#i finally drew my protagonist

[reestallized]

This shitpost took so long to make and now it no longer looks like one

[lyliux]

Happy kiss ryuji day!!!

This wedding photo is the teams favourite!

[madamescarlette]

nothing like staying up aggressively late to finish a book that you don't realize till halfway through is kind of infuriating and wrong and yet you have to see the end so you can close the lid on the fury vs. the healing joy of going off to read a book and then reading it all in one sitting because it was glorious and exactly suited to what you needed to read at that moment!

[lavenderfilledcoffin]

Requesting a fluffy seb fic where we just doodle on his skin with a sharpie. Seb would definitely like the feeling of that and melts in an instant!

Also love your fics 🤌💕 You don't have to write my request if you don't want to!

stains of love

☆ lord have mercy i was extremely nervous when i was writing this because i admire your writing :sob:

•*¨*•.¸¸♪✧•*¨*•.¸¸

Recently, you had taken a liking to drawing.

If you were stuck in Hadal Blacksite, you might as well make the most of it.

As of right now, you were drawing Sebastian.

His hair was easy to draw, reminiscent of a typical 2000's anime protagonist. It was almost uncanny, but at least it looked good on him.

Well, kind of, but that was a discussion for another day.

Sebastian wouldn't mind if you gave him a little tiara, right?

You quickly looked around the room, then back to your forsaken paper.

It felt like this was a dirty secret, as if this small paper alone could cause a worldwide war.

You set the pencil down, picking up the sharpie.

Time for line art.

The more you concentrated on the paper, the more you got lost in it.

The marker glided across the paper, leaving a faint alcohol scent that you thought was nice.

It was refreshing, in a way. Even if you were used to the constant horrific smell of fish and salt.

While you finished up the drawing, Sebastian had somehow slipped right behind you without you noticing.

He peered over your shoulder to see him. With a stupid tiara.

Something clicked in your head, and you drew small cat ears and whiskers on his head.

He flicked his lure down, and the sudden light disturbed you.

All you could do was freeze up. "Hi... Sebastian...!"

His right hand wrapped around your head easily, and he applied some pressure.

"Turn around, and hand me that paper."

"Don't rip it..." You swat his hand away, shamefully picking up the paper.

With a groan, you turned around to face him, sort of.

You held up the paper, and he snatched it from your grip.

For a brief few seconds, his eyes glossed over the idiotic drawing you made of him.

You were expecting a torrent of insults, but that didn't come.

"Can you er... Do it on my tail?"

"What..."

Sebastian bit the inside of his cheek, "draw on my tail. Yes or no."

"I... Okay...? Go to your corner." He obliged, slithering to his usual corner while you picked up the marker and followed him.

While you twirled the sharpie around in your fingers, he undid the straps that were on his tail, letting them fall to the floor with a satisfying thud.

"Alright. Go on." He held his hands together, placing them neatly near the hem of his blouse.

You opened the marker, placing the cap on the end. Then, you kneeled down, letting the marker trace all sorts of shapes along his tail.

"Ah... That feels nice." His voice was slightly raspy, and he could feel himself turning into jelly beneath your touch and marker.

Sebastian allowed himself to be turned into your canvas, not just because he enjoyed the feeling, but because he wanted you to be happy.

That's contradicting, but he didn't care.

Suddenly, you stood up. "I wanna draw on your arm now." You innocently smiled up at him, and he just couldn't say no to that cute little face.

Sebastian held out his third arm, in which you looked at the clean gauze. "You finally changed the bandages, huh?"

"Kinda had to." You shrugged it off, taking a seat on his tail.

You took his arm into your hand, beginning to draw on his skin once more.

You happily hummed while drawing the minutes away.

Sebastian intently watched, absolutely melting on the inside.

“Okay, I’ve run out of room!” You looked up at him with a toothy grin, and he lifted his third arm up as best as he could.

Plenty of cats, hearts, and stars were scattered across where skin was exposed. “These actually aren’t horrible.”

“Tha—Hey! What’s that supposed to mean?” He looked away from his arm to look back at you, “oh, nothing at all.” He grinned widely, it would be unsettling if the atmosphere wasn’t so comfortable right now.

[bogleech]

been reading up on your old Silent Hill Prompts and the fanart people drew of them, and not I kind of want to see what you'd come up with if you could the later games. Like what would you do for a War Veteran or a Lonely Trucker Who's Maybe A Bit Too Into True Crime?

Okay so for people not really up on Silent Hill or my opinions on it, the second game (series-defining and still considered the all time best) established that no two people have the same Silent Hill and that the town manifests vague nightmare forms out of their memories. Despite this, most of the series kept repeating monsters designed specifically for SH2's protagonist, and modeled all other monsters loosely around how his looked. In Homecoming you play a war veteran, and it has some cool monsters honestly, but none of them feel remotely war themed. In fact they're mostly themed around sexuality, which was also already the theme for a lot of 2's monsters.

The only one that feels like "war imagery" is the Smog, but it's kind of bland. The only thing that really sticks out about it to me is that its fleshy tumors kind of look like an explosion. I think that's what I'd have run with. Creatures that look like they're exploding or even look themselves like "blasts," roiling and moving like fireballs and gas clouds but they're solid, meaty things. Maybe some with vague figures writhing inside?

Not mangled gory Hellraiser haunted house stuff but abstract impressions of destruction hastily formed from flesh, burning and dissolving everything they touch.

Environmentally, instead of the rusty look of all the other silent hills I'd made his look like everything is the inside of a military vehicle. This is the interior of a tank apparently:

So other SH games indicated your proximity to the other world by the degree of blood, rot, rust and arbitrary metal stuff, and arguably that still fits in with war, but I'd define this guy's nightmare realm by extreme claustrophobia and convoluted mechanical bits. At first perhaps just a couple more buttons and dials than you'd expect, and in odd places like the outsides of houses. When he's fully immersed in his Silent Hill it looks like that photo and all that stuff is pulsing and churning and threatening to swallow him up.

This went on longer than I thought so I'll have to think on the Lonely Trucker game a bit more.

For those who don't know though, there's an upcoming brand new Silent Hill (not the shitty Bloober remake of 2) that actually does finally test out a radically new and different visual theme and that looks VERY promising, exactly how far I always wanted the games to vary:

[averagewriter-inthedark]

Love Story 💗 | Loki Headcanon

Link to my Marvel Masterlist

Requested 📨 yes/no

Loki being in a relationship with a romance novelist would look like:

As a close friend to Tony Stark growing up with your mothers being close friends before Maria's untimely death, you were invited to most things Tony orchestrated. Parties, expos, an all that jazz. It was at an event for the Avengers that you first met Loki, brother of the Mighty Thor.

And actually, Thor was the one who introduced the two of you--despite Tony's objections--after discovering your profession and love of literature. Instantly Loki was intrigued but kept his usual demeanor of stoic and disinterest in Midgardians. Yet it diminished as you were able to keep a conversation with him, and keep it interesting, unlike the other Avengers he constantly found annoying.

Honest to God, his first impression when you revealed your profession would’ve been like, “what a naive mortal. There’s a reason what you desire of romance is mere fantasy and only found in the books you write,” and not taken your work serious compared to other literary publications.

Loki always migrated to historical fiction and the works of Shakespeare, Dante, and anything else you might find on a high schooler's summer reading list.

That opinion quickly evaporated upon the first few interactions you two had. Because you were a published author it left Loki with curiosity. Although he'd never admit it aloud, deep down he wanted to know just how your writing process worked and if the stories were inspired by real life events or something you wished to experience.

What initially was supposed to be Loki only reading your debut novel, turned into him purchasing your entire collection of works. And boy was he captivated. You're writing drew him in like a siren luring men to sea. Page after page, Loki found himself in the late hours of the night until the sun rose the next morning, nose deep into your books.

At first Loki planned to keep his enjoyment of your books secret, but then he just couldn't contain it any longer.

What surprised you, was when he started giving his feedback. Discussing his thoughts on the characters and plot. "How could she take him back after saying those things to her? Absolutely unacceptable. No matter how angry I am I'd never that to my partner." "Y/n, I really think you should give the people what they want and write a second novel to 'Seven Nights in Paris,'--In fact it should be call it something like, 'Seven Weeks in London.'

Eventually as the two of you became close and the relationship blossomed, Loki became an integral part in your writing. Both as a reviewer and a muse.

At the core the God was a romantic. The type to not only sway you with words and gestures but reaffirm your values and expectations in a partner. He listened, he communicated, goes the mile to ensure your happiness and needs are met. Whether it be taking you to a nice dinner or leaving notes with your morning coffee already made, your heart was full of love and didn't have to hear Loki say to know his was too.

Moments of your relationship with Loki paralleled in your books. You couldn't help it at times. The writer in you would get so inspired that before you knew it the love interest's dialogued mirrored words he said to you. An argument between the protagonists was awfully similar to one you two had. Poured the feelings of when you two kiss into the scenes the characters finally break the tension.

Yeah, he'd give you his famous smirk to let you know he was onto you to which you'd shrug and say, "Felt inspired." "By me, love?" "Always by you, mischief."

And so it's no surprise to Loki or anyone close to y'all when you release your anticipated novel, about a hopeless romantic writer who meets a misunderstood God from another world, on the day you two exchange vows and rings. Putting your own love story on the shelves for the world to see.

[platonic-soulmates-gencest]

for the mommy dean headcanons, i am SO convinced that sam, as a young kid, would argue/be upset with picture book stories that depict the mom doing the things that dean did for him, because those aren't mom things, they're brother things!!! obviously!!!

He absolutely did that! Especially when he's 2 to 4 years old (before kindergarten but old enough to speak a bit). Dean would find picture books in libraries or abandoned in motels and he would read them to him. But sometimes Sam would look over the pictures first while Dean was cooking or something. And he would see a cartoon character do the dishes or cook or kiss the protagonist's knee well and Sam would be convinced it's the protagonist's brother BUT THEN DEAN READS HIM THE BOOK at night and it's not a brother but a mother and Sam is furious. He's so furious sometimes he would even tear the pages apart. Or just take a marker and put a big black X on top of the text so nobody would read the wrong story.

And when this happens at first, Sam has barely began to speak, he can't articulate his thoughts well and Dean doesn't understand what is wrong with the book. He just knows that Sam hates it. He makes a mental list of all the books Sam hates and avoids them. He doesn't find out why Sam hates the books so much until he is 3 and Sam finally blurts out. "That's a Dean, not a mommy." And Dean is torn. He doesn't want Sam to get the wrong idea but he preens under the validation that he's doing a good job taking care of Sammy. He still makes an effort to explain that Mommy did those things for Dean to Sam but Sam is relentless and disagrees. Eventually Dean just lets him tear the book apart.

Sam does not remember he did this but Dean remembers. He's kept one of the picture books that Sam was mad about. Sam finds it in Dean's stuff (long after they've moved in the Bunker) and he sees the torn pages and the Xs over the texts and an awful drawing of Dean on top of the Fox's mom face.

And I'm gonna stop here because I think I can spurt an entire fic out of this concept after Sam finds this book and it would get so long 😅

Anyway thank you for the ask! I drew some serious inspiration from this and it should be added to my future fic bucket list haha

[agendergorgon]

I started out in the Worm fandom (superhero webnovel, very long) by writing a stupid fic about Worm's protagonist, bullied teen Taylor Hebert who is most famous for taking the often mocked power of insect control to such ludicrous extents that any other bug controlling villain looks positively , getting the powers of a big dumb monster from Evolve and going rawr and smash. I think it was cos it was the done thing at the time, cos I'd not written any fic before, and cos I liked Evolve. I've gone back and forth over the years but I think just smooshing Worm and another powerset you like or think might be fun to write is an over saturated market but its a market that exists. A bit after that and a few embarassing rewrites or other attempts at the same sort of thing, and one hit that I kinda just kept making after people seemed to like it, and I ended up making DADA, a parody of Worm fics in the style of the usual kind of crack fic where nonsense is substituted for plot and its more about jokes than saying much. There were a couple of jokes about trends in the wider Worm fandom but the main selling point is that Taylor's power is ill defined and never elaborated upon much, and that her costume is a papier mache version of her own face.

Like so. I fuckin love this pic, credit to Pericardium who drew this after I'd sorta given up after one arc, leaving all the notes for future chapters and where to take the story as one ugly ill put together mess of a final chapter. For the longest while, this picture was the last thing left of DADA if you clicked past that ending. And it still sorta is. This is the face of DADA. Most common thing anyone said was "Why does it look like that" or talking about how it startled them scrolling across the banner on r/wormfanfic. Peri got this down perfectly, a portrait not of Taylor Hebert but of the lumpy doll fanfic likes to make of her. I made a stupid mistake a few years down the line. I decided to keep writing DADA. Like a zombie limping back to life, or a Rob Zombie limping a franchise back to life, DADA returned with plans and aspirations and ideas for a new ending and went from a brief read it over a cup of tea fic to something that had to commit to its jokey bits, something trying to be more meta than it ought to have been and barely communicating itself well. So it died again with a new ending written out same way as it was last time, in crumbs and snippets and morsels. DADA is a curse of mine that limps back to life whenever I have a new silly idea for it. Its a world that runs on wordplay and Amelia Bodelia logic and entertains cartoonish misconceptions of how people's superpowers work. (Where notorious villain Jack Slash can project the cuts of his knives to strike from extended distances, the Jack Slash of DADA makes his knives shrink and grow to physically extend as far as he is reaching with them) Its a world where villains from my other fanfics have invaded it as a superfluous additional set of antagonists. So yeah, here's DADA, its a bit impermeable without exposure to fandom memes and it changes its mind on what it is constantly throughout, but my fiance likes it so I'm gonna keep updating it as long as I have ideas on where to take it. Taylor is dead, wormfic above all.

[asnowperson]

An essay on the theme of children-parent relationships in Hagio Moto's works by Murakami Tomohiko

For years, I avoided reading the essays that were included at the end of bunkoban volumes. Reading Japanese prose felt like a chore to me, to be honest. A too high of a hurdle. And most of the time, the contents went over my head.

That being said, since I started reading them, I've come across some pretty interesting ones. The analysis written by Murakami Tomohiko, manga critic, at the end of Mesh's vol. 3 (Hakusensha Bunko, 1994) was particularly interesting for me. So, I tried my hand at translating butchering it. The author compares the boys in Hagio's manga and their family issues. You can find it below the cut.

If anyone wants to read the original, I can send pics/scans!

Province of children 

Murakami Tomohiko  (Manga critic) 

For a child, what does it feel like to be neglected by their parents? 

Mesh is the protagonist of this story. His mother, elopes with a man when he was young. His father, doubting whether he’s Mesh’s real father or not, drives him away from himself, and places him in a boarding school in the faraway Switzerland. For 12 years of his life, he believes that his mother abandoned him, and his father hates him. It’s not hard to imagine how deep the scars such feelings left in Mesh’s heart are.  

Mesh’s mother gave him a girl’s name, “Françoise-Marie.” We do not know if she wanted to have a daughter that bad, but as Mesh was separated from his mother when he was 2, he never knew the truth. But how much of a deciding factor that name became for him, and how it kept bearing heavy on him in his later years, are beyond any doubt.

When Mesh was 12, silver locks started to appear on both sides of his blond hair. After seeing a proof of genetics at work, his father finally recognized him as his own son. But that wasn’t the salvation the he was looking for. When his father shifted the blame on Mesh’s mother’s licentious behavior  for doubting his paternity, a new wound was opened on the young boy's heart.  

“I won’t say that my mother was a saint. But for a child who lives in a dormitory... a mother something that he needs.” 

Thus, in chapter 1, "Mesh,” our protagonist runs away from his paternal home. He is picked up from the streets of Paris by Millon, a young art forger. In the final chapter, “Sure Love and  Real Death,” he is reunited with his mother, now living in her homeland of Lorraine. She is mentally instable and still running after the image of her "daughter" who never existed. Mesh is an abandoned child who hates his father so much that he wants to kill him, and who is struggling to break free from her mother’s chains. This manga chronicles his story of breaking free from his parents.  

Children discarded by their parents. Children separated from their parents. Such children fumbling their way in their quest to find their personal salvation had been recurring motif in Hagio Moto’s works before Mesh. It is also is the principal theme of this work.

If we look back, in "Bianca (ビアンカ)," she drew a girl who danced away the stress the divorce of her parents caused in a forest. In “Girl on Porch with Puppy (ポーチで少女が小犬と),” she shows us another girl who sees the world through rose-colored glasses. Grown-ups who lost their dreams point their fingers at her, and shoot her with death rays. Or take Emil Bruckhardt from “Snow Child (雪の子).”  He was taken in by his grandfather after his parents’ death, who anly accepted for taking the child in if it was a "boy." 12 years of Emil's life was spent by his side, pretending to be a boy. Young Tim from “Poor Mama (かわいそうなママ)” pushes his mother out of the window. He could no longer bear witnessing her misery, as she spent her days sitting at the window sill, gazing off in the distance, and sighing. The free-spirited and brave Eru of the Nobe family in “Red-haired Cousin (赤ッ毛のいとこ)" shows no sign that would make you think that she is an orphan.  

They were all children torn apart from their parents.They had to find somewhere to belong, and find it themselves.  

The Poe Clan has two boys who were taken away from their biological human parents and turned into vampires, destined to live until eternity. If we think about under the same light, we can say it's their story of trying their hardest to create a pseudo-family for themselves time and time again on their endless journey. The beautiful Poe instalment, "Birds’ Nest (小鳥の巣)," and works like "Heart of Thoma (トーマの心臓)" that followed it, all take place in worlds that have nothing but boys torn apart from their families. It is no coincidence that dormitories were chosen as their settings.  

Mesh was published in Shogakukan’s Petit Flower magazine between the 1980 summer issue and 1984 June issue. Mesh was preceded by "The Visitor (訪問者)" in the 1980 Spring issue.  

In "The Visitor," we follow a central character from "The Heart of Thomas," Oskar Reiser, during his childhood, before he starts to live at the dormitory. Its main theme is directly connected to that of Mesh. Young Oskar’s parents quarrel over his birth. One day, a single gunshot steals that little boy’s mother from him forever. The one who fired the shot was his father. The boy covers up for his father, and the two set out on journey with no destination. However, Oskar’s father leaves him at the school, of which the principal is an old friend of his and Oskar's real father, and leaves for Southern America alone.  

Oskar kept yearning for his father, the father who stole his mother away from him, without begrudging him. He did so, because he had nothing else in life to cling onto. As his father and mother argued about his paternity, the child lost that household as the place he belonged. Young Oskar’s only wish was to be forgiven by his parents, and to believe that he would be acknowledged as the son of that family. To make his wish come true, to beg for his father’s forgiveness, Oskar covers up for his father, the murderer of his mother, and sticks even closer to him.

Our protagonist Mesh is a direct continuation of the image of boyhood we see in  "The Visitor"s Oskar Reiser. This link continues until Hagio’s current serialization, "A Cruel God Reigns", and shapes the main plot of her stories. “Children abandoned by their parents” has been present as a principal theme since Hagio Moto's early works. The turning point which made this theme even deeper, might be just this period that connects "The Visitor" to "Mesh."

How did Mesh rationalize his mother giving him a girl’s name? He mostly introduces himself using his alias, “Mesh,” to new acquaintances, and he is very adamant about it. Those who are unaware of the circumstances are left perplexed by that name, and mistake Mesh for a girl. He seems to find that amusing deep down. He crossdresses and appears on stage, and he is approached by homosexual men. Both makes him feel uncomfortable. Yet, he doesn’t seem to have a the willpower to resist.

Actually, I have also experienced something similar. So I believe I understand how Mesh feels a little.  

When I was roughly Mesh’s age, I was a child who liked to act like a girl. In high school, I put a tablecloth on my desk in class, made flower arrangements with artificial flowers in an empty wine bottle instead of a proper vase, and listened to lectures while holding a stuffed doll. Mine was quite a free-minded school, and it was an age when all kinds of rebellious acts were "in." But still, when I think back upon it, what I did seems outrageous to me. Maybe I was just too eccentric, which is why my teachers never said anything to me.  

I was jealous of my mother’s colorful outfits. I often borrowed and wore them. Her sleek green trench coat and tank top with pink and white borders from Kamoi Youko’s underwear brand, Tunic, were my favorites. I once even made a dress for myself. I chose the fabric with my girlfriend, did the basting at her place, and she sewed it for me. She tagged along because she found it to be fun, but I’m certain that she was weirded out.  

I am still a sucker for stationary and fancy items girls would like. If I go to Sony Plaza or American Pharmacy, I am confident that I can spend half a day there. There aren’t many fathers who would go to buy picture books and plushies for their kid, but get carried out and just buy whatever they want. 

Putting it like that makes me sound like a man with perverse hobbies, but sadly, I am not such inclined. I have never felt attracted to men, and never have I ever wanted to be a woman. My interest in crossdressing had something different in it. But I am interested in feminine, rather, “girlish” things, but it only means that I am slightly different than your average, common man.  

That being said, my mother’s influence on me cannot be ignored. When I finished my dress, it was her who was the happiest and told me to wear it and take a little tour outside. During my freshman year in university, she was the one who lamented the most when I cut my hair that was reaching my butt, and made a hairpiece with my hair for me. When I was in grade school, I once trimmed my eyelashes with a pair of scissors because they were getting in the way when I was using the microscope. I remember her being frustrated to the point of bursting into tears, and getting so angry with me.  

I believe it was my mother who slowly created my very particular aesthetic sense by praising things like long eyelashes, lustrous, straight hair, a slender physique which becomes female school uniforms. All things that would be the charm points of budding young girls, and she did it at every chance. I am an only child, and have no siblings. When I was a child, my mother once asked me if I wanted to have little brothers or sisters. I told her that I would like to have an older brother, which seemed to perplex her. Maybe my mother wanted to have a daughter. She could be looking for the shadow of the daughter she never had in me.  

I don’t really know the truth of it. Maybe she just said that I looked like a girl just to express how cute her son was, without putting much thought into it. But the words she said, words I have no recollection of, very likely had a huge impact on me and awakened something deep inside my soul. My personal preferences took shape around that idea, and before I knew it, it seeped into my entire being.  

My mother was a beautician, and was often away from home on business. After she opened her own store, she was always busy with work. But that was all there was to it, and it was not like she had left me, or we were separated by death.  And it never became a reason for my parents to hurt or to oppress me. I can say that overall, I grew up in a your rather ordinary, warm household. I still started to shape my very own personality, alongside the one my parents took part in creating. Then how about a child who feels hated, or abandoned by his parents? How would he feel? To heal the wounds he got from his parents and to ail himself, would he acknowledge it all, and accept everything? Or would complete denial be his only choice? 

That's why Mesh wanted to kill his father and break free from his mother’s curse. While he wanted to be freed from his mother’s desire to have a daughter, in some corner of his mind, he was curious about what would happen if he complied. Maybe that’s what made him stand on the stage as a woman, and occasionally enjoy being photographed as one. Maybe that’s why he sometimes shut up and endured it when men treated him like a girl.  

Maybe fulfilling his mother’s wish meant securing a place in her heart for him. It might have been a self-defense mechanism — a feeling that only children abandoned by their parents know. That’s why when he faced her, and saw that his mentally ailing mother would never accept him, a boy, Mesh said: “Just what does Marché want? How can I get close to what she wants? What should I become? Marché’s dreams, and my dreams... If only I knew...” 

“A thousand pairs of scissors. Scissors that cut and mince. I could have become a flower, a bird, a daughter... I could have become anything you wanted. I could have died a thousand deaths if you wished for it.” 

We do not know the reasons why she wanted to have a daughter. No matter what they might be, accepting them as they are, that complete subordination, is an expression of his willingness to bend to his mother's will. What does it feel like to hear “I hate this child” from a mother who can’t even tell his son apart? But Mesh even accepts his mother trying to stab him with shears without saying a single word.  

Where does Mesh’s determination, which is almost commendable, come from? What steeled his resolve so? I think it was something closer to despair, rather than a wish to be delivered. Mesh’s hatred and his murderous thoughts towards his father are the two sides of the same coin. Killing his father, who hated both him and his mother, and accepting death by the hands of the mother who forgot her own son: They are actually one and the same. Thus, the child abandoned by his parents try to erase his ties to them. By resetting everything, he tries to make it as if he never existed.  

There is probably just one thing he’s trying to say with his behavior.  

"I’m sorry.  

"I couldn’t be the child you wanted.  

"I couldn’t meet your expectations.  

"I’m sorry that I was born..." 

In “The Visitor”, in the middle of his endless journey with his father, Oskar says these words time and time again: "I will be a good child. I won’t talk about my mom anymore. I’m sorry." Then he obliges his father by starting to live in a dormitory, and waits for his father to be back from South America. This must have been no different than choosing death for Oskar, a child who wanted to be the son of a warm household. 

When he doesn’t resist his mother’s attempt to kill him, something inside of Mesh shattered to pieces. He arrives at Paris train station with his broken hopes as his baggage, and he catches a glimpse of his father boarding a train. His father, who acknowledged him as “his son who shares the same blood as him” without so much as a thought about how that made Mesh feel. All Mesh can do is to stand there, motionless. Even if that's the only place he can come back to now.

All children need a place they belong. A place where they feel they can just “be.” Children do not belong to their parents, or other adults. No one shall undermine their right to self-determination. Mesh shows us how much hardship children have to endure, and the sacrifices they have to make when grown-ups forget this fact.   

[timbrhead]

metanoia. | pt 00 - reincarnated, i was stargazin‘

𝐢𝐧𝐟𝐨:

>> welcome, my name is 𝐥𝐚𝐢𝐧𝐚, and i‘ll be your scriptwriter (^‿^✿). my story will be kind of an choose-your-own-adventure story with a poll at the end of every part, where you can vote how the story continues.

This will be honkai star rail x f!reader story with these elements: reincarnation, slow burn, i gave reader a proper personality (sry, not much customisation there), does not follow the original storyline

>>> next part

𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 (this is important);

>> this part includes: descriptions of a panic attack

‚ the sky…was it always so vibrantly blue? ‘

that was the first thing you asked yourself as your eyes fluttered open. it was silent, unusually so, although you couldn’t really compare it to anything else, your mind drew a blank. was your life always this quiet? so calm? you don‘t think so, judging from the fact that you could feel your muscles visibly relaxing from the, possibly most welcome silence, a content, subconscious sigh slipping from your lips as you threatened to doze off again.

it was weird, it was like you were in sort of a trance, your mind carefully balancing the border of reality and the vast dreamscape, as if it had just been born, materialised. you had a feeling that you knew absolutely nothing, even though you knew there was something in your mind reminding you, telling you that you aren’t there, where you are supposed to be.

…

you didn’t know how much time passed till your mind finally broke out of it, the different synapses in your brain finally buzzing in a steady rhythm, allowing you to refocus your eyes, scanning the area around you.

you…were sitting. leaning on a metal crate. are crates made out of metal? you didn’t know. or did you? you shook your head. unimportant. you looked down at your body.

nothing unusual about that as well. you still looked healthy at least, although you couldn’t help an uncomfortable sensation bubbling up from your very core, even if you don’t know how to describe that feeling yet. you had dark blue shorts on, and a shirt draped over your upper body in the same color. no shoes, for some reason. you pressed your lips together in a slight frown at that. how odd. you continued to look around, looking over the endless walls of crates, creating a twisted maze out of them. You could feel an uncomfortable knot in your stomach forming, wondering how you would find back home in the condition you are in, freshly conscious and confused.

home…did you have one? you couldn’t remember. you hoped so. you looked down at your feet, a silent sense of dread creeping up at the realisation how utterly clueless you were. the more aware you became, the more questions emerged. you heard of amnesia before, although you never heard of a case this extreme. you could only remember your name, mei lian. suddenly, a sharp pain courses through your brain. you stop.

…no.

mei lian wasn’t your name. you-no, that you knew for sure, where did that name even come from? and what was your name? as you pondered, the sound of steps rang into your ears. Immediately, you perked up. was it a person?

you took a deep breath, putting your hands on the floor, preparing to push yourself off from the ground on your feet. you never tried it before, so you hoped it worked. the first few tries resulted in an absolute flop. you almost wanted to laugh at yourself as you plopped down on the ground again after the nth time. it reminded you of the protagonist from kill bill, where she tried really hard to wiggle her little toe after breaking out of the hospital. the fact that you remembered something as unsignificant as that and not your government name bewildered you. did you even watch the movie? frustration bubbled up in your chest, resulting in a wave of strength surging through you, directly to your arms.

you let out a grunt when you finally managed to stand up, your muscles screaming at you from being strained again. god, just what did you do before that?

forget that. you needed to get back…home.

you were still a bit wobbly on your feet, legs shaking like a newborn fawn, but you eventually steadied yourself by leaning against crates, taking one step at a time. that was the winning strategy. one step at a time. easy. you could feel your steps getting more and more stable, the soft sound of your bare feet slowly gaining a steady rhythm, walking towards the other pair of steps you heard. you tried to call out, but you also realised that your mouth is incredibly dry, with a weird, copper like taste in your mouth as you swallowed a bit of what little saliva you had left.

you shook your head. now was not the time to think about the taste of your mouth. you could hear the footsteps getting louder, and it seemed like you two would come across each other. thank the lord. you could feel your heart pounding as anxiety bubbled up inside of you, a sense of fear tightly squeezing your beating heart. you don‘t know what kind of people you come across in a place like this, after all.

and then, as you turned a corner, you saw him.

the first thing you noticed was his long, blonde hair. it looked silky and smooth, and you could feel yourself growing envious of the shine they had under the sun (?). the color reminded you of pure sunshine, and watching it flow in the soft wind was utterly mesmerising. green eyes locked with yours, slightly widening at your sight. You couldn’t blame him, you wouldn’t expect to find a random woman in a port (was it a port?) either.

you have never seen vibrant eyes like that before (at least you think so). of course, you knew that people with green eyes exist, you were aware of that, but you think that this was the first time you’ve seen green eyes that were so.. saturated. if he wasn’t standing before you in the flesh, you would probably think that he was a painting, a drawing, a character straight from a fantasy novel. upon further inspection, you could even see little specks of gold weaved into the sea of lush green, making him all the more unique in your eyes.

he was tall, clothed in unique clothing that you haven’t seen before (at least you think you haven’t seen it). he wore a black turtleneck under a white coat, embellished with golden accents, the buttons and brooches designed with so much intricacy and creativity that he almost looked like a professional cosplayer.

you could see him take a step towards you, his eyebrows scrunching up in confusion.

„ …miss, what are you doing here? are you..a worker, by any chance? “

the man spoke, waking you up from your daydream. his voice was awfully soothing. but you forced yourself to go back to what he said. a worker…were you one? did you have a job around here? that would explain why you woke up here, of all places, at least. were you ambushed while working? mugged? you swallowed, gathering your voice to communicate. you tried to think back on what happened, following the path of memory lane to maybe, just maybe, find out your origins. but even as you tried your hardest, there was only a blank canvas to look back on.

suddenly, a pulsing pain shot straight to your brain as you tried to remember. your eyes widen, the stinging sensation still ringing in your ears. what…what was happening?

you could feel your sight growing hazy as the now concerned calls from the man grew more and more muffled, even though you weren’t distancing yourself from him. your mind was drowning in a storm of endless questions, your eyes beginning to tear up as you realised something even more terrifying- it wasn’t just that you didn’t know where you were- you didn’t know who you were either. you had the feeling that your brain was bust wide open, all these little bits and pieces of random information swirling around in a wild tornado, while you were directly in the middle of it, in the eye of the storm.

you could feel your breathing picking up, like you were gasping for air from the way your mind was so empty and full at the same time, the body you were in slowly growing more and more uncomfortable, like you were in the wrong one. this body wasn’t yours.

and that name wasn’t yours either.

you tried your hardest to remember, but only one name came up as you searched through your mind, and you knew for a fact that it wasn’t yours. If you knew one thing, if one thing was now clear to you, this was it -the name, belonging to this body, isn’t yours.

a wave of conflicting emotions bubbled up inside of you, your mind now even further split apart. you felt like an intruder. shamefully possessing something that wasn’t yours, because you had nothing to call truly.. well, a part of you. you weren’t the person you were currently possessing, you were a lie, you were wearing this body like a costume, a costume you couldn’t get rid off-

suddenly, a touch of warmth was felt on your shoulder- a hand. something warm, something familiar. not particularly this specific hand, but the feeling of comfort when someone pats you on the shoulder. you could feel a silent wave of relief wash over you at the feeling of familiarity. that- that at least meant that you had been comforted before. that you weren’t alone your entire life. you look up to the blonde, blinking the tears away you didn’t even know were dripping down your cheeks. he had a concerned expression on his face, his eyebrows scrunched together while his lips curled into a slight frown.

„miss, are you okay?“

he said, his velvety voice cutting through your frenzied emotions like a sharp knife. he grabbed your hand, letting you sit down against one of the crates again.

„what is your name, miss?“

he inquired, seemingly trying to distract you from your panic attack, which you appreciated. but at the question to what your name was, you began shaking again, your emotions bubbling up your throat again, threatening to come out. the man seemed to notice, making him immediately attempt to soothe you by gripping your shoulders, letting his hand rub your arms soothingly.

„ you can call me luocha, i’m a…“

he seemed to ponder for a bit.

„ …travelling merchant. but i‘m also well versed in medicine, so if there is anything you need, please-“

he said, making you slowly but surely, calm down for a bit. he…he seemed nice. he needed to be, helping a complete stranger with her panic attack in the middle of a trade port. you contemplated your next answer carefully. you didn’t want to scare him away by saying all the weird things you feel about your identity, he was your only way back to potential civillization, after all. you didn’t want to, but playing it safe and introducing yourself with that fake persona might also be an option.

so, with the introduction of luocha, the prologue ends on a cliffhanger! please don’t forget to vote what the reader should do next!

- xoxo, laina

[pixelatedraindrops]

RAINCODE COMIC COLLAB~☔️

BEHOLD THE FRUITS OF MY LABOR!!

3 full weeks of work and its finally completed!

So @kazinsblog and I did another raincode art collab together but this one was a HUGE project! This one's a full 18 page comic!

Idk if you all remember the comic idea that Kazin was planning to do that involved Yuma overworking himself until he gets sick and then gets tended to by everyone else. But when I saw it, I decided to ask her if she was willing to possibly collaborate on it, remaking it where she sketched it and I colored it.

Kazin's Beta images: 1 2 3 4

So here's the results of all that work. We've been at this since December 17th so this has been an almost full month collaboration. And of course mine's a bit more altered to my own style as well as adding my own touches and making it a little more whumpy/extreme... X'D I also freehand drew shinigami in my version as well.

Both our versions look pretty different! The only thing that are the same are the poses. So feel free to check out Kazin's traditional version as well!

Since its an 18 page comic, I decided to put it under a keep reading so it won't clutter everyone's timelines. Also, I will be narrating the pages because I love narrating sick filler type stories. So brace yourself for a VERY LOOONG post!! Def need time to read this one! (and no purple tinted filters here this time!)

Also note: If the writing is blue, it means the character is thinking, just like in the game! :)

And I apologize on the inconsistency of Yuma's bangs... I thought it was one way before so half of the comic he looks like he has square bangs... oof XD I fix it around page 10

ANYWAY, hope you enjoy this soft buffet, Raincode Community! 🌡️💕

(Page 1)

Our story begins on an ordinary day in Kanai Ward. Rainy gloomy and depressing as ever. Our little victim... wait... XD I mean protagonist Yuma decides to go out to investigate more about Kanai Ward to try to track down it's supposed ultimate secret. Yakou sets him off wishes him well and tells him to be careful. However, as he's out, he finds out a lot of people in the city need help. Because of his good nature and unable to turn down someone in need, he decides to help whoever he can. (the ultimate side-questing lol) Before he knows it, he's soaking wet and he had helped 10 people in total. Time passed and it was almost evening so he returns to the submarine. Yuma was completely unphased by this. (and he didn't dry himself off for 4 hours due to being occupied with tasks)

(Page 2)

Yuma returns to the Agency's submarine to greet his chief holding his meatbun order. (that also got wet) But Yakou notices that the trainee is sopping wet to the core and shivering. He immediately loudly demands that he sit down so he can tend to him. Yuma does as he's told and sits on the checkered sofa. Yakou rushes to the shower room to grab some small towels to help him dry off. But because Yakou is so panicked, he ends up being very rough in drying Yuma, pulling his hair and causing the small boy pain. After he dries him off, he tells Yuma he isn't allowed to leave anymore for the rest of the day and demands him to rest. Yuma tries to retaliate using puppy eyes, but it doesn't work. Yakou is immune.

(Page 3)

The next day Yuma asks Yakou if he can go out to work after he finishes his morning chores around the place looking very eager. Yakou still looks a little concerned by how tired Yuma looks, so he tells him to not go out alone. He assigns him a partner to go with the rest of the week.

On the first day he's paired with Halara. The two of them are asked to investigate the art gallery of Ginma. (maybe after the nail man case) But over time, Yuma starts developing a lingering cough that persists for quite some time. Halara asks Yuma is he's okay, to which Yuma lies saying that it's due to the dust of the room. But of course being sharp, Halara isn't buying it. But they decide to not persist him further.

On the second day, he's paired with Desuhiko. They're asked to go help out at the Aetheria Academy with another case (not murder related this time) However on the way to the school and in Ginma, Yuma starts slowing down, he's shaking and is a little wobbly. Desuhiko notices this and asks if he wants to go to the cafe for a drink. Yuma nods and as they go to the cafe and order some coffee, Yuma takes off his hat and coat and Desuhiko finally realizes how pale he looks. He's even slower at replying to him as he speaks, as if he's in a daze. Desuhiko decides to take Yuma back to the agency after this.

(Page 4)

On Day three, he's paired with Fubuki. But he doesn't even make it to the case as when he goes to the sun and moon hotel to meet with her, Fubuki notices and points out that Yuma's face looks red. The boy clearly had a fever building. Yuma argues with her but Fubuki persists. The two of them try to go to the case but Yuma nearly collapses. So Fubuki returns him to the agency.

On the fourth day where he's supposed to be paired with Vivia he spends a majority of the day passed out. Vivia decides to watch over him using his forte to not disturb him. During the night while he's asleep, his breathing gets more labored and he's completely restless. Vivia looks at him deeply worried for his dear friend's well being.

The next morning Yuma somehow finds the strength to get himself up. Maybe that one day of rest was enough. But Yakou insists that he stays put today. Angrily yelling at him to be still and take today off as well.

Meanwhile, a certain two seem to notice each other...

(Page 5)

Vivia's spirit notices Shinigami and decides to give her a warning. Make sure Yuma listens to Yakou and doesn't leave. Giving her the iciest glare, Shinigami fearfully agrees.

But this effort would be for naught, despite how he feels, Yuma's relentless determination forces himself up, putting on his rain attire and heads up the steps of the sub to the outside when Yakou isn't looking. Shinigami does what she can to stop him, but he doesn't listen...and Shinigami being a ghost, there was nothing she could do to physically hold him back. All she could do was follow, and prepare for the inevitable.

By some miracle he makes it to the church, up the stairs to speak to the nun. Who tells him to play therapy again for the townsfolk. He nods and heads to his first client. But when he returns to kamasaki to speak to him, he can barely make out what he's saying as he lets out a few more coughs.

Once he leaves the client, before long, Yuma could hear something in his body snap.

(Note: I direct most of the story, but Vivia conversing with Shinigami in spirit mode was actually Kazin's idea! So credit to her for that, So silly and fun! ^^)

(Page 6)

Yuma's body had finally reached it's limit. All the fatigue, chills and body aches had hit him all at once at full force like armed weaponry. His head began throbbing, he was shaking violently and uncontrollably, he felt nauseated by the rain's smell, and his body heat and the lingering dizziness was unbearable. He found a safe corner in the alleyway of Kamasaki to collapse. Telling Shinigami she was right and he should have listened to her, while the burning fever and cold rain wrecked his delicate frame even further. His voice was hardly audible, but Shinigami still heard and practically tells him to go back. But Yuma had no strength left...

Then like clockwork as they finish speaking, he could hear his name called. At first it sounded kind and questionable. But that rapidly changed, the voice now angrily yelling out his full name. As he looked up this voice belonged to...Yakou. He looks down at the boy in pure disappointment and anger.

Turns out a certain someone was tailing him. And alerted Yakou what happened just in time.

(Note: I make the red darker the more extreme the temperature and lighter the less extreme. I got to experiment with all sorts of new ways to color fevers hehe~ >w<)

(Page 7)

Yuma shockingly looks up at Yakou. Oh no, he was so BUSTED! Shinigami even says as much. Yakou practically scoops Yuma in his arms carrying him back to the agency. As he was lifted Yuma's world begun spinning. He could barely hear the chief nagging him in a panicked tone. It was all distorted and it was making his head hurt more. Yakou placed a hand to his cheek and was shocked by how hot it felt. All Yuma could do was apologize and hope his world stops spinning and that Yakou eventually stops yelling... (also I put numbers for the order to read the speech bubbles in)

Upon returning to the agency, Yakou dries Yuma off, asks Desuhiko to give him a warm set of clothes to borrow and put him to his own bed. Grabbing a basin of very cold water, washcloths and a digital thermometer. He placed one of the wet cold cloths under his bangs and upon reading the boy's temperature, it was high. Almost high enough to visit the ER. Yakou was even more mad, but speaks in a non yelling tone. Giving Yuma another stern warning to not leave the bed. To which Yuma weakly agrees to.

But Yakou's back to yelling again, feeling paranoid Yuma would be missing by the time he gets back from getting the supplies. So he drills that message right into the boy's already throbbing head once more. Everyone else in the office awkwardly listen in as the sick trainee gets scolded.

(Note: Just an FYI, Yuma's speech bubbles being wavy is a sign his voice is raspy and the text being a bit hard to read means his voice is hardly audible)

(Page 8)

Yakou leaves Yuma alone and walks into the office in his raincoat telling the other detectives that he'll be leaving soon and to watch over Yuma in his absence and NOT let him leave. He is so full of anger and anxiety that he yells at all of them too.

Everyone agrees and as Yakou leaves, they all discuss among themselves Yuma's state the days they were partners with him. He was in bad shape. And he only got worse as the days went by. They all knew.

(Page 9)

Meanwhile back in Yakou's quarters, Yuma was getting lectured yet again. This time by his death god partner, Shinigami. The poor trainee only wanted peace and quiet to make the pain in his head go away, using what little energy he has remaining speaking in his head he tried telling her to stop.

But the aggravated spirit persisted, saying that as his mentor she had the right to scold him just as much as Yakou. She continued her rant, until an abrupt sound from her master shut her up.

The few coughs that came from Yuma eventually erupted into a full blown coughing fit. The coughs sounding more wet, rough and serious. After coughing 10 to 15 times in a row Yuma was exhausted. Shinigami looked down at him panting with concern and pity in her eyes. She decided to stop the lecture for his sake.

After the fit, Yuma was left raggedly breathing. As Shinigami gave him her permission to rest and take it easy, he didn't answer. He couldn't. That fit completely mangled his throat. He was not able to speak vocally or in thought process anymore due to his head being in too much pain. As was the rest of his body, aching and burning. So he didn't answer her. All he could do was hope sleep would eventually take hold of him to make all this awful heat and pain stop even if for a just moment.

(Note: That's the penalty Yuma... x'D Sorry I gotta make him suffer lol. Also this is the only page that’s actually read left to right. I messed that up, sorry!!)

(Page 10)

After some time passed it was time for the Master Detectives to all take part in taking care of Yuma. The whole agency had a day off to do this. So upon his return, Yakou instructs everyone to look after Yuma in 2 hour shifts through the day. Even if it was just to watch him sleep. He couldn't be left alone.

Halara was first. Their task was to help Yuma take the medicine that was bought. There were three types of medicine for him to take. Antibiotics (white pills) for the general illness symptoms, painkillers (red and white pills) for the headache/fever, and finally...cough syrup. (aka his least favorite... XD) Halara made sure to be very gentle with Yuma propping him upward as his whole body was burning and he was very shaky. He even had trouble drinking the water, so Halara had to get a mug instead so they could help him drink it by holding the handle, and using the other hand to support his back. Despite the struggle, Halara worked diligently to complete their task as a caretaker in full. (as for who paid them to do this...idk I'll leave that to your imagination XD)

(The cough syrup idea was inspired by this fic :3)

Desuhiko had the second shift and the whole time he was waiting for his turn, he was writing a song for Yuma. Having the delusion that his angelic voice would lul the sick boy to sleep, he played his guitar and began singing. Yuma's headache did improve enough to speak in his head now, but that wouldn't last, as the loud noises from the guitar made his head pound even further with every strum. Shinigami begs for the noise to cease fire on her poor eardrums, but Yuma doesn't have it in him to stop Desuhiko. The gesture was kind so he decided to try to listen to the whole song, despite the noise. He does eventually tell him to stop though (using hand gestures) when another song comes afterward. So then the two spend their time conversing for a bit, (though desuhiko does more of the talking as yuma just nods or makes small noises/hand gestures due to his throat still hurting too much to talk) Desuhiko even telling him he could keep the sweater and shorts he had lent to him. To which Yuma softly smiles at him as a thank you before he eventually falls asleep again.

Fubuki has the third shift, and her task was to feed Yuma the warm vegetable soup that was bought earlier and that Halara had just finished making, along with Fubuki's help. She volunteers to feed him as she remembers a time she was ill as a child in the clockford mansion and one of her servants tended to her, feeding her soup just the same. Unfortunately, because this was a memory of her early childhood, she repeats similar phrases as the servant did when she was feeding Yuma, who was clearly not a small child. Yuma's fever had dropped enough to where he could find a bit of strength to try and sit up on his own now, and his once mangled throat’s condition had improved for him to speak a little bit. As he listened to Fubuki's rambling he tries to play along with her despite the whole thing being a bit embarrassing for someone his age. At least the soup was nice and warm. It felt good going down his very sore throat.

(Funny Fact: The order that Yuma is both partnered and tended to by each detective, is the same order as the chapters in game he's partnered with them LOL)

(Page 11)

It was evening, and now it was Vivia's turn to take the fourth and final shift. At first he was just going to sit and watch Yuma while he read his book quietly, but Yakou suggested that he read one of his books out loud to Yuma to help him relax better like a bedtime story. Vivia was unsure at first, as he's never read to anyone before. But he decided to give it a try. He asks Yuma what his preference in literature is before he starts, and Yuma tells him he enjoys detective novels the most. So he pulls out the novel that was in his reading list and begins to read it out loud to him. Turns out he was quite a natural at narrating, and his slow voice was very soothing. Yuma felt so relaxed that he felt like he would fall asleep any minute, but he tries to stay awake to listen to the story a bit more. Shinigami however, conks out immediately. (fyi: yes this is the novel Vivia talks about in his final gumshoe gab. I tried to make up stuff based on it.. X'D)

Once the clock strikes 9pm and night falls, the Master Detectives all wish Yuma well and leave to return to the hotel to retire for the night. It was just Yakou and Yuma now. Yakou, who had just come back from another errand, walks over to Yuma who was now fast asleep. He looked a little better so Yakou removed the towel from his forehead and places his hand onto it. It still felt warm but no longer as hot as it did hours ago. Meaning he was out of the danger zone, much to Yakou's relief. He places the towel back in the water basin wringing it out and re-applying it to his forehead. Then he lets out a yawn. He was pretty tired. He decides that instead of sleeping in the office on one of the sofas, he'd stay by Yuma's side. His removes his jacket, goes and turns off the overhead lights, sits down and places his head down on his desk. Then after telling the sleeping trainee goodnight he turns off the small light by his desk.

OKAY FUN FACT: The comic WAS going to end here going on to the final page... Buuut~ We were STARVING for some good ol' Yakou Fathero :3 So... Enjoy these bonus 6 pages of Yakou having a shift of his own to look after Yuma in the middle of the night. And its the longest shift.

This ones for you Yakou Fathero fans! Eat your fill!

(I know we sure did :3)

Also I apologize if the lighting here is inaccurate ;w; I tried my best I'm no pro LOL

(Page 12)

A little past midnight, Yuma was stirring in his sleep. Making all sorts of groaning sounds as if he was in pain. He was likely having a nightmare. This is confirmed by his eyes suddenly opening and him violently flinging himself up screaming, and the cold cloth flying off his forehead.

This sound wakes Yakou up immediately as he puts his glasses back on asking Yuma if he's okay. He flicks the light by his desk on to check on him. Yuma's found shaking with tears in his eyes stating quietly that it was just a dream. Yakou sympathizes with Yuma as fever dreams were usually not fun, but a fever NIGHTMARE was always bad. The chief offers the shaking trainee some water to try to help him settle down.

(FYI: Shinigami is going to be absent from this part of the story because I think her banter and antics would ruin the fluff, so she'll just be lurking above in the shelf like a cat the whole time.)

(Page 13)

Yuma accepts the water practically snatching it from Yakou's hands and quickly gulping it down. Yakou tells him to pace himself not wanting him to choke. Once he exhales from the water drink, Yuma sheepishly apologizes for waking Yakou up with his scream, feeling like a burden. Yakou reassures him it's okay and decides to ask him the question of why he pushed himself this far while he was still awake. Hard enough to make himself sick. Why did he do it?

Yuma was surprised by this but decides to try to tell him. He hands the water glass back and began talking. Under his raspy voice and somewhat heavy breathing, he says that he wanted to be useful as he felt like a burden to everyone since he lost his memory. He also says that he likes helping others and that it feels familiar to him. Determined to try to unlock a core memory of his past he kept doing this, even to the point of pushing his limits.

Then he suddenly stopped speaking...

(Page 14)

...aaand cue the coughing fit. Yuma's throat got scratchy and irritated after his long explanation, causing him to cough about 5/8 times in a row. Not as bad as his previous fit but it was more than enough to startle and worry Yakou.

Yakou quickly hands Yuma the water glass he had just taken from him hoping it would soothe his throat. He tells him that helping others is a good thing but he shouldn't push himself to the point that his health gets affected. Yuma quietly nods and as he sips the water still shaking, Yakou feels bad and decides to apologize to him for being harsh before. Stating that he only lost his temper because he was scared and worried for him. He also places his hand to Yuma's cheek in both comfort and to check his temperature. It felt slightly warmer than a few hours ago.

Yuma quietly apologizes to Yakou for worrying him, still holding the water glass. Yakou forgives him. Then he takes the glass from him and then the towel that fell off Yuma's forehead. He grabs a fresh one and soaks it in the basin wringing it out and places it back on the trainee’s forehead unintentionally a bit roughly. Yuma groans and shivers a little from the cold of it.

Yakou then lies Yuma back down, tucking him back in trying to make him comfortable. But his actions were a bit too comforting. He was not meaning to in any way and he wasn't sure what came over him, but he was treating Yuma like a little kid. Yuma notices and feels a little embarrassed by it, but decides to only say it in his head.

Yakou decides to do one more thing before he lets him go back to sleep.

(Note: Hey far as anyone's concerned Yuma, you are practically his BABY when you are having a sick day, so deal with it hehehe :3c)

(Page 15)

Temperature taking page time :D (my favorite, teehee! I know some cultures and in anime they take the temperature under the arm, but there's just something so endearing and adorable about a sickie with a thermometer in their mouth <3 OKAY MY RAMBLING ASIDE...)

Yakou is now a bit concerned that Yuma's fever spiked again after that little harsh coughing fit so he decides to take his temperature one more time before letting Yuma go to sleep again. Yuma obliges and goes along with it opening his mouth as the device is inserted.

After 15 seconds the device beeps and Yakou takes it out. Yuma shyly pulls the duvet up to his face and hides as he meekly asks if its any better feeling a little nervous. Yakou responds that it is better than it was the first time, where it was a dangerous degree.

However, he still wasn't out of the woods yet. The fever was still there and although it went down, it was still in the red. Yakou states that he's still feverish to which Yuma just apologizes. Poor thing just wants this to be over, he really doesn't want to trouble anyone anymore.

(sorry yuma I can't let you off that easily hehe 😈)

(also yes I put an instruction manual for how the thermometer works, I am so obsessed that I even give the thermometer lore LMAO. Sorry if I'm inaccurate in any of those readings. I used google... ^^;)

(Page 16)

Yakou places the thermometer back on the desk and tells Yuma to go to sleep. Saying the fever will likely break by morning. To which Yuma states that he's in Yakou's bed and that he should return to the checkered sofa so his boss could sleep, attempting to try getting up. But Yakou puts a hand on his shoulder stopping him and denies this and says his desk is fine and that Yuma needed the bed more than him.

He also says that if Yuma had another bad dream that he would be there for him. Yuma smiles at Yakou quietly thanking him as he's tucked back into the duvet. Yakou pats it gently telling the trainee to close his eyes.

It isn't long before Yuma is back to being fast asleep. (and shinigami too)

Yakou monologues to himself for a bit groaning at how much trouble this small detective has been for him since he showed up. But then he switches his tune and places a hand to Yuma's head petting it softly. He says he's happy he's working hard for the sake of his memories but right now he needs to work on getting better. Saying it would help everyone in the agency if he wanted to help people.

He wishes him well continuing to pet his head for a bit longer to soothe him before going back to sleep himself turning the light off again.

(Page 17)

2 hours later, Yuma was stirring and whining in his sleep once again. Yakou groggily wakes up wiping his tired eyes upon hearing the soft noises the small trainee was uttering. And he was crying again. Can only be one thing: Another nightmare.

Instead of turning the light on to wake him up, Yakou moves his chair close to him sitting at his side. Not saying a single word. (cept in his head lol) He reaches his hand for Yuma's as it twitches and he takes hold of it gently.

Yakou eventually leans on the bed as he does so and falls asleep sitting up again. Yuma's groaning and and heavy breathing begin to settle down a little as he felt Yakou's presence close by.

Then he smiles as he closes his hand in his sleep holding Yakou's hand back, leaning a bit close to it. He felt safe again... <3

(Note: This poor thing has way too much trauma... ;w; I headcanon that he's prone to night terrors on occasion, but when he gets a fever, its even WORSE. Fevers do be messing with your head... x3)

(Page 18 Final)

The next morning when Yakou wakes up, he checks on Yuma. He still felt slightly warm but he looked much better. Seemed the worst was over and it would likely last just one more day.

When he's fully awake and at his desk, Desuhiko shows up asking Yakou if Yuma's okay and offered to wake him up. Yakou denies it saying Yuma needed one more day of rest, the fever may have been only slight now, but in the rain it would rise again easily.

Desuhiko agrees and declares that he's going to work hard today. Likely to make up for Yuma's absence. Yakou teases him and the two have a bit of a banter.

Yuma meanwhile is asleep peacefully. Still having a slight red tint to his cheeks, but he's able to sleep a lot easier now. His fever was slowly but surely breaking. (now in the yellow) Shinigami sleeps beside him, making sure she protects him from any nightmares in yakou's absence. (after all only SHE can give her master nightmares)

He wakes up fully recovered the following morning thanking everyone for taking such good care of him, and he makes sure to not push himself anymore. And continues searching for the city's ultimate secret while pacing himself to help others from now on.

THE END ❤️

(I practically made this into a sickfic in its own right... XD)

Thanks for reading!! Hope you enjoyed!! This is just a little artist credit page I made for Kazin and I c: Also art semi-face reveal?? xD Kinda?? Idk lol (we just two gals that like our sick comfort haha x3)

Anyway thank you again Kazin for doing this with me!! It was hard work but it was a blast and the final result came out amazing. Its surely a project I will cherish forever~ 💜🩷✨🌡️

A wholesome story to start 2024 on a good note.

[reestallized]

Crackship jumpscare

[pedripics]

PEDRI in Collaboration with AUDEMARS PIGUET - BARCELONAS GOLDEN BOY

Similarly, Pedri grew up in the mountainous municipality of Tegueste in the Canary Islands, surrounded by natural beauty. Spending hours near the sea playing football with his brother and friends, he has experienced the joys of the planet and its beauty before entering a life of football, fashion and bright lights. But a profound sense of where he has come from remains, and humility and humbleness continue to lead the 21-year-old’s choices.

His recent collaboration with Platano De Canarias, an institutional brand fighting malnutrition through the promotion of bananas, is a testament to that. The banana is the most important crop in the Canary Islands and for decades, the industry has been the protagonist of the economic growth of the archipelago – accounting for 60% of Europe’s banana production.  He is also an ambassador for Kick Out Plastic, a non-profit international campaign fighting for a world free of plastic pollution and climate change.

“Climate change is something that affects us all and should concern us all, especially young people,” Pedri explains. “Sustainability and recycling are part of my daily life because my parents instilled it in me since I was a child. Being from a natural paradise like the Canary Islands, which also lives mainly from tourism, I am very aware of the importance of taking care of nature for all of us.” 

As a 21-year-old with over 13 million followers on Instagram, you might not expect such issues to be on Pedri’s radar. Yet he is acutely aware that he not only has the world at his feet but in his hands — a gift he has no intention of wasting.

Intelligent, humble, and grounded, Pedri represents the younger generation with flying colours. He is a role model to all those who find themselves lucky enough to share his position and an indication that the high-profile figures at the forefront of modern football might just have deeper purposes.

On the pitch, Pedri has been hailed like no other — ‘One of the world’s best’ in the opinion of Barcelona’s manager Xavi Hernández, and ‘The signing of the decade’ according to Marca, Spain’s leading sports news outlet.

Lionel Messi’s final campaign in the famous red and blue hoops of Barça didn’t quite live up to expectations but offered an exciting window into what could be. Pedri was fresh on the scene; quiet, innocent, slight in figure and polite in persona; terrorising defences with a low centre of gravity, immense skill, close control and vision. His personality and playing style drew obvious comparisons to the iconic Argentine with whom he had struck up quite the partnership on the field. By all accounts, Barça’s next messiah was born.

But the story of a wunderkind is rarely so simple. Following his move to Barcelona and The Kopa Trophy win, he played a staggering 73 games and over 4,000 minutes in less than a year and subsequently suffered a string of injuries that would leave him out of the side for months at a time. While he has since returned to the team and reasserted his peerless playmaking form, the issue of over-played, over-pressured, fatigued young players falling victim to a demanding fixture schedule remains a pressing problem with the modern game.

“Professional football is very, very demanding, not only physically but mentally too,” Pedri admits. “I try to face things professionally and prepare myself to always be in optimal condition. That’s why it’s even more annoying when an injury forces you to stop and start all over again.

“In difficult moments, my brother Fer — the person I love the most in this life — is the one who protects me and is always by my side. I like to spend my days off at home with him and my family, watching TV series, playing board games and enjoying their company.

At first glance, Pedri appears to be an ordinary young man, but one who is poised on the brink of greatness. As the bricks for the new Camp Nou are laid one by one, Pedri is quietly constructing his own empire, drawing support from family, friends, and his sheer love for football.

“I am who I am because of my parents,” says Pedri. “They raised me with very clear values: you must be humble and respect everyone. I live my life by a quote from the legend Johan Cruyff, ‘Salid y disfrutad’ which means to ‘go out and enjoy’, and I think that sums up my approach to life.”

[rosypenguins]

Day Five of Freakblr Month! Something I like/dislike about Jake!

To start off, something I like: I absolutely adore his struggle between choosing the Music Club, and the Dromies.

Now, I’m gonna start this off saying that I’ve BEEN in Jake’s exact situation of having to choose between friend groups multiple times in my life. (People-pleasing tendencies be damned.) And honestly, this is genuinely, unironically one of the best portrayals of that I’ve found in media. (And it’s a Gacha of all things.)

But seriously, I adore the way his character arc was written, and how he struggles to keep both sides happy. The lying, and the struggle to remain loyal to both sides (which only in turn makes him loyal to no-one) hits so hard as someone who’s been through this.

He constantly shoves his own thoughts and problems to the side. He ignores his own desires in favor of pleasing those around him. And the line where he expresses how he wishes he was someone else, is honestly so real and genuinely hurts to hear.

Like, the scene in episode 7 puts it so damn well. I cannot express it enough. How he feels he almost owes it to Drew and the Dromies to stay by their side, and how he still cares about them despite how much their words and actions hurt those he cares for, and him.

He’s never shown to care about his own feelings, he only cares about making everyone else happy, which is why it feels to rewarding to see him finally figure out and fight for what he wants. And to see him finally reveal the truth, despite knowing how much it’ll hurt his old friends. He no longer lies to please others. He finally learns to tell the truth. The painful, ugly truth, that finally sets him free.

He’s a flawed protagonists, but he’s trying. And seeing him grow throughout the show is genuinely so rewarding, and watching him find a group that finally accepts him for who he is just…

This image is how I feel. Unironically. I love Jake so much.

*+*+*

Now, for something I dislike: I hate; with a burning passion; how Jake handled the fact Zoey was cheating on Drew.

Now before I get into this, I’m just gonna say that I don’t think this is a flaw of Jake’s character. I think this is more a writing flaw, considering Jake is shown to care about Drew in every other instance, except for this one. To recap the situation: Jake found out Zoey was cheating on Drew, and instead of telling Drew, his literal best friend about this, he chooses to keep it secret, using it as blackmail to protect a girl he’d known for two days.

I’m sorry… WHAT?! EXCUSE ME?!?! You’re BEST FRIEND IS BEING CHEATED ON AND ALL YOUR ASS IS CONCERNED WITH IS THIS GIRL WHO YOU MET A DAY AGO??? Like I understand Jake’s a people pleaser, but JAKE THAT’S YOUR BEST FRIEND??? YOUR BEST FRIEND WHO TOOK YOU IN AS A FRESHMAN AND GAVE YOU A PLACE TO BELONG?!?! YOUR BEST FRIEND WHO GENUINELY CARES ABOUT YOU AND WANTS TO PROTECT YOU?!?!!

It genuinely makes no sense, especially considering it IS IMPLIED Jake cares about Drew, yet his actions here scream otherwise.

And I know that Jake’s not the only one in Jake’s friend group who lied. Everyone did. (RIP Drew.) But I feel like their reasons for lying were a little more understandable.

Like, Henry and Liam were clearly being threatened into keeping their mouths shut, and Lia’s Zoey’s best friend. Lia had to keep quiet or risks losing her popularity and reputation, which she got because of Zoey. But Jake isn’t being threatened at all. He’s the one threatening Zoey.

Not only that, but when Jake DOES finally tell Drew, he weaponizes it. He KNOWS that he’s going to hurt Drew by telling him this and THAT’S why he does it. Not because Drew deserves to know, but because he’s using the truth as a weapon. He uses it AS A WEAPON TO ATTACK DREW FOR SOMETHING HE DIDN’T EVEN DO?!?!

It’s genuinely so fucked up and so out of character for Jake to do. Like, I understand he’s upset but this is just downright shallow and petty. And not at all fair to Drew, who has only been trying to help Jake in his own twisted possessive way.

And does he go back and apologize once he finds out Lia’s the one who leaked the recording? NO! Does he express any sort of guilt or remorse? NO!! IT’S SO FUCKING SHITTY!! And also completely illogical, which is why I think this was more of a writing flaw than anything. It was something to give the climax more drama I guess, but there are other ways to do that without taking Jake out of character.

TLDR: I like Jake’s character development. I hate how he covers up Zoey’s cheating only to weaponize it just to hurt Drew.

@31days-of-freakblr

[starlight-bread-blog]

Why Lokius Should Have Been Canon

This is a sort of combo of two metas that didn't quite get point my across. Some parts will be copied directly, but there's a lot of original content. I will discuss the ship between Loki and Mobius, their place in the show, and the MCU at large. My focus for this meta won't be parallels or motifs, because these things border on well-written friendships. But there will be some of that.

Romance in the MCU

There are a lot of straight couples in the MCU. (Almost) Every main hero is in some heterosexual relationship, Loki included.

(That's not all, not remotely).

But in the LGBTQ+ department... uh.. I think it was mentioned that Valkyrie had a girlfriend... uh... America Chavez had a pride pin... and Loki:

One line. Queer experiences are never a focal point of a show/movie the same way heterosexual experiences are. And that needs to change.

Romance In the Show

Wrong, toxic, or unsuccessfu romantic love is a recurring theme in the show.

Sylki

Sylki was an icky relationship right off the bat. They are the same person. I can't find the post at the moment, but someone has pointed out in their post that them being the same person is referenced in every episode in season 1 (edit: here it is), which is when the romance took place. This made their romance uncomfortable for many viewers.

(Some consider Sylki a toxic relationship, but for this post, the topic is too large to handle with the nuance I'd like to handle it with).

When he's drunk, Loki compares love to a dagger, stating that it hurts you, but when you try to find strength in it, it's not real.

Which is exactly what happens. Sylvie pushes Loki into a portal and they never get back together.

The Love Triangle

In 02×03, Ravonna Renslayer is infatuated with Victor Timely, but he leaves her behind and betrays her when Miss Minutes told him to. One episode later, we discover that they were indeed an item, and established the TVA together. He Who Remains deleted her memories and they never rekindle their love.

Later in the episode, is the best example of "wrong" romance in the show. Miss Minutes, the AI clock, confesses her love to Viktor Timely. He, obviously, freaks out and shuts her off. Nothing ever comes of this.

Brad and Dox

This one is small, but a big indication to romance being a theme. In 02×01, we're shown this:

The gap in the age of the actors is uncomfortable, and a character in universe has this reaction to it. It is never mentioned again.

So what does all of this leave us with? Not much. None of this properly ties to the finale, or anything really. If I were to write the show I would cut a lot of this out, since it serves no purpose. But it does make you keep romance and its shortcomings in mind. The writers want it to be there, in the back of your head.

Loki and Mobius

Finally! I got to talk about them. The two people in question. First things first, who are they, together? They became really supportive, close friends.

Fans even drew parallels to Chaos & Order, which is a very important theme in Loki. But I'm not here to unpack them. These things don't necessarily make them in love. So what does make them in love? I'll present you my evidence, and you ask yourself,

Would it be valid to suggest romantic implications if a man and a women are:

1) Extremely thouchy with each other.

2) Riding on a tandem bike together.

3) Willing to suffer a fate worst than death for another.

4) Falling on each other after that^

5) Literally the Interrupted Declaration of Love trope. (Ex)

6) Being framed in a circle.

7) Waiting & giving permission to attack.

8) Fixing themselvs before seeing the other.

Of course yes. Maybe you think some of these are a strech, but ultimately, people would point out romantic connotations across the board. And I'm here, pointing them out right now. Some scenes between Loki and Mobius have romantic implications.

Conclusion

Loki is a queer protagonist in the MCU, a universe that lacks representation of queer experiences. His show constantlty reminded us of romance, sometimes for seemigly no reason. In the second season, they wrote him and his best friend with romantic implications. And then, nothing. It should not have been nothing. Lokius should have been canon.

[helenabaring]

【Three Person Collab】

I did a three person collab with Biwa and analoguri! We drew and coloured each other's illustrations of the Strange Men Series protagonists and did a final illustration of Keith ourselves. ✨

Thank you so much, Biwa and Uri, for doing this with me!

※Please do not crop, edit, use or re-upload/reprint my illustrations anywhere without my permission. Thank you!