#i fuckin YELLED when i counted to 10 on my playlist

[omgchyeahplease]

hi what about Hall & Murray and 10?

I Need a Woman - Hockey Dad 

Syd, you literally picked the most ironic of titles, thank you

———

When Murray gets hired as SMH’s assistant coach after Hall (finally) gets promoted to head coach — all in the name of making Samwell one of the best NCAA hockey teams in the country — Hall invites him out to dinner. Purely for professional reasons; they’re somehow expected to elevate this program to the next level, despite their lack of experience, and Hall suspects that establishing an excellent working relationship with his coworker is going to be essential to making it through. 

“Your girlfriend is also invited,” he says, then pauses, because they’re both only in their mid twenties, “or wife?” 

“Oh.” Murray shrugs, “I’m not currently seeing anyone.” 

“No worries,” Hall says, and internally breathes a sigh of relief that he won’t have to ask poor Denise to be his beard for yet another work-dinner. “Then mind if we hit up a sports bar instead?” 

He laughs, and Hall doesn’t realise Murray’d been so tense — to be fair, this is their first meeting since Murray’s application interviews, and Hall has been a part of running this program a few years already — until his shoulders practically melt. “That’s a bit more my speed, yeah.” 

They end up in a place slightly out of town, because Hall has become an expert in finding sports bars unfrequented by packs of Samwell student athletes looking to pick his brains– a difficult feat to accomplish in such a small town. Hall’s just about on his third beer, idly watching the Bruins destroy the poor Atlanta Thrashers, but most of his focus is on Murray.

Man, is he sharp. It’s not very often that Hall meets someone who can meet him on the same level when it comes to sparring hockey talk, but here they are, passionately involved in a debate on the Oilers, shitty referee calls from last year’s playoffs, and whether or not SMH needs to change its logo (”It’s literally two hockey sticks, a puck, and our team name!”,“It’s a classic!”). 

He also kind of can’t take his eyes off of him, which is a bit upsetting, considering the Bruins are up 1-7, but also for purely personal reasons, namely that Hall is a gay man working on the collegiate level for a major American sport. 

That said: the way Murray talks with his hands, the strong line of his nose, the heavy set of his eyebrows, and, well, Hall can’t really lie to himself. It’s the hockey talk, and how Murray seems invested in the players they’ll be coaching, rather than only what they can do on the ice. 

It’s exactly why they hired him. It’s exactly why Hall needs to watch the fuck out. 

He’ll give it time; this ill-advised crush on his straight coworker’ll pass. 

Send me a 1-100 number and a ship and I’ll write something based on the corresponding song in my Spotify wrapped! 

[rozcdust]

Waste it on me

Crack route

Pairing: Takeomi Akashi x f!reader

Genre: Crack, SMAU

Word count: 1k

Warnings: Canon divergent, profanity, ooc, sugar daddy/ sugar baby relationship, age gap (both are consenting adults), suggestive, breaking and entering, reader is a petty bitch, Takeomi is what the french call a fucking idiot

pt. 1 | previous | pt. 25 C | next | playlist | backstory | angst route

“So let me get this clear,” Senju said, before taking an obligatory sip of her boba, “You saw her out with some guy, just talking, nothing else, and now you think she's not into you?”

“When you put it like that, I sound like an idiot.” Takeomi scoffed, tapping the ash off his cigarette as he drank his coffee.

“Perhaps,” Wakasa made a pause as he observed his nails, dramatically glancing up to look at Takeomi, emphasising his every word, “Because you are.”

Benkai silently nodded in agreement, clearly judging every single life choice Takeomi has made since 1981.

“Listen, she clearly likes older men, and the dude definitely looked older than her. Am I dumb to assume she probably hates me, stays only for money and plans to steal my kidney?”

Takeomi received three judgmental, sceptical looks.

He promptly flipped everyone at the table off, crossing his arms like a child being told no to candy.

Senju threw her phone at his head, probably hoping to convey how stupid he sounded.

As she should.

“And!” Takeomi suddenly remembered, slightly raising his voice to emphasise, “When we were at the gym and I was searching for you,” He gesticulated at Senju, “Some dude was on top of her, and they were chatting happily.”

Benkei raised an eyebrow, while Senju chocked on her boba, requiring Wakasa to sympathetically pat her on the back.

“Which dude?” Benkei asked, now frowning.

“I don’t fuckin’ know,” Takeomi threw his hands up, frustrated and miserable, “He had long black hair in a ponytail, he was around her age, mentioned some Fuyu?”

Senju and Benkei gaped, while Wakasa only gave Takeomi a stoic, unimpressed look.

Would have killed him to show an emotion, probably.

“Baji?!” Senju yelled, causing Takeomi to swat at her as to shut the fuck up and not scare every bird in a 10 mile radius.

“I don’t know his fucking name.”

“That sounds like Baji.” Benkei nodded, tapping the side of his face, “That’s weird. He has boyfriends.”

It was Takeomi’s turn to choke on his drink.

It must be an Akashi thing.

“Boyfriends?!”

“Yeah, Chifuyu and Kazutora, they come to the gym with him sometimes. They’re chill.” Wakasa nodded, deep in thought, “They’re grossly in love, it’s weird he’d be acting with someone like that.”

“God, do you think he’s cheating on them with y/n?!” Senju exclaimed, panicky, glancing between the three men.

Takeomi’s heart sunk as he shook his head.

“I doubt she’d do that.”

“Weren’t you just saying that you think she cheated on you?” Wakasa quirked an eyebrow, not even looking at Takeomi as he carefully unwrapped a lollipop.

“We’re not actually dating.“

“But you have feelings for her.” Wakasa stoically noted, popping the lollipop into his mouth.

“God, we’re talking about this like I’m a highschooler.” Takeomi buried his head into his hands, confused and utterly done with everything.

“Why don’t you just tell her?” Senju asked, clearly stressed out by the situation, “And she is clearly into you besides the money!”

“That is not part of the deal! And she is not!”

“Fuck the deal, just talk, don’t be stupid.”

Takeomi groaned, obviously utterly done with everything.

He needed a drink.

“Listen,” Benkei’s face was serious, “Bottom line, she’s not into you and you break the deal off. Best scenario? She is into you and you don’t throw yourself a pity party every fucking day.”

“And we don’t have to listen to this anymore.” Wakasa added, receiving a cup half filled with coffee to be thrown at his head.

“You all suck.”

“Love you too, bro.”

“No! Bad y/n! Bad! Put that down! Drop it!” Mitsuya barked at you, glaring you down with his arms crossed as you looked at him innocently.

Like a sad dog, you set the jar down, pouting in displeasure, before promptly deciding that your best course of action was to lay down on the floor and sulk.

“You are 20 fucking 5, for God’s sake, at least show some maturity.” Mitsuya scowled, not one bit amused by your toddler-worthy tantrum.

Hakkai only stared at the jars from his spot on the couch, shocked and reasonably disturbed, and he had to wonder if he was the only sane fucking person in this entire building.

Mitsuya was way too calm considering the current situation.

“You never let me have any fun!” You howled like an offended child, kicking Mitsuya’s shins in a weak attempt of retaliation, as if that would help your cause.

He only sighed, obviously and absolutely annoyed.

“Where the fuck did you get so much napalm?” Hakkai asked, in disbelief, “And why the fuck did you bring it here?”

“Kakucho told me I can’t fuck Ran up anymore, and I had extra.” You sighed, making the saddest, most pathetic puppy face this Earth has ever seen.

By the tone of your voice, one would assume someone fucking died, and not that you were told you can’t set shit on fire.

“What were you even going to do with it?!” Hakkai was stressed.

He was certain you were quickly becoming the reason he had to go to therapy.

“Blow up his new car?”

“You’re getting old with fucking with his car.” Mitsuya sighed, plopping down next to Hakkai.

“You are so mean! Fucking up an assholes’s car is a classic! Ages like a fine wine.”

“STOP COMMITTING CRIMES!” Hakkai was on the verge of an aneurysm.

You sighed, turning on your stomach to glance up at them from the floor.

“Feed me.”

Hakkai let out a shaky breath as he buried his face into his hands.

You caused him pure misery.

Mitsuya sighed, and getting off the couch, he stepped over your limp form, and picking your legs up, he dragged you away.

You made a surprisingly nice mop.

“You hate me!”

“Correct.”

“SUYA! I’M YOUR BABY! YOU LOVE ME!”

“Hey!” Hakkai yelled from the other room, now clearly offended, “I am his baby!”

“FUCK YOU! YOU HAVE BLUE HAIR AND PRONOUNS!”

“WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT EVEN SUPPOSED TO MEAN?!”

Mitsuya’s face was stoic and exhausted.

“I’m disowning you both.”

“SUYA!”

“TAKA-CHAN!”

🔖Taglist (closed):

@1818cigarettes @dilf-city @wakasa-wifey @rinsie @kisekihany @missarabellla @bajifairyy @cryszus @r-xochitl @emilywaters @m0rrax @levistiddies @bxnten @spookykoko @graythecoffeebean @yukihime-mikeys-girl @mukounisuru-gashadokuro @sunahyejin @crybabylisa @yamaguccitadashi @minoozi @gigibobigi @trashmemebitch @frogtits1 @sup-zfam @whydohumansss @xashiui @bontens-whore @nqctre @kennyb0y @chaoticyuna @haitanihime @adeptiixiao @denkis-slut @wakasagurl @dontfollowmelol @yukimaniac @marrymemanjiro @bajitorasprincess @somniari-94 @haikyuu-simps-assemble @gulfkfl @the-invincible-mikey @lumi-does-some-stuff @hana-patata @snowyseungs @sanzuswh0re @itsyournumber1whore @lem0nsquizy @nana-phobia (second taglist in the comments! please let me know if i forgot to tag you 💕)

[clumsyclifford]

just finished writing this and realized how long it got oh jeez i am so sorry. i promise it is just me rambling about nothing and does not require a lot of thought.

i made a playlist of r5's entire discography and am listening to it (in order) because there is something wrong with me. if only it had their very first ever ep on it (ready set rock ep you may have been slight garbage but i don't love you any less for it). oh god i realized i fucked up and didn't add the songs by "ross lynch and r5" from the austin & ally soundtrack. i'm already three songs into louder and they would have been between louder and say you'll stay. what do i have to do is actually one of r5's best songs and i'm pretty sure i remember ross calling it one of his favs fairly recently?? which was so valid of him. anyways. this is now an r5 song ranking. i'm bored and avoiding doing assignments. i'm going to name my top 10 r5 songs off the top of my head. source: me trying to remember every song they've ever released.

no. 1: easy love. nothing comes close. my fav song they ever made. they haven't made anything that even compares since (this is /hj. tde has some valid songs).

no. 2: wishing i was 23. what do you mean i only love this song because of my nostalgia bias no i don't.

no. 3: what do i have to do? i will not elaborate i do not know why i adore this song as much as i do it's just a cute song.

no. 4: repeating days. THE END. THE FUCKING END AFTER THE SONG ENDS THE "all i've got is cheap wine" PART ross sounds so vulnerable and him with just the guitar makes me so :(((((( it's so gorgeous that part makes the whole song and that makes it top 3 for me.

no. 5: i want u bad. THAT SONG FUCKS LIVE. I DO NOT WANT TO THINK ABOUT THE FACT THAT I WILL PROBABLY NEVER SEE IT LIVE AGAIN. (speaking of concerts i can't believe you bought concert tix and fucking forgot??? that is actually so fucking funny bella it made me laugh i will not lie)

no. 6: dark side. so so valid of them. it just fucks. it's so good. it makes u want to dance. u named a fic after a lyric from it which was so valid.

no. 7: did you have your fun? i love this song. no i will not elaborate. it is a sexy song. what's that one lyric from it that's hot. "love me, leave me, left me numb" some lyrics you love for no particular reason and for me that's one of those lyrics.

no. 8: f.e.e.l.g.o.o.d. this has alwayysss been one of my favs by them. since it dropped. some lore about it: the like crowd yelling that's in it they recorded live at a festival they played and i remember there being hype about this being an unreleased song when they had the crowd chanting "f-e-e-l-g-o-o-d" with no explanation. also another fun fact is that the final version of this is just a demo?? source: my slightly faulty memory remembering ross saying something about some demos being so good that you keep them as they are and it later being revealed this was the song he was talking about.

no. 9: i know you got away. sexy song. they released a vocals only version of it (that has apparently since been deleted?? i went to look for it on youtube and couldn't find it?? wtf r5) that has stuck with me ever since.

no. 10: loud. but more specifically the acoustic or live version. this was their encore song that they played to end every show. i MISS IT. it holds a special place in my heart.

honorable mentions: hurts good (a good song and THEIR LAST THEY EVER RELEASED VV SAD), wild hearts (fun fact almost picked a lyric from this song as my senior quote till i found out they didn't write this song), fallin' for you (YOU LIKE MISMATCHED SOCKS WITH POLKA DOTS YOU LIKE YOUR PIZZA COLD I THINK THATS HOT i never saw this song live and i'm still fucking pissed about it ok), do it again (it's such a sweet song :(((( "listen to the airplanes as we count the stars" gives me the same vibes as six feet under the stars), things are looking up (generally just a cute song!! this whole ep is just very good and very cute!! when i saw it live one time during the bridge ross was like "everyone shut up this is my favorite part >:(" and that was so valid of him) i can't say i'm in love (it's just a fun song!! it was a bonus track on sln from another country), trading time (this is the only song from the new addictions ep that i listed and u know what i'm Not sorry)

ok. i will spare you and stop rambling. other honorable mentions: if you have never listened to cool girl (feat. the driver era) by new beat fund i highly recommend. it's an okay song but it was one of the first songs released after they rebranded as tde and includes ross saying motherfucker with his whole chest. i will never again feel what i felt the first time i heard that song having listened exclusively to them as r5 whose songs they couldn't curse in because they were on a disney label.

in conclusion. i miss r5. ross saying fuck is kinda hot. i listened to the entirety of louder while writing this. i am sorry to dump this in your askbox. i still have multiple assignments to do and should probably go to sleep at a decent time. it feels fitting to finally stop writing while easy love is on. when i was 12 and this ep came out i thought "dirtbags" was a curse word and was scared to sing it. they changed it to "douchebags" live.

that's all. goodbye. have a lovely night. listen to r5's discography for clear skin thriving crops etc etc. sorry to lovepost about them in your askbox i only have (1) former r5 mutual that i still talk to (a very interesting but long story. she's the gemini bestie) and she will only lovepost about r5 once in a while. feel free to ignore my ask calling cody bellinger hot i was a different person when i wrote it i am now a changed woman. LOVE YOU MWAH - bella but she misses r5

hi hi im going to answer this with minimal thought because im tired but i dont wanna leave this sitting in my inbox forever but for the record all your r5 opinions are valid. ok lets go

1. easy love slaps ive heard it a couple times over the last few days (it played in the car today while i was driving sam n meghna to the airport) and it does fuck i can see why it's your fave

2. i do not know this song

3. A BOP A WHOLE FUCKIN BOP

4. oh i do love repeating days great choice i would have to hear it a few more times to get it in my head but i remember really liking it when i listened to the album it's on

5. also a banger and i'm glad my concert tickets situation made you laugh it made me laugh too imagine being this useless gldskfjgs

6. DARK SIDE FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCKS GIVE IN TO YOUR DARK SIDE YOUR DARK SIDE IIIIIIIII SEE THE WAY YOU LOOK AT MEEEEE

7. ANOTHER FUCKING BANGER this one is probably among my favorite r5 songs maybe top 5 LOVE ME LEAVE ME LEFT ME NUMB (guitar moment) DID YOU HAVE YOUR FUUUuuuuUUUUUNNNNN i feel the same way about this lyric as you

8. oh shit thats pretty cool i dont know this song tbh i cant remember how it goes i know ive heard it once or twice but. id have to listen to it again so i will keep you posted on that

9. i do not know this one either

10. interesting choice for top ten but i support you, this song fucks and ever since you mentioned it it's been in my subconscious and randomly getting stuck in my head i think i need to listen to it to get it out. it does hit ur right

11. i don't know hurts good or wild hearts or things are looking up or i can't say i'm in love or trading time well enough to say anything about them. but i really like fallin for you it's one of those cheap fun songs but emphasis on fun, and also really like do it again one day ill write a fic based on that song

i have not listened to cool girl i put it on my to listen playlist so hopefully i remember to listen to it soon ill be honest though i dont think im prepared for ross lynch saying motherfucker w his whole chest like i think itll take me out. so. anyway. i hope you got your assignments done. thank you for the r5 lovedump feel free to drop in anytime with more

[thatbloodymuggle]

the one with john b’s bad driving

Tongue Tied (jj maybank) 9/?

masterlist

word count: 3.2k

warnings: n/a

playlist

-

At some point amidst Rosie's tossing and turning, she must have fallen into a light sleep. She woke up the next morning feeling just as awful as she had a few hours earlier.

The blinding light pouring into the room evoked a groan from her. She reached for the alarm clock on the side table. Her tired eyes shot wide open at the time displayed: 10:04 AM. She was supposed to be at The Wreck four minutes ago.

Rosie shot out of bed in a panic, ignoring the pounding in her head from the alcohol the night before. The frazzled girl ran to the bathroom in the hallway where John B stood brushing his tooth.

"Mouthwash!"

She frantically shoved her friend out of the way to grab the large Listerine bottle. She didn't waste time swishing some around in her mouth and spitting it into the sink.

"Morning, Sunshine," John B mumbled with his toothbrush hanging out of his mouth.

Rosie splashed water onto her face in an attempt to freshen up her clearly exhausted features.

"I'm late for my shift and I need a shirt," she gasped through the water going up her nose. "Can I use one of yours?"

She didn't wait for his reply and hurried into his room. Rosie heard a distant "Sure" as she rifled through his drawers. She grabbed the first clean shirt she could find and raced back into the guest room to pull on her jean shorts from the day before. Rosie tucked the baggy shirt into her shorts in an effort to make herself look less like she'd just spent the night with a guy.

"When are you off?"

"3:00," she called as she threw her hair up into a messy ponytail. Rosie ran into the hallway to face John B. "Give me a ride?"

"Sure," he nodded. Rosie haphazardly slipped on her flip flops and raced towards the front door.

She paused at the sight of JJ sprawled across the couch, grunting softly in his sleep. The same uncomfortable feeling from last night twisted her insides and made her skin crawl.

Before she could dwell on it, John B nudged her towards the door. Rosie shook her head and pulled herself back to the task on hand. She all but sprinted towards the Volkswagen van.

As soon as she slammed the door shut, the anxiety of being late returned. John B quickly followed and revved up the engine. He pulled out of the driveway, and Rosie couldn't help but stare at the hammock with a frown. She watched it until it was completely out of sight. The events from last night made her stomach churn and her head hurt. Rosie had hoped she'd drinken enough to forget it, but she wasn't so fortunate.

"Fun night, huh?"

Rosie whipped her head to the side to catch John B's suggestive smirk. Her body tensed. What had he seen?

"Super fun," she plastered on a smile, "Kind of a bummer when you guys left though."

John B shot her a look from the corner of his eyes, "Oh really? You and JJ looked like you were having fun."

Despite her attempt to remain impassive, Rosie couldn't stop the blush crawling up her neck and spreading to her cheeks. He definitely saw.

"Nothing happened!" she burst out. Rosie tried to conceal her nerves, but was failing miserably.

"Never said anything did."

He turned his head from the road to look at her for a moment. And in that moment he saw it. He saw the red covering her face, the nervous smile, and the guilty look in her eyes. John B's eyes widened in realization, and his jaw dropped.

"Oh my god, something so happened!" he turned to face her completely, forgetting about the road ahead. Rosie watched in horror as the van nearly swerved into a sign off the road.

"Eyes! Road!" she screeched, "Nothing happened!"

John B shrugged,  "Whatever you say."

Rosie's brows cinched together in confusion, "Wait, you mean you didn't see?"

John B's eyes nearly popped out of his head. Rosie immediately realized her mistake. You dumb bitch, she thought to herself.

"What?! See what?"

Rosie flinched at his booming voice. The car swerved even more sharply this time, nearly hitting another.

"John B! You're driving, for fuck's sake!"

He regained control of the van for the second time, but his full attention remained on Rosie.

"What the fuck did you do?" he yelled, looking back and forth between her and the road.

"Nothing! Okay? I wasn't lying when I said nothing happened," Rosie groaned and shrunk further into her seat.

"Well obviously something happened that you didn't want me to see!" John B's volume increased. She remained silent, causing him to raise his voice even more, "Well? Spit it out!"

Rosie sighed in defeat.

"We didn't not kiss but we didn't kiss."

She immediately cringed, awaiting his reaction.

"You didn't not--what? So you kissed?"

"No!"

"But you almost did?"

Rosie's silence answered John B's question.

"You can't tell anyone," Rosie gave him a hard stare.

He laughed, "I won't."

But his joking nature left Rosie feeling unsettled.

"Seriously, John B. Don't tell anyone, and don't even talk to him about it. We were both drunk. It didn't mean anything, and it's in everyone's best interest to just forget about it," she spoke with a stern voice. The excited grin on John B's face slowly fell, but he nodded at her wish.

"I won't. Promise."

Time was on Rosie's side as John B pulled into the parking lot for The Wreck. She was quick to jump out of the van, now remembering she was at least twenty minutes late.

John B called to her before she shut the door, "Pick you up at 3?"

Rosie nodded and blew him a kiss as she ran towards the restaurant, "Love you!"

She mentally prepared herself for the rage of Mr. Carrera as she entered. Rosie rushed to the kitchen, but nearly fell over as she ran into a tall body.

"25 minutes late!?"

Rosie looked up at Kie's angry father, and put on her most apologetic smile, "I'm so sorry, Mike. I can work late to make up for it."

He rolled his eyes and tossed her an apron, "Just start the food prep, won't you? Wasted enough time already," he grumbled and walked off.

With a long sigh, Rosie set to work. It was a nice distraction from the dilemma of the night before. Each time her thoughts drifted to JJ, she'd count the numbers of carrots, tomatoes, and onions she'd chopped. She'd take chopping vegetables over confronting her problems any day.

Meanwhile, a particular set of blond hair and blue eyes was waking up from his own sleepless sleep, getting ready for a day full of adventure.

-

"We're going where?"

"We've been over this, Rosie. The Salvage Yard. Keep up."

After a busy afternoon shift at The Wreck, John B's van filled with four hyperactive teenagers pulled up to pick Rosie up. Pope rushed through an explanation of how they'd used the internet in a Kook country club to map out the coordinates of the Royal Merchant. They'd discovered it was shallow enough to reach it, but they'd need a drone. Hence, the Salvage Yard.

"So we're gonna steal a fucking drone from the Salvage Yard?"  she clarified, trying to take in the massive load of information all at once.

"Yes," they all spoke in unison with the exception of Pope, who sat shaking his head in disapproval.

Rosie sighed and leaned back next to Kiara, who sat across from Pope in the back of the van. JJ was luckily in the front with John B, saving Rosie from having to face him. It wasn't that she didn't want to see him, it was that she didn't know how to act around him after last night. Her mind told her to pick fights like normal, but her gut said something different.

"Okay, so what's the plan for getting in? It's gated, right? And there's a guard," she pointed out.

"Well, we're gonna need a distraction," John B spoke, looking pointedly at the two girls in the van through the rear-view mirror.

It seemed Kiara had already been informed of her duty, as she didn't react. Rosie, on the other hand, narrowed her eyes at the Pogue, "I'm not seducing him out."

"Hey, no one said anything about seduction. You and Kie just need to distract him. You know, say you have a flat tire or something," John B spoke from behind the wheel.

"Well if it's not seduction, John B, then why don't you do the distracting?" she raised her eyebrows.

"Jesus! Because you and Kie are girls. Would you stop bein' difficult and just fuckin' do it?" JJ snapped.

"Cool it JJ," Kiara scolded him. Rosie didn't partake for once.

She frowned and hardened her expression. But it didn't stop the twisting feeling in her stomach. This feeling was slightly different than the one she'd felt this morning. This one was more of a stabbing pain, while the other was a dull ache.

"So we're clear on the plan, then?" John B awkwardly changed the subject. "Rosie and Kie distract the guard and we run in and get the drone."

"Guys, if we get caught stealing it's gonna be bad," Pope voiced his concern.

"Pope we're not stealing the drone, we're borrowing it," John B laughed.

Pope sighed and crossed his arms, "Humans are the only animal that can't tell fantasy from reality."

"Did you come up with that?" John B asked, glanced back at the boy.

Rosie cut in to answer, "Try Albert Bernstein."

Pope shot Rosie a grin.

"So," Pope leaned towards John B, "Which is it? Fantasy or reality?"

"Why are you so weird, Pope?" JJ began to roll up a joint.

"It's fantasy, but possible reality," Kie ignored the blond, and looked to Pope instead.

"Reality," John B smiled.

Rosie nodded along to the long-haired boy in the front, "Reality."

"Virtual reality," JJ mumbled while pulling out his lighter. Pope reached up and snagged the joint from his mouth, earning a glare.

"Keep the signal clear," Pope shot him a look.

Not a moment too soon, John B's van pulled into the lot of the Salvage Yard. Rosie sighed and shared a look with Kie as they knew what was coming next. The two girls hopped out of the vehicle.

"Hey, don't worry," John B called out to the girls as they rounded the van, "You got this."

Rosie rolled her eyes and continued walking. Kie stayed behind for a moment to reply, "It's not us that I'm worried about."

"Show time?" Rosie grumbled to her taller friend.

"Show time," Kiara sighed back.

They walked side by side towards the guard's office and forced their friendliest smiles.

"Hello!" Kie called out to the man behind the window. The two girls waved enthusiastically.

The security guard shot up and approached the two teenagers, "Can I help you?"

"Hi," Rosie wore a sickeningly sweet smile, "We actually have a flat tire."

"We were wondering if you could maybe help us out?" Kie finished.

Rosie pulled her mastered puppy-dog eyes and Kie shifted from foot to foot with an innocent grin.

"Yeah," the man grinned back, and ran back to open the gate.

"It's too easy," Kie mumbled to Rosie who nodded in agreement.

He rushed back with a box of tools. Rosie and Kiara lead him to a car. "It's just this back one right here."

Rosie nodded at the three boys who were hiding in the bushes while Kie spoke to the security guard. She watched him sprint towards the gate, barely slipping in before it closed.

"I got this," the man bent down to check out the tire.

"Thank you," the two girls spoke in unison.

They made idle small talk for a while as the man worked on the tire. The plan seemed to be running smoothly until a dog barking made the guard perk up.

"You hear that?"

Rosie shot the man a blank look, "Hear what?"

"Tebow's got somethin'," he stood up.

Kiara was quick to distract him, "It's probably just a racoon, maybe. You know?"

The man paused, but bent back down to work on the tire.

We need more time, Rosie mouthed to Kiara. Kie nodded, and walked over to the other side of the car, pointing to the hair clip in her hair. Rosie nodded in understanding.

The man continued working for a moment, but then stood up as he finished. Rosie's eyes widened as he rounded the side of the car.

"Wait!" she called after him, but it was too late. He'd seen Kiara flattening the tire with her hair pin.

"What are you doing?" the guard asked. Realization dawned upon him. He ran off before either girl could stop him.

"Shit," Rosie cursed, "Get back to the van!"

The two girls sprinted back to John B's van. Kiara sat behind the wheel in case they needed a quick getaway, and Rosie in the back. They waited anxiously for the boys to show up. First, Pope came running back. Then a couple minutes later, John B came running dragging a large case which made the group erupt in excitement. Last but not least, JJ came sauntering over to the van.

The gang all cheered once the van was completely loaded, and John B, who'd switched seats with Kie, drove off. This time, Pope, JJ, and Rosie shared the back.

"That was fuckin' nuts, bro!" JJ cried, clapping the back of John B's seat. "Dumb dog chased me through the whole damn yard!"

"How'd you get away?" Pope laughed.

The blond shrugged, "Bobby caught me. But I talked my way out of it."

JJ pulled out the joint he'd rolled from earlier and lit it. This time, Pope didn't stop him. Rosie watched as he placed the stick between his lips. It hung loosely between his fingers and she couldn't help but watch their subtle movements. He brought his hand down and blew out a large cloud of smoke, filling the van with the smell of weed.

"Don't hotbox the car, man!" John B complained while rolling down a window.

Rosie was shocked when the hand loosely holding the joint shot out in front of her. JJ held it out for Rosie to take. She did so slowly, and took a deep drag before handing it back. She didn't dare look at him, and he didn't dare look at her. Their awkward interaction seemed to go unnoticed by Pope, who was too distracted examining the drone.

Rosie looked outside the window to see the sun was now setting, and the sky had turned a soft orange. The teenagers drove around for a while, relishing in their success and the beautiful view. As the sun sunk further and further, their stomachs began rumbling.

"I'm hungry," Pope spoke for everyone.

"Drive to the Wreck," Kiara instructed John B, "I can try to convince my dad to give us free food again."

"Yeah!" the group began to cheer, but Kie quickly shut them down.

"No promises, though."

John B pulled the van into the driveway of the restaurant and they didn't hesitate to pile out.

"What I would do to a beer and shrimp and grits right now," JJ groaned as he hopped out.

Pope laughed, "It would not be pretty."

The Pogues entered the cool restaurant. Kie walked straight to her dad and Rosie's boss, while the others went towards the back. Rosie sat down at a table and rolled her eyes as the three boys awkwardly shifted from foot to foot, unsure if they should join her yet. Kie and her dad turned to look at the group of Pogues. They all put on their sweetest smile and waved. Rosie grinned as Kie squealed and hugged her dad, signaling they would be feasting.

Kie turned to face her friends, looking at the boys as if they were dumb, "Well? Sit down!"

"Yes!"

They hurried into their seats as they waited for Kie's dad to bring out the leftover food. Kie walked over with a tray of ice cold waters, which they all accepted graciously.

"Fuck yes," John B mumbled once Mr. Carrera came over with a tray full of a variety of food from burgers, to fried shrimp, to fries.

"Night shift tomorrow, Rosie?" he asked her with a smile.

"You got it, Mike."

She grinned at her boss before tearing into the food with the rest of her friends.

"Oh my god," JJ moaned as he shoveled fried shrimp into his mouth, "Better than sex."

Pope tried to retaliate, probably with some clever remark, but his mouth was full of burger and it came out as gibberish. Rosie laughed as he tried to speak and threw a fry at him. Pope grinned with a full mouth before picking up a shrimp from JJ's plate and throwing it back at her. Rosie opened her mouth just in time, catching it between her teeth with a wink.

The upbeat music playing throughout the empty restaurant served as the perfect background noise. Soon, Kie was up and dancing, and had pulled John B along with her. Rosie watched her friends with a grin. She turned her head back to the table to get a sip of water, but stopped halfway.

Blue eyes were trained on her from across the table, and she stared right back. This was the first time JJ and Rosie had made eye contact since their almost kiss in the hammock. They just looked at each other for a while as John B and Kiara danced, and now Pope who had been dragged up by Kiara too. Rosie and JJ both tried to decipher what the other was thinking, but came up short. They'd both built up a wall, and neither one was willing to crumble first.

So instead, Rosie cocked an eyebrow at him.

"I feel like dancing."

She stood up and he followed. They moved closer to their friends and began to sway to the beat of the song. Rosie and JJ moved in sync, as if a magnet was pulling them together. They continued their stare-off, occasionally breaking it with a twirl or a spin. JJ subtly placed his hands on her hips, which Rosie subconciously swayed even harder. The look in JJ's eyes had gone from a hard blankness to something else entirely. The normally light blue was now dark and clouded with desire. The sudden change triggered another twisting feeling inside Rosie, but this time in her gut.

Pope, Kiara, and even John B, whom Rosie had confided in, didn't seem to notice the tension between the pair. Or how close together they were. They were too engrossed in their own dancing and eating in-between.

So Rosie and JJ continued dancing--his hands on her waist, and hers in the air. Despite the burning urge, they never moved closer. Just looked at each other. No words, no sound, no feeling.

-

taglist:

@tangledinsparkles @lovelymaybankk @my--heroine@thelonelyumbrella @floretsoleil @flick24 @books-netflix-and-pizza@dad-ee-drea @dolanfivsosxox​ @anahgiedd @love-bean​ @maleriefay @mrs-maybank @shawnssongs​ @downbytheouterbanks​ @lostwnoah @2410slb​ @daygiowvibe​ @thesailbells​

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i think tumblr is shadow banning me or something.. idk what’s going on but these posts aren’t showing up on tag pages and my notes have disappeared :( but here’s next chapter anyway!

[homosociallyyours]

If you were making a mixtape (or I guess Spotify playlist or whatev) for someone who had never heard the Indigo Girls before, what would you put on it?

OOH thank you, I love this question!! 

I hate spotify so much, but if I didn’t I would make a legit playlist over there (maybe I will?)-- as it stands this is just a tracklist. I’m putting an explanation of the list below a cut, hopefully it won’t flood anyone’s dash with a text wall!!

1) Closer to Fine2) Land of Canaan3) Kid Fears, live with Trina Meade4) You and Me of the 10,000 Wars5) Three Hits6) Watershed7) Galileo8) Romeo and Juliet (cover)9) Power of Two 10) Mystery11) Reunion12) Language or the Kiss 13) Shame on You14) Get Out the Map15) Go16) Ozilline17) Fill It Up Again18) Heartache for Everyone19) Cordova20) Lay My Head Down21) Pendulum Swinger22) Three County Highway23) True Romantic (!!!!!)24) I’ll Change25) Share the Moon26) Southern California is Your Girlfriend27) Don’t Think Twice, It’s Alright (cover)28) Shit Kickin’

1) Closer to Fine-- this is the song that people are most likely to know, a true classic. Boppy and fun, but with that noodle-y philosophizing I love from Emily. 

2) Land of Canaan-- an Amy song that defines her early songwriting style and hints at her love of rock and punk with the driving guitar. 

3) Kid Fears-- hauntingly layered, with a special appearance by Michael Stipe. Though tbh I prefer the version from Staring Down the Brilliant Dream (their most recent live album) with Trina Meade of Three5Human. When she comes in with “are you on fire?” it’s-- electric. I think the first time I heard it I gasped and clutched my chest. 

4) You and Me of the 10,000 Wars-- perhaps a bit of a deep cut, but one of my favorite early Emily songs. This was a great time for Emily, songwriting wise imo. 

5) Three Hits-- I think Amy was kind of starting to experiment with her sound here and also trying to push beyond the typical personal style of writing that often marks folk rock/singer-songwriter music. Also I’m soft for this entire album (rites of passage); I remember buying it at the mall on cassette with money I got at Christmas. 

6) Watershed-- this song has BIG Saturn return vibes, and has the absolutely excellent line, “every five years or so I look back on my life and have a good laugh.” 

7) Galileo-- another Emily song (I’m not kidding when I say she killed it lyrically from around ‘90-’96 or so) that touches on big philosophical questions with a kind of refreshing lightheartedness. This one is another song many people will have heard before. 

8) Romeo and Juliet (cover)-- this song gets better with each live performance, so it would be fair to include a live version. But I like the album version just as well, and you can’t deny the punch of a dyke singing about the girl who loved her and left her. 

9) Power of Two-- another classic. Soft af. Goddamn it Emily Saliers you beautiful lesbian bard, you really just wrote A Very Gay Experience into a song just like that. 

10) Mystery-- Emily is getting her due right now bc Amy is gonna rise up a few albums later and kick ass. This song, though? So, so gay. I have thought about the lyrics once a day for the past 25 years or so, probably. “Maybe that’s all that we need is to meet in the middle of impossibility?” YES GIRL, my inner dyke and my outer dyke are all screaming. 

11) Reunion-- musically I think this song just does some nice stuff, ok? Also fuckin’ relatable if you’ve ever gone to a reunion and been like-- ehhhh this could end badly but here we go. 

12) Language or the Kiss-- had to add another Emily song because this one is just. so good, ok?? this album is prime Emily!!!!

13) Shame on You-- this one got a lot of radio play in my hometown, and I remember rolling down the window and driving with it blasting. Amy was really starting to push into more overtly political lyrics and you can see it on this song. 

14) Get Out the Map-- perfect roadtrip song! Classic Emily vibes!!

15) Go-- Amy gets rockier, with some nice crunchy guitars (please forgive me for not knowing the right words but like. the guitars sound dirty and a little distorted, it’s like chewing chips in your ears in a good way). This is one of the first albums where her skill for heart-twisting lyrics rises up: “did they tell you you would come undone if you tried to touch the sun? Use your years to psych you out? ‘You’re too old to care, you’re too young to count’? Go, go, go.” 

16) Ozilline-- also Amy explores a slightly more bluegrassy sound? I appreciate that songwriting-wise she’s basically pushing herself in two directions on this album: political but not first person and hyper-personal direct narrative. This one is the latter and you feel it. 

17) Fill It Up Again-- another solid Emily bop! (I should mention I’m not putting on anything from Become You bc while I adore it I think it’s one of their weaker albums over all-- it was one of their last for epic and they were READY to get off a big label, so maybe they rushed it?

18) Heartache for Everyone-- one of my fave Amy songs of all time, would love to hear this covered by so many people. I just love it. Everything. 

19) Cordova-- I am absolutely just including this because it breaks my heart? Idek why. I think I just have such a strong mental picture that goes along with it that’s informed by nothing other than a story I think works with it and. Yeah. It’s not typical of an Amy song musically but I love that. 

20) Lay My Head Down-- a little sloppy lyrically, but the heart of it is beautiful. 

21) Pendulum Swinger-- typical Emily political song, very crunchy and green and honestly middle of the road gay democrat, but in a way that’s actually not the most shitty? 

22) Three County Highway-- a spare and lovely Amy song with slight country vibes. 

23) True Romantic-- this song. THIS FUCKING SONG. it’s gorgeous, it’s raw, and there’s something about it coming out in Amy’s raspy voice that makes it a gut punch! I yell about it every few months. I want very much for Louis Tomlinson to cover it and of course he never will. The injustice. 

24) I’ll Change-- I think this song stands right up with Emily’s earlier stuff. Honestly Poseidon and the Bitter Bug is a truly solid album and it’s hard to pick only a couple of songs from it. 

25) Share the Moon-- a tender and lovely Amy song, the only one I really like off this album (Beauty Queen Sister). I tried listening to the rest of the album so much and ended up putting this song on repeat instead. 

26) Southern California is Your Girlfriend-- ever since I saw a video of Amy and Emily playing this song while Amy’s kid sat listening I was in love. It’s different for Amy but in such a good way. 

27) Don’t Think Twice, It’s Alright (cover)-- this is a great live cover that has Michelle Malone on guest vocals. She was such a staple on their tours for such a long time (and maybe still is, but not on the west coast). 

28) Shit Kickin-- this one is off their upcoming album, and it’s such a good playlist ender? It’s got a kind of funky vibe with lyrics that talk about the pitfalls and problems and pride of southern culture in a way that really resonates with me as a southerner. 

somehow I managed to keep that pretty even--subtracting the two covers i think that Emily and Amy each have 13 songs on here. I might make a somewhat different list on a different day, but this is about right. I would also suggest someone listen to Poseidon and the Bitter Bug, Rites of Passage, Swamp Ophelia, and Staring Down the Brilliant Dream if they wanted a deeper dive into what I think are some of the best albums/songs over all. (Maybe All That We Let In, too). 

[elizabethrobertajones]

14x01 watching notes

RIP Kip, we hardly knew ye.

Well hey, returning friends and people who unwittingly clicked on this not knowing exactly what they're in for. Blowing off the dust and starting a new season of Dabb fuckery, which I spent way too long trying to think of a portmanteau for when I already have the episode downloaded

It's 5am, let's DO THIS.

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So they start with Dean's Hi I Am A Cop On The Day Before I Retire speech re: hula girls and hawaiian t-shirts which is remarkably prescient of me to have been irrationally upset about that one detail after I binged most of season 13 last night to get me back in the mood. So now I have to elaborate on my one line textpost >.>

Because yes, that is the perfect note to start the season on: Dean thought the good times had rolled, allowed himself to hope, assembled himself a family with mom and step-pop (Bobby counts as a full father but AU Bobby is step-pop), brother, husband, kid... Said kid was promising A World Without Monsters aka Dabb's showrunning tagline for an endgame he teases them. And Lucifer was tucked safely away in an AU with the murderous Michael... And then in a series of events it all came crumbling down and with this amount of goodness in his grasp, he gave up what even when the real Michael was hounding him for it, he couldn't before.

Because in season 13 it is beyond obvious that Dean is tired, an Old Hunter, the best of his game but ready to bow out on that note, and yet for him it's not a matter of stepping back and letting someone else handle it because when Michael and Lucifer were involved, it was beyond personal. He and Sam only EXIST because Lucifer and realMichael wanted them to. And so there was no way this trouble would come to someone else's door, when it was the nasty angel on his shoulder and the devil on Sam's and we have Nougat as their collective responsibility who's the nexus of it all anyway.

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Eeee the Road So Far text is glowy grace colour on a dark blue background. I'm JIZED for the title card.

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Goodness, the Road So Far is a weird journey because we see Jack being all useful and magic and then callbacks to 13x01 and 2 where he was a messed up 2 day old and Dean just wanted to murder him.

I haven't outlined any expectations for this episode or even this recap but I suddenly realise that I should probably be wondering how much DeanCas we're gonna get in it, and this rage against Jack is subtextually motivated, for sure, but for me the first 6 episodes of Dean's grief arc were wonderful character stuff but removed from the main plot and therefore in my head I keep boxing them off like a bubble season, like 10x01-3 are, and I legit wasn't even expecting to SEE content from them in the recap, because brilliant as they are I sort of just forgot they were a part of this season despite watching them yesterday. The season for me became so much the Jack And Mary Search that this hiccup at the start didn't meet the requirements to be in season 13 :P

They're just That Time Dean Was Really Sad About Cas Then He Came Back And They Were Cowboys

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Oh good there was "everybody we've lost" and then a recap of Cas dying and then - oh, we're recapping plot again? Er... everybody? Dean? Who else? DEAN?

this was the thinly veiled subtext of that line anyway since Dean waved off Mary and made it all about Cas anyways but. Yikes, editing team.

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Jesus I watched season 13 yesterday and I forgot about Asmodeus. You know what, this is pre-coffee AND the 2 types of anti-brain fog medication I gobble in the morning.

But he's that much of a useless lump

Also too much Lucifer nipple on screen pre-coffee. Ick.

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Nice recapping of Not The Levitating Fight.

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NOW

Stock photo Nyoom of the season!! Hi Baby! You aren't in this episode because Eugenie said the car wasn't being used this season

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Sam's got his Vengeance Eyes on but he's all scruffy and grown up so I trust him 10000% to get the job done.

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OW. FUCK. OW. OWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW. GOOD USE OF INTERSTITIAL MUSIC

Why were you even listening to Dean's tapes if they fuck you up that badly? IS THIS YOUR VENGEANCE PLAYLIST? I'VE BEEN WAITING 10 YEARS

Actually, I haven't, I binged 4-5-6 as one unit after thinking the show was cancelled during the writers' strike but the point is that Sam and his ipod in 4x01 is immediately in my head because he was listening to his own music and being a hipster douche, but now he is not on demon blood he has not installed an ipod dock because he's GETTING DEAN BACK, DAMMIT but at the same time he's also realising that this means a heavy toll that the only driving music in the car is Dean's stuff...

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Oh no, this must be the guy from the SDCC clip we hadn't seen because Osric Chau is banned forever for illegally uploading them all for us in the past, and all I know is that Deanchael is going to Fuck Him Up and I feel very bad for him

*raises my mug to Osric* I'm sure you tried, dude. And thanks for the previous years.

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Hi Deanchael. I noticed in a promo pic that his tie has that sacred geometry type pattern on it which is a detail I made a mental note to type out literally anywhere in the like month between there and here and did not so here it is at a hopefully appropriate place.

Based on every other scene setting detail I suspect that this faithful man is actually still within the USA because this is literally the cabin set they re-use for everything. The spoilers made it sound like Deanchael was globe trotting to raise his army but now I see what's around us... Yeah no he's as focused on the US as every other big bad before.

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Anyway they really specifically chose this prayer to Allah because of how pointed it was about being only for Allah and how he was the best, so I'm assuming Deanchael is here to be like yo God's gone and I'm your last chance of faith

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Like just ruin his day and he got up at like 4am or whatever the first prayer is to do it and all

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I hope, like, no offence to any Muslim viewers or anything >.> They sure play fast and loose with a lot of this stuff because Christian cultures are full of bitter non-believers raised in the culture and looking to kick up at the big guy in the sky, which is not an impression I get that Islam is as used to cultural flippancy, regardless of personal beliefs of residents of predominately Muslim countries and cultures. I'm not 100% sure though, because the closest link I've got is my raised-Christian Iranian friend who applies Christian eye-rolling to the issues with being in Iran and heathen so I still get that perspective of middle fingers up at Organised Religion from our discussions about it all... anyway big diversion, still waiting for coffee to kick in :P I just swallowed the last of it so I can only get more jittery from here on out!

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It's so fuckin weird to see Dean's face confidently reciting verse in Arabic

I mean you don't need the hat, sir. I get it. It's not you in there.

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Well so far anyway he's playing on the fact that the guy does pray to god and his angels.

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Lol @ this man guessing his way through God AND Gabe to Deanchael's annoyance that he's the 3rd guess and he has to clarify that he's the better one.

Man, Gabriel worked on his reputation. I wouldn't have been able to tell you who Michael was because there wasn't even a kid in my class with that name when I was age 4 busy portraying Gabriel in a nativity play with full impish glee that the real deal would have been proud of.

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Uhoh things aren't looking good for Jamil D: Asking for peace and love is good, you funky little hippy.

Is Deanchael implying that the Syria insurgency is the route to peace? I honestly don't know enough about the American foreign policy politics to know what sort of stance this is though from a liberal leaning show (I mean come on Bobo is a card-carrying socialist, I've seen it on Twitter :P), though to an outside viewer well aware of how fucked up it all is should this have been said on a British program, this is a vast over-simplification.

But we know Michael's main traits are Likes War and then also Warmonger and of course, spoilin' for a fight. So this may be a personal judgement and as much as they're bringing politics into their show I'm just backing right on out and going with this :P That he thinks it is more honourable to stay and fight and that Jamil is a hypocrite for not sticking around to work for peace actively.

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Oh Jamil hooked up with a woman called Darleen. He is FOR SURE in America.

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It's so funny to me that Deanchael can fly anywhere and they could have set this anywhere but it still ends up being a wooden cabin in the US. This has to turn out to be a lead to follow with a news report about the poor guy or else this is just hysterical that they couldn't be arsed to mock up even a hint of another country :P

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He knew all this about Jamil beforehand so I have to assume he's really just here to drag him.

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Man, that throw was GOOD. I'm assuming they either spent all summer playing with wires and stunts or else they've gone back to the drawing board on all this flinging people around business.

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"A better world" oh we are so on for this World Without Monsters malarky still. This lines up with the clip from Dean they opened on so well - the dark irony of he and Michael working on the same project but from different angles. Dean wants to sort out monsters and bad things so he can go on a beach, aka his version of paradise, and Mikey wants to smush all the sinners, and clean up the planet, which is HIS version of paradise.

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HECKIN GOOD TITLE CARD

now photoshop those wings on everyone

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I LIKE SCRUFFY BULLET MAKER FROM THE AU.

He's like so happy to be in a world where you just casually have resources.

Meanwhile poor Maggie has become the de facto nurse and hates it.

Ugh the Bunker is a place where people just show up who yell "Soup's on!"

In my redshirt betting pool, Soups On is the first guy who dies.

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Promo sceeeeene

I'm so happy Sam and Mary are doing this together. Last season Sam was so upset that Dean got to have a relationship with her, and he had missed out, but without Dean around - no offence to him - Sam and Mary may be focused on FINDING him but this is the work they also need to do for their relationship to start to ground it in something real. It's taken this long with all the separations, but remember that Mary also worked through some of her issues about Sam only last season in the AU with 6 month old Jack. And if she needed that sort of reminder and relationship to warm her up for Sam, her suddenly-grown 6 month old, then there were still a LOT of underlying issues that dated back to the start for her to overcome. Hopefully this puts them on a level playing field, though there's a new conflict brewing for them, with Mary's determined optimism vs Sam's pessimism, born of that depression from last season that never really got treated or resolved, they just managed to power past its current main triggers. Of course now it all just shifts in a Deanward direction.

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I love how Ketch has been punted to London, at Buckleming discretion to drag him back. This wasn't even Bobo punting him out the door, and he and Buckleming have a violent back and forth over favourite characters, started in 9x06 with Bobo's very first episode when he banished Professor Morrison forever.

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MARY TRIES MOMMING SAM TO GO TO BED

THEN SCRUFFY GUN GUY IS LIKE "CHIEF"

Chieeeeeeef.

Sam runs the shooow here and I love it. He's their badass MoL hunter leader, a scruffy saviour from another world.

Given Sam is wearing the same shirt and jacket in the promo pics I'm guessing he does not sleep, though I hope he gets to eat the soup.

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"Maggie can you hack the traffic cams?" "um. no."

I love and support Maggie. She is a normal person who happened to live in apocalypse world and she just wants to flirt with the guy from the Gas n Go who probably hasn't talked to her since that got blown up and Jack attacked him over her... I mean, this is better than the AU world but maybe she just wants to be normal? Did anyone ask Maggie what she wanted??

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SAM. You can eat your soup and run things at the same time! Get back here and eat that soup!

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"yes sir"

Goodness, this is wonderful. Sam's doing what he was born to do, and then not because that was leading a friggin demon army, but then yes because he's got inherent leadership traits that he defers to Dean all the time because, well, he's there, and he's big bro.

Look, sometimes you need big bro to murder Satan's ass for you forever, but you also should be calling the shots. There's a balance here, where Dean can be the older brother, but Sam can be the boss. Work/life balance. Dean's got your back but you command an army of hunters, like we've all been salivating over since like season 8 when they first said the MoL ran the Bunker as the hub of operations dictating stuff to trusted hunters and the like.

Of course, if Sam is the Bobby here, then who is the AUBobby? I hope we see what's up with that soon, I've been wanting them to bristle those beards in an alpha way at each other for months, because AUBobby was their leader before Sam because Sir Chief.

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"Sam."

"i'm good"

*mothering intensifies*

"i'm GOOD"

*mothering intensifies*

"How's Jack"

You aren't used to being mothered and it's murdering me completely to my soul. Dean's got SO MUCH MOTHERING all through the show compared to you. He even sees Jody as a mom friend while you crush on her like crazy so you haven't even got that!!!!

Because Chief Sam is the boss of this lot but at the SAME TIME he's getting all these soft tender mom moments he's never got to have before. It's a wonderful balance of nuances to his current life. He's overworked but surrounded by a supportive care team that respects him, gives him soup, and holds his hand, literally in Mary's case. And yet he's the scruffy macho competent boss who knows how to call all these shots, deputise, set up missions, but still knows more than them, how to do traffic cams, I'm sure years of lore over most of these hunters who only learned to deal with what got thrown at them in the apocalypse by trial and error because when do they get lore books? Mary and Bobby and other pre-apocalypse hunters would be few and far between to offer competent training to a populace suddenly all turned hunter.

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Oh, AUBobby is beating up Jack. Perfect.

-

AAAH DIRECTED BY TJW

WAS NOT ADEQUATELY HOLDING ONTO SEAT

WARN A GIRL

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I love finally seeing the training room but I'm deeply conscious that this is where Put Up Your Dukes starts and I can't get that fan fic out my mind so I'm just like, Jack, don't lie on the floor, your dads have banged there.

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I'm so happy that AUBobby is nurturing a grandson, because this is the difference between him and Bobby - that our Bobby had that with Sam n Dean, but AUBobby never did. Though he DID have Mary Campbell to crush on, I doubt it would have softened him and rounded out the harsh places in his soul the same way raising Sam and Dean did, because he had an unrequited love and she hadn't gotten over John, while this recently widowed Mary Winchester actually has made better progress just because of the circumstances of the loss. Anyways Jack has no preexisting history with Bobby so there's nothing weird about him and AUBobby stepping into a nurturing relationship, that Sam n Dean would find uncomfortable in a way, given their relationship with Bobby. And Jack gets yet another strong figure to teach and guide him.

AUBobby looks slim and stands tall compared to Bobby, which I'm largely putting down to posture, and not being drowned in layers. I like this difference - Bobby almost never voluntarily dressed in 1 layer, but AUBobby has a more military slant, and this training sergeant routine with Jack is a good fit to show a difference in his character, that isn't surly old Bobby behind his desk, that he's involved in teaching Jack to fight, rather than helping hunters with lore and swigging whiskey.

I'd assume given the lack of availability in his AU, he's considerably less alcohol dependant, so this is a very different character thing. If Bobby were doing this training, and nothing else was different, he'd be taking a breather to pour them both a whiskey as he imparts wisdom.

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Demon in nice shoes and dark sunglasses at night to indicate that yes I am a demon I have black eyes :P I assume this is a demon anyway not just because of this detail but pre-season spoilers

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Ah hearing Cas's name is enough to make my heart pick up. MY GUY!

But then, "Castiel, darling"

Stop trying to make Good Omens happen, it's not going to happen. You can't just "darling" up to an angel and expect that good good romance. Crowley took years to wear Cas down and Cas never actually LIKED him, down to their last real interaction where Cas was just "WTF???? LEAVE ME TO ROT AND DIE" when Crowley saved him in 12x12

-

God I miss that

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"Oh god."

Same, buddy.

You do, however, realise this is your first words of the season gifset line, though?

Someone ought to write to Dabb and inform him that people make first and last word gifsets and to be more careful.

Especially if in the last episode at the end of the season, Cas's last word is "Dean"

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Anyway Cas has said 1 line and I can tell he's on top form. Unlike 10x01 he's in a hipster hogroast joint.

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This demon, with dark black sunglasses inside at night (douchebag) just ordered a coffee, black. WE GET IT, ENOBY DEMENTIA DARKNESS RAVEN WAY, YOU ARE GOFFIC AND IT'S AS BLACK AS YOUR SOUL

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LOL Cas is sitting under the JACK'S sign.

Demon douche sits under Schultz, which is the death beer. And lemme tell you, TJW is well-versed in this. So well-versed in it he's sat Cas in front of a classic El Sol flyer with the subtle touch required to tell Dean that Cas is his dream girl. He knows his shit.

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This seriously seems to be implying that the rise of hipster food joints is an effort from Hell to spread chaos on earth

-

Cas sitting with his back to the fire is such an interesting visual, but this is just a note to self for later to guess what it all means

-

THIS FUCKIN DEMON TOOK  HIS BLACK SUNGLASSES OFF TO SHOW OFF HIS BLACK EYES

Dabb is so good at incidental characters, and making me hate this guy for nuanced nonsensical reasons is amazing. This is... art...

-

This is a callback to 5x08 and Dean ranting about hating procedural cop shows then him and sam taking their sunglasses on and off at night every time they made  a pun and I'm 100% convinced since 12x01 and Cas busting through that Mystery Spot sign that Gabriel has been subtly influencing events

-

Okay so we know exactly what is written on demon bathroom walls. I'm taking that as a sideways confirmation that Cain knew full well that Dean had his Colette because he'd seen crude doodles of them doing it

Anyway douchedemon just outright told Cas that all the demons assume he and Dean in particular are banging. Not that Cas bangs Winchesters, as some have implied, without knowing all the details. They've narrowed this info down.

I assume this is also in the Winchester Dossier that Barthamus studied from before meeting them. I love that demons probably do have a filing cabinet somewhere of all the notable assholes they run into in their work, and the Winchesters take up a whole cabinent, but the refresher file summarising them in a paragraph if you don't have time is like, Sam: Lazy boyking, will stab you. Dean: fucking Castiel, will stab you.

-

Cas doesn't even move an eyebrow. Incredible.

-

Cas rarely gets hit with these compared to Dean in the history of the show, and Dean is full of bluster or anger or confusion or alarmed eyebrows. Cas is like... no. fuck you. i'm party!Cas, I have my shit in order.

Though this is from a demon. It's an entirely different thing when Heaven is involved, as they also have their dossier on the winchesters.

Sam: abomination. will banish you. Dean: fucking Castiel. Will stab you.

-

*loud coffee slurp* "what's in it for moi?

Cas, stab him. Stab him now. This is not worth the information. You can find another guy.

-

I'm starting to think Cas with his back to the flames is his unwitting danger from this hellish hogroast place.

-

They use Shultz beer containers to hold the sauces and menus on the table. DEEEEATH

-

Cas speaking slower and threatening to burn him to ash "right here and right now"

this is a gifset that will get a lot of notes from thirsty Cas fans

-

Whaaaaaaaa the entire joint turned out to be owned by and filled with demons who would ever have guessed based on one open fire and that metal hogs head from the promo pics :P

-

Stop hurting him!!!! Misha can't stage fight! This is really unfair!!

I wonder how the poor new awesome fight coordinator took to Misha

"let's just... um..." "hide him behind all these demons?" TJW suggests The fight guy nods sadly.

-

Aww Sister Jo got back to work. Good for her.

-

Sister Jo has no fear and can stroll down a shady alley counting her money

*t-shirt meme* One fear: *flappy wing noises*

"Hey Jo."

-

GHOLY SHIT TRUE FORMS TYHUEOJDSHGFSH DS TRUE FORMS WE SEE WHAT ANGELS SEEE OH MY GOD OH MY GOD SCIENCE HAS CAUGH T UP TO THE DIVINE, SPN CAN FINALL Y SHOW US WHAT ANGELS SEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

-

Holy shit I want the gif of this as my blog header. That's shitting amazing.

-

Burning HALO

ALL HIS CHI POINTS LIT UP EVEN WHEN IT MAKES IT LOOK SILLY TO HAVE HIS CALVES GLOWING

-

I wonder if this is what Danneel sees when she looks at Jensen all the time

-

"Why would he say yes to you?"

"Love"

I'm dying and I am dead. I gather that Dean is 100% absent from this episode, but that one comment puts him front and centre and I am in paaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaain. Everything happening around Michael and because of Michael is because Dean loves his peeps. From Sam staying up hacking traffic cams on vampires to Cas getting his ass handed to him by demons.

-

I bet Cas looks like that single glowstick he had on in the cave when angels look at him.

-

Party!Cas

-

I ruined the fun

-

Jensen gently touches Danneel's face and that's just rude because that's all his tenderness for his wife being turned into a scary villain move between Deanchael and Jo. Don't do this to them!!!

-

Oooof Deanchael pulls from Dean's memory of Anael about what she was like, describing her in the most Cas-like terms, then cuts through her hilarious bull about wanting handbags (this is so meta about sticking middle fingers in the faces of people who think she's a well-paid beard) and then starts telling her she wants love and a family.

Deanchael has used the word "love" twice in a scene and it's horrifying to see the word come out of his face, when Dean is so guarded. Now Deanchael is just looking through Sister Jo and analysing what she wants - and she's playing this game very well but this move of his might still beat her. Because ow. Telling her she wants belonging and family. When she's very much established as a Cas mirror by the reminder she ran away from Heaven and doesn't want to play by their rules.

"It's very, very human of you. And so disappointing." Did all those times Lucifer sucked her grace bring her close to feeling it? To the point of permanent damage? I only ask because I know another guy this might apply to.

-

I wonder how much Deanchael is projecting based on conjectures because he knows Cas through Dean's eyes.

-

"But if they're all these sad, lost, fallen things..." Ya, that's Cas too for suresies

-

SAM AND JACK SAM AND JACK

Jack sitting quietly in meditation, clearly unsettled. A parallel to 13x23 when Dean came rushing in to him having a nightmare, now Sam is having a crack at parenting the boy.

-

Jack lying about how things were fine. Nougat. Hon. You're human now. But not that good at being human. Sam knows your tells :P

-

Sam interrupted mid pep-talk by Mary with some nonsense.

Jack is always so ugh... accepting and kinda flippant. He knows parental figures can be disappointing and get dragged away mid peptalk by some business.

Which he's apparently not involved in. I guess after we see him going on hunts with them in 13x23, he's grounded until he goes through basic training so not only is he useless to help with his powers to find Dean, but he can't even do the easy hunter stuff because he's just a kid.

-

Aww my poor baby Nougat :( He's so angsty. He's a TEEN. Lookit him! All growed up!

-

Uuugh I guess this is Nick. "I didn't talk to him. I can barely look at him."

What I'm getting from this sequence mainly is the sound of Triss's rage at the Bunker layout.

-

*Mary pats Sam's shoulder supportively and walks off*

You're on your own, Chief.

-

Ugh I am not ready for this bull if it's Nick but I have to keep watching to be sure :P

-

Ew it is. EW. What does Mark P HAVE on you all.

At least TJW is shooting the heck out of this to show us how gross Sam finds this all.

Sam's shadow falling over Nick.

I really want to know how this bullshit happened. And yet. No, not really.

-

Oh gross AND they're making Mark P take off his shirt. The nipple I didn't want to see in the Road So Far was not warning enough.

Pre-season ugh speculation was that whatever Crowley did to Nick made him stronger and more permanent apparently even than Lucifer being stabbed out of him.

-

So yeah anyway I guess Jack is in part also sulking about this and I'm with him, because Sam being pulled away from their pep talk time to deal with Gross Man Associated With My Father But Not Actually Him Because Biologically I Am The Son Of A Non-Historical President...

-

Making Sam the one who has to care for Nick is utterly cruel. He has so many deputies. Maybe this is just his personal fear that Nick's still a bit Lucifery. Maybe he just sees this as a gross burden, a manifestation of the ongoing trauma from Lucifer, that even when he's dead he lingers.

-

Plus, it's giving us some reassurance that an angel can be ousted from a vessel without killing them, to throw some options into the Deanchael pot.

-

Still. Nick. Really.

-

I bet Jack is sulking because some little cosmic part of him regenerating deep down in his core, that one lil gold glowy chi point in his big toe, knows that Eugenie forgot his name at SDCC and called him "Nick" and this shit from your creator just weighs on you. Jack is an entity beyond Buckleming and yet born from them, and this is what they beget: forgetting their own child in favour of this old carcass.

-

bitter? moi? *sips coffee noisily*

-

Actually, that's not true but I need some tea because I'm sulky so I'm taking this ragebreak to go make some and then I will sip it noisily in Nick's direction. :P

-

Everything henceforth is under the jurisdiction of hot drink no.2

-

"I don't understand how Lucifer could die and I could live"

I hate you

Eurgh, I bet you anything Dabb pulled a Buckleming and just took the post-it note they gave him when he asked, er, HOW does this happen? and transliterated it into dialogue because 1: all the writers shade Buckleming all the time because I can literally see it ooze out of Perez and Yockey and Bobo's writing but this is the showrunner, guyses. 2: it's such a dumbass convoluted explanation that it only burns out the archangel but if you non-fatally stab it then the guy is fine.

Which begs the question of how the fuck is Gabriel because if we get anything good from this, that fucker is in one hell of an interesting vessel situation compared to Old Nick.

-

PS: I am not sure how culturally saturated this is so we are all clear that Old Nick is a historically used name for Satan and his name has been a joke since 5x01 thanks to Kripke, and now we have to actually deal with that.

-

And then Nick is actually sympathetic to how Sam feels looking at him. I guess Mark P really wants us to feel sympathetic to his new dude.

-

"And Michael... did he tell Lucifer anything about his plan?"

Listen, we NEED acknowledgement that for a month or so Lucifer and AUMichael roadtripped together to assemble from their AU the key of solomon, the fruit of the tree of life, and the blood of a most holy man.

There was a lengthy downtime while people settled in and Dean was allowed to think the Good Times were rolling, and all that time, the weirdest brother roadtrip show ever was going on in the AU, mad enough that I would actually find it hilarious to watch despite enduring Mark P as a result of it.

-

SAM DOES NOT DESERVE THIS

He's not allowed to rest, ever.

-

I bet this is douchdemon phoning him from Cas's phone.

-

"Hello Sam!" says a perky voice down the phone. It's INCREDIBLE how unlikeable this demon is making himself. He's actually my favourite character now.

-

Oh no, Nougat is wearing a different grey shirt. He's really depressed. Someone help him.

-

"He just told you he was a demon?" "he seemed proud of it too"

Sam hates him as well. I can't wait for Sam to come scowl at him.

-

"What do we do?" Maggie asks, completely wide-eyed. Oh honey. Poor, innocent, sheltered Maggie. What were you doing all apocalypse until we caught up with you? You aren't hardened, you're adorable.

-

AUBobby and Rufus (his gun)

-

"I'm coming too!" YAY JACK. Your father is in trouble, he's on a hunting trip and he hasn't been home in a few days, but what a different world all the rest is

-

"I'm not as strong, but I can help," he says, looking tiny beside Sam, bruised up from AUBobby's training, a single layer to make him look even smaller...

(we do not talk enough about how all these jackets are a sort of alpha being shoulder plumping thing like when you make yourself look huge to scare off a mountain lion but that's 100% what this is)

IT MADE JACK SMILE yey he's allowed to feel useful! Pop is allowing him to go on a mission to rescue Dad who was looking for Papa when this all went down.

Grandpapa is not so pleased, because AUBobby has been measuring how useful Jack is and I feel like lil Nougat bab is going to do something mildly heroic for Cas or else get pasted for his ongoing character development for the season...

-

"He needs this, Bobby."

-

Dear LORD does he not quit? We don't even know his name? "Are you sure I can't get you anything... hot... or black?" FUck OFF

No wonder by the promo pic Cas looked so utterly done. This is exhaustingly annoying for him. Cas's personal hell is just irritating people. A line of Crowleys and Lucifers and this jerkwad chattering at him.

-

And yet Dean runs his mouth all the time and Cas is in luuuurve

-

Oh lordy are we really doing this coffee metaphor now? "Coffee has no effect on me" (but he once acquired the taste, and it was a core part of him being human and learning to human in the opening shot of 9x06 for him as his metaphor for how he was learning)

"me either *sluuuurp* not any more. But it's like saltwater taffy or infants. I just like the taste."

-

"I'm just being a good host like mother would have wanted"

Cas stops mid eyeroll to eyeroll HARDER at meeting ANOTHER demon with mommy issues. Like, please. Don't. I like Rowena now but can we NOT.

-

Party!Cas of Dabb era is my favourite iteration of Cas by a country mile.

-

"Why are you using me as bait?" "it's kind of what you're for"

Oh Cas. Now he's just the damsel in distress, which I guess is a step up from being an attack dog, but still isn't that great for the ego stroking about his role and use within the Winchester family, an ongoing source of stress for him, this reminds us.

-

Cas's faith in Sam is wonderful. like, as soon as douchmon says he needs something from Sam, Cas just SMIRKS like, OH BUDDY. BUDDDYYY. No, I'm not gonna say it. I'm just - "you think he'd make a deal with you?" I'm ... I don't laugh as a rule but inside? Hilarious.

-

"Somebody asked me what it was that I wanted" You know, I think Deanchael is INCITING people. he's not killing any of them, just using the revelation of his appearance to motivate them - moving Sister Jo to do what she wants, which is to re-organise Heaven with the ideas she had as a button pushing functionary... visiting world leaders and holy men, and this douche...

To what end, though? Chaos? This is a roundabout way to make a better world.

-

"Destroying, Drinking, Defiling, you know, the 3 Ds" they absolutely have posters up in Hell with this on for the newbies to learn.

-

We've seen Heaven's staffroom, I DEMAND to see the break room in Hell, with all its lurid Destiel smut doodled on the walls and so on

-

Anyway it's a hell of a question, pun intended, because demons have no real purpose, even the named baddies have largely been slaves to someone else's will (Lucifer or Crowley) and Crowley could not have answered that question from the start of season 6 through to the moment he chose to sacrifice himself... I don't think any of TFW 2.0 or Bunker Squad could answer it fully. Cas can't, and that's the question that's been bugging him since 9x06 -

EPHRAIM Shh-shh-shhh. It'll be over soon. I'll take the pain away.

CASTIEL I want to live.

EPHRAIM But as what, Castiel? As an angel? or a man?

and it's what his entire crisis in season 10 was over... Who ARE you Castiel? What do you WANT?

-

Dean wants a Beach Vacation Ending. He figured it out and as narrative punishment, he's Deanchael. No one else has sorted it out, though, but Sam got close - he had his pizza dream and was immediately punished with being eaten by vampires and resurrected by Lucifer and all that drama... Sam's work isn't done. Though his growth has taken a huge leap, now he has to figure out what he wants in this NEW setting, and we're only just MEETING Chief Sam in this iteration, so he's got a lot of work to do.

-

"I gave it a good think and I worked out exactly what I wanted. Everything."

Deanchael definitely is planning for this, so watch out buddy.

-

SAM DRIVING, MOM IN SHOTGUN

RED ALERT

-

Uhoh Sam's snapped because of the optimism Mary exudes. Yep, he really was nearly at the last straw in their earlier convo when he scoffed at her attempts to cheer him up.

Look, she's trying to mom you with no experience except adopting Jack. Work with her.

-

Sam is spiralling with the depression, this time all the bad things that could have happened to Dean and how they're never going to find him, throwing these horrible scenarios at Mary to stop her trying to comfort him.

-

"I know. I know he's out there, scared and alone." She sees lil 4 year old Dean. Because, I mean, that is the soul Dean bears to her when they have moments sometimes. And her optimism is a wall against thinking of her toddler in this scenario.

"I know. I know he might not come back. Never think I don't know that. But I can't - I have to think about the good, Sam. Because if I don't, I will drown in the bad." I wonder who that directly relates to who is currently driving this car.

I really hope this is a bit of vindication for Mary - or redemption to the eyes of the people who don't like her - that she does care, and she's spelling out her approach to all this. In the start of season 12 when she was trying to keep afloat she used a lot of optimism and furious paddling on the surface, because she has been doing that her whole life. When she was being raised a hunter, when she was a housewife with no clue what she was doing, a mom but he marriage beginning to fall apart... And then thrust into the present day, and it's 360 degrees of combat and loss and sadness and a ill-advised hook up with Ketch... Furious doggy paddling on the surface.

"For Dean's sake, I can't do that. We can't do that." And she shows that she is prioritising Dean, that she's driven and motivated to keep going FOR him.

Come on, give her a chance.

-

Nyooom.

-

Meanwhile in the Jack and Bobby truck, Jack is the one angsting and Bobby is the one driving.

Jack is one years old and not legally old enough to drive.

-

Bobby peptalks him with the reminder that when Jack had his grace he did hero things for these people, which is why he can ride shotgun, and even if he feels useless now, they'll have his back, that he has earned this squad even if he can't be as awesome as he used to.

-

Maggie is like, I'm getting a reaction shot... Am I going to develop feelings for Jack? That would be super weird, he's one years old. I hope no one is implying this even though I'm in a bunch of scenes getting character focus.

-

Eeeeeeee Sam trusts Mary with the demon killing knife. I am sure they don't call it Ruby's knife to her and he has never, ever told her about that time that thing happened with Ruby.

-

This fucker had his back turned for Sam to enter just so he could turn around dramatically. God he's repellent.

-

An extra was hired to pat Sam down. What a job.

-

"The shoulders. The hair! You are my Beyonce!" I mean, same. Except. Cas is Agent Beyonce so this fuckhead has totally misread this situation.

This gives Sam a moment to look over at Cas and Cas silently says, yes I know he's a total fuckhead, I've been dealing with this all day. I'm so sorry bro, can you just stab him so we can go home and follow a different lead. I don't even care what this one knows, I can't handle him another minute.

-

"I'm more embarrassed than I am hurt" I understand this to my core, and I'm so sorry, Cas.

-

"Kipling. Kip for short."

"Cool. Kip. I'm here." Sam being exactly as "fuck you" as I wanted towards Kip.

Sam is now standing with his head in an El Sol sign. TJW what are you up to bud?

-

Oh no Jack and Maggie got caught skulking. Sam and Cas have the same "my boy!" reaction when they see Cas.

Maggie is here too, you monsters.

But Kip has missed Mary and AUBobby

-

"It's just late capitalism, you understand" Yeah, and fuck you Kip.

-

How is Kip so irritating that he can make tapping a stool somehow the most obnoxious thing a man could do? He's WONDERFULLY well-cast. I love this actor. He's chewing scenery and it's incredible.

-

"What do you want?" Ow, Sam being twisted into asking the same thing Deanchael asked Kip

-

"Ass-modeus Kentucky Fried" listen you are still the worst but that drew a sympathetic smile and I hate it and I hate you.

-

Oh, Sam just Sammed something from that side glance, random demon side-eye. Oooh. Oooooooh.

But yeah, Kip asking for the "Crowley Deal" as if it's a package that can be bought from the Winchesters, and not something that Crowley wormed his way into via much back and forth power plays and drama. The Winchester have always had a back and forth with Hell, and since Crowley there have been a lot of demons, like Bart, trying to figure out what exactly it WAS that they all had. But someone has to be in charge, and the Winchesters are the top dog destined hunters with their fingers  in all the world-saving pies, so clashes come naturally. Approaching them like this, first Bart, now this douchenozzle, is meta, presumptuous, overstepping what builds naturally... An attempt to leapfrog to the end where the equilibrium is established.

But Crowley had time to build a long game. These new pretenders are working in a world where the Winchesters' actions have devastated Heaven and Hell alike, and are, like Mary, just trying to keep afloat on the whole thing.

"We never gave Crowley that deal." Because yes, that's how it seemed to play out, and from outsider eyes that's how it may have looked... But each and every interaction came about naturally through the plot, there was no wrangling it. That's just how the Winchesters and Crowley ended up.

And that hole can't be filled by someone just leaping into the chair and asking for it.

Though it is nice if Motown Meats is the new seat of Hell on Earth instead of the outdated exterior asylum interior castle dungeon look Crowley set up.

-

"You're no Crowley. I know that. So do they." I think that was what Sam Sammed out of the demons, and also true, and ALSO is this the boyking accidentally exerting himself, knowing what's good for Hell? I always get a lil tingle in my thumbs when Sam gets too involved in knowing what's up with Hell.

-

Holy shit Kipling was a Mongolian warlord who rode with Genghis Khan in life. PLEASE survive this episode, I want to hate you all season. PLEAAAASE I BEG YOU.

-

Oh my god this insecure whinging asshole, chowing down on the scenery like there's no tomorrow. "I'D EAT YOUR HEART" *turns to weepy and quiet* "before I show you who I really am..."

This is Eddie Redmayne in Jupiter Ascending levels of scenery eating. He's gonna pick up a barstool and take a bite out of it now.

-

Sam is doing this all unarmed, which is something to remember, because this is the fucker who talked his way into killing the Alpha Vamp while MOSTLY unarmed for a majority of that chat.

-

Sam Fucking Winchester.

-

AUBOBBY AND RUFUS!!!!

Also mary.

-

But AUBobby gets a slow mo for Rufus shooting demons.

-

HOLY SHIT MARY'S SLOW MO

I am pregnant

-

MARY THROWING SAM THE KNIFE

-

TJW was like this fight is too fast, my guy. We need to slow it down.  You're so good at your job no one's gonna see what happened unless we go slow mo.

he and the fight guy high five

-

"Aw, balls."

Hey, Nougat tried. He's got a squishy hero centre.

Looks like he weighs nothing and now he's human he goes down in one punch. Owie.

-

"Here take this. You know how to use it?" "Uh! Stab them with the pointy end!?" "pretty much"

Maggie you precious girl why are you HERE. Why is Soups On or Gnarly Gun Guy not here?

-

Cas you fucking damsel in distress

-

Fight guy is like "uuuuh do I have to"

Misha is like "I'm good here, tbh"

-

SAM FUCKING WINCHESTER

(Aw, Kip's dead, he was fun)

-

"ENOUGH"

YES SIR

-

"There will be NO NEW KING OF HELL"

You are gonna get demon minions like fucking ducklings you ass

-

"Not ever. And if anyone wants the job, you can come through me" Sam is technically immortal so long as Rowena is alive and vice versa you know. Also, how long is he planning on defending Hell? Ever?

I'm stalling from how much I have to scream about how badass Sam was throwing down that declaration that he's now essentially the trial a pretender to the throne has to pass to take the job.

Because if I was a demon... FUCK NO would I want to tangle with this fucker.

-

Sam's file, updated: Current King Of Hell. Will Kill You. AVOID.

-

Sam is fucking terrifying. I love it. He scared demons out of their meatsuits. Sam walking into a room is now a reason to eject and abort mission. God. This guy.

-

Remember in season 1 when demons were scary? Oo er this isn't our sort of thing... halp.

Now Sam looks them in the eye and is like, fuck off. I'm scarier than any of you.

-

"That's what I thought"

Cas is literally giving you the reverse look of in 4x16 when you marched in and fried Alastair's brain.

-

SAM GOT A NEW SHIRT thank god.

I should amend: he did all this wearing blue plaid with orange stripes.

Sam Fucking Winchester.

The BMoL definitely didn't have the right birth certificate because that's his legal middle name.

-

Sam n Caaaaas my GUYS. I hope this is the 10x01 convo but, like, not. Flip flip flip those pancakes, Dabb my guy.

-

Cas, hon, you're still so beat up you have blood trails coming out of your nose. There's not really caring about your meatsuit because it heals eventually, but there's also washing your fucking face, because Sam's had time to change his shirt and get a beer so what were you doing?

-

Probably staring at a picture of Dean on his phone and sighing.

-

Anyway he's here to ask how Sam is, rather than care about himself. Symbolism.

"I've been better. And worse." Worse is 10x01.

Or 4x10's flashbacks. For sure those are the worstest.

Though, this time you are the king of hell and you're wearing a dark shirt and I don't think you have thought this through.

-

The most well-meaning accidental king of hell ever.

-

Sam and Cas share the "to find Dean I'd do anything" look. Be CAREFUL. Cas is literally choosing to wear hubris on his face because he feels bad about his fuck up with going to Kip.

-

Mary! Casual Mary chilling in the kitchen!!

Although, with everyone in the bunker, these rooms are taking on different meanings. The people are chasing out the heavy shadows and ghosts of all the oppressive silences Sam and Dean have filled these corners with.

-

Aw it's Mary and AUBobby. I was half-hoping we'd have her giving beer to Jack, but I guess we need to set up the forward momentum on their relationship for this season.

"Not bad today, old man." "you too, Sunshine."

You do realise that Mary is sitting in the exact same spot as where Dean was when he called Cas "Sunshine" You do know that right I mean you KNOW? This is TJW, he knows. He's a Destiel Shipper of the highest order.

-

Cas pops in on Jack, staring at his busted up face in a mirror, now filling more Winchester angst tropes to make up for lost time. "I'm fine," he says without being asked.  Because 10x01 or 10x02 was where Cas defined "fine" for Hannah and explained to her it's what humans say when things are really not fine but they can't admit it.

-

"You did well." "All I did was get punched. In the face."

I love snarky teen Jack.

"To be fair, we all got punched in the face," Cas says, still covered in hubris.

He has a POINT. He has full right to pull the "I should feel more useless than you" card on Jack.

-

Jack doing the "i'm useless" thing that Cas had to go through when he lost his grace, and Jack was allowed to stay in the Bunker. Is this how Cas would have felt had he not been kicked out?

-

Jack says Michael's out there and he still feels responsible to stop him. There's a very, very very very ver very weird Hamlet vibe from Jack, being forced into a position of emotional responsibility to kill his uncle, but Cas is his once dead now back and not a ghost father, and Jack couldn't kill Michael and so Dean got possessed... I mean, it's not a neat overlay, but Jack wants to kill an uncle, an AUncle, and I feel like in terms of uncle-killing narratives, AU Michael making off with Dean fits about as well to Hamlet's uncle marrying his mom as we're gonna get... I'd love to see how this shapes out because these family narratives since season 11 are becoming deeply shakespearean in the amount of nonsense going on. This sort of supernatural drama is a modern world way to have this kind of heightened emotion and the stakes you find in Shakespearean tragedies, and to force the sorts of reflection on the world and self... I really really dig it. Watching season 13 yesterday really hit me with this feeling all over and I'm delighted that Jack has this arc because I'm so amused/interested to see where this weirdo Hamlet parallel goes for him.

-

"I don't have anything." "Oh Jack" thanks Cas that's what I said out loud "you have me. You have all of us. You have your family." *SHOULDER GRASP*

No hug. Fuck off Cas, with your reassuring shoulder grasps. I know that's the language you've been taught but Dabb era is hug era and you suck.

-

I love that with all of Sam and Mary's doubt and Jack's lack of self worth, it's down to CAS. CASTIEL. CASTIEL WINCHESTER. CASTIEL FUCKING WINCHESTER. PARTY!CAS. to give the actual pep talk of the episode which has ANY conviction behind it. Cas has been fuelled with something MAGNIFICENT since the Empty, and he's turned it up to 11 for Jack here :')

-

Jack makes the smallest smile, then turns back to his mirror.

-

Sam opening the door to his bedroom, framed in darkness. 10x01 parallels again - this shot as well as the demon dean one were repeated a few times through the 3 episode arc, and the demon dean one became iconic but Sam did it too, to Dean's room. Now he goes into his own... empties his pockets... he still has the fucking engraved money clip from Tall Tales because Gabriel is not only not dead but telling this entire story for us... He has the phone, that's off, because Dean is not there, not communicating with him, blah blah. And he has the keys to the Impala. Because he's the chief.

Well, the King of Hell. Damn, it took 14 years to get him there. Azazel is fucking spinning in his grave.

-

Ooh, phonecall! Is it Deanchael? "What do you want?"

Nope, it's Sister Jo! :D She's been standing there ALL NIGHT weighing her options and working out what she wants.

SPIN THAT CHAOS, DEANCHAEL.

-

Deanchael approaches a vampire, and it's that purity of Purgatory, that just wanna eat that fuelled so much of the badass stuff in season 7 with the Leviathan, everything Dean's struggled with when it comes to the black and white world of killing monsters no problem that dates back to Gordon in 2x03, that draws Deanchael to them. Because this is Dean's safe space with Benny, a real relationship based on a bond forged in pure, kill or be killed, eat or be eaten purgatory. Deanchael has the same inner machinery as Dean, because Michael is the worst version of Dean, engineered to be Dean but without love. Dean as a monster. And so it all leads here... D:

-

Well this will be fun :D

[brattywriters-anonymous]

A Rose In Harlem

OC x Erik story

Based on Teyana Taylor’s VII & KTSE

WARNINGS: Cursing, slow burn, Hate at first sight.

Winter, 2013.

A brisk December day approaches Syeda (Syd for short) in her small Uptown studio apartment that she’s dishing out way too much money for. She rubs her eyes in disdain that the sun is up again, she only just gotten to bed three hours ago, working on her lookbook for her fashion line the entire night prior. Syeda worked hard, and played hard. She not only lived the montra, she loved it. She rose out of her bed and stumbled to her bathroom, conveniently tripping over a pile of the clothes that she wore the day before.

She flipped the switch, the fluorescent light flickered its usual three times before turning on completely as her slender framed mug came into full view.  Her view spanned over her caramel skin complexion. Her face lightly covered with faint freckles over her cheeks, her full lips, and the scar under her right cheekbone that her dog gave her when she was nine. She huffed at the faint mark, the loc of frizzy and curly hair that covered her face moved up and down as she did so. She grabbed her red bandana designed iPhone  from the dresser that was adjacent from the other side of the bathroom door and clicked through her Apple Music until she stopped at her Harlem4L playlist, she decided to start her day by blasting Cam’ron x Lil Wayne “Suck it or Not” She dance/strutted back into the bathroom, grabbed her large tooth comb from the counter and began to lip sync, “Ma, I been huggin’ the block/ That’s right. Hustlin’ rocks./ I know I been puffin’ a lot/ But a nigga wanna know baby girl you gon suck it or not?” Her free arm moving along to every other syllable of every bar as if she was Cam himself, rapping at the Apollo Theatre. She chuckled at herself and moved along to the shower, throwing on her shower cap. She was turning on the hot water..or so she thought. The hot water was out again and Mr. Van Den Berg, Syd’s elderly landlord and the tenant in the loft downstairs, said that the plumber came last month and fixed the issue. She groaned and practically threw on her camel colored Uggs before she stomped out the door.

She swung the door open and immediately walked to her left toward the stairway without looking and bumped into someone. She didn’t even take a second to look back, she just said, “My bad.” and made a beeline for Mr. V’s door. He opened the door before Syd’s petite hand could form a fist to knock on it. “Miss mooie bloem, good morning. Heard your dainty footsteps, I knew you were coming down here, how may I help?” She heard the sarcasm in his tone when he mentioned her footsteps. She rolled her eyes, “Mr. V, the hot water is out again, I can’t shower in cold water, It’s December, you gon’ have me out here with the flu or somethin’!”  He shook his head no and grabbed his cordless phone in the same instant to contact the building’s pumber. Syd pressed the power button on her phone to check the time, 9:47am, “Yo Mr. V, I need him here in the next hour. I have a meeting to go to and I can’t be late!” Mr. Van Den Berg nodded his head and stated that Yasin would be there by 10:15. Syd stomped up the stairs she heard a male’s baritone say, “Yeah, your lil ass neighbor bumped into me, didn’t even look back to see if I was okay or anything, cuh!” That accent, he definitely wasn’t from New York, let alone from the east coast. She twisted her doorknob and mumbled, “Well maybe you need to look where you going, CUH.”

--

Syeda had been pacing back and forth in her cramped kitchen for what seemed like hours, She tapped the home button on her phone. 11:01am Fuck. She thought in her mind. She heard two taps on her front door, she swung it open, and went off, “Do you not think that anyone has a fuckin’ life. You’re over thirty fuckin’ minutes late and I was supposed to be gone by now! ARE YOU DUMB?” This brutha stood at least about 6’2”, about 280..maybe 290 lbs. Syeda couldn’t give a fuck less that she was maybe a quarter of his size. She stepped up to him, thinking her 5’1”, 133 lbs. would match up to him by being closer. She was so busy flying off the handle that she didn’t notice her neighbor across the hall, Ziggy (short for his last name, “Zigler”) and the mystery out of towner she ran into earlier were going downstairs, headed out. By the time she got done yelling, they were at the bottom of the staircase and she heard that voice again, “Aye cuh, Couldn’t be me. I would’ve taught her lil wild ass some manners.” Mystery man was faced toward the door and as soon as he finished his rude comment, he was gone. Syd decided to let that ride, since she figured she wouldn’t see him again, and turned her attention back to Yasin. He raised his eyebrow, and took one step past her into the apartment, still staring at her. “Traffic.” he simply stated then he walked straight back to the bathroom.

--

Syeda’s phone began to vibrate and go off, “BESTIE BIIIIIIIIIIIIHHHH” with too many twin and heart emojis to count ran across the screen. She sneered over at Yasin, he was still seated on her toilet seat reaching over the tub, fixing whatever. She looked above the call and saw 11:52. She sighed and accepted the facetime call. Yani, or Ayana when Syd is mad at her, looked directly into the front facing camera, “BITCH. Wher--I KNOW YOUR ASS STILL NOT AT HOME WITH A GOTDAMN SHOWER CAP ON! YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO BE HERE IN LIKE, 10 MINUTES. WHAT THE FUCK!” Syd palmed her face slowly and sighed. “Yani, I knowwwwww. My damn hot water went out again!” She pointed her phone to show Yasin in the bathroom. “Oooooh, damn girl, I know it’s some other pipes that he can fix in that lonely ass apartment of yours.” Yani pointed at Syd’s lower extremities. Syd scoffed and rushed her off the phone, “I’LL BE AN HOUR LATE, BYE BITCH.” beep beep beep. 

The line went dead. For sure, Yasin heard what her obnoxious best friend said about her box, she threw her phone on the bed and tiptoed into the bathroom. Once she reached the doorway, Yasin turned around and slightly jumped. “Oh, I just finished up here, ma. I apologize, my Uncle was supposed to fully replace this pipe when he came here last month. He came in the week before he retired, I guess he got lazy and patched it up.” Syd crossed her arms as he stood up and flashed his million dollar smile, “It should be good now.” Syd is all about details. Being a fashion merch graduate, it’s in her nature. She scanned over his dark chocolate frame, the vain in his lower arm bulging out, the tattoos covering the areas above it. She skimmed up to his face. Well, his full lips. The bottom slightly larger than the top. Now formed into a slight grin. Her lip twisted to the right in reaction to it. She blinked her way out of her trance. “Okay.” She finally replied. Yasin smirked as he made strides to the front door, making his exit. He stopped at her doorway after opening the door. Syd trailed behind him and stopped in the foyer when he turned. “Hey, uhh..” He held his hand out to Syd. She searched over his extended arm to see the Arabic saying on his arm and read it aloud, “Silence is the interpreter of happiness.” She blinked, looking up at him. “Oh, I’m sorry?” He huffed, “Your name, Miss?” She grabbed his hand and shook, “Syd.” Yasin squinted at the young woman that was quite smaller than him with an attitude of a giant. “You know Arabic?” She nodded, “Moms was from Philly, she was raised Islamic. You?” he stroked his thick goatee and rebutted, “My family is Muslim, My mom was raised baptist but she transitioned when she met my pops, My uncles, brothers, cousins, grands.. They’re all Muslim.” “Alhamdulillah!” Syd chanted as she threw her hands up and chuckled. Yasin couldn’t help but laugh with her, her humor and contagious laugh was simply irresistible. “Well, Syd, I gotta go to my next client..but if you free for a late lunch later..maybe we can chop it up over a nice meal?” Syd stepped closer looking him in the eye, “I can let you know.” She handed him her phone to put his number in it. He started typing away when her phone vibrated twice, signaling that she gotten a message. Yasin paused, then finished typing, smiling the entire time. “Alright Miss Syd. Later.” He began his descent to the hallway door. Syd closed her front door, and ran to the shower.

--

Syeda ran down 125th Street to cross over St. Nicholas Ave to get to St. Nick Park. Stumbling past bystanders and bikers on the pavement with a thousand things in her hand with her hair blowing wherever the wind takes it, Syd finally makes it to the meeting spot that her and Yani agreed to host the meeting. She placed her things with her personal assistant, Myles, who is a big ball of fabulousness; Always dependable and has an incredible fashion sense. Yani looked at Syd as if she was a bat flying out of hell and quickly flattened Syd’s curly tresses back to frame her face. She was beginning to look like cousin It. Syd thanked her girl for the assist, “Do I look okay?” Yani assessed. Syd was in a rush, but she picked a black long sleeved crop turtleneck, high waisted light denim mom jeans, and leather knee high boots. She accompanied the outfit with her childhood gold personalized “Syd” necklace and “Syeda” one finger ring, along with her new Off-White yellow label belt. Yani nodded as she looked up to her face. Syd had no time to put on makeup, but she threw on a red ombre lip, lashes, and liner; black at the top, white at the bottom to accentuate her almond eyes. Yani smiled in agreeance. “Yes bitch. You look good!” Syd breathed a sigh of relief as Yani took a seat on the bottom step of “Sentra”, the exhibit from Harlem Studio Museum that she dubbed the perfect meeting spot for the occasion. 

The crowd of people that had been calmly chatting amongst themselves had gotten quiet and all eyes were on Syd. She cleared her throat, “Hello Everyone, My name is Syeda Mari. I am owner and the creative behind UPTXWN Clothing. As you all know by the flyer..” As she grabbed one from the ever dependable Myles. “..I have a lookbook that I am preparing to drop on Spring Fashion Week in February. As I know, Two months is such a short time to plot a production as big as I am asking for but just based on the turnout I have here, I know it can be done.” “You got this Syd!” Yani’s supportive mom voice sang out. Applause rang out. “But we gotta band together.. Network. Get this premiere party to be the talk of the town. I need my models on point, I need you all to show up to the shoots, leave that ego bullshit at the door. If I put you in it, I don’t care if it’s a water buffalo coat with silk drawls. Make it look like couture.” The hustler in Syd began to come out. She’s all about having fun and turning up, but when it’s time to work, Syd don’t play. Everyone knew it too, from old college professors at Columbia to ex boyfriends who relish at her success that she’s had since graduating. Syd is a go getter. She took a look at her audience from left to right and saw all familiar faces of former colleagues she worked with in her fashion showrunner days, and a couple more from around the way. She smiled at the great turnout and calmed her tone. “I need for the production crew to be on time as well, I book locations by the time. Not by the day. So please. Be on time.” She pointed to her photographer, Iyo. Iyo threw up his prayer hands and bowed. Signaling that he heard her and he don’t want no smoke. “I also need my MUAs to plan the looks. I plan the outfits, Gigi, please plan the faces to go with these bomb ass looks.” Gigi stood up, as colourful as she could be in her loud colored fur coat, “Of course Syd, We gotchu.” As her team nodded in agreeance. “Videography, Semaj..Andy..Lon, We need to set up a meeting after this to talk visuals.” Andy tilted his head upward to let Syd know that he heard her. 

“And last but not least, my PR agent. My amazingly amazing best friend. Ayana. Girl. I need you to get the best of the best people at this show. I need you to pull this final product all together to help my baby UPTXWN come alive!” Yani wiped a fake tear from her face and ran to hug Syd. “Of course, you know it’s done.” Everyone roared in applause. Syd yelled over it, “Okay everyone thank you for coming out! Leave your email and phone information with Myles and I’ll see you all at the next shoot!” 

The audience began to separate into their own groups. Syd and Yani floated around to each one until they got to the last cluster. Yani had to get back to the office so she dismissed herself, “Girl, Martinez is on my ass about my time! I’ll meet them at the next shoot! BYE BITCH!” Syd sucked her teeth. Yani knew she hated extracurricular socializing. 

She made her way over to the group to see Ziggy, a renowned photographer. Even though he works for CNN, he liked fashion photography and was looking to expand his portfolio with the lookbook. Two men and a woman accompanied him. “Zig! Thank you for coming out! Or who I gotta thank at CNN?” She queried, completely joking. Ziggy sarcastically responded, “You can thank Anthony Bourdain for giving me the week off, but I’ll be in Berlin next Thursday.” “Oh, you know your landlord is going next week too? Maybe you two could finally get to know each other, trade war stories.” Syd made small talk with him for a while, discussing a couple of his many travels and he explained that his job is why he’s in the studio across the hall, because he’s rarely home anyway. 

Syd nodded in agreeance as she looked around to observe everyone else he was with. “I’m sorry everyone. Nice to meet you. I’m Syeda. Zig is my neighbor. And you all are?” The woman introduced herself first. She had a pecan tan tone and  a short tapered curly cut. She was 5’9”, thick stature yet barely had a midsection so she was athletic. “Nina.” They shook hands. “I heard you needed models, I’ve modeled for Stussy, American Apparel, Yeezy..Zig told me about your line. I love how you repping Harlem. I gotta be a part of this.” “Glad to have you join us Nina, thank you.” The guy next to her spoke, “Uh..Hello. Im Byron, friends call me B. I work in IT, I do editing on the side. If your videography team needs an editor, I’m available.” Syd nodded, “As a matter of fact, that’s exactly what they need. I’m meeting with them next week, I’ll text you the details.” B smiled and thanked her. Ziggy introduced the last person, “Oh Sy, (Zig was the ONLY person besides her parents to call her that) this is Erik. My cousin. Syd blinked and looked up to his 6’0” frame. She blinked and looked at his face length dreads. She blinked and noticed his mustache, goatee and his thick plump lips. She licked her lips and slightly opened her mouth and before she could speak and introduce herself, that annoying baritone that she heard hours ago rang back up. “Ohhhh.. You the biddy that ran into me. You know, I could’ve been hurt.” he said, putting his hand above his heart. He was completely being dramatic. Syd rolled her eyes in disgust. “You’re a big boy. I’m sure you’ll be fine.” Erik stepped up to her, she noticed a slight gleam in his eyes, “Yeah, I am a big boy.” he grinned and sized her up. “Zig, get your cousin, before I really hurt him.” She squinted her eyes at her last three words. Erik didn’t move one inch away from her. He took her hand, kissed it, and returned with,  “Hurt me, baby.” She scoffed and her hand dashed across his face. “OUCH! MY NAIL!” Syd drew her hand back and noticed that the tip of her red coffin shaped nail was on the ground. Which would’ve been okay if her nails were painted red. They were black. Her finger was bleeding.

--

🌹

Feedback?

Love it? Hate it?

[lashydsdomain]

1-154. you wont

bitch

bet i will

1: Full name

lashy. das all you get

2: Age

19

3: 3 Fears

stairs, glass breaking, not being able to get ahold of someone

4: 3 things I love

my ocs uwu, my friends, my fucking tablet goddamn

5: 4 turns on

not comfy sharing on tumblr

6: 4 turns off

ill say ill come back to this one then leave this in the post

7: My best friend

rn i would say it’s probably blitztrolls

8: Sexual orientation

pan uwu

9: My best first date

ahh.... i havent had an in person first date still ;u;

10: How tall am I

5′5″

11: What do I miss

not being stressed eue;;;

12: What time were I born

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

13: Favourite color

pale blu

14: Do I have a crush

ye u//w//u

15: Favourite quote

you know these things are asked and my mind goes blank

16: Favourite place

the woods just after it’s rained

17: Favourite food

im a basic bitch and just gonna say mac n cheese

18: Do I use sarcasm

no absolutely not. nope.

19: What am I listening to right now

ambles playlist- it’s on ocean eyes by billie elish rn

20: First thing I notice in new person

prooooobably like. their face? typing style if it’s online

21: Shoe size

uhhhhhh i think like a womens 10?

22: Eye color

blue/green

23: Hair color

dark brown

24: Favourite style of clothing

loose and baggy because if i cant be comfortable what’s the point

25: Ever done a prank call?

HELL YEAH

27: Meaning behind my URL

lashyd was one of my first fantrolls and i liked the way it sounded

28: Favourite movie

mmmmm either labyrinth, princess mononoke or annihilation

29: Favourite song

no clue my friend im bad at picking

30: Favourite band

same as above sweats

31: How I feel right now

excited but tired

32: Someone I love

passivetrolls u//w//u/

33: My current relationship status

in a relationship!

34: My relationship with my parents

love my dad, kinda dislike my mom

35: Favourite holiday

christ mass

36: Tattoos and piercing i have

none, im so scared of needles ;u;

37: Tattoos and piercing i want

mmmmmaybe something stupid and simple on like my ankle?? i dunno what tho sweats

38: The reason I joined Tumblr

another fandom and i got bored with homeschooling lmao

39: Do I and my last ex hate each other?

i dislike them but they have tried to contact me a few times before i blocked them

40: Do I ever get “good morning” or “good night ” texts?

not usually

41: Have I ever kissed the last person you texted?

i dont text so ill go w discord and no i have not the last person i messaged was you shenk gdi

42: When did I last hold hands?

the 2nd ;u;

43: How long does it take me to get ready in the morning?

7ish minutes

44: Have You shaved your legs in the past three days?

hellllllllllll no

45: Where am I right now?

room

46: If I were drunk & can’t stand, who’s taking care of me?

prooooobably my bf or my dad. hate alcohol tho

47: Do I like my music loud or at a reasonable level?

loud but only w speakers

48: Do I live with my Mom and Dad?

only da

49: Am I excited for anything?

absolutely motherfucker im making new friends left and right

50: Do I have someone of the opposite sex I can tell everything to?

i got two uwu

51: How often do I wear a fake smile?

:))))))) irl most of the time tbh

52: When was the last time I hugged someone?

last night

53: What if the last person I kissed was kissing someone else right in front of me?

i would probably cry ugnfldkjfgslfdjg the last person i kissed was my bf wheezes

54: Is there anyone I trust even though I should not?

i mean probably.

55: What is something I disliked about today?

ehhhh nothing bad has really happened today

56: If I could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?

probably my friend from serbia uwu

57: What do I think about most?

ocs probably sweats

58: What’s my strangest talent?

burping on command? i dunno

59: Do I have any strange phobias?

glass shattering ouo;;;

60: Do I prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?

beh ind

61: What was the last lie I told?

calling myself a basic bitch lmao

62: Do I perfer talking on the phone or video chatting online?

phone probably? video calls make me nervous

63: Do I believe in ghosts? How about aliens?

hell yeah to both

64: Do I believe in magic?

hell yeah i yell tossing salt on all my rocks

65: Do I believe in luck?

yeee

66: What’s the weather like right now?

uhhh clear i think

67: What was the last book I’ve read?

Shibuya Goldfish

68: Do I like the smell of gasoline?

nop

69: Do I have any nicknames?

lash, lashy, gremlin and then stupid relationship nicknames gldsfgjfgs

70: What was the worst injury I’ve ever had?

prooobably almost falling down some stairs at a con and chipping my shin and probably partly pulling my shoulder out of the socket

71: Do I spend money or save it?

i try to save but end up spending it ouo;;;;

72: Can I touch my nose with a tounge?

nearly

73: Is there anything pink in 10 feets from me?

there are some half customized MH dolls so i guess yeah

74: Favourite animal?

cat uwu

75: What was I doing last night at 12 AM?

drawing ambles trollcall pick

76: What do I think is Satan’s last name is?

satan stan obviously

77: What’s a song that always makes me happy when I hear it?

Here - Ancient Magus' Bride OP

78: How can you win my heart?

art of my ocs ngl

79: What would I want to be written on my tombstone?

fuck if i knew

80: What is my favorite word?

probably fuck if you would ask my phone lmao

81: My top 5 blogs on tumblr

passivetrollsblitztrollstavvys-trollsfilibusterfrogwe-are-the-legion

82: If the whole world were listening to me right now, what would I say?

hey fuckers lets rumble

83: Do I have any relatives in jail?

not that i know of

84: I accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow me with the super-power of my choice! What is that power?

teleportation ngl

85: What would be a question I’d be afraid to tell the truth on?

probably 87

86: What is my current desktop picture?

87: Had sex?

sweats how about we move on

88: Bought condoms?

ye

89: Gotten pregnant?

hell no

90: Failed a class?

i think yeah

91: Kissed a boy?

yeeeeeeee

92: Kissed a girl?

nop

93: Have I ever kissed somebody in the rain?

does it count if we were indoors

94: Had job?

not yet wheezes

95: Left the house without my wallet?

ye

96: Bullied someone on the internet?

i dont think so i mgiht have when i was younger

97: Had sex in public?

n o

98: Played on a sports team?

ye!

99: Smoked weed?

ye.

100: Did drugs?

only weedles

101: Smoked cigarettes?

nop

102: Drank alcohol?

yes and i hated it

103: Am I a vegetarian/vegan?

nop

104: Been overweight?

ye

105: Been underweight?

nop

106: Been to a wedding?

nop

107: Been on the computer for 5 hours straight?

 every day p much

108: Watched TV for 5 hours straight?

nop

109: Been outside my home country?

ye!

110: Gotten my heart broken?

;;;; yeah

111: Been to a professional sports game?

ye

112: Broken a bone?

possibly?

113: Cut myself?

if this is on accident then ya

114: Been to prom?

prom is a waste of time ngl just go to arbys

115: Been in airplane?

yeye

116: Fly by helicopter?

n o

117: What concerts have I been to?

blueman group and the 4th of july ones that play around here

118: Had a crush on someone of the same sex?

yeeee

119: Learned another language?

bits and pieces

120: Wore make up?

yeah

121: Lost my virginity before I was 18?

nop

122: Had oral sex?

lets just skip the sex questions

123: Dyed my hair?

yeee

124: Voted in a presidential election?

ee

125: Rode in an ambulance?

nop

126: Had a surgery?

nop

127: Met someone famous?

yeye

128: Stalked someone on a social network?

god no

129: Peed outside?

this question is weird

130: Been fishing?

hell the fuck yeah

131: Helped with charity?

prrrrobaby?

132: Been rejected by a crush?

yeah ;u;

133: Broken a mirror?

i dont think so

134: What do I want for birthday?

money

135: How many kids do I want and what will be their names?

NO

136: Was I named after anyone?

i was named after two people uwu

137: Do I like my handwriting?

i can barely read it lmao i hate it

138: What was my favourite toy as a child?

my stuffed tigger uwu

139: Favourite Tv Show?

fuck i dunno probably cyberchase or fetch i dont watch tv anymore lmao

140: Where do I want to live when older?

somewhere quiet but convenient

141: Play any musical instrument?

flute and violin

142: One of my scars, how did I get it?

i have a scar on my knuckle from making garlic bread ;u; wasnt even good

143: Favourite pizza toping?

banana peppers

144: Am I afraid of the dark?

nah

145: Am I afraid of heights?

mmmm at times

146: Have I ever got caught sneaking out or doing anything bad?

yeah >w>;;;

147: Have I ever tried my hardest and then gotten disappointed in the end?

all the mc fuckin time

148: What I’m really bad at

telling people when im not up for something

149: What my greatest achievments are

being alive you fuckers cant beat me i won over hundreds of other fuckers and im here

150: The meanest thing somebody has ever said to me

Lets Not, Kids

151: What I’d do if I won in a lottery

buy so much cosplay shit and helping friends get what they need

152: What do I like about myself

im getting better uwu

153: My closest Tumblr friend

passivetrolls or blitztrolls wheezes

154: Something I fantasize about

being able to help my friends out of the places they are right now QuQ

155: Any question you’d like?

more questions for amble and my other girls!

[pcyheartgirlx]

In The Bleak Midwinter [CH2]

CHAPTER 2

Genre ;; Angst/Smut/Fluff/Romance

Pairing ;; Chanyeol x Reader x Seokjin

Word Count ;; 7k

Summary ;; “We’re all whores, we just sell different parts of ourselves.”

You own a multi-billion dollar company, servicing the biggest names in kpop, in more ways than one. Under the name “Starlight Catering”, you, your best friends, Damon and Maya, and your hundreds of workers provide stress relief for idols.

You have partially retired, not because you didn’t want to, but because Chanyeol was your muse. He was all that you had time for and needed. Jin came along.

So what happens when you mix fire and ice?

You get smoke and all the lines are blurred.

A/N ;; This chapter was SO much fun to write. I really hope you enjoy the EXO interaction I incorporated in here. ALSO there is mention of your "exboyfriend" Jiyong (yes, G-Dragon) in this chapter, a flashback to be specific. It is rather violent so be prepared for that. Anyway, enough of my Drabble. On to the fic, happy reading!

[PLAYLIST] [BACKSTORY] [PROLOGUE] [CH1] [CH2] [CH3]

The car came to a stop right in front of the SM condominium. You fixed yourself a bit before you got out of Damon’s car.

“Thanks, babes,” you said putting your hand on his shoulder. “Get some rest guys, okay?” Concern mirrored in your words. Maya turned back to you and blew you a kiss.

“We will, Eomma. Don’t worry!” She squeaked. You really hated when they called you that but you ignored it as you nodded at her and opened the car door to leave. With a final wave, the car drove away and you were left in front of yet another building. This time though, there was no tension and no nerves.

You had been seeing Chanyeol for a while now. For about two years to be precise. It wasn’t until this past year that he became the only regular you had. The company had expanded beyond your belief and you just didn’t have any time for anyone else. But you were lying to yourself if you said that was the only reason. Of course, the sex was amazing; he knew all your spots, kinks and triggers. He made you cum more than anyone had ever thought they could. The reality of it was that you enjoyed his company. You two had so much in common ranging from music, movies, sense of humor, style and even particular outlooks on life. You’ve had many sleepless nights with him getting lost in deep conversation until the sunlight found its way into his room. It wouldn’t stop there either, he’d stay on the phone with you until you got home and then you’d spend hours talking, laying on your bed until you both fell asleep on your phones. He was just as important to you as Maya or Damon. He made you believe in love again.

With the good comes the bad though. Chanyeol wasn’t self-conscious by any means. He knew that he was indeed one of the most handsome men on the scene. It was his pride. He wanted you to himself and no one else. It became apparent after the first few months. He would text you non stop when he thought you were with someone else. Sometimes he’d even show up to your apartment and wait in his car until you got home. At first, you thought it was because he worried. But as time passed, you saw the real problem. He had never had to share a woman before. And who could be upset over that? No one should have to share their beloved, you told yourself. But everything you worked for, you couldn’t throw it out for one person. You had done that before and look where it got you.

Even if you did, there were other factors. Because of his status, dating wasn’t an option. Neither was the possibility of going out together and venturing life in a setting beside his room. You were a dirty little secret. “That isn’t a relationship you deserve,” he would say. Not after what you have been through. Chanyeol loves you very much, he just has an alternative way of showing it.

As you approached the door, you flattened down your dress one more time before you knocked lightly.

“Chanyeooool!” You heard a voice whine loudly from the other side. That voice was none other than Jongdae’s. “I think your lady is here!” He called out.

You could hear Chanyeol’s deep voice inaudibly reply, followed by his footsteps scurrying closer to the door. When he opened for you were leaning against the door frame, looking up at him with pure seduction welling up in your eyes like tears. You couldn’t help but yearn for him more. He stood there in a black wife beater and his favorite pair of Adidas joggers.

“What was all that talk about you needing me now?” You hummed. He bit his lip and started for you.

“Come here, Baby,” he growled as he cupped your face with his large hands and started kissing you hungrily.  Your lips were fighting for dominance, with him sucking and nibbling on your bottom lip. Without breaking the kiss, he pulled you inside and turned your position around so he could close the door behind him with his back.

Immediately, he let his hands descend down from your face, traveling your body and finally ending at your bottom, grabbing it firmly. Each one of his hands was on either cheek and he pulled you close to him with force as he continued to devour you. Your breaths were heavy and your tongues danced together, interchanging between his mouth and yours. You let out a soft moan as he tightly held on to your ass before he bent his knees and placed his hands on your thighs. He moaned into your mouth and you felt yourself being lifted off the ground, he picked you up and you wrapped your arms around his defined shoulders, legs pushing his waist closer to you as you locked onto him. You broke free as he started kissing your cheek, traveling down to your neck. Resting your head on his shoulder, you let him suck and bite at the skin on your chest and neck. He began walking down the hallway, not stopping.

As you passed the living room, you quickly spotted Jongdae scribbling away at his notebook, Sehun indulged in this phone and Kyungsoo studying the script placed on his lap. Jongdae’s head snapped up as he hurt you pass.

“(Y/N)! Hi!” his voice was always so pleasant and sweet. Even with Chanyeol feasting away at your skin, you greeted him.

“Hi, Jongdae!” You said shakily. Also waving at Sehun who greeted you warmly. Kyungsoo on the other hand…

“Oh for fuck's sake, not again you two!” The semi-bald man glared at you two as you walked by in Chanyeol’s arms. He pushed his script aside and followed you guys. 

“AWAEEE! Leave them alone!” Jongdae whined. Kyungsoo simply ignored him. 

“Listen! I’m trying to fuckin’ practice!” He yelled but Chanyeol kept gnawing at you as you shot him an apologetic look that was mixed with ecstasy. “Can you please try to keep it down?!” Chanyeol responded by entering his room, with you grabbing onto him tightly and slammed his door.

“I guess not!” You heard Kyungsoo continue from the other room. You giggled to yourself at his expense and because Chanyeol was now lapping his tongue against the crook of your neck. You were pinned against the door. He let go of your ass and placed one hand firmly on your left breast while the other cupped the back of your head.You loosened your grip around him and let your limbs fall, your feet touching the floor and your hands traveling up and down his biceps, roaming his chiseled back. His tongue started traveling lower, down your chest, letting his lips kiss and suck every part of that path towards your breasts. Your head was thrown back in pleasure, allowing him to taste you. But suddenly he stopped. He put his arms on either side of your head as he gasped for air. He brought his head up so he was looking straight into your eyes.

“Where were you?” He panted, his voice was husky and low. You just blinked at him and bit your lip. “You smell like you’ve been with another man.”

Fuck.

You tried to quickly come up with an explanation but Chanyeol was an impatient man and you were hypnotized but him. Those full pouty lips were pink and swollen and his cat-like eyes reflected pure lust but you also saw a glint of anger. It turned you on so much.

“Ahhh…” he groaned as he brought one of his hands to his hair and ran his fingers through it, looking down. “Look what you do to me, aish.” He breathed out as he walked away. The guilt was starting to scratch away at you internally.

“Chanyeol,” you whispered as he turned away from you, walking toward his closet you trailed behind him. “Baby let me explain—“

“I thought that was it, (Y/N),” his voice trembling. He reached into the closet, grabbed a towel and handed it to you. “Wash him off you next time.” His words were cold like icicles digging into your conscious. You took the towel from him and watched him walk over to his desk, opening his laptop. “I’ll be waiting here for you.”

“You won’t even let me explain?” you pleaded with him. He simply ignored you as he started opening up the internet browser. “Fine,” you huffed and made your way out the door.

You continued down the hallway, passing a few more rooms before you made it to the kitchen. As you walked in, you saw Junmyeon, Baekhyun, and Jongin sitting on stools surrounding the long island. They looked as if they were just talking among themselves, with Jongin stuffing his hand into a box of fried chicken as usual.

“Isn’t it a little late, guys?” You said with a soft voice, concern laced in your words.

“(Y/N)!” Jongin mumbled, the chicken still being chewed in his mouth. Junmyeon shot him a disapproving look.

“Cmon, don’t talk with your mouthful,” he commented before he looked at you and motioned for you to come toward them. “Sit with us for a bit, (Y/N)!” He said sweetly. “Have some chicken!” Jongin glared at the leader, partially because he scolded him but also partially because he just offered up some of his precious chicken to you.

“Yea! Look!” Baekhyun piped as he reached his hand into the box and pulled out a drumstick. “There’s still one drumstick left. You loveeee drumsticks.” He wasn’t wrong. “Eat me, (Y/N)! Eat me!” The blonde’s voice went up 10 octaves as he tried bringing the piece of chicken that he was waving around to life. Junmyeon and Jongin just shot him a “what the fuck” face causing you to laugh more than you already were.

“You guys are so sweet, but I don’t think I can tonight,” you said as you approached them to hug each of them. Baekhyun just let out a child-like "awww" before dropping the chicken back in the box.

“Why not?” Jongin squeezed you with one arm as you greeted him.

“Chanyeol and I just need a little extra time together today. I might have pissed him off a bit,” you explained as you hugged Junmyeon last.

“Ahh he's such a hothead sometimes,” Baekhyun commented as he swatted his hand in the direction of Chanyeol’s room. “He ruined a perfectly good date for you with three of the most charming men in EXO!” He beamed.

“I know! What a jerk,” you muttered jokingly, agreeing with Baekhyun. You put your hand on Junmyeon’s back, resting it there as you spoke. “Did you guys get the sweets I sent last week?” You could see Jongin’s eyes light up in your peripheral.

“They were SO good, (Y/N)!” Jongin chirped as he took a bite of the drumstick that was previously offered to you.

“I saw that you had them shipped all the way from Argentina! You really didn’t have to go through all that trouble, (Y/N),” Junmyeon looked at you with such gratitude, it made your heart soft.

“Really! It was no problem. Let’s just say someone owed me a favor,” you assured him. “I just wanted to get my sweeties some sweeties!”

“Why are you so good to us?!” Baekhyun cried with joy as he pulled you into a hug almost dropping the towel Chanyeol had given you. “We don’t even sleep with you!” You and Jongin chuckled at him while Junmyeon playfully smacked his hand for being so vulgar.

“Because you guys take such good care of us! You’re always so kind and sweet whenever me, Damon or Maya are here. Plus, I knew you guys would like them,” you gushed. They all smiled their million dollar smiles at you. Deep down inside you melted into a puddle of liquid gold, shining because you were blessed to see this in person. God, they’re so fucking perfect, you thought to yourself.

“Did you need to shower?” said a voice coming from the other side of the room. You looked up and saw Minseok standing there, dripping wet with a towel wrapped around his torso. Fuck, Maya is so lucky to get to tap that.

“Yes! I do,” you cried out, lowering a sly seductive gaze at him. “Thanks for the show, Minseok.” You noticed his cheeks blushing violently.

“Uh...Y-you’re welcome,” he fumbled with his words causing Jongin to bust out laughing, sounding like he was gasping for air. Baekhyun and Junmyeon did a better job at holding in their laughter. Minseok started walking passed you with his head down.

“You would think the way he had Maya screaming he would get over his timid side in front of you guys,” Baekhyun declared. Junmyeon tried to shoot him one of his mom glares but couldn’t keep a chuckle from escaping his lips. Jongin still sounded like he was having an asthma attack.

“The speaker should still be in the bathroom, (Y/N),” Junmyeon called out as you walked away. You were there so much they remembered your habits. Well, at least Junmyeon did.

“Yea but keep the volume down because Kyungsoo is going to pop a vein if he can’t study his script,” Baekhyun added, he glanced at Jongin. “You need to dick him down a little bit more.”

“Byun Baekhyunnie!” Junmyeon and Jongin both screamed in unison. You just laughed, said thank you quickly and disappeared into the shower.

The floor was still wet and the mirror fogged your reflection. You turned the water on and began to strip. Once your phone was connected to the speaker by the sink and the water was at the right temperature, you put on a random radio station and jumped in. As The first song play, you lathered your body mindlessly, washing any traces of Jin away. Mentally scolding yourself for not spraying yourself earlier, you continued to put more soap on the special loofah they left for you in the bathroom. You smiled to yourself again thinking about how considerate these 9 men were. But the feeling quickly faded.

Tteonaga

Yeah, I finally realize, that I’m nothing without you

I was so wrong, forgive me

That Voice.

You jumped out of the shower as fast as you could, darted for the phone and played the next song.

Jiyong

Even his voice made you sick. Suddenly, the scene played in your head.

x-x-x

You were walking into your old house. You remember it, right? The beautiful white and yellow Victorian home, all the detailing was designed intricately with you and your soon to be husband. Everything was perfect, right? You guys left NYC a year ago to start over in Korea together. What you left in NYC, cocaine, hooking, abuse, The Old (Y/N). The old Jiyoung. Well. they seemed to find their way back to you guys here.

As you walked into your beautiful house, loud music filled your ears. It was coming from the den. Battling with yourself, you sighed and decided to follow the music, walking across the beautiful linoleum floor. When you approached the den, you saw your fiance with his head crooked back in his chair, mouth agape panting slightly. On his desk was a mountain of coke as usual and poking out from under the desk were a pair of heels.

“How many fuckin’ times do I have to tell you,” you walked over to him and saw one of the girls you just employed slurping on his cock under the desk. You pushed his chair back, grabbed her by the hair and began to drag her to the front of the desk.

“I’m so sor--” her apologetic sob was cut short but the collision of your fist to the side of her temple. She fell to the floor, clutching her eye.

“Ah for fuck's sake (Y/N),” Jiyoung started. “You always have to be the bigger bitch right.” Your stomach boiled at his words. You walked over to his shelf where he proudly displayed his many music awards.

“You’re damn fucking right,” you spat at him, walking back over to the girl.

“Just stop, at this point, you look stupid,” he said as he buckled his pants and sat back down. He took the edge of his silver credit card and started cutting a small piece of the mountain of coke. With a fistful of the injured girl’s hair you shot him another look, holding the Daesang over your head

“So that’s what you’re gonna do?” you brought the trophy down and smashed it against the girl’s head. She let out a blood-curdling scream that both you and Jiyoung weren’t even phased by. It was a sound you both had grown accustomed to. He brought the edge of the credit card to his nose and desperately sniffed the contents until they disappeared.

“You’re just going--” One blow. “--fucking sit there--” Two blows. “--and snort--” Three blows. “--our--” Four blows. “--fucking--” Five blows. “--life--” Six blows. “--away!” Seven, Eight, Nine, Ten.

You always liked even numbers.

At this point, the girl’s face was unrecognizable. Blood dripping down your arm on his white fur rug. It was like someone had grabbed a bucket of paint and just attacked you from the side, staining your face, chest, dress, and legs. You dropped the girl’s lifeless body and his stupid fucking award on the floor. He just sat there, bored and uninterested. You shook some of the blood of you and started to break down crying.

“Stop fuckin crying,” Jiyoung said as he took another bump. You just couldn’t stop. All the things you left behind followed you here and it wasn’t you. It was him. He brought them back.

“W-we...we were so happy, Jiyoung...so happy,” you sobbed pathetically as you dropped down to the floor, the blood-soaked rug cushioning your knees from the fall.

“Fucking save it, (Y/N). Please? I don’t feel like dealing with this right now,” he replied coldly. You just cried harder and started hyperventilating.

“Why does it have to be this wa--”

“You fucking bitch!” he screamed slamming his fist on his desk. He shot up and darted toward you. You let out a painful yelp as he grabbed you by the shoulders and started shaking you violently. “Why can’t you listen?! Huh?!” with that he threw you on the floor again next to the girl’s dead body, towering over you.

“Stop please--”

“Oh NOW you want me to stop?” he let out a condescending laugh and crouched to your level. “Did you like this, (Y/N)? Do YOU?” His breath hitting your face like a hot wave from a freshly opened oven. He picked up the bloody Daesang beside you. “Is this what you WANT?” He screamed before flinging the trophy behind him. You watched it go through the window, glass landing everywhere.

“(Y/N)?” you heard on the other side of the door. The voice was followed by a knock. You quickly shook the thought from your head.

“Yeah, Sehun?” you replied.

“Are you almost done?” he called out. “I have to use the toilet!” You sighed heavily and tried to compose yourself.

“Just a few more minutes! I promise!” you replied sweetly, trying to coat the creeping sob that threatened to escape your throat. You jumped back in the shower and washed yourself, trying to scrub the blood off your body all over again.

After your shower, you wrapped yourself up in Chanyeol’s towel and walked out of the bathroom, finding Sehun waiting patiently.

“Ahhh about time!” he exclaimed. You shrugged your shoulders and looked at him apologetically.

“I’m sorry Sehunnie!” you said timidly.

“Nah it’s okay,” he teased. “By the way, is Da--”

“No Damon isn’t with me tonight, hun,” you cut him off knowing exactly what he was going to say. He slightly pouted and replied with a simple "oh" before he disappeared into the bathroom. You thought it was cute how Sehun had grown fond of Damon. Damon had a tough exterior but Sehun possessed a certain quality to break that down. That quality is a great dick and the ability to make him laugh endlessly.

You walked through the halls with clutching the towel with one hand and your dress in the other, hoping no one else would catch you in your towel. Making it safely to Chanyeol’s room, you walked in to find him still at his desk, scrolling the internet. The details from his room were much different than Jin’s. He had musical instruments everywhere, showcasing your favorite side of him. There was also his dresser which was adorned with cute toys that Chanyeol found fascinating. His bed was large and had the soft blue sheets draping over them. Right above the bed was a curtain that practically reached the ceiling. You were very fond of that curtain.

“Chanyeol,” you called out softly to him. No answer. You sighed and walked over to him, wrapping your arms around his shoulder. “Chanyeol,” you repeated. “Talk to me, please?” He cleared his throat and nothing more. You got bored with his antics and started to take matters into your own hands. Bringing your lips to his neck, you started to kiss him softly. Before you could plant another one he broke free from your grasp and stood up. You took a step back but he got closer to you. His eyes filled with anger and hunger.

He brought a hand up to your face and caressed your cheek. You bit your lip as you put you placed your hand on his chest. In a blink of an eye, his hand moved swiftly behind your head and grabbed at the base of your neck, his other hand ripping the towel off of you, exposing your naked body. He forcefully pulled you into a kiss. His lips fighting yours for dominance. With his hand still gripping the back of your head, he pulled you away and grabbed on your right breast and sunk his fingers into your soft skin, causing you to wince in pleasure.

“Look at me,” he said and just like that, you brought your head up. Those eyes, his small sweet pout, the way his hair would cling to his forehead when it wasn't styled. You just admired these soft features as they hardened with authority. “Who do you belong to?” he breathed. He loosened the grip on your breast only to grab at your nipple, squeezing it tightly and tugging it. He knew this drove you insane and that you loved being played with. You didn’t take the bait. You just moaned and looked at him, yearning for more. He raised an eyebrow at you and cocked a half smile.

“No answer?” his voice sounded calm but dangerous. He gave your nipple one last squeeze, enjoying the sound you made afterward. His hand coasted lower, passing your stomach and arriving at the lips of your womanhood. His fingers teased your entrance and you just whimpered. He was feeding off it.

“I’m going to ask you again,” he said as he tightened the grip on the back your neck. With one quick movement, he forced his index and middle finger inside you, finding your spot immediately. A loud moan escaped your lips as he wiggled his fingers against your spot while running his thumb over your clit. His head lowered until you could feel his lips by your ear.

“Who do you belong to?” he hummed. Your whole body was overcome with euphoria and you gave in.

“Y--you, Chanyeol,” you whimpered, holding on to his bicep as his fingers moved swiftly inside you. “I belong to you.”

“That’s right, baby,” he praised. Releasing you from his grip, he extracted his fingers from you. He pushed you down so you were on your knees. At this moment you knew what he wanted. Your hands made their way to the waistband of his joggers and pulled them down to his knees. His head at eye level, you stuck your tongue out and swirled it around him.

“Ohhh (Y/N),” he moaned. “You know I love that but,” his hand crept its way to the back of your head again. You looked up and your eyes met. He loved that face you made. His cock twitched on your tongue. “Not today.” with that he pushed your head into his cock, forcing you to take it all in until you felt his head hitting the back of your throat. You choked and coughed on his member but he didn’t care. Your hands shot up to his waist, your knuckles turning white as your nails dug into him. His head fell back as he let out a long lingering moan. When he looked down, he saw the tears falling from your eyes, his thumb caught them before the could fall.

“I’m sorry baby,” he panted. “Go ahead and get some air,” he released his grip from your head, allowing you to be able to pull away. But you wanted to please him. Your (e/c) orbs pierced into him as you started to bob your head, slurping up all the drool that was threatening to escape your mouth. You felt his organ swell in your mouth at the sight of this. He ran his fingers gently through your hair, pushing back any strands that prevented him from seeing your face. Every slurp and suction increased the volume of his moans. Your tongue wrapping around his cock, licking and roaming every inch of it while it disappeared into your mouth every now and again. His hands grabbed the side of your face, he knew he was close. You stopped all movement and let him do what he loved to do before he came.

His hips thrusting forward into your mouth, you moaned into his dick, the humming vibration bringing him closer to his climax. His eyes closed tightly as he groaned, “Fuck I’m coming.”

He paced quickened as he fucked your mouth. Slurping and moaning into him as much as you could, just as he was about to release, you threw yourself back, watching the white string of cum shoot out of him and fall on your body. Your breasts and chin adorned with his cum. Knees knobbing he bent over, placing his hands over them to control the shakes. He raised his head and looked at you, naked on the floor, propping yourself up enough where he could see his cum on your body. He reached over and grabbed the towel he ripped off of you so you could clean yourself. You simply shook your head and smiled deviously. Using your finger, you scooped up the cum and brought it up to your lips, sucking your finger clean. Chanyeol’s eyes widened and he watched you in awe as you cleaned yourself up.

“You’re so hot,’ he breathed. You chuckled seductively as you finished lapping up the last of his cum. The way he bit his lip made your womanhood throb. You wanted him inside you so bad. It was like he read your mind. Chanyeol’s recovery time was that for the record books. The first thing he did was rip the rest of his clothes off as he got up. Then he walked over to you and picked you up bridal style, carrying you over to the bed. You wrapped his arms around him planted small kisses on his shoulders before he placed you on the bed. Making his way toward your favorite curtain, your instincts kicked in. He pulled them open, revealing a mirror that almost took up the whole wall. It was your favorite part of Chanyeol’s room. You loved watching the faces he made while he wall drilling into you. He made his way over to you and kissed you. You bit his bottom lip and ran your tongue along it. He pulled away and smiled, that handsome smile.

“Turn around,” he commanded. You crawled to the end of his bed and got on all fours, your hips propped up waiting for him. You looked up at the mirror and saw him making his way behind you. Your eyes locked, both of you exuding animalistic desire. Chanyeol didn’t wait. He always took what he wanted from you. Just as he had done so before, his whole cock penetrated you, leaving you no time to prepare yourself for his entrance. Your walls clung to him tightly, wanting to feel every inch of him inside you.

“Mmm...baby you’re so wet,” he said, savoring your warmth. Immediately, he started pumping into you. His pace quickened with every stroke, arching your back into him so you could fully feel him inside you. Endlessly crashing into your spot, your body tensed. Your knuckles turning white again as you grasped at the sheets under you. You snapped your neck up and looked at him in the mirror. It was like he was caught in a trance, hypnotized by the way your walls gripped onto his cock and how your breasts hung at your chest, moving perfectly with his pace. Sweat was dripping down his forehead, traveling down the tip of his pointed nose. His mouth hung open, revealing his bottom teeth doing so. You couldn’t hold it in anymore. You felt your climax approaching and so did he.

Chanyeol’s hammered into you violently as you threw your head back in ecstasy, letting orgasmic waves wash over you. You felt your cum drip down your thighs and onto his sheets. But this didn’t slow Chanyeol down at all. He kept plowing into you, every thrust more powerful than the other. You let out another breathy moan, indicating another orgasm taking over you. As more of your cum dripped down your thigh and on his, he continued his pace. He raised his hand and brought it down to your ass with force, leaving his handprint on you. The sound of his cock being suctioned in and out of you filled the room along with a symphony of groans and moans spilling out of both of you. Another orgasm was approaching and you didn’t know how much longer you could take. You screamed his name in ecstasy as you came all over him again. You felt the sheets beneath your knees become soaked with your liquid. Your walls were tighter than ever and Chanyeol was on the brink of his orgasm. He gripped onto your waist for support as he collided into you. Another one? Fuck, how? You thought to yourself, knowing you were coming to your final orgasm. His dick throbbed in you and his moans never ending, he started to quake.

“Ohhh, (Y/N)....fuck,” he exhaled as he reached his climax, pumping his hot liquid into you. You too were reaching your final orgasm, your bones racking in your body as the last shot of come dripped out of you.

There was no energy left in your body. You just collapsed on the bed, panting and shaking violently. Chanyeol walked over to you with a towel. He tapped on your bum slighting to motion you to lift yourself so he could clean you but you just didn’t have the energy.

“Can’t...move…” you croaked. He smirked at your statement and proceeded to wipe your thighs and pussy clean.

“You see babe?” he said confidently while he wiped himself down after. He flung the towel across the room letting it fall where ever it may and laid next to you. He was on his side, supporting his head with his hand. “I’m the only one you need.”

Using his free hand, he pushed the stray hairs behind your ear so he could see your face. Slowly and painfully, you turned and laid on your back, scooting as close as you could to him. He leaned in and kissed your forehead lovingly.

“Are you okay?” he asked, concern thickly coating his words. You just chuckled.

“I’m great,” you exclaimed, loving the feeling of his touch. He was running his hands through your hair, occasionally caressing your face gingerly. You couldn’t help but notice his expression was different than usual. After sex, he flashed that 1000 kilowatt smile and would bring you closer to him, digging his face into your (h/c) locks. But today, he studied you, his doe-like eyes boring into you.

“What’s wrong?” you asked him. He bit his lip and tried to look away.

“You know what’s wrong,” he said silently, pinching the tip of his nose. It was a habit of his that you always noticed. Finding whatever energy you had left, you turned to your side just as he did, mirroring his stance and propping your head on your arm. He never stopped caressing you.

“I know baby,” your words were gentle and soft. “But it was just a one-time thing...I didn’t even want to do it.” He didn’t try hiding the happiness you gave him when he heard you say that. But it only lasted a minute.

“Well then why did you do it if you didn’t want to?” he was scared of your answer before he even asked.

“New client,” you said flatly. It was really that simple. “We are expanding, Yeollie. You know I can’t give you any more details but--”

“So don’t,” he cut you off. His expression turned solemn. Even if you could share the details about your other client, he didn’t want to hear them truthfully. “Just answer these two questions for me and we can move on,”  He leaned in so his lips would meet yours. They lingered there for a while, the butterflies in your stomach started batting their wings violently.

“Do you love me?” he breathed into you before he kissed you again.

“With all my heart,” you replied between kisses.

"And,” he kissed you again. “Will you wait for me?” His lips colliding again with yours.

“Until the end of time,” you whispered. He smiled wildly while collapsing on his back stretching his long limbs.

“I have the most perfect girl in the woooooorld,” he screeched as limbs reached out for what seemed like nothing. He sighed and tucked his hand under his head. Perfect girl? You thought. How low are your standards, Chanyeol? He interrupted your thought by clearing his throat. He always knew you were mentally denouncing his compliments the very second he gave them to you. “Come,” he continued, patting his chest with his free hand. “Lay with me for a little before you go.”

“No, you know I’m not going to want to get up after--”

“So don’t leave,” he said it like it wasn’t a big deal. You scoffed at him and shook your head. “Why not?” he pleaded.

“Because, Junmyeon will murder me and hide the body,” you joked. He chuckled along with you.

“That’s not a good enough reason,” he twirled the ends of your hair in between his fingers, just examining your naked body adoringly.

“My life isn’t a good enough reason,” you asked shocked. His eyes trailed away, making a pensive face then looking back at you quickly.

“No!” he said with emphasis, his eyes widening at you. You gasped and slapped his hand away. He laughed at your expense and then tried again

“Pleaseeee, just lay with me!” he pouted at you and his eyes glistened. “I want to hold you.”

How could you say no to that man? You smiled and gave into him, letting your head rest on his chest. Chanyeol shifted so that he was on his side again but now he held you close to him. His chin resting on the crown of your head and your face buried into his clavicle. His embraced tightened as he nuzzled into your hair.

“I promise I won’t ever let anything hurt you again,” he whispered softly as he always did. There wasn’t a day that passed where he didn’t remind you.

x-x-x

“There is no way you possibly think that Korean food is spicier than Mexican food!” you screeched into the phone. You were trying not to make too much noise as you walked into your apartment. The last thing you wanted to do was wake up the beasts aka your roommates. But Chanyeol was making it difficult by spewing nonsense into the phone.

“Yes, it is! I’ve tried Mexican food and it’s not that spicy,” he said as a matter of factly. You walked into your kitchen and put your bags down. After leaving the EXO dorm, Chanyeol called you immediately as always. He stayed on the phone with the whole way home. On your way back, you bought some pastries and bread for Damon and Maya as a thank you for helping you with that BTS situation. You felt a bit of guilt when Chanyeol suggested all kinds of pastries for them as you were in the bakery.

“Where did you try this Mexican food?” you asked, supporting the phone with your shoulder as you took the boxes out of the bags.

“In America!”

“Okay, where in America?”

“Taco Bell,” he said proudly. You almost spat.

“That’s not real Mexican food, Chanyeol,” you said trying to stifle back laughter.

“Yes it is! They’re tacos and burritos! What’s the difference?”

“(Y/N), shut the fuck up. In this house, we sleep in the middle of the night into the goddamn morning,” Damon interjected from down the hall.

“Okay, my bad, I’m sorry,” you called out quietly.

“Who are you talking to?” Chanyeol asked, his voice stern.

“No one,” you replied simply.

“It didn’t sound like no one,” he retaliated. Here we go, you thought.

“Chanyeol, it was Damon. I just told you I was home,” your voice expressing your annoyance.

“You sure you went home and not to your new client’s house?” his attitude completely changing back into the Chanyeol that you least liked.

“Don’t be like that, the sun is out and it’s basically daytime already,” you whispered. “Who am I going to see now?” You pointed at the window as if he was there to see it.

“So why are you whispering?” he doubted.

“Because I don’t wanna wake up Damon and Maya,” you explained, hoping you two could go back to talking about food. But you knew it was over.

“I see, well...it is pretty early. I should get my day started,” he said flatly. You made your way to your room and closed the door behind you.

“Are you going to sleep?” you asked with concern. You heard him sigh on the other side of the phone.

“No I’ll be fine,” again, his tone was flat. You leaned against the wall and threw your hands up in frustration.

“You have to sleep. Even if it’s for a li--”

“I said, I’ll be fine. Don't worry about me,” there was a silence. Just as you were going to say something, he beat you to it. “Look, I’m gonna go. I’ll talk to you later. Bye.”

Before you got to get a word in, he hung up on you. You let the phone fall to the ground as you stomped to your bed. You threw yourself on top, letting your face be suffocated by the many pillows that adorned your bed. Out of pure frustration, you let out a wailing scream, right into the pillow.

“Shut uuuuup!” you heard coming from Damon or Maya’s room. You couldn’t hear over your own screams, physically and mentally. Chanyeol always promised to protect you but he couldn’t protect you from the two things that hurt you the most, his jealousy and yourself. As you laid there, you thought about it more clearly.

It wasn’t like his jealousy wasn’t justified. Granted he didn’t know about Jin, but Jin was lovely. A very handsome man with a great sense of humor and a laugh that could fill you up with joy. At the end of the day, you didn’t love Jin. You loved Chanyeol. Or at least that’s what you were telling yourself.

The truth of it is, Jin fucked you up. He showed you a tenderness and passion that Chanyeol never showed. Chanyeol was fast sex, crazy rough sex accompanied by an intense and intimate cuddling after. But Jin was the opposite. Jin was slow and observant. He wanted to feel you every inch of you, indulge you and get drunk off your body. He was soft and gentle. Chanyeol is rugged and intoxicating.

But you were used to rugged and intoxicating. One could say that it was a type you had. But your mind was flooding back to Jin. The way his lips felt on your body, like a feather landing on the ground. His hands weren’t roaming your body, they were investigating. Memorizing your every curve and imperfection.

Suddenly, you felt yourself get hot. Thinking about Jin, even after Chanyeol fucked you into his mattress just a few hours ago, was exciting you. Your hand made its way down to the source of your heat. You pried your lips open and placed a finger on your clit, moving against it slowly.

Jin spilled into your mind again as you rubbed more vigorously. You thought about his lips engulfing your nipple, sucking and circling his tongue around it. The way he rubbed your pussy up and down, making you melt in his hand. You toyed your entrance with your fingertips as you thought back to his fingers in your mouth, tasting yourself.

“Oppa doesn’t like games.” His voice echoed in your head as you inserted a finger inside you, envisioning in your head that it was Jin pumping into you. You closed your eyes and saw him looking down at you. That glistening skin, those plush full lips. Faster and faster you pumped into yourself. Wanting Jin, needing him. Your hips bucked at the thought of his cock swelling in you. That gaze he shot at you before he came.

“Come for oppa, jagi. Come for me.”

It was like you could feel his breath on your face. His voice was so crisp in your head. You thrashed your head back and let that familiar wave of utter bliss run through you, and drip down all over your fingers. When you pulled out, you laid there with your eyes closed, your chest rising and falling rapidly.

The only thought you could think of was, What the fuck is wrong with me? You had just gotten dicked down but a man you were sure you loved and now you’re touching yourself at the thought of another. Strangely enough, the guilt you felt precious started to tear into you. But why? You thought. Why do I even fucking care?

As you let your sleep consume you, the last thing you were able to think of was Jin, cupping your face the way he did gazing at you like you were the only woman in the world.

A/N ;; Tell me what you think guys! I'm trying to post all my chapters as soon as I'm done with them. Like I said, the Chanyeol x (Y/N) x Seokjin interaction is coming soon. I promise!

[voodoochili]

My Favorite Songs of 2020

With nowhere to go and nothing to do in 2020, I had plenty of time to listen to as much music as I could stand. Luckily for me and for everyone else, 2020 supplied an embarrassment of musical riches; the endless creativity of our artists providing necessary emotional support during the Worst Year Ever™.

I’ve compiled my favorite 100 songs of 2020. Again, I limited my selections to only one song per artist, but as you’ll see, I couldn’t quite stick to it this year. Narrowing the list down to 100 was a painful process, with many excellent songs left on the cutting room floor. 

Check below for Spotify playlists

Top 100 Songs of 2020: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3ySKk19paBFgO698vw7HTs?si=-al-SyEsTqWzqKfmEraNFw Best Songs of 2020 (Refined):  https://open.spotify.com/playlist/1ET0aA5TPj5JDsUtosaCVv?si=MyDxjcXKQpy3SNs7dV0wIQ Best Songs of 2020 (Catch-All):  https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0XxtEo0PrNSyZDWBCjJtuR?si=pBZWRoNGSGWBCaqxJrHoyw

Without further ado, my favorite songs of 2020.:

25. Yg Teck - “What You Know”: Yg Teck has one of the more prominent Baltimore accents in rap music, elongating “ooh” sounds and shortening “er” sounds with reckless abandon. “What You Know” is buried towards the end of his excellent mixtape Eyes Won’t Close 2, but it stands out as one of Teck’s strongest songs. The buoyant piano-led beat offers Teck an opportunity to reflect on his struggle with heart-breaking directness: “So what if they hate me, sometimes I hate myself.”

24. Brian Brown - “Runnin” ft. Reaux Marquez:  Filtering the conventions of southern rap through his easy-going drawl and omnivorous musical appetite, Brian Brown is the brightest light in Nashville’s burgeoning hip-hop scene. Built around producer Black Metaphor’s circuitous jazz piano, “Runnin” is a soulful and poetic meditation on breaking out of the staid existence that can creep up on you if you stay still for long enough. Brown serves up the song’s irresistible hook and provides a grounding presence on his second verse, evoking the styles of two Tennessee rap titans: Chattanooga’s Isaiah Rashad and Cashville’s own Starlito.

23. 42 Dugg - “One Of One” ft. Babyface Ray: Detroit producer Helluva’s beats provide the tissue that connects the Motor City with the West Coast, creating anthems that mix D-Town propulsion with soundscapes perfect for a top-down drive down PCH. The Helluva-produced “One Of One” is an electric duet between two of the D’s most distinct voices: low-talking, whistle-happy guest verse god 42 Dugg and nonchalantly fly Babyface Ray. They trade bars throughout the track, weaving between squelches of bass to talk about the ways women have done them wrong.

22. PG Ra & jetsonmade - “Keeping Time”: The phrase “young OG” was invented for guys like PG Ra, who is somehow only 20-years-old. On “Keeping Time,” the South Carolina rapper spits sage-like wisdom about street life over Jetsonmade’s signature trampoline 808s, decrying nihilism and emphasizing the importance of holding strong convictions in a deliberate, raspy drawl: “Oh, you don't give a fuck 'bout nothing, then you damn wrong/Cause every soldier stand for something if he stand strong.”

21. Empty Country - “Marian”: After spending a decade as the main songwriter for Cymbals Eat Guitars, Joseph D'Agostino is an expert at crafting widescreen indie anthems. CEG is no more, but D’Agostino is still doing his thing, opening the self-titled album of his new entity Empty Country with “Marian,” a chiming and heartfelt power ballad with sunny vocal harmonies and a fist-pumping riff. It’s hard to make out the lyrics on the first few spins, but a closer listen reveals some striking imagery (“In a sea of Virginia pines/A burnt bus”), as the narrator imagines the life that lies ahead for his newborn daughter.

20. Raveena - “Headaches”: Raveena’s music is a soothing balm, capable of transforming any negative emotion into peaceful reverie. “Headaches” starts as a sensual, woozy, reverbed-out slow jam–typical Raveena territory, perfect for emphasizing the enlightened sensuality that she exudes in her vocals. The song mutates in its second half into an invigorating bit of dream pop, picking up a ringing guitar riff and a prominent backbeat as Raveena struggles to stay close to the one she loves (“There's no sunset, without you”).

19. Los & Nutty - “I’m Jus Fuckin Around” ft. WB Cash: In which three Detroit emcees receive an instrumental funky enough for ‘90s DJ Quik and proceed to not only not ride the beat but to fight so hard against it you’d think they’re training to get in the ring with Mayweather. I love Michigan rap.

18. Sufjan Stevens - “My Rajneesh”: I’ve never seen Wild Wild Country, or read about Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh and his cult, so I don’t know too much about the subject matter of “My Rajneesh.” I do know, however, that it’s a story that involves crises of faith and the state of Oregon, which means it fits perfectly into Sufjan’s milieu. “My Rajneesh” does an excellent job of relaying the ecstasy of a devout believer, layering celebratory chants, South Asian traditional percussion, and glitchy electronics into a 10-minute epic. As the song progresses, the sonic tapestry grows distorted, mimicking the emptiness that lies beneath Rajneesh’s surface and the darkness and confusion faced by his followers when the illusion fades.

17. Koffee - “Lockdown”: Leave it to rising dancehall superstar Koffee to find ebullient joy in a situation as bleak as quarantine. Weaving around piercing guitar licks and euphoric vocal samples, Koffee schemes to turn her lockdown romance (”quarantine ting”) into a long-term deal, fantasizing about travel with her love even as she’s content to just spend time in her apartment. Everything is dandy as long as they're in the same room.

16. Rio Da Yung OG & Louie Ray - “Movie”: Flint’s answer to Detroit’s “Bloxk Party,” one of the best rap songs of the past decade. Rio and Louie trade verses throughout the song, competing with one another to see who can be the most disrespectful.

Rio’s best line: “Ma don't drink that pop in there, I got purple in it/I know it look like Alka-Seltzer, it's a perky in it”

Louie’s best line: “Let me cut my arms off before I ball, make it fair”

15. Ratboys - “My Hands Grow”: “My Hands Grow” shines like an early-morning sunbeam, hitting that circa-2001 Saddle Creek* sweet spot with aplomb. But “My Hands Grow” is more than just a throwback–it’s an oasis, populated by sweeping acoustic guitars, electric leads with just the right amount of distortion, and especially Julia Steiner’s affectionate vocal, which blooms into gorgeous self-harmonies during the bridge.

*Obligated to add that this song came out before Azure Ray signed to Saddle Creek, but the point stands.

14. J Hus - “Triumph”: J Hus and Jae5 have the kind of telepathic artistic connection and song-elevating chemistry only present in the best rapper-producer pairs. A great example of how their alchemy blurs the lines between genres, “Triumph” is the J Hus/Jae5 version of a boom-bap rap track. Hus rides Jae5’s woodblock-and-horn-accented beat with unassailable confidence, gradually elevating his intensity level as he sprays his unflappable threats. Like most of Hus’s best songs, “Triumph” is home to an irresistible hook, which I can’t help but recite whenever I hear the words “violence,” “silence,” or “alliance” (more often than you think!).

13. Sada Baby - “Aktivated”: Every post-disco classic from the early ‘80s could use a little bit of Sada Baby’s wild-eyed intensity and dextrous flow. On “Aktivated,” Sada runs roughshod atop Kool & The Gang’s ‘81 classic “Get Down On It,” turning it into an irresistible and danceable anthem about going dumb off a Percocet. Sada is a master of controlled chaos, modulating his voice from a simmer to a full-throated yell within the space of a single bar. It really makes lines like “Coochie made me cry like Herb in the turtleneck” pop.

12. Yves Tumor - “Kerosene!”: Prince is one of the most-imitated artists on the planet, but while most artists can only grasp at his heels, Yves Tumor’s “Kerosene!” reaches a level of burning passion and sexual literacy that would make The Purple One proud. A duet with Diana Gordon, “Kerosene!” is a desperate plea for connection, each duet partner thinking that a passionate dalliance might cure the emptiness inside. The song vamps for five minutes, filled with guitar pyrotechnics and moaning vocals, its extended runtime and gradual comedown consigning the partners to a futile search for a self-sustaining love that won’t burn itself out when the passion fades.

11. Special Interest - “Street Pulse Beat”: “Street Pulse Beat” sounds like “Seven Nation Army,” as performed by post-punk legends Killing Joke. It’s a strutting, wild, propulsive anthem–part come-on, part self-actualization, all-powerful. Dominated by an insistent industrial beat and the fiery vocals of frontperson Alli Logout, whose performance more than lives up to the song’s grandiose lyrics (““I go by many names such as Mistress, Goddess, Allah, Jah, and Jesus Christ”), “Street Pulse Beat” was the song released this year that made me miss live music the most. 

10. Megan Thee Stallion - “Savage” (Remix) ft. Beyonce: The first-ever collaboration between these two H-Town royals was the most quotable song of the year, firing off hot lines and memorable moments with an effortless majesty. Megan does her thing, bringing classy, bougie, and ratchet punchlines about the men who grovel at her feet, but it’s who Beyoncé elevates the track to transcendence. She prances around the outskirts of Megan’s verses, applying the full force of her lower register to her ad-libs (“THEM JEANS”), and during her verses, the Queen proves once again that you can count the number of rappers better than her on your fingers.

9. DJ Tunez - “Cool Me Down” ft. Wizkid: WizKid is almost alarmingly prolific, releasing enough amazing songs per year that he would be a worthy subject of his own “best-of” list. My favorite WizKid song of 2020 didn’t come from his excellent album Made In Lagos–instead it was this team-up with Brooklyn-based DJ Tunez. A favored collaborator of WizKid (Tunez is partially responsible for career highlights like 2019’s “Cover Me” and 2020’s “PAMI”), Tunez’s organic and textured approach to Afrobeats is an excellent fit for his voice, mixing swelling organs, 808 blocks, and the occasional stab of saxophone into a percolating concoction. The “Starboy” rises to the occasion, hypnotically repeating phrases in English and Yoruba, making octave-sized leaps in his vocal register, and stretching syllables like taffy as he sings the praises of his lady love.

8. Sorry - “Rock ‘n’ Roll Star”: Part swaggering indie anthem and part skronking no wave, “Rock ‘n’ Roll Star” struts with the woozy confidence of someone who’s had just the right amount to drink. It’s the ideal throwback to late L.E.S. (or Shoreditch) nights, sung with irresistible gang vocals on the chorus and a detached sneer on the verse that jibes with the sinister undertones of the deliberately off-key backing track.

7. Destroyer - “Cue Synthesizer”: As Dan Bejar ages, he becomes less like a singer and more like a shaman, his incantatory near-spoken word verses grounding his band’s instrumental heroics. On “Cue Synthesizer,” Bejar plays the role of conjurer, summoning synthesizers and electric guitars in celebration of music’s ability to breathe life into modern mundanity.

6. Chloe x Halle - “Do It”: Pillow-soft R&B that walks the fine line between retro and futuristic, powered by the Bailey Sisters’ playfully twisty melodies and sumptuous production from a somewhat unexpected source. That’s right, piano man Scott Storch took a break from smoking blunts with Berner to deliver his smoothest beat since he teamed with Chloe x Halle mentor Beyoncé for “Me Myself & I” in 2003.

5. Fireboy DML - “ELI”: Nigeria singer Fireboy DML is an unabashed fan of ‘90s adult contemporary, worshipping idols (‘90s Elton John, Celine Dion) that even some devout poptimists wouldn’t touch with a ten-foot pole. A modern-day retelling of the Biblical fable of Samson and Delilah, “ELI” seems to take inspiration from Ace of Base’s “All That She Wants,” its rocksteady beat, wobbling bassline, snake-charming flute, and “lonely girl, lonely world” lyrics recalling the 1994 Swedish pop smash. It’s a testament to Fireboy’s charisma and melodic mastery that “ELI” is as invigorating as “All That She Wants” is annoying. He switches from playful flirtation on the verse, to hopeless devotion on the chorus, to lascivious swagger on the bridge, gently ratcheting up the intensity in his vocals until the song’s climactic guitar solo* grants glorious release. *The build-up on “ELI” is so great that it makes it easy to ignore that the guitar solo itself is a mess. It sounds like the producers couldn’t get Carlos Santana, so they settled for Andre 3000 instead. 

4. The Beths - “Dying To Believe”: If you’ve ever audibly cringed while thinking about something you’ve said or done in the past, The Beths have the song for you. Carried by its driving backbeat, “Dying To Believe” chronicles singer Liz Stokes’s rumination on a crumbling friendship, her fear of confrontation preventing her from removing her toxic friend from her life. Though the lyric is pained and uncertain, there’s no such lack of confidence in the music. An adrenaline rush of muscular, sugary power pop, “Dying To Believe” is an immaculate construction, each fuzzy guitar riff arriving with mathematical precision and each “whoa-oh” chorus hitting like a ton of bricks. Jump Rope Gazers might not have been as consistent as the Auckland, NZ band’s self-titled debut, but “Dying To Believe” is as good as anything on that album and helps solidify The Beths’ deserved reputation as some of the best songwriters and tightest performers on either side of the International Date Line. 

3. The 1975 - “What Should I Say”/“If You’re Too Shy (Let Me Know)”: I know, I know. I was supposed to only pick one song per artist, but sue me, this is my list and I just could not decide between these two. The 1975 have always balanced their affinity for ‘80s-style pop anthems with an interest in experimental electronic music. In 2020, they released the two very best songs of their career, each seemingly fitting into one of those two boxes. On its face, “If You’re Too Shy (Let Me Know)” is the band’s transparent attempt at recording their own “Everybody Wants To Rule The World”–it’s in D Major, it has a chugging backbeat, an echoing two-chord riff in the verse, and an ascending E Minor progression in the pre-chorus. Where the Tears For Fears classic takes a birds-eye look at the yuppie generation, Matty Healy uses his song’s swelling bombast and gleefully cheesy sax solo to explore the awkward intimacy of cyber sex. The burbling Eno-style synth that opens up “If You’re Too Shy” evokes a dial-up connection, simulating the thrill of discovery felt by those whose only connection to the outside world comes through their screens.

“What Should I Say,” meanwhile, combines Boards Of Canada-esque bloops with bassline that strongly resembles Mr. Fingers’ oft-sampled “Mystery Of Love”, over which Healy sings in a heavily-manipulated voice that sounds like the lovechild of Travis Scott and Sam Smith. Fittingly for a song about loss for words, the best moments of  “What Should I Say” spring from vocal manipulations, imparting more emotional resonance than mere words could ever hope to provide. The final minute of “What Should I Say” is almost tear-jerkingly beautiful, as a single computerized voice cuts through cacophony, determined to let the world know how it feels, language be damned.

2. King Von - “Took Her To The O”: His career was far too short, but King Von had plenty of chances to demonstrate his god-given storytelling ability before he passed away in November. Accompanied by regular collaborator Chopsquad DJ’s chaotic, circular pianos, Von recounts an eventful night in his home neighborhood of O’Block. Von’s gripping narrative is packed with writerly detail (“Nine missed calls, three of them from ‘Mom,’ other six say ‘Duck’”), peeking into his justifiably paranoid state-of-mind (“My Glock on my lap, I'm just thinkin' smart”) and ending with a smirk on a bit of gallows humor that recalls prime Ghostface. Long Live Von.

1.  Bob Dylan - “I’ve Made Up My Mind To Give Myself to You”: It’s impossible to escape that 2020 was a year of mass devastation, on a scale not seen in American life since the second World War. In the midst of the cascading chaos of this year, I married my best friend. So it’s fitting that the song that resonated most with me this year was “Throat Baby (Go Baby)” by BRS Kash.

*Ahem* Excuse me. It was a love song, and not just any love song: the finest love song of Bob Dylan’s six-decade, Nobel Prize-winning career. 

Bob Dylan spent much of the 2010s trying his hand at the Great American Songbook, applying his craggy croon to standards made famous by Bing Crosby and Frank Sinatra. It felt like a weird turn for such an iconoclastic figure, one known for his massive (and valuable) library of originals. “I’ve Made Up My Mind To Give Myself To You” proves that Bob’s covers and Christmas albums weren’t larks or cash grabs, but an old dog’s attempt to learn new tricks by digging into the past.

“IMUMMTGMTY” shares a lot of DNA with “The Way You Look Tonight” and “I’ve Got You Under My Skin,” bringing florid metaphors and touching pledges of devotion, but it also inherently understands that love is a decision–a weighty decision that imparts great responsibility–as much as it’s a feeling. What really makes “IMUMM” sing is the tastefully folksy arrangement, which ties into the old weird America explored by Dylan’s compadres in The Band, filled with bright Telecaster leads and easily-hummed choruses. And the lyrics are excellent even by Bob’s elevated standards. It turns me into a puddle every time I listen. I’ll let Bob take it from here:

Well, my heart's like a river, a river that sings Just takes me a while to realize things I've seen the sunrise, I've seen the dawn I'll lay down beside you when everyone's gone

Here’s the rest of the list. Check back later this week for my albums list!

26. Katie Gately - “Waltz” 27. Bonny Light Horseman - “Bonny Light Horseman” 28. Bullion - “Hula” 29. Omah Lay - “Lo Lo” 30. Greg Dulli - “Sempre” 31. Fiona Apple - “Shameika” 32. Anjimilie - “Your Tree” 33. Key Glock - “Look At They Face” 34. Lido Pimienta - “Te Queria” 35. Morray - “Quicksand” 36. Obongjayar - “10K” 37. Xenia Rubinos - “Who Shot Ya?” 38. Kiana Lede - “Protection” 39. Flo Milli - “Weak” 40. G.T. - “What You Gon Do” 41. Chris Crack - “Hoes At Trader Joe’s” 42. Lil Baby - “The Bigger Picture” 43. The Orielles - “Memoirs of Miso” 44. Shoreline Mafia - “Change Ya Life” 45. Masego - “Mystery Lady” ft. Don Toliver 46. Junglepussy - “Out My Window” ft. Ian Isiah 47. Siete Gang Yabbie - “Gift Of Gab” 48. Rosalía - “Juro Que” 49. Black Noi$e - “Mutha Magick” ft. BbyMutha 50. BFB Da Packman - “Free Joe Exotic” ft. Sada Baby 51. Andras - “Poppy” 52. Lianne La Havas - “Weird Fishes” 53. Crack Cloud - “Tunnel Vision” 54. Lil Uzi Vert - “No Auto” ft. Lil Durk 55. Fred again… - “Kyle (I Found You)” 56. Burna Boy - “Wonderful” 57. Lonnie Holliday - “Crystal Doorknob” 58. Mozzy - “Bulletproofly” 59. Tiwa Savage - “Koroba” 60. Frances Quinlan - “Your Reply” 61. Ariana Grande - “my hair” 62. Bad Bunny - “Safaera” ft. Jowell & Randy & Ñengo Flow 63. Yhung T.O. & DaBoii - “Forever Ballin” 64. Katie Pruitt - “Out Of The Blue” 65. Sleepy Hallow - “Molly” ft. Sheff G 66. Niniola - “Addicted” 67. Prado - “STEPHEN” 68. Drakeo The Ruler - “GTA VI” 69. Boldy James - “Monte Cristo” 70. Caribou - “Like I Loved You” 71. Andy Shauf - “Living Room” 72. Hailu Mergia - “Yene Mircha” 73. Kabza de Small & DJ Maphorisa - “eMcimbini” ft Aymos, Samthing Soweto, Mas Musiq 74. Gunna - “Dollaz On My Head” ft. Young Thug 75. Roddy Ricch - “The Box” 76. The Lemon Twigs - “Hell On Wheels” 77. Sun-El Musician - “Emoyeni” ft. Simmy & Khuzani 78. Madeline Kenney - “Sucker” 79. Natanael Cano - “Que Benedicion” 80. ShooterGang Kony - “Jungle” 81. Don Toliver - “After Party” 82. Chicano Batman - “Color my life” 83. Pa Salieu - “Betty” 84. Chubby & The Gang - “Trouble (You Were Always On My Mind)” 85. Dua Lipa - “Love Again” 86. Rucci - “Understand” ft. Blxst 87. Skilla Baby - “Carmelo Bryant” ft. Sada Baby 88. Bartees Strange - “Boomer” 89. Jessie Ware - “Read My Lips” 90. The Hernandez Bros. & LUSTBASS - “At The End Of Time” 91. Brokeasf - “How” ft. 42 Dugg 92. Mulatto - “No Hook” 93. Eddie Chacon - “Outside” 94. Veeze - “Law N Order” 95. Polo G - “33” 96. Bktherula - “Summer” 97. Jessy Lanza - “Anyone Around” 98. Perfume Genius - “On The Floor” 99. ComptonAssTg - “I’m Thuggin’” 100. Mario Judah - “Die Very Rough”

Honorable Mentions: Jamila Woods - “SULA (Paperback)” Demae - “Stuck In A Daze” ft. Ego Ella May Good Sad Happy Bad - “Bubble” Guerilla Toss - “Human Girl” Kaash Paige - “Grammy Week” ft. Don Toliver Kre8 & CJ Santana - “Slide!” Laura Veirs - “Another Space & Time” Angelica Garcia - “Jicama” Malome Vector - “Dumelang” ft. Blaq Diamond OMB Bloodbath - “Dropout” ft. Maxo Kream SahBabii - “Soulja Slim” Shabason, Krgovich & Harris - “Friday Afternoon” Skillibeng - “Mr. Universe” Waxahatchee - “Fire” Westerman - “Float Over”

[alien-bodies]

Oversharing Time!!!

(i just made that title up that’s not the official title I’m just Like That)

Ok so @frogyell​ tagged my main account (I am BLEST) but that’s for Refined Star Trek Content and this one’s for excellent moodboard content and garbage so here’s the garbage!!! I’m putting it under a cut bc it manipulates your brain to want to read through 85 fuckin facts about me more wow I love science

rules: answer these 85 statements about yourself, then tag 20 people.

1. last drink: Water! off to a great start

2. last phone call: my local Hot Topic. I feel like I should also mention I work there. But if you don’t know that and steal my phone you’ll see I have a contact named Hot Topic

3. last text message: Google sent me a verification code, but the last one I sent was to my brother it says “k”

4. last song you listened to: It’s called The Horror Of Your Love by Ludo, if I had to delete all but one song on my 121-song Best Enemies playlist I’d keep this one it’s Peak and kinda has vore but it’s metaphorical. metavoreical, if you will

5. time you cried: during my latest EMDR sesh! I was in Wales and everything it was a Lot I got ice cream after

6. dated someone twice? Big No

7. kissed someone and regretted it? Not really?

8. been cheated on? my ex had 16 anime dating sims downloaded at one point while we were dating does that count

9. lost someone special? yea

10. been depressed? hella

11. gotten drunk and thrown up? I’ve been drunk 1 time and it was when I was playing English handbells at my dad’s church’s wassail night but I did not throw up no

fave colors

12. Black

13. Lavendar

14. Light blue

in the last year have you…

15. made new friends? Hell Yell!!

16. fallen out of love? k i n d a ? ?

17. laughed until you cried? oh absolutely

18. found out someone was talking about you? OH BOY YUP YUP

19. met someone who changed you? yes! she managed to physically alter my hippocampus without touching it how fuckign whack is that

20. found out who your friends are? It’s always the same miraculous group chat

21. kissed someone on your facebook friends list? sure have

general

22. how many of your facebook friends do you know irl? I keep it nice and refined so all of them. My old account is another story

23. do you have any pets? one beautiful and talented cat named Moriarty. A good description is she’s got puppy software on cat hardware.

24. do you want to change your name? listen I’ve been through 4.5 of these fuckers, I like Nate, I’m Quite Finished

25. what did you do for your last birthday? invited 2 pals over, I remember one of them suddenly whipped out I Am The Doctor and the Dr Who theme on the piano out of fuckin nowhere and I was like “Daniel what the hell you’re so talented” and then I hardcore dissociated the rest of the day

26. what time did you wake up today? 10:00

27. what were you doing at midnight last night? chatting w @houseofoakdown​ and also editing my monstrosity of a fanfiction

28. what is something you cant wait for? Going back to school! then I can graduate in my pajamas and eat creamed corn in celebration

30. what are you listening to right now? the same goddamn playlist, this one’s called Battle Cry by The Family Crest, i cri erytiem

31. have you ever talked to a person named tom? probably???

32. something thats getting on your nerves? my brother vaping in the bathroom with the fan on at 12:30am

33. most visited website: tungle dot hell

34. hair color: I started out blonde af now I’m less blonde but still blonde.

35. long or short hair: short

36. do you have a crush on someone: :[] yes

37. what do you like about yourself: i’m hella smart, my moodboards are bangin, my writing is cool af, I’m well-hydrated at all times

38. want any piercings? Big No

39. blood type: A+!!!!! thats me!!!!!

40. nicknames: my brother calls me a goon sometimes

41. relationship status: im married to my laptop

42. zodiac: I was born on the last day of Taurus so I’m a definite Taurus/Gemini power combo

43. pronouns: they/them, tho in some places I use he/him bc The Dysphoria got hog wild enough I decided to pretend to be a trans guy so ppl would take me seriously, but I’m moving more towards they/them everywhere now. 

44. fave tv shows: Dr Fuck, Sherlock (I’m armed with a pitchfork and an arsenal of beefed up tv & film knowledge come on fight me), DOWNTON ABBEY

45. tattoos: in August I will get a bee on my right arm and probably a Secret Word in Gallifreyan on my left it’ll say fuck

46. right or left handed: one time I was bored in grade 10 and tried to make myself ambidextrous but that was a hassle so I’m firmly right handed. Except in archery.

47. ever had surgery: got all 4 wisom teeth out not long ago! I still need to squirt water in my gum holes so I get all the mushy food out :{

48. piercings: I used to have my ears pierced but they’re grown tf over now!

49. sport: first of all what the hell is this question looking for second of all I have a red belt (which is 2 below black belt) in Taekwondo. I really need to do that again hhhhhh

50. vacation: i went to England and France in the summer with my family as a “””grad trip”””, it was lots of fun but my collection of sensory issues extended to chomping and I dissociated so intensely in The Louvre my mom told me to go back outside so I wrote fanfiction while listening to 21 Pilots and chatting w my imaginary friends and it took me like 18 hours to process I’d seen The Mona Lisa with mine own 2 eyes. Also the plane was delayed twice bc we used Air Canada for some godforsaken reason and I had 0 hours of sleep when I went to the Sherlock Holmes museum and I started talkin to this bust of Sherlock Holmes and then I hadn’t eaten enough and we were walking to this bookstore and I said “I need food!” and my dad said “We’ll get it AFTER” then I shouted “I’M GONNA DIE” so I got a BLT from Tesco. 

51. trainers: h

more general

52. eating: the last thing I ate was chocolate chips straight out of the bag

53. drinking: I got another cup of water

54. im about to watch: my entire fanfiction to take 3000 notes on consistency. and by watch I mean read

55. waiting for: my brother (not vaping) to get out of the bathroom so I can PEE

56. want: Orphan Black to be on Netflix so I can actually binge watch it then call my grandma about it

57. get married: idk I didn’t think I was a get married person but since realizing I’m a lesbian it seems like a good idea!

58. career: nurse and a writer. I might just move to London and work double time to write enough scripts I have some street cred then pitch a TV adaptation of Faction Paradox to the BBC and win

which is better

59. hugs or kisses: hugs bc it means my friends are in my vicinity not Toronto

60. lips or eyes: uh. eyes???????????

61. shorter or taller: i’m 5′3″ and I would love a tol partner

62. older or younger: i don’t think I care

63. nice arms or stomach: what fresh hell does this mean. I’d like a nice stomach free of gastrointestinal issues and acid reflux. not that I have either of those but just in case

64. hookup or relationship: I have 300 many self-esteem issues so imma say relationship

65. troublemaker or hesitant: AU where I don’t have anxiety and I’m a trouble maker

have you ever

66. kissed a stranger: noop

67. drank hard liquor: I PUT RUM IN THE WASSAIL HELL YEAH also once someone bought me a shot at a queer dance thing bc it was payday and my friend told me to gulp the WHOLE SHOT and then the lemonade so I don’t barf and I was like “brah this is too high-stakes” so I poured the vodka in the lemonade and took sips and everyone stared at me

68. lost glasses: in grade 6 and then my mom threatened to make me wear one of those granny glasses chains so I never lost them again

69. turned someone down: ya this kid Cyrus used to chase me around in grade 5 and I’d run away always he was weird af one time he made out with a folder right in front of me in the middle of class

70. sex on first date: probs not at this point but I’m not opposed to the general idea when I’m less w h a c k e d  u p

71. broken someones heart: Not that I know of?

72. had your heart broken: c o n s i s t e n t l y in the most fricked up ways god

73. been arrested: no but once I booed at the police bc the local nazis (yeah) were gonna have a rally so we had a counter-rally and I dropped in but there were no nazis except one old dude in a MAGA hat showed up 2 hours late lmao

74. cried when someone died: oui

75. fallen for a friend: Big Lesbian Mood

do you believe in

76. yourself: YA BB

77. miracles: not as such

78. love at first sight: nah

79. santa claus: I wasn’t allowed to believe in Santa as a child bc he was “too much like God” sad

80. kiss on a first date: ye!

81. angels: big no

other

82. best friend’s name: I don’t exactly have a proper best friend but I’m goin with Liam

83. eye colour: blue/grey

84. fave movie: either The Force Awakens (bc I love bb8 and I’m gay 4 Rey) or Interstellar shut up

85. fave actor: uh idk let’s go with my brother

WOW THAT WAS LONG JEE🅱️US. I’m tagging @houseofoakdown @spoonietimelordy @gemvictorfromtheponyverse @spockswhales @raesand and that exhausts the ppl I know but you’re all worth quadruple in my heart 💖

[anonymous-wolf22]

Survey 3

Reblog | Bold what applies to you;

You have a lava lamp in your room. You like dreamcatchers. You have a flower tattoo. You are allergic to pollen. You were born in November. You love hiking in the woods. Your ideal vacation spot is a big city. You own a Snuggie. You were a huge fan of a celebrity when you were twelve. You’ve gotten lost in a big city. You don’t mind sleeping on the floor. You wish you had more money so you could do more shopping. At times you are are lazy. You are a target for bullies. You love music. You have a food allergy. You sing in the shower. You’ve held a baby. You’ve been to a baby shower. You’ve had an embarrassing moment at a school dance. You’ve passed notes in class and gotten caught. You’ve got a grass stain. You own or once owned plaid shorts. You own a button-up plaid shirt. You own skinny jeans. You own sunglasses. You’ve played a tambourine in church. You’ve danced in church. You don’t like mushrooms. You’ve seen a Broadway show. You have natural blonde hair. You have red hair. You know someone with red hair. You have freckles. You’ve had crutches. You’ve had to wear a cast before. You liked playing with scooters in gym class. You own a flip phone. You dislike texting and prefer people would just call you. You like talking in person better than on the phone. ..but you enjoy talking on the phone, too. There is someone in your life that you would like to get to know more. You’ve been keeping a secret, and you would like to tell it. You have a friend who’s just like you whom you love dearly. You’ve made a lot of mistakes that you wish you could undo. You live in an apartment. You have a basement. You own a telescope. You’ve looked through a telescope at night. You’ve seen an eclipse. You’ve seen a shooting star. You enjoy public speaking. …even though you feel nervous before making a speech. You find holding your breath to be a good cure for hiccups. You’ve been told you look like a certain celebrity. You feel like you could have chosen to be gay, but didn’t. You have curly hair. You wish your eyes were a different color. You’ve been told that you should model. You’ve burnt popcorn. There is something on your heart right now. You have an overdue library book. You can’t find your library card right now. You don’t care what your car looks like; you just want something that runs. You’re allergic to pet dander. You’re allergic to dust. You enjoy parades. You enjoy dressing up in costume. You have a younger brother or sister. You’re an only child. You are/were homeschooled. You like coffee shops. You like worship music. You believe in the supernatural. You enjoy church. You believe there is more to life than what we see and know. You love to worship. You feel a sense of calm when looking at the moon. You’ve been on a missions trip. You love someone. You like paisleys. You’ve driven a tractor. You can write in cursive. You’ve written in calligraphy. You can tap dance. You have a food sensitivity. You have a food intolerance. You believe in a higher power. You’re tired. You like taking selfies.

01. I believe in luck. 02. I believe in horoscopes and fortunes, too. 03. I’m fairly superstitious. 04. I’m feeling quite lucky right now. 05. I love entering raffles. 06. I love the song “Last Chance To Lose Your Keys” by Brand New. 07. I’ve never dyed my hair. 08. I use temporary dye all the time. 09. I have made a party cracker before. 10. I like to make treat bags for trick or treaters on Halloween. 11. I have a Christmas playlist. 12. I feel really good right now. 13. I don’t use candles as often as I’d like to. 14. I especially love the scented ones. 15. I read the newspaper daily. 16. There is an item of clothing I really want right now. 17. That item is a jacket. 18. I adore Polaroid cameras. 19. I don’t use Bing. 20. My friend’s birthday was this week. 21. I want to go to a party. 22. I’ve been to a Halloween party before. 23. I believe in the symbolism of numbers. 24. I know who Taylor Momsen is. 25. And I think she’s gorgeous. 26. I hate when people copy me. 27. I’ve used oil pastels before. (possibly..) 28. I like using them. 29. I cry basically daily. (in secret) 30. I get frustrated so damn easily. 31. I’ve never had a swiss roll. 32. They look amazing, though. 33. I’ve only been to one concert in my life. 34. I enjoyed it a lot, though. 35. I like messing with HTML coding. 36. I admit, I can be a greedy person at times. 37. I can also be very selfish. 38. I get impatient easily. 39. I actually enjoy greasy pizza. 40. At my high school, you only have/had to be a junior to leave campus for lunch. 41. I adore typewriter fonts. 42. I’ve been to a dermatologist before. 43. I feel achey right now. 44. I like to be solids more than stripes in pool. 45. I currently need new earphones. 46. I prefer earbuds. 47. I take antacids often. 48. I usually have a spare hair tie around my wrist. 49. I weigh less now than I did at this time last year. 50. I’ve seen how my favorite celebrity looked as a baby.

You’re a chick. You’re a girl’s girl, as well as a guy’s girl. You’re a freshman in college. You can’t decide if you love it or fucking hate it. You are obsessed with weight loss. You have sleeping problems. You miss someone, a lot more than you like to admit. You get along with people easily. You have a lot of secrets. You like books about murder and drug addicts. You drink soda like water. You secretly listen to country. Your shoulders are sore. You’re extremely self destructive. You take vitamins and fish oils. You always have one headphone in. And it annoys the shit out of people. Your hands are freezing. Your room mate thinks you’re a little weird. You’re blonde, but you don’t wanna be. You used to love your body, but now you despise it. You love to dance. You’ve never had any really good relationships. You hate dates. You hate your parents, but not really. You feel sick right now. You’ve drank about 4 liters of water in the past 10 minutes. You drink too much. You smoke too much. You are a vegetarian, sort of. Ha You’re a closet romantic. You can’t sleep, and you don’t know why. You have a thousand things on your mind. You’re spinning out of control. You’re undeclared. Your clothes are weird. You really need to do your nails. You love your sister more than yourself. You smoke a lot of cigarettes. You’re kind of a burn out. You’re very creative, but don’t know how to channel it. You miss the past more than you should. You’re very independent. You have major trust issues. You have anti depressants, but you don’t take them. You adore cheesecake. You wear dark eye makeup for some reason. People don’t take you seriously, and you like it that way. You have a lot of scars. You’ve lied about some pretty big things. You’re kind of a horrible person. You hate skype, but have one anyway. You edit all your pictures. You live for your cigs, chipotle and sitcoms. You go to weheartit.com a billion times a day. You have a secret blog. Hahaaa. You’re extremely insecure, but you’d never show it. You like to make other people happy. Christmas freaks you out. You had a major emo phase. You have no real goals in life. You miss your best friends. You miss your brothers. You miss not counting calories. You miss sleeping. You love watching the stupid news fluff pieces. Your favorite Kardashian is Kourtney because she has no feelings. You like guys who you know will always let you down. You like guys who have issues and addictions. You have daddy issues. You have mommy issues. You have a lot of issues. You don’t know what to say to therapists. You don’t know what to say in general. Your shoulders are really starting to hurt. You’re hungry, but you’re not gonna eat for a while. You love being alone, and hate it at the same time. You’ve had over 10 hamsters. You feel very insignificant and small in this giant world. Ocean water scares you. But you jump in anyway. You always forget to call back. You’ll always sort of be in love with someone from your past. When you get mad, you start yelling and use your hands a lot. You’re not very attractive without makeup. If you met yourself, you think you’d hate yourself. You like older men (ex. George Clooney) You regret eating so much last night. Your neck is in an extremely uncomfortable position. You have very pale skin. You have a very intense stare. You’re basically fuckin blind. You say fuckin a lot. You hate your smile. You spend way too much time thinking. You like weed cuz it makes you numb. you like alcohol cuz it makes you retarded. Alcoholism and drug addiction runs in your family. You do drugs. You come from a very dysfunctional family. You love going on walks. You don’t know how to get through the rest of this week. You love writing songs lyrics and poems. Your computer is making weird noises and you don’t know why. You’re scared no one will ever want to marry you. You don’t even support marriages, but it still scares you. You fucking love chipotle. You like spazzing out to dubstep. You’d never show anyone your art work. You’ve quit everything you’ve tried. You have had a lot of fucking fun. You’ve been really really heartbroken. You’ve gradually become very sarcastic and fierce. You’re scared. You’re exhausted.

[guhudude]

Tagged by: @omuii le geef

Rules: Answer these 92 statements and tag 20 people

LAST:  1. Drink: coke 
2. Phone call: probably my mom 
3. Text message: to my girlfriend: ^_^
 4. Song you listened to: Free -6LACK 
5. Time you cried: uhhhhhhhhhh I think it was two weeks ago when I was frustrated with my family for not treating me like an adult

 HAVE YOU: 
6. Dated someone twice: nooo
 7. Kissed someone and regretted it: yes but I barely count it as a kiss lol. I was in 8th grade and gave my boyfriend a peck on the lips and the whole thing was so forced it was stupid 
8. Been cheated on: don't think so
 9. Lost someone special: yes 
10. Been depressed: heck yeck 
 11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: yeah I was at a party with some friends in college and it was a great party most of the people were LGBT and everybody was really chill but I just really wanted to get wrecked lol. I started with beer because I thought that was all they had but then I found out they had Smirnoff ice and I started drinking those, and I played a drinking game with shots of Long Island iced tea.... best party ever even though I did get sick twice 

LIST 3 FAVORITE COLORS:
 12-14: I can't believe this is just a clever way to skip my favorite number in the questions but ok: ultramarine blue, lime green, umm. Plum purple? Not all at once lol 

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU:
 15. Made new friends: yes
 16. Fallen out of love: yes (only romantically) 
17. Laughed until you cried: yes, usually because of The Squad, my Skype group 
18. Found out someone was talking about you: yupperooza. 
19. Met someone who changed you: hmmmm. I followed someone on tumblr does that count? 
20. Found out who your friends are: yes 
21. Kissed someone on your Facebook list: my gf ;) 

GENERAL: 
22. How many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: almost all of them, so around 200
 23. Do you have any pets: Sasha, a 6 year old border collie-husky mix who is black with blue eyes (she's a little brat who tries to trip everyone by tackling their feet), and Gretchen, a 11 year old German shepherd mix with a big belly (and a bigger heart) and a curly tail 
24. Do you want to change your name: yeah, my legal name is both too feminine and too biblical. Hopefully someday I'll get to change it legally to Peri. 
25. What did you do for your last Birthday: I honestly don't remember :') it was probably boring 
26. What time did you wake up: I woke up at 9 surprisingly well rested 
27. What were you doing at midnight last night: watching Jupiter Ascending which is one heck of a movie 
28. Name something you can’t wait for: going to visit my geef in New Jersey again
 29. When was the last time you saw your mom: I'm sitting next to her on the couch watching family feud right now 
30. What is one thing you wish you could change in your life: GIVE ME THE HECKENING MOTIVATION!!!!
 31. What are you listening right now: G-Mix: Russel on Spotify. I'm goin through all of their playlists. B) 
32. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: there were a few different guys named Tom at the campgrounds we used to go to every summer. 
33. Something that is getting on your nerves: my LACK!! OF MOTIVATION!!!!! 
34. Most visited website: tumblr, YouTube, kimcartoon 

LOST QUESTIONS. I JUST PUT IN RANDOM INFO ABOUT ME 
35. Mole/s: a few on my arms
 36. Mark/s: fuckin perpetual acne and scars from it on my shoulders and back : ) a birthmark on my left side and supposedly one on the back of my neck but ofc I've never actually seen it -squints- a few freckles here and there 
37. Childhood dream: to be literally every fucking profession. I wanted to be a princess, a fire fighter, a veterinarian, a cop, a psychiatrist...
 38. Hair color: brown
 39. Long or short hair: short, I look like one of the Beatles lmao 
40. Do you have a crush on someone: does my gf count 👀 
41. What do you like about yourself: I'm a good friend and I got a nice body 😘
 42. Piercings: just 2, one traditional piercing in each ear. I really want a bar of some kind, at least one cartilage piercing. 
 43. Blood type: O+
 44. Nickname: saoirse, seersh, peri, peridot 
45. Relationship status: taken by my gf 46. Zodiac: sexy, sexy Sagittarius ;)
 47. Pronouns: they/them or... ya know what idc actually any pronouns lol
 48. Favorite TV Show: Steven Universe, Rick and Morty, Community 49. Tattoos: none YET 
50. Right or left hand: right-handed though I am slightly better with my left hand at frisbee for some reason 
51. Surgery: once I had a surgery on my tooth that never came down because the teeth on either side were too close together. 
52. Hair dyed in different color: never :c
 ... yet 53. Sport: I used to be in track/field for one year in middle school, I was horrible at it but I did the 200, high jump and long jump. When I say I was bad at it I mean I was Literally The Worst on the team by far. I like to watch hockey especially in the arena because it gets WILD in there. You get to hear all the crazy shit all the drunk fans are saying and watch people get into fights and yell at each other 54. was there a 54 before bc i lost it i guess? and i just copy-pasted the whole thing 
55. Vacation: a nice little cabin in the woods with hiking trails around it would be perfect 👌 I'd also like to go on a cross-country road trip someday 
56. Pair of trainers: these black ones with neon laces that I wear to work, my favorite ones right now that are black with stars that glow in the dark (I don't wear them to work so as not to wear them out), a pair of black converse and a pair of black and teal vans, both of which I've had for years MORE GENERAL:
 57. Eating: nothing right now 
58. Drinking: coke  
59. I’m about to: READ A FUCKING BOOK FOR THE FIRST TIME IN 2 YEARS 
61. Waiting for: me to get my shit together 
62. Want: a raise? No? Damn. motivation??? .... shit. 
63. Get married: someday, u know it -finger guns- 
64. Career: artist/illustrator if I HAD THAT FUCKING MOTIVATION 👏👏👏 i have been wondering how I would do as a plumber tho.. 🤔 

WHICH IS BETTER 
65. Hugs or kisses: hugs
? 66. Lips or eyes: eyes
 67. Shorter or taller: maybe.. a LITTLE taller????????????? if ANYTHING??
 68. Older or younger: I am 19 and too far in either direction is Uncomfortable 😐
 70. Nice arms or nice stomach: What Does This Mean (in general tummies are nice tho) 
71. Sensitive or loud: hm?? I'm sensitive to loud noises???? I really don't know what this means
 72. Hook up or relationship: relationship
 73. Troublemaker or hesitant: "i’m a hesitant trouble-maker" -my gf and honestly, same 

HAVE YOU EVER: 
74. Kissed a Stranger: no 
75. Drank hard liquor: hell yea 
76. Lost glasses/contact lenses: I've briefly been unable to find them but I always find them again 
 77. Turned someone down: yes have you ever been friends with a Nice Guy 
78. Sex on the first date: what is this... Sex
 79. Broken someone’s heart: probably since I've turned people down 
80. Had your heart broken: yeah
 81. Been arrested: nope 😏don't plan on it either 
82. Cried when someone died: umm I cried like a week after someone died does that count? My emotions are delayed sometimes
 83. Fallen for a friend: ;) ye 

 DO YOU BELIEVE IN:
 84. Yourself: barely
 85. Miracles: not technically 
86. Love at first sight: sometimes 
87. Santa Claus: again not technically but I think he's a good symbol for kids and in general positive vibes during the holiday season
 88. Kiss on the first date: yeanoooo.. it takes a while for me. When in doubt just ask. And listen to my response lmao (someone kissed me after I said no and MMM 😬) 

OTHER:
 90. Current best friend name: I can't just pick one 😫I have like 10 REALLY great friends I trust with my life 
 91. Eye color: grey-green
 92. Favorite movie: the only movie I can think of right now is Jupiter Ascending because i just saw it last night and it's the first movie I've seen in months lol. OH FUCKING HECK INTERSTELLAR THATS MY FAVORITE MOVIE I LOVE INTERSTELLAR 

NOW, TAG 20 PEOPLE: imma do what tessa did and tag the last 20 mutuals in my notes so don’t feel obligated to do this or even read it! also if you don’t want me to tag you in these in the future let me know and i’ll do my best to avoid it. @gordamnramsey, @mysteriousquartz, @celestialmoonlights, @viviannevendetta, @carryonmywaywardplanet, @jamesxfilesthemeroach, @lordsardine, @woahdaleks, @prettythinker, @belleweather, @squidego, @reck2468, @sexyninjakitty96, @animeandmanga-bearcat, @thesamanthagossamer

im actually gonna cut it off there at 15 bc i don’t have that many active mutuals lol oK HAVE FUN EVERYBODY make sure to tag me if you do this!

[persondudeman]

10 Albums I Fucking Loved in 2018

Howdy y’all! I’m fuckin’ late to the year end stuff but that’s because I actually needed some time to think about what to say and who to pick for my favorites list this year! As always, these are only in a particular order for me but all of them are very interesting albums that you should totally check out. So without further Adieu let’s get to the list!

10. ATMOSPHERES - REACH

This is one of those albums that you know if you’ll like it or not after the first few tracks. To be honest, you either sing along to the middle guitar riff of MORPH or you don’t and that’s kinda just how it is! ATMOSPHERES makes a very particular brand of airy but also heavy but also minimal but also complex metal that’s hard to pin down in words but you’ll know exactly what it is once you hear it and straight up it’s a real love it or hate it kinda thing. For me I personally fuckin’ love the juxtaposition of the djenty super heavy riffs along with the airy vocals and production but I can very easily see somebody hating this exact type of thing. If any of the adjectives I used to describe this call out to you, I suggest giving it a shot and seeing what you think!

9. Good Tiger - We Will All Be Gone

This one is just straight up fun y’all! I’ve been following Good Tiger for a hot minute and I loved the shit out of A Head Full of Moonlight back when it came out. Hell, I funded the original Indiegogo campaign!

With this, Good Tiger refines their sound breaking away from the metal origins of the band members’ pasts and creating something unique to them. Everything good about A Head Full of Moonlight is still here. Elliot Coleman’s unique vocals, electrifying dual riffs from Joaquin Ardiles and Dez Nagle, and the strong rhythmic backbone of Alex Rudinger and Morgan Sinclair without the need of the harsh vocals or heaviness that some tracks would use as a crutch.

What they traded in for surface level technical flair they got back in spades with their commitment to songwriting making for some of the most infectious songs they’ve released yet! I know for a fact I couldn’t get Such A Kind Stranger, The Devil Thinks I’m Sinking, or Ninteen Grams out of my head for a good while after I listened to them. At a tight as FUCK under 40 minutes, this album is one that you can easily replay again and again. And you’ll fuckin’ want to if you get those songs stuck in your head! Good Tiger has grown from the ashes of their metal past and is all the stronger for it!

8. Between the Buried and Me - Automata

Okay hear me out on this one. I love Between the Buried and Me but in order for me to get into listening to them, I gotta be on a kick. I can’t just pop in a BTBAM record. Partly because their albums are a bit on the longer side and partly because they have a very particular songwriting style that I need to be in the mood to listen to. Some days I just can’t handle those transitions, y’know? So you’ll need to believe me that it isn’t just fanboy squealing when I say I wasn’t ready for this album. Not to mention they arbitrarily decided to split it into two separate albums even though its length is just fine as one album. Their last album Coma Ecliptic was a hair longer than this one and it fit on one album just fine! How am I supposed to listen to this thing and really take it all in if you release it piecemeal?? Anyway, enough griping about the album’s release. In terms of actual musical content, they’ve really done something great here! They took the scale of Coma Ecliptic but let it have a broader scope so instead of the big, indulgent rock opera they use the same resources to go back to the kitchen sink approach of Colors and The Great Misdirect to really flesh out the parts that were just brief flirtations with other sounds on previous records. What I’m especially noticing on this outing is a real southern rock kind of flavor. ESPECIALLY on the album closer, The Grid where near the end they go out and deliver some killer SQUEALING blues riffs and it’s some of the straight up coolest shit I’ve heard all year.

Should this be your first BTBAM album? Probably not, That should either be Colors or The Great Misdirect but it’s a worthy album in BTBAM’s prolific and excellent catalogue that fans and people wanting to become fans should totally listen to.

7. Oceans of Slumber - The Banished Heart

Okay listen, I went through a bad breakup (and kinda still am going through it let’s be real) at the end of 2018 and I discovered this band right after I got broken up with. To be honest I kind of needed this. The fact that it’s a woman of color fronting a doom metal band would be enough to get me intrigued but then I heard the title track off of this album. I was blown away and the rest of the album capitalizes on the energy promised by the singles.

Cammie “God Damn” Gilbert has some of the most radiant and emotional vocals I’ve heard all year with such a commanding presence and control of her instrument that sends chills up my spine whenever she sings. Combine that with crushing, doomy, riffs from the trio of Sean Gary, Keegan Kelly, and Anthony Contreras as well as drumming and occasional beautiful piano playing by Dobber Beverly and it creates a dense and intense mixture.

If this list was ranking pure emotional power, this would be #1. With the aforementioned dismaying production and powerful vocals, this thing also packs a lyrical gut punch of equal parts grief, longing, and righteous anger. This isn’t just an album to feel sad to. This is for when you need to purge yourself of emotions. It’s the sonic equivalent of going out into the forest and primally screaming where nobody but you can hear you and I fucking love it. Admittedly I haven’t listened to it much because it’s a very powerful and very tough one to sit through so I need to be in the right frame of mind for it but if you ever feel like this might be up your alley I strongly urge you to give it a shot.

6. Alithia - The Moon Has Fallen

Alithia has stumbled onto something amazing here with The Moon Has Fallen. They seem to have carved out a genre of spacey, tribal, psychedelic prog rock that’s entirely unique to them crafting really creative arrangements that honestly need to be heard. If this list were based on pure creativity, this would probably be my #1 because of how interesting the avenues it goes down are. From the warbling, echoey, gigantic sounding guitars to the vocals that do everything from soft melodies to yells to the atmospheric synths, Alithia does something else on this album. There’s 2 fuckin’ drummers here for godsake that's gotta count for something! What this album totally should be is an album to expand minds to. Like, if you wanna reach the next plane of existence or something, put on The Sun or Breathe or Blood Moon and I’m almost certain that you’ll attain enlightenment or something.

5. Covet - effervescence

If I really wanted to I could put a picture of that good vibes only cup here again and I totally will but I want to stress that Covet is really good and while they have a similar chill vibe to last year’s pick CHON. It is ever so slightly different. CHON’s vibes are beachy and crunchy whereas Covet is very foresty and soft. All those 8tracks playlists about forest nymphs, replace them with Covet songs and it’ll totally fit.

4. VOLA - Applause From A Distant Crowd

If I did awards, I would probably give VOLA the “most improved” award of this year. Their previous album Inmazes was very unique and demonstrated some really interesting potential with their sound but Applause From A Distant Crowd just came in and fuckin’ blew all of that out of the water!

A lot of the fans of Inmazes bemoan how this album was lacking in the heavy department but honestly, I think that’s part of why this works so well! There’s a dime a dozen progressive metal acts that’ll just throw out some super heavy djent riffs over odd time signatures and call it a day but it takes a really good band to find the elements of that style and really make it their own and that’s what VOLA has done here.

From the synths to the emphasis on clean vocals to the melody focus of the album one can tell right away that this is a different beast but one that is entirely VOLA’s own. Outside of the aesthetic synths you have the distinctive vocals of Asger Mygind who has an intriguing low register that I rarely hear in progressive metal vocalists. His voice offers a great texture to the music. Add in a much tighter, controlled songwriting style and Applause From A Distant Crowd makes for an endlessly listenable, utterly unique experience that I urge all of you to check out.

3. Dance Gavin Dance - Artificial Selection

Okay, y’all know me right? If you’ve seen any of my lists before you’ll know that I’m a big Dance Gavin Dance fan and any year they make a new record they’re almost bound to have a spot on my favorites list and pretty high at that. This feels like a career defining moment for DGD because this is the most consistent lineup they’ve had in forever and with how shaken up the fanbase has been with the frequent lineup changes over the years, a sense of calm feels like foreboding as clean vocalist Tilian Pearson and bassist Tim Feerick head in for an unprecedented fourth album.

As always, DGD fuckin’ killed it with this one. This time they transition into pop inspired production and songwriting that absolutely destroys when paired with their technical ability and overall style. Tracks like Care with its infections chorus, Count Bassy with its big leading vocals, and the anthemic closing track Evaporate all culminate to make another glorious heavy, funky, crazy, catchy album that’s become a staple for DGD. In fact Evaporate was so fuckin’ good that people legitimately thought the band was going to end after it because it was so big and final. Like, straight up y’all it’s just fuckin’ good. There’s only so many words I can use to describe it but Dance Gavin Dance has crafted another collection of rad ass tunes and it’s just fuckin’ good babey!

2. Time the Valuator - How Fleeting How Fragile

Oooh! We got some new blood on the list! And they’re really high too! “What is this?” I hear some of you asking. Well, Time the Valuator are a band I’ve been following for a good minute. Back in 2017 I saw them trickle out singles for what would eventually become this new album and needless to say I was pretty hype because they showcased something I really cherish and that is crossover appeal! Do you have a friend who you think is ready for something harder than Hands Like Houses but think the overtly djent-y style of Periphery might be too much for them to handle? Time the Valuator is for you!

Their style runs the gambit of more accessible post hardcore fair on songs like In Control and Elusive Reasons to the technical flair of Terminus and Starseeker to extremely emotional songs like Heritage and When I Met Death. Careful listeners will catch many different influences like the aforementioned Periphery but also the cadence of a certain singer from The Contortionist on How Fragile. Their influence may be in progressive metal but their style is more accessible than any prog metal band and it’s a joy to listen to. The standout performances on this thing are Rene Möllenbeck who in addition to delivering really nice riffs does all the piano bits on this thing. Pay attention to the tracks, When I Met Death, Heritage, and Starseeker to see this man’s pianowork in action. The other standout are the absolutely killer vocals of Phil Bayer who can do everything from a careful midrange to a high as hell falsetto and everything in between all while having a great amount of power. Standout tracks for him are In Control where he and Breathe Atlantis vocalist Nico Schiesewitz dual to see who the more soulful one is, Starseeker where he pierces the high heavens with his voice, and When I Met Death where he delivers the most somber of performances.

This album was one hell of a surprise and I cannot wait for what Time the Valuator has next. Do yourself a favor and give this a listen!

1. Polyphia - New Levels New Devils AND Andres - Heroes, Villains, and All That Jazz

What??? 2 albums get to be number 1?? How?? Well, I realize I’ve never been exactly consistent with how I pick my number 1. One year it’ll be how emotional the album is, another year it’ll be the one I liked the most, and this year it’s something completely different! I’ve picked these two as my number 1 because I think these two artists made some of the biggest strides in terms of moving the genre forward and their embrace of styles outside of traditional rock and roll music is integral to that. I believe that if we want rock to actually be relevant to the listening public again, it needs to take cues from different genres and not be influenced by the same crop of 60’s and 70’s rock. I love that style as much as the next guy, but it is the exact opposite of relevant or frankly even interesting in the world of rock music. These two bands I feel did something really interesting and any band looking to push boundaries or do something interesting in the following years should look to these albums as inspiration. So without further Adieu let me actually talk about the albums themselves.

Polyphia - New Levels New Devils

I’ve been a big fan of Polyphia ever since their first album Muse came out but as I’ve grown as a listener I started to realize that a lot of their music ESPECIALLY pre Renaissance is kinda indistinguishable from other instrumental bands with high levels of technical skills and something tells me Polyphia themselves realized this too. In a world with fifty thousand guitarists, you can’t be famous for being the most fast or the most technical because every single guitarist is gunning to be the next rock god. Realizing this, Polyphia has done what I think is a great move and transitioned from the prog kids noodling out riffs to style icons or to quote a twitter user

“[sic] old Polyphia concerts were a bunch of prog kids standing around in silence, currently Polyphia concerts are where a bunch of super hot people beat the shit out of each other and do cocaine in the mosh pit”.

Their music captures this superbly. If I told you that instrumental progressive rock worked well with trap influences, you’d probably laugh at me. However, upon hearing tracks like Nasty, G.O.A.T, Saucy, and even the poppy So Strange, it is evident that Polyphia didn’t just use this influence as a gimmick but as a full fledged stylistic incorporation. This leads to some of the most interesting soundscapes of the year, absolutely SAVAGE bass and drum work, and it culminates in an aesthetic that is unique to Polyphia in the prog scene. I really can’t wait to see what they do next and I hope it’s just as ambitious as this.

Andrés - Heroes, Villains, and All That Jazz

Daaang, 2 years in a freakin’ row?? I’m being entirely serious here when I say Andrés completely knocked it out of the park this year. I had high expectations for this because that last album was really good and this one completely shattered it. What Andrés does on this thing that is so special is that he demonstrates his abilities as something of a musical chameleon. Vocally and stylistically he can do anything from R&B to an emo cadence to even shrieks and he uses these influences superbly in his songwriting, crafting tightly written, expertly performed bundles of greatness into every track that have a great range but also an accessibility that rivals even the best of modern pop music.

Lyrically, he displays an awareness that was lacking on his previous release and as the album progresses you get a fuller picture of the person singing, his past, his insecurities, his flaws, and the patterns he finds himself in. To the point where once Poetry comes on and he’s screaming “And the truth is I would give up anything including you just to be famous”, it makes the lines in previous songs like “I ain't stopping till I'm big as Michael Jackson” sound like a threat.

The fact that he is influenced by so many genres and styles outside of rock would be reason enough to put him on this list. The songwriting is excellent! But what puts it over the edge is even in some of the saddest emo music, I haven’t heard anybody be as open and honest about their own shortcomings as Andrés gets on this thing. If anything, what rock music needs is some god damn vulnerability. So much of rock music is steeped in elitism and garbage that we need unique voices now more than ever to make us take a look in the mirror and examine ourselves, to try new things and to experiment and I think Andrés and Polyphia did that the best this year.

[dryangon]

1-30 on the artist asks do it

jesus h fuck alright

gonna put this in a readmore

Do you prefer traditional drawing, or digital?

only recently ive been preferring digital, i think it has more to do with the fact that i dont usually do my own style when drawing traditionally cause art class

How long have you been drawing?

since i was like 3 my dude although i only seriously started trying to get better in fifth grade so about 5 years

How many classes have you taken?

ive taken four? so far? depends on whether or not digital media counts

Do you have a DeviantArt, personal website, or art blog?

do not have any of those things except art blog, youre looking at it

What’s your favorite thing to draw?

people

What’s your least favorite thing to draw?

b a c k g r o u n d s

How often do you use references?

not that often unless im trying to nail down a specific background or someone requests something that requires a reference

Do you draw professionally, or just for fun?

just for fun, ive been thinking about commissions but idk if ill ever set that up

How much time do you spend drawing on an average day?

really depends on the day. since schools out i spend a good four hours drawing (not consecutively)

Are you confident about your art?

wiggles hand uncertainly

How many art-related blogs do you follow?

uhhhhhhhhhh like 70ish

Is it okay for people to ask you about your process?

yeah i dont mind! i probably am not the best person to ask for help tho

Do you prefer to keep your art personal, or do you like drawing things for other people?

theres a line between personal art and public art in my head, i dont mind drawing things for others but i dont like people looking at the stuff that ive done for my personal use

Do you ever collaborate with others?

i would if i was asked

How long does an average piece take you to complete?

usually what you see on my blog are sketches and lineart and those take me anywhere from 30 min to an hour, colored things take me like 2 hours

Do you draw more today than you did in the past, or do you draw less?

i think i draw more, just because when i was a little kid teachers and stuff would take away anything i was drawing with even in art classes if i was supposed to be paying attention or some shit

i remember in sixth grade my social studies teacher took my notebook away from me because i was doodling in her class while taking notes

there was also once that a substitute yelled at me for drawing after we finished a test

Do you think you’re justified in giving other people art advice?

i mean i guess with lines and stuff but with color im completely hopeless

i can tell you what i think looks good but other than that 

What are you currently trying to improve on?

backgrounds

What is the most difficult thing for you to draw?

backgrounds

What is the easiest thing for you to draw?

hair

Do you like to challenge yourself?

i do but its really hard for me to do sometimes because often ill get distracted and forget to focus on this one piece of art

Are you confident that you’re improving steadily?

mnot really

i guess i can sort of see it in my older pieces but i really dont know

the other thing is sometimes i like the way my style turns out but then i progress and i cant revert back to what i liked

Do you draw more fanart, or more original art?

fanart on this blog, original in my notebooks

Do you feel jealous when you see other people’s art, or inspired? (Be honest!)

i dont really get jealous, but i guess sometimes i do get sad just because they found this really cool style and im still trying to find mine

Do you like to draw in silence, or with music?

i like drawing with music but a lot of the time i end up drawing in silence bc my playlist ran through entirely

For digital artists: what program(s) do you use?

artrage 4

For digital artists: how many layers does a typical piece require?

sketches: 4-5. colored: 10+

For traditional artists: what medium do you like most? (Pencil, charcoals, etc)

pencil

For traditional artists: How do you usually start on a big piece? (Light sketch, colored lead, sketchpaper, etc)

light sketch

What inspires you to not just make art, but to be a better artist?

i have a lot of fuckin ideas and i want to be able to put them on paper goddamn it

[broketheyolk]

Life Sucks

Man, life sucks. Just when I thought things were looking better shit just stays the same. So it’s Sunday around noon. I’m sitting in the dark with the curtains closed except for a small crack to have a fan in the window blowing fresh air in. I have Spotify playing in the background on my PS4 with the “Life Sucks” playlist.

So I still feel like shit. Maybe a little bit better but still pretty shitty. I asked my sister if I could move in with her and she agreed. That is seriously going to help my mental health being able to come home to somewhere quiet without people yelling and children screaming. I might be over dramatic but anything that could help me with my anxiety and depression would help.

So I met another girl. I flirted with her at work and she sent me her number and we texted back and forth. She doesn’t give me the butterflies that the other one does but she is so much easier to talk to. I don’t feel nervous around her and can just whatever I feel like, probably because I don’t really have any feelings for her so I don’t feel like I have to impress her or whatever.  So we’re texting and she’s being pretty fucking forward and wanting to hang out. I thought I fucked it up a few days before we were going to meet because I said some shit that I thought was funny and she interpreted it as me trying to get freaky. Anyways, seems like she didn’t care and we keep talking. The night before we hang out she was being super cute and shit calling me confident and charming (blush) and I was like “you better be careful before you get cuffed up” lol she doesn’t get the lingo and makes it sexual and then I was like fuck it and said “you liked getting choked done you” (evil smiling face emoji)” and she was like was it that obvious or some shit lol. So she’s asking what I’m into and I tell her and then I made a joke about being excited because I made a typo and she was like keep it in your pants I don’t fuck on the first date and I was like cool I’m not a dog lol. Anyways we finally hang out. I drive to her place which was almost the same route as I took to the other girls house lol and I was thinking is this where are the girls I’m going to try and date are living? Lol. So I get to her place and she comes down and she looks a little different from the pictures I was looking at her fb and ig but I was like whatever I’ve only seen her once and it’s not like I’m that into her. We go to downtown Vancouver to get froyo since we’re both lactose. We sit outside and small talk and she has a couple places in mind to go to. She remembered I’m “all about the views” and decide to go to Rocky Butte. While we were leaving we see some cops on some people squatting at the entrance of the church and the two girls working at the froyo place and we were small talking them. They were both pretty cute and I couldn’t help thinking she was like is this guy really hitting on these girls in front of me? Haha sorry can’t help it. So we head to Rocky Butte and we take this flight of stairs that almost destroy me and I’m out of breath for a second while we were up there. We’re walking around talking and I’m getting vibes but I’m getting eaten alive by bugs so we decide to go to a different spot that she’s never been to. So we head to Mocks Crest and it’s just off of this neighborhood and it was actually really nice and super low key but full of hipsters and shit. We talk for a while about literally everything. It was super nice to be able to talk to someone like that. We talked about like if I was hitting on her and I was like fuck yeah and she was like “I never usually do that but you were cool so I thought we could be friends at least.” There were a couple little moments of silence and I wanted to start making out with her but there was no real chance cause of how we were positioned. So we head back because she needs to use the bathroom but luckily we were only like 10 min away from her spot. We get back and I forgot I brought her a modem because her service has been shitty and I was like “This is my first time I’ve never done anything like this” and she was like “what?” and I said “I’ve never set up a modem” and she was like “Ooooh” lmao. We go up to her place and she insists that I install the new one but I have no idea wtf I’m doing and end up not being able to install it. So we plug in the old one and she was like you want to watch Netflix? (hint hint). We go to her bedroom and sit and chill on her bed and we were drinking ciders. I haven’t eaten for like hours besides the froyo so I get super buzzed off one drink and she edges closer and I ask her “this show is cool but do you want to do something else?” and replies “Like what” and I go I for a kiss and we start making out. I stick my tongue in her mouth and she’s like “too much tongue” lmao. She gets on top and we’re still making out. She grinding on me and I take off her bra and suck on her tits which were like perfect little handfuls. She whispers to me and I was like what? And she says it again but I can’t hear what she said. I think she said “you can do whatever you want to me” but that didn’t happen. She takes her shirt off and we’re still making out and she’s grinding me. I remember she said she doesn’t fuck on the first date so I’m not trying but I asked her if she wanted to suck my dick lol and she didn’t reply lmao. After a while she puts her shirt back on and we spoon a little and make out more. I look at the clock and it’s like 1:30am. She’s been up since 5am and I have to work the next day. So she walks me out and I go in for a hug and kiss her a little bit more and before I walk out the door I kiss her again and grab her ass (which in hindsight was probably a little too much lol).

I don’t get a text back after I leave and not even the next day which reassures what I was thinking that she wasn’t feeling it. So I text her at like 11ish the next day saying I had fun last night we should hang out again and she replies 3 agonizing hours later saying yeah I had fun too we should hang out again but let’s keep things friendly. I was like wtf? You want to keep things friendly? I was just suckin on yo fuckin titties just last night? That kind of fucked up my day. What am I saying... THAT FUCKED UP MY DAY. I don’t reply until I get off work at like 7pm. I couldn’t think of what to say back to her. Like just count it as an L and be like yeah for sure and never hit her up again or be lie and be like yeah me too and try to hang out and try to convince her to suck your dick (She says she loves sucking dick). It was fucking me up all day where when I would think about it my head would get hot and I was just grunt or sigh. At first I was like she’s whatever cause I thought she was super into me and I could do whatever I wanted and didn’t think she would reject me. But now I was like she was fucking hot when we were making out and she was super easy to get along with and now I fucked that up. So I finally text her after I was off and I was like was I being too friendly last night? lol and she was like no I was the one to make the move but I’m just not ready rn tbh (she just broke up with her ex like a month ago) so I was like cool and told her she’s fun to be around and easy to talk to which is rare with cute girls and a kissy emoji (I was doing too much again) and she was like your easy to talk to and fun to be around with too. So I was like well have fun this weekend I’ll hit you up later (her friend from Seattle is down for the weekend) and she was like have a good weekend too. So two things I could do: leave it at that and never hit her back up again or keep trying to kick it with her and try to get her to suck my dick lol. Like thinking about it after I should have just rolled her ass over while she was on top and fucked her but I didn’t have a condom and I wasn’t going to raw dog her. I think her rejecting me just made me actually want her. She really is fun to be around and easy to talk to which is kind of fucking me up and I haven’t been with a girl in forever and I missed that. When I was falling asleep last night I could still feel her on top of my kissing me. Weird right? What’s funny is that while I was with her I was still thinking about the other girl and I actually had a dream about her too and that we worked together lol. So both are busy for the weekend so I’m definitely hitting on up on Monday. Not sure about the one that wants to be friends though. She follows me on ig so this might be the fuel I need for my glow up so I can stunt on her and the other girls that curved me. Like I’m fat and short but I know I’m handsome lol. If I just get my body then my mind right I’ll be a dime piece handsome mother fucker.

So idk. Life doesn’t really suck. It could be worse but it could definitely be better.  I could be dating this new chick but she isn’t feeling it and I don’t know how I feel about pursuing her just because I want to hang out with her have her suck my pee pee. I don’t really want to date her I just want to hang out with her which wouldn’t be fair to her if she catches feelings (which she most likely will cause I’ve got a bomb ass personality). So I’ve got to move some of my shit to my sister’s house because I’ll be there for about a year. My brother has a birthday dinner tonight but I’m meeting my friend in Portland to try to this Cajun seafood place. I don’t know if I’ll be able to go there but it would probably be nice of me to show up. We shall see though. I took pto on Monday so I could have three days off for my mental health. I’ll probably end up at quarter world again to play Marvel vs Capcom tonight cause it makes me happy. I really did feel pretty shitty before I started writing but getting to the end of this post it actually helped quite a bit. I got this fortune that says “good things are coming your way” I thought it was coming true when I met the first girl and then the second girl but since they both aren’t feeling me I guess I’ll keep waiting. Au Revoir.