#i feel like a watermelon except just the rind

[smoosnoom]

ive been writing this fic for the past week and a half and it's just past 5k 😭 what is happening to me .

[thepixelelf]

henlo my beloved ursa!! i hope ur doing well 💕 if you still wanna do the first kiss prompt: baby blue and jangjun golcha? he is. admittedly in my thoughts too often nowadays 😳 (get him out of there)

[the antithesis of tranquility] Lee Jangjun is talking.

Lee Jangjun is always talking.

And it's no surprise to you, of course, not after all these years in which you've known him as the guy who never stops talking.

It's weird, though. Seungmin -- after Jangjun introduced you to his friends and then fucked off to do something stupid with Joochan while the rest of you watched -- helpfully informed you that, yes, Jangjun talks a lot...

...but only when you're around.

Sure, he's the life of the party in any social situation -- you can't remember the last time you had to put yourself out there without Jangjun by your side loudly proclaiming every good thing about you to anyone who'd bother to listen. (You hate when he does that, but you also take pride in his sincere compliments. He'd never say them straight to your face, so you've never told him to shut up, even though, in the moment, you often feel like burning yourself at the stake.) Any sort of situation in which he's around people he doesn't know, he'll know them soon enough. You're pretty sure everyone you've met since forcefully osmosis-ing yourself into their friend group has gone, "Oh, Lee Jangjun? I know that guy."

Except the thing is: Seungmin says Jangjun is actually a rather quiet dude.

You think it's bonkers, really, to want to live with nine other guys in the same house. Jangjun says the rent is killer (positive) when they all split it up, but you seriously can't believe the idea of two and a half bathrooms working between all of them. Not to mention the Watermelon Rind Incident of August 2022, in which only you sided with your newly proclaimed favourite of the house, Donghyun.

(Jangjun whined for three whole hours until you told him that, fine, he's tied for first place.)

Anyhow, despite living with a bunch of guys who are shockingly (and yet you're surprisingly unsurprised) capable of keeping up with Jangjun in terms of the volume you've borne witness to, Seungmin assures you that Jangjun tends to zip those lips of his whenever he's alone.

Seungmin actually said whenever he's not around you, but you don't think that makes much sense.

"You make him nervous," Seungmin teased one day, while you watched Jangjun laugh at Jaehyun, who was chasing Jibeom down the street for unknown reasons.

"Nervous about what?" you asked, but Seungmin just shrugged and smiled. He's annoying that way.

But now, while Jangjun rambles on and on in the space just outside of your front door, you think you get it.

He came running to your place on one of the grossest days of the year (it rained but it's also unbearably hot, which is so messed up, by the way) to make sure he caught you before you left for your blind date. He hasn't said a word (aside from hundreds of dumb, unrelated ones) about why he'd try to catch you before leaving, but that's not the problem.

You're not going on a date. You're headed out to watch your favourite guilty-pleasure feel-good movie at the old Selenite theatre, the one with only two showings rooms and unaffordable popcorn. Sure, you might call it a treat-yo-self date, but whatever this blind date shit he's spewing at you is so wrong you don't even know what to say as your brain shifts the puzzle into completion like an all-green rubiks cube.

Jangjun ran to your place through the hell-combination of rainstorm and heatwave because some shit-stirrer in his house (you suspect someone born in 1999...) told him you were bringing a date to your one-person party.

In other words;

Jangjun likes you.

"--and, I'm just saying, what about Saturday crossword competition day! We haven't done that in forever and you promised we could do it this weekend, I, uh-- I'm pretty sure!" He's grasping at straws, straight up gaslighting you into thinking you made plans for today when you know you were planning on kicking his ass at crosswords tomorrow, when the big bad Sunday edition comes out. "I haven't done the past week of crosswords just so we could do them together." You're pretty sure he doesn't do crosswords unless you're there, anyway. "And-- and Sungyoon made his famous cookies last night! You want them to just go to waste? All his hard work? You'd break his little ol' fragile ol' heart, shatter it into a million pieces. You want to ditch Sungyoon's cookies -- ditch our crossword coliseum? Oh! Oh! Jail for you! Jail for you for one thousand--!"

So you do the only thing you can think of to shut him up. You plant your lips on his, and smile at the sweet sweet sensation of utter silence.

(You suppose his lips pressing eagerly back onto yours is nice too. And his hands on your cheeks. And the fact that he's stupid crazy in love with you.)

((Later, when you drag Jangjun to the theatre you assure him you were planning on going to alone, you accidentally glance at his phone, where he's sent twenty or so frantic messages to Sungyoon. He needs him to make some cookies ASAP.))

[bcbdrums]

Melon Misfortunes

A/N: A little foray back into the world of watermelon... Thanks to @split-n-splice for some clever lines and the great title.

Happy birthday, @jennaanneg!

Read on:  FFn     AO3

---------------------------

Drakken rubbed the back of his neck and straightened up in front of the watermelon crate at the grocer's. He had been bending over the sea of green, bulbous fruit for at least ten minutes, trying to find the very best ones. After the long day, he was finally feeling the exhaustion and pain in his spine.

Drakken glanced to his right to be sure the empty cart was still there, and then turned back to the melons.

"Hello, Drew."

"Gah!"

Drakken recoiled, banging his forearm on the metal cart at the sound of his former college friend's voice and nearly losing his balance as his recovery from that had him bumping into the crate.

"Just as light on your feet as you were in college, I see."

Drakken straightened up and adjusted his shirt, taking in the single quirked eyebrow of James Possible with loathing.

"Just as rude as you always were, I see," Drakken retorted as he gave the man a once-over with wariness and frustration.

Possible was exactly the same as he remembered him from college, except for some wrinkles, gray hair, and extra padding around the waist, all such as comes naturally with age. Drakken bit the inside of his cheek knowing he had aged at least the same, if not worse for his other problems and stresses on his life.

The man didn't seem one bit perturbed by his insult, and to Drakken's dismay he leaned up against the side of the watermelon crate and continued what he apparently thought was a welcome conversation.

"We haven't heard anything about you really since the invasion."

Drakken rolled his eyes and looked back to the watermelons, hoping the man would take the hint and leave. Unfortunately, Possible continued.

"Although my Kimmy-cub did mention running into you at this very store once, after stopping some crooks with Ronald."

Drakken's frown deepened as he considered that in all the stores in all the world, Kim Possible just had to have been busting some small-time criminal while he was buying watermelon. But his brow suddenly rose in the realization that there was no real reason for James Possible to be there.

"You know, she mentioned something about watermelon that time too... You branching out from flowers into mutant fruit, now?" Possible asked with an amused chuckle.

"None of your business," Drakken replied through a grunt, bending low over the melons to get Possible out of his line of sight.

A blessed silence fell for several seconds that made him hope the man had taken the hint and left, but then...

"Finally left the blue lab coat behind, I see."

"Don't you have someplace else to be?" Drakken snapped, feeling another twinge in his neck as he turned too quickly to give his former friend a venomous look.

Possible chuckled. "My wife and I are on a couple's cruise. St. Lucia is one of the stops," the man explained.

Drakken grumbled under his breath about the unfortunate reality of living so near various tourist locations. Perhaps it was time to consider online shopping for groceries...

"Getting a few grays there, Drew."

"Oh like you're one to talk," Drakken said, grabbing the closest watermelon and hefting it into the cart.

As Drakken's irritation rose he wondered if Shego would settle for watermelon-flavored gum. He could grab some off the rack near the check stand and run, and no one would be the wiser.

"All this time and you're getting that one?" Possible said with a concerned frown.

Drakken hesitated, narrowing his eyes on the man.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, those oblong ones aren't very sweet. They were over-watered."

Drakken blinked again, a myriad of new annoying thoughts running through his mind. He moved to set the melon in the cart, but Possible was giving him an all-too familiar, knowing and painfully smug grin.

Drakken frowned.

"Fine, which melons should I buy?" he asked through a scowl, shifting his weight as somehow holding the large melon was putting undue pressure on his spine.

"Well, what are you using them for?" Possible asked, raising that single annoying eyebrow higher as his smirk grew.

"For eating, you— Ngh!"

Drakken cut himself off as he nearly dropped the slippery melon. He grit his teeth as he carefully placed it back in the bin, not making eye contact with Possible who was surely grinning in his perceived pompous superiority that had only added to Drakken's disdain for the man.

"Fine! Which one should I get, then?" Drakken asked as he straightened again, crossing his arms.

His brow rose in curiosity as James Possible's face adopted a thoughtful, critical expression as he bent over the crate.

"For starters, you need something uniform in size and shape. That's how you know it developed properly," the man said. Drakken watched as Possible started sorting the watermelons before he continued. "And if it's dark and dull, you know it's ripe. Avoid the pale and shiny ones."

"Don't you have something better to do on your...so-called couple's cruise?"

"My wife is clothes shopping," Possible stated simply and with a slight cringe as he lifted a melon and examined it.

Despite himself, after nearly a minute of watching Possible sorting watermelons Drakken joined in, moving only the large oblong ones as he didn't know much else. He abhorred the idea of getting advice from the man who was partially responsible for his becoming a villain... But, if it meant getting the best melons for Shego...

"And there, those ones will be very flavorful," Possible said, pointing to a melon with a massive orange discoloration on it.

"It looks like it spent too much time in the sun," Drakken said skeptically.

"It spent a long time ripening on the vine," Possible explained, as if the topic were an everyday one. "But avoid the white spots. And here," he gestured to the ugliest of melons, covered in brown scars that spread over the rind in a webbed appearance that interrupted the green stripes, "is another sign that they're sweet and flavorful."

Drakken leaned away again and frowned. "Do you take me for a fool?"

Possible straightened as well, looking ever-confident. "The brown spots indicate numerous pollination attempts by bees, thus the melon is sweeter."

Drakken stared the man down for several seconds and detected no lie in his words. His brow furrowed.

"How do you know this?"

"I've done some research into various botanical fields."

"You're a rocket scientist. Unless something has changed in the past—" Drakken stopped as realization struck. His brow rose, and suddenly Possible looked uncomfortable. "Are you...trying to move in on my research?"

Possible cleared his throat. "Anyway, those are the tastiest melons...if eating is in fact what you need them for."

"You're trying to move in on my territory! You're...you're jealous!"

Possible turned on his heel and departed rapidly with a stiff wave.

"Pleasure catching up!"

Drakken stared in astonishment until the man vanished through the automatic doors of the store, and then a grin slowly broadened his face. James Possible was jealous...of him!

"About time," Drakken muttered as he turned back to the melons. His grin quickly faded into uncertainty.

What if Possible had been lying about the melons?

He tried to recall in the past which ones had tasted the best. Not that he ate much of them, but he had sampled more than his fair share.

It was true, the enormous long ones never held much flavor and seemed watery. Perhaps it was true that the ugliest were the best? He had never bought those before, so...he supposed it was worth a try.

Drakken shrugged to himself and started loading up the shopping cart. Possible had no idea after all what the melons were really for. There would be no reason for the man to lie...except malice. And yet...something told Drakken, that that hadn't been the man's motive...much to Drakken's confusion.

Shego was still in bed when Drakken returned to the lair with the watermelons, and he had checked on her while the henchmen unloaded them from the hover-car. She wasn't feeling as ill that day, but still didn't want to get up. Thankfully, the promise of watermelon seemed to calm her ire, so it was only with limited anxiety that Drakken portioned up one of the hideous looking melons and prepared her a simple bowl to start with.

The flesh of the watermelon itself did indeed look redder and was definitely juicier than what he was used to buying, but even if he thought it was good—which he wouldn't, having lost his taste for the fruit—it was Shego's opinion that mattered. And so he held his breath as he walked back to the bedroom to present the bowl to his wife.

Shego sat up slowly in bed and Drakken's brow twisted in sympathy at her grimace of pain. Once the bowl was in her hands he tossed off his polo shirt and pushed his feet out of his shoes, grateful to be home where he could shake off the displeasure of interacting with James Possible and focus on the important things. Namely, his wife and their unborn child.

Shego had one hand on the small swell of her belly as she adjusted pillows with the other so she could lean against the headboard while she ate. Drakken quickly moved to her side to assist her which earned him a look of annoyance, as if he should have already been helping her, but also a look of gratitude.

Drakken sat on the bed and un-tucked his tank top as Shego tossed the blankets down to her knees and then brought the dish of watermelon up to chest height with one palm supporting the bowl from beneath as she stabbed one of the succulent cubes with her fork. He held his breath again as she brought the bite to her lips, and after only a moment of chewing her eyes widened.

"Where did you get this?" she asked, the bite going into her cheek as she spoke. She put another cube in her mouth as she continued chewing the first.

"Sanchez's place, like always," he said with a slightly nervous shrug.

"Better than any he's ever had before," she commented through her full mouth.

Drakken watched as her eyes brightened through the enjoyment of her biggest pregnancy craving. He felt the irritation of the shopping trip melt away at the pleased look on her face, and he hoped the treat would also go some way toward easing the pain of the never-ending morning sickness.

He got his answer very suddenly when Shego set the bowl down, grinning at him as she pushed the bed-covers even farther away. He didn't even get to speak before he was knocked back slightly by her arms wrapping around him and her lips pressing against his. He responded with a startled hum as he caught himself from falling with one palm on the mattress, his other hand instantly finding her waist.

Shego pulled away just enough so she could smile into his eyes, and Drakken blinked at her dumbly in confusion as she shifted nearer, her pregnant belly pressing against his.

"Thanks, Dr. D.," she said simply, and kissed him again, the distinct flavor of watermelon on her lips.

For once, it was very, very sweet.

[prettyboongi]

BTS Reaction | They React to You Having a Weird Personality

[A/N: Hey gang! I’ve been meaning to post this earlier but somehow I got hit with major writer’s block （￣ε￣）so to the user who requested this, I’m really sorry I took so long to finish this. Hope you all enjoy!

Seokjin 

When Jimin decided to tag along with you and Seokjin to go grocery shopping, he didn’t think much of it at first. He was running low on basics such as milk and soy sauce and, being his first time spending some time with you, he thought it would be a great time to get to know you better. And boy, did he. 

The three of you were browsing the produce section of the grocery store when you suddenly wandered off somewhere. Jimin didn’t think much of it and continued to stay by Jin’s side, checking the ripeness of the cantaloupes. It was only when he heard you speaking nearby. You were talking in a cutesy voice, the kind one would use when speaking to a baby or small child. It was only when Jimin turned your way to find you speaking to either. 

“Aww, aren’t you just the cutest thing ever!,” you cooed while holding a kiwi close to your face. “You’re so soft and fuzzy. Too bad you’re just too delicious otherwise I’d keep as a pet!” 

“What the absolute fuck?,” Jimin murmured, totally dumbstrucked of what he was witnessing. 

“What?,” asked Jin, too busy testing the cantaloupes. 

“Y/N is talking to fruit… like it’s an animal or something.” 

“Oh yeah, she does that sometimes. Pretty adorable, right? 

Adorable wasn’t the right word Jimin was thinking of. Plain bizarre was more fitting. Or embarrassing as a handful of passersby gave quizzical looks at you. But you were too busy to notice, focusing on your conversation with the small, fuzzy fruit. 

Mortified, Jimin calls out to you. “Ah, Y/N! Can you please quit it.? You’re being weird!”

Surprised but unfazed by Jimin’s outburst and overall embarrassment, you simply respond, “But come on, they just look so deliciously cute!” You even gave the kiwi a nice pet before lovingly rubbing it on your face. 

Utterly speechless, Jimin continues to gawk at you like a freakshow. His attention does break from you when he feels a sudden pat on the shoulder. He turns around slightly to find Jin next to him with a sympathetic look on his face. 

“There, there Jiminie.” says Jin, “you’ll come to love her weirdness. 

And Jimin eventually did. Begrudgingly so. 

Yoongi 

You were sitting alone in a cafe, waiting for your boyfriend Yoongi to arrive. When he mentioned that he had some time out of his busy schedule to hang out, of course you took the opportunity. Although you admired his work ethic and dedication to BTS, you still wished there was more time to spend time together. And it was days like this that you truly look forward to. 

He texted you he was running a bit late so all you could really do was wait patiently for him. A task that wasn’t so hard since you found yourself drifting into a daydream while staring out the window. It was only you heard the screech of the chair scooting that broke you from your daydream. You turn to the noise and see Yoongi sitting down in front of you. And with an unexpectant guess. 

“Hey Y/N, sorry I’m late,” Yoongi greets you, “Hope you don’t mind that I brought Taehyung along.” Taehyung sits down next to Yoongi and shoots you a cheeky smile. 

“No, I don’t mind,” you replied, “Now I have two of my favorite people in the world.” While there was a part of you that wanted to be alone with Yoongi, you were happy to see Taehyung as well. As an apology for being a third wheel, Taehyung even offered to order and pay for all your drinks: an Americano for Yoongi, a vanilla latte for you and a hot chocolate for himself. 

Once the three of you were all settled with your drinks, you asked the two men how their day was. 

“Surprisingly, it wasn’t too busy. Just going over…” you listen to Yoongi say before drifting into one of your vivid daydreams. You knew it was rude but sometimes you couldn’t help it, you get distracted way too easily. Yoongi knew this about you. This definitely wasn’t the first time you spaced out while he was speaking. Despite this, you always urge him to keep talking since you snapped out of it at some point. 

However, Taehyung didn’t know this trait about you and proceeds to wake you up from daydream mode. With a loud snap of fingers he called out your name and your attention was now back to them. 

“Oh sorry about that,” you said bashfully. 

Unbothered, Yoongi took a sip of his coffee. “No, it’s fine babe. Seemed like you had a good daydream going on.” Both of you chuckled lightly but Taehyung stayed quiet. He wasn’t particularly annoyed by your daydreaming but he did think it was rude to not pay attention. 

Half-jokingly, he retorted, “Wow hyung, who knew you were dating such a space cadet.” 

“Huh?,” you responded. Taehyung’s seemingly lighthearted remark caught you off guard. 

Taehyung chuckles. “I knew all knew you were ditzy but jeez.” 

You didn’t know how to respond so you giggled nervously. Even though you knew he was joking around, the way he said it made you feel a bit embarrassed. 

Seeing your reaction, Yoongi glares at Taehyung. “Hey, I’d appreciate you not making fun of my girlfriend.” 

“But hyung, I was just-” 

“I really don’t give a shit whether you were kidding or not, I want you to apologize to her.” 

Knowing better to not disobey this particular hyung of his, Taehyung turns to you with apologetic eyes. “I’m sorry, Y/N,” he says genuinely. 

You reached over to give his hand a comforting pat and smiled at him. “Thanks, Tae.” 

You knew he was joking around but it was still nice to hear him apologize. 

Hoseok

Everyone in the group knew how close you were to Hoseok. Dating for almost a year already, he was your entire world. Your rock. Your knight in shining armor. And because of his supportive and caring nature, you always went to him whenever you needed something. Hoseok made it clear to you that you could always rely on him. 

“Hobi, can you please pick me up?” you’d ask him on the phone and Hoseok would immediately be on his way. 

“Hobi can you open my bottle? It hurts my hand”, and he’d gladly open it for you. 

“Hobi, I feel really scared and anxious right now, I need you,” and he would drop whatever he was doing to find and comfort you. 

To some people, you would see this as Hoseok being a great boyfriend. However, others might just view it as a little too dependent. Others like Jungkook, apparently. 

Jungkook didn’t have anything against you; he really liked for the most part. He just thought it was strange for a girl your age to be so reliant on someone, be it her boyfriend or not. He didn’t understand how someone as fiercely independent as his hyung would be interested in someone who is the complete opposite. It was an opinion that he kept to himself until one day. 

You knew that today Hoseok and the guys had a dance practice and you thought it would be a great idea to make a surprise visit. On your way to the studio, you were about to turn a corner when you see your boyfriend and Jungkook in the hallway. It looked like they were having a serious conversation so you contemplated whether to wait until they were finished or greet them anyway. That’s when you hear your name being suddenly dropped. 

“Y/N?,” Hoseok asks quizzically, “What about her?” 

“I noticed that she’s been asking a lot of you lately, things that she could definitely do on her own,” Jungkook hesitantly begins, “I just find it odd that she’s that so dependent on you.”

You felt a rush of heat rising in you from shear embarrassment as you hid away the two men. You didn’t know that Jungkook thought this way about you and you worried if the other’s felt the same way. “Ugh, this is why you don’t eavesdropped, stupid,” you thought to yourself. You were about to leave when you heard Hoseok beginning to speak. 

“To be perfectly honest, Jungkook, I like that fact that I’m the one Y/N comes to when she needs help. I like being needed, especially from someone I love. She’ll get to a point where she can be more self-reliant but I’m not going to rush her. So don’t worry too much about her or our relationship, okay?” He finishes his speech with a friendly pat on Jungkook’s shoulder.” 

“Sorry, hyung. I didn’t mean to be rude,” he says with a guilty look on his face. Hoseok just responds with a hearty laugh as he puts his arm around the maknae and leads back to the dance studio. 

Still standing behind that corner, you couldn’t help but contain the sweet smile on your face. You were still a bit dejected over what Jungkook said about you but the fact you had a boyfriend that will defend no matter what made you feel so blessed. He was truly your everything and you’d be lost without him. 

You took a moment to compose yourself before heading towards the dance studio. 

Namjoon

It was no secret to anyone that knew you that your favorite thing to eat was anything pickled. Growing up in a family that pickled everything from cucumbers to watermelon rinds, you always found comfort munching on the tangy, savory food. Your love for pickled foods reached an all new high when you moved to South Korea and fell totally in love with kimchi and all its regional variants. 

To an outsider, they might see your love for pickled food a bit obsessive, but not Namjoon. Knowing how much you love eating them, he made sure stock up on your favorites at the dorm. So whenever you come over to hang out, you’ll have a tasty snack to eat. This sweet gesture made you love the man even more, if that was even possible in the first place. 

The rest of Bangtan thought your obsession with pickles somewhat peculiar but also adorably quirky. Well everyone except for one person: Yoongi. As much as he enjoyed pickled foods himself, he personally thought you took it too far since he’d always catch you eating them. He even avoids sitting and speaking to you due to you sometimes smelling like strong brine. But he tried his best to hold his tongue since it didn’t hurt anyone. 

One day, Yoongi walks into the living room of the dorm and finds you and Namjoon sitting at the table. You, of course, was enjoying some pickled okra your mother sent you in a care package. 

“Hi, Yoongi!,” you squeaked as you got up to give him a hug. 

Yoongi became rigid in your embrace but soon reciprocated the hug rather awkwardly. Pulling back from the hug, he says hurriedly, “Uh, I have to run some errands. See ya guys around,” then hightails it out the door. 

His behavior leaves you puzzled. “What’s with him?,” you asked Namjoon but he just shrugs in response. 

That very visit, you decided to spend the night at the dorm. You were walking out of the bathroom after brushing your teeth when you heard Namjoon and Yoongi talking in the next room. As you tippy-toed closer to that room, you quickly realized they were talking about you. 

“I’m sorry Joon but I just think it’s her obsession with pickles is kinda gross,” Yoongi belts out, “I mean she eats them all the time.” 

Before even hearing Namjoon's response, you quickly walked to his bedroom and buried yourself in his sheets. A few moments later, you hear Namjoon walk into the room and feel the bed slightly shake as he climbs into bed. 

“You still awake, honey?,” he sweetly asks. 

“Yeah,” you said in a somber tone, still buried under the sheets. 

“Hey, is there something wrong?” 

It takes you a moment before responding. “Do you think I’m gross, Joon?” 

Namjoon sighs heavily. “I’m guessing you overheard our conversation. How much did you hear?”

“I only heard what Yoongi said then immediately went towards the room. Joonie, I’m sorry I’m like this.” 

That’s when Namjoon pulled the covers from you and cupped your flustered face. “Hey, you have nothing to be sorry about. Who cares what you love to eat? I love you for who you are, Y/N. That’s what I told Yoongi hyung and now I’m telling you.” He then gives you a warm, gentle kiss on the lips. 

Overwhelmed by Namjoon’s intense sincerity and affection, you felt your eyes start to water. “You don’t mind that my kisses sometimes taste like vinegar?” 

Namjoon chuckles at your question. “Not one bit.” 

Jimin 

The guys decided it would be nice to have a relaxing movie night and you were invited to tag along. 

“How long’s the movie?,” you asked?

“It’s pretty long,” Jimin says before he clicks the play button on the Netflix screen. 

“Bet Y/N’s gonna pass out halfway towards the middle,” Taehyung jokes. 

You scoff. “I’m not gonna fall asleep this time.” You said this with such confidence but the boys didn’t buy it. You were known to fall asleep at any time, at any occasion. Whether you were on a day trip or at an awards show, you’d often find yourself passing out somewhere, causing some slight embarrassment on your part. And unfortunately, tonight was no different. 

“Baby, wake up,” Jimin softly says to you as he gently shakes you awake. 

You quietly moaned as you sat up on the couch in the dorm’s living room. “Is the movie already over?” you said groggily, rubbing the sleepiness from your eyes. 

Jimin faintly smiles at you. “Afraid so. 25 minutes in - a new record for you,” he teased. You gave him a quick glare. 

“I had a strange dream. I wasn’t in it myself but you and Namjoon were there. Namjoon was kinda irritated and said something like ‘what’s the point in even inviting her to these things if she’s just going to fall asleep?’ Good thing it was just a dream, right?” You looked up at Jimin and saw a weird expression on his face. “What?”

He sighs and says, “That wasn’t a dream, Y/N. I was hoping you didn’t hear that.” 

“So, Namjoon did say that,” you asked. Jimin nodded. Even though you were the one that fell asleep during the movie, you couldn’t help but feel a bit hurt and ashamed. You bit your lip before speaking again. “Is he mad at me?”

Jimin grabs your hands, gently caressing your finger. “Oh, not at all, sweetie. But even if he was mad, it doesn’t matter,” he says assuringly. “Wanna know what I told him?,” he asked you. You silently nod. “I told him that you’re my sleeping beauty and I wouldn’t change that about you.” 

His lovely compliment catches you off guard, causing a light blush to appear on your face. Softly smiling at him, you respond, “You’re such a cheeseball, Park.” 

Taehyung

You were out on a dinner date with your boyfriend Taehyung, and you were trying your best to hide your nervousness. It wasn’t the fact that you were out with Tae that made you nervous since you've been together for a few months already. What made you nervous was that this date was actually a double date with Hoseok and his own girlfriend. Even though this wasn’t your first time hanging out with anyone from the group, let alone Hoseok, you still get anxious in settings like this. Especially settings that involved eating. You didn’t consider yourself a gross eater, you just become hyper-aware when you eat around others. Heck, it took you awhile to feel comfortable eating around Taehyung. 

The four of you were sitting together at a fancy restaurant, and you tried your best to ease your nervousness by engaging in the conversation. When the food arrived, all hope was lost as you felt the sensation of butterflies in your stomach. Everyone eagerly dug into their plates as you just sipped your water, hoping it will calm your nerves. 

Taehyung poked your hand, getting your attention. “You alright, babe?”

You quickly nodded. “Yeah, I’m just not that hungry for some reason.” 

Overhearing this, Hoseok turns your way with a cheeky smirk on his face. “What’s wrong, Y/N? Are you afraid we’ll all find out your disgusting eating habits?” he boffs. 

Hoseok was merely kidding but his joke still managed to make you choke on your water. Taehyung rubs on your back for comfort as he gives a stern look to Hoseok. 

“Hey, hyung,” he says in a rather serious tone, “Please don’t bully my honey pie.” 

Hoseok scoffs in return. “Come on, I’m just kidding!,” he belts. Hoseok’s girlfriend proceeds to slightly hit him hard on the shoulder. “What did I do?”

She looks at him. “Like you’re one to Hoseok. Most of the time, you eat like a feral pig.” 

You and Taehyung tried your best to stifle your laughter after hearing such a brutal dig. Although shocked at first, Hoseok just laughs it off and goes back to eating. 

You then look at Taehyung and smile. “I think I’m actually hungry now.” 

Jungkook 

You were meeting the boys for the very first time today. Despite you and Jungkook’s relationship being relatively new, he just couldn't wait any longer to introduce you to his hyungs. While this made you feel extremely special, you were also scared out of your mind that you’ll embarrass yourself in front of them. Possibly making Jungkook regret being interested in you in the first place. 

When you told Jungkook about your worries, he reassured you that everything will be fine. As you were standing outside of the door of their dorm, you really hope what Jungkook said was true. With a shaky hand, you rung the doorbell. As you expected your boyfriend opened the door. 

“Hey,” he says flirtily. 

“Hey, yourself. Are they here?”

“Yep, they can’t wait to meet you. Come on in.” He takes your hand, leading you towards the living room. 

“Hyungs,” Jungkook begins excitedly, “this is my girlfriend, Y/N.” 

The six men got up from the couch and hurriedly walked over to meet you. They politely bowed and flashed friendly smiles, however it doesn’t ease your anxiety. 

“H-hello, it’s not to meet you,” you stammered. You let go of Jungkook’s hand and started to fidget your fingers self-consciously. 

It was clear as day that you were extremely nervous. Knowing how important you were to Jungkook, the guys went out their way to make you feel welcome. You spent the entire day having fun with everyone; eating snacks, playing party games and just overall playing around. It seemed like the guys really liked you, which caused you to fidget less as the time went by. 

By evening, it was about your time to leave and you went to find Jungkook so he could drive you home. You asked Yoongi where Jungkook was and he mentioned seeing him toward his room. After getting directions, you head towards his room. Seeing that his door was opened you cautiously went inside, not realizing that Jungkook was having a conversation with Seokjin. 

“Don’t take it too personally, Jungkook. I’m just not sure if I like her yet,” Jin says to Jungkook, neither noticing you in the room yet. 

“But why hyung?,” Jungkook says, hearing the slight hurt in his voice. 

Seokjin sighs before speaking again. “She’s just super awkward, you know? Painfully so.” 

His blunt words hit you hard inside. It turns out you were wrong about everyone liking you. The room fell into a brief yet excruciating silence. It took you clearing your throat for them to finally notice you in the room. 

Surprised, Jungkook turns to you. “Y/N?” 

“It’s time for me to go. Can you take me home?” 

“Uh, yeah, just let me get my keys?”  

Before following Jungkook out the room, you gave Seokjin a meek wave goodbye then left. 

On your way to the car, you tried to distract yourself by talking about how much fun you had but Jungkook could tell you were still hurt by Seokjin’s words. Before having the chance to open the passenger door, Jungkook spins you around and pulls you into his embrace. 

“I don’t know how much you heard from Jin hyung,” he says into your ear, “But it’ll be fine, Y/N. Soon enough, he’ll see you how I see you: an amazing and beautiful girl.”

You didn’t know what to say at that moment, so you just quietly sobbed into his shoulder. 

[watch-grok-brainrot]

MDZS Novel Translation: Lotus Pod Extra Part 1 (Chinese, English, plus translator ramblings)

General notes: MXTX’s use of commas annoy me so much. I ended up breaking up really long sentences into smaller ones for 1) my own sanity, 2) my sense of sentence structure, and 3) aesthetics. Probably grammar too… but i’m pretty bad at grammar so idk.  So you’ll see chinese followed by the translation. then notes in brackets if there are any... hope it’s easy to follow? i went through and tried to format them differently too... You can also just go read the english only version if you want... it’s in another post. i can link it in the comments. 

as per the other post, thank @merelhyn an her rabid love of this extra for me translating it. hahaha! also, she did a once-over before i posted and caught some mistakes of mine. :D 

Keep reading if you want and lmk what you think. ^_^ Feel free to ask me questions or yell at me about places where i can improve. Discourse is good for learning! 

云梦莲花坞。

Yunmeng Lotus Pier. 

试剑堂外, 夏蝉鸣噪；试剑堂内，一片肉体陈横、不堪入目。

Outside ShiJianTang (Sword Testing Hall) were the summer cicadas’ noisy calls; inside ShiJianTang was the unbearable sight of bodies strewn across the ground.

十几名少年打着赤膊, 一片片贴在试剑堂内的木板地上, 时不时翻个身，仿佛十几片烤得滋滋作响的煎饼，发出垂死的咕哝。

Over a dozen youths with bare chests stuck themselves onto ShiJianTang’s hardwood floor, periodically flipping themselves over, as if they were over a dozen sizzling JianBing (Fried Bread), letting out mutterings of the dying.

[Note: technically it says bare arms, but with their hanfu, if the arms are bare, so are the chests so I’m translating it that way to make it make more sense.]

“热……”

“Hot……”

“死了……”

“Dead…… ”

魏无羡眯着眼，迷迷糊糊心道：“像云深不知处那么凉快就好了。”

Wei Wuxian thought blearily to himself with barely open eyes, “If only it could be as cool here as it is in Cloud Recesses.”

身下那片木板又被体温同化了, 于是他翻了个身。恰巧, 江澄也翻了个身，两人擦了个边, 胳膊搭着了腿, 魏无羡立刻道：“江澄，把你胳膊拿开, 你像块炭。”

The hardwood flooring under him was once again warmed by his body heat, so he flipped over. Coincidentally, Jiang Cheng also flipped over, the two brushed against each other, arm and leg making contact. Wei Wuxian immediately said, “Jiang Cheng, move your arm, you’re as hot as a coal.” 

江澄道：“你腿拿开。”

Jiang Cheng said, “You move your leg.”

魏无羡道：“胳膊比腿轻, 我拿腿更吃力, 还是你拿胳膊吧。”

Wei Wuxian said, “Arms are lighter than legs, me moving my leg takes more effort. It’s better for you to move your arm.”

江澄怒了：“魏无羡我警告你不要太过分, 闭嘴不要说话, 越说越热！”

Jiang Cheng became angry: “Wei Wuxian, I’m warning you to not go overboard. Shut your mouth and don’t speak. The more you talk, the hotter it gets!”

六师弟道：“你们不要吵了行不行, 我听你们吵都觉得好热, 汗都流得更快了。”

Sixth-shidi (younger male disciple) said: “Can you two not argue? Just listening to you argue makes me hotter. I’m sweating even more now.”

那边已经一掌劈来、一脚蹬去了：“快滚！”“你滚！”“不不不, 你请滚！”“别客气, 你先滚！”

Jiang Cheng and Wei Wuxian already started fighting -- a palm strike here, a kick there: “Hurry up and piss off!” “You piss off!” “No no no, please, piss off!” “Don’t be so polite, you piss off first.”

众师弟怨声载道：“要打出去打！”“你们一起滚了好不好啊求求你们！”

All the younger disciples complained in unison: “Take the fight outside!” “You two can both go piss off. We’re begging you!”

魏无羡道：“听到没有, 大家让你出去。你……放开我腿，要断了大哥！”

Wei Wuxian said, “Did you hear that, everyone is asking you to leave. You… let go of my leg, it’s going to break, Da-ge!” 

[note: the use of da-ge here is like when you ask someone to cry uncle. Wwx is crying for mercy.]

江澄额头青筋暴起, 道：“明明是让你出去……你先松开我胳膊！”

A vein on Jiang Cheng’s forehead popped up. “Clearly they’re telling you to leave…. Let go of my arm first!”

这时，外边的木廊上传来一阵裙·摆曳地的沙沙响动，两人顿时闪电一般分开。旋即，竹帘被掀起，江厌离探头往里瞄一瞄，道：“呀，原来你们都躲在这里。”

At this time, from the wooden corridor outside came the sound of a skirt rustling over the floor. The two immediately parted like lightning. Soon, the bamboo curtains parted, Jiang Yanli stuck her head in, glanced around, and said, “Aah, so you’re all hiding here.”

众人连声道：“师姐！”“师姐好。”有容易害臊的忍不住双手交叠遮胸，躲到角落里去了。

Everyone said in unison: “Shijie!” “Hi Shijie!” The ones who became embarrassed easily couldn't help but cross their arms over their chests and hide into a corner. 

江厌离道：“今天怎么偷懒不练剑啦？”

Jian Yanli asked: “Why are you all being lazy today and not practicing your swords?” 

[Note: being lazy here is made up of the characters “steal” and “lazy”. It implies shirking responsibilities to be lazy. JYL is likely saying this to tease the boys. Also, there isn’t a subject in the sentence. The you is implied but that doesn’t work in english so i added “you all” to indicate plural you.]

魏无羡诉苦道：“这么毒的日头，校场晒死了，去练剑要脱一层皮。师姐不要告诉别人。”

Wei Wuxian complained, “Such a treacherous day, the sun shining over the practice grounds would kill us, practicing swords would make us shed a layer of skin. Shijie, don’t tell other people.” 

[Note: 毒 means poison/toxin but i feel like it would be weird to describe a day as such. You can also say someone is very 毒 and it would mean cruel/malicious. Somehow that didn’t work well in my head either… so i went with treacherous. Translator’s artistic license, ok?]

江厌离仔细端详了他和江澄一下，道：“你们两个是不是又打架啦？”

Jiang Yanli carefully assessed him and Jiang Cheng and asked, “Did you two get into another fight?”

魏无羡道：“没有哇！”

Wei Wuxian said, “We didn’t!”

江厌离的身子也钻进来了，她端着一盘东西道：“那阿澄胸口的脚印是谁踹的？”

Jiang Yanli stepped into the room carrying a plate and asked, “Then who kicked the footprint onto A-Cheng’s chest?”

魏无羡一听留下罪证了，连忙去看，果然有。可已经没人在意他俩有没有打架了，江厌离手上端的是一大盘切好的西瓜，一群少年蜂拥而上，三两下便分完了，坐在地上相对啃瓜。不一会儿，瓜皮就在盘子里堆成了个小半山。

Wei Wuxian, upon hearing he left evidence, turned to look -- it was really there. But no one cared whether the two of them fought anymore for Jiang Yanli had brought a large plate of watermelon slices. The group of youths swarmed in, quickly divided the melon between them, and sat down on the floor to gnaw on the melon. Not long later, the melon rinds piled into a small hill on the plate. 

魏无羡和江澄无论干什么都是要比一比的，吃个西瓜也不例外，横刀夺瓜，损招不断，斗得旁人避之不及，连忙给他们腾出了一块空地。魏无羡一开始吃得还卖力，吃着吃着，忽然“噗”地笑了一声。

No matter what Wei Wuxian and Jiang Cheng did, they would end up competing. Eating watermelon was no exception. Slashing to seize the melon -- an endless volley of moves between the two made others hurry to avoid them and scramble out of the way, leaving an empty space. At first, Wei Wuxian was wholeheartedly eating watermelon, but as he ate, a chuckle suddenly burst from his lips. 

[Note: 横刀夺瓜，损招不断 was a weird thing to translate. By character: 横 horizontal 刀 blade 夺 sieze 瓜 melon，损 damaging 招 move/blow 不 not 断 broken. Alternate translation because I really can’t decide: Crossing blades to seize the melon, trading endless blows. Because 招 is a weapon neutral wuxia unit of a martial movement and i honestly have i no idea how to translate it!]

江澄警觉地道：“你又想干什么。”

Jiang Cheng asked suspiciously: “What are you thinking about doing now?”

魏无羡又拿了一块，道：“没！你不要误会。我没想干什么，我就是想起了一个人。”

Wei Wuxian grabbed another piece of melon and said: “Nothing! Don’t misunderstand. I didn’t think about doing something, I just thought of a person.”

江澄道：“谁？”

Jiang Cheng asked: “Who?”

魏无羡道：“蓝湛。”

Wei Wuxian said: “Lan Zhan”

江澄道：“你没事想他干什么，想念罚抄的滋味不成？”

Jiang Cheng asked: “Why are you thinking about him? Do you miss the feeling of being forced to copy lines as punishment?” 

[Note: 没事 is no business but in context it means when you have no reason to. So maybe the line can be translated as Why are you thinking about him without cause? But that’s not very colloquial in english even if it is in chinese so I cut it.]

魏无羡吐籽，道：“想他好玩儿呗。你不知道，他可有意思了。我跟他说，你们家的饭菜太难吃了，我宁愿吃炒西瓜皮也不愿吃你家的饭，你有空到我们莲花坞来玩啊……”

Wei Wuxian spat out some seeds and said, “I’m thinking about how much fun he is. You have know idea, he’s so interesting. I said to him, your family’s food is not delicious at all, I would rather eat sauteed watermelon rind than eat your family’s food, you should come visit Lotus Pier when you have time…... ” 

话音未落，江澄一掌拍歪他的瓜：“你疯了叫他来莲花坞，给自己找罪受吗？”

Before the sound of Wei Wuxian’s words ended, Jiang Cheng slapped his watermelon askew: “You’re crazy inviting him to Lotus Pier, are you trying to make yourself suffer?”

魏无羡道：“你急什么，我瓜都差点飞了！我就说说而已，他当然不会来了，你啥时候听说他自己一个人跑出去玩儿过没有。”

Wei Wuxian said, “Why are you so anxious, my melon almost went flying! I was just saying that. Obviously he would not come. When have you ever heard of him going somewhere on his own for fun?”

江澄义正辞严道：“先说好，我反正拒绝他来，你不要乱请。”

Jiang Cheng spoke sternly, with a sense of righteousness, “Just so we’re clear: I will refuse his visit no matter what, don’t invite him willy nilly.” 

[先说好 means to agree upon beforehand, so i think “just so we’re clear” is a reasonable colloquial translation of the sentiment.]

魏无羡道：“没看出来你这么讨厌他啊？”

Wei Wuxian said, “I couldn’t tell you dislike him so!”

江澄道：“我对蓝忘机没意见，可万一他真的来了，我娘看了别人家的孩子要是有话说，到时候你也别想好过。”

Jiang Cheng responded: “I don’t have an issue with Lan Wangji, but if he were to really come, my mother might have something to say about other people’s children, and then you wouldn’t have a good time.”

魏无羡道：“没事，来了也不怕，真要是来了，你就跟江叔叔说让他跟我睡，我保证不出一个月就能把他逼疯。”

Wei Wuxian said, “No biggie, even if he showed up, I’m not scared. IF he really came, you can just tell Uncle Jiang to let him sleep in my room. I promise I’ll drive him insane in less than a week. ”

江澄嗤之以鼻：“你还想跟他睡一个月？我看不出七天你就被他捅死了。”

Jiang Cheng snorted, “You want him to stay with you for a month? I think he’ll stab you to death in less than seven days.”

魏无羡不以为然道：“怕他嘛。真要打起来他还不一定是我对手呢。”

Wei Wuxian retorted, “Who’s scared of him? If we really fight it’s not certain he would be an even match for me!”

众人连连附和起哄，江澄口里讥笑他厚颜，但心里其实知道魏无羡所言不假，并非自吹自擂。江厌离坐到两人中间，道：“你们在说谁呀？姑苏交到的朋友么？”

Everyone cheered and hollered at Wei Wuxian’s statement. Jiang Cheng sneered at Wei Wuxian’s thick skin but in his heart, he knew Wei Wuxian’s words were true and not mere boasts. Jiang Yanli sat between and asked, “Who are you talking about? Is it a friend you made at Gusu?”

魏无羡高兴地道：“是啊！”

Wei Wuxian said happily, “It is!”

江澄道：“你这‘朋友’当得太好意思了。你去问蓝忘机，看他肯不肯要你。”

Jiang Cheng said, “You claim ‘friend’ so easily. You should go ask Lan Wangji, see if he is willing to claim you.”

魏无羡道：“快滚。他不要我我缠死他，看他肯不肯。”转头对江厌离道，“师姐，你知道蓝忘机吗？”

Wei Wuxian said, “Piss off. If he doesn’t want me, I’ll just cling to him. See if he’s willing or not in the end.” Wei Wuxian then turns to Jiang Yanli, “Shijie, do you know of Lan Wangji?”

江厌离道：“知道呀，就是大家都说很俊很有本事的那位小蓝二公子吗？果真很俊么？”

Jiang Yanli said, “I do know of him. Isn’t he the young second young master of Lan that everyone says is very handsome and very talented? Is he really so handsome?”

魏无羡道：“很俊的！”

Wei Wuxian said, “Very handsome!”

江厌离道：“比你呢？”

Jiang Yanli asked, “Compared to you?”

魏无羡想了想，道：“可能稍微比我俊一点点吧。”

Wei Wuxian pondered for a bit before saying, “Maybe the tiniest bit more handsome than me.”

他两只手指比了很小很小的一段距离。江厌离一边收盘子，一边莞尔道：“那看来是真的很俊了。交到新朋友是好事，今后没事的时候你们可以互相串门玩了。”

He held up two fingers separated by the slightest amount. Jiang Yanli smiled as she gathered the plate, “Looks like he must really be handsome. Making new friends is a good thing. When you have time in the future, the two of you can visit each other for fun.”

闻言，江澄喷瓜，魏无羡连连摆手：“罢了罢了。他们家那地方，饭又难吃规矩又多，我可不去了。”

Hearing that, Jiang Cheng spat out his melon. Wei Wuxian waved his hands defensively in front of his face, “No, no. Their home has disgusting food and too many rules. I don’t want to go there” 

[摆手 is a type of hand waving in front of your face that’s basically screams no in this case. I chose to describe it rather than translate it since the visual is very stark in my head.]

江厌离道：“那你可以带他来玩嘛。这次就是个好机会，怎么不请你朋友来莲花坞一起住一段时间？”

Jiang Yanli said, “Then you can bring him here. This time was a good opportunity, why didn’t you invite your friend to Lotus Pier to stay with us for a while?”

[technically jyl said bring him to play but the idea of play in chinese is more broad. It include sight seeing, touristy things, little kids playing, etc. I chose to not include it since it’s awkward in english to translate that. The implication is to show lwj a good time in yunmeng. ^^]

江澄道：“阿姐你听他瞎说。他在姑苏可招人嫌了，蓝忘机哪肯跟他回来。”

Jiang Cheng said, “A-jie, don’t listen to his nonsense. At Gusu he was really detested. How could Lan Wangji be willing to come back with him?”

[the chinese for 听他瞎说 means literally listen to his blind talking. Translating as nonsense made more language sense?]

魏无羡道：“什么话！他肯的。”

Wei Wuxian said, “What are you saying! He’s willing.”

[什么话 is literally what + speech/language. It’s not like language as in watch your language so i translated it as “what are you saying” to convey the annoyance.]

江澄道：“醒醒，蓝忘机叫你滚，听到没？记得吗？”

Jiang Cheng said, “Wake up. Lan Wangji told you to get lost, did you not hear? Remember?”

魏无羡道：“你懂什么！他虽然表面上叫我滚，但我知道他心里一定很想跟我到云梦来玩，想得不得了。”

Wei Wuxian said, “What do you know! Even though on the surface he told me to get lost, but I know, in his heart, he must have really wished to come visit Yunmeng with me. He must want it a lot.”

江澄道：“我每天都在想一个问题，你到底是哪里来的这么多自信？”

Jiang Cheng said, “I think about a question every day: from where do you get so much self confidence?”

魏无羡道：“不要再想了，同一个问题想这么多年还没有答案，换我早就放弃了。”

Wei Wuxian said, “Don’t think about it. You’ve been asking the same question for years without an answer. If it were me, I would have given up a long time ago.”

江澄摇了摇头，正待摔瓜，忽听一阵气势汹汹的脚步飞驰声，一个森寒的女声远远传来：“我说这人一个个的都躲到哪里去了，我就知道……”

Jiang Cheng shook his head and was about to throw his melon, when suddenly there was the sound of overbearing and fast footsteps. A chilling female voice drifted in from the distance: “I was wondering where everyone hid to, I just knew...”

众少年脸色大变，纷纷夺帘而出，恰好撞上虞夫人从长廊那头转来，紫衣翩翩，却气势汹汹，丹目含煞着实骇人。一见这一群少年个个打着赤膊赤脚，不成体统、不堪入目的模样，虞夫人的脸好一阵扭曲，两条细眉更是扬得就快飞起。

The color drained from all the youths’ faces. They scrambled to leave through the curtains, coincidentally catching Madam Yu turning the corner of the corridor. Her purple clothing fluttered freely but her intimidating aura and blazing eyes were truly terrifying. When she saw the group of youths all bare armed and bare footed --  improper and unsightly -- Madam Yu’s face twitched for quite a while. Furthermore, her two elegant eyebrows rose to the point of almost flying. 

[Technically, the paragraph starts with their complexion changed, but in this case it’s out of fear so i used english colloquialisms in my translation. The ‘blazing eyes’ per character are red eye holding killing-energy so blazing eyes was what i went with. The last description of Madam Yu’s face was a weird thing to translate. I first translated it as her eyebrows flew up but I LOVED the way it was worded in chinese here and did my best to preserve it. Also, the wording is her thin eyebrows but it’s a positive description so i switched it to elegant due to cultural context.]

众人心道“坏了！”，魂飞魄散，拔腿便跑。见状，虞夫人终于反应过来了，大怒：“江澄！给我穿上衣服！赤条条的野人一样，像什么鬼样子！让人看见了我脸往哪儿搁？！”

Everyone thought “This is bad!”, horrified, they ran. Seeing this, Madam Yu finally came out of her stupor. She was livid. “Jiang Cheng! Put on your clothes! You’re as naked as a wild man! What sort of shit appearance is that? If other people were to see, where would I put my face?”

[Uh… what a clunky translation on my part. Hahahaha. 魂飞魄散 literally means your spirit flies and your soul scatters… so horrified. ^_^  像什么鬼样子 “is like what ghost appearance?” but ghost here is more a crude derogatory emphasis… so i translated it as shit? idk...  and i was pretty literal about the “where would i put my face”… but hopefully people understand that’s an expression of shame? If not, uh… it’s an expression of shame! Like saving face… but she would lose hers so hard she wouldn’t know where to put it? Cultural things! XD]

江澄的衣服就扎在腰间，听母亲骂了，忙不迭囫囵一套。虞夫人又骂道：“你们呢！阿离在这儿没看到吗？一群死小��在姑娘家面前脱成这副德行，谁��你们的！”

Jiang Cheng’s clothing was tucked around his waist. Hearing his mother’s reprimand, he quickly covered himself. Madam Yu added angrily, “You guys! A-li is here, did you not see? A group of damn boys stripped bare in front of a girl! Who taught you to do this?!”

当然，想都不用想就知道是谁带的头。所以虞夫人下一句照例还是：“魏婴！我看你是要死！”

Of course, it was without question who was the leader. Thus Madam Yu’s next sentence was, per usual: “Wei Ying! Do you want to die?”

魏无羡大声道：“对不起！我不知道师姐会来！我这就去找衣服！”

Wei Wuxian said loudly, “I’m sorry! I didn’t know Shijie would come! I will go look for clothing now!”

虞夫人更怒：“你还敢跑，给我滚回来跪下！”说着一鞭子就出去了。魏无羡感觉背上火辣辣得一痛，“哎哟”大叫一声，险些打滚。这时，虞夫人耳边突然有人幽幽地道：“阿娘，你吃不吃西瓜……”

Madam Yu became even more angry. “You dare run away? Bring your ass back here and kneel!” With those words, her whip flew out. Wei Wuxian felt a searing pain on his back and screamed, almost falling and rolling on the ground. Suddenly someone said faintly by Madam Yu’s year, “A-niang, do you want to eat watermelon...”  

[So 给我滚回来跪下 literally means roll back here and kneel. However, as 滚 is very crude language, i tried to match that in translation. FYI: 滚 is what lwj says when he tells wwx to piss off or get out or whatever. The text specifies wwx screams “aiyou” but it wasn’t really worth translating imo since it’s an onomatopoeia that doesn’t add anything to the text.]

虞夫人被不知道从哪里忽然冒出来的江厌离吓了一跳，就这么一耽搁，那群小贼全都无影无踪了，气得她转头去拧江厌离的脸，道：“吃吃吃，你就知道吃！”

Madam Yu was started by Jiang Yanli appearing out of nowhere. The slight interruption allowed the group of rascals to disappear without a trace. Madam Yu angrily turned toward Jiang Yanli and pinched her cheek saying, “Eat. Eat. Eat. All you know is eat.”

江厌离被母亲拧得眼泪都流出来了一点，含含糊糊地道：“阿娘，阿羡他们躲在这里消暑，我自己找来的，你不要怪他们……你……你吃西瓜吗……不知道是谁送的，不过很甜。夏天吃西瓜，解暑消火，又甜又多汁，我给你切好……”

Jiang Yanli was pinched so hard by her mother that tears trickled out. She mumbled, “A-niang, A-xian and the others hid here from the heat. I came here on my own looking for them. Don’t blame them. Do… Do you want to eat watermelon? I don't know who sent it to us, but it’s very sweet. Eating watermelon in the summer dispels heat and decreases your inner fire. It’s sweet and juicy. I can cut it for you...”

[note, in traditional chinese medicine, there is a balance between heat and cooling. You get sick if you’re off balance. One example of such sickness is heat stroke. But sometimes it’ll also manifest as chapped lips or other skin flare-ups and discomfort. So saying the watermelon dispeals heat and decreases inner fire is a way to say the watermelon helps rebalance you. I don’t know much about TCM but my mom likes it and yelled about it at me a lot as a child… so i’m just explaining what i’ve picked up.]

虞夫人越想越气，再加上天热口渴，居然真被她说得想吃了，如此一来……更气了。

The more Madam Yu stewed, the angrier she became. The summer heat caused her to be thirsty which made her actually want to eat the watermelon. As such, she became even angrier. 

那头数人好容易逃出了莲花坞，冲向码头，跃上小船。好久都无人追出，魏无羡这才放了心。他使劲儿摇了两下船桨，感觉后背还疼，扔下桨给其他人，坐下来摸了摸那片热辣辣的皮肉，道：“青天白日冤，咱们讲讲道理，明明大家都没穿衣服，为什么骂只骂我，打也只打我？”

The group of people escaped Lotus Pier with great difficulty, charged towards the docks, and jumped onto a small boat. When, even after a bit, no one chased them, Wei Wuxian relaxed. He rowed the boat a couple times and felt his back was still hurting. Handing the oar to someone else, he sat down to touch the stinging flesh. “I’ve been wronged in broad daylight. Let’s talk about this logically. Clearly no one was clothed, but why am I the only one to get reprimanded? Why am I the only one to get hit?”

江澄道：“一定是因为你不穿衣服的样子最辣眼睛。”

Jiang Cheng said, “It’s definitely because the way you look while not wearing clothing burns people’s eyes the most.”

[note, i translated 最辣眼睛 as burns people’s eyes the most. The characters are literally most, burn (as in peppery hot burn of chili), eyes. I thought about translating it as eyesore… but couldn’t quite convey the “most” part of the sentiment so this is what you get. Also, it comes up later.]

魏无羡看他一眼，突然纵身一跃，扎入水中。其余人也响应号召一般，纷纷下水，瞬息之间只留了江澄一个人在船上。

Wei Wuxian glanced at him and suddenly sprang up and plunged into the water. Everyone else, seemingly responding to a signal, also entered the water. In a flash, only Jiang Cheng remained on the boat. 

江澄发觉形势微妙不对，道：“你搞什么鬼？！”

Jiang Cheng noticed the suspicious situation and said, “What are you trying to pull?!”

魏无羡滑到船侧，猛地一掌拍去。船只整个地翻了过去，在水里很有分量地一沉一浮，肚皮朝天。魏无羡哈哈大笑，跳上船底，盘足坐了，对着江澄摔下去的那一侧水喊道：“眼睛还辣吗江澄？应个声，喂，喂！”

Wei Wuxian swam up to the side of the boat and unleashed a sharp palm strike. The boat capsized: hull towards the sky and bobbing up and down in the water with vigor. Wei Wuxian laughed heartily, jumped onto the bottom of the boat, and sat down in a lotus position. He yelled towards the water on the side of the boat where Jiang Cheng fell in, “Are your eyes still burning, Jiang Cheng? Give a response! Hey! Hey!”

[The words used to describe the capsized boat was “belly skin towards the sky”. I wanted to share that because I love the imagery. Here is the burning from the spicy eyesore that showed up and made me go back and retranslate that sentence. I hate word play in translation… but also like trying to figure out a way to make it work!]

喊了两声，无人应答，只有咕噜咕噜一串水泡冒上来，魏无羡抹了把脸，奇怪道：“怎么这么久还没上来？”

After yelling twice and getting no response except for a string of gurgling bubbles, Wei Wuxian wiped his face and wondered, “How come he hasn’t popped up after all this time?”

六师弟也游了过来，惊道：“不会淹死了吧！”

Sixth-shidi also swam over and exclaimed, “He can’t have drowned, can he?”

魏无羡道：“怎么可能！”正要下水去拉江澄一把，忽听背后一声大喝，他“哎哟”一下，给人从背后一把推下了水，船只又湿淋淋地翻了个面。原来江澄给他掀下水后潜下水底绕了个圈，绕到了魏无羡背后。

Wei Wuxian said, “How could he?” He was about to jump into the water to drag Jiang Cheng out when he suddenly heard a loud cry from behind. Wei Wuxian yelped as he was shoved into the water. The boat, dripping wet, was flipped right side up. Turns out, after Wei Wuxian flipped Jiang Cheng into the water, Jiang Cheng swam underwater around the boat and ended up behind Wei Wuxian.

两人各偷袭得手一次，开始在水中绕着一条船警惕地打转，其余人则扑腾着水花，散开在湖里看热闹。魏无羡隔船叫嚣道：“你抄凶器算什么，有本事把桨放下，咱们空手比过。”

After the two of them each successfully landed a sneak attack, they started cautiously circling the boat. The others splashed and treaded water as they spread out over the lake to watch. Wei Wuxian hollered from the other side of the boat, “Why are you holding a weapon? If you’re skilled, put the oar down and we can fight hand-to-hand.”

江澄狞笑道：“你当我傻，我一放你就抢过去了！”他手上运桨如风，打得魏无羡连连退避，众师弟嗷嗷叫好。魏无羡左支右绌，百忙之中，抽空辩白道：“我哪有这么无耻！”

Jiang Cheng smirked, “Do you take me for an idiot? As soon as I put it down, you’ll take it!” He wielded the oar with unrelenting ferocity, forcing Wei Wuxian back. All the younger disciples cheered. Wei Wuxian found himself helpless as he dodged left and right. In his frenzy, he made time to plead his innocence, “I am not that shameless!”

[左支右绌 is a compilation of left and right and the word for insufficient. It basically means he couldn’t do anything against JC’s attacks. 百忙之中 - from within a hundred busy moments which i translated as frenzy, 抽空辩白 -- made time to plead innocence. ]

四周嘘声一片：“大师兄，你也有脸说这句啊！”

From all sides came the hissing response, “Da-shixiong, do you really have enough face to say such a thing?”

接下来，众人陷入了混乱的水战，什么大慈大悲杵、百毒蛇蝎草、夺命喷水箭——魏无羡一脚踹了江澄，好容易趴到船上，“呸”地吐了一口湖水，举手道：“不打了不打了，休战！”

Afterwards, everyone became involved in a chaotic water fight. Vicious attacks were used without hesitation. Finally, Wei Wuxian kicked Jiang Cheng and with great effort flopped onto the boat. He spat out a mouthful of lake water, raised his hands and said, “No more fighting. No more fighting! Truce! ”

[Note: the author said they got into a water fight and then listed these: 大慈大悲杵 (infinitely compassionate club) 百毒蛇蝎草 (hundred poison of snakes and scorpions grass) 夺命喷水箭 (life stealing water shooting arrow). I really don’t think there was a way to express these? But wanted to added in the notes as… uh flavor text? Also “infinite compassion” can probably be thought of as putting people out of their misery… so death. Pfffft. Seriously, this is how lots of wuxia fight scenes go. The author throws out poetic(-ish) phrases that kinda have something to do with the theme of the battle and then you’re expected to GUESS what that looks like. Once in a rare while they’ll talk about specific movements, but this is how it goes usually….And if you’re wondering, IMO, the compassion club is someone thwomping people with an oar, the poison grass is probably someone using their clothes/lotus stems/other water plants as whips and/or rods, and the last one is just people splashing each other.]

众人都顶着满头绿油油的水草，打得正酣呢，忙道：“为什么不打了，打呀！打呀！落了下风就求饶？”

Everyone’s heads were covered in bright green water weeds. They were fighting to their heart’s content! Thus, they retorted, “Why should we stop? Fight! Fight! Are you begging for mercy because you’re losing?”

魏无羡道：“谁说我求饶了，回头再打过。我是饿了打不动，先弄点东西吃。”

Wei Wuxian said, “Who said I’m begging for mercy? We can have another fight later. I’m hungry and don’t have energy for fighting anymore. Let’s get something to eat first.”

六师弟道：“那咱们回去吗？晚饭开饭前还能吃几个西瓜。”

Sixth-shidi said, “Are we going back then? We can have a few watermelons before dinner starts.”

江澄道：“现在回去，除了鞭子可没别的给你吃。”

Jiang Cheng said, “If we go back now, the only thing we’ll get to have is a whipping.”

[Note, getting a whipping here is literally eating whips… so there’s word play in terms of eating watermelon and eating whips… which is why i used the word have… a bit awkward? I dunno. If you have thoughts let me know. ]

魏无羡却早有主意，宣布道：“不回去。我们去摘莲蓬！”

Wei Wuxian was ready with a plan. He announced, “We’re not going back! We’re going to go pick lotus pods!”

江澄嘲道：“是‘偷’吧。”

Jiang Cheng said mockinly, “You meant ‘steal’, right?”

魏无羡道：“每次又不是没补钱！”

Wei Wuxian said, “It’s not like they don’t get paid later.”

云梦江氏在这一带时有照顾附近人家，除水祟不收取报酬，方圆数十里，不说几个莲蓬，哪怕是划一片湖专门种给他们吃也是乐意的。每次家中少年出去吃了人家的瓜、捉了人家的鸡、药晕了人家的狗，事后江枫眠也会派人一一补上。至于为何非要锲而不舍地偷来吃，倒不是流氓纨绔作风，无非少年人好玩儿心重，贪那一点被人笑笑骂骂追追打打的趣味罢了。

Yunmeng Jiang Sect often watched over the local people, removing water ghouls without asking for anything in return. Within a radius of several tens of lis, the people were happy to let them pick a few lotus pods. In fact, the people would be perfectly happy to designate a section of the lake to grow lotus just for them. Everytime the youths were out and ate people’s melons, caught people’s chickens, drugged people’s dogs, Jiang Fengmian would send someone later to pay the people. As to why they were determined to steal, it wasn’t because they were scoundrels but because they craved the fun experience of someone chasing them and hitting them while laughing and yelling. 

[Li = ~500 meters/1/3 of a mile. Also, this paragraph is basically ‘boys will be boys’… >.> poor jyl. I wish she got to do this too!! It sounds like so much fun! Also, really? WWX drugging dogs? Forgive me if I don’t believe it. Maybe the other boys did it for him?]

众人上了船，划了好一阵，到了一片莲湖附近。

Everyone got on the boat, rowed for a while, and ended up by a stretch of lake full of lotus. 

好大一片莲湖，青翠翠的。碧叶层层叠叠，小的如盘，大的如伞。外边的低一些疏一些，平平铺在水面上；里边的高一些挤一些，足够遮掩载人的船只，但若是看到哪里一群莲叶挨肩擦头地骚动起来，便知道是有人藏在里面做小动作了。

What a large stretch of lotus filled lake -- green and fresh! The verdant foliage layered and stacked on top of eachother, some as small as plates and others as large as umbrellas. The ones on the outskirts sat lower in the water and were more sparse, carpeting on the surface of the water. The ones on the inside stood taller and packed tightly together, sufficient to hide a boat carrying people. If one were to see a cluster of lily pads rustling and shaking, then they would know someone was mischievously hiding within.

莲花坞的小船滑进这片碧绿的天地底，四周挂满了鼓囊囊的大绿莲蓬，一人撑船，其余人便开始对它们动手动脚起来。大头大脑的莲蓬长在细长的莲茎上，莲茎平滑的绿杆上生满小刺，但不扎人，一折，脆生生地便断了。他们都是连着一段长长的茎一起折了，回去后还可以找个瓶子，插在水里养着，听说这样会多鲜嫩几天。魏无羡也只是听说，不知道是不是真的，反正他就是这么信誓旦旦告诉别人的。

The small boat from Lotus Pier glided into that verdant world. All around them hung large green lotus pods, round and full. One person rowed the boat and the rest started on the lotus pods. The large lotus heads grew on long, thin stems. The smooth lotus stems were covered with tiny thorns that did not sting. Bending the stems, they snapped with a crisp sound. The boys all broke off the pods with a large segment of stems attached. Once they took the pods home, they would find a vase and stick the pods in water. They heard it would preserve the pods’ freshness for a few more days. Wei Wuxian only heard it would work but didn’t know for sure, but he told the others with confidence anyway.

[the thorns and stinging thing was hard to translate. Maybe tiny stingers that didn’t stab people? I don’t know... basically some plants have little bits of white prickly things. And mxtx is describing that. This is why wwx is an academic. You want grant money? Convince people you’re right even if you may not be. >.> ]

他折了几枝，随手剥了一个，颗粒饱满，扔进嘴里，娇嫩多汁，边吃边随口胡哼瞎唱着什么“我请你吃莲蓬、你请我吃什么”，被江澄听到了，道：“你请谁吃？”

He broke off a few stems and reflexively removed the lotus seeds out of one. The seeds were full and round. When he popped them in his mouth, they were tender and juicy. As he ate, he started mindlessly humming and singing, “I treat you to eat lotus pods, what will you treat me to eat?” Jiang Cheng heard his singing and asked, “Who are you treating to eat things?” 

魏无羡道：“哈哈，反正不是你！”正准备摘个莲蓬砸他脸，忽然“嘘”了一声，道，“死了，今天老头在！”

Wei Wuxian said, “Haha, no matter what it’s not you!” He was about to smack Jiang Cheng’s face with the lotus pod but suddenly made a shushing noise and said, “We’re gonna die. The old man is here today!”

老头就是在这片水里种莲蓬的老农。到底有多老，魏无羡也不知道，反正在他看来，江枫眠是叔叔，比江枫眠大的一律都可以被���为老头。打魏无羡记事起他就在这片莲塘了，夏天来偷莲蓬，被抓住后就会被他打。魏无羡时常怀疑这老头是个莲蓬精转世，因为他对自己家湖里少了几个莲蓬了如指掌，少了几个打几下。莲湖里划船，竹篙比桨好使，砰砰砰！打在身上痛极了。

The old man was the old farmer who grew lotus pods in that stretch of water. How old was he, Wei Wuxian didn’t know. From Wei Wuxian’s perspective, Jiang Fengmian was an uncle. Anyone older than Jiang Fengmian could be referred to as an old man. Since Wei Wuxian could remember, he was around this stretch of lotus pond. In the summer, when Wei Wuxian came to steal lotus pods, if he was caught, he would be beaten. Wei Wuxian often suspected the old man was a reincarnated lotus pod spirit because he knew exactly how many lotus pods were missing from his family’s lake. He would beat you once for each missing lotus pod. A bamboo pole was the best tool for maneuvering a boat in a lotus lake. Thump thump thump! The bamboo pole was also exceptionally painful for the people getting hit.

[I wish mxtx would use fewer onamonapias… also, i translated lotus pond because the character she used 塘 means pond. I think she was being inconsistent… oh, well... and i really didn’t like the flow of this paragraph… kinda stream of conscience… especially the last few bits jumped to me, even in chinese. I tried making it flow… ]

众少年也都吃过几杆子，当下都嘘道：“快跑，快跑！”忙不迭抄桨，落荒而逃。七手八脚，划出了莲塘，做贼心虚地回头一看，老头的船已经穿出了重重莲叶，在开阔的水面上滑行。魏无羡��头，看了一会儿，忽道：“奇怪！”

All the youths have experienced a few strikes of the bamboo pole. They all hissed at each other: “Run! Hurry and run!” They grabbed the oars and fled. After they frantically rowed out of the lotus pond, they turned around to look guiltily behind them. The old man’s boat had already exited the thick layers of lily pads and was gliding upon the open waters. Wei Wuxian tilted his head, stared for a bit, and suddenly said, “Weird!”

江澄也站了起来，道：“那船为什么走得这样快？”

Jiang Cheng also stood up and said. “Why is that boat moving so quickly?”

众人一看，那老头背对他们的方向，正挨个数着船上的莲蓬，竹篙放在一边，没动，船只却走得又稳又快，竟是比魏无羡他们的还快。

Everyone looked over at the old man. His back was turned towards them and was counting the lotus pods on his boat. The bamboo pole was set aside, untouched. The boat, however, moved steadily and swiftly, even faster than the boat with Wei Wuxian and company. 

众人都警惕了起来。魏无羡催促道：“划过去，划过去。”

Everyone became cautious. Wei Wuxian urged, “Row over there, row over there.”

两边船靠得近了，众人看得分明，老头的船边，有一道若有若无的白影在水面下游荡！

The two boats moved close and everyone could clearly see a faint white shadow floating and swimming under the water by the old man’s boat. 

魏无羡回头，食指抵在唇上，示意众人小心，莫要惊了老头和下面那只水鬼。江澄点头，划船只带出无声的水波，动静几近于无。当两船相距约三丈时，一只青白色的手从船底湿淋淋地扬起，从老头堆满船的莲蓬里，偷偷抓走了一个，无声无息潜入水底。

Wei Wuxian turned around, his finger against his lip, warning everyone to be careful -- do not startle the old man and the water ghoul under his boat. Jiang Cheng nodded and rowed the boat. The ripples he generated were nearly silent with almost no commotion. When the two boats were about three zhang apart, a wet and dripping pale green hand reached up from beneath the boat. Surreptitiously, the hand took a lotus pod from the old man’s full boat and silently resubmerged itself into the water.

[ 3 丈 (zhang) is ~ 10 meters or 11ish yards]   

片刻之后，两个莲子米的壳子浮上水面。

A few moments later, two lotus seed shells floated to the surface of the water.

一群少年惊呆了：“不得了，这个水鬼也偷莲蓬啊！”

The group of youths was astounded. “Wow! This water ghoul also steals lotus pods!”

[不得了 can be translated as excessive if paired with a situation... It’s just some sort of exclamation of awe and shock.]

老头终于发现身后来了人，一手抓着一只大莲蓬，一手抄竹竿转身。这动作惊了水鬼，哧溜一下，白影没了。众人忙道：“哪里跑！”

The old man finally noticed someone was behind him. He held a large lotus pod and one hand and turned around while grabbing the bamboo pole with the other. The motion started the water ghoul which slithered away. The white shadow disappeared. Everyone quickly hollered, “Where are you going?”

魏无羡扑通入水，扎进水底，不一会儿便拖着一个东西钻出来，道：“抓住了！”

Wei Wuxian plopped into the water and dropped into the depths. Soon, he resurfaced dragging something. “Caught it!”

只见他手里提着一只小水鬼，肤色青白，还是个十二三岁的孩子模样，十分惶恐，在一群少年的注视下几乎要缩成一团。

In his hand, there was a small water ghoul with pale green skin. It looked like a twelve or thirteen year old child. Terrified, it shrank into a ball under the group’s watchful eyes.

这时，老头一竿打来，骂道：“又来捣乱！”

At this time, the old man’s bamboo pole descended as he scolded, “Here again to cause trouble!”

魏无羡背上刚挨了鞭子，又吃了一竿，“嗷”的一声差点松了手。江澄怒道：“好好说话，干什么动手打人，好心当成驴肝肺！”

Wei Wuxian had just gotten whipped and was now getting hit by a bamboo pole. “Ow!” he yelped, almost losing his grip. Jiang Cheng angrily said, “Speak reasonably. Why are you hitting people? Misunderstanding our good intentions!”

[好心当成驴肝肺 means good heart is seen as a donkey’s liver and lungs. So something good seen as something bad. ]

魏无羡忙道：“没事没事。老……老伯你看清楚，我们不是鬼，这只才是鬼。”

Wei Wuxian quickly said, “No big deal. Old… old uncle, take a closer look. We are not ghouls. This is the ghoul.”

[Technically 你看清楚 is get a clear look but take a closer look works better in english. And it’s the same sentiment! ]

老头道：“废话，我只是老，我又没瞎。还不把它放了！”

The old man said, “No shit! I’m just old, not blind. Let him go!”

[废话 is literally useless speech. It’s basically the rude equivalent of ‘obviously’ so “no shit” it is! ]

魏无羡怔了怔，但见这被他捉住的小水鬼连连作揖，黑眼睛湿漉漉的，一副很可怜的样子，手里还揪着刚才偷的那个大莲蓬舍不得松手。莲蓬掰开了，看来是还没来得及吃几颗，就被魏无羡揪上来了。

Wei Wuxian startled. He watched the little water ghoul in his hand bowing with its hands clasped in front of its body. Its black eyes wet with tears, looking rather pathetic. In its hands the water ghoul still clung onto the large lotus pod it just stole. The lotus pod was broken open but the water ghoul clearly did not have time to eat many lotus seeds before Wei Wuxian dragged him to the surface.

江澄心道这老头简直不可理喻，对魏无羡道：“你别放，咱们把这水鬼抓回去。”

Jiang Cheng thought to himself that the old man was impossible to reason with. He said to Wei Wuxian, “Don’t let it go. We should take the water ghoul home.”

闻言，老头又举起了竹篙，魏无羡忙道：“别打别打，我放它下来就是了。”

Hearing those words, the old man raised the bamboo pole again. Wei Wuxian hurriedly said, “Don’t hit me! Don’t hit me! I’ll let it go!”

江澄道：“别放，万一这水鬼杀人替死怎么办！”

Jiang Cheng said, “Don’t let go. What would we do if the water ghoul kills people?”

魏无羡道：“这水鬼身上没血腥气，他年幼游不出这片水，最近这片水域没说死过其他人，应该是没害过人的。”

Wei Wuxian said, “This water ghoul doesn’t smell like blood. He’s young and cannot leave this section of the lake. Recently there has been no word that people have died in this area. It doesn’t seem like he’s harmed anyone before.”

江澄道：“就算之前没害过，今后也不一定不会……”

Jiang Cheng said, “Even if he hasn’t harmed anyone before, you can’t guarantee that in the future....”

话音未落，竹篙呼呼飞到。江澄吃了一记，大怒：“你这老头不分好歹吗？！知道是鬼不怕被它害了啊！”

Before his words finished, the bamboo pole landed with a whoosh. Jiang Cheng, getting hit, angrily said, “Old man, do you not have a sense of good and evil?! You know it’s a ghoul and you’re not scared of it doing harm?!”

老头也很理直气壮：“一只脚都进棺材的人还怕什么鬼。”

The old man responded with self assurance, “I already have one foot in my own coffin. Why would I be scared of a ghoul?”

魏无羡料想它也跑不远，便道：“别打了别打了，我松手了！”

Wei Wuxian figured it would not be able to run far, so he said, “Stop fighting, stop fighting. I’m letting go.”

他当真松了手，那水鬼哗啦一下蹿到老头船后，似是不敢出来了。

He really let go. The water ghoul slithered behind the old man’s boat, too timid to come out again. 

魏无羡湿淋淋地爬上了船，老头从船上挑了个莲蓬，丢进水里，水鬼不理。老头又挑了个大的，再丢进水中，莲蓬在水面上沉浮几下，忽的半个白脑袋钻出水面，像条大白鱼一般，把两个绿莲蓬叼进水底了。再过一会儿，水面上又浮起一点白色，水鬼把肩和手也露出来，缩在船后，埋头“咯吱咯吱”地吃了起来。

Wei Wuxian climbed back onto the boat soaking wet. The old man picked a lotus pod from his boat and threw it into the water. The water ghoul ignored it. The old man then picked a large lotus pod and threw it into the water. The lotus pod bobbed on the surface a few times. Suddenly, half a white head popped out of the water and dragged the two lotus pods down with its mouth like a large white fish. After a while longer, something white floated to the surface again. The water ghoul curled up behind the boat with its arms and hands above water and ate with noisy gusto. 

众人看它吃得津津有味，不禁纳闷。

Everyone watched, bewildered, as it ate with enthusiasm.

眼看着老头又丢了个莲蓬进水，魏无羡摸了摸下巴，有点不是滋味，道：“老伯，为什么它偷你的莲蓬，你让它偷，还送给它吃。我们偷你的，你就要打？”

Watching the old man throw another lotus pod into the water, Wei Wuxian rubbed his chin, feeling a little upset. He asked, “Old uncle, why do you let it steal your lotus pods? You even gift them to it. But when we steal your lotus pods, you hit us.”

老头道：“它帮我推船，给它几个莲蓬吃吃又有什么？你们这班小鬼？今天偷了几个？”

The old man responded, “It helps push my boat. Giving it a few lotus pods is nothing. You rascals? How many did you steal today?”

众人讪讪，魏无羡眼角一瞄，船肚子里堆了几十个不止，心道不妙，忙道：“走着！”

Everyone became embarrassed. Wei Wuxian glanced at the inside of their boat -- there were at least a few dozen. He knew the situation was going to take a turn for the worse and said, “Go!”

几人当即抄桨，那老头挥舞着竹篙迎面冲来，船行如风，头皮一麻，只觉那竹篙马上就要敲到，连忙撒开四肢，划得要疯了。两艘船绕着一大片莲湖逃了两圈，眼看越追越近，魏无羡已经吃了好几竿子，而且发现竿子只冲着他来，抱头大叫，道：“不公平！为什么只打我！为什么又只打我！”

A few people immediately picked up the oars as the old man charged forward waving his bamboo pole. His boat moved like the wind. The top of the youths’ heads felt a numbness and the foreboding sense of the bamboo pole making impact. They engaged all their limbs and rowed like crazy. The two boats circled the large lotus pond a couple of times, the old man’s boat closing in on the other boat. Wei Wuxian had already been hit a few times and he noticed the bamboo pole was only aimed at him. He hugged his head and yelled, “Too unfair! Why am I the only one getting hit? Why am I the only one getting hit!”

众师弟道：“师兄你顶住啊，都靠你了！”

All the younger disciples said, “Hang in there Shixiong! We’re counting on you!”

江澄也道：“是啊，你好好顶着。”

Jiang Cheng also said, “Yes, you just hang in there.”

魏无羡大怒，“呸！我顶不住了！”他抓了船上一只莲蓬，扔出去道，“接着！”

Wei Wuxian said angrily, “That’s it. I can’t hang in there anymore.” He grabbed a lotus pod from the boat and tossed it out, “Catch!”

[呸 is fairly coarse language.. But idk. It’s just a noise one makes when they want to express derision or being fed up. In ep 1, wwx uses it at madam mo when she wails about her son and he’s like, 呸, he’s old enough to know better. Maybe “f-ck that” but a little less harsh? Since wwx was done here, i just translated it as ‘that’s it’]

那是很大的一只莲蓬，掉落到水里，“咚”地溅起水花。老头的船只果然一顿，那只水鬼欢欢喜喜游过去，捞了莲蓬来吃。

It was a very large lotus pod -- it hit the water with a thud and a large splash. The old man’s boat paused as expected. The water ghoul happily swam over, scooped up the lotus pod, and began eating

趁此机会，莲花坞的船终于得了个空，逃掉了。

Seizing the opportunity, the Lotus Pier boat escaped. 

回去的时候，一名师弟道：“大师兄，鬼能吃出味道吗？”

On the way way back, a younger disciple asked, “Da-shixiong, can ghouls taste flavor?”

魏无羡道：“一般吃不出吧。不过我看这只小鬼，大约是……是……阿……阿嚏！”

Wei Wuxian said, “Usually not. But I think this little ghoul is proba… probab… probably.. Ah… achoo!”

日头落了，风来了，吹一吹，凉意上来了，冷丝丝的。魏无羡打了个喷嚏，揉了揉脸，接着道：“大约是生前想吃莲蓬吃不到，偷偷来摘的时候掉进湖里淹死的。所以……啊……啊……”

The sun had set and the wind picked up, bringing a sense of coolness and chill. Wei Wuxian sneezed, rubbed his face, and continued, “Probably it wanted to eat lotus pods in its past life but could not. When it snuck there to pick some, it fell into the water and drowned. So… ah… ah…”

江澄道：“所以吃莲蓬就是在了执念，会有满足感。”

Jiang Cheng said, “So, eating lotus pods realized its desires, giving it a sense of fulfillment.”

魏无羡道：“唔，对。”

Wei Wuxian agreed, “Uh, right.”

他摸了摸新旧伤交加的后背，还是忍不住把心里的话问出来了：“这可真是千古奇冤，为什么每次一有什么事，永远都只打我？”

He touched his back that was covered in crisscrossing old and new injuries and couldn’t help but voice his thoughts, “But this is such a strange injustice for the ages. Why is it that whenever something happens, I’m always the only one who gets hit?”

一名师弟道：“你最英俊。”

One younger disciple said, “You are the most handsome.”

另一人道：“你修为最高。”

Another said, “You have the highest cultivation.”

再一人道：“你不穿衣服最好看。”

Yet another added, “You look the best naked.”

众人纷纷点头，魏无羡道：“谢谢大家的赞誉，我听得都有点起鸡皮疙瘩了。”

Everyone nodded in agreement. Wei Wuxian said, “Thank you everyone for the praise. Hearing them gives me goosebumps.”

师弟道：“不客气啊大师兄。每次都是你挡在前面，你值得更多呀！”

A younger disciple said, “You’re welcome Da-shixiong. Since you’re the one who blocks hits for us each and every time, you deserve more.”

[每次都是你挡在前面 - (by character) every, instance, all, is, you, block,at, front, facing. Basically every time something comes up, WWX stands out front and takes the hits… ]

魏无羡惊讶道：“哦？还有更多，说来听听。”

Wei Wuxian said, shocked, “Oh? There’s more. Let’s hear it.” 

江澄听不下去了，道：“都住口！再不好好说话，当心我扎穿了船底，一起死了干净。”

Jiang Cheng could not bear hearing more. He said, “Everyone shut up. If you don’t say reasonable things, I just might smash through the bottom of the boat so we all die a clean death.”

这时，途经一片水域，两岸是农田。田里有几名身姿娇小的农女耕作，见他们的小船驶过，奔向水边，远远招呼，道：“哎——！”

At this time, they crossed a section of water with farmland on both sides. In the rice paddies, a few small framed farm girls were plowing. When they saw the boys’ small boat pass by, they ran to the water and waved, “Hey -----!”

众人也“哎”地应了，七手八脚去捅魏无羡：“师兄，叫你呢！人家叫你！”

Everyone responded with a “Hey” and then jabbed Wei Wuxian, “Shixiong, they’re calling you! They’re calling you!”

魏无羡定睛一瞧，果然是他带着头打过交道的，心头霎时乌云退散晴空万里，也站起来挥手招呼，笑道：“什么事！”

Wei Wuxian looked over. Indeed they were people he had led the boys in acquainting. His mood immediately brightened. He stood up, waved, and asked, laughing, “What’s up?”

[心头- heart, 霎时 - suddenly, 乌云- dark clouds, 退散 - receded and scattered, 晴空 - clear skies, 万里- ten thousand li. Beautiful description but “His mood immediately brightened” is equivalent. 什么-what  事-event/business, so colloquially, what’s up? ^^]

小船��水流，农女们在岸边跟着走，边走边道：“你们是不是又去偷莲蓬了！”

The small boat moved with the water current and the farm girls followed on land. They walked and talked, “Did you guys go steal lotus pods again?”

“快说挨了多少下！”

“Quick! Tell us how many times you were hit!”

“还是去药人家的狗啦？”

“Or did you go drug other people’s dog?”

江澄听了几句，恨不得把他一脚踢下船去，痛心疾首：“你这臭名远扬的，真是给咱们家丢脸。”

Jiang Cheng listened for a few sentences and wanted to kick Wei Wuxian off the boat. He said with bitterness, “Your foul reputation has spread so widely. You’ve really lost face for our family.”

魏无羡辩解道：“她们说的是‘你们’，我们一伙儿的好吗，要丢脸也是一起丢脸。”

Wei Wuxian defended himself, explaining, “They said ‘you guys’. We’re all in this together, ok? If we lose face, we lose face together.”

这厢两人正掐着，那头一名农女又喊道：“好吃吗！”

While the two were fighting, the first farmgirl yelled, “Was it yummy?”

魏无羡百忙之中抽空道：“什么？”

Wei Wuxian paused in the middle of fighting, “What?”

[ok, i don’t know why mxtx chose to describe this as 百忙之中抽空  (found some time in the midst of pressing affairs) so i just described what she was trying to describe if that makes sense. I think it’s an unnecessary exaggeration on her part and frankly annoyed me… fighting jc shouldn’t take that much effort. They do it on reflex. this might also be hour 7 or 8 of me translating and my brain is fried but i’m angrily determined to finish lotus extra part 1 tonight. Forgive this loopy angry translator for exercising artistic discretion.]

农女道：“我们送的西瓜，好吃吗！”

The farm girl said, “The watermelons we sent over. Were they good?”

魏无羡恍然大悟，道：“西瓜原来是你们送的啊。很好吃！怎么不送进来坐坐，我们请你们吃茶！”

Wei Wuxian suddenly understood, “The watermelons were from you guys! They were delicious! Why didn’t you come in and visit for a bit? We could have offered you tea!”

那农女嫣然一笑，道：“送去的时候你们不在，放了就走，不敢坐啦。好吃就好！”

The farm girl smiled sweetly.  “When we brought it over, you guys weren’t there. We set them down and left. We dared not stay. Glad they were good!”

魏无羡道：“谢谢！”他从船底捞出几个大莲蓬，道，“请你们吃莲蓬，下次进来看我练剑啊！”

Wei Wuxian said, “Thank you!” He then scooped up a few large lotus pods and said, “Have some lotus pods on us! Next time, come in and watch me practice swords!”

江澄嗤道：“你练剑很好看么？”

Jiang Cheng sneered, “Is your practicing swords attractive?”

[好看 means good + look/watch. It can mean pretty, fun to watch, good for watching, easy on the eyes. Etc. so i picked one… maybe i should’ve used “is your practicing swords worth watching?” but it’s just a slightly different sense? Also, 好看 was used by wwx when lwj offered to carry him after wwx took a zidian whip to his leg and then transferred the curse on jin ling onto the same leg. He asked lwj is a man carrying another man attractive? Or maybe is it something that can be watched without shame? The implications are it would be shameful in that case. In this case JC is just expressing his disapproval for wwx’s flirting. You know? I can see why some people think JC is aro/ace because he doesn’t seem to get this stuff… like AT ALL. ]

魏无羡这么朝岸边丢着莲蓬，抛得老远，落入人手里却是轻轻巧巧的。他抓了几只往江澄胸口塞，搡他：“你愣着干什么，你也赶紧的。”

Wei Wuxian threw the lotus pods towards land. Despite flying a long distance, the lotus pods were light and easy to catch. He grabbed a few more lotus pods and shoved them at Jiang Cheng’s chest, “Why are you doing in a daze? Hurry up!”

江澄被搡了两下，不得已接了，道：“赶紧的什么？”

Jiang Cheng took the lotus pods against his will after getting them shoved at him. “Hurry up and do what?”

魏无羡道：“你也吃了西瓜，还不得给人家回礼啊。来来不要不好意思，都丢起来，丢起来。”

Wei Wuxian said, “You also ate the watermelon. You need to return a gift. Come on, don’t be embarrassed. Everyone, throw! Throw!”

江澄嗤道：“笑话，这有什么不好意思的。”话是这么说，可一船师弟都开始丢得不亦乐乎了，他还没动手。魏无羡又道：“那你丢啊。这次丢了，下次就可以问她们莲蓬好不好吃，又可以搭话了！”

Jiang Cheng sneered, “Funny. What is there to be embarrassed about?” His words were such, but even though all the younger disciples on the boat were gleefully throwing lotus pods, he still had not thrown any. Wei Wuxian said again, “Then throw! If we throw this time, next time we can ask them if the lotus pods were delicious. It’ll be another opportunity for conversation!”

众师弟恍然大悟：“原来如此，受教了，师兄真是经验老道啊！”

All the younger disciples felt enlightened. “So that’s how it is. We are learning! Shixiong is truly experienced!”

[suddenly understood was used by mxtx again. I’m translating it as enlightened due to context. Also, she needs to stop repeating the same phrasing over and over again… ]

“一看就是经常干这种事的！”

“Clearly you do this a lot!”

“哪里哪里，哈哈哈哈……”

“You flatter me, hahahaha….”

[哪里哪里 means where, where; as in where is this compliment coming from? So ‘you flatter me’ is the appropriate way to express this sentiment]

江澄本来要丢的，一听这话瞬间清醒，深觉丢人，剥开一只莲蓬自己吃了起来。

Jiang Cheng was originally going to throw the lotus pod, but acquired clarity upon hearing the conversation. He felt the action was severely embarrassing and broke open a lotus pod for himself to eat instead.

船在水里走，姑娘们在岸上小步追，接着船上少年们抛过来的翠绿莲蓬，沿路跑沿路笑。魏无羡右手搭在眉间，望着这一路风景，笑着笑着，叹了口气。众人道：“大师兄怎么啦？”“妹子们追着你跑还叹气啊？”

The boat moved in the water. The girls scurried along on land, catching the jade green lotus pods tossed over by the youths on the boat, running and laughing all the way. Wei Wuxian’s right hand rested between his brows, watching the scenery pass by. As he smiled, he let out a sigh. Everyone asked, “Da-shixing, what’s wrong?” “Girls are chasing us but you sigh?”

魏无羡把桨扛上肩，嘿道：“没怎么，只是想到我诚心诚意请蓝湛来云梦玩儿，他居然敢拒绝我。”

Wei Wuxian lifted an oar onto his shoulders and smirked, “Nothing much. I’m just thinking about how I sincerely invited Lan Zhan to Yunmeng for a visit, but he actually refused me.”

众师弟竖起大拇指：“哇，不愧是蓝忘机！”

All the younger disciples gave a thumbs up, “Wow. Lan Wangji really deserves his reputation!”

[so for CQL folk, 不愧是蓝忘机 means ‘he’s not Lan Wangji for nothing’ or ‘deserves to be lwj’ but i think ‘deserves his reputation’ is a better translation in context, ok? It’s a sentence structure seen at the end of ep 50 when wwx says to lwj ‘you 不愧是 hanguang-jun’ and lwj responds back ‘you 不愧是 wei ying’. 不 is not and 愧 is ashamed so it means not ashamed to be? Something like that. There’s a chinese Yibo meme where whenever he’s a gremlin or does something impressive, they pop up 不愧是我 next to him. Like, of course i deserve my reputation. There’s a hunxi-guilai post about it so just go look if you’re still confused. I can try to explain more if you lmk what’s confusing?]

魏无羡意气风发地道：“住口！总有一天我要把他拖来，然后把他踹下船去，骗他去偷莲蓬，让老头用竹竿子敲他，让他追在我后面跑，哈哈哈哈……”

Wei Wuxian declared with vigor, “Shut up! One day I will drag him here. And then I will kick him off the boat, deceive him into stealing lotus pods, get the old man to hit him with the bamboo pole, and make him chase after me as I run off, hahahaha...”

[Can i just say how much I LOVE THIS?! Because WWX is one track mind crushing/fixating on LWJ and it just delights me that he wants LWJ to share all his experiences and adventures. It’s so much of I want him to suffer with me, focusing on the WITH ME. and WWX has no idea that’s why he’s so fixated. Aaaaaaaaaah!]

长笑了一阵，他回头，看了看坐在船头一个人板着脸吃莲蓬的江澄，笑容逐渐消失，叹道：“唉，真是孺子不可教也。”

After laughing for a while, he turned his head and looked at the Jiang Cheng who was sitting at the end of the boat grumpily eating lotus pods alone. Wei Wuxian’s smile gradually faded. He sighed and said, “Alas, the child cannot be taught.”

江澄怒了：“我就想自己吃怎么了？”

Jiang Cheng was angered. “So what if I want to eat it myself.”

魏无羡道：“你啊你，江澄。算了，你没救了，你就一辈子自己吃吧！”

Wei Wuxian said, “Oh, you, Jiang Cheng. Whatever, you’re hopeless. You can just eat them yourself for the rest of your life.”

[算了 is like drop it, or let it go. Wwx is saying it to himself so it’s like whatever if whatever were said to jiang cheng.]

总之，偷莲蓬的小船，再一次满载而归。

In short, the small boat that went to steal lotus pods once again returned after a successful journey.

[introvert-celeste]

Peridot and Lapis reconciling over the latter stealing away the farm, and it's just as Pumpkin is starting to die of old age.

I just want you to know that, for as long as it took me to finish this prompt, I never forgot about it. I had such trouble writing this because I’d spent the longest time avoiding the topic of Peridot and Lapis and I still don’t really know how to write their relationship, but I’m happy to say that it’s finally finished! I hope you enjoy!

I was also going to write a sort of epilogue after this, but to summarize: Pumpkin dies, they bury her, and like the melon patches on Mask Island, the seeds from Pumpkin’s body make the gourds we see in SUF.

“Hey Peridot, can we talk?”

Lapis’ voice echoed into the heavy silence of the silo that they called home. It had certainly known happier days, and surely there would be happier days to come, but for now the silence became ever heavier, more profound. It weighed on the both of them, the silence and everything behind it.

It weighed on the both of them, but it affected Peridot most of all. When she wasn’t preoccupied by the various construction projects for Little Homeworld, she was there in the echo chamber of sorrow, watching over her rapidly fading pet. She always feigned her usual confidence, but as Lapis had come to learn over the last year following her return, Peridot was an exceptional actor.

But as the silence weighed heavier on her, it became much harder to hide. As Lapis entered the silo, Peridot found that she could hardly speak. Cradling Pumpkin in her arms—all she did was sleep these days—she simply gestured to the vacant seat beside her. This conversation was long dreaded, but inevitable nonetheless.

Lapis hardly knew where to start, so she let the silence do the talking for her, until finally Peridot was the one to break it.

Softly, she asked, “Is construction progressing at optimal efficiency?”

“The ‘efficiency’ is as ‘optimal’ as it’s gonna get, Dot,” Lapis replied; smiling a bit. “Biz and I built a couple more houses and put some finishing touches on the forge.” Cautiously, she laid a hand on Peridot’s shoulder. “We missed you today.”

Peridot nodded, shying away from her touch.

Lapis sighed, stroking Pumpkin’s soft rind instead. “But that’s not what I wanted to talk about.”

Peridot sighed, as well. “I know.”

Lapis steeled herself, recalling the speech she carefully prepared for this moment, but Peridot was not finished. Careful not to disturb her, Peridot laid Pumpkin between them. Finally, she met her gaze, her eyes filled with a vulnerability, a sadness, Lapis seldom witnessed.

“Uncarved, the average pumpkin lives about ten weeks off the vine before it starts to rot,” She stated matter-of-factly. “and that’s in a controlled environment. Watermelons perish even faster. Remember when I studied the Watermelon Stevens briefly? Their average lifespan is about 6 months.” Her voice hitched as tears filled her eyes. “Pumpkin is two years old and…well…”

“She doesn’t look too good,” Lapis finished, sparing her.

Pumpkin yipped in her sleep. Peridot chuckled, juxtaposing her sadness. “Don’t listen to her, Veggiehead, you’re still the cutest gourd in the galaxy.” Again, she sighed. “2 years is nothing to a gem, but it feels like we’ve known her forever. I don’t think our friendship would be the way it is without her. Lapis, what are we going to do when she’s…gone?”

“Look,” Lapis began. It was her time to speak. “Things have been crazy and I never got the chance to—I mean, I never apologized for the way I treated you. I took you for granted, I disregarded your feelings, and then I just took everything and left. I left.” She shook her head bitterly. “It’s what I do best, I guess. I abandoned you, I literally uprooted everything we’d made together, because I was scared and selfish and I’m so, so sorry. I mean it.” The words flowing from her mouth scared her, but she couldn’t stop them now. “Sometimes, I feel like Pumpkin was the only thing that kept us together, and I’m afraid to think what will happen when she—”

“Does our friendship mean so little to you?!” Peridot exclaimed with sudden fury. “Do you really think it’d fall apart just like that?!”

“That’s not what I meant!” Lapis fired back with matching intensity.

Pumpkin woke just then, whimpering at the noise and cowering into the cushions. Guiltily, Peridot and Lapis stopped the argument as quickly as it began, all fight fading out of them as they fell to comforting their pet. After a while, Pumpkin settled again, cuddling close to her favorite gems as if nothing happened.

At that moment, Lapis turned toward Peridot holding her arms out in invitation, which Peridot accepted without hesitation.

“That’s not what I meant,” Lapis repeated softly, hugging Peridot close. “I guess what I’m trying to say is…I’m still new to this whole friendship thing and I’m scared of messing it up. I’m worried that I’ll mess something up and we won’t have Pumpkin to bond over. You’re the best friend I’ve ever had and I don’t want to lose that. I’m lucky you still want to be friends with me at all after everything I’ve done to you.”

Peridot squeezed her back. “It’s true that Pumpkin is very important to us, but she doesn’t define our friendship. We were friends before her, and there’s a high probability we’ll be friends long after she’s gone. Do you remember when I first tried to befriend you?”

Lapis chuckled bitterly. “Yeah. I was an absolute jerk to you.”

Peridot huffed. “I meant do you know why I tried to be your friend? It’s because I felt like you were the only one who would understand what I was going through, and I had an idea of what you were going through, too. We were both new to Earth life, we both had a hard time adjusting to it, and I just wanted to make your experience a little easier than mine.” Peridot pulled away to look up at her. “See? I’ve always cared about you.” When Lapis hesitated to respond, she persisted. “And I forgive you.”

Lapis hardly knew how to respond. She wanted to say how much that meant to her. She wanted to express how silly she felt, taking so long to realize something so obvious. In the end, all she could do was pull her into another hug, barely holding back the tears.

“Thank you,” was all she could say, and she meant it with all her heart.

[lets-talk-appella]

i’m nobody’s but yours

Chapter 12/25 - Chloe

Summary: Beca is straight as an arrow. 100%, totally, completely straight. Except for one problem that 100%, totally, completely changes everything: Chloe Beale.

Title borrowed from Calum Scott’s “If Our Love Is Wrong.”

Word Count: 4k

Rating: M (for dark themes, homophobia, masturbation, and eventual smut in later chapters)

AO3, FFN, and below.

On the car ride home from what was most definitely the best date of her life, all Chloe can think about it how easy it would be to let herself fall completely, totally, irreversibly in love with Beca Mitchell.

Well. More in love than she already is.

Their time together had been astoundingly perfect. It wasn’t because they’d happened to get lucky with weather and a spectacular sunset; it wasn’t because Beca had thought of everything (except plates and utensils); it wasn’t even because Chloe loves picnics. It was because it was with Beca.

As Beca drives them back home, stereo playing some artist Chloe hasn’t heard of, Chloe watches Beca’s profile, enraptured by the way her lips form the lyrics coming from the radio. Beca’s window is down just a crack and her hair blows in the breeze. It’s rapidly becoming darker outside, but in the glow of the dashboard and with the moonlight outside, Beca looks so beautiful that it makes Chloe’s chest ache.

It’s strange, knowing that she’s allowed to feel like this now. She’s allowed to think about Beca as more than a friend. She’s allowed to touch Beca again, to link their fingers together and have it actually mean more than friendship. She’s allowed to think about holding Beca, kissing her, and being in love with her.

It’s not something she felt she had any right to think about. Until today.

Even before the date, Chloe hadn’t wanted to get her hopes up. Beca had assured her she’s ready to date girls (Chloe still feels bad about saying “no” at first), but Chloe had been prepared for her to change her mind and call the whole thing off.

She’s never been so pleased to have been proven wrong. She could tell Beca was a little on edge at the beginning, nervous around other people and purposely taking her to a quiet area of the park, but the tension had melted away over time. When they’d left, Beca had held her hand all the way back to the car, not seeming to care about the potential of other people seeing them.

Chloe wants to kiss her. More than anything, she wants to kiss her. For years, she’s been dreaming and thinking about what Beca’s lips would taste like – at least until the guilt over those fantasies reappeared.

(If Chloe’s honest with herself, she wants much, much more than to just kiss Beca.)

Still, she wants to go at Beca’s pace. Beca’s comfort with everything they do is her absolute priority. So, she’ll wait. She’ll wait for as long as Beca needs. Even if that means they never do anything more than what they did tonight at the picnic, that’s okay.

Simply holding Beca like that had been bliss. When she held Beca, it was like she’d been holding the world.

Yeah. She’s already completely, totally, irreversibly in love.

Beca pulls into the Bella driveway and parks in Chloe’s usual spot alongside Ashley’s minivan. She rolls up her window, turns off the car, and dangles Chloe’s keys off the tip of her index finger.

“Thanks for letting me drive her to take you on a date,” Beca says with her signature crooked smile.

“Thanks for the date,” Chloe replies, plucking the keys from Beca.

“Anytime.”

“So… you’d want to do it again?”

“Definitely,” Beca answers instantly, then hesitates. “You want to?”

“Totes,” Chloe nods emphatically. “It can be my treat next time.”

Beca grins, looking pleased. “I’d like that.”

They smile at each other, not saying anything. Chloe knows this is the part of the date where people usually kiss, but in this case, she’s not sure what to do.

The same thought seems to have occurred to Beca, too, because her hand rises to rub at the back of her own neck awkwardly at the same time her eyes fall to Chloe’s lips. Chloe’s breath catches in her throat, but she doesn’t move, wanting Beca to dictate the next few minutes.

Which she does, but by clearing her throat and looking away. “Uh, I suppose,” Beca says, resting her hand on the door handle. “We should probably make sure no one’s died or anything in there.”

Hiding her disappointment, Chloe nods quickly and opens her own car door, not wanting Beca to feel any more awkward about the situation than she already seems to. Reaching into the backseat, she grabs the picnic basket and some of the many blankets (is that a flashlight? Beca really was extra prepared) to carry inside the house. On the driver’s side of the car, Beca grabs her own armful of picnic equipment and together, they haul it into the Bella house.

As soon as the front door swings open, Chloe’s nose is assaulted with a torrent of alcohol fumes; their house reeks like a seedy bar. Empty bottles cover the kitchen table, and pineapple, watermelon, and orange rinds fill the garbage can. Rainbow Pride flags have materialized and are strewn haphazardly along the walls, draped over the staircase handrail, and are wrapped around Jessica, Emily, and Flo as blankets for where they sleep on the couch.

“Oh… my… god,” Beca breathes as they walk through the front door. She looks around for a clear space to set down the picnic things but has to settle for nudging aside some bottles to clear a space on the table for it all. Chloe winces at the almost guaranteed stickiness of the table but does the same with the basket in her arms.

Now that they’re in the kitchen, Chloe can hear a pounding bass coming from deep within the house. By the way she can feel the vibrations in her feet, she guesses everyone else still partying must be in the basement.

Sure enough, seconds later, footsteps sound on the stairs and the door to the basement swings open, spewing forth Amy, several additional empty bottles, and the full volume of the throbbing music.

“Oh, hi, Bhloe!” Amy greets them enthusiastically. “Wanna join? There’s a party for the ghosts downstairs.”

“Amy, what the hell did you do to the house?” Beca asks, having to shout over the music.

“Uh. Ummmmmm.”

“You know what?” Beca cuts her off. “I don’t want to know.”

“Suit yourself,” Amy shrugs, setting the empty bottles down on the floor and pulling more vodka out of the kitchen cabinet. She winks theatrically at Chloe, then turns back to head downstairs.

“Mom and Dad are back!” Amy yells as she starts down the stairs, resulting in a chorus of mingled cheers and boos. The door slams behind her, instantly muffling the voices and music.

Beca rolls her eyes and looks at Chloe in exasperation.

“That seems fun,” Chloe can’t resist teasing, making Beca narrow her eyes.

“Don’t even think about it,” she says. “But, uh, do you want to come upstairs? Looks like we’ll have my room to ourselves.”

Chloe pauses at the suggestion. “Uh –”

Beca’s eyes widen in panic. “Oh!” she says, “no, not – I meant for – like Netflix or something, not – no.”

Chloe takes pity on her and cracks a smile. “It’s okay, don’t freak! I knew what you meant,” she assures, trying not to laugh.

Beca glares at her. “Oh my god, don’t do that to me,” she huffs. “I changed my mind. Uninvited.”

“Oh, but –” Chloe puts on her best pout, jutting out her lower lip and making her eyes huge. She knows Beca can never resist when she does that.

They have a staring contest: Chloe, unblinking, trying to look as miserable as possible while Beca stands there, hands firmly on her hips and attempting to hold a poker face. Chloe makes her eyes even wider, pushes her lip out further, and –

“Fine,” Beca grumbles. “Come on, then.”

Chloe grins happily and reaches to intertwine their fingers, a spark traveling up her spine when Beca’s thumb traces over the back of her hand. They go up the stairs together – if a little awkwardly, from the hand-holding – and arrive at Beca’s door. Beca opens it, gesturing Chloe ahead of her grandly, and Chloe takes the last few steps up and into the attic bedroom, hearing Beca close the door and follow.

Up here, they can’t hear any sounds of the rave happening in their basement. Chloe glances around, smiling a little at the mess of laptop and mixing equipment strewn across Beca’s desk. Beca’s side of the room is neater than Amy’s, but not by a lot, with jeans and Converse littering the floor. The bed is made, though, and when Chloe sits on the edge of it, she can smell the light floral scent of Beca’s perfume.

“So, what do you want to watch?” she asks when Beca grabs her laptop from the desk.

“Uh, up to you,” Beca says, opening up the laptop and booting it up with a whir as she sits beside Chloe on the bed.

“Uh, maybe…” Chloe thinks, then asks, “Have you seen Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt yet?”

“Nope,” Beca replies, settling back against her pillow, propped up against the headboard. “Comedy?”

“Yeah,” Chloe replies, joining her against the headboard so their legs stretch out over Beca’s comforter. “I think you’ll like it.”

“I’ll trust you,” Beca grins at her sideways, then starts the show.

Chloe tries to focus on the episode, but she’s already seen it so she knows what’s going to happen, and her attention span isn’t helped at all by the way that – because Beca’s bed is kind of small – Beca’s side is pressed against hers. And, really, it would be way more comfortable if she could put her arm over Beca’s shoulders, but she’s not sure they’re there yet even though she can feel every breath Beca takes against her side.

And yet. Despite the sharp awareness of Beca’s proximity, Chloe is struck by how normal this feels. It could be any other night with Beca, but now with the barest electric undercurrent running between them. Apart from that, it’s simply her and Beca, Beca and her, like always.

With one tiny difference.

When Chloe looks sideways, she meets the determined deep blue of Beca’s eyes.

“I could hear you thinking,” Beca whispers.

Chloe doesn’t – can’t – reply. Beca is so close that all it would take is just a fraction of movement from both of them. A lean, a tilt, and they’d be there, kissing.

Something settles deep within her chest.

“Chlo…”

Everything else in the world disappears. Every past worry, fear, and insecurity melts into nothing as Chloe looks at Beca and Beca looks at Chloe. The bedroom fades away around them, until even the laptop cradled on Beca’s legs, still playing the episode, ceases to exist.

Beca’s eyes flick down to her lips, and stay there.

Chloe’s eyes drop, too.

Beca’s tongue pokes out, just briefly, to soften her own lips.

Chloe’s hands twitch.

She’s not sure who leans forward first. It doesn’t really matter, she supposes. All that matters is that they’re getting closer and closer, and now she can feel Beca’s breath ghosting over her face, and they’re so, so close to touching.

Chloe closes her eyes.

Bang!

The door to the bedroom is flung open with enough force to shake the walls. Beca jerks back so violently it looks like she’s received an electric shock; she almost falls off the bed, but Chloe catches her arm at the same time Beca grabs her laptop protectively, and crisis is averted.

Footsteps on the stairs and a loud, drunken, “Beca, have you seen my orange boots? I have to teach Legacy something,” announces Amy’s arrival into the room, as if the thundering of the door opening hadn’t.

“Um, no, I –” Beca’s flustered, her face pink, her eyes darting wildly around the room without once landing on Chloe.

Maybe that’s okay, Chloe thinks. She wouldn’t want Beca to see the disappointment that’s probably clear in her eyes.

Amy makes her way fully into the room, eyes searching the floor, not even looking over at Beca’s side of the room. Hastily, Beca and Chloe reposition themselves so they’re sitting several inches apart on the bed, laptop between them, and legs dangling over the sides.

Nope, nothing to see here, Chloe thinks wildly as she does her best to rearrange her expression to one of Platonic Friendship rather than mild sexual frustration.

“Hm, I really need – oh! There they are!” Amy crows in triumph, reaching behind her bed to extract the pair of violently orange knee-high boots Chloe has only ever seen her wear at the disco-themed bar downtown.

“Great,” Beca deadpans. “I’m glad you found them.”

Amy glances over at the tone, her expression clearing when her eyes focus on Chloe.

“Oh, hi, Chloe, didn’t see you in here,” Amy says, then fixes them with a serious stare. “You two lovebirds stay off my bed, yeah?”

“Hi, Amy,” Chloe greets her over the sound of Beca’s groan.

“Listen, Beca,” Amy continues, “you remember the time you bet you could twerk better than me?”

“Uh –”

“You were drunk,” Amy reminds her bluntly.  “Well, now’s the time to prove it. Come on, Short Stuff, there’s no getting out of this one.”

Beca looks to Chloe desperately, and Chloe knows she shouldn’t find this funny – they’d just been interrupted before what could have been the best moment of her life – but the whole thing is so completely ridiculous that she can’t stop her lips from twitching in amusement.

“It’s okay,” she assures Beca, “I should call my parents, anyway. It’s been a while.” Besides, if she’s lucky, someone (probably Stacie) will obtain video evidence of Amy and Beca twerking for her to laugh at later.

On the other side of the room, Amy has resumed digging behind her bed, possibly in search of other neon clothing.

“Oh, right,” Beca says quietly, looking down at her laptop between them. “Are you going to tell your parents about…” she trails off and looks up, gesturing between them.

“I – if that’s okay with you?” Chloe asks uncertainty. It hadn’t occurred to her to not tell her parents about going on the date. “I mean, they – well, my mom – already kind of knows… how I feel about you?”

Beca blinks, her eyebrows raising. “She does?”

“Don’t sound so amazed,” Chloe teases, knocking her shoulder into Beca. “Yeah, I told her about it. It’s been... a while,” she smiles, trying to soften it.

“And… she – and your dad – they’re okay with it? With us?”

Chloe’s heart stutters over the word “us,” but she tries to play it cool.

“They’re more than okay with us,” she replies sincerely. “They love you, and they want me to be happy. And,” Chloe leans forward, a thrill shooting down her spine when Beca’s eyes again drop to her lips. “They know you make me happy.”

She pulls back to a more appropriate distance for having Amy in the room, and watches Beca’s expression turn pleased.

Beca looks pleased, if a little embarrassed. “Well,” she huffs. “I’m only sorry it took this long.”

“Oh, no, Bec, no! I didn’t mean –” Chloe frowns at the change in mood. With a glance at Amy (who has reemerged from behind the bed and is making for the stairs), she says softly, “I wouldn’t change a thing. Really. It’s okay. Don’t ever feel bad about it.”

Beca searches her face almost cautiously. “Really?”

“Yes.”

Beca’s expression relaxes gradually, a small smile eventually breaking out to erase the tension. Chloe breathes easier, relieved the awkwardness had passed. She can’t stop herself from glancing again at Beca’s lips.

Then, Amy causes a slight distraction by falling down the stairs noisily.

“Amy!” Beca and Chloe shriek simultaneously, shooting up from the bed to see if she’s okay.

Luckily, the flight of stairs into the bedroom is very short; before either of them can get down to her, Amy pops up holding her orange boots and what appear to be Moon Shoes.

“Crushed it,” she says proudly.

“Oh my god,” Beca stares. “What in the actual hell –”

“That’s the spirit!” Amy interrupts. “Let’s go, Twerk Girl!”

And with that, she turns and heads to the second-floor landing. Beca turns to Chloe in exasperated amazement, but Chloe can tell she’s trying to hold back a laugh.

“Your drunken bet is calling you,” Chloe teases, tucking an errant strand of Beca’s hair behind her ear before starting down the stairs. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“I – okay. Thanks for the date!” Beca calls as Chloe makes her way down the stairs.

Chloe waves over her shoulder and smiles, already thinking of how excited her mom is going to be when she hears the news.

***************

“Jesse! Where is Beca? I thought she was gonna be with you tonight?”

She hates speaking to him. She really, truly does. He’s so annoying, with his huge, dumb puppy eyes and overeager smile. She hates that Beca chose that over her, and hates that every time she sees him, she’s reminded anew that he gets to hold Beca, gets to kiss and touch her.

He gets to sleep with her.

She hates speaking to him because she’s forced to acknowledge that he’s real and present and Beca chose him instead of her.

She knows (or at least, imagines) that he can tell. She’s seen the way he watches her when she’s with Beca, his eyes full of mistrust. She always touches Beca more then, pulls her closer, does anything she can to keep Beca’s attention on her instead of on the idiot she’s dating.

In her darkest moments, she despises Beca for it, but then that fades quickly. She could never stay angry at Beca.

“I thought she was with you?” Jesse asks, confused.

Christ, he doesn’t even know where his girlfriend is, or who she’s with. God, she’d love for Beca to cheat on him, just once, so he knows what it feels like to be second place in Beca’s heart. But Beca would never, and in the next instant, Chloe is disgusted with herself for thinking like that, and for hoping for their relationship to be torn apart in such a way.

God, she’s the worst best friend.

“I thought she was with you?” Chloe asks, equally confused.

The worst part about it is that she sees aspects of herself in Jesse. They’re so similar. It’s annoying, and it makes her cringe, but Chloe knows that in a lot of ways, she is just like him. Not in appearance, but in personality: bubbly, enthusiastic, lover of a cappella, and hopelessly in love with Beca Mitchell.

There are really only two differences between them.

One: Jesse tries to change Beca, while Chloe sees she’s perfect as is.

Two: Jesse gets to date Beca, while Chloe does not.

They’re more similar than they are different, but Beca could only choose one of them.

Chloe lost.

***************

The phone rings three times before her mom answers slightly breathlessly. “Hello? Hi, sweetie, how’s it going?”

“Uh – were you running?”

“What? Oh, no, actually, your father wanted to try some of that – Eric, what was it?” Cheryl calls into the house.

“Pilates yoga!” Chloe’s dad’s voice calls clearly from the background.

“Pilates yoga,” Cheryl repeats.

“Right,” Chloe replies, smiling at the ceiling from where she sprawls on her bed.

“Oh, while I’m thinking of it,” Cheryl says abruptly, “we should set up a time to come get some of your things from the house.”

“My things? We don’t move out until August.”

“I know that, but it’ll be better to take some small stuff now and save room in the car later.”

“Okay,” Chloe agrees, unease at the looming deadline churning her insides.

“Um, so, how’ve you been?” Cheryl changes the subject, maybe sensing the shift in mood. “I saw the news this morning. It’s fantastic!”

It takes Chloe a second; the passage of the marriage equality law seems like years ago rather than hours.

“Oh, yeah, thanks!” she says happily, a fresh wave of excitement tingling through her chest at the memory. “It’s pretty cool.”

By the pause that follows, Chloe can tell that her mom expects her to say more about it, but Chloe doesn’t; she really just wants to talk about Beca.

“You okay, honey?” Cheryl asks shrewdly. “Normally, you’d be over the moon over something like this.”

Chloe draws her lower lip between her teeth, trying to contain her excitement enough to get the story out. She rolls over to her stomach, resting on her elbows.

“More than okay, Mom. It’s… the best thing happened!”

“What?”

“Beca asked me on a date!”

Chloe holds her breath, waiting for her mom to say something, like maybe congratulate her or start asking a million questions. Instead, she’s met with silence.

Then more silence.

Until –

The volume and pitch of the noise coming from her phone is unprecedented. It makes Chloe jerk it away from her ear, trying desperately to protect herself from hearing loss brought on by her mother’s deafening squeal of excitement.

“She did?! Oh my god! Chloe, tell me everything right now! When? How? What are you going to do on this date? Are you sure it’s a date? I know you said she wasn’t straight anymore, but are you sure? I don’t want to pry but –”

“Woah, Mom, slow down for a sec!” Chloe cuts her off with a laugh. “Hang on!”

On the other end, Cheryl chuckles and takes a quick breath. “Sorry, but I’m really excited for you! Eric, come here! Chloe, honey, just wait for your dad, he’ll want to hear, too.”

Chloe rolls her eyes playfully, waiting until she hears her dad’s voice. There’s movement on the line, and Cheryl’s voice calls back, sounding further away.

“You’re on speaker! So, you wanna tell us about it?”

With a wide smile, Chloe tells her parents about going to the gay bar (leaving out the girls who’d hit on Beca), about Beca asking her on a date once they were outside, how she’d originally said no (“Oh, honey…” Cheryl sighs), but then had said yes after listening to what Beca had to say. And, yes, she assures her mom, Beca is definitely something other than straight and wants to date women.

“Okay, so when will this date be?” Eric asks once Chloe has explained everything.

“Well, it already… kind of... happened?” Chloe replies, knowing her parents are going to want more or less a play-by-play of the picnic.

“Why am I the last to know these things?!” Cheryl groans. “Spill!”

Clearing her throat, Chloe launches into another explanation, this time giving out the details on the sort of spur-of-the-moment picnic, the food, missing plates, and the sunset. She skirts over what it had felt like to hold Beca in her arms, because she wants that memory to be hers, and hers alone.

“... and then, we went back home and watched some Netflix in her room together.”

“That sounds like a wonderful date, honey. Very you.”

Yeah,” Chloe sighs happily. “She gets me.”

Eric snorts. “Even if she forgot the plates.”

“Yeah, well. That part is very Beca.”

“Careful, there. You’re sounding pretty smitten,” Cheryl warns.

“What are you, a hundred years old?” Chloe laughs, trying to deflect. If her mom knew exactly how “smitten” she is after just one date, their talk would quickly take a more serious turn.

“I’m just saying, sweetie. It’s the early stages. Don’t get ahead of yourself.”

“I know. But Beca is – always has been – different. You know that. I… it would be so easy to just…”

Chloe stops her rambling, wincing at giving herself away.

“It sounds like it,” her mom says. “But, hon, keep in mind that Beca’s still a little new to this. And... I know we always supported you and never had to really talk about liking girls, but from what you’ve told me, I don’t think Beca had quite that same experience growing up.”

Cheryl pauses, as if collecting her thoughts, then continues, “If she hasn’t told her family yet, well, that’s something you two are going to have to talk about sooner or later, so… be prepared for that.”

“And other challenges,” Eric adds.

Chloe doesn’t know quite what to say to that. It catches her off guard; she hasn’t thought about that yet, too focused on how perfect their evening had been.

“Anyway. Enough of that,” Cheryl says, tone lightening. “The real question is… what are you going to do for the next date?”

Chloe smiles broadly into the phone, shoving her worries about Beca’s family away. That’s a different problem for a different day.

“I already have a plan…”

[forkfridge91-blog]

Simply Vibrant, Our New Cookbook!

It’s been around three years since we started working on this cookbook, so finally telling you about it today feels monumental, exhilarating, and terrifying all at the same time. Our new cookbook is called Simply Vibrant: All-Day Vegetarian Recipes for Colorful Plant-Based Cooking, and it’s available for pre-order now! It’s written by me, Anya, and photographed by Masha – the same mother/daughter team that’s behind this blog. Today, we are sharing some key details about the book, accompanied by a book trailer (above), sneak peak photos and ways to pre-order. We’ll also be talking about the pre-order bonus recipe bundle, which is a free gift that we created for anyone who pre-orders the book. SO excited to share all of this with you :)

About the Book

— Simply Vibrant will be released on February 6th, 2018, but it’s available for pre-order now. Anyone who pre-orders the book will have access to a free bonus recipe bundle, consisting of 10 brand new, plant-based recipes, which won’t be published anywhere else. Just save your receipt! This is our way of thanking you for your support :) More on the bonus below.

— There are 129 recipes in the book, all of which are vegetarian, 124 of them are vegan, and 109 of them are gluten-free or gluten-free adaptable. My goal was to create healthful, everyday recipes that require accessible, whole food ingredients – mainly vegetables, fruit, herbs, spices, grains, and legumes. The recipes are very much influenced by the seasons, too. Our hope is that you’ll be able to find whatever good-looking produce you picked up at your market or store in the index of the book, and get some ideas on preparing it.

— I used comfort food classics from around the world as inspiration for the recipes in the book, which also influenced the book’s organization. The chapters are as follows:

Morning Porridges and Pancakes – this chapter contains breakfast recipes for every season, both savory and sweet.

Salads and Bowls – this one has a grain bowl recipe for every season, as well as plenty of vibrant salads for every occasion.

Wraps and Rolls – this chapter celebrates the wrapping techniques seen in cuisines all around the world. There are recipes for summer rolls, enchiladas, burritos, maki (sushi), collard green wraps, and more.

Soups and Stews – the recipes in this chapter range from hearty winter stews to refreshing and light summer soups.

Risotto, Paella and Pilaf – for this chapter, I took the format of well-loved rice dishes from around the world, and reinvented them with the use of different vegetables and grains (there are even a couple of completely grain-free risottos!).

Noodles, Pasta and Pizza – this one is all about the coziest foods out there, reimagined to be more vegetable-forward – there are recipes for homemade pasta and dumplings, but also for noodles and pizza crusts made with vegetables.

Fritters and Veggie Burgers – this chapter has a veggie burger recipe for every season, as well as plenty of lacy, plant-packed fritters.

Just Veggies – this chapter is here to prove that seasonal vegetables only need a simple nudge to taste amazing – there are techniques for marinating, pickling, braising, stewing, and glazing that will take your produce to the next level.

Sweets for Every Season – the title of this chapter speaks for itself – there are brownies, galettes, pies, cakes, and pots de creme, made with unrefined sweeteners, fruit, and even some vegetables.

Basics and Sauces – a foundational chapter, which will supply you with ammunition for creating vibrant meals quickly – from mind-blowing sauces to broth that will cost you $0 in extra groceries.

— I’ve been thinking a lot about the amount of waste we produce as humans, and I’ve been working on developing techniques for using up all parts of the produce I buy. I present some of these ideas in this book, from the aforementioned veggie scrap broth, to a watermelon rind marmalade, broccoli stem risotto, and more.

— The introduction has a story about my shoemaker grandfather, which has basically become folklore in our family. I was very excited to immortalize it in a book.

— If you have our first cookbook, The Vibrant Table, this book is a follow-up to that. While The Vibrant Table focused on creativity in plant-based cooking, Simply Vibrant is much more focused on the everyday. It’s all about putting breakfast, lunch and dinner on the table.

— The book is 328 pages long, hardcover, and 7.5″ x 10″ in size. Every recipe is accompanied by a beautiful photograph, with the exception of a few sauces.

Praise

Here are some kind words we’ve heard about the book from people and publications we greatly admire.

“Simply Vibrant captures the kind of accidentally-vegetarian food we want to eat right now.”

—Bon Appetit

“Simply Vibrant is intuitively organized and brilliantly executed. It illustrates how many of us are striving to eat these days: crave-able, template-style recipes with seasonal touches, simple techniques, and an underlying nourishing essence that reads as encouraging, rather than prescriptive. Anya’s approach starts with a deep-rooted reverence for what nature provides in all of its seasons—and in all of its sometimes neglected or wasted forms. The thoughtful uses for carrot tops, chickpea soaking liquid, and barley cooking water—like the rest of the book’s delicious plant-based recipes—speak to both virtue and pure enjoyment. This book inspires me to cook (and live!) with a deeper sense of care and appreciation.”

—Laura Wright, author of The First Mess Cookbook

“Anya’s approach to food and the seasons always stands out as creative, inventive, and colorful. Simply Vibrant contains an abundance of inspiring recipes and clever tricks to add more nourishment and adventure to your everyday meals.”

—Amy Chaplin, James Beard award-winning author of At Home in the Whole Food Kitchen

“Anya has the incredible ability to inspire her readers to cook, but more importantly, she helps them tap into their own intuition to create delicious meals in a more relaxed way. I love her emphasis on seasonality, and her creative approach to leaf-to-root cooking, using every ingredient to its fullest potential without wasting a single seed! This recipe collection is bursting with global flavors, unique ingredient combinations, and of course, vibrancy on the highest level.”

—Sarah Britton, holistic nutritionist and author of My New Roots and Naturally Nourished   “We are longtime fans of Golubka Kitchen and Anya’s creative and beautiful plant-based recipes. Her new book is jam-packed with healthy, flavorful, and simple recipes and lots of interesting suggestions on how to cook with the odds and ends of produce that usually are discarded—like making marmalade from watermelon rinds and risotto using broccoli stems. So clever!”

—David Frenkiel and Luise Vindahl, creators of the blog Green Kitchen Stories

“Exciting, vegetable led food.”

— Anna Jones, author of A Modern Way to Cook, A Modern Way to Eat and columnist for The Guardian

“What made me want to cook from Simply Vibrant is its more relaxed approach to plant-based cooking”

—Toronto Star

Pre-Order

Here’s where you can pre-order Simply Vibrant. Many of these outlets are selling the book at a discounted price while it’s still in the pre-order stages.

Amazon Barnes & Noble Roost Powell’s IndieBound Book Depository (ships worldwide for free) Amazon Canada Indigo

Pre-Order Bonus Recipe Bundle

To show our immense gratitude to anyone who pre-orders the book, we made a little thank you gift in the form of a free Bonus Recipe Bundle PDF. It’s sort of like a mini e-cookbook, complete with 10 brand-new, plant-based recipes that won’t be published anywhere else. The style of the recipes is very similar to that of the recipes in the actual book – everyday meals to make your home cooking more delicious and vibrant. Click here for instructions on how to claim your pre-order bonus and see a preview of the recipes within.

Thank You

This book only exists because of this blog, and this blog exists because of you – your support, kindness, and curiosity in visiting this space, cooking from our recipes, and reading our stories. Seriously, none of this would be here without YOU. So thank you! Truly, from the bottom of our hearts.

– Anya and Masha

Source: http://golubkakitchen.com/simply-vibrant-our-new-cookbook/

[placetobenation]

Happy Independence Day to all! It goes without saying that yours truly is a man of traditions and there is no tradition greater than stuffing your face with hot dogs at a rapid pace during a summer cookout, meaning the Nathan’s Famous Hot Dog Eating Contest is as peak tradition as it gets. And I love reviewing it each and every year! As usual, we are deep inside the ass end of Brooklyn on Coney Island where the festivities occur each and every year at the original home of Nathan’s Famous.

We open things up with a red hot opening video package narrated by the King, George Shea, highlighting Joey Chestnut and his quest for a record setting 10th victory as well as his two top contenders for the contest. Let’s get it on! We open with Paul Page running down the history of the contest and what lies ahead of us tonight in both the men’s and women’s competition. 1,500 hot dogs and buns have been grilled up for today, but that is just a fraction of the mind boggling 150 million dogs that will be consumed throughout the country on its 241st birthday. As you know, last year Chestnut set the world record by ingesting and digesting 70 dogs, topping his previous best of 69. That mother fucker can eat.

Page tells us Chestnut has also hit 73 dogs in a local qualifier and wants to go even higher than that. He then brings in his cohost Rich Shea to officially kick off the show and Shea compares Chestnut’s dominance to other great legends in sports. They remind us that Matt Stonie is the only man to beat Joey in the last ten years and is always a threat, as is upstart Carmen Cincotti. Paul then welcomes in Melanie Collins, who is working the sidelines for the third year in a row. Just in case you forgot what Miss Collins looks like…

… there you go. However, as is the norm, we must stop to pay tribute to our favorite Nathan’s Famous sideline reporter of all time. The First Lady of Processed Meat Consumption Contests, the gorgeous Renee Herlocker.

Where have you gone, Renee? Come back to savor our salty, meaty goodness just one more time! Anyway, Melanie is with Joey, who is excited and happy to be here in great weather and in front of a great crowd. In these conditions he feels he can do some real damage but you never know when the body can toss you a curveball. Always humble.

After a break, we head to a some clips of Rich Shea visiting the boardwalk over the weekend to talk to folks about the contest, ask some trivia and some drop knowledge on American history. He even ponders which legendary historical figure could have won a hot dog eating contest back in 1776…

The segment was fine enough but dammit I miss Sports Science so much. That shit was entertaining AND educational! We then head to another video package that has a look as Joey Chestnut’s long road back to regaining his title and happiness after a loss and tough stretch of life in 2015. The most interesting stuff here is when he talks about retraining himself and learning about his mouth and jaw muscles. He expects to hit between 75 and 82 today and getting to a tenth title is really important to him. Here is a look at some stats that prove what a legend he is:

After a commercial, it is time for our women’s contest. We hear from the reigning champion Miki Sudo, who is looking for an unprecedented fourth straight title and breaks down some of the competition she will be facing this afternoon. We then get clips of the contest, which occurred about 30 minutes ago. The battle was fast and furious as always, but after struggling early, Sudo outlasted Sonia Thomas and Michelle Lesko to grab that record breaking fourth straight mustard strap. Good for you Miki Sudo. Lesko was red hot to open up but started paying way too much attention to Sudo and it cost her. Also, we had a little controversy as the official had Sudo at 36 but she made him count her plates and proved out that she actually knocked back 41 dogs! Beast.

Michelle chats with Miki, who says she was more prepared than ever and is thankful for the support she receives. She talks about the minor controversy but was confident in how much she had eaten and worried about it after the bell. She puts over her friend Lesko as well, saying they practice together at home as well. Miki forever!

As we continue to push new stars, we get a spotlight package on Carmen Cincotti from New Jersey. Carmen has eaten 1,000 hot dogs since May to prep for this event. Cincotti grew up idolizing Joey Chestnut but feels he has to take him down and win the Mustard Belt before Joey retires or else any titles he wins won’t mean as much. Melanie is with ex champ Matt Stonie and he talks about how great Joey is and how he is feeling great and is ready to compete. The Bunettes arrive and dance for the crowd as we thank Randy Watts, the VP of Nathan’s that is retiring this year and also give some final preparatory comments as George Shea is gearing up for the most epic part of the day: his competitor introductions.

As always, I can in no way do this justice… you need to watch and marvel for yourself. As George Shea spits gold, here are your competitors for the 2017 Nathan’s Famous Hot Dog Eating Contest:

Pedram Esmaeelzadeh (Fitness enthusiast that loves all exercise… except for all kinds of exercise that Shea lists)

Matthew “Sweet Tooth” Cohen (First appearance at Coney Island, specializes in candy and pies, qualified in Louisville)

Juan Neave (A rookie that qualified in San Antonio)

Derek Jacobs (Another rookie, but he stands 6’5″ and is into weightlifting)

“Buffalo” Jim Reeves (Reigning pork rind and watermelon eating champion and a chicken wing specialist)

Pablo Martinez (His spirit animal is a bologna sandwich and has knocked down 25 dogs and buns in the past)

Josh Miller (Ranked #18 in the world and qualified in Denver)

Brian “Dud Light” Dudzinski (The moon pie champion of Pennsylvania and is in absurdly good shape for this)

Juan “More Bite” Rodriguez ( Loves manscaping and personal training; has eaten 68 tacos in six minutes)

Erik “The Red” Denmark (Qualified in St. Louis and is the world shrimp eating champion)

Rich “The Locust” LeFevre (“There is more of his past than there is of his future”; oldest competitor ever at age 73; big spam guy)

Steve Hendry (#19 in the world)

Adrian “The Rabbit” Morgan (Oyster eating champion,has event 20 hard boiled eggs in 84 seconds)

Yasir Salem (Cannoli eating champion; #12 in the world; has eaten 47 ears of sweet corn)

AND YES IT IS THAT TIME! GEORGE RAPS OUT ERIC “BADLANDS” BOOKER!

The fucking best. Go watch it. It is amazing.

Eric “Badlands” Booker (The fucking man)

Gideon Oji (The kale eating champion of the world; 6’9″ tall)

Darron Breeden (Rookie ranked #17 in the world; has eaten 38 hot dogs and buns)

Geoffrey Esper (Teacher with a grad degree in physics; pepperoni roll world champion; has eaten 51 dogs and buns)

Carmen Ciccotti (Has eaten 53 dogs and buns, most by any non-Chestnut contestant; “his dream is to crush your dream”; known as “The Mutiny”; defeated Joey Chestnut in the bratwurst world championship)

Matt “Megatoad” Stonie (130sh pounds and former Nathan’s Famous World Champion, the only man to beat Chestnut in the last decade)

And it is time for our Champion, who gets an epic introduction, as you would expect…

Joey “Jaws” Chestnut (The GOAT)

Again… no Tim “Eater X” Janus this year? Where did he go? Where could he be?

And of course, we always pause to ensure we never forget Jeff Machado (Most slices of pizza eaten during one period of playoff hockey in 2013)

We take a break to let that all settle and after that commercial we get one last hype package for Nathan’s and the contest… from the perspective of the bun. Melanie then drops a bit of science on us, letting us know that the average stomach is the size of a nerf football and can expand by about 15% of its size. While most people work on a 2,000 calorie diet, last year Chestnut banged down 27,000 calories in ten minutes! That is fucking insane. Chestnut is confident that his max would be 90 dogs, if no shot clock were involved.

After that, George Shea officially counts us down and we are under way! The dogs and buns are flying and the calories are quickly piling up as Stonie and Salem are hanging with Chestnut out of the gate. Shea reminds us that this is the greatest event of the summer and Chestnut is the great unifier. We are less than a minute in and Chestnut has already doubled up Stonie is on pace for 11 dogs per minute, which is huge. Shea breaks down the ingestion of the dogs as Chestnut is cruising with his efficient delivery system. Cincotti finally moves into second place but is still five or so dogs back as we tick past the second minute. Ester passes Cincotti as Chestnutt is just on fire, reaching the 25 mark with around 7:40 to go. Esper is legit, putting back 51 in the qualifier but Shea says if he passes Stonie, it would be a shock. Cincotti is within three as we hit three minutes in and Stonie is now 13 back. Chestnut is at 35 with 6:30 to go and it looks like he is going to easily romp to this tenth title. Shea reminds us of what was going down in pop culture back in 2007 when Chestnut won his first title.

As we tick under 6:00, Melanie checks in to talk about Chestnut’s pacing and says if he gets to 48sh or so at the 5:00 mark, he can smash the record. Chestnut is currently on pace for 88 dogs with 5:30 to go and actually passes that as he hits 46 halfway through. Cincotti is only six back, hanging around and holding a ten dog lead over Stonie.

Shea talks about how Cincotti has been trolling Chestnut on Twitter and he is certainly hanging in here. He also talks about how Stonie is favoring his left side as he labors through this. Joey’s pacing has slowed but he is still killing it, checking in at 57 dogs at the three minute mark. Shea says a tenth championship for Chestnut would be the biggest story of the year and Joey is at 62 with two minutes left to go. Cincotti has stayed within shouting distance, God bless him. Stonie is 20 back, he is looking more and more like a flash in the pan at this point. As we hit the final minute, Chestnut is at 66 and has a shot at the world record of 73.5! Things get tense as Chestnut chokes down the salted meat and the crowd is chanting him on to at least top the Nathan’s record of 70. He hits it at :10… and then forces down two more to easily pass his record that he set last year! That’s a lot of sodium.

Cincotti ended up finishing second with 60 dogs, a strong as hell performance. Stonie hung on for third but was way back, finishing 24 out of first. Good night the lights for you, Matt Stonie!

And my Lord, look at this list of great champions throughout all of sports! Chestnut is a true legend.

George Shea officially crowns Chestnut with his tenth Mustard Championship and a Nathan’s Famous record. What a moment. The electricity is crackling, Shea’s voice is cracking and the crowd is going bananas. History has been made once again here in Coney Island. Melanie squeezes her way in and chats with Chestnut, who puts over his competition and the weather but says he still came up a little short of his goal. He also says he was sweating like a “mad dog”… how did he know I was going to use that picture above? This guy does it all. He says he treats this like a sport and it isn’t just going to a buffet. He constantly is improving and makes his body work for him. What a legend.

That will do it as another great year is in the books. Joey Chestnut is still World Champion and all is right in the world for another twelve months. And the story lines are already in play for next year: can Chestnut break that world record? Will Stonie recover and get back on track? Can Cincotti make the leap? We will find out 365 days from today! Until then, always remember…

Clear eyes. Full Stomach. Can’t lose.

[watch-grok-brainrot]

MDZS Novel Translation: Lotus Pod Extra Part 1 (English Only)

So... a while back, I causally mentioned to @merelhyn that i wanted to translate something just to see how I liked it. She asked me if i had something in mind. When I told her no, she basically jumped on this and said I should translate this. Had it not be over the interwebs, she would’ve waved giant rainbow neon flags and signs to guide me towards this. So... yeah. If you like it, thank her. Also, she did a once-over for me and caught some mistakes. so thank her for that too! ^_^

I’ll also be posting the version of the document with the chinese and my commentary as a separate post... because i think that’s probably more valuable/interesting to see where my brain was and where this amateur translator is probably failing? 

[edit: the rambling commentary version should be linked in the comments]

Anyway, without further ado... 

Yunmeng Lotus Pier. 

Outside ShiJianTang (Sword Testing Hall) were the summer cicadas’ noisy calls; inside ShiJianTang was the unbearable sight of bodies strewn across the ground.

Over a dozen youths with bare chests stuck themselves onto ShiJianTang’s hardwood floor, periodically flipping themselves over, as if they were over a dozen sizzling JianBing (Fried Bread), letting out mutterings of the dying.

“Hot……”

“Dead…… ”

Wei Wuxian thought blearily to himself with barely open eyes, “If only it could be as cool here as it is in Cloud Recesses.”

The hardwood flooring under him was once again warmed by his body heat, so he flipped over. Coincidentally, Jiang Cheng also flipped over, the two brushed against each other, arm and leg making contact. Wei Wuxian immediately said, “Jiang Cheng, move your arm, you’re as hot as a coal.” 

Jiang Cheng said, “You move your leg.”

Wei Wuxian said, “Arms are lighter than legs, me moving my leg takes more effort. It’s better for you to move your arm.”

Jiang Cheng became angry: “Wei Wuxian, I’m warning you to not go overboard. Shut your mouth and don’t speak. The more you talk, the hotter it gets!”

Sixth-shidi (younger male disciple) said: “Can you two not argue? Just listening to you argue makes me hotter. I’m sweating even more now.”

Jiang Cheng and Wei Wuxian already started fighting -- a palm strike here, a kick there: “Hurry up and piss off!” “You piss off!” “No no no, please, piss off!” “Don’t be so polite, you piss off first.”

All the younger disciples complained in unison: “Take the fight outside!” “You two can both go piss off. We’re begging you!”

Wei Wuxian said, “Did you hear that, everyone is asking you to leave. You… let go of my leg, it’s going to break, Da-ge!” 

A vein on Jiang Cheng’s forehead popped up. “Clearly they’re telling you to leave…. Let go of my arm first!”

At this time, from the wooden corridor outside came the sound of a skirt rustling over the floor. The two immediately parted like lightning. Soon, the bamboo curtains parted, Jiang Yanli stuck her head in, glanced around, and said, “Aah, so you’re all hiding here.”

Everyone said in unison: “Shijie!” “Hi Shijie!” The ones who became embarrassed easily couldn't help but cross their arms over their chests and hide into a corner. 

Jian Yanli asked: “Why are you all being lazy today and not practicing your swords?” 

Wei Wuxian complained, “Such a treacherous day, the sun shining over the practice grounds would kill us, practicing swords would make us shed a layer of skin. Shijie, don’t tell other people.” 

Jiang Yanli carefully assessed him and Jiang Cheng and asked, “Did you two get into another fight?”

Wei Wuxian said, “We didn’t!”

Jiang Yanli stepped into the room carrying a plate and asked, “Then who kicked the footprint onto A-Cheng’s chest?”

Wei Wuxian, upon hearing he left evidence, turned to look -- it was really there. But no one cared whether the two of them fought anymore for Jiang Yanli had brought a large plate of watermelon slices. The group of youths swarmed in, quickly divided the melon between them, and sat down on the floor to gnaw on the melon. Not long later, the melon rinds piled into a small hill on the plate. 

No matter what Wei Wuxian and Jiang Cheng did, they would end up competing. Eating watermelon was no exception. Slashing to seize the melon -- an endless volley of moves between the two made others hurry to avoid them and scramble out of the way, leaving an empty space. At first, Wei Wuxian was wholeheartedly eating watermelon, but as he ate, a chuckle suddenly burst from his lips. 

Jiang Cheng asked suspiciously: “What are you thinking about doing now?”

Wei Wuxian grabbed another piece of melon and said: “Nothing! Don’t misunderstand. I didn’t think about doing something, I just thought of a person.”

Jiang Cheng asked: “Who?”

Wei Wuxian said: “Lan Zhan”

Jiang Cheng asked: “Why are you thinking about him? Do you miss the feeling of being forced to copy lines as punishment?” 

Wei Wuxian spat out some seeds and said, “I’m thinking about how much fun he is. You have know idea, he’s so interesting. I said to him, your family’s food is not delicious at all, I would rather eat sauteed watermelon rind than eat your family’s food, you should come visit Lotus Pier when you have time…... ” 

Before the sound of Wei Wuxian’s words ended, Jiang Cheng slapped his watermelon askew: “You’re crazy inviting him to Lotus Pier, are you trying to make yourself suffer?”

Wei Wuxian said, “Why are you so anxious, my melon almost went flying! I was just saying that. Obviously he would not come. When have you ever heard of him going somewhere on his own for fun?”

Jiang Cheng spoke sternly, with a sense of righteousness, “Just so we’re clear: I will refuse his visit no matter what, don’t invite him willy nilly.” 

Wei Wuxian said, “I couldn’t tell you dislike him so!”

Jiang Cheng responded: “I don’t have an issue with Lan Wangji, but if he were to really come, my mother might have something to say about other people’s children, and then you wouldn’t have a good time.”

Wei Wuxian said, “No biggie, even if he showed up, I’m not scared. IF he really came, you can just tell Uncle Jiang to let him sleep in my room. I promise I’ll drive him insane in less than a week. ”

Jiang Cheng snorted, “You want him to stay with you for a month? I think he’ll stab you to death in less than seven days.”

Wei Wuxian retorted, “Who’s scared of him? If we really fight it’s not certain he would be an even match for me!”

Everyone cheered and hollered at Wei Wuxian’s statement. Jiang Cheng sneered at Wei Wuxian’s thick skin but in his heart, he knew Wei Wuxian’s words were true and not mere boasts. Jiang Yanli sat between and asked, “Who are you talking about? Is it a friend you made at Gusu?”

Wei Wuxian said happily, “It is!”

Jiang Cheng said, “You claim ‘friend’ so easily. You should go ask Lan Wangji, see if he is willing to claim you.”

Wei Wuxian said, “Piss off. If he doesn’t want me, I’ll just cling to him. See if he’s willing or not in the end.” Wei Wuxian then turns to Jiang Yanli, “Shijie, do you know of Lan Wangji?”

Jiang Yanli said, “I do know of him. Isn’t he the young second young master of Lan that everyone says is very handsome and very talented? Is he really so handsome?”

Wei Wuxian said, “Very handsome!”

Jiang Yanli asked, “Compared to you?”

Wei Wuxian pondered for a bit before saying, “Maybe the tiniest bit more handsome than me.”

He held up two fingers separated by the slightest amount. Jiang Yanli smiled as she gathered the plate, “Looks like he must really be handsome. Making new friends is a good thing. When you have time in the future, the two of you can visit each other for fun.”

Hearing that, Jiang Cheng spat out his melon. Wei Wuxian waved his hands defensively in front of his face, “No, no. Their home has disgusting food and too many rules. I don’t want to go there” 

Jiang Yanli said, “Then you can bring him here. This time was a good opportunity, why didn’t you invite your friend to Lotus Pier to stay with us for a while?”

Jiang Cheng said, “A-jie, don’t listen to his nonsense. At Gusu he was really detested. How could Lan Wangji be willing to come back with him?”

Wei Wuxian said, “What are you saying! He’s willing.”

Jiang Cheng said, “Wake up. Lan Wangji told you to get lost, did you not hear? Remember?”

Wei Wuxian said, “What do you know! Even though on the surface he told me to get lost, but I know, in his heart, he must have really wished to come visit Yunmeng with me. He must want it a lot.”

Jiang Cheng said, “I think about a question every day: from where do you get so much self confidence?”

Wei Wuxian said, “Don’t think about it. You’ve been asking the same question for years without an answer. If it were me, I would have given up a long time ago.”

Jiang Cheng shook his head and was about to throw his melon, when suddenly there was the sound of overbearing and fast footsteps. A chilling female voice drifted in from the distance: “I was wondering where everyone hid to, I just knew...”

The color drained from all the youths’ faces. They scrambled to leave through the curtains, coincidentally catching Madam Yu turning the corner of the corridor. Her purple clothing fluttered freely but her intimidating aura and blazing eyes were truly terrifying. When she saw the group of youths all bare armed and bare footed --  improper and unsightly -- Madam Yu’s face twitched for quite a while. Furthermore, her two elegant eyebrows rose to the point of almost flying. 

Everyone thought “This is bad!”, horrified, they ran. Seeing this, Madam Yu finally came out of her stupor. She was livid. “Jiang Cheng! Put on your clothes! You’re as naked as a wild man! What sort of shit appearance is that? If other people were to see, where would I put my face?”

Jiang Cheng’s clothing was tucked around his waist. Hearing his mother’s reprimand, he quickly covered himself. Madam Yu added angrily, “You guys! A-li is here, did you not see? A group of damn boys stripped bare in front of a girl! Who taught you to do this?!”

Of course, it was without question who was the leader. Thus Madam Yu’s next sentence was, per usual: “Wei Ying! Do you want to die?”

Wei Wuxian said loudly, “I’m sorry! I didn’t know Shijie would come! I will go look for clothing now!”

Madam Yu became even more angry. “You dare run away? Bring your ass back here and kneel!” With those words, her whip flew out. Wei Wuxian felt a searing pain on his back and screamed, almost falling and rolling on the ground. Suddenly someone said faintly by Madam Yu’s year, “A-niang, do you want to eat watermelon...”  

Madam Yu was started by Jiang Yanli appearing out of nowhere. The slight interruption allowed the group of rascals to disappear without a trace. Madam Yu angrily turned toward Jiang Yanli and pinched her cheek saying, “Eat. Eat. Eat. All you know is eat.”

Jiang Yanli was pinched so hard by her mother that tears trickled out. She mumbled, “A-niang, A-xian and the others hid here from the heat. I came here on my own looking for them. Don’t blame them. Do… Do you want to eat watermelon? I don't know who sent it to us, but it’s very sweet. Eating watermelon in the summer dispels heat and decreases your inner fire. It’s sweet and juicy. I can cut it for you...”

The more Madam Yu stewed, the angrier she became. The summer heat caused her to be thirsty which made her actually want to eat the watermelon. As such, she became even angrier. 

The group of people escaped Lotus Pier with great difficulty, charged towards the docks, and jumped onto a small boat. When, even after a bit, no one chased them, Wei Wuxian relaxed. He rowed the boat a couple times and felt his back was still hurting. Handing the oar to someone else, he sat down to touch the stinging flesh. “I’ve been wronged in broad daylight. Let’s talk about this logically. Clearly no one was clothed, but why am I the only one to get reprimanded? Why am I the only one to get hit?”

Jiang Cheng said, “It’s definitely because the way you look while not wearing clothing burns people’s eyes the most.”

Wei Wuxian glanced at him and suddenly sprang up and plunged into the water. Everyone else, seemingly responding to a signal, also entered the water. In a flash, only Jiang Cheng remained on the boat. 

Jiang Cheng noticed the suspicious situation and said, “What are you trying to pull?!”

Wei Wuxian swam up to the side of the boat and unleashed a sharp palm strike. The boat capsized: hull towards the sky and bobbing up and down in the water with vigor. Wei Wuxian laughed heartily, jumped onto the bottom of the boat, and sat down in a lotus position. He yelled towards the water on the side of the boat where Jiang Cheng fell in, “Are your eyes still burning, Jiang Cheng? Give a response! Hey! Hey!”

After yelling twice and getting no response except for a string of gurgling bubbles, Wei Wuxian wiped his face and wondered, “How come he hasn’t popped up after all this time?”

Sixth-shidi also swam over and exclaimed, “He can’t have drowned, can he?”

Wei Wuxian said, “How could he?” He was about to jump into the water to drag Jiang Cheng out when he suddenly heard a loud cry from behind. Wei Wuxian yelped as he was shoved into the water. The boat, dripping wet, was flipped right side up. Turns out, after Wei Wuxian flipped Jiang Cheng into the water, Jiang Cheng swam underwater around the boat and ended up behind Wei Wuxian.

After the two of them each successfully landed a sneak attack, they started cautiously circling the boat. The others splashed and treaded water as they spread out over the lake to watch. Wei Wuxian hollered from the other side of the boat, “Why are you holding a weapon? If you’re skilled, put the oar down and we can fight hand-to-hand.”

Jiang Cheng smirked, “Do you take me for an idiot? As soon as I put it down, you’ll take it!” He wielded the oar with unrelenting ferocity, forcing Wei Wuxian back. All the younger disciples cheered. Wei Wuxian found himself helpless as he dodged left and right. In his frenzy, he made time to plead his innocence, “I am not that shameless!”

From all sides came the hissing response, “Da-shixiong, do you really have enough face to say such a thing?”

Afterwards, everyone became involved in a chaotic water fight. Vicious attacks were used without hesitation. Finally, Wei Wuxian kicked Jiang Cheng and with great effort flopped onto the boat. He spat out a mouthful of lake water, raised his hands and said, “No more fighting. No more fighting! Truce! ”

Everyone’s heads were covered in bright green water weeds. They were fighting to their heart’s content! Thus, they retorted, “Why should we stop? Fight! Fight! Are you begging for mercy because you’re losing?”

Wei Wuxian said, “Who said I’m begging for mercy? We can have another fight later. I’m hungry and don’t have energy for fighting anymore. Let’s get something to eat first.”

Sixth-shidi said, “Are we going back then? We can have a few watermelons before dinner starts.”

Jiang Cheng said, “If we go back now, the only thing we’ll get to have is a whipping.”

Wei Wuxian was ready with a plan. He announced, “We’re not going back! We’re going to go pick lotus pods!”

Jiang Cheng said mockinly, “You meant ‘steal’, right?”

Wei Wuxian said, “It’s not like they don’t get paid later.”

Yunmeng Jiang Sect often watched over the local people, removing water ghouls without asking for anything in return. Within a radius of several tens of lis, the people were happy to let them pick a few lotus pods. In fact, the people would be perfectly happy to designate a section of the lake to grow lotus just for them. Everytime the youths were out and ate people’s melons, caught people’s chickens, drugged people’s dogs, Jiang Fengmian would send someone later to pay the people. As to why they were determined to steal, it wasn’t because they were scoundrels but because they craved the fun experience of someone chasing them and hitting them while laughing and yelling. 

Everyone got on the boat, rowed for a while, and ended up by a stretch of lake full of lotus. 

What a large stretch of lotus filled lake -- green and fresh! The verdant foliage layered and stacked on top of eachother, some as small as plates and others as large as umbrellas. The ones on the outskirts sat lower in the water and were more sparse, carpeting on the surface of the water. The ones on the inside stood taller and packed tightly together, sufficient to hide a boat carrying people. If one were to see a cluster of lily pads rustling and shaking, then they would know someone was mischievously hiding within.

The small boat from Lotus Pier glided into that verdant world. All around them hung large green lotus pods, round and full. One person rowed the boat and the rest started on the lotus pods. The large lotus heads grew on long, thin stems. The smooth lotus stems were covered with tiny thorns that did not sting. Bending the stems, they snapped with a crisp sound. The boys all broke off the pods with a large segment of stems attached. Once they took the pods home, they would find a vase and stick the pods in water. They heard it would preserve the pods’ freshness for a few more days. Wei Wuxian only heard it would work but didn’t know for sure, but he told the others with confidence anyway.

He broke off a few stems and reflexively removed the lotus seeds out of one. The seeds were full and round. When he popped them in his mouth, they were tender and juicy. As he ate, he started mindlessly humming and singing, “I treat you to eat lotus pods, what will you treat me to eat?” Jiang Cheng heard his singing and asked, “Who are you treating to eat things?” 

Wei Wuxian said, “Haha, no matter what it’s not you!” He was about to smack Jiang Cheng’s face with the lotus pod but suddenly made a shushing noise and said, “We’re gonna die. The old man is here today!”

The old man was the old farmer who grew lotus pods in that stretch of water. How old was he, Wei Wuxian didn’t know. From Wei Wuxian’s perspective, Jiang Fengmian was an uncle. Anyone older than Jiang Fengmian could be referred to as an old man. Since Wei Wuxian could remember, he was around this stretch of lotus pond. In the summer, when Wei Wuxian came to steal lotus pods, if he was caught, he would be beaten. Wei Wuxian often suspected the old man was a reincarnated lotus pod spirit because he knew exactly how many lotus pods were missing from his family’s lake. He would beat you once for each missing lotus pod. A bamboo pole was the best tool for maneuvering a boat in a lotus lake. Thump thump thump! The bamboo pole was also exceptionally painful for the people getting hit.

All the youths have experienced a few strikes of the bamboo pole. They all hissed at each other: “Run! Hurry and run!” They grabbed the oars and fled. After they frantically rowed out of the lotus pond, they turned around to look guiltily behind them. The old man’s boat had already exited the thick layers of lily pads and was gliding upon the open waters. Wei Wuxian tilted his head, stared for a bit, and suddenly said, “Weird!”

Jiang Cheng also stood up and said. “Why is that boat moving so quickly?”

Everyone looked over at the old man. His back was turned towards them and was counting the lotus pods on his boat. The bamboo pole was set aside, untouched. The boat, however, moved steadily and swiftly, even faster than the boat with Wei Wuxian and company. 

Everyone became cautious. Wei Wuxian urged, “Row over there, row over there.”

The two boats moved close and everyone could clearly see a faint white shadow floating and swimming under the water by the old man’s boat. 

Wei Wuxian turned around, his finger against his lip, warning everyone to be careful -- do not startle the old man and the water ghoul under his boat. Jiang Cheng nodded and rowed the boat. The ripples he generated were nearly silent with almost no commotion. When the two boats were about three zhang apart, a wet and dripping pale green hand reached up from beneath the boat. Surreptitiously, the hand took a lotus pod from the old man’s full boat and silently resubmerged itself into the water.

A few moments later, two lotus seed shells floated to the surface of the water.

The group of youths was astounded. “Wow! This water ghoul also steals lotus pods!”

The old man finally noticed someone was behind him. He held a large lotus pod and one hand and turned around while grabbing the bamboo pole with the other. The motion started the water ghoul which slithered away. The white shadow disappeared. Everyone quickly hollered, “Where are you going?”

Wei Wuxian plopped into the water and dropped into the depths. Soon, he resurfaced dragging something. “Caught it!”

In his hand, there was a small water ghoul with pale green skin. It looked like a twelve or thirteen year old child. Terrified, it shrank into a ball under the group’s watchful eyes.

At this time, the old man’s bamboo pole descended as he scolded, “Here again to cause trouble!”

Wei Wuxian had just gotten whipped and was now getting hit by a bamboo pole. “Ow!” he yelped, almost losing his grip. Jiang Cheng angrily said, “Speak reasonably. Why are you hitting people? Misunderstanding our good intentions!”

Wei Wuxian quickly said, “No big deal. Old… old uncle, take a closer look. We are not ghouls. This is the ghoul.”

The old man said, “No shit! I’m just old, not blind. Let him go!”

Wei Wuxian startled. He watched the little water ghoul in his hand bowing with its hands clasped in front of its body. Its black eyes wet with tears, looking rather pathetic. In its hands the water ghoul still clung onto the large lotus pod it just stole. The lotus pod was broken open but the water ghoul clearly did not have time to eat many lotus seeds before Wei Wuxian dragged him to the surface.

Jiang Cheng thought to himself that the old man was impossible to reason with. He said to Wei Wuxian, “Don’t let it go. We should take the water ghoul home.”

Hearing those words, the old man raised the bamboo pole again. Wei Wuxian hurriedly said, “Don’t hit me! Don’t hit me! I’ll let it go!”

Jiang Cheng said, “Don’t let go. What would we do if the water ghoul kills people?”

Wei Wuxian said, “This water ghoul doesn’t smell like blood. He’s young and cannot leave this section of the lake. Recently there has been no word that people have died in this area. It doesn’t seem like he’s harmed anyone before.”

Jiang Cheng said, “Even if he hasn’t harmed anyone before, you can’t guarantee that in the future....”

Before his words finished, the bamboo pole landed with a whoosh. Jiang Cheng, getting hit, angrily said, “Old man, do you not have a sense of good and evil?! You know it’s a ghoul and you’re not scared of it doing harm?!”

The old man responded with self assurance, “I already have one foot in my own coffin. Why would I be scared of a ghoul?”

Wei Wuxian figured it would not be able to run far, so he said, “Stop fighting, stop fighting. I’m letting go.”

He really let go. The water ghoul slithered behind the old man’s boat, too timid to come out again. 

Wei Wuxian climbed back onto the boat soaking wet. The old man picked a lotus pod from his boat and threw it into the water. The water ghoul ignored it. The old man then picked a large lotus pod and threw it into the water. The lotus pod bobbed on the surface a few times. Suddenly, half a white head popped out of the water and dragged the two lotus pods down with its mouth like a large white fish. After a while longer, something white floated to the surface again. The water ghoul curled up behind the boat with its arms and hands above water and ate with noisy gusto. 

Everyone watched, bewildered, as it ate with enthusiasm.

Watching the old man throw another lotus pod into the water, Wei Wuxian rubbed his chin, feeling a little upset. He asked, “Old uncle, why do you let it steal your lotus pods? You even gift them to it. But when we steal your lotus pods, you hit us.”

The old man responded, “It helps push my boat. Giving it a few lotus pods is nothing. You rascals? How many did you steal today?”

Everyone became embarrassed. Wei Wuxian glanced at the inside of their boat -- there were at least a few dozen. He knew the situation was going to take a turn for the worse and said, “Go!”

A few people immediately picked up the oars as the old man charged forward waving his bamboo pole. His boat moved like the wind. The top of the youths’ heads felt a numbness and the foreboding sense of the bamboo pole making impact. They engaged all their limbs and rowed like crazy. The two boats circled the large lotus pond a couple of times, the old man’s boat closing in on the other boat. Wei Wuxian had already been hit a few times and he noticed the bamboo pole was only aimed at him. He hugged his head and yelled, “Too unfair! Why am I the only one getting hit? Why am I the only one getting hit!”

All the younger disciples said, “Hang in there Shixiong! We’re counting on you!”

Jiang Cheng also said, “Yes, you just hang in there.”

Wei Wuxian said angrily, “That’s it. I can’t hang in there anymore.” He grabbed a lotus pod from the boat and tossed it out, “Catch!”

It was a very large lotus pod -- it hit the water with a thud and a large splash. The old man’s boat paused as expected. The water ghoul happily swam over, scooped up the lotus pod, and began eating

Seizing the opportunity, the Lotus Pier boat escaped. 

On the way way back, a younger disciple asked, “Da-shixiong, can ghouls taste flavor?”

Wei Wuxian said, “Usually not. But I think this little ghoul is proba… probab… probably.. Ah… achoo!”

The sun had set and the wind picked up, bringing a sense of coolness and chill. Wei Wuxian sneezed, rubbed his face, and continued, “Probably it wanted to eat lotus pods in its past life but could not. When it snuck there to pick some, it fell into the water and drowned. So… ah… ah…”

Jiang Cheng said, “So, eating lotus pods realized its desires, giving it a sense of fulfillment.”

Wei Wuxian agreed, “Uh, right.”

He touched his back that was covered in crisscrossing old and new injuries and couldn’t help but voice his thoughts, “But this is such a strange injustice for the ages. Why is it that whenever something happens, I’m always the only one who gets hit?”

One younger disciple said, “You are the most handsome.”

Another said, “You have the highest cultivation.”

Yet another added, “You look the best naked.”

Everyone nodded in agreement. Wei Wuxian said, “Thank you everyone for the praise. Hearing them gives me goosebumps.”

A younger disciple said, “You’re welcome Da-shixiong. Since you’re the one who blocks hits for us each and every time, you deserve more.”

Wei Wuxian said, shocked, “Oh? There’s more. Let’s hear it.” 

Jiang Cheng could not bear hearing more. He said, “Everyone shut up. If you don’t say reasonable things, I just might smash through the bottom of the boat so we all die a clean death.”

At this time, they crossed a section of water with farmland on both sides. In the rice paddies, a few small framed farm girls were plowing. When they saw the boys’ small boat pass by, they ran to the water and waved, “Hey -----!”

Everyone responded with a “Hey” and then jabbed Wei Wuxian, “Shixiong, they’re calling you! They’re calling you!”

Wei Wuxian looked over. Indeed they were people he had led the boys in acquainting. His mood immediately brightened. He stood up, waved, and asked, laughing, “What’s up?”

The small boat moved with the water current and the farm girls followed on land. They walked and talked, “Did you guys go steal lotus pods again?”

“Quick! Tell us how many times you were hit!”

“Or did you go drug other people’s dog?”

Jiang Cheng listened for a few sentences and wanted to kick Wei Wuxian off the boat. He said with bitterness, “Your foul reputation has spread so widely. You’ve really lost face for our family.”

Wei Wuxian defended himself, explaining, “They said ‘you guys’. We’re all in this together, ok? If we lose face, we lose face together.”

While the two were fighting, the first farmgirl yelled, “Was it yummy?”

Wei Wuxian paused in the middle of fighting, “What?”

The farm girl said, “The watermelons we sent over. Were they good?”

Wei Wuxian suddenly understood, “The watermelons were from you guys! They were delicious! Why didn’t you come in and visit for a bit? We could have offered you tea!”

The farm girl smiled sweetly.  “When we brought it over, you guys weren’t there. We set them down and left. We dared not stay. Glad they were good!”

Wei Wuxian said, “Thank you!” He then scooped up a few large lotus pods and said, “Have some lotus pods on us! Next time, come in and watch me practice swords!”

Jiang Cheng sneered, “Is your practicing swords attractive?”

Wei Wuxian threw the lotus pods towards land. Despite flying a long distance, the lotus pods were light and easy to catch. He grabbed a few more lotus pods and shoved them at Jiang Cheng’s chest, “Why are you doing in a daze? Hurry up!”

Jiang Cheng took the lotus pods against his will after getting them shoved at him. “Hurry up and do what?”

Wei Wuxian said, “You also ate the watermelon. You need to return a gift. Come on, don’t be embarrassed. Everyone, throw! Throw!”

Jiang Cheng sneered, “Funny. What is there to be embarrassed about?” His words were such, but even though all the younger disciples on the boat were gleefully throwing lotus pods, he still had not thrown any. Wei Wuxian said again, “Then throw! If we throw this time, next time we can ask them if the lotus pods were delicious. It’ll be another opportunity for conversation!”

All the younger disciples felt enlightened. “So that’s how it is. We are learning! Shixiong is truly experienced!”

“Clearly you do this a lot!”

“You flatter me, hahahaha….”

Jiang Cheng was originally going to throw the lotus pod, but acquired clarity upon hearing the conversation. He felt the action was severely embarrassing and broke open a lotus pod for himself to eat instead.

The boat moved in the water. The girls scurried along on land, catching the jade green lotus pods tossed over by the youths on the boat, running and laughing all the way. Wei Wuxian’s right hand rested between his brows, watching the scenery pass by. As he smiled, he let out a sigh. Everyone asked, “Da-shixing, what’s wrong?” “Girls are chasing us but you sigh?”

Wei Wuxian lifted an oar onto his shoulders and smirked, “Nothing much. I’m just thinking about how I sincerely invited Lan Zhan to Yunmeng for a visit, but he actually refused me.”

All the younger disciples gave a thumbs up, “Wow. Lan Wangji really deserves his reputation!”

Wei Wuxian declared with vigor, “Shut up! One day I will drag him here. And then I will kick him off the boat, deceive him into stealing lotus pods, get the old man to hit him with the bamboo pole, and make him chase after me as I run off, hahahaha...”

After laughing for a while, he turned his head and looked at the Jiang Cheng who was sitting at the end of the boat grumpily eating lotus pods alone. Wei Wuxian’s smile gradually faded. He sighed and said, “Alas, the child cannot be taught.”

Jiang Cheng was angered. “So what if I want to eat it myself.”

Wei Wuxian said, “Oh, you, Jiang Cheng. Whatever, you’re hopeless. You can just eat them yourself for the rest of your life.”

In short, the small boat that went to steal lotus pods once again returned after a successful journey.