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deadaccount1211 · 8 months

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TD 2023 Review: The Final Chapter

Spoilers Down Below.

...

Episode 9: I ain't gonna lie from the way they structured this episode in the beginning. I already knew Caleb was winning immunity.

Funny screenshot I grabbed ^.

I started off this season liking Mkulia because I saw it as an alliance between two equals. But ever since the cheating plotline, they've only ever used MK as a punching bag. And then the cherry on top is Julia eliminating her for a second time.

Left a sour taste in my mouth tbh. And I can believe the hockey bros were dumb enough to vote her off. But you're telling me that Julia somehow convinced Priya and Damien that MK is the bigger threat between the two? She literally told you guys she eliminated Nichelle. But consistency be damned I guess.

Episode 10: I kinda wish the memory game was more about remembering events that happened through the season and less press a button on a ipad.

This julia vs damien rivalry is cooking. It's about time Julia faced some opposition in this competition.

A bit ironic considering they're athletes but I don't think Wayne and Raj have done well in a single competition this season.

Priya admitting she knows Julia is manipulative and then proceeding to get manipulated by Julia. ://////////

Me going into the elimination scene: Oh so the praleb drama is resolved! Priya or Caleb is going home right?

???

WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN DAMIEN GOT ELIMINATED? WHAT THE FUCK???

Ok Julia shared her immunity with Caleb. Vote off Priya? She won last season??? It's not that hard???

"Sorry bro we can't vote off Priya because she's in love with Caleb" WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT LOGIC? That's exactly why you should vote her off!

Damien running around the island looking for his idol and then getting dragged away screaming is legitimately pitiful to watch.

This season loves giving ppl undignified exits but this was the worst one of all.

I want to add on that I knew there was a very low chance Damien was gonna win given how his arc was structured. But this elim was bullshit, should've been Priya.

Episode 11:

Starting off the episode with the hockey bros saying they miss Damien is lame. Ya'll never interacted and you voted him off. Fuck off.

Julia starting an off screen alliance with Caleb is lame. I don't want to hear the excuse "They can only fit so much into 22 minutes." They did perfectly fine in S1? Why the steep downgrade in quality?

We finally get a non gen 1 cameo and it's fucking McArthur. God I hate this season.

This is the worst challenge of the season. This is the third time ya'll have done run around and be chased by animals challenge. At least nobody is farting this time around.

Maturing is realizing Raj was never gonna get a character arc and he's only here to be comedic relief. Sigh..

Julia being a challenge beast doesn't feel as fun as it did in S1. Probably because she's casually steamrolling the game rn.

They waited way too long to boot off one of the hockey bros. We literally only have two episodes left. How are they gonna be able to make wayne idependent and stand out on his own?

Episode 12:

Why is Julia so insistent on gaining Wayne's vote when she has the immunity idol?

Caleb really is whatever the plot demands him to be. He spent the first half of the season being a wannabe f boy. Now he wants to act all sweet n shit and say he don't wanna lie on Total Drama. Like please get the fuck out of here. Not even Millie was this annoying. Steroid ass freak.

Maybe it's the inner fanfic writer inside of me. But imagine if Damien was in this fear challenge and his final fear to overcome was Scary Girl. Would've been peak imo.

They're really giving Wayne a last minute character arc about learning how to be himself without Raj around.

Tennis Rivals cameo? Isn't RR supposed to be an in universe spinoff? Why are there more RR references than like Revenge or Pahkitew? Are those seasons getting swept under the rug?

They really tried to make this elimination suspenseful when we already know Julia has the idol.

I still like Priya overall. But i'd be lying if I said Season 2 makes it hard to do so. Besides a few mentions from Chris, her being a canonical winner has no effect on the story. Her storyline is a near identical repeat of last season but worse. Just change the genre from friendship to romance. And replace Millie with Caleb. It naturally ended in episode 10 but the writers wanted to stretch this shit as long as humanely possible so here's more problems for the two to overcome. I could go on and on but to sum it up, priya x caleb is ass.

The Finale:

Hmm. Who should I root for?

The guy who just became relevant last episode?

Generic romance plotline guy?

Overpowered villainess?

I like Julia the most out of these three. But a complete Julia steamroll would be mid. Like if she won S1, I'd be cool with that. Because she fought tooth and nail to get into the final 4.

First boot to winner is a neat idea but I don't want it wasted on a bad character like Caleb.

Wayne exists.

Wait so Ripaxel is still together? Why was she so distant towards him in their elimination episode? So Ripper legitimately quit for no reason then? And didn't Chris say last season if you quit then you owe him a million bucks? Is that never coming back up?

Say it with me everyone, "This season is ass!"

Team Caleb not giving a shit about him is so real.

Why is Julia surprised that only MK wants to be on her team?

I don't know how many of you have seen it. But there's this fanmade show called Disventure Camp. And the finale challenge for that show is almost identical to this one. Not accusing anyone of copyright.

I just thought it was interesting to point out.

Considering Chase's pizza obsession that got him eliminated in season one. Shouldn't he have been the one to go back for pizza? This season can't even remember the minor details.

I thought they were gonna do bald julia for a second lol. Mullet Julia looks cool though.

Wayne won. My honest reaction: :/

I can't be the only person who thinks it's sus that Terry McGurrin. The white straight ally who likes hockey. Wrote the final episode where the white straight ally who likes hockey wins. :/

People have been comparing his win to TDI Owen.

Owen was a goofball but at least he had a S Tier social game and interacted with loads of ppl (cody, gwen, trent, heather, duncan, izzy, noah)

And he was decent at the challenges. (dodgeball challenge, eating challenge)

Wayne sucked in every challenge and only talked to Raj and sometimes Julia.

Honestly might be the 2nd worst winner this series has ever had. Mike still holds the crown for worst winner.

If they really wanted an underdog finalist they should've went with Damien. He was an underdog and actually did shit in the game. And they built a rivalry for him and Julia. Only to throw it away immediately.

Kinda wish these were the two pairings instead of Ripaxel and Praleb.

I know they teased a S3. But if it's the same level of quality as S2, I don't want it.

#total drama #total drama 2023 #total drama spoilers

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seongbinws · 2 years

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hi everyone and sorry for the slight delay on the intro post! thank you for all the welcomes i’ve gotten so far and i’ll be reaching out for plots and everything shortly after i get this up!!

u ever get absolutely steamrolled by a muse and have to find a place to put them? that’s what happened to me with seongbin here... so i’m joining wishing stars for the first time so i can let him live the life he absolutely DEMANDED of me!

i’ll put a tl;dr version of his info under the cut (and a few plot/relationship ideas as well) but in the meantime, his profile and career pages are already up for your reading pleasure!

so a bit of a tl;dr summary of one mr. hwang seongbin:

basically, he grew up somewhat spoiled in the sense that he’s never had to work hard for anything unless he really wanted to. only child, received lots of love and attention and support for whatever hobby or interest he had. just happened that he had an aunt who lived in los angeles, california that he went to live with during middle school (his choice, he wanted an adventure) and he fell in love with hip hop and rap music, started to dance and rap, and then his aunt introduced the idea of being a singer in korea to him and he was all in on that.

he’s actually a very talented guy! and quite dedicated to his craft, but fortunately or unfortunately (depending on your perspective), it’s always come easy to him and never felt like hard work (maybe because he was enjoying it too much and never had to struggle or suffer for it). so he’s got this idea in his head that he’s just naturally better or more talented than everyone else.

probably didn’t help that he appeared on high school rapper in 2018 and made it to the finals despite having very little competitive or tv experience and was signed to yuseong ent. shortly after. he was a little bitter he didn’t win first prize, but when he was almost immediately put into a debut lineup with phoenix, he quickly forgot about that.

phoenix’s main rapper and lead dancer since their debut in 2018! depending on how tolerant your muse is, he might not be the easiest guy to get along with. he’s not very good at hiding the fact that he’s pretty cocky and full of himself and can be a bit patronizing because of that. “what do you mean you’re struggling with this choreography? it’s easy, see? *dances (almost) flawlessly*”, that sort of attitude. he’ll help his teammates but he’ll act exasperated about it the whole time and never lets anyone forget that he only trained for three months before he was considered debut-ready; i don’t think he’s ever said it outright, but he’s probably implied that that makes him better than his members.

he’s not a bad guy, but he’s not the nicest either, as you might be able to tell. he’s fun, has a good sense of humor, and there’s really nothing to complain about as far as his work ethic goes. but he’s not exactly.... likable.... to some people.......

also was part of D4NC3RB01 with cha bomin, but was super flaky and unreliable since most of his time with the group he was either on high school rapper or training at yuseong, both of which he prioritized over a little dance crew with friends.

some plot/thread/relationship ideas!!

would love to see him with some ex plots... maybe it was a very short-lived fling, maybe your muse realized that he’s more in love with himself than he was with your muse. this would take a bit of plotting to figure out specifics, but i think it’d be interesting to explore: a) seongbin’s selfish side where he really only used your muse for attention and feels no guilt/regret about the breakup or b) someone that seongbin actually really liked but screwed it up by being... himself....... c) messy exes are also always fun and as much as i don’t condone his behavior he’s not above using others for attention/validation

newer idols/trainees in yuseong who might’ve been signed around the same time with even though he debuted so much sooner than the rest of them. maybe could be a rivalry plot? he’d absolutely hold it over someone’s head that he’s “so much better” than them for what a quick and easy path to debut he had. alternatively, someone who isn’t bothered by his attitude (or acknowledges it) that can just be a friend who tries to keep his ego in check?

ALSO newer idols/trainees who were signed after phoenix’s debut who might’ve been a fan of seongbin... you know what they say about never meeting your idols.... maybe your muse was very quickly disappointed by his off-stage attitude (being cocky and confident makes for great entertainment on-screen but is so annoying off-screen) OR is still under the illusion that seongbin is a good person :’)

another muse who’s better at something than seongbin is. could be almost anything: he’s not a strong actor, a decent singer but not the best, better at a certain sport, certain instrument, anything. hell, it could be the fact that your tiktok got more likes than his or something equally petty or inconsequential. he hates the fact that he’s second place (or lower) in anything. could either be a friendly rivalry where your muse is actively helping him improve in whatever skill they have, or a less friendly relationship.

someone older/more senior than seongbin who actively tries to warn him about his behavior, rein it in, and maybe act like a mentor figure. seongbin’s not going to be an easy one to teach to behave (especially since he hasn’t gotten in any significant trouble so far), but you haven’t given up on him yet! someone’s gotta save this kid from himself.

#ws:intro

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snake-rot · 3 years

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(EXCLAIMING)

(ORCHESTRA MUSIC BLARING)

(GROANS)

(WHIMPERS)

(GRUNTING)

(MYSTICAL INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING)

(GROANS)

(COUNTRY ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

(COUGHS)

Sweet home Alabama

Where the skies are so blue

WOMAN: Excuse me, sir, is there a commode?

Sweet home Alabama

(GRUNTING)

Lord, I'm coming home to you

(GRUNTS) Justin!

Quick, honey, take my picture. I got the pyramid in my hand.

(CAMERA CLICKING)

Yeah

Justin, you get back here right now!

No, stop!

GUARD 1: No, no, no! Stop him! GUARD 2: Go back! Don't climb!

(JUSTIN IMITATING AIRPLANE WHOOSHING)

Wait, wait.

Hold on. Easy, little boy.

Okay, stop, child! Stop right there. No!

(GASPS)

No, no, no, no, no! Oh! There he goes.

(GASPS)

Justin!

I've got him! I've got him!

(JUSTIN GRUNTS)

(AIR ESCAPING)

Outrage in Egypt tonight as it was discovered

that the Great Pyramid of Giza had been stolen

and replaced by a giant inflatable replica.

There is panic throughout the globe as countries and citizens

try to protect their beloved landmarks.

Law enforcement still has no leads,

leaving everyone to wonder, which of the world's villains

is responsible for this heinous crime?

And where will he strike next?

Gru: Freeze ray! Freeze ray! Freeze ray! [laughs evilly] Fred: Morning, Gru! How you doing? Gru: Hello, Fred. FYI, your dog has been leaving little bombs all over my yard, and I don't appreciate it. Fred: Sorry. You know dogs. They go wherever they wanna go. Gru: Unless they're dead. [laughs] I'm joking! Although, it is true. Anyway, have a good one. Fred: Okay. Yeah. Steamrolling whatever Gru: [groans] You've got to be pulling on my leg! Margo: Hello! Cookies for sale. Gru: Go away. I'm not home. Margo: Uh, yes, you are. I heard you. Gru: [gasps] No, you didn't. This... [monotone] is a recording. Margo: [scoffs] No, it isn't. Gru: Yes, it is. [o.s.] Watch this. Leave a message, beep. [Edith kicks the door] Gru: Ow! Agnes: Goodbye, recorded message. Margo: [o.s.] Agnes, come on. Gru: Huh? [screams] Kyle! Bad dog! No! No, no. Sit. My muffin. Dr. Nefario: Gru! Gru: Ah, Dr. Nefario. Dr. Nefario: I know how you must be feeling. I, too, have encountered great disappointment, but, in my eyes, you will always be one of the greats. Gru: What? What happened? Dr. Nefario: It's all over the news! Some fella just stole a pyramid. They're saying he makes all other villains look... lame. pause Gru: Assemble the minions! [throws Kyle off of his arm] Minions, assemble! Minion: Okay. Okay. Hey! Gru: Looking good, Kevin! How is the family? Good? All right. That's my Billy boy! What up, Larry? Hello, everybody! Yeah, all right! Simmer down. Simmer down! Thank you, okay. Now, I realize that you guys probably heard about this other villain who stole the pyramids. Apparently, it's a big deal. People are calling it the crime of the century and stuff like that. But am I upset? No, I am not! A little, but we have had a pretty good year ourselves, and you guys are all right in my book. Minion: Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! Gru: No, no raises! You're not going to get any raises. What did we do? Well, we stole the Times Square JumboTron! Nice! That's how I roll. Yeah, you all like watching football on that, huh? But that's not all. We stole the Statue of Liberty, the small one from Las Vegas. And I won't even mention the Eiffel Tower! Also Vegas. Okay, I wasn't going to tell you about this yet, but I have been working on something very big! Something that will blow this pyramid thing out of the water! And thanks to the efforts of my good friend Dr. Nefario... Dr. Nefario: Thank you! Gru: There he is. He's stylin'. Now, we have located a shrink ray in a secret lab, and once we take this shrink ray, we will have the capability to pull off the 'true crime of the century. We are going to steal... The Minions all pull out their weapons in response. Gru: Wait, wait! I haven't told you what it is yet. One of the Minions, Dave, shoots his rocket launcher at a crowd of Minions. Gru: Hey. Dave, listen up, please! Dave: Ditto. One of the Minions Dave shot walks over to him and punches him on the shoulder. Gru: Next, we are going to steal, pause for effect, the moon! The Minions cheer in response. Gru: And once the moon is mine, the world will give me whatever I want to get it back! And I will be the greatest villain of all time! That's what I'm talkin' 'bout. [picks up his phone] Yes? Dr. Nefario: Hello, Gru? I've been crunching some numbers, and I really don't see how we can afford this. It can't be done. I'm not a miracle worker. Gru:Hey, chillax. I'll just get another loan from the bank. They love me! Margo: Edith, stop it! Edith: What? I'm just walking. Girls: Hi, Miss Hattie. We're back. Miss Hattie: Hello, girls! Agnes: Anybody come to adopt us while we were out? Miss Hattie: Hmm... Let me think. No! Edith immediately puts a mud pie on Miss Hattie's desk, much to her displeasure. Miss Hattie: Edith! What did you put on my desk? Edith: A mud pie. Miss Hattie: [sighs] You're never gonna get adopted, Edith. You know that, don't you? Edith: Yeah, I know. Miss Hattie: Good. So, how did it go, girls? Did we meet our quotas? Margo: Hmm... Sorta. We sold 43 mini-mints, 30 choco-swirlies and 18 coco-nutties. Miss Hattie: [gets up] Okay.

Well, you say that like it's a great sale day. [furious] Look at my face! Do you still think it's a great sale day? Edith rolls her eyes in response. Miss Hattie: [hangs up a portrait] Eighteen coco-nutties. I think we can do a little better than that, don't you? Yeah. We wouldn't want to spend the weekend in the Box of Shame, would we? No. Girls: No, Miss Hattie. Miss Hattie: Okay, good. Off you go. Go clean something of mine. Girls: Hi, Penny. Penny: Hi, guys. Gru: Hello, Mom. Sorry, I meant to call, but... Gru's Mom: I just wanted to congratulate you on stealing the pyramid. [Gru sighs in disgust] That was you, wasn't it? Or was it a villain who's actually successful? [laughs] Gru: Just so you know, Mom, I am about to do something that's very, very big, very important. When you hear about it, you're going to be very proud. Gru's Mom: Ha! [sarcastically] Good luck with that. Okay, I'm outta here. [hangs up the phone before sending her karate instructor flying] Gru: Gru to see Mr Perkins Receptionist: Yes, please have a seat. Neil Armstrong: That's one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind. Young Gru: Ma, someday I'm going to go to the moon. Gru's Mom: I'm afraid you're too late, Son. NASA isn't sending the monkeys any more. Vector: Hey. I'm applying for a new villain loan. Go by the name of Vector. It's a mathematical term, a quantity represented by an arrow, with both direction and magnitude. Vector! That's me, 'cause I'm committing crimes with both direction and magnitude. Oh, yeah! Check out my new weapon. Piranha gun! Oh, yes! Fires live piranhas. Ever seen one before? No, you haven't. I invented it. Do you want a demonstration? Shoot! So difficult, sometimes, to get the piranha back inside of my... Receptionist: Mr Gru, Mr Perkins will see you now. Gru: So, all I need is money from the bank to build a rocket. And then, the moon is ours. Perkins: Wow! Well, very nice presentation. I'd like to see this shrink ray. Gru: Absolutely! Will do. Soon as I have it. Perkins: You don't have it? And yet you have the audacity to ask the bank for money? Gru: Apparently. Perkins: Do you have any idea of the capital that this bank has invested in you, Gru? With far too few of your sinister plots actually turning a profit. How can I put it? Let's say this apple is you. If we don't start getting our money back... Get the picture? Look, Gru, the point is, there are a lot of new villains out there, younger than you, hungrier than you, younger than you. Like that young fellow out there named Vector. He just stole a pyramid! Gru: I've got it. I've got it. So, as far as getting money for the rocket... Perkins: Get the shrink ray, then we'll talk. Minion: Suckers! Suckers! Gru: We got it! What? Hey! Hey! What! Hey! No, no, no! You! Vectors: Now, maybe you'll think twice before you freeze someone's head! So long, Gru! Gru: Quick! We can't let him get away! Up ahead! Up ahead! Fire! Fire, now! Vector: You missed me! Gru: Come to papa! Take that. Vector: How adorable. Gru: Got you in our sights! Like taking candy from a... What? Vector: Hey, Gru! Try this on for size! Gru: That's weird. What is going... This is claustrophobic! No, no, no! Too small! This is too small for me! [groans] I hate that guy. Margo: ...and please watch over us, and bless that we'll have a good night's sleep. Edith: And bless that while we're sleeping, no bugs will crawl into our ears and lay eggs in our brains. Margo: Great. Thanks for that image, Edith. Agnes: And please bless that someone will adopt us soon, and that the mommy and daddy will be nice and have a pet unicorn. Amen. Margo/Edith: Amen. Agnes: Unicorns, I love them Unicorns, I love them Uni, uni, unicorns I love them Uni, unicorns, I could pet one If they were really real And they are So, I bought one so I could pet it Now it loves me Now I love it Gru: Don't you... What the... Good luck, little girls! Edith: Whoa! Cool. Margo: Hi! We're orphans from Miss Hattie's Home for Girls. Vector: I don't care. Beat it! Margo: Come on! We're selling

cookies so, you know, we can have a better future. Vector: Wait, wait! Do you have coco-nutties? Margo: Yeah. Gru: Light bulb. Dr Nefario! I'm going to need a dozen tiny robots disguised as cookies! Dr. Nefario: What? Gru: Cookie robots! Dr. Nefario: Who is this? - Gru: Oh, forget it. Mrs. Hattie: Well, it appears you have cleared our background check, Dr Gru. And I see you have made a list of some of your personal achievements. Thank you for that. I love reading. And I see you have been given the Medal of Honor and a knighthood. - Minions: Me, me, me. Me, me, me. Minion: Kevin? Mrs. Hattie: You had your own cooking show and you can hold your breath for 30 seconds? It's not that impressive. Minion: Idiot! - Minions: Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Mrs Hattie: What in the name of... What? Gru: Well, here's the dealio. Things have been so lonely since my wife, Debbie, passed on. It's like my heart is a tooth, and it's got a cavity that can only be filled with children. I'm sorry. You are a beautiful woman. Do you speak Spanish? Mrs. Hattie: Do I look like I speak Spanish? Gru: You have a face como un burro. Mrs. Hattie: Well, thank you! Gru: Anyway, can we proceed with this adoption? So, so excited! Mrs. Hattie: Please tell Margo, Edith and Agnes to come to the lobby. Margo: I bet the mom is beautiful! Edith: I bet the daddy's eyes sparkle. Agnes: I bet their house is made of Gummi Bears. [Edith and Margo look at her curiously] I'm just saying it'd be nice. [picks up a Cheeto] Aww. My caterpillar never turned into a butterfly. Edith: That's a Cheeto. Agnes: Oh... [eats said Cheeto, making Edith and Margo recoil in disgust] Miss Hattie: Well, Debbie was a very lucky woman. [pause] Gru: Who's Debbie? Mrs Hattie: Your wife. Hi, girls! Girls, I want you to meet Mr Gru. He's going to adopt you. And he's a dentist! Agnes: Yeah! Margo: Hi. I'm Margo. This is Edith. And that's Agnes. Agnes: [sing-song] I got your leg, I got your leg! Gru: Okay, that is enough, little girl. Let go of my leg. Come on. You can do it. Agnes: Higher! Higher! Gru: Just release your grip. Wow! How do you remove them? Is there a command? Some nonstick spray? Crowbar? [sighs] Okay, girls, let's go. [They drove off in the distance.]Vector: Uh-huh! Oh, yeah! Pretty impressive! What are you looking at? Boo-ya! You got shrunk, tiny mouthwash! Take that! You done been shrunk! (His phone rings) Yello? I got the shrink ray, all right. No, I'm not playing with it. Gru? Don't make me laugh! No. P.S., he is not getting the moon, and P.P.S., by the time I'm done with him, he's gonna be begging for mercy. (Shrinks a toilet) Okay, bye. (Hangs up) Look at you, a little tiny toilet for a little tiny baby to... [The toilet pops out and water sprays him.]Vector: Curse you, tiny toilet! [Gru and the Girls arrive at Gru's Home.] Gru: "Okay, here we are. Home sweet home. Margo: So... This is, like, your house? [realizing] Wait a sec... You're the guy who pretended he was a recorded message! Gru: No, that was someone else. [Margo gives a skeptical look before she, Edith and Agnes enter Gru's house, with Gru following suite.] Agnes: [scared] Can I hold your hand? Gru: Uh... No. Edith: [looks around] When we got adopted by a bald guy, I thought this'd be more like "Annie". Gru: No, hey! [screams] Kyle, these are not treats. These are guests. Girls, this is Kyle, my... Dog. Kyle snarls in anger. Agnes: Ooh! Fluffy doggy! [approaches Kyle before he runs away, much to her disappointment] Margo: What kind of dog is that? Gru: He is a... I don't know. Margo: Do you really think that this is an appropriate place for little kids? 'Cause, uh... It's not. [Edith sees a closet that is sharp and goes in it.] Gru: No! No! Stay away from there! It's frag... [He sees juice spilling on the floor.]Both: (Gasps) Gru: Well, I suppose the plan will work with two. Edith: [muffled] Hey! It's dark in here. [Gru opens the iron maiden, revealing Edith, who spits out a straw]Edith: It poked a hole in my juice box. [They went to the

kitchen.] Gru: As you can see, I have provided everything a child might need. All right. Okay. As I was saying... (Edith knocked a bottle down) Gru: (Cont'd) Hey! Oh. Edith: Somebody broke that. Gru: "Okay, okay. Clearly, we need to set some rules. Rule number one. You will not touch anything. Margo: Uh-huh. What about the floor? Gru: Yes, you may touch the floor. Margo: What about the air? Gru: Yes, you may touch the air! Edith: (Gets out a laser gun) What about this? Gru: (Screams) Where did you get that? Edith: [shrugs] Found it. Gru: Okay. Rule number two. You will not bother me while I'm working. Rule number three. You will not cry or whine or laugh or giggle or sneeze or burp or fart! So, no, no, no annoying sounds. All right? Agnes: Does this count as annoying? [popping] Gru: Very! [sighs] I will see you in six hours. Margo: Okay, don't worry. Everything's going to be fine. We're gonna be really happy here. Right? Agnes? Gru: Question. What are these? Dr. Nefario: A dozen boogie robots! Boogie! Look at this. Watch me! Gru: Cookie robots. I said cookie robots. Why are you so old? Dr. Nefario: Okay. I'm on it. Margo: Hello? Agnes: TV! Margo: What is that? Edith: Whoa! That is cool! Come on! Agnes: I don't think he's a dentist.Dr. Nefario: We've been working on this for a while. It's a anti-gravity serum. I meant to close that. He'll be all right, I'm sure. Gru: Do the effects wear off? Dr. Nefario: So far, no. No, they don't. And here, of course, is the new weapon you ordered. Gru: No, no. I said "dart gun," not... Okay. Dr. Nefario: Oh, yes. 'Cause I was wondering under what circumstances would we use this? But, anyway. What I really wanted to show you was this. Gru: Now those are cookie robots! Agnes: La, la, la, la I love unicorns Gru: What are you doing here? I told you to stay in the kitchen! Margo: We got bored. What is this place? Edith: Can I drink this? Dr. Nefario: Do you want to explode? [Edith kicks him in the shin] Dr. Nefario: Gru! Gru: Get back in the kitchen! Agnes: Will you play with us? Gru: No. Agnes: Why? Gru: Because I'm busy. Margo: [scoffs] Doing what? Gru: Umm... Okay, okay, you got me. The dentist thing is more of a hobby. In real life, I am a spy. And it is top secret, and you may not tell anybody, because if you do... Edith: What does this do? [She fires a laser and it hits Agnes's unicorn and it burns to ashes]Gru: Hey! Edith: Whoops. Agnes: My unicorn! You have to fix it. Gru: Fix it? Look, it has been disintegrated. By definition, it cannot be fixed. [Agnes gasps in shock, then starts holding her breath] Gru: That's freaking me out. What is she doing? Margo: She's gonna hold her breath until she gets a new one. Gru: [sighs] It is just a toy. Now stop it! (Agnes faints) Gru: Okay, okay! I'll fix it! Tim! Mark! Phil! This is very important. You have to get the little girl a new unicorn toy. Gru: Hey, hey, hey! A toy! Go, and hurry! What are those? Gru: They are my... Cousins. Jerry! Stuart! Watch them and keep them away from me please. [The three minions put on a disguise and head to the store.]Minions: Wow!- Wow! [Meanwhile the two minions and the girls are tossing toilet paper at each other. Gru comes up and he sees the Girls and the two minions having fun.]Edith: It was your cousin's idea. Jerry: What? Gru: Okay, bedtime. Girls: Aww... Minions: Aww... Gru: Not you two! Minions: Yay. Gru: Okey-dokey. Beddie-bye. All tucked in. Sweet dreams. Margo: Just so you know, you're never gonna be my dad. Gru: I think I can live with that. Edith: Are these beds made out of bombs? Gru: Yes, but they are very old and highly unlikely to blow up. But try not to toss and turn. Edith: "Cool." Agnes: Will you read us a bedtime story?" Gru: No. Agnes: But we can't go to sleep without a bedtime story. Gru: Well, then it's going to be a long night for you, isn't it? So, good night, sleep tight, and don't let the bed bugs bite. Because there are literally thousands of them. And there's probably something in your closet. Margo: He's just kidding, Agnes. Agnes: It's beautiful. Gru: Girls, let's go.

Time to deliver the cookies! Margo: Okay. But first, we're going to dance class. Gru: Actually, we're going to have to skip the dance class today. Margo: Actually, we can't skip the dance class today. We have a big recital coming up. We're doing an excerpt from Swan Lake. Agnes: Yeah, Swan Lake! Gru: That's fantastic. Wonderful. But we're going to deliver cookies! Come on! Margo: No. Gru: No? Margo: We're not going to deliver cookies until we do dance class. Really? Gru: Well, I am not driving you to dance class. So if you want to go, you are going to have to walk yourselves. What are you doing? Margo: Walking to dance class. Gru: Ya? Okay, fine. You just keep walking, because I'm really not driving you! Margo: Okay. Gru: You're going to suffer the wrath of Gru! Seriously, I'm going to count to three! And you had better be in this car! Here we go! One! Two! Teacher: ...three, four and five. And lift, and stretch. And one, and two... Agnes: Here you go. Gru: What is it? Agnes: Your ticket to the dance recital. You are coming, right? Gru: Of course, of course. I have pins and needles that I'm sitting on. Agnes: Pinkie promise? Gru: Oh, yes. My pinkie promises. All right. Our first customer is a man named Vector. Margo: But he's a V. You know, we're supposed to start with the A's. Then we go to the B's. Then we... Gru: Yes, yes! I went to kindergarten. I know how the alphabet works! I was just thinking that it might be nice to deliver Mr Vector's first. That is all. Almost over. It's almost over. Vector: Girls, welcome back to the fortress of Vector-tude! Do you have my cookies for me? Margo: Four boxes of mini-mints, two toffee totes, two caramel clumpies and fifteen boxes of coco-nutties. Vector: Exactly. I'd like to see somebody else order that many cookies. Not likely. Name one person who ordered more cookies than me. Margo: That'll be $52. Vector: Right. Seven, eight, nine... Tic Tacs! Where was I? Seven, eight, nine... Agnes: Why are you wearing pyjamas? Vector: These aren't pyjamas! This is a warm-up suit. Edith: What are you warming up for? Vector: Stuff. Agnes: What sort of stuff? Vector: Super-cool stuff you wouldn't understand. Agnes: Like sleeping? Vector: They are not pyjamas! Here you go, 52 big ones. Bye! Gru: Come on! Vector: What the...? Quiet down, fish. Down, boy!Gru: [laughs] We did it! Come on, girls, let's go! Margo: But what about the other people who ordered cookies? Gru: Life is full of disappointments... For some people. [chuckles ominously] Agnes: (Screams) Gru: Don't do that! Agnes: Super Silly Fun Land! Can we go? Please? Gru: No. Edith: But we've never been. And it's the funnest place on earth! Gru: "Don't care." Girls: Please? Please? We'll never ask for anything else, ever again! Pretty please? Please? Come on! Come on! Gru: "Light bulb." Edith: Come on! Gru: "Goodbye, have fun. [He began to leave. But a attendant of the roller coaster stopped him.]Carnival Ride Worker: Sorry, dude. They can't ride without an adult. Gru: What? [groans] [Soon Gru gets sick from the roller coaster ride.]Agnes: Oh, my gosh! Look at that fluffy unicorn! He's so fluffy, I'm gonna die! Margo: You've gotta let us play for it! Gru: No, no, no. Agnes: Come on! Gru: How much for the fluffy unicorn?Carnival Barker: Well, it is not for sale. But all you gotta do to win it is knock down that little spaceship there. It's easy! Agnes: Yay! Again! Margo: Wait! Edith: Come on. One more time! Agnes: Just one more. I accidentally closed my eyes. I hit it! I hit it! Edith: That was cool. Awww. Gru: Whoa, whoa, whoa. What was that? She hit that. I saw that with my own eyes.Carnival Barker: Hey, buddy, let me explain something to you. You see that little tin spaceship? You see how it's not knocked over? Do you know what that means, professor? It means you don't get the unicorn! Somebody's got a frowny face. Boo! Better luck next time! Gru: Okay, my turn. [Gru uses a fire gun and it blows up the whole booth.]Gru: "Knocked over!" Agnes: It's so fluffy! Yeah! Margo: That was

awesome! Edith: You blew up the whole thing! Agnes: Let's go. Let's try another game!Dr. Nefario: Gru, do you mind if I have a quick word? Gru: Okay, girls, go play. I got the shrink ray! Cotton candy! Dr. Nefario: We have 12 days until the moon is in optimum position. We can't afford any distractions! Gru: Get me Perkins. Sorry to bother you, Mr Perkins, but I figured that you would want to see this! Mr. Perkins: What? Well done, Gru. Rather impressive.Gru: Now, the rest of the plan is simple. I fly to the moon. I shrink the moon. I grab the moon. I sit on the toi-let. What? (girls start laughing) Sorry. Sorry! Could you excuse me for just one second? I told you not to touch my things. I told you, I told you. I've told you a thousand times. Margo: Hey, can we order pizza? Gru: Pizza? You just had lunch. Edith: Not now, for dinner. Gru: Dinner? Just... Fine, fine, fine, whatever. Just get back in there! Margo: Can we get stuffed crust? Agnes and Jerry: Stuffed crust!Gru: I'll stuff you all in the crust! Agnes: [giggles] You're funny! Gru: Just don't come out of that room again! All right. Sorry about that. Where were we? Mr. Perkins: You were sitting on the toilet. Gru: No, no, no! No, I'm sorry. It was a little attempt at humor. I know how much you like to laugh... [Mr. Perkins glares at him] Inside. Eh, now, I was saying... [the door suddenly opens] You don't seem terribly focused, Gru. Believe me, I am completely focused. Right? Edith: Hello! Mr. Perkins: What? Edith: That guy is huge! Agnes: Are we on TV? Mr. Perkins: What are those? Children?Gru: What are you doing? I told you to stay out of here! No, no, no! *Agnes: Freeze ray!Mr. Perkins: Mr Gru? Gru: Okay. As I was saying... Mr. Perkins: No need to continue. I've seen quite enough. Gru: But my plan... Mr. Perkins: Is a great plan. I love everything about your plan, except for one thing. You. Young Gru: Look, Mom, I drew a picture of me landing on the moon! Look, Mom, I made a prototype of the rocket out of macaroni! Look, Mom, I made a real rocket based on the macaroni prototype! Gru: I don't understand. Mr. Perkins: Let's face reality, Gru. You've been at this for far too long with far too little success. We're gonna put our faith, our money, into a... Well, a younger villain. Gru: But I... Mr. Perkins: It's over. Goodbye, Gru. Gru: Now, I know there have been some rumours going around that the bank is no longer funding us. Well, I am here to put those rumours to rest. They are true. In terms of money, we have no money. So how will we get to the moon? The answer is clear. We won't. We are doomed. Now would probably be a good time to look for other employment options. I know. I have fired up my resume as I suggest that all of you do, as well. What is it? Can't you see that I am in the middle of a pep talk? Yes! Yes, we will build our own rocket using this and whatever else we can find! Grab everything! Hit the junkyards! Take apart the cars! Who needs the bank? Let's go. Let's go! Mom! What are you doing here? Gru's Mom: And here he is in the bathtub. Look at his little buns. Gru: Mom. Not cool. Gru's Mom: And here, he's all dressed up in his Sunday best. Margo: He looks like a girl! Gru's Mom: Yes, he does. An ugly girl! Agnes: You're funny! Edith: Yes! Mine's shaped like a dead guy! Receptionist: Mr. Perkins, your son is here. Mr. Perkins: Send him in. Vector: Hey, Dad. You wanted to see me? Mr. Perkins: Yes, I did, Victor. - Vector: I am not Victor anymore. Victor was my nerd name. Now I am Vector! Mr. Perkins: Sit down. Do you know where the shrink ray is? Vector: Duh! Back at my place. Mr. Perkins: Oh, is that right? Back at your place? That's cool. I guess Gru must just have one that looks exactly like it! Vector: What the...?! Those girls sold me cookies! Mr. Perkins: Do you have any idea how lucrative this moon heist could be? I give you the opportunity of a lifetime, and you just blow it! Vector: No, I didn't. Mr. Perkins: Oh, really?Vector: You just wait until Gru sees my latest weapon. Squid-launcher! Oh, yeah! Man:

There's a squid on my face!Vector: Don't worry. The moon is as good as ours. Gru: Come on now, it's bedtime. Did you brush your teeth? Let me smell. Let me smell. You did not! Put on your PGs. Hold still. Okay, seriously! Seriously! This is beddie-bye time, right now. I'm not kidding around. I mean it! Edith: But we're not tired! Gru: Well, I am tired. Agnes: Will you read us a bedtime story? [pause] Gru: No. Agnes: Pretty please? Gru: The physical appearance of the "please" makes no difference. It is still no, so go to sleep. Edith: But we can't. We're all hyper! Margo: And without a bedtime story, we'll just keep getting up and bugging you. All night long. Gru: [sighs] Fine. All right, all right. Sleepy Kittens. Sleepy Kittens? What are these? Agnes: Puppets. You use them when you tell the story. Gru: Okay, let's get this over with. "Three little kittens loved to play, they had fun in the sun all day. "Then their mother came out and said, 'Time for kittens to go to bed."' Wow! This is garbage. You actually like this? Agnes: Keep reading! Edith: Come on! Gru: All right, all right, all right. "Three little kittens started to bawl, "'Mommy, we're not tired at all.' "Their mother smiled and said with a purr, "'Fine, but at least you should brush your fur."' Edith: Now you brush the fur. Gru: This is literature? A 2-year-old could have written this. All right. "Three little kittens with fur all brushed "said, 'We can't sleep, we feel too rushed! ' "Their mother replied, with a voice like silk, "'Fine, but at least you should drink your milk."' Agnes: Now make them drink the milk. Gru: I don't like this book. This is going on forever. "Three little kittens, with milk all gone, rubbed their eyes and started to yawn. "'We can't sleep, we can't even try.' Then their mother sang a lullaby. "'Good night kittens, close your eyes. Sleep in peace until you rise. "'Though while you sleep, we are apart, "'your mommy loves you with all her heart."' The end. Okay, good night. Agnes: Wait! Gru: What? Agnes: What about good night kisses? Gru: No, no. There will be no kissing or hugging or kissing. Margo: He is not gonna kiss us good night, Agnes. Agnes: I like him. He's nice.Edith: [turns off her light] But scary. Like Santa! Dr. Nefario: Only 48 hours till the launch, and all systems are go. Gru: About that, I was thinking that maybe we could move the date of the heist. Dr. Nefario: Please tell me this is not as a result of the girls' dance recital, is it? Gru: No, no, no! The recital? Don't... That's stupid! I just think it's kind of weird to do it on a Saturday. I was thinking, maybe a heist is a Tuesday thing, right? Dr. Nefario: Gru, you and I have been working on this for years. It's everything we've dreamed of. Your chance to make history, become the man who stole the moon! But these girls are becoming a major distraction! They need to go. If you don't do something about it, then I will. Gru: I understand. Dr. Nefario: Good. Minion: Butt. Butt. Butt. Gru: All right. Now, when we put our cups together, we will make the "clink" sound with our mouths. Ready? Edith? Gru: and Edith: Clink. Gru: There we go. And now we drink. And Agnes? Gru and Agnes: Clink. Gru: Very good! Excuse me, girls. Girls: Come on! Gru: Don't worry, I'll be back. Keep clinking. - Clink, clink. - Clink, clink.Gru: Miss Hattie, what are you doing here? Miss Hattie: I'm here for the girls. I received a call that you wanted to return them. [Gru gives her a quizzical look] And also, I did purchase a Spanish dictionary. [swats Gru's head with the dictionary] I didn't like what you said. Gru: But... I will get the girls ready. Agnes: Don't let her take us, Mr. Gru! Tell her you wanna keep us. Mrs. Hattie: All right, girls. Come on, let's go. Margo: Goodbye, Mr. Gru. Thanks for everything. Dr. Nefario: I did it for your own good. Come on, let's go get that moon. Gru: Right. What is this for? The recital? I am the greatest criminal mind of the century. I don't go to little girls' dance recitals! Dr. Nefario: Opening launch bay

doors. Commencing launch sequence. And we are good to go in T minus 10 seconds. Ten, nine, eight, seven, six... Vector: Oh, yeah! Gru: Nice work, Doctor. All systems go. Vector: Boo-ya! My flight suit. Oh, yeah! Once again, the mighty... Gru: I've got it! I've got the moon! I've got the moon. I can make it. Dr. Nefario: Wait a minute! Jerry: Kevin! Gru: Come on! Come on! Agnes: He's still not here. Margo: Why would he come? He gave us up. Agnes: But he pinkie promised! Teacher: Girls, girls, places. Edith: No, we can't start yet! We're still expecting someone. Agnes: Can we just wait a few more minutes? Teacher: All right. But just a few more minutes. Margo: He's not coming, guys. Dr. Nefario: Gru! Gru, can you hear me? Quick, we have to warn him, and fast!Gru: Okay, okay. There's the library. That's Third Street. The dance studio... There! There! There it is! Janitor: Sorry, buddy. Show's over.Gru: Over? Gru: Vector, open up! Vector: First give me the moon. Then we'll talk. Agnes: Mr. Gru! Vector: Zip it, Happy Meal. Gru: Now, the girls. Vector: Actually, I think I'll hold on to them a little while longer. Gru: No! Vector: Oh, yeah! Unpredictable! Gru: Listen close, you little punk. When I get in there, you are in for a world of pain! Vector: [laughs sarcastically] I'm really scared. Agnes: He is gonna kick your butt. Vector: What? He punched my shark! Dr. Nefario: There he is! Hang on, Gru. Oh, no! Gru: Vector has the girls. Go! Dr. Nefario: What happened to the ship? It's big again! Not as big as the moon is going to be! Gru: What? Dr. Nefario: The larger the mass of an object, the quicker the effects of the shrink ray wear off! I call it the Nefario Principle. I just came up with it now, actually. Gru: Oh, no! Margo: Did you see that? Girls: Vector! Help! Vector! Over here! Vector: Hey! What are you girls doing back there? Girls: The moon! Watch out! Vector: Ouch! Gru: Get as close in as you can. You got it. Margo: Mr Gru, up here! Agnes and Edith: Mr Gru! Gru: Okay, girls! Girls! You're going to have to jump. Edith: Jump? Are you insane? Gru: Don't worry, I will catch you. Margo: You gave us back! Gru: I know, I know. And it is the worst mistake I ever made. But you have to jump now. Margo: It'll be okay. Gru: Okay, girls. Margo: Jump now! Gru: Margo, I will catch you. And I will never let you go again. Vector: Not so fast! Gru: No! Margo: Let me go! Gru: Margo! I'm coming, Margo. Hang on! I got you.Vector: No! Oh, poop. News Reporter: This time, good triumphs, and the moon has been returned to its rightful place in the sky. But once again, law enforcement is baffled, leaving everyone to wonder, who is this mysterious hero? And what will he do next? Gru: Okay, girls. Time for bed. Edith: Come on! We want a story. Agnes: Three sleepy kittens! Gru: Oh, no! Sorry. That book was accidentally destroyed maliciously. Tonight we are going to read a new book. This one is called One Big Unicorn by... Who wrote this? Me! I wrote it. Look, it's a puppet book! Here, watch this. That's the horn! Agnes: This is gonna be the best book ever! Gru: Not to pat myself on the back, but, yes, it probably will be. Here we go. "One big unicorn, strong and free "thought he was happy as he could be. "Then three little kittens came around "and turned his whole life upside down." Edith: Hey, that one looks like me! Gru: No, what are you talking about? These are kittens! Any relation to persons living or dead is completely coincidental. "They made him laugh. "They made him cry. "He never should have said goodbye. "And now he knows he could never part "from those three little kittens "that changed his heart. "The end." Okay, all right. Good night. Margo: I love you. Gru: I love you, too. No, no! All right. Didn't I get you already? They're very good! Gru's Mom: I'm so proud of you, Son. You've turned out to be a great parent! Just like me. Maybe even better. Gru: No, I'm fine. Go ahead. No, no, no! THE END Hey, Carl! Hey. No, no, no. Me, me, me. John? No, no. Me, me, me. Oh,

poop. Oh, no! Stop! Stop! Hello, I am Gru. Back to work, back to work! Back to…

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dontcallmecarrie · 3 years

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tfw the plot bunny strikes and refuses to let go, here, continuation of this:

Loki was torn between chagrin and vague amusement, as he observed everyone else’s reactions to the two Justin Hammers in between herding everyone to one of the safehouses Victor von Doom had somehow managed to get ahold of in this strange world.

At first glance, Victor seemed to be the most unperturbed— but Loki knew him well enough to note the way his eyes had widened when he’d seen the two side by side, couldn’t help but catch the tiniest shift in the way he held himself and Loki would bet anything that if he were any sort of telepath, he’d be hearing nothing but an infernal screeching coming from his corner of the room.

Ivan Vanko wasn’t much better, but at least he’d elected to hyperfixate on cleaning up the loose ends they’d left in relation to their original mission: from his mutters, some of the security cameras’ footage had been trickier to access than not, and required even more effort to scrub. Loki gave it another five minutes before he was forced to look away from his computer and acknowledge the reality of the situation.

Meanwhile, the Winter Soldiers were an interesting study in contrasts; while Winter was extremely apologetic about the situation and had already apologized no less than five times, Soldat seemed to be content to look on in bemusement as the situation unraveled from there.

...which wasn’t very different from what Loki’s own counterpart was doing, actually, but at least Soldat wasn’t enjoying the chaos. Visibly, anyway, and Loki was getting a new appreciation for just how irritating that particular smirk looked on his own face. If they all weren’t so focused on calming the jumpier, more visibly frazzled-version of their leader, someone would’ve punched it off his face by now. As it was, though...

“Who the hell are you people?!” Justin Hammer whisper-shrieked, in between sharp gasps for air and eyes wide as he cowered away from his kidnappers. “And wh— wh—”

“He’s more high-strung than you are.” Someone muttered to the terrifying figure who had his face—

“Of course he is, he has no idea what’s going on and you guys kidnapped him,” his mirror image replied with a flat look, before turning to face him looking vaguely embarrassed. “Look, Hammer— can I call you Hammer? Wait, no, you can be Justin, I’ll go by Hammer and man this is weird— I can explain. Just. Sit down and take a breather, because it’s, uh, a bit of a long story.”

Justin would’ve thought an explanation would leave him with more answers than questions.

He was sorely mistaken.

The headache he had now wasn’t much of an improvement from before.

“So, let me get this straight: you,” Justin jabbed a finger at the dude with the dark grey mask which was just about the only thing differentiating him from his twin, “grabbed me because you mistook me for him—”

“Sorry about that, by the w—”

“—and you’re all from some other dimension and pissed off goodness knows how many organizations trying to figure out how to get home,” Justin steamrollered on, closing his eyes in an effort to take things one step at a time because he was trying not to feel overwhelmed but these guys weren’t making it easy, “is that right?”

“Well...”

“I mean...”

“Yeah.” Ivan— not the bastard responsible for his being in Seagate, another version of him who apparently didn’t actively try and screw people over— replied, and Justin opened his eyes just in time to catch the tail end of his shrug. “That about sums it up.”

“Okay.” Justin nodded to himself. “Why?”

“Why what? You’re going to need to be more specific, here, I’m not a mind reader.”

“How’d you even get here? Or do you weirdos just go dimension-hopping for fun on a Friday night?”

“You’re not the only one wondering that.” The alien god said airily, toying with a— that was a knife, okay, Justin already knew he was in way over his head, he didn’t need the reminder, thanks. Where did it even come from, anyway? “I would really like to know that as well, Ivan.”

“Oh, nah, this was a freak accident.” Ivan snorted, then gave them all a smirk that gave Justin goosebumps for a second. “As for why...look at it this way: this was weird and stressful for us, and from the start you guys knew what was going on and have me to figure out how to get us back. Now imagine if it’d been the Avengers.”

The silent, broody one— Victor, was it?— made a noise of realization. “That is diabolical. I love it.”

“I know, I was trying to figure out how to temper it when this happened. The ray gun was supposed to be temporary, I’m not sure what happened but the end goal’s a duration of twenty-four hours. Sorry you guys got caught up in the beta, by the way.”

“We are going to be having words about proper lab safety protocols when we get home, Ivan.” Victor said darkly, and something in his voice that had six out of the seven other people in the room freezing for a second.

Justin couldn’t help but notice his...twin was not part of that number.

But first, because this was something he’d been wondering ever since he’d heard of how this ‘Cabal’ operated—

“Why are you going to this effort?”Justin asked.

“Oh, boy, here we go again,” the guy calling himself ‘Winter’ muttered, but before he do more than start to turn to him in confusion, Ivan spoke.

“Because death is too simple.” He said, not looking away from the computer he’d pulled out. “Because any rando with a gun could do that, if they wanted. No, if I’ve got a beef with someone, I want them to suffer. I want them to regret ever having pissed me off, to curse my name every time they step on a Lego and realize who put it there, to—”

“Yes, I know, we get it.” One of the alien gods cut in. The one who didn’t look like shit, and had a long-suffering look on his face partway into Ivan’s spiel. “If I had a penny for every time you go on that rant...”

“Says the guy who uses my ideas to become the official nemesis of the Avengers.” Ivan shot back, unamused, and the way Winter sighed and Victor pinched the bridge of his nose told him this was a recurring argument.

“Guys,” Justin’s...twin cut in, and Justin couldn’t help but feel something in the pit of his stomach clench as he noticed the way everyone from his dimension came to attention. “If we could focus on getting home?”

“I know, I know, I’m on it.” Ivan muttered, turning back to his computer. “Trying to throw SHIELD off our trail’s easier here, but it’s still not exactly a cakewalk.”

“Okay. What can we do in the meantime?”

The more Justin saw of this ‘Cabal’, of Hammer and the others, the more uncomfortable he felt.

Because the more time passed, the more it felt like...he was seeing a better version of himself.

How long had he tried to get people to respect him? How many classes on public speaking and marketing had he taken, how many books had he read in an effort to build his charisma, to be remembered as something other than the cheap knockoff of Tony Stark?

And now...

Justin watched as someone wearing his face walked around, and he was quiet, and fairly introverted, but something about him demanded respect, commanded all the attention in the room when he talked, and... Justin wanted that.

Of course, Justin’s...twin noticed.

For some reason, the look of sympathy he got felt even worse than the first time he’d donned prisoner’s uniform in Seagate.

Not to mention the conversation they had, when Justin was ushered into a quiet corner near the safehouse’s kitchen as they had tea.

It was. A talk.

Not a great one.

Not that there really could’ve been, considering, but.

“I am not you, you are not me, and that’s a good thing.”

Justin didn’t know what he was expecting, really.

Another version of himself, forcing him to acknowledge things he’d thought he’d gotten over— how was he supposed to handle it?

“You were set up for failure from the start, you know. No child should ever have to carry some of the burdens you grew up with.”

Just.

Someone who understood, and how was he supposed to deal?

“You cannot change the past, but you can control your own actions in the future. What do you want to do, who do you want to become? What makes you, you?”

Justin had thought he’d felt tired when he’d finally been brought into the mess these guys were part of, but now his exhaustion felt soul-deep and he didn’t know when he’d started crying but no matter how hard he tried, he just couldn’t stop—

Mercifully, the others left him alone for the rest of the day.

He... needed to think.

Justin wasn’t the only one having a hard time, he knew: he’d noticed the way Soldat followed Winter around, trying to mimic his self-confidence, and the Loki of this world looked at the easy camaraderie his counterpart had with a hunger that would’ve made Justin very nervous if that expression were aimed at him.

Something dark and feral, all jagged edges and brittle smiles and it shouldn’t have resonated nearly as much as it did but—

It made for a good conversation starter, if nothing else. Something relatable to bond over tea, because Victor was a monster who had an irrational disdain for coffee and Justin needed his caffeine fix if he wanted to keep what was left of his sanity.

Justin didn’t know what he brought to the table. Not compared to whatever his twin did, anyway, and he didn’t want to go that route either because he wanted to be himself.

Even if he wasn’t certain what that looked like, anyway, not after decades of chasing after Tony Stark’s shadow, but...

He’d find out. Somehow.

“Hey! Guys, I figured it out!” Ivan’s excited cheer woke everyone up early one morning. “Just gotta get my hands on some materials, but we can go home soon!”

#No Hero [Downward Descending]#schrodinger's canon #My writing

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sepublic · 5 years

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Once Upon a Body Swap!

At first I thought this episode would be filler, and I was honestly all for it! Sometimes, regular slice-of-life shows without overarching plot points are good (although my love for the latter still remains)! And just about every episode we’ve gotten so far has been relevant to the plot and characters in its own way!

However, THEN Luz-as-Eda got arrested, and we got Lilith! I was excited to see her and just in general I keep thinking about her and Eda’s complex relationship, and it shows!

The last time we saw Lilith, she said that Eda’s days were ‘numbered’. At first glance this sounds like typical, ominous bad guy words. But really, if you take into account how Eda’s curse works and so forth... Really, it can be interpreted less as “I’ll get my revenge on you Eda!” and more “Eda, time is running out from this curse and if you don’t get help ASAP, things could turn out VERY wrong.”

And this episode basically proved me right! I was hoping for at least a mention of Warden Wrath when the Conformatorium was brought up, but then Lilith came in and showed us why she’s such an interesting character. She makes a big deal to Kikimora about how she’ll ‘capture’ Eda... But as soon as she has her chance, she immediately goes out of her way to grant Eda amnesty.

Obviously, it’s with a catch- She HAS to join the Emperor’s Coven. But Lilith doesn’t exactly frame it as “I do this and in return you do this”, she genuinely thinks the Emperor’s Coven is a good opportunity for Eda! And from the way she’s so excited to be with her sister, it really shows that she cares a LOT and has always been looking the other way, if not outright interfering, in order to keep Eda safe.

That being said, she does talk about Eda “no longer being a threat to society” or something like that, which... Yikes. Lilith means well but she can also come across as harsh and condescending. I wouldn’t be surprised if these sort of casual, off-handed remarks genuinely hurt Eda back when they were younger. Eda knows Lilith means well, but there’s probably this idea that Lilith still views Eda as a ‘problem’ to be fixed. Eda just wants to be treated with respect as a person, and I wouldn’t be shocked if her getting cursed led to discrimination and her falling out with ‘society’ as a result. Alternatively, Eda’s moral sense and belief in freedom was also what led her to rejecting the Emperor’s Coven. Either way, Lilith is making an effort but she also doesn’t seem to understand what Eda’s going through as well.

On the flip-side, I know that I keep appreciating how Lilith will always look out for her sister by the end of the day... But her rant at the end indicates some growing frustration. There may come a point where Eda’s rebukes cause Lilith to just snap and decide that, NO, she’s going to forcibly bring Eda along into the Emperor’s Coven so her sister can be safe and happy and accepted, and hopefully they can cure the curse! And, if we want to consider the potential parallels between Lilith and her protege Amity... I wonder if Eda herself was cruel to Lilith when they were younger? It could be a complex relationship of Eda always making Lilith feel ashamed and embarrassed, especially after becoming cursed and a criminal. But on the other hand, Lilith is no saint with how she ultimately still ‘others’ Eda in her attempts to reach out.

There’s this sense that the sisters both care for one another... But they’ve also got a lot of growing issues and insecurities that keep them from quite bridging the gap. They have different beliefs, different experiences, etc., and it’s possibly getting harder and harder for the two to reconcile.

(Sorry, I just... have a lot of feelings about Eda and Lilith. Lilith wants the best for Eda but she’s also a bit insensitive and willing to steamroll over what her sister has to say, dismissing Eda’s valid issues with the system and assuming the system will fix everything. Likewise, Eda may or may not be guilty of treating Lilith like a joke, pushing her away, and not taking her seriously. I just love them.)

Now, with THAT part of the episode out of the way...

I really appreciate the decisions for who switched with whose body in each scenario! Arguably, it’s like the main trio walked in the shoes of the one they sort of ‘knew the least’ in their own sense.

Take for example, Luz becoming Eda. Now, Luz already knows King, she frequently acknowledges the limitations of his stature, and has heard about his insecurities with being taken seriously, about wanting others to know more about demons, etc. The two are close.

Luz and Eda, however... Again, they’re close. But as the show itself teases, there’s really a lot Luz doesn’t know about Eda. She’s curious about Eda’s past, she wants to know more about magic and how Eda does it, and so forth. Eda’s admittedly a bit more prickly with Luz, unlike King.

Next, we’ve got King. King doesn’t need to walk in Eda’s shoes, he’s been with her longer than Luz and is a fellow fugitive. They’ve run from the law together, fought together, and were willing to go down together as early as episode 1. They clearly have a past and King knows what it’s like to be on the run, no questions there.

I mentioned earlier that King and Luz are definitely closer than Eda and Luz... But amidst it all, it’s important to remember that unlike Eda, he has very little understanding of growing up as a young teen, having the pressure of being bullied and ostracized, and so forth. Granted, King’s past is a bit of a mystery, but from the way he talks he’s never been in a typical school setting with other peers his age. He also doesn’t take her teenage problems seriously, because to him, Luz has had it easy and hasn’t quite lived on the run as a criminal like him and Eda. She still sort of IS one by virtue of ‘fraternizing with a criminal’, but not nearly to the wanted extent as Eda and King. To King, Luz has always had a support network from the beginning. Thus, he has more to learn from Luz, so he goes into her body.

Finally, we have Eda becoming King. I imagine she seems a bit of her younger self in Luz, being naive and impressionable and excited about magic. They’ve got parallels, she knows what it’s like to grow up as a teen and deal with other peers, etc. But while she knows King, she really doesn’t seem to get his whole ‘being small and fluffy’ deal. Luz has heard from King, first-hand, what it’s like to be small and not taken seriously. She’s heard King talk about not having others interested in what he has to say.

But while Luz heard all of this, Eda was a monster and had no recollection (nor was she even there to hear it). She and King are good friends, but she also doesn’t grasp what it’s like to have everyone immediately label you as cute and adorable... Growing up, and even now, Eda is only used to being treated as a freak and a deviant. To her, King’s situation DOES seem ideal... That is, until she receives the condescension and violation of personhood that he regularly goes through. In this case, the experience probably resonated a little too well.

I liked the dynamics of the swaps in this episode! It really gave characters the chance to explore one another in areas they didn’t quite grasp or couldn’t really relate to!

...On another note, is anyone else a little disturbed by this repeating trend of King being treated less as a person, and more like a pet or even toy to be owned? With Eda and Luz, clearly they value him as a person. But then you have people like Tibbles, Boscha, and those two creepy ladies, who treat King as something they can just buy and own. Tibbles in particular immediately nabbed King for himself without asking, even though Eda never consented to considering King as one of the things she ‘owns’.

I know King’s situation that Eda went through is a lot more specific and extreme than other cases. But in general, he seems to have this issue with just... Not being viewed as a person, not taken seriously and listened to as someone who has something to say. A lot of people think they can just casually override King’s free will and even just own him, just because he’s so small, cute, and ineffectual. It’s likely a very powerless and demeaning feeling that influences King to wanting more power, to desiring more agency and control over himself. He hates feeling infantilized, and while he DOES desire adoration, he wants it on his own terms. He doesn’t want to be adored because of his physical appearance, which he has no control over- King wants to be revered because of his ‘fearsome’ personality!

#the owl house #owl house #the owl house luz #the owl house eda #the owl house lilith #the owl house king #luz noceda #character analysis

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coll2mitts · 4 years

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#67 Muppets Most Wanted (2014)

"We're sorry, Kermit. We're sorry we didn't notice you were missing. We're sorry we didn't tell you often enough how much you mean to all of us. We're sorry we ever took you for granted. But, that’s never going to happen again... Kermit, we convinced ourselves that evil frog was you because he gave us what we thought we wanted. When what we really wanted... What we really needed... Was you, Kermit. The actual, real you."

After The Muppets, I was fully prepared to eat my own shoes instead of watch this movie. My only motivation was the light at the end of the tunnel. Much like the Genie at the end of Aladdin, I would have fulfilled my end of the bargain and finally be freed from having to watch any more Muppet movies ever again. But something unlikely happened... They began The Muppets Most Wanted admitting their fans at the end of The Muppets were paid extras. They were transparent about a sequel being a not-as-good cash grab. The opening number was referential to the original sequel, The Great Muppet Caper, but the lyrics were self-aware, self-deprecating and peak Muppet.

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I’ll even go on record as liking this movie a great deal. I was able to forgive the product placement, the obligatory Disney references, the pop songs, and the 7000 cameos because this movie felt like... an apology? Like they had watched the last movie and realized it was hollow, and the spirit of Kermit was steamrolled by their desperation to emotionally connect to the audience.

True to Muppet fashion, their opening number states the stakes of the movie, Ricky Gervais (...ugh) approaches The Muppets with the idea of managing them during a World Tour. Kermit, being a level-headed frog, is hesitant to sign with someone named Dominic Badguy, and doesn’t want to rush into something new without establishing a proper show beforehand. Striking while the iron is hot with your new IP is not enough of a reason to rush out a project.

Kermit is eventually persuaded to hire Dominic, but books a series of smaller venues to ease them into the swing of things.

“Looks like they put the reviews up early!” “Yeah, or is that the suggestion box?”

The Muppets are disappointed by this, and are easily swayed by Dominic to bet big and rent extremely large venues under the assumption they will sell out their shows and make the money back. Kermit is against this at first (voting for “just giving up” instead of “believing in themselves”), but he goes along with the group because he was outnumbered. The content of the show is also a point of contention, as Kermit suggests they play to their strengths, because if the show isn’t successful, they might not have jobs after the tour. This concern is also brushed off, as Dominic tells Gonzo sure, bulls running around the stage sounds like a great idea, the magnetic bomb-attractor vest will be a useful invention, and Miss Piggy should be singing 4 or 5 Celine Dion classics a night.

While Kermit is disappointed, Dominic tells him to take a walk in East Berlin to clear his mind. We then find out this is a setup to kidnap Kermit and send him to a Siberian Gulag so Dominic and the The Most Dangerous Frog in the World can schedule The Muppets to perform in venues directly next to museums that hold clues and trinkets that will assist them in stealing the Crown Jewels.

Much like The Great Muppet Caper, this movie revolves around case of mistaken identity between bad frog Constantine and good frog Kermit, with their only differentiating feature being a mole on Constantine’s face. After Kermit is kidnapped, Constantine assumes his identity, and although Constantine has a Russian accent and speaks in Muppet one-liners, he’s covered his mole in green grease paint, so the cast has no idea anything is amiss.

As artifacts go missing, Sam Eagle from the CIA and Jean Pierre Napoleon from Interpol are on the case! They dislike each other at first, as everything Sam Eagle does is comically overstated and American, while everything Jean Pierre does is comically understated and European. They gradually come to respect each other, connect the dots, and determine The Muppets... are too stupid to perform a series of heists.

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Meanwhile, Kermit is having a hard time acclimating to prison life. Nadja, the prison warden, played Tina Fey (with a really terrible accent, which I can’t tell is supposed to be terrible as a gag, or it just is?) thwarts all his attempts to escape. Kermit grows to accept he is stuck in the Gulag and his friends are not going to come and rescue him. To distract him, Nadja puts him in charge of the annual lighthearted Gulag Review, and Kermit’s practice with wrangling the Muppets make him perfect for the job of wrangling hardened criminals, like The Prison King (Jemaine Clement), Big Papa (Ray Liotta) and Danny Trejo (Danny Trejo).

Walter is suspicious something strange is going on with their tour, because he seems to be the only Muppet with critical thinking skills. He shadows Dominic and finds him bribing Robert Crawley to post good reviews of “The Muppet Show” and pay people to put butts in seats. When Walter informs Fozzie, he laments they didn’t think of doing that before, but when Walter suggests that Constantine may have replaced Kermit...

They strike out to find Kermit so he can restore order to this entire debacle, but he’s now neck deep in Gulag Review rehearsals. Even when his friends show up and convince him he needs to leave, Nadja is hesitant to let him go because she’s formed a mild attachment to him.

They stage a breakout during one of the Gulag Review musical numbers, which just happens to be about working in a coal mine, equip with pick axes that dig everyone out of the prison and to safety.

While they were gone, Miss Piggy begins to suspect something is off with “Kermit”, especially since he seemed OK with Fozzie and Walter leaving the show. In an attempt to pacify her, “Kermit” escalates his affection toward her until it, of course, all culminates in a wedding between Bad Frog and Miss Piggy, even though the last time the Real Kermit spoke with her, they got in a massive fight about her obsession with planning a wedding when he hadn’t even proposed yet. "Kermit” also books The Tower of London as the wedding venue, so Dominic can use the artifacts they’ve stolen to steal the Crown Jewels while everyone else is distracted.

The wedding does not go as planned, though, as Good Frog Kermit shows up and prevents Miss Piggy from marrying the wrong guy. Upon being found out, Constantine decides to drop one more Muppet one-liner before blowing the place to smithereens. Much like Chekhov’s gun, Professor Honeydew’s magnetic bomb-attractor vest aids the Muppets in discovering that Miss Piggy’s engagement ring IS the bomb, and Beaker, who is wearing the vest, is launched out the window, saving The Muppets and all their wedding guests.

Dominic and Constantine try to get away in a helicopter, but Piggy kicks the shit out of Constantine, because again, Piggy’s violence solves every problem in the Muppet universe. With the bad guys captured, the Muppets apologize to Kermit for ignoring his concerns about the tour, and not noticing he was gone. The decide to continue the tour, but first, they will play the Siberian Gulag as a favor to Nadja.

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And the big climax at the end... fireworks. In the shape of the Muppets.

The original songs are excellent again, because Bret McKenzie is excellent. They do have a few non-original songs, but they aid the plot this time instead of just being included for whatever fucking reason (with one notable exception, as there is no excuse for “Moves like Jagger”). The Gulag review auditions used these the best, because seeing a prison full of men sing “End of the Road” is fairly comical, and is only topped by the entire reenactment of A Chorus Line’s “I Hope I Get It”, including a costume change that involves “Gulag” crop-tops.

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The best hybrid of pop references and original jams is “Something So Right”, which actually made me cry, until Celine Dion appeared and hammed it up. Her diva energy in this movie was just perfect - I loved seeing her and Miss Piggy belt out a song while Rowlf was playing a grand piano.

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Speaking of cameos, I feel like they service the movie a lot better than The Muppets. Everyone outside of the celebrity guests on the tour were playing some sort of part, instead of just showing up and answering a phone and talking about how famous they are. Josh Groban sang from inside a metal box several times, and you only see his face for maybe 2 seconds at the end of the movie, which make it clear he just wanted to be involved. Seeing Ray Liotta and Danny Trejo singing and dancing so earnestly made me roll my eyes again at the thought of Sarah Silverman handing Amy Adams a menu and Selena Gomez telling Kermit doesn’t even know who the Muppets are.

The guests on stage were utilized well, with Christoph Waltz dancing the waltz in Berlin, Saoirse Ronan dancing a ballet in Dublin, and Salma Hayek, who is famously Mexican, getting run over by bulls in Madrid. At least the Macarena is from Spain... lord help them.

The Muppet spirit of Muppets Most Wanted is so drastically different than The Muppets to me, and I’m trying to pinpoint why that is. Perhaps it was shifting the focus to the Muppets themselves in the story instead of attention being pulled to Walter and his brother and his brother’s girlfriend’s story arc. Or maybe it was because the plot of this movie was referential to the previous Muppet movies, instead of reusing sections of the plot of the older movies to fill out the runtime. Or maybe it was because this movie was fun, instead of the miserable time everyone in The Muppets was having, crushed under the weight of their potential failure. Or maybe it was because they didn’t end this movie hoisting the Walt Disney puppet over their shoulders while an entire street of people cheer on their new corporate overlord. Whatever it is, this movie is leaps and bounds better than the other.

This concludes Muppet Week! I have consumed more Muppet content in the last few months than I have in my entire life. The Muppets are cherished for a reason, with their ability to ride the line between comedy and emotional sincerity. Their film catalog has increasingly skewed more family-friendly as time has gone on, and they certainly have leaned more toward comedy instead of Gonzo quietly singing about dreams on the side of the road. I haven’t watched either reboot television show yet, and I need a break from Muppet content for a while, so I’ll hold off on my opinions there. But, I love The Muppets, and I hope Disney continues to honor Jim Henson’s legacy with their work.

And with that, I’ll leave you with Kermit and Dolly Parton singing “Everyday People” on The Dolly Show, because I so badly wanted to include this somewhere and didn’t have the opportunity.

#unwarranted opinion #100 best musical movies of all time rotten tomatoes

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langwrites · 5 years

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Lang Plays Fire Emblem: Three Houses

So a while ago I said I was planning on playing the story routes in this order: Blue Lions, Black Eagles, Church of Seiros, and then Golden Deer.

The Golden Deer made a liar out of me.

So, here’s an approximation of What Happened During Verdant Wind.

So many spoilers below the cut, you guys. I do a lot of route comparisons.

Okay, I’ve been staring at the “which house do you want” selection screen for an embarrassing amount of time.

This shouldn’t be hard. I had a plan.

But no.

I clicked the Golden Deer, just like that. What the fuck, Claude. I blame you.

Immediately upon talking to this rop of students again, I can feel the difference in the social group from what the Lions were like. The latter were really a bunch of noble kids around their prince, and they felt really tight-knit. Classic Fire Emblem starter crew.

The Golden Deer is the fucking Scooby Gang.

First impressions of individuals:

Raphael, thank goodness, is the one character who absolutely has his shit in order. Sure, he’s bad at book work and thinks everything comes down to MUSCLES, but all of his emotional issues are handled by the time he arrives at Garreg Mach. He’s the brightest of sunshines.

Ignatz needs some more confidence in his art, and also I want to see his painting of Seiros. Now, if only both of his offensive stats and growths weren’t incredibly bad.

I was so close to making him my dancer. Just because he sure as hell wasn’t gonna be useful anywhere else.

Lorenz! I don’t like him. His haircut is a monstrosity.

Leonie! We are going. To be. Besties. Even though the timing of your support conversations are incredibly bad.

Marianne no please don’t be sad everyone loves you

Hilda is the greatest enabler I have ever seen. By which I mean she enables other people to do all her work for her.

Lysithea is going to have the last word with God. And especially he Death Knight.

And finally Claude! Teamwork makes the dream work, so obviously meme work does the same.

I’m sorry.

PRE-TIMESKIP

Mock battle! Marianne’s great and I love her and also the only healer oh god.

OKAY. I have access to New Game+ bonuses. What do I do first?

Immediately crank the Professor Level stat to max to avoid ever having to run short of activity points again.

Next, raise all skills I can’t easily get to at least Rank D+. HEAVY ARMOR IN PARTICULAR.

Third: Boost supports with people whose support ranks are an absolute pain in the ass to earn. Lookin’ at you, Rhea.

Also, put glasses on Byleth (named “Yuri” for this playthrough). Glasses are the bomb. I am the evil genius.

LEVEL GRINDING TIME.

It’s a lot harder with Blacksmith access being story-locked, but I can do this!

As a direct result, every single battle after this point is a complete curbstomp in my favor. Because the grind don’t stop.

I broke a lot more weapons than last time, though.

I will befriend Leonie and Ferdinand if it’s the last fucking thing I do. I will befriend everyone, and I will not get timeskip-locked out of supports! >:(

Ferdinand was my first recruit. Oh dear.

Okay, there are like five born cavaliers in this game. Leonie, Ferdinand, Lorenz, Sylvain, and I guess Dimitri if you’re on the right route.

Last time, Sylvain was a great paladin and a decent Dark Knight before he started getting one- or two-stat level ups for like thirty levels. Similarly, Dimitri was great until all his ultra-secret-awesome promotions didn’t use a fucking horse.

Contrast Leonie who, despite sitting out 99% of the game out of spite from me getting locked out of her support chain, went to endgame with a ten-level deficit and still rocked.

Ferdinand didn’t count since I failed to recruit him last time and he died. These two facts are directly related.

I didn’t use Lorenz at all; I recruited him to keep from having to kill him later.

This time, Lorenz straight-up sucks, Sylvain did the terrible level dance for like the entire game, and Dimitri’s not recruitable.

Contrast, again, Leonie. Her support chain with the player character is hot garbage, but she plowed through most of the game as a mainstay of my team and made it to Bow Knight first out of anyone.

Bernadetta and Ashe as Bow Knights don’t even come close to being as durable as she is, except for Ashe’s absolutely bananas Resistance. 29?! WHY?!

And Ferdinand is also awesome. His only real weak point is Resistance, but he doesn’t need it. He dodge-tanks everything, is faster than Leonie, and has two Saints’ relics he unknowingly stole from Seteth.

He still talks in MLA format, though.

I started putting off recruiting people so I wouldn’t have to level-grind them up to par with the rest of my team.

But if these people wanna join, of course I’m saying yes.

Lord Lonato’s rebellion and Miklan yoinking the Lance of Ruin feel way less relevant on a Golden Deer playthrough than on a Blue Lions one. None of the Herd really know who the hell these people are.

I say that despite having already recruited Sylvain for this playthrough and deploying him in the relevant level. He wasn’t treated as there by the game’s preamble cutscenes.

At least the Holy Mausoleum stuff feels more...handled? Claude actually asks questions about rebellion and about the “assassination plot,” where Dimitri didn’t really.

OKAY SO there’s this whole plot thing where Flayn goes missing for a month. With the Blue Lions, this is handled like a manhunt. Dimitri’s seriousness about the issue rubs off on everyone except Sylvain, and Felix actually correctly identifies the culprit almost instantly. He doesn’t know he’s done it, though, because basically everyone is just throwing out accusations. Manuela is the real MVP.

CONTRAST THE DEER. The very first meeting reads like a Scooby Doo episode, when they’re piling up clues and throwing out suggestions like the gang of goofball teenagers they are. Claude’s got this group running like Persona 4′s Investigation Team. None of them are jaded or frantic, they’re just doing this.

Why did Rhea entrust the investigation to a herd of teenagers.

Anyway, the rest proceeds as usual.

I don’t know why the game tries to drop the same set of hints for each route. “OoooowoooooOOOOoooo, your house leader might be the FLAME EMPEROR.”

The Flame Emperor wears heels. And is still too short to be either Claude or Dimitri. Especially Dimitri. Who the fuck let this kid get so tall.

The only real result of all this bullshit is that my wyvern-riding sniper of doom is not available during the first map where Yuri personally beat the Death Knight into the ground.

Which, by the by, was hilariously cathartic.

It doesn’t exactly matter, since the only unit who can make real use of the Dark Mage and Dark Bishop classes is unrecruitable, but bragging rights.

Remire Village’s drama is about as bad while playing as the Golden Deer. One of the foreshadowing cutscenes, though is excellent:

Claude actually finds a book that depicts The Immaculate One before its debut, only to have it confiscated by Seteth and learn that it wasn’t a library book at all; it belonged to “Tomas.” Like, all of his suspicions--which he shares with the player--start lining up. Censorship! Monsters! Sword of the Creator! What the hell is going on here??

Dimitri’s version of the cutscene involves him being caught investigating Lord Arundel by the player and Sothis. Which--since his route doesn’t meaningfully deal with the Morlocks faction aside from steamrolling them as incidental opponents--seems kinda useless.

Kicked the Death Knight into submission again out of spite.

Sylvain was useful! Mostly because I had him sit there and distract the incidentals while Claude and Lysithea cleaned house, but still!

Claude is the only lord character who seems to understand that the transforming Morlock faction probably needs to be taken more seriously. For the remainder of Part One, no one does so.

Rhea you’ve got some ‘splainin to do.

Marianne’s my team’s dancer this time. She’s a sweetheart. She seemed happy to be asked and to pursue the lessons, and being able to use Physic is a good trait in someone who’s nearly always going to be waaaaay behind the rest of the group.

Dad-stabbing happened.

Again.

Boop boop Solon’s dead.

Again.

Dear diary: I learned the definition of irony and set the Flame Emperor on fire.

I kid.

But Claude took her out in one completely overpowered shot, because crits are a thing, Flame Emperor class skills don’t reduce damage enough to survive it, and his Dex stat is through the fucking roof. And he was on a wyvern at the time because fuck it, why not.

Claude’s reaction to all of this is a minor letdown compared to the fully-rendered cutscene in the last route.

This would become something of a trend--taking out OP bosses with unexpected critical hits.

I didn’t expect to like Lorenz and now I do. How.

This is hilarious simply because he seems to be the only character that Mercedes hates. What the fuck, man.

Once again, Edelgard invades! Once again, I drop someone unexpected on her head!

Not really. It was Yuri.

Yuri does the timeskip shuffle and we’ll see everyone again after a nap.

FIVE YEARS LATER.

Aw, Claude was waiting for Yuri to show up. Adorable.

The post-meetup fight is actually harder than it was in the BL route, despite excessive level-grinding. This is due to three factors:

Claude is automatically on a wyvern, meaning that he has inherent class vulnerability to archers on a map with at least five of them. And less range than they did, for some fucking reason.

Lorenz and Ignatz started out on the same corner of the map and both of them are shitty offensive units who could barely kill a mage between them. (Neither of Ignatz’s offensive stats cracked 20 for another thirteen levels.)

I don’t have Ashe and his personal skill Locktouch, and nobody started with a Chest Key or Door Key, which meant I had to keep various enemies alive long enough to steal all of their stuff. And the enemy item drops came up one short of the number of chests on the map. I want my stuff, dammit.

LET’S MAKE A SCENE.

Randolph, as a boss in Verdant Wind, did not get any better at figuring out when he’s outmatched. Therefore, I killed him with Raphael again.

At least he straight-up died this time.

Claude didn’t even get to set the damn place on fire.

Ingrid is turning out to be way better of a unit this time than she was last time. She’s a little slower, but a lot stronger.

FELIX, WHERE THE FUCK WAS ALL THIS STRENGTH HIDING LAST TIME. YOU’RE TEN POINTS AHEAD OF THE GUY WHO HAS STORY-BASED SUPER STRENGTH.

AND SPEED.

Iiiiiiiiit’s JUDITH!

She only shows up on one map in the entire Azure Moon route, and that’s a damn shame. She’s so cool in Verdant Wind.

A lord-class character who isn’t also a Lord! WOO!

Also her spies are better than anybody’s apparently.

I am choosing to believe that because Ingrid’s family is related to Judith’s, her badassery in this route is the direct result of meeting her distant cousin and absorbing badass radiation.

There’s something funny about having to pull one over on Lorenz’s dad to get anything done. The Great Bridge falls not to power, but Claude baiting Count Gloucester’s entire army to be somewhere else. (FEAR THE DEER.)

As a result, Ladislava dies alone. (As opposed to taking Ferdinand with her due to plot shenanigans.)

Lysithea and Ferdinand’s paralogue was really quite sad, for all that the only named guy who died was deeply unsympathetic. Ferdinand’s dad was an asshole, but he wasn’t the asshole for this particular scenario, and now both of his parents are gone. :(

Felix...hasn’t heard from his dad in a while. Worrying.

Oh, and Caspar’s uncle is still dead, in case we were keeping track of that.

Dorothea’s happier with Ferdinand alive. She did an impression of the Gatekeeper. :3

Gronder Field! FUCK.

I delayed playing this chapter for two solid days because I already knew what was gonna happen. Specifically: Edelgard gets injured and evacuated, and Dimitri drops of exhaustion just in time to get run through like ten times by the Emperor’s rearguard.

I eventually got my shit together enough to do the thing.

Marianne, Raphael, and Ferdinand went after the Kingdom army first. Leonie and Felix hung back and then reinforced them after taking out the archer on the central hill.

Claude killed everyone in the center of the map, which meant Edelgard set the entire hill on fire and if Bernadetta had not been recruited she would’ve burned to death there on the spot.

Ahem.

I sent Yuri to clear the entire left side of the map by herself.

She succeeded.

Raphael KO’d Dimitri with a luck Gauntlet crit, got blasted down to half health by a Warlock, then plunked ineffectually at Dedue until Marianne used her Levin Sword to sort him out.

Ferdinand killed everyone else on that side of the map.

Claude once again got the kill on Edelgard with a lucky crit, after Yuri had killed everyone else (up to and including the Demonic Beasts) single-handedly.

And then the plot moved on. Hilda’s account of Dimitri’s death was awful, Dedue’s reaction was worse, and off we go to punch Edelgard’s teeth in.

Again.

Annette’s dad is probably dead now.

Felix’s, too.

(I THOUGHT WE WERE DONE WITH THE DAD-STABBING.)

FOOOOOORT MERCEUS.

No matter how many times I think about it, Claude’s Almyran army reinforcements only make so much sense. How the hell and fuck did he manage to sneak an entire foreign army across a whole country to help with one battle?

But hey, they’re here, and Claude almost admitted the reason why he could do that. And the arrow greeting between him and Nader was cool.

(Spoiler: On top of being the Alliance’s leader, he’s also the crown prince of Almyra!)

The Death Knight had the gall to run from my army.

Yuri punched his ticket for the third time, which was not the charm.

And then Fort Merceus took an intercontinental ballistic missile and suddenly defeating the fort’s garrison feels a lot less triumphant.

Spot the miscolored eyes in this cutscene!

Welp. Fuck it, we’re off to Enbarr. Time to also punch Hubert this time! What a change of pace.

Eyyy, it’s the Enbarr map. I totally forgot to bring Seteth and Flayn along to check out the opera house, despite a whole bunch of characters talking about how they totally wanted to check that place out at some point. No room for deadweights in a map that has SO MANY ARCHERS.

Managed to get the special dialogue between Ferdinand and Hubert, and now I’m sad again.

Killed Hubert with Claude.

And because this is a two-part map, we immediately run off to chase down Edelgard. Due to the player army not doing a really weird 180 in the middle of the plot to kick Cornelia out of Fhirdiad, she didn’t have time to turn into a giant demonic thing! She just has WAY TOO MANY MAGES.

Strategy: Forget what Door Keys are, split the team by Avoid rating, and go to town.

Claude nearly died thanks to a critical mass of Gremories and Mortal Savants (and still, what the fuck is that name), but Dedue-as-guest-character didn’t, so I count that as a win! His defense was so high that the Giant Demonic Beast couldn’t even scratch him.

Claude, Petra, and Ingrid all having Alert Stance as a skill means dodge-tanking is hilariously easy.

Also, Ingrid was supposed to just take a chunk out of Edelgard’s HP bar for the final assault and ended up crit-killing her on the first attack. With a bog-standard silver lance.

Weird as the situation turned out, I guess that means one of Dimitri’s friends really did avenge him after saying they would. Even if Dedue was the only one who had a special cutscene about it.

We rescued Rhea! And the characters being happy about it doesn’t mean I’m happy about it. I want answers, same as Claude, and being forced to RP Yuri being oh so worried about Rhea’s safety felt incredibly disingenuous.

Claude actually yells at her over the “...” she seems to think is an explanation. THE TIME FOR SECRETS IS PAST.

WHY DID ALL THIS SHIT HAPPEN.

WE’VE BEEN AT WAR FOR FIVE YEARS.

A WHOLE BUNCH OF PEOPLE DIED HORRIBLY FOR BASICALLY NOTHING.

Incidentally, this is why I didn’t end up playing Edelgard’s route as planned. Her logic for kicking two other sovereign countries in the balls felt incredibly self-centered.

At least Catherine’s happy. Same with Alois and the rest of the Church crew.

They are soon going to be not as happy.

I’m filling out the ENTIRE support log before endgame. I have absolutely no idea what characters are going to end up together as a direct result.

The last conversation? Seteth and Manuela’s A+ support!

Because so many of the support conversations are romantic at A/A+ level, I guess we’ve managed to turn this ragtag army into a polyarmory.

Oh boy, Thales sure is a sore loser.

I say, as though I didn’t kill EVERYONE he knew over the course of an hour and also split his skull open under Seteth’s axe. His racism would have keeled his ass over before death set in.

That sure is a ICBM.

GOD DAMMIT RHEA, THERE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A Q&A SESSION AFTER THIS.

WHY DOES EVERYONE WHOSE JOB IS EXPOSITION UP AND DIE.

Meanwhile: THE UBER-DEAD PEOPLE.

Claude, your route is batshit. What is this genre anymore?!

I wanna point out that, despite seeing Rhea/Seiros do the dragon thing, the player character never told Claude what the fuck that was about. I feel like one of the first things I would have done after the class reunion would be going, “By the by, did anyone else notice the fucking dragon?!” WHO IS ALSO THE POPE???

Bah.

ANYWAY. Looooong-overdue exposition time!

I notice that Rhea didn’t out Seteth or Flayn, which was nice of her.

Claude, she can turn into a fucking dragon. I don’t think immortality is that far from being plausible.

GOD DAMMIT NEMESIS, CAN YOU FUCK OFF FOR TEN MORE MINUTES.

Uuuuuuugh fine, fuck everything, I’m putting your head on a pike.

CLAUDE, THE SWORD OF THE CREATOR LOOKS LIKE A SPINE.

OF COURSE IT’S MADE OF BONES. A BUNCH OF THE HEROES’ RELICS MOVE ON THEIR OWN!

The frantic music is not helping.

Time to kill a bandit king.

“My flabber is completely gasted by now.” Okay, that made me laugh.

Nemesis’s boss mechanic is pretty neat. To kill him at all, you need to kill all of the minibosses in the level and take down his friendship-based-plot-armor.

Or it would be, if I didn’t already make a habit of steamrolling everyone else on the field before tackling the boss at the end.

CUTSCENE.

Cutscene lesson: “Fuck honor duels.” It’s time for CHAIN SWORD LIMBO.

Claude, your bow shoots LASERS. SINCE WHEN.

Also getting kicked across the field by a dude twice his size didn’t seem to actually affect his mood much.

Awww, Yuri smiles now. Adorable. :D

AND THAT’S A WRAP.

Pairings: Yuri/Sothis (mostly to get them out of the way and see what everyone else would do), Claude/Petra, Raphael/Marianne, Catherine/Shamir, Lorenz/Mercedes, Ashe/Annette, Felix/Sylvain (bad end; the former straight up disappears), Seteth & Flayn wander off, Manuela/Dorothea, Lysithea/Linhardt (again), Leonie/Ignatz, Ferdinand/Bernadetta, Caspar/Hilda, and a couple of people are alone. Cyril gets to actually be a student after the story’s done, though!

Whew, that was fun. Gonna mix up the pairs a bit next time I play through the endgame and see what happens.

#fire emblem three houses #Lang plays Fire Emblem: Three Houses #Lang Plays #spoilers #long post #fire emblem

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lamptracker · 6 years

Text

FIC: Win-Win (part 3/?)

So since Tumblr is being, just, an ass lately: I hope this works.

Anyway.

FIC: Win-Win (Part 2/?)

Overall Summary: Temporarily homeless, the reader needs a place to stay. Her friend Tom, who has a reputation for being a womanizer, has an extra room… and an idea.

Very loosely based on the How I Met Your Mother episode “World’s Greatest Couple,” where Lily posed as Barney’s wife to help him get rid of his one-night stands.

Part summary: If plot summaries were Friends episodes, this would be The One Where the Reader Brings Home a Date.

Also, if plot summaries were quotes from Friends: “I think this is the episode of Three’s Company where there’s some sort of misunderstanding.”

But: Reader brings home a date, wackiness and a new feeling ensue.

Warnings: Some cursing and some conspiracy theories (it’s important)

Tagged: @stephie-senpai @lemirabitur @gravity-jade21 @ocaptainmycaptainrogers @hollandfieldblurbs @unicorn-princess-1999 @peter-holland-parker1996 @writings-and-stuff @almostrosadiazz @vendylewin

Part 1

Part 2

“So what do you do?”

(y/n) was at a moderately-priced restaurant, seated across from a guy she’d met on Tinder. She and Tony had been broken up for a few months, so she figured it was time to get back into the game.

She matched with Eric and decided to give it a shot. Unfortunately, four minutes into the date she’d decided a shot in the face would have better. He was cute, but that was just about where his good qualities began and ended.

“I’m a teacher,” she replied. “I teach English at Provost High.”

Eric nodded. “You know, a lot of people say teachers are underpaid.”

(y/n) smiled, and was about to agree with him. But, unfortunately, he opened his mouth and words continued to come out of it.

“I don’t buy it, though. I mean, they only work till 3 every day, they get summers off. I’d kill for those cushy hours.”

(y/n) rolled her eyes. “Well, I mean, there’s the before and after school stuff, and if you run an extracurricular you’re not exactly getting paid for that. And we have to buy our own supplies. I barely make enough for all that and rent, I mean-”

“Well, I’m an investment banker,” Eric said, cutting her off. “My dad got me the job. I barely have to do anything and I still get paid.”

“Huh.”

(Y/n) didn’t really care to relive their dinner conversation, but when Zendaya asked her about it later she did share some “highlights”:

“I don’t believe in vaccinating,” Eric said as he pulled the onions off of his hamburger and deposited them onto the table.

“You… okay, I am genuinely curious.”

Eric shrugged. “There are just so many nasty side effects, like autism and all that. Plus all the things we’re vaccinating against have pretty much been eliminated, right?”

“First of all,” (y/n) said indignantly, “they debunked that study, vaccines don’t cause autism. Second of all, you’re saying you’d rather your kid have a terrible, potentially fatal disease? And then, do you know why those diseases have been eradicated? Because of vaccines! Next you’ll be telling me the Earth is flat.”

“So you know about the ice wall that prevents us from falling off the edge!” Eric exclaimed; (y/n) rolled her eyes so hard that this time she was sure it was audible.

(some time later)

“Uh…” (y/n) said. “Do you, you know, want a plate for those onions? Or maybe you could ask them to bring you a burger without them?”

“Nah.” Eric pulled off another onion and added it to his pile. “That’s why there are waiters and busboys. They get paid to clean this up, they love it.”

(y/n) did not even attempt to hide her disdain. “Uh, yeah. I waited tables in college and I can assure you… we did not love it.”

“Well, then, your manager didn’t train you right.”

(This set off a ten-minute tirade about how “tipping culture is a myth” and “I just know they get paid more than people say they do, they’re just trying to bilk us out of more money” and some things that she honestly stopped listening to after awhile. She did slide their poor waiter a generous tip at the end of the night, though.)

Their dinner concluded with Eric saying something so romantic, (y/n) was sure he had a latent career as a poet:

“So are we gonna fuck or what?”

(Y/n) shrugged. “Who knows when I’m getting laid again. So… sure, why not?”

“We have to go to your place though, my roommate has...”

(To this day she cannot remember what his roommate had because at that point, she’d started reciting the opening to Burn Notice in her head.)

“Uh… yeah, okay. My roommate won’t be home for a few hours, I’m sure he won’t mind.”

“Oh, he? What is he, gay or something? I have a gay cousin, he...”

(My name is Michael Westen. I used to be a spy, until…)

“No, he’s a friend. And it’s temporary until my apartment is ready for me to move back into, there’s-”

“Whatever, let’s just go.”

(y/n) woke up the next morning feeling particularly awful about herself. She’d just had mediocre sex with a person she barely tolerated. She also, for no good reason, had a headache.

Now I know how Tom feels, she thought to herself. I gotta get this guy out of here before he destroys what’s left of my dignity.

“Eric?” she asked quietly. But he didn’t move, and was still snoring.

“Eric.” She shoved his shoulder; he awoke with a snort.

“What?”

“I have to go to work soon.”

Eric waved a hand dismissively at her, settling back into the pillows (she made a mental note to burn the pillows later). “Well, have a good day, I’ll lock up when I leave.”

(y/n) threw her head back in defeat. “I’m going to make some coffee. Feel free to leave before you get any.”

Eric just waved at her again as she rolled her eyes and stumbled into the kitchen. She measured out the grounds, put them into the coffee filter, and was just starting to fill the carafe with water when she heard the all-too-familiar screech.

“Oh, my God! Tom! Is this your wife?!”

“Y-yeah,” Tom replied, fake-sheepishly.

“I cannot believe this, you’re married?!”

“Whoa, wait, (y/n). You’re married?”

(Y/n)’s eyes widened.

She had nearly forgotten Eric was still here. And that she hadn’t told him about this “arrangement.” (Well, she started to, but Eric seemed to have an issue with people finishing their sentences.)

“I...well… yes? But no. But yes. Well, actually, it’s sort of a funny story. You see, Tom here needed…”

Eric raised a hand, interrupting (y/n)’s stammering. “Save it. I don’t want to know. I had a nice time, up until right now. I’ll go get my stuff, don’t bother calling.” He raised an eyebrow at Tom’s date. “So… wanna go get some breakfast?”

“Sure,” the girl giggled as she too went to gather up her things; they left soon after.

“Make sure his breakfast doesn’t have onions!” (y/n) called as the door closed; she and Tom stared at each other in semi-awkward silence for a few moments.

“That,” (y/n) said as she pointed at the door, “was my first date since Tony and I broke up.”

Tom suddenly looked embarrassed. “Oh, no. I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to ruin it, I…”

(y/n) shook her head. “Nah. It’s all good, I was trying to find a way to drive him out anyway. He was cute and all but he’s an anti-vaxxer and a Flat Earther who thinks teachers get paid too much.”

“Wow, he sounds like a real peach,” Tom said dryly.

“Remind me to tell you about his 9/11 conspiracy theory someday, but we have to save it for when you really need a good laugh.” (y/n) chuckled. “Oh, and the sex was just terrible. He came in, like, two minutes. And do you know what he said to me, Tom? Do you know what he said to me?”

“If it wasn’t ‘let me help you get off,’ I’m tracking him down and running him over with a steamroller.”

“I hope you have a steamroller available, then.” (y/n) sighed. “He said, ‘Oh, uhh, maybe next time.’ Maybe next time, Tom. Then he rolled over and went to sleep.”

Tom snorted. “Pretty bold of him to assume there’d be a next time after that.”

“Well, there won’t be now. But… you know what? It’s okay. Maybe… nah.”

“What?”

“Nothing.”

Tom smiled. “C’mon, you’re my wife, you can tell me anything.”

(y/n) chortled. “Maybe I jumped back into the pool too soon, you know? Maybe I just… maybe I need to focus on myself right now. Forget about dating for awhile. There’s a student at school that wants to start a club that focuses on women’s issues - you know, bringing awareness, fundraising, all that? They’re looking for an advisor, I could do that.”

“I think,” Tom said, “that focusing on yourself is a wonderful idea. I also think that you need a hug.”

“I don’t know if we’re at that stage in our relationship yet.”

Tom snorted again. “Would you just come here?”

(y/n) laughed as Tom folded her into his arms. She sighed deeply as she rested her head on Tom’s bare chest.

This feels… nice, she thought to herself. His arms were warm and strong, she felt safe and cared for in them.

She’d felt that way once before, with Tony. At least, at first.

(y/n) shook her head slightly.

What are you doing? She thought. You cannot. This is not happening. You’re just vulnerable right now.

You are not falling in love with Tom Holland.

You CANNOT fall in love with Tom Holland.

You WILL NOT fall in love with Tom Holland.

But what she didn’t know was, Tom was having a similar internal conflict.

#tom holland #tom holland fanfiction #tom holland imagine #win-win

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wayfaringtrainers · 5 years

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Zichi played Pokémon Sword

And he is still royally pissed off!

When the drama and controversy came out regarding Pokémon Sword/Shield, I was more and more put off by it until I decided that no, I was gonna wait until I could get a second-hand copy for it...

And then people began talking about how much they loved it and how much fun they were having with it... No second-hand copies were appearing yet, so I caved to peer pressure like the little bitch I am and bought a copy.

I regret that so much. I don’t like this game, I very much loathe it.

I was planning on doing this semi-review ever since I started the game, so obviously there will be “plot” spoilers ahead for you guys. But anyway, here goes.

Let’s start with the very few things I like about this game, start on a positive note, at the very least.

Technical Records

I actually liked this concept. In the UK, we’re currently going through the “Vinyl Nostalgia Phase” as my dad calls it. The callback of ancient TMs being turned into TRs was pretty cool, and I am very glad that they made TRs infinitely collectable through Raids. My biggest grievances with old-school TMs was the limited supply you got: usually the best TMs you only ever got once, so only one Pokémon could ever learn some of the most useful and game-defining moves available. This makes a lot more moves available...

However it would be nice if I didn’t have to open Serebii every time I was looking for a specific TR, and then pray that specific pokemon from that specific den appears. If they weren’t so dependant on luck, they’d be a lot better.

(Most) New Pokemon

Wooloo for life.

But seriously, I absolutely love a lot of the designs for new Pokémon, which is rare for me, I’m usually critical and uncertain about new Pokémon. But these new Pokémon I actually really like. Corviknight is as cool as I thought, Coalossal is awesome, and although I was ambivalent about him at first, Sirfetch’d has really grown on me.

Buuuuut we’re just gonna skip over the fossil Pokémon. Because I dislike them for a variety of reasons.

However, I reckon that that’s it for things I like about the new games, so now we’re just going to get into the meat of the problems and the things that just piss me off.

Cut Content.

I don’t really have to explain any further, let’s be honest. It’s not just Dexit, it’s the cut moves that piss me off, along with the axe to Mega Evolution and Z-Crystals. I don’t really need to say much else, do I?

Raids and Gigantamax

At first, I kinda enjoyed my time with raids, I spent a load of time raiding with @pinekaboo and enjoying the feeling of teaming up to take down a titanic Pokémon... But after the first few days it just felt like a chore. If I wanted a particular TR, a particular Pokémon, a particular this that or other, then I would be spending hours looking up information on Serebii, trying to narrow down where to find it and then either getting the wrong Pokémon or having to spend time grinding Watts for Wish Stones or fighting in other dens to reset all the active dens. So much effort just for the god damn body slam TR.

Gigantamax meanwhile, is just... The most frustratingly pointless thing possible. Not only is it locked to post-game with some limited-time exceptions, it’s apparently banned in competitive tournaments?

Why even fucking bother with it then? I spent hours trying to find a G-Max Kingler, only to learn it’s Post-Game only. And then I spent hours trying to find/catch a GMax Butterfree, only to learn a normal Butterfree is technically better. It’s pathetic.

Apparently I’m not allowed to be angry about Gigantamax bc I’m wrong, like always.

Team Yell

Sorry guys, but Team Yell is just a poor man’s Team Skull, but even less threatening.

“Oh you like this? It’s Post-Game”

This is the second biggest Pet Peeve of mine regarding the game. I spent hours looking for a Ralts before learning that all those “15% chance spawn rates” are in foggy weather, which comes in the post-game, leaving me stuck with a 2% chance. Those “Nature Candies” are locked until post-game and apparently need an obnoxious amount of BP to unlock.

What’s particularly gregarious is the fact there’s a BP trader in that town where the dragon gym leader is met pretty early on... And you can’t get any BP until end-game.

Shut the fuck up about Leon.

I don’t care about Leon. He himself is not that annoying, but every time I hear “oh Leon’s so amazing” I wanna punch something. I’m pretty sure it’s intended to make the player feel awesome for taking him down, but it just feels like pointless pandering. Like we get it, Leon’s great. Shut the fuck up about how awesome he and his fucking Charizard is.

Charizard

Yup. Charizard gets its own spot here.

The Pokémon Company has sucked Charizard’s dick enough, I say. It got 2 Mega Evolutions and a Gigantamax, and it’s the champion’s star Pokémon, and it’s hyped up to be the best thing ever.

It was only vaguely challenging to me because I decided sweeping it with Steam Engine Coalossal would be boring. So I took it down with my Gallade.

Yes, Gallade has a type disadvantage. I didn’t really care.

Empty Team slots

The only person in this entire game to have a full team has been Leon. Every gym fight I found myself depositing Pokémon just to have a fair fight.

Plot and Pacing (or lack of it).

You’ve seen me rant about this before, but I’m going to rant about it some more.

So I really don’t like over-levelling in any level-based game, because then the game feels trivial and unchallenging. But Pokémon Sword’s level curve makes no fucking sense. Sometimes I’d be training 10 Pokémon and still be over-levelled, then I’d go back to a normal team of 6 and find myself nearly getting steamrolled by Pokémon 5 levels higher than me. Towards the end of the game I found myself wondering whether I was the “right level” or not. I’d have to choose my team, save, go up against a gym leader and then reset to use XP candies on my pokemon after deliberately under-levelling them.

And then suddenly Leon’s lowest level is 62 after the previous trainer’s highest was 57. There wasn’t that much inbetween, game devs.

And I’ve just ranted about the pacing guys. I haven’t even begun with the plot.

To be perfectly honest? The whole “plot” with Rose? The game would be 100 times better if they just cut out Rose and Marco Cosmos. If Team Yell is a poor man’s Skull, then Marco Cosmos is a poorer man’s Aether Foundation.

So many times we get hints and implication that there is something going on behind the scenes, but every time we get to do nothing. We just get to hear about how great-and-mighty Leon will handle everything, so why don’t you just worry about your gym challenge?

The game spends so long focusing on the gym challenge, that I think the game would be better if it focused exclusively on that. At least then perhaps we’d have one full story instead of two half-assed stories.

Or hell, maybe if the Marco Cosmos story was exclusively post-game, that would be preferable. But as it stands, it’s just two or three vague cutscenes that something’s going on and then suddenly chucking a load of plot at the last fucking minute.

I have no interest in Rose’s energy crisis woes. I have no investment in his discussions about the future and the energy crisis we may face. None of that is interesting to me because I have had no time to get invested. The closest to investment I can possibly get is learning what is happening.

Hell, for all my love for Gen 6 and how it re-invigorated my love for Pokémon, I consider Team Flare one of the weaker villains in terms of story... and yet I was 100% more interested in them then in whatever Rose is doing and his reasons for doing it.

In conclusion, Pokémon Sword has -at its best- felt like a rushed, hashed hobjob of a game. It feels like the devs were short in staff and pressed for time, and forced to cut a lot of content in a desperate bid to make it in time for the Pokémon Company’s grand franchise plan and/or the Christmas market. They’re trying to rely heavily on the market opened by the Pokémon Go community (anyone noticed how Dynamax Dens have a feel similar to raid battles in Pokémon Go?) rather than delivering a game they can be proud in.

Inevitably, Pokemon Sharp Sword and Sturdy Shield will arrive on the markets -because these days we don’t get an Crystal/Emerald/Platinum- and I am legitimately considering skipping them over.

The “core games” are the backbone of the franchise. I doubt they will cause the franchise to die, but it would certainly be crippled if sales drop, but I don’t think I can continue with them anymore. My trust in the Pokémon Company is the lowest it’s ever been. I doubt the company’s choice in direction, I doubt the decisions they’ve made in business, industrial and commercial affairs. I do not believe they can provide me with the quality I’ve come to expect of them anymore and I don’t believe I can continue supporting them.

Honestly, this lack of faith in the franchise, it’s putting me in a strange place. I love this Pokémon RP blog I’ve built up, I love the muses I��ve created, the adventures I’ve written and the friends I’ve made through this blog and I’ve never really wanted them to end. But for the first time since nearly the start of the decade, when I first decided to try out this blog under the name pokemontrainerzefri, I’ve begun to wonder if it won’t be my depression and insecurities that kill it, but a loss of interest...

#Pay no mind to the man behind the trainer #Zichi plays pokemon #pokemon swsh spoilers

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nellie-elizabeth · 7 years

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Suits: Mudmare (7x03)

Last season, I complained quite a bit about the fact that Harvey was bending over backwards, and Mike was looking like a selfish little git. This season, I'm forced to think that perhaps Harvey's the asshole after all. I'm having some really strange mixed emotions about this episode, to be completely honest. Let's take a look.

Cons:

Harvey treats everybody like shit in this episode. Donna, Louis, Mike... seriously. He actually does. The thing that bothers me isn't the decisions he's making, but the way he's delivering them. Basically, Alex has a big client that has a conflict with Mike's pro bono, meaning Mike has to drop his client. Mike is really unhappy about it, but Harvey forces him to drop it anyway. Louis and Donna both tell Harvey they think this is a mistake, because it sends the messages that Alex's clients can steamroll over existing PSL clients. Harvey doesn't listen. Mike, doing as he's told, gives his pro bono case to the clinic, trusting that Oliver will take care of it. Harvey yells at Mike again because of Mike's association with the clinic, and tells Mike to put it in writing that he won't be involved with the case. In the end, Mike and Alex have a conversation, and it turns out both of them felt pressured in this situation, and Alex really didn't like having to mess with Mike because of his client. What does this all shake out to? Harvey was the only one who was a dick in this whole scenario!

Harvey tells Mike to drop his client, which he knew would make Mike angry. But instead of trying to work things out, he steamrolls over Mike, ignores advice from his fellow name partner Louis and his new COO Donna, and then yells at Mike some more for good measure. He comes across like a total dick. He could have explained himself better. He could have let people talk it out. He could have, I don't know, suggested doing a conflict waiver letter? Which is, you know, a thing? And all of this would be fine? But no. He had to behave in the most caveman-ish way possible during the whole exchange.

And don't get me started on how he treats Louis. See, Louis seems to go through the typical pattern in this episode, but with one important difference: when he feels himself start to overreact, he actually talks to his therapist and comes up with a coping mechanism. Then, later, when he tries to tell Harvey he disagrees with his business decision, Harvey accuses Louis of pulling the same selfish bullshit he always pulls. Even though Louis was actually behaving perfectly reasonably and had every right to express concerns. And now, as a lovely bonus, Harvey's raging horribleness is just reinforcing all of Louis' worst fears about how Harvey thinks of him. Just great.

We see Harvey and Paula's relationship progress in this episode, and while I'm really enjoying Paula, I didn't like the way their development was framed within Harvey's larger story this week. Paula expresses some reservations about their relationship, given their past as a doctor and a patient. Harvey, after alienating all of his friends, goes over to Paula and basically tells her she's crazy for letting other people's opinions influence her. She stands up for herself, rightfully so, and Harvey does seem to soften. But in the end, seeing Harvey triumphantly kissing Paula didn't make me feel happy for him. It made me feel like the show wants me to congratulate him for "taking charge" this week, even though in my opinion he did a terrible job of it.

Pros:

As I alluded to before, Louis actually made some personal progress this week, that unfortunately might be undermined by Harvey's stupid reaction to it. But the fact that he actually tempered his reaction, realized he was probably jumping to conclusions, and kept his head, all shows that at the very least, Louis is aware of his problems. I also think it's so important to show Louis talking with his therapist. I feel like Louis' rage and insecurity issues were played for laughs in earlier seasons of the show, but now it seems like they are being taken seriously, which I appreciate.

Alex is a cool character. His arrival has shaken things up, but he's a solid guy. He does what he can to befriend Louis, forgiving him for Louis' behavior last week. He also doesn't let Mike's anger get to him, and very quickly upon meeting the two of them realize that they were both in an awkward boat, and they want to move forward as friends. Alex has also got the witty banter thing down, a legacy from the actor's time on The West Wing and Psych, I suppose. I particularly liked his exchange with Harvey: "you have cats?" "Why you gotta be like that?" "Why you gotta have cats?"

Speaking of witty banter, even though Harvey and Mike ended up a bit at odds in this episode, they had a few of their typical cute moments as well. Harvey goes to Mike to help with a contract, but when Mike says he's got a pro bono with a ticking clock, Harvey lets Mike go to it with a bit of a tease: "So it's my fault that you're dropping my case." "Yeah, I like to look at it that way" "Seriously, go get 'em." Harvey then goes to Alex to help finish up his contract dispute. I love this because it shows that when Harvey has his pick, he'll go to Mike. Alex is a friend, but Mike is number one.

Mike's case was actually pretty interesting, because it involved a kid who died while in prison. Mike vividly remembers the pain and fear of being in prison, and he wants justice for this poor soul's father. I would have liked a little bit more of a parallel, because of course Mike was in for some white collar crime, while the dead guy was in for minor possession. Mike needs to understand that his situation was still incredibly privileged. He had a whole team of desperate high-powered lawyers with money trying to get him out, while the father of the deceased can hardly get anybody to give him the time of day. Even so, I like seeing Mike fight hard for his pro bono cases. I also like seeing Mike give the case to Oliver. Understandably, Oliver still has a chip on his shoulder, but I think he'll start to see that Mike really does want to help. I'd like to see that develop.

Finally, we've got Donna and Rachel. This show always makes me a little leery in how often it drops Rachel and Donna in favor of focusing on the male characters. However, this week they had a career-focused, bechdel-test passing plot thread that I really enjoyed. Rachel is being treated poorly and ignored by one of the associates, and Donna steps in to try and defend Rachel and get this woman in line. However, Rachel doesn't appreciate Donna speaking for her, because she thinks it makes her look weak in front of her charges. After both women have some time to think about it, they come to talk and smooth things over. Donna apologizes for getting involved. She's new to her position and she felt really defensive of Rachel. She behaved wrongly, and she's sorry. Rachel accepts her apology, and admits that right now, she doesn't want to be supervising anybody. She just wants to focus on being an attorney. Donna takes over the associates, and fires the woman who was giving Rachel crap.

It's taken a few episodes for everybody to settle in to their new positions in the firm, but things are finally coming together. Donna being in charge of the associates makes perfect sense. She's not an attorney, and she's no longer a partner, but she is in a position of great authority. She's always been good at being the boss, and organizing other people's workflow. This is the perfect project for her. And Rachel has always been good in supportive and administrative capacities as well, but for her it's time for a step away from that. We need to see Rachel take on cases and be a bad-ass in her chosen field.

I also like the focus on this female friendship, and how they both react to having their voices stolen from them. Donna did not take kindly to Harvey speaking for her, and Rachel did not take kindly to Donna speaking for her. A man speaking over a woman, and a white woman speaking over a black woman? These are serious issues, and I think the insidious way people's voices can be stolen was demonstrated very well by this plot thread. I do hope that Harvey learns a lesson the way Donna did, but that remains to be seen.

In all, Harvey pissed me off a lot in this episode. His behavior here seems well beyond his typical no-nonsense-take-charge bravado. He was a dick to people he's supposed to care about. But everything else in the episode was pretty solid!

7.5/10

#review #suits #suits review #suits usa #suits usa review

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screechthemighty · 7 years

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justice in “rabbit in a snowstorm”

Told you this would be delayed. There will probably be a lot of assorted thoughts for this one, but fortunately I do have a central thought about how the case Matt works this episode ends up revealing a lot of his world view. Check out the ground rules if you haven’t already and let’s begin!

The Healey case starts with Matt, once again, jumping to the worst possible conclusion: that Wesley is up to something. Granted, Wesley is a snake in an Armani suit, but up until he calls out their hiring of Karen, he’s polite and calm. There’s nothing to suspect that he’s anything sketchy if you’re not Matt or an audience member. It could be that Matt automatically distrusts corporations—possibly a holdover from his days working at L&Z—and there is more canon proof to suggest that he’s inherently a bit distrustful of people with money (see 2.05 and the underlying thematic element of Elektra leading to Matt’s distaste for fancy things). But he seems to jump beyond even just “this guy is a skuzzy corporate dude” in his determination to figure out what Wesley’s game is. This could just be me reading into it because I know that there’s more to it than that; if that is the case, then that means it’s enough for Matt that Wesley is a skuzzy corporate dude doing something potentially even a little bit shady. For Matt, no crime is too big or too small. He’s going to stop it, no matter what. (This is also interesting in light of him asking Father Lantom if the fact that he can’t do anything about any crimes confessed to him “seems fair.” Matt is incapable of inaction if he knows something is wrong, and this is just another example of that urge in action.)

The next really noticeable detail about the case is the way Matt completely steamrollers over Foggy while trying to achieve his goals. This is something Matt does a lot with a lot of people, and I think there are two reasons for it. First, Matt is the kind of guy who gets hyperfocused on the desired outcome, to the point where he blinds himself to other obligations, other people’s input, and so on. It’s not a malice thing; he just doesn’t know how not to focus hardcore. I don’t think he even realizes he’s doing it until it’s pointed out to him. (Side note, but his lack of subtlety when he does it is hysterical to me. Like, Matt, you’re supposed to be asking this guy about the murder, not about Wesley. You’re just cluing them in to the fact that you know something is up.)

Second, I think that Matt has an instinctive need to push his wants and opinions as hard as he can—again, not out of malice, but due to the influence of one PARTICULAR PERSON that we’ll get to in a few episodes. The tl;dr of it is that Matt has, in the past, had his thoughts and worldview steamrollerd over so repeatedly and viciously that I think it trained him to be just as aggressive back, least he be washed away by outside forces. And again, I don’t think he realizes he’s doing it. His sense of conflict resolution has been that fucked.

Matt talks a lot about the confines of the law in this episode. The first time it comes up is when he’s talking to Healey, and talks about how they’ll work out the case “honestly and morally and within the confines of the law.” This time it comes up, you could read it as him justifying what he’s doing to himself. Healey is their best inroad to figuring out what’s up with Wesley, so he has to play ball if he wants answers. But even though he’s mostly chill about it, this is the guy who said he only wants to represent the innocent. Representing someone that is so obviously guilty is killing him inside. Saying this is probably his way of justifying what he’s doing to himself—of telling himself that he’s worth it. The fact that he’s so visibly frustrated when Healey says he wants the trial as soon as possible could tie into that. Doing it Healey’s way makes being “honest” and “moral” a lot harder, so the justification starts wearing thin. It also gives Matt less time to investigate, which is insult to injury in something like this.

There’s a lot going on in his closing arguments. Besides it just being a good speech (honestly, I could listen to him give closing arguments for a whole episode, like, I wouldn’t even care), he reveals a thing or two about his headspace. First, there’s the mention of morality being what ties us to humanity. Given that he’s definitely not lying when he says he’s been dwelling on questions of morality lately (between him sitting outside church and him having to face Claire’s “I don’t think you enjoy this” moment), I think this is one of the moments he’s been dwelling on: the place rules have in society, and what happens when you stop following them. What he might become if he keeps going down this path. That’s really an overarching plot of this season: how far do you go? When does it stop being justifiable? Sorry to say, Matt, but you’re going to be questioning this a lot.

There’s also the fact that he stresses that facts are the only thing that matter in the courtroom, not morality. Is this what he told himself to justify taking the case? That because he wasn’t arguing against the known facts, he was sticking to the sanctity of the law and therefore not doing anything wrong? Or is this something he’s known for a long time? I could easily see this realization as being part of the reason why he put the mask on. It certainly meshes with the flashbacks to his time as a legal intern and the lead up to his first act as Daredevil.

On a final, unrelated to the trial note, I think this is the episode where Matt starts to exhibit signs of The Sadness Beard. It’s a thing in the first season (not so much the second, which is a bummer) where Matt’s beard waxes and wanes in thickness depending on the current events and his mood. It can be hard to spot, since Matt almost always sports a five o’clock shadow (on a production level, probably so they can clean shave him for the flashback scenes), but it’s there. I think this is the episode where it starts appearing, and it’d make sense. The signs of his self-doubt start poking up here, in small but important ways (see the assorted thoughts section). It’s also possible that he’s been too tired to shave since he fairly recently fractured a few ribs and then went on to fight 7-8 Russians. I’ll be tracking his beard growth as I watch (which is a sentence I didn’t think I’d ever type).

Assorted Thoughts:

It’s interesting that Matt sits outside of Church but never goes in, and becomes skittish when confronted about why he’s hear. I think he’s starting to want help—especially since he was faced with the question of whether or not he enjoys hurting people—but also that Matt is the sort of person who needs to ask for help on his own terms. He can’t really be nudged or coaxed into it. This relates back to the thing I talked about RE: Matt kind of steamrolling back Foggy in his quest for Justice, and again, we’ll get to that when we get to Stick.

“I wasn’t paying attention, it’s my fault.” While Matt is definitely deflecting the truth as to how he got a black eye, this only feels like a half-lie. I wonder if he does this a lot—not actually specify what happened, but say that he was “careless”, which he probably thinks he was to end up that beat up.

Just World On Fire Things: Matt’s little head twitches during the meeting with Wesley. I think this is him trying to adjust his reading on Wesley, and I love it. Also, the detail with Wesley’s watch breaks my heart because it’s reductionist in a big way. Matt wouldn’t just know it’s Wesley by the sound of his watch—he’d know by his cologne, his shampoo, the fabric of his suit, a thousand details that the viewer can’t experience. Without narration, we can’t even really know that’s how Matt perceives the world. I know that the show writers can only do so much when they’re presenting the perspective of a blind man to a sighted audience, but it bugs me because it leads to the idea that Matt can “basically see”—AKA the worst criticism of Daredevil ever and I’ll fight anyone who says it in my presence. Matt Murdock is Fucking Blind 2kForever.

More World on Fire things: the moment when Matt hears the one juror’s racing heartbeat. I find that bit interesting because it raises the question of whether Matt’s senses are so fine-tuned that he can pick up the one racing heartbeat in the room without having to hear it, or whether he was already checking out their heartbeats before he noticed. I’m inclined to think the latter, mostly because it makes sense for Matt and the way he perceives the world. Think about it: if Matt could see, he’d probably be glancing their way to check the mood of the jury after Foggy’s opening statement. He can’t check their faces, but he can check their heartbeats. It’s how he tells what’s going on with anything. This is a bit of a call forward, but I feel like Foggy criticizing Matt for listening to heartbeats because it’s invasive is a unfair, because it’s the only way Matt knows what people are feeling or if they’re screwing him over. In his line of work, he has to know these things. (Zero judgment towards Foggy for reacting that way, there was a lot going on, but we’ll get to that when we get to Nelson v. Murdock.)

Matt’s comment about the check Wesley gives them is interesting to me. He states that maybe Foggy would care about how sketch the situation feels if he couldn’t see the zeroes on the check, and I have to ask how much of Matt’s perception of the world differs from yours or mine because he can’t see. He doesn’t have the visual cues that a lot of us use and judge people on. Granted, Matt has other cues that he uses and judges people on, but do they lead him to draw different conclusions than the rest of us about a person? Or the same conclusion, but for different reasons?

Also, Matt really DOES lead with his face. There is not a point in the conversation with Wesley that he looks anything but distrustful. It’s interesting that he can cover up a lot of things with charm, but not his negative emotions.

The saga of Matt’s sunglasses continues in this episode: he has them off as he and Foggy research, but puts them on the second Karen comes to the door and doesn’t take them off again after that. Karen is still a new person in Matt’s life, for whatever tenuous connections they have aren’t enough for him to feel glasses-less around her. Foggy, meanwhile, has known Matt for a long time; he knows Foggy isn’t uncomfortable with his lack of sunglasses or anything like that. He’s comfortable around Foggy.

On a finale note, there’s Matt’s reaction to the guy stabbing himself in the face. On the one hand, it’s a totally justifiable reaction to a guy stabbing himself in the face with a spike. On the other hand, the way he freezes up brings to mind other moments in the show. It’s Matt’s reaction to any unexpected event. When something happens that he doesn’t see coming, he flounders and freezes, regardless of context. Again, in this case it’s how pretty much anyone would react, but it does also fit a wider pattern. I’ll look for more of this as time goes on.

#daredevil #matt murdock #screech cries about matt murdock

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