#i feel like i forgot some important people big rIP

[abacus-jpg]

Anyone else not understand why people are moving to cara. Like I understand it’s because ai and shit,, but like. What confuses me is as long as your art is on the internet, aslong as you chose to post your art online anywhere, doesn’t matter where, it is prone to being stolen by ai. To me ai is nothing more then when people trace your art and call it their own. Ofc I don’t want people to do it, but ultimately that will not stop them. I do have a cara account, I was the first to claim abacus. When I tried posting there a few times I’ve been met with an error message, alongside that the app is really buggy and slow. I don’t see why people feel the need to come up with new apps to post art on when you could just use tumblr, but then the argument with tumblr is that there’s no engagement. But if we all flock to tumblr like people are flocking to cara then I don’t see why engagement would be such a big issue. Even then, if engagement is your main concern with your art I feel like you should reevaluate why you are pursuing art in the first place. I had this struggle ages ago where I didn’t feel my art was worth anything because I couldn’t cap 10 likes. But I realized, my art is for me. I’m the one that should be enjoying it, and my reason for posting now is for other people to enjoy it, so if they don’t,, I really don’t care all the much. I understand it is really detouring to post ocs and to have zero engagement, but that’s just the way art is. Unless you are producing fanart consistently of shit that is made into content farms, I really don’t see how you can garner a following just doing ocs. That’s why, doing art for your own sake is more important than trying to please everyone. I can guarantee there’s atleast one stranger on the internet that will fw your stuff the way you want. And the more you post, the more the number will grow. Most of the time it’s gradual, but one goes to two, two goes to three. And maybe you’ll only get one or two. But the important thing is, there’s someone. If you feel like you have no one, remember your art is for yourself. You’ll always have one, even if that is yourself. This might all seem contradictive. But trust, only you matter when it comes to your own artwork.

This “speech”, if you can call it that, isn’t to deter people from drawing and posting their ocs. This is just to say, engagement shouldn’t matter. As long as you’re happy, that’s all the matters. Post and draw what you want aslong as it’s not straight ripping from someone else. Idc.

This whole thing was supposed to be abt Cara but it turned into a uhh,, Ted talk of sorts. I’m not saying people shouldn’t use cara, if it works for them then by all means go for it. But personally I will not be making it my main form of social media. In my opinion, it’ll be like that other art app people were using for a week before they forgot abt it, I forget the name of it but I remember the interface was a light pink, similar to Instagram,, but somehow worse.

IM GONNA SPECIFY THAT I DONT CONDONE AI STEALING PEOPLES ART EITHER,, just putting that out there because some people have a way of misunderstanding or misinterpretating things. Which is okay!! Because some people genuinely get confused and that’s alright. But like please don’t use so first handedly. With that being said, I’m just a nobody on the internet so why would you listen to me,, you won’t. But i uhh,, am gonna put that there anyways

Thanks if you read allat,, idk why you would but that’s anyways I guess😭😭😭

[upslapmeal]

Dot and Bubble

Ok so having two Doctor-lite episodes in a row is really making me think that The Devil's Chord would slot in nicely between 73 Yards and this ep...

ok straight up forgot to make any notes for the first chunk of this because I was having fun!

not to be incredibly basic but instant black mirror vibes

‘trust him it’s saved my life so many times’ except when you died babes

the person playing Lindy is so good at being rude and obnoxious in a way that makes you feel sorry for her and root for her to pull herself together

you can't. hmm. you can't walk without the arrows?

hon we know you're not a child but like. you can't walk. without the arrows

congrats to Ruby and Fifteen but not fully bursting out laughing though I guess the mavity of the situation must help

turn left! to get to safety!

oh Lindy you are so frustrating!!!

what an effectively infuriating portrayal of how we so often prioritise distraction over action on a global scale

but also it's definitely giving 'this important deadline is in a few hours!!!!!! going to watch some youtube'

Fifteen: I want to help you not die Lindy: stupid ugly blocked

these characters have truly excellent names

‘eaten’ Ruby and Fifteen 😬😬

‘I think he’s not as stupid as he looks’ RIP

….is this a city for white people? hmmmmmm

shoutout to the lady who walked straight into a lamppost in front of me as a kid like Lindy because we stepped out of a building, my mum did a big sigh because it was nice and warm, the lady turned to look and thus was not looking ahead

lady at least you know how to walk without arrows

'you’re SO good at walking’ lmao

‘I thought this was the worst day of my life but maybe it’s the best’ ‘……there’s still thousands of people being eaten alive’ Lindy babe. priorities. PLEASE

‘rocket ships and flame throwers and weed killers’ a true arsenal

if the dots are directing them to the slugs…did they let the slugs in? create the slugs? why not just turn into an Evil Flying Ball for everyone

I mean. then there would be no story so I'll let it slide lol

oh no. Lindy.

boy they are just totally unable to deal with anything negative

completely unequipped for things not working for them without there somehow being a Good Thing

oh lads. it is a city for white people

man

Ncuti is SO good

the disbelief and the rage and the sadness and the despair and

that’s why Lindy was so offended they were in the same room together

that's why Ruby got through to her when Fifteen didn't

that’s why Ricky was so annoyed at the Doctor explaining the code

they're not going to make it 5 days are they

and Fifteen's theme here is *chef's kiss*

Last week we had Millie's first ep and this ending was Ncuti's first scene????? Legends both of them. What an episode. What an ending. A lot of fun until it very suddenly Was Not.

[dansconcepts]

Rise of the "Archons" + One Adeptus + Two Other Immortals

Aka an introductory excerpt of a Rise of the Guardians-inspired Genshin Impact AU from my archives.

Roles to Note:

E. Aster Bunnymund: Xiao (guardian of safety; protector of purity)

Jack Frost: Venti (guardian of fun; protector of freedom)

Sandman: Morax (guardian of duty; protector of responsibility)

Toothiana: Lumine (guardian of memory; protector of growth)

North: Aether (guardian of ambition; protector of dreams)

Pitch Black: Childe

"...Tartaglia?" Lumine hisses. She averts her gaze, landing on the closest figure to her. Her eyes trail to Morax, whose lips are pressed in a thin line with a hand tightly clasped around his tea cup. His eyes reflect exactly how she feels- that tinge of disbelief, with the added aggravation of a lingering foreboding. 

She can't help but attempt to swallow the dread slowly rising within her. With a hardened gaze, she asks, "He was here?"

Aether nods. "I saw water creatures made of black. There was black water everywhere, actually-"

"What?" Xiao interjects. "What do you mean by water? I thought you said you saw Tartaglia?"

The Abyss leader frowns, rubbing the back of his neck with a sigh. "Well… Not exactly."

Xiao scoffs. "Tch. We've all gathered here for something you aren't even certain about. This is pathetic!" 

"Oh, c'mon Xiao! Give me a break."

"Rex Lapis. Is what he's saying truthful? I feel I need a more verifiable source."

"Hey!"

The surprise from such a childish argument occurring has Lumine giggling slightly at their antics. 

"Paimon was there! It really was Tartaglia!" A small fairy chimes, stomping a tiny foot into the air. She whines loudly, scolding, "Aether, you big dummy! You forgot to talk about how the water literally formed a silhouette of Tartaglia!"

"Oh yeah, that's right! Whoops." He chuckles sheepishly. "Oh-ow!-Paimon!-stop-OW!-hitting-me!... just why does your tiny fists pack such a punch…!" 

In the midst of it all, Morax hums. It causes everyone to trail off, and even Paimon ceases in her hits. 

"And… are you able to confidently swear that, within this very establishment, you saw Tartaglia?"

The blond nods, any ounce of a smile ripped completely off his face. 

"I understand it sounds like speculation, but I- and Paimon too- are confident in what we saw. The water was too familiar. The darkness? Equally so. And the figure forming into the man himself was just as telling."

He breathes. "Tartaglia is back, and he's up to something."

Morax hums once more before going back to his tea in silence.

Xiao rolls his eyes. "Rex Lapis may be satisfied, but I am not. You dragged me away to provide, what, a half-assed warning that you could've sent, I don't know, your fairy to deliver?"

"I'm not some carrier pigeon!" Paimon feebly protests. 

Paimon is easily ignored.

"Well, I'm sorry I thought it was of grave enough importance that we all meet up here or you wouldn't believe me otherwise!"

"I'm here and I still don't believe you!" Xiao spat. "Do you have evidence?"

"Are two people's words not enough for you? We're being serious!" He shakes his head at the adeptus, turning toward his sister in solace to cool his head. "Lumine, you've been quiet. What do you think?"

"Ah, well… you know I trust you Aether. It's just unsettling to think that Ch-Tartaglia would be back after all these centuries…"

It grants a nod from Aether, where he turns to his fellow guardian with a smirk. Xiao snarls, low and feral, igniting a battle of wits between the two. As their heated words fill the otherwise gnawing silence, a distinct brightness shines through the fairly already illuminated building. It reflects harshly off the fake purple neon lighting. The movement ceases and settles right in front of Morax, soothing and gentle. 

Yet he is the only one to notice, as Lumine's eyes are downcast while Xiao and Aether bicker like children.

How did he get here? He wonders to himself solemnly.

"Everyone." He speaks. They ignore him. He raises his voice, repeating the same word. They're too off in their own little worlds to notice. The absolute gall of these children.

Fine then. 

The floor beneath them begins to shake and it rumbles an affronted roar. Lumine is the first to gasp in surprise. She nearly stumbles and instinctively shoots out her arms, stamping her feet to the ground as a way to keep herself upright. Xiao and Aether, on the other hand, repeat the action when the floor starts to make them sway. 

Their heads immediately snap to the source of it all, who stands in the chaos with not even a hair out of place. 

"Done?" He chastises. "Do look up now."

Altogether, their eyes spot the natural beams of light. 

Lumine's eyes sparkle. "Oh! The Welkin Moon! Zhongli, why didn't you say anything?"

"I clearly did."

"No, all you did was shake the ground. You could've just shouted 'moon', you know."

"...Why, yes, I suppose I could've…"

"Well, moon, what did you want to say?"

A silhouette of a cloaked figure with a staff waves excitedly before it's whisked away, revealing the familiar profile of-

"Tartaglia. It really is him." Xiao spits out. "Oh, when I get my hands on that Fatui scum-"

Aether shoots him a pointed look, before turning back to the moon. "Okay then moon, what do we do?"

The cloaked figure points to Lumine.

"Huh? Me? Why-" Her eyes cloud shut. They flutter open just as quickly. 

"Ah." 

She nods, before beginning to form constellations from her hands, letting the moon's whispers guide her. A small pedestal is created, and she lets the stars fly out from the top in a wonderful light show. They use her subconscious memory as a base, beginning to create the form of-

"A new guardian? Ah, we could use the help." Aether concedes with an amiable nod.

"As long as it isn't that popsicle or another annoying pest, I won't complain."

They slowly take in the formation of clogs… legs… shorts… corset…? ...a… lyre?

Before them was none other than Venti, the wind spirit.

"Venti." 

The stars twinkling around the image droop in a mock faint. 

"Huh. I didn't know there could be a horrible answer. I see I was wrong."

"Wha- guys!" Lumine scolds. "C'mon! As long as he helps out, it's no big deal, right?"

"Venti? Helping? All he's ever done was prolong danger and nearly makes me lose it every. single. time. He blows the demons away from me and laughs a storm about it. He isn't trustworthy."

"Well, now he's a guardian."

[percephilous]

realized I never uh!!! explained something really important to augusts lore to you guys feel like I should do that lol

"isnt that just the karma eye-" yes it is. BUT MORE AGHGHGHGHGHG it is basically my reasoning for how he gets 3rd person perspective. and cause its funny. "how does he know about that cutscene" CAUSE THE SEER LET HIM BABY is he aware of everything ever? no. the seer picks and choses what to show him because its a bitch. infact he usually gets very little more than things behind walls he shouldnt know about

he cannot!! actually see out of it. the information is kinda just there its up to him to remember it. it also gets REALLY annoying when hes trying to deal with other things

It can kind of talk to him to. gives him "hey trust me dude you want to be 2 steps back from where you are right now" before giritina attacks him. he doesnt always listen to it tho [glances at the deaths] rip gayboy. kinda has to mentally fight it considering it is "speaking" directly to his mind

it also flips the fuck out whenever the interceptor gets mentioned for a solid bit. when melia and erin were lookin up stuff in that big ol library he didnt get to know anything abt the interceptor because the seer heard interceptor and decided "finally!!! self destruct time" and hurt bro real bad [mentally] he's gotten to deal with it tho!! sucked for awhile,, but he won!!!! lets go white boy

its why he can still "hear" stuff despite being deaf [which he is] he knows what they said because the seer told him what they said. still cant hear jack shit and if the seer was off doing something irrelevant you will either: need to repeat it or more likely he will sit there silently and try to figure out what they said before everyone leaves and he is left confused [thats because im incompetent and dont listen to npcs when they talk] and wanders around for a bit

he isnt usually able to. do much with what he knows though. just make some uncanny references that he literally cannot explain and people have just kind of gotten used to FUCK I FORGOT TO MENTION SOMETHING it is!! invisible to other people. only him. except in darchlight but that was just kinda a weird thing. it does appear occasionally and freaks people out but otherwise its fine

its come very far and is very cool and I like it very much because it makes my special little man just a little more special and I can never be normal ever

[magic-is-something-we-create]

Hey Pax talk more to me about fantasy computers plus 👀

HI HELLO i posted that snippet and that call for discussion and then promptly got distracted, went to bed, and forgot to check tumblr pretty much all day. i wasnt sure id have much to say on the matter but i ended up rambling only half-coherently so <3 no hard feelings if its Too Much to read, let alone comprehend. im not proofreading it myself so good luck and thank u for prompting me to ramble <3<3<3

BUT

FANTASY COMPUTERS

aka normal real-world computers shoved into classic high fantasy land because i like to fuck with genre expectations like that. except like cyber/solarpunk future computers because again. genre is fake

anyways. the goblins of the ehlverse are a) the only people without either a magic source (see: elementalism, human blood runes, dwarven metallurgy, etc) or an inherently magical biology (see: dragonkin being literally made of magma, shara'i being feathered and mammalian and terrestrial and eyeless a la moles, etc) AND B) have been thus excluded from much of the world's politics and power due to magical inability for literally tens of thousands of years

so of course they invented computers and robots and sustainable electricity and gadgets and such that are capable of not only emulating certain commonly useful aspects of magic, but also of doing things no magic can, just to keep up

something that i've had in mind while building out the stories in the ehlverse (mainly TMS but it impacts whispers too) is the like. meta level of How the World Works. and technology like computers and such being a big huge useful innovation in real life!! and how to justify only the goblins and a scattered few other people around the world actively using them. and how politics and superstition and practicality for the majority all intertwine into the situation as it is in TMS and whispers

and like. a lot of the politics on ehl are like normal politics with magic added to the resources/skillsets of certain groups. so like that shit impacts trade and warfare heavily and it's basically useless to ally with another political entity that has nothing to offer you of the most important thing in the world, right? and so when it comes down to it, half of why computers aren't nearly as widespread as they could be is because the people in power in a lot of the world simply don't care to start trade negotiations for things that scribes and scrupulous bookkeeping and massive libraries can do just fine. because outside of the goblins, no one cares about like. the internet. the most enticing things are databases

superstition-wise, there's a lot of thinking in certain communities on ehl that if you spend enough time with goblins and only goblins, you lose your magic. and like there's no proof of it, but people believe it anyway, and oftentimes they extend that belief to anything goblins make, too

and THEN. practically speaking. the vast majority of ehlves (who are the global majority, probably ~70% of the people on ehl have recent ehlven ancestry) are fire, water, earth, or metal Elementalists. and guess what? elementalism means you have fun(!) ambient effects on your environment. like, say, a fire mage immediately overheating any computer they come in contact with. or an earth mage getting upset and causing microshakes that mess up the delicate stability instruments inside robots. or a metal mage's inherent magnetism completely ripping a phone apart from the inside out. or water mages doing some magic nearby and not realizing they made a full cup of water condense out of the air right onto their keyboard. and thats not even getting into light (aka electricity) mages and every way they can make things go wrong, even as a relative minority compared to the above

and until the superstitious (xenophobic) and political aspects get resolved, it's not likely that the practical ones will be solved. purely because you need lots of people to test these things to see if the solutions work

(there is a solution. it will revolutionize all of the ehlverse once it becomes widespread. it is found out in TMS and present in whispers if you think about a very specific detail when you come across it. but it will rely on governments getting their shit together so anything i write using that specific state of the world will require it being much further down the timeline than ive explored so far so)

[yourlocalcannibalist]

Markiplier egos and who you kin says about you(its also to the people who like/favouritises these egos in specific)part 1

(I apologize if I get some of these wrong)

-If you kin dark well you want justice.Somebody whos tired of always being treated horribly.Turning cold after some point of being tired bc of others behaviours.Not giving others second chances like you used to bc of the consequences you faced later on in life.Dark kinnies I just wanna tell you that im sorry for what happened to you I trully am…Also you arent a horrible person even if you put this persuade of a person whos cold etc..You only put that persuade just bc of your past. Also hows the daddy issues going on? Also I bet you miss damien and want to see more of him like dark.

-If you kin wilford then are you ok? What happened to you? Like legit—anyways on another note youre somebody who’s probably very bubbly and fun! Youre probably the fun friend.You are honestly somebody who doesnt let others affect them much even if it can hurt at times.Also you may seem obnoxious and annoying to others even if to me you arent remember that!You are also somebody who maybe suffers through intrusive thoughts which im sorry about and feel bad for.Also people made fun of you for liking pink or considered you weird just bc of you being you which sucks ass.Well just so you know you arent weird! Youre being you and thats important!

-If you kin illinois then youre somebody whos a sucker for romance.Youre also somebody whos flirtatious with friends as a joke even if you mean every word.At some point you liked Indiana jones or called him a rip off of him.You also want somebody a partner most likely bc sure you have that flirty personality but deep inside you just want love ,somebody to care for you etc.. Which I can understand but the time will come ik it!!Be patient alright?Oh also forgot youre barely scared of anything and are laid back.You like going on adventures or just seeing it .

-If you kin eric then im sorry for how people treat you.Especially your dad as you dont deserve this at all.Youre probably suffer from anxiety and get shitted on for it by your parents .Also hows the relationship with your dad going? Not well ? Well aint surprised also I wanna tell you that being sensitive is ok! Its ok to cry when you need to… You shouldnt feel ashamed to feel that way at all .Also things arent your fault sure you blame yourself but it isnt! Your also a huge over thinker which makes things difficult for you along with anxiety.Also if you need help its ok to ask ! I know it can be hard and difficult but I know you can do it!One last thing I wanna say is that you my friend have people pleasing habits which im sorry to hear of but hope you can overcome that one day!

-If you kin head engineer then…youre somebody who cant see things or understand them well .Not until somebody points it out .Its the same thing when ever youve done something wrong.Youre also somebody who likes space alot and you thank mark for that .Along with the fact you have a big heart for others and you care about them. Head engineer kinnies I just wanna tell you that you dont have to put them or others first …take care of yourself. Speaking of which you have a favourite person .I bet at some point you cried at the part in iswm part 2 when head engineer was in it.Youre also somebody who barelly cares if they head in straight into something it only gives u adrenaline bc the mystery etc..Along with being nervous also.

-If you kin actor mark then..youre probably a theatre kid or something.Youre also somebody who hates when people prove you wrong.Sure even if you are wrong youre still a bit stubborn and wanna prove your point.You probably like other villains and understand there point of you tbh.Your childhood was probably rough along with the relationship you had before. You also enjoy company yet get jealous easily when ever you dont get your friends attention.

-If you kin the host/author well I wanna tell you that youre somebody who likes books along with creepy stuff.Youre somebody whos probably interested in the paranormal stuff like ghosts etc… You also have a weird fascination with history at some point.You are somebody whos wise ,looking at situations before acting on them.You are also very creative and honestly can write alot if you put your mind to it.At some point ,you wanted to be an author or a book writer and decided to make fanficts or something.Just to you know try it out.Youre somebody that just hates change ,you often enjoy when things stay the same and like it that way.Youre also somebody who barely reveals things or is quite mysterious or quite the opposite.

-If you kin bim then im worried about you in honesty as your somebody whos very interested in autonomy .How the human body works etc… Youre also somebody whos interested in murder ,killing and all that jazz.Youre somebody who people often worry about but you barelly care which good on you I guess.Youre also somebody who barelly gets scared of blood or when a gory scene happens or completely the opposite.You probably are somebody who wanted to taste weird things or bite them in general. But on the non concerning side your somebody who holds your close ones very close and would do anything for them.You probably have like one best friend who you share everything to even the concerning parts and they tolerate it lel .Youre somebody who rarely gets scared or the opposite.Youve probably tasted your own blood before just bc you wondered how it tasted.

-If you kin yancy then… you have familly issues and barelly get along with your parents.Youre often seen as the disappointment by your parents just bc of your actions.You probably act on instinct when ever something happens.Barelly caring if something ends up in a fight if it meant you where doing something good in the end.At some point you wanted to be dressed as a prisoner for halloween just bc it reminded you of yancy.You also have the habit of saying “youse” or speak how he speaks accent wise.Speaking of the parents topic you see mark as a dad figure (dont wee all tho?) or u see older figures as parent figures.You also suffer for parent issues (as in mom and dad issues. Anyways you also at some point wanna get the same tattoo as yancy or cosplay as him bc hes that cool to you.You also like the color black and white thats it .Youre also somebody who quite caring even if people dont see you that way often,seeing you as somebody who only causes trouble.Which to your point of you do it just bc you had reasons and all that jazz.You also adore when fight scene happen in movies often ,looking at the scenes very carefully even if theres to much stuff happening all at once etc… Youre also somebody who listened to “I dont wanna be free” hundreds of times just bc its that good (which I dont blame you it is a good song)

[feekins]

awright, it's that time again - my thoughts and other things as I re-read ch 11-12, finishing up Trigun vol 1!

(NOTE: I'm reading the Dark Horse [physical] and Overhaul [online] translations side-by-side)

aaaaa I forgot what a good little arc this is for Meryl! I'm so proud of her...and SO baffled by the translation discrepancies, but that's nothing new lmao

RIP to Badwick, but Milly's built different 😈

no but on a serious note, these last few chapters also do a great job at fleshing out some character motivations and stuff - things that drive Milly vs things that drive Meryl, and how they feel about that.

THAT SAID, I am once again so very grateful for the Overhaul translation. it clears up some confusion over who's speaking and when.

for example, when Milly lashes out at Badwick...

(Dark Horse on top, Overhaul on bottom)

the additional context that the page immediately after this gives (which I'm not including bc of the 10-image limit) makes it clear that, in this panel (in the Overhaul), the big speech bubbles are all Badwick.

then, when Morgan's addressing the Nebraskas here...

(Dark Horse left, Overhaul right)

rather than Morgan saying something and Marilyn answering, in the Overhaul, it's clear that this panel is all Morgan.

😄🎶

Meryl bby... 🥺

on the very next page, we have our next translation discrepancy - the last panel on the page where Meryl flares open her cloak full of derringers, and Milly grabs her. in that last panel, Dark Horse has Meryl saying "What's wrong? This isn't like me." meanwhile, the Overhaul has "What are we going to do? This isn't our sort of thing." and it's unclear whether it's Milly or Meryl speaking (although context makes me think it's Milly).

and THE WHOLE PAGE AFTER THAT is confusing in Dark Horse 😵‍💫

the Overhaul's got much more clarity, plus the explicit mention of Meryl's father (which Dark Horse omits? for some reason???)

and THIS PART. is SO MUCH MORE POIGNANT. in the Overhaul (pictured above). whereas Dark Horse puts it like

All people are different. Even the bonds between parents and children aren't immune to that.

Instead of seeing it as a burden to overcome, look at it as a far simpler, more important thing...

...choose your own path, and walk it with confidence.

All of life...is connected.

You have your own way to live and your parents have their own way.

I wonder if that's like...regionalization? American-ifying this passage by shifting the focus towards individualism and diminishing what the original says about the importance of familial bonds. idk, but whatever it is, I DON'T LIKE IT 🙃

finally...the last page. that reasoning behind that chapter title is MUCH more clear in the Overhaul AND I LOVE IT 🥹

NOW LET'S GET HYPED FOR VOL 2!!!!!

[twotangledsisters]

What do you think were some of the hardest choices to make when writing Two Tangled Sisters (or anything you want to talk about), and which ones just sort of came naturally? Anything that surprised you yourself? Anything you wish you could go back and change? What are you proudest of?

Wow, so many good question!

Okay, hardest choices... The hardest are probably unpublished at the moment, because, well... not every character will survive season three... So far we've only had a very minor character death (RIP Weasel) but there are certainly going to be some that hit harder later in this season.

As for stuff that is actually published... Probably Cass and Caine being a thing! I absolutely love them, but I wasn't sure if anybody else would. And I was very scared that them getting together would end with me losing a lot of readers. I know how people love their ships after all! It's part of why they take such a long time to get together, several whole fics of just them hopelessly flirting and thinking about it. I definitIe had quite a few moments of 'maybe I shouldn't'. But ultimately I did and I'm very glad about that!

Choices that came naturally!

The main one is probably just the family dynamic between Frederic, Arianna, Rapunzel, Cassandra and Eugene. I never really made any difficult choices about the direction it'd go in, everything just sorta of happened.

Cassandra and Eugene fell into their natural state of bickering.

Rapunzel and Cassandra had their sister dynamic.

Arianna made the decision to keep both girls as an official part of the family.

Even Frederic and Cassandra's bond kinda formed on it's own. In fact, I have notes for season 3 written before much of season 1 and it shows Cassandra and Frederic's relationship as A LOT more distance. Showing how I didn't plan or expect them to do so well, they just did! And I'm happy for them.

Anything that surprised me!

Arianna's declaration of 'After years of searching for it's lost princess, Corona now has two!' in the very first Tangled Sisters fic, caught me fully of guard! Changed the entire route of the series in the best way possible though.

Frederic and Cassandra forming the tight bond they did wasn't something I expected until quite far in!

Cassandra and Caine also I didn't see coming until a bit later!

Amaris! Eugene's ancestors who has a tendency to visit him in his dreams also just kinda happened and now she's a recurring character who whenever I write her I adore!

This fic surprised me and catched me off guard all the time! But I think everytime it does I just love the fic even more!

Things I wish I could change?

Well... not much, thankfully! Definitely some missed opportunities. Like I realised the other day while chatting in the comments that Cassandra should have given Lance her book on raising a child and given him a lesson. It would have been adorable and hilarious!

Rapunzel should have told the King of Koto about how Eugene's actually a prince of the Dark Kingdom when he claimed he was nobody to talk to him.

I forgot the fossil exhibition in Vardaros! There was supposed to be a fossil exhibition!

And other small things! But out of the big stuff... I can't think of anything I'd change.

What are you proudest of?

Cassandra and Caine! Probably because I was so nervous, seeing how excited readers are whenever they get a chapter just warms my heart!

Also, New Dream getting engaged before the series ends so they get to refer to each other as fiances for the entire third season! Very important.

And just the development of characters, the way they change and adapt yet still hold pieces of their past... I just feel like the characters change a lot without it ever feeling sudden and that's something I'm very proud of!

Anyway, that's enough rambling from me.

Thank you soooo much for this ask! It was amazing and really got me thinking about the series!! I hope my answers were interesting to you :D

[spikeinthepunch]

Well, I didn't expect to be sitting down an deciding to write a lengthy personal post about the app, Vent. But its shutting down for good in literally two days. If this was any other situation where it slowly just became inactive but stayed up, I wouldn't mention it. But an app shutting down for good is a big deal, and I'll cross my fingers that I get sent the data I requested.

Vent is an app I feel like everyone seems to be aware of but left and forgot after its boom in 2016-2017. no one really says that they use it, most left it after that period. its pretty well known for weird and absurd kin posts and drama and other nonsense. having been on it since it launched, i saw... so much. so so much.

Having gotten to it around age 16, that app houses a huge amount of personal posts I made on an app I considered the best place to dump some of the most private, venty things. Boy does it catalogue a huge series of development and mental growth. And above all stands as a lesson to myself on how to manage such personal things around others online. What is to be said isn't me forcing a lesson on the reader, but just expressing what I learned- because in those teenage years it was easy to want to have all my online friends involved in seeing my vent posts. That Age on tumblr, that culture around validation and mental illness- I wanted validation and post interactions. I vented a lot, teen years sucked- this seemed fine to do from my unaware mind but it caused so much tension, stress, and drama in my closest relationships that I still wish hadnt occurred- but can accept that behavior years later... i was just a teen, it wasn't surprising. Getting your bestest friends in a private closed circle of venting is not as good of an idea as you'd want it to be, to say the least. Especially when you're teens and dont have therapy.

But that is to say- Vent became its best to me when I closed it off entirely to everyone except for one good mutual I had gained purely through Vent, and eventually one key IRL friend. Me, two other people. That was it. It turned into a diary for years after I chose to do that and it had been very useful for me. One or two people I didn't mind getting a glimpse into things, especially after i matured and learned to...better control and understand how to vent in a healthier way. It was somewhere I went to maybe once a month, maybe less frequently, to just... throw out a huge post documenting my feelings and important thoughts from the last many weeks. Great big summaries I'd have no energy to split up into a priv twitter thread, or post on public blogs.

Growth. So so much growth. So much in all those posts and all that time. Almost 8 years of my incredibly personal thoughts sit on that app and it sucks knowing that place will be gone for good. There could be a miracle but it seems unlikely.

For those never on the app, or stopped using it ages back- Vent has been a mess for a long time. It has gone through various changes in hopes of keeping it alive- for years its just been all over the place. It barely functions most times. It's been limping for years now and it was always a joke to me that it hadn't gone down yet. It seemed inevitable- and here we are! Gone on the 28th of Feb, and it was only stated a few days ago. And theyd been promising they had an alternative..

Losing things like this sucks, because it is a part of the internet. People love to say nothing truly goes away on the internet- and thats just not true. Time and time again we lose apps and websites with no backups or way to view them reliably. Newer age technology makes this especially harder to preserve. While I and others have requested our data, there will be hundreds if not thousands of accounts left to vanish after Vent shuts down, especially given the incredibly short notice.

So, RIP Vent, you were already dead for some years anyways. But I appreciate what I made of it and its a shame I can't think of any place where I could keep this kind of diary up still.

[awrldalone]

7th October 2023, 10.14pm

I wrote down a list of things I need to talk about. The first item on it is the fact I have been living here for more than a month now, the second is my relationship with M, the third just says ontological dissatisfaction.

So let's start with the second bullet, because I only wrote it second to convince myself it was not that important, that I can just close my eyes and avoid dealing with my feelings until they go away. Besides, is it not more interesting to talk about the first month you've spent in a new city rather than rip your heart in two to come to terms with the fact you have one sided problems with the person you love?

This weekend I went to Lyon, to see him. After my Art of the Renaissance class I walked to the bus station, stopped by a Franprix to buy a snack for the trip, and took a Flixbus. The station was underground, a big parking lot teeming with people and stationary busses. A few had their lights on. It looked like night in there, despite it being a little over four p.m.

On the bus, I finished reading Slouching towards Bethlehem by Joan Didion, and through it I discovered who Joan Baez is. I started listening to her folk music, her covers of Bob Dylan and the ones she wrote herself - folk is the only kind of music that makes long bus rides bearable: when it's good, it always sounds of wandering and sun, it evokes the feeling of peace a tired smile does, when you are laughing with your friends and you're exhausted.

We stopped at a gas station and I bought water and peanuts m&m's and mints. I recognize I am writing all of this to run away again, to look the other way, even when I am supposed to be facing it.

He was waiting for me when I arrived at the station. His hair was shorter than last time and I tried to recall if he had told me he had gotten it cut. He did not, but how can I be sure? Should it hurt me that he forgot to tell me, to make me participant of this little aspect of his life? Alternatively - what if he did not cut his hair? What if I am just remembering incorrectly? Would that not make me awful, not to remember how my boyfriend looked just a few weeks prior? I hugged him, quietly. I wanted to kiss him but I know he does not like it when I do it in public, specifically in certain places. He is very anxious, paranoid. It hurt me so much when, some months ago, he let go of my hand as we walked past some men dressed in soccer shirts. I even wrote a few poems about it, trying to let it go: it is not his fault if he is scared, if he has anxiety. 

His problem is not internalized homophobia, or being closeted, or still having to come to terms with his sexuality. If only it were that simple. He watched the news too much and he always thinks about the worst. When I left, on Sunday night, he was cold, constantly clenching his jaw and keeping his hands in his jacket. He looked around, uneasy, attentive. He confessed it was because someone had gotten stabbed a week before. He never says he is scared, and he never looks scared, but he gets tensed, wary. 

The tram ride home was, like usual, filled with smirks and knowing glances. Being in a relationship means visiting a secret garden only the two of you know the access to. There's only to people in the world who know where to look, where to walk under the bushes, crawling on the ground until the leaves and branches open up to a rose garden. There are all these perfect moments, you can pick them out like flowers and carefully tie a bow around the stems.

We did not do much over the weekend. It should not bother me but it does. Why does it even bother me? Do we always need to do something? Is it performance that I want, is it that I want to feel cool, do things that will annihilate this constant feeling of being on the outside of things, of cool things only ever happing when I am not in the room? I lied on his chest and he played with my hair. 

He gets sleepy when he is with me. It is because he feels safe, comfortable. It is adorable, and when I am with him I always sleep the best. My nights are troubled, even today I woke up before my alarm, alert. In his bed, in his arms, I fall asleep listening to his heart beat. 

One afternoon we had the closest thing to a fight that has ever happened between us. I used to think we did not fight because he is the perfect man for me, but perhaps we do not fight because we both let it drop to the ground. He makes me mad and I make him mad and I respond and he does not. 

I realized two things. The first one is the reason why I was so bothered by his response to my poem being published. He did not ask to read it. He did not ask to know the title. And I know he probably was very busy and did not have much time to stay on his phone but it hurt. 

The second is that I cannot open up to him anymore. Why is it so hard for me to be open? Even to my own boyfriend. Even to my own diary. Why is it so hard to be sincere, to let the wound bleed? When I used to cut I would take toilet paper and cover the slits, I would immediately put my pants back on and ignore it. It stung. 

I tried telling him something. I tried articulating this dark hole of a feeling. I tried to spill it all out. And he cut me off, he stopped me, he said I really need to see a physiologist. He said I really need professional help. And I know I do but he always says that. He never just listens and tells me it will be okay. He said it's all in my head, that I need to work on it, that I need therapy. And he is right but that is not the point. He does not get it. I need him to just listen, to let me cry. My eyes stayed dry. I have never cried in front of him – he has. 

He got up from the couch and walked over to the bed. Not even a minute later I followed him and I lied next of him. I realized I resented him, looking at the wooden roof of his bed. 

Sometimes I wish he would start screaming. He probably needs to let out nothing, he probably does not feel this electricity in the air, but I do, and I cannot bring myself to yell if he does not. I want him to slap me, to punch me, to do something. Instead he tells me I need to see a psychologist.

The other night too, I tried to explain how I felt regarding living here and going to university here. It is a layered feeling, complex, contradictory, one that needs to be taken at face value because it hides no logic. And instead of saying the right thing he said he has it just as bad, as if it was a race, as if he could and should compare what we feel. 

I haven't told any of this to anyone. I cannot open up, like a dead clam. 

-c.

[noddytheornithopod]

Okay so the Mandalorian Season finale... huh. I mostly enjoyed it for what it was but still... huh. 

Okay first... so is The Mandalorian now over? At least, The Mandalorian as we know it? That ending montage felt like a SERIES, not just season finale. But Jon Favreau claims to have written Season 4... so what is Season 4 really?

Anyway... no spies, lol. Can't wait to see people lose it over that one. Also lol at how Din breaks out immediately. At least Grogu sorta helps I guess?

Also RIP anyone expecting a big space battle. Guess they ran out of budget lol. Also expected Axe would die, but guess he didn't.

R5 vs mouse droids was funny. Some of the flying action looked a bit weird but it was nice overall I guess. Same with the fight against Gideon.

Also guess Gideon was planning to clone himself after all. Hi there, jump scare. I can totally see them somehow revealing one of them secretly surviving now that Gideon is supposedly dead for good.

Not really sure how to feel about the Mando stuff at the end. Mythosaur didn't even end up being important, it just cameo'd. The "Grogu is my son" but was weird, like they clarified it quickly but still.

Anyway, they're gonna rebuild Mandalore, yay I guess. Din and Grogu will continue on adventures or something, and secretly team up with Carson Teva. And the IG-11 shit was building to a payoff at the end of the season lol.

Reflecting on everything... I feel surprisingly apathetic? Like, I'm all "okay I liked it, I guess". But if this is really a series finale like they make it seem like, then overall it's pretty underwhelming, especially for what has been an overall pretty lackluster season.

Oh yeah the darksabre was destroyed... the fact that i forgot to mention this shows how much of an afterthought it felt like. At least Gideon had electrostaff moves or something.

oh yeah also no reaction from ragnar about his dad dying????

[rielzero]

Twitter Stinky

oofI’m posting some of tweets of my alt twitter that I like here- since I’m emptying my timelines. Feeling a bit uncomfortable with the whole elongate situation. very stinky

For me, a lot of these tweets were memories even if I didn’t use twitter that much.

I still have not really used that camera. Feels bad man. I need to get over my anxiety.

I’ll probably replay miles morales somewhere later this year or next :) Trophy run for spiderman games before spiderman 2 comes out.

that gif tho

memento mori

Wait- I played runescape last year? I forgot about that.

Oh Wibble... Dearest. I miss her so much.

My favorite tweet of all time haha. If I made more money this year I could invest in action figures again.. But eh, the economy sucks right now. Adopts don’t sell all that much.

Ok this hurts. But its important for me to be able to remember stuff.

I love her.

I was pretty active in 2021 all things considered.

I guess I am a gamer?

Yes.

I will get a nice case for all my figures should I ever get my own room or ‘’house’’ which will likely take 30 years if you look at the dutch housing market.

This is actually good and informative for me. I feel sick everytime around august and september due the weather changes. I am dealing with still right now!! I’m recovering from it, AGAIN! Man!!!

I def want more marvel legends figures cuz theyre sturdier than sh figuarts and of course, more affordable.

Bread got me feeling meh nowadays.

I completed ps4 spiderman trophy run that year- i believe it was my first trophy run. My 2nd was horizon zero dawn. (Base games only, not dlc.)

BABY MEEP

all things considered 2021 was not my worst year. This year probably is.

And yeah, while I don’t post about it lately- dissociative amnesia is something I deal with everyday. I posted very early on tumblr about it in detail if you want the post lemme know. also, i have cptsd not ptsd- rip. I’m actually doing much better than I did years ago, idk I have a handle on things nowadays.

More spooder.

Oh baby. I miss her purrs. I miss how affectionate and cuddly she was. Meepy is getting there, but these two pigs have different personalities compared to Mikki and Wibble.

I’m actually doing better socially this year.

Man Meepy got really thicc LOL If you compare her to my recent posts.

OH baby... Mikki was getting really old. I miss her.

I sincerely doubt I’ll ever be able to save up that much for so long again, that was such a big achievement for me. Being able to spend so freely. This year I’ve mostly been looking into what hobbies to prioritize when I did have money available. When you’re young and were so used to barely having things- once you have access to that- you have a phase of impulsive spending or simply spending to make yourself happy because you suddenly could. I think a lot of people experience that at least once in their lives. Its like when you’re an adult you realize you can go out at 3 am and buy cake somewhere and eat it. I mean- it’s not a good choice but it made you happy. That matters.

Now looking back, I doubt I was cryptic LOL.

trash taste don’t like my trash taste though. I’m a big marvel fan. mcu has let me down lately unfortunately but its ok. I have comic books.

..I need more of him :(

I think this was when I change my twitter nickname to ‘’your average gay nerd’’

Amazing game.

she kinda big now

APPARENTLY when people lack limbs karens have the audacity to question it- there’s so many posts of people with prosthetics being made to take them off just to show Karens they are disabled LOL what a world we live in.

watch dc superpets its for everyone

[simpgoose]

Alright alright so. Day two ig, this is a poorly thrown together doodle I did late last night as a wind down between my day and bedtime bc I went ahead and randomized. We pulled Blake (right), a pansexual cis man who is my partner's character. (Yesterday, I think I forgot to mention that Lainey is my character and Drew was also my partner's *rip*) Blake is sort of? a main character, in that he is sort of the """viewer's""" main exposure to a specific group of OCs that are all mine, being the Estrellas. Blake himself grew up in the small town that said group of OCs would eventually collect in, and he knew one of the foster kids before she was in the system- Heather (not in the image), who was his best friend. Ultimately, her home life was *fucked*, and when put into the system, she managed to qualify for the specific parameters that the Estrella house was looking for (this will not make very much sense at all but it's important for Blake I am so sorry if this sounds like non-sense) Anyways, his friend changes her name to Summer bc her old name carries a lot of trauma. They grow up together, best friends, dependency issues develop, still close, but he opts to move to California after HS graduation to pursue an acting career. Now, what happens there is dark, so I will put that at the very bottom with TWs and stuff, but for anyone who wants to avoid that, I'll give you a trigger free run-down; Meets girl, falls in love, things go Terribly Wrong, he ends up in a psych facility/rehab center, comes back, while he's dealing with all of that trauma, he experiences a lot of lessons in life and love with said group of OCs and the other people that exist in his home town. He *at current* is set up to end up with Summer after lots of therapy and a third poly member named Maxine, but also Blake is such a lovable goofball of a sunshine himbo that it's hard for us to not want to write him a romance with *everyone* there (in fact, we have given him a happy ending with almost every character in this setting, to the point where we've considered making a dating sim). Blake is a guy that loves to play into the big idiot golden retriever stereotype, but he is actually pretty intelligent when it comes to visual language and cinematography. He knows a surprising amount about color theory and framing, and has a lot of emotional depth and awareness that he's improving through therapy. All Blake wants to do is put more good into the world than bad, and sometimes that results in him taking the brunt of the bad if it means he feels like he's doing some good in the process. - Now. About Ophelia (left, my OC) and what happened in California and why we felt she was the most necessary adjacent OC to place here even though she has very little "screen time". What happens in California is never focused on very heavily in the story aside from how it effects Blake as an otherwise totally optimistic and almost "happily stupid" type of character, but it's written out in such a way that you can understand *why* it effects him the way it does. These topics aren't meant to be taken lightly. -

TW: Drug use mentions, non-explicit su*c*de via OD - - Blake has. An extremely hard time finding acting jobs, as you would probably guess, considering the stereotype. Through a friend, he's been able to crash with some acquaintances in town, who are more than happy to provide him a support system. But he's a small town kid in a new city with complete strangers, albeit friendly ones. One of those strangers is Fawn, who introduces him to the local party scene. There, he meets one of her acquaintances, Ophelia. Ophelia is pretty, charming, witty, and bubbly. She's got cool gray eyes that still feel warm, and he's never felt quite so shy about only having brown-hazel before. Something about her feels familiar in a way none of the people he was staying with did. They spend a long time talking; he finds out she's looking for model work in the city, and he mentions his want to be an actor. They very quickly spiral into dating as two optimistic kids looking for their shot at fame. However. Ophelia happens to have a group of friends at about this exact time who start getting into some *hard* drugs. She's battling self image issues, despite the fact that everyone's encouraging her that she can find model work as she is, and ends up leaning into these for not only escape, but as a means to lose weight. Blake, in one of the deepest mental pits of his life, starts doing this with her. The support group that he was with starts getting shut out as they call attention to the dangers of using this substance. They try to talk to both of them to get help, but with the codependency and addiction, it doesn't sound like reasonable advice to the two of them, and so they run off. They live on the streets for a very short period of time, crashing with some of Ophelia's crowd. Eventually, they do manage to get a very, very, very shitty motel room for a few nights. Blake goes out, trying to look for any work to get any more money, and comes back to a letter that only says "I love you" on it. Blake calls the paramedics and the cops. He calls the friend he had back in his hometown, the one that recommended him to said earlier support group, who drives several hours just to come sit with him. This is Bailey Estrella. She talks to him for a while (and tells him that her friends had been extremely worried about him after he ran off), and eventually convinces him to go to a rehab center. She drops him off, and hangs around with her friends that she had recommended him to so she can keep an eye on him while he gets better. When he eventually does get out of rehab, Bailey helps him move back home after having a small celebration with him and her group of friends. Blake is aiming to go back to college for photography now, having fallen out of love with his movie star dreams. In spite of all of this, Blake really tries to uphold that sunshine demeanor. More than anything, it's a mask to try to be his old self again while he handles his shit. And some days, the lie works so well that he thinks maybe he is that version of Blake again. Other days, he grapples with the idea that he's just animating this ghost of himself for other peoples' sake. Regardless of what his happy ending is, it always results in him accepting that he's been through shit, and it's the choices he makes in spite of it that make him a better version of himself, not pretending to be a happier version of himself.

[chewsdays]

6 and 7

6. favorite mutual(s)?

ooft uhm @stylesep @ftstylan @honeyhxrry @harryftvans @habibharry @hardust @medicineharry @highrry @styleswlw (bith come back) @denimnarry @flickerbyniall @25hry @niallsjaan @hucciqueen @kiwisforharry @aliensingucci @theasstour @harrysnotechanges @hryptid @gucciadcampaign @guccimodelharry @slowjands @harry-did-that @thechainmp3 @givelovechooselove @henrysparkles @chasm2018 @edwardstyles @purpleharry @harrysimpact @notmodelharry 🥰🥰

7. mutual(s) you want to get to know better?

also @denimnarry @25hry @harrysimpact @aliensingucci @hryptid @guccimodelharry,  @henrysparkles and @notmodelharry  (chicken_running.jpeg).

asks about mutuals

[koushisatori]

if you can't believe in others, at least believe in us

kyoutani x gn!reader

genre: as ordered: a bit of angst w a touch of comfort

warnings: one (1) big jealous idiot, miscommunication

word count: 5.4k

note: this is smth an anon asked me to do (but like...nearly a year ago, I'm not sure if anon is still there or if they remember and my dumbass deleted the ask so I just beta-ed through whatever I had but I know they called me out on enjoying jealous characters so here we go) I'm sorry, mysterious anon, I'm stupid </3 Anyway, that's that. I don't remember if reader was supposed to be female or not so I made it gn!reader (but if I forgot to change something, pls tell me so I can fix any errors c: It's also my first attempt I apologize in advance)

In the beginning, you weren't sure why your boyfriend is ignoring you

You can't remember doing something that would annoy him, nor do you remember an instant of anger in his eyes that would give you a hint about his reasoning to stay away from you

He explained early on that sometimes he just needs a day of distance because Kentarou could feel the anger simmering right under the surface, enough that something small could tick him off already, and he would hate if you were on the receiving end of this unexplained fury

Both of you also made sure to promise each other to clearly communicate, the relationship between the two of you would not last long if you're not properly telling each other what might be bothering or hurting...just in general cross a boundary

Communication probably was one of the most important aspects of your relationship

cue to the actual situation: your boyfriend avoiding you

So, Monday evening you think maybe it's this overwhelming sensation of unexplained anger and that something at morning practice ticked him off completely

But then Tuesday comes and goes, and your boyfriend had avoided you all day long, did not even bother to read your messages,

on Wednesday, you try to talk to him, but all he does is glaring at you with a look that leaves you speechless and kind of heartbroken,

Thursday is the day you're replaying everything you did on Monday, trying to find something that he could have misunderstood, yet no matter how hard you think about it…your brain won't come up with a reason that explained why Kentarou was so upset with you!

So you decide to make him talk to you on Friday

Enough is enough, right? For gods' sake, he is your boyfriend! You miss him and his strong arms that give hugs so warm that you melt right into them

You don't get a second alone with him until school ends

you practically sprint out of the school building over to the gym, knowing that he had a free hour, which means that he is probably the first person there - your only chance

There he is, sitting with his back to you, aggressively chewing on a bun filled with chicken - his usual that reminded him of his favorite dish - glaring holes into the ground

After taking a deep breath to calm yourself, you carefully aks: ''Kentaro…Ken…?'', slowly stretching out your hand, wanting to rest it on his shoulder to maybe help to soothe him a bit

he flinches instead and his heated, agitated gaze meets your eyes, making you recoil in return

''…will you talk to me, I miss you…'' you say softly, realizing how it hurt being ignored by him

''Ah, suddenly you miss me…'' he spits, narrowing his eyes ''…didn't fucking seem like it the last time I saw you…''

''Kentaro, baby, I have no idea what you mean,'' you plead, keeping your voice low to hide the desperation lacing it, confusion written all over your features

all Kyoutani does is growl, hopping down from where he's sitting while shouldering his gym bag

''...shouldn't have been so flirty with Shittykawa like that then-'' he grumbles - ''Ken, I didn't-'' you insist, but he continues ''twirling your hair, batting your pretty eyelashes at him, fuck you Y/N, if you want him, then feel free to take a fucking leave" Kyoutani cusses, not even listening to you

You shake your head, ''Kentaro, no, you totally misunderstood the situation,'' you follow up, panic seeping into your voice now that you knew what he referred to, ''I love yo-''

''Tsk'', he moves to leave

you try to take his hand but, instead of turning around, Kyoutani just rips it away from you, tucking it into the pocket of his jacket

from behind you, you hear Yahaba and Oikawa approaching (talking about Volleyball and Captains duties)

once they guessed what must have happened, they offered you their help (they both swear that Kyoutani will never ever find a ''cute s/o as you are, y/n-chan, I'm worried for my little angry pomeranian kohai'' )

Usually, you would try to talk to him, but after enduring a week of radio silence and now this treatment, you were tired of upholding something that seemed like a lost cause

you just wave both setters off and leave the school grounds, a frown plastered onto your lips and tears swimming in your eyes

Kentarou had not listened to you, did not even really look at you, and the few seconds he did, his eyes were filled with rage instead of the warmth he had usually reserved for you (and only for you)

If your boyfriend thinks avoiding you for a week and blaming you for something ridiculous without hearing you out is how you handle a relationship…maybe you would have to consider not pursuing it any longer

Which is easier said than done

The whole night you wait for a message, anything, and then all Saturday morning

you still had hope left

You get one from Yahaba, who tells you that Oikawa tried to clear up the situation as well after the reason for your fight dawned on him (Kyoutanis piss poor mood and behavior towards him a strong indicator) but Kentaro, again, just ran off

The future team captain even called you after your lackluster answer, listening to you getting the frustration and sadness out of your system

It didn't matter, right? Your boyfriend decided to unofficially call it quits by implying that your feelings for him were not genuine instead of using his mouth to talk to you and disregarding everyone involved

as if he wanted to ignore the truth as a convenient excuse to get out of your relationship

that's the conclusion your brain came up with

You softly sniffle in the privacy of your room, clutching a pillow to your chest (which has seen more tears in the last two days than in the past three years), deciding that it would be a good idea to go into the city to treat yourself

knowing that your mother has a hair-dresser appointment somewhen today, you go and announce that you would join her to finally buy the latest season of your favorite series

once there, you additionally get microwave popcorn, chocolate, and ice cream, as well as a pretty shirt you saw on a mannequin while window shopping

you feel a lot better after spending some money and ignoring the lingering sadness of your presumable break up with Kyoutani (who you love ok, it is not that easy)

In between your stops, you meet Iwaizumi and Oikawa munching on fatty burgers (celebrating your cheat days like a holiday and indulging in whatever your heart desires, is what makes it easier to stick with healthier habits the rest of the time was the questionable explanation coming from the brown-haired setter, pointing at you with a soggy potato fry)

after a moment, the setters eyes turn sad, a frown replacing the smile on his lips

he wraps his fingers around your wrist to stop you from going just yet, apologizing for being the cause of your fight and for being unable to talk some sense into him

(you assure him that it is not his fault, knowing that your friend will probably brood over it otherwise, which wouldn't be fair)

Iwaizumi adds that Kyoutani will come around and that his cooldown time is just longer than those of other people (and if not, he will give him one of his famous volleyballs to the head and use his status as only truly respected senpai to talk some sense into him) but you again decline their suggestions

after saying goodbye (and seeing Iwaizumi give his best friend an assuring gentle pat on his shoulder, the secret softy in the usual harsh ace shining through)

If Kentaro was willing...able to throw away your relationship this easily, he can't possibly really love you, and you'd accept this even if it's hard and painful

Now remembered of what you had attempted to forget about, you feel your eyes sting with unshed tears (you thought there was no possibility of you having more tears to spill, yet the impossible seemed to be the case) you look down at your phone to text your mom and frown

Kentaro 🥰: we need to talk. Kentaro 🥰: meet me there [location]

For a second, you hesitate, biting your lower lip harshly…you really want to go and talk to him but…

The tears still sting in your eyes and blurring your view reminded you of what you had gone through the whole time, and that it was his turn to finally come to you

break up or makeup, the ball was in his court now

so while walking to where your mother would be waiting for you, you begin to type

You: No.

You: I waited for you all week, even though you ignored me, and now you expect me to run the moment you choose to stop being a childish idiot?

You: if you decide to speak to me then comqjdkn

Kentarou wouldn't say he feels particularly bad. Not at all! If someone was to ask him, he would probably answer fucking peachy, what the fuck are you asking for or growl angrily. No one would bat an eye and further question him, nor guess that maybe he wasn't as great as he pretended because he missed his gorgeous better half, but…it was his fault, wasn't it?

Of course, he originally thought he had a valid reason to be upset. And if he had just spoken to you about it, everything would be solved now. Instead of being a decent boyfriend, though, his pride overtook his thinking processes once he realized that his behavior wasn't even the slightest bit justified. Not that he knew this when he saw you speaking with Shittykawa right before school. All he could see was his gorgeous s/o shyly fiddling with her fingers, conversing with a leaned forward, very involved Oikawa Tooru. He would have fetched you away from the brown-haired setter. He had no qualms about showing his possessiveness. God, Kentarou wouldn't have hesitated to growl at the tall, brown-haired boy if not for the question he heard coming from the Captain.

''Y/N-chan, how is it that you, an adorable, charming individuum, is with a brute like Mad Dog-chan? I really-'' Well, that's where he decided to leave you with the setter. He didn't need to hear your answer. Didn't want to witness an excuse or maybe the truth. If both of you were so fucking smitten with each other to flirt this blatantly, why don't you just go and cheer for him, hold his hand, and kiss his cheek goodbye? It was his choice to distance himself.

Kyoutani couldn't help the feeling of betrayal and hurt washing over him. Maybe you just used him as a stepping stone to get closer with Oikawa, and Kyoutani has been too blind to see it. He never doubted you or your relationship before, but it's not a secret how eruptive Kyoutani could be. It has always been beyond his imagination how someone so cute and sweet like you could love a person like him. Your friends thought so. The teachers. The whole school! Everyone questioned your poor judgment. And when you came running up to him, you're cheery voice calling out for him, everyone present looked at you like you grew a second head. It's the reason why seeing you with Trashykawa ticked him off so bad. It catered to his biggest insecurities and fears. He knew that all those skeptics would be delighted to see you, everyone's darling, with the schools' star setter. They all would agree that the pretty, handsome young man is a better fit than the always hostile-looking troublemaker.

While Kyoutani didn't take Oikawa seriously in most cases, he undoubtedly was one of the most devoted people Kentarou had ever met. If Oikawa wanted to get a new serve right, he wouldn't stop trying and repeating it until his legs gave in, and Iwaizumi dragged him out of the gym. When he wanted to find more advanced players to practice with, so he could, in return, give this new knowledge to his team, there was no way he would not manage to make it happen. Even if his ideas, wishes, and plans cost him blood, sweat, and tears (like getting Kyoutani to actually train), Oikawa never backed down. Kentarou had heard that Oikawa's last girlfriend dumped him because of his passion for Volleyball. Yet Kyoutani couldn't help but think that, in you, the ambitious setter would have found someone that would be able to handle it. You usually came over to watch the team when you knew that Kyoutani was there to play. You sat on the stands with your homework in your lap and a Seijoh-coloured pencil wiggling between your fingers, not bothered by the noises coming from the court. You play with your earlobe while you frown at whatever problem you came across. You patiently wait for practice to finish. Kentarou was sure that you'd be someone Oikawa would actually try for. You weren't one of his squealing fangirls, hanging from his arm on every opportunity, but his friend. You didn't pester him to take selfies with you while pushing cute bentos into his hands. When you bring food to practice, then it's for the whole team to share. If he wanted you, Oikawa would probably have to win you over and make sure that you'd stay. Courting and all that jazz. In all seriousness, Shittykawa would be a fucking idiot if not.

The dyed-blond wing spiker had been so sure that he was rightfully mad that he didn't stop to think twice before he reacted this coldly towards you. But, and this made it even worse, Kentarou knew that he was wrong the moment you asked what happened after an entire week of enduring his silent treatment. The second he heard your shaky voice and saw the tears welling up in your eyes, his brain rebooted, and suddenly he wasn't so sure of his own reasoning. You two were together for about half a year. Kyoutani - by now - was confident in his ability to identify most of your expressions. All he could decipher in your eyes was pain, paired with a need to understand, but…if he was in the wrong…it would mean that he had hurt you the whole week, which in conclusion implied that Kentarou had been the world's shittiest boyfriend. Fuck, he thought, I don't deserve y/n.

His situation didn't get any better the moment Oikawa entered the gym. The person Kyoutani thought he had a real reason to despise now tried to mend the rift between the two of you.

''Mad Dog-chan, I think you misunderstood something there. Well, no, you decided to not listen-'' The taller male says, hands gesturing wildly. While his voice still had that annoyingly cheery tone, it had something commanding hidden underneath. And oh, how Kentarou hated when someone demanded something of him, even if it was for his own good. ''Don't want to hear it.'' the blond mutters, already aggravated. The brown-haired setter resolutely puts himself in the way again. ''Oh, but you have to! That morning, Y/N-chan literally declared her love for yo-'' - ''I don't fucking care.'' Kentarou barks, not looking Oikawa in the eyes.

After another fruitless attempt to get properly into the gym, he growls and turns to leave. Already on his way to grab his stuff and take a leave, he hears Oikawa yelling. ''You answered and justified why I asked Y/N-chan to begin with!" And then louder, even though he could make out Iwaizumi trying to wrestle his childhood friend back into the gym, "APOLOGIZE, YOU IDIOT! YOU BETTER GROVEL FOR Y/N'S FORGIVENESS! THEY DESERVE BETTER THAN THIS SHOW YOU'RE PUTTING ON, AND YOU KNOW IT!"

This happened on Friday evening, and the guilt was gnawing away on him ever since. On his way home, Kyoutani had automatically taken the detour to your house. Kentarou enjoyed bringing you home (and more often than not, you pulled him inside with you, making him cuddle you!). It makes him feel like a good boyfriend, and he knew that you arrived there safely. He would never tell anybody and deny it if you ever decided to share this, but Kentarou relished in the feeling of your hand holding his all the way while going on about your day. He admired that you'd pet every cat and every dog you meet on the trip home together with him. You were perfect for him…why again did he act like this?

What caused Kyoutani's attempt to apologize - in his usual overly blunt and partly aggressive kind of way - was Yahaba, though. Both boys denied being remotely something beyond 'not really enemies'. But his future team captain was definitely one of the very few people that could and would tell him to his face that he fucked up without real repercussions. He would presumably even help Kyoutani to get it together.

After Yahaba had called you and listened to your heartbreaking rant, the setter realized that you, his friend, and his 'not really enemy' needed to talk ut out. Totally immersed in your tirade, you accidentally let slip that you couldn't endure Kyoutani's treatment any longer. That being pushed over by your boyfriend with brash and hurtful words after handling the cold shoulder was too much. That you expected Kyoutani to break up with you on Monday either way. In-person, if he had mercy on you or continue his treatment as a silent method of doing so. While you told Yahaba about your planned ''get over it-self-care'' weekend (involving tons of ice cream, movies with crying guarantee, lots of blankets, and no smartphone), the setter had already put on his jacket, shooting a message to Kyoutani.

From Yahaba: get your stupid fucking ass outside to meet me, or I'll bench you the complete season next year

Even though the wing spiker was sure that Yahaba's words were nothing but empty words, Kentarou allowed himself to accept this threat as an excuse to put his pride aside. Because, even though Yahaba annoyed him to no end - not as bad as Oikawa but still - Kentarou was also aware that you and he were friends. If someone could help him gaining your forgiveness, Kyoutani had to accept and admit that it was Yahaba. Meeting his light brown-haired teammate was kind of awkward. Kyoutani was unsure what he had to expect, though he should have seen the rough treatment coming. Yet, getting told that you, the person Kentarou was undeniably in love with, felt so neglected and hurt that you deemed this relationship to be as good as over allowed the guilt monster in his chest to grow. Shitty Oikawa was probably right ordering him to grovel and beg on his knees for you to even hear him out.

Your answer to his message was partly unlike you. Well, the last sentence. You usually were pretty forward with him to avoid miscommunication and uncalled-for moping around. And while you sometimes send keyboard smashes to express the chaos you felt, they were always in a separate message and not so…random. The text definitely meant something like ''then come to me'' but somehow, Kyoutani had an uneasy feeling about the whole thing.

Besides, he couldn't just wait till Monday and hope that you'd accept his apology! You may send him away today already, but he still had a teeny-tiny bit of hope. If he let the thoughts of him leaving you or the other way around fester in your mind for two whole days, though,…you'd probably realize that leaving him wasn't that bad of a decision. You'd come to the conclusion that all your admirers could treat you better than Kyoutani did. And he was too selfish to let you leave. Even though all he did the whole week was being self-centered and stuck up, he would be damned to begin being a saint now and let you go. That you at least were willing to talk to him was…a relief, to say the least. Kentarou hoped that this translated to you being willing to put up with him a little longer if he apologized correctly. That you're not opposed to giving him another chance to make things right.

At your house, he was greeted with darkness. Not even a single light illuminating any of the rooms he could see from his spot on your front lawn. And the ones he saw were your and your mom's most-used rooms. Your room window, your mothers' workroom, and the living room area with an adjacent kitchen. All of those rather significant rooms and the lack of light in them seemed to be a dead giveaway for Kyoutani that no one was home. Kyoutani guessed that you were probably out with your mom, glancing over to the empty spot in front of the garage.

Oh god, your mother had been the only supportive person of your relationship. Maybe it's in your family to see the best in everyone, even in shitty people like him. But if you told her about his behavior, she'd most likely not welcome him with a smile ever again, no matter if you forgave him.

There weren't many things Kyoutani could do in this situation, but it wasn't as late as nature let it on, and after a few seconds, he had decided to sit down at the front door and wait for you, hoping that it wouldn't take too long for you to come home. As if fate wanted to tell him something, the wing spiker had put on the jacket with the half-full power bank. He had worn it to the shelter when he visited it this week while distracting himself from your absence in his daily life. You had gifted him the piece of clothing, which is probably why he unconsciously had decided to wear it to everything he did after school in the first place.

Kentarou passed the time by snarling at people eyeing him for a moment too long to not be judgmental, petting the neighbors' cat wandering over to him, and watching videos. Every time he thought ''Y/N would like this'', his heart stuttered guilty.

To Kentarou, it felt like an eternity until your mother's car finally drove up the entry. To avoid your mother's potentially deadly stare, he nervously checked his mobile, realizing that he had waited for a little more than 3 hours. Yet, the wait had done nothing to soothe his nerves. They instantly spiked up again while his heart threatened to jump out of his throat.

She will hate me. Your mother would hate me, she'll hate me, she'll ha-

''Ah, Ken-chan! Good evening.'' Your mother greets him with a tired, yet still gentle smile. Oh. The blond blanches. He'd never admit it, but he enjoyed the treatment he received from your mother more than he should. Being spoken to without suspicion and receiving a warm smile every time without fail was a welcome change to his daily life. Your mother didn't listen to people trying to bad-mouth him. To her, he simply was the boy that - normally - treats her child the way a mother wished for. Even if he pulled a face as long as a fiddle.

''I didn't know you were coming, Ken-chan, or I would have messaged you…but now that you're here, maybe you can assist us out and help Y/N inside? It would help a lot.'' His gaze immediately flitted over to you on the passenger seat. With your arms crossed in front of your chest and that stubborn but endearingly cute pout on your lips, he nearly missed the tiredness your body emitted. Kentarou wanted to rush over to your side immediately but was stopped by your mother again. ''I don't know what you two are fighting about…but please talk to each other. I don't want my baby to be this sad. Especially now, and…'' she rests a hand on his shoulder, her eyes kind and comforting ''…I also don't want to miss you here, alright?'' He stiffly nodded and watched your mother carrying in plastic bags filled with various medicine packages and food.

After coming back to his senses, Kyoutani finally stumbled over to your side, practically ripping open the car door. This new perspective revealed a plaster cast wrapping your whole left leg and a removable wrist brace on your right hand. ''Bab- Y/N…what the fuck…happened?'' His honey-brown eyes continued to wander over your injuries, and with every second, he found more. Scratches and scrapes, bandaids and bandages peeking out from underneath your clothes. ''I'm so sorry,'' he whispered, hanging his head low.

All your intentions to fight his helping hand and limp over to the door by yourself disintegrated into nothing. You never witnessed such a devastated, beaten expression on his face before. Instead, you settle for ''Will you help me?''. A question asked quietly to your fingers picking at a loose band-aid edge on your arm and pressing it back onto the irritated skin.

After you loosened your seatbelt, he waits for you to carefully place your arms around his neck. It is followed by Kyoutani lifting you out of the car so gently as if he was afraid you might break. This whole situation in itself already contradicting his brash appearance and usual behavior. It would give whiplash to all the people pretending to know him. But he was always caring in his own way when it came to you. It's why you loved him after all. Because you usually knew that he loved you, too.

For a few moments, the atmosphere between the two of you felt awkwardly tense, both of you unsure how to interact with each other. The mostly blonde wing spiker breathed out a sigh of relief when you fully leaned into his chest once he stood upright, resting your head against his shoulder. A bit of maneuvering through the front door eventually lead to Kyoutani passing through the hallway and taking you to your room, where he was gently lowering you down on the bed.

It was a now or never kind of situation. For the both of you. While Kentarou was trying to find out where to begin his apology, he took a few steps back in case you wanted space until everything was cleared up.

You unconsciously helped him making a decision by impulsively grasping onto his shirt the moment he started to withdraw, stopping him in his retreating movement. Kentarou saw your lower lips wobbling, teary eyes looking up at him pleadingly.

''Please stay,'' you say weakly, which is enough for him to throw the whole thinking process away and simply sit down next to you, intertwining both your hands. ''I'm staying. I'm not leaving. Not now nor this relationship if you still want...an ''us''. The wing spiker took a deep, shuttering breath. '' I'm sorry, Y/N…'' he finally manages to say, honey eyes locked onto your linked your hands. ''I have been fucking stupid all week. 've been a fucking terrible boyfriend, the worst to ever exist.''

As if to encourage him...to show your boyfriend that his apology was not for nothing, you shuffled around until the last bit of distance between the two of you was closed. You hum, acknowledging his words while leaning your head on his shoulder.

''I didn't think you're cheating or something, …'' Kyoutani immediately assures you. There was no way he would allow you to think that he would accuse you of something like this. ''I had no reason to be jealous, but I was insecure. Let it get the best of me. Despite our promise to communicate, I was sulking. 't was easier. I'll do whatever the fuck you want for you to not give up yet…'' he says, taking his time with every sentence.

With a sigh, you squeeze his hand. ''It will probably take a lot of cuddling and attention from you...'' you say thoughtfully ''...but I forgive you…if you promise to not do this again…'' you murmur, tilting your head upward to press a chaste kiss to his jaw. ''Otherwise, I'll accept Iwaizumi-san's offer to get your thinking process restarted.'' For a moment, your voice had its usual joking edge. But you knew talking out everything was necessary. ''But, in all honesty, 'Tarou....please, never do this again. I am honest. I will not endure this a second time. When you tell me that you need a day or two for yourself then that is totally fine. If you feel yourself giving into whatever insecurity, talk to me about it. I am sure there will be an explanation or a solution but don't leave me in the dark. Don't treat me like that. I love you. Only you and no one else. But the time love can withstand straight-up ignorance by your partner is limited.''

Slowly, your boyfriend nodded, squeezing your hand to tell you that he understood. You would probably cling to him for a while but were sure that he would survive the extra closeness. Not even half a second later, his head leans onto yours cautiously.

''…and try being nicer to Oikawa-san, Tarou, he hasn't done anything to you.'' You add humorously before small giggles started to erupt from your lips. ''Also...Baby…'' you start, being interrupted by choked-up hiccups and giggles. By using your nickname for him, you take away another persistent fear of his. What he does not miss, however, is how you wince in pain before you continue, ''…who helped you put this into words? I mean…I loved it, but…,'' You leave unsaid that words usually are not his strong fort.

Biting back a smile, he frowns, huffs, and puffs…, but the way you are looking up at him, eyes shining with relief and adoration, allows him to admit defeat. He sighs ''…it's how Yahaba said I should say it…'' It usually would be an odd enough statement to make you throw yourself all over him with laugher. As a slight replacement, you squeeze his hand a bit, still shaking with suppressed laughter. ''I promise…that I will talk to you. Can't promise the Shittykawa part.'' Another soft chuckle leaves your lips before you look up at him again. ''I hope you try nonetheless. You should not let Iwaizumi-san hear you calling Oikawa-san that, though, I don't think this would turn out well for you…so...maybe stop this at least.'' Kentarou rolls his eyes at you, but in the end, he nods.

You wait for another second to clearly distinguish the two topics before you continue. ''…Thank you…for coming and finally speaking with me instead of break-'' A hand on your lips muffles your words.

''Don't say these words. I'd never break up with you,'' Kentarou grumbles, a light, uncharacteristic light pink settling on his cheeks. You stick your tongue out, which leads to him taking his hand off of your face with a surprised noise, rather dumbfounded that you had licked his hand. It gives you the chance to lean up and finally press your lips against his. ''I'm not leaving you either,'' you murmur, feeling his lips twitch upwards slightly. You decide to leave the teasing for another day.

Moving back into your previous position was enough of a hassle to hiss in pain. It brought back Kyoutani's awareness of the second problem at hand. ''What did happen to you?'' Kyoutani asks in an attempt to tamper down the excited, happy beating of his heart.

''Oh, this...uh, when I answered your text, I got driven over by a dude on a bicycle,'' you casually drop. It was kind of entertaining to watch his expressions change at an unequaled pace while processing your words. In the end, it settled into something akin to passive-aggressive worry. The way he was immediately fretting over you while cursing and cussing out the bicycle dude was his own way of caring. As you watch him retrieving the food your mother bought, while mumbling about how you're a dumbass for not paying attention to your surroundings, how he'd come over every day until you could go to school again to bring and teach you the stuff you would miss and how he would fucking murder the bicycle idiot if he ever finds out who dared to drive you over, you can't help the smile forming on your lips.

Once again, you are proven that loving him - while occasionally troublesome and demanding - was everything but wrong.

[kpop---scenarios]

Life After Death

Pairing: Kyungsoo x Reader

Genre: Zombie! Au, Enemies to Lovers

Warning: Death, Blood, Smut, Swearing

Word Count: 9k

Summary: The morning you woke up, everything seemed normal, until it wasn't. The world is turned upside down the government and the World Health Organization have shut down, zombies around every corner and only the strong survive. You meet a few friends along the way, and lose even more as you continue to fight for your life. You never thought you'd meet someone under these circumstances but here you were, happy while surviving life after death. Though you should have known, there's never a happy ending in an apocalypse.

A/N: This is part of the collab started by @biaswreckingfics! Go to her page to see the other stories written by terrific creators!

"I'll see you later." You whisper to your sleeping boyfriend before you place a light kiss on his cheek. You open the front door to your apartment, looking back and around at everything, making sure you weren't forgetting anything before you left. As you close the door, you realize you forgot to turn off the radio when you hear one of your favorite songs playing. With a sigh, you glance at your watch and you see you're going to be late, so you leave it, just missing the important message that interrupted everything.

"Breaking News: The World Health Organization has announced extremely serious side effects from the recent vaccinations of batch number 0506361. If the numbers 0506361 are on your vaccination cards please report to your nearest hospital to seek medical treatment."

You don't notice anything different or weird as you walk down the pathway from your apartment building to your parked car. The sun is shining, the air smells crisp, today was going to be a good day, you could feel it. You slide into the driver's seat of your car, turning it on and immediately syncing your phone to play your favorite playlist to amp you up for the day of work you had ahead of you. As you continue to drive to work you notice the streets seem a lot busier than they usually were, especially for 7:45am, some people in their suits running down the sidewalk screaming. Your stomach twisted as you continued down the street, your eyebrows furrowing as you tried to watch the people and the road, slowing your speed. You look out your window and see a man laying on the ground, with another man on top of him. You rolled down your window to yell at them, but when the man turned to look at you, panic ensued. His eyes were white, his face was covered in blood, veins pulsating in his face. Nothing about him seemed human. He looked directly at you, and stood up. Your hands shook as you rolled up your window as fast as it would go. The man suddenly now bolted towards you, snarling. With your window up and both hands now on the steering wheel, you try to breathe through the lump that had appeared in your throat. As you keep driving, you see more and more of people being attacked, tackled and ripped into, people running away crying and screaming, vehicles crashing, buildings and cars up in flames. You could hear the blood curdling screams from inside your car. With shaky hands you switch the station of your radio to see if anyone was reporting on what the fuck was happening.

"..If the numbers 0506361 are on your vaccination cards please report to your nearest hospital to seek medical treatment.. there's a virus.. It's zombies. Zombies are attacking the city.. everyone seek shelter.. oh god.. please no."

You quickly turn your car around, speeding back to your apartment as you try to swerve off the undead as you rush back to your boyfriend. You may not know much, but you've seen enough zombie movies to know that you need to get supplies. You drive your car up and over the curb, parking directly on the lawn in front of your building and run inside. You were lucky you lived right on the ground floor of one of the first apartments in. You struggle to slide your key into the lock, the cries of residents pleading filling the hallway. Your key finally slides into the lock, quickly you turn it and shove your door open before slamming it behind you.

"Jaebum?" You whisper as you scrounge through the front closet looking for the duffle bag that you knew was in there. "Jaebum." You hiss again, running to the kitchen. You pack all the perishable food items and then begin filling up every jug you could find that had a lid with water. You tore through your junk drawer grabbing the flashlights and batteries, and any candles you could find as well as your butcher block.

"I'm serious, Jaebum. You need to answer me now." You hiss, bringing the bag into the living room. You guys needed to leave quickly, which meant you needed to pack even quicker. It wasn't like him not to answer you, it made you worry. You glance to the front door and his shoes were still exactly where he had left them the night before. You crept up to your closed bedroom door, with your hand hovering over the door knob. Your heart felt like it was beating out of your chest as you grabbed the knob, slowly turning it. You push the door open, expecting to see him, but he wasn't there. You quickly changed out of your work clothes, and grabbed everything from all of your drawers and shoved it into the bag. It wasn't until you had finished grabbing what you needed and you had a second to listen that you heard the shower running from down the hall, but for whatever reason, something didn't feel right. You tiptoed quietly down the hallway, standing in front of the door, you pressed your ear against it but heard nothing other than the sound of the shower running.

"Jaebum?" You whispered, gently knocking on the door, but there was no answer. You turned the knob, and opened the door. You saw your boyfriend standing there with his back turned to you. "Oh my god, Jae, we have to go! There are fucking zombies outside!" You gasp, still having a hard time believing those words that were coming from your mouth. In a split second he turned around, his face was beginning to contort, one eye was pure white.

"Y/N.. somethings wrong." He chokes out, spitting out blood before he falls to the ground, his body spasming while he froths at the mouth.

You let out a loud scream as you slam the door shut, running down the hallway to grab the duffle bag before heading out. You swing your door open to run out and crash into a man who falls into another group. You turn to apologize but already there were zombies staggering down the hallway at a quick pace. You whisper an apology before you run out the front door, his cries and pleas for help making your heart sink. You release a big breath seeing your car is still there. You climb in your front seat, closing the door as fast as you can and locking all the doors before turning your car on. Just before you were able to put your car in reverse and speed away, a man began banging on your window.

"Please miss, please open your door." He asks. You look at his face, he's sweating, blood splattered all over his face. His fists and arms remain pressed against your window, smearing blood across it. Your eyes drift down and you see a fresh wound - a bite mark and a chunk taken from his arm.

"You were bitten.." You say to him through the window.

"I'm fine. It's fine.. it's not a bite.. please." He begs. He turns to look behind him and looks back at you, panic written all over his face.

"Please miss, they're coming.. please." He cries.

"I can't." You yell, turning your head away from them. You put the car in reverse, stepping on the gas you pull away from him, knocking him to the ground. As your car stops so you can switch it into drive, you watch as the man gets mauled by a herd of the undead. You felt bad, but you couldn't have helped him, even if you wanted to.

You drove towards the freeway, thinking your best bet is to get out of the city. Your eyes were glued to the road and watching the mirrors, you watched as people panicked while driving, crashing into other cars trying to merge first, crashing into medians, and going in all directions. You could feel a panic attack coming along as you finally realized you were all alone. You had no one to talk to, no one to help you and that was terrifying. You glance down at your gas gage, seeing you had almost a full tank, you knew you would be able to make it to the one place that was probably the safest, your cousin Ray's.

You're stuck in traffic with your doors locked as you see a few people running to cars, trying to get in. There's a man, crying and panicking. No one would let him in, a herd of zombies following behind him. You needed to make a quick decision, so you rolled down your window motioning them over to you. "Here, get in." You yell, unlocking your doors. A man climbs into the backseat of your car, and you quickly lock the doors as soon as the door closes.

"Thank you." The man cries

"Have you been bitten?" You ask, turning to look him over.

"No.. no I haven't. Some men.. they pulled me out of my car, and took off, leaving me out there to die." The man explains. "You're the first person who offered me any help."

"I'm glad I could help." You smile through your rear view. "My cousin has a farm just an hour or so up from here. My family is heading there now. He's been preparing for an apocalypse for a long time. We should be safe there." You explain.

Earlier you had gotten a frantic call from your mother, her asking if you had seen what was going on. You couldn't understand why she thought you lived under a rock and didn't know anything. You did leave your house and listen to the news, contrary to popular belief.

"Thank you, thank you." He cries. You just smile as you continue to drive to Ray's farm.

**

An hour later you take a left turn, driving down the gravel road that leads you to the farm house. You drive slowly, seeing your mom's car, your aunt's car and a few other relatives. You sighed a sigh of relief, knowing that your family was safe. The two of you get out of the car and quietly make your way to the door. You softly knock but there's no answer. You turn the door knob, pushing the door open and it's empty. You walk down the small hallway and hear nothing. Your mom isn't talking, Ray wasn't yelling, no one was making a sound and that was very unusual for your family.

"Hello?" You call out.

You hear footsteps coming from down the hall as the two of you stand around the kitchen. "Hurry up." You laugh and cry.

As the footsteps got closer, you could hear snarling. Your laughter stopped as your cousin Ray came out of the back room. "Zombies." You whisper, backing away.

Not far behind him was your mom, dad, and aunt all coming out, rushing towards you all. "Run!" You scream, heading towards the door. You pull it open, the man behind you trying to get out the door, but he falls, crying as the undead come closer. He's doing his best to fight the zombies off but more stagger out from the back room, there are too many for him. "Run! Save yourself! If you meet my wife, her name is H/N, tell her I love her and our daughter." He yells. "I was trying to get home to them." He yells.

He's trying so hard to fight them, but he's bitten, he screams in agony as he's being ripped to shreds, his body being mauled by the undead.

His screams are now silent, the only sound filling the room is the sound of flesh being torn through.

You close the door, running back to your car. You see a gas can on the side of the house. You rummage through your car, knowing that you have a lighter somewhere in there. You remembered the argument you and Jaebum had gotten into about smoking and he tossed his lighter in your car.

Found it, under the passenger seat. As you went to get out of the car, you noticed something in the backseat.

A wallet.

You grabbed it, opening it up to see the license. It was the man's.

"Kim Jongdae." You whisper. You felt sorry for him, but you couldn't take long to mourn. You needed to be alert and get back on the road. You take your lighter and run to the gasoline. You pour it all over the front of the house, seeing your undead family banging against your windows broke your heart but you needed to do this. You flick the lighter, igniting the flame and throw it onto the ground. The house lights up, the flames quickly engulfing the house. You walk back to your car, slide into the driver's seat and sit there, tears pouring down your cheeks. You have no family, no friends, you have no one.

No one is coming to save you. You watch as your family and the house burn to the ground, exploding in the process.

That made you laugh a little bit, thinking of all the illegal shit your cousin Ray had in his basement.

A while later you get yourself together and drive over to the barn. If you knew anything about your cousin, it is that he always stored something in his barn, besides his pride and joy of a car, his old bronco, Monty. You pull the doors open, and take the tarp off the car, revealing its shine. Just as you remembered it. You peaked in the driver's side and sure enough, the keys were dangling from the ignition.

You began walking slowly to the back of the barn, opening another door, and here you found the jackpot.

Guns.

From a machine gun, to a pistol, to a shotgun. You gathered them all, putting the guns and the ammo in the backseat of Monty. You grab your bags from your car, tossing them in as well before looking around to see if there was anything else you could take. You notice a radio, but don't think much of it at the moment.

You climb into the driver's seat, and pull out of the barn, feeling safer than you have all day. You keep driving down the deserted highway. Abandoned cars everywhere, a few bodies laying around but most of all, no zombies but also no humans either. You're barely paying attention to the road, when you hit something, causing you to swerve, and the car to make a funny noise. You get out to check and see your front tire, flat as fuck.

You didn't have a spare. It was getting dark and you were exhausted. You moved most of the guns to the floor of the back seat, grabbing a blanket and some food and water. You change your clothes, wiping yourself down before having a snack. Laying down in the backseat you try to plan out your next move, but your eyelids get too heavy, and you can't fight it anymore. You doze off completely, and for a little while, forget about the disaster you're in.

You stayed in your car for weeks, never coming across anyone human. You missed talking to someone, talking to yourself wasn't the same. At times you almost forgot what your own voice sounded like. When it was safe, you'd get out of the car and wander around the forest, collecting sticks and branches to make fires with, so you could heat up some of your food. You have some, but you were starting to run low and you didn't know what you were going to do when it ran out. You were limiting yourself to one meal a day but even that didn't seem to help.

You learned when zombies came near the car, in a few or a herd, you needed to hide yourself very well. No moving, light breathing and packed under a lot of things. You were sure if they couldn't see you then they would continue on their way and leave. It almost always worked.

Life in the apocalypse was lonely and exhausting. That night you went to sleep, hoping for a miracle.

You're woken up later, by a frantic tapping on your window. Your eyes adjust to the sun as you look directly out your back window. A group of men stand there, all looking terrified as one of them taps on your window harder. You crawl up to the front driver's seat. You know you can't go anywhere, not with your busted tire. You turn the car on, rolling down your window just a crack.

"What?" You ask, side eyeing all of them.

"Please, we won't hurt you.. we just need a ride. There.. there's a military base a few miles up, but we just can't walk anymore. We haven't come across anyone, human in a while." He stutters.

"My tire is flat." You explain. "I don't have a spare."

"I can change it for you, just gotta take one off another car." A man pipes up.

You didn't feel uneasy from these guys and you were one to always trust your instincts.

"You change the tire, I'll give you a ride." You say. A military base? Maybe it would finally be somewhere safe for you to be.

The man nods and gets to work. By the time he's done the sun is beginning to set, and then you're on your journey to hopefully find somewhere safe.

You're driving down the highway, doing your best to follow the men's map that has every military base mapped out in the 100 miles surrounding the area. "What are your names?" You ask.

"I'm Changbin." The one in the front seat answers. "I'm Chan, and this is Felix." One in the back answers.

"Nice to meet you. I'm Y/N." You say with a smile. As you continue to drive, it quickly becomes night time, everything is black, except for the dim lights coming from your headlights. The two men in the back continue to loudly talk and argue over something, making it hard for you to concentrate. You hated driving at night, especially near wooded areas, you never knew what was out there.

"Can you guys stop?" You ask, glancing to the back.

They continued and got louder. Changbin was asleep in the front seat as they continued their bickering, making you get even more flustered. You turn your head to look back at them, telling them again to stop. They look at each other as you look back at the road and see something standing there. You get startled, yanking the wheel to try and avoid it, heading directly into the woods. The car heads straight on towards a tree and crashes. You hit your head hard on the steering wheel, knocking you out.

What feels like hours, but only seconds later you gain consciousness, just in time to hear Changbin and Chan crying. "She killed him." Changbin cried. "I'm gonna kill her." He yells.

You're struggling to open your eyes, your head is pounding.

You can hear some rustling between the two. "Don't." Chan says. "Leave her. She's in no condition to go anywhere. The undead will get her. She'll get her suffering, ``he says. "Let's take what we can and leave."

"No." You whisper. "Don't."

They can't hear you.

You can hear them rummaging through your car, collecting your guns, your food, your water, everything you had.

"Let's go." Changbin says, they both take off, leaving you there to die as you lose consciousness once again.

**

You're startled awake, surrounded by darkness. You unbuckle your seatbelt, getting out of the car with your head pounding. Your headlights are still on, and you see Felix's body laying on the ground. He had flown through the windshield from the impact of the crash. He wasn't wearing a seatbelt. You begin to cry, this was too much for you.

And then you remember. You look up and see a herd of zombies staggering towards you. They were quicker than you thought. You turned towards the road, running as fast as you could, your leg was throbbing. You run across the road to the other side of the woods. You can hear the snarling behind you as you do your best to navigate through the trees, branches breaking beneath your feet.

You stop, hiding behind a tree, trying to control your breathing. You listen, you can hear the sounds of them walking through the forest, searching for you. You take a second before you take off again, trying to zigzag through the woods in your best attempt to lose them.

You look up, seeing a fire. You run towards it, the flames becoming closer, you can hear the sound of faint words.

Then everything goes quiet. Suddenly the fire is put out and you can hear the sounds of guns clicking.

"Don't shoot." You yell out. "Please."

"What do you want?" A woman yells back.

"I'm.. there's a herd following me. I need help. I was in an accident, I was robbed. I haven't been bitten." You stutter.

"We don't need anyone else." A man yells. "Keep moving."

"Please.. I just need some help. I'm all alone." You cry.

"Move along, before I put a bullet in your head." He yells.

You let out a sob as you turn, beginning to run a different way. You hope you can find a safe place and a group of people but for tonight, you just hope you can survive the night.

**

It had been months.

Months since the outbreak, months of being on your own, months of fighting, scavenging, and hiding. You had come across a few groups, but they wanted nothing more than to take what you had and leave you defenseless. You had learned to hide from most people, giving yourself the advantage of a surprise attack. Most of the time you were successful and they just took off but sometimes they also fought back.

A week ago you had come across a small town, and had found some food and water and a place to stay, but you knew better than to stay in one place for too long. You quickly packed up your belongings into your backpack and grabbed your large spear. You learned awfully quick how to take down a zombie with it, finding it to be much more efficient than a gun, especially with having spears on both sides.

As you walk through the forest, your eyes and ears are open, listening for any signs of the undead. You stop in your tracks, hearing the sound of grunting and yelling, sounding close to you. You walk towards the sound, and come into view of four men trying to fight off a herd. They looked to be struggling, and although you don't usually like to insert yourself into others' fights, you felt like being nice and lending a hand. You run towards them, spearing a few in the head on your way.

You quickly join the fight, taking down a few zombies, as they get a little distracted, seeing another person helping.

"Focus." A man yells, bringing them out of the confusion.

A few minutes later, the last one is stabbed in the head, his decaying body dropping to the ground. The four men turn to look at you, two of them with a smile on their faces, one looking a little confused and the other one looking right angry.

"Hi." One with brown hair and a large smile says.

"Thank you." The blonde one grins.

"No problem." You laugh.

"I'm Baekhyun, this is Chanyeol." He introduces. "And that's Suho." He says, pointing to the confused one. "And that's Kyungsoo." He finishes, pointing to the angry one.

"Nice to meet you all." You say. "I'm Y/N."

"Are you all alone?" Chanyeol asks.

You nod your head.

"What's your story, Y/N?" Suho asks.

You smile awkwardly as you look at the four men who surround you. "My boyfriend turned into one of them when this whole thing started, so I was on my own from the beginning, in a sense. I met a man on my way to my cousin's farm, where my family was gathering, and when we got there they all had already turned. He..he tripped and he fell while trying to escape and he was bitten." You shudder. "I gathered supplies and I took off, and ended up with a flat tire a few hours away. I stayed in my car for weeks, managing pretty well on my own. I met three guys who offered to change my tire for a ride to a military base but when we finally got going.. it was dark and they were arguing in the back." You explain. "I turned around to tell them to stop, but they wouldn't listen and when I looked back at the road, there was something there and I swerved." You sigh. "We hit a tree, and one of them flew through the window. The other two robbed me of everything I had and I've been alone ever since."

"Well not anymore you're not." Baekhyun smiles. "You can join our group."

"Yeah!" Chanyeol exclaims.

"No." Kyungsoo grunts, walking past you, glaring at you. "We didn't need your help. And you're not joining us." He spits. "You're not going to let her join, right?" He asks Suho.

"I don't know." Suho sighs.

"Suho, everyone around her dies. She's bad fucking luck and if you bring her with us, we're all as good as dead." He spits.

"Meeting." Suho announces.

The four men huddle around, whispering to each other. You can make out Baekhyun and Chanyeol saying yes, and Kyungsoo saying no.

Seconds later they all stand up, Kyungsoo looking pissed with the other two looking happier than a pig in shit.

"If you would like to, we would like to invite you to join us. We know it's tough out here, and I can't imagine what it's been like to be alone." Suho says.

You look between all the men, even if one hated you for no reason, you were tired of being alone, and being scared alone.

"Yes." You announce. "Thank you."

"Come on, our camp is this way." Chanyeol smiles, waving you along. Three men begin walking away, but Kyungsoo walks towards you.

"I don't trust you." He murmurs, moving in close. "If anyone from this group so much as gets a splinter, I'm coming for you." He growls into your ear, his tone is low and very threatening. Goosebumps cover your skin as you feel his hot breath on your ear.

You nod your head.

He turns away from you, running towards the rest of his group.

Maybe this wasn't such a good idea?

**

You felt like your legs were going to collapse as you continued to walk behind the group. Baekhyun turns around, smiling as he announces you have arrived. You look around and see a bunch of trees, but no camp, except for the small campfire pit that sat on the ground.

"It's.. nice." You smile.

Chanyeol, Suho and Baekhyun start laughing.

"Look up." Chanyeol says.

You tilt your head to the sky, and see a decent sized tree house sitting between a few trees. Your jaw drops, this was one thing you had never expected to see. "Come, we'll give you a tour." Baekhyun says, beginning to climb up the swinging ladder. You follow behind Baekhyun, the rest coming up behind you. When you get inside, you're honestly still amazed. It wasn't much but it was safe and it was out of the way and off the ground.

"We pull up the ladder when we're here, and when we all leave we just hide it." Suho explains. "We have food, water and sleeping bags. The most important things. We all pitch in around here, whether or not it's repairs, runs, or fights, everyone helps." He says, looking at you.

"Of course. Whatever I can do to help, I will." You assure them.

"Or don't, I'm not ready to die." Kyungsoo mutters, setting his stuff down.

Your eyes darted over to Kyungsoo, giving him an offended look. He looks back at you, not caring if he's hurt your feelings. You can sort of understand why he's weary of you, but it's not like you killed these people for the hell of it. You were determined to prove that it wasn't you, that you weren't bad luck. How you were going to do that, you had no idea.

**

That night you sat around a campfire, your belly fuller than it's been in a while, while you listened to stories Baekhyun and Chanyeol shared about their friend group. As it turned out, there were a total of twelve of them when this first started. Some of them were unfortunate to be ones who had gotten the batch of vaccines, a few they had lost while traveling, some died in fights, or took off to find their loved ones.

"Have you come across any of them?" You ask.

"We've looked, but no luck so far. There are two we're still looking for. Oh Sehun and Kim Jongdae." Suho says.

Your heart stops. Your head darts up, looking at him with wide eyes.

"What?" Chanyeol asks.

"What was that last name?" You whisper.

"Kim Jongdae? He was one of our best friends." Suho tells you.

You gulp, there's a ball forming in your throat. "What?" Kyungsoo yells. "What do you know?"

"I.. He said he was trying to get back to his wife and kid.. h-he told me to run and save myself. I wanted to help him b-but I didn't know how." You choke out.

"The man that was bitten at your farm. That was Jongdae?" Kyungsoo asks.

"I saw his license in his wallet.. he had dropped it in my car when we got out. I'm so sorry." You cry.

Kyungsoo rushes towards you, tackling you to the ground, straddling you.

"You fucking bitch, I knew you shouldn't have joined us. It should have fucking been you. You should have died, not him." He screams in your face, spit flying from his mouth as he hands pin your shoulders to the ground.

You're bawling as Suho and Chanyeol pull Kyungsoo off of you, he's still crying and yelling. "It should have been you!" He yells.

Baekhyun helps you off the ground, guiding you to go up into the tree house. He sets out a sleeping bag for you, tucking you in as you cry into the built in pillow. 'I'm so sorry." You whimper.

"I know. And we know it's not your fault. Jongdae was a clumsy motherfucker so I'm not surprised he tripped. Don't take what Kyungsoo says to heart. He's been through alot and he's not warm to new people. Just give him a bit." Baekhyun tells you. He gives you a half smile before climbing down the ladder and sitting back around the fire, helping to calm things down. That night you fell asleep with tears staining your face.

**

Days bled into weeks, and then into months, until this new life and these men were all that were at the top of your mind. Chanyeol had finally been able to make contact with the ham radio that had been found on one of many expeditions. There seemingly were whole groups of people like yourselves out there, sticking together and trying to survive. You reflected on the wonder of it all as you cleaned the rabbit you had caught, the best you could.

Kyungsoo had become different with you, he didnt give off a hatred towards you anymore. His words didn't cut quite as deep. Slowly you were becoming closer, and you enjoyed it.

Suddenly, you feel a presence behind you, waves of hot breath covering the nape of your neck, sending chills down your spine. He didn't even need to speak, you already knew who it was. "You're doing it wrong." Kyungsoo breathed, his body close to yours.

"I'm not." You retort, continuing to skin the dead animal. You tried to ignore his presence, and that fact that he made you feel so many mixed emotions whenever he was around.

You both hear a crunch of leaves behind you, making Kyungsoo step away from you and turn around.

"What are you guys doing?" Baekhyun asks, raising his eyebrow.

"She's skinning the rabbit wrong. She's going to take off all the meat with the fur." Kyungsoo announces.

"I am not.. shit." You spit, looking on the ground, seeing hunks of meat still attached to the fur.

"Told you." He mumbles, walking away and into the forest to try and find more food.

You stick up your middle finger at the man who drove you crazy day in and day out.

"Y/N." Suho calls out to you, a few hours later. "If you want to take a bath, go to the stream now. It's going to be dark soon."

You nod your head, climbing up the ladder to grab your things. You slide back down, just in time for Kyungsoo to be protesting something.

"We've all got other things to do, you're the only one free." Suho tells him. "Y/N, Kyungsoo will be keeping watch for you."

"I really don't ne.." you start.

"Yes you do." He says, looking at you. "And you will go. That's it."

With an aggravated groan, Kyungsoo stomps off towards the stream, with your speed walking to keep up with him.

As you finish up your wash, you dry yourself off with your towel, pulling your jeans on over your damp legs. You bend down to grab your shirt, when you hear a rustling from behind you. You stand up straight, your heart pounding in your chest.

You hear it again, the sound now closer to you. "Fuck." You scream, running towards Kyungsoo. Your body collides with his, your breasts pressing against his hard chest. "There's something out there." You whisper.

You both hear the sound, Kyungsoo holding onto you as his eyes dart around, taking in the surroundings. Seconds later a deer walks out of the bushes, grazing and you can feel your heart slow down.

"It's a deer." He announces, looking at you. You look back at him, your eyes trailing to his heart shaped lips. Your own set of lips parting slightly as you look back at him, his eyes haven't moved from your face. Without thinking you inch yourself forward, which causes Kyungsoo to inch back. Your stomach sinks. You cannot believe you just did that. Why did you think that he would return a kiss?

"We should head back." He says, avoiding eye contact and clearing his throat.

You feel so embarrassed. You quickly whisper an apology before grabbing your things and taking off, hearing a faint "wait." From behind you. You're running through the words, desperately trying not to cry as you can hear Kyungsoo running behind you.

You finally slow down, trying to catch your breath as your lips quiver. You hear a stick break behind you. You turn around with a sigh, and come face to face with a zombie, snarling as he reaches out for you. You scream loudly as you try to fight it off, tripping in the process. You fall back with him on top of you as he tries to go in for a bite. Black bile is seeping from his mouth, his breath is rancid.

"Help!" You scream out, one hand trying to reach for something, anything that would help you take him out.

Suddenly his body goes limp and you hear the sound of a sword coming out of his head. You roll the body off of you, and see Chanyeol smiling above you.

"Thank you." You sigh in relief. Chanyeol puts out his hand to help you up, when he's attacked. Another zombie staggers up to him, latching his teeth to Chanyeol's neck. He screams out in agony as the monster devours him before your eyes.

"No!" You cry. You take Chanyeol's sword, putting the blade right through the zombie's skull. Chanyeol sinks to the ground, sobbing while he holds his neck. "I'm sorry." You cry. "I'm so so sorry."

"It's.. not.. your...fault." He breathes. "Tell them.. I love them.." he stutters.

Kyungsoo, Baekhyun and Suho rush to Chanyeol's side. Baekhyun is sobbing while Kyungsoo and Suho hold back their tears.

"I didn't.. I didn't know there was a second one." You sob.

Kyungsoo walks over to you, his face stone cold. He wraps one arm around you, pulling you in close to him. "It's not your fault." He murmurs. The two of you stand there, watching the life drain from Chanyeol's eyes.

Baekhyun announces he will be the one to put Chanyeol down, but would like to do it in private. Three of you walk away from the sobbing man, your heart full of guilt.

**

The next day, the camp is quiet. You were busy making wood spears, like Chanyeol had taught you a few weeks ago. You couldn't even look at Baekhyun. You knew the two of them were best friends and your heart hurt so badly that Chanyeol died while trying to save you.

Had you not been so stupid and tried to kiss Kyungsoo, then this would never have happened. You knew this was your fault and there was nothing you could do to make it better. You can't bring Chanyeol back and you really wish you could.

"Careful." You hear from behind you. You turn your head and see Kyungsoo leaning against a tree. "If you keep sharpening it like that you're going to end up slicing your finger off." He tells you.

"This is how.. Chanyeol showed me how to do it." You say. You could barely speak his name.

Kyungsoo chuckles. "Yeah, he wasn't the best at doing it either." He crouches behind you, wrapping his arms around you to show you the proper way of doing it. Your heart still flutters as he touches you.

"Thank you." You whisper.

"Anytime." He says, standing up and walking away from you.

Fuck. You were so fucked.

**

That night you couldn't sleep. You stared at the empty spot beside you, where Chanyeol used to sleep. You could hear the small whimpers coming from Baekhyun and you just couldn't take it. You slowly slid out of your sleeping bag, slid on some shoes and climbed down the ladder. As you stand in the forest, you take a deep breath of fresh air. You need to gather your thoughts and heal yourself. You begin walking through the woods. It's quiet, and you didn't plan on going very far. As you're walking, you stop to listen. You hear a noise coming from in front of you but you didn't know what it was. You tried your best to hide behind the tree, limiting your breathing as you continue to listen. You can heat twigs breaking and leaves crunching. Your heart begins to race in your chest, you squeeze your eyes shut.This was a bad idea, you should not have left the tree house.

"What are you doing?" You hear from in front of you. You open your eyes and see Kyungsoo standing in front of you.

"I thought.. oh my god." You sigh. "I thought I was going to die."

Before he can say anything you both hear groans and snarls but you're not sure where from. You unintentionally let out a squeak. Kyungsoo covers your mouth with his hand, pushing you up against the tree. His body presses hard against yours, you can feel his hot breath against your neck.

The two of you stay like this for what feels like hours. When the sound is finally gone he pulls away from you.

"What are you doing out here?" He growls.

"I needed some air, and to think." You explain.

"You could die out here. This has to be your stupidest decision." Kyungsoo scoffs.

"No." You begin. Before your brain can tell you not to say anything, your mouth begins to move. "My stupidest decision was trying to kiss you." You say, turning away from him to walk away.

"I was surprised." He announces. "I didn't think you'd try and kiss me. I didn't think you'd even like me. I treated you terribly." He tells you.

"That's probably why I like you unfortunately." You sigh, making him laugh.

As the two of you are walking back towards the house, you hear whispers coming towards you. You both stop, hearing the sound of a gun loading, making you stop in your tracks. Kyungsoo pulls you behind him, moving both of you towards a bigger tree to hide behind.

"Show yourself walker." A man screams. "I know you're out there."

Neither of you say anything. Kyungsoo is against pressed up against your body, shielding you from any danger.

A while later you see a light flashing. It flashes towards your tree, making Kyungsoo push into you more, trying to keep the two of you hidden. The light passes the tree you're behind and continues to walk away. Neither of you move until the light is completely gone and out if sight. Both of you let out a sigh of relief but Kyungsoo doesn't move away from you. His face hovers close to yours, you can feel his breath on your face.

You wait. You wait for what you hope will happen but you don't think that it will come.

Until it does. Kyungsoo presses his lips to yours. You're shocked at first, until he begins moving his lips against yours and you get into it. You wrap your arms around his neck as he slips his tongue into your mouth. You moan into the kiss, making him groan.

"I want to fuck you." He says, his lips still just barely touching yours.

"I want you to fuck me." You breathe.

Kyungsoo turns you around, pushing you up against the tree. He kneels down, pulling down your sweat pants and underwear.

"Spread your legs." He demands.

You spread them as far as you can. You can hear the sound of his belt unbuckling behind you. Your pussy throbs in anticipation. You don't know how big or small he is, but you hope he destroys you. You couldn't even remember the last time you had been fucked at all.

Kyungsoo steps up behind you, taking two fingers and searching between your lips for your hole. He chuckles when he finds it, he can feel your juices dripping from inside of you. "So fucking wet." He groans, slowly pushing his two fingers inside you. Immediately you clench around them, it feels so good. "I needed to make sure you were wet enough, and fuck are you ever." He whispers in your ear.

He pulls his fingers out of you, and lines his cock up with your hold. You're bracing yourself on the tree as he pushes himself inside you. Your eyes practically roll back into your head as he stretches you out.

"Oh god." You cry, your fingernails digging into the tree bark.

"Shit." He cries, slowly pulling out of you before snapping his hips and harshly pushing his cock back inside. "It's gonna be quick." He groans.

That was fine with you, you knew you could rub your clit twice and cum, it had been too long.

Kyungsoo has his hands holding onto your hips as he snaps his, grunting and groaning from behind you. You reach between your legs, touching your clit. You begin to slowly rub it and you can already feel your intense orgasm already building up. You feel like you're going to cum already. His cock feels so nice sliding in and out of your pussy, the sound of his grunts and moans, with the feeling of his hot breath covering you and giving you shivers.

"Cum." He grunts. Your tighten your pussy around him as you orgasm washes over you, leaving your body feeling weak.

Kyungsoo moans loudly as he pulls out of you, jerking his cock to cum all over your ass. He lets out a string of swear words as he releases his load, breathing heavily as he works through it.

You both pull up your pants, and get situated. "We better get back." He says, walking back towarsa camp. You follow closely behind him, confused about your feelings for him, but more so his feelings for you, if there were any.

**

The next day you wake up with the thoughts of what happened last night over flowing through your head. You didn't know how to process this, or what was going to happen now. You decided to see how the day was going to play out and just go about your normal routine.

When you got downstairs you said hi to Suho, Baekhyun and Kyungsoo. Two of them said goodmorning back to you, and one did not. You tried to stop thinking about it but it was hard and you knew he wasn't the type of man to tell you his feelings.

However, all day he ignored you. Anytime you tried to say anything to him, he walked away, he refused to answer you and honestly you felt extremely disrespected. Your eyes burn as you fight off the tears, watching him talk and laugh with Baekhyun while you just get ignored.

Suho on the other hand most definitely noticed something was going on because a little while later you see Suho quietly yelling at Kyungsoo.

"I don't care what you did." Suho spits. "Fix it. I refuse to have a hole in our team because one of us is being a dick. Fucking fix it." He murmurs again before walking away.

**

That night you laid in your sleeping bag, wondering if this is what it was going to be like. You having feelings for Kyungsoo, and him taking advantage of it. Fucking you when it's convenient for him and ignoring you the rest of the time. Even after death, life was still so fucked.

You feel something pressing against you from behind. You slowly roll over and see Kyungsoo laying beside you in his sleeping bag.

"Can we talk?" He asks.

You nod your head.

"I." He begins. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry for the way I treated you, I'm sorry for the things I said and for the way I acted when I found out about Jongdae. Its been hard to lose people, and it's even harder to accept new people into the group. You're doing a great job here and we're lucky to have you." He whispers.

"Thank you." You smile. But you really want to know why he ignored you all day. "What was going on today?" You ask.

"I enjoyed last night. I, um, had a girlfriend when this whole thing started. We got out together, we met up with Suho and Baekhyun and Chanyeol and she really helped build alot of this. I lost her a while ago, and it's been hard. I didn't think I would meet anyone, or fall for anyone else and then you came along. I feel guilty for liking you so much, like I'm cheating." He explains. "I was convincing myself it wasn't cheating."

"I get that. I was in a relationship when this thing started. Unfortunately for me, he ended up being one of the ones who received that does of vaccine. I had to leave him in our apartment and take off." You whisper. "You'll always have her memory with you and it's something you'll treasure. I didn't know her, but I'm sure she wouldn't want you to be sad and mourning her."

"You're right." He sighs. "It's hard to let go, but I do like you, Y/N. I want you to know that."

"I like you too." You smile.

The two of you lay there, whispering to eachother, laughing and enjoying the night. You couldn't have asked for anything better.

**

Over the next few weeks, the others had changed. With Chanyeol being gone, it took a toll on Baekhyun. He often sobbed at night, crawling next to you so you could rub his head while he cried. Your heart went out to him.

This life wasn't easy.

Suho had become much more grimmer and sullen. He barks orders at people, never engaging in coversations anymore. He's tired, everyone is tired with very little of hope for the future. Fighting for your lives everyday, scrounging for food and water is a struggle, however none of this stopped you and Kyungsoo from sneaking off when you could to be together.

Neither of you really talked when you weren't fucking and that was okay with you, you knew he still had feelings for you. It was the little things he did for you when no one was looking that reassured you. You both knew that announcing your relationship to Suho and Baekhyun would not end well, so keeping it between the two of you would be the best.

You announced to Baekhyun and Suho that you were going to the river, they both just nodded while Kyungsoo offered to be your watch.

It didn't take long for him to be pulling off your shirt and for you to slide off your pants and panties. Both of you walked into the cool water, soaking yourselves before Kyungsoo pulled you towards him. He lifts you up, letting you put your legs around him as he leans in for a kiss. You can feel his cock sliding against your pussy, waiting to be pushed in. He breaks the kiss, leaning down to pepper kisses along your neck as he thrusts, pushing himself inside of you.

You throw your head back as he holds you, fucking you harshly. There was never time to fuck slow, you always needed to be quick and get it done, just in case.

He pumps himself into you, his hand reaching between you and him, touching your sensitive bud and rubbing while he pounds his cock into you.

"Fuck baby." He groans. "You feel so fucking good."

You hold him close as your orgasm builds, biting your bottom lip and your hands gripping his hair. "Just like that." You breathe. "Don't stop." You grind yourself on him as you begin to cum, intensifying your orgasm. "Oh god yes." You moan, breathing heavily.

"I'm gunna cum." He moans, thrusting harder. Seconds later he releases himself, shooting his cum inside of you, his head resting on you as he catches his own breath.

"Fuck." He breathes pulling out of you. "I love you." He whispers.

You stare at him with wide eyes. This wasn't something you had been expecting at all, considering you did your best to hide the relationship at all costs. "I know it might be too soon, but I do and I need you to know that."

"I love you too." You smile.

You're brought out of your sweet moment when you hear screaming from Baekhyun and Suho. You both rush out of the water and get dressed as quick as you can before running back to camp.

"What?" You breathe. "What happened?"

Baekhyun and Suho grin as they stare at the radio. "Listen!" Baekhyun yells.

“Our dear citizens, to those who have survived. The WHO has created what promises to be a vaccine. We are asking all our citizens to make their way to the nearest hospital facility. Troops are being deployed along with helicopters and planes to transport as needed. Today … we have hope in the world again”

You all burst into tears. You did it, you survived and met some wonderful people. You have a love you had never thought you'd get again.

Kyungsoo embraces you tightly, crying into your shoulder as you do his. Quickly Suho and Baekhyun join your hug, all of you feeling such relief and happiness, for the first time in a long time.

As quick as you all can, you gather what you need to make the trek to find a hospital. You say a quick goodbye to your site that has kept you safe for so long, before taking off, hand in hand with Kyungsoo, and Baekhyun and Suho on either side of you.

It wasn't long into your journey, when you hear the familiar sounds of zombies wandering through the forest. The four of you prepare yourselves for a fight but as they come out, you realize there are more than you all had anticipated. You try to fight your way through the crowd, but somehow you're separated from the group, trying to take on more than you can. The others are distracted, they aren't paying attention to your calls for help. A zombie lunges at you, knocking you back. You're crying loudly but no one is coming to help. The other zombies kneel beside you as you keep trying to fight them off, but one takes a chunk out of your shoulder. You scream in agony as you lose your strength to fight. They're devouring you as you're fading into the darkness. You can hear Kyungsoo yell no and all the pain stops. You see him standing over you as you spit up blood. He's crying over your body, asking you to stay with him but you can't. You're tired of fighting, you want to let go now.

So you do.

You open your eyes and see a film over everything. Your body is sore, the scent of meat makes your mouth water and your stomach cramp. Everything feels stiff but something smells so good. Your hearing is better than ever, picking up the sound of a rapid beating heart and the sound of crying. Wait…Where’s my heart beat? You look with horror at the meat...

“I’m sorry,” he whispers, “I love you.” You reach out to stop the knife but your body is stiff and I responsive as you watch the knife plunging towards you. It’s me you scream in your head as it all goes dark

There is no happiness in life after death.