#i feel like this is the beginning of jess' redemption arc <3

[thenobleprincex]

fanfic roundup ✨

I haven't done one of these in such a long time and I've actually posted quite a lot since then! So here is a brief description of all my fanfics by fandom. If you're a rareshipper like me, you'll probably find something to read? Anyway, I hope you enjoy it <3

Black Sails

💮 a great comfort in you - Slice of life, very domestic Miranda/James feels. If you don't know me, I'm Miranda's no 1 fan and I love writing her and this is just a (bitter)sweet meditation on her and James' relationship. (I got so many amazing comments on this one when I first published it which I absolutely did not expect and still makes me very soft when I think back)

💮 a house you can build - mostly canon compliant, Miranda lives, fix-it fic. This pretty much sums up my feelings about Miranda/Flint/Thomas (I love them!!!) and was the first longish fic I wrote which I'll forever be proud of.

💮 Rarepair Week - This is actually four fics but I'll just sum it up like this. I wrote four fics for BS rarepair week earlier this year, all set in the same modern au. They're very queer and I adore them all. Pairings include Abigail/Idelle (which I continue to be obsessed with), Miranda/Madi, Madi/Flint/Silver, among others

Downton Abbey

💮 something gave you the nerve (to touch my hand) - Tom-centric, canon compliant (series + DA1). Chetwode/Branson/Lucy with lots of Tom feels and Tom (finally!!) breaking free from the Abbey.

💮 it's a love story - I'll forever be in awe that I actually wrote this. It's over 200k, and follows DA's seasons 2 and 3 - Edward lives. Extreme wishful thinking in the best way. Lots of polyam and queerness all around.

💮 thank you for the music (for giving them to me) - Mamma Mia time!!! Basically, DA but to the plot of Mamma Mia 1 (I even made a poster lol). Thomas-centric, Thomas feels, Thomas gets all the love. Polyam. Perfect summer reading

Gilmore Girls

Both of my GG fics are Jess/Rory/Logan, which is as rare as a rareship gets, but I fucking love them. These fics are so near and dear to me 🩷

💮 but i knew you'd linger - Technically canon compliant (including AYITL). Jess-centric. Non-linear timeline.

💮 i can see us (lost in the memory) - Canon divergent: Jess never goes to Stars Hollows. Very summer themed. Probably my only fic with a bittersweet ending (I said at the time that I inteded to write a sequel and I DO but that hasn't happened yet sooooo.... No promises but you can still hold out hope)

Others

💮 Hollywood (TV): when i kissed - I always forget I wrote this fic for some reason lol, but I love this show so much and wanted to create a little something out of it. Jack-centric, baby queer feels.

💮 F.R.I.E.N.D.S: denial is my greatest skill - Chandler-centric. Canon compliant. Future fic. I wrote most of this during my first year of college when I was extremely depressed and it kinda shows haha I love it a lot though. Also, I think the title is so on point, I fucking love it

💮 Babel: tough, tried, and true blue - I read Babel at the beginning of the year and was throughly destroyed by it, but at least I wrote this. Canon compliant, stolen moment kind of fic. Robin pov, Griffin/Anthony

💮Merrily We Roll Along: there is nothing important (that does not include you) - my most recent fic, which I am currently writing! I love it so so much and can't wait to continue it. Canon compliant, all the soft, nostalgic feels, redemption arc, etc. Lots of Frank/Charley/Mary love. I love it

[bellamysgriffin]

Dana Watches Gilmore Girls: Luke Can See Her Face (4x20)

[billiewena]

megstiel and samruby

starting off with the sexiest ones sooooo true <3

megstiel: look, it’s gender swapped enemies-to-lovers where the girl is evil one getting soft and the guy is the good, pure hero going bad (okay, this is samruby a bit too…) how am I, a simple bisexual, not supposed to be into that. I love that meg was a whole fleshed out character with a story and history and motives of her own way before meeting castiel (unlike most female interests on this show #RIP) and that their relationship was basically all chemistry-based in the beginning because they had sooooooo much. and then s7 happened and she stayed with him under the pretense of it just being her main form of self-protection, but it’s clear they actually began to care about each other and wanted to keep the other safe. she actually looked out for him and defended him against the winchesters when he was already in a very vulnerable, self-hating period and I’m like “yes go off queen.”

sometimes I wish the rest of her arc hadn’t been just about them in the end but it’s okay because it was such a bittersweet, tragic ending and done well all considering. I also wish they had a lot more onscreen interaction while they could and it makes me insane how they never show cas grieving her, even for people who somehow only saw it as platonic (which HOW????) you can’t deny that was an important friendship for him at least y’know. but also consider: when he calls her thorny beauty <333

samruby: SAMRUBYYYYY. I used to be “I don’t actually ship it, because it’s #toxic” can you believe. now I’m very “I see it, I enjoy it” + your samruby endgame & t4t truthing definitely made me see the light and enjoy it more and see the true depth of it. so many people were involved in manipulating sam to make the apocalypse happen from the angels to azazel & lilith, but ruby never saw sam as just her part of the lucifer group project. she ALWAYS saw it as helping sam reach his true potential and stop being afraid of his powers and become the king of hell she knew he could be.

and she cares about him soooooo much. we don’t talk enough about how she’s the only reason he’s still alive. like, his revenge mission in-between s3 and s4 was becoming a suicide mission and she refused to let him isolate himself and work/drink himself to death. she protected him, stayed with him, and helped him get stronger & smarter instead. she's literally the only reason he’s still alive, the reason why he kept fighting and got confidence in himself.

also as basically the only m/f romance we get to see interact naturally and often onscreen because spn refuses to let women be main characters, their interactions in s4 make me sooooo. like yes there is the obvious inherent sexiness of blood drinking, that is a given. but they have multitudes! they’re SOFT around each other!! the way she encourages him and cheers him on as he masters his abilities <3 the way he smiles at her approval and support <3 <3 the way she jokes about him being a buff nerd <3 <3 <3

I think in canon the ending is definitely a tragic love story, with ruby truly believing they felt the same and were on the same page (which is still delicious tho.) but with how many pointless characters got added and brought back later on, there was sooo much they could’ve done with a ruby resurrection (not whatever that cameo in s15 was.) a redemption arc, her turning against lucifer, her mysterious past being explored, her and lilith being besties. a sam and ruby relationship post-apocalypse would've been so interesting. like it was the biggest betrayal of his life but also he owes her everything and truly never felt more powerful & confident in himself than when he was with her. also I think it’s insane that they almost never bring her up after s4. like that was the most important relationship of his life outside of jess and you’re just never going to bring that up. I cannot find the suncaptor post about it, but is that he feels like he can't grieve her?

last note: my controversial samruby opinion I guess is that I refuse to think ruby 1.0 & ruby 2.0 are different demons (RESPECT the long con) but do enjoy the ruby-is-jess headcanons when I’m feeling evil (jess and ruby both believed in sam and hated how his family treated him, coincidence? maybe, maybe not)

send me a ship and I’ll give you my (brutally) honest opinion on it

[sepublic]

Musical Car!

           What’s interesting is that the musical has a sign advertising Jesse’s name; Did he stop by the Musical Car at some point and inspire the denizens there with a speech about empathy, and how differences are okay? We know that had to have taken place prior to him, Lake, and Alan Dracula entering the Carnival Car, meeting The Cat, etc. Either way, I’m not at all surprised that someone as open and friendly as him would say such things, especially with an unconventional friend like Lake; And obviously he stuck by his words in the end, didn’t he?

           Lemme tell you though… I was legit disturbed by that raid, as well as seeing those poor denizens get legitimately hurt and injured for no reason at all, and that ONE decapitated dude almost getting wheeled, only to be converted into Simon’s thing; Like, screw you Apex. That’s what makes Simon and Grace interesting; I’ve always imagined the concept of more problematic protagonists for this series, so it’s not much of a surprise to see Book 3 dive into this! Given how much more, well… WORSE Simon and Grace are, pehaps it’s not all-too surprise that their arc was confined to HBO Max, given the even more mature tone set by them and their actions!

           Honestly, those two rapidly switch and range from terrible, nasty jerks I want to punch, to misfits with banter and chemistry, and plenty of comradery; Especially for people they DO care about! It really drives the point home that not every bad person is PURE evil, like they don’t spend every waking moment plotting how terrible they can be, and most don’t even consider themselves as bad! It’s disconcerting, but a good look into their mindset; With Grace genuinely trying to be nice and caring to the kids and not hurting their feelings, but also repeating Amelia’s lies about the train denizens being there for the passengers’ benefit, and… More on that later.

           Also- Glad to see Grace make fun of Simon’s fashion sense and acknowledge it, but at the same time… Either he was ten when he began to wear socks with sandals, AND/OR he was ten when he first met Grace; Presumably on the Infinity Train, although the idea of two individuals knowing one another PRIOR to boarding it is also fascinating! Especially given how Book 2 discussed the idea of fate and pre-determination in one’s paths and all…

           It’s interesting to see that not all Apex kids are against the denizens, like some DO want to make friends with them (albeit in a very invasive manner), but Grace and Simon just shut them down. I have to wonder if they themselves also had a similar moment with Amelia, only to be brutally shut down; And Amelia is objectively worse than those two considering how much higher her number is, and how SHE was the one who started this dumb ideology in the first place (instead of just being taught it at a vulnerable moment in her life like everybody else)!

           What’s worth noting is that Simon has a device that can detect the presence of other passengers, which is both VERY cool and VERY useful; I have to wonder if it’ll detect Hazel in the Jungle Car however. Given the speculation of her being a train denizen, it’d serve as neat, subtle foreshadowing as to her true nature, and I can see the show touching upon this! Also, the aesthetics of that device reminds me of what The Cat would own; Given how she’ll make a return this Book and has had a run-in with at least Grace in the past, I can easily see it being something she’d own. She IS a collector of useful things, after all… And I have to wonder if maybe The Cat was even a companion of Simon or Grace; Or maybe even Amelia! Perhaps the Passenger-Detector was a ‘gift’ from Amelia…

           (I mean, they HAVE to bring her back in Book 3, given how her ideology and actions are a direct consequence of everything that happens, and would fit nicely into her eventual redemption arc. Not to mention it’d give a fascinating insight as to what was going on in her mind when she indoctrinated the Apex.)

           Neat detail seeing the Unfinished Car with those corgi diplomats, and nice joke with that one turtle talking to what’s later revealed to be a phone with a line that’s already cut anyway! Grace breaking her Harpoon Pack makes sense; She wasn’t seen with one in the trailer and posters, and I guess it’d help ‘balance’ things if only one protagonist had a Harpoon Pack; So they can’t just skip over cars on their way back!

           Speaking of a way back; We have a set number of cars leading back to the Mall Car, so in other words we have a way of keeping track of the journey’s progress! It IS worth noting that the cars could always rearrange… It’s interesting to learn that cars apparently don’t move when passengers are inside; I always assumed that sometimes they might’ve and a passenger wouldn’t notice because all the cars look identical from the outside, and also being inside a pocket-dimension kind of skews around with the sensation of what’s going on outside. It’s possible that Simon and Grace actually felt the movement because of the Unfinished Car’s unusual nature…

           Regardless, after that disturbing opening scene it makes sense that One-One is stepping in! Given how he values the passengers more than the denizens (as seen with his second and final interaction with Lake), it makes me wonder how much he actually CARES; Or if he can’t afford to have people ‘breaking equipment’, and/or is mostly doing this to lean the Apex towards becoming better people by confronting them over their actions! At this point, they may end up pushing One-One too much and he’ll have to send in his Steward…

           Getting onto some existential crisis, the cruel thing about Simon and Grace saying that the denizens are made for them is… They’re actually kind of right? NOT that this justifies at all their wanton, senseless cruelty towards the train denizens… But it ties back to Lake’s existential crisis in Book 2, the realization and likelihood that she (and maybe even the Mirror World) was made purely for the character development of people like Tulip and Jesse! One-One himself outright says in the Book 2 Finale that, YEAH; Train Denizens are supposed to stay on the train because their entire purpose, their entire means of creation was just to fulfill what the passengers need!

           …Obviously, using them for raids ISN’T what One-One (and/or whoever made the Infinity Train/the Infinity Train itself) intended… But the disturbing realization still stands that the denizens’ purpose and creation in life is for the betterment of passengers, to accompany them, aid them… In the past, I’ve speculated how some Cars and their inhabitants don’t seem to have much of a personality beyond being a basic caricature to fulfill the ‘theme’ of a car, as well as aiding in passengers’ journeys! And obviously they’re all PEOPLE, but again this ties back into just how real the pasts and worlds of denizens were, as discussed by Mace; The idea that entire histories and cultures have been fabricated, and pre-programmed into the memories of denizens.

           Needless to say, it’s very disturbing… And if Simon and Grace ever change their stance on denizens and even start vouching for them, it’d be a brilliant reversal of their beginning attitudes to have them call out One-One for making sapient people for the sole purpose of serving others; Which could be a dilemma for him given how HE may have been made for the purpose of others! Given how Amelia taught the Apex her ideals, and she was Conductor for a time and thus had rather intimate knowledge of the Infinity Train… perhaps what she says about the denizens being just ‘toys’, made for the passengers, isn’t too far a stretch from the truth; Obviously a dark, twisted, and selfish distortion. But it’s emblematic, reflecting a deeper, underlying issue that could lie with the Infinity Train itself.

           (Especially since Owen Dennis said that One-One and the Infinity Train can be wrong…)

           Given how Amelia made cars with denizens that only ‘turned on’ once a car was considered ‘complete’ (or close to it), it suggests that she knows all about the artificial, pre-programmed nature of denizens because she’s made a few ones; Which when coupled with how she probably tried to make a Fake Alrick, and ultimately realized that a replica would never be the same… Eerily, it lends to the idea that part of what made Amelia realize this at the end of Book 1, was her mindset that denizens are just follow, fake copies of pre-existing things and aren’t even real to begin with.

           THAT is a cruel twist; That the very ideas that founded the Apex and caused our issues in Book 3, were low-key what helped Amelia wake up from her fantasy and realize that she needed to confront her issues! Given how high her number is, it only makes sense that while she’s making progress, she STILL has some more fundamental problems to tackle; Specifically the idea that while denizens aren’t the same or ‘real’ as the original, they’re still people and whatnot!

           All in all, a VERY fascinating watch! Just eleven minutes, but I’m hooked in; Sure this does tie a lot back to previously-established concepts, but what story-driven show doesn’t? It really recontextualizes and makes you think back about what WAS discussed already and how it changes with the more we learn and explore!

[salmonthestoryteller]

End of Season 2 Reactions and Season 3 Speculation (RNM)

Charlie is officially my fav new character.  Please tell me we get to keep her and Jenna for s3.

Can we talk about the bomb?  Y’know, the alien killing bomb that apparently had a radius of five feet?  Seriously, Charlie talked about this dropping on a city and being able to kill specific people.  In a city.  How did throwing the bomb maybe ten feet into the desert at the edge of where Crash Con was taking place somehow prevent it from spreading to the other aliens?  Are we just supposed to assume that Flint is that bad at designing bombs?

Holy shit, they killed Jesse and I wasn’t expecting that.

Jesse’s line about there being no more Manes has my head whirling with thoughts. I didn’t think Flint and Jesse’s scene Michael eavesdropped on was real - but now I’m thinking that it is and that Flint really did kidnap Alex from Jesse because he didn’t want Jesse to kill him.  As was him telling him he wasn’t in charge anymore.  Also, it makes me question a lot of things about the fourth brother.  Including if he is Jesse’s son at all.

One thing I am unclear on - was DS a real organization or just a lie Jesse fed them?  Flint had the rifle - so he’s who shot Charlie.  And Helena is the one who kidnapped Jenna.  That makes it seem like DS was never a real thing.  However, I can’t help but feel it won’t be that simple. There's still the question of the horror movie twins from 02x06, Forrest's ring, and the fact Charlie seemed to have heard about them before.

I do agree with what Michael said  - that he would have still built the bomb if Flint and Helena had kidnapped Maria.  But, he also would have built it if they’d kidnapped Max, Isobel, or Liz.  Heck, probably any of the core group, including Kyle.  That’s just Michael’s personality.  The facts are that he gave up his future to protect Isobel at 17.  Gave up his ship to build Max a pacer.  Built a bomb that kills aliens to save Alex.  Heck, he had the chance to kill Jesse in the warehouse the day he found out about Alex’s kidnapping - and he didn’t.  Michael would throw himself in front of a bullet for the people he cares about - and deny it the entire time.  So, yes, he still would have built the bomb to protect Maria.  But that wasn’t really the important part of what went down during the kidnapping sequence in regards to Malex - what he said to Jesse and Flint about how Alex changed his whole view of humans and himself - that’s something he couldn’t say about anyone else.

I suspected Forrest would be around for s3.  I just hope he has a plot beyond being Alex’s boyfriend.  That’s part of my issue with Steph - she is so unintegral to the plot it’s hard to care about what’s happening with her. I don’t want to spend season 3 feeling the same way about Forrest.

I expected an Echo break up at the end of season 2 - I just have tons of mixed feelings about the situation they chose.  Because I'm partly on Max’s side, but not really on either.  Both Liz and Max were making decisions about the whole thing without asking for Isobel and Michael’s opinions.  And they definitely should have gotten a say.  So, in actuality, they were both jerks and out of line.

(Expect a rant about Health in s2 soon.)

Okay, so “It takes three” is a lock? And, if so, how did they lock it to begin with?

This was not the Dark Max plot I was expecting - but I’ll take it.

So, I thought the Stowaway might be Max’s father, but he doesn’t say son in the ending scene so now I’m not sure.  Is he a clone?  Max’s twin brother?  Was the reason Max drew the symbol as a child because the Stowaway was reaching out telepathically for him?  Hm…

Some last bits of Spec.

Michael gets to almost die next season. Isobel almost died in s1, and Max was dead through half of s2. So that leaves it to be Michael's turn for a near death experience.

Steph is going to die anyway because of side effects of Liz's miracle cure.

Either the Stowaway is going to escape, and finding and stopping him will be s3’s main mystery.  Or they’re going to keep him around, with Max defending that he isn’t evil, despite all warnings to the contrary, and he will of course be evil.

I am curious what new human evil they will introduce with Jesse unexpectedly dead.  I don’t think it will be Flint.  Partly because I don’t think he can carry being the main villain as a character.  But also because I still feel they’re playing a long term redemption arc for him - based on his and Alex’s conversation about when the last time he created something that didn’t kill and Alex’s comments about redemption to Kyle. Plus, we still haven’t gotten an answer about what Jesse was blackmailing Flint with that was hinted at in s1.  Alex was wrong about trusting Jesse, but I don’t think they’ll have him be wrong twice - in terms of his character arc, his belief in others needs to be rewarded in the end.  That doesn’t mean Flint won’t continue to be an antagonist in s3, but I’m betting on him ultimately seeing the error of his ways and sacrificing himself for Alex.  Or possibly for Michael because of how much Alex loves him.

There is still the chance of introducing the real DS as villains - something that could affect Forrest, if he is part of DS.  Otherwise, Diego’s boss is also a likely candidate.

[gra-sonas]

Hiiii! What are you thoughts about RNM finale! How do you feel about it? I'm glad Alex was happy and I kind of understand why Micha walked out in the middle of the song even though I know some people didn't like it... Anyways! Hope you have a great day! 😁

Hi nonnie!

Am I having a great day, running on roughly 2 hours of sleep and sheer force of will? Debatable. :P

I’ve been listening to Tyler’s song all day tho, that has definitely improved my mood significantly. I’ll never be over the beauty that is this Malex song. WE GOT A MALEX SONG, Y’ALL!!!! And Tyler’s voice... yeah, the absolute best thing ever. I’m at peace just listening to him. 🥰

WOULD YOU COME HOME is without a doubt the best thing of this episode, the best thing of the season tbh. With that being said, I wrote down some more things.

Putting this incoherent mess behind a cut tho (I’m LJ years old, it’s a cut, not a Read More :P), fingers cross Tumblr doesn’t botch the damn thing.

Hmmmm, I’ll admit that last night (I watched live at 3am, which probably was NOT the best idea, but then I’m an adult, what else am I supposed to do other than make TERRIBLE LIFE CHOICES...), I really hated it.

Nothing made sense, too many questions were left unanswered, Malex were robbed of saying “I love you” to each other first, they were also robbed of an opportunity to talk (dear god, when will they finally TALK, it’s literally all I want), Michael was made to leave IN THE MIDDLE OF THE LOVE LETTER ALEX WAS SINGING TO HIM IN PUBLIC (omfg, I’m still so fucking PISSED about that, I’m FUMING) by the writers just to keep the ~drama going, Malex were robbed of a first public kiss, in one moment at the bar it looks like Michael took the handkerchief off, but there’s no way of telling whether they simply forgot to put it on him, or if it was deliberate and he actually took it off and we were robbed of that very significant moment.

Also ngl, Jesse’s death? Underwhelming. I mean, I’m glad he’s finally gone, but his whole storyline this season was underwhelming and so was his death. Oh well, underwhelming is my rating of S2 overall, guess it makes sense for this super villain to go out with a meh instead of a bang.

Blah, I'm still not super happy about the finale, and I especially wanted Michael to hear the WHOLE song, mainly the final two lines

You were the best of me You are the best of me

but since we can’t have nice things it’s not surprising that I’m not a huge fan. At least it wasn’t as devastating as 1x13, or as gross and triggering in 2x06, small mercies, I guess :P

Ngl, the Forlex kiss didn’t spark joy for me personally. I’m a mono shipper, and just like I hated seeing Michael kiss someone else, I hated seeing Alex do the same. But I understand why he did it. Michael left halfway through the song, and Alex was so relieved and proud of himself that he sang it, and Forrest was right there (wearing his Deep Sky ring 👀).

And hey, Alex asked and Forrest gave enthusiastic consent, I appreciate that very much!

I also really liked that Alex and Michael got to destroy the damn shed. I absolutely ADORE that Gregory was there when Alex sang,  alive and looking like the proudest big brother ever (like you don’t even know HOW MUCH I love him!!! ). Tanner’s such an amazing addition to the cast and I hope we’ll get to see him more often next season!

I’m glad that neither Alex or Michael were burdened with Jesse’s death, I hate that Gregory is carrying that burden now, but he seems to be better equipped for it, and I think he’ll be okay living with it.

Also a glimmer of hope for my baby Flint and a possible redemption arc? I like it (mainly bc I adore Kiowa, I just want him back).

The Echo breakup was long overdue, IDK, I haven’t cared that much about them as a couple for a long time, they’ve been lying to each other throughout most of the season, insofar it makes perfect sense that they go their separate ways now.

Rrrrosaaaaaa!!! My girl, I’m so damn PROUD of her!!!! She’s doing absolutely amazing, and I hope they’ll bring Iris back for her in S3 as a real friend. She deserves to spend time with people other than the “alien circle” at large.

M/M breakup... let’s just say I’m glad that particular nightmare is finally OVER. Time for Michael to work on himself. He didn’t get much opportunity to do that all season.

I’m a bit worried that due to the larger time jump between S2 and 3 we’ll either not get to see much of his development, or - even worse - he hasn’t worked on himself when we meet him again. That’s why I really rather hate S2 for him as a character. Oh well, that’s something to worry about in a year, I guess.

KYLE. I was happy about the blink-and-you’ll-miss-it Kylex moment, but overall S2′s done him dirty. Constantly sidelined, stuck in a relationship I still don’t care about even a little bit. And now Liz even played “god” and saved Steph (which in itself is a good thing, but Liz has been doing this all season, and no one’s stopped her, and I find that worrisome.) I guess with Steph being saved she’s also going to be in S3? Meh, I couldn’t care less, but also something to worry about next year.

Isobel didn’t get to do all that much this episode, but I love her, she’s had an amazing journey this season, and I feel she’s in a really good place right now. GOOD FOR HER!

SANDERS! Not in this episode, but damn, I love him, and I’m SO glad that MICHAEL’S DAD HAS BEEN INTRODUCED TO US THIS SEASON!

Jenna & Charlie AAAAAAHHHHHHHH, I’m so happy for them! And I’m excited to hopefully see both of them again next season! They are amazing, and as a duo a force to be reckoned with! Excited for Riley’s show Hightown to be renewed, still hope she’ll find time to travel to Santa Fe to be in several episodes of RNM.

Max... Ngl, I’m not a fan of the character. Never have been. And while Max 2.0 was nicer than Max 1.0, I never really warmed up to him. Let’s see how things with “Mr. Jones” and Max will go next season.

Maria... Let’s see how things with her go next season. Maybe she’ll finally be allowed to have a storyline that doesn’t revolve around other people.

Circling back to Alex. I love him, I love him the most. He’s on par with my other favorite character of all time (Derek Hale, in case that wasn’t clear). He’s so important to me, and Tyler did the most exquisite job playing him. S2′s been a difficult season for him and I hated that for him.

The writers held him back at almost every turn, he wasn’t allowed to move on, instead Michael got to “dump” Alex every second episode. Man, it got old real fast. But Alex’s resilience finally hammered it home to Michael, that Alex is not leaving again. He’s right there, and he’ll even show up when Michael calls him. New experience for him, I’m sure.

IDK, this whole season was such a mess, so many things that weren’t resolved in the end, the lack of a main plot kept bothering me, and I hated that some of my favorite S1 friendships were completely sidelined.

I hate that an entire season was wasted on Malex being apart, especially wasted for Michael who had a lot of shit on his plate I hoped he’d get a chance at working through (at least in part) in S2, but that didn’t happen. He had some lightbulb moments, but overall he’s still pretty much in the same spot he was at the beginning of the season.

And while I agree that he’s not ready to be with Alex atm, I hate that he did not communicate that to Alex properly, and instead left halfway through Alex’s song.

IDK, I just feel like pretty much every fanfic writer in our fandom would’ve done a better job at writing them this season, they would’ve been allowed to move forward separately, but still towards a common goal.

I know, they are endgame, there’s no doubt about that, but I’m TIRED of them not talking. And especially after Alex’s performance.

Either way, I don’t think any of this makes much sense, coherent thoughts, I don’t have them atm. I’ll need more time to think things through, and maybe my overall negative opinion of this season won’t be quite so negative anymore. Who knows.

I’ve always wondered whether I’d feel like finally watching S2 once I know how it ends, and right now I can answer that question with a firm NO. Canon exhausts me. I’m looking forward to fandom getting time to take a deep breath and process this season. 

I’m excited that we get to take care of the characters for the next year. It’s time for some good development, for tons of fics where Malex actually talk to each other, where Gregory is an awesome brother, Sanders adopts Michael and a million other things.

If there’s one thing I’m grateful for is, that the finale didn’t ruin Malex entirely. I’d been really worried about that.

THEY ARE OURS AGAIN, FOLKS! \0/

[periodicreviews]

Last of Us Part II

I went into Last of Us Part II without many spoilers and completed it today. I’m writing out my thoughts before reading any other reviews of the game.

Technical stuff

On a technical level, the game is a logical successor to Uncharted 4. The same great sound design is key to trying to locate where enemies are and I feel like playing with headphones is key. There’s a moment where if you fail a jump, your partner will say “hey you know if you run before the jump…” and the character you control says “yeah yeah, I know.” This is a great way of guiding the character without interrupting them with a prompt.

Returning from Uncharted 4 is the ability for characters to pause mid conversation when you walk away and for them to continue when you get closer. There aren’t quite as many chances for this to be triggered without vehicles but it’s good to see.

One of my big problems with the graphics in Uncharted 4 is that the facial models felt almost unrecognizable as they made them match the actors faces way too much. Nathan Drake just felt like Nolan North, as did Elena’s model. Maybe they learned their lesson because all the faces in TLOU2 felt like the characters I remembered from TLOU1. The only exception being the young Ellie model. At times, her eyes kind of felt dead. I don’t know if that’s a result of porting it from PS3 or not.

I also felt like the default control scheme was too hard to get used to. Dodge being mapped to L1 just did not feel natural coming from a first person shooter background. I eventually remapped it to the circle button, put crouch on the left control stick click, and other changes.

The number of options with respect to controls, which are fully configurable, and visual settings, particularly for motion sickness, are something that every console game should provide.

Speaking of motion sickness, the settings never quite eliminated it for me and although it became more manageable, there was this constant physical discomfort while playing the game. I believe Neil Druckmann said something to the effect that TLOU1 is about hope and TLOU2 is about hate. In that sense, I guess I felt more immersed by hating the game itself for causing my motion sickness.

 The plot

The game can be arguably be broken into two parts, Ellie’s story and Abby’s story. You play a tiny bit of Abby in the beginning of the game but then the focus is mainly on Ellie, until the two intersect at the theater confrontation. After the theater confrontation, you take control of Abby primarily, then finish things off as Ellie.

Once this midway switch happened, I figured they were going to have you play as Abby as you kill Ellie and Dina. I also wasn’t sure whether they would make you be the one to torture Joel. If you don’t know already, the game opens with Abby torturing and murdering Joel, which sets the plot in motion.

For a time, I was kind of upset that they were making me play as Abby. Your first big segment as adult Abby after you know who she is, is the slow walk through the WLF base. It feels like it drags on forever as you walk past children in classrooms, play with the dog, see all the animals, everyone eating in the cafeteria, etc.

Obviously, this is supposed to mirror the beginning of the game with Ellie as you walk through the Jackson level and see every single one of these same things. The level is supposed to get you to empathize with the people you have been murdering for 20 hours. “See? Abby’s not so bad, she wants pine scented soap at the commissary.”

But does everything need to be the same? There’s people running away from Jackson, the Seraphites, and the WLF. Characters on both sides are dealing with the internal power struggle. There just happens to be two pregnant women in Mel and Dina. It just happens to be that both Abby and Ellie are seeking revenge over the death of their father figures. Both WLF and Jackson engage in torture to get the info they need. At times all these coincidences just felt forced.

In the end, the game seems to be saying that this cycle of revenge is pointless because we’re all the same and it just causes more pain. The cycle plays out in this order in the game:

1. Joel murders Abby’s dad

2. Abby tortures and murders Joel

3. Tommy, Dina, and Ellie torture and murder Abby’s party members, in the search to find Abby

4. Abby murders Jesse, seriously injures Tommy, Dina, Ellie

5. Ellie attempts to murder Abby but eventually stops

But it bothered me the whole time that the game didn’t attempt to explain why Abby felt the need to torture Joel, when there’s no evidence that he tortured her father. Then it proceeded to make this equivalence between Abby and Ellie like they were equally guilty. Granted, Ellie tortured Nora in the hospital but that’s only after she egged her on by gloating about Joel’s screams.

Another thing that bothered me in the final pointless battle between Abby and Ellie is that they choose to portray Abby as the better person who doesn’t want to fight. Maybe it’s not necessarily a moral call, but just that she doesn’t think she can win in her current state.

 Abby’s redemption

I guess my bigger complaint is about Abby’s whole redemption arc. After being rescued from the Seraphites by two kids, Lev and Yara, she returns to Owen where the two argue about Owen leaving to find the Fireflies. At the heat of the argument, they decide to have sex, despite Mel being pregnant with Owen’s baby.

That night, Abby has a bad dream where she walks through the door of the hospital where she found her dad’s body and instead finds Yara and Lev dead hanging from a tree. When asked by Yara or Lev why she came back to help, despite all the protests from Owen, she says something like she had to do something or she couldn’t live with herself.

I guess there’s some indication of regret for what she has done in the past. But it’s never made clear if this is about Joel or just her life choices in general. Later on, after rescuing them, she has the same dream but this time, she sees her dad alive instead. That temporary peace is then destroyed by the murder of Owen and she goes on a rampage to try to kill everyone associated with it.

I feel like there’s both not enough of Abby’s past in order to sell the regret and/or not enough regret in the present to sell the shift in behavior.

 Trans representation

I should have done my research before assuming what I had heard was true. It turns out Abby isn’t trans at all, only Lev is (who is in fact voiced by a trans actor). I thought I remembered reading a paper in a Young Abby segment that mentioned “transitioning”. Maybe I read it too fast and it was about another character, not Abby. Thanks to the helpful commenter who corrected me.

It seems people are mad at Laura Bailey just because she voices a character and they don’t like what that fictional character did, which is absurd but unfortunately not surprising.

The game obviously takes a risk by featuring not just one trans character but two. By risk I mean both politically from a company standpoint and from a writing standpoint.

I’m writing this prior to reading any other reviews or to know what exactly the controversy is surrounding Laura Bailey, who plays Abby. I’m assuming the problem is that she is not trans and is playing a trans character. I’m unsure if the same is true for Lev or not. I understand the problem of trans actors being rejected from roles because of that identity. But I don’t think all of the blame for that should lie with Laura Bailey, rather with Naughty Dog for making the choice not to cast a trans actress. If the audition was blind and Laura was select purely based on performance, that would complicate things. But given TLOU2 is almost a movie in terms of all the motion capture that is done, I feel like that probably wasn’t the case.

As a straight man, I felt like Abby and Lev as characters were done tastefully. Their identity is never really centered around being trans, just like Ellie’s character has never been centered around her being lesbian/bisexual. The other characters in the world don’t seem to treat them any differently because they are trans. There also aren’t the usual “trap” tropes or accusations that they aren’t “real” women or men.

 Things that suck

I was kind of surprised at how emotional I got during the game. There have definitely been games that have scared me (Dead Space) and games that have made me cry both out of sadness and joy (Mass Effect 3 Citadel DLC). But I don’t think a game has made me feel the same combination of anger, despair, and disgust in quite the same way.

The game starts off with a very graphic torture scene where Abby murders Joel but that didn’t really affect me. The scene was for sure shocking and I empathized with Ellie. But what really affected me was first having to control Abby as you attack Ellie and maybe even more so, watching Ellie leave Dina to continue to pursue Abby. It just hurt so much to see her give up the perfect life in pursuit of this pointless struggle.

 Was it good?

But is it a good game? Did I enjoy it? Do I agree with the message it’s trying to send?

It’s hard to describe a game like TLOU2 as fun or enjoyable when it’s a horror-action-drama. There are some great scenes between Joel and Ellie, Ellie and Dina, and Ellie and Jessie. It was also nice to see characters like Lev and Yara who have grown up exclusively in this infected world.

I’m 100% on board with seeing a conflict from both sides. I just feel like they portrayed Ellie as evil, in order to make Abby more likeable, all to make both sides seem equal. On a technical level, the game is great, despite it crashing once and some other minor visual issues when the camera would clip through the level. I’d probably give it an 8/10.

[alexstandall]

For people who keep saying the other characters don’t care about Alex, I think it’s more bad writing and the fact that they were trying to keep the mystery of who killed Bryce up until the very end, scenes of Jess asking certain questions would give it away. I’m more mad at Bryce getting a humanizing arc because I feel like Alex was sacrificed in some way. And I never liked Alex that much until now because it seems like the fandom is turning on him so I feel more protective over him after s3

Yeah I blame the issues of season 3 on the writers. Obviously I have loved Alex from the beginning, so I’m protective of him. However I want to make it clear that I have no resentment towards the other characters and I don’t want to spread hate about them. I’m sorry if anything I said makes it seem like I am. The thing is we do know that Alex’s friends care about him, so it doesn’t make sense that we didn’t have more scenes of them making sure he’s ok. But like you said, that was the writers trying to keep up the mystery. I’m mad about Bryce’s “redemption” more than anything because now people think he is a good guy and in turn think Alex is the bad guy. They sacrificed Alex’s development this season in order to play both sides and make people sympathetic towards Bryce. I really don’t know what they were thinking.

[littlebitwriter]

My TOY STORY 4: The Toy Story film Pixar would never make!

My Toy Story 4 isn’t for the kids. I’m taking it to a different place. It’s the Logan of the Toy Story franchise. The tone is true to the original trilogy but more adult. It’s like Logan meets Sausage Party meets Cabin in The Woods. It’d be a Toy Story film that would be a comedy horror film or black comedy. Going to places you would never think Toy Story or any Pixar film would go.

The bio of my Toy Story 4 is ‘Toy Story 4 is an upcoming American 3D computer-animated ‘black comedy’ film produced by Pixar Animation Studios for Walt Disney Pictures. It is the fourth installment in Pixar's Toy Story series, and the sequel to Toy Story 3 (2010). It is the first Pixar film to receive an R-rating. In my mind it would be the highest-grossing R-rated animated film probably of all time.

It is the finale to the franchise. If a kid who was around seven in 1995 watched and loved the first Toy Story then grew up falling in love with film and genre fiction that kid would be around thirty now. This is a film for the kids that grew up with the first two Toy Story films and cried their eyes out during the third but doing a completely different type of movie that ultimately shows why you shouldn’t have continued the franchise.

Since Pixar is just a extremely collaborative company they’d need like a writer’s room for Toy Story 4 with Jordan Peele (Get Out, Us), Drew Goddard (Cabin in The Woods, Bad Times At The El Royale), Michael Arndt (Little Miss Sunshine, Toy Story 3), Michael Green (Logan, Blade Runner 2049) and of course Pixar masters John Lassetter and Andrew Stanton. Even though it is my idea I wouldn’t ever put myself in the writer’s room for a film of such anticipation of Toy Story 4. I think this is a group of writers alongside the Pixar genius of John Lasseter and Andrew Stanton that could 100% do this film justice.

I may not be super in-depth and very vague about the film but I hope it makes sense. It probably is really bad. I’m sorry, I’m young and dumb.

The idea in terms of story is quite a bit like what the team behind Toy Story 4 is actually going to be doing. This would be a Toy Story film with a feel that’s the mix of Little Miss Sunshine and Logan with a lot of dark satirical ideas about society, a lot of plot twist and story turns, that you would never expect. It would be the craziest, darkest, and scariest Pixar film yet but also one that could go toe to toe with many arthouse indie pictures for a ‘Best Picture’ nomination at the Oscars.

The film is set ten years after Toy Story 3 and the toys are at a dumpster. At the beginning of the film you don’t know how the toys got there but they are all completely torn up and nearly destroyed, this dumpster is almost treated like a post-apocalyptic wasteland/underworld for toys. There’s the toys at the dumpster and then on the quest to find this treasure that could save everything. It’s them going across the world on this road trip and there’s this villainous character called ‘The Mad Toy Doctor’ who knows of a toy’s sentience and knows of them as living beings trying to go after this treasure as well. Throughout the film a lot happens but by the end the toys of course win but there’s a heartfelt emotional ending. That ends with a Sopranos-esque ‘Cut to Black’ with instead of Journey’s Don’t Stop Believin’ it’s You Gotta Friend in Me.

Each character individually is going through their own thing going on, Many of the other toys are still around Woody, Buzz, Bo-Peep, Jessie, Slinky, Mr. & Mrs. Potato Head, Rex, Barbie, the little one eyed green aliens, and all of Bonnie’s toys from Toy Story 3 are dead and their remains are seen across this dumpster, throughout the film not at all really acknowledged.

WOODY: The film opens with Woody giving a voice over narration in the film and setting the tone for the movie. Particularly with an f-bomb. Then later you get a look at Woody’s eye and you can see it has fallen off and he makes use of an eye patch looking almost like John Wayne from 1969’s True Grit. Woody feels as if he’s failed all of the toys his friends. Throughout the film he’s on this quest of redemption and for a treasure he and the toys are looking for. Woody is viewing himself as the hero this western spaghetti western cowboy who will do the hard things to save the day. Buzz reminds him that he’s just a toy. Woody doesn’t know how to handle everything and dealing with the fact that to Andy and to Bonnie he thought of himself as more than a toy almost like a father figure of some kind weirdly enough. So Woody would have an arc throughout the film and in the end make a sacrifice to save his friends alongside Buzz.

BUZZ LIGHTYEAR: Buzz Lightyear has become completely unconfident and has become the furthest opposite of everything he thought he was in the first Toy Story film. Where he thought he was a space ranger instead he’s going through this existential crisis. Eventually he and Buzz make the ultimate sacrifice.

Jesse: She is dealing with the death of Bullseye and she is in a relationship with Buzz Lightyear. She is very depressed throughout the film.

Barbie: Dealing with the death of Ken and in a secret relationship with Mister Potato Head.

Mister Potato Head: Cheats on his wife and has an affair with Barbie and feels guilty ever since Mrs. Potato Head’s passing and commits suicide.

Bo-Peep: Bo-Peep has still never come back but there’s this dark twist that the Mad Toy Doctor is using Bo-Peep as a way to get to the toys. She was tortured and killed by the Mad Toy Doctor.

Rex: Rex is personally my favorite character in Toy Story, there is a scene where I kill him off and it’s really sad.

Slinky: He gets broken and tortured by the Mad Toy Doctor.

The Mad Toy Doctor: The villainous character. He calls himself a ‘doctor’ and creates new villainous toys that he sets out to kill the Toy Story gang. The villain is almost like Sid from the first Toy Story and Donny from Ted. However he is an old, old man He sets out to make the toy sentience to the public but by the end of the film is sent to a mental institution. The voice actor of this character in my mind would be Tim Curry. He would be the scariest villain in any animated film. He’d be the guy if all the pixar movies were connected that Carl Fredrickson from UP would punch in the face. The toys he creates are his own Buzz Lightyear, a G.I. Joe/Snake Eyes eseque toy named Jon, a Transformers looking toy who goes by the name of Morpher. He’s like the Superman villain Toyman almost. He is also in love with this old lady who is his wife who is really a baby doll he aged up.

Yeah it would be a yucky, freaky but hopefully funny Toy Story movie. There’s no humor in this post that I wrote but there 100% would be a lot of humor and heart in the film. It would be a true Toy Story film deconstructing all the classic tropes. However the film would be a lot better than what I have written here particularly with the writers I would love to see behind it. It’s a film that I would want from the franchise and could potentially be a real game changer for Pixar. Making not just a good kids movie but a legitimately good movie.

This may be terrible idea but I thought people would be interested :) I hope everyone has a lovely day! It’s just my weird dream Toy Story fanfiction. Very underdeveloped. Hopefully you enjoyed it.

LittleBitWriter

1/27/19

[kumulonimbus]

I was tagged by @dressiestsphinx – thank you so much!

What are the themes of your current WIP(s)?

I’m currently working on five different WIPs, some of them are multi-chaptered stories and some of them are one-shots. The biggest problem I’m currently facing is my inability to decide which one should have my undivided attention so I’m writing a lot but I’m mostly dividing my efforts and adding random paragraphs to this WIP here and that other one over there and it’s driving me insane. So, these are my babies:

 1.    Twelve times I held your hand: my biggest, longest and dearest WIP. While I was writing Variations on a theme I began to outline some (quite explicit) smutty scenes that never made it to the final version of the story because, by the time they were ready, I felt as if they could disrupt/hurt the tone I had hoped for. So I saved them all, and this fic started as a way for me to finally utilize all those smutty scenes. It’s a Widowhanzo fic, multichapter (12 chapters) and the premise is quite simple: Widow and Hanzo meet once a month and stuff happens. It differs greatly from Variations since there’s no redemption arc planned for them – they share a basic code: Widow doesn’t talk about his brother and Hanzo doesn’t talk about her husband. As months go by, Hanzo cracks the pattern to her conditioning: every six months, Talon readjusts Widowmaker, and the cycle begins again.

Themes: psychology, manipulation, companionship, loneliness, acceptance. / ships: widowhanzo

 2.    Discreetly – part II: the second part of my Halloween fic. (AU) Hanzo has killed Genji, but he never left the clan. He got married, had a son and shook hands with Talon in the process, falling for the one woman who’s unable to feel anything at all.

Themes: the relationship with his son will play a pivotal role in the second and final part. Regret, cruelty, death, fear. / ships: widowhanzo

 3.    Untitled WIP – a fantasy AU where Widow finally escapes Talon and visits the only man who can help her: a stranger in the white forest that’s capable of taking her sorrow as a present and free her from her demons. But the man can’t help her – in fact, the coldness inside of her spreads deep within him, absorbing his strength, and nearly killing the mythical beast that dwells inside. Lost in a perpetual winter that threatens their sanity, the broken man and the woman must seek the help of the wise Snow Lady (and I got a feeling @criticaldragon will be thrilled to find out who this lady is) before it’s too late.

Themes: fantasy, acceptance and a tad bit of magic here and there. / ships: none

 4.    Sincerely yours, - this is a multichapter McSombra fic, featuring Deadlock Jesse and Los Muertos Sombra. The Deadlock Gang accepts to let Jesse go to Mexico to assist Los Muertos in a more-than-dangerous mission. While the young cowboy sees this opportunity as a chance for his gang to find new allies in Los Muertos, Deadlock is only accepting this deal with a very clear purpose in mind: to get rid of Jesse, without getting their hands any dirtier in the process.

Themes: betrayal, young love. / ships: mcsombra

 5.    Popular mechanisms for safety dreaming – a quite simple one-shot featuring only Mei and Zenyatta. Mei stays up most nights in Gibraltar, working on countless projects that seem to go nowhere. When the monk steps in and asks her why she can’t just go to sleep, she tells him she’s already spent too much time sleeping (insert long philosophical debate about sleeping and dreaming here) – I swear, by the time it’s done, this is gonna be a much more interesting fic than this dull explanation, just bear with me!

Themes: life, death, philosophy, friendship./ ships: none

 Why does your current WIP(s) matter and who’s voice is it explained in?

All these WIPs are narrated in the third person, I’m just not the biggest fan of the first person.

And the reason why all these WIPs matter is rather simple, actually: they matter because these are stories I want to tell (and read) and, perhaps, someone out there would like to read them too.

Thanks so much for the tag, this was really fun!

Tagging @criticaldragon @staringatstarsblog @ribbons-halos and @deadlypen1

[survivorforestofhorrors]

Episode 4: what's the harm in a lil flirting - Liam

Me @ this swap when I’m in such a GREAT position on this Cat tribe. Literally for one, my name was never out considering everyone asked me for what names I’ve heard. Then two, I literally have two alliances which none of them have the same people. And they weren’t groups I made, people came to me wanting me in them lmao. The first one is me, Daulton, Livingston, and Keaton. Then the second one is me, Jesse, and Maynor. I also have a pretty good relationship with Dan and me and Josh have gotten along well so far. If Zach wasn’t exiled, I definitely could have been close with him too. It’s whatever, at least I have people who have trust in me moving into this swap which is all I need. And I got some peeps on this other tribe who I worked with at the first tribal so this could be good.

So, just when the cat lovers were really starting to feel like a family, we end up getting swapped. Apparently the people that did the best in each puzzle category last round became team captains, and Dan chose me thank GOD. I trust Dan a lot, and I’m glad he sees me as an asset to his game and wants me on his tribe. I also have Livingston from OG Macneil, so that’s good because him and I had the alliance with Grace and Keaton. Hopefully they are good over their tribes, and we make it back together again. The new tribe, the Morgan Tribe, is the tribe I care the least about just based on who’s on it. I obviously want Keaton to make it through, and I like Jessie a lot, but the other 4 are a little less important to my game. The new Samhain tribe is honestly iconic too, and I want Macneil and Samhain to win immunity. Which speaking of immunity, it’s a fucking creative challenge which I do not excel in at all. I just hope the other people on this tribe are good at creative challenges or we’re screwed.

a tribe swap!!!! spicy. I really was not expecting that one, so good on you hosts for shaking things up.  So my strategy for the swap was to pick everyone I was close with originally lmao. very complex strategy, I know. I will accept player of the season now.  But seriously, I wanted to pick people that I felt would want to work with me and that would not target me specifically if there were to be someone to flip.  

I picked Liam because I feel like we connected pretty well on the original 21 person shit show. I had said to him that I wanted to work with him and Nik had told me he was someone to really have on my side.  I then picked Livingston because I'm really trying this story arc redemption moment with him from trinity. I also... genuinely like him. I feel like we vibe really well and are upfront with one another about game stuff. I hope he doesn't let the past cloud anything going forward, but for now he's definitely my #1.  I then picked Zac because I really got along with him early on as well. A great byproduct of this is that he told me he's super close with Austin, which means thats either information I can exploit, or use to my advantage. If we go to tribal, I could easily target them as a pair, OR join forces with them against someone else. We love accidental connections coming through. Then I picked Daulton because I feel like if I hadn't, he would have been mad. I know what y'all are thinking, why not pick your alliance member Keaton? Well, here's the thing, I don't want to be stuck with the same people all game and really feel like I need to branch out. I also feel like Keaton will understand this better than Livingston, hence picking Livingston over Keaton. Anyway, back to Daulton. Daulton cracks me the fuck up with his blunt delivery. I just have really enjoyed working with him and would love to work with him and livingston moving forward. And that brings us to Austin, who I didn't necessarily pick, but who I was fine with getting. We had some good convos pre swap and I am looking forward to seeing where his heads at in this game.

As far as the challenge is concerned, I think a lot of direction is gonna come from Livingston, which is fine by me. I really am not a creative soul, so I feel like I will be channeling my energy into Livingston's creative process and let him take the wheel. I think we have a good shot of being untouched into the next phase of the game but we'll see. Also, I feel like I basically found the key to all the advantages in the game tonight in my idol search, so trust and believe i'm about to fuck this game up ladies!

I had high hopes from our first new tribes and the way I play is short, simple, and sweet. Tim made a 5 person alliance of people i liked, and i thought that it was good. Liam is extremely solid, brandan is good not great, and Nik is typically okay on a short term basis. But i had my reserves on Nik, and of course Nik saw the opportunity to break me and Tim up, even though we arent this duo who will flip flop, fuck people up, we are old school people, we find our people we roll with them, we get to the end. We're loyal, but we aren't stupid. 

The minute I saw Tim was getting a lot of the votes and that it got too quiet, i knew the fix was in. Liam has been our informant and I went out of my comfort zone right into the mainchat ala Nik style. I called them out, and I had the immunity idol. The GTO play (Game theory optimum) would be to let Tim go and play the game by myself and break that perception and have an idol. But I AM LOYAL. I do not let my ride or dies sink in the game. I have never voted tim out of a game nor will i ever let him go home if i have anything to say about it.

We manuevered the vote dynamics, made sure the votes were on him, and we made Nik get to steppin. Moving forward it would have been very tough but now a swap is among us.

-

So we just swapped, and Tim was tribe captain. Exactly what we needed. Nik was 100% right, all i need is one swap and just a few rounds to mobilize my army and build a coalition. Give me time, and i will break people. Not in a bad way. I need people who will be dedicated, and will never waver, never flip. My militia is called the L&J team. Me, Tim, Liam, thats 3, 3/18 = 1/6. Now we recruit Zach, and we pull in grace. 5/18. 27% of the cast. I begin to like these odds once the numbers dwindle and we keep our people in the game.

I may seem like this menace, but I am extremely calculated and people who give me their word I will return the favor. Me and Tim are loyal people. But if you are halfway with me, or are against me we will fucking murder you in cold blood. 

Josh V is the next to go, Brandan worst case if we lose again. We aren't going anywhere anytime soon, we found our people, now we show the game what we can do.

You ever have those moments where you're hyped, but also not hyped at the same time? Well this is one of those times. I got a fucking idol!!!! but I also earned our tribe a disadvantage in the challenge in the process. So that basically means to me that you probably get a disadvantage any time you get an advantage. or are in the process of getting an advantage. So that means Tim probably got pretty close to getting something, or got something. I'm not sure if that means Zach got an advantage (exile) or if that was his disadvantage? Idk, I'm fucking nervous now, we're gonna have to pull out all the stops for the challenge. 

My worry about the challenge is that we don't really have a story line, we just have the slasher concept. I mean, realistically, I would love to have my idol for myself later in the game, but I would also rather get rid of it if we lose this comp because of my disadvantage... I'm very nervous now, and I think I fucked my game up with this whole idol search business. I hate everything lmao. Well played hosts, well played.

I feel so fucking guilty. I know there’s probably a bunch of people in here laughing at me and saying I’m an idiot, but I literally didn’t mean to get a fucking disadvantage. I’m really considering just leaving zac or Livingston my idol and getting voted out. I’m so fucking mad at myself.

-

So I’m feeling more into the game today now that I’ve slept on it. My plan is to fucking stay by any means necessary. I spoke with Livingston just now and told him about my idol. Obviously I know that could come back and bite me in the ass, but frankly I’m playing the idol tonight if I’m in danger or not so fuck y’all. But anyway, I do trust Livingston more than anyone else here. We have a good rapport and I know he’s a loyal guy. So lettuce pray that everything works out and I can idol out a big threat hehehe

-

Tribal in two hours. It’s me or zac. I’m voting zac and I’m playing my idol so square up with your idol boo

Well Well Well... I'm not having a good day! I heard it's Zac going... I REFUSE! He will not be going on my watch! Zac is an ICON who I love and adore! I was LITERALLY crying at the thought of voting him out so imma fight for him! I REALLY don't wanna lose anyone on this tribe but especially Zac!

In more positive news Daulton and I are the first Showmance of the season! I've always thought Daulton was cute so what's the harm in a lil flirting ☺️

Meep merp beep. Ive been soo not into the game that i need to focus again. I want to do well in this game but ill end up just letting myself down as always. 

Soo im haply our trailer won immunity. Im safe. 😊

Oh, poor Liam. :( He really doesn’t want Zac to be the vote tonight, but I think it’s pretty set in stone at this point unless and Idol is played. I don’t want to sound cocky though because I realize anything can happen, but I feel like Livingston, Austin, and I in addition to Dan are all on board to vote Zac. Liam feels like it’ll be a 3-3 vote which I’m not sure how that will play out unless Austin flips. I really don’t want to go to rocks this early in the game, but I told Dan I wouldn’t write his name, so if Livingston wants to flip, that’s on him, but I just don’t think I can do it. I just hope it is 4-2.

So we won immunity for once with the videos! Really don’t appreciate the hating on my editing skills/lack of appearance in the video @judges. It was editing or being filmed and I choose editing haha. Anyway, I’m feeling pretty comfortable with this group. Really hoping we don’t lose again. Splitting into 3 tribes really helps give us a chance. I like everyone on my tribe but they’re also super super quiet and we only talk during challenges which is a bit awkward...

[unt2017]

Tell Me Three Things by Julie Buxbaum

Genre: Romance/Poetry

 Image:Buxbaum, J. (2016). Tell Me Three Things [image]. Retrieved from https://www.amazon.com/Tell-Three-Things-Julie-Buxbaum-ebook/dp/B011G3HBFQ/ref=sr_1_1?crid=2MTMH5CMMY4JQ&keywords=tell+me+three+things&qid=1572302637&s=digital-text&sprefix=Tell+Me+%2Cdigital-text%2C182&sr=1-1

  Evaluation

             Truth be told I wasn’t sure I was going to enjoy this book, but I was pleasantly surprised. Jessie, the main character has been through something tragic that turns her whole world upside down.  However, that was made better when she befriended someone online calling themselves Somebody Nobody.  One thing that caught my attention was how the dialogue was written, both in the emails throughout and the regular storyline.  According to Tunnell, Jacobs, Young & Bryan (2016): “Speech reveals character. … If speech is not natural and not as individual as a particular personality, it depicts the character as shallow and stiff, distracting from the story and consequently weakening it” (Tunnell et al., 2016, p.27-28).  In this day and age, it is difficult to determine when someone is being sincere without seeing their face, hearing their voice, or watching their body language.  However, there are times when the words on a page or the words spoken are so powerful that the point can not be missed.  An example of such words is part of the following quote: “I imagine, or I hope, that one day I will be discovered---that I will be seen- not as a sidekick, or as a study buddy, or as background furniture, but as someone to like, maybe even to love” (89).  She wants to be more than the new girl, more than the girl the new girls pick on and more than the gossip of the school.

           Another piece of the story that caught my eye as I was reading was the tone.  According to Tunnell et al., (2016): “The tone is the is the author’s attitude toward the subject or audience in a particular book” (19).  The tone was somber, yet hopeful throughout the whole book due to Jessie struggling with losing someone important with trying to find her way in a new school and the adjustments that come along with that.  The author Julie Buxaum talks about this in her “Dear Reader” note after the end of the book. She states (2016):

With Tell Me Three Things, I was finally brave enough to take a look at a period in my life that I long boxed up, put away, and marked with a big red label that read “Too Painful”. I wasn’t interested in exploring specifics, necessarily, but I very much wanted to delve into those feelings of first loss and their immediate aftermath. To look back at what it was like to be a teenager and to have the worst thing you can imagine happening actually happen (327).  

She goes on to say she wanted to combine the ideas of first loss and first love because in a way Jessie is a gift to who she was at sixteen. Jessie is what she wasn’t-seen (328).  From these pieces I gather that the author didn’t want the tone to settle on just one thing because otherwise it wouldn’t be authentic. I mean what sixteen-year-old girl’s mind settles on one feeling, emotion, decision, etc that easily?  So honestly, I’m not too surprised the tone doesn’t feel very settled on either.

  Response

             I’m not sure I can answer the questions posted in the Williamson article other than giving comments, talking about how well I enjoyed the text as entertainment or work of art, and my overall reaction (Williamson, n.d).

           Tell Me Three Things was really an adorable book. I enjoyed the anonymous factor of Somebody Nobody, fondly known to Jessie as SN.  Their conversations reminded me fondly of ones I had with friends back in the days of AIM, forums, and school drop boxes.   It started with an email and turned into a game where they tell each other three things.  My favorite exchange of this is the following passage:

Three things. 1. I don’t know who you are. I wish I did, and Scar has her theories, but I don’t know. I thought you were someone else, but now I know I was wrong. 2. I’ve never lied to you, I don’t think. Well, except that first day, when I said I have a black belt in karate…I think it’s easy for me to talk to you, because I don’t know who you are. I guess it’s different for you? 3. I don’t know where home is anymore”. … SN replies with a good quote. He says “Maybe home doesn’t have to be a place (Buxbaum, 2016, pp. 275-276).

There were several exchanges similar to this one that made me enjoy this book. The reader could tell the characters were struggling to find solid ground while trying to handle the changes life was throwing at them.  Jess didn’t know who to trust in the midst of her grief and the person behind SN was struggling to find themselves as well.  These characters were very relatable because of this.  Not everyone’s struggle might be surrounded by death, but everyone has a pressure point if you will that allow them to determine who they want to be. While this book is categorized as a romance book, that’s not all there is to it. It’s about friendship and determining what the characters want their futures to be. 

      The only negative comment I have is about the bullying of the “mean girls”, and while I realize it’s not necessarily realistic, why couldn’t there be a redemption arc for them in the story? I feel like that way teens can realize that yes bullying is wrong and it is okay to change that behavior to become better.  Teens only mimic what they see and hear from their friends, but it is up to the adults in their lives to help steer them in the right direction and continue to become the better versions of themselves. I also feel like the storyline with her dad was slightly played out even though in this day and age it is very realistic. Grief can change your perception of life and your place in it. In this story, it would seem to have a snowball effect.  The mystery behind Somebody Nobody was a way to lighten up a heavy topic, but also like the author stated after the book ended, she wrote it that way so her sixteen-year-old self and others like her could still feel seen in the midst of their tragedy. The mystery was Jessie’s way of finding a new normal.

 Conclusion

           Overall, this book was heart warming and powerful. I enjoyed the fact it wasn’t all about Jessie’s love story, but it was about her family finding a way to heal and merge with a new family.  It was about old friendships melding into something new and possibly stronger than it was before. Everyone finds themselves in different ways and sometimes it happens in the way that is least expected and I enjoyed that the most about the book.  If there is no growth in the main character from who they were in the beginning to who they become at the end, then that’s not a good book in my opinion.  However, that wasn’t the case with Jessie’s story in Tell Me Three Things and that’s why I would recommend it and give it a five-star rating if asked.

    References:

Buxbaum, J. (2016). Tell Me Three Things. New York: Delacorte Press

Tunnell M.O., Jacobs, J.S., Young T.A. & Bryan, G.  (2016). What is a good book? in Children’s Literature Briefly, (pp. 15-23.). Upper Saddle River, NJ: Pearson.

 Williamson, O.M.  (n.d). “Reader Response”. Retrieved from http://utminers.utep.edu/omwilliamson/engl0310link/readerresponse.htm