#i feel so pathetic man. im always the one rejecting others. i fucking hate being the one who has to swallow feelings and pretend its all ok

[genekies]

[mejomonster]

Huai Dao chapter 8: Sheng Yao (detail oriented flirt) likes Su Junzi (happily married family man)

Oh. Oh man

Ohhhh. Okay look so 1 theyre side characters, Im almost sure Shen Yexi and Jiang Hu are the main pairing of the novel.

2 Sheng Yao and Su Junzi are absolutely characters with traits that priest was like: oh yeah i gotta try these out again with more characters. And those would include Fei Du and Luo Wenzhou. So like. If youve read modu, you know Fei Du likes Tao Ran, and Luo Wenzhou likes Tao Ran. But Tao Ran is *presumed straight (he is Rejecting them both is the point). So Luo Wenzhou IS single. So when Fei Du hits on Tao Ran, its Kind Of shitty to hit on Luo Wenzhous crush, but also neither of them are getting their advances accepted, so theyre really just both losers mutually looking pathetic about their crush not liking them. So when Fei Du switches to hit on Luo Wenzhou, well. Luo Wenzhou IS single. There is no actual 3rd party to cheat on or hurt or betray. The only obstacles to them dating are their self imposed personal reasons (Fei Du not wanting to actually date someone he loves in fear he will hurt them, Fei Du knowing hes lying to Luo Wenzhou, Luo Wenzhou being so protective and semi-guardian over Fei Du for so long that hes like a kid to him, Luo Wenzhou intensely aware of the myriad of power inequalities from both sides, Luo Wenzhou aware Fei Du for some reason Doesnt wanna Actually be committed and is lying - at least at first). But uh. Su Junzi is married married.

Oh priest how are u gonna hurt me. Is this gonna be a Tao Ran situation where Su Junzi is straight and sweet and just an unobtainable crush Sheng Yao silently harbors until he meets someone else? Which is the path Fei Du took with crushing on Tao Ran. Is Su Junzi bi and going to lose his wife tragically (super emotionally fucked up if so ill cry), and Sheng Yao helps with his kid and they end up together eventually? (I sincerely doubt it but) are we getting a polyamorous 3 people situation - that would be the least Hurt My Heart answer. And if Sheng Yao moves on from this crush, Su Junzi just being a catalyst making him realize he does want to settle down with someone... who on Earth is he going to date??? Because Sheng Yao really built Su Junzi up in his head as HIS partner, his companion, his Close Friend he always cares about. And even on a platonic level, it is HARD to find a new romance partner who grows into someone u love as much as a long term best friend (which is maybe why when people do, they stay in long term relationships with Those crushes that become best friends to them too). Like. Its going to be hard for a new person to worm into Sheng Yaos heart at the degree a close friend like Su Junzi already is.

Oh and Jiang Hu? Im not sure yet how i feel about him and Shen Yexi. Im still somehow hoping for a Hannibal level fucked up dynamic. But Jiang Hus not really giving Liar or Dangerous, so much as foreigner with his own peculiar habits (and spacey) and with a personality that just doesnt Totally mesh with a police (which means hes pretty normal for a guy youd run into in a university). And Shen Yexi, unless he flips WILDY which i guess is possible like Fei Dus lie reveal, well he is just fairly earnest? He seems to be a good employee, a priest lead who Isnt a flirt (actually fun and shocking to me he And Jiang Hu arent flirts since the other mystery priest novels ive read at least one lead is), seems to care to help people but not glorify it or expect impossibly perfect results from himself (which is what Luo Wenzhou absolutely does - hold himself to superhero expectations then constantly self hate that hes incapable of meeting them). Shen Yexi is fairly well adjusted, balanced, a good calm decisive leader... hes got a bit of a workaholic streak but it only is affecting him, hes not expecting it of his team too. Hes so what he appears, i just dont think hes gonna turn out to be an undercover criminal or villain type. So much as id love a Hannibal esque dynamic... i dont think its happening.

Anyway i love Sheng Yao this poor man fucked up. Fell in love with an unavailable married man.

[wizkiddx]

hiii!!! omg please please pleasee do a part two of 3 hearts broken cus it fucking slaps miss girl

part 2 to 3 broken hearts!!! ive been so 🥺 at all the lovely comments+interest pt 1 had so thanku all !

summary: serious serious angst again will tom somehow get it back (unlike looking cos boy is a fool)

warnings: again lots of swearing (im British sorry not sorry) / wayyyy too much tea / slating Dom abit (obvs fictional but idk if I like the guy sorry his opinions are :/) / commitment issues

/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

read part 1 here!!!!

That was three days ago now. Three days since you'd spoken to your boyfrien- well, Tom. It wasn't evident what the situation was.

The typical British weather brought with it the most ironic pathetic fallacy you could ever see. The clouds were dark and glooming, firing angry pellets of rain out as hard as they could. When you had pulled up on the roadside, it had just been a light drizzle but synchronised with your anxiety levels rising - so did the rain. When you finally opened up the car door, you threw your hoodie open with a sigh before running up the pathway to the front door.

It was the same burgundy red that you knew so well, but this time instead of just letting yourself in - you stood in the rain used the brass knocker thing twice. To be honest, you were hoping that no one was home - but in that house, it was pretty unlikely. After 30 seconds of getting drenched in the downpour, you were about to let yourself in with the spare key before the door swung open.

"Oh! Er Y/n?"

"Yeh um hi." You had to shout a bit over the sound of what must now be classified as a storm.

"Toms not-"

"I know. Can I come in?" As awkward and stunted as this conversation was, if you didn't get out of the rain asap you would literally end up drowned.

“Oh er yeh-yeh yeh come in.”

Harry stammered as he held the door open, gesturing for you to enter into the tiled hallway. Gratefully, you followed, throwing your sopping wet hood back down and wiping your feet on the floor.

"Sorry for just showing up, but I left some scripts here. My management are on my arse to read them and-"

"And you waited till Tom left for mum and dads?" The fluffy-haired boy has caught you red-handed; there was no defence, so you didn't even try.

Because yes, you knew on a Friday afternoon when Tom was home he would always, like clockwork, go to his parents just to kick back and watch gogglebox with both of them. It was only natural then that you chose Friday afternoon to come and pick up your stuff.

"I've been waiting in my car for half an hour till I saw him leave." Harry half laughed at that, still the two of you standing opposite each other in the hallway. "Um, do you… do you hate me Harry?"

Clearly, he hadn't quite been expecting your question going by the way his eyes almost bugged out his head.

"No, I-I, of course, I don't… look, I'm home alone so you fancy a cuppa?" Not being able to help the small chuckle, you nodded appreciatively, following Harry through the house.

"Your answer to everything is tea."

Harry had prepared the two mugs in silence as you sat at the table waiting patiently - if nervously too. You didn't miss how Harry had still used your favourite mug, having had to dig through the cupboard to find the weird square-shaped thing. Once done, he rounded the kitchen island and placed it in front of you, which you instantly cradled in two hands - for the hope of warming you up.

"You cold?" Obviously, it was pretty evident that sitting in your rain-soaked hoodie was not cosy at all. "Hang on a sec."

The boy sprung up again, returning moments later with a hoodie in hand, one he offered out to you with a little smile. The issue was that him and Tom shared clothes, so the hoodie he was kindly offering to you also had been worn by Tom before. Which made it hurt a little bit to wear. It was better than sitting soaked through though.

"How have you been then?"

"Not the best, to be honest, but uh… how about you?"

"Being with Tom while he's fighting with you? Oh, it's a barrel of laughs. You might've escaped it, but I haven't." He was trying to lighten the mood, and you appreciated it, offering him a half-smile that didn't really meet your eyes.

"Yeh sorry about that."

"Don't apologise; it doesn't sound like it's your fault Y/n."

That surprised you. Tom, especially when he was in moods like he was when you argued, wasn't one to admit when he was wrong. It was usually how the world was against him and how he was so hard done by. Accepting responsibility was something he hadn't said to you yet - but at least, small steps.

"He say that?"

"Pretty much… doesn't seem like he's angry at you, but-but he's still angry."

"At the world?" You rolled your eyes; this seemed to be the same old Tom through and through. Still immature. Still not with the right mindset.

"At himself." Harry countered, slightly entertained, when he saw the flash of surprise in your face as he sipped his drink. "And me… if I dare to so much as breathe this week."

This time you properly laughed, and Harry joined in too before the room fell back to silence - except the noise of the rain hitting the garden patio slats. You swirled the tea round in your mug, feeling the brunette's eyes on you. He'd always been your fake little brother too, since you'd met the Hollands way back 3 and a half years ago. Tom and yourself were barely adults, which meant the twins were still proper children. Harry had always been the one that understood you. Hollands, by nature, loved humans - loved to talk, to chat, to gossip. But sometimes, doing all that socialising got too much for you, as it did for Harry. He was the only one that seemed to understand social exhaustion. So when those moments had hit, you'd kept each other company in silence.

He got you, sometimes in ways your own boyfriend didn't.

"You know why he got so worked up, right?" You shook your head, looking up curiously. "Dad got under his skin on his birthday zoom thing."

Ah, now that did seem to coincide with the start of Tom's more petulant phase. To be fair, Tom had been asking to move in together for near enough a year now - but it was only in the past month it seemed to be the only thing you'd talk about and obviously only three days since the flight back. Dom's birthday barely a week ago, whilst you and Tom were both filming - except Tom had managed to get a day off where you hadn't. So you hadn't heard this conversation.

"What'd he say?"

"Was talking about how he and mum were settling down at Toms age, joked about how you rejected him, said maybe you were holding out for something better."

"Something better?" Harry sighed, leaning forward onto his elbows.

"He'd seen an article just off a trashy tabloid… it named you Hollywood's golden girl or something, said you could have the pick of any person on the planet…"

Of all the people in the world, why is Tom affected by shit journalism? He knows how much bullshit people write. He knows how it's all made up, exaggerated nonsense. And what he should know, completely and totally, is how much you love him. And if he didn't, was that your fault? Had you done something wrong, something to make him doubt you?

Harry seemed to notice the internal dialogue going on in your head, adding to the point. "It wasn't the article though, it was the fact dad said it."

Hmmm.

You and Dom got on; it wasn't like you hated the possible future father in law or whatever. Just…. you had very different outlooks. As much as Tom prided himself on how' grounded his family keeps him' -to you at least, they aren't entirely at sea level either. They'd never really had any particular struggles in life. They were the definition of middle class, and that's about it. They lived in a posh suburb of London, had all their family still around. It was the perfect family.

And whilst you were in no illusions about how privileged your life was now. It hadn't always been. You'd never had the 'nuclear' family. Instead, only your dad and a string of dodgy and fleeting stepmothers while struggling to make ends meet. So you were just always wary of Dom, of his opinions that so often his boys took for gospel. They always seemed pretty sheltered and close-minded.

And yet, Tom was a grown man.

"I get that, I just… Tom should know that we know more about our relationship than his dad. I mean,… have I done something wrong? Made him think I'm not in this for the long haul?"

"No nonono Y/n he's just… well he's an idiot, isn't he? I don't think he properly understands why you're cautious about moving and everything. He's just an idio- "

Harry was cut off for lightly insulting his brother by the sound of the front door opening, both of your heads swivelling towards the source. You then met Harry's eyes in a panic, to which he replied relatively simply.

"Just talk to each other. For my sake." You would've argued if it weren't for the fact you were so focused on Tom's shuffling around in the entrance hallway - back early from his parents.

"Baz? Where you at? I thought I saw Y/n's car and-"

"Kitchen!!!" Before Tom could say anything else, possibly landing himself in more trouble, Harry interrupted as his chair screeched while standing up. And then Tom was just there. Standing in the doorway, his arms dropping limply to his side as he noticed you. Everything about that moment seemed to freeze, when you locked eyes with him for the first time in three days. It didn't go unnoticed, the way his Adams apple bobbed, the way his eyes widen. The boy looked plain and simply terrified.

It was Harry who broke the silence, after giving you a stern look that said 'stay'. The younger Holland boy walked up to Tom and spoke.

"Try actually talking and actually listening about your problems with each other." And then he was gone, down the hallway and up the stairs.

For a few moments, Tom stayed absolutely stationary, now staring at where Harry had been when speaking to the both of you (but mainly Tom). Long enough to put your sense of unease at an all-time high, ready to make a break for it.

"If you don't want to talk, then I can leav-"

"NO!" Apparently snapping out of it, Tom exclaimed loud enough to make you flinch from your seat. "Sorry! I-I just… I wasn't expecting to… you know, to see you."

"Yeh I just uh- just came to pick up some scripts… Harry cornered me with a tea, though; otherwise, I'd be…."

"Baz thinks the whole world could be fixed with tea."

"that's what I said!" You instinctively responded, forgetting the fact you're supposed to be mad at him, and just for a second falling back into your normal flow.

Tom didn't even try to hide his grin in response, until you quickly corrected your face- then he did too. Turning around to put the kettle on for himself. Because right now, he needed to fix his whole world, and he needed all the help he could get. For a period, the only noise was the sound of the kettle boiling, then the teaspoon clinking against the mug as he stirred - until he padded over, taking the seat across from you.

"So."

"So."

"It's been a while," Tom stated the bloody obvious.

"You never called."

"Didn't think you'd want me to."

You thought that the early signs weren't all that auspicious. His ability to read a situation once again failing.

"I wanted you to say something."

"Say what?"

"What do you think Tom?" He replied to the sarcastic tone by sucking in a sharp breath, holding it for a second, before slowly exhaling. As if trying to compose himself, take time to think of a response - a mature move for him.

"Well, I think you want me to say sorry? For being so moody and not waiting for you and for upsetting those kids. And thanks too, for covering for me?"

You just hummed. Waiting for him to continue. Because yes, you did deserve all those things. But you also deserved more. An apology for, oh I don't know, saying he didn't think you loved him? It was a wait that never ended, he had nothing more to add.

"Going by your face, I take it I missed something?"

The bloody cheek of it.

"Theres nothing else? Nothing else at all? …" You gave him that chance, the opportunity but all he could respond with was a shake of his head. "You thought I was fine about you saying that I don't love you?" You hadn't intended on raising your voice, but really you hadn't realised you did till after the fact. To blinded by rage at his ignorance.

"You want to talk about this now?"

"When else Tom?" You sighed, realising he perhaps wasn't ready for this conversation. Maybe he needed more time to think things through, have sense talked into him by various wiser family members. Or maybe, he never would be. That was the worst-case scenario. But also… you're most likely prediction.

He shuffled in his seat, clearing his voice but not saying anything. Not a peep.

"I have spent three years of my life with you. I've had countless nights of too little sleep because that was the only time you could facetime. I've exposed my relationship to the world and people's opinions because you didn't want to hide. All I've done is love you. How could you even say that?" There might've been tears in your eyes, yet you were determined to keep them at bay. You needed to have this out, one way or another, to be clear and cohesive and logical. No time to cry.

"Y/n I know that, I…" He sighed, instinctively reaching for your hand, but you were quicker to pull it away. There was hurt in his eyes, but so there should be. "It just sometimes feels like that's it for you. That yeh you love me but you just want to standstill. That this is as much as it'll ever be."

Your emotions were suddenly uncontainable. Your voice croaked as you whispered, "Have I done something wrong?"

"No love, nonono if that's how you feel then that's okay. But it's something I'm not… shit this is hard." He took a pause to take a sip of his drink, your glazed eyes never leaving his. "I don't think I can stand still anymore. And yeh I was pissy and childish the other day because my dad got under my skin about the whole moving in thing… But these past few days, it just has got me thinking. Because I love you, so much."

This time when he reached out to grab your hand, you actually leaned into it yourself. Not because you were giving in, but because this hurt. This hurt so fucking much that you needed something to ground you, or else god knows. Because the way he was speaking, it sounded so finite.

"I love you too."

"I do know, which is…is why this is so hard." At the very least, Tom had conceded that.

The conversation ceased to silence yet again. The room felt so cold; even Tom/Harry's hoodie was doing nothing to keep you from the endless empty cold that seemed to be coming from within.

"When I re-registered my health card last month, and I made you my emergency contact on it. I-I made you my next of kin on everything actually. I didn't think about it twice. And-and this-"You pulled your phone out of your back pocket, immediately pulling up the app onto the open page. "This is my Pinterest board for our baby's nursery theme. I know-" You paused, to quickly wipe your cheeks clear of the tear tracks that may or may not have been there. "I know it's probably a long way away, but I just love the Scandinavian theme." You laughed at yourself, suddenly embarrassed at your blabbering and quickly pulled up a different app. "And this… this was from the other week when I was helping Y/bf/n start her vows." Hands trembling as you turned the phone around for Tom to see again. "She was finding it really tricky so she said, what would you say to Tom on your wedding, so-so I made this list." You only dared to look at him when you were sure he'd be reading through that note.

It was bizarre because he looked… well, he looked happy. Here you were feeling traumatised, showing things that you'd barely even deeped how committed they were - and he was pleased? Feeling the fire burn once again inside of your chest, you quickly swiped the phone away and back into your pocket. Only then did he look up, eyes widening - presumably at quite how psychotic you looked.

"So don't you dare say that I don't want a future with you."

You said it with such force, there was a pause. Tom letting those words sink deep into his brain. The way his expression flickered minutely gave you hope. You thought he got it. You thought he really understood now.

"But why don't you want to move in then?"

There it was again. He knew why. But he didn't get it. And, probably, he never would.

You were about to crash completely. So you ran. As fast as your legs could carry you, not even aware of your chair crashing to the floor in your wake. You ran out of that house and away from him. Away from who you had thought was the love of your life.

?give tom a final chance w one last part?

feedback is always v v appreciated <3

tom taglist : @lovehollandy12 @hollandlover19 @thefernandasantana @hunnybunimdun @hallecarey1@cedricdiggorysimpp @msmimimerton @hollandfanficlove @pandaxnienke @crossyourpeter @thegirlwiththeimpala @tom-softie @sunwardsss @spiitfiiires @radcloudenthusiast @ladykxxx08

people i think might be interestd in this (sorry if not just let me know and i'll remove the tag!!!): @obiwanownsmyass @wildxwidow @parkersvogue @coffeewithoutcaffeine @tomhollandlol @thefallenbibliophilequote @clumsymandu @hiraethenthusiast @mannien @abrielleholland @evermorehabit @niallberry @greatpizzascissorstaco @runawayolives @annathesillyfriend @letsgotothemoonlight @lovelybarnes

[omegawolverine]

Braid Me a Home

summary:

"Braid my fucking hair, Theseus. Braid it.”

It had sounded like a plea falling from Techno’s chapped lips, blood caked under his nails as he sat in front of Tommy on a tree stump, slowly itching at his wrists.

“Wilbur told me to stop you if you ever started doing that-”

“Wilbur isn’t fucking here. Just...braid, Toms. Braid.” 

or

A story about the Sleepy Bois being family, told through braids.

word count: 2.5k

warnings: child neglect, hurt/no comfort, canonical character death, implied/referenced mental health issues (like it’s obvious but there isn’t much detail to it), brief blood mentions (ik this fic sounds kinda angsty as hell but its not? imo its light angst)

a/n: first dream smp fic and im ALREADY projecting? christ. anyways. go easy on me pls this is far from my best work i just havent written a fic in like 5 months (more if you dont count the fucking chat fics) mm also i may have posted this like a week ago on ao3 just to test the waters and its already gotten way more comments and kudos than any fic of mine usually gets this early on so hopefully tumblr enjoys it too :]

—

When Wilbur Soot was born, he came out crying, as most babies do. Covered in vernix and blood, he weighed just barely above the seven-pound mark, gasping out sharp cries that only a parent could truly stand, or worse—love. Though he was the second baby born into the family that day, he was fussed over far more than he would ever be again.

Technoblade, on the other hand, had barely made a sound when he came out, a trail of blood smeared across his forehead, almost as if it was meant to be there. He made small noises that were more akin to confused mumbles, weakly grasping at his father’s hair when he was eventually passed on for the second child to be welcomed into the world.

Only when both boys were held in their father’s grasp did Wilbur quiet down, his soft head leaning into his father’s beard as he stared wide eyed at the boy across from him. Though they looked similar enough, Technoblade’s nose was squished further back into his face, appearing almost snout-like to Philza. Of course Wilbur noted this, wiggling until their father somehow managed to get them pressed right up against each other with minimal damage done. Though Techno never stopped squinting like an annoyed old man at Wilbur, he allowed the other to press a fist against his nose, his eyebrows unfurrowing just the slightest bit at the touch.

From that day on, Philza was the father of two twin boys—a loud boy who cried easily, but always calmed down for his older brother, and a rather monotone one, who’s face seemed to be permanently stuck in a scowl, unless said face was being smushed around by the younger. And things worked like that for a while. Not forever, but...a while.

—

Philza taught Wilbur to braid on a hot Monday afternoon.

It had been a rough day for the boy, though Phil hadn’t a clue why. Maybe he had just woken up on the wrong side of the bed? Or maybe he hadn’t slept enough between bedtime and the time Tommy had started crying again, the youngest boy’s crib being right beside his head and all. Though it might’ve seemed cruel from an outsider’s perspective, Wilbur had been the one to ask for it. Something about Tommy being his little brother and how he needed to teach the boy the ways of the world in the same way Techno had taught him—because apparently that was all Techno’s doing now, not Phil’s.

Regardless, Wilbur had been a bit too snippy for Phil’s liking that day, complaining about every little thing they did until finally, the day was over.

Well, as over as it could be with Techno leaving mid foam sword fight, an annoyed shout of ‘I quit!’ leaving his mouth before he snatched up Tommy’s carrier and brought him inside for god knows what reason.

It had only been around four P.M. by that time—too early for dinner, yet too late for Phil to really demand the boy stay outside and continue to entertain himself with a brother who was clearly not entertained himself.

Details aside, Phil isn’t really sure how they got to braiding. He just knows at some point they did and by the end of their outside time, just before the clock struck six, Wilbur had made two thick, messy braids in his hair. They stuck out awkwardly, looking all too similar to Pippi Longstocking’s iconic hairdo for his comfort, but he’d be damned if he took out the braids his son had so happily rushed inside to show his older brother before demanding to do his hair as well. After all, Wilbur didn’t have long enough hair for braids, but Technoblade sure as hell did. It was only at his shoulder blades back then, brunette curls wrapping around his narrow shoulders and thin arms like thick vines.

Wilbur had always enjoyed brushing it out with his fingers and putting cute, handmade clips or flowers in it at random, decorating the waves for his brother who was more than happy to let the boy do as he pleased. Though he would never admit it, Technoblade liked how it felt when Will played with his hair. He was always careful not to tug too hard, prioritizing the comfort of his other half more than the beauty of his work, as he so often referred to it.

So when Will had presented him with the mess that was his first two braids, he wasn’t hesitant at all to let the boy practice on him. Instead, he walked to the couch with a small smile, removing his glasses gently and getting comfortable before his brother plopped down into the space behind him. Long legs draped over long legs with no warning, thighs pressed together as if they were meant to be like that all along—and they might as well have been, for how often they did this.

Phil had watched them from the doorway in content silence, Tommy sitting behind him in a wooden high chair looking bored, but not making a fuss for once. And as he left that doorway to begin dinner, he listened to their muffled conversation and soft bursts of laughter with a small smile on his lips, for he knew things wouldn’t always be this way. They would have to grow up eventually, and when they did, things would change. Phil could only hope it was for the better.

—

When Tommy turns nine, Wilbur teaches him to braid under circumstances not too different from the ones he had learned under himself.

Well. Not too too different.

Philza and Technoblade had been...busy as of late. In the house for three days, out for a week, in for a week, out for three more, over and over and over again. Wilbur had become more like a father to Tommy in recent months than he should’ve been, his fourteenth birthday fast approaching as their father took Techno out for yet another job, one that Wilbur couldn’t come on because he was too fucking weak to do anything Techno could do, too fucking stupid to learn all the techniques Techno did, lacking all the strength and agility his older sibling possessed, like the useless prick he was-

Right. This is about Tommy.

When Tommy was nine, his hair rested gently against his collarbones in the exact same cut and color as their father wore. If Wilbur was a lesser man, he would’ve hated the kid for it, but it wasn’t his fault that he couldn’t see what a selfish git their father truly was yet. All he knew was that their dad was busy a lot and that, for some reason, Techno needed to go with him. Apparently, that was enough for him to keep holding onto the idea that one day, the man would stay longer and maybe, just maybe, show him some of the same care that his older brother did.

If Wilbur was a better man, he would tell Tommy the truth. He would tell him all about the way Philza had called him useless in a fight, forcing him to instead stay home and care for a child while still being one himself. He would mention how Philza had given him no instructions on how to care for a developing child, how he left out key details to parenting on his own as a goddamn thirteen-year-old, yet remembered to tell him things would be better this way because god forbid he does his fucking job as a father for anyone but Technoblade—

Who he missed. He missed Technoblade, his other half, so fucking bad it hurt sometimes—so bad it left him gasping for breath at two A.M., his head pounding in tandem with his uneven heartbeat, lungs burning as his snot and tears soaked into his brother’s cold, cold sheets. And it made him feel fucking pathetic because the truth of the matter was that...Techno had left him behind too. Still, he couldn’t bring himself to hate the older boy, no matter how hard he tried. Couldn’t hate Philza either, if he were to be honest with himself, but it was a lot easier to pretend he did when his father was the one putting them all in this position to begin with.

So, Tommy was nine when he learned how to braid.

Phil had promised him and Techno would be back Tuesday morning.

It was Wednesday afternoon.

Tommy didn’t fucking understand, and as frustrating as it was that the prick decided to take it out on Wilbur, he couldn’t blame him. Who else was he supposed to take this shit out on? Certainly not the man who had yet to return.

Wilbur had started the braid as a way to distract him. It was simple, really—tell him you know something he doesn’t and that he won’t get to know if he doesn’t sit the fuck down and listen.

When he had started tugging the boy’s hair back from his face, his immediate reaction was to jerk away, swatting at the hands that hovered over his shoulders. This only happened once or twice more before he let it happen naturally, his posture stiff as Wilbur ran his fingers through the boy’s hair with practiced ease.

Though it may not have seemed like it, Tommy was significantly more averse to touch than Techno had ever been. The only reason Techno even seemed averse to it was because of his hesitance to initiate, something he and Wilbur had discussed in depth. Rejection was one of the few fears Technoblade truly had and Wilbur held that fact close to his heart, ready to die with it if need be. Tommy, on the other hand? He was very particular about where and when and why someone was touching him, and it had taken Wilbur a long time to get used to that fact. But, he wasn’t about to make his little brother uncomfortable just so he could be happy and, eventually, he learned the ins and outs of how to touch TommyInnit without causing issue.

Pulling a few of the shorter strands towards the front of Tommy’s face loose, Will separated the blonde’s hair into three sections. They were rather small, what with how thin and short his hair was, it just barely being long enough to even have a proper braid in it, but Wilbur knew he could make it work.

“Now, Toms, you gotta listen to me here, because I can’t show you this bit, yeah? Phil and Tech aren’t here, and my hair is too short, so you’ll just have to feel it out for now, but...this is how you braid hair-” Wilbur had said in a soft voice, brushing the pad of his thumb over the boys neck slowly to ease the tension out of his shoulders. The effect was immediate, the boy slouching forward as if he had just noticed he was holding himself so sternly. Smiling softly, Wilbur instructed him on how to weave the strands together, answering questions and pulling lightly at Tommy’s hair so he could feel exactly where everything went. After he was done, Tommy had reached back to feel the bumps in his hair, all his earlier anger seemingly gone as he gave a small smile. And then he tried it himself.

Of course he got a bit of help at first, Wilbur’s larger hands guiding his own with gentle corrections, but after that Tommy worked on it alone, his older brother watching in silence from a patch of grass beside the porch step.

That night, Tommy and Wilbur slept in Techno’s bed, a soft, blue blanket wrapped tightly around them. And if another body woke them up at some point that night, shoving its way into the mess of limbs, their chest pressed right up against the youngest boy’s back, then that was only for them to know.

—

At eleven years old, Tommy takes a pair of scissors to his hair. With flushed cheeks and salty lips, his hands shaking and his eyes foggy, he cuts, cuts, cuts, until he can no longer braid his hair—until he can no longer look like fucking Phil.

Even though Wilbur had once said he hated Tommy’s long hair—hated how similar he and their dad looked—he felt like crying as he ran his fingers through the uneven strands. He didn’t tell his brother this though, instead grabbing his face and planting a wet kiss on his freckled forehead. In a fierce whisper, Wilbur had said, “I’m so fucking proud of you, Tommy. So fucking proud.”

Tommy never forgets the way he felt that day. He doesn’t forget Wilbur’s words either.

—

When Wilbur loses his last life, Technoblade tells Tommy to braid his hair.

It wasn’t a question either, but a demand forced out between gritted teeth, his face red, his nose stuffy and his lashes wet with unshed tears. Still, his words were clear as day.

“Braid my fucking hair, Theseus. Braid it.”

It had sounded like a plea falling from Techno’s chapped lips, blood caked under his nails as he sat in front of Tommy on a tree stump, slowly itching at his wrists.

“Wilbur told me to stop you if you ever started doing that-”

“Wilbur isn’t fucking here. Just...braid, Toms. Braid.”

Tommy sniffled, but did as he was told.

Maybe it was because he was too tired to argue with the only person he even had left. Maybe it was because he could tell Technoblade was mad at their father for the first time in his life, and he knew how bad his first time had felt. Or, maybe, it was just because he knew Techno fucking cared. Nobody else seemed to, but he knew Techno did and...that was enough for him.

As long as someone else cared—as long as it was fucking Technoblade—that was enough for him.

Just as Tommy had finished the braid, curling his finger around the light pink tail that tied the whole thing off, Techno yanked it forward. Before he could even register that the hair had left his hand, the older boy had taken an axe to the top of it, letting the rest of his hair fall around his face in uneven curls. Though it was a good ten minutes of work wasted, Tommy couldn’t say a damn thing as he watched Techno pocket the braid, muttering a thank you and heading in the direction of Wilbur’s unofficial grave.

In that moment, he felt relief for the first time in a long while.

—

Wilbur Soot was born covered in vernix and blood, weighing just barely above the seven-pound mark, and he came into the world much like he left it. Everyone had heard his cries—even if they weren’t there, even if they didn’t know him well—they had saw the way he spiraled, desperate and afraid and paranoid, searching for help, but never receiving enough.

And though he was the second child born, he left the world first, returning in a yellow sweater with a small braid tucked behind his ear. He didn’t really know why he had one, but he remembered braiding Techno’s hair and he remembered teaching Tommy how to do his own and he remembered, he remembered, he remembered the braids.

[qwertishy]

I hated you my whole life. You destroyed me, my childhood, my innocence. You betrayed your trust in me. I put you on a pedestal, said you could do no wrong.. as you wronged me in the quiet of the night when nobody was looking. Day after day, year after year, you made me question all the wrong things. I spent years of my life too scared to leave you, while the damage grew more and more with each and every day, each and every night. Every time i looked at you, or you me.. i could feel your eyes peering at me, and like prey, i feared for my life each and every time. Such a short tempered man, what if I don't do what he wants, what if I don't sound the way he wants? Will it be more than just a hard fuck, will he grab my throat and threaten to kill me, or just grab my throat as he comes?

I remember the first day you told me you were sick. I stood there, emotionless, staring right through you. I felt nothing, not joy nor grief. I stood there, stiff as a board, and felt nothing. You reached over for a hug, for comfort. My skin crawled, and suddenly I no longer belonged in it. Again.

I remember when you told me how hard it was, how bad you were suffering; all the pain you were in. You told me how helpless and scared you felt. How you feared for your life. "Good" I remember thinking. I became branded as the cold hearted daughter that such a valiant, gracious man did not deserve, especially in such times. "Whatever grudge you're holding, its not worth it" "he's sick" "he's dying". I stood there as you let people think you were a good man, a kind father. A facade I allowed you revel and parade in. Weaker times. I waited patiently for you to become this man they said you were. I watched you gleam as they condemned me, as they praised you. Praised your valor, your honor, your bravery. You are a small, weak, pitiful little man. You never spoke up. I spoke up for you. You couldn't even deny it. Couldn't even admit it. Your pathetic pride and privilege. Of course no one believed me. What was I to them? A rebellious whore. A scandalous child, spreading lies and blasphemy for the attention nobody was giving me. How dare I be so selfish. How could these allegations possibly be true? Who would quietly suffer for 18 years and never say a word? Why tell us now? Why not then? I didn't expect them to understand, but I also didn't expect this. Banishment from a community I had no interest in. Rejection from the comfort I so desperately ached for. Understanding.. understanding? I knew that was out of the question.. yet I yearned for it anyways. Every cold shoulder I was met with was another piece of my soul being silently chipped away.

I remember screaming and hollering and crying like I was begging for my life as you dragged me down the hall to your bedroom. Why did it never get better? Why was I always just as scared? Just as terrified.. i remember early February morning, calling my best friend to tell him this was it, to tell him it was the last straw. Barely dressed, walking down an icy road, desperate to get away. Sick to my stomach, vomiting on what little green there was. Headlights. I needed this to be over. I stepped into the road. The car slowed, then came to a stop. I watched in silence as the doors opened. I was ready to spill my heart out and tell someone, anyone, the truth. I needed help, I needed help. Its 3, maybe 4 o'clock in the morning and all i can see is the silhouette of a man walking towards me. My face is stained with tears, I don't know how long I've been outside, or how cold it was. Tank top and boxer shorts. "Help", my brain tells my mouth to say, help. I try to say words, I try to say anything. Silence. Not even a stutter. He steps out from the blinding of the lights and my eyes adjust to see who stands before me, and before I can even register what im seeing, I hear this tremendous sound come out from nowhere. This bellowing as if from some sort of wounded animal. "Where was this sound coming from?" I thought. Me. There, standing before me at the wee hours of an early February morning was him. When my brain caught up to my body's reaction, I heard myself scream "no" as I ran down the street. I no longer cared to ask for help. I had a mission. I ran towards a busy road. I could hear a vehicle flying through, if I timed myself just right, I could make it. I know it was selfish, but I was cornered, out of options, out of hope. My pain outweighed my empathy for others. My only hope was that God could tell them it was okay, that they did me a blessing. I was so close, "I'm coming home" a voice said in my head. The van swerved last minute, then continued on its way. "NO!" I screamed, I cried, i begged. "God, no, don't take this from me!" I sobbed until I became inaudible. Then I laid there in the middle of a busy road. Hugging my knees. Not feeling a thing. He picks me up and puts me in his car. Drives me back to his house. I can't tell if he was talking to me or not. Everything felt like under water. ... he carries me to my room, to my bed. Lays me down. Kisses me on the cheek. Rubs his hands on me. Turns out the light.

That was the last time i saw him. I was 18. I ran away the next day, and never went back.

I have a child, now. He is turning 6 next month, and I love him more than anything in the world. He is my everything. The love and compassion I hold for him tells me that miracles are real. That there can be a rainbow. That.. I don't know. I love him so much, it.. I.. there are no words.

I reached out to him a couple years ago.. I found out that he is still kicking around. Still sick. Still dying. Still the pathetic man he has always been. I went to see him. He has aged terribly. He is dying. I go long stretches of time without seeing or even communicating with him. I wished for terrible things to happen to him my whole life. I replay memories of the day he told me he was sick over and over in my head. I am no longer scared of him. I have made my peace with my past. I have forgiven him, or so I tell myself. But that much, I do believe, despite how hard it is to believe.. even for me.

Today he reached out to me. Told me his doctors have told him to stop taking his medication. They're not working and his illness has taken over too much of his body. This will be the end of him. He is dying. Soon, he will be gone.

Then, the unthinkable happened. I cried. I cried my fucking eyes out. Bawled and hurt. Ached and throbbed. I've hated you my whole life, you don't get to make me hate this too. This bittersweetness is too big a pill for me to take. I thought forgiving you was the key to happiness. How dare you take this away from me. I deserve to be happy.. so why aren't I?

[jackandmarksavedme88]

Dark Lemonade

@ashphoenix06 @honestlyitsjustkennaswriting @emma-wrote @goldenoceanarps @weirdmixofweirdness

TW: Some violence, also gets a liiiiittle dirty(but the super nsfw parts have been cut out for tumblr sake 😂😂)

Mark.....are we ever going to stop driving?"

"Well. You said isolated. His place is as isolated as i could think of"

Alison studied Mark as he drove, glancing behind them where Amy was driving Alison's car every so often

"And youre sure Dark isnt going to be too...put out?"

Mark chuckled 'That asshole is always put out. Part of his charm you could say"

As he drove he thought of the conversation hed had with the ego the week before

******

"Why here Mark? Why does she need to stay here? I dont even know her"

Mark looked at Darkiplier as his aura slightly crackled around him

"I told you. Her ex has been stalking her, she needs somewhere to stay while her dad is off the ranch. She doesnt need to be alone on that huge place. Amy and i are going out of town. Now get over it. Shes staying"

"So get the police to babysit her. Why should *I* have to" the ego scowled, clearly not giving a shit what would happen to this girl

"Look Dark im not having anything happen to her because you want to be a pretentious ass. Its not like you use all of the five rooms here."

"You and Amy talk as if shes your child. Shes a grown woman"

"Yes. And her ex is an even bigger grown man that is unhinged and wants to do very bad things to her. Shes staying here."

Darkiier glared as his creator, his aura lashing tendrils out every so often as his temper rose. But he knew there was no arguing.

"Fine. But she better stay out of my way"

*********

Mark pulled to a stop in front of the big house in the woods. Alison gaped at the sight of the beautifully crafted home and the big lake behind it

"Holy. Shit.'

Mark laughed out loud "yeah. Good taste huh?"

Alison climbed out of the car and stretched her arms out, her shirt falling off her shoulder a bit, revealing a faded scar. She grabbed what she had in Mark's car and joined him and Amy to walked up the front steps and inside

"Hello?"

"Well come in, dont just stand there" Dark said.

He watched Mark and Amy come in as he walked down the stairs and stopped as Alison stepped through the door

He took her in. Reddish brown hair, green eyes, short, not skinny but not what hed call fat. She looked around nervously and then locked eyes with her host for the next couple of weeks.

"Um...hi. Im Alison Calaway" she reached out a hand to shake his as he reached the bottom of the steps. "Its nice to meet you Dark...thank you for letting me be here"

Dark took her hand and felt almost a buzz, aside from his own aura, go through him

"Yes. Mark has told me about you. Glad i could...assist"

Amy looked at her watch "oh. We gotta go if we are going to get to bed and get on the road in the morning.... Alison are you sure youre ok?" She wasnt too sure about leaving her here with HIM all that time

"Amy Ill be fine. Yall go"

She hugged and kissed both Mark and Amy on the cheeks and watched as they climbed in Marks car and drove away.

"So...are you hungry?" Alison jumped as Dark spoke closer to her ear than she thought hed be

"Oh. Um. No. Actually. Im good. I could go for some hot tea though.

"Ah. Perfect. Come with me to the kitchen"

The ego led the way as she tried to figure out this vibe she was getting. Like he reallllly didnt want her there, but was also curious about her.... He was pretty easy on the eyes though so she figured she'd survive

She sat down at the bar as he boiled the water

"So. When you said Mark talked about me....how much did he tell you?" Alison inquired, not sure what to say

"He told me of the ex-boyfriend and why you needed somewhere to stay..... May i ask how it got to that point? If thats not too forward?"

He turned to see her absentmindedly running her fingers over a scar along her collar bone

"Well.. I was with him two years. He didnt like me having friends other than him. Didnt like when i went on the road with my Dad's company and wrestled house shows.."

Darkiplier looked at her "wait...wrestling ?"

Alison ducked her head and laughed

"heh...yeah.... Long story. Dad is practically royalty in the business and i did it for a while. ..but Shane didnt like that. Mostly because i hung out with the guys and trained with them.... So for the sake of the relationship i stayed home. Then he got to where he hated me talking to Mark, Jack...Anyone really. Long story short he attacked me a few times....the last time he almost killed me..... Chase and Jackie saved my life. They had been on the way over to get me and heard me scream. Broke in..... I had to get a lot of stitches that night. And he didnt like being told no. He took off while they were helping me. Cops have been looking for him, hes been sending me letters, showing up at places where im at. But he always takes off when i see him..... Hes gotten bolder and my parents and Mark and everyone didnt want me left alone. So here i am"

Dark studied her for a moment. He could read that she had strength. But she was broken. He couldn't understand why but he felt a tug of protectiveness in his chest at the thought of that asshole trying to track her here... At least those idiotic Septic Egos had done something right. Though letting him get away was pathetic

"Well. Dont worry. If he tries to darken my doorstep, he will surely get more than he bargined for i can assure you"

He brought two mugs over and poured the water over the tea bags. They sat and talked for hours like theyd known each other forever

****************

The next night Alison laid in her bed. It was about 12 am. Shed walked by the lake all morning, theyd gone into town and grabbed lunch and when they came home she had talked with Dark about different interests most of the night. She felt oddly at home here. Suddenly her phone rings

"Now who the hell would be calling me?.."

She hit the answer button, not recognizing the number

"Hello?"

"Aliiisoon.... Now why would you go walking around with some goth reject looking...thing where everyone could see?"

She sat bolt upright in bed, all blood draining from her face... Shane

"What the hell....how did you...?"

"Now now alleycat dont worry about how. You know you're mine. Ill always find you. Now answer me"

"Theres nothing to fucking answer Shane. Leave me alone." She scrambled out of bed and down the stairs, checking the locks.

"Ohhh alison. You cant actually think im going to leave you alone. I marked you. Youre mine... Nice house youre in though. Lots of property

She stood in the glow of the moon through the front window, shaking "shane. What do you want. Why are you doing this?"

"Because. I want whats mine"

"Im not yours! I never will be, leave me al-"

The phone was snatched from her hand. Darks aura crackling and whipping around them both, scaring her and amazing her at the same time.

"Look. Either turn yourself in or go die. Your choice..... In fact i will gladly help with one of those options. But you will leave her be Shane"

And with that he threw the phone down and crushed it

She turned and stared at him, in awe of the power oozing from him, shaking from adrenaline.

The aura calmed some as he stepped toward her and ran a finger over her collarbone and shoulders. Tracing the scars that were exposed by the sleeveless sleep shirt she wore. He looked in her eyes brimming with tears and had the sudden urge to hug her and an even stronger NEED to protect her...so he pulled her in. She buried her face in his chest and cried. Feeling helpless and grateful at the same time. The tendrils ran over her back as he held the back of her head with one hand and wrapped the other arm around her.

Finally she stepped back. Wiping her face. "Dark....im sorry. You must think im a completely useless creature... Im just so tired of being his prey"

He studied her face for a moment, then spoke, his voice low, commanding attention as he did

"Youre not his prey anymore. And while i think many of those around me are useless....youre different. And damned if i know why.."

Alison looked at him, curious, but not pushing the matter.

"I dont think ill sleep much." She was mad and scared and exhausted. But she knew what her dreams would hold

Dark put his hand on her shoulder "Well. Im just doing some paper work in my office, i could....put a pillow and blankets on the couch in there for you. You could rest while i work...perhaps that way youd feel more at ease"

Alison smiled at him, grateful for his kindness. "Ok. Yeah, maybe....if i wont be bothering you of course"

He chuckled softly "not at all dear. Come"

****

Alison watched him work thru half shut eyes. This was the big bad guy everyone spoke of...to her he didnt seem so bad. Intense for sure but....there was just something about him. The quiet way he held himself, he could walk in any room and demand attention without even trying.

"You know. Its not polite to stare at people while they work ali"

She smiled sleepily "sorry. Just thinking"

The ego cocked an eyebrow. "About?"

"Well.." She sat up from her makeshift bed hed made, one strap falling off her shoulder, exposing more of her skin, Dark suddenly felt tense, but tried to ignore it

"I mean. You're supposed to be.. Horrible. A bad guy....and yet.... I feel as if we are old friends having only known you a few days ... I trust you. Though everyone has said not to.... Im supposed to be scared of you and thats just not the case" she said

He smiled gently "Well. When you're on my good side, thats what you get. But most never see that side, only a lucky few

'And why am i one of the lucky ones? " Alison asked

Dark motioned for her to come to him 'Come here....." She got up and stepped across the room, sitting on the corner of his desk as he stood up.

"If im being honest i have no idea why i feel the way i do around you. You seem to make everything....quiet. Calm. I can think clearly for some reason.... I cant quite figure you out Alison"

He was standing directly in front of her now.

She smiled up at him "heh. Good luck with that"

The blackness grew slightly and played around the edge of her face as he stared directly into her eyes "oh don't worry princess. Ill figure you out. I always get what i want"

Alison threw her head back and laughed "hmm. With me you wont.....but like i said. Have fun with that" she went to stand and he blocked her, moving very close to her. "I rather like the effect you have...stay a moment longer?"

He rested his hand on her knee and closed his eyes. Reveling in the slience that filled him. She didnt know what to say...but staring at him with his head leaned back, hair in his face she couldn't help but feel the calm as well. She reached up and brushed the har from his eyes, fingers trailing his cheek. His hand caught hers and held it to his face as he leaned into it.

Alisons heart sped up. Dark could hear it as her cheeks flushed an adorable red. He looked at her intently suddenly not in control of his actions he put his hand to her face and pulled her to him, softly bringing their lips together

She was suprised by his actions. But more suprised at the fact that she trusted him. She leaned into the kiss, grabbed the front of his jacket .

They both were startled by the crash in the front hall. Alison jumped off the desk and took off out the door before he could stop her. Dark shook his head

"That stupid girl...."

But then he heard her yelp.... His aura crackled to life as he rushed out to the front door which was wide open. The window next to it was smashed. Alison was nowhere to be seen

"Ali?? Where the hell are you?" He shouted angrily.

He heard scuffling outside. Curses came flying out of alisons mouth. The Egos eyes darkened as he ran outside and saw her on the ground under her attacker, fighting like a wildcat. He stomped down the steps and across the grass quickly, grabbing him by the back of the neck and neatly tossing him into the side of her car.

He helped Alison up and studied her quickly. Busted lip, scratches on her arms... His anger boiled over and the dark aura he carried around seemed to grow even blacker. In short. He was pissed.

"You stupid asshole. You think you can have her?" The voice came from behind him. Dark turned and stared down Shane.

"You cant. Shes mine and she will always be mine. I dont care what you or any of your other ego friends have to say. Spandex boy and Brody couldn't stop me...what makes you think...

He trailed off as he became accutely aware of the silence that enveloped him. The anger rolling off the Ego in the form of his aura suddenly making him regret coming here

Dark spun on him, grabbing his neck and shoving him against the car. His voice came out as more of a growl

"You listen to me you insignificant toad. I dont know who the HELL you think you are, or what you *think* youre going to accomplish. But taking "ownership" of Alison Calaway isnt it. People say im a bad person. Theyve never seen me be protective of someone, so trust me when i tell you the truth can be SO much worse than youve heard. I will give you a choice. You may turn around and walk out of here, never contacting or even THINKING of that woman again. Or...

He tightened his grip on Shanes throat cutting off his air as the mans bladder let go

"Or my dear boy. I can show you what demonic really means.... Its your choice"

Shane struggled to speak 'o-okay' he whispered

"What's that? I cant hear you" Dark said. Enjoying the terror in the mans eyes

"Okay! Ill go. Ill go. Just please...dont kill me"

Dark dropped him to the ground, the black aura rolling around him, trying to contain himself. Shane scrambled to get to his car

"Ah ah" Dark said. The choice was to WALK away"

He held the keys hes taken from Shanes pocket up, jingling them and smiled evily.

"Th-thats at least ten miles through the woods! Are you insane??"

Darks eyes narrowed "guess you better get started....and hope the wolves arent especially hungry tonight.. Leave"

His aura shot out, eyes flaring. Shane pissed himself again and took off running into the night

Dark's shoulders heaved up and down as he tried to control his breathing, his body shaking with the anger. Trying to keep himself from chasing the man down and ripping his head from his body

Alison approached from behind and touched his shoulder.

"Alison...im sorry you had to see me like that. I can normally control myself...."

She tugged him to turn around and he looked at her. Blood dried on the corner of her mouth, eyes shining with tears. She placed her hand on the side of his face and he noticed her knuckles were busted from fighting back. He leaned into her touch. Her closeness calming the storm raging in his mind...how had it come to this....when had she become his safe place?

Alison tried to control her emotions...she should be terrified right now, especially after that display. But all she wanted was to hold this man. And she didnt understand. She slid one hand behind his neck and pulled his face to hers. Kissing him was less of a want and more of a gnawing need right now. He was suprised but wrapped his arms around her and kissed her back. Savoring the taste of her mouth

Alison pulled back slightly, out of breath and Dark leaned his forehead to hers, closed his eyes and smiled. Neither spoke. After a moment she pulled away completely and tugged on his hand

"Cmon. Let's go inside"

They walked into the house. Not knowing what to say to each other.

A week passed. Neither spoke about that night. Not avoiding each other but avoiding the subject. Which annoyed Darkiplier greatly. When had he become..this? Not confronting something? He longed to reach out and brush the hair from her face, touch her some way. But he got the feeling she didnt want to be touched right now.

'Well why would she you fool. After everything that jackass did, did you think shed just fall in your arms and stay there?' He said aloud to himself as he toiled in his office.

His phone buzzed with a text. He checked it to see a message from Alison. After breaking her phone hed taken her to get a new one with a new number that very few people now had.

A: "Hey... You wanna go get some drinks tonight? Im getting tired of being couped up but i dont exactly want to venture out on my own. I know itd be a bit of a drive but.."

He pondered for a moment. He could easily say no. That there was liquor here...but he knew it wasnt about the drinks for Alison. He could tell she was itching to get out. To move somewhere other than the house or the lake. She was becoming a bit like a caged tiger.

D: "Sure. Why not" ..... He had a feeling he might regret this.

****************

Darkiplier stood at the bottom of the stairs, ready to leave. He sighed. What was taking her?

'Ali. Are you coming or-"

The words are lost in his throat as she starts down the steps. Auburn hair gleaming, wearing a black and red dress that fit in all the right places and short heels.

She caught his eyes as she stepoed onto the floor and laughed "yeah. Lets go" Alison suddenly felt as if she were a piece of steak in the lions den and she didnt know why.

Dark just opened the front door for her without a word and motioned for her to go first. Trying to regain composure.

At the bar, they drank, Alison danced alone. She moved like a woman possessed. Dark just watched her intently, a feeling in his chest he couldn't quite describe. It had been a couple of hours when a man came up behind her, trying to dance too close and touch too much. Dark tensed as he saw her spin around and shove him away, then he walked over, catching the end of the trashy things he was saying to her

"Alison... Lets go"

Darkiplier didnt need to shout. Or ask her twice. She gratefully nodded her head, realxing now that she didnt feel cornered.

The whole way home she was quiet. Dozing, feeling the effects of the whiskey shed been downing all night.

When they arrived at the house she got out and walked in. She was barely through the door when Dark called to her. He stepped through the door behind her as she turned

He stared for a moment, then reached his hand out to touch her face...she flinched. She didnt mean to...it was just the thought if anyone touching her....of making her feel anything was anxiety inducing...but at the same time she wanted Dark's touch

His hand stopped mid air and his eyes darkened... He was... Sad? But angry at the same time

"I see..." He murmered. Then walked past her to his office and shut the door.

Alison stood there. Tears began to run down her face. "What the hell is happening to me" she whispered. She looked toward the office door. Wanting so badly to chase him. But tired of chasing things at the same time.

******

Darkiplier tried to focus on the computer in front of him. Itd been half an hour and hed gotten nothig done. "What the hell is wrong with you? Youre bitching and moaning after this *girl* you barely know. And for what? The feeling she gives you...pathetic" he spoke to himself condescendingly.

"You know. Speaking to yourself is the first sign of madness"

Alisons voice from the doorway made him jump. Not expecting her to be there.

"Can i come in?"

He studied her for a moment. "Yes. Of course, sit"

She walked into the room. Still in her dress but barefoot now. His breath hitched in his throat as she leaned back into the sofa and curled her legs under her,she sat the drink in her hand on the side table. He laughed. Another whiskey?

"Listen. Dark. Thank you for coming over when you did....that guy was..handsy"

He scoffed "Well. Did you think i was going to let him manhandle you? Though im sure you couldve handled it fine if need be. But i have this godforsaken need to protect you. And i still havent figured it out.."

"Dont protect me.... People that protect me get hurt...." She trailed off, thinking of Henrik stitching the cut in Chase's side after he fought with Shane that night. "Im not worth good people getting hurt"

Dark stood up and walked over to stand in front of her, then crouched so he was eye level. "Look. I told you. I think a lot of people are useless, but you arent one of them. You have this passion in you when you speak about people and things you care for. You want so badly to fight everything and feel nothing....and thats not possible. Trust me. Before you waltzed into this house i wouldnt have believed it. I was an asshole to anyone that looked at me sideways. I didnt need anything or anyone.... And then here are. Making me feel things. No my dear. Worthless is not something that should be used to describe you"

He placed a hand on her leg as he spoke, electricity running between them. She jumped but didnt flinch away this time. She stared into his eyes, taking in what hed said.

He cleared his throat and stood up "i believe this is where i tell you, im sorry if i scared you that night he came here. Im sorry if kissing you was out of line.." He grabbed her hand and pulled her to stand up "but i just couldnt help it..."

She smiled and then stared at the floor as she spoke 'you werent out of line.....unexpected maybe. But i kissed you the second time. So should i apologize for that?'

Darkiplier chuckled and put a finger under her chin, lifting her gaze to his "No my dear. Never apologize for letting me taste you... Though you may need to apologize for depriving me "

With that he captured her mouth with his. Slowly as first, then more forcefully. Her hands tangled in his hair, him holding her against him. She pulled back to breathe and his lips went to her neck. 'Dark..." She said breathlessly

"Mmmm" the sound rumbled in his chest as he caressed her back and softly kissed her skin, savoring each taste. The he looked at her and smiled wickedly "you know. Coming down in that dress... Then dancing the way you did. That wasnt very nice of you. Looking like that....moving like that in public. I very nearly pinned you to the wall then and there" his eyes danced as he spoke. Running his hands down her hips and gripping her right at the lower back to pull her closer

She laughed and smiled back at him "well. Maybe i like to torture you. Make you beg for it"

He chuckled "hmm. Me? Beg? Not on your life princess, you couldnt make me actually beg"

She stepped away from him and put one hand on his chest and grinned "oh. Is that a *challenge* i hear? Go sit in your chair over there"

He cocked an eyebrow in her direction but complied, pulling the chair to the front of the desk and sitting. This should be interesting

She turned of the lights with the switch by the door. Then walked over to his computer which was behind him on the desk. She went to a music site and put a song on. One that Dark recognized from the club. One hed watched her move to, his heartbeat quicked as he remembered the sight.

She strolled around back to where shed sat her glass and downed it. Then walked to just out of his easy reach and began to move to the music. Body swaying to the beat. Eyes closed. A little drunk but in control and knowing what she was doing. The moonlight played along her body.

Darkiplier reached to touch her and she swatted his hand away.

"Oh no. Put your hands away....you cant touch unless you ask...beg for it." She said mischeviously. "Your hands cannot touch me. But i...oh i cant touch you"

She stepped closer, bending down, holding his knees as she did and bringing her body up in a way so that her face, then chest were right in front of his face. She turned and bent between his knees before coming back up slowly, grinding against him, his hands clenching. His aura crackling around them with his need. But he would not break. He couldnt. His pride wouldnt let him.

But then. Alison straddled him. Legs on either side and sat in his lap. Still moving her body to the beat of the music, leaning back as she moved her hips. This was dangerous territory. She wanted him to touch her. But she also wanted to hear him ask. Dark, to his benefit was trying to keep his composure, but the hardness beneath her was giving him away.

The music stopped and she sat. Still straddling him and put her arms over his shoulders. She grinned at him

"You gonna break?"

Dark laughed. This little minx. If she thought for one second that he was going to-

All thought flew from his brain as he felt her lips on his neck. Her hand tangled in the back of his hair. She ran her tongue along it and then along his lips. Kissing him lightly 'cmon baby. You know you want it. All you have to do is say it.... Let go of the control for once"

He reached to hold her and she caught each of his wrists and held them down "ah ah darky. Not until you ask nicely" she purred in his ear and she ground against him again. Torturing herself as much as she was him

'Alison.." It came out as a half moan, half warning.

She stood up and let go of his wrists and grinned. "Well. I guess ill just have to go to bed alone then."

As she turned she unzipped her dress and let it fall as she walked across the room. Darkipliers eyes almost came out of his head at the sight of her in her black bra and panties. Now this was just evil....

He crossed the room behind her and slammed the door before she could get to it. She turned to see him staring at her in a way that made her feel very much like a wounded animal in front of a panther. He rolled his head to either side with his eyes closed and then stared her down again, his arm over her shoulder against the door, trapping her there

"Now Alison. You have given me great needs. Id like it very much if youd stop torturing me like this'

A playful smile played over her face "but its fun to see you squirm darlin" she licked her lips.

He stared at her than went to his knees "Fine. Is this what you what? You want me to admit i need you? Well here. I absolutely need you. In many ways. Right now i need you to let me run my hands over you, to taste you, to caress every inch inside and out that i can reach Miss Calaway"

He again reach for her hips and this time she didnt stop him. His kissed her on either side, tongue lightly darting over her stomach. He stood and backed her into the wall. Now it was his turn. He grabbed her by the back of her head and roughly captured her mouth, one hand gripping her ass. He moved to her neck, nipping her as she moaned and held onto his shoulders, one hand gripping his head.

"You know im going to have to punish you for that little one" he growled in her ear before.lightly biting her shoulder. She gasped at the sensation

"Ye..yes"

"And you do not need to try that all the time....not that i dont enjoy you being a little forceful.... Are we clear?" He moved to the other side of her neck, pushing his waist to hers as he kissed

"Yes"

"Yes what kitten?" He stared into her eyes as he said this. Conveying a need for her trust. Then he kissed her deeply before allowing her to answer

"Ye-yes sir?"

That did it. His groaned and grabbed the back of both of her legs and picked her up, her lega going around his waist and slammed her against the door as he kissed her. His tongue and lips exploring her neck and chest as she closed her eyes and let the passion wash over her

************

Dark stroked her hair as she lay in his arms. They were in his bed. Having made their way up here and finally she fell asleep after one more time. He smiled. She looked innocent but was decidely not.

Her skin was warm against his. Breast pressed against the side of his chest. He studied her sleeping face. Had he really said it... After the last time. Did those words come from his mouth?

He had said he loved her and she had thrown her head back and begged him to say it again. And when he had, louder this time she collapsed into his arms and whispered it back to him.

Where the words came from he didnt know. But they seemed so natural. He kissed her face and heard birds chirping....it was 5am..looks like theyd nap most of the day. But that was perfectly fine.

His phone buzzed on the night stand. He reached with one arm and grabbed it. Seeing a message from Mark

M:hey. Alisons parents are headed back to their place. If you want her go go, she can.

Darkiplier lauged and shot a text back

D:No. I dont think i want her going anywhere. Im going to keep her a little longer ;)

M:......what did you do

D:Now ask yourself. Do you really want the honest answer to that question from me?

M:... No. You know what. Probably not. Ill stop by when we get back to town next week

D:ok. Be sure to call first. Make sure we're decent and all

M: yeah ok.....and please dont allude to that again...ever

Dark laughed and sat his phone back down. Then wrapped around alison and fell into a heavy sleep...the most peaceful hed known in his existence.

[tumblunni]

More thinking about the story big sis Bane is from

Lol this is SO awkward how on earth did i create the bff/mentor supporting character before ANY OF THE REST OF THE PLOT but man its been so much fun thinking up different stories she could fit in

* i was talking with a friend and they suggested she'd use a warhammer in battle ans now im like "hmm yes this story must be a game with combat" and that at least narrows it down a bit! I absolutely support her being a buff blacksmith cuddlebug who protects her friends with her fists as well as her mentorly perfectness. Also this friend said they're gonna design me a cool battle outfit for her IM SO EXCITED HOLY SHITTTT

* I'm not sure if the character she's bffs with would actually be a grandpa or just.. Grandpish? I just have this sense that its someone frail and depressed who doesn't believe they deserve friends and family, and they're all hermitty social anxiety until they meet this blacksmith lady who is like Fuck I Will Devote All Of My Considerable Power Towards Making Your Life More Alive. Seriously man i love Bane SO MUCH already!! She's basically a shonen hero archetype?? THE GRAMP AVENGER! Or a grandma or a dad or a whoever this person ends up being COS IF LITERALLY ANYONE IS IN NEED OF HELP SHE WILL BE THERE!! THE BANE OF DEPRESSION!!

* oh but im pretty sure that neither her nor the grandpa are the main character? I dont know why but i just feel like they would be better experienced from an outside view. I wanna be someone making friends with them! Also i feel like the protagonist should maybe be a young kid hero? Like, represent a different archetypal family role in this lil found family of hugs and sads.

* first initial idea- grandpa is a mysterious dark sorcerer and you are his apprentice! Or rather he just SEES himself as a dark sorcerer? Like all magic is considered evil, so even thougj he chooses to use his powers as a town doctor saving lives he still feels like he's a cursed monster. So he has an awkward dynamic with his apprentice cos he just Does Not Know How To React to someone hero worshipping him like this?? Like this orphan kid just came out of nowhere yelling BE MY TEACHER and hugging him and he's like OH NOOOO I CANT LEAVE THEM TO DIE IN THE COLD and theyre like SEE THATS PROOF YOURE GREAT and he's like NOOOOO!! xD i think a sort of "guy who never planned to be a gramp but had grampness thrown upon him" And he rose to the occasion spectacularly!!

* Another idea is that potentially instead of just being a random orphan, protagonist apprentice's backstory is shrouded in mystery? I was thinking maybe of a reveal that gramps actually did use to be a grandpa and his granddaughter died, and the protagonist was his failed attempt to ressurect her using dark magic. And for a long time he's been holding out on the hope that he really did bring her back, and that the protagonist will be able to recover her memories if he just tries hard enough. But as he grows to know you and love you like his own child, he realizes that you're your own person. (Or, well, your own homunculus?) And he takes responsibiluty for the new person he created, and helps you deal with finding out that you're not human, and you just form this very strange cute little family together with also the badass blacksmith lady yay! Also possibly LGBTQ elements because why not? Have the original dead grandkid always be a different gender to the protagonist, and them being trans could resonate with the themes that even though you're a clone you're your own person. And maybe have some sweet sad dream sequence where protag meets the ghost of the dead kid and you see a vision of what they might have looked like if they grew older. So throughout the course of the story you've become very different looking, and now you can embrace your big sibling for the first and last time, and feel like you really are a family. And they tell you to take care of gramps *sniff*

* Another idea is that maybe the protagonist is a secret government weapon? Like the gramps is still a dark sorcerer but instead of the dark incident in his past being a dead family member, its that he was part of a team of magic scientists and found out that his coworkers were crossing moral lines in their pursuit of power. So he finds a bunch of people locked up in a lab being turned into monsters and he managed to save only one of them during his great escape. And now he's trying to hide from them and raise this poor little monsterized kid to have a normal life.

* OR another idea is maybe taking this oc idea i had for a mismagius belonging to charon, because when i headcanon i tend to headcanon so deep i give everyone a full party and every party member needs a deep backstory too, lol. Anyway in that original pokemon version this mismagius was a lot more like an original ghost critter anyway i guess. His name was Hex and his concept was sorta like.. Charon meets kid charon? The other pokemon i gave him were all cute and bubbly to contrast him so i wanted to have one who was equally cynical. But also Hex is actually just a little kid even though he tries his damn best to be a Big Scary Evil Demon You Made A Contract With In Exchange For Great Power but really he's like a nine year old larping as one XD i think the whole concept could work better if he really WAS a magic spirit demon thing that this sad grandpa made a contract with in order to get the power to make his dreams come true. But also he's kind of a reject amoung other contract demon spirit thingies, and he's Really Just Babbu. I had this really sad idea for how he first met his trainer back when he was still a pokemon oc. From charon/new oc grandpa's perspective he found this big ominous scary demon lord and made an unholy contract! But from the demon's perspective he was just a tiny pathetic lonely lil kid who'd been hurt too many times by everyone he once trusted. So he grew to hate all those monsters who make friends with humans, and tried to act all egotistical like he chose to be alone. But eventually he just couldnt take it anymore and he decided he'd just go with the next human who tries to take him. Even if theyre evil.. Itd still be better than being alone. So he put up all those barriers around his true self and was so reluctant to trust gramps, but eventually being togethee has helped him regain his faith in having a happy life, yknow? And meanwhile grandpa is just like "oh god oh fuck youre a BABBY oh god how did i never know WHO WOULD LEAVE YOU ALL ALONE!!!" "Dude im a demon its not exactly normal to care about my wellbeing." "FUCK THAT, I AM YOUR GRAMP NOW"

* so yeah lol loads of different ideas about what the story could be, all kinda similar at heart but wildly varying from an innocent cute protag to grumpy cynical who's secretly an innocent cute protag, lol!

* in any case whoever you are and whoever gramps is, Bane is still be love u as big sis and support u thru the everything, yes

[theyrsick]

you cant ironically hate women, you just hate women. you cant ironically hate anyone because your brain doesnt understand the difference between irony and genuinely feeling that way. so they just hate women. 

they have the nerve to be upset with me for telling them they mansplain. they tell me they know they have problems and they have a lot to work on and months later im still seeing the most disgustingly misogynistic things. i think they’ve slowly started believing all the gross things they used to ironically say. they say they’re trans and its not as though i dont believe it but it doesnt make you exempt from being a misogynist. they still live as a guy, they present as a guy still, they introduce themselves and he/him and in no way are they affected by misogyny in the same way i am or even other trans women are and yet they deny the ways in which they treat me like men do. i have experienced poor treatment from men my whole life im not stupid. i can tell when you’re negging me or mansplaining or trying to be condescending. i know misogyny better than you ever will just based on experience. 

its convenient that im suddenly nonbinary when you want to dismiss my experiences as a girl but im a girl any other time i get upset with you for misgendering me. get over it. you look like a girl. you’ll always be a girl. you have literally also been socialized as a man. so yes you’re as guilty as the rest of them especially when you say stuff like “women amirite” to describe a woman who rejected you. you had to find a reason not to like her because she would never want you. she was perfect to you at one point, you loved talking to her. but then she got a boyfriend and he treated her poorly and as most sad orbiters do, they get bitter and offended because they treat the girl sooo much better and get nothing in return. maybe they dont want sex (but honestly i think they just feel shame in their sexuality. you’re not better than a regular nice guy incel because you dont desire sex. and you do. youre a pig.) but even then they still want their affection and validation. and they’ll never get that because they’re pathetic with nothing to offer. fuck you edgar. you hate women and try to get out of it with your transness. you’ve abused me in the same way every other man has but you want to tell me its different even when you’re the worst of them all. 

men dont care that im nonbinary. they see a feminine presenting person with a vagina. they see a girl and so they’ll treat me like a girl. dont act like youre above them when you constantly misgender me. i never viewed you as a boy after you came out to me. but you still acted like one in the way you were misogynistic. you were no different from the rest of them. you’d make fun of them and then ironically mimic them but then you just became them. 

[cheezybiouwiou]

archived from that secret q account.

ghosty boiyou are my world, and no matter how shitty the world gets i can't imagine one without youJuly 14, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boiyou are a part of me, and i know whatever happens, you always will beJuly 14, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boii love you, but the more we're apart and the less i see you, the more i remember all the painJuly 14, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boiwhatever you say, what your family does, it affects me, and when im with you it will always be like that. i dont know if i can cope, and im breaking inside because i love you, but i know you've hurt me so much and i dont know what to feelJuly 14, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boisome part of me wonders if its too late. you broke me. you hurt me so bad, and ive forgiven you so many times for things youve done that you dont even know you haveJuly 14, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boii cant help but feel you dont love me anymoreJuly 14, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boii cant help but feel you dont careJuly 14, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boingl it kinda hurts me that you care so much about him? i know not in a loving way, but like you caring so much about him makes me feel like you care less about me, idk maybe im just jealous and selfishJuly 14, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boii dont want to read anything on this acc bc it will just bring up old pain. nd tbh if anyone found this there would be a lot of painJune 26, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boilmao so i just found out the reason i'm suspended is bc my boyfriend ratted my mum out to his parents and my best friend ratted me out to him mum and the teachers and then my mum went ape shit and then they all pretended they didnt?May 5, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boireally fucking hurtApril 15, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boiand u have the nerve??? u cant remember me or anythin and uve been in such a bad place what since december?? thats 5 fuckin months man that ive been workin my ass off to support u nd help u get through so u dont fuckin die and this is what i get back? honestly im not mad im just really really hurtApril 15, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boiiodk now that u throwing this shit abck at me its like u blamin me? like boy u were so much worse than me already u were one of the ppl who dragged me into a darker place but i stuck w u bc i loved nd cared nd now ur saying it my fault that u cut and that ur more depressed? bitch i try fuckin hard for u man and this is what i get back? u say i dont care that u alwasy comfort me when i work my ass off to get through to u and help u, when u just then reject me anyways - and proceed to say i dont try and that you want the help?? if you want the help then fuckin accept it ive tried so hard for u man?? vbut u dont see it do uApril 15, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boiyou dont actiually want to be with me do you?March 3, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boiyou make me happy but im sad atm bc i dont wahnt you to dieeeeee nad i just want to be happy and you to be happyMarch 3, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boiyou make me so happy but i know i dont do that for you. my own insecurities mean that whenever any1 jokes abt anything i take it as real,, im insecure abt everytihng so every joke from everyone hurts me,. i care too much abt what ypu thinkMarch 3, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boii dont know do you want me??March 3, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boilitearlly no one caresFebruary 23, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boino one wants me haha!February 23, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boiha im so unwantedFebruary 23, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boiim not funn yim not smart im not useful im not talented im notmusical iumd fucjkign rpirdjbialedgesd im not a figood friend im nbot wirty i cant do anyithng im depresy wtihotutht e humoisr im eneddy im annoying i dongt get it im a fuckifng burden wso why are yioui still here whenvrber you see these things inothe rpsoelpe you hate htem gfor it wahyt fucking makles m efidferntFebruary 21, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boioyu literally dislike ebverything abtou me tyour jsut blind i dont get tiFebruary 21, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boiim evenrwyihtg you hate abtout this worldFebruary 21, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boihs ill never be fuckign fgoos enoughFebruary 21, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boiha lmao u didnt see me crying uwuFebruary 8, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boiu ran awya from meFebruary 8, 2019 ·Comment 3 · Like ghosty boihehe im terrified of losing you for a different reason now but ig it doesnt matter bc u dont wannt me anywasyuFebruary 8, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boii love you so much i just wnat to help i dont i can tlose youFebruary 2, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boihow can oyu say you dont feel and say you love me? i know you feel, you just try not toFebruary 2, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boii dont want you to hurt me but yousoFebruary 2, 2019 ·Comment 1 · Like ghosty boiyou lie to me. you dont call it lying but it isFebruary 2, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boiwonder what it's like to be okayFebruary 2, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boii can't carry this anymoreFebruary 2, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boiyin and yang, happiness always comes with sadness. if you have one you have to have the other. whats the point in feeling and living at all because even if you achieve happiness you will always have sadness. it is always htereFebruary 2, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boione day of warmth isnt worth a year of coldFebruary 2, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boihappinesss is fleetingFebruary 2, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boiwhy am i always the one who hads to repaireFebruary 1, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boii wihs oi culd he good enoguhFebruary 1, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boiic ared about you but all you do is hurt meFebruary 1, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boiyou just use me i dont understand i thought we were friendsFebruary 1, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boievent eh ppl eho care about me thinj uim worhtless, useless, dumb, stupid, weird, fucking djsfhalkdjfhreesstardsedJanuary 29, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boiwhy do you keep reminding me of my insecuriteS? i think everyone does. i shoulf tlak to you about it, but i d onnt want to make you walk on eggshelslsJanuary 29, 2019 ·Comment 1 · Like ghosty boiwer both yknow you cousdl do so m uch better htan meJanuary 29, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boii see it in your eeys, i sese the dissapointment, the 'what the fuck', youer crazy, ur weird, ur rude, ur pathetic, why can yt you be normlak, youe fake, you re not ogod enogumJanuary 29, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boiur gonna brkea up with me one dya becaues liets be real inm not oging to do it but you wilwl get sick of me you jsut put up with me atm ur blifnefd by emptions - despite that you can still see im fuvkignJanuary 29, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boiim just not finny or smart or nice or anyinthig gim jstu not good enoguh nd ikjwo i never will neJanuary 29, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boiill never be good enough icoulndt even last a dayJanuary 29, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boilmfao i m actually fucking discusintgnJanuary 29, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boii knwo im just annoying, no one realyt wants me aorundJanuary 29, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boiim getting sicjk of peoplke using meJanuary 29, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boii will never be good enough, i will never be good aerat anythingJanuary 28, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boiim fugcking sfisdudcisigng im such asuhit firend i dont know anyithng i dony care abt eanyone arenough i dont remmebe ran ythonig im never good enouhgJanuary 28, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boidespite how i present muself i dont feelsihlike a girl i jhate hit it hahtkljeshrkljsdfxklsjg bJanuary 28, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boiyou will never be able to see past being sad that im not talking, see that there may be a real reasoon, because you will be too self absorbed to even realise that im not okayJanuary 27, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boithing is though if i dont help you you you will get all sad and upset (despite ignoring me) and wont even give me the chance to give a reason why, beacuse the reason is im struggling atm as well and need support myself but youre too stubborn to get your head out of your ass and realise that i need help toJanuary 27, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boiyou always ignore me its pissing me off you just use me for when you need me and thats itJanuary 27, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boii dont think ill ever be good enoughJanuary 24, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boimonths. it took monthsJanuary 24, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boior is that just an excuse?January 24, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boiits so goddamn sad how you always pull away, but now isnt the time to mention itJanuary 24, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boii feel like you dont actally want me around idk it just hruts when you distance urself rom meJanuary 24, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boino one really truyts meJanuary 24, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boino one caresJanuary 24, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boisighsJanuary 24, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boiyou try and hel[p fuckignf ocus on yourself i want you to live ghoddamnihntJanuary 21, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boiwhats tyhe point in all this imf im judt going to lose you anyayJanuary 21, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boii want to be better, and seperately i just want them to be happy nd idc howJanuary 16, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boii never actually help lmao they were there for me yesterday when i was falling appart but i cant even help when they are sad or downJanuary 16, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boisighs now im wondering if im not good enoughJanuary 16, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boii wish i could be enough, but i know i never will be. i know its not personal and i am not upset as such by it, i can accept it. i just am upset for them because i want to someone, something to be enoughJanuary 16, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boii dont even know whats real anymore i cant tell what happened, what i thought happened, what was a dream, what i was hallucinating, what was flashbacks, what i wish had happened i cant even trust myself so how can i trust anyone elseJanuary 16, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boiim so done. im so tired with trying im so tired with everythingJanuary 16, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boiim so sadJanuary 16, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boii got down bc of ehta they did but that didnt change anythgin they got fuvkin down otooJanuary 3, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boii never helpJanuary 3, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boiim nfuckin uselessJanuary 3, 2019 ·Comment  · Like

[moonraccoon-exe]

Heeyy Rac, im gonna add some Angst Gladnis *cri* so we all know Gladio is supposedly a "Ladies Man" with this in mind I just see a Ignis getting jealous and having to see him with girl after girl, all the time and he just feels almost left out I mean after all Noct and Prompto have each other, Gladio seems happy with the way he's living, but Ignis is kind of out of the loop for being "Too up tight" or "No fun". Thoughts?

OH NOOOOOOOOOOOO

BUT WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS TO ME HGNHNGGNGMPFFF

Aw man, it’s AWESOMEand angsty and I love it aiosfdfgdgh o(TヘTo)

Mgmf, sorry for taking so long, dear anon! My inbox has been full and real life got very tough last month (last month? holyshit this has got too long in my inbox...) 

I’m so sorry. :(

I hope you’re still around and that you get to see I answered!

Awman, this scenario is so sad. One-sided love, and to make it worse, it’s a Gladnis. My poor heart, what are you doing to it? 3

Imagine all this angst during the Assassin’s Festival! Ignis sees Prom and Noct running around and having fun together, and he sees Gladio flirting with every girl he finds, so he just...stands away, alone. And he denies to be with Prom or Noct, not because he’s not interested in playing with them, and he takes the poorest excuse of wanting to spend all the night watching the people walk on the pipes, because seeing Gladio...Gladio, who he’s had a crush on for years, who he admires and adores, who Ignis may dare say he loves...going around, flirting with any moving object he sees, being all lovey dovey with al girls...

And it makes Ignis sad, you know? And he’s so sad and so down in the dumps, and he’s feeling so bad that Ignis, so selfless, doesn’t want to ruin Prompto and Noctis’ fun just for his own “pathetic, silly feelings”, so that’s why he stands there all alone...

*SOBBING*

ANON WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME  ｡･ﾟﾟ*(ﾉД`)*ﾟﾟ･｡

Imagine Ignis is not brokenhearted because he’s left alone. 

Imagine Ignis really doesn’t care about having a partner or not, he’s not sad because every of his friends have one and he doesn’t, he’s not sad because he’s very often rejected.

He’s sad simply because the only one person he really is interested in is interested in everybody but him.

Imagine the ten years of darkness.

Imagine that’s the reason both parted ways... ｡･ﾟﾟ* (ﾉД`) *ﾟﾟ･｡

As in, Gladio started having partner after partner after partner, and Ignis has to stand there and hear it and know it and be aware of it, agonizingly aware, and every time he has a new girlfriend Ignis’s heart breaks a little more, and it goes on and on until Ignis realizes this is breaking him, so he just decides to part ways with Gladio during WoR because, if he doesn’t, Ignis will end up shattering his own soul to pieces.

And he hates to part ways with Gladio because, gods, he’s in love with Gladio, and he loves his voice, and he loves his face, and his feelings, and his heart, and his passion for books, his occassional clumsiness, the way his head sometimes bumps against doorframes, and his smell, and his hair, gods, and everything about him...and parting ways is saying bye to everything, to all that, to every inch of Gladio, to all that Ignis so dearly, so sincerely, so greatly loves.

But if he doesn’t, he’ll have to stand girl after girl in Gladio’s life, his eternal reminders that he’s not them, that he can never be, that he will never be. His eternal, constant reminder that Gladio would choose anyone before him. His reminder that Ignis is so...so different to them.

Because Gladio’s always choosing fun and outgoing people. And Ignis hates it because he feels he’s the entire opposite; he’s not joking as often, he doesn’t have their sense of humor, he’s not as physically loving as them, he’s not as small, or as good looking (the gods fucking damn his scars, the gods fucking damn them, why did they have to be there and make him a horrible, hideous sight?), and he’s not laughing as often, he’s not...he’s not like them. He’s not like Gladio’s choices. 

So he can’t and will never be one of Gladio’s choices. 

*SLAMS FIST ON DESK*

THIS IS SO SAD AND I LOVE IT

Imagine Ignis standing there, during World of Ruin, still with Gladio despite the constant girlfriends that are always reminding him he’s “not good enough, like me, to be chosen by Gladio”, standing there after going shopping with Gladio, having to wait standing there alone because Gladio asked him “wait a minute”.

And while he’s standing there, he hears a girl laughing. Gladio’s voice. And it’s just so obvious. And it’s so painfully obvious, and Ignis feels abandoned. He feels a little betrayed, because while he knows it’s not that, it feels like Gladio’s taking advantage that he can’t see to tell him ‘wait a minute’ just to go over to a girl and flirt with her without him knowing. Except he knows. He’s blind, not deaf. He’s blind, not stupid. He’s blind, not emotionless. 

Imagine Ignis, during WoR or before or after or any time, eating lunch with Gladio. Or breakfast or dinner. And Gladio, entirely, painfully oblivious to Ignis’ feelings for him, is always telling him how his current relationship is going. The things he adores of his girlfriend, the things they do together, the jokes she’s told him lately, the pranks they’ve pulled on each other, the cakes they share, all the fun they have.

And Ignis is shattering inside. And he’s had this for so many years and he’s been so stupidly, stubbornly in love with him, and he’s still so in love with him and he hates himself for it, tries to force himself over it but can’t, and he just listens while feeling the bits of his heart falling one by one, pathetic, tiny, mistreated.

But he just smiles and nods. And smiles like he means it, and he partly does because he adores to know Gladio to be so, so happy. But he partly also doesn’t mean it, because he can’t help his own feelings. And sometimes Gladio asks him for advice.

And Ignis has to advice the man he loves on how to love somebody else. 

And Gladio sometimes hugs him as a goodbye or thanks, and Ignis hugs back, and hates to know that this is the most he will ever get from Gladio’s feelings towards him. A mere hug, and a ‘Thank you, buddy’. Buddy. Hah. 

...imagine Gladio gets maried.

And he asks Ignis to be the groomsman.

And Ignis has to stand there and give him the ring that he’s-

Holyshit, imagine. Ignis has the god fucking terrific task of being Gladio’s groomsman. And he hates the title, hates he’s not just the Groom, hates Gladio for have never given him a chance, and hates himself for accepting it with a smile. And he hates himself for not opposing to this, and hates himself for having accepted to be here, watching Gladio stare at him like he’s never going to stare at Ignis.

And then Ignis has to reach close to him to hand him the ring. And Ignis hesitates a lot, takes long not because he’s planning anything. He’s just daydreaming. He’s imagining that the bride is not there, and Gladio has been facing him all this time. He imagines that just as they are, standing in front of each other, that’s how it’s been all across the ceremony. He imagines the suit he’s wearing he’s wearing because he’s the groom, not the groomsman.

He imagines the ring he’s holding is his own. He imagines that he’s about to slip it on Gladio’s finger. 

But he, trembling, just gives it to him on the palm. And he imagines it’s him giving his ring to Gladio, and that Gladio’s accepting it. That Gladio’s accepting him. And when Gladio smiles, Ignis is not imagining that. But he does imagine the intention is different; imagines there’s more than friendship in that smile, imagines it’s Gladio smiling at him because he loves him.

But then Gladio turns around. And gives the ring to somebody else. He’s giving his vows to someone else.

And Ignis has to witness it all. 

Imagine Gladio may ask him if he’s fine, and Ignis doesn’t understand what he means until he feels he’s dropping a tear. So Ignis cleans it.

“Yes. It’s only...”

It’s only that I love you. Have always loved you. Admired you since age 15. You were my first crush. My first platonic. I grew up hoping you wouldn’t notice my feelings for you. Hit 22 hating you wouldn’t notice them. Grew up hating myself for having wished you wouldn’t notice, because the Astrals took it too far, and now we��re thirty three and thirty two and you still haven’t noticed. And I’ve tried telling you. But you’re so hapy with your own life. And you’ve always had somebody else. So, waiting for a moment to tell you, now I can’t. Not without ruining our friendship. 

It’s only I love you. It’s only that it hurts me in the core of my soul that you never, could never and will never love me the way I love you. And if it doesn’t hurt me in the heart it’s only because I’ve been breaking it so much for over fifteen years that it’s gone numb, you know? 

It’s only I love you, and you don’t know how I do. 

It’s only I love you, and you have never, and will never love me.

“...it’s only, I’m very happy for you. Finally settled down with one partner. You’ve grown very mature. I’m proud of you. And happy for you.”

And Gladio just smiles, and thanks him. Entirely, agonizingly, painfully oblivious to Ignis’ real feelings.

Like always.

Wow. 

Anon. Anon, you triggered me. I’ve got the head full of Gladnis angst on your suggestion. One-sided Gladnis is killing me and my poor feelings, and I blame you and it’s awesome 3

My thoughts on it?

IT’S FUCKING AWESOME, MY FRIEND, HHNGNHGNGGG

Thank you so much for sharing it with me, holy AStrals, ashoidfhg aaah!!! I feel so lucky to receive stuff like this, I adore your people’s creations and stories and scenarios. 

This one is MMFMGNNFFFFF

SO GOOD

ANON THE ASTRALS BLESS YOU I’M LOVING THIS SCENARIO SO MUCH WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO ME NNNNGGGGGGGYYYAAAAAA

*EXPLODES*

UNGH.

THANK YOU SO MUCH, ANON

I do really really really hope you see I answered because YOUR ENTRY IS SO GOOD it’d be awful if you never see I answered because I AM LOVING IT AAH

If you can give me a sign somewhere, or another anon entry, so I can know you saw it, that’d be WONDERFUL, hngngng 

Ohmyastrals, I’m gonna go curl up in a corner because the ANGST, it’s killing me and I’m loving it so much o(╥﹏╥)o

[kokeggy]

my brain is filled with ouma and i cant stop it

i totally forgot the time man, its almost been 2 months since i played the game and it totally didnt feel like that at all

i still can recall a ton of things fluidly and as for now i dont see a particular reason to replay the game (other than wanting to get to know ouma better) 

but oumas character is just.. so tragic. i cant even begin to explain the depth of his character, it would be pages long and im way too lazy for that. ill always just write mental drafts and let myself feel when it comes to ouma

ill a cut here since its already a bit long rn lmao

and i think ouma is a character who is deeply troubled by his insecurities/possible mental illnesses (such as bpd or servere depression) in a way that these insecurities are his most memorable characteristics. that is absolutely sad and tragic

furthermore since the moment i started to play this game i always thought it was suspicious that ouma claimed he hated liars even tho he was one himself. sure that couldve been one of his lies, but my intention rlly didnt like this idea so i thought he was actually speaking the truth. i realized today that ouma was hinting at shuichi that he hated this persona that he had to create for the sake of this game

but i do agree that i sometimes tend to overthink ouma lmao while is incredibly intelligent, he couldnt have figured everything out, plus his trust issues and paranoia were in the way of looking into every possible situation. yet i somehow believed that he did a lot of stuff while being completely aware of their consequences - but thats not possible. ouma is not a superhuman who can figure out what happens to the world in [insert year]. hes a character with deep flaws which balances his cunning behavior 

to his actual personality, i might seem like the most biased person in the world but i truly believe that ouma didnt want to harm anyone. its just that the killing game... happened lol

as far as i can self-insert, i do believe if i happen to be in a killing game i would be quite similar about it. minus the creating a fake persona thing for me its absolutely impossible to trust 15 people whom i just met that they wouldnt kill me under stress. you know, if you activate the right buttons on someone, they can work how you want them to. and this is what feared ouma (rightly so)

anyways i take the anthologies as canon material since theyre approved and licensed by spike chunsoft, and we obviously see that ouma is nowhere near as antagonistic as he was in the game. although, i only have read the first anthology (also while we are at it, i cant wait to buy the thjree v3 anthologies even without knowing japanese, lulz)

but we also see his character actually getting darker and darker with each chapter, with chapter 4 probably taking the point. esp on when it ended. at first i was kind of conflicted about his oversentimal reaction towards gonta being executed, because that felt just as fake as his overly evil presentation afterwards. altho after some time thinking abt this, i came to the conclusion that he just leaked a little bit of his juicy true self(tm), realized that what he meant was actually genuine and then proceed to vent his emotions in making him seem like the most villainous person u ever met. because i think one of the reasons ouma acted out like is because he believed he was at fault for gontas death. so instead of trying to sweet talk yourself, he just took the oppurtunity to make him the least likeable person. cuz who would ever want to like someone who jokes about genuinely being concered about someone dying? yeah no one dude

also i think ouma is ironically a bit well-mannered (yeah guis im not joking here). ..  .if we ignore all his stupid pranks.. so you see, whenever i got rejected after dates with ouma in salmon mode.. it went like this for example “eeh, wow you are going to the libary with me and now you want to leave? that hella rude man, why am i wasting my time like this” or “wow you really must think highly of yourself if you think you are worth changing for, how arrogant”  which looks like he knows what is appropriate and what not

i remember what he said that and i suddenly went like “shit i cant believe im hearing this from you man” which was kinda funny as a side note btw

anyways, to his motive video. oh shit, his motive video . . . even without having known how messed up the translation was, that damaged me.-.. i mean i always thought that ouma exaggerated the size of his organization, at some poiint i just thought that his entire organization was a lie and his tru talent was the ultimate liar. which obsly wasnt the case lmao 

but his motive video.. just wanting to prank ppl for laughs and entertainment. its so light hearted compared to what he claimed it to be that it hurts another thing that i think is worth noting is that DICE was his motive video, not his family. DICE, who is like family. but not his actual family. what does that mean? does that mean that his actual family wasnt like family to ouma? i sure as hell thought so and i still do 

a different thing is that ouma said that nobody would care about him dying and that his organization would be better off without him, plus that it seems that monokuma said that ouma knows what happened to DICE in the motive video which leads me to.. uhh.. what if ouma did something he absolutely regretted doing (since it caused DICE trouble?) - but im not entire set on that theory

its also sad that he constantly had to hint about hiimself instead of just talking abt it to shuichi. like, he wanted shuichi to help him or actually even hinder him at carrying out his plan, he low key hoped for it because shuichi is a detective which showed to be shrewd enough to be able to make proper deductoins in class trials, furthermore he isnt a dick towards ouma and actually respects him in a way. something that ouma most likely didnt calculate

which mades the statement that shuichi said in the end of chapter 4 even more painful. shuichi was the only person that ouma kind of trusted and relied on. and prob the only one he wanted to show his true self to, that very person told him hes 5 ever alone with no friends at all. that hes a pathetic little brat who should start to view the world differently (def not what shuichi said 1:1 but.. yeah idk my own interpretation) 

im pretty sure that hurt ouma a lot 

hnnng, i truly wished for ouma to be one of the survivors. altho i figured that hes gonna plot something absolutely mind blowing in chapter 5, i seriously couldnt believe that he was actually dead... well, not until the closing argument. as soon as there were the words “closing argument” all over my screen i began to cry like an idiot. i couldnt even read properly man, thats just how blurry my vision was from all the tears

in other hand: i was (and still am lol) extremely attached to ouma and his death was very unsatisfying, since he died quite heroic but nobody considered him so. also he never made up with these ppl. also fuck kodaka

[tamiddyinyourcity]

I think i just hate being alive right now? i cant really think of too many other reasons for things i did, other than feeling helpless in life, and otherwise recklessness leads to feeling like at least i have some sort of significant ability to change things in my life when no other methods work.

Did communication in the calmest way possible work? No.

Did communicating in a more stern and blunt way work? No.

Did i repeat the first step? Yes.

Did it work? No.

How about the second? Still a no.

Did i call them a derogatory remark and go crazy and go stupid yet? No.

Oh, better try that and see if it works.

And itll either eject aint shit people out my life.

Or make them see the light.

So therefore, that happened.

......

He was fine. He was okay. We know this. I dont even need to look at his pages to know that hes fine. He's got lots of friends, and plenty of outlets for stress.

.....is he, though?

I dunno. I assume hes keeping busy, he does have Chris, and his friends in santa cruz. I dont have the slightest idea of shit he could be doing. My guess is coffee, organizing legos, watching videos of singing kermit, listening to npr, jerking off, and pornhub.

And walking his dog... i miss his dog. Scully. :/

But what am I doing, in the meantime?:

Staying in bed and refusing to sleep unless its from 4:45am to 4pm

Eating junk food before going back to sleep again

Fainting in the shower multiple times

Building self esteem up

Rejecting men who arent worth my time

Sleeping

Still trying to find ways to justify my actions during the breakup without inherently justifying or excusing abuse or relationship violence (hitting is bad, and being a gaslighting cunt in a relationship is also bad, but i mean, one is a crime and the other is something that wouldve lead to long term emotional abuse if things continued.... neither are great, and long story short hes pathetic)

What isnt pathetic over him dodging basic responsibilities? His whole identity is pathetic. Why else did his only other girlfriend before me only last 3 months and never get anywhere?

I think my intense irritation at the time i explained how his actions after our first breakup were inherently pathetic, was that he said "well, i dont think i was pathetic!", and i kinda flashbacked to any bad experience ever where someone claimed that since they saw no wrong in their actions, it wasnt wrong.... replace "pathetic" with "a creep", "r*pist", "toxic", "gross", or "abusive', and boom, youve got a list of reasons why I hate men deflecting what theyre told.... and continuing their shitheadedness, thanks to their own shitty pride.

(Like continuing to ignore lack of consent, harrass me, physically harm me... you name it! Yeah, trauma!)

But seriously, what isnt pathetic about "im not gonna tell you why she doesnt like you, even if it could lead to a resolution! and then im gonna swear that she doesnt like you, despite blatantly telling you im hiding her reasons for hating you ten seconds ago!'?

That screams "sometimes natural selection should come back and wipe out weak niggas like this one".

Since he's wack as fuck.

I still kinda hate ever dating this man. He was a living headache. Always having to say "that was a joke, dont worry about it", since even subtle passing humor would make him turn into Plato and question the sensicalness of a sarcastic joke, and take it too damn literal. Kissing always resulted in everywhere around my mouth being coated in spit.

Just headache after headache. So annoying.

But, on the bright side, i threw mcdonalds sprite in his face, and moved on.

That's all I really can do.

Since if I can't take back the bomb ass paintings, buttons, artwork, memories, or pussy that he had kept while not fully appreciating.....

Then, a half flat soda tossed onto his lap and face wasn't gonna kill him.

I worried that it would, in the sense of suicide, and felt extremely sick afterwards. But im sure hes fine.

And...

Kind of felt helpless after so long.

I was super hopeful about our relationship working out. Even the night that it happened, i did still wanna see him.

But its just not in the stars for us, bro. People sometimes are shit; and theres nothing to really do about it.

Hell, I used to be head over heels for Patrick #1. And he ended up being the exact same arrogant dipshit from the day I met him. Since no matter how well a person seems theyve grown, they'll stay the same as the first day i meet them, and i fucking hate that itll never be more than that.

I just hate getting my hopes up for things.

God.

:/

[dipifica]

10 Things AU Chapter 2!

hi all! i know this story hasn’t been touched for quite some time (to you guys at least, i privately updated every once and a while) but i figured i would get chapter 2 out of the ten things i hate about you au (still not named). if im being completely honest, writing this story is fun but editing is not and im 100% lazy. i have general direction with this one since it’s based off something that already exists but still things are pretty up in the air. i know i’ll have to do chapters were wenbel and dippica actually start to like each other but figuring out the scenes is the hard part. i know how they all feel and what conversations need to be had, but setting it up in a fun way has been a bit troubling. because i know myself and know my processes i thought id release what i have of chapter 2. i received a very nice message about this story which sparked this idea so thank you @blue--winter ! if you read this all thanks and i would adore any feedback!

tl;dr: unfinished story, things subject to change, i’m lazy, read the story under read more

“Alright, kid,” the older man cleared his throat loudly. “You’ll be manning the gift shop while I take these bozos on tours. Just take people’s money and sell everything you can. Real simple stuff.” He coughed again as Wendy wondered about his age. 

“Okay, Stan.” She replied. She was used to working retail, she had been hired and fired from around five different stores and a low key, run down gift shop sounded like the perfect part time job for her. “Just leave it to me.”

“You can call me Mr. Pines.” He muttered as he walked away. “Some of your co-workers will probably be around today, so don’t waste your time trying to sell to them.” He grabbed his 8-ball cane from the wall, took a breath, and open the door. “Ladies and Gentlemen, are you ready for the weirdest, creepiest, most jaw-dropping-eat experience of your pathetic lives!” Wendy could hear cheers before the door shut completely. She respected her new boss a little bit more for his stunning performance. 

She leaned back in her chair and kicked her feet up and scrolled through her phone. She read back her messages from Gideon from last night.

Gideon Gleeful: it seems pacifica’s attempt with dipper didn’t go so well….

Wendy Corduroy: what! why! did she say something to you?

Gideon Gleeful: the fact she didn’t say anything is telling enough, when i tried to ask she told me to ‘buzz off.’ she gets even more stereotypical mean girl when she's pissed

Wendy Corduroy: are we sure dipper isn’t gay? sorry but who WOULDN’T accept pacifica’s advances?

Gideon Gleeful: we’re sure. i wouldn’t, she’s an asshole. dipper probably thinks the same thing. we just have to make him see she’s not an asshole. 

Wendy Corduroy: but she is an asshole

Gideon Gleeful: she’s gonna have to be a good actor. i’m adding her into this message.

Gideon Gleeful added Pacifica Northwest

Pacifica Northwest: ugh. i don’t have any updates losers. 

Pacifica Northwest: you idiots know i can read the past messages right? fuck off, i’m not an asshole

Gideon Gleeful: it’s why we loooooove you paz!!

Pacifica Northwest: you make me want to vomit gleeful

Wendy Corduroy: wanna tell us how it went yesterday?

Pacifica Northwest: well, you figured it out already. it went not well. he snubbed me, the stupid dork. he’s too preoccupied with his dumb mystery stuff to even give a girl attention, i think we need to call it off.

Gideon Gleeful: that’s just what you want 

Pacifica Northwest: well, yeah.

Wendy Corduroy: is there any reason he would reject you? 

Pacifica Northwest: he’s always been like this, in his own world and shit

Gideon Gleeful: wait, what?

Wendy Corduroy: pacifica, do you and dipper have a past or something?

Pacifica Northwest: uh, no? i just have been in school with the pines for my entire high school career so i know things about them, and other people for that matter. its a small school, i don't need a “past” with anybody to know basic knowledge about someone.

Pacifica Northwest: you guys figure out what you want to do. i’m going to bed.

Pacifica Northwest has left the group message

Wendy Corduroy: that was weird

Gideon Gleeful: it was….interesting…

A loud slam hit the counter next to Wendy’s feet and she suddenly jerked up, face to face with someone she was certainly not expecting.

“Hi! Wendy, right?” Mabel Pines beamed from across the counter. “I’m sorry if I scared you with the boxes.” She did a similar little giggle to the one she had during their first encounter, making Wendy’s heart dance. 

“Mabel, hi.” She tried to play it her usual cool self and it helped her calm down. “Not that it isn’t great to see you, but what are you doing here? Looking for some “Magic Frog Eyeballs?” She read the container full of obviously plastic eyeballs next to her.

Mabel laughed again. “No, silly, I’m dropping off the new shirts for the Shack. That’s what’s in the boxes.” 

“Oh, do you work at the manufacture’s shop or something?”

“I work here, you didn’t know?” Mabel questioned. “Well, the Mystery Shack is family owned! My great-uncle Stan, Dipper, and I work here together. And our handyman, Soos, he’s basically one of the family too.”  

Wendy’s face burned bright red. She was her co-worker. Not only that, but her family owned her place of work. Fate either loved her or hated her. “Wow,” Wendy mustered a cool chuckle. “I gotta say, I’m embarrassed that I had no idea.”

Mabel gave another bright smile. “Oh don’t be! It’s not like the Mystery Shack is a huge sight for new-comers like yourself. I don’t think I would have known about it if my family wasn’t involved.” Mabel’s face turned a bit colder. “Besides, it’s more a curse than a blessing to be associated with this place.”

“Because of your brother?” Wendy put a hand over her mouth just after the sentence was uttered. “I-I’m sorry I didn’t mean it like-“

Mabel smiled again, only slightly and Wendy worried if she had just ruined her chances. Along with the fact she didn’t want to insult such a nice girl. “No, it’s fine. People talk and it seems like Dipper is usually the name in everyone’s mouths. I’m used to it.” Mabel pulled herself up from leaning on the counter. “I should go, I’m meeting up with some friends.” She began to turn away and Wendy felt utterly terrible. “Oh, Wendy?” She faced her again. “Can I ask you a favor?”

“Sure.” 

“Please don’t believe everything everyone says about my brother.” Mabel said with pleading eyes. “He’s…my best friend. He’s a really sweet, good guy, he’s just passionate about…weird stuff. It breaks my heart people think he’s not good. I really want things to turn around for him.”

Wendy saw the pain Mabel endured whenever someone degraded Dipper in that moment. The pain of seeing a loved one suffer and not being able to help. “I won’t. If you say he’s a good guy, I believe you.”

Mabel smiled gently at Wendy. “Thank you.” Mabel laughed loudly, seemingly turning around her mood. “Wow, I’m sorry for getting so serious like that, and we just met, you probably think I’m such a weirdo. I guess I feel like I can trust you already, Wendy.” 

Wendy blushed slightly and, for what felt like the hundredth time in this short meeting, tried to keep her cool. “You love your brother, nothing weird about that. I sure as hell know I love mine.” 

“You are too cool, Wendy.” Mabel parted with this and seemed to flow out the door. 

Wendy sighed and watched the door lovingly and thought about how whipped she was already. 

“Uh, hi?” A voice said from the other side of the counter.

Wendy recognized the boy as the Dipper Pines. The vital piece to her plan to get her girl. She felt like this already knew him, having talked about him so much in her few days here, but realized they had never been formally introduced.

“Oh, I’m sorry. Hi.” Wendy greeted. “You’re Dipper, right? I’m Wendy. I’m your new cashier.”

The two shook hands. “Yeah, Stan told me something about a new employee. I’m surprised someone even applied.”

“Well, to be honest, I’m not really one for hard work. This seemed easy.” Wendy admitted.

Dipper smiled and Wendy thought about how much he really did look like Mabel. “You chose the right job. Not many people roll through here. Trust me, I’m usually the one in your chair.”

“Oh, your sister doesn’t work much?” 

“She’s more social than I am. Parties and friends and all that.” Dipper trailed off. “Besides, I guess you can say I’m more into the whole idea behind the Mystery Shack. But you knew that already, didn’t you?”

“I…uh…” Wendy stuttered, Dipper was more upfront than she thought he would be.

He chuckled. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.” He rubbed the back of his head. “I’m aware what people say about me. I figured it would have gotten around to even a new kid like you.” 

Wendy considered lying to him, saying she didn’t hear anything, but remembered Mabel could tell him at any point about their conversation from just moments ago. “I…have heard some things, yeah.” Dipper nodded. “But, uh, I don’t believe what everyone is saying. I know this is our first conversation but you have a sister like Mabel so I’m sure your just as good.” 

Dipper remained silent for a moment and smiled again. “Well, I don’t know about just as good, but I appreciate you saying so.”

Just then, the door to the gift shop swung open revealing a familiar face to both Dipper and Wendy. “Helloooooooo, Mystery Shack!” Gideon greeted.

“Ugh.” Dipper mumbled. 

“Gideon.” Wendy simply stated. “What are you doing here?”

“Came to see my favorite cashier at my favorite creepy, weird, and totally fake gift shop. Really, Pines, tell your uncle to step the game up.” 

“At least we have a shop, you failed psychic.” Dipper rolled his eyes. 

“We don’t talk about that Pines. Besides, I was like nine, let it go.” He glared. “So how goes….things, Wendy?” Gideon eyed Dipper.

“Wendy, you don’t have to humor this idiot.” Dipper said. “Is she your new object of affection after failed Mabel attempts?”

“Wendy’s gay and we’re friends, try again.” Gideon snapped.

“You two are friends?” Dipper turned to face Wendy.

“He showed me around school my first day. He’s a little weird, but I’m having fun with it.” Wendy shrugged.

“A little weird?” Gideon repeated.

“You are really something.” Dipper told Wendy. “Well, I guess it’s good you aren’t so affected by high school gossip. Even when you should be.” Dipper’s eyes darted to Gideon.

“Look who’s talking, Mr. I’ve-been-suspended-three-times-for-putting-the-entire-student-body-in-danger!” Gideon growled.

“That’s way too long of a last name!” Dipper face palmed. “I’m going, I can’t stand to be around you for more than a couple of minutes.”

“Aw, best friends forever, Dippy!” Gideon waved sarcastically. 

“Bye Wendy.” Dipper ignored Gideon and shut the door on his way out.

“I thought he would ever leave.” Gideon sighed.

“It’s his house.” Wendy remarked. “By the way, I had no idea the Pines owned this place! Ugh, I was so embarrassed when I ran into Mabel today.”

“How’d it go?”

Wendy thought back to the time. “Not as bad as you would think. I think she at least likes me as a person.” 

“Well, it’s not you and Mabel we have to worry about anyway, it’s-“

“Me and Dipper.” A voice called from the door.

“You’re late, Northwest.” Gideon checked his watch.

“I’m a busy girl, and I had to make sure no one saw me come in here. I almost got caught by Dipper on his way out.” She slumped down in a stool next to Wendy. “Why did you call me here?”

“I’m wondering the same thing.” Wendy stated, she did enjoy the distraction from the otherwise boredom of work.

“Because it seems fairly obvious we need to have a more of a concrete plan set here. Pacifica,” Gideon turned to her. “You don’t have to tell us shit but you do need to do seduce Dipper, in any way possible. I think you need to apologize to him, since it seems like you did something to him.” 

“You guys didn’t say anything about apolo-apologi- I can’t even say it!” Pacifica crossed her arms. She didn’t feel the need to inform them of her previous half-assed apology to him.

“What did you expect? He was still going to fall for you after you did something bad to him?”

“Uh, yeah? It’s happened plenty of times before.” She flipped her hair.

“This is Dipper. You are gonna need to show him you can be sweet. Even though you aren’t.”

“Hey!” Pacifica yelled. 

“He’s not going to fall for the real you. So he will have to fall for the fake you.” Gideon stated simply. “Fake Pacifica is the opposite of real Pacifica.”

“So, ugly and boring?” 

“I was thinking more nerdy and nice. Just…be interested in his weird habits, leave Mabel alone, and laugh at his dumb jokes. And apologize.” Gideon demanded. Wendy was surprised at how much her new friend took charge. “And you,” Wendy suddenly found herself the target. “Be prepared to ask Mabel out at any moment. Dipper’s unpredictable and we can’t have some other girl or guy showing you up when the news hits Mabel is able to date.”

“Is she that sought after?” Wendy asked.

“You fell for her with one glance and you aren’t exactly special.” Pacifica piped up. “As weird as Mabel can be, she's cute and nice to everyone, so people are naturally drawn to her. Don’t ask me why, I don’t fucking get it.”

“Unlike you who gets their suitors by being cold and demeaning.” Gideon replied.

“It’s not my fault guys love the chase.” Pacifica smirked. “Are we done here?”

“Do you have a plan for getting Dipper?” Gideon questioned. “It’s hard to trust you. No offense.”

Pacifica rolled her eyes and groaned. “Gleeful, I’m pretty and not dumb okay? I know how to make a dweeb fall in love with me. Of course I have a plan.” Pacifica picked up her purse and stood up. “I have some shopping to get to now. Meeting adjured.”

“You can’t call meeting adjured when I called the meeting-hey!” Gideon shouted. “Are you at least going to tell us your plan!” 

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“Northwest secret, sorry!” Pacifica chuckled, shutting the door.

[btsxlami]

📢LISTEN 📢 UP📢 ARMYS📢 HERE ARE 23 UNDERRATED ¿!MORE!¿ RAP MONSTER TRACKS THAT YOU SHOULD ABSOLUTELY TOTALLY POSITIVELY SHOULD CHECK OUT by @btsxlami

Hey guys its your favourite Namjoon promoter here again a.k.a LAMI! My last post got a lot of notes so whoop whoop and included my personal favourite 23 Namjoon tracks which you can find here

Part 2 of my underrated Namjoon series.

Here are 23 more bc damn Namjoon has a lot of fcking songs!

Disclaimers: (HOLD UP IF THIS IS YOUR FIRST TIME SEEING THIS I SUGGEST YOU SEE PART ONE)

1. i will include tracks that Namjoon covered

2. I will include tracks that Namjoon featured in

3. I will include tracks that I personally feel the need to be well known *so no I won’t put expensive girl even tho thats my shit*

4. This list will be a bit more laid back since I covered a lot of the most important songs in the last list sooo

5. since i covered his best and most “important” tracks in the last list theres not many left but ill probably include his REALLY early like pre debut fetus tracks with his underground rapper friends, tbh I personally don’t think they are the best but you can definitely see how he grew and where he started from

6. enjoY! and reblog kekeke

7. THIS IS A LONG ASS LIST AND I FUCKING ANALYZED EACH SONG SO I EXPECT YALL TO READ AND APPRECIATE NAMJOON GODDAMIT

8. you can always go to BTS’s official soundcloud for unofficial official tracks yeet

9. titles with stars are ones i recommend ( i should of done this for part one yikes)

1. Voices by Rap Monster ⭐

from his first 2015 mixtape RM > Check out the full album here >>  X  *you can refer to more mixtape songs in my previous list

I feel as if this song is the closest a fan can get with Kim Namjoon. Just listening to it you feel a bit relaxed and almost a bit sad when you start listening to the first half of the song. This song reflects a person’s tender emotions and voices that run inside of someone’s head when they are confused. I remember listening to this 2 years ago and towards the end Namjoon starts screaming out all his pain and I started crying. C R Y I N G

Namjoon had a really smooth life up until he started pursuing hip hop. He was a beyond smart student and had a happy family so why the hell would he be depressed? He had his whole life ahead of him right?

But this lyrics totally breaks that facade down

 “ I didn’t have any dreams just like my lyrics, every day in that way the functions and equations that couldn’t give me an answer in the end those things became uncountable injuries “

Despite having such amazing grades Namjoon did not know what the hell he wanted to do with his life, he didnt want to go into something academic despite being good at it, he was lost in life and his academics could not make him happy but instead hurt him even more.

“ thought I could catch the mirage known as happiness but the me in front of my desk wasn’t happy even for a moment without my mom knowing, I put a sheet of white paper between the pages of my workbook “

This verse totally broke me apart. He wanted to be happy while being in school but school sure as hell did not make him happy. His parents looked up to him as some smartass freak but without them knowing he started writing his own lyrics to cope with his hardships.

“my identity that I wrote down matched to the drum and bass a different, relaxed feeling compared to when I got my report card even when I was #1 my heart couldn’t relax”

The music brought out his true inner feelings, music brought out his true personality rather than when he was almost robot like studying with no self-identity. Despite being number one in class he still felt an emptiness that only music could fill.

“even as 7 years passed... still making my mixtape by myself in one corner of my room some say I’m fake, okay, I admit it, my dark past I can justify it, but I won’t, so that kind of problem won’t happen again the pedal that I stepped on for 7 years has finally been oiled “

Namjoon has been writing music and tried to get recognition for 7 years, despite Bangtan getting fame he is still lonely writing his own mixtape in a dark corner, kind of pathetic ehh idk, in his mixtape interview his dark past was his problematic sayings and actions. He felt the need to appropriate culture in order to rap. He then figured out that music and culture had nothing to do with eachother, music is for everyone. *I’m fake*

And finally after all the hardships after 7 years he is finally started to receive praise and attention!

2. WE ARE BULLETPROOF PT.1 by: Rap Monster, Supreme Boi, and Iron ⭐

Composed 6-7 years ago when Namjoonie was about 15 or 16 THIS SONG IS FUCKING BOP. 

2 of Bangtans were also first members are featured here: Supreme boi (yall probably familiar with him) and Iron! (i hope iron never affiliates with Bangtan ever again tho we dont need a criminal around them yikes)

3. Hook by Supreme Boi, Iron, and Namjoon (also the track used in Yoongi’s all i do is win)

Extremely old and pre debut, but old is gold

Probably one of Namjoon’s only ‘diss’ song, he usually doesnt diss others while he raps tbvh

4. Seventeen by Rap monster

I FEEL LIKE I SHOULDNT MAKE FUN OF HIM BC 15 YEAR OLD NAMJOON AT THE TIME WAS PROBABLY REALLY PROUD BACK THEN BUT HE LOOKED SO FUCKING FUNNY BC DAMN THAT HAIR AND HIS VOICE SOUNDS LIKE A CHIPMUNK BUTHUSDHUFUFSUD

5. SKOOL OF TEARS By: Rap Monster, Suga, and Jin ⭐

Absoloute MASTERPIECE! FIRST OF ALL THE ORIGINAL TRACK IS FROM SWIMMING POOLS BY KENDRICK LAMAR AND I LOVE KENDRICK! SECOND, THE RAP FLOW SOUNDS AMAZING NAMJOON IS GOING SO HARD AND DAMN YOONGI BACK AT IT AGAIN! ALSO CREDS FOR BABY BOY JIN FOR SOUNDING SO BADASS HERE BUT HERE IS WHY I LOVE THIS SONG!

I think its absolutely amazing how Namjoon especially writes song towards youth suffering in school, it takes a lot of guts to write against a society that has been around for decades. 

“  This is a ring called a classroom This is a stadium with no referee only an audience You know there will never be a victor everyone will lose There will be no victor everyone will lose”

“ That’s right, in the end school is like another mini society A jungle made carelessly by adults They made the weaklings weak, they made the strong powerful Of course since they were strong they made the weak suffer A society built on the teachings that friends are only for pretend The morals of adults made us step on the weak to rise to the top “

Its clear to see that Namjoon has suffered in school but also isnt afraid to address the truth.

6. Expensive girl by Rap Monster 

( I FUCKING DISCOVERED THIS SONG WHEN I WAS LIKE 11-12 AND I NEVER WANTED TO PUT THIS HEAR BUT YALL LIKE FOUGHT ME TO ADD THIS TO THE LIST GODDAMIT I HATE YALL I GOT LIKE HATE MAN OKAY)

“Take it off now girl just take it off (I’m a master, baby with your bra)Take it off now girl just take it off (I can help you slide those panties off)(..I’m a beat that pussy like you never ever felt before)x2″

7. Converse High (original version SUNG by Rap Monster)⭐

Yall probably heard Bangtan’s Converse High but here was the original version written by Namjoon that was rejected bc of the swearing omg damn joonie, BUT HE SINGS SO BEAUTIFUL IN THIS YESS

(funny story in seventh grade when this came out it was the last day of school and i requested my teacher to stay after school late so i could finish listening to the whole thing)

8. Suicide by Rap Monster

Rapmon wrote this mixtape in the point of view of a baby in his mother’s tummy. The baby’s parents are high school kids who are forced to go through abortion.

*this song was deleted bc of copyright and also the source of it is unknown but hey ITS IN ENGLISH AND DAMN NAMJOON RIGHTS DEEP SHIT*

(tf is namjoon doing u good)

9. What am I to you by Rap Monster from the 2014 Dark & wILD ⭐

if you DONT KNOW THIS SONG I SUGGEST YOU RETHINK YOUR LIFE DECISIONS BC LOWKEY HANDS DOWN ONE OF THE BEST INTRO’S TO A OFFICIAL BTS ALBUM (gif is from the live ver of this song and he started crying ok)

So Namjoon used to have a girlfriend who “mistreated” him. Tbvh we really don’t know what happened but on problematic men he said it wasnt anything serious it was just she would neglect him and not spend enough time but also hang out with other men.

(gif aint mine so gif blogs dont come at me)

But clearly the lyrics of this song are very emotional but the real reason why this song is a masterpiece is because of the rise of  emotions.

It starts off slow and cute, Namjoon mentions how he loves the girl and how their love is pure and innocent, throwing cute love phrases and the song sounds so soft, hopeful, and romantic. But in the middle the music starts to get more serious and Namjoon starts to question the relationship. He feels as if the girl thinks of this relationship as more of a task and a job, and slowly as the song comes to an end NAMJOON STARTS FUCKING SCREAMING AND BELTING! ALL THE EMOTIONS BUILD UP AND HE STARTS SCREAMING “WHAT AM I TO YOU GIRL WHAT AM I TO YOU I DO LOVE YOU CRAZY UH DO YOU” LIKE IT WAS SCARY I WAS CRYING IM LIKE NAMJOON WHO TF HURT YOU

10. Always by Rap Monster ⭐

This song is more recent and farely well known but I still felt the need to put this masterpiece here. Namjoon said not to worry about him as the lyrics are really sad and almost ???SUICIDAL??? but he said he wrote this when he was stressed last year. Its kind of a self questioning song about life and your purpose. I cried when it came out. well i always cry when i listen to namjoon is it a surprise.

I'm honestly in tears because this song goes to show how hurt Namjoon still is even after all these years. Even after all these awards, fans, and accomplishments. Depression still hurts after a long time. I can tell that this song was talking about his past. This song literally made me realize Namjoon was questioning his existence and I wanna hold him so badly. Guys...we could of lost Kim Namjoon. My absolute favourite human being in the entire world who saved my life. He is a human being who does not deserve such pain but I am so proud he endured it so well and look how far he came. One of my favourite verses "I live for the sake of understanding this world, but why hasnt the world tried to understand me atleast once" Its a really vague phrase which is why I like it. WORLD could mean destiny, fate, life, even parents.  He tries so hard to accept his life, to understand his parents wishes, sacrificing his own happiness yet fate decides to only give him the worst. "Dad please listen to me" "dead dad, your dead to me," Talking about how his dad wouldn't let him rap. I remember him mentioning that his dad once told him all that education he worked hard for was for nothing and I can’t imagine how sad Namjoon felt in that moment. "I would tell god if I ever meet him, i would hold him by the collar and tell him this life is like a coffee I never ordered" A pretty sad and a bit confusing verse, maybe leading to why Namjoon eventually became an atheist. Namjoon was in so much pain he didnt want to be born. "I wished I was dead...... I wished “Someone would kill me" No Namjoon never utter such words. My joonie mini I hope you are better and hopeful now, look at how far you came, your so successful and loved, and you made your family proud. Dont ever doubt yourself and even think about death, just keep living happily and moving forward. He honestly felt lost in this point of his life and still continues to feel lost. Namjoon you have such in important role and your existence was destined. You were born for a reason. You were born to change lives. 

11.  J-Lim ft. Rap Monster & Iron - Ashes

12. TIPSY BY RAP MONSTER & SUPREME BOI

Namjoon wrote this in the beginning of his rap career when he was still trying to find where he stood as a rapper. He mentions how he isnt doing this for the fame or money and he isnt the next Nas or Tupac he just wants to rap for the love of it.

13.  Rap Monster of 방탄소년단 (BANGTAN),Supreme Boi,i11evn,Marvel.J - You can't do that

*i suggest you skip ahead to 1:30 for namjoon fire verse, shade intended*

14.  RAP MONSTER of 방탄소년단,Suprema,Marvel.J,Kyum2 - Rollin

I also recommend you to skip ahead to 2:40 BC DAMN BOY GOES HARD

But tbvh pre debut namjoon squad (supreme boi , young jeezy, iron are hella problematic and say the n word in this and still do so im like yikes im happy nam left you) “ They pissed, now rape me" bitch whet

yeah im just here for namjoons verse bye

imma mufukin balla on this mufuckin beat spit mufuckin rap on this mufuckin shit got mufuckin skill so im mufuckin phat its mufuckin trick and a mufuckin track i i bet you betta stop stopin da chatter im a rapper man, and i represent BPB im juss so greater than hoes

15. FUCK COCKROACHES BY RAP MONSTER AND ZICO *THIS IS SO FUNNY*

Zico was 15 and RapMon was 13 when they rapped this, Namjoon sounds like a chipmunk BUT ZICO SOUNDS LIKE JIMIN I STG!

16. Rap Monster- Thinking Bout you

Joonie Mini Representing Biggie smalls eyyy!

17. Glory By Rap Monster

"I'm a dick? Yeah, when you disturb me, I grow bigger" SO FUCKING DONE

*there was lowkey lowkey controversy bc he said he tore 4 hymens BUT DETECTIVE LAMI FIXED IT*

 In the beginning Namjoon says that people looked at him pitifully because he joined BTS,  the Underground rappers were disappointed with him which led the Underground rappers to leave him, which has ripped his hymen. Not 4 hymen of random girls. 4 and "I" sound the same in Korean

it's a bit weird but in this case he is talking about himself all the hate people showed has ripped his hymen symbolizing his innocence for music.

18. NAA BY RAP MONSTER

tHE ORIGINAL BEAT WAS DEUCES BY CHRIS BROWN I WAS DYING

19. REGULAR VOICE BY RAP MONSTER ⭐

A really sweet and open-minded song about Namjoon wanting a “regular girl” “Height? I don’t care. Age? I don’t mind it. When you say, “I’ll only look at you” then I’m okay. Whether your skin is light or dark it doesn’t really matter, our love is deeper than that. “

I feel as if idols are pressured to have certain ideal types and say them out in the open, Namjoon had bad influences around him *underground rappers* which also influenced his negative sayings towards certain things but he wrote this song all alone at a young age which shows that his intentions are pure, and ever since he apologized for his wrong doings you go joon.

his voice sounds like sex

20. DREAMING BY RAP MONSTER

FETUS CHUBBY WTF HAIR NAMJOON IS BACK

okay but seriously you can see that despite being young he put a lot of effort and thought into this song!

21.  RAP MONSTER of 방탄소년단 feat.김거덕 - RAP

22.  130305??  THIS TRACK IS UNTITLED BUT IT SOUNDS SO EPIC TF

23. Trouble by Rap Monster 🔞 🔞

OKAY IM BARELY AROUSED BUT THIS SHIT ACTUALLY HAD ME SOAKED IM SORRY GOD LIKE ITS SO SUGGESTIVE I STG 

HIS SEXUAL FANTASIES I STG