#i feel alright with changes and sacrifices that were made for the adaptation

[coffee-with-mint-syrup]

Look, I didn't want to be "that" person

who criticizes something just because "it was different in the books".

But I love PJO just way too much to not feel frustrated at the tendencies of modern adaptations that I think new series is suffering from. And I feel much more frustrated because in others aspects the new show is great.

First of all, what's with this downplayed brutality of PJO world? The moment Sally started her speech about Perseus I smelled trouble. In her story, in her reasoning she named him after Perseus because of this beautiful story where happy ending is just something that happens. While in the books thats a huge deal that Percy is named after THE ONLY HALF-BLOOD HERO that had that happy ending. That fact is supposed to highlight the mortality rates and that for most of these demigods happy ending is pretty much NOT IN PROSPECT. Like, despite that rambling post I'm usually fine with some differences that are made in adaptations, most of them I usually can understand. But why do you need change the message of "I named you that way because I hope you will live happily ever after despite being in constant danger" to "I named you that way because it's a beautiful story about a mother and a son"? Especially when they absolutely could do both?

Secondly, the Gabe issue. You see, Percy Jackson books were great because they were able to discuss with children some pretty heavy themes without downplaying them - like domestic abuse. And that scene with poker players and Gabe getting from Percy money was brilliant because it showed that Gabe was so awful that he took everything he could even from a 12 y.o. There were also heavy implications that he beat Percy. But now Gabe is just your usual jerk who is lazy and doesn't have a good relationship with his stepson and argues with his wife all the time. Look, I know, that is awful too, I know that. But the point of Gabe that he was absolutely the worst. That he's the worst of the worst that's why he smells on this metaphysical level and is able to hide Percy. That he kinda deserved what happened to him in the end. And now I sure that we won't get that end because apparently that stuff is too brutal for kids. If they're afraid that much younger audience would get shocked by it they could at least do that in hints, you know. Old shows were great with things that you didn't understand as a child and then later while rewatching them you finally could get the message.

And what's with this Grover thing? Okay, I understand they probably didn't have the time for establishing why Percy would feel betrayed by his teacher but wanted to save this "low point" for Percy's character. But why? Why? How Percy as a character and we as viewers are supposed to feel that amazing friendship if it started for us with betrayal? That just sucked.

Also, personal flaw - they really could insert "This is a pen" line when Brunner gave Percy the pen. They really could and that would be so awesome. But they didn't.

And the sad part is that now I understand that there was no way they could include this important stuff in the series. Because Disney is too afraid to show domestic abuse. They afraid to show Sally Jackson that put up with heavy abuse just to keep her son safe. They afraid to show that literal children die in PJO world. That that half-blood stuff is no game - as Percy said in the very first minute of the series. For fuck's sake they didn't even mention him having ADHD! They implied that by saying that he was being weird! That was so so so so important that those things that kids with ADHD are struggling make them so special and strong in their own way. And now that message is gone too.

And all of that is because Disney doesn't have any balls left. It's like they sanitize everything they make into that 0+ versions of stories while sometimes the point of the story is in discussing something from a real, sad and unsanitized world.

The stuff I listed is just from the first episode and I don't know if the show will go that way, if this tendency of sanitizing the story will continue or not. I'm just really afraid that all of that means that they decided to leave out all the brutality that made Percy Jackson so iconic. It is like watching this new version of Harry Potter where he doesn't live under the stairs - that maybe doesn't change much story-wise but it's just not the same Harry Potter that way.

I want to like the show, I really do. Walker is so amazing is this role. Other actors are really great. I see the effort, I see how people tried to make this adaptation as close to books as they could. The show looks truly amazing. The fight with minotaur was absolutely stunning. Ending sequence is a masterpiece. I have so many good things I can say about it. But those little things they changed - they weren't little at all. A huge chunk of what made those books so special at least for me is gone (especially in comparison with Harry Potter books). And I can't help feeling sad.

[the-crow-binary]

Alright, it's time.

As someone who is pro-"adaptations should differ in some ways from the original material" because that's basically the definition of "adaptation", NFCV is a good example of the limit it has to have. Or, at least, the limits I have.

When one wants to adapt a story from one media to another, sacrifices are bound to be made. Changes are meant to happen. You cannot put, in your adaptation, every single detail the original material had. It would be too long, you need to choose the most important parts of the original media in order to make it shine properly. Wich means some characters will have to be erased, some plots too, all in order for the adaptation to offer a fluent and enjoyable experience for everyone. Even those who already know the original material. Of course, those people will sometimes feel sad about a part or a character they really liked but didn't see in the adaptation... but that doesn't make the adaptation bad.

In my opinion, what makes an adaptation good, is when it respects the core of the original work. It can be many things (and it's multifactorial). The message it wants to pass on, it's universe, it's characters, it's lore... it varies from work to work (you can have work focusing on a main character's story, in this case making an adaptation without this character doesn't make sense. It can be a work telling the stories of a world, in this case, with no main protagonist, an adaptation can change the characters...). You can add many changes to a work you are adapting to a new media (or new audience), but it stops being a faithful or "good" adaptation the moment you erase the core of the original work.

And that's why Netflixvania is not a good adaptation.

Ignoring the questionable writing, the "CHURCH BAD" theme, the overdose of curses and gross dialogues (and so many other nasty writing stuff)... Netflixvania misses the point of the franchise it's adapting entirely. And the few easter eggs here and there are not enough to make up for it.

You can make Alucard bisexual. You can make the Belmont clan a noble family in Trevor's era. You can make Isaac black. Those are details that does not affect the core of the franchise. It might make a few grind their teeth, but that's all. No, the problems go way deeper than that.

Castlevania's core is it's themes. It's lore. Castlevania is the story of a seemingly endless cycle of revenge, tragedy and wars. Of generational trauma, with the Belmonts fated to hunt the night and kill Dracula centuries after centuries with no escape. It's this theme of having to fight evil all the time because it will never truly go away, with or without the Belmont clan. Dracula is not just a vampire king ruling over vampires, he's the Demon King. He's the Dark Lord. He's Chaos personified, with Death as his servant and confidant. He rules over so much more than just vampires (and there is more than two humans who swore their lives to him). And he brought this fate upon himself.

The Belmonts are not just a clan. They are humanity's symbol of hopes, dreams and strenghth. They are total opposites to and complete Dracula. The Belmont-Dracula duality is essential to the Castlevania franchise. They are the pillars of Castlevania.

What themes does NFCV has? Church bad. Humans bad. Christianity dumb. A bit of father-son tragedy.

The only common theme is this father-son tragedy, but it is barely touched (we don't even have the time to fully appreciate Dracula and Alucard's relationship before and after they first fought.) and it became one of the main themes of the cartoon. And it would've been fine... if the adaptation didn't threw out the window what made Castlevania Castlevania in the same breath.

Trevor doesn't have any duality with Dracula here. We barely mention the fact Leon went to Transylvania to hunt Dracula down. We don't feel any deep connection, when in the games, Leon was literally Dracula's friend. They worked together, fought together, they were unstoppable together, and when Mathias turned, he offered Leon eternity by his side. He cared deeply. And Leon decided... no. His own morals, his dead betrothed's wishes, they came first. And so came these lines from Leon:

"You have become a cursed being and I will never forgive you. This whip and my kinsmen will destroy you someday. From this day on, the Belmont Clan will hunt the night."

And this is why Trevor had to be the one to kill Dracula. Alucard still could've had his tragic moment, seeing his father dying by the hands of his friend is really messed up, and it would've make a potential SoTN adaptation where he would have to kill Dracula by himself this time more powerful (we'll get to Nocturne in due time.). But it isn't what happened. Trevor barely participated in the fight. It was a Dracula VS Alucard starring Trevor and Sypha.

Trevor isn't Dracula's friend, but this promise, this curse Leon put on his own family so long ago, it created a kind of bond beetween Dracula and Belmonts that would last for centuries. I talked about them, about how deep it goes, here and here. Dracula created the Belmonts as they are now. The Belmonts created Dracula as he is now, too.

NFCV doesn't care about that. NFCV turned Dracula into a vampire lord not even capabe of keeping his own generals in line. NFCV belittled the Belmont clan's importance (one brief scene where the court (mostly Carmilla) is like "oh, what, a Belmont? one of those vampire hunters? alive? wtf" is not enough). NFCV belittled Trevor himself (a few nice-looking fight scenes is not enough). It belittled the Vampire Killer (the most powerful Castlevania weapon, created with alchemy and infused with the soul of Leon's betrothed. there is so much tragic story potential around this weapon alone). It belittled EVERYTHING it took from the games. And I haven't even touch Isaac and Hector (they deserve their own post), who have been done so, so dirty.

NFCV ignored so many things that gave Castlevania his identity that it just became it's own thing, wich butcher the franchise's name. So many NFCV fans don't know the games even exist, or mix it up with the cartoon when they have little to nothing in common (Lords of Shadow had more in common than NFCV. And it was not insulting to the OG universe). And let's not get started on people praising the show for being "better" and how some character got "improved" when in reality, it's written by people who don't get said characters or games and stop at the surface. Just like they stop at NFCV's surface. That's why they think it's good. (loving a show doesn't mean said show is good, sorry)

I used to think "it's okay if the adaptation is not faithful, as long as it's good/enjoyable". And you know what? This kind of mentality is what lead to NFCV. I no longer stand by it. (maybe I should thank NFCV for making me see my limits)

And that's not because I'm a purist. As I said earlier, I'm all for adaptations making changes. But I am also all for respecting the source material as well ("respecting" just doesn't mean "doing everything exactly the way it was originally" to me, unlike... way too much people). And NFCV is not.

And as a show itself, ignoring the "adaptation" part? It's not that great either. If you get critical and think deeper about things, you'll start to see everything that is wrong. It's easier to ignore the problems and enjoy the parts you do like when you don't know the games. It's almost impossible to do when you do know and love the games. When you need to turn off your brain to truly enjoy a show, it's not the proof of a great writing.

But oh... That is only the first Netflixvania. :) This far, you can actually call it faithful to the games, compared to the soon to air Nocturne. :) (it actually hurts me to say)

You cannot look at the trailer and pretend it's even trying to be Castlevania. It's an original work who stole Castlevania's name and characters. With the first serie, you could've use the first, maybe the second season to pretend it was trying but "oh, the games don't have enough story to adapt" (shitty excuse btw). But here? Oh, no. No no no. It is NOT trying anything.

It happens during the french revolution, it seems it's gonna tackle racism and slavery (I do NOT trust the show to portray the french revolution correctly. nor racism. nor anything). Richter's tragedy is apparently going to revolve around the death of his mother, so you can say bye bye to the whole generational trauma and the weight of centuries of his family hunting Dracula (since it's not where NFCV went to begin with) and protecting the world now being on his shoulder and how it affects his psyche and- I mean DAMN. That is such a DOWNGRADE. But it's only the trailer. We'll have to wait for the whole season to air to see how bad it truly is. But I do not trust them to make Richter, one of the most beloved Castlevania characters, shine the way he deserves. I do not trust them to make Castlevania shine at all. Nothing this far can make a games' fan think of said games (probably because it's not for the games' fans.)

But we know it won't be about Richter anyway. Just like NFCV, it will be about everyone but the Belmont of the show. I mean it's logic, since it's the way NFCV went. At least that's coherent.

And everyone knows the sole reason why they went from ""CV3"" to ""RoB/SotN"" directly is because of Alucard, the true main character of NFCV. The trailer just dropped and you already have people asking where Alucard is.

There is so much details I could rant about. But this isn't about details (nor ranting, really). This isn't about every little thing that only makes the cartoon even more of an insult to the games (even if those details, piling up, ARE important). This is about the bigger picture. This is about Castlevania's heart getting crippled and shat on in favor of a pseudo-mature show getting off to his pseudo-deepness.

Games and shows are different medias and thus, are bound to have different ways to tell their stories. One is not lesser than the other. The Castlevania games have a story. It has a lore. It has themes. It's character have personnalities. But it's not a cartoon. It cannot show it by literally making the characters talking about how deep they are. They can't make cutscenes just to tell "I have a tragic backstory". It has to be shown in more subtle ways. It uses the decors. It uses the way the characters stand, or walk, or attack. It exploits the few cutscenes and dialogues to tell the most important informations. And yes, sometimes, it has to use the manual to give infos about the lore or characters. That is not a lesser way to do so. It's a way to adapt to the games' limits in order to tell their story. (also, CoD literally have two mangas to it's name. make your choice on wich version you like most)

There is so, so much potential in Castlevania. And if you get into the games, if you play them, if you just read the wiki or look at the posts of people talking about the lore, the characters, the games and analyzing them, you'll know... NFCV is a waste of an adaptation.

[electrifyingnight]

For the D&D asks, Character questions are for Adalin (god, that campaign was my magnum opus)

Player questions: 12, 17, 19

Character questions: 27, 26, and 24. im asking 24 because yes i kinda made you an avatar of Eilistraee but had adalin never found that book what would she have chosen?

12) whats your favorite part about playing dnd?

Aside from sitting around and hanging out with friends for a few hours each week, my favorite part about dnd is the cumulative story telling. Working together to create one epic adventure. Playing a part in a world that, even though you might not have made, you help influence and change in one way or another. There is no better feeling then that of creating something together with a bunch of your friends.

17) whats your favorite thing your dm does

You're very good at crafting a story around the actions we take. Even if they come out of left field, you're good at rolling with the punches and adapting as you need to. You don't let our action or inaction to cause you to slip up.

19) how do you feel about pvp? Player and player romance?

I think in the right situation, and depending on the context it can be very good for developing a story. If two characters keep constantly butting heads and getting into arguments, its not unreasonable to assume they might come to blows. Hell, sometimes the best story's spark from a group that's traveling together for a long time find one issue they are on two exact opposite sides and they can't come to an agreement, and the only option IS to overpower the other side, like marvel civil war.

As for play play romance, I feel like it has its place too. As long as everyone involved is alright with it, and people can disconnect reality from fiction its fine. Its not hurting anyone and as long as their not using it as an excuse to erp at the table.

27) what 3 songs remind you of them?

River flows in you by Yiruma

Kairi's theme from kingdom hearts

Francis forever by mitski mitski

Bonus one:

Animal I have become, specifically for shortly after she began hosting Zinzerena

26) what music would they like?

I feel like adalin would 100% listen to k-pop. I don't know why, but I feel like she would. But she also listens to a lot of violin covers of songs and all that, because of course she does. But I think she would also have like one (1) death metal song she listens/belts along to. And it takes everyone by surprise if it ever comes on.

24) if they were the god of anything, what would they be the god of?

If adalin where a god besides being a host of zinzarena/Illestrae, she would definitely be a god of changelings along with performance and self sacrifice

[daim1812]

One Last Time

Levi Ackerman x Reader

Labels: Romance, angst, drama, mentions of suicide, blood, children involvement, pregnancy and death.

Warning: Some manga spoilers. Change of storyline for adaptive purposes.

Song of choice: Saturn by Sleeping at Last

As the sun went down so did his body, sitting down on the log with a perfect view to a hidden lake between enclosed tall trees. Rising up from the mountain, the moon made its way into the night sky.

Levi couldn’t stop himself to stare at the moon. He couldn’t stop breathing the air, feeling it hit his lungs with small fights. He couldn’t stop from repeating the same images in his head.

His squads death made him realize that death was always near. He knew that no matter how much he ran away from it, it was always going to catch up to him.

Mike’s death shook him slightly. He knew this man for his whole years of being in the Scouts, and consider him someone close to him.

Erwin’s death threw him in a verge of loosing himself, almost to the point of ending things. And yet... he found himself weak to the thought. He couldn’t do it, it was someone else’s job to kill him and end his agony. Even when Hange stood there with him and helped him realize that he wasn’t that alone, her sudden sacrifice pushed him into an unknown feeling.

And so he sat there, amaze by the scenery; amazed by the simple thought that he was still... living.

Without a care in the world, Levi closed his eyes and emerge into the swing of the wind. Hitting him softly on the face and pushing his hair back, he indulge in a new feeling he couldn’t describe before.

He was delighted.

He was enlighten.

Yet, he hated that. Everybody else died, leaving him alone to understand himself and hate himself at the same time. All he wanted was... for them to come back. Since Isabel and Farlan, Levi learned the hard way that life isn’t the way he thought it would be. Kenny’s death was another punch in his face. His mother's death since the beginning made him this solitary person filled with problems.

Levi wasn’t normal.

Two pair of hands took him by surprise, but not enough to act defensive. He already knew this hands.

She pressed her face on Levi’s head, her body slightly pushing to his back. Her hands collared on his neck, embracing him thoroughly to her own content.

“What are you doing, Captain?” Her voice swayed Levi’s ears, the melody in her voice making him subtle and nostalgic.

“I have never stopped myself to watch this place, Captain.” He mumbled, almost too low for her to understand, but she did. Levi felt her jaw tense and knew she was smiling.

“It’s beautiful, isn’t it? This is what we fight for, Levi. For this place, this scenery, for the wind, for the people, for the oceans, for the animals, for us.” She let go of Levi to sit beside him, looking at him.

Levi finally got rid of his bandages, half of his face with a scar that marked a battle in transition; his left eye was hidden over a patch. She wanted so much to contain herself from touching his face once again. One after the other, every time she saw him like this, her hands immediately moved to touch his face. Levi doesn’t care much, but at the beginning he prohibited her to do so.

“Can I...?” The whisper made Levi look down, slowly nodding, not wanting to show her that he needed her to touch him.

Her fingertips rolled on his skin and scars, slowly, and carefully, she continue the path from the chin to his forehead. She stopped the movement once she reached his eye patch, looking at him for confirmation. He didn’t say anything, still staring at the ground in front of him, how the grass moved with the wind.

“I love your eyes, Levi.” She smiled at him, continuing her path, her fingers sinking inside his hair.

He finally let go of a sigh, looking up at her with the most saddest eyes, the color of his eyes slowly fainting by the light of the moon.

“If you die...” He started, stopping her movements. She frowned her eyebrows, looking back at him with fierce.

“Don’t say that. I’m not going to die. I’m not planning on doing so. My plan is to finish this war with Eren and those idiots, and then... we’ll retire in a cabin in the woods. We’ll have lots of kids. I’m still young, I can have at least 7 kids. Don’t you think?” She chuckled, Levi loving so much her action.

When was the last time he felt so affected by the emotions of another person? She had him wrapped on her fingers and yet he couldn’t do anything about that. He didn’t know the feelings he was going through. He didn’t understood what this new emotion was.

Was it really love like the books in the library described?

Was it the love Hange so furiously told him about when they stayed up almost all night drinking with Erwin and Mike?

Was love the past arrangement Erwin had with Nile’s wife?

Or was it that anxious feeling of seeing someone for the first time and noticing how beautiful they were?

He couldn’t decipher anything even if they were together. He was confused with all those emotions flowing into him. From the beginning, in his childhood, he never got to experience love and affection. Farlan and Isabel gave him affection, that friendship, and he learned from that. From Erwin he went through companionship, same with his squad, Hange and Mike. He understood those feelings; he already battled those and lost. Levi knew death, despair, loneliness, sadness; he knew all of those and yet he never once understood love.

She changed those thoughts so easily it scared him.

“You would look so beautiful holding our baby...” Her smile made Levi weak to the knees. How couldn’t he have fallen for her? “My plan is for us to be together until we are old and we decay with time. I want this to be over so we can be happy. What do you think?”

“...” Levi couldn’t say anything. If something he learned from all those years of loneliness and misery, it was to never dream too much. He wanted to live in the present because every time he thought things were alright something ended up wrong.

“Levi?” She looked so worried for him, letting her knees touch the grass in front of Levi.

His hands immediately hold her elbows, not wanting her to get on her knees and get her pants dirty just for him. Yet, she didn’t cared, only pushing away his hands a little bit to not make him feel bad.

“Talk to me, Ackerman.” Her voice soothes him. How many times has he loved hearing her call his name or just say anything in general?

He didn’t wanted to admit it, but having her near him, breathing, laughing, talking, whispering, singing... made him sleep so good for the first time. He finally let go of the worries in her arms and slowly pacified his urges of ending thing. Whenever he could sleep with her, he felt like the world didn’t needed to end just yet. Sleeping with her seemed like the only medicine he needed for days full of regret.

Either way, with those thoughts in his head while he stared down at the girl he profoundly fell for, he couldn’t let himself be like her.

Levi was the opposite of her. Down to earth, cold, and with secrets nobody needed to know. She was an open book, imaginative and lovable. He just didn’t wanted her to feel bad for saying words that could hurt her.

“This is real life, Captain. We are in a fragile situation right now in where we don’t know if tomorrow we will be alive. We live our lives to the fullest imagining that at some point we will stop and notice we fought so hard for our freedom.” Levi’s eyes connects with her, noticing how the light faded a little bit. “I can’t live in a fantasy... not when everything around me is based in reality. You are the one thing,” He stopped for a few seconds, his finger grabbing onto some of her locks. “I can’t loose.”

“You’re in bad luck, Levi, ‘cause I’m going into battle tomorrow and I promise you I will live. I won’t die yet. I can’t leave you alone.” Suddenly she pressed her forehead softly against Levi’s forehead, both of their noses slightly kissing. She closed her eyes and Levi admired her fractions.

He liked her so much.

She was the only reason why he hasn’t indulge into the darkness and end his life right there.

His fingers pressed her locks behind her ear, some of the hair covering his face and hers. She giggled at the humble actions of the man she loved with all her life. He continues to push her hair behind her ears, slowly passing his fingertips on her earlobe.

“Don’t die on me, brat. Keep fighting.” His whisper made her eyes crystallize. She felt the feelings behind those words. He wanted her to continue living even if he didn’t made it through another day.

She shook her head, the hairs from behind her ear falling back on her face as she pulled away from him.

Her hands locked onto his, pressing them on her chest tightly, a little careful of Levi’s bandage hand missing two of his fingers.

“No. Don’t YOU die on me, Levi. I want you to live and fulfill my wish with me. I want you to wake up tomorrow ready to battle and do everything it takes to come back into my arms. Many will die; death is inevitable, yet I’ll be here always. I want you to survive because you deserve to. I know how much you await death. You’ve been waiting for so long to feel it. The grass on your fingers, the blood gushing out of your mouth and the pain. But, Levi, I assure you, nothing is better than living the moment. Nothing will be better than this moment. You and me... finally together. I won’t let you die, Levi. We will have each other’s back. But you will survive even if it means me saving you over and over. I won’t let you fall into a darkness you won’t ever go out. I’ll light up your path every time you see it darken. I’ll keep the light up every time the wind tries to blow it. I’ll be here for you... until death do us apart.” Her eyes quickly tried to gush out the feelings, but the feelings were already dripping down her face.

Levi couldn’t stop himself anymore. He grabbed her cheek, pulled her up a little to be at the same height as him and pushed his lips against hers.

Her lips danced slowly on his, taking almost all the control of the kiss. Even if they were together for so long, Levi didn’t know a lot of things couple usually did. He didn’t know how to kiss, how to compliment, how to touch, how to love. Yet, she didn’t care for those small details. Being near her lover solely made her live happily.

Their lips continued to stick together, Levi wanting so hard to not let go. Maybe he didn’t wanted to let go because he wanted to love the moment like she told him to do; or maybe he felt the need to kiss her one last time just in case something bad happened.

Her hands touched Levi’s cheek, rubbing her fingertips on his cheek. He felt the cold round of tears pressing on his face, sticking them.

Breaking the kiss with a subtle movement, Levi gazed at her up and down, taking a mental picture of his lover for future references. For when the battle came, he could keep calm and fight dedicating his heart.

“Don’t cry, idiot.” He rolled her tear off her face with his right thumb. She nodded quickly, wiping her face with her long sleeve shirt.

“Promise me, Levi... we will fulfill my dream? Just promise me that.” His hand pressing on her cheek, she shoved it even closer to her.

He couldn’t promise that. He just couldn’t. Levi didn’t know if he was going to survive. The situation was getting dangerous and if everything went south, he would have to sacrifice himself to save the others. He needed to give them a future, Levi already fought enough, lived enough.

But now he had her... Now he was supposed to live to keep her by his side. He needed to survive. Yet, he just couldn’t say that to her. He wasn’t very good with words. Showing actions and taking actions was his forte.

The moon shined on them once again, the lighting in his eyes finally shinning again, the back of her head being lightened by the moon as well.

He wanted to live for her.

“I promise.” He mumbled, watching her shriek and throw herself on him, almost pushing both of them back into the ground.

She flowered him with kisses all over his face, being extremely careful of his eye and scar.

“I love you, Levi. Thank you. I’ll keep you safe.” Those words brought him so much joy. An emotion he hasn’t felt at all in his life, yet he was purely in love with this woman and he was going to make her happy.

“Me too, Captain.”

————————————

“Papa, papa, papa!” A little kid, around 6 years old with short dark hair and beautiful grey eyes threw himself at Levi. He catches him almost in midair and makes him sit on his arm and waist.

“What is it, Teo? I’ve told you to not interrupt me while I’m working.” The little kid shrugs his shoulders and purposely hides his face on Levi’s chest.

Levi noticed by the corner of his eye the little girl standing near the door, half of her face looking at him and the kid.

“Alora doesn’t want to play with me and I feel lonely.” His voice makes Levi tremble gently. Who would have thought that the Captain of the Survey Corps was going to be swayed by the adorable side of his older child?

“Alora, come here.” He turns around to the door, the little girl holding onto a dark teddy bear that hanged on her right hand and kept being swept on the floor.

She walked in with her face looking down on the floor. Alora couldn’t lie about it, she was almost scared of her father. He was always so quiet and cold; while she was the opposite. She was curious, a shining sun wherever she went, and a beautiful, intelligent little girl. With only 4 years old she already knew how to do basic math (something her mother continuously felt proud of and mentioned every time).

Levi looked down on her and gently squatted down with Teo on his arms, leading him to stand up on the floor.

Pressing his hand on Alora’s black, long soft hair that fell until her lower back and was tightly put in a ponytail, he smiled at her. Alora looked at her father and smiled back, loving those moments with him.

“Alora, would you like to play with your brother for a little while? Papa has some work to do, but once I’m done I’ll play with both of you. Anything that you want, I’ll play it.” He kept smiling, watching the kids as they celebrated that their dad was finally going to give them some attention. “Go play, kids.”

The kids rushed through the door, running into their rooms to play and have fun with each other.

Letting out a small sigh, Levi got up and sat down on his chair again. He still couldn’t believe he was a father of two children that made his life a whole heaven and a living hell as well.

A knock on the door caught him slightly by surprise, turning his attention towards now the person standing at the door.

He stared up and down at his wife, and how the dress made her look so irresistibly gorgeous.

She smiled at him and entered the room without invitation. Holding on her back for support, or for pain, she finally stood next to him. A hand pressed on Levi’s left shoulder, making Levi close his eyes and sigh again, loving so much her touch.

“You must be exhausted, Levi. Are you sure you can’t just finish this later? I could really use a massage, you know.” She leaned down a little bit, rubbing her nose on his cheek and ear.

“I have to finish today. I’ll be done soon.” Sighing once again, he let go of his desire to stop working and just let her shower him in affection and love.

“You’re so tense, dear.” Her hands touched his shoulders and made pressure on her hands to make him feel at ease. Levi’s head fell back a little bit, seeing his wife enjoying giving him all the love and attention he needed.

“Go do something else, brat. You’re always trying to make me feel good. I’m fine.” Levi pushed his body upwards, breaking the contact of her hands on his shoulders. She chuckled, understanding that Levi didn’t wanted to feel vulnerable at the state of tension he was in.

“Alright, Captain.” She makes the old salute, making Levi tremble at the sight. Even so, she continues to smile, leaning down on him to kiss him on the lips real quick.

“Tsk... idiot.” As soon as he said that, his body lay back at the chair, resting himself on it as he watched his wife walk away with a smile.

As soon as he heard his wife say dinner was ready, his body immediately got up and walked to the living room, seeing how the kids ran to the table. Getting from behind Alora, he helped her get on the chair. Giving her a short smile, Levi sat down at his respective chair, not having any other option than watching his wife put the plates and utensils at the table.

Levi always loved watching his wife do housework. He was a clean freak, and noticing how she always tried her best to keep everything tidy up and clean, made him love her even more. It wasn’t rude or anything, Levi helped a lot in the chores, helping whenever he wasn’t doing his own work.

“You’re slacking off, Levi.” She smiled, putting down the utensils next to his plate. He looked up at her, and her eyes shined to him. God, he could loose himself with just a stare.

“I’m tired.” He said with a sigh, resting on the chair.

“You could finish up quickly, papa.” Teo’s small voice makes Levi smile. His ear rings to that voice and he just enjoy his son’s voice.

“Yes, papa. You have to play with us.” Alora smiles while her mother pours some food on her plate.

“I know, kids.” His wife presses her thumbs to Levi’s nape, slowly rubbing it.

“Papa will be busy, but I’m sure he’ll take some time to play with you, kids. Right, darling?” Levi lets his neck fall back a little bit and looks up at her staring into his eyes. A faint blush covers his cheeks and he tries his best to hide it, yet she already notices.

“Yeah.” Mumbles, staring down at the food that was being served.

After they finished eating, Levi went back to his studio, trying as fast as he could to finish his work.

With a loud sigh, he finally finished doing all the things he had to do. He got up the chair, stretched his back and walked over to the room in where the kids were playing.

Standing on the entrance of the room, Levi let his back touch the wall and just decided to stare for a little bit at the kids giggling and playing.

He never had a childhood like that. All he knew while growing up was self defense. He knew how to stab, how to kill, how to defend himself. Levi didn’t know what other feelings were. The emotions he was feeling right now while watching his daughter show him her doll and his son the little train he got for his birthday, he didn’t know what that was called.

Knowing well enough how to battle an enemy, Levi never thought he would have to be fighting himself over and over in the future. He thought, maybe, after marrying her and starting a new life he would stop all those thoughts. And he did stop those thoughts. The birth of Teo brought into his life a whole new meaning that he didn’t know he needed so much.

Levi found love.

“Papa, papa! Come! Play with us.” The little girl’s voice shook him out of his thoughts. Looking up and down at her, he smiled, walking over to them and joining their small party.

Levi tucked both kids into bed. He wore them out enough for them to be knocked down cold into a huge sleep. Sliding the blanket over Teo and Alora, Levi kissed their small little forehead. If Erwin saw him right now he would have been surprised at the sight of weakness Levi was showing. “What would he say about this?”, Levi thought while staring down at the little girl holding tight her small bear. Nevertheless, Levi didn’t care. All he cared about were those kids and his wife. Erwin was long gone and he knew that if he saw that, Erwin would have been so proud of him. Levi found exactly what Erwin wanted for him, and what he wanted as well. No thoughts would change his mind on what his ex-Commander and best friend would have thought in that situation. Erwin would have been happy.

Turning off the light, Levi closed the door to the room and walked over to the room he shared with his wife.

And there she was, looking over at the door in wait for her husband. She smiled, opening her arms so she could get Levi next to her.

“Tsk. You’re a needy brat.” He crossed his arms, but still walked up to her. She grabs his hand and detangle them from his chest. Bringing him close to her, making him sit down on the bed, she gently pressed his hand on her belly.

Levi felt a knock, a kick, that startled him a lot. A life was in there. His next child was there. Levi finally understood that feeling. He felt it when Teo came the first time and when Alora also came. The feeling of being alive.

“It keeps kicking. It’s so funny.” She whispers near Levi’s shoulder, letting her head fall on his shoulder.

“He wants to kill you. I’ll kill him if he comes out like the other two. Disorganized and dirty.” His comment makes her laugh and Levi has no other option than to enjoy it. He wanted to record that in his mind forever. Her voice and her laugh.

“You silly... They are only like that because you let them be. I remember when I was a Captain and every time I saw you, you were scolding the cadets for leaving dirt everywhere.” She makes him remember, and he just snickers. He really was a strict Captain. And still, he always got the job done.

“I lived so long in dirty and dark places... I didn’t wanted HQ to be the same.” After he finishes talking, he feels another kick, letting go of a small smile.

“The HQ was bland. It was colorless. It reek of death and broken dreams. I didn’t like that so much.” She closes her eyes and rubs Levi’s hand over her belly.

“We didn’t have time to be thinking of colors. We were always living in a die or live situation.” She nods on his shoulder.

“I agree.”

“We should head to bed.” Levi mumbles again, not wanting to take his hand away from her belly or the warmth of her hand on his.

“Mhmm... let’s stay like this for a little while more. I missed your scent.” Her whisper makes Levi shiver, yet he only lets a small grunt come out of his throat, responding to her.

The small shallow breaths she was taking, the thumb rubbing on his hand, her hair falling on his shoulder and her thighs pressing on him made Levi so renewed. At the end of the day, all the tiredness faded away when she was there with him.

He knew she had her eyes closed, she was just resting on his shoulder. Yet, he wanted to look at her, kiss her, hold her, do everything he could think of even if she had a belly growing up. She has done so much for him and continues to do so by loving him every single day of their lives.

Levi slowly pulled his hand away from her belly and her, but now press it on her cheek. She opened her eyes and leaned back from his shoulder, now staring at him with bags under her eyes.

She was fucking stunning even when she was tired.

Letting his fingers roam from her cheek to her ear, pushing the hair to the back of her neck and ear; Levi cut the distance between each other and kisses her. Slowly, shaking and almost afraid of being too aggressive even if he wasn’t. Her hand found Levi’s shirt and gripped it. He pressed his other hand on her cheek and hold her face steady for him to kiss her better. Licking on her lip slowly, he went back and devoured her lips once again, showing off his dominating side.

Hearing her small moan, he let go of her. Staring deeply into her eyes, the small faint blush on her cheeks made him smirk. He loved making her flustered.

Slowly, but surely, Levi pressed his nose against her nose and gave her a lovely Eskimo kiss.

“I love you, Captain.” She said first, leaving him speechless once again like always.

He stared at her up and down, watching her completely. She always had this effect on him. Not for nothing they were married. Even so, Levi couldn’t be so easily frank like her. He loved her, but saying it was so difficult for him. Yet, when seeing her eyes shine the same way it did when they kissed for the first time, Levi couldn’t let her be disappointed on himself. He loved this woman with all of his life.

The woman who saved his life.

“I love you, too, (Y/N).”

————————————

“I’M NOT LEAVING HIM BEHIND, JEAN!!!!” The small faint voices of a girl during a silent world, were being simply shouted against the noise.

“We have to leave. We need to help Armin and Mikasa. If you stay here, we’ll be loosing you too, Captain. Please, reason with me here. We already lost Connie and Reiner is seriously injured. We need you.” Jean tried his best to reason with the girl who fearlessly continued to cry and shout at the tall man.

“NO!!! I CAN’T LEAVE HIM!!” She cries out, her tears falling in Jean’s arms and onto the floor.

“I understand, Captain. But Captain Levi wouldn’t want you to stay here and do nothing. We must continue to fulfill his wish and save the world. Please...” He couldn’t hold her anymore. She kept screaming while trying to push Jean away so she could hold her lover’s body on her arms. “CAPTAIN, GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER!!”

He let go of her and she fell on her knees, scrapping them against the rocks and sand. Yet, it didn’t hurt. Her body was numb to the exterior damage. She just couldn’t react to any of that. All she could do was cry and cry and keep crying.

Her body crawled closed to her lover’s body and she grabbed his bloody hand.

When did that happened? How did it happened? Where was she? How did she let that happen?

She kept questioning herself over and over again into the smallest details. Levi’s death was upon her and she couldn’t help but blame herself.

Levi’s soulless body was laying on the ground, his left arm missing and his left leg. He was not coming back from this one and she knew it. After everything she promised. After everything she tried to do to keep him safe, she failed every and each of those promises.

“Wake up, Levi... Yo-You... you promised... You pro-promised we were going to live. You promised ME you were going to live. You promised, you promised, you promised... YOU PROMISED!!!” Her shouts could be heard all over the quiet ambient. Jean let some tears fall down as well, his head falling forward to not be seen weak.

She grabbed Levi’s body and got him close to her, pushing his face near her and sobbing. Tears falling down on Levi’s face, almost washing away the dirt and the blood. She just couldn’t believe that was happening. Levi was actually dead, his body resting on her arms.

“You promised... we were going to have kids... and live happy in a little house on the woods! We were going to raise our children the way they never raised us. Please... please... Levi, please, I love you. Don’t go... don’t leave me!”

The sound of her sobbing suddenly were muffled by extremely loud crashing sounds.

Jean looked over to where the sound came and his eyes became plates. He quickly grabbed her arm and pulled her forcefully, making her shriek and cry harder.

“Captain, Armin is in trouble. We need you. I know it hurts. I know you and Levi had dreams. But right now, if you don’t stand and get your shit together, everything that Captain Levi fought for will be for nothing! DEDICATE YOUR HEART!” Her red face and covered with tears, dust and blood suddenly came to a halt.

Levi wouldn’t wanted her to be like this and not in that moment. She gazed at Levi’s body on the floor one last time, got closed to it, kneeled down and after crying out her last tears, she gave him a farewell kiss.

She wiped her tears off and got up, her face drastically changing to pure anger.

“Let’s save humanity, Jean. DEDICATE YOUR HEART, SOLDIER!!”

The End

Thank you so much for reading.

Have a good day or night, darling. 🥰

[canyouhearthelight]

The Miys, Ch. 136

This chapter was a chance to explore some more science-based tropes that I absolutely love in stories.  The truth is, when I’m working at my day job, I love listening to documentaries on Curiosity and YouTube channels like Answers with Joe or Kurzgesagt. My love of science fiction actually comes from my love of space and astronomy, not the other way around.

In no way, shape, or form, does this chapter cover any of the concepts in question in full. It’s just a quick convo between Sophia and a good friend ;)

My thanks, as always, go to @baelpenrose, @the-raven-fae, @charlylimph-blog, and @anotherusrname. Plus all of YOU!

Even as my mind wandered, I couldn’t help but grin a bit as I took my weekly stroll through the corridors of the Ark with Miys in tow.  For several years now, we had a standing appointment on my calendar that both Alistair and Tyche treated as sacrosanct - just some time for me to spend with our host, my friend, and learn more about each other.  When I had originally arrived on the Ark, any time I was seen walking with them, other humans would give me odd looks, but never approach.  Now, people would recognize me, smile, and wave, but still never interrupted the strolls.

It was nice. Like my weekly family dinners, it was a routine, pleasant part of my life. Especially days like today, when we were entering the dawn-cycle and each day became a little brighter. It made me wonder about other civilizations, ones that would have evolved in conditions like the ones we were adapting ourselves for. How did it affect them? How would it affect us as generations passed? Future generations were certainly going to be shorter, due to the high gravity. Would it change our technological advances as well - 

“Wisdom, why are you thinking so hard about Gestrcht Clusters?” Miys interrupted my thoughts.

“Hm?” I asked absently. “What’s a Jestrick Cluster?”

“Gestrcht,” they corrected mildly. “Gestrcht clusters are a type of civilization that has adapted to live in artificial platforms surrounding their sun, in order to better harness the solar energy, radiation, or heat needed.”

“You mean a Dyson swarm?” I tried to clarify, confused.

“All of the galaxy calls them Gestrcht clusters, therefore I think that is what you mean.”

“Alright, alright,” I laughed, holding my hands up in defeat. “The reason I was thinking about Gestruck clusters - “

“Gestrcht”

“I will work on it. The reason I was thinking about those is… I was wondering how living on Von will change our priorities. In our history, those constructions were something that fascinated both imagination and science - something several people thought was our launching pad to a Kardashev Type II civilization, or the singularity point. Maybe both.”

“Kardashev…” they hummed for a moment, thinking. “Only humanity would create goals of technological advancement that required destruction on a multi-planetary scale.”

I desperately wanted to object, but strongly suspected they were right. “So we were wrong, again? There are no civilizations out there that would fit what we imagined for a Kardashev I or II race?”

“I will concede to the existence of species that you would consider both. However, it is not how you believe it to be - humanity would never have been able to accomplish it without greater sacrifice than they have ever known.”

Oh boy. “Tell me? I want to understand why other species could do it, but we could not.” My curiosity needed to know.

They held up one of their liw, rocking it back and forth in imitation of a human head tilt. “Species that have managed to harness all of the energy produced by their planet, and not destroy their environments, have historically been those who had very little power to harness to begin with. These civilizations come from either very harsh, or very gentle worlds - never anything in between. Abundant wind energy scouring a planetary desert can greatly benefit a species who can harness that wind to temper it and create a paradise. A planet with no atmosphere, but incredible amounts of geothermal energy runs little risk in being able to direct all of that volcanic activity to its benefit. But Earth?”

“Is a deathworld,” I pointed out. “You said so yourself.”

“This is true, but it is not a deathworld in the way So’Kn is, for example. Preeyar and So’kn are planets that are lethal for very singular reasons: So’Kn is a frozen waste of permanent night and eternal wind. It is so harsh that only So’Knor can truly survive there with without significant technological assistance. Preeyar only has atmosphere in its valleys, and that is thinner than most species can survive, much less the fact that there are no liquids on Preeyar. None. The air pressure is too low to allow it for any chemicals that are naturally occurring, and the atmosphere violently reacts with any elements that could exist in liquid form. It is, in fact, believed that the rift valleys were caused by simply an icy meteor impacting the planet.”

“Ho-lee shit,” I whispered.

“I doubt many cultures would find it holy at all,” they joked drily. “Whereas Earth… There is no one singular quality about Earth that classifies it as a deathworld. Instead, there are several, each stemming from the abundant forms of energy offered by your home world.”

“Seriously!?”

“Indeed. And the combinations thereof. The length of natural disasters that are possible, alone, is unique to Earth. Tornadoes and earthquakes. Flooding and wildfires. Volcanoes and hurricanes. Methane just rising from your lakes to kill large swathes of people. Lakes below your oceans, Wisdom! Volcanoes below your oceans! It is insanity to the entirety of the Galaxy, and yet humans consider that just a normal aspect of existence.”

“And… what exactly does that have to do with being able to harness all the energy of our planet, exactly?” To say I was confused was an understatement.

To their credit, Miys only reached with one vomu to make a ‘nose pinching’ gesture against its head. “Earth, somehow, is only habitable and so abundant in life because everything exists in a precarious balance. Surely, the last two centuries of your own history demonstrated that. Attempting to harness all of the admittedly prodigious energy of your planet would have ended up destroying that balance beyond compare.”

I tried to comprehend it. I really did. Focusing on what little I knew, I thought about dams. Those were familiar to me - I had grown up in an area that dammed every river and creek possible for everything from grain mills and fruit presses, to artificial fish ponds, to electricity. “Starting there…” it was faster not to explain out loud when I knew Miys was following along with the home game, “Damming a river creates a lake. That floods an area that already has a habitat, and dries out another area that already has an aquatic habitat.”

“And prevents floods that fertilize fields and redistribute minerals from erosion, yes.”

“Right. Times every river, creek, and faint trickle on Earth…” I stopped myself. Every river. The Amazon. The Nile. “And we just washed out what’s left of the largest rainforest on Earth.”

“Leaving more carbon in the air…” they encouraged.

“And increasing the greenhouse effect, increasing heat on the surface, melting more ice, which - hey, more wind, amirite? - but changing planetary albedo, more water, wetter Sahara, no dust to fertilize… South America? Dammit, are we back to killing the Amazon again?”

“That is just one form of energy, Wisdom. But I feel you are understanding the issue.”

“Yeahhhh…” I trailed off. “Okay, so. Kardashev I is no bueno tacos for Earth. What if we skipped straight to Kardashev II slash singularity?” I made a point to focus on the concept of technological singularity very hard, so there would be less need for research on their part. You know, spare myself half a minute or so. “The Gestrkt clusters.”

“Closer,” they admitted, although I was suspicious they meant my pronunciation and not the idea that humanity would ever get there. “Humanity is not… suited, for Gestrcht clusters.”

“Wait, what?”

“Humanity is too curious, too social, and too exploratory. Your fiction abounds with every variation of different worlds and strange universes you could possibly conceive of. And it constantly expanded - your oldest texts involve travelling to your moon, and when you actually reached it, you looked further out - other systems, other galaxies, other dimensions. Gestrcht clusters require such substantial resources and maintenance, there is little left over for exploration.”

“There are humans who would be perfectly content living in such a structure,” I argued, although my heart wasn’t in it. I wouldn’t have been, knowing that other worlds were out there.

“Not enough to sustain it, unfortunately. Not even in what you call the Before.” Lightly resting one vomu on my shoulder, they squeezed gently. “Wisdom, humanity has always wanted to see other worlds. Gestrcht clusters are all or nothing.”

“And singularity?” I asked, barely managing a hoarse whisper.

“It is true that there have been some singleton species that have achieved what you term singularity with technology. Fewer have been successful.” When I glanced at them, all six upper appendages were held up in defense. “Hive minds are uniquely suited to it, and even some of us,” they waved those same six appendages at their torso, “would never accept it. I could never imagine not having the chance to travel the galaxy, to be with other races as they experience it. Add to that, humanity is somehow both individual and social. Removing that line, that choice? I doubt your kind would thrive. Postulate this: Derek, in a hive mind.”

“Absolutely not,” came my unhesitating response, disgust and violence trembling in every limb before I calmed myself. “And I see your point. Integrating technology in our lives, into how we function…” I tapped my head for emphasis, “that’s one thing. It makes our lives better, by making sure that Derek, and others, can have their personal space protected.” The more I thought about it… I never considered the idea in reference to ‘now’, only ‘eventually’. What if we did it now, and I was one of the people - suddenly never alone, always connected to every thought of strangers via technology. What if Tyche was? Or Maverick? Hell, Charly? “I think I need a shower, now,” I admitted, skin crawling.

“Humanity could achieve both,” Miys confirmed, although it didn’t feel as reassuring as I had hoped it would at the beginning of our conversation. “But I don’t think humanity would truly want to live in Gestrcht clusters or singularity, given any other choice but extinction.”

Laughing, I wiped a tear from one eye.  It was a bitter truth, but still true. “I think you’re right.”

“I may be wrong,” they countered. “As I said, there are singleton species who have made those transitions and the entire galaxy is better for it.”

“Some hope that we weren’t entirely wrong would be nice right about now,” I mumbled as I scuffed my shoe at the floor. There wasn’t anything to kick except Else-puffs, and that was just mean as fuck.

“Most species that made a transition to Gestrcht clusters early in their development are belligerent, insular species. The fact that they must focus all their efforts and resources on maintaining their platforms prevents them from becoming actively warlike. As far as ‘singularity’... singleton species who thrive in that transition are often species who cannot thrive on a galactic scale otherwise.”

Huh? I craned my neck to try to look up at them in the perpetual-dawn light. “What do you mean?”

Miys flicked a datapad open - one I know they only wore for our sakes, seeing as they could not actually see anything on the purely-optical screen, I had learned. They could only navigate it if interacting with a human, so they could ‘see’ what they needed to tap out.

Needless to say, Charly and Grey had been working for years on one that responded to sonic commands.

Eventually, a seven-fingered flick caused my own databand to chirp. I flicked it open to see the file. “They… Noah, this looks like sentient pollen… or feathers…” Realistically, any description I tried to create fell devastatingly short. The being on my datapad moved as though it was floating on wind, with tens of thousands of filament-fine tendrils swaying and navigating. The sound it created reminded me of the sound of snowfall, if snowflakes could sing opera. “They’re beautiful,” I sniffed, driving back tears at knowing something so breathtaking existed.

“They also cannot survive off their planet, unfortunately. Even the transition out of their atmosphere is lethal to them.”

My heart shattered into a million pieces. “What is their name?”

“No one knows for certain. But they have achieved a sort of singularity - once they have matured and reproduced, they upload themselves at the end of their very brief lifecycles. In the Galactic Community, they are known as Odvub.”

“Odvub…” I whispered, holding out my fingers like I could actually touch the screen.

“Outside of a Hujylsogox rescue ship, it is nearly impossible to avoid encountering Odvub. Most believe they are some sort of galactic artificial intelligence, and they prefer to allow that belief.”

“Why are you telling me this, then?”

“They have permitted it, when these sort of questions are asked. To show what desperation is required for a singleton species to thrive in singularity.”

I sniffed, desperately trying not to cry at their situation. “Do they know about humans?”

“They may be the only species who could not avoid knowing about it. But Odvub believes your people are hearty, and adaptable, and should never suffer their fate. They advised, in the event that your people ever ask about singularity, to do this…” Miys gently cupped my cheek in one liw and patted it, “and tell you that you will never need to resort to what they had to do, and that they look forward to meeting your people one day.”

“Obviously not face to face,” I admitted quietly. “I have allergens that are more substantial than they are.”

“It is considered a great honor in the Galactic Community for this icon to display when  you interact with Odvub.” Miys gestured at the vicinity of the image on my datapad. “Only those who know why, know why it is an honor.”

“We’ll take it,” I laughed, tears streaming down my cheeks. “All of humanity may never know why, but we’ll take it. If I may tell Arthur, we probably will know why.” He would see to it. Loudly, angrily, derisive of anyone who mocked it. “Regardless, we’ll take it, all the same.”

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[phoenix-downer]

The Princess of Light Chapter 7: This Is Warmth

~1520 words. Angst, Romance, Fluff, Fairy Tales. For SoKai Week 2021, Day 7.

Summary: Princess Kairi is cursed to be without love when she is a baby. She grows up cold and without a heart to help her understand other people’s feelings, no matter how hard her parents try to help her. One day, however, she meets a mysterious prince from a faraway world, and he just might hold the key to breaking her curse.

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 7

Everything feels quite heavy after you’ve had a brush with death, and for Sora things were no different. He was swimming against a strong current that dragged him down and pulled him further into darkness. Wouldn’t it be easier to just let go? Give up and sink deeper? Give his heart and soul to the abyss? 

He was as good as dead anyway. His life for hers, his heart to save the Heart of the World. That was the deal; that was the only way the magic inscribed on the lucky charm would work. 

“Sora!”

Her voice. He’d never expected to hear it again. And yet here it was, calling out to him. 

“Please wake up!” she cried. 

“I’m asleep?” he said weakly. “I thought I was dead.”

“Sora!”

He sat up, groggy. A heavy fog lingered over his whole body, like he was swimming through syrup. The way she’d said his name—so tenderly, with so much care and worry—he’d never dreamed he’d hear such a thing thanks to her curse. Her voice compelled him, and he had to answer.

“Kairi,” he said softly, sweetly, allowing himself to address her without her title. Light pierced the darkness, and strength surged through him. He swam towards the light, and with each passing moment it got easier and easier to go against the dark current trying to drag him back down to the abyss. At last the light enveloped him, warm and soft and bright, and his eyes flew open. 

He gasped for air, drawing it into his lungs like he couldn’t get enough of it. Never does oxygen feel so wonderful as it does when you haven’t had enough of it. He gulped it in, swallowed it and grasped it till his blood was pumping it through his veins. Once that was taken care of, he could attend to his beloved Kairi hovering over him. He mustered a weak smile for her. Had she really stayed with him all this time? 

“Kairi,” he said tenderly, then cupped her cheek. She burst into tears, an entire lifetime’s worth pouring out of her all at once, and a lump built in his throat. Her very first tears since she was a baby, and they were for him. “It’s okay,” he said softly. “I’m alive. It’s gonna be okay.” 

She cried and cried and cried like he’d never seen anyone cry before, and thunder rumbled through the room and lightning illuminated the sky. And then it rained and rained and rained, like the whole world was in tune with her tears. 

He put his arms around her, and she just kept crying and crying. He felt a few tears of his own well up in his eyes as he held her. No more strange gap in her back where the hole in her heart should be. Instead she felt warm and firm as she shuddered and sobbed into his chest.

When at last she had cried the last of her tears, he cupped her cheek and smiled. “You begged me to wake up again, and I heard your voice.” 

That brought a fresh wave of tears from her, but those tears were mixed with smiles and laughter. She paused for a moment and touched her chest. 

“Huh? There’s—There’s no hole anymore—”

She looked at Sora and then at Aqua.

“The curse must be broken!” Aqua cried and held her arms out. 

Kairi tried to stand, but she immediately lost her balance. Sora grabbed her before she could tumble to the floor, then gently brought her back to the bed.

“My chest is so heavy!” she cried, her eyes wide. “Like it’s pulling me down to earth.”

Sora smiled sadly. “You do have your heart back, then.”

A heart was a wonderful thing to have, but it also brought sorrow and pain with it. The joy and delight made it worth it though. Especially when the king and queen entered the room and saw the curse was lifted and their daughter was restored. 

“Kairi!” the queen cried and ran to the bed. She brought her daughter into her embrace, and the king soon joined them both in a group hug. The three of them wept together, for Kairi finally understood what it was to cry. Sora sighed happily at the sight unfolding before him. The king and queen had dreamed of this moment for so long, and he knew it was important to give the family their space. But then the king looked at Sora with such gratitude that Sora was moved deeply by his display of emotion.

“Thank you, Sora,” he said, his voice breaking a little. Sora didn’t know what to say, but that was quite alright, as the king simply pulled him into the group hug. And then of course the queen brought Aqua in so that all five of them were embracing. This moment was only possible because of Sora’s sacrifice and Kairi’s light that had willed him back to life, and such marvelous things had to be celebrated. Together their hearts had created the most powerful magic of all.

~~~

Over the next few weeks, Kairi had to relearn how to walk, for having her heart restored had completely changed her center of gravity. Thankfully, she had a very eager and willing teacher by her side every step of the way. Sora took her outside near the light pool, and she used the nearby trees to hobble from one support to the next as he waited patiently with outstretched arms.

“I never thought having a heart would be this heavy,” Kairi said as she grasped her chest, panting for breath. She felt as if every step would make her go tumbling to the ground. She searched Sora’s face for some sort of encouragement. “Will it always feel like this?”

He shook his head. “Not always. Sometimes it’ll feel heavy, sure. You’ll feel sad or down or lonely. But that’s not all you’ll be able to feel.” At this he swept her up into his arms like he had so many times before when they fell in together. “Other times, your heart will be so full you can hardly stand it,” he added, for he was speaking of how he currently felt. “You’ll feel like you’re so happy you’re soaring,” he continued, spinning her around for good measure as she laughed with delight. Her laughter was so different from how it had been before; it was so warm and full of life.

“Like how I feel now?” she asked with a sweet smile, and he nodded and grinned. Then she kissed him, and at first his eyes went wide, and then they fluttered shut as he returned the kiss. You would hardly have been able to find a happier young man in all the worlds. 

“So this is warmth,” she said afterwards, resting her forehead against his and sighing happily.

“This is warmth,” he confirmed, and she covered his face in such a flurry of kisses that his heart nearly burst. He carried her to the little hill over the light pool as fast as possible, and together they jumped in again, plunging in once more.

Now, I mentioned before that when Sora restored the Heart of the World, he restored the rest of the light pools and lakes and streams and rivers of Radiant Garden too. And indeed he did, just like the prophecies said. So the people of Radiant Garden once more enjoyed the delights of the light flowing throughout their land. No longer was it limited to just the royal family. 

Eventually Kairi could walk on her own again, and the moment she could, she insisted she and Sora be married. Everyone happily agreed, Sora most of all. Watching her carefully walk down the aisle to him like they’d practiced so many times made his heart swell. And the smile on her face and the happy tears in her eyes as they exchanged their vows? It made everything that had come before worth it. Kairi had the biggest, brightest, most beautiful heart of them all.

Now, you might be wondering what happened to Maleficent. By necessitating Sora’s sacrifice to save the Heart of the World and thus Kairi, she also ensured her defeat. The moment the last of Sora’s light exploded out of him and fully restored the Heart of the World and everything else, it poured through her castle just like it poured over the rest of Radiant Garden. Coming into direct contact with something so good and pure gave Maleficent such a shock that she keeled over dead. Either that or the entire castle collapsing around her did her in. The soldiers who found her weeks later weren’t entirely sure. 

Either way, at long last the person who had brought such suffering to Radiant Garden, to the king and queen, to Princess Kairi, and to Prince Sora, was gone. Never again was Kairi’s heart cursed. She and Sora were happily married the rest of their days and ruled graciously and wisely. And they had several delightful children, all of whom enjoyed the full use of their hearts.

~~~

A/N: Thank you to everyone who read, reblogged, and commented on my story! I really appreciate all the support ❤️If you enjoyed this adaptation, I would highly recommend the original story (The Light Princess by George MacDonald). And thank you again @scoobysnack1107​ for reading over the story for me! Happy SoKai Week everyone!

[ouyangzizhensdad]

RE: WWX and his arc being about trauma. I got into the fandom through CQL and the first time I saw it I actually read a lot of his actions post the burning of Lotus Cove as being influenced by his trauma. He's paranoid even before getting thrown into the burial mounds. He seems to be self medicating with alchohol (which WQ kinda calls him out on). He over-reacts to a lot things, which seems to me like a nasty case of emotional dysregulation as a result of PTSD. He avoids all kinds (1/3)

Of reminders of his tramua, his sword being the greatest example but there were other little things. He never gave much of a fuck about propriety but the way he completely igonres it (and the possible social fallout) later speaks to me less about not caring and more about not *having* the emotional capacity to care, much like what happens with depression. Plus, a lot of his behaviour can be read with various shades of being self destructive, and there are just in general a lot of points (2/3)

Where it's made clear that he's in a pretty bad headspace (him crying about being useless in the burial mounds for example), but none of that ever really gets dealt with so all of those issues are still hanging under the surface even if they're not apparent all the time. I mean, this is just my take, but at least imo WWX ticks a lot of the checkboxes for PTSD in the drama and it explains a lot about the way he acts and the bad decisions he makes. Hope this was helpful! (3/3)

I'm only referring to the drama btw, not the novel (which I haven't read yet). My memory is terrible so I'm not sure if I made it clear or not lol. Anyways, have a good day ^^

Hi there, 

I am always curious when people who have only engaged with CQL end up engaging with my novel-only meta blog but perhaps I shouldn’t be surprised: if CQL posts end up in the mdzs tag, why not the opposite? I’ve seen some of my novel meta reblogged and tagged with “the untamed” and “CQL” so maybe the answer is already out there, staring at me in the face! 

I’ll start by saying that I do not wish to really argue with people’s interpretations of CQL since I consider that MDZS and CQL are very different works because so many changes were made in the process of adapting the novel, and I personally have no interest in analysing CQL except wrt  how it can help us better understand the novel (seeing certain elements removed or changed may help us understand why they mattered in the first place or what their use was). So I will speak to the arguments that could be applied to the novel and why *I* don’t think WWX’s arc in the novel is about trauma, and why I don’t think that picking up certain behaviours that can be exhibited by people with PTSD (but not exclusively by people with PTSD) is enough in itself to support the idea that a character’s arc is about trauma/shaped by PTSD. That does not mean that my interpretation is the only acceptable one--I am aware that a lot of people disagree with me on this and see trauma as a central theme/central part of WWX’s arc--and so I expect that a lot of people will disagree with my points (hopefully after they’ve read this post in good faith). And that’s perfectly fine: how likely is it that we can find another person who will agree 100% with our own interpretation of a work of fiction? And having divergent opinions floating around the fandom, or having to develop counter-arguments is a good way to strengthen our own pov if we don’t find ourselves convinced by that other interpretation, so it’s all good. 

So first, I’ll address the biggest point of my argument before moving to address more specific points you raise in your ask. For me, WWX’s characterisation is not about trauma but about resilience. 

So first, let’s clarify some things. Going through adversity/experiencing a situation that is difficult =/= experiencing trauma. Trauma is a concept referring to a potential response to going through adversity/experiencing something distressing or disturbing. In short, trauma as it is conceptualised and understood is not universal: not only in the sense that is a spatiotemporally specific concept used to make certain experiences intelligible, but as the reaction to difficult events (as well, what is considered to be an experience that falls under that concept is not itself universal and can take many gorms, and the behaviours and thoughts associated with trauma are generally not exclusive to it, ie having certain behaviours/thought processes is not an automatic proof that someone is dealing with trauma/ptsd). So after all this word vomit I want to clarify that my intent is not to suggest that WWX doesn’t go through experiences that are likely to cause trauma, but that to me, what is being portrayed is a different reaction to these events: resilience (if a slightly more “fictional” portrayal of resilience than what it would be presented in psychology/psychiatry). 

Resilience refers to how people adapt or recover successfully from adversity/distressing situation/stress. That does not mean that people’s first reaction to adversity/distressing situations will be not defined by negative emotions, of course. For instance, I don’t think WWX’s heightened paranoia/emotional state directly after the fall of LP when he goes to look for JC is an indication of trauma because at this point WWX is still deep in the middle of that moment of adversity: he’s still a fugitive in the middle of a war, in the middle of danger. This also doesn’t mean that people cannot still have some temporary negative reactions to things that happened to them, afterwards: WWX having to pause when JC presents him with Suibian after he returns from Mass Grave Hill is not inherently an indication of trauma as it can be read that his sword a reminder of the difficult sacrifice he made--and the consequences he faced as a result (just because a situation was not traumatic doesn’t mean we enjoy revisiting it).

Why I think that WWX’s arc or characterisation is about resilience rather than trauma is because of many things, but mostly I want to point out two sections of the novel in particular. 

First, this characterisation of WWX through JYL that we get relatively early in the novel:

Most memories from back then were already blurred. Yet, Jin Ling’s mother, Jiang Yanli, remembered all of them, and even told him quite a few. She said that, after his father heard of the news that his parents both died in battle, he had always dedicated himself to finding the child that these past friends had left behind. After searching for a while, he finally found the child in Yiling. 

The first time they met, Wei Wuxian was kneeling on the ground, eating the fruit peels that somebody tossed on the ground. Yiling’s winter and spring were quite cold, yet the child only wore thin layers. His knees were already tattered, and on his feet were two different shoes that didn’t fit at all. As he was looking down, searching for fruit peels, Jiang Fengmian called him. He still remembered that there was a “Ying” in his name, so he lifted his head. Although his cheeks were both red and chapped from the cold, he still wore a smile. 

Jiang Yanli said that he was born with a smiling look. No matter what unfortunate thing happened, he wouldn’t cling on to them; no matter what situation he was in, he would be happy. Although it sounded a bit heartless, it really was not bad.

This refers to a time of his life that is extremely difficult: he lost both his parents suddenly, at a young age, became suddenly homeless with no means to feed himself except to beg, and yet the only trauma he seems to carry from this experience is related to dogs. To me, this is a clear move from MXTX to position WWX as the kind of protagonist who can face a storm and keep his smile on his face. I can imagine that some people take it perhaps as a subversion, as the text telling us that WWX is weathering it all with a smile but underneath it all he is just a bundle of unaddressed trauma. And that’s certainly a possible interpretation, but it’s not mine. In this case I think the text is being straightforward. What we see of WWX also seems to support that: the way WWX just rolls with being brought back from the death, how easily he finds a way to adapt to things, etc.

I also find it meaningful that the novel choses to include in its ultimate chapter this discussion as part of its wrap-up of WWX’s journey and of Wangxian’s relationship.

After they left the shop, Wei Wuxian still sat on Xiao Pingguo while Lan Wangji held the reins in front.Swaying left and right atop the donkey, Wei Wuxian took the flute from his waist and placed it by his lips. The limpid notes flew across the sky like birds. Lan Wangji halted and listened quietly.

It was the song he sang for Wei Wuxian when they were stuck in the Xuanwu cave. It was also the song that Wei Wuxian just so happened to have played at Dafan Mountain, the song that enabled Lan Wangji to confirm his identity.

When he finished, Wei Wuxian winked his left eye towards Lan Wangji.

“How was it? Beautiful, huh?”

Lan Wangji slowly nodded. “For once.”

Wei Wuxian knew that ‘for once’ referred to how his memory was good for once. He could not help but smile.

“Don’t always be so angry about it. It was my fault in the past, alright? Besides, my terrible memory should be accredited to my mom.” Wei Wuxian propped his arm on Xiao Pingguo’s head, spinning Chenqing in his hand. “My mom said you have to remember the things others do for you, not the things you do for others. Only when people don’t hold so much in their hearts would they finally feel free.”

This was one of the only things he remembered about his parents.

Of course, this is not a direct reference to resilience as it is explored in psychology. But to me it speaks to that idea: one of the biggest lesson WWX has kept with him, one of his only memory of--and thus legacy from--his parents, is this idea that we should not hold so much in our hearts. It also reframes his bad memory as being the result of a philosophy, of an approach to life that not just about being grateful/paying your debts to others, but also a form of resilience, in a sense. 

As well, I find that a lot of people who go with the trauma interpretation see WWX’s actions and thoughts processes dyring his YLLZ’s days as being the result of his ptsd, where I personally read it as the influence of modao. I am aware as well that some people do not think that modao actually harmed WWX during that period of his life, but I don’t think that LWJ would have been worried if there were not reasons to believe it would:

One against two, Lan Wangji still refused to back off. He gazed at Wei Wuxian, “Wei Ying, for cultivating an evil path you would eventually have to pay. Throughout time, there has not been a single exception.”

Wei Wuxian, “I can pay.”

Seeing how unconcerned he seemed to be, Lan Wangji lowered his voice, “The path would not only damage your body, but your heart as well (此道损身，更损心性。)”

So now, onto the specific points you raised in the ask.

Self-medicating with alcohol: WWX is shown to enjoy and drink large amounts of alcohol before the fall of LP and after most of the events of the novel have unfolded. In the novel, while WQ tries to make WWX stop drinking, it is as likely to believe that it is for his health (now that he doesn’t have a golden core) than it would be because she was worried he was self-medicating. As well, heavy drinking is a very normalized behaviour (although most physicians don’t think it’s a good thing) in a lot of cultures and times, and considering WWX’s higher tolerance and his general demeanor while imbricated, his drinking is not shown to have a negative effect on his ability to live his life. The line between “self-soothing” (normal aspect of being humans dealing with emotions and hardships) and “self-medicating” (pathological) is hard to trace with alcohol consumption. As well, just because people with PTSD may self-medicate with alchohol doesn’t mean all people who self-medicate with alcohol do it because of PTSD. 

He's paranoid even before getting thrown into the burial mounds. As I mentioned briefly before, WWX is at the time a fugitive in the middle of a war: he’s still in the middle of those stressful events and his paranoia is not necessarily a maladaptive response since they are still very much fugitives in the middle of a war. Trauma is not really your reaction during but in the aftermath. It would be more telling if WWX were still exhibiting signs of paranoia in situations where he would have no reasons to. 

He over-reacts to a lot things, which seems to me like a nasty case of emotional dysregulation as a result of PTSD. I’m not certain at which reactions you are referring to here, but especially considering that some of this might be chalked up to acting choices since this is based on CQL, I probably won’t address this one point too much in relation to the novel. I do want to emphasize though that we’ve seen prior to Sunshot campaign that WWX can be quite impulsive in certain situations (hitting JZX for insulting Shijie, which he does both before and after the events of the Sunshot Campaign). As well, I do think it’s important to remember that he is still in the middle of the war during the Sunshot campaign, and that he is also hiding something pretty important from the people close to him and living a sort of double life, on top of experiencing fatigue/hunger in a way he hasn’t for years due to the loss of his golden core. In short, there are a lot of things going on that can be used to explain what can be seen as “over-reactions” without necessarily going with PTSD.

avoids all kinds  reminders of his trauma, his sword being the greatest example but there were other little things. I’ve broached in my previous discussions, but it’s also pertinent to remember his mom’s philosophy: we can also see this as WWX trying to leave in the pass this difficult sacrifice he made in order to move forward. 

He never gave much of a fuck about propriety but the way he completely ignores it (and the possible social fallout) later speaks to me less about not caring and more about not *having* the emotional capacity to care, much like what happens with depression. I have to disagree with that interpretation of WWX and WWX’s actions, but again this might just be a case of CQL-only vs novel-only interpretations of the character. One thing WWX thinks about being reborn in a “lunatic’s” body is that he’ll get to have fun, the way he never could when his actions reflected on others. So while at times WWX flaunts propriety, he is aware of how his actions can impact others and show in different situations that he is aware of propriety. His choice to protect the Wen Remnants goes against that, for sure, but it isn’t necessarily a case of not understanding the possible social fallout so much as putting other things (ie his life-debt towards WN and WQ) before propriety, as we can see for example in this exchange.

Jiang Cheng, “I’m the one who fucking wants to give you a thrashing! Yes, they helped us before, but why in the world don’t you understand that right now any remnant of the Wen Sect is a target of criticism! No matter who they are, with a surname of Wen they have committed a most heinous crime! And those who protect the Wen are at risk of being condemned by everyone! All the people loathe the Wen-dogs so badly that the worse they die the better. Whoever protects them is against the entire world. Nobody would speak for them, and nobody would speak for you either!”

“I don’t need anyone to speak for me.”

[...]

Swords unsheathed, the two stared at each other for a while. Neither was willing to take a single step back. A while later, Jiang Cheng spoke, “Wei Wuxian, have you still not realized what the situation at hand is like? Do you really need me to say it out loud? If you insist on protecting them, then I won’t be able to protect you.”

“There’s no need to protect me. Just let go.”

Jiang Cheng’s face twisted.

Wei Wuxian, “Just let go. Tell the world that I defected. From now on, no matter what Wei Wuxian does, it’d have nothing to do with YunmengJiangShi.”

“… All for the Wen Sect…? Wei Wuxian, do you have a savior complex? Is it that you’ll die if you don’t stand up for someone and stir up some trouble?”

Wei Wuxian stayed quiet. A while later, he answered, “So that’s why we should cut ties right now, in case anything I do affects YunmengJiangShi in the future.”

a lot of his behaviour can be read with various shades of being self destructive Which ones, specifically? I’m not trying to be obtuse, but I’m not sure which ones you mean. 

he's in a pretty bad headspace (him crying about being useless in the burial mounds for example) It needs to be said that the crying is only in CQL (it was an acting choice by XZ). My memory is playing tricks on me, but I think pre-rebirth we only see him cry after he kills JZX and after JYL’s death? Someone please fact-check me on this. 

Since I don’t believe it was MXTX’s intent to make WWX’s characterisation and arc about trauma, I do feel like interpreting the different behaviours as signs of his PTSD might lead us to miss out on other potential interpretations or meanings behind these choices, if we put aside the PTSD angle. It may also lead us to deny the text the possibility to signify something different through these behaviours and signs, especially on a thematic level--to explore something about how events and emotions shape us in a manner that exists outside of modern psychiatric classification.

TLDR (because god this got long): My point is not that WWX is unaffected by the things that happened to him or the things he’s done during this portion of his life: of course he is! Especially as they are happening to him, or when he is still stuck in a very difficult situation. But I don’t think his character and his arc is about trauma but instead about resilience. That, at the end of MDZS, WWX is still the person JYL described: No matter what unfortunate thing happened, he wouldn’t cling on to them.

[ser-rctslcyer]

Sweet Home (2020)

First of all this is going to major major spoilers from the show, so don’t read if you are still trying to finish!!!

I’d like to start off by saying that this is my opinion, thoughts and feelings about the show(I watched all of it). I will be comparing events in both the Webtoon comic and the Netflix TV series. Also again it’s been awhile since I have read the Webtoon from beginning to end so sorry if there’s some misinformation (apologies if any of the names are spelled wrong or out of order too, I using the wiki page to write out the characters name from the show as they changed names a bit)  but here we go. 

(1) Pacing Issues

I’d like to start off and say the show has a lot of pacing issues. Throughout the show there are a lot of events that happen so quickly and sometimes bizarrely. From the transformations, to the introduction of characters, and the movement of the plot. One of the odd things that stood out was the bizarre news broadcast which was showcasing weird and scary visuals, as it explained the ‘rules of monsterization’ (you think that for global news that big, you wouldn’t want to cause global panic, but insist on showing the visuals that would put even more anxieties in the people at that time. Also why didn’t they cut it off when the dude first started having a nosebleed). 

Next I know Hyun was only supposed to be there for a week before everything started going down, but literally it just felt like a day. It didn’t seem to establish enough of his situation for the audience. I understand that adaptations like this are made for the niche audience of those who have either watched/read the original source material, however everyone should strive to have a story for anyone to view that they could understand and follow. It feels like immediately we get into the craziness that is thrusted upon all of the characters. 

Another thing that threw me for a loop was the way the ‘Blind Monster’ quickly transformed, it was just so fast. One moment he is the random human and then the next he’s standing up full monster. I think it would’ve been way cooler to see him transform fully, which I think would have been the first (full) transformation to see on screen. It’s one of the coolest monsters in the comic AND IT GETS PUNKED SO QUICKLY IN THE SHOW!!!

I get making the montage when Hyun met Du-sik, and how he went there to get his weapon made but it felt weird that they quickly figured out that they could use the phones to detect the monsters. It seemed so very rushed, and again one of the many things that probably would give the audience whiplash. Then when he meets up with Ji-su(Ji-soo) and Jay-hun did he teach them that the phones can work to detect monsters??? I mean they talked to each other all of two seconds before going back out to save the kids.

Hyun also went so quickly into his madness phases (his alter)? I swear they just really threw that in there so early by episode 2-3 . It seemed so random again as there wasn’t really much build up to show his ‘desires’ side. It was so abrupt especially because they hadn’t ‘laid out’ Hyun’s character yet, enough to introduce his alter ego fully like that. It didn’t really showcase Hyun’s struggle a lot to defy the his alter; mainly seemed like they used the alter to explain why Hyun is the way he is, which happens in the comic but again the show just kind of makes it feel like the alter is sorta just there to give us more exposition. 

There’s a lot more pacing issues which I could get into but I think that would make this entirely much longer than it has to be.

(2) Continuity Issues 

There’s also a ton of issues with continuity of the story too. The first glaring one that comes to mind is this both the power issue and the no internet service. In the show it establishes toward the end of episode one that there is no service, as the big group is on the first floor wondering why they are locked into the building. That’s at episode 1, which then in episode 2 opens up to Hyun still playing games on his computer, the group watching the news broadcast and Hyuk reading the initial first article about the outbreak being a ‘curse’. Now I’m not a tech savvy person, but when there’s no service, I’m pretty sure you aren’t able to do any of those things. Then when the Netflix original character, Seo Yi-Kyung, the ex firefighter/special forces decides to send a picture of the dead guy’s body to his family when there is no service; how is that possible? (Also was I the only one who found that to be completely odd and mean, as she saw a picture of his family? I understand it set us up for her story and how she’s trying to uncover secrets from her long lost fiance but it seems out of pocket as well as a dick move.) But that again loops back to the point that there is no service in this place, it’s been said many times so it just irks me more because that is such a big glaring issue, which should’ve been caught by someone reading the script.

Then there is when the power goes out. It shows Hyuk at the cameras when the powers go out and the cameras all shut off. But when he comes back to the camera with Seo Yi-Kyung, the camera’s are back on. Is it possible for them to be running on a separate generator, perhaps. However they showed the cameras going so then again, I can’t believe that there is a separate generator because again they showed them all shutting off; so again another continuity error. During that same scene I also could have sworn the lady also was looking at the cameras and saw the monster on screen, but apparently not because as she returns she punches Hyuk in the chest. I thought it was really weird because again he pointed and even showed which camera it was where she had to turn the power back on, yet she didn’t see the monster at all? Not only that too but I thought too she knew the risk she would be taking, as they were unaware of what other monsters could be in the building, however I guess not since she came back so defensively.

Another issue I have is the strength of Protein. Protein is first shown in episode 3 when Hyun has gone to rescue the kids and bring them back to Dusik’s room. Hyun begins to have a nosebleed and then his alter comes to him in his head and he tells the kids to go on without him. They run into Protein who if I remember correctly knocked Hyun through the door.  As Hyun is still dazed and the kids are dragging him away, Protein takes about 5+ hits… to break through a wall. This giant hulking mass of a monster, takes more than 5 hits to finally bust through a wall, does that seem right to you? The later when he fights [the lady who lost her baby] and when he pouches her, it almost feels like a push with how far she flies, even though he reared up for that punch. Anyway later on in episode 8 I believe, when Protein comes back, he quickly demolishes their armored car, so much that it looks nearly if not just like a pile of scrap. One could argue that yes, when he comes back and attacks the group, he’s supposed to be in his ‘rage mode’ of sorts, so that could be what makes him stronger. However he’s a towering hulking monster, seems to not do that much damage, to both the surroundings around him and then to the few people he smacked around. It just seems weird how he had different strengths each time he appeared. I know again that sometimes adaptations do tend to nerf characters, however I found it weird how they seemingly tried to do that in the show. I was sure that Jae Heon’s sword wasn’t able to slice Protein at all in the comic (or maybe he was in his rage mode at that point) either way though the nerfing of Protein’s character seemed to flip flop from whatever they seemed fit. 

(3) Monsters 

Which this can lead into the monsters. Now each monster in Sweet Home has different power sets and abilities than the other, however one consistent thing in the comic at least is that most of them are actually pretty sturdy and tough for the group to beat. A lot of the monsters, it takes time, effort, and a lot of learning for the group to figure out how to kill them. 

Let’s start off with the Tongue Monster. The Tongue monster is one of the first ones the group initially encounters; its terrifyingly tall stature is already unsettling enough, there’s the gaping hole of a mouth with a powerful tongue. Now the effects that for the opening of the mouth were a little wonky, but something I could look past. However my main problem was that this monster single handedly got the most kills in the show out of all the other monsters. In fact he was the only monster to get kills, which is very disappointing to see when you have all these cool monsters that could have different and interesting kills. (I’m not counting Mr. Kim and Jay hun’s death simply because that was a self sacrifice on Jay hun’s part. Nor am I counting any of Jung Wooi-myung kills because he was a half monster also he didn’t go full monster to kill anyone). In the comic, the Tongue monster had gotten 2 kills which one of those happened to be another monster (Mr. Kim).  

Eyeball monster was alright, and did what it needed to do. 

The Blind monster, who is for a doubt, one of the most terrifying and troublesome monsters in the comic. Like both in the show and the comic, he originally attacks Ji-su first, but then Jayhun comes and saves her by slicing off it’s head. The two leave think it was dead but that’s when the true terror starts as he was monsterized enough to survive it’s head being cut in half but unable to regenerate its head fully. Since it fully relies on sound, it makes it more deadly as it shoots out branch-like tendrils with great speed. This is deadly for the group as they have to make sure they travel quietly as possible to avoid being killed by the agonized creature. I did enjoy how the show included when Hyun first opened his door to it being right there, as that was a very suspenseful moment, and showed us another big threat that the people in this apartment building would face. The Blind monster is only around for 23 chapters in the comic which is roughly he’s in there for about  16.43% of the story (not including the flashback in the later chapters). While that number is small to you, the Blind monster is one of the iconic monsters as well as one that sets an even bigger tone for the dire situation the characters are in. He didn’t feel like much of a threat in the show, as I think also in episode 3 he gets killed by Protein after their ‘cheesy’ fight. In the comic, the Blind monster only killed one human (shown in a flashback as it was the slime monster’s mother) and was killed by Eun Lee. I will say he was one of the better looking monsters in the show and I give props for both the practical effects and special effects they used to create him.

The one I hate the absolute most is, Speed monster. His design was awful to me and sort of out of all the designs in the show he was the most out of place for me and just weird. He served his purpose though, the design they did for the show makes him comical rather than scary. In the comics, he does kill one in a flashback and then is killed by Hyun Cha. 

Reach monster is another one I think the show did really well, design wise. However the narration when reading the guys journal to figure out why he had become a monster was a good idea how the execution of it seemed so jarring as we were already moving back to the characters of that scene and ultimately doesn’t get the audience to really get invested into the thought that anyone could turn into a monster over seemingly any desire. 

Protein or the Steroid monster is another great and iconic monster from the comic, which in the show he seemed much less of a big deal than in the comic. The continuity with his strength seems to vary all throughout the show. He takes 5 hits to break one measly apartment wall, 1 attack to almost demolish a car (which I think he just smacked away because it didn’t seem like he rushed it), and he ended up getting crushed to death by on-fire debris. The strength and speed of Protein is what makes him another big problem for the group yet in the show, they sort of deal with him quickly. In the comic, Protein kills the Tongue monster in a fit of rage and also Seop Ahn (Seob An) who he crushes his skull with one singular punch. He’s later killed by the criminals that invade the apartment as they ram him with a bus and then eventually set him on fire. Protein was seemingly lack-luster in the show and honestly wasn’t as terrifying as I thought a 10 foot monster should be. 

Mr. Kim (Security Guard) is another monster that comes back out of nowhere in the show to kill Jae-heon (Jayhun). I found it weird that they didn’t show Mr. Kim, as in the comic he’s seen a couple times wandering before it comes to the other realization that he’s in fact a monster. Also in the comic, Mr. Kim is a strong and sturdy monster, his thirst for vengeance against the tenants whom some harassed him make him out to be a very tough monster for the group to beat. When he starts rampaging to kill the other survivors it is Jayhun who rushes to try to stop him by tackling him however he’s unable to move him. Mr. Kim threw him to the ground and then stomped on Hayhun’s head, crushing his skull. It takes the Tongue monster for Mr. Kim to finally be weakened enough for them to kill him. Jayhun’s death impacts the group but also mainly impacts Ji-su and Hyun both, however in the show they don’t really show it changing Hyun. I do appreciate the different take of this in the show, in fact I think that is one of the best scenes in the show. I also think Ji-su’s pain and anguish after was really well done.  I’m fine with the debuffing of Mr. Kim but I do kind of wish he played a bit of a bigger part. 

The live actions’ original creepy crawly monster I thought was a pretty decent design although some of the cgi for it is a bit of an eye twitch but again I can look past it. The monster itself resembled a spider, it uses webbing to capture and hold it’s victims.

The Slime monster I think was also another monster I like how the show did. It served its purpose well, and helped a bit show how some of the monsters aren’t necessarily as evil as the survivors may think. 

Seok Kim monsterization form was awful, he just looked like a giant walking talking hairball. At first I didn’t know who it was, and I found it stupid Sun Ahn (Seon Ahn) knew it was him; like how do you tell from underneath all that hair? I’m glad they kept it the same and had his wife kill him. Also wish they showed more of him losing his mind and talking to his alter, as in the show he really turned out of nowhere, kinda odd.

(4) Military Subplot 

I hate the military subplot, it’s such a stupid and overused trope especially with adaptions like this and honestly in never really works for it. The whole thing with the military knowing about this monsterization process before the initial outbreak and them trying to weaponize the ‘special infectees’ just really bogs down the story in my opinion. One of the reasons why I love and adore the comic is because it’s about a group of strangers, who don’t really know each other, trying to work together as a unit to survive. They have to learn how to use the materials around them and each other to fight off the monsters. Which they do in the show but when the show’s ‘criminals’ show up and they all have guns, it gets boring for me there (I’ll go into them later). The military subplot I know is setting the series up for a second season and probably will introduce other elements as well but ultimately it takes away what the comic had originally built; the suspenseful tension of being trapped in a building with people who could easily turn on you or turn into a monster and kill you. 

(5)Characters and Relationships

Now let’s talk about characters and relationships. Brace yourself, this is going to be a long ride. 

Hyun

Hyun was honestly I think is the worst adapted character in the show. The show felt like it dumbed down his character greatly. He’s the main character of the comics but the show treats him like a side character, especially at the beginning of it, as it tries to push some of the other character’s narratives first. From a creator’s standpoint I think it was a poor decision because I didn’t build up the same attachment to him when I had read the comic; most of the time he was on screen I completely didn’t care. The way the show portrays him is almost delicate since he’s pretty socially inept but the show makes him feel boring and plain by this fact. In no way am I saying he was a happier more confident person in the comic but the comic had clearly shown his character development and how his growing confidence pushed him to be a better person. The show however speeds past this process which again gives the audience no emotional attachment to the character. If there had been more scenes with him and his internal struggle, that were fleshed out it would have changed his character development immensely.

 Because of how the show did him, he also ends up not making friends with some of the group members as he did in the comic, Ji-su being another one of the things that irked me about the show. Hyun’s and Ji-su’s growing relationship in the comic is a big reason for his character development. Ji-su pushes Hyun socially but also Hyun finds strength to stay human as long as possible and help others. Not to mention Ji-su is one of the few that actually cared for him when everyone was against him. In the show they barely have any interaction and  Ji-su acts way more defensively around Hyun. I found it so awkward when Hyun lost control to kill the other half monster and Dusik, and she was talking about how she was glad Hyun wouldn’t have to remember all of that. I know the show was trying to show her caring side for him but ultimately it’s lost to me because they never built up a relationship between the two of them. Jayhun and Ji-su’s relationship completely overshadows anything they had tried to do with Ji-su and Hyun. Hyun and Eun’s relationship in the show is kind of mediocre and I don’t really care for it since Eun’s character is very annoying to me throughout most of the show. Hyun’s closest relationship in the show was with Du-sik and even still they didn’t really build up the relationship that much. They had a couple scenes here and there but they never really showed that connection that the two of them built in the comic. 

Hyun’s quick flip into madness or his alter happened relatively fast and also it didn’t seem like he was fighting internally with himself much; again something I wish they went more in depth with, showing how strong Hyun’s character really is. Even with the flashbacks to his past, that they only used for a couple of episodes, they didn’t still do much to grow his character. 

The show makes him a total blank slate and a completely flat character throughout the show. He never grows to really be much of a character  and is definitely a weak spot in the show. 

Ji-su

Ji-su gets a decent amount of focus and attention in the show but her character does seem to be different than her comic counterpart. I think they did a good job on showing the relationship between Jae-heon and Ji-su. I think they capitalized really well on showing that working relationship. I wished they showed more of the growing relationship rather than kinda taking Ji-su out of the game with both her having her first nosebleed and then having her bursting appendix problem. Which I  don’t understand why they didn’t have her get hurt in the garage raid like in the comic? They could’ve kept the reasons the same to have the group attempt to go outside but instead they took her out, just to get the group to go out? I get maybe they were trying to ground the show in a bit more of reality by trying to show how no matter what situation anything is truly possible. Still however it kinda suck not seeing Ji-su in action

Another part I didn’t understand is Ji-su’s reaction to people around her turning into a monster. When Jae-heon and her come to Hyun’s rescue and find out he’s becoming a monster, she becomes aggro and tells Hyun that she’ll kill him. However later with Im Myung Sook (the lady with the dead baby girl) who she goes to check on after she watched her attack Protein, she seems so worried. Then when she sees the claws, she goes back to being aggressive and defensive towards her becoming a monster. It seemed odd to me because why was she so harsh with Hyun but then acts worried for a lady she’s seen get tossed by a giant monster? Did she really not think that she wasn’t becoming a monster after that? Those small little character decisions really threw me for a loop because I couldn’t wrap my head around how any other person who acts these two distinct ways to both people they don’t really know. Again I wish they also tried to pursue that relationship with her and Hyun. Overall her character is done pretty well in the show, I still enjoyed her character. 

Jae-heon (Jayhun)

The show I think pretty much nails most of Jae-heon’s character. I think they honestly did a great job of adapting his character. Jae-heon’s character is definitely my second favorite, as I liked the way they built him up in the story. I did enjoy the way they killed him off the show, that noble sacrifice was very well suited for him.

Lee Eun-Hyeok(Hyuk) 

Hyuk is the most comic accurate character for me and definitely was my favorite from the show. I think they did a great job establishing the coldness of his character but also growing to show his true caring side. One thing I don’t understand was the fact he decided to stay behind. I understand he was going back to see first if he could convince Hyun to go with the group but also that he was turning into a monster.  The rest of the group knows Ji-su was becoming a monster, why did he not just go with them as well? I didn’t see the point of letting himself get crushed by rubble whenever the group is also escaping with another person who is turning. I know this is probably to set up Eun’s sort ‘redemption’ arc in the next season and also maybe he could potentially return if they decide to bring him back. Overall I think that they did his character justice for the most part of the show, he was really well done. 

Lee Eun-Yu(Eun) Eun is a completely different character than her comic counterpart. She’s a total asshole throughout most of the show up until the last 2-3 episodes though until she finally decides to show an ounce of human emotion. Honestly I have no clue why they changed her character, it seemed like such a weird thing to do for this adaptation. Her character also stays pretty flat too which is seemingly funny because when she tries to do nice things, like comfort Ji-su after Jae-heon’s death, and explain her story of how she’s trying to repay her brother, it all fails to make me want to care for her. She was so aggressive from the jump and insanely rude to everyone. Usually the ‘take no shit’ kind of characters I do tend to enjoy, if done right they can be both badass, hilarious, and one of the greatest characters in any series. In this case however I just wanted her to stop being an ass to everyone. In the last few episodes, I see how they were really trying to show the change that was going to happen to her character but at that moment I couldn’t bring myself to even try to care really for her character. She’s definitely one of the worst adapted characters in the show. 

Wook

Wook I feel is an entirely different mess than Eun. I get changing things to make certain, not as fleshed out characters who are prominent in series have more importance but honestly I found it interesting they made Wook one of those, because he has a perfectly fine backstory in the comic. In the show they call him a ‘gangster’ a lot (which happens in the comic) but unlike the comic they never state that he’s an ex-police officer. It seems that in the show he’s sort of like a private detective (if you wanna call it that). The show makes him seem like this cool and collected tough loner who kinda just takes everyone else’s orders. In the comic he’s more of a secondary leader for the group which would have been a good element to see in the show is him and Hyeok butting heads. His character seems almost pointless, as he’s really only there to also do the ‘heavy lifting’ (missions) with Hyun. His character was another sort of 180 from his comic counterpart. I found his character to mainly be comical because he was unbothered by everything; he just didn’t give a fuck. 

Seo Yi-Kyung

I’m probably going to be the only one that says this but I did not care nor like her character. It’s because I hate the military subplot to this story and since that’s mainly where her story lies, I can’t honestly bring myself to like her. She’s too plot convenient and honestly I’m still trying to figure out what she’s going to gain when she finds her fiancé she knows was turning into a monster and apparently ‘changed’. I understand it’s probably closure but to go as far to sell out a child who you barely even know, to people you barely even know in hopes of maybe finding your fiancé, to only be again sad when you discover you aren’t going to be able to save him as he’s already a monster, I just don’t get it. It’s a very weak plot line in my opinion and again wish they didn’t add the military subplot. Her character too is another flat character, as she doesn’t go through much change only in changing her mind about selling out Hyun to the military when she realizes that it’s essentially not worth it. 

Criminals The criminals are just basic, on their very copy pasted stereotypical villain shit that we must ‘kill all monsters’ but oops we accidentally invited a half monster into our group. They annoyed the shit out of me and angered me even more as they somehow collectively got more kills than the monsters in this show. 

Jung Wooi-myung (the other half monster)

So from what I could tell Jung Wooi-myung is like this leech monster that didn’t die when Hyun stabbed him with his arm wing. He also probably infected Wook’s body in the end. He plays the generic role of convincing Hyun to join his side since people won’t ever accept monsters which is true. Ultimately didn’t even care for him.

(6) Hyun’s Monster Transformation

This needed to be its own category for the simple fact that the whole scene sequence was utterly atrocious. For starters why did there need to be a mini eclipse for Hyun to transform ONE arm into this barbed spiked wing? That seemed to be thrown in for aesthetic purposes more so than having an actual reason behind it, as this was something that did not happen in the comics. Hyun’s arms transformation just seemed so bizarre. I would have been perfectly fine if the show black veins rushing through his body and him being stronger because of it, sort of like how the comic does it. However this one arm wing just seems completely dumb to me. Why would you make it a barbed wing? Why not at that point do a blade arm or like something that’s also better at bludgeoning monsters with?

(7) Final Consensus 

I had initially come into watching Sweet Home with low expectations as time has taught me before that things I want that get live action adaptations may not always be that good. I set the bar low in hopes that the show would do something ultimately to get me happy and excited for watching it. Sweet home never hit that spot for me though. As I was watching I began noticing how the pacing seemed to just go out of it’s way on some points and there were continuity errors staring me right in my face. The story didn’t captivate me like the comic did, not even in the slightest. I spent most of my time watching, laughing because of the absurdities and then pondering why certain events had gone down the way the show did them. I understand that with adaptations things may change but I feel like with the adaptation with Sweet Home it changed too many key elements of the main story that were important for making the story what it is. My rating for Sweet Home is a 1/10. This definitely is not something I would watch again.

[amysubmits]

A Gift

We were planning to move because our landlord was selling ‘our’ house. I hadn’t at all expected to be asked to move in with my dad though. Yes, I knew he would need more and more help as time went on. But he lived on the same property as other family members already. I thought that was good enough for his needs at the moment. He said he was no longer comfortable with the arrangement though. He was left alone far too often. 

Just being asked this made my anxiety soar. From the beginning when we first started suspecting that a cancer diagnosis may happen - I wanted a strong role in supporting him. For his sake, yes, but I also needed to be involved to help my me. My heart needed to help. 

But moving in? I never envisioned that when he was already with family. So having the concept tossed out at me was a shock. 

My fear was so loud. From the beginning, dealing with it head-on while with my dad but then trying not to think about it the rest of the time was my coping method. I was so used to trying to stop thinking about cancer once we got home. So how could I live with him? And yet how could I not? How do you say ‘sorry, no thanks’ when someone you love needs help? The reality was...I wanted to run from the offer out of fear.I felt bad about it but I wasn’t sure if I could handle it. Or more honestly, I thought I was pretty sure I couldn’t handle it. 

Where we move has always been CD’s decision in the end. So it would be again. He was surprised when I told him we had been asked to move in near my dad, but his immediate reaction was noticeably more positive than my own. He thought it was clearly the right thing to do despite the sacrifices it would involve. He recognized that there would be sacrifices to our privacy and our emotions but he thought we would both adjust alright. It would just be temporary, we could manage. 

Of course, we talked about the pros and cons in detail. In multiple conversations. With tears. And pacing. At some point CD said “I think you’re just...scared.”

He was right. I knew he was right. I was still scared though. 

Ultimately he decided we should do it. He told me that if my fears came true - if living there all the time was too much, if I didn’t have enough room to ‘escape’ it - then we’d move out and he would take the blame. He’d find some BS reason to provide as to why he wasn’t happy there. He wouldn’t tell anyone it was me who needed out if that was the case. 

We’re about six months in now. It hasn’t been easy. I sometimes feel overwhelmed...but I did before we moved here, too. This is a tough chapter of life, there is no way around that, there is no easy option. I’ve adapted my coping skills. We’ve changed up some rules. We’ve found a new normal. 

Even though watching someone with cancer it is tough to face in general and harder to face when you’re highly involved with it everyday…there is a peace in deep in my heart even when I’m overwhelmed. The peace comes from knowing I’m doing what is right. I know I will have no regrets. I’m full of gratitude for the fact that CD has stepped up to work so hard (and so many hours) so that I can step back from working to help my dad. I’m thankful that he consciously chose to prioritize supporting my dad instead of doing what was easiest for our relationship. I’d have a lot more emotional energy if we had gotten a new apartment together instead and that would benefit CD greatly. Most of all, I’m grateful that he decided we should move here, that is sense of values align so well with my own that it makes it easy for me to let him lead even when the decision at hand is huge. Sometimes I even wonder if part of the subconscious reason why we set up structure where he can make small decisions for us regularly is to remind us both that he’ll handle the big decisions well when they arise. I have a hard time explaining how powerful it is to see him lead our relationship well when it really matters most. It means the world to me. 

I would have done whatever he thought was best and I know we would have managed fine either way. But being an involved daughter is exactly what feels best to me right now even though it’s hard…it’s who I want to be. It feels like an incredible gift that CD made it possible for me to do this by leading me and leading our relationship. 

[a-little-slice-of-fandom]

Hi! I wanted to thank you for making me know Derry Girls! I always thought of Irish culture as such an interesting culture, and I'm so glad to learn about it (so now I have another TV series to bingewatch ahahaha). However, if it doesn't come as an offense, what else would you recommend to see about Ireland? I'm sorry if I made some mistakes, I'm not a native English speaker! Thank you again!

Hi anon! Firstly, please don’t apologise for your English because it’s really good!

Secondly, like I mentioned before, the problem with Irish based media is that there isn’t a lot of it (in comparison to American or English media) and what there is can often be changed in a way that’s much more palatable to these audiences. Generally, people in the UK don’t really want to watch a film about how horribly the Irish suffered, and Americans don’t like acknowledging the fact they weren’t the nicest to Irish people a lot of the time. Titanic is a good example. They make the experiences of those Irish people in steerage look so much fun in comparison to the experience in the stuffy first class...although that film does redeem itself when they show the third class, Irish (and Italian!) passengers purposefully locked below decks to drown. It’s sort of a middle ground between reality and rose-tinted glasses. If you haven’t given titanic a watch then go for it...but I wouldn’t say it’s overwhelmingly Irish. Good film though.

ALSO yes, the titanic was built in Belfast but I just would like to point out that it was absolutely fine when it left Belfast. Built by the Irish, sunk by the English. All I’m saying 🤷🏻‍♀️

I know this isn’t a TV show or a film, but I would highly recommend that anyone who is in any way interested in Irish history to read Under The Hawthorn Tree by Marita Conlon McKenna, which is about three young children trying to survive the Irish famine during the 1840s. While it is mainly taught to those just starting high school (or middle school in America) and the language is very easy to read...it is such a hard hitting book. I cried when I first read it when I was like nine and I still cry when I reread it. But it’s the reality of what happened during the famine. There’s no sugarcoating of the events that took place. However, you don’t need any prior knowledge of what’s going on to understand the book. It explains everything in a very natural way, and I think it’s the most accessible of Irish historical works.

There’s also two sequels to Under The Hawthorn Tree, called Wildflower Girl and Fields of Home. The second one follows one of the characters from Hawthorn Tree going to America and there experiences there, and it’s an amazing follow up to Hawthorn Tree. While I do think that the portrayal of America is slightly sugarcoated in Wildflower Girl (theres not much xenophobia...which there should have been) but the portrayal of journey to get to America? It’s harrowing. This is probably one of the best presentations of the famine ships (or coffin ships, as they were called) that you can get and you will understand the horrors of those ships. Fields of Home is just alright. I don’t think it’s as good as the first two because it doesn’t feel as focused on one singular thing and in all honesty, I didn’t enjoy reading this as a child and I’m still sort of on the fence with it now. But Hawthorn Tree and Wildflower Girl are two must reads!

As for films, I’d recommend Michael Collins from 1996. Its a film that takes a look at how Michael Collins helped to create the Irish Free State and the Irish civil war (not the troubles, that comes later). It also shows brutality of the Black and Tans (a section of the police force*) that went on in Ireland during this time period, as the police in Ireland tried to crackdown on the IRA. It’s a really good film, although sometimes it does sacrifice historical accuracy for Hollywood conventions. However...it might be a bit confusing if you don’t have prior knowledge of Ireland. Give it a try, but if you do end up a bit confused then I get it.

* Btw that name refers to the colour of their uniform. It’s not a racist term.

The Secret of Kells is an amazing animated film that you should totally watch. It’s all about the Book of Kells, a really important book in Irish history. It’s set in 9th century Ireland against the background of Viking invasions. I won’t say anymore about this one, please just go and watch it. Also the music is so amazing in that film, and it makes great use of traditional Irish instruments like the pipes and the bodhran. I’ve heard the animation company who made it referred to as the Irish Studio Ghibli and I definitely agree with that. They have a really distinctive style and it’s just,,,beautiful. This one is probably the most...celebratory. It really loves Ireland and it shows. There’s also Song of the Sea by the same company, which is another amazing celebration of Irish culture, this time concentrating on Celtic mythology. Also I think the main character might be mute? I can’t remember but I think she is. It’s another fantastic animation and I’d definitely recommend it.

Now I have to recommend the film Brooklyn because one of the actresses in it is actually from my town in Northern Ireland! Brooklyn was based off a book by the same name and both versions of the story have gotten really good reviews. It is a romance story (which usually isn’t my cup of tea) that follows a young Irish girl called Eilis (pronounced Ay-lish, for anyone wondering!) who has immigrated to America and the experiences she has there. Plus, it’s set in 1951, which isn’t usually a period of Irish history you see discussed. Normal People is something I see a lot of people recommending as well. It’s a book (written by Sally Rooney who is like 24 which is amazing!) but it’s also recently been adapted into a TV show which is getting good reviews. Again, it’s a romance story and I know a lot of people outside of Ireland can’t understand why people like it so much (it is a straight, cis white romance)...but it’s a generally good representation Irish romance and modern Ireland as a whole, including some class divide stuff. The books of these are quite an easy reads as well. So yeah, while I wouldn’t say Brooklyn or Normal People will teach you much about Irish history or Irish mythology...it does show a lot of the family life stuff. Normal People includes things like Trinity College and Gaelic football in the background, which are like quintessential Irish things. If you have the time, I’d give them a watch or a read.

Lastly, I’ve heard good things about the Netflix shows Rebellion (which concentrates on the Easter Rising of 1916) and The Irishman...but I haven’t watched either of these shows so I cannot vouch for how good or how accurate they are.

I hope this list helps!

[seyaryminamoto]

Do you think they could make Azula gay in the netflix live-action? Many people in the fandom seem to think she had a thing for Ty Lee. I don't see it, but do you think they could retcon the show just to pander to shippers?

Somehow I knew this sort of question would pop up in my inbox one day. I just did. Such foresight powers I have (?)

Anyways, the answer got pretty long, but I hope it’s comprehensive enough in regards of why I don’t think it’s likely, why, even if it happens, we shouldn’t freak out about it regardless of if it negates our headcanons, and why, on top of it all any characterization the ATLA cast gets in the liveaction should be judged as part of a second timeline, removed from the first, and analyzed as such.

Alright, first of all... despite what popular opinion these days would have everyone believe, a character’s sexuality and sexual identity are not the only relevant and important factors in them; in fact, I wouldn’t even call them the most important factors unless you’re outright telling a story with very specific socially critical purposes in mind. Yes, you can deal with these subjects in stories that aren’t exclusively about sexuality, and yes, it offers important representation to communities that were largely unseen for the bulk of human history. But making a character’s entire story arc revolve around nothing but sexuality and their struggles because of it is actually a failure at offering good representation? The point in having media featuring representation in the form of diverse fictional characters is based on allowing minorities to see themselves in this kind of content and for majorities to understand these minorities and their stories are just as valid as theirs are. If minorities are reduced to a single aspect of their multifacetic lives, the only thing the story in question would achieve is turning a character with the potential to be dynamic and complex into some flat minority stereotype, throwing away the countless human complexities through which media can tell rich and important stories that do provide genuine, quality representation to these communities.

Ergo, if Azula were written as a gay character in this Netflix adaptation, this aspect of the reworked character should not, and frankly, CANNOT, be the only thing that matters about her. Azula has a large role to play in this story, a role related to the war, her family, her friends and her nation, and a lot of her complexities stem from how she deals with all these subjects, none of which have anything to do with romance or sexuality. Therefore, I’m pretty sure a lot of us loved her character for reasons that had nothing to do with her interactions with potential love interests, whether they’re of her same or opposite sex: Azula has always been SO MUCH MORE than whatever we’ve headcanoned her sexuality to be, and this is something I hope everyone keeps in mind for this liveaction show.

We need to stick to our priorities, to a fault, as Azula’s fans: whatever sexuality or love interests she’s given, if she’s given either thing to begin with, her story isn’t exclusively about that. So, if Bryke decide to alter this aspect of her original characterization by dialing up Azula’s love life, it’s not the driving aspect of the character and it’s not the only thing we should be concerned with when it comes to her new portrayal in the future liveaction show, regardless of whether said sexuality agrees with our headcanons or disagrees with them.

Alright, then. After that particular clarification had been made... I’m of the opinion that Bryke have indeed pandered to shippers and fans in the past, namely in their sequel show and certain later announcements related to it, announcements that were basically the LOK version of “Dumbledore was gay all along but I thought it’d hurt the book sales and that’s why I only said so in a press conference after the final book was a bestseller and my bank accounts were overflowing” (by which I mean, the last-minute sudden “Aiwei (the dead guy) and Kya (Aang’s daughter) are also gay” comments Bryke made post-Book 4 to convince people they were aboslutely pro-LGBT and their world was very diverse despite said diversity only became known in the final scene of the show and was never portrayed positively or properly through these side-and-background characters...?).

So, would I say, categorically, that Bryke would NEVER write Azula as a gay character if they thought it’d make their show more popular? Nope, I can’t. I really don’t trust them enough to think they’ll prioritize top-of-the-line storytelling over pandering to the crowd that will cheer them on most loudly.

THAT BEING SAID...!

The story they told with Azula in ATLA, despite what certain people are convinced of, had a very straight-forward message, one that I didn’t like very much, especially since that message seemed to render irrelevant the character’s incredible storytelling potential and remarkable complexities. Where Azula could have been so many things, in the show’s finale she became some sort of flat, sad warning stating: “don’t try to control people through fear or they’ll turn against you and you’ll end up all alone.”

As much as I have no doubts Bryke will want to incorporate new themes and somewhat “update” ATLA into more progressive times, I really doubt they’ll sacrifice the story they’re apparently so proud of having told through Azula only to pander to a specific part of ATLA’s audience. For that matter, there’s been a growing movement promoting many same-sex ships and trans interpretations of virtually ALL ATLA characters, so if they were to pander to the fanbase through Azula, why her? And if they do pick her, why stop there? If they do stop there, then they’re not being inclusive enough with their fandom. Why satisfy one portion of the fandom and not satisfy the other ones too? :’D

Worse yet, accusations of foul play will absolutely be guaranteed to rise when a potentially gay Azula isn’t given a redemption (because, considering the latest Azula-related comments by the creators and comic writers, they’re not likely to do it this time either), because “irredemably evil lesbian trope, that’s so sexist and homophobic!” And with that, the long, glorious time ATLA has spent as the golden, poster child of western animation will suddenly be overrun with the very same hysterical purity police that has overtaken all newer fandoms and filled them with antis who attack creators, writers, actors and other fans for creating or supporting “toxic” content.

Point and case being... if they don’t stray from the story they already told, they have a slam dunk since a lot of people will love the show if it’s virtually the same as the one they watched when growing up. All they have to do is alter a few events, maybe expand on a few things, stall the story for a few more years so the actors can age realistically and not be overworked... and tadaaaah! You have a blockbuster! Change fundamental aspects of characters by adding new factors to pander to certain fan demographics? You’d basically be poking a wasp’s nest and hoping they will turn out to be honeybees instead, ESPECIALLY if the character being coded as LGBT is either evil or fated to die, as both those tropes are what seem to incense that side of fandoms more than anything else.

If they want to write Azula as openly gay, they’d have to alter her general character message and whole arc to avoid the guaranteed problems I’ve pointed out up here. Paired with this? They’d have to retcon their recently established “the Fire Nation became homophobic in Sozin’s time!” canon imposed by LOK’s comics, so, if they stick with this tidbit of recent LGBT info, a gay Azula would most likely have to be a highly repressed lesbian who can’t even accept herself? It’s not impossible to tell that story... but it kind of feels counterproductive, and absolutely discouraging too for people who are struggling to come to terms with their own sexuality to see themselves reflected in a repressed character who most likely will meet the same depressing end she does in ATLA.

Now, my final point: again, I can’t say it’s impossible that this might happen. But EVEN IF Bryke decide that this is how their new story will work, and the new Azula will be gay, and they change everything so it’s non-problematic and they successfully avoid being chased with pitchforks by the purity police...

A new characterization doesn’t negate the one from the original show in the least. The first ATLA is what it is, a finished product that can be judged and interpreted in a thousand ways, and has been, for the past 10+ years. A new canon does NOT overrule an old one, a thought that I’m sure the very same purity and nostalgia police I’ve mentioned will absolutely adhere to once the new story changes ANYTHING and they don’t like it. Whatever new possibilities they test out with a new story don’t have to be taken as facts that apply to every iteration of the characters. For reference, imagine judging every Marvel comics character for the actions and behavior of their MCU counterparts. Imagine people raging at Peter Quill in the comic books because he’s in love with Kitty Pryde and how DARES he cheat on Gamora with her?!

... Just how would that make any sense? :’) Likewise, it would make no sense to behave this way with ATLA and its future liveaction adaptation. What happens in the liveaction concerns the liveaction. What happened in the original show can serve as a guideline for the liveaction, if anything, a frame of reference, but they can (and will) change elements in the story as they please in the new adaptation. However similar as they might be, they’re TWO stories, and they should work perfectly well as standalone shows.

Let’s look at it from the opposite POV, to further illustrate my point: if the new show SOMEHOW made Sokkla canon, unlikely and damn near impossible as it is: that doesn’t make it canon in the original ATLA. Hence, if I were to run out in the streets screaming Sokkla is real and endgame in EVERY POSSIBLE VERSION OF ATLA, the entire world would have every right to throw rotten eggs at me and tell me to shut the fuck up because it’s not true, it’s only real in the liveaction, and that doesn’t have any bearing on the original show.

Same principle applies with a potential gay Azula :’) Even if it happens, it’s liveaction only. The original show remains what it is, and her characterization there can be interpreted and derived from as we see fit.

To close this answer, I confess that I, personally, have next to no interest in this liveaction remake. I can’t even say I’ll watch any of it. For one thing, I’m really annoyed by the trend there is these days to turn animation into liveaction, because it seriously feels like an underlying way to say that liveaction is somehow the superior choice for audiovisual storytelling and that really grinds my gears. Animation has been fascinating media for me for years, I’ve always felt it’s more versatile than liveaction, and if I ever happened to write something that gets an onscreen adaptation, I’d probably choose animation over liveaction even if I’m not given a choice on the matter :’) So, for starters, I’m not happy with the notion of a liveaction remake for this show. If they wanted to remake ATLA and had chosen to do so with animation, I’d definitely be much more interested. But this way? Uh... not my cup of tea.

So, whatever Bryke want to do with this new product is absolutely their business (same as it was their business with ATLA, frankly). People will criticize it, that’s a guaranteed thing, and people will love it, and people will be angry, and people will be happy. But I’m probably not going to be one of any of these people this time around. The only way I would likely enjoy that show would be if it’s a genuine, critical overhaul of everything they did in the original show, reworking many key aspects of MANY characters, no matter if the main anecdote remains intact. And considering how highly self-critical the recent ATLA-related content has been, I doubt I’ll get my wish. So... good luck to everyone who wants to watch this liveaction, have fun, I won’t spoil it for you by dumping on it this time as I did with the comics, but I certainly won’t be joining any of your parades much either :’D

[underoosweb]

Salvation Ch. 10

Warning: Contains FFH spoilers! Fluff, some curse words

Pairing: Peter Parker x Stark!reader (eventually)

Words: 11.9k

Tags are open 

Peter opened his luggage up, seeing his suit right in the center, you almost forget this- May. Peter groaned and pushed his suit aside, changing into his PJs.

Ned laid on his bed as Peter paced back and forth.

“Okay, let’s go over the plan again.” Ned rolled over and looked at Peter waiting for him to continue.

“Step one was obviously a bust which was sitting next to her, using the dual headphone adapter and watching movies together. Step two, since Venice is known for making glass I’m going to go around and buy her a necklace shaped like a turtle since you know turtles are her favorite animal,” Ned nodded

“Step 3, When we get to Prague, I’ll ask her to go for a walk through Petřín Park and I’ll tell her how I feel and give her the necklace. Step 4, hope she feels the same way and I don’t face a broken heart.” Peter finally came to a stop and stared at Ned

“You forgot step 5.”

“Right, Step 5?”

“Don’t do any of that.”

“What? Why?”

“Peter, we’re single and in Europe. We can go on dates with European girls.”

“But I like Y/N,” Peter said firmly feeling the blood rush to his cheeks, it was the first time he admitted it out loud, Ned sighed.

“Okay, do you have the money for the necklace?” Peter’s face lit up

“Yeah, had to make some sacrifices but I got it.” Peter had sold most of his Star Wars toys to get money for his plan, he didn’t want to bother May about it. Ned nodded.

“Pete?”

“Yeah?” Peter replied while laying on the bed

“I’m speaking about what-ifs but what if she rejects you?” Peter froze and stared at the ceiling

“I… I don’t know,” Peter replied quietly

“Don’t worry, I’m sure it won’t happen. I mean the way you two were cuddling it up on the couch before we left the airport, she Definitely likes you.”

“We always sleep like that when we sleep together.”

“You two sleep together?!”

“Yeah, when I would sneak into her room remember?”

“I thought you meant you slept on the floor. Pete, you have an in.” Peter shrugged, he just thought it was natural for that to happen, he grabbed his phone and looked at the time.

“We should go to sleep now.”

“Alright.”

“Night.”

“Night.”

——–

Y/N groaned when she heard banging on the door, grabbing her pillow and covering her ears, she smiled in satisfaction when the knocking drowned out. MJ groaned, picking up one of her shoes, she threw it at the door and the knocking stopped. MJ smiled, turning around and falling asleep again. Mr. Harrington stood outside the girls’ door, shocked from the loud bang coming from the other side, he looked around for Mr. Dell. Mr. Dell met Mr. Harrington’s eyes and shook his head.

“Don’t get me involved.” He said and walked away, Mr. Harrington sighed and continued knocking on the door. Y/N heard the knocking resume, groaning, kicking the blankets off of her in frustration, she stood and opened the door.

“WHAT?!” Y/N yelled annoyed, her eyes widened when she noticed Mr. Harrington at the door.

“Oh my god, Mr. Harrington, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to yell.” He gave a small smile

“It’s alright Y/N, I’m going around waking everyone. You guys have 30 minutes to get ready and meet downstairs.” Y/N nodded and slowly closed the door. Y/N looked at MJ, she couldn’t be bothered, sighing she went to brush her teeth and shower, she yelped when the water came out cold. 

“You ok?!” MJ yelled through the door.

“IT’S FUCKING COLD!” Y/N quickly washed and exited the shower, wrapping the towel around her, teeth chattering. Y/N looked at MJ sitting on the bed.

“Y-y-you can go I-in now.” MJ nodded and entered the restroom. Y/N looked through her bag, pulling out a pair of high waisted jean shorts, a simple red cami, a black kimono, and some black original vans. Y/N combed through her h/c hair and tied it up in a ponytail. MJ had come out in black jeans, white long sleeve and converse. The two walked down the stairs and met the rest of the group. Peter turned around, breaking out into a wide smile when he saw Y/N walk down the stairs. Y/N noticed Peter smiling at them, his brown eyes twinkling, she tried to follow his gaze, he was looking at MJ. She felt pain in her chest, her eyes flickered around and noticed Brad was staring at her. Y/N smiled at him and he smiled back. Peter followed Y/Ns gaze, his brow furrowed, Brad was smiling at her and she was smiling at him. Peter scoffed and rolled his eyes.

“Dude, you good?”

“Yeah.” Peter bit the inside of his cheek. Y/N walked up to Peter and smiled.

“Morning Peter, Morning Ned.” Y/N said happily

“Morning Y/N, Morning MJ,” Ned replied waving. Peter just looked at Y/N, she waved a hand in front of his face.

“Sorry, morning,” Peter replied. Y/N scrunched her face up, confused.

“You okay Peter?” Y/N asked

“Yeah.” She knew he was lying, but she didn’t want to press any further.

“Okay kids, you guys have free time after breakfast and don’t forget we meet at 3pm at the da Vinci museum.” Everyone nodded and followed the teachers to the restaurant. Y/N didn’t notice neither did Peter. Peter and MJ walked side by side, Ned walked next to Betty and Y/N, she was awkwardly walking behind Peter and MJ, the two in their own little world, Y/N wanted to join in the conversation but when she would open her mouth to speak MJ would answer. Y/N played with the hem of her kimono.

“Hey Y/N” Y/N turned to her left to see Brad walking next to her.

“Hey, Brad.”

“How’d you sleep?”

“Good, you?” Y/N asked

“Good, have you been here before?”

“Venice? Yeah, but only for a couple hours. Dad had a meeting and when it was over we left, so I really didn’t get to see much.” Brad nodded

“Maybe we can hang out later? Tour around together.” Just as Y/N was about to reply, Peter interrupted 

“Y/N?” Y/N turned to look at Peter

“Yeah?” Peter hesitated to try to come up with an excuse

“Happy messaged me saying he wanted you to call him.” Y/N looked at Peter confused

“Why didn’t he just call me?”

“Umm, he said he tried but couldn’t get through.” Y/N pulled out her phone and dialed Happy

“Weird…” Y/N murmured, the phone rang and she heard Happy answer. Peter quickly sent an emergency text to Happy

To Happy: Hey Happy, it’s Peter, can you do me a favor and just play along when Y/N calls.

“Hey, little Stark, What’s up?”

“Peter said you tried to call me. What’s up?” Happy felt his phone buzz and looked down, the message from Peter.

“Oh, Morgan just wanted to talk to you.”

“Why didn’t Pepper just video call me?”

“I was hanging out with Morgan and I told her it was too late.”

“Oh shit, sorry I forgot about the time difference. Did I wake you?”

“No, No. You’re fine.” Y/N heard a woman’s voice in the background

“Is that Y/N?” Happy pulled the phone away from his face.

“Yes, it is.”

“OH, tell her I said hi.”

“I will.” Y/N smirked

“Sorry about that, anyway, I’ll talk to you later alright?”

“Yeah. Hey, uncle Happy?”

“Yeah?”

“You know just cause you to move the phone away from your face doesn’t mean I can’t hear you.”  Y/N heard Happy choke on his drink. Y/N looked up and looked at Peter

“Have fun with May and tell her I said Hi.”

“Wait? Happy is with May?” Happy faintly heard Peter say

“OKAY, BYE.” Y/N heard her phone beep, she smiled. Peter felt his phone vibrate.

Happy: Want to explain?

Peter: Some guy was trying to ask Y/N out. Are you with May?

Happy: The phone you are trying to reach is currently out of service

Peter: Happy

Peter: Happy

Peter: Happy

Peter: Happy

Peter: Happy

Peter: HAPPY

Peter groaned and put his phone away, he turned back to see Brad and Y/N laughing. Peter rolled his eyes and turned his attention back to MJ. 

“We’re here.” Mr. Harrington announced, everyone piled into the restaurant, sitting down into random seats. Peter went to grab Y/N’s hand and have her sit next to him, but Brad had grabbed her shoulders and dragged her to sit next to him. Peter inwardly groaned, MJ sat next to Peter and smiled at him, Peter gave her back a small one. Y/N looked across the table to Peter, MJ had sat next to him, she wanted to sit next to him. Brad leaned over and whispered in Y/N’s ear, Y/N couldn’t help but giggle when she felt his breath brush her ear. Peter’s head shot up, that giggle. The giggle that makes his heart race and face blush, Brad had made her giggle, Peter wanted to be the only one to make her giggle. Peter slammed his hand on the table and quickly stood, everyone went quiet and stared at the curly-haired boy. Peter realized what he did and awkwardly rubbed the back of his neck.

“I’m going to use the restroom.” Everyone rolled their eyes and went back to their conversations. Peter walked to the restroom, Y/N stood and Brad followed

“Umm, I have to use the restroom.”

“Oh.” Brad sat back down and Y/N walked back to the restroom. Y/N was the first to exit, she stood and waited for Peter in the empty hallway. Peter came out of the restroom and bumped into someone

“Oh god, I’m so sorry, I wasn’t paying attention.” Peter kept rambling on and on. Y/N giggled. Peter stopped and looked up to see Y/N standing in front of him. Y/N smiled.

“Hey, Pete.”

“Hey.”

“Can I ask you something?”

“Sure.” Peters’ voice cracked, his heart beating out of his chest, palms sweating.

“Do you like MJ?” Peter’s eyes widened, raising his hands, he shook them so fast Y/N could barely see them.

“What? No. Why?” Y/N smiled

“Oh god, you do!” Peter continued to shake his head

“Don’t worry Peter, I’ll help you.” 

“I DON’T LIKE MJ,” Peter whispered harshly, Y/N flinched slightly at the tone.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to make you mad.” Peter sighed

“Sorry, it’s just I like MJ as a friend.” Y/N nodded

“You sure?”

“Yeah, why wouldn’t I be?”

“I don’t know, I mean, she’s funny, smart, sarcastic and insanely pretty. The two of you have been friends for a while and hang out all the time, plus she seems to watch you all the time so I just figured you two like each other.” Peter shook his head

“We’re just friends.” Y/N nodded

“We should get back, I’m starving.”

“Me too.” On cue, both of the teens’ stomachs growled. Y/N giggled and Peter laughed, they made their way back to their seats, ordering their food. Everyone ate, talking to each other, singing, laughing, taking pictures, Y/N was pretty sure everyone in that restaurant was annoyed about 15 teenagers talking loudly and singing. Once everyone was done, Mr. Harrington and Mr. Dell announced the teens were free to roam around everyone broke off into groups and took off. Y/N walked alongside the trio, Brad walked next to Y/N, Peter rolled his eyes. Ned went off with Betty, Y/N smiled at the two, MJ stood in the middle of the town square and pigeons started to land on her.

“Let me take a picture.” Brad pulled out his phone and started taking photos of MJ, Y/N looked around and noticed Peter disappeared. Y/N walked away from Brad and MJ, looking for Peter. Peter snuck away from the group and entered a small shop.

“Scusi?” Peter asked the older Italian man sitting on the stool.

“Si?”

“Oh, ummm, I’m looking for a necklace in the shape of a turtle.” The older man smiled, standing and looking around his little shop. Peter could hear him mumbling and moving things around when he heard a satisfied sigh and footsteps coming his way. The older man held up the necklace and Peter smiled widely. The little turtle was yellowish-brown, black spots covering its legs, the shell wasn’t just a shell, in the middle was a beautiful blue-green flower.

“It’s perfect.” The older man smiled

“For a special lady?” He asked in broken English, Peter blushed.

“Yeah, I’m planning on telling her that I like her.” 

“Ahhh, young love. Be romantic, women love that. Every day I still go and buy my wife a rose on my way home from work.” Peter smiled. The older man put the necklace into a small gift bag and Peter paid for him. Peter thanked the man, walking out of the store with a smile on his face. Y/N turned and saw Peter skipping out of a store, holding up a small gift bag. He must have bought something for May. Y/N smiled and snuck up behind him, Peter’s senses kicked in, someone was behind him. Y/N placed her hands on his shoulders

“Peter!” Peter jumped slightly. Shit, the necklace. Peter turned, hiding the bag behind his back. The two walked alongside each other

“What’s in the bag?”

“Oh, just a gift for May.” Y/N nodded

“What’d you get her?”

“A bracelet.”  Y/N nodded and looked out onto the water, Ned and Betty were riding on a gondola, taking photos. Y/N noticed crabs crawling alongside the dock, weird. MJ and Brad appeared out of nowhere.

“Cool.” MJ sat in front of the crabs and started to take pictures. Brad stood next to Y/N, Y/N slowly scooted next to Peter and whispered in his ear.

“Hey, Pete?”

“Yeah?”

“Want to go on a gondola ride? Just the two of us?” Peter turned, his face inches away from Y/N’s. Peter pulled back.

“Sorry. Yeah, I’d like that.” Y/N smiled

“Meet me in around 10? I’m going to find a restroom and I’ll be back.”

“Ok.” Peter smiled, Y/N walked away to find a restroom. Brad rolled his eyes, crossing his arms over his chest.

“Hey, Peter,”

“Brad.”

“I hope you know, I’m not going to make this easy for you.” Peter looked Brad up and down, right now he could care less what Brad said, all he could think about was that he and Y/N were going on a gondola date, well not a date date, but a date. Peter felt his face flush once again.

“Dude, you alright?” MJ asked 

“Yeah, why?”

“You’re all red.” 

“Oh, I’m just hot.” MJ narrowed her eyes and nodded. Peter heard water draining, he turned and saw the water being sucked back into the drain, his brow furrowed, then a loud boom was heard. Peter turned and saw a creature made of water. Everyone crouched down, Peter heard people screaming, Ned and Betty’s gondola was pushed onto the dock.

“Are you guys ok?” Betty and Ned nodded quickly

“Come on, let’s go,” Peter and MJ said frantically 

“Peter, what is that?”

“I don’t know.”

“You’re going after it right.”

“I left my suit in the hotel room.”

“What?”

“I’m on vacation Ned, just run and get everyone away from here.” Ned nodded

“Peter, be careful.”

“Thanks, now go.” Ned turned and ran with the group, Peter pretended to join them, once they were out of sight, he turned back around and shot a web towards the creature. The web went straight through the water.

“Oh, come on.” Peter groaned, he saw the creature look at the bridge full of people trying to run away. 

“Oh no, you don’t.” Peter jumped onto the pillars and jumped to the bridge, Peter tried to block the creature’s punch but instead got knocked over and half the bridge came down.

“PETER?!” Y/N ran towards him, he was sitting on the ground, completely soaked. Y/N looked up and saw a figure flying around, blocking the creature.

“Y/N?! What are you doing?”

“I’m trying to help.” Y/N helped Peter to stand

“You need to get out of here, you can get hurt.”

“Peter I’m not leaving you.”

“GO!” Peter yelled

“DON’T YELL AT ME! I’m staying and helping whether you like it or not.” Peter groaned

“You are so stubborn.”

“Just like dad.” Y/N smiled, putting on a pair of glasses

“Hey F.R.I.D.A.Y?”

“Yes, Miss Stark?”

“Activate Iron heart protocol.”

“Yes, miss Stark.” 

“Iron heart?”

“Dad left me a gift.” Y/N smiled

“Now, go spider man.” Peter smiled, looking frantically for a mask, Y/N rolled her eyes and grabbed a Venetian mask handing it to him. Peter smiled, Y/N felt her suit take the shape of her body. Peter stared in awe. 

“Umm, Peter?” Peter shook his head

“Right, right.” He said while standing, placing the mask over his head he swung onto a roof and called the attention of the flying man.

“EXCUSE ME, SIR! SIR, EXCUSE ME!” The figure turned around

“What can I do?! I can help! I’m very strong… sticky!” The globe covering the mans face disappeared.

“I need you to lead it away from the canals!” The globe covered his face again, Y/N stood there staring, the man, he looked vaguely familiar, where had she seen him before? Shaking her head, igniting the thrusters, she took off after Peter. Peter was swinging through the tight streets webbing up the falling houses, Peter finally landed onto a roof with Y/N hovering next to him, the creature came through the streets and into the main plaza, Y/N saw her classmates running from the scene, Peter looked over at her, at that moment the creature crashed into a church, hearing the concrete crack

“Oh come on.” Peter groaned Y/N opened her mask

“You do the church, I’ll get the group.” Peter nodded and swung to the now collapsing church. Y/N flew towards the group, Mr. Harrington, Mr. Dell, Brad, Flash, Emma, and Sofia were all standing there staring at the events happening before their eyes. Y/N landed in front of them, opening the mask once again

“You need to get out of here.“ 

"Y/N? What?” Mr. Harrington was having another breakdown

“Witches! It’s all witches!” Mr. Dell yelled out. Y/N rolled her eyes

“F.R.I.D.A.Y?”

“Yes, miss Stark?" 

"Is there a way where I can get them all to safety?”

“Mr. Stark built an emergency carrier in your suit called baby cradle.” Y/N rolled her eyes

“Of course he did.” Y/N murmured

“Alright bring that up.”

“Of course."  A vibranium like a cradle appeared in front of her

"Get in.” Everyone hopped on except Flash who continued to film the scene in front of him.

“FLASH NOW IS NOT THE TIME!” Y/N yelled, grabbing him and pushing him into the cradle. Y/N lifted the cradle and flew the group away from the scene., placing the cradle on the floor. Peter finally let the church go once the water creature had evaporated, he quickly opened his backpack and checked the necklace, sighing in relief when it was still in one piece. Everyone hopped off and Y/N flew back to Peter, the church had crashed and Peter was standing in the center of the plaza, pressing her to watch the suit disappeared from her. Y/N ran to Peter and hugged him.

“What happened?”

“He, the guy in the bubble, he destroyed the creature and left.” Y/N pulled back and noticed a large bruise forming on his forehead.

“What happened to your forehead?”

“I slipped and kinda smashed my head against the bell… twice.”

“Oh my god, Peter!" 

"I’m fine.” Peter gave her a reassuring smile. Y/N narrowed her eyes

“Nope, you need to sit down and ice. I’ll be right back.” Y/N turned, but Peter grabbed her forearm and stopped her, she turned around, brows furrowed and lips in a pout.

“Pete, let go. I gotta go find you some ice.” Y/n tugged her arm

“I don’t think you’ll find ice anywhere here right now.” Y/N stopped struggling and looked around, she lowered her head.

“Right.”

“Thanks though,” Peter smiled, Y/N smiled back and Peter could have sworn his heart stopped, he became flushed.

“We should head back to the hotel.” Y/N nodded, wrapping her arms around his waist. Peter stood there shocked

“Gotta make sure you don’t pass out on me Pete." 

"O-o-ok sure.” Peter wrapped his arm around her shoulders, they walked together silently. They made it back to the hotel where all their classmates and teachers were standing in front of.

“Oh thank god, Peter you’re alive.” Mr. Harrington pulled him in for a hug.

“Yeah, Y/N found me.” Y/N unwrapped herself from Peter

“He just needs some ice.” Mr. Harrington nodded. Everyone walked back into the hotel, calling a meeting in 5 minutes and immediately entering their rooms, Y/N and MJ stood in their rooms, Y/N felt nasty and decided to change into a plain black shirt and jeans.

“Where’d you find Peter?” Y/N quickly turned, staring at MJ

“Found him running back towards the hotel.”

“Really?” MJ asked crossing her arms over her chest

“Yup." 

"I don’t believe you.” Y/N sighed

“Believe or don’t believe me, I don’t really care right now MJ.” Y/N exited the room and met everyone downstairs. MJ stood in the room, shrugging, she made her way down the stairs, sitting on the bottom of them.

“Aliens. It has to be.” Ned was the first to speak, Betty was pacing back and forth looking through her phone

“Buzzfeed says there’s this sailor named morris bench who was exposed to some experimental underwater generator and got hydropower." 

"Yeah, you should definitely believe everything on the internet,” MJ said

“Dude, Spiderman can take him,” Flash replied Mr. Harrington and Mr. Dell stared at the TV screen, the news showing the events from earlier.

“What do you think it is?” Mr. Harrington asked

“You know being a man of science… witches.” Y/N snickered at Mr.Dell’s answer, she turned around to see Peter on the phone, she slowly made her way next to him.

“May?” Y/N mouthed, Peter nodded

“No, no, no. We wanna stay. Right?” He asked looking over at you. 

“Yeah.” You replied loud enough for May to hear, Y/N felt her phone vibrate. A photo of Pepper, Morgan and her popped up.

“Hey, Pepper.”

“Sweetie? Are you ok?" 

"Yeah, I’m fine." 

"You sure? I saw the need and got so worried, I called multiple times but you weren’t answering. I thought something happened to you.”

“I’m sorry Pepper, my phone was on vibrate and when I walk I can’t feel it. I’m fine, trust me. Dad left me a gift to protect myself with and plus I have the…” y/n turned and whispered

“Friendly neighborhood spider man with me.” Pepper let out a small laugh.

“He managed to finish Iron Heart after all huh? He worked on your suit relentlessly for 7 years.”

“7?”

“Yeah, he wanted to give it to you as an 18th birthday gift, but he always managed to invent something new, so he would start over, then when the "blip” happened he worked on it to the point of exhaustion.“ Y/N could hear a faint smile forms on Peppers’ lips, she also heard her voice begin to shake. Y/N felt tears prick her eyes

"Yeah, sounds like dad.”

“I’ll let you go, next time make sure your phone has the volume on.”

“Of course.”

“I love you.”

“I love you too.” Y/N hung the phone up and sighed. Peter, on the other hand, was still talking to May

“It’s a good thing I packed your suit, huh, I can’t believe you forgot it,” May said, Y/N smiled at Peter, he looked like he was panicking

“Yeah.”

“So, who was that guy you were with? Was that Mr. Strange?”

“Dr. Strange, May. Dr. Strange and no I don’t know who that was. That was a new guy, Y/N and I were trying to help him but-”

“Happy, no. That’s my lunch, don’t eat that one.”

“Happy’s there?” Y/N head shot up

“Uncle Happy?” Y/N smirked, pulling out her phone

Y/N: you are so busted

😊: I have no idea what you’re talking about

Y/N: Really now? Hmmm.. Should I spell it out for you… M.A.Y

😊: What?

Y/N: Don’t try to play dumb, you know for the head of security you should try to be more discreet, I’m standing right next to Peter and I know you’re with May. So how long has this been going on? When or how did this even happen? Why haven’t you formally introduced her?

😊: The phone you are trying to reach is out of service

Y/N: OH COME ON, NO POINT IN HIDING IT NOW

Y/N: HAPPY

Y/N: HAPPY

Y/N: HAPPY

Y/N: HAPPY

Y/N: HAPPY YYYYYYYYYYY

Y/N huffed in frustration and turned her attention back to Peter

“Hey… Happy?” Peter said confused

“Sorry, I’m working really hard here. I- I gotta do a leaflet drop.”

“What are you doing …?" 

"I’m glad you’re having a good time, don’t worry I’m really taking care of your aunt.” Y/N was pretty sure they heard her laughing from the other line, grabbing the phone from Peter

“Since your phone is out of service uncle Happy, I can ask you about it now.”

“Happy is no longer available.” He replied Y/N scoffed

“Whatever, we’re definitely talking about this later.”

“Just friends my ass.” Y/N murmured, she was pretty sure Happy’s face was completely red with embarrassment, she handed the phone back to Peter.

“I’m going to go talk with Ned.” Peter nodded, Y/N walked through everyone and sat next to Ned. Peter turned his attention back to his aunt.

“So, how’s the plan going?” Peter looked back over to Y/N, Brad was now leaning over her, showing her something on his phone.

“Some setbacks for sure,” Peter said turning back around

“Don’t overthink it, just trust your instincts and you’ll be fine.”

“I know, I love you. Bye.” Peter hung up and made his way to the group

“Who is that guy?” Betty asked

“He’s like Thor and Iron man rolled into one.” Y/N flinched at the mention of her dad. Flash scoffed

“He’s alright, he’s no spiderman.”

“What is it with you and spiderman?” MJ asked Flash, Y/N glanced over at Peter who was standing next to MJ.

“What? He protects the neighborhood and he’s inspiring, he inspires me to be a better man. Sup, dickwad, thought you drowned.” Peter glared at Flash, Y/N threw Ned’s hat at him

“Don’t be an ass Flash.” Flash turned his attention back to the TV

“Sounds like his name is Mysterio,” Brad said

“Uomo del mistero is Italian for a man of mystery, they don’t actually know who he is.” Peter stared at MJ with awe, Y/N felt a slight pain in her chest, she patted her chest and looked back to the TV

“Mysterio?”

“Cool name.” Betty and Ned said at the same time

“Babeeee.” They said in unison

“Babe? When did this happen?” Y/N asked 

“Earlier on the gondola.” Y/N smiled, she turned her attention back to Peter, he was sitting next to MJ, quietly talking to her. Y/N could faintly hear what they were saying

“So, um Paris tomorrow. The Eiffel tower?”

“I heard it was…” Y/N tuned the rest out, for someone who said they didn’t like MJ, Peter acted really awkward around her as if he did have a crush on her, Y/N knew she got her hopes up for nothing. Brad came and sat next to Y/N, he gently placed his hand on top of hers.

“You alright?”

“Yeah, I’m fine.”

“Sorry about the whole man thing, I saw you flinch earlier.”

“It’s ok.” Y/N whispered

“You excited for Paris tomorrow?”

“Not really, I’ve seen Paris multiple times. I am excited for Prague though, never been there.”

“Well since you know Paris so well, maybe you can show me around.”

Peter tuned MJ out once he saw Brad sit next to Y/N, his hand on hers, he didn’t mean to overhear their conversation, but once he mentioned the two of them tour around, he stood up and walked over to them.

“I -" 

"Y/N?” Y/N turned to her right, removing her hands from Brad, Peter saw Brad’s smile fall.

“Yeah Pete?”

“Can you help me with something?” Y/N looked at him confused

“With what?" 

"It’s really important.” Peter widened his eyes and looked at his wrist and back at her

“Oh, ok. Yeah.” Y/N turned to Brad

“Sorry, Brad.”

“It’s fine, you can give me an answer later.” He smiled at her, Y/N smiled back and followed Peter to the back of the room, he pulled out one of his web-shooters and handed it to her

“What’s wrong with it?”

“I think it’s jammed.” Y/N nodded, opening up the little compartment, the wires had come loose and mixed up

“Peter, you could have fixed this yourself you know.”

“But you get it done so fast, I take too long.”

“I thought you didn’t want to be spiderman on vacation.”

“I don’t it’s just in case.”

“They’re all done, I would say test it out but…”

“Don’t worry, I trust you.” Y/N smiled, Mr. Harrington and Mr.Dell called out to everyone announcing to was “bedtime" 

"Come on, before we get in trouble.”

“I’m a stark, troubles my middle name.” Peter laughed, Y/N waved to Peter and went into her room. Peter entered his room only to be bombarded by Ned.

“What are you going to do about the water monster?” Ned asked, Peter, shrugged and shook his head

“Nothing, it’s dead. Plus that Mysterio guy is all over it.” He said heading to the sink to brush his teeth.

“Look I just wanna spend some time with Y/N, I think she likes me.”

“That’s nice, it reminds me of when Betty and I first fell in love, we were sitting there on the gondola and-” Peter heard the bed squeak, turning he saw Ned laying there with a dart in his neck.

“You’re a very difficult person to contact spiderman.” Peter looked at the corner of the room

“You’re Nick Fury, you just shot Ned,” he said in disbelief, pointing to Ned

“It’s just a mild tranquilizer, he’ll be fine,” Nick replied

“So good to finally meet you, I saw you at the funeral, but I didn’t think it was a good time to exchange numbers.”

“No that would’ve been really inappropriate,” Peter said

“That’s what I just said, the important thing is you’re here, I tried to bring you here, you avoided me. Now you’re here. What a coincidence.”

“Wait, was this a coincidence?” Peter asked

“ I used to know everything and then I come back 5 years later now I know nothing, no Intel, no team and a high school kid is dodging my calls. Here’s what I do know,” Nick said placing a hologram on the table

“A week ago a village in Mexico was wiped out by a cyclone, witnesses say that Cyclone had a face. 3 days later a similar event in Morocco a village was-” Nick was cut off by knocking at the door, pointing his gun towards the person

“Just making the rounds, seeing if anyone needs counseling after today’s events.” Mr. Harrington said

“Oh no, we’re ok,” Peter replied

“Oh thank god, cause I am not qualified to give counseling.” Mr. Harrington sighed in relief, he heard a snore

“Oh, he’s already asleep, I’ll leave you to it.” He said, closing the door

“Sorry, that was my teacher.” Peter smiled and Nick rolled his eyes.

“ A village was destroyed by what may well be another-” Nick was cut off by knocking again

“Babe? Are you ok? You aren’t answering my texts.”

“He’s asleep Betty.”

“Oh already?”

“Yeah.”

“Ok then." 

"Sorry, you were saying.” Peter motioned for Nick to go on, but the door opened to reveal Y/N in the shortest velvet shorts Peter had ever seen, along with a velvet top to match. Peter felt his breath hitch, heart pounding in his chest, palms beginning to sweat, face flushed, he felt hot.

“H-hey Y-Y/N.”

“Hey, Pete. I just wanted to know if you wanted to play Uno?” Y/N said pulling the cards from behind her back, she jumped when she heard knocking

“Hey boys, the canal water today was filled with dangerous bacteria, you might want to shower." 

"Ok, thank you, Mr. Dell.” Y/N heard his footsteps fade, Y/N noticed Peter’s attention was somewhere else, she turned to look at the corner of the room and jumped when she saw a figure sitting in the chair.

“What the fuck?” She squealed out.

“Miss Stark.” Y/N took a closer look

“Uncle Nick?”

“As I was saying, this could-” knocking come through the door again

“Peter, is Y/N with you?” MJ’s voice was faint

“If another person knocks on the door, we are going to attend another funeral.”

“No,” Peter whispered harshly at Nick

“Yeah MJ, we’re just gonna play a couple games then she’ll make her way to you.”

“Alright.”

“Are you here because of the water creature?” Y/N 

asked

“Yes I am, not bad enough I had one teen ignoring my calls, I happened to have 2. Suit up, spiderman. Y/N put on a jacket.” Y/N looked down at her PJ set, Morgan had picked it out because she thought it was a pretty color and it felt soft, why couldn’t she just go out like that.

“Why do I need a jacket?” Y/N asked

“It’s up to you, but we’re traveling by boat,” Nick said not in the mood to argue, Y/N nodded and started to make her way back to her room.

“Where are you going?” Nick asked

“To go get a sweater?” Y/N said pointing to the door

“Just use Parkers,” Nick replied, Y/N looked at Peter

“Can I borrow your sweater, Pete?” Peter’s cheeks showing a hint of pink

“Y-Yeah.” He said, handing her his blue zip-up hoodie. Y/N put it on, putting the hood up, twirling around.

“What do you think?” Peter couldn’t find his voice. He felt his cheeks flushed hot, and his stomach was heavy. His heart pounded in his throat, threatening to break out. To Peter Y/N looks absolutely stunning, how is it that just her putting on his jacket could have such an effect on him? Peter could feel himself falling for Y/N even more.

“Peter?” Peter blinked quickly

“Oh, you look good.” Y/N let her smile drop slightly and Peter noticed. Shit. He said the wrong thing. A million thoughts ran through Peter’s mind, he was starting to panic.

“I-I”

“Thanks, Peter.” Y/N smiled at him and turned around

“Why are you turning around?” Y/N turned back to face him

“Would you rather I look at you while you change into your suit?” Y/N saw Peter’s face turned even redder

“No, no. Umm, you can turn around.” Y/N nodded, quickly turning. She could hear the rustling of his clothes falling to the floor, Y/N felt her face heating up, her breathing became heavy. Breathe, Y/N, Breathe. 

“I’m done now.” Y/N turned to see Peter in his classic suit.

“Let’s go,” Nick said, the teens nodded and Peter puts his mask on. Nick led the teens out of the side of the hotel and onto the boat, Y/N wrapped her arms around her middle, the air was slightly humid, but the breeze was cool. Y/N sat down behind Peter and Nick.

“Stark left these for you,” Nick said to Peter handing him a case, Peter looked down

“Really?” Peter asked, taking the case hesitantly. He looked back at Y/N, she gave him an encouraging smile, she knew what her dad left for Peter. Peter turned back opening the case to see Tony’s iconic sunglasses sitting in the center, he gasped quickly turning back to Y/N. Y/N was just staring off into the distance, thinking.

“Are you sure these aren’t for Y/N?”

“He’s sure Peter,” Y/N said turning to look at him

“Dad picked you.” Y/N smiled brightly, e/c eyes twinkling under the moonlight. Y/N saw Peter’s mask shift he was smiling, god she wished she could see that smile. Peter thanked the heavens when Y/N smiled, he loves seeing her smile.

“Uneasy lies the head that wears the crown. Stark said that you wouldn’t get that because it’s not a Star Wars reference.” Y/N giggled

“I mean he’s not wrong."  Y/N could practically see Peter’s expression

"Heyyy,” Peter whined, Y/N stuck out her tongue.

“We’re here,” Nick said parking the boat

“A cave? Really?” Nick narrowed his eyes and walked ahead of the teens.

“Lose the mask everyone here has seen you without it. you’ll only be fading anonymity and breathing through spandex for no good reason.” Peter removed his mask, letting out a deep breath

“Do you want me to hold that for you?” Y/N asked

“Please,” Peter said handing the mask to her, she put it in Peters hoodie pocket.

“Come on,” Nick said

“There we have Maria Hill that is Dimitri and this is Mr. Beck.” Y/N waved at Maria and Dimitri, the figure known as Mr. Beck turned around.

“Mysterio?” Peter asked

“What?” The taller man replied

“Doesn’t matter, it’s just what our friends are calling you,” Peter replied shyly. Y/N stood next to Peter, her e/c narrowed at the man in front of her.

“You know you look really familiar.” Y/N said, Beck turned and looked at her

“Do I?”

“Yeah, I just can't remember where I’ve seen you before.”

“That’s not possible Y/N,” Maria said

“Why not?” Y/N questioned

“Just listen,” Maria replied, Y/N crossed her arms over her chest and grumbled

“You guys can call me Quentin,” He said, offering his hand out to Peter, he shook his and moved over to Y/N, she took his hand and looked at him closer. Beck pulled away and looked back at Peter

“You handled yourself out there I saw what you did with the tower we could use someone like you on our world,” Beck said, turning back around and walking around the table

“Thanks. I’m sorry? Your world?” Peter asked confused, Y/N looked just as confused

“Mr. Beck is from Earth just not yours,” Nick replied

“There are multiple realities Peter, Y/N. This is earth 616, I’m from earth 833.”

“I’m sorry, you’re saying there’s a multiverse,” Y/N scoffed, Peter and Beck looked over to her

“No, go on Peter.” Y/N motioned for him to continue

“Cuz I just thought that was theoretical I mean that completely changes how we understand the ignition singularity we’re talking about an internal inflation system and how does that even work with all the quantum that’s insane,” Peter turned around to see Nick and Maria staring at him in surprise

“Sorry, it’s really cool,” Peter said shyly

“It seems that your girlfriend doesn’t believe me.”

“She’s not my girlfriend.” Peter stuttered, pink tinting his cheeks once again

“No I believe in Multiverses, I just don’t think you’re from one. I mean I know for a fact that there are alternate realities and the possibility of traveling to another dimension is possible, Dr. Strange taught me all about it and how to was able to travel through dimensions.” Everyone looked at her shocked

“Wait, Dr. Strange traveled through dimensions?” Peter asked

“Yeah, I was asking him about a way to bring dad back, but he said it would alter our dimensions reality and hurt us more than help.”

“Bring back your father?” Beck asked

“Her father was Tony Stark, I don’t know if they fill you in on him.”

“Ah, yes the brave hero who sacrificed himself to save the world. He was your father?” Y/N nodded

“He was a brave man, I’m sorry you had to lose him,” Beck said

“You know, your lips say you are sorry but your eyes say something else, if you don’t feel anything, don’t say anything. I don’t need your fake pity." 

"Y/N, He wasn’t faking it. He genuinely said it, you don’t have to be so rude.” Y/N stood there shocked, Peter had taken Becks side, Y/N could feel the hot tears prick her eyes. 

“I don’t need pity.” Y/N stated once again before walking away from Peter to stand on the dark corner with Dimitri.

“Y/N…” Peter sighed, great. He screwed up again.

“Anyway, Peter, don’t ever apologize for being the smartest guy in the room.” Peter’s face lit up at the compliment, Maria and Nick scoffed

“Anyway,” Maria said pulling up the holograms. 

“They were born in stable orbits within black holes creatures formed from the primary elements air water fire earth. The science division had a technical name we just called them Elementals.” Beck stated

“Versions of them exist across our mythology,” Maria said

“What is this avatar the last Airbender?” Y/N said, not thinking anyone heard her, her eyes widened when she heard Peter laugh.

“Turns out the myths are real.”

“Like uncle Loki and uncle Thor.” Y/N chimed in 

“Yeah, Thor was a myth now we study him in physics class.”

“These myths are threats. And did you just say, uncle Loki?” Nick said turning to Y/N, she shrugged

“He told me stories of Asgard when I was younger." 

"2012 younger?”

“Yeah.”

“He was also a threat.” Y/N rolled her eyes

“Not to me, he would sit there and use his magic to tell me stories. Uncle Nick, we’re getting off track, can we continue?”

“They first materialized on my earth. Many years ago we mobilized and fought for them but with each battle, they grew stronger. I was part of the last battalion so was trying to stop them all we did was delay the inevitable,” Beck continued

“The Elementals are here now attacking the same coordinates our satellites confirm it,” Maria said

“Beck managed to destroy the other 3, there’s only 1 left. Fire.” Nick commented

“The strongest of them all, the one who destroyed my earth. It’s the one who took my family.” Beck said with a hint of sadness in his voice

“Hey F.R.I.D.A.Y?” Y/N whispered into her earpiece

“Yes miss Stark?" 

"Is it possible to do facial recognition on Beck over there?”

“Of course. Would you like me to run one now?" 

"Yes, please." 

"I’m sorry,” Peter choked out

“It’ll be in Prague in approximately 48 hours,"  Maor said

"We have one mission, kill it and the two of you are coming with us.”

Peter turned back to Y/N

“Sorry, can’t help.” Y/N butted in

“Mr. Fury, this seems like big huge superhero stuff, I mean I’m just the friendly neighborhood Spider-Man.”

“Bitch please, you’ve been to space.”

“He’s got a point, Pete,” Y/N chimed in

“Why aren’t you helping? Do you wanna go?” Peter asked Y/N

“I’m not going, he can’t force me. Plus I’m not a superhero so why am I involved?”

“Because you decided to put on that suit and help Parker here,” Maria replied

“There’s gotta be someone else you can use.” Y/N said walking towards the group

“What about Thor?” Peter asked

“Off-world,” Nick replied

“Dr. Strange?” Y/N asked

“Unavailable,” Maria replied

“Captain Marvel?” Peter asked

“Don’t invoke her name,” Nick replied

“Look we really wanna help we really do, but if my aunt,”

“And Pepper.”

“Find out we left our class trip,”

“They’ll kill us.” Peter nodded

“What she said, plus if I’m seen like this in Europe after the Washington monument my whole class will figure out who I am and then the whole world will figure out who I am and then I’m done,” Peter said frantically

“Ok… I understand.” Peter looked over to Y/N, she narrowed her eyes and stared at Nick

“I’m sorry? What?” Peter asked

“Why don’t you guys head back before the teachers miss you and become suspicious. Dimitri, take them back to the hotel please.” Nick replied

“Yes,” Dimitri said with a nod

“Thank you, Mr. Fury,” Peter said, grabbing onto Y/Ns hand

“I don’t know what game your playing at uncle Nick, but you better not hijack our vacation, because for once, we are relaxing and having fun AND IF I FIND OUT WE AREN’T GOING TO PARIS TOMORROW FOR THE 4 DAYS AND THEN PRAGUE, EVEN THOUGH I ALREADY SEEN IT, I WILL FIGHT YOU.” Y/N threatened Nick, he smiled.

“Calm down, little Stark.” Y/N glared pointing two fingers to her eyes and back at Nick

“I’m watching you.” She whispered out

“Come on, Peter.” The two walked out hand in hand.

“You really don’t think he’ll hijack our vacation, do you?”

“Knowing him. Yes.” Peter groaned

“I guess I can’t show Brad around.” Peter froze at that sentence

“What?” He asked, his heart sank to the floor

“Hmm, he asked if I could show him around Paris, I was gonna say ok but you came and asked for help.”

“You were going to say yes?” Y/N nodded

“Yeah, MJ asked me earlier too, before we left the breakfast place, figured we could make it a group thing.” Y/N replied, Peter finally felt like he could breathe when she mentioned it could be a group thing.

“A group thing?” Peter asked as they settled back into the boat

“Yeah, Brad, MJ, Ned, Betty, you and me, unless you wanted it to be just Brad and I because I really don’t have much to talk to him and I didn’t want to be awkward.”

“Y/N?” Y/N looked up and met Peter’s chocolate brown eyes

“Yeah?”

“Do you like Brad?” Peter asked, his voice shaking slightly

“Yeah, why wouldn’t I?” Y/N replied as if it were nothing, Peter looked down, he could feel his heart shattering into a million pieces.

“He’s nice and seems like a good friend.” Y/N continued, Peter’s head shot up

“OH, friend.” Peter smiled and sighed in relief 

“Yeah… what did you think I meant?” Y/N asked with a confused expression on her face

“I thought you know, more than a friend.” Y/N chuckled

“No, I really don’t know him well enough to like him like that, I mean he’s nice and all but we barely started talking on this trip. I highly doubt I’ll like him in that way.” Peter couldn’t help it, a big smile appeared on his face, he didn’t mean to show the fact that he was so happy that Y/N didn’t like Brad. Y/N couldn’t help but smile at Peter, the moonlight hitting softly on his face it highlighted his smile, he looked so pretty.

“We are here.” Dimitri interrupted them

“Thank you Mr. Dimitri sir,” Peter said while climbing out the boat

“Thank you, Dimitri.” Y/N replied and kissed his cheek

“Tell “uncle Fury” and “Aunt Maria”, they should work on acting like themselves.” Y/N whispered in his ear and climbed out of the boat, the teens waved bye and Peter swung them up to his room. 

“That tranquilizer is amazing, usually they wear off after a couple hours.” Y/N said looking at Ned snoring on the bed.

“Yeah,” Peter replied, pressing the spider logo in the center, the suit becoming loose on his body, the suit started to slide off his body just as Y/N turned back around to face him. The two of them stood there frozen, Y/N couldn’t help to look him up and down, she felt the blood rushing to her cheeks.

“Sorry!” Y/N squeaked out and turned so fast she almost fell, she had seen Peter shirtless before at the compound, the pool parties her dad threw, but this was different she has a crush on him now, been harboring a crush on him for almost 7 years.

“It’s it’s alright,” Peter replied breathless, looking around for his PJ pants and shirt. He quickly stumbled into his PJs, Y/N could hear Peter struggling and him crashing into the dresser

“You can turn around now,” Peter said breathlessly. Y/N turned around and looked at the small clock behind him, 2:15 am. Y/N started to take Peter’s hoodie off

“What are you doing?” Peter asked

“It’s late Pete, I’m giving you back your hoodie and going back to my room.”

“Keep it.” Y/N stopped

“What?”

“Keep it, you look better in it than I do.” Y/N blushed

“Ok, goodnight Peter.” Y/N said opening the door

“Goodnight Y/N.” Peter waved, Y/N smiled and closed the door behind her. Peter jumped and fell onto his bed, rolling over grabbing his pillow hugging it, closing his eyes he fell asleep, a smile appeared on his face. Y/N quietly opened and closed her room door, MJ was sound asleep in her bed, she quietly climbed into the bed, rolling over and closed her eyes.

————

Y/N groaned when she heard banging on the door once again, she faintly heard the shower running, grumbling she stood and opened the door, Mr. Harrington standing on the other side.

“Good morning, Y/N.”

“Good morning, Mr. Harrington. Same thing as yesterday?” Y/N mumbled out.

“Yes.”

“Ok.” Y/N said closing the door, MJ stepped out fully dressed in an olive green long sleeve, black jeans, and a black hoodie to match.

“You got in pretty late last night,” MJ said

“Sorry, did I wake you?”

“No, how was Uno?”

“Good, kicked Peter’s ass.” MJ laughed

“Showers free.” Y/N nodded grabbing her clothes and towel, turning the water on she checked the temperature it was warmer than yesterday, she entered the shower. Finished she climbed out dried herself and changed into shorts, black crop top and her vans. Y/N packed up her leftover clothing, looking at the bed where Peter’s hoodie laid, she smiled and put the hoodie on.

“Is that Peters?” MJ asked

“Yeah, I got cold last night and he let me borrow it.” MJ nodded, her lips in a tight line

“You ready?” MJ asked

“Yeah.” Y/N said, grabbing her bag and heading down to the lobby with MJ, they saw Peter and Ned already waiting downstairs

“You guys excited?” Ned asked

“Yeah,” MJ replied

“Yes!” Peter replied

“Eh,” Y/N replied

“You don’t like Paris?” Ned asked

“Been there too many times,” 

“But we get to climb the Eiffel tower,” Ned said

“Yeah, don’t really like it. The last time I went to Paris, my dad was meeting with an important client and he had a son, he literally lit up the tower and had fireworks go off to confess his “love” to me. I didn’t even know the guy, hung out with him for like 2 days and he pulled that.” Y/N confessed, shaking her head. Peter could feel the jealousy form in the pit of his stomach

“What’d you tell him?” MJ asked

“I told him I didn’t see him that way, hurt his ego because he did a complete 180 and started to call me names, so I kneed him in balls and walked away.” Y/N said with a smile on her face, MJ high fived her. Betty came over and started to worry over Ned, MJ rolled her eyes but smiled and walked over to Brad.

“I’m going to go get you a vitamin C tablet, ok babe.” Ned smiled and Betty walked off

“Hey Ned, are you sure you’re good?” Y/N asked

“Oh, I’m fine,” Ned replied happily

“You sure?” Peter asked again

“Yeah, dude. I’m fine, you guys don’t worry. Seriously getting tranqed in the neck by Nick Fury probably the coolest thing to happen to me anyway.” Y/N laughed

“ Yeah, that is pretty cool,” Peter replied, doing his handshake with Ned Y/N nodded 

“Well from the looks of it Uncle Nick hasn’t hijacked our vacation that’s a plus side.” Just as Y/N said that Mr. Harrington came out with an announcement.

“Well good news everyone we’re going to Prague.”

“Wait. What?” Everyone asked

“We were going to Prague anyway Mr. Harrington, why are we skipping Paris?” Flash asked

“Yeah, the tour company called they upgraded us. You should have heard me on the phone with them I really gave them hell.”

“All I heard was crying.” Mr. Dell replied

“So instead of Prais, we’re going to Prague for the remaining 7 days. So come on let’s go” Mr. Harrington said. Y/N groaned and whispered

“I’m going to kill him.” The group followed Mr. Harrington to the center of the plaza, a decked-out bus waiting for them and Dimitri standing there holding a sign

“Look at our upgraded ride everyone.” Mr. Harrington said proudly

“I gotta say I’m impressed, Mr. Harrington.” Mr. Dell replied

“Peter, Y/N what’s going on?”

“I think Nick Fury just hijacked our summer vacation,” Peter replied with a groan

“Awesome,” Ned said, heading towards the bus

“That’s it, I’m going to kill him, Uncle Bucky managed to almost kill him, I’m pretty sure I won’t miss.” Peter stared at Y/N as she went on her little rant. God, she looked pretty even when she was angry. Everyone left their bags for Dimitri and climbed on, except for Peter and Y/N.

“Hello, Dimitri.” 

“Miss Stark.” He replied

“You know where he is?” She asked

“I do, he said to give you this.” Dimitri pulled out a folded paper, Y/N opened it

Said you hated Paris, did you a favor. You’re welcome, also if you think you can take me on, you got another thing coming-Fury.

Y/N crumpled the paper in her hand “Motherfu-”

“Language,” Dimitri said

“What are you, Uncle Steve?” Dimitri didn’t reply just cocking his head to the side motioning them to get on the bus. Peter and Y/N entered, wanting to sit in the back but Brad grabbed Y/N’s wrist

“Wanna sit with me?”

“Oh, um sure.” Y/N looked at Peter who already made himself comfortable in the back of the bus, she took a seat next to Brad.

———

2 hours later

“Yo! What’s up flashmob. It’s your boy Flash with the whole class on this nice bus.” Y/N could see Dimitri shaking his head, Y/N turned back to look at Peter, he was on his phone sighing she turned her attention back to Brad. Peter scrolled through his phone looking at pictures of the garden. Peter sighed, putting his phone down, looking in his backpack, he saw Tony’s case sitting there, he grabbed them, putting them on for the first time. Peter looked down, seeing a little note in the case, opening it he read it out to himself

“For the next Iron Man, I trust you. Say, Edith.” The glasses changed to a blue hue in front of Peter’s eyes

“Stand by for retinal and biometric scan.” He heard an automated voice reply

“Retinol and biometric scan accepted.”  the voice that again

“Hello?”  Peter asked 

“Hello, Peter I am Edith Tony Starks augmented reality security and defense system.”

“So he made you for me?” Peter asked happily

“No, but you have access to all of Tony’s protocols.”

“Cool,” Peter smiled

“Would you like to see what I can do?” Edith asked, Y/N turned back again and saw Peter wearing her dad’s glasses.

“Oh god, I hope he doesn’t do anything stupid.” Y/N mumbled

“What?” Brad asked

“Nothing, just talking to myself.” Y/N smiled, Brad smiled back at her and continued to talk about what happened over the last 5 years they missed.

“Edith stands for even dead I’m the hero,  Tony loved his acronyms.” Peter laughed

“Yeah, he did.”

“I have access to the entire Stark Global Security Network,  including multiple defense satellites and back doors to all major telecommunication Networks.” Peter saw his classmates’ text messages pulled up on the screen.

“Woah.” He exclaimed in awe.

“Is Y/N texting?” Y/N texts appeared on screen, she was messaging Pepper

“No, No don’t look at it, that’s wrong.” Peter shook his head and curled into himself as the text disappeared from his view

Y/N: Well the plan took a setback

Pepper: What happened?

Y/N: Nick Fury happened

Pepper: Oh no

Y/N: We aren’t going to Paris, we’re just heading straight to Prague. Pepper this sucks, I really wanted to take Peter to the wall of love and confess to him, now I have no idea what to do.

Pepper: Don’t worry, we’ll think of something. Morgan says “just grab his face and kiss him”

Y/N: I can’t do that, what if he doesn’t like me. He told me he doesn’t like MJ, but I have a feeling he’s lying to me, I think he likes her and I think she likes him too, she wasn’t really happy that I’m wearing his hood right now.

Pepper: Gotta go with your gut, sweetie. You got this, you don’t need some elaborate plan to confess to him, just go on a walk and confess.

Y/N: But…

Pepper: No buts.

Y/N: Ok, I love you, tell Morgan I love her and goodnight

Pepper: We love you too, Morgan says night and she wants a voice call later.

Y/N: Of course.

“Who you texting?” Brad asked

“My mom.” Y/N replied

“Where is your mom? Since you know, Mr. Stark married Ms. Potts”

“Which one? My birth mother, she died a long time ago. Pepper’s my mom, she has been since I was 6. I feel bad that I don’t call her that, but I think she would feel awkward if I called her mom and I’m not her biological kid.”

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to sound rude,”

“You were just curious.” Y/N shut Brad down, Brad smiled and looked out the window. The bus pulled into a rest stop, finally, Y/N was starving, she smiled at the thought of snacks. One by one the group got off the bus

“Let’s go, 10 minutes.” Mr. Dell yelled

“Toilet, where’s the toilet?” Mr. Dell said looking around frantically

“Dimitri where exactly are we?” Mr. Harrington asked Dimitri didn’t respond

“Ok, I’ll just figure it out on the map.” He said walking away, Y/N went towards the restrooms with the girls, Peter was the last to get off, he was stopped by Dimitri nodding his head in the opposite direction, a beautiful tall blonde in all black stood at the door, Peter entered the room

“Hello.”

“Close the door.” The mystery woman responded, Peter, turned around and closed the door behind him

“Okay… I’m Peter Parker.”

“Take off your clothes.” Peter gripped the straps of this backpack even tighter, he stood there flabbergasted

“Excuse me?”

“You told us spider man could not be seen in Europe, so I made you this.” She said, grabbing the neatly folded suit, handing it to him, Peter took the suit.

“Another suit.” She continued

“Oh, Ah. Ummm, I’m sure it fits fine-”

“Take off your clothes!” She said more aggressively

“Ok,” Peter replied, slowly taking off his backpack, he unbuckled his belt and unbuttoned his jeans

“This is a little weird.”

“Now hurry up!” She said, Peter dropped his pants, the door opened, Peter panicked when she saw the woman attempting to pull out a gun

“No, No, No, NO, NO.” He said frantically going to her side to stop her, Brad stood at the entrance.

“Ummm.” Peter managed to say

“Sorry… I thought this was the restroom.” Brad replied

“This is not what it looks like, just-”

“Uhhh, yeah.” Brad interrupted lifting his phone to take a picture

“What are you doing? Brad-”

“I’ll leave you two alone,” Brad said walking away, Peter walked towards him, the woman pulling out her gun

“Don’t shoot him.” Peter come running out, pulling up his pants and quickly buttoning them 

“Brad! It’s not what it looks like buddy. Hey, man look that’s-”

“Look, Peter, I’m not here to judge your life choices dude, if you wanna hook up with some random European chick on our school trip that’s on you.”

“No, no that’s not what that was honest,” Peter said, desperation in his voice

“I can’t pretend I didn’t see what I just saw. I know you’re trying to get with Y/N it’s obvious.  I like her too.”

“Wait a minute, wait a minute.” Peter started to feel every nerve in his body paralyzed with fear 

“You can’t show that photo dude, come on,”  Peter said desperately

“ I’m sorry man. I have to she deserves the truth.” Brad said walking away, Peter looked over to find Y/N with a bag full of snacks, her smile big and wide, radiating warmth. Peter ran his fingers through his hair and groaned

“Fuck!” Peter looked around for Ned

“Ned, NED!” He said running to him once he found him

“I need you to do me a favor, please.”

“Sure, what’s up?”

“I need you to make sure Y/N doesn’t sit next to Brad.”

“How?”

“I don’t know, just please Ned, I’m begging you.” Ned looked at Peter, he could see the desperation in his eyes.

“Ok.”

“Thank you.” Peter sighed in relief

“Alright, kids, back on the bus!” Mr. Dell yelled.

“Hey, babe?” Ned looked at Betty

“Yeah, babe?”

“Is it alright if I sit with Y/N for a bit, I wanna talk to her about something.”

“Sure, just come back to me when you’re done.”

“Of course.” Ned made his way to Y/N

“Hey, Y/N, can I sit with you?”

“Sure Ned. I got snacks we can share.” Y/N said, holding up her bag and smiling, Ned turned to the side giving Peter a thumbs up, Peter nodded and gave him one back. Everyone made their way back onto the bus. Peter quickly sat in front of the bus and put Edith on.

“Edith?”

“Hello, Peter how can I help you?”

“Hey, there’s this guy in my class he’s kind of got a-”

“Peter,  I’m having difficulty hearing you, can you please speak up?”

“ Umm, Brad Davis, he has a photo of me.”

“ Brad Davis. Is he a target?” The photo appeared on Peter’s screen

“Is Brad a Target? Umm,” He turned back to look at Brad and the over to Y/N, who was happily eating a bag of chips. Peter turned back around and sunk into his chair.

“Yeah he’s a Target he’s a Target.”

“Copy that.  Target is Brad Davis initiating a strike.”

“Egnitionating what now?” Peter asked panicked

“Intercept Point determined, initiating kill vehicle.”

“Edith?”  Y/N heard a beep coming from her watch

“Can you give me a sec, Ned?” 

“Sure.” Y/N put her com in her ear

“What’s up, F.R.I.D.A.Y?”

“I just got a notification from your father’s defense system.”

“What happened?”

“It seems a drone has been launched, it just entered the atmosphere and is headed your way.”

“WHAT?!” Y/N yelled, the group went silent

“Is something wrong Y/N?” Mr. Harrington asked Y/N glared at Peter

“Yeah, everything’s just peachy.” Y/N stood and sat next to Peter

“ARE YOU INSANE?” Y/N yelled- whispered

“I DIDN’T MEAN TO!” He replied back, Y/N turned back to see the drone hot on their tail, Flash reached across the two of them and grabbed Peter’s glasses

“Nice glasses PArker, how’d you pay for these?” He asked putting them on. Peter stood

“Flash, no, no, no give them back,” Peter looked and the drone was getting closer and closer

“No, I like them.”

“Please Flash give them back to me now.” He said accidentally hitting Flash in the face knocking him out

“I’m sorry.” Peter squealed out

“F.R.I.D.A.Y can you override that thing?”

“Edith is the only one with the power to call back the drone attack.”

“Huh great.” Y/N said throwing her hands in the air

“Edith, don’t kill Brad,” Peter whispered

“Peter do you want me to cancel this drone strike on Brad Davis?”

“Did you just punch Flash?”

“No,” Peter said clear as day 

“PETER!” Y/N yelled

“Firing,” Edith stated, Y/N turned back and looked at the drone ready to fire Peter, shot a web steering the bus away from the shot. The drone missed, everyone screamed as Dimitri tried to control the bus again. Once the bus was going straight again, everyone calmed down

“Peter, your butt better find a seat.” Mr. Harrington said

“Ah, Look at the baby mountain goats!” Peter said quickly

“Baby mountain goats?” Everyone turned their attention to the side of the bus except Y/N. Y/N saw Peter jump up out of the bus, she turned to see his webs on each side of the drone and it being thrown into the side of the cliff. Peter landed just in time to see everyone turn and look at him.

“I didn’t see anything.”

“Oh, you just missed them.” Peter sighed and plopped down next to Y/N

“F.R.I.D.A.Y, why was there a drone strike?”

“It seems that Mr. Parker called a drone strike on Brad Davis.”

“You called a drone strike on Brad?” Y/N whispered harshly

“I didn’t mean too, I didn’t know what she meant.” Y/N sighed

“At least you were able to get rid of it.”

“Yeah.” Y/N looked over to Flash, he woke up holding his jaw, Y/N sighed and moved next to Flash

“Edith? Let’s try this again. Can you just delete the picture and make sure he’s not able to recover it?”

“Of course Peter.” Y/N sat back down next to Peter

“How’s Flash?”

“He’s good.” Peter nodded

“Pete?”

“Yeah?”

“Your hoodie’s comfortable.” Y/N said, a hint of tiredness in her voice. Peter smiled, he knew where this was leading, whenever she would get way too full she would become tired and sleepy. Y/N felt her eyes flutter closed, her head bobbed from side to side finally landing on Peter’s shoulder. Peter smiled,

“Would you like to take a picture, Peter?”

“What? Oh, yes please.” Peter saw the picture appear in the corner

“Would you like me to create a file?”

“Please, call it sunshine.”

“There’s a file already called sunshine would you like me to add on to it? If you want me to take anymore, just put me on and I will take more photos and videos.”

“Yeah, can you open up the file?”

“Of course.” Hundreds of photos and videos appeared in order, Peter looked through each photo, they were all of Y/N. When she was younger it was labeled by age, Peter looked through age 6, a photo of her in pokemon PJs and Pikachu ears headband, the next was of her and Tony, she was on his back, Tony looking up and her making a funny face and her smiling, Peter smiled and chuckled, he skipped through the photos, the last one was a video of her birthday, Peter looked around for Tony, but he was nowhere to be found. Y/N had tears in her eyes, Pepper and Happy sang happy birthday to the little girl, her lips quivering.

“Blow out the candles, sweetie.” Peter heard Pepper say, Y/N sniffled and blew out the candles

“What’d you wish for little Stark?”

“For daddy to keep his promise.” Everyone went silent

“Can I have cake now?” Pepper cleared her throat

“Of course, sweetie.” The video cut off, a note under the video appeared. 

The worst feeling in the world, I gotta make it up to her.

 Peter saw the video change into photos, age 7, age 8, age 9, age 10, age 11 photos and videos of her with the avengers appeared, Peter smiled, they all looked so happy, age 12, age 13, age 14, age 15, age 16, Peter froze when he saw photos of her and him started to appear, a note appeared on the bottom The kid and my little girl, it’s hard to pretend that I don’t know that he sneaks into her room at night. Peter coughed, as photos of the 2 of them appeared on the compound yard late at night, laying down. The last picture that appeared was the one he took, a note appeared once again

Hey kid, is there a reason you’re going through my files? I don’t really know how to start this. Well one, I know you sneak into my daughter’s room, you guys aren’t as quiet as you think, second, you’re lucky Pepper is holding me back because I would have attacked you by now, third, thank you. Thank you for making her smile when I couldn’t and for making her laugh and feel safe. I know you like her kid, I see the way you look at her and in all honesty when I saw that look I saw my whole life flash before my eyes, I was always busy being Iron Man but when I spent time with her, it felt like time stopped, no worry in the world, I was scared to lose her to you, she wouldn’t need me anymore now that she has spider man by her side, then I realized I’m her dad, she’ll always need me, I mean I am Tony Stark. I hope that I get the chance to see the two of you date, hell, maybe even get married. I miss her and you, I’ll get the two of you back, I promise. Peter… if anything happens to me, take good care of her, make her laugh, smile and give her the world.

Peter didn’t realize the hot tears rolling down his cheeks, he quickly wiped the tears away, taking off Edith, he looked down at Y/N. Peter quickly looked around the bus to see if anyone was looking at them, everyone was in their own world. Peter looked back down, placing a kiss on the top of Y/N’s head, he whispered

“I really do hope you’re asleep, I like you and I’m planning on confessing to you in Prague. I hope I don’t make a fool of myself. When Brad sat next to you earlier my heart sank, he’s trying to get to know you better, just please don’t go liking Brad, I hope you like me too. You mean the world to me.” 

Tags:

@ziggyspurplehaze @ghost-brocolli @a-sweet-little-fangirl @imafreakingtaco @karlitabi-rrito@rexorangecounty @outsider-underwater@alisoncdariel @too-involved @laurxn-robinson@princessdancingonthesunshine @eridanuswave@readixgkodie615 @sltwins @xjaelee @peruvian-bae @aestheticgaybish @gwil-myee @editsbyjenny@soniasalvatore1 @avnngrs @lifestragedy @whatareyouhidingpeter @thatwhitemutant

[juicemitio]

Alright I went to Louisville Galaxycon and saw Travis and Clint twice, for their worldbuilding workshop and their Q&A. Here's some interesting stuff I learned (I didn't include stuff they talked about that's pretty common knowledge or they talked about on the last ttazz)

Graduation 

Fitzroy was originally going to be a jock that was weak bc he no longer had a team, Travis told Griffin that that didn't really work for the world so they reframed it as him training to be a hero, was great academically and behaviorally, but had a problem no one had seen before and no one felt like dealing with. It specifically wasn't "barbarian fails bc he can't keep his rage in check," it was that no one was willing to deal with his magic so they shipped him off

Someone asked Travis to explain fitzroy's magic, so from the DM's mouth- he's a barbarian subtype with elemental magic which has a random effect while raging, which we haven't seen yet (path of the wild soul if you want to look it up and see what he can do) and he took a feat which gives him the ability to cast 3 cantrips of his choosing. What I thought was interesting was that Travis described Fitz's magic using the word "elemental" twice, even though that isn't specifically stated in the path of the wild soul entry

Travis knows Argo's secret and is very excited about it 

Clint has a pirate fiction book he reads every night before they record to get into the headspace to play Argo, he told us the name but I forgot it 

There is one small little concept that made the whole of graduation make sense to Travis and is what the arc will be about, and he only figured it out a few days before recording. Obviously he didn't tell us what it was

Originally it was going to start with everyone starting at age 11 and slowly killing the other kids off, but Justin didn't feel comfortable playing a game surrounded by kids dying 

The accounting scene is already one of Travis' all time favorite taz scenes

The pegasus scene informed Travis on exactly how he was going to treat the firbolg

Also Travis referred to Justin's character exclusively as "the firbolg," which means "master firbolg" is solely a thing going on with the npcs in the game which I find hilarious. They just all decided to give him a dope title bc he deserves it, meanwhile no one will call Fitzroy "sir"

To Fitzroy, social threats are an extremely real and serious thing, like the Biggest thing to him (we were talking about what characters found threatening in the workshop, for context)  

There's some big concept/idea that comes up in the next episode that travis almost let spill and had to quickly stop himself from saying it

Someone mentioned eating breakfast in their question in the workshop and Travis goofed on it for a second, then said "cereal world" suddenly, and Clint had to pick up the question bc Travis had to take a second to make a note of it in his phone 

Travis started brainstorming graduation in March and they recorded the first episode in October, and his main job in that time was working on graduation 

Before Buckminster was adapted for graduation he could not fight at all, if he got into a fight he would die, he poured everything into charisma and could talk his way out of any fight (even the big bad of the game he crit 20d his check and the big bad walked away from the fight) 

Travis is really into psychology and how if you assign a label to someone they're going to act more like it (ie you tell a kid they're amazing and smart and talented and they become more like that, you tell a kid they're annoying and dumb and a problem they become more like that), and how that was a major contributor to play into hero/villain/sidekick/henchperson dynamics, you get assigned this arbitrary title of good/evil/subservient and you become like that to fit the role, and then the inevitable pushing against that mold

Travis is fully aware of his story being compared to harry potter and he doesn't care bc it's apt (people in a school arbitrarily divided into four groups and one of them is the Bad One), also he knows people describe it as "sky high meets Harry Potter meets my hero academia" and he actually finds that really flattering bc he thinks that sounds cool and like something he'd want to watch 

On that note, Travis is a self-identified Slytherin and he's always upheld that the reason Slytherin is depicted in a bad light is bc Rowling decided she didn't like them, and he's always sympathized with the idea of a first year Slytherin working their ass off following the rules and doing their work and getting points, and Dumbledore rewards three idiots for breaking like every rule and pulls the trophy away from you. This was a big inspiration for graduation, of one group getting a bad rep and being portrayed as evil for literally no reason 

Amnesty

Clint & Travis's favorite scene they've ever done together was Ned & Aubrey's final scene together 

Aubrey and Dani do move in with each other at the end of amnesty

Balance

Travis' main emotion around taz is pride and he's most proud of the scene in stolen century with the spirits in the robots, bc they had to record it a second time bc it got way too dark and ended in a really grim way and about 20 min after they finished they all decided that they weren't happy with it, that it didn't fit the tone, he's really proud they didn't just leave it be and they took the second pass at it to make it right

I'm pretty sure he's talked about wanting to kill Magnus off at the beginning before but he mentioned that it was only at the end of petals to the metal he actually realized he wanted Magnus to live, bc Hurley had to sacrifice herself to save Magnus bc Magnus had been so reckless, that hit Travis really hard. Travis realized that Magnus' recklessness was getting people hurt and so Magnus did too, so Magnus become a bit more cautious and took up rogue training to try not to get anyone killed again 

Dust

Dust wasn't designed to be anything more than a one off and the workload was completely unsustainable, the document of notes for dust was about 100 pages and only about 10% of it got used

The reason Travis loved it so much was bc it was a mystery and he found it really fun

Commitment

Clint would love to revisit commitment, but probably not in podcast form bc he didn't find himself really being in the moment as much bc of all the different things he had to keep track of, he'd like to see a comic adaptation/continuation if possible

It was based of a comic he wrote that never got published bc the company producing it failed (he still cashed his paycheck) so he reused it bc he still liked it a lot, it was about how America was founded as a monarchy instead of a democracy and what that changed in the usa's (united sovereignty of america's) history, and how people now were fighting to establish a democracy. Also there were cowboys and spaceships and other cool stuff he put in there bc he liked it

General adventure zone

The reason why they're are able to do romantic relationships w/o being weirded out by it (they joke about it but they don't actually care) is bc it's never done in an explicit or sexual way and since it's the decision the characters would make to pursue the relationship then that's the decision they make. He reframed it as it wouldn't be weird if a family were writing a script together and there was a romance and one person wrote lines for one character and the other wrote lines for the other. He did mention that two siblings playing characters in a relationship as actors on screen wouldn't be cool though

They sometimes get comments that some of the stuff they do is "fanservice," but they feel that they owe their success to their fans and they owe some to them 

They are both aware of and proud that Justin is the best at character creation, Clint specifically really was talking about how Justin's strong suit is definitely character creation and characterization

General mcelroy stuff

They walked pretty close to me when they entered the stage room for the q&a and like… they're short, like shorter than you think

Travis referred to his unborn child as "baby dod" (I'm not 100% certain but I'm pretty sure) which I looked up and is a nickname for George, and given with their older kid being named Barbera and nicknamed BeBe and Travis talking before about how he and his wife like classic names with cool nicknames it makes sense

Travis had an earing in his right ear, I didn't get to see his left ear and I couldn't tell if it was an actual piercing or a fake, it looked really good though. Also his tinted glasses look a lot cooler irl than they do in pictures

Clint told the teenage mutant Ninja turtle story with the signatures that griffin told on mbmbam, but Clint remembered it as happening at King's Island, not Disney. This story was prompted by the question of the biggest lie he ever told his kids, and he only came clean about this a few months ago

Travis told a story about how he finished a videogame when he was younger and was so excited that he picked up a plastic knife, yelled "throwing knife!" threw it directly at Griffin who dodged it and it hit and shattered a window

[owldart]

I like giving choices, so 41. “Granted, this has never worked before, so really we’re just hanging onto hope with this one.” for the Benry AU or 30. “Just because I did it doesn’t mean you should too.” for Mayday Parker?

(Mayday’s will be coming later, thank you for enabling me snail)

“Granted, this has never worked before, so really we’re just hanging onto hope with this one.”

It’s true, but Linda still feels like Thomas shouldn’t say it.

Or, well, Tom. As he likes to be called.

It’s a bit odd to call a large hunk of human remains, soul, and ink ‘Tom’, Linda thinks, but then again, it’s not nearly as odd as calling her husband a ‘cartoon’. So she believes she can live with a bit of odd. Not too much, mind you- but just enough.

Lindy is arms deep in paper and paint. There’s some other young man next to her, a book on magic open in his hands, and he’s pointing out where she needs to be more precise in her markmaking, and where she can afford to let the details go. His name is something like Elijah, Elias, Eli. It begins with E.

Considering that they’re basically ‘suing Joey Drew across time, space, and several planes of existence’, Lindy doesn’t mind the direction. Or her father occasionally looking anxiously over her shoulder.

There’s a sound from nowhere like a slide whistle whenever he attempts to subtly slide over. He’d never been able to hide his moods from Linda, but now he’s even more obvious than he ever was before.

He’s also much shorter, but Linda has always been taller than her husband.

It’s his mind that she’s worried about.

Henry’s been odd, since coming back. And more than ‘just enough’ odd. He’s comical, but it’s not his sense of humor. He adapts, but his plans are less sensical. He feels completely different.

Last night, over a cup of something she’d slipped some of his favorite whiskey in at his request, he admitted that it frightened him. Because he could feel the change.

So Linda had stepped in.

With her daughter, every one of those ‘cartoons’ from the studio, and a hefty amount of phone calls made from the Magical Yellow Pages, she’d enacted her plan- to remove the magic from her husband and all those affected, to the best of her ability. Magic relied on sacrifice and payment- whether it was something small, like a bit of energy to help a child fall asleep, or something large, like paying a sum of money to a group of transmuters to make a building. If Joseph Drew had unlawfully taken payment for his magic from her husband and his workers, who were ignorant to his machinations... then he had stolen. And a case could be made for Joey Drew to have to pay dividends to restore what had been lost.

Of course, Joey Drew didn’t say much these days. Instead, her husband had a an inky doppelganger whose sense of humor was even worse than what Henry used to have to animate. He chuckled, he laughed, he was expressive to a fault- but what used to be Joey Drew hadn’t said a real word in months.

Linda didn’t believe in demons. The existence of magic had been proven, and the existence of creatures made of magic was also a given- but the religious context of that existence was still hotly debated. If they were real and could be killed, were they anything but mortal?

Human, but less than expected. Magic, but more chaotic.

“I think this is what it should look like,” Lindy cuts into her thoughts, a smudge of gouache paint smeared across the tip of her nose. “I wrote the magical plea in ink, drew Dad the way I remember seeing him last in pencil and paint, and pinned that photo you gave me to the bottom.”

Elias- yes, that’s his name- nods, and seems happy with the work. He pulls out some sort of small bottle, and it’s full of what Linda can only describe as liquid stars.

“We’ve made the wish,” the man mutters, and uncorks the bottle. Lindy gives him a brush, and he dips it in.

Every ‘Toon’ gets a dab of starshine on their cheek- a small freckle of imagination.

Holding hands with her husband and concentrating, Linda focuses. Because she believes everything will be alright.

And as the plea letter starts to glow, starlight lifting it from the table, her small dream starts to come true.

[youtiaoshutiao]

go go squid! eps 1-30 - thoughts

i’ve actually read the novel for this a few years ago as a teen and it was just alright in my estimation, it was cute overall and a fun read but i largely forgot about it in the past few years. checked out the drama out of curiosity as to how they’d adapt it. have watched up to ep 30 at this point and i’d say i’m rather ambivalent (though i’m still pretty engaged) so here’s some rambling about my thoughts about my watch so far.

Ngl, the first 7 eps were unbearable to watch imo. I have a super low tolerance for secondhand embarrassment when watching movies and dramas (which is why i can’t get behind some high school movies/dramas) and it was uttermost torture watching tongnian stalk her way (very incompetently too, i must add) to k&k’s resting quarters, even getting his identity wrong (despite being fully capable of baidu searching him given that she knew his full name + found out he was part of a famous team), intending to go to watch him the next day but not even thinking about buying tickets till she was actually at the event venue and then being all righteous about not buying tickets from scalpers... Worrying about causing a misunderstanding among gun’s trainees yet continually getting near him and hence causing a misunderstanding anyway... Though i knew that it was part of her character setup (high iq genius but nil experience in love?) but i couldn’t bear to watch all this unfold haha. Coupled with the very draggy endless flashback scenes and all the testosterone-pumped angst about solo (and now 30 eps in i’m very into Li Xian’s turn as han shangyan but my eyebrows were hurting watching him furrow his brow 24/7) i was almost prepared to quit but was told that everything would get better around ep 8.

And lo and behold... it did. As predicted, around ep 8/9 a switch flipped and i began to be more engaged and enjoy the drama more. I was trying to pinpoint what exactly changed my opinion and i think above all, it was the character of han shangyan that really captivated/held my interest. I started seeing gun not just as the typical 霸道总裁 trope that’s just meant to be confident and commanding and therefore hot but more as a very complex and well fleshed out human (more so than the novel i think, but i can’t really remember at this point as it’s been years, and anyway the novel is a pretty short book while this drama is considered quite long for a modern fluffy cdrama thus allowing more room for exploration).

I really appreciated seeing all the dualities to his character, e.g. his god-like status in his industry and being the idol of thousands and thousands of youth yet seeing how this celebrity status does not translate to being estimated highly by the people around him, and how it does feed into his ideas and perception of himself to a certain extent, though he is also adamant on doing what he deems right, not caring what people think. How he as a leader of k&k appears unflappable, in control, and is determined, eyes fixed on the prize; yet his softness and care for his boys and the elderly he employs and his past teammates shine through in quiet moments and little actions. He has lofty dreams and big goals and aspirations for the future of his team, yet he is also a man bogged down by tons of emotional baggage, stuck in ruts of nostalgia and guilt and unprocessed anger about the past and unable to let go of past enmities or relations. Even his small little quirks amuse/intrigue me, like his sucking on sweets whenever he’s bothered, like his weird obsession with that one Beyond song and playing it whenever he’s Brooding about his past (though it’s probably just the drama’s way of shilling Netease Music lol)

Reading Han Shangyan’s personality/character arc as such, I found myself very invested in what was happening to him/what he was doing/his interactions with the other characters in the story. Even the flashback scenes and SP team scenes that I found very droll initially and still do to a certain extent now held more of my interest as a gateway to understand HSY more. He’s definitely not a perfect character and is deeply flawed, but I appreciated that they portrayed him in such a manner as he definitely felt more real. (though when it came to how this comes into play with regards to his r/ship with Tong Nian, I had rather mixed feelings about it, which I’ll elaborate on further below)

Similarly, I also enjoyed the fleshing out of side characters like Mi Shaofei, Solo, Su Cheng, Xiao Ai etc. Mi Shaofei’s arc especially was very moving and wistful to me, seeing him have his dream of being a champion rekindled at the start of the drama and going back to be a competitive CTF athlete, yet having his age and his lack of practice cause him to not be in top form and doing badly, and eventually making the decision to retire. Seeing him express regret having quit together with Han Shangyan back in the day in a pique of anger and not having this arc resolve in a neat, fulfilling way - I really appreciated it and thought it illuminated quite a sobering reality that timing and circumstances may not always yield the best outcome, that actions from the past that you thought were the right thing to do may come back to haunt you, that you may regret your past actions, that you may have to close the door on certain things even if you really want it. And I really like Mi Shaofei’s personality as well, seeing how he has a good read on his friends’ temperaments and personalities and knows how to diffuse tense situations (especially when Han Shangyan is being prickly and abrasive), how he values the collective above himself, like being happy that SP team scores improved greatly even when the improvement came about due to his retirement. I’m glad that he now has a new path which he can work towards his original dream of being a champion, albeit in a different way that he had initially envisioned.

The main thing niggling at me/making me feel conflicted as I watch the drama is actually Tong Nian’s character/Tong Nian and HSY’s relationship. I don’t really know how to explain what exactly bothers me so much about this, but here’s a shoddy attempt:

In comparison to how well fleshed out Han Shang Yan’s character arc is, Tong Nian’s arc sadly feels very underwhelming in comparison, and I wish similar character development was afforded to her character. 30 episodes in, I literally know nothing about her inner thoughts, motivations, character etc that is not Gun-related gushing. And this is all the more a pity given that her character’s setup was so cool - being so smart and intelligent, being so advanced in a STEM field, also having such a successful online career out of her singing hobby - all these hint at such an interesting female lead, but ultimately feels like an empty shell of a person. There really is no scene where she exists independently, separate from Gun or Gun-related thoughts pervading her mind - e.g. even when she is pitching some cool project idea showcasing her computing skills to the police department, she’s hung up on Gun after breaking up with him; when she’s invigilating a class she’s still thinking about him; she’s coding some new game for him; she’s doing some debugging... but that’s because she’s devastated after he behaved in a shit way towards her; she’s at some tryouts to be the singer for the ctf theme song! she’s showcasing her singing! but somehow... the show still managed to make it all about how she’s heartbroken over him; she uploaded a new song! ... but it’s about how she’s in love with him...

The show tells me she has a life outside of her crush on Gun, but it doesn’t show it as such. Though I also understand that this is due to the drama being centered on esports and hence involving HSY more, and Tong Nian is an outsider to the esports scene and thus her own activities would not be featured as much. It is possible that should they have chosen to feature more about Tong Nian, it might have affected the cohesiveness and pacing and how tight the plot is. But but but... she is the female lead, after all?? I literally know more about Mi Shaofei than about Tong Nian, and he is a supporting character! And precisely because the show did such a good job of fleshing out HSY, whose job and aspiration and passion and friendship-related angst etc lend a lot of fodder to shape his character and that is totally unrelated to his romance with Tong Nian, Tong Nian’s character development seems really lacking in gravitas in comparison.

This sense of imbalance spills over to my perception of them as a couple. I definitely am not opposed to or feel squicked out by huge age gaps in principle, as long as there isn’t some power imbalance and no teenagers are involved. But something about the combination of Tong Nian being all about Han Shangyan (at least that’s how the drama portrayed it, even if it was unintentional) while Tong Nian is only one part of Han Shangyan’s life + Tong Nian’s almost worshipful sentiments towards Han Shangyan + the show’s tendency to highlight how much sleep or time she sacrifices to do stuff for him, on top of the huge age gap made me slightly uncomfortable...?

I think I felt it especially during the plot arc of the second break up. The events of this arc were standard asian drama angst fare - interference from well meaning but biased parent leading to melodramatic wallowing in angst and mean behaviour attempting to drive the other party away... If purely viewing this arc from the lens of character exploration, I think the (rather ridiculous) events in that arc like HSY promising Tong Nian’s mother to not bother Tong Nian anymore and all his subsequent shitty behaviour towards Tong Nian shed some light on HSY’s inner self abasement and 自卑感 and was fascinating in that regard. But then seeing how Tong Nian who definitely puts him on a pedestal just internalised all of that horrible behaviour and accepted it and even kept on excusing his actions or asking him if she had done something wrong or if he was mad at her about the cat (though i also was mad that she just got a pet as a gift without asking beforehand lolol) or if he wanted her to do anything... that was SO painful to watch. (Until he implied that he cheated on her, thankfully she drew a line at that!!) I felt like it was bordering on cold violence to some extent? Not that any part of the second break up was Tong Nian’s fault, but just the way the show portrayed Gun’s way of pushing Tong Nian away and Tong Nian’s subsequent response made it harder to just dismiss the entire saga as just pure asian drama typical noble idiocy angst and left a really bad taste in my mouth. And above all what made me quite exasperated was how in the end, HSY didn’t even apologise to Tong Nian about it, and even attempted (and was successful) to get back into her good graces by listing all the reasons why he should be pitied and hence activating Tong Nian’s ‘Han Shangyan is so pitiful and I love him and want to give him everything’ mode, and being so smug about it??

(I feel like I come off as being rather inconsistent here lolol, earlier gushing about how much I love HSY’s character and now ranting about him. I think I just feel very confused about what to feel when watching the drama, and partially I think it’s because the entire romantic plot and all the events of the drama... require some suspension of belief and are not really very cohesive or well plotted, in the sense that it doesn’t seem to flow organically together with the characters’ emotions and responses? i.e. the character’s emotions/motivations/thoughts don’t correspond to their subsequent actions and the other characters’ subsequent responses to said action doesn’t seem proportional at times. So at certain plot points like how HSY got back together with Tong Nian so easily I’m not sure if I’m supposed to feel outraged or just take it in my stride?? I’m not sure if I’m making sense)

Oh, another thing that bothered me was this weird machoism (?? not sure how to explain it) that I sensed at some parts. An example off the top of my mind would be the entire sequence of HSY and Mi Shaofei going out together after Mi Shaofei announced his retirement, with Tong Nian and Yaya trailing at their heels. Once again, from a character development angle, I enjoyed the dialogues between MSF and HSY, between MSF and Yaya. But seeing MSF and HSY pass their coats to Yaya and Tong Nian then embarking on some bromantic tension-filled run together, while Yaya and Tong Nian are left hovering around waiting for them to return and holding their coats; or seeing MSF and HSY give each other Meaningful Looks and then downing a whole bowl of alcohol in some testosterone-fuelled display of Manly Sorrow and Solidarity as Tong Nian and Yaya watch from the sides, worried... Then having Tong Nian and Yaya each attempting to comfort their respective men... idk, i think coupled with the fact that the show is centred around esports, and most of the esports characters are male, and a larger proportion the main female characters we see are not directly involved and are more on the sidelines, it just gives off the sense of like, the men in this drama having their struggles, their aspirations, their sorrows be forefront and central in the plot, while the women are just there to fawn over them and support from the sidelines and tend to the guys’ emotional needs and baby them when they are being grown children. I’m definitely not explaining this well enough and I’m not sure if my impression is valid or I’m just being a hater or being subconsciously misogynistic and projecting or something lol. I’d love to hear what anyone thinks heh.

Thankfully, that part of the plot is over and now the romance part of the drama seems to be settled and the drama I’m assuming is gearing up towards winning the championships. This is promising haha because personally feel like the esports plotline is more captivating than the romance. I sense that now that Tong Nian/Gun are a properly established relationship and both are fully on board the dynamic might change a bit so I shall see how I feel about their relationship in the last quarter of the drama!

With regards to the cast, there was all round quite solid acting imo. I thought Li Xian seemed to be overdoing it with the frowning and grouchiness initially but I think it was alright after a few eps. His microexpressions and meaning-loaded gazes and quirked-lip-smiles are pretty affecting. I watched some interviews of him and he seems really different from Gun in real life so that’s quite impressive. Plus I love his slight slouchiness when portraying Gun in the more personal scenes where the facade of gruff boss!han shangyan disappears lolol. For all my problems with the way Tong Nian’s character was portrayed, Yang Zi does a great job in her role too. I think her crying scenes have always been on point and it was no different here. Special shoutout to the actors for Mi Shaofei, Solo and Xiao Ai, who portrayed their roles really well I think!

Lastly on a random note, I’m quite amused by how the soundtrack copiously borrows from the Suddenly This Summer soundtrack, but I’m not complaining because the OST is pretty evocative and whimsical and makes me hugely nostalgic for STS :)

[darcypalmer]

Rita comes to deliver some news, Darcy walks into a situation and @diegojaimechavez makes a revelation

Diego went right back into routine without any hesitation.  At least, it was the routine that he'd done when was new to Sunnymead, and he and Darcy were not...more closely acquainted.  Like clockwork, he came into the Grub, chose the booth that had the best view of the entire restaurant, and kept a quiet if intent eye on Darcy.   He didn't go out of his way to talk to her - not to snipe and argue, and not to be friendly and chatty either.  By now, he didn't even care what the townsfolk thought either of one more change in weather between Darcy Palmer and Diego Chavez.  By now, Diego liked to believe that the townsfolk were just getting bored of their endless ups and downs of drama.  That was fine by him.

So long as Julianna didn't pay too much attention, it should be fine.  But that was up to Darcy to deflect.  And since he couldn't (or perhaps wouldn't) communicate this to her, Diego hoped she'd be able to handle it without doing something extreme.

Because he knew how Darcy liked to reach her extremes.  He couldn't blame her for it, even if he was still angry and upset by it.  She'd forced her life into this constant endless hum of the same thing, the same day repeated over and over in Sunnymead.  She was a pressure cooker, waiting for the slightest provocation to explode her lid - and make a mess all over him.  At least he believed he understood that now.

And at least he didn't have to speak to her to discuss protocol or what he was doing, or why he did it.  After all this time, despite their huge fight and split from each other, at least Darcy wasn't trying to be spiteful.  Maybe she was hurt as well - no, there was no doubt she was hurting as well.  But Diego couldn't bring himself to do anything about it.  He was too wrapped up in his own shame and guilt and sense of self-defeat.

But at least this evening, he could come into the diner with some news that he was sure would help Darcy somewhat.  And because he still cared for her, Diego was glad to bring the news, almost eager to tell her.  When he got to the diner, he made eye contact immediately with Darcy - no emotions, all business.  A matter-of-fact look that silently communicated to her that he had news.  It had been almost a week since they'd fought, and in that time Diego figured she must have been going crazy waiting.  Without anyone to talk to and nothing she could do for her brother but wait for someone else to solve her problem for her.

It was his fault as well, for giving her enough leeway to think she could just come and go whenever she pleased, do whatever she wanted.  He'd grown lax, overly-indulgent.  And she would willingly sacrifice her own safety for the sake of her brother.  So to do nothing and wait for a few days, Diego figured, must have been hell for her...and although he sympathized, he also felt a petty bit of satisfaction as well.  Good - she should wait.  After the stunt she pulled, she needed to learn.

But despite his pettiness, even he knew what was important: her brother's safety.  And so after he looked at her pointedly, he sat down at his booth, expecting that Darcy would be serving him this evening.  He'd tell her a bit now - the good bit, to take the weight off her shoulders about her brother - and then he figured he'd give her all the details tonight, after the Grub was closed.

_______________________

Everything went back to the way things were before anything actually happened between Diego and Darcy, before they even became friendly with each other, and ever since Diego walked out of her apartment, things have been aggressively and forcefully normal. It didn't feel normal at all, but at least to the town it must have looked normal, or at least Darcy hoped it did cause she worked damn hard to paint that picture.

And it was hard. Over the years she's gotten used to a certain level of lying and adapting to the life of Sunnymead, but while there was a general guilt that's been present in her life since the beginning, lying and pretending that everything was okay very quickly became something she did with an ease, without most of it really even registering for her.

This, though, pretending nothing had happened, pretending that everything was okay and that things were like they before with Diego, was harder than she ever expected it would be. In the first few days she just wanted to yell at him and tell him to go away because seeing him was hard as it is, while also wanting to attack him with questions about the progress he's made about Benji and the Tyler Ellis problem, about what he plans to do specifically, about how he is in general. She sent Flo to wait on Diego instead.

Over the days the anger subsided, the feeling of both wanting him to do something that would kick them out of this state, while also wanting to do it herself remained, but she continuously decided against it. He made it clear what he wanted, she wasn't going to be the stupid woman who couldn't get the message, even if it hurt. This was probably for the best. And urge to ask him about his progress remained, though, and it was getting harder and harder to not ask all the different questions that kept popping up in her head at the most random times. She was determined not to break, though. He wanted to do things on his own, he specifically didn't want to involve her, so she wasn't going to get involved.

Even if it was excruciatingly hard.

She kept to herself, though, mostly arranged things so that it wasn't her who served on his table and when she couldn't pull that off, she kept things painfully polite and kind, her smile never actually reaching her eyes whenever she had to talk to him.

It's been a week when DIego finally came into the Grub with a pointed look on his face before he took a seat at his usual table, and Darcy wanted to rush over to the table to ask what kind of news he had for her - cause he had to have some news, he just had to.

Instead, she forced herself to collect all the dirty dishes that were out on the tables, and after taking a set of plates out, she finally headed over to Diego's table with the same, general expression she had on her face the entire week. "Hey, can I get you anything?"

_______________________

"The usual is fine," Diego replied, looking up at her with an unbreakable stare.  "It's a good day today, isn't it Darcy?  I believe everyone is doing well today.  I have a feeling things have worked out well, especially for people who deserve it."  He handed her the menu, and then added,  "Actually, change of plans - give me the bacon and waffles with two sunnyside eggs instead of the usual.  And keep the coffee coming."

It was the most that Diego had spoken with Darcy in what seemed like forever - and the truth was, Diego was almost brimming with joy at the fact that he could talk to Darcy again, because all that mattered was Benjamin's safety.  And the only way he could speak to her was if it was about Benjamin.  And now the time had finally come when he had the immense pleasure of speaking to her, because Benjamin was alright.

But once he finished speaking, he looked down immediately, feeling suddenly apprehensive.  What if she didn't understand what he was trying to say?  Or what if it only served to distress her even more, put her completely on edge and close to some sort of mental breakdown?  What if he was only making things worse, when he thought he was trying to make things better?  What if she only resented him for presenting this news in such a cloak-and-dagger fashion.

Then he reminded himself: wasn't he supposed to be angry at her?  Why then, did he suddenly feel like he was the one who'd done something wrong?

Indecision flooded him,  and Diego licked his lips and furtively glanced up at Darcy again. When he spoke, he was so quiet it was almost like a whisper.  "Later, I'll tell you everything," he said, hoping it might help, but suddenly convinced that it could only make things worse.

_______________________

Darcy never really believed that people could just snap pens and pencils in half, but the moment Diego started talking about how everyone was doing well, her grip tightened on the pencil in her hand, her head down, her eyes never leaving the notebook in her other hand even though she wasn't writing anything anymore. She wanted to ask back, she wanted to clarify, she wanted details, but he didn't seem to want to offer them, and fuck it, no matter how hard it was, she wasn't going to press.

Well, at least she wasn't going to press in the middle of the Grub with too many ears around them. She didn't have unrealistic notions, she wouldn't be able to not ask about the details, but for now she was trying to hold back and be glad to hear that Benji was safe. Diego really pulled through - not that she ever doubted that he would. She doubted he would tell her, she wondered over the week if he already solved everything and he just refused to tell her in this new normal of theirs, but him figuring it out and making sure her brother was safe was never really a question in her mind.

She bit the inside of her lip and nodded, still not looking up. "Waffles, bacon and two sunnyside eggs, got it. I'll bring it over in a bit," she echoed and she was ready to leave when he muttered something. Darcy almost completely missed it, almost asked back what he was saying when it clicked into her brain what he was offering. She wasn't sure if it was some sort of olive branch or if it was just Diego knowing full well that she would need more details, that a simple "everything's good" wouldn't be enough for her. It was most likely the second one.

For a moment she was ready to offer him to come over after the Grub was closed and then decided against it. "I can drop by. After the Grub is closed," she muttered barely above a whisper. Going to his place for this felt like it would give her some kind of control. At least worst comes to worst, if it got too much, she could just leave.

"I'll be right back with your food and coffee," she reassured him and then left, handing in the order to the kitchen and continuing to work, trying not to focus on Diego, what he promised and how the night would go. She kept to her polite self, only talked to him the bare minimum and when Diego left, it felt like a relief, only to have her heart beating even faster when the Grub was finally cleaned and locked and all of her employees out of the door, heading home. She spent a couple of minutes doing small, pointless chores just to stall, and then finally got herself to head over to Diego's apartment after she made sure nobody saw her move across the street and into the building.

When she reached his door, she almost went in like she used to. It would have been so easy to fall back into the routine of opening the door and calling out for him, but this wasn't their normal now. She couldn't just barge in. So instead she knocked, wondering just when was the last time she did that. It had to be months and months ago.

_______________________

She wanted to come over to his apartment.   That threw Diego off momentarily, if only because the majority of their time...together was spent at his apartment.  Without rousing any suspicion, they could be as loud as they wanted at his place, without fear of curious people hearing them.   Darcy hadn't been over in so long (it wasn't that long, it had only been a couple weeks but to Diego it felt like months).  Maybe this was how they could start to make things better.

He had to remind himself that any sort of reconciliation was dependent on Darcy as well.  If she was angry at him, she may never truly forgive him for taking what small amount of control she had out of her hands. That control she believed she'd had, to keep her brother safe.  That control that he'd boxed her out of, rather than including her.

In a strange way, it had been necessary, though.  If he and Darcy were working on muffling Tyler and seeing to Benji's safety, Diego would've never even thought to call Rita.  He would've tried to go through different channels, proper ones that wouldn't lead him into his ex-fling's bed.  And who knew what those different channels would have brought.   No - he had to stick to his guns.  Trying to involve Darcy in the situation with her brother would've only hampered the effort.  Darcy couldn't have gotten the better of Tyler, she had to remain in Sunnymead, and she was forbidden to know where her brother lived.  There was nothing she could have done, even if they'd worked together on this.

But trying to make Darcy see that, at this point, was fruitless.  All that mattered was results and Diego was glad that he at least had that. 

So he agreed with a quick nod. He ate his breakfast-for-dinner fast, and then left, quickly taking a shower and making sure he had all of Rita's results assembled to show Darcy.  But first, Rita called.

"Where are you?" she asked.

"Home - I mean, I'm in Sunnymead, why?"

"I got an update on Tyler.  Ah - found your phone.  I'm five minutes away."  Click

Diego didn't even have time to protest and when he tried to call back, Rita didn't pick up.  He texted instead: 'wtf do not come to Sunnymead, I can meet u in Evanstead' and he growled, caught in a moment of indecision.  He checked the time, and looked out the window.  Darcy would be closing soon.  And if he tried to postpone their meeting with some flimsy excuse (because telling her about Rita, he suddenly realized, felt like a bad idea), it would simply be cruel to the poor woman.  "Dammit Rita," he said, grabbing his jacket.  He rushed down the stairs but just as he opened the building door, Rita's car pulled in.

She was smiling as she got out.  "Damn, Di.  Front door service and everything?" she asked, as Diego cussed even more, grabbing her arm and pulling her back inside, up to the privacy of his apartment.

"This is a fucking small goddamn town, Rita. What the fuck do you think you're doing?!  If anyone sees you then I have to deal with fucking questions from my nosy neighbours for weeks.  This fucking place is --"

"Shh, shh, calm down.  Just tell them I'm your ex from way back or something!  It's kind of the truth," she said, hardly glancing around his apartment.  Instead, she focused on Diego, pressing up against him in what was their usual routine whenever they first see each other.  "Since we're here..."  She kissed him, rough like she knew he liked it, rumpling his hair and undoing his neatly buttoned up shirt.  Diego felt like he couldn't help kissing back although he really could.  He wasn't drunk, and they weren't doing it.  Not when--

There was Darcy's knock.

Rita made an exclamatory noise and looked behind her.  "Shit - are you expecting someone?  Pizza guy?"

"For fuck's sake..."  Diego said, and he had to open the door then for Darcy.  When Rita saw Darcy, her eyes widened and she reached up to wipe the lipstick from Diego's face.

"Erm. Hello there," she said, trying to make it professional, despite the obvious disarray.

_______________________

Rumpled hair, unbuttoned shirt, lipstick stain on his cheek. Not how Darcy thought Diego would greet her when he opened the door. And definitely didn't think it would be with another woman right next to him, after she's clearly interrupted something. For fuck's sake, if she would have just walked in, she would have caught them in the middle of...

Fuck. She didn't want to think about that. Nope, none of that.

For one, two, three moments she just stood there, staring at the woman and Diego like she's seen a ghost, and even though it would have been petty and childish, she considered pretending to be Diego's long time girlfriend who's come home, a hookup that came to tell him she probably gave him syphilis, anything that would ruin their night. If her night was ruined - and hers was absolutely and definitively ruined the moment the door opened in front of her -, why shouldn't Diego's night get ruined as well?

But she quickly changed her mind about that cause really, who was she to have any right to do any of it? It hurt, the moment she realized what she was seeing, it felt like a sharp knife was slowly and painfully shoved into her heart, but it was all her fault. Diego and her were never serious, they never even talked about monogamy, so for all she knew, he could have been out with others and fucking other women when the two of them weren't together (granted, they spent so much time together, she doubted it would have been physically possible for him), and she knew it was just temporary from the beginning. Just because she managed to develop attachments (way too many of them, as she recently had to painfully face), didn't mean he couldn't live his best life and enjoy himself.

Granted, she wasn't sure why he agreed for her to come over if he had plans, but... wait, did he really agree? Or did she just imagine that nod cause she wanted him to agree and then didn't even give him a chance to talk to her about it? No, he would have let her know if it was a bad time. Or maybe he wanted to make sure she knew he was having the time of his life without her too...

Fuck, she needed to get out of her head. She was standing in front of this random woman and Diego, she couldn't go down into one of her spirals. She would have all the time in the world once she got back to the apartment.

"Hi. I--- Fuck, I'm so sorry," she finally said, shaking herself out of her own thoughts, her voice sweet with a hint of awkwardness, as if this wasn't anything but a random neighbor showing up at the worst possible time. "I didn't mean to interrupt... anything, I truly apologize. I just wanted to talk about that-- that order I put in at the grocery store," she said glancing at Diego for a moment, feeling like the biggest idiot cause it had to have sounded as fake for the woman as it sounded for her, but whatever, she already said it, she was going with it. "But I guess it can wait until tomorrow, I-- again, I apologize, I'm going to leave you to your evening. Good-- Enjoy. Sorry."

"No, hey, don't leave," the woman quickly stepped outside, placing a hand on Darcy's arm to stop her from turning around and basically running away from this situation. She didn't think it was possible, but she much rather would have just gone back to her apartment then have Diego take a couple of minutes out of his apparently extremely busy night to update her quietly about her brother. She could get the information later. Hell, he could text it to her, for all she cared, anything but being there in that moment.

So she didn't appreciate the woman stepping in and trying to stop her - fuck, she was gorgeous too, of course she was, and she couldn't help but note how the woman looked so well put together, so amazing, while she was in the clothes she worked all day. At least the apron wasn't on her anymore, but still -, nor did the action make sense to Darcy, but she didn't have too much of a choice.

"I assume Diego called you over to hear what I have to say, too. It might be something you want to hear as well. Come," she said and she ushered Darcy into the apartment while Darcy sent an even more confused look towards Diego, mouthing a "What the fuck?!" towards his way.

_______________________

A numbness spread over Diego's system as he registered all the subtly shifting expressions on Darcy's face.  He felt like he could read her well - not because she was so easy to read, he doubted Rita could tell what was happening.  It was because he knew Darcy.  He'd studied her as a person and a case file sure, but there was no doubt now that along the way things got deeper and far more intense in the way he observed her.   The numbness spread right to his extremities like he felt pins and needles in his fingers and toes as he watched Rita coax Darcy into the apartment.  Rita's voice sounded distant and far away like an echo.  All Diego could do was stare at Darcy, like he wanted to drown in her right this very moment.

And it finally hit him, suddenly and unexpectedly, at absolutely the worst time possible.  He was in love with this woman.

"Fuck," he sputtered, under his breath.  Speaking out loud at least brought him back to the situation, and when Darcy gave him a shared look only for him, mouthing her confusion, he felt a weird relief.  Even with all this happening, Darcy still wanted to share moments with him, and only him.  It was so sad to be so happy about such a minor thing, but Diego grabbed onto it.

He returned an imploring, incredibly soft look at Darcy - only for her - before he finally spoke up.  "Don't worry Darce.  This is Rita Grazzi.  Ex-FBI, now a consultant for them."

"And the CIA, and with most policing authorities in the South,"  Rita said, wiping at the corner of her lipsticked mouth with her thumb before she flashed a smile at Darcy as if nothing had happened right before Darcy showed up.  "But I'm not one to brag."

Diego grunted.   "She's an old friend, I've worked with her many times over in Texas.  I trust her."

"And I'm sure you know, honey, he doesn't trust anyone,"  Rita added, still trying to lighten the mood.

But Diego shot her a glare, because this wasn't how he wanted it to go. Childishly perhaps, he was desperate for Darcy to understand that this situation wasn't him and his old work friend teamed up while Darcy was the odd man out.  He wanted it to be him and Darcy together and united again, and Rita was merely passing through their orbit.  But Rita was going out of her way to establish that they were chums. Diego knew it was necessary to allow Darcy to see she wasn't potentially dangerous, but at the same time he didn't want Darcy to think they were too chummy.

Rita picked up, taking a step forward towards Darcy.  "Diego, fix the woman a drink, will you?  It looks like she needs it," she said, then went and sat down on one of Diego's chairs at the little eating table.  Diego obeyed reluctantly, as Rita continued.  "I'm the one who located your brother, Darcy.  That photo that Ellis gave you - "  she pointed at the table, where Diego had assembled the things to show Darcy.  " - is about as much proof that Ellis knows where Benjamin is, as a Nebraska farmer's photo of lights in the sky proves aliens are real.  What I'm saying is--"  she took the drink that Diego gave her, but her gaze never left Darcy's,  "- your brother is safe.  I found the original photo that Ellis' version was taken from - it's in his FBI file.  Now someone on your case did sell that blurry photo to Ellis, but they weren't stupid enough to blow the whole thing just for a few bucks.  But rest assured, honey, it's now being investigated by Internal Affairs.  If there's one thing the FBI doesn't like, it's sabotage from within."

Rita looked at Diego and kept talking.  "Still, I do recommend moving Benjamin once more. I know he's been moved already but it shouldn't be too hard.  He's young and he can blend in most places.  What I came over to, um, talk to you about, Diego," Rita actually looked a little sheepish then, looking between Darcy and Diego as she stood up.  "Is about Tyler Ellis.  He's been a thorn in the US Marshals' collected foot for way too long. And this could be the last straw with his connections with the FBI too.  If he's implicated in trying to mess with this case - with a witness in protection - then he can be blackballed.  I can make it happen, I just wanted to know if you'd agree to it."

Diego looked at Rita for a long time, as he contemplated her words.  The Benji information he already knew about.  The chance to take Tyler down once and for all without needing to be at the forefront of the effort - well, it was highly tempting.  But instead of giving Rita an answer, Diego gave Darcy her drink, and sipped his own.  He looked at Darcy, and only Darcy.

"What do you think, Darce?"

_______________________

Several things became extremely clear to Darcy in barely 30 seconds. Rita was extremely comfortable around Diego, enough to boss him around and feel comfortable in his apartment. Rita probably worked with Diego in the past and they worked together well, even trusted each other - as both Diego and Rita so kindly pointed it out. Hell, it felt like Rita was showing off about just how much Diego trusted her. The woman loved calling people honey and it immediately drove Darcy up the wall.And even before Rita jumped into the serious things, Darcy already felt like this was too much.

In any other situation she probably would have been fascinated by Rita and would have wanted to talk to her, get to know her better. Now all she could think about how everything that came out of her mouth was further proof that Diego has moved on and that thought would never be like they were before.

At least the woman had good news, which left her feeling relieved at somewhat better  about herself, but even the good news of Benji being safe somehow couldn't neutralize the pain in her chest.

Diego offered her a glass and she numbly accepted it without a glance at him, but she didn't drink anything, she was just trying to process everything she heard, everything that was happening in that moment. It was too much, too damn fucking much.

"I think you should stop calling me that," she couldn't help the quiet, sharp words that came out of her mouth at Diego's question. It was petty and childish to be focusing on him calling her Darce instead of answering his actual question, but the way he said her name... She used to love it when he called her Darce. It always came out so gentle, and in her mind it represented how they slowly got closer together. He only ever called her Darce when they were on good terms, when things were okay between them - before it turned into Gen -, and now it just felt like he was trying to put out the fire with the name.

She closed her eyes for a moment, rubbing her forehead for a moment before she turned to Rita, cluthing the glass that Diego gave her in her other hand. She would definitely need alcohol tonight, but for now she wanted her mind to be clear. At least for the length of this conversation. She couldn't look at Diego right now, though, not when he was trying to soften the blow of Rita somehow. "You can really get rid of him for good?" she asked the woman. "Make sure he stays out of ou-- Diego's life?"

Rita nodded. "Yes. He's already on thin ice, this will be the cherry on top."

"Then do it. He's never gonna-- he fucked up all on his own and still managed to find a way to blame it all on Diego. If he didn't stop after that, he's never gonna stop with his shit, and Diego doesn't deserve to have to worry about Tyler showing up at any moment." She said all of it without a single glance at Diego. It was strange, she wanted to hurt him, wanted to somehow get back at him, but at the same time, she didn't want anything bad happening to him. Well, maybe she just wanted him to be just as big of a mess as she felt in that moment, but that doesn't seem to be possible in that moment. Or ever, apparently.

Rita nodded again. "Happily."

"You said you located Benji. Can I--" she took a deep breath, trying to figure out how to word what she wanted to ask. How to not seem like she was just trying to get information she wasn't supposed to have out of the woman. "I know you can't tell me anything and I'm not trying to ask for a location or anything like that. I know better now. I just-- did you see him? Did he seem okay, at least?" There might have been a little pleading in her voice at the last words, but she really hoped Rita didn't notice.

The woman looked at her for a moment, her expression softening before she said, "Yes, Darcy, your brother seemed okay." She couldn't tell if Rita was telling the truth or just knew that this is the moment when she needed to lie to calm her nerves, but whichever it was, Darcy decided to believe it was the truth. Her brother was fine, he was okay, and he would be okay. She needed to believe that.

"Thank you. For the help. It's nice of you to help a-- a friend out, like this."

Okay, maybe RIta wasn't that bad. It wasn't her fault that Darcy was stupid and developped more attachments than she should have to Diego. She was just doing her thing, which included sleeping with Diego. Probably repeatedly. Fuck. And it wasn't even Diego's fault, either, but it was easier to snap at him, to avoid his eyes on her, to shut herself up from him than anything else. It was easier to be angry at him. At least like that she could manage the pain somewhat.

She hardened herself before she turned to look at Diego, not showing any kind of emotion on her face. "Is there anything else I need to know? I don't want to hold you guys up longer than absolutely necessary." Fuck, she needed to get out of here and fast.

_______________________

Diego's nostrils flared as he inhaled sharply, when Darcy quietly snapped at him.  It made his heart suddenly pound so hard he was glad no one could hear it.  He flushed darkly and looked away, throwing back his drink and going back to pour himself another.  He stayed quiet, barely looking at the two women as they discussed the situation with Benji.  If Rita had noticed any of that little exchange between Diego and Darcy, he was grateful that she didn't acknowledge it at all.  She handled Darcy with her usual professionalism, which Diego was grateful for.  He was more than content to let Rita handle the Ellis situation - if Rita wasn't absolutely confident in her ability to do it, she would have never offered.  Diego trusted her.

But he was a little surprised when Darcy stuttered, almost saying 'our life' before she corrected herself.  Or was Diego just hearing something he wanted (but also didn't want) to hear? Accidentally, he caught Rita's eye just as she glanced at him, and suddenly he understood what she'd been talking about back at the hotel in Evanstead.  She knew - she knew before Diego did.  Rita knew he was in love with Darcy Palmer, with Genevieve Soto.  Goddammit, these women and their intuition.

"She's telling the truth,"  Diego finally piped up, when Rita said that Benji was okay.  "Rita doesn't pad the truth for anyone, do you Rita?  If there was anything wrong with Benji's situation, she would say so.  Wouldn't you Rita?  You're never one to mince words."  IF Diego sounded grouchy and bitter right now, it was simply because there was so fucking much going on in his mind right now; but most of all, he was just bracing himself for more anger from Darcy, directed at him.  In a desultory way, he did up the loose button on his shirt then.

"Of course," Rita said, staring at him like he was an idiot.  And really, she did consider Diego a poor lovelorn fool, doomed to fail.  To break his own heart, and possibly Darcy Palmer's as well.

When it sounded like Darcy was trying to wrap things up,  Diego's heart started to pound again, a sense of urgency and alarm filling him.  But Rita was quicker than him, and she cut him off before he blurted anything stupid.

"That's all I came to say," Rita said, making a motion of dusting her hands. "Now that I've gotten the green light from - from the both of you," she gave Darcy a careful smile.  "I'm going to knock Tyler down a couple pegs. ��Believe me, it'll be my pleasure.  Di's not the only person he's fucked over."  Rita picked up her purse where she'd dropped it on the floor, trying to be as unobtrusive about it as possible.

"Since I know that bastard gave you a deadline to get back to him, I'd better head off now,"  Rita said, heading towards the door.  Her high heels clicked on the hardwood floor.  She flashed them both a smile.  "I got some work to do, huh?  I'll keep you updated when it's done, Diego - although likely you'll just hear it from Al.  And Darcy - it was, um, nice meeting you.  I hope things get better for you soon.  The both of you...take care.  I'll see myself out."

Diego knew maybe he should've at least walked Rita back down to her car, had some final words with her about Tyler Ellis.  But this was why they were so much better when they worked remotely, talked strictly over text or phone.  So he just gave Rita a curt nod and muttered something about calling her later.

And when she was gone, Diego was faced with Darcy, alone in his apartment.  He motioned to the glass in her hand.  "Drink."  Please  "You need it, Darcy."

_______________________

Diego's piping in about how Rita wouldn't lie about something like Benji being okay felt... well, it was both infuriating and relieving at the same time. On one hand it felt like Diego was trying to further make it obvious that the two of them knew each other, they had such good trust between them and they just knew each other, yada yada yada. On the other hand, however, it was as if Diego just knew Darcy would need a little bit of reassurance cause her mind would wonder if it was a lie or not. And even though it was the last thing she needed, even though she basically walked in on Diego ready to sleep with somebody already, clearly moved on and not even sparing a moment to think about her, her heart still beat a little faster to the possibility of him wanting to make sure she didn't spend the next five hours wondering if it was a white lie or the truth.

Even though she was pretty sure most of her thoughts would be centered around Diego and Rita for the night.

Rita saying goodbye and leaving felt strange - weren't they in the middle of something? -, but Darcy figured she was just giving the two of them time to discussing the official stuff if there was any, and the woman would come back once she wasn't around to finish what the two of them started. Her throat clenched at the thought of that, but she pushed it away and forced herself to give Rita a genuine smile and thank her again for her help before she left.

And then Diego and Darcy was all alone in his apartment and the silence hasn't felt this loud in a really long time.

Darcy looked down at the alcohol in her hands and shook her head. She went over to the table Rita dropped Benji's picture onto, and while she sat down the glass, she quietly snapped at him, "Don't tell me what to do, Diego. Especially not when you have no idea what I do and do not need." Technically, he was right, she did need a drink. Or maybe five. And a couple of cigarettes, for sure. But not here, not from him.

Now she just wanted to get out as fast as possible. And hide as much of the emotional turmoil that was inside of her that she could. She didn't want Diego seeing just how much this night was already on her, even though she was sure if anyone, it was him who could see it on her.

Still, instead of simply walking out, she couldn't help but pick up the picture of Benji and just looked at it for a few moments, trying to take it in. She knew once she walked out of here, it would be gone, she couldn't see it anymore, and she tried to memorize it as best she could. She wondered if this would get destroyed, or if Diego would put it with the other two pictures that he already had of hers somewhere in this apartment. Weirdly the urge to try to find it rose up inside of her, something she hasn't contemplated in all the time she could have had the chance. The amount of time she spent in this apartment...

But no, she wasn't going to think about that.

"Thank you. For handling all of this. Making sure that asshole can't get to him," she said without a glance at him. It would have just hurt too much, to look at him and see the pity, the sorry in his eyes. The look that would have showed that this was all just a job for him. That was the last thing she wanted or needed.

She took a deep breath and after one last look at her brother, she dropped the picture back down onto the table and running her fingers through her hair she moved towards the door. "I'm going to get out of your hair now. If you're fast, you can still catch her. I'm sure whatever she is planning to do will wait until the morning. Or a few more hours at least."

_______________________

Diego did fall silent when Darcy chastised him, but he nevertheless finished his own drink, pouring a third one as she went over to her brother, to study the blurry photo.  He couldn't show her the original that it came from, because he didn't possess it.  Rita didn't either, it would be too much of a liability for either of them to have a hard copy on their person.  But he knew that Darcy was just looking at it because it was an actual, real glimpse of her brother.  A brother she would and could never actually see again.

Humbled once again by the enormity of burden that Genevieve had to live with, every day of her life for the rest of her life, Diego looked down at his drink.  He wished badly he could hold her now, but he refrained.  Everything had gone sideways in the space of a few moments (or perhaps the very moment that Darcy jumped in Big Frank's car and took off to LA without so much as a word to Diego.  Or perhaps the day Tyler Ellis showed up in Sunnymead.  Or perhaps that day many years ago when Diego shamelessly snitched on Ellis's corrupted ways.  Or perhaps --)  and it was so difficult for him to know where to go from here.

Should he apologize?  For what?  Would Darcy even accept it, or would she mock him for it?  Her brother was safe - Diego had done what he'd promised he'd do, but he hadn't had a chance to think about what came afterwards.  He was glad Rita was able to do everything so efficiently - she always did things efficiently from her worklife to her sex life.  But now that the pressing issue of keeping Benjamin safe and getting Ellis out of his - their - life was accomplished...what now?

Do they go back to the way things were?  And if they did, what 'way' would they choose to go back to?

Darcy was angry at him, and he wasn't even really sure why, other than her own sense of stress and distress.  All that grief and terror inside her and she had no where to let it out, so she hurled it towards him.  Realizing he was in love with her - Darcy, Genevieve, this woman before him - it made no actual difference.  He loved her.  It didn't matter.  She couldn't love him back, even if she wanted to, because she wasn't and wouldn't ever be a complete person again.

And besides, falling in love with the job herself, meant this love was doomed from the moment Diego felt it.

Hopelessness surged through him, but another shot of whiskey helped press that sadness down, as Diego sternly told himself to suck it up and be a man.  There was no point in wallowing in pointless sadness.  He still had a job to do, and that job was important.  More important than anything else in his life.  Darcy Palmer - she was all that had mattered to him for the past ten months, and that wasn't going to change.

He was so lost in his thoughts about Darcy, that when she spoke again, Diego looked confused and blinked at her.  "What?  Who?" he asked, then suddenly remembered Rita.  She'd only left minutes ago, but do Diego, who'd fallen so deeply into his own internal thoughts, it felt like it had been hours.  He shook his head.  "Rita's done what I asked her to do."  The only thing left to do was pay her; he knew that even despite their professional friendship, she'd still be sending him that invoice.  No discounts between friends, not for something like this.

"You're leaving?" he asked, wishing the question didn't sound so desperate.  Diego cleared his throat and turned away to look out the window, slowly sipping his drink, nodding belatedly at her thanks.   "Yes.  I'll be glad to never see or hear from Ellis again.  Well, anyway. Erm.  See you tomorrow at breakfast, then."

_______________________

It felt a bit insulting, the way Diego pretended Rita was done and nothing else was going to happen between the two of them, but despite the initial surge to call him out on it and probably pick an argument about it, Darcy decided to not say a thing. There was no point to it and really, she had no right either. It was his life, his choices, and even if they were choices that she didn't like or feel good about, she wasn't in any kind of position to voice them. She wasn't going to be the clingy person, she wasn't going to be the one who can't handle the end of a completely casual thing.

And really, she was terrified of Diego realizing just how deep she's gotten herself into.

So she kept quiet and nodded in acknowledgment.

And then he asked if she was leaving and for a moment she thought she heard something in his voice. Something that suggested he might have not wanted her to go just yet. But by the time she looked at him, however, he was looking away, casually drinking, talking about never seeing Tyler Ellis again and saying goodnight and her heart clenched again.

It was so stupid, but for a moment her hopes jumped back up and she thought she might have... well, se might have read things wrong. Like it was one big misunderstanding and they could talk things through. But that wasn't the reality. And anyway, it was probably for the best. This way she would have time to distance herself from him properly so when he left for good, it wouldn't hurt so hard.

And then she could make sure not to make the same mistake of letting somebody this close into her heart again.

"Yeah, see you tomorrow," she said quietly. She stood there for one more moment, just watching him, and then she walked out of the apartment and headed back to her place.