free to run, she remained rooted.

She wanted to leave. Why the fuck couldn’t she leave?

‘But I care, Jinx. I care about you.’

Caitlyn cared? Even after Jinx fucked up. Had she forgiven her?

How much did she care? If Jinx ran, would she follow? Would she take off her heels and sprint barefoot across Zaun? If she saw Jinx getting high, would she stop her? Judge her? Storm off like Vi?

How far did that care extend? What could break it?

‘Please,’ Caitlyn urged. ‘Don’t push me away. Not again.’

‘Maybe I can’t help it? Ever think of that?’

‘No. You have more self-control than that.’

‘I really, really don’t.’

‘You can practice.’ God, Caitlyn really believed her own bullshit, didn’t she? ‘You can try. If you want to.’

‘Who’s to say I want to?’ Hands in her jacket pockets and a nasty scowl on her face, Jinx stepped into Caitlyn’s personal space. ‘Maybe I want nothing to do with you.’

‘Maybe.’ Caitlyn raised a sceptical brow, not intimidated in the least. ‘And maybe I’m fucking Mel.’

‘Why would you say that!?’ Jinx’s mouth fell open in shock at Caitlyn’s cruelty. She balled her fists and clenched her toes. She felt like a toddler throwing a tantrum.

‘Because it’s equally fucking ridiculous!’ Caitlyn laughed, shrill and abrupt.

‘What!?’

‘I swear to Janna, look at us, Jinx! What the fuck are we doing, arguing in the middle of the street like a couple of wankers!?’

‘Wankers? Speak for yourself.’ A new wind of sarcastic asshole ripped through her. She giggled, short and sharp. ‘…or not. I guess Mel’s been a real help in that area.’

‘Fucking hell!’ Caitlyn doubled over in a throaty cackle, hands on her knees. ‘I missed this. I actually missed this!’ The stream of chuckles continued as she straightened back up and started pacing again. ‘What the fuck is wrong with me?’

‘What d’you want? A list?’

‘What do I want?’ Caitlyn mimicked. ‘Well, I don’t fucking want Mel, for starters!’

‘You don’t?’ Jinx didn’t believe it. ‘You have eyes, right? They work?’

‘Shut the fuck up! Yes, they work!’

Jinx held her hands up in surrender. ‘Just asking.’

‘They work,’ Caitlyn repeated. Took a second to level out her breathing. ‘You just… you have no idea what they see.’ She clutched her hands to her head again. Squeezed her skull. Her gaze stuck on Jinx; eyed her up and down. ‘You haven’t got a clue, have you?’

Jinx couldn’t stand it. Looked back at her boots. ‘…about?’

‘About me! About how I feel!’

‘I’m sensing anger.’

‘Oh, my fucking god, I could strangle you! You’re infuriating, did you know that!?’

‘It’s been said.’

‘You are. You’re the most annoying person I’ve ever met! You’re intolerable, rude, thoughtless, reckless… You treat everyone around you like pieces of shit!’

‘I know.’

Jinx throbbed at Caitlyn’s words. That ol’ degradation kink, working its magic. She glanced back up. Studied the blind fury and unquestionable lust of Caitlyn’s dilated, shaking pupils, flushed cheeks, neck and chest aflame. A wide grin bloomed.

‘And yet, you missed me.’ The grin became a breezy laugh.

‘Oh, I wish I didn’t!’ Caitlyn wailed.

Jinx’s laughter receded to silence. There was Caitlyn, offloading all this pain and frustration, and Jinx got off on it. God, she was such a fucked-up asshole.

‘I wish I didn’t miss you!’ Caitlyn continued. ‘I wish… I wish that just one day during these past six months wasn’t wasted on missing you.’ Ouch. ‘Fuck it, one hour. One minute… You’re all I’ve thought about.’

‘…why?’ Jinx fractured. Not quite there, not anymore.

‘Because I like you, you complete and utter dickhead!’

‘Caitlyn.’ A helpless snicker passed Jinx’s lips. She hugged her arms tight around her torso. Stared back down at her boots and the concrete below, more reluctant to look at that face than ever before. ‘You’re supposed to be smarter than that.’

‘Well, I’m not!’

‘Clearly.’

Fuck, she really needed to leave. Go. Just fucking go.

‘See, now, this would be the part where you say you like me back, you know… so I don’t feel like such an idiot.’

Move! ‘Yeah…’ Fucking move! Get out of there!

Jinx took one last glance at Caitlyn’s face, marred by tears. The water made her eyes infinitely bluer. They dazzled like crystals. Like the sea at sunrise reflecting light.

Her fingers itched to wipe the tears away, but the rest of her wailed and howled in protest.

She’s too perfect. Don’t do this again. Don’t ruin her. Just go!

Numbness welcomed her like a friend. She looked towards the road. The way back to herself.

Go home. Get safe. Get high. Forget this ever happened.

And so, she did. She walked so fast she almost sprinted. Caitlyn’s cries died with the distance.

The second she could, she filled her tub with hot water and her brain with Fade. She didn’t want to feel. Didn’t want to remember. Didn’t want to exist.

Asleep in the sanctuary of an endless bath, her head emptied to all but a few vital memories.

Her mother’s laugh… Vi’s piggy back rides… the warming tobacco of Silco’s cigars… Caitlyn’s infinite blue.

[lvrexe]

Wild Ride | Shiranui

Wild Ride Chapter 1 - Shiranui Chp 2/Chp 3 [both are yet to be written] First three chapters will be published on Tumblr, but the rest will be posted on my AO3 which you can find here.

General Fic Info Rating; Explicit Category; M/M Ship(s); Hatake Kakashi/Shiranui Genma, Sarutobi Asuma/Shiranui Genma, Hatake Kakashi/Sarutobi Asuma Genre: Romance, Angst, Tags: Smut with plot, Poly Relationships, Friends with Benefits, Eventual Romance, Alternative Universe, Semi-Modern AU, Anal sex, Explicit Content, Misinterpreted Relationships, Misunderstandings, Drinking, Alcoholism

Semi-Modern AU - Many aspects of the canon universe are still present (Shinobi Organization System, Jutsu, Missions, Chunin Exams, etc) but take a lighter mood and aren’t as prominent. Technology is advanced and modernized, such as; phones, computers, internet, tvs, video games, etc. Peaceful AU - The Third Shinobi War still occurred but many, such as Uchiha Obito and Nohara Rin, still survived to tell the tale. The Uchiha clan were never massacred and neither of the Uchiha brothers left the Village.

Chapter Info; Word Count: ~5.7k Content Warnings: Drinking, One night stand, Hangover, Oral sex, Hand job, Friends with Benefits, bit of an oral fixation

s/n; There’s a reference to an anime I once watched in here, Panty and Stocking with Garterbelt.

+ last scene includes NSFW

The faint sound of his phone buzzing is what stirred Shiranui Genma awake, that, and the bright sun beaming him in his face. A shiver shot up his spine as cold, morning air brushed against his single exposed leg. He tucked his calf back under the blanket, which alerted him to the stinging pain between his cheeks.

Buzz… Buzz…

Genma groaned as his phone vibrated. His hand swung over to the end table, tapping around to find his phone. When he couldn’t feel it, he peeled his eyes open and a groan left his lips as the room he was in wasn’t his own. He tossed himself onto his back, keeping his hips turned onto their side, and ran his hands down his face. ‘Dammit… And I promised Hayate I wouldn’t...’ he thought to himself.

His phone quit buzzing and fell silent, leaving him in the quiet room. He sighed and rubbed his temples, trying to stop his splitting hangover headache as he tried to remember the night before.

Genma had gone out with his Jounin colleagues for a night of drinking; a way of celebrating Uchiha Obito’s promotion to Jounin. It didn’t phase him that he had a shift in the morning, he told himself he wasn’t going to get too drunk. Heh, and look how that turned out. He let out a groan as he pried at his own mind for answers. From his memory, he remembered… Ebisu, Might Gai, Umino Iruka (Technically, Iruka wasn’t a Jounin, but he still grew up close with the group), Sarutobi Asuma, Yuhi Kurenai, Nohara Rin, and Hatake Kakashi.

As he thought back to the night before, he cursed to himself for keeping his head upwards as his partner attacked his neck after roughly pushing him against the wall. The two hardly seemed to get through the door. He remembered the touch as he viciously undressed the person then. He definitely didn’t remember any tits.

The next thing he remembered was him on his knees, lips dragging up and down his partner’s cock as he bobbed his head. He still didn’t get a look at who it was. But it definitely wasn’t Kurenai or Rin.

So it wasn’t Kurenai or Rin and it wasn’t Obito or Asuma, he knew that for certain. Sure, Genma enjoyed a good hook-up here and there but he knew damn well that people in loving relationships were a no-go. So that left him with Ebisu, Gai, Iruka and Kakashi. Genma’s face visibly cringed and held back a gag before he immediately chucked Gai out of the list. He thought about Ebisu for a moment before kicking him off the list as well.

That left him with the last two on the list; Iruka or Kakashi.

Genma shivered and he held his wrist, resisting the urge to palm himself as he relished in the memories of the previous night. Fuck, Iruka or Kakashi were good, whoever it was. He just hated how every memory he had of the experience failed to give him any sort of indicator of whoever it was. Not like he wasn’t going to find out soon anyway.

He bit his bottom lip as his hips humped up into his hand; he caved in. His brunette bangs fell to the sides of his face as he raised his lower body upwards, his mouth drew open, heavy breaths leaving his lips as he felt his cock harden beneath his boxers. But as he melted into the pleasure, his phone started up again, buzzing and vibrating, effectively ruining the moment for him.

Scoffing, he relaxed himself and turned onto his side to look around for his phone. On the floor, his clothes were scattered across the room but his pants were the closest to the bed. His phone’s bright screen shone through the fabric of his pants pocket and he tugged out his phone. Checking the caller ID, he uttered a “fuck” under his breath. Shizune. Reluctantly, he hit answer and brought the phone up to his ear. “‘Ello?” he croaked out.

“Genma! Where are you?” Shizune screeched through the phone, causing Genma to pull his head away momentarily.

“You’re rather loud this morning,” he grumbled.

“Answer me! You’re supposed to be here by now! Do you know what time it is?” God, if she kept shouting in his ear, his headache was bound to come back; not like it had dissipated. He checked the time listed in the top corner of his phone. 8:34 AM. Dammit, half an hour late. He pushed himself up and rested his back against the pillows. “I am.... Helping the elderly at a nursing home…”

Shizune immediately scoffed and rolled her eyes. “Oh come on, Genma! You were out drinking again,” she lectured. He could hear her sigh before her attention was likely drawn elsewhere when someone in the background raised their voice. “Ack! I’m coming, Lady Tsunade!... Get your butt back over here already, Genma!”

“I will, I will…” he groaned as he rubbed his forehead. “Cover for me, please?”

“Cover for you, how? What am I supposed to tell Tsunade?” “I… Uh, got kidnapped?”

“Oh, har, har… I’ll tell her you’re running late. And that’s it.”

Genma heard a click on her end and the call ended. He sighed and tossed his phone on the nearby end table. His umber brown eyes caught wind of a familiar book hanging on the edge of the table; Icha Icha Paradise. Ah, so he managed to bed the famed Copy Nin, Kakashi. And if on cue;

“So you’re awake.”

Standing at the door frame of the bedroom was Kakashi, messy silver hair looking more like a rat's nest than actual hair, a loose white tank top that hardly did anything to hide much, and of course, his classic mask that clung to his face to hide his features. In his hand was a glass of water. Genma made no effort in hiding the fact he was eyeing Kakashi up and down. He chuckled and purred, eating up the eye candy. Kakashi pushed himself off the door frame and placed the cup onto the table, “Glad you’re enjoying the view.”

“Wish I could’ve seen more of it last night, y’know,” A cocky reply, but not necessarily a fib. He would’ve loved to see Kakashi’s features, even if it were from a drunken one night stand. The brunette grabbed the glass and sipped on the water. He let out a sigh and rubbed the side of his head. He gulped down the water and placed the glass down as Kakashi wandered over and sat himself down at the edge of the bed. “Heh, sorry, you know how finicky I get about that…”

Kakashi rubbed the back of his neck and chuckled, brows curving to express a light-hearted nervous expression. He turned his head to Genma. “You’re not in too much pain, are you?” he questioned. “I did what I could with the whole aftercare thing… Tried getting you dressed as well, I think.”

Curious, the brunette Jounin lifted the sheets. A smile tugged at his lips and a quick laugh erupted from him. He was only in his boxers. When he reached down and tucked the waistband around his thumb, he noticed something. “These are inside out, Kakashi,” he stated with a cackle.

“Never said I did it well…” the silver-haired shinobi chuckled. He rested his arms on his knees. “You got a shift soon?”

“Late for one…” Genma clarified, “... Can I use your shower?” He took a glance down at his inverted undergarments. “... And snag some underwear?”

“I’ve only got large, so I hope they’ll fit,” Kakashi replied as he pushed himself up. “As for my shower, I don’t have much in there, but feel free to use it.” He opened one of the drawers in his dresser and tossed over a pair of his briefs onto the bed as Genma climbed out of the bed.

“They’ll fit,” Genma replied as he gathered his clothes from the floor. He tossed his pants, his shirt and his jacket onto the bed along with the briefs. He caught the towel tossed towards him. Kakashi headed towards the door, before stopping and turning to the other Jounin, “Shower’s just down the hall, at the end.”

Genma found the shower fairly easily; there weren’t many rooms in Kakashi’s house. He tossed the white towel onto the hanger and peeled off his briefs before stepping into the tub. Turning the knob, he held his hand under the stream of water until he found the right temperature before tugging up the diverter. His back flinched when it was splashed with water from the shower head above. The shower fully woke him up and he spent a good minute or two just soaking in the warm water, he rested his arm against the wall, letting the water drench his hair as he thought about the night before. He just slept with the Hatake Kakashi, the famed Copy Nin and the ideal example of an elite shinobi; the best of the best.

A low chuckle pried its way out of his lips. ‘Now that’s a tale to tell…’ he thought to himself. Remembering the night, his cock twitched in response. Fuck, he was not that caught up on the encounter that it got him hard this quickly. Regardless, Genma reached down to the sex between his legs; he’d indulge in his fantasies for a moment. His hand wrapped firmly around his base and he pumped his hand down to the tip, letting out a shaky breath as he did so.

His hand continued to stroke his length, pleasing his hard-on. An aroused huff left his lips as he leaned against the wall, resting his forehead on his forearm, eyes focused on the shaft in his free hand.

Genma bit into his bottom lip, raising his head upwards, water splashing on his throat now, as his motions increased. A low groan rumbled in his throat and his eyes squeezed shut as he chased his release. He humped his hips, a familiar tingling sensation pooling deep down. He groaned out as cum shot out of his tip, splattering onto the pearly white bottom of the tub.

The water diluted his fluids before the two liquids were sucked down the drain. Genma panted out as he calmed himself down. He stared down at the floor of the tub, his body ached for more and he nearly caved to his urges. But he shook his head and reached out to the knob, shifting the warm water to freezing cold. He shivered as his mind was shocked into snapping out of it’s groggy state.

Genma knew what awaited him behind the doors of the Hokage’s Residence; a lecture from Shizune, pestering from Kotetsu or Izumo (if they weren’t on gate duty), questions from Hayate, and finally, a reprimanding from Lady Tsunade. Running his hands down his clothes, he made his attempt at smoothing out the wrinkles in his clothes.

He sighed and shook his head before he sucked in a breath and entered the bright scarlet building. As expected, both Izumo and Kotetsu sat in the lobby-esque room. Kamizuki Izumo was the first to raise his head from the desk he was stationed at. “Running late today, Genma?” he shot out his first question.

The exhausted Jounin let out a low grumble as he walked over to Izumo and Kotetsu’s desk. “You could say that…” he murmured under his breath, teeth clamping down on the senbon between his lips.

“‘Say that’, huh?” Izumo huffed out, handing over a clipboard used for signing in, “You act like you’ve been a no-show for an hour now.” “Hey, where were you?” Hagane Kotetsu piped up, popping one of his eyes open.

“Home,” Genma answered with a lie. It left Kotetsu raising a brow with a mischievous grin. Uh oh. “Really?” Kotetsu swung up to sit up straight, his attention now fully grabbed by the conversation. He rested his arms on the end of the table, “Hayate told me he went and checked on you.”

Shit.

“Must’ve not heard him,” the brunette responded as he grabbed a pen from the pen holder tucked into the corner of the desk. He scribbled his name on the sign-in sheet.

“Huh, odd,” Kotetsu hummed, “‘Cos he only left to pick you up after your call with Shizune.” If Kotetsu kept on pestering and prying, Genma would be in jail for seven cases of assault soon.

“Was already out,” he was popping out lies left and right, and he knew Kotetsu knew that his tales were fabricated. But he supposed that was the dynamic of their limited friendship. One prying, the other lying.

“Well, Hayate sure came in way earlier than you—” “Kotetsu, that’s enough,” Izumo spat as he took the clipboard away from Genma. “Ignore him, Genma… Go get to the Hokage’s office, Lady Tsunade’s waiting for you. Best not keep her waiting.”

Genma quickly took his leave from the two Chunin and headed down the hallway. He passed and greeted a few other shinobi, making brief conversations, checking up on them just as his mother raised him to. He turned onto the stairs but as he was about to reach the top floor, he stopped in his tracks as he spotted the back of his close friend, Gekko Hayate.

He sighed in defeat, no way he was avoiding his friend now, and took that final step, bringing himself to the top floor. Of course, the ninja in front of Hayate pointed him out and the sickly Jounin turned around. His dark brown eyes were well-sunken in, his skin dreadfully pale, dark hair rough and damaged; his illness was taking a toll on him, and it didn’t take a rocket scientist to identify that. “Oh, finally, there you are,” he said. He turned his head to the other shinobi and dismissed him before heading over to Genma. “You want to tell me what happened to you?”

Genma groaned. “Did you need to check on me?” he shot back.

“I thought you said you weren’t going to drink,” the other murmured. “Shizune and I both had to cover for your ass, you know…”

“Sorry, sorry… I got carried away, I know…” he grumbled as the two made their way down the curved hall to the Hokage’s office.

“So who was it this time?” Hayate inquired, his interest piqued. “Must’ve been someone good if they kept you late for an hour rather than the usual half hour.”

The taller of the two laughed before he pondered whether or not he should spill the beans on his night with Kakashi. Kakashi probably wouldn’t like others knowing of his sex life… He didn’t strike Genma as the type to brag of his encounters and experiences in the sex department— if he bragged about anything at all. “Can’t tell you,” Genma eventually replied.

A hiss through Hayate’s clenched teeth. “That bad?”

“Oh no, he was amazing,” Genma informed. “Just don’t think he’d want me to disclose our night.”

“What? You worried I’d gossip? Do I look like a 14-year-old girl to you?”

“No, I think you look like a character from a Tim Burton movie,” Genma was quick to shoot back, earning him a shove in the arm from Hayate.

“Rude.”

“Come in,” Tsunade’s voice called out from behind the closed door.

Genma sucked in a breath and let out a heavy sigh. He opened the Hokage’s door and entered the office, Lady Tsunade sat behind her large desk, papers scattered across the top while her tawny brown eyes remained focused on her computer screen, scrolling through something.

“Lord Fifth,” Genma greeted, grabbing Tsunade’s attention.

Tsunade shifted her eyes to him before turning her body to fully face him. “Genma.” Oh that wasn’t a good tone. “You’re late.”

“My apologies, Hokage,” he murmured out, stuffing his hands into his pockets. “I got wrapped up in something…”

The blonde woman cocked an eyebrow but she turned her head to her computer, deciding against prying. She clicked around on her computer, bringing up some files, specifically the files about the up-coming Chunin Exams. She scrolled down and found the blank proctor spot for the finals. Normally, Hayate would be taking this spot, however, his illness interfered. Genma had held the finals before and based on the Third Hokage’s report, he did well. Not that there was much to report on. He was one of few recommended for the position.

“As you probably know, the first Chunin Exams of the year are around the corner,” she spoke up finally. She rested her elbows on her desk and rested her chin on her intertwined hands. “The first and second stages already have their proctors,” she explained, “The finals, however, lack a proctor.”

“Hayate can’t operate?” Genma piped up.

Tsunade only nodded. “Given Hayate’s illness and it’s sudden increase in progression, he won’t be able to perform optimally during the Exams,” she stated briefly. She sighed and furrowed her brows, averting her gaze downwards. She closed her eyes for a moment, dwelling in a feeling of guilt. She opened them once again, eyes strict and firm, she gazed back up at the brunette Jounin. “There’s been a few recommendations, but I feel like you’d be the best pick for the proctor.”

Genma bit down onto the end of his senbon. He pursed his lips and let out a heavy breath through his nostrils. He sighed and nodded. “I see,” he hummed. He glanced back at the door where Hayate had dropped him off. “I get it…”

“You don’t have any qualms about this?” she questioned.

He shook his head. “Not at all,” he affirmed, “I’d be glad to proctor the exams.”

“You know that as a proctor, you now take part in determining which participants are promoted to the rank of Chunin,” Tsunade reminded with an explanation he had heard once before, “And you must remain unbiased to the shinobi and kunoichi of Konoha. Genin from other villages will be attending the exams and unless this exam is lacklustre, I do expect more than just one or two being promoted.”

“Understood, Lord Hokage,” Genma replied sharply. He had heard of this speech before, almost every proctor had heard it when given the position. He knew the job, his new position and the sudden boost of significance to his decisions the position brought.

“Lady Tsunade,” he piped up. She raised her head. “Who exactly are the other two proctors?” he inquired.

Tsunade turned her head to the screen of her monitor. “Hm, well it’s Nara Shikamaru and Yamashiro Aoba,” she listed off the two proctors. “Shikamaru is already ironing out some of the details for the first exam, while Aoba is working out his plans for the second exam.”

Shikamaru and Aoba, huh? Genma made a mental note to check in on the two. Then again, it wasn’t exactly necessary, the Finals were always the same no matter what the previous exams were.

“I’d also like you to inform some of the teams,” Tsunade requested. “Get the news spreading among the leaders.”

“Don’t you want to bring them here?” he questioned. “Unfortunately, I’ve got a few meetings… It’d be a hassle for me to squeeze in another.”

Genma groaned. “So, no patrol around the residence?”

“No, I’d suggest you get going. You’re already running late as it is,” Tsunade instructed.

The brunette Jounin made no more complaints, not even a little comment, before he nodded and headed out of the office.

“Naruto, what are you doing?!” Haruno Sakura pestered, angrily pointing towards her dimwitted teammate.

“Whaddya mean ‘what am I doing’?” Uzumaki Naruto shot back. “I’m doing just as Kakashi-sensei said!”

Sakura whacked the back of the blonde boy, gritting her teeth. “You idiot! No, you’re not! Here, watch me again and pay attention, Naruto.”

Leaning against a tree, arms crossed, Kakashi let out a sigh as he watched his two students struggle to pin down a technique he taught— well, Sakura had already gotten it down and mastered it, it was Naruto who had yet to execute it. He rubbed his forehead for a moment, eyebrows frowned, and dipped his head, tearing his attention away from the two Genin. Discerning a familiar chakra approaching behind him, he quickly turned around and waited for the Jounin to land.

“Kakashi.”

Genma dropped onto the ground swiftly. He stood up straight and walked forward, resting on the tree across from Kakashi’s. “Training your squad?” He spoke leisurely, making for small talk.

“New chakra technique… Naruto needs it.” The silver-haired shinobi made a quick glance over at the teenage couple as Sakura desperately tried to aid Naruto. “What do you need? Thought you had a patrol shift around the Hokage building.”

Genma let out a groan and rubbed the back of his neck, flicking the senbon to the other corner of his lips, teeth nibbling on the end in his mouth. “Nah, I got a new job,” he murmured.

“Which is?”

“I’m the proctor of the Chunin Exam finals,” he announced. He stuffed his hands into his pants pockets as he gazed out towards the training Genin out on the field. “Lord Fifth specifically asked me to inform the genin squads of Konoha of the upcoming Exams…”

Kakashi let out a hum as he pondered whether or not his squad was ready. His eyes flicked over to Sakura; she was fine, still needed some tuning but her training with the Fifth Hokage proved to be rewarding, she had a devastating blow to her punches and her medical Ninjutsu was nigh on perfect. His absent student, Uchiha Sasuke, had perfected the Chidori and his combat effectiveness. His skill with his sharingan, while Kakashi couldn’t help in that department despite having been gifted one, was honed in, thanks to the help of his older brother.

His eyes drifted over towards Naruto. He observed the blonde’s strained but concentrated expression as he pushed himself off from the ground. Naruto was still learning the Rasengan and whatever other Jutsu Jiraiya had started teaching him. Naruto was who Kakashi was worried about.

“...Kakashi?”

The elite Jounin snapped out of his daze. He chuckled and waved his hand softly. “Sorry, sorry…” he murmured. He sighed and crossed his arms. “I’ll end up talking to them, see if they’re ready for another Chunin Exam.”

“Speaking of your students,” Genma piped up. “Where’s the third?... Sasuke?”

“Ah, him. He’s already mastered the technique. I decided against keeping him from training with Itachi just because Naruto struggles to get it down,” he replied.

Genma only hummed in response, kicking his leg up, resting his foot against the trunk of the tree. He kept his head turned to the two Genin training on the field. As Sakura lectured and Naruto snapped back, the specialized Jounin couldn’t help but quietly chuckle at himself. Memories of his own Genin years flooded his mind. It was a mere three years compared to Team 7’s five years, but his years were still packed with fond memories; it was hard not to have some eventful memories when Might Gai was your assigned teammate. Pair that with Ebisu's stern personality and insistence to do everything by the books, Genma was often the bystander to a lot of spectacles between Gai and Ebisu.

Another laugh danced from him as he remembered all the antics he was dragged into by his two teammates; their fights, Ebisu’s not-so-hidden pervertedness, Gai’s determination to defeat Kakashi in quite literally anything, Gai using Ebisu and him as essentially training dummies. That was before any of them were promoted and all took their own paths; Ebisu went off to be assigned to the Third Hokage’s honorable grandson; Gai went to train a different squad, similar to Kakashi; and Genma? He ended up specializing in Hokage protection.

“I know that look.” Genma tore his eyes away from Naruto and Sakura upon hearing Kakashi’s words. “What’s on your mind, Genma?”

“Just reminiscing,” the brunette admitted. “Sometimes it seems like it was only yesterday we were their rank, acting without a damn care in the world.”

Kakashi only nodded in agreement. “Yeah…” he muttered under his breath. He pushed himself up off the tree. His eyes scanned over Genma’s body, images of Genma’s body flickered in his mind. He shivered at the thought of having the brunette beneath him again. “Genma.”

“Huh? What’s up?”

Nervously, the silver-haired shinobi chuckled. “If you’re not busy, stop by my house later.”

Genma cocked his brow up, a smirk tugged at his lips. He lifted off the tree and tilted his head. “Oh?” His interest was piqued. He stepped forward. “Alright, I’ll bite then… Eight sound good?”

Kakashi quickly nodded. He gulped down his nervousness and resisted the urge to run his hands up the brunette’s slim body. “Yea-yeah, of course.”

The older Jounin only chuckled. “Don’t fret, Kakashi… You were enjoyable, like hell I’m turning that down,” he assured. He pulled away and hummed. “I’ll bring a bottle to calm your nerves, don’t worry.”

With that, Genma turned on his heels to head off, waving goodbye to the silver-haired Jounin.

Kakashi wasn’t sure what he was doing giving into his urges earlier, he never usually thought with his dick. No matter the situation, he was always thinking with his head. He cursed himself, but he also praised himself for shooting his shot. And with someone like Genma too. He had to admit, the brunette just awoke something within him. It wasn’t certain how long the attraction had lasted but it definitely became noticeable in recent years the more the two hung out with each other.

A knock at the door disrupted his thoughts and Kakashi pulled himself up off his couch. He opened his front door to Genma, a bottle of whiskey in his hand, two shot glasses dangerously stacked onto the cap of said bottle. Genma wore a grin on his face, his senbon clenched firmly between his teeth. “Hey there, ‘Kashi,” he greeted, “You gon’ let me in or…?”

Kakashi cleared his throat and stepped to the side, inviting the brunette in. “You brought whiskey?” he asked an obvious question.

Genma laughed. “Of course,” he replied with the obvious answer as he plopped down on the couch. As he popped the bottle open, he took his time in observing Kakashi’s house in full.

It was a small house nuzzled between two larger buildings, so it didn’t come as a shock that Kakashi had little space in his living room; a large glass door that led to his backyard, the left wall beside it rested the couch Genma sat on, on the right was a wall-mounted TV with a shelf of all Kakashi’s books beneath it; the middle was a simple coffee table with miscellaneous items scattered across the top.

Kakashi sat himself down next to Genma as the brunette poured them both shots. He accepted the drink Genma offered him and watched as the other downed his shot instantly. He watched as Genma curled his lips in momentarily before he spat out his senbon, the thin metal needle clattering onto his table. Fuck. The way Genma moved his lips, how they’d look during his cocky smirks, all of it lit a flame deep down inside Kakashi. “This whiskey…” he brought up.

“Don’t worry,” the other said, “It’s weak whiskey.”

Accepting that, he shifted himself to the side. He tugged down his mask when his back was fully turned to Genma. He tilted his head back and downed the shot. Lifting his mask back up, he turned and watched as his old classmate poured another for himself before offering the bottle to him. He waved off the offer and slid his glass back onto the table. “I’m fine, Genma,” he assured.

“Alright, bottle’s here if you ever want more,” Genma replied as he drank down another shot.

“So… You’re the new proctor for the Chunin Exams?” He was quick to pull up a topic for small talk.

“Mhm,” the brunette quickly confirmed. “Apparently, I was one of the slim few who were recommended.” He turned his head to Kakashi. “But you seriously didn’t bring me here to just chat, did you?”

“No— but I just—” While Kakashi fumbled over his words, Genma shifted off his own cushion and kicked himself over Kakashi’s lap, resting his legs on each side of the other’s thighs. The white-haired Jounin sputtered as Genma sat firmly on his lap, his hands on his shoulders. “Oh.”

“You get flustered so easily for someone who reads porn on the daily,” Genma chuckled as he rocked his hips into Kakashi’s. “Hell, you probably watch a shit ton too, don’t you?”

“I—… Wow,” he murmured as his hands landed on the older’s hips, fingers dangerously close to groping those firm cheeks.

The brunette laughed and his hands slid up Kakashi’s neck, his jawline, his cheeks before his index and middle fingers hooked around the edge of his black mask. “Relax, ‘Kakashi,” he purred, “Let’s get this mask off, shall we?”

Kakashi’s hands were gripping Genma’s wrists in an instant, causing Genma to flinch momentarily. He sighed and slowly pulled Genma’s hands off his mask. Averting his eyes, letting go of Genma as the brunette’s hands found themselves back on his shoulders. “Sorry, Genma…” he murmured under his breath.

Genma pursed his lips, a little annoyed but he respected the other’s wishes. “Alright,” he replied.

Switching up his plans, the brunette slid off Kakashi’s lap and knelt on the hardwood floors. Realizing his intentions, Kakashi shifted his hips closer to the edge of the couch, spreading his legs. Genma’s hands trailed over his thighs, fingers drawing circles into his pants. He could only shiver in response. His zipper was undone and he lifted his hips as his pants were yanked down to his ankles.

Genma was quick to lick his lips upon seeing an erection hiding behind some black boxers. His hand reached forward and palmed the obvious bulge, a breathy groan escaping Kakashi. He chuckled and smirked as he continued on caressing Kakashi’s clothed cock. Watching the silver-haired shinobi’s reactions only egged on Genma. He felt Kakashi twitch and harden under his touch.

“Genma,” Kakashi grunted, “If you don’t start sucking, I’m going to burst.”

A teasing laugh erupted from Genma’s lips and he complied with Kakashi’s desperate wishes. His fingers hooked around the waistband of the undergarments and like the pants, he tugged them down. His chocolate brown eyes stared at the erect dick that shot up upon being freed. “You’re packing some length there…” he purred out a compliment. Kakashi only let out a nervous chuckle in reply.

Genma’s hand wrapped around the base and his tongue swiped across the tip. He dragged his tongue down the side, leaving a strip of his saliva down the sensitive flesh. His tongue licked around the tip, lapping up any pre. He pumped his hand up to the tip before tugging back down, spreading his saliva down the shaft.

Kakashi uttered curses under his breath before his hand reached over to the top of Genma’s head, tugging out the knot of his hitai-ate. He tugged off the navy blue headband and chucked it to the side, the metal clattering against the wooden floor. His fingers dove in, tangling themselves in Genma’s locks of brown hair. He tugged the other closer to the tip of his leaking cock. “I told you just suck,” he demanded in a timid tone, though, it only sounded like a squeaky request.

Genma rolled his eyes but he wasn’t going to deny or complain. He kissed the reddened tip before his tongue swirled around the tip. Through his thick eyelashes, his eyes locked with Kakashi’s as his lips wrapped around the cock. He pushed the length down his mouth, his tongue cupping the underside of the erect cock.

Kakashi groaned out as Genma’s wet warmth enveloped his length, resting his head on the back of the couch. His hand tugged at Genma’s hair, pushing him down his shaft. “Fuck…” he murmured out.

His eyes focused on Genma as the brunette dipped his head up and down, saliva coating his shaft. Specifically, his eyes watched Genma’s lips; he watched how they firmly wrapped around his length, how they dirtied themselves with saliva each time he bobbed his head, dragging up and down his throbbing cock. His cock twitched inside the mouth of Genma just from staring at his lips working.

Genma’s cheeks hollowed out as he sucked, his tongue cupping the underside of his dick, fingers wrapped around the base. If he could, he’d be smirking as Kakashi sung him whispered praises as he guided his mouth down the thick cock, the tip pushing against the back of his throat.

“Shit… Just like that…” Kakashi uttered. His hand continued to tug Genma down his shaft, deep-throating the other. He groaned out in pleasure as he rocked his hips upwards, earning some gagging sounds from Genma. He hesitated for a moment but Genma picking up his pace led Kakashi to continue on.

Heavy pants and lewd slurping noises filled the living room, Kakashi occasionally moaning out loudly as he reached his release. His grip tightened around Genma’s locks of hair as he shoved the brunette’s head down, thrusting his cock down his throat.

With a muffled moan, Genma squeezed his eyes tight as thick ropes of cum shot deep into his throat. As Kakashi relaxed, he pulled his head back, slipping the cock out of his mouth. He swallowed down the salty white liquid before smirking. His rosy pink lips were drenched with saliva, eyes hazy with lust as he gazed up at Kakashi. A chuckle escaped him and he licked his lips. He leaned in and slapped the cock against his cheek, splashing saliva against his face, thin strings kept him connected to the cock whenever he pulled it away before they snapped and disappeared. “You’re still a bit hard…” he commented.

“I… Urm, bedroom?” Kakashi squeaked out as Genma continued to play with his cock like some kid’s toy.

Genma kissed the sloppy tip and nodded. “Bedroom,” he affirmed.

[paradiselostbythedashboardlight]

Quarantine, or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Wrote 430,943 Words of Prose in a Year

As we are coming up terrifyingly fast on a full year of quarantine with no end to the pandemic yet in sight for most people, I’ve been taking some time to reflect on the last year of my existence in a state that most people now refer to as quarantine. Since March of 2020, I, like most other sane people in my country, have stopped traveling, going to stores, seeing all but a limited group of other humans, and begun having recurring nightmares about being in crowds without a piece of cloth over my nose and mouth.

Suffice to say, it has been a bit stressful.

The other thing that I have done since COVID-19 began rapidly spreading across the globe last year is write over 430,943 words of fiction. 

The number seems insane to me still. That is (approximately) one Gone With The Wind, one entire Lord of the Rings series, or the first four Harry Potter books. That is still sadly not yet War and Peace (but who knows… the pandemic isn’t over yet).

So now that I am looking back, I find myself with one question: how did this happen? Why did I do this? What does this mean about my life this year?

Since apparently I answer best by writing a lot, let’s begin at the beginning. Let me tell you a story. I’ll keep it short, I swear.

Part 1: Blast From the Past

In March of 2020, I was still in the midst of an academic semester. There was a long academic document to write and a class to teach. However, as quarantine abruptly robbed me of most of my usual commitments, I was suddenly thrust into the position of having more time on my hands than I knew what to do with. Consequently, I decided to break out the Nintendo Switch I’d gotten for Christmas and revive a childhood interest in video games.

And boy did I. I played the games I owned for all they were worth. I played them during the evenings when I had no social engagements to attend. I played them during the Zoom meetings I was already struggling to pay attention to. By the end of March, I had finished one game, and it had set the wheels turning in my brain.

Here’s a fact about me: I don’t usually tend to write or read a lot of fanfiction about things that I consider really really good. Basically, fanfiction for me has always been an impulse born from incompletion or imperfection. I see no need to add to a perfect story (although I happily consume and create fanart). But for something enjoyable and yet slightly unsatisfying? That’s fanfic territory, bud.

So by April, I had developed a sort of epic fanfiction for this video game I was playing. It was one of those magnum opus kind of ideas, a grand retelling of the story with a huge sprawling plot and Themes (™). 

At first, it was merely a thought experiment that lived only in my head, a sort of entertainment to ponder in the hours before falling asleep. What changed? Well, a friend of mine decided to also write a fanfiction on the same video game and she kindly consented to let me read it.

Suddenly, I was ravenously hungry to read and to write and to share and to consume. I wrote a hundred thousand words of this fanfic in April and into early May, sending each chapter to my friend and being spurred onward by her kind comments. 

The fic became a gargantuan endeavor full of strange little challenges I set for myself. It was a canon-divergence, requiring plotting, worldbuilding, a darker and grimer tone. For some reason, I decided to write each chapter from a different character’s perspective, making the final product into a series of essentially short story character studies which together formed a plot.

By the end of May, the story was published for the world to see. It was well-received, although not particularly popular by fandom standards. And that was the end. I had gotten out my pandemic crazies, the semester was over and now I could move on. I had made my peace with the source material, plumbing all of the little details that I wanted to examine and creating a narrative that I found satisfying.

It was over.

Part 2: Summer Lovin?

Except that it wasn’t.

Confession: as I had been posting my giant fanfiction, I had also begun to explore the fan community itself, mostly curious to see some nice art and gather a bit of demographic info about what was popular within the community. As a result, I found a fanfic recommendations page. Among the recommendations was one author who kept popping up and i finally decided to give the fic a read.

Woah. It was good. Like, really good. Like, professional quality writing and themes that seemed designed to appeal to me. I devoured everything that the creator had posted in a week and then subscribed to eagerly wait for more.

As June rolled around, I realized that I had a problem on my hands. My great big gen masterpiece was finished, but this author had gotten me hooked on something else, something with a nefarious reputation online: shipping.

The term du jour for this seems to be “brain worms” so let’s just say that reading other fanworks had given me some brain worms. Inspired this time not just by the source material of the game, but now the fan community itself, my mind began to develop another idea.

I wrote the fic, about 11k, in a single afternoon of frantic writing. When I finished it, I knew it was one of my strongest pieces. It had just come together, a combination of all the thought that I’d been brewing up and a stylistic execution that just worked with the story I wanted to tell.

I posted it on a new account. Shipping seemed vaguely shameful to me still and my mom reads the other account.

To my surprise, the fic blew up. It got so much more attention than my long fic ever had. Even more significantly, a fan artist actually drew a gorgeous comic of the pivotal scene, completely out of the blue! I was essentially thunderstruck. Honestly, it was probably the first time in my life that I’d ever received so much positive reinforcement from a piece of writing.

While I’d written short stories for undergrad workshops, they’d never been particularly good and I’d never gotten particularly great feedback on them. I’d applied and been rejected by more MFAs and literary magazines than I could count. I’d pretty much resigned myself to writing for an audience of me and me alone (which I don’t mean to sound tragic about, writing for you is great and fun!)

But receiving so much support and praise and feeling like I’d made other people happy or sad or moved? There’s nothing better.

This makes my decision to write another fic for the ship sound vaguely cynical, the action of a person driven by an addiction to praise. I mean, no lie, aren’t we all a little addicted to approval?

But my next fic was another long one, an 80k passion project modern AU that I dreamed up while spending a slow summer alone with my books and only able to leave the house for long rambling walks in the woods. The premise was essentially about characters attending a five year college reunion, something that I myself had missed due to COVID in May of the same year. The fic quickly became a way for me to process thoughts on a lot of topics in my life ranging from relationships to politics to mental health to classical literature.

This fic was also received with far more attention than I was used to and, as a result, I finally joined the notorious Twitter dot com where I found people talking about my fic unprompted, eager to follow me and like my every random thought.

I can’t say that this process was not without its ups and downs. Fandom has changed, in many ways for the better, since my last engagement with it during the 2013 Supernatural days on Tumblr. While fan friendships are often idealized or demonized, they are pretty much like any other human friendship (okay, maybe a little bit more horny on main). There is potential for amazing connection as well as pettiness. But in a year where many people suddenly had no social spaces that were safe anymore, I’m glad that I found a new line of communication with the world.  

So I kept writing fics for the ship, producing a lot of work that I am genuinely proud of and making connections with other people who enjoyed it enough to leave a comment.

To conclude this section, I was in fandom again. While I had not seriously engaged with a fan community since around 2014, I was back with a vengeance. And I had discovered an important truth about what unlocked my ability to write more than I ever had before: community support.

Not simply the kudos and the views. It was the comments. The discourse. The discussion. To add and contribute my thoughts and ideas to a greater network of thoughts and ideas that fed off of one another.

Often I had seen people complain about there not being enough fanworks for particular media or characters. Now I knew the secret. The comments and the community created the works. If I commented on other people’s fics, the more likely they were to write more. I made a resolution I have tried to keep, to comment on any story that I legitimately enjoyed reading, even if I had no particularly intelligent thing to say about it.

Part 3: A Novel Idea

By late October, I had produced a considering oeuvre for my ship of choice and was enjoying slowing my pace as I planned a few future projects.

Remember, though, how I mentioned not having engaged with fandom for the past 5 years? Well, that didn’t mean I hadn’t been writing.

For the past 4 years, I have won NaNoWriMo and completed 4 novels of over 100k each in length. These projects have been massively fun and improved my confidence with executing stories at the scope that I desire.

And so in November 2020, I settled down to write another novel. November is always a sort of terrible time write a novel if you work in academia, but this year, I had more time than usual. I set out to write a comedy fantasy novel, something mostly lighthearted and full of hijinks in order to pretend away some of the quarantine blues (which by this point were well established in my psyche).

This year in particular, I was reminded that writing a novel is… harder than fanfic. That seems like a very obvious point, but I’d written novels before. Suddenly, though, I was realizing how much a novel requires you to set up the world and the characters, while fanfic can be pretty much all payoff all the time.

While the fanfic flowed in wild creative bursts of energy, the novel required diligence of another sort. I wrote 2,000 words every day for two months. It was a grind. Sometimes, it was a slog. 

And sometimes it just wasn't good. The thing about writing your own novels is that the first draft is way more likely to be not good. You’re balancing a lot and it’s easy to let a few balls that you have in the air drop for a chapter or two, with no recourse but to go back and edit later.

I finished the novel by writing a final speedrun of 6k on new years eve, ending my 2020 with another project under my belt. No one has read it. Not even I have reread it.

I’m still glad that I wrote it. I’ll write another one next year. No one will read that one either.

Sometimes, we write for ourselves and no external validation is necessary.

Part 4: Where are they now?

January of 2021 is somehow now behind me, which is terrifying. I’m still writing. Mostly fanfic, although occasionally I go doodle around with some original ideas that are more conceptual sketches for the next novel.

As for the fanfic, I think I still have a few more good ideas left in me, but  I will probably leave it behind before the year is out. That feels a little bittersweet, a sort of temporary burst of fun and friendship that I wonder if I’ll ever experience again.

Coming to the end of this reflection, I suppose I should make a summative statement about what it all means.

In the end, it might not mean a lot. There are some small takeaways. 

It turns out that encouragement makes you write more! Who knew? Also, more free time makes you write more! Wow!!!!

The point that I think this reflection exercise has shown me, the point that I think matters more than any other, is that writing is a way to process my thoughts. Even if it is through the lens of ridiculous video game fanfic or novels about sad wizards, my writing is my way to make sense of my own mind. 

And sharing that is special. If you share it with online strangers, with your family on Christmas Eve, with your close friend who has become even closer and dearer to you since she let you read her work, or just with your mom (the one personal legally required to read your damn novel if you want to share it). To share writing is to give someone a little peek at your beliefs about the world.

And right now? When we’re still isolated and bored and scared and in desperate need of distraction? Binge some TV, play Nintendo, read a book. Take in other people’s thoughts.

But put down your own somewhere as well. It’s a conversation.

And for once, it’s a conversation that doesn’t have to take place on fucking Zoom.

[callunavulgari]

Scrapbook 2021 | Part I

For anyone that’s new to this, this is how I keep track of all of the things I enjoy and/or create throughout the year. I have literally been doing this since I had a livejournal. I think the first one was 2011? Maybe? In which case, woohoo, ten years of scrapbooking!

It’s a nice little snippet of my life and helps to organize my brain.

A reminder:

Normal font - Indifferent/Neutral Italicized font - Enjoyed bold font - Loved with an asterisk* - All time favorite (bracketed titles) - Re-watches/Re-reads strikethough - Disliked

Goals are: read 80 books, finish five video games, write more than 20 fics or something larger than 20k, and write either an original short story or start a novel. 

Past Years

MOVIES

January

(Lord of the Rings: Fellowship of the Ring)

(Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers)

(Lord of the Rings: Return of the King)

Robin Hood

(Hook)

Wolfwalkers

February

(Age of Ultron)

From Up On Poppy Hill

(Tangled)

(Onward)

(The Mummy)

(Hercules)

(Promare)

March

Raya and the Last Dragon

(My Neighbor Totoro)

April

(Hunchback of Notre Dame)

(Tarzan)

(Beauty and the Beast)

Weathering With You

BOOKS

January

A Deadly Education | Naomi Novak [Fin]

Home Body | Rupi Kaur [Fin]

The Sunken Mall | K.D. Edwards [Fin]

Bloom | Kevin Panetta [Fin]

The Angel of Crows | Katherine Addison

All the Stars and Teeth | Adalyn Grace [Fin]

The Adventure Zone: Vol 1 | McElroys & Carey Pietsch [Fin]

I Hope You Stay | Courtney Peppernell [Fin]

Pillow Thoughts | Courtney Peppernell [Fin]

Piraneesi | Susanna Clarke [Fin]

The Ex Talk | Rachel Lynn Solomon [Fin]

February

The Adventure Zone: Vol 2 | McElroys & Carey Pietsch [Fin]

The Adventure Zone: Vol 3 | McElroys & Carey Pietsch [Fin]

The Angel of Crows | Katherine Addison

Alice Isn’t Dead | Joseph Fink

March

Winter’s Orbit | Everina Maxwell [Fin]

Fireheart Tiger | Aliette de Bodard [Fin]

Alice Isn’t Dead | Joseph Fink

Fire | Kristin Cashore [Fin]

Bitterblue | Kristin Cashore [Fin]

The Witch’s Heart | Genevieve Gornichec [Fin]

Winterkeep | Kristin Cashore

April

Alice Isn’t Dead | Joseph Fink [Fin]

Winterkeep | Kristin Cashore [Fin]

The Memory Theater | Karin Tidbeck [Fin]

These Violent Delights | Chloe Gong 

(Red White and Royal Blue | Casey Mcquiston) [Fin]

Rule of Wolves | Leigh Bardugo [Fin]

Alice Isn’t Dead | Joseph Fink [Fin]

Not the Girl You Marry | Andie Christopher [Fin]

The Echo Wife | Sarah Gailey [Fin]

The Midnight Library | Matt Haig

Catherine House | Elisabeth Thomas [Fin]

Séance Tea Party | Reimena Yee [Fin]

Lumberjanes vol 1 | Noelle Stevenson [Fin]

PODCASTS

January

The Unseen, Christmas and New Year Special

The Penumbra Podcast, Juno Steel arc, Heart of It All and What Lies Beyond

The Penumbra Podcast, Second Citadel, Strong Arm of Justice and The Priestess’ Fortune

I Am In Eskew, Episode 16

Welcome to Night Vale, Episode 67, 68, and 69

The Magnus Archives, Episode 190 and 191

February

The Magnus Archives, Episode 192-194

The Adventure Zone, Episodes 15-60

March

The Magnus Archives, Episode 194-200 [Fin]

The Adventure Zone, Episodes 60-TAZ BALANCE ENDING

MBMBAM, Episode 1

I Am In Eskew, Episode 17-22

April

I Am In Eskew, Episode 23-END

Alice Isn’t Dead, Episode 18-END

TV SHOWS BY SEASON

January

His Dark Materials, s2 [Fin]

Watcher Entertainment

Buzzfeed Worth It

(Black Sails, s1)

The Queen’s Gambit**

February

Cherry Magic

Wandavision, s1

Watcher Entertainment

The Owl House

(Little Witch Academia)

Star vs the Forces of Evil, s3, s4

Bridgerton

Buzzfeed Unsolved: True Crime

Heaven’s Official Blessing

March

Wandavision, s1 [Fin]

Watcher Entertainment, Puppet History & Watcher Weekly

Falcon and the Winter Soldier

Word of Honor

April

Word of Honor, s1

Watcher Entertainment, Puppet History

Falcon and the Winter Soldier, s1

Kim’s Convenience, s1, 2, 3, 4

Leverage, s4

Shadow and Bone, s1

The Great, s1

VIDEO GAMES

January

Hades, 37 hours [Fin]

Assassin’s Creed: Valhalla, 35 hours

February

Assassin’s Creed: Valhalla, 35 hours

Hades, 75+ hours? 

Animal Crossing: New Horizons, 16 hours

Persona 5 Royal

March

Animal Crossing: New Horizons, 45 hours

Persona 5 Royal, 141 hours

Assassin’s Creed: Valhalla, 35 hours

Concrete Genie, 3 hours

April

Concrete Genie, 6 hours [Fin]

Animal Crossing: New Horizons, 65 hours

Persona 5 Royal, 160 hours

Monster Hunter Rise, 2 hours

Civ, 5 hours

DELIGHTFUL FIC

January

Modern Rustic by beethechange | Buzzfeed Unsolved | Ryan/Shane | 22k | “I think,” he says, finally, “that if we looked around this place hard enough, we’d find a rose underneath a—a glass thing, what’s it called—losing petals. Metaphorically.”

easy livin' by sarcasticfishes | Buzzfeed Unsolved (Fallout AU) | Ryan/Shane | 6k | The Wasteland - and Ryan - through Shane's eyes.

(in nocte consiliam by oxymoronic | Bartimaeus | Bartimaeus/Nathaniel | 4k | London, 2003. Britain is on the brink of war, and someone is trying rather hard to kill John Mandrake.)

made of glass the way you see through me by uneventfulhouses | Buzzfeed Unsolved | Ryan/Shane | 19k | Will it always be like this? Ryan wonders, watching Shane lope up the snowy walkway and pushing his way through the front door, humming some jolly old tune in that way Shane’s prone to do. Theatrical, performing for an audience even though Ryan is the only one around.

All Your Stars In View by alpha_exodus | Harry Potter | Draco/Harry | 18k | Life after the war is difficult for Harry, especially when the only thing that makes him feel better is, oddly enough, being around Malfoy. So when Malfoy asks to paint his portrait, Harry can't refuse, even if it means baring himself in more ways than one.

13 Genuinely Awful Things About Steven by thefourthvine | Buzzfeed Worth It | Steven/Andrew | 10k | Andrew’s learned to like cake, he’s learned to like oysters, and he’s learned to like Steven.

we’ll make a brand new start of it (in old new york) by misantlery | Buzzfeed Worth It | Steven/Andrew | 10k | “Just to be clear,” Andrew says. “You want me to pretend to be your boyfriend at a party to spite your high school bully and your high school girlfriend and possibly the entire state of Ohio?”

Russian Roulette Croquembouche by misantlery | Buzzfeed Worth It | Andrew/Steven | 9k | “Get that on your business card,” Andrew advises. “Steven Lim, video producer, world traveler, fancy dessert boy. Human cream puff.”

rose-colored boy by juniperProse | Buzzfeed Worth It | Steven/Andrew | 2k | Andrew’s eyes are pink.

Like Wildfire by makemadej | Watcher Entertainment | Shane/Ryan | 20k | “Is this gonna be a thing with you?” Ryan demands. “You can’t keep committing to stuff that no one else knows about! When people online say they want you to be more open and vulnerable, this is not what they mean.”

Scratching the Itch by bendingsignpost | Doctor Who | Rose/Ten | 20k | Her mum had always told her that blokes had only one thing on their minds, but this was taking it to an entirely new level.

lie back and let me unlock you by Lise | The Untamed | Xiao Xingchen/Xue Yang | 7k | Xiao Xingchen, reluctantly, admits to certain fantasies that he has. His friend is happy to indulge him.

in our respective ways by Lise | The Untamed | Jiang Cheng & Lan Wangji | 6k | Jiang Cheng has his golden core back. But he seems to have lost Wei Wuxian.

By Proxy by Lise | The Untamed | Jiang Cheng/Lan Wangji | 12k | Jiang Cheng and Lan Wangji, looking for comfort in all the wrong places.

some good mistakes by Lise | The Untamed | Jiang Cheng & Lan Wangji | 18k |  Or, the one where Wei Wuxian vanishes and Lan Wangji, reluctantly, asks for Jiang Cheng's help tracking him down.

efforts in a common cause by Lise | The Untamed | Xiao Xingchen/Xue Yang/Song Lan | 12k | Everybody's walked out of Yi City alive. Now it's just three badly adjusted adults (and one badly adjusted teenager) trying to make things work - a project somewhat derailed by a night hunt that turns out to be something else.

swinger of birches by astronicht | The Untamed | Lan Wangji/Wei Wuxian | 23k | Lan Zhan is a little witch in the house on the hill, whispering out a love curse. Wei Ying is a witch undead, undone.

let me desecrate you by hkafterdark | The Untamed | Lan Wangji/Wei Wuxian | 6k | “Dangerous words.” Wei Wuxian drew back. The flickering candlelight gave him an otherworldly appearance; that, and his beauty, unchanged since the first time Lan Wangji had seen him. “You aren’t afraid to be at the mercy of the fearsome Yiling laozu?”

The Demon Affair by stereobone | Yu Yu Hakusho | Hiei/Kurama | 9k | Kurama accidentally seduces Hiei into a relationship.

i came to win (and i won) by paperclipbitch | The Queen’s Gambit | Beth/Benny | 3k | They play chess, and they fuck.The two things are not the same.

February

Sylvain Gautier Would Love To Try To Solve All Your Problems Through Sex (Hey It Might Help) by Fall Out Boy by harriet_vane | Fire Emblem: Three Houses | Sylvain/Felix | 22k | In which Sylvain wakes up on the wrong tour bus, and refuses to be their sex therapist (unless Felix asks nicely)

Turnabout and Start Again by runningondreams | The Untamed | Wei Wuxian/Lan Wangji | 34k | WIP | Wei Wuxian lives. The siege fails.Thirteen years later, Lan Wangji wakes in a body that is not his own.

μήτηρ, in the Greek by antistar_e (kaikamahine) | Hades | Nyx & Persephone, canon relationships | 37k | At the end of this recounting, she tilted her head and asked politely, Is this not how you have children?Uh, no, said Persephone.

that voodoo that you do so well by veterization | Buzzfeed Unsolved | Ryan/Shane | 18k |  Ryan buys a voodoo potion oil at Voodoo Authentica meant to attract Yummy Boys. Appropriately, things happen.

A Bridge Between by Runespoor | Spirited Away | Gen | 3k | Years later, Chihiro moves into a new apartment; her parents help.

the ghost king's bride by arahir | Tian Guan Ci Fu | Hua Cheng/Xie Lian | 10k | Ghosts won't stop giving Xie Lian flowers, Hua Cheng won't stop teasing, and Xie Lian is out here doing his best, man.

Side bitch out of your league by rohkeutta | Captain America | Steve/Bucky | 3k | “I tried to call Sam,” Captain America says, bewildered. He’s sprinting like Usain Bolt and doesn’t sound even a little out of breath. Fucker. “Who’re you?”

cause in your warmth (I forget how cold it can be) by madnessandbrilliance | Promare | Lio/Galo | 7k | Lio is always freezing. Galo is always warm. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out the rest.

backdraft by broments | Promare | Lio/Galo | 32k | It happens in an instant, Galo gaping like an idiot while Lio presses forward to defend against the perceived threat, the weapon sparkling but not burning as it kisses Galo's throat.

your perfect crime (& how you laugh when you lie) by aroceu | The Untamed | Lan Zhan/Wei Wuxian | Death Note AU | 8k | The first time a convicted murderer dies of a heart attack in their jail cell, no one thinks anything of it.

Yosuke will now die for you! by DragonBandit | Persona 4 | Yosuke/Souji | 5k | ...This, causes problems.

dramamine by brawlite | The Untamed | Song Lan/Xue Yang | 7k | Song Lan is having a bad morning. Help comes from the last person he'd expect: Xue Yang.

Hearth and Home by lady_ragnell | Leverage | Alec/Eliot/Parker | 1k | When Eliot goes to a temple, or when he’s in one place long enough to build a shrine, he doesn’t do it for Ares. He does it for Hestia.

Where One Ends and the Other Begins by kalliopeia | Leverage | Alec/Parker/Eliot | 30k | Nobody’s particularly shocked when the job goes spectacularly sideways because their loot turns out to be magic. Parker and Eliot begin reading each other’s minds, accidental sharing happens, and shenanigans result.

Hungry Thirsty Roots by coolkidroland | Persona 5 | Akechi/Akira | 56k | In which Akira absolutely does not learn to leave well enough alone. **

Without Grasping Yet by Angelic_Ascent | Persona 5 | Akechi/Akira | 8k | Akechi and Akira end up far too cramped for comfort in the Morgana bus. And then they're left alone in Mementos.

Falling Up by KivaEmber | Persona 5 | Akechi/Akira | 2k | “If it helps…” Akira spoke up suddenly, his tone morbidly amused, “I forgive you, for shooting me in the face.”

March

Touch of Forbidden by tirsynni | LoZ | Ganondorf/Link | 2k |  Nabooru warned him not to travel to the Spirit Temple. So of course Link went to the Spirit Temple.

breaking the same old heart by tardigradeschool | The Adventure Zone | Magnus/Taako | 11k | Taako and Magnus in triptych: before, during, and after the Bureau.**

your head is good, it’s loyal, it’s clean by Anonymous | TAZ | Magnus/Taako | 4k | "Here, I do this all the time."Too quickly for him to react, Taako plucks away one of his golden rings and slips it onto the ring finger of Magnus' left hand.

bruising kisses, whispered confessions by tangerine_skye | TAZ | Magnus/Taako | 3k | The trio stop over at an inn for the night. Taako and Magnus share a bed.

i can see what's coming (but i'm not saying it) by pansywaist | TAZ | Magnus/Taako | 3k | His breath is still hot on Taako's lips, distracting enough he almost misses the strained whisper: “I thought I was gonna lose you.”

Emergency Consolation in the Pocket Spa by Anonymous | TAZ | Magnus/Taako | 3k | If Magnus wants to hug a wizard, Magnus gets to hug a wizard.

together for the long haul by kismetNemesis | TAZ | Magnus/Taako | 6k | Magnus and Taako were married on a bright spring day in the year after they saved the world.

thin skin, bruises, and a cold cup of tea by GayFrankensteinsMonster | TAZ | Magnus/Taako | 3k | Sleep is for the weak, and Magnus has no weaknesses, except for his own natural curiosity.

tender is the night by dollylux | TAZ | Magnus/Taako | 10k |  “It’s just…” He runs a hand through the thick bramble of his hair, gripping the crown of it to anchor himself. He sighs, slumping back against the footboard. “I guess I’m just not very good at one on one. Like, not… not in any way.”

a note is attached to the top of the vial by GayFrankensteinsMonster | TAZ | Kravitz/Taako, Magnus/Taako | 5k |  Elves have a lifespan of up to six hundred years. The people that you know don't even come close to that.

Pieces of Memory and Heart by ellemaris | Raya and the Last Dragon | Raya/Namaari | 1k | Raya isn't sure how to heal everything between Heart and Fang, but returning something important to Namaari seems like a start.

the gods laugh by miss_aphelion | The Untamed | Wei Wuxian/Lan Wangji | 11k+ | WIP | Wei Wuxian is just getting used to being alive again when he's ripped from the world he knows. He wakes in a place where his sister and her husband live, where his brother doesn't hate him, where the Wen remnants have all survived.

In Your Room, In Your Bed by giraffeter | The Untamed | Wei Wuxian/Lan Wangji/Jiang Cheng | 25k | After Wei Ying is disowned, Yu Ziyuan forbids Jiang Cheng from letting Wei Ying live with him. Jiang Cheng lets him stay anyway because Fuck That. He tells his parents Lan Zhan is his new roommate instead.

in the blossom season (in the pouring rain) by varnes | The Untamed | Wei Wuxian/Lan Wangji | 14k |  “Doctor Flowers,” Lan Zhan repeats, pointing at the tiny plum tree, just to confirm that his son is suggesting a magical tree named Doctor Flowers sprouted overnight and made their tame family project turn into a verdant jungle.

34 years old - 5'8" - DL - no-BB by withpractice_ff | Ace Attorney | Edgeworth/Phoenix | 3k | Phoenix finds Edgeworth’s Grindr profile

spinning with the stars above by tardigradeschool | The Untamed | Wei Wuxian/Lan Wangji | 7k | Wangji returns home to Vulcan for the first time since he left for Starfleet Academy, this time with Wei Ying at his side. He’s not expecting Wei Ying and his uncle to be fast friends, but things go poorly in a very different way than he was expecting.

every breath that comes before by tardigradeschool | The Untamed | Lan Wangji/Wei Wuxian | 10k | Or, what if that cup of wine Wei Wuxian drank for Lan Wangji after the Phoenix Mountain hunt wasn't just wine?

never love an anchor by tardigradeschool | Wei Wuxian/Lan Wangji | 31k | A fisherman and a selkie fall in love beside the sea. Regretfully, things are never quite that simple.

Be Careful by giraffeter | The Untamed | Song Lan/Xue Yang | 5k |  Song Lan and Xue Yang try to survive a week in their shared apartment without Xiao Xingchen as a buffer.

  won't you let me know you now by tardigradeschool | The Untamed | Lan Wangji/Wei Wuxian | 12k | WIP | “Have you ever heard of a mind meld?” Wangji keeps his voice as level as possible, as if he is not revealing foremost Vulcan secrets.

April

running for a soft place to fall by tardigradeschool | The Untamed | Lan Xichen & Lan Wangji | 10k |  As he leaves for his coming of age test at age twelve, half-Vulcan Xichen has a goal in mind. The rules of the kahs-wan prohibit taking food, water, or weapons. In accordance, Xichen is bringing none of those things, but he does have a compass tucked into his pocket. He is going to find his father.

an act too often neglected by Ariaste | The Untamed | Lan Xichen/Meng Yao | 60k | The single faceless, anonymous photograph on the profile that catches his eye is shot in elegant black-and-white, and there’s something about the crispness of the focus and the markedly off-center composition that says art, for once, rather than mugshot.The caption below is equally sparse: “5’6. Demanding.”

where you go, I'm going (so jump and I'm jumping) by Aria | The Magnus Archives | Martin/Jonathan | 6k | "I don't think so," Alex said. She looked at Martin. "Is this really how it went?"

Morning, keep the streets empty for me by feyburner | The Untamed | Lan Wangji/Wei Wuxian | 6k | Ghosts were drawn to the ring roads.

2am on a saturday by detectorist | The Untamed | Lan Wangji/Wei Wuxian | 11k | In which Lan Zhan gets high, slides into Wei Ying's DMs, and somehow ends up having the harmonica played to him at 2am in the morning.

Grief Kindly Stopped by ShanaStoryteller | The Untamed | Lan Wangji/Wei Wuxian | 5k | Nothing leaves the Burial Mounds alive.

superhero love triangle by Asuka Kureru (Askerian) | Bleach?! | Grimmjow/Ichigo | WIP | 17k | You know those classical superhero-genre love triangles that actually only contain two people? Yeah.

Boat Basin by downjune | The Falcon and the Winter Soldier | 5k |  He thought the 21st century now maybe suffered from an overabundance of classifications for all the different ways to fuck and/or romance a person, but the most important thing—and his therapist had emphasized this—the most important thing was connection.

my touch magnifies by isozyme | Word of Honor | Wen Kexing/Zhou Zishu/Ye Baiyi | 7k | Wen Kexing gets hit with fuck-or-die sex pollen on the way to Longyuan cabinet. Everything would be fine, except Zhou Zishu’s been keeping an unfortunate secret: the nails in his chest mean he can’t get hard anymore.

DELIGHTFUL FANVIDS

January

2020 || Multifandom Mashup

Hades - Official Animated Trailer

Hades Mini-PMV: This Year

2020, I guess

MARVEL || Energy (ft. Easy McCoy + Black Hydra)

obi-wan || give it

2020 ll Multifandom Mashup

Multifandom | Goodbye 2020

Multifandom | Goodbye 2018

2018 Multifandom | MASHUP

His Dark Materials - No Sanctuary

Lyra & Mrs. Coulter | Hurricane

► mrs. coulter || way down we go [hdm]

Wonder Woman || BORN READY 

Vikings | The End of the Journey

February

MARVEL || Ready Set (ft. Vo Williams)

MARVEL || Here We Go (ft. Chris Classic)

MARVEL || Is You Ready || The Falcon and the Winter Soldier

Never forget || Hualian - Hua Cheng x Xie Lian AMV 

【魔道祖师 / MDZS】Animatic - The First Siege | Safe & Sound

The Jedi Way | THE MANDALORIAN

Multifandom || Going Bad (feat. Drake)

March

Broccolli Casserole--The Untamed

Hey Brother - The Adventure Zone Animatic/PMV

The Adventure Zone: Balance trailer

The Adventure Zone: Balance Arc Trailer (Animatic)

13 Year Olds (A MDZS Animatic by Arcxus)

Multifandom || Die In This Town

DNA | shadow & bone

(Marvel) Wanda Maximoff | Grief

Defying Gravity | MDZS/CQL Animatic

It’s Quiet Uptown | MDZS Animatic

To The Stars

(Marvel) WandaVision || Awaken

Walt Disney Animation Studios | A Magical Journey

We don't have forever.

stop living a fake life.

► Wanda Maximoff | PAINT IT BLACK (+15k)

Multifandom || Take It (c/w Quang Truong) ft. @SEIGE WORLD​

Kylo Ren | STAR WARS

The Lord of the Rings Trilogy

April

MARVEL || Natural ft.ImagineDragons

​ xue yang & xiao xingchen ➤ gasoline

WEN KEXING || GASOLINE

Wen Kexing ✘ Zhou Zishu || Dandelions

Play With Fire - Wen Kexing

TOXIC ~ Wen Kexing ~ word of honor ~ 山河令

(Marvel) Bucky Barnes | Free

Bucky Barnes | Feeling Good

The Falcon and the Winter Soldier || Next Level ft. @7kingZ​ || (Marvel)

Eternity looking down on us.

The complexity of reality.

Captain America

✗ The Crows | Trouble (Shadow&Bone)

Shadow & Bone | Paint It Black

The secret fate of all life.

DELIGHTFUL MUSIC

January

A Better Version - Jessie Shelton

Start a War - Klergy, Valerie Broussard

Meet Me in the Dark - Melissa Etheridge

ily - Surf Mesa, Emilee

Space Man - Eurielle

To Be Loved - Aurora

In the Blood - Darren Korb

Can’t Help Falling in Love - Tommee Profitt

Astronomical - SVRCINA

Oh Comely - Neutral Milk Hotel

In This Shirt - The Irrepressibles

goblincore + cottagecore

moonlit love letters 🌙💌 (sailor moon-inspired lofi mix)

Moonlight Densetsu Lo-Fi Remix 1 hour version

Peaceful Meditation

February

Never Forget You - Zara Larsson

Is You Ready - Migros

Recomposed Four Seasons - Max Richter

The End - JPOLND

Love Yourself - Sufjan Stevens

Deja | Daniel Roure

Used To Like | Neon Trees

Material Boy - Sir Sly

Willow - Taylor Swift

Overture - Apashe

Evangeline - Josh Garrels

Gris, pt 1 - Berlinist

Inferno - Hiroyuki Sawano

March

BAMBAM - Angie

Dictator - Rei Ami

Demons - Hayley Kiyoko

Runaway - Rei Ami

Deep Blue - Marcus Warner

Brave New World - Kalandra

Nero - The Speed

The Path of Silence - Anne Sophie Versnaeyen

Tuleloits - Kerli

Soft to Be Strong - Marina

Relic - Reeder

Ascension - Gorillaz

Will You Follow Me Into the Dark - Klergy

Voidfish (Plural) - Rachel Mitchell

Raya and the Last Dragon soundtrack

Unicorn Wizard - Ninja Sex Party

Me Too - Meghan Trainor

Umbrella - Rihanna

Colors Flying High - Lollia

Wake Up, Get Up, Get Out There - Lyn

lovely - khalid

Burn My Dread - Lotus Juice

Progress - The Dear Hunter

My Mother Told Me - Rachel Hardy

Savage Daughter - Sarah Ross

Four - Sleeping At Last

April

The Other Side - Amarante

Predator & Prey - Griffin Puatu

As the World Caves In -Matt Maltese

Tell Her I Wasn’t Scared - Dan Thiessen

Esmeralda - Adriel Genet

Woods - AfterInfinity

So Human of You - Shireen

Flags of Rome - Jesper Kyd

Do It All the Time - I don’t Know How But They Found Me

Hummingbirds - Venus Hum

On and On - Curtis Harding

Grand Escape - RADWIMPS

my ex’s best friend - machine gun kelly

Sofia - Clairo 

Girls Just Wanna Have Fun - Charlotte Lawrence

Next Level - 7KingZ

Tell Me - Johnny Jewel

Get Out of Town - Firefles

Music for Anglo Saxes

I See Darkness In You - Red Mecca

Satan Is His Name - Holly Golightly

Rocky Trail - Kings of Convenience

Story - NF

Because the Night - 10,000 Maniacs

Use to Be (L.O.V.E.) - Chelsea Collins

Bird on a Wire - Simone Istwa

Huzzah - Nathan Barr

POSTED FIC

January

gonna make you feel, boy | Hades | Megaera/Thanatos/Zagreus | 1,101 words | “You can touch, you know,” she murmurs, satisfaction and anticipation warring within her. Her pulse pounds. Zagreus’s eyes have darkened, his pupils eating up all that color. He looks good enough to eat.

February

how long do we have? | She Ra | Adora/Catra | 1,539 words | “The war is over, Adora,” Catra tells her. Adora hums. “Maybe. Maybe not.”

March

only fools rush in | The Adventure Zone | Taako/Magnus | 5,209 words | “Okay,” Taako says, sitting down heavily. “So. Ancient ritual to… bring people together?”

til my lungs both billow out | The Magnus Archives | Jon/Martin | 748 words | The knife goes in. The tape runs out.

the echo, as wide as the equator | The Untamed | Lan Wangji/Wei Wuxian | 2,927 words |  “Lan Zhan,” Wei Ying whispers after it is done.

April

N/A

WIPS | UNPUBLISHED | ORIGINAL

January

1685 words of Buzzfeed Unsolved, tattoo AU

February

N/A

March

3121 words of Magnus/Taako, Stolen Century verse Posted!

April

852 words of Steve/Billy

FANMIXES/GRAPHICS

January

got the morbs: sad/somber songs for sad/somber people

2021: a mix for the year that comes after 2020

Sahara Baby: a mix for songs that sound like Spanish Sahara

Fire Baby: a mix for songs that sound like Play With Fire

Consequences Baby: a mix for songs that sound like Consequences

Paradise Baby: a mix for songs that sound like Paradise Valley

Real Boy: a Zagreus playlist

February

N/A

March

only fools rush in: a taako/magnus playlist

pomegranate seeds: a persephone playlist

make them bow: a megaera playlist

fuck feelings: a taako playlist

til my lungs both billow out: a jonmartin playlist

April

i am my mother’s savage daughter: a playlist for the girl

[nohriantomatoes]

I don't know if you reblogged these questions yet. But I sent them to you so you know about them lol. For the shipping-fandom question meme thing can you answer.... 2, 9, 18, 19, 27, 29, 31 and 34. Ok know it's a lot but I'm curious lol.

2- what was your first or original ship/OTP.

Naruto x Sasuke! i even genderbent this ship when i was still super religious bc i was afraid of going to hell over liking it, but their chemistry is infutable. Sasuke is a home of sexual and Naruto is bi and they should have ended up together ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

9- what drew you to your favorite ship (leokumi)

i'm a huge fan of the 'bickering idiots to lovers' trope, regardless if the idiots are supposed to be allies or enemies or whatever. The fact that Leo and Takumi are so at odds with each other only to work past that and find friendship and love is just Something Else and it is a good hook.

18- what fandom are you embarrassed to admit you like

Hetalia!! I got into it back before I knew how apologetic it was to the Axis Powers. While I do think some of the hate for it goes a little too far, as the series has moved on from its shitty start, it’s still a fairly shallow piece of media. The fandom was either really bad or really good, and I like to think I was lucky enough to avoid the really bad parts.

19- what ship/ships can you absolutely not stand

Anything that’s like.... pseudo-incest. A big pair in Hetalia is US/UK, which in my mind is akin to a big brother/father figure dating his son, regardless of the fact that no Nations are actually related in this universe. Corrin x Royals is another I thought I could like but can’t stand.

27- what's your favorite fanfic trope

Ughghgh I’m bad at picking favorites. Um... I really like cheesey romantic things. The whole ‘bro there’s only one bed. Guess I’m sleeping on the floor. Unless.......?’ Meme that’s going around now is basically all my dumb favorite tropes on how to get two idiots together.

29- what's your favorite fanfic au/setting

To be lazy- modern/college!au. Even when I was in high school I wanted to write college au’s bc they seemed more free and fun than both canon and a high school setting, and its stuck. I am a super fan of high fantasy settings tho!

31- how many hours a day do you spend looking at fanfic/fanart/media

Ehh it’s way less at this point in my life but that’s bc I’ve read all the leokumi fics on AO3 😅. I used to spend like 3-4 hours a night just looking for art and stories but now I usually don’t go searching but once a week.

34- if you could own one authentic item from your favorite fandom world, what would it be?

I want that cloak Takumi wears around his waist into battle. It looks hella comfortable and warm.

[agent-nemesis]

2018 writing year in review

It’s been a year! I’ve had family visiting for the last week (they are still here), so I haven’t had much time to sit down and actually a breath. So here I am in the morning of January 1st, 2019.

Last year, I did a year in review post, so I’ll do the same this time, and keep the same format. 2018 was marred by a lot of work stress, crisis of confidence, and other bad things. I had a lot of migraines, which wiped out a lot of my free time, and my writing suffered as a result. I had rather ambitious goals earlier in the year in both writing and lifestyle, but the migraines were a big wall that I hit. It’s been vaguely better now.

Onto the writing!

Fanfic

Mostly kylux on the menu, with a single reylux fic and a reader insert.

Special Duty - A response to a crack prompt for Kylo Ren/reader lactation post-TLJ. Currently, it’s at 69 kudos. Nice. 1.4k

Be Careful What You Covet - Hux gets turned on by Ren’s TIE Silencer. A prompt fill. 750 words

Nearly Missed - For the kylux Valentine’s day fic exchange. Modern AU. I really like how this one turned out. 7.2k

Closer - Keeping him close in case of sudden yet inevitable betrayal! 2.3k

If You Want Something Done, Do It Yourself - Autofellatio prompt fill and collab with @creepycreepyspacewizard who drew some lovely art! 1.5k

What To Expect When You're Not Expecting - My first foray into writing reylux for a fic exchange. Features a/b/o. 4.7k

An Exquisite Smoothness - A Baldo Ren crackfic. 666 words

A Little Reverence - Fiery. Mind the tags. 1.9k

Romp - They fight. Then fuck. Started in 2017, dropped for a while, then finally finished it. 1.8k

Shrapnel - TLJ triggered my angst feelings, so I had to let it all out. 12.2k

Coin-Operated Boy - Shrug emoji! Mind the tags. 1.8k

Get Physical - My kylux big bang fic! A collab with @kyloknightofhux who did the art. 9.8k

On Chandrila, You Can Have Any Delicacy You Want - Lactation maid cafe WIP. 12.2k so far

The Many Adventures of Hux - What if Hux wrote shitty fanfic about himself? WIP. 1.6k so far

I wrote a bunch of Haikus for niche kink November! Unfortunately, I didn’t finish the last few days.

Art

I drew some art for Niche Kink November (or was it kinktober?). It’s probably been flagged and hidden away, and I can’t be bothered digging it up. They were all quick sketches.

Originals

I finished the first draft of my novel! It’s a BDSM high school romance written for @carnationbooks! It’s going through editing at the moment, after some hiccups. It should be out early this year (I hope!!).

I wrote a short story about an AI slowly gaining sentience. I submitted it to a few places, but it got rejected, so I’m going to tweak it.

I *still* need to do another draft of a short story I wrote in 2017 (gasp). Not enough time!!

I started working on a historical fantasy collab with my husband. We’re on chapter 2. He does most of the world-building and I do most of the writing. If anyone wants to beta (just for very general feedback at this stage), then let me know!

All in all...

I’ve written more fanfic this year than last year, which surprises me. I felt like garbage so much of the year, but I somehow pulled through and wrote stuff?? On top of that, I wrote around 35k of original stuff.

Some ao3 stats:

Total fic word count: 59799

Top 3 fics of the year by hits: Shrapnel, A Little Reverence, Coin-Operated Boy (you guys always go for the depraved stuff, hehe)

Top 3 fics of the year by kudos: Shrapnel, Closer, If You Want Something Done

Top 3 by comments: On Chandrila, Shrapnel, Many Adventures of Hux

Top 3 by bookmarks: Shrapnel, Closer, If You Want Something Done

I’m surprised that Shrapnel won out! I never wrote angst before, so I’m quite proud of this!

I want to give a huge thanks to all my readers! Your encouragement means a lot to me and I appreciate it endlessly. I wouldn’t have the confidence to keep writing if it weren’t for you guys.

[jinterlude]

Our Second Chance (Ch.3)

↳Story Header © @softjeon (do not steal this header!)

➳ Pairing: Kim Seokjin x Female OC

➳ Genre(s): Modern!AU, Royalty!AU, Modern Royal Family!AU , Enemies turned Lovers, Friendship, Humor, Romance, & Angst

➳ Words: 5.3K

➳ Summary: Have you ever gotten that familiar feeling when you first see someone? That strange connection between yourselves even though you have no clue where that came from. Yeah…that was the sensation that Sumin felt on a daily basis ever since she has come face-to-face with the one and only Kim Seokjin. Despite being named after their ancestors, two people who were madly in love with each other, these two cannot stand to be in each other’s presence. However, that must change or else history will repeat itself. Sounds like an adventure, right?

※ Previously: ch.1 | ch.2

※ Next time: ch.4 | ch.5 | ch.6 | ch.7 | coming soon!

Chapter 3 – You Scratch My Back. I’ll Scratch Yours.

Previously

Seokjin watched her fleeing body with curiosity. He became incredibly confused as to why the stubborn princess suddenly ran away after he explained how he got the painting.

         “What a strange woman…” He thought with an amused yet faint smile.

Minutes later, he snapped back to reality and walked back to his desk. As he picked up the documents, he carelessly tossed onto his desk, and tried to focus on preparing for his meeting. The meeting that he had been over a few hours late. Thankfully, his meetings would never officially commence until he instructed his receptionist an official notice.

His eyes scanned the same line over and over. Why was his mind in jumbles still?

More importantly…

Why did his heart suddenly feel off? Like it felt empty the moment Sumin rushed out. It was if his mind was longing for her presence again.

Seokjin shook that thought away instantly and went back to work.

Yet the image of her beautiful face would forever be etched in his mind.

         “What an interesting day, Kim Seokjin…what an interesting day…”

Unfortunately, Sumin did not share the same sentiments. The moment she exited his office, her phone vibrated uncontrollably. She walked further along the corridor before digging out her smartphone. She held her index finger to the reader and unlocked the device.

Her eyes nearly popped out as she homed in on the 100+ notifications. Why were there so many messages? More importantly—why were a majority of them from her parents?

Wait…

Oh no…

Sumin ignored the messages and instantly dialed her mother’s number. A heavy sigh exited through her nostrils as she tried her best to calm down. The last thing she wanted was to blow up in front of Seokjin’s workers; thus, solidifying his suspicion on her being this easily-tempered princess.

The phone rang and rang until it eventually went to voicemail. Sumin puffed out her cheeks before pulling away the smartphone and locking it again. She then shoved it back in her purse and continued her tiny journey towards the entrance.

Her mother was going to hear a mouthful from her the next time she sees her…

Soft whispers of the wind brushed through the locks of hair. The familiar scent of salty air invaded the nostrils, creating this calming aura all around. Trillions of stars twinkled in the night sky as it surrounded the ever so luminescent full moon, acting as its bodyguard. The waves repeatedly crashed against the cliff as an unknown woman stared longingly out to the vast sea.

Sumin squinted her eyes, hoping to catch a better look at the woman.

         “Hello?” She called out, scrunching the hem of her dress and taking the first step towards the stranger.

Chilling sensations entered through the pads of her feet as Sumin was not prepared to handle the damp rocks, however, she strolled on, desperate to uncover the mystery that was the woman who simply gazed out to the ocean.

         “Excuse me!” Sumin shouted once more as the gap between them shrunk with each movement.  

         “Have you seen my love?” asked the woman; her voice laced with desperation and sadness.

Sumin stopped in her tracks, unprepared for her sudden question. Her brows knitted together as her muddled brain managed to recognize the familiar tone of voice. However, she decided to not say anything as her top most priority would always be to help the people in need.

She resumed her steps until she was practically right behind her. The unknown woman could feel Sumin’s breath on the back of her neck if she wanted. That’s how close Sumin was yet for some strange reason, Sumin could not move away. Something drew her in towards the woman.

         “I’m sorry?” Sumin questioned, wanting a more detailed question from the woman.

         “My love. It has been quite some time since I last saw him. Please. Tell me that you have seen my one true love lingering around the castle grounds… There is something that I must confess to him…” The woman said.

Sumin could not see her face, but she could tell the woman was on the verge of tears. Oh God… Sumin hoped that she would not become like her if she were to fall in love. Love was both a scary yet beautiful emotion.

As she was about to answer, the woman slowly turned, revealing bits of her face, and just as Sumin registered who the face was, she suddenly felt her body being touched. She felt something blanket over her, which was rather odd since she was standing and fully awake.

Unless…

         “You have to be quick. While my daughter is quite the heavy sleeper, she does have her moments where she wakes quickly if disturbed.” A voice warned, alarming Sumin and causing the foreign woman to vanish from her sight.

         “Wait come back!” Sumin shouted, jolting awake and causing the unknown piece of fabric to fall from her body.

Sumin’s mother eyed her with nothing but pure concern, forgetting that she had been measuring Sumin for her future wedding gown.

         “What’s wrong, Sumin?” The queen asked, placing a warm hand on top of hers.

Sumin shook her head and told her mother that it was nothing. She further added that it was just a questionable dream. As she talked her to her mother, her eyes trailed down, noticing a piece of ivory cloth covering her navy-blue comforter.

Sumin slowly grabbed the cloth, letting out an angry sigh. She stared at the fabric and demanded her mother to explain what she had been doing to her while she slumbered.

         “I was just getting a head start on your wedding dress, my precious daughter. Besides, the deadline that your father had stated is soon approaching, so I thought why not,” The queen smiled sweetly at Sumin, “There has been little to no progress between you and that Seokjin fella, and Namjoon is more than a suitable husband for you. You just need to accept it and learn to love him. After all, all great relationships start off with a wonderful friendship.” The queen finished her speech before exiting Sumin’s room with the seamstress trailing behind.

Sumin nearly gagged at the thought of marrying Namjoon. Yes, he had been nothing but a true friend to her, but again, that was it. He was only her dear friend, and there was no way in Hell that she would ever see him in a romantic light.

Letting out a strong huff, Sumin flopped back on her bed; her head lightly landed on the fluffy pillow. She then grabbed her comforter and covered her entire body, her face included.

She closed her eyes and hoped to drift back to dreamland. Sumin was dying to know who the face was, and why the woman looked so familiar to her. More importantly, why had she been having that recurring dream ever since her face-to-face meeting with Seokjin? Ever since that day, Sumin could not shake off this feeling of complete desire. The need for him to hold her nice and close against his broad chest. His hands firmly anchored on her hips; his touch ignited a strange sensation throughout her entire body as he stared at her with nothing but pure love. God, just the mere thought of his fingers softly grazing her delicate skin sent her mind into a frenzy.

It honestly did not help that she had the image of his handsome face, particularly his gorgeous mouth, etched in her brain. That mouth of his was the center of some fantasies that left Sumin satisfied at the end of her self-pleasuring…

As her body and mind slowly succumbed to thoughts of Seokjin ravishing her neck with his plump, addicting lips, a buzzing sound invaded her ears and interrupted the mood. At first, she ignored it but then it got too noticeable. She sighed yet again and uncovered her face. She reached for her phone, that’s currently attached to her charger cable, and detached it.

Unbothered to check the caller-id, Sumin answered the call. Her breath instantly hitched the moment she heard his irresistible, deep voice. Damn, this man had interesting timing.

She quickly cleared her throat, hoping to rid of the shakiness in her tone, before asking,

         “Seokjin? May I ask how you got my number?”

She heard Seokjin chuckle before replying,

         “Oh…that… Well, you see I may have obtained it from Jungkook, who obtained it from your friend, Sowon.”

A heavy sigh escaped her lips as Sumin took a mental note to choke her dear friend the next time she saw her.

         “Sumin? Are you okay?” asked Seokjin, trying to mask the worry in his voice.

Sumin snapped back to senses and replied,

         “Huh? Oh, yes. I’m fine. Sowon is an interesting character to say the least…”

She then heard his chuckles before adding that he knew all about interesting characters. His gang of friends were the prime example of that which caused Sumin to giggle in response. Wait, did she just giggle? Sumin never giggled in her life…what kind of spell did he cast on her? How did he manage to bring out new emotions that she had never felt before? What was wrong with her?

         “I don’t doubt that. I mean, Namjoon is a mutual friend of ours.”

         "Indeed, he is. Indeed, he is.”

Suddenly, a blanket of comforting silence covered them. For some reason, no words were needed right now. The sounds of soft breathing were sufficient. Seokjin thanked the stars that it was just indeed a phone call. If he were to ask a certain question in person, he would be a nervous mess.

Like Sumin, ever since that day in his office, he could not stop thinking about the fiery princess. The princess that had no shame in putting him in his place. The princess that had a rather colorful vocabulary during their loud argument. Something about her, he just could not forget even if he tried—but he knew that he didn’t. Her doe-like eyes that stared at him with pure annoyance. Her innocent smile that covered the snarl she had seconds before. It was a mystery to him how this one princess could radiate pureness yet became this ticking bomb with each passing moment.

Above all…it was a mystery to him on why he had planned numerous of ways to ask her out on a date.

The Gods of romance played a fascinating game with his love life, and Seokjin allowed it—he allowed it.

         “I’m sorry, but can you repeat that?” asked Seokjin the moment he heard her melodious voice speak.

On Sumin’s end, she chuckled softly and repeated her question.

         “I asked, what do I owe the pleasure of your phone call, Seokjin?”

Seokjin’s heart stopped briefly. Shit. All his rehearing went out the window. He practiced in the mirror of his bathroom. He practiced in the mirror of his office. He pretty much took every single chance to practice the perfect date proposal. Why? Well, Namjoon called him a fool.

         “You are acting like a lovesick fool dude…” Seokjin recalled Namjoon’s words. Words that he agreed with unfortunately…

         “Seokjin?” Seokjin heard Sumin say, pulling him away from his jumbled thoughts.

He cleared his throat, calming his mind. Just as he opened his mouth to speak, he heard a door open on Sumin’s end followed by her asking what the person wanted.

The rest of the conversation was muffled, and he could no longer make out the words. He would pick up bits and pieces; sadly, the words that were clear caused this sense of nervousness to surge through his veins. That feeling of anxiety that resulted in his heart speeding up and his breathing becoming sporadic.

The once happy and feeling of love soon became replaced with a foreign emotion. A strange sensation that created irrational thoughts and scenarios that only frustrated Seokjin.

It also didn’t help that the unknown person mentioned his close friend, Namjoon.

The same Namjoon that was engaged to the princess. The princess he had fallen smitten for and wanted to take out on a romantic date.

No…

He couldn’t do that to Namjoon. While, yes, it was an arranged marriage between the two of them. He could not, with a good conscious, take that potential chance of romance blossoming between them away.

Though it was rare for two people to fall in love during an arranged marriage, it was not unheard of. Knowing that, Seokjin could not do that to his dear friend. At the same time, while he was thinking that, he had forgotten that Namjoon expressed discomfort on the arranged marriage on numerous of occasions.

Seokjin was utter and completely confused, and his irrational thoughts were not helpful whatsoever.

Not wanting to hear Sumin’s rejection, Seokjin pulled the phone away from his ear and forced himself to hang up.

He locked his phone and then tossed it to the side before leaning on his office chair; his eyes stared blankly at the ceiling as he became alone with his thoughts.

         “What am I going to do with you, Princess Sumin? What am I going to do…?”

Meanwhile, with Sumin, she had grown tired of the conversation she had with her father. Once again, her father brought up the pending marriage to Namjoon and secretly rubbed the upcoming deadline in her face. She dismissed word after word and hurried her father out of the room as she wanted to go back to her pleasant conversation with Seokjin.

She faked a sweet smile as she watched her father retreat from her room. She waited for the sound of the door closing before rushing back to the phone call.

As she opened her mouth to resume the conversation, she noticed that her phone was back on the home screen. She furrowed her brows and opened the phone app. She clicked on Seokjin’s oncoming call and saw that the call had ended ten minutes ago.

A heavy sigh emitted from her lips as she flung her body back, however, the second she did that, a throbbing sensation entered the back of her head. Well, how embarrassing…

She rubbed the aching area as she contemplated calling Seokjin back, especially since she was even curiouser about what the purpose of his phone call was. Maybe, he was about to ask her out on a date?

Sumin’s eyes widened at the mere thought of him actually giving him a chance. A tiny smile formed while a pinkish tint painted her precious cheeks.

Oh wow…a date with Kim Seokjin.

Without a second thought, she tapped his number and proceeded to call him. Sadly, not even after the second ring, it went straight to voicemail.

Seokjin sent her straight to voicemail…

She didn’t understand why, but that small gesture pierced her heart. Confusion flooded her entire body and mind as she questioned every single thought and pondered her previous words towards the man. She had thought the conversation was going smoothly yet he had declined her call.

With pursed lips, she ended the call and hooked her phone back to the charger. As she did that, an idea appeared to her. Why dwell on this so-called rejection? If Seokjin wanted a date with her, then a date there shall be…

Unfortunately, there were minor setbacks while planning a date with the one and only Kim Seokjin. The first day, Sumin had planned an ideal date for the two of them, where it consisted a walk around the park and a nice picnic with food cooked by her. She had spent the entire weekend making sure every single thing was perfect. With a determined smile, she picked up her phone and dialed Seokjin’s number. Before the phone reached the fourth ring, she heard his voice. Sadly, his voice was less than friendly…

         “Uh…well, I was wondering if you would like to accompany me to the park! I hear that some of our trees are beautifully decorated with the Autumn colors and—” Before she could finish her sentence, Seokjin flat out rejected her date request and then rudely hung up on her.

Sumin’s jaw nearly dropped to the floor as she stared in disbelief at her phone. She clicked her tongue out of annoyance as she picked up her office phone and dialed the mainline to the royal housekeeper. With an apologetic tone, she sadly announced that Seokjin could not make it to their date and told them that they should take the food to the local homeless shelter. The main housekeeper said a quick, “Okay”, before hanging up.

Sumin attached the phone back to the base and sat in her office chair. She slightly swiveled the chair, feeling the slump of rejection. She stared absentmindedly at the ceiling until an idea landed on her like a ton of bricks. She scrambled for her phone and then dialed Namjoon’s number.

If she were going to land a date with Seokjin, then she would need the help of someone who had been nothing but a loyal friend to both her and Seokjin.

Good idea, right?

Yeah…

In the next few days, even with the help of Namjoon, it had been proven useless. No matter what Namjoon suggested, Seokjin would instantly reject her. His words became incredibly colorful each time.

Now, sheltered inside her office yet again, it had been a full-on week since her first attempt of asking out Seokjin, and she had been batting at an average of 0 hits. Every time she went up to bat, she swiftly stroke out before she could even think about swinging.

She needed a different approach. Something that would catch Seokjin off guard—basically speechless.

Wait…

That was it!

Different! She needed to recruit a certain queen to assist.

         “You’re kidding, right? You really want Seokjin’s first meeting with Sowon to be when you’re trying to win a date with him?” Namjoon questioned cautiously.

Sumin glared at Namjoon, “I could care less right now. She’s an expert on capturing the attention of anyone and as you can see, I am pretty desperate right now…” She stated as she texted an SOS to Sowon.

Namjoon could only sigh in response as his little façade threatened to break, like tiny glass shards that fell piece by piece. Every time Sumin would mention Seokjin, and the fact that she had been trying so hard to land a date with the pretty boy, only left a sense of pain within in his heart.

It had been a huge secret that he kept buried deep inside. A secret that hid his true, genuine feelings towards the princess. He had been in love with his best friend for years, and it truly sucked knowing that she could never see him in a romantic light. He would be lying to say that he didn’t honestly try to change her mind. He had dropped subtle hints that he wanted to give them a try, but Sumin only thought that he was simply acting to keep her parents happy.

Every kiss on the lips fueled his love towards her. Honestly, he was the fool in love. A fool to be in love with someone that had her eyes on someone else—his best friend.

Only Yoongi and Hoseok knew about his dark secret and tried numerous of times to convince him to tell Sumin the truth, but Namjoon knew better. He knew better that no matter what, he’d rather stay her friend and have her in his life than not at all. At the end of the day, he lived true to his motto.

         “Her happiness is my happiness…”

With a forced smile, Namjoon sat close to Sumin and wrapped a warm arm around her shoulders, pulling her close.

         “Well, there was one idea that we haven’t tried yet,” He began, earning himself Sumin’s undivided attention, “I have one more idea for a date that would definitely leave Seokjin speechless and saying yes…” He trailed on as he began unveiling his idea.

Unknown to the two of them, Sumin’s father happened to be walking by when he heard sounds of laughter. He quickly peeked inside his daughter’s office, and his heart practically soared at such a sight. The sight of Namjoon and Sumin sitting rather closely and smiling as if they loved one another.

Wanting to share the news with his wife, the King slowly closed the door and hurried towards the garden. As he hurried down the corridor, he failed to notice that Sowon headed towards Sumin’s office.

Sowon’s brow raised as she wondered why Sumin’s father wore the biggest smile she had ever seen. She quickened her pace as she closed the gap between herself and the door.

Unbothered with the whole knocking, Sowon barged right in and announced,

         “You know…from my years of knowing you, my soft princess, I have never seen your dad smile that wide.”

Both Sumin and Namjoon stared at the queen with pure confusion. Their brows were knitted together. Tiny creases formed on their foreheads. Finally, Sumin spoke first, asking Sowon to clarify what she had meant.

         “Well, what I mean is that your dad looked like he had just won the jackpot and ran off to tell someone the news…” Sowon explained, taking a seat on the leather couch.

Sumin’s eyes immediately widened, and she dashed out of the room. She ran down the hallway but came to a halt the moment she saw her dad talking to Seokjin as he shook his hand.

Not good. Not good at all.

Letting out a huff, she stomped her way up to her dad and once again came to a stop. What she heard next left her speechless and further angered her.

         “I knew that Namjoon and Sumin would work this out,” She continued to witness her father shake Seokjin’s hand and beaming in happiness, “I am honestly over the moon that I would live to see my daughter marry, and while I have just met you Sir Seokjin, I am personally inviting you to the upcoming nuptials.” The king finished, finally ceasing in shaking Seokjin’s hand.

Sumin rolled her eyes as she walked up to her dad and tapped him on the shoulder.

         “I can’t believe you, daddy. I thought I have told you that both you and mom need to stop planning my wedding behind my back! I have stated countless of times that Namjoon and I are just friends, and I will never marry him. Okay?” She said; her tone laced with frustration and anger.

Her father waved off her harsh words, “Are you sure? I have heard you and Namjoon laughing and you can’t tell me that the smiles the two of you wore were fake.”

Sumin rubbed the sides of her forehead. Her patience wore thin. She wanted to disappear and just forget about everything and anything that dealt with her stupid engagement.

         “See, Seokjin, she is quite speechless from thinking about her earlier interaction with Namjoon.” She heard her father say. Wait, Seokjin. Her endless frustration made her forget that Seokjin was there as well.

She mustered the sweetest smile ever and turned towards Seokjin. Her next action captured Seokjin off guard.

         “You see, daddy, the reason for the smiles and laughter is because Namjoon was helping me plan the perfect date for Seokjin and I,” She then hooked her arm around Seokjin’s, “And then you just ruined the surprise…” Sumin stated with a cute pout on her face.

Sumin’s father eyed her strongly, trying to find the lie within her words. Then, a short hum left his lips and just as he opened his mouth to say something, what Seokjin said next caught, only him off guard, but Sumin as well.

Her mouth became agape. That’s how shocked she was to hear the words that came out of his lips.

         “I am sure whatever date you have planned for us, sweetheart, it will definitely be one to remember,” He placed a soft kiss on her temple, “I just hope I am not too late to retract my rejection on your offer on the many dates you had proposed earlier,” He then switched his focus on to Sumin’s father, “You see, I felt so bad for rejecting her previous offers since I had important business to attend to, and I honestly did not want to keep standing her up, however, after seeing her humongous effort to keep planning these romantic dates and wanting to spend time with me, I see now that it is incredibly important to find the balance between my work life and my love life.” Seokjin finished with a sincere smile as he eyed Sumin with pure adoration.

Sumin felt her face flush as her heart skipped a beat. Hearing his words made her swoon…too bad her rational side knew that he was merely acting and unintentionally making her predicament worse.

Wanting to keep the act up a little longer, Sumin smiled sweetly and told Seokjin that he had been forgiven, and she was honestly happy that he had finally found the time to be with her.

Sumin’s father nodded, believing in the words that Seokjin said. His mannerisms kind of reminded of himself when he was pursuing Sumin’s mother.

Ah the good old days.

Yet, being the protective father that he was, he still kept a watchful eye on Seokjin. He then smiled warmly at the two of them and bid them a fond farewell before walking away to attend to his daily royal duties.

Sumin maintained her smile until her father’s backside was no longer visible. The second he disappeared from her sight, Sumin immediately dropped the façade. No longer wearing the sweet, warm smile, Sumin’s lips remained neutral while her eyes bore the emotions. The rather furious emotions. She unhooked her arms from his and then crossed them over her chest. Her jaw clenched in anger.

         “What the fuck was that about?” She asked coldly, demanding an answer from the handsome yet arrogant man.

Seokjin brushed off her sudden attitude and simply shrugged; through, deep down he didn’t know how to answer her question. Why had he chimed in like that? Why did he place a sweet, innocent kiss on her head?

More importantly, why had that ugly, foreign emotion infiltrated his heart once again? He definitely he needed some one-on-one time with Sandeul and Ken. Those two, outside of his inner circle, were his most trustworthy friends—his brothers.

“Look, don't think too much into what I just did. From what Namjoon had told me, the two of you hate the whole wedding talk and since I don't like seeing him uncomfortable, I decided to do you guys a favor. Now, you owe me." He “kindly” explained, smiling smugly near the end.

Sumin gawked. Did she just hear him right? She owed him? Yeah. No. That was not happening.

Her eyes narrowed, practically disappearing, as she breathed heavily. Her temper skyrocketed at that moment.

         “Owe you? Are you kidding me right now?!” Sumin questioned loudly, looking at him in disbelief.

Seokjin shrugged, averting his gaze. The reason behind that was because he eyes homed in on her chest as it heaved up and down. He thanked and cursed the Gods for blessing his eyes, and the fact that Sumin decided to wear a blouse with a v-neckline. Because of that, he got a good look at her chest…

Wow, he became this pervert when it came to her—and it all started that fateful day in his office last month. Since that day, he could not get her out of his mind. Specifically, he could not get the image of her plump lips out his mind. God, he would be lying if he told one of his friends, right now, that he had never fantasized about the princess. How her lips would feel around his cock. How her moans would sound whether he thrusted mercilessly or took his sweet time. Damn, he felt himself hardened at those unholy thoughts, and what made it even worse, practically creepy, was that while he thought about making love to Sumin, she was busy yelling at him.

Speaking of which…what was she hollering about now?

Seokjin tuned back in with a disinterested expression sketched on his handsome face.

         “I don’t owe you shit! Because of what you have done, I have to now devise a whole new plan with Namjoon and some how manage to convince my parents that you and I will never be an official thing!” Sumin ranted loudly, “And to think…I was going to offer you a deal because I have heard about your tiny dilemma with Malaysia and Thailand and out of the kindness of my heart, I had written them both a convincing letter that pretty much hints at you earning the title of “prince” because of your relationship with me. Now. I’m going to burn those letters since you oh so kindly screwed me over.” She added before turning on her heels and storming back to her office.

Before she had gotten completely away, Seokjin reached out, gently grabbed her wrist, and pulled her closer.

Sumin’s eyes flickered to her wrist and then at Seokjin. Her gaze hardened as she demanded him to unhand her or else she’d scream bloody murder.

Seokjin rolled his eyes, unnerved by her threats. He then shot her look that pretty much said, “Sweetheart, you need me just as much as I need you.”

Sumin roughly freed her wrist and sighed loudly, glaring at the duke. She despised that he was right. She hated being wrong.

         “Okay. Fine. Just stop staring at me like that and wipe that smug smirk off your face,” She paused, inhaling and exhaling nice and slow, “I hate that you’re right…Alright, I propose a deal between us. In exchange for these letters that will secure your company’s trading routes with both Malaysia and Thailand, I want a fair chance with you. You will accompany me on these dates and develop a fresh new opinion. What you “know” about me before is gone from your mind, and by the end of the sixth month of my deadline you don’t develop any romantic feelings about me, then we can end things on a neutral note. Deal?” She proposed, holding out her hand for him to shake.

Seokjin remained silent, taking in the deal she had offered before him. In exchange of those letters that would help out his family tremendously, he’d only have to go on dates with her? There’s no way it would backfire right? The royal families of Malaysia and Thailand would back out if their relationship ended? Maybe he should ask…which he did.

Seokjin hummed in response as Sumin gave him her word that she’d make sure that Thailand and Malaysia would not back out of trading agreement if their relationship were to end.

He rubbed his chin, feeling the tiny stumble, as he thought about the different outcomes of this arrangement. His mind came up with mostly positive results. His family would benefit, he could engage in meaningless sex with the princess, and then hopefully sort out his feelings towards Sumin. At the end of this, he’d happily declare that it was never romantic feelings he felt towards her, and it was just lust and then move on with his life.

Yeah…

Lust…

What a load of bullshit…Seokjin knew that it wasn’t lust. Well his heart knew it wasn’t just lust. He was a fool that was completely infatuated with the woman, who patiently waited for his hand to shake. Unknown to him, that woman felt the same way. She too became heavily smitten with him. One could say that she was teetering on the fence of being in love with him. However, her pride had gotten in the way, and she’d never admit that she had some sort of romantic feelings towards him.

With a heavy sigh, he placed his hand into hers and shook it, ignoring the fiery touch that ignited the moment his palm came into contact with hers. That warm sensation that entered his heart, causing it to beat uncontrollably.

         “You got yourself a deal, princess…”

A/N: Okay! We are slowly leaving the train station and heading straight towards the romance and the angst that is Seokjin & Sumin! I hope you guys like this update! I’m incredibly sorry that these updates are tad slow (even more so with the writing process since my motivation/inspiration comes and goes and then I’m juggling an internship, studying for my teacher tests, and can’t forget school work! I hope you guys are understanding!) I shall see you guys in the next update! Maybe you guys will even see never before scene from Fight for Me via flashback!

Don’t forget to leave a like/reblog/comment/ask in my inbox! I love hearing your thoughts! :)

- Kim

[maychorian]

Weekly Voltron Fic Recs #46

Yeah, it’s been more than a week. Hush now and enjoy the super ridiculously long list of recs. I made this for you.

Rules: You can find past weekly rec lists here, and non-list recs in my general fic rec tag. Also follow @maychorianrecs for individually tagged posts, the easier to search and reblog. This is stuff I like, and I have a huge bias toward Lance, hurt/comfort, and general fluff, in that order. Gen unless otherwise noted. Please comment on the fics if you read and enjoy them!

A Long Time Ago (We Used To Be Friends) by Mikiri Words: 32,580 Author’s Summary: Originally Keith was supposed to have been Shiro’s copilot for the Kerberos Mission. They bonded over the thought of being on a mission together. But that all fell down the drain when something was found wrong with his blood. The fall out of the mission failure changed Keith forever. My Comments: Really interesting idea for an AU, and the story did such a good job of building up the team of Matt, Sam, Keith, and Shiro that it hurt like the dickens to have that all torn away in the end.

Lay To Waste by Demenior, wrecked_anon Words: 41,303 Author’s Summary: What was meant to be a simple mission— make contact with the Rebellion and form an alliance— goes horribly awry. Now the team is split up, the Galra are invading, and Shiro’s past may prove to be their greatest adversary yet. OR When you have skeletons in your closet, you hope they stay dead. My Comments: I’ve read and recced stories in this series before, so I knew before I read it that it was going to be amazing, but also have moments of pretty awful horror that I would have to steel myself for. And that’s completely true. The worldbuilding is fantastic, and this author always does such a great job of making Voltron feel like SCIFI, rather than a space fantasy, which is cool. The aliens are so ALIEN, and the new cultures and characters you meet are all so fascinating and so well-conceptualized. It’s just great, great stuff, but yeah, brace yourself from some horrific scenes.

of beasts and men by nowweareunstoppable Words: 14,430 (½) Author’s Summary: (werewolves & ghouls & witches, oh my!) It hurt, but it hurt like a lightning strike must; so powerful that the pain of it is overshadowed by the sheer momentum of the act. She was an explosion, but instead of coming apart, she was converging again into something more than the previous sum of her parts. Pidge came back with the taste of copper on her tongue and panic pulsing inside of her. My Comments: Absolutely fabulous urban fantasy AU with Pidge stumbling in far over her head and werewolf Shiro sacrificing just about everything to save her. Action-packed, edge-of-the-seat thrill ride. I want the rest really bad.

Hazy by haleyislametbh Words: 2,102 Author’s Summary: Some days, Lance’s ADHD doesn’t seem to bother him much. Today is not one of those days. My Comments: This feels really in-character, though it’s not my particular headcanon. Great stuff.

Try Everything by oldmythologies Words: 1,510 Author’s Summary: In which Lance believes that anything is a lullaby if you sing it soft enough <3 My Comments: Shance hinted at the end but reads platonic to me. Really sweet modern AU in which Lance doesn’t know his roommate Shiro very well, but still tries to gently sing him awake when he has a nightmare.

See The Light by itbepansam Words: 1,591 Author’s Summary: The team escapes from a dangerous mission and after one of the team members gets hurt, they decide to all form a huge cuddle pile My Comments: Cuddle piles are always good.

Build on Shaky Ground by Engineer104 Words: 3,337 Author’s Summary: Sometimes Lance dangles the carrot of friendship in front of Pidge’s face; sometimes Pidge refuses to take a bite For Pidge Ship Week, Day 1: Trust Comments: Tagged as possible romantic Plance but can be read platonic. I like fics that treat platonic relationships with all the depth and complexities of romantic relationships. A lot. Nothing is really resolved at the end of this one, but you can see the threads of friendship starting to be woven between them, and that’s beautiful.

Dirt and Dried Blood by hufflepirate Words: 14,637 Author’s Summary: Coran doesn’t know exactly what happened out there. He just knows the other paladins brought the princess back bloody and half-dead. Allura remembers being left behind, but she doesn’t remember making it home. Sometimes getting back on your feet requires a little more than a healing pod, but they both know he’s going to be there for her every step of the way. My Comments: Absolutely fabulous fic centered on characters who don’t get nearly enough attention. Great hurt/comfort scenes, great emotions, great characterization and backstory. A pleasure to read from start to finish.

Triumph or Death by ashitanoyuki for Wisttic Words: 3,562 Author’s Summary: Haxus did not die when he fell from the generator room catwalk. His survival presents an opportunity to gather useful information for the Galra Empire. My Comments: Great outsider perspective on the crew, and it even had me rooting for Haxus, at least his survival. Fun read.

Prison Toys by PastelClark Words: 3,452 Author’s Summary: When the mission crew of Shirogane, Holt, Holt, and McClain doesn’t come back from Kerberos, the world decides their ship crashed. Pidge decides it’s all bullshit.She’s not the only one. (In which Pidge lives inside her own head, Lance’s older sister was the fourth Kerberos crew member, everyone has something to lose, and no one is handling this well.) My Comments: Heartbreaking, but fascinating look at how Lance and Pidge’s dynamic changes when he’s dealing with loss, too. They both want to get to space so, so badly, yet they seem to work at cross purposes much of the time.

Starting to Unwind by HapaxLegomenon Words: 1,331 Author’s Summary: “We decided,” Lance says, “that you need a day off.” Shiro immediately stiffens. “We don’t have time –” “Yes we do,” Pidge says firmly. “We already cleared it with the Princess and Coran – who said it was a great idea, by the way – so no training, no leader-ing, no worrying, just relax and let us take care of you for once, okay?” Or; Shiro works too hard, and the other paladins encourage him to take a break. My Comments: Aw, everyone taking care of Shiro is so sweet.

Existing by prettyshiroic (AnalystProductions) Words: 6,929 Author’s Summary: It’s not just pain that sweeps into his life uninvited and without ceremony. At first it is. But something else came with it too. Well. Many things. But they’re a mild annoyance. Keith doesn’t like to complain and grumble, so their presence is written off as ghostly. Haunting him from time to time, and that’s as far as he lets the interaction go. Then there’s this. This thing. It made conversations difficult and hard to follow, made words uncomfortable in his mouth. It stripped him of basic comprehension skills at the best of times, sentences on a page clearly there but entirely lost to him. At the worst of times, it strips him of much more than that. Existence at the expense of everything else. My Comments: It doesn’t seem fair, with all of Keith’s canon difficulties, for him to also have to deal with chronic pain. But well, life isn’t fair, is it? That’s part of the point of this fic. The other part is Keith learning to accept support, and the others all being happy to provide it. Achy fic (literally and figuratively) with a great conclusion.

Nesting by isabeau25 Words: 5,635 Author’s Summary: Keith takes a chance on building a permanent nest. The rest of the team approves. My Comments: Part of a very well-realized and adorable wingfic AU. Keith’s nervousness about making something permanent after wandering for his whole life is so palpable and understandable, and everyone’s support is just lovely. A comforting fic, it makes me feel cozy and warm.

Cat in the Sun by isabeau25 Words: 3,048 Author’s Summary: Shiro was just out for a jog. He hadn’t planned on buying a restaurant. My Comments: I didn’t know I needed a platonic coffee shop AU! This was relaxing to read, and the descriptions are idyllic and charming. If I were Shiro, I’d want to buy this run-down property, too. This is the first of a series, and I’m definitely looking forward to more.

Young Blood by Emerald_Ashes Words: 2,268 (1/?) Author’s Summary: Shiro is still missing. A mission in hopes to rescue him go terribly wrong and the team is led into a trap. While they manage to escape, not everyone makes it out unscathed. My Comments: Deaged Keith in Galra form! Lance is a wonderful caretaker already. I’m really looking forward to reading this one as it develops.

Words Fail by EagleInFlight Words: 23,057 (6/?) Author’s Summary: A mind-melding exercise goes wrong, and the five Paladins are now trapped in Lance’s mind. To escape, they must delve through Lance’s memories. Lance learns that in order to save his friends, he has to stop running. But to stop running means to face the worst of himself. My Comments: I really loved the way this fic dealt with Lance’s memories and how the other paladins reacted to them. They all go on a separate little journey with Lance, and it feels very in-character, very emotional and heartwrenching. I’m glad Shiro was there at the time he was, in particular. I’m looking forward to the conclusion a lot.

Reload by Uniasus Words: 9,837 Author’s Summary: Shiro always knew he drew attention as a Galra prisoner, from the soldiers, the other slaves, Zarkon and Haggar. But he never knew the result of it. Now that Black’s refusing to fly with him, Shiro’s determined to figure out what exactly the Galra did. My Comments: Really interesting and well-written Post-Season Three fic that DOESN’T go with the clone hypothesis. I enjoyed all the twists and turns in this one very much. Really great concepts and characterization all around.

Let’s Find The Good We Knew Before by kyanve for Mikiri Words: 6,290 Author’s Summary: By dumb coincidence, Katie ends up witness to Keith’s exit from the Garrison before she’s prepared her identity as Pidge, and decides to get involved. My Comments: Great slight canon divergence fic with Keith and Pidge forming the salty younger sibling team they were always meant to be, just a little quicker than canon. A lot of pain, a lot of heartache there, but they are definitely good for each other.

There’s not such a thing as too many Shiros by RukiaG Words: 1,081 Author’s Summary: Shiro has a clone. That’s something everyone knows and has accepted by now. However, it turns out the Galra made several clones of him, so what will Team Voltron do with all those clones? Adopt them, of course. My Comments: Some adorable crack in which everyone makes plans to adopt a Shiro clone and give them silly names.

Normal by Zurela Words: 6,506 Author’s Summary: Lance and Keith survived isolation on a mysterious planet, but that doesn’t mean everything is automatically okay. Unable to hear and confronted with traumatic memories, Lance and the team do their best to get things back to normal. My Comments: Great follow-up to a previously recced fic. This is some very well done aftermath and recovery. Lance has received a permanent injury, and that’s treated with proper weight, but there’s a lot of hope in there too. And the team is wonderfully supportive. Klance, but everyone gets a lovely moment. I especially loved Allura and Coran. They said some very important stuff. It made me think as well as filling my heart with fuzzy warmth.

Numbers by oldmythologies Words: 1,222 Author’s Summary: Shiro would hate it. He would hate knowing that Keith heard him scream sometimes, that Keith knew that he wasn’t completely okay. He’d feel weak, and he’d hide behind his speeches and his optimism and would be ever more careful about where and when he let himself fall asleep. The cry reaches him from behind the door. It sounds like a child, and god, that child is so afraid. This time, Keith doesn’t hesitate to open the door. My Comments: Sweet and simple fic with Keith comforting Shiro after a nightmare.

The Silly Song by StormySeaWitch Words: 1,605 Author’s Summary: Inspired by Disney’s Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs (1937) It’s amazing what kinds of odd Earth things you can find in space malls. My Comments: Very cute fic with Team Voltron just having fun together for once. It made me grin like a little kid.

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Not a Feather Out of Place by isabeau25 Words: 1,271 Author’s Summary: Shiro needs some help preening his wings, but it’s often times easier said then done. My Comments: Very cute wingfic with Keith and Lance working together to soothe Shiro and provide necessary grooming without setting off his PTSD. They’re so lovely. And it’s the first of a series, so you should probably subscribe now.

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Previously Recced Fics That Updated:

Bromances in Space (27976 words) Coran's Guide to the Care and Keeping of Earthling Humans (35293 words) The Ones Who Were Left Behind (52377 words) Defying the Odds (28643 words) As Color Fades Away (149703 words) The Machinations of Perception (55318 words)  - now complete Ten Days (64896 words) Taking One For The Team (30581 words) Little Crystals (4511 words) Gate Keeper (95943 words)

[missblanchette]

Long Dream [6/7]

Series: Joker Game

Characters: Hatano/Jitsui

Rating: G

Summary: Hatano wasn’t one to read shoujo manga, but there was something familiar about this mangaka named Kunio.

Words: 4504

Notes: Modern AU/Reincarnation AU; Spin off to Déjà Vu (KamiMiyo); Phew, glad I managed to get this up before the year ended...!! Certainly less action packed than the last chapter but finally leading up to the finale haha

ko-fi //  Ch. 1 | Ch. 2 | Ch. 3 | Ch. 4 | Ch. 5 | You can read this on AO3! Thank you guys so much for reading, I hope you all enjoy~ (*´∇｀)ノ

Ch. 6 - Jitsui III: Days of Searching 

Being a spy meant constantly presenting a new act to others, a new face, a new person; even the personality he wore now as Jitsui wasn't his true one. Though as time went on, the line between his "true" self and the man named Jitsui began to blur. Eventually, distinguishing which feelings and thoughts belonged to whom became nigh impossible. He supposed it didn't matter in the long run, especially now when he was to play the role of Morishima Kunio.

Such as it was, he found himself in the library preparing for his mission. Black frames sat on the bridge of his nose, his hair had been swept to the side, and a book of myths rested in his hands. It didn't hurt to get a feel of whom Kunio was ahead of time, just like every other part he'd been told to play. Not to mention, it was easier to trick himself into thinking that he didn't care about leaving the building and the people in it -- one man in particular -- if he was someone else.

Of course, he shouldn't have forgotten how persistent some people could be. He heard the footsteps behind him a little too late, something he mentally reprimanded himself for, but nonetheless braced himself for the "sneak attack." There was only one person he knew who would do such a thing, anyways, without fearing the consequences.

"Boo," Hatano said at the same time his hands slammed onto his shoulders. Jitsui jumped at the sudden contact but that was the only reaction he allowed.

"Can't you let me have my fun?" He heard the annoyance in Hatano's voice as he moved to take a seat beside him, but he knew him well enough to know that he wasn't actually angry.

"You're starting to sound like Kaminaga," Jitsui teased, a smirk on his lips.

"That's an insult if I've heard one." Scoffing, Hatano rested his hands behind his head.

"Don't worry, you're a lot more tolerable."

"Gee," he said, sarcasm dripping in his tone. "Thanks."

They fell into a lull of silence, not that Jitsui minded much considering this would be one of his last moments with him (For a while, he reminded himself, trying not to dwell on bad outcomes; he trusted himself, he trusted him, he trusted them ). Any time spent with Hatano was like a blessing with that notion in mind. It was funny, now that he thought about it, how quickly he'd grown attached to Hatano. He hadn't anticipated befriending anyone considering that this was a spy training facility. They were only supposed to be allies to each other and nothing more, and that was just how Jitsui intended on using Hatano and the others. Ironically, he'd never felt closer to anyone before joining D-Agency, nor did he ever feel... such intimate feelings towards someone. He'd once deemed relationships of any sort meaningless, but in times like these, he began to wonder how he'd gone without them.

"The glasses look suits you," Hatano said, breaking his thoughts.

"You think so?" As much as he appreciated the compliment, Jitsui took them off and ran a hand through his hair. He had no need for an act around Hatano, anyways.

"Mhm, fits a bookworm like you." Hatano's eyes drifted to the book on his lap. "Mythology, though? Didn't think you were into that stuff."

"Oh, I'm not." He was erring on the side of carelessness, sharing classified information, but Jitsui often made exceptions for Hatano. "But Kunio is."

There was a slight pause as Hatano let what he'd said sink in, no doubt having already solved the meaning behind it.

"Yeah?" Hatano said, putting two-and-two together. "Then what does Kunio think of it?"

"Enjoyable, but you probably wouldn't be interested."

"I'll take your word on that, but --" Without warning, Hatano took the glasses and put them on his own face, pushing his bangs up to change his appearance. It was strange, indeed, but he couldn't say he looked bad. "-- maybe Shimano would."

That name, too, was unfamiliar to Jitsui, but he didn't need any explanation as to whom it was. Seeing as this was how Hatano was going about it, he played along, slipping right back into his role as Kunio rather easily.

"Really?" he asked, his tone taking on a softer air.

"Try me," was Hatano -- Shimano's -- reply.

And so try Jitsui -- Kunio, rather -- did. With the introduction alone, he could tell he was already losing Hatano's interest despite how well he acted otherwise. Truthfully speaking, these types of tales weren't Jitsui's cup of tea either, but there was some appeal to story of Osiris and Isis. Perhaps he'd gotten softer during the course of his studies, but Isis' struggles managed to shrill out some sympathy from him. It was a harrowing affair, losing Osiris and having to track down all the pieces of his dismembered body, only to lose him once more as he'd become Death itself as soon as she'd found him again. The whole story left a bitter taste in Jitsui's mouth, though at the same time, it drew him in. As he'd been reading it, he couldn't help but imagine what he'd do in Isis' place, to what extent he'd go to find a loved one. Sadist he may be, but most sadists had a masochistic streak as well, didn't they?

"You were right," Hatano said when he'd finished recounting the myth. He took the glasses off and shook his hair back in place, and there was the Hatano he knew. "I didn't care at all."

"Shimano was the one listening," Jitsui said matter-of-factly. He held back a chuckle as Hatano gave him a look. "What did he think of it?"

Hatano hummed, drumming his fingers against the back of his head. It was rather cute, Jitsui mused, how he pretended to be thinking of an appropriate answer.

"Searching for a lost lover seems like a waste of time, doesn't it?" He shrugged. "Sure Isis brought Osiris back, but what's the point if they're going to be separated again?"

Hearing his answer, Jitsui wondered how much of Shimano was in that reply and how much of Hatano was in it.

"It depends on how you look at it."

"Wow," Hatano said, dragging the word out. "Didn't realize you were a romantic deep down inside."

Jitsui didn't respond immediately, somewhat stunned to hear that spoken out loud. If he had to be honest, he didn't realize so either. Once he would've scorn the sentiment, but as a spy, he'd learned how to adapt -- even if it meant accepting feelings he shouldn't have in the first place.

"I'd do the same," he finally said. Though posed hypothetically, they both knew exactly what he meant. "Wouldn't you?"

Hatano stayed silent for a moment, their eyes meeting, as if trying to find a lie in his words.

"Careful," Hatano said after some time. "Someone might think you're actually capable of love." And though he meant it as a jest, Jitsui knew his feelings were mutual.

Jitsui smiled, one that Hatano returned. Yes, their time together was limited, but Jitsui -- the man he'd become and embraced -- was a rather simple man. Having Hatano by his side was all he needed, and he'd do anything for that.

Upon first impression, many would describe Jitsui as calm, level-headed, and demure among other saintly adjectives. They always saw him as an angel, the picture of what a perfect gentleman should be. Little did they know that couldn't possibly be further from the truth, his sadistic, stubborn side coming to light as one got to know him better.

And now was one of his stubborn moments.

As sensible as he tried to be, there was no way he could sit back and let things happen -- especially with what was at stake. Maybe it was the shoujo mangaka inside him taking over, but he knew deep in his heart that Hatano would've waited for him, if not outright taken the situation into his own hands. In his ideal fantasies, things would've gone smoothly; he and Hatano would've been together by now, and he wouldn't be pacing a hole out on the sidewalk contemplating his next move. Though Jitsui didn't consider himself much of an optimist, he never imagined that the meeting yesterday would've gone that badly.

That was, unless, if Hatano hadn't gotten his letter.

Jitsui wasn't quick to anger, but the very thought of it made his blood boil because it was looking more and more plausible. He knew that making assumptions wasn't good either, but what little he saw of Hatano's father was enough to tell him that there was nothing good going on with him.

Nonetheless, Jitsui wouldn't let this deter him; his pride nor his stubbornness simply wouldn't let him. And, pardon the wishful thinking, maybe this time Hatano would answer the door. As he made his way back to Hatano's apartment, Jitsui comforted himself with those pretty thoughts. Doing otherwise would only make the seeds of hesitation grow more and more.

Unfortunately, reality wasn't like his shoujo mangas where everything would fall into place right after the conflict. What greeted him at the door were not those droopy, brown eyes he'd come to adore in his previous lifetime but the sharp ones he'd come to loathe in less than twenty-four hours. Come what may, he'd have to keep his cool lest things continue falling in a downward spiral and that was the last thing he wanted.

"Good afternoon," Jitsui said in the most sickeningly sweet voice as possible.

Mr. Ryosuke's response was to click his tongue. Jitsui resisted the impulse to strangle him right there and then.

"You again."

"Yes, it's me again." Though he kept his tone polite, even he couldn't bother to hide his annoyance. "You said Hatano would be around later and since it's later, I was wondering if he was around?"

Already expecting a negative response, Jitsui peeked through the space between the door in search for any sign of Hatano.

"Sorry, kid. He's not here."

"Then," he said, eyes still surveying the room. It seemed as though Mr. Ryosuke's words were correct, but Jitsui knew not to take things at face value. "Could you tell me when he'll be back -- exactly ?"

"I wouldn't be able to tell you," Mr. Ryousuke said, only irritating Jitsui even more. "He's back when he's back. Now leave."

He moved to close the door, but Jitsui was quicker. He stepped forward, not only preventing the door from closing but also giving him a better view of the inside. His stomach dropped when he didn't see anything of importance, but then he caught sight of black fur poking out from the hallway. Jumping to conclusions was foolish, he knew, but he couldn't help but wonder.

"I'm sorry, but --"

The tuft of black fur moved forward, yellow eyes meeting his.

A cat. A black cat with yellow eyes that seemed all too familiar. His heart lurched at the sight of it, though he could only guess whom it was. He could only spend so much time dwelling on the matter, however, having been pushed back and pinned down with sharp eyes.

"I said leave."

With that, the door was slammed into his face but Jitsui didn't find himself as frustrated as he'd been earlier, surprisingly enough. The desire to murder Hatano's father still lingered, but he needed to use his calculation skills for something else for now. Never before had he felt so much hope because of a cat of all things, but the sight of the feline sent his brain thinking. Surely, there was another way; surely, he would get to Hatano -- somehow, some place.

If he couldn't get in the directly, then Jitsui would just have to take another route. Based on his observations, the fire escape ran down the balconies in the back of the building. And if his guess was correct, then one of the entrances was on Hatano's floor. Whether or not it was outside Hatano's room was another question he had yet to figure out, but he supposed he would be finding the answer to that very soon.

Finding the fire escape wasn't difficult. One would have to be an incompetent fool not to notice the shoot. No, it was the matter of climbing up the shoot. As much as he hated to admit it, he wasn't as fit as he used to be. He didn't really have reason to keep up a rigorous training regimen in this life nor did he find it necessary. Nevertheless, up was the only way to go, to Hatano, so up he would go.

The first few steps were clumsy, his feet slipping up and his grip on the walls loose, but he found his stride eventually. Soon enough, he reached the top but all that met him was the trap door. He hadn't thought it would be a problem, but he bit back a curse on his tongue when he pushed up on it to no avail. The damn thing certainly didn't appear to be so heavy. Regardless, he gave it another push, stronger this time, but that proved useless as well.

He'd already made it this far, so no way was he going to turn back now. Despite the cramp in his legs and the strain on his arm holding his body up, he kept banging and banging on the door until he budged it open. How great would it be if that'd been it -- Hatano would be waiting for him on the other side and they'd be together again.

But there was nothing. As far as his eyes could go, he couldn't see any other person. He couldn't hear anything either except for the afternoon breeze of spring. The balcony was empty, as well as the messy room connected to it --

Meow.

-- or perhaps there was something. His eyes flew to the source of the noise and landed on a black cat, which appeared to be the same one that he'd seen yesterday. The cat drew nearer as he hauled himself up, circling him and scrutinizing him. By all means, he should've hurried on inside. The balcony door was slightly ajar, presenting the perfect opportunity to go inside, but for some reason, he sat still on the edge. When the cat had finished its inspection, its yellow eyes met his and Jitsui knew this couldn't be a coincidence. Seeing that the cat wouldn't hurt him, Jitsui decided to test out his theory.

"Yoru...?"

At that, the cat -- Yoru -- meowed, his ears faced forward and tail straight up, quivering. Well, Jitsui thought, so it seemed that cats indeed had nine lives. Though he couldn't claim to be extremely close to Yoru in the previous life, he couldn't help but feel nostalgic at the sight. Allowing himself an instance of compassion, he scratched the underside of Yoru's neck before standing up proper.

"So then Hatano should be inside..." Jitsui thought aloud, not expecting an answer but finding some comfort in having a companion. But as he neared the door, he felt Yoru's paws on his ankles as if stopping him. He tried again only up be met with a similar response, even side stepping here and there but Yoru matched his steps.

He huffed, but it'd be shameful if he let his temper out on a cat. Counting to ten, Jitsui bent down so that he was eye level with Yoru. There was a reason they'd let him roam around in the Greater East Asia Cultural Society. Hopefully, nothing about that had changed.

"Yoru," he said, calling his attention. On one hand, Jitsui couldn't believe he was about to question a cat; on the other hand, this couldn't possibly be the most farfetched thing he'd come up with considering he was a shoujo mangaka. "Sway your tail once for 'yes' and twice for 'no.' Do you understand?"

Truly, he'd expected a null answer but thankfully, Yoru's tail swayed once.

"Is everything okay?"

Yoru hesitated, his tail still as if pondering the question. After a moment, his tail swayed 'no.' Jitsui's blood ran cold.

"Hatano is inside, right?"

One sway.

"What about his father?"

Yoru's tail swayed vigorously, accompanied by a hiss. Jitsui's lip twitched in frustration, taking a peek indoors once again. No wonder Yoru had tried stopping him from getting inside. It'd be a disaster if he'd caught him. Still, things couldn't be as simple as that. He tapped his foot furiously against the balcony floor, pondering the their circumstances. Inside the room, post-it notes were tacked onto various surfaces -- the walls, the books, even the headboard of the bed -- alongside forgotten, misplaced things. If he squinted hard enough, he could make out the characters on the notes. From that which he could see: "letter"? The gears in his head began spinning.

"Yoru, do you know if a letter I sent arrived here?"

Yoru's tail swayed once. All right, so the problem didn't lie there.

"Did Hatano get it?"

Two sways, to which Jitsui let out a swear. It was times like these that he hated being right. Even so, what was he to do about it? He couldn't send another one without the possibility of it getting intercepted again nor could he sneak in without fear of getting caught.

Then again, maybe he didn't have to do anything.

"Do you know where it is?"

Yoru's tail swayed twice, but Jitsui didn't let that discourage him too much. Judging by this interaction alone, Yoru seemed intelligent enough to follow through with his plans.

"Do you think you can find it then? And if you do, could you show it to Hatano?"

Without hesitation, Yoru meowed whilst his tail swayed ‘yes.’ It really wasn't much, he figured, relying on a cat of all things, but he felt some relief. As he pet Yoru, he knew still that he couldn't grow lax here. Even if Yoru managed to get the letter to Hatano, there was still the matter of meeting him. He still had his fair share of work to handle and Jitsui wasn't one to slack off.

Waking from his memory-dreams oft left Jitsui with feelings of nostalgia and tranquility, the fleeting moments of yesteryears ringing throughout his mind. But today, when he woke up, the icy feeling of dread washed over his body. And such was a feeling he didn't like one bit. Especially not when he'd dreamed of one of the moments he shared with Hatano before their goodbyes.

Perhaps it was just the stress of everything going on. Ever since he'd given Yoru his task, he'd yet to make progress on his end. It was much like trying to grab hold of sand -- the grains continuously slipping through his fingers no matter how much of it he grabbed. He didn't believe in any higher beings nor fate, but if they did exist, it was almost like they purposely found obstacles to get in his way. Every time he thought he'd managed to catch Hatano, something always drove Hatano further and further away. 

Try as he might to ignore superstition, he couldn't help but grow dismayed as the days passed. Still, there was something Jitsui felt like he needed to do despite everything that had happened. For some reason or another, his gut told him to take the direct approach today. Meaning, go right up to the front door of Hatano's apartment. He hadn't forgotten his two previous failures already, but it wasn't like any other way was working out either. After all, the saying "third time's the charm" must have held some sort of merit and so, figuring he had nothing else to lose, Jitsui followed his instincts.

He found himself in front of the door sooner than he expected, the white door staring him in the face. He raised his hand to ring the doorbell, only to find himself hesitating.

Nervousness wasn't something he experienced often, not to sound too prideful or boastful. Of course, he had his fair bouts of it every now and then, but his belief in his skills had always won over. Mayhaps it was an advantage of remembering one's past life, that he was so sure he could do everything all over again. But he'd never encountered anything like this before, all things considered. It was only human to fear the unknown, but it was times like this he wished he'd be more akin to the monsters that Sakuma had called the spies so many years ago. A monster didn't fear nor doubt; a monster would've gotten what it wanted by now.

Unfortunately, in this reality, he was very much human. He feared, he doubted, he'd yet to make his peace. But it was those same fears that pushed him forward now, that lead him on to Hatano's place. As nerve wracking as it was to be so close yet so far away, he would only hate himself if he did nothing about it.

Ignoring every doubt that screamed in his mind, Jitsui rang the doorbell and counted the seconds that passed.

Heartbeats reverberating throughout his eardrums was a sensation he thought only happened in fiction, but he figured by now he should've learned that art mimicked reality. He willed himself to stand still as he waited for the door to open, feeling the urge to pace around. It only intensified as he finally heard the latch being unchained and the lock opening. He braced himself for more disappointment, that hope would only aggravate him even more. Still, as the door swung opened, he held his breath and --

Time stopped when their eyes met.

It took a few moments for Jitsui to process the sight before him, unsure if he was still dreaming or not. All this life, Hatano had just been a fragment of the past -- only tangible through his memories and dreams. But looking at him now, he was just as he remembered him, every single feature from head to toe. Even in this lifetime, he was shorter than him, and he still had that middle part in his hair that framed his face nicely, and those droopy brown eyes that bore into his soul, and the cute, button nose that he'd grown to adore. All these little details were exactly that same as he remembered that it was almost as if they'd never parted ways in the first place. It took all of his will power not to take Hatano into his arms and hold him close, but even a part of him feared that he'd disappear if he did just that.

"Hatano?" Jitsui managed to spit out, the name but a breath on his tongue.

Hatano didn't respond immediately, his eyes widened as if, too, in shock. Jitsui remained silent and still, letting Hatano take his time. As uncertain as Hatano looked, their gazes met again, and there was that light of recognition in his eyes and that, for Jitsui, was enough.

"Jit --"

All of a sudden, Jitsui's collar hit his neck, choking him as he was pulled back. His mind scrambled, trying to figure out what was happening, but there could only be one answer to that question.

"Excuse me." Just the sound of that man's voice grated his nerves. Reminding himself that murder was illegal, Jitsui whipped around quickly to face Mr. Ryousuke but he was already halfway through the door. "We're not having visitors right now."

The door slammed in his face but after all that had happened, he wouldn't let that stop him. He ran back towards the door -- towards Hatano -- and began pounding against it with all his might. The rational part of his mind knew it wouldn't accomplish much, but it was the only thing he could think of to do in a rush. Under the midst of all the force, the hinges of the door loosened though not enough to get him in. Seeing that was the case, he finally let his arms take a rest, paying little attention to the soreness in his hands and arms. He didn't know how long he'd been there, but as he pressed his ears against the door he heard only silence. That, to him, was much more disturbing than the yelling he anticipated.

He needed to get in. Or, at the very least, he needed to know if Hatano was okay.

Not wasting a single second, Jitsui hurried to the back of the building. Quickly locating the fire escape shoot, he climbed his way up. How funny it was that what once seemed daunting was effortless in the midst of a matter. The only thing -- annoyance, rather -- was the weight of the trap door once he'd reached the top, but even he managed to swing it open in his hurry. Hauling himself up, he quickly assessed the scene.  

Only the sounds of the wind gushing by greeted him up there. The balcony was empty, as was the room connected to it, much like it had been a couple days ago. This time around, though, the door was shut close and not even Yoru was around. Peering inside, he tried to make out some semblance of life. Surely someone had to be inside. But then again, a lot could have happened in the time he'd spent trying to get here. Light poured in from the living room to the hallway and the door on the other end was closed tight. An argument or a fight, Jitsui could deal with, but the lack of activity was sending him on the edge.

He gripped the balcony door handle, but it didn't budge. He huffed in frustration, telling himself not to do anything rash. He then patted his pockets and scoured the balcony for anything he could use a pick lock, but as was the theme for today, there was nothing. It would have been easy to just punch the glass and break in but he didn't want to draw too much attention nor cause any more problems on top of this one.

Nevertheless, spending any more time here would be a waste. The sun was steadily falling west and glancing at his watch told him that it was already evening. He hadn't even realized he'd spent most of his time out here, having missed a few calls from Gamou and some texts from Odagiri when he checked his phone. But then again, he thought, what was there to do? Perhaps the silence meant that Hatano had left. But if he did, then where to? He hadn't the faintest clue, but he berated himself for even thinking of giving up. It might've just been a thought of false hope, but that thought was better than what he wanted to imagine what Hatano was going through at home.

Sometimes hope was all he had, and that hope was better than nothing. With that in mind, Jitsui set off again. Hatano had to be somewhere . He would be damned if he let things end like this.