#i feel like i couldve stopped it. ive forgiven myseof now but theres still guilt
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#suicide tw for the tags ahead#i have a friend. alice. i love her more than i love many people in the world#a couple months ago she tried to kill herself#i feel like i couldve stopped it. ive forgiven myseof now but theres still guilt#thats not the point of this post tho#she went to a mental hospital for a couple months and she just got out#thing is. i met her at the camp we work at. and im bad at keeping in touch with people#so after camp we texted a bit but we mostly lost touch#until one day my best friend said he was worried about her and she wasnt answering his texts ao i decided to text#she responded and we hung out the next day. thankfully. and the day after that she tried to kill herself#but she went to the mental hospital. but from then on we got closer#we were calling like twice a week and it was so nice. to have her back in my life. and i could tell she was doing a lot better#she was so much happier in our calls than id heard her be in a long time#it feels almost selfish to say this. and i know its not. but still#im glad she ended up in the hospital. she got the help she needed. and she and i got closer#im not glad she tried to kill herself. but im glad she got help. yknow? and. it was a nice bonus that we got closer#anyway the other day i fucked up. i missed some social cues and gave her bad news. and she ended up crying#i didnt know she was crying. i didnt realize id hurt her. so i said bye because i was at work#two days later she texted that what i did was fucked up and really hurt her. and we had a weird conversation about that#like she was obviously not in a good state of mind. that kind of weird. and then she stopped responding to my texts altogether#she said it was okay and she wasnt mad anymore. but i thought i lost this friend (again) that id just gotten back after almost losing#but tonight at 1am i got emotional and apologized again and told her i miss her and love her and hope shes doing okay#i wasnt expecting her to be awake but she was and she called me. and we had a good talk#we're okay. she was just having trouble keeping in touch with people because she was just discharged and it was a lot#she was doing okay but today was bad. she was drunk when i called. we talked for about 45 minutes and. it was good ti have my friend back#she said shes been doing better except for today. we talked about her mental health and we caught up and talked about camp a bit#anyway the whole point of this story was to say that im really happy we got to talk again. ive missed her so much#and talking to her made me really happy. and im so happy that shes alive. idk im very emotional rn#okay have a good night yall. i love you
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